1. the story

The house belongs to a mundane, judging by the lack of obvious magic inside. It’s a cute little curbside two-storey house and no one turns to look when Nicholas bangs on the windows and screams.
The perimeter is warded, or the house itself is charmed, or something, Nicholas doesn't know. He can't leave the building, not through a door or window or even breaking a wall down by swinging progressively heavier furniture at it for three hours.
They might not even be in Chile anymore since he can’t see the floating island through the windows, and he doesn’t know how long he was unconscious. The man could have moved him pretty far.
The man is another Lambros, just from his colouring and that unfairly beautiful face despite how ragged he looks. His hair is longer though, a short beard too, the limp, and healed over scars peeking out from a dark-coloured jumper and jacket combo that’s probably not expensive enough for Stavros to look twice at.
Nicholas knows Stavros has an older brother who ‘disappeared’ but he wouldn’t be this old, would he? The man must be a part of the family though, he looks so much like Stavros.
"I am Stavros," Lambros explains, sitting across the room at the dining table because Nicholas screams at him when he gets too close.
Nicholas is curled up on the furthest end of the couch, knees tucked up and shoulders hunched. "Fuck you."
"I'm an older Stavros," Lambros continues with all the force of an obnoxious Stavros trying to force an argument he knows he's going to win only out of sheer stubbornness. "You're dead, and I’m going to stop that from happening again."
"Adam's dead because you’re a psycho," Nicholas snaps back.
"Let me start from the beginning," Lambros dismisses. "Okay, so Haochen Xia started killing the other high mages and soon moved on to the heritage-“
Nicholas’ brain stutters to a halt. “Sorry, what?”
“-we fought, because of course we had to. You got a bit of a reputation for clever spellwork.” Lambros pauses and takes a deep breath. “Until you faced Xia himself. Luca was taken into hiding in the mundane population like other heirs, because Xia was using heritage children’s blood to gain access to family magics and grimoires to grow stronger.”
Nicholas laughs, incredulous. “High mage or no, Xia would be torn apart if he tried.”
“Luca was a teenager when someone identified him on the street since he’s the spitting image of you,” Lambros continues. “Luca escaped the attack by breaking the block on his magic but lost his adoptive mothers. He was taken to the island to learn but Xia came back for him and-“
“Wait, wait,” Nicholas splutters, unfolding his legs to lean forward. “Luca is…?”
“Your son,” Lambros says with an amused huff. “He was the final defence for the Ayads. It was just your family holding out along with a few others…and mine, I guess. Um, Aeneas killed himself when he was caught by Xia so it went to me but I was...I was stuck somewhere else.”
Nicholas folds over with his elbows on his knees, hands over his mouth, eyes wide. “I have a son?”
“Okay, I know you’re focusing on the easy part because you’re panicking right now,” Lambros says gently. “But you can compartmentalise after I tell you the story.”
“How old is Luca?”
“Nicholas-”
“Does he have glasses too?”
“Nicky.”
...
After a late lunch, Nicholas smashes the plate over Lambros' head and dives for his sleeve when the man is still stumbling. Nothing. There's no apprentice wand, nothing holstered.
"What did you do to my wand?!" Nicholas cries in outrage.
Lambros crash-tackles him to the floor and Nicholas spits out curses as he struggles but honestly, his Stavros can take Nicholas any day so fighting one who's larger, heavier and now with guerrilla warfare training wasn't the best idea.
It’s not even a fight really because Lambros holds Nicholas down until he’s calm again and then releases him so Nicholas can slink off, upset and unable to do anything about it.
He doesn’t actually want to believe Lambros is Stavros but Nicholas has been kidnapped before, being the Ayad heir. He has tracking spells inked into his skin, and ritual diagrams etched into his ribs to send out distress alarms or to whisk him away out of most wards and drop him right into his home in Egypt.
The only people who know are Nicholas’ parents and of course he told his three best friends everything. So how is it that by the time Nicholas woke up here, the ink had already been disabled? That he can’t feel magic pulsing in his chest anymore? Either Lambros is a great curse breaker or he knows exactly how to unravel the spells.
...
Lambros makes Nicholas pancakes with smiley faces for dinner and Nicholas eats slowly. Then he drinks half the bottle of syrup and vibrates in his seat while Lambros cleans up because this is as close to self-medicating as he can get.
"Does Luca like playing Loops?" Nicholas asks, eyes wide and leaning forward, now sitting across from Lambros at the table as the man tries to continue the explanation in more detail. "What class does he like best?"
"I'm-" Lambros cuts himself off, looking exhausted. He already looked tired and ragged at the start but wherever he goes when he’s not in the house is really starting to drain him. "Okay, I love Luca too but listen when I'm explaining how Xia can steal souls and the magical cores inside."
"Why do I care about a war? I'm already dead by then," Nicholas scoffs. And Adam is dead too and Rafael is tortured and Stavros is- "Now how cute is Luca? Because my baby boy must be very cute."
Lambros takes a deep breath and just lets it be. "Luca is very cute – he does that thing you do when you tilt your head and your hair flops over."
Nicholas coos, reaching out to the air like he's squishing someone's face.
"So Xia takes over the high mage council when Luca is a year-eleven -"
"Does he win?" Nicholas demands.
"What – does Xia win-?"
"No, does Luca win the duelling tournament you mentioned?"
"Nicholas," Lambros groans. "Nicky please, please can you focus right now? This is important. You need to listen. I can tell you everything about Luca later, okay? Right now we need to focus."
"Okay," Nicholas sighs theatrically and then side-eyes Lambros. "Fine. I just…you know, as his honorary uncle I thought you'd be a little more inclined-"
"I'm trying to stop you from dying!" Lambros snaps. "You are going to live until you're fucking three hundred, Nicholas! You're going to have all the cute babies you want and Xia is going to be dead and not hunting your son so focus!"
Nicholas purses his lips and looks away, bored.
Lambros grits his teeth. "Yes, Luca wins. He manages to defeat all the people Xia planted to try and kill him – which is why you need to listen."
Nicholas sits up straight. "Well, why didn't you lead with that?"
"Vlakas,” Lambros hisses, resorting to Greek. “Nicholas, I'm really going to hit you this time.”
“Go for it,” Nichola spits out. “Just – just do it! Hit me then. Why are you being so nice like that changes the fact you murdered my friend?! Why are we playing house if the entire future for mages is apparently fucked anyway no matter what you tell me? You think we can fight a high mage-?”
Lambros jerks forward and Nicholas rears back but his chair sticks long enough for Lambros to grab fistfuls of his shirt and drag him forward over the table. Nicholas ducks his head, grabbing Lambros’ wrists, but freezes when he feels a kiss to his forehead.
“I know,” Lambros murmurs. “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see what happened to Adam but I didn’t know you were so close by.”
Nicholas feels Lambros curl over him and squeezes his eyes shut but they still sting.
“It’s a lot. Everything, it’s…” Lambros trails off. “I’m dealing with it, but if something happens to me, I need you to know so you can avoid certain things.”
“Can we talk about something else for now?” Nicholas rasps. “Literally – fucking – anything else except for how miserable everything is?”
...
Nicholas is hiding under the bed, breathing heavily and about to throw a tantrum because it's been days since he was kidnapped and Lambros looks so similar, acts so familiar that it would be so easy to just pretend.
Nicholas could fight back. Really fight back, not this...this half-hearted rejection. He could play up the soft Nicky angle, get in close, grab any one of the numerous weapons around him and just gut the man. Turn into Rito and break a few ribs.
Nicholas could, but that's Stavros' face and his smiles. And Nicholas has always been so weak to the people he loves.
Lambros is lying on the carpet of the bedroom, on his stomach like Nicholas, peering under the bed with his head pillowed on his arms. He looks just as tired as usual but happier, like he always is when he spends time with Nicholas. Even when they’re arguing, Lambros starts looking like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.
"Luca looks just like you, you know,” Lambros says. “He also plays Loops as a striker."
"It doesn't help," Nicholas chokes out, eyes burning as they turn shiny with tears. "However many stories you have - it doesn't make me forget Adam is dead. That you killed him."
"Adam is the one who sets up your death,” Lambros finally admits. “He was trying to kill me but – it was spite and he’s a pathetic fucking-“ He cuts himself off with a grimace.
Nicholas rears back in shock. “What? Why would he do that? What did you do?”
“He got in contact with one of Xia’s disciples and told them about the ambush we set up,” Lambros explains. “My team was expecting six, they came as three dozen. Your team…you faced Xia himself.”
“What did you do?”
“Does it matter when I didn’t hurt you or Raffy?” Lambros asks softly. "Come on, Nicky, don't cry. I hate it when you cry. Please be angry again."
Nicholas sniffles, curling up tighter. "I want to leave. You told me the story, now I want to leave."
"Soon," Lambros reassures, stretching out a hand. "Soon, okay?"
"You liar," Nicholas mumbles, staring at the hand and wanting. "Ross uses that voice when he lies to me."
Lambros says nothing.
"Are you ever letting me go?" Nicholas demands.
"I'm…debating hiding you away somewhere safe," Lambros answers honestly, letting his hand drop to the carpet still halfway between them. "But then, you know, I'd have to bring Raffy along too and that's taking some planning. He’s a lot less trusting than you and I know he’ll put up a real fight."
Nicholas starts crying. He's getting sick of crying and Lambros is looking at him so softly, with so much love.
Nicholas crawls out from under the bed and into Lambros’ arms and doesn’t think about Adam. Lambros’ hands shake but they hold him so tightly.
...
"What are we doing?" Stavros hisses as Rafael drags him towards the quiet courtyard near the forest and then into Thoth’s makeshift kennel. They practically took every shortcut down here, including the mirror one that Stavros hates going through because everyone comes out damp. "Is something wrong with Thoth?"
"I put a tracking spell on Nicholas, after the first kidnapping attempt," Rafael says, dropping Stavros' arm to cross his own. "I - because the other more common spells aren't working."
Stavros looks around the converted classroom, searching for a ritual diagram or a half-baked spell Rafael cobbled together. Uncommon usually means Rafael read it in a weird book and shit is about to get wild. "So you'll cast it in here?"
"I don't know if I should," Rafael mutters. "It's…a bad one."
"Illegal?" Stavros scoffs dismissively. He’s the one who gets Rafael books from the Lambros family library - Stavros knows illegal. "Show me the spell, I'll do it." He starts putting his hair up into a ponytail with the band he always has on his wrist, expecting this to get messy.
"It is illegal but that's not the problem," Rafael explains. "It's strong enough to get around most warding but it was made to hunt down run-away brides way back when…and it's going to hurt Nicholas."
"Do it," Stavros says immediately because no one else is doing anything worthwhile.
Nicholas' parents are losing their minds at their son being snatched away and the magpol are back to investigate – only a few days after they left the forest and being just as useless. Some of the heritage have had polite conversations with Stavros, trying to get more gossip, and he knows Rafael has been getting poked at by his study group too.
Rafael only frowns.
"Hurt how?" Stavros gives in. "Like when he stubbed his toe once and complained for the next three days?"
"More like when he fell off the rings playing Loops, broke his shoulder blade and he passed out, so you had to catch him mid-air and then ran him to the hospital wing in a panic."
Stavros still remembers Nicholas screaming. "That's…fine."
Rafael raises an eyebrow.
Stavros tries again, with more hollow confidence. "That's fine. Nicholas is a big boy, he can take it. Do the spell, find him in a couple of minutes, stop the tracking, and go get him. Easy."
"The counter curse needs to be applied to the person," Rafael explains. "So it's going to hurt until we get to him. And it's illegal so we can't exactly just leave it to the magpol to go, it would have to be us, and we don't know how to port – which we would have to do because Transverse travel is logged. And what if there are strong enough wards to keep us out regardless?"
Stavros sighs. "Okay, that's plan K."
"We're already on plan J," Rafael reminds him.
"Let’s just pretend it isn’t all going to shit, okay?"
Rafael slumps, looking a bit limp now that they don’t have a plan again.
Stavros takes a deep breath and lurches forward, wrapping around the beanpole and squeezing. “Nicky knows how to make people love him,” he says confidently, shaking Rafael around because if the boy is annoyed, at least he’s not looking lost. “What’s reverse Stockholm Syndrome again?”
“Lima,” Rafael deadpans, just flopping as he’s harassed, but then he really thinks about it. “Do you…think he’s that good?”
“I think if he’s trying, he’ll be back any moment now!”
...
Nicholas is lying on the couch, head tipped so far back that he's staring at Lambros upside down. "Hey, remember that time I caught you jerking off and you were doing it wrong?"
Lambros is standing hunched over a map spread over the dining table, jaw clenched, hands flat on the table otherwise he'd strangle Nicholas.
"Hey," Nicholas drawls, propping up one knee and flinging the other leg over casually. "Remember that time you kissed Danny and he threw up on you and then you got the stomach bug as well?"
"Nicky," Lambros begins.
"Hey," Nicholas chuckles. "Remember-"
"Nicholas, I don't like hitting kids but trust me, I'm going to enjoy punching you in the fucking face," Lambros grits out. "I forgot how annoying you could be."
Nicholas hums smugly. "Hey, remember when-"
Lambros lurches around the table and Nicholas throws himself off the couch. Even with a permanent limp now, Lambros is still fast and right on Nicholas’ heels as they sprint upstairs. Nicholas hits the top and grabs the small bookcase prepared earlier, shoving it down the stairs. Just knock out Lambros and then Nicholas can-
Lambros catches it with a grunt. Nicholas panics and flings himself off the top step, landing on the slanted bookcase, and then all three of them go tumbling down together.
Unfortunately, Stavros has always known how to take a hit and Nicholas ends up being the one with the sprained wrist – which Lambros pettily refuses to fix.
That's fine, the pain just fuels Nicholas.
...
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Written cards: x6
Blank cards: x16
Letters: x1
Thank you u/sugarmagandjohn for this incredibly kind and sweet parcel of love <3 it's a lot, and it will be a long post, so I will do my best to make it look as orderly as possible :)
You can see the mail here (close-up shots will be included later on in the post!): https://imgur.com/a/irYnTaA
The parcel/packaging:
The mail came packaged in a brown wrapper, and was decked out in stickers!
You can see how it looks here: https://imgur.com/a/HDa0H2e
Theres a white square of paper in the bottom left, which you used to write down the addresses ~ on top of it, there's a salmon coloured line, and the address is adorned by summer-like stickers of flowers and summer-themed items! In the bottom left, there's a sticker of a pink leaf branch, along with a pink and an eggwhite flower! To the left, there's a purple sticker with golden lettering reading; "Always be kind & brave". On the top left, there's a massive sticker of massive blue letters reading: "Sweet summer", along with a pineapple, a watermelon slice, and a yellow flower :)
To the right of the parcel, you added a massive sticker with pink, peach and red letters, reading: "Spread more happiness & love", which is accompanied by a pink and orange butterfly, a bloodorange flower, as well as two stamp-stickers, showcasing roses and a sun with a face :D theres also a lot of gold details, which is super neat! At last, is a single green flower, which matches the style of the other flowers! The colours are sweet and fun, and I love the vibrancy!! The fun colours continue on the sides of the parcel~
You attached a thick strip of decorative tape along the side of the parcel, which reaches 3 seperate sides :) the tape is white, with pastel squares of pink, blue and yellow, going in a repeating pattern.
Along the tape are various fun illustrations of small scenes: theres two flamingos hanging out next to a beach chair and a striped parasol, a pretty display of a coconut drink, along with a pair of sunglasses and a fruity drink, an orca being pulled up by a bunch of balloons (with an airballoon behind it), and a massiv display of various fruity drinks! They're all watercoloured with fresh, slight pastel-y colours, and there's a bunch of stars scattered about, and cursive writings, spelling out things such as: "Hope", "Enjoy! Summer paradise!" And "yolo".
At the ends of the tape are two seperate stickers: one is a pink oval, with a white flower, and darker pink + orange writing that reads: "I do believe it's time for another adventure" - the other sticker features a tricolour rainbow of orange, pink and hot pink, with white text that reads: "radiate positivity".
Inside the wrapper, is a white box! It has been tied shut with a green ribbon, sporting a pretty bow on top :) underneath the ribbon is a square white sticker with a gold border, as well as gold writing spelling out: "you have magic within you", so cute!! On the side of the box (at the front) you placed a bunch of stickers with pale blue and pink backgrouds ~ the stickers feature: a sunflower, a white butterfly, various leaf branches, daisies, white flowers and yellow flowers! It looks adorable, and the soft flower designs compliment the box neatly :D
When opening the box, the inside is a sort of pale Russian blue colour (like jean), and there's white cursive text on the flap (along with plant detailing) and it reads: "Smile, you are beautiful" :)
The content:
I'll be sorting the content into various categories: written cards and letters, blank cards, ephemera and stickers, food items (includes tea) and items! It won't be completely accurate, like for example; you include stickers in a card in an envelope, I'll likely describe the stickers in the written card section, just to keep the items together in their rightful place :)
Written cards and letters:
Some of these cards are together with certain items, like for example a wallet card, which I will mention later on, rather in this section. However; along with that card, there's 6 written cards and one letter :) and you can see them here: https://imgur.com/a/lRvXUVS
As for the letter - it was inside a white envelope with watercoloured flowers going along the bottom. They've got gold details, and there's also butterflies flying above :) in the top right corner, you placed an off-white circle-shaped sticker, with a half wreath of leafed branches, yellow flowers, and a golden bow. In the middle, you placed a sticker of Winnie the Pooh, sporting a green bowler hat and a green bowtie :) the same flowers are also on the back, and the flap has a golden border - you also sealed the flap using another Winnie the Pooh sticker (though this one is wearing a red bowtie). Inside was a letter, a card, and 6 Winnie the Pooh stickers! The letter is dark blue, with gold illustrations of butterflies and flowers~
The card features an illustration of the Winnie the Pooh gang in a forest, and you decorated the card beautifully with washi tape and stickers, and wrote with both a black, orange and purple pen, matching the design :D you placed a sticker at the top of a long row of flowers, along with 3 yellow flowers in the top right corner 🌼 at the bottom, you placed a thin pink strip of washi tape, with golden birds on it 🦜 above it is a sticker featuring a row of poppies! In the bottom left corner, you placed a sticker of lavender, and in the bottom right corner, you placed a sticker of yellow flowers, as well as a blue flower!
Inside of a parcel (which i talk about later) there was a gorgeous postcard of what I believe is a native American chief, holding a pole for a bald Eagle to land on ~ the colours are really pretty, as well as the illustration itself 🦅 the artist is Lew Martin from the Shoshone-Bannock Tribes of Fort Hall, Idaho! On the backside, you added a sticker of a yellow daisy in the top right corner 🌼
You also included a Californian postcard, which showcases illustrations of various Californian plants, items, places and animals! The card itself is white with rounded corners, and the illustrations are really pretty :D the backside is gorgeously and colourfully decorated with variously coloured pens (orange, yellow, blue, green, purple, red, turquoise and pink), as well as stickers and washi~ there's a thin strip of pink washi tape, running along the bottom, with gold details - in the bottom left corner, you added a sticker of a bunny cake, and in the bottom right corner, there's a sticker of a girl playing a guitar, next to a bear carrying a letter! In the top left corner, there's colourful stickers of various shapes, one being a music note - in the top middle, there's a massive sun sticker, and in the top right corner, you put a stamp sticker with roses on it 🌹
You wrote a bunch of song recommendations, and also included a song that was written for you!! Thats super cool :D the artist is Icelandic, no? Some of the titles of their songs are written in Icelandic at least, which, despite how different they look, is very similar to norwegian (it is technically just very old norwegian, before Norway was taken by Denmark and Sweden for all those years lol). It's a really pretty song, and it now makes me curious as to how it came about :)
The next card is really peculiar - it was inside a brown envelope, that you had decorated with a sticker of a tulip (held together by a pink bow, and there's also this golden/holographic tulip and butterfly attached too). On top of it, you wrote my name with these shiny black diamond beads :o
The flap was sealed by a thin blue washi strip with golden dots on it - as well as a sticker of flowers popping out of an envelope, and a yellow rectangle sticker with "hello beautiful" written on it in bronze cursive letters! Attached to the envelope is a note - it explains what this card is, and it's called a milagro (a little miracle or offering) which represents love, healing and gratitude 💛
The card is of the same brown colour as the envelope, and there's a red rope tied around it with a silvemetal heart charm attached to it! You decorated the inside with glitter pens (pink, green, orange and blue), as well as stickers of red flowers and shiny red hearts~ The message inside is just... so sweet. I dont really have the right words for it, but thank you, sincerely ❤
The final written card came in a baby blue envelope 💙 in the middle, you placed colourful letter stickers to spell out: "Happy summer JJ", and surrounding that message are a bunch of summer-themed stickers: a watermelon, sandals (or thongs if you're Australian), papaya, orange, strawberries, sunglasses, flowers and leaves, lemon and lime, a bathing suit and a sun hat! The flap is sealed with a fitting sun sticker ☀️
The card inside is a pop-up card :D the front design is striped with orange, yellow, white and blue imperfect stripes ~ there's also silver circles in random spots, and a big white circle in the middle with "Have a happy summer" written in the center in silver cursive lettering! Surrounding the words, are various illustrations: a guitar, waves, starfish, sandals, watermelon, an icecream and a sunhat!
The inside is a shiny blue - there's seagulls in the sky (along with "Have a happy summer!" Written in the top right corner) and fish in the sea (along with an ice cream sticker you stuck there) and in the middle of the ocean is a pop-up beach, with people ready to surf/sunbathe, along with one fella snorkling 🤿 the backside has the same design as the front, but instead of the "have a happy summer" and summer illustrations in the white circle, it has been replaced by that snorkeling fella :) theres also a blue piece of paper stuck to the bag, to give you more space for writing! You included a long pink sticker with white dots, sort of at the top, on the first page; and on top of that, you added a long shiny sticker with "always shine bright" written on it!
On the blue page (the first side) you placed a giant sticker of colourful letters reading: "sunshine", along with a pair of sunglasses, an ice cream and a san-x character having an icecream - there's also 3 long stickers, stacked on top of each other, with various patterns: yellow with gold dots, pink with lemon slices and multicoloured stripes!
On the final page, you attached a sticker of a bundle of flowers, as well as 3 puffy stickers of a red heart, a colourful 'love' and a happy pink flower :)
Blank cards:
Check 'em out!: https://imgur.com/a/in3fGs8
All of the blank cards (save for one) was located inside a Rilakkuma inspired zipper bag! The bag is white, with various illustrations of the Rilakkuma characters enjoying various treats :)
Inside, the cards were placed in another plastic bag ~ this bag is blue! It has white and gold stars on it, and a yellow sticky note (with the Rilakkuma bears on it) with a note from you :) the flap was sealed by a multicoloured butterfly sticker 🦋
There were 15 blank cards inside + a postcard sized decorative paper!
The decorative paper was split in two, with a rustic side with a dream catcher (as well as the words: "Dream on" on it) and the other side was white, with pink illustrated flowers!
5 of the cards were shaped cards, and among them were: a pink cupcake with gold details, a kitten in a pink cup, a golden hamster, a half-burned letter adorned by a white flower and a cog, and another half-burned letter adorned by flowers, and this little rabbit fella, playing a cello!
There was another blank card, which wasn't in this bundle (but among a gifted item) - it was a white postcard, featuring an illustration of a dream catcher, which has a flower in the center, and is being appreciated by a hummingbird :) the illustrator is Lew Martin, who is a member of the Shoshone-Bannock Tribes of Fort Hall, Idaho! It is really pretty, thank you <3
As for the rest of the cards, we've got: an image of some old bookspines (love the rustic style), a photograph of the Surveyor 1 rover seeing its own shadow on the moon (1966), an illustration of wild pine apples and stevensonia + other palms in Praslin, an illustration of a couple kissing underneath trailing vines (which look a bit like heart-leaf philodendrons, or a type of pothos), a postcard from Rocky Mountain national park, an illustration of a cat curled in on itself, a painting by William Waterhouse (called "the bouquet"), a painting called "simultaneous windows onto the city" (1912), a painting by Claude Monet called "Jeanne in the garden" (1867), and a postcard from Montana, featuring a mule deer :D
They're all super gorgeous, fun and im really excited to use them!! I love the variety :) thank you <3
Snacks:
Pictures: https://imgur.com/a/kFgBqkS
The first snack i picked up, was placed inside a little baggie, which has a gorgeous design with a soft blue background, along with white dots, bows and squiggles ~ on top of the blueness, are variously coloured squares, which are upright in a diamond shape, fitted with variously coloured flowers, leaves and pattern designs that remind me of Japanese designs! The flap is sealed by a sticker of the Rilakkuma characters enjoying a hearty meal :D
Inside was a chocolate bar ~ the packing is a soft pink/lavender, and it is a 'black mission fig tuscan sage orchard rosemary' bar of dark chocolate :o the design of the actual chocolate bar is super cool, as it contains rosemary and nuts, which shows through quite clearly on the back of the bar - the front has the logo printed on in big block letters: https://imgur.com/a/w46270A
The taste is very intriguing! It reminds me of a teaparty in a whimsical garden :) thank you for sharing <3
There was a second chocolate bar in here too - this one is called 'Tony's chocolonely' and comes in a bold red, blue, white and yellow design, which is quite fun to look at! It's a milk chocolate, which features a really cool design with an odd geometrical pattern on the bar itself, aswell as the logo imprinted, slanted, in the middle of the oddly placed chunks! I like that a lot :D it's fun when designs are a bit funky!! I find it hard to find good milk chocolate abroad, but this one was super tasty~
You also included tea! The tea was inside a brown paperbag, with an illustration of Winnie the Pooh, flying around with a red balloon, and accompanied by bees, as well as these words: "I love you beary much. Dream big little one." ~ Piglet is being all adorable on the backside of this bag :) the bag had a shiny green paperclip attached to it, and the flap was sealed with a sticker of the Rilakkuma bears + chick, drinking tea - and you also included the quote: "Tea is like a warm hug in a cup..." :D super cute!!
There were 3 teabags inside ~ one is the brand satsumarché, although i can't tell what flavour it is, or what kind of tea it is, but it came in a cute pink bag :) the second tea is called 'Dragon Eye - Oolong tea' from a tea brand called revolution! The final bag is called 'Sweet Dreams', which is a herbal tea, and has a cute blue design with stars and the moon~ I am incredibly stoked to try these out!! Thank you :D
Ephmera and stickers:
Check them out here: https://imgur.com/a/pWCeGZQ
The first thing I picked up was an origami heart! It is red with illustrated flowers in pink, green, white and yellow colours ~ it also has gold details, which is very pretty :)
You also gifted me a pusheen note (with a pastel pink and white striped background, and pusheen wearing sunglasses) - you included a stick-it note (with a message written in a blue pen) and you're right, I did give that to you! You filled in the blanks at the back, which is genuinely so sweet :,)
Some stickers you included were: a pack of sushi stickers, with a cool texture and gold borders, stickers of famous paintings (some of which are sectioned into different puzzle pieces, which is really cool), a vinyl sticker of a wolf, standing on a cliff in front of the moon (and it is shaped like a cd, or a vinyl).
You also gave me like.... so many sticker sheets, holy moly! Theres 11 of them, so heres what they feature: pastel hearts (going from pink to blue), three sheets are filled with Sumikkogurashi characters, another three sheets featuring a bunch of kitties (doing various... kitty things?), another sheet is filled with tulips, one contains stickers of cats, and this cute girl, a sheet filled with instruments (which are framed, have gold details and also are layered, so they're neatly textured) and the last sheet has these characters on it that I KNOW that I know, but I can't remember the name... anyway, it features a bunch of unicorns and pegasus' which is rad 🦄
You created a makeshift bag/envelope, using this black decorative paper, which is decked out in colourful electric guitars, and taped shut by colourfully striped washi tape, which has golden cursive lettering that read: "celebrate", "hooray!", "cheers", "make a wish" and "let's party".
Inside are a variety of stickers and other treats! The non-stickers are: a purple origami heart with gold details and variously coloured flowers, a gemstone playing card (which features a jade), and a pocket card! It features a sweet text, as well as the words "im sending you a hug today", which is cute <3 it has flowers on it, as well as a colourful border! On the backside, you attached a sticker of red flowers, a strip of washi tape (pale blue, with an arrangement of flowers on it) and a shiny red heart sticker ❤ i called it a pocket card, but it is also known as a wallet card, and I wouldn't have known about it if it weren't for this sub hah
As for the stickers, you gifted me these: a square sticker featuring an illustration of a cat, tucking in another cat, a teddy bear, a circle-shaped sticker with a bear, a mini polaroid picture, a square plaid sticker, a bunny in a watering can, the texts: "don't worry, be :)" (the smiley face in place of the word 'happy'), an illustration of a hearty meal in a lunchbox, a circle-shaped sticker of an illustration of various Arctic animals (and the text: "save the Arctic"), a cat biking, the mandalorian grogu, a colourful record player, a guitar with "music is my second language" written along it, a cat surrounded by a bunch of snacks (and it has its paw lifted up, like those lucky cats!), a camera and a coffee mug, a green heart, hello kitty, a sort of ninetails character (unsure if it is a specific one, but it is very cute), a guitar, along with a lightning bolt, music note, and those little pixel squares that show up on soundboards to show how high the volume is, the red text "rock n' roll", two stickers of this kiddo with turquoise hair (sanrio character?), 4 rainbow coloured icecreams with gold details, two sanrio characters, a butterfly with cursive text next to it, a shiny California sticker featuring a beaver (carmel by the sea), a foam sticker of a yellow fella eating a dumpling i think? And at last, this one isn't a sticker, but it is a pink bunny holding a red apple :) they're all super cool and fun, thank you so much <3
And finally, you included origami paper :) theres 20 sheets: 4 are blue and glittery, with stars (and the same design, but silver at the back), then another 4 are the same, just pink. Then there's 5 silver ones, which are just silver through and through! You included 2 galaxy ones, as well as a yellow and pink version of the galaxy theme (which shows off zodiac signs). Then there's a white one with a bunch of stars on it, which is the same on the back, except the stars are bigger and multicoloured :) the final two feature space hedgehogs >:) 🦔🚀 one has a blue background, with two hedgehogs inside a spaceship, and surrounded by popcorn and gold stars! The second one is black, with some space hedgehogs, gold stars and random candy floating around them ~ it's super cute :D
Items:
You can see them here!: https://imgur.com/a/mmiIUk0
The very first thing I picked up from the box, was a gorgeous green notebook! It is illustrated with blue flowers and green vines, which jump out of the cover, giving it a nice textural feel ~ it is also super shiny :D the side is magnetic, so it clasps together and holds nicely. You attached a Sumikkogurashi sticky note to it (it is a pale orange and white striped square, with rounded edges, and an illustration of the characters in the bottom right corner) - you wrote "Open me for message :)" in a red felt pen!
Inside were two notes: one is shaped like a bouquet of flowers, and you can open up the flaps of the cellophane, which revealed a sweet message from you <3 there was also a mini polaroid-like picture of a piano that has been overgrown by plants, and you attached a Rilakkuma sticky-note to it, asking me to read the message on the back. The message was written in a blue and green pen - of course I've heard of Take on me by A-ha! A-ha is a Norwegian pop group, with Morten Harket as the lead singer - I would have to live under a rock to never have heard any of their songs haha :D in fact, i remember my teachers putting on their music videos in class back in primary~ take on me also became a meme at some point, so there's that :) the music videos art far surpasses my art skills, but I appreciate the super sweet message nonetheless <3
Also, there was a second sticky-note on the card, which was a pink circle with a faint illustration of the Rilakkuma characters in the background :)
The second item i picked up, was wrapped up in brown parchment paper, and tied together by this yellow elastic band ~ on top of it were 3 colourful butterfly stickers, with holographic edges, and they're also 3D, which is so fun :D
Inside was a gorgeous dream catcher, as well as two cards! One of the cards were blank (I mentioned it in the 'blank cards' section) and it had a white and blue sticky-note on it, with a message written in orange, giving me the option to keep or use the card :)
The second card I mentioned in the 'written card' section!
The dream catcher is a gorgeous burgundy colour, with matching feathers and pearls - it's handmade, by you!! Thats amazing!! It's genuinely the nicest thing anyone ever done for me, and im honoured by all the effort and thought you've put into it :,D you've always made me amazing and thoughtful gifts, like the sage, the protective bundle, the stitched heart, and so on, and it makes me feel so touched every time :,) I really really love this, and I will cherish it forever (I raved about it to my friends, because I had to, and they thought it was stunning!) I hope I can make you something equally as sweet one day, because you 100% deserve it <3 thank you!
Continuing on, let me mention all of the various stick-it notes you gifted me: there was this tiny pink book, which had tree pages filled with various stick-it notes (mostly a sort of dirty pastel, or like... dark pastel?? It's some pretty colour combinations anyhow haha) they're index tags, circles, parts of a notebook note, as well as a to do list! Then there's were two Sumikkogurashi notes ~ one is shaped like this character, that's dressed up as a cat! The other one is oval, pink, and features the whole cast (I think) of characters :) they're super cute <3 next up are Rilakkuma index sticky-notes! They've got the characters in a bee-themed set-up, with the white notes decked out in yellow dots, yellow borders, as well as an odd-one-out with a blue lime, and pink text that reads: "Rilakkuma meets honey" :)
Onwards, there's this tiny book, honestly, it's shaped like a very short coffin lol ~ it is very pink, and features a penguin, squished by a bunch of books! Inside are more stick-it notes - these ones are pink, with white lines (turning the pink into variously shaped squares) and white + pink flowers! At last, you included a clear plastic bag with the red cursive words reading: "so sweet <3", which contained two stick-it notes: a mug with a heart on it, and a red kettle with a gray tabby inside 🐈 ☕ thank you so much for all of these wonderful sticky notes! They're quite handy now that school is up and about :)
Speaking of fitting school supplies, you gifted me glitter highlighters?? I didn't even know they existed!! They came in an off-white paper bag, with an illustration of a grey cat, along with pink flowers and some Japanese characters ~ the flap was sealed by a strip of clear plastic tape with yellow flowers on it, along with a circle-shaped sticker with an orange flower, and a sticker of a bear + a sticker of a bunny, both holding a bundle of flowers :)
The glitter highlighters come from the brand kirarich, and they've got waterproof pigment ink! You put a sticker of cherry blossoms on the sealed flap for the plastic casing 🌸 the highlighters are awesome, and I hecking loooooove that they're glittery!! Truly a great human invention, if glitter wasn't so detrimental to the environment, but I can't help but loving it either way :,)
Next up, i picked up a small pastel purple paperbag - it features an adorable pastel illustration of a mouse kingdom! With balloons, a castle, and a little mouse royalty, being offered a variety of treats :) you sealed the flap with a music note washi tape, and also wrote a message on the back! Included was a golden French bulldog shaped paperclip 🐕
Inside were 6 yellow guitar picks, as well as a keychain with an illustration of a beach during a sunset/sunrise (the sky is red on one side, blue on the other) and 'California' written over it (as well as 'rock star' on one side) ~ and at last, a vinyl sticker of a French bulldog playing an electric guitar! Quite a combination i say :D it's all genuinely so charming, and I will have enough guitar picks for a lifetime 😎
Now, this next item is related to the highlighters ~ that much is mentioned in a bouquet-shaped note, attached to the bronze coloured elastic band, which holds together the packaging (a shiny pink and peach coloured wrapping, with rose-shaped cutouts at the edges). Inside was a pencil case :D it is a deep blue, with yellow lemons and green leaves on it, and a few Rilakkuma characters perched on top of the lemons - the zipper is golden, and the inside is a lemony yellow, with a few lemon illustrations scattered here and there :) it is super cute, and I've already put the highlighters in! Thank you!!
You included a second plastic ziplock bag, this time it is based on the sanrio characters (which are illustrated as food items on the front), while the back is pink and glittery - it is a lot of fun :D
There were a bunch of stuff inside, like some of the stick-it notes I mentioned prior, but also various stickers (also mentioned prior), 3 Rilakkuma-themed bookmarks (they're those magnetic ones, you clip onto the bookpage!), 3 Rilakkuma pencils (I've gotten similar ones by you before, and they work super well - they're perfect for drawing with, which was a bit surprising honestly!) And at last, a magnet! The magnet reminds me of a paperweight that my friends mom used to own - it contains a watercoloured bluebird inside a glassdome, with a strong magnet at the back. You also included a pink circle-shaped stick-it note at the back, which contained a very sweet note <3
This next item is a lot of fun, because it is a roll-on perfume ~ the brand is pacifica, tahitian gardenia. The packaging is green with white flowers and gold details ~ and it smells delicious!! Theres something about stuff that smells good that scratches an itch - my friend gifted me some dried up lavender, which I keep in small glass bottles, and I just love having them around to smell them hah
The next gift was not a gift for me, but for Leo! It came in the same Winnie the Pooh paperbag, sealed by a white circle-shaped sticker, filled with blue watercoloured flowers :) inside was a collar! It is blue, and decked out in butterflies ~ it also has a bell, and a blue butterfly charm 💙 it is super pretty, thank you 🦋
You also gifted me a beautiful bracelet - it's a marquet bracelet, made out if green and black stones/crystals, and each bracelet is hand crafted in northern Thailand, and this one is a beaut! Thank you!!
The final two items are a lot of fun: one being a foil balloon ~ it's blue with a yellow smiley face, and "sending happy thoughts" written on it, which is super cute :D and at last, you included a poster of US' 2023 stamps! (You added a stick-it note to it, just explaining what it was) You guys get a lot of new stamps every year, dang! It's intriguing to see the variety ~ and they've all really cool :D
And thats a wrap up! I am incredibly late with this, considering I got this in the middle of July, but life got in the way, as it always does :,)
I am genuinely touched by how much thought and effort that goes into decorating all of the cards, as well as choosing all of the sweet gifts, wrapping them up, including fun notes, gah! All of it! I don't think there's a way for me to truly sum up how wonderful you are, and how incredibly sweet all of this is, but I hope you know how dear you are to me, and I appreciate your kindness so so much ❤ I loved all of the cards you included, especially with how summer-themed they were (like the pop-up card!) ~ you've got a gift for making everything fit, and you're great at decorating (I know I say that a lot, but seriously!! I need those skills!!)
I hope that autumn has been treating you well so far, and that it brings a lot of new joys and experiences :) and once again, thank you so much 💛 🍁🍂

I deeply apologize for the length of this post...A little off topic but it's ideas to help add depth to the game and the characters themselves. It's the little things; I love the direction bungie is taking with events, in regards to decoration/character depth for the tower. However, we can do better I feel.
***Solstice Event ideas to improve:
-All events should be grand and should be all out when it comes to decoration and feel
-Instead of confetti falling from the sky (feels out of place for me) have flower petals or leaves falling instead
-Add a lot more trees, we only get that one lone sad tree, add more for solstice. Would justify where the falling petals or leaves come from
-Decorate the entire tower, every nook and cranny. It matters. Cover more of the tower floor in grass.
-Have cobblestone walk ways leading to all main NPC's
-Add water effects, water walls, giant fountain where we could maybe splash in it, flip a coin in for a wish etc.
-Maybe even a water slide of sorts, but it being a tree trunk thats been carved out
-A sitting and interacting social area with a bonfire (fits the theme, also I miss the farm) where people could sit down, like actually interact to sit not just emote
-Player could interact with the bonfire, add more kindling, virtual animation to sit back have a snack or a beverage
-Have bees buzzing going from flower to flower
-Add some birds flying throughout the tower chirping to add more realism
***Festival of the Lost event ideas to improve:
-Decorate the ENTIRE tower, again so important I feel. Go all out, I don't want it to feel like I'm in the same old tower at any point that I'm in it.
-More dead trees, Cobb webs etc.
-Have the NPC's actually take part in all events in some way, for FotL maybe Eva wears some car ears, zavala has vampire teeth, Ikora a witch hat etc.
-Have the same social spaces where people can sit, dance to music, interact. Maybe instead of a bonfire like solstice have a giant cauldron for the festival.
-Hide bags of candy throughout the tower, challenging hard to reach places to let the player explore and see all decorations in every nook and cranny.
-Change the locations of the hidden bags of candy each week, make it a mini-game of sorts. Or a triumph at the end to reward with a cool candy themed emote or sparrow
-Add tombstones or skulls for added flair
-Add hidden locations where things pop out at you to scare you
-Instead of birds flying around have bats or owls hooting to add more life
***The dawning event ideas to improve:
-Again decorate every bit of the tower, I feel most player like exploring to see how much has changed and how.
-More snowball fight areas, turn it into a dodgeball game, snowball tag, throw snow balls through hoops at difficult distances or at targets for points.
-Social spaces where players can interact to sit, listen to dawning jingles, a bonfire would also work for the dawning
-More snow/snowfall everywhere, I'd like it to feel like a winter wonderland
-Add hills of snow possibly sledding down hills or the slanted sides of building that have snow on them
-Have the sledding be a mini-game where you try and knock over snowpeople (got to be gender neutral) like bowling pins
-Hide presents throughout the tower, like the FotL idea but dawning themed
-Decorate each NPC area specific to their personality to add character and immersion that they actually participate
-Add snowbirds that fly around singing a little bit, various tunes to add more life.
-Ice rink, hockey or big place to go ice skating (actual puts virtual ice skates on you and moves like them) with some lights etc. that the whole community can enjoy together
-Add frost to various glass, allow player to interact to draw funny things on the frosted glass (smiley face etc. have a decent timer then goes away giving someone else a chance to make their mark
***Guardian games event Ideas to improve:
-Falling conffetti (makes more sense here)
-Hidden metals to find throughout the tower (same scavenger hunt idea as the other events but with metals to fit the theme)
-Social spaces for the community to relax, a bonfire is also appropriate here, maybe make it a bonfire inside those golden bowls where people light the torch for events.
-Have a light the torch mini-game where you have to reach the torch basin by jumping puzzle, the floor is lava etc.
-Add a game like flag football but one person is given a lanyard with metals dangling from their hip and other guardians can steal it from them
-More trees and green/nature or marble structures instead of plain metal and concrete (give it a Greek games feel)
-Water walls and fountains marble for the games feel (who doesnt like water themed decor!)
-NPC's wearing games themed colors and/or the main NPC's area decorated with some of their achievements amd feats to display for the games. Brings life to them
***General Overall changes that I'd like to see:
-Have the NPC's (main ones especially) be in different positions/poses when I meet them, or have them doing small but different things when I go to interact with them
-example: Ikora has books and knowledge based things next to her, maybe have her reading a book, working on a astrolabe, meditating etc. do this for all other main NPC's but they do things based on their personality
-Add more green etc. to the tower when there isnt any events going on
-when there are no events going on have NPC's walking around to different areas (minimally intrusive walk paths, we can go through them anyway) adds life to them
-Decorate the tower when there are no events with flags or banners with a symbol of the current season, adding more depth to season we are in.
-More plants and green just in general, I get its industrial but man it gets boring and bland when you feel like your walking around a construction site everytime you go there.
-When there are no events going on still have social areas with a bonfire, bar, jukebox, etc. for players to interact with and hangout together
-Hide more things for us to find and incentivize exploring all your hard work and attention to detail. If there are no events going on hude ghosts for us to find, different locations each week. Even for just a cool shader or emblem at the end of the month would be cool.
***I have a lot more ideas but I don't want to make this any longer lol I hope people read this and budgie sees this and makes some changes!! They are in a step in the right direction but after how many years I feel we can do better for the community when it comes to the social space we all gather too. More depth, personality, attention to detail are all things that bring us together! These are all ideas whether they are used or spark creativity, I look forward to hopefully interacting more with this amazing community. You are all loved! See you in the tower my friends ❤️

Can any of the vintage experts on here please comment on the weight differences? I’ve heard the early Erie skillets are lightweight but I’ve never handled one. I do know my smiley 10 is noticeable lighter than my slant Erie 9. So I am curious if the smiley weight is more in line with the early style Erie pans. TIA

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So, my recent onion layers post has been met with unexpected great popularity - several ppl noted that they thought that, though it was obviously rather humoristic in style, it seemed to contain some on-point insights (it has been said that the best jokes contain a grain of truth), so, a few users asked if I might explain the thinking behind it.

General Remarks

As I previously detailed in a response, it didn't come from any particular source, but from an amalgamation of what id read in all the sources as well as all the personal accounts I'd read, what stuck out as noteworthy or what gets remarked upon as underappreciated/ misunderstood qualities by people of said types - and trying to think about which qualities are more 'fundamental' and which are reactions layered on top as defenses. The whole intrapsychic dynamics thing is a big part of what I find interesting to consider about typology, & independent of that I'd always been intrigued by the idea of "hidden depths" or less than obvious fundamental characteristics.
I was looking also at the process of getting to know a person, what more or less apparent characteristics are - the choice of 3 layers is relatively arbitrary - Loosely inspired by the saying that "Everyone has 3 faces, the public face, the close-up view of the inner circle & the inner stuff that maybe nobody sees", though I did not per se intend a 1:1 correspondence. ...that saying was probably thought up by a social having attachment core.
But more generally, without being too prescriptive, we can think of Layer 1 as what is the most obvious & apparent at first glance, Layer 2 as what comes forth when you get to know the person on an interactive-every-day kind of level or what is under the surface, and of Layer 3 as the basic disposition that all else build upon, the innermost self or some underlying truth – which for some ppl might be quite buried under a whole lot of defenses, for others is known only to themselves & for others yet might very much come forth in situations conducive to being open & shine through here & there.
For example, a 6 can look like a sour complainer or a hot mess, but when you look deeper, you might find that they're actually quite solid, dependable & competent, which you may overlook/ never get to know if you dismiss them based on the complainy exterior. But while some may seem 'obedient/dutyful', if you look further in (to the natural disposition that the individual themselves may have buried under sediments of defenses), what you actually find is this doubt/questioning. Furthermore, that's actually the core from which everything else logically follows.
though obviously here it's been given a blunt/humoristic slant with positive and negative moods/manifestations of the layers alternated for comedic effect - The inner core of the assertive types could show up as both pure and puerile for all three of them (in their own way), not like 3s its always pure and in 7s always childish, but there's some particularly that comes from their having the heart 'out of the loop'. I guess the 8 one sort of explicitly pointed as the "pure does not mean pure good" aspect of it.
Also, often the stereotype of the type is just based on the surface behavior but real people are 3D with depht and complicated inner mechanisms – in the end everyone’s an individual defined by more than just their types, but the deeper parts of a person also show some type-specific characteristics.
I'm breaking this into sections so it's not confusing to those with less patient attention spans.

Type 1

Layer 1: polish & politeness
Sort of the most obvious thing – they look put-together, nothing looks out of place about the outfit, no spelling errors, everything in its place.
Hence the common idea of them as neat freaks or perfectionists, not that either is always true – but ppl that have gone to panels have observed how if you see a bunch of them as a group, there can be ‚sparkly‘, ‚bright‘ or ‚brilliant‘ quality – especially contrasted with, say, the rigid/assertive 6s that can sometimes be confused with them, but present as more approachable.
This extends also to their behavior, as in being measured, having good manners etc. As competency cores they’d have a focus on ‚correct procedure‘ or ‚appropriate‘ responses, here in the realm of the concrete, of action and one’s spatial surroundings so that the results are rather visible.
A lot of the typical thinking activity is this quick binary sorting or evaluating – is this right or wrong, correct or incorrect, how does it compare? Is this the right amount of reaction? Does this match my inner image of how it should look? Not always solely moralistic but rather a kind of idealism applied to the concrete realm -
& that reflects on how they look, basically.
1w9s in particular may present a little stiff, awkward, overly formal or low on expressiveness, whereas the w2s can come across quite impassioned and zealous, a touch warmer and very well equipped to whip a crowd into a frenzy with fiery speeches or sermons full of rightheous indignation.
Layer 2: angery (meme spelling deliberate)
The well known catch is of course that there can be a lot of frustration underneath that.
There’s some individuals (especially if they’ve had a not so good childhood) where the anger can get quite diffuse & they’re not very aware of it;
Others very much realize that they’re motivated by a sense of frustration for what could be better that they’re trying to channel towards constructive ends.
How much that bleeds through depends on the individual, their level of self-awareness, how stressed they are & what situation they’re in, though they may underestimate how much of a critical, judgy or autocratic vibe there can be – a lot of em very much don’t want to come off that way.
With others, only their spouse or bestie might witness outright ranting or yelling.
There can be some contrast between the typically polite & measured surface presentation & the person blowing their top and then there’s of course all those often recited double life stories etc.
Those are of course the dramatic cases that make for dramatic anecdotes.
But on average you’re more likely to see rather measured responses - some don’t go beyond the odd nagging comment and hardly ever raise their voices (and might be uncomfortable with big displays from others, especially those of the w9 persuasion)
A lot of the time it’s nothing so dramatic, there’s just a bunch of only half-aknowledged pent-up frustration contributing the high blood pressure & tension headaches and the like.
Layer 3: sad idealist
Under the anger, tho, there’s sadness. On the macro scale, a grief over living in a fallen world full of injustice.
On the micro scale, a sadness about all that you’re denying yourself and how no one seems to be seeing your efforts.
As far as qualities that the 1s themselves tend to see as not getting appreciated enough, the EA studie named introspective qualities – that does track with my personal experience that a lot of Serious Philosophic Thoughts about the world can be found here, the world’s story state and uneccesary it could be if only everyone would care to fix it.
It’s worth noting that as the impulse types have sort of the least filtered perception, they take in all that’s happening on a direct, visceral level, so the revulsion or sadness at everything that’s ‚wrong‘ can be felt very strongly – emphatically state his some shameless behavior was ‚disgusting‘ or nearly losing his dinner over a crime scene photo -
And there’s also a real, sort of pure endearing sincerity of wanting to get it „right“, a real need to be doing one’s best, like that’s barely enough somehow.

Type 2

Layer 1: sugar spice & everything nice
The surface presentation is above all geared to be likeable and invite bonding – helpfulness is one aspect of that especially with sp-havers but it can get overemphasized. Other components depending on stacking may be approachability, charm, seductiveness, passion, flattery, schmoozing, even pointing out one’s special qualities, stressing exclusive qualities of the relationship or sympathy fishing for ‚legitimate‘ reasons like health problems or becrying the sorrow of a loved one etc.
as well as making sure to appear friendly, approachable, attractive, respectable etc.
Either way they feel they must actively make a good impression happen so they will actively offer to do stuff or even just go and do it spontaneously.
Recently I had a good chance to observe this in practice ’cause grandma is visiting and like, physically could not be stopped from cleaning mom’s house. If there is one dish in the sink she appears as if summoned by a magic circle even though she’s supposed to be the guest here. She’s also gone to pass on helpful reminders, made suggestions for how we should help mom & told all sorts of mildly melodramatic stories. I can understand that mom’s at times a bit annoyed with the nagging & the overreach, but, being perhaps able to look at this with more distance & less messy backstory, I’m making sure to say ‚Thank You‘ & give her hugs & stuff cause in the end she’s just a lonely old lady & wants to feel useful. I think I previously used to chalk it up to how she used to have an important job position & must be missing the special treatment & ability to contribute from that.
Layer 2: mother knows best
What distinguishes 2 from say, 9, is that its a far more proactive and somewhat ‚tough‘, it’s more hidden than with 5 or 8 but there’s still that, ‚I can handle it‘ thing. 2s are actually one of the types that can be pretty good in a crisis. (like 8, 1 or 6)
The whole ‚silk hiding steel‘ cliche might be invoked.
2 (like 1) tends to have the thinking functionality a bit out of the loop which has its downsides, like putting feelings over fact or acting without thinking, but that also means being low on doubt (not per se the relationship preoccupation kind of anxiety, they can have plenty of that, this is probably their big achilles heel) – one can act quickly & with certainty which, again, is great in crisis or extreme situations – hence why you often see 2s as charity workers, doulas, doctors-without-borders, hospice workers, homemakers etc. heavy responsibility emotionally taxing jobs that would emotionally crush others.
One might draw some parallel to 8 in that there is an aspect in getting a kick out of what would daunt others, but here not in the sense of risk, but rather obligation & responsibility and having other’s depend on you, having that sort of personal-relational power.
Of course this also has its downsides, as suggested by the funny monicker here there can be a tendency to hide behind the pleasant surface layer & not own one’s ambition, strenght or forcefulness. Or indeed the person may not know their own strenght or have low self-awareness of their own motives believing themselves to basically be the pleasant surface. (as 2 is somewhat blocked in the introspective function symbolized by the growth line to 4)
Though some know they’re tenacious & are proud of that – be it in a deserved or self-excusing way.
Also, even tough ppl have limits (another parallel to 8) – so one might either overextend themselves or snap and have some dramatic outburst because they feel overtaxed and unappreciated.
Layer 3: desperate hunger for love
What makes it a trap or a hell or a double bind is that on the one hand you rly strongly want to connect & have relationships, love & be loved etc. but on the other there’s a big implicit taboo of like outright showing that in some ways – cause that’s the avoidance, you can’t appear needy, that’s not gonna be considered very loveable or popular, or so your superego tells you.
& certainly our current capitalistic, competitive, every-man-for-himself culture that treats feelings as a gotcha doesn’t help, often when you hear discourse about relationships you could get the idea that there’s some unspoken assumption that whoever cares more somehow loses. Lots of dismissive talk about „silly lovesick girls“ and „needy bitches“, though, its not like more emotional men or dudes who are distressed about relationship misfortune don’t get viciously mocked.
That’s sort of the trap or tragedy that ppl get „tricky“ in response to rejection or fear of reection but then the trickyness brings about the rejection. But I imagine that there’s a special grief in realizing that few ppl want the same degree of interaction as you do & that some degree of holding back & censoring is needed for taking part in polite society. That can put you in a tricky position that can be a fertile ground for guilt feelings (much like realizing that you’re way less interested than most others can)
It’s worth remembering that ultimately these ppl just want to love & be loved (& some of ppl’s apprehension can be related to their own unease toward that concept or their own knotty relationships with want or need) – which isn’t to say that anyone should be put up with extremely unpleasant specimens, but even in those cases its kind of a tragedy when you look at it from a wider perspective. So, uh, maybe send your quarrelsome grandmas the occasional heart emoji or mother’s day text I guess.

Type 3

Layer 1: flashy facade
You know the drill: If they were in a book there would be a little „TM“ somewhere, and if they were in an animated medium, their teeth would sparkle when they grin. This is the part that’d described to death in all the descriptions out there so you can probably picture what is meant.
Glossy, flashy, bright and dazzling, megawatt smile, optimistic Can Do attitude, , versatility, constant improvement, efortlessness, „star“ presentation…
Though it must be appreciated that the degree also values by the individual, 378 is oing to be much flashier than, say, 359. Some what to be respected & known more for their „output“
Layer 2: efficient robot
Cordon describes this kind of interestingly – ovsly being a 6 and also a therapist he’d have observe ppl closely, and he described how you might be talking with a smiley, expressive person but also get the sense that somewhere behind that there’s someone else, carefully watching.
He describes that 3s often have an affinity to or identify themselves with high performance machines, and indeed that’s something you can confirm by looking at the works of some prominent musicians for example.
There’s that layer of ‚calculation‘ or ‚instrumentalism‘ – a split between the ‚social‘ and ‚impulse based‘ emotions in which the latter get tuned out to not interfere with the performance of the former. The attachment typical split-attention plays out by having the vigilant perception of ppl’s reactions and fine-tuned performing of social emotions existing in parallel with the planful action coming from the planning mind & the impulses.
Which unintentionally sounds like im describing a supervillain, but it can actually be an amazing & unique ability to handle social situations through a problem-solving lens, which can allow one to be efficient and masterful, and, in more, enlightened individuals constructive & persuasive in a way you couldn’t pull off if you let your own reactions feature into it unfiltered.
An example is how the protagonist of Kare Kano (probably 3w4) responds when she gets snubbed by her classmates. I could imagine stewing in your hurt and trying to find some meaning in it (which is what I would have done), I could imagine how someone might grovel or people-please in order to be liked, but the third approach that the protag actually uses would never have occurred to me:
It’s not that she wasn’t hurt by the experience or feeling insecure about it, but instead of dwelling on how she’s hurt or having a grudge against the classmates, she problem solves: She finds herself new friends who help her identify & publicly call out the ringleader behind the snubbing, and therefore skillfully maneuvers the class into siding with her. She even extends an olive branch to the former ringleader.
I am also a competency type so I might apply methodology to many areas of life where most ppl wouldn’t, but I would never thought of approaching this sort of social situation through such a lens, I thought that was pretty impressive of Miss Yukino.
Though, on the other side of that, there can be the temptation for some 3s to put off dealing with the fee fees for so long they just never get around to it, doing nothing but work work work , disregarding their human limitations etc.
Layer 3: golden retriever
In some ppl it’s very buried under a lifetime’s worth of need-nobody-tough-guy-act, thick calluses and/or believing one’s own hype, but somewhere at the beginning before it all went sideways they started out as some little kiddo with a pure & sincere desire to win love, approval and headpats, to hear ppl say that they’re proud of them, that they’re seen & valued, that they did good - which you might recognize as ultimately 100% purely feelings-based motivations.
Of course at some point the individual might have decided to settle for glory & hype because real love & approval weren’t forthcoming, or because of the vulnerability entailed in looking for the real deal. People can just not give you the approval, or they can laugh at you & call you names instead - & the disaproval stings if you easily attach to other’s perceptions of you.
So there’s like, just hype where it doesn’t matter where it comes from divorced from properly bonded relationships, and there’s nifty status symbols you can slap your hand on. You’ll show them. They’ll see when you’re swiming in money and having what all the ppl on TV have... and probably just, numb out whatever bits clamor for like proper connection until it no longer feels safe to drop the mask. Like this is a counterdependent mechanism. Like the rebel 6s or those more loner-y 9s.
Judging by the stereotypes you’d think the tough badass ellbow feelings-are-for-losers presentation is the default. Or well, it’s not like trying to be tough is always dysfunctional or overcompensation, the world is a tough cutthroaty place. Nothing wrong with being a badass as long as you’re not like exceedingly ruthless toward others.
But this doesn’t prepare you for pulling up some youtube video or podcast and you get these like really sincere expressive ppl that are obviously all heart & capable of a very ‚pure‘ sort of mirroring or connecting. And yes they’re all organized, yes they care about being popular, they like attention & clearly have, like, the charming, polishing and crowd-working skills of someone who’s like a moderator, but they also basically just want you to like you & think they’re cool no knots or trickery or underhanded hidden agendas.
That’s also why no one ever types Naruto right though he constantly proclaims that his goal is to embody the cultural ideal of his hometown so people will approve of him. that, and he’s sp blind. And a feeler. F types can often be the less ‚onion layered‘ version of a given type, presumably cause being poked in the lower functions hurts prompting the development of more guards. Though you can get some pretty guarded feelers if you subject them to enough bad parenting…
Though overall most 3s are probably still generally the quintessential „peach“ type person (defined in opposition to a „coconut“ where there is a hard shell/initial hurdle to get to the juicy center) – fairly easy to build a rapport with & become surface level friends with, but then there’s that inner core that takes a special level of trust to get to.

Type 4

Layer 1: distinguished sophistication
On average, the surface presentation tends to be distinguished, sophisticated, deliberate and cultivated – as this is a withdrawn type they won’t always necessarily loudly declare themselves & might well often feel that it’s not worth bothering cause ppl might not get it anyway (especially the w5 specimens), but if they do speak/ get involved, they will make their positions, likes & dislikes fairly clear. This can sometimes frustrate or confuse attachment types whose MO is to first find some common ground & then buil on that / see how good the fit is, & can take the pointing out of differences as a rejection or judgement.
Generally withdrawn types don’t expect others to agree with them (indeed if too many ppl agreed the 4 might be some degree of embarassed) but it’s just like – I say my opinion, you say yours, if they differ then they just do.
Granted, seeing as tastes & likes & feelings are Serious Business(TM) they may well lambast ppl who listen to the wrong kind of music (because of the culture & associations that that music is seen as a symbol for) – This is seen as having „strong values“ & if as a result you can’t get along with everyone, that’s just how it is. (though they may of course have too high standards, jump to conclusions on those associations or lament that they can’t find anyone who „gets it“) – but more mature ones are more willing to live & let live.
Even so, this is a marked difference to some of the types that are, at least on paper, easily confused, such as 9, 2 or 6 – those are all types that have some compulsion to appear approachable, personable and/or avoid antagonizing others.
Like 8s for example they’re not one of the types that are automatically nice but don’t want to appear easily impressed (if their approval were too easily given it wouldn’t mean much) – though to ppl with reactive components this may read as a pleasant lack of fake niceness.
Lately it’s been en vogue to describe 4s as ‚elitist‘ to like make them sound unappealing to common idealization-based mistypes but that’s not really neutrality either – can some 4s be superior snobs?
Yes. But not everyone. What they definitely are is specific, like idealizing a very particular kind of music or aesthetic , sometimes to the point of painting themselves into a corner. But „I like this particular thing & everything else isn’t my cup of tea“ doesn’t have to mean putting down others you can just differentiate yourself naturally.
And there is value in making very specific or particular or self-indulgent stuff that otherwise wouldn’t be created for fear that it wouldn’t have broad appeal - since they’re just, doing it for themselves with themselves as the intened audience.
The principle to understand here is like basically – „If no one will see me, I’ll see myself“, imbuing one’s actions with symbolic meaning to create a sense of significance.
It’s also worth noting that 4 is like, intellectual center secondary & wedged in between two competency wings so, some individuals can be fairly proud of their intellect & even brag of it in ways that 2, 9 or 6 probably wouldn’t. Which can be overdone to a point of obnoxiousness especially if there’s some defensive arrogance going on, but also lead to a sense of refined craftsmanship especially if the line to 1 is somewhat active.
In the same vein, individuals can also have a thing about self-improvement and self-betterment or take a ‚shamanic guide‘ kind of role.
Though immature individuals can also not think very much at all & resist all advice or improvement suggestions due to seeing their problems as unsolveable and any fixing attempt as unauthentic.
Layer 2: pure spite
So you meet your fave artist that had this consummate specific aesthetic, and turns out everyone who knew them up-close describes them as drama-prone, vicious, negative, liable to making incendiary statements, self-absorbed and just guaranteed to make the purity police get its panties in a twist.
What’s going on here?
On the most basic level, there is simply a lack of negativity filter, which doesn’t just concern relatively ‚pretty‘ negativity like sadness, but also making a big deal of personal poblems or expressing srong dislike, disdain, disgust, loathing or hate.
Hate is often seen as something that should always be got rid off, but, though there are constructive and non constructive outlets like for all emotions, it is not the only emotion that’s somehow all bad and doesn’t have a function. Some things arguably should be abhorred. Grudges keep you from burning yourself on the same hot stove twice.
Disgust is, at its most basic, the drive to avoid the contamination of the individual: „That’s NOT me. That’s disgusting. I don’t want to be like that“ – disgust can motivate you to be moral, or at least to hold on to what’s important spite can make you persevere when nothing else will sustain you.
Hence why a 4 component is often correlated with vindictiveness or revenge fantasies.
Obviously it can be overdone as like reckless dumb spats or personal vendettas that only lead to more scorched earth, but like, the functionality is there for a reason.
Nonetheless, core 4s can be very salty ppl, especially if they feel permanently wronged/slighted/ shortchanged or spend too much time simmering over how much easier others have it without then moving to the next step of action or acting in impulsive rather than constructive ways.
Layer 3: grief & longing
Most ppl eventually just accept that the world isn’t fair and that what is lost is lost – we might tough it out, suck it up, positively reframe it, tell ourselves it doesn’t matter etc. Sometimes that might be what you have to do to survive; Though sometimes there can also be a tad of self-betrayal there.
Either way, we forget the lost paradise – and the 4s kinda don’t. Whatever hurt they went through, they want to honor it and give it its proper space. It’s not necessarily that 4s per se suffer more or less than other ppl, it’s that their relationship to it is different-
And like, let’s acknowledge that there is a truth and a wisdom in this, or at least a fragment of the whole picture: Bad stuff is BAD. What hurts HURTS. What’s gone is GONE and never coming back.
You might say that it’s pointless to be hung up on that and that it cannot be changed anyways and, like, that’s the other types having their own slice of reality & fragment of the truth, but, what’s also true is… it was still bad. It still hurts. It still mattered.
You know how it is sometimes said that grief is the pendulum swing of love, or love with nowhere left to go? It’s the evidence that the love was there. That what was lost was worth something.
And there’s like, a sincerity and idealism in that, a very genuine thing (for all that it can, like all things, be overemphasized), despite the outer layers of drama and pretesion.
Some descriptions focus only on like, the sadness without the context or structure or particularity (after all everyone can be sad & for some its a longer journey to realize their sadness matters) whereas others paint only the uglyness and drama without connecting it to where it really comes from and neither of those is a complete picture.

Type 5

Layer 1: [*televison static*]
Which is, uh, obviously a sort of humorous play on the way that these are often considered as being somewhat hard to read, low on expressiveness, unforthcoming in disclosure, clumsy in social niceties etc.
Sometimes it is very much intentional to restrict an interaction to ‚strictly business‘ of course – can’t be friends with all the billions on the planet especially if you’re super duper introverted and also busy with stuff.
But i also think Cordon was onto something with there being a quick tendency towards freeze responses (in the same way that 6s tend toward vigilance & confronting the problem, and 7s towards running away/avoiding it) and if you couple that with the whole tendency to see „the outer world“ as the place that is potentially suspect, well…
In a sense its basically just means having an especially pronounced version of the whole „introvert needs a while to ‚thaw up‘ and get comfortable“ phenomenon.
There’s also the strong content focus, which can come off impersonal to some – or straight up rude or callous if the individual fails to consider how things might be taken on other possible communication channels (like a personal-relational lens or lizardbrainy power dynamics) – not considering these can also cause one to come off less convincing, as in aimless rambling or having little sense of presence.
It’s not always about hiding or diversion, telling you about some stuff that they personally find interesting talking more than strictly necessary.
I’m not saying you have to put up with annoying aimless rambling monologues, but you might want to be like, „No thank you“ rather than „Shut up you showoff/weirdo/nerd, no one wants to hear this“
There can be uncertainty as to how to interact at all when there isn’t a clearly defined activity or topic.
But you do read accounts where the individual in question ostensibly took responsibility & made sure to explicitly clarify their intentions and feelings verbally, but that still got taken as ‚mixed signals‘, when the person described just seems to be… the normal amount of nervous for a young person on a date, for example. You can only do so much about what kind of automatic fear response you have.
As these are usually private & reclusive, the number of those who get to look beyond the first layer is usually fairly small; Only their lover, bestie or immediate family members maybe. For some the number might be outright zero, unless they’re some sort of artist or wrote their inner thoughts & feelings down in some kind of journal. And even then there’s a higher than usual percentage of those whose materials were only published after their death.
And many very much prefer it this way, though you sometimes hear from the social doms that they are somewhat bothered by this, in that they want to be or subjectively feel connected (like all the other social doms, one supposes) but feel frustrated that they can’t, even if they’re quite capable of putting up an engaging, likeable front. You sometimes read the specific phrasing of the person wishing someone would see through it and move the conversation beyond the script.
Though, not having social, I can’t personally relate to that at all and the prospect of people assuming that I secretly want them to do anything seems threatening if anything. Though I share the perception that a lot of exchanges are really just ppl following scripts, but, for me that’s a reason to dispense with such ‚zero content‘ exchanges completely.
Layer 2: obsessive doomer
What you usually see reported when ppl get to know one of these up close is „Wow this person is super negative“ and „wow this person is a lot more blunt/direct than I thought they would be, weren’t they, like, shy?“ (Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are shy.)
Besides getting them to move in with you, you might also seesomeone act a great deal less filtered in an anonymous setting or something like a short vacation where they have the option of never seeing anyone involved ever again.
I also recall this post of someone who couldn’t quite make sense of that one reticent sort of unreadable friend cause he’d only joi in their antics so often, wasn’t super expressive etc. though he had outright told them that their friend group is very important to him, „unless he’s drunk and then he’s suddenly very open about everything“ and I thought to myself, ‚Ah. That‘s probably the closest they get to seeing what he’s like on his own’.
If you look at a list of famous artists, writers or musicians or whatever their material doesn’t tend to be known for being like blank prosaic & precise or whatever but for being dark and intense and sometimes a bit provocative, or at least kinda philosophic.
Though, if you look at some of the earlier literature, like Naranjo, Palmer, Maitri and so on the defining characeristics rather seem to be „kind of ineffectual“ and „throws the towel rather easily & keeps coming up with reasons why its pointless to do anything“
So, what do these ppl do all the time by themselves?
One poster here wrote something like„5s aren’t necessarily all smart, we’re really just obsessive“, and I think they pretty much hit the nail on the head.
I mean, some were probably smart – Charles Darwin maybe? If there was only a single smart one it was probably Paul Dirac. But your friendly neighborhood specimen is probably not that, any more than every 9 is Einstein or that any 7 is Feynman....
You could get a pretty solid understanding of stuff too if you were reading about it or practicing it all the time, and probably thinking about it when you aren’t – instead of say, socializing or doing useful practical tasks.
And there’s absolutely no guarantee at all that you’ll get obsessed with something that makes money or that others think is impressive.
Though, if there’s one good trait or upside to all this mess it’s probably the way that you can just keep at it wether anyone cares or not, theres no getting discouraged from lack of praise or response, if anything one works best if nobody knows about it until the thing is nearing completion.
It is kind of an interesting paradoxon that you have this relentless focus on the one hand and this struggle or resistance to do what actually needs to be done on the other.
I can appreciate its interestingness, even if its the bane of my personal existence…
Layer 3: touchy bundle of nerves
Like most iterations of the ‚gooey center‘ trope this can get quite buried in some individuals especially if their parents messed up – You even do get some unpleasant individuals with poor self-awareness who then maintain that everyone else must be clingy, irrational and overdramatic because they don’t realize that they’re the sensitive ones. The Protagonist of the classical German novel ‚Homo Faber‘ is a prime example. A nasty stuckup sexist piece of work, but a strangely relatable one in some ways, to the point where I wonder about Max Frisch himself, though, cannot have shared his protagonists’ disdain for all things poetic seeing as he was a famous author & playwright.
Others may simply have misplaced the box with the feelings sometimes in the 70s and have no idea where they put it.
But lots of ppl are well aware of what’s going on inwardly, level of outward expressiveness onwithstanding, there’s a reason 4 is a common mistype. The anecdotal example people in the enneagram literature have to be commended for their „fun“ metaphors. I wonder sometimes whatever became of the „its like running through a field of cacti with no skin“ guy. That book was old, so he might no longer be with us.
In the end the behavior may not differ than much either way because, you know how some computer applications show you annoying alerts so often that eventually you just completely ignore them?
In a sense the defense mechanisms do serve you well, if you compare to some non-5 high sensitivity ppl. There are some shared qualities like being easily tired by drama situations, being easily startled, low pain tolerance etc. but generally „cant take violent movies“, „easily swept up in & affected by other’s feelings“ are not problems I have.
(though of course, more ove less „buffered“ sensitive types have their own kinds of strenghts that we don’t, & being Like This also produces its own secondary problems)

Type 6

It’s been brought to my attention that take here skewed a bit toward 6w5; For 6w7, a bit more chill but a bit less self-reliance, something like a cross between this and the 7 onion. Still I’ll try to keep it generally applicable as much as it can be given the complexities of these guys.
Layer 1: commander contrarian
The range of presentations is great here, depending greatly on the environment and such values as the individual has considered to be worthwhile guideposts, yet if one were to to distill them all down to some commonality, it would be some degree of ‚hot mess‘ or ‚relatable everyman‘ flavor -
if not to connect with others or get their help, then at least to stay under the radar and avoid putting a target on your back.
There is also a tendency to be the one who considers how it might all blow up, whether it is expressed more as worry than as scepticism.
They might be complaining about you not following the rules, or complaining about the rules themselves, but they’re probably the ones doing the complaining or going against the grain of the prevailing opinion – sometimes, particularly for 6w7, it can even mean taking the positive side when the prevailing opinions are negative.
They’re doing us all a solid with this, as it has been shown that the presence of even one dissenting opinion greatly lowers the strenght of groupthink effects, like ppl agreeing with a crowd of actors that the longer of two lines is actually the shorter.
Layer 2: dutiful soldier
When you look closer, though, you see that though they might be complainers, they’re not quitters.
6s may often overreport the level of mess in their lives, have difficulty internalizing past sucesses (since, theoretically, it could still go wrong this time) and frequently exist in a state of ‚AAAAA‘, this is ultimately a type that has the potential to be quite perseverant, hardworking, resillient, dedicated and, at their best, even heroic.
And being all this while also having that ‚humble‘ presentation on top can also make you likeable & engaging.
This can be taken too war of course in sticking or being loyal to a cause that’s not worth it though it’s worth noting that they’ll be loyal to ppl that they agree with and that seem worth it, & once soundly dissapointed they might swiftly swing around to the opposite.
Layer 3: trusts no one including self
Zoom in further, though, and you’ll see that at the bottom is this mode of perception where everything can change as easily as thinking of a different possibility – the search for certainty, for something worth supporting or believing in, & to be prepared & steadfast oneself is precisely spurned on by one’s propensity to doubt and second-guessing one’s actions, whether one pursues those doubts, looks for something to allay them, or perhaps both at the same time (such as aligning with ppl but also testing them)
Something in there is always like „but how do you know? Can you really be sure?“ Wether or not the person’s conscious of it it’s consistently fueling their actions even if those consist of stronger clinging to a supposed solution or more fierce resisting against those who tell them they’re wrong.
The opposite response of always taking any doubt seriously isn’t per se better than denyoning it though if it leads to being overly suspicious.
Of course some individuals may respond in a different way depending on each particular thing they’re doubtful about few always have the same response all the time.
On some level it’s a search for a deeper truth that, when one is in alignment with it, gives a solid foundation to ones’ decisions (which can look very different depending on the individual, it could be a personal truth or a way of understanding the world. )
​
[cont'd in comment bc character limit]

I don't wanna be here anymore
WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Los Matadores w/ El Torito vs. The New Day w/ Xavier Woods Vs. The Usos w/ Naomi vs. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro © w/ Natalya
Kicking the night off right, we have The Tag Title match. The Titles are misplaced before the show so the match is instead contested under the guise of being The 2015 King of The Ring Finals. The New Day make their entrance first, dressed in dark berets and all black outfits. THEY ARE NOT THE BLACK PANTHER PARTY, commentary assures us, THEY ARE A DIFFERENT RADICALLY LEFT GROUP FOCUSED PRIMARILY ON CIVIL RIGHTS THAT IS NOT THE BLACK PANTHER PARTY. The group is arrested by CIA operatives on the spot. The bell rings and the rest of the teams bum rush each other, accidentally performing a sextuple KO and forcing their managers to step in for them.
El Torito runs wild but Naomi refuses to hit a midget. Natalya makes out with her sister. El Torito performs a canadian destroyer and throws Naomi through a table, showing us exactly what being good gets you. Natalya's sister runs the ropes and giggles. El Torito is shot. Naomi crawls back inside and hits a Rear View on Natalya's sister, pinning her only to realize she is not an active competitor. The New Day, now with manifestos, re-enter the ring with a noose and attempt to lynch Natalya. JBL starts masturbating at ringside. He invites Jerry Lawler to join him but Jerry Lawler curls his lip and crosses his arms and shakes his head no. The New Day stand victorious. They salute as the new Kings of The Ring.
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
The competitors make their entrance. Chief among then Damien Mizdow and The Miz and Big Show and The Ryback and Alex Riley and Hideo Itami. Hideo Itami puts on a Mankind costume and coke bottle glasses and starts doing Jimmy Wang Yang stuff. Alex Riley is angry that he has been scorned by The Miz and takes it out on Miz's new muse Damien Sandow. JBL has finally finished. He sits in it. On one side of the collapsed ring, The Ryback has grown hungry and begins to feast. Zack Ryder is the first tribute to our god of desire. Tatanka is screeching over and over again. Big Show tries to knock him out but Tatanka is too fast. The Ryback watches WWE South African RAW striptease videos on his phone.
Alex Riley is doing phantom of the opera. He's got a mask on and he's singing. Sandow and Miz team up to eliminate him together. They feel something deep in their hearts. They almost kiss, but don't. JBL makes a smiley face with his seed puddle. Big Show falls to The Ryback's growing appetite. The Big Guy swallows him with one gulp. Itami, Sandow, and Miz resolve to team up against the growing monster. Hideo Itami tries the Mandible Claw and The Ryback bites his hand straight off. He is consumed within a matter of seconds as Miz and Sandow watch on with horror. The Ryback takes a Cialis so he can impress Brock Lesnar. Miz urges Sandow to run, but Sandow is frozen in place and does nothing to stop Miz from being slowly consumed.
The Ryback is now thirty feet tall and big and fat. Tentacles and tendrils spill from his body and wrap around Sandow's waist, pulling him closer and closer. Tears stream down Sandow's face as he finally meets his cosmic, terrible god. He does not understand. He does not presume to try. He is in the presence of something great. His eyes burn out in the brightness of The Ryback's bald head and he accepts his fate. He is not eaten. He is spared. The Ryback leaves him to live, slowly crawling towards the backstage area as Sandow begs to be consumed from within the ring, unintentionally victorious.
WWE Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match: R-Truth vs. Stardust vs. Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Bad New Barrett ©
The main show has started. It's the IC Title Match. Before anyone else can make his entrance, Dean Ambrose comes out dragging a bag behind him. He reveals that inside the bag is his dad, who he has finally tracked down and is going to murder. Unfortunately Ambrose's father tries to run for it and The Lunatic Fringe is forced to pursue his creator into the crowd. The match starts. Stardust gyrates and singles out the people of color (R-Truth and Dolph Ziggler). R-Truth raps and is mentally handicapped. Daniel Bryan has vertigo and keeps falling over. Michael Cole has put on a diaper and a binky. Dolph Ziggler is orange and he's doing a bad Donald Trump impression that no one will get for another year. Bad News Barrett comes out in an LiJ outfit and throws the IC Title on the ground over and over again as the crowd cheers. Luke Harper is not present, as he is dead. The Cosmic Ryback has killed and eaten him backstage.
There is a ten bell salute for Luke Harper mid-match. Daniel Bryan tries a Flying Headbutt on Bad News Barrett and misses, which triggers a seizure. Barrett suplexes him out of the seizure and thousands of overweight wrestling fans share the gif online. Stardust tries to sexually assault R-Truth, only to be distracted by Cody Rhodes chants courtesy of the audience mid-stalling suplex off the top rope, sending him slipping off the side and both him and Truth careening into the audience, where several people are seriously injured. Ziggler is all alone now, he positions the ladder and begins to climb, ONLY FOR AMBROSE TO APPEAR OUT OF THE AUDIENCE, RECONCILED WITH HIS FATHER AND READY TO GO!
The reunited Ambrose boys repeatedly stab Ziggler, Ambrose performing multiple Wacky Lines on Ziggler in a row in order to ultimately rip The Showoff clean in half. Ambrose cuts the sick, sick guy promo word for word as Ambrose Sr. pulls out Ziggler's intestines and uses them to strangle Barrett. With no one to suplex him, Bryan continues to have a seizure. R-Truth is in the audience fighting an aggrieved father whose baby was hurt in the suplex attempt. Stardust rolls back into the ring and Ambrose hurls homophobic insults at him, only to turn around DIRECTLY INTO A REAR VIEW BY AMBROSE SR. ONCE AGAIN, DEAN AMBROSE HAS BEEN WRECKED BY HIS FATHER!
However, before Ambrose Sr can capitalize, Stardust is able to grab a mic and repeatedly scream "THE AMERICAN DREAM DUSTIN RHODES" into the mic while sobbing uncontrollably, prompting a newly rabid crowd to swarm and trample The Lunatic Fringe's dad. Stardust climbs to the IC Belt and wins it unimpeded, before renouncing the Stardust name and calling out Randy Orton for a match at No Mercy. He waits for ten minutes, openly bawling, for The Viper to answer. The Viper does not.
He walks to the back disappointed and the remainders of Ambrose Sr, Dolph Ziggler, Bad News Barrett, and a still-seizing Bryan to The Cosmic Ryback as tribute.
Seth Rollins w/ J&J Security vs. Randy Orton
It's Rollins' first solo WrestleMania, and the current Mr. Money in The Bank walks out in a full latex gimp suit. He cuts a promo before the match and says he hates indies and poor people. The crowd boos him and he rubs his belly, "Mm mm mm I love the corporate authority I love Triple H I hate Low Ki I hate Chikara." The crowd boo him even harder. They hate Seth Rollins. Randy Orton comes out but he's got a bottle of Henny in his hands and is stumbling back and forth all over the place with reckless abandone. His theme song has been replaced with "Marvins Room" by Drake and he raps along as best he can, making sure to emphasize everytime he drops the N-Word.
The bell rings. Rollins tries to go for a Slingblade but cannot move in the latex and falls on his ass. Orton picks up Rollins and repeatedly shoots on him, dropping him on his head and locking him in a four minute armbar. The ref tries to get him to release it but Orton punches him out, shouting "It's a rib!" at the audience when they start booing. He keeps trying to rib, smearing his own shit onto a piece of toilet and putting it in Seth's pockets before making sure to methodically sexually assault every single woman in the front row that he can reach. With Rollins out of commission, JBL steps up to stop Orton, and the two carry the next ten minutes of the match, switching seamlessly back and forth between headlocks and waistlocks for ten minutes until Orton pulls out a Punt to pop the crowd and take Bradshaw out of commission.
Rollins has recovered by this point, so has the ref, and he catches Orton with an elbow. The two go for that no legendary Curb Stomp into RKO spot, but whiff it due to Randy's intoxicated nature and Seth's immobility. They try it again and again it fails. It takes them sixteen tries to get it right. Ultimately, Orton is finally able to hit the RKO and he proceeds to pin Rollins for twenty seconds straight, celebrating by spitting on the broken Architect and flashing gang signs at the camera. Rollins looks like a little bitch and starts crying. Charles Robinson laughs at him.
Triple H vs. Stingk
This is it baby. WCW Vs. WWE. Finally, finally, a full two decades after the start of the monday night wars and The Invasion years later, we will FINALLY be given a satisfying conclusion to this eternal rivalry. Stingk is already in the ring so we don't have to bother with his tedious shit. Triple H's entrance is performed fully in the nude and he keeps doing DX chops during it. Sting is on crutches and his goatee has gotten offensively long. He attacks Triple H with the crutches but Trips dodges under, slipping comically on the mat and sliding out of the ring like Enzo did that one time. Triple H is hurt but he's gonna fight through it none the less. Sting pulls out brass knuckles and beats Trips so hard with them while the referee isn't looking that The Game starts bleeding. He hits a Burning Hammer, but Trips triumphantly kicks out at one.
Clearly needing help to win this, Sting orders that the NWO come down here and prove that WCW is great. Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, and Scott Hall in a wheelchair rush down to the ring and all four men begin tag-teaming Triple H, only for DX to show up and even the odds, beating back The NWO but making sure never to get involved in the actual match or touch Sting. Triple H makes a comeback and hulks up, schooling the entire NWO and then stacking them on top of each other, before crushing Sting with a Pedigree and going for the pin. One… Two… It is broken up, but not by a member of Team WCW. Instead, by AJ STYLES!!! BULLET CLUB IS HERE!
The crowd goes crazy as Kenny Omega, The Young Bucks, Bad Fuck Lale, Marty Scurll (He isn't a member of Bullet Club he's just here), and Cody Hall rush out. Kenny Omega does Dragon Ball Z Super Saiyan shit and gets knocked out immediately with a Sweet Chin Music. X-Pac turns on DX and aligns with WCW. The Young Bucks are easily dispatched by The New Age Outlaws. However, no one in The NWO or DX can seem to deal with Bad Luck Fale, who is just too big and large. He does the height thing and then throws Shawn Michaels into the sun. Marty Scurll turns on AJ Styles mid-run in and hits him with a Rear View, before declaring himself the new leader of Bullet Club. Scott Hall cries as his son, Cody, beats him to death.
In the end, Scurll aligns himself with the heroic Triple H, waking the referee up and allowing H to finally score a successful pin attempt on Raven, who has been passed out for five straight minutes now. The match ends with Triple H, flanked by The New Age Outlaws, Scurll, Fale, and Cody Hall, declaring themselves the new Evolution! WWE has finally defeated WCW.
AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins
This is a big match. The Bella Twins know that the alien race colloquially known as Boov from the 2015 hit children's film "HOME" starring Rihanna and the nerd guy from Big Bang Theory are real because they accidentally shot one on one of their family hunting trips in late 2012.
They ride down to the ring in a Hyundai singing Spice Girls and are joined by Daniel Bryan's brother, Nathaniel Bryan. Nathaniel Bryan is awkward and socially maladjusted. The three do carpool karaoke. The match begins when the car accidentally crashes into the side of the ring and collapses one half of it. AJ Lee slides down the side and her leg is crushed under one of the wheels. Brie Bella starts crying. Nikki is forced to enter the slanted ring against Paige alone. The two circle and are about to lock-up when they are suddenly joined in the ring by Fit Finlay. Who will he give the shillelagh to?
Inside the car, Nathaniel Bryan is massaging the fuck out of Brie's shoulders. Finlay gives the shillelagh to Paige because she's Irish. Wait. She's actually English. She beats the fuck out of Finlay and transforms him into her Spudfucker Slave Boy before turning to Nikki Bella, who catches her off guard with a Rear View! One… Two… The pin is broken up by a legless AJ Lee, who passes out from blood loss immediately after. A rabid Spudfucker Slave Boy pounces on Nikki Bella and mauls her to unconsciousness. Brie Bella is counted out due to Nathaniel Bryan's moist, welcoming hands. Paige and AJ Lee win. Spudfucker Slave Boy is euthanized.
WWE US Championship Match: John Cena vs. Rusev © w/ Lana
John Cena comes out in a tank, saluting the flag and setting off numerous fireworks. He condemns communism and says we need to get our troops back into Cuba. People are confused. Rusev comes out with nothing, including Lana, because as Cena says "He is from a mudhole 3rd world country controlled by the fascist Viet kong government." In actuality, it is because his tank was eaten by The Cosmic Ryback backstage. Bradshaw is dragged back to commentary and starts hurling German stereotypes at Rusev. The two have a stiff-as-fuck All Japan style match. It is incredible. Cena wins with a lariat after Rusev is stopped from hitting a Machka Kick by a interfering Lana, who says she has seen the light and wants Cena's strong american seed to birth a generation of super soldiers.
After the match, Lana tries to make out with Cena but he is afraid of her and flees into the safety of his tank, making sure to celebrate his victory by ordering several drone strikes on random locations throughout the audience.
Stephanie McMahon is here
The Authority is here now. Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, and Seth Rollins have fled from a backstage area that has all but been totally consumed by The Cosmic Ryback and come to the ring, where Stephanie McMahon goes into intricate detail about every single sex crime her father, Vince, has ever committed. She then cackles and says no one will ever be able to catch him and that he'll always be in charge. The audience cheers. Triple H kicks Seth Rollins, who has proved to be little more than a feminazi cuck, directly in the balls before threatening to "Fuck your face with your (CENSORED) floss, piss boy" before gifting the MiTB briefcase to the morally flawless Marty Scurll. The Authority then turn around and say that California is smelly and the people suck. Pee-ew!
Ronda Rousey has heard enough. She hops the barricade and chugs strength supplements before locking Stephanie McMahon in an armbar. Enraged, Triple H hits Ronda with a Rear View and begins viciously beating her skull in, only FOR BAD LUCK FALE TO STEP IN AND PICK TRIPLE H UP, TOSSING HIM OVER TO MARTY SCURLL WHO GIVES TRIPLE H A THUMBS DOWN AND HITS A PEDIGREE! Marty Scurll says he doesn't want to part of Triple H's Evolution and that he and THE CLUB are fine on their own. Kid Rock begins performing, Marty Scurll and Bad Luck Fale dancing with him while Rousey holds her fist up in solidarity with the victims of Sandy Hook.
The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt
He's comin' home with his neck scratched, to catch flack Sweat jackets and dress slacks, mismatched On his breath's Jack, he's a sex addict And she just wants to exact revenge and get back It's a chess match, she's on his back like a jet-pack She's kept track of all his Internet chats And guess who just happens to be movin' on to the next Actually, just shit on my last chick and she has what my ex lacks 'Cause she loves danger, psychopath And you don't fuck with no man's girl, even I know that But she's devised some plan to stab him in the back Knife in hand, says their relationship's hangin' by a strand So she's been on the web lately Says maybe she'll be my Gwen Stacy, to spite her man And I know she's using me to try to play him, I don't care Hi Suzanne, but I shoulda said "Bye Suzanne" After the first night, but tonight I am.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar ©
And now, the main event. Brock Lesnar comes out first, incredibly impressed by The Cosmic Ryback and now reduced to a big old fatty due to a wealth of stress eating after having looked upon The Big Guy's holy visage and having have survived. Joben comes out missing an arm and is actively bleeding out. Clearly, The Cosmic Ryback was not nearly as kind to him. The two circle each other and the bell rings. REAR VIEW FROM LESNAR! 1-2-3! This thing is over. Paul Heyman cackles in delight and strips off all his close before rolling around on the ground like a Beyblade. Brock Lesnar pulls a mighty sword from within his heart and prepares to finally face The Cosmic Ryback in singles combat, hoping he can vanquish The Monster before it can do too much damage to the waking world.
He goes to walk backstage, only… HE IS ATTACKED FROM BEHIND BY MARTY SCURLL! SCURLL BASHES HIM WITH THE BRIEFCASE BUT LESNAR STAYS STANDING, LEVELING SCURLL WITH AN F5 AND ALMOST BEATING HIM BACK, ONLY TO BE ATTACKED BY SCURLL'S GREATEST FRIEND IN BAD FUCK! HE DOES THE HEIGHT THING! CHOKE SLAM TAKES LESNAR OUT FOR GOOD! MARTY CASHES IN AND GOES FOR THE PIN! ONE-TWO-THREE! MARTY SCURLL IS YOUR NEW WWE CHAMPION!
Scurll has no time to celebrate however, as he is immediately challenged to a World Title match by the final survivor of WWE's backstage area, Daniel Bryan, who rushes out and says he wants a five star match right now. Scurll, ever the upstanding and ethical guy, accepts, and the fans go crazy as they prepare to see the guy who they wanted to main event WrestleMania main event WrestleMania.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Marty Scurll © w/ Bad Luck Fale
This match is four hours long and it's all The LaBell Lock. Scurll tries to escape it by hitting Bryan with a Discus Elbow, but Bryan falls on his head and, with no Wade Barrett around to save him, dies for good. Scurll pins the corpse and he and Fale celebrate his first successful title defense, ONLY FOR THE ROOF OF THE BACKSTAGE AREA TO SUDDENLY COME OFF! THE RYBACK IS HERE! HE HAS GROWN TO IMMEASURABLE LENGTHS AND NOW LOOMS LARGE OVER THE WHOLE OF LEVI'S STADIUM!
Wind sweeps through the arena and people go flying through the air. Some have their eyes melted from their sockets, some catch on fire immediately. The God of Hunger's shadow stretches far over the plains of The Golden State, and truly the world at large for that matter. He has finally awoken. He is not angry. Not sad. Not mellow or overjoyed or consumed by any overwhelming emotion. This is simply what he is. A raw, uncontrollable entity of destruction. This is his nature. He feels nothing as thousands die beneath his feet. Lesnar awakes, tries to grab his Soulsword, but he is grabbed up like an ant in the fingers of The Ryback and consumed before he can. Scurll watches on from below, hair sweeping back over his head, face contorting evermore in horror as Bad Luck Fale is crushed into a tiny ball behind him. All his life and he never could've imagined.
It is beautiful. He screams. It is beautiful. He screams. It is beautiful. He screams.
He screams.
Join us tomorrow night for Monday Night RAW.

…Continuing…
“The landowner’s name is Dr. Ferdinand Suchánek, or “Dr. Fred” as he likes to be called. You two should get along like a house afire.” Agent Rack chuckled.
“Dr. Fred. OK. Doctor of what, may I ask?” I asked.
“Ah, yes. He’s a Doctor of Applied Chemistry.” Agent Ruin replied. “And Assorted Nasties”.
“Interesting.”, I said with furrowed eyebrow. “Retired?”
“As retired as you”, Agent Ruin noted. “He into some weird things, as he worked here on the Farm for many years. You guys should get along spiffily.” Agent Rack said.
“Send on the info”, I replied. “Dossier here?”
“We didn’t say otherwise”, came the usually oblique answer from Agent Ruin.
“Alrighty, then”, I said, “The sooner I hang up with you guys the sooner I can be making holes at Dr. Fred’s place.”
“There’s that ol’ Rocknocker spirit”, Rack said.
“And the new and improved Dr. Rocknocker per diem and day rate.” I noted back. “Bye now.”

“Well”, I said to Khan, who was eavesdropping on the conversation ever since he heard me mention his name, “Want to go on a field trip?”
He ran and got his leash.
He’s learning. And l earning well.
I explained all the folderol to Esme and said that I had no idea how long I’d be gone.
“Couple-three days, but less than a fortnight”, I offered.
“And you’re taking Khan?” Es asked.
“Yeah”, I replied, “Dr. Fred’s ranch is good sized. Horses, cattle, some bison and the usual farmyard menagerie. Let’s just see how well Khan’s learned his lessons. Besides, you wanted to visit Pat in the Big City, so here’s your chance.”
“Lovely”, Esme cooed, “I’ll ring Pat and see if she’s available for some shopping and maybe a show.”
“Go nuts”, I replied, “I’m off having fun, you should as well.”
“Done and done”, Es smiled, as I prepared a quick snack and tot for before the long load ahead.
I get Khan’s paraphernalia packed and realize that the motor for the Vibracore will fit in the back of my truck, but I’m going to need a trailer for the tripod and assorted bits-n-pieces.
A quick call over to the U-Tote store and an 18’ trailer appears in our drive. I find the proper ball for the hitch, attach same and clamp the trailer down.
Khan thinks it’s great fun riding on the lowboy trailer as I back it up to my “Professional Shed” where I keep all the tools of my trade, along with a spare fridge, ice machine and 32” TV for when I need to get some distance between me and the house.
“Khan”, I said, “Sorry, but you’re in the truck with me. I need all of this trailer for the Vibracore equipment.”
When I suddenly realized I was apologizing to and explaining why the big doofus can’t ride back here….
“I really need to get out more”, I muttered to no one in particular.
We were all packed, trussed down and ready to go when Esme reminded me that I needed to take my fingers and charger with.
“Good thing you didn’t get your head in those power tongs”, she joked. “You’d forget that as well.”
With a smooch and a smirk, I hefted Khan’s not inconsiderable mass into the cab of my truck. I made sure we had water, Kahn chow, treats, leash, walkie bags, field bag for walkies and the like.
By comparison, I had virtually nothing extra. Some shorts, a couple of shirts a box of cigars, a case of bourbon, a box of Du Pont Herculene Extra-Fast 60%, a box of blasting caps and boosters, Captain America detonation machine, Primacord, det wire, and my explosives travel bag with a couple of galvanometers, pliers, screwdrivers, cannon fuse, accentuators, accelerators, and that last of that finally stabilized Moldovan binary that I really need to use.
Just the bare minimum.
Oh, and a case of Foster’s Lager in the big, motor-oil sized cans.
One must remain hydrated in these the dog days of summer.
Realizing we’re only going 100 or so kilometers west, I stop and a Kum-n-Go to pick up a load of beef jerky for Khan and myself. I mean, there are protocols that must be followed for any road trip.
So with Khan slobbering over the passenger window and his side of the windscreen, I pop in a CD. It was Pink Floyd’s “Animals” and Khan always howls when it gets to “Dogs”.
OK, I agree. Anyone looking at our little caravan as we ply the highways and byways would get a pretty strong eyeful. A 275-pound fur-bound hound howling along with the music while a one-handed Stetson-bedecked driver navigates down the road at outside speed while simultaneously balancing a lit Fuentes Onyx Super maduro cigar.
My fingers were packed and damned if I was going to stop to dig them out…
Dr. Fred’s place was conveniently out in the country. Big, fenced in area that he ran some cattle, a few bison, and an assortment of other farmyardy typical animals.
He sat on the fence, next to the bump gate, chain smoking ‘Belomorkanal’ Russian cigarettes.
I pull up and off the road, tell Khan to cool it for a few, and walk over to the austere fellow.
He was sort of the flipside of me. Thin, rail-like, jittery, balding and slashing of eye.
“Dr. Fred?” I ventured.
He spryly hopped down from the fence, jutted out a bony appurtenance that could only be described as a hand due to its location at the end of his arm.
I grasped it and a surprisingly manly handshake ensued.
“You are the Dr. Rocknocker?” He asked.
“Actually, the one and only”, I replied, going off on a little tangent regarding his choice of personal pronoun.
“Gott”, he said, giving me the once over, “You are very big.”
“Yes”, I was forced to agree. “My parents saved many box tops so that I could be massive later in life.”
“Ah”, he waggled what I think was a finger in my direction, “Agents Rack and Ruin warned me of the Rocknocker sense of humor. Very droll. Very dry.”
“Yeah, right”, I replied, “Look, Dr. Fred…”
“Just Fred”, he admonished.
“OK, Just Fred, call me Rock.” I replied.
Fred laughed like a chicken after it had caught a June bug. “OK…Rock.”
“Yeah”, I replied again. “It’s been a longish, hot trip. Care for a libation?”
“Oh!”, Just Fred replied gleefully, “Your reputation precedes you! Yes, I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
I snagged two Foster’s oil cans out of the cooler and opened the door for Khan to stretch his legs.
“YIKES!”, Dr Fred yelped. “What the hell is that?”
“That”, I replied, “Is Khan. He’s my canine, and I am his human. Don’t let the size spook you. He’s a gentle giant.”
As Khan wanders over to Fred, sits at his feet and looks up expectantly for ear scritches.
Dr. Fred complies.
“I have to admit, Dr. Rock, er, Rock”, Fred continued, “I have heard rumors of you and your exploits. I can see they don’t live up to reality.”
“How’s that?” I asked, slightly irritated.
“Reality’s not big enough for you and your hound!” said Fred, convulsing with laughter.
“I’ve never found reality anything to crow about. Reality’s overrated.” I said, sipping beer and puffing on my cigar.
“Oh, and your hand. Agents Rack and Ruin informed me. That won’t impact out work here, do you think?’ He asked.
“Not in the lightest.”, I replied, “I have three of my fingers packed somewhere in my luggage. I can make do on this little job without my thumb and minimus while pulling core.”
“I am relieved”, Fred replied, “Well, why don’t we get across the gate, and down the road. My field office is about 3 kilometers south. I’ll walk and meet you there.”
“Nonsense”, I replied and whistled for Khan.
“UP!”, I said and Khan was on the trailer, poised like a lookout.
“We’ll go slowly”, I noted, “He’ll be fine back there. You can ride up front. How’s that?”
“Splendid”, Fred replied. “I walked down a while back to await your arrival. I sort of forgot it would be another 3 kilometers back. Age is a…”
“…copper-bottomed bitch”, I concluded for him.
“Quite.” He agreed through draughts of foamy Australian beer.
The arduous 3-kilometer trip was concluded without incident.
Seems ol’ Fred had himself a field dog as well. Beauregard, an ancient bloodhound; better known as Beau.
I wondered what Khan, the young pup, might have to say about a much older, let’s say, Alpha dog, especially here in these environs.
Well, we didn’t have to wait long. Khan and ol’ Beau checked each other out in the usual canine manner. Khan bounced around like he’d found a long-lost friend and Beau seemed to even be a bit animated by the antics of Khan.
From that point onwards, they were inseparable.
Fred showed us all into his field office/home of the last 30 years.
It was at once very familiar. All the appurtenances of an old industrial scientist who still kept his hand, as it were, in the game.
I felt as if I was in a newly discovered room back home.
We sipped beers, I smoked cigars while Fred preferred his Syrian Latakia and gnarled old Umm Paul-shaped pipe.
Fred pulled out a series of faded old USGS topographic maps, and from the looks of things, the terrain was flat as a Kansas pancake. Oh, there were a few high spots and a couple of low holes, but overall, as flat as yesterday’s beer left out in the sun.
He showed me where he thinks there might lie a good sandpit, and it was apparent to me that since this was the only spot for miles in any direction that had some topographic expression, I was forced to agree.
Ol’ Fred said we could ride out and take a look to day, but beyond that, as far as he was concerned, the day was already a wash.
He had a couple of older model dirt bikes of some 150cc output. Fred was delighted to know that I used to ride Harleys, but had to give that up along with golf around my second laminectomy.
We left Ol’ Beau and Khan in the house with a half-bag each of Khan Snacks.
Nothing short of dynamite blasters would have moved those two from the comfort of the living room’s well-worn wooden floor.
Fred and I rode out and did our initial reconnaissance. Simple as cake to drive out tomorrow and set up the Vibracore equipment. Easy as pie.
I told Fred that we’d have his answer tomorrow. I wasn’t overly optimistic, just due to the size of the surface expression, but if went laterally before it changed stratigraphically to a mud or shale, he just might be on to something.
The age of the sand was Pleistocene, as this was the work of recent glaciers. Unpredictable and deranged in their deposition, but I feel we had a good idea of what was what.
Back to Fred’s abode, and I tinkered with some stuff out in the trailer while Fred makes his famous Chili.
After road snacks, overly salted and heavily processed jerky and a few dozen beers, the aroma wafting out of the place reminded me that I was damned hungry.
I threw a tarp over the Vibracore apparatus, went in, got a beer and produced a fresh bottle of Blavod black vodka; I proceeded to create a couple of very nice Yorschs for Fred and myself while the chili simmered.
“So, Dr. Fred”, I said, slurping my Yorsch and lighting a new cigar, “What did the boys from the farm have you doing in your Virginia tenure?”
“Oh, hell”, Fred chuckled, “That’s classified”.
“I’m good for Sensitive Compartmented Information (SCI)”, I replied.
“That’s right”, Fred lighted up, “You would be. OK, well, back on the farm, they didn’t call me ‘Dr. Fred’.”
“They didn’t?” I asked hurriedly.
“No”, Fred smiled, “They used to call me…Dr. Death.”
“Really?” I replied, impressed. I’ve heard legions of tales about the elusive Dr. Death and here I am ready to break bread with him.
“Oh, yes”, Fred smiled, enlightened by nostalgia. “Back in the 60s and 70s, I came up with some doozies for our Eastern and Northern friends. Assorted Nasties.”
“That, I’ll bet’” I replied.
“Oh, now none of that”, Dr. Fred laughed, “They were trying to do the same to us all along. It was a race to see who attained the result first.”
“I’ve been through those same hallowed halls”, I said, “But years later and under much different circumstances.”
The chili almost burned as Dr. Fred and Dr. Rock sat in his comfy living room and swapped stories about our adventures and misadventures in places long forgotten which most people couldn’t find with a well-drawn map and the latest GSP device.
After dinner and tending to our canine charges, it grew too soon dark and too late to continue, considering we had real work awaiting us in the morning. We and our charges retired for the night to our respective bedrooms.
The next day dawned clear and bright which so often happens when there’s no full-on nuclear exchange or assorted nasties the night before.
After an austere breakfast of all-terrain pancakes (waffles), venison backstraps and Greenland Coffees; we stuffed both dogs into the back of my truck and Fred and I drove out to his hopeful sandpit with the Vibracore equipment.
The previous night, I made a vellum layover of the topographic map and gridded it out in manageable sections. I figured 4 vertical core holes would tell us what we wanted to know, while another slant hole, based on the result of the previous holes would let us delimit the area of prospectivity.
I set out with lane-marking paint and ‘Fwssssh’-ed four spots on the ground where the vertical holes would go.
I forgot all about Khan and Beau, but heard a braying ruckus about a half-mile distant. Fred said it sounds like they were on a rabbit.
“Well”, I added, “I hope it’s just a bunny and not a skunk, porcupine, or feral hog.”
“Beau knows to leave those alone”, Fred reassured me, “Besides, what I see from Khan, he could handle a Russian Boar with one bite.”
“There is that”, I smiled, and went back to erecting the tripod for the Vibracore system.
The Vibracore System is simplicity itself in operation. It is a state-of-art sediment sampling technology to obtain undisturbed cores of unconsolidated, sediment in saturated or nearly saturated conditions by driving sampling tubes with a high-frequency-low-amplitude vibrating device.
By the use of the Vibrasponge (one of my co-patents), Vibracore can now be taken in dry sediments as well. The foam core insert expands upon being driven downward with the tube to encase the sediments in a love-embrace and prevent them from moving.
Don’t tell anyone, but the Vibrasponge is based on pool noodle technology.
Why work hard when one can work smart?
Anyways, I’ve rigged the tripod and first core tube.
and we’re down 10 meters.
Three more times and we’ve “fence posted” the project.
I decide on one oblique section to tie in the north and south of the project. So we have about 50 meters of core all nicely laid out in their respective tubes.
Some quick work with a Sawzall^® and now we have 50 meters of open core laying on the ground for all to see and interpret.
I fire up a cigar, take a quick swig from my silver pocket flask and kneel down to get to work.
Except, it’s so obvious, even a second year Geophysicist could see the detail and make a rough guess as to what’s going on here.
The most sand is in tube 3 and that is seven meters.
The other tubes have less sand and more dark, granitic grus); ‘rotten granite’ or granite ‘wash’ under them.
I do some quick mental calculation and call over Ol’ Fred.
“Freddo,” I say, “Based on the cored interval here, you’ve got sand reserves of about 300 cubic meters.”
“Aw, shit”, Fred replies after handing back my considerably lighter flask.
“Now, now; Herr Doctor”, I say, “You’re missing the big picture.”
“How’s that”? he asks.
“Well”, I reply, “It’s going to take a little excavation, but you’re sitting on some good-looking ‘granite’ here; speaking constructionally, not geologically. That’s only a cursory reading. We’ll have to remove the sand and do a bit of blasting, but I think, in my not so humble opinion, that’d be worth the effort.”
“OK, you’ve convinced me.”, Fred replies, “What’s the plan?”
Riding on the fender of Fred’s JI Case 590 Super N backhoe/loader, Fred asks me if I know how to operate such a contraption.
Seems he grandfathered in with the unit when he bought the property. He can drive it, but not operate it.
“Oh, my yes”, I said with a wide grin, “It’s so easy, even a chemist would have no trouble learning.”
“Watch that”, Ol’ Fred snickered, “You never know what went into your chili last night.”
I countered with “Oh, yeah. Well, just you be careful starting your car.”
We often had these little parochial exchanges. The more creative they got, the more we were impressed with each other’s abilities.
Ol’ Fred might be able to croak you in thousands of creative ways, but I can do likewise and make the corpse disappear as well.
Besides, Ol’ Fred was a midnight pyromaniac as well.
I mean, what well-adjusted human male isn’t?
We returned to the ‘sandpit’ site, as it were where I gave Fred a quick lesson in how to run a Case backhoe and explained what I intended.
“We’ll scrape the surface down a half meter from core point to core point.” I explained.
“Then we excavate the rest of the sand?” Fred asked.
“Yeah”, I replied, “But we’ll do that my way. It’ll be faster in the long run”.
“Energetically?” Fred smiled.
“Most.” I replied stoically.
With a bunker of the removed sand to the left of the pit, I set about using some good old dynamite and millisecond delay boosters to design a wavefront blast.
Row one (on the far right) would detonate, then row 2, row 3 and so forth; each wave of the detonation chain reinforcing the last, causing an ‘earthwave’ which will shift the stuff we want piled up over and out of our way.
Fred stood transfixed until I asked him to grab me some more blasting caps, that spool of Primacord, and a few extra sticks of dynamite.
“The wonders of chemistry”, Fred smiled as he handed me the boomsticks.
“Applied chemistry, mt dear doctor”, I corrected, “Detonics at its finest.”
So, we’re wired up and totally galved. I began to ‘Clear the Compass’ when I realized I hadn’t seen Khan or Beau all day.
I killed the site, and tied it down (made it inoperative) and hollered for Khan.
Fred called for Beau likewise.
We needn’t have worried, because 5 minutes later, they lope up.
Obviously out of breath, but filled with the joy of chasing squirrels, or whatever all day.
Plus, both were filthy.
Well, then again. So were Ol’ Fred and my own self.
Fred took the time to ask what I was doing, and in great 3-part harmony, I filled him in on the precautions I do before every explosive event I orchestrate.
And today’s no different.
“Rock”, Fred says, “There’s no humans around for miles. Why not just go ahead…”
“No. Won’t happen.” I said, “I’m not just concerned about humans, Fred.”
“You’re the boss”, Fred said.
“I’m actually the *Motherfucking Pro from Dover”, but those are several other stories.” I noted.
Fred was OK with that and asked what he could do to help.
“Watch, listen, learn”, I said.
I Cleared the Compass myself. Asked if there’s anyone around. Asked again at heightened volume.
No replies.
I hit my airhorn thrice.
And with the, Khan bolts for my truck and jumps into the cab.
Beau follows, albeit somewhat more slowly. He crawls into the cab of my truck with Khan.
“FIRE IN THE HOLE! FIRE IN THE HOLE! FIRE IN THE HOLE!”
I hand Fred the Captain America detonator.
“See the big, shiny, red button Fred?”
He nods that he does.
“When I say ‘HIT IT’, hit the big, shiny red button and hang on to your ass.”
Fred nods again.
I do a little flourish, a big sweep, point directly at Fred and yell “HIT IT!”
Fred’s nothing if not a quick learner.
He drops to a squat as he’s hitting the big, red, shiny button.
Everything goes as planned. Electrons moving down the wires to the Primacord, to the millisecond-delay caps, row 1, row 2, etc.
When the smoke clears, Khan barks deliriously and bounds out of my truck and over to me.
He figured that out all on his own.
I blow that airhorn, and he hates what comes next; so he goes and hides in my truck. But after that big badda-boom, it’s time for scritchies and Khan snacks.
Clever old moose. He’s really part of the family. He fits in so well…
Beau, on the other hand, moseys over and wonders why his master is crouching in a shallow hole.
“Damn, Rock”, Fred exclaims, “I think I was denied certain, mission-critical, need to know information..”
“Like what?”
“You never said it was going to be that damned loud!” He smiled.
“I had figured that even a chemist could have figured that out beforehand…”, I snickered.
We retired to the shade of a huge oak tree for cigars, a few tots and the remainder of the beef jerky.
Fred got one piece, I received one, Beau and Khan cleaned up the rest.
We spent the rest of the afternoon clearing the potential quarry. The sand was easily removed with small arms weapons and hand-to-hand methods. The ‘grantitic’ grus was in places well cemented and would yield until I had introduced it to some of my alphanumeric friends: C-4, PETX, RDX, etc.
Back at Fred place, the hounds were snoring in front of a low fire Fred liked to keep stoked, while I puttered away with trying to determine the provenance, quality and hell, name for the rock ,found on Fred’s North 40.
It wasn’t granite, per se, but a dark black, nearly monomineralic dimension stone. Black dimensional stones are known on the international market as ‘‘black granites’’ because their hardness and strength are similar to those shown by granitic rocks.
Petrologically, these rocks are classified as gabbros, norites, diorites, dolerites (or its synonym: diabase), basalts and anorthosites. The prices for black dimensional stones on the international market vary from 900 to 2,400 US$/m^3.
I sent photomicrographs of the rock on Fred place to several practicing mineralogists and petrologists I know. It was unanimous, the rock on Fred’s farm was Black Diabase (or Dolerite if you’re British).
The term ‘dolerite’, synonymous with ‘diabase’ and microgabbro, is used to describe an igneous hypabyssal rock of dark color composed of plagioclase (labradorite in composition) and clinopyroxene (normally augite or titanoaugite), with opaques as the main accessory minerals (magnetite, titanomagnetite or ilmenite). The grain size is between that of gabbro and basalt (medium-grained, between 1 and 5 mm) and the typical texture is ophitic or subophitic (laths of plagioclase totally or partially surrounded by crystals of augite).
Structurally, in Fred’s quarry, three main joint sets occur, two sub-vertical and one horizontal. The two subvertical sets are orthogonal: one parallel to the quarry walls striking 050–075 and dipping toward the NW or SE and the other one perpendicular to the quarry walls striking to 320–360 and dipping toward the NE or SW. The sub-horizontal joint set shows dips up to 10⁰ in all directions.
In the opinions of all the petrologists and mineralogists contacted, this rock, if expansive enough to yield good, rectilinear blocks of quarry minimum 2x2x2 meters, it would be worth much in the line of dollars for Fred.
“Fred”, I said, “I used to be a quarry manager. Now, we’re giving birth to a new quarry. Thing is, until we open it up a bit more, we’ll never know what we’ve got here. It’s up to you, should we tear up your North 40 some more and answer the questions of the quarry’s extent or piss on the fire and call the dogs, as that’s a wrap?”
“You sure you have enough explosives to answer that question?” Fred smiled.
“If I don’t”, I replied, even more smiley, “I know of services that’ll deliver.”
Vibracore wasn’t a whole lot of use, well, that is, we didn’t really need core any longer. But we did need to drill several hundred “slimholes” or parametric wells to tell us the depth to the top of the diabase (or granite, or dolerite or igneous rock. OK. Whatever.).
Easily solved.
A few 10m lengths of ¾” rebar, threaded, and use the motor on the Vibracore to drive them down, down, down until the intersect the top of the hard, igneous rock. The Vibracore would push that rebar into the local Pleistocene alluvium as easily as you push a thumbtack into a cork board. But it’d actually stop and ring once it hit that hard igneous stiff.
We’d record those numbers and we’d generate a map of “Surficial fill” about the quarry stone.
In no instance, even when we braved it off the map and onto Fred’s neighbor’s place, did we find fill in excess of 15 meters.
That was a good thing.
…To be continued…

There are hundreds of books and websites about infidelity, reconciliation, rebuilding trust, porn and sex addiction, etc., but it feels like 99.9% of them have a religious slant. I'm looking at books on Amazon right now and have so many tabs open in Chrome that it's showing me a smiley face instead of a number. 🤦‍♀️ If the synopsis doesn't mention God or sin then the reviews do. I'm really struggling to find secular resources and would appreciate it so much if y'all could point me in the right direction.

When is a fish not a fish?
I’ve been trying to sort this out for a few days. I thought maybe I could come for a little bit of advice or maybe even an I.D. Honestly, this isn’t the first odd “rescue” that has come through our door. I have my suspicions about the others but so far…I’ll admit, I’m at a loss.
I really, really wish I could show you guys a picture. I just don’t want to be accused of suddenly developing crazy photoshop skills. Again. Because when I first sent a picture to my little brother, his reaction was to declare it was cool and he asked who made it. When I told him it was probably some weird genetic experiment and I was just really, really hoping it was actually a freshwater fish since I just dumped it in one of our quarantine tanks…he got pretty annoyed and told me he didn’t appreciate being woken up at five something in the morning with some stupid joke to show off my PS abilities.
We’ll call him Cal. I don’t want to use real names right now because things are weird.
Cal changed his tune from “man, my oldest sister, what an obnoxious prankster” to “what the fuck is that” real quick when he came in a few hours later. Why he thought I was pranking him when my most advanced humor is typically sending him Skyrim memes at the more reasonable hour of around 2AM, I don’t know. Maybe given our store’s history, he was hoping it was just a prank. It definitely wasn’t.
This is all over the place. I’m sorry. I’m also not sorry. I think if you were me, you’d probably be a bit all over the place, too.
Let me give you a little history. Just a bit, for now. I’m not sure how much I want to get into. When I told Cal and my kids I was going to write this out for Reddit to weigh in on, they enthusiastically encouraged me to give you guys the full scoop on our store oddities. I gave them the ultimate mom answer of “we’ll see”.
About five years ago, we faced a couple of back to back terrible losses. My kids lost their father thanks to a drunk driver and I lost my remaining grandparent. You expect the loss of a grandparent. The sudden loss of your significant other, even if estranged, is something else. We’re all still in therapy. I’m not ashamed of it. I was the primary beneficiary when it came to both of them and it left my kids and I in a very different monetary situation than we had been in before. I’m not joking when I say life changing money. My siblings and niblings were all left very well off too, so thankfully, there was no drama over money. Not that there likely would have been. We’re all really close. Point being, people died, we got money. It sounds horrible and cold, but that’s the reality of the situation.
Fish keeping was a hobby my kids and I have been into since they were toddlers. Nothing fancy. Just your average freshwater fish keepers. Bettas, dwarf cichlids, tetras, etc. When we were paid out, my kids and I decided to take our hobby to the next level and turn it into a business. The start up funds being immediately available made it possible. The fact that we’re in a Midwest state where the nearest urban LFS has a two star rating and the only other options are big box pet stores (the names of which I’m sure you can guess) meant that we have had success. After the first three years, we’ve become pretty comfortable. Most of the money we received as beneficiaries has been tucked away on the sound advice of family members who worked big time in finance. We’re comfortable, business is thriving, and we have enough tucked away to cover college, any business emergencies, etc.
You’ll probably notice I use “we” a lot. My kids are teens, pretty awesome ones in my opinion, but they both really inspired me to get out of my depressive slump and follow a passion the three of us have had for years. They have almost as much say in the store as I do. Especially my oldest. We’ll call them J. J’s dream was to run a LFS that promoted responsible fish keeping. We don’t sell tanks under 5gals. The largest fish we sell are Sailfin Mollies. We provide services including tank start up, maintenance, aqua scaping, etc. We have a couple of family members and family friends that work for us and help keep it all balanced. We don’t sell monster fish. We don’t do saltwater. Everything is “low tech” (yes, I’ve been keeping fish for twenty years and I’m still scared of CO2, sue me) and aimed at helping beginners develop and keep their love of fish. We travel to take care of tanks in nursing homes, schools, offices, etc. We work with one of the local colleges, a nearby fishery, the DNR…we do a lot.
One of J’s dreams was to rescue fish as well. J was always distressed by the amount of people that would get goldfish as throwaway pets. Goldfish were always one of their loves. So we got into fish rescue and that…that really leads to where we are today.
See, we don’t sell monster fish. But boy do we keep them. We have a large outdoor pond for the real behemoths like the comets and assorted fancy koi that get dumped on us. We have a large indoor one for the slightly less behemoth fancies, like moors and ranchus that also get dumped on us. We have a native biotope tank for all the local fish that people like to haul out of lakes and riverways and keep until they become too problematic but can’t be released safely. We have a big tropical tank for all the cute little oscars that are purchased at 3 inches long but then grow to 18 inches of insatiable water puppyhood. A lot of our rescues are moved to other rescues, sometimes aquariums, sometimes colleges. We only have a few permanent residents…our…oddities…that stay permanently. Most of our rescue is supported by our personal funds, but we also get donations for letting college students intern with us or for hosting events. Because a fancy event in front of a huge lake biotope is just *chef’s kiss*.
This is all important to know because this is what led up to our newest addition three days ago. It isn’t uncommon for me to come in at about 5 in the morning to find a tote, a box, a garbage bag, tupperware, etc. with a fish, turtle, frog, whatever outside the shop doors. The store has a big quarantine system since we’re regularly receiving and shipping fish. The only time it becomes an issue is if we get a saltwater or brackish buddy dropped off. Fortunately, I know a few local keepers that are down with taking in those guys, so it’s never MUCH of an issue. Just more of an inconvenience. The new fish is kept in quarantine and appropriately treated for at least three weeks before we put it up for adoption, reach out to other keepers and rescues, or decide to keep them. At this point, it happens so often, it’s almost a daily routine.
Find a fish. Identify fish. Plop in a quarantine tank. Treat fish. Decide fate of fish.
The black tote had a note on it. Not uncommon. A lot of people will leave apologetic notes. Sometimes they even leave money. Sometimes food. Sometimes a whole ass tank. Notes are the most common. This one wasn’t really different from any other note I’ve received.
“Hello Leah!
I really hate to do this. My circumstances have changed and I’m unable to keep him any longer. I hate to downsize my collection. Unfortunately, life has other ideas for me. I think he would be very happy with you. Please don’t forget his “treasure”. He’s very attached to it!”
There was no name but a cute squiggly smiley face. I definitely rolled my eyes.
I also definitely screamed.
When I opened the tote to see what was inside I was greeted with something that vaguely resembled a pissed off Predator (yeah, THAT Predator) launching itself like a homing missile at my face. I screamed. I screamed like a goddamned baby. I’m not ashamed to say I slammed the tote lid down on the long, sleek body that thrashed inside until it snapped shut.
I sat there, on my ass, for an indeterminate amount of time. Inside the tote was a furious sloshing of water and an even more furious…clicking. To be honest, it was like listening to someone aggressively typing on a mechanical keyboard. I remained on my ass until the sounds stopped. I realized I had been muttering “Okay. Okay. Okay.” to myself for at least several minutes.
I was absolutely not okay. My first thought was that someone had somehow delivered me a deepsea nightmare. How does the meme go? “When the jaws open wide, and there’s more jaws inside, that’s a Moray!” Yeah. That’s where my mind went to. Someone delivered me a fucking eel. Or another snakehead.
Yes, I have a snakehead. Yes, she’s as much of a pain as you can imagine a large, intelligent, predatory fish that can squiggle on land can be. I’m not even sure she’s exactly a snakehead but yeah…that’s another story for another time.
I calmed down after a while. It was freezing out but the tote was surprisingly warm. I figured my new nightmare would be fine until I got in and got a dollie to move it. I calmed myself with the morning routine. The lights were slowly rising in the tanks, waking up the hundreds of adorable fish faces that greeted me every morning. I did my morning checks, starting with the sell tanks and plant tanks. I moved back to the quarantine, wincing as I remembered the tote outside. I medicated as needed, checked the breeder tanks, checked the big boy houses, and checked the pond. The weather has been freezing but the pond heaters were doing their jobs well, keeping the ice at bay. I explained again to the denizens of the pond that they were on a winter diet, but as usual, the massive carp faces that blurped at the surface were unimpressed with my lack of food or treats for them.
I fired up the register, checked the cameras. There were some static blips and missing time here and there. That was par for course. It was just one of the things we’re used to at the store. Over the past few years, we’ve learned it’s just best to ignore some things. Everything else was in order. I had a couple of angry messages from wannabe customers that weren’t happy about my refusal to sell and ship fish while the temps hovered in the double negatives with windchill. They got the standard, one click response outlining why we didn’t ship in negative temps and when we expected to resume shipping. Most of our business is local or through neighboring states, so it doesn’t bother me to tell some pissed off dude in New York that I won’t send him the fish he apparently needs now and absolutely cannot wait a week for. If he keeps emailing us, I’ll invite him to be publicly shamed on Yelp or wherever he wants to leave his review.
The morning bullshit dealt with, I had an even bigger pile of bullshit to deal with. The tote outside my front doors. I cursed, just mildly, and ran a dollie out the back of quarantine room. It was almost ominously quiet as I scooted the tote onto the dollie, shifted it backwards, and made my way back to the quarantine room. I repeated the process in reverse and stood for a few minutes, staring at it. There was nothing to do but…to do it, I guess. Depending on the situation, sometimes I plop and pray. Other times, I try my best to acclimate our new friend to our water conditions. Shock is a real bitch when it comes to new fish, and we try to minimize it as best we can. For totes as large as this one, I’d typically run a line in and line out and slowly drain the current water while adding water from our own system. The process on a large tote could take a few hours and it all depended on the condition of the fish. Which I’ll be honest, I was not keen on checking.
Still.
I lifted one side of the latching lid up and jumped back. Immediately I was greeted with aggressive splashing and again, that weird frantic clicking. A long coil of fish flopped out briefly, and deep blue scales edged with an orange-gold shone for a moment before retreating under the other half of the lid. I found myself sighing with relief. At that point, I was pretty sure I was dealing with an arowana. A very expensive one. Why they dumped it versus selling it was beyond me, but far be it from me to master the mind of a monster fish keeper.
I promise I’m not trying to shit on you guys.
I ran the lines while my new friend did his best to hide under the other half of the lid. I didn’t get too close to the open half of the tote. I did a pretty good job of convincing myself that the four different jaws I saw trying to eat my face was just a combination of my imagination and sleep deprivation. I didn’t do that great of a job, though, and I allowed myself just some minor peeking. It was enough to make me start doubting my arowana theory. It just seemed too long. The brilliant orange gold fins seemed to flow too much. The scales seemed right though. Did arowanas come in veiltail types? Like I said, I only pity keep the big guys. We have two arowanas but they aren’t anything like the thing in the tote.
I set a timer and I was soon pretty absorbed in the day to day business of owning a fish store. I had done the minor morning bullshit, and now it was time for the big morning bullshit. I usually rocked into work around 5 or so and the shop opened around 9. There was a lot to do. Most early mornings, it was just myself until 7 or so when Jack or another employee or sibling would ramble in. I take care of most of the water monitoring. We have three different professional grade systems as well as a couple of more DIY systems running. Every day I search for leaks, cracks, any sign of potential catastrophe. It takes a lot to run a combination store, educational zone, rescue center, breeding operation, practice zone for vet med students who want to work with aquatics…it just takes a lot. Most mornings I’m zoned out, running both a mental and physical check sheet. Even with the new arrival, I quickly slid into that zone again. One weird fish was important, but I had literally thousands of other little (and some big) lives depending on me making sure their homes weren’t about to bust or that something weird didn’t happen to our water or that our heater system hadn’t failed.
I was back in the quarantine room marking off some tanks for planned arrivals once the weather warmed when I heard the clicking again. It wasn’t raging gamer clacking on a mechanical keyboard clicking this time. If clicking could sound like anything, it was almost a question.
Click. Clickclickclick. Click?
I turned towards the tote and the fish was staring at me.
Fish stare. That’s kind of their thing. I was not prepared for the weird hybrid face perched on the top of the tote. Imagine, if you will, someone took a gar, a betta, an arowana, a bichir, and a mudskipper and threw them in a blender. Blunt snout, forward facing eyes perched on the top of the head, a wide downward slanted mouth with the hint of two too many sets of jaws, and exaggerated wavering barbels..one on each of the bottom jaws. It was perched like a mudskipper, stumpy but powerful pectorals holding it up like a wobbling fish-cobra…thing.
I stared. He stared back. As fish do.
Click…click?
As he (suddenly, he became a firm “him” in my mind) clicked, the two lower jaws moved together in a rasping way. Oh there definitely were teeth behind there. My first impression of a pissed off Predator had not really been that far off. The clicking sound seemed to be caused by the two lower jaws rubbing together. It crossed my mind that a staring contest with a fish really wasn’t a fair one, but only briefly as the timer on my phone began blaring loudly.
“Ah.”
The fish (“fish”?) tilted his broad, somewhat flat head, long whiskery barbels on his bottom jaws twitching at me.
“I don’t…I don’t know how you want to do this?” I inched towards the tote, just barely near enough to flip off the water flow, “But I need you in there.”
I pointed toward one of the empty 75s. We have a couple of bigger quarantine tanks, but they were currently nursing a couple of stingrays being cared for by a couple of vetmed students.
Click?
I swear, the fucking fish looked at me and then at the tank.
“Uh yeah, see,” I inched toward the tote, the bright golden eyes of the new resident boring into my soul the whole time. I opened the lid of the 75 and patted the rim, “This is your new home and I’d really like to do this the easy way…”
The tote exploded. I’m not sure how else to put it. It seemed to spontaneously fall apart in a plume of water and a violent swirling of blue and orange. The next thing I knew, the fish was crawling up my body, stumpy feet like pectoral and pelvic fins digging into my skin as it scampered up the side of my body, over my shoulders, before flipping into the tank with a stinging slap against my face.
I yelped something sounding like “BLUH???” as the fish, much longer than I had thought, coiled himself up at the bottom of the tank, looking smug in a way only fish can look.
I was panting. At least I didn’t need a net? The speed of it shocked me. The tote was in several pieces, water dripping down into the grates where it would be whisked away and out of the building. I stood there…I don’t know how long for…before I grappled for my phone. It was wet, and not for the first time I was glad I invested in a heavy duty waterproof case, and after a few misfires in unlocking it, I managed to quickly snap a picture of our new denizen. I’ll admit…I was in complete shock. Nothing could have prepared me for the way he had moved. The power behind the tote shattering, the weird monitor-like way he had scuttled across the floor and up my body…I shuddered, remembering the feeling of the sharp, hard scales dragging over my shoulders and neck. Once he was in the tank though, he just…stopped. His gills calmly fluttered, his long, heavy body looped around itself. His pectoral and pelvic fins were stumpy and foot like, the fins short and heavily rayed. His dorsal fin was a tall, brilliant sail of orange gold flecked with deep blues and led into a long, spade shaped caudal fin. His anal fin was short and almost non existent. His scales were a deep indigo edged in the same golden orange of his fins, but his belly and lower jaws were a brilliant white.
Stunning. Fucking scary, but stunning. His weird hybrid face stared at me, his jaws no longer rasping together. When sitting calmly like this, he seemed almost like a normal fish. Weird, no doubt, but normal weird. Not unholy jaws and crawling across the floor weird.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
I repeated myself several more times as I sent the picture to Cal. Who then cursed at me for waking him up for some stupid photoshop monstrosity. I wasn’t in the mood to argue and he’d be in soon enough to see this thing with his own eyes. I began picking up the pieces of the tote, both impressed that the fish had broken it since it seemed pretty heavy duty and mourning its loss because hey, a free tote is a free tote. As I was picking it up, I noticed something on the floor. It was one of those cheap, ceramic treasure chest decorations. Probably a dollar or two at any big box pet store. I picked it up and looked it over. I barely registered that it was the treasure the note had referred to when furious clicking picked up again.
A fucking nightmare. He was a fucking night mare. Four sets of jaws opened in rage, feathery, bright red protrusions flaring from his gills as the fish began to lose his fucking mind. Previously, in the area of “most teeth”, I held our resident muskie Mona as the winner but as far as I could see down this arowana-eel-fuck’s throat, there was nothing but row after row of backwards facing needle teeth. I held the stupid decoration in my hand, staring in dumbfoundment as the fish began to push open the latched lid. As the sturdy plastic began to bow under his blunt snout, I shrieked.
“It’s yours, take it!”
I flipped the lid and chucked the decoration in, slamming it shut and latching it again. The change was immediate. The angry clicking became a pleased buzzing as the fish coiled himself again at the bottom of the tank, his “treasure” tucked underneath him. No feathery protrusions flared from his gills, his jaws were all in place and less obvious…back to normal-weird, not terrifying weird.
When Cal came in, his reaction was, “What the fuck is it?”
The fish clicked rapidly at him, jaws restless.
I shushed my brother and led him out. Later in the day, my oldest kid J came by with their girlfriend, GG, who immediately began squealing over the new fish. According to GG, who by all accounts loves weird things, he was the coolest, cutest thing she had ever seen. And the fish, damn him, let out his pleased clicks, swirling over himself like a fucking pleased cat. Even my younger teen, Eli, was really impressed. He called the new fish “cool” and hand fed the fucker a few boiled shrimp. I started to rip into him until he showed me that the fish was taking shrimp from his hand as daintily and as passively as a well trained dog, using a long spiny tongue to carefully pull the shrimp from Eli’s fingers. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. To say I was annoyed at how the fish began to menacingly click at me when I began lecturing my own flesh and blood would also be an understatement.
I don’t know what to do with him. He’s stuck in the 75 for at least a couple of weeks while I watch him for any signs of your standard fish ailments. Like I said, we have our share of oddities but we don’t have anything like him. Any thoughts on what he could be would be appreciated. I’m not even sure where we’re going to put him. I’ve found his lid unlatched and popped open a couple of times already. I have a feeling he’s not going to want to stay in a boring, bare bottom quarantine tank for long.

The Enigma Brain
-The following narrative takes place between the Season of the Lost and the Witch Queen Expansion-
The players
Finale-12: An Exo Warlock, Fin to his friends, AHH! to his enemies. Loves field work.
Gustav: Finale-12’s ghost
Smiley- 5: An Exo Titan- “Anything dies if you thundercrash it hard enough.”
Filet: Smiley-5’s ghost
Estora: Human Titan - Knows more than most Cryptarchs. Married to Carter.
Obsidian: Estora’s ghost
Carter: Human Warlock - Coordinates with the Vanguard and organizes raids. Married to Estora.
Chief: Carter's ghost
Duke: Human Hunter - “I’m not weak, I’m just impulsive!” Married to Hope.
Persephone: Duke’s ghost.
Luna: Human Hunter - Way too nice for someone who spends that much time playing Gambit. Married to Duke.
Vergil: Luna’s ghost.
1.
“Guys, if I have to farm for one more helium filament, I’m gonna have Smiley shoot me in the eye.” Duke knelt down to pick up a coil of light. Persephone, his Ghost, materialized beside him and shone a laser of blue light that moved over the filaments before they transmaterialized into the hull of Duke’s ship.
“Which one?” Smiley-5 fired a sniper round into the head of a Knight across the hellmouth.
Duke considered for a moment. “The right one. My left one is bad.”
“How can you even have a bad eye?” Finale-12 decoded some runes connected to a chest. “Your Ghost brings you back to your restored self.”
“I get shot in that eye a lot.” Duke stood up and stretched. “And stabbed.”
“Ok…but you’re healed after every time right?” Finale-12 fired his hand cannon into a rune and the chest clicked in response.
Duke materialized the Approaching Infinity and sped off towards the Circle of Bones. “Yeah, I mean that it’s unlucky. Everyone seems to aim for my left eye for whatever reason.”
“So why the right eye if you’re used to the left eye being shot out.” Smiley-5 asked. Blam! An Acolyte’s chest erupted from another sniper shot.
Duke shrugged but realized they couldn’t see that over comms. “Change it up I guess. A lot of what we do as Guardians is so monotonous. The same thing day in and day out. Surprise me for once. Like, kill me in a new way. Y’know what I mean.”
Another sniper round left Smiley-5’s gun as Filet notified him of a completed bounty. His ghost began to wire the glimmer to his account. Smiley-5 stood stowing his sniper and pulled out an automatic rifle and headed in Duke’s direction. “Don’t worry there Duke, I’m on my way with that bullet.”
“Big ‘preesh.” Duke jumped off his sparrow while it was still in motion. It crashed straight into a Cursed Thrall in an explosive green light. The howling scream of a Wizard echoes from within the sunken chamber. Duke pulled out an auto rifle and took aim.
The Wizard slithered through the sky before spotting the Guardian. As she summoned her arc bolts into her chiton claws, Duke slipped an explosive knife out of his belt. “Hey Smiley, if you’re fast enough, you’ll get here in time for me to kill this Wizard in one hit.”
Duke tossed the knife at the Wizard. It spun with perfect grace as the solar light glistened in the sunlight. The Wizard rolled her left shoulder back and the knife missed her form entirely, hitting the structure beyond instead with an incendiary pfft.
“Big oof.” Smiley-5 said a few feet behind Duke.
“Listen…” Duke pulled out a fusion rifle.
“Listening.” Finale-12 replied over comms.
“That wasn’t the one hit I was talking about.” Duke powered up and fired his fusion rifle into the Wizard, evaporating her shield in a purple haze. Still she writhed and began to pelt the Guardians with arc bolts.
“Fucking-“ Duke didn’t get to finish his sentence. The best of Hive began to spill out in an undead wave. Duke jumped back reloading his gun in the process. Smiley-5 began unloading onto the Thrall who ran towards them, each death added more rounds into his magazine.
Finale-12 saw the onslaught from up on the ridge and moved over to access a beacon. A recording of Zavala began to play. “To any Guardian on the moon; we need to thin the herd of hive presence. Push those monsters back into the Hellmouth.” Finale-12 smiled under his helmet. His spearow materialized and he boosted towards the rest of his fireteam.
The Titan and the Hunter stood their ground, downing Acolytes and Thrall without reloading. Two Knights flanked the Guardians on each side. Smiley-5 ran towards it, elevating himself with a jump and then, charged with spectacular arc light, slammed into the Moon in a shockwave that tore the armor off his Knight and sent it staggering back toward the pit of the Hellmouth. Smiley-5 ran toward the Knight, jumped, and drop kicked the creature over the edge.
Duke pulled out a rocket launcher and took aim at his Knight. The Knight began jogging, sword drawn, at the kneeling Guardian. “Bye bye.”
Duke pulled the trigger and heard a distinct click. He then recalled about 3 minutes ago when he shot a group of Dregs and didn’t reload. The Knight raised his sword and Duke jumped once, twice, three times in the air backwards as he hurriedly pulled out the old salvo and replaced it with the new. By that point the Knight had called about it’s unholy energy and began to walk fortified and cloaked in darkness.
Finally, the rocket launcher reloaded, Duke pointed the gun and screamed as he fired. As the rocket connected in a wash of violent light, several cluster bombs were expelled from the initial blast causing several smaller blast that obliterated the Knight to ashes.
At that moment, a guttural roar emitted from the chamber beyond, and heavy footsteps announced the arrival of a massive Ogre. It’s eyeless gaze fell upon the two Guardians as it crept out of the temple. Duke began to reload his rocket launcher and Smiley-5 pulled out his sniper. From behind them a familiar sound erupted as a nova bomb lazily traveled overhead and made impact with the Ogre, obliterating it.
Smiley-5 and Duke turned around to see Finale-12 pretending to dust off his shoulders.
“Thanks for contributing.” Duke’s voice ladened with sarcasm.
“Hey, I was making sure we got paid.” Finale-12 gesturing up the ridge with his hand cannon. “Did you forget why we’re here?”
“No, he knows he’s here to miss easy kills with knives and rocket launchers.” Smiley-5
Duke shook his head. “Listen…”
“Listening.” Finale-12 said.
A period of silence passed as Duke worked out what to say. “Shut up.”
Smiley-5 snickered. “Ogre’s don’t usually come up from this area.”
Finale-12 nodded. “Yeah, I was gonna say that was weird.”
“Wanna check it out?” Duke tilted his head towards the temple entrance.
“I mean we’re here.” Smiley-5 began to walk towards the entrance. Finale-12 and Duke followed.
The opening was slanted, like the rest of the structure. The Fireteam had been there before many times and had recognized where to stand so as not to lose balance. Their Ghosts materialized to create light in the darkened interior. They began to sweep the room, guns drawn, looking over the various nooks and crannies.
It was Gustav, Finale-12’s Ghost, who noticed the figure in the back. Finale-12 followed the light to a Knight that was slumped against the wall. “Guys. Over here.”
They moved closer to the Knight and began to see a strange growth all over its form. Most Hive have bulbous sores or tumors that have been known to form on them, but the one here had a kind of metallic structure pushing out of its armor. The additions were cubic in nature, with lines that ran rigidly up into its head.
“Look at this.” Duke lifted the Knight’s arm; it was completely metallic, with circuitry now in place of it’s hardened flesh. “Remind you of anything.”
“It looks like a Minotaur’s arm.” Finale-12 leaned down to look closer at it.
“Exactly.” Duke stood up and turned to Smiley-5. “Have the Vex been to the moon before?”
Smiley-5 didn’t answer. Instead he knelt down and grabbed the Knight’s crown and lifted its head. It’s three eyes shone with a light behind them as its mouth opened, slack jawed.
“Whaaat the fuck.” Duke said, leaning in.
“It’s alive?” Finale-15 dropped the arm and stood back.
Smiley-5 nodded. “Catatonic. But it’s still alive…for now.” He pulled out his auto rifle.
“Don’t kill it yet.” Duke raised a hand. “Hey Persy, can you analyze this?”
Duke’s ghost ran a scan on the entire Knight’s body. After a few beeping sounds she spoke. “This Knight appears to be suffering from the effects of radiolarian poisoning.”
“You mean this Knight, drank Vex milk?” Finale-12 shook his head. “Why?”
“I’m not sure,” Duke took his knife out, “but whatever the reason is, we should bring this back with us. The Vanguard would want to know.”
“You want to bring a live, mutated Knight back to the tower?” Finale-12 asked.
“Nope.” Duke took his knife and used it’s solar heat to cut through the Knight’s neck. The head toppled to the floor with a rolling thud. “Persy, put that on the ship.” A moment later the head was transmatted.
“So you’re gonna just bring the head to Zavala and say, ‘check this out?’” Smiley-5 asked.
“After I show it to Estora” Duke answered. “I wanna know what she thinks-“
Just then the body of the Knight stood up and grabbed Duke by the throat. The Exos unloaded into the Knight as its grip tightened. The headless Knight swung at the Guardian’s with Duke and tossed Duke hard into a wall. The entire structure shook and the ceiling collapsed down onto Duke, pinning him.
The stomach of the Knight fell away from the damage the guns had done and revealed a Vex-like center of radiolarian fluid. It then marched towards Smiley-5 and Finale-12 with a high pitch whine. Smiley-5 moved up to place a barricade as Finale-12 placed a well down right as the Knight exploded. The immense damage overtook the barricade and sent both guardians flat on their backs.
The Exos stood up, the shrapnel already healing with the aid of the well. “Duke?”
“Down here.” The reply came from underneath the rubble. “I think my ribs are broken,” Duke coughed, “and my back.”
Smiley-5 looked at Finale-12 and then back to Duke. “That’s a darn shame.”
Duke looked up and his eyes widened. “Persephone can pick me up.”
“You’re immobilized under there still.”
“You’re a Titan, just move the rubble.”
“Oh that could take hours.” Smiley-5 took out his sniper. “Which eye did you say again?”
“Smiley!”
Blam. The sniper round echoed through the chamber. A moment later Duke was resurrected by Persephone.
“That was my bad eye!”

Haul overview along with pics with wtc links
My stepmom ( no stepmom jokes) bought me everything in this haul for Christmas because she thought this package was going to take a while to come in (I obviously knew it wasn't going to take a few months especially if you're shipping a haul to Australia so I persuaded her to let me cop and ship this out wayyyy earlier hehehe). This is my very first haul ever in my life and before all these shoes I only had one pair of shoes so overall I am really happy with everything I got from this haul.
I've decided to do this classic style of text review as I have been reading all over this reddit that the indigenous people on this reddit don't likes slide reviews. So I was tryna cater for everyone on this reddit ;) Also I just want to say I'm no QC specialist, so I'll try to my best to give you guys an in detail review.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STATS
Age: 17
Weight: 65kg
Height: 5'9... 6'1 coming soon
Shoe size: US 11, EU 45 (Big feet=Big PP)
Build type: Slim, Lean (Generally a M but I like my Tees a bit oversized so L and 31' waist but I like my Pants a bit baggier)
Location: Australia
Shipping: Shipped with GD-EMS on the 5th of October and it arrived 16th of October. Santa also known as the Postman surprised me with it at my door step. Shipping cost $90 USD for 5,5kg haul.
​
CONTENTS
T-shirts: 2
Pants/Shorts: 2
Shoes: 3
Socks: 5
Accessories: 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
👕 Tee Shirts 👕
Dennis Rodman graphic tee// ¥56.80 // $9.47 USD
w2c
Size: L (size up once) // Colour: White
Looks: 10/10 // Feels: 10/10 Overall: 10/10
Weight: 417g
Thoughts:
This graphic tee is honestly perfect ngl, the material is this is thick exactly how you would like your graphic tees and it is soft at the same time. The graphic feels exactly the same as the Tee and it feels like the graphic was made into the tee (idk if that makes sense basically it's worth the money). Definitely the best out of the two tees in the haul. The tee is also pretty light but thick at the same time, should definitely cop especially for that price.
Drew Mascot smiley tee // ¥39.00 // $6.50 USD
w2c
Size: XL (size up twice for this) // Colour: Pink
Looks: 8/10 // Feels: 8/10 Overall: 8/10
Weight: 202g
Thoughts:
Honestly mainly bought this tee to switch it up a bit and try to force myself to move away from wearing too much black clothing. Anyways this tee is a slightly thinner material as the Dennis Rodman graphic tee and the image on this tee pops out of the tee. Overall this is pay what you get, the tee isn't that bad but it's basically what you pay for. I'm still happy with this cop but if I could turn back time I probably wouldn't buy this again.
​
👖 Pants/Shorts👖
Carhartt WIP black cargo pants // ¥120.00 // $20 USD
w2c
Size: L [32' Waist] TTS // Colour: Black
Looks: 7/10// Feels: 6/10// Overall: 6.5/10
Weight: 491g
Thoughts:
Okay so after I bought this I read around the reddit and there were pretty much mixed reviews about these pants. Some people said these cargos are good and some said it was pretty bad overall. Personally I think these cargos are alright, but you could definitely find better for like a bit more money. The material is fairly thin but wearable, the Carhartt logo is misplaced as it should e placed at the back end of the pocket ( honestly you won't get called out for this, it's just pants). They're weirdly slightly tight around my thighs and kind of flair a bit at the bottom of the pants. They are an okay pair of cargos but I'm sure you could find better.
Travis Scott x McDonalds Jean Shorts (Jorts) // ¥149.00 // $25 USD
w2c
Size: 33 (TTS) // Colour: Dark Denim
Looks: 10/10 // Feel: 10/10 // Overall: 10/10
Weight: 524g
Thoughts:
These were one of my favourite in the haul. These jorts are perfect if you're into jean shorts. They're pretty heavy and the material feels great. The denim is thick and the embroidery feels like it was sown onto the jorts perfectly ( btw The McDonalds logo is supposed to be slanted). If you're coping this make sure to get a belt too because you'll need it.
​
👟 Shoes 👟
Jordan 4 Oreos // ¥168.00 // $28.00 USD
w2c
Size: 45 (TTS)
Looks: 8.5/10 // Feel: 10/10 // Overall: 9/10
Weight: 1.4kgs
Thoughts:
When I received the qc pics for these I was honestly disappointed and my agent said I couldn't return these as the seller didn't take returns. So I sucked it up and shipped it along with the rest of the haul thinking these were gonna be absolutely terrible and I wouldn't wear it. To My surprise when I received it and I love them. I don't think they're like exactly accurate but as long as it passes the eye test for me then they are great. They feel fairly heavy and the leather feels great. They're so comfortable on foot and feels light when walking. I must admit the stitching could of been a bit cleaner but no ones really gonna have magnifying glass and look at your shoes. Definitely good budget Jordan 4 Oreos.
Panda Jordan 1 highs // ¥129.00 // $22.00 USD
w2c
Size: 45 (TTS)
Looks 9/10 // Feel: 10/10 // Overall: 9.5/10
Weight: 1252g
Thoughts:
These are probably the best shoes in this haul overall. These budget 1s are honestly great, the leather feels amazing and the stitching on this budget pair is on point. Tongues is cushioned perfectly, not too thick and not too skinny. It has the hour glass shape and angled Jordan 1 logo is good, should be slightly bigger but no ones gonna call you out. These came with white spare laces. Can't really tell what else is wrong with these honestly. Maybe the tow box is a bit chunky but can't be seen on foot. Definitely an instant cop.
Budget Medium Curry Dunks // ¥150.00 // $25.00 USD
w2c
Size: 45 (TTS)
Looks: 7/10 // Feel: 10/10 // Overall: 8:10
Weight: 1039g
Thoughts:
Photos definitely don't do these shoes justice but overall they're pretty alright shoes. They are really comfortable on foot and can't wait to skate these shoes. The suede on this pair is actually really good for a budget pair, the suede moves a lot across the whole shoe. The toe box is probably chunky but honestly I'm no expert so I'm not 100% sure. The stitching is pretty good for this budget pair and there is no signs of glue stains. Swooshes seem fine but you guys can be the judges of that. Overall a good shoe, you pay for what you get.
Socks
Bought 5 pairs of Nike socks
w2c
Colour: White with black swoosh
Weight: 235g
Thoughts:
These socks are one size and they fit me comfortably, they're pretty thin but they're socks and they do their job. Pretty cheap so if you want plain good socks, then you should buy them.
Kaws keyrings
w2c
Colour: Grey x1 & Brown x1
Weight:19g each
Thoughts:
These are like 1 yuan keyrings, I had spare change so I bought these, They are rubber(Flexible) and pretty small. Definitely cop these if you have spare change and want a small keyring.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FINAL THOUGHTS
These are all fairly budget and nothing in this haul is over $30 USD each but I'm honestly so happy with everything in this haul. It was my first ever haul and I can't wait to ship more hauls in the future. It sucks that the shipping prices are now gonna cost more than our entire haul but what can we do. Hopefully in the near future the prices will decrease but I doubt it.
In conclusion, this haul was overall a success, there were no items that were an L and the quality was great. I even convinced my family to join the repfam. If you've read this far into this review, I would just like to thank you and I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read this. Let me know if you have any questions in the comments below or dm me if you need.
Stay safe and stay on that rep grind!

So many cards! Apologies for the slow post and responses. I gave myself a few days off of my carding stuff just to relax around family craziness of haying season (all you midwest country peeps know what I'm referring to!) as the tensions are always high/machines always break.
u/belikeasunflower90 - Thank you for the wonderful birthday card. You've become such a dear friend! More in our usual correspondence :)
u/ez330 - Thank you for letting me bring my trapper keeper to the 90's party! My SO was trying to figure out what I got them into with the invite so you brought EXTRA giggles there also. My favorite beanie babies...so hard.... the lobster? I liked the mottled cloth they were using on ones like the lobster so really hard to choose.
u/silverinkblotV2 - Thank you for your lovely hand-drawn card and even more for the poem inside. I was transported to your river. The photos only sealed the deal. You are a creative soul! Will leave more in my reply.
u/Bridge-etti - I didn't even know pop-up castle cards existed. Wow. Shelia has made her parents quite proud down there at BEUCA. She looks happy too in her "photos". Yume sounds like a talented roommate also, to fix the time stream splits. Tell her that her parents miss her! (We must look like nuts to the rest of RAOC and that's awesome!)
u/gigi700gigi - x2 - Thank you for the birthday car out of the blue! I worked so didn't do anything terribly special but I did spoil myself on (yet more) stickers. The card was incredibly sweet and wonderful! :) Thank you also for the Studio Ghibli postcard. Kiki's delivery service is the best! I actually didn't watch any of the Olympics because well, I just plain forgot without coworkers talking about it! :( I feel like a horrible adult sometimes!
u/Becca203 - Your underwater card was beautiful. Now I need to go find more of that washi. I want even more underwater things (all the things!) for stationary now. The tape and the stamps compliment beautifully and the angle at which you put the tape reminds me how light beams slant through water! Also... space whales. Always mystical space whales.
u/travel4me22 - HEDGEY-HOGEY! What an adorable little stamp and the wonderful card you made! It was a surprise. Thank you for making my birthday even sweeter with the surprise card! I loved the little raised yellow dots on the flower paper. Really makes it feel next-level of awesome!
u/bluest - x3 -Thank you for the postcards in a bundle! The bear is adorable. I'm actually growing lemongrass in my garden for the summer for food. galangal I am not familiar with so am going to research it more. I doubt I can grow it here where it gets so cold, but maybe I can find some in a specialty market to try! I loved your getting to know your meta challenge responses also. My work team does the "your face" jokes to me all the time. Apparently, my expression in result to that joke makes it an ongoing thing for 3 years now. Thanks also for the extras!
u/tigerhuterin - Thank you for the wonderful postcard from Germany! Valentina Tereshkova is actually one of my heroes...mostly because she helped train cosmonauts even after going to space. It was a lifelong commitment to the stars. She also puts more effort into what unites than what divides with her actions. Thank you! I will treasure this. Hopefully, space gnomie is doing well. Should I do another round of gnomes up for adoption?
u/OneiricOstrich - you're seal is that of legends. I've now decided to do a wax seal hall of fame shadow box, with your's featured at the top! I had to ever so carefully extract it with a tiny knife but I have it and it will be framed! Thank you also for the goodies. The card you put together is absolutely beautiful. How did you get dried flowers in that seal thing?
u/Terrorcatmom - Thank you for the smiley face cards! I appreciated all the happiness. It's finally cooled off here where I am at. We had one old dog that loved the heatwave (and would wear thick sweaters and 5 blankets if we let her) but besides that all our critters were miserable. From chickens to cats. Are your's less grumpy?
u/gimmiegnomes - Thank you for the gnome friend! I had coffee with him this morning. He told me his name is Edgar and he likes board games and road trips. Thank you for finding me a wonderful friend!

Or at least I'm pretty sure it does. I'm at least 90% sure that this book I read in 5th grade was named Overlord. It had absolutely no relations to the Manga/Anime of the same name what so ever. It was a standard Western Print book that I found in my classroom library one day.
The cover was all black with exception to an evil grinning smiley face that was stitched in red, and had two slanted down rectangles to give off a menacing vibe.
As for the plot it was about a kid who was convinced he was some grand King of Hell type deity who got mysteriously kicked out of his own realm. Woke up in an abandoned parking lot and got randomly adopted by the first couple who found him. He's forced to attend Middle/High School and is dead set on finding his way home to "Hell" and simply just hates everything. Very archetypal edgy teenager vibes.
Maybe I just remembered the title wrong? But if I'm not I will never forgive Google for the fact it continuously gave me the Japanese series despite multiple different search attempts using different keywords.

It was the smell that woke me up.
Musty. It reminded me of old wood that had been exposed to the weather many times.
I lifted my head and cracked open my eyes. Darkness enveloped me, though I could see a faint glow filtering through the frosted windows. I realised that I had been asleep on a wooden desk. The surface was badly battered, with deep scratches and ink marks etched into the flaking wood.
“...where is this place?” I blinked, adjusting my eyes to the darkness. There were more tables arranged in neat rows to my left and right, and a large rectangular blackboard at the front of the room. “A…classroom?”
How did I get here? I tried to recollect what transpired before I woke up, but all I could grasp were silvers of fragmented memories. I was on the train heading home after work…no, today I was working overtime, the trains would have stopped running by the time I left the office.
I glanced at the light outside the windows. Is today still today? How long have I slept?
The last thought popped into my mind and I instinctively glanced at my Casio watch.
24:10:24 AM
“Huh?” I rubbed my eyes and looked at the watch again. But now, the screen was blank.
A voice broke the silence.
“Nathan? Is that you?”
My head snapped to the direction of the voice. A figure emerged from the darkness, bumping into a table in the process.
“Ouch.”
I blinked in utter surprise as the light fell upon her pale face. “...Chloe?”
She broke into a relieved smile. “It really is you, Nathan. I’m so glad you still look the same.”
“Same goes for you too…you look like you haven’t grown at all after graduation.” Despite the worry nagging at my mind, I found myself smiling back at her. Chloe’s smile was just that contagious, even back when we were still classmates.
10 years? No, maybe it was closer to 20 years since I last saw her. Yet, even from a distance she was as perfect as I had remembered. She was the kind of girl who attracted everyone’s attention with her transcendent beauty and lovely smile the moment she entered a room. And right now, I was transfixed by her.
A few seconds passed before I looked away, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. “H-how-why are you here?”
“I don’t know…I just woke up in this room.”
“You too?” I looked back at her. “Then…do you remember how you got here?”
She shook her head quietly.
“So-”
There was a soft ‘click’, and all of the sudden the fluorescent lights on the ceiling flickered to life. I squinted my eyes from the bright light.
“Oh, it’s you.”
“Xavier?” Chloe spun around and exclaimed in surprise. We both stared at the tall, rather lean newcomer standing beside the light switches.
I blinked. “You’re here too?”
“Long time no see, Nathan.” He shifted his gaze from me to Chloe and hesitated. “...you too, Chloe.”
“Hello.” Chloe smiled, but Xavier looked to the far right corner of the classroom instead.
“Huh, fancy seeing you here,” Venessa muttered, meeting Xavier’s eyes defiantly.
“Never thought I’d see your face again,” he replied nonchalantly.
The atmosphere in the room immediately became strained. I stood up and was about to say something to ease the tension when Chloe clapped her hands loudly. All of our eyes instantly focused on her.
“Uh…um…” Chloe’s face reddened. “Hi, everyone…it’s nice seeing all of you.”
We stared at her dumbfounded. Venessa burst into giggles, breaking the silence that fell upon the room. “You’re awkward as ever, Chloe.”
Chloe blushed even more. “S-sorry?”
Xavier and I exchanged confused looks and laughed awkwardly together.
“So, I guess everyone doesn't remember what happened before they woke up in this classroom?” I asked after everyone had calmed down.
The rest nodded their heads.
“The doors and windows are locked too,” Xavier pointed out. “I haven’t tried the windows that face outwards on the opposite side though.”
“This is our old classroom at Pioneer West Secondary, isn’t it?” Venessa mumbled, looking around at the room nervously. “Why are we here?”
“Probably someone’s idea of a prank,” I said, glancing at Xavier.
“What?”
“I wasn’t looking at you.”
“You liar.” He snorted.
“Calm down, you two,” Chloe said, trying to defuse the situation. “We’re all stuck here, so let’s work together instead, alright? Aren’t we all friends?”
“Y’all are adults, stop acting like kids,” Venessa chimed in. “Chloe’s right, we need to find out what happened to us. We should start by searching for things that can help us.”
“For once, you’re actually making sense,” Xavier muttered. Venessa gave him a stern glare.
We split up to search the classroom: Venessa went to the front, Xavier went to the back, Chloe went to the left side where the windows facing outwards were and I went to the right side. It was just as Xavier had described—the doors were locked, with a strange keyhole above each handle. The windows were firmly stuck in place too, and the frosted panes made it impossible to see what lay beyond the classroom.
“Um, guys?” Chloe’s fearful voice rang out. I turned around and noticed that she was standing next to an open window.
“What’s…” My voice trailed off when I caught a glimpse of what was outside the classroom.
“The hell is that?” Xavier approached the window and leaned outwards. “Holy shit…”
His fingers touched the luminous white mist and it quivered, as if it was alive. He swept at the mist with his hand, but there were just more layers of the strange fog beneath.
The look in his eyes when he turned to face us told us everything.
“Shit, shit, shit,” Venessa mumbled, pacing about the classroom with a forlorn expression.
“Hey, weren’t you the one who told us not to act like kids?” Xavier interjected, though his trembling voice wasn’t really convincing.
I gave a nervous chuckle, which earned me a look of disapproval from the both of them. Shaking my head, I muttered, “No, this isn’t funny. Sorry.”
I shifted my gaze to Chloe. She was still staring at the window in silence, her eyes fixated on the fog.
“Chloe?”
“Huh?” She jumped, seemingly shocked by me suddenly addressing her.
“Um, are you alright?” I asked out of concern.
“Y-yeah…” she said, closing the window shut. “I was just-”
Venessa’s scream cut her off. She was pointing frantically towards the front of the classroom. “T-the blackboard…”
I spun around and nearly screamed too. A large crack had appeared in the middle of the blackboard, from which thick red liquid was flowing out. A metallic scent hit my nostrils, causing me to gag involuntarily.
“HOLY-” Xavier retreated hastily, slamming into a row of tables in the process. He tripped and fell to the floor, toppling several tables in his wake. I and Chloe simply froze on the spot, watching the impossible gruesome scene unfolding in front of us.
“H-hey, Nathan, isn’t there something lodged in the crack?” Chloe said, approaching the blackboard hesitantly.
I took a closer look against my will. Chloe was right—there was a rectangular object stuck inside, impeding the flow of the crimson blood. “Uh, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea…”
She reached out her hand and grabbed hold of the object with two fingers before pulling it out. There was a loud gurgle, and to our absolute horror, a stream of blood gushed out violently.
“Oh fuck,” Venessa mumbled, her face drained of all colour.
“What did I tell you-” I turned to Chloe, but she didn’t react. “-Chloe?”
“This book, isn’t it yours?” She held it up such that the blood-soaked cover faced me. I let out an involuntary gasp when I recognised the author and title.
Agatha Christie — And Then There Were None
“W-why is it here?” I stammered. “I thought I had lost it long ago.”
Chloe opened her mouth to say something, but a loud thud caught our attention.
“Venessa?” Xavier got up and rushed to her side, shaking her lifeless body. “H-hey, don’t scare us like this.”
“I think Venessa might have fainted because of the blood,” Chloe said with a worried-stricken expression. “Usually, she’ll wake up soon…”
“…one overslept himself and then there were eight.”
“Huh?” Xavier snapped.
I gulped. “I remember…there was this poem featured in the book. And the characters inside died in ways paralleling the poem.”
“So?”
“I mean, we’re trapped in this room, aren’t we?” I said, despair filling my voice. “The characters in the book were also trapped on a remote island. Isn’t that too much of a coincidence?”
Xavier averted his eyes to the floor. “I don’t know about that, but we have to move Venessa away and find a way out ASAP.”
Chloe and I stepped forward to help Xavier. We began to lift her away from the pooling blood when something fell out of her skirt, clattering loudly on the floor.
“What’s this?” I bent down to pick it up and frowned. “...a phone?”
It was a flip phone, something which I hadn’t seen for years. The words Sony Ericsson were etched on the pink cover.
“Why would Venessa have that?” Xavier mumbled. “No, why would she be hiding that?”
“I don’t know…” I gingerly flipped the cover open. The screen immediately turned on, showing the menu page. The applications were arranged in alphabetical order, but I realised that most of the icons were greyed out. Selecting those applications simply displayed an error message.
Error: Phone not available
Error: Message not available
I shook my head, and Xavier muttered a curse. “Then, what works?”
“The browser, I guess.” I showed him the rudimentary Internet application which was displaying an empty text field. “It’s glitchy as hell though. I don’t know whether we can even send a message online.”
“It’s something at least.” Xavier sighed. “Anything else?”
I scrolled through the menu. “Notes? But I don’t think-” I froze. “-fuck.”
“What?” He leaned over, trying to look at the screen.
I turned the phone so that the screen faced Xavier and Chloe. “There’s a note inside…”
Nathan, Venessa, Xavier, Chloe:
This is a game.
You have only one chance to make a correct guess and win.
“Game? Win?” Chloe murmured, burrowing her eyebrows.
“There’s more below.” I pressed the down arrow on the keypad with a trembling finger. Both of them gave a gasp of shock when the last line appeared.
Right now, a very tense silence has fallen over the three of us huddling against the back wall. Venessa is showing no signs of waking up, the blood is making me nauseous and we are still trapped in this classroom. I’m praying that this message I'm desperately typing on this shit phone reaches someone, anyone, who can call for help. Before Xavier goes crazy.
Before we all go crazy.
The last sentence read:
One of us is an imposter
​
As we huddled against the back wall, I suddenly remembered the big fight I had with Xavier before we graduated. We were alone in the second-floor bathroom next to the library when Xavier said it.
“Chloe knew,” he said, a smug, shit-eating grin on his face.
I spun around and grabbed the collar of his uniform. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I told her your secret.” His mouth twisted into a contemptuous sneer, a wild look in his eyes. “Do you want me to tell you her reaction?”
“You—” I shoved him against the wall. The anger and indignation boiling within me blurred my vision.
He laughed like a maniac. “That’s what losers who steal people's girlfriends get.”
I had forgotten what happened after that. The next thing I knew, I was rushing out of the bathroom with a bruised nose, trying to stop the bleeding with a clump of toilet paper. Xavier remained in the bathroom, still smiling despite the pain he was in. I thought he would rat me out to the discipline master, but when our teacher asked about his injuries, he simply played it off.
I wondered why Xavier acted in such an odd way then. It was almost as if he just wanted to be beaten up by me as a way to redeem himself. And maybe I indulged him because I also wanted to redeem myself for that same something.
Back then, who was the real imposter? And who was the real victim?
Xavier was the first one to break the tense silence. “...what are we waiting for?”
“For?” I answered tersely.
“Isn’t it obvious?” he retorted, pointing towards Venessa. He didn’t explicitly state his intention—he likely didn’t dare to—but we all knew what he was alluding to.
Chloe merely remained quiet. I kept my mouth shut too. Perhaps this is what they mean by “silence is golden”.
Xavier let out a grunt and stood up. He grabbed a chair nearby and hurled it at the window. It slammed into the window pane with a loud crash and fell to the floor.
“FUCK!” he screamed and began kicking random tables aimlessly. Seriously, what the hell was he expecting?
“Shut up man, I’m the one who should be cursing here,” I interjected. “Why don’t you try typing long ass paragraphs on a flip phone, huh?”
He didn’t answer me as he picked up a table and jammed one of its legs into the crack, in a hilarious effort to stem the gushing blood.
“What’s he doing?” Chloe murmured.
“He’s beginning to believe.”
“Believe?”
“It’s just a joke.” I let out a small laugh. Chloe gave me a puzzled look before giggling.
“Fucking idiots,” Xavier muttered, a slight grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “Can you two start coming up with ideas on how to break out of this bloody place and save Venessa?”
“What ideas do you have?” Chloe asked.
“A few.” He dragged yet another chair towards the windows. “Mostly using brute force.”
“I see you haven’t changed at all,” I said, watching him. “Thought you hated her because she broke up with you?”
“Who, Venessa?” Xavier threw a casual glance at her body. “...I’m not the kind of person to hold a grudge for that long. Besides, it’s not her fault.”
“Not her fault?” I asked curiously.
Xavier nodded his head towards Chloe. “You know Venessa has a secret crush on Nathan, don’t you?”
I blinked in surprise. “She-” My jaw dropped when I saw Chloe nodding her head too, blushing from second-hand embarrassment. “-serious? Wait, wait, wait—why didn’t I…?”
“Cos’ you’re dense as fuck,” Xavier said, rolling his eyes. “I see that trait still hasn’t changed after all these years.”
“...”
“If you’re done being shocked, can you come over and help me?” he said pointedly. “It’s too late anyways, she already has a boyfriend.”
“Oh, how do you know?” I snickered in a playful tone. “Still can’t get over your first love?”
“Fuck you.”
“I figured.” I stood up and began walking towards Xavier. My foot hit against something all of a sudden, causing me to nearly lose my balance. “The hell? Oh, it’s just the book…”
Something shiny caught my eye. I bent down and picked up the book before flipping it open.
“...what’s wrong?” Chloe asked.
I let out a loud laugh. “For God’s sake…hey, Xavier!”
“Huh?”
“If you’re the imposter, do a better job at hiding things.” I tossed the book to him.
He muttered something under his breath as he flipped through the pages. “Oh, what the fuck? There’s a key inside here all along, right under our noses?”
“Why are you acting so surprised?”
“Acting?” Xavier scoffed. “Says the one who hid the key in the book.”
“Hold up, I didn’t touch it.” I raised my hands up in a surrender position.
“Well, me neither.”
I turned to look at Chloe. “So…”
“D-don’t look at me,” she said, frantically waving her hands in a no way gesture. “I left it on the floor after taking it out from the board, and there wasn’t anything stuck within its pages. You saw too, right? If there was a key inside then, it would have dropped out when I held it up towards you.”
“Huh…”
“Hello, are we moving out or not?” Xavier said, holding the front door open. “Do you guys enjoy the smell of blood that much?”
“What about Venessa?” Chloe asked.
“Put her on a table and push her.” Xavier sighed when he saw the looks on our faces. “What? I’m not going to carry her the entire way. This girl has definitely put on some weight since the last time I saw her.”
“True.” I lifted the unconscious Venessa and with Chloe’s reluctant help, propped her on top of a table. The disgusting blood that spilt everywhere was actually somewhat useful, since it helped to reduce friction between the table and the floor.
“Is the outside safe?” I asked once we rejoined Xavier.
“Seems like it.” He cautiously leaned out and looked in both directions of the dark and foggy corridor. “Be careful though.”
“No shit, Sherlock.” Xavier and I carefully moved Venessa atop the table out of the classroom while Chloe kept a lookout.
“Hey, Xavier…” I asked quietly. “Is it just me, or is the corridor tilted at an angle?”
“Huh?” He looked at the table and gasped. “Wait, the table’s slanting-”
We were interrupted by Chloe's frantic shouts. “Something's coming!”
In the fog, we could all hear faint screeches and squeals growing louder and louder.
I turned around to escape back into the classroom, but the door slammed shut on its own.
“NATHAN, HELP ME FUCKING PUSH THE DAMN TABLE!” Xavier hollered, holding onto Venessa to keep her from rolling off the table.
The three of us began moving with much difficulty down the slope, Venessa in tow. Panting, I asked Chloe, “What the hell is coming…”
A humongous shadow loomed over us. The eerie noises intensified to a crescendo as something approached us at a terrifying speed.
“RUN!” I screamed when the large stone ball broke through the cover of fog. A crude yellow smiley face was painted on its surface, mimicking one of those bouncy balls that I used to play with as a kid.
In the midst of our panic, the table toppled over, flinging poor Venessa down the slope. Xavier and I hastily caught her and carried her heavy ass as we half-ran, half-slid down the corridor. A sickening crunch came from behind us as the ball flattened any obstacles in its way with merciless ease.
“Nathan, to your right!” Xavier shrieked, pointing at an opening along the corridor.
I dashed straight into the opening head-first, dragging Venessa and Xavier along with me. A split second later, the ball of guaranteed death thundered past us, disappearing back into the fog.
“Oh my fucking god,” Xavier mumbled between glups of air, leaning against the wall for support.
I realised with a sinking dread that someone who should be here wasn't with us anymore. “...where's Chloe?”
“Didn't she…” Xavier's eyes widened. We poked our heads out and searched for any signs of Chloe.
“CHLOE!”
The dense fog remained deathly silent.
“H-hey Nathan,” he whispered in a trembling voice. “Just now, you heard the crunching noise too…right?”
I couldn't say anything in reply. A swelling of fear lodged in my throat as I stared helplessly at the fog.
I feel so repulsed at myself as I'm typing this out. I still can't bring myself to tell Xavier the truth yet. I knew this outcome was going to happen.
And now, we are in grave danger.
The next verse of the poem is: One said he'd stay there and then there were seven. And if everything is happening according to the poem, this means that someone among us will die next.
One chopped himself in halves and then there were six.
​
The opening led to a dark, equally foggy passageway. Even with the flashlight from the flip phone, we couldn’t make out where the passageway ended.
“Will she ever wake up?” I nodded my head towards Venessa who was slumped against the wall.
“Hopefully soon enough,” Xavier said, a worried look in his eyes.
“We can’t go on like this any further,” I hissed. “We’ve already lost two people.”
It amazed even myself that in such a dire situation, my mind could still process things logically. There wasn’t any time to grieve over Chloe’s death or fret over Venessa’s coma-like state. We had to find who the alleged imposter was before time ran out.
Before time ran out…
I looked down at my watch and noticed that it was still displaying the same weird time.
24:10:24 AM
“Hey, Nathan,” Xavier said suddenly. “Look, the fog’s clearing.”
He was right—the fog seems thinner than before, and we could see what looked to be a large hall at the end. We exchanged anxious looks and decided to check out what was inside.
“Should we just leave Venessa here?”
Xavier shrugged. “Sheʼs been through enough.”
Our footsteps echoed hollowly in the dreary passageway. Once we got closer, we could see a round table in the centre of the hall. Sitting atop that table was a silver knife, its sharp blade reflecting our apprehensive faces.
“Nathan…?”
“According to the poem, the next person is eliminated by chopping him into halves,” I said, picking up the knife. “Since the two of us are left…you can stop pretending now, Xavier.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” He retreated a step back. “Why do you think Iʼm the imposter?”
I took out the flip phone with my other hand and showed it to him. “You tried to frame Venessa, didn't you?”
“...what do you-”
“I thought it was weird.” I pointed the knife in his direction. “Venessa didn't have any pockets where she could have hid the phone. And this phone is not thin—it would have definitely created an obvious bulge if she tried to tuck it between her skirt and blouse. So, as the person who approached her first after she collapsed-” I inhaled. “-you planted the phone on Venessa.”
Oh yes, I've always wanted to experience being a detective ever since I first read And Then There Were None.
Xavier shook his head vehemently. “No—I mean, yes, I admit I did put the phone on Venessa—but I did that because I-”
“-was scared that it would incriminate you and make you a suspect.” I smiled. “You probably discovered the phone when you accidentally knocked those tables over. When you opened it, you saw the note on the screen and panicked.”
“I…”
“With that said, you are not the imposter.” I took aim and threw the knife. Xavier yelped and jumped to the side as it whizzed mere inches past him.
Chloe caught the knife by the blade without flinching.
“How did I do as Justice Wargrave?” she asked sheepishly.
“Terrible.” I laughed. “But you faked your death pretty well, I’ll give you props for that.”
“When did you find out?”
“I thought it was weird how you’re always the one who discovers something strange.” I paused. “But what confirmed my suspicions is this-”
I waved the phone at her. “This is yours, isn’t it?”
“W-what the hell is going on…?” Xavier mumbled.
“I remember everything now,” I said ruefully. “Chloe…you’re actually dead, aren’t you?”
“WHAT?” Xavier’s jaw dropped. “Chloe, you—”
“Yup.” She giggled softly. “Sorry, I had to wipe your memories before you guys arrived here. Since the game has ended, I’ll reset everything now.”
Our surroundings suddenly dissolved into the luminous white mist. Before I understood what was going on, I found myself sitting in a circle with Xavier and a very disoriented Venessa, facing Chloe.
“What happened guys,” Venessa mumbled. “...Chloe?”
Xavier gasped. “That morning, when we went cycling…”
It was the weekend right after our end-of-year exams. Xavier suggested that we should go cycling at a nearby multi-storey car park to have some fun after the exams.
“The slopes there are crazy,” he said excitedly. “We can race each other down from the seventh storey to the ground level.”
Eager to show off my newly-bought fixie bike, I brought it along with me. The neon green paint on its sleek body immediately caught their attention.
“Can I try riding it? Please?” Chloe asked after I had ridden down to the ground level, clasping her hands before her.
“Here, you can take it for a spin,” I said proudly. “I’ll adjust the seat for you.”
“It’s been a while since I rode a bike,” she murmured as she tried to pedal up the slope. When she failed for the third time, Xavier chided her and helped to push her up the slope to the starting point.
“Hey Xavier, can you take a video of me?” she asked, handing him her Sony Ericsson flip phone. He obliged and positioned himself beside her to record the video.
“When you’re ready, I’ll start timing!” I looked at my watch. Venessa was waiting at ground level to give me the signal when Chloe reached.
“I’ll beat your time, trust me.” She gave me a haughty look. “Ready!”
The time was 10:24:21 AM. “Go!” I shouted.
Chloe began to pedal furiously down the slope, picking up speed at an exhilarating rate.
10:24:23 AM
“H-hey, slow down a bit,” I said, watching the bicycle wobble unsteadily from side to side.
10:24:24 AM
“Wait, how?” Her eyes widened. “There’s no brakes-”
“Turn right! TURN!” I shrieked.
The bicycle slammed into the railing with a deafening crash and flung her over the parapet. The next moment, she disappeared, her screams of terror echoing in my ears.
Then, Venessa screamed.
“Oh my fucking god,” Xavier said, running down the slope with a horrified look in his wide eyes. “Did Chloe…”
I could barely resist the urge to vomit when I saw her body sprawling on the concrete below. Her eyes gazed unblinkingly back at me as blood pooled around her head. Venessa collapsed on the ground beside her in a state of utter shock.
It was my fault. I shouldn’t have lent her my bike without telling her how to use it. It was all my fault.
Her crimson red blood would forever stain my own hands.
“H-hey, don’t cry,” Chloe said, flustered. “If you three cry, I don’t know what I should do.”
“Sorry…” I sniffed and wiped my eyes hastily. “I’m just so glad I can see you again.”
“How have you been doing, Chloe?” Venessa asked, blinking away her tears.
“It’s been super boring here in the afterlife.” Chloe laughed. “I’ll be reincarnated into my next life soon, and before I go I wanted to have a last reunion with the three of you. But I thought just appearing in your dreams is super lame, so I organised this little game for the four of us.”
She smiled sheepishly at Venessa. “Sorry, I made you faint so you didn’t really get to enjoy the whole thing.”
Venessa wheezed and smiled back. “It was pretty fun being carried around by Nathan and Xavier, so I don’t mind. Though, you guys really had to put me on a table as if it’s a stretcher?”
“Hey, it’s not my fault you gained so much fat,” Xavier replied, and earned himself a sharp jab in the side from Venessa.
We chatted about a lot, a lot of stuff. I guess to us, ten years flew by like they were nothing, but to Chloe, it was just surprise after surprise at how much we had grown and experienced. Xavier became a teacher, which none of us had expected given his aggressive personality. Venessa announced that she was planning to marry her boyfriend in a month’s time. Meanwhile, I’m just a salaryman who is still single and ready to mingle, much to no one’s surprise.
We talked until we felt so tired we couldn’t continue any longer. I forgot what had happened after I closed my eyes, but the next thing I knew, I woke up back on the bus heading home after a long day of work.
Beams of hazy yellow light from the overhead street lamps flashed through the misted up windows, illuminating the familiar book sitting on my lap.
Agatha Christie — And Then There Were None
There was a note tucked between the cover and the first page when I flipped it open.
Nathan:
Sorry, I didn’t get the chance to return this book to you after I borrowed it from you. I really enjoyed reading it, and I’m glad that you played along with this silly game of mine even after you knew the truth. Just like Dr. Armstrong in the story, you know?
Btw, I was very, very happy when Xavier told me you like me and wanted to confess to me at the end of the year. I was actually pretty surprised to hear that you’re still single, lol. But sadly in this life, I don’t have the fate to be with you.
In my next life, I truly hope I can meet you again.
Chloe

As we huddled against the back wall, I suddenly remembered the big fight I had with Xavier before we graduated. We were alone in the second-floor bathroom next to the library when Xavier said it.
“Chloe knew,” he said, a smug, shit-eating grin on his face.
I spun around and grabbed the collar of his uniform. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I told her your secret.” His mouth twisted into a contemptuous sneer, a wild look in his eyes. “Do you want me to tell you her reaction?”
“You—” I shoved him against the wall. The anger and indignation boiling within me blurred my vision.
He laughed like a maniac. “That’s what losers who steal people's girlfriends get.”
I had forgotten what happened after that. The next thing I knew, I was rushing out of the bathroom with a bruised nose, trying to stop the bleeding with a clump of toilet paper. Xavier remained in the bathroom, still smiling despite the pain he was in. I thought he would rat me out to the discipline master, but when our teacher asked about his injuries, he simply played it off.
I wondered why Xavier acted in such an odd way then. It was almost as if he just wanted to be beaten up by me as a way to redeem himself. And maybe I indulged him because I also wanted to redeem myself for that same something.
Back then, who was the real imposter? And who was the real victim?
Xavier was the first one to break the tense silence. “...what are we waiting for?”
“For?” I answered tersely.
“Isn’t it obvious?” he retorted, pointing towards Venessa. He didn’t explicitly state his intention—he likely didn’t dare to—but we all knew what he was alluding to.
Chloe merely remained quiet. I kept my mouth shut too. Perhaps this is what they mean by “silence is golden”.
Xavier let out a grunt and stood up. He grabbed a chair nearby and hurled it at the window. It slammed into the window pane with a loud crash and fell to the floor.
“FUCK!” he screamed and began kicking random tables aimlessly. Seriously, what the hell was he expecting?
“Shut up man, I’m the one who should be cursing here,” I interjected. “Why don’t you try typing long ass paragraphs on a flip phone, huh?”
He didn’t answer me as he picked up a table and jammed one of its legs into the crack, in a hilarious effort to stem the gushing blood.
“What’s he doing?” Chloe murmured.
“He’s beginning to believe.”
“Believe?”
“It’s just a joke.” I let out a small laugh. Chloe gave me a puzzled look before giggling.
“Fucking idiots,” Xavier muttered, a slight grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “Can you two start coming up with ideas on how to break out of this bloody place and save Venessa?”
“What ideas do you have?” Chloe asked.
“A few.” He dragged yet another chair towards the windows. “Mostly using brute force.”
“I see you haven’t changed at all,” I said, watching him. “Thought you hated her because she broke up with you?”
“Who, Venessa?” Xavier threw a casual glance at her body. “...I’m not the kind of person to hold a grudge for that long. Besides, it’s not her fault.”
“Not her fault?” I asked curiously.
Xavier nodded his head towards Chloe. “You know Venessa has a secret crush on Nathan, don’t you?”
I blinked in surprise. “She-” My jaw dropped when I saw Chloe nodding her head too, blushing from second-hand embarrassment. “-serious? Wait, wait, wait—why didn’t I…?”
“Cos’ you’re dense as fuck,” Xavier said, rolling his eyes. “I see that trait still hasn’t changed after all these years.”
“...”
“If you’re done being shocked, can you come over and help me?” he said pointedly. “It’s too late anyways, she already has a boyfriend.”
“Oh, how do you know?” I snickered in a playful tone. “Still can’t get over your first love?”
“Fuck you.”
“I figured.” I stood up and began walking towards Xavier. My foot hit against something all of a sudden, causing me to nearly lose my balance. “The hell? Oh, it’s just the book…”
Something shiny caught my eye. I bent down and picked up the book before flipping it open.
“...what’s wrong?” Chloe asked.
I let out a loud laugh. “For God’s sake…hey, Xavier!”
“Huh?”
“If you’re the imposter, do a better job at hiding things.” I tossed the book to him.
He muttered something under his breath as he flipped through the pages. “Oh, what the fuck? There’s a key inside here all along, right under our noses?”
“Why are you acting so surprised?”
“Acting?” Xavier scoffed. “Says the one who hid the key in the book.”
“Hold up, I didn’t touch it.” I raised my hands up in a surrender position.
“Well, me neither.”
I turned to look at Chloe. “So…”
“D-don’t look at me,” she said, frantically waving her hands in a no way gesture. “I left it on the floor after taking it out from the board, and there wasn’t anything stuck within its pages. You saw too, right? If there was a key inside then, it would have dropped out when I held it up towards you.”
“Huh…”
“Hello, are we moving out or not?” Xavier said, holding the front door open. “Do you guys enjoy the smell of blood that much?”
“What about Venessa?” Chloe asked.
“Put her on a table and push her.” Xavier sighed when he saw the looks on our faces. “What? I’m not going to carry her the entire way. This girl has definitely put on some weight since the last time I saw her.”
“True.” I lifted the unconscious Venessa and with Chloe’s reluctant help, propped her on top of a table. The disgusting blood that spilt everywhere was actually somewhat useful, since it helped to reduce friction between the table and the floor.
“Is the outside safe?” I asked once we rejoined Xavier.
“Seems like it.” He cautiously leaned out and looked in both directions of the dark and foggy corridor. “Be careful though.”
“No shit, Sherlock.” Xavier and I carefully moved Venessa atop the table out of the classroom while Chloe kept a lookout.
“Hey, Xavier…” I asked quietly. “Is it just me, or is the corridor tilted at an angle?”
“Huh?” He looked at the table and gasped. “Wait, the table’s slanting-”
We were interrupted by Chloe's frantic shouts. “Something's coming!”
In the fog, we could all hear faint screeches and squeals growing louder and louder.
I turned around to escape back into the classroom, but the door slammed shut on its own.
“NATHAN, HELP ME FUCKING PUSH THE DAMN TABLE!” Xavier hollered, holding onto Venessa to keep her from rolling off the table.
The three of us began moving with much difficulty down the slope, Venessa in tow. Panting, I asked Chloe, “What the hell is coming…”
A humongous shadow loomed over us. The eerie noises intensified to a crescendo as something approached us at a terrifying speed.
“RUN!” I screamed when the large stone ball broke through the cover of fog. A crude yellow smiley face was painted on its surface, mimicking one of those bouncy balls that I used to play with as a kid.
In the midst of our panic, the table toppled over, flinging poor Venessa down the slope. Xavier and I hastily caught her and carried her heavy ass as we half-ran, half-slid down the corridor. A sickening crunch came from behind us as the ball flattened any obstacles in its way with merciless ease.
“Nathan, to your right!” Xavier shrieked, pointing at an opening along the corridor.
I dashed straight into the opening head-first, dragging Venessa and Xavier along with me. A split second later, the ball of guaranteed death thundered past us, disappearing back into the fog.
“Oh my fucking god,” Xavier mumbled between glups of air, leaning against the wall for support.
I realised with a sinking dread that someone who should be here wasn't with us anymore. “...where's Chloe?”
“Didn't she…” Xavier's eyes widened. We poked our heads out and searched for any signs of Chloe.
“CHLOE!”
The dense fog remained deathly silent.
“H-hey Nathan,” he whispered in a trembling voice. “Just now, you heard the crunching noise too…right?”
I couldn't say anything in reply. A swelling of fear lodged in my throat as I stared helplessly at the fog.
I feel so repulsed at myself as I'm typing this out. I still can't bring myself to tell Xavier the truth yet. I knew this outcome was going to happen.
And now, we are in grave danger.
The next verse of the poem is: One said he'd stay there and then there were seven. And if everything is happening according to the poem, this means that someone among us will die next.
One chopped himself in halves and then there were six.

David after James' death decided to look around his surroundings. Everything was empty. All buildings had no light in them. Except for one building that is.
``Hmm...I am in the ‘’backwashed’’ area already...I surprisingly don’t see any life here...if you could even call it that...hmm". David started walking forward.
``...It's like Umbraven all over again... except more potentially dangerous" said David thinking.
``...I just realized something...by the way I'm trying to keep a better mood...you know trying to keep that thought out of my head...anyways...you not talking is not a bad thing as I thought it was before...it gives you character...shows that you don't need to say anything to be a good friend...or maybe you don't talk because you're a fish...celestial being...I don't know...I'm just rambling...oh good we made it toooo...a library?" said David done talking. It was a library and it had a portico with four white columns carrying it.
It had a giant word that said "LIBRARY".
"...Hmm...maybe I can get more information on Genix in here...yup my helmet is still intact...let's get in here" said David. David went to the front door under the portico. It was a glass door. David pushed the door open entering the library. What he saw was a few tables and a couple chairs with people sitting there. There were of course book cases everywhere. But something was different. There were black platforms with what it looked like a set of wheels on the sides of them. They also had long extending poles for ‘’legs’’. They were some people on top of them looking for books.
``...Interesting...wh...what are they doing?” David confused as he looked to his right. He saw a person sitting there with a floating blue flat hologram with words on it. David decided to take a closer look by walking closer. He eventually made it to the same table. There was a tiny robot on an open book. It had some type of scanner that acted like a typewriter scanning words and implementing it into the hologram.
``....Cool...sadly by an evil person though...maybe I should ask this guy some questions'' said David as the robot turned a page.
``Hey um...excuse me?” said David. He poked him trying to get his attention.
``Oh!...I didn’t see you there!...auto reademind filler stop!” the person ordered. In response the auto reader stopped and the hologram shut off.
``Now!...what could you want this wonderful land we call the ci-...is that a-’'.
``Uh not at all what you are thinking!...just a punching bag!’'.
``Oh of course!...I forgot they sold those...now what do you want?”.
”I...I mean just catching up with the perfection that our great leader Jacob Knasher created!” said David faking again.
``Ah!...we all know that!...This is the perfect place to ask these questions!...what would you like to know?'' asked the person.
``I would like to know som...some information about the gangster Genix!...I mean what is his deal?”.
''Genix?...Genix is a complicat- *electric noises* He is like a son to Jacob in a way...anyway why I say that is because he lets him do stuff without following the rules...most robots don’t have that freedom!...one would say he has that ‘’destructive’’ personality...of course Jacob let’s him do this because he can repair it back tenfold...he is perfect after all” the person explained.
”...Uh...Interesting...what makes him different?” asked David.
”Well!...*whispers* Let me tell you a secret...he happens to be related to The Brainwasher”.
”Isn’t that what all of his robots are?” said David confused.
”Yes!...but he is different!...He once had the same purpose that all our wonderful and friendly robots wished they had!...and that is the same purpose The Brainwasher has now!...he wasn't so happy about that afterwards though”.
”Oh...is that why he is a g-’’.
”Yup that is right!...but Jacob found ways to temper his ‘’tantrums’’ after a few years...he decided to give him some dignity left...that is why he rules this part of the city to fuel his attentions...and that is why the library is the only public and functional thing we have at this part of the city!...another great move by Jacob!” said the person nonchalant.
”...Um dumb question...that reminds me...what exactly is The Brainwasher exactly?...like what does he look like?” David wondered.
``...Asking the big boy questions huh?...well we actually don’t kn-”. A sudden loud bang sound was heard. A fast tiny object went towards the helmet of the same person who was talking to him.
``...Wh...are you ok-’’. The helmet started sparking and smoking while blood ran down the person‘s face. The person’s head slanted downwards. Everyone but the blobfish reacted to it.
”What?...who-’'.
``Why hello there familiar face!...I’m sure you will recognize this one!” said the mysterious character.
”That voice...please don’t tell me” said David in distraught. David turned around quickly. And it was a familiar face. Two to be exact. It was a large purple figure with a purple revolver with smoke coming out of it. It was The Chancler. But it seemed like they were possessed by the comedy mask.
”You gotta be kidding me!...Do you really have to attack me now?” said David angrily.
``Oooo...a little sass with this one huh?...I should be the one that should be mad...although I like this body...I much rather have yours in particular!...actually who am I kidding?...that creature is a gold mine at best!...if I possess them...I will be unstoppable!...hahahaha!” said the comedy mask sinisterly.
``I’m not letting that happen'' said David seriously.
’’Oh?...is that right?...look behind you``. David turned around. It was the person that got shot. But he had purple appendages coming out of him.
''Ah!”. The appendage tried to grab David but David backed away quickly and fell to the ground. The appendage monster started groaning.
”H...hey get back!” said David slightly afraid.
``Get back?...you’re right...I should get back into my old ways...now kill him!” the comedy mask demanded.
``Buddy...I would like your help!``. The blobfish gave a determined look. The blobfish extended their tongue forward. But before it went anywhere the appendage monster grabbed the tip of it.
``You little exasperating fool...did you really try to use your disgusting mouth as an advantage?” said the comedy mask mockingly.
``Says the person who has an amalgamation of gross arms piercing through a person's body!” said David.
``Oh!...I have you know that this is attractive in the monster world!...I-’’
.''Is that The Chancler?...and that mask that tried to possessive our great leader Jacob?” said a random person.
``Good thinking Einstein...I didn’t miss being here I must say...even the voices that I send into people's minds aren’t as annoying...now stay out of this techno breath so I can take that fish!” said The Comedy mask.
``Fish?...*gasp*...th...that is the fish that is gonna stop our great and powerful Jacob Knasher!”. While the person annoyingly kept talking over him. The blobfish detached their tongue from the appendage monster. In response David grabbed the blobfish and started running away.
”I don’t care if I’ll-’’.
”Damn it!...you idiots are letting them get away!” said the comedy mask annoyed. The comedy mask started running forward fast like. But something surprising happens. All the people’s helmets quickly dragged their body’s in front of the Comedy Mask way. Causing him to stop.
”You tried taking our leader’s mind and attempted to corrupt it...you will pay for being another major threat to our great city...have you had no shame?” said a woman.
”The only shame I had in my life was letting a bozo take what is mine!...and I will rule this city from this copycat! ” said The Comedy Mask angrily. Meanwhile with David and the blobfish.
”Huff...I can catch my breath here” David realized. David saw a small bookcase facing their way. David quickly went behind it and sat down.
”...He is not that far from here...they should keep him busy though...oh there is a backdoor...let’s get out of here buddy’’. David quickly got up and ran towards the door. He opened it and went outside, closing it behind him.
”...Phew...huff huff...ugh that guy is ridiculous...bad enough I’m alone in the most evil and biggest city...also going to try to convince a gangster to give me a passcode...now I have a evil freaking haunted mask possessing one of my biggest enemies...when does it en...I have to have hope...I keep forgetting the prophecy is us defeating The Brainwasher...it will go well I’m sure...ok...back to going towards the gangster...where are we anyway?” David thought. David looked around and saw they were in an alleyway.
”...Ok I should be able to avoid people here...let’s get going I guess” said David ready. David started walking forward in the alleyway. It was oddly silent.
”...”.There were small puddles spotted around the path. Small lights bulbs were slightly brightening the dark alleyway. There were dumpsters on the back of the buildings. They are hopefully not able to move.
”...I gotta say this is a nice break from everything...he is probably still able to watch me though...even in this abandoned place”. The blobfish looked at a puddle for a second.
”I wonder how Claptrap is doing...hopefully he is in a better state then I am...probably bragging how cool his ship is...telling lies on how he got there...heh I miss him” said David thinking. He looked on the wall to the left of him and saw a bunch of graffiti. Random words, markings, and symbols including a shape with a menacing stare.
”Don’t see any of his markings here...mak-...what is that sound?”. David started hearing voices a little far away. David saw a corner of the alleyway. So in response David ran and went to the corner and started peeking with his head slightly sticking out. He saw two old men playing chess.
”Checkmate” said the first old guy.
”*grumbles*” the other old man said angrily. He then proceeded to flip the table over.
”...That’s Mr. Handleworth to you!” said the other old man angrily.
”Mr. Handleworth eh?” said the first old man.
”...Wow...never seen a person take chess that seriously...hmm...is that a theater?”. And it was.it was a huge building with the words ‘’cinema’’ on it in bright letters. It had wide white stairs that were wider than a bus.
”...I doubt he is there...but let’s see these two old gentlemen can help me” said David bravely. David walked towards the cinema. In just a second later David made it to them.
”Hello old folk!...Yes, this is a punching bag!...do you happen to know where the brother of The Brainwasher Genix is?” asked David.
”Hello young man!...I do hate that creature also!...funny you would say that!...me and my friend here just finished a match in chess where I GREATLY defeated him...isn’t that right Oliver?” said the old man smug.
”You don’t know who you are talking to, old fool!” said Oliver, angry.
”You're two years older than me!...Is your eyesight that bad already?” said the old man mockingly.
”Uh..heh...what does that have to do with Genix?’’ asked David.
”Oh!...we actually sneaked here next to this theater!...which is where Genix usually prowls at...weird I felt a slight pinch as of right now...we play chess each time right after Genix and his ‘’crew’’ steps upon that theater each random day!...I may be good at chess!...but not at fighting!...what do you wanna see him for anyway?” asked the old man.
”Oh...um...I...I uh”.
”It doesn’t matter!...your business with Genix is your business!...just don’t make a ruckus that is all!” said the old man.
”Oh...ok I’ll just head on out then!...thank you uh”.
’’It’s Parker...you're very welcome!”.
’’Ok...see ya maybe Parker”. David then started walking towards the stairs. Parker’s voice was heard while he was walking away.
”Now want to be beaten by a ‘’old’’ man Oliver?”.
”You bet your life I’m gonna try again!” said Oliver confidently.
”Hmm...they seem pretty normal for being a Colax...oh well luckily he is here”. David then started walking up the stairs.
”This is gonna be interesting...I don’t even know what he looks like...but being a brother to The Brainwasher already makes a threatening title...then again I don’t even know what The Brainwasher looks like” said David thinking. He made it to the front door and the top of the stairs of the theater.
”Phew...ugh I’m meeting yet another dangerous robot...let’s get this over with” said David. The door was fancy looking. It had two metal handles and the door had a beige color to it. It even had two circle windows on it. David grabbed the handle and pulled the door open. David entered. It was a hallway that was going to the right.
”Ok no-’’.But before he even finished his sentence or done anything. David heard metal clanking sounds. Someone was walking by. David stood silent. A medium sized robot started walking past where David was.
”♪I won't deny it, I'm a straight rider...You don't wanna f#ck with me♪”. The robot continued repeating the words of the hit song ‘’Ambitionz Az A Ridah’’ by 2Pac walking down the hallway.
”....I never seen a robot like him before...that just might be him...never thought I see a robot interested in music anytime soon...I guess we should...follow him I guess” said David quietly. David sneakily walked into the hallway. He then started sneakily walking.
”♪But they can't do nothin' to a G♪” the robot continued. The robot made it to a double door and pushed it open. They then went through and continued walking.
”If that was him...why would he be at a play?...I thought he would hate anything Jacob created” David thought. David slightly sped up his walking. He eventually made it to the double door and slowly and quietly opened it.
”Just gotta”. As he said that he went past the double door and quickly grabbed both doors on the other side. He then slowly ‘’pushed’’ it closed slower then it would have been.
”...Phew...there we go”. David turned around. He continued walking. He looked around his surroundings and saw a stage with a spotlight onto someone doing something. David couldn't really tell yet. The robot was walking on the opposite side of the room. But they then walked past some type of pole and turned to the right. They weren’t seen in David’s vision anymore.
”Ugh...I guess I have to encounter him now...please don’t kill me and only hate Jacob” said David slightly scared.
”Alright...maybe he is just a misunderstood person...who knows the stories might not even be true...I mean I did get bitten by a alive clown puppet...and actually attacked by a green and red eyeball with tentacles that could create fake memories in a golden tree...heh...my life has definitely gotten weird” said David thinking of memories. David made it to the pole. Before he continued walking he turned towards the stage. It was slightly far away but he could make out what was happening. There was a guy with a Colax helmet on and he was dancing to some music. He kinda looked like a average dad figure. He was wearing a commuter short sleeved shirt. He was slightly balding only on the top of his head. And he was wearing beige pants. He also had a work tie on.
”...Weird...okay enough stalling...time to meet him...hopefully he is nice” said David ready. David turned back to the right and walked forward slowly. He then stopped and looked towards where the robot went. He saw the robot sitting on a couch. There were multiple crystal humanoids surrounding the robot. It seems like it was the same creature on that pirate ship. Also there was a small hovering slightly blue sphere robot with a smiley face. It had a hovering machine under them.
”Isn’t this play just astonishing Genix?” said the sphere robot happily.
”Did you really just say this is sh!t is astonishing?...it’s literally a guy dancing for a couple hours...Jacob really didn’t try on the entertainment side of things” said Genix not impressed.
”Now now...Jacob is your creator...he respected you now you shou-’’.
”Respect?...deciding to let that stupid Brainwasher ‘’overthrow’’ me and taking all the spotlight doesn’t really sound respect worthy to me” said Genix angrily.
”...Well if you don’t want to respect him...then at least respect your own self and your well being and make yourself happy!” the sphere respected.
”.....What you said is actually smart for once…..eh payback is better” said Genix not caring.
”...Is that?...there are the crystal creatures that attacked me back in the ocean...why are they here?...oh well lets get his attention...uh...hey Genix!” said David loudly. Everyone turned and looked at David.
”Wh...oh you gotta be kidding...I thought you said there were none of those freaks here!” said Genix.
”Hmm...Jacob strictly said no citizens are allowed here...are you not properly perfected?” said the sphere robot confused. David noticed what Genix looked like. They had no head but had some electrical shape representing his face. It was all encased by a glass case similar to an astronaut's helmet. There was a constant surge of electricity in it.
”Um...I-’’.
”I don’t care what this stupid mindless techolic zombie has to say!...that Jacob has tricked me long enough!” said Genix very angrily getting up.
”Now what did I say about killing random strangers in our great city?’’ the sphere robot.
”I don’t care for these pawns!...they should have been mine anyway...and that means I can do whatever I want with them”.
”Heh heh heh” said a random voice.
”What’s so f#cking funny?” asked Genix. A silhouette of a creature was in the dark corner next to the couch and started walking more into the light.
”Heh...can’t you see?...Jacob wouldn’t have done this” said the mysterious person. They then went into the lighter part of the room. It was some type of blue furry creature that was tall as a man. He also had a jacket on. He was smoking a cigar.
”This fella right here...this guy wants something...I can see behind that pathetic attempt of being a Colax...come on kid...did you really think you could fool me?” asked the blue creature.
”...Uh...I...you see-’’.
”Oh!...is that the fabled enemy of this city...fish don’t breathe out of water like that” the blue creature pointed out.
”Th...that is our enemy!...you disgusting threat trying to keep our world being perfect!...I will notify Jacob immediately!” said the sphere robot. The sphere robot then attempted to hover away but the blue creature grabbed them.
”Sorry friend…but I have other plans for this fish…*whispers*...I want to see if they are worthy” said the blue creature.
”So...one of my boys was right...heh...no wonder one of my crystal minions didn’t come back” Genix remembered.
”Well...technically someone else killed him...but who was watching me?” asked David.
”Maybe I was wrong...anyways...that red sphere creature was spying on you in that coral reef...said that there is a chosen one coming to town...I’ve been planning to kill them ever since I heard the news...that fish is the prophecy that I was warned about since I was created...so what?...you want my password to my creator’s building?...well I’m not giving it to you...as much as I want him to be "scrapped" with the robots...I still want to rule this city...if I kill you and that fish...I will be even better than that Brainwasher could ever do” said Genix ready to fight.
”I honestly don't think you would wanna live up to The Brainwasher...I mean he literally takes people lives...in a literal sense that is lo-".
"Being to "take'' people's lives was my first attention since I was created...and I gotta say...that is gonna be one hell of a party” Genix explained.
”Uh...don't you think we should fight...with words?...just wondering’’ asked David.
”...This city of madness says otherwise...are you ready to get your a$$ kicked?” asked Genix sarcastically.
”I guess that’s out of the question…*sigh*” said David was not impressed.
”That is what happens when you mess with the big man...even though he is shorter than everyone in this room” said the blue creature.
”Hey...who’s side are you on?” asked Genix.
”Oh don’t mind me...I’m just playing my part...kill him already”.
”...Crystal minions...do the dirty work for me”.
*beep*” said all of the crystal minions. They all then started walking to the sides of Genix.
”That’s a little unfair don’t you think?” asked David.
``...I highly dou-...perhaps you’re right...I can show that I can kick a$$ then that robotic catastrophe could...very well” said Genix agreeing. There were about six crystal creatures. Genix put his hand on his other hand. His left hand had some type of ring on it. There was a button on it and he pressed it. Some gravitational pull started happening to almost all of the crystal creatures. They then were zapped into it except for one.
“Better?...now stop being picky on how I'm gonna kill you...let's rumble" said Genix getting into a fight stance.
``Well buddy...I gotta say I'm not surprised I have to fight again...it will all be worth it...alright let's go" said David also ready. They all both stared for a split second. Then after that Genix started running towards David and the blobfish. In response the blobfish opened their mouth and extended their tongue towards Genix. It then wrapped around his right arm. Genix stopped running.
``What the f...ok I see how it is" said Genix. Genix then jolted his arm back and pulled the blobfish towards him. Genix then started spinning the blobfish by their tongue in a circle.
``Ah crap!" said David as he started running towards Genix. While he was running he took off his helmet from his head. He then swung his helmet towards his glass case. It knocked him back a few inches causing him to let go of the blobfish’s tongue. The blobfish was unfortunately launched above the crystal creature. The crystal creature swiftly jumped in the air and catched him. They then landed on the ground. Genix turned around and noticed. He then turned back towards David.
’’This is the chosen one?...I must be extremely good at fighting...or that is the most bullsh!t attempt of the future of mankind” said Genix not impressed.
``Hey!...my buddy is not useless!...he will defeat The Brainwasher!” said David angrily.
”...Do you even know what The Brainwasher looks like?” asked Genix.
”No...but I know he would probably pay attention more”.
”What do yo-...ah sh-’’ said Genix as he turned around quickly. The blobfish skin was extending and ‘’suffocating’’ the crystal creature.
”Hey get off my merchandise!” said Genix angrily.
”Heh heh heh...enjoying the show robot?” asked the blue creature sarcastically.
”I am very much not!...I’ll tell Jacob to not trust any outsiders no more!” the sphere robot replied.
”You wouldn’t do that...would you?” said the blue creature putting pressure on the robot. Back to the others. Genix had both his hands on the heaps of skin trying to pull it off.
”What the hell is this stuff?”.
”That’s my buddy...buddy!” David replied back.
”Well...you obviously don’t know who you're messing with,” said Genix mysteriously.
”What do yo-’’. Electric started sparking around Genix.
”Heh heh...what a fool Jacob was not wanting this bada$$ power...I guess that’s life” said Genix about doing something. All of a sudden he disappeared.
”Saaaayyy gooodbye!” said Genix as his voice surrounded the whole room echoing. While this happened the blobfish started pulling his skin back to his former shape. David nervously started looking around. An echo of his voice then was heard behind him. David turned around. Behind him Genix with electricity appeared. He then punched somehow through his stomach.
”Ahhh!...uhhh...oh thanks buddy” said David shocked. Apparently the blobfish spat gunk on David’s stomach causing the portal to appear.
”Woah!” said Genix shocked as his fist went through the portal.
”Heh heh...I wonder where th-’’. Genix’s fist then punched the back of the blue creature’s head causing him to let go of the sphere robot.
”Ha!...don’t underestimate Jacob’s influence!...good luck stopping our perfect city now!” said the sphere robot happily. The sphere robot hovered away. The blue creature had his hands on his face in pain.
”Agh!...you piece of-’’.
"Oh...I guess a short stack can put a tall motherf#cker in their place huh?" said Genix mockingly.
"And I don't know who you think you are...bringing in that threat to this still flawed city that should be under my ruling...do you really think you are up for it?" asked Genix.
"I don't know if you heard...but I'm the guide...we are a team".
"Agh...sounds like a hot shot for a human" said the blue creature slowly getting up.
"...Then again...you made it to these parts despite all the dangers of this island...I may have seen the cameras from Jacob unintentionally or intentionally...you been through a lot...Genix...do you really want to be alone in that giant building handling problems you can't handle yourself?...I've been your friend for how many years?...you developed a better personality then The Brainwasher and I haven't even seen him myself...look maybe this city business isn't suited for us" the blue creature explained.
"...When the hell did you decide to be inspirational?...did I hit you in the head that hard?" said Genix in disbelief.
"Look man I'm just trying to look out for you...don't you get tired of being constantly reminded by these "people" and robots that this is a "perfect" lifestyle?" the blue creature exclaimed.
"...Well th-".
"You have two choices here pal...choose your creator that only uses you for his goal...which I might add is freaking world domination...possibly universal...or your friend that sticks with you since I got in this forsaken city away from the actual humans...well friend which one are you going to pick?" said the blue creature wholeheartedly.
".....You're...you know what…why...why am I trying to impress some a$$hole trying to help in the wrong way?...his freaking name is literally The Brainwasher...I don't want to be that...that robot is soulless more than a robot already is...Jacob discarded me just because I didn't fuel his likings...I'm better with my own personality...it makes who I am" said Genix rethinking.
"Wow...yeah man why would you want someone to control your life where you could make it your own...especially it involves controlling people's lives where you can't even control your own...by making you take over the world alone by yourself with no feelings whatsoever...I think the choice you're making is pretty good" said David.
"Look man...sorry about the misunderstanding...there is a reason why that fish is the chosen one...you can have the passcode…I rather have him dead then doing whatever he wants in the universe...the passcode is 1897...what's your name anyways?".
"It's David...I'm glad that you are on our side now...so why don't you two just stay here and act normal so no one catches on...thanks again blue guy...I would stay here longer but I kinda have a crazy guy after me" David explained.
Genix laughed while the blue creature said"Aren't we all crazy?...say Genix wants to tell him your secret?".
"Wh...oh...sure...I have a secret elevator under that couch...lt leads to Jacob's building just so I won't have to walk there each time...nice meeting you man" said Genix as he stuck out his hand. The blobfish was going towards David. David shook it.
"Well I guess we are off to the next step buddy...let's meet Jacob finally" said David as he grabbed the blobfish. He started walking towards the couch.
David made it but stopped and said "Uh...how does this work?". The blue creature then kicked the side of the couch. The couch started shaking and started lifting upwards. A tubular blue and glass elevator was revealed. It then automatically opened.
”...Cool”. David walked into the elevator. He then turned back and faced forward. The elevator closed. The blue creature walked in front of the elevator.
”Peace man...defeat that freak”.
”Will do”. The elevator then quickly started going down. David was slightly startled.
”Well I-’’. The elevator then stopped going downwards and started moving backwards. David’s body jerked a bit.
”Wow this is pretty-’’. The elevator switched motion again and started going up. After a split second the elevator went above ground and stopped.
”...Quick”. The elevator dinged and then opened.
”I guess we are here...I hope we are right next to the building”. David stepped out of the elevator.
”...”. David walked almost a meter away. He turned around and looked upwards. It was a tall black building. It oddly had a strong stare to it. Representing passionless textures of the whole city somehow.
”Well buddy...I guess this is it...where we wil-’’.
”Ahem”.
David turned around quickly and said ‘’Huh?’’. It was the comedy mask again.
”Hello again!...aren’t you nimble to make it this far”. It seems like David can never escape his fatal enemy one way or another. His past finally caught up with him once again. Hopefully David will defeat it once and for all.
Part 1 end

Note this is just for fun, and based off of the default skins
Hell Ember: Remodel him overall, as his design is decently scary, but unfortunately the model takes away from that effect. Maybe changing his body type could also be beneficial. Then give him a better weapon (such as his beta one) as well.
Smiley Face: Make his default skin have the same face as what most of his b tiers have, and give him back his chainsaw.
Ripper: Definitely change his mask, as currently the face looks more cute than creepy. Maybe a few blood patches on his clothes could give him a scarier vibe as well.
Gamekeeper: Definitely change the body type, and maybe add more deer like features. Along with that, changing his facial structure to be a bit scarier, along with maybe altering his pants might help.
Soul Weaver: This is for her B tiers especially, but alter her face, as it looks too human to be scary. Either make it look full on spider, or full on human, rather than a mix of both. As for ingame, her walking animation looks silly and if they changed that I think she would be a lot scarier ingame.
Geisha: For her demon form, alter the masks face to be a bit scarier, though it's pretty good already. For her beauty form, I'd just say to make it look too pretty in an unrealistic, but creepy way so when she turns into her demon form there is a big contrast, but I don't have specific ideas of how to do that.
Feaster: While I do think he could be scarier than he is, for the most part the concept isn't especially scary within itself so I believe the current design is as scary as they could get without completely changing the base idea.
Photographer: Making his cracked form way more distorted, maybe with uneven facial features or something along those lines. For the normal form, make his face look more sinister, instead of handsome like it currently is. That might be able to be done with a giant smile for example.
Black/White Guard: Definitely making their face scary could help, and adding on more Frankenstein features as well would be nice.
Mad Eyes: Give him a creepy smile like his official art. Along with that, add more scars and maybe even a few bug-like features to match with the effect his goggles give him.
Dream Witch: Change the facial structure into a more realistic one, and remove the blindfold to give her a scary, Medusa-like face. If not that, maybe one similar to that of a sculpture. For her servant, change the hairstyle (not sure what to change it to though), but other than that it's pretty good.
Axe Boy: Make his "head" extremely slanted as if it's about to fall off. Add bloodstains on him and his clothes, especially around his neck.
Evil Reptilian: Other than a few facial changes, I can't think of anything. Similarly to Feadter, they did everything possible with the design, and while it in itself isn't too scary, it's as scary as I believe they can get.
Bloody Queen: First off, remove her head as it makes a lot more sense to the story and makes her creepier. Give her boney and long fingers as well, and maybe make rips in her dress (like her worn clothes).
Guard 26: Make him as uncanny valley as possible, like his a tier skins. Additionally, even though I believe they have done a good job already, make him seem as nonhuman and robotic as possible, as it adds to the heartless effect he gives off already.
Ann: Make her extremely thin to an unrealistic degree in the waist. Maybe change her cat into something entirely different, or just make the cat itself a lot scarier so it doesn't look silly paired with her.
Violinist: His design is very well done and creepy, maybe occasional twitches would be nice though.
Sculptor: Make her eyes extremely big, and give her face a doll look to it. Maybe even make some of it look plastic. From there, maybe even a glass eye could be cool. Emphasizing her child-like features might be a nice touch as well. Finally, maybe sometimes she will occasionally just twitch her face downwards.
Undead: Make his face as monstrous and scary as possible instead of being humanoid. Maybe adding more stitches on his overall body and parts of his face as well.