Mad gab printable

Authors note: sorry about the long as all hell wait for this one. I work in retail management and the start of the spring is always a massive rush.
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Memory transcription subject: Zevek, deeply moved Venlil
Standard date: September 4th 2136
I blubbered weakly, whimpering to myself in the weak light of my room. Overcome with a level of raw emotion that came a from a source that I would've never imagine.
wrong...everything we've been told about the humans was wrong...they are so much more than beasts..so much more than just some...curious quirk of biology...no more than a true people could craft a story so...moving.
I wiped away the last of my tears credits for the human movie BladeRunner slowly scrolled up the screen. "He...just wanted to be a person.." I whined in the dark, still trying to wrestle with my own about the past claw. I had been arrogant, foolishly confident in myself when I had first started. The humans had a level o cultural diversity that was head spinning merely on the surface. So much to just, and so much I simply just lacked the perspective to fully understand. The sight of their raw, unmolested eyes at the beginning had me a shaking wreck in my seat, but soon the events that unfolded simply had me too enamored. The pride I felt from braving such a hurtle was quickly drowned by the tale that unfolded...But once I was working into the depths of their media was when things truly began to spiral into an utter journey, one that had only begun. I had begun with simply searches that went along with my own expertise. Mainly engineering and machine learning tech, and promptly into a treasure trove of stories and media that kept following this trend that kept coming up with these apes.
Duality. so much hate, yet raw love, so much violence, yet so many tales of peace and empathy. This species was utterly madness, one moment is brutality, mercy, forgiveness..it simply made no sense..I...have to know more, not enough data...
"Ok." I huffed to myself as I slid the movie application out of the way. "Let's see how else these humans entertain themselves." I began to work away at my interface, punching in simply 'games' into the search bar. Naturally a veritable wall ran into me and I began to move my way through it with a care, until I came across a video...of some kind...battle simulation...My tail curled in confusion as one human was visible in some kind of smaller box, judging from features the human seemed young. My spine still try to rattle out of my back at those bright green pools that were blazing with an almost manic focus. I took another long breath, paws balling up on my desk, biting down on the instant reflex to dive under the desk. Sure...I've learned to brave it...sort of. The main screen of the footage, show some kind of heads up display. The long powerful arms of a human clutching a weapon that bobbed with the gait of the bouncing view. Clearly thi-
"Got a guy on your left main hall!!" I jump at the sudden urgent bark of another human voice, nearly falling out of my chair. The human on screen seemed to barely react, but this...simulated human he was controlling suddenly whirled in the given direction. The firearm snapped up to the sights with blinding speed, the weapon barked, cutting down another virtual human in mere seconds. There was some kind of odd chime and above the body a human set of numbers popped above the head, adding to the score at another corner. "Good tap, dude was trash..."The worlds were lightning, the choppy and quick barks between hunters on the move, the human not even breaking his stride as he piloted his avatar. I sat by in my seat, ears flicking at the sounds, enamored I let this video play. Watching how the human so efficiently and rapidly maneuvered through structures and streets with ease, slaying other digital humans. it was brief but the context was clear.With shaking paws I type into the search bar again, the words smashed out with ease.
-[Strategy, combat simulation game]-
There was another flood of entries, several of them showing many such titles...trailers, and vids. Claws slipped by as I watched humans not only against programs but each other, contesting in grand games of resource management and strategy. Simulated nations as small as pre space flight fiefdoms to interstellar empires, jockeying for power and dominance. I sat there in silence, can of sprunk going warm as enormous interstellar fleets, coordinated by a human juvenile, roll over other human star empires. Deftly maneuvering fleets, cycling exhausted and damaged ones back to shipyards in time with fresh vessels. They sent the heaviest out to key assets, intentionally bracketing the other's to crush they're strongest. My tail hung limply as I took a drag from the can, which landed in the bin to join the others.
these are entertainment, they play these for fun....combat sims of all kinds they play for fun...I'm starting to think that Tarva was wise to side with these creatures, if this is what they're younglings are capable of in their pastimes, then they are showing incredible restraint in their martial prowess...more data...another entry..
I cracked opened another can, and gave a cabinet below my desk a kick, it slid open, full of various local nuts. The paw full was stuffed in my mouth as my claws flew across my interface.
-[non violent digital games]-
As if this search was mocking me another utter wall of returns washed across my interface, was there anything these human *don't d-*My train of thought feel face first into the pavement as a video came on, another of these digital games but...The sound of gushing water rippled through my ear pieces as a human gabbed on about some nonsense on a stream. While on screen they were..washing a construction vehicle. From the little avatar that was wielding a power-washer, blasting away at the mud and grime caked on the machine. I wrack my brain for what kind of reason of why any creature would engage in such a thing for anything but training. It simply made no sense, illogical towards enjoyment....and yet. My eyes tracked the flowing water, watching as mud and filth was blasted away to reveal its hardy finish I..I felt a satisfaction. That kind of sensation where you take your first bite into a fruit, that same feeling when something you've made slides into its planned place.I didn't know how long I watched the massive construction machine be washed..but it was downright hypnotic to watch.Something tells me I've only barely scratched the surface of these creatures....
Standard Date September 5th 2136
I slinked back into my apartment after my work claw, sighing as I hung up my cloak. Work had been fine, it got rather funny when management had come to down to check on our progress and pretended to know what the brahk he was talking about. But such thoughts were lost on me while I went back to my terminal sitting back down and loading my earth search engine. My secret researched continued, this time I decided to take a far more broad approach with my work, and went for history.
-[Human history]-
[Memory subject time lapse: 3 standard hours][Resuming playback, subject brainwave patterns at low stability]
I lay there in my chair, I just didn't know..how to feel at this point. Several times I had to stop, several times I nearly heaved my lunch into my garbage. Several times I was moved by the words of human hearts. Several times I was taught horrible lessons that have to be learned in horrible times. I was shown the mountains of bodies it takes to truly fight against those who would do evil. They're stories told me of how people despite all this could forgive, how...they fought for those we would put down without a second thought.
I've truly gone off the deep end haven't I..because every time I think I've come to some kind of understanding of these human's, they break the pattern, so they've done so much, come to far..I'm not sure what to even be afraid of anymore..I still don't have enough..
Across my screen, a man a truly ancient human that seemed to be naught but skin and bone, but his terrible predator eyes shone. Those blue pools gleamed with an ironclad conviction that despite his decades of retirement. He was telling his story among a lengthy documentary of the human's second world war, which even with its age was still the most brutal conflict they're species ever knew. It was such calculated savagery, the utter destruction, the ruthless genocide, everything that I would come to expect from a predator species. But then more of the footage came along with the old humans talking.
"Ya..ya see..we have been pushing a'way over inta' paris for the better'parta fiave weeks.." The ancient male rumbled in his seat towards the camera, his hellish eyes making my pelt want to leap off my bones, but his words had me mystified. "I was just about smoked five steps ta'hell after pushin through them lines, only thing keepin me goin was thinkin about not being killed by no damn nazi boys..." The human worked his strange and loose lips for a moment, sharp gaze sliding away from the camera."When ah wus out there, pushing inta paris, we had a stop, and my busted up ass was so dog chewed t'hell out I just leaned on a corner pole and didn't give much of'a damn, but den.." His words slowed, a certain something gleamed in his eyes, was it guilt, determination, the species was still too alien for me to tell. "I saw dis lil girl out there, walking down tha street our way all dusty and looking like the devil had took'a swipe at'er..she sidled on up'ta me..gave me a half toothed little smiled and thanked me, since she lived in the part of city we had cleaned out for'em..Her name wus Noelle it was.." I felt my throat tighten along with the long dead human in the footage as he fought to keep up the words."then she walked on away, an all of tha'sudden..Ah weren't tired no more..."
The man's words rung deep within me while the documentary went on. So much agony, so much destruction, met headlong with conviction, forgiveness and determination. How could creatures so vicious and lethal and the same time show such grief and almost mad drive to aid their fellow being?
At every turn they seem to jump between the actions of prey and predator, banding together, seeking to defend themselves from danger, fleeing and submitting in the face of death and danger. Yet in the very same moment some humans act like true predators, instantly reacting to perceived threats with determined, relentless force. Then..in so many instances this bloodthirsty rage they seem to summon is at its strongest when they're kin are threatened..These creatures only grow more complex the more I research..
I rub my face as I slip into bed, sliding onto the mattress, paws coming to my face. Despite the long paw, sleep couldn't come. My glasses stayed on, the display flitting as I kept up my reading into human histories..seeing their story.
I'm done for..Brahk..I'm done for...I have to keep this a secret, because I'm starting to understand these predators...
Memory transcription Subject: Zevek, Distracted Venlil Standard Date: September 6th, 2136
I can research and work all I like, but a venlil still needed to eat and get to all the little drudges of life. This rest paw was going to be expended on errands. Sure I'm a herd and family of great affluence and I could easily have everything I needed delivered directly to my apartment on my hefty salary. I decided against such a practice, seeing as a waste of credits when I had paws where such tasks could be taken to. Besides...I was thinking sometime outside would do me a bit of good.
Mind still in awash from my research, I connected my glasses to my pad, clipped it to my belt, and slipped my cloak on my shoulders. After a momentary pause, I quickly snatch up my pair of wireless ear buds. Flicking the doc open, I push them into my ears as they connect to my interface into them, and keying my pad into my terran connection.
Slipping into the cold biting air of BlackRock I set up the browser yet again in an off box in my vision as I walked, grocery bag folded under an arm and out the door. My paws worked along the road towards the small tram station stop at the center of my hab block. I began to slip into the pedestrian traffic, small groups of venlil moving together made then easier to slip around. My searching through the countless song lists gave so many options, so I simple threw caution to the wind and picked something at random as I stopped at the platform. I let the music player shuffle
Stairway to heaven-Lead Zeppelin
For what I was expecting for the music of the humans it was far gentler in its beginning. It began with a low and soft kind of string instrument that I recall was a 'guitar' from my studies. I leaned back in the cheap plastic seat of the tram, barely noticing I was in it how hypnotized I was by such sounds. Then the human began to sing, its rumble growl so oddly melodic, as he began to sing me a song about a stairway to heaven. There was something so melancholic about it, some cultural points weren't hitting, but even someone as socially inept as myself could pick it up. By the time I was slipping off the tram I felt an odd spring in my gait as the song picked up, despite its screeching notes there was something about this electric guitar that scratched an urge I didn't know was there. The song was at full swing towards its in when I entered the simple market nearby my home, I found my tail swaying and bobbing to the alien yet bewitching rhythm.
And she's buuuying a stairway to heeavaan..~
The incredible voice of the human tapered off into a soft silence while I was picking out some proper snacks. Venlil music was often very gentle and easy on the ears, but even this oddly mellow human song had a certain spark the my own people's simply lacked. While I stuffed a fruit back and another case of drinks in my bag my search for another song was far less timid that before. A small moment of memory slipped in..going about my brother's and fathers constant talk about the taint of predators, how it would corrupt all it touched. It sent a small spike of..guilt..maybe remorse while I stood at an end-cap.
Well..I've already delved into their history and entertainment for several paws now, your already down the mine shaft Zevek, might as well see the bottom..Besides, its not like they're culture will infect me that badly will it?
[Time lapse: 1 hour of shopping and music surfing later]
I never been one for dancing, in fact I'm sure I couldn't dance to save my life. Additionally, I've never had much motivation, or the raw confidence to do so..
That is until I starting hearing songs like this...
For some reason the beat just had me moving, I didn't realize how much I was moving until I was a few stops on the train, and by the time I was off the train I was dancing my way home. Perhaps something had my mood high, perhaps..with my predator disease having gone so deep I lacked the concern. A full bag of groceries hanging from the crook of my elbow as I went along.
Nor did I care about the looks I was getting as I came bouncing off my train and into my neighborhood. In my gyrating, grooving walk I gave an utterly perturbed mother and gave her a jovial tail flick as I passed her up the stairs.
I found myself swaying to the human's voice as I idled in the elevator, something about the tenor and melody. The beat making my paws sway and bounce, head swaying as the music began to grow. The peak rolling through my ears as I all but flowed through the door, arms spread wide as I slid through my door.
STAY WITH MEEEEEEEE..~
I didn't even realize I was singing along as I bounce along in my room. Arms rolling in ways I never would have never done in public, my tail wrote patterns in the air that even I didn't know. Her voice was simply incredible..how could I not move..I could feel it in my soul..I was on my bed at one point e- bling-bling! The sound of the specific chime tone I had set up for Dayna's message suddenly sounded out. After giving the floor a perfect exterminators tackle I scrambled, face blooming as I snatched my pad. Gaze rapidly scanning over the new message.
-hey Zevek, how's it going?-
I swallowed a little at the message, clearly I couldn't tell her about my highly incriminating research into her species completely. Yet, my heart ached at the very concept of lying to her, it was a foolish impulse. But I did my best to get something on the screen.
-its been going great Dayna, I've been looking a lot into human culture, why didn't you tell me that your species had such a huge range of music?!-
Half truths we're the finest lies, as father would always say.
-it what happens when your culture is constantly shifting and changing, human tribal nature causes a lot diversification, but more importantly, I've got some awesome news Zev!-
My ears perk forward, my fingers flying over the keyboard.
-what kind of news, do tell?-
-they gonna push my program forwards, I'm packing for my trip to Venlil prime as we speak-
In that moment, alone in the dark, my heart leaped for more reasons than I'll ever know.

I've started and stopped writing this post at least two dozen times over the last few months. Ever since the shutdown announcement, I've felt like I wanted to express my feelings the best way I know how: an overly verbose and, (probably more than) somewhat meandering screed. But every time I sat down to really put thoughts to the proverbial paper, there's been something holding me back. Whether it was a timing that didn't feel appropriate, my own insecurities about trying to distill years worth of emotions into something that was even remotely readable, or just general procrastination (let's be honest, it's at least 50% that), I sit here now realizing that the May 15th shutdown for the RT website wasn't the actual "last day" for everyone. So, my first apology should be for missing the mark here entirely. My second should be for how long I anticipate this being.
Even now, I'm trying to really formulate how to begin what all I want to convey. I guess I can start on a day that's come to, in a very cosmic coincidence sort of way, represent some of the worst times in my life. April 25th. In this particular case, let's go back over a decade, before "Funhaus" had started, to April 25th, 2012.
It was getting late. My best friend—let's call him Ryu—and I had just finished playing some Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm on 360. I had invited him to come hang out at the place I was living at the time (both of our boss's basement) since he'd been in a bad place recently. His ex-gf had called me earlier that day and asked me to do a wellness check on him. They had broken up recently and he wasn't taking it well. We were chatting about where we were going to try and grab a late bite when I saw some movement outside of the front door. Before I had time to process what was happening, several armed figures entered his house. He was pinned to the couch, and I felt a searing pain flash across my face as I was punched in the mouth, lifted from the couch, and slammed to the ground; jettisoning my shoes in the process. We were handcuffed as they searched the house. I thought it was a home invasion. I fully accepted that I was going to die if they were going to try and move us. Luckily for me, a few moments before I was planning on trying to make a run for it, a detective came in and led me outside. I was met by a dozen cop cars, SWAT vans, and other law enforcement vehicles. Turns out, his ex-gf had called the cops and swatted us with a false rape claim. I was booked for "obstruction of justice" and spent a few hours in the county drunk tank before my parents could come post my bail. As I was leaving the jail, I caught a glimpse of my friend sitting in his cell waiting to be processed. The light completely gone from his eyes; soul darkened. I knew in that moment I had lost him forever. Three months later he committed suicide in his car.
A few years later, I was working a retail job. I had gotten the gig from a friend—we'll call him Sky—who also knew Ryu. In fact, Sky had trained Ryu at a previous company, and then Ryu trained me. Sky went onto to this new company, and Ryu followed shortly after. Unfortunately, due to his arrest, Ryu was let go from his position. I was now picking up where he left off. Following in the footsteps of the only person I had ever considered an "older brother". One morning, Sky says he's found this hilarious new YouTube channel. It's these guys. They used to be called Inside Gaming, but they went rogue from Machinima and started something new with Rooster Teeth. It was called "Funhaus" and they did comedy gameplays. I was vaguely aware of all the words he said. I knew RvB but hadn't kept up with it. I knew all the AH personalities because I was (and still am) hopelessly addicted to achievements. But until this point, the only real YouTube stuff I kept up with was Extra Creditz. It just wasn't something I really consumed in that way. That was all about to change.
Funhaus was an instant rabbit hole for me. I think it was about six months after the channel launched that I was introduced and I cleared the back catalog in two weeks max. The humor, the gameplay, the way everyone riffed on one another. It was the first time I actually listed to an entire episode of a podcast. I was fully bought in. It also didn't hurt that both Sky and I agreed that Lawrence reminded us so much of Ryu that it was almost uncanny. From the weeb tendencies, to the bombastic pontificating, to the frame of glasses he wore. It wasn't a perfect facsimile, but only being a few years removed from the incident it was an oddly comforting form of catharsis. And so, I began my daily ritual of watching the newest Funhaus video. Monday's in particular I remember opening the store and eating my chicken biscuit every morning while watching the newest Demo Disk. I would often get asked by my teammates, "What are you watching?" and they'd have to politely sit through a short dissertation on Funhaus and why it was the funniest thing on YouTube. There was one such conversation that always stood out to me that went something like this,
Co-Worker: "You know kliq, I see you in here on your lunch break every single day watching a video on your phone. About half of the time you can't even breathe you're laughing so hard. So I looked over your shoulder the other day and it's just three white dudes playing a video game? How can it be that funny?" Me: "Lemme show you something."
I pulled up the gameplay of James yelling at FIFA 2006 and I had converted another fan.
The years from 2015-2019 are some of my favorite Funhaus memories. Not in a "I hate Future Funhaus" way, but just as sort of going through my mid-20s and starting to become a person. I know it became a common joke to talk about the parasocial nature of YouTube channels around this time, so pardon me for this bit of cringe, but in a very real way I felt like I had discovered several long-lost older brothers (and one sister). I knew that I didn't actually know these people. But the caricatures they played while performing for the camera became a very impactful part of my life. Much in the same way that a good character in a book or a TV show can resonate with you in ways you wouldn't expect, the Funhaus crew informed a lot of my sensibilities. They taught me about comedy, they gave me different perspectives through which to the view the world, and, in a very real way, helped me navigate away from some of the online cesspools that I would have otherwise probably succumbed to. It was during this time that I also met the crew. I went to a PAX East Panel where I was front-row for the "De-pah-ted" gag over and over. Afterwards, we went to world's oddest meet-up location (a children's science museum) where everyone queued up to meet each person individually. Everyone was incredibly kind and funny. The next year the meet-up was smaller, but I trudged through the snow to stand in around the upper floor of a mall to chat with Lawrence and Peake. The next day Lawrence was MCing a competition and I won some free swag after beating some people in Jenga. (We never did figure out how to eliminate multiple people.) This was also around the time that I finally signed up for RT First, specifically to watch Arizona Circle on repeat.
It's around here that my Funhaus story takes a turn and it's really the reason I feel most compelled to apologize profusely to everyone that worked there. The pandemic hit me hard. In 2018, I was laid off from a job and spent six months unemployed with absolutely nothing. I was paying my rent on my credit card (among other things), and would buy my friends groceries on my cards to have them pay me cash so I could pay the minimums. I had to move across the country for a new job and I left everyone I ever knew behind except my wife. But for those first two years, I knew I had Funhaus to keep my spirits afloat. Then the lockdown. I fell behind on everything. I still remember the last video I watched all the way through. It was the murder mystery yacht video where everyone dressed up. For whatever reason, I just... stopped. Before I knew it, I was six months behind in my videos and then everything happened with Adam and I sort of just floated away.
I kept telling myself I would come back. I kept saying I could still catch up. But suddenly it was 2021, and then 2022, and I still hadn't watched a single video. I would see Reddit posts about how "I miss the old days" and "What's with this new cast", but whenever I would see a clip, I would laugh as hard as I always had. For whatever reason, I just couldn't come back and watch episodes. Toward the end of 2022, I was experiencing the lowest point I had in nearly a decade. I was extremely depressed and could barely focus on life. I decided then that I was going to restart at the beginning. I was going to watch the entire Funhaus catalog for a big, grandiose project that I would publish for their 8th anniversary in 2023. I made it about six months deep into the catalog before I succumbed to more despair. I had to take time off of work. Then, on April 25th 2023, I was laid off from my job. (I told you this day sucked.)
Fast forward to this year, and I'm realizing that I'm watching some of my absolute favorite people in the world present their last versions of themselves on stream on the one-year anniversary of me realizing I was jobless again. I cried all the way through that stream. James's speech at the end had me in absolute shambles. I almost still can't reconcile that this is all ending. I know that some people reading will probably think it's gauche to compare Funhaus ending with the death of a best friend and losing my own job, and I wouldn't necessarily hold that against them. It's funny how certain things link themselves in our minds. One of the hardest things to reconcile about losing Ryu was that I wouldn't be able to do certain things with him anymore. We couldn't watch the newest cours of anime, we couldn't talk about the fact that Bayonetta actually got a sequel, or that I finally managed to finish all of the Final Fantasy XI achievements before he did. In the same way, that feeling of missing out on the unknown future is what breaks me down to my core. It is highly likely that we'll never see all of those incredible people in the same room together in the same way, and the world is worse off because of it. That really applies to Rooster Teeth as a whole as well. I've always been more of a Funhaus fan that RT in general, but I really can't understate how incredible the talent at Funhaus always was.
I'm sure everyone wanted to, over the years, work at Funhaus because they liked the cast, or they thought being a YouTuber was a glamorous job. Some might even go so far as to say it was their dream to work there. I am one of those people. But, I literally mean it was my dream. For as long as I can remember, I have had extremely vivid dreams of just working at Funhaus. Not necessarily being on camera, not even like doing a gameplay. I mean I would dream about sitting down at a computer and getting instructions on how to edit a video. Or, I'd be interviewing for a position to intern/help out. I'd be in different offices throughout the years, answering emails, creating production schedules, just interfacing with everyone as if they were my co-workers. In fact, just this past Saturday I had one of these dreams. Probably from realizing that the 10th was everyone's actual last day. But I showed up, and talked to James about an edit on the "final video". We compared notes, and then him, Bruce, and Patrick all walked out together singing a Tenacious D song as they shut the doors to the studio. (Look, I didn't say they always made sense.)
Again, I know there's a certain level of, "You don't actually know these people," at play here. And I'll readily admit that we don't know each other from... uh.... Eve. But, that never mattered to me. Sure, I always thought, maybe if I could get a job there and prove myself that a natural camaraderie would develop like any good workplace. But that didn't matter to me as much as just being part of something. I ardently believe that the Funhaus crew are some of the most talented entertainers to ever put their likeness to video. In the same way, that someone might want to act alongside Tom Cruise or be in a Steven Spielberg movie, I wanted to work with Funhaus. In 2021, when I turned 30, I wrote down a list of "30 people in my 30s" that I had aspirations to do something with in terms of media creation. Despite not having watched them in some time, Funhaus was still top of my list.
So, I'm sorry. I'm truly deeply sorry. I'm sorry that I fell of watching the videos. (The grand tragic irony is that when I heard the news about the shutdown, I started watching the newest videos and was laughing just like old times.) That I wasn't there in the trenches when things were roughest. That I wasn't able to, in the only way a random viewer can, support the channel and the people within, in the same way y'all had (unknowingly) done for me for years prior. I know that a single view probably doesn't make a difference in the grand scheme of how thing shook out. But I can't help but feel some complicity in the declining view count. I know people move on from projects, or they morph over time, but I truly wished I could've tuned into the channel decades from now and still heard the comforting voices that had become so familiar.
I don't really have a great way to end this section of the post. If you've read through all of this it probably means you're either taking massive dump and you're hitting your second flush right now, or some of these sentiments resonate with you too. In either case, I thank you for affording me the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings here. I'm honestly not sure how fluid this will end up being, and my editor brain is telling me I should re-write about 90% of it. But it's now or never.
To any past/present/future Funhaus employee who might see this, thank you so much for all you've done for people over the past decade plus of entertaining. If I can oblige just a few more moments of your time, I wanted to speak directly to each of you as a final expression of my adoration and thankfulness.
u/fh_James - It's truly fitting that the first and final shots of film posted to the Funhaus channel are of you. It took me a while to truly understand how much of the backbone of the channel you were. Throughout the years, you always challenged the way I thought about comedy and how to make things funny. You were constantly one-upping yourself with the way you crafted your humor. This, coupled with your deep sincerity, loyalty, and strength of character always made me think you'd be the "last one out". Thank you so much for all of your work on Funhaus, thank you for Talking Stalkings, for Arizona Circle, and for everything else. Thank you for answering my tweet about a limited-time "Sonic Makeup line" that allowed me to enshrine myself in some small way in Funhaus lore. Your ending stream speech touched my heart deeply, and I hope that you are able to take some time to yourself before find the next big thing. (Obviously, steaks.) I still have hope that one day I'll be afforded the opportunity to work with you on something.
u/FH_Elyse - Thank you for bringing such a genuine warmth along with sharp, witty comedy to the channel. Funhaus would truly not be 1/10th what it was without your contributions. The characters, the off-scene work (the pony-tail clip is still hall of fame), and everything in between. I'm so happy you've branched out into doing creative writing work, and I hope you continue to find success there. I also want to thank you for being the only reason I could convince my wife to ever watch a Funhaus video. She adores you and thinks you're so funny. Having you come on finally allowed me to share a small part of Funhaus with her and for that I'll be forever grateful. I'd also be remiss to not include one of my favorite anecdotes. After you joined, we were talking and I mentioned that you and James were married, and my wife asked, "Which one is he again?" I pulled up a picture and she replies, "Oh, the hot one. That's my girl."
u/FHJacob - Funhaus's badboy the OG "editor". Thank you for all the years of hardwork you put into making the "Funhaus" style a thing of beauty. I was so happy when you started doing on-screen videos. Your absolute unabashed passion for different nerdy endeavors is truly infectious. The ending to Star Boys was incredible and watching you and Rahul quote the entirety of three movies at once another will always be something I treasure. One day, I hope you can school me on some Gundam lore.
u/FHBruce - I know you've moved on, but not only were you an integral part of my formative Funhaus experiences, but there's something I've always wanted to tell you. In your "Goodbye" video, there's a section where everyone is describing your management style and how you led the team during your run at FH. When that video dropped I immediately sent my manager at the time the section where Omar is talking about your leadership. That whole portion of the video I have maintained is how I think everyone should talk about their leaders, and is something that I strive to work towards in my own personal job currently. I know that is but the smallest window into your management style, but it's pushed me to be a better overall leader. So thank you.
u/rufhaus - Autumn, I'm not positive if you were ever technically "Funhaus" but I loved your stint on Inside Gaming and Sugar Pine 7, and I think you've more than enshrined yourself in the eternal codex of this channel. Very happy to continue to see you thriving, and obviously much congratulations to both you and Bruce for your child. I'm glad we all got to experience your talent throughout the years.
u/FH_Omar - Speaking of you Omar, thank you so much for everything you've done over the years at FH. I still remember the "Where in the World is Omar" bits on Open Haus, and learning that you were super into heavy music. I was like, "This dude has dope kicks AND can crowd kill. Let's absolutely go." I mentioned above that you talking about Bruce in his goodbye video was inspirational. In having watched all of the current "goodbye" content, and the way that everyone has talked about you since, I hope it's not too out of line to say that I think you've probably embodied those exact same principles in your leadership. Again, I have only what I'm seeing externally to go on, but from the way people talk about you, to the emotions you've worn on your sleeves during the shutdown, I believe that you're an awesome person to work for and with.
u/SirLarr - Lawrence, I should take a moment to apologize for ambushing you with what I'm sure was a very confusing story to hear at children's museum. "Hey dude you remind me of my dead friend so that's part of why I got into Funhaus," is maybe the worst first sentence I've ever spoken to someone in real life. So again, I'm terribly sorry. But I also want to say how awesome it was to watch all the stuff you did over the years at Funhaus. I know from still watching your content now that there's some level of grime that covers those years and they aren't the fondest to look back on. But I do think things like Time 2 Hakk, Quintessential Gamer, Hard Nettin' were such touchstones of Funhaus content that will live on forever. From an outside perspective, it seems like you're doing well, and I'm excited to keep seeing you on BYTT and IGv3(4?).
u/RyanRyanReddit - Ryan, my dude. I literally don't know if I could even adequately describe just how much you've made me laugh just by literally being you. I have a file in my notes app called "Real Life Stories" where I have a few words that trigger a specific memory from my life about some absurd happenstance that I found myself in. I feel like every time you tell a story, you're pulling from your own file like that but it's five thousand times longer and more interesting than mine. You're a supremely talented and funny dude and I'm so glad you were brought into Funhaus and ended up staying as long as you did. I hope to see you on Survivor 47/8/9! (I think I have Charlie for this season.)
u/hohnjolland - John, the perfect musical addition to the team. I'm so thankful for all of your awesome tunes, sick edits, and willingness to dive into the bit over the years. You brought an different vibe / flair to the videos you were in that always had me thinking, "Why is this dude the coolest person in the room." I've got my sub to Pour Choices Kitchen locked and loaded, and it has somewhat got me considering picking back up my own mantle "Chef Dude Jour" again. I hope that PCK is successful or you're able to explore other avenues as well. Also, I'm the guy from Gastonia that was in the chat. DM the location of that fish place in Lincolnton.
u/FH_Jon - Jon Deux. Man. I still remember when you first started appearing on videos. The chaotic energy, the commitment to bits, you've got some absolutely all-time classic FH moments under your belt. I'm super thankful that you got to be part of this crew and share your weirdness (complimentary) with the world. I know you put up the video a few months ago about your mental health, and I hope that things have gotten better. As someone who also struggles with depression, I know how devastating that can be sometimes. I truly wish the best for you man. Thanks for all the laughs.
u/linzbot - We're approaching territory where people were onboarding right as I fell off, but literally every single video I've seen since the announcement, not to mention your contributions to the streams has filled me with joy. I'm so glad you made the transition from Cow Chop to Funhaus, and, if there's nothing else I can say in adulation, it's that you blessed us with the absolutely perfect sign-off to something that meant so much to all of us. I had to pause at least a dozen times watching that documentary to cry, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. A truly stellar capstone to a truly stellar run.
u/mc_lotta / u/snackary__ / u/HandsomeMaster2 - It would be somewhat disingenuous of me to applaud the entirety of y'all's run at Funhaus because I, foolishly, missed so much of it. But what I do remember is how this trio absolutely crushed Inside Gaming, and how excited I was when I heard everyone had made the jump over to FH. Charlotte, your sardonic quips and joke delivery have always made me laugh. Patrick, I watched the entirety of the Demo Wheel run and I was amazed at how incredible a foil to James you were. Then, I watched a smattering of other content and realized you're the perfect foil in nearly every video. I'm so excited to see that both of you and Jacob have started up your goblin activities. Zach, I'm sorry I missed your true FH run. I was supremely stoked (and unfortunately subsequently saddened) as a fellow games industry person to see you rocking out on CoD socials. Hope you're doing well.
u/Gargarbinks - Brian! Screw it. Inside Gaming is basically Funhaus, so I'm including you here too. I've been watching you deliver gaming news for ages and I'm so thankful that you were part of this entire journey. Loved seeing you on Inside Games (legally distinct entity) and I hope the games industry never loses you. If anything, I know at least one other person who will freak out if Dragon Quest X makes it's way westward.
u/MadMattBT - No idea if you still peruse these parts or use Reddit anymore, but I just wanted to say, in addition to all the amazing work you put in as an editor, as well as the absolutely CLASSIC appearances as Hitman, thanks for being open about your faith and ideals while working at Funhaus. As someone who is also a Christian, it's always nice to see people who are comfortable enough in their beliefs to not only poke fun at themselves, but also embrace other viewpoints.
u/harmonygrits - Really getting into the archives now, Joel, I know your run on FH was short(ish), but I really did enjoy whenever you'd be involved with a video. The whimsical, but also oddly parental like vibe you brought to videos (despite your most well known meme maybe being liking something called "Unicum") were always a delight. Since then you've showcased your skills in for other content creators, and even now you've been giving away your fount of knowledge for free in some very interesting Medium articles. The industry itself might be in a worrisome state, but there's hope that people such as yourself will find a better path forward.
u/Spooleo - Spoole. The original "Goodbye" video. Thanks so much for all the laughs during that opening era of Funhaus. I'm not sure I ever agreed with the 1 Dollar 1 Hour premise, but it certainly made for some entertaining videos. And hey, your current gig ain't so bad itself, yeah?
u/charalanahzard - I was so supremely stoked when you first started showing up in videos because you fell so naturally into the format it was uncanny. I had enjoyed your games industry coverage up till then, so I thought I was getting the best of both worlds. So supremely thankful for your time at Funhaus and even now continuing the Deadly Premonition dreams alive and well on your stream. Not to mention the slate of podcast content you've been producing for some time now. As someone who is also hopeful to one day write for games, your journey has been inspiring. I hope to see your book come out as well! (If that's your goal!)
u/RahulKohli13 - Dunno if you consider yourself a Funhaus "member" or not, but given how much joy you've brought me through your involvement with their videos, it wouldn't feel right to not include you. Boyfriend videos, Sundered, Talking Stalkings, and everything in between, I couldn't be more thrilled that you were part of this journey. Also, selfishly, I miss you posting on Twitter. Those last few years were just great fun, but I understand why you left. I try to watch everything you're in. Mike Flannagan has an eternal fan because I just wanted to see more Rahul Kohli. You even reinvigorated my love and passion for football. YNWA. (I assume we just never talk about this season again, yeah?)
u/mandodoesstuff - Mando! Your Funhaus run is definitely in my personal time away from the channel, but one thing that consistently happened during that period was I would see clips with you in them and I would always, always laugh. I thought you were incredible during Last Laugh Season 2, and I've caught some of your RTP rebrand and subsequent Zazlav diss tracks. You're an incredibly funny and talented dude and I'm absolutely following Midnight Snack to see where the next thing takes you. (Yes, y'all should make a Patreon.)
u/filmDstryr / u/thenasacova / u/adambrouillard - So I couldn't find any of y'all's actual Reddit accounts, but these are your handles elsewhere so maybe this will work? For some reason the three of you are tied together in my mind as all having started at relatively the same time and were always the "Oh, there's Dan/Don/Bones!" excitement when you'd show up in a video. Dan, I loved your stuff on Filmhaus and Board as Hell, and I hope that Funhaus Avenue... I mean "Fhave" takes off. (Yes, I made that joke on Twitter already). Don, I still randomly quote "Michael Transactions" till this day. Just all-time incredible character work. Bones, I'll never get your insanely cool random nickname that's only used at Funhaus. To all three of you, thank you for your tireless efforts across all your time at the company, and for helping create some of my fondest memories.
u/therickreveche / u/ekombokom / u/HeyYoItsGabz - Rick, Justin, Gabs; first, I'm not positive if any of these accounts are actually y'all, so I apologize that I couldn't sleuth down your official accounts. Second, I completely missed the entirety of y'all's FH run and that sucks. Rick, I saw your work on the finale stream with the climax of what I assume to be an astoundingly good FH Wrestling show that I fully plan on watching in it's entirety. But I know that each of you contributed your talents, time, and effort to creating content on the channel and for that I'm forever grateful. I'm sure that as I (re)watch everything it will make me feel even more foolish for the time I missed out on.
I think that's every on camera person from the entire run. I've been writing for *checks clock* five hours now, so I'm going to feel like a real chump if there's some sort of glaring omission from this list. I also had originally wanted to see if I could track down a list of all the editors, interns, and other employees throughout the years that were either never on camera or only on there briefly, but I couldn't find a cohesive enough list that felt "right", so I'll just dedicate this final paragraph to everyone else that has ever contributed to this behemoth undertaking. No matter how "small" a part you may have played, it all worked toward a common pursuit that has impacted millions of people's lives over the course of a decade. I'm so thankful for everyone who ever walked through those doors and sat down to work on Funhaus.
Okay, this was even longer than I anticipated it being. If anyone has read this far, I just want to say... please get off the toilet. I'm sure your legs are asleep. If you're still taking a dump go see a doctor immediately, that's not normal. See ya!

I've been working with Prusa help for about a week to no success yet (shout out to them for being awesome though! Dominik, Douglas, and Sebastian I appreciate you guys), so I figured I'd see if anyone here had any ideas.
I'm trying to print these Printables Models. As you can see in the notes, no one has any issues with the cylindrical part.
I tried using a brand new Nextruder .4mm nozzle setup with brand new PETG and had issues. The purple filament is PLA. Then I tried turning off input shaper, all with no luck. Images here. The purple PLA benchy and black PETG test square both came out great, adding to the mystery. I've printed this cylinder about 6 times now with different configs and they all come out almost the same, except for a layer shift on one.
My setup is a MK4 that's been fantastic, just added an MMU3 when this problem started. I print in a makeshift enclosure that's been fantastic historically.
Prusa help has had me try all of the following.
-Clean nozzle
-Swap nozzle
-Help agent tried printing my exact bgcode on his printer in PETG and it came out perfectly (he even sent photos as proof)
-Check x belt tension (perfect at 86hz)
-Fan self check and RPM number at 100%
-Photos of my nozzle, heat block, and thermistor
-Swapped nozzle, heat block, and thermistor (.4mm diamond nozzle with V6 adapter)
-full printer self test
-IS off print
-Auto cold pulls with MMU disabled. Note on this one, the pulls kept coming out wrong, I did 5 pulls on 3 different nozzles (two .4mm, one .6mm) all of which I'm quite confident aren't clogged, and I tried cleaning. I'm wondering if maybe this is a MMU3 thing? Something about the changes you make to the nextruder setup/filament sensor etc? We couldn't get a cold pull to look good on any nozzle.
Anyone have any ideas at all on what's going wrong? Other things to test/try?
Thanks for the help!
Edit 1: Gonna try test printing some suggestions and I'll upload the results!
Edit 2: Test print 1 I couldn't start it until late last night, so I just did everything at once (bad test process...) That's disconnecting the MMU, painting seams away from the overhangs, and checked "avoid crossing curled overhangs" and it worked pretty well! There's still a few that curled weird, and the overall quality is fine but not great. I also had a dumb realization when I built and installed the MMU, I put a new table where my printer sits, so maybe this table is wobbling more than I realized? I'm going to run an standard file with the printer on the floor to eliminate that.
Edit 3: No dice... printer on the hardwood floor resulted in almost exactly the same poor quality print. Been drying my filament in my Sunlu S4 all day and will try a dried filament print tonight. Still no word from Prusa help since last Thursday when they said they'd email me though... is that typical? Anyone had issues with them just bailing on an issue with no word?
Edit 4: Still no luck. I've dried the filament and also I tried the custom printing fan duct from DerMeister7, but the print remains unchanged. Curls all around the overhangs preventing the inner cylinder from spinning as designed.
Edit 5: Worked with Prusa help some more and we tried a few more things with no success, including a 30% print speed run. They've said they're gonna get together and work on it more on their end to figure this out, because there's something weird going on. They're looking at this thread too, so thanks everyone for contributing!
Mad thanks to FergyMcFerguson and bobasaurus for trying to print versions of their own and sharing pics.

[Part 2]
My hands are shaking as I write this, I have to document my story incase something happens to me in the next few days. I'm not sure where to begin but I suppose here is better than anywhere.
I've always had this weird feeling, this sensation inside of me that I was older than I actually was. By the time I was twelve, my soul felt as though it was forty. By the time I reached twenty, I felt like an old woman. I would watch people around my age acting foolish, and I always thought, "What a bunch of children." So it was no surprise to anyone that when I turned twenty-one, I left my hometown and college and decided to spend the summer alone by renting an old farmhouse in an insignificant town on the edge of an even more insignificant border.
When I told my mother, she had a veritable fit, unable to find the words. She spluttered and raged around me for days before I finally left early one morning to avoid her guilt and frustration with my choices. I was not sure why I craved solitude at such a young age, why I found solace in being alone and removed from society.
In high school, I had changed unexpectedly, cutting my long blonde hair short and dying it black, getting piercings that my mother loathed and claimed no young lady should have. You see, my mother was raised proper, as she called it. Good family, good husband, and finally a good life. She despised her perfect life being squashed by my alternative looks and feelings of the same world. She just didn't understand me or the world as it changed around her. I felt like I was just a trophy to her and my father, her perfect angel who had been tainted by my own demented thoughts.
I never told my parents where I was staying, one last rebellious mission before leaving for a few months, and it took me only a few hours to arrive at the farmhouse where I would be staying for the next few months. The land around the farm was dead or dying, old crops rose out of the dry dusty earth and had turned black and forgotten, as if this land was the example of dreams long forgotten and empty. A single dreary lane connected this desolate farmhouse to the rest of the world. On the outside, it was drab and looked as though it would fall apart. It had two stories but still seemed cramped and small, as if it were a single floor tied to the ground.
Across from the house, bordering the tall weeds that had reclaimed much of the farmland, stood a maudlin-looking faded red barn, one door propped open in a dejected manner revealing naught to me but shadows, dust, and a little mystery.
Next to the barn, staked into the ground on an old-looking cross, was a ragged scarecrow. It had drab brown clothing, but its face was oddly realistic, like it was watching me with a disapproving manner. Straw poked through its joints at odd angles like they were trying to break free from their confines. The scarecrow obviously didn't do its job as it was covered in no less than three crows.
I parked my car next to the barn and stepped out into the dusty yard before the farmhouse that I would make my home for the next few months. I checked under the front mat for the key and put it in the lock.
With a satisfying click, the door fell inward into the farmhouse. Surprisingly, the inside of the farmhouse was modern, clean, and looked quite inviting. I could smell the fresh paint on the walls, and everything was so white. The realtor had told me she would stop by tomorrow to collect the rent, and she had tried to chat my ear off on the phone about all the renovations she and her son were doing on the place.
I sighed with contentment and tossed my bags beside the door. I dug around in my bag and removed my camera, my father's old film shooter as he called it. I had taken up the hobby years ago for what I called capturing the oddity in the world.
I explored the small house a little more; the ground floor consisted of a single room and small bathroom with a shower. The bedroom was upstairs and was the only room, the stairs connected directly to the white and pink monstrosity that was the master bedroom. The pillows had laces on them and almost made me gag from the cuteness. There was even cute white lace curtains on the window with little flowers stitched onto them.
Out of the only window of the room, I could see the barn and the scarecrow. I aimed my camera at the pair and snapped a photo. From this angle, the scarecrow appeared to be staring straight at me. It stood next to the left side of the barn in a dejected manner like a chastised child.
A shudder involuntarily ran through me at the sight, but I moved on back downstairs. It was getting close to dinner time now, and I had brought some food with me.
After a few minutes, I had my dinner on the stove cooking and the crickets chirping outside the open window. As I sat down to eat next to the window, I felt at peace for one of the first times in years. The solitude of this old farm was exactly what I needed. The window supplied a nice breeze that wafted through the place, it smelled of grass and warm summer nights, made me feel at peace. The simple dish of spaghetti with tomato sauce and a glass of wine was all that I needed right here, right now in this moment.
That night I climbed into the frilly laced bed and sunk into the claustrophobic mattress. I felt like Goldilocks in the mama bear's bed as it was altogether too soft. From my perfumed bed, I had a good view out the window. I had left the porch light on, and it cast an eerie glow across the yard. The barn loomed ominously, stalwart against the light of the porch, like it was protecting the shadows from the battering ram of light. The somber scarecrow leaned against the left side of the barn.
With a small jump, I thought I saw its arm move slightly. I peered through my camera using the zoom to get a better view of the scarecrow. It was completely still in the night, and I laughed quietly to myself at my silliness. I had always enjoyed horror movies, but there was no chance I was living in one. I settled back into bed and put my camera down. Within a few minutes, I fell into sleep's warm embrace.
What felt like only a few minutes later, I sat up in bed. It was still dark out, I could hear crickets chirping through the open window, and I strained my ears for a moment.
I thought something had woken me up. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine as a cold breeze wafted in through the window. I pulled the frilly blanket up around myself when I heard it. A thud sounded below me, shaking the whole world into silence. The crickets stopped chirping, and my heart felt like it had stopped beating. Someone was in the house. I hadn't locked the door or closed the kitchen window, and now someone was downstairs. A second thud sounded like a boot on the staircase. Then another and another as something was slowly moving up the stairs towards the room.
I don't know why I did it, but something came over me. I wasn't big or especially brave, but my normal cowardice in social situations changed instantly. With a dash, I tore across the room, flicking on the lights, ready to face my attacker, to defend myself against male or female. I would fight, and I would win.
But as the lights turned on, ready to strike with my foot, nothing was there. The staircase was empty, and upon further inspection, the entire house was empty. The kitchen window was open, and I shut and locked it securely before checking the door. Nothing. I sat down on the couch, my heart pounding out of my chest, as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.
"I must have still been half-asleep," I said aloud to the room in a thinly veiled attempt to calm my nerves. It failed horribly, but I went with it. What else could you do in a situation like that?
After locking up the house, I went back up to that frilly four-poster bed in the bedroom and stared out the window. Nothing was in the yard except my car, the barn, and the same old sad-looking scarecrow staring across the yard.
Day 2
The next morning, I woke up to the soft light filtering through the lace curtains. Despite the strange events of the previous night, I felt strangely refreshed, as if the morning sun had chased away the shadows that lingered in my mind.
I descended the stairs, the wooden steps creaking softly under my weight, and headed to the kitchen. As I brewed a pot of coffee, my mind wandered back to the events of last night. Was it just a figment of my imagination, or was there really someone in the house?
Shaking off the unease, I decided to explore the farmhouse in the daylight. I wandered through the room, admiring the modern renovations that clashed with the rustic exterior. The farmhouse had a charm to it, despite its eerie surroundings.
As I made my way outside, the cool morning air greeted me, and I took a deep breath, letting the serenity of the countryside wash over me. The barn stood tall against the backdrop of the morning sky, and the scarecrow seemed to watch me as I crossed the yard.
I approached the barn, curiosity getting the better of me. Pushing open the creaky door, I stepped inside, the musty scent of hay filling my nostrils. The interior was dimly lit, the sunlight filtering through the cracks in the wooden walls.
I explored every nook and cranny of the barn, but found nothing out of the ordinary. As I turned to leave, something caught my eye. In the corner of the barn, hidden beneath a pile of old blankets, was a small wooden chest.
My heart racing with anticipation, I lifted the lid of the trunk and peered inside. What I found took my breath away. It was a collection of old photographs, yellowed with age, depicting scenes from a bygone era. They were of a man with his family, two young kids, and a beautiful young wife. The man had yellow blonde hair, almost like straw in texture, but he smiled so happily with his family.
I sifted through the photographs, my fingers trembling with excitement. Who had left these behind, and why? Each photograph seemed to tell a story, a glimpse into the past of this forgotten farmhouse.
As I sat there, lost in thought, a sudden noise jolted me back to reality. It was the sound of footsteps coming from outside the barn.
"Hello?" The dreamy voice of a woman called to me from the entrance to the barn.
I slammed the lid of the trunk shut, closing the memories up in a flurry as I spun around to be greeted by a quite pretty woman with blonde hair and a pink suit skirt combo. She had bright pink lipstick, that seemed to be a permanent fixture on her face, and quite shiny and sparkly blue eye shadow on her lids. I myself only wore black eyeliner. This woman was like Barbie in her proportions, thin waist, long hair, and large tracts of land, as my father would have said.
"Oh, hello," I said simply, always awkward in normal social situations.
If she noticed anything odd about me, she breezed over it in an easy manner. Taking me by the shoulders, she led me out of the dusty barn and into the yard.
"You must be Polly. We have been waiting a while for you to come. I simply must know what you think of the renovations to the house. Aren’t they just to die for?" The lady said all in one breath, as if she didn’t need air to speak.
"Yes, they are quite nice..." I started before she cut me off, not in a rude manner but instead in one that she would have continued on even if I had just told her I was not Polly and instead I was a mass murderer looking for my next victim.
"You see, me and my son Eli—yes, Eli, you stop lurking in the shadows over there," she said, continuing on as I noticed a younger man leaning up against the barn. He wore simple clothes of jeans and a white t-shirt but had a handsome face. His hair was brown and hung slightly over his eyes.
"I hope you don’t mind if my son here continues working on some renovations while you stay here? Strictly on the outside of the house, mind you. A fresh coat of white paint would make this little beauty shine. We would have finished by now if not for the accidents," she continued, completely unabashed by my silence.
"Sorry. But you are the realtor?" I said, trying to regain my feet under me.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry, dear!" she said with an affable cackle.
"Yes, yes, I am Barbara, but all my friends call me Barb. That over there is Eli. Eli, come say hi," Barb said while her painted talons rested firmly on my shoulder.
Eli stomped over, keeping his eyes low, in a sort of moody way that actually intrigued me, sort of.
When he glanced up at me, I noticed he drank in me from head to toe, and for the first time, I realized what I was wearing. An old rock t-shirt of one of my favorite bands and, of all things, my black pajama bottoms with cartoon bats on them that said "happy halloween."
I felt my face blush crimson as he made eye contact with me. He had very mysterious eyes of blue that seemed to cut right through my soul.
"Nice shirt," he said while gesturing to me. His voice was quiet and uncertain, as if he didn’t get much practice with the art. Knowing his mother, it seemed highly accurate.
"Thanks. Do you like them?" I asked.
"Oh, he likes all sorts of things, don’t you, Eli? Honestly, you two can gab on forever. But miss, I believe we have a small matter of payment," Barb said, drawing the conversation back to herself.
"Of course. Let me go get it," I said as I went back into the house and retrieved the envelope with the rent money in it.
Barb grabbed the envelope in her bright pink talons and snapped a piece of bubblegum between her teeth. With quick fingers, she leafed through the cash, counting it. As she counted, her normal bubbly personality seemed to disappear, giving way to what I gleaned was her true thoughts and feelings before the facade slipped on once again.
"Mmkay, perfect honey, this is the right amount. Now you have my number, so you call if you need anything. Like I said earlier, Eli will stop by from time to time to work on painting the house. I promise you he won’t be an imposition, just pay him no mind," Barb said in a sweet voice as she popped her gum in between each word.
"Eli, come on, please, I have an appointment in town," Barb said to her son, and they both climbed into a garish pink convertible with jewels hanging from the mirror wrapped in a gold chain.
Barb waved one last time as she sped off out of the driveway, covering me in dust as she spun the wheel around.
With their departure, I went inside and retrieved my camera. I spent a few minutes shooting a few pictures I thought were worthy. I re-entered the barn and pulled the old trunk out into the sunshine. Inside was only a handful of photos, some old clothes, and what looked like some old heirlooms. A beautifully old candlestick and a few leather-bound books lay at the bottom, covered by an old tablecloth. The tablecloth was a nice white with intricate swirling patterns inlaid around the edges.
Why would these things be packed away in here? They were so beautiful. I decided to bring the stuff inside for further inspection. As I lifted the trunk, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw something move in the tall grass at the edge of the property. I stared for a minute, but nothing moved again. I must be getting jumpy being alone like this. After last night and then this, I was just imagining things.
I brought the items inside and spread them out. I put the tablecloth on the table, and it hung low to the ground. I placed the candlestick by the window and took out the photos again, spreading them out.
The photos told me a story of a loving family that obviously lived in the farmhouse before me. They had a photo next to the barn, with a brand new looking scarecrow in the back. The man even had his arm around it; it looked so much cleaner and proper in this photo. I stared outside at the sad-looking scarecrow.
I took my camera and the photo and went outside to stand next to the scarecrow. His post hung kind of crooked in the earth like it was weighed down by the scarecrow.
I snapped a photo of the scarecrow as it was, then examined the original photo. I began resettling the post in the ground, but it kept sagging. I decided to pull him out of the ground and move him while I added more dirt to his hole. With some effort, I reseated him into his original hole. He already looked better, but I straightened his clothes and pulled out the last bits of straw that stuck out of his clothes. When I was finished, I looked back at him and took a photo, smiling while I did so at my work.
I then spent some time sweeping the front porch and banging the dust out of the cushions before I curled up on a wicker chair with plump cushions for a few hours reading a book I had brought with me.
I felt quite content at this place. The sounds of the crickets began again, putting me at ease as the sun began to descend. I had spent the entire day just relaxing, and it was perfect. I sat sprawled out in the chair, too lazy to go and make dinner or even move. My bladder was full, but I waited until the last moment before dashing inside and relieving myself.
That's when I noticed it, out in the yard. It seemed as if the scarecrow had moved closer. Once shrouded by the barn slightly, it now had moved a few steps into the light from the porch. My heart dropped at the sight. Not again, I must be asleep on the porch in the chair. I pinched myself, trying to wake up, but all I received was a sore arm.
I closed my eyes, then rubbed them, hoping to dispel whatever plagued my mind, but when I opened my eyes, I noticed the scarecrow was even closer. Halfway across the yard now, it sat menacingly, hanging crooked in the dirt. The scarecrow seemed to be staring at me with an intense gaze. The slits in its face were open now, and in the porch light, I swear I could see human eyes underneath the mask.
I moved towards the front door, locking it in a swift motion. I was shaking now, and it took me a minute to relax. I never took my eyes off the scarecrow for fear of it moving again.
My cellphone was upstairs, so I couldn't flee without the scarecrow moving again. I breathed out slightly and unlocked the door, letting it swing in with a creak. The night outside was silent, as if everything was holding its breath. The usual crickets that plagued me with their song day and night had fallen quiet. I stepped out onto the porch; I needed to go confront this demonic entity. Something about this still made me think this was a prank.
"Eli, is that you?" I called out to the scarecrow.
No response, of course. I steeled myself and put one foot off the porch, never taking my eyes off the scarecrow before me. Something seemed to be dripping from its head as I approached, a dark slime that seemed to be melting from its joints as it stood there silently, except for the constant drip of the liquid on the dry dirt before me.
I walked around the scarecrow, determined to figure out what was going on. As I circled it, my vision darkened for a moment as I faced towards the light of the house. I jumped as the scarecrow's head turned to face me as I looked away. The black liquid drained faster from the being, forming a shallow pool at its feet.
I'm not proud of what I did next, but I fled, taking my eyes off the scarecrow. I made a mad dash for the farmhouse. Behind me, I could hear the pounding of feet. I screamed as loud as my lungs would let me. My voice rang through the silence as I grabbed the door handle and wrenched open the door as I felt a strong grip fall on my shoulder.
I turned to defend myself, but nothing was there. The scarecrow was gone, the wooden cross had vanished, as had the pool of dark liquid in the dirt. The world sprung back to life; the crickets began chirping loudly, and my heart restarted. I slammed the door, and the air from my force scattered the photographs on the table. I ran upstairs, leaving the lights on in the house, and dove onto the bed, wrapping myself in the frilly blanket like a set of frilly armor.
I snatched my camera from the bedside table and held it close, determined to document the rest of the night. I held it in shaking hands as the noise downstairs began—the sound of boots crossing the floor to the stairs and the careful but heavy steps of ascension as they climbed closer and closer to me.
This time, I didn't lunge forward as the light was already on. I glanced out the window, but the scarecrow was still gone. I focused my camera on the stairs and waited as the steps came closer and closer. A shape began to form as the head of whatever was coming up the stairs crested the floor. Then a plain brown mask with slits where the eyes would be. It froze for a moment, then slowly turned its head towards me. Inside the slits were human eyes that seemed to be leaking dark red blood.
In the light, I could see it now. I snapped a photo of the beast, the flash setting off a reaction in the beast. The scarecrow moved so fast up the stairs it was a blur. My scream echoed throughout the house as it lunged at me. Filthy hands pinned me down, and the deep crimson liquid began pouring out of every joint of the scarecrow. It began covering my face, my eyes, and getting into my open mouth. I spluttered and kicked at the beast, but my blows had no purchase, as if the scarecrow on top of me had no substance to itself.
I coughed and spluttered on the liquid as it began to fill my mouth faster and faster. I tried not to swallow any, but it tried to find purchase as I was held down.
"Polly?" A nervous voice called from below.
Suddenly, as if the angels had called, the pressure dissipated, and I crashed to the floor in a heap, trying to spit the blood out, but nothing came—it was gone. Footsteps pounded up the stairs again, and I flew back in fear, closing my eyes.
"Oh my god. Polly, are you okay?" A voice said, and gentle hands grabbed my arm.
My eyes shot open at the human touch, and I grabbed Eli into a tight hug, where I promptly began sobbing in fear, my whole body shaking as Eli awkwardly hugged me.
"Don't worry, it's going to be okay," Eli said patiently to me as he hugged me back gently and began stroking my back.
I shivered in a choking sob and fell into his arms, desperately wanting to believe him, and for some reason, I did.

Idk how can fill the gab between me and other. I'm feel so terrible alone. I can't connect to others and when I try to talk about it I feel like I just get more distance. I kind of know that this awful feeling can go away and everything will feel alright but ATM it's just not going away. For too long now I feel despair. We truly are alone and I can't deal with that. I'm missing out on everything. The ppl around me do like me but they definitely get quickly too much of me. I'm not mad for that I can understand. But I feel so alone I really don't know where to go anymore. Yesterday I talked to one of my friends and idk It just made everything worse. I'm lying in bed crying since then. I feel so misunderstood and non of my problems are seen. I feel like that's what I deserve. I'm a horrible person. I need to tell how I am really but no one wants to know that. I can't bear with the fact that maybe everyone has such a ugly side they all just hide their life's long.

Hallo zocken !
Ich versuche mal mein Glück hier, vielleicht hab ich ja mehr Erfolg hier.
Ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob's das Game überhaupt gibt. Aber vielleicht kennt es ja wer?
Könnte auch eine Mod für ein Spiel sein, bin mir da nicht mehr allzu sicher. Ist zu lange her.
​
Genre: Rennspiel mit Freeroam
Wann erschienen: C.a. 2000?
Konsole: PS1, PS2 oder PC
Grafik: Sehr bunt, ähnelt Midtown Madness 1 und 2.
​
Bei dem Spiel erinnere ich mich an zwei Maps.
​

1. San Francisco:

Ob's wirklich so hieß, keinen Schimmer. War sehr hell bunt bunt. Es gab eine knallrote Brücke, die direkt über das Meer führte. Das Meer und Land wurden durch eine Art Zaun abgegrenzt, auf dem Meer war ein braunes Containerschiff zu sehen. Mit einem Stunt (über eine Rampe o. Ä.?) konnte man draufspringen, man musste aber immer nach vorne und hinten fahren, um nicht durch den Boden zu glitchen und sterben. Es gab einen Todessound - war sehr komisch, ging c.a. 3-5 Sekunden und endete mit einer Art "Wusch" Geräusch.
Wenn man von der Brücke aus östlich fährt, kommt man zu einem gläsernen Hochhaus. Von da aus geht's nach rechts Richtung Parkhaus und "Werkstatt" (habe ich zumindest so genannt). Parkhaus war c.a. 2 Stockwerke hoch? Vom Parkhaus aus ging's Richtung Süden auf die Autobahn, die aber nur wieder zurück zur Brücke looped. In der Stadt gab es einige Häuser, die an einen Hang gebaut waren.
​

1. Freizeitpark:

Man kann es auch als "Fiebertraum" bezeichnen.
Die Map war düster und in Nebel gehüllt, und war grünlich. Vermutlich um das einfach Verlassen erscheinen zu lassen? Na ja. Ich erinnere mich an eine Art Geisterbahn in die man rein konnte, aber da gab es nur eine kurze Cutscene wo man nichts sah.
Abgesehen davon gab es ein Riesenrad am Rand. Direkt daneben, ein Zaun mit Gehege. Auf das Riesenrad kam man mit einem Sprung, aber wenn man runterfiel, fiel man in das Gehege. Direkt spielte der Todessound, und manchmal erschien dann aus einer hinteren Ecke (links, vielleicht?) ein riesiger Feuersalamander, der das Auto verschlang.

https://preview.redd.it/nemzp83272yc1.jpg?width=1366&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45eace0ce178dfbf95a2edeb7611a05e8f780d04

I am a 46 year old male (46/M). I was in a committed relationship with my high school sweetheart from the time I was 16 until about 3 years ago... so I am new to new relationships or new people. I was lucky enough to fall in love with another woman a relativity short time later (long story short... we both were getting divorces, happened to move into apartments across from each other, and both helped each other through difficult times). She is 49 (49/F). We have our ups and downs like anyone else but we normally get along great and I love our relationship. My hangup in general is most of the time if I have a feeling that she considers "Negative" then it gets turned around into something about me. This happens even if I approach it in a loving, caring, and non-confrontational way.
More specifically tonight we went to her granddaughter's dance recital. This granddaughter is a child from her 1st marriage (she has been married 3 times) and she has maintained a good relationship with this ex.... even to the point where he and his family would go on vacation with her and her new family. At the dance recital she ended up sitting with him on one side of her and me on the other side. I had brought some gummies to the recital and was sharing with everyone but she had it in her bag / purse. Since she had the gummies she was handing it out when people wanted it. When I, or anyone else, wanted some she would give them a handful. She was also keeping some in her palm, with out laid item, and when he ex wanted some she would just let him grab some from her palm. Later she laid her bag on her lap and put a pile on there that she was eating from and he also would reach into the bag that was on her lap and get his. He left about halfway through and she started holding hers in a closed fist. Afterwards we went to dinner with her daughter and granddaughter and a friend. We had a nice time. Everything was going ok. When we got home and it was just the 2 of us I asked if we could talk for a minute and if she would just try to listen and not get confrontational or mad. She said that she would. I told her I was not mad, upset, or hurt and that she had not done anything that I thought was wrong BUT that is made me a little uncomfortable her ex eating out of her hand and reaching into her lap to grab the gummies. I told her I know she wasn't looking at it like that but it was pretty weird for me. I also told her that I didn't know if it was uncomfortable because it was her ex or if it would have felt that way with any man. She instantly got mad and defensive (which is common) and said i am being ridiculous. She doesn't think anything about the hand and argues he wasn't reaching into her lap because the bag was on her lap. So my questions is.... am I being unreasonable for feeling that way? And how should I approach did like this? I can't seem to communicate without it being turned around into me being ridiculous instead of being about my feelings. This makes it go from a pretty minor thing in my eyes to me being mad or upset also.... not from the original issue but from the aftermath.
Also relevant - There was 1 instance where a female friend of hers (she has also become a new friend to me through her) started grabbing some M&M's from my hand as I ate them. She was not happy about that... and she is generally what I would consider very jealous and watchful of stuff like that. To be honest though I did not like her friend gabbing the stuff out of my hand either because I like my personal space and don't like people invading it. That particular friend though is very much like that as far as getting in people's space. When I brought up that incident, and tried to explain that I figured she would be able to understand considering that, then she got mad about me bringing that up. That throws a feeling of hypocrisy on the whole thing also.
Thank you for any input or insight.

What is this?

This is a weekly crowdfunding roundup of new projects launched last week and projects that end the coming week.

Google Docs

As an alternative format, the lists are now also available as a Google Docs found here: Weekly Crowdfunding Roundup

Updates

Expect new lists every Sunday between 00:00 and 23:59 CEST on the following platforms:
Mastodon: @danielpervan@mastodon.social
Discord: https://discord.gg/dN4P4PZcU9
Reddit: /boardgames

Selection criteria

The criteria for the lists are as follows:

Ending soon

• Sorted by number of backers
  
• Kickstarter projects ending in the next 7 days, that have at least 100 backers (or marked as "Project we love" by Kickstarter), will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and passed the filters:
  
  • No DnD books
  • No zines
  • No 3D printing
  • No dice sets
  • No magazines
  • No shirts
  • No playmats
  • No furniture
  • No events
• Gamefound projects ending in the next 7 days, that will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and passed the above filters.
  
• (beta) Backerkit Crowdfunding projects ending in the next 7 days, that will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and have a matching BGG page.
  

Newly launched

• Sorted by number of backers
  
• Kickstarter projects launched in the last 7 days, that have had at least average 15 backers per day, have at least 100 backers or is marked as "Project we love" by Kickstarter and passed the filters (see above).
  
• Gamefound projects launched in the last 7 days and passed the filters (see above).
  
• (beta) Backerkit Crowdfunding projects launched in the last 7 days and have a matching BGG page.
  

Notable filtered projects

• Filtered projects from above lists that have more than 1000 backers.

Tags

🎉: Staff pick/featured
💰: Funded
🔥: More than average 200 backers/day
🌱: Creator's first project
🌳: Creator's >5th project
🔄: Money back guarantee (Read more)

FAQ

I live in Honduras/Canada/Barbados/USA, why are you posting on a Saturday?!
Because I'm writing this from Europe in the future where it's already Sunday. Timezones be crazy.
Why are there a bunch of non-board games in the board game list?
Because the Tabletop games category on Kickstarter includes anything remotely related to board games and sometimes things slip through my filters.
Why is this future award winning board game and literal saviour of humanity missing from your list?
Sometimes my filters get a bit overzealous and discard actually valid projects. If you feel something is missing for this reason, leave a comment and I'll add it (maybe).
Can I donate all my money to you?
No
Can you help me promote my game?
Please no. I make lists. Nothing more.
Your list is full of errors and now my computer is making a weird noise!
Indeed, this fine piece of code runs purely on global warming, so anything can happen. Leave a comment and I'll see what I can do.

Ending soon (19)

Name	Description	Backers	Pledged	Ends	Information	Tags	BGG
Castles of Burgundy: Special Edition Reprint	The highly acclaimed Special Edition of one of the best Board Games is coming back to Gamefound! This edition offers a complete re-design of art and layout combined with high-quality components to improve in-game usability.	12601	$2,041,428.00 (10207%) in 12 days	2024-04-30	💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑4 players ⏱️ 100 min. Dice Game	💰🔥🌳
Tiny Epic Game of Thrones™	1-5*p 60m. COMPETE for the Iron Throne or COOPERATE against the Night King - Limited-Action Dice Selection, Multi-Use Cards, and Minis!	9429	$448,630.00 (748%) in 19 days	2024-05-01	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 18+ ⏱️ 45-60 min.	🎉💰🔥🌳	BGG
God of War: The Board Game	God of War: The Board Game is a cooperative dungeon crawler for 1-2 players (expandable to up to 4 with expansion) filled with epic fights and puzzles! It also features a unique combat and leveling system based on the bonding of characters and cooperation. Take on the role of Kratos and Atreus, fo…	3175	$456,675.24 (304%) in 11 days	2024-05-03	💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 60 min. Cooperative	💰🔥🌳	BGG
Mindbug Battlefruits	Ready to spice up your gaming experience? Join the ultimate food fight and experience the taste of sensation in the new card battler from Richard Garfield: Mindbug Battlefruits.	3118	€304,431.04 (1522%) in 12 days	2024-05-04	💸 Gamefound 👥 2‑4 players ⏱️ 15 min. Card Game Deck Building Cooperative	💰🔥
Mini Rogue - Season 2	Open the doors to the 2nd season of this celebrated roguelike solo/coop microgame! Will you overcome the new dangers ahead?	2739	€177,746.00 (1270%) in 12 days	2024-04-30	💸 Kickstarter	💰🔥🌳
Project L: Square One	A sequel to the smash hit engine-builder Project L, Square One introduces a new dimension to its mechanics — time.	1990	€103,156.00 (147%) in 5 days	2024-05-02	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🔥🌳
Bugsnax: The Card Game	Join your favorite Grumpuses in Bugsnax: The Card Game! An easy-to-play card game based on the hit video game.	1887	$62,741.00 (418%) in 27 days	2024-05-01	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰
Awkward Guests 2: The Berwick Cases	A deduction game that challenges you to solve the murder of one of the Berwick twins... and to orchestrate the murder of her sister.	1854	€59,711.00 (746%) in 27 days	2024-05-01	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰
Power Vacuum: the Treasonous Trick-Taking Game	Conspire, manipulate and scheme against other household appliances to claim absolute power for yourself!	1760	$82,382.00 (716%) in 19 days	2024-05-02	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑5 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 30-45 min.	🎉💰	BGG
The Eternaut - the board game	A 1-5 players survival board game set amidst an alien invasion in the heart of Buenos Aires.	1031	€102,536.00 (256%) in 19 days	2024-05-02	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 90-120 min.	🎉💰	BGG
Garden Geckos	A Puzzly Tile-laying Game of Geckos & Bugs in a Garden	769	CA$52,305.00 (476%) in 26 days	2024-05-01	💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑6 players 👶 8+ ⏱️ 20-45 min.	🎉💰🌳	BGG
Dragonbond: Lords of Vaala | Epics of Valerna	New narrative expansion for this action-programming miniatures game plus all previous ones. Play as dragon, hero, or dragonbonded team.	616	$62,150.00 (124%) in 19 days	2024-05-02	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🌳
Solace - Board Game	Solace is a mission based 1-5 co-op sci-fi game set in a world of immortals in which players are agents of a futuristic SWAT.	352	€15,105.00 (151%) in 19 days	2024-04-30	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 16+ ⏱️ 20-45 min.	🎉💰🌳	BGG
Cat Packs	Cherry pick the most magnificent gang of cats the world has ever seen!	209	€9,603.02 (192%) in 24 days	2024-05-02	💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑4 players 👶 8+ ⏱️ 30-45 min. Card Game	💰🌳	BGG
Dice of Steam	Roll the dice, lay the tracks and invest in train companies in this captivating roll and write, print and play strategy board game.	200	€2,981.00 (2981%) in 12 days	2024-05-01	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 12+ ⏱️ 30-60 min.	💰🌳	BGG
Mad Gardeners	Dive into a hectic garden brawl and claim the title as the Best Gardener in Gardenville!	174	DKK 158,654.00 (96%) in 58 days	2024-04-30	💸 Kickstarter	🌱
Same Different	The hilarious new party game where all you have to do is think SAME Different. Sounds easy, right?	149	€10,760.00 (108%) in 53 days	⚠️ 2024-04-28	💸 Kickstarter	💰🌱
The Family	The ultimate take that, drafting, secret identity, party game for 2-15 players!	109	$4,970.00 (99%) in 29 days	2024-04-30	💸 Kickstarter	🌱
Bon Appetit: The Card Game	A sizzling 2-5 player hand-management game with wild tricks. Cook to compete, finish first, and shout "Bon Appetit!"	107	$7,349.00 (175%) in 25 days	2024-05-03	💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑5 players 👶 13+ ⏱️ 5-20 min.	💰🌱	BGG

New this week (18)

Name	Description	Backers	Pledged	Ends	Information	Tags	BGG
Earth: Abundance Expansion	Enhance the rich gameplay of the award-winning board game Earth with new player interactions and opportunities to curate your hand.	9400	CA$913,519.00 (3205%) in 6 days	2024-05-08	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🔥🌳
Project L: Square One	A sequel to the smash hit engine-builder Project L, Square One introduces a new dimension to its mechanics — time.	1990	€103,156.00 (147%) in 5 days	2024-05-02	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🔥🌳
Black Sonata: Strange Shadows	The second expansion (and reprint) for Black Sonata, the award-winning solo game of hidden movement and deduction	1955	$34,354.00 (1145%) in 6 days	2024-05-17	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑2 players 👶 12+ ⏱️ 20-40 min.	💰🔥🌳	BGG
The Sixth Realm - A Heavy Euro Game	The Sixth Realm is a strategic euro game stuffed to the brim with combos, bonuses, engine building and interaction!	1833	$179,814.00 (450%) in 4 days	2024-05-15	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 90-180 min.	🎉💰🔥🌳	BGG
Corps of Discovery	Lewis & Clark ... and Monsters! The Ultimate Cooperative Deduction and Survival Game!	1583	CA$227,764.00 (456%) in 5 days	2024-05-14	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🔥🌳
Firesiege | Siege-themed board game for 1-4 players	Defend your citadel, rally your allies, defeat fearsome bosses and break the enemy siege in this epic tower-defense cooperative game!	469	€29,163.00 (194%) in 5 days	2024-05-14	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰
Dance of Muses - A Fascinating Pure Strategy Board Game	A competitive 2 to 4 players abstract game where you have to control the value of your dice by making the 9 Muses dance.	438	€18,102.00 (603%) in 5 days	2024-05-28	💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 8+ ⏱️ 10-20 min.	💰	BGG
Apistocracy	You're invited to make your season debut in a game that blends worker placement and trick-taking with the delights of Victorian London.	419	$36,917.00 (369%) in 5 days	2024-05-23	💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 12+ ⏱️ 40-80 min.	💰🌱	BGG
Picky Eaters: Ultimate Collection	A delectably devious game for 2-6 players.	330	$25,740.00 (515%) in 5 days	2024-05-23	💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑6 players 👶 8+ ⏱️ 20-40 min.	🎉💰	BGG
DragonStrike	Mount your Dragon and ride into aerial combat in this fast paced but deviously cunning Board Game, using beautiful pre-painted Dragons!	221	$43,570.00 (109%) in 5 days	2024-05-25	💸 Kickstarter	💰
BIOHAZARD - The Boardgame	An easy-to-learn, hard-to-master strategic boardgame where players manage resources to protect their regions from a biological pathogen	201	€18,429.00 (92%) in 5 days	2024-05-23	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 12+ ⏱️ 60-75 min.	🌱	BGG
Park Life 🇬🇧 🇩🇪 🇫🇷	Cozy trick-taking game. A celebration of public spaces and cute hedgehogs! 🦔🦔🦔	173	$5,457.00 (5457%) in 5 days	2024-05-22	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑5 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 15-30 min.	💰	BGG
Prowl: Clans & Cunning	Control the clans, seize the throne. A quick, competitive card game of scheming and intrigue.	157	SGD 4,142.00 (69%) in 4 days	2024-05-16	💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑5 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 15-25 min.		BGG
Paycheck to Billionaire: Board Game Meets Financial Freedom	Start with a Paycheck, Manage Daily Bills, Invest Smartly, from Startup to Business Empire. ----A Game Changer, not only in the Game.	149	$5,195.00 (104%) in 5 days	2024-05-23	💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑6 players 👶 8+ ⏱️ 20-60 min.	💰🌱	BGG
New Kingdom: Sowers	A strategic card game for 1-2 players inspired by the Parable of the Sower, designed by Scott Kabel, illustrated by Melissa Murakami.	117	$3,151.00 (131%) in 5 days	2024-05-11	💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑2 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 15-30 min.	💰	BGG
Bouba/Kiki + Stroop Reprint	Sights and sounds collide in this mind-bending cooperative communication party game - and a reprint of Stroop!	94	$2,821.00 (282%) in 5 days	2024-05-04	💸 Kickstarter	💰🌳
Battle Field Ops! Modern Miniatures Tactical Game System - Revised Edition	A modern tactical game system for 6mm / 1:285 scale models, suitable for 10mm, using 1-model to 1-unit scale. Platoon engagements play in an hour, Battalion-sized conflicts in several hours.	10	$2,564.00 (11%) in 3 days	2024-05-27	💸 Backerkit
WarpTable: Webcam Play Made Easy	WarpTable is a computer program that provides the physical immersion of playing hard copy games you already own using a webcam, your PC, and the internet so you can connect with your friends who are remote. This campaign will enable us to mature our desktop app into Early Access and then a launch! F…	1	$159.96 (5%) in 6 days	2024-05-06	💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑8 players Card Game Cooperative	🌱

Notable filtered projects (8)

Name	Description	Backers	Pledged	Ends	Information	Tags
The Field Guide to Floral Dragons	Welcome to the mysterious world of floral dragons, unusual and elusive creatures inspired by real-world plants & flowers.	9302	$844,447.00 (8444%) in 26 days	2024-05-02	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🔥🌳
Gardens of Ynn	A point-crawl roleplaying game adventure set in an ever-shifting extradimensional garden.	2362	£104,633.00 (1046%) in 25 days	2024-05-04	💸 Kickstarter	💰🌳
Lairs & Legends 2 - The Definitive 5e Resource Anthology	Embark on 30+ new 5e adventures. Battle over 100 new epic monsters. Overcome mind-bending challenges. Discover hidden treasures.	1666	$241,804.00 (2418%) in 26 days	2024-05-03	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰
Modular Filament Storage System	3D Printable Modular Filament Storage System	1539	$89,493.00 (1790%) in 5 days	2024-05-23	💸 Kickstarter	💰🔥
The Laundry Roleplaying Game	The award-winning RPG of cosmic horror, tech-driven magic, and occult spycraft returns! Based on ‘The Laundry Files’ by Charles Stross.	1271	€172,305.00 (862%) in 18 days	2024-05-01	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🌳
Secret Dragons: Epic New Playable Dragons for 5E and PF2	Unearth a secret hoard of brand new dragons for 5E and Pathfinder, perfect as both unforgettable adversaries and playable characters!	1256	$190,659.00 (953%) in 27 days	2024-05-02	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🌳
Richard Kane Ferguson's Playmat Collection	Extremely limited edition RKF extended artwork: Tutors, Force of Will and other classic and new Magic: the Gathering playmats & prints!	1128	$115,364.00 (933%) in 6 days	2024-05-22	💸 Kickstarter	🎉💰🌱
Nippon Saga	All-In-One 3D Printable STL Miniatures, Terrain for Wargames & Tabletop Games	1061	$59,363.00 (5936%) in 6 days	2024-05-03	💸 Kickstarter	💰🌳

Finishing up the last corpse from yesterday’s job, Morte decayed the bodies. Miles bounced downstairs as I was chucking my dirty gloves into the trash can, his body smashing into my legs. Dragging him over to the sink, he chatted my ears off as I washed my hands. Sliding off my white examiner’s coat, my rockabilly scarlet dress hugged my torso wonderfully while floating away from my hips in a lovely manner. Tugging on my worn leather gloves, Miles reached for me. Scooping him up with a big smile, his arms draped over my neck. Silent tears danced down my cheeks, memories of me holding my girls back then flashed in my mind. Sunlight danced over us, a rare moment of serenity coming over me. A golden envelope hitting my head snapped me back to reality, my brow cocking at the inconvenient summoning. Opening it up with my free hand, an unfamiliar name greeted me. Who the hell was Sorgona? Carrying him to the office, the piles had been organized into new filing cabinets. Tracing my fingers along the tops, the letters caught my eyes. Ripping open the drawer, the file I needed floated into the air. Catching it in my palm, Miles snuggled into me harder the moment we crashed into my worn leather chair. Flipping through the pages, her mother had been Medusa. Curiosity twinkled in my eyes at the prospect of a secret daughter, Morte letting himself in.
“Today is going to be us and us alone. Apparently our plans to hold the fort down fell through.” He mumbled bitterly, his hard expression softening in Miles’ direction. “Miles, we have to work but we will be back by dinner.” Shooting out a quick okay, one final squeeze had me stunned as he bounced into Cal’s arms. Thanking him silently, my fingers curled around the bag holding the half finished bunny. Tossing me my leather coat, his fingers drummed on the top of his scythe. Groaning as I rose to my feet, Morte noted my tears. Kissing the tears away, nothing needed to be said. Plucking the file from the desk, his elbow hooked around mine. Guiding me to the hearse, the door groaned open. Popping in, the door shutting back blew any loose strands of hair back. Clicking on my seat belt, my attention shifted to his bunny. Stitching away as he climbed into the hearse, his sad smile lingered on me as the engine roared to life.
“Why do you insist on torturing yourself by making him one? Bad memories will only haunt you.” He asked with pressed lips, his hand cupping mine. “Don’t shoot me for requesting this of you! Do you mind having another child with me after all of this madness is over?” Stunned by his words, his other hand fell onto my flat stomach.
“I don’t see why not. It would be nice to give them a little brother or sister.” I returned with a busted smile, his finger lifting up my chin. Kissing my lips tenderly, time slowed down. Our heartbeats drummed in our ears, the sounds rushing in the moment he ended his spell. Cupping my cheek, his lips grazed against my forehead. Rumbling forward, the needle moved swiftly in and out of the fabric. Humming to himself, songs from our time filled the hearse. Smiling softly to myself, a memory played out in my mind.
Staring down at my large bump, the candles burned bright as I continued to stitch the twins’ bunnies. Rubbing the rough gray wool, winter had an extra bite this year. Morte came in with a deer, his deep voice humming those same sweet notes. Setting the gutted deer on the table, his shadow danced along the wall. Kissing my bump feverishly, his wild hair was a far cry from his style today. Silent tears stained my cheeks, his lips moving. Torn by the lack of words hitting my ears, a loud ringing had my ears pinning back. Snakes hissed in the distance, the snakes seeming to be attached to a pale female head. Covering my eyes, a slinky dress brushed against my skin. Chills ran up my spin, scales meeting my paling face. Clammy sweat beaded on my brow, a gloved hand reaching down into my lap. Fingers snapping ripped her away, the scene fading out.
Sucking in a deep breath, a sleek outdoor club had music booming. A migraine throbbed to life, Morte seemed to have his arm deep within a leather bag. Tossing me the Gothic version of Jessica Rabbit’s dress, scarlet silk gloves dangled off of his palm. Climbing into the back to get changed, my previous outfit hit the floor of my hearse with a thud. Sliding on the new dress, two slits allowed my legs to move. Fussing with the low cut sweetheart neckline, my breasts were one wrong spin from falling out. Snatching my gloves from his hand, wonder mixed with shock at his designer scarlet suit. Yanking them on, bright neon lights flooded into the back the moment Morte ripped it open. Helping me out, his steady hands slid a garter up my right thigh. A magically hidden case caught my eyes as he dropped my dagger into it. Undoing my bun, perfect waves floated down my back. His fingers played with my hair. Tugging me close to his hips, hunger burned in his eyes. A throat cleared, Cloak appeared over our head in a lacy black body con dress. Black heels shimmered on her feet, her fingers pointing towards my beat up boots. Tossing me a scarlet pair of heels, a quiet fuck tumbled from my lips while my shaking hands exchanged the shoes. Digging the thin heel into the dirt, these damn things would be a hindrance. Draping her arms over my shoulders, her grin widened with true bliss.
“Don’t worry about my task. Like a good sister, I finished early. Let’s kick some ass.” She whispered gleefully in my ear, my eyes lingering on the nearly finished stuffed bunny. “Dang, that is so cute. Maybe you can make me a stuffed cat.” Hurt dimmed my eyes, her arms dropping to her side. Those stuffed animals held bittersweet memories, my hand waving around striking away any concern. Getting into line, demons and gods of all sorts were gabbing away around us. Staring into the sea of fairy lights and granite bars, statues lined the sea of colorful flowers. A tin roof hung over the important parts, the rest of the business seeming to be left in the open. A woman with a black silk head wrap and sparkling sunglasses made her way to the bar, her slender hands fussing with the slinky violet dress. Placing her hands on her hip, her creepy green lips curled to reveal snake fangs. Croak shifted uncomfortably behind me, her fingers digging into my arms. No fear showed in my eyes, this foul creature meeting me already. Donning a wicked grin, her slender fingers lifted up the velvet rope.
“Come on in, you crazy freaks!” She shouted with some sort of battle cry, everyone filing in. Burying ourselves into the crowd, the scents covered ours. Piling onto the marble dance floor, the three of us hid behind one of the many statues to avoid detection. Flashing through the images of the victims, shock rounded my eyes at the matching outfit. Yanking Morte down by the collar of his suit, scarlet painted my cheeks at how close she was. Pretending to kiss the nape of his neck, a deep crimson rose to his cheeks at how we looked.
“Is there any way to return humans back to normal or is this a way to free them with her death sort of solution?” I growled through gritted teeth with pure fury burning in my eyes, his shoulders shrugging. Wut popped up behind us, a sly grin twitching on his lips. Stifling a laugh, a glowing milk jug spun in his palm.
“While you two love birds were about to go at it, I am going to sprinkle the poor victims while you create a distraction.” He announced nonchalantly, my lips twitching into a wicked smirk. “Don’t give me that look.” Pushing us into the spotlight, daggers shot in my eyes in his direction. The music died down, Sorgona rising to her feet ominously, dirt crunching as I stumbled back. Tearing off her hair wrap, snakes hissed to life. The attendees disappeared in puffs of smoke and ribbons, the battle had been intentionally started. Flipping off Wut, the statues were becoming human once more. Kicking my dagger out of its case, a couple of kicks had the heels sliding across the dirt. So much for coming up with a plan, Croak disappearing from the corner of my eyes. Morte hit the dirt, a bleeding snake bite catching my eyes. Panic rounded my eyes, Wut picking up on the situation. Popping up next to me, his arms scooped up Morte.
“Don’t worry. He is in good hands with me.” He promised me while running off with victims. Mixed emotions had me paralyzed in my spot, his life force floating off of him. Silent tears stained my cheeks, Sorgona beginning to lift up her sunglasses. Raising my foot over my head, a shadowy ball built around my heel. Smashing it into the dirt, shadowy spikes burst from the ground. Wincing in pain, a dull crack announced my broken heel. Missing my boots, those things were fortified for my amplified strength. Limping behind a couple spikes, I lifted my blade enough to see where she was coming from. Violet eyes glowed in the distance, my shadow snakes slithering down my arms to my broken heel. Creating a makeshift boot, something else seemed off. Mirrors rose from the flower beds, Croak waving on top of one of my spikes. Skidding down, a couple of flips had her next to me. Bouncing her blade against her legs, her hot breath bathed my neck upon her leaning close to me. Watching our target in the reflection of my blade, the color drained from my face at how close she was getting.
“What do you need me to do, Love?” She inquired with a cheerful chuckle, her hand lingering on my shoulders. “Don’t worry your little head, dear. Wut probably has him cured by now.” Hoping that she was right, an idea had a Cheshire Cat Grin on my lips. Wicked laughter burst from my lips, bewilderment making Croak look incredibly innocent.
“Turn every single of these into a mirror for me.” I order simply, ready to take down the one who hurt my husband. “After that we get to kick ass. How about that for a blast, my dear?” Winking in my direction, one touch had the inky surface shifting into the clean sheen of mirrors. Storm clouds rumbled over my head, Madame Bone’s voice hitting my ears. Laying low for a minute, my arms buried Croak into a loose embrace. Perking our ears up, patience would be our winning strategy in this situation.
“How have you not killed her yet?” Madame Bone demanded venomously, a frustrated scream bursting from her lips. “Get on it or I will take your life!” Pushing her inches from us, time slowed down as she turned her head. Seconds from meeting my eyes, Croak blocked my way. Placing her arms out, violent sobs wracked my body as stone devoured her body. The mirrors shattered, shards of glass flying into my skin. Pushing through the pain, I needed to move. Darting around the spikes, glass buried itself into the bottom of my feet. A trail of blood gave me away, her snakes hissing not far from me. Searching for a mirror, the bathroom caught my eyes. Sprinting into the bathroom, a yelp flooded from my lips at the lock clicking on its own. Ripping the mirrors of the wall, my shadows moved to create a trap. Sinking into a puddle of shadows, the role of bait fell on me. The door flew open, the lights flickering with every click of her heels. My blade covered my eyes. Energy built in the air, my hair floating up.
“A statue is what you should be.” She hissed venomously, a glow shimmering over the edge of my blade. “Strike me like the monster you are!” Stepping back slowly, her footfalls followed me. Wicked laughter rumbled in my throat, a couple of stomps had the trap rising around her. Shrieking shrilly, her stone turning powers bounced off the ceiling. Sinking to my knees, I buried my head into palms. Waiting patiently for the shrieking to stop, the last one got drowned out in the groaning of stone devouring her. Rising to my feet, glass shattered across the floor the moment the mirrors dropped from my shadow’s grasp. Bracing myself for more acute pain, more glass embedded itself deeper with every footfall towards her. Pushing off the broken tile, a swift swing had her petrified form shattering into thousands of pieces. Using my hilt to grind each piece into dust, an icy breeze had the dust flying out the door. Madame Bone blocked the moonlight, another one of her spells trapping me in place. Terror mixed with defiance at her claws extending from her nails, her twins popping up behind her. Slicing off her head, inky blood painted my face. Whipping her blood off of their straight blades, the one in all pink with her pale pink blade sauntered towards the corpse. Crouching down to their mother, the color drained from my face at the sight of her slamming her fist into her chest. Ripping out her heart, Madame Bone’s head had tears pooling around it. Tearing it in half, her weak whimpers fell on deaf ears. The miniature version of Madame Bone scooped up her head, a toss had it floating through the air. Slicing it with her ivory blade, snow white lightning cooked it to dust. Kissing the silver rose hilt, her palm caught half of her mother’s heart. Choking it down, ruby eyes glistened with tears. Gripping her blade tighter, a layer of sweat glittered on her skin.
“Listen up, rookie. You will remember our names. I am Travaca and the dumb one in the pink is Salacia.” She introduced herself coldly, her steady heads fussing with her pristine ivory suit. Salacia hissed in her direction, her silky pink dress floating in a hot breeze. Twisting her silky gray hair around her fingers, her bangs did little to hide her cocked brow. Tugging on her sister's matching hair, my chance to escape was now. Backing up slowly, glass crunching gave my plan away. Snapping their heads in my direction, Salacia traced her silver rose hilt with a devious smile. How did the heart not affect her?
“Where are you going, sweetheart?” She giggled childishly, cocking her head back and forth. “Tavy, shall we cook her alive?” Flashing each other matching crazed grins, both of them lifting up their blades. Not understanding why they killed their mother, matching crow tattoos spoke of an alliance with the dark gods. Shit! When did they go over their mother’s head? Something felt off, my sword shrinking down to its dagger form. Time to go. I thought to myself, a puddle of shadows formed underneath me. Sinking into the floor, their swears were the last thing I heard. Rising up in the middle of a thick New England forest, the pain hit me. A loud fuck burst from my lips, my body collapsing onto a stump. Holding my dagger in my teeth, the next few hours of hell had me knee deep in plucking out pieces of glass after glass. Lifting up my dress, a thick silk liner would be good enough to wrap my feet. Dropping the dagger into my palm, a quick cut had two thick ribbons of fabric on my lap. Wrapping my feet, a knot secured them both. Struggling to my feet, a flash of blonde darted past me. A deranged demon was heading after who I believed to be Hel, my dagger bouncing off of my palm. Aiming for his heart, a flick of my wrist had the dagger smashing into the beating organ. Collapsing onto the dirt, Hel skidded to a stop. The body decayed to ash, her frightened expression upon seeing me sitting calmly. Snapping my fingers, my dagger whistled back into my eager palms. Dismay dimmed my eyes at the heart crumbling to ash. Smashing into me, she buried her head into my shoulder. Emotions soaked my shoulder, her nightmare of a mission flooding from her lips. From what I picked up, a nightmare demon latched itself onto her. Somehow she managed to wake up but the damn thing came with her. Too afraid to describe the nightmare in deep detail, an inkling told me that it had to do with her face. Lifting up her chin, tears dripped off of my hand.
“Did you happen to have a nightmare about your face?” I questioned cautiously, her darting eyes answering my question. “You look stunning to me. There is not a thing on your face that I would change.” Wiping away her tears, wails had her head buried into my shoulder once more. Holding her until the tears dried up, her body collapsed into my arms. Adjusting my feet with a grunt, a kick had my dagger back into its case. Placing her on my back, her arms draped around my neck amidst her slumber. Swiping the car keys from her pocket, they jingled in my fingers. Sending out my snakes to find my hearse, a few swift minutes passed. Slithering back to me, branches cracked underneath my feet. Wendigos of all sizes followed us to the hearse, their hooves began to walk away. Putting my hand in the air, a gift would make my presence a little less irritating. Laying Hel down in the hearse, the hollow eyes watched me fish around the glove box. Finding a bag of homemade tea leaves, their deer skulls turned in my direction. Walking up to the wendigos, my palms pressed together as I bowed. Pressing the bag of tea leaves into his palm, a grunt with visible breath announced his pleasure. Bowing in direction, he motioned towards my dagger’s case. Offering it to him, wonder brightened my eyes as his claws carved a symbol of protection.
“Thank you very much, you kind soul.” I chirped cheerfully, his hands pressing my case into my palms. Patting the top of my head, they lumbered back into the trees. Crashing into the driver’s seat, the seat belt clicking had Hel jumping awake. Embarrassment colored her cheeks, shame dimming her eyes. Laying her head on my lap, no words needed to be said. Turning the key, the engine rumbled to life. A numb look haunted her features, my fingers playing with her hair. Pulling up to the mansion, the others surrounded us the moment we limped in. Anxiety swelled in my chest, the myriad of voices driving my mind crazy. Every breath grew shorter, the room beginning to spin.
“Shut up!” I roared thunderously over the chaos, the floor groaning as everyone took a step back. “We have two new problems. Madame Bone’s twins murdered their mother for the dark gods. They are our new target. Leave me alone to th-” My three adopted children pushed their way through the crowd, all three tiny bodies smashing into my legs. Getting down on their level, Miles pointed to the blood pooling around my feet.
“What happened, Mommy?” He questioned innocently, the word Mommy breaking me. Violent sobs wracked my body, a quiet concern dimming the others’ smiles. Choking down the pain, everything hit me at once. How long has it been since a kid spoke such words? Cupping my face, Miles cute thumbs wiped away my tears.
“You took me out of the darkness and will forever be called my mommy.” He demanded sternly, kissing my forehead. “You can’t change a darn thing about it.” My girls hugged me from my sides, both of them saying the same thing. Morte ruffled their heads, his arms scooping me up. Carrying me to our bedroom, Cal asked the kids to make something special for me. Sitting me down on the bed, a grimace twisted his features that infected cuts on the bottom of my feet. Pulling out a milky liquid from his dress boots, he poured the liquid over my feet. Wincing at sharp jolts of agony, the wounds began to seal shut. Plopping onto the bed next to me, he buried my face into his shoulder.
“You don’t have to say a word but I am equally happy but sad that he called you his mommy. Please give him a chance.” Morte pleaded lovingly, his jacket soaking up my emotions. “Sleep.” Exhaustion hung on my eyelids, sweet slumber stealing me away.

Odysee @ Orffyreus
Beta v1, not yet tested after improvements were made to Alpha v2. So now we have THREE printable frame variants dropping this week.
Ejector has to be cut off at the bottom of the notch (picture included in zip file on the sea), but otherwise takes a complete Tec-9 parts kit (any variant with threaded rear cap on upper), 1/4-20x1.5" or 1/4-28x1.5" bolt and nut, and AR grip of your choice. You can also thread for a standard AR grip screw, but capturing it with a nut is more sturdy. All pin/screw holes need to be chased with a drill bit of appropriate diameter per pin (1/4" and 5/32", roughly).
Kudos to Free Men for GAB-10 as my baseline for this remix.

Es ist eine relativ belanglose Geschichte, aber einer der wenigen Erinnerungen die ich an die Grundschule habe und vor allem eine der einzigen Positiven. Weswegen ich sie einfach mal erzählen wollte.
In der Vierten Klasse haben wir zum Abschluss irgendein Event gehabt. Ich kann mich an die genauen Details nicht erinnern, aber tut ja auch nicht zur Sache.
Dort gab es auch diverse Überraschungen, die ein Geheimniss sein sollte. Da natürlich auch Eltern das Event mitorganisiert haben und ein Elternteil nicht ganz so ruhig war und ich mit diesen Kind befreundet war, wusste ich bereits dass ein Eiswagen und eine Hüpfburg geplant waren.
Der Klassenkamerad hat vorher Geleakt dass eine Hüpfburg organisiert wurde, weswegen die Klassenlehrerin schon recht angepisst war.
Ich wusste von den Eiswagen.
Bei einen Vorbereitungsgespräch sagte sie, dass wir uns keine sorgen machen brauchen, da es nicht nur eine Hüpfburg gibt.
Ich schrie anschließend "Es gibt auch einen Eiswagen!!!" und lachte dabei. Daraufhin wurde ich rausgeschickt und war schon sehr Mad.
Als ich wieder gekommen bin, habe ich mich gemeldet und gefragt wieso ich rausgeworfen wurde. Mir wurde erklärt dass ich anderen die Überraschung genommen habe. Ich entgegnete dem in einen sehr überraschten und freudigen Ton "Was? Ich habe nur Spass gemacht. Es gibt wirklich einen Eiswagen????!"
Daraufhin wurde die Lehrerin knallrot und wusste nicht was sie sagen sollte.
Wie gesagt. Sehr Belanglos aber für mich eine gute Erinnerung

Alright. . . First time using Reddit as more than a passive observer. Let's get this show on the road. First things first, the core idea of this class is to mimic the fantasy of playing as Marvel's Gambit or League's Twisted Fate while incorporating a deck of cards as a core game mechanic.
Secondly this is a prototype where I am looking for critiques and advice on how to flesh it out further. I have played a character using the Hand of Hearts Subclass at level 6, so in theory it is fully playable in its current state, however there are some drawbacks I was hoping a larger community than my local gaming table would be able to provide some feedback. (Apologies if this is improper use)
With that, I present to you, the Card Master
The Card Master Class
While cleric's have their gods, wizards their intelligence, sorcerer's their mastery, and warlocks their patrons, the Card Master is far closer to the Bard then all others, save they draw the magic from the fate and luck of the mundane world around them, the flip of a card, the roll of a dice, the spin of a wheel, luck and skill guide the Card Master.
Hit Points
Hit Dice: 1d6 per Card Master level
Hit Points at 1st Level: 6 + your Constitution modifier
Hit Points at Higher Levels: 1d6 (or 4) + your Constitution modifier per Card Master level after 1st
Starting Proficiencies
You are proficient with the following items, in addition to any Proficiencies provided by your race or BACKGROUND.
Armor: None
Weapons: simple Weapons, hand crossbows, rapiers, shortswords
Gaming sets: Dice Set, Playing Card Set
Saving Throws: Dexterity, Charisma
Skills: any two from Slight of Hand, Deception, Persuasion, Performance, Stealth, or Acrobatics
Level Progression:
Standard Full Castor Spell Slots
Standard Proficiency Bonus
Known Cantrips:
Levels 1-3: 2
Levels 4-9: 3
Levels 10-20: 4

Level	Feature
1	Magical Cards, Card Shark
2	Hand You're Dealt
3	Favored Hand, Jack Card Effects
4	Ability Score Improvement
5	Queen Card Effects
6	Favored Hand Feature
7	King Card Effects
8	Ability Score Improvement
9	Uncanny Dodge****1
10	Ace Card Effects, Luck of the Draw
11	Nothing
12	Ability Score Improvement
13	Nothing
14	Favored Hand Feature
15	Nothing
16	Ability Score Improvement
17	Nothing
18	Hand of the Dealer
19	Ability Score Improvement
20	Joker's in the Hand

¹ I am unhappy currently with using another class's ability. What I would like is some sort of ability that ties into agility and mobility. Open to ideas.
Magical deck
(This class requires the use of a 52-54 card deck of playing cards.)
The Card Master has access to a magical deck of cards. These cards act as a magical focus for the card master and are used for casting their spells and for their Magical Cards ability. Cards consumed by spells and Magical Cards are returned to the deck at the end of a short rest. After a short or long rest, the deck must be shuffled
Card Shark
You have advantage on sleight of hand and deception checks made using card or dice sets.
Magical Cards
You may make a magic ranged attack 60ft range throwing the top card (Draw the top card of your deck) of your deck to deal deal 1d8 damage. The damage type is based on the suite of the card. At 5th level this increases to 2d8, 3d8 at 11th, and 4d8 at 17th

Suite	Damage
♣ Club	Thunder
♥ Heart	Fire
♦ Diamond	Cold
♠ Spade	Necrotic

If the card is a face card, apply the face card’s special effect.

• Jack Starting at 3rd level Add an additional 1d6, increasing to 2d6 at 11th, 3d6 at 17th to the damage roll of this spell or magical card attack
• Queen Starting at 5th level as a bonus action this turn, you can instantly teleport up to 30 feet away to an unoccupied space.
• King Starting at 8th Level The spell activates as normal. You get an d8 inspiration die that lasts for one minute. During that time, you can use the die to add the roll to any ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. The inspiration die disappears when you use it or when a minute has passed. The dice increases to a d10 at 10th level, d12 at 15th
• Ace You may add your charisma modifier to the damage. Starting at 10th Level If using a spell that targets an opponent, you have advantage on the attack roll. If the spell requires a saving throw, the creature has disadvantage on the saving throw. If a healing spell was cast, it restores the maximum number of hit points. Any other effect of the spell occurs as normal.

Hand You’re Dealt
After the end of a short rest, draw the top cards of your deck equal to your proficiency modifier + 1 When you cast a spell or instead of discarding a card with Magical Cards, you may instead play a card from your hand, changing the damage type of the spell or Magical card to match the suit of the card. If you use a card from your hand while casting a spell, you may gain the effect of the card used.
Luck of the Draw
When drawing for Magical Cards you may choose to discard the card drawn and draw another card using that card instead. You may use this feature up to your charisma modifier per long rest.
Hand of the Dealer
Starting at 18th level, when you draw for Hand You’re Dealt, you may discard the entire hand and draw again, you must keep the second hand.
Jokers in the Hand
You gain access to two joker cards which can be used to place the card of your choice at the top of your deck or into your hand. Once used, you may not use a joker until you've finished a long rest.
Favored Hand (Subclass)
Starting at 3rd level you may choose your Favored Hand
The idea with the subclass is to focus around a specific suite, making spells and Magical Cards effects better with that suite. Additionally, add one 'lucky card' that has additional effects when it is used.
Hand of Clubs
Clubs represent the path of power and combat
Marked Cards
Starting at level 3, when you discard club as part of Hand You’re Dealt or Magical Cards, you may reroll one damage dice rolled as part of the attack if it is a damaging spell, you must use the second result.
Re-deal
Additionally at third level if you fail a saving throw or ability check for constitution, strength, or dexterity, you may use a reaction, you may discard the top card of your deck or play a card from Hand You’re Dealt. If the card is a club you may reroll the saving throw, taking the second dice roll. If you rolled the previous roll with advantage, you must still choose the rerolled dice as the final result. You may use this feature up to charisma modifier (minimum 1).
Cardslinger
Starting at 6th Level when you make an attack with Magical Cards or cast a spell as an action, you may make an additional attack with Magical Cards.
Lucky Card: Jack of Clubs
Starting at 14th level when you play the Jack of Clubs either with Magical Cards or Hand You’re Dealt, you may double the number of dice rolled with the Jack of Clubs. Once you play the Jack of Clubs you may shuffle the Jack of Clubs back into your deck. You may do this a number of times up to your charisma modifier per long rest.
Hand of Diamonds
Diamonds represent the path of fortune and luck
High Stakes Game
Starting at third level, when you roll a natural 20 on an attack roll, saving throw, or ability check, you may immediately draw an additional card to your Hand You’re Dealt. When you roll a natural 1 on an attack roll, saving throw, or ability check, you must discard a card from your hand Hand You’re Dealt. You may hold two additional cards in Hand You’re Dealt.
Opening Lead
Starting at third level when rolling for initiative, you may discard a diamond from Hand You’re Dealt to add a d6 to the roll.
Diamond Flush
Starting at Sixth level when you roll an attack roll, saving throw, or ability check you may discard two diamonds from your hand to roll an additional d20 after you roll the die, but before the outcome is determined. You choose which of the d20s is used for the attack roll, ability check, or saving throw. You may use this feature up to charisma modifier (minimum 1).
Lucky Card: King of Diamonds
Starting at 14th level, when you play the King of Diamonds either with Magical Cards or Hand You’re Dealt as part of a spell, you may draw two cards and add them to Hand You’re Dealt.
Additionally, you may hold two additional cards in Hand You’re Dealt.
Once you play the King of Diamonds you may shuffle the King of Diamonds back into your deck. You may do this a number of times up to your charisma modifier per long rest.
Hand of Hearts
Hearts represent the path of healing and seduction
Shoot the Moon
Starting at level 3, when you discard heart as part of Hand You’re Dealt or Magical Cards, you may target a creature within 30 ft. granting them temporary hit points equal to 1d6 + your charisma modifier. This increases to 2d6 at 10th level. You may use this feature up to your proficiency modifier per long rest.
Bleeding Hearts
Additionally at third level, as part of casting a spell that would charm a creature, if you discarded a heart from Hand You’re Dealt, you may give a creature disadvantage on saving throws against being charmed. You may use this feature up to charisma modifier (minimum 1).
As a reaction you may discard a heart from Hand You’re Dealt to reroll a saving throw against being charmed taking the second dice roll. If you rolled the previous roll with advantage, you must still choose the rerolled dice as the final result. You may use this feature up to charisma modifier (minimum 1).
The Love of the Lady
Starting at 6th level, when you use a healing spell, you may discard a card from Hand You’re Dealt or discard the top card of your deck. If the card is a heart, you may add the value half the value of the card to the healing of the spell.
Lucky Card: Queen of Hearts
Starting at 14th level, when you play the Queen of Hearts either with Magical Cards or Hand You’re Dealt as part of a spell, a number of creatures within 30ft up to your charisma modifier may use the Queen of Heart’s ability as a reaction. Each creature, whether they move with the Queen of Hearts ability or not, may gain 2d6 + your charisma modifier temporary hit points. Once you play the Queen of Hearts you may shuffle the Queen of Hearts back into your deck. You may do this a number of times up to your charisma modifier per long rest.
Hand of Spades
Spades represents the path of intelligence and spellcasting
The Blind
You're proficiency with spellcasting through your cards has expanded to the point where you can imbue cards with the very nature of a spell. Starting at third level once per day, at the end of a short or long rest, you may take 15 minutes to set aside a number of Spades cards from your hand, choosing which spell to imbue the card with, once chosen the card may only be used to cast the chosen spell. The spell must have a casting time of an action, reaction, or bonus action and the combined number of spells slots of the chosen spells must be equal to or less then half of your Card Master Class level and may not be greater than 5th level. On your turn, you may choose to use these cards to cast the selected spell without expending a spell slot. These count against the cards you may have in Hand You're Dealt until they are used. You may only use this feature once per day.
Trump
Starting at third level you may discard a spade from the hand your dealt to add half of the face value of the card to an intelligence or wisdom saving throw or ability check after the dice is rolled but before the outcome is determined. Face cards are considered to have a face value of 10
Taking the Trick
Starting at 6th level, When you cast a spell using the Blind, you may draw a card and add it to Hand You're Dealt.
Lucky Card: Ace of Spades
Starting at 14th level, when you play the ace of spades as part of the Blind, you may use it's effect on your next cast or attack or spell you may then immediately shuffle the ace of spades into your deck.
When you play the ace of spades as part of the hand you're dealt or as part of Magical Cards you may shuffle the ace of spades back into your deck. You may do this a number of times up to your charisma modifier per long rest.
Additional Commentary: I appreciate any and all constructive feedback. This is a work in progress. I am aware this is not an original idea, but I do hope I have a fairly unique take on this idea.
Here are the proposed changes I am undecided on:
V0.3 proposed changes
Biggest issue: the class is built around luck and having powerful cards.
General class changes:
Buff: Magical Cards buff from 1d8 to 1d10
Brings the magical cards cantrip on par with other damaging cantrips like Eldritch blast and Firebolt.
Nerf: by giving solid damage cantrip for free, the number of known cantrips should be reduced by one across the board. Or, the damage cantrip options should be none
Hand of Clubs:
Marked Cards
From reroll one dice from spell or magical cards to:
When a non-club is discarded, you may reroll one dice.
When a club is discarded, you may reroll a number of dice once up to your charisma modifier on a spell or magical attack roll.
Preliminary Spell List:
This is a spell list containing all possible spells I felt might fit. - added 04-21-2024.
Card Master spell list
Cantrips
Acid Splash
Chill Touch
Control Flames
Dancing Lights
Fire Bolt
Friends
Frostbite
Light
Lightning Lure (?)
Mage Hand
Mending
Mind Sliver
Minor Illusion
Poison Spray
Produce Flame
Ray of Frost
1st Level
Bane
Catapult
Charm Person
Color Spray
Cure Wounds
Expeditious retreat
Detect Magic (?)
Detect Poison and disease (?)
Disguise Self
Dissonant Whispers
Distort Value
Faerie Fire
Feather Fall
Healing Word
Identify (?)
Illusory script
Mage Armor
Magic Missile
Magnify Gravity
Ray of Sickness
Shield
Silent Image
Silvery Barbs
Sleep
Snare
Thunderwave
2nd Level
Aganazzar’s Scorcher
Alter Self
Blindness/Deafness
Blur
Calm Emotions
Cloud of Daggers
Crown of Madness
Detect Thoughts
Enhance Ability
Enthral
Fortune’s Favor
Gift of Gab
Heat Metal
Invisibility
Lesser Restoration
Misty Step
Mirror Image
Pyrotechnics
Rope Trick
Shatter
Silence
Spider Climb
Spray of Cards
Suggestion
Zone of Truth
3rd Level
Blink
Counterspell
Fast Friends
Fear
Dispel Magic
Fireball
Haste
Major Image
Mass Healing Word
Slow
Thunder Step
Wind Wall
4th Level
Banishment
Blight
Charm Monster
Compulsion
Confusion
Dimension Door
Freedom of Movement
Hallucinatory Terrain
Polymorph
5th Level
Bigby’s Hand
Cloudkill
Cone of Cold
Dominate Person
Far Step
Greater Restoration
Modify Memory
Seeming
Telekinesis
Skill Empowerment
Synaptic Static
Scrying
Mislead
6th Level
Chain Lightning
Disintegrate
Eyebite
Harm
Heal
Mass Suggestion
Scatter
7th Level
Delayed Blast Fireball
Mirage Arcane
Power Word: Pain
Prismatic Spray
Project Image
8th Level
Dominate Monster
Telepathy
Power Word: Stun
Feeble Mind
Glibness
9th Level
Power Word Heal
Psychic Scream
Power Word Kill
Weird

My body burning, my breathing getting heavy, and my legs screaming at me to stop. But I decided to not listen to my body and continue pushing forward to run and run until I made it. Because I knew very well that if I stop it, they're gonna catch me. And return me to my prison that they call my room. Who was I running away from? Who were my chasers?
A pack of wolf spirits who are members of the Keiga yakuza family. A bunch of wolf-like creatures with cowgirl getup. something similar to what their boss wears, Saki Kurokoma. Oh how I simply wanted to get away from her and never see her again. She was nothing more than a brute to me, an impulsive beast, who doesn’t listen to reason.
“Stop !!!! Don’t let him escape!! or else the boss is gonna kill us!!!!” I heard one of the spirits yell right behind me, if I could hear their voice, that means they were close by. Which simply encouraged me to run even faster, besides all my wasted energy that I already spent a while ago, I didn’t care if I was panting and gasping for air. I’m just hoping that all this pain that I was pushing through will pay off if I escape. Thoughts of freedom were all that I can think of to motivate me to continue moving on and keep running, making sure to not look back. It will pay off, I can do this, I can do this. I said to myself in my mind.
“Got ya “ soon my brain of thought was interrupted when one of Keiga wolves was in front of me, spreading her arms to catch me in her graphs. But because of my adrenaline and momentum, I use her as a stepping stool, by jumping over her body and stepping her face to push myself further forward to the direction that I was hoping to be the freedom that I was finding. Sadly, it was soon cut off when one of the wolves tackled me to the ground.
“ idiot, you forgot that some of us can fly!” She yelled at my face, I tried my best to push her away while the rest of her pack was slowly getting closer to me” tangle him already!!!” She yelled, and out of desperation I gave her a knee to her chin. luckily enough my knee was underneath her chin, which made it easier to strike, and push her way to give me some space to stand up.
But now I was surrounded by the Keiga Wolves, surrounding me in a circle to block any type of escape that I could take, and I noticed that some of them have lassos on their hands. It doesn't take no rocket science to know that it was to restrain me. Out of desperation and fear, I quickly raise my hands up in a fighting position taking the stance of a Muay Thai posture, which was the only weapon I have with me, and hope for the best it was enough for me to use against this scenario, we can all dream, and try.
I throw a punch, knee, kick and any other attack that instinctively comes when any of the wolf spirits come close to me. Surprisingly I was pretty strong and managed to push them away enough, But sadly I was still surrounded in a circle by these absent minded dogs. But besides that I still have hope that I can still receive my freedom, even if it means beating them all to a bloody mess. But out of nowhere in the corner of my eye was someone pulling a revolver at me, but luckily enough before she could pull the trigger, one of her pack members quickly shoved the revolver up to the air, missing its shot, and shooting the sky instead.
“Are you a freaking idiot!? The boss wants him alive !! Kill him and she’ll be pissed!! “ I couldn’t help, but smile at their restraint. I don’t know if this situation might make it harder for them to catch me, but all I know is that I can take this as an advantage. With my Martial skill I really thought I could escape and hopefully beat them all up, but Sadly I heard a familiar voice.
“ that’s enough, you have your fun, it’s time to stop” soon another canine shove herself in front of me, I knew very well who this dog was, Enoko Mitsugashira one of the right hand woman of Saki, second in command of the wolf spirits
“ Just come with us, make this easy for you and me” she said with a somewhat sad look in her eyes, almost saying that she doesn't want to do this. All I could do was simply stare her with anticipation, like a snake getting ready to bite
“You know very well I won't do That, I won't go back to that damn ratchet place, I don't even want to see that damn beast !!!” I said with emotion getting ready for her reply.
“ don't say that, we care about you, she cares about you, your important to our fam–”
“ Shut up !! Don't give me that damn bullshit, you think I'm really stupid if I believe those lies again!!!! Every single word that comes from your Freaking mouth is nothing but sweet words of lies!! “ I scream out of anger almost like I was about to cry, all I ever wanted to do is escape this filthy place called the animal realm. All I want to do is go back home, all I want to do is go back home, that's all I want, I want to go home, I want to go home. “ you lie !!! You fucking liar !! All you ever did was use me!!! Treat me as nothing but a freaking whore !!! All of you see me as nothing but property!! And that freaking bit*** has done nothing but abuse me!!!! “
I yelled out all the emotions that I was keeping from my heart, seriously all this screaming was hurting my throat and tears were slowly building up, I bet I look pathetic but it doesn't matter anymore. All I can do is remember all the stuff that those damn dogs have done to me, I especially remember the branding iron that they did to me. Burning the symbol of the Keiga family onto my chest it's the worst experience in my life. I hate it. Every time I look at myself in the mirror All I can think of When I see the symbol is how much it hurts, and how much I hate the Keiga family!!
“ Stop !!! You have a role ! That's why we cannot let you go! “ she said with a somewhat of an annoying look in her eyes, getting closer to me. Every step she took made my body tense and blood boil, my entire body and mind was telling me to punch her, but I hesitated knowing very well that she was stronger than me.
So out of instinct I try my best to throw the hardest straight punch that I could Master, but sadly enough she Dodge it, wrapping her arms around my neck and arm, locking me in anaconda vise, because of that we both fell to the ground while she continued to hold me in that submission hole, all I can do is try my best to roll over or try to move my body around with my legs.
“ Hurry up, tangle him already!! “ the Cerberus yell at the pack of Wolf spirits, after she said that all I could do is struggle even more, even try my best to bite any part of her body that was close to my face to hopefully make her release me, but all I can do is simply hit her with my free and as little effect as it does. Soon the rest of the wolf pack started getting closer, they were pinning my legs to the floor, and one was even hugging my free arm to make it stop moving.
“ aaaagggghhhh!! AHHH!! You f****** b******!!!! Ahhhh!! “ I continue to scream and cuss, spitting whatever sound and word that comes to mind at them , while they tie my entire struggling body, bonding my legs together, Putting my hands behind my back, and even wrapping a piece of rope around my mouth to prevent me from using it as a weapon. Now I was tied up like a Christmas gift and all I could do was flop around like a fish out of water, spewing whatever word I can muster with this Gap in my mouth which simply made me growling n mumble.
“ You could have made this easy for yourself!!! But instead you chose to be stubborn and stupid! * Enoko yelled at me, wiping the sweat from her forehead while looking down on me at my tied up body. I couldn't help but to simply Just break a few tears from my eyes for my pathetic failure of my escape “ pick him up let's go!!”
The Keiga Wolves started to pick my body up like a group of ants picking up their food to their nest, with their numbers it made it easy to make me feel like a weightless body. In return I struggled again, moving Around and shaking my entire body Like a worm, hoping that if I was lucky that I might fall down and make the robes loose, but my hope soon disappeared when I soon saw the Keiga family building from the distance.
Inside the building, in the Saki Kurokoma office.
The air was so dense around her, kneeling in front of her was like staring at a fire, the Heat hitting you in the face making you want to look away, but instead I continued to look at the burning flames. The way she's looking at me, like that of a predator staring down at its wounded prey, and it doesn't help that I was still tied down in this bondage that the wolf spirits did, like a wrap Christmas person for her to open up.
Soon she removed herself from her seat, kneeling down in front of me while looking at me with some tender eyes like a mother. I couldn't tell much about her expressions since her bandana was covering her mouth, my only source of information was her eyes.
“ Why did you run away? You don't like your room? Was someone being mean to you in the Keiga family, maybe you want the new movies for your room, or was I not good enough for you “ she said in a sad tone knowing very well that I was probably fake her glove hand roaming around my head and stroking it, I couldn't say single word since my mouth still covered by the gab
“ Oh yeah you cannot talk with this, “ she said tugging at my rope gag, quickly pulling out a huge combat knife from her belt cutting the piece of rope from my mouth. I won't lie. I was both intimidated and relieved that my mouth was free , but now I have to talk to her. “ Tell me why did you run away ? give me the problems and I'll fix it”
After that she waited for me to answer. I didn't want to say a single word to this Beast, but I knew very well that she hated the silent treatment, and if I continue to say nothing she'll get even more mad at this Brute . “ ……… I just want to go home………. “ I said with a weak voice, while she wrapped her arms around me, I couldn't help but to flinch and widened my eyes from her touch. I hate it every moment when she touches me, all I can think of is the awful moments that we have together.
“ What do you mean sugar ? This is your home, You Belong here, you have a new family here, your future children will be here, you belong to me as well “ after she said that she separated herself to look at me in the eyes waiting for me to answer or accept my role, instead I try my best to avoid eye contact my lips quivering a little bit.
“........ I don't want to …..” afterwards she looked at me with an annoyed look in her eyes, her grip around me tighten.
“ you selfish w*You know how simple Your Role is ! You know how easy it is! All you have to do is fuck and give us babies! How f*** hard is that! All you have to do is do nothing and just make us pregnant!!! How hard is that!! How much do you want! Tell me!!!! “ she explained with a angry tone standing up and looking down on me with a impatient look in her eyes .
“ ……. I don't like you…… “ I said, but soon I realized I will regret those choice of words soon. Her eyes wined in anger, clenching her fist, soon her rough hand grabbed my hair pulling me up to her face.
“ you w**** !!!! “ she threw me to the wall, making my body bounce off of it, my body landing on the ground floor in front of her feet. I was gasping from the pain and before I could comprehend what just happened, she grabbed my hair pulling me up to de air again “ after all I done for you!! After all I did! I'm not good enough!”
I closed my eyes wanting to Shield myself from wanting to know what she's going to do next, just giving me a major headache with how much force she was pulling in my hair “ who gave you a place to stay when you were in the animal Realm?! Who took you under her wing !? Who took care of you during your time here ?! Who feeds you ?! Who protected you ?! Who was the one who gave you what you needed!!!??”
Afterwards she threw me to the floor, I gag at the pain that was happening to my body all I could do was simply lay on the floor.
“ if it weren't for me you would have been dead already!! You know what the other animal spirits would do to you!! You would be killed, eaten, or even molested if it wasn't for me!!! "After she was done with her yelling, she wanted to lean over me to grab my hair again. But her path was blocked by her right hand woman Enoko .
“ boss!!!! Please stop!! He had enough!! “ she said while she shielded me from her. Saki was panting, and looked down at me with anger. And in return I lay on the floor looking up to her with a pitiful look of teary eyes, and a bruised cheek.
“ tsk !!!! Take him to his room! Don't give him dinner today “ she waved her hand turning her entire body around to not face me anymore. Soon Enoko and the rest of the Keiga Wolves gently picked me up from the floor and took me to my room.
The my room
It looks like I'm back in this prison called my room, all I did was simply stare at my mirror, looking at my Reflection to see the damages that I receive. Bruise cheek, probably a few broken bones but I don't know which ones, and based on how much I could taste the blood from my mouth probably an internal Bruise. While I continue to look myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but notice the Keiga emblem on my chest, the more I continue to stare it the more rage and build up to my entire body, every time I look at it all I can remember is the freaking pain that this family has brought to me. They used me, abused me, humiliated me, and kept me prisoner. When I continue to look at it, memory flashes before me, making me remember how much of a failure I was today. All this anger that was building up, made my breathing fast and hard, until I snap .
“ Aaaaaaaaa Gggghhhh !!!!!”” I stood up breaking and throwing whatever I saw in front of me. Throwing wooden chairs to the wall, kicking the mattress off from the bed, shoving the desk from the floor, ripping the curtains apart, and when I finally reach my mirror I stop. Just looking at my reflection was enough to make me stop my Rampage, I could see that I was a mess and I was angry, I don't know why I chose to spare the mirror but I did , I sat down in front of it taking deep breaths and staring at my own eyes.
I don't know why looking at the mirror always makes me feel something, was it to reassure me what I look like during this time, or was it to remind me that the only person that you can trust in this world was yourself and nobody else.
After a while I noticed that Tears started to fall from my eyes. I couldn't bear to see myself cry so I simply covered my eyes and looked down to the floor, not wanting to see the mirror knowing very well that I look freaking pathetic.
So I cry

My body burning, my breathing getting heavy, and my legs screaming at me to stop. But I decided to not listen to my body and continue pushing forward to run and run until I made it. Because I knew very well that if I stop it, they're gonna catch me. And return me to my prison that they call my room. Who was I running away from? Who were my chasers?
A pack of wolf spirits who are members of the Keiga yakuza family. A bunch of wolf-like creatures with cowgirl getup. something similar to what their boss wears, Saki Kurokoma. Oh how I simply wanted to get away from her and never see her again. She was nothing more than a brute to me, an impulsive beast, who doesn’t listen to reason.
“Stop !!!! Don’t let him escape!! or else the boss is gonna kill us!!!!” I heard one of the spirits yell right behind me, if I could hear their voice, that means they were close by. Which simply encouraged me to run even faster, besides all my wasted energy that I already spent a while ago, I didn’t care if I was panting and gasping for air. I’m just hoping that all this pain that I was pushing through will pay off if I escape. Thoughts of freedom were all that I can think of to motivate me to continue moving on and keep running, making sure to not look back. It will pay off, I can do this, I can do this. I said to myself in my mind.
“Got ya “ soon my brain of thought was interrupted when one of Keiga wolves was in front of me, spreading her arms to catch me in her graphs. But because of my adrenaline and momentum, I use her as a stepping stool, by jumping over her body and stepping her face to push myself further forward to the direction that I was hoping to be the freedom that I was finding. Sadly, it was soon cut off when one of the wolves tackled me to the ground.
“ idiot, you forgot that some of us can fly!” She yelled at my face, I tried my best to push her away while the rest of her pack was slowly getting closer to me” tangle him already!!!” She yelled, and out of desperation I gave her a knee to her chin. luckily enough my knee was underneath her chin, which made it easier to strike, and push her way to give me some space to stand up.
But now I was surrounded by the Keiga Wolves, surrounding me in a circle to block any type of escape that I could take, and I noticed that some of them have lassos on their hands. It doesn't take no rocket science to know that it was to restrain me. Out of desperation and fear, I quickly raise my hands up in a fighting position taking the stance of a Muay Thai posture, which was the only weapon I have with me, and hope for the best it was enough for me to use against this scenario, we can all dream, and try.
I throw a punch, knee, kick and any other attack that instinctively comes when any of the wolf spirits come close to me. Surprisingly I was pretty strong and managed to push them away enough, But sadly I was still surrounded in a circle by these absent minded dogs. But besides that I still have hope that I can still receive my freedom, even if it means beating them all to a bloody mess. But out of nowhere in the corner of my eye was someone pulling a revolver at me, but luckily enough before she could pull the trigger, one of her pack members quickly shoved the revolver up to the air, missing its shot, and shooting the sky instead.
“Are you a freaking idiot!? The boss wants him alive !! Kill him and she’ll be pissed!! “ I couldn’t help, but smile at their restraint. I don’t know if this situation might make it harder for them to catch me, but all I know is that I can take this as an advantage. With my Martial skill I really thought I could escape and hopefully beat them all up, but Sadly I heard a familiar voice.
“ that’s enough, you have your fun, it’s time to stop” soon another canine shove herself in front of me, I knew very well who this dog was, Enoko Mitsugashira one of the right hand woman of Saki, second in command of the wolf spirits
“ Just come with us, make this easy for you and me” she said with a somewhat sad look in her eyes, almost saying that she doesn't want to do this. All I could do was simply stare her with anticipation, like a snake getting ready to bite
“You know very well I won't do That, I won't go back to that damn ratchet place, I don't even want to see that damn beast !!!” I said with emotion getting ready for her reply.
“ don't say that, we care about you, she cares about you, your important to our fam–”
“ Shut up !! Don't give me that damn bullshit, you think I'm really stupid if I believe those lies again!!!! Every single word that comes from your Freaking mouth is nothing but sweet words of lies!! “ I scream out of anger almost like I was about to cry, all I ever wanted to do is escape this filthy place called the animal realm. All I want to do is go back home, all I want to do is go back home, that's all I want, I want to go home, I want to go home. “ you lie !!! You fucking liar !! All you ever did was use me!!! Treat me as nothing but a freaking whore !!! All of you see me as nothing but property!! And that freaking bit*** has done nothing but abuse me!!!! “
I yelled out all the emotions that I was keeping from my heart, seriously all this screaming was hurting my throat and tears were slowly building up, I bet I look pathetic but it doesn't matter anymore. All I can do is remember all the stuff that those damn dogs have done to me, I especially remember the branding iron that they did to me. Burning the symbol of the Keiga family onto my chest it's the worst experience in my life. I hate it. Every time I look at myself in the mirror All I can think of When I see the symbol is how much it hurts, and how much I hate the Keiga family!!
“ Stop !!! You have a role ! That's why we cannot let you go! “ she said with a somewhat of an annoying look in her eyes, getting closer to me. Every step she took made my body tense and blood boil, my entire body and mind was telling me to punch her, but I hesitated knowing very well that she was stronger than me.
So out of instinct I try my best to throw the hardest straight punch that I could Master, but sadly enough she Dodge it, wrapping her arms around my neck and arm, locking me in anaconda vise, because of that we both fell to the ground while she continued to hold me in that submission hole, all I can do is try my best to roll over or try to move my body around with my legs.
“ Hurry up, tangle him already!! “ the Cerberus yell at the pack of Wolf spirits, after she said that all I could do is struggle even more, even try my best to bite any part of her body that was close to my face to hopefully make her release me, but all I can do is simply hit her with my free and as little effect as it does. Soon the rest of the wolf pack started getting closer, they were pinning my legs to the floor, and one was even hugging my free arm to make it stop moving.
“ aaaagggghhhh!! AHHH!! You f****** b******!!!! Ahhhh!! “ I continue to scream and cuss, spitting whatever sound and word that comes to mind at them , while they tie my entire struggling body, bonding my legs together, Putting my hands behind my back, and even wrapping a piece of rope around my mouth to prevent me from using it as a weapon. Now I was tied up like a Christmas gift and all I could do was flop around like a fish out of water, spewing whatever word I can muster with this Gap in my mouth which simply made me growling n mumble.
“ You could have made this easy for yourself!!! But instead you chose to be stubborn and stupid! * Enoko yelled at me, wiping the sweat from her forehead while looking down on me at my tied up body. I couldn't help but to simply Just break a few tears from my eyes for my pathetic failure of my escape “ pick him up let's go!!”
The Keiga Wolves started to pick my body up like a group of ants picking up their food to their nest, with their numbers it made it easy to make me feel like a weightless body. In return I struggled again, moving Around and shaking my entire body Like a worm, hoping that if I was lucky that I might fall down and make the robes loose, but my hope soon disappeared when I soon saw the Keiga family building from the distance.
Inside the building, in the Saki Kurokoma office.
The air was so dense around her, kneeling in front of her was like staring at a fire, the Heat hitting you in the face making you want to look away, but instead I continued to look at the burning flames. The way she's looking at me, like that of a predator staring down at its wounded prey, and it doesn't help that I was still tied down in this bondage that the wolf spirits did, like a wrap Christmas person for her to open up.
Soon she removed herself from her seat, kneeling down in front of me while looking at me with some tender eyes like a mother. I couldn't tell much about her expressions since her bandana was covering her mouth, my only source of information was her eyes.
“ Why did you run away? You don't like your room? Was someone being mean to you in the Keiga family, maybe you want the new movies for your room, or was I not good enough for you “ she said in a sad tone knowing very well that I was probably fake her glove hand roaming around my head and stroking it, I couldn't say single word since my mouth still covered by the gab
“ Oh yeah you cannot talk with this, “ she said tugging at my rope gag, quickly pulling out a huge combat knife from her belt cutting the piece of rope from my mouth. I won't lie. I was both intimidated and relieved that my mouth was free , but now I have to talk to her. “ Tell me why did you run away ? give me the problems and I'll fix it”
After that she waited for me to answer. I didn't want to say a single word to this Beast, but I knew very well that she hated the silent treatment, and if I continue to say nothing she'll get even more mad at this Brute . “ ……… I just want to go home………. “ I said with a weak voice, while she wrapped her arms around me, I couldn't help but to flinch and widened my eyes from her touch. I hate it every moment when she touches me, all I can think of is the awful moments that we have together.
“ What do you mean sugar ? This is your home, You Belong here, you have a new family here, your future children will be here, you belong to me as well “ after she said that she separated herself to look at me in the eyes waiting for me to answer or accept my role, instead I try my best to avoid eye contact my lips quivering a little bit.
“........ I don't want to …..” afterwards she looked at me with an annoyed look in her eyes, her grip around me tighten.
“ you selfish w*You know how simple Your Role is ! You know how easy it is! All you have to do is fuck and give us babies! How f*** hard is that! All you have to do is do nothing and just make us pregnant!!! How hard is that!! How much do you want! Tell me!!!! “ she explained with a angry tone standing up and looking down on me with a impatient look in her eyes .
“ ……. I don't like you…… “ I said, but soon I realized I will regret those choice of words soon. Her eyes wined in anger, clenching her fist, soon her rough hand grabbed my hair pulling me up to her face.
“ you w**** !!!! “ she threw me to the wall, making my body bounce off of it, my body landing on the ground floor in front of her feet. I was gasping from the pain and before I could comprehend what just happened, she grabbed my hair pulling me up to de air again “ after all I done for you!! After all I did! I'm not good enough!”
I closed my eyes wanting to Shield myself from wanting to know what she's going to do next, just giving me a major headache with how much force she was pulling in my hair “ who gave you a place to stay when you were in the animal Realm?! Who took you under her wing !? Who took care of you during your time here ?! Who feeds you ?! Who protected you ?! Who was the one who gave you what you needed!!!??”
Afterwards she threw me to the floor, I gag at the pain that was happening to my body all I could do was simply lay on the floor.
“ if it weren't for me you would have been dead already!! You know what the other animal spirits would do to you!! You would be killed, eaten, or even molested if it wasn't for me!!! "After she was done with her yelling, she wanted to lean over me to grab my hair again. But her path was blocked by her right hand woman Enoko .
“ boss!!!! Please stop!! He had enough!! “ she said while she shielded me from her. Saki was panting, and looked down at me with anger. And in return I lay on the floor looking up to her with a pitiful look of teary eyes, and a bruised cheek.
“ tsk !!!! Take him to his room! Don't give him dinner today “ she waved her hand turning her entire body around to not face me anymore. Soon Enoko and the rest of the Keiga Wolves gently picked me up from the floor and took me to my room.
The my room
It looks like I'm back in this prison called my room, all I did was simply stare at my mirror, looking at my Reflection to see the damages that I receive. Bruise cheek, probably a few broken bones but I don't know which ones, and based on how much I could taste the blood from my mouth probably an internal Bruise. While I continue to look myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but notice the Keiga emblem on my chest, the more I continue to stare it the more rage and build up to my entire body, every time I look at it all I can remember is the freaking pain that this family has brought to me. They used me, abused me, humiliated me, and kept me prisoner. When I continue to look at it, memory flashes before me, making me remember how much of a failure I was today. All this anger that was building up, made my breathing fast and hard, until I snap .
“ Aaaaaaaaa Gggghhhh !!!!!”” I stood up breaking and throwing whatever I saw in front of me. Throwing wooden chairs to the wall, kicking the mattress off from the bed, shoving the desk from the floor, ripping the curtains apart, and when I finally reach my mirror I stop. Just looking at my reflection was enough to make me stop my Rampage, I could see that I was a mess and I was angry, I don't know why I chose to spare the mirror but I did , I sat down in front of it taking deep breaths and staring at my own eyes.
I don't know why looking at the mirror always makes me feel something, was it to reassure me what I look like during this time, or was it to remind me that the only person that you can trust in this world was yourself and nobody else.
After a while I noticed that Tears started to fall from my eyes. I couldn't bear to see myself cry so I simply covered my eyes and looked down to the floor, not wanting to see the mirror knowing very well that I look freaking pathetic.
So I cry