I notice if your a men who is suicidal,depressed and lonely no one cares and are annoyed our are exacerbated with you. They don't have much kindness our patience for you but if you're a woman everyone kind of cares and people our so sportive and understanding and say such nice things to you.
You're a guy everyone kind of poops on you and gets angry with you if you have depression,anxiety our any mental health problems really and if we say anything about the dubble standards in wich the mental heath care professionals, society treet men and women you get accused of hating women and the problem is never addressed.

My daughter seems so anxious about pooping in the potty and I have no idea how to handle it! She just turned 3 but we’ve been at this for over 6 months. She took to peeing on the potty pretty easily, but pooping has always been an issue. She knows she’s supposed to go in the toilet but it’s like when the feeling comes over her she just panics/freezes and goes in her underwear instead. Any encouragement to go sit on the potty leads to tears and anxiety. It got to a point that she was getting constipated from holding it in and just seemed so stressed out about the whole thing that we took a 2 month break from potty training all together. We just restarted last week and we’re right back where we were before. We try to be SO patient with her and have never purposely made her feel bad for having accidents. But of course we are frustrated by the whole thing and I’m sure she can sense that, despite our best efforts to act casual about it.
We never know how much we should push her to use the potty when she’s clearly upset. I don’t want to push her too hard and cause more stress, but if we just let her go in her underwear, then it feels like we’re sending confusing messages. We’ve tried a sticker chart, chocolate chips as an immediate reward, ditching the pull ups, tons of potty related books and episodes, and miralax to help prevent any constipation. None of it has made a difference.
She’s doing a program in July that requires her to be potty trained (as will her preschool in the fall), so I can’t just keep putting it off. We just feel so stuck and would love any suggestions!!

Started taking anti microbial two weeks ago, and today if I get the urge to fart, I have to do it on the toilet bowl, because it’s watery stool that floats out, and not the fart. I am scared to sleep, don’t want to mess up my body.
I feel a bitter taste in my mouth and a bit sick/sad. I have pooped 4 times today. One very huge and solid dark one and the remaining ones have been watery
Is this normal, will it lead to weight loss?

Here is a situation that's been difficult for me for many years and I don't know if my feelings are justified. I'm confused and need opinions.
I (26)f, joined my father to another country when I was 14 yo. I didn't grow up with him and he was 0 present in my life before I moved with him, never called me to talk to me, ask how I was doing, etc. He only talked to mom and payed for my school. I grew up without feeling his presence and to be honest it didn't bother me as that's what I was used to. Then I moved with him when I was 14, alone just the two of us in another country. I discovered very quickly that he leaves the toilet dirty (pee and poo stains on the seat) so I can't sit to use the toilet before cleaning it. He doesnt clean after himself overall but the toilet is the biggest issue. I hated asking him to clean up because it's embarrassing but I still did it many times. He would answer by telling me what's the problem and I should just go ahead and clean it myself, he was very tired or was too sleepy to clean or he would simply ignore me. Mind you he was around 60 yo, so I told myself maybe it's the age. However he has no difficulty doing anything else, and when I insist he cleans he does so with no problem. So I think it's more like he doesn't bother to clean. It's been 12 years that I've been living with him and the problem remains. We have fought about it many many times, but nothing changes. Sometimes he would clean, most of the times he wouldn't bother. I however have not gotten used to cleaning his poop and pee, I hate it so much and everytime I do it I feel a part of me die. I usually clean the toilet at least twice a day. I feel so disrespected. Add to that that he hardly spoke to me during all this time together, doesn't ask me how I'm doing, didn't check on what I was doing or where I was going as a teenager, and whenever there was something that needed to be done I had to fight him to do it, I have to fight him just to get his attention. I felt so ignored and dismissed and still do. And I'm very resentful towards him, I didn't feel like he took care of me other than providing me with food and shelter (I'm not minimizing them and the effort it takes to provide them)and so I hate having to clean his crap when he is fully capable to do so, and hate being dismissed by being told you should just deal with it.
I have moved before but came back mainly because of rent as I was a student. Now I don't want to move out because he is getting old and i don't want to leave him alone. However I am very angry and resentful and I lose my shit everytime I walk into the toilet. Like when I need to use the toilet in the middle of the night, I have to clean it while being sleepy or I have to make sure I don't sit.
I don't know how long I can take living like this before cracking.
Am I crazy for feeling like this? Are my feelings justified or am I being a brat? What should I do? I don't know how to cope anymore
Edit: I once went on vacation for a couple of months to my home country and when I came back the bathroom was filthy. I was tired and looking forward to hop on the shower and go to bed, but I had to clean everything first, so I just stood there and cried.

Okay, so for this post there are a lot of people involved (this has been going on for a while) so I'll list up here who's who. This is my wife's family. I'll be using code names when appropriate:
Father-in-law - FIL
Mother-in-law - MIL
Wife(oldest daughter) - Wife
Second daughter - Sarah
Third daughter - Lana
Fourth daughter - Ruth
Second daughter's husband - BIL
Third daughter's fiancee - Karl
My daughter - daughter
Second daughter's older son - Danny
Second daughter's younger son - Aaron
And me as me
I know this is long but bear with me TL;DR Brother-in-law has snapped the last straw for the family and we are all starting to cut ties with him

 BIL's family has their own side of the story that I'm barely familiar with, so it won't be brought up here. We first met BIL way before they got together; Sarah bought a house as a group of friends with her boyfriend at the time, and BIL and his second wife at the time. We didn't interact with him much. We just heard a few stories about him from their friend group. Eventually this situation broke down and BIL and his second wife left and vandalized Sarah's home on the way out. They let their dogs poop all over the floor, stole some miscellaneous items, poured water in their lawn mower gas tank, etc. He did this to Sarah, his future third wife. We thought this guy was out of our lives forever. Sarah eventually came to stay on my couch after she sold the house. She lived with me and my wife for roughly 3 months. Then she went and rented an apartment a few miles away. No sooner than a few weeks did we find out she was dating future BIL, and a few weeks after that we found she was pregnant. He met the family and stated that he wanted to be a part of it. He blamed all his past transgressions on his second wife. We questioned him at the time if he was still with his second wife. He said no, and that he was officially divorced. My wife looked up the public court records and found out that he didn't file divorce papers until 11 days after we asked that question. A small lie but considering our history of knowing him it was concerning. BIL is a big gun enthusiast. About 1 months after they told us Sarah was pregnant, while cleaning a gun at home he shot himself in the hand. Again, we were concerned but Sarah assured us he was a changed man and this was just an unfortunate accident. His hand healed but he didn't do his physical therapy that seriously so his hand is still kind of jacked up. I feel this is important because he kind of has a history of not following through on what he says. During Sarah's pregnancy we found out that BIL seriously beat one of their dogs back when they bought the house together. We also figured out he diagnosed himself with bipolar, but refused to go to a doctor to get an actual diagnosis. The whole family at the time was distracted by all of this because during Sarah's pregnancy my wife went through a major medical struggle that resulted in multiple surgeries and a months-long stay in the hospital. We were so focused on that the BIL details just kind of came and went at that moment. Sarah gave birth to Danny during COVID lockdown. We were so excited and we all were very active in Danny's life. Time would pass and we just kind of got used to BIL being despite the fact that he often would miss family events. BIL and Sarah would move into a house on my in-laws property just down the road from in-laws house. MIL became their primary caregiver as she could work it around her job and still make decent money. As 4 years have passed my MIL, FIL, Lana, my Wife and I all take shifts of watching their now 2 kids for them, for free. MIL also watches my daughter but significantly less that their son's. 2 years would pass after Danny was born and everything seemed OK. There would just be hints in they way he talked about who he really was. He would say something in casual conversation like "man, there seems like there are too many black people in commercials these days" or "I don't know why we are forcing women's sports to be a thing." Bigoted stuff like that, but veiled enough so there was plausible deniability. I would often call him out on it, so he really grew to not like me. This all changed at his 30th bday. He had a big party with a lot of alcohol and weed with dozens of friends. My wife and I didn't go because we are not party people. Lana and Ruth went to the party. Sarah was also there. During this party BIL went outside and decided to "mud" his jeep through the creek beside their house. This was possibly with Karl but I'm not sure of that to this day. Karl has recently come into the picture prior to this event and was previously friends with BIL for a long time. The jeep got stuck and flooded for obvious reasons. After trying to get it out of the creek by multiple means, they gave up and left it there. I believe it took almost 2 days to get it out. He went back to the party and as everyone got progressively drunk and high, my 2 sister-in-laws Lana and Ruth (I believe) criticized BIL for getting his car stuck in a creek while playing. BIL verbally assaulted them and demanded they get out of his house. They left in tears. They drove separately, and Lana had gotten buzzed so they both got in Ruth's car and drove to my house. They sat and vented to my wife and I for a while, and eventually I offered that we should go do something fun to take their minds off of it. My wife and I drove them to Taco Bell and we got some food and drove around town for a while and made jokes in the car. After they cooled off and were in a better mood they said that Lana needed to go get her car from the party. In a flurry she accidentally left her keys inside her sister's and BIL's house. We drove them over just in case anything sketchy happened but Lana and Ruth didn't want us to go inside, so we waited out in the car. She didn't think it would be a big deal to walk in, but as her and Ruth did BIL immediately got in her face and demanding she gets out or else. Ruth went to talk to someone else at the party and didn't notice this at first. BIL shoved Lana against a wall and held her there. Everyone apparently stood in stunned silence as this happened. He then shoved her to the ground, grabbed her around the ankles and started pulling her across the floor. As he was threatening to do even worse, Ruth ran up and jumped on his back and gave him a head lock. She screamed at him to stop but before BIL could anything about this everyone finally woke up and pulled them apart. Ruth helped Lana up and they ran out of the house onto the front porch sobbing. My wife saw this and got out of the car and yelled at them to get back in our car. We drove up to the in-laws house. By then it was past midnight. MIL was about an hour away working her job and FIL was up in his room asleep. The sisters went and woke him up and explained the situation through tears. They also called MIL to inform her of the situation. He got ready and ask me to go with him down to the house to get some answers. The sisters stayed up at the house. We drove down in his car and when we got out the entire party was ready for us and greeted us at the car. Literally over a dozen people, most of whom I did not recognize started screaming what happened at both of us simultaneously. Everyone was clearly very drunk. FIL looked overwhelmed, so I raised my hands and tried asking everyone to stop for a second and go one by one telling their bit of the story. BIL stopped me mid sentence and pointed his finger in my face. I noticed he had his other hand on a holstered hand gun. He yelled out "You don't have a say here! You're barely even part of this family." For context, I had been with my wife for over 11 years at that time and he hadn't even married Sarah yet and had been there about 2 1/2 years. FIL backed up and told me that I need to stop talking and that I was being a problem. I backed off and went over the yard to Sarah and Karl. I asked Sarah what happened and she told me that she didn't see what happened and that she wasn't very aware of what was going on now. Karl would barely answer the same question. I walked back over to FIL but he told me to back off and that I really wasn't needed there. Admittedly I felt pretty insulted and just decided to walk back to his house and get my car and go home with my wife. We eventually left after FIL came back to the house. We found out later that BIL had pulled his gun out and threatened to kill himself if FIL didn't leave. Out of fear of what he would do, my in-laws were pretty afraid to take action at this point. A lot of the situation was his word against someone else's and Sarah went on a tour around to the friends and convinced them not to take any of this to the police. She then tried to smooth things over with the family and offered that BIL would apologize to everyone. He then refused, stating that Ruth was the real aggressor and that she assaulted him. He eventually agreed to apologize to just FIL for causing a problem and I think some half-hearted apologies to Lana and Ruth. The whole situation was swept under the rug but an unease has existed over the family since then. He stopped coming to family events pretty much altogether. About 4 months after this situation, prior to my daughter being born, he told MIL he was going to bring Danny up to their house so she could watch him for a few hours while he took a nap. His job works long hours so this wasn't out of the ordinary. However, he didn't show up for a while and my MIL started questioning what going on. She called but there was no answer. She drove down to his house and knocked but there wasn't an answer, only Danny crying in the background. She let herself in and found BIL asleep on the couch with Danny actively trying to wake him up. MIL tried to wake him up but nothing for a few minutes. She gave up and wrote a note to let him know where Danny was. BIL didn't notice Danny was gone for 2 hours. He finally woke up, drove up to in-laws house, and yelled at my MIL for just taking Danny without informing him. He took Danny and then left. A few months after that, after my daughter was born, He fell asleep while watching Danny again. This time we found out because when he woke up the front door was open and Danny was gone. He called in-laws for help finding him. My in-laws have a large property (about 200 acres) with a ton of it forested. Danny wandered 1/4 of a mile into the woods and I believe it took roughly a little over an hour to find him. Family questioned him hard this time but he just recoiled back into their house and didn't talk to us much. Sarah continued to defend him and said it was just an accident. Again the police were not notified about any of this. There was always this idea that if we went to authorities about any of this they would just run for it. They would then surprise everyone with the news that they were pregnant again, despite the fact that Sarah had used the morning after pill. This whole time they hadn't married yet. They announced that they were getting married but Sarah told Lana that it was mostly just to help BIL not have to go through bankruptcy a second time. I wasn't sure if this would do anything to help that situation, but that's what Sarah said at one point leading up to the wedding. About a month before the wedding, however, he threatened Sarah that if she insisted on inviting my wife to the wedding he would demand to invite a friend of his that Sarah hated. This friend also used to date BIL I believe. This was his ploy to force Sarah to not invite my Wife or me. The 2 other sisters and MIL all stood in solidarity with us and said that they would also not go if we weren't invited. He eventually relented and they got married a little before Aaron was born. As more kids were added, MIL's childcare duties got much harder. Eventually my wife and I started paying her (not much but something at least. $150 a month) to watch our daughter, but we also did chores for her, bought her food often, and eventually my Wife started taking a few shifts to watch all 3 children. To date, BIL and Sarah have never compensated any of us for our work. It's a little frustrating but we've tried to understand because Sarah and BIL seem to be bad with money. They objectively make more than us yet can't afford to pay MIL anything. Last Thanksgiving, in the middle of dinner, Sarah and BIL decided to have an "intervention" and talk about how we were not treating BIL fairly. They addressed everybody but really honed in on me specifically. This seemed to be because the rest of the family kind of dance in eggshells around them, while to be frank I'm pretty honest about how I feel about them. They seemed to think I was causing the family to turn against him and questioned why I would do that. I told him he lacked humility. He said he didn't understand. I told him that if he admitted to his mistakes and actually apologized about any of the stuff I previously wrote, instead of blaming everyone and everything else then the whole family would feel a bit different about him. A lot of talk was about the 30th b-day and other times when I just ignored him and how he had already apologized about the party. I reminded him that he didn't apologize to most of the family and he blamed Ruth. He then stated that Ruth was the cause of a lot of the problems at that party. He also made a big deal about how the family doesn't trust him with my daughter and kept emphasizing how he has never held her. We finally tried to come to an agreement. I told him I would try to talk to him more and try to understand him better and he said he would try to come to family events more. He also wanted more of a relationship with my daughter. We left and my wife and I were skeptical but we said that if this is who Sarah really wanted to be with, as long as BIL wasn't perceived as a threat he could have more contact with our daughter. We have had way more of a relationship with his kids than he has had with our daughter so I tried to sympathize with that imbalance. Karl also stated later that having known BIL for a long time, he thought he was very sincere. To date, BIL has not asked or tried at any family events to spend any time with my daughter, despite having numerous opportunities. Now to the current situation. About a month ago Lana and Karl announced that Lana was pregnant. This was a revelation due to Lana having a medical condition that made it harder to get pregnant. A lot of excitement was brewing in the family because of this. Karl has been seeming like a good partner to Lana, and proposed to her a little before the pregnancy happened. This is especially pertinent because Lana and Karl moved into a house together right beside BIL and Sarah. A few days ago they were over at Sarah and BIL's house when an argument broke out between Sarah and BIL. BIL demanded that Sarah wasn't an "obedient enough wife" and that if she wanted there marriage to work then she was going to have to get better at serving him. She was upset and they weren't coming to an agreement so he was going to leave, but apparently he was very high so Sarah refused to give him the keys to his car. He got extremely mad and then got a gun, held it to his head, and threatened to kill himself if she didn't hand over the keys. Fortunately, Danny and Aaron were taking a nap during all of this. Sarah called the police during this whole exchange and the operator heard a lot of what BIL said over the phone so based on that they arrived at the house. He apparently drove away and it took the police a bit to find him but once they did he turned himself over. They admitted him to a mandatory 72-hour stay at a psychiatric ward for a mental health assessment. Sarah then came up to the rest of the family (not me or my Wife) and gave them Danny and Aaron. She then went and confided with Lana and Karl about how abusive BIL had been and how life was just miserable right now. A lot of us, especially Karl and my in-laws, were telling her that she needs to leave BIL and file for emergency custody of her children. She seemed to be listening to us and turning a corner, but inexplicably the psychiatric ward allowed BIL to have a phone call with Sarah and they had a long conversation. Suddenly, Sarah shut us all out and completely changed her story. She started defending BIL again. BIL was then let out of the psychiatric ward a day early. Since Karl was working at the time, Lana came to stay with us and then over at her in-laws. We are especially concerned about her safety around BIL due to her being pregnant. They have since cut nearly all contact with us for 4 days now. They have only told Karl that they were getting a new TV because the old one mysteriously broke somehow. They have continued to post on social media like nothing has happened. They have spent 2 days with BIL's family so we aren't sure what their opinion of this is, though we do know a sibling of his has also told Sarah to leave him prior to this latest situation. We don't know what their plans for childcare is because they are wholly reliant upon us. Lana is very reluctant to ever be home alone. Ruth is as well. There are so many other details I haven't mentioned. There have been holes in walls they've had to fix. There is some evidence that BIL is cheating on Sarah, but that evidence is somewhat inconclusive. The bigoted comments for a while now have gotten increasingly misogynistic. It's a lot of 'we need to respect proper gender roles' kind of stuff. There's just too much and I've already written a book on here. I don't really know what to do at this point. Because a lot of this stuff has been swept under the rug it's hard to tell how seriously CPS or police would take our claims. FIL has threatened to kick them out of their very cheap rental they're in now. Who knows what they would do in that scenario. I know this post is detailed and because of that BIL or Sarah might see it, but at this point I wonder if I even give a shit. They've already eluded to keeping their sons from us in the past and the vibes we are getting now is that they are already doing it. And from the bottom of my heart, fuck BIL. 

Hello everyone! I am a female disabled veteran. I was illegally evicted (from my townhome I had lived in for 7 years) during Covid and despite having section-8 I cannot find a place to live. The eviction results in an automatic denial of every application I have submitted. I am looking for a private landlord who will rent to me.
For some background information (I will try to make brevity my strong suit): I was in the USAF for 8 years. My husband and I went in together on the join-spouse program. We had our first child 2 years later, then the military did away with the program because there were so many married couples enlisted. We got out, had our 2nd child 8 months later and soon afterwards, bought a house. I obtained my bachelor's degree in nursing, then worked as an RN for 28 years. We sadly were divorced after 21 years, and I have been my sole means of support since that time. I moved into my townhome in 2015 and had no issues until 2021. I severely injured my back moving a very large (298lb) patient off of the OR table, following an emergency C-section. I struggled with back issues the rest of my career. In February of 2020 I was laid off from my job as a corrections nurse due to Covid. I was on unemployment but still paid my rent on time every month. In June of 2020 I allowed my oldest daughter to move in with the agreement that she would pay 1/2 of the rent and utilities. This turned out to be a disastrous decision. She had struggled with SA since she was 15, but swore to me she was clean. She was addicted to heroin, couldn't keep a job, created drama constantly, and never paid a penny's worth of her half. She was often rageful, as was her son who visited frequently. They did damage to the townhome in the form of her bedroom door, which my grandson made 2 large dents in with his fists, and the bottom of the staircase, which my grandson pulled the bottom of the handrail away from the wall. Those 2 items were the only damage.
In March 2021 I applied, on the 1st day it became available, to Biden's federal assistance program for tenants in danger of becoming homeless. I notified the property manager, and requested that he send in the required paperwork from management to complete the application. He came over to talk with us and he understood the program. I had applied for SSDI in March of 2020 due to back issues, major depressive disorder, and emphysema. I could no longer perform my duties well as a nurse. Everything was fine until June 2021 when he was replaced. The new property manager was a schoolteacher who was a longtime friend of the owner. She admittedly knew nothing about property management. I first met her on the day I had just been discharged from the VA hospital. I had been in the hospital for 12 days, so I came home and was resting in bed when my daughter came to get me saying, "The owner and a new lady are at the door screaming." They were indeed screaming at me because May's rent had not been paid. I tried to explain the program and the fact that the previous manager knew about it. The law protected residents who had applied from being evicted. I requested an appointment for the following day so we could talk civilly. At this point, TN had only released 6% of the millions of funds available. Finally, my funds were released in September. All arrears were paid, and 3 months into the future were paid, with the option of 3 more months being paid if the tenant was still struggling to pay. When the complex accepted the funds, they signed a federal agreement which stated they could not attempt an eviction based on non-payment of rent, could not create a new lease, and could not harass the tenants (my daughter was on the lease, too). They broke all of these conditions, starting with asking ONLY ME to sign a new lease 3 weeks after receiving the funds. They were requesting me to pay pet deposits for my 3 pets, a dog and 2 cats, in an amount $100 over the normal amount, then get rid of the pets immediately. The pets had not done any damage. The new lease increased the rent by $300. They had already been paid for the rent with the federal funds. Immediately following this "new lease" they sent a letter to both of us, saying that the new rent had not been paid on time and we were being evicted. They would not allow maintenance to come repair things. I had requested 6x that they repair both upstairs toilets, which were leaking at the base, to the point that their were stains and leaking on the living room ceiling! They filed for eviction in January 2022. They only named me, knowing that all of the rent payments were done by me. The case was dismissed because they had filed before it was legal, due to the agreement. I asked the judge if it would be necessary for me to appear in court on the next date if I moved out prior to the date, but he said, "That would be a moot point. You cannot be evicted if you have already moved out." We DID move out before the next court date, but their management went to court ANYWAY, saying we were still there and an eviction was granted!! I looked into filing an appeal, but the cost to file was $695, and I didn't have the money to appeal.
Luckily, a place opened in a VA sponsored home for homeless women. My time is up here and I have applied to a multitude of properties but my applications are always denied, based on the eviction. I am working with a lawyer who has written a letter on my behalf, as well as a letter of recommendation from the program director. Still, I have had flat denials from every property.
The assistance I am requesting is names of property owners who will work with me. If any of you kind Redditors know someone, or ARE someone who would work with me, please let me know. I am out of time at the VA home and I have nowhere to go. I never pictured myself at 64 years old being homeless. Thank you in advance to anyone who can help. I have SSDI, as well as VA compensation, so my income is secure and reliable. I am desperate for a safe place to live.

Hello everyone! I am a female disabled veteran. I was illegally evicted (from my townhome I had lived in for 7 years) during Covid and despite having a Hud-Vash voucher (section 8), I cannot find a place to live. The eviction results in an automatic denial of every application I have submitted. I am looking for a private landlord who will rent to me.
For some background information (I will try to make brevity my strong suit): I was in the USAF for 8 years. My husband and I went in together on the join-spouse program. We had our first child 2 years later, then the military did away with the program because there were so many married couples enlisted. We got out, had our 2nd child 8 months later and soon afterwards, bought a house. I obtained my bachelor's degree in nursing, then worked as an RN for 28 years. We sadly were divorced after 21 years, and I have been my sole means of support since that time. I moved into my townhome in 2015 and had no issues until 2021. I severely injured my back moving a very large (298lb) patient off of the OR table, following an emergency C-section. I struggled with back issues the rest of my career. In February of 2020 I was laid off from my job as a corrections nurse due to Covid. I was on unemployment but still paid my rent on time every month. In June of 2020 I allowed my oldest daughter to move in with the agreement that she would pay 1/2 of the rent and utilities. This turned out to be a disastrous decision. She had struggled with SA since she was 15, but swore to me she was clean. She was addicted to heroin, couldn't keep a job, created drama constantly, and never paid a penny's worth of her half. She was often rageful, as was her son who visited frequently. They did damage to the townhome in the form of her bedroom door, which my grandson made 2 large dents in with his fists, and the bottom of the staircase, which my grandson pulled the bottom of the handrail away from the wall. Those 2 items were the only damage.
In March 2021 I applied, on the 1st day it became available, to Biden's federal assistance program for tenants in danger of becoming homeless. I notified the property manager, and requested that he send in the required paperwork from management to complete the application. He came over to talk with us and he understood the program. I had applied for SSDI in March of 2020 due to back issues, major depressive disorder, and emphysema. I could no longer perform my duties well as a nurse. Everything was fine until June 2021 when he was replaced. The new property manager was a schoolteacher who was a longtime friend of the owner. She admittedly knew nothing about property management. I first met her on the day I had just been discharged from the VA hospital. I had been in the hospital for 12 days, so I came home and was resting in bed when my daughter came to get me saying, "The owner and a new lady are at the door screaming." They were indeed screaming at me because May's rent had not been paid. I tried to explain the program and the fact that the previous manager knew about it. The law protected residents who had applied from being evicted. I requested an appointment for the following day so we could talk civilly. At this point, TN had only released 6% of the millions of funds available. Finally, my funds were released in September. All arrears were paid, and 3 months into the future were paid, with the option of 3 more months being paid if the tenant was still struggling to pay. When the complex accepted the funds, they signed a federal agreement which stated they could not attempt an eviction based on non-payment of rent, could not create a new lease, and could not harass the tenants (my daughter was on the lease, too). They broke all of these conditions, starting with asking ONLY ME to sign a new lease 3 weeks after receiving the funds. They were requesting me to pay pet deposits for my 3 pets, a dog and 2 cats, in an amount $100 over the normal amount, then get rid of the pets immediately. The pets had not done any damage. The new lease increased the rent by $300. They had already been paid for the rent with the federal funds. Immediately following this "new lease" they sent a letter to both of us, saying that the new rent had not been paid on time and we were being evicted. They would not allow maintenance to come repair things. I had requested 6x that they repair both upstairs toilets, which were leaking at the base, to the point that their were stains and leaking on the living room ceiling! They filed for eviction in January 2022. They only named me, knowing that all of the rent payments were done by me. The case was dismissed because they had filed before it was legal, due to the agreement. I asked the judge if it would be necessary for me to appear in court on the next date if I moved out prior to the date, but he said, "That would be a moot point. You cannot be evicted if you have already moved out." We DID move out before the next court date, but their management went to court ANYWAY, saying we were still there and an eviction was granted!! I looked into filing an appeal, but the cost to file was $695, and I didn't have the money to appeal.
Luckily, a place opened in a VA sponsored home for homeless women. My time is up here and I have applied to a multitude of properties but my applications are always denied, based on the eviction. I am working with a lawyer who has written a letter on my behalf, as well as a letter of recommendation from the program director. Still, I have had flat denials from every property.
The assistance I am requesting is names of property owners who will work with me. If any of you kind Redditors know someone, or ARE someone who would work with me, please let me know. I am out of time at the VA home and I have nowhere to go. I never pictured myself at 64 years old being homeless. Thank you in advance to anyone who can help. I have SSDI, as well as VA compensation, so my income is secure and reliable. I am desperate for a safe place to live.

Im 8dpo (31F lap turned abdominal. Kept ovaries and cervix) and i think im past the worst of it. While im still pretty much couch ridden, I figured I would put this out there to maybe help someone else preparing for their surgery! Obviously we all know these experiences are highly personal and will not be exactly like anyone elses experience, but I personally found it helpful gathering peoples experiences and reflecting based on what I know about myself so I thought id write the kind of post Id want to read! I tried to make easy to skim but also included plenty of details!
Heres some things Im glad I did beforehand

• washed and changed my bed sheets -cleaned my bathroom well
• moved things i knew i would need to a hight where I don’t have to bend down to get them. I moved my toilet paper to easy accessible places, my pj shirts and underwear on top of my dresser. Set up a bed stand for water and meds. Also moved my fridge around.
• as for buying stuff, i mostly had everything i needed but was glad to have comfy sweat pants, backless slippers and highwasted underwear. Also those rechargeable battery bricks were handy for charging my phone in the hospital or sitting somewhere not near an outlet. -exercised. Dont stress about this one, i know chronic pain is often the reason for this surgery. I had to stop my routine months before surgery for this reason. But I was glad to be familiar with proper squat form and have strong arms and legs to help get myself up and down without using my core. I also did yoga therapy that helped me understand how to transfer my weight to different parts of my body which helped too!

Heres some things i was extremely stressed about but ended up not being a problem
-Food. My mom came and cooked me some large portion of meals. I ended up throwing most of it away. The idea was to freeze some of it but it was too much of a hassle. I didn’t have much of an appetite and definitely gravitated towards things in the BRAT diet especially bread. I spent the first few days eating like i had the flu and was really sensitive to grease. My mom made wedding soup and it was too greasy. I think i could have survived this week just on a package of bagels and different spreads.
-cleaning and chores. Im pretty sure I have OCD.. this experience has confirmed it. I looked out at my thriving garden yesterday and said to my partner absent mindedly “wow. Things really thrive when im not out there being over involved “ and like wow that is a lesson i did not expect to learn. My partner has been clearing the dishes each day and did some more involved chores once this week. So if you live alone I would advise paper plates and maybe some to help ya once a week for the first week at least.
-in terms of my surgery i was really scared of having a catheter which i did end up needing to have for a day. It was weird but not at all painful. Honestly it was kind of the worst part of my recovery so far just because i felt i had to pee so bad while it was in. Idk if thats typical. Taking it out was not at all painful but also weird. They used the catheter to put sterile water back in my bladder. As soon as i felt a twinge of uncomfortable full feeling i told my nurse. She removed the catheter and i peed it back out no problem.
-being bored. This week has felt like one day. Since it takes me 10x as long to do anything, the days are flying by. I got myself plenty of low key things to do (crafts, activity books, ect) and haven’t even had time to do any of them yet! I still have a feeling this will change in the coming weeks though..
-having enough help. I secretly wished one of my friends or family members would stay with me for a while just so I could be the solo focus of their attention. I live with my partner and two dogs and he has been totally enough support. I needed help getting up and down up until about day 5. He also makes my meals and cleans them up for me and would bring me my meds and water the first few days. I think it makes sense if you live alone to have someone stay a week with you, but ive been fine and honestly anytime someone has come to “help” its just felt draining. I didn’t know how much of a hermit I would wana be.
-my dogs. I piled myself in pillows if i was sitting on the couch with them. I also had a no chew spray near by that we used when they were pups but only had to use it one time. My partner helped to coral them the first few days too. I have not yet been puppy stomped
-the stairs. Its been fine I just have to go slow.
Heres some things I found out along the way that were helpful

• keep cough drops in your pocket. Coughing aint fun and my throat was irritated from being intubated for about 4 days after surgery. Also keep the paper so you can spit em out when they’ve done the job if you want. I started getting a tummy ache from having too many.

-keep lil pillows by your toilet. The hospital gave me one that was plasticy and easy to wipe off (like an outdoor pillow insert). Or even a balled up towel would work. I couldn’t wear a binder because of all my incisions but this helped take the pressure off my stomach/incisions when i needed to have a bowel movement.
-if you stack pillows on either side of you, they can act as “arms” that are handy to push down on when you get up.
-sip your water and take your stool softeners as soon as they say you can! It took me until day 4 to poop but it was no problem when it happened.
-lots of deep slow breaths to calm your nerves and pain.

• those squeezable applesauce packs. Great for when you take your pain pills.

Heres some challenges I encountered that surprised me.
-my throat was so sore! For the first 4 days my throat was irritating, it felt like I had a flap of skin sticking down. The first day it hurt but the rest was just so annoying.

• breathing was a challenge. The first few days i was in bed, it was hard to breathe. I couldn’t take a Deep belly breath because of my incisions. I tried to regularly take a big breath filling my lungs though. Once i started being able to get up and walk around it became less of a problem. I think they have a tool for this at the hospital too but i was not offered it and forgot to ask.

-always laying on my back is getting old. I haven’t quite figured it out yet but im getting there.
-not really a challenge but my lower belly is numb. Apparently that can just happen (even long term). Which has actually been helpful since I can’t feel my lower abdominal incision at all
Lastly!! The pain/symptom scale: Day 0: honestly don’t remember much except feeling i need to pee and my throat being sore. Day 1: was still in the hospital. Pain like cramps and burning pain near certain incisions. I was able to walk the hall but very tired after. Sore throat. Day 2: burning pain near bellybutton incisions. Heavy lung feeling. Left the hospital. Day 3: heavy lung feeling. Pinching pain in incisions whenever I stood or sat. Had some moderate discharge that was yellowish with red and brown. Otherwise no pain Day 4: more like a sharp ache when i stood/sat. Discharge again but a very light amount. Day 5: felt strides..any pain was mild cramping. Tried to shower myself and make myself breakfast which led me to be very tired for the rest of the day. Day 6: most tired yet. Pain the same Day 7: felt like turning a page. Pain very little and energy very good.

I just started crinone gel this morning and as I was having my afternoon poop I spotted some white blobs in the toilet. Should I be concerned? Did I not insert the applicator deep enough which is causing it to leak?
I’ve read that the absorption rate is pretty quick, about 30 mins to an hour? Still I’m worried that it’s potentially leaking out and I’m wasting the progesterone especially since my doctor is telling me to only do it once a day versus what I’ve been reading here on where everyone is being prescribed twice a day.

DAY: MAY 20 2024
5-20-2024

Why nightmares and ‘daymares’ could be early warning signs of autoimmune disease

An increase in nightmares and hallucinations—or ‘daymares’—could herald the onset of autoimmune diseases such as lupus, say an international team led by researchers at the University of Cambridge and King’s College London. The researchers argue that there must be greater recognition that these types of mental health and neurological symptoms can act as an early warning sign that an individual is approaching a “flare,” where their disease worsens for a period.
5-20-2024 Yoga and meditation-induced altered states of consciousness are common in the general population, study says
Yoga, mindfulness, meditation, breathwork, and other practices are gaining in popularity due to their potential to improve health and well-being. The effects of these practices are mostly positive and occasionally transformational, yet they are known to sometimes be associated with challenging altered states of consciousness. New research by a team including investigators from Massachusetts General Hospital reveals that altered states of consciousness associated with meditation practice are far more common than expected. Although many people reported positive outcomes, that were sometimes even considered transformational, from these experiences, for a substantial
5-20-2024 Examining the benefits of out-of-network care for pediatric moyamoya
Total in-episode expenses and resource use before the index surgery (preop) and including/after the surgery (postop). The comparisons are separated for analysis into (A) single institution cohorts (1 and 2) and (B) multi?institution cohorts (3 and 4). Moyamoya disease is a rare condition that affects the blood vessels in the brain, especially in children. Narrowing and blockage of vessels significantly increases the risk of stroke and requires surgical revascularization for treatment. Although research shows that outcomes of revascularization are better
5-20-2024 Study explores links between social media use, mental health and sleep quality
The more time you spend on social media, the greater the likelihood of having unpleasant social-media related dreams that cause distress, sleep disruption and impact our peace of mind. Flinders University’s Reza Shabahang says that the vast and rapid adoption of social media has the potential to influence various aspects of life, including the realm of dreaming. “As social media becomes increasingly intertwined with our lives, its impact extends beyond waking hours, and may influence our dreams,”
5-20-2024 How are asthma and heart health linked?
Although the heart and lungs are neighbors in your chest, people may think of them as separate entities with unrelated problems. But a growing body of evidence suggests that asthma—one of the most common lung disorders—is a risk factor for cardiovascular disease. Asthma is a serious chronic disease in which airways are inflamed, often in response to specific triggers. It affects about 25 million people in the U.S., including nearly 5 million children, causing millions of annual visits to doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. “We call these major changes
5-20-2024 STUDY EXPLORES PATIENT TRUST IN PHYSICIANS
Trust in one’s physician drives positive health practices. In a scoping review, SUNY Poly Professor of Sociology Dr. Linda R. Weber discovered new developments in the measurement of trust, identified those measures of trust that have known reliability and validity, and compared those instruments’ conceptualizations, dimensions, and indicators. The paper is published in the journal PLOS ONE. Weber explains that 10 dimensions emerged from the study: fidelity, technical competence, communicative competence, interpersonal competence (i.e., caring), honesty, confidentiality, global, behavioral, fairness, and system trust/accountability. In addition, these findings provide the foundation
5-20-2024 TIMESAVING TIPS FOR COOKING HEALTHY MEALS
Living a busy, fast-paced life can make it hard to find the motivation to cook a healthy meal at home. However, learning some shortcuts in the kitchen can keep your healthy eating goals on track and help you avoid grazing on unhealthy snacks, grabbing the first thing you see in the fridge or going out for fast food. Why cook at home? Research shows that maintaining a healthy weight is challenging when you eat out too frequently. Restaurant portions often are super-sized
5-20-2024 UNDERSTANDING PERIMENOPAUSE VS. MENOPAUSE
Menopause marks a significant transition for women, yet understanding its precursor, perimenopause, and its symptoms can be complex. Dr. Stephanie Faubion, director of Mayo Clinic’s Center for Women’s Health and medical director of The Menopause Society, says experiencing perimenopause and menopause can be confusing for some. She says it is not only patients who may find it confusing, but medical providers as well, due to lack of training in menopause management. “Menopause is defined by no menstrual cycle for a year,” says Dr. Faubion.
5-20-2024 LOW-DOSE IRON SUPPLEMENTATION HAS NO BENEFIT FOR BREASTFED INFANTS, SHOWS STUDY
The American Pediatric Association recommends iron supplements to all healthy infants who breastfeed longer than four months, while its European counterpart, Society of Gastroenterology, Hepataology and Nutrition, does not recommend it. These deviating guidelines stimulated researchers to design a new study. Breastfeeding is strongly recommended, and the proportion of children are breastfed during the first half of life is high. The researchers wanted to determine whether breastfeeding babies could benefit from extra iron.
5-20-2024 ALLERGY MEDICATIONS COME WITH HAZARDS: BE AWARE
People with seasonal allergies often turn to over-the-counter and prescription medicines to relieve symptoms like coughing, sneezing, runny nose, congestion and itchy eyes, nose or throat. But they often aren’t aware that these meds—including antihistamines—have as much risk for potential side effects, drug interactions and overdose as other drugs. “All medicines have side effects associated with them even when they are taken appropriately and according to dosing directions on the label,”
5-20-2024 I CAN’T AFFORD OLIVE OIL—WHAT ELSE CAN I USE?
If you buy your olive oil in bulk, you’ve likely been in for a shock in recent weeks. Major supermarkets have been selling olive oil for up to A$65 for a four-liter tin, and up to $26 for a 750 milliliter bottle. We’ve been hearing about the health benefits of olive oil for years. And many of us are adding it to salads, or baking and frying with it. But during a cost-of-living crisis, these high prices can put olive oil out of reach. Let’s take a look at why
5-20-2024 Researchers uncover biological trigger of early puberty
Heather Brenhouse, associate professor of psychology, says disrupting the caretaker relationship can really traumatize a child or a developing rodent. Credit: Ruby Wallau/Northeastern University New research conducted by the Brenhouse Lab reveals how early life adversity triggers early puberty and late-life anxiety, paving the way for potential interventions. The onset of puberty has been creeping downward for decades. In the United States, the average age of girls reaching puberty ranges from 8.8 to 10.3 years old. The early start of puberty, which is associated with many health risks, can be
5-20-2024 Bioluminescence and 3D-printed implants shed light on brain–spinal interactions
Brain-spinal cord duet’s neurodynamic symphony is now accessible to scientists via novel multi-organ implants. Credit: Dmitrijs Celinskis A sensory process such as pain is no ordinary phenomenon—it’s a symphony of neural and vascular interactions orchestrated by the brain and spinal cord. Attempting to dissect this symphony by focusing on a single region is like trying to understand a complex melody by listening to just one instrument. It’s incomplete, potentially misleading, and may result in erroneous conclusions. Enter the Carney Institute’s team of visionaries. Their mission? To develop tools that allow
5-20-2024 New thesis explores cancer treatment that can prevent relapse
. What is the main focus of your thesis? Relapse following initial treatment efficacy remains a major clinical challenge for many cancers. The focus of my thesis has been to explore the therapeutic impact of immune cells in patients with blood cancer (leukemia), by first investigating which cells
5-20-2024 New study reveals health and social benefits of car-free living
Participating in a three-week car-free challenge has enhanced the health and well-being of Oxford residents, according to research conducted by The University of Bath’s Centre for Climate Change and Social Transformations (CAST), in partnership with climate charity Possible and Low Carbon Oxford North (LCON), conducted this research project. After ditching their cars for three weeks, 10 out of the 12 drivers across Oxford who participated said they plan to continue with reduced car use beyond the project. The findings of this research project show that: Day-to-day transport emissions were slashed
5-20-2024 Research shows linked biological pathways driving skin inflammation
A certain biological pathway—a set of linked reactions in the body—drives the inflammation seen in the skin disease psoriasis, a new study finds. The work could lead to improved therapies for all inflammatory skin diseases, including atopic and allergic dermatitis and a type of boil called hidradenitis suppurativa, say the study authors. The findings are published in the journal Immunity. Inflammation is the body’s natural response to irritation and infection, but when out of control, it can lead to the reddish, flaky, itchy lesions that
5-20-2024 Prescription co-payments linked to more hospital admissions in New Zealand, study finds
A new study from researchers cautions that bringing back the $5 co-payment for prescription medicines could see a jump in hospital admissions. The study analyzed health data for 71,502 people and found those who didn’t pick up a prescription because they couldn’t afford the $5 fee had a 34% higher rate of being admitted to hospital.
5-20-2024 How a simulation is informing COVID-19 vaccine policy after our ‘return to normal’
As the saying goes “There is no such thing as normal” and this has been especially true after the pandemic. Before the emergence of the omicron COVID-19 variant, countries like the U.K. had high vaccination coverage along with widespread exposure to COVID-19 in the population. This combination of vaccine and infection-derived immunity is termed hybrid immunity and is different to vaccine immunity or infection immunity alone. In contrast, other countries, including Australia, New Zealand and those in the Western Pacific, had a very different pandemic experience.
5-20-2024 Researchers find intriguing connections between Alzheimer’s disease and other common conditions
A study has found that while some medical conditions appear to increase our likelihood of developing Alzheimer’s disease, others appear to decrease the odds. The study, led by Dr. Yijun (Nicholas) Pan and Dr. Liang Jin, analyzed data from 2,443 older Australians living in Melbourne or Perth who are part of the Australian Imaging, Biomarker and Lifestyle (AIBL) study, an internationally recognized cohort for dementia research. “We found anxiety and other neurological disorders are associated with increased likelihood of Alzheimer’s disease,” Dr. Pan said.
5-20-2024 Prepping autistic or sound-sensitive kids for cicada noise
As Chicagoans await the emergence of the cicadas, parents of children on the autism spectrum and/or who have sensitivities to sound can take a few steps to prepare for what is expected to be a loud summer. “Some children on the spectrum can struggle with loud or unexpected noises, such as toilets that automatically flush, fireworks around the Fourth of July or the emergence of a large number of cicadas,”
5-20-2024 Study highlights importance of screening for rare inherited iron metabolism defects
Over 40% of cases curated based on stringent clinical and laboratory criteria from the Indian subcontinent have an inherited iron metabolism defect on comprehensive genomic evaluation, report investigators in The Journal of Molecular Diagnostics. Although iron deficiency anemia is the most prevalent form of anemia globally,
5-20-2024 Study finds tyrosine kinase Csk promotes germinal center B cell survival and affinity maturation
The authors found that Csk (a tyrosine kinase that attenuates B cell receptor signaling) is required for germinal center maintenance and efficient antibody maturation. The immune system strikes a fine balance by identifying and neutralizing disease-causing agents while carefully avoiding destruction of healthy tissues and cells. Now, researchers from Japan have shed new light on one of the processes that helps train immune cells to act only against genuine threats.
5-20-2024 Significant gaps between science of obesity and the care patients receive, say experts
As research continues to produce evidence about the underlying causes of obesity and optimal strategies to treat and manage obesity have evolved, there are disparities in application of the latest scientific advances in the clinical care that people with obesity receive. Widespread adoption of current findings, consistency of care and expertise in obesity care varies by health care professional and institution.
5-20-2024 Improving online depression treatment
Symptom course of depression for individuals who dropped out of treatment and those who completed treatment. In the dropout group, there is an initial decrease in symptoms while the patients were still in treatment, which tapers off as they drop out. For completers, there is close to a linear change over time. This suggests there is a relation between the more that an individual continues to participate in ICBT and their depressive symptom improvement.
5-20-2024 Women face worse chronic kidney disease management in primary care
Women receive worse primary care-based chronic kidney disease (CKD) management than men, according to a research letter adult patients with CKD receiving primary care at 15 practices using electronic health record data to examine sex disparities in guideline-based CKD management
5-20-2024 Bisoprolol does not reduce exacerbations in at-risk COPD patients
For patients with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), bisoprolol does not reduce the number of self-reported exacerbations treated with oral corticosteroids, antibiotics, or both, according to a study
5-20-2024 Anticancer potential of CLK kinase inhibitors 1C8 and GPS167 via EMT and antiviral immune response
The diheteroarylamide-based compound 1C8 and the aminothiazole carboxamide-related compound GPS167 inhibit the CLK kinases, and affect the proliferation of a broad range of cancer cell lines. A chemogenomic screen previously performed with GPS167 revealed that the depletion of components associated with mitotic spindle assembly altered
5-20-2024 Study sheds light on bacteria associated with pre-term birth
Researchers from North Carolina State University have found that multiple species of Gardnerella, bacteria sometimes associated with bacterial vaginosis (BV) and pre-term birth, can coexist in the same vaginal microbiome. The findings, published in mSystems, add to the emerging picture of Gardnerella’s effects on human health. Gardnerella is a group of anaerobic bacteria that are commonly found in the vaginal microbiome. Higher levels of the bacteria are a signature of BV and associated with higher risk of pre-term birth, but it is also found in women who have no sign
5-20-2024 New AI model uses federated learning for multi-organ segmentation based on medical image data
Researchers have successfully developed the technology that can accurately segment different body organs by effectively learning medical image data used for different purposes in different hospitals, which is expected to greatly contribute to the development of large-scale medical AI models in the future.
5-20-2024 Second Phase 3 clinical trial again shows dupilumab lessens disease in COPD patients with type 2 inflammation
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease patients with type 2 inflammation may soon gain access to a new drug—dupilumab—that showed rapid and sustained improvements in patients in a pivotal Phase 3 clinical trial, researchers report in the New England Journal of Medicine. This monoclonal antibody is the first biologic shown to improve clinical outcomes in COPD. The data supporting the use of dupilumab in COPD will be reviewed by the United States Food and Drug Administration in June. The disease improvements—as measured by a significantly lower annualized rate of acute exacerbations
5-20-2024 New AI model uses federated learning for multi-organ segmentation based on medical image data
Researchers have successfully developed the technology that can accurately segment different body organs by effectively learning medical image data used for different purposes in different hospitals, which is expected to greatly contribute to the development of large-scale medical AI models in the future.
5-20-2024 Second Phase 3 clinical trial again shows dupilumab lessens disease in COPD patients with type 2 inflammation
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease patients with type 2 inflammation may soon gain access to a new drug—dupilumab—that showed rapid and sustained improvements in patients in a pivotal Phase 3 clinical trial, researchers report in the New England Journal of Medicine. This monoclonal antibody is the first biologic shown to improve clinical outcomes in COPD. The data supporting the use of dupilumab in COPD will be reviewed by the United States Food and Drug Administration in June. The disease improvements—as measured by a significantly lower annualized rate of acute exacerbations

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So I have experienced some PMS symptoms basically all throughout puberty: mood swings, cramps, tender breasts, sore muscles, etc. During my period I get the period poops (not diarrhea, y’know the ones).
But in almost 8 years I have NEVER experienced borderline stomach flu-like symptoms until last month.
Last month on the 22nd of April I experienced such horrible nausea (but unfortunately I couldn’t puke) and diarrhea. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, I thought maybe it was just an ordinary upset stomach. Went away after a couple days of pepto and eating noodles and crackers (which sucked because it undid my diet progress a little bit).
But NOW it’s the SAME exact issue as it was on the 22nd of April. Almost exactly a month later, May 21st, and I’m experiencing the same problem. Now I’m not so sure it was just a one-time thing.
April 22nd was five days before I got my period.
Today is about 4-5 days before my period is supposed to start.
Common denominator: week prior to period.
I’m a “once is an instance, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern” kinda girl, so I’m not gonna assume anything until it happens a third time, but I was wondering if this has ever happened to you ladies?
I know that a lot of women experience these nausea and diarrhea, but have any of you just abruptly began experiencing this after years of having your period and not having this problem?

Usually I just read and scroll through these posts but I had to share this with people who can relate because I know my sisters are tired of my daily updates…. They don’t have children and haven’t been pregnant yet so they don’t truly understand the struggle/ feeling of accomplishment OF FINALLY RELIEVING YOURSELF AFTER DAYS OF UNRELENTING constipation or having a truly successful POOP! Sorry to those who may be reading this and can’t relate and I cross my fingers that you may share my relief one day. But I truly truly envy those who have regular consistent BM. I can finally walk again. I can finally roll over, I can breathe, I can FINALLY rest peacefully. I truly believe the reason women suffer while pregnant in the later trimesters is solely due to constipation. 😂😂😂 ok rant over. Thank you for listening to my Ted talk

Strange af dream.. felt nightmarish but idk, turned out alright.. so I don’t know where we are but it’s me, a women and a little boy, he looks like actual kid version of Emmanuel Lewis ie webster from that 80’s show.. wasn’t Emmanuel but looked like him.. anyway.. we’re sitting on what looks like a concrete barrier like ones used on roadways when there’s construction/roadwork…we’re surrounded by water and all 3 of us in fear of this predator that keeps popping up in the water.. we’re pinned up against what looks like a parking garage wall.. probably a flooded city.. the barrier we’re sitting on is a part of the building where it’s sticks out a few inches with a gap between it and the building .. that’s why we’re able to stay sitting.. I’m somehow able to see the predator in predator mode the heat colors they see.. he dives fast and comes back up to stare at us but only to look threatening.. he can’t actually get to us.. the water is dark.. can’t see into it.. he takes another dive and we see the outline of his figure the girl is screaming every so often when the predator does this.. then suddenly he’s gone.. takes a dive and disappears entirely.. we sit there in the quiet calm.. at some point contemplating what to do.. at this point it’s almost as if I fall asleep sitting there.. everything blacks out for a long time.. then I come to and wake up again and we’re back in it.. but there’s something that woke me.. there appears to be a large creature in the water.. some kind of heavy movement.. the water begins to wave around violently.. the girl says oh no! We have to get off of this thing.. my response is.. where do we go?? She says.. it’s gonna hit us… she begins to crawl on the barrier away from us.. I look at the little boy and tell him if he wants to follow her it’s fine.. he doesn’t need to stay there with me.. he looks confused..unaware of where to go… suddenly this massive whale worm like predator looking creatures pops up and crashes into the barrier… breaking it and making us fall in the water.. we lose the girl.. unaware of where she might’ve ended up.. we’re dropping to the bottom as we come face to face when this massive thing.. you see the predator like tentacles in its mouth.. the weight of it pushing against the water pushes us deeper to the bottom… I don’t know how I’m even able to be in such control.. the boy is in front of me.. we’re both facing it.. I reach my arm out to try and push it.. my hand comes within an inch of its claw like tentacles on its face.. I see it’s eyes . when I sense a calm.. like it’s not after us.. we hit the bottom and a door behind us opens.. sucking us in like a toilet.. come out on the other side..no more water… everything’s still wet but we can at least breathe now and walk… we can see the large creature on the other side of this wall as if through a thick glass.. there’s several other people there that are in a sense not excited to see us but thankful we’re ok.. someone asks for the women I just sigh 🫤.. she went the other way..I take a look around, it looks like we’re in a sewer.. probably the interior of a large submarine.. that’s what I can remember before waking

I am tired of having long 20-30 minutes sessions on the toilet. It always are a series of 50 or so small pushes that take a long time to come out once i'm on the toilet.
Here are some details to perhaps diagnose what I should try to get healthier bowel movements - I'd really appreciate any help:

• My poop almost never comes out as the prototypical long poop (or as my kid calls it, a "banana poop").
  
• When I was younger, I used to take antibiotics many times when I got sick. Over time, I even got allergic to them, where when I took them, some of my hand's skin would get itchy and peel off. Not sure if this affected my gut biome too.
  
• Before I got a bidet, I would have to wipe a lot during these long bowel movements, sometimes to the point of finding some red in the toilet paper from all the wiping. I wonder if that's made my rectum smaller, so I can't just have the normal, larger poops.
  

So I'm new to incontinence and having to wear diapers myself. Please don't lecture me & tell me "you'll get used to it" or whatever other things, please just meet me where I'm at here so I can find some kind of comfort in my new life. Background: I had a spinal injury, paired with degenerative disc disease and sciatica, that as of a 8 days ago has left me with excruciating back pain but little feeling below the waist and no use of my legs or feet at all, total urinary incontinence and mild bowel incontinence (mostly constipated). Doctors said this will likely be the case long term if not forever. I've always known I'd end up in a chair due to my back issues before this injury, but I thought it would be in my old age and not at 25.
So I'm having to come to terms with all of this and getting discharged from the hospital today or tomorrow. I've been wearing the standard mckesson pull-up diapers here that very much look like what my kids wear minus the Disney princesses. They will send me home with a handful but I have to change them 3-4x a day even with scheduled toileting so it wont last long. I've been scouring the internet for options for longer term but I feel like crap looking at all these Diapers, but I live alone and can't do laundry easily enough to use the washable cloth ones and don't want to carry them around with me if I'm out in the world. It seems a bit unfair that the underwear-looking ones are only made for women widely. What I'm looking for is disposable pull-ups that are as thin and discreet as possible, look as much like underwear as possible, preferably without that bunched-up waist and ruffled legs that these mckesson ones have. I'm also a bigger guy, pear shaped with big thighs and rear and would love ones that weren't likely to break over my ass. I understand that yes this is a medical thing and only myself and my partner and occasional doctor would see these, but this whole process has felt like losing all my dignity and autonomy, going from hiking, building things for my partner, and swinging the kids around in the nice weather, to having nurses pull my pants up and down for me and having to ask them for another diaper bc I didn't know for hours I was pissing myself, and smelling like it constantly, being mostly helpless. I just want to feel as normal as I can for right now, idk maybe I'll adjust and decide I don't care or whatever but right now I'd appreciate if ppl commenting would meet me where I'm at and understand how hard this is for me mentally and emotionally and that I just want to feel like I'm wearing underwear as much as possible, I don't feel like a regular grown man right now, I just want things to be a little more like they used to be.

Hello together, Since i need to get this stuff out of my mind i thought of posting my full story about my past Relationship with a Girl with BPD.
About me
24M we we're together for 2,5 years. Parents divorced when i was 8, after that our Home was never rly a Family again. Have 2 Sisters but no strong Bond to them. She was my first real girlfriend and definetly is my first true Love (6th class i had a "gf" for 8~weeks that started while she was in a relationship that she ended for me). I was a virgin before her, and only kissed my "first GF" before no other Woman. I also Had No other experience with woman and didnt knew anything rly about them (how they behave/whats normal/whats not) at all since i had very little contact to woman when i started to work at 16. I have a strong protective Instinct for Woman and i would consider myself overall a very caring and nice Person.
About her
25F, 4 Boyfriends before me (8months/3months/3years/10months) she cheated on the second with the first and Kissed a Guy at the end of the 3year one. Parents divorced at age 13. Very rough childhood. Father a narcisst, mother made her feel Like she never wanted her. She has a older sister but the Bond isnt strong. One of her other Family members and His wife&children kinda became her Foster Family, she Sees them more as parents, and These are her Trust persons. Now diagnosed with BPD, Depression,ptsd
This will probably be a longer Story so i put it in parts.
First Meeting
The first time i met her was at a small Party at a friends house, one of my friends girlfriend knew her and warned me about her. She went through a breakup phase at the moment and they knew that she had Tinder at the moment and had slept with some Guys. This night she was flirting with someone Out of my town which later resulted in them becoming a couple.
Her Last relationship before me It lasted about 10months. It was her 4th, and the Guy never Had a Longtime relationship but a like 3/4shorter ones <1year. Since they belonged to the same friendcircle as me i noticed alot about it. It was destined to fail. He was on worktrips Monday-Friday (Army) so they only rly met in the weekends. They argued very much even in the beginning. U could see that neither of them we're rly happy in it. Personaly i dont rly like this guy since i dont like his charakter and the way he behaves sometimes.
How it started
At the end of her last relationship they moved together to my town (her ex also lived there) and they we're always at the same smaller meetups/partys as i was (only our friendcircle) with like 5-8ppl at most. One night He left earlier and she wanted to stay. This night she got a message from her father that she is not her daughter anymore since she moved out of her old apartment where he was the landlord. Due to coincidence i wanted to Go to toilet and saw her crying down the street, went to her and comforted and hugged her. Next days she thanked me for taking the time via wa(WhatsApp). The next week again there was a Party and again her Bf left earlier and she stayed. This time we we're the Last people and host closed it, WE then talked for about 3hours about her situation with her Family/ dad since i could understand it, her BF at the time Not. Also i hugged her from time to time when she was crying. Next week also the same, she stayed Bf left and she touched my Leg and Rubbed her feet against mine after he left, we also talked alot that night again after Party was closed. Couple days later she thanked me and said her Bf doesnt understand her, doesnt Take time for her problems, i Just wanted to help her and make her feel better, No romantic interest at that Point. Due to her issues we then went to for a Walk nearly everyday in the night to Talk about it. On the first Walk she literally told me about anything (Family&Friends/past relationship/ her Sex Life, with how many Guys she slept (8 at the time) and her Tinder Phase i got told about before (8 at the time)and that she isnt sexually satisfied in her relationship and never was before-outside of a ONS when she was single) All this caught me offguard since i was Virgin and never had a girl spoke to me about such things. Later we went to her place and talked more, i noticed her make me compliments all the time but i Just kinda ignored it. She then Fell asleep on my lap and i waked her Up after 10min and went home. We then went to meetup to Walk nearly everyday at the weekdays, and we fell in Love during that. But she Lied to her Bf Sometime(Not everytime) this went for Like 2/3weeks. After some time she told me she wants to leave her Bf and we cuddled Sometimes a little bit but no touching private parts more Like leaning against another (i then didnt realised that we we're cuddling). We also talked about a Future together and how we build a House and have Kids and stuff. I didnt feel Bad since her Bf treated her very poorly and never was caring or Loving for her. She then left him, and couple days later we Kissed and i was Always at her place but so that No one can notice (but people realised there is Something Off and that there something between us). During relationship she then told me that she wouldve betrayed her ex with me if i took the signals right (Like i noticed) but to my bad i didnt realised what that rly means.
The relationship
Finally i had a gf i couldnt believe it. But we kept it Hidden for 3months~ then Made it official, i then moved into her Apartment (she kept it) since i was living at parents since then. We never argued in the first 6months(!) it was just perfect. We had so much fun we enjoyed every minute and did Chat allday when Not together. I Had what i always thought what real love is. She was my best Friends and the only Person to ever give me this warm Feeling of being Loved&wanted&needed&cared for and i never trusted a Person Like her. Also the Sex did workout for her, i was the first Guy who cared for her wants and needs and she told me she never had this good Sex before and that she had her First orgasm (ngl i am also a bit over average in size but i only knew that once we bought condoms). Everything seemed Like it could Last forever she always talked about marriage, we talked about problems, we're always nice&Kind&Loving to each other and i thought well maybe i am one of the lucky people to find his wife at the first try. But after 6-8months the Sex life changed, it was still very good but only every 3-5weeks or when she was drunk (i have a high Libido). She told me before she has no high Sex Drive and had one year No Sex in the 3year relationship but that we have so few Sex now maybe a phase. So i thought ok i am Not Happy with it now but maybe it Changes and we still have Sex Sometimes and the Sex is still very good for both of us, i Made her like things before she didnt like (fingering) and we found Out some more Things she liked but has never tried/ the other did seemingly Not to her liking. But this Phase continued for the whole relationship, we never again had sex more often then every 3-5weeks outside for Like 3/4times. This put a big toll on me since for me it was very important, also she at some Point did Not Care for my needs and wouldnt do anything for me (only every 8-12weeks or so she would do give me a BJ or HJ) in bed only when she wanted Sex, also Sometimes she couldnt kiss me and tilted her head away, and often wanted it to end fast Out of nowhere. This was my only Problem and the reason i waited with marriage since every other aspect was rly fine. Only i was very Jealous since she chatted with some Guys (actually only friendship) and with on of our Friends He also came over in her want but WE only played cards or so, i asked her If there was Something but she said no and i trusted her. Also she said she isnt interest in other guys and could never have an open relationship.. Also during the relationship she Always said she feared me leaving her and never would she leave me, and that she needs me in her life, that she was never so happy on all areas and that she doesnt understand how a Guy Like me who in her eyes is so perfect would Chose her.And how i always felt when Something was off and comforted her and how i am the most understanding amd empathic Person she ever met.And that she wants to marry me so bad, and that we together could conquer the world and do everything and clear every problem we have. This always gave me the confidence i needed in my life and i thought what should she wants from other Guys, she Had 4 Bad relationships and i am giving it my all so why think to much of it.
When BPD fully appeared / Breakup
Last OctobeNovember she started to have mental problems and went to weekly therapy. Thats when it all started. Her mental health became worse and worse, i tried everything i could, spoke with her all the time, tried to fix things tried to Bring Up solutions but nothing worked (Till the end of the relationship). But it only got worse. She Had suicidal thoughts, inner emtyness, started to distance herself from me, pushed me away. Didnt wanna spend time with me, wanted less and less to have physical interaction. Also in this time she talked A LOT to one of her Guy Friends who also Had Depression, and i mean a Lot. They chatted allday, Had Phone calls, and she hold her Phone away when i sat next to her when she chatted with him, but she told me i can Always See The Chat If i wanted to. They did never meetup tho, and i asked her If she Had feelings for him and she said now but that she Just wants to Talk to someone who isnt involved in her private life and i trusted that, but i was still very Jealous. Since why Not speak to me when she always could. When it was clear she has BPD she went into a 6week therapy to learn how to Deal with her suicidal thoughts etc. Later i realised where all Here Sometimes weird behavior (pushing me away/more Guy Friends/distancing/Moments where she would yell at me for no reason but 5minutes later came to say sry and her having problems to have Sex with because of the fear of emotion Connection and all the other stuff) came from since i informed myself alot about bpd. But before that we had alot of Talks how this should Work Out again since i felt she was falling for another Guy Just Like Back then with me, and i Said to her if we wont have more physical contact Like Kissing and Sex, that this wont Work Out in the longterm. But i always said i give u the time u need, i give u the time u want, together we can fix this youre never alone aslong as U have me. 1 Week later she said she Had lost feelings for me and that she wants to breakup and WE kinda did breakup there, but that she has no feelings for other and Just wants to go through this alone, but also that she constantly thinks about haveing Sexting and Sex with other Guys, Guys she has no feelings for, she can dump any Second, without having responsibilities, without the emotional Connection that was her Most important part. This was the moment i broke. I thought since she finally was satisfied she wouldnt want other Guys.. Never could i have a poly relationship. I only wanted her and i Made that clear the whole relationship even tho we Had a little Sex. I Said to her that i couldnt do this and she said she doesnt know If she rly wants it and so on. We talked for days about how to solve IT and what to do but came to the conclusion that she wants to put it ON ICE for a while,and that her Body and mind doesnt want to be touched from me but that she will install Dating apps soon... But also she changed her mind daily in nearly everything.. I thought that i broke the circle that i managed to Change he to make her feel better finally, since i was someone who gives everything for her, who Loves her for who she is, who Cares for her Like No other, she told me that she was never this satisfied, she never Had so good Sex, she never was this happy,she wanted Kids in her life but only with me she knew she want them, she said i am the right guy at the wrong time... Her Family Made clear that they want me to be her Future husband, all of them Loved me and her Friends too. During the therapy i visited her&brought her presents, Things to get her mind Off from the Situation, Pictures of us&her and her Friends&Family and everything was fine Like nothing happened. But when we chatted she didnt want to Chat, but on the Weekend we alone spent the whole time together, cuddled, but No Kissing or Sex. She Always said lets give it our all after the 6weeks and rly Work on it but i need time for me now and i respected it. But it all changed after 2 weeks she didnt want to me to visit or to Chat with me or to have Phone calls, but i knew she was on her phone the whole day.. But still she wanted to visit me in the weekends. In the 3rd week tho she said i comfort her when i am there but that she feels good without me and that the feelings are gone. Some Part of me died that moment. So we finally fully clearly broke up. We both cried alot and talked about it but there was No helping it.
After Breakup
We still have contact since her Cats& stuff is still at our Apartment, but she will get a new Apartment soon and the all of IT will be Out and i can start to fully heal. Also since we we're both active in the Association we Met Last Week, and she was crying all the time so i spoke to her, since i still Love her.. She told she wants to go back to therapy since she has again all time suicidal thoughts and does Cut herself now and in therapy/clinic she feels safe. I comforted and hugged her since she was crying all the time. I asked her how she feels and what therapy she will do in future and we chatted for over an hour that i started questions that we're on my mind since a while If she cheated on me during relationship she Said No and i asked If she slept with other Guys after Breakup and she said yes.. 2 guys since and the first 1week after the breakup... And i asked If it felt good and she said that it felt very good and that she doesnt regret it.. I never felt so betrayed And Hurt i hoped that with all the Love she Had for me she could avoid doing that Just to feel good for 5minutes.. And that she did it to forget me. And she told me it since she cant lie to me and that she still has some feelings for me.. and that she Said that i know her better then she knows herself... I got so angry at that moment but Not at her at the Guy that it felt good with..(i dont know who He is and its better that way) But now i know that she will never have healthy relationship aslong as she doesnt get her Shit together, and Deals with her mental illness, she Said she wont have a relationship again aslong as she doesnt has it fixed and i Hope so for her. She Said herself she knows she will never find a Guy like me again and that she rly was never this happy in Life like with me and that never has a breakup Hurt her so much and that she never Had so strong feelings for someone and that she is very sorry it had to end this way and that she wished different but that she thanks for me for everything i have done for her.
Conclusion
I am absolutely broken my self confidence is at 0, but still i am not angry at her but very very disappointed that she gave It all Up. It was true Love from my Side and maybe to some degree from hers. BPD build Up and destroyed the relationship. But it was the best time of my and her Life. If she wouldnt have sleeped with other Guys DIRECTLY after breakup Things couldve ended differently but now i know that i will never be together or maybe even talk with the women i truly Loved with all my Heart, the Woman that Made me feel like No other, the Person i had so much fun with and could Talk about anything, the Woman with the sweetest Smile and the cutest laugh, but also the woman that didnt respect my boundaries and that Kills me. But i Said to her If she would do that its over, she did and didnt regret it. She will regret it one day i am 100% sure but then i will Not comeback. Its a shame what this illness does to people. Now i am left with a co dependency, the thought i can never Trust a Person this much or the words the say due to my Trust getting crushed once more, and the Feeling i can never Invest so much Love in a relationship again, and that i will just get the Same treatment. But still i am not a Bit angry at her funny isnt it.
Last words
To all of you out there who are living through the same shit, u have to think what you really want and what your boundaries are and set them clearly. I wish for u that it not has to end like in my Situation. Feel hugged 🫂! U are great people dont let your self confidence get crushed by them.