Hi Reddit on wiki, I love you guys so much and really hope you read this story. You guys are great to listen to and love your banter. This is an Oops happy story.
I, 27 female and my boyfriend, 28, male. We have been dating for 7 years and on our 7 year anniversary he got down in one knee and proposed. Of course I said “yes!”. He later told me, “ yeah you picked up the ring at one point and I thought you figured it out”. He proceeded to say “in my defense I didn’t hide it well”. The shock on my face, I didn’t see the proposal coming, which I think is great because I like surprises. But I had no clue, there were hints all the way back to 2023. He told me he got the ring back in Nov of 2023, and he hid the ring in a box in his bedside table drawer. He had the ring delivered to a coworkers house and he bought a separate ring box from amazon (he had to buy it from his friends account since I’m always shopping on Amazon lol). So I asked him “when was this”, he states “some time back in December”. “Remember you would looking for the nail clippers and you just started rummaging through my bedside table, that’s when I thought you figured it out”. The absolute shock on my face because I member exactly what he was talking about. He then goes on to tell me “yeah, I saw videos online of girls who found the ring before the proposal and they started acting super nice and so I started testing you…. Yeah no”. Lol!!! Like wow thanks babe, I told him “ that explains why you kept asking for massages or some shit”. I like to believe normally I figure stuff out and I’m pretty smart considering I’m getting my MBA in business but that doesn’t mean shit, LOL. All my friends thought I was going to figured it out, nope completely oblivious. I think it’s a cute story and just a fun one to tell.
Thanks for reading if you did. Josh, Ricky and Gine keep doing what you do!

Husband and I are nearly 2 years married this month. Every time since we married he rejects all my massages (pre marriage he liked them) he has never offered me a massage, refuses when I've asked and completely stopped oral sex once we got married and living together. The last time he did oral was the day before we got married lol.
Last week his neck was hurting and he mentioned it several times so I said I'd massage it for him and then he he blurts out, 'I'm so arrogant', is this an odd response?
I once asked for a foot rub and he said, 'you're not pregnant, why should he', he said that's the only time he would do it. Why should only a pregnant woman get a massage from her husband lol. My love language is touch I told him this. I like giving massages to show I care.
I've also noticed he plays video games until 1.30am and plays it again first thing very early in the morning for hrs before work and has started using his spare phone when he games and took it with him on his work trip away. I questioned him about the phone he said he has his passwords on there and photos, not sure if thats a good enough excuse. I wouldn't mind but he's just emotionally disconnected... I've asked him to go to couples councelling with me but he says they don't have appointments through his insurance with the military.
I'm starting to wonder if he is using me for military benefits without offering any real connection. I also initiate sex everytime otherwise we just go to sleep. He also never had a gf before meeting me at 27 years of age and says he's introverted. I feel like if I never initiated sex we would never have it.
If someone doesn't initiate sex ever, or never offers massages or never likes to receive my massages, is this a fair deal breaker in marriage? In the past ex partners loved my massages and would return them so it then became my love language so now it's confusing to not have that.
Can someone really be that introverted, or is he not attracted anymore?

Background: My (late 30sF) husband (late 30sM) and I have been together for almost 18 years. We have a tween daughter and a 9 yo son, who are the only two grandchildren in the family. He has three younger sisters who are quite a bit younger than he is (ranging from early 20s to early 30s.) We've been together so long that I have been in his sister's lives longer than I haven't, his one sister was in 3rd grade when we got married. I'm not new to this family. Recently, one of his sisters found out she's pregnant with her bf of two years.
Prior to Mother's Day, the youngest sister started a text thread to brainstorm Mother's Day gift ideas for my MIL (mid 60s.) I've always HATED Mother's Day, we live close to my in laws and my momma's boy husband always prioritizes his mother over me, which is extra painful because his mom has never liked me (there's definitely some emotional incest going on there.) His youngest sister suggested that my MIL "deserves a massage" and we should go in on a gift certificate for her. I thought that was a great idea, and I Venmo'd her our share. A few days later, the same sister started a new thread to suggest we get a massage for my pregnant SIL as well, because "she deserves a prenatal massage." Great! I again Venmo'd her for our share of the gift certificate. In the back of my mind I'd hoped that I would get a massage, too. My MIL refused to acknowledge me on Mother's Day when I was pregnant with my first child, so I was glad that my SIL is getting recognition during her pregnancy.
Mother's Day rolls around. My husband for the first time EVER, in 12 years, makes me breakfast in bed and gets me flowers and a card and does the dishes. Later in the day we go to his parent's house to celebrate my MIL and my pregnant SIL. We have a nice brunch and we give my MIL the flowers, card, and small present we got her and we give my SIL flowers and a card, knowing that the massage gift certificates were being delivered digitally by the youngest sister who is in college in another state. She video calls and my MIL and SIL are given a joint gift certificate to receive their massages at the same time as a mothedaughter bonding activity. There are tears and thank yous and after chatting a bit she hangs up and we wrap up our visit. I received nothing from my in laws. No flowers, no cards, no massage. Not shocking, I wasn't expecting anything, nor do I believe his family is required to give me a gift. But, it's still disappointing. Again, I have been in this family pushing two decades. I have had the only two grandkids for 12 years. We see these people weekly. It wouldn't have been easy to "forget" me on Mother's day.
I didn't say anything there, because what would that accomplish? As we're leaving though, I say to my husband, "well, that was kind of awkward." He asks what I mean and I say that I felt hurt that I was excluded and didn't get a massage. He gets irritated and tries to fumble around some kind of excuse or reason that I was left out, and then riles himself up and gets angry and tells me I'm a selfish asshole for expecting his family to buy me an expensive gift. "After all," he said, "you got breakfast in bed and flowers, it's not like I forgot about you! And besides, my mom is old and my sister is pregnant so they deserve massages!" I didn't even say anything back, I'm so fucking tired y'all. It's not even about the massage, it's about being left out. But it's been this way for so long, I don't even know what's assholery and what isn't. AITAH for wanting a massage and being upset that I didn't get one when the other moms did?

Hi all, so there will be a bit of background here, apologies if I miss anything but I’ll update if I do and it becomes relevant.
My wife and I have been married for 5.5 years, we have an almost 9 month old daughter who I adore, and 2 border collies whom I have trained extensively myself.
When we were dating, it was rocky now and then honestly I saw the red flags and tried to fix them and I guess out of fear of ending up alone, ignored them. We started in long distance living at the others apartment about 5 months of each year in her country and 5 in mine in usually 1-2 month stays. We had some fights but what couples don’t right? But there is one that sticks in my head. She blew up over something minor, we argued and she threatened to kill herself. I wanted to leave then and there, but I didn’t want to see harm come to her. When she got angry she would lose all control, she would hit herself, bang her head on concrete walls, throw things etc, so I to an extent, took her threat seriously, and my nature is to protect people.
I stayed, things calmed down, but unfortunately over our nearly 8 year relationship, this has become a pattern. She would lose her crap over small things and either threaten to kill herself (and on more than one occasion, our daughter also). She would self harm but nothing with knives, or anything, just banging her head and punching herself.
Partly for the above reasons I installed cameras in our home living spaces. I have since caught and archived video of her doing this as well as physically assaulting me.
Recently my brother came to visit, it didn’t go well, now my brother is a really picky person, completely inflexible and generally difficult to get along with unless you do everything his way, to the letter, without him telling you. The only right opinion or answer, is his. While here, we got into a fight because he didn’t like not being unloved when my wife changed plans after seeing a comedy show, ok fair enough, but he flew into exactly the same state as my wife did, completely unreasonable, threatening me (he is no longer welcome in my home), throwing a tantrum and just storming off leaving me to chase after him, until he attempted to physically assault me.
This made me realise that he and my wife are the same, and I’ve known for years that he is the same as my dad, and I really didn’t like my dad at all. This has been the catalyst for a few changes in my decisions recently.
So a few other key points, my wife and I make good money, we’re both on around $140k USD (converted from our local currency, we’re not in the us and are not American, but it’s an easier conversion), we pay sub 10% tax on that also. With that said, all my money goes to our bills and expenses, every last dollar. I have maybe $300 a month on my self and usually have less than $100 in my account at the end of the month, but all bills are paid. We own a h 700k usd house which is more than half paid off in the 4 years we’ve owned it, and a car (roughly 150kusd in my country), so we’re financially well positioned. Her salary supplements her spending and is meant to be our savings. I’ve tried to garnish my salary to create an exit fund if shit hits the fan, but I had to use the whole thing (about 15k) when our daughter was born (worth it though). I’m trying to rebuild this.
The house is in her name, as is the car, however I can prove payments on both.
My wife has a history of depression, which was referred to our local mental health services, so there is a history of this, but she refuses treatment, this only happened when I called the police on her when she was threatening to and trying to jump out of our 13th story window.
Since then she has: - pulled multiple kitchen knives on me and threatened herself (I took every sharp knife out of the house and took them to a friends apartment, she was keeper concerned with stopping me because she didn’t want our friends to know what was happening) - thrown and smashed almost every framed photo on the house, all of which I cleaned up - using said photo frame glass, threatened to and tried to cut herself - attempted to strangle me - shoved, punched and kicked me (only one instance I have on camera) - made me give up almost every hobby I enjoy - wanted our first dog, agreed to help train and care for him, never does - the same pattern is happening with our daughter, but I wanted a child so badly I accepted it would happen - regularly gaslights me - minimises everything I do - recently she has started with backhanded compliments and negging - she will project her fears and dark thoughts and say them as fact of what I think, when they are nowhere near any truth - forced out or alienated all my friends, now the only friends I have are our mutual friends or her friends. - gives me the silent treatment - asks me ambiguous questions and makes me guess what she means - gives me trapping questions which either I tell her what she wants to hear, degrading myself in the process, or tell her the truth, which she blows up over - starting a fight as I’m about to go out so I have to stay home and take care of her and miss what ever I arranged
Some minor things she has threatened to divorce me over: - leaving the aircon on - cleaning the house (we have a live in maid who’s job this is) - not cleaning the house in conflict to the above - working long hours - not earning enough money - being exhausted from taking care of our daughter at night then working a 9-10 hour day - not giving her a massage (she never gives me one but I give her 2-3 a week) - talking - sighing - walking the dogs (part of the maids duties) - not walking the dogs 🤷‍♂️ - snoring (I literally have no control over this) - not being able to remember things (I have a bad memory ok?) - being tired - doing something in her dream that never actually happened and wasn’t even me! (I’m not even joking) - having to go on a business trip - having dinner with my friends (I do this once or twice a year) - not inviting her to a guys night
I am realising that I need to start protecting myself. Aside from storing any and all video I have from these instances, what can I do? Would speaking to a divorce lawyer be of help? I am not yet ready to call it quits, but at the same time I’m not going to risk the rest of my life on her fucking me out of everything I’ve worked so hard to achieve. If we really wants a divorce in 5 days or 15 years, what can I do to protect myself ? Should I fully split our finances now? How do I do this without her catching on or is this a bad idea?
I know my wife is abusive, you don’t need to tell me that. She is quite clearly narcissistic, but I won’t taint your view further, you decide.
Sorry this is so long, but I’m really stuck here and need help, but have no one.

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I don't want this to come across as hate for the internet, because access to the internet opened my world and brought me my first friends. I was really isolated growing up and the internet has been my lifeline, so this isn't about that.
But, I am so tired and exhausted by consumerism and constant ad-messaging and paywalls. I feel constantly bombarded by ads for things I don't need, and I feel like most platform content these days does nothing but get in the way of friendship and community building. I can't keep my thoughts focused for anything because I am constantly being interrupted by absolute crap I don't want to know about. I feel like my mind is being stolen incrementally on a daily basis and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm covered in leeches and the only way to get them out of my face is to put them on payroll in a more convenient area of my life. Reddit is literally the only online place that I don't feel overwhelmed these days.
I used to really enjoy youtube, listening to other people's ideas, participating in some sort of community forum on topics of interest, but I feel like the entire human experience has been monetized at this point. Every video has 2+ ads, not to mention the ads embedded into the content by the creators themselves. What pushed me over the edge today was an ad for getting rid of ads without even an X to click off/close it. Sometimes I want to destroy my eyes and ears just to escape. I have ad-blockers but they don't appear to be affective and even those pop up and ask me for more money almost monthly. None of my friends post on instagram anymore. Everything is content-creators and advertisements for courses, trainings, coaching, items, clothing, etc. I can't even go for a walk without seeing 5+ ads for food and clothing. I can barely talk to another human being without them regurgitating some semblance of an ad I've heard, at some point in the conversation. "Have you heard about X. It sounds/looks so convenient/cool/amazing/fun! I'm thinking about getting it. They have free shipping and a free return policy." "Check out this Y! I absolutely love it. They're having a sale right now if you want some."
I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I deleted my entire youtube history and account. Instagram will be going next when I have the energy to sort through photos and contacts. I'm going to try and talk my partner into throwing dinner parties. I can't live like this anymore. I just can't. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of ad-sense.
Even subscriptions I've paid for have added ads and secondary ad-free subscriptions. I'm finished with Amazon Prime when I'm done with my current show.
I'm all for creators getting paid for their work, but I cannot afford and don't care enough to pay to listen to the rambling thoughts of another person on inane topics, and I've reached my limited for advertisement intake. I need a drive with no billboards, and a walk with no advertisements. Even in suburban neighborhoods, roofers and renovators are advertising from the lawns. I want to cry, but it feels like such a stupid thing to cry about. How am I supposed to explain to people that I'm sobbing because the volume of advertisements right now is so overwhelming it makes me want to crawl in a hole and die or run away somewhere where I can't understand the language, just to be free. I feel boxed in on every side, driven in one direction, buy, buy more, buy everything.
Don't ask a friend for a ride. Buy one. Don't ask your partner to rub your shoulders. Buy a massage. Don't use the pavement outside your door. Buy a treadmill. Don't use the bicycle in your garage. Buy a two thousand dollar stationary machine and pay $40+ a month to access the screen. Don't visit with friends and talk about life, money, and relationships. Buy a subscription and listen to a forty-year-old influencer talk as if they have the wisdom of a lifetime, pretending they haven't made millions from selling common sense. Don't chop your own vegetables. Don't make your own food. Buy it and pay someone bring it to you $10 off today only!!
I'm going to build my actual physical library of books and music again. Convenience be damned. I don't need access to every damn song on the planet, at all times, in every place. I will do without.
Is this just me or is this hurting other people too? I know that I have combination inattentive & hyperactive ADHD which could factor into the impact, but I'm on medication and a supplement regime, and seem to have a solid handle on it in the rest of my life.
Is there a way to get away from all the ads without going the full Monty, moving into the woods and growing your own food? I really don't want to do that. I just want to live a simple life, with a regular job, in an average city...without constant pressure to buy. I don't want advertisements in my mailbox, my email, and my grocery store. I unsubscribe a hundred times and they just keep coming. I don't want to hear about the BIG SALE!!! that is occurring ONLY THIS WEEK...3 out of 4 weeks...all year round. How do I escape this?

Father's Day is a special occasion dedicated to honoring fathers and father figures for their love, guidance, and support. It's a time to show appreciation for all that dads do and celebrate the important role they play in our lives. If you're wondering when Father's Day is and how you can celebrate, read on for a guide to this meaningful day.

When is Father's Day?

Father's Day is typically celebrated on the third Sunday of June each year. In many countries around the world, including the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and many others, Father's Day falls on this date. However, it's essential to note that the date may vary in some countries or regions.

How to Celebrate Father's Day

1. Quality Time Together: Spend quality time with your dad doing activities he enjoys. Whether it's going for a hike, playing a round of golf, or simply sharing a meal together, the gift of time is priceless.
2. Personalized Gifts: Show your dad how much he means to you with a personalized gift. This could be a custom-made mug, a photo book filled with memories, or a personalized piece of jewelry.
3. Handwritten Letter: Write a heartfelt letter expressing your love and gratitude for your dad. Share cherished memories, acknowledge his sacrifices, and thank him for his unwavering support.
4. Cook His Favorite Meal: Treat your dad to a home-cooked meal featuring his favorite dishes. Whether it's breakfast in bed or a gourmet dinner, the effort you put into preparing his favorite foods will be appreciated.
5. Outdoor Adventure: Plan an outdoor adventure or activity that your dad will enjoy. Whether it's fishing, camping, or a day at the beach, spending time outdoors together can create lasting memories.
6. DIY Project: Get creative and tackle a DIY project together. Whether it's building a piece of furniture, working on a car, or gardening, working on a project together can be both enjoyable and rewarding.
7. Sports Event: If your dad is a sports fan, treat him to tickets to a game or sporting event. Whether it's baseball, basketball, or football, cheering on his favorite team together can be a fun way to bond.
8. Movie Marathon: Plan a movie marathon featuring your dad's favorite films or genres. Pop some popcorn, grab some snacks, and enjoy a relaxing day of movie-watching together.
9. Gift of Relaxation: Treat your dad to a day of relaxation and pampering. Whether it's a massage, a spa day, or simply some quiet time to unwind, help him relax and recharge.
10. Virtual Celebration: If you're unable to be with your dad in person, plan a virtual celebration. Schedule a video call, play games together online, and share stories and laughter from afar.

Father's Day is a special from Rakhi.com opportunity to honor and celebrate the fathers and father figures in our lives. Whether you spend the day together in person or connect from a distance, the most important thing is to show your love and appreciation for all that your dad does. With thoughtful gestures and heartfelt sentiments, you can make Father's Day a meaningful and memorable occasion for your dad.

I get panic attacks every single day and sometimes multiple times a day, I've had panic attacks since I was 6. Before I knew it was caused by autism I had to do blood tests, massage stuff, doctors, clinics, therapy. Nothing helped and no one knew what it was. Then I discovered it was a panic attack which helped a bit, at least I knew what it was now. But I still had them every day, at least when I go out of my house I do and sometimes I have them at home.
I've heard that people are scared that they have a heart attack when they have panic attacks and I've heard that people cry. I however, never cry. I never cry during a panic attack, I'm not scared I have a heart attack. Instead I hyperventilate and get EXTREMELY nauseous. I'm really scared that I'm gonna throw up when I do have a panic attack, but it makes me feel invalid because others when having a panic attack are always like "yeah when I have a panic attack I can breathe hardly and I cry a lot". I don't?
After a while I discovered a video where someone talked about autism and I was like "hey that's funny, I have that too." I started doing research, tests and then I figured I had autism. After a while I went to a therapist that did tests on me and they found I had a lot of signs of ADHD and Autism. I'm now diagnosed with autism!
The thing though is, it doesn't make my panic attacks go away (obviously). People say "focus on your breathing" I did that and that makes me hyperventilate anymore and it makes me forget how to actually properly breathe. Others say "breath in, hold it , breathe out" been there, done that. Doesn't work. "Look at 3 things and say the colors of it and the names of it" doesn't help.
The only thing that helps for me is music (sometimes that makes it worse but-), distraction, sitting in the bathroom near the toilet, talking about it, talking a lot. The reason I'm sharing this is because I know NO ONE who has had the same as me except my dad but he grew out of it. He said it became less because he sports. I hate sport.

hi! After once again (unfortunately, never ending quest I guess) being plagued by the logistics and difference in family desires (please be mindful of my desire before reaching out) not matching or people not knowing what they want once again, I'm here (again) because I've been here trying to search for someone to vibe with and explore the possibility of a long term relationship for a good bit now because its been difficult to find someone that reaches out that correctly believes we both match in terms of what we'd both like long term (a relationship and family) or distance has been an logistic we haven't been able to break through in the big picture.
If you think we'd click and we do in fact want similar things in the same location together long term, I'd love for you to reach out if you feel that way by the end of reading through!
Unfortunately, since I have to actually add this, please read my entire post if you're interested before reaching out. I cannot take another person reaching out that does not read everything and finds something they do not want to do (such as relocating), it wastes both of our time and nobody wins. This is far too common on here, and it's extremely confusing.
Anyways, like everyone else on the internet, I'm a 6'1 hispanic dude (pictured here: https://imgur.com/IIy7Hqe - hi, hello!) that's doing pretty good in life! I have an awesome wfh job in a field I enjoy (and had to switch into, heh) that's got things all neatly organized in a little row (home I get to enjoy in the greatest city in the world, nerdy interests and all I need within a walk of where I live), but I'm just missing that one awesome partner I vibe with to share it with!
I turn to here because I've had amazing success in the past, but for logistical reasons (or differences in vision), the lovely people I've experienced romantic relationships with on here ended through nothing other than dating is hard, especially when distance is involved (as it was in all 3 instances). I'm sure everyone can relate to that! I'd love to find someone I can click with, that has an equal attraction to me, that has time to talk to me (voice/video preferred, but happy to type away plenty, we do have lives after all) like we care about each other's time :)
I'll share a bit about myself!
I love all the nerdy stuff like board/video games, on a bit of a nostalgia streak with games I've been totally watching lately and would love to find a game to start brand new with someone (as world of warcraft is nice, but not something I'd recommend to someone new to mmo's!)
I have oddball interests such as a love for asmr videos that focus on roleplay to create that sensation and I'd love to share that with you (and my love for giving massages because of it)
I have been trying to teach myself how to be response with what I have so things last longer, and I'd love to learn from someone just as much as I have a lot to give to you in terms of experience!
I just enjoy talking a lot. I can be very caring, so its important for me to make sure you're doing okay in times like today, so I'll be there for you!
I'm looking for someone who:
Wants a long term, monogamous relationship. I do poorly with sharing, simple as that.
is open to relocation if not in NYC. I can't take my home with me, would love to share my extra space and rooms with you!
Actually has time to spend to get to know someone. I know dating sucks, but I can't wrap my head around how common it is that people think a relationship can develop if you're just never there to get to know. My brain can't wrap that around my head, and I want to find someone who actually wants to be serious about this.
Is open to a biological family one day. I grew up in a loving household, and I want to continue to create that in my future with someone amazing!
If you think we'd click, give me a reach! I feel like the last year has gone so slow because of my search, and I would love more than anything to find someone to get us both out of the adventures that is OLD.
I'm hoping to hear from you soon, tell me something you're proud of so we can talk all about it!

so i was in the shower, and scratched my eye, now i usually always scratch my eyes when they itch while having contacts in but this time it got lost.. i get out the shower to try and find it in the mirror - nothing. try to look at my camera - NOTHING. then i’m done showering and i try to find it using my phone and flashlight and i kinda see something at the outer side , i try to get it but it keeps hurting real bad and my eyes start closing as a reflex. i try to massage my eye and blocked like a thousand times - did not help. i record a video with a flash again to try and find it and thus time i see nothing, like at all. i look down do see if it’s at the top, i look right to see if it’s ok the left and the same with the left side, literally N. O. T. H. I. N. G. idk what to do it’s the middle of the night i’m real scared and i don’t wanna wake my mom up because of thsi dumb thing, but i do need to put contacts in tomorrow morning for school and idk what to do. I NEED HELP FAST PLEASE

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

TLDR: I have had non spinning dizziness for 3 years, did every test, saw a world expert in dizziness at Mayo clinic, diagnosed with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, possibly Vestibular Migraines from a neurologist, but not PPPD, and I accept it finally.
Hello everyone,
I wanted to share my story with dizziness as I have read many others on many different forums and hope that this can help others like others have helped me!
I have experienced dizziness for over three years now (28M) that is non-spinning in nature, it is an up and down feeling like you are on an elevator, on a boat, or walking on sand as some may describe it, typically while walking, standing, or slight position adjustments while sitting or laying down. It has caused anxiety, panic attacks, shakiness, heart palpitations, arm/leg numbess, neck tingling, neck pain, muscle spasms, brain fog, hearing sensitivity, headaches, fevers, and others I am probably forgetting.
I recently visited with Dr. Staab at Mayo Clinic who is one of the best in the world at looking into problems with dizziness, among many countless providers over the last three years. Dr. Staab specifically researches and treats dizziness, and recently diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, but NOT Persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD) as I don’t completely fit the criteria. The reason I was given was that I did not have a typical reason such as an ear infection or other PPPD pre-cursors, and that certain motion does not trigger dizziness in me like typical PPPD patients (I can play video games and watch movies with no issues). I for sure thought I had PPPD, but regardless, treatment is relatively the same with or without that diagnosis for my symptoms.
The best way it was explained to me was that my initial dizziness episode three years ago was a panic attack where the first symptom was dizziness followed by other physical symptoms, and heightened anxiety/panic over this dizziness caused my body to be overly alert/sensitive to the space/movement around me, creating a loop of constant dizziness. While my anxiety has improved tremendously and I have only experienced less than 10 (being generous with this) panic attacks my whole life, the dizziness has improved but remained, as it is described as basically a residual effect of the initial anxiety/panic attacks that my body has not yet corrected.
I also saw Dr. Beh who is a neurologist that specializes in vestibular disorders and migraines, and he further diagnosed me with Vestibular Migraines (which Dr. Staab says is a possibility but he doesn’t have enough evidence to diagnose me with it).
My current treatment includes taking Venlafaxine (going to 75mg soon) to directly treat the dizziness and help with any remaining anxiety/panic issues, receive therapy (psychoeducation and CBT) by a therapist with a PhD preferably, and vestibular rehab. Dr. Staab also said massages (light on the neck) could be helpful as dizziness can cause neck and back muscles to tighten due to the body stiffening over time to try to avoid dizziness sensations.
I was told to take Vitamin B2 (400mg) and venlafaxine in the morning. In the afternoon I take COq10 (200mg) after lunch and 200mg after dinner. Before bed, I take magnesium glycinate (500mg) and effexor. I take other supplements, but these I specifically take for migraine/dizziness related issues.
I have seen Dr. Staab, Dr. Beh, the Vestibular Psychologist Emily Kostelnik, have watched the Steady Coach on youtube, looked into the dizzy cook, and have seen multiple Neurologists, ENT’s, Cardiologists, PCP’s, Physical therapists, audiologists, gastro’s, even an allergist. I was misdiagnosed with POT’s, but otherwise every test that was done came back normal except that I have a hiatial hernia, fatty liver, low vitamin D, and a deviated septum.
I’ve had the brain scans, blood tests, heart monitoscans/ultrasounds, tilt table, ear tests, balance tests, epley maneuver, rotary chair, basically every test you can think of (some multiple times) and have tried basically every supplements/lifestyle changes you can think of as well. I have also done a lot of the above tests at Mayo Clinic in their dizziness program that I was accepted into in Minnesota.
My dizziness began at work 3 years ago when it felt like I was bouncing up and down just while standing and my body proceded to panic. I went from having this kind of episode once a month, to once every few weeks, to every day, to basically dizzy any time I stood or walked. Because of the dizziness, I stopped going to stores, didn’t shower as much as I should have, did not workout, and took off of work as it was so difficult to just walk. I currently work full time, workout, am in a relationship, and can do so much that I felt like I couldn’t do. I still have days where I need to take a break, and you won’t catch me on a boat for awhile as that triggers me GREATLY!
Two things that have for sure helped me so far, walking and time. Going for walks was a hard thing to start being dizzy, but that is something I can for sure say I’ve noticed helps without a doubt. And time; my dizziness didn’t improve overnight, it’s been three years, and i still deal with it! I’ve learned it isn’t going to hurt me and to simply learn to live with it (for now) and to push myself baby steps at a time.
Also, parasympathetic breathing has helped me tremendously as well as guided meditation to relax and practice mindfulness. I pay for an app called Downdog which has great guided programs (and yoga!) and currently get it for free for being a student.
Don’t give up, even if it feels like you are just trying to survive. Don’t let doctors write you off, advocate for yourself. If the doctor doesn’t listen or help, find new ones. Lean on your support system. Help others and share your story so there is more awareness and research for dizziness. It is one of the most difficult symptoms to diagnose. And it is just that, a SYMPTOM! You are you and not your symptoms or diagnoses!
If you have any questions, I will try my best to respond to everything no matter the question or if it is 10 years from now. There is SO much to this journey, and attempting to fit it into one post feels impossible. One thing that bothered me was people posting about their symptoms and never giving updates/responding to others, so I will try my best to do so…

Trial Day 11
Katherine Jackson, Rebbie and Trent are at court.
Choreographer Travis Payne & Katherine Jackson spoke briefly in the courtroom before the jury came in. They seemed cordial
Travis Payne Testimony
AEG direct
Payne is wearing a black jacket with a gold emblem on the shoulders with the word "MJ" & a pair of wings
Payne said he was concerned about MJ missing rehearsals. He didn't know why he wasn't showing up, but MJ was also working on an album and a book
Payne said he did not think that Jackson had a problem abusing prescription medications. He acknowledged that Jackson missed rehearsals and he saw the singer shivering or appearing cold in some of his final rehearsals
He worked with Jackson beginning in the 1990's and testified that he never saw Jackson drink alcohol or take any medications. Michael also never discussed his medical treatments, Payne said
Payne told the jury he advised MJ he was looking thin.

"Michael said he was 'getting down to my fighting weight', which I took to mean that he was preparing for the performances", Payne testified. "I had no reason to doubt him"

Payne says he was satisfied with the response.
Payne said there was one day (6/19) when MJ was cold. He thought the frustration had him on edge. When Jackson needed to be layered in blankets and required a heater to be comfortable, Payne said, he believed Michael was merely fighting a cold.

"No one else was cold. He had flu-like symptoms"
"Sometimes he was tired and lethargic and had to be, not convinced, but supported throughout rehearsals," Payne recalled

Payne said that in April, May & June, MJ missed 5 rehearsals with the whole group. He said one time Ortega sent Michael home
Bina shows an email from Ortega to Gongaware on Jun 14:

"Were you aware that Michael's doctor didn't permit him to attend rehearsal yesterday? Without invading his privacy, it might be a good idea to talk to his doctor to make sure everything he requires is in place. Who is responsible for Michael getting proper nourishment/vitamins/therapy every day? Personally, I feel he should have a top Nutritionist and Physical Therapist working with him on a regular basis. The demand on this guy is mentally and physically extraordinary! The show requirements exhaust our 20 year olds. Please don't underestimate the need to stay on top of this"

Another part of the same email chain, from Gongaware:

"Frank and I have discussed it already and have requested a face-to-face meeting w/ the doctor... We want to remind him that it's AEG not Michael Jackson who's paying his salary We want him to understand what is expected of him. He has been dodging Frank so far

Payne said his understanding was that AEG was paying Dr. Murray's salary not Michael. The doctor was there to oversee many things, Payne said. Payne explained he didn't have much reason to question Dr. Murray since he thought that a doctor selected to work with Michael was top notch.
Bina asked Payne whether he ever met Conrad Murray. The choreographer says he met Murray twice. Payne says the first time he met Dr. Murray was at the Carolwood house.

"I was going up the steps, Dr. Murray going downstairs, Michael introduced us."

Payne was coming up from the basement to the middle floor. Studio was at the basement. Payne said he never went to the top floor of the house. He says the second time was at the Staples Center, after a rehearsal and Jackson was leaving for the day. Both meetings were brief.
When asked how Michael performed on June 23 & 24:

"He was having his process, I didn't expect him to be like he would in front of a crowd," Payne explained. "He was not at show standards ... I didn't expect him to be as he would be in front of a crowd."
Payne: "It ebbed and flowed. Some days were good, some days were not as good."

The last two days were good.

"I thought he was in his way to the goals he set himself," Payne told the jury.

He didn't have any question that MJ would be able to perform , adding that he and others were impressed while watching Jackson rehearse at Staples Center on June 23/24, 2009.
Payne described the day MJ died: He was headed to rehearsal at Michael's home, got a call from his mother who said she saw reports on the news. Payne heard news on the radio, called Staples Center spoke to Stacy Walker, she said they were rehearsing. He was told to go to Staples.

"We were optimistic of his arrival," Payne said explaining they were expecting Michael to rehearse at the Staples Center.

Payne said Ortega got a series of calls. He remembers Kenny saying:

'tell me something that will make me know it's you and that this is true'

​

" I remember him (Kenny Ortega) collapsing in his seat and crying," Payne testified

Payne said he never saw Michael drink alcohol or take medication but

"Sometimes, in rehearsal, Michael would appear just a little loopy, under the influence of something, but mostly when he would come to the rehearsals from the dermatologist," Payne testified.

That happened two to four times in the weeks before his death, he said. Payne told that he didn't think Jackson had a problem with prescription drugs

"Michael was undergoing personal cosmetic procedures, so he could feel great and do a good job," Payne said.

Payne also said he appeared groggy in the morning sometimes, which he attributed to lack of sleep

"Mr. Jackson just explained to me that he had trouble sleeping, that he was tired, and that satisfied me," Payne testified.

He stated that he's not sure how much weight MJ had lost
Payne mentioned one day in particular at a meeting with Andre Crouch and singers, MJ seemed a little out of it
Payne said at one point, he & others tried to bring in a top physical therapist who works with Olympic athletes to help Michael. Jackson didn't work w/physical therapist flown in for him.

"At the last minute we realized that Michael was not going to go through with it. He was just not comfortable with the invasion of personal space."

Bina played a clip of This Is It from Jun 4 showing the green screen and making of "Drill" and Michael talking about the cool moves, dancing. Payne said the idea was to show the rehearsals and how things came together. The footage itself wasn't altered, but there was editing. Payne said they picked the best of the rehearsal to include in the documentary. He wanted to reshoot some scenes but was not allowed. Payne, who was an associate producer on the This Is It documentary, said the footage of Jackson had not been retouched or altered.
Jackson cross
Attorney Brian Panish cross examined Payne. He asked if Michael ever performed the entire show from beginning to end. Payne said "No"

"Was he ready to perform for an audience?", Panish asked.
"I thought he was on his way to the goals he had set for himself," Payne answered. "All I saw was improvement and getting closer to the goals"

Payne's impression was that MJ loved being a father. He said he saw the beauty of their relationships, loyalty to one another.

"When we rehearsed, we had meals together," Payne recalled, talking about Michael and all three children.

Payne thought the relationship between MJ and Prince was awesome, Michael was a proud father, great to see how they interacted. Prince wanted to be a director, Michael would point out things to him during rehearsal should that be his career, Payne remembered.
As to Paris Jackson, Payne said he saw a very protective young lady, smart, astute, with knowledge of the production, very hands on. Paris, who was 11 at the time, was

"a very retentive young lady who was very, very smart, very astute," Payne testified. "She had full knowledge of the day-to-day operations, from the time of lunch and what it was going to be, she was hands on -- far beyond her age," he said. "She had a lot of responsibility, which I think she welcomed"

Payne said she was "the female of the house," and also "a daddy's girl."

"She really loved her father," he said. "At that time, she was coming to find out his global successes and presence, so she would wear her Michael Jackson t-shirt, headband and bag," he said.

It was Paris who would bless the food when they were have lunch with their father at home, he said.

"She was always the most vocal of the three children and was very concerned about many of the details of the house, was the temperature correct, what do you want to eat," Payne testified. "She just handled a lot for her young age"

Blanket, who was 7 when his father died, was the most quiet of the three. He liked to watch his father rehearsing his dances with Payne in the basement studio of their home, Payne said.

"He was quiet, but always right there with his dad," he said.

Michael guided and mentored him. Payne said he would be proud if MJ was his father and agreed the children suffered a tremendous loss. When rehearsing with Jackson at his Holmby Hills residence, Payne said the singer clearly delighted in being a father and shared meals with all three

"I saw the beauty of their relationships. I saw their loyalty to their father, I saw his loyalty to them. Their father enlightened them and taught them", he testified. "I was very proud to see Michael as such a loving father."
Panish: "Was Paris a Daddy's girl?"
Payne: "Yes, I believe so"

His description of the close relationship Paris (15) and Prince (16) had with their father four years ago could foreshadow the significance of the children's testimony later in the trial.
Payne always carries a video camera with him and shot videos of rehearsal. AEG took the footage that Payne shot and never returned to him. Email from Randy to Paul:

"Make sure you take out the shots of Michael in that red jacket... He looks way too thin and skeletal."

Payne said he was not aware of the email. He said Michael looked thin, but not skeletal. He doesn't know if Paul/Randy took any the footage out. The email was not displayed for the jury
As for Michael's relationship with Katherine, Payne said

"there's no secret that he loved his mother very much. It is kind of common knowledge"

​

"Karen Faye is a make up artist. She designed the make up, was always there when Michael was there", Payne testified.

Payne said Faye and MJ had a long term working relationship. They spent a lot of personal time together. Faye was concerned and frustrated with how Michael looked. She went to Payne kind of in an aggressive way. Payne told her to report to Ortega.
Payne said he wanted MJ to have a physical therapist, nutritionist, massage therapist, and have his family around. He said this was a different scenario.

"This was the first time MJ was working with AEG," Payne testified, saying he had always been hired by MJJ production before.

Payne said this was the first time Michael was not the sole producer of the show. Payne started working without a signed contract. He was being paid by AEG. Panish showed Payne's written contract. It is between Payne and AEG, beginning April 1, 2009. The contract said only AEG could cancel it. He testified that there was a delay in his contract with AEG because the salary was not in line with his standard charges, but that things worked out after he had a conversation with Jackson. Payne also said he believed AEG was paying Murray's salary, not Jackson
Payne was hired and paid by AEG. His contract was with AEG.

Panish: "Who could fire you. AEG?"
Payne: "I'm sure"

Things became heated when Panish inquired about a text message Karen Faye sent to Payne that accused him of lying to the media after Michael's death. He said earlier Faye had approached him in an "aggressive" way about her concern for Jackson's health but he told her to take her concerns to Ortega.

"I do not remember receiving a text message from Karen Faye asking why I was lying to the media," Payne explained.
Panish: "Were you upset when MJ died?"
Payne: "Yes"

During cross-examination, Payne was shown several photos of premieres for the This Is It documentary .Panish shows a picture of Payne at the red carpet premiere. He agreed he was happy about the premiere. In one, Ortega & AEG executive Randy Phillips flank Jackson's manager, Frank DiLeo, who has a cigar hanging out of his mouth. All three are grinning. Brian Panish, the attorney for Jackson's family, remarked that everyone looked pretty happy
Payne said he wasn't privy to details of what was expected of Dr. Murray. AEG was producepromoter, but MJ was the star, had to be happy
Panish reminded Payne that he had testified in his deposition that AEG was

"trying to protect its investment"

​

"I don't have a dog in this race so I'm not on either side", an aggravated Payne countered adding that he felt Panish was being aggressive. "I'm just saying I don't want to be painted as somebody who's trying to mask anything".

After several hours of testy exchanges with Panish, his voice quivered and he dabbed his eyes with a tissue.

"I'm just trying to have a conversation with you and tell the truth."

Panish asked Payne if defendants' attorney approached him during lunch to show him some documents. He said yes, he saw parts of his deposition
Under cross examination, Payne acknowledged that some of Jackson's behavior, including grogginess, lethargy, insomnia and occasional paranoia, were possible symptoms of prescription drug abuse. He also said that despite testifying earlier that he worked with Jackson one-on-one five days a week, he couldn't recall how many rehearsals the singer actually attended
Panish after lunch break got Travis Payne to concede Jackson wasn't present for a May 19, 2009 rehearsal. Payne also conceded that Jackson was a no-show for a June 22, 2009 rehearsal. Panish confronted Payne saying that yesterday he said he was with MJ at a dance studio on May 19, that they were up on their feet & danced.

Panish: "Sir, Michael was not with you May 19, 2009, was he?"
Payne: "No"
Panish: "He was at the doctor"
Payne: "If you're saying, I'm not disputing"

Panish said that on May 19, Michael was having a cyst removed at Dr. Klein's office, so he could not have been rehearsing with Payne.
Panish then said on Jun 22 MJ wasn't there either, "was he?"
Payne said he didn't know.
Panish said MJ was at another doctor's office
Payne said he may have made a mistake about Jackson's whereabouts & he didn't know his personal schedule. Travis Payne had testified yesterday that he and Jackson ran through certain songs on May 19th. He said today he was testifying based on the schedule and notes he compiled and that his recollection might be wrong

"We're human, sometimes we make mistakes," Payne explained, saying he's not disputing that Michael was or wasn't there on those dates.

Payne said there was always something for Michael to do.

"He needed to come to rehearsal, it was part of the job"

Payne said Michael had a hard time picking up some of the material. He was having trouble learning dances, Payne says. Email from Ortega to Gongaware:

"He has been slow at grabbing hold of the work"

Jackson was having trouble learning dances, choreographer Travis Payne says

"Prior to June, I noticed Mr. Jackson was thinner than I recognized him," Payne said, noting he never saw sudden weight change in MJ.

Second time Payne saw Dr. Murray was the night before Michael died at Staples Center.

"I wanted Michael to go home and go to sleep" Payne recalls. Payne said something about Murray felt off, Payne said. "He didn't feel like an official doctor"

Payne knew MJ had sleeping problems and that Dr. Murray was treating him for that. Ortega also knew; Payne thought Gongaware was aware too. Payne also said he and Ortega knew that Jackson was having sleep problems. Attorney Brian Panish asks if AEG executives knew. There were several objections, and Payne was only allowed to answer "No" as to whether Paul Gongaware knew about Michael's sleep problems
Panish asked Payne about choosing Jackson's dancers for This Is It. Payne says they were whittled down from 5,000 applicants. Applicants submitted video clips and their submissions were used to cull down potential dancers from there. Payne said they received 5,000 applications for dancers, about 2,500 showed up for the audition.He taught them some dance moves, and the pool was further narrowed down. Michael chose the dancers
Panish then asked Payne whether he knew how many doctors AEG interviewed to work with Jackson on This Is It. "No", Payne says. Payne also says he isn't aware how much interviewing or investigation into Murray that AEG did.(Panish's point appears to be that there was more scrutiny of backup dancers than Conrad Murray)
During preparations for This Is It, Michael at times seemed "under the influence of something" and once couldn't take the stage because he appeared incoherent, Payne testified.
Payne said he was aware that Jackson had problems sleeping and chalked up the singer's sometimes erratic behavior to sleep aids or sedatives from his dermatologist visits.

"You have to understand that one always says hindsight is 20/20. In the moment I had no inkling of what, ultimately, what was revealed until Mr. Jackson's passing", he said

Payne saw Michael tired and fatigued. He agreed that those symptoms could be signs of drug addiction. Payne was aware that MJ was losing weight during rehearsals and he had not seeing him lose weight like that before.

"He was not in great physical shape and was sore,working up his stamina. Lack of sleep and proper nourishment were starting to show", Payne said.

Payne says at one point, he told Kenny Ortega that Jackson appeared "assisted" (meaning that he thought he was on drugs\meds)
Payne said some people were concerned about the goals not being met, including Randy Phillips and Paul Gongaware. Payne learned what Demerol was after MJ died. He also remembers a mention of Demerol in the song "Morphine".
Panish asked if MJ knew the lyrics of his songs.

"I think he did, he knew most of them, but he wanted to have a Teleprompter for safety.He didn't want to make any mistakes, to refresh his memory. Also to use for sequence of songs",Payne said.

Payne agreed that it was very unusual for Michael to have a Teleprompter with the lyrics of his own songs. He never used it before. Payne didn't specify which songs Jackson wanted the teleprompter for
Payne said a body double was requested for Michael. Misha Gabriel was his body double, but shorter than him. Some of the scenes in the documentary are with the body double, Payne testified. Payne remembers at the Culver Studios in Smooth Criminal there was a stunt and Misha was asked to jump through a glass plate
Payne said most the time, MJ was present at rehearsals. "It wasn't a big deal," he expressed
Panish showed an email from the band leader Michael Bearden:

"Michael is not in shape enough yet to sing this stuff live and dance at the same time. He can use the ballads to sing live and get his stamina back up, Once he's healthy enough and has more strength I Have full confidence he can sing the majority of the show live. His voice sounds amazing right now, he needs to build it back up. I still need all big dance numbers to be in the system so we can concentrate on choreography."

Payne was aware that AEG was considering in mid June pulling the plug on the show. He said Michael looked exhausted & paranoid on Jun 19. Jackson's condition and missed rehearsals led to talk within the last 10 days of Jackson's life that AEG Live LLC, which was promoting "This Is It," might cancel the concert series.

"It was 'We've got to get this together or the plug may be pulled,'" Payne says

Payne was working for AEG and said he relayed his concerns about Jackson's possible prescription drug use and that he was exhibiting troubling signs of insomnia, weight loss and paranoia in his final days to tour director Kenny Ortega. Jackson was struggling to get into shape for the shows, and Payne said his voice coach suggested using a voice track for fast-paced songs until the singer's stamina improved.
Payne went to Michael's house on June 20. He was cold and had to light the fireplace and rub his hand and feet to warm himself up
Panish showed a picture of Michael on June 24 rehearsing "Thriller"; Payne said MJ improved but was not at his best yet.

Panish: "Around June 20, was Ortega in the mindset that Michael Jackson was not ready for this?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said Michael was not ready, it was not the Michael he knew. He died four days later. But he didn't see anything that alarmed him on June 23/24

Panish:" Did you see that Michael was getting pressured to get everything done in the last days?" Payne: "Yes"

Payne said he could sense something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. He said Jackson's performances in the final days of his life were impressive, and it felt

"like we were definitely on an upswing"

​

"I never doubted Michael because he was the architect of this and he wanted to do it, so part of my responsibility was to help him get there", Payne said, his voice racked with emotion.

Panish ended his direct examination of choreographer Travis Payne with three questions.

Panish: "Did you see that Michael Jackson appeared to be pressured to get everything done at the Staples last rehearsals?"
"Yes," Payne said
Panish: "The pressure about the shows started to manifest itself physically in Michael Jackson?"
"Yes," Payne replied.
Panish:" You could sense that something was wrong, you just didn't know what it was?"
Payne responded "Yes."

AEG re-direct
Payne's demeanor changed after Panish finished questioning him. He was holding back tears when the AEG attorney started re-direct examination. For the next several moments, Payne blinked and dabbed both eyes with a tissue. It was the first time he'd gotten emotional on the stand.

Bina in re-direct asked: "Do you think you could get him there?"
Payne: "Absolutely!"

Bina asked Payne again about how many rehearsals Jackson attended. Payne said MJ was present a significant amount of the days he was scheduled to work but he couldn't recall dates, precisely how many that Jackson attended.
As to Gongaware's email regarding what was expected of Dr. Murray, Payne said the inconsistencies with Michael missing rehearsals warrant a talk. Payne said he thought Dr. Murray was there to care for his patient, making sure right nutritionist was there, to get him ready for the show. Payne never discussed with MJ about his doctors or personal affairs. Payne and Faye were professionals with each other, but not friends.

"Production felt he wasn't coming to rehearsals enough, and that was frustrating to some of the staff," Payne testified. "I had a concern we needed to create a show Michael would enjoy doing it," Payne explained

She also showed Payne photos from the This Is It premiere. First photo is of Payne shaking Jermaine Jackson's hand at the movie premiere. Bina also showed another image of smiling Jermaine, Tito, Jackie and Marlon with Payne at the premiere. Payne cried saying he had been through so much and the rough part was behind them. He was pleased to show the fans what the show was to be.
Jackson re-cross
In re-cross, Panish notes that none of Michael's brothers are part of this lawsuit.
Panish then asked Payne whether Katherine Jackson and Michael's kids went to the premiere. Panish says Katherine Jackson & her grandchildren didn't go to the premiere because they weren't over Jackson's death. Payne said he didn't think anyone was over Jackson's death when the film premiered in late 2009.
Court Transcript

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Physiotherapy has always been a hands-on profession, where physical methods like massage, exercise, and movement help patients heal and improve their physical functions. However, with technology advancing rapidly, it's also become a powerful tool for physiotherapists.
Integrating technology into physiotherapy can make treatments more effective and engaging for patients. This is particularly evident in institutions like Ravi Nair Physiotherapy College, a leading physiotherapy college in Wardha, where technology plays a crucial role in teaching and practicing physiotherapy.

Using Technology for Assessment

The first step in any physiotherapy treatment is accurately assessing the patient's condition. Technology can improve how physiotherapists evaluate patients. For example, digital gait analysis tools can help therapists understand how a patient walks or runs. This information is crucial for designing a treatment plan that targets specific issues.
Another tool is software for posture analysis. Cameras and software can capture the way a patient stands or moves and analyze if there are any abnormalities. This allows physiotherapists to see things the naked eye might miss and provides a more detailed assessment.

Enhancing Treatment with Technology

Once the assessment is complete, technology can also enhance treatment methods. At Ravi Nair Physiotherapy College, students and professionals use various technological tools to treat their patients. One popular tool is ultrasound therapy, which uses sound waves to treat deep-tissue injuries. It helps reduce pain and speeds up healing without being invasive.
Electrical stimulation is another technological method that has been found useful. It sends mild electrical pulses to affected areas to reduce pain and promote muscle function. This can be particularly helpful for patients with severe muscle weakness or pain that limits their exercise ability.
Virtual reality (VR) is a newer technology in physiotherapy. VR can create simulation environments where patients can practice movements and exercises that help them recover. It’s effective and makes the rehabilitation process more fun and engaging for patients.

Technology in Patient Education and Engagement

Educating patients about their conditions and the exercises they need to perform at home is a critical part of physiotherapy. Technology can play a significant role in improving patient education and engagement. Video demonstrations of exercises, interactive apps that guide patients through exercises at home, and wearable technology that provides feedback on performance can all help patients stay engaged and improve their recovery.
Ravi Nair Physiotherapy College incorporates technology into its curriculum, teaching students to effectively use these tools. This helps students become better physiotherapists and prepares them to work in a modern, technologically advanced healthcare environment.

Tele-rehabilitation: Remote Physiotherapy

Tele-rehabilitation is another technological advancement revolutionizing physiotherapy. It allows patients to receive treatment from their physiotherapist via videoconferencing tools. This is especially beneficial for patients who live in remote areas or who are unable to travel due to severe mobility restrictions.
Tele-rehabilitation includes conducting assessments over video calls, guiding patients through exercises, and monitoring their progress remotely. It has been a game-changer when face-to-face meetings are impossible, like during the recent pandemic.

Data Management and Research

With the integration of technology, managing patient data has become easier and more secure. Digital health records can be updated in real time, allowing for better care coordination among healthcare providers. Furthermore, this data can be used for research purposes, helping advance physiotherapy by understanding trends, treatment outcomes, and more.
Ravi Nair Physiotherapy College encourages its students and faculty to engage in research projects that utilize these data management tools. This improves patient care and contributes to the body of scientific knowledge in physiotherapy.

Conclusion

Integrating technology into physiotherapy practice transforms how therapists treat their patients, how patients learn about and engage in their treatment, and how future therapists are trained. Institutions like Ravi Nair Physiotherapy College are at the forefront of this integration, ensuring their students are well-equipped to enter the modern healthcare landscape.
As technology evolves, its integration into physiotherapy will become even more profound, leading to better patient outcomes and more efficient care practices.

its 12:30 pm right now and i was supposed to go to bed an hour ago , but my fucking right eye contact is stuck in my eye. I took my left one out with no problem like normal but the right one wouldn't budge one bit. This would be the second time this has happened but i got it done after ten minutes the first time it was stuck but i've literally lubricated and moved my eye around blinked constantly and massaged the eye lid of my eye but it wouldn't even budge i was able to move it down my eye and pinch and grab it but only for my fucking eye to play tug a war with me and pull the contact back right onto my damn eye three times. i popped a blood vessel on the bottom of my eye and it looks like i smoked a whole zip lock bag of weed its so damn red. I took 10-15 breaks and used contact eye drop to lubricate it and watch a video on tips to remove it but it literally would just not come off. the reason im making this is because i have work at 10 30 am and my father just said to go to sleep me knowing its horrible to sleep with my contacts and it would probably make it so much worse but my dad said we can go to the eye doctor before i go to work but how the fuck am i gonna function tmr at work because i dont know if i want to sleep and i really dont want to call off over some bullshit like this so should i risk it and go to sleep or should i just fucking stay up and thug this shit out?