Basket bingo delaware may 2011
Gryffindor Tower
2011.06.11 04:17 CatholicGuy Gryffindor Tower
By Gryffindor, the bravest were prized far beyond the rest. Are you a Gryffindor? Visit the FAQ at /harrypotter to join our House: https://www.reddit.com/harrypottewiki/index
2024.05.14 07:11 hyvarjus Augusta Precious Metals Review: Fees, Services, and Customer Experiences
Investing in precious metals like gold and silver has been a reliable way to diversify your portfolio and protect your wealth against market volatility. One of the standout companies in this field is Augusta Precious Metals. In this comprehensive review, I'll cover everything you need to know about Augusta Precious Metals, from their services and fees to their customer service and overall reputation.
Augusta Precious Metals specializes in helping customers set up self-directed IRAs that include physical gold and silver. Unlike traditional IRAs, these self-directed accounts allow you to invest in physical precious metals, providing a tangible asset that can hedge against economic downturns and inflation.
Physical Gold and Silver
In addition to IRAs, Augusta offers direct sales of gold and silver for personal investment. They provide a range of products, including bullion coins, bars, and premium coins. This allows investors to diversify their holdings outside of a retirement account.
Account Setup and Annual Fees
Additional Costs
Account Lifetime Service
One of the standout features of Augusta Precious Metals is their "account lifetime service." This means you can count on ongoing support from their helpful staff for as long as you hold an account with them. This level of service is rare in the industry and underscores Augusta's commitment to customer satisfaction.
Educational Resources
Augusta goes above and beyond in educating its customers. They offer a free gold IRA guide that explains the benefits and potential risks of investing in precious metals. Additionally, they host educational webinars and have an on-staff Harvard-trained economist, Devlyn Steele, who provides insights into market trends and economic forecasts.
Payments by check are capped at $50,000, while bank wire transfers have no cap. It's important to note that Augusta does not accept payments via PayPal, Bitcoin, or other cryptocurrencies.
Testimonials
Many customers have praised Augusta for their transparency, customer service, and educational resources. Here are a few testimonials:
Whether you're new to investing in precious metals or looking to diversify your retirement portfolio, Augusta Precious Metals provides the tools, support, and expertise you need to make informed decisions. With their solid reputation and customer-focused approach, you can feel confident entrusting your precious metals investments to Augusta.
For more information or to get started with your gold IRA, visit Augusta Precious Metals' website and download their free gold IRA guide.
submitted by hyvarjus to AugustaGoldIRAReview [link] [comments]
What is Augusta Precious Metals?
Augusta Precious Metals is a leading provider of gold and silver IRAs, catering primarily to those looking to diversify their retirement savings. Established in 2012, the company has quickly built a reputation for transparency, customer service, and educational resources aimed at helping investors make informed decisions.Key Services and Products
Gold and Silver IRAsAugusta Precious Metals specializes in helping customers set up self-directed IRAs that include physical gold and silver. Unlike traditional IRAs, these self-directed accounts allow you to invest in physical precious metals, providing a tangible asset that can hedge against economic downturns and inflation.
Physical Gold and Silver
In addition to IRAs, Augusta offers direct sales of gold and silver for personal investment. They provide a range of products, including bullion coins, bars, and premium coins. This allows investors to diversify their holdings outside of a retirement account.
Fees and Pricing
Understanding the fee structure is crucial for any investor. Here's a breakdown of the fees you can expect when working with Augusta Precious Metals:Account Setup and Annual Fees
- One-time setup fee: $50
- Annual custodian fee: $100
- Annual storage fee: $100
Additional Costs
- Shipping fee: $0
- Transit insurance fee: $0
Customer Service and Support
Augusta Precious Metals prides itself on offering exceptional customer service. Each customer is assigned a dedicated agent to guide them through the process of setting up an IRA or purchasing precious metals. This personalized approach ensures that all your questions are answered and you feel confident in your investment decisions.Account Lifetime Service
One of the standout features of Augusta Precious Metals is their "account lifetime service." This means you can count on ongoing support from their helpful staff for as long as you hold an account with them. This level of service is rare in the industry and underscores Augusta's commitment to customer satisfaction.
Educational Resources
Augusta goes above and beyond in educating its customers. They offer a free gold IRA guide that explains the benefits and potential risks of investing in precious metals. Additionally, they host educational webinars and have an on-staff Harvard-trained economist, Devlyn Steele, who provides insights into market trends and economic forecasts.
Security and Storage
When you invest in physical gold or silver, secure storage is essential. Augusta Precious Metals partners with the Delaware Depository, a highly secure facility that provides segregated storage for your assets. This means your precious metals are stored separately from those of other investors, ensuring that you receive exactly what you invested in when you choose to withdraw your holdings.Buyback Policy
Augusta Precious Metals offers a buyback policy, although it does not guarantee repurchase. Historically, they have made buyback offers for the products they sell, providing liquidity for investors who decide to sell their holdings. This policy adds an extra layer of security, knowing that there is a potential buyer for your assets if needed.Payment Methods
To open an account with Augusta Precious Metals, you can use the following payment methods: bank wire transfers, personal checks, and bank checks.Payments by check are capped at $50,000, while bank wire transfers have no cap. It's important to note that Augusta does not accept payments via PayPal, Bitcoin, or other cryptocurrencies.
Refund Policy
For first-time customers, Augusta offers a 7-day money-back guarantee for premium gold and silver coin transactions. This policy allows new investors to make their initial purchases with peace of mind, knowing they have the option to cancel their order if they change their minds. However, subsequent orders are final upon completion of the recorded confirmation call unless state laws provide for a longer cancellation period.Customer Reviews and Ratings
Augusta Precious Metals has received numerous accolades and positive reviews from both customers and industry experts. They hold an A+ rating from the Better Business Bureau (BBB) and a AAA rating from the Business Consumer Alliance (BCA). Additionally, they have been named "Best Overall Gold IRA Company" by Money magazine for multiple years and "Most Transparent Pricing" by Investopedia.Testimonials
Many customers have praised Augusta for their transparency, customer service, and educational resources. Here are a few testimonials:
- John D.: "Augusta Precious Metals made the process of setting up a gold IRA straightforward and stress-free. Their team was always available to answer my questions and provide guidance."
- Sarah K.: "I appreciate Augusta's commitment to educating their customers. Their webinars and guides gave me the confidence to diversify my retirement savings with gold and silver."
- Michael R.: "The account lifetime service is a game-changer. It's reassuring to know that I have ongoing support for my investments."
Ethical Practices
Augusta Precious Metals prides itself on ethical business practices. They educate consumers on how to avoid common scams in the precious metals industry and are transparent about their pricing and fees. Unlike some competitors, they do not use high-pressure sales tactics or scare tactics to push customers into making purchases.Special Promotions and Perks
While Augusta Precious Metals does not offer traditional promo codes or discounts, they do have special promotions. For instance, depending on the size of your investment, you could have your fees waived for up to 10 years. Additionally, when you open a gold IRA account, you'll receive a complimentary gold coin as a gift.Pros and Cons
Pros- Transparency: Clear and upfront about fees and policies.
- Customer Service: Personalized and ongoing support with the account lifetime service.
- Educational Resources: Extensive materials to help investors make informed decisions.
- Storage: Secure and segregated storage options are available through the Delaware Depository.
- Buyback Policy: Offers liquidity for your investments.
- High Minimum Investment: A minimum of $50,000 may be prohibitive for some investors.
- Limited Online Transactions: You cannot complete transactions online, which may be inconvenient for some customers.
Conclusion
Augusta Precious Metals stands out as a top choice for those looking to invest in gold and silver IRAs. Their commitment to transparency, customer service, and education makes them a reliable partner in your investment journey. While the high minimum investment might be a barrier for some, the benefits and security offered by Augusta make it a compelling option for serious investors.Whether you're new to investing in precious metals or looking to diversify your retirement portfolio, Augusta Precious Metals provides the tools, support, and expertise you need to make informed decisions. With their solid reputation and customer-focused approach, you can feel confident entrusting your precious metals investments to Augusta.
For more information or to get started with your gold IRA, visit Augusta Precious Metals' website and download their free gold IRA guide.
2024.05.14 07:06 Icy_Pumpkin_9760 Not the best pictures, but help?
 | I’ll probably post both of our other dogs at some point, but this is Bingo. submitted by Icy_Pumpkin_9760 to IDmydog [link] [comments] The main reason the photos are bad is because if she’s not sleeping, she’s Not. Sitting. Still. Found her on Facebook when she was 9 weeks old. Her mom’s human, who lives in a very rural area where pet ownership is less than responsible, said “oh our dog is a lab but we haven’t had her long and she got out and we think she hooked up with the neighbor’s heeler.” At the time, Bingo here (yes, we named her after Bluey’s little sister because we and our kiddo are fans) looked like a lab and heeler. We paid $50 for this dog just to cover food. We were lied to. That or the human just didn’t know. Either way, the way this dog’s head is shaped, I suspect she’s more on the pit side than the lab side. She’s got little speckle spots of coloring on her legs, so I believe the heeler part. She might be 50lbs now, and STAYS skinny - we moved out to my parents’ farm last year and she has decided to live up to half her heritage and spend most of the day outside with the horses and cows. She eats anything at least once, we’ve had her checked and dewormed, she’s just skinny. With a MUSCLY flank. She’s wicked speedy when she runs, but she has zero common sense and does not seem to learn from her repeat mistakes 7/10 times. She’s improved a lot since she turned 2, but she also is obsessed with licking people and refusing to take no for an answer about cuddles. So while I’m pretty sure she may have a little pit and heeler, does anyone else have an idea? |
2024.05.14 06:47 KAKS-GADGETS 1set Finger Tools Thumb Cutter Protector Pruning Shears Garden Picking Plant Vegetables Separator Multifunction
 | The "1 set Finger Tools Thumb Cutter Protector Pruning Shears Garden Picking Plant Vegetables Separator Multifunction" is a gardening tool set designed to assist with various tasks involved in gardening and plant care. Here's a breakdown of its features: submitted by KAKS-GADGETS to u/KAKS-GADGETS [link] [comments]
KAKS https://preview.redd.it/lu2vwet0ob0d1.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d221d4853c2de5b82ba0fda794fdfda9625a7467 |
2024.05.14 06:46 ShedSoManyTears4Gaza 2011 - Bill Clinton reveals truth about Israeli and Palestinian Governments and why the US always vetoes for Israel "There is a widespread feeling in the world, that this current Israeli government may have abandoned the intention of working with the Palestinians to create a state on the West Bank"
 | submitted by ShedSoManyTears4Gaza to fight_disinformation [link] [comments] |
2024.05.14 06:45 ShedSoManyTears4Gaza 2011 - Bill Clinton reveals truth about Israeli and Palestinian Governments and why the US always vetoes for Israel "There is a widespread feeling in the world, that this current Israeli government may have abandoned the intention of working with the Palestinians to create a state on the West Bank"
| | submitted by ShedSoManyTears4Gaza to YesAmericaBad [link] [comments] |
2024.05.14 06:44 ShedSoManyTears4Gaza 2011 - Bill Clinton reveals truth about Israeli and Palestinian Governments and why the US always vetoes for Israel "There is a widespread feeling in the world, that this current Israeli government may have abandoned the intention of working with the Palestinians to create a state on the West Bank"
| | submitted by ShedSoManyTears4Gaza to chomsky [link] [comments] |
2024.05.14 06:23 AWlkingContradction My advice for finding a private landlord to rent from
If you've been trying to find a SFH, duplex, townhome, or condo to rent in recent years instead of an apartment, you've probably noticed a suspicious trend that it seems like huge corporations are buying up as much property as they can. THEY ARE!
If you really want to be depressed read This article from the AJC.
They estimate there's at least 65,000 homes in Metro Atlanta owned by these groups!
I personally tried really hard over the last 2 years to find a privately owned home to rent and I finally lucked out this time. I move in on June 1st.
My advice to anyone looking to find the same would be this:
submitted by AWlkingContradction to ATLHousing [link] [comments]
If you really want to be depressed read This article from the AJC.
They estimate there's at least 65,000 homes in Metro Atlanta owned by these groups!
I personally tried really hard over the last 2 years to find a privately owned home to rent and I finally lucked out this time. I move in on June 1st.
My advice to anyone looking to find the same would be this:
- Notice a trend of companies that keep showing up in listings? Make a list, check their reviews on Google, then start avoiding them! Invitation Homes (formerly Excalibur Homes), Progress Residential, Main Street Renewal, Tricon Residential, and a few other players have thousands of houses. They notoriously avoid processing applications for homes (like 5-6 week wait for an approval or rejection!) and if you somehow do manage to get approved communication and maintenance work follow through is terrible. Avoid companies like this at all costs.
- Check Trulia, Zillow, GeorgiaMls, Apartments, and Homes .com websites regularly. I spent a lot of time on Trulia because besides saving homes on their once I made an account I could also "Hide" properties from companies like the above mentioned. I also crosschecked RentingGA frequently because it was tied to MLS listings and it also showed the listing company in the preview. I could quickly see if it was an offender like Invitation and avoid wasting my time on that house.
- Cross-check listings!!!! Find a good one on one site but it just lists a name and number but now company for the listing agent? Google it. Chances are the address will give you a search result of a listing with 3 or 4 other credible websites like those mentioned above. The first place you find the listing may not say who the listing agent is affiliated with, but the 2nd one might.
- Still don't find that an agency tied to that name? You might be in luck!!! That could be a private owner. Next, try and find the property owner through county ownership and tax records. Go to this website to look up Cobb County Tax Assessor Records You can look up Fulton County Assessor Records here You can look up Dekalb County Tax Assessor Records here. Enter the address on these sites to search, and see who shows up on the ownership record. Does the company name or personal name match their contact info on the listing? BINGO!!! this might be a private owner! To go a step further, you can click on the name or company name and it will tell you how many properties are associated to this person or company. I verified my soon to be landlord this way, and it showed that he owns 2 other properties in Cobb County.
- DO target listings by local or known national real estate agencies. Keller Williams, ReMax, and Home Smart appear to list homes for clients, and they may manage them too, but they are not nearly on the same scale of property management as Invitation or Progress for example. Twice I talked to Home Smart RE agents that were listing homes they actually owned and were renting out themselves.
- Take a chance on listings that show LESS information. Find the ones that don't look like a bad buzzword stuffed sales pitch. Find ones that don't name a company with the listing agent name. Check out listings with vague info or pics further. It might not look like a polished real estate ad because they aren't a polished real estate agent or property management company.
2024.05.14 06:16 CravinMorehed NYS Tax Agent - Karen
NY State Tax Dept/IRS
GeneralI have a small company in NY. S Corp created in 2006. I receive a call from a NYS Tax Compliance officer. BTW, I have an accountant, 25yrs. Agent tells me I did not file Business Tax returns in 2010 and 2011. I say, "its May , 2024? 14 years ago.
I express incredulity, I cant believe this call. She is belligerent, curt, and down rignt arrogant. Oh, she then tells me my Corp. is an invalid Corp in NY. As mentioned before, I formed my Corp in 2006, 18 yrs ago. I am like WTF are you talking about, I have filed NYS Taxes for the past 18yrs under the same corp. Now its wrong, 2024.
I call my accountant, he has no effin idea what the hell is going on. I get verification phone numbers and badge, and she is real with NYS Tax office. She tells me my tax liability is $947, but I owe $3,425.00. This is for a tax return 14 years ago, that the state cant find.
Working on tax issue, CP361, CF2553....just what I want to do.
I call Tax Karen, explain what I am doing to attempt to resolve these effin issues. Log into my Chase account, Tax Karen, took the $$$$$ out of my account. Holding it. Bullshit. I am moving to the Philippines.
2024.05.14 06:15 theconstellinguist Borders, Power Shifts, and Gender: Power Shifts at Border Checkpoints Seem to be Processed on Women's Bodies in Ukraine and Russia: Patterns of Gender-Based Violence in Conflict-Affected Ukraine: A Descriptive Analysis of Internally Displaced and Local Women Receiving Psychosocial Services
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/
Checkpoints for the displaced showed the most violence, literally predating on women when they were the most vulnerable by armed men.
Almost 8% of violent incidents against displaced women occurred at checkpoints or at reception centers for internally displaced persons (IDP) and 20% were perpetrated by armed men.
Majority of Ukrainian female respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%)
A survey of internally displaced persons (IDPs) in Ukraine found that a majority of respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%), and only 22% held regular employment (Roberts et al., 2017).
Women fleeing violence are most likely to be exposed to sexually violent men exactly at the moments they were most expecting protection. This suggests a pattern of men who watch for the female victims of their enemies, and then violate them when they come to them, simply out of nationalist/ethnicist hate crime, with no care about their status as a victim.
Meta-analytic findings estimate a 21% prevalence of sexual violence among female refugees and IDPs (Vu et al., 2014).
A 2014 national survey conducted shortly after the start of the conflict found that 19% of 15–49 year old women had experienced violence since the age of 15 compared to 17% in 2007 (Martsenyuk et al., 2014).
Displaced women were more likely to experience sexual violence
Furthermore, we hypothesized that among GBV survivors: 1) proportionally more violent acts against displaced women would be non-domestic and associated with combat operations (i.e., demobilized and active governmental and non-governmental soldiers); 2) displaced women would be more likely to experience sexual violence than local women; and 3) patterns of reporting and referrals would differ depending on a woman’s residency status.
UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013) was used
The adaptation process followed the recommendations of the GBV-IMS Rollout Guidelines (UNFPA, n.d.) and the UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013), and entailed piloting the tool with several mobile teams and incorporating the feedback from the field.
Definition of internally displaced person
Ukrainian law defines an internally displaced person as “a citizen of Ukraine, a foreigner or a stateless person who is in the territory of Ukraine legally and has the right to reside permanently in Ukraine, and who was forced to leave his place of residence due to armed conflict, temporary occupation, widespread violence, human rights violations or emergencies of natural or man-made nature” (On Ensuring the Rights and Freedoms of Internally Displaced Persons, 2014).
Forced marriage with economic abuse followed with rape and sexual assault
Determination of GBV type was made by mobile team members using the GBV-IMS classification tool (UNFPA et al., 2011). The form instructs providers to select only one GBV type per case based on a series of questions asked in a specific order, as follows: 1) rape (if any type of penetration occurred); 2) sexual assault (if there was unwanted sexual contact); 3) physical assault (if there was physical battery); 4) forced marriage; 5) economic violence (in cases of denial of resources, opportunities, or services); 6) psychological or emotional abuse (if the incident involved insults, name-calling, and humiliation); and 7) no GBV (if none of the above). If, for example, a woman reported experiencing unwanted sexual contact, the provider would classify the case as “sexual assault” and continue to the following section.
One in five women who experienced violence were unemployed, showing these violent perpetrators may keep their victims from employment or sabotage their employment purposefully to put them in harm’s way.
More than one in five (21.6%) women who experienced violence were unemployed, with no differences between the groups. Overall, slightly less than one-third (30.7%) of the women engaged in unpaid labor such as elder and childcare, with significantly higher proportions among local women. Proportionally more displaced women had a professional occupation (24.6% vs. 20.0%, p<0.001).
78.3% of women reported that a man raped them. Half of the women reported psychological abuse in addition, showing many rapists are psychologically abusive before and after as a tell-tale sign.
More than three-quarters (78.3%) of women reported that a man was the perpetrator. In nearly half of the cases, the perpetrator was an intimate partner (49.5%); and in roughly one in five (21.8%) a family member. Psychological abuse (48.4%) was reported by almost half of the women (See Table 2).
Compared to local women, proportionally more displaced women reported an incident of rape or sexual abuse (3.1% vs. 2.1%, p<0.001) or economic abuse (23.4% vs. 14.4%, p<0.001).
Gender based violence affects one million women annually in Ukraine
GBV is a grave human rights violation that affects an estimated one million women annually in Ukraine (Barrett et al., 2012). Social disruption and frail economic conditions in humanitarian settings further aggravate women’s vulnerability to violence, particularly for displaced women (Stark & Ager, 2011; Stark et al., 2017). This analysis supports our primary hypothesis that the experience of violence differs by survivors’ residency status. Specifically, we found differences in terms of relationship to the perpetrator, type of violence experienced and access to care between local and displaced women.
Checkpoints, or borderlines, nebulous zones of power shifts were huge points of violence to Ukrainian women, showing power shifts are often signaled by violence, especially to the most vulnerable.
Notably, 20.0% of displaced women in our sample experienced violence at the hands of armed men compared to 5.3% of local women. We also found that checkpoints between government-controlled and non-government–controlled areas and IDP reception centers posed a particular risk for displaced women in our study.
38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women, meaning people were actively preying on people who were displaced, not protecting them. This shows Ukrainian women are at huge risk of opportunistic rape by the very men pretending to be safe.
Whereas sexual violence was the least common type of reported violence, 38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women.
Ukrainian women come from a long history of corrupt police, so they did not report to the police because the police do not work for them and never have. That is not their fault; it is their country and area’s fault.
Studies in conflict-affected Ukraine found that a majority of survivors were unwilling to report GBV incidents to the police, particularly among internally displaced women (UCSR, 2018).
Because of this violence around the very people that were supposed to protect them, Ukrainian women are less likely to file a police report. Displaced women were even more unlikely. It is an intelligent decision to not have a faith that has been factually and with evidence violated repeatedly.
we found that displaced women were less than half as likely than local women to have filed a police report.
Younger women seek gender based violence services more than older women, showing Ukrainian women are often being targeted for their fertility and not receiving justice can help them remain to be seen as a fertility commodity instead of a human being, making European countries very wary of the nation seeing how their women are treated. Women's rights feature largely in European economic inclusion.
For example, among GBV survivors in Ukraine, younger women seek services for GBV more often than older women (41% of those aged 15–29 vs. 26% those aged 40–49) (Martsenyuk et al., 2014). Therefore, this analysis is not representative of all women experiencing violence.
Domestic violence within the ranks of the warring country increased during war for Ukrainian women, instead of coming together in solidarity and mutual support
Studies in complex emergency settings have found stigma among GBV survivors, normalization of domestic violence during times of conflict, unwillingness to report men living in the home for fear of forced military recruitment, and reluctance to involve law enforcement as major reporting barriers, especially among displaced women survivors of violence (Ager et al., 2018; Stark & Ager, 2011).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/
submitted by theconstellinguist to economicabuse [link] [comments]
Patterns of Gender-Based Violence in Conflict-Affected Ukraine: A Descriptive Analysis of Internally Displaced and Local Women Receiving Psychosocial Services
Arbitrary Displacement Is a Structural Rot that Hegemonizes Economic Abuse and with it Economic CollapseCheckpoints for the displaced showed the most violence, literally predating on women when they were the most vulnerable by armed men.
Almost 8% of violent incidents against displaced women occurred at checkpoints or at reception centers for internally displaced persons (IDP) and 20% were perpetrated by armed men.
Majority of Ukrainian female respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%)
A survey of internally displaced persons (IDPs) in Ukraine found that a majority of respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%), and only 22% held regular employment (Roberts et al., 2017).
Women fleeing violence are most likely to be exposed to sexually violent men exactly at the moments they were most expecting protection. This suggests a pattern of men who watch for the female victims of their enemies, and then violate them when they come to them, simply out of nationalist/ethnicist hate crime, with no care about their status as a victim.
Meta-analytic findings estimate a 21% prevalence of sexual violence among female refugees and IDPs (Vu et al., 2014).
A 2014 national survey conducted shortly after the start of the conflict found that 19% of 15–49 year old women had experienced violence since the age of 15 compared to 17% in 2007 (Martsenyuk et al., 2014).
Displaced women were more likely to experience sexual violence
Furthermore, we hypothesized that among GBV survivors: 1) proportionally more violent acts against displaced women would be non-domestic and associated with combat operations (i.e., demobilized and active governmental and non-governmental soldiers); 2) displaced women would be more likely to experience sexual violence than local women; and 3) patterns of reporting and referrals would differ depending on a woman’s residency status.
UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013) was used
The adaptation process followed the recommendations of the GBV-IMS Rollout Guidelines (UNFPA, n.d.) and the UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013), and entailed piloting the tool with several mobile teams and incorporating the feedback from the field.
Definition of internally displaced person
Ukrainian law defines an internally displaced person as “a citizen of Ukraine, a foreigner or a stateless person who is in the territory of Ukraine legally and has the right to reside permanently in Ukraine, and who was forced to leave his place of residence due to armed conflict, temporary occupation, widespread violence, human rights violations or emergencies of natural or man-made nature” (On Ensuring the Rights and Freedoms of Internally Displaced Persons, 2014).
Forced marriage with economic abuse followed with rape and sexual assault
Determination of GBV type was made by mobile team members using the GBV-IMS classification tool (UNFPA et al., 2011). The form instructs providers to select only one GBV type per case based on a series of questions asked in a specific order, as follows: 1) rape (if any type of penetration occurred); 2) sexual assault (if there was unwanted sexual contact); 3) physical assault (if there was physical battery); 4) forced marriage; 5) economic violence (in cases of denial of resources, opportunities, or services); 6) psychological or emotional abuse (if the incident involved insults, name-calling, and humiliation); and 7) no GBV (if none of the above). If, for example, a woman reported experiencing unwanted sexual contact, the provider would classify the case as “sexual assault” and continue to the following section.
One in five women who experienced violence were unemployed, showing these violent perpetrators may keep their victims from employment or sabotage their employment purposefully to put them in harm’s way.
More than one in five (21.6%) women who experienced violence were unemployed, with no differences between the groups. Overall, slightly less than one-third (30.7%) of the women engaged in unpaid labor such as elder and childcare, with significantly higher proportions among local women. Proportionally more displaced women had a professional occupation (24.6% vs. 20.0%, p<0.001).
78.3% of women reported that a man raped them. Half of the women reported psychological abuse in addition, showing many rapists are psychologically abusive before and after as a tell-tale sign.
More than three-quarters (78.3%) of women reported that a man was the perpetrator. In nearly half of the cases, the perpetrator was an intimate partner (49.5%); and in roughly one in five (21.8%) a family member. Psychological abuse (48.4%) was reported by almost half of the women (See Table 2).
Compared to local women, proportionally more displaced women reported an incident of rape or sexual abuse (3.1% vs. 2.1%, p<0.001) or economic abuse (23.4% vs. 14.4%, p<0.001).
Gender based violence affects one million women annually in Ukraine
GBV is a grave human rights violation that affects an estimated one million women annually in Ukraine (Barrett et al., 2012). Social disruption and frail economic conditions in humanitarian settings further aggravate women’s vulnerability to violence, particularly for displaced women (Stark & Ager, 2011; Stark et al., 2017). This analysis supports our primary hypothesis that the experience of violence differs by survivors’ residency status. Specifically, we found differences in terms of relationship to the perpetrator, type of violence experienced and access to care between local and displaced women.
Checkpoints, or borderlines, nebulous zones of power shifts were huge points of violence to Ukrainian women, showing power shifts are often signaled by violence, especially to the most vulnerable.
Notably, 20.0% of displaced women in our sample experienced violence at the hands of armed men compared to 5.3% of local women. We also found that checkpoints between government-controlled and non-government–controlled areas and IDP reception centers posed a particular risk for displaced women in our study.
38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women, meaning people were actively preying on people who were displaced, not protecting them. This shows Ukrainian women are at huge risk of opportunistic rape by the very men pretending to be safe.
Whereas sexual violence was the least common type of reported violence, 38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women.
Ukrainian women come from a long history of corrupt police, so they did not report to the police because the police do not work for them and never have. That is not their fault; it is their country and area’s fault.
Studies in conflict-affected Ukraine found that a majority of survivors were unwilling to report GBV incidents to the police, particularly among internally displaced women (UCSR, 2018).
Because of this violence around the very people that were supposed to protect them, Ukrainian women are less likely to file a police report. Displaced women were even more unlikely. It is an intelligent decision to not have a faith that has been factually and with evidence violated repeatedly.
we found that displaced women were less than half as likely than local women to have filed a police report.
Younger women seek gender based violence services more than older women, showing Ukrainian women are often being targeted for their fertility and not receiving justice can help them remain to be seen as a fertility commodity instead of a human being, making European countries very wary of the nation seeing how their women are treated. Women's rights feature largely in European economic inclusion.
For example, among GBV survivors in Ukraine, younger women seek services for GBV more often than older women (41% of those aged 15–29 vs. 26% those aged 40–49) (Martsenyuk et al., 2014). Therefore, this analysis is not representative of all women experiencing violence.
Domestic violence within the ranks of the warring country increased during war for Ukrainian women, instead of coming together in solidarity and mutual support
Studies in complex emergency settings have found stigma among GBV survivors, normalization of domestic violence during times of conflict, unwillingness to report men living in the home for fear of forced military recruitment, and reluctance to involve law enforcement as major reporting barriers, especially among displaced women survivors of violence (Ager et al., 2018; Stark & Ager, 2011).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/
2024.05.14 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!
OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.
OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.Update: February 27, 2024
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?
OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down
OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.
----NEW UPDATE----
Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.14 05:58 cagreene Never forget. Looks like adoption is back on the menu, boys!🚀
 | FYI: I am not the adopter ape of the ape now named “Gamestop Tendies Basket”. I just took the screenshot back when it happened to show to the world. If the real ape-shady would please stand up and claim him, that would be cool. But my smooth brain ass didn’t screenshot the username :( submitted by cagreene to Superstonk [link] [comments] For the new ones here, listen up… I may have gained a single wrinkle in these years. But that brain is smooth and this was fact. Remember to give back to your ape-mmunity, your fellow apes, and do nice things. If anybody else can post some of the hilarious names these apes were given please 🤣 |
2024.05.14 05:29 CravinMorehed NY State Tax Dept/IRS
I have a small company in NY. S Corp created in 2006. I receive a call from a NYS Tax Compliance officer. BTW, I have an accountant, 25yrs. Agent tells me I did not file Business Tax returns in 2010 and 2011. I say, "its May , 2024? 14 years ago.
I express incredulity, I cant believe this call. She is belligerent, curt, and down rignt arrogant. Oh, she then tells me my Corp. is an invalid Corp in NY. As mentioned before, I formed my Corp in 2006, 18 yrs ago. I am like WTF are you talking about, I have filed NYS Taxes for the past 18yrs under the same corp. Now its wrong, 2024.
I call my accountant, he has no effin idea what the hell is going on. I get verification phone numbers and badge, and she is real with NYS Tax office. She tells me my tax liability is $947, but I owe $3,425.00. This is for a tax return 14 years ago, that the state cant find.
Working on tax issue, CP361, CF2553....just what I want to do.
I call Tax Karen, explain what I am doing to attempt to resolve these effin issues. Log into my Chase account, Tax Karen, took the $$$$$ out of my account. Holding it. Bullshit. I am moving to the Philippines.
submitted by CravinMorehed to smallbusiness [link] [comments]
I express incredulity, I cant believe this call. She is belligerent, curt, and down rignt arrogant. Oh, she then tells me my Corp. is an invalid Corp in NY. As mentioned before, I formed my Corp in 2006, 18 yrs ago. I am like WTF are you talking about, I have filed NYS Taxes for the past 18yrs under the same corp. Now its wrong, 2024.
I call my accountant, he has no effin idea what the hell is going on. I get verification phone numbers and badge, and she is real with NYS Tax office. She tells me my tax liability is $947, but I owe $3,425.00. This is for a tax return 14 years ago, that the state cant find.
Working on tax issue, CP361, CF2553....just what I want to do.
I call Tax Karen, explain what I am doing to attempt to resolve these effin issues. Log into my Chase account, Tax Karen, took the $$$$$ out of my account. Holding it. Bullshit. I am moving to the Philippines.
2024.05.14 04:59 aftherith Did I break my wife's car??
2011 Ford Fiesta 5 speed My wife had mentioned that her AC hasn't been working. Tonight after work I decided to check the fuses. I pulled a couple of fuses and a relay related to the AC in the engine bay fuse box. They looked fine, I put everything back as it was. I went to start the car back up... and nothing. Lights accessories everything works, but no click, no turn over, nothing. I hadn't disconnected the battery like I should have when messing with the fuses and relay. Did I kill my wife's car? I tried swapping the fuses and relay, I checked all of the fuses related to the ignition and starter in both fuse boxes. It is acting like it does when I forget it is a manual and my foot isn't on the clutch. Any thoughts? Guesses? I plan to push it down the hill tomorrow to see if I can roll start it. My wife may just let it roll over me 😮💨
submitted by aftherith to MechanicAdvice [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 03:38 City_Index USD/CNH: AUD, NZD, JPY face hammering if Asia’s FX anchor comes loose. May 14, 2024
 | By : David Scutt, Market Analyst submitted by City_Index to Forexstrategy [link] [comments]
CNH performance influential on JPY, AUD & NZDAs the currency of the world’s second largest economy rising rapidly up the ranks of the most traded FX names worldwide, you’re doing yourself a disservice if the Chinese yuan is not on your radar. As seen in the chart below, for large periods of time, movements in USD/CNH have often been mirrored by USD/JPY, AUD/USD and NZD/USD.https://preview.redd.it/yd4hx6wmpa0d1.png?width=1835&format=png&auto=webp&s=bf1aa3b7d74c44631915dc68559b0a17b9c43846 Up until recently, USD/CNH and USD/JPY had a positive correlation in the high 0.8s on a rolling quarterly basis. For AUD/USD and NZD/USD, negative correlations above -0.9 were regularly observed over the same timeframe during the past year. While the common denominator is the US dollar, with its movements influential across the entire FX market, what is not readily known right now is the Chinese yuan is not weak but strong when you look at its performance against a basket of currencies from its major trading partners, hitting levels not seen October 2022 in April. It’s only really been weakening against the greenback. CNH an anchor for Asian FX namesEven though it’s not been enough to offset the impact of the strong US dollar entirely, measures from the People’s Bank of China (PBOC) to curb market forces seeking to weaken the yuan against the dollar have likely helped limit losses in other Asian FX names against the big dollar, making the yuan somewhat of an anchor for currencies in the region. Hence, if this anchor were to come loose, it’s very likely Asian FX names would be hammered.One only needs to look back to the yuan devaluation episode in 2015 to what may happen. And that was when the yuan’s influence was considerably smaller than it is today. Trend breakdown may explain weakening relationshipsWhile the yuan has often had strong relationships with the likes of the JPY, AUD and NZD, that’s faded somewhat in recently. Rather than being less influential on currencies across the region, the breakdown of strong established trends in other asset classes may explain the waning relationship, resulting in choppy price action as traders and investors wait for definitive signals as to which direction markets will move next.When new trends become established, it would be surprising if the relationship between the yuan and other Asia FX names does not strengthen again. Trade war risk adds to devaluation threatIf you’re looking for a major catalyst that could spark a trend change, look no further than the threat of an escalating trade war between the United States and China.If media reports are on the money, US President Joe Biden will quadruple tariffs on Chinese made electric vehicles and sharply increase levies for other green energy industries in an announcement later Tuesday, opening the door for other western governments to do the same given a concerted push to foster local green initiatives. As mentioned above, Chinese policymakers have been pushing back against market forces seeking to weaken the yuan, setting the midpoint of the USD/CNY daily trading band far stronger than market forces would imply for months on end. While not a certainty, the threat posed to China’s trade-exposed sectors from greater import barriers abroad, at a time when policymakers are fighting to prevent the yuan from weakening further, you don’t have to be Einstein to see why authorities may be temped to devalue the yuan to support its export sector. If China were to go down that path, it would likely lead to a rapid appreciation in the US dollar, generating substantial volatility not only in Asian FX names but broader financial markets. As such, watching the daily USD/CNY fix may be advantageous near-term. If a devaluation episode were to occur, it would likely be initiated at the start of onshore yuan. USD bull case also its biggest threatOutside the threat posed by trade wars, the other potential catalyst than could spark a trend change comes from the US economic data calendar with CPI, PPI and retail sales figures for April released over the next 48 hours.For the US dollar, uncomfortably sticky inflationary pressures have been a major factor behind its strength this year, combining with strong, above-trend economic growth to delay the start of the Federal Reserve’s rate cutting cycle. https://preview.redd.it/48iobvyrpa0d1.png?width=1835&format=png&auto=webp&s=db6418194004169e8f6dfd4feaaccb9c3b1d6067 With these factors part of an established trend, markets now expect it, helping to prevent sustained periods of weakness from occurring. However, now that the number of rate cuts priced in 2024 has fallen from nearly seven to less than two, it’s now up to the data to keep feeding the prevailing narrative. If it doesn’t – as seen when nonfarm payrolls and ISM services data whiffed earlier this month – it can result in an abrupt weakness in the US dollar. The more data that disappoints, the greater the risk it may encourage traders to unwind bullish bets and result in sustained dollar weakness. In other words, good news is arguably already priced in. USD/CNH technical outlookAdding to the sense that this week may be important for broader directional risks for Asian FX names, USD/CNH sits at an interesting juncture on the daily chart, threatening to surge straight back into the uptrend it was trading in for much of the year.https://preview.redd.it/i3p101rypa0d1.png?width=1835&format=png&auto=webp&s=e9746fc6e2cce9745a4fe15e33e299736adce5cb The bounce from the lows struck Friday two weeks ago has been powerful, seeing USD/CNH do away with two horizontal resistance levels at 7.2200 and 7.2335 before breaking through and closing above the 50 and 200-day moving averages on Monday. With the downtrend in RSI threatening to break and MACD crossing over from below, directional risks look to be turning higher for USD/CNH. Aside from former uptrend support and horizontal resistance around 7.2550, there’s not a lot standing between USD/CNH and return to levels seen in late 2023. While buying dips looks preferable to selling rallies near-term, it may pay to see how the price action evolves around these levels over the next 48 hours given ample event risk. Another push and the pair will be back in its former uptrend, allowing for fresh longs to be established targeting a move towards the 2024 highs. A stop order placed below either the trendline or 50/200DMA zone would offer protection against reversal. Alternatively, should the price fail to hold above the 50 and 200DMA, stops could be placed above this zone, allowing for fresh short positions to be established targeting a retracement towards 7.1730. Either way, if we do see a meaningful directional shift in the yuan, it’s likely the Japanese yen, Aussie and New Zealand dollars will be following close behind. -- Written by David Scutt Follow David on Twitter @scutty https://www.cityindex.com/en-au/news-and-analysis/usd-cnh-aud-nzd-jpy-face-hammering-if-asia-fx-anchor-comes-loose/ From time to time, StoneX Financial Pty Ltd (“we”, “our”) website may contain links to other sites and/or resources provided by third parties. These links and/or resources are provided for your information only and we have no control over the contents of those materials, and in no way endorse their content. Any analysis, opinion, commentary or research-based material on our website is for information and educational purposes only and is not, in any circumstances, intended to be an offer, recommendation or solicitation to buy or sell. You should always seek independent advice as to your suitability to speculate in any related markets and your ability to assume the associated risks, if you are at all unsure. No representation or warranty is made, express or implied, that the materials on our website are complete or accurate. We are not under any obligation to update any such material. As such, we (and/or our associated companies) will not be responsible or liable for any loss or damage incurred by you or any third party arising out of, or in connection with, any use of the information on our website (other than with regards to any duty or liability that we are unable to limit or exclude by law or under the applicable regulatory system) and any such liability is hereby expressly disclaimed. |
2024.05.14 03:25 cookiepangea car repairs worth more than car value
i bought a 2011 nissan rogue from a “we’ll sell to anyone!” used car dealership in nyc back in may 2021. from the jump it was making a weird noise no one could solve til we realized it was the driveshaft rusted out. i didn’t replace it bc i couldn’t afford it at the time.
fast forward to 2024, i now live in oregon and i went in for an oil change and asked for a full and detailed diagnostic because i trusted the place i was at. i got it back with an estimate of 7-8k in repairs. rear brakes, drive shaft, new tires, front and rear control arms and ball joint assembly. in addition, the underneath is massively rusted and they are concerned that ANY repair will lead to more discoveries of damage and suggested i sell. if i decide to keep it - brakes and tires need to be replaced asap. ($1500)
bad news is - i still owe $5k on the car and carmax (online) quotes me $1400 in resale value. i can’t imagine it’d be worth much more than that considering the body is decent but paint is beginning to chip and the interior is in tact but definitely worn in some spots. plus everything mentioned above.
do i go ahead with the immediate repairs and risk revealing more damage and costing more money? do i trade in and roll over the remaining amount to the new loan? (my ideal option if it’s not totally stupid since i do need a bigger car for work purposes) do i have a secret third option that isn’t voluntary repo? or laying in the street and crying?
fwiw i could barely afford the oil change so paying off the loan outright is out of the question. my credit is mid but i could definitely get a co-signer.
literally any advice is helpful im overwhelmedddddd
submitted by cookiepangea to askcarsales [link] [comments]
fast forward to 2024, i now live in oregon and i went in for an oil change and asked for a full and detailed diagnostic because i trusted the place i was at. i got it back with an estimate of 7-8k in repairs. rear brakes, drive shaft, new tires, front and rear control arms and ball joint assembly. in addition, the underneath is massively rusted and they are concerned that ANY repair will lead to more discoveries of damage and suggested i sell. if i decide to keep it - brakes and tires need to be replaced asap. ($1500)
bad news is - i still owe $5k on the car and carmax (online) quotes me $1400 in resale value. i can’t imagine it’d be worth much more than that considering the body is decent but paint is beginning to chip and the interior is in tact but definitely worn in some spots. plus everything mentioned above.
do i go ahead with the immediate repairs and risk revealing more damage and costing more money? do i trade in and roll over the remaining amount to the new loan? (my ideal option if it’s not totally stupid since i do need a bigger car for work purposes) do i have a secret third option that isn’t voluntary repo? or laying in the street and crying?
fwiw i could barely afford the oil change so paying off the loan outright is out of the question. my credit is mid but i could definitely get a co-signer.
literally any advice is helpful im overwhelmedddddd
2024.05.14 02:15 imatmydesknow [MW3] My Activision account was hacked and I am not permanently banned from MW3/Warzone/MW2 - my acct was 14 yrs old and I am a casual middle aged player. Am I Screwed?
Gonna try and make this short. I was an avid COD player starting around 2010-2011. I played every release leading up to about 2017 when my PS4 bit the dust and i just thought of using my time doing other things. fast forward to xmas this past year my lady and i decide to buy a ps5, shortly after the new mw3 remaster came out and i purchased that. i do not play the campaign ever i only play multiplayer, more specifically i basically only play TDM or hardcore TDM. My kdr MAY be at 1.00 but honestly its probably is lower. i can get in a match and go 3-24 easily depnding on the map lol, im a middle aged man. im out here trying to have guy time not go pro.
In april i noticed i had random friends on my friends list that were in chinese/japanese characters, at first i was like how did those get there, but then i thought maybe someone switched the name on their account from my old friends from my playing days. to be safe i deleted the old friends outside of who i play with currently, including the strange accounts.
Well last week i try to log on and i do not get online. so I assume the serve it down, but after 3 days still not connecting. this lead me to investigate. to which i find i have been banned from MW3, Warzone, and MW2. I appealed it, trying to explain the situation withint the 1000 character account but that did not work and now i have no more appeals. I aslo noticed my activision account was connected to a random steam account. i have no idea what steam is, as i am a middle aged man as i have said. activision has not seemed to care.
Oddly enough i went to vent on twitter and to my surprise hundred of bots came trying to get me to pay this account or that account to regain my account back. which im definitely not doing that. I assume that is a hustle for hackers.
My question is, is there anything i can do or anyone i can actually contact outside of the appeal form? LIke an email or someone to actually explain the situation and not rely on AI to make a decision on the status of my long running account? I literally just purchased the 420 cheech and chong bundle too.
I have screen shots and more via my facebook post i made last week about the situation that shows the freidn requests and my appeal band. The other interesting this is i stopped getting activision emails, so i was unaware of the punishment until i researched it.
https://www.facebook.com/iamlurk/posts/10161545608546473
twitter links with the bots trying to scam me:
https://twitter.com/lurkcity/status/1788056855865876968
https://twitter.com/lurkcity/status/1788071385069228455/
twitter.com/lurkcity/status/1788209225916637622
submitted by imatmydesknow to CallOfDuty [link] [comments]
In april i noticed i had random friends on my friends list that were in chinese/japanese characters, at first i was like how did those get there, but then i thought maybe someone switched the name on their account from my old friends from my playing days. to be safe i deleted the old friends outside of who i play with currently, including the strange accounts.
Well last week i try to log on and i do not get online. so I assume the serve it down, but after 3 days still not connecting. this lead me to investigate. to which i find i have been banned from MW3, Warzone, and MW2. I appealed it, trying to explain the situation withint the 1000 character account but that did not work and now i have no more appeals. I aslo noticed my activision account was connected to a random steam account. i have no idea what steam is, as i am a middle aged man as i have said. activision has not seemed to care.
Oddly enough i went to vent on twitter and to my surprise hundred of bots came trying to get me to pay this account or that account to regain my account back. which im definitely not doing that. I assume that is a hustle for hackers.
My question is, is there anything i can do or anyone i can actually contact outside of the appeal form? LIke an email or someone to actually explain the situation and not rely on AI to make a decision on the status of my long running account? I literally just purchased the 420 cheech and chong bundle too.
I have screen shots and more via my facebook post i made last week about the situation that shows the freidn requests and my appeal band. The other interesting this is i stopped getting activision emails, so i was unaware of the punishment until i researched it.
https://www.facebook.com/iamlurk/posts/10161545608546473
twitter links with the bots trying to scam me:
https://twitter.com/lurkcity/status/1788056855865876968
https://twitter.com/lurkcity/status/1788071385069228455/
twitter.com/lurkcity/status/1788209225916637622
2024.05.14 02:01 lorazepamproblems Really appreciated that Sunny called out Hillary Clinton today (sorry this ended up being so long)
I never thought I would see that happen on The View.
I honestly believe part of the reason Clinton lost in 2016 was because shows were too nice to her. She was waltzing toward a coronation. She'd come out to some girl power song playing and get fluff questions. That did not help her.
I voted for her in 2016.
And yet frequently when I've seen her speak since then I feel like she has had contempt for people like me. She's blamed everyone under the sun for her loss, including the "Bernie Bros," of which I guess I am one since I voted for Bernie in the 2016 primary before then voting for her in the general.
Now she's out attacking people protesting war.
It feels like she wants power of attorney over everyone 18-40 because they must have a mental illness if they don't like war and hardship and thinks anyone who isn't lockstep with her is feeble-minded and suggestible to corrupting influences.
She's the definition of condescending, and Sunny called her out. Finally.
I never thought I'd see it from this show in particular because they seem to have a very cozy relationship with Hillary and Chelsey Clinton.
Trump calling out that type of stuff helped him. I'm not supporting Trump in saying that. I just think everyone sees through the sort of gross love affair between establishment politicians and the media. Another example is the White House Correspondents Dinner. I did not like Trump, but I actually liked that he skipped it. They shouldn't be so cozy and yukking it up together. Decorum is over-rated. Politicians should have their feet held to the fire and be responsive to citizens not to the media industry and not the media industry to the politicians (which is a lot of what Whoopi does—just exhorting people to get in line politically). Trump is what happens when the sane side doesn't get its house in order and lets arrogance, elitism, corporatism, etc., run amok. And you can't just yell at people harder to get them to vote your way. Democracy has to deliver on its promises.
Back to my original point: Someone like Sunny calling out Hillary Clinton actually makes it easier for me to vote for Democrats. I've had to do it holding my nose, but honestly recently with the upcoming election, I've not sure if I've had the capacity to on moral grounds. And it's refreshing to hear someone say, no you're not crazy, HRC was being condescending. It's not crazy to protest war that has gone beyond defense and is now gratuitous. I have a basket of other issues that bother me, but that was the one being referenced today.
I think if they had challenged her that way in 2016 she would have been a stronger candidate. I remember toward the end of the 2016 campaign she was on stage with Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Katy Perry. And it was like a party. Like senior year of high school, hanging out, waiting for graduation. It was unserious. And she's been hectoring everyone since about what they did wrong and continue to do wrong in her eyes. You can't schoolmarm your way to victory, especially when your own results have been less than stellar! I mean lecturing about foreign policy when she voted for the war on Iraq, when she helped with the uprising in Libya that displaced millions of people, the quagmire in Syria, and on and on. She may have a very good grasp of history (what she accused the students of lacking)—and in fact I think she does when I've heard her speak—but it hasn't really led to wise decisions.
Sorry I'm so long-winded. Good for Sunny. And I hope they don't back down and hold everyone's feet to the fire both in talking about them and to them when they have them on the air. It can't just be a lovefest for one side and a trashing of the other. It's corrosive. I believe it paradoxically hurts the former (and those who could otherwise benefit from the former) and emboldens the latter.
Just one last point:
This came up in the context of what Biden can do to turn things around.
Biden has an in my opinion bizarre fixation with getting money to Ukraine. It takes gall to start the State of the Union with the state of Ukraine!
If they want issues that people would care about, they have them, but refuse to engage in them so they can't come out and say Republicans are holding us back.
Take ACP for example, which is something I care about. ACP is for low income people and pays for their broadband access up to $30 a month. It's being eliminated next month.
Has Biden ever heard of ACP? Does he know what it is? I'm honestly not sure. It would be a guess.
But the Biden administration has requested Congress to renew ACP. Mike Johnson—the Republican speaker—is refusing to allow a vote on the bill that would extend ACP.
That's an issue that will NEVER be on The View and you will probably never hear Biden talk about.
Biden would never talk about an issue like ACP (or a basket of other issues I have) like he talks with passion about Ukraine.
As long as Biden keeps jonesing for money for Ukraine he's losing.
As long as The View remains unaware people like me rely on ACP to get Internet and that Republicans are blocking it and instead talk about Trump's affair, Biden is losing.
This is just on example of an issue that is real to me and millions of other Americans who use ACP, but there are so many others.
That would be a real fight that would make poor to working class families perk up.
submitted by lorazepamproblems to theview [link] [comments]
I honestly believe part of the reason Clinton lost in 2016 was because shows were too nice to her. She was waltzing toward a coronation. She'd come out to some girl power song playing and get fluff questions. That did not help her.
I voted for her in 2016.
And yet frequently when I've seen her speak since then I feel like she has had contempt for people like me. She's blamed everyone under the sun for her loss, including the "Bernie Bros," of which I guess I am one since I voted for Bernie in the 2016 primary before then voting for her in the general.
Now she's out attacking people protesting war.
It feels like she wants power of attorney over everyone 18-40 because they must have a mental illness if they don't like war and hardship and thinks anyone who isn't lockstep with her is feeble-minded and suggestible to corrupting influences.
She's the definition of condescending, and Sunny called her out. Finally.
I never thought I'd see it from this show in particular because they seem to have a very cozy relationship with Hillary and Chelsey Clinton.
Trump calling out that type of stuff helped him. I'm not supporting Trump in saying that. I just think everyone sees through the sort of gross love affair between establishment politicians and the media. Another example is the White House Correspondents Dinner. I did not like Trump, but I actually liked that he skipped it. They shouldn't be so cozy and yukking it up together. Decorum is over-rated. Politicians should have their feet held to the fire and be responsive to citizens not to the media industry and not the media industry to the politicians (which is a lot of what Whoopi does—just exhorting people to get in line politically). Trump is what happens when the sane side doesn't get its house in order and lets arrogance, elitism, corporatism, etc., run amok. And you can't just yell at people harder to get them to vote your way. Democracy has to deliver on its promises.
Back to my original point: Someone like Sunny calling out Hillary Clinton actually makes it easier for me to vote for Democrats. I've had to do it holding my nose, but honestly recently with the upcoming election, I've not sure if I've had the capacity to on moral grounds. And it's refreshing to hear someone say, no you're not crazy, HRC was being condescending. It's not crazy to protest war that has gone beyond defense and is now gratuitous. I have a basket of other issues that bother me, but that was the one being referenced today.
I think if they had challenged her that way in 2016 she would have been a stronger candidate. I remember toward the end of the 2016 campaign she was on stage with Jay-Z, Beyonce, and Katy Perry. And it was like a party. Like senior year of high school, hanging out, waiting for graduation. It was unserious. And she's been hectoring everyone since about what they did wrong and continue to do wrong in her eyes. You can't schoolmarm your way to victory, especially when your own results have been less than stellar! I mean lecturing about foreign policy when she voted for the war on Iraq, when she helped with the uprising in Libya that displaced millions of people, the quagmire in Syria, and on and on. She may have a very good grasp of history (what she accused the students of lacking)—and in fact I think she does when I've heard her speak—but it hasn't really led to wise decisions.
Sorry I'm so long-winded. Good for Sunny. And I hope they don't back down and hold everyone's feet to the fire both in talking about them and to them when they have them on the air. It can't just be a lovefest for one side and a trashing of the other. It's corrosive. I believe it paradoxically hurts the former (and those who could otherwise benefit from the former) and emboldens the latter.
Just one last point:
This came up in the context of what Biden can do to turn things around.
Biden has an in my opinion bizarre fixation with getting money to Ukraine. It takes gall to start the State of the Union with the state of Ukraine!
If they want issues that people would care about, they have them, but refuse to engage in them so they can't come out and say Republicans are holding us back.
Take ACP for example, which is something I care about. ACP is for low income people and pays for their broadband access up to $30 a month. It's being eliminated next month.
Has Biden ever heard of ACP? Does he know what it is? I'm honestly not sure. It would be a guess.
But the Biden administration has requested Congress to renew ACP. Mike Johnson—the Republican speaker—is refusing to allow a vote on the bill that would extend ACP.
That's an issue that will NEVER be on The View and you will probably never hear Biden talk about.
Biden would never talk about an issue like ACP (or a basket of other issues I have) like he talks with passion about Ukraine.
As long as Biden keeps jonesing for money for Ukraine he's losing.
As long as The View remains unaware people like me rely on ACP to get Internet and that Republicans are blocking it and instead talk about Trump's affair, Biden is losing.
This is just on example of an issue that is real to me and millions of other Americans who use ACP, but there are so many others.
That would be a real fight that would make poor to working class families perk up.
2024.05.14 01:36 mca1169 the 14900k/KS is intel's FX-9590/9370
A lot of you may be too young to know what I'm referencing but back when I first started getting into computers back in late 2011/2012 AMD was up against the wall struggling to compete with intel. they got desperate and released their high clock bins of the fx-8350. they were the 9370 and the 9590 both much higher clocked than their 8350 brother but at a cost of 220W of power! these little firebreathers which going up to 4.7/50Ghz respectively simply didn't have the IPC to compete no matter the clock speed. then AMD disappeared from the CPU market for many years before introducing their saving grace ryzen.
now with the ryzen revolution in full swing it has put intel on the back foot trying to catch back up and struggling to be competitive. the great irony being intel is now the one pushing stupid high wattages on a re-released architecture to try and gain any little bit of clock speed possible. now with the motherboard power plan/CPU degradation fiasco eating away even more at the ever diminishing reputation of intel it is hard to imagine how they will manage to dig their way out.
what do think of this? will intel pull another trick out of it's hat or is it stuck with high power consumption for the foreseeable future?
submitted by mca1169 to pcmasterrace [link] [comments]
now with the ryzen revolution in full swing it has put intel on the back foot trying to catch back up and struggling to be competitive. the great irony being intel is now the one pushing stupid high wattages on a re-released architecture to try and gain any little bit of clock speed possible. now with the motherboard power plan/CPU degradation fiasco eating away even more at the ever diminishing reputation of intel it is hard to imagine how they will manage to dig their way out.
what do think of this? will intel pull another trick out of it's hat or is it stuck with high power consumption for the foreseeable future?
2024.05.14 01:29 HomeGirl_HG Teen son ruining our lives.
Teen Son Ruining our Life
Where do I even start? My soon to be 16 year old son is destroying anything good about himself or his future. Is this typical for ADHD-ers?
A little history:
Our son “Mason” was born at 33 weeks and was hands down the WORST baby that, to this day, I have ever seen. Blood curdling screams for the first full year of his life. Doctors had no answer, just that it was colic. It was a dark time.
After the colic came the night terrors. Like clockwork every night 1-3am was spent with him screaming like he was being murdered. We couldn’t wake him or console him. We just prayed he’d stop and the neighbors wouldn’t call the police.
Then like magic, he seemed to turn into a sweet boy and ages 4 and 5 were great. Around age 6, he started getting sneaky with his tactics and we found him with his hands around his 3 year old sister’s throat one day. That’s when I knew I did not give birth to a normal child.
From ages 6-10 he didn’t get into much trouble and we kept him busy with various sports. He’s incredibly smart and slightly autistic. He had friends and was living a pretty normal life.
Around age 11/12 he got his first game system and computer and that’s when our lives went to hell in a hand basket with him. It wasn’t the gaming that was the problem, it was the forums and Discord. The stuff I saw him writing on there was straight up criminal. Disgusting filthy language riddled with violence and misogyny. I know boys say not so great things amongst each other, but the things he was saying was psychotic.
I immediately got him into seeing a psychiatrist. He was diagnosed ADD with a hint of Autism. We put him on meds which was a nightmare in itself. Nothing worked. His body would metabolize the meds like water. We even had him genetically tested to see if his liver really is processing them way too quickly. Every med made him moody and aggressive.
He’s now 15 almost 16. He lies constantly, has an insane need for justice, will yell at teachers if he doesn’t agree with something they say to another student. He was s3xting he his girlfriend, she may now be pregnant and we aren’t sure if it’s his (she’s barely 15 and a mess of a person herself), he’s an absolute spaz, he has zero communication skills and talks like he’s reading from a script, he argues EVERYTHING, I hate to say this but he’s can be incredibly dumb. He has zero common sense. He says things that make absolutely NO sense. He talks just to sound “smart” and doesn’t even think about what he’s saying. He paces the floor constantly, fidgets like a drug addict, and says extremely creepy things to fellow students. Female students have reported him for making them uncomfortable. I get calls from the principal because they are super concerned about him. The school has had the police talk with him. He will lie even though EVERYONE knows the truth. It’s beyond an awkward Autistic kid.
Just tonight we found texts again between him and his “ex” girlfriend. He has her name in his phone as whre. I *begged him to just do something right. He just stares at me blankly. He calls us crazy to people in his texts. He’s obsessed with his “ex” girlfriend. They are skipping classes to “hang out” in the school stairwell.
When confronted he just shrugs and says he doesn’t know why he does what he does. He admits he’ll do what ever it takes to feel like he got justice. You can physically see him disassociate when being talked to. He’s extremely selfish.
Here’s the kicker, he’s INCREDIBLY book smart. He could go to any collage, study any major and do well. We have told him “Do well in school, don’t get in trouble and we’ll send you to ANY collage you want” we tell him we’ll pay for any advanced training or AP classes he wishes to take, we are willing to do absolutely anything to get him right.
I truly think we might be dealing with an ADHD sociopath.
He’s at his therapists office as we speak.
Anyone ever meet or know a kid like this?!
submitted by HomeGirl_HG to Parenting [link] [comments]
Where do I even start? My soon to be 16 year old son is destroying anything good about himself or his future. Is this typical for ADHD-ers?
A little history:
Our son “Mason” was born at 33 weeks and was hands down the WORST baby that, to this day, I have ever seen. Blood curdling screams for the first full year of his life. Doctors had no answer, just that it was colic. It was a dark time.
After the colic came the night terrors. Like clockwork every night 1-3am was spent with him screaming like he was being murdered. We couldn’t wake him or console him. We just prayed he’d stop and the neighbors wouldn’t call the police.
Then like magic, he seemed to turn into a sweet boy and ages 4 and 5 were great. Around age 6, he started getting sneaky with his tactics and we found him with his hands around his 3 year old sister’s throat one day. That’s when I knew I did not give birth to a normal child.
From ages 6-10 he didn’t get into much trouble and we kept him busy with various sports. He’s incredibly smart and slightly autistic. He had friends and was living a pretty normal life.
Around age 11/12 he got his first game system and computer and that’s when our lives went to hell in a hand basket with him. It wasn’t the gaming that was the problem, it was the forums and Discord. The stuff I saw him writing on there was straight up criminal. Disgusting filthy language riddled with violence and misogyny. I know boys say not so great things amongst each other, but the things he was saying was psychotic.
I immediately got him into seeing a psychiatrist. He was diagnosed ADD with a hint of Autism. We put him on meds which was a nightmare in itself. Nothing worked. His body would metabolize the meds like water. We even had him genetically tested to see if his liver really is processing them way too quickly. Every med made him moody and aggressive.
He’s now 15 almost 16. He lies constantly, has an insane need for justice, will yell at teachers if he doesn’t agree with something they say to another student. He was s3xting he his girlfriend, she may now be pregnant and we aren’t sure if it’s his (she’s barely 15 and a mess of a person herself), he’s an absolute spaz, he has zero communication skills and talks like he’s reading from a script, he argues EVERYTHING, I hate to say this but he’s can be incredibly dumb. He has zero common sense. He says things that make absolutely NO sense. He talks just to sound “smart” and doesn’t even think about what he’s saying. He paces the floor constantly, fidgets like a drug addict, and says extremely creepy things to fellow students. Female students have reported him for making them uncomfortable. I get calls from the principal because they are super concerned about him. The school has had the police talk with him. He will lie even though EVERYONE knows the truth. It’s beyond an awkward Autistic kid.
Just tonight we found texts again between him and his “ex” girlfriend. He has her name in his phone as whre. I *begged him to just do something right. He just stares at me blankly. He calls us crazy to people in his texts. He’s obsessed with his “ex” girlfriend. They are skipping classes to “hang out” in the school stairwell.
When confronted he just shrugs and says he doesn’t know why he does what he does. He admits he’ll do what ever it takes to feel like he got justice. You can physically see him disassociate when being talked to. He’s extremely selfish.
Here’s the kicker, he’s INCREDIBLY book smart. He could go to any collage, study any major and do well. We have told him “Do well in school, don’t get in trouble and we’ll send you to ANY collage you want” we tell him we’ll pay for any advanced training or AP classes he wishes to take, we are willing to do absolutely anything to get him right.
I truly think we might be dealing with an ADHD sociopath.
He’s at his therapists office as we speak.
Anyone ever meet or know a kid like this?!
2024.05.14 01:24 familydocwonk Family Medicine Revolution (of Peace)?
So, you’ve been using the #FMRevolution hashtag since 2011, now what? Lest you envisioned a bloody, violent affair back then, the Family Medicine Revolution has neither been bloody nor violent. Rather, it’s been a steady, deliberate force that has bent the arc of the healthcare landscape towards a foundation of family medicine. ✊🏽
“The Family Medicine Revolution is one aimed at achieving peace. In my mind’s eye, it’s the kind of peace that allows us to become the physicians we wrote about in our personal statements, unencumbered by the tyranny of urgency infusing the modern medical-industrial complex, where we can focus on doing our best to do what is right for our patients. It may be the kind of peace we will never know in our careers but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t resist or continue to struggle to achieve it.”
Read more from Jay W. Lee, MD, MPH about the #FMRevolution and what it means on the blog: https://www.familydocs.org/family-medicine-revolution-of-peace/
What changes would you make to achieve a #FMRevolution of Peace?
submitted by familydocwonk to FamilyMedicine [link] [comments]
“The Family Medicine Revolution is one aimed at achieving peace. In my mind’s eye, it’s the kind of peace that allows us to become the physicians we wrote about in our personal statements, unencumbered by the tyranny of urgency infusing the modern medical-industrial complex, where we can focus on doing our best to do what is right for our patients. It may be the kind of peace we will never know in our careers but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t resist or continue to struggle to achieve it.”
Read more from Jay W. Lee, MD, MPH about the #FMRevolution and what it means on the blog: https://www.familydocs.org/family-medicine-revolution-of-peace/
What changes would you make to achieve a #FMRevolution of Peace?
#MakeHealthPrimary #FMRevolution #FMRising 🔥
2024.05.14 01:22 Zebrahas9lives Taylor and Matty Together Since Early 2010’s ???
Anyone else out there thinking Taylor and Matty have been a couple MUCH longer than anyone has realized?
I’m certain there are people here much more versed in all this stuff, so please share your thoughts on this.
I don’t know that you could have convinced me a month ago, but then TTPD came out and there was Taylor’s seemingly erratic behavior those first 3 nights at the Paris Eras tour. I’d not thought about it until this ridiculously fake Travis Kelce relationship, but I realized…If Travis isn’t real, what about Joe Alwyn and the others that came before?? So I read into the Matty and Taylor lore online, and really listened to both of their music with a new ear. I think they’ve been speaking to each other and to to US for a long time through their music, telling us they are together and laying out all their love and their strife. Also, it’s possible they really did split up after the 2023 debacle, and Taylor really is trying to get Matty back right now. I mean, her song really says it all “i’mgonnagetyouback”. Still, that doesn’t take away the fact they may have been together for years prior.
It’s possible they have been a couple as far back as the early 2010’s (with at least 1-2 breaks up that they sing about). They both reference a love that they don’t remember how they met, and it’s possible they met at an early event when they both were building their careers. At that early time tho, they were both curating such opposite images of themselves that I’m sure their PR teams were not okay with them as an out couple - Taylor being America’s Sweetheart and Matty being a smoking, drinking rock star heathen. Their PR agents prob told them it was bad for their brands to be public. So into secrecy they went, not predicting that a decade later they’d be still together, much older now and wanting to settle down with each other. But what a tangled PR mess they found themselves because they’d been in hiding so long, and esp so when they rushed Matty out to the public. We all saw how well that went.
There are a lot of lyrics and music videos that elude to their relationship, but it’s the lyrics of the 1975’s song “Roadkill” that really confirmed it for me:
“And they’re playing your song on the radio station “Mugging me off all across the nation “ “If you’ don’t eat, then you’ll never grow” (A line they both share back in forth in different songs “I should’ve learned that quite awhile ago “I know it gets hard sometimes “Making out with people that you don’t like “I know you don’t feel alright…… “You know, I didn’t feel alright “Until you spoke to me “You “I’ve been waiting for you “My whole life, waiting for you
There are a lot of other songs and examples but that one right there really spells out they’re in PR relationships and feeling miserable about it (it was released in 2020 and they were both “In a relationship” at the time, ie in a fake one). It’s actually sad because Matty frequently mentions being in love with someone “his whole life”, and sings “I’ve been in love for ages, I fell in love for her in stages, for ages, my whole life”. If they did start dating around 2011 or so they would have been only been around 21 years old, and that could feel like being in love with your person your whole life.
I am not a Swiftie but I am a 1975 fan and I do like some of TS’s work. But someone out there surely knows more than me on on this. Most fans agree that there are several songs of the 1975 that were written for Taylor, esp on their most recent album. Personally, I think a lot of 1975 songs potentially point to Taylor - hell, most of them really. I listed a few if you’re curious.
Settle Down! Robbers Way Out The City Somebody Mine The Birthday Party Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America
submitted by Zebrahas9lives to taylorandmatty [link] [comments]
I’m certain there are people here much more versed in all this stuff, so please share your thoughts on this.
I don’t know that you could have convinced me a month ago, but then TTPD came out and there was Taylor’s seemingly erratic behavior those first 3 nights at the Paris Eras tour. I’d not thought about it until this ridiculously fake Travis Kelce relationship, but I realized…If Travis isn’t real, what about Joe Alwyn and the others that came before?? So I read into the Matty and Taylor lore online, and really listened to both of their music with a new ear. I think they’ve been speaking to each other and to to US for a long time through their music, telling us they are together and laying out all their love and their strife. Also, it’s possible they really did split up after the 2023 debacle, and Taylor really is trying to get Matty back right now. I mean, her song really says it all “i’mgonnagetyouback”. Still, that doesn’t take away the fact they may have been together for years prior.
It’s possible they have been a couple as far back as the early 2010’s (with at least 1-2 breaks up that they sing about). They both reference a love that they don’t remember how they met, and it’s possible they met at an early event when they both were building their careers. At that early time tho, they were both curating such opposite images of themselves that I’m sure their PR teams were not okay with them as an out couple - Taylor being America’s Sweetheart and Matty being a smoking, drinking rock star heathen. Their PR agents prob told them it was bad for their brands to be public. So into secrecy they went, not predicting that a decade later they’d be still together, much older now and wanting to settle down with each other. But what a tangled PR mess they found themselves because they’d been in hiding so long, and esp so when they rushed Matty out to the public. We all saw how well that went.
There are a lot of lyrics and music videos that elude to their relationship, but it’s the lyrics of the 1975’s song “Roadkill” that really confirmed it for me:
“And they’re playing your song on the radio station “Mugging me off all across the nation “ “If you’ don’t eat, then you’ll never grow” (A line they both share back in forth in different songs “I should’ve learned that quite awhile ago “I know it gets hard sometimes “Making out with people that you don’t like “I know you don’t feel alright…… “You know, I didn’t feel alright “Until you spoke to me “You “I’ve been waiting for you “My whole life, waiting for you
There are a lot of other songs and examples but that one right there really spells out they’re in PR relationships and feeling miserable about it (it was released in 2020 and they were both “In a relationship” at the time, ie in a fake one). It’s actually sad because Matty frequently mentions being in love with someone “his whole life”, and sings “I’ve been in love for ages, I fell in love for her in stages, for ages, my whole life”. If they did start dating around 2011 or so they would have been only been around 21 years old, and that could feel like being in love with your person your whole life.
I am not a Swiftie but I am a 1975 fan and I do like some of TS’s work. But someone out there surely knows more than me on on this. Most fans agree that there are several songs of the 1975 that were written for Taylor, esp on their most recent album. Personally, I think a lot of 1975 songs potentially point to Taylor - hell, most of them really. I listed a few if you’re curious.
Settle Down! Robbers Way Out The City Somebody Mine The Birthday Party Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America
2024.05.14 01:15 Zebrahas9lives Matty and Taylor together since early 2010’s ???
Anyone else out there thinking Taylor and Matty have been a couple MUCH longer than anyone has realized?
I’m certain there are people here much more versed in all this stuff, so please share your thoughts on this.
I don’t know that you could have convinced me a month ago, but then TTPD came out and there was Taylor’s seemingly erratic behavior those first 3 nights at the Paris Eras tour. I’d not thought about it until this ridiculously fake Travis Kelce relationship, but I realized…If Travis isn’t real, what about Joe Alwyn and the others that came before?? So I read into the Matty and Taylor lore online, and really listened to both of their music with a new ear. I think they’ve been speaking to each other and to to US for a long time through their music, telling us they are together and laying out all their love and their strife. Also, it’s possible they really did split up after the 2023 debacle, and Taylor really is trying to get Matty back right now. I mean, her song really says it all “i’mgonnagetyouback”. Still, that doesn’t take away the fact they may have been together for years prior.
It’s possible they have been a couple as far back as the early 2010’s (with at least 1-2 breaks up that they sing about). They both reference a love that they don’t remember how they met, and it’s possible they met at an early event when they both were building their careers. At that early time tho, they were both curating such opposite images of themselves that I’m sure their PR teams were not okay with them as an out couple - Taylor being America’s Sweetheart and Matty being a smoking, drinking rock star heathen. Their PR agents prob told them it was bad for their brands to be public. So into secrecy they went, not predicting that a decade later they’d be still together, much older now and wanting to settle down with each other. But what a tangled PR mess they found themselves because they’d been in hiding so long, and esp so when they rushed Matty out to the public. We all saw how well that went.
There are a lot of lyrics and music videos that elude to their relationship, but it’s the lyrics of the 1975’s song “Roadkill” that really confirmed it for me:
“And they’re playing your song on the radio station “Mugging me off all across the nation “ “If you’ don’t eat, then you’ll never grow” (A line they both share back in forth in different songs “I should’ve learned that quite awhile ago “I know it gets hard sometimes “Making out with people that you don’t like “I know you don’t feel alright…… “You know, I didn’t feel alright “Until you spoke to me “You “I’ve been waiting for you “My whole life, waiting for you
There are a lot of other songs and examples but that one right there really spells out they’re in PR relationships and feeling miserable about it (it was released in 2020 and they were both “In a relationship” at the time, ie in a fake one). It’s actually sad because Matty frequently mentions being in love with someone “his whole life”, and sings “I’ve been in love for ages, I fell in love for her in stages, for ages, my whole life”. If they did start dating around 2011 or so they would have been only been around 21 years old, and that could feel like being in love with your person your whole life.
I am not a Swiftie but I am a 1975 fan and I do like some of TS’s work. But someone out there surely knows more than me on on this. Most fans agree that there are several songs of the 1975 that were written for Taylor, esp on their most recent album. Personally, I think a lot of 1975 songs potentially point to Taylor - hell, most of them really. I listed a few if you’re curious.
Settle Down! Robbers Way Out The City Somebody Mine The Birthday Party Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America
submitted by Zebrahas9lives to travisandtaylor [link] [comments]
I’m certain there are people here much more versed in all this stuff, so please share your thoughts on this.
I don’t know that you could have convinced me a month ago, but then TTPD came out and there was Taylor’s seemingly erratic behavior those first 3 nights at the Paris Eras tour. I’d not thought about it until this ridiculously fake Travis Kelce relationship, but I realized…If Travis isn’t real, what about Joe Alwyn and the others that came before?? So I read into the Matty and Taylor lore online, and really listened to both of their music with a new ear. I think they’ve been speaking to each other and to to US for a long time through their music, telling us they are together and laying out all their love and their strife. Also, it’s possible they really did split up after the 2023 debacle, and Taylor really is trying to get Matty back right now. I mean, her song really says it all “i’mgonnagetyouback”. Still, that doesn’t take away the fact they may have been together for years prior.
It’s possible they have been a couple as far back as the early 2010’s (with at least 1-2 breaks up that they sing about). They both reference a love that they don’t remember how they met, and it’s possible they met at an early event when they both were building their careers. At that early time tho, they were both curating such opposite images of themselves that I’m sure their PR teams were not okay with them as an out couple - Taylor being America’s Sweetheart and Matty being a smoking, drinking rock star heathen. Their PR agents prob told them it was bad for their brands to be public. So into secrecy they went, not predicting that a decade later they’d be still together, much older now and wanting to settle down with each other. But what a tangled PR mess they found themselves because they’d been in hiding so long, and esp so when they rushed Matty out to the public. We all saw how well that went.
There are a lot of lyrics and music videos that elude to their relationship, but it’s the lyrics of the 1975’s song “Roadkill” that really confirmed it for me:
“And they’re playing your song on the radio station “Mugging me off all across the nation “ “If you’ don’t eat, then you’ll never grow” (A line they both share back in forth in different songs “I should’ve learned that quite awhile ago “I know it gets hard sometimes “Making out with people that you don’t like “I know you don’t feel alright…… “You know, I didn’t feel alright “Until you spoke to me “You “I’ve been waiting for you “My whole life, waiting for you
There are a lot of other songs and examples but that one right there really spells out they’re in PR relationships and feeling miserable about it (it was released in 2020 and they were both “In a relationship” at the time, ie in a fake one). It’s actually sad because Matty frequently mentions being in love with someone “his whole life”, and sings “I’ve been in love for ages, I fell in love for her in stages, for ages, my whole life”. If they did start dating around 2011 or so they would have been only been around 21 years old, and that could feel like being in love with your person your whole life.
I am not a Swiftie but I am a 1975 fan and I do like some of TS’s work. But someone out there surely knows more than me on on this. Most fans agree that there are several songs of the 1975 that were written for Taylor, esp on their most recent album. Personally, I think a lot of 1975 songs potentially point to Taylor - hell, most of them really. I listed a few if you’re curious.
Settle Down! Robbers Way Out The City Somebody Mine The Birthday Party Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America