Parts of book worksheet
trashy people of Facebook
2017.04.21 08:03 DaChronMan trashy people of Facebook
For the trashy parts of FaceBook
2019.10.30 01:03 mwthecool House of the Dragon
This is a place for news and discussions relating to HBO's "Game of Thrones" prequel TV series "House of the Dragon" and George R. R. Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" companion novel, "Fire & Blood."
2008.10.24 20:05 Real Estate Investing
Interested in Real Estate Investing? You've come to the right place! /realestateinvesting is focused on sharing thoughts, experiences, advice and encouraging questions regardless of your real estate investing niche! Structured Deals, Flipping/Rehabbing, Wholesaling, Lending, Land, Commercial Real Estate and more! If it has to do with real estate investing this sub is for you!
2024.06.07 21:16 cnew22 Need Assistance Scraping Google Trends Data and Writing to an Excel File
Hello - Hopefully I'm adhering to the sub's rules. I'm currently running into an issue with a python code when trying to scrape and export data from Google Trends to a current Excel file. Below, I'll detail out the situation, what I'm trying to accomplish, the issue that I'm running into, and the actual code that I'm currently working with. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Situation: Every month, I need to update various "views" (example of a view: Our products vs competitor product, last 90 days) from Google Trends data in a monthly report. We do this so we can keep an eye on current search interest in our products as well as competitors, and make decisions on what and where we should take action based on the search interest fluctuations.
The current process is all manual, where we have an Excel file and each month we have to update the Google Trends URLs for dozens of views, export the data from Google Trends, and copy/paste it back into the Excel file we work out of. This is hours of work that ideally can be an automated process to save our team a bunch of time.
What I'm Trying To Accomplish: I'm trying to set up the Excel file in a way where so long as the Google Trends URLs are in place, I just run the code and it'll pull all of the data for me, place it back into the Excel file in a specific cell range where the line charts we have in place will auto update with the new data.
Issue I'm Running Into: Google Trends URLs have various parameters that are determined by your selection on search terms and topics. With search terms, the actual term will be in the URL, where as if you select the search term as a topic, the parameters in the URL are encoded.
For example: URL with "nintendo switch" as a search term: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=Nintendo%20Switch&hl=en
URL with "nintendo switch" as a topic: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=%2Fg%2F11hf00yspg&hl=en
I'm running into multiple issues with my current code when the Google Trends URL is for topics. 1) when the code runs, the data pulled will have the encoded version of "nintendo switch", which will show up in the chart, causing manual checks to update, and 2) when multiple topics are being compared (such as nintnedo switch vs playstation 5, https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=%2Fg%2F11hf00yspg,%2Fg%2F11h10_t1nf&hl=en), only one of the topics is being pulled.
Current Python Code: https://pastebin.com/d5uAhHFU
submitted by cnew22 to pythonhelp [link] [comments]
Situation: Every month, I need to update various "views" (example of a view: Our products vs competitor product, last 90 days) from Google Trends data in a monthly report. We do this so we can keep an eye on current search interest in our products as well as competitors, and make decisions on what and where we should take action based on the search interest fluctuations.
The current process is all manual, where we have an Excel file and each month we have to update the Google Trends URLs for dozens of views, export the data from Google Trends, and copy/paste it back into the Excel file we work out of. This is hours of work that ideally can be an automated process to save our team a bunch of time.
What I'm Trying To Accomplish: I'm trying to set up the Excel file in a way where so long as the Google Trends URLs are in place, I just run the code and it'll pull all of the data for me, place it back into the Excel file in a specific cell range where the line charts we have in place will auto update with the new data.
Issue I'm Running Into: Google Trends URLs have various parameters that are determined by your selection on search terms and topics. With search terms, the actual term will be in the URL, where as if you select the search term as a topic, the parameters in the URL are encoded.
For example: URL with "nintendo switch" as a search term: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=Nintendo%20Switch&hl=en
URL with "nintendo switch" as a topic: https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=%2Fg%2F11hf00yspg&hl=en
I'm running into multiple issues with my current code when the Google Trends URL is for topics. 1) when the code runs, the data pulled will have the encoded version of "nintendo switch", which will show up in the chart, causing manual checks to update, and 2) when multiple topics are being compared (such as nintnedo switch vs playstation 5, https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?q=%2Fg%2F11hf00yspg,%2Fg%2F11h10_t1nf&hl=en), only one of the topics is being pulled.
Current Python Code: https://pastebin.com/d5uAhHFU
2024.06.07 21:13 Remarkable_Froyo_869 God Almighty and Ancient Sun God.
Spoilers if you didn’t finished LOTM book 1.
Thank you guys for answering my question last time. I finish LOTM book-1 quiet some time ago and can't remember some important parts of the story. I am now reading LOTM book-2 and want a understanding of the story of book-1.
I remember that Klein had learned some key details from Adam(ASG) about the Pillars and the great old one. It's have been mentioned that ASG had once been a half pillar or a great old one and nearly or truly accommodated Caos Sea(can't remember it correctly 🙏).Requirement of becoming GA, one needs to accommodate 1 sequence-1 characteristic and a uniqueness of each Spectators, Tyrant, Reader, Sun andSecrets Supplement pathways. ASG had accommodated all of these characteristic and uniqueness and was a great old one.
My question is ASG, the one we saw on the story is truly a new great old one or the revived GA from CW's(Celestial Worthy) era??
The reason why I have this question is because CW(former lotm) had few solid plans for revival in advance if he ever had died but for some reason those plan failed. But even after that he have a very strong influence over all beyonders from lotm pathway(fool, error, door). And GA have omnipotent and omniscient title on his name and it's very reasonable to believe that former GA had at least few plans for revival under his sleeves if he ever had perished.
And when klein tried a divination on ASG, ASG looked at Klein through space and time and said ''Mysteries.'' ASG said that because at that time Klein had already been corrupted by CW. I don’t know how ASG knew about lotm. It's because of his title omnipotent and omniscient or because he is the revived GA, idk.
And even if ASG is the GA from CW's era than what impact does it have on the story.(sorry for my English🙏🙏).
submitted by Remarkable_Froyo_869 to LordofTheMysteries [link] [comments]
Thank you guys for answering my question last time. I finish LOTM book-1 quiet some time ago and can't remember some important parts of the story. I am now reading LOTM book-2 and want a understanding of the story of book-1.
I remember that Klein had learned some key details from Adam(ASG) about the Pillars and the great old one. It's have been mentioned that ASG had once been a half pillar or a great old one and nearly or truly accommodated Caos Sea(can't remember it correctly 🙏).Requirement of becoming GA, one needs to accommodate 1 sequence-1 characteristic and a uniqueness of each Spectators, Tyrant, Reader, Sun andSecrets Supplement pathways. ASG had accommodated all of these characteristic and uniqueness and was a great old one.
My question is ASG, the one we saw on the story is truly a new great old one or the revived GA from CW's(Celestial Worthy) era??
The reason why I have this question is because CW(former lotm) had few solid plans for revival in advance if he ever had died but for some reason those plan failed. But even after that he have a very strong influence over all beyonders from lotm pathway(fool, error, door). And GA have omnipotent and omniscient title on his name and it's very reasonable to believe that former GA had at least few plans for revival under his sleeves if he ever had perished.
And when klein tried a divination on ASG, ASG looked at Klein through space and time and said ''Mysteries.'' ASG said that because at that time Klein had already been corrupted by CW. I don’t know how ASG knew about lotm. It's because of his title omnipotent and omniscient or because he is the revived GA, idk.
And even if ASG is the GA from CW's era than what impact does it have on the story.(sorry for my English🙏🙏).
2024.06.07 21:10 karenvideoeditor Playing With Fire
It was in sixth grade that students received their first wand and learned their first spells. But they learned that it wasn’t like in the movies they watched, where the main characters were prodigies and not only mastered easy spells but accomplished difficult ones as well. They learned the basics and learned slowly, and much of it surprised them, like the amount of effort that needed to be put into diction and mental focus, not just waving their wand.
One of my students was doing quite well and, I assume since he thought movies were much like real life, asked when we would be doing more advanced spells. He, and several others, were visibly disappointed when I explained how slowly they would be learning magic, step by step.
“All right, I think it’s important that you understand something,” I told them, leaning against my desk as I looked out at them. Taking a breath and letting it out, wondering how to phrase what I wanted to communicate to them, I eventually asked, “Who wants to learn fire spells?”
Many hands went up. Not all, but quite a few.
“Who thinks that they’re ready to do fire spells?”
At their age, they recognized the difference in phrasing and there were hands that went up, but slower and with more caution.
I grinned. “Who wants to hear about the time I first tried a fire spell?”
You won’t be surprised to hear all hands went up at that one.
“All right, well,” I said, folding my arms, “I’d been doing magic for almost two years, and became very comfortable with my wand. Of course, when I say that, I mean I had just finished seventh grade. Levitation had come easily to me, and I was great at it by that point, able to lift as much as I could with my arms. Wind spells…water spells…a few others. I’d gotten quite good at the easy stuff. But I wanted to do more. I wanted to do something cool.”
I grimaced, hinting at the bad ending to the story. “I was at my desk in my room, and I’d taken a candle from my mother’s bathroom. For a few weeks I’d practiced just as much as I would learning any other spell, working on my pronunciation and intent and focus. And that was another hint that something was beyond me; I hadn’t so much as once spoken to someone who was proficient. Learning from someone who knows their stuff is how you discover clever strategies of learning spells, like imagining your pencil is a balloon filled with helium to get better at levitation.”
Several of the students looked curious at that. It was always good to drop in at least a little extra knowledge when going off on a tangent, I figured. “You also learn things like clearing your work area a good amount for fire spells, which I hadn’t read in any of the instructions I’d read online. So, I took my wand, gave the command, and a flicker of flame came from the end of my wand. And caught on the book on a shelf that was only a few inches away from the candle.” A few gasps came from my students, as well as a few embarrassed giggles at the blunder.
“The thing was, I’d done a good job,” I said tiredly. “The flame had caught well. I wasn’t sure what to do, and my mind spun furiously trying to find a solution, and at that point I was mostly worried about getting in trouble. I knew water spells, but of course I didn’t know conjuration, not at a seventh grade level. I rushed to the bathroom and took the toothbrushes out of the cup they were in, filled up the cup with water, and rushed back to my bedroom, splashing it on the fire to try to put it out. But by that point, the fire had spread to more books. One cup of water didn’t cut it.”
At this point, the students started to look concerned. Fire was no joke, they knew that much about magic, and likely they were imagining themselves in such a predicament. What do you do? Do you call a parent? Do you let yourself get in trouble, or risk things getting even more out of control?
“Luckily, the fire alarm on my bedroom ceiling went off, and my mother ran in. She put it out with a conjuration of water, and I was left with half my desk burnt and soggy,” I told them. “And in big trouble. But as you realized while I was telling this story…it could’ve been a lot worse. Now, I’m not telling you this to make you concerned about learning fire spells; I’m telling you this to cover a bigger lesson, which is to remember that the curriculum of magic is laid out in a very specific order, and it’s very important to learn each spell from here to the end of high school, or college, with someone experienced and in a safe environment.
“It’s great fun to go to the pier at the beach and see impressive displays of fire spells, but often you’ll find yourself wondering what it looked like the first time they tried the spell. And it’s not like what you see in movies or shows, because they are concerned with telling a story, not with accuracy. That fire juggler at the pier is much older than you and has been working with fire for many years. Not only that, but when it comes to any dangerous skill, you do get hurt. It’s just part of the deal. The next time you can ask questions of an adult who’s talented in magic that can be dangerous, ask them how often they got hurt first learning. And ask them how often they get hurt, when the last time was that it happened. Learning new tricks, even as an adult, can be dangerous.”
One of the girls in the class raised her hand. “Yes, Leanna?” I spoke.
“Are you good at fire spells now?” she asked.
I grinned. “Yes, but I am not allowed to do them in the classroom.” The sounds of disappointed children echoed through my classroom of students. “You’re eager to learn, that’s good. I hope that excitement stays with you when you need to practice everything in the homework you’ll have. Now, please open your books to chapter three. Speaking of steps, it’s time to take the next one.”
submitted by karenvideoeditor to storiesbykaren [link] [comments]
One of my students was doing quite well and, I assume since he thought movies were much like real life, asked when we would be doing more advanced spells. He, and several others, were visibly disappointed when I explained how slowly they would be learning magic, step by step.
“All right, I think it’s important that you understand something,” I told them, leaning against my desk as I looked out at them. Taking a breath and letting it out, wondering how to phrase what I wanted to communicate to them, I eventually asked, “Who wants to learn fire spells?”
Many hands went up. Not all, but quite a few.
“Who thinks that they’re ready to do fire spells?”
At their age, they recognized the difference in phrasing and there were hands that went up, but slower and with more caution.
I grinned. “Who wants to hear about the time I first tried a fire spell?”
You won’t be surprised to hear all hands went up at that one.
“All right, well,” I said, folding my arms, “I’d been doing magic for almost two years, and became very comfortable with my wand. Of course, when I say that, I mean I had just finished seventh grade. Levitation had come easily to me, and I was great at it by that point, able to lift as much as I could with my arms. Wind spells…water spells…a few others. I’d gotten quite good at the easy stuff. But I wanted to do more. I wanted to do something cool.”
I grimaced, hinting at the bad ending to the story. “I was at my desk in my room, and I’d taken a candle from my mother’s bathroom. For a few weeks I’d practiced just as much as I would learning any other spell, working on my pronunciation and intent and focus. And that was another hint that something was beyond me; I hadn’t so much as once spoken to someone who was proficient. Learning from someone who knows their stuff is how you discover clever strategies of learning spells, like imagining your pencil is a balloon filled with helium to get better at levitation.”
Several of the students looked curious at that. It was always good to drop in at least a little extra knowledge when going off on a tangent, I figured. “You also learn things like clearing your work area a good amount for fire spells, which I hadn’t read in any of the instructions I’d read online. So, I took my wand, gave the command, and a flicker of flame came from the end of my wand. And caught on the book on a shelf that was only a few inches away from the candle.” A few gasps came from my students, as well as a few embarrassed giggles at the blunder.
“The thing was, I’d done a good job,” I said tiredly. “The flame had caught well. I wasn’t sure what to do, and my mind spun furiously trying to find a solution, and at that point I was mostly worried about getting in trouble. I knew water spells, but of course I didn’t know conjuration, not at a seventh grade level. I rushed to the bathroom and took the toothbrushes out of the cup they were in, filled up the cup with water, and rushed back to my bedroom, splashing it on the fire to try to put it out. But by that point, the fire had spread to more books. One cup of water didn’t cut it.”
At this point, the students started to look concerned. Fire was no joke, they knew that much about magic, and likely they were imagining themselves in such a predicament. What do you do? Do you call a parent? Do you let yourself get in trouble, or risk things getting even more out of control?
“Luckily, the fire alarm on my bedroom ceiling went off, and my mother ran in. She put it out with a conjuration of water, and I was left with half my desk burnt and soggy,” I told them. “And in big trouble. But as you realized while I was telling this story…it could’ve been a lot worse. Now, I’m not telling you this to make you concerned about learning fire spells; I’m telling you this to cover a bigger lesson, which is to remember that the curriculum of magic is laid out in a very specific order, and it’s very important to learn each spell from here to the end of high school, or college, with someone experienced and in a safe environment.
“It’s great fun to go to the pier at the beach and see impressive displays of fire spells, but often you’ll find yourself wondering what it looked like the first time they tried the spell. And it’s not like what you see in movies or shows, because they are concerned with telling a story, not with accuracy. That fire juggler at the pier is much older than you and has been working with fire for many years. Not only that, but when it comes to any dangerous skill, you do get hurt. It’s just part of the deal. The next time you can ask questions of an adult who’s talented in magic that can be dangerous, ask them how often they got hurt first learning. And ask them how often they get hurt, when the last time was that it happened. Learning new tricks, even as an adult, can be dangerous.”
One of the girls in the class raised her hand. “Yes, Leanna?” I spoke.
“Are you good at fire spells now?” she asked.
I grinned. “Yes, but I am not allowed to do them in the classroom.” The sounds of disappointed children echoed through my classroom of students. “You’re eager to learn, that’s good. I hope that excitement stays with you when you need to practice everything in the homework you’ll have. Now, please open your books to chapter three. Speaking of steps, it’s time to take the next one.”
2024.06.07 21:10 Qwertyyuiopp_ Just finished reading adult children of emotionally immature parents
Is anyone else an externalizer? And if so did you like this book? I feel like her book, while helpful was at some points very binary. While I do inherently process things through external methods (talking emotions though, ranting when upset, and changing my mood based on the moods of others) I don't think I'm at an increased likelihood of being abusive myself because I have empathy and have chosen to make sure that my exterbalizing methods don't allow me to be shitty to others. Along with this I also dislike the way she paints the internalizer, externalizer family dynamics. My brother was an internalizer ever since he was young he has been favoured (but still abused) by my parents because he was quiet and independent. Me, as a child with big emotions was pushed to the sidelines and labelled as dramatic instead of taught to emotionally regulate. Their abuse made my outbursts worse until I gave up (really recently) at trying to get their attention. I also personally don't think I gave my brother hell past typical sibling scream matches (which I would always get pubished for). So this is my main qualm with the book, and I think this part is waaay to reductionistic, but other than that I loved it! It really got to the root of why emotionally inmature parents are this way.
submitted by Qwertyyuiopp_ to CPTSD [link] [comments]
2024.06.07 21:08 Time_Rest1007 Sharing my full story before I go
I’ve (26M) struggled with depression and some suicidal ideation on and off since I was 16. It was a long road and took a lot of work on myself and countless hours of therapy, but around the end of 2023, I was in what I now consider to be the peak of my life. I was working a job I mostly liked, two semesters away from finishing my bachelor’s degree online and exercising almost every other day. After years of loneliness, I finally found a friend group I really adored spending time with, and I had a boyfriend with whom I hadn’t even realized I had fallen in love, whom I’d seen for about 6 months. For perhaps the first time, I had a generally positive outlook, I felt confident and attractive, and I had so much going for me. I had no clue that I was about to make a decision that would significantly alter that course and steer me off into the deepest, darkest depression and most relentless desire to end it all that I’ve ever felt. This is a very long and personal post about my decision to have surgery that I now, in hindsight, believe to have been unnecessary. The surgery itself has left me with chronic pain and probably lifelong negative consequences that are far worse than anything I ever experienced prior. I’ve kept most of this to myself other than sharing it with my therapist, and although I’m on the ledge, I think writing it all down and putting it out there may calm me somewhat. I haven’t spared some graphic details of some of the more sensitive changes to my body because I want this to be as detailed and accurate as possible. And anyway, why should I care? I may be dead soon anyway... My hope is that if I share my story, someone, somewhere, might benefit from it and might not make the same mistake I did that has me sincerely wanting to off myself. So here it goes.
Around NovembeDecember 2023, I started experiencing some strange stabbing pain in my upper right abdomen that would come on suddenly and then go away for no obvious reason. I also thought I saw trace amounts of blood in my stool, and this concerned me enough that I reached out to my primary care doctor at the beginning of January. My doctor is always booked for months, so they told me to go to the emergency room. The ER was packed, and I ended up sitting in the waiting room for about eight hours in between going for an ultrasound and a CT scan. I was getting very tired of waiting and was about ready to give up and leave as I had to work early in the morning the next day. Looking back, I wish I had left. Just before I was about to leave, they called me back and told me that they found something on the CT scan called an intussusception in my small bowel. This is a condition where the intestine gets caught on a “lead point” and folds in on itself, sort of like a telescope. It is most often found in infants and is very rarely found in people my age, yet I was told it is a medical emergency because the tissue of my bowel could die if left untreated, and/or the lead point could be a potentially cancerous tumor. They admitted me and told me they would scan me again in the morning because, despite the severity, there was a chance it could resolve. Hearing that I would be staying overnight shocked me, as I had never been hospitalized before, having always been in good physical health. I have never had digestive issues in the past, I’ve never been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis or anything of the sort, and I had never heard of this condition, but every medical professional I spoke to seemed very concerned that I had it. They didn’t have a bed for me in the hospital at that point, so I had to sleep in the packed and quite chaotic ER. About an hour after I was given a bed, a man was admitted a few feet from me who was very aggressive with all of the nurses, screaming and cursing at them throughout the night. I was not allowed to eat or drink, given the possibility of surgery. I struggled to get any sleep in that environment and woke up the next morning feeling very lethargic.
The surgeon and resident came by my bed and we spoke briefly. The surgeon explained that while the condition was serious, if it continued to show up in my CT scans, they could do minimally invasive laparoscopic surgery to resect the piece of my bowel that was telescoped and stitch it back together. I feel they really downplayed the severity of this procedure. I will never forget them saying, “It’s such a small piece of your bowel, you won’t miss it.” They felt that since I was young and otherwise healthy, I should have no problem making a full recovery. I felt confident in the fact that I was speaking to the chief of surgery at the hospital, who has more than twenty years of experience in the field. Then they brought me for my second scan, and within a few hours I was told the intussusception had not resolved. I was admitted to a hospital room, and the resident came to discuss moving forward with the surgery. My first impulse was “absolutely not,” but I quickly second-guessed myself. Everything I saw in the limited research I was able to do on my phone stated that this was indeed a serious condition that warranted surgery. In that moment, it seemed like the reasons not to go through with it were somewhat vain, such as not wanting the scars and having to forgo lifting weights at the gym for some time. Though it didn’t quite make sense to me that they wanted to operate on the complete opposite side of my body from the one that was in pain and which brought me into the ER in the first place. When I asked the resident about this, he responded, “We don’t understand how referred pain works,” Okay, fair enough, I thought. More than anything, I thought that if a doctor was in front of me, telling me what was going on with my body was an emergency situation that warranted immediate surgery, I should probably listen to them. They’re the “experts,” after all. And given the state I was in, having been in the hospital for over 24 hours at that point, running on very little sleep and nothing to eat, I don’t think I really had the capacity to fully parse what was going on, but given the doctors level of concern, it seemed like I urgently had to make a decision. After about an hour of talking it over with my mother, even though I never had any pain in the area they were about to operate on, I signed the consent papers. (Biggest fucking mistake of my life) I remember they listed risks of things that could go wrong during or shortly after the surgery, such as infection, bowel perforation, etc. They did not mention the procedure’s possible long-term consequences, and neither the surgeon nor resident ever mentioned possible long-term complications, and I didn’t think to ask. I had no experience with this kind of thing whatsoever; I am not a doctor, I don’t know any doctors, and no one I know has ever had abdominal surgery… I was so naive to trust these people, but I did. In fact, I trusted them so much that I was not terribly scared of the procedure I was about to undergo. Again, I chalk that up to the reduced mental capacity I was in, given a tough overnight stay in the ER. I remember the adrenaline rush as I was wheeled down to the operating room. I was singing one of my favorite songs in my head, hyping myself up for the procedure ahead of me. The last thing I remember was one of the OR nurses telling my mother not to worry, that the surgeon was “the best,” and that they had even operated on her husband.
I woke up high as a kite. I heard one of the nurses say I had been given fentanyl, which I remember freaked me out; I had forgotten it is more than a street drug and actually has legitimate uses. The procedure had gone fine, and I was discharged only a day or two later, with my only guidance upon discharge being not to lift heavy objects and “take it easy,” I was in some pain, but it was to be expected at that point and was well controlled by combining Tylenol and Advil. The surgeon called later that week to inform me that the pathology report had come back and that the lead point was simply “some swollen lymph nodes,” I was relieved to hear that it was not cancer. At my follow-up appointment two weeks later, I reported feeling pretty much fine. I had been granted medical leave and short-term disability from my job for six weeks following the surgery. This was the full length of time after which the surgeons expected I would recover fully. I used the time off to hang out with friends and my boyfriend and to focus on finishing what would have been my final semester of school. Those were the last few weeks that I felt somewhat normal despite what I had just gone through. I had no idea what was about to come.
About 5 weeks post-op is when I first began experiencing worse pain deep in my abdomen, right where I had the surgery, plus the pain in my upper right abdomen had not gone away. This new pain is crampy, yet sometimes stabbing, and had seemed to worsen with activity; I have experienced it every single day, nearly every hour, to varying degrees, since the beginning of February. That was also when I began regularly bloating and having difficulty going to the bathroom. No matter how hard I try to push, I can’t fully evacuate my bowels. (This is a nightmare for someone who has receptive anal sex like I used to do regularly. It is now impossible). With the emergence of all these symptoms, I felt very, very scared that there was something else wrong with me. And, of course, this all happened in the week when I was set to return to work. I have a physically demanding customer service job, and I was in so much pain that I found it impossible to be nice to the customers or even stand, so I left and, thankfully, was allowed to take the rest of the week off to figure things out. I obviously called my surgeon, but it also prompted me to do deeper research into the complications that can develop following abdominal surgery. I began pouring over medical journals, trying to figure out what was going on in my body on my own. That was when I first learned about “surgical adhesions.” These are fibrous bands of scar tissue that can develop due to the incisions made during surgery and handling of the bowel. As your body heals from the trauma of surgery, this scar tissue forms and can cause your intestine to stick to other organs or structures in your body. According to medical literature, they form in 90% of all patients who undergo abdominal surgery, but not all adhesions cause complications like what I’ve experienced. They are not easy to diagnose as they are impossible to visualize on any imaging tests, they do not go away on their own (it’s scar tissue), and the only treatment is surgically cutting them apart, which is risky, given that there’s a strong chance they will just grow back and possibly be even worse. This was obviously terrifying to me, but when I asked the surgeon about this, they said, “There’s very little chance that’s what’s happening,” given that the procedure was laparoscopic, not open. I scheduled another appointment with them, wherein they seemed quite dismissive of my concerns. They said the pain was likely “incisional” (it wasn’t and isn’t) but that they would order another CT scan so we could see what was going on. They also wrote me a script for gabapentin, an anticonvulsant meant to prevent seizures that is used off-label to treat pain and anxiety, with the qualifier that they would not write a script for anything stronger, basically implying that I was seeking narcotics, which was not at all the case, and which I found extremely offensive.
My next CT scan was scheduled about a month following that appointment in early March. In the interim, I began taking the gabapentin. I used more than I was prescribed because it was the only way I was able to control the pain and allow myself to feel comfortable at work. I didn’t anticipate the changes it would cause to my mood and behavior. In addition to feeling depressed and scared, I was also becoming easily emotionally dysregulated in ways I believe I would have been able to control prior to taking the medication. But when I didn’t take it, I was in pretty bad pain almost all the time, and I didn’t understand why at that point. My boyfriend noticed these changes in my mood and decided he needed space from me to protect his emotional wellbeing. I didn’t blame him then, and I still don’t, but I miss him terribly. We were supposed to remain “friends,” and he at least pretended he wanted that for a bit of time. At that point, I became determined to ween myself off the gabapentin and continue to work on improving my mental and physical health, for myself, but also for him; as I said, I really loved him. Later that week, after we split, I had my CT scan, and the surgeon called to tell me that it looked like I was just constipated. They advised me to take Miralax daily to ease that constipation, which should hopefully make me feel better. To me, this seemed like a huge relief. I started taking the Miralax, and at that point, I started exercising and lifting weights again. I also started trying to bulk up again, which had been an important part of my fitness journey prior to the surgery.
So April rolls around, and I am still trying my best to resume my normal life, which felt possible again at that point. I did end up successfully weening myself off gabapentin. With this newfound reinvigoration, I attempted to get my boyfriend back. We would make plans, but then he would reschedule again and again. Eventually, he kept our plans, and we met up for a talk in the park. We obviously had a lot to talk about in our relationship, at which point he told me that he simply was not attracted to me anymore. This was devastating news, as that was the first time I realized it was really over. Before I had thought that if I could show him how much I was trying to get back to the place I was before the surgery, he would stick around, but that was the moment I realized it was impossible for him to see me in the light he once did. Nevertheless, I tried to push on, kept going to the gym, and kept trying to get my life back. I was still seeing my friends regularly, and I was able to push myself to get through work, even though it was painful and hard. Plus, I was still working on my degree despite not feeling able to give it my best effort and focus with everything going on. I was still motivated to keep going, and I thought things might improve from there.
Well, lo and behold, they did not. One day in early April, I was sitting on the couch, sort of mindlessly snacking on some almonds before I was set to go have drinks with friends and see a concert. Immediately afterward, I felt that pain again in my abdomen. Despite that, I was really excited to see my friends and see the show. We met at a bar, where I had three cocktails before we made our way to the venue. I drank one or two more while the opener played. But by the time the headliner came on, I ended up in so much pain that I told my friends quite regrettably that I had to leave. I walked home and ate a small snack, wrongfully thinking it might make me feel better, before popping a melatonin and heading to bed. I woke up around 2 AM in the most intense pain I have experienced both before and after the surgery. I was extremely bloated and unable to pass gas or move my bowels. I had read somewhere that this was a sign of bowel obstruction and that I needed to seek medical attention. I made the decision to go to the ER. I walked down the stairs to leave, and as I did, I felt myself begin to vomit. Thankfully I was able to make it to the sink as I puked up what I imagine was that snack I’d had before bed. Shortly after, I arrived at the ER, this time choosing a different facility from the one where the surgeon had dismissed all of my post-surgical concerns. I was quickly admitted and given another CT scan. They confirmed my bowel was obstructed and told me they would place a tube into my nose down to my stomach to try to pump some of the blockage out. I asked the ER doctor if I was going to need to have surgery, to which he replied, “It’s a strong possibility.” This was horrifying to me. Getting the tube inserted into my nose was so painful, and I was screaming in agony the entire time. Then they gave me morphine, and I passed out. The details and timeline of that hospital stay are somewhat hazy in my mind, but I ended up being there for four days, over which I was given a “gastro graph challenge” test, wherein I was instructed to drink a contrast element which would be visualized by a series of Xrays so the doctors could monitor if anything was passing through my intestines. I met with another surgeon, whom I found to be much more attentive than my prior one, or at least simply possessing superior active listening skills. In fact, I felt that all of the staff at this second hospital were a lot more sensitive to my needs than the first. I really wish I had gone there the first time, as it’s the best hospital in the city. Add that to my long list of mistakes… Anyway.
Despite her more positive demeanor, she recommended another emergency surgery, this time a laparotomy (open) surgery to resect my bowel a second time. Her hypothesis was that the anastomosis (the medical term for the connection formed between my bowel loops during the first surgery) could be too narrow to allow food to pass through properly. I asked this new surgeon if it was possible I had adhesions causing this problem, and unlike the last one, she said, “It’s possible,” especially given that these symptoms began emerging a few weeks after the first surgery. But, like I said, they don’t really know what’s going on until they cut you open and go in there. Given that I am now much more aware of the risks of surgery and the risks of having a second procedure, I was fervently against going under the knife again. I simply couldn’t handle it. So I opted for conservative management, which meant waiting it out, taking an enema, and eventually getting back on a liquid and then solid diet. Thankfully, sitting in the hospital being NPO (Latin for nil per os - “nothing by mouth”) and taking the gastro graph made it pass eventually, and I didn’t have to have a second surgery. I was discharged from the hospital with instructions to schedule another diagnostic test called a “small bowel series,” in which they use xrays to track the amount of time it takes liquid to pass through your digestive system and to start a “low residue” diet- meaning eating very little fiber. Suddenly gone from my diet are all of the fruits and vegetables I once loved, and I can’t eat nuts or seeds (It seems to me that those almonds caused the obstruction in the first place). Basically, I’m now forced to exist on a diet of the most processed foods imaginable because although they are demonstrably unhealthy, that is all that my body is now able to safely digest.
After leaving that second hospital stay, I proceeded to delve even further into research about not only long-term abdominal surgery complications such as adhesions but also the nature of adult intussusceptions in general. I once again started furiously googling, finding results from medical journals and personal accounts from Reddit. I came to the conclusion that intussusceptions in adults, while ostensibly serious, have a strong possibility of resolving on their own, especially when they present in the small bowel, in the absence of vomiting (I never vomited before going to the hospital in January), when there is no obvious lead point (they couldn’t see it on my scans) and there is no obstruction (I was never obstructed before the surgery). Furthermore, while intussusception does present with blood in the stool, it is usually described as “currant jelly stool” (something I don’t recommend you google because it looks atrocious), which is not even close to the trace amounts of blood I saw in my own stool. (But no one ever asked, so how would I know the difference?) I never experienced any pain whatsoever in the area of my small bowel before the surgery. And yet I was told by a doctor that I was experiencing a medical emergency, which might have been caused by some malignant growth, which scared the shit out of me and made me feel at the time that immediate action was necessary. At one point, I even found a paper that attributed intussusception to cannabis use, which I had engaged in that week. In these papers, the authors highlight that these intussusceptions were transient and did not require surgical intervention. And on the point of adhesions, they are not easily diagnosed, and they are not easily treatable without surgical intervention; and said intervention is a cache 22 scenario because every time you get cut open, you risk growing back even more adhesions.
With all of this knowledge, I became absolutely distraught. I was never informed that by having this procedure performed, I would be at this increased risk of experiencing bowel obstruction. Like most people, I literally had no idea what an “adhesion” even was. What made me lose hope the most was that it seems as if doctors do these surgeries and simply ignore adhesion as a consequence because they don’t have any feasible way to prevent it or treat it without potentially creating more adhesion. So, although I was released from the hospital having avoided a second surgery, I felt more lost and hopeless than ever. I simply couldn’t cope with the realization that this would be something I would deal with for the rest of my life, something I could’ve avoided had I never agreed to get the first surgery because although I had that original pain I mentioned earlier- which has still continued to this day, it wasn’t and isn’t anything close to how excruciating the obstruction was, and it wasn’t really disrupting my life in the way the post-surgical pain has. But under the guidance of doctors, I opted to permanently alter my body, and there’s no going back. I feel so incredibly stupid for being deceived by these “medical professionals” who didn’t take the time to understand what was actually going on with me and chose to take an overly aggressive course of action that has left me permanently altered, in pain, and completely diminished my quality of life.
That week after leaving the hospital was truly the most suicidal I have ever felt. As I mentioned, I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation on and off since my adolescence. I’ve always had latent thoughts about wanting to die, wanting to escape, feeling like I’m hopeless and there’s no use trying to better myself. But this time, the desire to end my life was so much more intense. I became extremely disassociated from everything in life. In that week following my second hospitalization, there was absolutely nothing that could bring me joy. Before the surgery, I used to find deep pleasure in simply walking around my neighborhood for at least an hour every day. But I couldn’t do it anymore because walking gives me time to think, and thinking is too painful. It always leads back to the realization of the way I am now. Nothing could make me smile or laugh. I couldn’t even listen to music, one of my favorite things in the world. I became completely devoid of all emotions as my research transitioned away from my various new ailments and into ways I could end my life.
The rest of April and May passed by in a blur. Over that time, I’ve had two more appointments with the surgeons I met at the second hospital, a small bowel study (a more in-depth series of x-rays tracking the transit time of liquid through the GI tract), and a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Those have not yielded any significant findings as to what is going on, making me believe even more that all of these problems are being caused by adhesions. However, the small bowel study did reveal that my stomach is slightly herniated, which I believe is the cause of the original pain that I sought care for in the first place. At my last appointment, I was told to see a “small bowel specialist” GI doctor. But that was three weeks ago, and I haven’t even been able to get an appointment with them. I’m on a waiting list, but I imagine I’m looking at many months before I can get an appointment. I don’t know what they’re going to do for me. I don’t know that there’s anything that can be done besides more surgery, and I am very fearful about that. I fear the only way that these fucking doctors who fucked me up in the first place are going to even try to help me is if I’m obstructed again. But the changes to my diet, as much as I hate them, have kept me in a more manageable amount of pain and out of the hospital for now.
It is now June, and I am shocked that I am still here and confused about what to do now. Despite the diet, I still feel pain and discomfort at some point in the day, every single day. I think about wanting this all to end all of the time. I have not attempted again, though I did pick up another nitrogen tank, and I’ve also stockpiled a 90 day supply of my antidepressant, so at least I have the option. I am drinking two bottles of wine or half a bottle of vodka nearly every night. Alcohol is the only thing that seems to quiet my thoughts enough to get through each evening. I am sitting here in a cycle where I think about doing it, but I still feel obligated to go to work, to see my friends, and to feed my cat. My life has continued, but I don’t feel like I’m living anymore; I merely exist. I feel extremely unattractive because although I look the same as I did on the outside, I’m overcome with never ending emotional pain and turmoil on the inside. I am now unable to take care of myself and be on top of my life the way I used to be. After the second hospitalization, I dropped out of school and have no plans to continue, as I won’t need a bachelor’s degree when I’m dead. I have stopped exercising altogether, as it feels like there’s no point in trying to improve or take care of a body that has been permanently broken. Through all of this, I’ve lost much of my confidence and I feel I have completely lost my identity. I miss that old me so much. I miss my boyfriend so much. Plans with my friends are sometimes the only thing that keeps me going, and I am extremely grateful for them, but despite their continued presence, I feel extremely isolated and lonely. It’s hard to explain what I’ve been through to people without the context of all that has happened. I don’t have the energy to share it with them. And I feel if I speak about what I’m going through, I will feel like a burden, killing the vibe, and I don’t want that.
I have never felt this alienated from my body and from everything in life. I cannot cope with the fact that things will never be how they were before. I feel so incredibly distraught that I threw away what was shaping up to be the best days of my life. There’s nothing I or anyone else can do to change what has happened to me. It took me such a long time to get to the place I was in before the surgery. It was a brief and beautiful couple of months, but it’s over, and there’s no way for me to return. Even if there was, I don’t have that much of a fight left in me. I feel like such a fucking idiot for allowing the doctors to do this to me. I look around at all the happy people around me and know that I am dragging them down with my depression. I am tired of feeling helpless and like a burden on everyone I love. I am a shell of the person I once was. Ending it all is the singular thing that’s in my control. It is the only way to end all of this pain and suffering and stop the concern and confusion of my loved ones. I know that my exit will be painful to them, but they will all get over it in time. But me? I don’t think I will ever get over this. I will never be able to accept this horrible choice that I made. I am so tired of living this way. I am supposed to turn 27 soon, but I really don’t want to live to see my birthday. I have nothing to celebrate. My life is completely, irreversibly fucked. I don’t know when I will go, but it will be sooner rather than later. I am so sorry to everyone. I know this will hurt. I just can’t go on living this way. To all the people I care about, know that I love you, and I am so thankful you were part of my life. I know you will all go on to do great things without me. This entire saga has been unbearable; my life has spun out of control, and suicide is the only way to end my suffering. I’m sorry. I’m signing off.
TL;DR: Doctors performed a surgery I now think was unnecessary and the complications make me want to kill myself.
submitted by Time_Rest1007 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
Around NovembeDecember 2023, I started experiencing some strange stabbing pain in my upper right abdomen that would come on suddenly and then go away for no obvious reason. I also thought I saw trace amounts of blood in my stool, and this concerned me enough that I reached out to my primary care doctor at the beginning of January. My doctor is always booked for months, so they told me to go to the emergency room. The ER was packed, and I ended up sitting in the waiting room for about eight hours in between going for an ultrasound and a CT scan. I was getting very tired of waiting and was about ready to give up and leave as I had to work early in the morning the next day. Looking back, I wish I had left. Just before I was about to leave, they called me back and told me that they found something on the CT scan called an intussusception in my small bowel. This is a condition where the intestine gets caught on a “lead point” and folds in on itself, sort of like a telescope. It is most often found in infants and is very rarely found in people my age, yet I was told it is a medical emergency because the tissue of my bowel could die if left untreated, and/or the lead point could be a potentially cancerous tumor. They admitted me and told me they would scan me again in the morning because, despite the severity, there was a chance it could resolve. Hearing that I would be staying overnight shocked me, as I had never been hospitalized before, having always been in good physical health. I have never had digestive issues in the past, I’ve never been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis or anything of the sort, and I had never heard of this condition, but every medical professional I spoke to seemed very concerned that I had it. They didn’t have a bed for me in the hospital at that point, so I had to sleep in the packed and quite chaotic ER. About an hour after I was given a bed, a man was admitted a few feet from me who was very aggressive with all of the nurses, screaming and cursing at them throughout the night. I was not allowed to eat or drink, given the possibility of surgery. I struggled to get any sleep in that environment and woke up the next morning feeling very lethargic.
The surgeon and resident came by my bed and we spoke briefly. The surgeon explained that while the condition was serious, if it continued to show up in my CT scans, they could do minimally invasive laparoscopic surgery to resect the piece of my bowel that was telescoped and stitch it back together. I feel they really downplayed the severity of this procedure. I will never forget them saying, “It’s such a small piece of your bowel, you won’t miss it.” They felt that since I was young and otherwise healthy, I should have no problem making a full recovery. I felt confident in the fact that I was speaking to the chief of surgery at the hospital, who has more than twenty years of experience in the field. Then they brought me for my second scan, and within a few hours I was told the intussusception had not resolved. I was admitted to a hospital room, and the resident came to discuss moving forward with the surgery. My first impulse was “absolutely not,” but I quickly second-guessed myself. Everything I saw in the limited research I was able to do on my phone stated that this was indeed a serious condition that warranted surgery. In that moment, it seemed like the reasons not to go through with it were somewhat vain, such as not wanting the scars and having to forgo lifting weights at the gym for some time. Though it didn’t quite make sense to me that they wanted to operate on the complete opposite side of my body from the one that was in pain and which brought me into the ER in the first place. When I asked the resident about this, he responded, “We don’t understand how referred pain works,” Okay, fair enough, I thought. More than anything, I thought that if a doctor was in front of me, telling me what was going on with my body was an emergency situation that warranted immediate surgery, I should probably listen to them. They’re the “experts,” after all. And given the state I was in, having been in the hospital for over 24 hours at that point, running on very little sleep and nothing to eat, I don’t think I really had the capacity to fully parse what was going on, but given the doctors level of concern, it seemed like I urgently had to make a decision. After about an hour of talking it over with my mother, even though I never had any pain in the area they were about to operate on, I signed the consent papers. (Biggest fucking mistake of my life) I remember they listed risks of things that could go wrong during or shortly after the surgery, such as infection, bowel perforation, etc. They did not mention the procedure’s possible long-term consequences, and neither the surgeon nor resident ever mentioned possible long-term complications, and I didn’t think to ask. I had no experience with this kind of thing whatsoever; I am not a doctor, I don’t know any doctors, and no one I know has ever had abdominal surgery… I was so naive to trust these people, but I did. In fact, I trusted them so much that I was not terribly scared of the procedure I was about to undergo. Again, I chalk that up to the reduced mental capacity I was in, given a tough overnight stay in the ER. I remember the adrenaline rush as I was wheeled down to the operating room. I was singing one of my favorite songs in my head, hyping myself up for the procedure ahead of me. The last thing I remember was one of the OR nurses telling my mother not to worry, that the surgeon was “the best,” and that they had even operated on her husband.
I woke up high as a kite. I heard one of the nurses say I had been given fentanyl, which I remember freaked me out; I had forgotten it is more than a street drug and actually has legitimate uses. The procedure had gone fine, and I was discharged only a day or two later, with my only guidance upon discharge being not to lift heavy objects and “take it easy,” I was in some pain, but it was to be expected at that point and was well controlled by combining Tylenol and Advil. The surgeon called later that week to inform me that the pathology report had come back and that the lead point was simply “some swollen lymph nodes,” I was relieved to hear that it was not cancer. At my follow-up appointment two weeks later, I reported feeling pretty much fine. I had been granted medical leave and short-term disability from my job for six weeks following the surgery. This was the full length of time after which the surgeons expected I would recover fully. I used the time off to hang out with friends and my boyfriend and to focus on finishing what would have been my final semester of school. Those were the last few weeks that I felt somewhat normal despite what I had just gone through. I had no idea what was about to come.
About 5 weeks post-op is when I first began experiencing worse pain deep in my abdomen, right where I had the surgery, plus the pain in my upper right abdomen had not gone away. This new pain is crampy, yet sometimes stabbing, and had seemed to worsen with activity; I have experienced it every single day, nearly every hour, to varying degrees, since the beginning of February. That was also when I began regularly bloating and having difficulty going to the bathroom. No matter how hard I try to push, I can’t fully evacuate my bowels. (This is a nightmare for someone who has receptive anal sex like I used to do regularly. It is now impossible). With the emergence of all these symptoms, I felt very, very scared that there was something else wrong with me. And, of course, this all happened in the week when I was set to return to work. I have a physically demanding customer service job, and I was in so much pain that I found it impossible to be nice to the customers or even stand, so I left and, thankfully, was allowed to take the rest of the week off to figure things out. I obviously called my surgeon, but it also prompted me to do deeper research into the complications that can develop following abdominal surgery. I began pouring over medical journals, trying to figure out what was going on in my body on my own. That was when I first learned about “surgical adhesions.” These are fibrous bands of scar tissue that can develop due to the incisions made during surgery and handling of the bowel. As your body heals from the trauma of surgery, this scar tissue forms and can cause your intestine to stick to other organs or structures in your body. According to medical literature, they form in 90% of all patients who undergo abdominal surgery, but not all adhesions cause complications like what I’ve experienced. They are not easy to diagnose as they are impossible to visualize on any imaging tests, they do not go away on their own (it’s scar tissue), and the only treatment is surgically cutting them apart, which is risky, given that there’s a strong chance they will just grow back and possibly be even worse. This was obviously terrifying to me, but when I asked the surgeon about this, they said, “There’s very little chance that’s what’s happening,” given that the procedure was laparoscopic, not open. I scheduled another appointment with them, wherein they seemed quite dismissive of my concerns. They said the pain was likely “incisional” (it wasn’t and isn’t) but that they would order another CT scan so we could see what was going on. They also wrote me a script for gabapentin, an anticonvulsant meant to prevent seizures that is used off-label to treat pain and anxiety, with the qualifier that they would not write a script for anything stronger, basically implying that I was seeking narcotics, which was not at all the case, and which I found extremely offensive.
My next CT scan was scheduled about a month following that appointment in early March. In the interim, I began taking the gabapentin. I used more than I was prescribed because it was the only way I was able to control the pain and allow myself to feel comfortable at work. I didn’t anticipate the changes it would cause to my mood and behavior. In addition to feeling depressed and scared, I was also becoming easily emotionally dysregulated in ways I believe I would have been able to control prior to taking the medication. But when I didn’t take it, I was in pretty bad pain almost all the time, and I didn’t understand why at that point. My boyfriend noticed these changes in my mood and decided he needed space from me to protect his emotional wellbeing. I didn’t blame him then, and I still don’t, but I miss him terribly. We were supposed to remain “friends,” and he at least pretended he wanted that for a bit of time. At that point, I became determined to ween myself off the gabapentin and continue to work on improving my mental and physical health, for myself, but also for him; as I said, I really loved him. Later that week, after we split, I had my CT scan, and the surgeon called to tell me that it looked like I was just constipated. They advised me to take Miralax daily to ease that constipation, which should hopefully make me feel better. To me, this seemed like a huge relief. I started taking the Miralax, and at that point, I started exercising and lifting weights again. I also started trying to bulk up again, which had been an important part of my fitness journey prior to the surgery.
So April rolls around, and I am still trying my best to resume my normal life, which felt possible again at that point. I did end up successfully weening myself off gabapentin. With this newfound reinvigoration, I attempted to get my boyfriend back. We would make plans, but then he would reschedule again and again. Eventually, he kept our plans, and we met up for a talk in the park. We obviously had a lot to talk about in our relationship, at which point he told me that he simply was not attracted to me anymore. This was devastating news, as that was the first time I realized it was really over. Before I had thought that if I could show him how much I was trying to get back to the place I was before the surgery, he would stick around, but that was the moment I realized it was impossible for him to see me in the light he once did. Nevertheless, I tried to push on, kept going to the gym, and kept trying to get my life back. I was still seeing my friends regularly, and I was able to push myself to get through work, even though it was painful and hard. Plus, I was still working on my degree despite not feeling able to give it my best effort and focus with everything going on. I was still motivated to keep going, and I thought things might improve from there.
Well, lo and behold, they did not. One day in early April, I was sitting on the couch, sort of mindlessly snacking on some almonds before I was set to go have drinks with friends and see a concert. Immediately afterward, I felt that pain again in my abdomen. Despite that, I was really excited to see my friends and see the show. We met at a bar, where I had three cocktails before we made our way to the venue. I drank one or two more while the opener played. But by the time the headliner came on, I ended up in so much pain that I told my friends quite regrettably that I had to leave. I walked home and ate a small snack, wrongfully thinking it might make me feel better, before popping a melatonin and heading to bed. I woke up around 2 AM in the most intense pain I have experienced both before and after the surgery. I was extremely bloated and unable to pass gas or move my bowels. I had read somewhere that this was a sign of bowel obstruction and that I needed to seek medical attention. I made the decision to go to the ER. I walked down the stairs to leave, and as I did, I felt myself begin to vomit. Thankfully I was able to make it to the sink as I puked up what I imagine was that snack I’d had before bed. Shortly after, I arrived at the ER, this time choosing a different facility from the one where the surgeon had dismissed all of my post-surgical concerns. I was quickly admitted and given another CT scan. They confirmed my bowel was obstructed and told me they would place a tube into my nose down to my stomach to try to pump some of the blockage out. I asked the ER doctor if I was going to need to have surgery, to which he replied, “It’s a strong possibility.” This was horrifying to me. Getting the tube inserted into my nose was so painful, and I was screaming in agony the entire time. Then they gave me morphine, and I passed out. The details and timeline of that hospital stay are somewhat hazy in my mind, but I ended up being there for four days, over which I was given a “gastro graph challenge” test, wherein I was instructed to drink a contrast element which would be visualized by a series of Xrays so the doctors could monitor if anything was passing through my intestines. I met with another surgeon, whom I found to be much more attentive than my prior one, or at least simply possessing superior active listening skills. In fact, I felt that all of the staff at this second hospital were a lot more sensitive to my needs than the first. I really wish I had gone there the first time, as it’s the best hospital in the city. Add that to my long list of mistakes… Anyway.
Despite her more positive demeanor, she recommended another emergency surgery, this time a laparotomy (open) surgery to resect my bowel a second time. Her hypothesis was that the anastomosis (the medical term for the connection formed between my bowel loops during the first surgery) could be too narrow to allow food to pass through properly. I asked this new surgeon if it was possible I had adhesions causing this problem, and unlike the last one, she said, “It’s possible,” especially given that these symptoms began emerging a few weeks after the first surgery. But, like I said, they don’t really know what’s going on until they cut you open and go in there. Given that I am now much more aware of the risks of surgery and the risks of having a second procedure, I was fervently against going under the knife again. I simply couldn’t handle it. So I opted for conservative management, which meant waiting it out, taking an enema, and eventually getting back on a liquid and then solid diet. Thankfully, sitting in the hospital being NPO (Latin for nil per os - “nothing by mouth”) and taking the gastro graph made it pass eventually, and I didn’t have to have a second surgery. I was discharged from the hospital with instructions to schedule another diagnostic test called a “small bowel series,” in which they use xrays to track the amount of time it takes liquid to pass through your digestive system and to start a “low residue” diet- meaning eating very little fiber. Suddenly gone from my diet are all of the fruits and vegetables I once loved, and I can’t eat nuts or seeds (It seems to me that those almonds caused the obstruction in the first place). Basically, I’m now forced to exist on a diet of the most processed foods imaginable because although they are demonstrably unhealthy, that is all that my body is now able to safely digest.
After leaving that second hospital stay, I proceeded to delve even further into research about not only long-term abdominal surgery complications such as adhesions but also the nature of adult intussusceptions in general. I once again started furiously googling, finding results from medical journals and personal accounts from Reddit. I came to the conclusion that intussusceptions in adults, while ostensibly serious, have a strong possibility of resolving on their own, especially when they present in the small bowel, in the absence of vomiting (I never vomited before going to the hospital in January), when there is no obvious lead point (they couldn’t see it on my scans) and there is no obstruction (I was never obstructed before the surgery). Furthermore, while intussusception does present with blood in the stool, it is usually described as “currant jelly stool” (something I don’t recommend you google because it looks atrocious), which is not even close to the trace amounts of blood I saw in my own stool. (But no one ever asked, so how would I know the difference?) I never experienced any pain whatsoever in the area of my small bowel before the surgery. And yet I was told by a doctor that I was experiencing a medical emergency, which might have been caused by some malignant growth, which scared the shit out of me and made me feel at the time that immediate action was necessary. At one point, I even found a paper that attributed intussusception to cannabis use, which I had engaged in that week. In these papers, the authors highlight that these intussusceptions were transient and did not require surgical intervention. And on the point of adhesions, they are not easily diagnosed, and they are not easily treatable without surgical intervention; and said intervention is a cache 22 scenario because every time you get cut open, you risk growing back even more adhesions.
With all of this knowledge, I became absolutely distraught. I was never informed that by having this procedure performed, I would be at this increased risk of experiencing bowel obstruction. Like most people, I literally had no idea what an “adhesion” even was. What made me lose hope the most was that it seems as if doctors do these surgeries and simply ignore adhesion as a consequence because they don’t have any feasible way to prevent it or treat it without potentially creating more adhesion. So, although I was released from the hospital having avoided a second surgery, I felt more lost and hopeless than ever. I simply couldn’t cope with the realization that this would be something I would deal with for the rest of my life, something I could’ve avoided had I never agreed to get the first surgery because although I had that original pain I mentioned earlier- which has still continued to this day, it wasn’t and isn’t anything close to how excruciating the obstruction was, and it wasn’t really disrupting my life in the way the post-surgical pain has. But under the guidance of doctors, I opted to permanently alter my body, and there’s no going back. I feel so incredibly stupid for being deceived by these “medical professionals” who didn’t take the time to understand what was actually going on with me and chose to take an overly aggressive course of action that has left me permanently altered, in pain, and completely diminished my quality of life.
That week after leaving the hospital was truly the most suicidal I have ever felt. As I mentioned, I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation on and off since my adolescence. I’ve always had latent thoughts about wanting to die, wanting to escape, feeling like I’m hopeless and there’s no use trying to better myself. But this time, the desire to end my life was so much more intense. I became extremely disassociated from everything in life. In that week following my second hospitalization, there was absolutely nothing that could bring me joy. Before the surgery, I used to find deep pleasure in simply walking around my neighborhood for at least an hour every day. But I couldn’t do it anymore because walking gives me time to think, and thinking is too painful. It always leads back to the realization of the way I am now. Nothing could make me smile or laugh. I couldn’t even listen to music, one of my favorite things in the world. I became completely devoid of all emotions as my research transitioned away from my various new ailments and into ways I could end my life.
The rest of April and May passed by in a blur. Over that time, I’ve had two more appointments with the surgeons I met at the second hospital, a small bowel study (a more in-depth series of x-rays tracking the transit time of liquid through the GI tract), and a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Those have not yielded any significant findings as to what is going on, making me believe even more that all of these problems are being caused by adhesions. However, the small bowel study did reveal that my stomach is slightly herniated, which I believe is the cause of the original pain that I sought care for in the first place. At my last appointment, I was told to see a “small bowel specialist” GI doctor. But that was three weeks ago, and I haven’t even been able to get an appointment with them. I’m on a waiting list, but I imagine I’m looking at many months before I can get an appointment. I don’t know what they’re going to do for me. I don’t know that there’s anything that can be done besides more surgery, and I am very fearful about that. I fear the only way that these fucking doctors who fucked me up in the first place are going to even try to help me is if I’m obstructed again. But the changes to my diet, as much as I hate them, have kept me in a more manageable amount of pain and out of the hospital for now.
It is now June, and I am shocked that I am still here and confused about what to do now. Despite the diet, I still feel pain and discomfort at some point in the day, every single day. I think about wanting this all to end all of the time. I have not attempted again, though I did pick up another nitrogen tank, and I’ve also stockpiled a 90 day supply of my antidepressant, so at least I have the option. I am drinking two bottles of wine or half a bottle of vodka nearly every night. Alcohol is the only thing that seems to quiet my thoughts enough to get through each evening. I am sitting here in a cycle where I think about doing it, but I still feel obligated to go to work, to see my friends, and to feed my cat. My life has continued, but I don’t feel like I’m living anymore; I merely exist. I feel extremely unattractive because although I look the same as I did on the outside, I’m overcome with never ending emotional pain and turmoil on the inside. I am now unable to take care of myself and be on top of my life the way I used to be. After the second hospitalization, I dropped out of school and have no plans to continue, as I won’t need a bachelor’s degree when I’m dead. I have stopped exercising altogether, as it feels like there’s no point in trying to improve or take care of a body that has been permanently broken. Through all of this, I’ve lost much of my confidence and I feel I have completely lost my identity. I miss that old me so much. I miss my boyfriend so much. Plans with my friends are sometimes the only thing that keeps me going, and I am extremely grateful for them, but despite their continued presence, I feel extremely isolated and lonely. It’s hard to explain what I’ve been through to people without the context of all that has happened. I don’t have the energy to share it with them. And I feel if I speak about what I’m going through, I will feel like a burden, killing the vibe, and I don’t want that.
I have never felt this alienated from my body and from everything in life. I cannot cope with the fact that things will never be how they were before. I feel so incredibly distraught that I threw away what was shaping up to be the best days of my life. There’s nothing I or anyone else can do to change what has happened to me. It took me such a long time to get to the place I was in before the surgery. It was a brief and beautiful couple of months, but it’s over, and there’s no way for me to return. Even if there was, I don’t have that much of a fight left in me. I feel like such a fucking idiot for allowing the doctors to do this to me. I look around at all the happy people around me and know that I am dragging them down with my depression. I am tired of feeling helpless and like a burden on everyone I love. I am a shell of the person I once was. Ending it all is the singular thing that’s in my control. It is the only way to end all of this pain and suffering and stop the concern and confusion of my loved ones. I know that my exit will be painful to them, but they will all get over it in time. But me? I don’t think I will ever get over this. I will never be able to accept this horrible choice that I made. I am so tired of living this way. I am supposed to turn 27 soon, but I really don’t want to live to see my birthday. I have nothing to celebrate. My life is completely, irreversibly fucked. I don’t know when I will go, but it will be sooner rather than later. I am so sorry to everyone. I know this will hurt. I just can’t go on living this way. To all the people I care about, know that I love you, and I am so thankful you were part of my life. I know you will all go on to do great things without me. This entire saga has been unbearable; my life has spun out of control, and suicide is the only way to end my suffering. I’m sorry. I’m signing off.
TL;DR: Doctors performed a surgery I now think was unnecessary and the complications make me want to kill myself.
2024.06.07 21:08 ElkUnique3789 Books where the main characters are not part of the aristocracy
No secret heirs, no nobles. They have to be a part of the peasantry, or merchants, something like that. I would prefer YA, but I don't mind New Adult. Please don't recommend dark romance. It's just not my cup of tea.
Bonus if the love interest is a sweet, kind person instead of the usual dark,broody type. (not a criticism, I love me a broody man, but I'm getting bored of the trope, sorry)
Would also love queer books as well. I hope this isn't too specific lol.
submitted by ElkUnique3789 to fantasyromance [link] [comments]
Bonus if the love interest is a sweet, kind person instead of the usual dark,broody type. (not a criticism, I love me a broody man, but I'm getting bored of the trope, sorry)
Would also love queer books as well. I hope this isn't too specific lol.
2024.06.07 21:08 AnrayJasper From which point of the story should I branch out my fanfic timeline?
So I want to write a warriors fanfic about an alternate timeline because I want to make my own generation of cats and my own plot but I dont want to wait until finishing all the current books. The problem is, I don't know where to start my alternative timeline because I don't want my fanfic's lore to miss out on all the interesting characters and plot already created. Can someone please recommend me a point in warrior cats after the Great battle where the better part of the books (at least for now) ended and most of the loose ends are tied up?
submitted by AnrayJasper to WarriorCats [link] [comments]
2024.06.07 21:04 EveningDiscoMushroom Fun Coincidence
I've been reading DCC since late May and I'm currently on Book 5. My husband has never heard of this series. He just told me about a dream he had last night where the world ended and he went underground and "it was kind of like an RPG" and he had to fight stuff and do magic.
I have the first book stashed away as part of his Father's Day present. It took everything I had to remain chill and not tell him everything. I cannot WAIT for him to get into this series.
submitted by EveningDiscoMushroom to DungeonCrawlerCarl [link] [comments]
I have the first book stashed away as part of his Father's Day present. It took everything I had to remain chill and not tell him everything. I cannot WAIT for him to get into this series.
2024.06.07 21:02 Ok-Statistician2836 In depth guide on annotating books in ap lit!
Hello and I hope you’re having a great day! I took ap lit last year and scored a 5 and got an a in the class. I just thought I’d share some of my favorite tips for annotating books/plays for ap lit. Hopefully this can help you a bit with summer reading or the class itself. There are obviously a ton of different ways to annotate so I’ll just be sharing my top tips on how to do it effectively!
Before annotating/reading:
My first step before I start annotating is to do some research into the themes of the story and maybe some major symbols/motifs. This will help you prepare to read the novel and notice these things from the start instead of having to go back and re annotate the first part of the story.
Another thing I’ve found helpful is to read around 25-50 pages before I begin annotating so I can familiarize myself with the basic characters and the authors writing style.
The final thing I do before actually reading and annotating is research the authors life and the time period in which the book was published. Context and chronology is especially important for books that center around society and/or politics. This background research can really help you deepen your understanding of the story as a whole especially the characters and themes.
Creating an annotation system:
This section will basically just give some suggestions for how you might actually annotate in practicality but please feel free to change and adapt this to fit what works best for you. So for me when I annotate I use a combination of pens, tabs, sticky notes, and highlighters. These items are by no means a necessity so just use whatever you have lying around.
I usually prefer underlining to highlighting as I find it looks neater and less overwhelming. I use multicolored pens to denote different things. This is adapted slightly for every book I read but I’ll share some of the most common categories I use. I almost always have a color for characters/character development, one for use of language, one for themes, one for plot, and one for motifs and symbols.
In addition, I also highlight occasionally but this is usually to mark very key quotes or lines that I know I’ll want to remember and will help me either for in class essays or for the final exam.
I mostly just write my notes in the margins but if there isn’t enough space then I’ll just use a sticky note for notes and analysis.
Finally, I also use little sticky tabs. I personally don’t color code mine, instead I’ll just use them to mark the most key scenes, pages, and plot points.
In practice:
So now that you’ve created your system however you choose to do so, it’s time to start annotating.
My number one tip is to just start. It might not look the nicest or be completely perfect from the start but with trial and error you’ll find a system that works really well for you!
My second tip is to not worry too much if you are doing it right. It’s your book and you decide what works best for you. Most people either over or under highlight when they start off and that’s totally fine! Just keep doing it and you’ll eventually figure it out.
My third tip is to write down/screenshot some of the key quotes and annotations for each theme and character. Put these online or in a notebook but make sure it stays decently organized because these quote + analysis banks will save you when writing essays in class and when preparing for the ap exam.
That’s all I have to say but please let me know if you have any questions or need any help! I’m sure you all will do super well in the class and on the exam :)
submitted by Ok-Statistician2836 to APLit [link] [comments]
Before annotating/reading:
My first step before I start annotating is to do some research into the themes of the story and maybe some major symbols/motifs. This will help you prepare to read the novel and notice these things from the start instead of having to go back and re annotate the first part of the story.
Another thing I’ve found helpful is to read around 25-50 pages before I begin annotating so I can familiarize myself with the basic characters and the authors writing style.
The final thing I do before actually reading and annotating is research the authors life and the time period in which the book was published. Context and chronology is especially important for books that center around society and/or politics. This background research can really help you deepen your understanding of the story as a whole especially the characters and themes.
Creating an annotation system:
This section will basically just give some suggestions for how you might actually annotate in practicality but please feel free to change and adapt this to fit what works best for you. So for me when I annotate I use a combination of pens, tabs, sticky notes, and highlighters. These items are by no means a necessity so just use whatever you have lying around.
I usually prefer underlining to highlighting as I find it looks neater and less overwhelming. I use multicolored pens to denote different things. This is adapted slightly for every book I read but I’ll share some of the most common categories I use. I almost always have a color for characters/character development, one for use of language, one for themes, one for plot, and one for motifs and symbols.
In addition, I also highlight occasionally but this is usually to mark very key quotes or lines that I know I’ll want to remember and will help me either for in class essays or for the final exam.
I mostly just write my notes in the margins but if there isn’t enough space then I’ll just use a sticky note for notes and analysis.
Finally, I also use little sticky tabs. I personally don’t color code mine, instead I’ll just use them to mark the most key scenes, pages, and plot points.
In practice:
So now that you’ve created your system however you choose to do so, it’s time to start annotating.
My number one tip is to just start. It might not look the nicest or be completely perfect from the start but with trial and error you’ll find a system that works really well for you!
My second tip is to not worry too much if you are doing it right. It’s your book and you decide what works best for you. Most people either over or under highlight when they start off and that’s totally fine! Just keep doing it and you’ll eventually figure it out.
My third tip is to write down/screenshot some of the key quotes and annotations for each theme and character. Put these online or in a notebook but make sure it stays decently organized because these quote + analysis banks will save you when writing essays in class and when preparing for the ap exam.
That’s all I have to say but please let me know if you have any questions or need any help! I’m sure you all will do super well in the class and on the exam :)
2024.06.07 21:00 Realistic-Possible13 What to do in this situation?
I want to daydream like I use to but for some years it was joy and struggle to do it. Sometimes I feel sad because I can't daydream like I use to. Most od the time I think I'm crazy for wanting to daydream to feel like myself and probably to others things. Is like my para has a numb feeling. They are just people living their lives but what I was doing in my day time inspired me to give my characters some joy and emotions too.
Since I don't have nothing intresting in my life even my characters has empty feelings. I tried to just make them feel joy but it seems to be like fake, a force to make them happy when right now I'm confused about my life. I do this for years and probably missing the joy of daydreaming make me feel like a part of me is gone. I know people here really enjoy the escape but why I can't do it anymore? Since depression I had for some time I feel like it killed my daydreams. I don't want to force it but I forgot how to do it and embrace it again letting life worries behind a bit. Music, movies, books nit helping much. Are the characters connected to my emotions. The para with fantasy works well I can daydream with no problem but what happened to the others one?
Is it me? I'm the problem? Will the daydreaming come back like it use too?
submitted by Realistic-Possible13 to ImmersiveDaydreaming [link] [comments]
Since I don't have nothing intresting in my life even my characters has empty feelings. I tried to just make them feel joy but it seems to be like fake, a force to make them happy when right now I'm confused about my life. I do this for years and probably missing the joy of daydreaming make me feel like a part of me is gone. I know people here really enjoy the escape but why I can't do it anymore? Since depression I had for some time I feel like it killed my daydreams. I don't want to force it but I forgot how to do it and embrace it again letting life worries behind a bit. Music, movies, books nit helping much. Are the characters connected to my emotions. The para with fantasy works well I can daydream with no problem but what happened to the others one?
Is it me? I'm the problem? Will the daydreaming come back like it use too?
2024.06.07 20:59 Mother_Seat_2543 Why don’t I "feel" other people? I genuinely don’t get anything out of social interactions. I’m not anxious. I don’t have a low self esteem. I just don’t ever connect with anyone or have the innate want to connect.
20F, if that’s important…
Anyways, I’ve always been quite an introverted individual but never socially anxious. I just love being alone. It was often concerning to adults. Like when I was in elementary school I would just find a spot at recess away from everyone and read or just daydream. And that’s another thing, my imagination has always been 1000x more enjoyable to me than real life interactions. It’s something I’ve learned to curb but as a child and all throughout my teen years, I would spend hours daydreaming. It would often be very unusual, stuff like imagining myself as a peasant in the 1500's or really mundane stuff like grocery shopping or teaching a class. Or when I started actually working, I would pretend that I was someone else (only to myself of course). Like I would create a back story for myself. Really deranged backstory’s and for those few hours I would embody that back story. It was the only thing that made work tolerable (I found work to be absolutely boring).
So obviously with these traits combined I come across as incredibly aloof to most people. I’ve had people get angry with me because they think I’m ignoring them even when I’m listening. The thing is I’m always halfway in my head daydreaming and talking to myself and then actually listening to people. I can do both at the same time. Choosing just to listen and talk to people is very boring though. Bc I don’t get emotional fulfillment or connection from people. I don’t really feel that in the way others do. I don’t think I have aspd because I do have a lot of empathy, weirdly enough. A part of my obsessions as a kid where tragedies. I was completely obsessed with the holocaust and would have emotional fits after reading books and watching movies about it. I feel lots of empathy for people who are going through tough experiences (doesn’t need to be extreme like the holocaust), but all the little socializing stuff in between is a chore for me.
That being said, I think there is a part of me that wants social connections, a friend or two. But I don’t even know where to start.
submitted by Mother_Seat_2543 to socialskills [link] [comments]
Anyways, I’ve always been quite an introverted individual but never socially anxious. I just love being alone. It was often concerning to adults. Like when I was in elementary school I would just find a spot at recess away from everyone and read or just daydream. And that’s another thing, my imagination has always been 1000x more enjoyable to me than real life interactions. It’s something I’ve learned to curb but as a child and all throughout my teen years, I would spend hours daydreaming. It would often be very unusual, stuff like imagining myself as a peasant in the 1500's or really mundane stuff like grocery shopping or teaching a class. Or when I started actually working, I would pretend that I was someone else (only to myself of course). Like I would create a back story for myself. Really deranged backstory’s and for those few hours I would embody that back story. It was the only thing that made work tolerable (I found work to be absolutely boring).
So obviously with these traits combined I come across as incredibly aloof to most people. I’ve had people get angry with me because they think I’m ignoring them even when I’m listening. The thing is I’m always halfway in my head daydreaming and talking to myself and then actually listening to people. I can do both at the same time. Choosing just to listen and talk to people is very boring though. Bc I don’t get emotional fulfillment or connection from people. I don’t really feel that in the way others do. I don’t think I have aspd because I do have a lot of empathy, weirdly enough. A part of my obsessions as a kid where tragedies. I was completely obsessed with the holocaust and would have emotional fits after reading books and watching movies about it. I feel lots of empathy for people who are going through tough experiences (doesn’t need to be extreme like the holocaust), but all the little socializing stuff in between is a chore for me.
That being said, I think there is a part of me that wants social connections, a friend or two. But I don’t even know where to start.
2024.06.07 20:57 Full-Caramel-9035 Race day/event registration/travel insurance?
Hey everyone,
I am debating entering a rather pricey race, tickets/accomodation are typically easier to book with free cancellation etc, but registration fees are typically not(or partially) refundable. Does anyone know of (or purchased/used) any insurance that covers registration fees and/or the whole trip fees in case I cant make it due to injury, event cancellations, wildfires etc?
I know I have used Protecht before but that was part of Ironman entry fees, so wont apply here.
I also found this https://www.eventregistrationprotection.com/allianzregistration/faq, but its only for US residents.
Any insight into options would be much appreciated!
submitted by Full-Caramel-9035 to ultrarunning [link] [comments]
I am debating entering a rather pricey race, tickets/accomodation are typically easier to book with free cancellation etc, but registration fees are typically not(or partially) refundable. Does anyone know of (or purchased/used) any insurance that covers registration fees and/or the whole trip fees in case I cant make it due to injury, event cancellations, wildfires etc?
I know I have used Protecht before but that was part of Ironman entry fees, so wont apply here.
I also found this https://www.eventregistrationprotection.com/allianzregistration/faq, but its only for US residents.
Any insight into options would be much appreciated!
2024.06.07 20:52 throwawaybadatrlshp I need to stop. This is the second time I’ve hit rock bottom. Think I just need to vent to people who get it…
Hi guys,
Thinking back, this is not my first Reddit post of a similar nature. I think all my life I’ve been addicted to things (weed, porn, “self help”, exercise). This is just one that’s been the most detrimental. I am a problem gambler and need help. I think I also need a place to just let it all out. Hopefully people will read and comment/resonate but I’m literally unable to concentrate at work because things are bad again. I apologize for it being long and you will all likely skip but if anyone reads, thank you.
I have a lot of trauma and am very lonely a lot of times. I had a bad experience being social and I think people pick up on my extreme awkwardness but they do not make me feel welcome, they come across judgy and I feel like I’m performing a dance begging for acceptance. So I spend even more time online (and have been like that since childhood) and don’t get much social interaction. This is relevant to how I got so sucked in so far.
Growing up, my parents were not only strict, but very strict about money. We were poor and they always told me to avoid debt but made it more about school debt (which I did avoid). They definitely talked about predatory credit card practices etc, but the one thing they did not ever instill in us was mitigating problem spending and gambling. Not just me but my mom and sister have really bad spending habits on food and unnecessary purchases…but I’m getting a bit ahead…
I didn’t get a credit card until a bit later, and didn’t have a job until about 2018-19 at 21. Even then, I barely used the CC and also barely drank. I hated gambling at a young age because I only know it as the casino in big cities with the excessive alcohol and lights and cigar smells I hated. Of course I was on my high horse at a younger age saying people were just “paying money to lose money and that made no sense”…My parents went to Vegas a lot, not weekly but every maybe 3-6 months because of comps. And us living close. I was mostly there just to watch my siblings and never went down to actually be in the casino. The vibes just always made me uncomfortable.
The one thing I did do was buy stocks. I remember briefly trying to understand the day trading stuff and I was so overwhelmed I just stuck to my traditional buying stocks and leaving them like a savings. Did good all the way until COVID, everything was down and I had to quit my job to move for school and was so burnt out from working (as “essential” while everyone else was not working) that I just took time off from work for like a year and a half. Spent all my stock market savings that was basically just all my money minus the interest made because of the COVID dip. I sold at the worst time possible but chose to do that instead of just getting work or even trying to learn about getting unemployment for my “mental health” LOL.
Right in my senior year of college I had a roommate who used a draft fantasy sports book. Never knew about money lines or anything about sports period,because I was too lazy to figure out sports rules, let alone betting line math…but I wanted to be accepted as a man and thought sports would be a good way to learn and build friendships…and “investing” money into it seemed like a worthwhile trade.
He explained oveunder props. Easy as cake. You think they’ll go over a certain line and you pick that. Even easier to upload your card and make an account. I thought it would be harmless…
I made one, did okay, but no crazy bets just $30-50 MAX like every couple of weeks. Trying to get into sports and fit in with the boys…. Didn’t care too much about losing $20 here and there and that’s my problem…
I then bring this up to a classmate in our data science class in 2022 wondering if there’s ways people can track player data…who tells me about “tailing” people who post their player picks online. Never knew about that/that there was already a market (bc I was new to sports).
He tells me about a guy he follows. Guy has a site with “the best prop data”. Clearly know this other guy is just selling his services but the service seems so beneficial. “Best hit rates in the game!” “No one has data like this”. Straight snake oil salesman tactics and I’m so aware of it, but it’s like I just didn’t care. Of course it’s just like ESPN data all on a histogram and not that revolutionary, and it’s like I already know I’m signing up for getting played but I just accept it(likely because I have settled for a lot in my life). I get a membership. I think oh I’ll make a ROI worth the cost of the membership and more! Right….
That was in about March-ish I think of last year. (Yea it was, because I specifically remember the old classmate asking me about March madness…). From March to June I had losses, but nothing super horrible, I didn’t really track it but I had never spent more than $100 max and probably only spent around $175 a month which was about the rate of all my subscriptions combined. but around this time I had also just had a very traumatic experience getting robbed and abandoned drunkenly during a party on campus. Somehow I made it back from the party to my house and allegedly my roommate helped me vomit/clean up but I woke up to my wallet and phone gone.
I felt violated, confused because I couldn’t remember certain events, sad that my “friends” didn’t even have my back at certain points. I was angry and really embarrassed and depressed and felt like I couldn’t trust ANYONE around me. Of course, them feeling second hand embarrassment from me, stopped inviting me out and our interactions got so awkward after that. I felt like now my reputation was just that drunk idiot who did god knows what while blacked out. And didn’t really have a lot of support.
My gambling got worse, but I didn’t make that much money so I also didn’t really bet that much either? It’s kind of a blur around that time now and I don’t really remember but I don’t think I was on the group chats/apps nearly as much as I am now. I also deleted them around graduation time because I needed to focus and I needed to save $$$ for my move out.
Fast forward I was in okay-ish shape: was able to get an apartment and higher paying job…but my relationship was strained with my now ex girlfriend. It was bad. I redownloaded the apps during this time. I was trying to plan out our future and she was not helping me. I was basically doing everything myself in the relationship and felt like my “investment” in our relationship wasn’t going anywhere…as she was not communicating and not helping me plan, so i began using that money for bets.
Initially it was “it’s just for fun now that I have more income! I can afford it now” then it was “oh it will be like a side hustle”.
But I got worse. I felt so disconnected and burnt out from my new job in finance, also very numb to large amounts of $$ on screens all day that I started betting hundreds daily. Then tie in disconnected from my ex and now had no friends. I was numb and needed to feel something, and alcohol was not enough. I’d drink here and there but never enough to get completely trashed like before because I was scared of that.
Now remember the subscription? This sub comes with a “chat room” FULL of a bunch of enabling children and their ring leader who makes the datasets. I used to respect what the guy does but I have so many problems with his business model: advertising slightly over 50/50 guesses as a worthwhile investment, getting his data out 5 minutes before games start (obviously so he can make his picks on his own first and then tell the followers after), calling his own patrons idiots and trying to make it sound like he’s the best gambler in the world and that if we’re losing we are just “not doing it right” when he’s really using $100,000s of dollars from subscribers to make his for fun bets while people desperately cling to some sort of “mathematical explanation” for why Alpha McThree is a better pick than Johnny Appleseeds.
I digress again. Basically there’s people around my age (20s) older (40s) and possibly younger all in these chats enabling each other to bet. You feel rushed because you have to “beat the prop bumps” when they move the lines. You feel constantly on edge and that anxiety feels good because of the potential payout, and then horrible when you’re off by one or two players and lose everything.
I became obsessed. It is probably the combination of the rush, the colors, the screen lighting in a more comfortable way to social media…the people encouraging you or congratulating you or worse bonding over shared loss, you start to feel in community.
Mind you, the community itself was toxic. I am part of the LGBT community but never disclosed, and there is so much homophobia and transphobia, sometimes even racism (I mean I get that I’m positing this to Reddit LOL) but it’s just weird to me as a POC who is part of this community to see all that stuff everyday and then say those are my people….and to pay a subscription to be apart of it…it felt like a weird digital fraternity. It felt “cool” to have a badge for my sports book, for people to recognize my nickname, to see the same names everyday, it felt like routine.
Everyday I’d wake up and bet. When I got COVID in December the amounts doubled and I was spending $500 in minutes instead of spread across days. I didn’t even care anymore. I’d keep playing and eventually lose it. Every single time like “I’m just gonna play enough to make my money back and pay off some of the debt and then delete everything!”
It never happens. I’m still $6k in debt, am -$230 overdraft and am now doing the one thing I really said would never do: ask my dad for help. I can’t concentrate on work because I’m so overwhelmed. I just got paid, still two weeks left and I have absolutely no money anywhere. And since I haven’t even paid my mom back the first time I am worried about asking again.
My dad doesn’t really reach out, but he texted me the other day. So instead of responding I just sent him a screenshot of my overdraft and told him I had to pay my apartment security deposit (which is true, technically) but it is really the stupid $600 bet that put me overdraft. I basically paid X amount on my credit card, didn’t see it post, told myself “maybe I forgot to do it” and said I had enough for the bets, lost three idiotic bets and then both the misses and the CC payment posted.
I feel like the “bending” of the truth will l start piling up and that things will stop checking out. He’s probably wondering how I’m overdraft and can connect two and two together (he’s seen my screenshots of bets when I was up, and asked me when I get paid and I’m too scared to say I got paid TWO DAYS AGO and am out -$2000) so I’m even more embarrassed and feel like I’m disappointing everyone.
I already owe my mom, and they aren’t even that rich at all so I feel horrible taking their money trying to pay myself back and then ending up back here again. But I am equally worried of them going nuclear and me being trapped back home/having to give up control of my bank account bc of it.
I feel stuck at my job because I need it to pay off my debt and save money/pay bills. I hate it so much, but need to stay here because of how bad the market is and I think dealing with the stress enables my behavior. I feel worse because I should have $20k saved up by now but instead I’m now total down -$26k. (The 20 I would’ve had saved plus my credit card).
So it’s just my lack of control and unnecessary purchase staring me in the face. Every day. While it takes me weeks to make even a dent in my debt. I literally have nothing in my fridge right now. I don’t know what I’m going to eat next week. And throughout all this my ex and I still talk, she still buys me lunch, she is a saint but our dynamic would not work
I’m meeting with my therapist today, and I contemplate either getting a new one specializing in addiction or stopping constantly one because of the cost but two because I’ll talk about it but I feel like I’m not even changing or doing the work…
I feel alone trying to get out of this hole and like this debt will follow me forever. I also wonder if I feel like I’m addicted to the wallowing too? Like now I have a reason to stay depressed.
How do I get better? Is there even any hope for me? I feel like I’m messing my life up and constantly at the mercy of something else and not myself… people around me have cars and solo apartments and I’m living check to check in debt with no purpose. How do I deal with stress?
submitted by throwawaybadatrlshp to problemgambling [link] [comments]
Thinking back, this is not my first Reddit post of a similar nature. I think all my life I’ve been addicted to things (weed, porn, “self help”, exercise). This is just one that’s been the most detrimental. I am a problem gambler and need help. I think I also need a place to just let it all out. Hopefully people will read and comment/resonate but I’m literally unable to concentrate at work because things are bad again. I apologize for it being long and you will all likely skip but if anyone reads, thank you.
I have a lot of trauma and am very lonely a lot of times. I had a bad experience being social and I think people pick up on my extreme awkwardness but they do not make me feel welcome, they come across judgy and I feel like I’m performing a dance begging for acceptance. So I spend even more time online (and have been like that since childhood) and don’t get much social interaction. This is relevant to how I got so sucked in so far.
Growing up, my parents were not only strict, but very strict about money. We were poor and they always told me to avoid debt but made it more about school debt (which I did avoid). They definitely talked about predatory credit card practices etc, but the one thing they did not ever instill in us was mitigating problem spending and gambling. Not just me but my mom and sister have really bad spending habits on food and unnecessary purchases…but I’m getting a bit ahead…
I didn’t get a credit card until a bit later, and didn’t have a job until about 2018-19 at 21. Even then, I barely used the CC and also barely drank. I hated gambling at a young age because I only know it as the casino in big cities with the excessive alcohol and lights and cigar smells I hated. Of course I was on my high horse at a younger age saying people were just “paying money to lose money and that made no sense”…My parents went to Vegas a lot, not weekly but every maybe 3-6 months because of comps. And us living close. I was mostly there just to watch my siblings and never went down to actually be in the casino. The vibes just always made me uncomfortable.
The one thing I did do was buy stocks. I remember briefly trying to understand the day trading stuff and I was so overwhelmed I just stuck to my traditional buying stocks and leaving them like a savings. Did good all the way until COVID, everything was down and I had to quit my job to move for school and was so burnt out from working (as “essential” while everyone else was not working) that I just took time off from work for like a year and a half. Spent all my stock market savings that was basically just all my money minus the interest made because of the COVID dip. I sold at the worst time possible but chose to do that instead of just getting work or even trying to learn about getting unemployment for my “mental health” LOL.
Right in my senior year of college I had a roommate who used a draft fantasy sports book. Never knew about money lines or anything about sports period,because I was too lazy to figure out sports rules, let alone betting line math…but I wanted to be accepted as a man and thought sports would be a good way to learn and build friendships…and “investing” money into it seemed like a worthwhile trade.
He explained oveunder props. Easy as cake. You think they’ll go over a certain line and you pick that. Even easier to upload your card and make an account. I thought it would be harmless…
I made one, did okay, but no crazy bets just $30-50 MAX like every couple of weeks. Trying to get into sports and fit in with the boys…. Didn’t care too much about losing $20 here and there and that’s my problem…
I then bring this up to a classmate in our data science class in 2022 wondering if there’s ways people can track player data…who tells me about “tailing” people who post their player picks online. Never knew about that/that there was already a market (bc I was new to sports).
He tells me about a guy he follows. Guy has a site with “the best prop data”. Clearly know this other guy is just selling his services but the service seems so beneficial. “Best hit rates in the game!” “No one has data like this”. Straight snake oil salesman tactics and I’m so aware of it, but it’s like I just didn’t care. Of course it’s just like ESPN data all on a histogram and not that revolutionary, and it’s like I already know I’m signing up for getting played but I just accept it(likely because I have settled for a lot in my life). I get a membership. I think oh I’ll make a ROI worth the cost of the membership and more! Right….
That was in about March-ish I think of last year. (Yea it was, because I specifically remember the old classmate asking me about March madness…). From March to June I had losses, but nothing super horrible, I didn’t really track it but I had never spent more than $100 max and probably only spent around $175 a month which was about the rate of all my subscriptions combined. but around this time I had also just had a very traumatic experience getting robbed and abandoned drunkenly during a party on campus. Somehow I made it back from the party to my house and allegedly my roommate helped me vomit/clean up but I woke up to my wallet and phone gone.
I felt violated, confused because I couldn’t remember certain events, sad that my “friends” didn’t even have my back at certain points. I was angry and really embarrassed and depressed and felt like I couldn’t trust ANYONE around me. Of course, them feeling second hand embarrassment from me, stopped inviting me out and our interactions got so awkward after that. I felt like now my reputation was just that drunk idiot who did god knows what while blacked out. And didn’t really have a lot of support.
My gambling got worse, but I didn’t make that much money so I also didn’t really bet that much either? It’s kind of a blur around that time now and I don’t really remember but I don’t think I was on the group chats/apps nearly as much as I am now. I also deleted them around graduation time because I needed to focus and I needed to save $$$ for my move out.
Fast forward I was in okay-ish shape: was able to get an apartment and higher paying job…but my relationship was strained with my now ex girlfriend. It was bad. I redownloaded the apps during this time. I was trying to plan out our future and she was not helping me. I was basically doing everything myself in the relationship and felt like my “investment” in our relationship wasn’t going anywhere…as she was not communicating and not helping me plan, so i began using that money for bets.
Initially it was “it’s just for fun now that I have more income! I can afford it now” then it was “oh it will be like a side hustle”.
But I got worse. I felt so disconnected and burnt out from my new job in finance, also very numb to large amounts of $$ on screens all day that I started betting hundreds daily. Then tie in disconnected from my ex and now had no friends. I was numb and needed to feel something, and alcohol was not enough. I’d drink here and there but never enough to get completely trashed like before because I was scared of that.
Now remember the subscription? This sub comes with a “chat room” FULL of a bunch of enabling children and their ring leader who makes the datasets. I used to respect what the guy does but I have so many problems with his business model: advertising slightly over 50/50 guesses as a worthwhile investment, getting his data out 5 minutes before games start (obviously so he can make his picks on his own first and then tell the followers after), calling his own patrons idiots and trying to make it sound like he’s the best gambler in the world and that if we’re losing we are just “not doing it right” when he’s really using $100,000s of dollars from subscribers to make his for fun bets while people desperately cling to some sort of “mathematical explanation” for why Alpha McThree is a better pick than Johnny Appleseeds.
I digress again. Basically there’s people around my age (20s) older (40s) and possibly younger all in these chats enabling each other to bet. You feel rushed because you have to “beat the prop bumps” when they move the lines. You feel constantly on edge and that anxiety feels good because of the potential payout, and then horrible when you’re off by one or two players and lose everything.
I became obsessed. It is probably the combination of the rush, the colors, the screen lighting in a more comfortable way to social media…the people encouraging you or congratulating you or worse bonding over shared loss, you start to feel in community.
Mind you, the community itself was toxic. I am part of the LGBT community but never disclosed, and there is so much homophobia and transphobia, sometimes even racism (I mean I get that I’m positing this to Reddit LOL) but it’s just weird to me as a POC who is part of this community to see all that stuff everyday and then say those are my people….and to pay a subscription to be apart of it…it felt like a weird digital fraternity. It felt “cool” to have a badge for my sports book, for people to recognize my nickname, to see the same names everyday, it felt like routine.
Everyday I’d wake up and bet. When I got COVID in December the amounts doubled and I was spending $500 in minutes instead of spread across days. I didn’t even care anymore. I’d keep playing and eventually lose it. Every single time like “I’m just gonna play enough to make my money back and pay off some of the debt and then delete everything!”
It never happens. I’m still $6k in debt, am -$230 overdraft and am now doing the one thing I really said would never do: ask my dad for help. I can’t concentrate on work because I’m so overwhelmed. I just got paid, still two weeks left and I have absolutely no money anywhere. And since I haven’t even paid my mom back the first time I am worried about asking again.
My dad doesn’t really reach out, but he texted me the other day. So instead of responding I just sent him a screenshot of my overdraft and told him I had to pay my apartment security deposit (which is true, technically) but it is really the stupid $600 bet that put me overdraft. I basically paid X amount on my credit card, didn’t see it post, told myself “maybe I forgot to do it” and said I had enough for the bets, lost three idiotic bets and then both the misses and the CC payment posted.
I feel like the “bending” of the truth will l start piling up and that things will stop checking out. He’s probably wondering how I’m overdraft and can connect two and two together (he’s seen my screenshots of bets when I was up, and asked me when I get paid and I’m too scared to say I got paid TWO DAYS AGO and am out -$2000) so I’m even more embarrassed and feel like I’m disappointing everyone.
I already owe my mom, and they aren’t even that rich at all so I feel horrible taking their money trying to pay myself back and then ending up back here again. But I am equally worried of them going nuclear and me being trapped back home/having to give up control of my bank account bc of it.
I feel stuck at my job because I need it to pay off my debt and save money/pay bills. I hate it so much, but need to stay here because of how bad the market is and I think dealing with the stress enables my behavior. I feel worse because I should have $20k saved up by now but instead I’m now total down -$26k. (The 20 I would’ve had saved plus my credit card).
So it’s just my lack of control and unnecessary purchase staring me in the face. Every day. While it takes me weeks to make even a dent in my debt. I literally have nothing in my fridge right now. I don’t know what I’m going to eat next week. And throughout all this my ex and I still talk, she still buys me lunch, she is a saint but our dynamic would not work
I’m meeting with my therapist today, and I contemplate either getting a new one specializing in addiction or stopping constantly one because of the cost but two because I’ll talk about it but I feel like I’m not even changing or doing the work…
I feel alone trying to get out of this hole and like this debt will follow me forever. I also wonder if I feel like I’m addicted to the wallowing too? Like now I have a reason to stay depressed.
How do I get better? Is there even any hope for me? I feel like I’m messing my life up and constantly at the mercy of something else and not myself… people around me have cars and solo apartments and I’m living check to check in debt with no purpose. How do I deal with stress?
2024.06.07 20:47 Jerry_217 [H] Many games updated 6-5 [W] US amazon digital gift card, tf2 keys, Field of Glory II: Medieval + DLCs, asterigos, Maniac, Ash of Gods, Cardboard Town, Resident Evil Village, Bosorka, Loot River, River City Girls 2, Ghost Song, Double Dragon, Book of Hours, Dead Estate, Songbird Symphony, wishlist
Region is NA.
If you have my wishlist games, Chat with me anytime. Only accept games from your own collection.
My REPs: 200+ successful trades, stopped tracking after 202.
Wishlist is in the end of this post
My steam games for trade (Can make gift links if possible):
Added recently:
Miasma ChroniclesRisk of Rain 2
Empyrion - Galactic Survival
Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector
Littlewood
One Hand Clapping
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition
Mad Max
MORTAL KOMBAT XL
Mortal Kombat 11: Ultimate
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
Gotham Knights
Back 4 Blood
Batman™: Arkham Knight Premium Edition
Batman™: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham City GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham Origins
.hack//G.U. Last Recode
GOD EATER 3
PAC-MAN MUSEUM+
TEKKEN 7
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Super Star (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Steam games:
9 Years of ShadowsA Juggler's Tale
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ABZU
Aces and Adventures
Ad Infinitum
Afterimage
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Alchemy Garden
Aliens vs. Predator Collection ( includes Aliens vs. Predator + Aliens vs Predator Swarm Map Pack + Aliens vs Predator: Bug Hunt Pack)
Aliens: Fireteam Elite
Amanda the Adventurer
AMID EVIL
Amnesia: The Bunker
Anuchard
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Arise: A Simple Story
Armello
Army Men RTS
Assault Suit Leynos
Astronarch
Autonauts vs Piratebots
Battlecruisers
Beacon Pines
Big Pharma
BIOMUTANT
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Black Paradox
Black Skylands
Blade Assault
Blood And Zombies
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Borderlands 3: Super Deluxe Edition
Boundless
BPM: Bullets Per Minute
Bravery and Greed
Brawlout
Castle on the Coast
Cats in Time
Caveblazers
Chicka Wars Chicken Meat (delisted)
Children of Silentown
CHIVALRY 2
Citizen Sleeper
CivCity: Rome
Click and Slay
CODE VEIN
Colt Canyon
Conan Chop Chop
Concept Destruction
Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
Cookie Cutter
Corridor Z
Cosmonautica
Crayon Physics Deluxe
CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
Cultist Simulator
Curse of the Dead Gods
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dark Deity
Dead Age
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Death Squared
Deceive Inc.
Depraved
Descenders
Desperados III
Destiny 2: Beyond Light DLC
Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter
Detached: Non-VR Edition
DEVOUR
Dicey Dungeons
Disciples: Liberation
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Dishonored Definitive Edition
Distant Worlds Universe
Doctor Strange Defenders Skin
Double Cross
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+)
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Due Process
Dungeons 2 - Complete Edition
Dusk
EDGE OF ETERNITY
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
El Hijo
Emily is Away <3
Encased
Endless Space 2
Epic Chef
ETERNAL THREADS
Exorder
Expeditions: Rome
Fashion Police Squad
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling to the Finish
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
FOREWARNED
Forged Battalion
Fortissimo FA INTL Ver
Founders' Fortune
Friends vs Friends
From Space
Full Metal Furies
Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
GameGuru Classic
Garfield Kart - Furious Racing
Generation Zero
Geometric Sniper
Ghost 1.0
Gloria Victis
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Going Under
Golf Gang
Good knight
GRID Ultimate Edition
GRIME
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Guts and Glory
Hack 'n' Slash bundle (including Hack 'n' Slash + Hack 'n' Slash Soundtrack + Spacebase GIFT)
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heart Fragment - Book Two: Belief Fragments (Shannon & Lana)
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+)
Hell Pie
Hellbound
HERO'S HOUR
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hokko Life
Hollow Knight
Honey, I Joined a Cult
Hot Brass
Hotshot Racing
How to Sing to Open Your Heart
HUMANKIND™ Definitive Edition
Hyper Gunsport
I’m not a Monster
ibb & obb (steam inventory gift)
Internet Cafe Simulator
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
Intravenous
Intruders: Hide and Seek
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Joggernauts
JURASSIC WORLD EVOLUTION 2
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Just Cause 4 Complete Edition
JYDGE
Katamari Damacy REROLL
Kerbal Space Program
Killsquad
Kraken Academy!!
Labirinto 2
Lacuna – A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure
Last Oasis
Late Shift
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Legion TD 2 - Multiplayer Tower Defense
Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
Let Them Come
Life is Strange 2 Complete Season (incl. Mascot Bundle DLC)
Little Misfortune
Little Orpheus
Loddlenaut
Lords and Villeins
Lost Planet 3 Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
MageQuit
Maid of Sker
Mainlining
Mediterranea Inferno
MEEPLE STATION
Meow Express
Merchant of the Skies
Metal: Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Fight Express
Midnight Ghost Hunt
Mini Metro
Mini motor Racing EVO (delisted)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Monster Sanctuary
Monster Train
Monster Train: The Last Divinity DLC
Moon Hunters
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Moving Out - Movers in Paradise DLC
Mr. Prepper
Murder by Numbers
My Friendly Neighborhood
My Time At Portia
Mythic Ocean
Nadir: A Grimdark Deckbuilder
Necromunda Hired Gun
NecroWorm
Neverinth
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl
Nobody Saves the World
Non-Stop Raiders
Northgard
Oaken
Obduction
Of Orcs And Men
Offworld Trading Company
OLLIOLLI WORLD - RAD EDITION
One Hand Clapping
Orbital Racer
Othercide
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Outward Definitive Edition
Outward The Soroboreans DLC + soundtrack (DLC only)
Override
Overture
Ozymandias
Paint the Town Red
Partial Control
Patch Quest
Pathfinder: Kingmaker Enhanced Plus Edition (NA only) + Royal Ascension DLC + The Wildcards DLC
Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
Pathfinders: Memories
Pathway
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Asperatrar
Pilgrims
Pill Baby
Pixplode
Planet TD
Port Royale 3 Gold
PowerBeatsVR
Prodeus
Project CARS (delisted)
Project Chemistry
Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
Project Winter
Propagation VR - Co-op
Propnight
Proteus
PULSAR: The Lost Colony
Pumped BMX +
Quadrata
Quantum Break
Radio Commander
Ragnarock
Railroad Corporation
rain world
Rebel Inc: Escalation
Re-Legion
Remnant: From the Ashes - Complete Edition
Remnants of Naezith
Resident Evil Revelations
Resident Evil Revelations 2
Reventure
Revita
RIOT - Civil Unrest
Road 96
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
ROGUE LORDS
Roguebook
RollerCoaster Tycoon 2: Triple Thrill Pack
RPG Maker VX
Rubber Bandits
RUINER
Rym 9000
Saints Row
Sakura Succubus, 18+
Sakura Succubus 2, 18+
Sakura Succubus 3, 18+
Sakura Succubus 4, 18+
Sakura Succubus 5, 18+
Sakura Succubus 6, 18+
Sakura Swim Club, 18+
Sam & Max: Devil's Playhouse
Scorn
SCP : Secret Files
Secret Neighbor: Hello Neighbor Multiplayer
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
Shadow Tactics: Aiko's Choice
Shady Part of Me
Shing!
Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Slinger VR
Smile For Me
Sniper Elite 3
Sniper Elite 4
Snowtopia
Sorcerer King: Rivals
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Souldiers
Soulstice
Spellcaster University
Spirit Hunter: Death Mark
Spirit of the Island
Stacking
Starbound
Starpoint Gemini Warlords
Steelrising
Stirring Abyss
Strider
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
SuchArt!
Sunlight
Super Chicken Catchers
Super Magbot
Super Star (delisted)
SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE
Surviving the Aftermath
Sword Legacy Omen
SYMMETRYro
Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
Tails Noir
Telefrag VR
TEMTEM
Terraformers
The Amazing American Circus
The Ascent
The Beast Inside
The Callisto Protocol
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan
The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope
The Deed II
The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos
The Excavation of Hob's Barrow
The Golf Club 2019 Featuring PGA TOUR
The Gunk
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Long Dark
The Outer Worlds: Spacer's Choice Edition
The Pale Beyond
The Quarry
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
The Witcher: Enhanced Edition (steam inventory gift)
The Witness
The Wolf Among Us
There Is No Light
Ticket to Ride
Tin Can
Titan Souls
TOEM
Tools Up!
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
Traffic Jams
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Trek to Yomi
Tribes of Midgard
Twilight Struggle
Twin Mirror
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Underland: The Climb
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
UnMetal
Vanishing Realms
Victoria 3
War for the Overworld
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Drenn Redblade
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Exceptional Card Pack
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Saga of the Great Awakening
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Wrath of the Damned
Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Realms of Ruin Ultimate Edition
WARSAW
We Happy Few Season Pass
We Were Here Too
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
White Noise 2
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus?
WRC 7
WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS
X-COM: Complete Pack (including X-COM: UFO Defense + X-COM: Apocalypse + X-COM: Enforcer + X-COM: Interceptor + X-COM: Terror from the Deep)
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Edition
XEL
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (including X-Morph: Defense + X-Morph: Defense - European Assault + X-Morph: Defense - Survival Of The Fittest + X-Morph: Defense - Last Bastion)
Yakuza 4 Remastered
Yakuza: Like a Dragon
Zoeti
Other platforms:
Command & Conquer Remastered Collection (ORIGINkey)
Liberated (GOG key)
STAR WARS: Squadrons (Origin)
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
#########################################################
My Wishlist: (prefer gift links for bolded games)
Field of Glory II: Medieval
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Reconquista
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Rise of the Swiss
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Storm of Arrows
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Sublime Porte
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Swords and Scimitars
Field of Glory: Empires - Persia 550 - 330 BCE DLC
A Hat in Time
ACE COMBAT ASSAULT HORIZON Enhanced Edition
American Truck Simulator
Apotheon
Ash of Gods: The Way
Astebreed: Definitive Edition
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
Automobilista 2
Barotrauma
Book of Hours
Bosorka
Cardboard Town
Cathedral
Chambers of Devious Design
CLANNAD
clash: Artifacts of chaos
Cosmo's Quickstop
Crusader kings 3
DARK SOULS*
DARK SOULS II
DARK SOULS III*
Dead by Daylight
Dead Estate
Deep Rock Galactic
Demonologist
DIABLO 4 PC
DIRT 5
Doctor Who: The Adventure Games
Double Dragon Gaiden: Rise of the Dragons
Euro Truck Simulator 2
F1 2018
F1 2020, 2019, 2017, 2016, 2012, 2011
Fable Anniversary
Fly Punch Boom!
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series
Gears 5
Ghost Song
Gotham Knights
Guardians of Holme
Hell let loose
Hi-Fi RUSH
HUMANKIND
HyperParasite
Life Is Strange Complete Season
LOOT RIVER*
Maniac
monster hunter rise
monster hunter world
NBA 2k16, 2k17
Nioh 2 COMPLETE
Nobody Saves the World
Nuclear Blaze
One Hand Clapping
Pan'orama
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy
Pistol Whip
Poker night
poker night 2
quantum break
Resident Evil Village*
rFactor 2
Rivals of Aether
River City Girls 2
River City Girls Zero
Rocket League
Roguelands
satisfactory
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
slay the spire
Songbird Symphony
Spiderman remaster
Spyro Reignited Trilogy
Stardew Valley
stray blade
The Knight Witch
The Last Remnant
Tiny tina's wonderlands chaotic great edition
Untamed Tactics
Victoria 3
VTOL VR
Wings of Glory
Witchtastic
Wizard of Legend
World Turtles
WWE 2K16, 2K17, 2K18, 2K19, 2K20, 2k23
Yakuza kiwami 2
ZERO Sievert
other humble choice title games
#########################################################
Note: for some games from humble I might ask for gift links. There is a rumor 3 years ago that humble bans users due to making gift links only. I make gift links every week, never have any issues. I have no idea why humble would ever ban its customers for using a feature it provides to its custimers.
Here is a guide how to make gift links from support.Humblebundle.com: https://support.humblebundle.com/hc/en-us/articles/202712460-Purchasing-and-Sending-Gifts
I do not believe humble teaches you how to make gift links, so it can ban you, lol
2024.06.07 20:47 Jerry_217 [H] Many games updated 6-5 [W] US amazon digital gift card, tf2 keys, Field of Glory II: Medieval + DLCs, asterigos, Maniac, Ash of Gods, Cardboard Town, Resident Evil Village, Bosorka, Loot River, River City Girls 2, Ghost Song, Double Dragon, Book of Hours, Dead Estate, Songbird Symphony, wishlist
Region is NA.
If you have my wishlist games, Chat with me anytime. Only accept games from your own collection.
My REPs: 200+ successful trades, stopped tracking after 202.
Wishlist is in the end of this post
My steam games for trade (Can make gift links if possible):
Added recently:
Miasma ChroniclesRisk of Rain 2
Empyrion - Galactic Survival
Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector
Littlewood
One Hand Clapping
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition
Mad Max
MORTAL KOMBAT XL
Mortal Kombat 11: Ultimate
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
Gotham Knights
Back 4 Blood
Batman™: Arkham Knight Premium Edition
Batman™: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham City GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham Origins
.hack//G.U. Last Recode
GOD EATER 3
PAC-MAN MUSEUM+
TEKKEN 7
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Super Star (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Steam games:
9 Years of ShadowsA Juggler's Tale
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ABZU
Aces and Adventures
Ad Infinitum
Afterimage
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Alchemy Garden
Aliens vs. Predator Collection ( includes Aliens vs. Predator + Aliens vs Predator Swarm Map Pack + Aliens vs Predator: Bug Hunt Pack)
Aliens: Fireteam Elite
Amanda the Adventurer
AMID EVIL
Amnesia: The Bunker
Anuchard
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Arise: A Simple Story
Armello
Army Men RTS
Assault Suit Leynos
Astronarch
Autonauts vs Piratebots
Battlecruisers
Beacon Pines
Big Pharma
BIOMUTANT
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Black Paradox
Black Skylands
Blade Assault
Blood And Zombies
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Borderlands 3: Super Deluxe Edition
Boundless
BPM: Bullets Per Minute
Bravery and Greed
Brawlout
Castle on the Coast
Cats in Time
Caveblazers
Chicka Wars Chicken Meat (delisted)
Children of Silentown
CHIVALRY 2
Citizen Sleeper
CivCity: Rome
Click and Slay
CODE VEIN
Colt Canyon
Conan Chop Chop
Concept Destruction
Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
Cookie Cutter
Corridor Z
Cosmonautica
Crayon Physics Deluxe
CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
Cultist Simulator
Curse of the Dead Gods
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dark Deity
Dead Age
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Death Squared
Deceive Inc.
Depraved
Descenders
Desperados III
Destiny 2: Beyond Light DLC
Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter
Detached: Non-VR Edition
DEVOUR
Dicey Dungeons
Disciples: Liberation
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Dishonored Definitive Edition
Distant Worlds Universe
Doctor Strange Defenders Skin
Double Cross
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+)
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Due Process
Dungeons 2 - Complete Edition
Dusk
EDGE OF ETERNITY
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
El Hijo
Emily is Away <3
Encased
Endless Space 2
Epic Chef
ETERNAL THREADS
Exorder
Expeditions: Rome
Fashion Police Squad
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling to the Finish
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
FOREWARNED
Forged Battalion
Fortissimo FA INTL Ver
Founders' Fortune
Friends vs Friends
From Space
Full Metal Furies
Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
GameGuru Classic
Garfield Kart - Furious Racing
Generation Zero
Geometric Sniper
Ghost 1.0
Gloria Victis
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Going Under
Golf Gang
Good knight
GRID Ultimate Edition
GRIME
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Guts and Glory
Hack 'n' Slash bundle (including Hack 'n' Slash + Hack 'n' Slash Soundtrack + Spacebase GIFT)
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heart Fragment - Book Two: Belief Fragments (Shannon & Lana)
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+)
Hell Pie
Hellbound
HERO'S HOUR
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hokko Life
Hollow Knight
Honey, I Joined a Cult
Hot Brass
Hotshot Racing
How to Sing to Open Your Heart
HUMANKIND™ Definitive Edition
Hyper Gunsport
I’m not a Monster
ibb & obb (steam inventory gift)
Internet Cafe Simulator
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
Intravenous
Intruders: Hide and Seek
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Joggernauts
JURASSIC WORLD EVOLUTION 2
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Just Cause 4 Complete Edition
JYDGE
Katamari Damacy REROLL
Kerbal Space Program
Killsquad
Kraken Academy!!
Labirinto 2
Lacuna – A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure
Last Oasis
Late Shift
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Legion TD 2 - Multiplayer Tower Defense
Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
Let Them Come
Life is Strange 2 Complete Season (incl. Mascot Bundle DLC)
Little Misfortune
Little Orpheus
Loddlenaut
Lords and Villeins
Lost Planet 3 Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
MageQuit
Maid of Sker
Mainlining
Mediterranea Inferno
MEEPLE STATION
Meow Express
Merchant of the Skies
Metal: Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Fight Express
Midnight Ghost Hunt
Mini Metro
Mini motor Racing EVO (delisted)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Monster Sanctuary
Monster Train
Monster Train: The Last Divinity DLC
Moon Hunters
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Moving Out - Movers in Paradise DLC
Mr. Prepper
Murder by Numbers
My Friendly Neighborhood
My Time At Portia
Mythic Ocean
Nadir: A Grimdark Deckbuilder
Necromunda Hired Gun
NecroWorm
Neverinth
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl
Nobody Saves the World
Non-Stop Raiders
Northgard
Oaken
Obduction
Of Orcs And Men
Offworld Trading Company
OLLIOLLI WORLD - RAD EDITION
One Hand Clapping
Orbital Racer
Othercide
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Outward Definitive Edition
Outward The Soroboreans DLC + soundtrack (DLC only)
Override
Overture
Ozymandias
Paint the Town Red
Partial Control
Patch Quest
Pathfinder: Kingmaker Enhanced Plus Edition (NA only) + Royal Ascension DLC + The Wildcards DLC
Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
Pathfinders: Memories
Pathway
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Asperatrar
Pilgrims
Pill Baby
Pixplode
Planet TD
Port Royale 3 Gold
PowerBeatsVR
Prodeus
Project CARS (delisted)
Project Chemistry
Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
Project Winter
Propagation VR - Co-op
Propnight
Proteus
PULSAR: The Lost Colony
Pumped BMX +
Quadrata
Quantum Break
Radio Commander
Ragnarock
Railroad Corporation
rain world
Rebel Inc: Escalation
Re-Legion
Remnant: From the Ashes - Complete Edition
Remnants of Naezith
Resident Evil Revelations
Resident Evil Revelations 2
Reventure
Revita
RIOT - Civil Unrest
Road 96
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
ROGUE LORDS
Roguebook
RollerCoaster Tycoon 2: Triple Thrill Pack
RPG Maker VX
Rubber Bandits
RUINER
Rym 9000
Saints Row
Sakura Succubus, 18+
Sakura Succubus 2, 18+
Sakura Succubus 3, 18+
Sakura Succubus 4, 18+
Sakura Succubus 5, 18+
Sakura Succubus 6, 18+
Sakura Swim Club, 18+
Sam & Max: Devil's Playhouse
Scorn
SCP : Secret Files
Secret Neighbor: Hello Neighbor Multiplayer
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
Shadow Tactics: Aiko's Choice
Shady Part of Me
Shing!
Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Slinger VR
Smile For Me
Sniper Elite 3
Sniper Elite 4
Snowtopia
Sorcerer King: Rivals
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Souldiers
Soulstice
Spellcaster University
Spirit Hunter: Death Mark
Spirit of the Island
Stacking
Starbound
Starpoint Gemini Warlords
Steelrising
Stirring Abyss
Strider
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
SuchArt!
Sunlight
Super Chicken Catchers
Super Magbot
Super Star (delisted)
SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE
Surviving the Aftermath
Sword Legacy Omen
SYMMETRYro
Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
Tails Noir
Telefrag VR
TEMTEM
Terraformers
The Amazing American Circus
The Ascent
The Beast Inside
The Callisto Protocol
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan
The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope
The Deed II
The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos
The Excavation of Hob's Barrow
The Golf Club 2019 Featuring PGA TOUR
The Gunk
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Long Dark
The Outer Worlds: Spacer's Choice Edition
The Pale Beyond
The Quarry
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
The Witcher: Enhanced Edition (steam inventory gift)
The Witness
The Wolf Among Us
There Is No Light
Ticket to Ride
Tin Can
Titan Souls
TOEM
Tools Up!
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
Traffic Jams
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Trek to Yomi
Tribes of Midgard
Twilight Struggle
Twin Mirror
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Underland: The Climb
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
UnMetal
Vanishing Realms
Victoria 3
War for the Overworld
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Drenn Redblade
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Exceptional Card Pack
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Saga of the Great Awakening
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Wrath of the Damned
Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Realms of Ruin Ultimate Edition
WARSAW
We Happy Few Season Pass
We Were Here Too
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
White Noise 2
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus?
WRC 7
WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS
X-COM: Complete Pack (including X-COM: UFO Defense + X-COM: Apocalypse + X-COM: Enforcer + X-COM: Interceptor + X-COM: Terror from the Deep)
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Edition
XEL
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (including X-Morph: Defense + X-Morph: Defense - European Assault + X-Morph: Defense - Survival Of The Fittest + X-Morph: Defense - Last Bastion)
Yakuza 4 Remastered
Yakuza: Like a Dragon
Zoeti
Other platforms:
Command & Conquer Remastered Collection (ORIGINkey)
Liberated (GOG key)
STAR WARS: Squadrons (Origin)
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
#########################################################
My Wishlist: (prefer gift links for bolded games)
Field of Glory II: Medieval
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Reconquista
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Rise of the Swiss
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Storm of Arrows
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Sublime Porte
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Swords and Scimitars
Field of Glory: Empires - Persia 550 - 330 BCE DLC
A Hat in Time
ACE COMBAT ASSAULT HORIZON Enhanced Edition
American Truck Simulator
Apotheon
Ash of Gods: The Way
Astebreed: Definitive Edition
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
Automobilista 2
Barotrauma
Book of Hours
Bosorka
Cardboard Town
Cathedral
Chambers of Devious Design
CLANNAD
clash: Artifacts of chaos
Cosmo's Quickstop
Crusader kings 3
DARK SOULS*
DARK SOULS II
DARK SOULS III*
Dead by Daylight
Dead Estate
Deep Rock Galactic
Demonologist
DIABLO 4 PC
DIRT 5
Doctor Who: The Adventure Games
Double Dragon Gaiden: Rise of the Dragons
Euro Truck Simulator 2
F1 2018
F1 2020, 2019, 2017, 2016, 2012, 2011
Fable Anniversary
Fly Punch Boom!
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series
Gears 5
Ghost Song
Gotham Knights
Guardians of Holme
Hell let loose
Hi-Fi RUSH
HUMANKIND
HyperParasite
Life Is Strange Complete Season
LOOT RIVER*
Maniac
monster hunter rise
monster hunter world
NBA 2k16, 2k17
Nioh 2 COMPLETE
Nobody Saves the World
Nuclear Blaze
One Hand Clapping
Pan'orama
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy
Pistol Whip
Poker night
poker night 2
quantum break
Resident Evil Village*
rFactor 2
Rivals of Aether
River City Girls 2
River City Girls Zero
Rocket League
Roguelands
satisfactory
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
slay the spire
Songbird Symphony
Spiderman remaster
Spyro Reignited Trilogy
Stardew Valley
stray blade
The Knight Witch
The Last Remnant
Tiny tina's wonderlands chaotic great edition
Untamed Tactics
Victoria 3
VTOL VR
Wings of Glory
Witchtastic
Wizard of Legend
World Turtles
WWE 2K16, 2K17, 2K18, 2K19, 2K20, 2k23
Yakuza kiwami 2
ZERO Sievert
other humble choice title games
#########################################################
Note: for some games from humble I might ask for gift links. There is a rumor 3 years ago that humble bans users due to making gift links only. I make gift links every week, never have any issues. I have no idea why humble would ever ban its customers for using a feature it provides to its custimers.
Here is a guide how to make gift links from support.Humblebundle.com: https://support.humblebundle.com/hc/en-us/articles/202712460-Purchasing-and-Sending-Gifts
I do not believe humble teaches you how to make gift links, so it can ban you, lol
2024.06.07 20:47 Jerry_217 [H] Many games updated 6-5 [W] US amazon digital gift card, tf2 keys, Field of Glory II: Medieval + DLCs, asterigos, Maniac, Ash of Gods, Cardboard Town, Resident Evil Village, Bosorka, Loot River, River City Girls 2, Ghost Song, Double Dragon, Book of Hours, Dead Estate, Songbird Symphony, wishlist
Region is NA.
If you have my wishlist games, Chat with me anytime. Only accept games from your own collection.
My REPs: 200+ successful trades, stopped tracking after 202.
Wishlist is in the end of this post
My steam games for trade (Can make gift links if possible):
Added recently:
Miasma ChroniclesRisk of Rain 2
Empyrion - Galactic Survival
Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector
Littlewood
One Hand Clapping
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition
Mad Max
MORTAL KOMBAT XL
Mortal Kombat 11: Ultimate
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
Gotham Knights
Back 4 Blood
Batman™: Arkham Knight Premium Edition
Batman™: Arkham Asylum GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham City GOTY Edition
Batman™: Arkham Origins
.hack//G.U. Last Recode
GOD EATER 3
PAC-MAN MUSEUM+
TEKKEN 7
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Super Star (delisted, 18+, PM for price)
Steam games:
9 Years of ShadowsA Juggler's Tale
A Plague Tale: Innocence
ABZU
Aces and Adventures
Ad Infinitum
Afterimage
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Alchemy Garden
Aliens vs. Predator Collection ( includes Aliens vs. Predator + Aliens vs Predator Swarm Map Pack + Aliens vs Predator: Bug Hunt Pack)
Aliens: Fireteam Elite
Amanda the Adventurer
AMID EVIL
Amnesia: The Bunker
Anuchard
Aragami 2
Arcade Paradise
Arise: A Simple Story
Armello
Army Men RTS
Assault Suit Leynos
Astronarch
Autonauts vs Piratebots
Battlecruisers
Beacon Pines
Big Pharma
BIOMUTANT
Bionic Commando Rearmed
Black Paradox
Black Skylands
Blade Assault
Blood And Zombies
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Borderlands 3: Super Deluxe Edition
Boundless
BPM: Bullets Per Minute
Bravery and Greed
Brawlout
Castle on the Coast
Cats in Time
Caveblazers
Chicka Wars Chicken Meat (delisted)
Children of Silentown
CHIVALRY 2
Citizen Sleeper
CivCity: Rome
Click and Slay
CODE VEIN
Colt Canyon
Conan Chop Chop
Concept Destruction
Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
Cookie Cutter
Corridor Z
Cosmonautica
Crayon Physics Deluxe
CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
Cultist Simulator
Curse of the Dead Gods
Dagon - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dark Deity
Dead Age
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Death Squared
Deceive Inc.
Depraved
Descenders
Desperados III
Destiny 2: Beyond Light DLC
Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed
Destroyer: The U-Boat Hunter
Detached: Non-VR Edition
DEVOUR
Dicey Dungeons
Disciples: Liberation
Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
Dishonored Definitive Edition
Distant Worlds Universe
Doctor Strange Defenders Skin
Double Cross
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Dragon Knight (delisted, 18+)
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Due Process
Dungeons 2 - Complete Edition
Dusk
EDGE OF ETERNITY
Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
El Hijo
Emily is Away <3
Encased
Endless Space 2
Epic Chef
ETERNAL THREADS
Exorder
Expeditions: Rome
Fashion Police Squad
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue
First Class Trouble
Five Dates
Fling to the Finish
Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
Foretales
FOREWARNED
Forged Battalion
Fortissimo FA INTL Ver
Founders' Fortune
Friends vs Friends
From Space
Full Metal Furies
Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
GameGuru Classic
Garfield Kart - Furious Racing
Generation Zero
Geometric Sniper
Ghost 1.0
Gloria Victis
Go Home Dinosaurs!
Going Under
Golf Gang
Good knight
GRID Ultimate Edition
GRIME
Grow: Song of the Evertree
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Guts and Glory
Hack 'n' Slash bundle (including Hack 'n' Slash + Hack 'n' Slash Soundtrack + Spacebase GIFT)
Hardspace: Shipbreaker
Heart Fragment - Book Two: Belief Fragments (Shannon & Lana)
Hedon Bloodrite
Hell Girls (delisted, 18+)
Hell Pie
Hellbound
HERO'S HOUR
Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
Hokko Life
Hollow Knight
Honey, I Joined a Cult
Hot Brass
Hotshot Racing
How to Sing to Open Your Heart
HUMANKIND™ Definitive Edition
Hyper Gunsport
I’m not a Monster
ibb & obb (steam inventory gift)
Internet Cafe Simulator
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
Intravenous
Intruders: Hide and Seek
Iron Danger
Iron Harvest
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Joggernauts
JURASSIC WORLD EVOLUTION 2
Just Cause 3 XXL Edition
Just Cause 4 Complete Edition
JYDGE
Katamari Damacy REROLL
Kerbal Space Program
Killsquad
Kraken Academy!!
Labirinto 2
Lacuna – A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure
Last Oasis
Late Shift
Lawn Mowing Simulator
Legend of Keepers
Legion TD 2 - Multiplayer Tower Defense
Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
Let Them Come
Life is Strange 2 Complete Season (incl. Mascot Bundle DLC)
Little Misfortune
Little Orpheus
Loddlenaut
Lords and Villeins
Lost Planet 3 Complete Pack
Lost Ruins
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
MageQuit
Maid of Sker
Mainlining
Mediterranea Inferno
MEEPLE STATION
Meow Express
Merchant of the Skies
Metal: Hellsinger
Metro Exodus
Midnight Fight Express
Midnight Ghost Hunt
Mini Metro
Mini motor Racing EVO (delisted)
MirrorMoon EP
Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp
Monster Sanctuary
Monster Train
Monster Train: The Last Divinity DLC
Moon Hunters
Moonlighter
Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
Moving Out - Movers in Paradise DLC
Mr. Prepper
Murder by Numbers
My Friendly Neighborhood
My Time At Portia
Mythic Ocean
Nadir: A Grimdark Deckbuilder
Necromunda Hired Gun
NecroWorm
Neverinth
Neverout
Nickelodeon All Star Brawl
Nobody Saves the World
Non-Stop Raiders
Northgard
Oaken
Obduction
Of Orcs And Men
Offworld Trading Company
OLLIOLLI WORLD - RAD EDITION
One Hand Clapping
Orbital Racer
Othercide
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Outward Definitive Edition
Outward The Soroboreans DLC + soundtrack (DLC only)
Override
Overture
Ozymandias
Paint the Town Red
Partial Control
Patch Quest
Pathfinder: Kingmaker Enhanced Plus Edition (NA only) + Royal Ascension DLC + The Wildcards DLC
Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
Pathfinders: Memories
Pathway
Peaky Blinders: Mastermind
Per Asperatrar
Pilgrims
Pill Baby
Pixplode
Planet TD
Port Royale 3 Gold
PowerBeatsVR
Prodeus
Project CARS (delisted)
Project Chemistry
Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
Project Winter
Propagation VR - Co-op
Propnight
Proteus
PULSAR: The Lost Colony
Pumped BMX +
Quadrata
Quantum Break
Radio Commander
Ragnarock
Railroad Corporation
rain world
Rebel Inc: Escalation
Re-Legion
Remnant: From the Ashes - Complete Edition
Remnants of Naezith
Resident Evil Revelations
Resident Evil Revelations 2
Reventure
Revita
RIOT - Civil Unrest
Road 96
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
ROGUE LORDS
Roguebook
RollerCoaster Tycoon 2: Triple Thrill Pack
RPG Maker VX
Rubber Bandits
RUINER
Rym 9000
Saints Row
Sakura Succubus, 18+
Sakura Succubus 2, 18+
Sakura Succubus 3, 18+
Sakura Succubus 4, 18+
Sakura Succubus 5, 18+
Sakura Succubus 6, 18+
Sakura Swim Club, 18+
Sam & Max: Devil's Playhouse
Scorn
SCP : Secret Files
Secret Neighbor: Hello Neighbor Multiplayer
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
Shadow Tactics: Aiko's Choice
Shady Part of Me
Shing!
Shotgun King: The Final Checkmate
Sid Meier's Railroads!
Siege Survival: Gloria Victis
Skullgirls 2nd Encore
Slinger VR
Smile For Me
Sniper Elite 3
Sniper Elite 4
Snowtopia
Sorcerer King: Rivals
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Souldiers
Soulstice
Spellcaster University
Spirit Hunter: Death Mark
Spirit of the Island
Stacking
Starbound
Starpoint Gemini Warlords
Steelrising
Stirring Abyss
Strider
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
SuchArt!
Sunlight
Super Chicken Catchers
Super Magbot
Super Star (delisted)
SUPERHOT: MIND CONTROL DELETE
Surviving the Aftermath
Sword Legacy Omen
SYMMETRYro
Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
Tails Noir
Telefrag VR
TEMTEM
Terraformers
The Amazing American Circus
The Ascent
The Beast Inside
The Callisto Protocol
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Man of Medan
The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope
The Deed II
The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos
The Excavation of Hob's Barrow
The Golf Club 2019 Featuring PGA TOUR
The Gunk
The Legend of Tianding
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante
The Long Dark
The Outer Worlds: Spacer's Choice Edition
The Pale Beyond
The Quarry
The Red Lantern
The Serpent Rogue
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
The Witcher: Enhanced Edition (steam inventory gift)
The Witness
The Wolf Among Us
There Is No Light
Ticket to Ride
Tin Can
Titan Souls
TOEM
Tools Up!
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
Traffic Jams
Train Station Renovation
Treasure Hunter Simulator
Trek to Yomi
Tribes of Midgard
Twilight Struggle
Twin Mirror
Two Point Campus
Ultimate Chicken Horse
Underland: The Climb
Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
UnMetal
Vanishing Realms
Victoria 3
War for the Overworld
Warhammer 40,000: Chaos Gate - Daemonhunters
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Drenn Redblade
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Exceptional Card Pack
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Saga of the Great Awakening
Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf DLC - Wrath of the Damned
Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Realms of Ruin Ultimate Edition
WARSAW
We Happy Few Season Pass
We Were Here Too
Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
White Noise 2
Who Pressed Mute on Uncle Marcus?
WRC 7
WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS
X-COM: Complete Pack (including X-COM: UFO Defense + X-COM: Apocalypse + X-COM: Enforcer + X-COM: Interceptor + X-COM: Terror from the Deep)
XCOM: Enemy Unknown Complete Edition
XEL
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack (including X-Morph: Defense + X-Morph: Defense - European Assault + X-Morph: Defense - Survival Of The Fittest + X-Morph: Defense - Last Bastion)
Yakuza 4 Remastered
Yakuza: Like a Dragon
Zoeti
Other platforms:
Command & Conquer Remastered Collection (ORIGINkey)
Liberated (GOG key)
STAR WARS: Squadrons (Origin)
Wanderlust Travel Stories (GOG key)
#########################################################
My Wishlist: (prefer gift links for bolded games)
Field of Glory II: Medieval
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Reconquista
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Rise of the Swiss
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Storm of Arrows
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Sublime Porte
Field of Glory II: Medieval - Swords and Scimitars
Field of Glory: Empires - Persia 550 - 330 BCE DLC
A Hat in Time
ACE COMBAT ASSAULT HORIZON Enhanced Edition
American Truck Simulator
Apotheon
Ash of Gods: The Way
Astebreed: Definitive Edition
Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles
Automobilista 2
Barotrauma
Book of Hours
Bosorka
Cardboard Town
Cathedral
Chambers of Devious Design
CLANNAD
clash: Artifacts of chaos
Cosmo's Quickstop
Crusader kings 3
DARK SOULS*
DARK SOULS II
DARK SOULS III*
Dead by Daylight
Dead Estate
Deep Rock Galactic
Demonologist
DIABLO 4 PC
DIRT 5
Doctor Who: The Adventure Games
Double Dragon Gaiden: Rise of the Dragons
Euro Truck Simulator 2
F1 2018
F1 2020, 2019, 2017, 2016, 2012, 2011
Fable Anniversary
Fly Punch Boom!
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series
Gears 5
Ghost Song
Gotham Knights
Guardians of Holme
Hell let loose
Hi-Fi RUSH
HUMANKIND
HyperParasite
Life Is Strange Complete Season
LOOT RIVER*
Maniac
monster hunter rise
monster hunter world
NBA 2k16, 2k17
Nioh 2 COMPLETE
Nobody Saves the World
Nuclear Blaze
One Hand Clapping
Pan'orama
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy
Pistol Whip
Poker night
poker night 2
quantum break
Resident Evil Village*
rFactor 2
Rivals of Aether
River City Girls 2
River City Girls Zero
Rocket League
Roguelands
satisfactory
Shadow of the Tomb Raider
slay the spire
Songbird Symphony
Spiderman remaster
Spyro Reignited Trilogy
Stardew Valley
stray blade
The Knight Witch
The Last Remnant
Tiny tina's wonderlands chaotic great edition
Untamed Tactics
Victoria 3
VTOL VR
Wings of Glory
Witchtastic
Wizard of Legend
World Turtles
WWE 2K16, 2K17, 2K18, 2K19, 2K20, 2k23
Yakuza kiwami 2
ZERO Sievert
other humble choice title games
#########################################################
Note: for some games from humble I might ask for gift links. There is a rumor 3 years ago that humble bans users due to making gift links only. I make gift links every week, never have any issues. I have no idea why humble would ever ban its customers for using a feature it provides to its custimers.
Here is a guide how to make gift links from support.Humblebundle.com: https://support.humblebundle.com/hc/en-us/articles/202712460-Purchasing-and-Sending-Gifts
I do not believe humble teaches you how to make gift links, so it can ban you, lol
2024.06.07 20:46 __homiesexual__ Family's not always a lost cause [Very Long Post]
I often read posts and comments on here from guys who's families are still being transphobic, misgendering them, deadnaming them, etc. And there's the belief that things will always be like this. For some families that's true. Some people only have conditional love and you either have to put up with it or cut them off. However, some people can and do change for better. I'd like to hear your stories, are they similar to mine? Did it take your family more time to adjust? This post does have some heavier stuff in it, just a heads up. TL;DR at the bottom.
I (19yo, almost 20) grew up in two very conservative and prejudice households. My parents were divorced, but their political and personal beliefs were very similar. This included being extremely homophobic and transphobic. At around 14 I came out as lesbian and my mother was immediately upset. My father was mostly homophobic towards gay men, so while he was awkward about it, he wasn't necessarily upset. By 15 I already knew I was trans, but kept it to myself. I can look back now and see signs of dysphoria from a very young age. At 16 I moved in with my father full-time and cut contact with my mother. By 17 I finally came out as a man to my father. Unlike the first time I came out, he wasn't too happy. At first he was confused and just thought I wanted to be masculine, like a butch. But when he found out I wanted to start testosterone he became livid, comparing it to heroin. He and my grandmother (his mother) were sending each other anti-trans propaganda and she even bought him the book "Irreversible Damage". He would on rants, only calling me by my chosen name and pronouns when mocking me. While I forgave him, the things he said to me still sting when I think about them. It hurt more than my mother being homophobic because I was a lot closer to him. He's always had my back and has always been supportive. Seeing him turn on me like that gave me emotional whiplash. This, on top of my dysphoria, almost pushed me to suicide on more than one occasion. I tried sharing this with him and he accused me of trying to manipulate him. He even put me in therapy to "fix" me.
By 18 he chilled out a little, but was still an ass. I guess being angry 24/7 tires you out. By this point I was already preparing to cut him out of my life as soon as I finished school. I didn't want to lose him, but I also didn't want to live like that anymore. Told him as much. I decided to get a part-time job so I could pay for Plume and start testosterone. His attitude started to shift slightly. I think he realized I was serious about this and it wasn't something that would go away. He went back and forth between being supportive and being transphobic. I think he was deeply conflicted and confused. He started getting pissy that I was spending a hundred bucks a month for shit my insurance would cover so he found a clinic that prescribed HRT. The biggest switch happened shortly after my top surgery. I was still 18, but nearing 19. A mix between time on T, weight loss, and top surgery helped me pass a lot better. And I think me finally starting to look and sound like a man helped him a lot. I know a trans man deserves respect whether he passes or not, but when you grew up as conservative as he did it's hard to picture a man anything other than a cis-passing guy. Another thing that helped him was viewing my transition through a medical lense. The change in his behavior was both sudden and gradual, I don't know how to word it. He confronted my grandmother, started correcting people with my name and gender, he went from calling me "daughter" to "kid" to "son", and so on. My grandmother came around too, but I think that was moreso because he confronted her. Our relationship was starting to heal.
Now I'm almost 20 and I feel like our relationship has fully healed. I forgive him completely and I've moved on. Water off a duck's back. I would consider him extremely supportive now. A recent development was getting getting masculine compliments from him. Comments about my muscle gains, facial and body hair, voice, etc. When I graduated my high school gave everyone a paper that had all their school photos (K-12). My dad and I got drunk and had a heart-to-heart, rare for him. He admitted he was worried about me being a freak in the eyes of society and he didn't want that life for me. The only trans people he knew growing up were outcasts and seen as "transvestites". He looked at those school photos and said he was amazed how much stockier and masculine I've gotten and that I look just like him when he was younger. He cried a bit and even apologized. It was the first apology I've gotten from him. In less than three years he went from raging transphobe to one of my biggest supporters and I'm happy I stuck around to see it. I understand that some folks in my position could not forgive him, but forgiveness is a personal choice and I choose not to hold a grudge over something that I've moved on from.
TL;DR: My conservative father was extremely transphobic when I first came out at 17. As I transitioned he slowly came around. Now at almost 20 he's my biggest supporter and our relationship is fully healed. I want to hear your stories.
submitted by __homiesexual__ to FTMMen [link] [comments]
I (19yo, almost 20) grew up in two very conservative and prejudice households. My parents were divorced, but their political and personal beliefs were very similar. This included being extremely homophobic and transphobic. At around 14 I came out as lesbian and my mother was immediately upset. My father was mostly homophobic towards gay men, so while he was awkward about it, he wasn't necessarily upset. By 15 I already knew I was trans, but kept it to myself. I can look back now and see signs of dysphoria from a very young age. At 16 I moved in with my father full-time and cut contact with my mother. By 17 I finally came out as a man to my father. Unlike the first time I came out, he wasn't too happy. At first he was confused and just thought I wanted to be masculine, like a butch. But when he found out I wanted to start testosterone he became livid, comparing it to heroin. He and my grandmother (his mother) were sending each other anti-trans propaganda and she even bought him the book "Irreversible Damage". He would on rants, only calling me by my chosen name and pronouns when mocking me. While I forgave him, the things he said to me still sting when I think about them. It hurt more than my mother being homophobic because I was a lot closer to him. He's always had my back and has always been supportive. Seeing him turn on me like that gave me emotional whiplash. This, on top of my dysphoria, almost pushed me to suicide on more than one occasion. I tried sharing this with him and he accused me of trying to manipulate him. He even put me in therapy to "fix" me.
By 18 he chilled out a little, but was still an ass. I guess being angry 24/7 tires you out. By this point I was already preparing to cut him out of my life as soon as I finished school. I didn't want to lose him, but I also didn't want to live like that anymore. Told him as much. I decided to get a part-time job so I could pay for Plume and start testosterone. His attitude started to shift slightly. I think he realized I was serious about this and it wasn't something that would go away. He went back and forth between being supportive and being transphobic. I think he was deeply conflicted and confused. He started getting pissy that I was spending a hundred bucks a month for shit my insurance would cover so he found a clinic that prescribed HRT. The biggest switch happened shortly after my top surgery. I was still 18, but nearing 19. A mix between time on T, weight loss, and top surgery helped me pass a lot better. And I think me finally starting to look and sound like a man helped him a lot. I know a trans man deserves respect whether he passes or not, but when you grew up as conservative as he did it's hard to picture a man anything other than a cis-passing guy. Another thing that helped him was viewing my transition through a medical lense. The change in his behavior was both sudden and gradual, I don't know how to word it. He confronted my grandmother, started correcting people with my name and gender, he went from calling me "daughter" to "kid" to "son", and so on. My grandmother came around too, but I think that was moreso because he confronted her. Our relationship was starting to heal.
Now I'm almost 20 and I feel like our relationship has fully healed. I forgive him completely and I've moved on. Water off a duck's back. I would consider him extremely supportive now. A recent development was getting getting masculine compliments from him. Comments about my muscle gains, facial and body hair, voice, etc. When I graduated my high school gave everyone a paper that had all their school photos (K-12). My dad and I got drunk and had a heart-to-heart, rare for him. He admitted he was worried about me being a freak in the eyes of society and he didn't want that life for me. The only trans people he knew growing up were outcasts and seen as "transvestites". He looked at those school photos and said he was amazed how much stockier and masculine I've gotten and that I look just like him when he was younger. He cried a bit and even apologized. It was the first apology I've gotten from him. In less than three years he went from raging transphobe to one of my biggest supporters and I'm happy I stuck around to see it. I understand that some folks in my position could not forgive him, but forgiveness is a personal choice and I choose not to hold a grudge over something that I've moved on from.
TL;DR: My conservative father was extremely transphobic when I first came out at 17. As I transitioned he slowly came around. Now at almost 20 he's my biggest supporter and our relationship is fully healed. I want to hear your stories.
2024.06.07 20:42 DinoZavr Reminder: ESO+ free trial: instant freebies (June 07 - June 19, 2024)
Quick Note: added Necrom Section. also note this time it is 12 days, not usual 7 :)
Activation: ingame Crown Store -> ESO Plus tab → click “Free Trial!”.
INSTANT or QUICK Freebies:
Dungeons DLC: - Shadow of the Hist: Heroic personality -- Enter either the Ruins of Mazzatun or the Cradle of Shadows (Shadowfen) - Horns of the Reach: Bullhorns emote -- Enter either Falkreath Hold or Bloodroot Forge (Craglorn) - Dragon Bones: hat: Renegade Dragon Priest Mask -- Enter either Fang Lair or Scalecaller Peak (Bangkorai/Stormhaven) - Wolfhunter: Werewolf Hunter Hat -- Enter either Moon Hunter Keep or March of Sacrifices (Reaper’s March/Greenshade) - Wrathstone: hat: Ayleid Royal Crown -- Enter either Frostvault or Depths of Malatar (Eastmarch/Gold Coast) - Scalebreaker: outfit style: Dread-Aurelian Mask -- Enter either Lair of Maarselok or Moongrave Fane (Grathwood /Northern Elsweyr) - Harrowstorm: Emote: Wickerman Mishap -- Enter either Unhallowed Grave or Icereach (Bangkorai/Wrothgar) - StoneThorn: Pet: Energetic Dwarven Shock-Spider -- Enter either Castle Thorn or Stone Garden (Western Skyrim/Blackreach: Greymoor Caverns) - Flames of Ambition: Outfit weapon style Fire-Forged Maul -- Enter either The Cauldron or Black Drake Villa (Deshaan/Gold Coast) - Waking Flame: Scorion Pyreling non-combat pet – Enter either Red Petal Bastion or the Dread Cellar (Glenumbra/Blackwood) - Ascending Tide: Abyssal Embrace Face Markings - Enter either Coral Aerie or Shipwright's Regret (Summerset/Rivenspire) - Lost Depths: Mulberry Hermit Crab non-combat pet - Enter either Earthen Root Enclave or Graven Deep (both surface entries are in High Isle/Amenos, so if you don't own High Isle chapter use map to teleport inside or group with a friend, who is inside and teleport to them) - Scribes of Fate: has no “immediate” loyalty reward. Despite declaring the “Lost in the Woods” emote being granted for just visiting Bal Sunnar or Scrivener's Hall, actually it is rewarded on completing BOTH dungeons on Normal difficulty (relevant discussion: https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/629124/official-discussion-thread-scribes-of-fate-update-37-now-live-on-pc-mac ) Entry points: Bal Sunnar – Stonefalls & Scrivener's - Hall The Rift. - Scions of Ithelia - Bascially, nothing. Completing both Oathsworn Pit and Bedlam Veil in Normal yeilds you only 10 Achievement points, nothing more.
Game-maps.com has ESO+ group dungeons color-coded on the Tamriel map: https://game-maps.com/ESO/Tamriel-ESO-World-Map.asp
Zone DLC:
- Orsinium: Pet: Echalette -- Enter Orsinium capital city (also: quests for Orzorga provisioning recipes, get Briarheart dagger quest reward for your StickerBook) - Thieves Guild: Pet: Jackal -- Enter Abah's Landing. Unlock TG skill line (also grants Thieves Guild Leathers costume) - Dark Brotherhood: Personality: Assassin -- Enter Gold Coast zone. Unlock DB skill line (the second quest in DB story unlocks the Shrouded Armor costume) - Clockwork City: Pet: Scintillant Dovah-Fly -- Enter the Brass Fortress (also do quests for provisioning recipes, the later are bound, so it worths the efforts). Collecting Precursor dummy fragments is up to you as it is quite time consuming and the dummy itself has too low HP. - Murkmire: Pet: Verdigris Haj Mota -- Enter Lilmoth (quest Death Among the Dead-Water rewards with a Fire Rock memento) - Dragonhold: Outfit Style: Topal Corsair Hat -- Enter Southern Elsweyr (questing unlocks other pages). Questing unlocks Mask of Alkosh hat and The Za’ji’s Dragonguard Uniform costume - Markarth: Outfit Style: Arkthzand Anfractuosity Shroud -- Enter The Reach (questing grants head and body markings, and Witchwise Headdress hat collectible) - The Deadlands – Oblivion Explorer’s Headwrap - Enter Fargrave for the first time (its’ wayshrine is unlocked) - Firesong- Firesong Obsidian Mask – Enter Galen
- Summerset: nothing immediate. fish in Artaeum for bound provisioning recipes (otherwise they are obtainable by purchasing Waterlogged Psijic Satchels, which is an expensive lottery), unlock Psijic skill line (progressing it also unlocks buying bound furnishing recipes at the Artaeum trader). Also one of three Antiquities leads for Music Box “In Dreams and Memories” drops in Summerset. And fast to obtain “Alinor Allemande” dance emote from the Antiquity lead.
- Elsweyr: nothing immediate. (Despite parts of Peryite Skeevemaster costume drop in Orcrest public dungeon, parts of a Grisly Mummy Tabby pet drop in Rimmen Necropolis all these are not bound and may be purchased from Guild Traders any time), zone quest unlocks Hall of the Lunar Champion housing (a free manor sized house!!), and Dragonslayer Style head & shoulders outfit styles. Three wings of the Hall of the Lunar Champion manor are unlocked by completing 1) Elsweyr story, 2) Dragonhold story, 3) completing both Lair of Maarselok and Moongrave Fane on normal difficulty. Also completing Sunspire Trial on normal unlocks purchases of the beautiful Akatosh Chancel doors (furnishing for housings) for 100K gold from Achievement furnisher in Rimmen.
- Greymoor - nothing immediate, but Antiquities are numerous.. It takes like 6 ..7 hours to level up Scrying and Excavation up to level 7 to be able to get mythics (faster moving speed is preferable – get crafted Adept Rider set or Coward's Gear set). I did it on 3 characters and stayed at Artaeum doing first greens, then cycling between greens and blues till a purple lead (one time per location) at level 5 scrying (normally 3..4 hours depending on how fast you do move). Then i preferred to stay at Artaeum for approx 3 more hours repeating green-blue cycles to get level 7 (the alternative is to go Green-Blue-Purple in the base game zones & Artaeum (purple part is non-repeatable on account) to unlock the 100,000 gold Al-Esh Ascension Coin lead, but you have to unlock Eyevea (by completing Mages Guild questline) and get 10 in scrying to dig for this gold), and, basically, as other zones are bigger and you would most likely have to kill mobs on your way – this method of skill line progression would take more time then staying in small cosy Artaeum. Well.. this is up to you to decide.
Alcast has a good & comprehensive Antiquties guide: https://alcasthq.com/eso-antiquities-system-guide-greymoor-chapte His guide also includes a link to the levelling guide, where author recommends green-blue-purple method. ESO Hub has good information about Mythics and theirs leads https://eso-hub.com/en/sets/category/mythic Friendly reminder: Mythics are reconstructable at any time (and theirs level is fixed CP160), but not deconstructable.
There are some cosmetic Antiquities items https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Antiquity_Leads#Cosmetics_and_Outfit_Styles
Also pick up the Alinor Allemande emote (Summerset), and, maybe Aldmeri Symphonia music box. Also get fancy crafting stations: Anvil of Old Orsinium, Druidic Provisioning Station, Daedric Enchanting Station, and the Shipbuilder's Woodworking Station. The Ebon Dwarven Wolf mount is 17 parts, so it might take you too much time to get them all in one week, though it is doable, if the random number generator is loyal to you. DisplayLeads addon is awesome and extremely helpful (https://www.esoui.com/downloads/info2651-DisplayLeads-withLocationInfo.html)
- Blackwood nothing seriously big, but you can get a free Bog Dog pet (Lost in the Wilds quest) and some nice furnishings (including a canoe). Companions are not on the table. To kill your time there is the 15 pieces Blackwood Tapestry antiquity furnishing (check Alcast for the guide if interested). Also Thrafey Debutante Gown is a stylish costume obatined with 50 Scaly Cloth Scraps (tradeable) fragments from the Silent Halls public dungeon.
- High Isle. Again, nothing immediate. Cosmetics include non-combat pet Jerall Rescue Dog acquired during Tales of Tribute questline, non-combat pet Coral Haj Mota: 25 Coral Haj Mota Decoys from the Spire Of The Crimson Coin and 25 Coral Haj Mota Lures from Ghost Haven Bay (these are tedious to get tradeable fragments)
Courtly Traveling Attire costume plus head and body marking you get during the zone story line quest Nighthunter's Cowl hat is one lead Antiquity
- Necrom. Nothing immediate. Long term offers include: Emissaries Enclave - big house, 28 quests 1.5M gold, The Fate Scryer Costume – completing the quest “Chronicle of Fate”, shroom tender style - different style pages unlocked by achievements, new ToT desk – Almalexia. nix-ox steed mount would be hard or, probably impossible to get, I can not tell for sure (please comment on that), Abyssal Cephaliarch’s Face Art – completing the quest “A Hidden Fate”, Body Art – completing the quest “A Calamity of Fate”. Also The Prism of Moribund Sapience – completing the quest “In a Troubled House”. The Meln’s Soul Gem memento – completing the quest “Spirit of Fate”
Necrom Master Angler achievememnt unlocks Shroomtender Shoes style, though i normally do not mention Master Angler achievements for DLC zones, as catching all them rare fishies consumes the enormous amount time and only one other Master Angler achievement rewards directly - becoming the Deadlands Master Angler allows to purhcase a Sulfur Pool achievement furnishing. So them fishing shoes style is for the most reckless of you, daredevils! I don't have that much time to complete that. :
Other Shroomtender style pages are unlocked by doing all deleves, world bosses, quests and other activities in Necrom zones.
Berylglow Nix-Ox Steed mount requires the Savior of Necrom achievement with 5 coditions. The third of these is Complete all 3 Daily Job achievements for Necrom's Stalwart Protector one of three requirements for that is "Complete 30 Bastion Nymic Daily Quests for Ordinator Tandasea in Necrom" (i doubt participating in your friends' shared daily Nymic counts, if you have already completed your own daily Nymic, so, here, in my understanding, is the catch. please, correct me if i am wrong and 30 Nymic (as well as 30 WB and Delves dailies) can be done in a week) link: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Savior_of_Necrom (these 30 Nymic dailies also unlock a Obsidian Dwarven Sphere pet, though, again, i doubt it can be done withing a week)
UESP page with the images of loyalty rewards: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:DLC_Loyalty_Rewards
What works:
- Thieves Guild, Dark Brotherhood, and Psijic Guild skill lines skill line will persist, allowing looting Thieves Troves and Psijic portals. Blade of Woe still continues to function (Please, keep in mind that is per character! Psijic quest (it is long) unlocking the line (and subsequent ones (long too)) is fun only first 9 times.., after that it starts becoming annoying)
- Housing purchased in DLC zones will persist, on exiting the house you would not enter a DLC zone, but teleport back to the location from which you have teleported to your house
- Furnishings exceeding non-ESO+ limits will stay, but you will not be able to re-add them if accidentally put away
- you would be able to allocate/deallocate Skill Points (with respec or by loading an Armory build) in the TG/DB/Psijic/JC/Scrying/Excavation skills you have already unlocked while progressing these skill lines.
- Antiquities will still allow you to scry from the map (though I am not sure it was intended by Zenimax)
thanks go to u/LordAsheye for the instructions: https://www.reddit.com/elderscrollsonline/comments/10kdvem/comment/j5rqmpd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
What does not work:
- Jewelry Crafting skill line still requires Summerset (after ESO+ expires you can not access JC crafting stations if you don't own the DLC), but it makes a lot of sense to research Infused, Bloodthirsty and Swift traits for reconstructing stickerbook jewelry (thanks Kelinmiriel for this tip) as at any time you can buy the Transmute Station or visit your friends houses/guildhalls where the said station has been already deployed.
- You would not be able to further progress DB, TG and Psijic skill lines (if not maxed them) after free ESO+ trial ends.
- You can not play Tales of Trubute (if you have no access to High Isle) after trial end
- Companions of Blackwood and High Isle are decoupled from the zone for ESO+ Free trials (but, of course, work for the real subscriptions), Companions of Necrom are not accessible, because Necrom is the latest Chapter, which is not unlocked with ESO+ (trial or regular)
OTHER EASY THINGS to do:
- re-log with each character to make materials they carry to go into the Crafting Bag (after event it will turn into "extract-only" mode)
- unlock TG, DB and Psijic skill lines for each of your characters (looting a thieves trove is enough to unlock the TG line, so if you are lucky to spot the thing that saves a trip to Hew's Bane)
- collect skyshards, lorebooks, unlock exploration and questing dyes and achievements, check achievement furnishers (as they offer quite a lot of inexpensive and nice furnishings)
(LovelyNorth has an excellent achievement furnishers visual guide: http://lovelynorth.com/achievementfurnishings/)
- dye your costumes (this is done per character, so the same costume may be dyed differently on different characters)
- dye your Companions costumes (if you have Blackwood or High Isle or Necrom and unlocked them Companions)
- refine your raw materials, preferably on a character with the best refining passives and Meticulous Disassembly green CP star slotted
- if you do crafting dailies, then pack your CraftBag with everything. I’d suggest depositing a LOT of style stones (basic ones are 15g each at vendors located near crafting stations), potency runes (again, vendors), Ta runes, Mudcrab Chitin and Violet Coprinus. If you craft furnishings stock up with furnishing materials as well.
- pack your houses with 2x storage (utilize 2x furnishing limits at houses of any size)
- do the treasure maps (might be purchased at the Guild Traders) pointing to otherwise restricted zones
- if you decided to train Antiquities, then acquire new and do the existing leads in the unlocked DLC zones (if you decide to max up Antiquities skill lines (for the Ultimate difficulty furnishing leads) - the easy way to get level 7 lead (Void-Crystal Anomaly furnishing) is to harvest nodes in Coldharbour, as it drops surprisingly often there from resource nodes)
- attune your crafting stations to Order's Wrath (High Isle), Law of Julianos (Wrothgar) , New Moon Acolyte (Southern Elsweyr) (also: Clever Alchemist, Wretched Vitality, Mechanical Acuity (CWC), Coldharbor Favorite, Stuhn's Favor, Heartland Conqueror, and Ancient Dragonguard are quite good options too (imho), but that is you, who decides on that matter and most of the GuildHalls normally have them crafting stations).
- it is worth mentioning you can open your geodes to use doubled (1000) transmute crystal limit (though after the event you would not be able to add new crystals unless you consume the existing ones to make theirs number to drop below the “normal” 500 limit)
- purchasing alchemy ingredients to pack your CraftBag with is up to you (this may help to level up new characters uber-fast using batches of pre-crafted Master Achemy Writs), as well as buying uncommon style materials (for future gear crafting Master Writs). However, for both of these purposes I’d suggest just to subscribe to ESO+.
TIME-CONSUMING ACTIVITIES:
- collect Bound-On-Pickup group dungeons DLC gear for the collections book (unbound may be bought)
- quests and dungeons for rewards, achievements and collectibles (like Elsweyr free housing or Elsweyr+Dragonhold Epilogue free flying pet, undaunted trophies.. Pirharri the Smuggler assistant, etc etc..)
- doing DLC dungeons for bound gear, skillpoints, achievements (including skins for achievements in veteran DLC dungeons), motif pages drops and trophies
- if you are for good DPS sets: on normal Falkreath Hold (for Pillar of Nirn) is soloable, just block minotaurs heavy attacks. Frostvault (for Tzogvin's Warband) is soloable too, just get tanky to kill the troll. And you don’t need 60+ runs as you get armor pieces rather quick so you can reconstruct them later (for 50..60 crystals, not 25, but, anyway..). Weapons require more runs, though..
- doing DLC trials with friends for skins, gear and achievement. UESP: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Trials
- Zones story quests reward with skillpoints (especially smaller zones: CWC -8, Murkmire – 7, Southern Elsweyr – 6+3, Markarth – 6+3, The Deadlands – 6+3, Firesong – 6+3 (6+3 means 6 from smaller zone DLC plus 3 from epilogue quests completing one year arc (if the appropriate big zone DLC story line completed))). (Thanks to u/RadioRy for this recommendation) Also: warning: it takes only several hours for these storylines if you rush the dialogues, however – rushing is not recommended if you are for stories or RP.
- do public dungeons group events in Summerset Isles, Northern Elsweyr, Greymoor, Blackwood, High Isle and Wrothgar for the skill points (Atoll of Immolation is, technically, a public dungeon too, but does not reward you with a skillpoint. Enter it from The Deadlands, not from Blackwood)
Game-Maps.com has the excellent public dungeons maps https://game-maps.com/ESO/ESO-Public-Dungeon.asp
On PC use the Urich's Skill Point Finder addon to check your quests, skyshards and dungeons skillpoints https://www.esoui.com/downloads/info1863-UrichsSkillPointFinder.html
- check UESP full list of mementos: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Mementos (“DLC and Chapters” is a sepatare section), maybe you would like to unlock some
- completing skill lines (DB, TG, Psijic)
- complete maps (do world bosses if you please)
- complete fishing Achievements
- do DLC dungeons with friends on veteran difficulty for skins, costumes, titles and other nice rewards
Now some details about fashion for those, who might be interested in that stuff. Skip if not.
Five sections below do not include veteran hard-mode dungeons and trials rewards and achievements, as not 100% of the players do these activities. Let’s talk relatively easy things, OKay?
(Base Game, Morrowind, and Imperial City goodies are not included for the obvious reason – no connection with ESO+, though Shadowfen skeleton or Vvardenfell Scarlett Judge costume are mentioned in the comments each and every time). Dyes are too numerous, so I decided not to overload this document. Check UESP for dyes, please.
I also skipped titles, mementos and emotes to keep this text reasonably compact.
GETTING COSTUMES (not including the ones from the tradeable fragments)
- Antiquarian Field Garb & Antiquarian Robes - gained by progressing scrying and excavating antiquities - Regalia of the Orsimer King - completing Orsinium storyline quests - Cavalier of the Sworn Oath Old Orsinium Sentry Trinimac's Penitent Knight - questing in Wrothgar - Merchant Lord's Formal Regalia - obtained by progressing Thieves Guild story quest - Shrouded Armor - you get it at the very start of Dark Brotherhood story-line quests - Thieves Guild Leathers - you get it just by starting Thieves guild questline - Za'ji's Dragonguard Uniform - completing Southern Elsweyr questline - Oblivion Explorer Garb – obtained during The Deadlands zone story - Courtly Traveling Attire – complete High Isle zone story - Black Hand Robe – complete Dark Brotherhood story - The Fate Scryer Costume - obtained during Necrom zone quest
HATS (not including “instant” ones)
- Nighthunter's Cowl Hat – Antiquity on the High Isle - Ironclad Sarcoshroud – Antiquity in The Deadlands - Helm of the Black Fin – obtained during Blackwood zone quest line - Arkthzand Insight Vertex Shroud – Antiquity in Markarth DLC - Witchwise Headdress – obtained during The Reach story line quests - Dwemer Crown - the Antiquity lead drops from the group event boss in Nchuthnkarst public dungeon in Blackreach - Mask of Alkosh obtained by completing the Dragonhold main questline - Madgod’s Turban obtained with “The Lunacy of Two Moons” side quest in Northern Elsweyr - Psijic Skullcap is obtained on completing the Psijic Order quests line
NON-COMBAT PETS (not including “instant” ones)
- Phoenix Moth – awarded on completing Galen’s story line quests - Jerall Rescue Dog – obtained during Tales of Tribute quest line - Coral Haj Mota – combined from (tradeable) fragments from both High Isle public dungeons - Dremnaken Runt – obtained completing Blackwood + The Deadlands epilogue quest line - Bog Dog pet – obtained by exploration achievement in Blackwood (check ArzyeLBuilds guide https://arzyelbuilds.com/eso-lost-in-the-wilds-achievement-guide-blackwood-free-pet/) - Dwarven Scarab – 7 parts Antiquity from Markarth DLC. Thought Zeni claims they improved the drop rates, they still deserve much better :( - Somnolent Void Rot - obtained during Greymoor + Markarth epilogue quest line - Solitude Silver Wolf – obtained during Greymoor story line quests - Regal Dragon Imp flying pet obtained during Season of the Dragon Epilogue quests
FACE AND BODY MARKINGS (not including “instant” ones)
- Y’ffelon’s face and body marks obtained during Galen story quest line - Stonelore’s Legend Face and Body marks obtained during High Isle zone story - Fargrave Soullatice Face and Body obtained on completing The Deadlands story questline - Ysgramor’s Chosen Face Marking – antiquity lead in Western Skyrim - Ysgramor’s Chosen Body Marking obtained during Greymoor story quest - Dwemer Face Markings – antiquity lead from Colossus Charging Station WB in Blackreach - Dwemer Body Markings – antiquity lead from the boss of The Scraps delve in Western Skyrim - Face & Body Imprint of the Psijic Order are obtained during the Psijic Order quests line in Summerset - Abyssal Cephaliarch’s Face Art – completing the quest “A Hidden Fate” in Necrom - Body Art – completing the quest “A Calamity of Fate” in Necrom
SKINS
- Barkroot Blessing is 10 parts antiquity from Galen https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Barkroot_Blessing (i will be honest: I gave up with this skin after using 25+ Galen treasure maps with zero freakin’ lead drop; may the luck follow you, tamrielings!:)
OTHER COSMETICS
- Ascendant Lord’s Greatsword – style page awarded for completing High Isle + Firesong epilogue quests chain - Eldertide Style – shoulder style Antiquity from Galen Treasure Map I - Pelin’s Paragon outfit style pages drop from Tales of Tribute dailies rewards containers - Bog Blight Funerary Mask Style – hat style Antiquity from Blackwood - Leyawiin Brigadine Shield Style – obtained by completing Blackwood zone story line - Malign Ambitions Crow – major adornment obtained during story line quests in Blackwood - Antiquarian's Pickaxe is a two-handed weapon style acquired by reaching the max rank in the Excavation Skill Line - Wolf of Solitude Replica Sword is one-handed weapon style obtained during Greymoor storyline quests - Karthwatch Sigil Shield outfit style is also obtained during Greymoor storyline quests - Wolfcrown of Solitude adornment obtained on finishing Greymoor story line quests - Topal Corsair outfit style pages are awarded for completing different quests in Southern Elsweyr - Ancient & Pristine Moon Crescent Styles are sickle-like one-handed weapon styles obtained by completing side quests chain given by Vastarie NPC in Northern Elsweyr - Skyterror Dragonslayer Style are helm and shoulder outfit styles granted during Northern Elsweyr storyline quests - Mystic Eye Psijic Cuirass outfit Style is obtained during the Summerset zone story - Psijic Warden Gauntlets outfit Style is also obtained during the Summerset zone story - Shroomtender outfit pages are a reward for completing various achievements associated with the exploration of Necrom
DAILIES
UESP has a comprehensive list of dailies and how to unlock them: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Repeatable_Quests
FURNISHING PLANS
(though I would not recommend this because of cooldowns and limited time of the Event, but this is still a good clean family entertainment to diversify your activities. Wrothgar: loot Old Orsinium; CWC: steal in Brass Fortress Basilica; Summerset loot Shimmerene Monastery; Murkmire: steal in Lilmoth and Bright-Throat Village; Northern Elsweyr: loot Rimmen Royal Palace (Dragonhold added no new furnishing plans); Greymoor: loot Nchuthnkarst; Markarth: loot Bthar-Zel (unlocked during the zone quest); Blackwood: steal in Leaywiin Castle; The Deadlands: steal in The Bearer’s Rest in Fargrave, High Isle: loot Castle Navire, Galen: steal in Maltheo Rouillac's House in Vastyr). Necrom loot in Sailenmora Crypts (you have to start the "a thif to catch a thief" quest, but NOT finish it, otherwise you lose access to this place (very juicy from the start, now seriously nerfed))
Swap characters after blue or purple plan drop (the cooldown for blues is one hour per character). I would also suggest to swap characters after you start getting white furnishing plans. Slot “Homemaker” green CP star.
OTHER LONG-TERM ACTIVITIES:
- doing Museum quests for unique furnishing items and costumes ( https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Museums )
- farming bound collectibles fragments in public dungeons (https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Fragments)
- digging mythics and other antiquities (wolfie mount, music box, dance emote, face and body markings, cosmetics, and fancy furnishings, as there are many great-looking Antiquities furnishings)
- do the surveys and refine as much as you can to stock up your CraftBag (ideally to hold up till the next ESO+ free event)
- DO THE SOLO ARENAS: the Maelstrom Arena weapons are still great, also the Vateshran Hollows weapons are good and achievements (unlocking skin and dyes may be done on a veteran difficulty).
BlackRose Prison weapons are also good, but you would prefer to go with friend(s), as this group arena is noticeably harder than the soloable nDSA.
(reminder: Curated drops in Arenas work only on the final chest)
Completing veteran MA unlocks Maelstrom Baron polymorph, completing veteran VH unlocks Void Pathosis skin.
TIP: Set up your priorities!
As there are a LOT of things to be done and time is the essence, I’d suggest getting instant freebies first (it takes less than an hour) and then focus on what you consider the most important (like mythics, or trial/dungeons gear, or some free stuff requiring questing, or dailies, or just exploration, etc) as this depends on what brings you the most fun. The ESO is a MMO game, after all!
Be sure to check the comprehensive list of collectibles compiled by Benevolent Bowd (benevolentbowd):
https://benevolentbowd.ca/games/esotu/eso-making-the-most-of-it/
http://benevolentbowd.ca/games/esotu/esotu-unlockable-collectibles/
Friendly reminder: collectibles, mementos, emotes, dyes and currencies are account-wide.
If I have missed anything essential (I intentionally omitted Base Game, Vvardenfell and Imperial City things as they do not depend on ESO+), please, post that in the comments to help making this guide better. Thank you.
Good luck, friends.
Have fun
P.S. FAQ: the most frequent questions are:
- How to activate the ESO+ trial? - Normally the magic sequence is: inagme Crown Store, select the ESO Plus tab, select “Free Trial!” ( official instructionhttps://www.elderscrollsonline.com/en-us/news/post/66079 ) - How long does it last? - Normally seven days. Check the official site for precise information. Event ends on June 19 14:00 UTC - is this once in a lifetime promotion? - No. You can participate in all the subsequent ESO+ free trial events whenever they happen - How often such promotions do happen? – it is hard to say, normally 2-3 times a year, but there are no schedule and warranties. - I am already subscribed. Do I benefit from this event? - Not really. - Does this week adds to existing subscriptions? – Nope. - Does free ESO+ trial unlocks Warden & Necromancer classes ?– Nope. - How long does it take to pick up all of them instant loyalty rewards? - Normally less than an hour. - Any free mounts? - Ebon Dwarven Mount from Antiquities. There are also other mounts but it depends. Mounts are granted for trifectas DLC Trials achievements, but they are really hard to obtain, as it takes highly coordinated capable group to achieve vet HM speed-run no-death. Antiquties wolf mount could be unlocked in one week but this takes some serious no-lifing. :) - What will happen with the Craftbag? - it will go into “extract only” mode, you will not lose your materials. u/Kelinmiriel explained the order materials are consumed when crafting: the game uses 1) any stolen materials you're carrying, 2) materials from your craft bag, 3) non-stolen materials in your inventory. You have no choice about this. - Do I keep all these collectibles and items I have obtained? – Sure!
Stay safe, folx!
submitted by DinoZavr to elderscrollsonline [link] [comments]
Activation: ingame Crown Store -> ESO Plus tab → click “Free Trial!”.
INSTANT or QUICK Freebies:
Dungeons DLC: - Shadow of the Hist: Heroic personality -- Enter either the Ruins of Mazzatun or the Cradle of Shadows (Shadowfen) - Horns of the Reach: Bullhorns emote -- Enter either Falkreath Hold or Bloodroot Forge (Craglorn) - Dragon Bones: hat: Renegade Dragon Priest Mask -- Enter either Fang Lair or Scalecaller Peak (Bangkorai/Stormhaven) - Wolfhunter: Werewolf Hunter Hat -- Enter either Moon Hunter Keep or March of Sacrifices (Reaper’s March/Greenshade) - Wrathstone: hat: Ayleid Royal Crown -- Enter either Frostvault or Depths of Malatar (Eastmarch/Gold Coast) - Scalebreaker: outfit style: Dread-Aurelian Mask -- Enter either Lair of Maarselok or Moongrave Fane (Grathwood /Northern Elsweyr) - Harrowstorm: Emote: Wickerman Mishap -- Enter either Unhallowed Grave or Icereach (Bangkorai/Wrothgar) - StoneThorn: Pet: Energetic Dwarven Shock-Spider -- Enter either Castle Thorn or Stone Garden (Western Skyrim/Blackreach: Greymoor Caverns) - Flames of Ambition: Outfit weapon style Fire-Forged Maul -- Enter either The Cauldron or Black Drake Villa (Deshaan/Gold Coast) - Waking Flame: Scorion Pyreling non-combat pet – Enter either Red Petal Bastion or the Dread Cellar (Glenumbra/Blackwood) - Ascending Tide: Abyssal Embrace Face Markings - Enter either Coral Aerie or Shipwright's Regret (Summerset/Rivenspire) - Lost Depths: Mulberry Hermit Crab non-combat pet - Enter either Earthen Root Enclave or Graven Deep (both surface entries are in High Isle/Amenos, so if you don't own High Isle chapter use map to teleport inside or group with a friend, who is inside and teleport to them) - Scribes of Fate: has no “immediate” loyalty reward. Despite declaring the “Lost in the Woods” emote being granted for just visiting Bal Sunnar or Scrivener's Hall, actually it is rewarded on completing BOTH dungeons on Normal difficulty (relevant discussion: https://forums.elderscrollsonline.com/en/discussion/629124/official-discussion-thread-scribes-of-fate-update-37-now-live-on-pc-mac ) Entry points: Bal Sunnar – Stonefalls & Scrivener's - Hall The Rift. - Scions of Ithelia - Bascially, nothing. Completing both Oathsworn Pit and Bedlam Veil in Normal yeilds you only 10 Achievement points, nothing more.
Game-maps.com has ESO+ group dungeons color-coded on the Tamriel map: https://game-maps.com/ESO/Tamriel-ESO-World-Map.asp
Zone DLC:
- Orsinium: Pet: Echalette -- Enter Orsinium capital city (also: quests for Orzorga provisioning recipes, get Briarheart dagger quest reward for your StickerBook) - Thieves Guild: Pet: Jackal -- Enter Abah's Landing. Unlock TG skill line (also grants Thieves Guild Leathers costume) - Dark Brotherhood: Personality: Assassin -- Enter Gold Coast zone. Unlock DB skill line (the second quest in DB story unlocks the Shrouded Armor costume) - Clockwork City: Pet: Scintillant Dovah-Fly -- Enter the Brass Fortress (also do quests for provisioning recipes, the later are bound, so it worths the efforts). Collecting Precursor dummy fragments is up to you as it is quite time consuming and the dummy itself has too low HP. - Murkmire: Pet: Verdigris Haj Mota -- Enter Lilmoth (quest Death Among the Dead-Water rewards with a Fire Rock memento) - Dragonhold: Outfit Style: Topal Corsair Hat -- Enter Southern Elsweyr (questing unlocks other pages). Questing unlocks Mask of Alkosh hat and The Za’ji’s Dragonguard Uniform costume - Markarth: Outfit Style: Arkthzand Anfractuosity Shroud -- Enter The Reach (questing grants head and body markings, and Witchwise Headdress hat collectible) - The Deadlands – Oblivion Explorer’s Headwrap - Enter Fargrave for the first time (its’ wayshrine is unlocked) - Firesong- Firesong Obsidian Mask – Enter Galen
- Summerset: nothing immediate. fish in Artaeum for bound provisioning recipes (otherwise they are obtainable by purchasing Waterlogged Psijic Satchels, which is an expensive lottery), unlock Psijic skill line (progressing it also unlocks buying bound furnishing recipes at the Artaeum trader). Also one of three Antiquities leads for Music Box “In Dreams and Memories” drops in Summerset. And fast to obtain “Alinor Allemande” dance emote from the Antiquity lead.
- Elsweyr: nothing immediate. (Despite parts of Peryite Skeevemaster costume drop in Orcrest public dungeon, parts of a Grisly Mummy Tabby pet drop in Rimmen Necropolis all these are not bound and may be purchased from Guild Traders any time), zone quest unlocks Hall of the Lunar Champion housing (a free manor sized house!!), and Dragonslayer Style head & shoulders outfit styles. Three wings of the Hall of the Lunar Champion manor are unlocked by completing 1) Elsweyr story, 2) Dragonhold story, 3) completing both Lair of Maarselok and Moongrave Fane on normal difficulty. Also completing Sunspire Trial on normal unlocks purchases of the beautiful Akatosh Chancel doors (furnishing for housings) for 100K gold from Achievement furnisher in Rimmen.
- Greymoor - nothing immediate, but Antiquities are numerous.. It takes like 6 ..7 hours to level up Scrying and Excavation up to level 7 to be able to get mythics (faster moving speed is preferable – get crafted Adept Rider set or Coward's Gear set). I did it on 3 characters and stayed at Artaeum doing first greens, then cycling between greens and blues till a purple lead (one time per location) at level 5 scrying (normally 3..4 hours depending on how fast you do move). Then i preferred to stay at Artaeum for approx 3 more hours repeating green-blue cycles to get level 7 (the alternative is to go Green-Blue-Purple in the base game zones & Artaeum (purple part is non-repeatable on account) to unlock the 100,000 gold Al-Esh Ascension Coin lead, but you have to unlock Eyevea (by completing Mages Guild questline) and get 10 in scrying to dig for this gold), and, basically, as other zones are bigger and you would most likely have to kill mobs on your way – this method of skill line progression would take more time then staying in small cosy Artaeum. Well.. this is up to you to decide.
Alcast has a good & comprehensive Antiquties guide: https://alcasthq.com/eso-antiquities-system-guide-greymoor-chapte His guide also includes a link to the levelling guide, where author recommends green-blue-purple method. ESO Hub has good information about Mythics and theirs leads https://eso-hub.com/en/sets/category/mythic Friendly reminder: Mythics are reconstructable at any time (and theirs level is fixed CP160), but not deconstructable.
There are some cosmetic Antiquities items https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Antiquity_Leads#Cosmetics_and_Outfit_Styles
Also pick up the Alinor Allemande emote (Summerset), and, maybe Aldmeri Symphonia music box. Also get fancy crafting stations: Anvil of Old Orsinium, Druidic Provisioning Station, Daedric Enchanting Station, and the Shipbuilder's Woodworking Station. The Ebon Dwarven Wolf mount is 17 parts, so it might take you too much time to get them all in one week, though it is doable, if the random number generator is loyal to you. DisplayLeads addon is awesome and extremely helpful (https://www.esoui.com/downloads/info2651-DisplayLeads-withLocationInfo.html)
- Blackwood nothing seriously big, but you can get a free Bog Dog pet (Lost in the Wilds quest) and some nice furnishings (including a canoe). Companions are not on the table. To kill your time there is the 15 pieces Blackwood Tapestry antiquity furnishing (check Alcast for the guide if interested). Also Thrafey Debutante Gown is a stylish costume obatined with 50 Scaly Cloth Scraps (tradeable) fragments from the Silent Halls public dungeon.
- High Isle. Again, nothing immediate. Cosmetics include non-combat pet Jerall Rescue Dog acquired during Tales of Tribute questline, non-combat pet Coral Haj Mota: 25 Coral Haj Mota Decoys from the Spire Of The Crimson Coin and 25 Coral Haj Mota Lures from Ghost Haven Bay (these are tedious to get tradeable fragments)
Courtly Traveling Attire costume plus head and body marking you get during the zone story line quest Nighthunter's Cowl hat is one lead Antiquity
- Necrom. Nothing immediate. Long term offers include: Emissaries Enclave - big house, 28 quests 1.5M gold, The Fate Scryer Costume – completing the quest “Chronicle of Fate”, shroom tender style - different style pages unlocked by achievements, new ToT desk – Almalexia. nix-ox steed mount would be hard or, probably impossible to get, I can not tell for sure (please comment on that), Abyssal Cephaliarch’s Face Art – completing the quest “A Hidden Fate”, Body Art – completing the quest “A Calamity of Fate”. Also The Prism of Moribund Sapience – completing the quest “In a Troubled House”. The Meln’s Soul Gem memento – completing the quest “Spirit of Fate”
Necrom Master Angler achievememnt unlocks Shroomtender Shoes style, though i normally do not mention Master Angler achievements for DLC zones, as catching all them rare fishies consumes the enormous amount time and only one other Master Angler achievement rewards directly - becoming the Deadlands Master Angler allows to purhcase a Sulfur Pool achievement furnishing. So them fishing shoes style is for the most reckless of you, daredevils! I don't have that much time to complete that. :
Other Shroomtender style pages are unlocked by doing all deleves, world bosses, quests and other activities in Necrom zones.
Berylglow Nix-Ox Steed mount requires the Savior of Necrom achievement with 5 coditions. The third of these is Complete all 3 Daily Job achievements for Necrom's Stalwart Protector one of three requirements for that is "Complete 30 Bastion Nymic Daily Quests for Ordinator Tandasea in Necrom" (i doubt participating in your friends' shared daily Nymic counts, if you have already completed your own daily Nymic, so, here, in my understanding, is the catch. please, correct me if i am wrong and 30 Nymic (as well as 30 WB and Delves dailies) can be done in a week) link: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Savior_of_Necrom (these 30 Nymic dailies also unlock a Obsidian Dwarven Sphere pet, though, again, i doubt it can be done withing a week)
UESP page with the images of loyalty rewards: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:DLC_Loyalty_Rewards
What works:
- Thieves Guild, Dark Brotherhood, and Psijic Guild skill lines skill line will persist, allowing looting Thieves Troves and Psijic portals. Blade of Woe still continues to function (Please, keep in mind that is per character! Psijic quest (it is long) unlocking the line (and subsequent ones (long too)) is fun only first 9 times.., after that it starts becoming annoying)
- Housing purchased in DLC zones will persist, on exiting the house you would not enter a DLC zone, but teleport back to the location from which you have teleported to your house
- Furnishings exceeding non-ESO+ limits will stay, but you will not be able to re-add them if accidentally put away
- you would be able to allocate/deallocate Skill Points (with respec or by loading an Armory build) in the TG/DB/Psijic/JC/Scrying/Excavation skills you have already unlocked while progressing these skill lines.
- Antiquities will still allow you to scry from the map (though I am not sure it was intended by Zenimax)
thanks go to u/LordAsheye for the instructions: https://www.reddit.com/elderscrollsonline/comments/10kdvem/comment/j5rqmpd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
What does not work:
- Jewelry Crafting skill line still requires Summerset (after ESO+ expires you can not access JC crafting stations if you don't own the DLC), but it makes a lot of sense to research Infused, Bloodthirsty and Swift traits for reconstructing stickerbook jewelry (thanks Kelinmiriel for this tip) as at any time you can buy the Transmute Station or visit your friends houses/guildhalls where the said station has been already deployed.
- You would not be able to further progress DB, TG and Psijic skill lines (if not maxed them) after free ESO+ trial ends.
- You can not play Tales of Trubute (if you have no access to High Isle) after trial end
- Companions of Blackwood and High Isle are decoupled from the zone for ESO+ Free trials (but, of course, work for the real subscriptions), Companions of Necrom are not accessible, because Necrom is the latest Chapter, which is not unlocked with ESO+ (trial or regular)
OTHER EASY THINGS to do:
- re-log with each character to make materials they carry to go into the Crafting Bag (after event it will turn into "extract-only" mode)
- unlock TG, DB and Psijic skill lines for each of your characters (looting a thieves trove is enough to unlock the TG line, so if you are lucky to spot the thing that saves a trip to Hew's Bane)
- collect skyshards, lorebooks, unlock exploration and questing dyes and achievements, check achievement furnishers (as they offer quite a lot of inexpensive and nice furnishings)
(LovelyNorth has an excellent achievement furnishers visual guide: http://lovelynorth.com/achievementfurnishings/)
- dye your costumes (this is done per character, so the same costume may be dyed differently on different characters)
- dye your Companions costumes (if you have Blackwood or High Isle or Necrom and unlocked them Companions)
- refine your raw materials, preferably on a character with the best refining passives and Meticulous Disassembly green CP star slotted
- if you do crafting dailies, then pack your CraftBag with everything. I’d suggest depositing a LOT of style stones (basic ones are 15g each at vendors located near crafting stations), potency runes (again, vendors), Ta runes, Mudcrab Chitin and Violet Coprinus. If you craft furnishings stock up with furnishing materials as well.
- pack your houses with 2x storage (utilize 2x furnishing limits at houses of any size)
- do the treasure maps (might be purchased at the Guild Traders) pointing to otherwise restricted zones
- if you decided to train Antiquities, then acquire new and do the existing leads in the unlocked DLC zones (if you decide to max up Antiquities skill lines (for the Ultimate difficulty furnishing leads) - the easy way to get level 7 lead (Void-Crystal Anomaly furnishing) is to harvest nodes in Coldharbour, as it drops surprisingly often there from resource nodes)
- attune your crafting stations to Order's Wrath (High Isle), Law of Julianos (Wrothgar) , New Moon Acolyte (Southern Elsweyr) (also: Clever Alchemist, Wretched Vitality, Mechanical Acuity (CWC), Coldharbor Favorite, Stuhn's Favor, Heartland Conqueror, and Ancient Dragonguard are quite good options too (imho), but that is you, who decides on that matter and most of the GuildHalls normally have them crafting stations).
- it is worth mentioning you can open your geodes to use doubled (1000) transmute crystal limit (though after the event you would not be able to add new crystals unless you consume the existing ones to make theirs number to drop below the “normal” 500 limit)
- purchasing alchemy ingredients to pack your CraftBag with is up to you (this may help to level up new characters uber-fast using batches of pre-crafted Master Achemy Writs), as well as buying uncommon style materials (for future gear crafting Master Writs). However, for both of these purposes I’d suggest just to subscribe to ESO+.
TIME-CONSUMING ACTIVITIES:
- collect Bound-On-Pickup group dungeons DLC gear for the collections book (unbound may be bought)
- quests and dungeons for rewards, achievements and collectibles (like Elsweyr free housing or Elsweyr+Dragonhold Epilogue free flying pet, undaunted trophies.. Pirharri the Smuggler assistant, etc etc..)
- doing DLC dungeons for bound gear, skillpoints, achievements (including skins for achievements in veteran DLC dungeons), motif pages drops and trophies
- if you are for good DPS sets: on normal Falkreath Hold (for Pillar of Nirn) is soloable, just block minotaurs heavy attacks. Frostvault (for Tzogvin's Warband) is soloable too, just get tanky to kill the troll. And you don’t need 60+ runs as you get armor pieces rather quick so you can reconstruct them later (for 50..60 crystals, not 25, but, anyway..). Weapons require more runs, though..
- doing DLC trials with friends for skins, gear and achievement. UESP: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Trials
- Zones story quests reward with skillpoints (especially smaller zones: CWC -8, Murkmire – 7, Southern Elsweyr – 6+3, Markarth – 6+3, The Deadlands – 6+3, Firesong – 6+3 (6+3 means 6 from smaller zone DLC plus 3 from epilogue quests completing one year arc (if the appropriate big zone DLC story line completed))). (Thanks to u/RadioRy for this recommendation) Also: warning: it takes only several hours for these storylines if you rush the dialogues, however – rushing is not recommended if you are for stories or RP.
- do public dungeons group events in Summerset Isles, Northern Elsweyr, Greymoor, Blackwood, High Isle and Wrothgar for the skill points (Atoll of Immolation is, technically, a public dungeon too, but does not reward you with a skillpoint. Enter it from The Deadlands, not from Blackwood)
Game-Maps.com has the excellent public dungeons maps https://game-maps.com/ESO/ESO-Public-Dungeon.asp
On PC use the Urich's Skill Point Finder addon to check your quests, skyshards and dungeons skillpoints https://www.esoui.com/downloads/info1863-UrichsSkillPointFinder.html
- check UESP full list of mementos: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Mementos (“DLC and Chapters” is a sepatare section), maybe you would like to unlock some
- completing skill lines (DB, TG, Psijic)
- complete maps (do world bosses if you please)
- complete fishing Achievements
- do DLC dungeons with friends on veteran difficulty for skins, costumes, titles and other nice rewards
Now some details about fashion for those, who might be interested in that stuff. Skip if not.
Five sections below do not include veteran hard-mode dungeons and trials rewards and achievements, as not 100% of the players do these activities. Let’s talk relatively easy things, OKay?
(Base Game, Morrowind, and Imperial City goodies are not included for the obvious reason – no connection with ESO+, though Shadowfen skeleton or Vvardenfell Scarlett Judge costume are mentioned in the comments each and every time). Dyes are too numerous, so I decided not to overload this document. Check UESP for dyes, please.
I also skipped titles, mementos and emotes to keep this text reasonably compact.
GETTING COSTUMES (not including the ones from the tradeable fragments)
- Antiquarian Field Garb & Antiquarian Robes - gained by progressing scrying and excavating antiquities - Regalia of the Orsimer King - completing Orsinium storyline quests - Cavalier of the Sworn Oath Old Orsinium Sentry Trinimac's Penitent Knight - questing in Wrothgar - Merchant Lord's Formal Regalia - obtained by progressing Thieves Guild story quest - Shrouded Armor - you get it at the very start of Dark Brotherhood story-line quests - Thieves Guild Leathers - you get it just by starting Thieves guild questline - Za'ji's Dragonguard Uniform - completing Southern Elsweyr questline - Oblivion Explorer Garb – obtained during The Deadlands zone story - Courtly Traveling Attire – complete High Isle zone story - Black Hand Robe – complete Dark Brotherhood story - The Fate Scryer Costume - obtained during Necrom zone quest
HATS (not including “instant” ones)
- Nighthunter's Cowl Hat – Antiquity on the High Isle - Ironclad Sarcoshroud – Antiquity in The Deadlands - Helm of the Black Fin – obtained during Blackwood zone quest line - Arkthzand Insight Vertex Shroud – Antiquity in Markarth DLC - Witchwise Headdress – obtained during The Reach story line quests - Dwemer Crown - the Antiquity lead drops from the group event boss in Nchuthnkarst public dungeon in Blackreach - Mask of Alkosh obtained by completing the Dragonhold main questline - Madgod’s Turban obtained with “The Lunacy of Two Moons” side quest in Northern Elsweyr - Psijic Skullcap is obtained on completing the Psijic Order quests line
NON-COMBAT PETS (not including “instant” ones)
- Phoenix Moth – awarded on completing Galen’s story line quests - Jerall Rescue Dog – obtained during Tales of Tribute quest line - Coral Haj Mota – combined from (tradeable) fragments from both High Isle public dungeons - Dremnaken Runt – obtained completing Blackwood + The Deadlands epilogue quest line - Bog Dog pet – obtained by exploration achievement in Blackwood (check ArzyeLBuilds guide https://arzyelbuilds.com/eso-lost-in-the-wilds-achievement-guide-blackwood-free-pet/) - Dwarven Scarab – 7 parts Antiquity from Markarth DLC. Thought Zeni claims they improved the drop rates, they still deserve much better :( - Somnolent Void Rot - obtained during Greymoor + Markarth epilogue quest line - Solitude Silver Wolf – obtained during Greymoor story line quests - Regal Dragon Imp flying pet obtained during Season of the Dragon Epilogue quests
FACE AND BODY MARKINGS (not including “instant” ones)
- Y’ffelon’s face and body marks obtained during Galen story quest line - Stonelore’s Legend Face and Body marks obtained during High Isle zone story - Fargrave Soullatice Face and Body obtained on completing The Deadlands story questline - Ysgramor’s Chosen Face Marking – antiquity lead in Western Skyrim - Ysgramor’s Chosen Body Marking obtained during Greymoor story quest - Dwemer Face Markings – antiquity lead from Colossus Charging Station WB in Blackreach - Dwemer Body Markings – antiquity lead from the boss of The Scraps delve in Western Skyrim - Face & Body Imprint of the Psijic Order are obtained during the Psijic Order quests line in Summerset - Abyssal Cephaliarch’s Face Art – completing the quest “A Hidden Fate” in Necrom - Body Art – completing the quest “A Calamity of Fate” in Necrom
SKINS
- Barkroot Blessing is 10 parts antiquity from Galen https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Barkroot_Blessing (i will be honest: I gave up with this skin after using 25+ Galen treasure maps with zero freakin’ lead drop; may the luck follow you, tamrielings!:)
OTHER COSMETICS
- Ascendant Lord’s Greatsword – style page awarded for completing High Isle + Firesong epilogue quests chain - Eldertide Style – shoulder style Antiquity from Galen Treasure Map I - Pelin’s Paragon outfit style pages drop from Tales of Tribute dailies rewards containers - Bog Blight Funerary Mask Style – hat style Antiquity from Blackwood - Leyawiin Brigadine Shield Style – obtained by completing Blackwood zone story line - Malign Ambitions Crow – major adornment obtained during story line quests in Blackwood - Antiquarian's Pickaxe is a two-handed weapon style acquired by reaching the max rank in the Excavation Skill Line - Wolf of Solitude Replica Sword is one-handed weapon style obtained during Greymoor storyline quests - Karthwatch Sigil Shield outfit style is also obtained during Greymoor storyline quests - Wolfcrown of Solitude adornment obtained on finishing Greymoor story line quests - Topal Corsair outfit style pages are awarded for completing different quests in Southern Elsweyr - Ancient & Pristine Moon Crescent Styles are sickle-like one-handed weapon styles obtained by completing side quests chain given by Vastarie NPC in Northern Elsweyr - Skyterror Dragonslayer Style are helm and shoulder outfit styles granted during Northern Elsweyr storyline quests - Mystic Eye Psijic Cuirass outfit Style is obtained during the Summerset zone story - Psijic Warden Gauntlets outfit Style is also obtained during the Summerset zone story - Shroomtender outfit pages are a reward for completing various achievements associated with the exploration of Necrom
DAILIES
UESP has a comprehensive list of dailies and how to unlock them: https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Repeatable_Quests
FURNISHING PLANS
(though I would not recommend this because of cooldowns and limited time of the Event, but this is still a good clean family entertainment to diversify your activities. Wrothgar: loot Old Orsinium; CWC: steal in Brass Fortress Basilica; Summerset loot Shimmerene Monastery; Murkmire: steal in Lilmoth and Bright-Throat Village; Northern Elsweyr: loot Rimmen Royal Palace (Dragonhold added no new furnishing plans); Greymoor: loot Nchuthnkarst; Markarth: loot Bthar-Zel (unlocked during the zone quest); Blackwood: steal in Leaywiin Castle; The Deadlands: steal in The Bearer’s Rest in Fargrave, High Isle: loot Castle Navire, Galen: steal in Maltheo Rouillac's House in Vastyr). Necrom loot in Sailenmora Crypts (you have to start the "a thif to catch a thief" quest, but NOT finish it, otherwise you lose access to this place (very juicy from the start, now seriously nerfed))
Swap characters after blue or purple plan drop (the cooldown for blues is one hour per character). I would also suggest to swap characters after you start getting white furnishing plans. Slot “Homemaker” green CP star.
OTHER LONG-TERM ACTIVITIES:
- doing Museum quests for unique furnishing items and costumes ( https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Museums )
- farming bound collectibles fragments in public dungeons (https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Online:Fragments)
- digging mythics and other antiquities (wolfie mount, music box, dance emote, face and body markings, cosmetics, and fancy furnishings, as there are many great-looking Antiquities furnishings)
- do the surveys and refine as much as you can to stock up your CraftBag (ideally to hold up till the next ESO+ free event)
- DO THE SOLO ARENAS: the Maelstrom Arena weapons are still great, also the Vateshran Hollows weapons are good and achievements (unlocking skin and dyes may be done on a veteran difficulty).
BlackRose Prison weapons are also good, but you would prefer to go with friend(s), as this group arena is noticeably harder than the soloable nDSA.
(reminder: Curated drops in Arenas work only on the final chest)
Completing veteran MA unlocks Maelstrom Baron polymorph, completing veteran VH unlocks Void Pathosis skin.
TIP: Set up your priorities!
As there are a LOT of things to be done and time is the essence, I’d suggest getting instant freebies first (it takes less than an hour) and then focus on what you consider the most important (like mythics, or trial/dungeons gear, or some free stuff requiring questing, or dailies, or just exploration, etc) as this depends on what brings you the most fun. The ESO is a MMO game, after all!
Be sure to check the comprehensive list of collectibles compiled by Benevolent Bowd (benevolentbowd):
https://benevolentbowd.ca/games/esotu/eso-making-the-most-of-it/
http://benevolentbowd.ca/games/esotu/esotu-unlockable-collectibles/
Friendly reminder: collectibles, mementos, emotes, dyes and currencies are account-wide.
If I have missed anything essential (I intentionally omitted Base Game, Vvardenfell and Imperial City things as they do not depend on ESO+), please, post that in the comments to help making this guide better. Thank you.
Good luck, friends.
Have fun
P.S. FAQ: the most frequent questions are:
- How to activate the ESO+ trial? - Normally the magic sequence is: inagme Crown Store, select the ESO Plus tab, select “Free Trial!” ( official instructionhttps://www.elderscrollsonline.com/en-us/news/post/66079 ) - How long does it last? - Normally seven days. Check the official site for precise information. Event ends on June 19 14:00 UTC - is this once in a lifetime promotion? - No. You can participate in all the subsequent ESO+ free trial events whenever they happen - How often such promotions do happen? – it is hard to say, normally 2-3 times a year, but there are no schedule and warranties. - I am already subscribed. Do I benefit from this event? - Not really. - Does this week adds to existing subscriptions? – Nope. - Does free ESO+ trial unlocks Warden & Necromancer classes ?– Nope. - How long does it take to pick up all of them instant loyalty rewards? - Normally less than an hour. - Any free mounts? - Ebon Dwarven Mount from Antiquities. There are also other mounts but it depends. Mounts are granted for trifectas DLC Trials achievements, but they are really hard to obtain, as it takes highly coordinated capable group to achieve vet HM speed-run no-death. Antiquties wolf mount could be unlocked in one week but this takes some serious no-lifing. :) - What will happen with the Craftbag? - it will go into “extract only” mode, you will not lose your materials. u/Kelinmiriel explained the order materials are consumed when crafting: the game uses 1) any stolen materials you're carrying, 2) materials from your craft bag, 3) non-stolen materials in your inventory. You have no choice about this. - Do I keep all these collectibles and items I have obtained? – Sure!
Stay safe, folx!
2024.06.07 20:40 coolcarl3 Against Metaphysics by way of Scientism
When debating with a critic who adheres to scientism (someone who believes scientific knowledge is the only truth ie scientism), they often insist that no metaphysical or logical arguments are valid in discovering true things. This post will address the problems with this line of thinking specifically. This is not an attack on any “lack of belief” positions, but against scientism and those who would use it as a refutation of metaphysical arguments.
First, whether or not metaphysical arguments (such as those for the existence of God, substance dualism, etc.) are valid ways to arrive at truth is part of what’s being debated. For the critic to counter such arguments with, “metaphysics can’t get you to truth” is not a fair argument (it just affirms the conclusion of scientism, but that’s what we’re debating) unless he can substantiate the scientism he’s using to refute us. He can’t do so with a metaphysical argument about reality, that would be self-refuting. And the most well-known critique about scientism is that that claim itself isn't a claim of science. Often, the critic will simply assert that any argument establishing substance dualism (for example), is invalid. Why is it invalid? Because the critic says so, pay no mind to whether scientism is even true. I’d recommend this post by u/Archeidos about the null hypothesis to see how that applies to an assertion of scientism.
Consider this quote from Edward Feser’s response to Paul Churchland’s critique of substance dualism
From the same response:
Whether the metaphysician has established their conclusion depends on the argument presented, not on the stipulations of the critic. Scientism is not a default (metaphysical) position we should adopt without question. Unless the critic can show why their position is correct (in a non-question-begging way), they cannot dictate which forms of knowledge are valid to undermine metaphysical arguments without properly addressing them.
The scientistic (kind of rightfully) is worried about how to falsify metaphysical arguments, “if it can't be falsified (they mean by empiricism specifically) then it doesn't matter.” But that isn't the way to falsify metaphysical arguments, you have to critique the logical structure and truth of the premises. In other words, study your metaphysics and play up.
I’ll conclude with another quote from Feser (yes there is a pattern):
But so far as the scientism proponent won't (or cannot) debate the metaphysics in this way, he cannot affirm his own position as a kind of refutation, or even worse, as a default position.
submitted by coolcarl3 to DebateReligion [link] [comments]
First, whether or not metaphysical arguments (such as those for the existence of God, substance dualism, etc.) are valid ways to arrive at truth is part of what’s being debated. For the critic to counter such arguments with, “metaphysics can’t get you to truth” is not a fair argument (it just affirms the conclusion of scientism, but that’s what we’re debating) unless he can substantiate the scientism he’s using to refute us. He can’t do so with a metaphysical argument about reality, that would be self-refuting. And the most well-known critique about scientism is that that claim itself isn't a claim of science. Often, the critic will simply assert that any argument establishing substance dualism (for example), is invalid. Why is it invalid? Because the critic says so, pay no mind to whether scientism is even true. I’d recommend this post by u/Archeidos about the null hypothesis to see how that applies to an assertion of scientism.
Consider this quote from Edward Feser’s response to Paul Churchland’s critique of substance dualism
"Of course, Churchland, committed as he is to a Quinean form of scientism, thinks that all good theories must in some sense be empirical scientific theories. He rejects the traditional conception of metaphysics as a rational field of study distinct from and more fundamental than physics, chemistry, biology, and the like, and would deny that there is any such thing as sound metaphysical reasoning that is not in some way a mere extension of empirical hypothesis formation. But he cannot simply assume all of this in the present context without begging the question, because this sort of scientism is precisely (part of) what the dualist denies."This leads to the next problem: critics who use scientism as their position often misapply scientific critique to metaphysical arguments. When dualism or theism is established via metaphysical demonstration, the critic will critique it as if it’s a scientific hypothesis, looking for the “best explanation” of empirical evidence. But this is not what the metaphysician is doing. Whether the dualist (or theist) establishes the mind as immaterial, for instance, depends on the truth of the premises and the logical validity of the conclusion. If the critic responds with Ockham's Razor or other scientific criteria, they miss the point and make a category mistake.
From the same response:
"When Andrew Wiles first claimed – correctly, as it turned out – to have proven Fermat’s Last Theorem, it would have been ridiculous to evaluate his purported proof by asking whether it best accounts for the empirical evidence, or is the 'best explanation' among all the alternatives, or comports with Ockham’s razor. Anyone who asked such questions would simply be making a category mistake, and showing himself to be uninformed about the nature of mathematical reasoning. It is equally ridiculous, equally uninformed, equally a category mistake, to respond to Plato’s affinity argument, or Aristotle’s and Aquinas’s argument from the nature of knowledge, or Descartes’ clear and distinct perception argument, or the Cartesian-Leibnizian-Kantian unity of consciousness argument, or Swinburne’s or Hart’s modal arguments, or James Ross’s argument from the indeterminacy of the physical , by asking such questions. As with a purported mathematical demonstration, one can reasonably attempt to show that one or more of the premises of such metaphysical arguments are false, or that the conclusion does not follow. But doing so will not involve the sorts of considerations one might bring to bear on the evaluation of a hypothesis in chemistry or biology."The same is true if the critic says, “Well why can’t we touch/test/examine xyz thing,” or, “This conclusion is only probably true, but will only be ‘verified’ after it's subjected to empirical testing.” That isn’t how deduction works. The conclusion isn’t conditional (as long as it follows logically). If we reach the conclusion, that’s the end of it. It isn’t “probably true.” This also applies to the misuse of the term “God of the gaps” as a catch-all argument against theistic positions. "God of the gaps" is a specific fallacy, not a universal rebuttal.
Whether the metaphysician has established their conclusion depends on the argument presented, not on the stipulations of the critic. Scientism is not a default (metaphysical) position we should adopt without question. Unless the critic can show why their position is correct (in a non-question-begging way), they cannot dictate which forms of knowledge are valid to undermine metaphysical arguments without properly addressing them.
The scientistic (kind of rightfully) is worried about how to falsify metaphysical arguments, “if it can't be falsified (they mean by empiricism specifically) then it doesn't matter.” But that isn't the way to falsify metaphysical arguments, you have to critique the logical structure and truth of the premises. In other words, study your metaphysics and play up.
I’ll conclude with another quote from Feser (yes there is a pattern):
"New Atheist types will insist that there can be no rationally acceptable and testable arguments that are not empirical scientific arguments, but this just begs the question. The Scholastic claims to have given such arguments, and to show that he is wrong, it does not suffice merely to stomp one’s feet and insist dogmatically that it can’t be done. The critic has to show precisely where such arguments are in error—exactly which premise or premises are false, or exactly where there is a fallacy committed in the reasoning. Moreover, as we have seen, the New Atheist refutes himself in claiming that only the methods of natural science are legitimate, for this assertion itself has no non-question-begging scientific justification. It is merely one piece of metaphysics among others. The difference between the New Atheist metaphysician and the Scholastic metaphysician is that the Scholastic knows that he is doing metaphysics and presents arguments for his metaphysical positions which are open to rational evaluation."Here is a post of an atheist demonstrating the first way from Aquinas. Throughout the post and in the replies OP defends the argument and why he doesn't ultimately accept it by using his metaphysics. This is the way.
But so far as the scientism proponent won't (or cannot) debate the metaphysics in this way, he cannot affirm his own position as a kind of refutation, or even worse, as a default position.
2024.06.07 20:38 Abelardthebard Nyrheim: Then & Now, or How I Handle History
Hello worldbuilders!
Lately I've been working on the 'History' section of my lore book for The Duchy of Nyrheim, and I came up with a method I really like and thought I'd share it with you. I got the idea while reading some Marvel comics -- I've been collecting the best runs of the 2000s (happy to take recs) and noticed something interesting. When dealing with a story that has roots in Marvel's past (or even if they are writing those past events for the story at hand), they will often start with a flashback simply titled "Then" before shifting to a scene in the present titled "Now". I haven't to imagine that part of why they do this is the sliding time scale. But something about the simplicity of it all really spoke to me.
When writing the history of the region, I wanted a way to separate the events that have happened long ago from those whose impacts are being felt strongly in the present. These terms have helped me get there. I'm a little generous with the term "now..." which I use to cover the past 400 years or so, you can obviously set whatever threshold you like. But you can use this to set up some pretty exciting stories -- Then: Isildur killed Sauron, Now: It's Bilbo Baggins' eleventy-first birthday. It also maybe characterizes what may inform what are the ruins, treasures, or dungeons of your setting and what are the everyday societies and cultures found in the urban environments.
One last thing I'll add, I always include how many years ago something was and not just the date. If you are making your own timeline, the dates may just look like vague numbers to readers/players. By telling them how long ago something was, it puts it in relative terms they are more ready to understand. You can even use this method and be pretty vague about dates if you aren't ready to lock a timeline hard in stone. One version I had prior to this just used headings like "About 400 years ago", but I'd never break it down in increments less than 100s of years.
Here's what I've got right now for my setting, happy to expand on any information or answer any questions in the comments below! What would be the highlights of the Then & Now of your settings?
FALL OF THE FEY
Over 2,600 Years Ago (100s BCE)... For thousands of years, Elyndel's northwestern lands (then called Faen'tir) were dominated by elven tribes with other fey and kobolds scattered throughout the region. Though most of their conflict was with unseelie, giants, and humans, there was also scarce political unity between the elves. The Old Antum Empire, however, emerged from a collection of human tribes in the south. At the dawn of thew millenium, the Emperor's legions attacked with iron and fire against the might and magic of the fey. This conflict, known at "The Feywars" forever tipped the scales of power in Elyndel.
RISE OF RAYONNÉ
Over 2,300 Years Ago (200s CE)... Rayonné, was founded under the influence of the Antum Empire and quickly became a crucial trade hub. Strategically located on an island within a major river, Rayonné's natural defenses and prime location facilitated its rapid growth, even though it wouldn't even become the capital of Floren for over 2,000 years. The Antum Empire invested heavily in the city's infrastructure, constructing grand structures such as an amphitheater, public baths, and majestic temples. They also encouraged migration to the new city by offering incentives such as land grants and tax breaks to new freemasons.
SINKING OF MYR
Over 2,000 Years Ago (500s CE)... To escape political strife and external threats, many elves of Westernor began to emigrate to Brynthal. They brought with them a revival of their fey culture and arcane wisdom, establishing a thriving community in the region. Off the coast they built Myr, a magnificent island city built protected by enchanted barriers. However a warlock's dark pact led to the city's destruction, sinking Myr and its inhabitants into the abyss. The island's ruins, now a haunting legend of the deep, are a lure to adventurers seeking its lost treasures and secrets.
SHADOWS IN THE WEST
Over 1,700 Years Ago (800s CE)... After ravaging eastern and central Elyndel, Grotar the "Scourge of Orcus" turned his focus westward. General Gaius Tullarix of Old Antum was tasked with defending the region against the invading Shadow Horde and its ogre warlord. Recognizing the threat, General Tullarix rallied a broad coalition of various tribes in the Empire to confront the invaders. They clashed near Véreluce in northeastern Floren, fighting fiercely for hours without yielding. However, faced with staunch resistance and severe casualties, the Shadow Horde retreated, forcing Grotar to forgo his aspirations of conquests in the west.
OUT OF THE EMPIRE
Over 1,400 Years Ago (1100s CE)... After the collapse of Old Antum, the region fell into chaos. Afterward, humans of the Floren tribe moved in from the east. The Fontainian family, under the leadership of King Tharic, united the disparate tribes and transformed the region into the formidable Floren kingdom. Following Thalric's death, the Fontainain dynasty faced internal strife and political fragmentation, as his successors struggled to maintain the unity he had forged. This period saw a kaleidoscope of petty kingdoms, each vying for power and influence. But despite these challenges, the Fontainians managed to preserve their hegemony for centuries.
UNDYING ALLEGIENCE
Over 1,100 Years Ago (1400s CE)... King Calixte I's death divided Floren again: Prince Calixte II inherited the north and Princess Sera the south. When Calixte II slew the dragon Jarghul, he drew the interest of a valkyrie who had come for the fallen. The while, Sera was murdered by her power-hungry husband. Seeking vengeance, Calixte II turned to necromancy, creating an army where fallen foes would serve him in death. The valkyrie, now known as The Wild Hunt, gifted him a spark of her power, and just when they seized the south, the gods imprisoned her for oath breaking. Calixte II was later killed by agents of his brother-in-law's mistress.
DIVINITY AND DYNASTY
Over 800 Years Ago (1700s CE)... The Loralian Dynasty in Floren has roots tracing back to Gaston Loralian I, a chief household officer to the Fontainian kings. The family gradually gained power as the royal family's influence waned (they were derogatorily dubbed as "do-nothing kings"). The critical shift occurred when Gaston III, with the support of the Pontifex, deposed the last Fontainian king. The church then crowned him as the king of Floren, establishing a precedent the divine right of kings, a principle that would heavily influence Elyndean politics thereafter. This coronation also ensured protection for the emergent Sacral-Antum Empire against invasions.
THE NORTHERN RAIDERS
Over 500 Years Ago (2000s CE)... At the turn of the millennium, dwarves of the north begin a campaign of large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest, and trading along the northern shores of mainland Elyndel. To counter the raids, the Floren King Etienne I ceded the Cormorin Peninsula to the neighboring elven duchy of Brynthal in exchange for military aid. However, the elven magics faltered, and the dwarven berserkers further entrenched themselves as a new, formidable power in the region. Within a century, the raids shifted from a seasonal occurrence to a constant stream.
A DWARVEN DUCHY
410 Years Ago (2177 CE)... During the height of the dwarven raids, an ambitious dwarf named Rolf led a fleet into the heart of the Floren Kingdom. After a brutal but costly assault, Rolf attempted to flee from the Floren cavalry, but was unable to board his ships. Instead, he formed a defensive wall by slaughtering his army's livestock. The enemy charge halted as their horses were terrified by the sight and stench. Stuck in a stalemate, the Florens decided to negotiate with the dwarves. In exchange for peace, the King Etienne III ceded the lands from Roann to the north coast. Rolf was crowned as the duke and given the name “Lionheart” for his bravery.
THE QUEEN'S CAPTIVE
232 Years Ago (2355 CE)... After Duke Rolf's death, the Floren Queen Aveline II betrayed her predecessor's pact with the dwarves by confining Rolf's daughter, Eyma, in Rayonné and seizing the duchy's lands. This sparked a revolt among her supporters, who stormed Aveline's palace and demanded her freedom. Eventually Aveline, claiming she was teaching her courtly manners, reluctantly released her. A decade later, Eyma and her allies defeated Queen Aveline in battle. She held her hostage until she recognized her as Duchess of Nyrheim, restoring her rule over the duchy.
TREASURE AND TREACHERY
109 Years Ago (2478 CE)... Dwarven raids on Alwyndon resumed, with raiders crossing the northern channel to Nyrheim where they sold their plunder. Duchess Eyma, defying a treaty her father Duke Rolf had signed with High King Brady of Alwyndon, secretly provided sanctuary to these raiders. This breach of agreement provoked an Alwyndan military response. King Brady ordered an attack on the Cormorin Peninsula, demanding Eyma's capture and extradition. However, the Alwyndan forces were unprepared for the swift and fierce counterattack by the Nyrman cavalry, resulting in their complete and utter defeat.
A SUDDEN DEATH
88 Years Ago (2499 CE)... When Duchess Eyma died, her daughter Ylvana took power and immediately implemented harsh reforms to solidify her authority, cloaked as measures to strengthen the duchy. Appalled by her tyranny, her younger brother Harek attempted a rebellion but failed. Ylvana captured him and in a show of "mercy", publicly amputated his left hand before forcing him to reaffirm his loyalty. Soon after returning to Roann, Ylvana met a mysterious sudden death, rumored to be from poisoning — suspicions fell on disgruntled nobles, her advisors, or even Harek. Ultimately viewed as a martyr, Harek ascended to the ducal throne, stabilizing the region.
FLIGHT FROM ALWYNDON
62 Years Ago (2525 CE)... Duke Harek orchestrated a major trade pact with Alwyndon, marrying his younger sister Marnyl to the King Adalwulf of Kelden. Out of these new bonds, the Maritime Freight Guild was born, which proved its worth a decade later when Sven "Stormcloak" and his forces invaded Kelden. As the situation deteriorated, Queen Marnyl and her family escaped on the last trade ships out of the country. In Nyrheim, they remained under Duke Harek's protection. When the King eventually passed, Marnyl was stationed as the Countess of Roann. There, she raised her sons in a noble court and prepared them for leadership.
THE DUKE'S BASTARD
34 Years Ago (2548 CE)... During one of his sojourns, Duke Harek was ensnared in a passionate affair. Though fleeting, the liaison bore fruit in the form of an illegitimate son—Waldron. The identity of his mother has been the subject of much speculation, but her identity remains unknown. Meanwhile, Waldron grew up amidst speculative whispers and the weight of expectation. The duke's court, a place where honor and lineage are held in the highest regard, viewed him with a mixture of curiosity and disdain. Yet, Duke Harek, with a defiance that had characterized his reign, acknowledged Waldron as his son and sole heir.
ERRS IN SUCCESSION
17 Years Ago (2570 CE)... In Floren, Prince Etienne V joined forces with his younger brother Adnot and their mother in a revolt against his father, the reigning king. However, following the king's demise, Queen Urilla shifted her support to Adnot as the rightful heir, leaving Etienne V to contend with his rebel sibling and a divided kingdom. Seeking support, Etienne turned to Nyrheim and found an ally in Duke Harek. Grateful for the duke's aid during this turbulent period, the newly established King Etienne V rewarded Harek with the counties of Martovia and Vinmoria, strengthening the bonds between Nyrheim and the Floren crown.
PRINCES OF THE PENTARCHY
This Year (2587 CE)... With the full might of his navy, Duke Harek launched an invasion of Kelden, aiming to restore the now elderly princes to their throne. Tragically, Prince Adalwulf II was captured by an earl in his kingdom. In a cruel act intended to disqualify him from kingship, Finnian brutally blinded him with red-hot pokers -- the prince later died from his grievous injuries. In the wake of this tragedy, Prince Edmund, rallied the thegns of Alwyndon and defeated Sven Stormcloak's forces with the crucial support of Duke Harek. Their victory led to the the reestablishment of the five kingdoms under the Alwyndan Pentarchy.
submitted by Abelardthebard to worldbuilding [link] [comments]
Lately I've been working on the 'History' section of my lore book for The Duchy of Nyrheim, and I came up with a method I really like and thought I'd share it with you. I got the idea while reading some Marvel comics -- I've been collecting the best runs of the 2000s (happy to take recs) and noticed something interesting. When dealing with a story that has roots in Marvel's past (or even if they are writing those past events for the story at hand), they will often start with a flashback simply titled "Then" before shifting to a scene in the present titled "Now". I haven't to imagine that part of why they do this is the sliding time scale. But something about the simplicity of it all really spoke to me.
When writing the history of the region, I wanted a way to separate the events that have happened long ago from those whose impacts are being felt strongly in the present. These terms have helped me get there. I'm a little generous with the term "now..." which I use to cover the past 400 years or so, you can obviously set whatever threshold you like. But you can use this to set up some pretty exciting stories -- Then: Isildur killed Sauron, Now: It's Bilbo Baggins' eleventy-first birthday. It also maybe characterizes what may inform what are the ruins, treasures, or dungeons of your setting and what are the everyday societies and cultures found in the urban environments.
One last thing I'll add, I always include how many years ago something was and not just the date. If you are making your own timeline, the dates may just look like vague numbers to readers/players. By telling them how long ago something was, it puts it in relative terms they are more ready to understand. You can even use this method and be pretty vague about dates if you aren't ready to lock a timeline hard in stone. One version I had prior to this just used headings like "About 400 years ago", but I'd never break it down in increments less than 100s of years.
Here's what I've got right now for my setting, happy to expand on any information or answer any questions in the comments below! What would be the highlights of the Then & Now of your settings?
Then...
Explore the origins of the region, from ancient fey dominions through epic conquests and the rule of Nyrheim's first dwarven dukes. This section covers events from The Dark Age that occurred across the lands that now make up the north of the Floren Kingdom.FALL OF THE FEY
Over 2,600 Years Ago (100s BCE)... For thousands of years, Elyndel's northwestern lands (then called Faen'tir) were dominated by elven tribes with other fey and kobolds scattered throughout the region. Though most of their conflict was with unseelie, giants, and humans, there was also scarce political unity between the elves. The Old Antum Empire, however, emerged from a collection of human tribes in the south. At the dawn of thew millenium, the Emperor's legions attacked with iron and fire against the might and magic of the fey. This conflict, known at "The Feywars" forever tipped the scales of power in Elyndel.
RISE OF RAYONNÉ
Over 2,300 Years Ago (200s CE)... Rayonné, was founded under the influence of the Antum Empire and quickly became a crucial trade hub. Strategically located on an island within a major river, Rayonné's natural defenses and prime location facilitated its rapid growth, even though it wouldn't even become the capital of Floren for over 2,000 years. The Antum Empire invested heavily in the city's infrastructure, constructing grand structures such as an amphitheater, public baths, and majestic temples. They also encouraged migration to the new city by offering incentives such as land grants and tax breaks to new freemasons.
SINKING OF MYR
Over 2,000 Years Ago (500s CE)... To escape political strife and external threats, many elves of Westernor began to emigrate to Brynthal. They brought with them a revival of their fey culture and arcane wisdom, establishing a thriving community in the region. Off the coast they built Myr, a magnificent island city built protected by enchanted barriers. However a warlock's dark pact led to the city's destruction, sinking Myr and its inhabitants into the abyss. The island's ruins, now a haunting legend of the deep, are a lure to adventurers seeking its lost treasures and secrets.
SHADOWS IN THE WEST
Over 1,700 Years Ago (800s CE)... After ravaging eastern and central Elyndel, Grotar the "Scourge of Orcus" turned his focus westward. General Gaius Tullarix of Old Antum was tasked with defending the region against the invading Shadow Horde and its ogre warlord. Recognizing the threat, General Tullarix rallied a broad coalition of various tribes in the Empire to confront the invaders. They clashed near Véreluce in northeastern Floren, fighting fiercely for hours without yielding. However, faced with staunch resistance and severe casualties, the Shadow Horde retreated, forcing Grotar to forgo his aspirations of conquests in the west.
OUT OF THE EMPIRE
Over 1,400 Years Ago (1100s CE)... After the collapse of Old Antum, the region fell into chaos. Afterward, humans of the Floren tribe moved in from the east. The Fontainian family, under the leadership of King Tharic, united the disparate tribes and transformed the region into the formidable Floren kingdom. Following Thalric's death, the Fontainain dynasty faced internal strife and political fragmentation, as his successors struggled to maintain the unity he had forged. This period saw a kaleidoscope of petty kingdoms, each vying for power and influence. But despite these challenges, the Fontainians managed to preserve their hegemony for centuries.
UNDYING ALLEGIENCE
Over 1,100 Years Ago (1400s CE)... King Calixte I's death divided Floren again: Prince Calixte II inherited the north and Princess Sera the south. When Calixte II slew the dragon Jarghul, he drew the interest of a valkyrie who had come for the fallen. The while, Sera was murdered by her power-hungry husband. Seeking vengeance, Calixte II turned to necromancy, creating an army where fallen foes would serve him in death. The valkyrie, now known as The Wild Hunt, gifted him a spark of her power, and just when they seized the south, the gods imprisoned her for oath breaking. Calixte II was later killed by agents of his brother-in-law's mistress.
DIVINITY AND DYNASTY
Over 800 Years Ago (1700s CE)... The Loralian Dynasty in Floren has roots tracing back to Gaston Loralian I, a chief household officer to the Fontainian kings. The family gradually gained power as the royal family's influence waned (they were derogatorily dubbed as "do-nothing kings"). The critical shift occurred when Gaston III, with the support of the Pontifex, deposed the last Fontainian king. The church then crowned him as the king of Floren, establishing a precedent the divine right of kings, a principle that would heavily influence Elyndean politics thereafter. This coronation also ensured protection for the emergent Sacral-Antum Empire against invasions.
THE NORTHERN RAIDERS
Over 500 Years Ago (2000s CE)... At the turn of the millennium, dwarves of the north begin a campaign of large-scale raiding, colonizing, conquest, and trading along the northern shores of mainland Elyndel. To counter the raids, the Floren King Etienne I ceded the Cormorin Peninsula to the neighboring elven duchy of Brynthal in exchange for military aid. However, the elven magics faltered, and the dwarven berserkers further entrenched themselves as a new, formidable power in the region. Within a century, the raids shifted from a seasonal occurrence to a constant stream.
Now...
As the Age of Enlightenment dawned, the dwarves of settling in Nyrheim navigated the tides of Floren politics, forging alliances and asserting their influence across the north. The events that transpired during these transformative years have left an indelible mark on the region's history and people.A DWARVEN DUCHY
410 Years Ago (2177 CE)... During the height of the dwarven raids, an ambitious dwarf named Rolf led a fleet into the heart of the Floren Kingdom. After a brutal but costly assault, Rolf attempted to flee from the Floren cavalry, but was unable to board his ships. Instead, he formed a defensive wall by slaughtering his army's livestock. The enemy charge halted as their horses were terrified by the sight and stench. Stuck in a stalemate, the Florens decided to negotiate with the dwarves. In exchange for peace, the King Etienne III ceded the lands from Roann to the north coast. Rolf was crowned as the duke and given the name “Lionheart” for his bravery.
THE QUEEN'S CAPTIVE
232 Years Ago (2355 CE)... After Duke Rolf's death, the Floren Queen Aveline II betrayed her predecessor's pact with the dwarves by confining Rolf's daughter, Eyma, in Rayonné and seizing the duchy's lands. This sparked a revolt among her supporters, who stormed Aveline's palace and demanded her freedom. Eventually Aveline, claiming she was teaching her courtly manners, reluctantly released her. A decade later, Eyma and her allies defeated Queen Aveline in battle. She held her hostage until she recognized her as Duchess of Nyrheim, restoring her rule over the duchy.
TREASURE AND TREACHERY
109 Years Ago (2478 CE)... Dwarven raids on Alwyndon resumed, with raiders crossing the northern channel to Nyrheim where they sold their plunder. Duchess Eyma, defying a treaty her father Duke Rolf had signed with High King Brady of Alwyndon, secretly provided sanctuary to these raiders. This breach of agreement provoked an Alwyndan military response. King Brady ordered an attack on the Cormorin Peninsula, demanding Eyma's capture and extradition. However, the Alwyndan forces were unprepared for the swift and fierce counterattack by the Nyrman cavalry, resulting in their complete and utter defeat.
A SUDDEN DEATH
88 Years Ago (2499 CE)... When Duchess Eyma died, her daughter Ylvana took power and immediately implemented harsh reforms to solidify her authority, cloaked as measures to strengthen the duchy. Appalled by her tyranny, her younger brother Harek attempted a rebellion but failed. Ylvana captured him and in a show of "mercy", publicly amputated his left hand before forcing him to reaffirm his loyalty. Soon after returning to Roann, Ylvana met a mysterious sudden death, rumored to be from poisoning — suspicions fell on disgruntled nobles, her advisors, or even Harek. Ultimately viewed as a martyr, Harek ascended to the ducal throne, stabilizing the region.
FLIGHT FROM ALWYNDON
62 Years Ago (2525 CE)... Duke Harek orchestrated a major trade pact with Alwyndon, marrying his younger sister Marnyl to the King Adalwulf of Kelden. Out of these new bonds, the Maritime Freight Guild was born, which proved its worth a decade later when Sven "Stormcloak" and his forces invaded Kelden. As the situation deteriorated, Queen Marnyl and her family escaped on the last trade ships out of the country. In Nyrheim, they remained under Duke Harek's protection. When the King eventually passed, Marnyl was stationed as the Countess of Roann. There, she raised her sons in a noble court and prepared them for leadership.
THE DUKE'S BASTARD
34 Years Ago (2548 CE)... During one of his sojourns, Duke Harek was ensnared in a passionate affair. Though fleeting, the liaison bore fruit in the form of an illegitimate son—Waldron. The identity of his mother has been the subject of much speculation, but her identity remains unknown. Meanwhile, Waldron grew up amidst speculative whispers and the weight of expectation. The duke's court, a place where honor and lineage are held in the highest regard, viewed him with a mixture of curiosity and disdain. Yet, Duke Harek, with a defiance that had characterized his reign, acknowledged Waldron as his son and sole heir.
ERRS IN SUCCESSION
17 Years Ago (2570 CE)... In Floren, Prince Etienne V joined forces with his younger brother Adnot and their mother in a revolt against his father, the reigning king. However, following the king's demise, Queen Urilla shifted her support to Adnot as the rightful heir, leaving Etienne V to contend with his rebel sibling and a divided kingdom. Seeking support, Etienne turned to Nyrheim and found an ally in Duke Harek. Grateful for the duke's aid during this turbulent period, the newly established King Etienne V rewarded Harek with the counties of Martovia and Vinmoria, strengthening the bonds between Nyrheim and the Floren crown.
PRINCES OF THE PENTARCHY
This Year (2587 CE)... With the full might of his navy, Duke Harek launched an invasion of Kelden, aiming to restore the now elderly princes to their throne. Tragically, Prince Adalwulf II was captured by an earl in his kingdom. In a cruel act intended to disqualify him from kingship, Finnian brutally blinded him with red-hot pokers -- the prince later died from his grievous injuries. In the wake of this tragedy, Prince Edmund, rallied the thegns of Alwyndon and defeated Sven Stormcloak's forces with the crucial support of Duke Harek. Their victory led to the the reestablishment of the five kingdoms under the Alwyndan Pentarchy.
2024.06.07 20:36 Huge-Animal-8818 The Remnants of Terra - Part 10
CUSTODIAN MATRIX NEURO-MNEMONIC RECORDING
USER ENTRY: MORGAN NGANGA
AUTHORIZATION CODE: ENKIDU
MEMORY PROVIDER: CAPTAIN JON’FALIS
The sunlight tickles my skin as if it were liquid fire. I am sitting on a cliff overlooking the vast wilderness of an unnamed planet. A few smoke columns dot the horizon, as the hunter-gatherer societies of this world prepare for the night. After all, this was a night of celebration, the anniversary of the coming of the Red Sword.
I raise my eyes towards the blue skies, no cloud in sight. The star, Kilora, shone with vigour only a younger star could like the star of my home system did at the time of my parents. The blue was nearly a perfect clear slate for the star, were it not for the red dash of light singed across the sky, faint in the daylight, but visible. The locals, a reptilian species with four eyes started worshipping the light as a supposed sign of their deity, the Flamesinger.
I knew it wasn’t. But it wasn’t a comet either. I knew it, and so did the so-called Flamesinger, lying in the grass next to me, his arms still wearing his armour, his eyes closed.
“Gilgamesh, how can you be so nonchalant?”
“I’m resting before the battle Enkidu. You should too”, said the last Elysian.
I couldn’t help but sigh and get up, turning to head towards my ship, the Spartan Wolf. It was currently green, with the camouflage module active. It was practically invisible to the natives. As I entered the ship, the familiar fragrance of the flowers in my terrarium welcomed me. It was a flower native to Terra, and I could feel an amazing sense of belonging every time I smelled it. This ship was my home away from home. The walls were adorned with the memories of my previous selves, a thousand adventures, recorded both within the matrix and my vessel. It was small, with only one small bed, currently messy with disks and a few books.
Gilgamesh never understood why I went to such lengths to maintain this ship. After all, he was able to withstand the void, and I was probably also able to do so, by using psionic abilities. But this vessel allowed me to be myself. To be more than just Enkidu. This was the home of Morgan Nganga.
It made me human.
I sit on the control chair and start the system check until eventually a loud bang echoes through my ship as someone hits the hull. Gilgamesh’s head pops through the door and he asks me if I am ready, to which I reply, not able to prevent my eyes from rolling, that I have been ready for a long while. The hum of the engines replaces the quiet eeriness that anticipates the chaos, as the ship starts levitating, further and further away from the forested ground below. A couple of natives were looking in awe at the rumbling that was shaking the trees and the being, apparently standing in solid air, as my camouflage module was still active and the annoyance called Gilgamesh, my rival and probably only true friend, was still outside, standing on the hull.
We rise quickly towards the blue sky, which quickly turns black, with the nearby star dulling out any starlight from the vast galactic vista, apart from the red dash of light. Gilgamesh jumps off once the gravity is weaker and uses his psionic powers to propel himself forward, gesturing for me to hurry up and follow him.
I mutter an old human curse word, insulting his lineage, based on an old Terran animal called a goat. According to my previous memories, we stopped fighting around two million years ago. I couldn’t help but wonder why, as he was extremely obnoxious and quite violent, relishing in the chaos of battle.
I prepare to enter the hyper-lane that was going to take us towards the origin of the red scar and activate the hyper-drive, following the floating Elysian in front of me through the multi-coloured lane that allows us to travel faster than light, and soon enough, we reach our destination.
The Juk Juk Expansion Border, where a fierce battle had been going on for a few weeks, with hundreds of thousands of ships destroyed.
On one side, there was the current Galactic Community, or as this one called itself, the Galactic Senate. On the other side, the Juk Juk, one of the most technologically advanced empires in the last few million years, with an intense desire for galactic domination.
“Ants playing as gods”, said Gilgamesh’s mind within my own, “If the Elysians were still around, we would have long destroyed them. Even your kind, despite how weak you are, are lengths above these pretenders.”
I always ignored his insults against humanity. He was born out of hate and hate had been his reality for eons. And I believe he was still dealing with his defeat at the hands of the humans and the erasure of his entire species.
I turned off the Spartan Wolf and made my way towards the armoury, in the back of the ship. I entered my armour, the Morrigan Suit. It was a tungsten-titanium alloy with a psionic-nanite lattice overlay, drawing energy from my psionic abilities. It covered my entire body tightly with its silvery shine. On one hand, I had a Gauss cannon, and on the other, an energy shield. I checked both and exited the ship, nodding at Gilgamesh as we made our way towards the battle.
The battle is as chaotic as expected.
The Senate ships are on the defensive, preparing for a retreat until they catch us on their detection arrays.
As Gilgamesh pushes forward even faster, I send a psionic wave through the battlefield, informing the Senate ships that we are friendly and are here to help, reinforcing their minds with a simulated psionic emotion surge of hope.
Gilgamesh flies past them, faster than any fighter. He has his eyes locked on a Juk Juk cruiser and flies into it, penetrating its hull with ease. Inside, I can sense the fear of the Juk Juk crew as a giant maniac starts disintegrating them one by one, shredding the ship to pieces from the inside along the way.
I analyse the battle and notice a cruiser making its way towards the Senate flagship at full speed, its cannons locked on the bridge. I curse and throw my shield towards the flagship, which promptly envelops it in a layer of psionic energy, deflecting the blasts. I then point my Gauss Cannon at the Juk Juk cruiser and start overloading the cannon, as three acceleration rings appear in front of me. I fire the projectile, which, thanks to the acceleration rings, hits the cruiser at a speed 20% the speed of light, punching a massive through the ship.
This spectacle of power causes the Senate vessels to rally and I can hear their minds as they are all clamouring at the sight of a goddess from their mythology. An all-powerful being, sent here to deliver them from the Juk Juk.
“Not a goddess”, I say with my mind, sending the message throughout the galaxy, as my emotions flare up, making me lose control of my powers for a slight moment, “Just a human.”
The worship quiets down, and I hear within my mind the billions of souls say in unison, wonder permeating the word, turning it into something worth of worship.
“Human.”
Start of the Story
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submitted by Huge-Animal-8818 to HFY [link] [comments]
USER ENTRY: MORGAN NGANGA
AUTHORIZATION CODE: ENKIDU
MEMORY PROVIDER: CAPTAIN JON’FALIS
The sunlight tickles my skin as if it were liquid fire. I am sitting on a cliff overlooking the vast wilderness of an unnamed planet. A few smoke columns dot the horizon, as the hunter-gatherer societies of this world prepare for the night. After all, this was a night of celebration, the anniversary of the coming of the Red Sword.
I raise my eyes towards the blue skies, no cloud in sight. The star, Kilora, shone with vigour only a younger star could like the star of my home system did at the time of my parents. The blue was nearly a perfect clear slate for the star, were it not for the red dash of light singed across the sky, faint in the daylight, but visible. The locals, a reptilian species with four eyes started worshipping the light as a supposed sign of their deity, the Flamesinger.
I knew it wasn’t. But it wasn’t a comet either. I knew it, and so did the so-called Flamesinger, lying in the grass next to me, his arms still wearing his armour, his eyes closed.
“Gilgamesh, how can you be so nonchalant?”
“I’m resting before the battle Enkidu. You should too”, said the last Elysian.
I couldn’t help but sigh and get up, turning to head towards my ship, the Spartan Wolf. It was currently green, with the camouflage module active. It was practically invisible to the natives. As I entered the ship, the familiar fragrance of the flowers in my terrarium welcomed me. It was a flower native to Terra, and I could feel an amazing sense of belonging every time I smelled it. This ship was my home away from home. The walls were adorned with the memories of my previous selves, a thousand adventures, recorded both within the matrix and my vessel. It was small, with only one small bed, currently messy with disks and a few books.
Gilgamesh never understood why I went to such lengths to maintain this ship. After all, he was able to withstand the void, and I was probably also able to do so, by using psionic abilities. But this vessel allowed me to be myself. To be more than just Enkidu. This was the home of Morgan Nganga.
It made me human.
I sit on the control chair and start the system check until eventually a loud bang echoes through my ship as someone hits the hull. Gilgamesh’s head pops through the door and he asks me if I am ready, to which I reply, not able to prevent my eyes from rolling, that I have been ready for a long while. The hum of the engines replaces the quiet eeriness that anticipates the chaos, as the ship starts levitating, further and further away from the forested ground below. A couple of natives were looking in awe at the rumbling that was shaking the trees and the being, apparently standing in solid air, as my camouflage module was still active and the annoyance called Gilgamesh, my rival and probably only true friend, was still outside, standing on the hull.
We rise quickly towards the blue sky, which quickly turns black, with the nearby star dulling out any starlight from the vast galactic vista, apart from the red dash of light. Gilgamesh jumps off once the gravity is weaker and uses his psionic powers to propel himself forward, gesturing for me to hurry up and follow him.
I mutter an old human curse word, insulting his lineage, based on an old Terran animal called a goat. According to my previous memories, we stopped fighting around two million years ago. I couldn’t help but wonder why, as he was extremely obnoxious and quite violent, relishing in the chaos of battle.
I prepare to enter the hyper-lane that was going to take us towards the origin of the red scar and activate the hyper-drive, following the floating Elysian in front of me through the multi-coloured lane that allows us to travel faster than light, and soon enough, we reach our destination.
The Juk Juk Expansion Border, where a fierce battle had been going on for a few weeks, with hundreds of thousands of ships destroyed.
On one side, there was the current Galactic Community, or as this one called itself, the Galactic Senate. On the other side, the Juk Juk, one of the most technologically advanced empires in the last few million years, with an intense desire for galactic domination.
“Ants playing as gods”, said Gilgamesh’s mind within my own, “If the Elysians were still around, we would have long destroyed them. Even your kind, despite how weak you are, are lengths above these pretenders.”
I always ignored his insults against humanity. He was born out of hate and hate had been his reality for eons. And I believe he was still dealing with his defeat at the hands of the humans and the erasure of his entire species.
I turned off the Spartan Wolf and made my way towards the armoury, in the back of the ship. I entered my armour, the Morrigan Suit. It was a tungsten-titanium alloy with a psionic-nanite lattice overlay, drawing energy from my psionic abilities. It covered my entire body tightly with its silvery shine. On one hand, I had a Gauss cannon, and on the other, an energy shield. I checked both and exited the ship, nodding at Gilgamesh as we made our way towards the battle.
The battle is as chaotic as expected.
The Senate ships are on the defensive, preparing for a retreat until they catch us on their detection arrays.
As Gilgamesh pushes forward even faster, I send a psionic wave through the battlefield, informing the Senate ships that we are friendly and are here to help, reinforcing their minds with a simulated psionic emotion surge of hope.
Gilgamesh flies past them, faster than any fighter. He has his eyes locked on a Juk Juk cruiser and flies into it, penetrating its hull with ease. Inside, I can sense the fear of the Juk Juk crew as a giant maniac starts disintegrating them one by one, shredding the ship to pieces from the inside along the way.
I analyse the battle and notice a cruiser making its way towards the Senate flagship at full speed, its cannons locked on the bridge. I curse and throw my shield towards the flagship, which promptly envelops it in a layer of psionic energy, deflecting the blasts. I then point my Gauss Cannon at the Juk Juk cruiser and start overloading the cannon, as three acceleration rings appear in front of me. I fire the projectile, which, thanks to the acceleration rings, hits the cruiser at a speed 20% the speed of light, punching a massive through the ship.
This spectacle of power causes the Senate vessels to rally and I can hear their minds as they are all clamouring at the sight of a goddess from their mythology. An all-powerful being, sent here to deliver them from the Juk Juk.
“Not a goddess”, I say with my mind, sending the message throughout the galaxy, as my emotions flare up, making me lose control of my powers for a slight moment, “Just a human.”
The worship quiets down, and I hear within my mind the billions of souls say in unison, wonder permeating the word, turning it into something worth of worship.
“Human.”
Start of the Story
Previous
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2024.06.07 20:30 GrimaIsBestWaifu The Story of Book IV, According to FEH's Second Illustrations Book (JP Translated)
Hello everyone, GrimaIsBestWaifu here. As you might know, I am a massive fan of Book IV and its characters. Today marks around four years since I officially came around to Book IV after initially being a hater. Needless to say, as a Book IV nerd and enthusiast, I secured a copy of FEH's second art book at the first opportunity in order to further immerse myself in my passion. While it's an illustrations book first and foremost, I found the most value in the sections that went into detail about the lore, story, and characters of Books IV and V (but mostly IV, heh).
As of today, there is no official English version of this book, so non-Japanese readers are limited in how much information they can glean from it. This is a tragedy I can't abide, being heavily invested in FEH's story and wanting others to be able to appreciate it too, despite its flaws. There is also a decent chance that some information contained in this book will be changed or omitted in the official English version, so in that event I hope this might serve as an attestation to the "original" version. In this post, I intend to go over the section that describes the events that take place in Book IV's story. To see my translation of the section of the art book that expounds on Book IV's lore and characters, go here.
Disclaimer: I am not a native Japanese speaker, nor am I fluent in the language. English and Japanese are very different languages, so I will do my best to make things flow nicely in English while retaining as much of the original meaning as possible. Italicized text indicates my own speech, words that do not come from the book. The book's story recap is also told in past tense, but I use present tense in my translation here because I think it flows better and is easier to understand.
Chapter 1: The Dream One day, Alfonse and the others are summoned by Queen Henriette. According to her, an inexplicable incident has occurred in one of Askr's border villages in the wheat country where all its residents have fallen asleep. All efforts have been exhausted in attempting to save the sleeping villagers, who appear to be having nightmares, but none awaken. Henriette tasks them with investigating the sleep sickness there. The Order of Heroes complies, and after entrusting them with the Redolent Censer, she sends them off to the village with a smile. On the way to the village, Loki appears before the party and speaks in a way suggesting she may know something about the sleep sickness. It's possible she is planning something yet again...Alfonse and the others cautiously forge ahead.
As the Redolent Censer continuously burns with poison-nullifying incense, they arrive near the village. Sharena feels at ease and expresses gratitude towards her mother, who gave them the treasure in order to protect them. But in that moment of relaxation, she lets out a big yawn. Anna scolds her before stifling a yawn herself. Upon noticing this, Alfonse and Kiran are also beset by a fierce drowsiness, rendering them incapable of standing. By the time they realize the censer is ineffectual, it's already too late, and they are unable to resist closing their eyes...
Alfonse is with Henriette, along with Zacharias and Veronica. He is confused due to only having vague memories about why they are on a mission together. Suddenly, Zacharias attacks Henriette and corners Alfonse alongside Veronica.
Then, a girl abruptly appears and envelops the surrounding area in a dazzling light by reciting an incantation and prayer, causing Zacharias and Veronica to disappear. As Alfonse is yet again confused by the situation, the girl smiles brightly and says, "I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (This quote is transcribed from the official ENG script and is not a direct translation of the book's text, which uses the JP quote)
Chapter 2: Missing You (JP: One Person, Missing) The dream realm, álfar... Peony puffs out her cheeks when Alfonse cannot believe his ears. They regroup with Sharena and Anna, but Kiran is nowhere to be found. Even after following Peony's advice and trying to bend the dream world to their wishes, Kiran remains missing. Peony guides the party in their search for Kiran, claiming that the Dream-King Freyr could help.
While on the move, they fight off soldiers of nightmares, who are born from the fears of mortals and take on the forms of Heroes. Sharena also speaks with Peony about possibly having met before somewhere in the distant past. Peony responds that it might have been in a dream, and the two smile at one another, since they are quite similar and it appears they will get along well.
There a girl appears with black wings fluttering. She turns out to be Triandra, the Nightmare. As a dökkálfr from the realm of dark dreams, she is giving mortals nightmares under her liege's orders. Alfonse and the others confront Triandra when she tries to erase (In JP, the word for "erase"/"extinguish" is frequently used in place of "kill" when pertaining to the álfar) Peony. Triandra withdraws after being put at a disadvantage, stating that she won't give up.
Peony leads the group to a location with a large bed(s). Sleeping in a dream is the way to gain an audience with the Dream-King, so Sharena and Anna fall asleep. Before following their lead, Alfonse notices that he can't remember his childhood very well. Though that disquiets him, he nevertheless trusts Peony and closes his eyes. Peony is overjoyed at their faith in her as she watches them.
(In the ENG version, Sharena mentions that there are "many" beds, but the JP version doesn't make any indication of their number. Due to the fact that this art book previously mentions THREE adults being able to fit on one, it's possible that Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna all slept on it at the same time and that there is only one. However, the possibility that there are multiple of them remains open)
Chapter 3: Gullinkambi (JP: Horn of Gullinkambi) Alfonse and the others arrive in the realm of fantasy, the dream within the dream, by Peony's invitation. There stands Dream-King Freyr, who gives Alfonse the horn Gullinkambi. By remembering one's self from before falling asleep, wishing to return to the waking world, and blowing the horn, Alfonse and his party, along with the wheat country village's residents, can awaken. However, Freyr continues, stating that they must first drive back the two dökkálfar who have invaded Ljósálfheimr and are showing mortals nightmares. While offering his thanks, Alfonse asks about Kiran's whereabouts. However, even though he should know everything about the dream world, Freyr does not know where Kiran is, them being one who exists outside of the world's reason. He advises them that should they blow the horn, Kiran will also awaken. Thus, the party wakes up from the dream within the dream in order to begin their march and fight the dökkálfar.
The group traverses the dream realm following Peony's lead. Suddenly, Kiran appears before them. Though Alfonse and the others are relieved to see them, they halt in their tracks upon spotting who was next to them. "I am Plumeria, the dökkálfr of lewd dreams." (Again from ENG script)
Plumeria attacks the group along with nightmare soldiers that take the forms of Heroes from "Genealogy of the Holy War". Alfonse and the others fight them off, but Kiran also withdraws as if accompanying Plumeria. Peony states that this is because Kiran has been trapped by the dökkálfar's nightmares. Alfonse clenches his fist tightly, swearing to get Kiran back.
Chapter 4: On Dark Wings (JP: The Fluttering of Black Wings) The two dökkálfar show nightmares to mortals in Ljósálfheimr under their liege Freyja's orders. While Plumeria makes her disdain towards humans known, Triandra shows signs of concern towards Peony, who is her opposite in role.
The party continues traveling across Ljósálfheimr by following Peony's slightly dubious directions in pursuit of the dökkálfar. Anna and Alfonse can't wrap their heads around the actions they take in the dream world that would be illogical in reality. Suddenly, Sharena's gaze falls on a certain field of flowers. She says she remembers playing with girls her age in a flower field in a dream. She also remembers there being a girl similar to Peony, but Peony herself doesn't seem to recall this.
The party arrives at the Dream Gate, where the dökkálfar along with soldiers of nightmares lie in wait. They take up their weapons and repel the dökkálfar, after which Peony prompts Alfonse to blow the horn. Then, a crestfallen Peony bids them farewell, stating that they will forget about álfar like her, but that she will always watch over them, and she gives them a smile. Alfonse and the others close their eyes, trusting that they will meet again in a dream someday.
As the sound of the horn reaches Freyr's ears, his sister Freyja appears before him. Her true objective is to take her brother to Dökkálfheimr, over which she rules, while he is defenseless after handing off the horn. Were the Dream-King to leave Ljósálfheimr, order would be disrupted and nightmares would begin to flow into the mortal world and become reality. Freyja burns with jealousy upon witnessing her brother worry over the humans. Thinking to recompense them for stealing her brother's heart, her smile widens.
Chapter 5: Twisted Reality (JP: Distorting World) Alfonse wakes up to the smell of incense. Apparently, contrary to how much time they'd perceived, only a moment has passed in reality. While the other members of the Order confirm that everyone is fine, Alfonse notices that Kiran is missing. But strangely, Sharena and Anna cock their heads when he says Kiran's name. "The summoner of legend was called Kiran, right?" (ENG)
Alfonse is shocked when it doesn't appear to be in jest, based on Anna's tone of voice. Just then, an earth-splitting laugh rings out. The party prepares for combat, only to find that there stood Surtr, the king of Múspell who should've in the past been defeated. Though shocked, Alfonse faces off against Surtr, who ends up vanishing like the Zacharias and Veronica from in the dream. As the villagers awaken, unidentified troops are reported to have appeared in various places. Alfonse heightens his vigilance, suspecting that nightmares are manifesting in reality, as the group moves to eliminate those forces.
Though Sharena really can't remember Kiran, her gaze wavers from a profound sadness welling up inside. Alfonse cheers up his sister by swearing to do something about the situation. If nightmares can be defeated in the dream, they can be defeated in reality... Under this presumption, the Order marches on and discovers Peony being attacked. After rescuing her, she successfully uses her power to make Sharena and the others recall their lost memories. Then, Peony informs them that nightmares have been able to flood into the real world because Freyr has been taken to Dökkálfheimr, the nightmare realm.
Chapter 6: Dreaming Reality (JP: Dreams in Reality, Reality in Dreams) According to Peony, Freyr's sister Freyja is in Dökkálfheimr, and because they are in the same place simultaneously, the "Waking Dream" is allowing nightmares to spill into reality. In order to put a stop to the Waking Dream, the group searches for a ljósálfr who lives in a misty forest...Mirabilis, the Daydream. On their way to the forest, they encounter the real Veronica. After finding out about the situation and what the Order's objective is, Veronica states that she will come along. She says this is because she heard that her brother, Bruno (Zacharias), and Xander have returned from their travels and are now in the misty forest.
After the party arrives at the forest, they split up in search for Zacharias, Xander, and Mirabilis. Parting ways with Sharena and the others, Alfonse and Veronica venture deep into the forest and find the former two. Veronica smiles upon being reunited with her brother after such a long time apart, but her shoulders slump when she hears that he and Xander must soon leave again. She faintly smiles again when Zacharias invites her to join them, stating that he doesn't want to make her feel lonely anymore. Seeing this, Alfonse asks Zacharias if they could work together to fend off the nightmares. Apprehensively, he agrees, to which Alfonse continues. "...Thank you. As I thought, you aren't really Zacharias. [...] You said something you shouldn't already know." (This quote is a translation of the JP, since I feel the ENG line doesn't fit as nicely in this context)
At this, Zacharias and Xander's attitudes change. After repelling their assault, Veronica declares her cooperation with the Order. She then urges Alfonse to tell her about his memories of being with Zacharias. However, he realizes that he cannot remember anything from long ago for some reason.
Chapter 7: Steeped in Twilight The Order of Heroes realizes the severity of the situation that has befallen them after hearing that nightmares have reportedly been appearing unceasingly across Askr. They head deeper into the forest in search of Mirabilis so they can go to Dökkálfheimr, save Freyr, and eliminate his captors. After the scenery becomes blurry for a moment, Peony searches the surrounding area and happens upon Mirabilis. She rubs her eyes, appearing to be sound asleep. Peony pleads with her, wanting to get to Dökkálfheimr by way of Mirabilis' daydream powers. Just then, Triandra appears, the dökkálfar having also invaded the real world. She creates a nightmare embodiment of Hel, ruler of death. After defeating it, with Mirabilis in tow, the group departs in the direction of the point of twilight, which is close to Dökkálfheimr. Along the way, Sharena is bothered by a feeling that she has also met Mirabilis in a dream in the past. She believes that she, Peony, Mirabilis, and two other girls did something important together.
Eventually, they arrive at the point of twilight. It seems that here, they can cross into the nightmare realm by being given a "particularly scary daydream" by Mirabilis when day gives way to night. However, Triandra attacks them once more. Soldiers of nightmares come at them without end as they are surrounded by the sea with nowhere to run. Veronica calms the others down as they panic, stating that she will handle their pursuers on her own while they go on ahead. The last time they were in the dream world, only a moment passed in reality. Because of this, Alfonse and the others believe they will make it in time, so they close their eyes and make their way to the nightmare realm.
Chapter 8: Wallowing in Love (JP: Drowning in a Dream of Love) The group ventures into Dökkálfheimr. They are quickly met with Plumeria, who mystifies them with a bewitching sweet scent, but they somehow manage to fend off her attack. While in pursuit of a retreating Plumeria, Alfonse hears the voice of a sad young girl. However, he doesn't know whose voice it is, and the group marches on.
After catching the gentle scent of flowers whose fragrance is different from that of Plumeria's nectar smell, Sharena mentions that she remembers it. She claims it's the smell of the flower field in which she played with the other girls in her dreams. She then recalls swapping hairstyles and clothes with one of the girls who greatly resembled her, and even going to each other's homes. Anna is startled, thinking this sounds like a "changeling". As Anna explains how changelings are álfar who switch places with human children, Sharena listens with an absentminded countenance.
Plumeria again stands in the party's way, accompanied by nightmare soldiers modelled after Heroes from the "Awakening Outrealms", as they hurry to Freyr's side. However, the Order emerges victorious once again and goes on ahead. While wounded in her defeat, Plumeria hears the voice of a young girl crying for her mother, which she remembers. There, Freyja appears and grants her strength, healing her. After rising to her feet, Plumeria asks if she was a mortal before Freyja gave her life as an álfr. Freyja's expression clouds over, and she tells Plumeria that her father didn't love her or her mother, so he abandoned them. And because her daughter interfered with her desire to be with another man she loved, Plumeria's mother threw her into the bottom of a well and left her there.
By Freyja's words, Plumeria was a child nobody loved. But now, after drinking the nectar and becoming an álfr, she should just forget about that past. Her voice filled with compassion as she speaks, Freyja gives Plumeria a smile.
Chapter 9: Violent Fantasies (JP: Dream of Killing Someone) (Curiously, the recap begins with the events of Chapter 9 - 3, skipping over the first confrontation with Triandra in this chapter)
The queen of nightmares, Freyja, has abducted her beloved brother Freyr to her realm. With an ecstatic expression, Freyja declares that they shall fill the mortal world with their dreams. Freyr is dismayed, lamenting that Freyja originally didn't wish for the destruction of humans and that the two of them have already succumbed to ruin. He regrets turning human girls into álfar in order to drive back the disaster that befell the dream world in the past, when mortals gave up their dreams. Burning with jealousy over his constant concern for mortals, Freyja clenches a certain necklace.
Alfonse and the others rush to rescue Freyr, defeating Triandra, who stands in their way. As she stands up, saying that she can't yet afford to disappear (In a similar vein to what was mentioned above, the word for "disappear" is often used instead of "die" when pertaining to the álfar in JP), memories of her mortal past also pile up in her mind. Freyja appears before her, telling her that she and her younger sister were viciously abused by their non-blood related father. To protect her sister, who was in danger of losing her life, Triandra killed their father. Freyja assures her that she is not to fret over this, since she only did what she could. To this, Triandra quietly responds that she is alright.
Alfonse and the others finally reach Freyr. However, he has come under the curse of the necklace Brísingamen, and all of his dream powers have become Freyja's. With both of their powers in her grasp, Freyja has become the ruler over all dreams and is now able to freely control the dream world and bend reality itself to her whim. None are able to oppose her... Helpless against the unrelenting onslaught of Freyja's replicas and nightmare soldiers from all directions, the group falls back. However, the path leading back to Veronica has entirely vanished. "There is no way for you to survive. Taste despair in your attempts to escape." The nightmare queen sneers at them, exceedingly beautiful, (This line was very awkward to translate, I am sorry)
(To my knowledge, the quote used above doesn't actually appear anywhere in the Japanese script. It seems to just be a concise rephrasing of Freyja's dialogue at the end of the chapter)
Chapter 10: Lack (JP: Loss) The Order takes Freyr with them as they continue to flee. According to him, so long as Freyja is the ruler over all dreams, they can neither escape nor subjugate her. Even so, not wanting to give up, the group thinks of a plan. Just then, Freyr begins to tell of his and Freyja's past piece by piece. As a child, Freyja was always crying from being mocked by everyone over having a mark on her face. Freyr would steadfastly comfort his sister, who came to only smile for him. Then, she stated that she wanted to join herself to someone compassionate like Freyr when she grew older. She eventually matured to become beautiful, but didn't accept anyone's affections.
Sharena reassures Freyr along the way, to which Freyr confesses that the dream world once teetered at the brink of ruin. The only ones who could prevent the destruction of the dream world and save the hearts of mortals were children from the real world. But children who partake of dream nectar can no longer return to their world... Because of this, Freyr thought that perhaps if the children were in unfortunate circumstances, they would be happy to become special versions of themselves. He sacrificed innocent children in order to save the world even knowing it was sinful. After this, Freyr falls silent.
Their withdrawal fruitless, Freyja once again corners the Order of Heroes. Though she mocks them over their futile efforts, Freyr states that there is one way for them to escape.
"Freyja's power is the sum of our combined strengths... Therefore, one of us must be shed..." (ENG)
Freyr petitions the Order and offers himself up to them. Discerning his meaning, as Freyr can no longer manage to end his own life due to Freyja's control, Alfonse and the others cut him down.
Freyja cries out as she asks Freyr if mortals really are so precious to him that he would throw his life away for their sake. However, Freyr responds that nothing is more important to him than she is. It is because he loves her that he doesn't want to see her destroy the mortals, which is why he should disappear. Leaving her with those words, Freyr bids his sister farewell.
Freyja wails in sorrow and despair at the loss of her most beloved brother, after which she vanishes to some other location, bringing the dökkálfar with her. Due to Freyr's demise, dreams stop distorting reality. Now, they must wake up and return to their world. To grant Freyr's final wish, and to reunite with the missing Kiran...Alfonse and the others press onward.
Chapter 11: Plumeria's Dream (JP: Plumeria the Lewd Dream) The Order wakes up the the sound of Veronica's voice calling out to them. Just when they begin to relax, thinking everything is back to normal, Freyja appears before them. Chaos unfolds as everyone wonders how that can be, when nightmares shouldn't be able to encroach on reality anymore... The group is once again forced to engage in combat as they retreat. Freyja then tells them about the álfar's past as if to mock them. The álfar were originally human children who played together, who were called to the dream world in order to save it. She also describes how Mirabilis was a child who was abandoned by her mother after she was born. Finally, she tells of how among those children, the only one who didn't become an álfr was Sharena. Enveloped in Freyja's light, Sharena suddenly clutches her head in pain and faints.
After regaining consciousness at a boulder to which the group retreated, Sharena tells Alfonse that she now vividly recalls what happened in the world of dreams. "We wanted to save the world... Only...I stayed behind..." (ENG, but for curiosity's sake, the JP line goes "Only I wasn't able to become a hero...even though we said we'd save the world together...", which I think hits harder)
Sharena profusely apologizes with tears spilling from her eyes, saying that she might not really be Alfonse's sister. That she would play changelings with a girl who looked just like her, and that they would genuinely trade places upon waking. That she has memories of the small, run-down house in which the girl she'd exchange places with lived. That she might just be an ordinary child who swapped places with Princess Sharena in the dream world. And that as a consequence, the real Princess Sharena wasn't able to return home... Sharena appears discomposed as she suddenly recalls so many memories. Alfonse soothes her, saying that her memories of that house must have come from when she'd wake up as the other child.
Desiring to have them suffer like her after losing her brother, Freyja sends Plumeria after the group so the álfar will be made to kill each other. Plumeria follows her commands without saying a word and stands in the way of Alfonse and the others. She attacks them while looking like she is in tears...saying that she doesn't need reality, and that she wants to be in a dream forever. The party cannot hope to survive without fighting back so long as she continues to target them. Thus Alfonse and the others deal the final blow against Plumeria through their heartbreak. She grasps at the air and cries out for her mother over and over again like a small child as her body disintegrates. (I already felt really bad playing this story chapter in-game, but having this description makes it even worse...ow, my heart)
Even with Plumeria's defeat, the nightmares' assault does not relent. How can this be, when the Waking Dream shouldn't be able to occur with King Freyr dead? After assessing and reflecting on the situation one more time, Alfonse finally formulates an answer. "This has all been a dream... From the very beginning... Everything. All of it." (ENG)
They have been in a dream since the time they heard about the sleep sickness from Queen Henriette. If this is a dream, they should be able to return to reality this time if they blow the horn Gullinkambi in front of the Dream Gate. Alfonse marches on determinedly.
The Order takes a rest on the way to the Dream Gate. At their base, Anna reports to Alfonse about Sharena's condition after having stayed with her for a while. Afterwards, she begins to make small talk about a dream she had a little while ago about being a squirrel. She comments on how strange it is that she was convinced she was a squirrel in the dream, even though she isn't one... At this, Alfonse feels as though he is catching onto something.
Chapter 12: Triandra's Dream (JP: Triandra the Nightmare) Alfonse witnesses a daydream during the group's respite. A dream of the World of Steel, with towers stretching up high enough to pierce the skies. Peony calls it a grey world where people have forgotten how to dream. To make the álfar kill each other, Freyja sends out Triandra again. However, Freyja ponders why Plumeria and Triandra obey her orders without regard for how they are effectively being used and discarded. She asks Triandra why they would go so far as to throw their lives away in service to her. Triandra responds that she and Plumeria adore her, and that perhaps it is because mortals want to help those they care about even if they get nothing in return. Freyja shakes her head at this, being a god who doesn't understand this sentiment. She watches with a conflicted look in her eyes as Triandra departs.
Alfonse and the others fend off the advancing nightmares on their way to the Dream Gate. They are met with Triandra standing in their path, and upon seeing her, Peony's expression changes. Triandra speaks of how she could not forgive herself for being powerless to protect her younger sister as a mortal. Her dream was to obtain the power she desired in order to strike down those who would do evil. After she loses against the Order and collapses to the ground, having lost her power, she gazes at Peony and apologizes to her.
"Forgive me... I wanted to keep you safe just...a while longer..." (ENG) "...S-sister..." (ENG)
As Peony's words sorrowfully fall from her lips, Triandra's body disintegrates.
Led by Mirabilis, the group arrives before the Dream Gate at last. Following Freyr's instructions to "[p]icture the world outside the dream, and wish to return," (ENG) Alfonse sounds the horn, but for some reason, nothing happens. Alfonse goes over his thoughts once more, trying to figure out if there is something wrong with his thought process. Then, he remembers what Anna said a little while earlier. "If what I suspect is true...then the life I remember before the dream...is not my life at all..." (ENG)
Just then, Kiran appears before the Order. Alfonse is elated upon their reunion, but Kiran appears to be under the control of nightmares. With the help of Veronica and the others, he manages to render Kiran unconscious without killing them. By Peony's suggestion, they remove the hood that conceals their face. Under the hood of the collapsed Kiran...was unmistakably Alfonse's face.
Alfonse's suspicion is then confirmed. The reason why he couldn't recall his memories with Zacharias, and why he dreamed about the World of Steel, is because his past with Zacharias doesn't exist and the World of Steel is where he truly hails from.
"I am not Alfonse. [...] My name...is Kiran!" (ENG)
When they remember their true self, Freyja appears and tells them that they are having this dream because they wished for it. That Alfaðör, creator of all things, decided that Alfonse should no longer exist after he defeated Hel, sovereign of death. The Creator's will always comes to pass, and thus the real Alfonse is dead, so Freyja says.
Chapter 13: Reality Freyja continues, saying that Kiran gave form to this world and took on Alfonse's role out of grief over his loss. She claims that because Kiran is one who exists outside of the world's reason, if they combine efforts with Freyja, they could make the dream persist forever and have all their wishes come true. However, she declares that should Kiran choose reality, they will wake up in a world without Alfonse, and that she will use her power to take the lives of all of the álfar. With that, she disappears.
Peony states that because Freyja's nightmare powers still cover the area, they will be unable to use the horn. Even the álfar do not know if Freyja's pronouncement of Alfonse's death is the truth or a lie. A painful reality may await them... Holding onto that sense of unease, Kiran and the others head in Freyja's direction.
"Peony... My best friend, who I played with in the flower garden... That was you, wasn't it?" (ENG)
Sharena speaks with Peony, positing that Peony had switched places with her and drank her share of nectar because she knew there would be no going back to being human. Even so, Peony smiles, saying that making people happy was her own happiness. That neither of them know who was who originally, and that they are both each other, like two halves of a whole. If they defeat Freyja and return to reality, Peony and the other álfar will in turn be erased and the Order will forget about the dream. Sharena sobs over not wanting to lose a friend again. At this, Peony gives her a ring made of flowers. (It's a "chain" in ENG, but in JP it's described as a "指輪", as in a ring you put on your finger)
"[Even] if we do forget, that does not undo everything that's happened. [...] But if...if there's some way you can remember me, then maybe we can meet again someday, somehow..." (ENG)
Sharena and Peony join hands and nestle up close to one another as if in prayer.
On the other hand, Freyja's heart is swayed by emotions she cannot comprehend. Unconsciously, she begins to speak to Triandra and Plumeria, but both of them have disappeared in carrying out her orders. Though she insists that only her brother matters to her, as though trying to convince herself of it, her expression gradually clouds over. Kiran and the others eventually reach Freyja, and after defeating nightmare soldiers that appear one after another, Freyja herself finally falls as well. She disappears, leaving them with the proclamation that she will use all of her remaining power to erase everything about the álfar from existence.
The end of the dream draws near. The sound of the horn reverberates through the dream world. As she expresses her gratitude, Peony's form grows faint.
Kiran awakens to a voice calling their name, which turns out to be Alfonse's. He tells them that they, along with everyone else, had fallen asleep for three days and nights. Sharena seems to not remember anything and smiles as though nothing had happened. However, during their mission, Sharena discovers that she is wearing a flower ring on her hand. She is perplexed by this and clutches her chest, suddenly feeling like her heart is being torn apart. Then, someone claiming to be Sharena's childhood friend comes for a visit. Upon laying eyes on the person in question, her eyes tear up.
"Good morning, everyone! I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (ENG)
In Dökkálfheimr, Triandra and Plumeria, who should have disappeared, open their eyes. Before them stands Freyja, who tells them that they have no need to obey her any longer. Freyja's life fades away, having lost most of her power in reviving Triandra and Plumeria instead of erasing the álfar. She herself doesn't know why she did so even though she doesn't love anyone except her brother. In spite of this, she gave up her life for the sake of others, just like her brother had laid down his life for the mortals he so loved. Triandra and Plumeria vow to find a way to revive Freyja. The children weep as they grasp Freyja's hands, to which Freyja says that she truly cannot understand. Even so, she responds that she is happy and smiles gently.
And thus concludes the story of Book IV, neatly summarized as presented in the art book. I apologize for any inaccuracies in my translations and any confusion they might cause. This was an intensive passion project born from my love for Book IV, and I hope those who took the time to read this very long post found some enjoyment out of it. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please do share them if you so wish! I very much enjoy discussion about everything Book IV. Also let me know if there is any other material you'd like for me to translate, and I might make an attempt in the future. Thank you for reading!
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As of today, there is no official English version of this book, so non-Japanese readers are limited in how much information they can glean from it. This is a tragedy I can't abide, being heavily invested in FEH's story and wanting others to be able to appreciate it too, despite its flaws. There is also a decent chance that some information contained in this book will be changed or omitted in the official English version, so in that event I hope this might serve as an attestation to the "original" version. In this post, I intend to go over the section that describes the events that take place in Book IV's story. To see my translation of the section of the art book that expounds on Book IV's lore and characters, go here.
Disclaimer: I am not a native Japanese speaker, nor am I fluent in the language. English and Japanese are very different languages, so I will do my best to make things flow nicely in English while retaining as much of the original meaning as possible. Italicized text indicates my own speech, words that do not come from the book. The book's story recap is also told in past tense, but I use present tense in my translation here because I think it flows better and is easier to understand.
Chapter 1: The Dream One day, Alfonse and the others are summoned by Queen Henriette. According to her, an inexplicable incident has occurred in one of Askr's border villages in the wheat country where all its residents have fallen asleep. All efforts have been exhausted in attempting to save the sleeping villagers, who appear to be having nightmares, but none awaken. Henriette tasks them with investigating the sleep sickness there. The Order of Heroes complies, and after entrusting them with the Redolent Censer, she sends them off to the village with a smile. On the way to the village, Loki appears before the party and speaks in a way suggesting she may know something about the sleep sickness. It's possible she is planning something yet again...Alfonse and the others cautiously forge ahead.
As the Redolent Censer continuously burns with poison-nullifying incense, they arrive near the village. Sharena feels at ease and expresses gratitude towards her mother, who gave them the treasure in order to protect them. But in that moment of relaxation, she lets out a big yawn. Anna scolds her before stifling a yawn herself. Upon noticing this, Alfonse and Kiran are also beset by a fierce drowsiness, rendering them incapable of standing. By the time they realize the censer is ineffectual, it's already too late, and they are unable to resist closing their eyes...
Alfonse is with Henriette, along with Zacharias and Veronica. He is confused due to only having vague memories about why they are on a mission together. Suddenly, Zacharias attacks Henriette and corners Alfonse alongside Veronica.
Then, a girl abruptly appears and envelops the surrounding area in a dazzling light by reciting an incantation and prayer, causing Zacharias and Veronica to disappear. As Alfonse is yet again confused by the situation, the girl smiles brightly and says, "I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (This quote is transcribed from the official ENG script and is not a direct translation of the book's text, which uses the JP quote)
Chapter 2: Missing You (JP: One Person, Missing) The dream realm, álfar... Peony puffs out her cheeks when Alfonse cannot believe his ears. They regroup with Sharena and Anna, but Kiran is nowhere to be found. Even after following Peony's advice and trying to bend the dream world to their wishes, Kiran remains missing. Peony guides the party in their search for Kiran, claiming that the Dream-King Freyr could help.
While on the move, they fight off soldiers of nightmares, who are born from the fears of mortals and take on the forms of Heroes. Sharena also speaks with Peony about possibly having met before somewhere in the distant past. Peony responds that it might have been in a dream, and the two smile at one another, since they are quite similar and it appears they will get along well.
There a girl appears with black wings fluttering. She turns out to be Triandra, the Nightmare. As a dökkálfr from the realm of dark dreams, she is giving mortals nightmares under her liege's orders. Alfonse and the others confront Triandra when she tries to erase (In JP, the word for "erase"/"extinguish" is frequently used in place of "kill" when pertaining to the álfar) Peony. Triandra withdraws after being put at a disadvantage, stating that she won't give up.
Peony leads the group to a location with a large bed(s). Sleeping in a dream is the way to gain an audience with the Dream-King, so Sharena and Anna fall asleep. Before following their lead, Alfonse notices that he can't remember his childhood very well. Though that disquiets him, he nevertheless trusts Peony and closes his eyes. Peony is overjoyed at their faith in her as she watches them.
(In the ENG version, Sharena mentions that there are "many" beds, but the JP version doesn't make any indication of their number. Due to the fact that this art book previously mentions THREE adults being able to fit on one, it's possible that Alfonse, Sharena, and Anna all slept on it at the same time and that there is only one. However, the possibility that there are multiple of them remains open)
Chapter 3: Gullinkambi (JP: Horn of Gullinkambi) Alfonse and the others arrive in the realm of fantasy, the dream within the dream, by Peony's invitation. There stands Dream-King Freyr, who gives Alfonse the horn Gullinkambi. By remembering one's self from before falling asleep, wishing to return to the waking world, and blowing the horn, Alfonse and his party, along with the wheat country village's residents, can awaken. However, Freyr continues, stating that they must first drive back the two dökkálfar who have invaded Ljósálfheimr and are showing mortals nightmares. While offering his thanks, Alfonse asks about Kiran's whereabouts. However, even though he should know everything about the dream world, Freyr does not know where Kiran is, them being one who exists outside of the world's reason. He advises them that should they blow the horn, Kiran will also awaken. Thus, the party wakes up from the dream within the dream in order to begin their march and fight the dökkálfar.
The group traverses the dream realm following Peony's lead. Suddenly, Kiran appears before them. Though Alfonse and the others are relieved to see them, they halt in their tracks upon spotting who was next to them. "I am Plumeria, the dökkálfr of lewd dreams." (Again from ENG script)
Plumeria attacks the group along with nightmare soldiers that take the forms of Heroes from "Genealogy of the Holy War". Alfonse and the others fight them off, but Kiran also withdraws as if accompanying Plumeria. Peony states that this is because Kiran has been trapped by the dökkálfar's nightmares. Alfonse clenches his fist tightly, swearing to get Kiran back.
Chapter 4: On Dark Wings (JP: The Fluttering of Black Wings) The two dökkálfar show nightmares to mortals in Ljósálfheimr under their liege Freyja's orders. While Plumeria makes her disdain towards humans known, Triandra shows signs of concern towards Peony, who is her opposite in role.
The party continues traveling across Ljósálfheimr by following Peony's slightly dubious directions in pursuit of the dökkálfar. Anna and Alfonse can't wrap their heads around the actions they take in the dream world that would be illogical in reality. Suddenly, Sharena's gaze falls on a certain field of flowers. She says she remembers playing with girls her age in a flower field in a dream. She also remembers there being a girl similar to Peony, but Peony herself doesn't seem to recall this.
The party arrives at the Dream Gate, where the dökkálfar along with soldiers of nightmares lie in wait. They take up their weapons and repel the dökkálfar, after which Peony prompts Alfonse to blow the horn. Then, a crestfallen Peony bids them farewell, stating that they will forget about álfar like her, but that she will always watch over them, and she gives them a smile. Alfonse and the others close their eyes, trusting that they will meet again in a dream someday.
As the sound of the horn reaches Freyr's ears, his sister Freyja appears before him. Her true objective is to take her brother to Dökkálfheimr, over which she rules, while he is defenseless after handing off the horn. Were the Dream-King to leave Ljósálfheimr, order would be disrupted and nightmares would begin to flow into the mortal world and become reality. Freyja burns with jealousy upon witnessing her brother worry over the humans. Thinking to recompense them for stealing her brother's heart, her smile widens.
Chapter 5: Twisted Reality (JP: Distorting World) Alfonse wakes up to the smell of incense. Apparently, contrary to how much time they'd perceived, only a moment has passed in reality. While the other members of the Order confirm that everyone is fine, Alfonse notices that Kiran is missing. But strangely, Sharena and Anna cock their heads when he says Kiran's name. "The summoner of legend was called Kiran, right?" (ENG)
Alfonse is shocked when it doesn't appear to be in jest, based on Anna's tone of voice. Just then, an earth-splitting laugh rings out. The party prepares for combat, only to find that there stood Surtr, the king of Múspell who should've in the past been defeated. Though shocked, Alfonse faces off against Surtr, who ends up vanishing like the Zacharias and Veronica from in the dream. As the villagers awaken, unidentified troops are reported to have appeared in various places. Alfonse heightens his vigilance, suspecting that nightmares are manifesting in reality, as the group moves to eliminate those forces.
Though Sharena really can't remember Kiran, her gaze wavers from a profound sadness welling up inside. Alfonse cheers up his sister by swearing to do something about the situation. If nightmares can be defeated in the dream, they can be defeated in reality... Under this presumption, the Order marches on and discovers Peony being attacked. After rescuing her, she successfully uses her power to make Sharena and the others recall their lost memories. Then, Peony informs them that nightmares have been able to flood into the real world because Freyr has been taken to Dökkálfheimr, the nightmare realm.
Chapter 6: Dreaming Reality (JP: Dreams in Reality, Reality in Dreams) According to Peony, Freyr's sister Freyja is in Dökkálfheimr, and because they are in the same place simultaneously, the "Waking Dream" is allowing nightmares to spill into reality. In order to put a stop to the Waking Dream, the group searches for a ljósálfr who lives in a misty forest...Mirabilis, the Daydream. On their way to the forest, they encounter the real Veronica. After finding out about the situation and what the Order's objective is, Veronica states that she will come along. She says this is because she heard that her brother, Bruno (Zacharias), and Xander have returned from their travels and are now in the misty forest.
After the party arrives at the forest, they split up in search for Zacharias, Xander, and Mirabilis. Parting ways with Sharena and the others, Alfonse and Veronica venture deep into the forest and find the former two. Veronica smiles upon being reunited with her brother after such a long time apart, but her shoulders slump when she hears that he and Xander must soon leave again. She faintly smiles again when Zacharias invites her to join them, stating that he doesn't want to make her feel lonely anymore. Seeing this, Alfonse asks Zacharias if they could work together to fend off the nightmares. Apprehensively, he agrees, to which Alfonse continues. "...Thank you. As I thought, you aren't really Zacharias. [...] You said something you shouldn't already know." (This quote is a translation of the JP, since I feel the ENG line doesn't fit as nicely in this context)
At this, Zacharias and Xander's attitudes change. After repelling their assault, Veronica declares her cooperation with the Order. She then urges Alfonse to tell her about his memories of being with Zacharias. However, he realizes that he cannot remember anything from long ago for some reason.
Chapter 7: Steeped in Twilight The Order of Heroes realizes the severity of the situation that has befallen them after hearing that nightmares have reportedly been appearing unceasingly across Askr. They head deeper into the forest in search of Mirabilis so they can go to Dökkálfheimr, save Freyr, and eliminate his captors. After the scenery becomes blurry for a moment, Peony searches the surrounding area and happens upon Mirabilis. She rubs her eyes, appearing to be sound asleep. Peony pleads with her, wanting to get to Dökkálfheimr by way of Mirabilis' daydream powers. Just then, Triandra appears, the dökkálfar having also invaded the real world. She creates a nightmare embodiment of Hel, ruler of death. After defeating it, with Mirabilis in tow, the group departs in the direction of the point of twilight, which is close to Dökkálfheimr. Along the way, Sharena is bothered by a feeling that she has also met Mirabilis in a dream in the past. She believes that she, Peony, Mirabilis, and two other girls did something important together.
Eventually, they arrive at the point of twilight. It seems that here, they can cross into the nightmare realm by being given a "particularly scary daydream" by Mirabilis when day gives way to night. However, Triandra attacks them once more. Soldiers of nightmares come at them without end as they are surrounded by the sea with nowhere to run. Veronica calms the others down as they panic, stating that she will handle their pursuers on her own while they go on ahead. The last time they were in the dream world, only a moment passed in reality. Because of this, Alfonse and the others believe they will make it in time, so they close their eyes and make their way to the nightmare realm.
Chapter 8: Wallowing in Love (JP: Drowning in a Dream of Love) The group ventures into Dökkálfheimr. They are quickly met with Plumeria, who mystifies them with a bewitching sweet scent, but they somehow manage to fend off her attack. While in pursuit of a retreating Plumeria, Alfonse hears the voice of a sad young girl. However, he doesn't know whose voice it is, and the group marches on.
After catching the gentle scent of flowers whose fragrance is different from that of Plumeria's nectar smell, Sharena mentions that she remembers it. She claims it's the smell of the flower field in which she played with the other girls in her dreams. She then recalls swapping hairstyles and clothes with one of the girls who greatly resembled her, and even going to each other's homes. Anna is startled, thinking this sounds like a "changeling". As Anna explains how changelings are álfar who switch places with human children, Sharena listens with an absentminded countenance.
Plumeria again stands in the party's way, accompanied by nightmare soldiers modelled after Heroes from the "Awakening Outrealms", as they hurry to Freyr's side. However, the Order emerges victorious once again and goes on ahead. While wounded in her defeat, Plumeria hears the voice of a young girl crying for her mother, which she remembers. There, Freyja appears and grants her strength, healing her. After rising to her feet, Plumeria asks if she was a mortal before Freyja gave her life as an álfr. Freyja's expression clouds over, and she tells Plumeria that her father didn't love her or her mother, so he abandoned them. And because her daughter interfered with her desire to be with another man she loved, Plumeria's mother threw her into the bottom of a well and left her there.
By Freyja's words, Plumeria was a child nobody loved. But now, after drinking the nectar and becoming an álfr, she should just forget about that past. Her voice filled with compassion as she speaks, Freyja gives Plumeria a smile.
Chapter 9: Violent Fantasies (JP: Dream of Killing Someone) (Curiously, the recap begins with the events of Chapter 9 - 3, skipping over the first confrontation with Triandra in this chapter)
The queen of nightmares, Freyja, has abducted her beloved brother Freyr to her realm. With an ecstatic expression, Freyja declares that they shall fill the mortal world with their dreams. Freyr is dismayed, lamenting that Freyja originally didn't wish for the destruction of humans and that the two of them have already succumbed to ruin. He regrets turning human girls into álfar in order to drive back the disaster that befell the dream world in the past, when mortals gave up their dreams. Burning with jealousy over his constant concern for mortals, Freyja clenches a certain necklace.
Alfonse and the others rush to rescue Freyr, defeating Triandra, who stands in their way. As she stands up, saying that she can't yet afford to disappear (In a similar vein to what was mentioned above, the word for "disappear" is often used instead of "die" when pertaining to the álfar in JP), memories of her mortal past also pile up in her mind. Freyja appears before her, telling her that she and her younger sister were viciously abused by their non-blood related father. To protect her sister, who was in danger of losing her life, Triandra killed their father. Freyja assures her that she is not to fret over this, since she only did what she could. To this, Triandra quietly responds that she is alright.
Alfonse and the others finally reach Freyr. However, he has come under the curse of the necklace Brísingamen, and all of his dream powers have become Freyja's. With both of their powers in her grasp, Freyja has become the ruler over all dreams and is now able to freely control the dream world and bend reality itself to her whim. None are able to oppose her... Helpless against the unrelenting onslaught of Freyja's replicas and nightmare soldiers from all directions, the group falls back. However, the path leading back to Veronica has entirely vanished. "There is no way for you to survive. Taste despair in your attempts to escape." The nightmare queen sneers at them, exceedingly beautiful, (This line was very awkward to translate, I am sorry)
(To my knowledge, the quote used above doesn't actually appear anywhere in the Japanese script. It seems to just be a concise rephrasing of Freyja's dialogue at the end of the chapter)
Chapter 10: Lack (JP: Loss) The Order takes Freyr with them as they continue to flee. According to him, so long as Freyja is the ruler over all dreams, they can neither escape nor subjugate her. Even so, not wanting to give up, the group thinks of a plan. Just then, Freyr begins to tell of his and Freyja's past piece by piece. As a child, Freyja was always crying from being mocked by everyone over having a mark on her face. Freyr would steadfastly comfort his sister, who came to only smile for him. Then, she stated that she wanted to join herself to someone compassionate like Freyr when she grew older. She eventually matured to become beautiful, but didn't accept anyone's affections.
Sharena reassures Freyr along the way, to which Freyr confesses that the dream world once teetered at the brink of ruin. The only ones who could prevent the destruction of the dream world and save the hearts of mortals were children from the real world. But children who partake of dream nectar can no longer return to their world... Because of this, Freyr thought that perhaps if the children were in unfortunate circumstances, they would be happy to become special versions of themselves. He sacrificed innocent children in order to save the world even knowing it was sinful. After this, Freyr falls silent.
Their withdrawal fruitless, Freyja once again corners the Order of Heroes. Though she mocks them over their futile efforts, Freyr states that there is one way for them to escape.
"Freyja's power is the sum of our combined strengths... Therefore, one of us must be shed..." (ENG)
Freyr petitions the Order and offers himself up to them. Discerning his meaning, as Freyr can no longer manage to end his own life due to Freyja's control, Alfonse and the others cut him down.
Freyja cries out as she asks Freyr if mortals really are so precious to him that he would throw his life away for their sake. However, Freyr responds that nothing is more important to him than she is. It is because he loves her that he doesn't want to see her destroy the mortals, which is why he should disappear. Leaving her with those words, Freyr bids his sister farewell.
Freyja wails in sorrow and despair at the loss of her most beloved brother, after which she vanishes to some other location, bringing the dökkálfar with her. Due to Freyr's demise, dreams stop distorting reality. Now, they must wake up and return to their world. To grant Freyr's final wish, and to reunite with the missing Kiran...Alfonse and the others press onward.
Chapter 11: Plumeria's Dream (JP: Plumeria the Lewd Dream) The Order wakes up the the sound of Veronica's voice calling out to them. Just when they begin to relax, thinking everything is back to normal, Freyja appears before them. Chaos unfolds as everyone wonders how that can be, when nightmares shouldn't be able to encroach on reality anymore... The group is once again forced to engage in combat as they retreat. Freyja then tells them about the álfar's past as if to mock them. The álfar were originally human children who played together, who were called to the dream world in order to save it. She also describes how Mirabilis was a child who was abandoned by her mother after she was born. Finally, she tells of how among those children, the only one who didn't become an álfr was Sharena. Enveloped in Freyja's light, Sharena suddenly clutches her head in pain and faints.
After regaining consciousness at a boulder to which the group retreated, Sharena tells Alfonse that she now vividly recalls what happened in the world of dreams. "We wanted to save the world... Only...I stayed behind..." (ENG, but for curiosity's sake, the JP line goes "Only I wasn't able to become a hero...even though we said we'd save the world together...", which I think hits harder)
Sharena profusely apologizes with tears spilling from her eyes, saying that she might not really be Alfonse's sister. That she would play changelings with a girl who looked just like her, and that they would genuinely trade places upon waking. That she has memories of the small, run-down house in which the girl she'd exchange places with lived. That she might just be an ordinary child who swapped places with Princess Sharena in the dream world. And that as a consequence, the real Princess Sharena wasn't able to return home... Sharena appears discomposed as she suddenly recalls so many memories. Alfonse soothes her, saying that her memories of that house must have come from when she'd wake up as the other child.
Desiring to have them suffer like her after losing her brother, Freyja sends Plumeria after the group so the álfar will be made to kill each other. Plumeria follows her commands without saying a word and stands in the way of Alfonse and the others. She attacks them while looking like she is in tears...saying that she doesn't need reality, and that she wants to be in a dream forever. The party cannot hope to survive without fighting back so long as she continues to target them. Thus Alfonse and the others deal the final blow against Plumeria through their heartbreak. She grasps at the air and cries out for her mother over and over again like a small child as her body disintegrates. (I already felt really bad playing this story chapter in-game, but having this description makes it even worse...ow, my heart)
Even with Plumeria's defeat, the nightmares' assault does not relent. How can this be, when the Waking Dream shouldn't be able to occur with King Freyr dead? After assessing and reflecting on the situation one more time, Alfonse finally formulates an answer. "This has all been a dream... From the very beginning... Everything. All of it." (ENG)
They have been in a dream since the time they heard about the sleep sickness from Queen Henriette. If this is a dream, they should be able to return to reality this time if they blow the horn Gullinkambi in front of the Dream Gate. Alfonse marches on determinedly.
The Order takes a rest on the way to the Dream Gate. At their base, Anna reports to Alfonse about Sharena's condition after having stayed with her for a while. Afterwards, she begins to make small talk about a dream she had a little while ago about being a squirrel. She comments on how strange it is that she was convinced she was a squirrel in the dream, even though she isn't one... At this, Alfonse feels as though he is catching onto something.
Chapter 12: Triandra's Dream (JP: Triandra the Nightmare) Alfonse witnesses a daydream during the group's respite. A dream of the World of Steel, with towers stretching up high enough to pierce the skies. Peony calls it a grey world where people have forgotten how to dream. To make the álfar kill each other, Freyja sends out Triandra again. However, Freyja ponders why Plumeria and Triandra obey her orders without regard for how they are effectively being used and discarded. She asks Triandra why they would go so far as to throw their lives away in service to her. Triandra responds that she and Plumeria adore her, and that perhaps it is because mortals want to help those they care about even if they get nothing in return. Freyja shakes her head at this, being a god who doesn't understand this sentiment. She watches with a conflicted look in her eyes as Triandra departs.
Alfonse and the others fend off the advancing nightmares on their way to the Dream Gate. They are met with Triandra standing in their path, and upon seeing her, Peony's expression changes. Triandra speaks of how she could not forgive herself for being powerless to protect her younger sister as a mortal. Her dream was to obtain the power she desired in order to strike down those who would do evil. After she loses against the Order and collapses to the ground, having lost her power, she gazes at Peony and apologizes to her.
"Forgive me... I wanted to keep you safe just...a while longer..." (ENG) "...S-sister..." (ENG)
As Peony's words sorrowfully fall from her lips, Triandra's body disintegrates.
Led by Mirabilis, the group arrives before the Dream Gate at last. Following Freyr's instructions to "[p]icture the world outside the dream, and wish to return," (ENG) Alfonse sounds the horn, but for some reason, nothing happens. Alfonse goes over his thoughts once more, trying to figure out if there is something wrong with his thought process. Then, he remembers what Anna said a little while earlier. "If what I suspect is true...then the life I remember before the dream...is not my life at all..." (ENG)
Just then, Kiran appears before the Order. Alfonse is elated upon their reunion, but Kiran appears to be under the control of nightmares. With the help of Veronica and the others, he manages to render Kiran unconscious without killing them. By Peony's suggestion, they remove the hood that conceals their face. Under the hood of the collapsed Kiran...was unmistakably Alfonse's face.
Alfonse's suspicion is then confirmed. The reason why he couldn't recall his memories with Zacharias, and why he dreamed about the World of Steel, is because his past with Zacharias doesn't exist and the World of Steel is where he truly hails from.
"I am not Alfonse. [...] My name...is Kiran!" (ENG)
When they remember their true self, Freyja appears and tells them that they are having this dream because they wished for it. That Alfaðör, creator of all things, decided that Alfonse should no longer exist after he defeated Hel, sovereign of death. The Creator's will always comes to pass, and thus the real Alfonse is dead, so Freyja says.
Chapter 13: Reality Freyja continues, saying that Kiran gave form to this world and took on Alfonse's role out of grief over his loss. She claims that because Kiran is one who exists outside of the world's reason, if they combine efforts with Freyja, they could make the dream persist forever and have all their wishes come true. However, she declares that should Kiran choose reality, they will wake up in a world without Alfonse, and that she will use her power to take the lives of all of the álfar. With that, she disappears.
Peony states that because Freyja's nightmare powers still cover the area, they will be unable to use the horn. Even the álfar do not know if Freyja's pronouncement of Alfonse's death is the truth or a lie. A painful reality may await them... Holding onto that sense of unease, Kiran and the others head in Freyja's direction.
"Peony... My best friend, who I played with in the flower garden... That was you, wasn't it?" (ENG)
Sharena speaks with Peony, positing that Peony had switched places with her and drank her share of nectar because she knew there would be no going back to being human. Even so, Peony smiles, saying that making people happy was her own happiness. That neither of them know who was who originally, and that they are both each other, like two halves of a whole. If they defeat Freyja and return to reality, Peony and the other álfar will in turn be erased and the Order will forget about the dream. Sharena sobs over not wanting to lose a friend again. At this, Peony gives her a ring made of flowers. (It's a "chain" in ENG, but in JP it's described as a "指輪", as in a ring you put on your finger)
"[Even] if we do forget, that does not undo everything that's happened. [...] But if...if there's some way you can remember me, then maybe we can meet again someday, somehow..." (ENG)
Sharena and Peony join hands and nestle up close to one another as if in prayer.
On the other hand, Freyja's heart is swayed by emotions she cannot comprehend. Unconsciously, she begins to speak to Triandra and Plumeria, but both of them have disappeared in carrying out her orders. Though she insists that only her brother matters to her, as though trying to convince herself of it, her expression gradually clouds over. Kiran and the others eventually reach Freyja, and after defeating nightmare soldiers that appear one after another, Freyja herself finally falls as well. She disappears, leaving them with the proclamation that she will use all of her remaining power to erase everything about the álfar from existence.
The end of the dream draws near. The sound of the horn reverberates through the dream world. As she expresses her gratitude, Peony's form grows faint.
Kiran awakens to a voice calling their name, which turns out to be Alfonse's. He tells them that they, along with everyone else, had fallen asleep for three days and nights. Sharena seems to not remember anything and smiles as though nothing had happened. However, during their mission, Sharena discovers that she is wearing a flower ring on her hand. She is perplexed by this and clutches her chest, suddenly feeling like her heart is being torn apart. Then, someone claiming to be Sharena's childhood friend comes for a visit. Upon laying eyes on the person in question, her eyes tear up.
"Good morning, everyone! I'm Peony! I'm a ljósálfr—or light elf, you might say. I'm from the land of dreams, Ljósálfheimr." (ENG)
In Dökkálfheimr, Triandra and Plumeria, who should have disappeared, open their eyes. Before them stands Freyja, who tells them that they have no need to obey her any longer. Freyja's life fades away, having lost most of her power in reviving Triandra and Plumeria instead of erasing the álfar. She herself doesn't know why she did so even though she doesn't love anyone except her brother. In spite of this, she gave up her life for the sake of others, just like her brother had laid down his life for the mortals he so loved. Triandra and Plumeria vow to find a way to revive Freyja. The children weep as they grasp Freyja's hands, to which Freyja says that she truly cannot understand. Even so, she responds that she is happy and smiles gently.