Quotes about nieces and nephews

So I (33F) had been seeing a guy (44M) lets call him Jim for just over 12 years at the point of this story, I thought that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. Oh how wrong I was.
So one very sleepy morning at 6am there was an almighty noise coming from the front door and shouting saying that it was the police. My stomach dropped as I went to open the door as Jim's mum hadn't been well and had no idea why else there would be police at the door. When I opened the door they asked for my partner and I sent them upstairs, a very lovely police woman sat me down and explained to me what was going on. They had a warrant for his arrest.......
They said that he had been talking to children online, my mind went blank, I felt sick, there were no words only tears and thinking that they had to have the wrong person. They took him off, I called my parents balling my eyes out and we all agreed that it had to be some sort of mistake. Jim came back about 6 hours later minus a phone and many other personal items to analysed by police. He told me that he had no idea what they were on about and reassured me that it would pass.
Well 2 years went by (as that is the speed of the police here) and it is going to court. My dumb ass at this point should have known that something was up at this point but Jim kept telling me that everything was fine and I believed him. A lot of it happened behind closed court doors and he didn't tell me much after each appearance but I also didn't ask.
Jim then thought that for the last appearance it would be a great idea for me to go with him for support etc and I agreed. Now lets make this clear here I was having severe problems with my mental health at this point and I don't know why I said I would go to be honest. I went, sat there, had to listen to everything that he hadn't told me about and was even more shocked. Turned out he had 4 charges against him including 3 pictures of underage children and 1 charge of "talking" with a minor. They read out all of the conversation that was had and I couldn't believe it. A police officer had pretended to be a 13 year old girl and he was still chatting away and sending pics even after she said she was 13. He even downloaded snap chat to talk to her and kept going back to the conversations himself rather than her starting all the time. The judge said that he had no remorse as he had stated that it wan't that bad as it wasn't a real 13 year old he had been talking to............ He got a 2 year suspended sentence as it was his first offence and his mother wasn't well, 100 hours of community service and has to be on lists for at least 10 years.
I got home after my brain had nearly fallen out and we "talked", he said he doesn't really remember doing it! He was stressed because of covid (bollocks) which I had told him to seek professional help for as I knew he wouldn't talk to me. I said I had a niece and a nephew on the way and he said nothing, he would have to ask for consent to be around children and I was not giving that consent. I asked why he thought it was a good idea that I went to court with him, Jim's reply was I didn't think it was a bad idea until I found out who the judge was.
There were so many things that he didn't tell me like how many charges, what had actually happened and I felt like I had been betrayed in the worst way possible. After long and very hard thoughts (and crying) I decided that I couldn't stay with someone like that and I ended it about a year ago now. I finally feel like I can spread my wings and have actually started doing stuff for myself again.
Sorry this wasn't an AITA but I thought you would enjoy the tea

My aunt passed away in California and my parents cannot find her will. She’s talked about her will for years, even told me and other nieces and nephews what we are getting in her will, but it hasn’t been found.
My parents are worried that the 3 living siblings of my aunt (next of kin) will get everything. My aunt had no relationship with her sister or one of her brothers. My parents were her best friends and are there taking care of her affairs and cleaning out her apartment without any help right now.
None of her friends know who her attorney was for the will. They’ve went to the courthouse to see if one was filed and there’s nothing.
What can they do? They are so upset over the thought of her wishes not being followed.

Long time lurker, first time poster here!
I’ve decided to reach out for advice here as I’m in between therapy appointments and don’t have anyone outside my family who has familiarity with this situation.
For context, I (27m) have lived with my amazing fiancé (27m) outside of my family’s house for about 2 years now.
I grew up with an alcoholic/addict father, who was in and out of recovery for most of my life. He’s doing OK now, however, my mother has become the alcoholic. Growing up, my mother was constantly trying to manage my father’s addiction, and has become very insecure and controlling. Over the past 5 years, my mother has began drinking heavily, which leads her to lash out at everyone in the family household. She has hit me, screamed at me, treated me horribly to the point where police have been called. Our relationship has only survived due to me moving out (an uphill battle in itself) and myself being diagnosed with CPTSD and finding a great therapist. Currently working on boundaries.
They all live together - my mother, father, grandmother, and my brother with his wife and 2 children. My brother hates my mom, and has told me so on many occasions - he says the only reason he lives there is because they are wrapped up in the mortgage. My mother has amassed debt due to online gambling, which is stressing them out. I’ve been doing my best to stop placing peacemaker and focus on my own life.
However, I often have to return for family events like weddings and birthdays (despite my mom wanting me to be there every weekend). I love seeing my grandmother and my niece and nephew, who I love as if they were my own kids, however I feel very sad when I go. My mother will get the children to grab her beers while she gambles, my cousins will say inappropriate things and “trick” the kids because they think it’s funny, and everyone is depressed because of my mother’s negative influence. Honestly, I’m the only one who is going to therapy and lives away from the house.
The problem is, I’m finding when I’m not even there, I worry immensely about my other family members - especially my niece and nephew who are still under 10 years old. I worry about what’s being said around them, if they’re seeing anything traumatizing, if my mom is making people anxious and sad. I trust their parents to a degree, but I’ve often seen them just let the kids wander around the house four hours with no supervision. Sometimes it feels like I wish I could just be their parent to make sure they have a happy and healthy environment.
Has anyone else felt this way when not living at home, and if so, what helped you move past it? I keep telling myself I’m not their parent, and sometimes I feel like maybe I’m trying to protect them in a way I never felt protected as a kid.
TL;DR: Living away from the family but still feeling the need to make sure everything is under control and the kids are looked after. Any advice?

Hey All, quick rant
I work as an HR rep at a company privately owned by a very wealthy old-money family. I was hired upwards from within the company where I worked for a while in a smaller role, and went to school and got myself qualified for a real HR job. I started literally at the bottom of the ladder doing hands-on manufacturing and made my way up. Everyone else in my HR department is either a niece/nephew or family friend of the ownership, and they all went to Ivy-league schools, which they tout bags and hats and mugs from every day. I think I was only hired for my current role because someone else quit with no notice and they were in a pinch, and they thought that the fact that I'd done the hard jobs myself and had existing relationships with the employees on the manufacturing floor would lend some legitimacy to the department, which has historically been considered out of touch and "white-glove". Recently I interviewed an applicant for a machine operation job, and she was clearly drunk. I went through the motions and conducted the interview professionally, waited a few days, and sent her a standard email letting her know that she had not been selected for the position. This is the same email I always use, and the template was actually given to me by a peer in my department. She was upset and somehow got one of my superiors' emails and told them that I was discriminating against her for being a single mom. Ownership is very cautious with the company's image and was very upset, they made the situation a much bigger deal than it needed to be and stressed about it for days. The thing that really bothered me though, is that I was entering an office to drop off some paperwork and overheard one of the owners say to a member of upper management, "That's why you don't let guys like HIM handle sensitive things like interviews. Whether he went to school or not, HE's not going to get it like WE get it." And like...Jesus, I don't think I've ever heard someone rich say the quiet part out loud like that before. When I started with the company, I had gauges and face piercings, I always wore short sleeves that exposed my tattoos, my hair was always dyed an unnatural color. You wouldn't even recognize me today. My career is so important to me I completely changed how I present myself. No piercings, long sleeves every day, well-ironed button up with suit pants and dress shoes that I really couldn't afford when I bought them, hair cut neatly and back to it's natural brown. Painstakingly put myself through school at night while I worked full time. But at the end of the day, anything that ever goes wrong, they'll all rally together and throw me under the bus, because I'm not one of 'them'. I'm not quick to anger of sadness but after all my hard work, all the staying late Fridays and fielding calls on the weekend, all the times I've even been out drinking with these guys and thought we were friends, it was a real punch in the gut to hear them so casually refer to me as being fundamentally different from them somehow because of my poor background. There really are two different worlds in their minds, and they don't see us as people the way they see themselves as people.

My aunt passed away in California and my parents cannot find her will. She’s talked about her will for years, even told me and other nieces and nephews what we are getting in her will, but it hasn’t been found.
My parents are worried that the 3 living siblings of my aunt (next of kin) will get everything. My aunt had no relationship with her sister or one of her brothers. My parents were her best friends and are there taking care of her affairs and cleaning out her apartment without any help right now.
None of her friends know who her attorney was for the will. They’ve went to the courthouse to see if one was filed and there’s nothing.
What can they do? They are so upset over the thought of her wishes not being followed.

Warning: mention of pregnancy loss and death of family members by gun violence
I, 31 female, have been together with my husband, 37 male, for 10 years and married for almost 9. We have two beautiful children, a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter and he has two other children with two other women that he doesn’t get to see and pays child support for. Before my son we had 12 losses, one of which I hemorrhaged from and then I ending up almost hemorrhaging to death after our son was born. We also had one more miscarriage after our daughter was born and I’ve since decided to not try for anymore even though this breaks my heart a little because I always wanted a bigger family.
I recently lost my mother and 10 year old niece in August after they were unalived by a family friend who also unalived himself. Less than two months later, my sister tragically passed in a car accident. To say that broke me is truly an understatement. For months all I could do was cry everyday and feel excruciating pain. My mom and sister were extremely close. We messaged and called every day, multiple times a day even though we all live within a 10 mile radius. They were there for me through everything life had to spit at us. We already have lost every female on my dad’s side of the family. My sister and I were all that was left besides our own daughters. The future feels daunting knowing that there may very well be decades with them not here with me.
It’s been many months now and I feel like I am finally starting to feel happiness and I’m just doing my best to spend as much time with my kids and remaining niece and nephew. My oldest niece is my partner in crime especially now that we are in the no mom and no sister club. She’s only in her early teens and she had also been shot but thankfully survived.
On to the issue. My husband has honestly never really put in any effort for birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, etc. Usually my birthday I don’t give a crap for but it’s only because in the past I’ve been disappointed because no one ever did anything for it. And I’m talking about just like a card and cake. Nothing serious. I really have dirt floor standards to be frank because I just have learned throughout life not to expect anything. That said I am the person who no matter what kind of financial situation I am in will find a way to show love and appreciation no matter the budget. I’ll make you hand made cards, I’ll personally call you on your birthday or special holidays, and I’ll make cake or cupcakes from scratch. If I have a budget I’ll plan dinner and some time to spend out. I just love making people feel happy and special. I was just raised that way.
So of course I find and marry the one person who honestly could kind of care less. I don’t think he has ever gotten or done anything for my birthday, not for Christmas. I remember he got me something for Mothers Day a few years ago…AFTER I had said something. My mom and sister on the other hand always made sure I got a card and we all had a Mothers Day dinner where we would cook and just enjoy time with our kids and ourselves.
This is my first Mothers Day without them and tomorrow and my sisters birthday without her. I had already verbally mentioned how hard it was going to be and my husband fully knew that it was going to be a hard day for me. My friends even sent him ideas for me, like just cleaning up the house and waking up to make breakfast for me. Things he’s honestly never done ever, but hey those are free things anyone could do to make someone feel special. All he said to my best friend was “lol I don’t have any money.” She got pissed. She ended up buying me flowers, a wind chime, some NA beer (I’m sober), and spent extra time with me because she knew I needed my support people on Mother’s Day. My dad also came out in support and got me more NA beer, bought me lunch, and we picked up my oldest niece and I got to spend a ton of time with her. My husband? Slept in until 10:30am. Didn’t do anything all day. I was up at 6 am with the kids and made breakfast after I realized he was still sleeping because ya know, kids can’t starve and I’m not going to wait 4 hours to have breakfast myself.
The thing is, this is just the tip of the iceberg. He can’t stay employed and oftentimes will switch jobs to avoid paying child support. Sure he’s present for the kids now, but when the going gets tough he pretty much stops putting in effort. I bet if I lived even 20 minutes away from him he wouldn’t see the kids often. He has never ever done much around the house despite me working MULTIPLE jobs at times (at one point I was working 3 and going to school). I work full time for a Fortune 500 company and he can’t even schedule a damn doctors appointment for himself. Any time I try to bring things up he’s dismissive or just denies things. And now he’s also getting more angry and aggressive because child support is being taken out again and he ended up swatting our son so hard our son doubled over…in front of my whole family! This along with Mothers Day has got me just thinking I need to divorce him. He can’t hit our kids like that period. All our son did was throw a damn smore at him! And I have multiple witnesses including my niece, grandfather, brother and SIL. I want to protect our kids. I feel like after that happened if I stay with him I am essentially condoning his behavior. I absolutely confronted him about it and he says he feels bad and should never have done it but he felt justified in that moment. I can’t trust someone like that. And it’s not the first time he’s swatted at our son but this was certainly the worst. So I am ready to leave just for that but then our son would have to be with him unsupervised.
If I am overreacting I want to know. He says I am and constantly says I am. I just need some clarity and maybe just support because if I do this, this is something that once the ball is rolling you can’t really stop it. I’m just afraid…but I think I’m more afraid of what will happen if I stay.

Caution: Long Post
The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is without doubt and still is to this day one of the most influential, powerful, and iconic figures in American history due to his steadfast and nonviolent commitment in the fight for Civil Rights, Equality, and Justice during Jim Crow Segregation in the United States. The highlight of his career as an activist came in 1963 in which he delivered his famous "I Have a Dream" speech in front of Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. in which he envisioned a nation in which his children will be judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. This resulted in the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to be passed. Even after his assassination in 1968, his legacy inspired many similar Civil Rights Movements around the world.
Today, Martin Luther King, Jr. is hailed by both sides of the American Political Sphere as a Beacon of Hope on how to fight for Justice and Equality for all during turbulent times. But it's the Conservatives who constantly claim that they truly support him and follow his dream, especially in modern times and they've expressed it in a rather whitewashed and partisan fashion. The most obvious being their use of his "I Have a Dream" speech by quoting the one line that has often been cherry-picked and misinterpreted quite a lot in which they judge people not by skin but by their character. The main reason they do this is to give them the appearance that they are colorblind as their way of opposing racism. And in doing so, they consistently criticize Liberals of trying to divide the country into special interest groups and promote favoritism. As a result, they always claim that Dr. King is a Republican, let alone would've been one in this era given his views, along with the fact that he was a Christian. His niece, Alveda King even emphasized it herself.
Some of the ways that Conservatives try to supposedly live up to Dr. King's "Colorblind" Dream is by opposing supposed "Wokeness", Critical Race Theory, and the practice of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion everywhere. They also express it by opposing Affirmative Action and the use of Racial Quotas when it comes to applying for schools, universities, and jobs because they believe it causes Reverse Discrimination. In terms of nonviolence, Conservatives express their disapproval of the Black Lives Matter movement. On the basis of Christianity, Conservatives believe that Dr. King supported a fixed moral code as indicated in his Letters from Birmingham Jail since he led with love and not racial hatred by changing the lives of people and not the laws itself, along with the notion of self-sufficiency. Seeing all this, it seems like Conservatives are really desperate to prove how much America has progressed in this post-racial world in order to debunk accusations that it isn't a racist country and that's why they always prop up Dr. King by claiming that they follow his dream and will continue to do so. Well.....up until now.
During this year's Martin Luther King Day, a string of prominent Conservative activists and organizations suddenly turned on him. Starting off with Charlie Kirk of the Youth Conservative Movement Turning Point USA, who launched a blistering anti-MLK campaign in which he supposedly dispelled the alleged myths surrounding his popularity. He accused Dr. King of being a "Bad Person" and that his "Sainthood will cause Black voters to realize it's being used against them to suppress the individual." He even went further by stating that "we made a huge mistake when we passed the Civil Rights Act in the 1960s" accusing it as "a way to get rid of the First Amendment". A while ago, the organization marketed the Conservative image of Dr. King when they sold $55 T-Shirts with his name as well as stickers of him with the words "Let Freedom Ring". Kirk was later joined by the Daily Wire's Matt Walsh who accused him of being a "communist". In fact, he railed against Dr. King a few years ago by accusing him of being a Womanizer, Adulterer, Plagiarizer, etc. Coming after Walsh was Human Events editor, conspiracy theorist, and fellow Turning Point USA alumna Jack Posobiec, who labeled Dr. King "a God of the Left" and stating that "the real legacy of the 1960s was enshrining Racial Discrimination and Race Consciousness into the Federal Bureaucracy." And finally, a popular Conservative Twitter account called "EndWokeness" called Dr. King "a Racial Marxist" because he "did not support a Colorblind Meritocracy" after it cited his quote on Wealth Distribution. What's even worse is that even non-White Conservatives hate him. Two examples include a commentator named Vince Everett Ellison and former football player and sports columnist, Jason Whitlock. The latest editions to the lineup of Black Guilt Conservatives, they railed against Dr. King and the passing of the Civil Rights by stating that they worsened the Black community by drifting them away from God into "Democratic Dependency". They even accused him of the same crimes as Walsh did.
With the sudden change in tone and emphasis from the Right against Dr. King, you have to ask yourself why they're doing this and what caused them to believe this way. And this is not an extremist fringe of the Right that some would expect to hear from. All of these are Mainstream Right-Wing Figures who have direct lineage to the GOP, including the current presidential nominee, Donald Trump. That's as Establishment you can get. Their remarks have been criticized by a lot of people from both sides and surprisingly by some Black Conservatives. One of them was Pastor Darrell Scott, a former faith advisor of Trump, who these days, is one of a few Black Conservatives who has been calling out other Black Conservatives for tearing down their own race in order to elevate their status among others, a very notorious habit of them. He criticized Kirk for inspiring a Hitler Youth. Another was Kimberly Klacik, who in 2020, gained viral for her campaign video stating that Black Lives don't matter to Democrats when she was running for Maryland's 7th Congressional District following the death of Civil Rights Leader, Elijah Cummings, who was the incumbent. She criticized Kirk for his remarks stating that his rhetoric will prevent Blacks from voting Republican. Even with that said, there have been instances in which Conservatives themselves have questioned the Civil Rights Act and many of them have been pretty negative. If you check out other Conservative websites and especially here on Reddit, many of their criticisms echo the same sentiments as those Pundits stating that it was unconstitutional and that in infringed on the First Amendment, particularly the Notion of Freedom of Association.
That being said, there is some silver lining to this. Now, that they exposed themselves for what they really of think Dr. King, I think it's time for them to admit that they never really liked him in the first place, let alone understood who he really was and what he really stood for. In fact, they never really liked him at all. All they did was whitewash him and cherry-pick his ideas and speech for own Partisan Agenda. Dr. King constantly talked about the notion of Black Pride and campaigned about the need for Reparations. He also supported Affirmative Action stating in 1965 that "a Society that has done something special against the Negro for hundreds of years must now do something special for the Negro. Dr. King realized that our society was created in a way that managed to disadvantage the many for the benefit the few, and that America's Racial Hierarchy was connected to its Class Hierarchy. He also had political beliefs that manifested through both Racial Reconciliation and Concrete Policy Changes that could help restructure and benefit a divided and unequal nation. This is the reason why he referred to himself as a Democratic Socialist as he wanted a "Radical Redistribution of Economic and Political Power". In fact, he argued that true Equality can only be achieved, not just through legal rights, but through an equal distribution of resources. This is evident when he said “Call it democracy, or call it democratic socialism, but there must be a better distribution of wealth within this country for all God’s children.” This is the exact vision that Vermont Independent Senator Bernie Sanders believed in. After all, he did participate in the March on Washington in 1963. In regards to Police Brutality, while Dr. King opposed violent protest, he did acknowledge that a Riot is the language of the Unheard and that it came from a place of Desperation. In fact, in his "I Have a Dream" Speech, he stated that Blacks could "never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the Victim of the Unspeakable Horrors of Police Brutality." After all, he was hounded by the FBI, was called a Communist, broke the law in protest of race-based Segregation and Violence, was thrown in jail, advocated Protests and Sit-Ins, opposed White Rule of Society, and was assassinated for his Race and his views on Race. Regarding the quote about the Content of Character from said speech, Dr. King's daughter, Bernice King stated that using solely that quote diminishes the purpose of the entire speech because her father's dream and work included "eradicating Racism, not ignoring it."
If anything, this goes to show that is Dr. King were around today, he would be heavily criticized for being Woke, politically correct, a Communist, a Race Hustler, and a member of the Radical Left. And we all know that the Right hates those ideologies passionately. But here's the thing, he never considered himself a Democrat, let alone a Republican. He was an Independent as he felt that both parties are the same. And reducing his legacy to a single quote diminishes the gains that he fought for and believed in. This especially goes to a lot of Conservatives out there who claim to follow his lead using that quote because they interpret them in a way that benefits them today than how he meant them back then. For you to claim that he didn't care about Skin Color is like saying Susan B. Anthony didn't care about Gender. And to those Conservatives who now hate him, including Black, I hope you're OK with people getting treated unfairly, including your own. Who knew being seen as an Equal is a Negative in your eyes.

Heading to Paris mid July for 4 days before the Olympics with my extended family age range from 8 to 78 years old-10 of us. We are staying in the 9th Arrondissement at a nice hotel. For one, I’m concerned about getting around with my limited mobility father in law (he won’t be able to walk the 25,000 steps/day everyone says they take) and also need recommendations for dining with that many people. Also, do kids use ipads/tablets at restaurants? My kids are good without them but my niece and nephew don’t got out to dinner these days without electronics 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Any tips or suggestions would be helpful so I’m a little more prepared before we go and enjoy this shitshow of a family vacation! 🤪

The fat blimp never really talks about friends (ones that aren’t other content creators - even then it’s scarce) and does anyone know if anyone from her life that knows her or used to know her talks about her anywhere? Like it’s clear the unemployed 30 something year old who munches on Big Macs and McFlurrys all day long doesn’t do much else other than go to the supermarket, drive thru and dance recitals. Does the slob have actual friends that aren’t her nieces or nephews? My idea to help her would be imagine there’s an author of a self help book somewhere, maybe they could try collab with the fat ogre and maybe she could help herself!

I didn't think I would be making an update so soon, but my mother is unrelenting.
To the people that were so kind and gave me advice earlier, thank you so much. It really helps to have people show kindness in difficult days. I follow with the advice to freeze my credit and I will be getting a new phone for personal use. Will have to keep my old phone for work for a little.
Now to update on the situation: We are going through with pressing charges and might do a civil lawsuit for two years of child support my mother owns. We are not sure yet of our chances on it, but my brother San wants to go scorch earth.
As for my mother, she began a new campaign. She's been posting about me false accussing my step-brother Chris of SA. She's been accussing me of being a 'temptress that tried for years to sleep with my brother' and even got a few relatives, who I just found out are my aunts, to join in saying they were witnesses. I never met these women in my life.
My step-father actually commented in her post saying my mom was lying and accussing his own son of being a p*do. That's how I found out what was the big fallout between them. Step-brother went after one of Step-father's nieces. I don't know the girl's age, but she has to be about my age if I'm thinking of the right person. If not, she's younger than me.
A lot of my biological father's relatives have also gone into social media to call out my mother, saying she had always claimed she was an orphan and had no family, while now she has three sisters.
It's a mess, I'm just watching for now and being a stay-at-home aunt. My nephews love it since we go out after they finish homework for crazy shenanigans. My boss has helped me with some paperwork for leave of absence and I should be off for about 6 weeks. After I'll be mostly working from home for a few weeks.
Not the greatest update, and to be sincere things are not fun. But its nice to spend time with the kiddos at least.
Also, forgot this: No, my mom is not likely sleeping or in a relationship with my stepbrother. Some people had mention this. My mom always wanted a son. I was a disappointment because I was born a girl. She treats my brother like he's her real son and I think she truly loves him as a mother. She made sure to tell me how disappointing it was for her when I was born.

Hi all,
Lots of you have sent me cards at the end of 2023 and into 2024 (how are we almost in June?!!). I'm way behind on humaning so I have lots of thanks to share, in no particular order:

• u/melhen16 x 3 - you sent me something around Christmas time. I love your use of vintage stamps. Be on the lookout for some reply mail in the post. The second card in my stash of outstanding thank yous is filled with wonderful factoids about Olympic National Park, none of which I knew previously. Ok, this is really pathetic how far behind I am. Card 3 from you discusses post-retirement endeavors. What did you end up doing?
• u/pink_drop - thanks for your pre-Thanksgiving card talking about shelter doggos. I appreciate the goodies you included and will be using them to create more outbound mail.
• u/slavkan12 - you sent me a wonderful postcard around Halloween asking about my plans. Truth is, Halloween isn't a big deal for me. I tend to avoid costume parties and now that I'm an adult I really don't need tons of candy. It is fun seeing the neighborhood kiddos while they're out Trick or Treating.
• u/lyubitza13 - did you get in to the master's program in Poland you applied to? You asked for a book recommendation an today's suggestion is A Long Petal of the Sea by Isabel Allende
• mystery sender - you sent me something in September 2023, including a treat from your niece's pirate-themed birthday party. I hope your home school adventures have been great this year.
• mystery sender - I loved your quote "art becomes art when it is shared." and the photo postcard you used to illustrate that point is just wonderful.
• u/rand_ston - thank you for your great description of what happiness means to you. Re-reading them now is a good reminder to frame things differently.
• u/pozzledC - Thank you for sharing your wonderful stories of Girl Guide experiences. How do you find it being a leader now? The wonderful art you made on the face of the card is breathtaking. It's a great reminder that beauty exists.
• u/mcdeekey - your summer in the Black Forest must have been amazing. We haven't had a proper holiday in a long time but a couple of weeks ago my husband and I met up with some friends and had a wonderful evening of dinner and a live concert.
• u/mynameiscandycain - I'm sorry you ended up with the Florida hurricane last August. We're gearing up for another active hurricane season this year. I like the storms but don't like the damage they can leave behind.
• u/awachob - your adorable spider web thank you is so cute that I don't even mind the image of spiders it conjures. I'm so glad you enjoyed the Star Trek card.
• u/tigerlady13 - you sent me a wonderful New Year Card and baking recipe that I haven't yet tried but is in my list of new things to test out this year. It's been a rough several months mentally but I think I'm finally starting to come out of the fog. Thanks for thinking of me!

Introduction

1. Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs?

It will be our first dog as an adult, growing up I had a small cattle dog cross.
2) Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a reputable breeder?
We are open to rescue but would most likely end up going with a reputable breeder to get the specific breed that we're after.
3) Describe your ideal dog.
This may not exist but it feels like we're after the goldilocks zone of dogs. We'd like to have a small affectionate dog for our family and daughter (10) to have as a companion. Although we want it to be affectionate, we don't want it to have separation anxiety or be comfortable chilling out around the house without being held. We want it to be on the lower energy side, we're happy to take it for a walk almost every day, but if we miss one it won't go stir crazy. We'd prefer something on the quieter side. We don't mind the occasional bark at the door, but endless barking would get irritating. We want it to be okay around other dogs, even though we don't have any ourselves. Leaning towards the smaller / medium sizes.
4) What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?
Two leading contenders were cavalier king charles and a beagle. Both suit the profile of small to medium size, affectionate and good family dogs. Having some second thoughts about the beagle due to noise concerns. Cavalier king charles sounds good, however we're concerned it might be a little _too_ needy.
5) What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do?
Basic commands / manners. Not jumping on people, sit, stay, come, quiet, drop.
6) Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally) or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport?
No, it will purely be for family company.
Care Commitments
7) How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day?
Our daughter will devote a significant period of time cuddling / playing. We will dedicate short training periods (10-20 minutes) combined with an evening walk.
8) How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park?
We'd be doing an evening walk of around 4-5 km, and have the option of using a dog park if we feel it's a good environment for the dog (i.e. handles interactions well with other dogs)
9) How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?
We'd be happy to do basic grooming at home, and pay for a professional when required.
Personal Preferences
10) What size dog are you looking for?
Small to medium.
11) How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle?
Shedding - We prefer lower (who doesn't) but it's not a deal breaker. Perhaps not to the extremes (i.e. a husky). Barking - Prefer very little. Slobber - okay with a little.
12) How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area?
We'd like to have the confidence of being able to let our dog off-leash and have them return on command, but we don't have any _necessity_ for it.
Dog Personality and Behavior
13) Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space?
Snugly dog that doesn't get distressed on it's own for a while. Both parents work from home so they will almost always "be around", but not necessarily in contact / actively playing at all times.
14) Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please?
Eager to please would be nice.
15) How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors?
We'd prefer them just to greet strangers / be excited. A small about of barking is fine as long as they quiet down after a while.
16) Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs?
No, we'd prefer not to have aggression towards other dogs.
17) Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid?
Outside of the typical they must be good with kids, etc.
Lifestyle
18) How often and how long will the dog be left alone?
The dog will rarely be left alone. Two work from home parents. We're not adverse to taking the dog out with us if it's to an appropriate location.
19) What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog?
Similar to what has been described here. The parents will be responsible for exercise / taking them out of an evening, the daughter will be responsible for cuddles.
20) Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they?
No other pets.
21) Will the dog be interacting with children regularly?
Our 10 year old daughter, occasionally some nephews or nieces that are slightly younger.
22) Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease?
We own our own home.
23) What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds?
Australia, no bans on anything relevant to what we're looking for.
24) What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live?
Average temp is ~22c in Summer and ~14c in Winter. It can get up to extremes of 40c in Australia, but rarely and the dog would be inside.
Additional Information and Questions
25) Please provide any additional information you feel may be relevant.
It's hard to convey in answers here, but a lot of these things are "feelings" rather than set in stone. I know every breed will have a range of behavior. No dog is guaranteed to tick all the boxes, but that's okay we're just looking to capture the majority of what we're after.
26) Feel free to ask any questions below.

Caution: Long Post
The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is without doubt and still is to this day one of the most influential, powerful, and iconic figures in American history due to his steadfast and nonviolent commitment in the fight for Civil Rights, Equality, and Justice during Jim Crow Segregation in the United States. The highlight of his career as an activist came in 1963 in which he delivered his famous "I Have a Dream" speech in front of Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. in which he envisioned a nation in which his children will be judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. This resulted in the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to be passed. Even after his assassination in 1968, his legacy inspired many similar Civil Rights Movements around the world.
Today, Martin Luther King, Jr. is hailed by both sides of the American political sphere as a beacon of hope on how to fight for justice and equality for all during turbulent times. But it's the Conservatives who constantly claim that they truly support him and follow his dream, especially in modern times and they've expressed it in a rather whitewashed and partisan fashion. The most obvious being their use of his "I Have a Dream" speech by quoting the one line that has often been cherry-picked and misinterpreted quite a lot in which they judge people not by skin but by their character. The main reason they do this is to give them the appearance that they are colorblind as their way of opposing racism. And in doing so, they consistently criticize Liberals of trying to divide the country into special interest groups and promote favoritism. As a result, they always claim that Dr. King is a Republican, let alone would've been one in this era given his views, along with the fact that he was a Christian. His niece, Alveda King even emphasized it herself.
Some of the ways that Conservatives try to supposedly live up to Dr. King's "Colorblind" Dream is by opposing supposed "Wokeness", Critical Race Theory, and the practice of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion everywhere. They also express it by opposing Affirmative Action and the use of Racial Quotas when it comes to applying for schools, universities, and jobs because they believe it causes Reverse Discrimination. In terms of nonviolence, Conservatives express their disapproval of the Black Lives Matter movement. On the basis of Christianity, Conservatives believe that Dr. King supported a Fixed Moral Code as indicated in his Letters from Birmingham Jail since he led with love and not racial hatred by changing the lives of people and not the laws itself, along with the notion of self-sufficiency. Seeing all this, it seems like Conservatives are really desperate to prove how much America has progressed in this post-racial world in order to debunk accusations that it isn't a racist country and that's why they always prop up Dr. King by claiming that they follow his dream and will continue to do so. Well.....up until now.
During this year's Martin Luther King Day, a string of prominent Conservative activists and organizations suddenly turned on him. Starting off with Charlie Kirk of the Youth Conservative Movement Turning Point USA, who launched a blistering anti-MLK campaign in which he supposedly dispelled the alleged myths surrounding his popularity. He accused Dr. King of being a "Bad Person" and that his "Sainthood will cause Black voters to realize it's being used against them to suppress the individual." He even went further by stating that "we made a huge mistake when we passed the Civil Rights Act in the 1960s" accusing it as "a way to get rid of the First Amendment". A while ago, the organization marketed the Conservative image of Dr. King when they sold $55 T-Shirts with his name as well as stickers of him with the words "Let Freedom Ring". Kirk was later joined by the Daily Wire's Matt Walsh who accused him of being a "communist". In fact, he railed against Dr. King a few years ago by accusing him of being a Womanizer, Adulterer, Plagiarizer, etc. Coming after Walsh was Human Events Editor, Conspiracy Theorist, and fellow Turning Point USA Alumna Jack Posobiec, who labeled Dr. King "a God of the Left" and stating that "the real legacy of the 1960s was enshrining Racial Discrimination and Race Consciousness into the Federal Bureaucracy." And finally, a popular Conservative Twitter account called "EndWokeness" called Dr. King "a Racial Marxist" because he "did not support a Colorblind Meritocracy" after it cited his quote on Wealth Distribution. What's even worse is that even non-White Conservatives hate him. Two examples include a commentator named Vince Everett Ellison and former football player and sports columnist, Jason Whitlock. The latest editions to the lineup of Black Guilt Conservatives, they railed against Dr. King and the passing of the Civil Rights by stating that they worsened the Black community by drifting them away from God into "Democratic Dependency". They even accused him of the same crimes as Walsh did.
With the sudden change in tone and emphasis from the Right against Dr. King, you have to ask yourself why they're doing this and what caused them to believe this way. And this is not an extremist fringe of the Right that some would expect to hear from. All of these are Mainstream Right-Wing Figures who have direct lineage to the GOP, including the current presidential nominee, Donald Trump. That's as Establishment you can get. Their remarks have been criticized by a lot of people from both sides and surprisingly by some Black Conservatives. One of them was Pastor Darrell Scott, a former faith advisor of Trump, who these days, is one of a few Black Conservatives who has been calling out other Black Conservatives for tearing down their own race in order to elevate their status among others, a very notorious habit of them. He criticized Kirk for inspiring a Hitler Youth. Another was Kimberly Klacik, who in 2020, gained viral for her campaign video stating that Black Lives don't matter to Democrats when she was running for Maryland's 7th Congressional District following the death of Civil Rights Leader, Elijah Cummings, who was the Incumbent. She criticized Kirk for his remarks stating that his rhetoric will prevent Blacks from voting Republican. Even with that said, there have been instances in which Conservatives themselves have questioned the Civil Rights Act and many of them have been pretty negative. If you check out other Conservative websites and especially here on Reddit, many of their criticisms echo the same sentiments as those Pundits stating that it was unconstitutional and that in infringed on the First Amendment, particularly the Notion of Freedom of Association.
That being said, there is some silver lining to this. Now, that they exposed themselves for what they really of think Dr. King, I think it's time for them to admit that they never really liked him in the first place, let alone understood who he really was and what he really stood for. In fact, they never really liked him at all. All they did was whitewash him and cherry-pick his ideas and speech for own Partisan Agenda. Dr. King constantly talked about the notion of Black Pride and campaigned about the need for Reparations. He also supported Affirmative Action stating in 1965 that "a Society that has done something special against the Negro for hundreds of years must now do something special for the Negro. Dr. King realized that our society was created in a way that managed to disadvantage the many for the benefit the few, and that America's Racial Hierarchy was connected to its Class Hierarchy. He also had political beliefs that manifested through both Racial Reconciliation and Concrete Policy Changes that could help restructure and benefit a divided and unequal nation. This is the reason why he referred to himself as a Democratic Socialist as he wanted a "Radical Redistribution of Economic and Political Power". In fact, he argued that true Equality can only be achieved, not just through legal rights, but through an equal distribution of resources. This is evident when he said “Call it Democracy, or call it Democratic Socialism, but there must be a better Distribution of Wealth within this Country for all God’s Children.” This is the exact vision that Vermont Independent Senator Bernie Sanders believed in. After all, he did participate in the March on Washington in 1963. In regards to Police Brutality, while Dr. King opposed violent protest, he did acknowledge that a riot is the language of the Unheard and that it came from a place of Desperation. In fact, in his "I Have a Dream" Speech, he stated that Blacks could "never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the Victim of the Unspeakable Horrors of Police Brutality." After all, he was hounded by the FBI, was called a Communist, broke the law in protest of race-based Segregation and Violence, was thrown in jail, advocated Protests and Sit-Ins, opposed White Rule of Society, and was assassinated for his Race and his views on Race. Regarding the quote about the Content of Character from said speech, Dr. King's daughter, Bernice King stated that using solely that quote diminishes the purpose of the entire speech because her father's dream and work included "eradicating Racism, not ignoring it."
If anything, this goes to show that is Dr. King were around today, he would be heavily criticized for being Woke, politically correct, a Communist, a Race Hustler, and a Member of the Radical Left. And we all know that the Right hates those ideologies passionately. But here's the thing, he never considered himself a Democrat, let alone a Republican. He was an Independent as he felt that both parties are the same. And reducing his legacy to a single quote diminishes the gains that he fought for and believed in. This especially goes to a lot of Conservatives out there who claim to follow his lead using that quote because they interpret them in a way that benefits them today than how he meant them back then. For you to claim that he didn't care about Skin Color is like saying Susan B. Anthony didn't care about Gender. And to those Conservatives who now hate him, including Black, I hope you're OK with people getting treated unfairly, including your own. Who knew being seen as an Equal is a Negative in your eyes.

In the fall of 2018, I was going to be leaving for a while, so the night before I was due to leave, I visited my cousins and my deaf Aunt one last time for the year. We talked/signed about a lot. From our lives then, to what it may be like when I return and be in their kids’ lives as their Uncle (relationships in Indigenous communities are different than Western systems and my cousins’ kids will be/are my nieces and nephews). As the night grew on and the sun faded beyond the horizon, we felt as if we were being watched. At the time, I smoked cigarettes, so my cousins and I went out to have one even though we had the eerie feeling of eyes following our every move. My Aunt had already gone outside, and little did we know, she had brought a high powered light with her. When we got outside, she was turning night to day in the willows across the street from the house and we didn’t know why until we looked. In the willows stood 4-6 small people. They looked like anyone else in the village, but they wore clothes made of skins rather than newer materials brought in. Their eyes glowed and one barred its teeth. Thinking about this just freaks me out. The Innuligarat stared at us as we stared back. All of us knew we would be safe so we smoked our cigs and then took one last look across the road. My Aunt turned off the spot light and when she did, the little ones began to move. We could not track where they went with our eyes because of how fast they were. Like blurs, they moved in the willows and built up what they could to hide themselves and that is when we turned and all ran inside. The next few hours, the front door was knocked on every 3-4 mins and rocks were thrown at the windows from the willows across the way. I didn’t leave until morning, when the light just barely tipped over the mountains. As I walked out to my fourwheeler, I could feel the eyes of the little ones watching me, but I kept a brave face and got the hell out of dodge. Looking back, had we pointed or shown any signs of being scared or angry, we probably would have been harassed even more, but to this day, I still think of the Innuligarat as just distant relatives.

at the family function for mother’s day everything went as expected. my whole family calling me their daughtesisteniece and using my birth name and she/her including my mom introducing me to her boyfriends parents. i recently started T (took my 3rd shot yesterday) and when doing so i sent out a message to my family gc (my mom and sisters) basically saying ayo i’m start T just so we’re all on the same page i know y’all haven’t been accepting (i’ve been out for 8 years) but it is what it is id rather do this to be happier rather than dead. my mom responded w you can’t use my insurance do your research it’ll do you more harm than good, one of my sisters responded surprisingly very supportive, and my oldest sister didn’t respond at all. so back to the function i went to my partners car to load out fishing stuff back up and my nephew (4) said “where’s he going?” and normally it would be “corrected” but my (oldest) sister responded saying “he’s just going to put stuff away” and when talking about me would say she then stop and correct herself and say he. i was complexly unaware of this till after the fact bc i was out of ear shot. this is all just crazy to me and even though it was something little because it took me 3 years to start T because i thought i would be completely cut off because that’s what all signs were pointing to. i’m kind of excited to see where this we will go because i want to be in my nieces and nephews lives and be their uncle and continue to watch them grow. maybe once im further along in my medical transitions they will start seeing me as their uncle and my sisters will give them a typa run down. i just felt like this was something i needed to share bc for being so little it’s a big step

I didn't want to post here but I didn't really have a choice so i am just gonna cut to the chase. My older sister is dating my nephew. It sounds weird but please read. They both are under 18 so I wont use real names. First, I will start with explanations about my family. My other older sister I will call her Hope) who is 30 at the time of this post is married to my brother-in law. My brother in-law's brother and his wife was caught doing "Illegal things" (Sorry Its still an ongoing case atm). So brother in-law's other brother and his wife decided to take their kids in but they were still living with Hope and my brother in-law and one of those kids were my nephew who I will name Lee was one of those kids.
(By the way, when me, Pou, and my other older sister who is a year older than me were in foster care. When we were, my brother in-law and Hope took us in and this was when I was five or six. Hope, my other sis whom I'll call Alin and me walked in on Lee and Pou cuddling. That was when Pou was eight or seven and Lee was 9 or 10. )
My sister whom I will call Pou started acting strange when we were folding boats for their grandpa whom recently passed away. Folding boats for our loved ones is part of our tradition. Pou and Lee were acting strange because they were glancing at each other as if they were elementary children.
That's when my suspicions started. Not to be creepy or anything but every movement they made and every small action I was watching as I did with everyone else. To be honest watching and reading people's face wrinkles and actions became a habit when I was 11 and right now I'm 14 so three years of experience was screaming "Somethings happening" So I will list things that stood out and rose my suspicions.
1.Lee's Actions: Lee is a quiet guy just like my brother in-law and they both are talkative to people they know. So during spring break we went to spend time at Hope's house to help with the kids and to hang out. Suddenly Lee came into our room and decided to hang out with us. Usually when we are over Lee stays in the basement. Even Hope said that. I didn't think much of it and thought he had a change of heart.
2.Pou's Voice: Pou is a confident talkative girl and her voice is like Jim Carrey, Drake, and Jennie if they were in one voice box. So that same day where Lee cam into the room to hangout, Pou was acting strange and I noticed Lee being distant from me and Hope. So when Pou would start talking its like she was summoning the snow white out of her soul. So of course that made me realize, "Yea, something is goin on here"
3.Pou's Actions: Usually when it comes to Hope's house Pou wouldn't really be that enthusiastic when going. So when we were about to come back home from Hope's house Pou said."To be honest, I kind don't wanna go home." We had to anyways because we had school the next day. She also would use the bathroom in the basement where Lee sleeps. (The basement is not messy its actually a bar, gym, and bedroom.) Usually Pou would be reluctant to use the bathroom in the basement because that bathroom was cramped and the door couldn't close properly. So when she did I was already convinced she was seeing him.
Lee wanted to wrestle me and Pou or so I thought. My other nephew whom I'll name Leo loves to wrestle me and Pou because I'm a workout freak and Pou for her natural strength. So when Lee wanted to wrestle I was tryna warm up but Lee and Pou were already goin at it. They were gentle and giggling. Its like they were teasing each other.
Next is Confirming My Suspicions
During her visit to the basement she was taking too long so I decided, "Lets see if I'm right." So I tried sneaking down in the basement but my dam flip flops were slapping my feet and the stairs would creak so they hear me coming down. When I opened the door Lee was pretending to be asleep and Pou coincidentally "finished" using the bathroom. A few things stood out

1. Pou was out of breath
2. She was smiling and looking to my left.
3. I looked at her direction, she didnt look like she came around the corner where the bathroom was at. it looked like she just turned around from going to the direction of the bathroom.

I asked her, "Why do you talk in that voice whenever Lee is near?" and she got defensive on me telling me not to get the wrong idea.
Yesterday, we were watching a horror movie named Exhuma and babysitting. Me, Hope, Pou, and Alin were there and we were gonna use the bathroom one by one since we are watching our 1 year old niece. Pou wanted to use the bathroom in the basement since one of our nephews was taking too long. Once he was done, Me, Hope, and Alin had already used the bathroom. We waited and waited on our phones. I was honestly in a good mood since I had predicted the movie's outcome but Pou was killing the suspense of the movie so I told Hope and Alin that I was going to check on her. This time instead of trying to sneak, I decided to run down as it was a habit and when I burst opened the door, Boom, them rushing to get away from each other. Lee was laying on his stomach and face on the pillow, Pou standing up in shock, eyes wide, one hand on her waist and the other covering her mouth. The only thing I thought was, "So I was right." I told her that I had a suspicion and tried to confirm it earlier. Honestly the only real emotion I could get out was a laugh. I didnt really feel anything about it but how funny it was.
How They Feel
Pou told me that she feels that she's truly in love with him and so is he. She told me things how they started falling for each other and by the information it sounds like Lee was the one in love first. It was a romantic story but she told me it was forbidden love. To me it seems more like Illegal love. For the record we come form a strict Asian house hold and culture. In our culture reputation is money, power, status, life. She told me that she loved him because he wasn't a brain-rotted 17 year old guy. Yes Pou is 16 and Lee is 17. Lee was healthy. He worked out just like me and was somewhat productive. She said that Lee was the only one who like her cranky and funny personality. He embraced her body like it was a statue. He didn't just like her, he loved her, and they loved each other. She said that she loved his voice, his protection, and his way of affection. She loved listening to him like he was a melody on the beach. It was addicting and calming to her in my opinion. She cried. She didn't trust me. I understood why.
Just a little information. I was mature for my age. I knew many things, and had many secrets and secrets of others. I used these secrets to get information of other people or use it to my advantage. In public I used an Innocent face, voice and personality. With family, neutral and tried to make others smile. Alone is when I express myself. I use information from others around me to blackmail or just to see their expressions because it was entertaining. I hurt people who hurt me and one of those were Pou.
So I understood why she didn't trust me. If I met me, I wouldn't trust me either. In all the conversations and stories, I felt like I related. I was also wondering what I would do if I lost someone close to me and I did, we all did. She told me that he was the reason she could live, losing him would mean losing herself. She told me to keep it to myself till the day I die. She couldn't trust me to the point she started eating less.
I'm not begging for her trust if anything I didn't want to get involved but curiosity drives me nuts.
I don't know if this is even legal. My strict parents would kick her out and my elders would give her a nickname to gossip about. I'm just a kid relying on internet people I truly don't know. I know its stupid but I cant anyone. My parents would disown her, I would get yelled at and my sis Hope would get shamed on by my brother in-law's elders. I'm supposed be the mediator in these situations but ever outcome I can think of leads to nowhere that everyone is good.
Hope is a good person and she is my main concern. Me and Leo are close and his nephews and nieces love me and I love them too. If I ruin their relationship, it would affect Leo, Hope, Lee, my nieces and nephews and my brother in-law. She's my sister who has never hurt me.
Adults or anyone experienced in things like this could help me, I truly don't know what to do, advice would be nice.

Last week my great uncle(73) passed away in the hospital after he'd been in the nursing home for 22 years. When he was 51 he fell down his stairs and the injury resulted in him needing more care and he's been a resident of a care facility basically for as long as I've known him. My mom was his POA and one of the main people in his life that helped him out, almost as if she was his kid rather than just a niece. My great uncle didn't have a partner or kids of his own, so the entire rest of his family was very important to him.
Yesterday my mom was telling the rest of my family about his funeral arrangements that are in the works for his service next week. My mom said that he wanted to be cremated and didn't want any pallbearers. I'm confused because I thought pallbearers refer to caskets, and urn-bearers would be the term used for the people carrying the urn.
Today my mom texted me asking if I would be interested in being an urn bearer. I said "I would, but I don't want to impose on anyone". She said that both of my siblings and 2 of my other cousins would do it. I replied "I thought he didn't want any pallbearers." (trying to use the words that she used from his will). She just replied "urn bearers". I feel like my mom didn't understand what I was getting at, so I asked "Do you think it would be against his wishes if we did that?" She said "Nope, that probably was way before he started going to church again."
I feel like I'm in a moral dilemma of deciding whose side to be on: the dead's choice or the living's. Earlier today, my mom texted me and my siblings asking if we would want to perform any special music at mis memorial service. I said "I feel like if he didn’t specifically ask for that, I wouldn’t want to." No one responded.
To me it seems like my mom is trying to push for her kids to be a part of her uncle's funeral, almost in a way to prove a point that her and her family were a very important staple in his life. I feel like I'm being put in an uncomfortable position to chose. It feels like I'm being asked in multiple different ways to put my affection on display, and I have no idea if any other of my extended family members have been asked to be apart of his service. My great uncle had 5 other siblings, which resulted in 11 nieces/nephews and then 20+ nieces/nephews.
I don't want to be a part of any funeral arrangement that would go against his wishes. I also don't want to create some drama in the family by not being an urn bearer even when I was asked to. I'm leaning towards not being an urn bearer because it's more of a value to me to follow the wishes of a dead relative than to avoid some confrontation/conflict in my family.
So WIYTA for not being an urn bearer at my great uncle's funeral?

My worldbuilding revolves around a matriarchal (or matrilineally egalitarian) empire with the marriage-free customs: -There is practically no concept of “marriage”, people are allowed to simultaneously have as much affairs as they want and can manage. The intimacy often occurs in the woman’s home, sometimes in the man’s or at somewhere else private enough (e.g a rented hotel room) -Everyone lives under their mother’s family, with their maternal uncle(s) acting as the father figure(s); biological paternity only makes sense in medical/genetic cases; the majority of property is passed down from mother to the oldest daughter while the remaining is divided between the other daughters and sons; meanwhile, men’s legacy is prioritized to be inherited by the youngest brother(s)/sister(s)/nephew(s)/niece(s)
-The only type of marriage is that a woman coming from a family that lacks sons marry a guy from a family that has redundant sons or a male orphan to her family. Once she’s married, she’s not allowed to bring any other partner to her own home (but it’s still fine if she meets her lover(s) outside); while the husband can have sex with her sisters or cousins-in-law. Only the husband having relationships with women from other families is considered as adultery. The husband will lose all responsibilities at his family then act as the father-uncle figure of all children of his wife and sisters-in-law and the worker for their family. In exchange, he can be shared/inherit social status and wealth from the in-laws and still have the right to pass them down to his maternal relatives.
-Although promiscuity is generally acceptable, the moral standard of this society has never been decadent yet. Sex is viewed less negatively, but is still regarded as a private thing between the two partners. Female sexuality is paid more attention to in a more positive way, but virginity is valuable and women tend to be selective when choosing partners, esp. the one for their first time. Besides, the positions of priestess and nuns (even the patheons for the male gods, since people believe women can interpret deities’ messages better than men) are only for the young virgin women. In real life, intimacies are often developed from contacts in daily routine/some special encounters rather than from arranged dates or matchmaking, thus the standards of understandings, integrity, effort, affection, etc. in relationships are usually high, and almost every affair is expected to prolong as long as possible. Pure, faithful love is still a popular theme in arts and literature despite not being glorified in reality.
-Nudity/Wearing revealing clothes is still a controversial taboo in many contexts; in contrast, how decorative and covered a woman’s clothes are often indicates her social status. Gossiping about someone’s sex life and showing jealousy are seen as rudeness; many sexual kinks (e.g group sex, cuckolding, swinging) and attitudes/behaviors towards sex (bragging about “body conquest”, catcalling, slut-shaming, telling sexjokes/swearing using images of sex, etc.) are considered extremely perverted. Pornographic contents and products are censored very strictly by both government and society.
I’m not sure if prostitution has any reason to exist in a society like this, where free sex is theoretically accessible for almost everyone (esp. the most wealthy, good-looking ones). What is your opinion about that, worldbuilders? If you think sex work can exist in a marriage-free society, could you give me some suggestion about how to justify it and visualize how it will look like? Any help will be appreciated.

I have lived in my 3rd floor apartment for 7 years, most of the apartments in my building are 1 yr lease so the neighbors are always changing. My downstairs neighbors moved in about 6 months ago, I’ve never had an issue with any of my neighbors before. The walls here are thin and I can hear my neighbors on the side of me constantly but never say anything because it’s expected noise when living in an apartment building. Recently I had my downstairs neighbors come up and complain we are being too loud. The first time was on Sunday, I was making food for a party and using a vegetable chopper that you have to slam pretty hard and I was throwing avocado pits in the trash, he came up and said I need to stop (English is not his first language so I didn’t think he was trying to be rude). It was 10 am so I didn’t think I was bothering anyone trying to sleep and I didn’t think it was that loud. The second time was Friday night at 830, I had my family over for dinner because my grandma was visiting from out of state. My cousins and niece and nephew were running around and he came up with his gf and said we had to be quiet and I told him everyone would be leaving shortly but he continued to stand in the door and tell me we are always loud and I said no we are not. Saturday afternoon my grandma was here with my niece and nephew and he came up and complained that we were being loud again. They are kids and they were not jumping but they were walking around a lot. I’m getting annoyed that he keeps coming up here and complaining and I don’t think he should be. We are quiet during night hours and I’ve never had a problem with anyone before. I can hear his tv if the volume is up loud and I hear them opening the doors all the time, they are sliding closet doors but I never said anything because this is an apartment building and I expect to hear other tenants.

Baby boy was born at 36 weeks gestation a few days ago. He is in the NICU due to having a pleural effusion that seems to be clearing. He also has pulmonary hypertension but they hope no surgery is needed right now. He is stable and doing well in the NICU. He doesn’t suckle or eat on his own because he is learning to swallow and breathe. Things we take for granted. I feel bad for my wife because she was looking forward to experience being a woman and breast feeding him.
They no longer have him intubated just on oxygen with the canula at 2 liters so we are making progress. Blood work came back positive for trisomy21. Asked Doctor about a microarray but she said he doesn’t need one?that he as tri21? I thought there were 3 types from what I am learning online.
Can’t say my wife and aren’t a little scared and confused. I did sign up today for down syndrome network news letter. I guess I just don’t know where to start since we are embarking on this journey.
I hope to give him the best life I can. I know early intervention is important but what exactly does that entail? What therapies should I be looking for to begin with? What recommendations or resources?
My wife is grieving and so am I a little because he is our first and I guess we had so many ideas of our marriage having a little one that would be our legacy in terms of growing up and growing older, college, girlfriends, maybe marriage and children for him but now I see he may never experience some of those things and we should be counting our blessings.
I have so many thoughts in my mind like what kind of life will he have and be able to live? Will he live a long quality life? Will he have independence? I get worried about who will take care of him when we die as I am 38m and wife is 36f. Then I read that I can expect his life expectancy to be maybe 50-60’s years of age and that some DS people live till 70’s maybe.
I know I should just enjoy the moment now of him being a baby but seeing the videos on you tube and realizing how much time and effort he will need to thrive scares me because he just won’t have a typical childhood. But I will do my best to be strong and be there for him and I want to give him the best start and base possible to thrive.
I see there was an institute for people’s potential and also know I will need to sign up for all the therapies I can. I know also I need him to have great nutrition and healthy lifestyle so he can carry himself with it for as long as he can because after my wife and I are gone he will really have no one else besides maybe a few nephews and nieces. Do I need to set up a trust or anything like that now or accounts to grow so he will have something in the future to use?
Thank you for reading my grief and cries here. I appreciate your experience and expertise on what I can do to give my newborn baby boy the best quality of life he can have.

This probably belongs on AITA but I only want commentary from black LGBT.
AITA for asking my partner why she thought it was a good idea to invite her homophobic sister to stay at our house ?
I (33, F) have been with my partner Leah (F, 33) for 4 years. She told me early on her family is homophobic and not accepting. Her mother is the only family member to explicitly tell her keep “it” away from her and she doesn’t want to see “it”. These are her words not mine. Leah’s father and her two older sisters (ages 38 and 43) have never told her that directly but they have scolded my partner for upsetting their mother when her sexuality has been discussed. Leah has also told me that all members of her family are homophobic and say homophobic things.
I don’t have a relationship with her family. I am not invited to her parents’ nor her sisters’ houses. Leah speaks to her family members throughout the day on the phone or FaceTime mainly to talk to her niece and nephews. When her family is on the phone, we don’t speak to each other. There have been a few instances where I will tell Leah to tell them I say hello and they say a dry hello back but it’s obviously because they aren’t trying to be rude.
Leah has asked her sister, Erica (age 38), if I could ever come down with her when she goes to visit her niece and nephew and Erica said no because she doesn’t want to upset their mother (no, their mother does not live with Erica). Apparently, their mother helps with the kids from time to time and Erica doesn’t want to risk messing up her relationship with their mother and lose being able to drop the kids with her.
My partner and I lived in an apartment together for the first 3 years of our relationship and she recently purchased a house, which we moved into a few months ago. A month after moving in, my partner mentions that Erica told her she will be coming to visit with her husband and kids (age 1 and 5) to visit in 3 weeks. I assumed that since Erica has young kids and because Leah and I’s relationship isn’t accepted she would be staying at a hotel or Airbnb. A few days go by and I ask Leah where Erica is staying, a hotel or an AirBnB? Leah says “No, they are staying here.” I reply, “ Here??” And she’s says “ Yeah, I haven’t asked her yet but it’s my family so it’s pretty much assumed they would stay here .”
Ummmm is it ????
Let me make it clear that I had no issue with Erica staying with us. Granted, it may be awkward but I would of course try to be cordial and make them all feel welcome because it’s her family. My issue is with Leah. I told her that I’m confused about why she thought it would be a good idea for them to stay at the house knowing we don’t have a relationship, barely speak and I have been explicitly told I can’t stay at Erica’s house. Most importantly, I asked her why she just assumed they would stay with us without talking to me about it to see how I feel. Petty me also wanted to know how is her sister welcome in our house but I’m not in her house? Leah now says I’m not being supportive of her and I’m making it about me and how I feel and that I’ll never understand because my parents are accepting.
I know I will never fully understand what my partner feels with her family not being accepting. I want to be supportive and be a safe space for her. I’m trying to navigate between that and setting boundaries for myself. Is it me ? Am I the drama??

Hi Folks,
I just finished another read-through of The Road. This is perhaps my 3rd or 4th full read-through since my first reading in 2017. I'd shared a few of these thoughts on a previous thread last week, but now that my reading has wrapped up, I thought I'd expand on them a bit here. I'm not quite sure how many more re-reads of this book I have in me now that I have young nieces and nephews as this book'll pretty much tear you up, ha. Anyhow, I do this mostly to collect some of my thoughts, but also in hopes that it might aid others wondering about some of these things:
Setting and locations:
Having grown up stomping around North Georgia, Eastern Tennessee, and Western North Carolina, it feels very clear to me that this is the intended setting. A "resort town in the mountains" is mentioned at one point. I have a feeling that this might be the little town of Bryson City, which also got a mention in Suttree as a tourist town, though it could also be Highlands or similar. There are also numerous beautiful waterfalls in this area pouring close to the Blue Ridge Parkway such as the one the father and son visit and swim in. South of this area is the Piedmont (also mentioned) of South Carolina. I suspect the father dies somewhere in East Georgia just from the timing and distance travelled, but there's no other clues given to that I feel. I know there has been much discussion and research done about this, but I am simply here to say that I agree with it. I intentionally have not read the details of that research yet so that I can chew on it a bit more, myself, first.
"The empty parking lot at the overlook"..."it's the gap." - maybe Jones Gap south of Brevard, NC?
Gnosticism I picked up more of the gnosticism in the book this time. A few of the visuals are reminiscent of some used in other books:
"This the day to shape the days upon" - the image in both Blood Meridian and The Passenger of reality being something put together in a forge.
Another Suttree link:
In addition to the above mentioned possible Bryson City link...
Cormac describes "people sitting on the sidewalk in the dawn half immolate and smoking in their clothes. Like failed sectarian suicides." Others have mentioned here the link between the name "Suttree" and suttee (also spelled: sati), the Hindu practice of a window burning herself on her husband's funeral pyre.
Naturalism, The Ending, Mystery
I've always read the ending as both elegiac for the world that has gone by and as a shout at the void in defense of beauty and life. "These things were real, they were good and beautiful, they were important, they were meaningful, the void cannot take them even after I am gone and no longer here to lament them, they exist permanently, I believe it even if I can't prove it or show how."
There are multiple small moments in the book that quietly are in conversation with that final paragraph where catholic ideas of rituals, litanies, and memory are visited:
"He stood on a stone bridge where the waters slurried into a pool and turned slowly in a gray foam. Where once he'd watch trout swaying in the current, tracking their perfect shadows on the stones beneath."
"he'd stood at such a river once and watched the flash of trout deep in a pool, invisible to see in the teacolored water except as they turned on their sides to feed. Reflecting back the sun deep in the darkness like the flash of knives in a cave."
"There were times when... he would begin to sob uncontrollably... he wasn't sure what it was about but he thought it was about beauty or about goodness."
"when he bent to see into the boy's face under the hood of the blanket he very much feared that something was gone that could not be put right again."
"What do I have to do? Tell us where the world went."
"Do you think that your fathers are watching? That they weigh you in their ledger book? Against what?... I think maybe they are watching, he said. They are watching for a thing that even death cannot undo and if they do not see it they will turn away from us and not come back."
"Make a list, recite a litany. Remember."
What does it mean, this beauty? Is it real? Can a man stand on it and believe he is standing on something outside the reaches of annihilation?
The word "mystery" in the last sentence is also very specifically chosen. In the Catholic meaning (Cormac was raised Catholic), mystery is "a divinely revealed truth whose very possibility cannot be rationally conceived before it is revealed and, after revelation, whose inner essence cannot be fully understood by the finite mind."
All of this speaks to a question that McCarthy has plumbed his entire career and would return to again explicitly in The PassengeStella Maris: "When we and all our works are gone together with every memory of them and every machine in which such memory could be encoded and stored and the earth is not even a cinder, for whom then will this be a tragedy?"
I believe the final paragraph is an answer to that question: the sublime has a permanence that remains, like an afterimage (to use another phrase from The Road), even after we are gone. You must believe it and simply perhaps feel it - like a trout in your hand, polished and muscular and torsional - more than you understand it.
Anyhow, I hope this gives some food for thought.