Leaving work cards

This might be the end
So yesterday was Mother’s Day and it went horribly. WH and I got into an argument Friday evening, I literally just told him I’m not doing this tonight and rolled over and went to sleep. Hoping he would show remorse and love the next morning.
The next day was a busy outing with our middle son and his friends for his bday, at an amusement park (tickets were already purchased, otherwise I would have just chosen not to join them) it was a LONG cold shitty day, with WH and I either not speaking or fighting while kids were on rides, but hey at least my kid had a great day with his friends. We didn’t get home until 10pm and immediately went into fighting, I walked away and slept elsewhere until 3am after being too cold and uncomfortable.
The next morning was Mother’s Day- the first Mother’s Day I experienced since losing my own mother. I was given the silent treatment all day. Not a word, not any gesture of love or support (as I was really struggling dealing with feelings of my mother) I went to pick up my other kids and have breakfast with my father, and while I was gone he did go grab some $12 ugly grocery store flowers around the corner (but never said a single word about them or presented them to me, they were just on the table when I got home) I’m not big on gifts and would have much much preferred quality time or a nice card, plus we are beyond broke right now.
I spent the entire day cleaning and doing laundry and listening to my kids scream at each other while he spent the entire day working in the yard. By 9pm we finally got all the kids to bed and I thought he would finally want to have a conversation with me or at the very least apologize and try to move on. He ended up calling his mom and talking to her until 10pm, while I bawled my eyes out in bed.
By the time he came to bed I had absolutely had enough and just lost it. I ripped into him for an hour, not even fully angry and rage filled… just so beyond defeated and hurt and so so so so done. It’s like I had an epiphany where I just said “no more. I’m not willing to spend anymore of my life with this awful human” I ranted and I bawled and I eventually just cried myself to sleep and we haven’t spoken a word to each other since. I said some really brutal things but it was so important for me to make it clear to him that I’m not putting up with this bullshit anymore. He cried and just said how sorry he was and how he wished he was a better man, but like how can I possibly believe that’s true? If you are sorry and want to change then why aren’t you doing it?! I just feel so stupid and so defeated at this point. We are 18 months post Dday and he just keeps proving how little I mean to him and that he’s not willing to put even the bare minimum into me and our family.

Question: has anyone ever heard of a case where an employer claimed an employee used more paid sick time than they earned and then docked the sick time from their final paycheck?
This is not my personal issue but I'm helping a friend. My friend recently resigned from his job. He has kept all of his paystubs, in which he accrued paid sick time at each pay period. As of approximately when he quit his job, he had accrued about 35 sick hours and used 30, leaving a balance of 5 paid sick hours. his boss sent him a message saying that he had taken more paid sick time than what he had earned for the year. His boss cited Massachusetts sick time law. my friend said that he had not used any paid sick time and had the pay stubs to prove it.
My friend got the boss's wife on the phone and said that although he had extra hours from last year, they would still be docking him nearly 18 hours of sick time from his final paycheck. The boss's wife said that they give a certain amount of paid sick time at the beginning of the year to use, and the employees accrue it as they go. She said if he had waited one more week before quitting, this would not have happened. She said that she had forgotten to warn him about using his sick time so fast and it was her fault. my friend once again insisted the sick time he took was unpaid and he had the pay stubs to prove it. the boss's wife cited the Massachusetts sick time law and told them to look it up.
My friend got a letter in the mail now from his former employer indicating they had docked his final paycheck because he owed them 17.5 paid sick hours. They cited the Attorney General Fair Labor Division, and indicated it would be enclosed in the envelope, but the applicable law was not included. According to the letter, he had worked 640 hours and only was eligible for 12.90 hours of paid sick time.
Can anyone help me here? There's plenty of law about not being compensated for unused sick time, but nothing about being docked for overused sick time. I've read the MA sick time law many times and I have no idea where they are getting this conclusion from.

Have you had any positive or negative experiences in London this week? Want to sing the praises of your local nail tech or rant about work? Need advice about something? Leave a comment here :)

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Hi all,
Anyone out there ever do the less common (at least from what I usually see on this sub) act of leaving teaching and then transitioning back?
I taught and managed programs while on special assignment (e.g. was classified as a teacher but around 50-75% of my day depending on funding that year was to manage programs). I did this for 10+ years, then went to work for a Fortune 5 company, am currently at a Fortune 500 (trying to preserve some anonymity). For reasons too long to get into here, I am looking for a new job - but to name a couple:

• I am burnt tf out with the corporate environment, but not many other jobs I can think of that excite me other than teaching

-Miss working with the kids - leaving my teaching job was one of the hardest dmecisions I ever made and if you’d told me I’d be where I am 10 years ago I wouldn’t have believed you
I will say I left before experiencing teaching in the post-COVID environment, so no clue what that was like.
My gut says it’s the right choice right now, but I don’t want to (and prob can’t) flip flop back and forth if it’s not the right decision in 2 years. A small part of me is also concerned it’s a bit of nostalgia mixed with the anxiety of the literal thousands of job apps I’ve got circulating out there for non-teaching positions (in an industry in which I’m actually doing very well according to my performance reviews). I do feel it’s relevant to add that I know that desperation or burnout are not WHY to get into teaching - I wouldn’t be pursuing this option if I didn’t already know I loved it.
So while it seems this sub is more geared for getting out of teaching, but has anyone left and come back to it? If so, how was it, do you regret it, and what was your experience?

“Psst, I see dead people.”
I was already awake by 6 AM, going to sleep early cause of being high does that to you.
Okay, I’m starting to remember now, I knocked out in the middle of the third quarter in Game 3 between the Timberwolves and Nuggets. Admittedly, I was already high as hell while watching, but could you blame me? What an awful performance last night, I was already losing hope by the end of the first half. I’m looking at these stats and I’m wondering how Mike Conley even managed to get more rebounds than Rudy. They didn’t have their head in the game
Honestly thought that today was a Sunday until around 12 PM. It’s easier to think that when you were smoking all morning. I hardly ever smoke earlier in the day, once I start sobering up, it starts leaving me kinda hazy. Thankfully, I was coming off of that as I was heading to work.
I clocked in at 4 PM, didn’t have anything too crazy for work today. It was a wedding reception for 50, wasn’t a really huge one, but hey, it all pays the same.
The only specific instructions that I was given is that I place the food out at a specific time span. I thought it was a stupid idea since it would mean that people wont have anything to eat after awhile. We usually just refill everything up until it’s all gone, this is just some unnecessary shit. And they end up changing their minds about it too once people complained.
I was mostly bored throughout the event. I guess it’s a good thing that it’s making me bored, shows how much this job has gotten easy for me. I helped out my brother set up some events we got later this week. It’s going to be some bullshit those days, but I’m trying to have some hope that it wouldn’t be.
Once the event was over at 10 PM, I started shutting this shit down. I wasn’t trying to stay here longer than I should’ve. I was asking the hosts if I could help box away their dessert or remove their decorations, they think I was being helpful, but I just didn’t want to miss my bus. I wasn’t going to wait a half hour for the next bus.
Unfortunately, they kept on dancing even after a half hour after the event was over. I didn’t bother asking any of my supervisors because they weren’t going to say shit about them overstaying since they’re spineless. And I can’t say shit myself because then they’d ask for someone above me so it’s no fucking use. My brother and I just asked for a coworker of ours to do us a favor by just heading down in the event space at 11 PM to just take all the dirty glasses and lock it up in a room so that my brother could clean it tomorrow. That’s how we get away with not having to stay when guests pull this kind of shit.
I wish there was a fee set in place for guests to deal with when they overstay, but this ain’t that kind of hotel. Even though it should be, we’re literally in one of the best spots to have a hotel at in the entire state, but these fuckers don’t like money it seems. So why do I still work here? Read the third to last word of the sentence before that question.
Song Of The Day: Kendrick Lamar - Not Like Us
Looking Back on 5/11/23:
I wasn’t gonna engage with someone in an argument or conversation if she was just going to be spitting out ridiculous shit, so I just ignored her ass. That lady was being racist as fuck, talking shit about my skin tone and hair. Embarrassing as hell to have been that drunk or on drugs that early in the morning.
Anyways if you’re gonna argue with someone, don’t even bother if they can’t argue in good faith. Don’t waste your breath to those who don’t want to listen.
I remember having Canes that day, that was probably the worst experience I had there. I didn’t even finish it, I threw like half of it in the trash due to how bad it was.
“Mischievous shit”, god, I definitely moved on from my ex faster than I remembered. Physically anyways. I don’t even remember what I did that night, it’s not like I would’ve been able to write about it if I did anyways. Some things aren’t meant to be all out in the open. The fact that I don’t remember the full details on what happened that night, well, I do remember some of it. I clearly wasn’t in the right headspace at that time.

I currently work in design and tech work (startup, programming, graphics) at one of the large HVAC controls companies. Many of the skilled techs left when a majority of the engineering went overseas. Our branch has been struggling but has stayed afloat thanks to a few senior members who stuck around. Recently, a few more knowledgeable techs left, and we are really struggling; it feels like the blind leading the blind. Our software is very clunky, and it’s personally hard to support something you know is bad. I don’t have the fundamentals completely mastered, but I am not a newbie either. I can’t see myself going into management or making a career here as the products are so bad. A large number of the problems encountered are caused or significantly exacerbated by our software.
I'm wondering what you would do in my shoes. I know this role can lead to significant opportunities. I don’t want to have a full-time desk job, and I enjoy the work when the software functions as expected. I've heard many people go to other places, and it’s just as bad. I also don’t want to turn my back on some of the other techs in my office, as I consider some of them good friends, but this situation is driving me crazy. I really enjoy programming sequences and all of the relay logic/electrical layout side of things. Is it worth sticking it out to learn all the quirks of the clunky software, or would you leave before you invest too much of your life in a losing battle?

I’ve been out for three years. Three amazing, wonderful, painful, difficult years.
We were ALL in - I was practically a pastor's wife, as my husband was in training and preaching every week on Wednesdays. I co-led worship, Children's church, and women’s Bible study. I had two of my five babies while there, and my entire friend group was there.
And when we left - poof - all gone. They stayed because leaving meant they’d lose it all, too - so I don't blame them. All because we asked questions no one would answer, challenged questionable top leadership decisions, and ultimately couldn’t stomach being there anymore. And I would do it all over again.
I’ve done the healing work. I’ve read ALL the books, am in therapy, and have worked hard to find myself in it all - and though it was one of the most challenging times for my family, especially my marriage, the dawn is finally breaking. I’m ready to build a new community and make new friends.
But… but, but, but. What if they’re Trumpers? What if they’re evangelicals? What’s the litmus test? I’m neurodivergent, so making new friends has never been my forte. But I am so profoundly craving female friendship again. I want a tribe. I need it. My husband, who is fantastic and has been with me every step of the way, isn’t yet, so it’s hard for him to understand just how eager I am without taking it personally. So I’m online a lot on TikTok, and I'm here because it’s the only outlet that feeds this need.
I know I know… put myself out there. I’m already out there. I’m working a new job that I love, have wonderful relationships with my kids who are in sports every day of the week (5 boys), so I feel like there is no time for a “social life”. And it’s so awkward. And people already have their tribes.
I guess I need encouragement at this point bc telling myself my little island of family is fine is one of those lies I’m donedo telling myself.

Why do I feel bad? We are 7 months out from dday and things have been going pretty well. We're both in IC and MC and working on R. I thought I had the AP blocked but they texted me out of the blue, after no contact, while my BP and I were at lunch. I was immediately triggered, like seeing a ghost. I told my BP as soon as we got in the car to leave and they thanked me for my honesty. While my BP was with me, I told the AP that I was staying married, not cheating and not interested and blocked them.
Back story: I had an PA lasting a couple of weeks. Our marriage had been rocky for some time and I was very much at risk for infidelity due to my insecurities, etc. Around the same time I had a bipolar manic episode which led me to make mistakes (which I take full accountability for) and having an affair was one of them. I met with my doctor and had medication adjustments and started IC.
Back to today: I felt so ashamed and guilty. Everything came back. I know it was the right thing to do to tell me BP but I feel like crap. They handled it well and said they were not upset. I checked in with them and we discussed our feelings and I let them know how I was feeling and wanted to have an open dialogue if they were upset. My next therapy appointment isn't for a couple of days and I just feel raw.

Long story short, my ex and I broke up, and she guilted me into leaving our dog with her (threatening self harm). I had done everything for him, feeding, walking, vets, etc. I worked from home the whole time. It's been 7 months since I left Vegas, and she didn't inform me she planned on keeping him until my work was too busy to do anything about it, during which time she also left the country for 6 weeks and left my dog in the company of friends. I'm not necessarily asking for opinions, and have reached the conclusion my only way to get my dog back may be through legal means, and wanted to reach out to the community here to see if anyone had experience with this or could recommend a lawyer to be contacted. It is hard to put into words how much my dog means to me, and I should've done something sooner, but that's how it is right now. Thank you in advance for any replies and help.

Hey there. I’m 33 (F) and it was my life’s dream to be a sports reporter. It’s not an easy job market to get into, specially in my country (i'm in South America) where journalists are being undervalued and newsrooms are getting smaller and smaller every day.
In the pandemic, I decided I was gonna stop everything else in my life and just work towards getting a job as a reporter, no matter what. I worked in marketing by day, was working on my degree in the afternoon and did volunteefreelance sports writing at night, for free. I deleted Tinder, stopped seeing a lot of my friends and made a goal that I would not stop until I got what I wanted. I did this all through the Tokyo Olympics, had a little social media following increase and eventually I got a job as social media manager on a newspaperadio. It was less money and benefits than I had at my old job, but I just went for it. It was my dream.
After 4 months or so I had a huge opportunity to work for exactly the sport I wanted and loved, since the only 'official' reporter for it was going on vacation and paternity leave. They gave me a chance and I took it, and here I am 3 years later, exactly where I wanted and dreamt for about 25 years.
The thing is. I'm not happy. Each day that goes by I hate my job and the newspaper I work for more and more. I don't get to do any of the things I love because they cut all our travel budget, and basically I watch games on TV and write about them. I don't get to experience anything anymore, I won't get to go to the Olympics and will just work from the newsroom, my hours suck, people call me all the time outside work hours, my boss hates being a manager and is not open to discussing improvements (I've tried), I'm always anxious, sad, frustrated, tired and, now, I'm getting more and more depressed (I'm already in therapy so there's that). I can't remember the last time I felt happy, and it scares me. I want to quit, but it's so hard to accept that I've worked so hard and so long for a life that is extremely unhappy. To make everything worse, everyone tells me all the time how 'cool' my job is and how they are jealous of me for working with sports everyday and that I get to be on TV and on the radio and stuff. In a way, it is "glamourous" to be a sports journalist on a big newspaper and it makes it even hard to walk away from.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm taking a course on photography and really enjoy it, I got to photograph a few big games here in my city, but I can't do this often because of my work hours, so, I can't even have a side project or something else that makes me happy. Basically, I dreamt about a life that I now hate. I feel stuck and desperate.

So I have these black pimples on my testes called keratomas. Public healthcare doctors don't want to take them out. Their excuse is that this is a cosmetic problem and not a health problem. In reality they don't want to do more work for the same pay. They are public employees.
So this leaves me with only one choice: OTC self-treatment. There is a product designed for warts that is basically pure formic acid. Warts AFAIK are much thicker than keratomas, and the skin on testes is very thin.
I have tried the OTC cryo spray but it did nothing
Do you have any advice for me?

I live in a town house in the North Carolina Piedmont, with a tiny "yard" out back that is not technically our property, but is basically ours, most of the time. Our HOA is pretty hands off, so as long as no one complains, and the area is still navigable, I don't think they will have any issue with us doing a minimal bit of work back there. (We have tried to reach out about it, as well as a few other things, but they never respond.)
The "yard" is on the north side of the building, so direct sunlight is limited. And being in North Carolina, we have red clay for soil, and get a lot of rain. We do have two dogs who potty back there, and our next door neighbor comes through twice weekly to take his trash out and back in. The landscapers also come through weekly, but not on any kind of predictable schedule.
Last fall, Google layed fiber lines, followed by AT&T. We also got a lot of rain during this time, so our "yard" became a muddy mess. All of the soil has since washed away, leaving a thin layer of red clay over course gravel. It does not help that the landscaping company continued to mow weekly through winter, I imagine so they could get paid, and they also clearly have been cutting the grass way too short.
I'm trying to come up with a good strategy to replenish our yard, knowing that we cannot rope it off from people and dogs and lawn mowers. I also need it to not be super messy and muddy, for the sake of both my household as well as my neighbor's.
I'm thinking a sandy loam would be the best type of soil base to build, to hopefully keep it from washing away and also not get tracked inside. I'm also not too sure compost would be a good idea, as it will be getting quite hot and humid soon.
From there, I'm not sure. We've thought about just laying a few rolls of sod down. I doubt that seed would take with a mower running over it every week. We could try to maybe talk to the landscapers, since our HOA is non-responsive, but they speak limited English.
Thanks for reading! Any ideas and tips would be appreciated!

I have been trying to get promoted to ops manager, I already got trained and the promotion was denied multiple times. I transfer to another district and DL loves me, wants me to get promoted, helps me get situated and I help out a few stores with training employees and day to day operations. I get to my home store and day one SM tells me day one “I am going to promote you to ops” yippie. Month goes by…nothing, another month…I ask about my promotion and i’m told they forgor…mkay. Sm leaves for the weekend and tell me to make sure a lot of things get done like signs, truck, planogram, and 2 overdue modules that have been overdue for 2 weeks. So it is me and 2 other employees working during the weekend and we finish everything but one of the overdue modules but I made sure we finished the hour long one. SM comes back and calls me into office and tells me that he doesn’t feel like I have any urgency because the other 2 associates and I did not finish one of the modules and another associate didn’t do theirs at all, I had to remind them that the other associate was not even on the schedule. As a shift supervisor working as an ops manager losing out on pay and the title, I feel disrespected and used so I call up another store to see about transferring and was told to talk to my SM then call them so I talked to my SM and he tells me to call other SM and let them know what they say. I cannot get into contact with other SM and my SM tells me I put your transfer in on the 19th figure it out. Now I know I won’t get transferred unless the other SM accepts it and my SM gave me 0 hours next week and the week after on top of that gaslighting the other associates about the situation and ignoring me in person and in text unless he wants something from me…so far I talked to the new DL about being a floater and getting the promotion I have been waiting for. I love CVS but this whole situation got me really heated and makes me reconsider cvs until I remember the pay (sorry for errors or anything i’m just venting)

⚠️TW: CHILDHOOD SA/R*PE, POTENTIAL VERBAL ABUSE, POTENTIAL MENTAL ABUSE, DRUG USE, ALCOHOLICS ⚠️
So I (18f) live with my grandmother (62f) and my mother (46f). Now, because it’s kinda relevant, my grandmother is sober she only drinks on occasion and hasn’t been drunk in years, I smoke weed as I use it to treat my epilepsy and anxiety caused by my epilepsy and have been doing so since 13 but everything else from other drugs to alcohol doesn’t interest me I see no point, my mother takes pills like Xanax basically anything that will put her to sleep she smokes cigarettes as well as weed and has been an alcoholic since 16 and has tried multiple times to be sober. The longest she’s been sober from alcohol was 4 years back when I was 6-10 when she met her ex husband (who was an ex meth addict and left us for meth, ironic) but every other time she’s been sober from alcohol it’s been off and on for short periods of time. Now, to clarify my mother is a victim of r*pe, from ages 4 to 14 she was assaulted by her carer and beaten by her other carer. She finally escaped and went into the Australian childcare system when she was 12 but her carers still had unsupervised visits with her until 14. She went to mandatory therapy for 25 years. Had her first child at 16, her second at 19 and me her last at 24 all with the same man my father a commercial fisherman who was abusive emotionally, physically and financially. So basically my mother has been through hell and has never felt loved.
In 2018 my mother got back in contact with a guy she went to school with, let’s call him Greg. Greg is divorced, an alcoholic, a typical metal head, had diabetes type 1, is the baby of his family and still lives with his sister and her husband. Mum was pretty rocky at this time, one moment she wanted to be better then the next she was giving up saying nothing works. In 2020 my mother and I moved in with my grandmother her mother. She was still with Greg and still super rocky so I left and moved in with my father for 6 months then moved back in with my mother and grandmother. Her and Greg were going through some issues, me and mum become kinda close at this time. She’d vent to me and stuff. So basically he kept saying he was going to buy them a place then would go back and say he wanted her to move in with him and his sister.
Now, 3-4 weeks ago he broke up with her because there was this wedding they were meant to go to with his family but his mum invited his ex wife (his family hates us) and his sister said she could sleep in Greg’s room and replaces Greg’s photos of him and my mum of old photos of Greg and his ex wife. For the first day or two mum just drank and popped pills, she was really depressed. Then she got better, she got into this health kick. She stopped drinking and started saying she wasn’t interested, she was working out and going on walks, talking about all this super healthy stuff. She was doing great, for the first week I doubted it would last so just ignored her. I was kind of rude that week because frankly I was tired of her shit, I knew were this was going and hated her for it. The second week I started to help her, we were declutterring her room and everything. I was hoping since it lasted a week it might last and maybe I can have a real actually loving relationship with my mother. This week? She said to me last night as she was on her 5th double shot can of Jack Daniel’s she was done, she said she was tired of not seeing the results and was giving up.
This really hurts me, I’m moving out soon. My original plan before Greg left was to move out and cut my family off, I’ve spent my life trying to make them love me only to realise two things. They love the me they want me to be and you can’t force people to love you, no matter how much you love them. When my mum started to do better I said to her “I hope you know this is your last chance to have a relationship with your last child” (to clarify, my sister her oldest cut contact only to go backwards and keep talking to mum, my brother her second cut contact and only speaks to her through our sister usually for money) and I was really hoping she’d be better and I wouldn’t have to cut her off. Since she’s been going back into her pit I’ve been a bit frustrated and been giving her a bit off shit I know she DOESNT appreciate. I give her looks when she mentions alcohol or I say things like “are you sure you want to do that👀”. Now I’m kind of planning on cutting her off again.
Basically, what I want to know is would I be the asshole for cutting her off? Would be the asshole for not cutting her off? I’ve always said I want to be better than my parents or siblings. As humans we are hypocrites, we are selfish but my family are also two faced and loveless. As humans we are also selfless and kind and I will be what my family can’t be. But I know they have hearts even if they aren’t sure how to use them, but who am I to tell someone how to use their heart. They aren’t loving me the way I want to be loved but am I loving them the way they want to be loved, but is that their job? Is that my job? I want to do the right thing by me, but to do that I can’t hurt anyone, and that’s just not possible. How do I leave them knowing I love them still?

So, this may be a niche question, but any assistance would be extremely helpful.
I am helping my mom with her PSLF process, and she is currently at 120 TEPSLF and 41 PSLF payments these were listed as eligible and qualifying by Mohela before the May 1 shutdown. Thus, we are only waiting on the IDR one-time adjustment.
Now, here comes the niche part.
She works at a church (United Methodist Conference), however, this evening they decided to leave the conference (this is a highly political and contentious issue). Nevertheless, they plan on joining the Global Methodist Conference on July 1, 2024. She will still be working for a church, which according to IRS guidelines is automatically a 501c3, but unlike the United Methodist Conference the Global Methodist Conference does not have a group ruling for 501c3 status.
Thus, my question is 2 parts. (1) Does it even matter that the church is going through this transition since she has already submitted the paperwork for PSLF and the necessary 120 payments are already listed as eligible and qualifying? Thus, she is just waiting on the IDR one-time adjustment. (2) Does anyone have a similar experience with a church that transitioned to a different denomination/conference? According, to their accountant their EIN will not change, they will simply be asked for a change of name via the IRS. I hope this means that the process for her PSLF is easier.

I drank again tonight. Struggling to calm the thoughts and listen to the rational side of my brain that reminds me why this is so bad. It's so so hard when I feel so calm and utterly at peace when I reach this point. I've gotten so much work done l, handled difficult situations a lot better than my usual stressed out self would've and even taken time for self care. I have so much energy when I drink. Yet it leaves me an absolute wreck the next day. I'm up in a few hours. Got a really important meeting tomorrow and I don't even know how that's all going to go when I'm currently sat here at almost 2am still wide awake. At what point in sobriety are you able to drown out the voices and focus on why drinking again is a horrible, horrible idea.

Do people typically have Buddha's birthday off of work and go clubbing the night before (tonight lol)? I'm leaving Seoul soon and want to experience the Hongdae night life.

To start things off, I was always aware of our age gap and problems it may cause in our relationship.
My husband and I didn't meet until I was well into being eighteen, and he was twenty-eight. It didn't bother me much, as he doesn't act much older than me and I'd always felt older than I was due to having a ton of younger siblings, step siblings, and foster kids in and out of my mother's house growing up.
We got engaged when I was nineteen at a yungblood concert, and we originally planned to wait to marry until I was at least twenty. Plans changed when I decided to go into the air force, and we had to push up the wedding in order for him to eventually stay with me on base after basic training.
Fast forward a few months after we were married and I had left for Texas for training, I was injured during PT training and sent home. It was during the craziest parts of covid, so everything was on lockdown and they had strict rules about not keeping anyone on base for a long period of time if injured. I was medically discharged and sent home to heal and have potential surgery.
At the time, my husband was staying with his friend in the city we planned to move to. We already put down a deposit on an apartment when we found out I was going home, but due to Covid restrictions and eviction restrictions, it was returned to us and we were told we could no longer move in.
The first issue I was seeing when I got home was his disattention to me. I was gone for over a month and missed celebrating my twentieth birthday with anyone but the girls in medhold with me, so I was looking forward to spending quality time with my husband.
We went out to eat with his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and one of her friends. I felt like a fifth wheel during the meal, as I was sat at the end of the table instead of being at my husband's side where her friend was sitting. Most of the conversations didn't include me, and I ended up going back to his friend's place feeling let down.
The rest of the time we were staying with his friend, they wanted all of us to go mountain climbing, cliff jumping, and trekking through the woods as they lived in a nature-centered part of the area. (Keep in mind, I was just sent home for being injured, and I had both a knee and ankle brace on my right leg that prevented much movement other than some hobbled walking that was slower than a normal pace).
When I expressed that I wasn't comfortable doing those things and that I wouldn't be jumping thirty feet into a freezing lake when I could barely walk as it is, my husband got upset with me and eventually just left me there alone while they all went to hang out together.
Flash forward four years, it is now 2024 and we have a two-year-old toddler. I didn't end up getting surgery, and I spent nine months being sicker than I'd ever been in my life.
It was a really rough pregnancy for me, and I'd ended up in the hospital multiple times because I couldn't even smell food or step foot into our kitchen without throwing up.
That all went on until the beginning of my third trimester. We decided to travel back to his friend's place, and I was somehow roped into climbing cliffs, wading through treacherous water to climb another cliff on an island out in the middle of a lake, and sleep at the top of sand dunes in a tent on the ground a couple weeks before my due date.
I was then on antibiotics during birth, because my water broke and the hospital sent me home instead of keeping me. My son was born sick, and transferred to a children's hospital to be treated and receive a spinal tap. I ended up sleeping a week in a hard hospital chair in a leaking basement of the hospital because they didn't have enough space for us.
After we were home and everything was settled, my husband would brag about how difficult the whole situation was for him. He had to sleep on a futon during my labour, and he had to have food doordashed to the hospital because, due to covid restrictions, noone else was allowed in with us and he wasn't allowed to leave to get anything.
He ended up having steak, potatoes, and these other elaborate meals delivered to eat in front of me while I wasn't allowed to eat anything until the baby came out. He even thought about bringing his playstation into the hospital room, but I shut that down quickly.
The first year of my son's life, I went back and forth between staying home with him and working in the factory my husband currently works at while my grandma watched our son.
I won't get into too much detail, but at one point when my grandma moved back out of state (she lives in her camper and was only there for the summer), I had to switch to the afternoon shift.
There is a factory supervisor on that shift that is a male and close to my husband's age. Other than the other person in my same position and two maintenance workers, they only had migrant workers that didn't speak english. This limited the people I could talk to while working my twelve hour shifts (husband worked 3:30 am to 3:30 pm and I would work 3:30 pm to 3:30 am).
My husband got very jealous and territorial at this time. He would expect me to return nearly thirty minutes late from all my breaks, threaten to go up there if anyone told me I couldn't do that, and even punched a hole in the wall when I told him I had to get back to work.
Up until that point, my husband had shown no signs of aggression toward me.
Somehow, a rumour started to spread around the factory that I was sleeping with the production lead. This definitely wasn't true as a) how and where would I have done that? and b) I loved my husband and would have never done something like that.
My husband heard about it, and came home to confront me. He got in my face, screaming and calling me a cheater. He threatened to take our son and move back in with his mom without even letting me offer an explanation or defend myself.
To this day, it still bothers me that he is still so convinced that I cheated on him and that he has no trust in me whatsoever to not do something like that.
I ended up leaving that job and working at mcdonalds for a little while. I had worked there in high school, so it wasn't a big adjustment.
I only ended up staying there a few months to help us catch up on bills before we agreed it would be better for me to stay home with our son for a while.
Our son is two now, and it seems like our relationship has only become more strained. We used to be able to communicate most of our smaller issues and come up with ways to maneuver whatever issues we had. However, in June of last year, my husband's friend that we were staying with in the beginning moved across the state to be near us.
It was all fine and good in the beginning. He had proposed to his girlfriend, and they even asked the both of us to be in their wedding that has yet to happen.
However, once they got engaged, he'd began acting very sexist. Even though both he and his fiance work full time (he works down the road at the factory with my fiance, and she works forty minutes away at a hardware store and has to drive a long way at three in the morning to get there), he expects her to come home and clean up after him, also cook his meals before she goes to bed early to get up really early in the morning for work the next day.
My husband, now hanging out with him more often, started having some of these things wearing off on him.
At first, it wasn't a big deal and I brushed it off. However, I'd gotten a job as a property manager for an apartment complex and also work now. Instead of things changing to adapt our new lifestyle, my husband expects me to continue keeping up with all the chores and cooking.
He'd made a comment that, because he feeds our dogs, he expects me just to do everything that involves our toddler from feeding him, to changing his butt, to putting him to bed at night. It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get him to change his butt or even get pants on him.
We'd gotten into an argument over this, and I told him that it wasn't fair that he expected me to do everything. His response was that he made more money and worked more hours, so it was only fair that I covered everything else.
Sure, I don't work as much or make as much money, and my paychecks mainly cover our son's daycare and our car payments, but I feel like working doesn't excuse him from helping with the son we both decided to have.
It's gotten to the point where I told my husband that if any sexist remark is made, like I should be in the kitchen helping get dinner ready whenever we're at his friend's house, I will be leaving and going back home, and I won't be going back until it is resolved.
The friend's fiance and I have had private conversations about this, and we both agree that it has gotten out of hand, and we both believe they are feeding off each other as they'd never been that bad before.
Everything has only seemed to get worse from there.
We decided to go as a group, along with my brother and his girlfriend, to the draft in Detroit this year.
The whole point was to see players get drafted in person, and we'd managed to get into the crowd in front of the stage before the area was shut down and they weren't allowing anyone else in.
My brother is an avid football fan. He played in high school, and was even offered multiple scholarships to play in college. This was a once in a lifetime experience for the both of us.
At one point, my husband and his friend decided that they would rather stand at one of the screens out of the crowd and watch it instead of trying to get into the sea of people to see it live.
I was frustrated, and expressed that if we wanted to watch it on television that we should have just stayed home. After a heated argument, I thought we'd come to the agreement that we'd go back to the stage and watch it there.
My brother lead us through the crowd, and at the beginning my husband and his friend were following us. Somehow, we'd gotten separated and when I looked back once we found a spot to stand, they were gone.
My phone rang in my pocket, and when I picked it up it was my husband calling. As soon as I picked it up, he proceeded to scream at me for disappearing and called me a "stupid bitch" when I tried to explain that I thought they were following us.
He hung up, and I told my brother I was going to go look for them alone. I spent a good twenty minutes wandering the area that was barricaded, but they were nowhere to be found. I no longer had signal to get ahold of him, so I ended up just going back and watching the beginning of the draft with my brother.
By the eighth pick, texts started to come in from my husband. He had informed me that they all left, leaving the three of us alone. Luckily, I'd driven separate as I left work early to get there.
By that point, I was done with him. I felt disrespected and that hanging out with his friend was more important than making sure his wife was okay or even with him. After all, I was wandering downtown Detroit alone when it was starting to get dark out.
When the three of us inevitably got back to the car, I got ahold of my husband just to let him know we were on our way home. He tried to apologise and ask how everything was, but I was too exhausted and mad at him to try and hold a conversation. He was asleep by the time I got home, and I ended up sleeping in our spare bedroom on a futon.
The next day, my husband tried to act like nothing happened. When I expressed that I felt ignored and pretty much useless to him, he tried to play it off like his anger was warranted and completely ignored the fact that he was calling me names.
I told him that I was no longer going to any big events with him and his friend, and he just rolled his eyes like he didn't believe me.
A day later, I saw a message pop up on his phone from his friend. I guess he had told him what I said about not going anywhere anymore, and his friend said "women" with an eyeroll emoji and "she'll get over it eventually". I screenshotted these messages and sent them to myself, filing them away in a folder in my phone to keep for later.
I slept in our spare bedroom for a week after that.
After the draft, I've also kept notes in my phone with time and date stamps of all the times he went off on me since then. Whenever we get into arguments, my mind goes blank and I forget exact things like this so he likes to say it never happened if I can't remember it.
April 27th, we were sitting watching videos together on tiktok. When someone popular came on that he had been watching a lot recently, I exclaimed that I didn't understand how he got popular all of a sudden. He proceeded to get really agitated and yell at me for not understanding how the internet works. When I stood up to walk away because I was upset, this angered him more. He then expressed that my emotions were overrated and that he was sick of them.
May 2nd, I had gotten home from work and tried to show my husband an outdoor jungle gym on amazon that I thought would be cool to get our son. He claimed it was a waste of money and that we should just take him to the park. When I tried to explain that it was a better idea to get something like this, as realistically we wouldn't take him to the park every day, he freaked out and asked what was wrong with me. He then said "oh my god" when I tried to explain that it would be easier to watch him outside while getting stuff done around the house and decided to just go to bed without dinner and end the conversation completely.
May 5th, we went with his friend and fiance to a cinco de may party in the city. He was drinking most of the day, and on the way home he wanted us to stop some place and get ice cream. When he got out of the car, he hit it against the car next to us. When I told him he'd hit the car, he proceeded to yell at me in the crowd that I was crazy and acting like my mother. He then kept trying to go to the woman in the car and ask if he had, in fact, hit her car. After, he said he was done with me and I was on my own, that I would have to start paying my own bills from now on.
There's been many other entries in my notes similar to this, and I feel like I'm at the end of what I can handle. Divorce has crossed my mind, but I had divorced parents growing up and know how hard it would be on my son. I also don't think I'm in a well off financial position to go out on my own with our son and still provide the things he needs.
I also worry that, if we were to separate, he would push to take our son from me as he'd threatened in the past to do so.
Any advice would be helpful, as I don't know what else to do. Even getting this all off my chest online makes me feel a little better, but there's still the lingering thought in the back of my mind that I'm unhappy and don't know how much longer I can put up with this.
Thank you.

It's been almost four years, and she left two days ago. We're both early twenties. I know people say, and they mean well, like so many kind people on this subreddit, that you have plenty of time to live life, that you'll move on. And I am excited for all that's coming – I just want her to be my partner in it all. I understand that every person thinks their relationship is special, and in this I will probably come across as delusional and cliché. But sometimes you do find the love of your life at 19. Sometimes you do. We met on Reddit, funnily enough, which sounds sort of sketchy, but it was really the best thing to ever happen to me. She is the loveliest, brightest, kindest person in the world. I cannot feel any anger or resentment towards her, only regret that I hurt her. We thought things were over once before, because of me, and everything I needed to work on. Mostly this was related to my dependency on her, and my need to work on developing my own life outside of our relationship. After that, things improved substantially. We were happy and at peace, and life seemed so bright. I did make tangible changes, though, I think, I was not nearly as intentional or consistent with them as I should have been, and as long as we were both happy, I thought we were okay. She told me she was proud of me. It's been the sweetest time, the past few months.
She was happy, too, I think and hope, but also deeply anxious about our relationship. It would come in waves, at least as I understood it. She felt so much uncertainty about me because of what had happened in the past – patterns of behavior, yes, but centrally one thing, which is the worst thing I have ever done. I implied once, about a year ago, that her leaving would probably result in me hurting myself. It is a horrible thing to do to someone. It is so incredibly selfish, and that is exactly what I was. Of course, you tell yourself in the moment that it's different the way you're doing it. That you're telling this person that it's not their fault, that it's really about you, and that you probably won't do anything, but none of that really fucking matters. You're doing something awful to someone you love. And two days ago, when she left my apartment, she told me that it was not something she could ever get over. We had had a wonderful weekend, and just a couple weeks prior had celebrated what she told me was her best birthday ever. But she had also started crying the day before in the car, about how anxious she was. It was so difficult to know what to do. I cannot undo the thing I have done that is still hurting her, and it is not my place to tell her how she should experience the hurt I caused. I could only make better choices now, and be there for her as much as I can.
And then, the next day, she left an event she was attending early to come get her stuff (not everything - my apartment is still full of her, which is the most beautiful thing, and now the most painful - her clothes are still in the laundry) and leave. She was as kind as ever, and we both cried, and it was horrible, but I had to watch her go. I am in so much pain. She had talked before about getting help for anxiety over our past, that it was something she wanted to work through, because she was happy. I was hoping that with time, she would feel more and more at peace, and see through my actions that I have changed. It's so hard to reconcile everything – that she was happy, that we were both happy, watching movies and making taco salad two days prior, and now she is gone. It feels so wrong. I begged her when she left for something to hold onto - that in six months, a year, we could meet, reevaluate. She said she couldn't promise anything. I am in shambles. I take the smallest comfort in knowing I would never hurt her like I did before, and that I will not attempt to guilt her into returning. I understand that she's in pain, too, and if I were to try desperately to contact her, I'd only hurt her more. I wrote a letter, and will send that, and I proposed a meeting place for a couple weeks out, if she wants to pick up her remaining items and talk. I want her to come so badly. I am so scared she won't, and my heart will break again.
I understand, I truly do, that no matter what happens, I have to take control of my life and move forward. It's just impossible to imagine becoming this strong, ideal version of myself and not having her as my life partner, or to not even have the hope that someday she will be. It just feels right to me, it always has, and though I cannot know exactly what she is feeling, she is my best friend, and I know her – and I know how I come across, again, utterly delusional – and part of me believes that she feels it too, and that one day soon, we can live our lives together, adult women, healed, in peace. I miss her so much. I miss everything about her. She is the best person in the world and I can't bear to do anything right now. I just want to sleep, but I can't do that. I can't contact her, can't hear her voice, can't know how her first day at her new job went. I'm breaking. I can't move. I just don't know how to be without hope.
Thank you for reading, if you made it all the way through. I wish you all all the peace in the world.