Morrigan had just finished talking with her sister Horus. Horus said that father was in fact a sorcerer, a user of the powers that her adoptive father had once used. Morrigan was furious and was about to prepare her legion for war against her father. However, she intended to mull over this information while gardening, and spend time with her Lily. However, as she entered her room, she saw a ghastly sight, something that hurt her to the core, more than anything she ever experienced. Her lily in bed, their body connected to all manner of medicare machinery. Their skin was paler than usual. She could hardly see their chest move, and their body appeared paralyzed. Morrigan came to her lily’s bedside. “Apothecary, what is wrong?” The apothecary looked listlessly at the ceiling, their chest barely rising and failing, their arms limp at their sides. Morrigan felt a tear touch their eye, and they wiped it away. “Apothecary, you must tell what is wrong. Apothecary!” She yelled angrily, partly at her own inability to do anything to help them, and partly at the pain her lily was surely suffering through.
Then she heard a rasping voice behind her. A voice that sounded like a manifestation of someone she knew. “Mother. It seems your attachment to this psyker has nearly caused their demise. Pity.”
Morrigan swung her scythe towards the voice, and stopped shortly after seeing the voice was coming from Typhus, who was somehow still alive. “What do you want Typhus?” She said angrily, scythe placed on the cut that had severed his head. “What sorcery has returned you from your death?”
Typhus laughed, a raspy and hoarse laugh. “It matters not how I am here, but why I am here. I have a way to help your beloved apothecary. I can help them; all I need is your word.”
Morrigan looked back to her lily, seeing the immense pain they were in, then looked over at the vibrant garden they had cultivated. She then looked back to her son, in angry contemplation. “I will not be a puppet to whatever sorcerer has returned you to life. You aren’t a son of mine, and I shall not negotiate with you.” Morrigan once again removed Tyhpus’s head from his neck. She told her sons to burn the corpse and then throw the ashes into space. She would not let Tyhpus’s corruption interfere any longer.
She spent the night tending to her garden, taking breaks to check on her Lily, knowing deep inside that they may never get better. However, when she slept that night, she was taken to a nightmarish realm of her sons fighting against her father, their bodies corrupted by chaos. She could hear the bile filled laughter of a creature in the background, cackling at the disgusting sight of what her sons had become.
Finally, it called out to her. “If only cough you could change their croak fate. If only. You can *sickening gurgle* even help your poor apothecary.” The sight of her lily on the bed appeared before her, and Morrigan could feel a slimy hand upon her shoulder, the bile filled breath of some abomination. “I can help them. All you need to do is complete one little favor for me. What do you say, won't you shake a poor man’s hand?” Said the voice, a hand reaching out from the shadows.
Morrigan knew this must be a trick. She could surely heal her lily without the help of this thing, whatever it was. It may require her to do things she would rather not, but at least she would have a choice. At least she wouldn’t sell her soul “I don’t need your help.” She said stubbornly, sure that she did not need to make this deal as much as the voice thought she did.
The voice grunted angrily, showing her further horrors of the future, of bloated bodies, pestilence and plagues that rampaged her sons, her lily and her home world. “Fine. That is your wish” Morrigan was forced to watch as these visions played over and over in her head. The only way she could think of to escape was the one thing she never wished to do. She dug down deep inside, finding the psychic power she always knew she had, but refused to use. Only with the strength of will could she expel the visions from her head.
Morrigan woke up from her nightmare in cold sweats. She looked over to her side, to see her lily lying to her side, still limp, staring listlessly into space. She knew what she must do to help them, but she was not sure if she was truly ready to use sorcery like her adoptive father, or the Emperor, or Magnolia. She decided to mull over this and spend time in the garden, spending time alone with her thoughts. Perhaps then she might find an answer to her troubles.
She spent days alone in her garden, tending to plants that she could barely keep alive. It gave her something to focus on, something to keep her mind away from the choice she had to make. That was until her sons barged into her room, even though she had specifically told them to leave her alone. She got up, scythe at the ready.
Her son ignored the scythe, stating the purpose of his interruption, “Apologies for the interruption Mother, we are in need of the apothecary. The sick and injured are mounting, and we don't have enough personnel. We will lose more than half of our number without their help.”
She looked over to her lily, still laying near death upon her bed, hooked up to a matter of medicae machinery. “They are in no condition to help my son. But if they improve, I will send them down.” She knew her sons would not understand, and she did not want them to. Not yet. She was not ready to face the facts, not yet. But she would need to do the one thing she swore never to do if she wanted to save her sons and keep humanity safe, especially knowing that she knew her father’s true intentions, or at least she knew what he really was... Her sister Horus was probably letting her ambition run free and was trying to use her against her father. So she was the only one left to protect humanity from the ambitions of tyrants, sorcerers and murderers. ‘Ironic’, she thought, as she prepared to use her psychic abilities to heal her lily, so that they may help her sons, and then help humanity. She placed her hands upon their chest, repeating the same process she had seen her lily use many times in the apothecary when she thought they weren’t looking.
They awoke moments later, eyes flickering open as some light returned to their eyes. They gave a weak smile, their voice weak and raspy. “Is something wrong my M’lady? I feel like I’ve been sleeping for days.”
Morrigan laid a hand on theirs and gave them a glass to drink from. “We will talk later apothecary. Once you are ready, you are badly needed in the apothecary chambers. Incoming injured is overwhelming existing personnel.”
They could not read their lady’s face. Was it concern that they saw, fear, something else? How long had they been asleep? Why did their lady give off a psychic energy they had not before? They did not have the answers to these questions, but they knew now was not the time for answers. People were in need of aid, and so queries must wait. They took a sip from the glass, and then prepared to take on their apothecary duties once more.
Morrigan left, giving them privacy and so that she could see the apothecary, help her sons whoever she could. Maybe she could ask her lily about their abilities. Maybe she could find a way to use them for humanity’s benefit? Maybe it would all be for naught, and she would be right about the nature of such sorcery. But that could wait till later.

Hello, all. As some history, I have my first child in December 2021. During the pregnancy and while breastfeeding, I actually had manageable back pain. I threw my back “out” maybe not even at all whereas before that I would do it every few months. In December 2022, when I was discontinuing breastfeeding, I messed up my back horribly. I was in crippling pain. Went to PT per my primary’s advice, but it didn’t help. Didn’t get an MRI until I think March 2023 and it revealed an extrusion/herniated disc at L4-L5 and some slight stenosis at L5-S1. I started going to a different PT who had me start with aqua therapy. This helped tremendously and with time I was able to move to “land” for regular PT. PT prevented me from ever really throwing my back out after that. I’d have an occasional flare-up, but nothing as debilitating as in the past and I knew how to manage it and recover quickly. In October 2023, I became pregnant again. I continued PT and they gave me a modified routine to do on a yoga ball and in kneeling. My back is thankfully been pretty decent through most of the pregnancy until about a week ago when I started experiencing really rough lower back pain with sciatica down my right thigh. I’m no longer in PT because I had graduated and they wanted me to save my visits for postpartum. In the mornings, I feel a fair amount better, but the pain gets worse as the day goes by. Sitting really seems to aggravate it. By the end of the night, I can barely walk and I get massively afraid of seriously injuring my back again. Any advice? Any hope? I’m having a really hard time.

Genuinely I was concerned about Chloe the whole time. From the moment I picked her up she seemed like she was annoyed and didn’t really want to be there. I knew she was tired and needed food, she gets visibly hangry. When we went out later that night, I could feel her being closed off not really engaging with us. She is recently sober again but the plan was always to go out. My other friend Lia who came to visit and I would have some drinks and I would introduce them to friends I’ve made in town saying goodbye to them. I understood that may have been triggering and hard for her. So I didn’t push her to be energetic and gave her space to feel her feelings. By the time we went to see my bf at his work she was checking her boyfriend’s location and saying she felt like he was lying to her about what he was doing. He didn’t answer her call so I figured that would be a thing for the rest of the night as she doesn’t let things go like that. I thought she was worrying about him since that’s the only thing she mentioned. I wanted to distract her from that, get her to dance, and asked my local friend Izzy to help me get her out of her head. I was asking Lia how she was cause she was hardly engaging with me. Lia said she’s okay there’s just a lot going on. I knew she wasn’t having a fantastic time but I thought she was trying to or would tell me she’s not. I thought she was out on the phone with her bf when I didn’t see her. I wish she would’ve used her words to tell me how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave I would’ve said of course. I was anxious since the moment she asked for my keys. I was like what for? She said she just wanted to sit in my car. I tried to ask her what was going on but she was already on the way out. Again I assumed it was her mood in general and her bf cause never said anything else to me. She was mad at me for doing something I didn’t know she thought I was doing. She is a grown woman who can advocate for herself and what she needs. She was mad at me for not focusing on her. She can tell me what’s bothering her. We were supposed to be celebrating a huge accomplishment in my life and it feels like she made herself the center of attention. I may have been a little selfish to want to enjoy our time and try to distract Chloe from what was bothering her instead of confronting her. But she didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.

This is my first ever Reddit post and I’m posting to see some fresh perspectives. Any advice or help is welcome. Thank you.
I’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years now, and I can honestly say it has been the best time of my life. This woman helped me find myself and helped shape me into the man I am today. She always tries her best to listen to my problems, but lately I’ve been getting the feeling it’s too much for her. Which is why I’ve came to Reddit for help. (I’ve talked with my parents and a school therapist about this as well)
I’ve always had problems with anxiety. Ever since I was little I’ve cared far too much about what people think of me. It’s a problem that’s kind of taken a backseat these past few years, but has recently come up in a bunch of different ways. For around 7 months now, my relationship has been hindered by my chronic overthinking, 100% of the time wondering where she is and what she’s doing. I know that I can’t always know this, as that is controlling behavior, but it still upsets me deeply. Every scenario, such as being active on social media at the same time as guys I’m uncomfortable with, or not answering my texts when she is active on that app, makes me panic a bit. Instead of logically assuming she’s answering somebody else or just hasn’t opened my text yet, I always find the most catastrophic situation possible, like cheating. Even as I’m writing this, I’m wondering what guys she could be texting at that moment. I often have to talk to my girlfriend about these issues, and I often take her feelings for granted and I think it’s draining her to the point where I don’t think she can handle this as long as she thinks she can.
Let me give you an example of my head (For context, my girlfriend has just graduated and I am still in school.)
A couple of days ago, I was sitting in class with the knowledge that my girlfriend was going to be hanging out playing sports with her best friend (F) and a couple of guys, all of whom are her classmates. I end up learning that her best friend decided to stay at home, leaving her and these guys. I then learn that they are all planning on getting food at a restaurant in a neighboring tow. They get food, come back, then I learn that they are again playing sports, and after that is done, my girlfriend gives one of the guys a ride home as he does not have a car. Through no fault of my girlfriend, I’m learning all this new stuff through gapped texts, partly due to connection issues.
To most, this is just a normal day with nothing that could have happened. But my mind is not so simple. Let me take you through my thought process throughout the day.
First, let me go over one of her friends in particular, Fred (name change ofc). Fred has exhibited odd behavior since the start of the school year towards me and my girlfriend, and I don’t know if I’m justified in saying he has a crush on her. Please give me your thoughts. To my face Fred has called her the most beautiful girl in the school, knowing she was my girlfriend. He mentions her in class to me whenever he can bring her up, often unnecessarily. He sends her songs to listen to, and starts unnecessary text conversations stemming from questions he or she asked. Just after they got done as a group, he immediately sends her a video of a song and tries to initiate conversation, which she tries her best to shut down. After trying to shut it down, he then asks her if she’d want to get a group together and hang out again. How do you think me and my girlfriend should handle the situation? Any attempt at telling her anything about it makes me feel controlling and manipulative.
For context, Fred happens to be the friend my girlfriend drove home.
Back to the example, me learning that her female best friend was not there made me feel as if something was instantly going on, or that she planned this on purpose to be alone with Fred. Then when I learn she’s getting lunch with the guys, I feel as if she’s letting me go, while also wondering if she’s sitting next to Fred on the ride there. While they’re eating, I’m thinking about who she’s sitting next to and why it’s taking them so long to eat. When they return from the restaurant and are playing sports again I freak out wondering if this was her choice and if she’s using this as an excuse to be close to Fred or some guy that’s there now I don’t know about. By this point I’m out of school and at home, where I am trying to text her, but because she’s playing sports, she’s not answering her phone. Instead of thinking this, my already full head assumes something more is going on or that she’s not answering on purpose cause she knows I’m freaking out. By this point, Im in full panic mode, checking her location as often as possible, and after a short break, I see she is at Fred’s house. Her location is pinged there longer than it normally should be, and this just about sends me over the edge. Images of them kissing in the car or laughing while having good conversation pop into my head, and at this point there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I text her asking her what she’s doing, trying to almost set her up for a lie or expect the worst answer. When I do confront her about her location being there, she gives me a very logical, yet not complete answer, still allowing my mind to run free and wild. Looking back on it I honestly handled the situation very toxically, but in the moment I had no better ideas. Please tell me how I can react to these situations more calmly. I’d like to point out I’ve never outright accused her of cheating on me, but I have told her when it seems like at least a semi-rational scenario(even if it’s not).
So yeah, that’s what my brain thought of a seemingly normal day for my girlfriend was like. Please feel free to give suggestions on how I can change my behavior effectively. Also tell me if you think my girlfriend can change her behavior to help me.
These snowballing thoughts happen from the tiniest of things, and I need help stopping them before they begin. One of my main concerns is a trip my girlfriend is taking this summer, which includes Fred. There’s a high likelihood I’ll never see Fred again after this trip, and I’m worried he’ll make his move. I would love to say I trust my girlfriend, but in all honesty, for no reason at all I can’t trust her. She’s given me 0 reason to not trust her, and honestly I’m more scared of him making a move than her accepting it.
I’ve put thought into this, and I have 2 reasons. 1. Self-Confidence I am not ugly by any means, but lately because of my issues and changing appearance,I think I’ve started to get worried on whether or not I’m good enough for my girlfriend. 2. Fear of Loss One of the causes for lack of trust could be that I’m scared of losing her. Meaning I don’t want to completely latch onto her in case she hurts me. But I also feel Ive latched onto her too tight in other aspects of our relationship.
I know this post is extremely long, and I don’t think this encompasses everything I’m dealing with, so if you need more context feel free to message or leave a comment.
Thank you for your time.

TW: suicide attempt, sexual assault, victim blaming
I'm (27F) likely going to have to disown my dad (61M), I'm 90% certain on this, and have been considering this as on option for the last 2 years, but I guess I need the opinion of strangers of the internet because that last 10% is having a choke hold on me.
Last night my Dad called me, something he hasn't done in at least the last 4-6 months. He asks how I am, we exchange niceties but I can feel that something is up. He tells me that he's stressed, it's to do with mum. First he said that I probably don't want to know, I agreed, then he doubles back and said that I needed to know, I said I absolutely don't want to know but ignores me and says because my mum (54F, they've been divorced for nearly 3 years) hasn't sold her house in another city (we'll call this house 2) yet to buy out days share of house 1, which is 30 min away from where I live now, and wants to get a lawyer involved to force mums hand to sell the house as he believes this house will sell quicker and he would get much more money for it than he would if mum bought him out.
For context: Mum and I's relationship has come a really long way, I have complex PTSD which was cause by repeated emotional, psychological abuse both mum and dad, but between them mum has been the only one to properly apologise, swallow her pride and go to therapy to work on herself and our relationship, she has literally moved mountains to make things right, and I couldn't appreciate or admire her more if I tried - I have made sure to tell her this. Dad however, hasn't changed.
This is the man who made 6 year old me sit down and watch my parents fight, which often included him accusing mum of cheating, punching walls, throwing things, and so on, then ask me to be judge and jury. This continued on right up until I left home, once my sister was born I would make sure she was safe and preoccupied in her room with toys before I was called out. I was the scape goat, my sister the golden child, dad often told me that it's my fault that him and mum are fighting, that no one in the house works harder than he does, that no one has done it tougher than him growing up. In public he'd tell everyone how well we as a family were doing, at home he'd use intimidation and fear to have my sister and I stay in line.
His love was always conditional, best example was when I moved out of home at 19 for the first time and found out I was asexually assaulted, he dropped everything to come and get me out of that situation and back home, but once we were home, he blamed me for the assault, telling me that I was taught better, that it's my fault that it happened. When I attempted suicide, he stayed home to make sure I didn't try again, but would tell me how weak I am, that his childhood was worse and he never did this, the list goes on. There is so much more that happened, but Ill keep it as brief as I can.
I was often his counsellor as a child, he has never known how to handle his emotions, very quick to anger and lose his temper over anything, once I went to counselling I recognised how unstable dad is and how he has no insight into his behaviour, he still believes to this day that he was a great parent and didnt do anything wrong. I have begged dad for many years to go to therapy but has refused. When him and mum split I had to beg him to talk to me, to be present in my life, to be my dad, and how scared I was that he'd be impulsive and end his life. I did this for about a year.
I am now married to my amazing and supportive husband who has had my back through everything and continues to have my back about this, I'm 6 months pregnant with our first child, my beautiful little family is now my absolute priority. Dad has called my husband to bitch about me, to which he's stood up for me and has told me about it, and continues to say that if he could go back and raise his kids again he wouldn't change a thing. So my husband and I have agreed that under no circumstances are we to leave our child unsupervised with dad, and that our child is not to see my dad and I fight. It has been a long standing boundary that my parents are not to talk to me about their problems regarding eachother, that I will not continue to be judge and jury. He has once again ignored this and I don't want to see or talk to him again, I want nothing to do with him and I don't want him anywhere near my child.
The only reason why I am so hesitant is because stress is terrible for pregnancy. Arguably the stress my dad is causing me is already significant, but I know the conversation to tell him to not contact me or my family, or ask other family members like my sister, mum, grandparents, and uncles/aunts about me will be huge. Particularly my grandparents would have something to say about it favouring dad as they always have, and it would be incredibly stressful to have to block them aswell. I'm more than willing to do it, not just for me, but for my family, especially for my child, I just don't know when or how, or if this is too drastic.

I haven't had a single pain free day in a year, nine months, and five days. I was hit by a car at 16, breaking my pelvis in three places- they didn't heal right and now I've had early onset arthritis since I was 17.
I don't know what to do anymore. Over the counter painkillers don't do anything, and my insurance is tied up. I haven't been on medication since three months after the accident, and I can't do this anymore.
I'm way past the end of my rope, it all hurts all the time. Not just my hips; my back, my neck, my knees, my head. Nothing is comfortable. Lying down is better than sitting and sitting is better than standing, but the pain never goes away.
I've lost everything. Graduation (too many days of school missed bc of pain), friends, my independence, my hobbies, my dreams for the future, my fucking dignity. I'm semi-incontinent now, and can't do anything anymore. I was so active. I genuinely thanked the universe for my able body every day, I was so grateful, I didn't need to learn a lesson, I don't understand why this had to happen to me.
All I want to do is sleep, but I can't even do that. I haven't gotten an uninterrupted night in weeks. I wake up every few hours in excruciating pain because staying on one position for too long (over an hour) hurts so bad, and the pain makes it hard to get to sleep in the first place, let alone fall back asleep after I wake up.
I can't barely even go for a drive anymore, the one hobby I have left that gets me out of the house, because it hurts to stay in the position for longer than 30 mins.
They said I would make a full recovery. "You're so young, you're bouncing back so fast, you'll be back to normal in six months," They said. It's only ever getting worse.
I'm trapped in this bed- trapped in this stupid, useless fucking body. I need out. I can't fucking do this anymore. I've lost my youth, my innocence, my optimism, my hope, my independence, my future I wanted so bad, my job- my mind. I've lost my mind. It hurts. It hurts so much. All the time. I can't. I can't I can't I can't.
My gf keeps telling me I'm so strong for pushing through, but I'm not doing anything. I lay here day in and day out, rotting away into a puddle of madness and pain. I'm not strong, I'm not strong enough for this.

(Trigger warning for pedophilia, existentialism and self harm)
I (21m) have been struggling with pedophilic disturbances in one form or another since my pre-teens (I think it really started when I was maybe 11?) beginning in the form of feeling guilt and uncertainty for feeling attraction to my own peers when I was in middle school. I know now that developing sexual urges and desires is normal, but I didn’t know it back then, and I thought I was breaking the law for even thinking of girls in a sexual way. Nobody told me it was normal/okay, and a typical part of teenage development. I just assumed it was illegal.
It wasn’t until high school that I became brave enough to start asking questions and seeking answers, and actually learning for the first time that it was okay for teenagers like then-14yo me to have sexual desires, and that highschoolers actually regularly have sex with each other, and don’t face legal repercussions, contrary to what I used to believe. I genuinely thought teenagers having sex was just a baseless movie trope and nothing else.
However, I was still stuck in the mindset I had back in middle school—that it was illegal, disrespectful, evil, etc. to have sexual attraction at such a young age, especially towards girls my age (minors at the time). I was, almost piously, stuck clinging to that mindset. And the new information I had gathered—from other 14-18yo girls, mind you—was rather abrupt in my developmental timeline. So there was a lot of conflict between this new information, and my outdated “thou shalt not goon” ideology.
It was also around high school that I began noticing the budding sprouts of my disorders beginning to manifest, whose seeds were planted all the way back in middle school. I started to notice—though at the time, couldn’t fully comprehend or articulate—that even though I was growing up, my sexual attraction wasn’t, and I still found middle schoolers attractive. I kept thinking it was just a series of intrusive thoughts and kept pushing it down. Early on in high school, I looked at the 3-year legal age gap with minors, and thought I could force myself to stop being attracted to girls who were younger than 3 years below me. I kept doing mental compulsions, trying to force it away. Each year I got older, I would try to convince myself to stop being attracted to another age group. Alas, it did not work like I hoped it would, and hebephebophilia continues to plague my brain to this day.
Between the middle of high school to a little after graduation, I was in a state of denial. My 3-year age gap rule was expired when I turned 17 (also, I didn’t realize how wrong that rule was for such young kids, but now I know that much narrower age gaps are more correct). So, for the following years, I just kept pushing it all further and further down. Denying I had what I had. After all, it goes against my moral. My ethical code. My philosophies. How could I possibly have something encoded in my mind, that is so antithetical to my values? Of course, bottling it up didn’t help. Throughout my latter teenage years, I was left frequently confused and distressed. And I was always worried that if I let myself analyze my condition, even just a little bit, I’d be put on a watchlist and arrested soon after.
It wasn’t until I went to an OCD clinic for my contamination OCD, that I found other people with the same issues I was facing, and that I wasn’t going to get locked up for addressing my pedophilic disorders. I finally began unboxing years of bottled up torment, pondering how it all came to be, and formulating theories on why I have this curse, this disease. Trying to make sense of it all.
Of course, even though I’ve had some breathing room handed to me on a silver platter, it’s still a pair of chronic disorders. I’m still reeling from all those years spent hiding from myself and from the world (the latter of which I’m still mostly doing). And still figuring out how to cope with my condition, in the present and the future. I’ve had suicidal thoughts and intentions because of my disorder. And these suicidal thoughts still manifest in the maladaptive daydreams I have, conjuring up scenarios in my mind where I end myself due to the guilt and shame I feel. I’m physically unable to enact a successful suicide attempt, due to my low pain tolerance, my existential fear of death (ironically) and the way my body automatically freezes and shuts down in times of heavy distress.
I want to be able to tell my friends and most of my family about my disorder. But it’s incredibly risky to do. I feel like I’m lying to them, deceiving them, by keeping my secret. And I feel trapped, and that telling more people will expand this little prison cell in my mind, making it more breathable and livable, as it has done so far with the therapists and friends I’ve made from the clinic. But I know how emotionally charged pedophilia is. I, for one, feel so much violent rage and distraught grief whenever I hear that some monster has decided to violate a child. And I know that would be the first thought to enter someone’s mind. I know that anyone I tell is prone to developing any series of misunderstandings, misinterpretations.
Even though I’ve never inflicted any degree of sexual harm to a child and never will, the simple fact that I have pedophilic disorder is enough to ravage my mind with guilt and shame. I find myself hoping I don’t live past my 30’s or 40’s because of it.
Violating anyone is a conscious choice, and I’ve always been confident in the fact that it’s a choice I will never make. Still, the sensations, thoughts and feelings that develop in my mind make it difficult for me to live with myself, regardless of the fact that it’ll only ever stay in my mind.

3.4. Mahishasaka or Sarvāstivādis

[wisdomlib.org:] [Mahishasaka had the doctrines] similar to those of the Mahasanghika. [Mahishasaka] denied reality to past and future, but maintained the reality of the present. Similarly, the school rejected the doctrine of the void and the non ego, the production of taint by the Five consciousness, the theory of nine kinds of non activity, and so on. They held that enlightenment came suddenly rathern than gradually.

Mahasamghika split from the Sthaviravāda (Theravada or Dhamma-Vinaya) and produced many schools.

According to the Theravādin Dīpavaṃsa, the Sarvāstivādins emerged from the older Mahīśāsaka school, but the Śāriputraparipṛcchā and the Samayabhedoparacanacakra state that the Mahīśāsaka emerged from the Sarvāstivāda. [Sarvastivada (wiki)]

Some Vajjian monks, who were possibly the followers of Devadatta, established the Mahasamghika after the schism after rejecting ten Vinaya rules. Like a few other monks, a Vajjian monk complained about the Vinaya rules. The story is recorded in Vajjiputta Sutta, which was utilised to support an argument that the Dhamma-Vinaya tradition added new rules. Indeed, the Buddha, the founder of the Dhamma-Vinaya Sasana, added new rules as required. However, before His passing He let the monks remove the minor rules, but the monks kept all the 227 rules. Only some Vajjian monks once again attempted to remove ten rules and split the Sangha after their attempt failed. These rebel monks founded many schools that united into Mahayana. The Sarvāstivādis wrote many famous Mahayanist scriptures.

Gandhāran Mahīśāsakas are associated with the Pure Land teachings of Amitābha Buddha. [Seated Buddha Amitabha statue.jpg (wiki)]

• Mādhyamika Also known as: Śūnyavāda, Shunyavada, Encyclopaedia Britannica
• Sarvastivada Also known as: Sarvastivadin, Vaibhashika, Encyclopaedia Britannica

Mahāsaṅghikās revised the Dhamma and Vinaya in their own way. The revised collections were known as Ācariyavāda as distinguished from the Theravāda of the First Buddhist Council. Dīpavaṃsa says, that the Mahāsaṅghikās did not stop after changing the Vinaya rules. They went further by laying down for themselves new doctrines contrary to the established ones. They recited for their purposes the sūtras and Vinaya, they made alterations in the texts and their arrangements and interpretations.
There are four kinds of teachings, that can be accepted as the Buddha's words – sutta, suttānuloma, ācariyavāda, attanomati. In Parinibbāna Sutta there are other four kinds of teaching – Buddhāpadesa, Saṅghāpadesa, Sambahulattherāpadesa, Ekattherāpadesa. They are not contradicting each other.
They also replaced portions of the text by others according to their liking and even rejected certain parts of the canon though they have been accepted according to the tradition of Mahā Kassapa's council. They refused Parivāra and Abhidhamma Pakaraṇa, Paṭisambhidā, Niddesa and Jātaka.
Mahāsaṅghikās divided their canon into five parts: 1. Sūtra, 2. Vinaya, 3. Abhidhamma, 4. Miscellaneous, 5. Dhāranīs. [ Notes from BPU Sri Lanka - Third Year ]

According to Sibani Barman in Dipavamsa (study): Chapter 2d - The Third Buddhist Council,

the Vibhajjavādins claim that their theories and Canon are same as the original Sthaviras (the elders).

• But that statement is untruthful. Kaccānagotta Sutta is a living proof. This is explained in 3.3.

Sarvāstivādis Doctrines

[David Bastow. The first argument for Sarvastivada. Asian Philosophy Vol. 5 No. 2 Oct.1995 Pp.109-125 Copyright by Asian Philosophy]

[Bastow:] The argument is two-fold: that past states of mind can be directly perceived; and that the temporal and causal context of these states of mind, including their karmic future and the possibility of an alternative saving future, can also be directly perceived.

In demonstrating their belief, the Sarvāstivādis attacked, the Venerable Maugdalyayana in the Maugdalyayana-skandhaka, the first chapter of the Vijnanakaya (200 BCE?):

[Bastow:] The sramana Maugdalyayana says: The past and the future do not exist; the present and the unconditioned (asainskrta) exist.

• Atacked: Singled out a thera, ignored the Buddha, and attacked the Dhamma;
• The Venerable Maugdalyayana represents the Sakyamuni Buddha.
• The past is memory, not the present dhamma. The past as memory is perceived, not lived nor imagined. The past as perceived is not lived, but it was lived, so it can be perceived.
• The future is yet to be lived, so it cannot be perceived, but it can be planned, expected and imagined.

[Bastow:] Section 1: [The Sarvāstivādis argued based on] probably Anguttara Nikaya III section 69 (i.e. A i 201-3). "There are three akusala-mulani (roots of ill, roots leading to bad consequences). These are lobha, greed; dvesa, anger; and moha, confusion." From this agreed premise the argument proceeds, first taking the case of lobha. There is no doubt then that there has been, is, will be a seeing that lobha is akusala (otherwise translated: a seeing of akusala--presumably meaning akusala-dharmas--in or through lobha). The lobha that is thus seen--is it past, present or future? If it is past or future, then it must be admitted that past or future exist. So could it be present?

• Lobha (greed) which existed in the past does not exist now, nor will exist in the future. When the object that caused that state of mind dimished, that greed also dimished. For example, one ate a certain food with greed. After eating it, greed was replaced by another state of mind, sleepiness, which was about sleeping and delusion. Sleepiness is different from craving for food. One does not get sleepy for food.
• If the same greed were to exist until now, one must be greedy the same way one was greedy for that food. Then one must not have different states of mind, anger and delusion.
• Greed cannot liberate anyone from anger and delusion.
• If that greed and all other greed must exist right now, greed must be accumulating and becoming too much to handle.
• And there were times of anger and delusion.
• Can anyone proove they are suffering from all the greed, anger and delusion which they had in the past?

[Bastow:] To allow this would involve admitting that there are in one pudgala two simultaneous cittas, states of consciousness; but this cannot be admitted. However, there must be seeing of either past lobha, or future lobha, or present lobha; otherwise it could not be that someone sees that lobha, akusalamula, is akusala. And in that case it would not happen that someone becomes repelled by lobha, detached, freed from lobha, obtains nirvana (or has obtained or will obtain nirvana).

• Hetu paccaya (root condition)
• Root (anusaya) exists but not as a plant (lobha).

[Anusaya Sutta:] its root destroyed, made like a palmyra stump, deprived of the conditions of development, not destined for future arising; [Thanissaro Bhikkhu] [Anusaya] are identified or associated with kleśa, paryavasthāna, and āsrava, and they are the ‘root’ of bhava [Dr. Ari Ubeysekara:] The seventh and the last of the latent tendencies is [obsession with ignorance (avijjanusaya)] which can be considered as the root cause of all unwholesome actions.

• Root (obsession) of greed is not greed.
• Nibbana is realised by exhausting the past kamma committed based on greed, anger and delusion.
• Anusaya Sutta: Obsessions (1): the seven obsessions

[Bastow:] The same argument is then applied to other things that can be seen with respect to lobha: it can be seen that lobha is a fetter, a bondage, an anusaya; and further that lobha is to be rejected, to be left behind, to be abandoned, to be fully known (prajna).

• Sarvāstivādis knew about anusaya, but they might not understand it as explained by the Sakyamuni Buddha.
• Lobha comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is alluring.
• Dosa comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is agitating/annoying.
• Moha comes into being when consciousness comes to contact with a sight, sound, smell, taste, touch or thought of an object/subject that is difficult, mysterious, deluding...
• Lobha, dosa, and moha cannot exist at the same moment of consciousness, nor unconscious-ness.
• Lobha, dosa, and moha are cetasika.
• Citta and cetasika need each other's support to stand like the two sheaves of reeds.
• Lobha, dosa, and moha cannot be abandoned, but they must be eradicated by digging out the roots.

Devadaha Sutta (2)

[SN 22:2 Venerable Sāriputta explained to a large number of monks:] ‘When one is not free from passion, desire, love, thirst, fever, & craving for [rūpa], then from any change & alteration in that [rūpa], there arises sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, & despair. When one is not free from passion… for feeling… for perception… for fabrications… & despair. When one is not free from passion, desire, love, thirst, fever, & craving for consciousness... & despair. Seeing this danger, our teacher teaches the subduing of passion & desire for [rūpa]… for feeling… for perception… for fabrications. Seeing this danger our teacher teaches the subduing of passion & desire for consciousness.’

A History of Indian Philosophy Volume 1

by Surendranath Dasgupta 1922 212,082 words ISBN-13: 9788120804081
Quoting Vasumitra (100 A.D.), Surendranath Dasgupta presents three major Mahayanist groups as doctrinally not very different, and the Hindu authors ignored their (minor) differences.

1. Mahāsaṅghikas: the body was filled with mind {citta) which was represented as sitting,
2. Prajñaptivādins: no agent in man, no untimely death, for it was caused by the previous deeds of man,
3. Sarvāstivādins believed that everything existed.

We can observe how all these doctrines are presented in the earliest Mahayanist sutras, particularly the Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra, the Prajñāpāramitāhṛdayasūtra, the Lankavatara Sutra, Saddharma Pundarika Sutra (the Lotus Sutra).

the Prajñaptivādins had inaugurated the Śūnyavāda by drawing up a list of ten emptinesses. In the Mahāvibhāṣā [...] we read [...] there are many śūnyatās [...] Were the Prajñaptivādins the inventors of these ten śūnyatās or were they borrowed from the Mahāyānists? [II. Emptiness in the Hinayānist sects]

Gelongma Karma Migme Chödrön asks that question. The Hindu writers seem to have the answer:

[Dasgupta] When the Hindu writers refer to the Buddhist doctrine in general terms such as “the Buddhists say” without calling them the Vijñānavādins or the Yogācāras and the Śūnyavādins, they often refer to the Sarvāstivādins by which they mean both the Sautrāntikas and the Vaibhāṣikas, ignoring the difference that exists between these two schools.

Nāgārjuna did not consider the Prajñaptivādins as Mahayanists. Mahayana did not exist when the Mahāsaṅghikas was formed after the second schism (Devadatta's schism was the first), so they are considered as Sthaviravādis, who produced Prajñaptivādins and Sarvāstivādins. By AD 5th-6th, Bodhidharma arrived to China, and according to him, Mahayana was well-established as the Yogacara school, which adopted the Lankavatara Sutra.

Bodhidharma was believed to have introduced the Lankavatara Sutra to Chinese Buddhism. This sutra was a development of the Yogacara (“Mind-only”) school of Buddhism established by the great masters Asanga and Vasubandhu, and Bodhidharma is described as a “master of the Lankavatara Sutra”. [ Bodhidharma – the founder of Gongfu (Tsem Rinpoche and Pastor Adeline)]

The authors of the Lankavatara were the Sarvāstivādins.

[Bodhidharma:] the only reason I’ve come to China is to transmit the instantaneous teaching of the Mahayana This mind is the Buddha. (Bloodstream Sermon)
[Bodhidharma:] "This nature is the mind. And the mind is the buddha."
[Lanka:] this triple world is nothing but a complex manifestation of one’s mental activities."

Bodhidharma, known as an expert in the ten-stage sutra, was a zen master, from the Yogacara school. He did not know vipassana, as he condemned arhats. He was clearly a follower of Mahadeva, who authored the five points downgrading the arhats.

[Bodhidharma:] Among Shakyamuni’s ten greatest disciples, Ananda was foremost in learning. But he didn’t know the Buddha. All he did was study and memorize. Arhats don’t know the Buddha...

Bodhidharma did not know the meaning of arhat. Nāgārjuna defines arhat in Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra as follow:
[quote]
1. Ara means enemy (ari) and hat means to kill (han). The expression therefore means “killer of enemies”.^\1]) Some stanzas say:

The Buddha has patience (kṣānti) as his armor (varman), Energy (vīrya) as his helmet (śīrṣaka),
Discipline (śīla) as his great steed (mahāśva),
Dhyāna as his bow (dhanus),
Wisdom (prajñā) as his arrows (śara).
Outwardly, he destroys the army of [Māra] (https://www.wisdomlib.org/definition/mara#mahayana) (*mārasena*).
Inwardly, he destroys the passions (kleśa), his enemies.
He is called Arhat.

1. Furthermore, A marks negation and rahat means ‘to be born’. The expression means, therefore, “unborn”. The seeds (bīja) of the mind of the Buddha (buddhacitta) ‘do not arise’ in the field of rebirths (punarbhavakṣetra), for ignorance (avidyā) in him has been dissolved.

[end quote] Nevertheless, the Flower Sermon, which was composed in 1036 states that Mahayana comes from Kashyapa, whom Bodhidharma mentions in the Bloodstream Sermon. Based on Bodhidharma's attitude to the arhats, that Kashyapa could not be the Venerable Mahakassapa, the father of the Sangha who established the Theravada. However, that Kashapa appears in the Lankavatara Sutra:

Kashyapa (fl. 400 B.C.) . Also known as Uruvilva Kashyapa or Mahakashyapa, he was the eldest of the three Kashyapa brothers and among the Buddha’s earliest disciples. He was also India’s First Patriarch of Zen. [Lankavatara Sutra: Glossary. Page 458]

The Mahayanists expect they could become Buddhas by following these individuals.

The Flower Sermon (1036 AD) : the Buddha gathered his disciples together for a talk on Dharma. Instead of speaking, however, the Buddha simply held up a lotus flower in front of him without saying a word. “I possess the true Dharma eye, the marvelous mind of Nirvāṇa, the true form of the formless, the subtle Dharma gate that does not rest on words or letters but is a special transmission outside of the scriptures. This I entrust to Mahakasyapa.”

Just a couple disclaimers: Please be nice, Im already dealing with a difficult situation. Leaving my husband isn't an option, we believe that our daughter needs one set of parents. Thanks :)
My husband , daughter, and Inare currently living with my inlaws. Moving here was last resort and it took a lot of convincing from my husband. The plan was while living here, my husband and I both go to work, and save for a house. We'd have help with the baby and cheap rent. But now our plans have changed.
I have never had an easy relationship with my MIL. She is a very singular person. She has CPTSD, deals with chronic pain and is under tons fo restrictions from drs. She's a very strong and admirable woman. In a lot of ways I look up to her. But I've had my struggles with her. She can be overbearing and an oversharer. She is overly involved in things she doesn't need to be. She offers constant unsolicited advice. And I don't feel like I've ever has a conversation with her that didn't evolve into her talking about her trauma, old family drama, and all the times people offended her. And as much as I want to be understanding of the things she's experienced, I don't really feel like she wants to get to know me and is only treating me like a trashcan for her bad experiences.
I have tried to set boundaries. Im not a good communicator and so it was really difficult for me to sit down with her and discuss what I needed. It was necessary though, especially since I had just given birth to my daughter. I asked her to back off with all the info dumping and trauma dumping (in kinder words but that was the basic gist). And I asked for a couple of other things when it came to our baby. But not too much later, my SIL came after me and accused me of trying to take my child and use her as a pawn to hurt my MIL. (Situations where children were used to hurt people was something that happened in their family unfortunately). I was extremely upset about this and since then not a whole lot has changed. Maybe I just needed to push harder for my needs?
It may not seem like a big deal but this is something that has me particularly upset too. We aren't allowed to use their washer and dryer or our own laundry detergent. I regularly go without clean underwear and work clothes. And I get rashes from the detergents they use. Everytime I've brought this issue up im told that I'm being pushy and expecting too much of my MIL.
There are TONS of other experiences here that have left me pretty disheartened and hurt. I feel like our needs aren't given any kind of consideration.
I don't feel valued here. And my mental health has seriously started to decline. Im struggling to make it to work, be a good DIL be a good mom, be a good wife, and on top of all of that still find time to be good to me. I've been thinking a lot about what the next best course of action is for me and how I can have the space and privacy to work through what I'm feeling. And I came to the conclusion that I need to move out. Whether that was going home to my parents or finding an apartment.
I've always had the mentality that of "if you don't like it leave". It took a lot to convince my husband. It's not easy to tell your partner that their family is the reason you are struggling. It took a lot of tearful conversations. Im not very good at standing up for myself but this is something that I need, especially if I want to be a good mom for our baby.
My husband is particularly upset. He feels that I have not tried hard enough to make this plan work. And he's upset that we are having to change our plans. Especially since part of the plan was sending him to school once we built up some more savings.
But, we put in an application for a cheap apartment her in town. And today we got word that we got it and our move in date is this Friday. And we broke the news to my inlaws and everyone is upset.
They all have their opinions and reasons as to why we can't move. Why it's a bad idea. Why financially we wont be able to pull it off. Even things like how my husband's brother was going to aply for that specific apparment even though we didnt know he was. Im being told that this is a bad impulsive choice even though im prioritizing my mental health. Im having a hard time feeling happy about this move. I'm hoping that maybe by writing this all out maybe I'll get some reassurance that this is the right choice.
Sorry if this was confusing. If something needs clarification please ask. I need just as much help understanding my situation haha

So there I am, The Desi Playboy, back in my scrawny college days, just a couple of lean dudes fresh off a bar-hopping spree, chilling at the bus stop. Out of nowhere, this hulk of a caucasoid frat bro comes up, gives me a slap on the back that damn near sends me flying into next Tuesday. "Owww!!" I couldn't help but yelp. Dude struts past us, throwing over his shoulder, "Time to hit the gym, boys!!" I brushed it off, ego slightly bruised. After all, I'm the guy who’s been repping out with 20 lb dumbbells in my apartment gym like I’m training for the Olympics. That’s got to count for something, right?
Growing up, our idea of exercise was running away from aunties at family gatherings or maybe the occasional cricket match that was more about snacks than sports. The gym? That was uncharted territory. Our parents, bless their hearts, equated physical fitness with being able to sprint for the bus without wheezing. The notion of lifting weights, tracking macros, and chugging protein shakes was as alien to them as ketchup on biryani.

Attraction: It’s More than Just Physical

Have you ever had a girl flirtatiously squeeze your biceps, reinforcing the stud that you are? How about playfully slapping your ass when you’re not looking? That moment, my man, is raw, primal attraction at its finest—a kind of magnetism most men sadly never get to feel. Are you getting that type of attention from the ladies? Going to the gym and lifting weights is the first step into becoming that fuckable specimen. Picture this: you're strutting around, radiating confidence, and women gravitate to you, captivated, before you even utter a word. Arguably, muscles on a man is the equivalent of nice tits and ass on a woman. It's like you've got this invisible force field of allure, and all it took was a little sweat, discipline, and iron at the gym.
Think about it. In a world where first impressions are made in the blink of an eye, your body speaks volumes before you've even had a chance to dazzle with your wit or charm. It's not superficial; it's literally science. Physical fitness signals health, vigor, and, let's be real, the ability to handle business, whether that's lifting heavy things during a move or just looking damn good in a fitted shirt. An unfortunate reality is that women often manipulate men to get their needs met. However, men can simply manipulate the environment themselves to get their needs met. You think your crush is opening those pickle jars by herself? A nice, jacked body signals to women that you are good at manipulating your immediate physical surroundings.
So, if you're lounging on the fence, wondering whether hitting the gym is worth it, let me spell it out for you: Hell yes, it is. Not for the fleeting attention or the shallow compliments, but for the undeniable boost in how you perceive yourself and, subsequently, how the world sees you including women. It's about becoming a magnet not just for looks, but for respect, confidence, and yes, a whole lot of that good old-fashioned primal attraction.
Get ready to be the guy who walks into a room and commands it, not because you demand it, but because you've earned it, one rep at a time. Let's ditch the excuses, embrace the grind, and transform not just our bodies, but our entire damn aura. The iron calls, gentlemen.

Built Different

Our Desi genes serve us a mixed platter when it comes to body types. Some of us are fat fucks, while others are fragile twigs no matter how many samosas we demolish. For those of you guys on the overweight side.. Do you have Ananth Ambani money? No? Then you literally can’t afford that body if you want pussy. And if you can afford that body it is gonna bite you in the ass when you have heart disease.
Those of you scrawny sticks? Stop looking down at the more muscular bros and start looking at the women they’re pulling. Don’t get me started on that weird gray area a lot of us brown dudes fall into. I’m talking about the skinny fat phenomenon—a term as oxymoronic as 'jumbo shrimp'. It’s that peculiar body type where you look slim clothed but are a marshmallow in disguise. It’s the bane of many a Desi dude, a sneaky reminder of all those laddoos and no leg days. Ready to get rid of the bitch tits?
Look around at the next family gathering. Notice how cousin Rohan is built like a tank, but you got that uncle bod? That’s your first clue that genetics play a bigger role in this game than you might’ve thought. Tailoring your workout to your body type isn’t just smart; it’s crucial if you want to see real, lasting results.
Custom Cuts: Here’s the deal—

• Ectomorph Bros (The Lean Machines): You’re the guy who can inhale a whole pizza and not gain an ounce. Your mission? Focus on strength training to build mass and incorporate calorie-dense foods to support growth. Less cardio, more lifting.
• Endomorph Gang (The Easy Gainers): You look at a donut, and it goes straight to your hips. Your path? A mix of cardio and strength training to shed fat while building lean muscle. And yeah, keeping an eye on those calories is key.
• Mesomorph Legends (The Natural Athletes): You’ve got the best of both worlds but don’t get cocky. Balance is your best friend—equal parts strength, cardio, and a diet that fuels both muscle building and fat loss.

Alright, which of these body types are you rocking? Lean Machine, Easy Gainer, or Natural Athlete? Time to design a workout routine that suits your unique build. Yes, The Desi Playboy is dishing out homework, but trust me, it’s for a mighty good cause: to make you irresistible to the ladies. Now before we actually start integrating that workout routine let’s not forget to revisit the food on our plate.

Desi Diet Doom

The Desi diet is a freakin’ carb fest—a glorious, tasty trap that’s basically a middle finger to your muscle gains and fat loss goals. You probably recognize the following: plates piled high with rice, naan, and rotis, with a side of “Are you even eating enough?” from every relative. Navigating this when you’re trying to get ripped or ditch the belly fat is like being on a diet in a candy store.
Every meal’s a carb carnival, and while you love it, your body’s begging like, “Bro, where’s the protein?” It's like trying to build a house with all bricks and no cement. And oh, the ghee and oil. Delicious? Hell yeah. Conducive to abs? Hell no. It’s like slathering your goals with butter—tasty but terribly counterproductive. Add to that the mountain of sweets at every family function—those jalebis and gulab jamuns are seductive, but they’re saboteurs hiding in plain sight, wrecking your waistline one sweet bite at a time. If you’re gunning for that sculpted look, it might be time to negotiate a peace treaty with your sweet tooth and get serious about sneaking more lean meats and greens onto your plate.
Now let’s be honest, are you cooking all these Indian meals yourself? Or have you become completely dependent on your mom’s cooking? Is the extent of your cooking skills limited to boiling water and maybe, on a good day, making a mean cup of chai? Let me guess you top off the chai with some of Amma’s sweet sweet titty milk too? Listen up, because here’s the deal breaker—women are attracted to guys who’ve got their life sorted, including what’s on their plate. And if you’re letting mom choose whether it’s dal or paneer for dinner tonight, don’t be surprised if she’s also the one choosing your bride.
This, my dudes, is precisely why I’m all about preaching the gospel of DIY in the kitchen. It’s more than just about mixing spices; it’s about mixing independence into your life recipe. Grabbing the reins of your culinary journey isn’t just about impressing dates; it’s about fueling your body right, especially if you’re looking to bulk up and carve out those gains.

Protein Power Moves

There’s a way to keep the flavors of home without turning into a samosa yourself. It’s about being smart with your choices, making swaps, and still being able to face your grandma without guilt.
Lean and Mean: Start mixing in more lean meats, tofu, and legumes. Think chicken tikka, dal tadka with less tadka, and grilled paneer. Your muscles will thank you. But why stop there? Venture beyond with dishes like Thai grilled chicken or Turkish lentil soup. These global cuisines offer high-protein dishes that still dance on the tongue.
Smart Swaps: Ditch the white rice for quinoa or brown rice. Swap some of those rotis for a big-ass bowl of salad. Sprinkle some Mediterranean zest with a Greek salad, or bring a burst of Japanese flavor with a side of edamame. It’s about keeping the essence of Desi cuisine but making it work for your gains.
Supplement Smartly: Yeah, protein shakes might look like drugs to your folks, but they’re your BFFs on this journey. Mix that stuff with some milk or water, and chug. Think of it as a cheat code for muscle building—quick, efficient, and straight to the point.
Explore and Expand: Don’t be shy to sprinkle some culinary curiosity into your diet. Try Korean BBQ for a protein-packed meal, or if you're feeling adventurous, a Peruvian ceviche can offer a refreshing twist packed with high-quality protein. These flavors not only enhance your palate but also fuel your fitness goals.
So, there you have it. Turning the Desi diet dilemma into a muscle-building manifesto doesn’t have to be a soap opera. Keep the flavors, ditch the excess carbs and fats, and for the love of all that is holy, make protein your main homie. Expand your culinary horizons to keep your meals exciting and your body guessing.

From Diet to Dates

Alright, my fellow Desi bros, let’s wrap this up. If you’re serious about leveling up your game with the ladies, it’s time to get real about your diet, fitness, and lifestyle. Tailor your workout to your body type—whether you're an ectomorph, endomorph, or mesomorph—and make the gym your second home. Ditch the carb-loaded Desi diet for protein-packed meals. Whether you’re eating lean meats or are a vegetarian, make smart swaps like quinoa for white rice and grilled paneer for fried snacks.
Start cooking for yourself to fuel those gains and show you’ve got your life together. These changes lay the foundation for attracting women by boosting your confidence and health. The journey starts now. Let’s make those gains and turn some heads. The iron awaits, gentlemen.
Stay tuned for Part 2, where we’ll dive into lifting and integrating your workout routine to get you on track.
Check out the full article here: https://open.substack.com/pub/desiplayboy/p/iron-and-spices?r=k8bgi&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
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First Previous Wiki
Ezeonwha was walking down a long hallway. The dry and plain painted walls and the pure white lighting of the lower levels of the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office helped to frame the dingy realities of those who could only afford these floors. Not even capable of having windows, these were for those who were the cheapest of the cheap or those who mingled with them. He'd passed several Guides on the way in, their claws echoing in the halls as a sign of authority in this lawless land.
Here, mediocrity was king, and he was a loyal servant. He drew his cloak closer about his neck, unwilling to reveal himself to those who weren't already equipped to see through it all. He was famous enough to be an abduction target if he let his guard down. This place was no exception, though Justicar tried to make them such. Too much security on the higher levels and too little on the lower levels. That was the way of things.
Another hallway, this one marked with bullet holes. Two contractors and a Guide were discussing the pricing of the fix project when he turned the corner. Their voices quieted to nothing, the stillness pressing down upon them with the same intensity as the false lighting. Ezeonwha clacked his jaws, giving them a low bow before continuing on his way. He saw the Guide's eyes light up with the sign of his implants getting a reading. It was another impromptu way of tracking via facial recognition, but it was an ancient practice.
Nothing was new about what the Guides did; only how many of them seemed to be on general patrol. Had Justicar hired more of them or actually done full conversions for all of them? Those arm cannons surely weren't cheap or ethical to insert into unwilling participants. And giving a victim a gun they couldn't be disarmed of was a very bad idea, even for Elders. And Justicar was better than most Elders when it came to abject stupidity. He'd likely only been dropped a few hundred times as a child versus the more likely Elder average of a few thousand.
Ezeonwha chuckled at his internal joke, heading deeper underground into the complex. He was going to a certain meeting, and it would be best not to be late. Even if the Guides tracked him, it wouldn't be negative. The group he had been approached by a few days ago wasn't a terror group. He'd looked them up. They dealt in 'freedom and liberation from all chains.'
The Eyes Of Liberty had focused upon Penny as their latest propaganda target and perhaps as a valuable ally in their fight against all tyranny. Though such a flowery message was likely steeped in idealism for the lower ranks, with more pragmatic and likely richer inner circle elites and leaders ensuring the pot would always simmer but never boil or grow cold. That was the way movements such as these managed to skirt the line between inaction and terrorism.
It was a dangerous thing to do. But these were dangerous times. If Penny left, he'd die. Someone with a grudge would kill him. It was a given, and he'd made peace with it now. He needed to get to work, to help others like him and those worse off, with just a small piece of the meager time he had left.
He was in the system as a friend of Penny, so little scrutiny would fall on him as he came and went. He had a new friend, one who was very interested in connecting to Penny.
The offer had come through his communicator, and he'd answered it given its interesting title. After a lengthy discussion about their goals for him and Penny, he'd agreed to at least have a meeting. He didn't tell them that he had a tracker from Phoebe, which would 'be impossible to miss' if things went badly. He knew the value he had, which was why one of the androids was also accompanying him under the guise of being a Sprilnav.
The android was 'walking' on all fours, its mechanical motion entirely silent. It was obscured by a wave of holograms and hard light holograms that would ensure that it wouldn't be considered suspicious beside him. His only guard was a capable one, and Phoebe had all the confidence of an AI who knew that the destruction of her android would only be an inconvenience for her.
Ezeonwha came to an unmarked door with a well-worn door frame. One knock. One pause. Two knocks. Another pause. Four knocks. He waited, and the door swung open. Eight Sprilnav greeted him warily but warmly, their eyes shifting to Phoebe.
The inside of the room was a dull red, coming from a pair of lights in the center of the ceiling that cast dark shadows near the edges. The whole room felt dark and dangerous, and the walls were lined with guns, computers, and several drones. Shelves and drawers were neatly stacked against the wall, as well as five couches and four double beds with ladder access to the top portions.
Bags of food rested atop a trash compactor unit, and the room service button on the inner side of the wall that Ezeonwha could see in the mirror was worn down to the raw metal. No paint jobs here, only grit and business. The room faintly smelled of body odor and assorted foods. Not entirely unpleasant, but also not what he'd expected from a group with sich a flamboyant name. Perhaps they worked in cell-based units. And that was another thing.
Minds were visible in the distance of the mindscape, but the people here were huddled together mentally. They appeared to be haphazard, but Ezeonwha recognized an old army-type defensive formation a mere step from each of their positions. They were more than they appeared. Though based on how their room looked, they probably weren't veterans, just decently trained.
As they walked through the doorway, a scanner activated. One of the Sprilnav, wearing a headset with numbers and letters swirling on the inner side of the visor, called out: "Phoebe android. Commando variant. Risk assessment: Certain Death. Ezeonwha. Carrying two pistols, one hidden in the pack on his left, and the other tucked inside a strap near the lower bottom of his chest."
That made them all pause, sizing each other up. Ezeonwha smiled nervously, failing terribly to break the building tension once again. His nerves started to get to him, but finally, Phoebe spoke. "Well, friends. I, for one, am happy to talk of the business of liberty. Tell us, what do you have in mind for my friend Ezeonwha?"
"It is not about him, AI. It is about the freedom all sentient beings deserve, and which we shall bring to the galaxy no matter if we are alive or dead."
"An honorable goal to strive toward," Phoebe said.
"Thank you. Your words are quite kind for your type."
"I didn't know I had one," Phoebe replied. "But thank you."
Ezeonwha turned his head toward the Sprilnav with all the fancy equipment.
"What is the best way for me and Penny to help in the fight?"
"The best way would be for you to start killing the gang leaders you come across. Barring that, have Penny ignore the graveyards, and continue freeing the slaves as she ought to. The dead have their freedom; the living need her work more."
"I agree with my companion," another of them said. "So far, Penny has done more for the fight for justice than any other on Justicar in generations, so it is a terrible thing to ask more, but we must ask. Even knowing the terrible toll it would have if she loses the Judgment, Sprilnav are at stake."
"People are at stake, you mean," Ezeonwha said. "There is no need to bring species into this."
"There would not be, but it is still a clear factor," another of them said, a female who looked more shifty in her gaze and demeanor. The Eyes of Liberty seemed like one of those groups with too much division.
"Do you disagree with each other often?" Ezeonwha asked innocently.
"Here and there," the tech guy said. "Not often enough to be a problem, and not when what matters is at stake."
"But that is the thing. How can you agree on when something that matters is a stake?"
"Is this a test?"
"Why would it be? Think of it as a genuine concern," Ezeonwha said. "To associate with your group, I have to be certain it will be resilient to change and risks escalating in the future. If the gangs cannot strike at Penny, they will pick the next best targets. Currently, that is me. If I associate with you in a way they can find out, and I assure you they will find out eventually, you all may be at risk as well. And your group's seemingly cell-based design also means large scale mobilization is difficult, ineffective, and risks severe coordination issues which cannot be quickly or safely remedied without changing core security features of it."
"You deduced all of that from context? You are smart, Ezeonwha. And have a good brain in your head. Everlasting knows we need one of those between all of us."
They all shared a laugh.
"I am not as young as I may look," Ezeonwha said. "Penny is not properly learned of the danger that faces us here. I am. The Underground will kill me when this is over. Do you want to die alongside me, all for your beliefs?"
Silence descended again. Ezeonwha kept the pressure on them when one of them stepped forward. "For freedom and liberty? Yes. I would die for that."
"As would I."
"And I."
They all declared the rest in orders that followed the patterns Ezeonwha was noticing. There were variances in their levels of belief and faith in their purpose. Each person had a different level of value difference, which meant that their lives would be worth more or less comparatively.
Cohesion was weaker, too. Not a full defector team, but likely pieces of several. Was that by design from a higher up leader, or was that just circumstance? Another thing to figure out later, that wasn't critical yet, but he would know before he truly went on any missions with them, if he did at all.
He suspected running messages to Penny would be the majority of their tasks. The quality of intelligence the Eyes of Liberty had offered was substantial. Perhaps enough for Penny to turn herself from a major annoyance to the gangs into an actual existential threat. With Justicar's swarming protection of the Fort Court and the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office, there was a limited amount of things that even the gangs could do. And if the rumors were correct, a Progenitor would be partaking in the trial.
"To be clear, if I join up with you, Phoebe would come too."
"Why would we let an AI join us?"
Phoebe smiled. "Without me, you'll die in this fight. You have trained for around 2000 days. You're acceptable combatants, as is Ezeonwha. But you are fighting in a city, and underneath it. You need to know how to keep a low profile. You need to know how to move through a crowd, get in and out. And you need to keep collateral damage to a zero, or the gangs will use you like they have others who had your purpose and were less careful to justify their 'protection' continuing. If you march in there and kill 50 slavers, if you kill a few slaves or a single bystander in the process, your credibility will be smeared. And frankly, with me on your team, you won't get blown up by an IED when you try clearing your first room in a fortress."
"IED?" One of them asked, while the rest digested her statement, going through various levels of offended looks.
"Your translator is too cheap. Improvised explosive device. Here, that can be old engines, reused oil, cracked plastic, frictional fuel bombs, circuit extruders, sodium splash grenades, as well as the more military style attacks they can pack, from small micro rockets all the way up to lower level fission or fusion bombs. Though if you're in a fight with those things involved, you're already dead."
"Why?"
"Because unless you're Elders, or holograms, a nuke will kill you whether you're right next to it or just inside the same shield. They concentrate the thermal pulse, so your bones would be ash before the pain hit your eyes."
"And what protection could you bring against that?"
"Telling you it's there before you start the attack. That is, if you listen to me. I value your lives over that of this android, but also I value Ezeonwha over all of you combined. I will not prevent him from doing this, but I will have you all know the risks involved."
"We are prepared, Phoebe. We have done much of the training you say, though we do not believe the gangs would plant explosive devices in their own fortresses. There is too much risk around that, with betrayals so common. However, the minefields we have scouted are easy to defeat with the right tactics. Perhaps you can give us a briefing on those, too?"
A challenge.
"I can, depending on how long you wish to do this for. But I have the stamina for either hours or weeks, depending on which you choose."
"What of your batteries?"
"They are of sufficient quality," Phoebe assured.
"I hope so."
Their tech guy nodded, more numbers flashing on his visor. Ezeonwha hoped he had a different way of display, like through an implant or something, for the missions in darker areas. The Underground was, by its name, not a place where much natural light was to be found. And the gangs controlled all the power systems in their territory. It was another part of the racket.
"Why aren't you guarding Penny?"
Phoebe's back straightened, a subconscious posture change to make her seem more confident. Ezeonwha caught the tactic for what it was, though without extensive knowledge of bipedal forms, it was less likely the surrounding Sprilnav knew it.
"Penny proved before a trillion eyes she's capable of fighting Elders, Progenitors, and a Dreadnaught Captain. Not to mention her immense power. I can shoot bullets, but she can literally snatch them out of the air and eat them. She has her own way of doing things, and it is a good way."
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Penny landed in the rubble and headed for the Vaquah with a trail of survivors behind her. Many of them, she could recognize the marks of slavery on, with numbers or brands on their skin or just the trauma crouching in their eyes dulled by the pain of a long life in a work camp. Penny went through the wreckage to the shield surrounding the rubble and the defining line between the rest of the city and the destruction. Several news drones flew above her.
More were arriving from various directions. The soft footsteps grew into a constant drumming sound, like a beating heart of doom. Penny marched with them, heading to the spaceport. A large medical operation there quickly rerouted many of its various branches to the most injured freed slaves.
Penny pressed her considerable psychic energy on the entire group, accelerating their healing, slowing bleeding, and generally repairing their bodies and cells from the trauma they'd suffered. But the cloud over their heads did not brighten. The atmosphere remained tense and mournful. Many of them had lost friends, family, and more. She had no right to ask them to feel any different.
She had freed them, that was all. They were not her servants. She was not their ruler.
Several of them came up to her, offering thanks in the small ways they could. Kind words. Attempts at hugs. Even offers of devout prayer and worship, which Penny respectfully declined. She knew, as did most of them, that veneration for her deeds was inevitable. She didn't want to be seen encouraging it at all, since this was a public place where many eyes were upon her.
She knew that it would be misconstrued as a threat if she did. Religions were some of the most major threats entrenched powers could face if not properly co-opted by the state to suit their needs. And here, the 'state' was a military dictatorship billions of years old, ripened with corruption, money, and the immortality of Elders sporting technology beyond any other in the galaxy.
The sky was blue with shields overhead. The Vaquah hung in the distance, its thrusters gently burning to keep it aloft. A trail of shuttles linked the massive ship with several spaceports, including this one. Penny watched the freed Sprilnav get on it one by one, promising themselves to a new life aboard her ship. Technically, they were citizens of the Autonomous Peoples' Stars.
That protection, Penny knew, was why the Vaquah and its innocent inhabitants were still intact. Elders already had hired mercenaries to attack it. They'd failed, thanks to Rimiaha and Penny, but also the defenses of Kashaunta's Grand Fleet when it was in higher orbit. Kashaunta, despite her willingness to use Penny as she would, also had a certain intelligence and empathy. It was highly selective, and only money and power seemed to flip that switch.
But Penny needed the Elder, and Kashaunta only had use for her as an asset. She palmed the new communicator Kashaunta had issued her after the last one's destruction. Kashaunta's hologram appeared. It looked around, noticing the news drones in the air.
"Not here."
"Where?"
"You will know."
In the mindscape, a Sprilnav appeared on Penny's layer. They felt odd to her, almost like the minds of certain humans high up in the hivemind's network. Penny greeted the Sprilnav warmly.
"Hello."
"Queen and Elder Kashaunta requests your presence on her flagship."
"Very well."
In reality, Penny looked around at the crowd. She waited until it dwindled to nothing, and then spoke.
"Displace."
Conceptual energy twisted, and she stood on Kashaunta's flagship, though nearer to the edge than she'd expected. The Elder was waiting for her in an outfit that looked much like pajamas, though they were under a few armor pieces that appeared anything but decorative. Now that Penny noticed it, it was the same sort of armor that Yasihaut had worn to their last encounter, which interfered with conceptual energy. The Sprilnav were highly advanced. She wondered just how far their technology could go. She'd heard mentions of some ships having artificial gravity, and of nanites and programmable matter. But nothing certain.
"Hmm," Kashaunta said, giving Penny a once over. "You have come back. Shall I assume you are still my ally?"
"Nervous, are we?"
"Nervous is what you should be, Penny. The Judgment is coming. Ten days. Indrafabar and Justicar will both be on the court as High Judges. That is not good for us at all. So I figured a bit of prudence was in order. I have thought long and hard about this, and with the great battles of our time so fast approaching, I figure it is time to mend our relationship before the chasm grows any wider."
Kashaunta motioned to a special looking sword sheath on her back. Slowly, she drew a sword. A Soul Blade. Penny began to draw up her armor.
"Oh, I am not wishing for a fight, Penny. I know the damage you could do, even in my sanctum in the sky. Tell me, do you know how Soul Blades are forged?"
"No."
"Good. And tell me, do you know why they draw so much power to swing, even for Elders and beings as capable as us?"
"I have a few theories."
"I am sure you do," Kashaunta said. "But here is the thing. Soul Blades are typically weapons assigned to highly promising Elders, or even Progenitors. Filnatra, undisputed sword master that she is, can wield them as easily as breathing. If I were to swing this blade, there would be no drawback. Why?"
"Because you own that Soul Blade."
"Because this Soul Blade is mine. It is not just something I own. I own around seven or so more Soul Blades, with some weapons nearing their quality lying in my various vaults even now. You did not detect them, because I willed that not to be. I need you to understand this, Penny. You have power. You have might. But you are not invincible. My Soul Blade, if it struck you, would not cutely separate Nilnacrawla or Cardinality from you. Nor would your speeding space entity be able to block this blade with his flesh. If this cut you, it would release unending agony upon you before you exploded in a burst of burnt gore."
Penny sighed. "There is no need to threaten me. Allies do not threaten each other."
"But you do not see me as an ally. You see me as your means to get through the Judgment. You believe I see you as nothing more but a linear singularity maker, and perhaps a passing curiosity I'm backing on a whim. You neglect to imagine that there might be firmer reasons why I back you, and why more Elders are getting drawn into this conflict. You believe I am comfortable with showing you my more pragmatic and ruthless sides because I am comfortable with the fact that you cannot harm me. That you would not dare to do so, when you need my assistance so badly. That I might even be aiming to normalize my 'new' self with you."
"That is hardly my belief alone."
"Is it now."
Kashaunta grinned. There was no warmth in her gaze.
"Nilnacrawla," Kashaunta said. "Cardinality. Exile. Come out and show yourselves. You are being rude as guests."
Exile detached from Penny's head. He grew into the shifting array of fractals and shapes she was more familiar with. What had once grated on her eyes did so no longer. Kashaunta stared at the speeding space entity for ten seconds, then looked back up at Penny.
"He will not work on us. I will cover his form with holograms if he walks through my ship out of courtesy for my workers and crew, if he cannot."
"I am capable, Queen Kashaunta."
"You are quite knowledgable, aren't you?" Kashaunta mused, looking at him hungrily. "Oh, how I wonder what secrets you have in your head. How many of ours do you know?"
"I will not be taken as a hostage," Exile said.
"You will not because I decide not to," Kashaunta said. "Formally, our species are still at war. There is no treaty."
"The Sp'rkial'nova no longer exist."
"Yes, they do," Kashaunta said. "The name was discontinued for use regarding the lesser specimens we created. But I can assure you, Exile, if you wish to go by that name here, that we still do exist. I am a Sp'rkial'nova in the flesh. In the blood. In the mind. In the soul."
"Say what you will, Sprilnav. It changes nothing."
"On that I agree. Though our views on how things are may differ, and yours is wrong, your opinion is not valuable enough to matter."
She turned to Penny. She would have defended Exile, but he gave her a simple shake of his head area.
Nilnacrawla formed out of psychic energy in front of Penny. Cardi did the same beside her. Kashaunta tapped a claw on the ground. Tables and chairs appeared. A chef brought in food that looked passable and a few decent attempts at human cuisine.
"We do not have to eat, though I would expect that all of you at least sit at the table. We will discuss our grievances, and how to solve them before we proceed with the future. We shall first go to the matter of the Alliance. Penny, many in their number wish to establish contact with you. Do you agree to this? If so, I will add their communicator numbers to the translation program I have reserved for your personal use, in case your own device needs another sudden replacement."
"I agree."
"Good. A first step of diplomacy, I would say. Agreement. Now, Nilnacrawla, you look like you have something to say to me. What is it?"
"Free Meridia."
"Meridia was detonated by planet cracker during the 139th Sector 9 Border War. I am sorry more could not be done."
A cold draft of air rushed out of Nilnacrawla's nose. He glared at her. "You let them die."
"I did not. A Grand Fleet was defending that star system, and three came to lay siege. I am many things. A tactician, a queen, an Elder. But I am not a god. I cannot perform miracles. I evacuated 30 billion people from that world and its surrounding stations before the planet crackers hit it. 4 trillion more souls died in that blast. The best I can do is to offer an apology."
"That will never be enough for what you did. If you had never established your nation, they would still be alive."
"They would be slaves. Chattel slaves, not that cute little 'wage slavery' concept privileged people throw around. Perhaps I should remind you just how much darker that reality would have been for your female descendents, specifically. I am a brutal warlord, a dictator with an iron fist. But my claws do not squeeze nearly as tightly as I could. Metrics say that I could extract at least 370% more profit from my people if I simply enslaved them. But despite the shock this may bring to you all, I do have principles. The Autonomous Peoples' Stars are my people. My nation. My empire, if you think I'm imperialist. But I protect them as best I can."
Nilnacrawla's cold anger didn't lessen. Penny placed a calming hand on his front left thigh. He blinked. He let out a long, pained sigh. And he bowed his head to her. Not to Kashaunta, but to Penny.
"There is no need to be cruel."
"My language was accurate, Penny. He is a strong Elder. Everlasting knows he's stronger than most of these fools. Nilnacrawla was and is a hero of the Source war. I respect him enough not to mince words, or to give platitudes. Coddling is for babies. Nilnacrawla is far more mature."
Kashaunta turned to Cardi. "You have been remarkably silent in this, concept."
"I have."
"A wonderfully succinct statement. Perhaps you can shorten it further. But nevertheless, you and I will be working together with Penny much more in the near future. Rest assured, if you refuse to become more independent, you will be nothing more than a crutch for her to rely on before leaving her to fall when you are ripped away."
"When, Elder? I would like to think your protection is sufficient."
"I am sure the truth is quite the opposite, dear. I will now get to the point. Penny needs to move faster, and needs to break out of her shell. She needs to be pushed to do more. She has signed a binding treaty, which shows she is capable of more than barbarian aliens, as some Elders would call her. You, Cardinality, will help her be a high achiever. To do this, you need to learn more about your own history.
That is the theme of the year, after all. History. My history, Penny's history, Sprilnav history, and even Gaia's history, it would seem."
"Gaia? What do they have to do with all of this?" Penny asked.
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that."
"Excuse me? You don't get to decide that, Kashaunta. You will tell me. I refuse to be coddled, like you say. I demand the respect I am owed."
"You forget yourself, Penny."
"I remember myself, actually. I am all I need to be. I can become all I need if I must. You can hold your backing against me all you want, but you won't withdraw it. As you said, more binds you and I than mere money and ideology."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then I've doomed my species and my nation to war, and this planet to the full power of my wrath."
"Wrath, Penny. Wrath. The Sprilnav have many words for anger, rage, hatred. There is the desire for vengeance, in varying degrees. There is that for justice, which does differ. And that for belonging. I know you believe you are standing up to me as a way to assert your own authority in this relationship of ours. You believe I see you as inferior, and will pull back my help when it is profitable for me. I will not offer you the consequences of what your words could mean.
You already know them, and that argument is as stale as your view on us Elders. I will say this once, Penny. You are the Champion of Humanity. The apex predator of your planet, the only one mostly in charge of an Alliance that does more than merely dream of overthrowing us. It is easy for me to say you are not a threat, though I do not ignore the threat you and your nation are trying to become. Gaia will be a part of your movement, but even my information is not entirely complete. I will not mislead you by claiming I know Gaia's link to this, just that there likely is one.
And I am not unreasonably petty. I am willing to put all our animosity behind us and start anew. Even if you are not willing to do the same, I am willing to make this work for us. You have more people to care for than just the Alliance, now. Do not forget them."
"A lot of words that mean nothing."
"Because you heard, but did not listen. Perhaps it will be easier this way, Penny. I want you to win."
"Explain."
"You wish to overthrow the current Sprilnav led order of the galaxy. Your path to that will likely be through mass slave revolt. A viable strategy that I could spread far beyond just this planet. And I actually agree with you. This Judgment, this utter insanity around the Alliance and your species has shown me the truth. The Elders as a class and a species cannot be trusted to rule any longer. We need new leaders. Better leaders."
"And yourself?"
"As the hypocrite that I am, and the power-hungry ruler of the Sprilnav, I would obviously exclude myself from that number. Let's be realistic. The Sprilnav will never accept a non-Elder ruler. If you wish to see what our insurgencies would be like, imagine the 2090s Struggles of Asia. Expand that to billions of planets, large and small. Countless ships and space stations. We have more collective ships than you have people. And as your military planners know, there is no such thing as an unarmed ship. Without us, without me, your plans are stillborn. Your galactic Alliance or whatever you make will fall to pieces without proper counseling. In essence, my offer to you, and you alone, is this. The galaxy, for the Sprilnav."
"Who backs your offer, with the power to give it?"
Progenitors Lecalicus and Nova appeared in the room.
"I back Kashaunta," Lecalicus wheezed.
"I observe her offer, and wish it a proper outcome," Nova said.
"Thank you, esteemed Progenitors," Kashaunta said, standing just to bow to them. Penny stared at Nova, balling her fists.
"There will be time for battle later," he said. "But not now. Hear out her request. She does not make it lightly."
The Progenitors disappeared.
"If I accept your offer, it will be on a written record."
"No. It will not be, because if that record is written, my nation will be facing war on all sides. A better idea would be for us to keep this under wraps."
"Perfect for betrayal," Nilnacrawla muttered.
"It would be, yes. But consider the second part of this situation, Nilncrawla. If word of this galactic offer, not just the Pact, were to get out, which is why two Progenitors who know the price of interference were called here, it would mean the deaths of Penny and all her kind. Or do you forget what rapidly approaches us?"
Nilnacrawla frowned. "I did. I apologize, Penny."
Kashaunta spoke up again.
"Penny. You believe I will betray you. So I make an offer of collateral. An offer so unbelievably sacred for us Elders that many would recoil at the mere thought of it. Now that you have signed a backed treaty, you are fully qualified."
Kashaunta grabbed her Soul Blade and presented it to Penny.
"What does this mean?"
"Nilnacrawla, tell her," Kashaunta said. "She will trust your mouth more than mine."
"Bonded Soul Blades are priceless artifacts," Nilnacrawla said. "To offer one to another is the ultimate gesture of trust and respect among many martial Sprilnav cultures. It can also allow for a mind bridge, a soul pact, or a proposal for marriage between two great houses, martial families, or Elders of great wealth and power. To offer this to a human... to anyone... is an ultimate sign of backing, and one of trust.
It is a sacrosanct honor, the absolute agreement of speaking truth and respect. The words I can use in any human language are insufficient to describe the weight of this honor. This gesture is one of absolute truth. Family lines with hatred going back millions of years would never dare to violate this honor."
"Only one Elder in history did so, one who once led a group known as the Stannic Resistance. He does so no longer. Penny Balica, Champion of Humanity... if there is nothing else I can give you to prove that I do really back you, there is this."
"...Just how low are my chances in the Judgment for you to resort to this?" Penny asked.
"They are not zero, but your battle with be incredibly difficult even with this boon of mine. The future of the galaxy, I now realize, hinges on the outcome of this. If we do not have enough trust, they will sniff it out, and we will fail."
So she had no choice. But as Nilncrawla continued to explain in her mind, Kashaunta was getting the worse side of the deal. Which meant she was throwing her backing behind Penny for real, beyond all reproach and retraction. Kashaunta, the most powerful Elder in the galaxy.
"And if I reject this gift, or your reasons for it?"
"Circumstances would demand that I kill you and then myself using this blade as a way to cut apart the dishonor, before my remains are dumped into a black hole to be forgotten forever. I would not do this."
"A dark and archaic custom," Penny said. She would have said more, but she looked at Nilnacrawla's face. He was clearly deeply uncomfortable. Her five words had shaken him more than anything she'd ever said to him before.
"You do not understand," Nilnacrawla said. "This is not something to joke or lie about. With a Soul Blade Pact in play, all else must cease. Right now, there is you, and there is her. Accept or decline. The choice, your only choice, is yours."
"How will this look to the Elders in the court? To the Sprilnav, and the people who back me?"
She could see how it would be a boon and a curse.
"You, and I," Kashaunta said. "The whole of the universe between us right now is you and I. No others exist until this one act is done. There will be trust or there will be death. No in between. No middle ground. The nature of this bond will be a Pact of Blades."
Conceptual energy swirled between them. Penny's natural translation, as part of the hivemind, failed for the first time ever. Her communicator likewise did not translate the words Kashaunta spoke.
"Eis nama kaste Penny Balica, sun lanci Dorima Kashaunta. Ko'ri, lanci nupa bes na Dorima'Pecunyanova. Sp'rkial'nova. Sun. Homo Sapiens."
The air grew thick with tension. It was not just emotional, either. Psychic and conceptual energy gathered. The mindscape started to distort as more and more eyes began to view Kashaunta and Penny. But all of them were Sprilnav eyes. All of them were Progenitors. Nova's appeared brightest and largest, nearly six times the size of the next largest pair. They stared at her, sending psychic and conceptual energy down upon her in waves that forced her and Kashaunta to kneel to the ground.
"I apologize for my earlier words," Penny said. "I should not have denigrated this."
Penny stood for an hour, deeply contemplating the Pact. If it was as Nilnacrawla was describing to her, it was a promise that Kashaunta would not break. If she was offering it at all, especially to Penny, it meant she had a level of trust in Penny's capability far above what Penny had previously thought. Apparently, there were even higher agreements than this that were possible, with this Pact being the lowest level of bond and considered unbreakable with the enforcement of consequences coming from the Progenitors themselves.
She thought of her place in Justicar and the wider universe. Hours passed like water. And then, by the end of it, after nearly 19 hours, Penny finally had decided. She gave a short nod to Kashaunta, who had been kneeling to Nova all this time.
Kashaunta gestured at the sword. "Tol, nopa shikai."
Nilnacrawla fed her a few suggestions on what she would need to say.
"I come to this Pact seeking peace, justice, and hope," Penny said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery."
Nilnacrawla translated Kashaunta's next words to her.
"I come to this seeking trust, understanding, respect, and peace," Kashaunta said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery. I make this Pact before the gods, those who equal them, and those who surpass them. I bind them to an oath of silence regarding this event, until I directly instruct them otherwise, in a state of a sound mind, body, and soul. Here, we shall step into a future that needs both of us, casting aside that which is unimportant to focus on the ultimate goals we have. I offer my Blade to Penny Balica, of species Homo Sapiens. In this way, we forge a new future, and walk a new path. I accept the Pact."
"I accept the Pact."
Nova and a hundred Progenitors descended. Nova grew larger, and Kashaunta knelt to him. Penny remained standing. His sharp teeth glittered in the light. He pressed his claws to Penny's chest, and to Kashaunta's chest.
"The Pact of Blades is made before the Progenitors. We agree to your vow of silence. The penalty of breaking it will be dismemberment and disposal into a black hole. Penny Balica, Engineer Kashaunta. To break this Pact without mutual agreement is to call down our collective wrath upon yourselves. You both have agreed, and are of sound mind, body, and soul. The Pact is forged. By sword, by word, by action. I, Nova, Everlasting, Lord of the Progenitors, King of all Sp'rkial'nova, Heir to the Mantle of Power, Heir to Narvravarana, Progenitor, Elder, and Sprilnav, declare the deed done, etched in time, space, and Reality."
They winked out of existence one by one, leaving Penny and Kashaunta alone, to ponder the future. Penny's thoughts turned to the Judgment, and her confidence she could win it began to waver. How much worse was this Judgment going to be than before?
Penny stared at Kashaunta's Soul Blade. With careful fingers, she took it. Kashaunta sat up, satisfied.
"Now we can begin. I shall compile all the news about you I can find, and we shall see how to address the questions the High Judges will ask. Now that you trust me, I cannot betray you."

Chips of rock flew away, taking the weapon’s edge with them. Ginendertha cursed the fact right before knocking away a spear thrust. For the first time in centuries she was well matched. For the first time, she could actually lose.
The thought of losing spurred her on, taking each of his strikes in stride. Realizing he had the greater strength, she weaved around them trying to make his spear obsolete.
Yet he recognized this and backed off. Every time she slid closer, he moved further away and jabbed at the woman. Packing more power to his attacks each time.
His surging thrust knocked her off balance, this time making her back away from his reach but he suddenly became as fast as her and flew at her with a leopard’s speed. The ax dropped from her numbing fingers, deftly snatching it with her other hand.
Blood flowed from her leg. She had forgotten the fact as she was still adjusting to her new body and became evident when she tried to move again. The longer she stayed in control the more she felt her wounds and fatigue. Not having a body in many years made it feel as new to her as if she had been a newborn.
Before his spear could connect with her flesh, a sonic boom blasted them both from their feet and crash down onto the cold, hard floor. ‘Why was it cold?’, she would’ve thought if she had the time. Pain flooded her leg. A single nudge brought down the dam she built in her mind.
Galakni got up quickly. He strained his eyes to see better in the dark but the darkness was impenetrable. Then he closed them and trained his ears to his surroundings. Apart from his opponent’s heavy breathing, there was the faint whistle of the wind indicating the way out and the withering tree that had not so long ago ascended him to godhood. There was a second voice, this one a shadow of the woman that it had been. This one breathed as heavily as Volra, but more out of hate than exhaustion.
Volra’s body was reaching its limit. Her muscles, already worn out from the constant fighting, pulsed from Galakni’s heavy pounding and cuts and scrapes from the many rocks in the floor. Ginendertha moved one arm and struggled against the overwhelming clubs of pain that slid in like molten magma. It was as if the body weighed as much as a thousand worlds. Nevertheless, she moved, slowly but surely, with one hand pushing down. Then the other. Pushing up, lifting the thousand worlds at her back. She heard his footsteps. She grabbed the broken ax and willed her aching feet towards him, slowly but surely.
Galakni braced himself when he sensed the other woman’s tension. Despite his quickness, the attack came out of nowhere, like a boulder rolling down from a steep hill the force of her charge knocked him to the ground. He knew this was not the assassin, so who was it?
With both bone and scaled fists gripping the haft, he fought hard to not let go, kicking desperately with all his strength at this opponent’s newfound power. The enemy avoided some kicks but slightly reeling from the others, pouring all her willpower into snapping teeth and raking against the stone haft imbued with the power of the gelatinous vortex once contained within the old tree. Neither tooth nor claw managed to disfigure the smooth surface of the Spear of Mof, for once it proved to be the spear of that great sorcerer.
Volra fought for control of her body. The Senerjai attacked her senses, the side effects warping her view of reality. An outsider would see that she was just struggling to get up from the stony ground but inside was so much more. Each breath took centuries, each heartbeat a decade, it seemed worlds would be born, then wither, then die as they both struggled for freedom.
‘This is my body! Leave me alone!’, she yelled within her at the ghost.
Ginendertha clogged her stomach and a purple cloud would spread across her intestines and take over her legs, ‘You’re too weak to survive. I have what it takes. You are but a speck of dust in this world but I can turn you to a shining gold’.
The Senerjai injected Volra’s mind with visions of her promises. Images of battles won, people crying out her name in glee, an army of leather clad men singing her praises in a foreign tongue while a tall, muscular man in bronze armor lifts a helmet from his head and mutters words of adoration and a proposal of marriage.
Volra did not know who the man was but could sense the ideas of world conquest and godhood that infected Galakni’s already venomous mind. Then she rejected it, knowing that it would mean betrayal of her own ruler, Tithra, and were so far beyond anything she ever wanted. Ginendertha tried everything. Showing her Tithra’s head on a platter, a bloody sword before the corpses of enemy tribesmen from the Kynha people, statues raised in her likeness, and her brother’s skull given to the shamans of the Overmountain. Ginendertha tapped into every memory she could reach to convince Volra to let her take control, yet a twinge of despair colored every attempt.
When the body recovered and dusted off her legs, carefully avoiding her wound, it was Volra who did it. Ginendertha said no more.
The assassin limped towards the sounds of Galakni fighting off Kiral. Ax in hand, she lifted it up and brought it down. When it loudly cracked she decided to slam it down a second time. Then a third. The blows grew weak until the very last one missed completely and hit the floor. An intense shudder felt up her arm.
She dropped the ax and fell down and felt no more.
When next she opened her eyes, she saw nothing but trees and singing birds. Reckoning that she was just outside the vicinity of the Overmountain, she breathed a sigh of relief despite the deep aching of her whole body. Pain lanced up at even the slightest movements and her limbs were too heavy to lift. Where was Kiral? Surely she was the one who dragged her out of the Path of Faith?
“Kiral?”, she said in a thin whisper. When there was no response she spoke out a little louder this time, “Kiral!?”, birds chirped and the susurrations of the winds rolled over her, “Kiraaaaal!”, she yelled after preparing for a few minutes.
She yelled three more times but to no avail. Giving no care as to whether surviving cultists or predators prowled nearby. Hoping against hope that her friend was not dead.
‘She isn’t dead. It only could’ve been her who took me out of that place’, she thought.
‘It was her, you fool. But the tree had changed her’, said Ginendertha inside her, ‘Don’t worry, it was common for new initiates to our order to run away once they saw how the powers changed them. It is a hard thing to adjust to the changes in your body especially when the changes are so significant’.
Volra willed her to shut up but it was no use. Though the Senerjai no longer had control over her body, her voice could still plague the assassin’s mind.
It was a trial to move but Volra managed it. First her arms then her legs. Wiggling them to get used to the pain and then increasing the movements by grabbing on to a nearby trunk and pulling herself up. Standing was the greatest challenge then for it meant an even more intense agony, the kind that she had not felt since first training under Noseraph. Without thinking, she took a direction and started walking. She was still breathing, and she had killed Galakni.

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/God_Dammit_MoonMoon in treelaw
trigger warnings: Tree Destruction
mood spoilers: Mild Confusion
 
(Virginia) Neighbor is on video ripping my eastern redbud sapling out of the ground - 2024-05-05
TLDR -- (location: VA) neighbor came onto my property -- I have her on video coming from her yard and carrying yard debris, looking around as she goes, walking up to one of my redbud saplings, ripping it out of the ground and breaking it in half a couple of times as she walked back to her property. The tree is very clearly on my property. She was (very clearly) looking to see if anyone was around before she did it. What is "standard procedure" here? How do I get her to replace at least the one tree I have her on video destroying? I'd ask how to not make this living situation awkward, but we're way past that at this point.
Long Version:
I live in Virginia in a neighborhood without an HOA. I bought my house a couple of years ago and there were zero large trees in the yard.
All of my neighbors have very landscaped yards. My house needed renovation, so I haven't done much in the yard other than plant some trees so they had time to get established. In the 2 years I've lived here, I've planted 7 trees in the front yard.
4 of the trees I have planted have been eastern redbud saplings on either side of my driveway. The first pair died over the first winter I was here and then I planted the second pair this past fall.
The most recent pair survived. One was absolutely thriving and the other was struggling but had growth. Between the trees and my neighbors property is my mailbox and the trees have mulch rings.
I say these things because it's not like there's a question of whose property the trees were on or did they look dead (and did the neighbor think they were doing me a favor by removing yard debris).
Three weeks ago, I went out to check the mail and the one closest to my neighbors yard was missing. There wasn't a sapling laying on the ground so it wasn't like an animal chewed it at the base and it fell over. The entire thing was gone but the mulch wasn't disturbed. I even dug into the mulch to try to find the root ball because it was so weird. No root ball.
My partner and I couldn't remember the last time we had seen it and we had friends in town helping with the renovation so it went out of our mind as a weird thing. Partner was convinced it was an animal. I was convinced someone stole my tree.
Tonight, I went out to take the garbage to the road and -- lo and behold -- the 2nd redbud is missing.
I look around for it -- in case it's on the ground and it's not there. Mulch isn't disturbed. Exact same situation as the other one. So I dig down to try to find the root ball and there isn't one. it's only 4ft tall, so not like there'd be a big one to begin with.
I call my partner and let them know. They've been out of town but mention when they left Wednesday morning, they remember checking on the tree. So I go to the video footage.
It was there the morning of the 1st and the morning of the 2nd. The morning of the 3rd....hard to tell. It might be there. It might not. I go through more video from friday and confirm the tree is not there.
So I go back to the 2nd and I start going through the video and around 7pm, I get my answer -- I see my neighbor walk onto my property, carrying yard debris from her yard. She's looking around, and then walks up to the tree, rips it out of the ground, and walks back off to her property snapping the tree in half a couple of times as she goes. If I had to guess, she was carrying the yard debris as a cover "oh I thought it was yard debris and I was just trying to help".
I went back to check to see if I have her on video doing the same thing to the first tree, but the video doesn't go back that far unless you specifically save the video (which I didn't think to do). If I were a gambler, I'd put money on the fact that she did the same thing to the first tree.
I know tree law in VA states that if the trees are on your side you can trim them as long as you don't do it to a point where you kill them, but these trees were very much on my property. The one that she killed recently, it was literally the tree, my driveway, a small stretch of yard (where the 1st tree was that went missing) , my mailbox, and then the neighbors yard.
What is standard procedure here on addressing this with a neighbor? I don't want to get police involved for destruction of property but at the same time, who comes onto someones property and rips their trees out of the ground?
Unrelated -- my relationship with this neighbor has always been wonderful. Like I bake them pies and the give me things from their garden. We bring in packages for each other when fedex inevitably delivers them to the wrong house. There was a windstorm in March that blew a tree from their neighbors yard (two houses down from me) into their yard and I went out with my chainsaw to help cut it up so it didn't just sit.
*quick update\*
So this has gathered far more comments than I expected but I figured there were a couple of things that needed to be addressed.
First -- the video. The video is safe. I have a copy on my phone, personal laptop, work laptop, and have sent it to many, many friends because it's such a batshit situation. We have copies should I need to use it.
Second, tree proximity to property line -- because I was curious, I went out with my handy dandy tape measure to check to see how far the trees were planted from the line. The first tree that was yoinked 3 weeks ago was 6ft from the property line. The second tree that was pulled a few days ago was 22 feet 3 inches from the property line. The only one arguably "close" to the property line was the first one (6ft from the line) and honestly, if she had come to me with a concern about it, I probably would have agreed to move it in the fall when it went dormant and it was safe to do so. Instead she chose tree violence.
Third, "the plan". Because my partner travels a lot, we both own our houses (so neither of us are going anywhere), and because I want to make sure she doesn't retaliate against the other 9 baby trees in my backyard (that's fenced in) or my dog, I've decided to take u/kemperflow 's advice to an extent. Basically I'm going to tell them someone vandalized and stole property out of my yard and that I'm going to be going through the video from one of the cameras in the next couple of days and this camera points at the area of the trees. I'm going to ask them if they've had anyone vandalize or steal their property in the last week or so. Basically giving them the opportunity to fess up and give me whatever lie they come up with on the spot as to why she destroyed the trees. If she owns up to it, I'll ask her to buy me new trees to make it right and then tell her she should not come onto my property and do something like this again without my permission. If she doesn't, in a few days I'll go back with the video and give her another opportunity to make it right. At that point if she still doesn't, then I'll report her for theft and destruction of property and have her trespassed. Because we're not going anywhere anytime soon, I don't want to go completely nuclear in the first round. Hopefully it doesn't get to last bit.
Fourth, she is an avid gardener. She has trees lining the back of her property, trees on the property line she shares with me (close to where the redbud massacre of 2024 occurred), a vegetable garden, so many rose and phlox bushes I've lost count and recently added some new low shrubs near the trees on the back of her property. Her yard is very curated with many shrubs, trees, and flowers -- both deciduous and evergreen. While I could be wrong, I don't think her removing the trees had to do with her being concerned about their leaves. If she were, she'd probably take down one of the two 60 yr old maple trees in her backyard.
 
Update: (Virginia) Neighbor is on video ripping my eastern redbud sapling out of the ground - 2024-05-07
Okay, so this will *hopefully* be the final update and there won't be any need to get motion activated sprinklers involved. I'm not ruling them out if this ends up escalating after this post.
Today I worked from my closet because it has a window that just so happens to overlook my neighbors garden and her car was in her driveway so I knew she was home.
Around 1pm she made an appearance so I went out to "check the mail". I waved to her with a big smile and said hello. She said hello and we exchanged minor pleasantries. And then I segued into asking
"Oh hey, have you guys noticed if you've had anything stolen or vandalized in your yard?"
"Oh no. not at all."
"I'm glad to hear it. I've had two trees taken from my yard over the last 3 weeks."
"What do you mean taken from your yard?"
"Well the two redbuds I had at the end of the driveway -- they were saplings and one was by the mail box and the other was by the lamp post. The first disappeared about 3 weeks ago and the second one disappeared sometime after Wednesday last week."
"No, we haven't had anything like that happen."
"That's great. Yeah, I don't know what happened. I'm going to check one of the cameras I have on the property in the next couple of days. It's pointed at the driveway, so it gets clear views of the trees and we'll be able to see what happened. Hopefully it's just animals or something because if someone came onto my property and stole them, I'm going to have to get the police involved for theft."
If I didn't have her attention before, I definitely had it at the last bit because she started asking more clarifying questions about these missing trees -- What kind of trees did you say? And where were they? How big were they?
I answer all of her questions and add on that it sucks because I bought these trees and they had been planted since fall but "Yeah, I guess we will find out what happened in a few days when I have an opportunity to check the video." And that's about the time she says "Oh, That might've been me. I think I thought they were weeds." (For the record — no I do not believe she mistook two 4ft saplings for weeds.)
I let her know that if that's the case, I would like her to replace them. To which she replies that she's not sure but it might've been.
I reassured her that it's okay if she doesn't know. We can wait to resolve this until I view the video because I absolutely do not want her to pay for replacements if she's not responsible.
Y'all. She absolutely did not want me to go to the video.
She asked me what kind of trees again and I told her. She said that if I told her how much they were, she’d pay me back.
And I said “are you sure you don’t want to wait to check the video?”
“No no. I’ll take care of it. Just let me know.”
I pulled my phone up and found comparable redbuds online and we calculated the total that she would owe together. She went inside and gave me cash to get replacements for the redbuds. We stood and chatted for a couple more minutes but I did reiterate that she needed to talk with me before doing something like this in the future and if she see's some weeds that she thinks needs to be pulled on my property to let me know because it isn't fair or right for her to bear the burden of weeding my yard.
And so concludes The Redbud Murder Saga. (I hope)
 
Reminder - I am not the original poster. DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS.

Hi everyone I’m a 20 yr old female diagnosed with a Solid osseous middle subtalar facet coalition in my left ankle and Medial talocalcaneal coalition involving the sustentaculum talus in my right ankle. (To be honest I have no idea what that means really and i have no idea if those are pretty much the same thing).
It all started when I sprained my right ankle landing on chunk of concrete in the dark when I was 17 and I heard a crunch and thought I broke my ankle (rolled inwards). Got an X-ray and no bones were fractured just seemed like a grade 2 ankle sprain. After about a month it felt pretty good to go play beach volleyball again. I’ve always played a lot of sports and exercised almost everyday bc it’s one of my favorite things to do. About 2 weeks later I was walking in the sand at my volleyball practice and I stepped down with my left foot and my ankle collapsed and I felt a pop (collapsed inwards). I continued playing because I didn’t want to face the fact I somehow hurt my other ankle after having to completely stop all activity and rest the other. It didn’t hurt as bad as the other one and my right ankle pretty much had no more pain at this point and maybe just a little weak. I stopped working out and just did volleyball bc both became too much, eventually everything became too much and volleyball then rest a few days and back to volleyball wasn’t helping. I took a month off and it still felt weird and hurt, it felt like a burning sensation all the time. Sitting felt worse after I walked around and I limped most places. I wore an ankle brace everywhere until finally I got an MRI telling me I have an ankle coalition which is causing my pain. This wrecked me because the solutions were manage the pain or surgery which both sounded terrible. A few months later the pain went away completely and I felt normal again. I started all my sports and the things I loved and I finally felt happy again. The only signs of pain was when I played tennis and it would ache after but the pain would only last a few hrs and it was mild.
Fast forward to about a year later I’m playing pickleball and I felt like my right foot was feeling kind of weird so when I got back to my room I sat down and my foot started to feel like I terrible cramp on the inside of my right ankle (kind of right under the bone and on the bone). It lasted all night and even when I woke up I thought I had tendonitis, and the pain was on the inside and my left foot pain was on the outside so I never assumed it could be a coalition. The pain went away after mild activity for a week and I stopped doing court sports for the time being. Fast forward to now after and X-ray and mri knowing I have a coalition in both feet I don’t know what to do. I play pickleball all the time and have had around 5 flare ups since then and each one I have that sharp cramping pain that burns on the inside of my right foot I can feel the pain shoot up every time I play. Each flare up has happened from a court sport and it’s just so hard bc I love pickleball so much and I’ve had to give up so much from this foot pain. I had to give up volleyball all together from it which destroyed me mentally. I’ve read so many posts and surgery sounds like it’s a rare chance to fix anything. I just love sports and I don’t want to give up pickleball, like I’ve gave up everything I love it so much! So here are my questions:
-is there a high chance surgery will allow me to play court sports or run without pain? -I have pain for about a week if I fully rest it, is surgery worth it? -I love sports, does anyone have any tips on things that can help when playing to manage pain? - my pain is so different from the left ankle and my podiatrist told me it’s the same coalition so why are my pain locations different? -should I see other podiatrists for different suggestions? - could this be something else and not the coalition, bc I haven’t heard anyone else have pain in this location?

So basically this weird thing just started happening to my truck where the engine would start to run rough ONLY when I'm about to park in parking lots.
It sounds rough like it's about to stall but It never actually does. It's so rough it shakes the entire truck. But I let it sit there one time running rough, not putting any pressure on the accelerator as well and after a minute or two idling rough, it just suddenly smooths out and everything is fine again . It almost sounds like it stalled because the engine suddenly goes back to normal operation which is much quieter compared to whatever the hell it's doing but nope it just kind of fixes itself.
It's just strange to me that it only happens in parking lots during low RPM. But why only parking lots ? Everytime I drive it there is no loss of power, it sounds like a beast and even slowing down to stops in low RPM it never happens, it's smooth as hell. Literally only occurs in parking lots !! It's so bizarre and I'm scratching my head here.
I looked online and there's a ton of advice for the 5.4 triton. I'm aware it has a lot of issues but everything people suggest to change has already been changed. All the timing parts are new from last year. Spark plugs , VCT , cam phasers you name it.
I came across a thread suggesting that it might be low charge from the battery during low RPM causing all sorts of instruments/sensors to not function properly. And I am actually getting a code for both camshaft position sensors. But it only pops up sometimes.
So I decided to give my battery a check and man both terminals were caked in corrosion and green battery acid shit. So I cleaned it all up, sanded the terminals and applied dielectric grease. Did the whole idle relearn after that and so far I have not been able to replicate the problem in parking lots. It seems smoother. Fingers crossed that actually fixed it.
But if it does return. Any ideas on what could be the problem ? My mechanic says it's just the camshaft sensor need replacing so that's my next thing to try I guess.
P.S I was also advised to put in thicker oil next oil change (5W30) and to only use MotoRcraft filters. So I'll try that as well.

Some say that the night is the calmest time of the day, others never find serenity in the silence of the night.
I remember those nights when I woke up after short slumbers. I absent-mindedly made my way to the sink, purposefully keeping my head down as I washed my face.
Then came that one night, when I kept my eyes shut longer than usual after I had closed the faucet. I remember how I gathered all the courage I had, and I lifted my head slowly. I opened my eyes to see the mirror in front of me, and there I was looking at myself. A twenty-five-year-old man with more than twenty-five grey hairs on his head. That sight turned my apathy into rage. Without thinking, I raised my hand and I started to pluck every grey hair. Every time I plucked a hair I cursed a moment of my life. Hair after hair, I lost count. After I had plucked the last one that I could find I took deep breaths, looking back at myself. My hair was completely dark, like how a young man should have.
In awe of what I had just done, I stared at myself. I brushed back my hair with my hand, and as I did, I saw one last grey hair that hid underneath. I was determined to do to it the same thing that I did, but when I saw it by itself, I felt pity for it; for myself. It seemed as if it were begging for mercy, screaming "what have I done?" I slowly let it go and looked back into my eyes. I took some other deep breaths, and I told myself: "From this moment until the time those hairs grow back, I'll do what I can. To learn how to live, to escape this burden that I hold in my chest." I went back to my room, changed my clothes, and wore my jacket and headed to the house door. I put my hand on the metal handle, I remember how cold it was that winter. I opened the door.
I remember when I took the first step of my journey late at night. The smell of rain fresh in the air. The still water on the roads reflected the yellow lamps, creating a frigid world sparkling with dazzling lights. I slipped my hands into my pockets, and wandered aimlessly through the streets. No sounds were heard that hour, everyone was dreaming in their sleep. I walked between cars and through alleyways, reaching places that I never knew existed. I felt alone at that time, but that solitude was comforting. When I walk alone, no one knows where I go. My feet took the lead, head lost in thoughts.
I found myself on top of a hill at the edge of town. From that hight, I could see where the street lamps stop, drawing a line that separate the light from the dark beyond. Just before the last few lamps, I saw an old building that was abandoned before I was born. From the hill looking down, I could see that it had a large yard surrounded by a wall and a single gate. Everything about that building seemed dead, it was in ruins. I never knew what it was used for. Heard that it was an old storage but I don't know for what. That night, I didn't have the clarity of the mind to consider my decisions. I began walking towards it, wanting to see it up close.
I reached the gate. Its old rusted lock held the door shut with chains, but to my surprise, one of the hinges was completely dislodged giving me an easy access. When I entered I looked around the yard, There were many things scattered on the ground. Old tables, broken doors, and other things that I couldn't figure out how they ended up there. Every step I made was followed by a creaking of wood or the shattering of glass. I remember the way the building towered over me from that angle. The dark, open windows looked like the empty eye sockets of a skull staring back at me. The sound of the wind howling almost like it was daring me to enter. The stillness of that moment stunned me for a minute, and when I turned my back to leave, I heard a sound of something small calling from behind a corner of the building. I slowly moved towards it.
There, I saw a cat that had fear on its face. Next to it was a wooden barrel. When I approached the cat, it hissed at me. I was confused by that, why did it hiss at me instead of escaping? Then I heard a meowing of a kitten echoing inside the barrel. I knew immediately what this cat was protecting, she was the mother of that kitten. I examined the barrel from afar, I noticed that it was upside down. The upper side had a small hole on it, I assumed that was where the kitten fill from. I was certain that the underside didn't have a lid, so all I had to do was to carry the barrel slightly for the kitten to escape. However, every step I took forward, the mother hissed harder and backed up little by little. She couldn't understand that I wanted to help. I was concerned that she would either scratch me to keep me away, or even worse escape and leave her kitten behind.
I looked around me, I saw among the debris a long, wooden cane. I took it to reach the barrel without getting any closer. I walked around to the other side of the barrel where the mother cat couldn't see me. I slowly extended my arm holding the cane, grabbing the barrel by inserting the handle into the hole. I used the cane as a leverage, raising the side closest to the mother. The moment the gap became large enough for them to see each other, I heard the kitten's meows change from an echoing sadness to a bright call of longing. The mother without hesitation grabbed the kitten and ran away as fast as she could. Never looking back. I stood there asking myself: "If I weren't here this night, I wonder, would that kitten have died in that barrel?" I looked up at the face of the building again. Perhaps my feelings that night were only for me to save the kitten. I walked towards the gate again, leaving the building behind.
I walked the streets looking down. Without noticing, I reached a park that had no fence. It was full of children's games and flowers. It seemed like a memento of my past. The swings dangling without anyone to push. Standing next to the slide, I could see that I was taller than it was. It all seemed lost and forgotten, but what was funny to me was how the roses had the same colour of the pale sand under the yellow light. I walked and walked at that park, felt fatigued at the time. I saw a bench left alone in the middle of the grass. I sat there, reflecting on my life. And after some time, I buried my face in my hands.
I heard the sound of steps crushing the grass. They were getting closer until they stopped. I didn't even have the will to look up. I heard a raspy voice: "What's wrong?" I weakly looked back. Saw the face of a concerned old man. Many wrinkles on his face, hair completely white. When I saw him I tightly crossed my arms without saying a word, facing down and away from him. I could feel him staring at me, then without a word, he sat down next to me. The lamps turned off in unison as the light of dawn began to colour the sky. The hum of the breeze was contrasting the bitter silence between us. I didn't know that man and I don't think he knew me, but the circumstances of that encounter make two strangers seem like lifelong companions.
After a while, I heard his voice again: "You know, I remember when I was your age, I had done many foolish things that I am ashamed to admit. I had thrown away the future that I could have had. I regret everything that I did. But I am alive, and you still have a life In front of you. Don't waste it. You are still young". With those words he stood up and left. I saw his silhouette getting smaller and smaller until I couldn't see him anymore. I might have imagined it but the air felt easier to breathe then. The melody of the songbirds were in harmony with the beats of my heart. Amazing is the mind; it shifts from emotion to emotion on a whim, just like how the black night is replaced by the first rays of the sun.
It is that night that I so vividly remember. Now, many years have passed, I sit in my bedroom every morning combing my hair. The signs of age evident on me, my hair is completely grey. I remember that bittersweet night while holding back my tears from spilling, grateful for a moment that passed. I stand up to begin my day. Just as I am about to put my comb back in its drawer, I notice a single hair that has been caught between its teeth. I take that hair and look at it with a smile. The upper half is dark and the lower half is grey.

I've noticed that at times minor injuries cause me more pain than more severe injuries and it's always struck me as odd. Or my body will react like I'm I'm pain but I don't feel the severity that would warrant that reaction?
For example I'm on my period and I'm not consciously acting like I'm in the degree of pain I'm in. My body reacts before my brain catches up. Ive been wincing and started crying. Then I couldnt quite stand up straight without pain. But then my brain says "this is a level 2 why are you acting like this".
I've also been in more pain when I've hit my finger tips on a table by accident or stumbled and closed a sliding door on my hip compared to when I slightly dislocated my other hip. I thought I pulled a muscle and only went to the doctor when my leg started turning inwards and it hurt to walk. I've also hyperextended my elbow as a kid and apparently didn't act like I was in enough pain to warrant a doctor's visit until a month later when I could barely bend or straighten that arm. Ended up needing physical therapy for that one. I delt with labor contractions better than I did the cervical exams. The cervical exams about made me jump off the bed but when I was being admitted I was apparently having strong contractions every 2 or 3 minutes and never felt a thing until later. Healing from childbirth was a walk in the park for me. Getting my wisdom teeth out was five times worse.
Is anyone else like this? I feel like my entire body just reacts backwards to things. I also tend to forget that ibuprofen and Tylenol exist. I'll let myself be in pain saying I'll be fine until I end up remembering I can make the pain go away. I feel like a wimp for crying when I hit my hand but then called a badass for sitting through a 3 hour tattoo without even making a face. 3 hours isn't even that long compared to other tattoos.

February 15 i found out my husband and i were finally expecting our first baby. this was something i had absolutely begged and prayed for. i was over the moon, My entire life now revolved around “ im pregnant”
Towards the end of February i notice i was getting some intense cramping that would make me sick to my stomach, i spoke with some other moms and we’re all told by them “it’s normal”.
March 3 i was just waking up getting some breakfast and had an extremely sharp pain, this pain made me collapse to the floor. I immediately called my husband (Paramedic/FF) and he had a squad pick me up with him and take me to the ER.
By the time we arrived the cramp was gone, i felt completely “normal”. They still wanted to do a scan and just check everything out. We sat in the room for 2 hours before i was taken back to my scan. I walked into the room, the lady asked me to go use the bathroom to make sure i had no urine in my bladder, so i did. After she asked me to get on the table and explained to me the entire process.
I was so excited. i was finally going to be able to get a glimpse of my baby! i was 5 weeks so i hadn’t have had my first scan yet. i ask her if i can see what everything looks like, she approves if she can see anything. She goes from talking and carrying a conversation to total silence.
As i lay there all i can think is “is something wrong?”. She then helps me get off the table and gives me a hand towel to clean myself off. As i walk into the bathroom to do so and get my pants back on, i go to wipe.
There it was. Blood. Everywhere. My stomach immediately dropped as all i can repeating say “no no no”. The lady wheels me back to my room where my husband is sitting with a smile waiting for me to return. When he sees my face he knows something isn’t right.
Of course while waiting for results i’m googling “blood while 5 weeks” “brown blood at 5 weeks, is this normal?”. My doctor then walks in, grabs the tv remote and turns the tv off and sits down. She then looks at me grabs my hand and lets me know of the news. Ectopic Pregnancy. At this moment my entire life was just crushed. everything was ruined. My husband attempted to console me with no success.
I was also informed that due to the scan the pregnancy had bursted and i was needed to be transported to a different hospital that was 30 minutes away from there to have emergency surgery to remove my tube.
I begged and begged for the Transportation to allow my husband to ride with me.I needed him too. Of course this was denied. 30 Minutes of crying, screaming, not understanding what i did wrong.
Today, i am still having the hardest time finding a way to cope. Anytime i get a reminder i just uncontrollably loose it. Yes i understand this takes time, but it’s almost feeling like the longer it’s been, the harder it is. We have finally been cleared from my surgeon to try again, My husband is So excited. I, am not. All i can think about is how bad it hurt me to know i lost a part of me. I don’t know if i can go through that again. Now i’m so lost. the one thing i prayed for, begged for and hoped for i am absolutely terrified to have happen.

Howdy y'all. I haven't posted for awhile so I thought I'd give another short story a try. This takes place during Chapter 2 after Kris, Susie and Ralsei split temporarily leaving Kris alone. Hope you enjoy.
An Honest Conversation
Kris, Susie and Ralsei came up to a split in the road in Cyber City, Ralsei noting the occasion by walking up in front of the group and looking towards Kris and Susie as they wondered what he had to say.
"Seems we've come to a split in the road. We should split up--Kris, who do you want to go with?" Ralsei looked to the human, slightly annoying Susie.
"Why does Kris get to pick all the time?!" Susie walked up towards Ralsei, grabbing him by the shirt. "You're coming with me."
With that, a blank faced Kris was left behind as Susie took off down the northern alley leaving the human behind to fend for himself.
"SUSIE!!" Ralsei shouted.
"WHAT?!"Susie responded.
"you can put me down." The goat Darkner whispered in slight annoyance.
"...oh." Susie gently stopped running, putting the hairy goat Darkner down. "Sorry."
"Why'd you leave Kris behind like that?" Ralsei asked, wiping off his green robes.
"He'll be fine." Susie sighed. "Sides...I was kinda nervous he'd choose me."
"Why?" Ralsei inquired.
"We just became friends yesterday, ya doofus." Susie explained, sitting down against the alley wall. "I'm not ready for that conversation...yet."
"That conversation?" Ralsei raised an eyelid.
"What, are you a million questions Ralsei today?"
"I'm sorry, I'm kinda new to this whole friends thing myself." Ralsei looked down.
Susie sighed, remembering that very fact herself.
"Yeah, kinda hard just having a Ralsei statue as company I suppose." Susie mused, wiping her snout. "The thing is...me and Kris have always been on the opposite end of the spectrum. Kris...he's had security his whole life. Me, I've had shitty parents and no guarantee of a good meal or warm bed. It sucks. I treated him like dirt for the longest time Ralsei. One time, I came pretty damn close to really hurting him. If I didn't stop myself right then I would've done it. I was mad at him...he was so socially awkward, never talked to anyone, kept to himself. Despite everything I did, Kris risked his life for mine. For the first time in my life, I was scared to lose someone. I saw the King holding Kris in his disgusting hands, using the very same words I muttered earlier..."QUIET PEOPLE PISS ME OFF" he uttered his tongue out. It hit me what I had to do."
"Susie, I think it's clear to me that Kris would listen and not judge you given his actions." Ralsei sat down, playing with his fur.
"You think?" Susie asked. "I hardly know the kid. All I know for sure is that he has the greatest Mom ever and that his hair smells annoyingly of apples. You don't know what willpower it took for me NOT to take a bite outta that kid's head."
"I'm sure he'd get you an apple if you asked." Ralsei snickered at the thought.
"His Mom makes good pies...I'll have to pester Kris to have his Mom make us some of her cinnamon-butterscotch pies she's known for." Susie drooled at the thought. "You should come to the Light World sometime, Ralsei. You'd enjoy it."
"I'll...keep that in mind." Ralsei looked away, dodging the question as nimbly as he could.
"I mean it! We three and Lancer would be invincible!" Susie grinned, just thinking of it. "You could be Ms. Alphy's teacher's pet and Lancer could dig all the holes in town he wanted. There's enough pot holes already as it is...a few more wouldn't hurt I suppose."
"I'm sure it would be wonderful, Susie." Ralsei acknowledged.
"Well, just think about it." Susie let end it there, seeing the troubled look on Ralsei's face. There was something he obviously wasn't telling her but it could wait. She didn't want to ruin this. "Look, the real reason I dragged you into this path was--I want to ask you about Kris."
"Kris? What about?" Ralsei asked.
"Don't tell Kris I said any of what I'm about to tell you. And I mean NONE of it Ralsei." Susie narrowed her eyes.
"My lips are zipped." Ralsei meekly responded.
"Good." Susie sighed. "After we left the Dark World yesterday, I felt things I hadn't felt ever...I wasn't sure what happened was real. All I knew was that I felt them and that I didn't want to lose them...most of all, I didn't want to lose Kris. Kris...the kid I hated for my all time in Hometown I now couldn't stand to be without. I thought of em' the whole night. I didn't get any sleep Ralsei and trust me, that bed you presented earlier was VERY tempting...you bastard."
"S-Sorry."
"It's ok...I'm just venting here. Anyway...I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know how I should go about this whole thing."
"When did you plan to have...the conversation?"
"Sometime in the Dark World, when it was just me and Kris."
"Why don't you talk to him when you guys are done with this adventure? You could walk him home." Ralsei suggested.
"Say Kris, why don't I walk ya home and we can talk serious junk...yeah Rals, that'll go down real well."
"R-Rals?"
"What, no one ever called you a nickname?" Susie raised an eyebrow.
"Well, insults like toothpaste boy not withstanding...Rals isn't bad." Ralsei blushed.
"Geez, I'm gonna have to teach you a LOT." Susie moaned, slapping the side of her snout. "Don't expect these lessons to be free either, toothpaste boy. You're gonna have to make a lot of cakes."
"S-Sure." Ralsei sweat. "I mean it though...don't make a big deal, just...offer to walk him home and just bring it up when you two are nice and relaxed."
"Like, when we're sitting down or something? Like now?"
"Yeah! We're talking, having a serious conversation aren't we?" Ralsei nodded in glee.
"No, we're talking about rainbows." Susie rolled her eyes.
"W-We are?" Ralsei second guessed himself.
"NO...that was SARCASM." Susie sighed once again. "I swear with this guy..."
"Sarcasm?"
"I swear I'm gonna call you Million Questions Ralsei forever if you don't stop." Susie crossed her arms. "It's when you want to express annoyance but do it indirectly."
"Huh. I'll have to try that..."
"Can we focus?" Susie snapped.
"O-Oh, sorry--so Kris, what do you want to ask him?"
"I try asking him if we'd still be friends if I opened that supply closet door and you guys weren't there but I chickened out at the last second. I didn't want to think about the possibility of that not being a thing."
Ralsei went silent, looking at Susie as she looked to the ground thinking of Kris in that moment.
"Susie, I didn't realize that Kris meant that much to you." Ralsei rubbed the back of his head. "Am I the one you should really be asking for advice on this? I mean, after all I'm...just learning how to be a friend. And you've done all the teaching thus far."
"Kris and I just became friends. The thought of losing that just scares me...scares me to my very core. The little I did sleep I had a nightmare. It was me and him in front of that bunker door in the woods. He was shaking the whole time, scared of something--I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't tell me, backing away each time I walked towards the door. Suddenly, the door opened and a look of terror that I've never seen on him erupted on Kris' face. He looked at me, reached out to me but was sucked in and I had to watch as the doors closed on him. I couldn't save him, Ralsei! Kris almost died trying to save me yesterday Ralsei...I don't want to lose him." Susie began to break down. "All this time, I've treated that kid LIKE SHIT and despite everything, he still stuck his neck out for me. What do you say to that!? What do you do with that?! Jesus..."
Susie stood up, sniffling and wanting to begin walking again.
"H-Hey...Susie."Ralsei got up, gently putting a hand on Susie's arm, Susie growing stiff at the contact, Ralsei quickly pulling his hand away.
"Y-Yeah?" Susie turned around, trying to regain her composure.
"My offer still stands. I could teach you some healing spells, if you're up for it. Of course, the lessons would be payment for your advice from earlier." Ralsei offered. "This could help you protect Kris."
"They're hiding something Ralsei, I know it." Susie said. "It troubles Kris, even before we came to the Dark World. If there's something Kris knows and is trying to solve, I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario. I want to protect him."
"Then we'll start with the basics and on the way, refine your approach to conversation starters, all right?" Ralsei smirked.
"R-Rals?"
"Yes, Susie?"
"You're not half bad." Susie smirked, putting an arm around him.
"T-Thanks." Ralsei blushed. "I don't suppose that would translate to hugging..."
"DO NOT PUSH YOUR LUCK."

My wife and I have been together for 15 years and through it all I have seen her get screwed over by women friends time and time again. She has a good heart, wants to help everyone and has nothing but good things to say about everyone. Yet her choice of friends somehow always turn out being chaotic trauma dumpsters filled with envy and jealousy.
For context, the ex-BFF in this story (we’ll call her Sarah since that’s what autocorrected when I typed “aitah”) and her have been friends since childhood. Sarah had a rough childhood and my wife’s family always took her in, took her on vacations and they were inseparable for many years. At times in HS, they had their falling outs of course and so on every 4-6 years after HS. Something would come up, Sarah would say something mean to my wife and they’d not talk for a year. Then, she’d come back in to her life. My wife rationalizes this as a friendship cycle which I would agree with except for the patterns and toxicity Sarah exhibits in her own life as well as others. She tends to gossip about others, has made some questionable decisions in her own marriage and most everything she complains or bitches about is purely conjecture and projection. She loves to stick a knife in your back and twist it as hard as she can when she’s feeling vindictive and many of her old peer group have many unkind things to say about her unbeknownst to her. Yet, my wife likes to see the best in people as well as being someone who can be influenced out of fear or intimidation (which Sarah has done many times).
Sarah’s attributes:
— Demonstrates deep seated resentment and jealousy towards my wife. Wife is kind, a complete bombshell and comes from a generous family. Sarah attempts to control her, makes lewd comments about her breast being too big and then gets breast implants herself, do as I say, not as I do mentality.
—Infidelity and the communication for the desire to leave her husband many times over.
—Sends my wife novels complaining about her relationship, co-workers and friends expecting full support and attention to her concerns; wife can’t get her to reciprocate about simple conversation, vent about her stresses taking care of our autistic children and the loneliness she feels just wanting friends.
—Throws her psychology degree and her accomplishments in my wife’s face when my wife is just trying to vent about her day, boasting of freedom and date nights (no kids)
—Boasts about going to their friends places for the weekend that is close to us (we live 3.5hrs a part) and taking trips, but never committing or trying to make an effort to see my wife for any meetups (or cancelling when we head down to my in-laws where they live).
I could go on, but I’ll continue with the situation….
(Philosophical conflict that I’m thinking about breaking out of spite)
My wife and I have been through hell and back in our lives. And out of each situation we overcome, I’ve stressed to her over time that situation dumping personal information about us to others will, over time, create a confirmation bias with her audience. I’ve seen it a million times in real life, on Reddit, everywhere. When there is a personal connection (friends) between two or more people, a singular narrative seen through the lens of one person is taken as the end all/be all truth and bad advice and information is suggested. So while you and your SO have worked out whatever issue you had and moved on, you can bet your ass the friend(s) you anger dumped on have indexed the instance in their databases, recollecting it when they need a topical punching bag in conversation amongst others and to slowly start suggesting relationship advice out of the resentment they feel by proxy from temporary issues you have since reconciled.
Unless it’s detrimental to your life, children’s lives or is a legal matter, I’m a staunch believer in people working out their marital issues amicably, peacefully and privately.
(Mother’s Day Drama) We are enjoying Mother’s Day. My boys and I are pampering mom, taking all duties off of her bc damnit she deserves it. Wish it was an entire weekend.
After cleaning, taking the kids out to get some cookies and then getting ready to make her dinner, she comes walking into the room, eyes red, crying and saying “I lost my best friend again”. She then proceeded to show me a one message text blaming my wife for something that she never clarified. It was cryptic stating: “I know what you were hoping I would never find out. Someone told me the desperate stuff you attempted even though we are such good friends, right”. It goes on to say that this why karma has come so hard for her in her life and she’ll pray for her. Sarah didn’t write anything else, blocked her on everything and just cut her out of her life like nothing. My wife is devastated and we still don’t know the full story of what she heard, just that it was something from high school 20+ years ago! And apparently she heard it earlier and waited until Mother’s Day to contact my wife.
Now y’all, you must understand, my wife and I have access to each other’s digital footprint on everything and have absolutely zero to hide from one another. I’m in IT and deal mainly with security and ethical hacking. I can say unequivocally that my wife has not stepped out or done anything, whatsoever. Furthermore, the text mentioned “Karma coming so hard for her” and the only thing she is referring to with this statement is us having children on the spectrum with in being more severe than the others, and not having “normal” children. And come to find out, this is some rumor Sarah heard from a mutual childhood friend about my wife back in HIGHSCHOOL and it wasn’t even true. Yet, she has the audacity to contact my wife on Mother’s Day and acts so righteous, tearing my wife’s world apart.
I literally want to download all of the text messages about her coworkers she talked shit about, her husband she didn’t want to be with and the drugging she does and send it to the school where she works and her husband anonymously to make her experience her own karma for the pain, anguish and loneliness she’s put my wife through on Mother’s Day and for the past 15 years. I most likely won’t, but shit, this woman has some bad juju coming her way. AITAH for feeling this way?
P.S. Please leave some comments of hope and inspiration for my wife so I can show her the world is still a good place filled with good people outside of her old childhood friends that are toxic AF.

I'm from a very complicated family, everyone contributes to this weirdest family relationships.
Long story short, parents been separated for 15-20yrs, Mother is 'NPD' controlling freak who hates me and wishes me dead, but slightly changed how she treats since I've been working. My elder brother is not close to me at all, thanks to Mother's manipulation that turned him against me. Father, oh, Father is just... I don't know how to talk about him, I'll try to not put too much emotional stuff in this.
Father worked really hard to raise us two kids. I used to be so sad just watching him going through daily hard labor work, day after day. As you can imagine, he does not make much.
My brother has caused lots of trouble, starting with before I even got to school, families would constantly tell him, his life was degraded because of my birth, which is probably true. Mother would say, look how much your brother sacrificed for me and whatever I ate, my brother spared for me, etc. ever since I was a baby.
While we were still in school, my brother tried to rob some taxi driver and got into lots of trouble. I watched Father’s hair turn grey overnight. Then he got a girl pregnant, and her parents threatened to sue him ‘raping the girl’. Father’s hair went almost completely grey that year.
Father looked so much older during those few years. I feel so terrible cause I was not helping much.
Parents fought every year, especially around festivals. I hate festivals and family reunions as bad as you can imagine.
Even years later now, it sets me in this dramatically desperately sad mode even just talking with them. At least a whole week would be super messed up and then slowly adjusting myself back to be a normal person.
See I really appreciate how Father has done for us and he even got me through college. I witnessed all the pain and hard work he put done for this.
I was close to him but in a weird way, I often hate him too, trying to keep my distance. I didn’t understand why.
Until the 3^rd year in college, one of my friends was really depressed for a while, one day she was talking about some really difficult stuff she was going through with her dad, I was trying to listen and help her through that period.
And suddenly it hit me so hard, shit, think my dad did the same thing to me as well.
That day opened up a gap in that forced to be closed slowly healed rough ugly scar from family traumas, all those left behind memories flooded back to me. Ever since then, I have been in an even worse condition. All the sadness, oh boy, even today, I’m in tears just typing these words.
My uncle is a rapist. Before he was sent to jail, he pulled my pants as well, he didn’t do anything further besides watching, at least that one time that know of, nothing else happened. I was about maybe 5yrs old, I didn’t know what it meant. The year he was arrested, I was already in elementary school and starting to know that was, maybe, not right. When I told my parents about it, and they said, well just shut up about it and don’t mention it to anyone else, you should be ashamed.
When I was about 10yrs old, I started to be sent to semi foster type of families, mainly neighbors, because parents had to work somewhere else, and brother started boarding school. My foster family are generally nice to me, treated me well, fed me 3 meals a day. Food makes people happy.
I was also happy because Father wasn’t around.
The first time I sensed danger I was about 9yrs old.
Again, Mother had never ever told me anything about what is like being a girl, how to deal with period, breast may start to have some changes, wear underwear, wash and clean lady parts, etc. nothing.
I didn’t exist in that house unless she needed someone to vent. As you can see, I was smart, I made myself invisible as much as I could.
Around 4^th grade I had to do some performance for children’s day, our headmaster accidentally realized I was not wearing any undergarments, so she kindly gave me some of her granddaughter’s. After that performance, I started to wear those every day. They look more like little cami top shirts.
One day I woke up, I was already late for school. I got so scared, and I started crying. Father was often more patient with me. He was comforting me and told me to get off bed and get ready for school. I was crying and I wasn’t paying much attention to what he said. And suddenly I realized he stopped talking. I looked up and watched him staring at me, he looked so strange and oddly scary at that moment, not like he was beat me or anything, like a … predator. I tried to figure out what caught his attention and then I realized, half of my breast was showing because the undergarments were too big for me, and I moved when sitting up in bed.
I immediately stopped crying and pulled it up. But I would never forget his eyes, the way he stared at my breasts. It often makes me sick whenever thinking about it even today. I was confused and a bit scared, and I guess ever since then it sort of startled me, the love for my father. But again, I was too young to understand what happened and I did not have anyone around me to tell me girls’ changes around certain age.
Father soon left for a few years, and I was really relived. I don’t know how to describe this feeling and I could only understand myself better till years later.
After Father left, I started going around semi foster families, including my grandparents’ place. Around summertime, I realized the bathroom lock broke, so I just blocked it from inside with chairs every time taking a shower. Still one day, my grandfather forced in and claimed he needed something from the inside. I stood there naked for a second, then rushed to get my clothing and rushed out of the bathroom.
Ever since then, I tried everything to lock that door even more solidly and it worked. The problem is, even today, living thousands of miles away from where I grew up with, I am still extremely insecure with door locks, I buy all sorts of locks to double lock every door, using door stoppers as well.
Then one day, Father just showed up in my school again. He was back. I was happy but deep down something also quietly but terribly disturbed my peace.
One afternoon, while taking a shower, I suddenly felt weird. I started looking around and didn’t find anything odd. But that feeling keeps coming back. So, I looked around again; this time, I saw Father’s face and his eyes were by the window and staring at me, he was so concentrated and didn’t even realize I already saw him. I had to ask him what he was doing there, and he told me he was checking if I finished taking a shower. He looked panicked just like years ago when I busted him staring at my breasts when I was still in 4^th grade.
There were so many little things that happened when I was a kid, but I did not have the knowledge to distinguish what that meant.
I remember starting from one day, my grandmother started to guard me right outside the bathroom every time I took a shower. I didn’t know what that was for, she never mentioned anything, also because she was never that close to me, and I was the least favorite kid.
It’s like a puzzle. So many things started to connect, so many memories I buried deep down started to come back to me. I was so depressed for the first few years after I realized what happened to me when I was a kid. My friend’s memory somewhat triggered my memory valve as well.
About the time I started looking for internships, I was really busy, and it was stressful. One early morning, on the way to work I picked up a call from Father. He told me he was going to commit suicide but didn’t do it because of me.
Mother is really toxic which was not news to me, and they had separated for so many years and I really pity him. I had lots of terrible memories regarding Mother, I thought about suicide so many times every day for many many years ever since I learned the word ‘death’. I just never thought Father was gonna say it out first. It really shocked me, and I was really terrified. But again, death was never an extreme word for me, it was like a relief from my parents. See confused and scared, never knew what’s really going in my mind. I had so much to deal with and I felt I was going to explode but I didn’t have time for that, I was graduating college that year.
But since that, my previous thoughts about confronting Father about his perverting behaviors when I was kid, it just could not be done.
Now for years, I was torn again and again with thoughts about confronting him also worrying it might humiliate him and caused his suicidal thoughts again. I couldn’t tell if he was just trying to manipulate me or was really desperate.
Father worked hard raising my brother and me, and I got into college.
I have been depressed for years, struggling all the time, cutting myself at times when super extremely desperate and couldn’t do anything about it. I would buy tickets traveling all over the world and put parents’ names in my travel insurance, hoping that would pay them back if anything happened.
When I was about 30yrs old, finally one day I confronted him, twice, in person and on the phone, and he denied of course.
Again, I didn’t want to say anything and get him killed, so I stayed quiet for quite a few years again.
But in recent years, I couldn’t help it. I started screaming at him in my dreams and it kept me awake for days after such dreams.
A few days ago, I texted him about it and wanted an apology. I need closure. I desperately need it. I wasn’t planning to go any further than that and I was ready to let it go if he just admits it and just apologize.
After all, for many people, it might not even be considered as such an evil thing to do, right? I don’t know, I am super exhausted and confused.
He soon replied, of course he denied again and saying I was humiliating him, and he said if I still do not believe him, I should consider him dead. Also, he said, you two are my kids, what is there that I have never seen on you two anyways?
I cried for the whole night.
It is so disgusting that he really tried to manipulate me to accept what he said with suicidal/ death threatening, also how he tried to justify his behaviors.
I wished him well and promised to send money when I can, but also told him I won’t be talking to him anymore.
This is as much as I could have done for that little kid when I look back, that little me. It was not as expected but I have to let it go now.
I so wish someone could tell me how someone can be a father also a monster. I don’t know if I am being dramatic about these ‘little things’. I am so worried about he might kill himself because I wouldn’t know how to cure myself with that strike.
But I am in so much pain inside and as always I want to save myself. Every time talking to him is like sharpening this knife to cut open this giant ugly roughly almost healed scar. It’s so ugly and painful.