Author’s note : Everything’s free to use and monetize or paywall as you wish, just remember to credit me please. As I’m not a native English speaker, you can feel free to make slight changes to make it better, as long as it doesn’t change the whole story of course.
Summary, listener’s perspective : Your partner went grocery shopping a long time ago and you’re calling them to check up on them. Apparently a lot of things happened and stressed them a little too much, but they got help and they’ll finish it to prove to you they can handle it.
[ ] = stage directions
** = sound effects
[The speaker is at the supermarket wandering around, feel free to put crowd sounds, riding the cart etc… through all the script]
*Phone ringing\*
Uhm… Hello? Who is this?
You should be mistaken, I don’t have a girlfriend.
Yes. That’s my name. How… Oh. Wait. Did I… ?
Ah fuck…
Yes, we’re fine Ma’am. Don’t sound so worried.
I understand but…
Ma’am…
Oh! Shut up for a minute!
Too many questions. So, I don’t know. I guess we’re shopping since I have a cart in front of me and we seem to be… In a supermarket..
Yeah, so why are you asking if you already know we were supposed to go grocery shopping!
Whatever… No, I don’t know which one… They’re all the same honestly… Let me walk around to see if I can identify something…
[Speaker is walking around for a few second without saying anything]
…
[Speaker is stopping, they tone changed]
Hello?
Hi baby!! How are you doing? Why are you calling? Or did I call you?
Oh you did? Why?
Yes, it’s me. What’s wrong?
Oh… Really?
I’m sorry. But it’s fine, I promise.
I know baby but…
Why do you want to come? I can do this!
No I mean alone! I prepared a list and all, I can’t forget anything!
Uhm… wait.. Let me search for it…
[Speaker is searching in their bag]
Where did I put it…
Damn..
[Speaker is getting quieter]
…
[Back to the first tone of voice]
Ok. Ma’am. I don’t know where we are, really.. But it’ll be fine. We’re just going to finish this and go back home.
A list? Yes, I have one in my hand, it’s alright, please calm down.
I know, I can sense them around, they’re not far. It’s alright.
Oh god…
Ok… Toilet paper… Sexy…
Where is that…
[Speaker is walking again, searching for the stuff on the list]
Uhm… Ok, there we are… That’s done and then some soap…
Well, I’m staying with you on the phone because you seem completely panicked. So I’m showing you we got this.
Look… I don’t know what exactly happened that triggered it… But we’re alone in a big space full of strangers. Doing something important. I’m guessing that it’s a lot of stress for them and they needed me… It’ll be alright though.
Yeah, of course they’ll tell you they can do it. I’m sure they believe they can. And I’m sure they wanted to impress you and make you proud. But sometimes it’s fine to ask for help too.
Not like that! You don’t have to come, I’m here now. I got this. You don’t even know where we are. And you’re not going to come with your car. Have you not seen the price for gas?
I might not be around often but I keep an eye on the news.
Why do we need so many strawberries?
Uhm… I’m taking bananas too, I like that better.
[Speaker is getting quiet again, just walking]
…
[Change of tone, back to the partner one]
Baby? Are you here?
Yes, it’s me, I’m back. How did the cart fill itself?
Who?
Ohhh… But.. I could have.. I can do it!
I… There was this lady… She was searching for something and asked me. I didn’t know… I don’t know this place very well…
I don’t know why I didn’t go to the usual place!
Oh wait… They were out of gas! To put on the car. Did you see the price now?!
Oh… ok…
They might have seen it then… Yeah… I guess.. It was stressful because I didn’t know what to do. Where to go.. To get it.
Oh. I continued driving for a while… Because I… kinda froze. And I couldn’t park to look with the gps where to go… Well.. I could have! But.. Brain was silly and I couldn’t do it..
After a while I saw a sign for another supermarket and I followed it. I guess that’s where I am now.
What’s that noise?
Baby! It’s alright! You don’t have to come! I can do it! Especially if I’m not alone anymore. I mean.. I have help, we’ll do this!
I swear! There are not many more things on the list anyway. We can do this!
Wait… Why are there bananas here? I don’t like them. I’m going to put it back.
[Speaker is walking back to the fruits to put the bananas back!]
Alright. That’s done. So what’s left?
Some juices… It's on the other way. What else? Eggs, butter…
Ok! Let’s go!
It should be around here… Yes, got it! Then… That shouldn’t be far…
[Speaker is switching again]
…
Uhm… What the hell… Why am I here… What’s on the list? Eggs… How many… Hey! Ma’am? Still here?
Good, how many eggs do you want?
Alright, I got them.. What’s left? Juices… It’s on the other side… Wait! Where are my bananas!
I don’t care if they don’t like them! I do! I front sometimes! I can have things I like too! That’s not cool to only think of themselves!
I mean… That’s a fair point… But… I can’t know when I’ll be here! I’m here now.. And I want bananas…
What if I just took 1 or 2? Not too much, won’t be expensive!
Thank you, you’re kind. Crazy. But kind.
Have you not seen how you reacted earlier?! You *are* crazy!
I told you we’re fine. I bet they told you too. Have a little faith in us.
Yeah yeah… I understand… But honestly, we’ll tell you if it was that bad. We’re handling it quite well so far. Yes, a moment was overwhelming. And I had to come. But now we’re doing well.
Oh by the way! How do we pay? By card?
Do you know the code? In case that’s me in front when we’re at the checkout…
Alright, noted.
No not really, like in my head.
Really girl… I can memorize 4 digits!
Alright, alright… Give me a minute..
[Searching in the bag to get a pen and a piece of paper]
…
[Back to the partner tone]
I’m listening…
Uhm…. Baby, I know the code of my own card… Why do you want me to write it down?
Oh… Well, I just have the juices to get now. I think it’ll be fine.
Yeah… I’ll write it down anyway, just in case. I’m putting it on my right pocket, ok? You’ll tell them if they’re here and search for it?
Thank you baby. And…. I’m sorry about this… I wanted to do this…
I don’t know… To prove I’m capable..
I know. I am but it was just… A little too much I guess… I don’t think it would have happened if I could have gone to our usual place…
It’s alright though! I’ve got the juices! I have everything now. I’m going to the checkout and I’m coming home.
I’ll have to hang up while I’m paying.
Yes, I’ll call you back right after.
I promise. You’re the one who will call me if I don’t anyway!
Yeah, if you have to that means it’s probably not me on the other end…
But I’m not far away, baby, I’m not leaving. It was just too much for one time…
Oh yes, I’d love that! Thank you!
Yes yes! I’ll hurry up!
Love you too baby!

Many people are calling for Ned's head lately.
I don't think he's been perfect. He has a positive reputation around the league at least as a person and businessperson. That doesn't mean he's a good scout.
I think it's important to separate hirings into categories one would attribute to the owner, the coach, or the general manager, even though it is reportedly a collaborative process and Paulson has to sign off on everything. It is also essential to note that different coaches have different systems, styles, strategies, and tactics. Players identified as having the skills, disposition, mentality, etc. for particular purposes under a particular coach may not work as well in different circumstances. For example, I'll suggest that having a slow right centerback isn't as much of a problem with a right fullback who can track back, central midfielders who can help cover, and an offense that defends higher, doesn't turn the ball over so often, and is effective in attack. Also, given the relatively sudden and unexpected departures of Porter and Wilkinson, and the transition periods between coaches and scouting/technical staff, it's important to note that there were times when there weren't people in particular roles and the styles, tactics, strategies, philosophies, etc. weren't clear or changed.
While I have no proof and Ned has expressed his enthusiasm for and confidence in Neville, I very much feel like Phil is Paulson's guy. It was said that he had a rapport with Paulson. I don't expect Ned to say anything publicly that isn't supportive. Maybe he actually believed Neville was the best candidate and maybe he still believes he's a good coach.
Using Wikipedia, I documented which players signed with the club or had their contracts extended while Ned was in different roles.
When he was promoted to Technical Director, he was specifically credited with scouting specific players. He's also credited with finalizing the deal with Evander in late 2022, after GW was fired but before he was officially GM. The rumor is that the deal was going to fall apart before Ned took over negotiations. I've italicized those players that Ned might have been involved in scouting, recruiting, signing, or extending who are still on the team. I've also indicated when I think it's pretty clear when a player was brought in by a coach because of some past association. I may be wrong about some and may have missed some. I know there is incomplete information but I only tried so hard. There are also situations where the player was technically signed to an extension in one year but it was effectively for the next season. The distinction between preseason and summer transfer window signings isn't always obvious. Also, many of these players were scouted for some time before a decision was made to sign them and an opportunity presented itself. For example, Wilkinson talked about wanting Lucas Melano for some time. I think Porter was big on him too. We had our eyes on Yimmi Chara for a long time too. Considering that, I'm not inclined to credit Ned with 2017 signings at all, and don't think he had much to do with the renewal or financial decisions until 2023.
Director of Scouting and Recruitment - November 2016
2017 Season
Signings

• Andres Flores - Gio
• Modou Jadama

Extensions/Renewals

• Jeff Attinella
• Kendall McIntosh
• Zark Valentin - Porter
• Dairon Asprilla
• Jack Barmby
• Bill Tuiloma

2018 Season
Signings

• Julio Cascante
• Foster Langsdorf
• Eryk Williamson
• Jorge Villafaña - Returned. Originally signed as a Porter player.
• Steve Clark
• Andy Polo - Ned is credited with scouting him. GW took credit for his extension.
• Cristhian Paredes - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Samuel Armenteros
• Tomás Conechny

Extensions/Renewals

• Zerek Valentin
• Jeremy Ebobisse
• Modou Jadama
• Bill Tuiloma
• Foster Langsdorf
• Kendall McIntosh

Technical Director - December 2018
2019 Season
Signings

• Marvin Loría - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Renzo Zambrano - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Claude Dielna - Ned is credited with scouting him.
• Aljaz Ivavic
• Brian Fernandez
• Jorge Moreira

Extensions/Renewals

• Sebastian Blanco
• Diego Valeri
• Bill Tuiloma
• Steve Clark
• Jeremy Ebobisse

2020 Season
Signings

• Yimmi Chara
• Blake Bodily
• Jaroslaw Niezgoda
• Chris Duvall
• Pablo Bonilla
• Zac McGraw
• Felipe Mora
• Dario Zuparic

Extensions/Renewals

• Dairon Asprilla

2021 Season
Signings

• Larrys Mabiala
• Santiago Moreno

2022 Season
Signings

• Justin Vom Steeg
• David Ayala
• Justin Rasmussen
• Diego Gutierrez
• Claudio Bravo
• Juan David Mosquera

Extensions/Renewals

• Felipe Mora
• Zac McGraw
• Diego Chara
• Cristhian Paredes

General Manager - December 2023
October 2022 - GW Fired
2023 Season
Signings

• Evander - Neville said that he had wanted Evander at Miami.
• Miguel Araujo
• Antony
• Eric Miller
• Frank Boli

Extensions/Renewals

• Nathan Fogaça

2024 Season
Signings

• Kamal Miller - Neville guy
• James Pantemis - Neville guy
• Trey Muse - Neville guy?
• Maxime Crepeau - Neville guy
• Jonathan Rodriguez

Extensions/Renewals

• Juan David Mosquera
• Santiago Moreno
• Eric Miller

Do we blame these guys going forward?
Jack Dodd - Technical Director - April 2023

• Former Director of Scouting for Toronto and a scout for Liverpool and Crystal Palace

Nacho Leblic - Director of Scouting - February 2024
With all of this info, I think we can blame Ned in whole or in part for the following current players being signed and / or having their contracts renewed:

1. Rodriguez
2. Evander
3. Loría
4. Williamson
5. Moreno
6. Mosquera
7. McGraw
8. Eric Miller
9. Fogaça
10. Antony
11. Mora
12. Diego Chara
13. Araujo
14. Paredes
15. Ayala
16. Mabiala
17. Asprilla
18. Kamal Miller
19. Muse
20. Crepeau
21. Pantemis
22. Sulte
23. Zuparic
24. Ikoba
25. Bravo

Gee, that's the entire roster. Realistically though, I'm only crediting him for 2023 and maybe Rodriguez. He wasn't really GM until Evander at the end of 2022. GW, Paulson, Porter, Gio, and Neville all have had input and in many cases more authority in decision-making up to that point.
Which players came and went under Ned's watch should we not have signed or not let go?
And which players who are still on the roster just objectively suck and aren't MLS-level players? As starters or depth? Who doesn't even have any potential? Who has aged out? Who is good but doesn't fit the system? Who doesn't fit Neville's system but fit Gio's? Note: this is all in MLS-level terms.

1. Rodriguez was great but is now just good and arguably doesn't fit the system. He's a second striker but we only play with one forward. I don't think the 4-4-2 we tried against Seattle was a good idea. Obviously, it didn't work. Maybe a diamond of Evander, Chara, Ayala, and Paredes. We'd need more defense to cover for Mosquera getting forward and Moreno tucking in. But I digress...
2. Evander is good but poorly utilized and inconsistent. He plays to the level of his teammates. He's not a leader. Could he be great? Probably not as a 10. He's got flashes though, so I hope I'm wrong.
3. Loría in my eyes isn't MLS level and hit his ceiling. I'll accept arguments that he's a good sub for the money.
4. Williamson is good but oft-injured, and inconsistently plays to the level of his teammates.
5. Moreno is inconsistent, sometimes played out of position, doesn't fit the system, but has potential. He takes chances, which I respect, but maybe doesn't have the best judgement. Maybe he can learn. I hope so. He tries. He's good. He could be great. He probably shouldn't be the starter all the time.
6. Mosquera is a good winger but terrible fullback. Or maybe he's a good wingback but terrible fullback, depending on how you define the roles. Maybe he has potential. I increasingly doubt it. He doesn't seem to have the mentality for it. He's Alvas Powell 2.0. I'd love to be wrong. He tried last match. If he becomes a good fullback he'll be great overall.
7. McGraw is good but terrible in the system, especially when Mosquera doesn't track back. He's just too slow and sometimes has poor judgement.
8. Eric Miller is good as a sub right fullback and decent as a sub left fullback.
9. Fogaça isn't good and has no potential. I'd love to be wrong. I like his workrate but he's not MLS quality and never will be.
10. Antony is good, not great, and maybe has potential. His first touch is garbage, he's one-footed, and he doesn't make smart runs. He fast though. I don't think he can succeed on a shitty team like ours because he won't see the ball enough. Ideally, he'd understudy to a great winger and learn from them.
11. Mora is surprisingly good. He's opportunistic. He's a leader. He's committed. He puts in effort. I still don't think he's a DP and I'd kind of prefer he was a subto an even better forward but it's hard to argue with success.
12. Diego Chara. He's still very good. People who say he's lost a step are confusing his inability to cover everybody else's mistakes, and his own occasional lapses, with having lost it. He's barely lost anything. He'd look better on a team that wasn't absolute ass. It's sad for him.
13. Araujo. I think he's good but just too slow for this system. His passing is good and he's good with the ball at his feet. His positioning and judgement seem fine, generally. I'd bet he'd look better on a better team too. I could say the same for some former centerbacks as well.
14. Paredes. He's good. He's developed and grown on me. He's pretty consistent and generally puts in effort. He rarely pisses me off. I'd hoped he'd develop into a 6 but that's apparently not to be. I think he's hit his ceiling. He's a great rotator or sub. Not a star.
15. Ayala. He's good. Could become great if he can stay healthy and get more development. I'm worried about his injury history. He's a bit small and can get pushed around a bit.
16. Mabiala. He's just too old and slow now. Good dude. Maybe his last extension was too long. I think the tactics are especially bad for him but he wasn't good enough last season either. Father Time just caught up faster than we expected.
17. Asprilla. Is he good? I don't think he really is. But his moments of sheer genius, his workrate, and his heart make him great. As a sub. Flare counts for a lot. I love it when Asprilla dazzles.
18. Kamal Miller. He's good but too slow for the system.
19. Muse. No idea man.
20. Crepeau. He's great but we sure haven't given him a chance to be great for us yet.
21. Pantemis. He's good and could be great.
22. Sulte. I've only ever seen him be awful. I wish him the best but have no reason for optimism, especially since Muse came on.
23. Zuparic. He's the best player in the league, obviously. He's good. Maybe he was great once. He's not good enough for the system at least. If Neville ever substantively changes tactics I think he could be solid for us again. Seems like his attitude may be a problem though. Who knows what to believe?
24. Ikoba. Absolute mystery to me. I assume the worst from context clues. Wish him the best. I think he, Sulte, and all who came before underscore how wretched our academy system is. Who do we blame for that? Does it matter? I think it does. I'd love to develop cheap players we could sell to reinvest in the club.
25. Bravo. He's great. He could be brilliant. He makes the occasional mistake but that's the price of greatness. He takes risks. He's a fighter too. Love this dude but he still gets underrated and shit on. We're so much better with him on the team. How often do we have good fullbacks, especially a left back. Him, Moreira, and Villafaña are kind of it, right? Farfan showed promise but bringing Jorge back stunted his prospects with us?

I think we are less than the sum of our parts. I don't think too many of our players are scrubs. We have too much invested in central midfield, centerback, and keeper. Central midfield was complicated by injuries and Chara's insane longevity. Our poor DP signings hurt our ability to move on from them in terms of timing and money. Ivacic was still on the books well into the last transfer window. Mabiala is taking up roster and cap space. Zuparic is questionable. McGraw and Araujo just don't seem to be good fits for the system that Neville is trying to implement. Kamal Miller isn't either but Neville doesn't realize that. I'll suggest that Mosquera not defending hurt the CBs last season too, along with the missing attacking DPs.
I don't know what we can realistically do about our problems near-term. I don't think Nevilleball works even with a right fullback who can defend and faster centerbacks. That would help. But the lack of off-the-ball movement, lack of ball progression through midfield, lack of creative runs, poor passing, low pressure, shitty zonal marking on set piece defending, not closing passing lanes, not stepping to the ball; not making incisive, line-splitting passes; not communicating, poor rotations, not making the final pass or taking shots in the box, passing back all the time, slow build-up, not covering the far post, injuries... It's a lot. Some of these problems predate Neville, so he ought to have accounted for them and adjusted accordingly. The FO has denied lack of talent is a problem. That leaves coaching and attitude or mentality. Attitude and mentality often come back to coaching IMHO.

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At least I certainly hope so for my mom, my MIL, and my sister. They all seemed very happy & pleased with the day.
My mom & dad were absolute rock stars for hosting & fixing all kinds of delicious food for dinner yesterday, and I am truly so very grateful for them. They are the kind of selfless people that truly always do more for others than they receive, willingly and lovingly.
Yesterday made me even more glad that I went over to their house on Saturday & helped my mom with some technological stuff + spent several hours with her. We “chased” the northern lights, though frankly we didn’t see much. Apparently they were much more magnificent the night before; I didn’t really have any luck then either. Some of the folks around this area captured some rather unbelievable photos — that’s not to say that I’m calling it nonsense. However I do know for a fact that some of those photos were heavily edited/adjusted. I know what I saw with my eyes, and what I was able to get with my camera… those things were not in alignment whatsoever. But anyway Saturday night was really enjoyable, mostly because I was with my mom.
My parents & family have really welcomed in my MIL with open arms ever since my FIL passed away. She has expressed gratitude for this many times. Yesterday was no exception, and to my husband’s credit, he made sure his mom knew everything we did & all that she got was thanks to me (and my parents, of course).
My sister came out to my parents an hour or so later than she planned, which pushed dinner back a bit, but no one seemed to mind. It was delicious all the same, and my kids loved playing with their amazing cousins.
Unfortunately that put us getting back home about an hour & a half later than I’d expected. My husband & oldest daughter didn’t stay long out at my parents, but MIL stayed with us all day. So I dropped her off before I could get home with my Littles.
On the way back home, I found out that my MIL is somehow back in contact with the MEGAbitch (aka Barbie). The slutty, disgusting Rush-loving racist who is unfortunately my husband’s brother’s w___e. Feel free to fill that word however you deem fit. I truly don’t give a shit that she’s as pure as the driven snow (but she’s a “Christian”, so that’s ok!) or that her moral compass is nonfunctional/nonexistent. What really pisses me off about this bitch is the fact that she *used** an innocent-ish POC to cheat on her [possibly even more] racist partner. And she decided to cOnfEsS that shit to me right before we were to celebrate Christmas w my husband’s parents. (Sadly one of the very last Christmases of my FIL’s life. Also my son’s first Christmas. What a peach, eh?) Prior to that shitstorm, the ONLY thing this bitch said to me about her “indiscretion” was I’m not innocent.
Unfortunately her “confession” text was extremely elusive, and I idiotically thought, “omg, she kissed someone else!” HA. Oh, sweet summerchild self of years ago, you wish that’s all she had done. It wasn’t until the next morning — 3 HOURS before we did Christmas w my husband’s parents that the whole truth came out. After a very long phone call, my hunky but shell-shocked hubby [henceforth called G.I. Joe* — Joe for short] said “we have to talk.” Just then, I received a text from the Barbie MEGAbitch…
“im sure you know that Ken* spoke with Joe today. you may already know, but I def want to tell you that the guy I slept with was black. I know that's the worst offense. I know how Ken feels about that. I just wanted you to know. like I said, I am not innocent. im so sorry.”
Ken had obviously called Joe & word-vomited the whole sordid fiasco, including the fact that Ken knew exactly who the AP was.. one of Barbie’s younger coworkers (huge shocker, sarcastically speaking). I don’t know if this fella was partially or completely duped, but I’m willing to bet my left boob that he did not know he was being used as a pawn. It came as a tremendous shock (and relief) to Joe & me that Ken hadn’t committed an unspeakable act of violence on that guy.
And this is where I need to throw in the caveat that Joe & I were never super close to Barbie & Ken. Our values & beliefs didn’t align in many if any ways; we lived in a very big, diverse area for 10 years; they’ve lived their whole lives in a small, backwards area (save for Barbie’s one failing attempt at a local-ish party college for almost a whole semester — until she got knocked up). And from the outside we were flip-flopped in earnings & appearances. I’m just not a huge spender and I’ll use something until it completely wears out.. I don’t need a new fill-in-the-blank every season, nor do I need flashy name brands. I’m just not into splurgy bs.
But Ken is Joe’s brother. And no matter how big a tool that schmuck is, my husband (bless his heart) will always love Ken. May not always like him, and he straight-up hates aspects of him — but Joe cares about his brother, and he’s never been the biggest fan of Barbie.
I thought Barbie & I were “sorta friends” for the longest time. But after our falling out, I realized she was way more fiend than ally. Yes, my husband’s normal-meter is straight-up-busted (and so is Ken’s) and there was a lot of messed up stuff in the past that made me cling to the hope & illusion of what “could” be. I was always the one who made all the efforts & gave all the favors. I bent over backwards for her, and I regret it all.
After the Christmas debacle & following days, Barbie realized that she didn’t have my undying support / approval of her recent life-choices. She came over to my house & ambushed me while my husband was at his parents doing his best to explain the terrible situation to them & why Christmas was even more solemn than expected. (They knew part of the story but not all of it — and not all of which I’m divulging here). That megabitch said and later texted some of the most VILE, horrible things to me that I’ve ever heard or read. Things that were on par with what she said & texted to our MIL.
But somehow.. my MIL is apparently back on cordial terms with that piece of trash. Joe & I know that she’s been desperate to be back in communication with Ken… but at what cost? I love my MIL (even if I don’t always like her or her decisions), and she’s still very new to being a widow. So she still gets unlimited grace as far as I’m concerned.
That said, it still sucks.
Thank you, void for letting me vent into you.
[* = names changed, duh.]

Even after all this I bet that asshole running their instagram is probably still trying to argue with people that are complaining saying shit like you don't understand, yotta is better now! You are going to win so much more, the prizes are better, you have better odds, the games are so much fun, you're going to get a lot of tokens, tokens are so fun, you don't understand it's better now without being able to use your debit or credit card or even withdrawal, isn't it wonderful you're stuck never being able to use your money! etc. That or just straight up deleting the comments and blocking people.

Here's the first one from a two months ago (copied here because I can't find a linkable archive):

Developing Confidence & Self-Belief
...
One of my best-ever chess performances occurred under unique circumstances. It didn’t happen in a rated tournament, and I didn’t even play particularly strong chess. In fact, I don’t think anyone would predict why I consider this result so special!
It happened in London in November 2018. The World Championship between Magnus Carlsen and Fabiano Caruana was in full swing (the one where they drew all 12 classical games), and the company I co-founded, Chessable, was hosting a free 3+0 blitz event at the Battersea Chess Club on the evening of one of the rest days. My business partner, David Kramaley, and I were expecting 30-40 participants - mainly Chessable enthusiasts, members of the club, and bored World Championship spectators. So, we were pleasantly surprised and more than a little alarmed when 100+ players turned up that night! Much scrambling ensued as we tried to confirm with Battersea club management whether we could even accommodate that many players. Did we have enough boards? Enough chess clocks? Enough ‘Team Carlsen’/’Team Caruana’ masks (this was the theme for the evening!)? Nobody seemed to be sure, but we rolled with it. The tournament was delayed by nearly an hour. In the end, there were eight sections of 14 players each, for a total of 112 players. Each section was a round robin, with the eight winners advancing to a final knockout bracket to determine the winner. Five GMs and 12 IMs competed, including recognizable personalities such as GM David Howell, GM Simon Williams, IM Eric Rosen, IM Kostya Kavutskiy, and IM Christof Sielecki.
Now, I was tired. I had taken an overnight flight from the US, and I had not slept a wink on the plane. David had picked me up from Heathrow Airport that morning, and we, along with now Chessable CEO Geert van der Velde, had spent most of the day preparing for the event. I was stressed, sleep-deprived, and over-caffeinated from Costa coffee. For a moment, I thought about just assisting the tournament directors instead of participating in the tournament. But in the end, chess players play. So, let’s go!
The tournament lasted several hours, and it was a wonderful mess. With the influx of players, the overwhelmed Battersea tournament directors had no means of digitally pairing the event, so results were chalked up by hand on hastily-made crosstables. The club was bursting at the seams, with players packed arm-to-arm down long tables, frantically flinging pieces and punching clocks, trying to keep pace with the unforgiving 3 minute/no increment time control. Upon completion of a game, many players scrambled to the bar (yes, there was a bar in the chess club - welcome to England!) to grab a pint before the next game commenced. Chess at its finest.
Despite the chaos, I started off well. The atmosphere was competitive, but there was a jovial mood in the air (I think the masks helped with that!). At the board - playing the game I love in another country - my concerns melted away. I felt proud to have helped organize an event like this, and I was profoundly grateful that the attendees took the logistical difficulties in stride. I won game after game, and I eventually won my group, thereby advancing to the eight-way knockout that featured several of the aforementioned titled players. It was getting late, but there were still many players and spectators in attendance.
During the first knockout game (which was now even faster: 2+0), I had a small epiphany: I was in a flow state. Normally, I’m a careful, strategic chess player. I struggle with time management - a consequence of perfectionism and overthinking. That day, I was so tired and relieved that the event had not been a disaster that I simply let my hand do the playing. I was firing out my first-instinct moves, and it was working! I was ahead on the clock in almost every game, confidently executing moves through pure inertia. As a result, I was putting a lot of pressure on my opponents! In the moment, I recognized this flow feeling, but I resisted the temptation to further analyze or “capture” it. That’s the last thing you want to do in an immersive state; it’s crucial to just let it ride.
I won the first knockout game, and I next sat down to face GM Howell. David is an incredible player - a former 2700+ FIDE, three-time British champion who made Grandmaster at age 16 - but I remembered that he was also notorious for time trouble, and two minutes is not a lot of game clock to work with. Why couldn't I beat him? Everything had come easily to me up until that point, and I believed there was no reason why that shouldn’t continue.
We shook hands and started the clock. I played 1.d4, and David responded with a tricky opening, the Grünfeld Defense. I kept driving the pace, sticking mainly to the first move that came to mind. Move, hit clock. Move, hit clock. As a result, I built up a nice little time lead. My memory is hazy as to the game itself, but I recall that at one point, I was on the defensive and opted to give up my queen for a few of David’s pieces. Move, hit clock. In blitz/bullet chess the initiative is at a premium, and you usually want to be the one forcing your opponent to make the tough decisions. I knew that although David had a queen near my king, he was maneuvering this high-value piece in tight quarters, and I had several lower-value pieces I could throw in his way. Move, hit clock. Move, hit clock. In trying to find the best way to continue the attack, David hesitated just a bit, and his clock registered ‘0.00.’ I won the game on time!
Proof of time management: here I am with an extra 14 seconds!
In the final, I faced fellow American IM Kostya Kavutskiy. This game actually closely mirrored the contest with GM Howell. Frazzled but strangely confident, I resolved to continue hammering out the moves (move, hit clock). Feel free to watch what happened:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHeNkMroQCg (thanks to Eric Rosen for recording)
I had a promising position early on, but then I made a couple mistakes, and Kostya sprang to life, grabbing a key pawn with his queen. Although I was down a piece and fighting to defend my king, I held a 2-to-1 lead on the clock. Move, hit clock. Move, hit clock. With 13 seconds versus my opponent’s 6 seconds, I dodged a major bullet, as Kostya had barely any time to register that I had just made a huge blunder (see if you can spot it - 3:39 in the video). Like GM Howell, Kostya’s time ticked down to zero. I had won the game, and with it, the entire event! Needless to say, I slept very well that night in London.
Why do I call this my best-ever performance? Sure, I beat a few strong players, but I was dead lost in the final and probably getting outplayed in the prior game, too. Besides, the tournament was ultimately just a fun event played at a very fast time control. But for me, this was the moment where I fully understood what it meant to trust myself. In entering an event exhausted and stressed, and in giving myself permission to switch off the self-critical, second-guessing part of my brain, I actually achieved the best possible outcome! Performing in spite of adverse conditions felt like a validation of the tens of thousands of hours I had put into chess. It was as if my primal chess brain teamed up with my hand to let me know that even stripped down to solely my instincts, I was already good enough. “Hey John, you’ve put in the time - how about you let us take over tonight? Just trust us.” Autopilot. No fear (fear is a topic for a future post, by the way!). Enormously fun and liberating as well. I still struggle with my clock, but this tournament is always a useful reminder of my natural ability. It showed me that I don’t have to play clean chess under perfect conditions to win. I can win “ugly,” too!
We are all capable of way more than we think, and we often need difficult or even rock-bottom moments to prove that to ourselves. This is why I believe so deeply in my tagline: “Only through our inevitable blunders shall we pave the road to mastery.” But make no mistake: true confidence and self-belief are forged in the work you’re willing to undertake. I’m certain that lightning would not have struck me that evening at the Battersea Chess Club if I hadn’t paid my dues, and this is true of high performance in any pursuit. I love what Michael Jordan had to say on this subject:

"If you have doubt or concern about a shot or feel the 'pressure' of that shot, it's because you haven't practiced it enough. The only way to relieve that pressure is to build your fundamentals, practice them over and over, so when the game breaks down, you can handle anything that transpires."

Eliminate self-doubt through deliberate practice and repetition. If you do that, you’ll be poised and prepared while those around you are panicking and crumbling. And you know what’s interesting? The universe has a way of rewarding those who have done the work and possess the courage to bet on themselves. Jordan’s description of NBA “regular season” performers versus “playoff” performers highlight this sentiment perfectly:

"Some guys in the league right now, their regular seasons are different than the playoffs," Jordan explains. "Why is that? Because it's a different kind of pressure. Those guys, when it gets stripped down, don't believe in themselves. They aren't sure they can hit the big shot, so they can't. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy."

In chess and in life, you should always view yourself as a player in the game. You don’t have to be Kanye West-level irrationally confident, but you should believe that good things can and will happen to you. If you recall, this is what I told myself before that game with GM Howell! So, regularly engage yourself in positive self-talk. Remind yourself that you’re equipped to handle any number of circumstances. Life imposes a great deal of negativity upon us already - if we’re not our own greatest cheerleader, how can we expect others to believe in us? In closing, I’d highly recommend you watch this excerpt from an interview that 22 year-old Magnus Carlsen gave to Charlie Rose back in 2013. The entire 53-minute conversation is worth watching, but I was especially struck by Carlsen’s frank comments on the role confidence and optimism play in his psychology and his ascent to the top of the chess world. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1EyeI9ahRg

“...I think you need to be absolutely confident, and I think it’s always better to be overly confident than pessimistic … if you’re not optimistic - if you’re not looking for your chances - you’re going to miss opportunities.”

At 2:35, Magnus reveals that by age 16-17, he realized that he would “...probably become the best at some point” (kudos to Rose for drawing that out of him), and he needed to make a mental paradigm shift towards optimism to drive that reality home. By the way, this interview was conducted several months before Carlsen defeated Viswanathan Anand to become World Champion! It’s clear that Magnus had already hard-wired his unequivocal self-belief. I hope this post inspires you to cultivate/refine your personal convictions. It’s far more than a platitude (“just be confident”); it’s about developing core self-belief through introspection and hard work. And when things get tough (and they will!), lean into those down moments. Be grateful for them. After all, you’re about to discover who you really are!

The second one is archived and readable on the browser here: https://r.news.johnbartholomewchess.com/mk/msh/1f8JAEjGcfF85zTdQ93UiM3ZzT/_15S6dm-Vblj
You can subscribe here: https://johnbartholomewchess.com/the-chess-mindset-newsletter-im-john-bartholomew/

I highly recommend InboxPounds for anyone looking for a good source of beermoney. They are a ‘GPT (Get-Paid-To)’ website which rewards you money for completing games, sign-ups and various other offers.
https://www.inboxpounds.co.uk?rb=143241391&ref_src=link
The most popular game offers payout up to £70 for completion.
They end up being easy to complete with a few of the tips known beforehand, so would strongly advise briefly reading through the games guides posted on the site before starting any game offer.
Here is a summary of the best offers available:
Game offers
Club Vegas (£70.20) - Level 100 within 21 days
Star Trek Fleet Command (£57.50) - Level 21 within 30 days
Bingo Blitz (£55) - Level 70 within 7 days
Yahtzee (£24) - Level 34 within 30 days
Coinmaster (£30) - Village 20 within 7 days
Puzzles and Survival (£40) - Level 18 within 21 days
Sign up offers
Remitly (£25) - Make a transfer of £100
Phemex (£25) - Deposit and trade £60
This is important to know but there can be times when an offer can fail to track but if you contact the support team with screenshots, they credit the money within a few days. They will usually request screenshots for proof such as your transaction history for the sign up offers, or a game screenshot revealing the level you have reached.
I would appreciate anyone signing up through my link below! Thank you very much.
https://www.inboxpounds.co.uk?rb=143241391&ref_src=link

Here on reddit I complained about my roobet account, and how they stole my money, and after that I received messages from a reddit user who deleted his profile now. https://www.reddit.com/useIcy_Training3227/
He offered me the account https://anysport247.com and he said they are better options than roobet.
Of course when I saw that (he didn't have a license) I didn't want to make a deposit because I Knew it was a scam.
So here to explain how this scam work.
After I refused to make deposit He offered me another option, to give me bet credit. He fictitiously prints out monopoly money on this scam anysport247.com site. In my case he print $10k. And he says everything you earn goes to you, and if you lose, you have to pay the debt to him. I accepted such an offer because I knew that with my connections I could not lose and I can earn money and easily to prove a this scam. After one week I make 4000 dollars profit and I asked him for withdraw. And ofc the reddit user deleted his profile. He is also using telegram channel for scam u/bitcoinkingmike . Also using this twitter profile for scam https://twitter.com/InvestorSports1
So be careful and don't trust anyone online. Scammers every day are getting more and more creative. Wrote this post to stay on the internet and possibly that some of the more naive people don't fall for the scam.

This is the second half of my list for Oklahoma's execution roster. As mentioned in the first part, I broke it in half to comply with reddit's character limitations. For the link to part 1, please click here.
The currently executed 124 offenders, cases 63-124:
63. Robert Knighton (~1960s-2003, lethal injection): In 1973, after being released from a 1968 armed robbery conviction, Knighton went on his first major crime spree. He stabbed and strangled several men and women during many robberies and home invasions. The only victim that was killed, 32 year old Coffier Day, was shot dead while Knighton was arguing with him in his home. Coffier's father, 53 year old Claude, was also injured in the shooting. Knighton's first crime spree ended when he kidnapped a married couple and their 6 year old daughter. They escaped when the wife and mother of the family attacked Knighton with a knife to protect her husband and daughter. The family then notified the police of their abduction. Knighton managed to secure a 30 year manslaughter conviction and a 10 year armed robbery conviction with a plea deal, and was released to a halfway house in 1989. There, he began dating a female addict and befriended a teenage boy. The trio embarked on a nationwide robbery spree together. In Missouri, they shot and killed 59 year old Frank Merrifield and his 40 year old stepson Roy Donahue while robbing their home, and stole guns and money from them. In Oklahoma, the trio fatally shot a couple, 64 year old Virginia and 62 year old Richard Denney, while carjacking them. Their rampage ended when a woman in Texas grow suspicious of them circling a neighborhood. Knighton had a long history of theft convictions dating back to his childhood, and joined the Aryan Brotherhood in prison. Behind bars, he frequently attacked black and Native American inmates out of racial hatred for them.
64. Kenneth Charm (1993-2003, lethal injection): Charm and his teenage cousin lured a family friend, 14 year old Brandy Hill, into their car. They raped Hill and tried strangling her with a towel. When that failed, the cousins bludgeoned her to death with a sledgehammer.
65. Lewis Gilbert II (1994-2003, lethal injection): Gilbert and his teenage accomplice committed at least 4 robbery murders in Missouri, Ohio, and Oklahoma, but he was executed for the killing of 37 year old Roxanne Ruddell. They ambushed and kidnapped Ruddell while she was fishing alone. She was robbed of $3 and her truck, tied to a tree, and shot to death. The pair also fatally shot Ruth Loader, a 79 year old Ohioan woman, while abducting her from her residence, and gunned down a Missouri couple, 86 year old William and 76 year old Flossie Brewer, in their home. Gilbert was also sentenced to death for the Brewer murders by the state of Missouri, but was incarcerated in Oklahoma State Penitentiary’s death row.
66. Robert Duckett (~1980s-2003, lethal injection): After breaking out of prison, Duckett was picked up hitchhiking by John Howard, a 53 year old store owner. Howard agreed to let Duckett stay with him until he could find a job. The pair soon had a failing out, and Duckett was evicted by his host. He retaliated by tying Howard up with wire and then beating him to death with a fireplace poker. Duckett made off with his car after he switched the license plates, and took several bank bags from his store. He had a long violent criminal history, which included several incidents of assault and robbery. One of the incidents involved the beating of an 83 year old man. Allegedly, Duckett was previously gang-raped by other inmates, and suffered from PTSD from the incident. His attorneys claimed that Howard’s sexual advances trigged those memories, and he was killed as a result of Duckett lashing out at them. However, the prosecution shot the argument down, citing that the murder happened after Duckett was evicted from the apartment.
67. Bryan Toles (1993-2003, lethal injection): Toles and his two accomplices forced themselves into the home of the Franceschi family, and shot and killed the family patriarch, 39 year old Juan, in a struggle. Juan's son, 15 year old Lonnie, was also murdered "execution style" out of fear that he could identify Toles and his accomplices. The only survivor of the attack was Norma, Juan's wife and Lonnie's mother, who escaped by hiding in her older daughter's bedroom.
68. Jackie Willingham (1994-2003, lethal injection): Willingham was a door to door salesman selling perfume in an office building. One women, 62 year old Jayne Van Wey, he tried to solicit rejected him despite his repeated offers. Angered by her "rude behavior", Willingham attacked Van Wey when they had a chance encounter near the building's restroom. He dragged Van Wey out of a stall after following her inside, slammed her head against the bathroom wall several times, and kicked her head. Reportedly, Van Wey choked to death on her own blood.
69. Harold McElmurry III (1999-2003, lethal injection): While under the influence of meth, McElmurry and his wife Vicki broke into a home that a WW2 veteran, 80 year old Robert Pendley, shared with his wife, 75 year old Rosa. Robert and Rosa were both quickly subdued and physically restrained by the couple. McElmurry clubbed Robert to death with a pipe in front of Rosa, who was forced to watch by Vicki. Vicki then held Rosa down as McElmurry stabbed her several times with scissors. After killing the Pendleys, the McElmurrys fled with $70 in cash, a pair of guns, and the victims' car. A few days after the murders, they were captured by border agents while trying to cross into Mexico.
70. Tyrone Darks (~1990s-2004, lethal injection): Darks rammed his ex wife, 26 year old Sherry Goodlow, off the road as she was driving with their 2 year old son. After Goodlow crashed, Darks pulled their son out of the wreckage, shot her to death, and then drove away with him. Just before she succumbed to her injuries, Goodlow managed to call and notify the police about her son’s abduction. The police confronted and arrested Darks at his home, and they found the boy unharmed in their search. Darks and Goodlow’s former marriage was marred with violence, and he was arrested on numerous occasions for assaulting her. On death row, Darks was involved in a scheme to defraud a foundation for 9/11 survivors.
71. Norman Cleary (~1980s-2004, lethal injection): While burglarizing an upper class home with an accomplice, Cleary shot and killed a housekeeper, 44 year old Wanda Neafus, and took her purse and a cane that her employers purchased from the Smithsonian Institution. Cleary had a long criminal history and was previously convicted of beating an 87 year old woman in her home.
72. David Brown (~1983-2004, lethal injection): For several years, Brown violently harassed his ex wife and her family. In one incident, Brown abducted his ex wife and 11 of her customers from a beauty saloon she owned, and held them hostage until he surrendered to police. He was able to leave custody on bond and went into hiding. A few years after the hostage crisis incident, Brown broke into his ex wife's family home and gunned down her father, 47 year old Eldon McGuire.
73. Hung Thanh Le (1992-2004, lethal injection): Le crept into the apartment of another Vietnamese refugee, 34 year old Hai Nguyen, and found him watching TV on the couch. He struck Nguyen from behind with a weightlifting bar, and continued stabbing him with a meat cleaver when he screamed his wife for help. Nguyen's wife phoned the police, and Le fled with the couple's safety deposit box that contained $36,000 and their wedding ring.
74. Robert Bryan (1993-2004, lethal injection): Bryan shot and killed his estranged aunt, 69 year old Mildred, dumped her body on his parents' property, and forged a $1,800 check to himself under her name.
75. Windel Workman (~1980s(?)-2004, lethal injection): Workman beat his girlfriend's daughter, 2 year old Amanda Holman, to death while babysitting her in their home. His ex wives reported that he had a history of child abuse and often violently spanked their children during their marriages.
76. Jimmie Slaughter (1991-2005, lethal injection): Fearing that she was going to tell his wife of their affair, Slaughter stabbed and shot his ex girlfriend, 29 year old Melody Wuertz, and their daughter, 1 year old Jessica. According to court documents, Slaughter mutilated both of their bodies, and he carved an "R" on Melody's stomach. He tried pinning the murders on a black man, but the investigators and the courts dismissed his allegations.
77. George Miller Jr. (1994-2005, lethal injection): During the robbery of a hotel, Miller attacked the auditor, 25 year old Kent Dodd, with a hedge shear and paint cans, and took $122 from the register. Dodd was severely beaten, had muriatic acid shoved down his throat, and was left to die. Just before he died of his injuries, Dodd gave a description of his attacker to the police that matched Miller. A massive amount of circumstantial evidence, such as wearing shoes that resembled the bloodstained footprints next to Dodd's body, a microscopic drop of blood found on his shoes that was tentatively linked to Dodd, his wife's testimony of his unaccounted absence from their home during the murder, and what appeared to be Dodd writing Miller's alias that he knew him by in his own blood, convicted him. Miller’s friends also reported that he was broke and begging them for money a day before the murder, and his wife mentioned him giving her the same amount of money that was stolen from the robbery a day after it happened.
78. Michael Pennington (1991-2005, lethal injection): Pennington shot and killed a clerk, 20 year old Bradley Grooms, while trying to rob a 7-eleven grocery store. He left empty handed when the register failed to open.
79. Kenneth Turrentine (1994-2005, lethal injection): Under the belief that they were stealing money from him for drugs, Turrentine shot and killed his sister, 48 year old Avon Stevenson, and his girlfriend, 39 year old Anita Richardson, during confrontations in their homes. He also gunned down Anita's two children, 22 year old Tina Pennington and 13 year old Martise.
80. Richard Thornburg Jr. (1996-2006, lethal injection): A month after he was shot by an unknown assailant, Thornburg and his accomplices sought revenge by abducting 5 men that he thought was responsible from a trailer. Three of the hostages, 51 year old James Poteet, 39 year old Tery Sheppard, and 24 year old Kieth Smith, were gunned down on the spot, and Thornberg forced the fourth to shoot the fifth with the threat of killing him if he didn’t comply. They then burned down the trailer with the wounded fifth victim still trapped inside, but he managed to escape with his life. Despite being forced to put all the blame on himself in exchange for being spared, the fourth hostage still went forward to the police.
81. John Boltz (1984-2006, lethal injection): To spite his estranged wife following an argument, Boltz attacked her son, 23 year old Doug Kirby, with a knife. Kirby was stabbed a total of 11 times, and he received several fatal wounds to his chest, stomach, and neck.
82. Eric Patton (1994-2006, lethal injection): Patton forced his way into the home of 56 year old Charlene Kauer after she refused his pleading for money. After dragging her around the house as he searched for valuables, Patton stabbed Kauer several times with many different blades objects at hand such as scissors, barbecue forks, and kitchen knifes. Although he confessed to the murder, Patton blamed it on alleged demonic possession and his cocaine addiction.
83. James Malicoat (1997-2006, lethal injection): Malicoat slammed Tessa Leadford, his 13 month old daughter, against a dresser. After she died from the beating, he tucked her into bed, and waited until his daughter's mother returned from work to take her to the hospital. The doctors found that Leadford had been dead for several hours at the time of her arrival, and discovered several injuries such as broken ribs, bite marks, abdominal bleeding, and facial bruising on her body. By his own account, he had abused Leadford on a daily basis. For her role in enabling her boyfriend's treatment of their daughter, Leadford's mother was convicted of first degree murder and given a life sentence.
84. Corey Hamilton (1992-2007, lethal injection): During the robbery of a restaurant, Hamilton shot and killed 4 employees, 26 year old Sandy Lara, 24 year old Stephen Williams, 19 year old Ted Kindley, and 17 year old Joseph Gooch, and made off with $2,000.
85. Jimmy Bland (~1975-2007, lethal injection): Bland shot his boss, 62 year old Doyle Rains, in the head over an argument regarding a borrowed car and dumped the body in a creek. He was previously convicted of killing a soldier, Raymond Prentice (age unknown), and abducting the man's wife and son at the age of 19. Bland served a 20 out of 60 year sentence, and murdered Rains a year after he was released.
86. Frank Welch (~1987-2008, lethal injection): In 1987, Welch attacked 28 year old Jo Cooper, who was 4 months pregnant with her second child, in her home. She was tied up with leather straps, raped and violated with plastic toys, and strangled to death. Cooper’s body was found laying near her infant son by her husband. Another woman, 32 year old Debra Stevens, was also bound, raped, and strangled to death in her home in a near identical fashion a few months later. Although both murders went unsolved for several years, Welch abducted and raped a woman in 1994, and he received a 45 year sentence for it. His DNA samples was collected and filed after his abduction conviction, and linked to both Cooper and Stevens’ murders in a 1997 test.
87. Terry Short (1995-2008, lethal injection): In an attempt to kill his ex girlfriend, Short blew up her apartment complex with a firebomb. She and her family managed to escape, but the blast killed Ken Yamamoto, a 22 year old Japanese exchange student. Yamamoto had no connections to the targeted ex girlfriend's family beyond him having the misfortune of residing in the same apartment.
88. Jessie Cummings Jr. (1991-2009, lethal injection): Cummings was a polygamist that had married and lived with two wives. Under his orders, Cummings’ wives shot and killed his estranged half sister, 46 year old Judy Mayo, and kidnapped her daughter, 11 year old Melissa. He bound his niece to his bed with handcuffs to be raped, and stabbed her to death.
89. Darwin Brown (1995-2009, lethal injection): While robbing a grocery store with three accomplices (including Billy Alverson and Michael Wilson), Brown tied up the clerk, 30 year old Richard Yost, with handcuffs, and then bludgeoned him death with a metal baseball bat. The killing was caught by security cameras, and the footage was used by the prosecution to secure the convictions of Brown and his accomplices.
90. Donald Gilson (1995-2009, lethal injection): Gilson routinely physically abused his live in girlfriend's 5 children (who were all between the ages of 8 and 12 years old). The youngest, 8 year old Shane Coffman, was beaten to death with a board for defecating on the living room carpet. He and his girlfriend then hid the body by stuffing it in a freezer. The body was kept inside it for 6 months until it was discovered by a sheriff's deputy investigating the family's abuse allegations. Gilson's girlfriend was spared the death penalty with a plea deal, and given a life sentence without the possibility of parole for her part in her son's abuse and murder.
91. Michael DeLozier (1995-2009, lethal injection): While camping with his friends, DeLozier ambushed another pair of campers, 60 year old Orville Bullard and 54 year old Paul Morgan, and shot them to death. They stole Morgan and Bullard's generator, pick up truck, and other camping gear. To cover up their tracks, DeLozier and his friends set their victims' campsite on fire, and severely burned the bodies.
92. Julius Young (1993-2010, lethal injection): For breaking off their relationship, Young beat his ex girlfriend, 20 year old Joyland Morgan and her 6 year old son Kewan, to death with a baseball bat in their apartment.
93. Donald Wackerly II (1996-2010, lethal injection): Wackerly and his wife ambushed and gunned down Pan Sayakhoummane, a 51 year old Laotian immigrant, while he was fishing in the Arkansas River. After he placed Sayakhoummane's body in the man’s own truck, he pushed into a river, and stole his fishing gear. A few months after the murder, Wackerly’s wife turned him in to the police.
94. John Duty (~1970s-2010, lethal injection): Duty was given a life sentence for abducting, raping, and non fatally shooting a female store clerk during a robbery. While incarcerated, he tricked a fellow inmate, 22 year old Curtis Wise Jr. into allowing himself to be tied up as a part of a hostage ruse, and then strangled him to death with shoelaces. At the time of his murder, Wise was serving a conviction for burglary and contributing to the delinquency of minors. Duty's execution caused some controversy for the use of pentobarbital, a drug more commonly utilized by veterinarians to euthanize pets.
95. Billy Alverson (1995-2011, lethal injection): Alverson assisted the above mentioned Darwin Brown and Micheal Wilson in the beating death of Richard Yost while robbing a convenience store.
96. Jeffrey Matthews (1994-2011, lethal injection): Matthews and his accomplice shot and killed his great uncle, 77 year old Otis Short, while robbing the man's home. In the robbery, they stole Short's truck, his .32 calibre pistol, and $500. The pair also slit the throat of Short's wife, but she survived her injuries.
97. Gary Welch (~1993-2011, lethal injection): During a fight over a drug shipment, Welch and his partner stabbed another dealer, 32 year old Robert Hardcastle, to death with broken glass bottles. He was previously convicted of battery with a deadly weapon, and was off on probation at the time of Hardcastle's murder.
98. Timothy Stemple (1996-2012, lethal injection): Stemple conspired with his girlfriend to murder his wife, 30 year old Trisha, for her life insurance policy. With the help of his girlfriend's 16 year old nephew or cousin [sources vary], Stemple beat Trisha with a baseball bat, and rammed her to death with his truck.
99. Michael Selsor (~1975-2012, lethal injection): Selsor and his accomplice went on a crime spree and robbed several convenience stores. During their robberies, the pair shot and killed two clerks, 55 year old Clayton Chandler and 20 year old Ina Morris, and injured two others in shooting and stabbing attacks.
100. Michael Hooper (~1992-2012, lethal injection): Hooper kidnapped his ex girlfriend, 23 year old Cynthia Jarman, and her children, 5 year old Timothy and 3 year old Tonya, from her boyfriend's residence. He shot all three of them dead, and buried the bodies in a rancher's field. According to court documents, Hooper was hyper-violent towards Cynthia in their year long relationship.
101. Garry Allen (1986-2012, lethal injection): Allen shot and killed his fiancee, 24 year old Lawanna Titsworth, during an argument at a day care she worked at. He fought with the responding officers trying to arrest him in an attempt to provoke a "suicide by cop" outcome. Despite the officers' best efforts to avoid harming him, Allen lost his eye from an accidental discharge. Due to claims of him having schizophrenia, Allen's execution was a source of controversy.
102. George Ochoa (~1993-2012, lethal injection): A Southside Locos gang member, Ochoa and another hoodlum shot and killed a couple, 38 year old Francisco Morales and 35 year old Maria Yanez, while burglarizing their home. The murders were witnessed by the couple's 14 year old and 10 year old children and stepchildren, who then phoned the police after the shooters' departure.
103. Steven Thacker (~1980s-2012, lethal injection): Thacker kidnapped 25 year old Laci Hill during a botched robbery of her home, and took her to a remote cabin to be raped. She was then strangled and stabbed to death. He fled to Missouri, fatally stabbed 24 year old Forrest Boyd while carjacking him, and used his car to hide out in Tennessee. After the stolen car broke down, Thacker called a tow truck to pick him up. When the driver, 52 year old Ray Patterson, found that he was using a stolen credit card, Thacker stabbed him to death as well. As a teenager, Thacker committed several acts of auto thefts and burglaries. He also engaged in inappropriate relationships with underaged girls, and was released from a Florida prison after serving time for a bad check conviction months before his murders.
104. James DeRosa (2000-2013, lethal injection): DeRosa and his accomplice tricked a couple, 73 year old Curtis and 70 year old Gloria Plummer, that he worked for on their ranch, into letting them inside their house. After they stabbed the Plummers and slit their throats, DeRosa and his accomplice stole $73 and drove away with their truck.
105. Brian Davis (2001-2013, lethal injection): Davis went searching for his girlfriend and their daughter when he found them missing from their home, and called his girlfriend's mother, 56 year old Josephine Sanford, about their whereabouts. Sanford dropped by the couple's residence after failing to find her daughter and granddaughter. At her arrival, she was raped, beaten, and stabbed to death by Davis. He then left the body in the house, drove off with Sanford’s van, and injured himself in a car accident. As Davis was high while driving, he was arrested for being under the influence. The detaining officers weren’t aware of the murder until Davis’ girlfriend returned to the home later that night, and called 911 after finding her mother’s corpse.
106. Anthony Banks (~1978-2013, lethal injection): In 1978, while robbing a grocery store, Banks shot and killed a clerk, 22 year old David Fremin. A year later, he abducted Sun Travis, a 24 year old South Korean immigrant, from a parking lot. He then sexually assaulted Travis in his car and shot her in the head. Although he was captured and convicted for Fremin's murder, Travis' killing went unsolved until a 1997 DNA test. Banks was originally sentenced to death for Fremin's murder, but it was lifted in favor of a life sentence. He was condemned for a second time after his conviction for Travis' murder.
107. Ronald Lott (~1980s-2013, lethal injection): A sexual predator of elderly women, Lott broke into the homes of 93 year old Zelma Cutler and 83 year old Anna Fowler after cutting off their power. They were tied up with cloth, anally penetrated, beaten, and suffocated to death with pillowcases. The case attracted controversy when another man was erroneously condemned for the murders, and he spent 11 years on death row until a 1997 DNA test linked the murders to Lott. At the time of the discovery, Lott was serving time for two rape convictions.
108. Johnny Black (~1984-2013, lethal injection): Black, two of his brothers, and two other men went looking for a man they feuded with for a fight. While they were crusing on the road, the group encountered a rancher, 54 year old Bill Pogue, and mistook him for their target due to them driving similar vehicles. They forced Poque off the road, pulled him out of his car, and stabbed him a total of 10 times. Pogue's son in law was also dragged out and attacked, but he managed to escape with his life. Black was previously convicted of manslaughter for shooting 49 year old Cecil Martin dead in an argument.
109. Michael Wilson (1995-2014, lethal injection): Wilson was the third participant in the above mentioned beating death of Richard Yost to be executed.
110. Kenneth Hogan (1988-2014, lethal injection): Hogan stabbed 21 year old Lisa Stanley to death while she was babysitting his children. According to autopsy reports, she was stabbed at least 25 times. Stanley had previously accused him of sexual misconduct, and prosecutors believed that she was killed during an argument over the allegations.
111. Clayton Lockett (~1992-2014, lethal injection): Lockett, his cousin, and another accomplice kidnapped 23 year old Bobby Bornt, 18 year old Summer Hair, and Bornt's 9 month son after burglarizing a home. After tying them up with duct tape, they forced their captives to lure a friend, 19 year old Stephanie Neiman, with a phone call. Neiman was also bound and initially survived getting shot multiple times. Out of frustration, Lockett buried her alive, and she succumbed to a combination of suffocation and her injuries. Lockett and his accomplices also gang-raped Hair and beat Bornt, but spared them on the forced condition of their silence. His execution was controversial, as Lockett convulsed for 45 minutes after being injected, and then died from a heart attack. He also had a long criminal history, and was first arrested for burglary as a teenager.
112. Charles Warner (1997-2015, lethal injection): Warner raped his girlfriend's daughter, 11 month old Adriana Waller, and shook her to death. His execution sparked outcry, as the wrong fatal drug was administered by mistake, and Warner complained of "burning pain" as he was being injected. With the botched executions of Lockett and Warner back to back, the state of Oklahoma delayed further executions until 2021.
113. John Grant (~1970s-2021, lethal injection): While serving a 130 year sentence for armed robbery, Grant stabbed a prison cafeteria worker, 58 year old Gay Carter, to death. He had a long criminal history dating back to the ag e of 11, had several previous convictions of theft and armed robbery, and frequently fought with and assaulted other inmates behind bars. Due to reports of "adverse reactions" to the lethal drugs, Grant's execution was scrutinized by a number of national media outlets.
114. Bigler Stouffer II (1985-2021, lethal injection): Stouffer shot and killed his ex girlfriend, 35 year old Linda Reaves, in her boyfriend's home for breaking up with him. Reaves' boyfriend was also seriously injured in the shooting.
115. Donald Grant (2001-2022, lethal injection): During a robbery of a hotel, Grant fatally shot, stabbed, and bludgeoned two employees, 43 year old Felicia Smith and 29 year old Brenda McElyea, and ran off with $1,500. He spent $200 of the stolen on paying for his girlfriend's bail.
116. Gilbert Postelle (~1998-2022, lethal injection): Postelle’s father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident, and they suspected that 57 year old James Anderson, 56 year old Terry Smith, 49 year old Donnie Swindler, and 26 year old Amy Wright were deliberately involved. Out a desire for vengeance, he recruited Postelle, his other son, and another man to kill them. All four victims were fatally gunned down in what was described as a “blitz attack” on their trailer. He was an addict and had several arrests for drug possession and manufacturing dating back to the age of 12.
117. James Coddington (1997-2022, lethal injection): After robbing a grocery store, Coddington went to the home of a friend and co worker, 73 year old Albert Hale, to ask for money. When Hale turned him down, Coddington retaliated by beating him with a claw hammer. Coddington stole $525 and went on to rob 5 more grocery stores. Hale was left alone with his injures for nearly an entire day until he was discovered by his son, and died in the hospital a day later.
118. Benjamin Cole Sr. (2002-2022, lethal injection): Out of anger that her crying interrupted his Nintendo game, Cole beat his daughter from his second wife, 9 month old Brianna, to death. He was previously convicted of abusing his son from a different marriage in California.
119. Richard Fairchild (1996-2023, lethal injection): Fairchild got into a fight with his girlfriend’s 17 year old daughter after making drunken sexual passes at her, and was enraged that she left with a cab driver. He took his anger out on the girl’s younger brother, 3 year old Adam Broomhall, and scalded him with a wall heater. He then repeatedly hit the boy, threw him against a table, and fatally hemorrhaged his head. Bromhall received over 26 blows during the beating.
120. Scott Eizember (2003-2023, lethal injection): Eizember snuck into his ex girlfriend's house to lie in wait for her. However, her roommates, 76 year old A.J. Cantrell and his 70 year old wife Patsy, arrived home earlier then she did. He shot and beat them both to death and then fled the scene.
121. Jemaine Cannon (1995-2023, lethal injection): Cannon was put in prison for assaulting an unidentified woman. He managed to escape and stabbed his girlfriend, 20 year old Sharonda Clark, to death in her apartment.
122. Anthony Sanchez (1996-2023, lethal injection): Sanchez kidnapped 21 year old Jewell Busken from her apartment complex, and then raped and shot her to death. He amassed a following from the anti death penalty movement for claiming that his father was responsible, but such notions were debunked following a 2023 DNA test that concluded Sanchez’s guilt.
123. Phillip Hancock (~1982-2023, lethal injection): In 1982, Hancock shot a drug dealer, 27 year old Charles Warren, dead in a dispute over stolen jewelry and was given a manslaughter conviction for it. He was released after serving a 2 year term. About 17 years later, he shot and killed 58 year old James Lynch III and 37 year old Robert Jett Jr. in a drug house. Despite an eyewitness account describing Lynch and Jett begging for their lives, the case attracted scrutiny when Hancock's attorneys claimed that the shootings were done in self defense.
124. Michael Smith (~2002-2024, lethal injection): A member of the Oak Grove Posse gang, Smith was responsible for two separate fatal shootings on the same day. In one of his murders, he killed Sharath Pulluru, a 24 year old Indian immigrant that worked as a clerk, while robbing a gas station. The other murder occurred when he tried to confront a gang member that he thought was a police informant in his apartment, and gunned down the target’s mother, 40 year old Janet Miller-Moore, when she refused to give away her son’s location. Smith was also given a life sentence for delivering a gun to a shooter that carried out another gang killing.

I have two mortgages due at the end of September, one primary and the other a rental property, both are half paid off. I have a farm that I am going to buy out the remaining shares ($50k) in the next month or so. We currently rent the farm land out and have a 5yr lease agreement in place. I have two/three sources of funds to pay for this farm, either pull out the money from a TFSA (sure bet) or set up a line of credit against the primary or rental property. My question is related to taxes and mortgage renewal.
Option 1 – Set up LOC against primary property and use the LOC to pay the $50k for the farm land. Then take $50k from the TFSA and pay down the primary mortgage principal. This would allow me to write off the interest expense for the farm land purchase.
Option 2 – Very similar to Option 1 but set up LOC against rental property (or refinance the rental property) and use the funds to pay the $50k for the farm land. Then take $50k from the TFSA and pay down the primary mortgage principal. This would allow me to write off the interest expense for the farm land purchase.
Option 3 – Due to timing, buying farm land in the next month and mortgages up for renewal in 4.5 months…what if I took $50k from the TFSA paid for the farm land. Then when mortgage renewal time happens, I set up a LOC or refinance the rental property and then take $50k to put against my primary residence? Would this jive?
Along the lines of option 3, is there anything from stopping me from refinancing the entire rental property and then taking the equity from that property to pay down my primary residence? Then come tax time I would have paid less in interest on my primary, but more on the rental…which could save me in taxes.

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Disclaimer: it is my first time reading the book. I am still getting used to the story and its culture. I am also dyslexic. Please give me some grace, dont attack me 🥲. Thanks!
OMG THE ENDING OF THE FIRST BOOK IS SOOOO GOOD. I feel like the TV show completely butchered it :(
Post BJR horrible assault:

1. OKAY. ELLEN MACKENZIE WAS A MODEL😎 She had many admirers and men in love with her. I love how much she comes up in the books. The whole "yeah I gave her this present but she didn't marry me" theme had me giggling like an idiot. Brian Fraser was a real winner!!!
   
2. In the show Jamie immediately has the attitude of "I don't wanna be saved" and doesn't even want Claire to heal his hand.
   
3. In the book Jamie is more calm. And allows Claire and the monks to help him and heal him. Claire does her best to fix Jamie's hand without him complaining.
   

Even in the middle of this nightmare, Jamie seems to not have lost his sense of humor and his usual charming self. He made two penis jokes through this 🤣🤌🏼 what an absolute icon.

1. J+C's connection in this last chapters truly made me believe that they're soulmates. I don't believe in this in real life ofc, but you bet I now believe it in the outlander world. ❤️
   
2. Loved the friendship and connection between father Anslem and Claire and how this took her through a bit of a spiritual/religious journey!
   
3. The ceremony to say "goodbye" to Jamie was very beautiful. I feel like, even if you're not religious, this scene will touch you for sure. It made me shed a few tears.
   
4. I liked the nuance that father Anslem brought to the topic of Claire being married twice. Does it counts as cheating? Frank and Jamie are from two different times and they can never exist together. Also I loved it when he said "if you want to go back to your other husband only out of duty but your heart is elsewhere, I don't think that's a good idea" (paraphrasing)
   
5. Claire's whole 'ritual' to bring BJR's memories back to Jamie while he is dying so that he would fight for his life is waaay more intense and brutal in the book. "If Jamie have had all of his strength, he would have killed me".
   
6. When Jamie opens up about what happened with BJR, he says that Randall wanted him to say "I love you" (ew) but then he calls Jamie "Alexander"?!?! I IMMEDIATELY thought of Alex Randall! Just like Claire!! Even before I read the next line!! In the show it seems like the only redeeming quality he has is that he loves his brother but now I am thinking... was he picturing himself assaulting his younger brother?!?! that leaves BJR with ZERO redeeming qualities and truly makes him the ultimate psychopathic monster. I am not surprised per se but dang... there goes the only one good thing that sadist had
   
7. Jamie being sooo romantic and so thankful to Claire because she healed his hand ❤️❤️ and how HE was the one that initiated intimacy with her!! His healing was so brutal but the final result was so beautiful and how he found his way back to Claire!!! We didn't get this in the show. NOT EVEN A BIT AND I HATE IT SO MUCH.
   
8. HOT SPRING SCENE. HOT SPRING SCENE. Absolutely beautiful and romantic!! Physical intimacy is such am important thing for this couple and this last moment really showed how Jamie was on a good path to healing. We didn't get this in the show. NOT EVEN A BIT.
   

Instead we got an extremely long and graphic torture scene between BJR and Jamie that doesn't EVEN appear in the books. And Jamie's trauma still goes on for a while, "I never thought I would be happy again" he says as Claire tells him she is with child. In the book they are sharing an intimate, beautiful moment, he is happy, telling her how much he loves her when she tells him the news. Enjoying the healing time together in the nice warm water. I will never forgive the writers of the series for completely ignoring these moments that were so important for the growth of Jamie and Claire's relationship.
Now I gotta wait till next month until I can start reading/hearing the next book as I am using monthly audible credit and I already used this month's for the first book lol. Oh well.

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My boyfriend (21m) and I (22f) have been together for a year. It’s been the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I mostly have no complaints. We get along amazingly well, we have so much in common, our families both love each other, and we’re compatible in pretty much every way. The only thing is that he’s weird about his phone. Sometimes, not always, when we’re laying in bed he’ll be on his phone and he’ll tilt it away from me at a weird angle so I can’t see what he’s doing. Same with on the couch, he’ll sit in the most uncomfortable looking position just so I can’t see it. Other times, I’m able to see what he’s doing and other times he’ll ask me to use his phone while he’s driving to pull up the gps for example. Another thing I noticed is that when we first started dating he made it a point to tell me that he’s an open book and didn’t even have a password on his phone because he has nothing to hide. I’m not sure when it changed, but I noticed around late last year that he did have a password on his phone, which was new. He’s since told me the password, but I’ve never gone through it myself out of fear of what I could find.
A couple times he’s been using my phone and he’ll playfully ask to go through my camera roll, which I let him. And I say “okay let me go through yours too” and he’ll shut me down quick and say “oh I have nothing on there” and he’ll give me my phone back and change the subject. And another time recently he put his phone down next to the tv remote and I went to grab the remote and he must’ve thought I was grabbing his phone because he snatched it up super quick.
I don’t think he would cheat, but his behavior is so questionable. I don’t want to bring it up unless I have to. He’s been open with me that he struggles with sports gambling and he used to spend all his money on sports betting when he was 18-19 ish. He still checks sports scores almost obsessively. The other day he asked to use my phone, and he was holding his and I said yeah sure, why? And he told me that he had installed a software on his phone which blocks certain websites that list sports scores but he wanted to look. I said okay hesitantly because I know he struggled with sports gambling and I didn’t want him to be doing that. He said that he normally looks at the scores on his iPad but we weren’t at his house so he didn’t have it. Later the next day we’re at his house and he’s pretty much just on his iPad the whole day (it was just a sitting on the couch kind of day so we were just relaxing anyway) and he won’t let me see the screen. At one point I saw him take out his credit card and put the information in which is weird because he never buys stuff especially online. Every time I look over at him while he has his screen turned away he gives me this look like he’s checking to see if I’m watching him nervously.
We’re together so often of the time that I don’t even know when he would get the time to talk to somebody else. And I’m pretty certain he’s satisfied in our relationship because our relationship is great. I just don’t even know what to do at this point because I’m afraid to question his behavior and possibly ruin what we have, but if he’s struggling I want to help.

Hello World - So I wrote a letter to the person that led me into SCJ. Totally forgot the word they used for this and that is so exciting!!! I love forgetting them! Please don't tell me. Anyways, I had known her my whole life and a lot of shitty things went down when I left and lately I had just been getting a haunting sense of injustice towards the whole story and I needed to write out how I was feeling. Turns out, it was really cathartic. It helped me immensely. I know that there must be so many people out there who have been wronged by SCJ and have left the cult with their lives in tatters and so I wrote this for you too. You are treasure! You're worthy of new love and friendship. You’re a shining star too, damn it! Just thought someone should remind you.
Love,
Steorra
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
To Whom It May Concern,
For three years now, I’ve never felt the need to remember anything from the era of you. It surely wasn’t easy to move on from you, but I did it. You hadn’t crossed my mind in so long. Then recently, I’ve had these annoying splashes of bitter memories that turn up in my life after all this time. Stirring up, once again the desire for justice that I had to lay down a long time ago. I mean if we could put every moron who wasted our time in prison, mediocrity would cease to be, but ALAS (you always hated that word) you’re still out there. So, I moved on. I had to. That was winning in a way I never knew I needed to learn. Yet, this feeling scratches at the door anew in traumatic mystery. The only thing that’s really changed since rebuilding after you is that I started writing. However, I’ve never written about you.
At the beginning of this story, your words of eloquence secretly dripping with malice and ill-intent, entrapped me into a multi-year mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional jail sentence. Truly, if there was a tangible definition of “love-bombing” it wouldn’ be some romantic affair. It would be you. You preyed upon my fragile heart that was experiencing burn-out after years in ministry. You took that as the perfect opportunity to build up your empire from my ashes. Blaming the church for every hard thing I experienced along the way and providing the comfort and shoulder to cry on that I needed. You manipulated me into doubting my faith, my community, my family and you did it all with your fancy parable studies and promises of a heavenly future.
Well. Maybe if your words got me into this whole mess, maybe words can help me hammer the final nail into this coffin-like story once and for all. In all honesty, my words have been timid, scared, and shaken since you shattered me and left me to pick up the pieces all by myself. But I did it. I picked up every piece and rebuilt it. I rebuilt a life I can be proud of. I don’t have a life of luxury by any means, but I have a new sense of dignity and fight I never knew I could have. Dignity. Now there’s something you’ll never understand, so I’ll just move on.
Since you, everyone on the outside thinks I’m delayed in livelihood. They don’t always say it out loud, but it’s written all over their faces. Even someone like you could see it. They think I’m behind in life because I don’t have a list of things I can post on my facebook marking the monuments of a thriving christian life. But it’s because they don’t know. They are completely unaware that while they were living their lives with minor obstacles, my twenties were a full blown quiet war in constant brainwashing combat. A silent war; still bloody, deadly, filled with casualties and loss that even the strongest of men couldn’t withstand. It shattered the best of fiery faith and struck with deceptions full of the strongest poison earth could offer. And I fought like hell to thrive, then to survive, and then to flee when the walls of my life were burning down all around me. I dragged myself from their smoke, fire, and deception to the edge of the battlefield and overcame it. My flag was left standing, but none of my “friends” were left standing beside me. Not even my “best friend.”
But no war is really over when it’s over. Soldiers who return from combat deal with wounds, scars seen and unseen, trauma, fear, invisible enemies all around them and inside them triggered by the smallest of things in everyday life. If figuratively that was the war and I was the last soldier standing, I returned home to a world that was completely contaminated by your warfare. I can’t listen to my favorite song anymore, because it makes me think of you and the nights sitting on the floor of my kitchen bruising my arms and soaking the night with sorrow I didn’t know my body could hold. Wondering where my friend had gone.
Since you, victory wasn’t immediate. I lost everything in the war. Just as you intended. Family, community, romance, purpose, and childhood. I bet that doesn't even keep you up at night. You would need a conscience for that. You have known me since I was three. You had the trust that only a lifetime could grow. Looking back now, that was really the only way I was ever going to join your backyard cult. Following someone I loved. I’ve come to believe from this experience that childhood betrayal is the worst kind of betrayal. You see, you took all of my youth and you don’t even care. The thought that I could have had an upbringing without you and all the heartbreak you caused makes me so angry because I want that SO BADLY. Instead I live in the aftermath of the nightmare that was you. Haunting the nostalgia of my life with every detail that led up to being sacrificed on the altar you helped them construct. They turned me into a warning and a lesson against “rebellion.” But you basically authored the whole story until I was a lifetime of being the victim in a tragic tale I can’t rewind. You are my wild regret in life.
So that was a little taste, but here’s what I truly think of you after hurting me for all those years. I hope you make it to the top of this ladder you’re climbing. I hope you reach all the glory you wanted. You left every dream you had and everyone in your life behind to do it, so I hope you get it. I hope they praise your name, give you an office, a title, a class, a spouse, a child, all the fruit your heart could desire. At the top of your dream when you least expect it, I hope someone kicks that ladder out from underneath you and lets you dangle in an endless uncertainty until you finally plummet into the deepest darkest loss you’ve ever known. Just like you did to me.
I hope you get 10x as far as I did…. before they betray you and leave you out in the cold without an apology or a bit of credit in your direction. I hope no one helps you heal and you have to do it all alone. I hope you start hurting yourself because you have no where to place the blame but on your own head. I hope you question your own intelligence and wonder where it all went wrong. I hope you sob on your kitchen floor. I hope they come to your door and ask you “what’s wrong?” like they have no idea why you could have slipped into these wildly uncalled for emotions. I hope they blame it on your humanity and gas light every desire you have to be seen and heard. Just like you did to me.
…and I hope everyone forgets you. Just like you did me.
Long after you’ve healed and moved on. I hope a figurative Mt. Vesuvius blankets that backyard cult you loved in an unrecognizable layer of ash and poisonous gas and fades out from existence of this world. It’ll seep through bars of the earth into Hades forever condemned and forgotten. Just like you….and just like you did to me.
Anyways. *Takes deep breath.* I live by the water now. It’s really peaceful. There’s no running, no toiling, no drama, no noise. It’s the kind of quiet you said we’d never have until it all ended, but here it is. I like to write here. I have a dog. He’s a good friend. You could learn a lot from him. He’s really loyal and he never eats his own vomit.
I see God in every wave, tree, and animal here. A beautiful reminder that not everything we were reading was false. Just all the parts they made up and exploited vulnerable people with.
There is a part of me that knows there’s a truth underneath this story that I haven’t mentioned yet. A piece that would give you some credit. It’s true, I would not be as strong as I am today without you in my story. I would not be as thoughtful. Careful. Hard working. Discerning. Hell, I wouldn’t have started writing. I now write stories of hope. True friendship. Redemption. Gratefulness. Don’t worry, you’ll never be making a cameo in any of my work unless I need a back-stabbing-20-something-bitch who drives a janky Honda around the suburbs and can’t afford her $6 cup of trendy coffee. It’s funny to think you all think the great betrayer is Mr. Oh. Oh no, it’s you, you crusty bitch, and I wouldn’t be paranoid of people taking advantage of me without you. I would still be naive, innocent, childlike, and hopelessly good-hearted.
So while you were trying to tear down my life and steal my happiness, I’ve rebuilt parts of me that are now unshakable. I’ve found a purpose that brings me pure joy. I help people. I spend time with my family. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You gave me the fight inside of me to get here. I’m unstoppable now. I don’t laugh as much as I used to, but I’m working on that. I’ll get there. Don’t worry. You can’t have that either, sorry.
Let’s talk about your “group” for a minute. I played by their impossible rules because they promised endless paradise, but the gods of your backyard cult were so weak. They're all just narcissists that like to hear themselves talk, but the voices of basement dwellers and secret keepers aren’t noble. They’re scared of losing their precious power and they were just wrong. At the end of the day, they were just dumb kids who followed wolves into pastures to lose the uniqueness God created for them.
Foundationally, there’s no point to a heaven that isolates, shuns, and abandons. No one wants your mascot-serving gospel. The heaven they showed us was black and white. We were never supposed to be contained within perfect lines and marketed by race. We were supposed to walk with God in the Garden of Eden in the beautiful mystery of wild creation. I hope heaven is a kaleidoscope of color, people, and joy and absolutely nothing like the one you tried to film and show us all.
By the way, I only teach elementary math here, but I’m pretty sure your numbers are wrong, but hey! What do I know? I’m just a “star that fell from heaven!” Thank goodness too. After I “fell,” I learned to shine without you. I did it all by myself and I might not be in the sky anymore, but I’m pretty beautiful walking around all these earthlings if I do say so myself. A couple of scars here and there, but you don’t get any of the profits of this light, this strength, and this peace. I earned that and I protect it pretty “religiously.”
To your group, I was a lost cause to their superior cause. Too fucked in the head to be helped. My human anxiety was just too big for their god. Turns out that big anxiety saved my life. Also, it turns out their god was really small because my God met me with huge, sovereign arms and prodigal joy when I finally returned home. Truth is, Calvary says I’m not hard to love, but treasure just wasn't made for everybody.
Now, I’m about to turn 30 in a few days and I’ve been reminiscing about all the childhood memories tainted by your presence, so I decided to make new ones. I’m going to WASTE a whole day riding roller coasters for my birthday. Watch the movies and listen to the music you never approved of. Wear cheetah print converse. Get a tattoo?? Dye my hair an UNNATURAL color?? Wear earrings everywhere!! Drink my wine in public. You know. Go TOTALLY crazy. Try to be young again. For me. For kid me.
So thank you. I’m here because of you and I’m going to have so many more days and memories without you that I look forward to. I will never take that for granted. Like you did me. Cuz I'm a shining star, bitch!
Love,
Your Shining Star ✨

I'm trying to blitz out getting through Spanish on Duolingo. My trial for Duolingo Max is coming to an end, but it seems best to leave it in place with a subscription. My goal is to get through the 230 units in Spanish and see where that takes me in learning Spanish.
I've seen earlier posts about people trying to set a pace of a unit a day. I was using the free Duolingo when I started, but I quickly discovered that the ads just slow things down too much. Plus fighting for hearts was annoying. Somewhere with either Super or Max, I picked up the ability to drill with the little barbell icon. This is very valuable to me.
I've seen posts from people talking about people cheating in leagues. Some of the posts talked about how fast someone was making XP. To give away my secret, here we go. This last week, I hit over 20,000 XP during the week. In the week, I knocked out my unit-a-day goal. I'm on day 18 and on Unit 10 in Section 2. Moving through the lessons rapidly causes the opportunities for the x2 XP period of time, which is 15 minutes. Once I get in the x2 XP period, I move directly to drilling. The "biggest bang for the buck" in drilling is "Speak." It's actually wonderful that this is the best pick, because there are many that believe that the weakness of an online app is not getting to speak.
When drilling when not in the x2 XP period, I listen to what is said, and try again and again to get my speech correct using my own ear for feedback. I try to imitate even the tone of the character (e.g., I drone on like Lilly, I try to be a little kid, I talk really fast, I try to sound pompous, etc.). But during the x2 XP period, I take off immediately and read the sentence. If I'm moving, I can get through the 10 sentences in as low as 32 seconds, but mostly a bit higher (e.g., into the 40s and 50s). There is some turnaround overhead in getting going to the next round of speaking (perhaps 15 seconds), so if I am moving, in a 15 minute period, I can crank out over 1,000 XP, probably approaching 1,500 XP. If there was a real battle to win the league, I can spend 100 gems to get the 15 minute period extended. I have accidentally pressed this button to extend, only because the software on my iPad has this at right about the same spot as the Continue button. So, getting to 20,000 XP for the week is a pretty doable thing--no cheating required.
The voice recognition software is a little weak at times, so when drilling, I know I missed the pronunciation, but the system gives me credit anyway.
The little three-star games off to the side of the lesson trail helps me work on fast-matching my vocabulary. The software is set up just perfect for me to fail at the very end. The company wants be to spend 450 gems or buy a package of 1-minute extensions, but I'm not going that far. My gems would be all gone too quickly, causing a need to actually thrown down real money beyond the subscription to get that extra time boost.
So that's my league strategy. This website is about gamification, and gamification is going to be something I hope causes me to actively engage in a big way in order to compete at a high level. But the unit-a-day thing is just a whole other thing. People talk about immersion as the fastest way to learn a language, but I'm not leaving home anytime soon, so immersion is going to be more of a trick than a travel plan.
So, here is my immersion plan. No, I changed my mind. That will be some other post. I'll just keep this as the post about setting the challenge for doing a unit a day for my Spanish learning. It's likely I could fall off the path rather quickly. After all, Section 1 gives the student a false sense that progress won't be that difficult. Like doing something like the Pacific Crest Trail, there are many that sign their names up at the start, but a lot fewer that make it to the end.
So, if you want in on this challenge with me, send me a friend request in Duolingo. My handle is the same. Start from wherever you are, meaning if you are on 43 units in, and think you can take the challenge from there, you are committing to being at unit 50 a week later. Maybe we will all fail to reach this goal, but maybe just shooting for the stars will get us to the moon!

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Game offers
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