I’m waiting on a test result and I’m pretty sure I have this based on other symptoms but one thing that doesn’t make sense is the constant restless arms and legs that is driving me crazy and making me miserable.
It has started around the same time as my other symptoms but I’m also a few months out from a Covid infection and worried it’s linked to that….

I’m pretty sure the answer is “no” but just want some other input.
We currently have 2 different sites with their own UDM pros. This summer we are consolidating both sites into a single 4 story building.
The current plan is to have around 15 APs per floor, each tied to a 24 port pro switch. Then those switches will be run to a single UDM Pro Max.
With this plan I’m going to end up with a couple extra UDM pros. Is there any reason to keep them?
I expect roughly 600 wireless devices ( laptops, tvs, printers) throughout the building, a couple on premise servers, and maybe 20 IP phones. The majority of traffic will be internet.
Thoughts?

59 Year Old, Male, 275 lbs, 5'11"

1. 2018 Summer - Experienced an injury to my scalp that did not heal quickly.
2. 2018 Fall - Itching dandruff spot on head appear in same area, similar to what I was experiencing on my chins since 2008.
3. 2019 Fall - The problem covered all of my scalp. A California Dermatologist (SD) me with Seborrheic Dermatitis and gave me steroid cremes, these made my skin thin. Now looked like serious burn. Leg and Head. SD starting to affect me psychologically and professionally.
4. COVID - Visited 2nd dermatologist in Maryland and they gave me liquid Betmethazone Dipropionate. Lotion. Was a liquid in a super small bottle. Got some relief but would run out in less than two weeks. Had to apply multiple times per day and still was terrible shedding. Using this was not sustainable.
5. 2023 Fall - September: Saw third dermatologist asking for anti-fungal medication. I had heard that Malassezia yeast was a trigger. The Dr. refused and I did not want to use immune suppressant he recommended and prescribed. I figured I need my immune system and looked for the trigger. Also suffer from joint pain, stiffness, lethargy, etc. etc. Suspect I may have general arthritis and getting old very quick.
6. December 2023 - Very depressed and frustrated with SD. I was told if I shaved my head this might resolve the problem. Cutting my hair very close to scalp, #0 ManScaping, did not resolve the problem... If I shaved I would have cut into my skin. However, I was better able to debris the dry skin and apply medicine. I began trimming hair to #0 every other day.
7. January 2024 - Thinking the problem was still a fungal trigger I purchased two products from Amazon: Pet Honesty Chlorhexidine Cat & Dog Anti-Itch Shampoo. It contains, 2% Chlorhexidine and 1% Ketoconazole. After washing my skin, I also used Alpha Paw - Antibacterial & Antifungal Wipes. The higher concentrations of medicine is important. Health insurance did not pay. I used these over the counter items in isolation, no oils or lotion. I would cover my head with a beanie and leave my leg open to the air. I did this after shower before bed and upon rising each morning. For the first time in 4 years I began to see some relief. I was able to reduce the amount of irritation and large areas of swelling and scaling reduced. This occurred almost immediately. Yes, using this product burns somewhat but is bearable as compared to chronic itching.
8. March 2024 - Area on my leg is getting back to normal on the edges and my scalp is now only dandruff, not huge flakes. No more open sores on head, and sores on legs reducing.
9. May 2024 - I decided to take on the issue of inflammation in my entire body head on. I started fasting. I drank only 2 liters of Emergen-C per day, iced coffee with cream for a period one week. I went on a daily hour long walk and normal routine. By day 5 of my fast the change to the SD was pretty incredible. The skin swelling on my head is greatly reduced and the dandruff is minimal as compared to weeks prior. Joint pain is gone, feel much better. I broke my fast on Day 7 with a salad and hard boiled eggs.
10. Going Forward: I will be continuing to cut hair, apply anti-fungal and fast several day on and off until I reach desired weight and skin clear completely. Currently 240 lbs, goal of 180 lbs. I am currently consulting a fasting expert and adjusting accordingly. Goal is to stay in ketosis as much as possible. Repair biome with probiotics and continue to treat skin to ward off overgrowth yeast or fungus. I am moving back west and will be doing Hot Yoga in AZ. I plan to diet, sweat, and get this cleared up for good. I will post more in a few weeks.

I made this burner account, I don't know how this site really works so hopefully I'm using it right
I'm a 20 year old male and I want to kill myself I'm lost, and don't see the point in trying to push on living anymore. I've come from an abusive household, thrown into another bad housing situation I currently live in a walk in closet, and unfortunately I'm too physically and mentally disabled to work functionally enough to do a 'normal job' I have been diagnosed with multiple things thought my life, schizoaffective, and DID run my entire life. I can't remember much of my childhood, and retaining memory for day to day living is taxing. My emotions are overwhelming, I feel every emotion but cranked up 10x. I have lots of issues with my legs, I'm unable to walk for long periods of time because of my disability. I want to kill myself because I don't think there's one person that can truly get down to my level. I want to kill myself because I would rather do that then feel like I'm a lab rat. I am an artist, but seeing the state of the animation industry and the state of ai has me terrified. Ever since I was a little kid I had a dream to share my stories and make comics but I just don't know if I have that strength anymore I want to kill myself because I am the definition of wasted potential. My mother and father are dead, and I have no connection with anyone in my family. I have lived without any connection from family for 3 years. I ran away from home at 17
My mom had an ulcer, she bled out. Puked up blood until she died I hadn't seen her for 3 years because I cut contact. She was abusive, physically, mentally, maybe even sexually. My dad died (maybe) of cardiac arrest. He was an alcoholic, and also physically and verbally abusive. The last time I contacted him was through Facebook Messenger, he told me he was in the hospital then suddenly stopped texting me entirely I was still a kid
I feel so incredibly lonely all the time, how long would it take for my roommates to find my body? I sit in my room and starve in hopes maybe I'll lose enough weight to be pretty I sit in my room high, just like my stoner mother I want to kill myself because I have no hope that things will get better, and that I'll eventually end up in the same hole my mom did My roommates will sit and watch me rot away, just as I watched my mom rot away I have no friends, in a sense of I don't have anyone that has truly connected to me. Sure I have people I talk to but do those people willingly come out and talk to me or try to learn about me? No. Do these people have a deep connection with me? No, and they aren't willing to. They purposely isolate me I can't reach out to my therapist, if I tell him how I really feel I'll be thrown in a hospital somewhere Tried to call a hotline and they hung up on me, ironic, so I've learned to just stay quiet about things and sit in the bathroom cutting my wrists instead. I'm always the glue in friendships, they will dwindle away eventually, no matter how much I try to bend and mold myself to fit their needs They make fun of me for it, saying I can't go 15 minutes without being perceived Maybe I'm selfish
I want to feel pretty, and loved, I so badly want to have purpose. But I cannot bear the agony that is loneliness, and I want to die. I want to be someone's son, a boyfriend, a husband or maybe even father, but I'm worried that's just wishful thinking.

I have been renting through a private landlord for the last two years.
I've always paid my rent and the condition of the house has always been pretty good. Not pristine, but pretty good.
Over a week ago I noticed a problem with water accumulation under my bath and spreading out after I showered. My landlord came round,fixed it but also seen a few things he didn't like the look of so ordered an inspection within 7 days notice.
A few things he seen I have admitted to being my fault and have offered to sort myself and pay myself.
One thing he seen and did not like was a 1.5cm scuff Mark on the worktop. He is now saying for this 'damage' he needs a full new worktop and fitting which I will have to pay.
I not only dispute that it is intentional damage or misuse but more a wear and tear issue over two years of me being here and no inpsection being done in that time, but also I find the remedy to this wholly disproportionate.
Do I have a leg to stand on?

I have pretty severe inattentive type ADHD. I take a combo of straterra and Ritalin daily that really works for me, but I have the worst time falling asleep and staying asleep. Melatonin works but gives me some crazy dreams. I started taking magnesium lately for the restless leg and it really helps, but not with sleeping. I tried CBD heavy vape pens and they work okay but they're a bit expensive. So far the best thing has been Xanax but I end up sleeping like the dead for ten hours and I'm reluctant to take it very often. Do you have any tips or tricks that might help? Thanks in advance!

I have been renting through a private landlord for the last two years.
I've always paid my rent and the condition of the house has always been pretty good. Not pristine, but pretty good.
Over a week ago I noticed a problem with water accumulation under my bath and spreading out after I showered. My landlord came round,fixed it but also seen a few things he didn't like the look of so ordered an inspection within 7 days notice.
A few things he seen I have admitted to being my fault and have offered to sort myself and pay myself.
One thing he seen and did not like was a 1.5cm scuff Mark on the worktop. He is now saying for this 'damage' he needs a full new worktop and fitting which I will have to pay.
I not only dispute that it is intentional damage or misuse but more a wear and tear issue over two years of me being here and no inpsection being done in that time, but also I find the remedy to this wholly disproportionate.
Do I have a leg to stand on?

I have been renting through a private landlord for the last two years.
I've always paid my rent and the condition of the house has always been pretty good. Not pristine, but pretty good.
Over a week ago I noticed a problem with water accumulation under my bath and spreading out after I showered. My landlord came round,fixed it but also seen a few things he didn't like the look of so ordered an inspection within 7 days notice.
A few things he seen I have admitted to being my fault and have offered to sort myself and pay myself.
One thing he seen and did not like was a 1.5cm scuff Mark on the worktop. He is now saying for this 'damage' he needs a full new worktop and fitting which I will have to pay.
I not only dispute that it is intentional damage or misuse but more a wear and tear issue over two years of me being here and no inpsection being done in that time, but also I find the remedy to this wholly disproportionate.
Do I have a leg to stand on?

Trigger warning - religious differences
I always bragged about how awesome my extended family was. NO family is perfect, but I heard horror stories and always counted my blessings that I had strong ties with my Aunt and uncles since I was raised an only child. That was until a few months ago when my last living Aunt, whom I considered a second mom, shattered me.
Ok, some backstory here. My aunt is a Jehovah’s Witness. Now before you get all judgy, I have always loved her, my uncle and her son with all of my heart. I still do. I respect that they have found faith and live by this code on the daily. I have met many people from their congregation and loved them all (ok, a couple of exceptions). I also appreciate the community they have and love they all show each other. If it weren’t for the religion itself, I would have converted.
I, however, am pagan and have always been since I was about 5 (even the first book I signed out from the school’s library was about witchcraft). Not raised that way, but always found spiritual comfort in nature and the natural world. I have a very strong connection and dedication to my Powers That Be and work every day to help the world be a better place. My Aunt did not know my religion until about 7 years ago. That being said, she and I would have very philosophical conversations when we hung out together. Even at the age of 8, I would listen to her preach to me and ask questions to which she never had answers. I remember her telling me how only 144,000 people would be allowed in heaven and didn’t I think that would be wonderful knowing that our whole family could be together again after we died. We’d all be in heaven if we were all Jehova;s witnesses. I had gone with her many times to do field service (door to door) and asked her why they do that if there’s only a certain number of people allowed. Didn’t that lessen her chances of getting in because I’m sure there were many people more deserving than myself. How did she know for sure she’d be one of the ones to get in and was that fair to keep bringing people into the religion when all the spaces were probably already filled up?
At 8 years old, I had many questions and was just trying to figure these things out. Since she was an adult, I figured she had the answers. My questions were not with malice, just for a want of better understanding. When she didn’t have the answers, I'd ask my mother and grandmother. While they were extremely amused, they said they never understood either. They never said anything bad about her or her attempts to get them to convert, just allowed me to explore religion and spirituality as I wished so I could make my own decision of what was right for me.
Once I was an adult, I avoided talking to her about religion, but found that if I didn’t ask questions and just let her talk, it made her happy. I know she’s a good person at heart and that’s all that matters. After my Mom passed, my aunt and I talked almost every week. I loved talking to her and she became even more like a mom to me. She gave me encouragement and we supported each other through health and emotional crises. I’d make it a point to try and visit at least once a year for a few days so she could visit with my daughter and I. We’d always do lunch with her friends and I loved it. I fell in love with some of the people in her congregation and wished we could live closer to hang out more. I, however, never wavered on my spiritual beliefs, but I have never cared about the religion, race, or sexuality of anyone. If we got along, we were friends and that was that.
My aunt and I had come to an understanding that I would not convert and that we would love and respect each other regardless. Religious talk was off the table for the most part until both of my uncles (my aunt’s two brothers) passed and she had a very hard time dealing with it. She was the last surviving sibling and she was sinking into a depression. I’d talk to her at length and listen to her as she mourned the fact that she would never have contact with them (and my mom) in heaven because they never converted. When she asked me what I believed, I told her that I believed that the soul lived on after the body died and that I believed in reincarnation. I explained my beliefs were closer to hindu and buddhism than christianity (so she had context). We had very long talks and she expressed that she respected my views and actually found comfort in talking with me.
That was until my daughter and I opened our store about 3 years ago. It’s a metaphysical shop and we have crystals, teas, gifts, jewelry, candles and more (about 10% strict;y pagan). My aunt was happy for us until it dawned on her that we might sell pagan stuff. I told her what we sold and she asked me if I was a witch. I replied that I suppose that was one way to describe me, but, again, I considered myself spiritual and that I followed a path closer to buddhism, hinduism, native american. I sent a couple of pictures of the jewelry that we made and she said when we came down, we should bring the jewelry making.
We did, I brought down our best crystals to wrap and bracelet materials and my daughter and I made her a necklace with a very expensive stone (A $200 piece). She brought her friends over and they picked out crystals that they wanted, made bracelets and such. We had fun and I was happy to do it, though I wasn’t expecting people that I had never met before. Still, we had fun. My daughter and I also brought her a basket with local items from our hometown, (Raw honey, handmade stoneware mugs, cutting board, herbal tea and some other items made by us as well) She was thrilled. My aunt and uncle had taken a couple of bad falls a few months before and so my daughter and I made them hand carved cedar walking sticks as well because we knew they went for regular walks and thought it would help their balance. It felt amazing to lavish expensive and heartfelt gifts on them as I has struggled so long with money. I was finally in a place that I could do it. To say the gifts probably totalled in excess of 1K is on the low side, but I was still happy to do it.
Besides the fact that they tried converting my daughter when I wasn’t around, it was a lovely visit. The only problem I had was with a new person my aunt introduced us to. This woman, we’ll call her Dee, ignored me and only talked to my daughter. She was my age if not older, but conversed with my daughter, 17, like I wasn’t there. They traded contact info and Dee insisted that they keep in touch while my daughter was in college. Dee said she was going to keep an eye on her. I thought that was odd, but I did enjoy the feeling of having an extended family sort of since I actually had no family besides my Aunt.
Let’s jump forward to the following year and we were struggling financially. Not horrible, but unable to lavish the gifts that we did the year before. Instead, I created a beautiful aromatherapy candle, some delicious herbal teas and we found a couple of very rare antique tea cups that had amazing value to them (about $100 a piece). We made a basket for her and I decided we would cook for them. (gluten free, soy free, dairy free etc). Our visit went so well, it was great to see them. We just enjoyed hanging out with them and talking. They loved the meal we made for them and the dairy free organic chocolate I made. Everything was great until the day we were leaving. Dee showed up and again ignored me, talked to my daughter and chastised her for getting a pet snake as that was an animal associated with the devil. My daughter is one to push the envelope a bit and said how she wanted to get a tattoo as well, one of a snake. Both my aunt and Dee were shocked and said she should never get a tattoo.. Again related to the devil, I went to the bathroom as I was not involved in the conversation and knew my daughter could hold her own. Little do they know that my daughter is also trans. I told her not to say anything to them just yet. I came back to them talking about how college was going and I thought my aunt and Dee would faint when she said her college roommate was male. She quickly explained that it was fine because he was gay and how awesome he was (he is btw). She quickly realized what I meant when she saw their reaction to him being gay. It wasn’t that she was living with a boy, it was that he was gay and “why did he choose to be gay.” I tried redirecting the conversation a couple of times, but they ignored me.
They finally let it go, but just after Dee left, we were getting ready to depart as well. My aunt returned the basket I made for her (minus the expensive tea cups). She said she could not accept them as they were touched by the devil. Shocked, I asked what she meant. She said that because they came from my store, they carried Satan's influence and she could not have them in our home. Truthfully, I explained that I made those items for her and that the only things that came from the store were the teacups. She was confused why I had gotten upset. When I explained that I gave her a gift and if she didn’t want it, she could regift it or throw it away. That gift came from my heart with all the love I have for her and that I didn't need to know her opinions about the gifts because It insinuated I, myself, was evil and it was extremely hurtful. She basically continued on insisting that I was just not aware of how much Satan had a hold of me. All I could do was tell her how much I loved her and leave.
I didn’t take her calls and cried about this for over a month. I finally felt strong enough to talk to her and again she insisted that because those items touched my hands, they were influenced by satan and she wished I could understand how they just can’t have that influence in their home. Frustrated, I asked how she could shop at grocery stores or buy anything from department stores because she can’t guarantee that those items didn’t touch hands that were influenced by satan. Also , I asked her how they could have eaten the food I prepared for them and why did they even invite me into their home to begin with if that’s the way she felt about me. She suddenly needed to go.
We talked a few times since then but it always came back to religion. At one point I asked her again why she would even invite us to her home if she felt that way. Her response was to save my daughter. The pain and heartache she has inflicted is immense, but I cannot bring myself to argue the point because I’m afraid if I make my point to her, it will break her. She’s in her 80’s and I believe has the beginnings of dementia. Her religion brings her comfort and I don’t want to say anything that might make her doubt her religion at her advanced age.
I’ve decided it is probably best for both of our mental health to stop all contact with her( with the exception of sending cards telling them how much I love them) even though I’ve always seen her as a second mom. AITA for making this decision and not trying to work things out with her or allow her to believe that I still might convert?
*** Please understand this is not a bash on any religion. Everyone has the right to believe in whatever religion they wish. That includes me, so if you feel the need to bash them or me for our spiritual choices, you can move along ***
I have never felt like I needed to hide any part of me from my friends, family, and the public in general. Not until now. Buckle up, this is a bumpy ride.
I've always been kind hearted, almost to a flaw. I took care of my grandmother, my step-dad, my mom and helped with a family friend during long term and terminal illnesses. I had my daughter and, without her father's help, raised her on my own with very little to no support. I helped friends with their farm who left me homeless in the end because I want interested in an extramarital affair. I lost my home and all that I loved including my husband because he lied to me and never paid it mortgage while I was recovering from an illness. In short, I have had a tough life, but it has never made me turn my back on anyone who needed help or in difficult family when they were ignored by the others. That's just some background before I tell you this situation.
Three years ago, after a bout of covid, my daughter was suicidal. She had been in the top three of her HS class and yet at that point almost failed her junior year. Not knowing if she would have the emotional strength to face college and adulting in general, I set up a plan B for her. I started a store in her name and that way she'd have something at least to fall back on if she was unable to function in the m-f 9 to 5 world. We started slow by doing craft fairs, seeking crystals, candles, jewelry, and gifts. We were kicked out of one because the person running it assumed we were witches. She was not wrong exactly as we identified as pagan, but we lived our life closest to the Buddhist and Hindu traditions, not traditional wicca. These were people who knew us for years and were considered acquaintances if not friends.
Our business flourished and we ended up opening our brick and mortar that fall after remodeling our garage/ barn and turning it into a store front. Even though I run it for my daughter, it is hers and we work together to keep it going.
In the past few years I've lost my mom, and two uncles. I have no family besides my mother's sister and her husband which we were pretty close. My aunt knew that I was pagan and had tried recruiting me into her religion since I was 5. Even at that tender age her religion never made sense and I would ask her questions to which she never had answers. I accepted her and respected her and her religion even though I didn't agree. I loved the people she introduced me to that were in her church and I always got along with them. That is until we visited the year after we started our store. My aunt was thrilled about us bringing crystals down and making jewelry with her. We met a new friend of hers (middle aged woman) who ignored me completely and oozed affection on my daughter. She got my daughter's contact info and contacted her frequently. Trying to convert and ”save” her. My daughter wasn't having it as even though she was in a delicate state, she is very level headed and strong willed.
This year we visited and we brought herbal tea, candies, and rare vintage tea cups for my aunt. The day we were leaving, she handed back everything but the vintage tea cups and told me she couldn't accept them because they were touched by Satan (aka made by my hands). To say I was devastated is an understatement. This woman was always like a second mom to me and we had grown closer after my mom passed away. It was a 20 hour drive home and I cried most of the way. I cried for weeks after a well. Thinking of it now still brings me tears. As she was telling me that Satan had a hold on me and that she was trying to save me, all I did was remind her how much I loved her and my uncle. Every time since then that we have talked, she says the same thing, but now she told me I was a lost cause. I feel like trying to stay in touch is detrimental to her mental health ( and my own). I don't want to give up or abandon the last of my family, but I can't talk to her and endure the endless insinuations that I'm evil because I don't believe in her religion. She took a bad fall and broke her arm. The last time we spoke, she talked as if it was my fault for bringing the devil into her home.
While I could usually brush this off as delusional ranting, it hits hard because the same day she fell, my dad died. I know the Powers That Be only give as much as we can handle, I just wish they didn't have so much faith in me.
They are in their 80s. I know in all the pieces of my broken heart that they'll never be able to accept my daughter and I unless we change religions and it has crossed my mind just to say we have to put her at ease, but I can't lie like that to them and we cannot betray ourselves like that either. By

This a very niche question, but are there any residents or past residents that were able to fit in lifting/bulking into their schedule? I know everyone says a social life is pretty much non-existent in residency, but exercising is something that is very near and dear to me and I want to be able to fit it into my upcoming residency as much as possible. Right now I'm on a bulk eating about 4 meals a day q4h from the time I get up and plan on sticking with the program of push/pull/legs/cardio until I get up to my goal weight. I lift early in the morning and expect to have to switch up my times once I start residency. Does anyone have any expereince or tips on how they managed to stay active during residency?

Throwaway account because I don’t want this story getting back to me lol.
I've been on/off with a girl I met in college for 2.5 years. Currently a recent college grad and she will finish her undergrad in August. For context, I have generalized anxiety, OCD, and depression while she has borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety, depression, and ADHD.
Long story short, she emotionally cheated on me, lied to me about another guy and her values, and manipulated me into staying with her for about half a year in late 2021 and early 2022. We were apart for half a year, then one of my friends told me to give her another chance and I did. We were on/off during this whole time and after because of the guy she was emotionally cheating on me with. She’s pretty great most of the time but has recently had random periods of being terrible.
During our time apart, she wasn't with anyone sexually or emotionally. She went on a date or two but that was all. I pursued other girls, but nothing happened.
Fast forward to January of this year, l've endured a lot of disrespect, childishness, and immaturity from her. l've basically had to show her how to be respectful in a relationship and be a decent person (she asked me to, and those are her words) despite the fact that she has been in two relationships before me and I had been in none before her.
She broke up with me in late January because I wasn't being as affectionate with her as I was during our honeymoon phase. She has borderline personality disorder (she was diagnosed in February of this year) and was having an emotional episode where her feelings overwhelmed her. Later she admitted this and said I wasn't actually doing anything worth leaving over, but that she simply wanted me to say I would touch her more rather than accepting her breaking up with me.
The day after we broke up, she began talking to a guy who hit on her last summer (I didn't know about it at the time). At the same time, she was texting me telling me she wanted to take back the breakup. I caved in after a week only to find out she met up with the guy five days after our breakup. I took her back anyway, but said she should think about it first. She said she didn't need to.
A day later, she told me she was excited about the other guy and couldn't stop thinking about him. I told her I didn't want to talk anymore. Two days later, I tried to win her back and she said she felt the same way when I told her I loved her. She said nothing happened with the other guy three times when I asked before eventually admitting that she gave him head.
I agreed to put the past behind us and gave her another chance anyway. However, over the next month, she admitted she couldn't stop thinking about the other guy and said I deserved better. She wanted to break up and while I did fight for her, I eventually just let her go.
We talked about wanting to stay together over the next day, and I eventually called her drunk saying I loved her. She said she felt the same way. I asked her if she had sex with the guy and she said that while she wasn't planning on it at the time, she impulsively decided to that morning after she started talking to him and he asked to come over.
She has reiterated over and over that that she didn't like him anymore when she did it, but that she didn't want to be alone and was being impulsive like she usually is. Also that she was excited about having sex with someone new after 2.5 years. She made him stop halfway through doing the deed and he cut ties with her after that. She said it was because she wasn't over me and started dissociating.
We've been trying to work things out. She's going to therapy for her BPD and trying to fix things with me, but everything she did hurts. She's been showering me with attention and gifts and promises to do better like she normally does after she messes up. She said she would stop the lying and betrayal, but I found out a couple of days ago that she's been lying about when she began texting the guy again after we broke up most recently. Instead of texting him the next day, she texted him less than a couple of hours after the breakup. No telling what else she's lying about.
My question is, how do I leave? She's my first love and I know she isn't a good person, but every time I try to leave, she just worms her way back into my life.
TL;DR: Ex/Situationship cheated emotionally, then a couple of years later left me for another guy twice and came back after having sex with him. She's my first love, first relationship, and many of my firsts. She is a great girlfriend most of the time but when she isn't, she's the worst. How do I leave and stay strong enough not to take her back? Or is there any way this can work out?

Scheduled for June 3 R-THR. I am mostly concerned with struggling to get off the furniture 😂 All of our furniture is pretty cushy and the arms are squishy, I won't be able to use them to push off to get myself up. Even now I have to scoot forward and push off the back of the couch to get off because it slopes backward. Same with our recliners. And our bed is pretty high off the ground, I have to hop up on it now so not sure how I will manage that, might need a step stool).
Is a walker with a brake on it good enough to put in front of me to push myself up with? Do I need to consider a wedge or something to sit on so I am not sloped back as much? I see they also make canes that have a stabilizer handle in the middle to help with getting up, is that a better option? Like this: https://www.livehealthsmart.com/Sit-To-Stand-Quad-Cane
When I had knee surgery I used a single crutch in front of me between my legs to push myself up from sitting, this reminded me of that. I'd use the crutches but I don't have them anymore and don't want to store another set. I might also just be over-thinking, which I am prone to 😂

Been almost 15 months of crazy symptoms, extreme muscle soreness after minimal excursion, body wide twitching, what I’m pretty sure looks like atrophy in my left thigh, my left leg just feels so off, tremors under any weight, jaw issues, full body Fisculations and weakness….the list goes on, you name it I have it or have experienced it.
I’ve been to see 3 neuros and have been constantly monitored over the past year with check ins on my strength with the neuros assistants. I’ve had 3 EMGs, one at 8 weeks, another at 6 months then another at 1 year. All were clear, my last EMG the neuro said it’s impossible to have *** at this time. The exams were all perfect (had MRIs etc as well).
Today I just went to the gym for the first time since this all started, my left leg feels weirder every day and I get the tightest, most sore muscles after the most minimal manual labour (I pulled the weeds in my garden and the next day my hand strings were shot) I bench pressed today, Squated 140lbs and did numerous other lifts. My neuro said it could be something metabolic so I’m currently looking it this.
I guess this is all to say that I’m trying to shift my perspective, I’m 30YO, I feel like utter shit but I need to start acknowledging what people are saying to me and what I CAN do, I’ve changed my diet, started therapy and now the gym. Maybe I feel a shift soon.
Will keep everyone in the loop with how things transpire and if I get to the bottom of it.

Hello Vets, we were woken up at 2am to our 5 year old Boston bark and then yelp. When we turned on the lights we found her at the foot of our bed on the floor not moving. She was laying on her side and both her left rear and front libs were stiff. My husband did a quick all over exam and didn't find anything that appeared unusual so he tried to place her on her feet and she would not bear weight. She appeared calm but over the course of 20 mon while we monitored her did have some panting and awkward breathing pattern. So we drove to the emergency vet and there exam showed that while she would now bear some weight all her limbs were behaving unusually. They indicated possible seizure made her fall of the bed, maybe she sustained a blow to the head or there was something else neurological going on. As mentioned at home she was very calm and not making any pained sounds however after arriving at the vet she stared being visibly agitated and would move around the little bed we brought for her trying to get comfortable and whimpering. The vet suggestion this could be caused from the confusion of her limbs not doing what she wanted or expected of them. We decided at the time to do bloodwork and I asked if they could give her something to help her settle. The blood work results came back normal which she said was a very good indicator that she did not have a seizure so we decided to go with the anti inflammatory and take her home to rest. She has pretty much slept and rested since she we arrived home at 5am. She just recently did stir and so we allowed her to move as she wanted and just stayed close. She's still moving her legs awkwardly but she was bearing weight. She moved a bit and then settled into sort of lean into my son's leg and stayed there till we picked her up and put her back in her little bed and she's now sleeping again. I called our vet as soon as they opened but they can't see us till noon tomorrow. The butorphanpl lasts 6 to 8 hours according to the vet but I didn't think to ask how long it would take to see a full improvement if the anti inflammatory/pain med would work. The paperwork says 6 to 12 hours which takes us to 10am to 4pm but I wonder if I should just call the emergency vet and have them do the neuro referral or wait to see if she improves and see my vet tomorrow and see what he suggests. Guess I'm also looking for options from other vets. Pic of our girl at the vet for attention and a short video of her after the butrphanol kicked in. I've been too distraught to get a video of her strange movements and I don't want to disturb her right now to get one but I can add later if I can. I've attached Vets notes and her bloodwork.
https://imgur.com/a/gzsuarP

As If It Were Kismet: Prologue
Matt tore through the brush, blind in the dark. He didn’t care where he was going. He only knew he needed to be elsewhere. Far from here.
Behind him a creature howled that shocked his mind. It’s form was cruel and dangerous, though female. Nothing like the young woman she had once been. Nothing but a girl, a small and slight female.
It’s guttural growls and howls only grew closer as Matt tried to pick between seeing where he was going and getting away. The few times he looked he caught sight of the creature behind him. Hopping through the air with a speed that told him he was being toyed with. As if he were a mouse being played with by a cat.
But the reflex in him to run kept him going. His adrenaline going as hard as it could. The tightness and burning in his core tensing and locking up as his legs felt like there were being burned from within while taking on more of a heaviness.
His lungs were starting to betray him as he tried to gulp big breaths of air but only rapid and shallow breaths were all that he could manage. His brain was starting to burn….and then he was falling.
Falling down the side of a hill he saw the creature dart in a spring towards him, imperceivably fast almost. Catching him in mid air it seemed.
Managing to wrap its body around him and cushion his impact against the ground as they rolled. His mind barely took in what was happening during the roll. Only starting to understand what was happening once they were still.
The creature's triple D-cup breasts were unmistakably pressed hard against his back as he laid facing up at the night sky.
For a few seconds the world stilled and the needle light pain hitting the center of his brain took over for the cooking heat his brain had felt. His whole body felt heavy and reluctant to move.
Even if he could have really moved, a dull ache came over his limbs making them feel stilled and trapped as if by immeasurable amounts of sand that had engulfed him.
Slowly the arms holding him started to move. Moving so the creature's hands could start exploring him. Causing Matt to unstoppably let out a pathetic moan that made him go cold inside as hands lifted up his shirt and started to touch his exposed stomach and then his chest.
He would have whimpered so pathetically had he not still been in the depths of terror.
As its hands felt and groped his pecs he tried to situp as if to get away. For his efforts, his reward was a hand around his throat and a collection snarls and growls against his ear. A beastly, guttural voice spat words at him while somehow holding a feminine tone.
“Don’t move….I don’t know if I can calm down…”
Her words were not helped by her moans in his ear and the subsequent kissing of his ear. The flesh of his ear going between her lips as she moaned and seemed to pant. Releasing it and licking the side of his face with a moist warmth. He could feel its spittle, viscous and coating his flesh where the tongue touched. He could smell something in his saliva. Something that subtly entranced him.
Matt went stock still with fear and the confusion of mixed arousal. He barely perceived her right hand traveling lower on his body. A surprised moan and shudder echoed in the night from Matt’s lips as she took ahold of him. Her hand above his pants but still….stimulating him.
A light squeezing and almost probing of her digits kept him aroused and confused within her grasp. Resigning himself to the strange fate, Matt looked up at the stars as his mind tried not to shatter under the strange maelstrom of events and sensation that had started mere minutes ago.
His mind was only more confused as a slight figure, feminine in build, how it seemed to thunk the ground audibly as she landed on her feet out nowhere. Her knees barely bending under the pressure of the landing. Yet dirt was kicked up anyways and some of it onto Matt. Feeling it pepper his shirt and pants as it fell.
The figure, lit only faintly by moonlight, roared some dark tone Matt could only perceive as a demon as her eyes went bright with a crimson light. A light in the darkness that should not have been. “Let him go you bitch.” Was its words following the roar. Spittle escaping its mouth with faint droplets hit Matt's face.
The creature holding him by his throat and crotch seemed to tighten the grasp of both hands as it roared back. “HE IS MINE!”
The figure paused with a moment's hesitation. He was also her quarry. She had felt his fear without him knowing. His confused arousal. His fear. His terror.
And now he laid at the center of a struggle between two monsters. Unsure of who he wanted to win.
As If It Was Kismet Ch. 1
Matthew Berkshire hadn’t seen his mom in two years. Not that he had seen her much over the last six years.
A messy divorce between messy people and mom’s chaotic want for a life in Alaska had been one of the most…upsetting times in life. Setting him up for so much of what had defined his life thus far but then that had really started two years before he ever turned.
His ear buds were basic and simple. A part of cheap five pack, common for his life as he was known to lose little things. Small things. They had a mix of metal and hard rock playing in them. Some classics, some alternative. Whatever made him feel something, anything. Even if it was hate. Anger. Rage. It was better than feeling numb. Not belonging.
The escalator down to his lone bag to go with his lone carry on showed his mom waiting for him. His had a type, that’s for damn sure. Not that it helped him in the genetics department as he was stuck at 5’9” to go along with his mother’s five foot even as his dad stood six foot. Forever leaving him to feel small, to pale, under his dad’s shadow. Did he ever stand a chance?
The guy next to her with the unkempt former seventies porn stache was “Dave.” He’d met him twice when his mother came and visited him in Florida. To his credit the guy didn’t look annoyed. Kind of concerned kind of which made Matthew want to break his frozen look but he was well practiced. Having removed any note of sadness from his face through much…tribulation.
His mother’s look on her face betrayed a hint of worry as the bruises on his face lightly showed up close. Saying his name was his like a distant echo that belonged to someone else.
Dave cut in and pulled out his right headphone. “What the hell bud, they knock you hard enough to hurt hearing? Your mom’s asking how you are doing.”
Matthew pulled out the other bud and grunted an empty “sorry.”
“You still have bruises after two week? What did they do to you?” His mom’s voice was full of worry. Something he hadn’t heard in….too long. Too long to make him feel anything. To ever make him believe there was any sincerity to her words. To not think her voice and mannerisms were an act. An act by someone who…wasn’t really there.
“It’s only fair. I took a nose. Fractured a couple orbital bones. Left one with having to get his jaw wired shut. And one will never walk right again for what I did to his knee cap.” Matthew said it all with a bored and disinterested tone. Perhaps well rehearsed.
“My man, handing out ass kickings, not bothering to take names.” Dave was quick to be the typical man’s man about it. Matthew wasn’t quite done yet. Lifting up his shirt to expose the right side near his kidney. Revealing a nasty scar from a six inch blade. “Luckily they gave me this first so they could rule it all in self-defense. The fuck didn’t get it in more than inch before I ruined his knee cap and then I took the nose of one of the fucks holding me.” Now he chose to smile keeping the well practiced dead look in his eyes.
No retorts. No questions. Just horrified looks on their faces. As he liked. As he preferred. They could hate him. They could be disgusted by him. But by God they would fear him.
“Well the doc did a good job sewing you up.” Dave commented uncomfortably. “Dissolving sutures. Ain’t they grand.” He smiled again and let it abruptly fall off his face and started walking to the carousel for the baggage claim.
Waiting and making small talk with Dave as his mother stood in silence. He was not the little boy she abandoned. The little boy she left with an angry man. While never hitting him. Left him in constant fear till he turned twelve and just didn’t care anymore. Something snapped. Broke. And he didn’t care if he died. Didn’t care if he stole. Didn’t even care if he killed. He just knew not to get caught. Something left over from his grandfather’s wisdom which came to make more and more sense with each passing year of life since that thing inside him broke.
Finally his bag came around and Dave went to try first to grab it but Dave practically leapt ahead of him. “Is that your grandfather’s rucksack bag?” his mother asked in a perplexed voice.
“Figured it’s been around since Viet Nam. So it’d serve me better than any of the worthless stuff they called luggage.” Dave commented after Matthew’s words. “Well hell yeah I still got mine from Desert Storm. You know the first one.” Dave laughed and Matthew eyed him oddly. Be it in the south or whether it was Alaska, country boys are country boys he guessed.
The car ride to the two people’s house, as Matthew thought of them. Was uneventful and full of vistas he imagined metropolitan types wetting themselves over. At most they meant isolation to him. Furtherness from the world as there were no mountains in Florida. And what mountains he had last seen in another state had been when he was eight. Another life, to Matthew it felt like. A life alien to him.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 2
Dave and his mom’s place was some two story type tucked into a tree line far up an elevated point. It was by no means the highest point in the mountain but it certainly felt up there.
Rocks were where the driveway should have been Matthew thought. Grabbing his backpack and rucksack from Dave’s jeep was no hard thing for him. Matthew was in formidable shape for someone his age, maybe even five years older. He had gotten a mix of fairly big shoulders and arms along with the chest to go for it when compared to most kids his age. A side effect of working out at least twice a day. First thing in the morning, some time in the evening, and the school’s gym when had had a good semester in school before he had to leave Florida.
Dave tried to come up and help him but Matthew walked past him towards the house. His mom was not sure what to make of his demeanor. Matthew was not the sweet kind boy he had once been. But she had been gone from his life essentially for a long time.
Ushering him into the house she cracked some joke he did not hear. He was too busy looking about and seeing a mix of old outdated decorating mixed with the strange and odd flair of his mother. Color contrasting against drab and dated. Like brightly painting over an old home that was falling apart he thought.
“Your room is this way Mattie.” His mom brightly intoned.
Without expressing any interest he followed his mother. Still faced and nonplussed. Just going along with the current. Pushed and pulled with its roll like a piece of driftwood.
The room was simple. A single small bed. A set of rubber weights with a curl bar and barbells. “Your dad said you were into weight lifting so we got you a bunch of stuff. Dave says it looks like his department’s gym almost. The woman’s smile felt very alien to him.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’ve got most of my stuff from home.” Matthew starting unpacking his rucksack and pulled out cables of repetitive and mixed colors. A single plastic barbell handle. The ruck sack could be filled with water bottles for added weight during pushups he figured. Remembering a Michael Keaton movie he watched with his dad post-Batman movies where he played a convicted killer using plastic bags filled with water for weights.
Matthew caught movement outside his lone fairly large window that could let him step out onto the roof of the house given its layout.
He saw a number of people running together through what he guessed was the backyard of the property, not that it had any fences to mark boundaries
They wore clothes that looked similar yet different from each other at the same time.”Oh those are the Johnston’s. Really nice bunch of people. Been on the mountain for a long time Dave tells me.”
Matthew looked at the group of people running and noticed the lack of resemblance. “They are related?” Matthew quizzically asked. Seeing a black and possibly a hispanic person amongst the bland looking white people.
“Oh well they are all adopted but for one or two of them…besides the parents of course. The family has a long tradition of taking in orphans they say. Real nice of them to do that don’t you think.”
Matthew looked at his mother and the hosier accent made no sense to him as he arched his left eye brow. Her and his dad were both from Florida. Born and raised. Sure her parents were from New York city but…
Matthew shook his lightly without turning to look at his mother as his vision was grabbed by one of the runners in particular. A girl of moderate height. Soft brunette. A plain beauty he figured with a slim build….and lack of remarkable breasts and rear to make any note of but….girls in general were his type at his age.
She was pretty enough. He couldn’t deny that but he found himself transfixed by her visage.
But the way she turned and looked at him, especially at that distance felt very disconcerting to him. Even if she was smiling like…she was a taste of a bright shiny day. Somehow.
Matthew’s mom noticed the exchange and smiled to herself with closed lips. “Oh that’s Vicky. She’s your age I think. Very sweet girl, who does the charity functions. You know bake sales, blood drives, car washes and the like. I think you should get to know her. Might be good for you.”
A truck horn sounded a couple of beeps in rather succession. “Oh that must be Mack, he said he might come by later this evening but he seems early.”
Matthew’s mother turned and left his room. Leaving Matthew to exchange a few looks with the alluring Vicky as she turned her head away from him to talk to the others in her group and look back at him.
Still Matthew’s left eyebrow was arched. In a way that reminded him of Spock from Star Trek that he and his grandpa used to watch on some streaming service or another.
As he heard ambient chatter elsewhere outside the house he figured to check it out as the alluring sight of Vicky would be around he figured. It was dull to stare at artwork. He was a boy who preferred jet skis and the like. Something he could ride and enjoy immensely. Even if at times it got him stabbed.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 3
Matthew sauntered out of the house and down the rockway that stood in for a driveway.
A few new people had come over from what he could first surmise of the situation. As he got closer it was obvious they were indigenous people. A couple of grown men…and a girl?
She was mousey. Maybe five foot. Hiding behind glasses and a big camo jacket that was far too big for her. It looked made for a grown man and the backwards trucker hat on her head kept her long black a beautiful mess of sorts.
She was cute in a way. A little androgynous but she had a cute energy to her. She reminded him of the more tomboyish Puerto Rican girls he had gotten into back in Florida. Given the deer corpses in the back of the truck….probably more dangerous to play with given the men in her family.
Small chatter passed between the adults when the girl noticed but turned away, trying to hide the tiny hint of a smile.
“Oh Mattie, this is Mack. He works with Dave at the sheriff’s department and John, he’s with fish and wildlife.” Matthew nodded at his mom’s words with some blankness as he looked at the deer the in the back of the pickup truck.
“Gale tells us you hunted with your dad some in Florida and Georgia.” Mack offered with a light hearted laugh camouflaged by his big simple and cheery but husky way he spoke.
Looking in the back of the truck he spoke. “We used lever action thirty-thirties and Mosin Nagants in seven-six-two-fifty-four-rimmed.” Mack and John whistled in an exaggerated fashion. Leaving Matthew to wonder if they were mocking him.
Mack spoke. “Well we just used thirty-odd-six in a custom gussied Garand.” That caught Matthew’s attention. “You have a Garand…” Matthew finally demonstrated interest in anything. “My dad has an SVT-40 and a Hakim 8mm but he always wanted a Garand but was too cheap to buy one.”
Gale, his mother, chimed in loudly. “Oh his Dad loved his guns but was such an odd duck about how he bought or why he bought them. Never made sense to me how he wasn’t a collector but he didn’t get the latest and greatest.” Gale laughed uncomfortably. At least it seemed that way to Matthew.
Matthew pointed to the girl with an underhanded pointing hand. “And who is this? A cute little mute mouse or does she have a name?” Dave and the other men laughed.
Mack again spoke. “Well you people call her Rebecca, she’s my adopted daughter.” Matthew was taken aback by what he heard. “You people?”
Rebecca kindly spoke with a soft but almost melodic voice as she struggled to maintain eye contact. “White people or rather not members of our tribe. It’s just easier to appease the colonizer kind of thing. Borrowed from when the Jesuit missionaries chased us up here.”
Mack stepped in. “It’s just easier to have white people names than have them try to say our tribal names. And we don’t want them shortening or Anglicising our names kind of thing.” Rebecca stepped back into the conversation cutting off her adopted father. “It’s an insult to our history basically.”
Matthew cocked his head sideways raising his eyebrows shortly before letting them drop. “Well as soon as I’m eighteen I’m out of here and back to Florida so I’m a sort of involuntary colonizer of sorts. So I won’t be taking any of your land from you. The Seminoles on the other hand are still shit out of luck.”
Rebecca’s smile caused Matthew to reflexively smile. Mack made the moment more awkward. “See Becca, I told you someone off the reservation would like you some. You just have to be creative.” Mack laughed in a chiding manner…Matthew presumed. He sensed that he was the butt of some kind of cultural joke. Like marrying a white guy was some sort of insult or mark of shame. That kind of thing.
Rebecca turning away from him was not something he had been expecting. Her then getting in the truck in a huff left the group in a silence for a moment.
Dave spoke to break the awkward silence. “Well just bring the truck to work on Monday and leave it for me to grab up.” Mack acknowledged Dave and they started to get off as Rebecca looked at Matthew for another instance. Matthew couldn’t look away for some reason as the two seemed to lock eyes for an instance.
Till Vicky and family seemed to come jogging down the road. While Matthew’s eyes diverted from Rebecca’s. Hers did not till she realized he was looking elsewhere. And her vision found Vicky and what had been a hint of smile on her face turned glum and disappointed.
Matthew did not look away from the vision of Vicky but instead of a starry eyed fool looking longingly. It was a baffled look. Well baffled for him, with his eyes drawn narrow and night with a focus.
There was something about her…he couldn’t quite put a name too. The way she appeared to him. One second brunette. The next second blonde or blonde like. As if the color appeared in her air and disappeared in fractions of seconds. Much the same way her body almost seemed to…shift…very subtly…smoothly. A nicer bum. Larger breasts. And then back to a simple and plain form. Feminine no doubt. Attractive. But not so…remarkable.
As If It Was Kismet Ch 4
The next two days passed without incident. Nothing of any real substance or challenge to note.
Matthew got settled somewhat and started working out almost immediately. Exploring around the woods but Dave told him not to go far. Especially without a hunting rifle. Dave had left a simple semi-auto Winchester out for him. His bear gun as Dave referred to it with its four round magazine. But Matt figured till he got some practice with the rifle to leave it alone. He made a hiking stick like his grandpa taught him and treated it over a low fire. He would take some electrical tape for the end his hand would grip around. Plenty enough to ward off anything smaller than a bear he figured.
The ride to school was a pain in the neck but simple enough. Dave would let him use a clunker pickup truck he had laying around. It wasn’t pretty but it would get him to and from. Even if it was from the eighties and still backfired on occasion. But for now Dave and his mom took him on their way to the sheriff’s department.
It wasn’t much of a school. It wanted to be modern but its fifties original construction was very obvious. It serviced the pipeline families and familys’ of fisherman who worked the seasons in between their time at the pipeline.
Matt was to report to the principal for some reason Dave and his mom wouldn’t share. Which annoyed him but he figured it was to read him the law of land. Small towns with their big views of the outside world and like.
Dressed in jeans, a grey sweatshirt under a light jacket with steel toed boots set him more apart then he expected. His buzzed head didn’t help matters. Already he was feeling like a stranger in a strange land but he was quite strange after all. And he liked it that way. Normal people were so pathetically disappointing to him.
A secretary or assistant or some such led him to the principal’s office. Where it reeked of real wood that was old and fabric and upholstery that needed to be updated for the last twenty years, Matt figured.
“This is Matthew Berkshire, Principal Andrews.” The man was turned with his back to the door and he was quick to wave her off as he turned her around.
He was an older man. Fat and large. Tall with a body built like he had once been fit and a demeanour of annoyed and irate already as he fixed Matt with a scowl and look of disgust. Another worthless government whore. Matt thought to himself. His father and his grandfather had bestowed unto him a natural disrespect for government workers and the figures that wore unjustified authority as a shield but pretended the weight of the state was not at their back ready to crush all who resisted. Little figures of valor pretending to be mighty and alone but acting with the tyranny of the state and all the backing.
“Mr. Berkshire, please sit down.” His tone wasn’t unusually hostile, just gruff. As if he had better things to do.
Matt complied and took a seat in the chair while maintaining a friendly facade. Not everyone was an enemy. And not everyone needed to be an enemy. Even if anybody could be any enemy. There was no reason to make enemies you didn’t have to. Another of his grandfather’s bastardised wisdoms.
“Well I looked over you file and you have quite the history Mr. Berkshire.” Matt resisted qiuping back a joke. Instead he waited for Principal Andrews to continue as he remained nonplussed and looking as if he felt no need to respond. A simple head tilt with dead eyes looking back at the principle as if he was not even there would suffice.
Matt’s reaction or lack of a reaction rather made Principal Andrews only narrow his eyes with examination. He was not used to a kid not responding to him. Especially with his gruff and hard act going on.
“Well by all accounts you moved here after some problems at your last school. A fight broke out and you did some real harm to your fellow students it appears.” Of course, he would take the side of the perpetrators. School administrators always did. Especially when they weren’t white. Just a fact of the times. Cowardice and pathetic mediocrity was the way they leaned, like good government workers sucking the dick of Big Daddy government. Worthless whores.
Matt chose to reply. “Oh you mean the criminals that stabbed me. Got arrested at the hospital and then pled to felonies. Yeah Florida, with the American counties are good like that.” Principal Andrews went real still. No shame. No fear. No penitence. He didn’t like that.
“Well be it as it may Mr. Berkshire we don’t tolerate that kind of behaviour here…” Matt cut him off responding with a deadpan tone. “You mean self-defense meant to save one’s own life while the cowardly and pathetic school workers look on with zero interest but to keep their money rolling in and will allow known gang members with records of violent acts and crimes that should have them expelled many times over, where in certain Democrat counties such cowardice and idiocy empowered a couple school shooters?”
Principal Andrews looked at the Matt with a note of disgust. “Look here Mr. Berkshire, your beliefs matter not one bit here. This isn’t Florida. We don’t like our way of life being disrupted by outside agitators who have problems with authority.”
Matt did his best not to roll his eyes and let the older fat man drone own as he dead-stared him. Lifeless and without emotion.
The man came to a finish and Matt spoke up without having listened to him or paid him any attention. “Great now that’s taken care of. Can I please get to class and finish my sentence of two years at your wonderful school?”
Principal Andrews huffed and snorted before calling in Vicky. Vicky stood in the corner after entering with a quiet and seamless presence. Matt felt disturbed and tried not betray his feelings as the young Vicky was perceived and not perceived to be moving.
Principal Andrews made the introductions and Matt nodded back. She was to be his chaperone for the day. They had the same classes and she was to show him the ropes so to speak. The ins and outs of the school. The locations of their classes.
He recognized her. It was hard not to. The way her appearance seemed to shift fluidly almost. The petite and skinny brunette ever so lightly had a big bust and blonde hair with curves added when she seemed to shift before his eyes. Like watching a film but each frame had a different person.
Matt didn’t say anything about it. Even if he did he would only be acknowledging his crazed state, if he had one. If.
Unlike an obedient puppy dog he got up in a slow and awkward fashion and followed behind her as his oddly disproportionate frame allowed. Causing her a note of concern for some reason. As if she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been….Or he was just weird. And Matt could admit to himself he was just weird. Part of his charm, he would jest about it at times. Not that he had many people to jest to now.
As If It Were Kismet Ch. 5
Following Vicky into the hall off to their first class was simple. She exchanged small talk and he slightly smiled as if to obviously suggest he was just being polite.
Inside his head, Matt was trying to figure out if he was having a psychotic break. The way Vicky looked kept changing and he looked at the other people around him and they stayed the same.
He was searching his mind as they were walking. And thus he wasn’t paying attention to where he was looking and so fell to his face forward over his feet seemingly out of nowhere.
A series of laughs erupted as it sunk in that he was obviously tripped. Like in prison this was a challenge to his superiority. If he let this pass he would be mocked and sneered at by this same group of boys. He wouldn’t walk to them like he was going to do nothing like a little bitch.
In a rage he turned and punched the stomach of the first face he saw. Some typical blonde haired wannabe jock. He knew from experience not to aim for the ribs. Instead he needed to aim for where he thought the belly button was.
Yells and screams blindly echoed around him as his after the punch he followed up his elbow of the opposite arm slamming into the face of the jock. Harder than a fist, the elbow struck the jock’s jaw and seemingly dropped him against a locker. Just in time to catch an errant and soft punch to the nose that sure enough hurt but did little to slow him down as his dad had taught him to fight through the pain. Blood and scars happened. They were a natural consequence of life to a man.
Taking the punch and falling further into his red state Matt headbutted the punch thrower before another guy arm bared his throat from behind. Which he managed to get his grip on the arm over a letterman jacked and jerk the unprepared boy to the side with him still latched on.
A few feet away from the lockers Matt knew his only chance was to jump and push off the lockers and knock the boy to the ground and so he did. He heard a thunk of the boy’s skull bouncing off the ground and he turned to pull out of the grapple.
The beatings he had taken from his father, the grapples, being choked unconscious. Had prepared him for fighting little bitches who didn’t know what a fight was. It wasn’t gay porn with rabbit punch fists flying.
Blood was running down his face and the pain started to hit him as the threats had been eliminated. Only then did he remember to breathe. Taking breathes as Vicky came up to him with tissues and took a hold of his nose.
“Owww owww owww what the fuck my nose could be broken.” He said to Vicky as she pulled his head up and back.
“It’s ok Carl. It’s done.” Matt tried to look to see who Vicky was talking to. It was a boy taller than his 5’9” by more than a small margin. The boy eyed him bored and annoyed before speaking. “What happened here?” An unoriginal line but one Matt couldn’t be a smart aleck about. “Well you see there was an outbreak of tripping and we all tripped over my dick. It happens.” Matt was about to laugh when Vicky seemed to pull up while still gripping his nose causing Matt no small amount of pain which he audibly evidenced.
Vicky spoke in a tone he wasn’t expecting. As if she was accustomed to issuing orders. “Keep Iris away from the hall till we sanitize the site. We have blood from at least three people contaminating the site. And have Jake bring me a spare jacket and shirt for this moron.”
Carl seemed to acknowledge her orders and seemed to blink away. Maybe the punch hit harder than he expected. He had no time to wonder as Vick took her hand away from his and pushed him against the lockers. With ease he had not been expecting from her form and stature.
Before he could respond Vicky licked his blood covered chin and then his lips and spoke to him. “Focus on me you little blood bag.” Her tone had an annoyed yet feminine sneer.
“Look into my eyes. Look at me. You belong to me. You are just another food source in a collection of food sources.” Her eyes were a beautiful hazel Matt thought. Almost green. Pretty like jewels in some old treasure collections. The eyes he could get lost in before kissing her. Finally Vicky was just a slight and petite brunette and he thought she was beautiful.
She would make a hell of a girlfriend. Some cute thing he could see laying on the beach in Florida on their sides laughing and smiling before trading light kisses while hands wandered innocently. Before his mind could drift further he felt her lips on his. It took him a second to mentally grasp the kiss but his arms were around her back as her hands were at his sides. His eyes reflexively closed as he saw hers close.
It was ineffable to Matt. Beyond words, what was happening. The kiss, the moments beforehand. The way his brain tickled with electricity and gentle warmth. He had never had a kiss like this and he had traded more than a few kisses with at least a few girls.
The kiss was like a warm bath with his consciousness slipping beneath the surface. Their lips only parted to try new angles and approaches as Matt struggled to take in breath. It was a moment he could have stayed trapped in for….he didn’t know. But a curt throat clearing by another girl pulled them out of the moment.
The girl was taller than Vicky. Blonde. With slight curves. Vicky addressed her bewildered and gobsmacked, and perhaps a bit embarrassed. “Tina?”

With Sunday and the Dreammaster's plan being your classic Lotus-Eater Machine plan, with Ena's Dream of Order being the forced paradise onto everyone type of deal, I was wondering how people thought it compares to similar schemes in media. Now that we had a little time to digest it.
It's a pretty common trope these days, but I will say I was surprised Honkai Star Rail pulled this one off so early in its plotline. Usually these kind of schemes are THE end goal that concludes the entire storyline of a series, rather than it being a singular arc.
For some examples in other series I can think of off the top of my head:

• Naruto with the Infinite Tsukuyomi (probably what most people here would be familiar with)
• Negima with Cosmo Entellecheia (probably one of the best long term executions of the idea imo)
• Code Geass with the Ragnarok Connection
• Honkai Impact 3rd's multiple variations of the idea
• Persona 5 had two different angles of it
• Madoka Rebellion
• Final Fantasy Tactics Advance had this as the central plot conflict
• And countless other examples across all sorts of media.

Personally I thought given the limitations they had to work with, it was pretty well-done for the most part. The end goal was something a lot of folks called the moment Penacony was revealed as a dreamscape. Since that sort of setting is just prime material for this sort of thing. But I think what sets out Star Rail's version of this is the way it tied in with "heart" of the protagonists so to speak. That they centered everything so well with the ethos of Trailblazing through Mikhail and the Astral Express crew to clash with the vision of Order turned what could have easily been a pretty standard "No bad guy, people shouldn't stay in dreams, they need to live in reality!" hero debate into something genuinely compelling with themes particular to this game.
It also helps that they did a pretty damn good job of fleshing out Sunday as a character, and his voicelines in the final boss fight (particularly his spin on the Book of Genesis in the final phase) really put some other antagonists (not necessarily villains mind, there's a difference) to shame. And I really liked all the more subtle elements they used to convey this narrative, like Sunday appearing as a Conductor that guides people to his idea of happiness, while Mikhail and the Trailblaze was represntted via a clock/compass that just nudged people in the right direction, rather than dictate where they must go. I always appreciate a story that doesn't insult the audiences' intelligence and lets folks read between the lines. Despite some bugbears I have here and there, I think everything was tied together pretty nicely overall.
So I'd say it's better than a good number of other attempts, but not quite up there with say Cosmo Entellecheia from Negima. But that's with the caveat that we're comparing a manga that had literal years to build up to that plotpoint, while Honkai Star Rail had maybe 18ish hours to sell it to the player. So I think you have to give them credit for what they had to work with.
So what do you guys think of Star Rail's execution of it? Enjoyed it, didn't enjoy it? What do you think was done well, and what do you think could have been improved?

I've been on a rollercoaster ride for the past year and a half working on my first longfic. It's a shipfic and pretty early on, I decided I wanted the ship to get in a fight towards the end and then make up. As I've gone along, I sort of "outline" the future chapters with a script/all of the planned dialogue. It often ends up changing when I get to actually writing it, but maintains the original tone. Outlining/writing their fight dialogue took a few revisions but overall I'm satisfied with what I have right now.
Their argument gets heated really fast because, in my opinion, neither of the characters are known for being nice. Even up until they fight, they love bantering and bickering and teasing like a married old couple, but they both take it a little too far on accident sometimes and hurt the other's feelings. As such, when they actually want to hurt each other's feelings because they're mad, they know exactly what to say to piss each other off. But it's a romance, and they really do love each other even while they fight, so I don't think they go so far as to make their relationship irreprable. They do avoid each other for a few weeks until the "nicer" of the two of them decides to give up his pride and apologize first.
But,
I cannot, no matter how hard I've tried, write their reconciliation dialogue.
I've written out the scene a million different ways, and each has at least one line that I love, but I'm struggling to tie those lines together. Sometimes it sounds too melodramatic or too clinical or too relaxed.
So how do you strike the right balance when writing reconciliation scenes?

Gullible-Soft-8628:
Dec 18, 2022

Lower back pain related to PVPS? Same side as my bad ball with epididymis inflamed with fluid .. every so often I get lower back and abdomen pain. Is it related or do I just suck?

I had same thing, very related. I recommend NO Vasectomy, and get a reversal ASAP. I am 3+ months post reversal, 95% relief from pain, 100% relief from brain fog and low drive issues.
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/yvgw6x/lower_back_pain_related_to_pvps/j0sb6f1/
I recommend a reversal ASAP. Dr Hickman recommended minimum of 6 month wait. Heavy, congested feeling, orgasms were pitiful, brain fog, low back pain. Had a reversal September, as of Dec 18, 95% pain relief and feel continuing improvement. Brain fog gone, orgasms back to normal, drive is good again. I recommend Dr Hickman from New Braunfels TX. Professional and economical, $3200 versus the 8 to 10k that most of the others will charge
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/znmezh/how_long_would_you_wait_post_vasectomy_to/j0sc7wz/
Another testimony... I suffered 6 months until i got the reversal. I am 3+ months post-reversal. Thank God I am Almost 100% pain-free, much better frame of mind, back to jogging, cycling, and hiking with my family. I know this isn't the cure for everyone, but it would definitely be my first choice.
Be prepared for roller-coaster healing process though, the first 2 months post reversal were rough, up and down, but its leveled out big time.
Don't give up hope, there's better days ahead
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zfad7z/deleted_by_usej0sdbb1/
Highly recommend a reversal asap if you're having pvps, its the best chance to get back to original. Vasectomy is a disaster, don't do it, its not worth the risk
https://www.reddit.com/queensland/comments/zlfdg9/metrocentre_vasectomy_redoreversal_for_pvps/j0ws43
Back to jogging, lifting, playing with my children, etc.
https://www.reddit.com/queensland/comments/zlfdg9/metrocentre_vasectomy_redoreversal_for_pvps/j0wsg91/
I second the recommendation to NOT perform surgery on genitals... too many nerve endings down there
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/vccbzq/pvps_for_years_now_and_still_pain_post_reversal/j0wu2q6/
Maybe some can handle the pvps better than I could, it was devastating. Not many people write back in on blogs like this after-the-fact, you just happy to get beyond. Life can get back to normal. Its condoms and all that again, but 1000 x rather this than live with depression, pain, and a 10lb weight between my legs. A reversal was a lot of ups and downs the first 2 months for me, but thank God I'm living pain free and feeling terrific at 3 months post... If you need to wait a while, hang in there, better days ahead!
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/znmezh/how_long_would_you_wait_post_vasectomy_to/j11lxud/
I can post a positive. Had pvps kick in at 2 months. I hung on doing exercises, antibiotics, everything 'conservative' in the books with no success. Had a reversal at 6 months, September 2022, am feeling 100% better. I know its not 100% for everyone, but its the best bet, get things back to as 'original' as possible. Lots of ups and downs the first 2 to 3 months post reversal, but never as bad as the pvps
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zep1fx/did_a_reversal_make_your_pain_worse/j11n86s/
Real results are closer 1 in 20 will suffer pvps. I had a reversal 6 months later... 6 months of sheer misery. If you are the 1, it will ruin your life. Look up the pvps blogs on reddit, PVPS is VERY UNDERRATED. But then again 19 out of 20 get away with it and are super happy. your choice, but most vasectomy doctors won't tell you the real risks
https://www.reddit.com/Vasectomy/comments/zkmcxu/have_consult_scheduled_this_week_but_pvps_odds_of/j11p6i3/
Dr Marks has good referrals. Dr Hickman in New Braunfels Texas did my reversal, very happy with his work. 3+ months post reversal and pretty much back to normal, thank God.
Dont figure on pvps going away on its own, never heard of it getting better by itself. But maybe there are some who don't write about it
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/yonicu/does_anyone_have_pvps_like_this/j11q2qe/
Pvps pain was bottom of testicles radiating up in to abdomen. Days of laying in bed, couldn't walk at times, heavy, congested feeling, lots of brain fog and depression.
Reversal pain was Swelling, bruising, like the inside of the whole scrotum was sore when i moved. That pain took a month to leave. Then i had the heavy congested feelings from time to time, but less each time and further apart. Almost like the congested epididymus took time to empty out?? I don't know. I'm still tender at 3.5 months, had 3 long days on the road this past week and today i had to take ibuprofen to keep going. But this is the first pain in weeks, the trend is definitly going right at this point... still praying for 100% healing but much better than pre-reversal. But i'm just one story... wish you the best
https://www.reddit.com/postvasectomypain/comments/zep1fx/did_a_reversal_make_your_pain_worse/j1f5xxa/
Metadata:
ID: 3868d1b7
Name: Gullible-Soft-8628
Vasectomy Date: 2022-03
Source: reddit
Posted: 2022-12-18
Location: USA
Storycodes: LTP,SGR,LL,OTR,DC,PYH
Reversal Date: 2022-09
Months: 8
Resolved: Yes

this is pretty urgent, as it was so sudden, but my sister’s hamster: is breathing like he’s yawning, his legs stretch at odd angles and go stiff for some periods of time, but is still urinating.
he sometimes squeaks as he yawn-breathes. we don’t have a vet nearby that does hamster care, but any vet is better than none.
please help if u can!! is he just hibernating, or is something wrong?