Laurens' stomach seemed to flip and jolt with every bump of the road heading to the motel outside of town just past the main supermarket. Tears ran down her face. The car seemed to fishtail a little as she pulled in. There were several problems with her marriage. Namely that he had a tendency to hit her and accuse her of cheating on him, the most current problem was that he was cheating on her in a motel where everyone they knew could see. Lauren wasn’t thinking clearly as she banged on the door, she knew right away which one it would be, she could hear his voice coming out from it.
“OPEN UP!” She screamed as she pounded on the door. Lauren could feel the general sensation of her hand resisting the door. It would more than likely hurt at some point when she came off the adrenaline.
Then, the door did open. Daniel Anderson took up most of the frame and he was angry. Lauren could hear the other girl screaming inside but couldn’t seem to make out what she was saying. Her heart stopped as she looked into Daniels face. He was Angry. The kind of angry that meant he was going to hurt her, whether anyone could see it or not. Lauren backed up from the door to avoid being pulled in the room but Daniel followed her out.
“What are you doing here?” Daniel asked, his voice was even and low.
“I got 3 calls about you being here with some whore.” Lauren retorted. She had started edging towards her car at this point, seemingly just now realizing she had made a mistake in coming here. Her heart seemed to stop altogether as he reached for her.
Lauren ducked but he caught her by her hair, winding the strands in between his fingers and yanking her face so that her ear was next to her mouth.
“What did you call her?” He whispered through clenched teeth. Lauren remained mute at this point. She felt her heart speed up and she tried to figure out how to get out of this. He’d never hit her in public. If she could remind him where they were… “I asked you a question Bitch.
If Lauren had thought about answering at that point, she wasn’t given much of a chance. He swung her head up and then forward, the momentum knocking her to the ground. Then he kicked her, pain blossomed through her midsection stunning her and she had trouble catching her breath. His hands came back down and he began throwing her face into the bumper of his bright red truck. After a minute he threw her face in a different direction and she could taste gravel.
“Apologize.” Daniel said in a warning voice. Lauren tried to stand but he mimicked grabbing at her and she shrunk back. “Apologize to her for calling her a whore.”
Lauren said nothing, somewhat in shock and mostly in pain. She could taste blood and felt it running down her face. This time he did grab her by the arm and yanked her up in one movement.
“I Said. Apologize. “ his words were clear.
Lauren did. Stuttering out an I’m sorry in the other woman’s direction.
“You best be home when I get back.” With that Daniel turned around and went back in the room.
Lauren assessed her options but she couldn’t seem to think. She reached into her car and pulled out her purse and started walking. She couldn’t see out of one eye hardly at all and her head hurt in the back. Lauren knew that he had pulled out a significant amount of hair. She thought she recalled some sharp pain as her face was pulled back from the bumper but she couldn’t remember what had happened in any sort of order.
It was at least 2 miles to her friend’s house. Lauren knocked on the door and when Natalie opened the door Lauren pushed her way in. Natalie hissed as she looked at Lauren.
“What the fuck happened?” Natalie gingerly touched her eye, or at least Laurent thought it was the area heer eye should be in. She hadn’t realized how numb she’d been getting here until she wasn’t numb anymore and the throbbing started up. Todd, Natalie’s husband came from the bedrooms and audibly gasped as well. Lauren headed for the hair salon in the back as Natalie whispered to Todd.
Natalie found Lauren in the salon, lights on and sitting in the chair.
“I’ve got enough here for a haircut but I’ll have to get back to you on the last minute/middle of the night fee. I need it all chopped off if you would. I know he ripped a bit in the back so it’s uneven anyway. Honestly it’s irresponsible to keep my hair this long anyway,do people still do that Kate plus Eight hair? The may I speak to your manager hair?” Lauren had trouble forming the words but she kept going hoping that Natalie understood her. She purposefully faced away from the mirror.
“I can cut your hair for sure. Wouldn’t you rather go to a hospital?” Natalie asked carefully playing with Lauren’s hair. Lauren shookher head quickly and immediately regretted it. Todd came in the room with an ice pack and a washcloth. Natalie filled up a bowl of water and started carefully patting away dried blood and finding the actual cuts. There was water and ibuprofen with a few tylenol mixed in, Lauren had trouble with it.
Natalie cut her hair silently. Working around one spot and then going back to it before announcing that it was as good as it was going to get there until the massive cut healed.
“You want to stay here tonight babe?” Natalie asked as she once more took to wiping her face from the still open cuts.
“No I couldn't do that to you, he told me to go home and when he finds that I’m not there… I left my car at the motel. '' Lauren knew on some level she had and knew there had been a reason, but now that the adrenaline was amping down and quickly she had no idea what she was going to do now.
“The motel?”
“Yeah, he met that girl..that one… Beth, that’s her name. They were up there and I had 3 people call me to tell me his truck was there. I just lost it and drove up there. I didn’t expect this to happen. I figured he’d be caught and apologetic.”
“That fucking bitch, I know her. She has no shame. Anyone gives her a little attention and she thinks they’re married. Tells everyone about it. She smells to high heaven too.” Natalie said incensed.
“Well I got up there and confronted him and he did this until I apologi-apolo-. “ Lauren felt sick suddenly and didn’t bother to finish. It hurt more to talk anyway.
“Why don’t you kick him out? It’s your house, the bills are in your name, you survived years without him before so it’s not like you need to worry about money. Serve him with eviction papers and go hide out somewhere until the month is up. Then bar him from the house.”
“I can’t afford a vacation and last time I tried to kick him out, it didn’t go well.I’ve got nothing in savings or otherwise. I can’t stay with anyone because he’ll come find me and hurt someone else in the process. My kids are already going to be pissed about this and if I disappear it's them he’ll hassle.I can’t afford the medical bills if I go in for this and I can’t afford the next beating if I don’t go home and get there before he does. Plus he knows exactly where I work.”
“You aren’t going to have a job if you're dead and he’s going to kill you.. At this point we’re just waiting for when. I can help you. I can loan you money, Fuck, I’ll just give you the god damn money. “
“We both know you don’t have any more than I do. “ Lauren said leaning back
“Well, you aren’t going home tonight, call your kids and warn them that he’ll be calling and to get a police car out there or something. I’ll call Lottie and explain that you are taking a few days off, and you most certainly are taking a few days off ma’am. You can’t go in looking like that, Lottie’ll kick you back out as soon as you show up. I know where you can go for now.”
Lauren went out back, wincing as she lit up a cigarette and took a few good drags before calling her oldest daughter and explaining that Daniel was going to be angry and to be on the lookout and if she could please call her siblings because she just did not have the energy tonight. Lauren promised to go to the hospital, figuring she’d end up going at some point and assured her daughter that she would be fine. After hanging up Todd got her attention at the edge of the yard and gestured toward the car. Lauren got up and limped over to it to climb in and wondering why the actual fuck she had worn flip flops tonight for this. .
It was a long drive out of town and into the mountains. Lauren apologized profusely every time she looked at the car clock. Todd waved his hand dismissively and handed her a fresh ice pack.
“We’re going to see my cousin, he lives up in the woods doing work for the park. He’s pretty far out there and doesn’t come into town much so Daniel won’t know about him. I’d turn your phone off as a precaution though. GPS trackers and whatnot.”
Lauren had already turned her phone off and felt herself dozing off. Unsure of how long she had slept she was awoken by the car stopping. Todd told her to wait where she was while he talked to his cousin. Lauren wondered what she was going to do if this guy didn’t let her stay here tonight. A few minutes later Todd was back and helping her hobble inside. The other man looked like he’d been woken up. He looked Lauren up and down and then waved Todd away. Todd slumped his shoulders and walked back to the car.
“I’m Eric, you’ll get my room. I’ve got some shirts on the bed to sleep in. The dog might insist on laying with you don’t mind dogs too much. I’ll be right out here on the couch if you need anything, bathroom is over here. I can get you a water and some more ibuprofen.” Eric seemed nice. Lauren worried that Daniel would find her out here with another man and finish what he started at the motel. The motel that seemed to be eons ago. Lauren felt her knees start to buckle and she swayed. Eric grabbed her and helped to the bed. Lauren rolled over and managed to get under the blankets before passing out.
Lauren came to hazily and found that the man here was in the room, he seemed taller as in a lot taller.
“I just want to touch you.” Eric slurred out. He swayed awkwardly and seemed to float to the bed, his hands grabbed at her. Lauren was frozen and then noticed to her horror that her husband was right behind him. Daniel came around to the other side of the bed smiling as if he’d known all along that she would be here. Lauren pulled her legs back and tried to scoot back into the headboard as the men got on the bed and started pulling her legs apart and shoving their palms into her collarbone to push her back. Lauren cried out screaming at them to stop as they started biting at her hips and inner thighs. Then they were laughing as they bit into her and pulled her skin off. Eric moved his mouth to her face and bit into her forehead and that set off fireworks of pain through her head.
Lauren awoke gasping and throwing her hands up defensively. Grey light filtered into the room through the blinds and Lauren was soaked in sweat. Her head most definitely did hurt. Badly. The memory of the men all over her made her sick and she jumped out of the bed and scrambled to the hallway towards where she thought the bathroom would be. She tried to grab at her hair to hold it out of the way only to come up short. It was cut. By the time she had finished throwing up and was leaning over the toilet trying to regain her breath, Eric had appeared wiping sleep out of his eyes. Lauren was slightly relieved to see him at his normal size although she shrunk from his touch when he reached out to steady her. He put his hands up to show that he was backing off.
“Hungry? I can make you something to eat to take some painkillers with so you don’t get so sick again. I’m going to run you into town when you think you’re ready. We can go to the ER if you’d like or maybe the prompt care? But you will have to go in. Looks like you broke your face.” Eric spoke slowly to her, keeping his hands where she could see them. Lauren just nodded at him dumbly. Which sent a new wave of agony through her body and she started to crumble. Eric reached carefully and steadied her with as little physical contact as possible. He led her to the couch and got her sat down, bringing her toast and ibuprofen with water.
Lauren tried to relax into the pain until the ibuprofen kicked in. She tried to disappear into herself, she counted by 13s. Finally after what seemed like forever, the painkillers kicked in taking a very large edge off of her pain. She let out a very audible moan as the pain abated ever so slightly. Her shoulders dropped.
“If we’re going into town and avoiding your husband maybe you should wear some different clothes? I’ve got some guy clothes that will fit you ok.” Eric said, handing her folded jeans and a shirt. Lauren just took them and went into the room to change. Mens jeans seemed to change her entire body shape and she did feel a little safer. Lauren had no idea what she was going to do when it came down to it. She was serious last night about not knowing how to leave him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, she had tried once before to end things, he called his son over to help him carry his stuff out and then when his son arrived he had held Lauren still while Daniel beat the shit out of her stomach and explained that he wasn’t leaving. Lauren needed her job, the house was paid off, she had gotten it in the divorce and had worked hard to pay it up over the years, but there were other bills and taxes and at some point Lauren wanted to retire long enough to enjoy it.
The car ride to town was nerve wracking. Lauren had used Eric’s phone to call ahead to the doctors office and let them know she would be there and that she would like to be brought back as soon as possible. Lauren waited until they were back in town to turn her phone back on. It powered up and looked fine until the phone started registering the texts and voicemails that had been coming in since last night. Once upon a time Daniel had reacted very negatively to her not responding to his message fast enough so Lauren had eventually set his ringer as an alarm so she knew right away to pick her phone up. Eric’s car sounded like a national disaster was going on. Lauren thought about throwing it out the window as her panic started to grow. Eric grabbed it from her and shoved it under his leg muffling the sound slightly.
“Sorry.” Lauren mumbled. Eric shrugged and didn’t look at her, instead keeping his eyes on the road. “I need to stop at the courthouse first to fill out paperwork for an order of protection and get it filed. Then the doctor's office. That way if he figures out where I am they’re already ready for me. “
Lauren checked her phone for any messages not from Daniel and responded to any that needed it and then she turned it back off as they pulled up to the courthouse. Eric handed her his ball cap to hide her face and they casually walked in together. The security guard stopped her and she lifted her hat and faced him head on. He winced and gave her the floor she needed.
“I still haven’t looked, how bad is it?” Lauren asked as they waited for the elevator.
“It’s pretty bad. But it’s your face and it’s probably mostly swelling. “ Eric said without looking at her.
Lauren knew the clerk and judging by the look on her face she ought to hurry to the doctor’s office.
The doctor’s office was it’s own sort of hell. First, the receptionist didn’t want to send her straight back before the nurse came out. Second, Lauren had been in town long enough that she was paranoid every time someone walked in, which she felt she wouldn’t be if they had sent her back like they had discussed. By the time Odette the nurse came out Lauren was wired and Eric had to calm her down just to get her to walk back to the room.
The doctor came in and looked at her and sighed.
“He really got you this time.” Dr. Livingston said, checking the chart.
“I need pictures to add to the rest, I’ve started the proceedings for an OOP and I’d like to bring in all the pictures.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I’ll have Etta come in with the camera and give you copies to take with you so if they’re lost somehow you can get more from us. Then I’ll do an exam. Does he know where you are?”
“I’m not sure,Eric here has been driving me around and playing my bodyguard. I’d like to move as quickly as possible. I want to be out of town when he catches wind of the OOP.”
“I’ll have them let me know if he shows up.’
The pictures were as intrusive as ever. Etta smiled sympathetically as she helped Lauren tilt her head in different directions to catch every angle. After the pictures Dr. Livingston did a thorough exam and had an XRay done. Prescribed decent painkillers and did a few stitches on her forehead and somewhere in the back that Lauren hadn’t realized was cut up.
Daniel did show up so Eric and Lauren took off out the back and left, the office kept him busy and promised to give her a call as soon as he left. Eric dropped her off a block from her house to grab her things. Her truck was in the driveway. Lauren walked past it and into the house. Though she hadn’t checked the messages she had assumed that the house would be trashed from one of his fits but it wasn’t. She grabbed a few loose outfits and makeup. Glasses and medicine and a charger for a phone she was afraid to turn on. The office called to let her know he had left 2 minutes before. Her chest began to beat erratically. She couldn’t breathe.
“Notsafenotsafenotsafe.” She said to herself repeatedly to get her moving. She remembered to grab socks and real shoes, she even took extra time to get them on. The plan was to meet Eric 2 streets from the backyard in hopes of avoiding Daniel or someone that knew them and might tell Daniel who she had left with. Lauren locked the back door as she slipped out and was stopped by the next door woman who was entirely too nosey and judgemental. Grace had decided she didn’t like Lauren 20 some odd years ago when Grace had moved in. Daniel on the other hand, well she seemed to adore him. Daniel came over and mowed her yard for free and fixed her broken what the fuck ever was broken that day. Lauren knew for a fact that Grace fed Daniel information whether it was true or just some idea that Grace had gotten through her head.
“Well, what happened? Where are you headed then?” Grace asked quickly, trying to engage Lauren.
“Just a tumble and off to check something for The Jakobi's across the yard. See you later Grace.” Lauren kept walking trying to smile pleasantly.
“Oh wait, I need you to ask Danny to do something for me!” Grace hollered after Lauren, Lauren responded by running faster. Daniel’s truck roared around the corner so Lauren decided to take a different route that would involve going through the woods and meeting Eric somewhere else.
Adrenaline poured through Lauren and she put her all into it until she came out a mile up by the gas station. Lauren went inside and borrowed the landline there to call Eric to meet her at the trail head a little further on. She also bought an energy drink and chugged it before leaving. The rush made her eyes feel like they were going to pop out of her head and she laughed before running back into the woods. She imagined she must look like a mess with the backpack on and her short hair sticking everywhere with her eyes wild from the excess caffeine being chugged so quickly. Lauren kept herself going by imagining that she could hear his truck following her, that she could smell his cologne in the air behind her. Before she could stop herself she was hearing her footsteps and feeling the sensation of her head being pulled back and back into the bumper.
BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam. By the time she had exploded off the trail and into the poorly kept parking lot she had completely forgotten what she was doing.
Lauren dropped her hands on her knees and panted heavily. It was Todd who threw his hands around her waist and held her steady. Lauren surprised herself by screaming and slapping at him before Todd could get her to come out of her stupor. Sobbing, she fell into his chest and bawled. She started crying about the day and then it was the day before and then the year and then her entire marriage and then it was the time her youngest daughter came home from her dad’s early and accused her of always being drunk and looking at her disgustedly. Then it was the divorce and the time she let their older daughter wear lipstick and her ex husband had smacked her in front of them and announced that Lauren was not in fact, the deciding parent on the rules in the house.
It was a very long time before Lauren was done crying. Her face hurt dully in the area that had been so intimate with the bumper, snot covered her cheeks and mouth from the futile wiping it with her sleeves. Her good eye was now also swollen and she could barely see through it now. She fell to her knees and then collapsed the rest of the way to the ground so that getting up was difficult because of how stiff she was now from the odd position. Lauren hobbled with Todd holding her upright to his truck. He went ahead and lifted her up into the seat and helped her buckle. Lauren was too tired to swat his hand away and do it herself. She just relaxed her body back in the seat and let herself try to doze.
They hit the dirt road leading to Eric’s house which woke her up again. She could see more out of her good eye and finally flipped the visor down and braced herself for the reflection she had been avoiding.
Half of her face was a mix of purple and blue, someone had said something about her cheekbone on the right being fractured a little, hey right eyebrow was not only swollen but split in the corner and a small stitch held it. Her right eye was a mix of colors and swollen shut, bruises ran down her jawline and she could see why Dr. Livingston had recommended admitting her to the hospital, Lauren herself might’ve considered it if she hadn't been terrified it would’ve made it easier for Daniel to find her and kill her. Lauren fingered her hair that was cut close to her head and tried to smooth some of the longer strands that had indeed started to poke out at different directions. The left side of her face red and blotchy from crying and it occurred to Lauren that she looked like a very fat bloated version of herself and for some reason it struck her as hysterical and she began to laugh until her stomach hurt and she was doubled over howling with laughter. Todd glanced at her and then the road, flipping back and forth between the road and Lauren. Lauren who had gone from a deep sadness to a manic laughter within a short period of time.
By the time they pulled up to Eric’s, Lauren was still laughing but had calmed a little. Todd patted her thigh and told her to stay put. To go warn Eric she presumed. When he came back he carried her from the car to the bed and Eric stood waiting with pills and water and more toast. Lauren did some concentrated breathing until she could swallow them without choking. The pills seemed to kick in immediately. Her face numbed much more than the ibuprofen had managed earlier. As her mind started to fade in and out Eric told her he had purchased her a new phone and had put her old numbers into her new phone in town and tossed the old phone.
A week later Lauren returned from town at the hearing where Daniel was served with a permanent Order Of Protection good for a year. While her face was still pretty fucked up, she was able to see out of both eyes now. The judge had seen her face and granted the order. Daniel had been arrested and would be held for awhile but she had stayed with Eric for a few more days so he could keep an eye on her mental state. Lauren was having trouble returning to her home, she had been placed on a sort of leave at work, Lauren was unsure if they could legally do that after a domestic assault but she wasn’t in the mindset to argue so she just gave up.
“You think you’re safe to go home tomorrow? “ Eric asked Lauren as they set up a fire outside.
“I think so. I don’t know if I really want to stay there anymore.” Lauren admitted. She stacked some more wood off to the side so they wouldn’t have to get back up as often.
“I have a friend who owns some cabins in the woods, he rents them out. There’s 12 or so I think, anyway he recently lost his caretaker and has been looking for someone who can stay up there year round and clean the cabins and handle the rentals. It pays well, obviously you have your own cabin to live in.” Eric passed her a joint that Lauren accepted.
“I’ll think about it.” Lauren said before breathing in and relaxing back into her camping chair and drifting away.
Lauren finished setting the table with her son, Greyson. Her daughters Cora and Audrey, were supposed to be here soon. Liam, Greyson’s 5 month old wailed from the living room and Lauren waved at Greyson to let her go tend to him. Lauren picked up the wailing baby and put her nose on top of his head, remembering the newborn smell. Her youngest was Audrey and she was 23. Liam settled as soon as he was picked up. Lauren thought of how much she was going to miss her grandkids. She lifted him up so she could blow on his baby tummy and he squealed with delight.
“I think the girls are pulling in now.” Greyson said coming in with a bottle. Liam caught sight of Daddy and his bottle and flailed toward them. Lauren handed her grandson to her own son and kissed his forehead.
“I am so proud of you. I don’t think I know any single dads who have their kids full time.” Lauren brushed Greysons hair from his forehead and smiled.
The girls came in, Audrey carrying Cora’s 3 year old son and then Cora behind her dragging an 8 year old girl whose eyes were locked on a tablet screen.
“Diana Renee, turn it off for a few minutes and walk. Jesus. You’re going to trip, say hi to grandma.” Cora said in a surly tone looking exhausted. Her face looked rounder and Lauren had a feeling Cora was pregnant again. She had the look and Lauren felt a pang that she wasn’t going to be around this time, and that she had already missed quite a bit of time. It hadn’t taken any of the kids long to catch onto Daniel being controlling and possessive and even though Lauren had argued for her kids being over every Sunday the children on their own had slowly found excuses to quit coming around the house.Not that Audrey had needed much push. For whatever reason Audrey and Lauren had never seen eye to eye. Lauren blamed her father but it was more than that too, a drive to be independent. Diana and Clayton hugged Lauren fiercely and she sat on the floor with them crawling on her while they told her anything interesting they could think of. The bruises on Lauren’s face had faded quite a bit but the kids kept looking at them without saying anything, biting their lips. Lauren assumed Cora had instructed them not to ask. Lauren had purposely waited to bring her kids over to make her announcement until her face looked better and wouldn’t scare anyone. After a while the kids ran out into the backyard to play.
“So is he really gone?” Audrey asked as the sliding door closed. Lauren sighed pretending not to notice the tone in her voice.
“Yes. He was arrested. The pictures I had taken at the doctor’s office helped. I know you guys weren’t impressed he was here as long as he was but I was working on it. “ That of course was a lie. She had snuck off to the doctors after he had beaten her and had it documented so that they would have a suspect if he killed her but the kids didn’t need to know that. At least this way they seemed to retain a little respect for their flakey mom who brought the evil villain into their lives.
“I’m just glad you’re safe mom. We were worried. Especially after you called me that night.” Cora said rocking Liam who was starting to doze off after his bottle.
“That’s why I called you guys over actually. After that happened I did some thinking. It’s just me in this big house and after everything that happened I decided to sell the house and move. I took a job the next state over up in the mountains. I’m a caretaker for cabins that get rented out to hunters and families, I’ll be living there.” Lauren smiled and started passing a brochure for the company and the area to each of her children.
“What the fuck mom? You can’t move, or at the very least you can’t sell the house. We grew up here.” Audrey said loudly, tears forming already. Lauren remembered the time her friends had all gone out for a girls weekend and Greyson had spiked a fever and Lauren had to stay home to take care of him, how suffocating it had felt to be their mother and have no life of her own. But the kids were in their twenties now, not little. They didn’t need her the same way.
“Eventually Daniel will be released and I would like to be gone when he is. I would like to live somewhere that I can make new, happier memories. You guys don’t need me as much and I’m only an hour away. I can still take grand kids when you need me and I’m not so far that I can’t come over for lunch. Plus I can offer you guys a pretty good discount in the off season. Imagine Christmas in the mountains and everyone has their own cabin to stay in instead of arguing over a bedroom.” Lauren said, hoping no one would note that it had been a very long time since anyone had spent the night here and they’d never really fought over space.
“I think it’s a good idea mom. We’ll miss the house but you’re right.” Cora said glaring at her sister. “You deserve to move forward.”
“I can help you move up there. Are you taking your furniture or is the furniture provided already? Is it safe up there? Who will come check on you? I don’t want something to happen to you and you’re stranded out there for days with no help. “ Greyson asked, looking concerned.
“I’m not sure, we can set up a system so you know I’m ok.” Lauren said pleased with her son’s concern. “As far as furniture, you guys can pick anything you want, I’m selling the rest. I’ll keep some of the dishes and my baking stuff. Plus the photograph albums, I’ll get rid of everything else.”
“Does Dad know?” Autumn asked accusingly.
“I haven’t told him, it’s really not any of his business. Nothing in this house belongs to him and his name hasn’t been on the house in at least 15 years.”
“This is our house too.” Audrey argued
“No it really isn’t anymore. You haven’t lived here in at least 5 years.”
“Audrey, chill, it’s not that big of a deal.” Cora warned. Lauren began to feel she was missing something.
“Well, you could rent it out to someone instead of getting rid of it. You could always use the extra income.” Audrey argued, looking around at everyone.
“I’d make a lot more money selling the house than I would renting it out. If there were a repair to be made I don’t want to be responsible. I’m too old to deal with all of that.” Lauren waved her hand around the house gesturing at the idea of all the work there would need to be done. “Besides someone has already made an offer, I’m fairly certain I’m going to accept it.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Yes, she can. Knock it off. She doesn’t want to live here all alone.” Greyson retorted.
The 3 of them argued together at each other and Lauren sank back into her recliner helplessly. A thought occurred to her.
“Audrey are you angry you’re losing a piece of your childhood or a piece of your inheritance?” Lauren asked icily. Audrey’s face turned red and Cora looked at the window desperate not to make eye contact. Greyson grabbed Liam and started fussing over him.”Ah. I see, and you all 3 have discussed it.”
“No, not exactly like that. Dad had a scare 2 years ago and he was faced with being put in a home for awhile. We didn’t know how he was going to pay for it, we talked about selling his house and that was sort of how it came up, renting instead of selling I mean.” Greyson muttered.
“Not to keep it until he died so the money or the house went to us, but to protect him. We naturally discussed you as well and different scenarios. Then when we started to really worry Daniel was going to kill you, we were worried about him taking possession of the house and everything in it.” Cora explained a little more. “Obviously all THREE of us want you to do what makes you feel the happiest and safest.”
Audrey stared at the wall.
“I have a lot of happy memories here of all 3 of you. I brought you all home from the hospital through that door. I nursed you all back to health when you were sick and sang you lullabies in this room. I listened to you talk about your days in the kitchen, and when your dad moved out we all sat in my room with the big TV and watched movies all day because he wasn’t here to tell us it was wrong. I potty trained you all in the bathrooms here. I taught you to walk and speak here.” Lauren wiped at her eyes remembering them running through. “But over there in that corner was where your dad smacked me because I told Cora she could wear lipstick. And I was standing on the stairs when he came out of the bedroom with his suitcase in hand, telling me he was leaving. It was in the kitchen where I got the call that my mother died. That was the door frame Daniel's son leaned against as he held me up while Daniel pummeled my midsection until I decided that I didn’t want him to move out after all. I just want to start over. I’m allowed to do that. I gave my entire life to raise you guys and no one worked harder than me to keep us afloat. My time is now and I’m taking it. “

Hi everyone before I begin I would like to make a little disclaimer that I have no qualifications in writing, im actually more qualified to be a scientist than a novelist lol. Ive got no masters or phd in it but I did study a sizeable amount of English and Literature while I also write as a mini hobby so do with that information what you will
Ive had this idea for a while now but never shared it nor posted about it, wasnt sure where or how id share such an idea and thought hey why not Reddit on a writing sub, still not sure if this sub accepts unsolicited advice though lol
I came up with this rule of thumb that could be used to measure how well youre writing your characters through the use of shipping, the basic summary is if all your characters can be shipped together without any major issues and all possible permutation of character pairings are plausible then your characters and quite possibly your story lack depth
I first came up with this idea when observing the My Hero Academia fandom and how easily acceptable and presentable all ships were compared to other fandoms. Now this isnt to say the characters in MHA lack depth or the story is bad (I dropped it around season 2 or 3 so maybe it got better while I was gone), im simply detailing the origins of my notion. I compared that to other fandoms and noticed there was a stark difference
For me to detail my idea id like you to imagine the ships of Deku x Mina or Ochaco x Kirishima, if youre a fan of the show or at least know a thing or 2 about it both ships are both palatable despite the show never actually propping up such ships nor working towards such a direction (that I know of) but yet you can find tons and tons of ship art for both pairings. Now yes I know the internet will ship literally anything (theres a lot of Lorax x Once-ler stuff, Jesus) but for the sake of this discussion I want you to focus on how people are genuine with these ships and dont simply pair them together as a joke or just because
Now lets jump shows and look at ships like Aang x Mai or Jett x Toph, yes there might be some ship art for these characters and people who genuinely like the idea of these characters being together but I bet you despite ATLA being the older piece of media the amount of artwork for these ships would pale in comparison to the previous ships. I dont need to tell you how great of a show ATLA is and how nuanced it is with its worldbuilding, dynamic characters and the wonderful chemistry that makes everything fit so perfectly together, people have been doing that for nearly 2 decades
The lack of artwork for such pairings boils down simply to, in my opinion, the depth and dynamic nature of ATLAs characters. Im sure anyone who was a fan of the series during its run and reruns (and I guess even today?) can remember how hectic the war was (is?) between Aang x Katara vs. Zuko x Katara. People are so heavily invested in the ATLA characters and I cant blame them. The characters are so well fleshed out having their own personalities, traits and quirks that people view them almost as if they were real people and cant possibly entertain the idea of x character getting with y character simply because of the several traits, history and personalities that conflict, this isnt really the case with MHA. Yes, there are disagreements on ships but I have yet to witness a full scale shipping war, just mutual disagreement while for ATLA ive seen essays, ESSAYS! On why Zuko x Katara is good or bad
I dont believe the characters in MHA are very dynamic, or at least not compared to ATLA. Theres nothing wrong with this however as different shows and mediums aim to achieve different things, imagine if a light hearted show had deeply flawed characters working through something like idk depression, thatd be strange
Perhaps the love for MHAs characters and the seemingly lack of apprehension to pair one with every other character stems mostly from their designs. They were made to be interesting looking after all compare that to ATLA where the character appeal is mostly found in the complexity and inner struggles of those present within the narrative. The ATLA characters do have neat and interesting designs but their clothing is quite regular compared to the crazy and interesting costume designs of MHA
With all that said Ive more or less used this rule of thumb as a sorta gauge to determine if characters are dynamic enough and fleshed out enough. Think about your favourite show, book, etc and see if every character can be shipped with each other chances are your response is something along the lines of "hell no" now think about something you watched, read, etc where the characters had the personality of a cardboard box and see how easy it is to ship characters or if theyre somewhat passable, chances are you can
I should add the disclaimer that this works for normal ships and not the questionable ones so this rule of thumb shouldnt be applied to incest (Luke Skywalker x Darth Vader), adult x minor (All Might x Eri), etc. Those kind of ships are automatically bad lol so this rule of thumb would be useless, for both good and bad stories regardless if they had dynamic characters, if you factored in such relations
Its been helpful in conceptualising my own stories, if all characters could all potentially be partners then I tell myself its still half baked, if I have a sizeable amount of characters that would vomit at the prospect of having to date another character I tell myself that Ive made some progress. Now to you veteran writers, youve probably already seen the problem with this rule. The problem being te rule is useless when simply thinking up of pairings that involve protagonist x nemesis (Green Lantern x Sinestro) BUT believe it or not I didnt come up with this rule for that but rather as a way to test how good of a friendship characters have. There are characters that would do anything for each other, die for each other, share a house with each other but never date each other because they view the other as a sibling. Think something like Zuko and Aang (barring their sexualities)
If im trying to write characters that have a brotherly like bond I apply my rule of thumb. If they can be shipped and its possible or somewhat palatable then I havent done enough to flesh out their character. Dynamic protagonists, deuteragonist, etc will have quirks and traits that dont mesh well with those they are close to which is fine, much like how a lot of people wouldnt date their best friend. It adds a layer and sense of realism even though its somewhat small it could have a decent effect on the overall plot. Cant really think of an example right now but uh maybe something like 2 very close characters being viewed as a couple by outsiders but upon learning this the characters display to others (as well as the reader) their various quirks that make them incompatible. Not only do you get to flesh out the characters but also have an in-universe excuse to have an exposition of them with great detail
Further disclaimers: If you read all of this, great job on you and thanks for taking the time to read about my random idea! Im adding this lil section here cuz of how people can be. In the case someone comments (insert something I totally didnt say) I can just point to this disclaimer. First, id like to say theres nothing wrong with shipping and I do enjoy the exploration of rare pairs, while I disagree that some ships are plausible within the cannon I would be a liar to say I dont consume them and sometimes enjoy them. If you wanna ship a ship that akes no sense within the cannon go for it have fun, I dont care lol. Secondly, id like to state that this is a rule of thumb I came up with and decided to share as it may be a good and useful writing tool HOWEVER this rule isnt gonna be applicable to all forms of writing, if youre a creative you should recognise that there are no hard or set rules in art but rather guidelines but even with that they only apply SOMETIMES. Sometimes crazy ships make sense within the context within a story whether its because of a radical shift in the characters behaviour or the plot or even both. This was something I thought of a while back and thought id share with my fellow writers so please dont take this as me saying "if all the characters in your story can be shipped then its shit". Thirdly I wrote this all in one go so there are probably grammatical errors and other junk in here ill probably notice later, I may or may not have other things to add in the case I do I will add an "Edit:" before adding any new paragraph, but then again all depends on if im lazy to fix any of this lol

I sat down with my morning coffee and opened my email. It was bursting at the seams as usual.
I clicked on the first link and started skimming through its contents.
I grew up in a haunted house… normally used to this stuff… this was the first time I was ever scared.
Interesting.
There was a video file attached. I clicked on it.
It was a video from a doorbell camera. The video feed looked out onto a beautiful wrap-around porch complete with flower boxes and an American flag blowing in the evening breeze. A few bugs flittered by, but I couldn’t see why I had been sent the video. Then I saw it.
Just barely visible in the darkness, peeking from behind the flower boxes was a face. It didn’t move, you’d think it might be a statue by how still it was, and although about 75% of the face was obscured by the flower box, I could tell it wasn’t human. The skin looked rough, like papier-mâché and the proportions were off. It was a bit uncanny.
The wind blew the flowers in the flower box revealing slightly more of the face. One of the face’s large, unblinking eyes was exposed. Like I said, the proportions were off. It was too big, with no lashes or brow, just a giant white circle with a smaller black circle in the middle. It looked almost cartoony. It started directly into the camera. I started to think someone had just placed a creepy mask in front of the camera until I saw it blink.
A shiver ran up my spine and I had to turn around to check my own surroundings. I have to do that sometimes when I get scared. Just a habit from childhood.
When I turned back to the video screen the face was gone. The video clip ended a few seconds later.
Nope, hell nah. I am not getting involved with whatever that was.
I send a message back:
Heyyyy,
Yuck! Pretty weird, but I can’t help with that, sorry! Maybe try the police?
I opened the next email.
We have something in our house. I can’t sleep. I’m worried for the safety of my daughter.
Blah blah blah.
Another video file was attached.
The video was from a mother’s cell phone as she crept silently through a house. She arrived outside of a bedroom door decorated with unicorns and a sign that read, “Sarah’s room,” in bold letters under which another sign spelled NO BOYS ALLOWED.
I could hear something from the other side of the door. It’s quiet at first, but as the camera draws nearer I could make out the muffled sounds of children whispering to each other and the sounds of toys being dragged across a hardwood floor.
A hand comes into frame as the mother slowly pushes the bedroom door open revealing the messy room of a little girl. Toys are strewn everywhere, Barbies, Hot Wheels and ponies.
The girl who I presume to be Sarah is asleep in her bed.
The mother says quietly to no one in particular, “Don’t disturb my daughter. She needs to sleep.” There are a few seconds of silence. The mother lets out a sigh of relief feeling she’s won this battle. She takes a step towards her daughter, presumably to check on her or kiss her on the forehead, when a low growl fills the room.
“No,” the woman says quietly, but firmly, into the room like a mother would to a misbehaving child. There’s another few seconds of silence, then, like a lightning bolt, a long black arm lashes out from under the child’s bed, grabs a toy from the floor of the room and pulls it back into the shadows.
The mother screams in terror, the daughter wakes up screaming.
The video ends.
Nope. Don’t feel like messing with that one either. I still look under my bed all the time.
I shoot an email back.
Pretty Spooky!
This isn’t my area of expertise, looks like you might need a priest or a rabbi or shaman or those ‘spiritual’ girls you see at music festivals, but not me!
Hope this helps :P
On to the next email.
Ever since my roommate passed away, things have been going missing in my house. I think he might be haunting me. Is this a situation you could help with?
Bingo! Easy Money.
During the pandemic I started a side-gig as an online psychic to earn a little bit of pocket money. It started with Tarot cards and palm readings and has since evolved into…something else. Once COVID restrictions eased I started doing house calls. It’s a fun gig. I make good money and meet some VERY interesting people.
Only thing is I didn’t believe in any of this shit. I would make it all up.
I started off in my Zoom call days by reading a script I wrote with a couple friends after a few beers, I’ve got it memorized now. Actually, I’ve memorized several different scripts now. Sprinkle in a little improv here and there, and I’m as good as the real thing. Honestly, I think I’m just a good salesman. Confidence takes you a long way in this racket.
Sometimes I feel bad and think, “Maybe I should just start selling cars or something,” but I can’t give this up, it’s just too much fun. And it's so easy.
The thing is, when people lose a loved one, they start going a little bit crazy. They don’t sleep, they forget to eat, they are constantly stressed out dealing with funeral arrangements, grieving loved ones and restructuring their support systems. They get a little bit harebrained and eventually they misplace something. They forget they leave the TV on downstairs and hear voices when they are lying in bed. Sometimes they are so stressed and sleep deprived they straight-up hallucinate.
That’s where I come in. A knight in shining armor.
I tell them it will all be okay; I pass a message to them from their deceased loved one saying how proud they are of the person they have become. I prescribe some hot tea and a good night of sleep and bam – haunting nipped in the bud. The client gets a clear head and fresh start on the rest of their life and I get a pocket full of cash. The placebo effect is the real deal.
I knocked on the door of the tiny shotgun house 2 days later around noon. The door opened and a small Mexican man stood in the doorway wearing jeans and a black T-shirt with Tweety Bird and the Taz the Tasmanian Devil on it. He looked tired.
“Hi! Are you Pedro?” I asked the man.
“Yeah, are you…” He pulled out one of my business cards from his pocket, “Mystical Mike?”
Don’t laugh at the name. Magic Mike was already trademarked and alliteration is a winning business strategy.
“Yup that’s me”
I followed Pedro into the house and found myself standing in the living room. A basic set up with a TV, coffee table, couch and a loveseat. The other side of the room was occupied by a small and dirty kitchen. A small kitchen table bifurcated the two spaces. A short hallway connected the living areas to two bedrooms and a bathroom.
We sat at the kitchen table and Pedro gave me the rundown about what had been happening. His roommate passed away about 2 weeks ago under suspicious circumstances. He was a happy, healthy 28-year-old with a clean bill of health and no drugs in his system. Pedro found him dead in the bathtub. Heart attack was the official cause of death.
Since his passing, Pedro claimed things have been getting moved or going missing. He says he hears his roommate’s bedroom door open and close on its own some nights.
You know, typical ghost shit. This was going to be another easy client.
Now Pedro was Mexican, and Mexican means Catholic. Catholics grow up in a ritual rich environment - Reconciliations, confirmations, the transubstantiation of the communion. If your client is Catholic you can’t just walk around the house burning sage or an incense stick. You need a ritual. You need props.
I carry a bag of props with me to each jobsite. Every type of client needs a different type of prop. Among a few other knickknacks, it’s got a handful of Crystals for the ‘spiritual’ girls, incense and sage for the indigenous, a Bible, Torah and a Quran for the religious, an EMF reader for the skeptics or the scientifically inclined, a couple granola bars if I get hungry, and for the Catholics i have a few crosses and rosaries. I also have a Ouija board. Some clients go crazy for the Ouija.
I pulled out the Ouija board and Pedro’s eyes went wide. I immediately knew this was the right tool for the job.
“Are you sure about that,” he asked, pointing at the Ouija board, “I heard bad things happen after people use those things.”
“Don’t worry Pedro, you’re in the hands of a capable professional,” I lied, “I know exactly what I’m doing,”
I set up the board between us, lit some candles and burned the end of a stick of incense. Ready to blow Pedro’s mind.
Before starting I had one last question for Pedro, “What was your roommate's name?”
“Archibald”
“Oh god, seriously?” I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah, he went by Arch, so it really wasn’t too bad”
“Ok, yeah that makes sense. Let’s start this thing.”
I placed my fingers lightly on the planchette in front of us and coaxed Pedro to do the same as I started the ceremony. I started by reciting a few Latin phrases I had memorized after taking it as a foreign language in high school. It was mostly nonsense. It started off with the opening line from one of Cicero’s famous speeches that I was forced to recite for an oral exam, followed by a series of pauses and random words.
Quamdiu mihi consuli designato, Catilina, insidiatus es, non publico me praesidio, sed privata diligentia defendi!
Pūmilio!
Mea Culpa!
Habeas corpus!
If I ever come across a client who actually knows Latin, I’d be screwed, so it’s a good thing almost no one does.
I switched back over to English.
“Archibald! I call you to witness!”
I started moving the planchette slowly around the board, not landing on anything in particular, just to give Pedro the sense something was happening.
“That’s not you, is it?” Pedro asked, a thin mustache of sweat forming on his upper lip. He shook his head in disbelief, for a guy with a darker complexion he was very pale.
Again, I called out to the ‘spirits’, “Is this this spirit of Arch?”
I began to move the planchette towards the ‘YES’ section of the Ouija board, about halfway there I encountered some resistance. The planchette froze. I couldn’t move it. It was as if it was glued to the board itself. Weird.
Improvising, I called out another question, “What do you want from Pedro?”
My fingers tingled and seemed to grow hot as I tried to move the planchette, still it remained frozen in place. Then, slowly, the wooden planchette drifted to H then E. I glanced up at Pedro to see if he was fucking with me. His face was as white as a sheet of paper and he was taking huge deep breaths like a dying fish as he looked down at the planchette, horrified. I get the sense he was faking.
The planchette continued sliding around the board. K then N over to O then W then S.
HE KNOWS.
Pedro looked up at me for the first time since the ritual began. He was trembling.
“Pedro, what's going on?” I asked him, “What do you know?”
Just then, Pedro and I both pulled our hands back in pain as the planchette erupted in flames. This is when I started to feel like I was the one being conned. I looked under the table for magnets or any type of machinery that could manipulate my planchette. I waved my hand over the flaming wooden disk in case somehow Pedro had managed to rig some sort of thin wire to it. All my searches came up empty.
A primal fear grew in my belly.
The planchette started sliding quickly back and forth across the Ouija board stopping at letters too quickly for us to even register which letter it briefly rested on.
“No mames!” Pedro shouted, “What’s it saying?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” I had no idea what to do in this situation? Ask it to slow down? That made sense, “Excuse me, Ghost? Can you slow it down? You’re going too fast for us to understand you”
The planchette came to an abrupt halt and the small flame extinguished itself just as quickly. A beat later, Pedro and I heard a Click from across the room. The television had turned itself on.
Click click click
Pedro and I watched in silence as the television flicked through several channels before landing on a random daytime soap opera. It was muted. We watched the characters act out a silent argument on the screen for a few seconds before the TV unmuted itself just in time for one of the characters to shout, “I SAID-”
Click click. The TV cycled through some more stations.
Liam Neeson appeared on the screen, “Give me back–”
Click click click click
The TV stopped on a wounded soldier in the jungle who screamed, “My Leg!” before the television muted him.
Pedro gasped and clasped a hand to his mouth.
Click click click.
The TV stopped again, this time on a man in a beanie in a meth lab. It unmuted itself, “BITCH!”
Pedro got up from the table and walked into his room. I could hear him opening his closet and rummaging around.
Click click click.
I sat there in silence while the television started playing the Final Jeopardy music.
The whole experience was just too bizarre. I could feel everything I had known about the world melt and re-arrange itself in my head. What did any of this mean? What powers have I been tempting and tampering with the past few years, and worst of all – were all those emails I get everyday actually legitimate? I felt like someone had just poured ice water down my back.
I had figured they were just people pranking me. People who figured I was conning people and wanted to poke a little bit of fun.
I quickly packed the Ouija board and was about to leave the house, when –
Click click click click
Kendrick Lamar popped up on the screen, “Sit down. Be Humble.”
I sat my ass back down at the kitchen table. A few moments later Pedro walked back into the room carrying a disgusting looking prosthetic leg. He dropped it onto the table with a loud thud.
Click click click click click
“BURN IT” the television shouted; I didn’t see what was on the screen.
Click click click.
Samwise Gamgee was on the screen now, shouting at Frodo, “Throw it in the fire!”
Pedro pulled a lighter out of his pocket and moved towards the leg.
“Wait,” I said to him, “I’m not sure that is a good idea”
Pedro looked confused, “If we give it what it wants, won’t it leave me alone?”
He was desperate, and I understood that. The past 10 minutes had completely shattered my entire worldview, even so, I had watched enough movies to understand that when dealing with an entity like this, you shouldn’t blindly bow to its will. Giving an evil entity something that it wants might only serve to make them more powerful allowing them to tighten their grasp on you.
“I’ll take it,” I said reflexively. It was the first solution that entered my mind. I didn’t want to take it, but that seemed like the path of least resistance to get the hell out of this house where I couldn’t think.
“Be my guest,” Pedro pushed the leg towards me and pocketed the lighter.
The television was screaming at me.
Click click
“Idiot”
Click
“Fool”
Click click click click
“…What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you…”
I tossed the leg into my bag and headed towards the door.
“Wait,” Pedro called after me, “Don’t I need to pay you?”
I was so focused on getting out of this house I had completely forgotten. I turned to look at Pedro and saw behind him in the kitchen all of the gas burners on the stove were ignited and the cabinets all hung open. I couldn’t wait to get out of here.
“Just hit me on PayPal,” I said, turning again to leave.
“Wait,” Pedro called again, “Do you offer Apprenticeships?”
I stared at the man, dumbfounded. Apprenticeships? What am I, a welder?
“No” I answered
“Wait,” Pedro asked yet another time, “This was really cool and I’d like to be a part of it, what about internships?”
“Jesus Christ, man,” I was on the verge of breaking, I was physically repulsed by this house, my hand trembled on the doorknob, “Sure, you’re hired, just call me next week, you have my number.” Anything to make this guy stop asking me questions.
I pulled open the door and headed to my car. The last thing I heard from the tv before I closed it behind me was, “I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you”
That’s how I came into possession of the leg and my intern, Pedro, but things only got weirder from there.

Wednesday May1

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Brooklyn Paramount	Belle & Sebastian + The Weather Station	8pm, SOLD OUT
Main Drag	Locations x Anthony & Sons Sandwiches Residency feat. Warpark + Locations + Le Boss	8pm, $25 (+ free sandwiches from Anthony's at 7pm)
Baby's All Right	Porridge Radio (solo)	10pm, $15

Thursday May 2

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Baby's All Right	Lime Garden + Starcleaner Reunion	7pm, $20
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Dustin Kensrue of Thrice + The Brevet + Brother Bird	8pm, $30
Our Wicked Lady	Show Brain presents a benefit concert for Punk Island feat. T!LT + Abbie Roper + Caitlin Starr + Crusasis	8pm, $15
Purgatory	Puppy Angst + Trinket + Bummer Camp + Dogs on Shady Lane	8pm, $15
The Sultan Room	Owen + Lily Seabird	8pm, $20
TV EYE	The Lemon Twigs + Thee Smashing Times	8pm, SOLD OUT
Union Pool	A Benefit for UNRWA feat. Sidney Gish + My Wonderful Boyfriend + Pearjuice	8pm, SOLD OUT

Friday May 3

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Washington Square Park	Vincent Blackshadow + Mary Shelley + Maya Lucia + Caitlin Starr	3pm, FREE
Baby's All Right	PACKS + Why Bonnie	7:30m, $20
Bowery Ballroom	SINKANE + Midnight Magic	9pm, $35
The Broadway	Pamphlets Take Your Place album release show + Colatura + Sharkswimmer	8pm, $15
Brooklyn Paramount	The Decemberists + Ratboys	8pm, $61
Brooklyn Steel	Panchiko + Weatherday	8pm, $35
Music Hall of Williamsburg	SlothrustOf Course You Do 10 yr anniversary + Weakened Friends	9pm, $25
Our Wicked Lady	Rights of Spring Day 1/3 feat. Bitterjoyride + Eevie Echoes (& The Locations) + High Waisted + Abbie Roper + Wetsuit + Avatareden + T@b Grrrl + Iceblynk	7pm, $25
Union Pool	Chastity trilogy tour - 3 records in 66.6 minutes	8pm, $15

Saturday May 4

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
18th Ward Brewing	The New Colossus Festival Presents Summer Saturdays feat. The Answers In Between + The Overhead Bins + yael s. copeland + Rat Palace + The Fictionals	2pm, FREE
Brooklyn Steel	Ra Ra Riot + Low Hum	8pm, SOLD OUT
Forest Hills Stadium	SESSANTA: A 60th Birthday Celebration for Maynard James Keenan feat. Primus + Puscifer + A Perfect Circle	6pm, $70
Knitting Factory @ Baker Falls	Maxband record release show + Landowner + Docents	8:30pm, $15
Our Wicked Lady	Rights of Spring Day 1/3 feat. Gocco + The Canvas Collective + SORRYNOTSORRY + Debbie Dopamine + Wifeknife + The Martyr + Sex Fixx + Barnaby + Kalen	7pm, $25
The Rooftop at Pier 17	Social Distortion + Bad Religion	SOLD OUT?
Purgatory	Spite Fuxxx + NihilocerosDark Ice Balloons record release show + Two-Man Giant Squid + Brook Pridemore	7:30pm, $15
Racket	Feeble Little Horse + The Dallas Cowboys	8:30pm, $25
Rough Trade	Mannequin Pussy Performance & signing	SOLD OUT
Terminal 5	Bayside + Finch + Armor for Sleep	8pm, $35

Sunday May 5

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Our Wicked Lady	Rights of Spring Day 2/3 feat. Gold Casio + Femcel + Shadow Monster + Frida Kill + Julia Pierce + DethRok + The Rizzos + Catty + Proprietary Energy Faggots + Just Fabulous + Majorette	4pm, $25
Arlene's Grocery	Bands do BK presents The Music Matters Day 1/3 feat. TVOD + Tetchy + A Very Special Episode + Tilden + Big Girl	7pm, $15
Brooklyn Paramount	Sum 41 + The Interrupters + Joey Valence & Brae	7pm, $70
Roulette	Long Play Festival feat. Deerhoof + The Eileen Myles, Steve Gunn and Ryan Sawyer Trio	8:30pm, SOLD OUT
Trans-Pecos	Plight + In Blue + Glimmer + The Twin	7:30pm, $15

Monday May 6

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Arlene's Grocery	Bands do BK presents The Music Matters Day 2/3 feat. Mary Shelley + Two-Man Giant Squid + partygirl + Nevva + O. Wake	7pm, $15
Brooklyn Paramount	Sum 41 + The Interrupters + Joey Valence & Brae	7pm, $70

Tuesday May 7

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Arlene's Grocery	Bands do BK presents The Music Matters Day 3/3 feat. SKORTS + Night Spins + Go Home + Jelly Kelly + Avatareden	7pm, $15
Baby's All Right	Babehoven + Knifeplay	7pm, $20
The Bowery Electric	Geoff Rickly of Thursday + Common Sage + Sharkswimmer	pm, $15
Hart Bar	Harla + Grasping Straws + watergh0st + Rest Ashore	8pm, $15
Purgatory	Marblemouth + Options + Theadoore	8:30pm, $15
Warsaw	Chastity Belt	pm, $20

Wednesday May 8

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
The Rooftop at Pier 17	Social Distortion + Bad Religion	SOLD OUT?
Warsaw	Fontaines D.C.	8pm, SOLD OUT

Thursday May 9

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
ALPHAVILLE	The Wants residency + S.C.A.B. + QIRL	8:30pm, $15
Bowery Ballroom	L'Rain	9pm, $30
(le) poisson rouge	Cloud Nothings	7:30pm, $30
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Sweet Pill + Equipment + Taking Meds	8pm, $20
Rough Trade NYC	Say Anything (acoustic)	6pm, $20
Trans-Pecos	Trauma Ray + Kraus + Mx Lonely + Bedridden	7:30pm, $12

Friday May 10

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Bar Freda	Waterfall Strainer + Endearments + Phantom Signals + Moon Sand Land	8:30pm, $12
Brooklyn Paramount	Say Anything Is A Real Boy 20th Anniversary Tour + AJJ + Greet Death	pm, SOLD OUT
Gold Souds	Upper Wilds + Hallelujah the Hills + KATIEE
Knitting Factory @ Baker Falls	Sofia Zarzuela + Mila DeGray + Glimmer + Moxie Pocket
Main Drag	Mahogany vinyl release show + Mahogany + My Favorite + Honeycrush + Minaxi
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Cheekface + yungatita
Our Wicked Lady	Laura Galindo + Stello + Big Honey + Fish House
Purgatory	Trace Mountains
Saint Vitus	The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die + Chained to the bottom of the Ocean + Burr + Common Sage	8pm, $25
Trans-Pecos	Woolbright + Cold Wrecks + Figure Eight + Anxioushum	7:30pm, $15
Webster Hall	Psychedelic Porn Crumpets

Saturday May 11

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
18th Ward Brewing	The New Colossus Festival Presents Summer Saturdays feat. School of Rock Williamsburg	2pm, FREE
Brooklyn Paramount	Hot Water Music 30th anniversary tour + Quicksand + Modern Life is War + The Ergs	pm, $40
Mercury Lounge	McKinley Dixon	7pm, $17
Mercury Lounge	Alex Orange Drink + Tall Juan + John Gallagher Jr. + Greensleeves	9:30pm, $18
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Bad Bad Hats + PRONOUN + OK Cowgirl	8pm, $18

Sunday May 12

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Brooklyn Steel	Holly Humberstone + Carol Ades	8pm, $30
Palladium Times Square	Blind Guardian + Night Demon	8pm, $50

Monday May 13

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Carnegie Hall	The Music of Crosby, Stills & Nash feat. Todd Rundgren + Grace Potter + Taylor Meier of Caamp + Iron and Wine + Rickie Lee Jones + Shawn Colvin + Real Estate + Aoife O'Donovan + Neal Francis + Sammy Rae + Yola + Joseph	8pm, $60+
TV EYE	King Bug + Big Spirit + Shadow Monster	8pm, $15

Tuesday May 14

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Forest Hills Stadium	Neil Young & Crazy Horse	7:30pm, SOLD OUT
Union Pool	Climax LandersZenith No Effects record release show + Esther's Lab + Penny + Danny Christmas	8pm, $15

Wednesday May 15

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Bowery Ballroom	Helmet + Cro-Mags	8pm, $30
Brooklyn Steel	Amen Dunes + Billy Woods	8pm, $30
Forest Hills Stadium	Neil Young & Crazy Horse	7:30pm, $125+
Heaven Can Wait	The Upstart Crows + TV Moms + The Last Word	7:30pm, $12
Irving Plaza	Sunny Day Real Estate 30th Anniversary Tour + Rocket	7pm, $50
Our Wicked Lady	A Very Special Episode + Toward Space + Desert Sharks + Blood of the Bull	8pm, $15
Public Records	AdHoc presents Kara Jackson + Mei Semones	8pm, SOLD OUT

Thursday May 16

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
18th Ward Brewing	No Jersey + Perfect Saturday + Dan Flashes + babyfang	7pm, $15
ALPHAVILLE	The Wants residency + Terminator + Pisha	8:30pm, $15
Brooklyn Made	Loosey + Miranda and The Beat + Dog Date + Sliders	8pm, $20
Brooklyn Steel	Mannequin Pussy + SoulGlo	8pm, SOLD OUT
Elsewhere - Hall	Mk.gee	8pm, SOLD OUT
Irving Plaza	Sunny Day Real Estate 30th Anniversary Tour + Rocket	7pm, $50
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Les Savy Fav + Public Practice	8pm, $25
Our Wicked Lady	QWAM + Debbie Dopamine single release show + Anna Altman + Krissanthemum	8pm, $15
Public Records	AdHoc presents Kara Jackson + Anastasia Coope	8pm, SOLD OUT
Racket	Swans + Kristof Hahn	8pm, $42
Baby's All Right	Fazerdaze (solo) + Mei Seimones	10pm, $15

Friday May 17

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Bowery Ballroom	Narrow Head + Dazy + Wishy	8pm, $25
The Broadway	O. Wake + Endearments + hiFi	9pm, $15
Brooklyn Steel	Echo & The Bunnymen	8pm, SOLD OUT
Forest Hills Stadium	The Avett Brothers + Sierra Ferrell	7pm, $60+
Irving Plaza	Mk.gee	8pm, SOLD OUT
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Swans + Kristof Hahn	8pm, $42
Union Pool	Heavy Feather & The Magic Word + Boyscoutmarie + Rat Palace	8pm, $15

Saturday May 18

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
18th Ward Brewing	The New Colossus Festival Presents Summer Saturdays feat. The Answers In Between + The Overhead Bins + yael s. copeland + Rat Palace + The Fictionals	2pm, FREE
2 Wyckoff Avenue	Sound Mind Music Street Festival for Mental Health feat. Kevin Morby + MisterWives + SHAED + Bailen	2pm, FREE
18th Ward Brewing	Di Ivories + BEND + North by North + LEONE	7pm, $15
ALPHAVILLE	STUY + Chronic + Exit Seraphim	8:30pm, $15
Berlin	Ringo Deathstar + Ovlov + The Veldts	7pm, SOLD OUT
Main Drag	New Vision + T!LT + Spite FuXXX + Broken Demeanor	8pm, $15
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Swans + Kristof Hahn	8pm, $42
TV EYE	Theophobia + Royale Minks + OK King	8pm, $15
Union Pool	Couvo + Big Girl + Reclining Nude	8pm, $15
The Windjammer	Jeerleader + Alphabet City + Marinara	9pm, $15
Aboard (some boat) via Skyport Marina	Rocks Off Cruises presents Ringo Deathstar + Ovlov	Boat leaves at 11:30pm, $35

Sunday May 19

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
ALPHAVILLE	King Bug + The Wizard + Shira + Onward Debacle	8:30pm, $15
Bar Freda	Dollar Signs + The Big Easy + Perennial + Good Looking Friends + Strawberry Glass	8pm, $15
Berlin	Ilithios + Project Diem + Lukka + To the Wedding	7pm, $12
Brooklyn Monarch	Beach Party feat. Drain + Madball + Terror + Scowl + Regulate + End It + Trail of Lies + Private Mind	5pm, SOLD OUT
The Sultan Room	Ron Gallo (solo)	7pm, $20
Sundown	Radiator Hospital (solo) + Noun (Marissa Paternoster solo)	8pm, SOLD OUT

Monday May 20

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Baby's All Right	GUPPY + Kenneth Takanami	7pm, $15
Bowery Ballroom	Drain + Teenage Wrist + Stand Still	8pm, $27
Sundown	Radiator Hospital (solo) + Noun (Marissa Paternoster, solo)	10pm, $25

Tuesday May 21

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
The Broadway	Gladie + Shit Present + Talking Kind + Crush Fund	8pm, $15
Purgatory	Palestine Benefit feat. Katy Kirby + Helenor + Jules Olson	8pm, $15+
Racket	CKY + Crobot	8:30pm, $30
Sony Hall	Buckethead	8pm, $45
The Sultan Room	Tredici Bacci + Ryan Power + Jolee Gordon	8pm, $20
Union Pool	Squirrel Flower (solo) + Merce Lemon	8pm, $20

Wednesday May 22

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
The Broadway	Decent Criminal + The Dracu-Las + Bummer Camp + Wifey	8pm, $15
Brooklyn Bowl	Teenage Halloween + My Son The Doctor + Tony & The Kiki + Skorts	8pm, $15
Brooklyn Paramount	Amos Lee + special guests	7:30pm, $40
Elsewhere - Zone One	Empress Of + DJ_Dave	8pm, SOLD OUT
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Saint Vitus + The Bowery Presents present Fleshwater + Modern Color + 9Million	8pm, SOLD OUT
National Sawdust	Julia Jacklinresidency + Squirrel Flower	8pm, SOLD OUT
Radio City Music Hall	Sleep Token	8pm, SOLD OUT
Sony Hall	Buckethead	8pm, $45
The Sultan Room	Another Michael + Tenci + Raavi	8pm, $20

Thursday May 23

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
ALPHAVILLE	The Wantsresidency + Activity + Nara's Room	8:30pm, $15
Arlene's Grocery	Yeah Baby + Coral Grief + Brother Language	7pm, $15
Bowery Ballroom	Hairpin + Bec Lauder + Kitten	8pm,
Mercury Lounge	Ben Katzman + Colleen Green	9:30pm,
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Gustaf + Edy Modica + Dead Tooth	8pm, $17
Purgatory	Sweetbreads + Slight Of + Majorette	8pm, $12
Sleepwalk	Twin Shadow performing Forget + Wynne Bennett	8pm, SOLD OUT rescheduled from March 14
Trans-Pecos	Harvey Waters + Silvia K. + S.C.A.B. + Many Shining Windows	7:30pm, $15

Friday May 24

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
ALPHAVILLE	Strange Neighbors + Sweetbreads + Wish Queen	8:30pm, $15
Baby's All Right	Motherfolk + Kevin Devine	8pm, $30
The Broadway	Rat Motel + partygirl + This Holy Rodeo + Uncle Skunk	8pm $15
Elsewhere - Zone One	Empress Of + Petal Supply	8pm, SOLD OUT
Main Drag Music	Dad + Wifeknife + Lost Children + Other Problems + Faiders	8pm, $15
Mercury Lounge	Washer + No Lights	9:30pm, $15
Sleepwalk	Twin Shadow performing Forget + Wynne Bennett	8pm, SOLD OUT rescheduled from March 15
Union Pool	Ok Cowgirl "Little Splinters" single release show + Charlotte Rose Benjamin + Hank Heaven	8pm, $15

Saturday May 25

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
18th Ward Brewing	The New Colossus Festival Presents Summer Saturdays feat. TBA	2pm, FREE
ALPHAVILLE	SKORTS + Boyscoutmarie + Genuine Connection + First Sex	8:30pm, $15
Brooklyn Made	Habibi album release show	8pm, $25
Elsewhere - Zone One	Empress Of + GIRL_IRL	8pm, SOLD OUT
Knitting Factory @ Baker Falls	Pearla + Yours Are the Only Ears	7:30pm, $16
Public Records	Salt Cathedral + NOIA	8pm, $20
Purgatory	Cardiel + Aux Blood + Laurel Canyon + Le Bang	7:30pm, $12
The Rockaway Hotel	The Heavy Heavy + Sid Simons	7pm, $30
Trans-Pecos	Leaving Time + Hollow Suns + High.	7:30pm, $15
Knockdown Center	Fatboy Slim	10pm, $30
Baby's All Right	ANTICS fundraiser feat. Shallowhalo + Kassie Krut	11pm, $20

Sunday May 26

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Sleepwalk	Twin Shadow performing Forget + Wynne Bennett	8pm, SOLD OUT rescheduled from March 15

Monday May 27 - Memorial Day

None.

Tuesday May 28

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Irving Plaza	Passion Pit	7pm, SOLD OUT

Wednesday May 29

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Bowery Ballroom	Head Automatica + Thoughtcrimes	8pm, $37
The Broadway	Shred Flintstone + Diet Lite + Pamphlets	8pm, $15
Irving Plaza	Passion Pit	7pm, SOLD OUT
National Sawdust	Julia Jacklinresidency + special guest	8pm, SOLD OUT
TV EYE	Magick Potion single release show + Indigo Fuzz + Certain Death + Duel Ferns	7:30pm, $15
The Sultan Room	Shop Talk + Sleepies + Frida Kill	10pm, $15

Thursday May 30

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Brooklyn Steel
Knitting Factory @ Baker Falls	The New Colossus Festival x Super Bock Stock present Lio & Stever's Colossal Birthday Bash feat. Nino Disco + Dead Tooth + Balaclava + Starcleaner Reunion + Pippy	8pm, $15
Mercury Lounge	Glom	6pm, $15
Music Hall of Williamsburg	Kacy Hill + May Rio	8pm, $22
Our Wicked Lady	Pons single release show + Wince tour kick-off show + Pop Music Fever Dream + Tea Eater	8pm, $15
Rough Trade NYC	Habibi	6pm, FREE
Trans-Pecos	Johnny Dyamite & the Bloodsuckers + Snoozer + Public Circuit + 54 Ultra	7:30pm, $15
TV EYE	Raisalka + Baked + The Zells + Dropper	8pm, $15
Union Pool	Slow Ficiton Crush EP release show + Patiently	8pm, $15
Warsaw	Shannon and the Clams + Tropa Magica	8pm, SOLD OUT

Friday May 31

VENUE	EVENT / LINE-UP	TIME / DOOR PRICE
Gold Sounds	Richard Papiercuts + Onesie + Momsomnia + The Roulettes	8pm, $15
Market Hotel	HEAVENLY + Lightheaded	8pm, SOLD OUT
The Meadows	Bad Rabbits + Proper. + Origami Button	7pm, $25
Music Hall of Williamsburg	A Place to Bury Strangers + Suuns + JJUUJJUU	8pm, $25
Our Wicked Lady	RADAR + Substitute + Heavy Lag + The Follies	8pm, $15
The Rooftop at Pier 17	Needtobreathe + Judah & the Lion	7:30pm, $50
Rough Trade	Arooj Aftab	6pm, SOLD OUT
The Sultan Room	Finom + Frances Chang	8pm, $20
Terminal 5	Knocked Loose + Show Me the Body + Loathe + Speed	8pm, SOLD OUT
Warsaw	Passion Pit	8pm, $70

​
^{last updated May 5 at 4:38pm}

I’m 30F living in my hometown. I’ve actively chosen not to get on the apps while I’ve been living here because I’m planning to move away once I’m able to switch jobs. I’ve been addicted to them in the past so I haven’t wanted to complicate my life by getting involved with anyone.
I meet a guy (31M) organically in a bar and he had even mentioned that he had seen me out before and had wanted to talk to me. We end up talking for hours at the bar, move to his place and continue talking for hours and hookup throughout the night.
I was like well that was a good sexual experience, I needed that. I would’ve been fine to keep it there and even told him I’m moving away so I don’t want to get into anything serious, but I know that things can change. He mentioned he’s on dating apps, and I mean I’m hooking up with him so it makes sense, we just happened to meet in person and not online.
It quickly becomes a strong emotional connection. We are going on picnics, baking together, reading together, etc. These were all of his ideas. He consistently sends me very thoughtful and (seemingly) genuine messages. Typically this would give me the ick but instead I had a crush for the first time in what seemed like forever. Talked about deeply emotional and personal things, I listened intently to his family strife and personal issues and he did the same for me.v I felt like we really heard eachother. It’s like this for 6 ish weeks.
I saw him last weekend and he wasn’t initiating touch in the same way and all of his usual compliments weren’t there. Even so, he’s telling me that the bartender asked if he was still seeing me and he said yes. He invites me to his hometown a few hours away for an event in June, but then his entire body language seems off. I’m very hypervigilant to any sort of change in an interaction and I instantly kind of shut down. He tells me he doesn’t want to have sex, which is fine, no one should feel like they are expected to, but after having a very intimate date baking and cooking together it seemed strange. He seems super preoccupied with his phone and texting for a lot of the night, which he hasn’t done before. I told him I felt a shift and that I was going to leave. He holds me tighter and says that he loves spending time with me and almost reactively gets affectionate. He usually walks me to my car and didn’t.
Fast forward, I scale back on the texting. I always match the energy I’m given. My friend is on hinge and pulls up his profile. Again, I knew he had it but clearly he’s actively using it. It makes you feel like you’re not good enough (even if I know it’s his deal) and I know that feeling unsure means that he’s just not that into you. But also, if I had just seen the profile I probably wouldn’t have swiped right.
Why set up these elaborate, intimate dates, ask me to meet your family, give me fencing lessons, and then completely pull back from it?
I’m a bit frustrated at myself for letting my guard down, but I genuinely thought this was sincere and different. I haven’t felt this bad about a dating experience in such a long time. I’ve been pretty avoidant and emotionally unavailable for a while, so being able to put my guard down with someone that felt “safe” was big for me. Experiencing that deep heart wrenching pang, and then I feel like I’m insane for having this reaction.
I want to have a chat with him and put a close to this situationship, but I’m struggling to figure out how to articulate how I’m feeling without seeming like I’m overreacting. Idk.
Any and all help welcome.

First Previous Next
Patreon Official Subreddit Series Wiki Royal Road
Dragon’s Heart Tower, Level 23, Residence 30, Ilunor and Thalmin’s Bedroom. Local Time: 00:10 Hours.
Ilunor
Anger was not an unknown color to the lupinor’s palette of expressions.
In fact, most of what I’d known of the man had been a mix of anger, frustration, with a healthy dose of aggression mixed in when the odd shouting match erupted.
Yet despite that, never had I known what true anger looked like until now.
Never once was I privy to this particular side of the lupinor.
And perhaps, it should have stayed that way. Not for my own sakes, but for the sake of the man I’d hazard to call an acquaintance in any other instance, but in the wake of recent events… had become something of a necessary ally within exterminating circumstances.
“Thalmin?” I spoke softly, taking a few tentative steps towards the man who sat there, gazing pensively out the bedroom’s main window. “Is there something you wish to speak about?”
“Now’s not the best time for your nightly stories, Ilunor.” The man grumbled back, his tone carrying with it that same timbre of annoyance, but hiding beneath it a heavy and palpable burden.
“No, no. I wasn’t about to regale you with another one of my many tales.” I stood there proudly, if only to uphold that facade that if it were to fall, would’ve caused me a great degree of personal abashedness.
I didn’t want to admit what I was doing.
Because it felt… abnormal, almost alien, to offer up genuine empathy that wasn’t merely empty platitudes or a rehearsed and well choreographed speech.
It felt like I was offering as much of myself up, as the lupinor was.
And I didn’t like that feeling.
Yet despite that, something within me urged me to continue.
“So what is it then? Go on, and stop beating around the bush.” The lupinor urged with another growl, an act that felt more defensive than typical posturing compared to our usual banter.
“I… merely wished to inquire as to your well being.” I finally managed those words out, all but allowing them to emerge with any degree of the associated expectant decorum.
This finally seemed to garner some form of a response within the lupinor, as he raised a brow at me quizzically, as if second-guessing exactly what he was hearing.
“Did Emma put you up to this?” He asked sternly. “Because if she did, then tell her I appreciate her trying to tame your noble smugness, but that I don’t need anyone to dig into my battles.”
“I find it somewhat telling that you would even consider Emma as being the impetus behind this earnest intent to express my…” I paused, taking a moment to cycle through my breaths. “... genuine concerns. I am just as capable of empathy, despite any allusions to the contrary.”
That response didn’t seem to make a dent on the lupinor’s otherwise stalwart and monolithic posture.
A stare down quickly ensued, if only for a few moments, as his otherwise stoic features and that unyielding gaze soon finally cracked, if only slightly, with a well timed sigh. “I am fine, Ilunor. I just simply need a moment to recollect my thoughts.” A pause soon followed, but not enough that it granted me the ability to respond just yet. “I assume you haven’t been on the precipice of death before, have you?” He added, almost out of nowhere, baffling me with exactly where this conversation could be headed.
“If you count the curse placed upon me by Mal’tory and the near-death experience there, then yes. Yes I have been on the precipice of death before, Prince Thalmin.” I replied a-matter-of-factly.
“Allow me to rephrase.” The lupinor responded, shifting his entire body, bearing his gaze down on me. “Prior to Mal’tory. Have you or have you not been on the verge of death? Have you known with nearly absolute certainty that the breaths you’re currently taking could be your last? That the thoughts currently running through your mind, may end as abruptly the cessation of a yantor’s croak? That your legacy, following that one moment in time, was to end with your entire life amounting only to your actions up to that point?”
I felt a genuine pang of nausea taking over, as my heart sank, and my whole body shivered in place.
“Perhaps not… perhaps, the incident with Mal’tory, was the closest I have truly been as you described, Thalmin.” I acknowledged slowly.
“Then allow me to give you some advice, Ilunor.” The lupinor somehow began shifting the momentum of the conversation towards me instead. As he wrestled the reins of this particular subject matter with a surprising degree of deftness and ease. “The sorts of emotions we feel following such events… they do not get better, at least not immediately. Over time, and given enough distractions, they will. Especially in the midst of those who have experienced similar trials and survived to tell the tale. What I am experiencing, and what you are no doubt also experiencing, will subside. That’s all there is to it.” He paused for a moment, getting up from his seat, striding effortlessly towards the bathroom.
“I… I do not see how this relevant to-”
“The only reason you’re approaching me, and addressing this subject matter right now is because you’re finally feeling something other than your typical daily drives to ceaselessly vapid talking points. Am I wrong?” Thalmin spoke bluntly, more or less seeing through my facade, or lack thereof at this point.
“You’re basing your assumptions on a picture of an unfinished mosaic, Prince Thalmin.” I shot back indignantly.
“And exactly what parts am I missing?” He inquired with a quirk of his brow.
I elected to answer that only with silence.
“I’m only advising you out of practicality, Ilunor.” The lupinor finally filled in the silence with a sigh. “I would rather have you be productive, and a contributing member of this group. To accomplish this, I wish to impart on you the same lessons I have faced in hardships you probably have never experienced. Which means addressing certain obstacles I foresee before they can manifest into something truly harmful; to you, and the rest of the group by extension. With that, I bid you goodnight.”
With a soft clack of the door, I was once more left alone with my thoughts.
As I began to question just why I’d even felt that urge to address Thalmin in the first place.
And whether or not… it was truly a result of that rare sense of empathy, through not just shared experiences, but shared adversity.
In a way, this was perhaps the first time I truly connected with the man on any level. As macabre as it might seem, this most visceral of similar experiences served to bridge a gap that I never once thought would need bridging.
And I didn’t know what to, or how to, feel about that.

Dragon’s Heart Tower, Level 23, Residence 30, Emma and Thacea’s Bedroom. Local Time: 00:20 Hours.
Emma
Despite the constant distractions, and despite having disengaged from the outside world entirely by hopping back into my tent… I couldn’t help but to feel stuck in the perpetual, insidious, cycle of anxious thought.
“It’s not possible, right?” I began, my heart thumping beneath my chest, and my expression stuck in a perpetual state of worry. “He couldn’t have made it. Thacea, I’ve mentioned to you time and time again how he got hit point-blank with that explosion. An explosion that, mind you, blew up an entire warehouse! An explosion that literally caused the deaths of everyone else, even other magic users, and blew up a magical carriage for crying out loud!” I paused, sitting down on the fold-out chair and burying my face deep within both of my palms. “He even got hit with a dragon’s tail. A fricking dragon’s tail, Thacea. I showed you the footage, didn’t I?”
“Indeed you have, Emma.” Thacea acknowledged, her voice crystal clear, despite being on the other side of the tent’s lining; all thanks to the active-audio speakers strategically embedded into both the inside and the outside of the tent itself. “And indeed, if it were perhaps anyone lesser, I could easily see death as an assurance. However-” The princess paused, shifting her chair closer towards the tent. “-the position of a black robe isn’t garnered through political acumen alone. There is a certain prerequisite of magical competence, one which is vetted through the privy council, and at times achieved through a challenge of magical supremacy. Whilst not truly living up to their title of planar mage, given how the bar to entry for such a title has been diluted over the years, the black robe position is still very much one that carries with it a truly staggering prerequisite of both magical potential and magical acumen.” The avinor pressed down a stray feather on her shoulder, breaking the monologue as if to break the tension of the whole situation. “It stands to reason then, Emma, that the ill-fated Lord Lartia is leagues beneath Professor Mal’tory. His death through your device during the warehouse incident was certainly assured. But Professor Mal’tory? It’s certainly possible, especially with the aid of the Academy’s healers, that there could be a chance for recovery. Though, it remains to be seen just what kind of a state he returns in.”
That latter statement was one that caught my attention the most, prompting me to zero in on it. “You mean, like… he could come back as a brain-in-a-jar or something?”
Silence was my only answer for a few seconds, as I could only imagine Thacea’s expressions of shock and perhaps utter confusion on the other side of the tent.
“That… is a modality of living that is abhorrent and borderline taboo, Emma. This is especially true when there are a plethora of other life-extension or soul-preservation options available.” Thacea reasoned, before shifting gears somewhat. “Is… is that a common practice in your realm?”
“No, no. It’s… I mean… I was just spitballing ideas. I guess what I meant to ask was this — exactly what sort of state is he going to return in? Are we talking about Sorecar’s soulbound suit of armor? Or are we talking about a complete magical recovery like with the Apprentice and her crush injuries?” I offered, prompting Thacea to quickly move on after that point.
“I am unsure, Emma.” The princess acknowledged with a heavy breath. “The extent of his injuries remain difficult to ascertain given the lack of manastreams in your manaless records. But regardless of the extent of said injuries, I am certain that his return will not be one of a spell-bound husk. With all due respect to Professor Sorecar and his current disposition, it is unlikely, barring some political maneuver within the privy council, that a spell-bound be allowed to maintain their black-robe position. Thus, considering there has been no news of Professor Mal’tory’s untimely termination, I believe the answer may prove to be closer to a recovery of the body and soul.”
That response prompted me to once again let out a long and drawn out sigh. Exhaustion threatened to consume me, if not for the sharp pang of stress, anxiety, and utter apprehension that prevented me from thinking straight.
“Emma.” Thacea continued, her tone softer, and more personable now; as if switching gears upon realizing just what sort of a state I now found myself in. “Whatever happens tomorrow, I am certain that there is nothing to fear from Professor Mal’tory’s class. I doubt any harm will come to you, or anyone else in the group for that matter, so long as we play our part and carry on our duties.”
Those words… quelled some of my concerns. Though not really.
It wasn’t like I was afraid of the class or what could happen.
If anything, I was confident in the armor’s ability to deal with him if push comes to shove.
Moreover, if anything were to happen, I was quicker on the draw than the man was able to restrain me.
Especially with the two weapons he’s yet to see.
No, the concern wasn’t with any solid overt threats.
It was with the unknown.
Of exactly what would go down tomorrow, given there was a high likelihood he’d be back in the flesh.
I literally flopped to the ground as a result of all of these thoughts assaulting me at once, generating a solid thunk in the process, one that was probably far less dramatic than what it would’ve otherwise sounded like if I were in full armor.
“Emma?” Thacea offered once more, her tone betraying her growing curiosity as to what was going on inside the tent. “Are you… quite alright in there?”
“Yeah, I’m alright.” I offered, simply taking a moment to just lay there, staring blankly at the canvas-like roofing above me with HUD-less eyes, and data-less vision. Offline mode was sometimes as jarring as it was necessary, especially after way too much time in the suit. “I’m just laying down.” I added lazily.
A part of me wanted to grab my tablet, or my glasses, just to see Thacea’s facial features throughout the conversation.
The optical sensors and cameras lining the exterior of the tent gave me and the EVI a complete and unimpeded view of the world outside the tent after all.
But I just couldn’t.
“So… about Thalmin.” I began, shifting away at least slightly from the Mal’tory situation. “I don’t suppose we can report this to some higher authority or a disciplinary board or something? Like, I’m guessing this could be the same issue with Ilunor when he was under Mal’tory’s employment right?”
“Indeed.” Thacea acknowledged. “The disciplinary board is, even in typical circumstances, yet another tool in the grander game. It acts less as a force of punitive justice, and more so as a mechanism to be triggered upon your opponents.”
“But we have the evidence, don’t we?” I offered. “Thalmin’s memories, just have him submit that as evidence. He doesn’t have the same issues Ilunor did with his brain curse thing-“
“I’m afraid the reality of the situation isn’t that simple, Emma.” Thacea interjected. “There is no guarantee that the disciplinary board will be conservative in their approach; thus no guarantee they wouldn’t take cumulative memories outright for their own ends. I believe you understand why this would be an unacceptable risk for our group to take.”
“Yeah… I can see it.” I acknowledged with a heavy sigh. “It’d mean risking revealing our deals and plans with the library, our campaign against Mal’tory, and anything and everything in between.”
“This is without even mentioning the negative repercussions incurred upon Thalmin himself. As his words of active sedition against the Nexus would be recorded and documented for posterity, something which would be an intolerable risk to his own security and standing within the greater game.”
“Right.”
“In any other circumstance, perhaps the risk may in fact outweigh the opportunity cost, but in our case Emma… it most certainly does not.”
“And what if we ask them not to scan his brain? Like, just asking them to perform a good old-fashioned investigation?”
“Then they may very well escalate matters into requiring some form of scrying or divination, Emma.” Thacea responded a-matter-of-factly.
“Right… so using the disciplinary system in any capacity to deal with situations like this is a no-go then.”
“Correct, Emma.” Thacea acknowledged with yet another nod. “In any case.” She continued, as it was clear she was now trying to shift the conversation away from Mal’tory, and towards something else.
That something, turned out to be a series of three distinct beeps, courtesy of the M-REDD on my side of the tent.
“I believe it is time you finally ate something that isn’t-”
“-animal feed?” I interjected snarkily.
“I was not intending to use such a deprecating descriptor Emma-”
“Nono, I was just making one of my jokes, is all..” I responded tactfully, before getting up and off of the cold hard canvas floors, my undersuit sticking to its surface for a bit.
Opening up the M-REDD, I was greeted to a sight that was, perhaps for the first time… at least not a complete disaster.
But then again, the same could be argued for the disaster that was the foot long brioche-turned-crouton.
So looks could be deceiving.
Even when the foodstuffs in question looked eerily similar, if a bit discolored, from how it was outside the tent.
Which meant there was only one way to truly determine its qualities.
Consumption.
But first…
I turned my eyes towards one of the many cameras, the eye tracking more or less figuring out what I meant immediately.
“External audio temporarily disabled, Cadet Booker. Your orders?”
“I’m assuming you’ve done the appropriate food-safety tests as per HARPP protocols?”
“That is correct, Cadet Booker. All parameters are within acceptable limits. The system would have alerted you to potential risk factors if any were detected.”
“I know, I know, I’m just double-checking, EVI.”
“Acknowledged.”
“Alright, external audio on.” I ordered, my gaze finally unlocking from the cameras as I turned my full attention to the contents within the M-REDD’s airlock.
“Is everything to your liking, Emma?” Thacea asked warily, prompting me to reply as I took a closer inspection at everything within the platter of food.
“I haven’t tried it yet, I’m just… observing how much it’s changed first.”
The platter was a simple affair, just a piece of flatbread, the same one Ilunor had used earlier in his… ‘demonstration’, plated alongside a few slices of fresh fruits, vegetables, and a dip that reminded me of a cross between hummus and whipping cream.
I’d been reluctant to put the latter into the M-REDD, given how foods with greater density tended to take more time to desaturate. However, because of its airy, almost whipping-cream-like consistency, I thought it probably wouldn’t hurt to try.
Though, amongst the rest of the food that at least retained their shape, the fluffiness and airiness that had been observed before seemed to have suffered at the hands of the M-REDD, rendering its fluffy peaks into sad little puddles of semi-fluid, semi-cream like consistency.
“Alright so, bread looks the same, fruits look as if they’ve all browned due to oxidation or something… is that normal?”
“If it’s browned in any capacity, then we would consider it completely unfit for consumption. However, I have heard that peasants do consider browned fruits to be safe to eat, Emma.” Thacea answered, before quickly correcting herself. “Not that I am implying that you should be subjecting yourself to fruits of sub-par quality-“
“No, wait.” I interrupted, circumventing and thereby halting the princess’ apologies. “I have a theory. You said before how the food that’s delivered to the dorms are like… magically enchanted to retain their freshness, right?”
“That is correct.”
“The M-REDD just sucked all of the mana out of it. Is it possible that by doing so, the magic that was keeping it fresh has like-“
“-failed?” Thacea completed my sentence for me, her tone indicating that the hypothesis was piquing her interests as it was my own.
“Yeah.” I acknowledged.
“That is more than assured, Emma.” Thacea answered affirmatively.
“Right. And does… four, five hours exposed to the air sound like the typical time at which fruits like these would begin to brown?”
“That… is not something I am familiar with, Emma.” Thacea acknowledged, in perhaps one of the first instances she’d actively demonstrated a hole in her otherwise encyclopedic knowledge.
“I figure that’s the sort of stuff you’re probably not exposed to much within the castle halls right?” I offered inquisitively.
Thacea paused, as if pondering her answer, her features scrunching up in irritation on the monitor. “Indeed. If you so wish, this is a matter that might best be answered by those who you may consider to be more worldly in such affairs.”
It was at that point that I realized I’d slipped up, as sarcasm of any sort from Thacea was definitely not normal.
“That came out wrong, I admit.” I acknowledged with an apologetic nod. “I was just making an observation, Thacea. I wasn’t implying anything by it. I’m sorry if I caused offense.”
The princess paused for a moment, before acknowledging that little backtrack with a nod of her own, following it up with a light chuckle. “The audacity of you, a citizen-commoner, to make a slight of such audaciousness, will be duly noted.”
“Oh, so we’re keeping a list now I see?”
“Perhaps, or perhaps not, but in any case… I assume this conversation hasn’t been an attempt to delay the inevitable?” The princess quickly added that last remark, in a way that felt almost sarcastic, like an attempt at my own snarky sense of humor.
“Of course not.” I replied confidently, before feeling that bout of confidence fade upon setting my sights on the platter of de-mana-ified food. “Well, hey, there’s only one way to see if this works.” I sighed, holding one of the browned slices of apples close to my mouth.
… nomf…
To say that I was mildly surprised, would’ve been half correct.
To say that I was over the moon, and practically jumping for joy, would also be half correct.
In a sense, I wanted to believe the experience of eating what was in effect a half-crispy, half-mushy browned and uncomfortably seasoned apple was a welcome departure from the nutripaste tubes, and would’ve been enough to send me over the edge of culinary bliss.
But it didn’t.
If anything, it was colored by a mild disappointment, only marginally improved by a texture that wasn’t offensive, but tolerable.
“Well?” Thacea urged, prompting me to reply as frankly as I did earlier when it came to our previous conversation topic.
“It’s okay.” I responded half-heartedly. “It tastes… more or less exactly like how it looks. Sweet, tangy, weirdly like a pear with hints of like… guava? Like, the texture definitely has that weird grainy stringy guava thing going on, except with the sliminess of an apple that’s been left out a bit too long. It’s something? But…” I paused, realizing the implications of this… “At least we can confirm that I won’t have to rely solely on the aquaponics algae farm.”
“Anything that can save you from such a fate, even if marginal, is still a cause worthy of celebrating and striving for.”
I began going through the rest of the fruits in rapid succession, each and every one of them more or less matched the old fruit left in the fridge for too long texture and flavor. This left the vegetables, which, while firm, tasted beyond overly seasoned. Dipping them in the hummus-like sauce didn't help matters at all — a fact that I conveyed towards Thacea with vivid detail.
One after another, every item on the dish was absolutely demolished, until I was finally left with the final boss as it were — the flatbread.
My last match with a mana desatured baked good had left a dry and crumbly taste in my mouth.
This flatbread… was bound to do the same.
I took a moment to compose myself, before quickly, and nervously, I took a small bite out of one of its corners.
The flavor hit me first.
A slightly charcoal-y, smoky flavor masked with some salty herbs baked into it.
Next, was the texture, which… wasn’t bad.
It reminded me of a naan bread, that like the rest of the food, tasted like it’d been left too long on the counter. It wasn’t crouton-levels of crispy though, moreso… overly chewy and dry.
It was as if there was something missing from it.
“You know what.” I finally continued. “I think I’m going to pay the kitchen staff a visit some day. Are the kitchens off-limits to students or do we need to schedule something to visit them or anything?”
“I believe we can simply walk in, Emma. Moreover, it’s a distressingly common sight to see students of lower noble heritage marching into such places to make their complaints heard, or their special requests followed-through.”
“Right.” I nodded. “We’ll do that, after this week is done. Or… maybe after this month is done. There’s just too much to deal with right now.”
“Starting first and foremost with sleep, followed by tomorrow’s classes-”
“-and the spy mission to the man’s office, yup. Him being alive might actually be a good thing, since it’ll allow us to send an infil-drone to his office by following him there. And with my new set of drones printing as we speak—” I paused, turning towards one half of the mechanical printer currently operating at max capacity. “—we should be able to resume the library’s mission, see if there’s any evidence of his involvement with the Auris Ping - Thalmin situation, and get other answers in the meantime too.”

The Grand Concourse of Learning. The Hall of Light. Local Time: 08:55 Hours.
Emma
The irony of the lecture hall’s name wasn’t lost on me, or anyone else for that matter. Throughout breakfast, it seemed to be the butt of all jokes amidst the typical senseless topics they otherwise covered. I couldn’t count the number of laughs, cackles, and giggles that all stemmed from the sheer disconnect between the black robe professor teaching exclusively in the hall of light.
However, despite that laughter, and despite the cheery back and forths between the rest of the group, I couldn’t help but to feel nervous at what was to come.
Especially as the man had once again been absent from the morning breakfast.
His seat remained eerily empty, even as the clock marched forwards towards class.
There was no sign of him anywhere, not even as we made our way towards the hall proper, as we were introduced to a room that immediately sent me back to the man’s dark and dreary office.
The Victorian aesthetic was certainly back, as there was nothing worthy of the room’s namesake seen anywhere.
The various desks were made up of that same extra-dark oak that comprised up the man’s desk back in his office. The chairs behind them were the only things that truly broke up the monotony of black, dark brown, and even darker brown, as their plush leather upholstery was colored in a series of forest greens, striking oranges, and bright reds.
Indeed, the longer I stayed here, the more claustrophobic I got, as I felt last night’s nightmare creeping up on me again, and the unmistakable feeling of being pinned down in the earth with my arms stuck to my sides surging to the forefront of my memory.
That was the one move that actually worked to counter me and my armor.
And it stuck with me.
I didn’t say anything else as Qiv began shepherding any stragglers towards their seats.
I could only watch as the clock began slowly, but surely, ticking up towards the start of class proper.
As five minutes soon became, four, three, two, and finally… one.
Nine o’-clock was announced with a series of melodic dings, akin to a grandfather clock counting each and every hour up with its deep and resonant chimes.
I counted each one, my breath hitching up with every passing ding. Ding… ding… ding… ding.
Until finally, at the ninth ding, the door closest to the front of the room’s lectern swung open, revealing a dark and impenetrable chasm beyond it.
I held my breath, and in that moment, the whole room was suddenly bathed in a glowing pearlescent white.
ALERT: LOCALIZED SURGE OF MANA-RADIATION DETECTED, 775% ABOVE BACKGROUND RADIATION LEVELS
This was quickly followed up by a series of harsh metallic footsteps, and a pair of softer footfalls, as well as a voice that resonated throughout the room.
“Good morning, first years!”
First Previous Next
​
(Author’s Note: Ilunor displays a surprising burst of empathy as he tries to connect with Thalmin, but finds that his prior interactions with the lupinor has soured things somewhat. Things may take time on that front. Meanwhile, Emma tries to relax in her tent outside of her armor, while struggling with the anxiety of the great unknown that is tomorrow's classes. Thacea's conversations, and reassurances do alleviate these anxieties somewhat. And the results from the MREDD experiments likewise provide some hope on the gastronomic future of Emma's existence here in the Nexus. To round it all off, we finally enter classes, and are met face to face with the return of a familiar face! I hope you guys enjoy! :D The next Two Chapters are already up on Patreon if you guys are interested in getting early access to future chapters!)
[If you guys want to help support me and these stories, here's my ko-fi ! And my Patreon for early chapter releases (Chapter 79 and Chapter 80 of this story is already out on there!)]

report:
---- Minecraft Crash Report ----
// Uh... Did I do that?
​
Time: 2024-05-04 22:23:40
Description: Initializing game
​
java.lang.NoClassDefFoundError: Could not initialize class net.minecraft.class_1921

at net.minecraft.class\_8538.method\_51643(class\_8538.java:22) at net.minecraft.class\_377.method\_2012(class\_377.java:165) at de.florianmichael.viafabricplus.fixes.versioned.visual.BuiltinEmptyGlyph1\_12\_2.bake(BuiltinEmptyGlyph1\_12\_2.java:45) at net.minecraft.class\_377.handler$gbn000$viafabricplus$bakeBlankGlyph1\_12\_2(class\_377.java:559) at net.minecraft.class\_377.method\_2004(class\_377.java:53) at net.minecraft.class\_378.method\_27540(class\_378.java:63) at net.minecraft.class\_156.method\_654(class\_156.java:457) at net.minecraft.class\_378.(class\_378.java:63) at net.minecraft.class\_310.(class\_310.java:564) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main([Main.java:223](https://Main.java:223)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch([MinecraftGameProvider.java:470](https://MinecraftGameProvider.java:470)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch([Knot.java:74](https://Knot.java:74)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main([KnotClient.java:23](https://KnotClient.java:23)) 

Caused by: java.lang.ExceptionInInitializerError: Exception java.lang.BootstrapMethodError: java.lang.RuntimeException: Mixin transformation of net.minecraft.class_757 failed [in thread "Render thread"]

at net.minecraft.class\_4668.(class\_4668.java:126) at net.minecraft.class\_898.(class\_898.java:58) at grondag.canvas.CanvasMod.init([CanvasMod.java:96](https://CanvasMod.java:96)) at io.vram.canvas.CanvasFabricMod.onInitializeClient([CanvasFabricMod.java:43](https://CanvasFabricMod.java:43)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.FabricLoaderImpl.invokeEntrypoints([FabricLoaderImpl.java:384](https://FabricLoaderImpl.java:384)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.Hooks.startClient([Hooks.java:53](https://Hooks.java:53)) at fudge.notenoughcrashes.fabric.mixinhandlers.ModLoaders.fabricEntrypoints([ModLoaders.java:9](https://ModLoaders.java:9)) at net.minecraft.class\_310.redirect$eij000$notenoughcrashes$catchFabricInit(class\_310.java:34261) at net.minecraft.class\_310.(class\_310.java:487) ... 4 more 

​
​
A detailed walkthrough of the error, its code path and all known details is as follows:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
​
-- Head --
Thread: Render thread
Stacktrace:

at net.minecraft.class\_8538.method\_51643(class\_8538.java:22) at net.minecraft.class\_377.method\_2012(class\_377.java:165) at de.florianmichael.viafabricplus.fixes.versioned.visual.BuiltinEmptyGlyph1\_12\_2.bake(BuiltinEmptyGlyph1\_12\_2.java:45) at net.minecraft.class\_377.handler$gbn000$viafabricplus$bakeBlankGlyph1\_12\_2(class\_377.java:559) at net.minecraft.class\_377.method\_2004(class\_377.java:53) at net.minecraft.class\_378.method\_27540(class\_378.java:63) at net.minecraft.class\_156.method\_654(class\_156.java:457) at net.minecraft.class\_378.(class\_378.java:63) at net.minecraft.class\_310.(class\_310.java:564) 

​
-- Initialization --
Details:

Modules: 

Stacktrace:

at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main([Main.java:223](https://Main.java:223)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch([MinecraftGameProvider.java:470](https://MinecraftGameProvider.java:470)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch([Knot.java:74](https://Knot.java:74)) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main([KnotClient.java:23](https://KnotClient.java:23)) 

​
-- System Details --
Details:

Minecraft Version: 1.20.4 Minecraft Version ID: 1.20.4 Operating System: Mac OS X (x86\_64) version 13.6.4 Java Version: 17.0.8, Microsoft Java VM Version: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Microsoft Memory: 1048591728 bytes (1000 MiB) / 1677721600 bytes (1600 MiB) up to 7516192768 bytes (7168 MiB) CPUs: 8 Processor Vendor: GenuineIntel Processor Name: Intel(R) Core(TM) i5-8257U CPU @ 1.40GHz Identifier: Intel64 Family 6 Model 142 Stepping 10 Microarchitecture: Coffee Lake Frequency (GHz): 1.40 Number of physical packages: 1 Number of physical CPUs: 4 Number of logical CPUs: 8 Graphics card #0 name: Intel Iris Plus Graphics 645 Graphics card #0 vendor: Intel Graphics card #0 VRAM (MB): 1536.00 Graphics card #0 deviceId: 0x3ea6 Graphics card #0 versionInfo: Revision ID: 0x0001 Memory slot #0 capacity (MB): 4096.00 Memory slot #0 clockSpeed (GHz): 2.13 Memory slot #0 type: LPDDR3 Memory slot #1 capacity (MB): 4096.00 Memory slot #1 clockSpeed (GHz): 2.13 Memory slot #1 type: LPDDR3 Virtual memory max (MB): 10240.00 Virtual memory used (MB): 6457.24 Swap memory total (MB): 2048.00 Swap memory used (MB): 978.00 JVM Flags: 8 total; -Xss1M -Xmx7G -XX:+UnlockExperimentalVMOptions -XX:+UseG1GC -XX:G1NewSizePercent=20 -XX:G1ReservePercent=20 -XX:MaxGCPauseMillis=50 -XX:G1HeapRegionSize=32M Fabric Mods: advanced-xray-fabric: Advanced XRay (Fabric) 84.0.0 advancementscreenshot: Advancement Screenshot 4.7 allow-portal-guis: Allow Portal GUIs 1.0.8 ambientsounds: AmbientSounds 5.3.9 antighost: AntiGhost 1.20.4-fabric0.91.2-1.1.5 crowdin-translate: CrowdinTranslate 1.4+1.19.3 appleskin: AppleSkin 2.5.1+mc1.20.3 architectury: Architectury 11.1.17 badoptimizations: BadOptimizations 2.1.1 balm-fabric: Balm 9.0.6 better-pie-chart: Better Pie Chart 1.0.0+1.20 betterbeds: Better Beds 1.3.0 betterf3: BetterF3 9.0.2 betterhurtcam: BetterHurtCam 1.7.0+mc1.20.3 betterpingdisplay: Better Ping Display 1.1.1 betterstats: Better Statistics Screen 3.9.7+fabric-1.20.4 tcdcommons: TCD Commons API 3.9.6+fabric-1.20.4 blur: Blur (Fabric) 3.2.0 midnightlib: MidnightLib 1.5.3 boathud: BoatHud 1.1.5 boatiview: Boat Item View Fabric 0.0.5 bobby: Bobby 5.1.0+mc1.20.4 com\_typesafe\_config: config 1.4.2 io\_leangen\_geantyref\_geantyref: geantyref 1.3.13 org\_spongepowered\_configurate-core: configurate-core 4.1.2 org\_spongepowered\_configurate-hocon: configurate-hocon 4.1.2 bookshelf: Bookshelf 23.0.6 boostedbrightness: Boosted Brightness 2.2.0 brb: Better Recipe Book 1.10.0+1.20.4 brokenleadwarner: Broken Lead Warner 1.1.1+1.20.x c2me: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-base: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Base) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-client-uncapvd: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Client/Uncap View Distance) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-fixes-chunkio-threading-issues: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Fixes/Chunk IO/Threading Issues) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-fixes-general-threading-issues: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Fixes/General/Threading Issues) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-fixes-worldgen-threading-issues: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Fixes/WorldGen/Threading Issues) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-fixes-worldgen-vanilla-bugs: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Fixes/WorldGen/Vanilla Bugs) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-notickvd: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (No Tick View Distance) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-opts-allocs: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Optimizations/Memory Allocations) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-opts-chunk-access: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Optimizations/Chunk Access) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-opts-chunkio: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Optimizations/Chunk IO) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-opts-math: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Optimizations/Math) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-opts-scheduling: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Optimizations/Scheduling) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-opts-worldgen-general: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Optimizations/General WorldGen) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-opts-worldgen-vanilla: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Optimizations/Vanilla WorldGen) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-rewrites-chunk-serializer: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Rewrites/Chunk Serializer) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-rewrites-chunkio: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Rewrites/Chunk IO) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-server-utils: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Server Utils) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-threading-chunkio: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Threading/WorldGen) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-threading-lighting: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Threading/Lighting) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 c2me-threading-worldgen: Concurrent Chunk Management Engine (Threading/WorldGen) 0.2.0+alpha.11.65 net\_objecthunter\_exp4j: exp4j 0.4.8 org\_threadly\_threadly: threadly 7.0 cameranoclip: CameraNoClip 1.0.1-MC1.20.2-Fabric canvas: Canvas Renderer 20.2.2641 frex: FREX 20.2.353 io\_vram\_bitkit: bitkit 1.0.4 io\_vram\_bitraster: bitraster 1.5.53 io\_vram\_dtklib: dtklib 1.0.6 io\_vram\_special-circumstances: special-circumstances 1.10.7 json-model-extensions: JSON Model Extensions 20.2.284 org\_anarres\_jcpp: jcpp 1.4.14 chat\_heads: Chat Heads 0.10.32 chunkpregen: Fabric Chunk Pregenerator 0.3.3 chunky: Chunky 1.3.138 clienttweaks: Client Tweaks 13.0.2 cloth-config: Cloth Config v13 13.0.121 cloth-basic-math: cloth-basic-math 0.6.1 clumps: Clumps [15.0.0.2](https://15.0.0.2) collective: Collective 7.40 continue: Continue Button 1.2.3+1.20.4 controlling: Controlling 15.0.5 craftingtweaks: Crafting Tweaks 20.0.3 creativecore: CreativeCore 2.11.16 net\_neoforged\_bus: bus 7.2.0 ctrl-q: Ctrl Q 1.9 cullleaves: Cull Leaves 3.3.0 deathcounter: Death Counter 2024.1.1 ducky-updater-lib: Ducky Updater Lib 2023.10.1 io\_ktor\_ktor-events-jvm: ktor-events-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-http-cio-jvm: ktor-http-cio-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-http-jvm: ktor-http-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-io-jvm: ktor-io-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-network-jvm: ktor-network-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-server-cio-jvm: ktor-server-cio-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-server-core-jvm: ktor-server-core-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-server-host-common-jvm: ktor-server-host-common-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-server-html-builder-jvm: ktor-server-html-builder-jvm 2.3.6 io\_ktor\_ktor-utils-jvm: ktor-utils-jvm 2.3.6 modmenu-badges-lib: ModMenu Badges Lib 2023.6.1 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-html-jvm: kotlinx-html-jvm 0.9.1 detailab: Detail Armor Bar 2.6.3+1.20.4-fabric do\_a\_barrel\_roll: Do a Barrel Roll 3.5.4+1.20.4 mixinsquared: MixinSquared 0.1.1 durabilityplus: DurabilityPlus 1.0.3 dynamic\_fps: Dynamic FPS 3.4.3 easiervillagertrading: EasierVillagerTrading 1.20-fabric0.83.0-1.5.4 gbfabrictools: GBfabrictools 1.3.5+1.20 eatinganimationid: Eating Animation 1.20+1.9.61 ecs: Elytra/Chestplate Swapper 1.3.0-MC1.20 enchdesc: EnchantmentDescriptions 20.0.2 enhanced\_attack\_indicator: Enhanced Attack Indicator 1.0.4+1.20.3 enhancedvisuals: EnhancedVisuals 1.6.9 entity\_model\_features: Entity Model Features 1.3 entity\_texture\_features: Entity Texture Features 5.2.3 org\_apache\_httpcomponents\_httpmime: httpmime 4.5.10 entityculling: EntityCulling 1.6.4 exordium: Exordium 1.2.1 explosiveenhancement: Explosive Enhancement 1.2.2-1.20.x fabric-api: Fabric API 0.96.11+1.20.4 fabric-api-lookup-api-v1: Fabric API Lookup API (v1) 1.6.49+82b1bb3e4f fabric-biome-api-v1: Fabric Biome API (v1) 13.0.16+78d798af4f fabric-block-api-v1: Fabric Block API (v1) 1.0.16+3e2216cb4f fabric-block-view-api-v2: Fabric BlockView API (v2) 1.0.4+78d798af4f fabric-blockrenderlayer-v1: Fabric BlockRenderLayer Registration (v1) 1.1.46+78d798af4f fabric-client-tags-api-v1: Fabric Client Tags 1.1.7+78d798af4f fabric-command-api-v1: Fabric Command API (v1) 1.2.41+f71b366f4f fabric-commands-v0: Fabric Commands (v0) 0.2.58+df3654b34f fabric-containers-v0: Fabric Containers (v0) 0.1.86+df3654b34f fabric-content-registries-v0: Fabric Content Registries (v0) 5.0.15+78d798af4f fabric-convention-tags-v1: Fabric Convention Tags 1.5.10+78d798af4f fabric-crash-report-info-v1: Fabric Crash Report Info (v1) 0.2.23+78d798af4f fabric-data-attachment-api-v1: Fabric Data Attachment API (v1) 1.1.4+b90db5744f fabric-data-generation-api-v1: Fabric Data Generation API (v1) 13.2.4+5c0133444f fabric-dimensions-v1: Fabric Dimensions API (v1) 2.1.61+78d798af4f fabric-entity-events-v1: Fabric Entity Events (v1) 1.6.1+09fc25014f fabric-events-interaction-v0: Fabric Events Interaction (v0) 0.7.1+389931eb4f fabric-events-lifecycle-v0: Fabric Events Lifecycle (v0) 0.2.74+df3654b34f fabric-game-rule-api-v1: Fabric Game Rule API (v1) 1.0.46+78d798af4f fabric-item-api-v1: Fabric Item API (v1) 2.2.0+d6f2b0844f fabric-item-group-api-v1: Fabric Item Group API (v1) 4.0.26+58f8c0124f fabric-key-binding-api-v1: Fabric Key Binding API (v1) 1.0.41+78d798af4f fabric-keybindings-v0: Fabric Key Bindings (v0) 0.2.39+df3654b34f fabric-loot-api-v2: Fabric Loot API (v2) 2.1.9+78d798af4f fabric-message-api-v1: Fabric Message API (v1) 6.0.5+78d798af4f fabric-mining-level-api-v1: Fabric Mining Level API (v1) 2.1.65+78d798af4f fabric-model-loading-api-v1: Fabric Model Loading API (v1) 1.0.8+78d798af4f fabric-models-v0: Fabric Models (v0) 0.4.7+9386d8a74f fabric-object-builder-api-v1: Fabric Object Builder API (v1) 13.0.14+080016e44f fabric-recipe-api-v1: Fabric Recipe API (v1) 2.0.20+78d798af4f fabric-renderer-api-v1: Fabric Renderer API (v1) 3.2.4+78d798af4f fabric-renderer-indigo: Fabric Renderer - Indigo 1.5.4+78d798af4f fabric-renderer-registries-v1: Fabric Renderer Registries (v1) 3.2.53+df3654b34f fabric-rendering-data-attachment-v1: Fabric Rendering Data Attachment (v1) 0.3.42+73761d2e4f fabric-rendering-fluids-v1: Fabric Rendering Fluids (v1) 3.1.1+e761c6694f fabric-rendering-v0: Fabric Rendering (v0) 1.1.56+df3654b34f fabric-rendering-v1: Fabric Rendering (v1) 3.2.0+6fd945a04f fabric-resource-conditions-api-v1: Fabric Resource Conditions API (v1) 2.3.14+78d798af4f fabric-screen-api-v1: Fabric Screen API (v1) 2.0.17+78d798af4f fabric-screen-handler-api-v1: Fabric Screen Handler API (v1) 1.3.55+78d798af4f fabric-sound-api-v1: Fabric Sound API (v1) 1.0.17+78d798af4f fabric-transfer-api-v1: Fabric Transfer API (v1) 4.0.11+eb30349a4f fabric-transitive-access-wideners-v1: Fabric Transitive Access Wideners (v1) 5.0.14+78d798af4f fabric-language-kotlin: Fabric Language Kotlin 1.10.19+kotlin.1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-reflect: kotlin-reflect 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib: kotlin-stdlib 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib-jdk7: kotlin-stdlib-jdk7 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib-jdk8: kotlin-stdlib-jdk8 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_atomicfu-jvm: atomicfu-jvm 0.23.2 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-coroutines-core-jvm: kotlinx-coroutines-core-jvm 1.8.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-coroutines-jdk8: kotlinx-coroutines-jdk8 1.8.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-datetime-jvm: kotlinx-datetime-jvm 0.5.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-cbor-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-cbor-jvm 1.6.3 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-core-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-core-jvm 1.6.3 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-json-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-json-jvm 1.6.3 fabricloader: Fabric Loader 0.15.10 mixinextras: MixinExtras 0.3.5 fadeless: Fadeless 1.0.1 fallingleaves: Falling Leaves 1.15.5 fancymenu: FancyMenu 3.1.2 com\_github\_keksuccino\_japng: japng 0.5.3 ferritecore: FerriteCore 6.0.3 footprintparticle: Footprint Particle 0.5.1-mc1.20.2 forgeconfigapiport: Forge Config API Port 20.4.3 com\_electronwill\_night-config\_core: core 3.6.6 com\_electronwill\_night-config\_toml: toml 3.6.6 fractionalgui: FractionalGui 1.1.0+mc1.20.3 freecam: Freecam 1.2.3 freelook: freelook 1.1.5 fscript: FScript Lib 3.2.3 guiclock: GUI Clock 4.4 highlighter: Highlighter 1.1.9 iceberg: Iceberg 1.1.18 immediatelyfast: ImmediatelyFast 1.2.13+1.20.4 inventoryhud: Inventory HUD + 3.4.19 itemborders: Item Borders 1.2.1 jade: Jade 13.3.1 java: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM 17 jei: Just Enough Items [17.3.0.49](https://17.3.0.49) konkrete: Konkrete 1.9.2 krypton: Krypton 0.2.6 com\_velocitypowered\_velocity-native: velocity-native 3.2.0-SNAPSHOT ksyxis: Ksyxis 1.2.2 ktnilcks: ItemLocks 1.20.4-1.3.8 lambdynlights: LambDynamicLights 2.3.4+1.20.4 pride: Pride Lib 1.2.0+1.19.4 spruceui: SpruceUI 5.0.3+1.20.2 lazydfu: LazyDFU 0.1.3 leahs-immersive-thunder: Immersive Thunder 1.20.4+1.2.2 legendarytooltips: Legendary Tooltips 1.4.5 libjf: LibJF 3.14.3 libjf-base: LibJF Base 3.14.3 libjf-config-commands: LibJF Config Commands 3.14.3 libjf-config-core-v2: LibJF Config 3.14.3 libjf-config-network-v0: LibJF Config: Network 3.14.3 libjf-config-ui-tiny: LibJF Config UI: Tiny 3.14.3 libjf-data-manipulation-v0: LibJF Data Manipulation 3.14.3 libjf-data-v0: LibJF Data 3.14.3 libjf-mainhttp-v0: LibJF MainHTTP 3.14.3 libjf-translate-v1: LibJF Translate 3.14.3 libjf-unsafe-v0: LibJF Unsafe 3.14.3 libjf-web-v1: LibJF Web 3.14.3 litematica: Litematica 0.17.2 litemoretica: litemoretica 1.2.5+mc1.20.4 lithium: Lithium 0.12.1 loadingbackgrounds: Loading Backgrounds 1.1.0 longerchathistory: Longer Chat History 1.4 macos\_input\_fixes: MacOS Input Fixes 1.6 make\_bubbles\_pop: Make Bubbles Pop Mod 0.2.0-fabric malilib: MaLiLib 0.18.1 maptooltip: Map Tooltip 3.0.0 melody: Melody 1.0.3 memoryleakfix: Memory Leak Fix 1.1.5 minecraft: Minecraft 1.20.4 minecraftcapes: MinecraftCapes 12.3.7 mixin-conflict-helper: Mixin Conflict Helper 1.2.0 mobplaques: Mob Plaques 20.4.0 modernfix: ModernFix 5.17.0+mc1.20.4 modmenu: Mod Menu 9.2.0-beta.2 monsters\_in\_the\_closet: Monsters in the Closet 1.0.3+1.20 music\_control: Music Control 1.7.1+1.20.4 libgui: LibGui 9.2.1+1.20.2 

jankson: Jankson 6.0.0+j1.2.3
blue_endless_jankson: jankson 1.2.3
libninepatch: LibNinePatch 1.2.0

 namepain: Name Pain 1.5.3 nbttooltip: NBT Tooltip 1.8.1 nicer-skies: Nicer Skies 1.3.1+1.20.4 no-resource-pack-warnings: No Resource Pack Warnings 1.3.0 notenoughanimations: NotEnoughAnimations 1.7.1 notenoughcrashes: Not Enough Crashes 4.4.7+1.20.4 oldwalkinganimation: Old Walking Animation 1.1.0 p2p: P2P 0.0.13-1.20.4-alpha particlerain: Particle Rain 2.0.8 peek: Peek 1.20.4-1.3.1 plasmovoice: Plasmo Voice 2.0.8 aopalliance\_aopalliance: aopalliance 1.0 com\_google\_inject\_guice: guice 5.0.1 javax\_inject\_javax\_inject: javax.inject 1 presencefootsteps: Presence Footsteps 1.11.2 kirin: Kirin UI 1.17.0+1.20.4 prism: Prism 1.0.6 puzzleslib: Puzzles Lib 20.4.39 realistic-rowing: Realistic Rowing 1.1.0 recipe-book-is-pain: Recipe Book Is Pain 0.11.1-1.20.4-build.191 dark-matter-base: Dark Matter Base 4.0.0-1.20.4-build.482 dark-matter-enums: Dark Matter Enums 4.0.0-1.20.4-build.482 dark-matter-minecraft: Dark Matter Minecraft 4.0.0-1.20.4-build.482 dark-matter-mixin: Dark Matter Mixin 4.0.0-1.20.4-build.482 dark-matter-recipe-book: Dark Matter Recipe Book 4.0.0-1.20.4-build.482 replaymod: Replay Mod 1.20.4-2.6.15 ridehud: Ride Hud 1.3.0+1.20 rrls: Remove Reloading Screen 4.0.3+mc1.20.4-fabric satin: Satin 1.16.0 seamless\_loading\_screen: Seamless Loading Screen 2.1.1+1.20.4 searchables: Searchables 1.0.6 seethroughlava: SeeThroughLava 4.0-1.20 servercore: ServerCore 1.5.0+1.20.4 fabric-permissions-api-v0: fabric-permissions-api 0.3-SNAPSHOT placeholder-api: Placeholder API 2.3.0+1.20.3 space\_arim\_dazzleconf\_dazzleconf-core: dazzleconf-core 1.3.0-M2 space\_arim\_dazzleconf\_dazzleconf-ext-snakeyaml: dazzleconf-ext-snakeyaml 1.3.0-M2 showdurability: Show Durability 1.1.1+1.20.4 showmeyourskin: Show Me Your Skin! 1.8.0+1.20.4 cardinal-components-base: Cardinal Components API (base) 5.4.0 cardinal-components-entity: Cardinal Components API (entities) 5.4.0 cicada: CICADA 0.6.0+1.20.2-plus shulkerboxtooltip: Shulker Box Tooltip 4.0.8+1.20.4 simple-health-indicator: Simple Health Indicator 0.3.0 simplefog: Simple Fog Control 1.4.0 skinlayers3d: 3d-Skin-Layers 1.6.3 skinshuffle: SkinShuffle 1.1.0+1.20.4 com\_konghq\_unirest-java\_standalone: unirest-java 3.11.9 commons-validator\_commons-validator: commons-validator 1.7 org\_jsoup\_jsoup: jsoup 1.16.1 org\_mineskin\_java-client: java-client 1.2.4-SNAPSHOT smallviewmodel: Small View Model 1.0 sonicboom: Sonic Boom 2.5 sound\_physics\_remastered: Sound Physics Remastered 1.20.4-1.3.1 squeedometer: Squeedometer 1.1.7 starlight: Starlight 1.1.3+fabric.f5dcd1a statuseffecttimer: Status Effect Timer 1.2.0+1.20 talkbubbles: Talk Bubbles 1.0.8 telepistons: Telepistons 1.1.3 toolstats: ToolStats 19.0.3 tooltipfix: ToolTip Fix 1.1.1-1.20 torohealth: ToroHealth Damage Indicators 1.20.2-fabric-1 totemcounter: TotemCounter 1.4.0+mc1.20.3 tpshud: TPS Hud 1.7.0+1.20.3 me\_obsilabor\_alert: alert 1.0.8 tweakeroo: Tweakeroo 0.19.2 ukulib: ukulib 1.1.2+1.20.4 com\_moandjiezana\_toml\_toml4j: toml4j 0.7.2 gs\_mclo\_java\_mclogs-java: mclogs-java 2.1.1 vanillaconfig: Vanilla Config 1.2.9+1.20.2 viafabricplus: ViaFabricPlus 3.1.1 com\_google\_code\_findbugs\_jsr305: jsr305 3.0.2 com\_vdurmont\_semver4j: semver4j 3.1.0 com\_viaversion\_viabackwards-common: viabackwards-common 4.10.0 com\_viaversion\_viaversion-common: viaversion-common 4.10.0 de\_florianmichael\_classic4j: Classic4J 2.0.2 fabric-api-base: Fabric API Base 0.4.37+78d798af4f fabric-command-api-v2: Fabric Command API (v2) 2.2.21+78d798af4f fabric-lifecycle-events-v1: Fabric Lifecycle Events (v1) 2.3.1+a67ffb5d4f fabric-networking-api-v1: Fabric Networking API (v1) 3.1.8+2e5ac5484f fabric-particles-v1: Fabric Particles (v1) 1.1.8+78d798af4f fabric-registry-sync-v0: Fabric Registry Sync (v0) 4.0.20+ee30b13a4f fabric-resource-loader-v0: Fabric Resource Loader (v0) 0.11.21+ee30b13a4f io\_jsonwebtoken\_jjwt-api: jjwt-api 0.12.5 io\_jsonwebtoken\_jjwt-gson: jjwt-gson 0.12.5 io\_jsonwebtoken\_jjwt-impl: jjwt-impl 0.12.5 net\_jodah\_expiringmap: expiringmap 0.5.10 net\_lenni0451\_commons\_httpclient: httpclient 1.4.1 net\_lenni0451\_mcping: MCPing 1.4.0 net\_lenni0451\_mcstructs-bedrock\_forms: forms 1.2.0 net\_lenni0451\_mcstructs-bedrock\_text: text 1.2.0 net\_lenni0451\_reflect: Reflect 1.3.2 net\_raphimc\_minecraftauth: MinecraftAuth 4.0.0 net\_raphimc\_viaaprilfools: ViaAprilFools 2.0.11 net\_raphimc\_viabedrock: ViaBedrock 0.0.6-SNAPSHOT net\_raphimc\_vialegacy: ViaLegacy 2.2.22 net\_raphimc\_vialoader: ViaLoader 2.2.13 org\_cloudburstmc\_netty\_netty-transport-raknet: netty-transport-raknet 1.0.0.CR3-SNAPSHOT org\_iq80\_leveldb\_leveldb: leveldb 0.12 org\_iq80\_leveldb\_leveldb-api: leveldb-api 0.12 org\_lz4\_lz4-pure-java: lz4-pure-java 1.8.0 org\_yaml\_snakeyaml: snakeyaml 2.2 visiblebarriers: Visible Barriers 2.0.11 visuality: Visuality 0.7.3+1.20.4 visualoverhaul: VisualOverhaul 5.1.0 vmp: Very Many Players 0.2.0+beta.7.139 com\_ibm\_async\_asyncutil: asyncutil 0.1.0 voicechat: Simple Voice Chat 1.20.4-2.5.11 voxelmap: Voxelmap 1.20.4-1.12.17 wakes: Wakes 0.2.3 com\_github\_jdiemke\_delaunay-triangulator\_delaunaytriangulator: DelaunayTriangulator 1.0.0 waveycapes: WaveyCapes 1.4.5 weaponmaster: YDM's Weapon Master 3.0.5 wearthat: WearThat 1.19.4\_1.0.0 whats\_that\_slot: What's That Slot? 1.3.5+1.20.4 whoami: Who am I? 1.0 widertab: WiderTab 1.0.0+1.20.4 worldedit: WorldEdit 7.3.0+6678-55745ad yet\_another\_config\_lib\_v3: YetAnotherConfigLib 3.3.2+1.20.4 com\_twelvemonkeys\_common\_common-image: common-image 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_common\_common-io: common-io 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_common\_common-lang: common-lang 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_imageio\_imageio-core: imageio-core 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_imageio\_imageio-metadata: imageio-metadata 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_imageio\_imageio-webp: imageio-webp 3.10.0 org\_quiltmc\_parsers\_gson: gson 0.2.1 org\_quiltmc\_parsers\_json: json 0.2.1 zoomify: Zoomify 2.13.2 com\_akuleshov7\_ktoml-core-jvm: ktoml-core-jvm 0.5.1 dev\_isxander\_settxi\_settxi-core: settxi-core 2.10.6 dev\_isxander\_settxi\_settxi-kotlinx-serialization: settxi-kotlinx-serialization 2.10.6 Launched Version: fabric-loader-0.15.10-1.20.4 Launcher name: minecraft-launcher Backend library: LWJGL version 3.3.2-snapshot Backend API: Intel(R) Iris(TM) Plus Graphics 645 GL version 4.1 INTEL-20.6.4, Intel Inc. Window size:  GL Caps: Using framebuffer using OpenGL 3.2 GL debug messages:  Using VBOs: Yes Is Modded: Definitely; Client brand changed to 'fabric' Universe: 404 Type: Client (map\_client.txt) Locale: en\_US CPU: 8x Intel(R) Core(TM) i5-8257U CPU @ 1.40GHz Suspected Mods: java.lang.RuntimeException: Mixin transformation of net.minecraft.class\_4599 failed 

at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClassDelegate.getPostMixinClassByteArray(KnotClassDelegate.java:427)
at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClassDelegate.tryLoadClass(KnotClassDelegate.java:323)
at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClassDelegate.loadClass(KnotClassDelegate.java:218)
at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClassLoader.loadClass(KnotClassLoader.java:119)
at java.base/java.lang.ClassLoader.loadClass(ClassLoader.java:525)
at java.base/java.lang.Class.getDeclaredMethods0(Native Method)
at java.base/java.lang.Class.privateGetDeclaredMethods(Class.java:3402)
at java.base/java.lang.Class.getDeclaredMethods(Class.java:2504)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.findMixinMerged(ModIdentifier.java:133)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.getMixinInfo(ModIdentifier.java:165)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.identifyFromThrowable(ModIdentifier.java:64)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.lambda$identifyFromStacktrace$2(ModIdentifier.java:42)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.visitChildrenThrowables(ModIdentifier.java:52)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.identifyFromStacktrace(ModIdentifier.java:41)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.lambda$getSuspectedModsOf$0(ModIdentifier.java:34)
at java.base/java.util.HashMap.computeIfAbsent(HashMap.java:1220)
at fudge.notenoughcrashes.stacktrace.ModIdentifier.getSuspectedModsOf(ModIdentifier.java:34)
at net.minecraft.class_128.md37a502$notenoughcrashes$lambda$beforeSystemDetailsAreWritten$1$0(class_128.java:535)
at net.minecraft.class_6396.method_37123(class_6396.java:66)
at net.minecraft.class_128.handler$eib000$notenoughcrashes$beforeSystemDetailsAreWritten(class_128.java:533)
at net.minecraft.class_128.method_555(class_128.java:81)
at net.minecraft.class_128.method_568(class_128.java:136)
at net.minecraft.class_128.method_569(class_128.java:157)
at net.minecraft.class_310.method_1565(class_310.java:1015)
at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:234)
at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch(MinecraftGameProvider.java:470)
at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch(Knot.java:74)
at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main(KnotClient.java:23)
Caused by: org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.throwables.MixinTransformerError: An unexpected critical error was encountered
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.applyMixins(MixinProcessor.java:392)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinTransformer.transformClass(MixinTransformer.java:234)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinTransformer.transformClassBytes(MixinTransformer.java:202)
at io.gitlab.jfronny.libjf.unsafe.asm.AsmTransformer.transformClassBytes(AsmTransformer.java:75)
at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClassDelegate.getPostMixinClassByteArray(KnotClassDelegate.java:422)
... 27 more
Caused by: org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.throwables.MixinApplyError: Mixin [mixins.canvas.client.json:MixinRenderBuffers from mod canvas] from phase [DEFAULT] in config [mixins.canvas.client.json] FAILED during APPLY
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.handleMixinError(MixinProcessor.java:638)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.handleMixinApplyError(MixinProcessor.java:589)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.applyMixins(MixinProcessor.java:379)
... 31 more
Caused by: org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.throwables.InvalidMixinException: u/Shadow field field_20958 was not located in the target class net.minecraft.class_4599. Using refmap canvas-refmap.json
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinPreProcessorStandard.attachFields(MixinPreProcessorStandard.java:624)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinPreProcessorStandard.attach(MixinPreProcessorStandard.java:302)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinPreProcessorStandard.createContextFor(MixinPreProcessorStandard.java:277)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinInfo.createContextFor(MixinInfo.java:1289)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinApplicatorStandard.apply(MixinApplicatorStandard.java:294)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.TargetClassContext.apply(TargetClassContext.java:422)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.TargetClassContext.applyMixins(TargetClassContext.java:403)
at org.spongepowered.asm.mixin.transformer.MixinProcessor.applyMixins(MixinProcessor.java:363)
... 31 more
​

The pain was the worst thing`Dominick Mason had ever known…and he knew what it felt like to die. It felt like his brain was in a blender, being chopped to liquid for a Jeffery Dahmer smoothie and though it seemed melodramatic, he imagined he could feel himself losing brain cells by the minute. The sun, Merrick told him, would not burn him, but it would decay him faster, so sleep or rest during the day. With the sick, throbbing agony in the center of his brain, however, that was impossible. He spent most of the day curled up on his side, hugging his knees, and moaning. He had flashbacks to dying in his apartment, and that made things even worse. The room became too small, too close, the air too stale. His heart, filled with the blood of last night’s meal, pounded in his chest, and he went from slightly chilly to hot and feverish as blood was forced through his circulatory system. It mixed with the embalming fluid and left him feeling full and constipated. He didn’t want to get up, but he also didn’t want to go on lying there. He was the definition of miserable.
Before long, the pain became too great and he got up to pace, pressing his hands to the sides of his head and gritting his teeth. Merrick, who slept very little if at all, sat in his chair and watched, trying his best to talk him through it. “It’ll be over soon,” Merrick said. “The pain receptors in your brain are the first to go. When they burn out, you won’t feel anything.”
“When?” Dom asked, his voice raising with the tide of pain.
“A couple days?”
“A couple days???”
“The pain will lessen gradually,” Merrick said, “this is the worst of it.”
Dom believed that this was, indeed, the worst of it, but he doubted it would lessen gradually. For the rest of the day, the pain got worse and worse until every light blinded him, every sound turned his stomach, and the smell of anything made his gorge rise. The cloying smell of the embalming fluid, the light but unmistakable odor of dead flesh, and the scent of stale blood sitting in decomposing stomachs made him want to vomit, but he was afraid to. He didn’t think he could handle the sight of blood rushing from his mouth and splattering the floor. He still possessed enough of his facilities, he believed, to go insane.
Pain has a way of darkening one’s mood, and by the time the sun began to set, Dom was in the most sour mood possible. Even Merrick’s calm, fatherly voice was beginning to get on his nerves. When he took the oath to him the day before (or was it the day before that?), he turned his faith and trust over to Merrick entirely. He was finally accepted, included, finally had the love and fellowship that, in the pit of his soul, he had always wanted. Merrick understood him, Merrick was kind to him.
But deep down, Dom realized that he didn’t fully trust him. He said that his brain didn’t rot because he was “lucky.” That sounded like some bullshit to Dom. Why wasn’t Joe a blithering idiot too? Was he lucky as well? Did lightning strike in the same place twice? In life, people had done nothing but hurt and lie to Dom. Why would death be any different? He thought back to the strange liquid that always seemed to leak from Merrick’s nose, and Joe’s. He thought it was embalming fluid, but it never leaked from his own nose, or from anyone else’s. He tried to tell himself that it was far too soon to judge, but once he began to doubt something, his mind raced away. He felt a twinge of guilt, as Merrick had done absolutely nothing to deserve his doubt, but goddamn it, his head was on fire and he wanted it to stop. Anything to make it stop.
Just after sundown, the music began as Club Vlad opened for the night. It throbbed in the center of Dom’s head and made him want to claw his eyes out. When it became too much for him, he slipped away and stumbled into the sultry summer night. He came out in the alley running behind the club, clutching his head and breathing through bared teeth. He staggered, bumped into a metal trash can, and roared at the top of his lungs, as if he could purge himself of the pain by screaming.. His voice echoed and came back to him, making the pain worse.
Merrick was lying. He knew it. People always lied to him. His brain was rotting and PEOPLE WERE LYING! Flashing with anger, he slammed his fist into the brick wall of a Chinese restaurant. He barely felt anything so he did it again and again until his hand was lumpy and shaking. He sat heavily on the ground and pressed his hands to his head. It felt like maggots were burrowing into his brain, and he was suddenly terrified that they really were. He needed to stop this awful pain, but how?
An idea came to him.
The funeral home.
Maybe there was something there.
He was on his feet and lumbering there before the thought had even finished reverberating through his mind. It was a long shot, but he was desperate. On the way there, he stuck to the shadows, staying out of the light cast by the streetlamps and avoiding people. When he passed them, he kept his head down. When he reached the funeral home, he went to the back door where he and Jessie had gone the other day. He tried it, and it opened.
Inside, he bounced off the walls like a pinball, knocking over an end table and tearing at the flesh of his head, pulling it away in long, gray strips. He panted like a wild animal, his body a raging tempest of emotions. It was reaching a crescendo, he thought, his brain was about to go supernova. The world dimmed, things got really echoy. The young man he’d picked the embalming fluid up from was there, looking scared.
Flashing, Dom grabbed him by his shirt and slammed him against the wall, knocking a painting of a flowery field to the carpet. Everything seemed to go in slow mo. “How does Merrick keep his brain from rotting?” Dom heard himself demanding from far away. “How does he keep the pain away?”
The man trembled. “I-I-”
Dom slammed him again. “Tell me or I’ll make you like me.”
“No!” the man wailed. He shook his head from side to side, his eyes wet with fear.
“How?”
“He-He uses a solution,” the man stammered. “Some kind of special thing. It preserves his brain. That’s all I know.”
An idea occurred to Dom.
Holding the man by the back of his neck, Dom dragged him into the embalming room and pushed him against the table. His head felt like it was swelling. Hot, screaming, getting ready to explode. He looked around, found the embalming machine, and grabbed the hose. There was a sharp tip on it so that you could jam it into a body. He held it in his hand, hesitating for just a moment before pressing it to his temple. The man watched in horror as Dom slowly shoved the tip into his head. It tore his flesh, broke through his skull, and sank into his brain. He felt no pain, only pressure, but cried out anyway. His eyes rolled up into his head and a shudder went through his body.
“Turn it on!” he yelled.
“That’s not what he -”
“TURN IT ON!”
Starting, the man turned the machine on. Cold embalming fluid squirted directly into Dom’s brain. Almost at once, the pain began to ebb away, replaced only by a fuzzy sense of numbness. His knees buckled and he sank to the floor, looking for all the world like an addict taking a hit of his favorite substance after a long and trying day. Fluid leaked from his nose, ears, and eyes and dripped down the back of his throat.
The man waited for a long time, then turned the machine off.
The pain was gone.
At least for now.
“Tell me again,” Dom said.
The man did. Merrick used a special preserving agent to keep his brain intact. Joe, the man suspected, got it as well. So Merrick had lied to him.
Dom felt betrayed.
And angry.
Leaving the man (Dom realized that he didn’t even know his name), he walked back to Club Vlad, his hands fisted in his pockets. All his life, he had been hurt, lied to, and ignored. All his life, people had done wrong to him. And all those years, he just took it.
He resolved not to be so accepting in death.
At last, he was going to stop being a sniveling little bitch and stand up for himself.
When he reached Club Vlad, he slammed through the back door and took the stairs two at a time. At the top, he called out Merrick’s name. The old man was sitting in his chair, being attended to by Jessie and Matt. He looked startled when Dom came in. “You lied to me,” Dom said, stalking over to his benefactor.
“What are you talking about?” Merrick asked, doing his best to sound innocent.
“You lied to me!” Dom screamed. He bent over and got so close to Merrick’s face that he could have kissed him. “You told me there was no way to save my brain, but that’s not true. You’re pumping your head full of shit and letting the rest of us rot.”
A dark shadow flickered across Merrick’s face. “Watch your tone when you talk to me,” he said. His voice was low, menacing.
“Fuck you,” Dom said. “I should k -”
Suddenly, Dom was being grabbed from behind and yanked back, an arm around his neck. He cried out in alarm as Joe swung him around and slammed him face first into the wall. He heard his nose crunch, felt his teeth shatter. Next, Joe wrestled him to the glitter-sprinkled floor and wedged his knee between his shoulder blades.
Merrick watched with a sneer of disgust, his hands gripping the arms of his chair. He wheeled himself over, Jessie holding his IV stand steady and following behind. “Listen, you son of a bitch,” Merrick said, “you’re lucky to be a part of this family.”
Cold fear filled the pit of Dom’s stomach, yet he wouldn’t back down, couldn’t back down. He had lived his entire life like a mouse in a burrow, he wasn’t about to live his entire death the same way.
“Fuck your family,” he said defiantly. “And fuck you.”
Merrick’s face darkened and he sat back in his chair. He looked at Jessie and nodded. She went away and came back a moment later holding something in her hand. Dom’s eyes widened when he saw what it was.
A wooden stake, one end honed to a razor point.
Why they had one of those lying around, Dom didn’t know; it’d be like Superman keeping a piece of kryptonite on the mantle over the fireplace. Merrick directed Max and Matt to hold Dom’s arms down/ Joe pivoted, kneeling on his head now so that Dom’s back was exposed. Dom’s heart slammed with terror and tremors raced through his body.
“Is this what you want, Dominick?” Merrick asked. “To die? To truly die?”
Dom swallowed hard. No, it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to live, to love, to have a family one day. He wanted a happy, normal life, the life TV and social media had been promising him since he was a little boy.
But all of that went out the window the night he died in his little apartment. There was no life anymore, just a grotesque parody of life. What was there for him other than death? Clinging desperately onto life for decades like Merrick? Stuffing himself full of embalming fluid and moth balls? Grinding for one more minute just so he could sit hooked up to a machine?
Dom spoke.
“What?” Merrick asked, not having heard.
Dom licked his lips. “Just fucking do it.”
For a moment, nothing happened. Expectation hung in the air. Finally, breaking the tension, Merrick nodded to Jessie. Kneeling down, she brought the stake up, and Dom closed his eyes.
This was it.
He braced himself for death.
Jessie brought the stake down just as a shot rang out, deafening in the small space. Her head whipped back, embalming fluid, skull fragments, and gray, sickly pieces of brain showering from the back of her head. She flopped back and landed on the floor with a sickening thud.
A woman cop, her black uniform in stark contrast to the burning white light, stood in the doorway to the hall, her gun drawn. Everyone did, indeed, freeze, more out of surprise than respect for authority. They all looked at her, their dead mouths agape, resembling children who’d been caught doing something wrong.
“Everyone on the ground!” she barked.
No one knew what to do. They hadn’t expected to be raided by the police so had not prepared. She jerked her gun and everyone instinctively flinched. “On the ground!” she repeated. To Max: “You too, bone boy.”
The first one to react was Joe. He sprang at her like a big, undead frog. She brought the gun around and fired, but he was already crashing into her. The shot went wild and struck the IV bag next to Merrick; he ducked and let out a sound of fear. The others rushed her, and Dom got quickly to his feet. Jessie lay on the floor, her mouth open in a silent scream and her bony fingers frantically examining the ragged hole in the center of her forehead. For a moment, he was frozen; everything was happening too fast. Then, when Merrick saw him and cried, “Stop him!, he came alive. Jessie tried to grab at his leg, but he kicked her hand away and stomped on it like it was a giant spider. On the other side of the room, Matt, Joe, and Max had forced the cop to the ground. Perhaps excited by all the action, perhaps just hungry, they began to tear her apart. She howled in pain, and the last thing Dom saw before he fled was her open, blood-filled mouth. Her eyes were filled with pain…with terror.
After that, Dom ran.
***
When the interloper was dead, Merrick directed Joe and Matt to dispose of the body. “Get rid of it,” he said wearily and rubbed his temples, “make sure it isn’t found.”
They rolled her into a carpet from the office, and the way her feet stuck out may have been comical under other circumstances.
Goddamn it, this was bad. Merrick’s entire philosophy rested on avoiding detection. He had done well in that regard. Whereas other vampires had attacked their villages and gotten themselves dug from the ground and staked, he had made it four decades. He never shat where he ate, and there is no bigger turd than killing a cop. They might dawdle on all the boys who’d gone missing - taken because their blood was stronger and more robust than the blood of girls - but they would not take a cop dying lightly at all.
Merrick owned various businesses around the country. He and the others would simply move on. Tomorrow night, they would disappear into the night. They had done it before and they would likely do it again. Once things were settled at their new base of operations, he would have Joe killed for all the trouble he’d caused.
And Dom?
Let him go.
The little rat wouldn’t last a month on his own.
“Jessie?”
Jessie sat against the wall, gazing into space.
“Jessi…start packing. We’re leaving tomorrow.”
She didn’t move, didn’t seem to hear. The shot had all but lobotomized her.
Damn it.
Joe backed the van up to the back door of Club Vlad, and then helped Matt carry the carpet-rolled body down the stairs. They loaded it in and closed the back doors. Together, they drove around looking for a place to dump it. Merrick wanted it to go unfound, but Joe doubted there was anywhere isolated enough in the city. On a whim, he drove to Washington Park, a vast expanse of green trees and shadows. There was a large pond there. It seemed the best option. They were leaving tomorrow anyway, so did it really matter?
Joe backed the van to a railing overlooking the dark water and put it in park. He and Matt got out, fetched the body, and carried it to the railing. They lifted and heaved it over. It splashed. Thus, they rid themselves of Vanessa Rodregiez.
***
Bruce sat anxiously up in his easy chair and waited for his cell to ring.
Parked in front of the TV by warm lamplight, a beer wedged between his legs, he’d been watching the 11’o’clock news when the phone rang. He picked it up and it was Vanessa. “Hey,” she said, “I think I found our body?”
“Which one?” Bruce asked and took a drink. “We have a lot of those these days.”
“Dominick Mason.”
Bruce sat forward in his chair. “Dead Dom? Where?”
“He just came out of a funeral home, ironically enough.”
“That sounds about right,” Bruce said. “Where are you now?”
“I’m following him east on Central.”
“Are you sure it’s him?” Bruce asked.
“I think so, but I’m not sure. I’ll call you back when I’m done.”
Bruce sat the phone aside and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
At some point, he fell asleep sitting up, his head lulled to one side and his mouth open. He snorted himself awake, rubbed his eyes, and sat up. He checked his phone and was perturbed to see that it was past 2am.
Vanessa hadn’t called.
He dialed her number and let the phone ring until it went to voicemail. Sighing, he ended the call, then waited a few minutes and called again.
Still no answer.
It was possible she had forgotten. Maybe the guy turned out to not be Dead Dom after all. She followed some random guy around, realized it, and that was that. Hell, she was probably too embarrassed to call and tell him about it.
Something told him that wasn’t right, however.
There was something else going on here.
Something…darker.
Just before 3am, his phone rang. He snatched it off the end table next to the chair and answered it. It was Burt, the night sargent. “Rodriguez is missing,” he said simply.
Bruce’s heart sank. “Missing?”
“Yeah, she hasn’t checked in for hours and she isn’t answering calls.”
“I’m on my way,”
Bruce tore through the house, pulling on his uniform, socks, and shoes in less time than it took a Daytona 500 pit crew to service a car. In ten minutes he was speeding down 787, the Albany skyline rising in the distance. As he hurried to the station, he thought back to his last conversation with Vanessa. She’d found Dom the Dead Man, the “corpse” who’d scared Ed Harris out of a 20 year career. Despite all their talk about vampires and the living dead, Bruce didn’t believe it, not really. Even so, he was sure that Dominick Mason had done something to Vanessa.
He checked in at the station before doing anything else. They had triangulated Vanessa’s last known location via cell towers. Cops were already out searching the streets for her. Bruce went out as well, intending to start from her last known position and work his way east on Central. The closest funeral home was Tebbutt and Frederick on Central. There was also Lasak & Gigliotti on North Allen Street. Bruce didn’t know which one Vanessa had seen Dom come out of, so he checked both.
Both were deserted at this hour.
Undeterred, Bruce drove up and down Central Ave. At one point, he noticed a shape in an alleyway that looked human. He hit the brakes, jumped out, and pointed his gun at it. “Freeze!”
An old wino stepped out of the darkness. “Alright, you got me,” he said, hands up. “I started COVID. It was an accident, I swear.”
Bruce sighed and put his gun away.
For two more hours, Bruce searched the streets of Albany for Vanessa. At 4am, he spotted a squad car abandoned in the rear parking lot of an abandoned gas station on lower Lark Street. He called it in and the desk sergeant confirmed that it was the one Vanessa had signed out that night.
Still there was no sign of Vanessa herself.
Just after dawn, as the city came alive and CDTA buses began lumbering up and down the streets, Bruce got a call on his cell. “A jogger found a body in Washington Park.”
Bruce was in his personal car. He had no bubble light, no siren. Even so, he sped through the streets like he did, blowing through red lights and stop signs with little care to himself or anyone else. When he got to Washington Park, he found an army cops by the pond, the scene cordoned off with yellow crime scene tape. He slammed on the brakes, threw open the door, and jumped out without even turning off the engine.
The body was rolled up in a carpet and lying on the bank. Two beat cops unrolled it at Bruce’s direction. “We should wait for -” one of them started, but Bruce cut him off.
“Do it.”
They compiled, and at the carpet’s center, like a rotten cream filling, was the body of Vanessa Rodregiuez. Her head was tilted to one side, her eyes wide and staring. Her throat had been mangled and ripped away, her head nearly severed. Even in the black and red mess, Bruce could make out the teeth marks and puncture wounds. They may have looked like something else to anyone else who saw them, but he knew, in that moment, what they were dealing with.
A sharp pang of horror sliced through him, and his knees went weak.
“Jesus Christ,” one of the beat cops drew.
Bruce fell to, rather than knelt on, one knee. He bent over the body, a mixture of horror and grief welling his throat. He wanted to reach out, to comfort her in death, but he stayed his hand. Instead, he visually examined the body. She had bruises on her face, defensive wounds on her hands, and her gun was gone. Whoever had attacked her, she put up a fight.
Something glinted on her pants.
“What’s that?” one of the cops asked.
“I dunno,” the other replied, “but it’s all over the carpet.”
Indeed, there were glinty little specks all over it, winking like mocking eyes. Nice work, eh? We really fucked her up, didn’t we? Wink wink.
“It looks like…”
The other cop cut him off. “Glitter.”
Bruce flashed back to his visit to Club Vlad the other day.
There had been glitter everywhere.
Bruce stood up.
He had work to do.
***
Instead of going back to the station to start his shift, Bruce went to Lowes. There, he bought a mallet, a gas can, and a dozen sticks of wood. An employee in a blue vest used a machine to sharpen them to a wicked point and he took his purchases to the car. Next, he drove over to the Mobil station and filled the gas can. He was so hellbent on revenge that he sprang for premium, the good stuff. No expense shall be spared.
His final stop was at a Catholic church. He filled a canteen with holy water from the marble font by the door, then swiped a crucifix from the wall. He stopped by the station, went inside, and grabbed a black duffle bag with POLICE written across the front in yellow. He opened the gun cabinet in his office, took out a shotgun, and loaded it with shells. He grabbed a handful from the box and stuffed them into his pocket.
He was just finishing up when Bertha came in. “There you are,” she spat, “I’ve waited long enough for you to do something. I demand -”
Bruce shoved the duffle bag into her arms. “Make yourself useful.”
“What?” she demanded.
“We’re going to get your granddaughter,” Bruice lied. Kind of.
Bertha’s demeanor changed. “Good. It’s about time. I was starting to think you were a complete incompetent.”
Bruce didn’t answer. Outside, he plucked the bag out of Bertha’s hands and tossed it into the backseat. He slipped behind the wheel and Bertha sat in the passenger seat. “Where are we going?” she asked.
“Club Vlad,” Bruce said and started the engine.
“I want all of them arrested.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Bruce said.
She barked orders the entire way there. Bruce was so deep in his thoughts that he barely heard her. The image of Vanessa’s ruined throat and terror-twisted face haunted him, and he felt a lump forming in his throat. Hot tears filled his eyes but he blinked them back and forced himself to calm down.
I’ll cry when I’m done killing, he thought.
A few minutes later, he pulled to the curb in front of Club Vlad. It was a hot and sunny day and the place seemed even more ominous because of it. The windows were black, the front cast in perpetual shadows by the old marquee from when it used to be a theater. The place was surely closed, but Bruce could hear music still playing from inside, some techno dance bullshit. “Alright,” he said, “let’s go.”
Getting out, he slung the dufflebag over his shoulder and carried the shotgun, the canteen full of holy water clasped to his belt. Bertha carried the gas can, looking confused. “Why do we need this?” she asked.
“We’re burning the place down.”
Bertha blinked in surprise…then an evil grin carved across her face. “That’ll show the bastards.”
Unlike last time, the door was locked. Bruce used the butt of the shotgun to break the glass, then reached inside and unlocked the door, being careful not to cut himself. This was the point of no return. What he had in mind would probably get him kicked off the force or even thrown in jail - and we all know how tough jail can be for a former barnaclehead. The memory of Vanessa’s contorted face pushed him on, however.
He’d suffer any consequences he needed to just so long as he got the sons of bitches who did this to her.
Inside, the club was cool and cave-like. Strobe lights flashed, on and off, black and white, dazzling Bruce’s eyes. The bartender was at his station, cleaning up from the night before. When he saw Bruce and Bertha come in, he started. Bruce pointed the shotgun at him. “Don’t fucking move,” he commanded.
The bartender hesitated, then reached for something under the bar.
The shotgun kicked in Bruce’s hands, and the bartender flew back, turning as he crashed into the barback. Bottles, glasses, and mugs crashed to the floor along with the bartender. Bruce racked the gun, and the shell flew out. He moved low and fast now, expecting to be swarmed by vampires, living thugs who worked for vampires, or vampire thugs who worked for themselves.
Though the shot had been like thunder, no one came.
Bruce had no idea where to go, but he imagined that vampires were naturally gravitate to the lowest part of the building. Was there a basement? Shit, he should have looked up the building plans at city hall. Damn, this is what happens when you go off half-cocked. He searched around a bit, opening doors and sweeping the rooms beyond with the shotgun. He found no basement, only stairs leading up. “Stay close,” he said to Bertha.
In the lead, Bruce crept up the stairs, the flashlight on the shotgun providing a cone of clean, white light. At the top of the stairs, he went right, and came to an office and a store room. Backtracking, and bumping into a bungling Bertha, he went into the next room. It was large and open with a vaulted ceiling, almost like a ballroom. Here the same strobe lights throbbed on and off, making him dizzy. Was this to dazzle prospective vampire hunters?
Either way, this was the place. Bodies lay strewn across the floor, some curled up on their sides and others in the classic vampire pose: Flat on their backs with their hands laced over their chests. In the center, like the sun to the planets, Merrick Garvis lay slumped back in his wheelchair, his neck exposed for any potential assassin to come and cut. Not that it would kill him. At least Bruce didn’t think it would.
“They’re all dead,” Bertha whispered. She looked around and gasped. “There’s Jessie.”
Jessie lay on her back, her hands folded on her chest. She had a ragged bullet hole in the center of her forehead. “Oh, God,” Bertha wavered, “someone shot her.”
He hoped it was Vanessa. And he hoped it fucking hurt.
Looking around, Bruce couldn’t find Dominick Mason. Was he the one who killed Vanessa? Was it a group effort? He wanted the little son of a bitch bad, but it looked like he’d have to go on without him. They didn’t have much time.
Unshouldering the duffle bag, he knelt down and rummaged around. “Start splashing that gas on the bodies,” he said.
“But -”
“Just do it,” he snapped.
There must have been a harder edge in his voice than normal, because Bertha jumped and did as she was told. She upended the can and began to splash gasoline onto the sleeping forms, the smell of it acrid and strong.
Taking out a stake and the mallet, Bruce went over to Merrick and knelt down. He gripped the stake in one hand and placed it firmly against Merrick’s chest. He brought the mallet up and hesitated, the gravity of what he was doing finally reaching him. What if he was wrong? What if -
Merrick’s head whipped up and their eyes locked.
Too late.
Bruce brought the mallet down as hard as he could. The stake drove deep into Merrick’s heart, and the vampire let out a howling screech that rang through the chamber like the cry of a banshee. His bony fingers clawed at the stake and his head whipped from side to side, his back arching and his robe coming open. In the quick strobe pattern, Bruce was shocked to see that his body was little more than a wood frame, chicken wire, and cotton balls. His blacked heart was hidden behind a screen of mesh that the stake had easily torn through. It throbbed, seemingly in time with the strobe lights, and Merrick let out another wail.
Bertha screamed, and Bruce jumped to his feet.
The vampires, drawn by their master’s cries of distress, were rising to their feet. Two, four, six of them, pale and ethereal like ghosts in a gothic mansion. They came toward Merrick, and Bruice fell back a step. The old man had gone still and lay slumped to one side, his eyes open and his mouth slack, embalming fluid leaking from the corner of his lips. Jessie bent over him and touched his face. Though she moved like a zombie, with no human emotion, Bruce was crazily sure that it was a touch of tenderness and love. Merrick didn’t stir.
He was dead.
Jessie looked at him. Yellow liquid leaked from her eyes like tears. Instead of attacking him, she turned on her grandmother and slammed her against the wall. Bertha screamed and dropped the can. It landed on its side, its contents sloshing out onto the floor. A man that resembled the pictures Bruce had seen of Joe Rossi only deader rushed him, slamming into him and knocking the shotgun aside. It hit the floor and skidded away. Joe grabbed Bruce around the throat and squeezed. Still the lights flashed, off and on, off and on. The walls thrummed with the mechanized beat of dance music, pierced only by Bertha’s screams as Jessie ripped out her throat.
Joe leaned in, his fangs wicked and glowing in the light. Bruce clawed at the monster’s face, tearing away strips of dead flesh. Joe turned his head to the side, and Bruce kneed him in the groin. Even dead, getting kicked in the balls hurt like hell, apparently. Joe’s grip loosened and Bruce was able to shove him off. Bruce unclasped the canteen and frantically screwed the cap off as Joe recovered. Joe sprang at him again, and Bruce splashed him in the face.
A sound like sizzling meat filled the air, and Joe screamed at the top of his lungs. He pressed his hands to his face and danced around the room, his skin liquifying and oozing between his fingers. The others were coming now, led by a terrible skeletal thing. Bruce scooped the shotgun off the floor, brought it around, and fired. The blast hit the thing dead center, tearing it literally in half. The top half flew back, an all too human look of surprise on its face, and the bottom half fell over with a wet thud. Another vampire came at, and Bruce slammed it across the face with the butt of the gun. He heard its jaw crack, saw teeth flying.
Bertha lay dead on the floor, Jessie bent over her. The smell of Bertha’s blood attracted the others, who seemed to forget about Bruce, Merrick, and everything else. Joe was on his knees, wailing in pain, and the skeletal thing was pulling itself toward Bertha. A feeding frenzy broke out as vampires fought to get a piece of her the way piglets might fight over their mother’s teat. Bruce watched in a mixture of horror and fascination, but recovered himself. He grabbed the gas can from the floor and dumped the rest of its contents on Merrick’s body, the feeding vampires’ backs, and the floor, using the last of it to make a little trail to the door. He tossed the can aside, bent down, and stuck a match.
A huge, fiery whump filled the room, and fire streaked along the trail. The vampires all went up in a huge ball of flames, and fire shot up Merrick’s body, catching his robe, his hair, and the wooden frame that had kept him semi upright for God knows how long. Letting out inhuman screams, the vampires broke from Bertha’s corpse. One stumbled around, bounced off the wall, and fell; another toddled toward Bruce before falling to its knees. The half skeleton kept drinking from Bertha’s neck even as it burned.
The heat was enormous, baking. Bruce backed away, and the last thing he saw before smoke obscured his vision was Merrick Garvis.
He was literally melting.
***
Dominick Mason tried to go home, but he no longer had a home. All of his worldly possessions sat on the sidewalk in front of his building, discarded coldly as easily. His key didn’t work in his door and there was a FOR RENT sign on it. Why would it be any other way? He was dead. Sooner or later, everyone forgets you when you’re dead, and all the things you held so dear wind up in the trash. It was a hard pill to swallow, but most people aren’t around to see it after they die.
He was.
From his building, he walked east toward Washington Park. In the distance, thick, black smoke billowed into the air, and sirens rose. He barely noticed and wouldn’t have cared even if he did. No more rubbernecking for him. That was for the living.
The pain that had plagued him so the previous day came back, only less this time. Maybe he was imagining it, but it was getting harder to think. Not that he cared, really. What was there to think about anyway? How he had no one to mourn or miss him? How he died and not one single person, except for maybe his mother, cared, or even noticed? How he had done nothing with his life? Even to the women he’d slept with, what was he? Just another dating app hookup. They probably didn’t even remember his name.
Merrick had been right about one thing. Death was easy. It was life that was hard…life that hurt.
With that in mind, Dominick made his way to Washington Park. It was a vast and deep place with many small caves and thickets. Kids played on the playground, their cries of laughter scenting the still air. It had grown cloudy and began to rain. Still, smoke poured into the sky in the direction of Club Vlad. Dom didn’t wish ill on Merrick and the others, didn’t hope it was them burning. He didn’t care anymore. Not about them, not about anyone. For better or worse (and he would argue it was worse), his life was over. His time came days ago, he just missed the boat.
Picking out an isolated little area, Dom sat against a tree with his legs splayed out in front of him. He titled his head back and closed his eyes. Yes, thinking was hard now. His mind felt sluggish, cold. He was thirsty…so, so thirsty, but he ignored it.
Slowly, the bugs found him. Flies buzzed around him and laid their eggs in his skin. Beetles scuttled over him, followed by worms.
Next, it was the birds. They ate out his eyes and nibbled at his blue, bloated skin.
The animals came last.
Their appetites were bigger.
And they left little remaining of poor, outcast Dominick Mason.
***
That night, Bruce sat alone in his little trailer, a bottle of whiskey wedged between his legs and unshed tears in his eyes. He stared at his reflection in the darkened TV set and took long swallows from the bottle. He planned to drink until he forgot or passed out, whichever came first. He tried to not think about Vanessa, but in his addled state, he couldn’t control himself, and began to cry. When that storm passed, like the others before it, he chugged from the bottle.
As distant church bells clanged the hour - midnight - a feeble knock came at the door. Bruce took another drink and it came again. Getting up, he stumbled, nearly fell, and gripped the bottle tightly. He didn’t want to lose one precious drop.
Again, the knock.
“I’m coming,” Bruce slurred. He staggered to the door and fought with the lock. He was dizzy and seeing double.
When he got it, he opened the door.
The bottle dropped from his hand and clanked onto the floor.
Vanessa, clad in a puke green hospital gown, stood on the step, her hands pressed to her chest and a look of anguish on her milk white face. Her head tilted to one side, the wounds on her neck cleaned but open, gaping. Her dark eyes shone with tears. “I’m dead,” she said.
Breaking down in tears, she collapsed against him and they sank to the floor. She was cold and smelled. Bruce wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest anyway. “Shhh, it’s alright,” he said drunkenly. “Hey, it’s alright.
“I’m dead,” she repeated, and her voice broke. “I don’t want to die.”
Bruce held her close, trying to warm her icy skin. He didn’t know what to say, so he cried with her.
“You’re safe now,” he said, “it’s going to be okay.”
“I want blood,” she said and sobbed harder, “I want to hurt people.”
“Shhh,” Bruce said again. “It’s okay.”
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a utility knife. He flicked the blade across his wrist and searing pain shot up his arm. “Here,” he said and offered her his blood, “drink this.”
He did this without care and without thought. She needed him, and one barnaclehead always backs up another.
Vanessa hesitated, looking from his face to the oozing blood, unsure.
“Go ahead,” he told her.
Vanessa brought his wrist to her mouth.
And began to drink.

A Guide to Eating During Finals

Procrastination for finals, so I decided to throw down a food guide that I came up with during break after my first set of finals in law school.
This might be helpful for you if you feel bad eating (financially or physically) during finals, and you want that to change. Graduating 3Ls, take note for bar-prep.
Mandatory disclaimer: not a dietitian, nutritional expert, etc.

Rules

My meals during finals have to comply with three rules: 1) whole, 2) fast, and 3) cheap. Here's why.
Rule 1: Whole (Foods)
You don't want your gut to be a distraction while you're studying, so avoid stuff that your stomach doesn't agree with. Whole foods will typically be high in all of that nutritional stuff, which might help you feel better.
Insert scientific mumbo-jumbo about brain food, etc. (your healthy friend would know)
Placebo: If you think you're eating healthy, you might be able trick your body/mind into thinking you can study better.
Rule 2: Fast
Food may feel like a distraction during finals, so pick stuff you'll enjoy eating and can make fast.
This does NOT mean that you should eat fast. Take the time that you're eating to watch an episode of Better Call Saul or the Office or whatever and enjoy the break. I am partial to stand-up. Laugh a little.
Rule 3: Cheap
This doesn't have to apply to you, but it does to me. Some things below are more expensive than others, but they're not more expensive than eating garbage, feeling like garbage, and then struggling to get your work done.

My Eating Plan

Goal here is to handle your dietary needs without feeling like hot garbage while you wade through Major Questions Doctrine or secured transactions or [choose-your-own-hell]. YMMV, but here's what I do.
Four categories of meals planned before the week starts: 1) Protein-Carb, 2) Carb-Protein, 3) healthy snacks, 4) comfort snacks.
Some say three meals (B/L/D) are enough. I disagree; during finals, you're typically exerting yourself a lot harder than your body and brain are used to, and your meals should accommodate that. [For my gymrats, you're in the same boat. Adjust those macros accordingly. Ppl don't usually try to study 12 hours a day throughout the semester.]
My approach: two light meals and two big meals everyday, plus unlimited healthy snacks, and limited unhealthy snacks. Plan your light meals and big meals according to your dietary needs and other plans (like working out, studying away from home, etc.). I study at home, and this is what I do:

• Breakfast - 8am-ish: Protein-Carb
• Early lunch - 11am: Carb-Protein
• Grandma dinner - 4pm: Carb-Protein
• Night light - 9pm: Protein-Carb

Eat BEFORE you get hungry.
Here's what I mean by all that.
For protein-carb meals, my goal is to get more protein than I'm used to. Helps me focus better while studying, and it's lighter on the stomach (at least for me). Lighter on the carbs a bit for the same reason. These meals feel smaller than what I'm used to, but they get me what I need to start the day or sleep well throughout the night.
For carb-protein meals, my goal is to make sure I'm getting enough calories for the day. By this point (lunch or grandma-hour dinner), my focus is starting to fade and my body needs fuel. Focus on the carbs and try to get at least the amount of protein you're used to. This helps me close out the final stretches in the day, and is also good if I want to hit the gym or get some exercise in the evening.
Finally, let's talk about snacks. I allow myself limited unhealthy snacks and unlimited healthy snacks. I'll eat as much fruit (grapes, apples, berries sometimes, and cucumbers are my go-to) and as many energy bars as I want during the day; easy to do while studying and don't come with a crash. For limited healthy snacks, I pick a time of the day (usually closer to the evening) when I will have one unhealthy snack of moderate portion size (some candy, ice cream, etc.) to reward a good day's work.

The Foods

Below, I list the carbs, proteins, snacks that have worked well for me and mostly satisfy the rules. Not really an exhaustive list, but hopefully it sparks some ideas.

Carbs	Protein	Snacks
Pita bread/chips	Quinoa, Chia	Fruits/berries
Sourdough, baguettes, Italian bread, etc.	Chickpeas	Peanut butter
Bagels	Beans of all kinds	Energy bars
Oats	Eggs	Granola
Pasta	Chicken (rotisserie!)	Seaweed
Rice (pilaf)	Ground turkey/beef	Dates
Potatoes (golden)	Cottage cheese	Ritz and other crackers
Sweet potatoes	Greek yogurt	Frozen hashbrowns
Yams	Lentils	Nuts like almonds/walnuts
Rice cakes	Tofu, tempeh	Jerky
Tortillas	Canned tuna	Dark chocolate
	Frozen fish/shrimp	Greek yogurt

Protein-Carb Meals

• See "Rotisserie Chicken" below
• Overnight oats: oats + milk + yogurt + toppings (unlimited combos, high protein, easy to eat)
• Chia: chia + milk in the fridge overnight, then throw on toppings in the morning
• Eggs your way: hardboiled will get you through a few more days than usual
• Crispy tofu: air fry, toss in sauce, over a little rice or pasta
• Ground meat on anything, but probably in tortillas or on pasta

Carb-Protein Meals

• Bagels: usual cream cheese, etc. or throw a little salmon/turkey action
• Pasta: of any kind- pick a sauce, pick a protein that goes with it (or put the protein on the side)
• Quesadilla/tacos: can of refried beans microwaved + tortillas + cheese
• Rice pilaf: top with a little chicken or protein of your choose
• Lentil rice: easy if you have a rice cooker but doable otherwise
• Baked potatoes: cheese, sour cream, chicken, etc.
• Sandwiches: use that sourdough or bread-of-choice, load up
• Rice cakes are OP. Discover them

Rotisserie Chicken
This is a cracked food for finals, and in general. You can do so much with it:

• buffalo chicken wrap: tortilla + lettuce + buffalo + ranch
• chicken and rice: and a little dab of greek yogurt for fun
• shawarma: hummus, pickles
• salad: usual greens and your go-to dressing
• pasta: toss with a little alfredo sauce
• sandwich: cheese, greens, sauce, etc.

Snacks

• Pita chips and hummus (if you can get pita bread, make these in your airfryer for way cheaper)
• Tortilla chips + guac + salsa
• Yogurt + berries
• Smoothies
• Oats/Chia with toppings
• Dates or nuts, straight up
• Toast with nutella, peanut butter, etc.

Last thing: FIND A PROTEIN BLEND YOU LIKE! This doesn't conform strictly to the rules for a few reasons, but it's great if you can get it. I'm not vegan, but I have tried a few plant-based protein powders that work wonders. If you're sensitive to dairy (like me), you can get protein isolate. Put it in smoothies, yogurt, etc. or just chug it with some water. This will help you get the protein you need if you just can't find something to eat.

Parting Thoughts

Nothing in this guide is new. Everything has been said elsewhere. I've sent some version of this to too many law students to think that this won't be helpful to a few of you out there. DM anytime if you need help. Like I said before, not an expert but been around the block on this thing.
Some find it helpful to talk this stuff out with ChatGPT. Honestly, if you're the type to come up with a plan and carry it out, go for it. But you might find it easier to walk into Kroger, Trader Joe's, etc., walk around with a general idea of what you'd want off my list above, and just get what's within your budget. When it's time to eat during the day, look at my list of meals and just make the one that sounds most appealing to you. They key here is not to be paralyzed by choice. Put some shorts on, go to the store. Save your thinking for school.
Don't be afraid to stick to one meal: if you make something and want to eat it day after day, go for it. I've made the same thing for lunch everyday during finals season for the last three semesters. It's now my go-to when I have trials at work, and it will be my go-to during the bar exam.
Make adjustments based on what your week looks like. Your eating plan might be different if you're going to be at work for the first half of the day, or if you're studying at the library instead of at home. Your period might be coming up. You might have guests or an invite for dinner. Be flexible and think ahead.
DRINK COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF WATER THROUGHOUT THE DAY. You know it's good for you, but you here's two more reasons: it will force you to get up periodically and walk around (to pee or refill), and you'll often find yourself less frustrated. When I get stuck on something while I'm studying, I habitually grab my water bottle and take a sip, which literally and figuratively cools my nerves—even forces me to look away for a second. Whatever the reason, find a good one to DRINK LOTS OF WATER.
And with that, go out there and conquer.

Never study hungry.

In physics and materials science, the Curie temperature, or Curie point, is the temperature above which certain materials lose their permanent magnetic properties, which can be replaced by induced magnetism.

Well wtf is it then. Ffs Floyd, ya really fucked us. Greedy shit.

Toaster ovens usually start with a temperature of 180 degrees which is useful for keeping foods warm. Baking is typically done in the 325-375 degree range. Broil functions are usually at a temperature of 450-500 degrees, the maximum temperature for a toaster oven.

320 deg? 60 hz

In geometry, a cycloid is the curve traced by a point on a circle as it rolls along a straight line without slipping. A cycloid is a specific form of trochoid and is an example of a roulette, a curve generated by a curve rolling on another curve. The cycloid, with the cusps pointing upward, is the curve of fastest descent under uniform gravity.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/69/Cycloid_f.gif
A "cycloid machine" out of an old TV. Genius. No, two tvs. interesting.

Pulse-width modulation, also known as pulse-duration modulation or pulse-length modulation, is any method of representing a signal as a rectangular wave with a varying duty cycle. PWM is useful for controlling the average power or amplitude delivered by an electrical signal.

Floyd's 'space flux alternator', neon magnets
Walt Rosenthal built a ZERO CROSSING SWITCH (finally) to dump capacitor at 0 cross point at 2 milliseconds
Three electrolytic capacitors joined by copper bus bar 1/4inch thick and 1/2inch wide wired into an SCR

A silicon controlled rectifier or semiconductor controlled rectifier is a four-layer solid-state current-controlling device. The name "silicon controlled rectifier" is General Electric's trade name for a type of thyristor. The principle of four-layer p–n–p–n switching was developed by Moll, Tanenbaum, Goldey, and Holonyak of Bell Laboratories in 1956.

and from the SCR into the coils. Magnets were heated when dumping capacitor to 0 cross.
Schappeller Device

In a book titled The Physics of the Primary State of Matter, published in the 1930s, Karl Schappeller described his Prime Mover, a 10-inch steel sphere with quarter-inch copper tubing coils. These were filled with a material not named specifically, but which is said to have hardened under the influence of direct current and a magnetic field [electro-rheological fluid]. With such polarization, it might be guessed to act like a dielectric capacitor and as a diode.
The same material is inside the rotor. The transfer of electrons upward, and the magnetic field of the sphere combine to turn the rotor. No direct conversion of this energy to electricity is described, but the rotor could be attached to a generator...
According to Schappeller, the amount of this sustaining rotation of the device would be termed ‘glowing magnetism’ and be located at the center of the sphere. Present day terminology might be ‘plasma’.
Primary magnetism, or a glowing hydrogen core of energy, is always spherical, because it forms radially concentrically on the point of inequality.

Well what do you know. Glowing orbs.

Tips and Tricks
Basics

• You can not manually safe the game, the game saves automatically if you end the day or go to sleep.
• Time does not pass before opening or after closing the shop. You can take your time to prepare for the day.
• You can hire servers to help you, make sure to check the chores of the servers after you hire them.
• Food is ready when you can see the little red flame symbol above it. Although this might seem obvious, I thought for a long time that I had to take it off before the progress bar was full.
• Check before you end the day if the restaurant is clean, no food is left outside the fridge and the fridges are closed. Otherwise you will receive a fine from the Health Inspector.

Cooking

• You can make the available recipes and store them in the fridge. That way you have a stock.
• Some food must be served hot, you can heat up almost everything in a microwave.
• Soup is an exception: you can heat up soups by putting the pot or a plate on a stove.
• If you want to make up your plate and you need multiple of the same ingredient (for example: wings), its easiest if you take the plate in your hand and click on the ingredients. The ingredients will appear on your plate.

Storage

• Personally I like to keep ingredients in the box for easy storage, because it takes up less space then unpacking everything (and cost less time). Therefore, I mostly buy a lot of one item at a time and store it in the freezer.
• On the other hand can it be useful to keep multiple ingredients in a box if you use them mostly at the same place. For example I store all my stuff for baking (flour, yeast, sugar etc.) in a box in the cabinet nearby my mixers.

Tricks

• It's almost impossible to carry multiple things at once, but sometimes you can by using a baking tray. When I have to get multiple ingredients from the fridge (i.e. chicken breast, red pepper, garlic and lemon), I take a baking tray with me and put al the ingredients on it, that way I don't have to do multiple trips.
• It also works for multiple boxes from the stores, just bring a baking tray and stack the boxes on top.
• You can also carry more plates if you stack them like a upside down pyramid and click on the plate on the bottom.
• You can put multiple ingredients on a baking tray and grill them al at the same time. For example: you can stuff a baking tray with green pepper and put the baking tray on the grill. When you are done you can store them in the fridge and just add them before microwaving a meal.
• Above does not work if its a food you have to turn (like: skewers and chicken legs), because you can't turn food when it's on the tray.

This is what I can think of on the top of my head, I will update this list if I find more. If you have some tips or tricks, feel free to share them!
​
​

I’m not sure anyone will care about this, but I’m feeling so warm and fuzzy and just want to say how much I appreciate the people in this city. My partner and I (queer men) moved here from Cleveland with our baby daughter in 2022. We moved because Cleveland was a crappy place for our family and we hoped Chicago would be better. It is. Y’all are wonderful.
This afternoon I had a situation that could have been a real pain in the ass, and it was totally fine because every person I interacted with was helpful and kind. I walked out of the house at 4:45 for preschool pickup, without my keys. Couldn’t start the car or get back inside. Preschool closes at 5:30 and is 3 miles away. Partner at work an hour away until at least 7. Even when I get the kid back here we still need to get in, and all I have on me for this toddler is a juicebox and granola bar. Shit.
I texted the building group thread and someone immediately buzzed me in, so I could get the stroller from the lobby. Called a lyft and a locksmith. Locksmith said no problem, go get the kid, text me when you’re on your way back.
Lyft hit traffic, got to the school at 5:50. When he realized he was dropping me off at a deserted preschool with a stroller, the driver asked if everything was okay and do we need a ride back? (Unfortunately, kid still needs a carseat.) Teacher was super nice about being made to stay 20 minutes late... even though I saw her family waiting for her outside.
Got kid into the stroller and caught a bus. It was her first time on a bus! Driver was friendly and helpful, a lady moved to let me sit right in front of the stroller without me asking, and another lady feigned fascination when my kid started talking to her about dinner. What is this, Sesame Street? Bless you all.
I had missed a text from the locksmith, who needed to head downtown. I apologized and asked if there was any chance he could head back our way after? Just as we were getting off the bus, I got a text that he was at our apartment. He waited because he didn't want the kid to be stuck outside. I am verklempt. Demetrius at Amazing Lock Service if anyone is wondering. I can't say enough good things.
Neighbor tried to buzz us into the building but the lock was caught. Before I could even text again, a neighbor I don't know heard us and come out with her keys to let us in.
Demetrius made a new key just from a texted picture of my partner's housekey, was great with the curious toddler, and even gave me a discount. We were home in time for dinner and bedtime.
Guys. I just. I know this was a very lucky afternoon. And we live in Uptown, specifically because we were looking for somewhere LGBT friendly. But I'm a little overwhelmed and so thankful. On top of the situation itself, I was wearing a rainbow watch and a magenta "AIDS 5k run/walk" t-shirt - which I probably wouldn't in public in Cleveland, especially with a small child in tow. Everything would have taken much longer, including just getting a bus. It easily could've become a hostile and scary nighttime situation. Here... Demetrius the locksmith asked if someone else had a key, I said my partner and used "he" and immediately felt a bit of panic, but Demetrius didn't blink. Just - great, can he send you a picture of it?
This is a marvelous city and you are all great. Thanks for being so lovely. Have a beautiful weekend.

8-minute read.

Armenian legal center files Global Magnitsky Act sanctions with the U.S. Treasury Department against Azerbaijani officials for war crimes in Nagorno-Karabakh

The Armenian Legal Center for Justice and Human Rights (ALC) filed seven Global Magnitsky Act sanctions cases with the United States Department of State and Treasury against more than 40 senior Azerbaijani officials

They are co-filed by the Lemkin Institute and an Armenia-based law firm.
Also, last week, a bipartisan group of lawmakers introduced the “Azerbaijan Sanctions Review Act.” The proposed bill mandates the Biden Administration conduct a comprehensive review within 180 days of enactment to determine whether Azerbaijani officials listed in the bill meet the criteria for sanctions.
source,

U.S. authorities charge Congressman Henry Cuellar with accepting bribes from Azerbaijan to advance its interests

U.S. Rep. Henry Cuellar of Texas and his wife were indicted on conspiracy and bribery charges and taken into custody
From 2014 to 2021, Cuellar, 68, and his wife accepted nearly $600,000 in bribes from an Azerbaijan-controlled energy company and a bank in Mexico, and in exchange, Cuellar agreed to advance the interests of the country and the bank in the U.S., according to the indictment.

source,

United States reaffirms support for Armenia’s territorial integrity and sovereignty

A day after meeting Senator Cardin, the delegation from Armenia's ruling party met Michael Carpenter, Special Assistant to Joe Biden and Senior Director for Europe at the US National Security Council.
Carpenter reaffirmed the United States’ support for Armenia’s territorial integrity and sovereignty and welcomed the demarcation between Armenia and Azerbaijan based on the Alma-Ata Declaration.
They discussed CoP, the April 5 meeting in Brussels, and the AM-US and AM-EU cooperation in strengthening Armenia's resilience and economic diversification.
Carpenter welcomed the steps aimed at strengthening democracy in Armenia.
source,

military expert Vova Vartanov about the reorganization of military positions after the Tavush delimitation

REPORTER: What problems do you see here and how safe will this section be?
VOVA: Was there a chance not to pull back? Maybe no, maybe yes. Only the top brass of military-political leadership possess certain information.
REPORTER: Do you mean there was a threat of war, as warned by Pashinyan?
VOVA: There could be, yes, but we should exchange instead of giving. Azeris will move their positions forward. They will gain a trampoline in a poorly entrenched area that they could use later.
REPORTER: So Azeris gain a more convenient position for themselves?
VOVA: I wouldn't call it more convenient for them because this trampoline would take them to a forest. It could give them some tactical-level achievements but I don't see any strategic-level advantage for them with the use of these positions. After the delimitation, Azeris will move from 1.5 km to several hundred meters away from villages. This is a local tactical-level thing. One position can never have a strategic level of importance. The control of the interstate road is what's "strategic".
full,

ex-PM Aram Sargsyan criticized the church and accused its members of attempting to derail peace and incite conflicts

Sargsyan says Russia gave Azerbaijan its "approval" to attack Armenia in March by using those 4 Soviet-Azeri villages as an excuse, so it could derail Pashinyan's April 5 visit to Brussels and bring the ex-regime back to power. Sargsyan believes the Russian scheme didn't work because Pashinyan was able to control the threat, launch a delimitation process, and pry out Azerbaijan's approval of 1991 Almaty.
SARGSYAN: None of the Kremlin schemes have worked in recent years because they want to reverse the clock, which is an impossible task. Armenia will be a developed country headed to the West. Armenia will prevail, we will prevail, the state will prevail.
video,

Armenia's former High-Tech Minister (now MP) reveals details about the 2021 Abu Dhabi military expo and why Armenian products didn't reach the destination

HAKOB ARSHAKYAN: I haven't spoken about this in the past for various reasons but today I have that opportunity. In early 2021 Armenia was given a pavilion to display its military products during the Abu Dhabi expo. We prepared everything accordingly; you can request the official documentation. The small items reached their destination successfully, but there was a problem with the large ones. The delegation could not transport the large items in the same Yerevan-UAE airplane so another transit flight was chosen just for those items. So a route with a larger airplane was chosen that had to fly through Moscow. Our items were unloaded from the airplane in Moscow. They told us some documents were missing, so we gave it to them. Then they requested another document and we gave it to them, and they said they would absolutely load our items back and send it to Abu Dhabi. It kept being delayed one flight after another until the day of the expo. By the way, they weren't functional weapons, there were no explosives or dangerous components in them.
source, source,

World Press Freedom Index 2024 (by Reporters Without Borders)

Armenia climbs 6 positions, Georgia falls 26, Azerbaijan falls 13.
(1) Norway
(31) Moldova
(43) Armenia (was #49; score up by 1pt to 71.6)
(46) Italy
(47) Poland
(48) Croatia
(49) Romania
(55) United States
(62) South Korea
(65) Cyprus
(70) Japan
(88) Greece
(101) Israel
(103) Georgia (was #60 in 2021)
(154) Yemen
(158) Turkey
(162) Russia
(164) Azerbaijan (was #151 previously)
(176) Iran
(180) Eritrea
REPORTER: How do you explain this progress?
MELIKYAN (Chairman of the Committee to Protect Freedom of Expression): Indeed last year we also noticed a decline in violence against reporters, but sadly in recent days we have seen several instances of violence [during Tavush protests committed by police, and in parliament backyard committed by opposition MP's assistant]. The organization raised Armenia's score also thanks to legal reforms. There are ongoing active efforts and I believe the results of those will be visible this year. The organization also welcomes the abolishment of heavy insult as a felony; that law was adopted and repealed within a year.
REPORTER: There are several negative findings. For example, amid the conflict in Nagorno-Karabakh, there was an uptick in disinformation and hate speech.
MELIKYAN: In my opinion the most important criticism by the organization was in regards to the severe polarization of media. There is disrespect towards journalists and the profession of journalism. Other issues include various pressures [e.g. lawsuits by officials] and lack of punishment for violating journalists' rights [e.g. right to request and receive information]. We need to set the bar higher and start comparing Armenia to the Baltic states.
full, source, video,

anti-corruption: IRS inspected a thousand businesses (unclear if targeted or random) and found that half of them didn't provide electronic payment methods mandated under law

source,

Yerevan begins cracking down on "rich" bus drivers that pocket the passengers' cash: VIDEO

REPORTER: There is no strict rule yet requiring passengers to have on them a ֏100 coin or a mobile app while boarding, but the city has ramped up the monitoring of payments to combat theft.
CITY: Do not pay cash to drivers; use the coin machine. If you don't have a ֏100 coin and you ask the driver to break a bill for you, make sure to take that ֏100 from the driver and insert it into the coin machine.
REPORTER: The city plans to use the in-bus cameras and the special sensors that count the passenger traffic.
CITY: Once we launch these systems, we will know the exact number of daily passengers. Drivers will be asked to pay the missing amount. Those who are caught stealing will be fired. Our drivers already get paid a lot. A driver of a MAN bus earns ֏550,000 ($1,400) for 14 days of work [what in actual fuck?].
source,

Prosecutor General about reforms at military prosecutor's office

ANNA VARDAPETYAN: The 2020 war was a brutal lesson that has taught us several things. (1) We have launched serious changes in the personnel at the military prosecutor's office. We have increased the number of mil. prosecutors and provided them with professional training to make them independent so they can act as "outsiders" while investigating incidents.
(2) Mil. prosecutors make regular visits to military bases to meet soldiers and remind them that every action comes with consequences. The goal is to reduce army crime driven by interpersonal disputes between soldiers.
(3) I wrote a letter to the Defense Minister regarding the corruption schemes used in the army's procurement process. The ACC recently exposed a case involving a ranking official.
(4) There are criminal episodes exposed during the 2020 war investigation that we rather not discuss publicly today in order not to cause unintended damage to the morale of the army. We have filed several cases with the court to prosecute commanders for failing to carry out their duties, while in other cases the investigation has absolved some of the commanders.
source,

Prosecutor General lists the percentage of crime suspects arrested and jailed pending trial

2017: 92%
2018: 92%
2019: 89%
2020: 79%
2021: 77%
2022: 75%
2023: 75%
source,

Prosecutor General about the fight against domestic violence

VARDAPETYAN: We have started to "understand" what domestic violence is and we look differently at something that was previously considered "ordinary". The domestic violence detection rate is up. In some instances, prosecutors have reviewed cases and decided to pursue charges after identifying the domestic incidents as crimes.
Our attitude is changing towards domestic violence. We face resistance in small communities where the population accuses us of "destroying families". It requires a great deal of effort to explain to them that combatting domestic violence is meant to protect families.
source,

Prosecutor General about hundreds of asset forfeiture cases worth over $1.3 billion, mostly against ex-regime figures

VARDAPETYAN: We settled 4 cases last year and 2 more this year. This year's settled cases were about ֏609M and land plots. The minimum share of assets they can return to avoid a trial is 75%, but in some cases, we have negotiated a return of 85%-90%.
There are 15 active cases in courts that have reached the fact examination phase. A total of 103 cases have been filed for assets worth over $1.3 billion.
We have cooperated with European countries to freeze the assets in their baking systems but since it requires time and resources on their part, we have to share a percentage of the recovered funds with them. The exact percentage is negotiable. Last week we hosted European colleagues to discuss this and other issues.
source,

ex-regime MP wins a legal process and regains the right to use a clay mine near Yerevan

Գաջ CJSC is owned by ex-MP Mher Sedrakyan and his family. In 2012 it received a permit to exploit the gypsum-clay mine near Jrvezh until 2057.
By 2021 it owed ֏8.5M to Yerevan municipality because, under the mining contract, it was required to make small annual contributions to Yerevan's schools.
The company was warned about the outstanding debt. In 2023 administrative proceedings were launched and the Commission found that the company failed to repay the debt in time.
The Infrastructure Minister revoked the company's rights to use the mine and canceled the 2012 contract. Գաջ CJSC filed a lawsuit to appeal it. In February the parties agreed to settle the case and the company's rights to the mine were restored. The lawsuit was dropped.
source,

government launches e-work.am to help job seekers and businesses find a match: VIDEO

LABOR MINISTER: This is the first large-scale digital platform from the state that combines vacant job positions, businesses, and job seekers in one place. Similar attempts have been made in the past so we have to establish deeper ties with the private sector and state agencies to make this an important tool. The user can create a profile page with the resume. Businesses can contact them with offers.
ORGANIZER: The platform is connected to various state databases and automatically receives certain information and fills out the user's CV. Compared to private foreign websites where you can write fairy tales about yourself, this platform aims to provide accurate information, which in turn will help the state to have quality data for labor market analysis.
video,

չստիկներով դրիֆծյոռին բռնին: VIDEO

video,

futsal UEFA Champions League finale kickstarts in Yerevan: PHOTO

source,

Turkish court acquits 2 human rights activists who recognized Armenian genocide

Eren Keskin and Güllistan Yarkın were found not guilty of "insulting Turkish nation" by recognizing the genocide.
source,

Russia's Gazprom reports the first annual loss in 20 years as trade with Europe hit

Gazprom’s $6.9 billion net loss followed a net profit of approx. $13 billion in the previous year.
Revenue from sales outside Russia:
2022: ₽7.3 trillion
2023: ₽2.9 trillion
Russia’s share of Europe’s gas imports:
2021: 40%
2023: 8%

The long-delayed Power of Siberia 2 pipeline is planned to send gas [to China] from the fields that once supplied Europe, but would require years to build and still not compensate Gazprom’s losses in Europe, analysts say.
The loss of revenues from Europe is an unfixable problem without going back into Europe

credit, source,

Hello I’m seeking some advice because I’m dealing with urgency to pee + nighttime hunger almost every night and I’m worried I’m going to mess up by A1C even more.
To preface, I have had GERD and IBS for the past 5 years and just very recently started getting treatment for IBS. For the past 6-7 months, I wake up around 1-3 am with hunger pain on my upper abdomen with other gnarly IBS symptoms (bloating & gas). At first I thought it was due to GERD or IBS. The way I started to mitigate the hunger pangs was I would eat either 1 slice of whole wheat bread or 1 nature valley granola bar + 1 ensure protein drink (HORRIBLE! I know - this was before my diagnosis of predicates 5.9 A1C). Unfortunately I can only go back to sleep if I eat something or else I spend hours in pain trying to ignore it.
Fast forward to these past 1-2 months, I’ve changed my diet and no longer have slices of bread by themselves, granola bars or ensure drinks at all. I have 3 meals a day with maybe 1-2 snacks a day but everything is low carb now. Instead I bought premier protein shakes because they have only 4 grams of carbs and 30 grams of protein for the dreaded hunger pains. This works okay but I’m not happy with the fact that 1) waking up to pee and 2) I’m hungry in the middle of the night :( it’s messing with my sleep and I want to fast from the moment I eat dinner to the moment I wake up!
Could this symptom be related to prediabetes? And how bad is it that I’ve been eating at such weird times? Could this be considered insomnia? I’m pretty sure it’s related to my digestive issues too but I’m wondering if it’s also just a sign of high blood sugar since I usually pee as well.
Google says midnight hunger happens if you don’t eat enough throughout the day and I DO feel like when I have more fulfilling meals throughout the day, it doesn’t happen as much. I wanna say I still have to wake up to pee usually even without the hunger pains. But for example if I have soup and don’t feel truly full after eating, the hunger pains happen at night. I’m at a loss because I feel like I eat enough protein already, and it just keeps happening. I don’t wanna have to eat so much but especially so late at nights. My gastroenterologist didn’t help me out much.

I moved in to a new house share last August with a 28F and 25M. I was 3months out of an abusive relationship of 7 years and was excited to have somewhat my own space again.
This new place has a massive kitchen with loads of storage for like 6 people to have their own cupboard, drawer, shelf and a bit extra. There is no space for anyone but 28F and her things lol. Ive lived in a much smaller house share, and had my own space to put my things so was expecting that here.
I spent £80 on new utensils, cookware, crockery, cutlery etc as I like to cook, to be told that 'this isnt a house share its a home' and that all the stuff I bought is now everyone else's. Maybe im being a brat.. But I watched her throw out her own things that were perfectly fine, just so she could use all my new shit. Im already really weird about sharing food stuff so this was abit of a nightmare for me. Still havent been reimbursed for anything and its all still outstanding on split wise.. but she freaks out if I dont settle up 60p for loo roll or washing up liquid?!?! I'm not settling up till they do simple. Neither one of them know how to wash up either, theres always food on the cutlery and plates on the draining board. what the actual fuck.
There is no room in the fridge freezer for anything other than her meal prep. There are 4 shelves in that mfr. Cant count the amount of times shes thrown things of mine that ive bought the day before to make room for her shit. I started fasting the first few months to deprioritise food and avoid it happening again. Shes works as a Nanny atm and said she was eating with the families, so the fridge was practically empty for me and 25M to put things in.. as soon as she saw us using the fridge.. she moved all of our things around and said 'sorry about the fridge thing but im not eating with the families anymore'.. which made me think she has some weird territorial shit going on. But it's literally just the fridge love, and If we lived in a house share and not YOUR home with our own shelf NEWSFLASH there wouldnt be any of this malarkey. I was gonna get a mini fridge to put in my room but I really shouldnt have to and I dont have the space. Like I said im weird about food.. she ran out of butter the other day, used mine and got all Jam coolie in it! I dont like jam so it's abit of a piss take. I know I can get it out but she always got covid and claims to have long cuntvid.. so I dont wanna be sharing anything with her Petri dish contaminated arse.
There are 3 cupboards over the breakfast bar, one for her cereal and the other 2 had random shit in so I started putting all my spices and pasta etc in there as one of them was empty apart from a ball and some birthday candles?!?! As soon as she clocked that I was using the one cupboard, shes now decorating THAT area and making it an office space because she cant write in her room. Baring in mind she has the biggest room in the house and said I need to put all my things somewhere else.. like I havent already tried to put my things in the 'home not a house' cupboard, there really isnt any room in there for anyone else but her and some of 25M things. Theres a shelf dedicated to a load of baking stuff that is out of date ffs. She wont throw its money wasted and might wanna bake one day. None of this was even discussed with us either she just told us what she was doing and we've just had to submit. It's just selfish.
Next.. My own actual room. I have the box room ..which Im fine with but I do have a lot of shit - still everything has its own place. I got a VN a few months ago from her to say the landlord had been round to check the damp/mould and text her to tell me my room is disgusting and theyre gonna have to rip the carpets up and that I need to keep in line with the rest of the house and she isnt telling me how to live my life but shes been in a box room before and she managed to do it so why couldnt I?! That week I was working away and had been in and out at some point and emptied my washing on the floor to find something.. that was it. I asked her to screenshot what theyd said.. and they didnt say any of that. I messaged the landlords to apologise for my room being a mess -even though they'd never even said they were coming round.. and they didnt know what I was talking about and said what I do in my room is nothing to do with them. She'll knock on my door just so I can answer so she can see if my rooms tidy.. if I dont answer she'll just open the door. Shes up our arses about being tidy and clutter but it's only so she has space to leave her shit everywhere.
I dont know how to address any of this with her as shes already briefed me on not criticising her cause she cant take it!?!??! Im also 5'8 and shes 5ft and I know how blunt I can be and how that might upset her. Anyone got any advice? I feel like a coward putting it in the group and even writing it on here as I should just be able to have this conversation with her face to face.. She let on the other week that in her previous house share that all the girls hated her because she had bulimia but my own living experience with her is indicative of something else lol and she always needs 25M to assure her that shes a compassionate person and a good person. its fucking weird.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Substantial-Fox-4386 posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Thanks to u/KnightFury077 for suggesting this BORU
Original - 29th April 2024
Update 1 - 30th April 2024
Update 2 - 1st May 2024
​
AITAH for telling a friend that my husband can't be cheating on me, and she's just projecting?
​
For context, I (31F) have been with my husband Jay (34M) for 10 years. We met through mutual friends, began dating shortly after, and became engaged after being together for about 2 years. We aren't legally married yet, as we both agreed we wanted an all-out wedding and to travel for our honeymoon, but that ish is expensive, and we wanted to prioritize spending our money on things like our house, our vehicles, medical, and so on.
We bought each other matching rings that we wear as if we are married, refer to each other as husband and wife, and present as married socially, we just haven't actually had a wedding. Our families understand this, and since we are both children of divorce, our parents were fine with us not wanting to get married, since their opinion of marriage was somewhat skewed to put it politely. Most of our friends also don't comment on our lack of being officially married, as they either don't care, agree with our logic that there are more important things to spend money on, or are the sort of people who think the point of a legal marriage isn't as necessary as it has been in the past.
Then there's Tricia (28F). I met Tricia through an old job and we got along really well. We enjoyed the same music, food, and had similar opinions on things like movies, books, and clothes. Tricia is a lovely person, and I do genuinely enjoy her friendship, but she occasionally goes through these odd phases where she analyzes the behavior of the men in our social circle. She will present her "theories" to us ladies based on things like social media posts, "odd behaviors" she says she noticed during group barbecues or beach trips, things like that.
While I have no problem calling out potential shitty behavior in a friend, the things she deems "suspicious" don't really hold water in my opinion. For example, she's never quite let go of considering a male friend gay, and her "evidence" is that he's a bit of a perpetual bachelor. According to him, his bachelor status is because he's holding out for a girl who doesn't mind his transient lifestyle as a man who has to travel a lot for work and would want to join him rather than wait around at home, but according to Tricia, he must be having gay dalliances across the country and refuses to tell us, even though many in our friend group are gay, out of the closet, and even bring their partners to social events.
Then there's my sweet Jay. Jay has never been a very physically affectionate person, and he is likely autistic, but isn't interested in having a formal diagnosis. He took the RAADS-R (a test to screen for autism in undiagnosed adults) about 4 years ago when he was seeking treatment for chronic migraines, and the results suggested strongly that he may be autistic. Once he got those results back, he sort of got over the idea of "wanting answers" for some of his mental health questions, preferring to just go to therapy and work on finding a good treatment for his migraines. According to him, the RAADS-R was "good enough to solve the mystery" and provided some closure for him. I didn't press the issue, as the idea of getting on his case about a diagnosis he didn't feel he needed seemed unnecessarily harsh to me.
On top of that, Jay loves fishing. When you put these two facts together, hopefully a picture gets painted for you, but I'll clarify anyway. He knows all about the different types of aquatic environments in our area that you can legally fish, when all the different spawning seasons are, what every species eats, how they hunt, and he can even tell what sort of fish is on his hook based on how it feels when he's pulling them in.
He can look at a body of water and instantly tell you if fishing will be good that day, and he has never been wrong; it's like living with a fish-based psychic! Since I am an avid lover of seafood, his fishing and pursuit of fish-centric knowledge has only been a boon to me. I can express interest in wanting a fish dinner on Monday morning, and that night, he will bring home and cook up enough fish for us to eat like royalty. He's even excited to catch fish to make into fertilizer for my new rose bushes, since he feels confident he will be able to pull up the perfect "food" for my new roses.
The "suspicious" activity, according to Tricia, is that he often goes on spur-of-the-moment fishing trips by himself, and can sometimes be gone for hours. He will randomly stand up, say something like "Alright. Fishin' time." and give me a kiss before he hits the road. While I would ordinarily agree that something like that could be suspicious, I know factually that Jay isn't cheating, as he always sends me countless pictures and videos while he's on these trips, as well as calling me on the phone when he's particularly excited about a good catch, how he's trying to get uniquely sneaky fish, a cool bird he saw, things like that.
Even if he's gone for 10 hours, my phone will be blowing up for all 10 of those hours with pictures of his sunshine smile next to a fish, or videos of him cheering as he shows me what he's got on the stringer (a long, thin rope used to keep fish alive, but attached to your boat, in the water). I adore these pictures, videos, and phone calls, since they make my heart so full with how much joy he feels and how at peace he is on the water. I would join him more often, but I usually stay home since it wouldn't be fair to our dogs if both of us left for undefined amounts of time on a whim. Instead, I find my peace in watching through his eyes, and when he comes home, I'm always happy to get the play-by-play of how the trip went while Jay prepares the fish for us to eat. We even have a game now where he quizzes me on what types of fish he caught, and if I win, I get a big hug!
None of this is good enough for Tricia. For years now, she has had her suspicions about Jay, but I've always brushed them off as I'm secure in my relationship and trust Jay implicitly. When Tricia first brought her "theory" to me, I brought it up to Jay, who was genuinely hurt and asked if I shared in her suspicions and wanted him to go fishing less. I told him no, but that I felt he deserved to know what Tricia was telling people about him. He understood and was willing to let sleeping dogs lie. Over the years, as Jay and I kept on keepin' on, unmarried and in fishy bliss, Tricia became more and more adamant that not only was Jay cheating, but that the reason we weren't married is that he convinced me to wait for an expensive wedding and he would rather continue on cheating during fake fishing trips.
Her "proof" was his random trips, the fact that he doesn't physically touch me "a lot" when we are in public, and how "he never let's me go with him". Countless times, I have shown her the giant folder of fishing pictures and videos in my phone, call logs showing how often we're in communication, and told her that I didn't need to have him grabbing on me or dangling off of me in public to feel secure with him. I've brought up our responsibilities as dog owners to not leave them alone for hours on a whim without the ability to relieve themselves outside. I've even told her multiple times over the years that she's more than welcome to ask Jay if she could tag along on a trip and see for herself how committed he is to fishing, but she always refuses. Again, since Jay has been fine with ignoring the drama, I let it slide, up until about a week ago.
Jay was talking about going on a day-long fishing trip with two of our friends, Vince and Maria (who are married) as they had expressed interest in going and saw the trip as a sort of blend between a staycation and a chartered boat trip. Tricia spoke privately with me, saying that I must be happy that Maria is going, since she will be able to ensure that not only Jay can't cheat on me, but that Vince can't cover for him if he tries to. I'd finally had enough, as now she was dragging poor Vince into this and slandering his character, when all Vince had done is agree to a day trip with an old friend.
I told Tricia that she needs to either bring her suspicions directly to Jay and hash it out with him, or let it go, because as far as I'm concerned, she's projecting her issues onto Jay since Tricia can't keep a guy longer than three months. While that assessment isn't entirely true, I wanted to hurt her feelings and cut her down to size, since that's my sweet Jay she's dragging through the mud. Tricia not only took it personally, but said that I was just naive and was afraid to be single. I told Tricia that she was projecting again, since she's a serial dater who scares men off with her wannabe Sherlock Holmes nonsense, and she just can't fathom a man with a real hobby because she only goes after half-baked fake gymbros more interested in their own tits than hers and wannabe finance bros who blow their entire paychecks on crypto.
She stopped talking to me after that, and hasn't reached out to me since. Granted, I haven't reached out to her either, but I'm mad at her, because she was rude. Our friend group doesn't really give this entire situation much weight, saying stuff like "that's just how she is" or "what did you expect" or "we know Jay isn't cheating, but he's an exception to the rule, and maybe Tricia just doesn't see that". While I was willing to stand my ground at first and not budge on the issue, now I'm wondering if maybe I was too harsh and should apologize for being petty just because I wanted to knock her down a peg and get her to give up on her "theories".
TL;DR My female friend is convinced my husband is cheating on me because he fuckin loooooves fishing and goes on day trips frequently, and after years of hearing her doubts and showing proof that he's faithful, I snapped at her, insulted her taste in men, and spoke negatively about her dating history.
AITAH and should I apologize, or do I keep all 10 toes in the ground and let her twist?
​
Comments
​
PolarGCNips
First of all, Jay sounds wonderful. Congrats on snagging him, I smiled reading when you were talking about him, very wholesome. Tricia sucks man. Tricia isn't helping anyone, she's actively hurting people's marriages, relationships and friendships, I'd bail on her asap, idk what you see in a person who has put THAT much time into belittling your wonderful husband. I was also a little irked by people in your group chat saying Jay is the exception... how? You said Tricia is always doing this and she's wrong as fuck. Why are you friends with Tricia is fabricating rumors about your friends being gay and your husband cheating on you... like to the point that you told Jay "this is what she's saying about you to people"...like you know she didn't just say it to you, but everyone, and you're still letting this bitch hang around? Gross.

OOP: Hearing it framed this way is a shock I think I needed. I wanted to get defensive at first, but you have a really solid point. Someone else here asked if maybe Tricia is interested in Jay, and I'm going to dig into that, but now I want to dig into this as well. Thank you for your input, it's put a lot into perspective.

​
Scary-Cycle1508
Also just food for thought. Are you sure she's not spreading rumours about you behind your back? Anyone willing to talk to you behind someone elses back, is willing to talk about you behind your back

OOP: I'm sure she is at this point. Reading the comments here have changed how I view the entire friend group. I'll be speaking with some mutual friends about what they've heard; it's receipt time.

​
**Judgement - NTA*\*
​
Update - 1 day later
​
I wanted to give a small update now before I bring the axe down tonight. This will be shorter, as Jay and I will be going fishing together this afternoon after lunch.
I showed Jay the original thread and we had a heart to heart that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. Firstly, he wanted me to express his appreciation for you all, as well as shoutout his fellow fishing enthusiasts. He encourages you all to get out there and try your best, regardless of your success, and to instead share with him the joy it brings, even if we can't all go fishing together.
After going through all of your beautiful words and generous support, we shared our thoughts on the matter not only as a couple, but as two people with different levels of attachment to the individuals in our friend group. We both agree that we had been holding onto these friendships more out of a sense of nostalgia and a desire to be kind, rather than actually examining what these friends brought to the table and whether or not they enriched our lives. We had been distracted by a desire for community and old bonds, sacrificing our comfort and respect for not only ourselves, but our choice to be together and have a dynamic that some may not view as normal or valid in some capacities. While Jay and I have different views on what certain friends mean to us, we agree that enough is enough, and it's time to not only establish boundaries, but to not give an inch to those who have caused us to come to this, Tricia especially.
That said, Jay is a good man. A strong, whip-smart, generous man, and reading the feedback you all provided made me realize something: I am fucking angry.
I allowed a venomous waste of air around my sweet Jay. My Jay. She slandered him, belittled me, devalued what we have, and I allowed it, like some sort of coward. It's going to end now, and I'm ending it my way. I will not be allowing Tricia to slink away from this or have room to twist words to make me look like anything other that a woman with righteous fury regarding the man she vowed to honor and protect.
I'm sorry to report I will not be taking the high road, nor will I be handling this with tact and decorum. I'm blowing this bitches social life sky fucking high, along with anybody who sides with her. Scorched earth, no prisoners, blood for the blood god.
​
Comments
​
FloMoJoeBlow
...as she takes off the earrings and says "hold my purse". Shit just got real. :)
No-You5550
I am popping the popcorn and waiting for the update.
​
​
Update - 1 day later
​
I'm going to keep this as brief as possible while still covering it, as there is a lot to cover involving about 15 people, and it's still all hitting the fan. Added the NSFW flair as some adult topics will be mentioned below, including potential SA and drug abuse.
During the fishing trip yesterday, I blocked Tricia on everything and reached out to people to say that Jay and I would be distancing ourselves from Tricia, why we were, and shared what "theory" Tricia had about them if there was one, along with any screenshots or evidence I had of Tricia talking about them. I also asked a few friends who might know if Tricia might be interested in Jay, as some people pointed out that that might have been a motivation for her to get between us.
Here's what's been dug up so far:

• Matt (the friend Tricia alleged was gay) confirmed, again, that he isn't gay. He shared a story about how he, his roommate, and Tricia had a get together at one point where they drank and smoked some weed. During the night, Tricia got handsy and tried getting together with Matt's roommate, who declined. When they sobered up the following morning, Tricia said that it should be fine because "men like that sort of thing". After that, Matt and his roommate weren't comfortable with her and effectively barred her from going to their place. Matt suspects this is the origin of the gay rumor, and he's chosen to step away from the social group to reevaluate some things. I didn't want to press him, so I left it there.
• Vince and Maria have gone dark. Maria believed that Tricia was the victim in all of this, and Vince was vague in his responses and seemed to be taking a more hands off approach, but they stopped responding when another friend sent a screenshot of Tricia alluding to them being swingers because they have a decorative pineapple on their kitchen counter. Neither of them have anyone blocked, but no one can get a response out of them, either.
• One friend got into an argument with his girlfriend after said girlfriend went through his phone because of the drama and found either texts or pics (I don't know which) that, according to her, prove that he's been sleeping with Tricia on and off. I heard this from his brother, who reached out after the girlfriend left a voicemail saying she's kicking the friend out, and the brother wanted to know what was going on. I'm not sure exactly what's happening there, as that friend has also gone dark, and none of us know the girlfriend very well/have her phone number.
• One friend came clean about her struggles with prescription pain meds after her mother lost her battle with cancer because Tricia had been trying to blackmail her into getting dirt on Matt, Jay, and Vince and was using the drug abuse as leverage. Admittedly, a lot of my attention got diverted after this came to light because that's a much bigger problem than my beef with Tricia. We are still working on creating a good way for people to be a support system for her moving forward, and that will be what we as a group will focus on from here on out.

An old friend of Jay's dropped a nuke by revealing that Tricia tried blowing him in the bathroom during a "Friendsgiving Dinner" we had last year, only to turn around and try to blow a different guy in the bathroom after Chris turned her down.
Jay, some other friends, and I created a new Discord server for all of the friends coming out of this drama against Tricia, and so far, it's just been a lot of comparing dates, texts, and Discord DMs, but it looks like Tricia has been trying to either sleep with or break up every guy in the friend group, as well as either get rid of or get leverage on every girl friend in the group.
Either way, we have bigger fish to fry now. It's time to put this all behind us and help our friend who really needs it. Thank you all for your kind words and helpful advice, even the harsh stuff <3
​
Comments
​
AlwaysOnsideTBH
Holy shit, Tricia is a much bigger asshole than ever anticipated initially. Fuck her and her very being, she deserves to be all alone and sad with nobody to talk to after all the stuff she's been doing behind everyone's back
Blackmailing someone who just lost their mother is terrible!! She's genuinely such a bad human being, disgusting person!
Also I'm guessing she's pretty unattractive if everyone is turning down her advances lmao, she's definitely jealous of all you guys in happy relationships
KatersHaters
Swinger pineapples, blackmail, bathroom blowjobs, and of course Fishing - this update had everything! 10/10, no notes.
​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

A week ago I participated in a discussion about yet another attack on Mike Rinder. The conversation was kicked off by a video from Aaron Smith Levin in which he talked about a professional misconduct complaint against an attorney and used it to stoke up his followers into anger and prompt them to direct that anger towards Mike Rinder. Over an official complaint that wasn't about Mike Rinder, and was neither made by him or to him.
The whole thing bothered me, enough so that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I decided to go back and take another look. I needed to work through an upswell of emotions that was bringing on a flare up of my chronic illness, and I wanted to tell people what was wrong with what I was seeing. I went back to the source cited by ASL in his video and paid closer attention to what was said and what was shown. I started a list of observations and questions. I Googled and found answers to some of my questions. I realised that I had a couple of really big questions. All this just from the first few minutes of a clickbait video from Down the Rabbit Hole News. I was on a roll!
I closed my laptop and began reorganising my living space. I parked some objects in transit on top of my closed laptop. I scoured the internet in search of the perfect under desk storage solution and lamented my inability to set up my Instant Pot in a place where it wouldn't hurt me to use it. I deep cleaned my bread machine and baked. I endured a headache that went on for days and got worse every time I thought about what was lurking inside my laptop. I got back to my Star Trek: Voyager rewatch and thought about Seven of Nine as an example of the Born Sexy Yesterday trope. I didn't have time for Reddit or YouTube. In short, I got my avoidant on because that is what I automatically do when I get seriously triggered. I fixate on anything that won't lead me straight back to the Very Bad Memories place where the darkest thoughts lurk like krakens in an ocean of despair. As you would expect, the Very Bad Memories feature some Very Bad Things. Worse than that, they feature the things other people did or said when I attempted to speak up or get help. Long before I heard the term "revictimisation" I thought of this as pain on pain.
This long-winded introduction is my way of telling you that I am struggling to write anything about the topic of this post. This won't be what I originally wanted to write, because I am forcing out words against the internal pressure to shut up and shut down. If I just manage to address the topic directly and hit post, that will be a huge win for me.
I don't know yet how this particular story has progressed because I have been busy avoiding it, but I'll catch up later. The original story is just one example of the issue I want to address. This is my attempt to start a constructive conversation about an issue that is hurting a community of hurt people. I'm not here to try to change what anyone thinks, but I hope that some of you may pause to think about how you think.
First, let's define terms. I'm talking about revictimisation in the sense that it is defined in the Cambridge Dictionary:

to harm someone again in an unfair way after they have been harmed in the past; to treat someone as a victim again (= a person who does not or cannot defend themselves against the harm that they are suffering)

I'm talking about SPTV primarily as the group of ex-Scientology and anti-cult YouTubers centered around the SPTV Foundation (SPTV-New) either as board members or unofficial supporters. However, this is relevant also to ex-Scientologists in general and the wider SPTV community (SPTV-Original) in its original meaning of anyone making YouTube content relating to Scientology.
Down the Rabbit Hole, Finally
Video title: Silence is COMPLICITY Brian Kent & Mike Rinder ChildUSA the Aftermath Foundation Down the Rabbit Hole News exposes a secret.
Hashtags in video description: #SPTV #truecrime #downtherabbitholenews
Who is Brian Kent and what is his connection to Mike Rinder, Child USA and the Aftermath Foundation? What secret is Rabbit exposing? What crime has occurred or is occurring?

• #SPTV could be used to speak about SPTV or to speak to SPTV viewers.
• According to the channel's description, Rabbit provides "true crime commentary, trending news and awareness of societal issues". True crime is the only one of these labels used to package the video.
• When bad secrets are exposed, the one exposing them is typically seen in a heroic light.
• The packaging of the content hits all three points on the Karpman drama triangle, a well known model of human interaction in which conflict involves the roles of persecutor, rescuer and victim. The persecutors are named in the title, while Rabbit claims the role of rescuer by virtue of exposing the secret. The victim is implied at this point, with the expectation that the video will reveal this information.
• Brian Kent is an attorney with specialist experience dealing with sexual abuse cases. He had an establised private practise in Philadelphia and was on the board of Child USA at the time the video was released. Mike Rinder is on the boards of both Child USA and the AF. Child USA is a nonprofit focused on child protection including prevention of abuse and improving the civil rights of children. Their projects include campaigning to extend statutes of limitation for adults reporting childhood abuse.
• My conclusion: Rabbit made a choice to present the video as a criminal matter and to imply that Brian Kent, Mike Rinder, the AF and Child USA are involved in a conspiracy to conceal said criminal matter. This message is directed towards SPTV viewers.

Video opening: Rabbit states that she has come into possession of a confidential professional complaint against Brian Kent regarding his treatment of an ex-client who she refers to as Jane Doe. The complaint was made by Jane Doe's current attorney.
Why is Rabbit talking about this in between her videos on Jennifer Lopez and Sean Diddy Combs? What does this complaint have to do with Mike Rinder, Child USA or the AF?

• As of today Social Blade estimates the video's earnings at $8-61, which is around the level of ranks 25-35 in her 50 most viewed videos.
• 7 of her 50 most viewed videos are related to Scientology. Her most viewed video was on 1st December last year (estimated earnings of $52-417). It is a sympathetic interview with Aaron Smith Levin (ASL) talking about his departure from the Aftermath Foundation (AF).
• On 21st November last year she did a live response to ASL's announcement that he was no longer on the board of the AF.
• Sympathetic coverage of ASL's departure from the AF coincided with a large spike in new subscribers
• On Jan 13th of this year she live streamed a celebration of reaching 50,000 subscribers. The video title thanks ASL and he appears as a a guest. The video description thanks 8 SPTV-New channels and nobody else.
• Social Blade estimates the channel's monthly earnings at £118 - £1.9K ($148 - $2.4K)
• My conclusion: Rabbit identifies the support of ASL and his associates as the main driver of her channel's growth. Scientology related content makes a significant contribution to her channel's income. She is likely to lose a lot of subscribers if she gets on the wrong side of ASL. This is a highly biased source towards ASL and against anyone ASL openly dislikes.

3:45 Rabbit says Jane Doe leaked the complaint to 25-30 people. She goes on to state that the bar association investigation into Kent is still open.
How does she know how many people the document was shared with? Why did Jane Doe allegedly leak the document? How does Rabbit know the document she has is genuine? By what path did the document get to her from Jane Doe? Why am I not hearing her say anything about having permission from Jane Doe to publicly share and discuss a confidential document? Why report on this before the investigation is complete? Could reporting on this interfere with the investigation? How does reporting on this impact Jane Doe, especially if she hasn't given full informed consent?

• The authenticity of the complaint has been confirmed according to the Philadelphia Inquirer in a report about Brian Kent leaving his law firm after Rabbit publicised it. The normal procedure for this type of complaint involves it being kept confidential unless and until the investigation finds the attorney in question to be at fault. If the bar association didn't do this anyone could damage an attorney's reputation and career by making unfounded complaints about them. Unlike Yelp, the bar association likes to use a process to validate complaints before publicly naming and shaming anyone.
• We know the bar association were keeping the complaint confidential, so they are not the origin of the leak. We know that lawyers are required to maintain strict standards of client confidentiality. This makes it exceedingly unlikely that the document was leaked by Jane Doe's attorney. That leaves either Jane Doe as the originator of the leak or someone with access to her documents/email accounts.
• I know the nature of the complaint from when I first viewed the video. I think it is plausible that Jane Doe might have shared this document with people she perceived to have been at risk of similar treatment by Brian Kent and people she believed might otherwise unwittingly refer vulnerable clients to him. I also think it possible she might have chosen to share it with supportive friends or a therapist to let them know what was going on without the stress of having to tell the whole story multiple times. Does Rabbit fall into any of those groups? Does she even know Jane Doe?
• Who would know how many people received the document? The sender would know. If it was sent to a group using CC rather than BCC any recipient could see who else got it. But why is Rabbit mentioning it? I've come up with three options: 1) to obfusticate the path of the document to her hands, 2) to imply that there is a large group of victims and therefore this is a bigger story than it first appears or 3) this is Rabbit rabbitting randomly.
• My conclusion: I am not okay with Rabbit bypassing due process like this. It is necessary to protect the rights of the guilty to protect the rights of the innocent. Sometimes that involves withholding comment until after the investigators are done investigating. Silence is not necessarily conspiracy. Silence can be respect for the legal process, such as not broadcastling wildly prejudicial information before relevant witnesses have made statements. Silence can be respect for the victim's privacy, such as media concealing the identity of a victim by calling them Jane or John Doe. Silence can be a choice to focus on specific issues rather than gossip about details. Silence can be respecting a victim's ownership of their own story so that they can tell it when and how they want, and to whom they want to tell it. Silence can be wanting a victim to get justice via the legal system but respecting their choice not to report it because they know or fear doing so will result in them being revictimised. Silence can mean understanding that a victim has been disempowered and dehumanised by the Bad Thing that happened, and knowing that they will be further disempowered and dehumanised if you take away their choices about how, why, when, where and to whom their story is told. Silence can be the care you take not to revictimise someone who has already been hurt enough.

Edit: Thank you everyone for all the advice. The last two days have been great. No wine, yogurt, or granola. I’m not feeling very hungry. Goal is to lose 40 lbs. Fingers crossed! I took my first shot at 7am this morning, .10 ml. I had a protein bar with some coffee for breakfast. For lunch I had some yogurt, strawberries, and granola. At 5pm I had a glass of wine with a coworker. Within in hour I was absolutely miserable. Horrible heartburn, so uncomfortable. I took a Pepcid and it helped, but it didn’t completely alleviate the heartburn. I went to bed at 11 and I’ve been tossing and turning. It’s now 1:30a and I just threw up. I’m not a puker…at all. Is all of this from the medication? I thought it would be at least a couple of days before I felt anything. And I didn’t expect to feel this miserable.