I'm quite happy on my estrogen patch and micronized progesterone. Both are covered by my insurance (I have a small co-pay) as well as my visit to my ob/gyn. I'm grateful I can at least get this much. I don't feel amazing, but I feel a bit better than before.
I'm also in a few FB groups and I follow a dozen or so women in the menopause space. Not a whole lot of consensus, which is frustrating. Maybe the lack of consensus is driving what I perceive to be an emerging grey market. I feel like some people are going completely rogue and it feels a little dangerous to me. There's compounded pharmacies (unregulated by the way) and new options are popping up every week it seems. No one knows where these ingredients are coming from. How do we know they're not coming from China, in the same way that fentanyl is? Or even less appalling....how do you even know you're getting the dose you think you're paying for? What's to stop these pharmacies from taking your money and then skimping on the hormone?
I'm curious about the recent explosion of telemedicine providers now offering hormone replacement injections. Injections?! Really? These are supposed to be better than pellets. And maybe they are - but at least pellets last 90 DAYS. Who wants to self- inject two to three times a week?! I mean, I realize there are limitations to the patch, and perhaps I just haven't hit that wall yet. But if I do, I'd rather ask for a stronger patch. Or two of them. Or bigger ones. I just can't picture a scenario where I'll be injecting myself every other day for the next 30 years? And yet - maybe this will be my reality and I shouldn't sound so shocked. But isn't anyone worried about what's in these things? Or how much they're taking? Some of these women in the FB groups are running around with the testosterone levels of 18 year old boys. I'm sorry, but that CAN NOT be good for you. I confess my libido could absolutely use some help, but I sure as hell don't want to have the sex drive of a frat boy.
And the prices!! I have heard about a couple specific places that seem to be popular around these places so I looked them up. These are basically med-spas. That's not really my jam, but whatever. It looks like they're licensed to do botox AND hormones and weight loss. One in Ohio and one in Florida. They don't take insurance, so everything is self-pay. And these prices are outrageous. I know a lot of women seem happy to get what they need, but isn't anyone worried that this stuff is becoming a CASH COW?! These doctors are raking it all in. While we're not talking about Narcotics, I'm having "Dopesick" flashbacks.
There's also online trans websites where you can buy things off-label to be shipped to your house without a script and you make the injections yourself. It saddens me that this is where people have to go for proper treatment. It feels dangerous. And kind of terrifying. I don't know....in the absence of any real clear direction here, I feel like we're on the cusp of some sort of huge hormone explosion and I can't tell if it's going to be great for women's health or a complete disaster.
Look, I don't want to come across as judgey. I may not be far enough into this journey where I've hit the proverbial menopause "wall" and done all I can do through a traditional doctor. I'm a little concerned though, I'm not going to lie. If we can't get enough of the RIGHT treatment legitimately, then is the grey market going to be our only hope?

Hey, everyone! I'm trying to figure out whether I should keep my current Step 2 date (in slightly less than a month) or move it forward.
Context: I'm in rotation, have a bit of time off (2 weeks), and then my test is scheduled at the beginning of my next clerkship. Over the course of my clinical year my NBME shelf percentiles ranged from 94-99th percentile with the exception of Internal Medicine (72nd). IM felt like a content issue to me. I had four years in between in between my clinical years and step 1 (I'm a dual-degree) and I felt like I had forgotten everything. For instance, I always pre-tested before a clerkship and failed the Ob/gyn one but within 2 weeks was scoring somewhere in the mid-90s percentile-wise bc I was able to cover all the info relatively easily. I just wasn't able to cover all of IM. Since it's the bulk of Step 2, this is concerning for me. My latest practice score was 255 on UWSA3 a couple of days ago, and I scored 264 on the Amboss assessment prior to that. I kinda feel like I know nothing content-wise bc I felt like I had to relearn the basics and cram every clerkship, and I feel really uncomfortable with that.
Goal is >260.

I had a pre-op endometrial biopsy last Friday (0/10, do not recommend, but totally worth it to get this damn uterus out!), and I was very surprised at how much bleeding I had afterwards. The instruments used were covered in blood, there was blood on the table, and I was given a very large pad, which I filled up on the drive home. I was expecting some spotting, but it was like a full-on period until Sunday, when it slowed down and I started passing large, brownish clots instead of the bright red blood and clots. Now, just shy of a week later, it's just brown discharge so I think things have settled down. I wondered more than once if I should have called the GYN, but I'm so used to heavy bleeding that I just rode it out. How sad is that? I also have break through bleeding pretty frequently, so I guess it's possible that it was an instance of break through bleeding, probably because of the manipulation of the cervix? Anyway, did anyone else have this much bleeding after their biopsy, or am I just blessed?

A lot of write posts about peoples experience with their Bi-Salp helped me prepare for mine so I thought I would post about my personal experience!!
So about three years ago, I got my copper IUD placed. I didn’t want to try any hormonal birth control because I tend to be hormone imbalanced, considering I got my period when I was nine years old and I already had ovarian cyst when I was 12 I didn’t want to add to the mix. For the first two years of me having it because my wedding ended up getting postponed due to Covid January 2023, I got married started my first year with the copper IUD being actually sexually active. I always loved my IUD because of the presence of no side effects. Other than the fact that my periods were terrible my periods would fluctuate from being seven days to eight days to 14 days to 20 days long. Throughout the month, I would always spot and have random cramping and then on the day cycle or the day leading up, I was already spotting a lot.. I would take 800 mg of ibuprofen every four hours for the entirety of my period because I could not Barrett all of this medication definitely affected my gut health. Towards the fall of last year, I felt like my cycles were getting a little lighter. Finally I thought I’m about to be three years with this may be it will be regulating a little more soon even with the copper had an extreme paranoia of anxiety, but I didn’t realize how extreme my anxiety is now that this risk of getting pregnant I felt was so prevalent, even though I had a obsess over people and I didn’t use any other form of birth control like condoms because I didn’t really like how it felt. I was always paranoid sitting on the toilet for hours waiting for everything to come out not doing anything for two weeks out of the month I include my period and then my ovulation week because that would also make me more paranoid. The last few months of a light cycle I got the worst cycles I had ever gotten they lasted about three weeks with giant clotting and in general I would always be having to wear. Diapers. I would wear a diaper with a pad on the inside of it and I would go through that every hour and a half so my blood loss was intense after my cycle I would get super lightheaded and the worst part is that I have always been chronically anemic my whole life I’m also vegetarian. I don’t eat meat.. It was a perfect storm. The anemia was being affected by the IUD blood loss and then I was diagnosed with heavy menstrual hemorrhaging. so in January, I decided to go to the doctor and see if there was any other options. Still, I knew that birth-control with hormones was not some thing I wanted. I was referred to a minimally, invasive, OB/GYN surgeon, and I asked about getting a Bi-Salp. he spoke to me about the whole process, and I was very excited that day we decided to take my IUD out, which thankfully was not as painful as the torturous insertion. His plan was let’s see how my natural cycle after. Take the IUD out if my bleeding regulates and I’m not losing as much blood. Would be a good option, but then it will be evident that the IUD is not the cause and that it’s a further issue and then they were considering doing a hysterectomy so that I would no longer get a cycle and I wouldn’t have to worry about my anemia by taking the IUD out sure enough my cycles got better two months and my cycles went from a two week. 22 Would be a good option, but then it will be evident that the IUD is not the cause and that it’s a further issue and then they were considering doing a hysterectomy so that I would no longer get a cycle and I wouldn’t have to worry about my anemia, but by taking the IUD out sure enough my cycles got better two months and my cycles went from a two week period to a 2 to 3 day. to 3 day period. Not even days after removing my copper IUD I felt so much relief. I felt a fullness disappear that I didn’t even realize was there in the first place and a lot of other things changed to my skin got clear and overall I felt less anxious. I believe that the copper in the IUD had been causing me some sort of copper toxicity. so after two months, I called the doctor and told him that my period had gotten better so I went back and we schedule the Bi-Salp. So I went two months without any birth control and stayed away from my husband. Lol, thankfully at the end of the two months I was able to get my surgery and a week before my surgery. I went to a regular visit with my OB and they did an ultrasound and they saw that they’re good possibly be a polyp on my uterus so when they went in to do my procedure, they also did a Oppie with to see if there was any polyps and remove the polyps that were there. They also found some cysts that they removed and I also had some endometriosis growing on my left tube and ovary thankfully they were able to remove! For the surgery and leading up to it, I stayed away away from any foods that would make me gassy and anything that would constipate me. I was drinking MiraLAX in my tea every night for the week leading up to the surgery.
Surgery day of: On the morning of the surgery, I was advised to not take my Vyvanse, which I use for anxiety and ADHD. So I skipped it and just drink water since I have been fasting since 10 PM the night before. When I arrive to the hospital, I was able to go to the bathroom thankfully and then started getting prepped for surgery. They obviously had me do a urine test and then got me set up with my IV where they would insure all of my meds this was very painful, but I sat and waited before I was feeling loopy. They gave me the anti-stress and anxiety medication before they administered the anesthesia and suddenly I was knocked out. All I remember is walking into the surgery room and thinking wow this is like Grey’s Anatomy and then knocking out next thing, I remember I wake up in the room and I am very groggy and out of it. Thankfully, the anesthesia did not cause nausea. The hardest part during this transition was getting me to pee because I kept wanting to fall asleep so badly but they kept telling me if I didn’t pee then I wouldn’t be able to go home to finally sleep so I was bloated and swollen And I finally peed the second time. After that, I was discharged and my family did a great job at trying to keep me awake while we drove home because I was asleep in the car that could get nauseous and throw up, which would hurt my belly from making those kind of movements. Thankfully, I got home and I knocked out on the couch. I woke up dazed and confused but feeling a lot better and refreshed. I felt good for about an hour and then the pain started, but not any sort of abdominal pain from the surgery itself. It was just the Thankfully, I got home and I knocked out on the couch. I woke up dazed and confused but feeling a lot better and refreshed. I felt good for about an hour and then the pain started, but not any sort of abdominal pain from the surgery itself. It was just the pain from the gas pain from the laparoscopic surgery. This pain was definitely intense and it progressed my worst day was the day after the surgery. But that same night after the surgery was difficult because I could not find any position where I was comfortable. I was taking Gas-X every two hours charcoal pills every two hours and ibuprofen and Tylenol alternated every four hours. They gave me OXY if I wanted to take it, but I never did because I didn’t wanna get constipated and I really didn’t feel any pain that the oxy could resolve pain medication does not resolve gas pain. First night I slept propped up with a lot of pillows around me holding my belly holding me from every position where I could put more weight to add pain to my body well, I didn’t really sleep that night, but I tried to sleep, but I rested upright on the couch and I was up maybe every hour going to pee and walking around because the best advice I could give is just walk as much as it hurts. Everything hurts with these gas pain so I feel better to be walking around in pain than to be sitting down, knowing that I’m not actually resolving any of the gases that is the only way the gases will escape your body. That was exhausting because I could not sleep as much as I wanted to. the day was extremely painful trapped in my ribs. It felt like someone had a split my ribs but again I had no tenderness or soreness in my abdomen no cramping anything like that. I complain the most and the most uncomfortable part of everything was just being very very bloated and not being able to suck in my stomach. I’m naturally a very thin person so having my stomach was frustrating because none of my clothes fit me comfortably. The bloating started from the top of my rib cage all the way down. But I kept up with charcoal pills and Gas-X, and I’m thinking the charcoal definitely help because I would notice a difference after taking that even more so than the Gas-X. I finally was able to go to the bathroom after the surgery and thankfully it was a smooth transition to going into the bathroom. I’m sure the MiraLAX helped because of that and I had hardly been eating because my stomach was so swollen and were so severe that even one bite of food in my stomach would make everything swell up even more and it it would hurt me. So those first few days I kept it very light. The second night after the surgery was another miserable night. I almost cried that night because I thought I was gonna lose my mind. I hadn’t slept or napped all day because the pain would prevent me from being able to rest in a comfortable position and then all night again, I did not sleep, those were the hardest 2 nights. The following day I saw a tiny bit of progress with the gas pain. But eventually, I think I got used to it by Saturday surgery having been Monday. I felt significantly better still very swollen but better. Sunday I left the house for the first time got ready put normal clothes on. The loosest clothes that I had. And that was nice to finally leave the house and try to do something normal, came back and was definitely exhausted and rested for the rest of the day by this point I was no longer taking any pain medication. Just the charcoal pills. By Monday I was feeling significantly better. I had gotten my cycle over the weekend and it was not a very painful cycle. Just a little bit of mild cramping and bleeding but nothing crazy on Wednesday. I had my follow up appointment a week and a half after surgery and I was cleared for all activity and just told to be careful with how heavy things are when I lift them to stay away from anything more than 30 pounds. I had sex for the first time in three months because of the fact that I had no birth control before my surgery for those two months when they had taken my IUD out. It was a little bit painful because my body had gotten used to sex and no penetration at all. Very quickly my bodygot used to it again. And I enjoyed it so much. I was scared to have an orgasm because I had heard online that some people complained of cramping after the orgasm, but I had no cramping at all only enjoyment. The fact that I was able to do everything I wanted without any anxiety that I would get pregnant without having to do anything to prevent that was liberating and it literally has improved my sex life incredibly and just the short amount of time today I am 2 1/2 weeks postop. And I feel great. My incisions are healing really well and I’m about to start using scar tape for the scars. I have barely any gases. My stomach is as flat as it normally is, and I’ve been feeling wonderful. The only thing I noticed after my surgery was a little bit of breaking out right after the surgery, but they said that that was normal since a lot of the drugs and medicine they put into your system for surgery is basically detoxing after you come out of surgery so it comes out of your body in different ways. I do not regret this surgery. It has completely changed my mindset towards life. I feel free finally. I’m sure my age has a lot to do with my recovery time and overall I’m a very sickly person for my age so I was expecting for this recovery to take me weeks to months, but I am feeling wonderful. I’m about to be the maid of honor for a wedding this Friday and I feel no restraint and dancing or anything of this sort. I’m grateful I didn’t get any soreness or pain in my abdomen after the surgery and that all I had to deal with was the severe gas pain. I know that is not everyone’s experience, but that was mine and I’m very happy with it. Just wanted to share some details on how everything went and hopefully this can be helpful to someone. Thankfully, my insurance covered most of the procedure and all I had to pay was $1,500. I have never been happier with a decision in my life.

Feeling numb.
I am 15 months postpartum. My cycles have been irregular which I attribute to me still breastfeeding, so I didn't think much when my period was late--even later than usual. As weeks went by I started wondering what if, but I still didn't test. It was so hard for me to get pregnant and I needed ART, so I figured it would take a miracle for me to ever get pregnant again.
Then I was sitting in the car, waiting for the Mother's Day takeout we had ordered which took an hour because the restaurant was so busy, when I realized I was bleeding.
No worries, I had a menstrual cup with me, so I jumped up to go to a bathroom, only to see I had soaked through my pants and on the car seat and I needed to rush home to change immediately. At this point I wasn't worried, just upset about the inconvenience.
When I got home and started changing in the bathroom, I cried out because I got blood on the bath rug. I was embarrassed; at my age I should be able to handle a period. My husband popped in and told me not to worry; he said he would put my clothes and the rug in the laundry, and also he would help wipe up the drips on the floor. "What?" I said - I didn't realize I had made that much of a mess.
As soon as I sat on the toilet, my menstrual cup fell out. I was mad at myself for not putting it in right. I got myself cleaned up and went about my day - but not 30 minutes went by and I felt something was wrong.
Went to the bathroom to check and again my menstrual cup fell straight out and I needed another change of underwear. I wondered if maybe I needed to get a different size menstrual cup since giving birth? But no, that didn't make sense. I had had several periods since, and this was the first time I had any issues.
I cleaned my menstrual cup and put it back in and I put a pad on to cover leaks. I soaked through that pad in 30 minutes. At this point, I realized something was wrong. My periods had always been on the light side; I've never experienced anything like this.
I left a message on my OB/GYN office's after hours line. I kept bleeding while I waited two hours for the doctor to call me back. I was advised to go to urgent care if I kept bleeding that much, or to get seen in the office tomorrow if the bleeding improved. The doctor said I definitely need to be seen, but it can wait if the bleeding is getting better. The bleeding did slow down - still heavy for me but not as heavy as I was bleeding for the first several hours - so I decided to wait.
I took a pregnancy test just now and confirmed I'm having a miscarriage. So many thoughts going through my head now, but all I can do is wait until I can see a doctor tomorrow and get more information.

34F, 165lbs, 5’8
Epilepsy/cavernoma, IBS, PTSD
Regular meds: lamictal for epilepsy and sertraline for mood
Meds since surgery (5/2): took a couple oxycodones the first couple days, none since probably Sunday. Have had 1 mg Ativan as needed since 2 days prior to surgery. Currently also on iron pills and B complex due to post surgery anemia
I’m 9 days post total hysterectomy, done laparoscopically. Day 5 after surgery, I started breaking out in a rash all over my abdomen.
Tuesday: Rash started. Went to gyn, she prescribed steroid cream and antihistamines.
Thursday: rash worstened/spread to arm and face, gyn called in methylprednisone.
Friday: rash was still spreading despite starting methylpred the day prior, so my (amazing) gyn got me in with a dermatologist, and she said I probably have contact dermatitis with ID and put me on a prednisone taper.
Today: woke up with my eyes swollen because the rash is now around my eyes, left arm, and abdomen. Started 80 mg prednisone this morning.
Tonight I’m still itchy, my face looks maybe a little better but eyes are still itchy, my arm is still popping up with more little hives (and extremely itchy), and my abdomen is still covered in the rash but it is less itchy than it was.
I’m wondering why such a high dose of prednisone hasn’t stopped this rash from spreading/stopped the itching? I know I just switched from the methylpred to the pred this morning (about 15 hours ago), but I thought prednisone worked pretty quickly, and I haven’t noticed much of a difference.
I’ve read about the DRESS rash, and I’m worried about that. Could that be what this is? Or is it probably just contact dermatitis and meds need more time to work through my system?
Can post photos of progression of rash if needed.
Thank you.

I am not okay. I am supremely not okay. I’m going to tell my story to the void, hoping that it will help. This is going to be very long, and I apologize. I’m looking for…I don’t know. Advice to cope? Validation or words of affirmation? Just knowing I’m not alone?
Trigger warnings for pregnancy loss and infertility. Are trigger warnings a thing on here?
A few years ago, I was having some issues wrapping my mind around something in my marriage (it’s all good now, we worked through it/ It was not an issue of right or wrong, just a situation I wasn’t familiar with), and I came to Reddit for advice. Some people had good advice, but one person linked me to a podcast saying “they have something for you to hear.” Thinking it was more advice on the subject, I listened. It was a podcast that had found my content and used it for their show. They tore me a new one. If the hosts had known me from birth they couldn’t have blasted out every insecurity I ever had better than they did. I wanted to die after hearing that. I deleted everything I every wrote on reddit, and that account. I made a new one and I’ve been very careful with what I post, like, comment on since then. All this to say: I can take criticism, but please be kind. And please do NOT use my pain for your podcast/tiktok/whatever. Thank you.
Ever since I was little, I wanted to be a mother, more than anything. I wanted a family of my own. It shaped everything I did. When you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up it was always “(something) and a mommy.” I babysat as a young (and mid, and older) teen so that I could get more experience with children for when I had a family. I was a camp counselor for the same reason. I enrolled in a college with a great teaching program so that I could be around kids, but be home for after school times and the summer, for (you guessed it) when I had children of my own. After working as a camp counselor from a CIT to a junior counselor, to a senior counselor, I became so good at handling all the children that the other groups in our unit would often combine on very hot days and I would watch everyone. I entertained about 60 children with stories and sing alongs, while the other counselors took very needed breaks (I offered - and they were around for backup. I was not being taken advantage of). I did start to get burned out, and after my first semester at college I became worried that I’d get burned out from teaching and not want my own children - so I switched majors.
Everything decision I made in my life was to further my dream of having my own children. Maybe it’s because I was adopted. Maybe it’s because I didn’t love how I was raised and wanted to do better. Maybe I’m just wired that way.
This is not to say that I was baby-crazy. I had a good head on my shoulders. I always used protection with boyfriends and was very careful with my birth control. I wanted children, but not before I was ready and could provide for them.During my first (way too young, should have stayed friends but didn’t, and short lived) marriage, we looked into having children, but in a few years’ time. I spoke to a doctor about it, only to find out I had PCOS and it would probably be difficult. We ended up divorcing fairly early on for other reasons.
I met my second husband years later. My dreams quickly became his dreams. We started trying. Nothing happened. We ended up getting married about a year earlier than we had planned to so that I could be on his insurance, because mine didn’t cover fertility treatments. We found a fertility doctor and I spent a full year getting physically ready to go through treatments. I was a bit overweight and worked with doctors. I got my diabetes in check. I quit smoking. I worked hard to get every hormone level right in the middle of “perfect”. Finally, the doctor was satisfied with everything (he really was quite the perfectionist) and I started getting shots. They made me insane, but it was worth it. And knowing that it was the hormones shots that made me so overly emotional, I was able to contain the crazy for the most part (I literally cried one day because we were out of tissues. Another time I cried because I was watching The Little Mermaid and remembered that Ariel gets legs at the end and who wouldn’t want to be a mermaid?!?). Anyway, we conceived pretty early on.
The happiest day of my life was when I saw the positive test. All of my dreams, all of my hopes, all of my hard work….it was finally coming true! My husband was ecstatic! I didn’t even mind the morning sickness (which wasn’t that bad. Just constant nausea). Or the new sensitivity I had to smells. I found every change fascinating. I prayed every night, thanking god for blessing us with this child, and only ever asking for “healthy, happy and whole.” Those three words became my mantra. I fell asleep every night with my hand over where my uterus was, trying to project those words into my growing child.
I wouldn’t be here if this had a happy ending.
I wasn’t pregnant for very long. There was one day that I was…well, there’s no polite way to put this. Extremely horny. I was ready to jump anything. I took care of the issue myself, and got off. I hadn’t for weeks, being afraid that I would somehow screw things up. I wanted to wait until that embryo was FIRMLY embedded and not going anywhere. A few minutes after I finished, I had a little bit of cramping. There was a little bit of blood. I immediately called the 24hr line for the doctor, and was told by whoever answered that this was normal. That I didn’t do anything wrong, and that it would all be fine. I knew in my heart they were wrong, but tried to ignore that. It went away after about an hour. I continued with my prayers. I continued with my life. I had already made all of the changes to my diet that were necessary. I did everything “right”.
I had been going for weekly blood tests, since like I said, the fertility doctor was a perfectionist and wanted to monitor things closely. I got the results in the online portal at the same time the doctor did. I came to know and understand what they meant before the doctor would call with an explanation. The blood test after this incident showed that my levels were dropping. It wasn’t dangerous yet, but it could be.
The next week, before my weekly test, I went to a friend’s house who was having a garage sale soon. She was offering things to her friends first. She made kind of a party of everything. I was about 2 months pregnant. I went to the bathroom and saw blood. I came out and my husband knew something was wrong. A look on my face, I guess. I told him I was bleeding, like a lot, and we called the emergency line again. I was in tears. The woman who answered wouldn’t listen to me. She thought I was just being nervous. She listened to my husband, though. My friends had me lay down with my feet elevated. We were told to go to the ER. They did an ultrasound. That poor technician - I begged her with tears in my eyes to tell me something. Anything. I knew she wasn’t allowed to but I didn’t care at that moment. She bent enough to tell me that she did see something was still there, but she couldn’t see more than that; the on-call doctor would have to look at it. The doctor came in and told me that there was no heartbeat. My hormone levels showed that the fetus was no longer viable. I was miscarrying.
I still remember that look of pure pity. Tears were running down my face and I just wanted her to leave so I could give in to them. Finally she left and my husband climbed onto the bed with me and we cried together.
That was in March. They had contacted my fertility specialist who said he wanted me to try and continue to carry for two weeks to see if they could then look at the cells to see what went wrong. I carried (what I considered) my dead child for two weeks before my D&C. After my D&C they put me in a room with a new mother and her crying child. In April, I had a follow up with my ob-gyn and my fertility specialist. I found out that nothing had gone wrong genetically. I was asked if I wanted to know the sex, because they were able to tell me. NO. Yes. No…..yes. Girl. We had a name picked out for her.
Mother’s day came in May, of course. It was….I was not okay. Losing my daughter wasn’t just the loss of a pregnancy, it was the loss of all of my hopes and dreams come true. We tried a few more times but could never conceive after that. We looked into adoption, but I was told flat out that no one would give me a child because I was polyamorous. We eventually gave up.
Yes, I went to therapy. It helped, some. But I found that around mid March, to around a week after Mother’s Day, I’d start to get very depressed. It would get worse up until MD, and then I’d start to be okay again. Every year. We tried cutting ourselves off from any mention of the holiday. That of course didn’t work. We tried leaning into it, at the suggestion of my therapist. We acknowledged her. I made us morse code bracelets with her name and “forever in our hearts”. I planned a tattoo, but never had the money to get it. I still plan on it, one day.
The worst part? It’s also the best part. Every year at MD, I can’t seem to get out of bed. I just lay there and stare. Or get rip-roaring drunk. It’s a terrible coping mechanism, I know. But I plan my yearly breakdown. I know it’s going to happen, so that one day a year I give in, but do it in the most healthy way I can. I make sure not to be alone. My husband (or this year, my partner) makes sure I eat and drink plenty of water. But I see her. Not really. I don’t actually see her, I don’t actually hear her. I have a very good imagination, and intrusive thoughts. That’s all this is. I know it’s not real and I am not delusional. But I imagine her, as she would be if she had been born. I can’t seem to help it. I’m not sure I want to, to be completely honest. It’s not healthy, but I can’t seem to stop. (I’m going to use the words “see” and “hear”, but please know that I mean “imagine”.) I see her down the hall, or peeking around the corner. I hear her asking “mommy, why are you crying? Mommy why won’t you get up and play with me?” She has frizzy hair. Glasses. My husband’s eczema. My eyes. My build. His nose. I am haunted by my daughter who was never born. I want it to stop, but I never want it to stop.
This year, it started early. I’m going through a TON of stress right now in several areas of my life. This started about a week ago. Again, I know it’s not real. I know it’s just my depression mixed with my very good imagination. I don’t actually see things. I don’t actually hear things. I kind of wish I did, just as much as I wish I had died 8 years ago.
I am not okay.

I am unfortunately going thru an ectopic pregnancy and I do not have health insurance. Posting via throwaway bc of all the personal info.
Some relevant background info: Finding an OB GYN who will see me without insurance is impossible. I have been going to the ER and none of them have an OBGYN, so they will do the bloodwork tests I need and send them to an offsite OBGYN for analysis. My first visit they gave me methotrexate, and my second they tested my HCG levels to see if they’re going down. My third visit is tomorrow and if it is not down by 15% since my last visit, I will require either more methotrexate or surgery.
As you can imagine, this is all very expensive. I read online that pregnant women in Ohio qualify for Medicaid. I am thinking about applying but if I have surgery to remove the pregnancy tomorrow that is not enough to time to set up Medicaid and cover some parts of these bills.
I am terrified about what this will do to me financially. Is there anything else anyone is aware of that can help me? My YTD income so far is $16,329 before taxes. I am self employed and have not been able to work since this discovery. I will be out of work for however long this takes to resolve. I am trying to find out what I can do but it feels like there is nothing… I even looked at United Healthcare to see what plans would help my situation but I don’t believe it can be retroactively applied. All in all I’m very lost and doing all this research on my own while I am tremendously ill and on bed rest is very difficult and I feel like I am getting nowhere. Wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Please let me know what resources are at my disposal (if any).
Thank you 🙏🏼

A little background I'm 33, diagnosed endo in 2019 from a lap. They never told me a level my endometriosis was and were initially like many of us go through kind of dismissive. Especially cause I'm going to a regular ob/gyn not a specialist or anything.
I'm child free and decided finally last year I was gonna get my tubes tied/removed because I was on BC for 17 years and I know I was gonna have to have surgery again and again. Because that's just how endometriosis is for us. I didn't wanna make my husband have a vasectomy cause he didn't seem super into it. I found out you can have an ablation while they do that and it's possible that you won't have periods ever again or atleast for like 10 years. So I was in. I had the surgery June of last year after putting alot of thought into it and it seemed like I couldn't lose. The surgery went fine and recovery went well. I went off the nuva ring which I had been on most of my life at that point. And things are so much better for me being off BC. Clear headed, less anxiety and depression, less mood swings ect.
But then I kept having "cycles" every month even tho I wasn't bleeding, which was annoying but not bad because I wasn't in pain and minimal cramping. But then like 3 months post surgery they started getting really bad. To where I was having to take the left over pills from my surgery to dull the pain because for atleast one day I couldn't do anything especially work. And I work two jobs. So it's very frustrating to me that it's gotten to that point, thankfully I am a cosmetologist for my main job and if I explain to people they understand and are very accommodating.
Then the last 6 to 8 months have been horrible. With my cycle pain getting worse and worse. It got a point where I called my drs office and told them I needed pain pills or birth control. Early this year I tried a BC and I can't even remember the name of it but it was horrible. I was only on it for 21 days and it's like it inflamed me and everything in my body and put me in worse pain than I had ever been in. So bad the one night I almost went to the ER. Which let's be realistic what the hell are they gonna even do for me there? So I quit that one because it was a horror show and called my Dr and we scheduled a visit. One where she literally stabbed my uterus with this plastic stick thing that was like a foot long to see if there was any blood stuck up there from my cycles and my surgery the prior year. Spoiler, there wasn't and that was just an unbearable pain I could barley keep my legs in the stirrups. Paps usually put me in pain for the whole day anyways. And we scheduled an internal ultrasound for the next week. Now I'm nosy and my Dr has a history of not telling me everything so I went and looked at my results on the patient portal for the hospital net work I go through. I had an endometrial cyst (I think a chocolate cyst, as they call them) some type of polyps and free fluid. And she only told me about half of that. And determined all of my pain was from my endometriosis (DUH).
I stopped the other BC because it was horrible and I had a trip coming up I wanted to be able to be present though. In the mean time I was paying attention to my cycles and I literally had 4 from Feb 16th til now. I get about 2.5 to 3 weeks in between and have double what is "normal". I guess I shouldn't be suprised. I just started another BC this week ashlyna. And I haven't noticed anything too much yet besides the fact that I cannot freaking go to sleep. So who knows how long I will be on this. I have another trip here in a few weeks and I don't want to be on my period in pain and not able to enjoy it, but it's like I can't win with this disease. And honestly I'm mad at myself, I'm mad that I went through with this surgery with rose colored glasses thinking it was going to finally be something that helped. And it's made it worse. Like it's nice that I don't really have pain in between my cycles but they are 10x worse and debilitating now. And it's like we can't win with endometriosis. I just really wanted to rant and to my fellow people who understand 💛💛💛💛

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First: https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/14vo5lb/troublemakers_deaths_pity/
*previous:* https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1clhj0i/troublemakers_the_comfort_of_shared_pain/
......
The smell of instant coffee permeated the cab of the Hovercraft in the early morning light. Destrier's hand curled on the throttle as he picked up some speed, the hovering vehicle gliding over the rough dirt and gravel roads outside Golgotha as though it were smooth pavement. Cassius and Remin leaned against each other, dead asleep in the back seats. The early morning sun drew long shadows across the prairie as Caz gazed out into the wilderness from the front passenger seat. Tipping her mask up, she pulled from a thermos of strong black coffee. Drake had sent the four of them out ahead, saying he'd catch up shortly after they got out of Golgotha. Caz couldn't stop puzzling over how he'd do it. When she asked, he'd held up a bundle of leather straps and a threaded awl as if it had explained everything. Looking away from the window, she put the cap back on the thermos and sat back in the padded bucket seat of the hovercraft.
Something landed hard on top of the Hovercraft, making it shake and rattle as a dark shadow flitted over the windshield. Caz grabbed her Huntress assuming the worst as she saw a flash of purple. Destrier cursed, swerving slightly as the hovercraft was shoved down on one side, a massive purple shape leaping out ahead and just to the right of the hovercraft's original path.
Caz watched in stunned silence as Barney touched down in the soft, sandy dirt on the side of the road. Powerful, clawed hind legs digging into the soft soil as he ran alongside the road, a look of pure, primal ecstasy in those yellowish-gold eyes of his as he easily kept up with the hovercraft. That was impressive in its own right. What made it incredible was the custom-stitched leather halter and reins that were strapped around his head, the long leather reins leading back to the man on Barney's back, A tattered black cloak billowing out behind him.
Drake held onto Barney's reins with one hand, a leather pad with stirrups firmly affixed to the raptor's back with a girth strap. He sat a few inches off the saddle, leaning forward with his legs acting like shocks, his sword hand held off to the side and near the handle of his sword which had been strapped flat across the back of the saddle. There was a look Caz had never seen on the warrior's face before, a pure, unbridled joy. His eyes sparkled in the early morning light, mouth partway open in an expression of utter exhilaration. Caz watched as Drake shouted something, rubbing Barney's neck as he leaned farther forward. The raptor let out a bellowing screech and lowered its head toward the ground, pulling ahead of the hovercraft with ease and onto the gravel road ahead of them. Barney's long heavy tail flicked to the opposite side of the clawed foot that was being lifted with each galloping step, maintaining balance as he and Drake pulled farther and farther ahead of the hovercraft. Caz looked to Destrier who was looking between the duo ahead and the speedometer set into the dash.
"How fast are we going?"
Caz asked curiously as she watched Barney snap up some pour six-legged prairie creature as it ran across the road in front of him without slowing down. Destrier glanced over at Caz and then back at the speedometer.
"If this is correct... Little over a hundred and five kilometers an hour... Barney's fast..."
Caz looked at the duo up ahead who'd slowed to keep pace with the hovercraft roughly twenty meters ahead. She shook her head in plain disbelief despite the proof in front of her.
"That's not natural right?"
"Oh fuck no... and he's not even struggling, looks like he's having the time of his life to me!"
Destrier's eyes were wide with both disbelief and wonder, shaking his head slowly as he spoke, focusing on Drake and Barney as they veered off the road. Destrier cursed and took the hovercraft off the road, the vehicle rising and falling in a stomach-churning way as it slipped over the ditch to follow Drake and Barney toward some ruins out in the middle of the prairie. Something sparkled in the ruins ahead and suddenly Drake was yanked off of Barney's back by an unseen force, landing hard in the dirt and tumble-rolling to a stop as Destrier exclaimed.
"SHIT!"
Destrier slammed the throttle to zero before slamming the emergency shut-off button, sending the hovercraft thudding to the ground and skidding through the dirt as he pulled straight back on the steering yoke. Remin and Cassius were launched into the back of the front seats with exclamations of surprise as the hovercraft slowly slid to a stop, a few paces from where Drake was sitting up in the dirt, caked in dust and clutching his helmet. Caz did a double take as she leaped from the passenger seat, certain he wasn't wearing his helmet when he'd been struck by whatever had ripped him off Barney's back. She looked up to see if Barney had run off but the Purple Dinosaur was already circling back around at top speed. Caz crouched down by the stunned Drake, quickly checking him over for damage and spotting the large caliber tungsten penetrator wedged into the collar of his breastplate. Drake gently pushed her hands from his armor, getting to his feet with a grunt as Barney trotted up.
Drake was silent as he gently grabbed the halter by the reigns, putting a hand to the gnarly gash that ran down the side of Barney's face, splitting several of the thin leather straps that made up his halter. The raptor seemed oblivious to the wound as he nuzzled his large head into Drake's chest. Caz stood a respectful distance away as Drake touched the forehead of his helmet to Barney's forehead, Shoulders shivering as he finally let go of the raptor's halter. Turning to face the ruins Caz saw his eyes through the slits in his helmet, that bright sheen of exhilaration replaced with a cold, pale, flickering light as he held out a hand.
Caz jumped a little bit when Drake's sword ripped itself free from its scabbard, handle smacking into Drake's palm as he began to silently march towards the ruins. Caz had to jog to keep up with his rapid, long strides calling out.
"Did you see the sniper?! What if they try for another-"
Drake suddenly flicked his sword out to the side, Magnesium bright sparks splashing from it and filling the air as he growled.
"Remote turrets, Fucke-"
He was suddenly thrown onto his back with a loud wheeze as the air was knocked out of his lungs by another heavy tungsten penetrator that had lodged itself in his chest piece. Caz ducked and cursed as something made a deafening crack inches from her head, Drake scrambling to his feet. Tossing his word into the air, He gripped it behind the crossguard like a throwing spear and whipped it at the ruins. A cloud of dust puffed into the air as a mostly intact building collapsed screaming.
"TRY SHOOTING AT MY FUCKIN FRIENDS WHEN YOU CANT SEE SHIT ASSHOLE!"
Drake's shoulders heaved as he labouredly breathed, a palpable rage coming off of him as he held out his hand. A section of the perimeter wall exploded outwards as a silver streak shot toward Drake's hand, His sword smacking into his palm with an audible slap as he continued marching toward the ruins. Caz unshouldered her rifle with a curse, jogging after as the others ran to catch up, Barney joining Drake's side, feathers puffing up as he let out a low hiss, bringing his head so low to the ground that it was only inches from the dirt, his hot breath stirring up small dust clouds. as they all encroached on the ruined village. Caz scanned the ruins as they got closer, trying to peer through them with her new eyes, But everything was obscured by a deep purple static.
Returning her vision to standard, Caz looked around their surroundings, noting the desiccated and destroyed crops and demolished farm equipment. Grox skeletons lay tangled in their plow rigs like they'd been thrown by a great force. Clambering over the rubble of a destroyed section of the perimeter wall. Reaching the top, she saw Drake standing motionless in the middle of what must've been the town's main road. Slowly joining his side, she followed his gaze to a tall, gnarled tree, rotting human corpses strung up with nooses around the bloated corpse of an ornately dressed Geknosian. Wooden signs had been nailed to their chests, the text legible to her new eyes.
"Actions have consequences..."
Drake and Caz stated in unison, the warrior slowly removing his helmet. His eyes had the sparkle of crushed glass as he gently touched the scar that ran across his face. Caz looked at him, then the ruins around them as Barney snuffled around cautiously, before softly asking.
"What happened here, Drake?"
His sharp emerald eyes glided over the ruins, a heavy regret behind them as he almost whispered.
"I won the impossible challenge... I happened..."
The shame in his words spoke volumes as Caz tried to find the words to respond when a keening noise caught her ear. Her head snapped up, Drake having gone as stiff as a corpse, eyes filled with a broken kind of hope. The noise came again, louder this time, a child's wail of grief. Caz got a horrible gut feeling. She watched in near slow motion as Drake threw his helmet aside, sprinting towards the cry.
"Drake, wait!"
But whether he'd heard her or not, she hadn't a clue.
"Fucking idiot..."
She cursed and sprinted after him, barely managing to keep up, an incredulous shout from Destrier chasing them both. The keening cry got louder as they sprinted deeper into the city, locating the source of the noise, a small child with a golden slave collar bawled into her hands in front of an intact church. Drake tossed his sword to the side, a panicked, regretful look on his face as he rushed towards the child. The child looked up at the scarred man bearing down on her and shrieked, bolting through the ajar door of the church as Drake shouted.
"Wait! I'm not gonna hurt you! come back!"
He slammed through the doorway and disappeared inside the church. Caz followed, the bad feeling in her gut intensifying as she realized the stained glass windows depicted a massive Geknosian woman in gold armor upon a throne of chained figures. Caz stopped in the doorway, her fears confirmed.
The small woman stood in front of a petrified Drake, frozen with his hand extended like he was offering to help someone to their feet. His eyes were dull and lifeless, a chain of purple energy wrapped around his body affixed to his wrists and ankles by glowing golden shackles and manacles. The small woman, who'd easily passed for a child in dirty beggar's rags looked to Caz with a blank-eyed smile, donning a porcelain mask not dissimilar from Caz's own that they pulled from beneath their rags before tearing them away to reveal an armored bodysuit of deepest purple. A cold, cruel laugh came from the diminutive figure as Caz raised her Huntress.
"Uh, Uh, Uhhhhh!~ You wouldn't want to pull the trigger on a defenseless little girl, would you Caz?~"
Caz slid her crosshairs onto the diminutive woman's waggling finger and pulled the trigger, the Huntress barking as a tungsten penetrator ripped the woman's finger off. The woman fell to her knees screaming, clutching the bleeding ragged stump of her finger, looking away from it to hurl abuse but never getting the chance as Caz slammed the butt of her huntress into the small woman's head. The woman whimpered and crawled backward toward the altar as Caz growled.
"You are no child, and I am not as lenient as him."
Caz had barely set her finger on the trigger stud when the small woman grabbed something from behind the altar. A white and gold metal glaive expanded from the smaller woman's hand and smacked the barrel of Caz's huntress away from her face as the weapon discharged, punching a hole straight through a visage of Conquest.
...
Drake looked around at his lavish surroundings, something had gone terribly wrong. He touched his face, looking around as he smoothed his hair back nervously, a habit he'd thought long broken. He froze, his arm was scrawny and thin, with pale skin devoid of scars. Drake heard a cough from behind him and slowly turned around, looking up at a massive female Geknosian with golden armor. The deity sat atop a throne made from the twisted, chained bodies of slaves as she leaned on a Warhammer, eyes filled with hunger as she slowly stood to her full twenty-foot height.
"Feeling weak, little reaper? wondering where all that wonderful power you had went? Well, you won't be able to use that here, not in my domain."
Drake slowly recognized the armored Geknosian, a deep fear pulsing through his body as she took a thunderous step forward.
"Conquest..."
He whispered and the goddess laughed caustically.
"In the flesh... Boy."
He didn't even see her move, the golden warhammer crashing into his right side, deforming the many plates of his lorica as he felt bones snap and sinew tear. He gagged up blood as the wind was knocked out of him upon a flat impact with the thick stone walls.
"And you're in my house now, Death's angel~"
Conquest took a slow rumbling step toward Drake's prone figure, the low rumbling laugh shaking his being to the core as he forced himself to rise to his feet. His right arm hung limply at his side, looking as though it had a few new joints. Drake looked up at the evil Goddess and gritted his teeth, The moment she disappeared from his view, he leaped forward, the ground exploding behind him from the impact of the golden hammer's head. A large chunk of stone floor slammed into his gut and he hurdled across the room, crashing into the marble steps to the throne. Stars popped in front of his eyes, the edges of his vision clouding with black mist. He tried to blink it away, the blurry visage of conquest slowly drawing closer, a deep, sinister chuckle vibrating his aching body. He dared not blink, Dared not open himself up for an easy blow. The hammer rose to the sky as Conquest wound up for another crushing blow, a grin of sharp white teeth spreading across her face. Drake tried to pull himself out of the way, but his arm gave out underneath him, legs refusing to move as the stone pinning his gut held him down. The blunt face of the hammer filled his vision as it came swinging down. Was this the end? after he'd made it so far, fought so hard to free his people...
Drake reluctantly closed his eyes, unable to bear the shame.
A shockwave battered his body, making him flinch. But he didn't feel any pain, in a matter of fact, he felt quite the opposite, a soft trickle of vitality refreshed his body as he opened his eyes.
A man in old, green camouflage fatigues stood with his hand outstretched, stopping the crushing hammer head against his palm, form misty and transparent like a ghost as he turned his head with a familiar rogueish smile.
"Lookin a little rough son, think you might've bit off more than you can chew?"
Alexander Dragoline quipped, disregarding the mad god he defied with naught but a lifted palm. A soft, warm hand gently caressed his face making him look up into his mother's kind eyes. He lifted his right arm as thorny rose vines latticed their way down it, the bruised skin and broken bones mending before his very eyes. Conquest's hammer lifted away, a look of cold rage on her face as she glared at the man. Alexander met the gaze with a soft laugh as he stared back at Conquest with a mad glint in his eyes.
"Guardians... I should have known... you humans are so predictable."
Conquest spat with a vitriol that could boil seas. Alexander grinned wildly as Drake found the strength to shove the rock off his stomach, the latticework of climbing rose vines covering his entire body, weaving in and out of the warped gaps in his chest plate. Drake looked up at his mother's softly smiling face, the rose-shaped birthmark on her face glowing warmly as she whispered.
"I'm proud of you, Of how far you've come. Don't give up now, let us do what parents should always do..."
His mother glowed brightly, her form shattering and reforming into a slim necklace with a beautiful black rose encased in glass for a pendant. It flashed from existence, appearing around his neck, the dried, flexible vine warm as a loving hug.
"...and protect our child from harm."
Drake looked at his father, eyes misty as his Dad put his fists on his hips, a proud smile adorning his face. He stuck out his hand asking.
"Ready to kick some divine ass, son?"
Accepting the offered hand, Drake pulled himself to his feet as his father began to glow, shattering into shards that reformed into the sword Drake had carried since the arena.
"Yeah... I am, Dad..."
"Good, Kick her in the snatch for me."
Conquest tapped the hammer's shaft against her palm as Drake stood to his full height, that hungry grin reappearing.
"This changes nothing child... two measly mortal souls, no matter how convicted, cannot match divinity."
Drake raised Alexandros with a grin, shifting into the comfortable peasant's grip he knew by heart. The dismissive tone of Conquest's voice only stoked the familiar, comfortably warm nuclear sun of rage in his chest. The climbing rose vines forming a crown of black roses atop his head as he started marching forward with a lopsided grin. The dark goddess letting out a low, curious growl.
"You're approaching me? How brave."
Drake continued marching, winding up for a Horizontal cut as the fires of rage filled his being, tamed by his mother's bleeding heart and guided by his father's battle-hardened hands.
"I can't kick your ass without getting closer."
Conquest wound up her hammer, letting it swing with an eager shout.
"Then get as close as you like foolish boy!"
......
Part 104: https://www.reddit.com/HFY/comments/1cnuyl1/troublemakers_the_son_of_witch_and_warrio

This is sort of about phentermine so hang with me please 🙏🏻
I put off anything to do with my health for a year. My mom was diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer Feb ‘23. She passed in May of ‘23. She had multiple co-morbidities and smoked her entire adult life. But the cancer was so aggressive. She went from ~325 pounds in Feb to ~170 pounds at the time of death. I decided it was time to get my health in order this January. I went to my GYN, did my WWE. During this appointment we discussed things I was experiencing, my health history and my family history. She recommended testing before starting a contraceptive. Due to the placement of my uterus and the muscle lining in my abdomen, I cannot have any more children without significant risk to me or the baby. I’m perfectly content with this, I have 3 kids and a step-child. MY INSURANCE DIDNT COVER ANY OF THE EXAM, TESTING, CONTRACEPTIVE, OR HORMONE TESTING. Why? Because we discussed my weight at the initial appointment. Preventative weight loss is not covered under my plan because I do not have a pre-existing diagnosis to support the treatment of obesity. The exact conversation went from discussing possible fibroids or pre-menopause and the provider asking if my weight has been an issue, either rapid gaining or if I’ve experienced rapid loss, or if I can’t lose no matter what I do. I work in healthcare, I know these questions will help my Dr with the coarse of treatment.
This all connects now, phentermine is not covered by most insurances but it is lower cost. I pay $14/month for 37.5 mg. I knew my insurance didn’t cover it because I looked in our app. My PCP wanted to prescribe a GLP-1, I looked in my app and Monjuaro is covered if I’m prediabetic but $500, if I am diabetic…it’s $25. Ozempic was a little cheaper if I’m prediabetic and $25 if I’m diabetic. And insurance will only approve these with one of those diagnosis. Zepbound and WeGovy are not covered at all. Because they are preventative.
I went off on the rep last night. I know it isn’t his fault but it’s complete BS that healthcare in the US is only affordable if you’re chronically sick. I have over $3000 of bills to pay because my doctor wanted to know about my weight to see if it supported hormone bloodwork. As a 34 year old female after having 3 children, this should be covered because the chances of my hormones being off is high. My TSH was high but the reflexes were in normal range. I’m supposed to recheck this in July, I’m scared to. That’s a $700 panel and if it is all normal, I will have another bill.
At this point I’m convinced I should make myself chronically ill just to be able to afford my healthcare.

I went for a pap smear and during the pelvic exam my gynecologist said that she could see part of my IUD, which she thought was the arm. I got the Paragard 1 year ago from PP and after the first 3 months everything was normalized. Now my gyn has scheduled me for an ultrasound guided removal and if I decide to, a replacement. She recommended that I get the Kyleena instead. According to her, she sees more expulsion with the paragard.
I’ve been overthinking a lot about what I should do. The appointment she gave me isn’t until almost 2 months from now. She advised back up methods like condoms until then. Near the appointment I have med school exams and then some important events. Insertion was quite painful for me and it took me a week to recover fully (I was so crampy and pain killers did not cover it. But after a week it got much better). I dont want to be dealing with all the side effects/recovery around then so I’m thinking of postponing my appointment for the removal. Or instead of the removal I could make the appointment just a consultation to discuss my options.
I was doing quite well with the Paragard. I loved that it was non hormonal. I dont have a heavy period, and I’m prone to hormonal breakouts. Im also afraid of mood side effects. Has anyone switched from paragard to kyleena?
I’ve also read that the chance of a subsequent expulsion increases by 10-20% after the first. I’m confused about if I should just go on the pill, maybe the mini pill. I already take another medication daily so I feel like I should be able to manage. The get it and forget plus non hormonal was what sold me on the Paragard. But now I keep going in circles.
I would love to hear other’s experiences and advice since I don’t really have anyone to discuss with. Thanks.

Hey all - I had an IUD fitted today as part of my perimenopause treatment and thought I'd share the experience. As a 37-year old, I'd never had an IUD before so didn't know what it would be like, and thought I'd share in case anyone else is facing a similar treatment path!
Below is long, but I wanted to give a detailed account. I hope it's helpful to somebody (and doesn't break any rules, mods!)
Background
I was recently diagnosed as perimenopausal at the age of 37. I had loads of symptoms, but key among them have been heavy, clotty and increasingly painful periods, and very irregular cycles (anything from 10 to 40 days) over the past 18 months or so - despite being on the progesterone-only pill (which can actually stop periods in some women.. but obviosuly not me, lol).
After eventually getting a referral to a gynaecologist I was diagnosed as perimenopausal and they recommended I start HRT. Given my medical history (previously had received combination BC pill but had to stop as I was getting migraines) and period troubles, they recommended a topical (gel/lotion) estrogoen, and a progesterone coil (Mirena). So I got myself booked into the sexual health clinic for a coil to be fitted.
Before the appointment
I took 1000 mg paracetamol (acetominophen) about an hour before the appointment and made sure I had some breakfast (honestly, I think they recommend the painkiller this more for the cramping pain you get afterwards, rather than the pain of the actual insertion).
The insertion is a similar set up to getting a smear test, so if you'd feel more comfortable wearing a dress or skirt consider that (I figure, my fanny is going to be out no matter what, so I opted for leggings as I find these comfy even if I'd have to take them off completely). I also packed a sanitary pad as some bleeding can happen, and in my country the pads the free clinics give out are massive and have no wings, and I wanted to be confident in my pad's abilities!
At the appointment
After checking into the clinic and waiting a few minutes, a lovely nurse came to collect me and took me back into the treatment room/office. She sat me down and asked a few health questions (about my periods, what contraception I was currently using, sexual health/partners, if there was a chance I could be pregnant, etc.), then talked me through potential side effects and risks of the procedure. This (and my experience of it!) was as below:

• Undressed (pants/trousers and underwear) behind a curtain, and lay down on the bed. I was given a large sheet of paper towel to cover myself with. At this point, a second nurse joined to assist in passing various bits to the first nurse, and check on me while the insertion was going on
• Bend knees and place feet onto special pads or stirrups
• Internal exam conducted (nurse inserted two fingers into vagina to check vaginal canal and cervix), and also palpated (pushed) on pelvis above where the uterus is - this took maybe 5-10 seconds tops, and was a little uncomfortable - about the same discomfort pain as getting a smear test
• Speculum inserted and opened - this was kind of uncomfortable, and felt like a kind of pressure, but was familiar from smear tests
• Before fitting the IUD, the nurse has to measure how deep your uterus is so they know how far to push the IUD in. To do this, they use what essentially is a thin plastic stick with a ruler on it. To get this into your uterus, they obviously have to go through the hole in your cervix. As part of this, they grip the cervix with a pair of forceps, and gently pull to hold it in place. I thought this would be the most painful part, but honestly it wasn't much worse than the speculum in terms of pain levels
• What I did find painful however was when the measuring stick touched the top of the uterus. At this point there was a pretty substantial stabbing, cramping feeling. It was painful enough to make me say 'OUCH' out loud, and I found I was getting a bit upset and having to breathe through the pain, as it did last for a little while (probably only around 10-20 seconds, but at the time it feels like longer)
• I have a pretty high pain threshold (I can get piercings and tattoos without blinking an eye, pretty sure I've hairline fractured some digits and never sought treatment, repeatedly had some bad sprains, sliced my palm open and pain was manageable, etc.) but I have to be honest... this was pretty bad. It's probably some of the worst pain I've had, but I would rate it a 6/7 out of 10 on a pain scale - I could go worse before having to stop and give up and explore getting it fitted under sedation, for example
• Once the nurse has the measurement, they take the IUD fitting device out of the box. It comes in a sort of long plastic tube with the little arms folded down flat so it can pass through the hole in the cervix. Once again, they clamp down on the cervix, and push the tube through (they had to switch to a slightly smaller IUD at this point as the original one they wanted to fit was too big to fit into my dainty womb apparently!). And again, the worst pain was when they made contact with the top of the uterus and opened the IUD up
• The tube and speculum are removed and that's it - it's fitted. The whole insertion process took maybe 5 minutes, but it was uncomfortable and there's the usual 'fanny out in front of strangers who are digging around down there' awkwardness

The nurses were great throughout, they were very kind and calming, checked in on me often and told me what they were doing at each step.
If you are interested, there's a sort of training animation available online you can watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVZoH0Pda-4
Afterwards & next steps
After it was inserted and they'd closed the curtains, I was able to lie there for a while and recover. I sat up slowly in case I felt light-headed (nurse said I might), but I was fine. The pain was now more like bad period cramps - painful but not as bad as the stabbing pain during the insertion. I would say if you are used to bad period cramps it would be familiar pain. Using my pain scale I'd say they were a 5/6 out of 10.
I put my pad into my underwear and got dressed. The nurse gave me some leaflets and a reminder card, reminded me to take pain killers and advised that I give it about 30 mins before driving home.
I left the clinic and walked back to my car. I was pretty uncomfortable so I sat in there for about 20-30 mins. The cramps were coming in waves, and after a while I had to get home so started driving. I was safe to drive but I felt a bit drained after it all, so you might want to get a friend to drive you if you can.
Since then, the cramps have been getting better. About 6 hours from the insertion and the pain is down to a 2/3, and still coming in waves, although they are further apart. I have doubled up on painkillers though to help - 3 hours after I took that first paracetamol/acetominophen I took 400 mg ibuprofen, and am keeping up with painkillers according to the dosing instructions they come with. I've had a hot water bottle on my tummy to help too. I've felt a bit nauseous, but have made sure to eat.
I have had some bleeding. Not a lot so far - it's more like a sort of spotting bleeding, but it does look as though there's some endometrial tissue in it (which would make sense seeing as my uterus has been repeatedly poked!).
Stupidly I didn't take the day off work - I kind of naively thought that the worst of it would be at the point of insertion. I'm working from home, but I am defintiely not as effective as I normally am, and I could have done with having the day for rest and some self-care. If you are getting an IUD fitted I strongly suggest taking the day for yourself if you can.
The coil should last about 8 years before it needs removing/replacing (unless something happens in the meantime).
In a week I have a call with my doctor about starting the oestrogen.
---
As I say, I hope this was helpful. I'd be happy to answer any questions if anybody has any!

I wanted to get some insight from the WHNP/NP community about my new grad job offer at an OB/GYN clinic. The position is M-F 8:30am-5pm

• -115k/year--I was told I could be paid hourly (so I'd be paid overtime if I worked outside of the designated hours) or salaried. Does anyone have any input on which option is better? I'm leaning towards hourly because the overtime potential but curious on what others think.
• $1500 CME
• no on call
• health, vision, and dental (i'm assuming malpractice too but need to confirm)--UPDATE: the job is paying 50/50 for insurance--is that normal? I know at some jobs it's covered completely so I wasn't sure??)
• DEA and credentialing reimbursed
• 2 weeks PTO, 5 sick days

Still looking into 401k, holiday pay, and admin time distribution.

So I’m a clinical medical assistant going on 7 years. I’m burnt out of this position. Have worked in a lot of specialties but I’m tired of the 9-5. Also I’m trying to find a little less of a patient facing job. Nothing wrong with patient contact sometimes or working with people by any means but I’m just over vital signs and steroid shots and asking elderly patients about their medication list they always forget about 😂
I was asked if I knew about the position before the interview was set up because I guess she said a lot of people were applying thinking it was a surgical tech. I have zero desire to be a scrub tech. My ulcerative colitis makes a job where I need to stay in a sterile field for hours with no way to scrub out for a bathroom break a very unproductive environment.
I told her I’m familiar with a bit of it and that it’s sterilizing/cleaning/using autoclaves to clean instruments and possibly calibrating the machines. There may be more to it than that that I can absolutely learn on the job. I actually worked in ON/GYN and have cleaned many an instrument by hand covered in body fluids before the autoclave. So I’m not afraid of blood or fluids.
I’m just unsure if there’s anything specific I should ask about for the interview or read up on to prepare so I can look somewhat competent for this position!
I currently make $16 an hour and have no idea what the pay is for this position but if it’s close enough to what I’m making now I’m alright with that. I also know that this may not be some super glorious job but I’m currently in college for social work minoring in sociology so clearly I have a deep love of under appreciated jobs 😅
Note: she didn’t say anything about being certified and the job didn’t specify being certified but I have no problem getting certified if need be.

B-GYN (Obstetrician-Gynecologist) Expectant mothers often rely on the expertise of their regular Ofor prenatal care and childbirth. However, the addition of a pregnancy and maternity specialist to your healthcare team can provide unique benefits and support throughout your pregnancy journey. Let's explore how a pregnancy and maternity specialist complements your regular OB-GYN care and enhances the overall pregnancy experience.

1. Personalized Support and Guidance:
   While your OB-GYN provides essential medical care during pregnancy, a pregnancy and maternity specialist offers personalized support and guidance tailored to your individual needs. They take the time to address your concerns, answer your questions, and provide emotional support throughout the pregnancy journey. Whether it's discussing childbirth preferences, exploring alternative pain management options, or addressing specific lifestyle concerns, they offer a holistic approach to care that complements the medical expertise of your OB-GYN.
   
2. Comprehensive Education and Resources:
   Pregnancy and maternity specialists often offer educational resources, workshops, and classes that supplement the information provided by your OB-GYN. These resources cover a wide range of topics, including prenatal nutrition, childbirth preparation, breastfeeding, newborn care, and postpartum recovery. By equipping you with knowledge and skills, they empower you to make informed decisions about your pregnancy and childbirth experience.
   
3. Holistic Approach to Well-being:
   While OB-GYNs focus primarily on the medical aspects of pregnancy, pregnancy and maternity specialists take a more holistic approach to well-being. They address not only the physical aspects of pregnancy but also the emotional, social, and lifestyle factors that impact maternal and fetal health. This holistic approach may include recommendations for stress management techniques, relaxation exercises, mindfulness practices, and other strategies to promote overall well-being during pregnancy.
   
4. Individualized Prenatal Care:
   Pregnancy and maternity specialists offer individualized prenatal care that complements the care provided by your OB-GYN. They may conduct additional assessments, screenings, or tests based on your unique needs and preferences. This personalized approach ensures that you receive comprehensive care that is tailored to your specific circumstances and helps optimize the health and well-being of both you and your baby.
   
5. Continuity of Care:
   By working in collaboration with your regular OB-GYN, a pregnancy and maternity specialist ensure continuity of care throughout your pregnancy journey. They communicate effectively with your OB-GYN to coordinate appointments, share relevant medical information, and ensure seamless transitions between different stages of care. This collaborative approach ensures that you receive the highest quality of care and support from both healthcare providers.
   

Conclusion:
While your regular OB-GYN plays a central role in your prenatal care and childbirth experience, the addition of a pregnancy and maternity specialist to your healthcare team can provide valuable support and resources that enhance the overall pregnancy journey. From personalized guidance and comprehensive education to a holistic approach to well-being and continuity of care, they complement the care provided by your OB-GYN and help ensure the best possible outcomes for you and your baby. If you're expecting or planning to start a family, consider incorporating the expertise of a pregnancy and maternity specialist into your prenatal care plan for a more fulfilling and empowering pregnancy experience.

Edit: i just read the rule about not requesting only chat discussion. So I will post my questions.
I was fine until age 9, then had incontinence problems along with some behavioral stuff after a session of summer camp where I was terrified, refused to use the outhouse, and was incontinent and encopretic and severely depressed. I was sent home with sores on my vulva and horrible UTI infection. After that, I had more severe utis and was examined and treated, with multiple catheterizations. At 11, I had a meatotomy and reduction of vaginal and labial adhesions that no one seems to have noticed or mentioned previously, and the medical records indicate it was the same doctors each time I was treated, so there was continuity. I know that adhesions are common in young girls, but I didn't have them before age 11, apparently. What would cause them to happen?
The actual description is "examination and cystoscopy under anesthesia revealed vaginal adhesions and hymenal adhesions attached to the lower lip of the external meatus, external meatus is deformed and pulled up and partially covered by hemenal tissue. there are also two adhesions. Those were separated. Meatotomy was performed at 3, 9, and 6 o'clock." What does that mean?
I am trying to understand a surgery I had when I was 11. I am hoping to discuss with an actual ob/gyn or nurse who can interpret the medical terms. while I feel awkward about putting it out here on the internet, I suppose the whole purpose of reddit is so we can all learn from each other, but for some reason I've got a lot of shame surrounding this. Is anyone willing to pm me?
Thank you.

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I know this long and not along the funny lines. But I need help raising awareness to make it easier for people like my brother and his wife to get help with IVF. It’s so expensive and insurance doesn’t always cover it. They recently tried to win votes in a contest for $5000 toward the $30000 IVF costs. Sadly they lost. Due to the contest not having caps on people voting more than once. Two of the winner already had a child and the other had insurance to help cover it. This is their story below. My guilty part in this is that no matter how bad a feel for them. All I want is to be an aunt. My kids grew up being the only ones in the family and it makes me so sad to not have all these children for me to spoil and love. Charlotte please help me spread the word on infertility. I just want to be an aunt so bad and I can’t believe money is what’s stopping us right now. I’m holding bitterness in my heart that I haven’t been able to be the amazing aunt I will be. But the real heartbreak is my brother and his wife.
“The struggle to be happy and grateful while you feel like the world is passing you by, waiting for your turn when you want something so badly - it’s indescribably hard. It’s isolating and lonely, even when you have a support system to lean on and lift you up. Recognizing you’re not alone doesn’t fix the heartache or take away the anxiety, mental exhaustion, mood swings, side effects like weight gain, hair loss, migraines, nausea or bruises on your belly from all the shots.
You dare to be hopeful, again and again and bargain with yourself over all the things you could be doing differently or better or more or less. Infertility is the hardest full time job you’ll ever have - you don’t get paid for it, but it’s all consuming and no matter how hard you work, you’re not promoted to the only title you actually want, “mom and dad”. All the love you have to give has nowhere to go, and you often spare others’ feelings rather than share how it affects you every day.
Infertility can tear you apart - it’s cruel and unfair. It’s a roller coaster of emotions and you never know when the next drop or turn will come. It’s draining - mentally, physically and financially. But infertility can also show you how many people are willing to fight with you and for you, you just have to let them in. We build our walls so high to protect ourselves we forget that the cracks let in sunlight and that’s where love grows and heals.
Sharing something so personal and private is tough, but so is infertility. Suffering in silence is even harder. We are in awe of the support system that has shown up for us and we are beyond grateful for the outpouring of love. Everyone who has liked, commented, posted, shared, voted for us to receive funds, prayed, hoped, asked, messaged, reached out, sent a positive thought or good vibe our way, THANK YOU.
The intent behind the generous “Fertility Diaries” giveaway from The Fertility Center is increasing awareness, especially this week. We are hopeful to be in the running to receive $5,000 toward our treatment, which would make such a difference for our family. If you have voted or continue to, we are very grateful and fortunate to have the support.
I read a quote that inspired me to step out of my comfort zone in hopes that even one person suffering in silence can see all the good that comes from letting people in. To honor National Infertility Awareness Week, for those interested or wondering if there are different approaches out there that may lead to answers, here’s our 3.5 Year Ongoing Journey (it’s a long one).
In 2018 after unexplained recurring and worsening pain several doctors I had seen dismissed, a new doctor asked me if I had ever heard about endometriosis. She explained that she had a hunch endo was the cause of the pain I was experiencing, but that the only way to diagnose definitively was with surgery. We got scheduled and the pain worsened quickly. It became so severe that I was bedridden for a month - confused as to what was happening inside my body. I had to quit my job and was struggling while Pat flew missions for the US Air Force, gone for weeks at a time.
I had surgery, anticipated to be diagnostic and fairly quick, but based on the abdominal scope the doctor found pretty severe endometriosis and several cysts that needed to be removed. My husband made the decision we discussed ahead of time to extend the surgery and remove all of the cysts and endometriosis present. What was described to me as routine and something most people recover in a couple of days from, was not what I was experiencing. I was still having trouble getting out of bed and walking around on my own after several weeks.
Post-surgery I was told the doctor saw a presence of over-active nerves and she attributed the severity of the endo she removed and the overactive nerves to my longer recovery. She gently mentioned that if we planned to have children we should consider bumping up our timeline to the next 1-2 years, but I thought of it more as a passing comment (insert regret). I was 25, newly married and not ready to think about babies yet. I wish I asked more questions then (hindsight).
To keep the endo from returning, I was put on a low dose birth control. I was pain-free for about 18mos. before I started noticing the familiar feeling creeping back in. We had relocated to Grand Rapids and I researched an OB/GYN that treated endometriosis. Their suggestion was to try a drug called Orlissa, which puts your body into a temporary medical menopause to “starve” the endo of estrogen it feeds on.
The side effects were wicked. I had hot flashes you could see coming on from a mile away - my whole body turned purple. I wasn’t sleeping and before long I had dark circles that looked more like black eyes (SO much concealer). I had just started a new job, so these symptoms at work were embarrassing and not something I felt I could talk about openly. I lasted 6mos. before throwing in the towel, but the endo pain was gone. I was no longer triggered by certain foods (gluten and chocolate) and started to feel more like myself again.
I was referred to a new doctor by a friend shortly after - this office is application only and specializes further in endometriosis. Fast forward to 2020, celebrating our 3rd anniversary and deciding to casually start trying for a family. Given my history, we were hopeful but involved our OB/GYN after 6mos. who suggested we do a second laparoscopy to check for endo and perform the HSG (tube test) while I was under anesthesia.
To my surprise waking up from surgery a second time, I got the great news that they did not find any returning endo and my tubes were open! We started Clomid and kept trying, hopeful this would do the trick. We doubled the dose and did some baseline testing, but ultimately reached the end of the road for treatment with our OB/GYN after 6mos. (a year in).
We were referred to The Fertility Center and began a new protocol with Femara, which my body didn’t respond to. My husband was tested and everything came back fine on his end. We were introduced to a laundry list of supplements and FSH injections - and as a person who was terrified of needles (broke out in a sweat just mentioning the word) I was less than thrilled and needed friends and (eventually) my husband to do the injections.
FSH injections require closer monitoring, so we became very familiar with the ultrasound machine and (you guessed it) more needles! Monthly blood draws. With several medicated cycles, my body adjusted sporadically. There were a few months we missed ovulation all together and had to wait, which meant a lot of sunken cost with nothing to show for it.
I started acupuncture after reading about the benefits online and finding a local clinic that offered fertility-focused packages including IUI and IVF support. Talk about exposure therapy for needles! I felt the calming and de-stressing effects immediately and still go every 1-2 weeks, 2 years later. I’ve taken the advice of my acupuncturist over the years with supplements and have learned more about balance.
We tried IUI twice, our second procedure our levels looked really great and we were so hopeful. After 6-7 months, I needed a break. Mentally I was not in a good place so we took a month or two and decided to start IVF in the new year. After talking with a friend, something their family member did to conceive really stuck with me.
This friend told me of someone in their family who needed their partner’s sample to be immersed in their bodily fluids before transferring in order for her body to recognize and not repel for being foreign. Then a lightbulb went off - my entire life my body has repelled anything foreign; tubes in my ears multiple times, all piercings, even an IUD.
We pushed for more answers before pursuing IVF and were referred to a doctor that some in the RE world would consider “experimental”. Dr. Derbala from Derbala Institute for Reproductive Immunology (RI) is one of less than 5 in the country practicing this approach. After extensive testing (25 viles of blood, an hour long internal ultrasound, hysteroscopy and uterine biopsy while awake and unmedicated - triggering trauma) a few genetic mutations believed to contribute to inflammation and implantation failure as well as over clotting of the blood were found.
We also discovered my blood contains much higher than normal levels of NK cells and anti phospholipid antibodies - in short terms, my immune system is an overachiever and is overactive. We have worked for over a year now with varying aggressive medication protocols, including immune suppression.
With monthly blood draws to monitor my immune levels, we were tweaking the medications to address the ebbs and flows of different markers. Traveling for work during this time forced me to conquer my biggest fear - administering my own shots. We were hoping by treating the underlying issues we would conceive on our own and not need more intervention.
Due to worsening side effects (increasingly frequent and debilitating migraines, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, prednisone withdrawal, weight gain, hair loss, extreme bruising) we decided that IVF is necessary to control the medication timeline and condense side effects.
We had consultations with 4 fertility clinics in the surrounding areas and learned a lot of abbreviations along the way (IVF lingo). Our insurance does not cover any fertility treatments or medications. After 3.5 years and over $13k out of our savings with nothing to show for it, we are investing in IVF out of pocket. The financial uncertainty with IVF is daunting, all for the chance to conceive with no guarantee.
It’s difficult to choose the right fit - financially, geographically and to feel well taken care of and understood by your providers. We are hopeful that we have found a great team of doctors to help us conceive with The Fertility Center and Derbala Reproductive Immunology.
We realize the next few months through the IVF process will be challenging, but we will have an uphill battle ahead of us if we find success with IVF. According to predictions based on all of the immune testing, we will likely be classified as a high-risk pregnancy with weekly monitoring throughout. It’s been a blessing to have transparency with next steps, but like so many facing infertility, the outcome you want so badly is also ironically the scariest outcome you can imagine.
There are deep scars from this process that no one sees - mine are still healing slowly and sometimes old wounds can re-open. Every pregnancy announcement on social media, someone innocently asking if you want kids or when you’re having kids, birthdays and holidays that feel empty, the parts of your body that feel traumatized and the disassociation with discretion you experience to name a few.
We are grieving the people we would have been if we had not gone through this struggle. We are grieving the memories we could have made with our grandparents and parents having great/grand babies. We are accepting that our dream of our kids being in the same class as our friends’ kids isn’t going to be a reality. Those are tough things to let go of.
We are leaning on our system of support and taking this one day, one step at a time. I feel lucky beyond words to have my husband Pat Schmidt, who picks up the slack when I’m tired or sick or sad (which is more often than not lately). He’s affected in all of this too, but he’s holding it all together for us and I’m toughing it out for him. He will be the world’s best dad and I can’t wait for that day. The supporting role doesn’t ever get enough of the credit.
If you’re still reading, thank you. Being part of this conversation is helping remove the stigma associated with infertility little by little. I’m hoping that by being vulnerable enough to share our very private struggle, someone else will feel empowered to seek answers, speak about their experience and let their support system help carry some of the weight infertility burdens 1 in 6 with.
With National Infertility Awareness Week highlighting such a vulnerable part of our lives, we are thinking of all those struggling - you are brave for continuing to hope and fight for the family you deserve. Continuing the conversation is an important piece in validating all of the resilient couples out there who’s every day involves infertility. We are stronger when we uplift each other.”

Hello fellow Dadderinos,
I am here to share three anecdotes about the births of my three kids. I have a 6yo boy, a 5yo girl and a 3yo girl. It has been amazing to watch them grow. I was recently scrolling through photos and found ones of them when they were newborns. It inspired me to share my experiences with all you other dads.
6yo Boy
Our son was very cozy in the womb and held on past his due date. Other than for Mexican food, which had previously been one of my wife's favorite foods, his appetite --as my wife pointed out he was leading her to the food-- was insatiable, and he had anything he wanted. He did not want to enter the world, but the doctor said he had to come, and we scheduled my wife to be induced. It was on a Monday.
The process was slow, and as my very hungry wife was unable to eat, I was also unable to eat. So we sat, drank apple juice, chewed on ice and watched Chip and Joanna Gaines rehab homes on HGTV. The only interruptions were when I had to use the john, and when the anesthesiologist kicked me out of the room to stick a giant needle into my wife's back for an epidural. I protested but was hurried out of the room by a nurse who explained that I would most likely faint, and because I was not small, I would most likely remain on the floor until I came to.
After hours and hours of waiting -- Chip and Joanna must have flipped everyhome in Waco-- it was go time. Within minutes, I thought, I'll get to meet my son. I was pumped. We had done birthing classes. I learned the cadences to help her breath. I was ready to be the birthing coach of birthing coaches. The most supportive husband this world has ever known.
Then it got hard. Though she had an epidural she was feeling pain. It was 2 AM. The process began 20 hours before. She had been pushing for hours, and every time the little guy would make progress, he would slip back up. I was exhausted and hungry. I was ready to sleep, and I had a talent for sleeping in any position on any object. I could sleep sitting straight up in a chair. I was a standing zombie, and sleep began to overtake me. 'Okay,' said the doctor, 'we're almost there. Just a few more pushes.'
'I can't.' my wife whimpers 'I can't do it. I don't know if I can do this.'
Coach mode engaged.
I reply to her. 'What do you mean you can't do it? You have to do it. There is no other choice. Our little guy is stuck in there and you are literally the only one person in the entire world who can get him out. So find the strength and push.'
As Snickers says 'you're not yourself when you're hungry (and tired).'
5yo Girl
Our first girl liked the womb as well, so my wife was induced on a Monday again. We knew what to expect this time, and we had a 15 month old boy, so we felt like experts. This time, I would not fast unless the nurse gave me an IV. When they declined to give me one, I made a trip to the cafeteria.
The induction was faster. We only watched a quarter of Waco get rehabbed, and we had a very hefty baby girl in a quarter of the time that it took for my son to enter the world. He had cleared the way for her.
When she came out though, her tone was off. Rather than a wonderful purple and white hue, she was orange. Like nearly carrot orange. Her grandfather is Dutch, so if she grew up orange, I knew he wouldn't mind, but the rest of us were kind of worried. The doctor shared that she had high bilirubins in her blood, and that is what is causing the jaundice. It was easily treatable. She just had to lay under a special light. However, it would require her to be under constant supervision because the light could hurt her eyes. She was given a funny looking pair of foam goggles that blocked out the light, and she kept swatting them off, so they were going to take her to the nursery and have a nurse look after her while we slept. When she wanted to eat, they would bring her in.
My wife, now exhausted, was compliant. I, however, insisted that I would stay awake with our new girl and keep her eyes covered. My wife was dubious I would make it all night and not without reason. I had a special talent for falling asleep in any position on any object. (I have since lost this power and now my back aches if I fall asleep on the couch). I said 'I absolutely will not fall asleep and let our little chunker go blind,' so my wife turned over and went to sleep.
The light that my girl was under was on a little cart that rolled through the room, so I rolled her over to the couch and got the couch set up as a bed. I could tell that the light was bothering my wife, so I rolled the unplugged IV over near us, and threw a couple of sheets over it, spread them over the cart, and tucked them behind the edge of the bed. I had brought my laptop. I got myself set up with a game of Civilization 5 and settled into our little teepee, checking on her every minute or so. The next seven hours were spent marveling at the little lump beside me, fixing her foam glasses, dreaming of what her eyes would look like and trying to defeat Gandhi before he plunged the world into nuclear war.
3yo Girl
While Oma and Opa were at home with our very verbal three year old boy and our raucous climbing two year old girl, we were in the hospital again, ready to welcome our third child, another baby girl, into the world. My wife was scheduled for an induction again, but this time the baby decided to come on her own. We arrived at the hospital two hours before we were scheduled to arrive. My wife was feeling light contractions, so she was quickly brought to the delivery room and immediately given an epidural.
We settled into our show, and knowing that I had not eaten breakfast yet and an IV would not be given to me, my wife encouraged me to order food. I called in my order to the cafeteria, turned the TV to HGTV, and got her an apple juice and ice. I had not yet completed my morning business, so I went to the john.
Hospital rooms are organized similarly to hotel rooms in that they have an area for a bed, a small couch, a tv on the wall facing the bed and the bathroom door perpendicular to the room door.
I am sitting on the toilet, playing a game of Chess on my phone, when I hear the nurse come in. A few minutes pass, and I here more nurses come in. 'Did you call the doctor yet?' one asks another. Doors open. Doors close. Equipment clatters. 'Where is your husband?' I hear one ask.
I am panicking. Not only has my chamber not been totally evacuated, but the room smells like is should be fumigated, and my stay can no longer be elongated, so I begin wiping. Its not finished though and more keeps coming. When I don't wipe, I don't have to go, but as soon as I do wipe, I have to go more. I make a gametime decision, stuff my crack with toilet paper, hope for the best and wash my hands. I empty a bottle of Febreeze onto myself and into the air, then try to time my exit to make it seem like it wasn't me that just went Civilization 5 Gandhi in the bathroom. I hear the nurses in the room by the bed away from the bathroom door, so I open it and try to sneak into the room. The door to the room opens at the same time, and I run into the cafeteria worker delivering my food. He hands me the tray.
I turn around. I see my wife in the stirrups, the doctor ready for the hand off and three nurses standing around the bed. Everyone is staring at me. I am staring back at them, my mouth agape, my face white as ghost, and my crack filled with toilet paper. Febreeze, bacon and fecal matter woft from my person, and the doctor says 'nice of you to join us. I hope everything went well.' He turns back to his task and out comes my third child.