Charles bukowski horse racing poems

The only PS4/5 posse for women and LGBT+ people around!
We're a very new and casual Playstation posse with a big emphasis on horses and PVE, if that sounds like your kind of thing drop a comment below! Planned events include trail rides, races, horse roping and fashion contests (horses included ofc). Despite the big horse emphasis, all kinds of players are welcome and PVE content will not be ignored by the posse. Wagon rides, missions, bounty hunting and the like are always more fun with a group of friends after all.
Having a team/guild/posse specifically for less common groups in online gaming is something important for people to have, I think. I have experience running a group in another online game thats also for women and LGBT+ people and I can say with confidence that it makes for a very comfortable and close community, a good trade off for (obviously) slower growth imo.
We have a discord server for the community (what doesn't these days) that I will send an invite to upon reaching out. Just leave a comment below if at all interested, I'm looking forward to horsin' around with y'all!
(yes the name is a Chappell Roan reference lmao)

• 18+
• women and/or LGBT+ folks only
• No harassment
• No racism/sexism/transphobia/homophobia

Air, shelter, water, and food, all essentials of life we take for granted. The gratitude of being alive,
smothered by emotional baggage. Just a bunch of pill induced zombies, riddled by life’s perplexities. Not
me, not any more at least. No, now I wake up every day reborn with a newly discovered purpose in life,
thanks to, him.
Most would be emotionally devastated and seek long term therapy, after what I had endured.
Most would need to be heavily medicated, to calm their anxiety of the fear he would return. No, not me,
the person I once was, is now dead. Suffocated, frozen, dehydrated, and starved out of me. Who I was
perished, and I am grateful. I am offering you the same, but before we get started, let me explain how I
arrived at this place of serenity.
The night was the same as always. I had just finished gorging myself on junk food while binge
watching a reality show. Empty bottles of soda surrounded me as I surfed the streaming networks.
Knowing my weight was getting out of control, I still managed to finish off the bag of greasy potato
chips. My bottles of meds sat on the end table waiting for me. Depression, anxiety, stomach, and heart
pills all courtesy of the negligence of my life choices. One by one I swallowed the antidotes of a better
me. Yet, there never seemed to be a stronger version of myself, no matter how many pills I ingested.
Falling asleep, I told myself tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow I will try harder. As I drifted
off to sleep, I felt a sting in my neck, only waking up for a few seconds. My eyes opened just enough to
see him standing over me. Fighting to stay awake, my eyes latched closed, and I fell into the darkness.
Upon awaking, I could hear sounds of mumbles surrounding me. Feeling heavy and disoriented, I
managed to flicker my eyelids. As the minutes passed, my surroundings became more lucid. The foul
stench of pig shit singed my nose hairs. Dust from old haybales stimulated my sense of smell, inducing a
sneeze. An unimaginable pain coursed through my mouth. Still dazed and confused, I heard a voice say,
"we can't have that, now, can we?". Once again, I felt a sting in my neck, causing me to drift out of
reality.
"Wake up", I heard as I came to, "we need to get started". Started with what, I tried to ask. Yet,
my mouth wouldn't open. Tranquilized still, I thought maybe my brain just wasn't cooperating with my
body. Flexing my jaw, I tried again to speak, it was useless. All I could do was mumble. My words were
nothing more than muffled grunts behind a padded wall.
Looking around, I could see I was not alone. Vision blurry, I still managed to make out a large
silhouette of a man sitting in front of me holding a cutting needle and thread. He then placed the needle
on a barrel and stood up. Whistling, "The Sun will come out tomorrow", I began to look around. There were other people with us. Including myself, all tied to chairs and mouths sewn shut. Three of us were men. The fourth was a woman in her
mid-forties. She was crying and moaning uncontrollably. Mucus ran down her face dripping from her
chin. Trying to console her, I batted my eyes. It was all I could do without having the use of my mouth
and arms.
The injection he had no doughtily given me, had worn off. Like the woman, I found myself in panic
mode. My heart raced fast. I thought I would have a heart attack. Wanting to scream, I
couldn't. Wanting to run but I was incapacitated. Fighting my way out, entered my mind, but how? How,
with my hands bound behind my back. Besides, I wasn't a fighter, and the man was massive. He would
be very intimidating under any circumstance. His raggedy hair was sandy blonde with a mixture of gray.
Deep wrinkles hid behind a handlebar mustache, which stretched across his face. Thick eyebrows sat
untamed above his devilish eyes. Watching him, I tried not to make eye contact. I looked everywhere,
other than at him. The other two men looked as frightened as me. One man, the bigger one, had tears
but made no sounds. The other man was a very frail older man. He shifted side to side as he tried yelling
from behind his fastened lips. His arms bared scars of that of a junkie. His body, covered in scabs.
Cautiously, I looked around. A rusty old plow sat in the corner next to some feed sacks. A saddle
lay across an old broken table. Two horses stood quietly behind their stall door. I could see rays of light
shine through the cracks between the boards. It was daylight, knowing that gave me comfort somehow.
The barn was dusty, and as painful as it would be, I hoped I would sneeze again. At least then I could
scream. Abruptly the man stopped whistling and spoke.
Your mouths are bound together so that I cannot hear you. People talk too much, making the
world noisy. All loud with pathetic excuses of their weaknesses. I am not going to kill you. Your life is in
your own hands. Up to this point, you have wasted your life hiding behind your addictions. Cowering
and leaning on crutches of life’s temptations. I am here to save you from yourselves.
The rule of three is simple. You can survive three minutes without air, three hours without
shelter, three days without water, and three weeks without food. If you truly desire to live, then you will
triumph. If not, you will perish. I am here to help you unpack your emotional baggage. Air, the very
breath you breathe, you have taken for granted. So, please slow your breathing and relax. We are about
to begin.
While you were sleeping, I provided you with adequate fluids and nutrition. I cannot have you
starting off, on an empty tank. I want to be as fair as possible and make this a pleasant experience.
Though, I warn you it will not be easy, and you will have to dig deep within yourselves.
The burly man began whistling once again. He placed an egg timer on a barrel, grabbed a plastic
bag and spoke. You can survive three minutes with no air. Do you have the desire and strength to want
to live? For you, I truly hope so.
Standing behind the heavier man he turned the timer and then placed the plastic bag over his
head. The man jerked in his chair, thrashing about. One minute, he said. The man still moving wildly.
Two minutes, almost there just hold on. Three minutes he announced, ripping the bag from the head of
the now motionless man. “Oh dear, I guess he did not have what it takes, next”. My heart raced even
faster as he stood next to the now inconsolable woman. I would be after her. I had to slow my breathing
if I were to live. Picking up another bag, he stood behind her.
The air went in and out her nose as she hyperventilated. “There, there, I’m not going to hurt you”,
he said, as he patted her on the shoulders. “Three minutes is a miniature amount of time. I wish you the
very best.” Her legs kicked out lunging back and forth. Her muffled shrieks filled the barn. “Are you
ready?” He then reset the timer. Fearing for my own life, I turned my head and concentrated on my
breathing. Trying hard to block her out, I went to another place in my head. As hard as it was, I imagined
I was calm and at peace lying on a sandy shore. Desperately, I wanted to cover my ears. Her loud cries
soon became small whimpers. Then to gurgles as she choked on her own vomit. Turning my head back
towards her, I could see her convulsing as life left her body. “Not quite a minute, what a shame”, he
said.
Thinking back to when I was a child, and held my breath under water, outlasting my brother.
Back then, holding my breath was easy for me and I always won. Being in my mid-thirties, I wasn’t a
child any longer. Could I beat this, I questioned. Unlike the woman next to me, who reeked of tobacco, I
didn’t smoke. My chances were greater than those who came before me.
Excepting the inevitable, I practiced my anxiety exercises my therapist had taught me. Four, four,
four, inhale hold, exhale hold. If I panic, I will surely suffocate, I told myself. The other man was calmer
now and followed my lead. Our eyes locked on to one another as we breathed. “Very good, that is what
I want to see, a thirst for life, the will to live.”
Picking up a bag, he then stood behind me. I took a deep breath as he turned the timer. I felt the
panic trying to set in, but I pushed it deep down. Oddly enough, the tune he’d been whistling popped
into my head. “The sun will come out tomorrow”, played as the bag was put over my head. “So, you got
to hang on ‘til tomorrow.” Not wanting to see the blurred images through the bag, I closed my eyes. I
just kept humming the tune in my head. “One minute”, he said. Getting more difficult to hold my breath,
I could feel my heart beating faster and my blood pressure rising. The tune still reeling in my head,
“tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow”. “Two minutes”. I can do this, I’m almost there, but my
mind was getting foggy, and my chest tightened. My muscles tensed up as I felt my existence dwindle
away. The tune that kept me going had faded away somewhere deep into my brain. Hungry for air, I
started scratching my hands behind my back. I was going to die. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I managed to
think one last time. “Three Minutes”!
Air rushed through my nose, as I clung to the remaining life I had. It was the greatest feeling just
being able to breathe. I’d made it, I had beat him, I was alive. “Congratulations, you did well”. “Breath
and continue to appreciate the gift, I have given you”.
Tears rushed down my cheeks, as I sat watching the man set the stage for the last occupant. As
sympathetic as I was, I was overwhelmed too just be alive. Still fighting my anxiety, I closed my eyes,
four, four, four. Sounds of distress and faint scuffling could be heard, yet I refused to open my eyes.
Three minutes passed quickly. “We have another fighter, outstanding.” Opening my eyes, I seen that the
other man had also survived. “Two out of three, I wished it faired better.” “It is a pity they perished, yet
the pigs will eat well.” “Nothing should ever go to waste”. “Their carcasses are a valuable resource.” I
am thankful for their contribution.”
“I will let you rest up.” The next gift, is that of shelter.” “People of the world scratch and claw to
have bigger dwellings of that of their neighbor.” Never being thankful of the shelters warmth when it is
cold.” “Not a second thought about the materials taken from the earth to provide that comfort.” “I will
teach you to not care about the size or the looks. You won’t care if it’s a barn or a house made of sticks.
You’ll learn to be content as it shelters you from the storm.
Not understanding what was coming next, I tried thinking of ways to escape. Wringing my hands
together, I tried loosening the rope. He had his back turned removing the bodies from the chairs. Yet
somehow he still managed to catch on to what I was doing. “That’s a double sheet bend knot.” Try as
you might, you will not loosen or untie it.” “Yet I commend you on your perseverance.” “If you escape,
you will not learn the valuable lesson I am trying to teach you.” “Sit and be patient, like I told you
before, I’m not going to kill you.”
He was right. The more I tried twisting my wrists, the tighter the rope became making them bleed
and burn. “Why was he doing this and why me”, I wanted to ask. The inside of my mouth was so dry,
and I was thirsty. All I could think about was water to wash out the metallic taste left from the wounds
of my lips. Making eye contact with the other man, I wondered if he was as thirsty as I. “The storm will
be here soon, and we can continue.”, he said as he removed a hacksaw hanging from the barn wall.
We watched as the man carried on as if he’d done this before. He laid the saw across a table.
Sweat dripped from my head as I panicked. What was he going to do to us? I thought. Do not worry, this
saw is not for you, he said as he placed the woman’s body on the table. He then began to dismember
her legs. He continued to hack through the bodies throughout the day. He would casually take breaks
between the removal of the body parts. After he was done, he used a rusty old wheel barrel to take the
parts out of the barn. He kept his word. I could hear the pigs happily squealing as he fed them.
The light that had previously comforted me dwindled away as darkness approached. As frightened
as I felt, all I could think about was water. “It is time”, he said as he wiped sweat from his brow. “I will
untie your arms so you can move freely. I encourage you to move as much as possible to keep the blood
circulating. Frostbite and hypothermia are inevitable if you let yourself settle. You can wear the clothes
you have on, but nothing more.
The barn was heated with an old wood stove. Our captor had fed it wood throughout the day. Yet
the wind from the storm outside seeped through the cracks. A chill came over me, fearing what was
next. The four technique no longer working. He then placed a makeshift collar around our necks.
Connected to the collar was a chain. After untying the ropes from behind our backs he told us to stand.
Fearing what he would do, I did what he told me.
He then unlatched the wooden brace holding the barn doors shut, unveiling winter’s wrath.
Weather in Michigan was unpredictable and harsh at times. That night was no different. The wind
bustled through the doors as we all stood staring into the night. Snow was falling rapidly and had quickly
begun accumulating. “Tonight’s storm is only a mild one but will last a few hours.” “Having your mouths
bound is a positive.” “It will protect your lungs.” Your heart rate will lower the less you move so keep
moving to boost your circulation.” “You will have to endure three hours in the weather.” “This trial is
brutal, I know but if your life is precious then you will improvise, adapt, and overcome.
He then led us by the chains out of the barn and into a wooden pen. It didn’t have a roof but was
too tall to climb over. “I know you must be thirsty, but if you try and eat the snow you will only amplify
dehydration and hypothermia.” He then removed the collars and locked the door. As he walked away in
his rabbit fur coat, he turned and once again said, “Do you have the desire to live, for you I truly hope
so.”
Frantically I surveyed the pen looking for a way out. The enclosure was made of old pallets, thin
boards, and cattle fence. It was sturdy enough to keep us in but not the wind out. It must have been
about twelve feet wide by twenty-four feet long. Rubbing my hands along the gaps, I felt something
warm run down my fingers. I had sliced my hand along the inside of one of the pallets. He had secured
razor blades and sharp nails from the inside to keep us from climbing out. Even if we were able to make
it to the top, we wouldn’t be able to climb over the razor wire that spiraled along the perimeter.
More frantic than I, the other man ran back and forth. He was shaking and sweating profusely. How
could he be sweating in this weather, I thought. On the other hand, I had begun to shiver. My feet had
already begun to tingle. Wearing only gym shorts, socks, and a t-shirt, I knew I must keep moving. The
other man was more fortunate than I. He was wearing pajama bottoms, socks and a hoodie. At least he
had a layer to break the wind.
The snow was dry and easy to move. Thinking maybe we could get out from the bottom. I began
moving the snow with my hands. As I moved it, I motioned for the other man to help. My attempts to
get his attention went unnoticed. He had found a nail long enough to cut through the stiches in his
mouth. Watching him, I debated on doing it myself. Though I thought of the burly man and his hacksaw.
Deciding it was best to keep my lips bound, I watched him saw through his. He yelled in agony as blood
dripped from his lips. Be quiet, I wanted to tell him, he’ll hear you.
When the last stitch broke the man dropped to his knees gasping and crying. He then stood up,
removed himself from his pants, and began urinating in the snow. “I’m Evan”, he said shivering and still
covering the white snow yellow. His urine smelled foul as the wind carried the smell. Not being able to
talk, I used a stick to spell out my name. Letter by letter, I spelled it out, Liam. He didn’t acknowledge
what I had written. He didn’t seem to care about what my name was.
Bending over he began to eat the yellow snow. Then pulling up his sleeves, he did something that
made my stomach churn. He picked off the scabs from his arms and started sucking on them. I now
understood he was detoxing and was trying to get a fix from the meth that had exited his body. I had a
cousin in jail once, who had described this same behavior from the inside. After doing this for a few
minutes he then spoke. Stuttering out his words, “I know it’s disgusting, but it is what it is.” “Now how
we gonna get out of this here, Liam. No matter what he was or what he spoke, it was comforting to hear
him speak to me.
Not knowing how to get out I just started moving. Shaking my head and still shivering, I began to
do jumping jacks. There wasn’t a way out and I was so cold. Knowing that I had to keep moving I
continued. I knew that if I didn’t move, my heart would slow and eventually stop. “You gonna listen to
that Behemoth or ya gonna try and help me find a way out?” Stopping, I once again tried looking from
the bottom. He looked for a way to climb over. Neither of us found a way to escape. Both of us,
shivering we stopped looking.
As we huddled together in the corner, a voice came from a speaker. “One hour has passed, two
hours remain.” Your lust for drugs trumps your lust to live.” “It will be your demise.” He’d seen, he’s
watching us, I thought. Not wanting to die, I began running in circles. The pain was excruciating. Every
step I took was like stepping on needles. My nose felt like it would break off.
“It’s no use, we’re gonna die, Evan said as he plopped on the ground. Using my arms, I motioned
for him to get up, but he refused. He sat in the corner with his teeth chattering and shoulders shaking.
While Evan sat, I continued. Running from one end to the other, tears freezing as they plummeted from
my eyes. As I ran, I tripped over something that caught my attention. It was a stack of a few boards
hidden under the snow. Uncovering them I counted them out in my head. There were several I dug out. I
crafted a fort in my head. We could use the wood for a shelter. Once again, I motioned for Evan to help.
Evan didn’t speak or move. “Two hours”, I heard as a voice projected from a hidden box.
Quickly I stumbled to Evan, shaking him. Tears ran down my cheeks as I faced the truth. I was
alone. Evan’s inability to try had snuffed out his life. He was dead. Time seemed to stand still in that
moment. Looking at his lifeless body, I realized he wasn’t a frail old man. He in fact was my age. The
drugs just made him look old. My sadness for him abandoned me to be replaced with anger. He should
have tried harder. I was now alone. He had left me alone.
Feeling numb and secluded, I wanted to give up. There wasn’t much fight left in me, yet
something in me snapped. I didn’t want to die. Ripping my wet clothes off, I threw them to the ground.
Trying to keep my temperature above freezing, I jumped and staggered in the snow. Laying Evan’s body
flat on the ground, I thought I would use it as a warm layer between me and the ground. One board at a
time, leaned them over Evan’s body and up against the pen, making an ominous clubhouse. Shivering
and naked, I crawled inside and laid on Evan’s lifeless body.
No longer having the strength to move, I lay crying. In the last hour I replayed my life. If only I had
another chance to do it all over again. If only I thought as my eyes closed. The door then opened, “Three
hours”. “Stand up.”, he said as he wrapped a fur coat around my frigid body. ”Come on, you have passed
but you are not out of the woods yet.” Replacing the collar around my neck he then led me back into the
barn.
“I have prepared a warm bath for you.” He then helped me lift my legs over a galvanized water
trough. “There, there”, he said, “Just sit and let the bath warm your blood. The pain of prickly needles
washed over my body as the numbness dwindled. Fading in and out, I watched him carefully remove a
stockpot from the stove. He poured the water from the pot over my head. “Just relax, you should be
proud of yourself.” “You have outlasted all who came before you.” “You’re a fighter and you value your
life. I watched as he warmed pot after pot, continuously pouring them over me.
“I will have to give you warm fluids intravenously.” “Try to stand”, he said as he lifted me up and
out of the trough. He then dried my body with a towel. After he dressed me in dry clothing, he led me to
a makeshift bedroom converted from a stall.
As he assisted me into the bed, I noticed a tray with medical instruments on it. What were they
for I wondered, but to tired to care anymore. He then placed the I.V. needle in my arm and covered me
up. “Rest up and sleep while I deal with the frostbite.” Before I was able to think about what he had just
said, I went out.
Waking up, I was no longer cold. The shivering and pain from the night before gone yet replaced
with new discomfort. My hands, feet, face, and head all pulsing. Slowly, I removed the blanket with my
bandaged hands to see my feet. Both were wrapped in bandages. Looking over my entire body, I
reached for my face. It was also bandaged. I could feel that my ears and nose were missing. “I know this
must be shocking to you, but it had to be.” “You had deep frostbite in your fingers, toes, ears and nose.
They had to be amputated. “I have sealed off the wounds and have given you antibiotics to fight off
infection.” “Be grateful your alive.”
“You are very ambitious, and I want to reward you for your success. “If you can continue to
cooperate, I will remove the stitches from your lips. “Don’t speak unless I ask you to.” “Can you give me
word that you can stay quiet?” I nodded in agreement.
As promised, he removed the sutures from my lips. Handing me a tin cup of water, he told me to
drink. Words can’t express how refreshing the first sip was. Not being able to control myself, I gulped
down the entire cup. Handing the cup back to him I managed to mumble, “more?” Violently, he struck
me in the face and stood up. “More, more more”, he yelled as he paced the floor. “Always wanting
more!” “You should have savored every last drop rather than gulping it down like a pig at a trough.”
“You have reached your third trial.” “Water is the source of all life and you will learn to appreciate it. Do
you have the desire to live?” “For you, I truly hope so.”
Locking the door behind him, he left the room. Feeling relief from his absence, I took a deep
breath. Concentrating on the air that went in and out my lungs, I was thankful to be alive. It had been a
couple of days since I was able to breathe through my mouth. I felt happiness and gratitude to just be
able to breathe. The blanket and bed kept me warm from the cold that seeped through the barn walls.
Feling relieved, I felt safe for that minute. I pulled the blanket up under my chin and just lived in the
moment. Looking for ways to escape no longer crossed my mind. Still fearful of the man, yet I felt a
strange feeling of gratitude toward him.
Mixed emotions danced around inside of me as I lay. Thinking of the others that were with me, I
pitied them. Had they truly wanted to survive, they would be alive. Had they fought harder, they would
have won against his trials. My sympathy for them abandoned my thoughts, replaced with
disappointment. Questioning my mental state, I laid wondering if I’d gone mad. How could I sympathize
with a man who had essentially tortured me. How could I be thankful to a killer, I wondered. As
comfortable as I was, I was thirsty. Three days was a long time to go without water. Knowing this, I
closed my eyes to try to sleep through it.
A familiar tune whistled through the cracks of the wall. My eyes blurry from crust, I wiped it away
with my bandaged hand. Curious, I tried peeking through a hole in a board. Seeing the two horses in the
next stall brought back anxiety from the first trial. Sounds of mumbling could be heard. Listening
intensely, I realized he had more victims. Wanting to scream out to them to calm their breathing, I said
nothing. Fearful he would kill me if I spoke. Though I didn’t have to. He was telling them to be calm and
they would live. If only they would listen, they could live. One after another perished throughout the
ordeal. Once again mixed emotions of sympathy and anger fought within me. I slammed my hand
against the stall boards. Why am I angry at them, I questioned myself. Hearing the distinct sound of the
hacksaw cutting through the bodies, I became sick. I crawled back in the bed and covered my head.
“Wake up, you have rested enough.” Leading me into the room where the bodies were, he
motioned for me to pick the parts up. “I will cut the meat and you will load it up.” “Do you
understand?”, he asked. I nodded yes and began putting the severed limbs in the wheelbarrow.
“Take it out back to the pigs.” “I trust you won’t try to run.” You will not get very far in your
condition and the weather” He was right, still bandaged and weak I knew I would freeze. Reluctantly I
put a arm, leg, and head in the wheelbarrow.
Once again, the cold made me shiver as I treaded through the snow. The night was calm. The
moon shined down on the solar panels that lined the buildings. I was on some sort of homestead.
Nearing the structure that housed the pigs, I cringed at the thought of feeding them. The squealing led
me to the hog house. Opening the door and entering, I gasped in horror. Piles of bones lay everywhere
within the house. The pigs squealed in delight as I tossed the body parts to them. The smell was pungent
and took my breath away. Not being able to hold back, I vomited the only liquids I had in me. After
unloading my delivery, I left to retrieve another load. Feet still bandaged, and I was cold, the thought of
running left my mind. Yearning for the warm bed, I trudged my way back to the barn. This went on
throughout the night.
“Almost done, this is the last of it.”, he said as he cut through a torso of a woman. “You have done
well, and I am proud of you.” “I know your cold and must be thirsty.” Yet, you still have forty-eight hours
left until you can replenish your thirst. “Keep motivated and you will triumph over your it” After the last
load was completed, he led me to the bed and rebandaged my wounds. Curiously looking down at my
severed toes, I seen I was missing five of them. The same as he bandaged my hands. I was four less
fingers. Two were gone from each hand.
My stomach grumbled as I tossed and turned. All I could think about was water and food. I
eventually passed out from the nights work. Waking up, I felt disoriented and weak. The hunger for food
and water still consuming my thoughts. “Twenty-Four hours left”, his voice said from outside the stall.
“Get up, I have more work for you.” “You have to earn your keep.”
The man then entered the room and placed the collar around my neck. “Here is a coat to keep
you warm, he said as he placed it on my back. Then he handed me some rubber boots. “These should
help keep your feet dry while you dig.” Wanting to ask, dig what, I didn’t dare from the fear of being
struck again. The task will be difficult but not impossible. Handing me a shovel, he led me to the spot he
wanted dug.
“The weather has let up and the temperature has risen. I can not trust that you might try to run.
He then locked the chain to a stake in the ground. “The hog house needs cleaned of the bones.” “Dig me
a hole big enough to bury the remains of the less fortunate.” “I will return in twenty-four hours.” You
have fared well so far, keep up the good work and you will be rewarded.” He then turned and walked
away.
The sun was just beginning to rise, and it felt warn against me face. The black sky turned to a
canvas of pastels. The view was stunning under any condition. After admiring the horizon, I started my
grueling work. Trying to dig with missing toes was difficult and excruciating. Placing the shovel into the
frozen ground, I bared down with all my weight. Breaking the ground seemed unfeasible, but I managed.
Letting out agonizing cries, I repeated the movements until I finally moved dirt.
Scanning around, my head was on a swivel looking for cameras. The thought of trying to escape
weighing heavily. Using my bandaged hands, I felt for any gaps in my collar. It was tight around my neck.
I Then looked for any weak links in the chain but found none. The steak the chain was hooked to must
have been buried ten feet, I thought as I gave it a tug. Giving up on any escape attempts, I continued to
dig.
The hunger and dehydration had started to take effect. My head pounded like a hammer on a
nail. I became nauseous. Fearing I might throw up, I sit and rested on the ground. Looking down at the
homestead, I wondered who the man was. Nearly falling asleep, I pushed myself up off the ground.
Visions of water surrounding me engulfed my every thought. God, I was thirsty.
After I finished digging the hole I fell to my knees in exhaustion. Worrying that if I fell asleep, I
would die of dehydration. Standing up, I desperately tried staying awake. The chain weighed down my
neck making it hard to stand. Using the shovel as a brace, I wedged it into the ground and balanced the
chain over top of the shovel. It lifted the weight off me, allowing me to stand easier. Standing and
swaying, I watched as day turned to night and night back to day. “Congratulations”, the man said as he
walked up the hill toward me.
“II knew you would conquer the test.” “You will soon be rewarded for your victory.” Leading me
back to the barn, I stumbled and fell. The man picked me up and helped me to my feet. As He laid me in
the bed, oddly enough I wanted to thank him. “Before I tend to your bandages, I am going to start an I.V.
to restore your electrolytes. He then handed me a cup of water. “Drink”, he said. Wanting badly to gulp
it down, I refrained and sipped slowly. The water was refreshing as it moistened my mouth. Water
wasn’t something I normally craved but, in that moment, it was all a I wanted. Living mostly on energy
drinks and sodas, I rarely drank it.
As I sipped, I thought about my body and how I had neglected it. Peculiar enough, the man was
giving me all I ever needed. He had somehow managed to push my stronger version to the surface.
“Good news”, he said as he wrapped the final bandage around my foot. “You have made it to the last
trial.” “But before we discuss that, I want to reward you on your accomplishments.” “I’m sure you have
questions, and I will allow you to ask them.” A little conversation will do us both some good.” I must say
I am as curious about you as you are of me.” He said as he poured me another cup of water. “But not
until you have rested.” “I look forward to it, I will see you this afternoon.” Locking the door behind him,
exhausted, I fell asleep.
Hunger pains interrupted my slumber. Turning about in the bed, images of food ravaged my
thoughts. Trying hard, I managed to push the vivid images of cheeseburgers out of my mind. Replacing
them with the image of the man conversing with me. What would I ask him, I pondered. Would I set him
off again and be fed to the pigs. One would think that I wouldn’t want to talk to him after he had cut off
my nose, yet strangely enough I did. I was curious about him.
My tossing about abruptly interrupted as I heard the man enter the room. “Well now, how do you
feel this afternoon?” He asked, as he pulled a old wooden chair next the bed and sat down. To scared to
speak I laid quietly. “It Is o.k., he said cheerfully as he patted my leg. “You may speak”. “Better but
hungry”, I managed to mumble. “Yes, I know you are hungry, but you have entered your final trial.” You
must endure three weeks with no food.” You have been here a week.” “Two weeks remain.”
“People of the world are gluttons. Indulging in prepackaged garbage to feed the body. Never
having to hunt or forge for it. If you make it the three weeks, you will have learned to appreciate what
you put in your mouth. You will think about what it is for, rather than just stuffing your face. Do you still
have the desire to live, for you I truly hope so.
“What is your name?”
“Liam, my names, Liam”
“Well, Liam, my names Doc” “It is finally nice to meet your true self.” I’ve been waiting along time for
this.” “You are now worthy to speak to.” “You have shed your old, infected skin and are growing new
skin.” “I have helped you thus far to create a better, you.” “You may speak freely”.
“Why are you doing this”?
“To save you.” “To rid you of the worlds temptations” “I am extracting all you have digested and
replacing it with the will to survive.”
“Who are you”, I fearfully asked.
“I am a doctor who the world cast out due to what they call negligence.” “I only pushed my patients to
better themselves and refused to subscribe fake antidotes”. “I didn’t hand them a crutch when they
could walk on their own.”” I left the city and moved off grid”. “Here I am free to practice as I see fit”.
“My patients now, are those that want to better themselves but just need a little push.” “Yet, none have
come as far as you, Liam.” “What is it, you desire, Liam?”
“A life of fulfillment”, I said.
“Are you not now, achieving that goal, Liam?”
Before I could answer, he told me, “Enough talk for the day”, we have work to do. “Don’t speak
unless I ask you to”. Unhooking my I.V., he then furnished me with warm clothes and boots again. “Grab
the wheelbarrow”, he said as we excited the barn. He then led me to the hog house. “I want you to pick
up the bones and put them in the hole you dug. Feeling weak, I pushed through the chore. The sight of
the mutilated parts wasn’t as repulsive to me as before. Yet, I did wonder who they were and where
they had come from. The day sped by quickly.
That night, I laid in the bed thinking of the man. Could he be right with what he was doing. I did
feel a new feeling of accomplishment. Had I truly shed my old self. Had he had given me what every
doctor before him had failed at. Questioning my own thoughts, I drifted off to sleep.
As the days went by, I would often help him rid the world of the weak. Every few days he would
bring in new patients. One after one they failed his trials. Some made it past the first, only to die in the
pen or the cooler, depending on the weather. We had many evening conversations where I learned
more about Doc, as he did me. Some nights I would listen to him mourn their deaths. He would often sit
by the stove talking to himself and crying. He would question their inability to understand what he was
doing. Finding myself somewhat sympathetic to him, I spoke out. “It’ll be o.k. you’re a good doctor, they
just don’t have a desire to live. “Thank you”, he said, “but do not speak unless I tell you”. With that I
climbed into bed and covered my head.
Ribs now visible, I was nearing death. No longer having the energy to help him any longer, I spent
the remaining few days in bed. As the final day approached, he came to me and said, If you don’t die
through the night, I will intravenously feed you the nutrients your body requires. Then you can truly live
your life. Tears filled his eyes as he pulled the blanket over me. You have been an outstanding and
cooperative patient and I thank you. Share to the world the gift I have given you.
Waking up, I was confused and again fighting off a sedated state. Rubbing my eyes in dismay, I
stumbled out of bed and tripped over my tennis shoes. Looking down at my disfigured feet, I was
perplexed at the sight of the floor. Continuously wiping at my vision, I scanned the room. Soda bottles
littered the nightstand. An empty potato chip bag lay empty on the bed.
Falling onto the floor, I curled up into a fetal position and cried. Visions of the dead filled my
thoughts. My mind was baffled with an emotional and ethical struggle. Four, four, four, I tried to
manage as anxiety reared its ugly head. “No!”, I yelled. I was alive and I was thriving. Quickly jumping to
my feet, I ran to my dresser mirror. It would be the first time, seeing the new me since my amputations.
Raising my head slowly my eyes met a man I had never seen before. A mangled mess stared back at me.
Yet, I didn’t see the ugly. I seen a victor. A man who fought for his life. I seen a man with the desire to
live. Admiring my new self, I calming starting whistling that familiar tune. I knew what I had to do.
The next few months, I spent talking to the detectives. Occasionally throwing them a false bone
toward their investigation. Had I not been a missing person, I would have avoided the police all
together.
A year has passed since my abduction. My life has changed for the better. I have faired well. I
often think about Doc and if he is still practicing. I did what he asked. I survive, appreciate, and share my
new gift to the world. I no longer spend my days waiting for life to toss me a crumb of its cookie. There
is value in the very air we breathe, the water we drink, the dwelling that shelters us, and the nutriment
we eat. Yet, it’s been difficult to convince people of this without some persuasion. So, please calm your
breathing. I am not going to kill you. This will only take three minutes. So, relax, do you have the desire
to live?” “For you, I truly hope so.

My sister-in-law is an alcoholic. I had not talked to her for a few years b/c she and my brother stood me up a few years earlier and I was hoping they had grown out of that. So then my SIL tells me that I left derogatory messages about race horses on her voicemail AND she accuses me of leaving a second message on a differrent day calling her names on her voicemail. I did not do these things and it is way out of my character. I am a non-drinker. My brother tried to divorce her once (I stayed out of it) and I have a feeling that day will come. My question is: do alcoholics lie about drinking only or do they lie about everything? I hope ppl will explain this to me. Thank you.

she died from over-drinking
wrapped in a whittle
on a sea
steamer
​
all of her books
of afearing loneliness
​
all of her books about
the heartlessness
of loveless love
​
were all that was left
of her
​
as the strolling sightseer
found her body
​
and told the shiplord
​
and she was quickly withdrawn
to somewhere else
on the ship
​
as everything
went on right
as
she had written it

N.B.: I'm mainly looking for the games listed in the title and at the bottom of the thread. Feel free to post other offers, but if I haven't responded to your comment(s) by my next posting, I likely wasn't able to find a trade that interested me.
​
For sale (for Steam Gift Cards or gifted Steam Wallet balance):
​

• Dark Souls™: Prepare To Die™ Edition (removed from Steam Store; $350 $400 or best offer)
• Fall Guys (removed from Steam Store)
• Fall Guys - Dragon Hugger Pack (removed from Steam Store)
• Fall Guys - Icy Adventure Pack (removed from Steam Store)
• Marvel's Avengers - The Definitive Edition (removed from Steam Store)
• Spec Ops: The Line (removed from Steam Store)

​

• Humble Hunie Sakura Bundle (can also trade for a full "charity" bundle (Australia Fire Relief Bundle or similar))
• Humble Sekai Project Bundle (can also trade for a full "charity" bundle (Stand with Ukraine Bundle or similar))

​
For trade:
*signifies that a game is tentatively up for trade, assuming I buy the bundle
​

• Nioh 2 – The Complete Edition
• Soulstice
• Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Realms of Ruin – Ultimate Edition

​

• A Little to the Left
• Black Book

​

• Superliminal
• The Talos Principle Gold Edition
• The Witness

​

• Destroy All Humans! 2 - Reprobed
• Life is Strange: True Colors
• Scorn
• There Is No Light: Enhanced Edition

​

• Hellpoint
• Remnant: From the Ashes
• Tails of Iron

​

• Hell Pie
• OTXO
• The Red Lantern
• Twin Mirror

​

• Arkham Horror: Mother's Embrace
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition
• Gloomhaven - Solo Scenarios: Mercenary Challenges
• Small World
• Small World - A Spider's Web
• Small World - Be not Afraid...
• Small World - Cursed!
• Small World - Grand Dames
• Small World - Royal Bonus
• Splendor
• Splendor - The Cities
• Splendor - The Strongholds
• Splendor - The Trading Posts
• Terraforming Mars

​

• A Short Hike(?)
• A Story Beside(?)
• Aces & Adventures(?)
• Arcade Spirits(?)
• Battlestar Galactica Deadlock(?)
• Beyond Blue(?)
• Cat Quest(?)
• Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3?!(?)
• EARTHLOCK(?)
• Harmony's Odyssey(?)
• Homeworld Remastered Collection(?)
• Lacuna – A Sci-Fi Noir Adventure(?)
• Minecraft: Java Edition - MCC Island Jingle Jam Rewards Pack(?)
• Monster Prom(?)
• Sifu Deluxe Cosmetic Pack(?)
• Spirit of the Island(?)
• SUPERHOT(?)
• Tinytopia(?)
• Toodee and Topdee(?)
• Train Valley 2(?)
• Turbo Golf Racing(?)
• Valthirian Arc: Hero School Story(?)
• Xenonauts(?)

​

• Angry Birds VR: Isle of Pigs

​

• Dark Deity
• Edge Of Eternity
• Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising

​

• CRYPTARK
• Dead Estate
• Paint the Town Red

​

• Lost Castle
• My Time At Portia

​

• Toodee and Topdee

​

• WWE 2K23

​

• Chivalry 2
• Disco Elysium - The Final Cut
• The Forgotten City
• GRIME
• Spiritfarer®: Farewell Edition

​

• Back 4 Blood
• Batman: Arkham Asylum Game of the Year Edition
• Batman: Arkham City - Game of the Year Edition
• Batman: Arkham Knight Premium Edition
• Batman™: Arkham Origins
• Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
• Mad Max
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
• Middle-earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
• Mortal Kombat 11
• Mortal Kombat 11 Ultimate Add-On Bundle
• Mortal Kombat XL

​

• Alan Wake Collector's Edition
• Bendy and the Dark Revival
• Pathologic 2

​

• CODE VEIN
• .hack//G.U. Last Recode
• Katamari Damacy REROLL
• TEKKEN 7

​

• A Juggler's Tale
• Spirit of the Island

​

• Boomerang Fu
• PlateUp!
• ROUNDS
• Stick Fight: The Game
• Ultimate Chicken Horse

​

• Fae Tactics
• Flynn: Son of Crimson
• Ikenfell
• Ring of Pain
• Void Bastards

​

• After the Fall® - Deluxe Edition
• Zero Caliber VR

​

• Patch Quest

​

• Five Dates
• Late Shift

​

• Demon Turf
• Pumpkin Jack

​

• Trover Saves the Universe

​

• Coromon
• The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos
• Jack Move

​

• Road 96
• SuchArt: Genius Artist Simulator

​

• A Short Hike

​

• Cloudpunk
• Ghostrunner
• Severed Steel

​

• Eternal Threads
• Turbo Golf Racing

​

• Lethal League Blaze
• OlliOlli World
• WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS

​

• Dragon Fist: VR Kung Fu
• The Walking Dead: Saints & Sinners

​

• Celeste

​

• Blasphemous
• Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
• Hollow Knight

​

• Behind the Frame: The Finest Scenery

​

• Bionic Commando: Rearmed
• Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
• Lost Planet 3 - Complete
• Mega Man Legacy Collection
• STRIDER™ / ストライダー飛竜®

​

• Aground
• Calico
• Evan's Remains
• StarCrossed
• Teacup

​

• Into the Radius VR

​

• Aliens: Fireteam Elite
• Founders' Fortune
• Monster Prom 2: Monster Camp

​

• Nomad Survival
• Scarlet Tower

​

• The Citadel
• Viscerafest
• WRATH: Aeon of Ruin

​

• The Blackout Club

​

• BIOMUTANT
• Edge Of Eternity
• Golden Light

​

• Call of the Sea
• Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice

​

• 112 Operator
• 911 Operator
• The Amazing American Circus
• Armello
• Backbone
• Calico
• Euro Truck Simulator 2
• Farming Simulator 17
• Ghostrunner
• Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
• Lust from Beyond: M Edition
• Monaco: What's Yours Is Mine
• Orbital Racer
• Pathfinder: Kingmaker - Enhanced Plus Edition
• PAYDAY 2
• Pilgrims
• Soulblight
• Space Crew: Legendary Edition
• Starfinder Core Rulebook (Paizo key) and Starfinder Adventure: Junker's Delight (Paizo key)
• Strange Brigade
• Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
• System Shock 2
• System Shock: Enhanced Edition
• Ticket to Ride
• XCOM® 2
• X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack

​

• Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game
• Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
• Othercide
• Shady Part of Me

​

• The Last Campfire

​

• Sakura Swim Club

​

• Summer in Mara
• Townscaper

​

• The Long Dark: Survival Edition

​

• Stranded Sails - Explorers of the Cursed Islands

​

• Conan Chop Chop
• Grow: Song of the Evertree

​

• Styx: Shards of Darkness

​

• Hard West
• John Wick Hex
• Phantom Doctrine
• Red Solstice 2: Survivors

​

• Arizona Sunshine

​

• Backbone
• Blade Assault
• First Class Trouble
• Super Magbot

​

• Golf Gang
• Maid of Sker

​

• Vampire: The Masquerade - Coteries of New York
• Vampire: The Masquerade - Shadows of New York
• Werewolf: The Apocalypse — Heart of the Forest

​

• Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl

​

• Crown Trick

​

• Guts and Glory
• Hello Neighbor

​

• Day of the Tentacle Remastered
• Grim Fandango Remastered
• Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
• STAR WARS®: Knights of the Old Republic™ II

​

• Duke Nukem Forever
• PGA TOUR 2K21
• WWE 2K Battlegrounds

​

• In Sound Mind

​

• Little Big Workshop
• Not Tonight

​

• Brigador Deluxe Edition
• Verdun

​

• Resident Evil 0
• Resident Evil 6
• Resident Evil

​

• EVERSPACE™

​

• Cultist Simulator
• GWENT: The Witcher Card Game - Ultimate Starter Pack (GOG key)

​

• The LEGO® NINJAGO® Movie Video Game

​

• Legend of Keepers: Career of a Dungeon Manager
• Legion TD 2 - Multiplayer Tower Defense

​

• STAR WARS™: Squadrons (Origin key)(?)

​

• Bionic Commando
• Street Fighter V

​

• As Far As The Eye
• Impulsion

​

• Orcs Must Die! 2 - Complete Pack

​

• Bartlow's Dread Machine

​

• Blaston

​

• White Day: A Labyrinth Named School

​

• The Walking Dead

​

• Total Tank Simulator

​

• Archangel: Hellfire - Fully Loaded

​

• XCOM® 2

​

• Black The Fall
• Goetia

​

• Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition

​

• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• This War of Mine

​

• Tom Clancy's The Division™ (Uplay key)
• Tom Clancy's The Division™ - Survival (Uplay key)

​

• Highway Blossoms
• HunieCam Studio
• KARAKARA
• Sunrider Academy
• Sunrider: Liberation Day - Captain's Edition

​

• A Kiss For the Petals - Remembering How We Met

​

• Hacknet
• Satellite Reign

​

• The Incredible Adventures of Van Helsing: Final Cut

​

• The Elder Scrolls: Legends: 2 Card Packs (Skyrim) 1 Event Ticket 100 Gold 100 Souls
• ESO Vanity Pet: Bristlegut Piglet and 15 Days of ESO Plus

​

• Ame no Marginal -Rain Marginal-
• KARAKARA
• Memory's Dogma CODE:01
• Narcissu 10th Anniversary Anthology Project
• Narcissu 10th Anniversary Anthology Project - Season Pass

​

• A Kiss For the Petals - Remembering How We Met
• Sakura Angels
• Beach Bounce
• Beach Bounce - Soundtrack
• Blue Rose

​

• Lionessy Story
• My Personal Angel
• Natural - Beyond Nature -
• Postmen Of Horizon (removed from Steam Store)

​

• The Reject Demon: Toko Chapter 0 — Prelude

​

• Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards]
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle : School Girls Edition
• Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
• Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire

​

• Guns of Icarus Alliance
• Guns of Icarus Online
• Impossible Creatures Steam Edition
• Lethal League
• Tempest: Pirate Action RPG
• Tempest - Treasure Lands
• Tempest - Original Soundtrack
• Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf
• Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide

​

• Tenta Shooter
• Gun Gun Pixies
• DUSK
• For The King
• Book of Demons
• PlateUp!
• Kingdom Two Crowns
• White Day: A Labyrinth Named School
• Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War
• Chivalry: Medieval Warfare
• Steel Rats™
• Hue
• Sifu Deluxe Edition Upgrade Bundle (Epic key)
• Gal*Gun: Double Peace
• The Invisible Hours
• Synergia
• ROCKETRON
• Project Nimbus: Complete Edition
• Dead Age
• Spirit Hunter: NG
• Slain: Back from Hell(?)
• Cook, Serve, Delicious!
• Tower of Time
• Danger Scavenger
• Survive the Nights
• Valfaris
• Nongunz: Doppelganger Edition
• This War of Mine

​

• Knights of Pen and Paper +1 Edition
• Knights of Pen and Paper 2 - Here Be Dragons

​

• 112 Operator
• 911 Operator
• Book of Demons
• Broken Age
• Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons
• Crying Suns
• Crying Suns
• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• Driftland: The Magic Revival
• Liberated (GOG key)
• Moon Hunters
• Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
• Wanderlust: Travel Stories (GOG key)
• WARSAW
• X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC (I believe this redeems as the linked Complete Pack, minus the soundtrack)
• ΔV: Rings of Saturn(?)

​

• Arcade Paradise
• Calico
• Say No! More
• Fallout: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game
• Fobia - St. Dinfna Hotel
• Phoenix Point: Year One Edition
• Deliver Us The Moon
• Morkredd
• Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos
• Spirit Hunter: NG
• Survivalist: Invisible Strain
• Warhammer: Vermintide 2
• ENDLESS™ Space 2
• Surviving the Aftermath
• The Long Dark

​

• Duck Game
• SCP: Secret Files
• WWE 2K23
• The Jackbox Party Pack
• Outward (redeems as the base game only, not the linked Definitive Edition)
• Outward - The Soroboreans
• Outward Soundtrack
• Blade Assault
• Founders' Fortune
• Hokko Life
• Monster Crown
• Othercide
• Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous - Enhanced Edition
• ScourgeBringer
• Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey
• HOT WHEELS UNLEASHED™
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
• Sonic CD (removed from Steam Store)
• LEGO® Harry Potter: Years 1-4
• LEGO® Harry Potter: Years 5-7
• STRIDER™ / ストライダー飛竜®
• Bionic Commando
• Full Metal Furies
• Ultra Street Fighter® IV
• Starbound
• Mafia III: Sign of the Times
• BioShock 2
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
• Sherlock Holmes: The Devil's Daughter
• The Mean Greens - Plastic Warfare
• Crusaders of the Lost Idols Legendary Starter Pack
• Project CARS (removed from Steam Store)

​
WANT:
​

• 5D Chess With Multiverse Time Travel
• Astebreed: Definitive Edition
• Avernum: Escape from the Pit
• BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger
• CrossCode
• Dead Rising 4
• Dungreed
• Mega Man X Legacy Collection 2
• Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection
• Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition
• Myst (2021)
• NBA 2K23
• NECROPOLIS: BRUTAL EDITION
• Omensight: Definitive Edition
• OPUS: Echo of Starsong - Full Bloom Edition
• OPUS: Rocket of Whispers
• OPUS: The Day We Found Earth
• Power Rangers: Battle for the Grid
• RAGE
• Resident Evil Village
• The Jackbox Party Pack 5
• The Jackbox Party Pack 6
• The Jackbox Party Pack 7
• Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap
• Zombie Army 4: Dead War

​

• any extra copies of WWE 2K23

​
IGS Rep Page: https://www.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/ti26nz/mizznos_igs_rep_page/

Hi all, My horse is just an anxious mess. He was started at 14 (is 16 now) after being left in a dry lot paddock alone for a long time, and having never left his breeders property before I bought him at 14. He's a sweet sweet boy, but sooooo anxious. A lot of it is separation anxiety, but in ways I'm not used to dealing with.
He's not sour to one horse or his herd mates, he's sour to any horses and most humans too. If I pull him from his pasture and we go to the grooming stall and never interact with another horse or person, he's completely fine. BUT, if another horse is in the grooming stall next to him and leaves, he's neighing, pacing in the crossties, pawing, dancing. Humans he's not as bad with but he still gets anxious when left alone. It doesn't matter if he's with the other horse 20 seconds or 20 minutes, it's the same response.
I took him to one fun show just to see how he'd do. He only walk/sorta trotted one class just for fun, and the rest of the weekend I would ride him or lunge him a bit just to see how he'd do with the show life. Keep in mind We're mostly hunters/dressage and this was a barrel race (I'm a show photographer and was working this show, and so that's why I brought him to it). When out in the warmup alone he would neigh and call for other horses but still mostly listen, but if there were other horses in the arena he'd slam to the end of the lunge line to be closer to them. For the class, I walked straight past the horses in the holding pen and went in without stopping, but after the second barrel he was refusing to turn to the third and was dancing and side-stepping back to the gate. I had ridden him in the show arena twice already, and generally he's not crazy spooky, so it wasn't anything scaring him, he just wanted back to the other horses that again, he hasn't met, sniffed, hardly even glanced at. I had to get off and lead him to the third barrel. Once I'm off he's completely fine. Still nervous but doesn't protest or try and turn back to the other horses. We redid the class at the end (again just for fun/learning) and he tried the same thing, but this time I was able to get him moving towards the third and we finished the pattern.
When riding at home (or anywhere) he gets freaked out by traffic. If a horse rides towards/past him he dances and swings his hind end out and can't focus. If they're moving the same direction as him he;s fine.
I'm just at a loss. Nothing I do seems to make him less anxious. I've worked with other anxious horses but he's just different. I've even tried calming medication at a barn show and a CBD calming liquid at the barrel race and it made zero difference. He IS still green due to a situation that paused his training for 8 months. I don't even care if he can't show, but this happens at home, away from home, anywhere, He doesn't even seem to have pasture friends. He gets chased away to the point I supplement his feed bc the herd doesn't let him eat enough in my mind. And he's SUCH a good boy. I never feel unsafe on him. He takes care of his rider as best he can while being SO anxiety-driven, and will try anything at least once. Other than puddles (his true kryptonite) this one thing is his biggest holdup to being a near perfect horse.
Has anyone worked with a horse that's similar? Any tips? I've been looking at the TRT method but it's pricey and right now I just can't swing it.

Baby races start in the next few weeks! Hope springs eternal this time of year, hoping that once they hit the track you have the next star or at least a nice little raceway horse. Who else is excited ?

The Kentucky Derby was a couple of weeks ago and it got me curious about horse racing. Actually do not care that much, but looking for something local that is different and fun.
It appears that Santa Anita is the most popular, but are there any others to consider? Looking for a fun social atmosphere that is conducive to interacting with others. Went to a race track in Hong Kong last year and had a blast, basically cocktails and every now and then watch some horses go by.

I quit smash a little over two weeks ago but I like to spectate. It's like gambling on a horse race without money. Anyway i watch y'all play and it's shameful. I see you sweating so hard for gsp and it's sad.

-by Swami BV Tripurari
"Mysticism is found in all of the major religious traditions. It constitutes a spiritual experiential orientation, as opposed to a socioreligious orientation to life. The mystic subset of Hinduism is yoga/Vedānta. The focus of such mysticism is to realize all of the implications of what it means to be consciousness: self-realization and God-realization. The means to do so is a systematic approach to isolating consciousness—one’s self/ātmā—from matter, both its psychic and physical dimensions. The idea is to experience and arguably demonstrate that consciousness exists independently of mind/matter. This subjective experience is arrived at by invoking a great deal of objectivity within what could be called a first-person introspective discipline. The objectivity takes the form of detachment from sense objects through a gradual process of external withdrawal and internal focus.
The yogin/Vedāntin is schooled in this detachment. That is, he or she is schooled as to the ephemeral nature of things—things of sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch—and thoughts themselves. The yogin learns that attachment to things and thoughts creates an illusory and selfish sense of self or ego/identity that, like things and thoughts, is here today but gone tomorrow. Desire for things, the Buddha teaches, is the cause of suffering. The Gītā teaches that attachment to the temporal is the womb from which suffering is born. Thus the pursuit of enduring life and happiness is not found in relation to things that are experienced. It is found in relation to the self that experiences. Armed with such reasoning, the mystic cultivates a sense of detachment. The mystic learns to control the mind and senses rather than being controlled by them and drawn through the flow of thought into an imaginary, worldly sense of self. He or she is objective to the extreme, as detachment from things allows one to look at them objectively, having dismantled one’s biases. The “boy-become-man” in Kipling’s famous poem “If—” sets the bar for a believable supernatural: a human who has risen above his or her passions and who practically speaking is human no more—a sādhu. This bar is the ground of mysticism, that which the mystic’s experience is rooted in.
The ideal of science is one thing. Scientists are another. Like other world citizens in human dress, scientists are also helplessly human. But the mystic is not a world citizen in any practical sense. Passions transcended, the world holds no charm. Living within, the mystic experiences a humbled yet heightened sense of self. He or she experiences the “more” that we intuitively sense we are—more than the fleeting sense of identity derived from attachment to sense objects. With objective sensibility as to the ephemeral nature of the world of things and thought, the mystic goes within and does not come up empty-handed. Without doing and without thinking in relation to things of the world, he or she has and knows more by way of direct experience of the consciousness we are constituted of. Indeed, go within or go without is the mystic’s mantra. A person profits more by gaining deep, abiding experience of the nonmaterial self than he or she does through material acquisition. “Being” derived from or identified with “having” is an impoverished form of existence in the very least. The mystic’s sense of being has nothing to do with having and it is rich with universally desirable characteristics.
While we refer to such a person as a mystic, he or she is really what we all agree constitutes the perfect human, one who loves one’s neighbor like oneself by way of experiencing that which all beings have in common beneath the superficial dress of differences in race, religion, psychological disposition, and so on. In the language of the Gītā, the perfect mystic is one who sees the suffering of others as if it were one’s own. Here we are not speaking of unverifiable subjective experiences, we are speaking about observable behavior that is rare yet undeniably ideal, sought after to one extent or another by different methodologies the world over.
However, unlike all of such methodologies, genuine ego-effacing spiritual discipline from mysticism is aimed exclusively at attaining this ideal. However, other than the arguably supernatural yet observable external results attained by such spiritual discipline, adepts also make objectively unverifiable claims as to the nature of their internal experience and its implications. They claim, for example, that they have realized that as a unit of consciousness, they are eternal, and thus survive biological death. Such claims are not unreasonable in that we can see that such spiritual adepts are largely aloof from bodily and emotional necessities. They live with less—much less—and offer more to the world in the form of their universal compassion. While their subjective experience is not something we can determine the veracity of in the laboratory, the objective and systematic methodology the mystics subject themselves to and the consistent results—the subjective experiences—the mystics report, when combined with the observable fact that such mystics have risen above human passion, must be given consideration in any honest effort to demystify or understand consciousness. While anyone can say anything about their subjective spiritual experience, we find remarkably consistent cross-cultural reporting of experiences among mystics from all religious traditions. With the effacing of the conventional ego self—the fleeting, selfish psychic identity—the mystics experience the more that arguably we are, the consciousness that is the ground of being on which the dance of actual love proceeds."

It's as the title says. I've been playing Skyrim for ages, and I have multiple saves separated by profiles in MO2. On all of them, I have FSMP and its requirements, it works perfectly, etc. Artesian Cloaks is fully functional on all saves and profiles, except for one. On all saves, FSMP is fully functional as well.
However I recently decided to get Legacy for the first time, I installed all the associated patches for it, loaded the game, and played. All FSMP mods work perfectly and beautifully on this profile and its saves, except for Artesian Cloaks. Everything else is fine, just not this mod.
I have run LOOT several times over, FNIS, I've changed my load order manually to move various patches around, and none of it works. Artesian Cloaks just outright does not seem to work with Legacy installed.
I've also tried to reinstall FSMP and all requirements, all cloaks, XP32, Artesian Cloaks, all patches, and so on, multiple times now. Still, Artesian Cloaks only works on saves that don't use Legacy, and it does not work on the one with Legacy.
Has anyone else encountered this issue, and if so, did you find a fix? If you found a fix, what was it?
Here's my modlist for the profile:

# This file was automatically generated by Mod Organizer. +Folkvangr - Grass and Landscape Overhaul +Nature of the Wild Lands 2.0 +Nature of the Wild Lands - Riverwood Keep Patch +Lord of Coldharbour Armor and Harkon outfit replacer +SV Skjor NPC Replacer +Resplendent Armor and Greatsword SE textures +Resplendent Armor and Greatsword SE +Legacy of the Dragonborn Patches (Official) +Auriel's Armor (Ancient Falmer Armor) - Red +Legacy of the Dragonborn +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended +Winter Is Coming SSE - Cloaks +Wildwood Echoes +Weapons Collection 3 +Weapons Collection 2 +Volkihar Knight - Vampire Armor +Vivid Weathers - Definitive Edition +Vanilla hair remake +Vallaslin Face Tattoo's Warpaint +UIExtensions +True Ayleid Race +Thrones of Skyrim +The Great Cities - Minor Cities and Towns SSE Edition +The Grand Paladin - 2021 (Remake) +The Eyes of Beauty - Vampire Eyes SE +The Axe of the Nordic Kings (ENG and RUS) +The Art of Beard - New Facial Hairs +Tera Armors Collection Special Edition UUNP +Talos Housecarl Armor Pack +Talkative Dragons +Storm Knight's Legacy Armor +Starsight Eyes +Sound Record Distributor +Solitude Docks +SMP-NPC crash fix +SkyUI +SkySight Skins - Ultra HD Male Textures and Real Feet Meshes (4K2K HIGH) +Skyrim Unlimited Rings and Amulets SSE +Skyforge Weapons SSE +Shields Of Glory SE +Shields Of Glory - Temper Patch +SC - Barsaebic Ayleid Armor for Argonia +RS Children Overhaul +Royal Armory - New Artifacts +Rourken's Relics +Riverwood Keep SE patch +Riverwood Keep SE +Relentless +Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE +Realistic Water Two SE +Realistic Elven Children (Aymar and friends reimagined) +RDO - Skyrim Unofficial Patch +RDO - AFT Patch Final +Rainbows over Waterfalls +RaceMenu +RaceCompatibility with fixes for SSE +Prisoner cart fix SMIM -Prince and the Pauper SE patches +Practical Female Armors +powerofthree's Tweaks +powerofthree's Papyrus Extender +Paradise City for Vanilla Skyrim Special Edition +PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions +Papyrus Tweaks NG +Outfit Manager +Obi's HeadHunter Armor 2K +Northern Armor Set +Nordic Adventurers Armor SSE +Niohoggr Warpaints +Neocatzeo's Resurrection Rod +My Home is Your Home +Multiple Marriages SSE +MultiCraft +More Bandit Camps SSE +Modern Brawl Bug Fix +Miraak - Dragonborn Follower SE +Lionheart - Johnskyrim +Legendary Alpha Shields 2 +Legendary Alpha Shields +KS Hairdos SSE +KS Hairdos - HDT SMP (Physics) - Unisex +KS Hairdos - HDT SMP (Physics) +Kirax_OVR_Draugr +Kirax_OVR_Collection_M +Kirax_LoA_Paladin_Platinum +Kirax_LoA_Berserker_Legendary_Frost +Kirax_Hair_Pack_M +Kirax_ACV_Thor +Kenokun's Warpaints +Kanjs War Horns +JS Armored Circlets SE +JContainers SE +Invisible Armors Enhanced +In the Shadow of the Crown - No Stone Unturned Alternative +Improved Eyes Skyrim +Immersive Weapons +Immersive Armors +Ilieh - Cry of the Damned +Hvergelmir's Aesthetics - Beards +Humanoid Vampires SE fix +Humanoid Vampires SE - Vampires use normal faces and Serana's eyes variant +Horse Armors SSE +Holy Templar Magic +High Poly Vanilla Hair +High Poly Head SV Beards +High Poly Head SE +Helmet Perk Remover +Hearthfire multiple adoptions - Now with custom home support for kids and spouse +HDT-SMP Physics Racemenu Hairs and Wigs Unisex - Male and Female - CBBE 3BA - BHUNP - HIMBO +Guard Dialogue Overhaul SE +Guard Dialogue Overhaul MCM +Glowtastic SSE +FSMPM - The FSMP MCM +Fortify Enchanting +Fores New Idles in Skyrim SE - FNIS SE +Flying Mod Overhauled +Flying Mod Beta by porroone and Flying Mod Overhaul by Indefiance (Converted for SSE) +Flickering Sunlight Shadows Fix +Faster HDT-SMP +Face Discoloration Fix +Extended Guard Dialogue +Enchanting Freedom +Dwemer Spectres Special Edition +Dwemer Outfit - Morrowind Style +Dragon Wall Wisdom - Readable Dragon Walls +Dragon Priest armor SE port (original mod by Backsteepo) +Dragon Breath VFX Edit +Don't Show Headgears +Divine Cloaks +Distant Dragon Roars +DCR - King Crusader Mega Pack +DCR - King Crusader Heavy War Regalia +Dae's Titanblade - Standalone Dwarven Greatsword +Dae's Titanaxe - Standalone Battleaxe and Boss Fight +Crown Helmets Redux +Crash Logger SSE AE VR - PDB support +Crash Logger +Craftable Ayleid Items from Beyond Skyrim Bruma +Convenient Horses +ConsoleUtilSSE +Comfy Dwemer Beds +Cloaks of Skyrim SSE +Chillwind Depths CTD Fix +Cheeky Kids +Chapter II - Jeremy Soule Inspired Music +Celtic Music in Skyrim - SE +Castle Volkihar Rebuilt - SSE +Carry Weight Modifiers +Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer -CBBE- +Bulk Enchanting Redone +Body Paints patch +Body Paints 3 +Body Paints 2 +Body Paints +Blackreach Eerie Ambience +Beyond Skyrim - Wares of Tamriel SE +Beyond Skyrim - Bruma DLC Patch +Beyond Skyrim - Bruma Assets +Beyond Skyrim - Bruma +Better MessageBox Controls +Beards of Power +BDOR SAM Addon - Atanis +BDOR SAM Addon - Anemos +BDOR SAM Addon - Aker Guard +Base Object Swapper +Bandolier - Bags and Pouches Classic +Bandit Lines Expansion +Ayleid Lich Crown - Cut Content Restored (Anniversary Edition - The Cause) +Axe Of The Sea +Auriel's Quiver and Arrows - Gold and Argent Retexture +Auriel's Chapel Restored +Auriel's Bow - Gold and Argent Retexture +Artesian Cloaks of Skyrim +Armor of Hircine +ApachiiSkyHair SSE helmet wigs +ApachiiSkyHair SSE +Animated Wings Ultimate +Animated Ships Patches +Animated Ships +Ambient Warfare +Amazing Follower Tweaks SE +Alduin's Champion - a Boss Mod +Aetherium Armor and Weapons Compilation by lautasantenni +Aetherial Crown +Address Library for SKSE Plugins +Achievements Mods Enabler +[Kirax] BDOR 2024 Collection - Male -(ESL) Dwemer Dogs Companions SE *Creation Club: _ResourcePack *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode *DLC: Dawnguard *DLC: Dragonborn *DLC: HearthFires *Unmanaged: anyonefollows2 *Unmanaged: ApachiiHairMales 

I decided to do it in a summery short version because I don’t want to feel like a tease or keeping you guys waiting I won’t drop names or specific location mostly things that has to do with the recovery and time on mdma pills
How I obtained the bags : me and my friend found a good trustworthy source and decided to buy bulk while the legit pills where around they where a variety of different shapes some basic like angry birds , 1up mushrooms,teslas until the second bag we where planning on both using and selling only during festival season or for summer more party like seasons which we would take a certain amount with us that event to sell
While we did test the top of the bags which was cleared for mdma I won’t lie and say we tested the whole batches but can vouch every pill had the same effect idk
The good : while my time on mdma i had social experiences I never would of had otherwise it helped me understand a lot about my depression and anxiety along with social anxiety in big crowds. Another thing was connecting with people in a deeper level really understanding the full spectrum of deep emotion found alot of new and odd music that I still listen to that I am grateful for completely took away doubt in terms of trying new things or going new places with out those little shapes I don’t think I would’ve had a glimpse of normal life without depression and anxiety.
It sure in hell helped me creatively not that I wasn’t without it because as a hobby I love designing and concepting things such as films ,books , animation even found that I’m pretty decent at rock music well back up vocals but that’s the beauty ig finding some sort of new talent
Where I messed up at is falling I love with the therapeutic aspect of it because I would take it a lot solo and dig with in my self to completely understand every aspect as well as other aspects of people psyche it was so refreshing to connect in this way… non the less good things can’t last for ever.
Lol as for pleasure ehhh I mean yes can be horny but not as it seems in media also for my males out there dude be ready for e dick 🤣 aka the shrivels
What it really helped me with is coming to terms with wounds from exs that never fully healed or suppressed especially with a girl which was my first long term relationship 5 yes
Helped me plan/focus on a way I wanted to be and self improvement I won’t say this for everyone though depends on how you use mdma
Helped alot with ptsd letting shit go and setting rules/boundaries
Had some killer work out sessions and improve my combat sports technique along with performance also actually listening taking in the coaching
The bad
The sweet release and momentum you get from them leads you to taking them everyday for me ig to be more consistent in mental mood (even though this would have the reverse opposite coming off the first year bad )
I found my self building a tolerance leading to dosing 3 times a day or taking a couple half’s max no I’m not a mad man I think I would be dead hell I’m not sure how I’m not dead with the abuse lol but sure I’m hell ain’t the same
I won’t say all the connection but a quarter of them where fake ig or not intense for the person once completely sober it can lead to of alot of truthful moments maybe not ready to be touched on or maybe the person/oneself can’t handle. Can say Boths builds or destroy relationships/friendships
The brain fog on brakes are shit depending on how active your day is can be tolerable what sucks it’s the frequent space outs and irritability
Idk if other hard users have or do experience this but frequent sleep paralysis no audio or visual hallucinations though
Please please I stress stay hydrated with water or the frequent urination will persist took me months after for it to get better still piss like a racing horse more then usual
Ehhhh depending on diet and fitness I found my self bouncing between 150 to 205 male in his 20s it will knock your hunger sometimes not eating half of the day
Some days finding myself wasting the day away hyper focusing on few things and not finishing them getting distracted
Another part where I messed up at was dosing in the morning I feel my not giving my body time to naturally register and then simply rolling to frequent
Leading up to the ugly I did take a month break but one night the night of clarity was when I started back up took 4 in a day idk how I didn’t od but definitely got serotonin syndrome which was hell lasted a couple days well the side effects
The ugly aka after
Dude the first year was hell I won’t lie mostly mental can’t say I suffered to many physical effects besides easier for body temperature to rise and memory
The first year was almost unbearable I’m a way it feels like a chemical lobotomy no emotions just the most intense extreme sadness sometimes not leaving my room
Weaker vision like in terms I can’t focus on things long like I use to before blurring or higher sensitivity to light/sun
Restless leg syndrome for a couple months and a cloud of anxious feelings Ovr your head like say when you’re in highschool and you get called out after school to fight the next day at lunch
Times of just spacing out staring straight forward
Chills and inconsistent body temperature
Robotic emotional responses noooo not even my favorite songs triggered anything it was just like blabbering in the background while I spaced out
Bad short term memory lost this has gotten better now on year two but memory issues still persist like if I want to remember a fun memory I have to really sit and think also not very vivid as it use to be to described in a story
No interest in simple human interaction such as a short convo improved after half a year clean
alot of light headedness through out day to day task with shortness of breath and heart palpitations but these all have dissipated thank god
It was weird for half a week one pupil was dilated
Frequent urination although has gotten way better i still have to piss more then I use to
This is a shitpost summery I will make a cleaner more detailed description of each part separately but feel free to ask questions below I just didn’t want to keep you guys waiting I’m pretty sure I’m missing some stuff but hey I’ll get it in the full individual post.

Hi everyone,
I pick up my first ever owned purebred Arab next week 💁🏼‍♀️a tad excited 😂.
I wouldn’t say I’m an excessively experienced horse owner I did for 1 years of my life have a gorgeous ex TB race horse 17hh in my younger years that I loved dearly however upon researching Arab’s have very different feeding requirements.
I want to ensure I feed him exactly what he needs. Hi will be paddocked in a healthy non over grown yard and is a 8yr old gelding, 14hh unofficially measured. After researching dr google I’m lead to believe he will weigh roughly 410kg’s.
With these basics in mind I’m still struggling to find good info on what extra fodder he may require. Also struggling to work out what actual fodder would be good as a basic to feed him.
His health is excellent as far as I’m aware and I’m having my vet go suss him out this week before making my purchase.
I just want to make sure I’m completely ready for this gorgeous boy to join our family.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post if you made it this far and apologies if I wrote to many things down unnecessarily (it’s 3am and I e been awake since 6am this morning my brain hasn’t wanted to switch off but clearly needs to 😂😅).

Puddy-tat is up in the middle of the night now meowing to get outside and prancing about the house like a race horse.
And I'm up and wide-eyed right besides him.
"Strangers waitin' Up and down the boulevard.
Their shadows searchin' in the night.
Streetlights, people Livin' just to find emotion.
Hidin' somewhere in the niiiiiiiight."

My mare was tied to pipe gate Friday night attached to an electric fence to be fly sheeted. She does not need to be tied to be fly sheeted and everyone is supposed to be using the cross ties in the barn, not tying horses to gates. She loves her sheet and stands still for it. The electric fence zapped her as she was tied too close to it, she spooked, pulled back, took the gate off the line and her rear legs were stuck through it, and her face tied to it while she galloped around the property panicking. She suffered severe lacerations on all four legs, ripped her chestnuts off, ripped a shoe. has cuts between her butt cheeks, is swollen everywhere, and is traumatized. Stall bound for at least 3 weeks and she is normally a 24/7 pasture girl. I am so sad, and upset for her. She is not happy.
I was called about it and raced to the barn. The vet would not come out and wanted her trailered in for stitches. I opted not to stitch the biggest wound, but wrap it as it is on the front leg and would rip out instantly. We treated her, got antibiotics, bute, muscle relaxers fulfilled. Was in contact with my personal vet through photos, texts, etc.
I was told by the barn manager exactly what happened and the individual at fault. I am being sent bills for her medications and supplies, and I have a feeling they will send me a bill for stall board as I pay pasture board. I am not okay with this as they admitted fault and my mare is not accident prone. I do not even know what physiological issues she may have after her wounds heal. I signed the board agreement when I moved there with the typical rules about equines being dangerous and that they would not be held responsible for injury, etc. But this is not a random pasture accident, this was a stupid decision made by an idiot to tie my horse to a mobile object that has NO safety release or breakaway. The cross ties do.
I have had a terrible last few days. Has anyone dealt with something like this? What do I do? I love the facility and moving her is out o f the question right now. I will not refuse treatment for her either, of course. But I do not think this is right.

I'm new to skyrim and modding in general but I read on load order is important that the game runs properly but I have no idea what or how to exactly sort it properly. Could anybody give a general guideline to follow. Currently whenever i encounter any problems i either do: a) Skip the mod entirely after searching the mods and found it might be too complex to follow b) Reinstall Skyrim and hope for the best c) Enable and disable mods to find out which is working or not working
Here's my plugin modlist if it helps
0 0 Skyrim.esm
1 1 Update.esm
2 2 Dawnguard.esm
3 3 HearthFires.esm
4 4 Dragonborn.esm
5 5 ccASVSSE001-ALMSIVI.esm
6 6 ccBGSSSE001-Fish.esm
254 FE 0 ccBGSSSE002-ExoticArrows.esl
254 FE 1 ccBGSSSE003-Zombies.esl
254 FE 2 ccBGSSSE004-RuinsEdge.esl
254 FE 3 ccBGSSSE005-Goldbrand.esl
254 FE 4 ccBGSSSE006-StendarsHammer.esl
254 FE 5 ccBGSSSE007-Chrysamere.esl
254 FE 6 ccBGSSSE010-PetDwarvenArmoredMudcrab.esl
254 FE 7 ccBGSSSE011-HrsArmrElvn.esl
254 FE 8 ccBGSSSE012-HrsArmrStl.esl
254 FE 9 ccBGSSSE014-SpellPack01.esl
254 FE a ccBGSSSE019-StaffofSheogorath.esl
254 FE b ccBGSSSE020-GrayCowl.esl
254 FE c ccBGSSSE021-LordsMail.esl
254 FE d ccMTYSSE001-KnightsOfTheNine.esl
254 FE e ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode.esl
7 7 ccTWBSSE001-PuzzleDungeon.esm
8 8 ccEEJSSE001-Hstead.esm
254 FE f ccQDRSSE002-Firewood.esl
254 FE 10 ccBGSSSE018-Shadowrend.esl
254 FE 11 ccBGSSSE035-PetNHound.esl
254 FE 12 ccFSVSSE001-Backpacks.esl
254 FE 13 ccEEJSSE002-Tower.esl
254 FE 14 ccEDHSSE001-NorJewel.esl
254 FE 15 ccVSVSSE002-Pets.esl
254 FE 16 ccBGSSSE037-Curios.esl
254 FE 17 ccBGSSSE034-MntUni.esl
254 FE 18 ccBGSSSE045-Hasedoki.esl
254 FE 19 ccBGSSSE008-Wraithguard.esl
254 FE 1a ccBGSSSE036-PetBWolf.esl
254 FE 1b ccFFBSSE001-ImperialDragon.esl
254 FE 1c ccMTYSSE002-VE.esl
254 FE 1d ccBGSSSE043-CrossElv.esl
254 FE 1e ccVSVSSE001-Winter.esl
254 FE 1f ccEEJSSE003-Hollow.esl
9 9 ccBGSSSE016-Umbra.esm
10 a ccBGSSSE031-AdvCyrus.esm
254 FE 20 ccBGSSSE038-BowofShadows.esl
254 FE 21 ccBGSSSE040-AdvObGobs.esl
254 FE 22 ccBGSSSE050-BA_Daedric.esl
254 FE 23 ccBGSSSE052-BA_Iron.esl
254 FE 24 ccBGSSSE054-BA_Orcish.esl
254 FE 25 ccBGSSSE058-BA_Steel.esl
254 FE 26 ccBGSSSE059-BA_Dragonplate.esl
254 FE 27 ccBGSSSE061-BA_Dwarven.esl
254 FE 28 ccPEWSSE002-ArmsOfChaos.esl
254 FE 29 ccBGSSSE041-NetchLeather.esl
254 FE 2a ccEDHSSE002-SplKntSet.esl
254 FE 2b ccBGSSSE064-BA_Elven.esl
254 FE 2c ccBGSSSE063-BA_Ebony.esl
254 FE 2d ccBGSSSE062-BA_DwarvenMail.esl
254 FE 2e ccBGSSSE060-BA_Dragonscale.esl
254 FE 2f ccBGSSSE056-BA_Silver.esl
254 FE 30 ccBGSSSE055-BA_OrcishScaled.esl
254 FE 31 ccBGSSSE053-BA_Leather.esl
254 FE 32 ccBGSSSE051-BA_DaedricMail.esl
254 FE 33 ccBGSSSE057-BA_Stalhrim.esl
254 FE 34 ccBGSSSE066-Staves.esl
11 b ccBGSSSE067-DaedInv.esm
254 FE 35 ccBGSSSE068-Bloodfall.esl
254 FE 36 ccBGSSSE069-Contest.esl
254 FE 37 ccVSVSSE003-NecroArts.esl
254 FE 38 ccVSVSSE004-BeAFarmer.esl
12 c ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS.esm
254 FE 39 ccFFBSSE002-CrossbowPack.esl
254 FE 3a ccBGSSSE013-Dawnfang.esl
254 FE 3b ccRMSSSE001-NecroHouse.esl
254 FE 3c ccEDHSSE003-Redguard.esl
254 FE 3d ccEEJSSE004-Hall.esl
13 d ccEEJSSE005-Cave.esm
254 FE 3e ccKRTSSE001_Altar.esl
254 FE 3f ccCBHSSE001-Gaunt.esl
14 e ccAFDSSE001-DweSanctuary.esm
254 FE 40 _ResourcePack.esl
Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch.esp
unofficial skyrim creation club content patch.esl
LegacyoftheDragonborn.esm
Occ_Skyrim_Tamriel.esp
Campfire.esm
FlowerGirls SE.esm
TrueHUD.esl
SurvivalControlPanel.esp
Experience.esl
Schlongs of Skyrim - Core.esm
High Poly Head.esm
Expressive Facegen Morphs.esl
OCPA.esl
SkyUI_SE.esp
SMIM-SE-Merged-All.esp
Audio Overhaul Skyrim.esp
Relationship Dialogue Overhaul.esp
Immersive Jewelry.esp
AI Overhaul.esp
DungeonsRevisited.esp
Hand Placed Enemies.esp
Immersive Encounters.esp
Hothtrooper44_ArmorCompilation.esp
Point The Way.esp
0Kaidan.esp
Cloaks.esp
Immersive Weapons.esp
Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim.esp
Wildcat - Combat of Skyrim.esp
ImprovedCompanionsBoogaloo.esp
DBM_IW_Patch.esp
ElysiumEstate.esp
Schlongs of Skyrim.esp
SOS - Shop.esp
Occ_Skyrim-Legacy_of_Dragonborn_patch.esp
isilNarsil.esp
Hothtrooper44_Armor_Ecksstra.esp
LABikiniSSE.esp
icepenguinworldmapclassic.esp
Ars Metallica.esp
Cloaks - Dawnguard.esp
Cloaks - USSEP Patch.esp
My Home Is Your Home.esp
Fenrir Blades.esp
Bijin Warmaidens.esp
RichMerchantsSkyrim_x5.esp
The Huntsman.esp
UIExtensions.esp
RaceMenu.esp
XPMSE.esp
AddItemMenuSE.esp
RaceMenuPlugin.esp
FNIS.esp
DSerArcheryGameplayOverhaul.esp
UltimateCombat.esp
Sarta Sword.esp
VioLens SE.esp
DSerCombatGameplayOverhaul.esp
MithrodinSword.esp
Sarah Follower.esp
SOSRaceMenu.esp
CBBE.esp
RaceMenuMorphsCBBE.esp
NibeneanArmorsAndOutfit.esp
CL's Crissaegrim.esp
MCMHelper.esp
MovementMCO.esp
Lazy Weapon Pack.esp
TrueDirectionalMovement.esp
Precision.esp
AX KaidanArsenal.esp
BetterQuestObjectives.esp
BetterQuestObjectives - LOTD Patch.esp
AX KaidanArmory.esp
SmoothCam.esp
Lazy Weapon Pack 2.esp
ValhallaCombat.esp
Attack_MCO.esp
KatanaCrafting.esp
IA CBBE Patch.esp
ImperialStormcloakRangerSet.esp
12FemaleBrows.esp
Keytrace.esp
scar-adxp-patch.esp
I4IconAddon.esp
Arena.esp
HotKeySkill.esp
BowRapidCombo.esp
beltfastenedquivers.esp
Chesko_WearableLantern.esp
EnhancedAtronachs.esp
BetterThirdPersonSelection.esp
Alternate Dual Wield Weapon Speed.esp
Sojourn Over Signposts.esp
JaxonzMCMKicker.esp
ValhallaBackStabFix.esp
FPSBoost.esp
Insignificant Object Remover.esp
WaitYourTurn.esp
SkyrimReputation_SSE.esp
BuyStatsPerks.esp
Skyrim Reputation Improved.esp
Skyrim Reputation Patch.esp
AutomaticItemStorage.esp
Ursine Armour - Non HDT.esp
weight_usleep.esp
Armor of Intrigue.esp
UnreadBooksGlow.esp
TransmuteSoulGems.esp
SOS - Smurf Average Addon.esp
SOS - VectorPlexus Regular Addon.esp
[dint999] HairPack02.esp
Realistic AI Detection 3 - Medium Interior, Medium Exterior.esp
SlightlyFasterDaggers.esp
Book Of Shadows.esp
Nicos Reversed Daggers.esp
ObiWarpaintsTattoos.esp
ObiTattoos.esp
DBVO.esp
Hydra's Reversed Daggers.esp
BW Lydia.esp
LeftHandRings.esp
ImmersiveJewelryXSummermyst - Unrestricted.esp
DBM_UnreadBooksGlow_Patch.esp
DBM_ImmersiveJewelry_Patch.esp
DBM_CloaksofSkyrim_Patch.esp
DBM_SMIM_Patch.esp
AI Overhaul - RDO Updated Patch.esp
BW ifd Lydia patch.esp
IFDL_BijinAlt_Patch.esp
DBM_IA_Patch.esp
LydiaPatch.esp
LydiaPatchForLOTD.esp
zhenli 1.esp
AkaviriTsurugi.esp
OrcPonytailsForHumans.esp
loki_POISE.esp
KS Hairdo's.esp
OneClickPowerAttackMCM.esp
Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul.esp
Convenient Horses.esp
Convenient Horses Anniversary Edition Patch.esp
Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim.esp
AutomaticItemStorage - Ordinator Patch.esp
Alternate Start - Live Another Life.esp
BetterQuestObjectives-AlternateStartPatch.esp
nwsFollowerFramework.esp
And here's the left panel modlist :
*DLC: HearthFires *DLC: Dragonborn *DLC: Dawnguard *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE004-BeAFarmer *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE003-NecroArts *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE002-Pets *Creation Club: ccVSVSSE001-Winter *Creation Club: ccTWBSSE001-PuzzleDungeon *Creation Club: ccRMSSSE001-NecroHouse *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE002-Firewood *Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode *Creation Club: ccPEWSSE002-ArmsOfChaos *Creation Club: ccMTYSSE002-VE *Creation Club: ccMTYSSE001-KnightsOfTheNine *Creation Club: ccKRTSSE001_Altar *Creation Club: ccFSVSSE001-Backpacks *Creation Club: ccFFBSSE002-CrossbowPack *Creation Club: ccFFBSSE001-ImperialDragon *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE005-Cave *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE004-Hall *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE003-Hollow *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE002-Tower *Creation Club: ccEEJSSE001-Hstead *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE003-Redguard *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE002-SplKntSet *Creation Club: ccEDHSSE001-NorJewel *Creation Club: ccCBHSSE001-Gaunt *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE069-Contest *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE068-Bloodfall *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE067-DaedInv *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE066-Staves *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE064-BA_Elven *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE063-BA_Ebony *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE062-BA_DwarvenMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE061-BA_Dwarven *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE060-BA_Dragonscale *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE059-BA_Dragonplate *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE058-BA_Steel *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE057-BA_Stalhrim *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE056-BA_Silver *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE055-BA_OrcishScaled *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE054-BA_Orcish *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE053-BA_Leather *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE052-BA_Iron *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE051-BA_DaedricMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE050-BA_Daedric *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE045-Hasedoki *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE043-CrossElv *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE041-NetchLeather *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE040-AdvObGobs *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE038-BowofShadows *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE036-PetBWolf *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE035-PetNHound *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE034-MntUni *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE031-AdvCyrus *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE021-LordsMail *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE020-GrayCowl *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE019-StaffofSheogorath *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE018-Shadowrend *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE016-Umbra *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE014-SpellPack01 *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE013-Dawnfang *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE012-HrsArmrStl *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE011-HrsArmrElvn *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE010-PetDwarvenArmoredMudcrab *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE008-Wraithguard *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE007-Chrysamere *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE006-StendarsHammer *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE005-Goldbrand *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE004-RuinsEdge *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE003-Zombies *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE002-ExoticArrows *Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish *Creation Club: ccASVSSE001-ALMSIVI *Creation Club: ccAFDSSE001-DweSanctuary *Creation Club: _ResourcePack -1.Bug & Game Patches_separator +- USSEP- Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch +First Person Animation Teleport Bug Fix +- USCCCP -Unofficial Skyrim Creation Club Content Patches +Alternate Start - Live Another Life - SSE +SSE Display Tweaks +powerofthree's Tweaks +AddItemMenu - Ultimate Mod Explorer -2.Overhaul and UI_separator +SkyUI +Survival Control Panel +SkyUI Config Tweak - Equipped Items On Top SE +Dear Diary +Dear Diary DM and Paper (Squish) Fixes +Quest Journal Fixes +SkyUI - Survival Mode Integration +SkyUI SE - Difficulty Persistence Fix +Audio Overhaul for Skyrim (4.1.2) +Sound Record Distributor +JContainers SE +ConsoleUtilSSE NG +ConsoleUtilSSE +Dragonborn Voice Over +Dragonborn Voice Over (DBVO) - Plugin Replacer +Geralt DBVO Pack +Talion DBVO Voice Pack +Compass Navigation Overhaul +Infinity UI +UIExtensions +Convenient Horses +Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim +Combat Gameplay Overhaul SE +Ultimate Combat SE +Archery Gameplay Overhaul SE +Even Better Quest Objectives SE +SmoothCam +SmoothCam - Modern Camera Preset +MCM Helper +Jaxonz MCM Kicker SE +TrueHUD - HUD Additions +Address Library for SKSE Plugins +Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE +AI Overhaul SSE +Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim +RaceMenu +Racemenu Patch GOG +PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions +Wildcat - Combat of Skyrim +A Quality World Map +Attack MCO-DXP +VioLens - A Killmove Mod SE +Movement MCO-DXP +Precision +Raven's Awareness - AC-Valhalla inspired TrueHud color preset +Arena - An Encounter Zone Overhaul +Hand Placed Enemies - More populated spawns dungeons and POIs +Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul +POISE - Stagger Overhaul SKSE +POISE - Stagger Overhaul - NG +Wait Your Turn - Enemy Circling Behaviour +Nether's Follower Framework +Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine -3.Mission & Quest Mods_separator -4.Environmental Mods_separator -5.Cities,Town Add Ons_separator -6.Building Add Ons ( Within Cities )_separator -7.Plant & Foliage Mods_separator -8.Gameplay Changes & Tweaks_separator +Valhalla Combat +True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay +Campfire - Complete Camping System (Supports Skyrim VR) +-CBBE- Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended +XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended - Fixed Scripts +Schlongs of Skyrim SE +Fair Skin Complexion +Flower Girls SE and VR +Better MessageBox Controls +Rich Skyrim Merchants +Experience +Bow Rapid Combo V3 +Compatibility Patch for Archery Gameplay Overhaul (AGO) and XP32 Skeleton Styles MCM +One Click Power Attack MCM +One Click Power Attack NG -9.Animations_separator -Open Animation Replacer -Vanargand Animations - Sword Dual Wield Moveset MCO - SkySA -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Normal and Power Attacks -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Thrusts -Vanargand Animations - Dual Wield Sneak Strikes -Vanargand Animations - Archery -Dual Wield Sword MCO Moveset -Borgut1337's Dual Wield Parrying Non-SKSE Random Attacks (Oldrim conversion) -Elder Creed - Odyssey Dual Wield Dagger Moveset -Dual Wielding Unlocker -Elden RIM x DS3 Mashup I Dual wield katana moveset (MCO I SCAR) -ER Dual Wield Sword (MCO) -Vanargand Animations - Sneak idle walk and run -MCO - ADXP - Elder Creed - Blade -3rd Person Dual Wield Animation Fix SSE -Extra Drawing Animations -Disable Turn Animation SE I AE -Paired Animation Improvements -Animation Queue Fix -Animation Motion Revolution -Dynamic Activation Key -Immersive Interactions - Animated Actions -Open Animation Replacer - IED Conditions -Payload Interpreter -10.Texture Mods_separator +Cloaks of Skyrim SSE +Immersive Weapons +Bijin Warmaidens SE +Fenrir Blades +Sarta - Leather Wrapped Sword +Lazy Weapon Pack +Lazy Weapon Pack 2 +CL's Crissaegrim +Isilmeriel LOTR Weapons Collection SSE +Katana Crafting - SE +Mithrodin Sword +The Huntsman SE +Nibenean Armors and Outfit SE - UNP - UNPB - CBBE by Xtudo +Immersive Armors +Immersive Armours - SSE CBBE 3BA BodySlide +Imperial or Stormcloak Ranger Set SE +Kaidan's Arsenal +Kaidan 2 +Sithis Armour - Special Edition +Kaidan's Armory Samurai for HIMBO +Kaidan's Armory +BodySlide and Outfit Studio +Legendary Armors - Bikini SSE Beta +The Bathsheba Body (BSB) +Sarah - My character as a follower SE by Xtudo +Cleaned and Modernized Keybinds - Controlmap.txt +SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution +SCAR AE Support -Weapon Styles - DrawSheathe Animations for IED +Immersive Equipment Displays +Hot Key Skill +Dynamic Bow Animation +Dynamic Key Action Framework NG +dTry's Key Utils +dTry Plugin Updates +Inventory Interface Information Injector +Belt-Fastened Quivers +Better Jumping SE +Spell Perk Item Distributor +Enhanced Atronachs - With Levelling and Luminosity +Enemy (R)Evolution of Skyrim - EEOS +Wearable Lanterns +Dungeons - Revisited +Better Third Person Selection - BTPS +Immersive World Encounters SE +Elysium Estate SSE +Point The Way +Sojourn Over Signposts - Witcher-Style Fast Travel Alternative +Alternate Dual Wield Weapon Speed +Valhalla Combat - Backstab Bug Fix +Trainwreck - A Crash Logger +Backported Extended ESL Support +powerofthree's Papyrus Extender +eFPS - Exterior FPS boost +eFPS - Official Patch Hub +Low Resolution Particles +Insignificant Object Remover +SSE Engine Fixes (skse64 plugin) +Papyrus Tweaks NG +Skyrim Priority SE AE - CPU Performance FPS Optimizer +My Home is Your Home +Ars Metallica - Smithing Enhancement +Sovngarde - A Nordic Font +Skyrim Reputation +Skyrim Reputation - Fixed and Patched +Skyrim Reputation Improved +Buy Stats and Perks +Automatic Item Storage +AutomaticItemStorage - Ordinator Patch +Reduced weight of Ingredients and Potions +Armor of Intrigue SE +Grandmaster Ursine Armour - Special Edition +Behavior Data Injector Universal Support +Unread Books Glow SSE +Experience - MCM +Legacy of the Dragonborn +Legacy of the Dragonborn Patches (Official) +Security Overhaul SKSE - Lock Variations +Transmute Soul Gem +Book Of Shadows - Behaviour Based Stealth Additions +Realistic AI Detection (RAID) +Nicos Reversed Daggers +Reversed Daggers Moveset for MCO +Hydra's Reversed Daggers +Hydra's Reversed Daggers Keyword patch for MCO Reversed Daggers Moveset +Slightly Faster Daggers +Fuz Ro D-oh - Silent Voice +High Poly Head SE +Obi's Warpaints 2K +Obi's Tattoos 3BA 4K +Hairpack +Tempered Skins for Males - Nude Version +Tryael - The True Nord - Male Nord Preset +Ragnar and Brenna - Nord Presets for Racemenu +Immersive Jewelry SSE +Static Mesh Improvement Mod +Dialogue Interface ReShaped +Sarah as Lydia - Improved Follower Dialogue - Lydia patch +Lydia - Private Version - High Poly Head +Lydia Private Version +Improved Follower Dialogue - Lydia +Expressive Facial Animation -Female Edition- +Expressive Facegen Morphs SE +Bijin Warmaidens Patch Improved Follower Dialogue Lydia +Akaviri Tsurugi +Su Zhen li Two weapons +Left Hand Rings Modified SE +Bug Fixes SSE +Summermyst X Immersive Jewelry +AI Overhaul SSE - Official Patch Hub +Wearable Lanterns MCM Fixed No DLL Error +Dear Diary Paper Anniversary Edition Main Menu Patch +KS Hairdos SSE +Orc Shaved Ponytails for Humans SE +Nemesis Animation +Papyrus Ini Manipulator +Behavior Data Injector

I'm a bit of a newbie to horse racing, but any advice on who you might tip as Nicky Townsend's best jockey and racer going into 2025 would be helpful!