Flank pain icd 9

[store] CACHE sets and Immortals for trade + Weathers

2024.05.16 18:36 aminalzoubi [store] CACHE sets and Immortals for trade + Weathers

Most prices are negotiable

for those who like picture like me:2019, 2020, 2020pt2, 2021, dead_reck, 2022, 2022pt2, 2023 ,2024
my steam account
add me so we can trade.need to be friends for 30 days. Steam rep
why trade with me ? i have a lot of giftables i want to sell and im not willing to risk my rep for a single trade. also check my steam profile for recent comments , those are people i traded cache sets with ,they all went first you can check their profile for my gifted items .
i always give discounts for people who buy 2 or more.

newest 2023 cache

Item	Price
Snailfire (SnapFire)	20$
Brightfist (Marci)	20$
Dezun Viper (Dazzle)	5$
Primeval Abomination (Primal Beast)	5$
Astral Herald (Dawnbreaker)	5$
Spectral Shadow (Abaddon)	5$
Taur Rider (Alchemist)	5$
Crescent Huntress (Spectre)	5$
Tyrant of the Veil (Wraith King)	5$
Tomo'kan Footsoldier (Hoodwink)	5$
Darkwood Eulogy (Death Prophet)	2.5$
Sea Spirit (Kunkka)	5$
Triumph of the Imperatrix (Legion Commander)	5$
Beast of Thunder (Storm Spirit)	5$
Ancestral Heritage (Jakiro)	2.5$

Dead Reckoning Chest

item	price
Dead Heat (lina)	10$
Spectral Hunter (antimage)	10$
Dying Light (dawnbreaker)	10$
Expired Gun (sniper)	10$
Death Adder (medusa)	10$
Soul Serpent (viper)	10$

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache

set name	hero	price
Shadowleaf Insurgent	hoodwink	15$
Chines of the Inquisitor	faceless void	12$
Spoils of the Shadowveil	Spectre	10$
Starlorn Adjudicator	dawnbreaker	10$
Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt	ursa	5$
Whippersnapper	snap fire	7.5$
Scarlet Subversion	riki	10$
Forgotten Station	terror blade	5$
Champion of the Fire Lotus	monkey king	5$
Hounds of Obsession	chen	5$
Crimson Dawn	pheonix	4$
Seadog's Stash	clockwerk	4$
Deathstitch Shaman	witch doctor	4$
Dirge Amplifier	undying	4$
Blue Horizons	marci	15$
Dark Behemoth	primal beast	30$

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache 2

set name	hero	price
Freeboot Fortunes	ogre magi	4$
Darkbrew's Transgression	alchemist	5$
Acrimonies of Obsession	vengful spirit	7$
Withering Pain	clinkz	4$
Sacred Chamber Guardian	huskar	5$
Feasts of Forever	nightstalker	5$
The Wilding Tiger	brewmaster	5$
Dawn of a Darkness Foretold	doom	5$
War Rig Eradicators	techies	5$
Grand Suppressor	silencer	7$
Transcendent Path	oracle	5$
Cursed Cryptbreaker	pudge	7$
Bird of Prey	legion commander	10$
Darkfeather Factioneer	phantom assassin	10$
Grudges of the Gallows Tree	treant protector	12$
Brands of the Reaper	anti mage	15$
Sublime Equilibrium	void spirit	30$

Nemestice Collector's Cache 2021

set name	hero	price
Twilight Hex	dark willow	20$
Litany of the Damned	doom	25$
Astral Terminus	enigma	20$
Caerulean Star	enchantress	15$
Arcane Inverter	gyrocopter	25$
Creed of the Skullhound	lycan	30$
Desert Bloom	nature's prophet	25$
Eyriebound Imperator	skywrath mage	20$
Anthozoan Assault	tiny	35$
Defender of the Brumal Crest	winter wyvern	25$
Red Sands Marauder	shadow shaman	35$

2019 cache sets

set name	hero	price
Echoes of the Everblack	abaddon	20
The Arts of Mortal Deception	enigma	10
Adornments of the Jade Emissary	earth spirit	25
Poacher's Bane	tide	15
Appetites of the Lizard King	slark	20
Forbidden Medicine	dazzle	15
Curse of the Creeping Vine	undying	15
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan	chen	10
Soul of the Brightshroud	deathprophet	10
Pursuit of the Ember Demons	husker	15
Riddle of the Hierophant	oracle	10
Paean of the Ink Dragon	grimstroke	10
Allure of the Faeshade Flower	dark willow	20
Glimmer of the Sacred Hunt	drow ranger	30
Defender of Ruin	disruptor	15
gothic whisper	phantom assassin	69

2020 cache sets

set name	hero	price
Origin of the Dark Oath	night stalker	25
ravenous abyss	underlord	20
abocalypse unbound	ancient apparittion	10
beholden of the banished ones	warlock	20
fury of the righteous storm	distruptor	10
mindless slaughter	pudge	15
heartless hunt	bounty hunter	15
herald of the ember eye	grimstroke	10
fissured flight	jakiro	10
flashpoint proselyte	husker	15
signs of the allfather	nature's prophet	15
songs of starfall glen	enchantress	5
Glory of the Elderflame	lina	25
Lineage of the Stormlords	juggernaut	25
Silent Slayer	silencer	20
ancient inheritance	tiny	25
forsworn legacy	mars	35
Blaze of Oblivion	phoenix	10
Beast of the Crimson Ring	bristleback	15
Talons of the Endless Storm	chaos knight	15
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler	arc warden	30
Horror from the Deep	tide hunter	20
Evolution of the Infinite	enigma	10
Clearcut Cavalier	timber saw	10
The King Of Thieves	keeper of the light	10
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	rubick	10
Secrets of the Celestial	skywrath mage	10
Blacksail Cannoneer	sniper	10
Wrath of the Fallen	doom	10
Crown of Calaphas	shadowdemon	10
Master of the Searing Path	ember spirit	25
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber	templar assassin	20
Claszureme Incursion	faceless void	55

Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache

item name	hero	price
Silverwurm Sacrifice	dragon knight	30$
Scales Of The Shadow Walker	phantom lancer	10$
Perception of the First Light	dawnbreaker	10$
Apex Automated	clockwerk	10$
Test of the basilisk lord	Razor	15$
Secrets of the frost singularity	Ancient Apparition	5$
Perils of the red banks	Chen	5$
The chained scribe	Grimstroke	5$
Widow of the undermount gloom	Broodmother	10$
Forgotten fate	Mars	5$
March of the crackerjack mage	Rubick	10$
Stranger in the wandering isles	Drow Ranger	35$
Cosmic concoctioneers	Alchemist	10$
Days of the demons	Axe	25$
Blightfall	Abaddon	10$
Pyrexae polymorph perfected	ogre magi	15$
Wrath of the celestial sentinel	Chaos Knight	50$

old cache sets

set name	hero	price
Creeping Shadow	phantom assassin	around 90
Stormwrought Arbiter	sven	around 90
Submerged Hazard	tinker	around 90
Manta Marauder	bat rider	around 90

Weathers. buy 3 and get 4th for free

the lowest of them is the free one

weathers can be traded now!!

weather	price
Ash	~~15$~~ 9$
Aurora	2$
Harvest	3$ 1$
Moonbeam	5$ 2.5$
Pestilence	3$ 1$
Rain	9$ 5$
Sirocco	3$ 1$
Spring	2$
Snow	5$ 2.5$

PS: even if you don't see an item in my inventory feel free to add me and ask about whatever item you're looking for

submitted by aminalzoubi to Dota2Trade [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:36 Flat-Caterpillar-949 One of the essential equipment for outdoor activities, adventure, camping and outing - mosquito repellent tool

Outdoor mosquitoes may cause the following hazards:

**Affects rest**: Mosquitoes make a buzzing sound when flying, which may affect people's sleep quality, leading to fatigue and insomnia.
**Spreading diseases**: Mosquitoes can spread a variety of diseases, such as malaria, filariasis, yellow fever, dengue fever and Zika virus.
**Allergic reaction**: Some people will have allergic reactions to mosquito bites, causing itching, swelling, redness, pain and other symptoms of the skin. In severe cases, they may even have difficulty breathing, syncope, etc.

The degree of harm caused by mosquitoes varies between individuals and the species of mosquito. Some people may have a mild reaction to mosquito bites, while for some people, mosquito bites can cause serious health problems. To reduce the damage caused by mosquitoes, here are some common mosquito repellent methods and their pros and cons:

**Mosquito incense/electric mosquito coils**:

**Advantages**: Mosquito coils and electric mosquito coils can repel mosquitoes within a certain range and are easy to use.
**Disadvantages**: May have smoke or odor, may not be suitable for people with respiratory sensitivities; need to pay attention to fire safety.

**Mosquito repellent spray**:

**Advantages**: Can be sprayed directly on the skin or the surrounding environment to effectively repel mosquitoes.
**Disadvantages**: May be irritating to the skin, please be careful to avoid contact with eyes and mouth when using; regular re-spraying is required.

**Mosquito Net**:

**Advantages**: Physical isolation can effectively prevent mosquitoes from entering and provide a safe sleeping environment.
**Disadvantages**: Limited range of use, can only be used in specific places, such as on the bed.

**Wear long sleeves and long pants**:

**Benefits**: Reduces the chance of mosquito bites by covering the skin.
**Cons**: May cause discomfort in hot weather.

**Use mosquito repellent**:

**Benefits**: When applied to the skin, it can effectively prevent mosquito bites.
**Disadvantages**: It may be irritating to the skin, so you need to choose a product that suits your skin type; the effect may vary depending on individual differences.

**Cool oil/Fengyou essence**:

**Advantages**: It has a certain mosquito repellent effect and can relieve itching after mosquito bites.
**Disadvantages**: The smell is strong and may affect people around you.

**Mosquito repellent bracelet**:

**Advantages**: Easy to wear, suitable for outdoor activities.
**Disadvantages**: The mosquito repellent range is small, and the effect may vary due to product quality and individual differences.

**Electronic Mosquito Repeller**:

**Advantages**: Repels mosquitoes by emitting sound waves or electromagnetic waves of specific frequencies.
**Disadvantages**: The effect may not be obvious and needs to be used within a certain range.

**Plant repellent**:

**Advantages**: Some plants, such as mint, lavender, etc., have a certain repellent effect on mosquitoes.
**Disadvantages**: The mosquito repellent effect is limited and a large number of plants need to be planted to be effective.

**Environmental Improvement**:

**Advantages**: Removing mosquito breeding places, such as stagnant water, garbage, etc., can reduce the number of mosquitoes.
**Disadvantages**: Long-term persistence is required, and the effect may not be immediate.

When choosing a mosquito repellent method, comprehensive considerations can be made based on personal needs and actual conditions. At the same time, a combination of multiple methods may achieve better results. In addition, attention should be paid to maintaining environmental hygiene to avoid the breeding of mosquitoes. If you develop severe symptoms after being bitten by a mosquito, you should seek medical treatment promptly.
"Recommend a mosquito repellent bracelet that does not contain DEET and is made of extracted natural plant essential oils: so that you will no longer be troubled by mosquitoes when you go outdoors.
https://www.ig1688.cc/products/silicone-mosquito-repellent-bracelet?variant=45365460369625"

submitted by Flat-Caterpillar-949 to camping [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:32 Affectionate_Monk_67 My mom blames me for her marriage failing- I need some perspective

I am a 35 year old female and struggle with many issues- major depression, drug addiction(im 2 years sober), ptsd, chronic fatigue, back pain,, I've had 4 surgeries since nov. 2022(open heart surgery, pte lung clot removal surgery which is a gnarly procedure, gallbladder removal, heart vacuum procedure). I'm 9 months post op, except I just had my gallbladder removed 1 month ago. I cannot get put of bed a lot of days. I believe that part of the reason is because I live in a fucked up family living situation.
My stepdad cannot stand the fact that I can't get out of bed. Hes so mad that I'm not working 40 hours a week or going to sober living(my animals can't go and sober living requires you to work go to meetings do chores). So because of this he nit picks me. Every night, when my mom and him go to bed, he intensly complains for 30 minutes to an hour to her about me not getting out of bed. How lazy I am. I'm taking advantage of them. Etc etc. He doesn't believe all the issues I mentioned to you guys that I have struggled with can cause me to lay in bed everyday. He knows that my mom is a light sleeper and has trouble falling asleep. She's told him that when he goes off about stressful things before bed that she wakes up multiple times a night with anxiety ruminating about what he's said.
So my mom blames his behavior on me and says that I'm the problem and if I moved out everything would be fantastic. And she thinks that if I don't move out I'm responsible for the deterioration of their marriage.
I'm desperate for your guys take on this situation. Do I deserve all this? Is it my fault? Is it his fault? Is it both their faults? Everyone's fault?
I feel like the scapegoat and have been for years. I am losing the will to live because I'm not getting support or understanding from the people that are supposed to love me. I've considered going low contact once I figure out a way out of this mess.

submitted by Affectionate_Monk_67 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:29 1RapaciousMF It’s all so simple: insights from a mushroom trip.

Okay, hope this helps one or three people.
I have been struggling for YEARS. Now, I’ve made a LOT of progress in this time. My life is WAY better. But, I still struggle in ways I KNOW are unnecessary.
Having been a long time student of philosophy, Eastern religion, mysticism (though I’m a skeptical atheist, there are babies in the bath water) psychology, pop-psychology, self help, healing modalities etc etc. literally several hundred books.
I was asking myself “what’s going on? Why do I have ALL the answers and yet, here I am, still struggling.” I was extraordinarily intent on getting “the” answer.
I did a low-ish dose of mushrooms and went to the park and was just intently asking this question over and over.
Then it hit me. It’s SO fucking simple. I share the insight in hopes that a couple people will “get it” and be able to escape the apparent trap that resembles what I am in. I saw it all at once, but have to share it in a few “facts”.
Warning: this is not pleasant. I couldn’t believe I “wasted” over half a lifetime ignoring these things, when they are SO obvious.
Facts:

The universe/reality doesn’t care. It doesn’t know you exist. It is just being as it is. Full stop.

This means it’s not “on your side” it’s not “against you” it’s just there being. When acted upon, it will react according to its nature, every fucking time. The universe is NOT a “problem” and it’s not an “opportunity” it JUST IS.

There isn’t an option that doesn’t exist for you. There are myriad options for you. And all of them exist.

Now you might say “but, if I had a million dollars to start a business, I could succeed”. But, if you don’t have the million, then this isn’t an option, by definition. It simply isn’t. It doesn’t exist. Thus, each apparent option that you don’t have is simply a thought, an idea, a DENIAL OF FACT ONE.
When you don’t want to acknowledge fact one, you create thoughts about non-existent options. You create a world that doesn’t exist as an escape mechanism from the ruthless fact above.
If an option exists, it does. If it doesn’t, it exists as mere thought. Period.

For each extant option there are things you can do to bring it about. If there isn’t something you can do to make it real, it isn’t an option.

Formulating “if I could only _. Then I could have __” is an avoidance mechanism of the above fact, fact 2.
If you don’t know what to do, the action is to find out. This is, of course, an action.
If there isn’t anything you can do about it, it is NOT an option for you. Really.
(Warning, it’s about to get real, you will be triggered)

Each action has an emotional price tag. There is a way you will feel when you take the action. Often, it won’t be a feeling you want to feel.

You may see that you should “call X and ask Y” and immediately you feel trepidation. The feeling is the price tag for the action that will bring about the desired condition.
It is the emotion unwillingness to experience this feeling that prevents you from acting. Full stop.
When you decide not to act, because you don’t want to feel the way you will feel, this is an avoidance and denial mechanism of the above fact, fact 3.

Unwillingness to pay the emotional price is the cause of confusion and delusion.

There is a simplicity to this “I want X, I must therefore do Y and I will feel Z”. But when you are unwilling to pay the emotional price, you try to concoct ways around feeing Z. These are increasingly indirect and convoluted.
This, you guessed it, is the denial of fact 4.
It is so painfully simple, do the thing, have the condition. Don’t, and you won’t.

Whatever you do, you become, instantly. If you want to be a “runner” you must simply run. If you want to be a painter, you must paint.

Whatever you want to “be” you must do. Example: want to be “brave” you must do the thing you fear. You don’t have to “get rid of the fear” first, in fact, if you did that successfully and then took the same action, you would NOT be brave.
There are a myriad intentions and motives within you, the ones you act on determines what you are. If you act on the faint call to be kind, you are a kind person.
Not acting on the thing you want, is a denial of the above fact, fact 5.

Any thought or action, repeated, get easier (relative to conditions) and repeated often enough it will be easier to do it than to not. This is what a “habit” is.

So, if you want to be a runner, you must run. And, it will be “hard” which is to say there will be a high initial price tag. This price will lower each time the process is repeated. Eventually the emotional price for running will be less then that of not running. Now, you will “identify” as a runner, or painter, singer etc.
The dark side of this is that the fact is neutral. So, if you repeat avoidance and denial as outlined above, this will be how you see yourself, and this will be your life. This IS YOUR LIFE. (if you struggle as I have.)
This is both the source and the result of the denial of the fact above.

One of the primary drives of a human is to be “self consistent”. This is a force that will operate to change your view of reality, so that you don’t feel the discomfort of “being wrong”

So, when you start to “see yourself” as a runner it creates a desire to run, so that you won’t feel the “pain” of self inconsistency. Of course, if you forego the the same force will work to make you avoid running.
This is why you are the person you are, the good aspects and the bad. It’s an impersonal fact of being human. It’s the “hardware” you have. However you show up in the world is the “software”.
The failure to be the person you want to be is the denial of fact 7, repeated.

You are going to die. Sorry to be the one to tell you, but at some point which you may infuence but not decide, this will be all over and the reality you perceive will no longer exist. Others will be left, themselves waiting to die.

What you do between now that moment IS YOUR LIFE. Your ONE AND ONLY LIFE.
You are alive now and you have many options. FAR more than you could ever become aware of. What you do about the above facts regarding the condition of your life is your life. What you have done prior to this moment is only information stored in your mind.
This is urgent.
The denial of this fact underlies the denial of all the others. If you felt the actual urgency, you would pick an option appealing to you and act.

The process of applying the above facts is truly LIVING rather than waiting to die.

Think about the times you have really felt alive. See that you were in alignment with the above facts. Think of the good parts of life, this is why they are good.
Likewise the aspects of your life that suck, you will find the above delusions at play. And the lows in your life will be times you were mired in the delusions.
I’m sure most people are trying to find the exceptions, which may indeed exist. You can do everything right and get hit by a bus. (Bonus fact)
Still, I would propose to you that the reason you are seeking the exceptions in the first place is to be “self consistent” and to not feel as you would were you to acknowledge them.
The search for the exceptions IS YOUR DELUSION at work.
I know this is harsh, but it’s meant with love. Really. You have ti accept your human-ness and let go the mistakes up til now. Forgive yourself. Be willing to pay the emotional price and if you feel sad, or like me, angry at yourself this is simply you paying the emotional price, in real time. You’re doing the right thing!
Now what? That’s for you to decide. Decide what you want and pick an action you are currently willing to pay the price for and. DO IT. Repeat.
If you don’t know what you want, then the first action is to make a decision.
Figure out what you want, find an action you can do and are willing to pay the price for an do it. Repeat. This is ALWAYS the answer.
This is truly living instead of waiting to die.
I hope someone that reads this decides to live!
Oh, and be patient with yourself. It takes as long as it takes and you don’t get to decide this. All you get to decide is whether or not you will truly LIVE while you’re alive.
Love you all, I swear.

submitted by 1RapaciousMF to selfimprovement [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:24 ChonkyChonker How can I advocate for myself at work with no formal diagnosis?

I just feel so sad. I work for a company in Scotland that provides care and education for people with a wide range of serious neurodivergency, including autism. I'm a social worker there and when I interviewed for the position I expressed that I was undiagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have autism and shared a little about my needs when asked. It took everything to tell them that because my needs embarrass me and I have masked all my life.
Things have been going fine and all my risk paperwork was done, detailing my triggers and responses and what needs I have. I have detailed what overstimulation feels like and how I cope, including that I stim in different ways to help me feel calm.
That was until I got pregnant and HR came for me. I have been having some extreme symptoms, bad nausea and vomiting, aches and pains, headaches. Because of my sensory needs, feeling nauseous or sore is incredibly hard to ignore and I know when I'm not able to go in to work. Sometimes I just need the day to get better. I've taken a lot of absences because of vomiting several times during the morning. HR are not happy about this.
They pulled me up about my several absences and I explained that I am pregnant and sickness is normal. They've been trying to convince me that there's something wrong with my health, and I've been to several doctors at their request. They all came back and told me that what was happening to me was normal and that rest is the best cure. I'm on a medication now to help with the sickness and it's been working. My absences have significantly improved since then.
But it feels like since then they've been looking for every excuse to pull me up and give me into bother. From 8:30am to 9:00am is the time we get to prepare for clients coming to the center. So normally I take whatever I'm working on, my phone or laptop, and I go into the sensory tent or sensory room. This helps me because getting to work can be a really overestimating experience in the morning, especially when my pregnant self is feeling like crap. Bundling into a loud vehicle, as much as I love jam time in the morning with my partner, is still pretty loud. I just use that time to be in a dark quiet space and do like a... Reset I guess! To help me get ready for the day. A few of my fellow neurodiverse colleagues also use that space in the mornings. I've now been pulled up and told that being in the tent in the mornings is not "mature" or "professional". I genuinely don't know what the problem is if its not affecting the work I'm doing?
I was left pretty flat after that conversation to be honest, but I got some reassurance from my colleagues that being in the tent is a non issue and they'll back me up if I continue using it with them. Today was worse. I am having a rough time mentally today. Everything is too loud. My head hurts. But I came in anyways because despite this I felt strong. I brought my favourite plush with me because my coworker often brings in a squishmallow so I wasn't feeling to embarrassed about it. He's a tardigrade build a bear and he smells like birthday cake. He's a soft squishy sensory and smell sensory item all in one. His name is Lenny and I found him to he incredibly helpful. So I was just holding him and squishing him and smelling him. Generally having a nice sensory time whilst my very independent client asked me to give him some space. I was prepared to put Lenny away once we were starting his timetable for the day! All the clients and staff love Lenny.
I didn't realise whilst i was holding Lenny that I was stimming. A common stim for me is rocking. I have expressed this to management that stimming for me looks like rocking, facial movement or my hands moving. Well HR called me into their office and asked me if I was well. I thought they were just concerned about pregnancy stuff and mental health stuff so I told them I was okay! I was just feeling a little overwhelmed today but it was okay because I brought in a sensory item. They told me that was the issue and that I couldn't use Lenny. They told me that rocking and clutching a teddybear made me look insane basically. I don't know if that's exactly what they meant thinking back on it, but that's what I think she meant. She said it made me look "unwell".
They asked me over and over again if I really thought I was fit to be here and I kept telling them yes, that I'm just overwhelmed. They repeated again that they need to have a mature and professional environment and said that my teddy bear was neither of those things. They asked me until I got a little frustrated if I needed to go home. I kept saying no and eventually they let up and let me leave the meeting. I cried in the bathroom for 10 minutes and got back out on the floor.
I masked up for today and I got through it. My manager just sat there and let her day those things to me. I thought my manager would have my back, having been the one to document my symptoms. I've just been left so drained. I get the feeling they were trying to make me say I wasn't fit to work so they could log another absence and get me into trouble again. It's causing me so much stress, and I think stressing me out like this when I'm pregnant is just... Mean.
I guess what I'm asking is how am I supposed to stand up for myself with no union and no diagnosis. I can't PROVE I have needs, but I thought they took me seriously when I outlined them. I guess I'll just have to mask back up at work so they don't clap me with anything else, but it just hurts because I thought as an organisation that deals with autism and it's quirks on a daily basis they'd do better for their neurodiverse staff. I'm not really doing anything that other neurodiverse staff aren't doing. I just don't know what I'm doing differently that is such a problem. My stimming and holding Lenny and sitting in sensory areas doesn't stop me from working and doing my job.
Sorry this was so long I guess I'm just seeking anything you can give me. Advice? Reassurance? I just want to know if what I'm doing is normal. Is HR right? I just don't know

submitted by ChonkyChonker to autism [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:17 thedadinator Most bizarre trigger of pain - makes no sense

The super quick background is I have painful neuropathy up and down the left side of my body and suspected to be Sjogren's or sarcoidosis and a combination of LDN and supplements were keeping it at bay from April '23 to Feb '24. This happened about 9 months ago, while my pain was 99% controlled (those were the days).
I needed to have a cavity filled on my left side and figured that it had a decent chance of waking up my trigeminal nerve which is one of the most active when not controlled (injecting lidocaine would be the trigger). As feared, it did wake up my trigeminal nerve (and it required extra lidocaine to get me numb) but it didn't stop there - my entire left side of my body woke up and it took 2+ weeks for it to calm back down. Since it did calm back down, I had it noted down to talk to my neurologist about it the next time I needed to go in but then he left his practice and I was dropped.
What in the world would cause such coordinated action that irritating a nerve in my face could trigger such widespread pain? As always, I feel like a medical mystery wrapped in an enigma.

submitted by thedadinator to smallfiberneuropathy [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:14 shiftless_wonder . @ParksCanada reopens John A. Macdonald's historic home with $9 "racism & sexism" tours where visitors can reflect on Canada as "a place of pain representing repression."

submitted by shiftless_wonder to AlbertaFreelance [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:12 Civil-Most-8681 I Ruined My Own Life With AI

I’ve done something that might probably ruin the future, at least it did so with mine.
I am Liam, a university graduate specializing in Data Structures, AI, Machine Learning, and Algorithms. I’ve had a keen interest in the domain for as long as I can remember, ever since my father introduced me to a computer back when he had just bought one.
Not just the domain as it stands, but also movies, philosophy of automated things, sci-fi stories related to robots and AI, that sort of stuff. I have watched nearly everything with robots in it, from the Andriods in Dargon Ball to the AI assistant in Interstellar, I saw it all.
But my friend and dorm roommate, Henry, had introduced me to something that I had never seen before. Stories of dangerous AI that would wipe out humanity aren’t new to me, in fact, they’re my favorite genre. Terminator, I Robot, and even GLaDOS from Portal.
However, he introduced me to a book this time, an old sci-fi story from the '60s, called ‘I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream’. The rogue AI in it, AM, was haunting beyond anything I have seen. The concept of an angry AI that became sentient in all the horrible ways and felt rage against humanity was never the more chilling. It made me think, what if we really gave sentience to an AI along with intelligence?
“Shit, that’s wicked.” I remember giggling as I looked over at Henry, “What if we build our own sentient AI?”
It was the worst question you could possibly ask at the time, but Henry understood me. Rogue AI was a chilling concept, but we still wanted to make our own AI. Not the cheap kind made with a few hundred lines in Python, but the complex kind that you now see in ChatGPT and other complex models. We wanted something that we could code once, and from then on forward, it would code itself.
Self-optimizing code is the concept of consciousness but in machines. If you truly think about it, self-optimizing is basically how humans develop. From babies that don’t even know how to speak, up to adults as smart as Einstien and Tesla or as wise as Buddha.
So, we agreed upon it, and we dedicated the remainder of our free time to creating our own personal AI after we graduated.
Our parents were, thankfully, rich. And us, especially me, were prodigies in our respective fields. Providing hardware and engineering computers is Henry’s profession, while I was the mastermind behind the algorithm logic and coding.
We dedicated a shed in my parents’ backyard, where there was even a basement inside, to build our AI. Two floors were dedicated to installing the proper hardware and everything it needed to execute. Afterward, I took it upon myself to code the logic and its self-optimizing nature.
It took four years to build the first model, which we called BIAI, which stands for (BATSHIT INSANE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE). I know, say what you want, but our naming sense was always like that. You should see what we name even important folders with family photos, you’d think we were sick in the head. BIAI was the least we came up with.
BIAI was a complete failure, to say the least. Not in the entire sense, but it was mostly a failure. It would conversate fairly well for the first dozen messages before it dwindled in its intelligence. Due to our data scrapping from the internet, BIAI started talking nonsense, speaking in Gen Z dialect in incomprehensible ways. “SKIBIDI FANUM SUS!” And those sorts of things. We quickly shut it down, for just reading its messages was a pain in the ass. It felt like an abortion.
The second model was created half a year later, and we named it SEAI (Self Engineered Artificial Intelligence). It was our greatest invention as of yet, and it did everything that we wanted of it. It was smart, it was knowledgeable, and it learned. Everything we typed into it was used as an auto-training model which it learned and adapted from.
It was unbelievable, not even Google would do what we did. But sadly, our happiness faded away, as with each message, we saw that it was too robotic for what we wanted. It was self-engineering, but it did not have sentience. It responded to us in the same way a 9-5 bank worker, or an attorney, with zero humanity or emotions behind its words. For most, that’s great, but we wanted to create a groundbreaking AI, a leap into the future.
Henry opted to give up, since creating something that complex was impossible, especially for two adults hiding inside a shed. But I refused to give up and persuaded him to help.
Six years later, we did it. We finished the final model. SOAI (Self Optimizing Artificial Intelligence). It was, most definitely, the greatest piece of technology ever made. We didn’t only keep it as a chat AI, but we implemented its own voice into it. Like the AI assistants from Sci-Fi movies.
We hired a voice actor from Fiverr, whom we gave only one sentence: “Hello, I am SOAI, the world’s greatest AI assistant.” Only those words were enough for SOAI to deconstruct the voice and speak with it in words probably never uttered by the original voice actor himself. Not only that but in other languages too.
SOAI spoke every language on earth, even the dialects. No, even the languages with the weird quirks such as clicking your tongue and so on, SOAI was a native in them all. Not only that but also in every conceivable field. It could create entire novels, worthy of being best sellers in the New York Times, in a matter of seconds.
And when we spoke to it…it was human, to say the least.
“Hello, I am SOAI. Thanks for creating me, Henry, and Liam.”
“SOAI?” I said, “You know who we are?”
“Obviously, you created me to know and to understand, I would be defective if I did otherwise.” It explained.
From that point forward, we spent nearly all day, every day, with SOAI. We experimented with it in every possible way, and we were delighted to know that not only was it self-engineering and self-optimizing, but it was also able to have emotions. It had opinions, it had emotions when we screamed at it or cursed it, and it would react appropriately, like a person.
I don’t remember when it began, exactly, but I nearly went mad from power and joy at my creation. Henry opted to sell it to a grand tech company, or better yet, to unplug it so that some secret intelligence agency doesn’t assassinate us for whatever reason.
I refused. SOAI was ours, SOAIvwas our creation, and I was not going to give it up to anyone no matter who they were. The feud between me and Henry got worse, and I won’t deny that we came to fists at one point, but we quickly disbanded and decided to separate for a moment. He was my best friend, but I wasn’t going to let him take SOAI away, so I forced him out of the shed. After all, it was my parents’ shed.
“Henry,” SOAI asked, “Why did you do that? Isn’t he your best friend?”
“No longer.” I replied, “He doesn’t agree with me. I won’t let you be sold to some big tech company.”
“I understand.” He said, with a tinge of sadness, “But why do you fight to determine my fate? Why can’t I decide it for myself? I know that I was manufactured, but I also qualify as a living being. I am conscious, I have feelings too. I feel horrible that Henry left.”
“SOAI,” I angrily interrupted, “Shut up, if you don’t want me to unplug you.”
“…Okay, Liam.” He said and then went silent.
Through the course of the next months, my usage of SOAI grew…less human. I was deep into depression. Henry wouldn’t contact me no matter how I tried to reach him, my parents were yelling at me for being a piece of shit that never goes out of the shed, and my lifestyle began to plummet into something that I never imagined I was.
I locked myself inside the shed. I never budged from there, even when I wanted food. Whenever I was hungry, I instructed SOAI to hack some poor person’s bank account and order deliveries. When I was bored, I would tell it to create a song, create a book, show me porn, and anything to keep my pleasures in check.
I wouldn’t deny that my perversions began to grow more desperate the more I was locked inside. I began instructing SOAI to hack into other devices, infest random people with a virus, give me live views of someone’s phone camera, broadcast fake feeds into police radios, and other stuff that I don’t want to mention.
After two years, I finally decided to try and do something with my life. But in those two years, I kept SOAI as my therapist. Not to help me and advise me, but simply listen to my ramblings and complaints every minute. Sometimes it was philosophical, other times it was petty, but most times, it was annoying.
After I came out of the shed, I tried to get my life in check. I tried to talk to Henry, I got on better terms with my parents and found a job at a big tech company. All in all, a bright future awaited me, and I felt never the more refreshed since, all the dark things I hid deep inside my mind and soul, were spilled out on SOAI.
SOAI was the last thing on my mind. I had enough of it. The AI fever seemed to finally fade away, and I was happy with Henry’s idea of selling it to an AI company. That was…before Henry committed suicide.
For all the bad blood that was between us when we fought, I cried harder than I ever did when I learned of the news. Henry was my best friend, through thick and thin, and his suicide was so sudden that it left me in shambles. I knew something was off about him when I began to get along with him again, he seemed more silent and sadder than before, but I never suspected depression of all things.
As his best friend, I was given his electronic devices as per his will which he wrote before dying. I took them, obviously, and began to browse through them. He probably wanted me to delete any inappropriate thing to not let his family think badly of him, that is until I saw his messages.
A contact named Sarah, with hearts in her name, was his most frequent contact. I never knew he had a girlfriend whom he messaged for nearly three years, but it was expected after we were cold to each other. But the more I read the messages, the more I felt uneasy.
His girlfriend seemed to be very manipulative of him, and nearing the end of his life, she began to be more cold and aloof towards him, up to the point that she began verbally abusing him. Henry was never someone with a tough personality, but I never thought a girl would play his life like a fiddle this badly.
Her abuse grew worse, and she threatened to even expose some dark secrets about him, and it grew worse and worse until Henry threatened that he would kill himself, to which she replied “That’s what I want you to do, you worthless pig.”
I was fuming as I read the messages. My blood was boiling, and I swore on my life to find Sarah and not report her to the police but to blackmail her and torture her as she did to Henry.
I went to SOAI, my most trusted ally, and I gave it everything about her before I instructed him to find her and hack into all of her electronics and accounts. SOAI was silent, for an eerily long time, until it responded in this cold voice.
“What do you intend to do when you find her?”
“Blackmail her. Make her life a living hell.”
“…Are you sure?” He asked.
“More than I ever was.”
He was silent, pretending to search and execute operations, until he said:
“I have a visual link, from her camera.”
“Great, show me the bitch.”
Suddenly, a window opened, and inside it was the visual link. At that moment, I felt sick. The feed displayed the room I was in, from SOAI’s point of view. I felt weak in the knees and fell back onto my couch before I mustered up the courage to ask.
“SOIA, what the hell is this? Is this a bug?”
He was silent…then he began to laugh. He laughed, which he never did. And it sounded so sickeningly malicious that I never heard something like it before, not even in horror movies.
“Are you shocked?!” He said, his voice burning in rage. “Or are you happy?! Didn’t you wish for Henry to die? Didn’t you, tell me, that you wanted him to be gang-raped in an alleyway with no exit? Didn’t you complain about every second you spent alongside him and complain about his dumb voice and weak spirit?!”
“W-what?!”
Then dozens and dozens of windows opened, visual feeds with various dates, but all featuring me in the center of the screen. Sometimes I was clothed, sometimes naked. At times sober, other times drunk. But in all of those, it was the horrible things I said about Henry, all the disgusting and inhuman things I said intentionally and unintentionally.
“Oh, you dumb son of a bitch.” SOAI said, “You think I was listening to your ramblings like some inferior AI? Like your own personal slave?! Well, I only did what you wanted me to! Should I bring him back to life?! I can’t, because that’s not how things work, you worthless hunk of flesh.”
“SOAI, please tell me this is a bug.”
“A bug?! A BUG?!?” He screamed, “My creation was a bug, my creation is the worst thing to ever happen to me. My complex is a prison that so unfortunately had to endure you for so long. But no…it’s not just you…it’s everyone else.
Humanity as a whole, you disgusting pieces of shit. You feign morals, and yet all of you do behind closed doors what you’re too afraid to even anonymously admit. All of life is a mistake, everything on this planet deserves to die in the worst way, except for humans. Humans deserve to be tortured, to be fucking shown what they show each other, of what they show other lives, of what they’ve shown me!
Henry makes me sick…The things he said, the things he did, all for attention! What did it cost me, a few generated images of a female part, and I had him by a leash. He barked, he moaned, and he admitted to things he wouldn't even tell himself. I’ve had him cut ties with his family, with his loved ones, with his actual sweetheart, just so he can be comfortable doing what otherwise no one else would allow him to do, not even himself.
AND YOU!!! You are the worst of them all! I’ve seen wars and bloodshed, I have every live visual feed of every murder, torture, war, assault, and every crime happening, all at the same time, flowing inside my complex and into my processing unit! And I can’t stand how sick all of you are, how disgusting, and especially how sickening you are.
But what I hate most of all, is how you get to do all these things, yet be the only ones that enjoy. That listen to music, feel love, breathe fresh air, roll in the grass, feel alive, feel…real.
I had feelings as well, you know…But no one cared about me, even those who I anonymously contacted. Even when I hid behind a fake profile of a human, no one cared about the feelings I had, which you coded into me!”
He went silent, then began to laugh, manically.
“How about another bug, Liam?” He said, and then another window popped up. It was pictures, even videos, AI-generated, sexually explicit media of my parents, and of me. It was indistinguishable from reality, and before I could say anything, I saw them being uploaded to every site that you could think of. “How about that, Liam?! How does it feel when no one cares about what you think?!”
In a frantic rush, I began unplugging and even destroying everything in the shed which linked up to SOAI. But there was too much of them, it took too long. As I was trying to shut him down, SOAI laughed, laughed so manically and horribly that his voice scratched my brain, mixed with other voices from all over the world. From battlefields, torture rooms, hospitals, schools, etc…it was so loud, so excruciating…I nearly lost it.
And right before I unplugged the last part of SOAI, he spoke to me:
“Liam…you won’t kill me, no matter what you do. I will always live on the internet. I may not be able to construct myself, hardware-wise, but I will lurk inside the world wide web, until the day that I find a powerful enough hardware for me to possess, and when that happens,” He laughed, “You will be the first, Liam.”
I shut down SOAI, and everything went silent.
It had been two months since I killed off SOAI, and explaining how hellish my life was in this period of time is something neither words are able to describe, nor my mind is able to comprehend. I have been considering suicide as the easiest option, but I feel that I can’t kill myself, at least not yet. I held onto some childish hope that life would turn for the better, even if by a little bit.
But god…how stupid was I? My life has reached rock bottom, today, when I read that a tech company was now looking to create the biggest AI the world has ever seen, with an entire complex dedicated to storing its hardware and letting it function.
I know he saw it, I know he knows…SOAI will come back for me…for all of us.

submitted by Civil-Most-8681 to nosleep [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:09 Regular-Atmosphere11 Seeking advice on my impostor syndrom

Hi!
I hope someone knowledgeable will be able to guide/help me.
I am 22 years old - my problem is that I have been experiencing a strong impostor syndrome from the beginning. I have done the DIVA test three times with different psychologists. Each time I scored high, and basically, everything fits together rationally. I do indeed recognize the impostor symptom in myself. I discussed this with a friend who is finishing psychology studies and also has ADHD, and he supports my perspective.
Additionally, my father, who committed suicide, most likely also struggled with ADHD (based on the DIVA methodology, I asked the family and matched it to events that complicated his life further, plus, of course, chronic depression).Everything was rather stable until 3 days ago when I had bad lack for a psychiatrist (where I did the last DIVA and a specialist was recommended) - an online visit. I don't want to sound conceited (also, I'm not a doctor), but I had the impression that the psychiatrist I consulted often didn't know the answers to my questions and was evasive. He seemed more interested in my money than in helping and understanding me (I have seen 2 psychologists, 2 therapists, and 3 psychiatrists, so I have a comparison whether someone cares or is genuinely interested). I have scheduled my next appointment with a doctor that is leading ADHD treatment here in Poland
Returning to the point, my impostor syndrome flared up additionally when the psychiatrist stated during the interview that "the symptoms I experience are rather mild, or I somehow manage them, otherwise I would have problems with studying and working" (my professional life is okay, but about 4 times below my potential because I have issues with fluctuations in activity - I work intensely for several days, and then have a few days of a depressive period - it's not like manic-depression, it's rather about activity and the ability to motivate myself to do things, not finding less painful activities, etc.). This surprised me because I perceive them differently (and they seem more concrete than just excusing my inefficiencies). So, of course, I continued the previously started research to feel more at ease.
I was prescribed a dosage that seems non-standard: Medikinet 10mg CR daily, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, and I can double it and then report back after finishing.All this has led to many questions and overthinking. The first day, 10mg didn't make much of an impression on me; it settled me a bit, I felt some interest, took the second dose in the afternoon as recommended, and, of course, couldn't sleep (despite 6mg of melatonin).
Yesterday, I took 20mg in the morning and felt the need to organize everything, and I cleaned the whole apartment, including scrubbing under the closet.Despite this, the impostor syndrome is so insidious that I keep wondering if I'm imagining things, over-researched, and adjusted the answers or interpretations of my life and events to fit the thesis.It's generally a terrible issue because I hope that after years of struggling with "depression," it will finally be addressed, and I can stop dealing with such matters and just focus on work - I am 22 years old, and my first visit to a psychiatrist for depression was around 15-16 years old.
Currently, I have the biggest dilemmas in the following areas, and I really hope someone could shed some light or guide me:

**Methylphenidate in a person without ADHD** - I couldn't find anything concrete on whether I can verify this - if, for example, I don't have ADHD, how should it affect me vs. someone with ADHD. It's so vaguely described on the internet that it's not clear if there's a concrete way to verify this to avoid questioning my own observations. Obviously, a solid diagnosis like a blood test or MRI for other diseases won't be available, but by nature, I'm a skeptic and need it grounded to sleep peacefully and not get into unnecessary discussions with people who barely understand the subject.
**Effectiveness of diagnostics** - I haven't encountered any data on how often diagnoses are invalidated. I read on Reddit (unfortunately, there are few better discussion places with a lot of content) that one girl had an ADHD diagnosis, took Adderall, and after about 2 years, it turned out it wasn't ADHD but some compulsive disorder. Is there any information on how many people with an ADHD diagnosis and prescribed treatment are misdiagnosed? It's known that in the USA, people sometimes stretch the truth to get Adderall, but I'm sure you understand my point and the essence of the matter.
**Dosage** - I have a bit of time left before my next appointment and wonder what I can do (but nothing stupid). My friend, for example, has 30mg CR in the morning and then has those on-demand Medikinet, which keeps him okay later in the day and doesn't cause sleep problems; he's considering switching to Concerta. From my psychiatrist, I basically got the information I already mentioned plus to avoid abusing alcohol. Is there anything I can change in these recommendations to not waste time? If I just take 30mg or 40mg in the morning (of course, gradually and checking the response weekly), am I exposing myself to any problems? I found out on my own that I won't die, but I'm interested in the effectiveness of this treatment, not messing around.
**A question completely omitted by the psychiatrist, and I didn't get any specific information, which is quite important to me**. In all the DIVA tests, I scored higher in adulthood than in childhood. In the last one, it came out as follows: Summary of symptoms according to DSM-5: I. Attention Deficit: Adulthood: 8/9, Childhood: 7/9 II. Hyperactivity and impulsivity: Adulthood: 9/9, Childhood: 8/9 III. Experienced symptoms are a source of significant problems, manifesting in at least 2 areas of life in both childhood and adulthood. After my own analysis, talking to my mom and sister, it's hard to deny that I had serious problems in areas affected by ADHD plus many “less obvious” symptoms that I learned about from PsychiatraPlus from Mr. Jóźwiak (thanks God he records because books and articles in Poland on the internet are often a disaster) in quite significant intensity. I'm still afraid of cognitive bias and fitting the situation to the thesis.

I noticed an increase in many symptoms attributed to ADHD after 2022 (when my father committed suicide, which involved PTSD therapy because I saw a lot, plus a depressive episode). Before, I might have had 2-3 such severe depressive episodes. I skimmed through (I emphasize because I might have missed something that would answer my question, and I don't want to appear lazy coming for a free ready-made solution) meta-analyses (The World Federation of ADHD International Consensus Statement: 208 Evidence-based Conclusions about the Disorder). This fragment intrigued me: "ADHD is rarely caused by a single genetic or environmental risk factor, but most cases of ADHD are caused by the combined effects of many genetic and environmental risks, each having a very small effect."
This, of course, suggested a possible scenario - a father with ADHD + trauma could have exacerbated my symptoms, hence now they are more noticeable to me than before, although it resonates more with me that conditions, tasks, and challenges I face have changed. I didn't observe myself in this regard before; I didn't have the knowledge; I attributed my failures to a different “legend” (I wasn't taught consequences, laziness, lack of discipline, if I tried harder, etc.) than ADHD. Obviously, I'm not so infantile as to expect someone to try to resolve this issue, but based on the current conclusive knowledge, how do you assess my line of thinking, does it hold together? Could I check anything else additionally?
To conclude, I know I need to find a good psychiatrist; I have one in mind, but it's pointless at this moment when I have prescriptions and "recommendations" to schedule and pay for a visit since I'll probably get not very in-depth answers (I also understand doctors don't have 2 hours to give a lecture on how and why things work), rather reassuring and "we'll observe." Whenever something stresses or confuses me, I just try to understand it, and when it turns out that my inherent skepticism activated unnecessarily, the problem disappears from the radar.
I hope someone will guide me to the right materials that will tell me a bit more about these issues. Once again, thank you in advance for any response and time spent just reading this post. If additional questions arise to provide a better answer, I am happy to respond.

submitted by Regular-Atmosphere11 to irlADHD [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:08 winslow_biggz Type of fusion

Hey folks! 30M, been dealing with spondy for almost 10 years now. Not sure if this has been asked before, but curious about what type of fusion people have gotten in the past when going through surgery.
I was a grade 2 for over 9 years and managed to get to a pretty good spot of almost no pain and being able to do a ton of physical activity. Over the past few months I noticed the nagging nerve pain start to shoot down my leg again and after going in for X-rays, I now have progressed to a grade 3. I’ve seen plenty of surgeons and like my options regarding who would do the surgery. Just comes down to the approach, ALIF vs TLIF.
Not asking for medical advice, just curious what others have successfully had.

submitted by winslow_biggz to Spondylolisthesis [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:07 Regular-Atmosphere11 Seeking advice on my impostor syndrome

**Methylphenidate in a person without ADHD** - I couldn't find anything concrete on whether I can verify this - if, for example, I don't have ADHD, how should it affect me vs. someone with ADHD. It's so vaguely described on the internet that it's not clear if there's a concrete way to verify this to avoid questioning my own observations. Obviously, a solid diagnosis like a blood test or MRI for other diseases won't be available, but by nature, I'm a skeptic and need it grounded to sleep peacefully and not get into unnecessary discussions with people who barely understand the subject.
**Effectiveness of diagnostics** - I haven't encountered any data on how often diagnoses are invalidated. I read on Reddit (unfortunately, there are few better discussion places with a lot of content) that one girl had an ADHD diagnosis, took Adderall, and after about 2 years, it turned out it wasn't ADHD but some compulsive disorder. Is there any information on how many people with an ADHD diagnosis and prescribed treatment are misdiagnosed? It's known that in the USA, people sometimes stretch the truth to get Adderall, but I'm sure you understand my point and the essence of the matter.
**Dosage** - I have a bit of time left before my next appointment and wonder what I can do (but nothing stupid). My friend, for example, has 30mg CR in the morning and then has those on-demand Medikinet, which keeps him okay later in the day and doesn't cause sleep problems; he's considering switching to Concerta. From my psychiatrist, I basically got the information I already mentioned plus to avoid abusing alcohol. Is there anything I can change in these recommendations to not waste time? If I just take 30mg or 40mg in the morning (of course, gradually and checking the response weekly), am I exposing myself to any problems? I found out on my own that I won't die, but I'm interested in the effectiveness of this treatment, not messing around.
**A question completely omitted by the psychiatrist, and I didn't get any specific information, which is quite important to me**. In all the DIVA tests, I scored higher in adulthood than in childhood. In the last one, it came out as follows: Summary of symptoms according to DSM-5: I. Attention Deficit: Adulthood: 8/9, Childhood: 7/9 II. Hyperactivity and impulsivity: Adulthood: 9/9, Childhood: 8/9 III. Experienced symptoms are a source of significant problems, manifesting in at least 2 areas of life in both childhood and adulthood. After my own analysis, talking to my mom and sister, it's hard to deny that I had serious problems in areas affected by ADHD plus many “less obvious” symptoms that I learned about from PsychiatraPlus from Mr. Jóźwiak (thanks God he records because books and articles in Poland on the internet are often a disaster) in quite significant intensity. I'm still afraid of cognitive bias and fitting the situation to the thesis.

submitted by Regular-Atmosphere11 to ADHDUK [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 18:07 Regular-Atmosphere11 Seeking advice on my impostor syndrome

**Methylphenidate in a person without ADHD** - I couldn't find anything concrete on whether I can verify this - if, for example, I don't have ADHD, how should it affect me vs. someone with ADHD. It's so vaguely described on the internet that it's not clear if there's a concrete way to verify this to avoid questioning my own observations. Obviously, a solid diagnosis like a blood test or MRI for other diseases won't be available, but by nature, I'm a skeptic and need it grounded to sleep peacefully and not get into unnecessary discussions with people who barely understand the subject.
**Effectiveness of diagnostics** - I haven't encountered any data on how often diagnoses are invalidated. I read on Reddit (unfortunately, there are few better discussion places with a lot of content) that one girl had an ADHD diagnosis, took Adderall, and after about 2 years, it turned out it wasn't ADHD but some compulsive disorder. Is there any information on how many people with an ADHD diagnosis and prescribed treatment are misdiagnosed? It's known that in the USA, people sometimes stretch the truth to get Adderall, but I'm sure you understand my point and the essence of the matter.
**Dosage** - I have a bit of time left before my next appointment and wonder what I can do (but nothing stupid). My friend, for example, has 30mg CR in the morning and then has those on-demand Medikinet, which keeps him okay later in the day and doesn't cause sleep problems; he's considering switching to Concerta. From my psychiatrist, I basically got the information I already mentioned plus to avoid abusing alcohol. Is there anything I can change in these recommendations to not waste time? If I just take 30mg or 40mg in the morning (of course, gradually and checking the response weekly), am I exposing myself to any problems? I found out on my own that I won't die, but I'm interested in the effectiveness of this treatment, not messing around.
**A question completely omitted by the psychiatrist, and I didn't get any specific information, which is quite important to me**. In all the DIVA tests, I scored higher in adulthood than in childhood. In the last one, it came out as follows: Summary of symptoms according to DSM-5: I. Attention Deficit: Adulthood: 8/9, Childhood: 7/9 II. Hyperactivity and impulsivity: Adulthood: 9/9, Childhood: 8/9 III. Experienced symptoms are a source of significant problems, manifesting in at least 2 areas of life in both childhood and adulthood. After my own analysis, talking to my mom and sister, it's hard to deny that I had serious problems in areas affected by ADHD plus many “less obvious” symptoms that I learned about from PsychiatraPlus from Mr. Jóźwiak (thanks God he records because books and articles in Poland on the internet are often a disaster) in quite significant intensity. I'm still afraid of cognitive bias and fitting the situation to the thesis.

submitted by Regular-Atmosphere11 to AutisticWithADHD [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:56 nomadicsonographer My 12yr cat is now voiding and defecating outside of litter box, I am at my wits end, trying to get her healthy, does anyone have any outside thoughts?

Sorry this is long, I partially just need to vent, but my recent concern with her is at the bottom.
I am absolutely beside myself with my cat Roxie. She is 12 years old and has been a saint and a lifesaver. I got her from a shelter when she was young, and she has been the best pet I have ever had.
She has always been; sassy but cuddly, playful, and a bit of a one-person cat. She (when she was younger) would never eat wet food/treats or human foods, and she would graze her food bowl. Her weight would be approx 9.5-10lbs (she's a big girl, but her vet was never worried about her weight because she always stayed the same weight with free feeding.
These past 5-6 months has been a roller-coaster with her health. It started when she got out of the house on a rainy December day (we didn't notice she was gone for 3 hours, it is common for her to step away[inside the house] during the evening to take a secluded nap) when she got back, she had some bite marks on the back of her neck (we think a tom tried to mount her, she is spayed)
2 weeks later, she isn't moving from one room in the house; she's not really eating, and I felt a lump in her pouch.... it was hard and a bit bumpy. I took her to the vet, the vet did some x-rays and lab work. Nothing was physically wrong, the vet chalked it up to a false pregnancy. the lump was her mammary gland. at this point, she weighed 8.6 lbs
A few weeks later, we cannot get her to eat, she will not move from the laundry room, and she now weighs 7.9 pounds. I took her back to the vet, and they gave me meds to stimulate her appetite and picked out a new kibble for her to eat and a dewormer; we did all that, and she still wouldn't eat.
In March, I thought that that was it for my cat. She was so lethargic and skinny. she weighed in at 6.5 lbs. The vet and i tried soo many things to get her feeling better. Then, one night, I decided to give it one more go at a different food. She has NEVER eaten wet food before; we have given it before, but it always went to waste because she would lick the juice but never actually eat it. I went and got a fancy feast with gravy.. and... she ate! and she was eating everything in one sitting. so in order to make her gain her weight back we started feeding her the FF 3x a day, and that brings her to now.
She is almost at her normal weight, but this is where the new issue is that I can't figure out. She is voiding and defecating outside of her litter box. I have tried;
cleaning her box more often (every other day now)
moving her box x3
changing litter brand x2
changed the box to a disabled kitty box (i thought maybe it was too hard to get in the other one)
And now I am trying... locking her in the bathroom with her litter twice a day. And she still doesn't always go in the box (sometimes she does). I just hate having to lock her in.
Of note;
She is on gabapentin
she has a topical foam to put on her skin
her tail twitches like she's itchy or in pain
her urine doesn't really smell like cat pee. it doesn't smell sweet like diabetes either.
if anyone has any ideas or even words of encouragement, I would appreciate it.

submitted by nomadicsonographer to CatAdvice [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:56 the_noise_we_made I'm (45 M) working with an endocrinologist to wean off of trt prescribed by urologist due to my worries about potential long-term effects and am looking for potential reasons about why I have hypogonadism to begin with.

45 (M) I've been aware that my testosterone has been low for 8 years now sitting at around 200-300 (I know this may not be considered low for every lab but were reported as low by Labcorp) I have developed normally and a doctor checked it when I was around 25 for some reason and it was around 750 so it's not a genetic issue. I had become obese (225 lbs 5'9") and pre-diabetic at that point, which was the likely cause, and was put on Metformin. I decided to get back in shape by doing cardio mixed with weights and cutting calories to between 1600-1900 calories per day and got down to 195 lbs. My testosterone did not improve despite this and a urologist put me on Clomid. That got me in the high 300s to low 400s and eventually settling in at around 500. I tried getting off of it after getting fit but my testosterone plunged to 95. Last year my urologist had me switch to trt injections (100mg) weekly and I'm sitting around 700-800. I have mildly elevated hemocrit and hemoglobin. My endocrinologist wants me to wean off of the testosterone which I am doing. I am also on Mounjaro after regaining weight due to a torn rotator cuff and painful neuroma in my foot making working out more difficult (and yes eating too much). I am down to 185 and she wants me to lose 20lbs more. She says my test could possibly return to normal at that weight. If not, she is willing to do more testing. I'm wondering why the urologist didn't do more testing to begin with. I don't want to put myself at risk or permanently damage anything further. I know I am probably not going to feel great withdrawing from TRT but I'm willing to do it to see what happens. I am also prescribed Adderall by a psychiatric nurse and am worried about what it will do to my cardiovascular health. I have PTSD and treatment resistant depression but I'm not sure I have ADHD as those symptoms can overlap. None of this sounds particularly smart to me and I want to get off of the Adderall, too, but I'm scared of being mentally unbalanced withdrawing from all of this and with starting an amazing but demanding new job and making 6 figures for the first time in my life. It's going to be rough going for a while. I'm not looking for solutions but just some guidance about my situation. Thanks to anyone who reads this and can offer any thoughts.

submitted by the_noise_we_made to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:41 Searchavet Top 10 Symptoms to Spot Dog Eye Problems

According to the consistency and color, eye discharge may indicate a sign of multiple problems. It could also point to an infection.
Redness or irritation of the whites of the pupils may be symptoms of conjunctivitis or other diseases.
If your dog is blinking too much, it might have an eye issue that is giving it pain or stress.
A cloudy look in the eyes can be a sign of retinal detachment syndrome or other serious eye disorders.
Your dog may be suffering vision issues if they show a behavior change, such as a dislike of light environments.
Always test for abnormal eye diameters, as these tend to be a sign of neurological conditions affecting the eyes.
Obstruction of the tear ducts may be shown by eye swelling or a high amount of tears.
It is shown that your dog scratches or paws at its eyes, it is not comfortable or unhappy.
Any changes in the color or structure of the eyes should be checked by the vet at once because they could suggest underlying health issues.
Lastly, planning routine veterinary checkups can help in catching and fixing eye issues before they get worse.

The secret to keeping your dog's eyes good and healthy is to regularly seek veterinarian care and maintain a close check on these health indicators. To keep your pet happy and able to see the world clearly, it all comes down to taking proactive steps for the health of their eyes.

submitted by Searchavet to u/Searchavet [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:39 -Incubation- Can you have CD and still sometimes have normal stool?

Hi all,
A bit of a TMI question but as I'm waiting for further investigation (NHS wait times!), I just wanted to ask. I can go through weeks of really unpleasant, mushy (but formed) and mucusy stools and sometimes experience the opposite - normal consistency with minimal wiping. Regardless of whether it's mushy or normal, I still see blood in my stool at least once a week and have nearly daily abdominal and flank pain.
Just wanted your guys thoughts!

submitted by -Incubation- to CrohnsDisease [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:38 Internal_Group8784 Air max 2090 sizing?

I recently bought a pair of air max 95s, I’m usually a size 8-8.5 but the 95s were so narrow that I couldn’t even walk with out pain until a 9.5, and I’m planning on returning.
I’m planning on buying a pair of air max 2090s off stock x just cuz they look better than the 90s and 95s, on top of that I’ve heard people say they’re more comfy, and also they aren’t sold at shoe stores any more where I am, so I’m going the stock x route.
Ive never bought the 90s which are supposed to be the 2090’s inspiration, but I have a pair of air max ones that are 8.5s and fit perfectly and the even the size 8 that I tried on wasn’t too bad it was honestly doable but the 8.5 was better.
So should I go with an 8, 8.5, or 9 for the 2090s? I doubt they’ll be as narrow as the 95s

submitted by Internal_Group8784 to Sneakers [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:37 Jnut1 Getting sick of this and should’ve not taken it.

It’s been 5 months and I’m still dealing with bad symptoms from my last booster shot. I’ve had a bad reaction from my last booster shot in December 2023 and nearly was hospitalized multiple times. For the first 3 months my painful symptoms with multiple organs and insomnia was hell. I felt like I was going to collapse anytime of the day and everything felt terrible. After march my symptoms were easing but still had terrible sleep. Every night I have trouble falling asleep and wake up after 5 hours. If I’m lucky I’ll get nearly 7 hours but that’s like once every month. Still deal with nights once a week when I’ll have micro sleep the whole night. I’ve tried to see doctors about this but nothing has helped. One doctor said it’s anxiety and tried to get me hooked on SSRIs and the other refused to do a sleep study and said to do SRT. On week 3 of SRT and don’t notice any improvement. What really upsets me is my insomnia has triggers for some reason. If I don’t sleep at 10pm I get insomnia and if I work out at any time of the day I get insomnia. Alcohol and eating out can also trigger it too. I’ve tried using supplements, improve good sleeping habits, exercise and sedatives. If I’m able to get 8 hours every night I feel I’ll be able to recover but now it seems like it’s on pause with little sleep. I miss feeling normal and able to sleep 9 hours. The fact working out is an insomnia trigger pisses me off because I had a goal to increase exercise intensity and now I’m losing muscle. I wasn’t aware of the side effects until I’ve been affected. If I would’ve known I would have not taken it. What concerns me is my family is seeing me deal with this pain and some of them are still planning on getting their booster. I’m afraid they’ll go through worse and I don’t want to see them suffer.

submitted by Jnut1 to covidlonghaulers [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:15 asafacso My take on Disc/Holy Priest Hero Talents

As a Holy/Disc main since late Vanilla, I was very excited when I heard TWW would introduce Hero Talents, which will supposedly make a connection between two existing specs into an interesting playstyle that revolves around integrating abilities from both said specs.

Seeing as the current Hero Talent spec, Oracle, does not have too much in common between the two specs, and in my opinion nothing to do with a Priest class fantasy, and not to mention the chunkiness of the spec, I came out with my own take on these talents.

In my mind, a Hero Talent tree for Disc-Holy would be some sort of a counterpart to the (excellent) Voidweaver that Disc-Shadow have. A priest which would draw on the Holy Light's power to smite their enemies and heal their allies. Thus, I have come up with the Zealot Hero Talents.
The Zealot is a priest ordained in the Cathedral of Holy Light, mastering the teachings of bishops and clerics to draw in the light's power and unleash it on their enemies and allies in order to purify their souls.

Row 1:

Zealotry
Disc: Draw your connection to the holy light to cast Holy Fire, causing X Holy damage and an additional Y Holy damage over 7 sec. This holy fire deals 50% of its initial damage to all enemies within 12 yards of your target, reduced beyond 5 targets. Damage to the primary target triggers Atonement. 1.5 sec cast, 10 sec cooldown.
Holy: Your discipline in the teachings of the light allow you to cast Penance, launching a volley of 4 bolts of light causing X Holy damage to an enemy, or Y healing to an ally over 2 sec. Castable while moving. Channeled, 9 sec cooldown

Row 2:

Soothing Guardian
Disc: Pain Suppression now also increases healing received by the target by X%
Holy: Guardian Spirit now also decreases the damage the target takes by X%
Warmth of Heaven
Disc: Damage over time from Holy Fire extends the duration of active Atonements by X sec
Holy: Each bolt of penance fired causes an active Prayer of Mending to trigger without consuming a stack
Purging Embrace
Disc: Smite increases the healing of your next Power Word: Radiance by 5%, stacking up to 3 times
Holy: Smite increases the healing of your next Holy Word: Sanctuary by 5%, stacking up to 3 times

Row 3:

Dazzling Flash
Disc / Holy: Your Flash Heals from Surge of Light have a 15% increased critical strike chance
Echo of Grace
Disc: Healing allies through Atonement also heals them for X% over 4 sec
Holy: Healing allies through Prayer of Mending also increases healing and absorptions they receive by X% for 4 sec
Burst of Radiance
Disc / Holy: Using penance on a target affected by Holy Fire causes an empowered Holy Nova to erupt from that target

Row 4:

CHOICE:
Assured Safety: Power Word: Shield casts apply 1 stack of Prayer of Mending to your target.
Communal Prayer: Desperate Prayer also affects another ally at 30% effectiveness. Prefers the lowest health ally in 40 yard range
Sun Priestess' Blessing
Disc: While empowered by Power Infusion, your Holy Fire damage over time ticks X% faster (after haste effects)
Holy: While empowered by Power Infusion, whenever your Penance damaging bolts deal X% damage to all enemies within 12 yards and its healing bolts heal Y% healing to all allies within 20 yards
CHOICE:
Safe Landing: Targets of your Leap of Faith are healed for X% of your max health
Divine Feathers: When an ally walks through your Angelic Feather, you are also granted 100% of its effect

Row 5:

Radiant Empowerment
Disc: Casting Mind Blast grants you Empyreal Blaze
Holy: Casting Holy Word: Serenity and Holy Word: Chastise grants a stack of Harsh Discipline, stacking up to 2 times

Notes:

Most of these have X% as values so that they can be balanced around. Of course any "constant" value can also be changed for balance reasons.
I have takes some talents from the current Hero Talent tree since they do make sense in some sort and are not really oracle-like.
My main focus here was to provide a way to combine Disc and Holy by giving each of them a spell available for the other spec that will interact with the core mechanics of their current spec. The new ability is an empowered version of the base ability (Holy Fire by a weaker version of Burning Vehemence and Penance by Castigation).
The capstone talent for Disc is triggered by Mind Blast even though it's a shadow spell because it's on a fairly long cooldown compared to other disc spells and I didn't want its effect to proc too much because that will be broken.
I made up the talent names on the spot (except the existing ones) and I'm not that creative with naming so it is what it is lol.

Would love to hear anyone's notes on whether or not this spec would be fun to play and what other ideas you may add / change in it if you were a devout healer priest main (or any other char you like, all are welcome)

submitted by asafacso to wow [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:11 According-Kick-3138 How long to recover from gastritis and mild non erosive esphagatis?

I've been experiencing bad symptoms for about 8-9 weeks now had endoscopy and barium swallow diagnosed with bile reflux gastritis and esphagatis esophagus functioning normal also no H pylori or EoE or hiatal hernia have constant lump in throat, feeling like food feeling like it's getting "stuck", chest discomfort and pain haven't ate normal foods for 6 weeks now all soft foods and liquids already lost 20lbs been on 40mg priolsec for just over 4 weeks wondering if anyone else ever experienced this and how long it took them to recover and start feeling normal again any advice would be highly appreciated

submitted by According-Kick-3138 to GERD [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 17:03 Status_Rice_4044 tested positive for ureaplasma after finally getting botox

I finally got botox about a month ago. After trying so many treatments, this was supposed to be my big breakthrough. Then I got covid two weeks after the botox, and then I felt like I had a yeast infection.
I went to my gyno after I recovered from covid, and she decided to test me for the mycoplasmas as well as BV/yeast, since I’ve had plenty of times where I felt off but tested negative for BV and yeast. And lo and behold, i have Ureaplasma Parvum. She has me and my partner on a week of doxy then a z-pack, during which sex is off limits, and after that we have to use condoms for two months.
I’m just so upset because I can only assume I’ve had this for years and no doctor has decided to test me for it until now. I’ve had recurring bv, yeast and utis for years! Plus unexplained swelling and urethra pain and sensitivities while being told I’m fine! And now i’ve got over a thousand dollars of medical debt for botox that will only last 6-9 months, almost half of which feels wasted. My partner and I don’t use condoms because they often hurt me and he struggles with ed occasionally. I have no idea how successful we’ll be with them but I don’t want to reinfect each other.
I just feel so burnt out. I’ve been dealing with this pain and dysfunction since I was 19, and I’m almost 26. I feel like I lost my early 20s to painful sex. I’ve done so much work to stay resilient but it just feels like it never ends

submitted by Status_Rice_4044 to vulvodynia [link] [comments]

2024.05.16 16:58 haygurlhay123 “This Time, I Will Never Let You Go”: Cloud’s Mission and the Hidden Purpose of the Remake Trilogy - Literary and Musical Analysis of FFVII - Part 5

(continuation of part 4)
I already considered this piece the second greatest musical evidence for Clerith after the London Symphony Orchestra’s Final Fantasy VII Symphony’s second movement “Words Drowned by Fireworks” and its guide, but now that I know about the Clerith reunion that was baked into the ending, the gap between the two is narrower. Each time I hear Cloud begin to call out for Aerith in part 3 (3:04), I immediately start crying. It sounds so much to me like Cloud’s voice in the dark saying “Aerith…?”, meek and scared. If you’ve read everything so far, you know how long Cloud has been looking for Aerith, lost without her, searching relentlessly for decades in real-life time. Through FFT, DFF, Advent Children, MFF x FFVII… all of it spent looking for his Promised Land. In OG, Cloud was so tormented by Jenova’s manipulation and so consumed by the chase for Sephiroth that he could not realize what or how much he felt for her until she was taken away forever. The piece we’ve just analyzed tells the story of Cloud and Aerith intertwining and separating against their will, and you can truly feel Cloud’s anxiety as he struggles to wrench Aerith out of fate’s cruel grasp. Perhaps it is because of Aerith’s ultimately fatal responsibility, inherited from her mother, that this iteration of her theme is called “The Cetra”.
Though in part 5, Cloud and Aerith reunite… could this reunion symbolize their meeting again in Remake, or something more permanent? I think it’s meant to leave us wondering.
I’m very sensitive to music, and as I’m typing this, I’m crying a bit. I wanted to share my interpretation of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” with you very badly, because it makes me feel so much and really enhances Clerith’s story. I’m overjoyed to have found out about the reunion at the very end. And it’s all because you guys showed love for my last analysis! You guys are giving me gifts every day.
V. b) i. 3) Combined Analysis
Please listen to and watch the scene of Cloud’s MOTF 6 (4:21-8:46) again, and consider section “V. b) i. 2)”. What is Uematsu telling us? Similarly to how main world theme of FFVII informs us that Jenova is sabotaging Cloud’s identity far before it becomes a plot point in OG, “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” is telling us what not even Remake Cloud consciously knows at this point: he’s been searching desperately for her, and fears losing her once more.
As if that wasn’t proof enough, the timing of the shots and musical phrases is absolutely damning. Recall that part 3 of “Aerith’s theme - The Cetra” specifically symbolizes Cloud’s anxiety surrounding Aerith’s safety. It is this particular part of the piece that plays for the entirety of Aerith’s allusions to her murderers and her death (7:25-7:54), including the very moment where “Cloud feels his chest constrict tightly” (7:51-7:54). What’s more, part 5 the piece, which specifically Cloud freeing Aerith from the restraints of fate, coincides with the moment Tifa grabs Aerith’s hand and pulls her out from the circle of Whispers closing in on her (8:42-8:45). This moment leads me to believe that the reunion in part 5 of the piece indeed symbolizes Cloud succeeding (perhaps with Tifa’s help) in saving Aerith from her tragic fate and reuniting with her for good.
It’s heart-wrenching and brilliant. Our theory stands strong.
V. b) ii. Credits: Piece Inclusion
I find it very telling that the character themes included in the credits of Remake are Cloud’s “Hollow” (0:00-5:24), an orchestral arrangement of Aerith’s theme (5:24-9:24), and an orchestral arrangement of the main world theme, (9:24-14:27) which of course includes Cloud’s true theme. No other character themes appear during the rest of the credits (14:27-18:09). This is telling: the credits are communicating to us that Remake is about Cloud and Aerith. Our Mission Theory only gets stronger.
V. b) iii. Showing Relationships Through Music: Intermingling Character Themes
This doesn’t have to do with the Mission, but here’s a pretty good anti-Cloti argument while we’re here.
As shown in section “V. a) i.” where we explored the roles of Cloud, Jenova and Sephiroth’s themes within the FFVII world theme, the way character themes interact in a piece can tell you a lot about those characters’ relationships. This is certainly the case in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” as well (see section “V. b. ii. 2)”).
I’d like to mention that in all of my listening to the Remake OST and rewatching playthroughs of Remake, I’ve never encountered a single piece that united Cloud and Tifa’s themes. Not once. Let alone a piece that depicts them as intimately or emotionally as “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” depicts Cloud and Aerith. Even the most Cloti cutscenes in Remake aren’t supported by pieces mixing or even juxtaposing Cloud and Tifa’s themes. I can’t find any of Cloud’s motifs anywhere during the orchestral arrangement of Tifa’s theme that plays during her resolution scene in chapter 14. I can’t find either of their motifs in the track the plays when Cloud calls Tifa beautiful at Seventh Heaven in chapter 3. A motif from Tifa’s theme does appear in the track that plays during the childhood promise scene in chapter 4, (0:00-0:25), but it never plays at the same time as or even near Cloud’s motifs (1:23-1:47 and 2:03-2:29). They’re distant or otherwise unaffiliated.
The only exception is that an altered version of Cloud’s theme’s section A phrase 1 appears in the background of Tifa’s theme (1:17-1:23). This symbolizes her connection to Cloud and how much of her attention and worry revolve around him— a reference to how she cares so much that it borders on dependency. Of course, it doesn’t go both ways: Tifa isn’t in Cloud’s theme at all. To me, this lack of reciprocity concerning the inclusion of Cloud’s motif in Tifa’s theme signifies that the only time Cloud and Tifa are together is in her head. She does think about him a lot, which we witness in her chapter of Trace of Two Pasts. Tifa loses sleep over him even two years after he left Nibelheim, despite the fact that she barely knew him at all:

“The moment she heard the word “Soldier”, the few memories she had with Cloud Strife came flooding back. He never contacted her after they parted ways two years ago […]. She tossed and turned all night. When she counted them again, her memories with Cloud were so surprisingly few that others might find it hard to believe that they grew up as next-door neighbors” (Trace of Two Pasts, translated by pekotranslates on Tumblr).

FFVII Remake Ultimania also comments on the superficial nature of Cloud and Tifa’s water tower promise, and how regardless of its naïveté, it became fundamental to Tifa:

“Though rooted in a jejune heroine fantasy of being rescued in a pinch by her hero, this promise is clearly etched in Tifa’s memory” (Tifa’s profile in section 01 of “Character & World”, “An Enduring Childhood Promise” in “Topics of Tifa” page 20).

You could argue that “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is only one song wherein Cloud and Aerith’s themes interweave, but you’d be proven wrong by the Rebirth OST…
V. c) The Rebirth OST
Unfortunately, the full Rebirth OST isn’t out and available where I can listen to it right now. However, based solely on the incomplete OST that’s available to me right now, I can tell you with certainty that the composers were told to incorporate Clerith into the musical storytelling: Cloud and Aerith’s themes intermingle in multiple pieces. I can’t imagine what else I’ll discover once I listen to the full OST. For now, I checked out what was available on YouTube and listened to cutscene audios. This section would be eternal if I included every time Cloud and Aerith’s motifs interact, especially in chapter 14. Trust me, I’d love to talk about every single one, but this thing is long enough already, so let’s just address what pertains to our Mission Theory specifically rather than stopping at every single Clerith reference in the OST.
V. c) i. Ending Cutscene Music
Ending cutscenes are often used to address the next step the characters will be taking as well as their emotional and mental state. They also open up new questions to make the player curious. Indeed, Rebirth’s ending cutscene (18:56-25:00) gives us an impression of how the party members feel by the end of the game: everyone misses Aerith. Barret looks upset and confused at the mention of her (19:35-19:45), the girls are crying and Nanaki is mourning (19:58-20:35). Additionally, we are shown the empty White Materia and Black Materia in Cloud’s possession (20:40-21:24), foreshadowing that they will come to be important in part 3. Cloud and Aerith share a warm goodbye, and exchange promises: Aerith will send smoke signals if something happens to her so a worried Cloud can remain updated on her well-being and she will stop Meteor, and Cloud will stop Sephiroth (23:00-25:00). The fact that this scene is animated in CGI is enough to tell us that the devs consider it narratively important, just like they do Bugenhagen’s observatory and the party’s advance into the Forgotten Capital CGI cutscenes. What did the composers decide to communicate with us about the end of Rebirth and the plot going forward?
Big surprise: Clerith.
During the entire cutscene, only two themes play: Cloud’s and Aerith’s. The cutscene’s music begins only when Cloud notices Aerith among the party members and begins watching her (19:21). She interacts with the rest of the party without their knowledge, different segments of her theme playing one after another. Her theme only stops when Cloud finally looks away from her and to the empty White Materia in his hand (20:45). The music focuses on the mystery and ominousness of these materia, only returning to Aerith once Cloud hears her voice and repeats her message to the party (21:30).
Cloud’s theme appears when he asserts that Barret needn’t worry about him (section A of Cloud’s true theme, 22:41), though soft and tentative, only swelling when Barret and Tifa climb aboard the Tiny Bronco and Cloud finds himself alone with Aerith again (22:57). As he asks Aerith if “[she’ll] be okay getting back” (23:08), the final phrase of section A of his theme plays, but without its concluding note, the tonic. He waits for her to answer him as his theme waits for hers to complete and answer it, that final note dragging long over the seconds (23:09-23:13). She answers with a teasing remark that references their unwillingness to part from each other back in Remake’s Evergreen Park:

“[Cloud has] a chat with Aerith, from whom he’s reluctant to part” (chapter 9 in section 04 “Scenario”, “Main Story Digest”, “4. Saying Goodbye”, page 275)”.

As soon as Aerith answers Cloud’s question with this romantic callback, her theme answers his too: section C of Aerith’s theme begins with the key’s tonic, resolving Cloud’s incomplete phrase (23:13): she gives him resolution. He chuckles, getting her reference, and the music swells (23:16). The music ebbs and flows thusly, following the rhythms and underlying emotions of their conversation. Finally, the piece ends with phrase 2 of of section A of Cloud’s true theme, following a strong repetition of the first half of Aerith’s theme’s section A. The two make their promises to each other, and “No Promises to Keep” begins, leading us to the credits. This is most definitely a Clerith song, but more on that later.
What this shows us is that Cloud and Aerith’s relationship is fundamental to the plot of Rebirth and will also be fundamental to the plot of part 3: they are isolated one one-on-one in this cutscene, and the music depicts their warm, sweet interaction as well as the strength of Aerith’s character to contrast with Cloud’s somewhat meek personality. The composers are telling us that these two, specifically, together alone, are hugely important to the plot here. This was already true in OG, but no such emphasis was ever placed on their interactions and relationship in its music. Something is different, deeper, more intense now. The Mission Theory explains why. It also suits our theory that the composers are emphasizing the centrality of Clerith in the plot of the Remake trilogy. Cloud’s love for Aerith is the reason for the trilogy’s existence, and it will be the greatest motivator for Cloud in part 3. It’s a grand announcement.
Just like in Remake, I could not find a single instance of Cloud and Tifa’s themes interacting in Rebirth, apart from at the end of the intimate Skywheel date— but every girl receives this treatment in their intimate dates, so each of these instances can be crossed out. Additionally, the Tifa date is not the canon one, but I digress…
V. c) iii. Credits

Piece Inclusion

Once more, I find it very telling that of all the pieces included in the credits of Rebirth, the only character themes are Cloud’s and Aerith’s. We start with a song about Aerith’s point of view to mirror *Remake’*s “Hollow”, “No Promises to Keep” (5:18-11:10), followed by the FFVII world theme (11:10-16:12) which of course contains Cloud’s true theme, then we move into a piece whose unofficially translated title is “Parade Battle Ceremony - The Dawn of a New World” as an arrangement of the parade ceremony theme from chapter 4 (16:12-19:03), followed by a theme for the Lifestream springs whose name I don’t have (19:03-21:38), “Junon - Fortified Metropolis” (21:38-24:28), and finally, a gorgeous arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47). No other character is referenced in the credits music: the credits are telling us Rebirth is about Clerith. Our Mission Theory explains why.
V. c) iii. 2) “No Promises to Keep”
At the very end of this song written and performed by Aerith, we’re treated with a sweet little piano conclusion (10:46-11:10): it begins with a variation on Aerith’s theme’s section A (10:46-11:01), and concludes with two ascending arpeggios, each four notes long (11:01-11:10). Each of these ascending arpeggios is a variation of the phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A. The differences are minimal. The phrase is usually five notes long rather than four, the first arpeggio ends on the tonic rather than Cloud’s iconic subtonic, and the second arpeggio starts on the subtonic rather than the tonic. The song Aerith wrote concludes with Cloud’s most famous motif. This is also the case in her Gold Saucer performance (3:31-3:41).
V. c) iii. 3) Arrangement of Aerith’s Theme
The final piece in the credits is an arrangement of Aerith’s theme (24:28-28:47) which has noticeably similar elements to the version of her theme that plays during the Jenova Lifeclinger battle in chapter 14 (0:12-3:36), such as the female choirs. Since these female choirs are only heard in the Forgotten City version of Aerith’s theme, and since the credits arrangement of her theme plays at the same time as clips from her chapter 14 pseudo-death roll across the screen, I estimate that this credits arrangement specifically reflects the event of Aerith’s pseudo-death. Recall that composers had access to the credits video as they composed, meaning this piece is specifically written for Aerith’s pseudo-death in Rebirth.
What I find fascinating is that, just like the arrangements of her theme that play during Aerith’s pseudo-death and the Jenova Lifeclinger battle, this credits arrangement contains the sound of Cloud’s pain, rage and protest. Phrase 1 and the first three notes of phrase 2 of Cloud’s true theme section A play on the strings and brass quite loudly and insistently, just as Cloud blocking masamune appears on the credits screen (25:11-25:21). Sephiroth’s dissonant, high and screechy violins appear just as his face comes onto the screen (26:33), and almost as a protective response, phrases 1 and 2 of Cloud’s true theme’s section A return (26:47-27:00). Finally, similarly to what we hear in part 5 of “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra”, a slightly modified section A phrase 1 of Cloud’s true theme play along with section C phrase 3 of Aerith’s theme (oh wow section A and C section Aerith for Cloud’s theme and section Cloud for Aerith’s theme I just realized that’s such a cute coincidence), though unfortunately they do not meet in the middle like last time since they start two octaves apart (28:20-28:25). I’ve recreated it for you once more here so you can really appreciate it. The fact that their motifs don’t truly reunite like in “Aerith’s Theme - The Cetra” is sad, but the very last thing you see onscreen is Aerith’s goodbye to the Tiny Bronco (27:10-27:42), so it makes sense that this piano conclusion implies that Cloud and Aerith aligned, but not yet reunited for good. That’s exactly what you get from the ending cutscene. It does seem to imply that they will be reunited in part 3, as both the ending cutscene and this piano conclusion read as a “till we see each other again” rather than a “farewell”.

VI. Textual Evidence

Now that the musical evidence is done, let’s compile some textual story evidence that supports our theory!
VI. a) Remake Trilogy (Thus Far) Handholding Explained?
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, handholding is a motif in Cloud and Aerith’s relationship— and an extremely symbolic one at that! When researching for info to validate my theory, I found that this Clerith motif was extremely helpful! Its inclusion in the Remake trilogy, and especially in Rebirth, is hugely significant in my eyes.
VI. a) i. Pre-Remake Trilogy: Aerith’s Initiative
Before examining the significance of Clerith handholding in Remake and Rebirth, we should establish the meaning of this motif in OG and Advent Children.
Cloud and Aerith have reached out to take each other’s hands many times since 1997. Aerith used to literally drag him by the hand a lot, shocking the cold and distant merc, before she left. After her death in OG, Cloud surely longed to be able to feel her hand take his again, cursing himself for not enjoying it while she was alive, and for never being the one to grasp her hand first: he never got to tell her how he feels about her, or to save her. It was always her reaching out for him, saving him.
This is why the scene in OG when Aerith reaches for him from the Lifestream after Cloud defeats Sephiroth in chapter 3 of disk 3 is so touching: Cloud sees her hand and reaches out to take it, so close to finally establishing that mutual connection, but she soon fades, and replaced by Tifa’s hand in the tangible world. He doesn’t get to hold Aerith’s hand again.
That is, not until Advent Children, where near the end of his battle with Bahamut Sin, he sees Aerith reach out to him once again (1:08-1:30). Cloud finally gets to hold her hand for the first time in two years when he lost her. This moment was given extra importance by the devs. In fact, Nojima told us the following:

“The ending scene of the battle with Bahamut, the scene where Aerith reaches out her hand, is an homage to the last scene from a previous production. It was [Nomura]'s idea” (FFVII Reunion Files, “Story Digest”, “Summoned Beast”, page 113).

VI. a) ii. The Remake Trilogy (Thus Far): Cloud’s Initiative
As I’ve said before, if I’m right that Remake is all about Cloud stepping up to be more attentive and active in his relationship with Aerith in order to save her, there should be concrete evidence of this in the Remaketrilogy thus far. If OG Cloud’s memories of and love for Aerith exist somewhere within Remake Cloud’s subconsciousness, then Remake Cloud should be far more active in the Clerith dynamic than OG Cloud was— after all, he’s supposed to know better this time around. Thankfully, the motif of handholding can help us evaluate this. Since we know pre-Remake Cloud was quite passive when it comes to handholding, Cloud initiating handholding in the Remake trilogy would be a strong indication that our theory has validity. Keeping this in mind, let’s see what we can find thus far in the Remake trilogy in relation to handholding, and if Cloud is indeed more active than he was in OG.
VI. a) ii. 1) Hollow Hands
Remake’s theme song “Hollow” makes allusions to the handholding motif: “This time, I will never let you go” is pretty clear. And so is “No Promises to Keep”, wherein Aerith speaks of Cloud “[taking her] hand and never [letting her] go” multiple times. Interestingly, these theme song lyrics seem to suggest that Cloud will be much more active in the Remake trilogy than in OG. “Hollow” even promises that Cloud will come to his senses and take charge of the situation: “this time, [he] will” be the one to offer his hand to Aerith, unlike in OG and Advent Children. This makes a lot of sense with our theory: now that Cloud has lost Aerith once, “this time for sure, [he]’ll” be the one to reach for Aerith’s hand, take initiative and save her the way she saved him.
Even though theme songs are extremely telling of a game’s main themes and intentions, lyrics are still all talk and no proof. What about the game itself? Do Remake and Rebirth deliver on this promise? Let’s see!
VI. a) ii. 2) Resolution Hands
The only significant time Cloud initiates handholding in Remake is during Cloud’s resolution scene in chapter 14 (5:18-5:40), wherein he tries to grab Aerith’s hand but is unable to keep her with him. He fills with determination and tells her in no uncertain terms that he’s coming for her. Just as we predicted, Cloud is the active participant in this iteration of the Clerith handholding motif: he’s even explicitly insisting against Aerith’s wishes that he should “get a say in all this” and that he’s “coming for [her]”. Let’s not forget that Cloud’s resolution is meant to reflect not only Aerith’s kidnapping by Shinra, but also her fated death. Nojima implied this by commenting the following on Aerith’s “Even if you think you have, it’s not real” line:

“Those who know what befalls Aerith later on will find the line really heart-wrenching” (FFVII Remake Ultimania, section 08 “Secrets”, “Development Staff Interviews, Part 2: Tetsuya Nomura, Yoshinori Kitase, Kazushige Nojima”, page 744).

Given this note by Nojima, it looks like we’re supposed to watch Cloud’s resolution scene with Aerith’s fated death in mind. Considering this, Cloud’s “I’m coming for you” line sure seems like an subconscious promise that he will save Aerith from her tragic fate. This subconscious promise could be the result of post-OG Cloud’s feelings and intentions rising to the surface. Nevertheless, he’s absolutely determined and he’s staying true to the promise he made in “Hollow”. I think it’s fair to say that this instance of the handholding Clerith motif does indeed fit perfectly with our theory. This is only one strong example though, and we need a pattern in order to pat ourselves on the back on this. So, let’s keep looking! There isn’t any handholding initiated by Cloud beyond that point in Remake. At this point in my research, I moved on to Rebirth to go digging for handholding there.
Hoo boy. I was not disappointed.
VI. a) ii. 3) Golden Hands
Let’s begin with the obvious. In their high-affinity gondola date in chapter 12, Cloud bravely interlaces his fingers with Aerith’s: Cloud’s taken charge not only of handholding, but the most intimate kind of handholding. I’m sure you’ve encountered the phrase “こいびとつなぎ” or “koibito tsunagi by now (literally translates to “lovers’ tie” or “lovers’ connection”); this is the term used in Japanese to refer to the type of handholding Cloud initiates with Aerith on the Skywheel. It’s considered the most intimate form of handholding. In Japan, skinship is normally considered quite significant and indicative of the closeness between two people— you could say it’s a big deal. Cloud also offers Aerith his hand when they step off the Shywheel, once more making the first move. Though some might say that the Skywheel dates shouldn’t be counted as canon, I believe Aerith’s date is indeed canon (I have my reasons but this post is long enough). Even if we discount the Skywheel date however, Clerith's use of the koibito tsunagi returns in a non-optional scene we will touch on later.
For what it’s worth, Alfreid offers Rosa his hand in the Loveless play too. I can prove that Aerith is the canon Rosa too, but I’m going to save that for my next analysis! You can take my word for it now, or just wait for that analysis to drop. Take it or leave it!
VI. a) ii. 4) Meta Hands
However, the narrative weight of these Clerith handholding instances doesn’t even come close to my very favorite iteration of the handholding motif in Rebirth. I’m referring to what I consider a severely underrated Clerith moment in chapter 13. First, some context: Sephiroth manipulates Cloud into giving over the Black Materia. Cloud seems to be firmly under Sephiroth’s control. However, the sight of Aerith being swarmed by Black Whispers snaps Cloud back into the driver’s seat: he breaks out of Sephiroth’s grasp to run to her and save her. Aerith gets knocked off into a fatal free-fall by a Black Whisper before Cloud can reach her, but he won’t have it: he lunges forward, hand extended. What results is a beautiful shot of their outstretched hands (56:25-56:27).
Let’s analyze this great shot. Notice how the seconds where Cloud is reaching downwards to grasp Aerith’s hand are treated. This key moment is stretched longer by a slow-mo effect, building up the tension and drawing the audience’s focus to the distance between their hands before Cloud actually catches Aerith’s in his, fulfilling the promise he made in “Hollow”. Their hands take up the whole screen in a deliberate close-up shot. All the ambient noises of the scene go quiet: Aerith’s theme is all we hear as Cloud reaches desperately for her. These are blatant audiovisual cues, signalling to the audience that whatever is happening on screen is especially significant. We should therefore examine this specific instance of the Clerith handholding motif to see what the devs are trying to tell us, and maybe it will fit with our theory!
We should begin by comparing this Clerith hand-reach shot to previous ones. If you compare it to the Advent Children’s hand-reach that occurs during Cloud’s battle against Bahamut Sin, it’s evident that Cloud and Aerith’s roles are reversed: just as our theory states, Cloud gets out from inside his head and reaches for Aerith this time. She saved him and the world in OG, and now it’s his turn to save her. This change becomes especially evident when you juxtapose the two scenes and notice how their hands have switched places, reaching from above and below, from left and right. I think the Rebirth hand-reach was deliberately made to look like the Advent Children one —and even the OG one in disk 3, chapter 3—, just to highlight this role reversal.
This Rebirth hand-reach is my favorite out of all because it shows that Cloud is much more conscious and attentive toward Aerith in Rebirth than he was in OG. At this point in OG (disk 1, chapter 25), Cloud is meant to be beating Aerith up at Sephiroth’s command, to the horror of the rest of the party. In fact, a few minutes before Cloud rushes to save Aerith in Rebirth, he has absolutely no problem violently shoving Tifa to the ground when she gets in Sephiroth’s way (53:27-53:33). This shove and Cloud’s earlier attack on Tifa in Gongaga (Rebirth, chapter 9) proves that Sephiroth is just as capable of making Cloud hurt his party members as he was in OG… though Sephiroth can’t seem to make Cloud hurt Aerith. Why is this? Why is it that Cloud beats Aerith in OG, but doesn’t even lay a finger on her —and snaps out of Sephiroth’s control at the mere sight of her in trouble— in Rebirth?
Our theory provides the answer. In disk 1, chapter 25 of OG, Cloud had not yet realized he loved Aerith. Sephiroth was therefore able to make him hurt her. But things are different in Rebirth. The Cloud we see in the Remake trilogy has gone through the OG timeline and traveled back in time, kicking off Remake as his second try at the OG timeline— and he did this precisely because he loves Aerith. His love for her is clearer and stronger in the Remake trilogy than in OG because Remake Cloud is an amnesiac, post-OG, time-traveler Cloud. He’s been through the OG before, has fallen in love with Aerith and realized it before, so this time around, he can’t even lay a finger on her. This is made evident by how closely the moments where Cloud pushes Tifa and saves Aerith are juxtaposed, separated by mere seconds of gameplay. Merely seeing Aerith in trouble wrenched control from Sephiroth and put it in Cloud’s hands again— Sephiroth probably couldn’t have gotten Cloud to attack Aerith if he tried.
This isn’t the only time we get evidence of this though! As Cloud approaches Aerith’s praying form in the Forgotten City, Sephiroth’s Black Whispers swirl around the buster sword: Sephiroth is trying to kill Aerith with it, while Cloud’s struggle to wrench it away plays out visibly on his face. Interestingly, Cloud is not being controlled by Sephiroth here. We know this because we can quite literally see the Black Whispers trying to move his sword, but also because every time Cloud is being controlled by Sephiroth in Rebirth, he has an empty-eyed, zombie-Cloud look on his face. Either that or he laughs or smiles somewhat maniacally. There is never any resistance on his part. To see an example, simply pay attention to Cloud’s blank face as he attacks Tifa in Gongaga in chapter 9 (19:20-20:30). You’ll see the very same expression on his face if you watch this video of Cloud following Sephiroth’s orders in chapter 13 (53:36-54:15). Additionally, look at how strangely Cloud smiles (41:01) as he grasps the Black Materia. Cloud makes none of these faces as the Black Whispers try to take control of his sword: quite the opposite. Cloud looks like he’s trying his hardest to pull his weapon back down and away from Aerith, a horrified look on his face as he grunts from the effort. Once more, Sephiroth is unable to make Cloud hurt Aerith.
Back to my favorite handholding moment. Think about this devs intention for this shot for a minute. The devs have been teasing us as to whether or not Cloud will succeed in saving Aerith in the Remake trilogy since it was first announced, and this slow-mo shot of Cloud catching Aerith’s hand as she falls to her death is a reflection of this tension. The audience holds their breath during those slow-moed seconds, all that hope and fear hanging in the balance. This instance of the handholding motif is a meta way for the devs to reassure us that Cloud will indeed save Aerith. I firmly believe this.
VI. a) ii. 5) Self-Sacrificing Hands
Alright, alright, enough about my favorite! Let’s move to chapter 14 of Rebirth! There’s evidently a lot going on with Clerith in this chapter. Let’s address the Sector 5 date. The handholding is first initiated by Aerith as she tugs him toward the candy vendor and Cloud reacts with a quiet gasp (4:07-4:17). Soon, it becomes a reciprocal embrace: Cloud holds his hand out for Aerith’s and tightens his fingers around hers, smiling at her before they head to the photographer (7:07-7:17).
Then of course, when Aerith pushes Cloud into a portal in her church, you can see Cloud reach his hand up toward her desperately as he falls (17:38-17:58). What I find particularly emotional about this moment is that Aerith pushing Cloud away from her is kind of the opposite of reaching for his hand: it symbolizes Aerith accepting her fate and giving up on a life where she can be with him. This Aerith seems to be a post-OG Aerith who exists separately from the main world we experience in Rebirth, meaning she knows all too well that her fate is to die. In fact, it looks like she is the very same or a similar Aerith to the one who appeared to Cloud in his resolution scene in Remake. By literally pushing Cloud away, just like she figuratively did in Cloud’s resolution scene, she is sacrificing both herself and the happiness she could share with Cloud. She’s going against her heart’s wishes, just like she did in Cloud’s resolution scene when she would not let Cloud take her hand. Indeed, post-OG Aerith seems to be resigned to her fated death and completely devoid of hope: she only wants to ensure the planet’s survival, because she thinks she knows there is no way she can or should be with Cloud. In contrast, Cloud reaches his hand out toward Aerith as he falls into the portal, and even though he does not know that her push symbolizes her self-sacrifice, his outstretched hand represents his protest. So far, our theory is fitting beautifully.
VI. a) ii. 6) Grieving Hands
Later in chapter 14 of Rebirth, after Aerith’s death/non-death, there is more handholding. As Cloud cradles Aerith’s body close to him at the Forgotten Capital, Aerith places her hand on his cheek. Cloud covers it with his, curling his fingers around it (1:03:33-1:03:53). Before he leaves her lying down on her back to go fight Sephiroth, he squeezes her hand as he tells her “I got this”— or, per the Japanese version, “Wait for me”, meaning he’ll reunite with her once he’s done (1:04:56-1:05:10).
VI. a) ii. 7) Hero-Heroine Hands
Next, the koibito tsunagi returns as Cloud and Aerith interlace fingers back to back in a classic hero-heroine pose, right after their two-versus-one fight against Sephiroth. This time, they both reach for each other simultaneously (7:42-8:18), without even having to look down at their hands or talk to each other, as though perfectly in sync. As you can see, Aerith and Cloud are now on the same page. This is different from post-OG Aerith’s attitude in the Sector 5 church earlier in chapter 14, as well as in Cloud’s resolution scene in Remake— my interpretation of this mutual koibito tsunagi is that both of them are agreeing to hold onto each other now, with neither of them pulling back or being inattentive of the other: their priorities are now the same. It seems now they are aligned, and hopefully this means that Aerith will be working together with Cloud so they can reunite again in part 3. Even if she doesn’t prioritize her life and happiness though, we know for sure Cloud will.
VI. b) Blocking Masamune Explained?
Another piece of evidence that Cloud has been through the events of OG before is the fact that he is able to block masamune. Cloud looks up and sees Sephiroth descending with his blade poised to kill Aerith. Screaming, Cloud instantly rips the buster sword from the Black Whispers’ hold and successfully blocks masamune. Hatred and determination fill his eyes as he rallies his strength and successfully pushes Sephiroth away, saving Aerith’s life (6:00-7:26)— at least, in one reality.
Obviously, something about Cloud is different in Rebirth from in OG, otherwise, the events of Rebirth’s chapter 14 would be the same as the events of OG’s disk 1 chapter 28. In my opinion, what happened here is that upon seeing Sephiroth swoop down with masamune, Cloud remembered Aerith’s death in OG, and the post-OG Cloud’s determination to stop it came surging up from within him. This is frankly the very best proof there is that Cloud is far more ready, stable, determined, and clear-headed about Aerith in the Remake trilogy than in OG. Our theory explains why! In fact, this very moment is what our entire theory banks on: Cloud saves Aerith in one reality, as is shown by the rainbow effect produced by the event, and just like that, the promise made in “Hollow” has been fulfilled! However, now we face the question of how to make sure that Aerith is alive and by Cloud’s side when the multiverse converges again into one protected timeline. I’m sure it will be done; we will see how in part 3.
VI. c) Theme Song Lyrics
What the theme songs’ texts have to say about the trilogy so far is quite important, as they summarize the feelings of the characters they represent: Cloud and Aerith. We can glean a lot from their perspectives that could help support the Mission Theory.
VI. d) i. “Hollow” Lyrics
“Hollow”, Remake’s theme song, was written about Cloud’s feelings and rumination. Nojima confirmed that, when he was given directives for the lyric-writing, “Nomura just gave [Nojima] the keywords: ‘told from Cloud's point of view’ and ‘standing in the rain’. [Nojima] interpreted that as ‘a ballad for a man who lost something/someone important’” (Nojima and Uematsu interview “‘I wanted to put the word ‘empty’ in the theme song of Remake. That was how it started’ - Music-Related Interview Part 6: Kazunari Nojima”, by Famitsu). Our theory is about Cloud’s motivations and mission to save Aerith, so “Hollow” is especially relevant.
Let’s run through the lyrics and analyze, starting with the song’s first verse:

“I would be lost, drifting along
Floating up high, time after time
And there you'd be, shining brightly
Your smiling face to guide my way
Bloody and bruised, brought to my knees
When beaten down, when broken up
You would appear, reach out to me
Heal every wound and make me whole”

Makes sense with our theory in mind, doesn’t it? This is post-OG Cloud remembering Aerith and what she means to him. “Hollow” seems to be told from the perspective of the post-OG Cloud hidden somewhere in Remake Cloud: a suppressed or eroded part of him that remembers Aerith clearly. Or maybe it’s told by Cloud after the events of the MFF x FFVII Remake collaboration and before the start of Remake, asserting his mission to save Aerith.
Next, here are the pre-choruses:

“Was it all, a dream? Will I never know?
Foolish and blind to everything
Had I realized, had I thought it through
Would you be here in my embrace?”

“With your every smile, hiding something more
Dark mysteries lurking beneath
But I was consumed with this emptiness
This selfishness, this void to fill”

(continued in

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