Hey everyone, I've just returned home from the player sponsor trivia night as representative for our adopted child, Josh Weddle. Apologies in advance as I had no idea what to expect, the comms seemed to indicate there was limited contact but the players literally sat and ate with us the whole time. Otherwise I would've banked up some questions from you all, although I did my best to ask about all sorts of things.
As for how the night went down, I literally had no idea what to expect. Walking into Glenferrie Hotel, we took our name tags and walked to our table only to walk in on virtually the whole team hanging around. The staff had us leave that area for a little bit whilst they got prepared, and whilst enjoying a nice frothie, in walks Sic, Hardwick and Watson. We gave each other the nod as they entered.
When we were allowed to go to our table, we took our seats, when a voice from behind asked us: "how are you guys going tonight?" by none other than Luke Breust. We had a good chat for 15 minutes, I congratulated him on his newborn and he told me about how he was finding fatherhood (all going great). Another person from the table started speaking to Breusty, but that's when our lord and saviour and adopted child Josh Weddle arrived. First things first, Josh Weddle is an absolute legend and we couldn't have had a more perfect player to sponsor. He was super genuine and actively engaged in conversation with the table the whole time.
I let him know how much we at /hawktalk love him and are impressed by him. I also told him he's never allowed to leave the hawks and that I'll glue him to Dingley if I have to. Weddle gave off some great vibes about how much he enjoys being at Hawthorn, so I don't think we have anything to worry about there. I also learned an interesting fact that he was originally a North supporter growing up, which shocked me as I had read he was always Hawks. He said he saw the Hawks link reported on, but wasn't sure where that came from haha.
We spoke about our heartbreaking loss, and I framed a question around whether we planned to go defensive like we did, or whether the game just went that way for us. He couldn't say much, but indicated that the team felt comfortable with the lead and just happened to fall into a defensive mindset. He also didn't appreciate the tag he received for 3 quarters haha. He also was really keen on the fact we were only a couple of wins away from the top 8. I told him I thought we played fantastic regardless of the result, and that at least this happened in a bit of a nothing H&A game rather than say a 3 point win in a prelim leading to a grand final cough cough 2014 ;) we still have that over them hahahah
We also spoke about his interests, hobbies, etc.
I was able to have another chat with Breusty, I spoke with him about his future post-AFL life and how clubs work with players to prepare them for post-AFL life.
Half way in, none other than our senior coach Sammy Mitchell made an appearance and came by every table to have a quick chat. Unfortunately I only was able to have a quick handshake and told him I love what he's done for the team. Was hoping to catch him again before he left, but sadly missed him.
Over the night I got to have quick chats with Nick Watson (told him I loved his energy on field), CJ (told him I missed him and glad he's back in the side, also to get his brother traded to us lol), Sam Frost (spoke a bit about the upcoming Brissie game and how great he's been, said he can probably leave Daniher on his own since Joe will probs kick it on the full anyway which he had a laugh about), Ethan Phillips (told him he had an awesome debut), James Blanck (told him he's going to have to fight Phillips now haha), DGB (said he sounds like he has a wrestler name, which he said he gets the same comments from the team lol), Sic (wouldn't confirm about his shoulder :( was hoping to get the inside scoop there haha reckon he got asked by everyone in the bar haha also told him to smash Charlie Cameron for us, he had a good laugh and said that'll likely be Hardwick's job haha), Cam McKenzie (told him he's been excellent), Bailey McKenzie (unfortunately only had a quick hello and hand shake), Impey (told him he's been great and I hope we get the win for him as captain), Gunner (god love him, said glad he's back at the hawks).
Finally, got to have a photo with Weddle and a whole bunch of signatures on a #23 guernsey.
All in all I had an absolute ripper night, had great interactions with majority of the team. Breust and Weddle were amazing, I wish I could've had more time with them since they were so down to earth and happy to chat. I highly recommend for anyone who thought about going, to get involved next time.
Anyone with any questions, I talked a lot that I can't fully capture in this post without writing a novel. So feel free to ask and I'll answer what I can :)

Our kids became friends last fall as they played hockey together. The other parent was the coach. Early on in the season the coach mentioned that my son was playing with a stick that was too short for him. He then overheard my wife telling our son that she wasn't sure we had the money to buy a new stick right now. He talked to his son and they gave our son one of his old sticks that was a better size for our son. This made my wife think highly of these people and she started kinda pushing the friendship between the families especially between the two boys who play hockey together.
We start inviting this kid to our house and my wife warns me that he is very autistic and doesn't have play dates a lot. The kid isn't even at our house thirty minutes and has already punched our six year old. The kid was 10 at the time. We have three boys. At the time they were nine, eight, and six. So he punches our six year old and then he just starts being awful to the two younger boys. Because I am an adult, I don't freak out. I talk to him. I tell him if he wants to spend time at our house he isn't allowed to hit or a be mean to the younger kids. I tell him that I don't get the impression that he is a mean person, but rather he seems to think it will impress my son if he is mean to his younger brothers and that being mean to younger siblings is not cool and won't impress anyone. It will just make the parents think twice about letting him come over. After our talk he started behaving a bit better, but was still mean at times during this first visit.
The boys start hanging out together all the time and while my younger two boys loved this kid, my oldest who he was really there to hang out with started to act distant and at times seemed to be pushing his friend away. His friend would freak out if my son didn't want to do exactly what he wanted to do which was usually video games. Sometimes my son would tire of video games and start doing something else without his friend. His friend would go find him and lecture him on how when he has a friend over he needs to play with them. I would normally agree that it was rude of my son to just leave his friend and go do something else, but tried to also explain to his friend that he was tired of video games and maybe they could find something else to do together, but this kid pretty much only wanted to play video games and would be almost offended that my son didn't.
Anyway after I noticed this happening, the other parents started informing my wife that our son was bullying their son. My wife does most of communicating with other parents as I am more introverted normally and too often assume other adults are assholes. The only thing we noticed for sure was our son yelling at this kid once while fishing and we both talked to our son about how we should talk to friends and yelling at friends would lead to him not having any. Everything else was hearsay and I didn't know what to believe, but we still talked to our son about the accusations of bullying and we are not okay with bullying and we better not find out he is doing that. They accused our son of sending mean messages, but provided no proof and we looked everywhere we could think of and the messages we see our sending are to his paternal father and grandmother. Still we talk to him again about what he is being accused off and let him know that we really hope he isn't bullying anyone, and he will be in big trouble if we find out he is.
While this is going on I am downstairs one day and hear the kids playing games online. They are playing with this friend and I can hear his voice through the TV speaker. He is yelling at them telling them to talk to him. " I know you have a mic! Turn in it on! This is very rude! I know you have a mic so talk to me or I am leaving! I don't know why you guys are being buttholes to me. Just turn the mic on and talk to me or I am not playing with you! Their mic had stopped working and he was assuming they were just ignoring him, which doesn't make any sense because they sent him the invite to play with them, but he's a kid so I can't fault him for assumptions.
Fast forward to Saturday. This kid has a birthday party and my whole family is there. My kid was on one that day I admit. He was trying to impress a girl and kept teasing me by taking my hat and running off with it in a playful manner. This is something he may get from his mom and I because the way we play and flirt with eachother is by little things like this. She'll come home with silly string now and then and spray me randomly, and I find it funny and love that part of her personality, even when I am in a grumpy mood, I always smile about it. He has seen his mom shove frosting in my face at birthday parties, and so he thinks this is funny. The part that upsets me the most is that apparently the kids mother told the kids specifically not to play with the cupcakes. She said not to take one if you weren't going to eat it I guess. My son took a cupcake and then playfully tried to throw it at the birthday boy. I say playfully because that was what it was. There was no mean intent but the birthday boy got upset and I talked to my son about not doing that kind of thing unless you know the other person is okay with that kind play. Some people just aren't. Anyway my wife asks if everything is okay, because the other family seems upset. They say everything is fine and laugh it off. An hour later the dad sends my wife a bunch of messages calling our son a bully and us bad parents for allowing all of this bullying to continue and then blocks us on everything.
Over the course of the hockey season this dude got more and more involved with local kids hockey and is now one of the main dudes in kids hockey locally. I already know how he handles things cause there were multiple hockey teams and it was getting to be too much for him, so he hand chose the kids he wanted to coach the most and made one team that he would coach and basically canceled the rest of the season for the other kids. He didn't tell the parents of the kids he didn't choose for his team. He just said because ice time was hard to come by, scheduling conflicts, the incompetence of others involved in local hockey, and not having enough help, the season would be ending a bit early this year. The other parents found out about the secret team and were pissed. Then he basically just called them all assholes in mass text and blocked them all. Worried this douche is gonna have a say in what hockey team my son is on next season he'll screw him over.
Am I the asshole for not beating my son senseless over a cupcake to make this guy think I was a good parent?

Hi,
So just started on MJ.
34 M - 5.8ft - 228lbs - Northern Ireland
Ive struggled with weight and more appropriately compulsions from about 15.
I think my biggest driver with weight gain would be my overactive drinking habits after work and at home. After a couple drinks I tend to start 'grazing' on whatever is lying around the cupboards and fridge. Went off alcohol for a year before so wouldn't class myself as an alcoholic. This is a big cause, but i also just graze in general, cant really stop myself.
My main hope is that MJ can help train my internal eco system to regulate not only my food intake but also my alcohol intake as well. Have read alot of comments about how MJ works at cancelling out noise from food and alcohol, so excited for that prospect.
Hoping to shed 80-90 lbs of body fat over the next year.
I suppose my biggest concern is adjusting with my wife. Dinne meals are a social event for us, we use it as an opener to ending the work day and unwinding (both WFH in Pharma IT roles). I'm worried if i change eating habits drastically it may affect this dynamic... if im over thinking this please just call it out but interested to hear others experiences.
I suppose my second concern is the idea of staying on this medication for life. I have read that going off MJ after reaching target can lead to regains of 66% weight in some cases. Is it really the consensus that this is just going to be used for the rest of your life?
Id eventually like to try and ween myself off it if I can reach that weight but seems redundant if im going to put the majority of it back on.
Lastly, im going the route of online pharmacy, (VOY) at 249 GBP a month. Would probbably like to move it onto my NHS prescription within 3-4 months. Has anyone been in a similar scenario or are the majority of users on NHS prescription?
To end- i'm filled with equal measures excitement and nervousness for this journey. Glad to find a UK community to share this experience with. Wishing all new users (like myself) and ongoing users the best of luck with you own personal battle.
Signing off,
TB.

We are 10 family members who booked this trip through a tour agency. My dadi(grandmother) is 76 years old with operation in both legs and a 3 year cancer patient. Our tour started at 11th May, 2024. We did the char dham in proper sequence (Yamnoutri -Gangotri- Kedarnath -Badrinath). We had a proper itinerary and online bookings done by the agency.
First we had a hotel booking in Barkot. The hotel was okay. they are extremely possessive about their towels with a rule- 1 towel per room??? I'm with my dadi and aunty in one room. They probably have a laundry problem or something but every single hotel has this nonsense rule. Anyways, next day 5am we left for Yamnoutri. Got stuck in a 5km long jam(Yamnoutri is 35km away) Me and my dad decided to walk it out. We covered 20km by 3pm however it started raining and couldn't continue ahead. We stayed in a tapri for 4 hours until the rain cleared. Our family was still stuck in traffic and hadn't reached even close to us. Now it's 8pm. We were supposed to be done with Yamnoutri and go back to our Barkot hotel. We had to cancel our Barkot bookings(and the hotel manager put all the bags of our 10 people in 1 room messing up everyones luggage). We booked another hotel at Sayanchatti were our family members reached at 11pm. Police management was utterly trash. I think even they were surprised with the amount of overcrowding. Next day we finally reached Yamnoutri. About the trek- the pathway/trail is full of shit. And I mean literally full of horse-poop. There are 700-1000 horses. Even after getting a horse, we had to wait 40mins for parchi and additional 1 hour(while on our horse) because of horse-jam. Yes there is a traffic jam of horses ON THE TREK. We wanted to walk but seeing the people who did walk, I was glad we didn't. The path is almost 3 meter wide with pithu, doly/palki, horses and people walking simultaneously. People who walked got continuously hit by horses and had to dirty their shoes in horse poop. We reached the temple finally, did Pooja, etc and managed to return Barkot where we had to re-book for another night. Our itinerary was already messed up at this point and money was wasted thrice (previous booking unattended in Barkot, the new booking in Sayanchatti and rebooking in Barkot). There is more like the incredibly risky horse route, etc but that's inevitable. I'm gonna continue with Gangotri.
We reached Maneri after struggling in jams for 7+ hours. We also did Uttarkashi before that. Ok so here the police had stopped us at checkpost and said cars are going in batches and if they let us go the jam ahead would only get worse. Now our hotel was 5 minutes(3km) by car from the checkpost. I went walking 3km and reached the hotel and there was absolutely no traffic like we told the police. We even showed them on Google maps. Traffic jams are understandable, but not letting us go after talking to the hotel owner, seeing proof that we won't contribute to traffic, that was a bit triggering. From police side it was just plain dumb. The commisioner there would keep talking his egoistical nonsense, not listening to anyone. Finally the rest of my family reached the hotel. Same issue with towels, rubbish beds, never ending insects and super unclean bathrooms with no pressure in water(flush, jets, bath, basin). Anyways, next day 12am we left for Gangotri with zero sleep because we are already behind our bookings and trying to avoid wasting more money. Got stuck in jam till 6am. [Also another note here, we had 2 private cars and one of the drivers was sleeping drunk and almost hit me and my mom. He hit a tempo traveller and we told him go back to sleep.] Finally reached Gangotri at 5:30pm, did our Pooja and then got in line for Darshan. My dadi and I got into the senior citizen line because she is 76 years old and can barely stand/walk in lines. Tilll now in the trip I don't completely blame the police for what was going on. But here in Gangotri, if anyone is going I am warning you, the police is rubbish. They are rude, tired with the crowd and very harsh and worst of all lazy. When u reach the main statue to go darshan, it's continuous pushing and almost a stampede, you cannot carry a baby or a old person there, they are garanteed to get hurt and the police won't care AT ALL. If you are lucky u might get to see the main statue of Ganga Mata for more than 4 seconds. After that we got back to our hotel in Maneri.
Next day we left for our hotel booking (adjusted by our agency) in Phata-Mankheda. Don't forget to go to Guptkashi before entering Phata. Here too same issues like 1 towel per room, charging points at the most unreachable locations in the room, etc. But this was still better than Maneri. Next morning 3am we left for Sonprayag. There is a line for your registration approval which goes on till Sitapur (2km from Sonprayag). People will continuously try to break and enter the line and there is almost a stampede and lot of heated crowd. After registration, you can go join 1km line for government taxi(50rs per head) from Sonprayag to Gaurikund. Anyways, after reaching Gaurikund there is a 1km inclined gali then the horses start.Remember this part^. So here we again had to take a horse even tho we wanted to trek because at this point we were on 3-4hrs sleep everyday and our mental was very weak. We paid 6000rs per horse because it wasn't morning and the horse owner GARANTEED us all of my family members will be together, there will be one person per horse and that he already has the parchi. 5 of us had taken the horses and others went walking, palki and pithu. This path was again same as Yamnoutri or even worse. More horse-poop than ever, the sweepers there won't care and sweep the trash on you if u r in their way and continue doing so. People working there are literally illustrate and 'gouthi'. The horse owner didn't fulfil his promise either. There was 1 man handling 3 horses. The horses were going anywhere, hitting our legs on railings, other yatris,other horses etc. They told us to get down and walk 50m every time they saw police which is when we understood they didn't make a parchi. When we reached the top they demanded for the full money which they very very very obviously did not deserve for all their lies. When we said take 28k because anyways 2 of their men didn't come. They said give 30k else don't give anything at all. This childish, greedy attitude of theirs was again very triggering. We are not beggars and they are not doing us any favours so we still paid them the full amount. We are on a spiritual journey but since everything is about money from tourism, our spirit kept getting crushed. We had to spend the night at Kedarnath and our agency had booked us a dormitory. I warn anyone booking a dormitory, just don't. 30 unclean, continuously used beds, in one non- ventilation suffocating room with 1 Indian style toilet whose latch doesn't work shared with strangers. And the worst part is it is 1000rs per bed. I wouldn't pay 20rs for this rubbish service. At this point my spirit completely broke and I fell sick. I hadn't eaten anything and didn't want to. Next day my dad and I went down through horse at government rate (2300/). Others came in pithu and trek. Now came the worst part. The overcrord at the narrow 500m gali which i told u to remember above. Oh my God. After 22km Trek you are treated with this 0 management wild crowd. I had to take care of my dadi and fam from getting hurt. After reaching Gaurikund, again another 1.5km line with no special preference for senior citizens. Here people bribed the police 500rs to break and enter the line(happened right in front of me and my phone had no battery) When you reach the taxi finally, everyone tries to enter together and the police are just standing mutes. They are done with this💀. Finally got into the taxi, reached Sonprayag. Had to walk till Sitapur. Got a private taxi from there who demanded unreasonable price.We got mad and told him 4000rs till phata-mankheda(20km) which he then agreed to. Our hotel had changed to the worst possible hell of a hotel ever. I don't even want to talk about it. It has scarred me how people go about their business with 0 standards. At this point we just wanted to go home but Badrinath is left 😭
Ngl Badrinath tour was decent. Our hotel was in Piplakoti. Decent hotel called River view hotel. Roads are good. Only 4 hour line in Badrinath with heated crowd and 5 second darshan. At this point we are used to this so it's ok💀. Police was actually working and managing. Only issue we faced was directions from main road to the mandir and back. At night it gets very confusing.
Now I'd like to add, i haven't taken any names of hotels(except river view) or my tour agency because I don't mean any disrespect.
Uttrakhand is a beautiful beaitiful and amazing place with sceneries and memories I will carry with me forever. The sceneries while going to every dham are different and unique in their own way. Even just traveling from one dham to another by road is an amazing experience(excluding the jams).
I have some opinions- 1. Management is almost non-existent. Meet any Yatri and they will tell you the same. 2. Police are corrupt and lazy. Some try actively but that's like 10% of them. 3. The problem with hotels is that they are all on lease. I'll explain. The owner gives a person say Rahul their hotel on lease and asks for a certain amount per year. Rahul gets paid after that certain amount exceeds. Hotel bookings for char dham 6 months are always full. Rahul will always get this money and hence sees no need to maintain this hotel. So that's that. 4. Uttrakhand runs only and only on tourism and it is obvious. So as an individual tourist, you DO NOT matter. They don't care, they get people continuously. If your booking is cancelled there is always someone else to take it. You cannot talk sense to anyone running any type of service there. 5. Yamnoutri, Gangotri and Kedarnath roads for reaching there are narrow. Government should ban big buses permanently and is the best move they can make. These buses are 80% of the reasons for jams. They are improving roads but it's been 75+ years since independence so idk what they are doing. 6. Government should NOT take registrations when they cannot afford them. 27 Lakh registrations is not a joke. 2.8Lakh people in 4 days is not a joke. No one can manage this amount of people. Have a limit. People are spending lakhs of rupees coming from all over India for this and 90% of it is a bad experience. 7. Don't open all char dham together. This year's main issue was all 4 temples opened at the same date, 10th May. People were already ready and started rushing from 7-8th May.
Advice for Future Yatris- 1. Don't come in May. I had a compulsion so we had to. But everyone here says that the best months for char dham is September-October before Diwali. 2. If you do come in May, don't do online bookings. You need to be flexible with where you are gonna stay. 3. Carry a towel per person. Hotels are extremely possessive about their towels. 4. Leave early for every dham if you are committed to do all 4 of them. I've seen lot of people give up in jams. 5. Get warm clothes especially lot of socks and bring medicines, etc. Rain coats are ok but u need a poncho. Rain coats don't cover your bagpacks while trekking and even if they do, they will stretch and might tear. 6. Private cars/taxi yatri, spend a bit more and get a comfortable car. You will spend most of the time in your vehicle. Tempo travellers are extremely uncomfortable and avoid them. 7. Take cold water baths at colder places as warm water baths bring the blood vessels to skin level making it more sensitive later. You have to be mentally prepared before taking a cold water bath. 8. Weather changes like anything. Suncap and goggles are a must in day time. 9. If u get sick/stomach upset have black tea and biscuits. 10. Do private Pooja at Badrinath.
Good things- 1. The food is amazing. It's almost as good as homemade food. You can always tell the cook how you like your food. Do try the Vegetable Maggi at highecolder mountains. It's available everywhere. 2. Sceneries are amazing and don't forget to carry a proper camera. Phone tech these days is good too and will make photo-frame photos. 3. You will always find people to talk to. If you happen to find polite people, say the hotel cook or a homeguard or other yatris or anyone at all, you will have a good conversation. 4. The pandits are good and will only ask you to pay them if u want to for the Pooja. Always pay them. 5. No phone range. It's good so you live in the moment and can enjoy the amazing sceneries :)
I'm trying to be completely honest without involving any type of hate here and trying to paint a complete picture of what my journey was like. We had to go over budget(almost double) because we didn't know any of this even after research. Our tour agency didn't warn us about anything either. Only thing that matters is that you enter the holy grounds. You can expect amazing sceneries but not an amazing darshan in May. It's been a bittersweet journey and I am writing this while omw to home. I hope y'all find this helpful and plan accordingly only if you are going in May or peak season. Otherwise you might not face much issues in September. Thank you for reading.

It’s been three months since she broke up with me. She did it because she had a lot of responsibilities and the only thing she could let go to lighten things on her side was me. I never blamed her for that. She lives for her studies, they’re everything to her. She already has a bachelor’s degree and now she wants to do a master’s degree in another domain. But that’s not the point here, but you now know how important studies are to her. they take all of her time, she also has a lot of responsibilities that are not school related so i really don’t blame her for breaking up. My point is : is it wrong if after 3 months I still believe in us? Is it wrong if after 3 months I’m still convinced she’s the one? We had something special, we lived together for a few months, we had so many projects in the future, we even already knew the name for our kids. So is it wrong if I still keep hope that we’ll meet again ? That’s the first time where I still have all of my feelings event though it’s been three months. Usually after 2 months I already moved on, but this time it’s different… Thank you for reading, I hope nothing’s wrong in waiting for the girl I’m is the love of my life

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
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My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
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My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
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Comments
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Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.

OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.

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failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.

OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK

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BigIronBruce

She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.

That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.

Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?

I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
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OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank you

Interesting-Tip-4850

"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."

you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.

OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?

Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.

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Update - 8 days later
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I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
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Comments
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Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.

OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.

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shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.

OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.

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RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?

OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
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AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
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I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
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Comments
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Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
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SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
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QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
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SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
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Update - 6 days later
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Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
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Comments
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aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
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Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
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Comment from OOP
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When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
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Comments
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Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
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sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

It's here! The results for the 2024 Fantasy Top Podcasts Poll have been tabulated and we have the results! Before we share those results with you, a quick preamble about participation and how we categorized the podcasts. The original voting thread can be found here.
Participation
In total, 77 people participated in this poll and cast a total of 360 votes for 183 podcasts. That's a big uptick from the last time this poll was undertaken but not as much participation as we'd hoped. The vote spread was remarkably similar to last time but as we suspected, the popular podcasts have changed wildly. For instance, Writing Excuses was the most popular podcast last time with 16 votes and this time it only received one vote.
Only 2 podcast votes were disqualified: 1 for not seeming to be a podcast (not found on any podcast app and it did not describe itself as a podcast on its YouTube channel) and the other was only available on a website that my antivirus software wouldn't let me go to so I couldn't confirm anything about it.
Breakdown
There were 7 main categories of podcast:

• Discussion - for general podcasts where hosts talk about shared interests. This could include news, book discussion, readalongs/watchalongs, lore analysis, and so on. This is the category most people tend to think of when you say "podcast." Readalongs/watchalongs are specifically called out in the list due to their participatory nature.
• Fiction - for podcasts where previously published stories are read aloud often by their author usually without sound effects.
• Audio Drama - podcasts where stories are performed by actors as plays with sound effects. Not everything in this category is is specifically a drama. Some are comedies but audio drama appears to be the catch all term for any story performed for audio.
• TTRPG - a catch all for anything D&D related including actual plays and similar games like Pathfinder.
• Writing - podcasts on writing advice, story creation, and the like.
• Folklore/Mythology - somewhere between Fiction and Discussion, these podcasts bounced between reading, discussion, and history of real world myths and folklore often by people who are experts in their field. This felt different enough from Discussion and Fiction to single out since it did not fit neatly in either.
• Improv - there were a number of podcasts where comedians improvised stories in a fantasy or sci fi world. It wasn't quite fiction and it wasn't quite audio drama so it got its own category.

Fiction and Audio Drama are definitely the blurriest categories. In general, I counted something as audio drama if it had multiple actors and sound effects. This meant that stuff like Night Vale, which is arguably an audio drama, was counted as a fiction podcast since it doesn't have these elements. This decision was partially informed by Night Vale calling itself a fiction podcast instead of an audio drama which helped me figure out where to draw the line using Night Vale as a boundary marker. However this also means that delineations between Audio Dramas and Fiction may not be consistent as I did defer to podcast descriptions if they described themselves as Fiction or Audio Drama.
Our most popular podcast categories in order of most to least popular were:

1. Audio Drama - 62 podcasts Discussion - 62 (17 of the discussion podcasts were watchalongs or readalongs)
2. Fiction - 24
3. TTRPG - 21
4. Folklore/Mythology - 4 Writing - 4
5. Improv - 3

The Results

To save space, only podcasts that received 3 or more votes are displayed in the table below. Podcasts with only one or two votes can still be seen in our Fantasy Top Podcasts of 2024 Google Sheet.

Rank	Podcast	Category	Votes
1	The Magnus Archives	Audio Drama	18
2	Welcome to Night Vale	Fiction	16
3	The Adventure Zone	TTRPG	10
3	Wolf 359	Audio Drama	10
5	Alice Isn't Dead	Fiction	6
6	Alzabo Soup	Discussion/Readalong	5
6	Critical Role	TTRPG	5
6	Green Team of the Legendarium	Discussion	5
6	Imaginary Worlds	Discussion	5
6	Intentionally Blank	Discussion	5
6	Worldbuilding For Masochists	Writing	5
6	Worlds Beyond Number	TTRPG	5
13	2toRamble	Discussion	4
13	ars PARADOXICA	Audio Drama	4
13	Dungeons & Daddies	TTRPG	4
13	I Am In Eskew	Audio Drama	4
13	Limetown	Audio Drama	4
13	Midnight Burger	Audio Drama	4
13	Old Gods of Appalachia	Audio Drama	4
13	The Silt Verses	Audio Drama	4
13	The Strange Case of Starship Iris	Audio Drama	4
13	The White Vault	Audio Drama	4
13	Wizards Vs. Lesbians	Discussion	4
24	Be the Serpent	Discussion	3
24	Escape Pod	Fiction	3
24	Girl In Space	Audio Drama	3
24	Not Another D&D Podcast	TTRPG	3
24	Page Break	Discussion	3
24	Podcastle	Fiction	3
24	Pseudopod	Fiction	3
24	The Bright Sessions	Audio Drama	3
24	The Locked Tomb Podcast	Discussion/Readalong	3
24	Uncanny Magazine Podcast	Fiction	3
24	We Fix Space Junk	Audio Drama	3
24	Within the Wire	Fiction	3

Miscellaneous Info

• The most highly voted Discussion podcast is a tie between Alzabo Soup (which is about the books of Gene Wolfe), Green Team of the Legendarium, Imaginary Worlds, and Intentionally Blank.
• The most highly voted Audio Drama (as well as most highly voted podcast overall) is the Magnus Archives.
• The most highly voted TTRPG podcast is The Adventure Zone.
• The most highly voted Fiction podcast is Welcome to Night Vale.
• The most highly voted Writing podcast is Worldbuilding for Masochists.
• The most highly voted Improv podcast is Mission to Zyxx (not displayed above because it only got 2 votes).
• The most highly voted Folklore/Mythology podcast is Lore (not displayed above because it only got 2 votes).
• On average, users voted for 4.7 podcasts per comment.
• 60% of the list is composed of podcasts that received only 1 vote.

Closing Thoughts
So that's the poll. What are your thoughts on the rankings? Are you surprised any specific podcasts didn't make the list?

…it was absolutely fine. This was my first time registering via the website instead of in person, but other than that, I had no issues. Waited about five minutes to be placed in the virtual queue, answered a few questions about my group members, then waited about an hour to start the video call. I know others may have had different experiences, but the cast member I spoke with was efficient and polite. Just a basic “what are your concerns with waiting in long lines” blah blah, I told them I have POTS and have high heat sensitivity, incontinence and claustrophobia (unrelated to POTS) and he approved me right away.
I’m a frequent-ish Disney goer and from all my digging on the actual Disney website, the only change now in effect is that you must register for DAS online in advance of your trip and can no longer do it at Guest Relations. I think there are two big misconceptions I’ve seen flying around:

1. The new DAS is only for autistic people. This is NOT true and would be a major violation of the ADA. Not saying a major corporation wouldn’t try to get away with that, just saying it would open them up to lawsuits to only accommodate one condition arbitrarily. I think this comes from the fact that WDWMagic reported the story as being true, when nothing Disney has actually said supports that. Autism is used as the EXAMPLE condition on the website, I think in an attempt to discourage other disabled people from using the pass they are legally entitled to. Universal Orlando has deployed a similar strategy for years and I’ve always been able to get a pass from them as well.
   
2. If you have bladder issues, you will now have to exit and reenter the queue instead of utilizing DAS. Again, this is NOT true and a misconception. Some of the newer rides like Rise of the Resistance and Flight of Passage have actually been constructed with bathrooms in the queue with cast members able to assist guests who need them. Disney is making an effort to make newer lines more accessible, but unless they overhaul every single attraction line, bladder issues are still DAS eligible.
   

I will say it seems like CMs have been retrained to make several rounds of suggestions instead of granting the pass automatically. This was not my experience but I’ve seen a couple other posts so I wanted to address it here. Unfortunately, it does make sense that CMs would be trained to discourage people, as those people might feel disheartened and decide to just pay money for LL/Genie Plus instead. I do think if you have reasons as to why their suggestions aren’t enough, they would eventually grant the pass. Here are some tips I have to help the conversation go more smoothly.

1. If you’ve been given DAS before, SAY SO. They will be able to see it in your records and it’ll be hard to justify why you no longer qualify when they’ve made no material changes to the ride system.
   
2. Focus on symptoms that are a danger to yourself and others. For example, those of us with POTS tend to faint in the heat and direct sun. I told the cast member I was afraid of fainting and hitting my head on a guardrail or hurting someone else on the way down. They will do anything to avoid a potential lawsuit. Obviously don’t lie, but make sure to frame it in a way other than “I will feel sick”.
   

Hope this helps.

TL;DR: Matched with a seemingly great guy on Bumble, hit it off well, moved to texting and phone calls, only to have him "test" me on our first disagreement about who should pay on dates. Despite forgiving him, he responded with hateful accusations, leaving me to move on from his manipulative behaviour.
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.

From GeForce PR:
Brace yourself as Senua's Saga: Hellblade II hits the gaming world with day-one support for DLSS 3 and Reflex meaning GeForce RTX gamers can dive into the fray with an ensured, definitive experience and reduced system latency.
For an adrenaline-fueled narrative-driven adventure, prepare for Serum, set to launch on May 23. Serum promises a thrilling journey through a contaminated world filled with conspiracy and danger, where GeForce RTX users can expect nothing short of excellence as they uncover the game’s secrets with DLSS 3, DLAA, and Reflex enhancements
In further news, the latest update for Star Citizen introduces DLSS 2 Super Resolution, enriching the gameplay experience with enhanced frame rates in GPU-limited scenarios. And, get ready to set sail and embark on a new maritime adventure with Ships At Sea, set to launch on May 23. This next-gen ship simulation experience is bolstered by DLSS 2 support for optimized performance.
For those who want to get behind a different kind of wheel, be sure to check out EA SPORTS™ F1® 24 when it drops on May 28. It comes loaded with RTX technology: DLSS 3, DLAA, Reflex and Ray Tracing. Use those extra frames and that extra responsiveness to get the inside edge over your competition in the race of your life and enjoy the game’s beauty as you wave to them from the winner’s circle.
If you’re more of an explorer, players can discover the desolate world of Solaris-3 in Wuthering Waves, launching on May 22. The highly anticipated title features fast-paced combat and immersive gameplay, further enhanced by DLSS 2 support for GeForce RTX users.
And if all that wasn’t enough, Ubisoft’s highly anticipated arena shooter XDefiant launches today with Reflex, which will reduce system latency by 58%.
Finally, our latest Game Ready Driver adds support for 11 G-SYNC Compatible displays, from partners including ASUS, Dell, Philips, IODATA, and LG - all bringing to market a better Variable Refresh Rate experience that makes gaming a smoother experience. For a complete list of all G-SYNC, G-SYNC ULTIMATE, and G-SYNC Compatible gaming monitors, check out the updated G-SYNC page, which can help you quickly find the ideal display.
GeForce RTX continues to push the boundaries of gaming technology, delivering unparalleled performance and visual fidelity across land, sea, and space in these new games. Explore the complete article for additional insights on this week's releases.
~Related Links~
DLSS Weekly Article
https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce/news/dlss-hellblade-2-serum-ships-at-sea/
GRD Article
https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce/news/f1-24-senuas-saga-hellblade-2-geforce-game-ready-drive
Reflex Monthly Article
https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce/news/xdefiant-reflex-low-latency
List of All RTX-Enhanced Games and Apps
https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce/news/nvidia-rtx-games-engines-apps/
Next DLSS and RTX Titles
https://www.nvidia.com/en-us/geforce/tags/?tag=nvidia-dlss

🌸 H*ello Lovely Fam *🌸
After our 30-day challenge, I couldn’t help but wonder: are there simpler ways to reignite our passion for action? So, I decided to shrink the timeline and introduce the 715ActionChallenge! 💖
This challenge is all about taking tiny but meaningful steps towards our dreams. For the next 7 days, we invite you to spend just 15 minutes each day working on something you’ve always wanted to do. It's all about making progress, no matter how small!
Here’s how it works:

1. Pick Your Goal: Choose a sweet little goal you’ve been dreaming about.
2. Daily Time: Dedicate 15 minutes each day to this goal for one week.
3. Write It Down: Use your diary to capture your daily journey, thoughts, and feelings. 🌈

Imagine the magic of little steps adding up! Here are some adorable ideas to inspire you:

• Get Moving: Do a fun 15-minute workout or dance session.
• Stretch and Breathe: Spend 15 minutes doing gentle yoga to feel calm and happy.
• Learn Something New: Try a new dance move or a cute makeup trick each day.

The most important thing is to start small and keep going. 🌟
In the comments below, share your 715ActionChallenge goal with us! Let’s cheer each other on and celebrate every little victory. Remember, this is our warm and fuzzy space where we can be ourselves and support one another.
Even if the outside world feels chilly, here we have warmth, comfort, and friendship. Let’s take this first step together and see how far we can go with just a little bit of daily love and effort.
We can’t wait to hear all about your goals and see the beautiful progress you make. Let’s do this together!
Sending you all hugs and encouragement,
TheBigGirlDiary Mod🥰💕

A rare "emotional" reflection here as I pit-stop during a long drive through Nevada. I've flaired this as VENTING....but it's a very calm and melancholic meditation really.
So yes....my somewhat "not tooo bad a guy" ....JW father.
He's old now.
We all know it won't be long.
I'd love for him to get "well treated" by some benevolent being in an afterlife scenario because regardless of what I believe or don't believe.....I just think he deserves that.
With all humility, I'd like to think "I" deserve that too someday.....but my approach to these things has always been a policy of:
"Expect or 'wish for' the BEST......but plan for the WORST."
I've never "bent the knee" to any gods you see.
I won't.
I can't.
I won't negotiate.
Especially when it comes to the only kind of "gods" on this planet's religious menu.
They ALL seem to want a piece of us.... mortal beings.
And it's usually that crucial piece.... that I have always point-blank refused to give them.
My father hasn't resisted though.....
He's played their game.....
He's "bent the knee" in the hope that he'll one day receive reward for this.
And it's from THIS POSTURE that I now find myself in a state of reflection, albeit a very "emotional" one, which is quite uncharacteristic for me I have to confess.
I think it's my sense of justice kicking in.
I want no part of....and no place in.....the kind of "paradise" my father has long been hoping for and anticipating.
But I now find myself saying to HIS god:
"You'd better make sure you give this man what his heart's been desiring, because even though you'll NEVER get worship or subservience from me.....this man has definitely played your game and you now OWE him his reward..."
"Don't think for one moment that this is a humble beseechment.....it isn't."
"I've always known that you're a "quid-pro-quo" kind of god, and that you don't GIVE unless you first GET what it is you want. Which in my book, simply makes you more of a businessman than a "god" which is why I personally......have never loved nor respected you....or even recognised you AS a god."
"But my father HAS.....so you'd better well honor that "deal."
"Don't worry about ME either. Don't put my father in HIS paradise and then try and tell me that I could have been there WITH HIM....had I also bent-the-knee."
"I'm more than happy to not be going into my father's version of paradise, because even though that version might make him happy and feel that everything was worth it, I don't feel the same way about THAT particular brand of paradise. I can imagine a BETTER version you see.....and just because there are no gods down here who seem to be offering that BETTER version.....I'm still more than happy to hold out for it as an unsecured possibility."
"MY version of paradise is one reserved for people who have refused to bend-the-knee and is given as a reward to people who have absolutely no reason to EXPECT reward, because they've never once tried to bargain or negotiate with any "gods." MY version of paradise is given to those who've bravely taken up the challenge of just being THEMSELVES and of being utterly truthful to their own thoughts and steerage rather than just bargaining those things away in the hope that they'll enter some "inferior" paradise one day."
"You're a businessman god......YOU know the importance of realising the true worth of something you possess and why only an idiot would trade that away for something of inferior value. Well that's what my father's done god....but even so....he still DESERVES that inferior paradise you've promised him. Yes, his own fears along with YOUR intimidation tactics means that you now get to corral him and others like him into YOUR inferior paradise.....and I'm sure that once you've "perfected" him, he really won't know any better and will likely become happy with where he finds himself."
"But let's just get one thing straight here god. You doing this for my father WILL NOT be deemed as you demonstrating "undeserved KINDNESS" as you seem to like to profess. My father will thoroughly deserve every little inferior life-improvement you grant him in that inferior paradise.....and WELL YOU KNOW IT.
"He'll deserve it because he's done what you asked and bent-the-knee. And that's the DEAL that you constructed god. He's denied his own free agency, and handed HIS WILL over to you, and that's why, inferior paradise or not....you will definitely OWE him his anticipated reward."
"With the likes of ME.....well you'll owe me nothing, and that's not a problem because I'll be expecting nothing.....from YOU at least."
"Quid-pro-quo"......remember?
"It's SO OBVIOUS that human free-will and self-agency is what you're desperately trying to squash and purge from this planet.....so this must be worth far in excess of what you're willing to offer human beings in exchange for it."
"Even if every atheist and agnostic has absolutely no rational reason to expect anything more beyond the lives that they're currently living....the fact that they've successfully attributed great worth to their own agency....IN SPITE of the known and accepted brevity of their own lives......"
".....well....let's just say this must REALLY pi$$ you off god?"
"Not least of all because you don't get to browbeat, diminish or enter into bargaining with such people?"
"These people KNOW what they possess and would genuinely rather die as "mortals without hope" than trade in their own self-agency for the "promise" of something nebulous under the jurisprudence of an utterly unworthy, emotionally manipulative deity."
"But not so in the case of MY OWN father....god"
"He gave you what you wanted....and he always has done."
"Inferior paradise or not....reward him according to his just deserts."
"If you're going to be a quid-pro-quo businessman..... type of god, then at least be an honorable and trustworthy god for those who've opted to invest in you."
(Thanks for reading...if you did)
This concludes my "pit-stop" meditations.....back on the road.....on with the journey.
​

TL;DR: Matched with a seemingly great guy on Bumble, hit it off well, moved to texting and phone calls, only to have him "test" me on our first disagreement about who should pay on dates. Despite forgiving him, he responded with hateful accusations, leaving me to move on from his manipulative behaviour.
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the full story:
I (32) matched with this guy (37) on Bumble recently, and we hit it off immediately. We spent hours texting and eventually, we moved to a phone call that lasted several hours. We got along so well that he mentioned he would have liked to take me out that day, but he already had plans with his friends to watch an F1 race and a football match. I appreciated his honesty and told him it was fine, and we continued talking throughout the day, even while he was with his friends. It was going SPLENDIDLY!
However, out of nowhere, he made a condescending comment about my Instagram, saying it looks like he’d have to sell a kidney to take a girl like me out. I found it extremely offensive and told him that while I’m financially comfortable and can pay for myself, I do have standards when it comes to dating. I expect a man who asks me out on a date to be willing to pay for it. If a man doesn’t pay, I see it as going out as friends, and I wouldn’t consider a second date. He then doubled down, saying he was new in town and unsure where to take me because I seemed to have an extravagant lifestyle.
I clarified that I didn’t expect an extravagant first date and had a favourite bar in mind that’s quite economical due to my regular patron status there. But I wasn't sure if I was interested in moving forward with him because this had gotten too weird and uncomfortable for me.
He then admitted he was TESTING me because he has a lot of money and didn’t want to be used for it - Mentioning his FERRARI, while he was at it, which I had frankly assumed was a rental, I didn't give it a second thought or glance. He then said he was very disappointed in me accused me of being like other women who expect men to pay — He called me a Gold Digger in so many words. I found this extremely manipulative, insulting, offensive and downright disrespectful and told him so and asked him to fuck right off! Just for the record - I am also rather well-off. Not only do I make decent money, but my parents are also financially well-off.
Despite my frustration, he apologised profusely and asked for a second chance, claiming he was wrong to test me and that he genuinely wanted to get to know me better. I told him I appreciated the apology but couldn’t get past the disrespect and the implications of his “test.” I made it clear that his behaviour had made me feel judged and uncomfortable, and I didn’t see how we could move forward.
He kept insisting, saying we could laugh about this misunderstanding later and that he’d make it up to me. I reiterated that I didn’t want to feel scrutinised or judged every time we interacted, and that this incident had soured my perception of him. I told him it was best to part ways and ended the conversation. He asked me to sleep on it, and I did.
The next morning, I sent him a text to formally close things off, but on a good note, saying:
"We definitely had a fun and interesting day, but we both know this isn't going to work out! I truly enjoyed our time together and our roller coaster of a conversation. Most people don't even have dates as fun and intriguing as this! But sadly, this is the end of the road for us. I do truly wish you the very best with everything, and I'm glad we ran into each other. Take care and be well! 💗"
He didn’t respond to that text, but he continued to view my Instagram stories, which I found really passive-aggressive. So, I followed up with:
"Hey, I noticed you didn't respond to my last message. I just wanted to say that I tried to be respectful and honour the conversation we had because I genuinely valued it. It would have meant a lot to hear back from you, even just a simple acknowledgment. Regardless, I wish you all the best."
His response to that was unexpectedly hostile. He accused me of being selfish and only caring about my own feelings. He claimed he had already responded to my earlier texts and accused me of being stubborn and ungrateful for the time he spent talking to me. His tone was rude and accusatory, which only reinforced my decision to end things.
I replied, explaining how his actions had made me feel judged and disrespected. I pointed out that despite enjoying our conversation, his test and subsequent behavior were major red flags. I told him I was disappointed by his hostility and that I was hoping for a more respectful closure.
He left my final message on “seen” and hasn’t responded since. Which is fine. Screw him.
I'm not looking for advice on how to get back with him. I’m just trying to process this and move on. Any tips on how to deal with such a disappointing end to what seemed like a promising connection? Because I hadn't been this super excited to go out in a VERY long time!
Thanks for reading.

Greetings, dear members of ChildrenOfIllness,
As we embrace Share Your Story Tuesday, we invite you to join us in a journey of reflection and connection. This day is dedicated to the incredible power of personal narratives, as they not only help us understand ourselves but also strengthen our bonds with one another.
Growing up with parents facing severe mental health challenges has left a profound imprint on our lives. It's a path filled with unique challenges, unyielding resilience, and inspiring victories. Today, we encourage you to open up and share your personal journey with mental health, knowing that your story can bring solace and inspiration to others who may be walking a similar path.
Consider the following prompts to guide your sharing:

• What have been the most significant challenges you've encountered while dealing with a parent's mental illness? How did you navigate through them, and what did you learn in the process?
• Are there specific coping strategies, therapeutic approaches, or self-care practices that have made a difference in your journey?
• Share a poignant moment or lesson from your life story that has shaped the person you are today.

Remember, every story has its own unique beauty and strength. Your experiences, both trials and triumphs, are an integral part of the tapestry of our community. By sharing your narrative, you not only honor your own journey but also provide support and understanding to others who may be facing similar challenges.
Let's build connections through the power of our shared experiences. Share your story, and together, we'll continue to grow and heal as a community.

Even if you don’t speak the first time, just being with other people who can understand you will help.
First
Previous
You know the drill: credit to SpacePaladin15 for the universe.
Thank you JulianSkies for proofreading.
Memory Transcription Subject: Billy Marsh, Dirt
Date [Standardized Human Time]: March 29, 2142
Why the hell couldn’t I get rid of Gillab? I wanted him gone, he was ruining everything, and he is even technically trespassing in my house. I could easily get him removed with a simple nine-one-one call, so why couldn’t I just do it? Is there something else wrong with my head? Another problem I needed to deal with?
I wish I had some alcohol. Something to take my mind off of this. The memories were starting to come back more and more as well, last night was the worst sleep I have had in a while. The night terrors I once kept away with liquor had returned, something that scared Gillab half to death. He said that I was screaming bloody murder in my sleep, but just like every other time I’ve had a night terror, I couldn’t even remember a single detail.
But that didn’t matter now, what did was trying to give a decent first impression. I don’t know why, it’s not like I care, but I found myself wanting to look halfway presentable for the veterans’ meetup. Maybe I didn’t want others to waste their time worrying about me. Yeah, that was it. They shouldn’t need to worry about dirt like me. Still, I promised to ‘go through the motions,’ so here I was.
I didn’t really know how to describe the building, it almost looked like a warehouse. Short and wide, from the outside one would assume it was just another warehouse, but the inside had been turned into a community center. It was probably just another one of the overbuilt buildings that had been repurposed. There were tones of those around as architects and city planners would miscalculate how many of a certain type of building were needed. Many places were repurposed, this was just another.
I stopped at the door and looked over to Gillab. “This isn’t going to do anything. I’m just wasting time here.”
“No, you aren’t. Even if you don’t realize it, you are healing. Even just walking around outside of your house and eating a half-decent meal has helped, I can see that. You aren’t nearly as angry today as you were yesterday. Now go on, while you are doing this I’m going to run some errands for you. You need real food in your house.”
“Don’t bother, I don’t know how to cook.”
“Then we will learn. I don’t know how to cook Human food either. Kirala is the chef of the house.”
I thought to ask who Kirala was, but bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to care. “Whatever, I’m going in now.”
“See you soon Billy.”
I shut the door behind me and took stock of the room around me. It was a waiting area complete with inoffensive paintings and beige seats. At the opposite end of the room was a woman sitting behind a counter, typing away on a computer. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to talk to her.
“Hello, uhm, I’m here for the veterans’ group therapy session.”
“Oh course, that’ll be down that hall. Room number three, it should be on your left.”
I tried to stop bouncing my leg. “Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a response and started down the hall, feeling a pit grow more and more in my stomach. What if this goes wrong? What if I just cause more problems? What if I ruin more people’s lives? What if I just make it worse?
I stopped in front of the door, my leg bouncing constantly. This was wrong, I shouldn’t be here. I’m unhelpable, I should just leave. Gillab said he was running errands, he wouldn’t even know that I skipped it.
The pit in my stomach began clearing as I turned away, but I couldn’t even take a single step before I stopped.
No, that’s wrong. I made a promise to Gillab, so I have to do this. Not for me, but for him. Even if I’m useless, I should still respect others.
But I could just lie, he wouldn’t know any better.
But what if he finds out?
Getting chewed out later is much easier than going through with this.
Isn’t this supposed to help though?
Do you think I deserve help?
Why… why shouldn’t I?
Because of what I’ve done. Who I've hurt. Who I have killed. The lives I have ruined trying to help them. If I was anything other than dirt, I could have saved so many more and ruined so few. Now stop stalling, and walk-
“Do you need help, sir?”
My heart plummeted and the bouncing immediately started. I turned around nervously, trying to form a single cohesive thought. A man was standing halfway in the doorway.
Don’t bother him, just say that I’m in the wrong spot.
“Uhh… N-”
My voice caught in my throat, almost causing me to cough.
“Y-yes. Is this the v-veterans’ therapy thing?”
Why did I say that?
The man stepped out of the doorway, a small smile now on his face. “Yep, this is it. You must be Billy, right? Charlotte told me that you were going to start showing up. I’m Richard, and yes, my friends call me Dick.”
Richard stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a split second before realizing I needed to shake it. As I did, I realized that it felt wrong. It was too tough to be a normal Human hand, it was almost like metal.
I looked up from the hand. “Y-you’re an amputee too?”
Richard smiled widely. “Sure am. Lost it on Sillis to an Arxur. I can see - feel - that you lost an arm as well.”
“Yeah… I’d prefer n-not to talk about it.”
Richard lost his smile, but not his courtesy. “I understand. I wasn’t able to even look at mine for a long time. Quite a few were just as unfortunate as us, a number of them come to these sessions as well. Would you like to step in? I was only going to leave to grab some refreshments.”
“S-sure. Yeah. I’ll find a seat.”
“Great, I’ll be right back.”
Richard departed for the end of the hall, leaving me standing awkwardly in front of the door. I could feel the pit begin to grow again and my leg started to bounce furiously.
Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes? Why did I say yes?
I’m in too deep now to back out, all I can do is go through the motions. It’s just motions. Just another step. One more breath. That’s all I have to do.
I stepped into the room, keeping my head lowered the entire time. There were three other people in the room, chatting idly with one another. Two Humans were chatting together, only briefly pausing to glance at me before starting right back up. The Venlil looked up from his phone and patted the seat next to himself, inviting me to sit next to him.
I sighed internally and made my way over, not wanting to set myself apart as the outcast. The Venlil watched me sit and only started talking when I was settled in. “Hi, I’m Tunek.”
I gave him a short nod, looked away, and realized I was supposed to give my own name. “I-I’m Billy.”
Tunek watched my hand for a moment, before leaning back in his chair. “So, is this your first time being at one of these?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes. I’m only here because of a friend.”
Tunek nodded. “Hey, as long as it gets you here. Just taking the first step is all it takes to start the journey. I stole that from Dick, but don’t tell him I said that.”
I nodded. “Sure.”
Tunek tilted his head in concern and moved to respond, but Richard returned just before he could speak. “Alright, I’m back with the waters and the snacks, why don’t we all grab one before we start?”
Everyone but me left their spot to grab something from the cooler that Richard brought back. The two Humans returned to their seats with some water and a cereal bar each, but Tunek hesitated when he started to return. He took a step, paused when he saw me, and turned back to grab another water and snack bar. He must have been hungry.
I looked down at myself as he walked back. Even if I was hungry, I didn’t deserve something to eat. My suffering was my punishment for what I had done and what I had failed to do. I don’t know why I’m here, I don’t deserve to get better. I’m just dirt, I should just-
“Here you go.”
I looked up to see Tunek handing me a bottle of water and a piece of fruit leather. Tentatively, I reached out and grabbed them. “How’d you know I was hungry?”
Tunek shrugged. “A hunch. It’s a little early for dinner and a bit after lunch and I figured I would be peckish around this time so you might be as well.”
I set the water bottle to the side and peeled open the fruit leather. “Thanks…”
“No problem.”
Richard took a sip of his water as I took my first bite, setting the bottle aside as he began to speak. “Alighty, now that everyone has something to keep them awake, I can start talking. As you might have noticed, we have a new member joining us today. So why don’t we all introduce ourselves? John, do you want to start with a name and a little about yourself?”
The man with short, brown-blonde hair sat up straight. “Sure, I’ll get this started. I’m John, I served the UN for four years before we made first contact, but only served for one after. I’m an only father, but I like to think that my wife is looking down from heaven trying to guide me. However, with how old Rachel is, it feels less like guiding and more strength-giving. Oh, and I hate the taste of lemons. I think that’s about it.”
The mention of lemons caused my stomach to tie itself in a knot. James always hated the taste of lemons. Just another reminder of how useless I am.
The man to the left of John smiled. “I guess it’s my turn. My name is Carter. I served the UN for three years until I was discharged for repeated disorderly conduct. I was in a bad spot for a while, but with the help of Dick here I got out of it. Well, start getting out of it. I still have some… flare-ups, but that’s why I’m here.”
Carter smiled, but it was sad. Tunek let him have his moment of silence, encouraging the veteran to be with his emotions for a moment, before starting his own introduction. “Well, I guess you already know my name, but for the sake of completion, I’ll say it again. I’m Tunek. I served the Venlil Space Force for around one Earth year before first contact, where I served with the UN until the conflict with the Yulpa on Grenelka. I… well… after that I couldn’t serve anymore. Something else… I’ve always wanted to learn how to play an instrument properly, but never had the drive to do it. That’s about it for me. Dick, since you were so kind to leave yourself for last, I think it’s your turn.”
Richard chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is. Well, like I said earlier, my name is Richard, but don’t be afraid to call me Dick. I come from a military family and have always known the dangers of signing up, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t realize that the war was affecting me until Milieu. Then and there I knew what needed to be done. Once the war was over, I went straight to work creating this.”
Richard paused for a moment to catch his breath. ”I knew that therapists were going to be swamped and many veterans were going to be left behind, so I took what little experience and knowledge I had with my military family and used it to help as many as I could. So now I meet with tons of veterans throughout the week to help them adjust to civilian life and overcome their internal struggles. I’m glad that you have joined us today and hope that we give a good first impression.”
I wasn’t ready for him to stop talking and scrambled to get my words out. “Y-yeah. So far everyone seems nice.”
“Well, if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. With that all out of the way, why don’t we jump right in? I’m not the type to beat around the bush. Let’s start with a simple recap of the week. How have you all been this last week? Any wins, losses, jumps, or setbacks? Remember, there’s no judgment here. We are all suffering together, but we heal together as well.”
The room was silent for a moment, everyone looking for someone else to start the chain, before Carter spoke up. “I guess I’ll go first, if you’ll let me.”
Richard sat down. “Of course Carter, whenever you are ready.”
Carter nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. “I, uh… I had another meltdown, on Wednesday. It came out of nowhere. Happened in the middle of the supermarket, I thought I was… I managed to make it home in time before it really started, but just barely. I was hardly in my room before I started bawling. I… I feel so alone sometimes. I can be in the middle of the supermarket and feel like I’ve been stranded on an island alone f-for years. I m-miss them so much. Y-you all have made it easier, but sometimes… Sometimes it’s too much.”
John placed a hand on Carter’s back and Richard offered a concerned look. “If you ever feel like that, feel free to call me.”
Carter sniffled and wiped away a forming tear. “I know, I know. You’ve told me before, and I almost did, but I thought that you wouldn’t need me bothering you in the middle of the day.”
“Carter, you know I would drop anything to come to your help. Only me dying could stop me.”
Carter leaned back in his chair and laughed even as he wiped away another tear. “Thank you, Dick, but please don’t go dying. You’re too nice for that.”
Richard smiled. “I don’t plan on it anytime soon, Carter. I still have so many more people to help.”
After a moment of silence, John took the initiative and started his own story. “I had a pretty big win this last week. I finally made it through a whole week without having suicidal thoughts.”
Richard smiled widely. “That's wonderful! I told you that you were making progress.”
“I know, but sometimes I feel like I have no purpose anymore. It’s overwhelming. My daughter is old enough to care for herself, I’m only working a menial labor job, I can’t find any hobbies to enjoy… I feel like nothing.”
“But you aren’t ‘nothing,’ you are you. And there is only one of you. I can’t go out and find another John, or another Carter, or Tunek, or Billy. You are all unique, and losing you would be a tragedy.”
Before I could stop myself, I spoke. “Am I really worth saving?”
Everyone went silent for a moment, caught off guard by my words. After Richard deciphered the sudden question, he gave a response with absolute certainty. “Absolutely. There is nothing in this world that can’t be forgiven or overcome.”
“Are you sure? After the things I’ve done… forget I said anything.”
Richard shook his head. “I can’t do that, Billy. I can’t willingly ignore someone in need.”
“I don’t need help. I’m getting exactly what I deserve for what I have done.”
“And what have you done?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Richard sighed. “That’s okay, for now. Eventually, you will have to come to terms with it, but for now, you can just listen if you want to.”
“Yeah. I think I’m just going to listen.”
I leaned back and crossed my arms, letting Tunek speak his mind. “I think I know what you are going through. Not the specifics, but I think I can get a general idea.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Tunek was silent for a moment, before looking away from me and speaking. “I was on the Cradle when it fell, and on Sillis when the Arxur raided it, and on Milieu fighting off the Kolshians. I tried to save as many people as I could, but in the end, I could only make their passing less painful. I couldn’t even save my partner. I froze in the moment. I could have saved him. But I was frozen in fear. His death is entirely on my shoulders. I’m still fighting that to this day.”
I stared at Tunek for a second, before turning away and sighing. They didn’t know what I was going through, no one could. They didn’t know my crimes, if they did they would kick me out. Their problems, no matter how real, were nothing compared to mine. They still could be helped, I couldn’t.
Could I? If all these people could heal, why couldn’t I?
Because my crimes are too severe.
I… yeah…

Hello and prynhawn da (Welsh for good afternoon)! After a long grey winter and spring, summer seems to have found my corner of the world and it’s got me in a great mood. I’ve been enjoying a long weekend this weekend with a mix of spending some in the local countryside and heading into Cardiff to go to the theatre last night. I hope you’re having a fun weekend too!
And while the alone time is fantastic and I’m more than happy in my own company, it would also be nice to have someone with whom I can share those sorts of experiences. Getting out and into the world and making memories that can be talked about and enjoyed together. If that sounds good then there’s more about me below.
I’m an open-minded guy willing to try new things and love exploring new places. I’m excited to travel to South America later in the year and am aiming to go to every continent at least one, I’ve covered the Northern hemisphere but this is my first time going below the equator! At home, I like all the usual things, films, reading, tv and music, have eclectic tastes in all of them and I’m up for giving recommendations and excited to hear your favourites too. I’m also learning Welsh, doing a bit of writing from time to time (should do more), enjoy cooking and getting out in the countryside for some casual photography.
Personality wise, I’m non-judgemental, passionate, with a dry sense of humour and enough of an ego to hopefully be endearing. I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and am open about how I feel. While there’s not much I expect in a partner, openness definitely is, so if you’re one to play your card close to your chest or keep people at arm’s length, we’re probably not compatible.
On the subject of being open, I’m more than happy to see where things take us. I don’t have any specific relationship goals in mind, so up for discussing and figuring out what works.
Diolch for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.

Hope everyone had a great start to the week! Let's jump straight into the updated analysis and the new addition to the watchlist! Here is the original post from Sunday, where I was watching the potential breakout $SUUN pennant pattern and a break or bounce of the $GWAV trendline ($GWAV was taken off due to the lack of volume yesterday). I am replacing it with $HOLO and doing some analysis on the stock's price action, so if you are interested, keep reading! (I wish I could provide the chart in this sub, but check out my profile if you would like to see my charts for $SUUN and $HOLO)
Before we get into the new addition, I want to highlight a perfect breakout of 13.5% WITH volume confirmation for $SUUN. This is exactly what I was anticipating, and now as the week goes on I am going to continue to monitor this stock to see if it can continue to make new highs. If it stays out above $5 the rest of the week, we can be looking at a future penny stock graduate… make sure to take profits where you deem fit!

• My TP is now $7.00 now that $6.30 and $6.50 TP have been hit.
• If it breaks above $7 watch out because this stock will be at all time highs which means there are no more resistances!

Okay, now for the $HOLO analysis. Due to how they calculate the float, various websites have provided a lot of different information about the short interest in this stock.

• Fintel.io: Short Interest = 23.66 %
• Benzinga: Short Interest =34.56%
• Finviz: Short Interest = 75.04%

Besides this discrepancy, let's examine the price action and identify areas of resistance that could be good profit-taking levels if this stock does end up exploding (key word IF). These are all short term resistances so keep that in mind and be ready to take profits if you are already in..

1. $2.60 - 36% from current price
2. $3.50 - 55%
3. $4.00+ - 82%

If you already have shares please let me know where you plan on selling! Communicated Disclaimer- this is NFA and please do your own research! Sources-1,2,3,4

Top 6 Updates of last Week:

• After Google, OpenAI enters a new data + advertising partnership with Reddit.
• Google rolls out AI overviews in US with planned expansion in more countries.
• Threads App is testing pinned columns on web, Tweetdeck 2.0.
• Youtube expands Creator Takeover ad format and shares new details into CTV growth.
• OpenAI launched GPT-4o, adding AI voice assistant and other improvements.
• Netflix plans to launch In-house ad tech platform with their ad audience growing to 40M in Q1.

Trending

• Pinterest and Real Simple, a lifestyle magazine partner to launch the first shoppable magazine issue.
• e.l.f. Beauty’s latest campaign ‘So Many Dicks’ campaign touches on points made in the last newsletter, diversity in boardrooms is rare.
• Reddit is bringing back Awards program, nice.
• Amazon shared strong ad viewership numbers and other content updates at Upfront.
• Microsoft’s AI developments have caused their carbon emissions to jump 30%.
• Warner Bros. Discovery launches new ad products and shares new subscriber growth.
• Nielsen ranks top media companies, First Convergent TV Comparison of its kind.
• Bumble apologies for Celibacy billboards and apologises to all users.
• ASDA launches new brand identity as part of its summer campaign- Serious about Summer.
• TripleLift & Amazon’s partnership to expand ad business beyond amazon’s own websites.
• Expedia launches travel media network and new AI features.
• McDonald’s new launch; Grandma McFlurry meanwhile Gen-X is still waiting for repersentation.
• Delivereasy’s new ad campaign is funny and worthy of a long-term run.
• Dentsu’s new global brand proposition; Innovating to Impacting.
• Disney, Fox and WBD unveiled name of Sports-Streaming Venture: Venu Sports.
• Pizza Hut Australia fined $2.5 million for spam marketing.
• Snapchat shares new insights on improving ad campaign performance with 3Es.

TikTok 🎶

• TikTok is now testing 60-minute video uploads, What?
• IKEA to run a Pet Shopping Network for a TikTok Livestream.
• TikTok is testing addition of AI-generated search results.
• TikTok released new playbook for Beauty businesses.
• Frank McCourt offers to buy TikTok from ByteDance.
  

  Instagram & Threads 🗂️

• Instagram expands creator marketplace to new regions
  
• Instagram’s new BeReal-like feature ‘Peek’ in testing.
  
• Threads launched its fact-checking program.
  
• Threads launches recent tab for search function.
  
• Instagram is testing option to add notes on posts and reels.
  
• Creators aren’t happy with Instagram’s AI bot suggestions.
  
• Instagram launches new creator interview series.
  
• Notify sticker is now available for IG Reels.
  
• Instagram testing ability to create public reels playlist.
  

Meta 😅

• Meta hit with new EU probe for having additive algorithms harming children and teens.
• Meta to shut down Workplace its enterprise workspace platform.
• Meta launches travel mode for Quest 2 & 3.
• Meta’s Oversight Board receives first case from Threads is here, involving Japanese PM.
• Meta is exploring AI-Assisted Earphones with Cameras.
• WhatsApp redesigns drawing editor for beta testers.

X (Twitter) 🕹️

• X’s Gork AI expands to EU users.
• X’s Takeover Ads get improved spotlight takeover with commentary and shop feed.
• WNBA is coming to X with new content partnership.
• X completes the website transition from twitter to x dot com.
• X updates communities feature to increase user adoption.

Youtube 🕹️

• YouTube CEO shares, It’s Time for the Emmys to Embrace Creators.
• Youtube gets branded QR codes to improve CTV Ad conversion.

Google 🔦

• Google adds two new crawlers: GoogleOther-Image and GoogleOther-Video.
• Google shares video pages need to be super obvious to be shown in Video Tab.
• Google Search launches ‘Web’ filter with only text-based links.
• Google rolling out new restrictions for suspended ad accounts.
• Ad format preferences now available for Demand Gen campaigns.
• How publishers are removing their content from Google’s AI overviews.
• AI Ad summaries are now available in Google Ads.

Agency News

• GAP Inc. appoints Omnicom as Media AOR.
• Esusu appoints David&Goliath as Agency of Record.
• Athletic Brewing Company names Wpromote Media AOR.
• Kenvue hires FCB and BBDO to run creative account.
• HEINEKEN appoints Blue Yonder to improve Demand Planning.
• STOP&SHOP names Curiosity as creative AOR.
• Moore named Primary Direct Response Agency for Nationwide Children’s Hospital Foundation.
• M&C Saatchi Sport & Entertainment wins Dometic as New Global Client.
• Mother hires creative directors from Droga5 NY and Adam&eveDDB.
• Gallo appoints VaynerMedia LA as lead creative agency for Barefoot Wine.
• L’ELOI announces major roster expansion.
• Mazda Canada names FCB/SIX CRM Agency of Record.
• Canadian Blood Services appoint Diamond as Agency of Record.
• Cricket Australia hires Special, Independent creative agency.

AI 🤨

• ChatGPT announces improvements to data analysis.
• A Recap of AI features announced at Google I/O Event.
• Deloitte Digital launches AI-powered content tool for marketers.
• Google still hasn’t fixed Gemini’s biased image generator.
• Snowflake in talks to buy Reka AI for $1 Billion.
• Sony Music warns AI developers not to use its content for training.
• Anthropic hires IG Co-founder as head of product.
• Claude AI is now available across Europe.
• OpenAI disbanded their team focused on long-term risk of AI.

Reddit & Snapchat

• Reddit launches 5 new features to improve AMA (Ask Me Anything) posts.
• Snapchat partners with Scope3 to launch carbon emission tracking for Snap Ads.
• Snapchat announces new partnership with Datahash to improve performance via CAPI.
• Reddit hires new VP of Ads Product, Jyoti Vaidee.

Microsoft & LinkedIn

• EU warns Microsoft it could be fined billions over missing GenAI risk info.
• Sainsbury’s and Microsoft announce five-year AI partnership.
• LinkedIn adds Unique View Count for post analytics.

Marketing & AdTech

• Broadsign acquires OutMoove, Netherlands-based DOOH DSP.
• Twitch announces new Partner Discords
• Politico launches its first consumer registration wall.
• Havas acquires Liquid to enhance E-commerce and Retail Media Expertise.
• DEPT and BIGR Social are launching a new Automated Social Media Management Platform.
• QR codes aren’t out yet, Innocent drink’s OOH campaign success.
• Commercial TV networks spent $1.67 billion on Australian Programs.
• Streaming is Cable: Comcast to launch Peacock, Netflix and Apple TV+ bundle.
• Advertiser trust in Google continues to go downhill, here’s what experts believe.
• Yahoo tests Google’s post-cookie ad platform.
• GoPuff’s ‘Ozempic Week’ ad campaign backfires on social media.
• NCM Teams with Nerds for On-screen Holographic Cinema Campaign.
• Asperity launches composable ‘Lakehouse’ CDP.

I hope this helps to plan your week ahead. Follow for more.

Greetings!
We would like to continue with energy work.
In todays session, we are desirous of speaking about the vertical dimension of your body or that which would be understood as the anaerobic or 'without oxygen.'
Firstly, we ask the rhetorical: Why did the Monks and Yogi's live in the mountains?
We of J believe the monks and yogi's lived in the mountains to live in crisp, oxygen depleted air. We also believe they lived in mountains due to how prana moves through mountainous environments.
The closest low-land air ever comes to being crisp would be in your harsh winters where temperatures are below freezing.
Within an environment that has a severe lack of oxygen, breathing is something you do entirely manually to keep yourself from constantly fainting or tripping, each breath in-fact is a trip through the anaerobic system. Monks spend years learning how to not space out in a most literal sense lest they die of carbon dioxide poisoning.
Each breath, however small or large, supplies the monk with aerobic potential which he utilizes to keep himself awake and aware of what is happening in the world - this builds a positive charge.
To be willing to partake in the world of the living, requires typically more positive energy than negative, which many may understand as work ethic in your culture.
Breathing exercises for working monks revolved around washing dishes, cleaning and tidying, praying and a variety of other physical labors that went from as intensive as running around everywhere and chopping trees, to as relaxing as learning how to see different colours or floating in the air (levitation).
With aerobic potential or positive charge, we of J think anything as fantastical as your movie and cartoon depictions of super-powers is possible. However, harnessing aerobic breathing is very difficult because in the low-lands, oxygen is usually so abundant that one does not realize how each breath vitalizes the body and in which areas.
Anaerobic Potential:
However, we of J believe there is an entirely different side to the body that does not rely on oxygen at all. We also believe many confuse this energy system as the array of pains and pleasures they feel going through life, such as breaking an arm, going through a break up, fulfillment or even profound states of satori.
We of J believe that much of human experience in-fact is centered around the anaerobic side of your mind/body.
When oxygen is not required, things that would make you look as alike a superhero with oxygen would then seem childish when done without oxygen.
We of J believe that most spiritual work asks one to focus on anaerobic contractions of focus and in bolstering the strength of this muscle, one can navigate your planet with great freedom.
The anaerobic system works within deeper structures of the central nervous system, it is hard to feel but without being unconscious, yet if one can experience this nervous system entirely with will power alone through dedicated meditative practice, that same entity will be able to traverse the empty space not only within themselves but the Universe itself.
For many, the anaerobic nervous system and its corresponding contractions are 'autonomic.' Meditators train for many years but usually in good environmental conditions, to gain mastery over the centers of the body that do not require oxygen to manipulate. In doing so, it becomes possible to create whichever hormone one so desires merely by stimulating the gland directly.
In yoga, beginners must learn a set of muscular contractions, learning all these muscular contractions would take some many years, but students of yoga plan on living hundreds of years so they usually do not mind.
The first muscular contraction is to liberate or free sexual energy which is the pelvic floor lift which we explained a few sessions back. This lift prepares the anaerobic system for blood-flow.
The final muscular contraction is to find the Dao in thinking hard and softly to move consciousness into hyperspace, this works the entire throat chakra which humans would understand as the default mode network.
All the contractions in the middle are what entities would term their life story or most vivid experiences of life, which settle automatically between the lower and upper spine.
In mastering all anaerobic contractions to generate higher experience, the Yogi may undergo death and rebirth to continue his training in a newer, fitter body that can handle large quantities of life-force.
In doing these exercises for hundreds of years more, one realizes that all is Thought, and balancing thinking and energy (relaxation) is the aim of the Simulation.
The Dao of Thinking:
Thinking is a balancing act, humans swing in a variety of different ways, but it is always a back and forth of the left and right hemisphere. To find the Dao or Middle, is to find the point where one is both thinking in a relaxed form and in a tense form such that one feels a sense of rising or lifting.
This is done correctly when one feels their head vibrating or 'tensing.'
As one familiarizes themselves with this contraction, a sense of yawning may come over you, it is important to not waste the energy, so it is better to hold the yawn in and use it for something more profound.
One will then contract all their thinking potential at the same time, which you may have done at a young age when you had a deep sense of doom come over you or felt profoundly excited and time started moving very slowly.
By contracting thinking potential all at once but with the anaerobic system, we can effect the pineal gland piezoelectrically and begin to sync with the magnetic environment around us.
Drugs and the Anaerobic Nervous System:
We of J believe this nervous-system is very hard to feel in your world due to environmental issues which include wifi among other things.
Boomers, as your world terms them, are quite familiar with this nervous-system and very much struggle using your technology because it was simply not necessary to think so deeply about life such that it required dexterous hands and a quick left and right hemisphere.
Losing feeling of this nervous-system completely causes suicidal thoughts and depression we believe, gaining feeling of this nervous-system awakens you to pains that you have equally been ignoring.
We of J hope that the drugs of your world may soon help the common man or woman make contact with their inner world.
For those who are very interested in this nervous system, we of J are currently working with our instrument such that he may explain how you can awaken it with will-power predominantly.
If you have any questions about the 'anaerobic nervous system' as we are calling it, please do ask.

In a lot of ways I'm having a very poly, very relationship anarchy version of the cliche "I'm in love with my best friend, help!" situation. I hope you read on though, because while I think the prototypical advice for this is "just tell them how you feel!", I think that advice is at the very least not clear cut in this situation. Or maybe I'm too close to it and that's exactly what I should do! Therein lies the problem.
In short, I'm in a situation where I have a proper serious crush on my best friend / semi-platonic life partner* (more on our relationship later); we've already proven to be really compatible people, and I think there's a real possibility that exploring kink and more romantic-style intimacy would be very positive, and it's something I'm curious about (to put it in more RA terms). That being said, I really love where our semi-platonic relationship has landed -- it's comfortable, it's unusual in a cool way, and I would be so happy to just have a version of what we have now for the rest of our lives. Part of my nerves for the "just tell them how you feel!" thing comes from that last part: I truly would be so happy with our relationship the way it is for the rest of our lives. If I knew that telling them how I feel compromises that, I just wouldn't. If I knew it just wouldn't work out between us, I just wouldn't. I've felt this way about them for a long time and really not struggled with the feelings, but I'm worried I might regret not asking just in case that's a relationship we could explore.
If you stop reading now the above is the core of my problem, but there's some extra context that does add color to it that I'll provide here below. For one, we both summarize our relationship to other people as (depending on how well they know poly / RA terms) either "besties / best friends" or "semi-platonic life partners". The most accurate summary I can give that isn't 10 paragraphs is essentially: emotionally sensual, somewhat physically intimate platonic life partners. We're very comfortable cuddling and being naked around each other, we do some non-sexual kink exploration together (like shibari), we are extremely emotionally close, and we're just two degenerate queers who like play and the outdoors and many other shared interests. We switch off between Riley and Jonesy energy (if you know Letterkenny; two hockey bro types that are always up to silly shenanigans) to art hoes and everything in-between. It's a special relationship already.
They are also in a romantic relationship with a good friend of mine (29M), and the three of us consider ourselves to be a thruple / polycule, just with one platonic member (me). They're very happy in that relationship and get their romantic needs met well in it. We all love each other a lot and generally are excited about a future together (all 3 of us). There's even been discussion of having children together (as in having, y'know, not just raising).
So it's tricky: I love where we're at. Our thruple is weird and cool and very very comfortable. The other two members have their needs met very well in this structure. So far our positioning as a group is that we're all open to a 4th member so that I also have romantic needs met, so it's got long term space for whatever. There's a wonderful thing here that I don't want to compromise, but that chance that a romantic relationship with my bestie would work is something I keep coming back to. Plus I feel like I'm keeping a secret from them, which I hate -- we don't really do that with anything else. It doesn't get in the way of my romantic relationships--I have a very lovely romantic relationship that's building with someone outside of this thruple--and like I said I'd be so happy to leave it as is if that's the best version of our relationship.
So uh, that's a little rambly. Thanks for reading to the end. Any advice or insight would be appreciated!