After much consideration, and planning, I am going to return to video production. When I began making videos on a weekly or monthly basis, I had plenty of free time due to the big coof. This was me learning things like scheduling, editing, how to make the microphone work, and I learned plenty through trial and error. There is a dramatic difference between my first videos and my recent ones because of this learning experience. But as I learned about how to make videos, I learned that I was wasting my time with them.
A LOT of time.
Whatever you’re thinking is a time waste for a video is not really it, unless you’ve been there and done that. During that time, I ruined my sleep schedule and would even pass up on small money opportunities, all because I thought my Youtube videos would send me into stardom. Plant a seed, watch it grow, that sort of thing. But, looking at my numbers, it was the exact opposite. Each video coming out, utilizing the keywords and subject matter as a reason to click, was essentially a false sense of activity.
Working on other people’s channels created even more false cases of activity, which created a false sense of justifying why I’m putting labor into something.
Like most artists, I was gaslighting myself into thinking that the time spent into a project was going to translate into a future income from something else. We always see these videos where it seems zero effort was put into it and it goes viral, not realizing that years of failing and group efforts were required to reach those results. And even then, a youtube video existing doesn’t cause a person to instantly gain money from that existence. I have a friend who made a viral video and he didn’t get anything from millions of views, because there was nothing to monetize. I have another friend who made a viral video, trying to recreate the magic, and nothing came of it after a year or two of trying.
Not only is it hard to receive results, but the amount of time it takes to attempt is ridiculous. I didn’t time myself, but if I knew how many hours were sunk into each video, I would probably pull out my balls in anger. The process of each video was a mess of:

1. Writing down a script (takes more than an hour to write an hour of script)
2. Recording the audio (takes more than an hour to record an hour)
3. Editing the audio (takes about double the time of whatever its recorded)
4. Making the thumbnail
5. Making the avatar
6. Collecting images
7. Collecting video clips
8. Making images and clips
9. Editing through clips that are too long
10. Adding sound effects
11. Finding and adding music
12. Waiting for it to render (usually this is where I go to do other things)
13. Rendering it AGAIN through handbrake so it’s a smaller file (quicker than waiting for uploading a multi GB file)
14. Uploading it across youtube, bitchute, and rumble

I don’t want to make this sound like I’m complaining, but this is the bare minimum effort that goes into a youtube video, not mentioning the details of how things are edited or the issues with troubleshooting. A lot of what ate up my time was realizing when things aren’t working way too late, such as how GIFs don’t register well and they slow down a larger project. Or better yet, how a large project slows down to a crawl and you have to render multiple segments separately in order to keep things running smoothly. My files, as organized as I tried to keep them, were unorganized as hell because I would set them up during production instead of before production. Then by the end of it, there would be something wrong that I would have to edit, remove, I forgot something, something vanished between saves, or even corrupted files because I moved something and didn’t realize it was part of something else.
Video editing is utter hell in the beginning, but it gets better after you look after your process and actually organize everything well.
I spent a night the other week changing up all of my files. I put them on my desktop, where I can easily access them, and away from my downloads. This is important because your downloads can be bogged down with anything you download, and eventually it becomes a massive mess of pictures, videos, game patches, or whatever else you’re downloading; all getting in the way of your actual project. You want your files to be files within files, and each file is marked clearly for its purpose and its direction. I had a million songs splayed out in different areas and couldn’t remember where they were, of course when I wanted them, all because they would get trapped in piles of other things I downloaded for later.
My file finding time is now only limited by the slowness of my computer acquiring it.
Audio began as a mess of me going through each line to make sure there was no extra noise, and having to fix anything that was too quiet or not full enough. Turns out I was making my audio way too maximized and wasting a lot of time on stuff that people wouldn’t even recognize as an issue. Now my audio mixing is done through OBS, already set up as a particular compression and volume that will stay in the acceptable range, with noise removal already set up.
My audio recording/editing time is closer to how long it takes to speak.
Developing each chapter card, clipping them together, having to find the font, typing everything out. These, along with getting sound effects working, took up too much time. What I did is make a plan to prepare all of these first, before anything else is added to the video, so that I know how many chapters there are. They don’t take that long to render, because of how short they are, and it takes way less time to do that than to shift gears at the end of the production day. Shifting gears every couple of minutes, that was wasting too much time, which is now changed to doing one specific task each session.
My “switching” time is removed, thus saving time.
Music was added in the beginning, as one of the first things. This was wrong to do, because of how many times I would want a clip where the music continues through it, only to realize that this continuation forced me to keep a massive background of editing history, which slows everything down through production. Adding music as the last bit, and after rendering, will save me minutes for every time I boot up the video editor, which saves hours over time when I’m going to have to go back and forth on video editing. My lifestyle only gives me an hour or two at a time to sit in front of the computer, and so editing will require less wait time for the process to warm up.
My rendering time will increase(as I go to do other things), but my waiting time will decrease.
Through my new process, I am also considering a different view of each video type. Recently, I saw a video about how kindle books are categorized between low, mid, and high content; related to how much effort it takes to make each one. My previous attempts were to, essentially, make high effort content as consistently as possible, which was going to be draining when these were events that came and went. Current news like Lindsay Ellis being stupid or DSP looking like a fool on Sidescrollers are incredibly time sensitive, which is why so many people stream these “news reports” instead of making high effort videos about them. And even if it was a long term type of video, we have to question if it REQUIRES that much effort to begin with.
My plans for the future are to measure how long I take with each session, what I get done, track down percentages, and measure what the longest steps are. Figuring out what’s causing a hold-up is the best way to prevent hold-ups, in the same way city builders (should) keep track of what’s causing traffic jams. Too many traffic jams? Get rid of cars or open more lanes. Keeping track of things is going to take minutes to save hours, which is something I should have practiced more on doing through my practicing year.
Videos are done with marketing in mind, because I don’t plan to make money from them. My “branding” is storytelling, art, art-related lolcows, and I guess that pesky culture war. People begged me to go fully political, but I think political is a step below philosophical, which is where I would rather go. I would rather explain the psychology and aesthetics of media, instead of repeating myself as to how offensive or woke something is. Yes, I make fun of Lindsay for being woke, but I explain why she is and where it comes from, which is something more important than some kind of drama farming that grifters do.
I would rather be a source of information than a pointless attack dog for someone above me, which is why I try to separate myself from the people who do such nonsense. I’m not with these movements, I don’t care to promote people I don’t care about, I’m not going to go easy on people just because “we’re on the same side”. Everyone gets made fun of or nobody gets made fun of, and I’m year of monkey, bitch. This monkey wants bananas and youtube is not going to supply any. But it supplies plenty of vines to swing around from, as I Donkey Kong my way from topic to topic.
Like anything else in life, videos need to be worth my time, meaning their expense needs to be dropped dramatically. Hour long, multi-hour long, these were excruciatingly hard to do. The next goal is to make sure everything is kept around 30min long, unless it’s going to be a bi-yearly 1 hour long video that will be the highlight of the year, which is where full book analysis videos come into play. The scripts for everything else will be written down as articles, with the better of the articles being made into low content videos.
Podcast style will be for low effort, being made weekly.
A new style will be for mid effort, which is where 30min of history or explanation is presented with video clips, being made monthly. Video game clips will be placed around here as well, unless they can be made bi-weekly.
And the classic, me in my room with my ASS computer, will be for the high content, for subjects that take far too long to make on a monthly basis.
This planning is still in the works, it’s an effort to create a strategy and a schedule for everything. The goal would be to place an hour a day per video, creating steps for each video, and using each other as progress reports for the bigger ones. It will be like placing smaller squares into bigger squares until the biggest square is complete, allowing me to visually determine my progress across such a subject. This is also a way for me to appear more productive, because content will be constantly coming out on a clear schedule. Only bad side about it is that this means 3 hours of my day are used for videos, and this won’t be possible for every day until content creation is my main job.
Before I can have this be a thing, it will be a slow, preemptive creation process, with smaller projects being made as my “short stories”, to then determine if I’m ready for a bigger “novel” of a project. And that’s how I have to approach video editing: the same way I would with storytelling. No more determining that length means better, or more time means more results. Now I’m going to obey the market, go for what’s expected of me, and react to feedback. If something doesn’t work, or doesn’t make a dent, I try something else.
I think that’s why people get mad at me, when they see that I am trying something else all the time. This is normal, but I’m told that I’m “an interloper” or “will never win” because I willingly give up on things that don’t work. Sorry, losers, but being unorganized and wasting my life is not worth it. I like money, and I like vaginas. If I wanted to be poor and wasting my life, I would have kept slamming my head against a wall and failing like most of what indie does.
And yes, the OPC reviews will be translated into videos, as well as my own short stories. I began as a crackpasta narrator, after all. I was thinking of putting a lot of radio drama production into my narrations, but I would want to keep them low effort until they start attracting all of the attention from their titles. A lot of people try to narrate their stories and they don’t make a spark anywhere with them. But as time goes on, and I get more videos under my belt, I could easily narrate for others, create a network, and get things going. It’s not that hard to get things working once you know what you’re doing.
The main time waste that we all fall for is chaotic activity and the lack of planning.

Welcome to the Daily Q&A!
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What's up all! 4th Wall here! I finally have power returned to my home, and can play a little catch up! This one's a heavy hitter, No NSFW needed (I hope) but if you've got kids, be warned.
First, Previous, Next
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A bright flash of blues and whites spat a greyish black object into normal space a mere one hundred Clicks from physical asteroid cloud that provided a natural barrier into the Lurix system. USN Olyvia’s drives instantly flared to life, and she made for the outer edges of the asteroid field with a purposeful stride. The senior Crew was at hand, having alternated shifts so they were well rested for this endeavor. Captain Correllus Grarzia shifted in his chair slightly, watching with interest as his star helmsman switched from his standard control configuration to a more “analog” twin joystick and pedals. ‘The kid really should be piloting a fighter’ he mused just as the young lad turned to look at him. “Ready, skipper”

“Take us in. All ahead slow.” Cory ordered calmly, before keying up the ship wide broadcasting channel. “This is the captain. We’ve just entered the Lurix system. Rig for silent running. I repeat, rig for silent running.” All across the ship, nonessential systems were shut down; their lack of electronic signature aiding the stealth coating on the bulky former troop transport. In engineering. Patrick, Cammy, and the rest of their section powered down a large portion of the larger systems onboard.

Life support was set to emergency backup, with old school oxygen candles lit in special housings that allowed their life-giving emissions to be circulated throughout the ship. Each major section of the vessel had their own supplies of these low-tech solutions, and Olyvia carried enough of these candles to survive for several days without functioning life support if needed.

Only a few were lit this time, using them as an augmentation to allow for minimal use of their perfectly functioning life support systems; and Cammy returned from the compartment just in time to aid in shutting down two thirds of Olyvia’s fusion reactors. This was not usually part of the silent running protocol, but Cory had added it for this mission. While they knew where their target would be, they still knew very little about what defenses awaited them inside the system.

Patrick keyed up the mic, “Engineering reporting in, silent running.”

*acknowledged* came a voice back. And Patrick leaned back in his chair just as Cammy arrived. “Well, that’s that.” He sighed.

Cammy stepped behind his chair, rubbing his shoulders for a second, “candles are lit. Two per section. At this rate we won’t run out for a year.”

Patrick chuckled, standing before looking over at his team, “sandwiches are in the mess hall. Half go now, half after. We’ll wait and go with second shift.” The team nodded and soon. The room was half as full. “Hurry up, and wait” Patrick mused, and turned to the rest. “Hold’em anyone?”

Over the next several days, shifts were kept short with a high rotation frequency. Olyvia picked her way through the natural minefield created by a destroyed world, slipping between the dead planetary shards with deadly caution. She ran quiet, with all but minimal deflectors shut down, and a single detuned laser online on each of her flanks as a last resort against impacts. Cory, Jesse, Patrick, and Cammy met regularly to keep tabs on the ship’s progress. The admiral’s transmission had reached them in time, and the four of them, plus Jacky when she could pry herself from the infirmary, worked to formulate a plan to get into the freighter without killing everyone. They had Hera and Jacobs reports, but those reports also admitted to a certain degree of incredible luck on their part. Things could have gone very differently, and the murder of the freighter during the admiral’s capture operation hinted at a change in tactics from their foe.

Mackenzie’s Privateers had liberated several freighters since they began operations, keeping to their cover as “pirates” by leaving nothing big enough to betray their secrets behind. A few of the other captains had left pieces of inoperative Unity tech, strategically damaged and jettisoned after the fight, as red herrings to convince both the Vorath, and the Thermians that these “pirates” had somehow gotten ahold of Unity warships.


Cory stepped into the cargo bay to meet Patric and Camorra. They were tinkering, carefully he hoped, with one of Olyvia’s harpoon missiles. It was a project triggered by Cammy’s brilliant, if outlandish, idea. “We know these freighters all ran the same codes, and the same infrastructure in their computer cores. Why can’t we hack it. Human computing should be perfectly capable of it.” Cory remembered her words as he stepped up to the two, “at ease” he waved them away as they threatened to salute him, “how’s out little project coming.”


“See for yourself” Patrick smiled handing him a data pad.

Cory took the offered device, quickly scanning through the data, “All I see is Olyvia’s system logs. Did you give me the wrong one?”

Patric smiled evilly, “that is coming from the missile, we found a common power regulator chip that dam near all Delmar freighters use in their integrated core management. Our mole here mimicked that regulators protocols to get into one we installed in a conduit over there” he pointed to an open panel. “It’s designed to cycle through several common chip sets and protocols to get access.”

“You hacked Olyvia?” Cory asked, eyebrow raised in a combination of amusement and irritation.

“Well, “Cammy said calmly, “we had to test it, and Oly’s the only ship close enough…”

“I see…” Cory mused, “it will have to do, we will be reaching the edge of the field in three days, how many of these can you have ready?”

Patrick scratched the red stubble punctuating his jaw line. “Hmm two, maybe three, including that one.” He winced at his captain’s expression, “took us a minute to get the virus right, sorry.”

Cory sounded to himself like a broken record, “I guess that will have to do as well. I’ll leave it to you.” He turned to return to his office but was interrupted half way there by an urgent request for his presence on the bridge.

Jesse rose to greet him as Cory stepped into Olyvia’s command center, and he nodded towards the ready room off to the side. The two of them quickly stepped inside and Jesse closed the door. “Jesse, what’s this about” Cory asked, settling into his desk chair.

Jesse, his first officer, and battle born brother looked at him seriously, “The first of our stealth probes have made it into the system proper….. It’s not good” He tapped at his data pad before handing it to his captain, “The enemy is doing something big down there, and we don’t know what. What we do know, Is that there are three heavy cruisers in orbit, and three more destroyers in floating patrols around the system.”

Cory scrolled through the pad as his first officer made his report, pausing at the same information on the planet’s surface, “These are military installations. This makes no since. We haven’t had a use for Lurix in millennia. It’s always just been a haven for aquatic and semi aquatic species. Why didn’t our intel warn us of this.”

Jesse nodded grimly, “I don’t know for sure, but I have my suspicions.” He reached over, tapping at the tab to open a particular file Cory had yet to find. “We found these in orbit as well.” He pointed to a pair of Delmar constructed freighters, parked in orbit over the marsh world. “I authorized a single transmission to a single drone, uploading Patrick and Camorra’s hacking program into it, and we sent it to one of those freighters... this is what we found.”

Cory opened the indicated file, and felt bile rise in the back of his throat as he watched. “Ready a tight beam, send it back the way we came, Towards Simo.” Jesse looked at his captain in understanding. The risks of transmitting this close to the enemy was a grave risk. Measured against the information they just witnessed; however, it was an absolute necessity. Jesse took the offered tablet, “The Admirals need to see this…. Both of them.”

————————————————————


Clint Stevens groaned as his communicator beeped from his desk. It was a very early morning on a weekend, and Frie had let Natalie stay at her grandparents for the weekend. He quietly slipped from the entanglements of a profoundly comfortable Delmar goddess he had somehow been gifted with as his wife, and silently cursed the inevitable destruction of his plans. The Com was linked to his computer console, and Clint tapped the file as he sat down.

The file opened, beginning with a grim looking Corellus Grarzia who made an intro statement that froze Clint in his thoughts. Before he could begin to prepare himself, images flooded in that turned grogginess into razors edge consciousness ringing with a white hot fury. Frie was ripped from her slumber instantly, reaching for her biometric pistol safe as a response to the unbridled rage she experienced from her husband. It took her a moment to realize that they were not being attacked, and she rushed from their bed, neglecting even basic decency to be by his side.

The two of them watched the Horrors unfold. Children… small children of multiple different races, stacked in a freighter’s hold like cattle, being thrown food like one would an animal. Massive screens played, promising safety and full bellies should they only but kiss the hand of a severe looking Vorath female. All who had not, were treated to daily ice cold sprays mixed with random beatings. He watched as desperate older siblings attempted to shelter their kin from the abuse, often times paying the ultimate price for their valor.

Clint and Frie were spared a further assault on their senses by a beeping light, indicating an urgent call from Clint’s adopted brother. Frie slipped out of view, reaching for a night gown as a furious Mac, accompanied by an equal parts shocked and livid Lyrian, appeared on screen.


“You’ve seen it” Clint stated. There were no barriers between them, no formalities. Only pure truth.

“I have,” Mac rumbled. “Why is it always kids..”

Clint shook his head, “I can have a battle group there in two weeks. It’s not soon enough, but.”

Mac nodded sharply, “I’m redirecting everyone not on critical missions. Simo and Kid are already there with Olyvia. Wisconsin is enroute. We will await your arrival….. Clint…” Clint’s eyes met Mac’s in a joined promise that reached across time and space.

“No, there won’t.” Clint answered, responding to Mac’s unspoken statement.

___________________________________________________________

A week later, The Chancellor Thomas Durrant of the Sol Federation perused the latest transmissions from Unity space. He was due for reelection this coming fall, and it was a close race. His opponent was labelling him a Warmonger, as he was an outspoken proponent of a more active role in the struggle against the Vorath, and it was working. The points were closing in the polls, and The Chancellor had not come out on top with the latest debate results. Humanity simply was not interested in further conflict. For the first time in human history, the vast majority of the Human race was content with peace.

The Chancellor took a sip of his mug as he opened a file from Admiral Stevens marked priority, but not top secret and promptly spit the contents in his mouth back into the mug. It was a complete file on some kind of intelligence operation, and Durrant almost wondered if it had been sent to him in error. The gruesome cover video dispelled that notion as the leader of Humanity itself watched horrors thought long dead play out in front of him. Several minutes later, he closed the file, and opened a message prompt.


“Viktor, are you up.” He typed.

*Yea, Tom. I’m up, the campaign ain’t gonna run itself into the ground.*

Durrant snorted at the dark humor, “Viktor, I was sent something. It changes… everything” he typed, attaching the cover video, and the longer form surveillance recording he had found inside the file from Clint. Several minutes passed in tense silence before…

*Jesus Christ, Tom.*

Tom Durrant took a long slow breath, “Do you still have your man at The Post.” He paused before sending, knowing what he was asking.

*Yea… yea I do, Tom. Are you sure you want to do this. This has ‘it will blow up in my face’ written all over it.*

“I know, but this bigger than me. Do it, and announce a press conference to follow if The Post runs with it.” Durrant typed and sent the last message, closing down his console. He stood slowly, feeling his age for the first time in recent memory, and walked heavily to bed.

The Post ran with the story. In the next 48 hours, the “leaked” scenes of tortured children, some barely more than infants ripped its way into Humanities Psyche. The revelations of what exactly was going on behind Vorath lines assailed Humanity, spurring many to call for blood, and Others to cry hoax. Around and around the political commentators debated, and redebated the shocking footage.

Chancellor Thomas Durrant followed through on his word, and was now stepping up to the platform and the Microphone as promised. He stood there for a full minute, meeting the eyes of as many of the hundreds of reporters before him as he could. The weight of his expression prompted a flurry of flashes as camera drones captured the image. Durrant allowed all of this to happen, waiting until the din of activity settled into a heavy silence. “People of Humanity… By now, you have undoubtedly seen the shocking pictures from the far side of the galaxy. Many of you believe it to be a hoax, a desperate ploy for political points. Allow me to be clear. This is no hoax, I received these disturbing images directly from Admiral Clint Stevens, who is marshalling the forces at his disposal as we speak. He aims to do something about these orbital concentration camps, and I support his actions with the full backing of my authority as Chancellor of the United Sol Federation.”

Durrant paused, letting the information sink in before continuing, “to answer the question as to whether this is a political ploy for points. Let me be perfectly clear, I alone released the footage from inside those torture ships, and I do not care if you believe it to be a political ploy. If Humanity can see the atrocities committed to the young innocents in those images and refuse to stand up for them; I no longer would wish to lead that Humanity. Yes, we are few compared to what we once were, but we have a strength that cannot be fathomed by those who chose to side with pure evil. Make no mistake, any being that is capable of torturing and murdering children deserves the title.” The Chancellor of United Sol skewered the silent crowd with a withering gaze, “All of you here know that I have been an ardent supporter of taking a more active role against this pure evil, and my opponent has made a great many statements regarding my supposed “warmongering”. I believe that to debate him further on this matter is as wasteful as it would be irrelevant. As such, I am suspending my campaign immediately. Pending permission from donors and the campaign review board, I will be donating the totality of my campaign war-chest to the purchase of relief supplies and construction of rehabilitation facilities for these children.” Durrant paused as a wave of gasps swept through the room as a volley of flashes assaulted his eyes. “Holding the position of leader of the Human race seems so insignificant in comparison,” he said softly, almost to himself before scanning the crowd. “The election is 4 months away. If you wish to reelect me, so be it; but know this.” Thomas Durrant rose to his full height, “If you elect me this fall, know that I will use the full weight of this office to unleash the full might of Humanity upon this evil, or I will resign from my post and travel to Unity space myself.”

With that. Chancellor Thomas Durrant spun on his heals and marched off the stage.
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If you made it this far, Thank You! I hope you enjoyed the episode. If this if your first time seeing this series, I hope you will join us from the beginning. I do have a patreon that has extra content that is not main story arc, but still cannon shorts, as well as exclusive content from some of my other series. If you believe I've earned it, feel free to give it a look; but know that just coming to hang is already enough.
Have a wonderful rest of your day.
First, Previous, Next Patreon

We're all keeping an eye out for the next big 'meme coin' project, the next Doge or Shib, something that can take us to the Moon and change our lives. And in the quagmire of rug pulls, bots, scammers, and wall to wall shilling of new projects it's hard to pick a winner, we're all in the same boat folks.
The metrics on Kendu are easy to find, and if you haven't you should DYOR there, but the metrics are not what seperate Kendu from the swamp, yes the metrics are growing rapidly, Shytoshi etc etc, but it is the vision of the Dev and the energy of the community that makes Kendu different.
If you've spent any time in meme coin telegram you'll know that so many of these new meme coin chats are full of bots, scammers and have low genuine community involvement. Kendus telegram chat gives a good indication of the solidarity of this project, it's extremely active and vibrant, but it's also very kind, welcoming and supportive, they do not allow any bots and scammers are booted within seconds. The community is cranking at all times (not uncommon to wake up to 4k unread messages), being driven by the lead Dev, the core team and early holders, who you can speak with directly at any time, they encourage everyone to get involved, they build hype and spread kindness, and most importantly they have fun.
Although I have personally spoken with the lead Dev Miazaki in one of their regular Dev spaces, I've spent a lot more time listening to him speak with his core team and to newcomers. This guy is different, I certainly wouldn't describe him as the most eloquent person I've followed, he's one of those people that is a little unhinged in some way, a bit of a nut, we all know the type, there's plenty of them out there and they're mostly considered to be a bit loose, but every now and then one of them does something great, beyond great even, in the way that no normal one of us could ever do, I believe that along with Miazaki's boundless vision and ambition, he is a born leader, and this combination makes him different.
Miazaki doesn't call kendu a meme coin, and that has lead me to ponder on what a meme coin is, which as far as I can tell is nothing, it has no inherent value, it doesn't even exist, it's built entirely on human emotion, the price rides on waves of emotion, nothing more. Perhaps what we call meme coins are part of the greater evolution of wealth and economies, we started trading shells, then coins, then folding, we built massive economies that merged together and are now merging with the internet. Perhaps the creation of meme coins is part of a greater evolution, leaving products and services behind and growing an economy on human emotion, and where does that lead? What is it showing us?
This is the type of vision Miazaki has. I believe he can see a bigger picture, and he has drive, and he's a leader. It's a deadly combination folks. He's pushing to create a movement that is 100% community driven that could be part of changing the game, part of the greater evolution.
The current price of Kendu is also a good indicator, it's holding a floor around $35M market cap so it's not a huge risk, all the metrics are growing and if this goes where Miazaki dreams, it's still very early.
I'm not suggesting you ape in, just relax your judgement for a moment, take a look at the telegram, take a look at some other community telegrams if you haven't, try to get a sense of the community, the vision and the potential of Kendu. If you can afford it, throw a bit in and get involved with the community, it's fun, you'll meet a lot of new and interesting people and make some new connections. And maybe, just maybe, Kendu will change the game

We're all keeping an eye out for the next big 'meme coin' project, the next Doge or Shib, something that can take us to the Moon and change our lives. And in the quagmire of rug pulls, bots, scammers, and wall to wall shilling of new projects it's hard to pick a winner, we're all in the same boat folks.
The metrics on Kendu are easy to find, and if you haven't you should DYOR there, but the metrics are not what seperate Kendu from the swamp, yes the metrics are growing rapidly, Shytoshi etc etc, but it is the vision of the Dev and the energy of the community that makes Kendu different.
If you've spent any time in meme coin telegram you'll know that so many of these new meme coin chats are full of bots, scammers and have low genuine community involvement. Kendus telegram chat gives a good indication of the solidarity of this project, it's extremely active and vibrant, but it's also very kind, welcoming and supportive, they do not allow any bots and scammers are booted within seconds. The community is cranking at all times (not uncommon to wake up to 4k unread messages), being driven by the lead Dev, the core team and early holders, who you can speak with directly at any time, they encourage everyone to get involved, they build hype and spread kindness, and most importantly they have fun.
Although I have personally spoken with the lead Dev Miazaki in one of their regular Dev spaces, I've spent a lot more time listening to him speak with his core team and to newcomers. This guy is different, I certainly wouldn't describe him as the most eloquent person I've followed, he's one of those people that is a little unhinged in some way, a bit of a nut, we all know the type, there's plenty of them out there and they're mostly considered to be a bit loose, but every now and then one of them does something great, beyond great even, in the way that no normal one of us could ever do, I believe that along with Miazaki's boundless vision and ambition, he is a born leader, and this combination makes him different.
Miazaki doesn't call kendu a meme coin, and that has lead me to ponder on what a meme coin is, which as far as I can tell is nothing, it has no inherent value, it doesn't even exist, it's built entirely on human emotion, the price rides on waves of emotion, nothing more. Perhaps what we call meme coins are part of the greater evolution of wealth and economies, we started trading shells, then coins, then folding, we built massive economies that merged together and are now merging with the internet. Perhaps the creation of meme coins is part of a greater evolution, leaving products and services behind and growing an economy on human emotion, and where does that lead? What is it showing us?
This is the type of vision Miazaki has. I believe he can see a bigger picture, and he has drive, and he's a leader. It's a deadly combination folks. He's pushing to create a movement that is 100% community driven that could be part of changing the game, part of the greater evolution.
The current price of Kendu is also a good indicator, it's holding a floor around $35M market cap so it's not a huge risk, all the metrics are growing and if this goes where Miazaki dreams, it's still very early.
I'm not suggesting you ape in, just relax your judgement for a moment, take a look at the telegram, take a look at some other community telegrams if you haven't, try to get a sense of the community, the vision and the potential of Kendu. If you can afford it, throw a bit in and get involved with the community, it's fun, you'll meet a lot of new and interesting people and make some new connections. And maybe, just maybe, Kendu will change the game

We're all keeping an eye out for the next big 'meme coin' project, the next Doge or Shib, something that can take us to the Moon and change our lives. And in the quagmire of rug pulls, bots, scammers, and wall to wall shilling of new projects it's hard to pick a winner, we're all in the same boat folks.
The metrics on Kendu are easy to find, and if you haven't you should DYOR there, but the metrics are not what seperate Kendu from the swamp, yes the metrics are growing rapidly, Shytoshi etc etc, but it is the vision of the Dev and the energy of the community that makes Kendu different.
If you've spent any time in meme coin telegram you'll know that so many of these new meme coin chats are full of bots, scammers and have low genuine community involvement. Kendus telegram chat gives a good indication of the solidarity of this project, it's extremely active and vibrant, but it's also very kind, welcoming and supportive, they do not allow any bots and scammers are booted within seconds. The community is cranking at all times (not uncommon to wake up to 4k unread messages), being driven by the lead Dev, the core team and early holders, who you can speak with directly at any time, they encourage everyone to get involved, they build hype and spread kindness, and most importantly they have fun.
Although I have personally spoken with the lead Dev Miazaki in one of their regular Dev spaces, I've spent a lot more time listening to him speak with his core team and to newcomers. This guy is different, I certainly wouldn't describe him as the most eloquent person I've followed, he's one of those people that is a little unhinged in some way, a bit of a nut, we all know the type, there's plenty of them out there and they're mostly considered to be a bit loose, but every now and then one of them does something great, beyond great even, in the way that no normal one of us could ever do, I believe that along with Miazaki's boundless vision and ambition, he is a born leader, and this combination makes him different.
Miazaki doesn't call kendu a meme coin, and that has lead me to ponder on what a meme coin is, which as far as I can tell is nothing, it has no inherent value, it doesn't even exist, it's built entirely on human emotion, the price rides on waves of emotion, nothing more. Perhaps what we call meme coins are part of the greater evolution of wealth and economies, we started trading shells, then coins, then folding, we built massive economies that merged together and are now merging with the internet. Perhaps the creation of meme coins is part of a greater evolution, leaving products and services behind and growing an economy on human emotion, and where does that lead? What is it showing us?
This is the type of vision Miazaki has. I believe he can see a bigger picture, and he has drive, and he's a leader. It's a deadly combination folks. He's pushing to create a movement that is 100% community driven that could be part of changing the game, part of the greater evolution.
The current price of Kendu is also a good indicator, it's holding a floor around $35M market cap so it's not a huge risk, all the metrics are growing and if this goes where Miazaki dreams, it's still very early.
I'm not suggesting you ape in, just relax your judgement for a moment, take a look at the telegram, take a look at some other community telegrams if you haven't, try to get a sense of the community, the vision and the potential of Kendu. If you can afford it, throw a bit in and get involved with the community, it's fun, you'll meet a lot of new and interesting people and make some new connections. And maybe, just maybe, Kendu will change the game

For context, I am a model. I’ve recently hit a small success in my career which landed me some publicity. However, it drew a lot of evil eyes onto me.
For example; my ex (who I’m still in contact with and we’re working things out) has some past women from his life that I’ve noticed were lurking onto my page. He does not have my name on his account, just a picture of us. A certain girl was lurking through and I noticed. I requested to follow to make her know I saw her; denied. Second time; denied and blocked. Then I noticed a couple of women associated to her watching me.
Now, this woman I know for a fact is not a witch. But her energy seemed to project onto me. As well as a couple of other women but I know none of them are witches.
My question is, what do I do in this sort of situation to give them back that energy and keep mine pure? My life was going great until recently. I got some stomach sickness that had be starving and on bed rest for almost 3 weeks, damn near lost my life. Was doing amazing in school then after I got sick, I did horribly and had to drop classes. My ex (which we were together at the time) all of a sudden became majorly depressed and illogical.
I haven’t spoke to or even know these women. I spread love and peace as much as possible. I’m such a loving person and it does hurt to see this. I’m not really sure what’s going on but it is not normal. Has anyone experienced this before?

Shortly before a final paper with pre-assigned topics was due for one of my last courses at Columbia University, our professor sent us an email telling us to forego the previous parameters of the essay, and to instead write about the events that had occurred not even forty-eight hours earlier, as well as our reflections on them, to be done in any manner we chose. Here is a very lightly revised version of what I submitted: read it, ignore it, upvote it, downvote it, hate it, love it.
I am prefacing this essay by stating that it is the culmination of several intense emotions that I have been dealing with over the last few weeks, more specifically, the last several days. It is a free-form expression of the many things occupying my mind, and, as such, it may seem overwhelming or disjointed. Nevertheless, I will do my best to convey my feelings into something representative of my beliefs, and my time at this institution.
My time at Columbia University has been bookended in an almost comically bad way; it started with Zoom classes during the COVID-19 pandemic, and now it ends with Zoom final exams due to the lockdown of Columbia’s campus after protests regarding the Israel – Palestine conflict reached a fever pitch not just within Morningside Campus, but the international stage. My classmates and I missed in-person orientation, and now, given recent developments, we will not have a University Commencement, a fact I found out not from Columbia, but a New York Times alert, somehow lowering my opinion of this administration’s handling of recent events even more. While the circumstances around my time at Columbia have now both begun and finished in the same manner, I am proud to say that I have not. I do not mean that Columbia has simply made me a better writer, a more critical thinker, or more well read, although it certainly has done those things, sometimes forcing me to when I was not particularly in the mood to do so, but those improvements pale in comparison to the maturity and empathy my time at this university has given me.
When the decision to transition to remote learning during the Spring 2020 semester was made, occurring only a short time after I had received my acceptance letter (email), my first thought was how the pandemic would affect my transfer from community college to Columbia in September. Admittedly, this was a selfish perspective, considering the tremendous challenges that many would endure during the ensuing lockdowns and other upheavals of life. My concerns were solely focused on myself because I was on a simple track to graduate, place my degree on my resumé, and continue my trajectory of military service to college to employment, leaving little else to consideration, to include other people who were not in my immediate circle. Sitting here now, two weeks from graduation, with a job at a Fortune 500 company lined up, I should be happy, with the plans I had made years ago coming to fruition. Yet I cannot help feeling a sense of sadness and concern for the school I have spent years of my life at, and for the world as a whole.
James Hatch, a former member of the United States’s elite Naval Special Warfare Development Group, or DEVGRU, for short, more commonly known by its nickname, Seal Team Six, famous for its involvement in the killing of Osama Bin Laden and the rescue of the Maersk Alabama Captain Richard Phillips from pirates, amongst other things, spent over twenty years in the military. After being wounded on a mission to rescue American serviceman sergeant Bowe Bergdahl from enemy forces, he was medically discharged, and would eventually attend Yale University. While there, he wrote a piece titled My Semester with the Snowflakes (please give this a read, it will help people who have never been in the military understand its culture, along with some of the challenges veterans face when transitioning to college), where he details his initial discomfort with being in a vastly different environment than the military, surrounded by individuals who possessed opinions and beliefs contrary to the ones he was accustomed to. He recalls witnessing a student protest the country he spent over two decades serving by coating her hand in red paint, and leaving a palm print on an American flag, and details his shock when a classmate of his explained to him what a “safe space” was, as well as his pride when he began to understand the nuances of life both inside and outside of the nation he dedicated twenty-six years to.
I can relate to Mr. Hatch, (despite my service paling in comparison to his, as well as the fact that Columbia is far superior to Yale), because, like his friends who make fun of him for attending college with a bunch of “snowflakes,” mine do the same. More significantly, however, his personal growth during his time at school is something that I have experienced myself. When I started at Columbia, I did not even know which major I would choose, and was largely lost in a world very different than the one I had come from. Despite this, I made the decision to avoid communities such as MilVets and the students who made it very clear that they came from a military background, with their style of dress and demeanor, not because those organizations and individuals are a detriment; I know for a fact that MilVets has helped countless students succeed at Columbia and beyond, and the veterans that I have relationships with are all phenomenal people, but because I wanted to pressure myself into being exposed to something different. I was uncomfortable at first, but this turned out to be the right decision. I learned as much from simply talking to people whom I would normally never converse with about topics and ideas that I had never encountered as I did during classes about great works of art, polar and Cartesian coordinates, literature, astronomy, the list goes on.
If the protests about the Israel – Palestine conflict had occurred when I first started at Columbia, I would have been frustrated by the students taking up space, forcing us to be funneled on to campus by restricted access points and identification checks. Likely irritated by the disturbance of the quiet during finals season, I would have agreed with the people who called for students to simply focus on their assignments and stop inconveniencing others by shouting about something occurring on the other side of the world. Instead, I decided to learn about the conflict, educating myself about both sides of a war that has roots extending back millennia. While Columbia University did not agree to the demands of the protestors, they achieved something else they surely desired, reaching a goal they did not state to President Shafik and her advisors: they brought attention to their cause by educating at least one additional person about it.
After reading, talking to people, listening to input from students within various classes, and understanding that things such as the intertwined nature of financial workings, as well as conflicts not just in the Middle East, but all over the world, are a level of complexity that baffles some of the most brilliant minds of ours and previous generations, I will leave my thoughts about Israel and Palestine separate from this paper. I recognize that it is important to choose a side, as remaining impartial helps no one. However, when every news agency, group and individual makes their voice heard, satirical sources such as The Onion make these kind of posts, or Adult Swim’s Rick, the nihilistic, narcissistic, psychopathic, misanthropic lead character from the series Rick and Morty, addresses the conflict in this manner, I feel that it is better to relegate myself to a much smaller part of this debate, namely the occurrences on Columbia University’s Morningside Campus.
During basic training for the United States Army, a sense of brotherhood and camaraderie is hammered into recruits’ identities. When you graduate and are assigned to a unit, one where you could be thousands of miles from home on the opposite side of the country, or even in a completely different country, serving on one of the international bases, approaching someone who you have never met before is easy. Talking to them about shared experiences and stories you have in common, and the bonding that occurs, is the product of an indoctrination process and lifestyle that has existed longer than any of us have been alive, and is proof of its effectiveness. This sense of familiarity tends to continue even when one leaves the military. The Veterans of Foreign Wars community is a place for prior servicemembers of all conflicts to share a drink, a laugh, and sometimes a tear. When I go to the Veterans Administration Hospital for periodic check-ups or the occasional injury, men and woman wearing hats commemorating their service during Vietnam waiting for their appointments greet me with a smile and a handshake, as if we have known each other for years. While working at a golf club’s greens department before I transferred to Columbia from community college, a coworker of mine who had served in the Gulf War had heard from our supervisor that I had been in the Army, and he introduced himself to me on my first day, before anyone else, telling me that if I needed anything, I only had to ask. This camaraderie has expanded to encompass not just veterans, but first responders such as firemen, EMT’s, and the police as well.
Underneath the picture on my driver’s license, the word “veteran” is emblazoned next to a star, written in bright red text and all capital letters. I know for a fact that this one-and-a-half-inch indicator has helped me during interactions with law enforcement on multiple occasions. Only earlier this semester, during Presidents’ Day weekend, I went upstate to spend time with my family. While driving back, in an effort to make the seven-hour trip at a reasonable time, I was stopped for going twenty miles-per-hour over the speed limit. The officer who pulled me over, initially reserved, became noticeably more friendly when I handed him my license and registration. Ultimately, he gave me what amounted to a parking ticket for my actions, rather than the point-incurring, heavily fined moving violation he could have charged me with.
The ‘Thin Blue Line,’ as it is known, is a reference to the idea that the police are the barrier between law abiding citizens and criminals, order and chaos. The most common representation of this concept is a black-and-white American flag, with a single blue line in the place where a red or white stripe would normally be. This style has been expanded to include numerous other colors representing other first-responders: green for the military, red and white no longer to be interpreted as the traditional stripes of the American flag, but instead meant to represent the fire department and paramedics, and even grey for corrections officers. Seeing the appropriation of one of the most iconic symbols in the world, one that flies above the White House, schools, homes, national and international events, and even the Moon, I can say, as someone who has been unwillingly entangled within that appropriation, is nothing short of terrifying.
The fact that these entities and their supporters have literally sewn themselves into the fabric of the symbol of our nation makes one think that there is little room for the countless other occupations, aspects and people that make up this country. The idea of the police being the sole protectors of our society is patently absurd, and all one must do is point out the many instances of police brutality occurring over the years to refute it. I find myself thinking of how much power the officer who stopped me just three months ago had over me. Initially, I was happy that I had received a slap on the wrist, but recently I have found myself wondering what if my license did not state that I was a veteran, would he have charged me with a ticket that would have had much more serious implications? What if he was simply having a bad day, and he decided he did not like the look of me, or the color of my car, and I was the one who he ultimately decided to vent his frustrations on? This traffic infraction, an incredibly small incident compared to all the turmoil in the world, one that involves two strangers, supposedly bonded by our professions, on the side of a quiet, New York highway, serves as a metaphor to me, reminding me of the power structures at play on a much larger scale.
On April 22^nd, 2024, I received this email, one of the many Clery Crime Alerts that students are automatically sent. An affiliate of Columbia University had their car stolen at gunpoint by two masked men on Claremont Avenue, not even a five-minute walk from campus. I skimmed the report, and almost immediately forgot about it, recognizing that crime is an inevitability in major cities, and that I needed to start my commute to school. Days later, on the night of April 30^th, 2024, I received another email from Columbia, containing one of the most ominous messages I had ever seen, one that put the kind of fear in my heart that not even the alert of an armed carjacking could. Columbia’s Emergency Management Operations Team, offering no explanations, specifications, or even a greeting or sign-off, wrote in bold letters these three sentences: “Shelter in place for your safety due to heightened activity on the Morningside campus. Non-compliance may result in disciplinary action. Avoid the area until further notice.” Due to the protests on campus during recent weeks, President Shafik testifying before Congress, Columbia’s role as one of the main catalysts for student protests around the country, and the occupation of Hamilton Hall occurring in the earlier hours of that day, it was not hard to figure out what the email was referencing. Over the next several hours, I followed news agencies, remained glued to the Columbia subreddit, and listened to WKCR, in awe of these eighteen- to twenty-two-year-old students putting themselves at risk to deliver on the ground, accurate, unbiased coverage of one of the most significant events in the school’s history.
While tracking the events from multiple perspectives, to include the social media accounts of those near and on campus live streaming them, I held out hope that the university would make good on their promise from several days earlier to not invite the NYPD back, but a frightening picture began to unfold, one that I was intimately familiar with. One WKCR reporter stated that 114^th street had so many officers on it that he could not see the asphalt of the road beneath them, and I knew that the staging area the NYPD had chosen was one of the best routes for moving towards what the military, and presumably law enforcement, would call an ‘objective.’ The officers cleared the smaller ‘objective,’ the largely unoccupied tents in front of Butler, and then moved towards Hamilton Hall, ordering even those not associated with its occupation to disperse, raising my stress levels and likely those of others, as it is rarely a good sign when police do not want their actions recorded and archived. After the initial entry to campus and clearing of areas and people in the immediate vicinity of Hamilton Hall, came the Long-Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, a device that makes a megaphone sound like a whisper, and one known for its crowd-control potential, capable of producing sounds loud enough to cause damage to ear-drums, nausea, and headaches, ordering individuals to clear away. The NYPD began its execution of tactics in a way that my fellow soldiers and I used to rehearse, tactics I never dreamed that I would witness outside of the military, and certainly not by police officers who vastly outnumbered unarmed students on their own campus. The NYPD created a perimeter, or a ‘second layer of security’ to both provide reinforcements for the officers entering the building, and to prevent the fleeing of what are called ‘squirters,’ or individuals who attempt to escape the building after the raid begins. While the ‘breach’ team moved towards the front doors, using tools from a ‘hooligan kit,’ such as bolt cutters, hand-held battering rams and crowbars, a siege machine was brought in to allow access from a window; when taking over a building, the idea is to overwhelm it from as many different directions as possible to better disorient and overwhelm its occupants. Flash-bang grenades, described as non-lethal, but known to have harmful effects, were thrown inside, presumably before entering any room, hallway, or otherwise enclosed area to minimize the resistance of anyone unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of what can only be described as an assault on the visual and auditory senses. According to the Manhattan District Attorney, one of the officers inside Hamilton Hall had what is called in the military a “negligent discharge,” meaning his firearm went off unintentionally. While no one was hurt, the question remains why at least one, and more likely, numerous other officers were carrying guns loaded with live ammunition in the first place, when they so drastically outmatched the protestors in numbers and equipment. Additionally, a negligent discharge is an act of incompetence that would result in an active-duty soldier facing serious consequences, and derision from his peers. So far, the officer remains defended by his coworkers, and unpunished by his superiors.
As all this unfolded, I communicated with my friends from the past and present. My friends from the military checked on me to ensure that I was okay, as did my friends from school. The difference in how they viewed these events highlights what I believe is the change in myself that I stated I am most proud of at the beginning of this paper. My friends from the military were commenting that the assertion of order and control by way of militarized tactics was necessary, not concerning themselves with the human toll and destruction of trust that came along with it. Conversely, my schoolmates lamented the brutality and overstepping of boundaries that the NYPD and Columbia’s administration committed, one that turned a place meant to be a beacon of free speech, expression, and ideas, into what is now a police-state with strict control over who enters it.
My education inside and outside the classroom at this institution has challenged, thrilled, and changed me. Sitting here now, at the end of this paper, the end of the semester, and the end of my time at Columbia University, I am left feeling confused and sad regarding recent events, but also hopeful for the future. I know from experience that the students, teachers, and culture of this school have the power to encourage critical thinking and initiate personal growth. If it did those things for me, surely it can do the same for others

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRa-Lunch
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: May 5, 2024
I want this to be quick. I feel really weird about this and I’m on the verge of asking for a separation.
So, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11. Amazing relationship, small bumps of course but nothing like this.
I’ve always made lunch for my husband to take to work, and up until a little over a month ago that was fine. Middle of March he said that a new Turkish food stand opened up outside of his office and that he had been eating lunches there instead because they were good. Alright, no problem.
So he just completely stopped asking for lunches. I had maybe packed 5 during this time frame for him, but I’m not even sure he was eating them now.
So on Thursday I was at home working and I had a phone call from him, thought he was calling during his lunch but he had butt dialled me instead.
At first, I didn’t hear much, just him talking to someone, and I was about to hang up until I heard a woman’s voice as well. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, but I was a little bit curious so I muted my call at work and listened.
It was just standard conversation at first, he was praising this woman’s cooking A LOT. Which of course made me realise that he was eating lunch this coworker made. I was a bit peeved but there’s an explanation sure.
Although that went out the fucking window when she said “is it better than your wife’s?” To which he replied “Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it’s not tasteless for a start” followed by laughing.
First of all, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 15 years of cooking and NOW he has a complaint? And not even to me but some coworker!!
Also, that absolutely isn’t innocent on her end right? I’m not crazy in thinking that’s so weird, why even bring me up?
Anyway, I raised hell, ended the call, sent him a message not to ‘worry about my tasteless cooking anymore’ and that he ‘can eat from the bin’ from now on.
Hes apologised, said that he loves my food and was just trying to seem cool in front of his coworker. I asked why he lied about where he was getting lunch from, and he said that initially he did get it from that stand, but the coworker started offering and he didn’t want to tell me because he thought that I would get jealous (yeah, can you blame me?)
So, I’ve been airing him since. I’m still pissed to be honest, I haven’t made him lunch or dinner, only for myself since he said that he dislikes it so much. He said today that he’s apologised and that I shouldn’t keep punishing him but I’m literally an inch from going to my mums. I have a suitcase with my clothes packed under our bed ready.
Dad thinks it was a stupid comment, but that I should work it out, mum is on my side regardless of my decision. I’m thinking about leaving for a few days at least, maybe a separation but I honestly just want some reassurance if that’s what’s best here?
Relevant Comments
OOP on if this was a one-off situation

OOP: It’s a one off and so insanely weird coming from him. He’s never been that type of person at all. I can’t remember a single time hes said something negative about me to myself, never mind to someone else!
He hasn’t been suspicious with his phone of behaviour at all. He comes home on time and if he’s out with friends I can pretty much confirm it, so I’m not sure. Maybe at most an emotional affair or a crush? But at the moment I don’t think he’s cheating. I honestly just feel really hurt

OOP on if her husband can cook or not

OOP: He can barely cook, so it’d be more of a punishment for me to be honest. I’ve been making him cook for himself since this happened and he’s been miserable. Definitely agree with the asshole coworker though, no clue why she had the audacity to try and bring me up like that

I didn’t know. Yeah he’s apologised, but I’m still pretty hurt over it. Cooking for 15 years just to have him badmouth me sucks. Ideally I want him to cut ties with that coworker of his too for bringing me up. He won’t mention much of her but I feel like she’s just as bad too.
I’m also pretty annoyed he lied to me for a month about the fact that he was eating lunch with this coworker, her lunch too. I don’t see why he would

Blue-eagle-23: Has he agreed to stop having lunch with her? Even if she is not hoping to get with him she is certainly not a supporter of your relationship.

OOP: He said that he’ll stop having lunch with her and apparently has done since that happened. (Although I have no way of proving this)

the_taco_life: If he's not cheating on you with his much younger coworker, he wants to/is trying to. Man my vagina would dry up and blow away in a puff of dust over such classic creepy older dude behavior.
You're not overreacting. You're under reacting.

OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. He’s just so plain to me now.

issa_username29: Yeahhhh honestly I’d probably leave for at least a couple of days too, overhearing something like that would piss me off! Has he been weird with his phone or any other communication devices?

OOP: Absolutely nothing! No change in behaviour either. He hasn’t been cagey or weird, he’s let me use his phone whenever before all of this happened. He’s been completely normal

 
Update May 7, 2024
I’m back. It’s not a great update but you all deserve one for all of the advice you gave me on my last post.
He confirmed that he developed a crush on her, it’s an emotional affair at least and that’s all I really need to hear. I sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.
Bottom line are these points.

• if I hadn’t of heard what he said, he most likely would have continued flirting with her, he admitted this himself.
  
• he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
  
• She has actively been persuing him for over 3 months now, he hadn’t put a stop to it until I caught him.
  
• The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.
  

The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I’m genuinely so angry more than anything. I did everything for him. I make double what he does so I paid all the bills, while we used his money for fun stuff. When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I dealt with his night terrors every bloody night, despite it ruining my sleep. I reassured him constantly despite not getting it back. All of it without a bloody complaint. You love someone so much just for them to throw you away so easily.
He cried, had a panic attack that I had to calm him down from and is now taking his time packing. He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. I can’t even express how disgusted I feel, like I physically can’t even look at him anymore.
There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me, I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.
He keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it, but of course he knows, he’s just too much of a coward to tell me.
Well whatever, it’s done now. He’s leaving, his family is back in Germany so fuck knows who he’s staying with, probably her but I’m washing my hands of him.
Thank you for all of the advice you gave me on the last post, so many great ideas that I didn’t even end up needing to use because he just down right admitted it all to me.
Relevant Comments
Katatonic92: Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;

1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.

Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.

OOP: Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.

OOP on her husband’s co-worker being a problem

OOP: She is A problem. Singular. I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. But regardless. Yeah, she wanted to fuck a married man, is that fucked up? Absolutely, and if the chance comes around I’m being petty and getting revenge. But seriously, who’s the hell is she? Did I spend 15 years of my life with this woman? Did I make vows to her? NO.
Read this, then reread it sir. My HUSBAND, is at fault here, because he knew damn well what was going on. He knew this woman wanted him, he knew what was going to happen and he let it. What can I do to her? Nothing, what can I do to my husband? Divorce him. That’s the bottom line.
For the love of god, stop dick riding my husband and move on, it’s actually insane that I have to say this but no one is defending that woman, no one, we’re coming rightfully for my husband because of HIS part in all of this.

 
Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. I’m safe. - May 9, 2024
I can’t post another update to the relationship sub, and I didn’t know if people would see it if I just made an edit myself on my other post. Some shit went down, but I’m okay. Yesterday night STBX contacted me. A lot of people told me to delete my recent update made of the post, it honestly slipped my mind that he could be reading it too,
He said that he was a bit hurt that I’d think he would go for Alimony. But that he understands given everything. He told me that he wasn’t going to but if he needed to sign something to prove it he would.
I said given everything that’s happened he can’t blame me for being on alert. He said that he’s quit his job and that he’s thinking about returning to Germany to be with his family there, additionally he says he’s cut contact with that coworker. He apologised again and wished me the best
Right, and that would have been just fine by itself. But I woke up at about 2.15am last night needing a wee and I saw my ring door bell going off. I have footage of him just sitting outside my house talking to himself. Literally he got there at 1 ish, knocked, sat down on my front steps and just started talking. I slept through it and only woke up because I needed the bathroom. I literally sat in my closet for ages just watching the camera not knowing what to do until he left at 3am.
He’s probably going to read this too but I’m somewhere safe, I just can’t tell you all for obvious reasons. He sent me a message saying he can’t lose me, that I’m the love of his life. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
I really can’t say much, but I’m taking action. Absolutely don’t worry about that little prick.
Just a possible last update, it’s a bit risky to tell you what’s happening now that it’s gotten a bit shittier, just in case it gets back to him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on her husband blowing up his life for his emotional affair and doing anything to get her back

OOP: I did end up asking him why he declined her offer for a blow job. I feel like at this point it’s pretty done and dusted, there isn’t really a need to keep lying.
He said the main thing was that he was a little bit afraid to cross that line, and that he had rationalised to himself that since it hadn’t turned physical, it wasn’t bad. (He didn’t really elaborate on why he was afraid, but we were each other’s firsts, so that’s maybe why?)
I cringed a bit writing about her feeling up his muscles. It feels a bit gross to type out for some reason. My STBX is a physically big bloke. He’s 6’6 and roughly 270. He was in the military for a while and he never got out of that routine. I really don’t know what he means when he says his muscles. I mean it could be any of them.
My heart does really hurt for him in a strange way. I was a bit panicked this morning after I woke up from the nights drama worried if he had a night terror or something. I know that he betrayed me, but I still can’t stop hoping that he’s okay. I’ve messaged some of his friends to check up on him just in case.

OOP on if she and her husband have kids

OOP Nope! No kids thank god! We’re childfree

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

It is easy to forget, as one is looking at old patents online, that not every inventor spoke English. I’ve looked at several interesting non-english patents in the past, and stumbled over an interesting looking one today too. It is for how to do attach a handle to your shaving apparatus. Or to put it in a different way; a handle attachment to your razor.
Patented by Paul Druseidt, the invention gives a razor that both pack flat and is easy to assemble. It consists of a normal-ish razor head and a U-shaped handle made from spring steel. The handle is ever so slightly smaller than the head of the razor and can nestle inside it.
Patent drawing from German patent 323,451
The key is the shape of the recesses or hole on the underside of the razor. The keyhole, if you will. As can be seen from the drawing, it was longer one way than the other, and had arches or troughs on either side.
The U-shaped handle was, as mentioned, springy. You would insert it along the long axis of the hole, then twist it 90°. The arches on either side would stop it from slipping back, and the tension of the spring steel would hold it in place. After shaving the handle could be twisted back, removed, and placed against the inside of the razor head
Or, to quote the patent;

…der U-förmig gebogene Handgriff 6 zwecks Befestigung an der Kammplatte 2 mit seinen federnden Enden 5 in zwei unter der Kammplatte vorgesehene muldenförmige Aussparungen 4 eingeführt und sodann um 90° gedreht wird, wobei die federnden Enden in zwei weitere, enger aneinander liegende, muldenförmige Aussparungen 3 eintreten und in diesen festgehalten werden, während er nach Gebrauch aus den muldenförmigen Aussparungen herausgezogen und von unten gegen die Kammplatte gelegt wird.

For those whose German is a bit rusty, the autotranslated version runs as follows:

…the U-shaped curved handle 6 for attachment to the comb plate 2 with its resilient Ends 5 inserted into two trough-shaped recesses 4 provided under the comb plate and then rotated by 90 °, the resilient ends in two more, narrower Adjacent, trough-shaped recesses 3 enter and held in these while he is pulled out of the trough-shaped recesses after use and is placed against the comb plate from below.

All clear and fairly straight forward.
I though initially that a top cap could have been fastened by the pair of hook shaped projections on the bottom plate. I also though that these projections also would have acted as blade guides for a normal Gillette three hole blade.
Further research showed me that maybe was no top cap, and the hooks just held on to a proprietary blade. The first hint came in Waits’ Razor Compendium. Waits’ Compendium do mention a Druseidt razor – along with the similar Impero and Ratio razor. And in the description of the later, Waits states that “the special thick double-edged blade has two square holes and two centre oval dimples”.
Waits’ Compendium also mentions that “later versions has two pieces”, by which he seems to mean that at least the late production Ratio was made with a top cap. This in turn matches with pictures I found in a thread over on Shaving Universe, which clearly shows a top cap.
A top cap, I might add, that looks very much like Waits’ description of a “special thick double edged blade”…
Was Waits just confusing a poor quality picture of a top cap for a proprietary blade? Quite possible. It could simply be that a lot of the Druseidt, Impero, and Ratio razors that have survived have lost their top caps over the years.
Interestingly all three of the razors mentioned also have u-shaped handles. But none of the three has the handle attachment method described in the patent. Instead they uses a swinging out handle, which still relies on spring pressure to lock in place.
Overall the Druseidt patent looks like it would make an interesting razor, possible more interesting than the Druseidt razors that were actually manufactured.
You can read the full text of Druseidt’s patent at Espacenet, or a translated version at Google Patents.

It is easy to forget, as one is looking at old patents online, that not every inventor spoke English. I’ve looked at several interesting non-english patents in the past, and stumbled over an interesting looking one today too. It is for how to do attach a handle to your shaving apparatus. Or to put it in a different way; a handle attachment to your razor.
Patented by Paul Druseidt, the invention gives a razor that both pack flat and is easy to assemble. It consists of a normal-ish razor head and a U-shaped handle made from spring steel. The handle is ever so slightly smaller than the head of the razor and can nestle inside it.
Patent drawing from German patent 323,451
The key is the shape of the recesses or hole on the underside of the razor. The keyhole, if you will. As can be seen from the drawing, it was longer one way than the other, and had arches or troughs on either side.
The U-shaped handle was, as mentioned, springy. You would insert it along the long axis of the hole, then twist it 90°. The arches on either side would stop it from slipping back, and the tension of the spring steel would hold it in place. After shaving the handle could be twisted back, removed, and placed against the inside of the razor head
Or, to quote the patent;

…der U-förmig gebogene Handgriff 6 zwecks Befestigung an der Kammplatte 2 mit seinen federnden Enden 5 in zwei unter der Kammplatte vorgesehene muldenförmige Aussparungen 4 eingeführt und sodann um 90° gedreht wird, wobei die federnden Enden in zwei weitere, enger aneinander liegende, muldenförmige Aussparungen 3 eintreten und in diesen festgehalten werden, während er nach Gebrauch aus den muldenförmigen Aussparungen herausgezogen und von unten gegen die Kammplatte gelegt wird.

For those whose German is a bit rusty, the autotranslated version runs as follows:

…the U-shaped curved handle 6 for attachment to the comb plate 2 with its resilient Ends 5 inserted into two trough-shaped recesses 4 provided under the comb plate and then rotated by 90 °, the resilient ends in two more, narrower Adjacent, trough-shaped recesses 3 enter and held in these while he is pulled out of the trough-shaped recesses after use and is placed against the comb plate from below.

All clear and fairly straight forward.
I though initially that a top cap could have been fastened by the pair of hook shaped projections on the bottom plate. I also though that these projections also would have acted as blade guides for a normal Gillette three hole blade.
Further research showed me that maybe was no top cap, and the hooks just held on to a proprietary blade. The first hint came in Waits’ Razor Compendium. Waits’ Compendium do mention a Druseidt razor – along with the similar Impero and Ratio razor. And in the description of the later, Waits states that “the special thick double-edged blade has two square holes and two centre oval dimples”.
Waits’ Compendium also mentions that “later versions has two pieces”, by which he seems to mean that at least the late production Ratio was made with a top cap. This in turn matches with pictures I found in a thread over on Shaving Universe, which clearly shows a top cap.
A top cap, I might add, that looks very much like Waits’ description of a “special thick double edged blade”…
Was Waits just confusing a poor quality picture of a top cap for a proprietary blade? Quite possible. It could simply be that a lot of the Druseidt, Impero, and Ratio razors that have survived have lost their top caps over the years.
Interestingly all three of the razors mentioned also have u-shaped handles. But none of the three has the handle attachment method described in the patent. Instead they uses a swinging out handle, which still relies on spring pressure to lock in place.
Overall the Druseidt patent looks like it would make an interesting razor, possible more interesting than the Druseidt razors that were actually manufactured.
You can read the full text of Druseidt’s patent at Espacenet, or a translated version at Google Patents.

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/pM6zjgH
Pictures: https://imgur.com/a/jXBstlX
Slide: ZEV G17.3 Citadel RMR cut with ZEV RMR cover plate, ZEV backplate, and ZEV fiber optic sight
The barrel has rounds, the slide has zero
This slide has 0 rounds on it. Just a little bit of fondling and sitting in the safe. No real marks on this thing that I could find. Great condition. Any marks you see on it is merely dust/little specs of idk what. I wiped them off after the photo lol.
Barrel #1 (Bronze): ZEV Optimized Match Barrel
Got it on here a while back. Last owner stated it had about 500 ish rounds through it. There is only really wear on the normal place (top of the barrel where the slide meets the barrel). Everything else seems great, really slick slide. Just been sitting in the safe.
$480 takes the package.
Also: looking for a 507 Comp, a GG&G 1301 Zhukhov furniture set I'd be down do something with that. Also maybe a closed emitter optic.

Me - (M47) combat certain with diagnosed PTSD and assorted issues because of it.
Less than an hour ago, leaving from a perfectly normal, reasonable evening, walking to my vehicle with friends in a parking deck, one of the friend group (F20-something) decided to sneak up on me and yell while holding a pointy stick and said “you should pay more attention I could have just killed your right now”
So, triggered. I had an outburst, explained that I put in too much work to be me, and that nobody should be sneaking up on anybody for any reason. I did not threaten, or elude to what I was picturing, or what I felt. I did punch through an inanimate object of public ownership and inflicted damage to my hand. I drove home hyper-vigilant, called another friend, who also suffers from PTSD, and cried loudly and unashamed. I took a cold shower, treated my wounds, and I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to be awake, alert, and able to function tomorrow for what is supposed to be a big day for me. I do not think I am a risk at self harm, nor do I feel as long as I stay isolated I am a threat to others. I’m just so very angry right now. Angry that it happened, angry that I lost control, angry that I feel like I’ll be ostracized from this group because of this. I am not expecting to be forgiven, I just don’t want to be like this anymore. But I am, here we are, and it’s on me to deal with.

We have lived in a single family home rental for 7 years. The carpet upon move in was not new, but I don’t know how old it really is. There are pictures of the house online on Zillow from when it was sold it 2015 and it has the same carpet as when we moved in here in 2017. So I’m guessing at least 9 years old.
We are moving out, and I want to know our rights in case the landlord attempts to charge us for carpet replacement. My kids were younger when we moved in, and they really did a number on the carpet in their rooms. It goes beyond normal wear and tear, there are stains I’ve never been able to get out.
Can they charge me for carpet replacement? Or am I correct in my research that the useful life of the carpet has surpassed.
Thank you for your assistance!

Basically what the title says. Initially, the DMs start out normal ("Hey", "How was your day" etc) and then the account will ask "can I tell you something" and it'll be something like "I had a crush on a family member" or "my S/O has a crush on my mom"
If you react with something like "oh damn, thats crazy" they'll ask if you want to know more, and if you say you don't care either way (as I did, since I already suspected this was a bot/scam account), they go on to tell you the intricate details of what I can only assume is a fetish (the interest in family members, as both accounts that messaged me specified it was their mother that was "a milf". In addition to this though, i also suspect its a humiliation fetish, and they are wanting someone to say they (the account) is disgusting or something similar)
I was just curious if anyone else has had this experience with their insta dm's? I'm torn between thinking this is a weird bot, a scam of some kind, or a person who has made multiple accounts for their fetish. It's worth noting that the profile pictures for the accounts mentioned are "normal" looking too (selfie pose, bit of a snapchat filter, not super high quality pic or of super pretty people, just average looking people and pfp's)

Hi...
Well let's get in to it. First, I have no prof. Secondly, I will not source anything. Thirdly, google it (it's what I did).
Life is so fucking hard.... WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Degenerative Focus
My personal belief is that ADHD is a degenerative accelerant disease. What I mean by that collection of words that I put together for fun is that people naturally lose focus but people with ADHD lose it faster. By lose focus I don't mean the type of focus we lose in an hour I mean the type of focus we lose in a life time.
So picture a perfectly normal human brain person, we will call him, John. So john listens to music while watching netflix and texts with his friends all the same time because fuck it and everyone everywhere. What ends up happening is John loses his ability to focus on anything over time. Let's say for arguments sake... five years. In five years time he loses the ability to read and pay attention to what he is reading due to his bad habits.
Let's call subject two, Sad John. Sad John has ADHD and it makes Sad John well... you know. So let's say Sad John one day watches one youtube video and then another and then switches from one video to another without finishing one or the other. He starts to video hope like a freshman bar hopes... a freshman at any Florida university... just pick one. I swear two of them are named the almost exact same knowing there isn't much of a difference to celebrate. Now Sad John is unfocused. He is about as unfocused as John would be if he split his attention four ways every day for a few years.
Focus Cycling
Sad John doesn't like this state of mind, he hates it. So what could we do to help Sad John? In order to help him we first must understand Focus Cycling. Long story short you naturally become focused and unfocused throughout the day. It is almost as if it mirrors the brain's need to Sleep and Be awake. One must happen for the other to occur.
We want Sad John to be in control of his focus Cycle so he can take advantage of his focus. But what is also important to understand is that when someone tries to focus when Unfocused it further deepens the Degeneration of your focus. Think of it as straining your muscles when you are lifting waits and then something gives. It gets worse not better.
So how can we induce ourselves to be in the focus part of our cycle?
Default Mode Network
Think of it this way, you are in default mode. Default mode means you are. You be and not much else. What is particularly note worthy is even muscle memory when activated pulls one out of default mode.
Without going to much in to the since of it otherwise this might never end lol...
Lay down close your eyes. Palms up so that you aren't flexing your forearms. Try to pin point all of the tension in your body and relax the tension or else the muscle memory will be active. Breath slowly as if you are sleeping. And try to think of nothing. I know it is close to impossible but just try it and over time you'll get better. The idea is to just let your mind go wild and let it settle on it's own.
When it starts acting up again it means it is ready to focus on something. You have 20 minutes of focus. You are in your focus cycle and you have about 20 minutes to do your thing.
Just so you know it can be longer, they say people can focus up to one hour and thirty minutes at a time but since we have ADHD ... let's go with the smallest amount lol
And you do that. You read, study or what have you for 20 minutes and then go back in to default mode for as long as you need. You have to lay down for as long as you think you need to. Sometimes I'm laying down for five minutes, sometimes 20 seconds, just depends how jumpy my brain is.
You do this over time and you will unstrain your focus, meaning your base focus will increase.
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II. The Narcissistic Personality of Our Time
...
Social Influences on Narcissism
Every age develops its own peculiar forms of pathology, which express in exaggerated form its underlying character structure. In Freud’s time, hysteria and obsessional neurosis carried to extremes the personality traits associated with the capitalist order at an earlier stage in its development - acquisitiveness, fanatical devotion to work, and a fierce repression of sexuality. In our time, the preschizophrenic, borderline, or personality disorders have attracted increasing attention, along with schizophrenia itself. This “change in the form of neuroses has been observed and described since World War II by an ever-increasing number of psychiatrists.” According to Peter L. Giovacchini, “Clinicians are constantly faced with the seemingly increasing number of patients who do not fit current diagnostic categories” and who suffer not from “definitive symptoms” but from “vague, ill-defined complaints.” “When I refer to ‘this type of patient,’” he writes, “practically everyone knows to whom I am referring.” The growing prominence of “character disorders” seems to signify an underlying change in the organization of personality, from what has been called inner-direction to narcissism.
Allen Wheelis argued in 1958 that the change in the “patterns of neuroses” fell “within the personal experience of older psychoanalysts,” while younger ones “become aware of it from the discrepancy between the older descriptions of neuroses and the problems presented by the patients who come daily to their offices. The change is from symptom neuroses to character disorders.” Heinz Lichtenstein, who questioned the additional assertion that it reflected a change in personality structure, nevertheless wrote in 1963 that the “change in neurotic patterns” already constituted a “well-known fact.” In the seventies, such reports have become increasingly common. “It is not accident,” Herbert Hendin notes, “that at the present time the dominant events in psychoanalysis are the rediscovery of narcissism and the new emphasis on the psychological significance of death.” “What hysteria and the obsessive neuroses were to Freud and his early colleagues…at the beginning of this century,” writes Michael Beldoch, “the narcissistic disorders are to the workaday analyst in these last few decades before the next millennium. Today’s patients by and large do not suffer from hysterical paralyses of the legs or hand-washing compulsions; instead it is their very psychic selves that have gone numb or that they must scrub and rescrub in an exhausting and unending effort to come clean.” These patients suffer from “pervasive feelings of emptiness and a deep disturbance of self-esteem.” Burness E. Moore notes that narcissistic disorders have become more and more common. According to Sheldon Bach, “You used to see people coming in with hand-washing compulsions, phobias, and familiar neuroses. Now you see mostly narcissists.” Gilbert J. Rose maintains that the psychoanalytic outlook, “inappropriately transplanted from analytic practice” to everyday life, has contributed to “global permissiveness” and the “over-domestication of instinct,” which in turn contributes to the proliferation of “narcissistic identity disorders.” According to Joel Kovel, the stimulation of infantile cravings by advertising, the usurpation of parental authority by the media and the school, and the rationalization of inner life accompanied by the false promise of personal fulfillment, have created a new type of “social individual.” “The result is not the classical neuroses where an infantile impulse is suppressed by patriarchal authority, but a modern version in which impulse is stimulated, perverted and given neither an adequate object upon which to satisfy itself nor coherent forms of control…. The entire complex, played out in a setting of alienation rather than direct control, loses the classical form of symptom - and the classical therapeutic opportunity of simply restoring an impulse to consciousness.”
The reported increase in the number of narcissistic patients does not necessarily indicate that narcissistic disorders are more common than they used to be, in the population as a whole, or that they have become more common than the classical conversion neurosis. Perhaps they simply come more quickly to psychiatric attention. Ilza Veith contends that “with the increasing awareness of conversion reactions and the popularization of psychiatric literature, the ‘old-fashioned’ somatic expressions of hysteria have become suspect among the more sophisticated classes, and hence most physicians observe that obvious conversion symptoms are now rarely encountered and, if at all, only among the uneducated.” The attention given to character disorders in recent clinical literature probably makes psychiatrists more alert to their presence. But this possibility by no means diminishes the importance of psychiatric testimony about the prevalence of narcissism, especially when this testimony appears at the same time that journalists begin to speculate about the new narcissism and the unhealthy trend toward self-absorption. The narcissist comes to the attention of psychiatrists for some of the same reasons that he rises to positions of prominence not only in awareness movements and other cults but in business corporations, political organizations, and government bureaucracies. For all his inner suffering, the narcissist has many traits that make for success in bureaucratic institutions, which put a premium on the manipulation of interpersonal relations, discourage the formation of deep personal attachments, and at the same time provide the narcissist with the approval he needs in order to validate his self-esteem. Although he may resort to therapies that promise to give meaning to life and to overcome his sense of emptiness, in his professional career the narcissist often enjoys considerable success. The management of personal impressions comes naturally to him, and his mastery of its intricacies serves him well in political and business organizations where performance now counts for less than “visibility,” “momentum,” and a winning record. As the “organization man” gives way to the bureaucratic “gamesman” - the “loyalty era” of American business to the age of the “executive success game” - the narcissist comes into his own.
In a study of 250 managers from twelve major companies, Michael Maccoby describes the new corporate leader, not altogether unsympathetically, as a person who works with people rather than with materials and who seeks not to build an empire or accumulate wealth but to experience “the exhilaration of running his team and of gaining victories.” He wants to “be known as a winner, and his deepest fear is to be labeled a loser.” Instead of pitting himself against a material task or a problem demanding solution, he puts himself against others, out of a “need to be in control.” As a recent textbook for managers puts it, success today means “not simply getting ahead” but “getting ahead of others.” The new executive, boyish, playful, and “seductive,” wants in Maccoby’s words “to maintain an illusion of limitless options.” He has little capacity for “personal intimacy and social commitment.” He feels little loyalty even to the company for which he works. One executive says he experiences power “as not being pushed around by the company.” In his upward climb, this man cultivates powerful customers and attempts to use them against his own company. “You need a very big customer,” according to his calculations, “who is always in trouble and demands changes from the company. That way you automatically have power in the company, and with the customer too. I like to keep my options open.” A professor of management endorses this strategy. “Overidentification” with the company, in his view, “produces a corporation with enormous power over the careers and destinies of its true believers.” The bigger the company, the more important he thinks it is for executes “to manage their careers in terms of their own…free choices” and to “maintain the widest set of options possible.”
According to Maccoby, the gamesman “is open to new ideas, but he lacks convictions.” He will do business with any regime, even if he disapproves of its principles. More independent and resourceful than the company man, he tries to use the company for his own ends, fearing that otherwise he will be “totally emasculated by the corporation.” He avoids intimacy as a trap, preferring the “exciting, sexy atmosphere” with which the modern executive surrounds himself at work, “where adoring, mini-skirted secretaries constantly flirt with him.” In all his personal relations, the gamesman depends on the admiration or fear he inspires in others to certify his credentials as a “winner.” As he gets older, he finds it more and more difficult to command the kind of attention on which he thrives. He reaches a plateau beyond which he does not advance in his job, perhaps because the very highest positions, as Maccoby notes, still go to “those able to renounce adolescent rebelliousness and become at least to some extent believers in the organization.” The job begins to lose its savor. Having little interest in craftsmanship, the new-style executive takes no pleasure in his achievements once he begins to lose the adolescent charm on which they rest. Middle age hits him with the force of a disaster: “Once his youth, vigor, and even the thrill in winning are lost, he becomes depressed and goalless, questioning the purpose of his life. No longer energized by the team struggle and unable to dedicate himself to something he believes in beyond himself, … he finds himself starkly alone.” It is not surprising, given the prevalence of this career pattern, that popular psychology returns so often to the “midlife crisis” and to ways of combating it.
In Wilfrid Sheed’s novel Office Politics, a wife asks, “There are real issues, aren’t there, between Mr. Fine and Mr. Tyler?” Her husband answers that the issues are trivial; “the jockeying of ego is the real story.” Eugene Emerson Jennings’s study of management, which celebrates the demise of the organization man and the advent of the new “era of mobility,” insists that corporate “mobility is more than mere job performance.” What counts is “style…panache…the ability to say and do almost anything without antagonizing others.” The upwardly mobile executive, according to Jennings, knows how to handle the people around him - the “shelf-sitter” who suffers from “arrested mobility” and envies success; the “fast learner”; the “mobile superior.” The “mobility-bright executive” has learned to “read” the power relations in his office and “to see the less visible and less audible side of his superiors, chiefly their standing with their peers and superiors.” He “Can infer from a minimum of cues who are the centers of power, and he seeks to have high visibility and exposure with them. He will assiduously cultivate his standing and opportunities with them and seize every opportunity to learn from them. He will utilize his opportunities in social world to size up the men who are centers of sponsorship in the corporate world.”
Constantly comparing the “executive success game” to an athletic contest or a game of chess, Jennings treats the substance of executive life as if it were just as arbitrarily and irrelevant to success as the task of kicking a ball through a net or of moving pieces over a chessboard. He never mentions the social and economic repercussions of managerial decisions or the power that managers exercise over society as a whole. For the corporate manager on the make, power consists not of money and influence but of “momentum,” a “winning image,” a reputation as a winner . Power lies in the eye of the beholder and thus has no objective reference at all.
The manager’s view of the world, as described by Jennings, Maccoby, and by the managers themselves, is that of the narcissist, who sees the world as a mirror of himself and has no interest in external events except as they throw back a reflection of his own image. The dense interpersonal environment of modern bureaucracy, in which work assumes an abstract quality almost wholly divorced from performance, by its very nature elicits and often rewards a narcissistic response. Bureaucracy, however, is only one of a number of social influences that are bringing a narcissistic type of personality organization into greater and greater prominence. Another such influence is the mechanical reproduction of culture, the proliferation of visual and audial images in the “society of the spectacle.” We live in a swirl of images and echoes that arrest experience and play it back in slow motion. Cameras and recording machines not only transcribe experience but alter its quality, giving to much of modern life that character of an enormous echo chamber, a hall of mirrors. Life presents itself as a succession of images of electronic signals, of impressions recorded and reproduced by means of photography, motion pictures, television, and sophisticated recording devices. Modern life is thoroughly mediated by electronic images that we cannot help responding to others as if their actions - and our own - were being recorded and simultaneously transmitted to an unseen audience or stored up for close scrutiny at some later time. “Smile, you’re on candid camera!” The intrusion into everyday life of this all-seeing eye no longer takes us by surprise or catches us with our defenses down. We need no reminder to smile. A smile is permanently graven on our features, and we already known from which of several angles its photographs to best advantage.
The proliferation of recorded images undermines our sense of reality. As Susan Sontag observes in her study of photography, “Reality has come to seem more and more like what we are shown by cameras.” We distrust our perceptions until the camera verifies them. Photographic images provide us with the proof of our existence, without which we would find it difficult even to reconstruct a personal history. Bourgeois families in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, Sontag points out, posed for portraits in order to proclaim the family’s status, whereas today the family album of photographs verifies the individual’s existence: its documentary record of his development from infancy onward provides him with the only evidence of his life that he recognizes as altogether valid. Among the “many narcissistic uses” that Sontag attributes to the camera, “self-surveillance” ranks among the most important, not only because it provides the technical means of ceaseless self-scrutiny but because it renders the sense of selfhood dependent on the consumption of images of the self, at the same time calling into question the reality of the external world.
By preserving images of the self at various stages of development, the camera helps to weaken the older idea of development as moral education and to promote a more passive idea according to which development consists of passing through the stages of life at the right time and in the right order. Current fascination with the life cycle embodies an awareness that success in politics or business depends on reaching certain goals on schedule; but it also reflects the ease with which developments can be electronically recorded. This brings us to another cultural change that elicits a widespread narcissistic response and, in this case, gives it a philosophical sanction: the emergence of a therapeutic ideology that upholds a normative schedule of psychosocial development and thus gives further encouragement to anxious self-scrutiny. The idea of normative development creates the fear that any deviation from the norm has a pathological source. Doctors have made a cult of periodic checkup - an investigation carried out once again by means of cameras and other recording instruments - and have implanted in their clients the notion that health depends on eternal watchfulness and the early detection of symptoms, as verified by medical technology. The client no longer feels physically or psychologically secure until his X-rays confirm a “clean bill of health.”
Medicine and psychiatry - more generally, the therapeutic outlook and sensibility that pervade modern society - reinforce the pattern created by other cultural influences, in which the individual endlessly examines himself for signs of aging and ill health, for tell-tale symptoms of psychic stress, for blemishes and flaws that might diminish his attractiveness, or on the other hand for reassuring indications that his life is proceeding according to schedule. Modern medicine has conquered the plagues and epidemics that once made life so precarious, only to create new forms of insecurity. In the same way, bureaucracy has made life predictable and even boring while reviving, in a new form, the war of all against all. Our overorganized society, in which large-scale organizations predominate but have lost the capacity to command allegiance, in some respects more nearly approximates a condition of universal animosity than did the primitive capitalism on which Hobbes managed his state of nature. Social conditions today encourage a survival mentality, expressed in its crudest form in disaster movies or in fantasies of space travel, which allow vicarious escape from a doomed planet. People no longer dream of overcoming difficulties but merely of surviving them. In business, according to Jennings, “The struggle is to survive emotionally” -to “preserve or enhance one’s identity or ego.” The normative concept of developmental stages promotes a view of life as an obstacle course: the aim is simply to get through the course with a minimum of trouble and pain. The ability to manipulate what Gail Sheehy refers to, using a medical metaphor, as “life-support systems” now appears to represent the highest form of wisdom: the knowledge that gets us through, as she puts it, without panic. Those who master Sheehy’s “no-panic approach to aging” and to the traumas of the life cycle will be able to say, in the words of one of her subjects, “I know I can survive… I don’t panic any more.” This is hardly an exalted form of satisfaction, however. “The current ideology,” Sheehy writes, “seems a mix of personal survivalism, revivalism, and cynicism”; yet her enormously popular guide to the “predictable crises of adult life,” with its superficially optimistic hymn to growth, development, and “self-actualization,” does not challenge this ideology, merely restates it in more “humanistic” form. “Growth” has become a euphemism for survival.
The World View of the Resigned
New social forms require new forms of personality, new modes of socialization, new ways of organizing experience. The concept of narcissism provides us not with a ready-made psychological determinism but with a way of understanding the psychological impact of recent social changes - assuming that we bear in mind not only its clinical origins but the continuum between pathology and normality. It provides us, in other words, with a tolerably accurate portrait of the “liberated” personality of our time, with his charm, his pseudo-awareness of his own condition, his promiscuous pansexuality, his fascination with oral sex, his fear of the castrating mother (Mrs. Portnoy), his hypochondria, his protective shallowness, his avoidance of dependence, his inability to mourn, his dread of old age and death.
Narcissism appears realistically to represent the best way of coping with the tensions and anxieties of modern life, and the prevailing social conditions therefore tend to bring out narcissistic traits that are present, in varying degrees, in everyone. These condition have also transformed the family, which in turn shapes the underlying structure of personality. A society that dears it has no future is not likely to give much attention to the needs of the next generation, and the ever-present sense of historical discontinuity - the blight of our society - falls with particularly devastating effect on the family. The modern parent’s attempt to make children feel loved and wanted does not conceal an underlying coolness - the remoteness of those who have little to pass on the next generation and who in any case give priority to their own right to self-fulfillment. The combination of emotional detachment with attempts to convince a child of his favored position in the family is a good prescription for a narcissistic personality structure.
Through the intermediary of the family, social patterns reproduce themselves in personality. Social arrangements live on in the individual, buried in the mind below the level of consciousness, even after they have become objectively undesirable and unnecessary - as many of our present arrangements are now widely acknowledged to have become. The perception of the world as a dangerous and forbidding place, though it originates in a realistic awareness of the insecurity of contemporary social life, receives reinforcement from the narcissistic projection of aggressive impulses outward. The belief that society has no future, while it rests on a certain realism about the dangers ahead, also incorporates a narcissistic inability to identify with posterity or to feel one self part of a historical stream.
The weakening of social ties, which originates in the prevailing state of social warfare, at the same time reflects a narcissistic defense against dependence. A warlike society tends to produce men and women who are at heart antisocial. It should therefore not surprise us to find that although the narcissist conforms to social norms for fear of external retribution, he often thinks of himself as an outlaw and sees others in the same way, “as basically dishonest and unreliable, or only reliable because of external pressures.” “The value systems of narcissistic personalities are generally corruptible,” writes Kernberg, “in contrast to the rigid morality of the obsessive personality.”
The ethic of self-preservation and psychic survival is rooted, then, not merely in objective conditions of economic warfare, rising rates of crime, and social chaos but in the subjective experience of emptiness and isolation. It reflects the conviction - as much a projection of inner anxieties as a perception of the way things are - that envy and exploitation dominate even the most intimate relations. The cult of personal relations, which becomes increasingly intense as the hope of political solutions recedes, conceals a thoroughgoing disenchantment with personal relations, just as the cult of sensuality implies a repudiation of sensuality in all but its most primitive forms. The ideology of personal growth, superficially optimistic, radiates a profound despair and resignation. It is the faith of those without faith.