Egg vinegar experiment

I was recently with a family member who has a membership, and my first experience in there was wild. literally couldn't believe the bulk things they had.
Mind you, I do not make very much in a month, if anything at all. So when a pack of beef ribs snuck up on me for 25 bucks, I was shocked. I was even skeptical of the hotdogs they had there being 13 bucks- until i lifted the thing and like 3 more packs were attached.
Honestly the bulk there on everything seems incredible. I feel like buying a full sized brisket could last me an entire month for food projects and meals, let alone what more I could buy there. Plus, it seems that single items, like eggs and milk and yoghurt are fairly priced there too.
So 60 dollars annually doesn't seem too bad at all, but what do you guys think? Any opinions on whether it's worth it or not? For context, I'm a single guy and I outright love to cook and bake.

Just as the title says, this woman had a kid in 2023 and now said kid is starting to be weaned. I know this woman has been vegan for several years and her boyfriend became one too after some time. He's kind of a chill person, it took him a long time to ditch dairy and I'm not even sure if he makes some exceptions for dessert from time to time.
She on the other hand cannot even stand any byproducts in her home; once, after a dinner, someone left some eggs they had brought to cook something for a person with special exigencies (the food they had made wasn't suitable for that person because of allergies so we brought some more ingredients) and she was extremely triggered when she found them in the pantry, getting visibly angry at whomever had forgotten to take them away. She's this highly spiritual person (being half-Indian partly originated that, she was raised there half of her life by a vegetarian and both she and the parent went vegan later) and is really passionate about that. Now she has this wonderful child and she said that she's only feeding the little one vegan food after weaning. I also told her I stopped being a quasi-vegan (I used to be a vegetarian for a long time and ate as little dairy as possible, 2 eggs per week at most, before I found out that my body and mind were literally collapsing because of poor absorption of some nutrients) and she made a strange face. I mean, even I had decided that I'd feed my kid a regular diet or a vegetarian one at most, back then, before I started eating meat again. Regardless of whatever people may say, I wouldn't want to find out if you can keep a child safe on that diet by experimenting on my own. I always believed that forcing that diet on someone who's growing and needs so many nutrients is folly.
I know that telling her that doing that to her kid is harmful won't change anything so I did not even try, honestly, also because she'd tell me that I had made a similar dietary choice and hence I am incoherent not to respect hers. But I am worried on the other hand because her choice is no longer only hers when she has a kid to feed. The father seems chill with that and that worries me even more. As long as she keeps breastfeeding the kid, the body will probably collect whatever nutrient she's not getting through diet by eroding her own body, but when she does stop breastfeeding, that kid will have basically half the nutrients needed to grow healthily, not to mention the body may not absorb all of them properly.

this might be a lot and not the place for this but someone bear with me (22m) please ;_; was talking to my family about my experiences with magic mushrooms, and my grandfather (mom’s side) said something like “be careful, my brother had a schizophrenic episode after taking lsd- we found him rambling about the molecule and he had poorly drawn out a picture of the molecule on the ground.” but i don’t think there’s ever been a conversation about him having schizophrenia? anyway then he went on to ramble about the “this is your brain on drugs”/scrambled eggs commercials that would come on tv a long time ago. and given our family histories which i will elaborate on, i feel like this is a conversation that should have happened much sooner?? or maybe he was just talking out of his ass idk lmao
mental illness seems to run in the family on both sides with alcoholism being pretty prevalent in a lot of both my mom and dad’s relatives. my dad’s brother killed himself with a gun when they were in highschool and my dad found the body. ultimately he became a pretty abusive alcoholic, and he was really prone to mood swings looking back at it. I was put in therapy after my mom divorced him but we never really talked as a family. my older sister inherited his hip deformity that made him unfit for the catholic high school his brothers all went to, and a virus that caused her to have emergency surgery at birth (which left her deaf in both ears, and she stands 4’7” at 25 years old) he picked on her and our older brother a lot, and we all struggle socially. My brother kept to himself a lot until he died at 19 in a freak car accident on a road trip with his friends. Guy with dementia snuck out and got in a car with his dog at like 2am, took an exit ramp onto the highway going the wrong way right as they took the same one, spun out and all then all lights went out, so they got rear ended by a tractor trailer. that model of jeep had a defect where the trailer hitch would break and push in to the gas tank, causing an explosion. happened a couple times prior and was actually almost recalled years before (-: trucking company policy was call your superiors before anyone else, phone records reflected that phone call did in fact happen while those kids were burning to death. i dont blame that poor driver knowing what little i know about trucking and their work conditions, and i got half of a music degree paid for by my share of the settlement. i’ve always felt like that would not have happened if these were not several upper middle class suburban families who were affected by the tragedy, who could afford to pursue legal action for years against an entity like that. I think the community rallied to donate some but even then, it was a fairly affluent community
the last time i saw my dad was at my brothers funeral. i was 14 and it had been a couple years already, but he aged so poorly much i mistook him for his dad who had died a decade prior. i don’t think we spoke until a few years later on the phone, and it was the last time we spoke. he was antagonizing my mom with his usual nonsense that she was making him out to seem like a bad guy to us, and that she was secretly in love with her cousin (who she has always been very close to) — i told him to go fuck himself — that was a reccuring taunt of his our whole childhood, which i always thought was weird but never thought much of it. eventually my brother no longer wanted to visit my mom’s extended family once he had a say in it, and he never really wanted to talk about it either. a few years after my brother died, we were visiting the cousin in question, when i woke up just in time to see them kiss. I went back to sleep like I saw nothing and my sister texted me in the morning telling me she saw the same thing.
Apart from the yknow, incest, she remarried two years before my brother died- so naturally we confronted her about it and she just sort of fawned and said she had too much to drink and that it won’t happen again. they always get too drunk together at family events and I have glimpsed kissy face emojis and other suggestive language on her phone that she obviously was trying to shield with her hands.
Now I’m questioning pretty much everything. I don’t think it was long after that when my dad went missing, which my mom only noticed because he hadn’t sent birthday cards for a whole year, and within a year of that he was found in florida, dead on the street with fentanylin his blood. he was either dosed or killed himself. My family told me he died of natural causes accelerated by his alcoholism when it first happened and didn’t mention the fentanyl until very recently. Im wondering what else could they have they lied about or just have not told me because they don’t think I need to know?
One thing I try not to think too much about is something my mom said just once when I was little, about how when my sister was born the Doctors advised them not to have more kids bc it would be risky, “but I turned out fine” or something. My dad never came to visit our family on my mom’s side that i can remember, and when I was really little we spent a lot more time with her cousin doing a lot of quality time stuff; movies, mini golf, etc. The guy also drank a lot but he’s had better luck kicking the worst of his habits I guess.
JFC what do i make of all of this
….
i also sometimes feel like i’m getting schizo-baited by all of my targeted adds and articles on all of social media and sometimes i feel like im being watched so i don’t go anywhere or talk to my friends much at all. i went to a protest the other day and saw the typical undercover cop in his “hello fellow kids” getup, next day I step out of work to go to a coffee shop and the same dude in the same outfit is sitting next to the door when i go to leave. anyway please advise

CW: brief mentions of child abuse & alcoholism
I think this is an aspect of masking that people talk about less, and for a while it was a roadblock in my diagnosis journey. That is, whenever asked if I could pick up on nonverbal forms of communication (body language, gesturing, etc.) I would always say yes BUT only because I have worked extremely hard to learn what those things mean.
Partially because being a woman or fem presenting person means that, in order to identify danger, you gotta do stuff like learn the body language of interested creepy men. Also, women are socialised to be more "emotionally attuned" which sometimes simply means to walk on egg shells. You will quickly learn what nonverbal things mean if you receive a negative reaction enough times when you're clueless. I myself grew up in a very abusive household where I was hyper aware and vigilant of my father's nonverbal signs for when he was drunk. In fact, whenever someone asks me if I understand nonverbal cues, my brain immediately goes to my poor home life for an example, because it was instilled in me from a young age that in order to be safe, I had to assess a threat as subtly as possible. Things like swaying, dozing off, glazed-over eyes, are all nonverbal cues I know very well. I have C-PTSD and many of my loved ones now that I'm too paranoid regarding body language, angry gesturing and facial expressions, etc.
I think the idea that autistic people are completely clueless when it comes to body language/gestures/facial expressions isn't necessarily untrue, but also stems from a very sanitised (and mostly male-centric) experience of autism. I still struggle with these things from time to time, but I think it's unfair for a core building block of an autism diagnosis to be something that a lot of AFAB and abuse surviving individuals slip through the cracks with. Don't know if this is just me, though.

[TW]: insects, SH
I woke up two days ago with two itchy bites on my ankle, and it's all been a whirlwind from there. I've pretty much convinced myself that I have bedbugs living in my bed, based on the following:

1. The two bites I've described, plus some other skin irregularities/itchy patches (the latter may be imagined) I've noticed on my body.
2. A blood patch I found on my bedsheets.
3. Something I found on the floor, which I took to be a molted bed bug shell.

Now, from a rational perspective I know I'm overreacting completely. And here's why:

1. After discovering the bites, I found a mosquito in my room. Though the bites don't look like other mosquito bites I get and were somewhere that I assumed was covered by bedding while I slept. But it's still probably the mosquito, and if not, I did sit the night before in my friend's car, who recently got a dog. It's possible they could be flea bites.
2. The blood patch looked fairly old, and by Googling it seems bed bug blood patches would be smaller and darker. It's also possible either my girlfriend or I had a spot/pimple that bled in our sleep - we both have some on our back.
3. That "shell" I found was the same colour as a bed bug, but apparently their molted shells are translucent, and this one lacked any "bug parts" (antennae, legs) and had a different texture than I would expect. Could just as easily have been a seed from a bread loaf.

Nevertheless here I am tearing up my mind about bedbugs, scrutinising my mattress constantly, and washing my clothes and sheets at 60° even though I usually do 40° because it's gentler. The bedbugs subreddit does not help because everyone over there seems as anxious as me, and every "is this a bed bug/shell/egg" post gets a few yes responses despite a real diversity in the pictures posted. The thing with bed bugs is they're practically unfalsifiable: they're good at hiding, so you don't see them, their bites vary from person to person, and they can go for long periods without feeding.
Like I said, I likely don't have bedbugs. The fear stems from a budget hotel my friend booked us in to two weeks ago, which wasn't the cleanest. But I did check the mattresses there, and they seemed to pass the test. My friend actually moved on to a second hotel after I went home that did have bed bugs, and he said it was immediately noticeable. I visited India last year, and when my friend jokingly talked about bringing bedbugs home on the return flight (we didn't encounter any) the thought played on my mind for a couple weeks, but this time is more intense.
The only reprieve I get from worrying about them is when I'm distracted, like at work. I did a pretty intense yoga session yesterday and didn't think about it once, but as soon as we brought the session to a close with a meditation, they were back all over my mind.
I also know that, worse case scenario, if I did have them, I'd have to call an exterminator and be out €2000, which would be utterly shit but wouldn't kill me. It's not like the bugs can kill me or even hurt me either. I thought about calling an inspector, but I don't want to spend all that money (and probably anger my landlord) just for reassurance.
I've always been an overthinker and have struggled with anxiety throughout my life. In the past year or two, though, I've noticed some more intrusive thoughts:

1. My ex and I had a place last year and she had a cat. One day when I was leaving for work I didn't pull the door all the way closed. My ex noticed and chewed me out (another story) because it was an indoor cat. But for months afterwards this led me to coming back to the house after leaving for work (sometimes already after walking 10 minutes), coming home early, or staying home completely. At this time I also had a depressive period and my work suffered for a few months as a result.
2. After my breakup when I moved into my new place, I put a hanging plant attachment into the roof and couldn't shake the feeling I'd hit a gas line, even after my Dad (a tradesman) told me they were unlikely to be in that part of the ceiling. I left on a work trip abroad the same day and for the first day away all I thought about was returning to a blown-up apartment. I had a similar feeling when my fridge gas pipe ruptured - I thought I was gonna die in my sleep and ventilated my flat for days.
3. I'm terrified of fire, always have been, but lately I've been unplugging things every time I leave my office because I'm afraid I'll burn the whole place down. I recently quit smoking with the help of an e-cigarette, but for the first week or two I had it I was often terrified it would explode in my pocket.
4. I had an unexplainable pain in my nether regions for a few months that took A LONG TIME to diagnose (turned out to be a muscle problem). But I was constantly anxious about testicular torsion and I wondered why doctors/urologists didn't care. At one point I remember telling myself "I think you want testicular torsion just so you know you're right."
5. When I leave my house I check my balcony door is locked and that the stove is turned off, usually only once, maybe twice. Regarding unplugging things in work, I've once sent my colleague to check something in my office after I left, under false pretenses, in the hope that if something bad had happened (a fire) they would notice and catch it in time.
6. I have - very, very rarely, probably less than 5 times in my life - been consumed momentarily by thoughts of self-harm. Mostly it's fleeting like the intrusive thought I guess everyone gets occasionally, just pushing your brain to consider the worst. However, twice - once after trying SSRIs for my depressive episode and again at random more recently - I had thoughts of slitting my wrists that scared the fuck out of me and sat with me for a good few hours.

I've been in therapy before for anxiety but stopped for a while because my therapist's son got really sick and stopped all sessions. When I look at all this, written out, I'm honestly starting to convince myself that the more likely thing going on here is that I have undiagnosed mild OCD.
However, these thoughts don't normally take over my whole day - I can usually get away from them if I'm distracted, and most of the time they don't bother me unrelentingly, just mildly. Also, besides the unplugging of electronics and checking of locks - which I do not do universally - I don't really think I have any compulsions. These are things I would expect if I had diagnosable OCD, though I don't know much about the condition or the spectrum it exists within.
What are your thoughts? Does it sound like anxiety or OCD experience? I'm planning to go back to therapy next month if I can (it's hard to get appointments where I live, especially in my native language), but do you have any tips for dealing with such thoughts by myself too?
Many thanks for taking the time to read.

For a bit of back story, my older sister hasnt really been a part of the family. She has been in boarding schools from middle school till uni and only stays a while to visit. I guess this whole family concept is new to her. She used to be the best older sister. I would always brag to my friends about how preety and smart she is even though ive had some horrible experiences with her. She recently graduated uni and is back at home she is looking for a scolarship in Tokyo for her master's ( that I really hope she gets)
My little sister is really wise and calm for an 11 year old but she also has her complaints about her. My older sister tends to ignore people and then pretend to be nice, valuable or a 'saviour' by baking, cooking and cleaning around. She also pretends to be this really smart person and interrupts laughs or makes rude remarks when trying to prove your point in a debate. I have ADHD which is frustrating for my clean freak little sister that i share a room with as i tend to forget things she asked me to do or leave random things all over the room jumping from task to task. My sister and I always bicker but end up making up and I truly put in effort to keep the room clean. On one of these bickering moments my oldersister came into the room and imediatly took her side and ignored anything i had to say and would directly talk to her like im not in the room "Dont worry just ignore her, we all know she doesnt care about anyone" which makes completly no sense at all but whatever.
Im really smart and everyone knows that biology is a subject I'm good at so when my mum was talking about something and i was explaining it to her from a biological stand I was confused to see her mocking and laughing at me and looking at my little sister who was just as stunned as I was. We got into a debate about whether smoking causes cancer or not and i said that it doesnt but has a correlation to which she indirectly said that I'm 'young and stupid' and we aren't here to argue 'semantics' She then went on to use 'big words' in hopes to make me feel dumb but failed terribly. she asked me if i knew what a certain chemical compound was and when I said no she just went completely out of control with her rude attitude and when i confronted her, she just said that "being rude is the only thing that works with me" I, later on, asked my dad who has a high IQ and is super good at all sciences what that compound is and he had no Idea.
My mom recently bought everyone chocolate. I kept mine in my bag but decided to keep it in the fridge a couple days later. both my sisters had eatten their bars so i was surprised to see that my bar was also missing. Im not a fan of the brand and would have let her eat it if she had asked me. I asked my younger sister if she ate it and she said no, my parents dont like sugar which only leaves her in the home. I found out later that she told my mum I ate mine and some of hers, she is really good at manipulating my mother. I also saw her take my earbuds and use them, I asked her if those were mine to which she replied "I dont know what ur talking about" and then put them on and blasted music. I told her I would appreciate if she asked before using my stuff to which she replied "I dont know what ur talking about" and smirked
The next day I took a chocolate she had gotten for herself and hid it. When she asked me where it was i told her i dint know what she was talking about to which she responded to saying stuff under her breath. He had had a physical fight when i was around 13 and she did some damage there but knew not to mess with me now as im bigger and stronger than she is. she complained to our mum saying that money should be deducted from my pockets. I let her believe i ate her chocolate for an hour to let her know how i feel about her taking my things without my permission then i placed her chocolate on the kitchen counter and accidentally knocked yogurt she put in the freezer and promptly cleaned it up. she saw the spilled yogurt and was jeering at me and flinging all sorts of insults. I didn't care and camly cleaned up the mess. I guess she saw the chocolate because its missing from the counter and people in this house dont just take things that dont belong to them.
I'm starting to seriously not like my sister and I dont know what to do about it. she's not all bad but for a 22-year-old.. this is completely unacceptable. there was a time she decided to go vegan and would call the food in the fridge a "grave yard" when i tried to fry an egg she made a disgusted face and called it "chicken period" she also called any kind of meat "corpses" Im guessing she has grown a little from then but ill never forget that easter break she came over. If you ask her about this she will tell you that she would never say 'such a thing' and that 'the human brain creates false memories' and so thats what i must be going through.
I dont want to dislike her because she is family and i have alot of good memories with her but I also will not tolerate nonsense. AITAH for not liking my sister? or hiding her chocolate? I feel bad "playing God" and making her learn a lesson.

I’m starting an educational series on Kundalini Shakti and related topics, to clear up some misconceptions and reduce confusion in this field. This is a crosspost from KundaliniAwakening , but seeing it is relevant to the topics discussed on this subreddit, I thought I’d post it here too, in case anyone’s interested.
I’ll start with a primer on Kundalini itself.

In Hindu philosophy, the outflowing, creative aspect of God is known as Shakti. This Shakti becomes Mahamaya, which is the Grand Illusion, our entire created universe, basically. Mahamaya becomes Prakriti or Mother Nature and gives birth to all living things, hence we often call her the Divine Mother and this Shakti aspect of God is therefore seen as feminine.

In a human body and many other living things, Shakti manifests as Kundalini, which means “coiled”. Symbolically, this energy of creation is depicted as a serpent, coiled three and a half times around itself. It enters the egg upon conception and is responsible for the growth and evolution of a single cell into a many-cell organism, a fetus and then eventually a baby. It not only provides the motive power for life and growth, but is the intelligence behind the development of life itself. It provides the holographic blueprint for it, so to speak. Once the energy had fulfilled its purpose and the growth of the multi-cell organism is well under way and the requisite energy bodies (subtle sheaths or koshas), into which the physical body grows and around which it develops, are fully formed, it retreats into its dormant state and goes to sleep.

In most humans (though we cannot be sure about animals and other intelligent living beings), it remains dormant throughout a person’s life and plays no further role in its life. Over thousands of years, yogis and other mystics have figured out ways by which this energy can be awakened and its immense power of creation be used for beneficial, or in some case harmful purposes. What they have discovered, is that once awakened, this Kundalini Shakti becomes the vehicle for enlightenment and is also responsible for awakening certain psychic and healing powers in the individual, known as siddhis.

Kundalini Shakti rests at the base of the spine, in an energy centre known as muladhara, the root. When awakened, it moves through subtle energy channels, known as Shakti Nadis, the main one of which is located inside the spine, called Sushumna, through which Kundalini usually rises, though other side channels can also be a host for this energy.
Along the spine, there are subtle energy centres, corresponding to nerve clusters, where Kundalini Shakti initiates a cleansing process, bringing up stored memories, trauma and karma (the energetic imprints or memories of past actions and their consequences). Once dealt with, which can take from months to years, the energy moves on to the next centre to continue with the clearing process. Overall, this process can take from years to lifetimes. On the path of yoga, no progress is ever lost, so should someone die before the clearing / purification process is complete, they will continue where they left off in the next life.
In some cases, the energy can shoot straight up the spine and enter the brain, without warning or preparation. This is highly undesirable and can lead to many problems mentally, psychologically and physically. Such spontaneous rising events are usually triggered by trauma, including blunt force trauma to the coccyx, drug use, forced methods of Kundalini activation, or through Shaktipat, when another person passes on their own Shakti energy to someone else, triggering a sudden activation and awakening in them.
The problem with such sudden rising events is that a person needs to go through substantial inner work and purification, before they are ready for the energy to rise all the way to the head and thus trigger a substantial rewiring of the brain and nervous system, which can feel like a complete death and rebirth, as the person will essentially go through psychological growing pains as if they were entirely born again.
In the traditional yogic system, the purification is done by Shakti herself, going gradually from one centre to the next, as she rises. In other systems, such as Kriya Yoga, the purification process is done from the top to the bottom, so that by the time the root is reached, the energy can rise without obstruction and without triggering any negative side effects.
I am simplifying here, as there are many different types of rising, but these are the main ones.
The purpose of Kundalini Shakti and the rising process, is to evolve a human from their current, limited state to a higher one, where they are much more able to fulfil their potential. In the end, it can enable a person to experience enlightenment, to transcend their ego and merge back into source, returning to non-dual consciousness. Basically, these are complicated words to express the simple truth, through Kundalini, one can return home.
Inside us, we all have this feeling, that we don’t quite belong, that there is something greater, better out there, where we come from and where we long to return. This “home” we can all intuitively feel is the collective consciousness or oversoul known as Brahman. That portion of Brahman which we claim as our own is called Atman or Self, but it is a distinction without a difference.
Through Kundalini, we can awaken to our soul’s true purpose, we can become what we were always meant to be and feel “at home” and “whole again”. All other pursuits are ultimately fruitless, because they leave us empty, wanting, always longing for more, the real thing.
Only Kundalini is worth pursuing in this life, it is my contention, that we were born and keep getting born, specifically and only to awaken Kundalini and complete its ascent, then integrate it fully into our very energetic and psychic makeup. We will be born again and again until we complete this task, then finally, we can graduate from the school of life (samsara) and as fully mature and self-realised souls we can return home, to the “place” or state of being we all come from.
There is no one way by which this can be achieved, we all have a unique path to follow. One path isn’t better than the rest, it simply is more suited to a given individual. Our paths have all been laid out for us before we were born, I’m certain of that. In most cases, we were given a preview of the coming life and agreed to fulfil it to the best of our abilities. Then, as we go on in life, certain pre-planned milestones and events take us inevitably towards our true purpose. Souls have different maturity levels, so only a small proportion of us are destined to go all the way in this lifetime, but with each life we take a further step towards liberation.

I’m starting an educational series on Kundalini Shakti and related topics, to clear up some misconceptions and reduce confusion in this field. This is a crosspost from KundaliniAwakening , but seeing it is relevant to the topics discussed on this subreddit, I thought I’d post it here too, in case anyone’s interested.
I’ll start with a primer on Kundalini itself.

In Hindu philosophy, the outflowing, creative aspect of God is known as Shakti. This Shakti becomes Mahamaya, which is the Grand Illusion, our entire created universe, basically. Mahamaya becomes Prakriti or Mother Nature and gives birth to all living things, hence we often call her the Divine Mother and this Shakti aspect of God is therefore seen as feminine.

In a human body and many other living things, Shakti manifests as Kundalini, which means “coiled”. Symbolically, this energy of creation is depicted as a serpent, coiled three and a half times around itself. It enters the egg upon conception and is responsible for the growth and evolution of a single cell into a many-cell organism, a fetus and then eventually a baby. It not only provides the motive power for life and growth, but is the intelligence behind the development of life itself. It provides the holographic blueprint for it, so to speak. Once the energy had fulfilled its purpose and the growth of the multi-cell organism is well under way and the requisite energy bodies (subtle sheaths or koshas), into which the physical body grows and around which it develops, are fully formed, it retreats into its dormant state and goes to sleep.

In most humans (though we cannot be sure about animals and other intelligent living beings), it remains dormant throughout a person’s life and plays no further role in its life. Over thousands of years, yogis and other mystics have figured out ways by which this energy can be awakened and its immense power of creation be used for beneficial, or in some case harmful purposes. What they have discovered, is that once awakened, this Kundalini Shakti becomes the vehicle for enlightenment and is also responsible for awakening certain psychic and healing powers in the individual, known as siddhis.

Kundalini Shakti rests at the base of the spine, in an energy centre known as muladhara, the root. When awakened, it moves through subtle energy channels, known as Shakti Nadis, the main one of which is located inside the spine, called Sushumna, through which Kundalini usually rises, though other side channels can also be a host for this energy.
Along the spine, there are subtle energy centres, corresponding to nerve clusters, where Kundalini Shakti initiates a cleansing process, bringing up stored memories, trauma and karma (the energetic imprints or memories of past actions and their consequences). Once dealt with, which can take from months to years, the energy moves on to the next centre to continue with the clearing process. Overall, this process can take from years to lifetimes. On the path of yoga, no progress is ever lost, so should someone die before the clearing / purification process is complete, they will continue where they left off in the next life.
In some cases, the energy can shoot straight up the spine and enter the brain, without warning or preparation. This is highly undesirable and can lead to many problems mentally, psychologically and physically. Such spontaneous rising events are usually triggered by trauma, including blunt force trauma to the coccyx, drug use, forced methods of Kundalini activation, or through Shaktipat, when another person passes on their own Shakti energy to someone else, triggering a sudden activation and awakening in them.
The problem with such sudden rising events is that a person needs to go through substantial inner work and purification, before they are ready for the energy to rise all the way to the head and thus trigger a substantial rewiring of the brain and nervous system, which can feel like a complete death and rebirth, as the person will essentially go through psychological growing pains as if they were entirely born again.
In the traditional yogic system, the purification is done by Shakti herself, going gradually from one centre to the next, as she rises. In other systems, such as Kriya Yoga, the purification process is done from the top to the bottom, so that by the time the root is reached, the energy can rise without obstruction and without triggering any negative side effects.
I am simplifying here, as there are many different types of rising, but these are the main ones.
The purpose of Kundalini Shakti and the rising process, is to evolve a human from their current, limited state to a higher one, where they are much more able to fulfil their potential. In the end, it can enable a person to experience enlightenment, to transcend their ego and merge back into source, returning to non-dual consciousness. Basically, these are complicated words to express the simple truth, through Kundalini, one can return home.
Inside us, we all have this feeling, that we don’t quite belong, that there is something greater, better out there, where we come from and where we long to return. This “home” we can all intuitively feel is the collective consciousness or oversoul known as Brahman. That portion of Brahman which we claim as our own is called Atman or Self, but it is a distinction without a difference.
Through Kundalini, we can awaken to our soul’s true purpose, we can become what we were always meant to be and feel “at home” and “whole again”. All other pursuits are ultimately fruitless, because they leave us empty, wanting, always longing for more, the real thing.
Only Kundalini is worth pursuing in this life, it is my contention, that we were born and keep getting born, specifically and only to awaken Kundalini and complete its ascent, then integrate it fully into our very energetic and psychic makeup. We will be born again and again until we complete this task, then finally, we can graduate from the school of life (samsara) and as fully mature and self-realised souls we can return home, to the “place” or state of being we all come from.
There is no one way by which this can be achieved, we all have a unique path to follow. One path isn’t better than the rest, it simply is more suited to a given individual. Our paths have all been laid out for us before we were born, I’m certain of that. In most cases, we were given a preview of the coming life and agreed to fulfil it to the best of our abilities. Then, as we go on in life, certain pre-planned milestones and events take us inevitably towards our true purpose. Souls have different maturity levels, so only a small proportion of us are destined to go all the way in this lifetime, but with each life we take a further step towards liberation.

I’m starting an educational series on Kundalini Shakti and related topics, to clear up some misconceptions and reduce confusion in this field. This is a crosspost from KundaliniAwakening , but seeing it is relevant to the topics discussed on this subreddit, I thought I’d post it here too, in case anyone’s interested.
I’ll start with a primer on Kundalini itself.

In Hindu philosophy, the outflowing, creative aspect of God is known as Shakti. This Shakti becomes Mahamaya, which is the Grand Illusion, our entire created universe, basically. Mahamaya becomes Prakriti or Mother Nature and gives birth to all living things, hence we often call her the Divine Mother and this Shakti aspect of God is therefore seen as feminine.

In a human body and many other living things, Shakti manifests as Kundalini, which means “coiled”. Symbolically, this energy of creation is depicted as a serpent, coiled three and a half times around itself. It enters the egg upon conception and is responsible for the growth and evolution of a single cell into a many-cell organism, a fetus and then eventually a baby. It not only provides the motive power for life and growth, but is the intelligence behind the development of life itself. It provides the holographic blueprint for it, so to speak. Once the energy had fulfilled its purpose and the growth of the multi-cell organism is well under way and the requisite energy bodies (subtle sheaths or koshas), into which the physical body grows and around which it develops, are fully formed, it retreats into its dormant state and goes to sleep.

In most humans (though we cannot be sure about animals and other intelligent living beings), it remains dormant throughout a person’s life and plays no further role in its life. Over thousands of years, yogis and other mystics have figured out ways by which this energy can be awakened and its immense power of creation be used for beneficial, or in some case harmful purposes. What they have discovered, is that once awakened, this Kundalini Shakti becomes the vehicle for enlightenment and is also responsible for awakening certain psychic and healing powers in the individual, known as siddhis.

Kundalini Shakti rests at the base of the spine, in an energy centre known as muladhara, the root. When awakened, it moves through subtle energy channels, known as Shakti Nadis, the main one of which is located inside the spine, called Sushumna, through which Kundalini usually rises, though other side channels can also be a host for this energy.
Along the spine, there are subtle energy centres, corresponding to nerve clusters, where Kundalini Shakti initiates a cleansing process, bringing up stored memories, trauma and karma (the energetic imprints or memories of past actions and their consequences). Once dealt with, which can take from months to years, the energy moves on to the next centre to continue with the clearing process. Overall, this process can take from years to lifetimes. On the path of yoga, no progress is ever lost, so should someone die before the clearing / purification process is complete, they will continue where they left off in the next life.
In some cases, the energy can shoot straight up the spine and enter the brain, without warning or preparation. This is highly undesirable and can lead to many problems mentally, psychologically and physically. Such spontaneous rising events are usually triggered by trauma, including blunt force trauma to the coccyx, drug use, forced methods of Kundalini activation, or through Shaktipat, when another person passes on their own Shakti energy to someone else, triggering a sudden activation and awakening in them.
The problem with such sudden rising events is that a person needs to go through substantial inner work and purification, before they are ready for the energy to rise all the way to the head and thus trigger a substantial rewiring of the brain and nervous system, which can feel like a complete death and rebirth, as the person will essentially go through psychological growing pains as if they were entirely born again.
In the traditional yogic system, the purification is done by Shakti herself, going gradually from one centre to the next, as she rises. In other systems, such as Kriya Yoga, the purification process is done from the top to the bottom, so that by the time the root is reached, the energy can rise without obstruction and without triggering any negative side effects.
I am simplifying here, as there are many different types of rising, but these are the main ones.
The purpose of Kundalini Shakti and the rising process, is to evolve a human from their current, limited state to a higher one, where they are much more able to fulfil their potential. In the end, it can enable a person to experience enlightenment, to transcend their ego and merge back into source, returning to non-dual consciousness. Basically, these are complicated words to express the simple truth, through Kundalini, one can return home.
Inside us, we all have this feeling, that we don’t quite belong, that there is something greater, better out there, where we come from and where we long to return. This “home” we can all intuitively feel is the collective consciousness or oversoul known as Brahman. That portion of Brahman which we claim as our own is called Atman or Self, but it is a distinction without a difference.
Through Kundalini, we can awaken to our soul’s true purpose, we can become what we were always meant to be and feel “at home” and “whole again”. All other pursuits are ultimately fruitless, because they leave us empty, wanting, always longing for more, the real thing.
Only Kundalini is worth pursuing in this life, it is my contention, that we were born and keep getting born, specifically and only to awaken Kundalini and complete its ascent, then integrate it fully into our very energetic and psychic makeup. We will be born again and again until we complete this task, then finally, we can graduate from the school of life (samsara) and as fully mature and self-realised souls we can return home, to the “place” or state of being we all come from.
There is no one way by which this can be achieved, we all have a unique path to follow. One path isn’t better than the rest, it simply is more suited to a given individual. Our paths have all been laid out for us before we were born, I’m certain of that. In most cases, we were given a preview of the coming life and agreed to fulfil it to the best of our abilities. Then, as we go on in life, certain pre-planned milestones and events take us inevitably towards our true purpose. Souls have different maturity levels, so only a small proportion of us are destined to go all the way in this lifetime, but with each life we take a further step towards liberation.

I’m starting an educational series on Kundalini Shakti and related topics, to clear up some misconceptions and reduce confusion in this field. This is a crosspost from KundaliniAwakening , but seeing it is relevant to the topics discussed on this subreddit, I thought I’d post it here too, in case anyone’s interested.
I’ll start with a primer on Kundalini itself.

In Hindu philosophy, the outflowing, creative aspect of God is known as Shakti. This Shakti becomes Mahamaya, which is the Grand Illusion, our entire created universe, basically. Mahamaya becomes Prakriti or Mother Nature and gives birth to all living things, hence we often call her the Divine Mother and this Shakti aspect of God is therefore seen as feminine.

In a human body and many other living things, Shakti manifests as Kundalini, which means “coiled”. Symbolically, this energy of creation is depicted as a serpent, coiled three and a half times around itself. It enters the egg upon conception and is responsible for the growth and evolution of a single cell into a many-cell organism, a fetus and then eventually a baby. It not only provides the motive power for life and growth, but is the intelligence behind the development of life itself. It provides the holographic blueprint for it, so to speak. Once the energy had fulfilled its purpose and the growth of the multi-cell organism is well under way and the requisite energy bodies (subtle sheaths or koshas), into which the physical body grows and around which it develops, are fully formed, it retreats into its dormant state and goes to sleep.

In most humans (though we cannot be sure about animals and other intelligent living beings), it remains dormant throughout a person’s life and plays no further role in its life. Over thousands of years, yogis and other mystics have figured out ways by which this energy can be awakened and its immense power of creation be used for beneficial, or in some case harmful purposes. What they have discovered, is that once awakened, this Kundalini Shakti becomes the vehicle for enlightenment and is also responsible for awakening certain psychic and healing powers in the individual, known as siddhis.

Kundalini Shakti rests at the base of the spine, in an energy centre known as muladhara, the root. When awakened, it moves through subtle energy channels, known as Shakti Nadis, the main one of which is located inside the spine, called Sushumna, through which Kundalini usually rises, though other side channels can also be a host for this energy.
Along the spine, there are subtle energy centres, corresponding to nerve clusters, where Kundalini Shakti initiates a cleansing process, bringing up stored memories, trauma and karma (the energetic imprints or memories of past actions and their consequences). Once dealt with, which can take from months to years, the energy moves on to the next centre to continue with the clearing process. Overall, this process can take from years to lifetimes. On the path of yoga, no progress is ever lost, so should someone die before the clearing / purification process is complete, they will continue where they left off in the next life.
In some cases, the energy can shoot straight up the spine and enter the brain, without warning or preparation. This is highly undesirable and can lead to many problems mentally, psychologically and physically. Such spontaneous rising events are usually triggered by trauma, including blunt force trauma to the coccyx, drug use, forced methods of Kundalini activation, or through Shaktipat, when another person passes on their own Shakti energy to someone else, triggering a sudden activation and awakening in them.
The problem with such sudden rising events is that a person needs to go through substantial inner work and purification, before they are ready for the energy to rise all the way to the head and thus trigger a substantial rewiring of the brain and nervous system, which can feel like a complete death and rebirth, as the person will essentially go through psychological growing pains as if they were entirely born again.
In the traditional yogic system, the purification is done by Shakti herself, going gradually from one centre to the next, as she rises. In other systems, such as Kriya Yoga, the purification process is done from the top to the bottom, so that by the time the root is reached, the energy can rise without obstruction and without triggering any negative side effects.
I am simplifying here, as there are many different types of rising, but these are the main ones.
The purpose of Kundalini Shakti and the rising process, is to evolve a human from their current, limited state to a higher one, where they are much more able to fulfil their potential. In the end, it can enable a person to experience enlightenment, to transcend their ego and merge back into source, returning to non-dual consciousness. Basically, these are complicated words to express the simple truth, through Kundalini, one can return home.
Inside us, we all have this feeling, that we don’t quite belong, that there is something greater, better out there, where we come from and where we long to return. This “home” we can all intuitively feel is the collective consciousness or oversoul known as Brahman. That portion of Brahman which we claim as our own is called Atman or Self, but it is a distinction without a difference.
Through Kundalini, we can awaken to our soul’s true purpose, we can become what we were always meant to be and feel “at home” and “whole again”. All other pursuits are ultimately fruitless, because they leave us empty, wanting, always longing for more, the real thing.
Only Kundalini is worth pursuing in this life, it is my contention, that we were born and keep getting born, specifically and only to awaken Kundalini and complete its ascent, then integrate it fully into our very energetic and psychic makeup. We will be born again and again until we complete this task, then finally, we can graduate from the school of life (samsara) and as fully mature and self-realised souls we can return home, to the “place” or state of being we all come from.
There is no one way by which this can be achieved, we all have a unique path to follow. One path isn’t better than the rest, it simply is more suited to a given individual. Our paths have all been laid out for us before we were born, I’m certain of that. In most cases, we were given a preview of the coming life and agreed to fulfil it to the best of our abilities. Then, as we go on in life, certain pre-planned milestones and events take us inevitably towards our true purpose. Souls have different maturity levels, so only a small proportion of us are destined to go all the way in this lifetime, but with each life we take a further step towards liberation.

So 3 years ago I purchased a copy of Pokemon Pinball. I was told that all it needs is a cleaning but when I opened it the entire board was covered in corrosion. Completely in over my head, I threw it in a box and moved on with life.
https://imgur.com/KPuBpOL
The other day while looking for something unrelated I came across the game again. With a lot of soldering experience under my belt since I bought it I decided to try and fix it.
First I gave the pcb a white vinegar bath, ipa scrub, and removed all the components. The ROM chip was the most corroded. You can see in the picture that 4 pads were lost but what's not shown is the five pins that broke off the chip itself.
https://imgur.com/lRH2Ha4
https://imgur.com/lP4dXXh
Next I sanded away the solder mask until I could see all the traces.
https://imgur.com/ij5uFjB
https://imgur.com/r9SkMsg
I then spent a few hours a day for a week painstakingly going over every single trace and vias. It was amazing practice and by the end I was going back and redoing stuff I did at the start. I started off with 28awg wire but that was too thick so I swapped to 36awg enameled wire.
https://imgur.com/MaLANCk
https://imgur.com/XDDq9O8
Once I was satisfied with all the bodge wires, I reconnected all the components.
https://imgur.com/UFePNA8
And was met with complete failure.
https://imgur.com/XSNUfWD
At this point I had sunk enough time into it that I wasn't going to be deterred. I found a reverse engineered pcb schematic and ordered 5 from jlpcb.
https://imgur.com/JTPPwLz
There were some pad size issues. You can see in the following two pictures that I had to attach the resisters and capacitors at an angle to get them connected. And if you look at the 6 pin chip you'll see that only the center pins line up with the pads. The outer 4 have large blobs to connect them to the corresponding pin. I probed with my multimeter to test for continuity and everything s going where it needs to be.
https://imgur.com/ZTjwvlX
https://imgur.com/eHQEkP5
Then I went through the tedious process of resoldering the rom chip. All together I had to grind away and solder bodge wires to replace 6 lost pins.
https://imgur.com/69wSEmS
Finally with everything all transfered to the new pcb it was time to give it a test.
https://imgur.com/X2vPCnx
I got so excited when I saw that Nintendo logo. But it was once again a failure.
That is where I stand at the moment. My current theories are:

1. one of the other components was blown by the corrosion and is causing the white screen.
2. There are still some broken pins on the ROM chip that are being held in place by the plastic. I really hope this isn't it because that would involve a ton of exploratory grinding.
3. The ROM chip is shot.

For the record, despite how it looks in the pictures, none of the pins are shorting to each other. It's just a bad angle.
So any theories on what's the issue? Does anyone know the values of the capacitors and resistors? I do have a test drive game which uses the same board so I could swap the rom chips to narrow down if it's components or chip but I really don't want to redo those snapped legs. Which is why I'm posting here before taking next steps.

So 3 years ago I purchased a copy of Pokemon Pinball. I was told that all it needs is a cleaning but when I opened it the entire board was covered in corrosion. Completely in over my head, I threw it in a box and moved on with life.
https://imgur.com/KPuBpOL
The other day while looking for something unrelated I came across the game again. With a lot of soldering experience under my belt since I bought it I decided to try and fix it.
First I gave the pcb a white vinegar bath, ipa scrub, and removed all the components. The ROM chip was the most corroded. You can see in the picture that 4 pads were lost but what's not shown is the five pins that broke off the chip itself.
https://imgur.com/lRH2Ha4
https://imgur.com/lP4dXXh
Next I sanded away the solder mask until I could see all the traces.
https://imgur.com/ij5uFjB
https://imgur.com/r9SkMsg
I then spent a few hours a day for a week painstakingly going over every single trace and vias. It was amazing practice and by the end I was going back and redoing stuff I did at the start. I started off with 28awg wire but that was too thick so I swapped to 36awg enameled wire.
https://imgur.com/MaLANCk
https://imgur.com/XDDq9O8
Once I was satisfied with all the bodge wires, I reconnected all the components.
https://imgur.com/UFePNA8
And was met with complete failure.
https://imgur.com/XSNUfWD
At this point I had sunk enough time into it that I wasn't going to be deterred. I found a reverse engineered pcb schematic and ordered 5 from jlpcb.
https://imgur.com/JTPPwLz
There were some pad size issues. You can see in the following two pictures that I had to attach the resisters and capacitors at an angle to get them connected. And if you look at the 6 pin chip you'll see that only the center pins line up with the pads. The outer 4 have large blobs to connect them to the corresponding pin. I probed with my multimeter to test for continuity and everything s going where it needs to be.
https://imgur.com/ZTjwvlX
https://imgur.com/eHQEkP5
Then I went through the tedious process of resoldering the rom chip. All together I had to grind away and solder bodge wires to replace 6 lost pins.
https://imgur.com/69wSEmS
Finally with everything all transfered to the new pcb it was time to give it a test.
https://imgur.com/X2vPCnx
I got so excited when I saw that Nintendo logo. But it was once again a failure.
That is where I stand at the moment. My current theories are:

1. one of the other components was blown by the corrosion and is causing the white screen.
2. There are still some broken pins on the ROM chip that are being held in place by the plastic. I really hope this isn't it because that would involve a ton of exploratory grinding.
3. The ROM chip is shot.

For the record, despite how it looks in the pictures, none of the pins are shorting to each other. It's just a bad angle.
So any theories on what's the issue? Does anyone know the values of the capacitors and resistors? I do have a test drive game which uses the same board so I could swap the rom chips to narrow down if it's components or chip but I really don't want to redo those snapped legs. Which is why I'm posting here before taking next steps.

So I've reached the end game of Dragon's Dogma and have been fighting a lot of dragons. SO many dragons and all the pawns in my merry band are 100% plagued, without question. I don't want to rest in fear of *spoiler* things happening, and I don't want to swap out my other two plagued pawns because I paid a lot of RC for them so I would be prepared for the endgame, so I wouldn't be able to do any shenanigans to unplague my main pawn.
So far I have actually noticed a few changes:

1. My main pawn usually ignores my Wait! command. This doesn't mean too much practically because she's a beast but it was very noticeable in specific boss fights with their massive AOE attacks that destroy you if your too close. It's usually her thats the problem child, since she's the only warrior, so I'm pretty sure her AI is more aggressive than the Thief and Mage support pawns. Spamming the command to just override her AI until she accepts doesn't work, which is a neat detail and goes to show panic spamming the Help command when you get grabbed by large wolf packs doesn't actually do anything.
   
2. My pawns are kind of assholes now. Usually I would immediately throw a pawn off a cliff if I got even a modicum of sass, but again, expensive pawns, so I keep getting these snide remarks about how my orders suck or massive egotistical boasts about their combat prowess. To be fair though, they all so far (except for the mage fuck him; he's just a heal slut that refuses to hit the the slimes all over Battahl that nobody else can hit because physical damage when I dismiss him he's getting a rotten egg as a gift) have the bark to back up their bite. Specifically, the thief who keeps pilfering wakestone shards and wyrmcrystals off enemies and dragons. He's getting a crazy good gift when I dismiss him (assuming the game doesn't auto dismiss them after credits role, I'll find him again in my favorites and give him a wakestone or something).
   

I know that there is a chance for dragonsplagued pawns to commit genocide, but so far, so good on that end. All in all I have found the experience nice; it's interesting to have these new interactions with my pawns. There's only so many times I can hear "I WILL KEEP THAT IN MIND!" or "HEY THERES A CHEST OVER THERE!!! I WONDER HOW WE WILL FUCKING GET IT!!!" (We will not get it, but they'll say it every time anyway) before I want to blow my fucking head off, so it's nice to have some variety.

Hello Everyone! I wanted to say I have appreciated so much of what has been shared here, from personal experiences, remedy recommendations, etc.
I was hoping to ask if anyone knows, is it possible that by me taking too many different types of things to combat stomach pain/nausea be contradicting?
I take daily probiotics, fiber gummies with prebiotics, dicyclomine, activated charcoal, apple cider vinegar gummies, I drink ginger & green tea.
Was thinking about adding on other things like Fennel, Shilajit, peppermint & licorice.
I’m leaving in a few days for a trip to the Philippines and am very very anxious about getting sick, I have some backup meds just in case extreme pain sets in, Ondansetron, Promethazine and Dicyclomine + Pepto Bismol and Imodium for traveler’s diarrhea.
All in all I’m a little nervous about potentially overdoing it by taking all of these things while simultaneously unsure if any of them are canceling each other out (ex: Anti Diarrhea but also Fiber supplements or the Promethazine which can cause constipation) On top of all of this I’m very gassy all the time and would rather not need to constantly run out of the room around my wife’s family while visiting (luckily she is amazing and puts up with it at home lol)
Thank you in advance to anyone who might be able to empathize with me or potentially offer any advice. Appreciate this community so so much.

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

Las Vegas, known for its vibrant nightlife and bustling casinos, is also home to a less glamorous but equally persistent pest: fleas. These tiny, wingless insects are not only a nuisance but also a potential health hazard, capable of infesting homes and causing discomfort to both humans and pets. In this comprehensive guide, we'll delve into the world of fleas pest control in Las Vegas, exploring effective strategies to combat these troublesome critters and reclaim your home.
Understanding Fleas
Fleas are ectoparasites that feed on the blood of mammals and birds. In Las Vegas, they are commonly found infesting homes, particularly those with pets. These pests are known for their remarkable jumping ability, allowing them to easily hitch a ride on unsuspecting hosts and spread throughout the household.
Signs of Infestation
Identifying a flea infestation early is crucial for effective pest control. Common signs include:
Itchy red bites on humans and pets.
Visible fleas or their feces in pet bedding or carpets.
Excessive scratching or grooming behavior in pets.
The Importance of Professional Pest Control in Las Vegas
While DIY methods may provide temporary relief, professional Fleas Pest Control In Las Vegas offers a more comprehensive and long-lasting solution. Trained technicians have the expertise and tools to accurately assess the extent of the infestation and implement targeted treatment strategies.
Integrated Pest Management (IPM)
Integrated Pest Management (IPM) is a holistic approach to pest control that emphasizes prevention, monitoring, and targeted interventions. In the case of fleas, IPM may involve:
Inspecting the property for flea hotspots.
Treating affected areas with insecticides.
Implementing preventive measures to deter future infestations.
Effective Fleas Pest Control Strategies
In Las Vegas, where flea infestations can be particularly stubborn, it's essential to employ a combination of preventive and treatment measures to eradicate these pests effectively.
Vacuuming and Cleaning
Regular vacuuming and thorough cleaning of carpets, upholstery, and pet bedding can help remove flea eggs, larvae, and adults from your home. Be sure to dispose of the vacuum bag or empty the canister promptly to prevent fleas from re-infesting the area.
Pet Treatments
Pets are often the primary carriers of fleas, so it's essential to implement preventive measures to protect them from infestations. Consult with your veterinarian about flea control products such as spot-on treatments, oral medications, or flea collars that are safe and effective for your pets.
Environmental Treatments
Treating the environment is crucial for long-term fleas pest control in Las Vegas. Insecticides specifically formulated for flea control can be applied to indoor and outdoor areas where fleas are likely to breed, such as carpets, pet bedding, and outdoor resting areas.
Choosing a Pest Control Provider in Las Vegas
When selecting a pest control provider in Las Vegas, it's essential to choose a reputable company with experience in flea eradication. Consider the following factors:
Licensing and certification: Ensure that the company is licensed and certified to perform pest control services in Nevada.
Experience: Look for a company with a proven track record of successfully treating flea infestations in residential properties.
Treatment methods: Inquire about the pest control methods and products used, ensuring they are safe and effective for your family and pets.
Preventing Future Infestations
Once fleas have been eradicated from your home, it's crucial to implement preventive measures to avoid future infestations. Here are some tips:
Regularly groom and bathe your pets to remove fleas and prevent re-infestation.
Wash pet bedding and blankets in hot water regularly to kill fleas and their eggs.
Maintain a clean and clutter-free environment to minimize hiding spots for fleas.
By following these proactive steps and partnering with a reputable pest control provider, you can effectively manage flea infestations and enjoy a pest-free home in Las Vegas.