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Pacing and walking up to 14KM a day, only daydreaming
2024.05.14 07:10 Prot0w0gen2004 Pacing and walking up to 14KM a day, only daydreaming
It's an incredible exercise, but I've read that walking or stimming makes the daydreams more satisfying. I'm autistic and daydream way too much. And unfortunately, often it isn't simply vivid, but I experience the actual thing. To the extent of simulating pain, be it physical or emotional or simulating regular bodily functions.
But the only way to achieve these daydreams is by getting the blood pumping, I have paced, walked, ran up to 14KM a day just to keep the simulation going. And since this is more of an addiction, it significantly amplifies my autism so much. It's practically like a drug in every regard, by simply thinking really hard.
As I've said, this allows me to experience legit roles in exorbitantly detailed worlds. As someone who enjoys geopolitics and studies it, I often blend fiction (often times it's the furry visual novels that I consume) with the 'factual' (well researched) information that I know about geopolitics.
So while I'm daydreaming about a huge bara furry giving me a huge hug and going on a date, I make the world itself far more expansive and detailed, to the point of crating dozens, even a hundred different characters with conflicting or aligning interests, goals, cultures, languages, orientations, genders.
But none of it is healthy at all, it makes my life much more difficult unnecessarily and makes me depressed, lonely, tired (it doesn't come without a cost, I'm constantly exhausted), simply not being able to make new friends and wasting time. I plan on getting help (again) soon. I hope everyone who has this as well, also gets the help they need.
submitted by Prot0w0gen2004 to MaladaptiveDreaming [link] [comments]
But the only way to achieve these daydreams is by getting the blood pumping, I have paced, walked, ran up to 14KM a day just to keep the simulation going. And since this is more of an addiction, it significantly amplifies my autism so much. It's practically like a drug in every regard, by simply thinking really hard.
As I've said, this allows me to experience legit roles in exorbitantly detailed worlds. As someone who enjoys geopolitics and studies it, I often blend fiction (often times it's the furry visual novels that I consume) with the 'factual' (well researched) information that I know about geopolitics.
So while I'm daydreaming about a huge bara furry giving me a huge hug and going on a date, I make the world itself far more expansive and detailed, to the point of crating dozens, even a hundred different characters with conflicting or aligning interests, goals, cultures, languages, orientations, genders.
But none of it is healthy at all, it makes my life much more difficult unnecessarily and makes me depressed, lonely, tired (it doesn't come without a cost, I'm constantly exhausted), simply not being able to make new friends and wasting time. I plan on getting help (again) soon. I hope everyone who has this as well, also gets the help they need.
2024.05.14 07:00 NancyBlankenship [Get] Create 24/7 (Edition X) – The Blueprint for Building a Million Dollar Business Download
![[Get] Create 24/7 (Edition X) – The Blueprint for Building a Million Dollar Business Download](https://external-preview.redd.it/agal1ssoHqpznLq47xexuggP5pPI9gMREFeWP8BEbZo.jpg?width=320&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=7c36870651832def2f079e1f4c96bcb4c7d37ae2 "[Get] Create 24/7 (Edition X) – The Blueprint for Building a Million Dollar Business Download") | https://preview.redd.it/p90w2gteqb0d1.jpg?width=374&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=28ee900d99ef7c753eb3301e01a870fed7c7c3a5 submitted by NancyBlankenship to u/NancyBlankenship [link] [comments] Discover the proven methods I personally used to earn over one million dollars on X. This is everything you need to know to build a social media empire.This is the blueprint.Introducing:~Create 24/7 (Edition X): The Blueprint for Building a Million Dollar Business~Let me explain…Millions fail on social media because they waste time trying to figure it out on their own. You could get some results, but there’s a chance of wasting months on strategies that won’t get you anywhere. Create 24/7 changes the game. It is a step-by-step blueprint that shows you exactly what you need to do to build an audience so that you can start making money online.As a public school teacher, I learned that it’s all about systems. So, I set out to design a course that would be actionable on top of being informational. Most courses aren’t written with you in mind, this one is.Most courses are written by online marketers who don’t know how to teach. Good news, I’m BOTH. I’m a former public school teacher who taught for 20 years. I spent my spare time building an account from the ground up, growing an audience, and monetizing. I took detailed notes during the whole process and put them together for YOU.What would normally take years to learn by yourself, we’ve packaged together in ONE course.When it comes to building a business on X there are 3 steps to make money:
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2024.05.14 07:00 splat_bot Daily Workout and General Chat for Tuesday, 5/14/24
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2024.05.14 06:57 allstarh2osystem Exploring the Environmental Impacts of Reverse Osmosis Systems: Unveiling the Hidden Costs
 | Introduction submitted by allstarh2osystem to u/allstarh2osystem [link] [comments] Reverse osmosis (RO) systems have become increasingly popular for purifying water, promising clean and safe drinking water. However, behind the veil of purity lies a less discussed aspect - the environmental impacts of these systems. In this article, we delve into the hidden costs associated with reverse osmosis systems, shedding light on their environmental consequences. Understanding Reverse Osmosis Systems Before delving into the environmental impacts, let's first understand how reverse osmosis systems work. Allstar Water Systems specializes in RO systems designed to remove impurities and contaminants from water. Through a semi-permeable membrane, water is filtered, leaving behind pollutants, minerals, and salts, resulting in clean drinking water. Visit us at https://allstarh2o.com/ or call us at (888) 777-3777. Advantages of Reverse Osmosis Systems Reverse osmosis systems offer several advantages, making them a popular choice for water purification:
Despite their advantages, reverse osmosis systems also have some limitations and drawbacks:
While reverse osmosis systems provide clean water, they come with a significant environmental cost. Allstar Water Systems, like many providers, utilizes energy-intensive processes to operate these systems. The high pressure required to force water through the membrane demands substantial energy consumption, contributing to carbon emissions and environmental degradation. Energy Consumption and Carbon Footprint Allstar Water Systems acknowledges the energy-intensive nature of reverse osmosis systems. The constant operation of pumps and motors consumes a considerable amount of electricity, adding to the carbon footprint. As consumers strive for cleaner water, they inadvertently contribute to greenhouse gas emissions, exacerbating climate change. Waste Water Generation Another often overlooked aspect is the generation of wastewater during the filtration process. For every gallon of purified water produced, Allstar Water Systems generates several gallons of wastewater containing concentrated contaminants and pollutants. Proper disposal of this wastewater poses environmental challenges, especially in regions with limited water resources. Impact on Aquatic Ecosystems The discharge of concentrated brine into water bodies poses a threat to aquatic ecosystems. Allstar Water Systems acknowledges the importance of mitigating this impact and implements strategies to minimize harm. However, the cumulative effect of widespread RO system usage can disrupt the balance of aquatic environments, affecting marine life and biodiversity. Resource Depletion In addition to energy consumption, reverse osmosis systems contribute to resource depletion. The production of membranes, essential components of RO systems, requires significant amounts of raw materials, including plastics and chemicals. Allstar Water Systems recognizes the need for sustainable practices and continually explores alternatives to mitigate resource depletion. Addressing the Environmental Concerns Despite the environmental challenges, Allstar Water Systems remains committed to providing clean water solutions while minimizing ecological impact. By investing in energy-efficient technologies and exploring sustainable alternatives, the company aims to reduce its carbon footprint and promote environmental stewardship. Environmental Considerations in Reverse Osmosis Systems While reverse osmosis systems offer undeniable benefits in water purification, it's crucial to examine their environmental implications comprehensively. Allstar Water Systems acknowledges the importance of balancing water quality with environmental sustainability and actively addresses key environmental considerations associated with RO systems:
Reverse osmosis systems offer a convenient solution for obtaining clean drinking water, but their environmental impacts cannot be ignored. Allstar Water Systems recognizes the importance of addressing these concerns and strives to balance water purification with environmental responsibility. As consumers, it's crucial to be aware of the hidden costs associated with RO systems and advocate for sustainable water management practices. For more information on Allstar Water Systems and our commitment to environmental sustainability, visit www.allstarh2o.com or contact us at (888) 777-3777. |
2024.05.14 06:54 on-site_storage Tiny Homes: Living Small with Custom Shipping Containers
 | https://preview.redd.it/t5wt61kqhb0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=5bb8e805fa830edc58b1c7a423e395d9551935df submitted by on-site_storage to containerhomes [link] [comments] Custom shipping containers offer a unique and affordable solution for compact living spaces. Let's explore how these homes, referred to as tiny homes, provide a comfortable and sustainable lifestyle. https://preview.redd.it/hqj5g49thb0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=9a7e545ecd4f3239f48802a648908ac299572030 The Rise of Custom Shipping Containers: Revolutionizing Compact LivingCustom shipping containers have transformed compact living. These innovative structures create small, functional spaces and are also used to transport goods at affordable prices. By converting containers into cozy homes, individuals can enjoy comfortable living while also benefiting from the versatility of modified shipping containers. Tiny homes are popular due to their simplicity and minimalist lifestyle, offering a unique and fulfilling experience.The Benefits of Tiny Shipping Container HomesTiny homes, including those building a shipping container, offer numerous advantages that make them an appealing housing option. From practicality and energy efficiency to promoting minimalism and environmental sustainability, these compact dwellings provide a range of benefits for homeowners and the planet.Affordability: Tiny shipping container homes can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $35,000 for smaller and simpler models. Bigger container homes can go up to $70,000 or more, depending on whether they are prefab or custom-made. This affordable option allows individuals and families to get into the housing market and help stabilize communities. In comparison, the cost of a regular house can vary a lot based on location, size, and other factors. According to the National Association of Home Builders, the median price of a new single-family home in the United States in 2021 was $355,900. Remember, these numbers are averages and can change depending on different factors. Energy Saving: Using these shipping containers as tiny homes, is that they consume less energy for heating and cooling. As a result, not only do they contribute to lower utility bills, but they also help to reduce overall energy consumption, making them an environmentally friendly choice. Minimalism: Tiny shipping container homes represent minimalism, embracing simplicity and intentional living. We declutter and let go of unnecessary possessions, making space for what truly matters. Using shipping containers as tiny homes helps us prioritize experiences, relationships, and personal growth, leading to a more meaningful life. Embracing minimalism brings clarity, contentment, and freedom as we align with our core values and focus on joy and fulfillment. Eco-Friendly: Tiny shipping container homes have a smaller environmental impact than larger homes. This sustainable approach reduces material usage, energy consumption, land requirements, and resource conservation. It also minimizes the carbon footprint and promotes eco-friendly living. https://preview.redd.it/qnh2aacfob0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=81ec5c2811098dcdf19d3b9edcac9024e62a3ea3 Innovative Designs for Tiny Shipping Container HomesShipping containers can transform into cool and useful homes with endless design possibilities. Custom office and custom storage solutions can be incorporated to create multi-use areas that are flexible for work, relaxing, and hanging out. Loft beds save space and provide extra storage, while foldable furniture is handy and can easily change the room's layout. These ideas, along with smart storage solutions, help keep things organized and maximize space, making living spaces efficient and appealing.https://preview.redd.it/2lf4atemob0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=16d372f65173839db0ab28b35d373f06889720c7 By arranging rooms and adding small details, including doors and windows, and ensuring air conditioning, they create a personalized and welcoming home. By adding personal touches to tiny homes, owners create a unique space that reflects their personality. They carefully choose decor, customize furniture, and find creative storage solutions to transform a tiny home into a cozy sanctuary. Homeowners infuse their style and preferences, making their small living spaces a true reflection of themselves. ConclusionIn conclusion, custom shipping container tiny homes offer a one-of-a-kind and thrilling alternative to traditional housing. They are small, affordable, and eco-friendly, which makes them attractive to people who want a simpler lifestyle. With clever design solutions and the ability to customize, living in a small space can be comfortable and fulfilling. These unique homes provide a fresh and exciting way to embrace a more sustainable and minimalist way of living.Are you searching for shipping containers?Discover the world of custom shipping container tiny homes! These inventive dwellings provide a sustainable lifestyle with a minimalist appeal. With shipping containers, you can declutter your life while maximizing your living space. Contact On-Site Storage Solutions at [(888) 666-0520](tel:(888) 405-8772) for a free quote to start your stylish small living journey! |
2024.05.14 06:52 Bubah84 Sell share on CS
 | Good morning fellow apes, given the latest events of our beloved stonk, today I decided to see how to sell a share in case the MOASS occurs. submitted by Bubah84 to Superstonk [link] [comments] I selected "international wire" (I'm Italian) and entered my bank details. CS tells me it takes 2 weeks to verify. Now my question is this: can I still sell my shares in case it happens when my data has not been verified? Now stupid question: should I press "sell"? Thank you and sorry. But this thing scares me because I wouldn't want to have wasted 3 years of investments due to my own delay |
2024.05.14 06:28 Independent_Bag_2839 All used libs in app
 | I like that some flutter developers add a section in the app that contains list of all used packages in the app submitted by Independent_Bag_2839 to FlutterBeginner [link] [comments] And I did the same thing in my app App > Settings > About > Credit & Licenses You will see app used packages in the app also the licenses page at the end Please flutter developers do like that To make beginners learn fast I learned a lot of things from apps that shows used libs also :) Here is the link of the app if anyone interesting Google play: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.psh.time_wise |
2024.05.14 06:15 amiller1030 Ants… ANTS EVERYWHERE
I was gone for only two days and I left a bag of finished ihop in my room with some open syrup containers, idk I guess French fry grease etc. This isn’t a normal problem or a frequent occurrence where I leave trash like that out. Okay so there’s that, but then also I left my window open. It’s been pretty moist outside as it’s been raining. Now I come back into my bedroom and the sight of all these ants makes me wanna pack my bags and never come back. I’ll try to be as detailed as possible to describe the quantity as I’m probably being dramatic compared to what you guys normally deal with- I vacuumed up probably 20+, and the bag with the food contents had a lot crawling- I didn’t count. I’m still finding a couple crawling around and vacuuming them and emptying it in the toilet- I heard they give off some pheromone if they die that causes more to show up. What could I do about this? It seems like I might’ve caught it early but I’m getting all these nervous thoughts about eggs being laid and having an infestation. Unfortunately it’s 12:15am right now in New Jersey so I can’t go to the store at the moment. What are things I can do to handle this grave mistake I’ve made?
submitted by amiller1030 to pestcontrol [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 06:13 Expensive_Catch_3547 My mother / my abuser
Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…
submitted by Expensive_Catch_3547 to abusesurvivors [link] [comments]
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…
2024.05.14 06:07 Expensive_Catch_3547 My mother / my abuser
Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…
submitted by Expensive_Catch_3547 to u/Expensive_Catch_3547 [link] [comments]
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…
2024.05.14 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.
OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:
You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.
Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.
Why not adoption?With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.
Leave him and give him full custody of the twinsNo. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.
Just have a sexless marriage.No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.
What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.
Jack is sabotaging your birth controlI clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.
Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcareMy husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships
OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page
OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.14 05:58 moemoe0725 AITA to tell a coworker to stop spamming me on Snapchat
Tldr is at the end...This is from when I was in University when Snapchat was huge, and minor details that don't affect the story been changed so I don't break my NDA.
While in university I (20F) worked a internship. Every semester (4 months) they hire 8 students to work this internship and they are picky about who are hired. Criminal record checks, meet certain academic requirements, interviews, references etc. Those who come out of the internship can basically get any job within this field after they graduate.
The students are assigned to different processes of certain cases and we work under some well season professionals in this field.
There's a girl, Ashley (not her real name, 20F). I know of Ashley because a friend from a previous internship is friend with her.
Ashley joined us 1 and 1/2 week after everyone's start day because she had previously planned a vacation to see some basic white people music artist's concerts in the other side of the country.
She got everyone social media first day she was here and she seem generally normal. It was a little annoying to get her up to speed, but in a week she was able to work her part without too much direction from the rest of the students.
After the week of catching her up, she told the office she's going to the other side of the country to see the same artist's concert but in a different city. And she will leave in 3 days. She didn't tell us how long but she said it won't be long because the artist is only playing 1 show at that city.
While she was gone the professional are constantly bugging us students about the progress of the cases. We always have to tell them, that Ashley handles those part and she's away. After 3 weeks of Ashley being gone, the manager came to us students and ask us why we haven't finish theses things and learn that Ashley caused this. The manager decided to teach me and another student how to do Ashley part so we can get on with the cases. Ashley was gone for another 2 weeks after this.
Halfway through this internship, the school send someone to check in. I did my interview with the school representative and when I finished she ask me to get Ashley. I told her that Ashley isn't in, she's following some artist in the other side of the country. The rep was surprised to learn that and she said something along the lines of "she said her grandfather died, she should be back now"
All the student interns are very annoyed at Ashley because she's basically never here and we have to do so much more because she wasn't around. When Ashley came back, she forgotten all the processes and didn't even know the name of the professional she's partnered with.
So Ashley would just nap in the file room and not work. She will constantly bug me and the other students on how to do certain things and when the professionals ask why certain things aren't done or she did them wrong, she'll blame that we didn't teach her that.
In this internship we developed a little tradition where the students get lunch together on Wednesday, but it's not mandatory. One of the Wednesday when Ashley came to work, we all went to get dim sum together. Ashley said she don't eat meat for religious reasons so she will join for chatting but don't want to pay and had food in her cabinet. We thought that was fair enough as dim sum usually have some meat elements in them. Ashley proceeds to eat a fair amount of dim sum. Some of them, containing meat, even though we told her that there's meat in it. She said "it's okay because I'm just sampling it." and ordered 2 Cokes. I can't remember what the bill came to but we all have to chip in extra cash because Ashley "didn't really eat anything" even though you can see the chicken feet bones on her plate. She proceeded to make us accommodate her religious meatlessness when we pick restaurant for Wednesday lunches, thankfully she was barely in the office so it wasn't too big of a deal.
A little more time goes on and it's the last month of this internship and the student is trying to wrap up their cases to pass on to the new batch of students. Usually students need to sign an NDA about the stuff we did in the internship, and shred the copies of sensitive documents we keep in our cabinet.
Without telling anyone, Ashley just flew to a different country. Leaving all of us in a panic because without Ashley signing the NDA and her key to open her cabinet, the whole department can be liable to some serious trouble. The manager literally told us to contact Ashley anyway we can , so we can get Ashley back to sign the NDA and open her cabinet to see if there's anything we need to shred. Since I had Ashley on Snapchat, I told her that the manager need her back for this procedure or else we'll all be in big trouble. She told me that she won't be back in the county for another month cause she's following that same artist. And I told the manager that, and the manager just told us to do our part.
Since the day that I contacted Ashley on behalf of my manager, she been snapping me every single day. About her fancy latte, her front row seat of the concert, her hair being funky etc. While the rest of us students has to panic about the potential legal issues we are in and making up for the work she was supposed to be doing.
The day the internship was over, Ashley was as usual spamming me with her basic b latte in front of the concert venue of her basic white people music artist, and I sent her a message on Snapchat. "Please stop snapping me, I don't want to know about this concert anymore" She replied, "OH I'm sorry, I was just hitting reply all on my snap every time I post" and she never contacted me again.
A few months has passed, and I heard that she had started to talk behind my (and all the other students) back to anyone who'll listens, and made our mutual friend from the previous internship to cut me out of their lives.
Am I the asshole for telling her to stop snapping me?
Tldr: Am I the asshole to tell a coworker who missed half her prestigest internship to follow some music artist's tour and ate a bunch of food on everyone's dime to stop spamming me about the tour while everyone is trying to make up for her missing work.
submitted by moemoe0725 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
While in university I (20F) worked a internship. Every semester (4 months) they hire 8 students to work this internship and they are picky about who are hired. Criminal record checks, meet certain academic requirements, interviews, references etc. Those who come out of the internship can basically get any job within this field after they graduate.
The students are assigned to different processes of certain cases and we work under some well season professionals in this field.
There's a girl, Ashley (not her real name, 20F). I know of Ashley because a friend from a previous internship is friend with her.
Ashley joined us 1 and 1/2 week after everyone's start day because she had previously planned a vacation to see some basic white people music artist's concerts in the other side of the country.
She got everyone social media first day she was here and she seem generally normal. It was a little annoying to get her up to speed, but in a week she was able to work her part without too much direction from the rest of the students.
After the week of catching her up, she told the office she's going to the other side of the country to see the same artist's concert but in a different city. And she will leave in 3 days. She didn't tell us how long but she said it won't be long because the artist is only playing 1 show at that city.
While she was gone the professional are constantly bugging us students about the progress of the cases. We always have to tell them, that Ashley handles those part and she's away. After 3 weeks of Ashley being gone, the manager came to us students and ask us why we haven't finish theses things and learn that Ashley caused this. The manager decided to teach me and another student how to do Ashley part so we can get on with the cases. Ashley was gone for another 2 weeks after this.
Halfway through this internship, the school send someone to check in. I did my interview with the school representative and when I finished she ask me to get Ashley. I told her that Ashley isn't in, she's following some artist in the other side of the country. The rep was surprised to learn that and she said something along the lines of "she said her grandfather died, she should be back now"
All the student interns are very annoyed at Ashley because she's basically never here and we have to do so much more because she wasn't around. When Ashley came back, she forgotten all the processes and didn't even know the name of the professional she's partnered with.
So Ashley would just nap in the file room and not work. She will constantly bug me and the other students on how to do certain things and when the professionals ask why certain things aren't done or she did them wrong, she'll blame that we didn't teach her that.
In this internship we developed a little tradition where the students get lunch together on Wednesday, but it's not mandatory. One of the Wednesday when Ashley came to work, we all went to get dim sum together. Ashley said she don't eat meat for religious reasons so she will join for chatting but don't want to pay and had food in her cabinet. We thought that was fair enough as dim sum usually have some meat elements in them. Ashley proceeds to eat a fair amount of dim sum. Some of them, containing meat, even though we told her that there's meat in it. She said "it's okay because I'm just sampling it." and ordered 2 Cokes. I can't remember what the bill came to but we all have to chip in extra cash because Ashley "didn't really eat anything" even though you can see the chicken feet bones on her plate. She proceeded to make us accommodate her religious meatlessness when we pick restaurant for Wednesday lunches, thankfully she was barely in the office so it wasn't too big of a deal.
A little more time goes on and it's the last month of this internship and the student is trying to wrap up their cases to pass on to the new batch of students. Usually students need to sign an NDA about the stuff we did in the internship, and shred the copies of sensitive documents we keep in our cabinet.
Without telling anyone, Ashley just flew to a different country. Leaving all of us in a panic because without Ashley signing the NDA and her key to open her cabinet, the whole department can be liable to some serious trouble. The manager literally told us to contact Ashley anyway we can , so we can get Ashley back to sign the NDA and open her cabinet to see if there's anything we need to shred. Since I had Ashley on Snapchat, I told her that the manager need her back for this procedure or else we'll all be in big trouble. She told me that she won't be back in the county for another month cause she's following that same artist. And I told the manager that, and the manager just told us to do our part.
Since the day that I contacted Ashley on behalf of my manager, she been snapping me every single day. About her fancy latte, her front row seat of the concert, her hair being funky etc. While the rest of us students has to panic about the potential legal issues we are in and making up for the work she was supposed to be doing.
The day the internship was over, Ashley was as usual spamming me with her basic b latte in front of the concert venue of her basic white people music artist, and I sent her a message on Snapchat. "Please stop snapping me, I don't want to know about this concert anymore" She replied, "OH I'm sorry, I was just hitting reply all on my snap every time I post" and she never contacted me again.
A few months has passed, and I heard that she had started to talk behind my (and all the other students) back to anyone who'll listens, and made our mutual friend from the previous internship to cut me out of their lives.
Am I the asshole for telling her to stop snapping me?
Tldr: Am I the asshole to tell a coworker who missed half her prestigest internship to follow some music artist's tour and ate a bunch of food on everyone's dime to stop spamming me about the tour while everyone is trying to make up for her missing work.
2024.05.14 05:57 tab_rick Top 10 Bathtub Manufacturers Worldwide in 2023
 | The bathtub sector is a dynamic industry dedicated to meeting the advanced needs of clientele who prioritize luxury and tranquility in their bath experiences. Renowned bathtub producers, including bathtub companies, curate bespoke designs to cater to diverse preferences and necessities. Driven by the growing appetite for upscale bathtubs and comprehensive bathroom amenities, a multitude of manufacturers and enterprises have surfaced. These firms specialize in crafting bathtubs from an array of materials, ranging from solid surfaces and cast iron to innovative composites and natural stone. Together, global bathtub entities, such as bathtub companies, represent a continuously advancing industry, consistently innovating and showcasing a vast assortment of elite bathroom solutions. This post lists 10 top bathtub manufacturers in the world. submitted by tab_rick to KKRsolidsurface [link] [comments] Kingkonreehttps://preview.redd.it/ieqfag6tdb0d1.png?width=307&format=png&auto=webp&s=598012857204001b347ed40eefb5b157cc37d3b8 Company Location: Shenzhen, China Year of Establishment: 2000 Types of Business: Manufacturing Product Offered:
Founded in 2000, KKR initially specialized in the production of material panels. With time, we evolved and strategically positioned ourselves as industry leaders in the solid surface sector. Our products rigorously comply with ISO9001:2015, CE, CUPC, and SGS standards, underscoring our unwavering commitment to international quality benchmarks. Our expansive 15,000 m² manufacturing facility boasts the capacity to produce over 15,000 items per month. Globally, our presence extends across 100 countries, having successfully executed over 1,000 projects. Due to our stringent quality and hygiene standards, premier entities in the hotel industry regard us as their reliable partner. Kingkonree stands as a paramount figure in the industry, acclaimed for its unparalleled excellence in crafting solid surface bathtubs. Each bathtub is meticulously fashioned from elite acrylic solid surface materials, which guarantees remarkable longevity, coupled with impressive resistance to staining, abrasion, and discoloration. A distinctive hallmark of Kingkonree’s solid surface bathtubs is their versatile nature and the breadth of personalization they offer. Patrons are presented with a comprehensive spectrum of colors, patterns, and finishes, empowering them to curate a tailored bathroom environment. In addition, Kingkonree demonstrates proficiency in catering to specific size requisites, guaranteeing impeccable alignment with assorted bathroom layouts. Beyond its commitment to quality, Kingkonree signifies a beacon of environmental stewardship. The inherent non-toxic, non-porous, and sustainable attributes of their bathtubs establish them as a green alternative in the market. In tandem with this ethos, Kingkonree maintains stringent quality assurance protocols, ensuring that every bathtub seamlessly converges with the pinnacle of industry benchmarks. KohlerCompany Location: Wisconsin, USAYear of Establishment: 1873 Types of Business: Design and manufacturing Product Offered: Kohler offers a diverse selection of bath products designed to cater to various preferences and style. Their product line includes alcove bathtubs, drop-in bathtubs, freestanding bathtubs, corner bathtubs, jetted/whirlpool bathtubs, and showebathtub combinations. Kohler’s bathtubs are known for their exceptional craftsmanship, durability, and elegant design. About Company Background and Advantages: Founded in 1873 as the Sheboygan Union Iron and Steel Foundry, Kohler has evolved to become a paramount entity in the home appliance sector. Marking its significant milestones, such as the ingenious transformation of a cast-iron horse trough into a high-end enameled bathtub, Kohler proudly showcases its rich 150-year lineage. Today, the company is renowned for its pioneering designs and superior product offerings. Central to Kohler’s acclaim is its bathtub series, emblematic of the company’s unwavering commitment to excellence and resilience. Each bathtub is meticulously crafted from premier materials, undergoing rigorous quality assurance processes to ensure sustained performance. Particularly, Kohler’s acrylic bathtubs are engineered to ward off scratches, discoloration, and stains, maintaining their immaculate appearance and ease of maintenance. This relentless pursuit of quality positions Kohler bathtubs as a prime choice for both residential and commercial settings. In a bid to redefine bathing experiences, Kohler seamlessly integrates cutting-edge amenities into its products. Their jetted bathtubs epitomize relaxation, with strategically aligned jets offering a therapeutic sensation, making every soak a serene escapade. Complemented with innovative water treatment solutions, Kohler promises an invigorating bath experience. From an aesthetic standpoint, Kohler presents an expansive spectrum, encompassing sleek freestanding models to timeless inset varieties. Their design acumen guarantees that each bathtub, inclusive of the freestanding variants, merges optimal functionality with aesthetic finesse, bestowing an air of sophistication upon any bathroom setting. Choosing Kohler transcends a mere transaction; it signifies an allegiance to a refined bathing haven. TOTOCompany Location: Tokyo, JapanYear of Establishment: 1917 Types of Business: Manufacturing Product Offered: TOTO, a leading manufacturer of bathroom fixtures, offers a diverse range of bathtubs designed to enhance bathing experiences. Their product line includes:
Founded in 1917, TOTO has consistently set the gold standard in the bathroom fixtures domain. Recognized on a global scale, TOTO delivers premier products that define industry standards. Their overarching mission is to transform daily routines with cutting-edge bathroom solutions, encompassing features such as heating to enhance comfort during chilly spells. TOTO is unwavering in its dedication to technological advancement. The firm has introduced pioneering innovations including the Tornado Flush for unparalleled waste management, the CEFIONTECT coating for sustaining hygienic surfaces, and the sophisticated Washlet bidet system, emphasizing both hygiene and user-friendliness. Central to TOTO’s ethos is environmental stewardship. Their product developments emphasize water conservation without compromising on performance. This commitment to sustainable practices has earned them a plethora of certifications and recognitions. The myriad of accolades and distinctions bestowed upon TOTO affirm their eminent position in the industry. As market trailblazers, they consistently adapt and innovate to meet the evolving needs of their clientele. American StandardCompany Location: Piscataway, New Jersey, USAYear of Establishment: 1872 Types of Business: Manufacturing Product Offered: American Standard specializes in a diverse range of bathtubs, catering to various design preferences and requirements. Their product line includes alcove bathtubs, drop-in bathtubs, freestanding bathtubs, and walk-in bathtubs. With a commitment to innovation, American Standard offers advanced features such as whirlpool systems, hydrotherapy options, and ergonomic designs. About Company Background and Advantages: Established in 1872, American Standard stands distinguished in its provision of exceptional quality bathroom fixtures, with a marked speciality in bathtubs. The organization harbors a steadfast dedication to the fusion of innovation and practicality in its designs, aiming to profoundly elevate the user’s bathing experience. A pivotal attribute of American Standard’s bathtubs is the meticulous integration of water-conservation technologies. Through the incorporation of cutting-edge systems, such as EcoSilent, the company ardently pursues the optimization of water utilization, aligning environmental sustainability with substantive economic advantages. In terms of durability, American Standard meticulously crafts bathtubs employing premium materials, encompassing acrylic and cast iron, thereby ensuring an enduring robustness and formidable resilience to the rigors of daily use. The exemplary artifacts they produce seamlessly align with elevated industry benchmarks, manifesting the company’s unwavering commitment to exhaustive testing processes and an unparalleled quality assurance ethos. The consumer-centric approach of American Standard shines prominently, as evidenced by their offering of a versatile array of models imbued with ergonomic considerations and integrated armrests. Their sophisticated portfolio encompasses a breathtaking diversity, featuring luxurious deep-soak bathtubs that invoke a sublime, spa-like ambiance, as well as thoughtfully designed walk-in variants, thus catering proficiently to a comprehensive array of preferences and functional necessities. RocaCompany Location: Barcelona, SpainYear of Establishment: 1917 Types of Business: Design and production Product Offered: Roca offers a wide range of bathtubs designed to cater to diverse preferences and needs. Their product line includes freestanding bathtubs, corner bathtubs, drop-in bathtubs, and whirlpool bathtubs. With a focus on innovation, quality, and style, Roca’s bathtubs are crafted to provide a luxurious and rejuvenating bathing experience. About Company Background and Advantages: Founded in 1917 in Barcelona, Roca has evolved into a globally acclaimed leader in superior bathroom solutions. Dedicated to innovation, the company adeptly balances aesthetic allure with functional design and enduring resilience. At its core, Roca’s mission is to elevate the bathroom experience, ensuring unparalleled comfort for its clientele. Roca’s bathtubs stand out for their avant-garde features. Particularly, their whirlpool tubs are equipped with advanced hydrotherapy functionalities, providing therapeutic massages and facilitating a luxurious spa ambiance within the seclusion of one’s residence. Employing only the finest materials and harnessing cutting-edge manufacturing techniques, Roca guarantees precision in every bathtub’s production, ensuring its longevity. This unwavering commitment to quality has solidified Roca’s reputation as a trusted global provider of bathroom solutions. Furthermore, Roca’s bathtubs are epitomes of elegance. Their range encompasses both contemporary and classic designs, catering to diverse aesthetic preferences. Beyond mere functionality, Roca bathtubs serve as sophisticated focal points, imbuing bathrooms with an essence of refinement. WoodbridgeCompany Location: Woodbridge, New Jersey, USAYear of Establishment: 2005 Types of Business: Manufacturing Product Offered: Woodbridge specializes in a wide range of luxurious and innovative bathtubs. Their product line includes freestanding bathtubs, alcove bathtubs, drop-in bathtubs, and whirlpool bathtubs. Each bathtub is designed with premium materials and advanced technologies to provide a sophisticated and indulgent bathing experience. About Company Background and Advantages: Founded in 2005, Woodbridge has swiftly cemented its reputation as a premier bathtub manufacturer, renowned for its unparalleled quality, sophisticated aesthetics, and cutting-edge designs. The brand’s unwavering commitment to excellence is underscored by the consistently favorable reviews from its clientele and its extensive product range. Constructed using premium materials such as acrylic and fiberglass, Woodbridge bathtubs promise enduring resilience. Leveraging state-of-the-art manufacturing techniques, the bathtubs are furnished with a robust finish that is adept at warding off stains, scratches, and fading, ensuring the product’s immaculate appearance is sustained over the years. A hallmark of Woodbridge’s offerings is the harmonious blend of avant-garde design with user-centric comfort. Numerous models are equipped with hydrotherapy features, including whirlpool jets and air massage systems, providing an oasis of therapeutic relaxation. Furthermore, their bathtubs are meticulously crafted, boasting capacious interiors that amplify the bathing experience. Attuned to the evolving needs of their clientele, Woodbridge designs bathtubs that seamlessly complement a myriad of bathroom decors. Their steadfast dedication to premium customer service ensures reliable product support and post-purchase assistance. KaldeweiCompany Location: Ahlen, GermanyYear of Establishment: 1918 Types of Business: Manufacturing Products Offered: Kaldewei specializes in the production of high-quality bathroom solutions, with a focus on luxury steel enamel bathtubs and shower surfaces. They offer a wide range of product options including freestanding bathtubs, built-in bathtubs, shower trays, and whirlpool systems. About Company Background and Advantages: Established in 1918 and headquartered in Ahlen, Germany, Kaldewei stands as a distinguished pioneer in the luxury bathroom industry. Over the years, the company has ascended to the zenith of the international market, distinguishing itself as a purveyor of premium bathroom essentials and state-of-the-art water systems. At the heart of Kaldewei’s ethos is the fusion of aesthetic excellence, pioneering technology, and sustainable practices, culminating in products that set industry benchmarks. A salient attribute of Kaldewei’s offerings is their incorporation of steel enamel. This superior material guarantees not only the longevity and resilience of their bathtubs and showers but also ensures effortless maintenance, encapsulating the essence of a lavish yet lasting bath experience. Their manufacturing paradigm marries avant-garde methodologies with meticulous craftsmanship, all underpinned by rigorous quality oversight. Beyond their product excellence, Kaldewei’s commitment to the environment is unwavering. They champion eco-conscious manufacturing paradigms, judicious utilization of natural resources, enhanced energy efficiency, and the production of recyclable goods. This unwavering commitment to environmental stewardship has garnered them commendations and certifications in recognition of their sustainable initiatives. With an expansive portfolio that caters to diverse aesthetic preferences, Kaldewei meticulously curates bathroom solutions that resonate with individual tastes and design inclinations. They are unrivaled in delivering opulent bathing experiences that seamlessly blend sophistication, comfort, and functionality. DuravitCompany Location: Hornberg, GermanyYear of Establishment: 1817 Types of Business: Manufacturing and design Products Offered: Duravit specializes in a wide range of bathroom fixtures and solutions, offering innovative designs, exceptional quality, and functionality. Their product portfolio includes toilets, basins, bathtubs, showers, furniture, accessories, and wellness systems. About Company Background and Advantages: Established in 1817 in Hornberg, Germany, Duravit stands at the forefront of contemporary bathroom solutions. As a globally acclaimed entity, their unwavering commitment to superior quality and pioneering designs sets them apart in the industry. Each bathtub from Duravit exemplifies unparalleled craftsmanship and meticulous attention to detail, manifesting their ethos of excellence. Constructed using premium materials, these bathtubs guarantee robustness and longevity. Duravit is celebrated for its sophisticated designs which seamlessly blend aesthetics with practicality, transforming bathroom ambiances and providing unparalleled comfort. In its operations, Duravit ardently champions sustainability, placing emphasis on resource conservation, ethical production processes, and the creation of enduring products. Their dedication to environmental stewardship has garnered them numerous recognitions. With an expansive portfolio of bathroom products, Duravit caters to a wide spectrum of preferences and requirements. Whether one desires understated elegance or opulent grandeur, Duravit persistently ensures impeccable quality and utmost customer satisfaction. DeltaCompany Location: Indianapolis, Indiana, USAYear of Establishment: 1954 Types of Business: Design and manufacturing Products Offered: Delta, along with its major flagship brands Peerless, Brizzo, and First Wave, offers a wide range of bathtubs to meet both kitchen and bathroom needs. Their product line includes freestanding and drop-in bathtubs, all available in acrylic. These bathtubs come in multiple finishes such as nickel, brass, chrome, and matte, allowing customers to customize their bathing spaces. Product Offered: Delta, along with its flagship brands Peerless, Brizzo, and First Wave, specializes in manufacturing a wide range of faucets and fixtures for both kitchens and bathrooms. They offer different styles to suit various design preferences and requirements. Additionally, Delta provides freestanding and drop-in bathtubs in acrylic with multiple finish options such as nickel, brass, chrome, and matte. About Company Background and Advantages: Established in 1958, Delta is renowned for its unparalleled quality in faucets, fixtures, and bathing solutions. The design versatility and enduring resilience of their bathtubs are particularly commendable. As of 2023, Delta’s bathtubs are the preferred choice for discerning clientele. Engineered with meticulous precision, these bathtubs epitomize structural integrity and superior user satisfaction. The utilization of high-grade acrylic not only imparts a sophisticated appearance but also efficiently retains heat and necessitates minimal upkeep. This robust material is exceptionally resistant to discoloration, fading, and cracking, ensuring a product that retains its elegance over time. Collaborating with esteemed brands such as Peerless, Brizzo, and First Wave, Delta presents an expansive array of designs. Whether the preference is for a freestanding bathtub or one that harmonizes with its surroundings, Delta caters to a spectrum of design inclinations. An extensive range of finishes, spanning from nickel to matte, empowers consumers to customize their bathroom ambiance. Delta’s distinguishing trait is its unwavering commitment to innovation and customer satisfaction. Their bathtubs are designed with a keen emphasis on comfort, showcasing ergonomic contours and consistent water flow, facilitating a tranquil bathing experience. Bolstered by an extensive retail framework and a seamless online interface, the process of selecting and acquiring a Delta bathtub is both convenient and efficient. MansfieldCompany Location: Perrysville, Ohio, USAYear of Establishment: 1929 Types of Business: Manufacturing Product Offered: Mansfield Plumbing Products (MPP) offers a comprehensive range of plumbing fixtures and fittings, including an extensive lineup of bathtubs. Their current line of bathtubs includes various types and styles, catering to the diverse preferences of their customers. About Company Background and Advantages: Established in 1929, Mansfield Plumbing Products stands as a distinguished purveyor of premier plumbing fixtures, including shower bases. With a strategic presence across the United States, Puerto Rico, and Canada, and fortified by an expansive network of over 4,000 distributors, Mansfield ensures the consistent availability of its superior products to a broad clientele. Mansfield’s bathtub collection exemplifies a sophisticated convergence of functionality and visual elegance. Each bathtub is a manifestation of impeccable craftsmanship, constructed with resilient materials guaranteeing enduring efficacy. The assortment offers an abundant spectrum of designs, accommodating a wide range of aesthetic preferences and interior bathroom styles. Continually dedicated to innovation and superior quality, Mansfield diligently refines its product range, presenting an all-encompassing array of bathtubs fashioned to address the varied demands and inclinations of its clientele. Every product is meticulously designed, seamlessly integrating quality, style, and practicality. Central to Mansfield’s ethos is an unrelenting commitment to client satisfaction. Beyond delivering exceptional products, the company emphasizes exemplary customer support and post-purchase services. This steadfast dedication to service excellence, product quality, and innovative design solidifies Mansfield’s esteemed standing in the plumbing industry. How to Choose Bathtub Manufacturers?When selecting bathtub manufacturers, it’s essential to approach the decision-making process with a comprehensive perspective. Here are some refined considerations to guide your selection:
Why KKR?
ConclusionIn conclusion, the industry dedicated to the production of bathtubs is undergoing significant growth, primarily catering to enterprises within the furniture manufacturing sphere as well as various other commercial entities. Our portfolio encompasses an extensive variety of bathtubs, each distinguished by its unique design, composition of materials, and functional attributes. Esteemed manufacturers, including Kingkonree, contribute to our collection through offerings of bespoke customization options. For more comprehensive information, we invite you to reach out to us via email or engage in a direct consultation with our expert team. |
2024.05.14 05:49 Northern-Error Text Overlay on Grid
Hello,
I am just starting out with basic web design, and I am struggling to find a way to put my text over the images in a grid for the different services offered at this barbershop. Sorry for the messy code.
Here is an image of a rough mockup I made of the website look I am trying to achieve: https://imgur.com/zltXPrT
Any tips or helps would be greatly appreciated.
I am just starting out with basic web design, and I am struggling to find a way to put my text over the images in a grid for the different services offered at this barbershop. Sorry for the messy code.
Here is an image of a rough mockup I made of the website look I am trying to achieve: https://imgur.com/zltXPrT
Any tips or helps would be greatly appreciated.
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