Weed leaf on keyboard

Previous Post: Ziltoid The Omniscient (2007)
Next Post: Addicted (2009)
Devin Townsend Podcast: https://youtu.be/pr5e9S_9aJw
Devin Townsend Website: https://hevydevy.com/discography/ki/
2009, things had ocurred to our Strapping Young Dad in the last three years; he became a father, he finished Strapping Young Lad, he chose to retire from music, he went clean and sober, he shaved his head... Overall, his life changed dramatically, not for the best, not for the worst... It just changed. He was supposed to leave music and be a better father and husband, so we could say that Devin was gone for good... Hevy Devy was over... Except... Ya know Bill Bruford? King Crimson's and Yes' drummer? I once told my mom that he retired in 2009, and he was never gonna play ever again on anything... Well... My mom told me something that summarizes perfectly Devin Townsend future; "Once you're into the world of music, you belong there, you mind, body and soul belongs to music, because that's what defined your life." And while it took me some time to understand those words and to actually believe them... In the end? I know my mom was not only right, but she was GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT, for Devin even after a two year hiatus decided to start another musical project which would not only redefine him... It would redefine what being a prog musician is about.
Well hello, welcome back to this series of posts where we go through the entire catalog of everyone's favorite bald guy; Mr. Hevy Devy, today we are gonna talk about an album that very few people talk about... But (spoiler alert) is not only my favorite from him, but is also one of the albums that has defined my life the most ever since I heard it, we are talking about the Ying Yang album, the very first album from The Devin Townsend Project, you see, as I mentioned on the Terria analysis, I am a person that has been through some heavy shit on his life, and this at the end of the day has made me someone incredibly aggressive and with anger management issues, but I am at the same time someone who just wishes to be happy, some who just wants to enjoy life with everyone I love while at the same I do the things I love... And well, Devin was the same person back in the day when he made this album.
Because you see, as I have told you before, Devin went sober around the time he made Ziltoid The Omniscient, being a boost of inspiration that he got from always wanting to make a puppet... But after that, he still got a studio on his own home, he still got equipment, he still got all of that... But... No more drugs, he just wasn't into drugs anymore, it reminded him of worse times, so he wanted them to become a thing of the past... But at the same time Devin had an issue, a very small issue; he haven't wrote things sober in YEARS, since 1995 probably, so after almost 15 years of always writing while on the influence of substances, it was obvious for him that if he wanted to write music... It was just not on him... Or that is what would've happened if Devin wasn't so stubborn and decided to always finish what he committed to... So he began working on song after song after... Addressing a lot of musical styles, trying to tie them all together on 4 styles; pop, metal, blues, and ambient... This one... So after creating those songs... The time came, Devin decided that he was gonna compress those songs on 4 albums, according to each style, and for the first style, he chose blues and began working on Ki.
This album is more on the side about different topics, but we can say that the topic that is adressed the most on this album is simple; tension and release. Devin wrote this album, having in mind how he just overcamed an addiction that conditioned his life up to that point, being that the addiction to weed, tobacco, alcohol, and such. So after finding himself free of those chains, he wanted to write about those addictions and how the path to sobriety is one which is full of aggressiveness, pain, and anger... But also hope, happiness, and tranquility, for it is not something one does to stop being happy... One fights against the addictions to overcome the pain and the horrible lifestyles, and the path is horrible, yes... But it is for the best, and to represent that side, Devin wrote songs on different styles to represent all those moods. Like, I say the album is a blues one, and that is true to an extent, for this album is not entirely blues, it also has progressive rock, ambient, jazz rock, and acoustic... However it does not come without its fair share of violence, for we have songs that escalate from peaceful moments to incredibly aggressive moods (being those Gato, Heaven's End or Disruptr), representing perfectly in my opinion how you can EASILY fall from grace and become an aggresive person that before that was quite chill and completely sociable... That's what Devin intended to deliver thematically.
Lets talk about the lineup of this album, for it is AMAZING. We have Devin, OBVIOUSLY, but we have a familiar face doing an apparition here, Mr. Dave Young from The Devin Townsend Band, the keyboard player, is back once again to provide those keyboards and that piano to this record, and while I appreciate that, his forte comes from playing the ambience sections and delivering those in such a way that gives this album an aura hard to emulate... And other heroes we have here are Jean Savoie and Mr. Duris Maxwell, the first being a bass player that played on a Beatles cover song and yeah, he was good, nothing too special but good... The later was someone that I would lie if I told you I know something else from him besides Ki, but what matters about his background is the fact that he was NOT a heavy metal player, but a blues player, so he was already perfect for job for the songs that were about blues... And the rest of the songs? Having that lack of experience gave him a lot of room to improvise and try to deliver something that he "believed" was hard music, so he gave us that personal touch... And honestly? I bet that's one of the reasons I love this album so much... Well... That along... Her... Ché Aimee Dorval... Which we'll talk about when we go into the proper analysis.
And you know what? Fuck it, I can't talk more about this album if I don't go into a full on analysis, so lets get to it.
Alright first thing I want to talk about... Her... MY VERY PERSONAL FAVORITE Devin Townsend female singer... Ché Aimee Dorval... Look, I know Anneke Van Giersbergen is the favorite of all Devin Townsend fans, but not for me, if there is something I will ALWAYS be eternally grateful with Mr. Devin Townsend is how he introduced me to one of the most BEAUTIFUL voices I've ever heard on my life like seriously... I can't praise here enough because she's only present on Gato and Heaven's End (and those appearances are GLORIOUS for me), but just wait for Casualties Of Cool... Just wait for it. Meanwhile, the album itself... I'll just say it right away, just like The Hummer, this album ain't for everyone, there's people who give this album a five... And then there's me... Who thinks this album is not only good but an absolute masterpiece, because this album has resonated so hard with me that it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to ignore the message this album tries to deliver, having those chill and quiet moments I absolutely love on songs like Coast or Terminal, which feel so dramatic and personal that you can't help but feel empathy towards Townsend for the way he unbottles his feelings about all the bullshit he has lived through.
But when looking at the other face of the coin... We have songs like Disruptr, Gato or Heaven's End which are not sad, melodramatic songs that feel like Devin opening his heart... These three feel more like an absolute middle finger to the face of the listener, because we get that taste of violence that Devin is so used to, except it hits us more this time, why? Simple. Because this one is supposed to be a quiet album, a more relaxed one... So getting that violence is not something we expected... Good, that's life you see, you never expect to see yourself breaking down and sowing violence unto others... You don't want that. There's not a single day in which I wake up and say "Ummm yeah... I want to make my family and friends feel bad and like pieces of shit"... And then again, it happens, because we aren't always in control of our lives... Without us wanting to... We end up hurting the ones we love or even worse... We hurt ourselves, as stated in the song Trainfire which talks about Devin's addiction to pornography.
But not everything is lost... That's the message that this album gives us on the last 3 tracks of the album, which are not only quiet, but they also carry an aura of optimism if you ask me, a sort of aura that helps you manage to carry on after all the sadness, pain and anger this album made you go through... There's light at the end of the tunnel. We might've gone through the worst shit of all time... But we are still here, we carry on and we try to improve... Because we are still humans... It is on our nature... ... ... Also, the ending for Ki (song) ALWAYS gives me goosebumps. It's literally perfection made a song, and it perfectly encapsulates all the vibes and the aura this album carries.
Honestly? This is my favorite Devin Townsend album, not because of how skillful it is, nor is it because of how melodically satisfying it is... Nor is it because of its heaviness. It is because of how much I connect with this album and how much this album has helped me through some of the worst times of my life, Devin made an album as his way to unbottle his feelings, insecurities and pain, and also as a way to help everyone else going through some heavy shit that... While yeah... Things can be hard, and life can be shit... There is ALWAYS room for improvement, and we can always get better.
We are gonna see more of this quiet bluesy style on Casualties of Cool, but that's it for now!
Thanks, everyone, for reading! Please let me know your opinion and/or your experience with this album! Next time we are gonna talk about Addicted and how this saga of "cheesy" albums began with Anneke Van Giersbergen as a fan favorite singer! Until next time!
Album rankings:
S+: - Ki - Terria. - Synchestra. - The New Black. - Accelerated Evolution. - Alien.
S: - Ziltoid The Omniscient. - Ocean Machine: Biomech.
A: - City. - Infinity.
B: - Physicist. - SYL
C: - The Hummer
D: - Heavy As A Really Heavy Thing. - Devlab. - Punky Brüster - Cooked On Phonics.

Previous Post: Ziltoid The Omniscient (2007)
Next Post: Addicted (2009)
Devin Townsend Podcast: https://youtu.be/pr5e9S_9aJw
Devin Townsend Website: https://hevydevy.com/discography/ki/
2009, things had ocurred to our Strapping Young Dad in the last three years; he became a father, he finished Strapping Young Lad, he chose to retire from music, he went clean and sober, he shaved his head... Overall, his life changed dramatically, not for the best, not for the worst... It just changed. He was supposed to leave music and be a better father and husband, so we could say that Devin was gone for good... Hevy Devy was over... Except... Ya know Bill Bruford? King Crimson's and Yes' drummer? I once told my mom that he retired in 2009, and he was never gonna play ever again on anything... Well... My mom told me something that summarizes perfectly Devin Townsend future; "Once you're into the world of music, you belong there, you mind, body and soul belongs to music, because that's what defined your life." And while it took me some time to understand those words and to actually believe them... In the end? I know my mom was not only right, but she was GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT, for Devin even after a two year hiatus decided to start another musical project which would not only redefine him... It would redefine what being a prog musician is about.
Well hello, welcome back to this series of posts where we go through the entire catalog of everyone's favorite bald guy; Mr. Hevy Devy, today we are gonna talk about an album that very few people talk about... But (spoiler alert) is not only my favorite from him, but is also one of the albums that has defined my life the most ever since I heard it, we are talking about the Ying Yang album, the very first album from The Devin Townsend Project, you see, as I mentioned on the Terria analysis, I am a person that has been through some heavy shit on his life, and this at the end of the day has made me someone incredibly aggressive and with anger management issues, but I am at the same time someone who just wishes to be happy, some who just wants to enjoy life with everyone I love while at the same I do the things I love... And well, Devin was the same person back in the day when he made this album.
Because you see, as I have told you before, Devin went sober around the time he made Ziltoid The Omniscient, being a boost of inspiration that he got from always wanting to make a puppet... But after that, he still got a studio on his own home, he still got equipment, he still got all of that... But... No more drugs, he just wasn't into drugs anymore, it reminded him of worse times, so he wanted them to become a thing of the past... But at the same time Devin had an issue, a very small issue; he haven't wrote things sober in YEARS, since 1995 probably, so after almost 15 years of always writing while on the influence of substances, it was obvious for him that if he wanted to write music... It was just not on him... Or that is what would've happened if Devin wasn't so stubborn and decided to always finish what he committed to... So he began working on song after song after... Addressing a lot of musical styles, trying to tie them all together on 4 styles; pop, metal, blues, and ambient... This one... So after creating those songs... The time came, Devin decided that he was gonna compress those songs on 4 albums, according to each style, and for the first style, he chose blues and began working on Ki.
This album is more on the side about different topics, but we can say that the topic that is adressed the most on this album is simple; tension and release. Devin wrote this album, having in mind how he just overcamed an addiction that conditioned his life up to that point, being that the addiction to weed, tobacco, alcohol, and such. So after finding himself free of those chains, he wanted to write about those addictions and how the path to sobriety is one which is full of aggressiveness, pain, and anger... But also hope, happiness, and tranquility, for it is not something one does to stop being happy... One fights against the addictions to overcome the pain and the horrible lifestyles, and the path is horrible, yes... But it is for the best, and to represent that side, Devin wrote songs on different styles to represent all those moods. Like, I say the album is a blues one, and that is true to an extent, for this album is not entirely blues, it also has progressive rock, ambient, jazz rock, and acoustic... However it does not come without its fair share of violence, for we have songs that escalate from peaceful moments to incredibly aggressive moods (being those Gato, Heaven's End or Disruptr), representing perfectly in my opinion how you can EASILY fall from grace and become an aggresive person that before that was quite chill and completely sociable... That's what Devin intended to deliver thematically.
Lets talk about the lineup of this album, for it is AMAZING. We have Devin, OBVIOUSLY, but we have a familiar face doing an apparition here, Mr. Dave Young from The Devin Townsend Band, the keyboard player, is back once again to provide those keyboards and that piano to this record, and while I appreciate that, his forte comes from playing the ambience sections and delivering those in such a way that gives this album an aura hard to emulate... And other heroes we have here are Jean Savoie and Mr. Duris Maxwell, the first being a bass player that played on a Beatles cover song and yeah, he was good, nothing too special but good... The later was someone that I would lie if I told you I know something else from him besides Ki, but what matters about his background is the fact that he was NOT a heavy metal player, but a blues player, so he was already perfect for job for the songs that were about blues... And the rest of the songs? Having that lack of experience gave him a lot of room to improvise and try to deliver something that he "believed" was hard music, so he gave us that personal touch... And honestly? I bet that's one of the reasons I love this album so much... Well... That along... Her... Ché Aimee Dorval... Which we'll talk about when we go into the proper analysis.
And you know what? Fuck it, I can't talk more about this album if I don't go into a full on analysis, so lets get to it.
Alright first thing I want to talk about... Her... MY VERY PERSONAL FAVORITE Devin Townsend female singer... Ché Aimee Dorval... Look, I know Anneke Van Giersbergen is the favorite of all Devin Townsend fans, but not for me, if there is something I will ALWAYS be eternally grateful with Mr. Devin Townsend is how he introduced me to one of the most BEAUTIFUL voices I've ever heard on my life like seriously... I can't praise here enough because she's only present on Gato and Heaven's End (and those appearances are GLORIOUS for me), but just wait for Casualties Of Cool... Just wait for it. Meanwhile, the album itself... I'll just say it right away, just like The Hummer, this album ain't for everyone, there's people who give this album a five... And then there's me... Who thinks this album is not only good but an absolute masterpiece, because this album has resonated so hard with me that it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to ignore the message this album tries to deliver, having those chill and quiet moments I absolutely love on songs like Coast or Terminal, which feel so dramatic and personal that you can't help but feel empathy towards Townsend for the way he unbottles his feelings about all the bullshit he has lived through.
But when looking at the other face of the coin... We have songs like Disruptr, Gato or Heaven's End which are not sad, melodramatic songs that feel like Devin opening his heart... These three feel more like an absolute middle finger to the face of the listener, because we get that taste of violence that Devin is so used to, except it hits us more this time, why? Simple. Because this one is supposed to be a quiet album, a more relaxed one... So getting that violence is not something we expected... Good, that's life you see, you never expect to see yourself breaking down and sowing violence unto others... You don't want that. There's not a single day in which I wake up and say "Ummm yeah... I want to make my family and friends feel bad and like pieces of shit"... And then again, it happens, because we aren't always in control of our lives... Without us wanting to... We end up hurting the ones we love or even worse... We hurt ourselves, as stated in the song Trainfire which talks about Devin's addiction to pornography.
But not everything is lost... That's the message that this album gives us on the last 3 tracks of the album, which are not only quiet, but they also carry an aura of optimism if you ask me, a sort of aura that helps you manage to carry on after all the sadness, pain and anger this album made you go through... There's light at the end of the tunnel. We might've gone through the worst shit of all time... But we are still here, we carry on and we try to improve... Because we are still humans... It is on our nature... ... ... Also, the ending for Ki (song) ALWAYS gives me goosebumps. It's literally perfection made a song, and it perfectly encapsulates all the vibes and the aura this album carries.
Honestly? This is my favorite Devin Townsend album, not because of how skillful it is, nor is it because of how melodically satisfying it is... Nor is it because of its heaviness. It is because of how much I connect with this album and how much this album has helped me through some of the worst times of my life, Devin made an album as his way to unbottle his feelings, insecurities and pain, and also as a way to help everyone else going through some heavy shit that... While yeah... Things can be hard, and life can be shit... There is ALWAYS room for improvement, and we can always get better.
We are gonna see more of this quiet bluesy style on Casualties of Cool, but that's it for now!
Thanks, everyone, for reading! Please let me know your opinion and/or your experience with this album! Next time we are gonna talk about Addicted and how this saga of "cheesy" albums began with Anneke Van Giersbergen as a fan favorite singer! Until next time!
Album rankings:
S+: - Ki - Terria. - Synchestra. - The New Black. - Accelerated Evolution. - Alien.
S: - Ziltoid The Omniscient. - Ocean Machine: Biomech.
A: - City. - Infinity.
B: - Physicist. - SYL
C: - The Hummer
D: - Heavy As A Really Heavy Thing. - Devlab. - Punky Brüster - Cooked On Phonics.

Hi, 24yo male here
Sooo... last couple of months (almost 2 years actually) I’ve been strugling with a lot of things BUT it is better then it used to be (i can see it so that’s good right?).
The problem i’m facing right now is that i’m quite alone.
How do you meet new people? I believe it’s all about common sens/goals/mindset?
My previous expierence with people was kinda harsh and i felt into trap of being depended on others, didn’t really know what i like to do when i’m with myself (mainly i was just playing video games, still do but way less). Also it was connected with weed and alcohol ,the only things we had in common, and at one moment they decided to cut me off, didn’t even bother to tell me a reason (even though i asked for it without hoping that will fix anything), they couldn’t even give me a honest anwser after a relationship that lasted over 3 years... Similar staff happend before, group of friends that would hang out only to get drunk/stoned but i decided to end the relationship as it was getting really bad, constant insulting each others (for laughs only... yea you know).
After that i decieded to move from my home town where nothing really kept me in that place, i don’t really have any familiy, only my sister which lives in the same city as me right now and our relationship has never been better so i’m glad that she is here but it’s not about it.
I figure it out what i like, started reading books, bike rides, right now trying to get some strenght via home workout, cooking, trying to learn new stuff job-related, i like history but without a certain topic, im just a casual you know, still play video games but as i mention way less than before, for that gulity pleasure i mine youtube for nothing worth random stories about anything and in general keeping order in my life so i won’t fell down once again. I also have things in mind what to do next like learing how to ride on rollerblades, in winter time when there will be more inhouse time i’m planning to buy a keyboard to learn how to play an instrument as i’ve never done this before! You know, stuff to do to be just better version of yourself, but with out hyperintention of being ideal, just better than me day before. Also quit drinking and smoking long time ago, parties are also not my story, don’t feel too good in such places but maybe i’ve never attended to one i’d like, been on couple and well... nope.
I’m lost in way of how to actually meet people i could spend time with(?). It’s so general i feel like i have to write more about it.
I’ve been living in this city for over and year right now and didn’t really have oportunity to meet anyone as i was fighting with myself so badly that wasn’t probably the best idea to meet new people at that moment but that isolantion makes me feel i lost the idea of how to start a friendship. What’s important is that i’ve never been good at making friends, usually it was just an extrovert that finds me, takes under his wings and it was all about it...
I met like 3 people in general (because of the workplace) but with non of them the relationship lasted. The only i still have some sort of contant is a girl from my previous workplace but i seems like it isn’t gonna last much longer, been trying to invite here just to meet like 4 times, never workout so... hurts but like you know, can’t expect anything and on top of it feels like she is just using me as her emotional pillow, i’m trying to just chat about random stuff but she constantly driving everything into negative topics...
I’ve relationship with a guy i know since we are like 7, he lives in a different city so we don’t really have opportunity to hang out togheter (we’ve seen each other like over a half a year from now) and that’s great, it’s something he probably won’t understand, be he’s definitely my true friend even though he might not see me the same way. Funny part i that i also have a contact with his girlfriend but it’s like she is my friend as well, we’ve met in high school, i went with her on prom but that was before they connected way more, they are happy togheter for like 5 years and i’m also glad i have those people even via massanger mainly.
I drove away from the topic but i thing what i wrote above is somehow important? It’s not like i’ve been totally isolated for quarter of century, i’ve been around people but totally lost the how to become friends.
All of things i’m doing are to do by myself and there is no really reason(?) to do it with others, don’t get me wrong, i’m just more of introvernt, maybe thats why i see it this way.
Also my problems are that i don’t know where to look for people with similar mindset, i’d rather do something togheter then just sit in restaurant or bar and talk, i don’t use tiktok or any social media at all, i’m out of that social chase of money (ofcourse im trying to make more money, its important, but that’s not all about) and status. Beside workplace i don’t attend anywhere which i understand is quiet a problem but don’t want to force it and don’t even know where to go.
I don’t find myself as a valueable person, unfortunatly i spent so many time on doing nothing i feel like i have bearly any ability to bring anything to the table when it comes share with others and well, maybe that's wrong mindset but i can't see it different, it even feels like i lost ability to just have fun...
After all i wrote and read it is in my head that maybe i don’t like being around people but it just cannot be healthy, i wouldn’t be wondring so much about it if that would be true... It is also quite chatoic so sorry for that, as a male i’m really emotional, not really manly in sociaty terms but have to work with what i have, trying not to think this way but well... we life in sociaty right.
I’m really lost when it comes to solitude, planning to go for psychoterapy but unfortunaly in my country i will have to wait like ~6months for it from national healthcare, can’t afford it to take it private. It is not that bad as it used to be when well... i was ready to end with it, it’s way better, i have that little sparkle of ‘give it a try’ but i’m lost as fuck in this area...

I'm only 16, I've always had. Well. Weird feelings about living. Not exactly agenst it but more like scared and oh no what if I can't do this that this that bla bla you know. But now that I'm older.. and more mental issues are affecting me. Living is so difficult... I'm constantly derealizating. I can't focus on school very well when this happens because all I can focus on is trying to calm down and stay stable and try to remind myself I exist and everything around me exist and it's important. And then I'm stressed about the future, existing. Living. Working to live living to work when that lifestyle won't make me happy.. I'm not school smart. I suck at math and have zero motivation for it..
I'm not very good at school subjects in general really. Whether it's no motivation or I just can't focus on it or learning because I'm overthinking everything else.. I don't mean to complain too much about my life but I would like to a little...
Sense turning 15 things were getting harder on me and stressful. Around this time last year traumatic events from my childhood came up and legal actions were taken, when that happened I had to stay at my aunts for a week or so so I couldn't be at home and in my comfort place. I could only see my mom when she would come over and it would torment me not being able to go with her and feel safe in my room..
Because I was away and feeling distressed so much. I was feeling with so many feelings at once. I get ptsd often not like memories or so. But my body remembers it and so my body was constantly unsafe and uncomfortable and feeling distressed because when I was younger the first sleepover or time away from my parents for a few days I was SA'd.. it didn't affect me then I didn't think so but my uncomfortable feeling was always there... and I have had quite a bit of depression growing up and such probably not helpful with the past stuff.
And so. Staying there was pretty stressful on my mind and body, but at the same time it felt like it had zero affect on me. Like I was just living life and waiting for everything to move on, like usual to be honest.. while I was staying there and my mom was visiting she talked to me and explained that my dad isn't my bio.. now. Nothing has changed the way I feel about my dad. I love my dad. I always will and i always have. I don't feel any differently for him. But I feel like I'm different.. it broke my heart and that's when I really experienced derealization sober. I think I have dpdr but I don't wanna like. Say I have something without being fully diagnosed but it really makes sense you know ?
But still. I had some pretty trippy weed highs and it's made my reality suuuuppperrr fucked, but it would only happen when I was high, then when I heard the news about my dad I got it really bad and it was hard on me but yet I didn't feel anything at the same time I just felt numb to everything happening to me and around me. Sense going home and being okay and home around family I've been better, but the thoughts still in the back of my head. I have lots of questions, I feel left out, i feel like I'm not as attached to my family as I was or should be. I feel like I don't belong here, or anywhere in general... I'm not happy in this world. I have soooo mannny feelings about this world... it's beautiful. I'll admit. And I love positive people, sweet kind people. But there's so much bad that I just can't see past that.
The future scares me having to live and work so hard just to not drown and be homeless, I see my family struggle with money so much and it's heartbreaking, and I see myself as a failure already. And I don't know what I wanna do as a job. I don't know what I'm good at. I want to be happy and surrounded by good people I want to do good and help people or help myself or my family, but I have no motivation. I suck at school.. I can't even live in peace.. my anxiety and dpdr has been so bad. Everyday. And my ptsd uncomfortable feeling has been tormenting me everyday. And I have a stomach ulcer on top of that so I have constant stomach issues. Sometimes i just lay in bed at night and just think.. think about my future my family my hopes and dreams and I can't like. Make it. I don't want to be here.
I'm scared of death my derealization has made that super scary for me to be honest I don't wanna hurt and kill myself at all either.. I just want to be free though.. I'm tired of everything. So tired. I hate that I can't feel normal. I hate that I can't be comfortable around my family without experiencing derealization and disasociating I hate that I can't feel comfortable around my family it breaks my heart. I hate constantly being in pain, I hate constantly being scared and overthinking. Living is so tiring. Having to plan a future so I don't sink in depth and also having health issues and mental issues is so tiring. And people can be so cruel.
For some reason I look at things that upset me and make me sad or angry like. Gore. Or hearing stories of crimes or such and end up stumbling upon sad and terrible things that just rip my heart in half knowing I can't do anything different or help the poor people or animals that have to go through and deal with shit or shitty humans.. I'm so confused I'm such a confusing person... I don't understand anything besides I'm. Fucked. I'm just messed up. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel so much and have so many thoughts and feelings and worries and pains. I just wanna rest I just want to be free.
I wish I could disappear I wish I could be the air. I wish I could be a cloud. I wish I could be dirt. I wish I could be a leaf. I don't want to be human. It's torturous. I would love to be a beautiful animal. But I feel like I would get destroyed then too... I don't know what I want. I just wish living was easier and not so draining, I'm sure no one will read this and it's terribly long but to anyone out there who will please be kind. Please be sweet. Please be generous. I wish all of you well and i hope for the best for every single one of you but if you're evil. Cruel. Mean. I hope you change your ways... I hope you see people as people and animals as more than just living things to mess with. If not. I hope evil people will suffer....

Complicated coworker situation
Strange coworker situation... seeking possible perspectives
This happened quite a bit ago but led to many events I would not have anticipated in my wildest dreams. Here we go... I transferred to a new location because I was restarting back at school after a two-year break due to COVID-19. When I started, my primary focus was on the job due to some high-school drama at my last location. In addition, I wanted to put my best foot forward because I dealt with social anxiety and some self-esteem issues. Essentially, I tried to turn over a new leaf. Physically, I am tall and have been described as modelesque (22f, at the time 21f)
So that you know, I'm generally introverted but caring and forward. If I am new at a workplace, I exchange formalities first because I know my introverted nature may read differently than I intend. Call it "forcing myself out of my comfort zone," if you will. Anyway, I meet this guy in the first few weeks—let's call him R.
R seemed like a friendly, easygoing guy (28M). Physically, he is tall and attractive, with the NYC flair. Initially, when I rang him up (retail job), he appeared shy when I told him to have a good day. However, he slowly opened up more. He asked me about my background, and we talked pleasantly about hobbies and places we traveled to. Just to remind you, this is small talk, lasting roughly 5-10 minutes. So, after this exchange, I began greeting him in the mornings.
​
At one point, I overheard him talking about attending a photographer event and was intrigued since I'd wanted to get my modeling portfolio done for the longest. I pushed my anxiety aside and asked if he knew any photographers in the area and if he'd be willing to recommend any. He said, "Yes," and that was that; he had forgotten the first time, so the next time I saw him, I casually strolled up and asked if he had an email address or Instagram to share it on. We connect over Instagram, and that seems like the end of it. R starts liking my stories and being more attentive than usual at work. For instance, one morning, he forcefully pushed his chest in my face to see if he smelled like weed, expressed concern about my well-being when I was upset, and playfully teased me. I did not want to take this out of proportion without a direct expression of interest, so I didn't think much of it other than him trying to be friendly. One day, as I was walking home, R and an older male coworker called out from the car to ask if I needed a ride. The car is at the very bottom of the hill my job is on, and I decided I needed to go to the library to finish some assignments + the weather was nice, so I put up my hand to politely wave to signal, "It's okay." I did not want him to wait an unnecessary amount of time for me to walk down. I had completely forgotten about this incident, so I was shocked when R's attitude did a complete 360 the next day. Gone was the friendly face, and he gritted out my name when I attempted to say hello. He did not make eye contact with me.
From then on, he started acting awkwardly. He seemed hesitant to approach. When I was talking to another coworker while working, he'd come up to stand between us and not say anything, while look back and forth. He attempted to speak to me again about school, and again, it was a pleasant conversation, but nothing that I wanted to read too deeply into. In our last regular interaction, I came in, and he started scanning my face and seemed to be looking at my lips; he started applying chapstick and then walked off. After that, he began avoiding me altogether.
From then on, for eight months until I resigned, it felt like I was living in hell—a whole bunch of mixed signals, just a repeat of high school. I hosted a podcast, and somehow, he found it and told everyone at work about it but never brought it up to me or anything, and it became an awkward environment for me to work in.
Could someone explain this situation to me? Because I still need to figure out what happened and why it had to happen the way it did.

Complicated coworker situation
Strange coworker situation... seeking possible perspectives
This happened quite a bit ago but led to many events I would not have anticipated in my wildest dreams. Here we go... I transferred to a new location because I was restarting back at school after a two-year break due to COVID-19. When I started, my primary focus was on the job due to some high-school drama at my last location. In addition, I wanted to put my best foot forward because I dealt with social anxiety and some self-esteem issues. Essentially, I tried to turn over a new leaf. Physically, I am tall and have been described as modelesque (22f, at the time 21f)
So that you know, I'm generally introverted but caring and forward. If I am new at a workplace, I exchange formalities first because I know my introverted nature may read differently than I intend. Call it "forcing myself out of my comfort zone," if you will. Anyway, I meet this guy in the first few weeks—let's call him R.
R seemed like a friendly, easygoing guy (28M). Physically, he is tall and attractive, with the NYC flair. Initially, when I rang him up (retail job), he appeared shy when I told him to have a good day. However, he slowly opened up more. He asked me about my background, and we talked pleasantly about hobbies and places we traveled to. Just to remind you, this is small talk, lasting roughly 5-10 minutes. So, after this exchange, I began greeting him in the mornings.
​
At one point, I overheard him talking about attending a photographer event and was intrigued since I'd wanted to get my modeling portfolio done for the longest. I pushed my anxiety aside and asked if he knew any photographers in the area and if he'd be willing to recommend any. He said, "Yes," and that was that; he had forgotten the first time, so the next time I saw him, I casually strolled up and asked if he had an email address or Instagram to share it on. We connect over Instagram, and that seems like the end of it. R starts liking my stories and being more attentive than usual at work. For instance, one morning, he forcefully pushed his chest in my face to see if he smelled like weed, expressed concern about my well-being when I was upset, and playfully teased me. I did not want to take this out of proportion without a direct expression of interest, so I didn't think much of it other than him trying to be friendly. One day, as I was walking home, R and an older male coworker called out from the car to ask if I needed a ride. The car is at the very bottom of the hill my job is on, and I decided I needed to go to the library to finish some assignments + the weather was nice, so I put up my hand to politely wave to signal, "It's okay." I did not want him to wait an unnecessary amount of time for me to walk down. I had completely forgotten about this incident, so I was shocked when R's attitude did a complete 360 the next day. Gone was the friendly face, and he gritted out my name when I attempted to say hello. He did not make eye contact with me.
From then on, he started acting awkwardly. He seemed hesitant to approach. When I was talking to another coworker while working, he'd come up to stand between us and not say anything, while look back and forth. He attempted to speak to me again about school, and again, it was a pleasant conversation, but nothing that I wanted to read too deeply into. In our last regular interaction, I came in, and he started scanning my face and seemed to be looking at my lips; he started applying chapstick and then walked off. After that, he began avoiding me altogether.
From then on, for eight months until I resigned, it felt like I was living in hell—a whole bunch of mixed signals, just a repeat of high school. I hosted a podcast, and somehow, he found it and told everyone at work about it but never brought it up to me or anything, and it became an awkward environment for me to work in.
Could someone explain this situation to me? Because I still need to figure out what happened and why it had to happen the way it did.

I - II - III - IV
Ollo slipped through the low weeds, weaving around everything in sight.
He learned he could turn quite fast, so losing his pursuit was simple: the blue bee was no match for the constant, sharp swerves he made along every monolith edge.
The whole escape may have actually been fun, if Ollo hadn’t seen what happened to the other racers who get caught.
It was a clubtail, pleading for mercy as a dozen bees clipped his wings and bit off his antennae, that killed Ollo’s spirits. There was also a racer who’d been de-limbed. Bees airlifted his worm-like body, pinching if he resisted. That sight almost made Ollo crash.
He continued to swerve, focusing on maintaining speed. The Ancestor had softened her light-flares, which allowed Ollo to better take in his environs and track the distant brown form of Flax.
His guide was right about last place being advantageous: if they had been up with the main plume of racers, they’d be evading hundreds of bees instead of just one or two.
Ollo turned a corner of another set of pillars Flax had rounded moments ago. The brown damselfly zoomed past a patch of grass, sputtered for a moment, and then turned around, suddenly chased by a blue blur.
Oh no. Ollo slowed down.
He focused his eyes and deduced that Flax was flying backwards, trying to shake something off his front. As he approached, Ollo could make out the bee clinging to Flax’s eye, sinking its jaws deeper and deeper.
Oh no, no, no. Ollo didn’t think he could tackle a foe without harming himself. Should he go for its abdomen? It’s throat? He recalled his days in the pond, chasing beetles. How much simpler it was then. All he had to do was barrel forward and disorient them.
I guess that’s what I do now.
Colliding with the bee’s side made the insect vibrate. Before it could get away, Ollo sank in his mandibles, biting down until he felt the tips of his jaws meet through flesh. With a swift yank, Ollo ripped off two limbs and half a belly, causing the bee to freeze, choke, and let go of Flax’s face.
“Oh praise Meganeura!” The damselfly pulled free, bleeding from his eye. “I thought I was food!”
***
They were each into their second glass of mead. Diggs pointed at red numbers on-screen, which sporadically increased.
“You’ll notice we’ve lost a few drones in these hives, but a culling is necessary. We need only the tough to remain. If the military wants a fleet of drone-soldiers, we need to ensure they’re Navy SEALS. Right, Sergeant?”
Teresa sipped her mead. She had to admit, as ridiculous as this was, the dragonflies at least seemed capable of defending themselves. Considering that many conflict areas now had regular bouts of locust swarms and blackflies. Oh, how the world has changed.
Diggs then whispered something to Cesar and leaned against a monitor. “Now, this being a reconnaissance mission, Sergeant, I’d like to show you just how expertly our little guys can observe a target. You see that scarecrow over there?” He pointed out the windows at what looked like a strange tree in the distance. “Go ahead and watch that for a moment.”
***
Once they left the grid of monoliths*,* the lights in Ollo’s head began to spark. Magenta and pink created a ribbon to fly along, with bright blue hoops to soar through.
Flax and he resumed their tandem flight, cruising over patches of bushes, saplings, and increased foliage.
“I’ve flown three other races Ollie. Sometimes there’s an odd mosquito, maybe a horsefly or two, but never a ... bee horde.” Flax’s voice quivered. *“*Why would The Ancestor have us go through such a thing? That was too cruel. Something feels wrong.”
Ollo couldn’t speak from any previous experience, but he agreed that it felt like a violation. He continued combing his vision grid, until he finally spotted dragonflies ahead.
The neon colors brought them both to where everyone else had reached, forming a perfect loop of remaining racers around a frozen envoy.
“Well, it looks like we’re still in last,” Flax said. “But why another circuit? Seems very strange.”
The Ancestor’s lights forced them into the centrifuge, looping a motionless (dead?) Envoy that stood on one foot. No matter what rank you were earlier, everyone broke even here.
“Is this normal?” Ollo asked.
“Not during a race.”
“Should we … try and break out?”
“We have to obey her lights.”
They stayed tandem in this slow-moving circle, flying behind a tattered-looking narrow-wing. Ollo got a clear view of the other racers, and could see that many were now missing limbs or parts of their wings. He may have been one of the lucky unscathed.
The signet on his back then started to heat up, making brief, delicate clicking sounds. Is it a sign? Does the Ancestor want me to notice something?
***
The photographs were clear and admirably hi-res. Teresa was impressed that so little was obstructed by the dragonflies' own wings.
“Imagine wanting to get a picture of a target,” Diggs began, “but he’s being held in a cell, with window slots too tiny for a human hand to get through. Or*,* maybe he’s being moved, protected by countless guards, each on the lookout for cameras or spies. Well, the solution to both scenarios is sending a tiny, inconspicuous dragonfly.”
The screens were tuned to display various angles of the scarecrow. A hay torso. A beekeeper mask. Wooden stake arms.
“Naturally, you couldn’t send a swarm like we have now into a more intimate operation,” Diggs said, “but you could send clusters, break them off into groups, and have them follow multiple suspects. That sort of thing.”
Teresa nodded along, and decided she wanted to see them enact a request of her own. “Can they take aerials?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Bird’s-eye views. Sometimes our satellites can’t penetrate cloud cover.”
“But of course.”
***
Ollo realized what the Ancestor’s clicking meant. She wants me to seek my companion. I’m supposed to find Imura.
His incredible eyes searched for those familiar black-and-yellow stripes. He was very good at discerning nearby kin, spotting pondsitters, a duskhawker, and various types of reedling. But a tigertail was nowhere to be seen.
Instead of stripes, Ollo soon winced to see crimson and violet strings that beckoned upward. Lady Meganeura’s lights had returned, growing brighter by the moment.
“Are you feeling that?” Flax slowed their momentum.
“Yes,” Ollo said, “we need to rise.”
They engaged their wings and fluttered upwards, following the threads of purple and red. The racers around them did likewise, and as a group, the insects formed an imperfect halo of shifting wings, ascending far higher than the glass dome would ever have allowed.
Soon it became cold. Harsh winds buffeted Ollo and Flax. With each rise in elevation, the air grew emptier, sharper. The damselfly shivered. “Where could she p-p-possibly be taking us? And why?”
There was nothing above, save for a deeply-hazed sun and ragged clouds. When the race reached a height where no one could refuse shivering, the lights finally faded.
For a moment, all the racers stared at each other, observing this hazy troposphere, horrified at how far below the earth that stared back was. If anyone were to stop their hovering counter-strokes, a simple breeze could spell the end.
Then Ollo’s signet began to heat up, making the same delicate clicking as before. I need to find Imura.
He tapped his partner’s tail. “Flax, we’ve got to move. I think The Ancestor’s giving me a sign.”
“A sign?” Flax wheezed. “Keghhh. Heghhh. Ollie, I don’t trust any signs right now. I’m telling you, something about this is really off.”
But Ollo searched anyway, scanning for those stripes. He slowly let go of Flax’s tail. “If you won’t come with me, I’ll go myself.”
“Are you deranged—you want to travel alone?”
A cloud form encroached with menacing slowness, whispering of icy chills. Below it, the lights re-emerged as spikes of cyan and jade. But they weren’t directing downwards, back to safety like everyone hoped; instead, they urged them to the east, along a long, horizontal track across the grey sky.
“Oh Lady Mega...” Flax’s shivering briefly stopped. “She wants us to race at this altitude?”
Despite his complaint, the majority of racers had already taken off, slowly following the lights against the clouds and turbulence.
Ollo let go of Flax. “Are you not going?”
“No, I’m not going!” Flax said, shivering again. “If disobeying lights is going to p-p-pop me, then so shall I pop, but I’m not flying out there to die in a broken race any longer! You’d be an even bigger dullard to try.”
A frigid draft briefly seized Ollo’s muscles. He shook them awake.
“These obstacles are cruel,” Flax continued. “Look at these fools, breaking their wings. And for what, Ollo? Come back down. Save yourself.”
Ollo inspected the race ahead, hoping to agree, but then he spotted them. Those black and yellow stripes. They were diving just ahead between hoops of cyan.
He took off alone. Flax yelled something, trying to turn him back. But he couldn’t, not when Imura was so close.
***
The aerial views were equally impressive. Dragondrones could be commanded to take long, sweeping scans of the geography below, and unlike satellites, they could penetrate cloud cover.
Teresa swiped between the photos, getting a full lay of the land. She paused on the hexagonal roof of their gazebo; next to it stood the cheery form of Diggs, halfway through his second cigarette.
“Like what you see?” Diggs asked, stubbing his ash outside.
Teresa continued swiping. “It’s nice that there’s a large fleet; guarantees decent coverage.”
“It does! And the pilots are so cheap to reproduce! Hundreds of eggs from a single mating, each one containing a design that’s been refined over three hundred million years. Where else can you find a deal like that?” Only by gaming nature, Teresa supposed.
The screens all began to flash with a cloud icon in the upper right.
“Rain incoming,” Cesar mumbled.
Diggs glanced at the screens, and his smile widened even further. He stretched a hand outside the Gazebo, twiddling his fingers. “Looks like we’ll get a firsthand glimpse of weather hazards.”
“Is that a problem?” Teresa asked.
“Oh my, no. But bear in mind, under extreme weather conditions we’re bound to lose a couple,” Diggs said. “That’s why we send so many. The beauty of dragonflies is that they’ll take care of themselves. They’re able to hide and recoup their energy. Real drones would be out of luck in the field.”
Teresa considered this. He’s not wrong.
“Now, you might think it impossible for an airborne creature to avoid such a wet sky, but insects are different. Their tiny brains dilate time. A speeding water droplet to you is just a slow, avoidable drip to them.”
***
Ollo’s whole body trembled with fear. He tracked as many liquid meteors as he could. Other racers nearby began to break off from the Ancestor’s lights, returning to a more comfortable height, but Ollo refused to give up. He wanted to see the track through the clouds to the end—the mission was his own now.
He navigated the downpour, following the jade thread as it zigged and zagged. Further ahead, a faint tigertail pattern descended gradually.
The course goes down. That’s a relief.
Then a droplet smacked Ollo’s blindspot: his eye scar. It felt like a wet reckoning. His vision flashed. Epilepsy. Oh no, no, no, no.
He spiralled down, spinning like a whirligig. Jade and cyan flared through his mind. Ollo saw the earth rise towards him in bursts, like the bottom of the pond. For a moment it felt like he was diving. Swimming. Paddling.
No. Stay sharp. Must stay sharp.
He shook as he plummeted, shedding as much water as possible, and did his best to avoid more rain. Ollo prayed to The Ancestor. Begged. And with a sudden glint, her blinding lights abated. Ollo’s senses returned.
He alternated his wings, fore and aft as Flax had shown him, and by some miracle, the wind contoured his flight, levelling him out—but just barely.
There came a crash, and sharp things thrust their way into his space: pinecones and needles. Instinctually, Ollo thrust his legs out and cushioned against impact. His face smacked a tree.
Moments passed. Lifetimes.
Ollo wheezed and groaned, feeling his voice echo around him. Only it wasn’t an echo. The whole stream of remaining racers were now here, using this pine tree as shelter. They were coughing, shuddering, and fighting for space on the wood.
Ollo wiped his eyes, shocked to see he was still among the competitors. He looked around to orient himself, trying to spot a familiar form. The first he encountered was Gharraph.
“YES!” the green emperor howled. “Finally!”
The power of his voice came with an aftershock. Ollo watched him move along a pine branch, needles snapping beneath his wings. “Deliverance draws near! This is it, my fellow dragons—the race we’ve been waiting for!”
A couple racers rallied in coughs and shouts, supporting this sudden zeal.
“The Ancestor has been testing us, and the moment has come where we reach her final light.”
More shouts. The remaining morale seemed eager. Ollo gazed down among the cries, having heard a familiar pitch. He crawled past others until he reached a scant little broadleaf by the pine’s roots. There he saw them. The black and yellow stripes.
“Glory to The Ancestor! Her greatest race yet!” Imura lay half-obscured by the leaf, echoing Gharraph’s call.
Ollo tentatively approached, appreciating the richness of her colors. Excitement boiled away all his weariness; it felt as if he were molting. Eventually, his mandibles managed to align words. “Imura. Are you … all right?”
Her wings were sopping. One antenna was apparently gone. “Who is that? Ollo?”
There was no use containing himself. “Oh, thank Mega! You’re alive! You’re okay! This is good! This is so good!”
She stared at him, jaws agape. “How are you here? Shouldn’t you be back—”
“I was chosen! An Envoy chose me! I was destined to compete. To find you. To make sure you’re safe.” Ollo spoke faster than he could think. “I learned to fly tandem: Flax showed me. I know how to save us. I know how to fly us back!”
Imura looked at him, wiped rain off her head, then withdrew beneath the leaf. “I don’t understand; what are you talking about?”
Ollo folded his wings and followed her. “This race, it’s not heeding any of the usual rules. It’s twisted and dangerous.”
“Of course,” Imura said. “She’s pushing us. This is the race where she’ll offer it.”
“Offer what?”
“The next reward: beyond Outside.”
The two bugs observed each other beneath the leaf, neither believing the other was there.
“But, you’re hurt,” Ollo pointed at her feeler. “And you’re wet. You don’t actually plan on continuing?”
“What? Ollo. We need to keep going.” Imura wiped her eyes in small circles. “Can’t you feel that? Her lights?”
A pinging re-emerged in Ollo. Tiny white dots, venturing out, urging them still further east. Their pull was faint now, but he knew that would soon change.
“I don’t think that matters,” Ollo said. “What’s important is that we’re alive. That’s why she wanted me to find you.”
“But Gharraph—he’s right.” Imura grazed Ollo’s wings, testing their pliancy. “A new prize awaits. Beyond Outside. What could that even be?”
Ollo thought back to the adulthood he envisioned: the simple life among unadulterated nature. The childhood myth. He came to a realization.
“I know what the prize is.”
“What?”
He tapped the moist bark beneath them, inhaled some of the fresh air. “It’s living here.”
“What?”
“Back in the pond I saw flashes, images of what I thought adulthood would be like. It’s supposed to be a return to living outside. Not just in glimpses, or races. But living here. A paradise unbound.”
Imura froze, she grabbed her one remaining feeler, wringing it as she thought. “By Mega’s light … you’re right.”
The tigertail began to pace, massaging her head. “We race to prove our best***.*** We’re proving we can live out here. That must be what comes next. Settling down in life beyond the dome!”
Her enthusiasm enlivened Ollo; it made his whole harrowing journey worthwhile. This is why they were meant to reunite. A mutual swoon. A harmony. And now, together, they could figure out the rest of their lives.
“You’re completely undamaged.” Imura held Ollo’s tail, wiping what little moisture still clung to it. “It’s a miracle you’ve made it this far. You know what I think?” She wiped a droplet off his antennae. Its receptors sent a warmth so soothing that Ollo’s legs nearly buckled. “I think it’s no coincidence the Envoy selected you, fresh-bodied and determined. You knew of our future first. You foresaw the prize.”
“I mean, maybe, but I don’t think I’m all that special ...”
“Of course you are!” She held him now, brought her eyes against his. Two worlds of ultra-wide vision overlapping. “When I was in the clouds,” Imura whispered, “I glimpsed her waiting. Do you understand? I glimpsed Meganeura.”
“What?”
“She’s close. Here, returned to us in physical form. Awaiting her champions. You must be among them.”
“Me? But what about you, what about—”
“I’ll be fine; I must recoup. It’s obvious that she’s placed me here, right now, so that I could convince you.”
She let go of Ollo, but even afterwards, he could still see her silhouette in his eyes, a beautiful after-image.
“Go.” Imura lifted the leaf, pointing outward. “Go up now; follow Gharraph with the others. Promise me you’ll obey the lights, and that you’ll reach her.”
Ollo looked at Imura through her own afterimage. He wanted to retract his theory, to wail against this decision. They couldn’t separate again, not after all the effort he’d put in. He wished he could remember an adage from the pond-lores, some statement to prove he should stay ...
“And tell her about the memory you had,” Imura said. “You’re one of the signifiers, Ollo; a key to the adulthood we’ve always deserved. By the glory of every rank I’ve ever earned, I thank you. You might just be the herald of a new age!”
***
The surveillance journey of the drones had gone from scarecrow, to an aerial sweep, to the cover of a pine tree. Now, they’d been sent off again to a road crossing. But instead of waiting, or gaining slight altitude, one particular green Dragondrone had the audacity to simply dodge traffic.
The car had been coming at him head-on. It seemed as though the bug was either going to become a bumper sticker or a windshield splat. Then, at the last possible moment, the camera-feed leapt up, and the blue of the Tesla’s roof whizzed by underneath. The little pilot turned, as if observing the car disappear and acknowledging the near-death encounter, and then continued flying as if nothing had happened.
Teresa watched this on repeat, studying the stabilization and frame rate, both of which were quite decent (considering the compression); but what really impressed her was the physical reaction time.
“I see you found him,” said Cesar, peering over Teresa’s shoulder.
“Found who?”
“Our strongest specimen.”
Cesar helped Teresa swap to the feed of a trailing drone that had witnessed the stunt. From a couple meters back, the large, green dragonfly played chicken, hovering at road-kill height. But as soon as the vehicle entered frame, he shot up in a flash, performing a quick spin at the end.
Teresa replayed the footage from this new angle on repeat, analyzing the movement—that is, until a clapping came from the mini fridge.
“Excellent!”
Diggs had been pouring the remains of the mead into the last two glasses, ensuring they were even. “I was hoping he’d show off!” The director squeezed between Cesar and Teresa, cheering as if this were some sporting event. “Amazing isn’t it? He’s an import from Tasmania, you know. Anax papuensis. An Australian Emperor. The species has been proving to be the preferred choice in our program. I’m so glad you got to see him flaunt!”
“Flaunt?” Teresa said, trying to understand how the term could apply.
“Yes, well, the Nootropic enhances their cognizance.” Diggs handed Teresa one of the glasses. “It makes them better flyers, but I’m starting to suspect it also adds a bit of personality. An edge, if you will. It’s what allows us to steer them into environments they would naturally avoid.”
Teresa gave her temples a small rub, trying to brush away her incredulity. A real drone certainly doesn’t come with any ‘Tasmanian reflexes.’ She took her drink and stood, giving her eyes a break by observing the valley.
“You know, Sergeant, I was thinking my proposal would consist of chiefly Australian emperors.” Diggs leaned back in his chair. “Your first Dragondrone squadron needs to be exceptional, don’t you think?”
It had taken him so long to start talking business, Teresa figured he had been saving it for once everything was over. “You’re talking about the package you’d offer me?”
He stood up, almost matching her height. “Yes. Just so you get a sense: I would offer you a starting fleet of say, two hundred pilots—seventy percent being Emperors—along with your own dronehangar. You would need one of our operators on site, of course, and I’d be happy to reserve one of our experienced interns. Cesar has been training a few.”
The assistant busied himself nearby, likely pretending to ignore their discussion. Teresa wasn’t sure what her answer was, anyway. As intriguing as some elements of the proposal were, at the end of the day, the technology still seemed too strange. Too ridiculous. But perhaps that’s how genius always germinates? From a seed of absurdity?
Then her phone rang. Its screen flashed with coordinates, indicating her incoming freedom. She stared at it, first for her own benefit, then as a double-take for Diggs. “You know what? I’m so sorry—I’ve been summoned, apparently. For a ‘Code R4.’
‘A code what?” Diggs asked.
“Arctic stuff. Immediate. Confidential. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to cut this demonstration short.”
The director settled his glass with a tiny frown. He turned to Cesar, who stared back, silently bemused. “Well, that’s too bad,” Diggs said. “I guess I should have prepared a contingency. There’s still another Gazebo I wanted to show you … some nocturnal capabilities you know nothing about …” he ran his fingers along the side of a monitor. The map indicated that they had reached marker ten out of thirty.
“I’m afraid duty calls.” Teresa gave him a wan smile. “We’ll have to reschedule for the rest.”
Diggs put a hand on Cesar and began whispering something quickly. They were rerouting map markers, cancelling dozens of icons.
Escape was definitely the right call, Teresa thought, and took a long sip of mead.
***
A new-found determination blossomed in Ollo, one born of finality and understanding**.** The sooner he met with The Ancestor, the sooner freedom would reach them all. And then he could exist with Imura as he had always wanted: in a paradise unbound*.*
He surged behind Gharraph and a dozen other dragons still willing to compete. He wasn’t all that fast of course, and lacked their days of dome-training, but Ollo had managed to decipher the code that enabled safe passage through the rain and obstacles. Trust Meganeura.
His latent realization had finally been brought to a head by Gharraph. The champion had impressed everyone as he defied a giant rolling beetle, screaming The Ancestor’s name. It was at that moment Ollo understood the power of devotion. An unconditional obedience to the Great Lady allowed racers to push forward and rank high. Follow her lights. Trust Meganeura.
As long as Ollo stuck as close as possible to the blinking white track, it felt as if he were truly invulnerable to any whim of The Outside. The race crossed several small fields, another flatworm of granite, and a copse of trees. At one point, it went over a roiling stream; its torrents of white foam reminded Ollo of the bubbles that diving beetles released when they had nothing else to lose. It had all been going remarkably well until Ollo reached the obstacle that had caught everyone else: a buffet of air too strong to overcome.
The elite dragonflies were being continually spat back. No one was able to beat the countervailing wind, which grew tenfold at the base of a knoll. Even the unstoppable Gharraph was being tossed backwards.
“We must hold the line!” The champion yelled. “Grab a stalk if you have to! We can’t fall back!”
Arriving late, Ollo avoided getting tousled and joined the rest as they dove into the grass, gripping the thickest sheathes available. The plants whipped viciously back and forth, forcing everyone to snap their wings down into tight folds.
How is the air so fierce?
The lights still pulsated and beckoned towards the knoll. She’s testing us now, more than ever, Ollo thought.
Then came the roaring: a dense, low, thunderous cry. Ollo swapped fearful looks with a ringtail. Neither of them knew what was coming.
It was the loudest sound Ollo had ever heard. As it neared, the wind began to wane. Ollo took a few breaths to relax his hold, trying to steal a glance at this loud thing—and that’s when the vortex seized him.
All four of his wings suddenly bent in the wrong direction, and his whole body spun out of control. His vision blurred, the only thing he could clearly see being the purple division of his scar. His body tumbled about, like he was being chewed and swallowed by billows of air. And then he saw something. A silhouette: a being. It was her.
His deity approached, drawing all the air towards her. The pull was inescapable. Ollo gazed up and beheld her empyrean presence.
She was a dragonfly, except colossal. Sleek, black, and large enough to swallow an Envoy whole. Ollo spotted Gharraph and at least two other elite racers all subjected to the same immense pull as he. No one could escape.
“We beseech thy ancient reverence!” the green emperor yelled, his own wings completely askew. “It is I, Gharraph, longest reigning champion there has been!”
Meganeura drew nearer and roared. From behind her, the sun fired a prism of ultraviolet rays.
“On behalf of my kin. I implore you. It is time. It is time we were awarded the next stage of our lives!”
Yes. Ollo wanted to shout. Break this cycle of racing. A life of forever Outside.
Their deity roared, ripping the air itself with the blur of her wings, shredding the droplets of rain that fell and surrounded them.
“We wish to roam new lands,” Gharraph continued, “to see what else there is.”
“That’s right!” Ollo added. “How it once must have been!”
The vortex had altogether ceased, creating a sense of utter tranquility. Instead of being pulled, Ollo’s body was allowed to float in a bubbly effervescence.
“We have passed thine divine trial,” Gharraph boomed, flexing his four, now-steady wings. “Offer us the final promise, O Great Meganeura! Usher in a new age!”
The green emperor flew close and bowed, showing deference to the almighty.
As he likewise approached, Ollo began to notice the strange appearance of Meganeura when seen up close. Her skin was matte, holding no shine. And her wings: they fluttered in a way that made no sense, as if spinning on one axis.
“O Great One from times beyond past. We’ve come now, to pay homage—” Gharraph was stuck by the Ancestor’s wing. His paltry form was cast into a thousand pieces across the luminous sky.
Ollo froze from shock. He watched as Meganeura’s massive black wings continued to chop the air, mincing everyone and everything. A new scar split his vision, dividing his world in two. Then it split him again. And again. And again. And again.
***
“A chopper?!”
Diggs’s mouth had lain open for almost a whole minute. He half-covered it with his hand. Then uncovered it. “That’s pretty neat.”
They had all stepped outside to observe the Black Hawk grow against the horizon, its propeller whirring louder and louder.
“Your facility here is actually not too far from our base in Whitehorse.” Teresa said. “There wasn’t a jet available, so they had to pick me up like this. I hope you won’t mind an improvised landing.”
Both men gawked at the sight. The chopper looked like it was emerging from the sunset, light appearing to melt around it.
“Land it anywhere,” Diggs said, his smile slowly fading. He began to whisper something, an angry something into his assistant, as if he were at fault. Cesar nodded, his blank look still unwavering.
Teresa watched the odonatologist walk dejectedly to the Gazebo and decided to try something.
“Director, what if I had a small counter-proposal?”
Diggs lit up immediately, “A counter-proposal?”
“What if”—Teresa glanced at her chopper, and then at Cesar walking off—“what if I took Cesar with me? For a kind of trial?”
“What do you mean?”
“It would be difficult to commit to a whole new fleet. But I think my Major would be open to a small selection. Cesar could come and demonstrate how your drones would operate around the arctic base.”
Diggs gave a her peculiar look, as if he were near-sighted. “I would have to think about it … Mr. Costales is crucial to our process here. I can’t have him missing for long.”
“Not long,” Teresa said. “Just a few days. All I would need is to demo a fraction of what you’ve shown me. We could potentially skip a whole year of bureaucracy and invest in a fleet sooner.”
Diggs gripped his chin. His eyes were questioning, almost leering, asking her one word: Why?
But Teresa couldn’t pin down exactly why. Perhaps it was that dead, defeated look on Cesar. A look that spoke of jaded hopes, long nights, and unwarranted exploitation. Maybe it was the mead, but Teresa had been struck with sympathy. If she could help someone else avoid the hell she went through during her early years, then maybe this whole charade could have a positive outcome after all.
“Well think about it anyway,” Teresa said. “I wouldn’t have to grab him now—”
“But if you did”—Diggs smiled again, his hands rummaging through his pockets—“it might heighten our chances of a complete investment?” The director produced a tablet and stylus.
“I’d be shuffling a lot of work here, so I’d have to cover Cesar’s absence. But I could offer him. At a premium.”
Teresa glanced at Diggs’ device; the man was not afraid to test military spending. His figure wasn’t far off from the cost of her summoning this evac. Should I just double down? Turn my escape into a rescue?
“That looks fine,” she eventually managed. “The major would be pleased.”
“Stupendous,” Diggs said quietly. He jotted a few more things to his device. “Let me find some documentation; give me a few moments.”
She turned away from the megalomaniac and ventured into the Gazebo. She found Cesar and explained what was being arranged.
“So … I’m going with you?” He only half-stood, his neck still mostly hunched over a screen.
“Yes.”
“Now?”
“Only if you’re able to.”
His eyes had a habit of getting stuck in one expression, and now it appeared to be shock. He fiddled with a screen, then beckoned Teresa over.
“Well, I mean, are you sure you want me now? It looks like your helicopter may have impacted some of our drones. I only have about twenty in operation that I could bring with us.”
“Twenty sounds plenty.”
“Okay ...” Cesar said, still having trouble meeting Teresa’s gaze. “You really think your boss would want this?”
Teresa offered a smile. “When he finds out I returned in a chopper with you, he’s going to be ecstatic.”
Or furious. But that’s fine with me.
***
Imura never did know what happened to end that fateful race, but whatever it was, it had worked. There truly was a reward beyond just racing Outside: it was racing Outside...of time and space.
She and all the survivors of the final trial had been transported across dimensions. They were ushered into divine chambers of pure metal, adorned with calming scents and sounds. They travelled to realms of fluffy, white rain and unparalleled vistas. They explored through the tropics, soared past forests, and flew above a vast, limitless stretch of pond with no lilies in sight.
It was admittedly a very strenuous lifestyle, one with as many dangers and mysteries as a dragon racer could expect. The Ancestor’s lights and Envoys were demanding, but it was nothing Imura’s clan couldn’t handle. Everyone agreed that this was a dragon’s proper existence, not the shameful depravity they had experienced in the dome.
Among Imura’s favorite new realms was the dry-world of sand. Here they had spent the last several days, exploring numerous tracks and following Envoys inside armored beetles. It was beneath the desert heat that she became a mother, a proud matriarch that reflected the spirit of Meganeura. Her children were as strong as she could have hoped for. Her offspring would all be little green emperors, mixed with tigertail stripes.
She laid her first batch in a pool warmed by the open sun, and pondered names. They had to be called something strong, of course, to tough out the new life of moving between worlds, but they also needed poise.
Although he was somewhat dotty, she had always liked the name of that red darner who had been so warmly precocious. He had such a strange vision, that one. Imura swirled her tail in the pond, remembering what he had said about an aimless adulthood outdoors. About life untamed. How unappealing it now sounded. Still, it was him, Gharraph, and the others who had met Meganeuara and brokered their future. Those lucky few could be in some even higher, more ethereal plane than me, she thought. Where could you be, Ollo? Somewhere of pure mirth?
Mirth. Now that's a pretty name.
Ripples formed across the pond as Imura’s tail swayed. The gentle movement dispersed her eggs throughout the pool, sinking them to all corners. She waited patiently to witness which of her children would first reach the surface, whether by accident or curiosity.
It all starts here: life’s earliest race.

I - II - III - IV
Ollo slipped through the low weeds, weaving around everything in sight.
He learned he could turn quite fast, so losing his pursuit was simple: the blue bee was no match for the constant, sharp swerves he made along every monolith edge.
The whole escape may have actually been fun, if Ollo hadn’t seen what happened to the other racers who get caught.
It was a clubtail, pleading for mercy as a dozen bees clipped his wings and bit off his antennae, that killed Ollo’s spirits. There was also a racer who’d been de-limbed. Bees airlifted his worm-like body, pinching if he resisted. That sight almost made Ollo crash.
He continued to swerve, focusing on maintaining speed. The Ancestor had softened her light-flares, which allowed Ollo to better take in his environs and track the distant brown form of Flax.
His guide was right about last place being advantageous: if they had been up with the main plume of racers, they’d be evading hundreds of bees instead of just one or two.
Ollo turned a corner of another set of pillars Flax had rounded moments ago. The brown damselfly zoomed past a patch of grass, sputtered for a moment, and then turned around, suddenly chased by a blue blur.
Oh no. Ollo slowed down.
He focused his eyes and deduced that Flax was flying backwards, trying to shake something off his front. As he approached, Ollo could make out the bee clinging to Flax’s eye, sinking its jaws deeper and deeper.
Oh no, no, no. Ollo didn’t think he could tackle a foe without harming himself. Should he go for its abdomen? It’s throat? He recalled his days in the pond, chasing beetles. How much simpler it was then. All he had to do was barrel forward and disorient them.
I guess that’s what I do now.
Colliding with the bee’s side made the insect vibrate. Before it could get away, Ollo sank in his mandibles, biting down until he felt the tips of his jaws meet through flesh. With a swift yank, Ollo ripped off two limbs and half a belly, causing the bee to freeze, choke, and let go of Flax’s face.
“Oh praise Meganeura!” The damselfly pulled free, bleeding from his eye. “I thought I was food!”
***
They were each into their second glass of mead. Diggs pointed at red numbers on-screen, which sporadically increased.
“You’ll notice we’ve lost a few drones in these hives, but a culling is necessary. We need only the tough to remain. If the military wants a fleet of drone-soldiers, we need to ensure they’re Navy SEALS. Right, Sergeant?”
Teresa sipped her mead. She had to admit, as ridiculous as this was, the dragonflies at least seemed capable of defending themselves. Considering that many conflict areas now had regular bouts of locust swarms and blackflies. Oh, how the world has changed.
Diggs then whispered something to Cesar and leaned against a monitor. “Now, this being a reconnaissance mission, Sergeant, I’d like to show you just how expertly our little guys can observe a target. You see that scarecrow over there?” He pointed out the windows at what looked like a strange tree in the distance. “Go ahead and watch that for a moment.”
***
Once they left the grid of monoliths*,* the lights in Ollo’s head began to spark. Magenta and pink created a ribbon to fly along, with bright blue hoops to soar through.
Flax and he resumed their tandem flight, cruising over patches of bushes, saplings, and increased foliage.
“I’ve flown three other races Ollie. Sometimes there’s an odd mosquito, maybe a horsefly or two, but never a ... bee horde.” Flax’s voice quivered. *“*Why would The Ancestor have us go through such a thing? That was too cruel. Something feels wrong.”
Ollo couldn’t speak from any previous experience, but he agreed that it felt like a violation. He continued combing his vision grid, until he finally spotted dragonflies ahead.
The neon colors brought them both to where everyone else had reached, forming a perfect loop of remaining racers around a frozen envoy.
“Well, it looks like we’re still in last,” Flax said. “But why another circuit? Seems very strange.”
The Ancestor’s lights forced them into the centrifuge, looping a motionless (dead?) Envoy that stood on one foot. No matter what rank you were earlier, everyone broke even here.
“Is this normal?” Ollo asked.
“Not during a race.”
“Should we … try and break out?”
“We have to obey her lights.”
They stayed tandem in this slow-moving circle, flying behind a tattered-looking narrow-wing. Ollo got a clear view of the other racers, and could see that many were now missing limbs or parts of their wings. He may have been one of the lucky unscathed.
The signet on his back then started to heat up, making brief, delicate clicking sounds. Is it a sign? Does the Ancestor want me to notice something?
***
The photographs were clear and admirably hi-res. Teresa was impressed that so little was obstructed by the dragonflies' own wings.
“Imagine wanting to get a picture of a target,” Diggs began, “but he’s being held in a cell, with window slots too tiny for a human hand to get through. Or*,* maybe he’s being moved, protected by countless guards, each on the lookout for cameras or spies. Well, the solution to both scenarios is sending a tiny, inconspicuous dragonfly.”
The screens were tuned to display various angles of the scarecrow. A hay torso. A beekeeper mask. Wooden stake arms.
“Naturally, you couldn’t send a swarm like we have now into a more intimate operation,” Diggs said, “but you could send clusters, break them off into groups, and have them follow multiple suspects. That sort of thing.”
Teresa nodded along, and decided she wanted to see them enact a request of her own. “Can they take aerials?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Bird’s-eye views. Sometimes our satellites can’t penetrate cloud cover.”
“But of course.”
***
Ollo realized what the Ancestor’s clicking meant. She wants me to seek my companion. I’m supposed to find Imura.
His incredible eyes searched for those familiar black-and-yellow stripes. He was very good at discerning nearby kin, spotting pondsitters, a duskhawker, and various types of reedling. But a tigertail was nowhere to be seen.
Instead of stripes, Ollo soon winced to see crimson and violet strings that beckoned upward. Lady Meganeura’s lights had returned, growing brighter by the moment.
“Are you feeling that?” Flax slowed their momentum.
“Yes,” Ollo said, “we need to rise.”
They engaged their wings and fluttered upwards, following the threads of purple and red. The racers around them did likewise, and as a group, the insects formed an imperfect halo of shifting wings, ascending far higher than the glass dome would ever have allowed.
Soon it became cold. Harsh winds buffeted Ollo and Flax. With each rise in elevation, the air grew emptier, sharper. The damselfly shivered. “Where could she p-p-possibly be taking us? And why?”
There was nothing above, save for a deeply-hazed sun and ragged clouds. When the race reached a height where no one could refuse shivering, the lights finally faded.
For a moment, all the racers stared at each other, observing this hazy troposphere, horrified at how far below the earth that stared back was. If anyone were to stop their hovering counter-strokes, a simple breeze could spell the end.
Then Ollo’s signet began to heat up, making the same delicate clicking as before. I need to find Imura.
He tapped his partner’s tail. “Flax, we’ve got to move. I think The Ancestor’s giving me a sign.”
“A sign?” Flax wheezed. “Keghhh. Heghhh. Ollie, I don’t trust any signs right now. I’m telling you, something about this is really off.”
But Ollo searched anyway, scanning for those stripes. He slowly let go of Flax’s tail. “If you won’t come with me, I’ll go myself.”
“Are you deranged—you want to travel alone?”
A cloud form encroached with menacing slowness, whispering of icy chills. Below it, the lights re-emerged as spikes of cyan and jade. But they weren’t directing downwards, back to safety like everyone hoped; instead, they urged them to the east, along a long, horizontal track across the grey sky.
“Oh Lady Mega...” Flax’s shivering briefly stopped. “She wants us to race at this altitude?”
Despite his complaint, the majority of racers had already taken off, slowly following the lights against the clouds and turbulence.
Ollo let go of Flax. “Are you not going?”
“No, I’m not going!” Flax said, shivering again. “If disobeying lights is going to p-p-pop me, then so shall I pop, but I’m not flying out there to die in a broken race any longer! You’d be an even bigger dullard to try.”
A frigid draft briefly seized Ollo’s muscles. He shook them awake.
“These obstacles are cruel,” Flax continued. “Look at these fools, breaking their wings. And for what, Ollo? Come back down. Save yourself.”
Ollo inspected the race ahead, hoping to agree, but then he spotted them. Those black and yellow stripes. They were diving just ahead between hoops of cyan.
He took off alone. Flax yelled something, trying to turn him back. But he couldn’t, not when Imura was so close.
***
The aerial views were equally impressive. Dragondrones could be commanded to take long, sweeping scans of the geography below, and unlike satellites, they could penetrate cloud cover.
Teresa swiped between the photos, getting a full lay of the land. She paused on the hexagonal roof of their gazebo; next to it stood the cheery form of Diggs, halfway through his second cigarette.
“Like what you see?” Diggs asked, stubbing his ash outside.
Teresa continued swiping. “It’s nice that there’s a large fleet; guarantees decent coverage.”
“It does! And the pilots are so cheap to reproduce! Hundreds of eggs from a single mating, each one containing a design that’s been refined over three hundred million years. Where else can you find a deal like that?” Only by gaming nature, Teresa supposed.
The screens all began to flash with a cloud icon in the upper right.
“Rain incoming,” Cesar mumbled.
Diggs glanced at the screens, and his smile widened even further. He stretched a hand outside the Gazebo, twiddling his fingers. “Looks like we’ll get a firsthand glimpse of weather hazards.”
“Is that a problem?” Teresa asked.
“Oh my, no. But bear in mind, under extreme weather conditions we’re bound to lose a couple,” Diggs said. “That’s why we send so many. The beauty of dragonflies is that they’ll take care of themselves. They’re able to hide and recoup their energy. Real drones would be out of luck in the field.”
Teresa considered this. He’s not wrong.
“Now, you might think it impossible for an airborne creature to avoid such a wet sky, but insects are different. Their tiny brains dilate time. A speeding water droplet to you is just a slow, avoidable drip to them.”
***
Ollo’s whole body trembled with fear. He tracked as many liquid meteors as he could. Other racers nearby began to break off from the Ancestor’s lights, returning to a more comfortable height, but Ollo refused to give up. He wanted to see the track through the clouds to the end—the mission was his own now.
He navigated the downpour, following the jade thread as it zigged and zagged. Further ahead, a faint tigertail pattern descended gradually.
The course goes down. That’s a relief.
Then a droplet smacked Ollo’s blindspot: his eye scar. It felt like a wet reckoning. His vision flashed. Epilepsy. Oh no, no, no, no.
He spiralled down, spinning like a whirligig. Jade and cyan flared through his mind. Ollo saw the earth rise towards him in bursts, like the bottom of the pond. For a moment it felt like he was diving. Swimming. Paddling.
No. Stay sharp. Must stay sharp.
He shook as he plummeted, shedding as much water as possible, and did his best to avoid more rain. Ollo prayed to The Ancestor. Begged. And with a sudden glint, her blinding lights abated. Ollo’s senses returned.
He alternated his wings, fore and aft as Flax had shown him, and by some miracle, the wind contoured his flight, levelling him out—but just barely.
There came a crash, and sharp things thrust their way into his space: pinecones and needles. Instinctually, Ollo thrust his legs out and cushioned against impact. His face smacked a tree.
Moments passed. Lifetimes.
Ollo wheezed and groaned, feeling his voice echo around him. Only it wasn’t an echo. The whole stream of remaining racers were now here, using this pine tree as shelter. They were coughing, shuddering, and fighting for space on the wood.
Ollo wiped his eyes, shocked to see he was still among the competitors. He looked around to orient himself, trying to spot a familiar form. The first he encountered was Gharraph.
“YES!” the green emperor howled. “Finally!”
The power of his voice came with an aftershock. Ollo watched him move along a pine branch, needles snapping beneath his wings. “Deliverance draws near! This is it, my fellow dragons—the race we’ve been waiting for!”
A couple racers rallied in coughs and shouts, supporting this sudden zeal.
“The Ancestor has been testing us, and the moment has come where we reach her final light.”
More shouts. The remaining morale seemed eager. Ollo gazed down among the cries, having heard a familiar pitch. He crawled past others until he reached a scant little broadleaf by the pine’s roots. There he saw them. The black and yellow stripes.
“Glory to The Ancestor! Her greatest race yet!” Imura lay half-obscured by the leaf, echoing Gharraph’s call.
Ollo tentatively approached, appreciating the richness of her colors. Excitement boiled away all his weariness; it felt as if he were molting. Eventually, his mandibles managed to align words. “Imura. Are you … all right?”
Her wings were sopping. One antenna was apparently gone. “Who is that? Ollo?”
There was no use containing himself. “Oh, thank Mega! You’re alive! You’re okay! This is good! This is so good!”
She stared at him, jaws agape. “How are you here? Shouldn’t you be back—”
“I was chosen! An Envoy chose me! I was destined to compete. To find you. To make sure you’re safe.” Ollo spoke faster than he could think. “I learned to fly tandem: Flax showed me. I know how to save us. I know how to fly us back!”
Imura looked at him, wiped rain off her head, then withdrew beneath the leaf. “I don’t understand; what are you talking about?”
Ollo folded his wings and followed her. “This race, it’s not heeding any of the usual rules. It’s twisted and dangerous.”
“Of course,” Imura said. “She’s pushing us. This is the race where she’ll offer it.”
“Offer what?”
“The next reward: beyond Outside.”
The two bugs observed each other beneath the leaf, neither believing the other was there.
“But, you’re hurt,” Ollo pointed at her feeler. “And you’re wet. You don’t actually plan on continuing?”
“What? Ollo. We need to keep going.” Imura wiped her eyes in small circles. “Can’t you feel that? Her lights?”
A pinging re-emerged in Ollo. Tiny white dots, venturing out, urging them still further east. Their pull was faint now, but he knew that would soon change.
“I don’t think that matters,” Ollo said. “What’s important is that we’re alive. That’s why she wanted me to find you.”
“But Gharraph—he’s right.” Imura grazed Ollo’s wings, testing their pliancy. “A new prize awaits. Beyond Outside. What could that even be?”
Ollo thought back to the adulthood he envisioned: the simple life among unadulterated nature. The childhood myth. He came to a realization.
“I know what the prize is.”
“What?”
He tapped the moist bark beneath them, inhaled some of the fresh air. “It’s living here.”
“What?”
“Back in the pond I saw flashes, images of what I thought adulthood would be like. It’s supposed to be a return to living outside. Not just in glimpses, or races. But living here. A paradise unbound.”
Imura froze, she grabbed her one remaining feeler, wringing it as she thought. “By Mega’s light … you’re right.”
The tigertail began to pace, massaging her head. “We race to prove our best***.*** We’re proving we can live out here. That must be what comes next. Settling down in life beyond the dome!”
Her enthusiasm enlivened Ollo; it made his whole harrowing journey worthwhile. This is why they were meant to reunite. A mutual swoon. A harmony. And now, together, they could figure out the rest of their lives.
“You’re completely undamaged.” Imura held Ollo’s tail, wiping what little moisture still clung to it. “It’s a miracle you’ve made it this far. You know what I think?” She wiped a droplet off his antennae. Its receptors sent a warmth so soothing that Ollo’s legs nearly buckled. “I think it’s no coincidence the Envoy selected you, fresh-bodied and determined. You knew of our future first. You foresaw the prize.”
“I mean, maybe, but I don’t think I’m all that special ...”
“Of course you are!” She held him now, brought her eyes against his. Two worlds of ultra-wide vision overlapping. “When I was in the clouds,” Imura whispered, “I glimpsed her waiting. Do you understand? I glimpsed Meganeura.”
“What?”
“She’s close. Here, returned to us in physical form. Awaiting her champions. You must be among them.”
“Me? But what about you, what about—”
“I’ll be fine; I must recoup. It’s obvious that she’s placed me here, right now, so that I could convince you.”
She let go of Ollo, but even afterwards, he could still see her silhouette in his eyes, a beautiful after-image.
“Go.” Imura lifted the leaf, pointing outward. “Go up now; follow Gharraph with the others. Promise me you’ll obey the lights, and that you’ll reach her.”
Ollo looked at Imura through her own afterimage. He wanted to retract his theory, to wail against this decision. They couldn’t separate again, not after all the effort he’d put in. He wished he could remember an adage from the pond-lores, some statement to prove he should stay ...
“And tell her about the memory you had,” Imura said. “You’re one of the signifiers, Ollo; a key to the adulthood we’ve always deserved. By the glory of every rank I’ve ever earned, I thank you. You might just be the herald of a new age!”
***
The surveillance journey of the drones had gone from scarecrow, to an aerial sweep, to the cover of a pine tree. Now, they’d been sent off again to a road crossing. But instead of waiting, or gaining slight altitude, one particular green Dragondrone had the audacity to simply dodge traffic.
The car had been coming at him head-on. It seemed as though the bug was either going to become a bumper sticker or a windshield splat. Then, at the last possible moment, the camera-feed leapt up, and the blue of the Tesla’s roof whizzed by underneath. The little pilot turned, as if observing the car disappear and acknowledging the near-death encounter, and then continued flying as if nothing had happened.
Teresa watched this on repeat, studying the stabilization and frame rate, both of which were quite decent (considering the compression); but what really impressed her was the physical reaction time.
“I see you found him,” said Cesar, peering over Teresa’s shoulder.
“Found who?”
“Our strongest specimen.”
Cesar helped Teresa swap to the feed of a trailing drone that had witnessed the stunt. From a couple meters back, the large, green dragonfly played chicken, hovering at road-kill height. But as soon as the vehicle entered frame, he shot up in a flash, performing a quick spin at the end.
Teresa replayed the footage from this new angle on repeat, analyzing the movement—that is, until a clapping came from the mini fridge.
“Excellent!”
Diggs had been pouring the remains of the mead into the last two glasses, ensuring they were even. “I was hoping he’d show off!” The director squeezed between Cesar and Teresa, cheering as if this were some sporting event. “Amazing isn’t it? He’s an import from Tasmania, you know. Anax papuensis. An Australian Emperor. The species has been proving to be the preferred choice in our program. I’m so glad you got to see him flaunt!”
“Flaunt?” Teresa said, trying to understand how the term could apply.
“Yes, well, the Nootropic enhances their cognizance.” Diggs handed Teresa one of the glasses. “It makes them better flyers, but I’m starting to suspect it also adds a bit of personality. An edge, if you will. It’s what allows us to steer them into environments they would naturally avoid.”
Teresa gave her temples a small rub, trying to brush away her incredulity. A real drone certainly doesn’t come with any ‘Tasmanian reflexes.’ She took her drink and stood, giving her eyes a break by observing the valley.
“You know, Sergeant, I was thinking my proposal would consist of chiefly Australian emperors.” Diggs leaned back in his chair. “Your first Dragondrone squadron needs to be exceptional, don’t you think?”
It had taken him so long to start talking business, Teresa figured he had been saving it for once everything was over. “You’re talking about the package you’d offer me?”
He stood up, almost matching her height. “Yes. Just so you get a sense: I would offer you a starting fleet of say, two hundred pilots—seventy percent being Emperors—along with your own dronehangar. You would need one of our operators on site, of course, and I’d be happy to reserve one of our experienced interns. Cesar has been training a few.”
The assistant busied himself nearby, likely pretending to ignore their discussion. Teresa wasn’t sure what her answer was, anyway. As intriguing as some elements of the proposal were, at the end of the day, the technology still seemed too strange. Too ridiculous. But perhaps that’s how genius always germinates? From a seed of absurdity?
Then her phone rang. Its screen flashed with coordinates, indicating her incoming freedom. She stared at it, first for her own benefit, then as a double-take for Diggs. “You know what? I’m so sorry—I’ve been summoned, apparently. For a ‘Code R4.’
‘A code what?” Diggs asked.
“Arctic stuff. Immediate. Confidential. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to cut this demonstration short.”
The director settled his glass with a tiny frown. He turned to Cesar, who stared back, silently bemused. “Well, that’s too bad,” Diggs said. “I guess I should have prepared a contingency. There’s still another Gazebo I wanted to show you … some nocturnal capabilities you know nothing about …” he ran his fingers along the side of a monitor. The map indicated that they had reached marker ten out of thirty.
“I’m afraid duty calls.” Teresa gave him a wan smile. “We’ll have to reschedule for the rest.”
Diggs put a hand on Cesar and began whispering something quickly. They were rerouting map markers, cancelling dozens of icons.
Escape was definitely the right call, Teresa thought, and took a long sip of mead.
***
A new-found determination blossomed in Ollo, one born of finality and understanding**.** The sooner he met with The Ancestor, the sooner freedom would reach them all. And then he could exist with Imura as he had always wanted: in a paradise unbound*.*
He surged behind Gharraph and a dozen other dragons still willing to compete. He wasn’t all that fast of course, and lacked their days of dome-training, but Ollo had managed to decipher the code that enabled safe passage through the rain and obstacles. Trust Meganeura.
His latent realization had finally been brought to a head by Gharraph. The champion had impressed everyone as he defied a giant rolling beetle, screaming The Ancestor’s name. It was at that moment Ollo understood the power of devotion. An unconditional obedience to the Great Lady allowed racers to push forward and rank high. Follow her lights. Trust Meganeura.
As long as Ollo stuck as close as possible to the blinking white track, it felt as if he were truly invulnerable to any whim of The Outside. The race crossed several small fields, another flatworm of granite, and a copse of trees. At one point, it went over a roiling stream; its torrents of white foam reminded Ollo of the bubbles that diving beetles released when they had nothing else to lose. It had all been going remarkably well until Ollo reached the obstacle that had caught everyone else: a buffet of air too strong to overcome.
The elite dragonflies were being continually spat back. No one was able to beat the countervailing wind, which grew tenfold at the base of a knoll. Even the unstoppable Gharraph was being tossed backwards.
“We must hold the line!” The champion yelled. “Grab a stalk if you have to! We can’t fall back!”
Arriving late, Ollo avoided getting tousled and joined the rest as they dove into the grass, gripping the thickest sheathes available. The plants whipped viciously back and forth, forcing everyone to snap their wings down into tight folds.
How is the air so fierce?
The lights still pulsated and beckoned towards the knoll. She’s testing us now, more than ever, Ollo thought.
Then came the roaring: a dense, low, thunderous cry. Ollo swapped fearful looks with a ringtail. Neither of them knew what was coming.
It was the loudest sound Ollo had ever heard. As it neared, the wind began to wane. Ollo took a few breaths to relax his hold, trying to steal a glance at this loud thing—and that’s when the vortex seized him.
All four of his wings suddenly bent in the wrong direction, and his whole body spun out of control. His vision blurred, the only thing he could clearly see being the purple division of his scar. His body tumbled about, like he was being chewed and swallowed by billows of air. And then he saw something. A silhouette: a being. It was her.
His deity approached, drawing all the air towards her. The pull was inescapable. Ollo gazed up and beheld her empyrean presence.
She was a dragonfly, except colossal. Sleek, black, and large enough to swallow an Envoy whole. Ollo spotted Gharraph and at least two other elite racers all subjected to the same immense pull as he. No one could escape.
“We beseech thy ancient reverence!” the green emperor yelled, his own wings completely askew. “It is I, Gharraph, longest reigning champion there has been!”
Meganeura drew nearer and roared. From behind her, the sun fired a prism of ultraviolet rays.
“On behalf of my kin. I implore you. It is time. It is time we were awarded the next stage of our lives!”
Yes. Ollo wanted to shout. Break this cycle of racing. A life of forever Outside.
Their deity roared, ripping the air itself with the blur of her wings, shredding the droplets of rain that fell and surrounded them.
“We wish to roam new lands,” Gharraph continued, “to see what else there is.”
“That’s right!” Ollo added. “How it once must have been!”
The vortex had altogether ceased, creating a sense of utter tranquility. Instead of being pulled, Ollo’s body was allowed to float in a bubbly effervescence.
“We have passed thine divine trial,” Gharraph boomed, flexing his four, now-steady wings. “Offer us the final promise, O Great Meganeura! Usher in a new age!”
The green emperor flew close and bowed, showing deference to the almighty.
As he likewise approached, Ollo began to notice the strange appearance of Meganeura when seen up close. Her skin was matte, holding no shine. And her wings: they fluttered in a way that made no sense, as if spinning on one axis.
“O Great One from times beyond past. We’ve come now, to pay homage—” Gharraph was stuck by the Ancestor’s wing. His paltry form was cast into a thousand pieces across the luminous sky.
Ollo froze from shock. He watched as Meganeura’s massive black wings continued to chop the air, mincing everyone and everything. A new scar split his vision, dividing his world in two. Then it split him again. And again. And again. And again.
***
“A chopper?!”
Diggs’s mouth had lain open for almost a whole minute. He half-covered it with his hand. Then uncovered it. “That’s pretty neat.”
They had all stepped outside to observe the Black Hawk grow against the horizon, its propeller whirring louder and louder.
“Your facility here is actually not too far from our base in Whitehorse.” Teresa said. “There wasn’t a jet available, so they had to pick me up like this. I hope you won’t mind an improvised landing.”
Both men gawked at the sight. The chopper looked like it was emerging from the sunset, light appearing to melt around it.
“Land it anywhere,” Diggs said, his smile slowly fading. He began to whisper something, an angry something into his assistant, as if he were at fault. Cesar nodded, his blank look still unwavering.
Teresa watched the odonatologist walk dejectedly to the Gazebo and decided to try something.
“Director, what if I had a small counter-proposal?”
Diggs lit up immediately, “A counter-proposal?”
“What if”—Teresa glanced at her chopper, and then at Cesar walking off—“what if I took Cesar with me? For a kind of trial?”
“What do you mean?”
“It would be difficult to commit to a whole new fleet. But I think my Major would be open to a small selection. Cesar could come and demonstrate how your drones would operate around the arctic base.”
Diggs gave a her peculiar look, as if he were near-sighted. “I would have to think about it … Mr. Costales is crucial to our process here. I can’t have him missing for long.”
“Not long,” Teresa said. “Just a few days. All I would need is to demo a fraction of what you’ve shown me. We could potentially skip a whole year of bureaucracy and invest in a fleet sooner.”
Diggs gripped his chin. His eyes were questioning, almost leering, asking her one word: Why?
But Teresa couldn’t pin down exactly why. Perhaps it was that dead, defeated look on Cesar. A look that spoke of jaded hopes, long nights, and unwarranted exploitation. Maybe it was the mead, but Teresa had been struck with sympathy. If she could help someone else avoid the hell she went through during her early years, then maybe this whole charade could have a positive outcome after all.
“Well think about it anyway,” Teresa said. “I wouldn’t have to grab him now—”
“But if you did”—Diggs smiled again, his hands rummaging through his pockets—“it might heighten our chances of a complete investment?” The director produced a tablet and stylus.
“I’d be shuffling a lot of work here, so I’d have to cover Cesar’s absence. But I could offer him. At a premium.”
Teresa glanced at Diggs’ device; the man was not afraid to test military spending. His figure wasn’t far off from the cost of her summoning this evac. Should I just double down? Turn my escape into a rescue?
“That looks fine,” she eventually managed. “The major would be pleased.”
“Stupendous,” Diggs said quietly. He jotted a few more things to his device. “Let me find some documentation; give me a few moments.”
She turned away from the megalomaniac and ventured into the Gazebo. She found Cesar and explained what was being arranged.
“So … I’m going with you?” He only half-stood, his neck still mostly hunched over a screen.
“Yes.”
“Now?”
“Only if you’re able to.”
His eyes had a habit of getting stuck in one expression, and now it appeared to be shock. He fiddled with a screen, then beckoned Teresa over.
“Well, I mean, are you sure you want me now? It looks like your helicopter may have impacted some of our drones. I only have about twenty in operation that I could bring with us.”
“Twenty sounds plenty.”
“Okay ...” Cesar said, still having trouble meeting Teresa’s gaze. “You really think your boss would want this?”
Teresa offered a smile. “When he finds out I returned in a chopper with you, he’s going to be ecstatic.”
Or furious. But that’s fine with me.
***
Imura never did know what happened to end that fateful race, but whatever it was, it had worked. There truly was a reward beyond just racing Outside: it was racing Outside...of time and space.
She and all the survivors of the final trial had been transported across dimensions. They were ushered into divine chambers of pure metal, adorned with calming scents and sounds. They travelled to realms of fluffy, white rain and unparalleled vistas. They explored through the tropics, soared past forests, and flew above a vast, limitless stretch of pond with no lilies in sight.
It was admittedly a very strenuous lifestyle, one with as many dangers and mysteries as a dragon racer could expect. The Ancestor’s lights and Envoys were demanding, but it was nothing Imura’s clan couldn’t handle. Everyone agreed that this was a dragon’s proper existence, not the shameful depravity they had experienced in the dome.
Among Imura’s favorite new realms was the dry-world of sand. Here they had spent the last several days, exploring numerous tracks and following Envoys inside armored beetles. It was beneath the desert heat that she became a mother, a proud matriarch that reflected the spirit of Meganeura. Her children were as strong as she could have hoped for. Her offspring would all be little green emperors, mixed with tigertail stripes.
She laid her first batch in a pool warmed by the open sun, and pondered names. They had to be called something strong, of course, to tough out the new life of moving between worlds, but they also needed poise.
Although he was somewhat dotty, she had always liked the name of that red darner who had been so warmly precocious. He had such a strange vision, that one. Imura swirled her tail in the pond, remembering what he had said about an aimless adulthood outdoors. About life untamed. How unappealing it now sounded. Still, it was him, Gharraph, and the others who had met Meganeuara and brokered their future. Those lucky few could be in some even higher, more ethereal plane than me, she thought. Where could you be, Ollo? Somewhere of pure mirth?
Mirth. Now that's a pretty name.
Ripples formed across the pond as Imura’s tail swayed. The gentle movement dispersed her eggs throughout the pool, sinking them to all corners. She waited patiently to witness which of her children would first reach the surface, whether by accident or curiosity.
It all starts here: life’s earliest race.

I - II - III - IV
Ollo slipped through the low weeds, weaving around everything in sight.
He learned he could turn quite fast, so losing his pursuit was simple: the blue bee was no match for the constant, sharp swerves he made along every monolith edge.
The whole escape may have actually been fun, if Ollo hadn’t seen what happened to the other racers who get caught.
It was a clubtail, pleading for mercy as a dozen bees clipped his wings and bit off his antennae, that killed Ollo’s spirits. There was also a racer who’d been de-limbed. Bees airlifted his worm-like body, pinching if he resisted. That sight almost made Ollo crash.
He continued to swerve, focusing on maintaining speed. The Ancestor had softened her light-flares, which allowed Ollo to better take in his environs and track the distant brown form of Flax.
His guide was right about last place being advantageous: if they had been up with the main plume of racers, they’d be evading hundreds of bees instead of just one or two.
Ollo turned a corner of another set of pillars Flax had rounded moments ago. The brown damselfly zoomed past a patch of grass, sputtered for a moment, and then turned around, suddenly chased by a blue blur.
Oh no. Ollo slowed down.
He focused his eyes and deduced that Flax was flying backwards, trying to shake something off his front. As he approached, Ollo could make out the bee clinging to Flax’s eye, sinking its jaws deeper and deeper.
Oh no, no, no. Ollo didn’t think he could tackle a foe without harming himself. Should he go for its abdomen? It’s throat? He recalled his days in the pond, chasing beetles. How much simpler it was then. All he had to do was barrel forward and disorient them.
I guess that’s what I do now.
Colliding with the bee’s side made the insect vibrate. Before it could get away, Ollo sank in his mandibles, biting down until he felt the tips of his jaws meet through flesh. With a swift yank, Ollo ripped off two limbs and half a belly, causing the bee to freeze, choke, and let go of Flax’s face.
“Oh praise Meganeura!” The damselfly pulled free, bleeding from his eye. “I thought I was food!”
***
They were each into their second glass of mead. Diggs pointed at red numbers on-screen, which sporadically increased.
“You’ll notice we’ve lost a few drones in these hives, but a culling is necessary. We need only the tough to remain. If the military wants a fleet of drone-soldiers, we need to ensure they’re Navy SEALS. Right, Sergeant?”
Teresa sipped her mead. She had to admit, as ridiculous as this was, the dragonflies at least seemed capable of defending themselves. Considering that many conflict areas now had regular bouts of locust swarms and blackflies. Oh, how the world has changed.
Diggs then whispered something to Cesar and leaned against a monitor. “Now, this being a reconnaissance mission, Sergeant, I’d like to show you just how expertly our little guys can observe a target. You see that scarecrow over there?” He pointed out the windows at what looked like a strange tree in the distance. “Go ahead and watch that for a moment.”
***
Once they left the grid of monoliths*,* the lights in Ollo’s head began to spark. Magenta and pink created a ribbon to fly along, with bright blue hoops to soar through.
Flax and he resumed their tandem flight, cruising over patches of bushes, saplings, and increased foliage.
“I’ve flown three other races Ollie. Sometimes there’s an odd mosquito, maybe a horsefly or two, but never a ... bee horde.” Flax’s voice quivered. *“*Why would The Ancestor have us go through such a thing? That was too cruel. Something feels wrong.”
Ollo couldn’t speak from any previous experience, but he agreed that it felt like a violation. He continued combing his vision grid, until he finally spotted dragonflies ahead.
The neon colors brought them both to where everyone else had reached, forming a perfect loop of remaining racers around a frozen envoy.
“Well, it looks like we’re still in last,” Flax said. “But why another circuit? Seems very strange.”
The Ancestor’s lights forced them into the centrifuge, looping a motionless (dead?) Envoy that stood on one foot. No matter what rank you were earlier, everyone broke even here.
“Is this normal?” Ollo asked.
“Not during a race.”
“Should we … try and break out?”
“We have to obey her lights.”
They stayed tandem in this slow-moving circle, flying behind a tattered-looking narrow-wing. Ollo got a clear view of the other racers, and could see that many were now missing limbs or parts of their wings. He may have been one of the lucky unscathed.
The signet on his back then started to heat up, making brief, delicate clicking sounds. Is it a sign? Does the Ancestor want me to notice something?
***
The photographs were clear and admirably hi-res. Teresa was impressed that so little was obstructed by the dragonflies' own wings.
“Imagine wanting to get a picture of a target,” Diggs began, “but he’s being held in a cell, with window slots too tiny for a human hand to get through. Or*,* maybe he’s being moved, protected by countless guards, each on the lookout for cameras or spies. Well, the solution to both scenarios is sending a tiny, inconspicuous dragonfly.”
The screens were tuned to display various angles of the scarecrow. A hay torso. A beekeeper mask. Wooden stake arms.
“Naturally, you couldn’t send a swarm like we have now into a more intimate operation,” Diggs said, “but you could send clusters, break them off into groups, and have them follow multiple suspects. That sort of thing.”
Teresa nodded along, and decided she wanted to see them enact a request of her own. “Can they take aerials?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Bird’s-eye views. Sometimes our satellites can’t penetrate cloud cover.”
“But of course.”
***
Ollo realized what the Ancestor’s clicking meant. She wants me to seek my companion. I’m supposed to find Imura.
His incredible eyes searched for those familiar black-and-yellow stripes. He was very good at discerning nearby kin, spotting pondsitters, a duskhawker, and various types of reedling. But a tigertail was nowhere to be seen.
Instead of stripes, Ollo soon winced to see crimson and violet strings that beckoned upward. Lady Meganeura’s lights had returned, growing brighter by the moment.
“Are you feeling that?” Flax slowed their momentum.
“Yes,” Ollo said, “we need to rise.”
They engaged their wings and fluttered upwards, following the threads of purple and red. The racers around them did likewise, and as a group, the insects formed an imperfect halo of shifting wings, ascending far higher than the glass dome would ever have allowed.
Soon it became cold. Harsh winds buffeted Ollo and Flax. With each rise in elevation, the air grew emptier, sharper. The damselfly shivered. “Where could she p-p-possibly be taking us? And why?”
There was nothing above, save for a deeply-hazed sun and ragged clouds. When the race reached a height where no one could refuse shivering, the lights finally faded.
For a moment, all the racers stared at each other, observing this hazy troposphere, horrified at how far below the earth that stared back was. If anyone were to stop their hovering counter-strokes, a simple breeze could spell the end.
Then Ollo’s signet began to heat up, making the same delicate clicking as before. I need to find Imura.
He tapped his partner’s tail. “Flax, we’ve got to move. I think The Ancestor’s giving me a sign.”
“A sign?” Flax wheezed. “Keghhh. Heghhh. Ollie, I don’t trust any signs right now. I’m telling you, something about this is really off.”
But Ollo searched anyway, scanning for those stripes. He slowly let go of Flax’s tail. “If you won’t come with me, I’ll go myself.”
“Are you deranged—you want to travel alone?”
A cloud form encroached with menacing slowness, whispering of icy chills. Below it, the lights re-emerged as spikes of cyan and jade. But they weren’t directing downwards, back to safety like everyone hoped; instead, they urged them to the east, along a long, horizontal track across the grey sky.
“Oh Lady Mega...” Flax’s shivering briefly stopped. “She wants us to race at this altitude?”
Despite his complaint, the majority of racers had already taken off, slowly following the lights against the clouds and turbulence.
Ollo let go of Flax. “Are you not going?”
“No, I’m not going!” Flax said, shivering again. “If disobeying lights is going to p-p-pop me, then so shall I pop, but I’m not flying out there to die in a broken race any longer! You’d be an even bigger dullard to try.”
A frigid draft briefly seized Ollo’s muscles. He shook them awake.
“These obstacles are cruel,” Flax continued. “Look at these fools, breaking their wings. And for what, Ollo? Come back down. Save yourself.”
Ollo inspected the race ahead, hoping to agree, but then he spotted them. Those black and yellow stripes. They were diving just ahead between hoops of cyan.
He took off alone. Flax yelled something, trying to turn him back. But he couldn’t, not when Imura was so close.
***
The aerial views were equally impressive. Dragondrones could be commanded to take long, sweeping scans of the geography below, and unlike satellites, they could penetrate cloud cover.
Teresa swiped between the photos, getting a full lay of the land. She paused on the hexagonal roof of their gazebo; next to it stood the cheery form of Diggs, halfway through his second cigarette.
“Like what you see?” Diggs asked, stubbing his ash outside.
Teresa continued swiping. “It’s nice that there’s a large fleet; guarantees decent coverage.”
“It does! And the pilots are so cheap to reproduce! Hundreds of eggs from a single mating, each one containing a design that’s been refined over three hundred million years. Where else can you find a deal like that?” Only by gaming nature, Teresa supposed.
The screens all began to flash with a cloud icon in the upper right.
“Rain incoming,” Cesar mumbled.
Diggs glanced at the screens, and his smile widened even further. He stretched a hand outside the Gazebo, twiddling his fingers. “Looks like we’ll get a firsthand glimpse of weather hazards.”
“Is that a problem?” Teresa asked.
“Oh my, no. But bear in mind, under extreme weather conditions we’re bound to lose a couple,” Diggs said. “That’s why we send so many. The beauty of dragonflies is that they’ll take care of themselves. They’re able to hide and recoup their energy. Real drones would be out of luck in the field.”
Teresa considered this. He’s not wrong.
“Now, you might think it impossible for an airborne creature to avoid such a wet sky, but insects are different. Their tiny brains dilate time. A speeding water droplet to you is just a slow, avoidable drip to them.”
***
Ollo’s whole body trembled with fear. He tracked as many liquid meteors as he could. Other racers nearby began to break off from the Ancestor’s lights, returning to a more comfortable height, but Ollo refused to give up. He wanted to see the track through the clouds to the end—the mission was his own now.
He navigated the downpour, following the jade thread as it zigged and zagged. Further ahead, a faint tigertail pattern descended gradually.
The course goes down. That’s a relief.
Then a droplet smacked Ollo’s blindspot: his eye scar. It felt like a wet reckoning. His vision flashed. Epilepsy. Oh no, no, no, no.
He spiralled down, spinning like a whirligig. Jade and cyan flared through his mind. Ollo saw the earth rise towards him in bursts, like the bottom of the pond. For a moment it felt like he was diving. Swimming. Paddling.
No. Stay sharp. Must stay sharp.
He shook as he plummeted, shedding as much water as possible, and did his best to avoid more rain. Ollo prayed to The Ancestor. Begged. And with a sudden glint, her blinding lights abated. Ollo’s senses returned.
He alternated his wings, fore and aft as Flax had shown him, and by some miracle, the wind contoured his flight, levelling him out—but just barely.
There came a crash, and sharp things thrust their way into his space: pinecones and needles. Instinctually, Ollo thrust his legs out and cushioned against impact. His face smacked a tree.
Moments passed. Lifetimes.
Ollo wheezed and groaned, feeling his voice echo around him. Only it wasn’t an echo. The whole stream of remaining racers were now here, using this pine tree as shelter. They were coughing, shuddering, and fighting for space on the wood.
Ollo wiped his eyes, shocked to see he was still among the competitors. He looked around to orient himself, trying to spot a familiar form. The first he encountered was Gharraph.
“YES!” the green emperor howled. “Finally!”
The power of his voice came with an aftershock. Ollo watched him move along a pine branch, needles snapping beneath his wings. “Deliverance draws near! This is it, my fellow dragons—the race we’ve been waiting for!”
A couple racers rallied in coughs and shouts, supporting this sudden zeal.
“The Ancestor has been testing us, and the moment has come where we reach her final light.”
More shouts. The remaining morale seemed eager. Ollo gazed down among the cries, having heard a familiar pitch. He crawled past others until he reached a scant little broadleaf by the pine’s roots. There he saw them. The black and yellow stripes.
“Glory to The Ancestor! Her greatest race yet!” Imura lay half-obscured by the leaf, echoing Gharraph’s call.
Ollo tentatively approached, appreciating the richness of her colors. Excitement boiled away all his weariness; it felt as if he were molting. Eventually, his mandibles managed to align words. “Imura. Are you … all right?”
Her wings were sopping. One antenna was apparently gone. “Who is that? Ollo?”
There was no use containing himself. “Oh, thank Mega! You’re alive! You’re okay! This is good! This is so good!”
She stared at him, jaws agape. “How are you here? Shouldn’t you be back—”
“I was chosen! An Envoy chose me! I was destined to compete. To find you. To make sure you’re safe.” Ollo spoke faster than he could think. “I learned to fly tandem: Flax showed me. I know how to save us. I know how to fly us back!”
Imura looked at him, wiped rain off her head, then withdrew beneath the leaf. “I don’t understand; what are you talking about?”
Ollo folded his wings and followed her. “This race, it’s not heeding any of the usual rules. It’s twisted and dangerous.”
“Of course,” Imura said. “She’s pushing us. This is the race where she’ll offer it.”
“Offer what?”
“The next reward: beyond Outside.”
The two bugs observed each other beneath the leaf, neither believing the other was there.
“But, you’re hurt,” Ollo pointed at her feeler. “And you’re wet. You don’t actually plan on continuing?”
“What? Ollo. We need to keep going.” Imura wiped her eyes in small circles. “Can’t you feel that? Her lights?”
A pinging re-emerged in Ollo. Tiny white dots, venturing out, urging them still further east. Their pull was faint now, but he knew that would soon change.
“I don’t think that matters,” Ollo said. “What’s important is that we’re alive. That’s why she wanted me to find you.”
“But Gharraph—he’s right.” Imura grazed Ollo’s wings, testing their pliancy. “A new prize awaits. Beyond Outside. What could that even be?”
Ollo thought back to the adulthood he envisioned: the simple life among unadulterated nature. The childhood myth. He came to a realization.
“I know what the prize is.”
“What?”
He tapped the moist bark beneath them, inhaled some of the fresh air. “It’s living here.”
“What?”
“Back in the pond I saw flashes, images of what I thought adulthood would be like. It’s supposed to be a return to living outside. Not just in glimpses, or races. But living here. A paradise unbound.”
Imura froze, she grabbed her one remaining feeler, wringing it as she thought. “By Mega’s light … you’re right.”
The tigertail began to pace, massaging her head. “We race to prove our best***.*** We’re proving we can live out here. That must be what comes next. Settling down in life beyond the dome!”
Her enthusiasm enlivened Ollo; it made his whole harrowing journey worthwhile. This is why they were meant to reunite. A mutual swoon. A harmony. And now, together, they could figure out the rest of their lives.
“You’re completely undamaged.” Imura held Ollo’s tail, wiping what little moisture still clung to it. “It’s a miracle you’ve made it this far. You know what I think?” She wiped a droplet off his antennae. Its receptors sent a warmth so soothing that Ollo’s legs nearly buckled. “I think it’s no coincidence the Envoy selected you, fresh-bodied and determined. You knew of our future first. You foresaw the prize.”
“I mean, maybe, but I don’t think I’m all that special ...”
“Of course you are!” She held him now, brought her eyes against his. Two worlds of ultra-wide vision overlapping. “When I was in the clouds,” Imura whispered, “I glimpsed her waiting. Do you understand? I glimpsed Meganeura.”
“What?”
“She’s close. Here, returned to us in physical form. Awaiting her champions. You must be among them.”
“Me? But what about you, what about—”
“I’ll be fine; I must recoup. It’s obvious that she’s placed me here, right now, so that I could convince you.”
She let go of Ollo, but even afterwards, he could still see her silhouette in his eyes, a beautiful after-image.
“Go.” Imura lifted the leaf, pointing outward. “Go up now; follow Gharraph with the others. Promise me you’ll obey the lights, and that you’ll reach her.”
Ollo looked at Imura through her own afterimage. He wanted to retract his theory, to wail against this decision. They couldn’t separate again, not after all the effort he’d put in. He wished he could remember an adage from the pond-lores, some statement to prove he should stay ...
“And tell her about the memory you had,” Imura said. “You’re one of the signifiers, Ollo; a key to the adulthood we’ve always deserved. By the glory of every rank I’ve ever earned, I thank you. You might just be the herald of a new age!”
***
The surveillance journey of the drones had gone from scarecrow, to an aerial sweep, to the cover of a pine tree. Now, they’d been sent off again to a road crossing. But instead of waiting, or gaining slight altitude, one particular green Dragondrone had the audacity to simply dodge traffic.
The car had been coming at him head-on. It seemed as though the bug was either going to become a bumper sticker or a windshield splat. Then, at the last possible moment, the camera-feed leapt up, and the blue of the Tesla’s roof whizzed by underneath. The little pilot turned, as if observing the car disappear and acknowledging the near-death encounter, and then continued flying as if nothing had happened.
Teresa watched this on repeat, studying the stabilization and frame rate, both of which were quite decent (considering the compression); but what really impressed her was the physical reaction time.
“I see you found him,” said Cesar, peering over Teresa’s shoulder.
“Found who?”
“Our strongest specimen.”
Cesar helped Teresa swap to the feed of a trailing drone that had witnessed the stunt. From a couple meters back, the large, green dragonfly played chicken, hovering at road-kill height. But as soon as the vehicle entered frame, he shot up in a flash, performing a quick spin at the end.
Teresa replayed the footage from this new angle on repeat, analyzing the movement—that is, until a clapping came from the mini fridge.
“Excellent!”
Diggs had been pouring the remains of the mead into the last two glasses, ensuring they were even. “I was hoping he’d show off!” The director squeezed between Cesar and Teresa, cheering as if this were some sporting event. “Amazing isn’t it? He’s an import from Tasmania, you know. Anax papuensis. An Australian Emperor. The species has been proving to be the preferred choice in our program. I’m so glad you got to see him flaunt!”
“Flaunt?” Teresa said, trying to understand how the term could apply.
“Yes, well, the Nootropic enhances their cognizance.” Diggs handed Teresa one of the glasses. “It makes them better flyers, but I’m starting to suspect it also adds a bit of personality. An edge, if you will. It’s what allows us to steer them into environments they would naturally avoid.”
Teresa gave her temples a small rub, trying to brush away her incredulity. A real drone certainly doesn’t come with any ‘Tasmanian reflexes.’ She took her drink and stood, giving her eyes a break by observing the valley.
“You know, Sergeant, I was thinking my proposal would consist of chiefly Australian emperors.” Diggs leaned back in his chair. “Your first Dragondrone squadron needs to be exceptional, don’t you think?”
It had taken him so long to start talking business, Teresa figured he had been saving it for once everything was over. “You’re talking about the package you’d offer me?”
He stood up, almost matching her height. “Yes. Just so you get a sense: I would offer you a starting fleet of say, two hundred pilots—seventy percent being Emperors—along with your own dronehangar. You would need one of our operators on site, of course, and I’d be happy to reserve one of our experienced interns. Cesar has been training a few.”
The assistant busied himself nearby, likely pretending to ignore their discussion. Teresa wasn’t sure what her answer was, anyway. As intriguing as some elements of the proposal were, at the end of the day, the technology still seemed too strange. Too ridiculous. But perhaps that’s how genius always germinates? From a seed of absurdity?
Then her phone rang. Its screen flashed with coordinates, indicating her incoming freedom. She stared at it, first for her own benefit, then as a double-take for Diggs. “You know what? I’m so sorry—I’ve been summoned, apparently. For a ‘Code R4.’
‘A code what?” Diggs asked.
“Arctic stuff. Immediate. Confidential. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to cut this demonstration short.”
The director settled his glass with a tiny frown. He turned to Cesar, who stared back, silently bemused. “Well, that’s too bad,” Diggs said. “I guess I should have prepared a contingency. There’s still another Gazebo I wanted to show you … some nocturnal capabilities you know nothing about …” he ran his fingers along the side of a monitor. The map indicated that they had reached marker ten out of thirty.
“I’m afraid duty calls.” Teresa gave him a wan smile. “We’ll have to reschedule for the rest.”
Diggs put a hand on Cesar and began whispering something quickly. They were rerouting map markers, cancelling dozens of icons.
Escape was definitely the right call, Teresa thought, and took a long sip of mead.
***
A new-found determination blossomed in Ollo, one born of finality and understanding**.** The sooner he met with The Ancestor, the sooner freedom would reach them all. And then he could exist with Imura as he had always wanted: in a paradise unbound*.*
He surged behind Gharraph and a dozen other dragons still willing to compete. He wasn’t all that fast of course, and lacked their days of dome-training, but Ollo had managed to decipher the code that enabled safe passage through the rain and obstacles. Trust Meganeura.
His latent realization had finally been brought to a head by Gharraph. The champion had impressed everyone as he defied a giant rolling beetle, screaming The Ancestor’s name. It was at that moment Ollo understood the power of devotion. An unconditional obedience to the Great Lady allowed racers to push forward and rank high. Follow her lights. Trust Meganeura.
As long as Ollo stuck as close as possible to the blinking white track, it felt as if he were truly invulnerable to any whim of The Outside. The race crossed several small fields, another flatworm of granite, and a copse of trees. At one point, it went over a roiling stream; its torrents of white foam reminded Ollo of the bubbles that diving beetles released when they had nothing else to lose. It had all been going remarkably well until Ollo reached the obstacle that had caught everyone else: a buffet of air too strong to overcome.
The elite dragonflies were being continually spat back. No one was able to beat the countervailing wind, which grew tenfold at the base of a knoll. Even the unstoppable Gharraph was being tossed backwards.
“We must hold the line!” The champion yelled. “Grab a stalk if you have to! We can’t fall back!”
Arriving late, Ollo avoided getting tousled and joined the rest as they dove into the grass, gripping the thickest sheathes available. The plants whipped viciously back and forth, forcing everyone to snap their wings down into tight folds.
How is the air so fierce?
The lights still pulsated and beckoned towards the knoll. She’s testing us now, more than ever, Ollo thought.
Then came the roaring: a dense, low, thunderous cry. Ollo swapped fearful looks with a ringtail. Neither of them knew what was coming.
It was the loudest sound Ollo had ever heard. As it neared, the wind began to wane. Ollo took a few breaths to relax his hold, trying to steal a glance at this loud thing—and that’s when the vortex seized him.
All four of his wings suddenly bent in the wrong direction, and his whole body spun out of control. His vision blurred, the only thing he could clearly see being the purple division of his scar. His body tumbled about, like he was being chewed and swallowed by billows of air. And then he saw something. A silhouette: a being. It was her.
His deity approached, drawing all the air towards her. The pull was inescapable. Ollo gazed up and beheld her empyrean presence.
She was a dragonfly, except colossal. Sleek, black, and large enough to swallow an Envoy whole. Ollo spotted Gharraph and at least two other elite racers all subjected to the same immense pull as he. No one could escape.
“We beseech thy ancient reverence!” the green emperor yelled, his own wings completely askew. “It is I, Gharraph, longest reigning champion there has been!”
Meganeura drew nearer and roared. From behind her, the sun fired a prism of ultraviolet rays.
“On behalf of my kin. I implore you. It is time. It is time we were awarded the next stage of our lives!”
Yes. Ollo wanted to shout. Break this cycle of racing. A life of forever Outside.
Their deity roared, ripping the air itself with the blur of her wings, shredding the droplets of rain that fell and surrounded them.
“We wish to roam new lands,” Gharraph continued, “to see what else there is.”
“That’s right!” Ollo added. “How it once must have been!”
The vortex had altogether ceased, creating a sense of utter tranquility. Instead of being pulled, Ollo’s body was allowed to float in a bubbly effervescence.
“We have passed thine divine trial,” Gharraph boomed, flexing his four, now-steady wings. “Offer us the final promise, O Great Meganeura! Usher in a new age!”
The green emperor flew close and bowed, showing deference to the almighty.
As he likewise approached, Ollo began to notice the strange appearance of Meganeura when seen up close. Her skin was matte, holding no shine. And her wings: they fluttered in a way that made no sense, as if spinning on one axis.
“O Great One from times beyond past. We’ve come now, to pay homage—” Gharraph was stuck by the Ancestor’s wing. His paltry form was cast into a thousand pieces across the luminous sky.
Ollo froze from shock. He watched as Meganeura’s massive black wings continued to chop the air, mincing everyone and everything. A new scar split his vision, dividing his world in two. Then it split him again. And again. And again. And again.
***
“A chopper?!”
Diggs’s mouth had lain open for almost a whole minute. He half-covered it with his hand. Then uncovered it. “That’s pretty neat.”
They had all stepped outside to observe the Black Hawk grow against the horizon, its propeller whirring louder and louder.
“Your facility here is actually not too far from our base in Whitehorse.” Teresa said. “There wasn’t a jet available, so they had to pick me up like this. I hope you won’t mind an improvised landing.”
Both men gawked at the sight. The chopper looked like it was emerging from the sunset, light appearing to melt around it.
“Land it anywhere,” Diggs said, his smile slowly fading. He began to whisper something, an angry something into his assistant, as if he were at fault. Cesar nodded, his blank look still unwavering.
Teresa watched the odonatologist walk dejectedly to the Gazebo and decided to try something.
“Director, what if I had a small counter-proposal?”
Diggs lit up immediately, “A counter-proposal?”
“What if”—Teresa glanced at her chopper, and then at Cesar walking off—“what if I took Cesar with me? For a kind of trial?”
“What do you mean?”
“It would be difficult to commit to a whole new fleet. But I think my Major would be open to a small selection. Cesar could come and demonstrate how your drones would operate around the arctic base.”
Diggs gave a her peculiar look, as if he were near-sighted. “I would have to think about it … Mr. Costales is crucial to our process here. I can’t have him missing for long.”
“Not long,” Teresa said. “Just a few days. All I would need is to demo a fraction of what you’ve shown me. We could potentially skip a whole year of bureaucracy and invest in a fleet sooner.”
Diggs gripped his chin. His eyes were questioning, almost leering, asking her one word: Why?
But Teresa couldn’t pin down exactly why. Perhaps it was that dead, defeated look on Cesar. A look that spoke of jaded hopes, long nights, and unwarranted exploitation. Maybe it was the mead, but Teresa had been struck with sympathy. If she could help someone else avoid the hell she went through during her early years, then maybe this whole charade could have a positive outcome after all.
“Well think about it anyway,” Teresa said. “I wouldn’t have to grab him now—”
“But if you did”—Diggs smiled again, his hands rummaging through his pockets—“it might heighten our chances of a complete investment?” The director produced a tablet and stylus.
“I’d be shuffling a lot of work here, so I’d have to cover Cesar’s absence. But I could offer him. At a premium.”
Teresa glanced at Diggs’ device; the man was not afraid to test military spending. His figure wasn’t far off from the cost of her summoning this evac. Should I just double down? Turn my escape into a rescue?
“That looks fine,” she eventually managed. “The major would be pleased.”
“Stupendous,” Diggs said quietly. He jotted a few more things to his device. “Let me find some documentation; give me a few moments.”
She turned away from the megalomaniac and ventured into the Gazebo. She found Cesar and explained what was being arranged.
“So … I’m going with you?” He only half-stood, his neck still mostly hunched over a screen.
“Yes.”
“Now?”
“Only if you’re able to.”
His eyes had a habit of getting stuck in one expression, and now it appeared to be shock. He fiddled with a screen, then beckoned Teresa over.
“Well, I mean, are you sure you want me now? It looks like your helicopter may have impacted some of our drones. I only have about twenty in operation that I could bring with us.”
“Twenty sounds plenty.”
“Okay ...” Cesar said, still having trouble meeting Teresa’s gaze. “You really think your boss would want this?”
Teresa offered a smile. “When he finds out I returned in a chopper with you, he’s going to be ecstatic.”
Or furious. But that’s fine with me.
***
Imura never did know what happened to end that fateful race, but whatever it was, it had worked. There truly was a reward beyond just racing Outside: it was racing Outside...of time and space.
She and all the survivors of the final trial had been transported across dimensions. They were ushered into divine chambers of pure metal, adorned with calming scents and sounds. They travelled to realms of fluffy, white rain and unparalleled vistas. They explored through the tropics, soared past forests, and flew above a vast, limitless stretch of pond with no lilies in sight.
It was admittedly a very strenuous lifestyle, one with as many dangers and mysteries as a dragon racer could expect. The Ancestor’s lights and Envoys were demanding, but it was nothing Imura’s clan couldn’t handle. Everyone agreed that this was a dragon’s proper existence, not the shameful depravity they had experienced in the dome.
Among Imura’s favorite new realms was the dry-world of sand. Here they had spent the last several days, exploring numerous tracks and following Envoys inside armored beetles. It was beneath the desert heat that she became a mother, a proud matriarch that reflected the spirit of Meganeura. Her children were as strong as she could have hoped for. Her offspring would all be little green emperors, mixed with tigertail stripes.
She laid her first batch in a pool warmed by the open sun, and pondered names. They had to be called something strong, of course, to tough out the new life of moving between worlds, but they also needed poise.
Although he was somewhat dotty, she had always liked the name of that red darner who had been so warmly precocious. He had such a strange vision, that one. Imura swirled her tail in the pond, remembering what he had said about an aimless adulthood outdoors. About life untamed. How unappealing it now sounded. Still, it was him, Gharraph, and the others who had met Meganeuara and brokered their future. Those lucky few could be in some even higher, more ethereal plane than me, she thought. Where could you be, Ollo? Somewhere of pure mirth?
Mirth. Now that's a pretty name.
Ripples formed across the pond as Imura’s tail swayed. The gentle movement dispersed her eggs throughout the pool, sinking them to all corners. She waited patiently to witness which of her children would first reach the surface, whether by accident or curiosity.
It all starts here: life’s earliest race.

—
When I woke up the next day I felt much better, but I slept longer than usual. I quickly took a shower, made myself something to eat, and chatted with my friends for an hour before work.
I took a few minutes to check what was posted on the xenophile thread from yesterday. The viper kept answering questions for an hour after I left, and one stood out to me.
There was no picture with the post, but the text was: "How was adjusting to civilian life for you?"
She posted a picture of a cartoon viper looking sad, with the text: "It was difficult, even after completing the rehabilitation program and getting approval from the city government, few humans trust us. Even those of us that serve Xcom and in other governments as combat units, who prove their loyalty time and time again are only permitted to out of necessity. I feel most would prefer it if we were all just kept in prison. I'm not saying that isn't for a good reason, but it makes it hard to live a normal-ish life. Not that most of us are into the idea of living a normal life, but I have faith that the next generation will adjust better than we did.
TLDR: the government helps us along, but most people aren't ready to forgive us. We manage as everyone else does.
As weird as this thread is, (lol, no offense) it makes me happy to know that some humans actually like us."
It was interesting to see how self-aware she was. As much as I liked vipers, there was a good reason most people didn't. It was the same reason they didn't like any aliens: Advent. The wounds from that were still fresh and they would take time to heal. I couldn't spend more time pondering this because I had to leave for work. As I left and turned the key to lock the door, I remembered to grab my sunglasses and darted back inside to grab them.
The walk to work was like yesterday, chilly, low traffic. I was greeted by Mark when I went inside McDougalls.
He was on a footstool, pouring the ice cream mix into the shake machine from a big plastic bag, and turned to look when I came in. "Hello Vincent, how did you sleep?" He looked way more tired than I felt.
"I slept fine, bout as good as I usually do. How are you doing?"
He smiled and shrugged. "Oh you know, living the dream." The bag he was pouring became empty, so he stepped down and closed the top of the shake machine. "Sorry I wasn't here last night to introduce you to the crew, but Ash told me you were great and learned a new job quickly."
I rarely got praise for anything, so that felt kinda nice. "Yea, I'm quick on my feet."
He nodded. "Keep up the good work."
"I do what I can. So, - what were you doing last night, anyway? If you don't mind me askin."
There was mild surprise in his eyes when I asked and he looked away. "I had some personal business to take care of." He looked back at me. "Nothing too exciting."
Ash walked out of the kitchen and over to the computer to clock back in. "I'm back from my break."
Mark looked happy to move on from our conversation. "Perfect timing Ash, Vincent just came in. I'm going to do some work in my office, if it gets busy for you guys out here, let me know and I'll help."
Ash gestured to him with a finger gun. "You got it."
With that, Mark went into his office and I took my spot at the fry station. Tay was cooking stuff on the grill, and I could hear Carlos washing dishes in the back.
It was almost completely dead when I came in and then at the drop of a hat 18 people showed up at once. In my time working here that's what it was always like. Rarely did two or three people trickle in here or there. It was always either no one or the whole fuckin neighborhood; like everyone was deciding to get eats all at the same time. Bullshit is what it was, but the busy times always went fast, and then we were back to doing nothing. Tay wasn't much for conversation, she communicated through grunts and groans whenever she could get away with it. It was different than when she was training me, but I guess since she didn't need to talk to me anymore she decided to be silent.
The first words I heard out of her that night were. "I'm going on my break, Ash."
He did a peace sign gesture with his hand and said. "Alright, enjoy it, but not too much."
She grunted in response and slithered out the back door.
McDougalls was empty at this point, so I crouched down and took some time to wipe up the fry station.
Ash saw me doing that and looked confused. "What are you doing?"
I shrugged. "Uh, you know, cleaning up."
He chuckled. "No, dude, no. You're trying to look busy. You're on night shift now, you don't gotta do that shit. I'm not gonna snitch and neither would Tay."
I stood up, and as I did, my knees creaked. "No shit? That's cool."
"He gestured to the empty room. One of the benefits of being on nights: low supervision."
We made small talk for a bit, and I decided to ask Ash about Tay since he's been a total bro and she wasn't present at the moment. "So, what do you know about Tay?"
He looked at me weird. "Tay? Like, what do you mean?"
I lowered my voice. "I mean, you know, about stuff she's done. You know, like, bad stuff."
He shrugged what I said off. "Oh that, yeah those guys on day shift like to gossip a lot."
That was surprising. "Wait, so they were lying?"
"Yes, - well, uh. I don't know, dude, what'd they tell you about?" He thought for a moment. "Let me guess, they told you she does drugs and is involved with certain people."
What? "I— actually I haven't heard that. She does drugs?"
He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Oh, uh, no she doesn't. Not unless you count weed. She smokes weed, and cigarettes, but not anything dangerous, like meth."
I raised an eyebrow. "Weed huh, could be worse. If it's just that, why do you look so nervous."
He put his hands up. "Look dude, there's plenty of rumors, I am not trying to add to them." He sighed. "So, what did you hear then?"
"That she was a guard at an Advent blacksite."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I've heard that too."
"Yea, so, is it true?"
He shrugged. "Honestly, I don't have a clue, dude. She doesn't talk about her personal life at all, big surprise, much less about her past. Though I'll say, even if she was a blacksite guard, you don't have to worry. Believe me, if she was going to kill someone she would've done it a long time ago. You thought she was mad yesterday, tsk, that just scratches the surface of what I've seen out of her. Think about it this way, she does anything off-color to catch the attention of the authorities, they're gonna throw her right back into a detention center."
"Look, I don't wanna sound like an asshole, but I can't say she's got much to lose. Workin here ain't exactly a primo position."
He raised his eyebrows. "Dude, don't worry so much. She doesn't hate you any more than anyone else. She distributes her anger evenly."
"Why is she so angry all the time?"
He scoffed at my question. "Why don't you ask her yourself, dude. I just work with her, I don't know anything about her."
"Fuck it, maybe I will."
"Be careful, start asking her questions like that and she might single you out. But whatever, I don't like talking about her behind her back. Let's get back to my Rebuilding Civilization game."
"Ok."
"So, there I was minding my own business and then the Nigerians declared war on me for no reason. They send siege equipment over, with no supporting troops, and I destroy it, then I take one of their cities in retaliation, and suddenly I'm the bad guy. I swear the AI all conspire against you in single player…"
Tay came back from her break and we kept working. Mark left before a quarter of my shift was over and said goodbye to us. It wasn't long after he left that customers poured in. We dealt with it as best as we could and got people their food. After that rush died down, I saw something I never expected to see: Ray, Dan, and Josh walking into Mcdougalls. Josh was the shortest, with a wide head. He had on black-rimmed glasses and a baseball cap with a leaf pattern on it covering up his short dark brown hair. Ray, the one flanking right, was taller than the other two, and thinner, but he had surprisingly broad shoulders. His head was taller and had a ginger-colored thick mane of unkempt hair on top of it. Dan, the one in the middle, was closer to my height, trimmed brown hair sat orderly on his round head, and his thin pointy nose sliced the air as he looked between Ray Josh and I. Dan. They were all wearing sweaters and shit-eating grins.
My energy had been on a downturn, but their appearance perked me right up. "Holy shit guys, what the hell are you doing here?"
Ray walked right up to the counter and leaned on it with his elbows, completely ignoring Ash. "Well, we were in the neighborhood, figured we'd come over and get a bite."
Dan spoke next. "Personally I'm just here to say hi, but I might as well get some food."
Josh spoke last. "I saw these two guys walking around town, so I just followed them here."
I laughed. "Let me be the first to welcome you to our humble eatery." I bowed. "Welcome to McDougalls!"
All the noise we were making attracted the attention of Tay from the kitchen, but she only observed silently. Ash spoke next. "So these are your friends, I take it?"
Ray switched his attention to him. "Yeah, we are V-I-P-Sss, and we expect to be treated as such! With the full courtesy of an employee discount."
I rolled my eyes and prepared to turn him down, but Ash responded before I did. "Sure, you guys ordering separately, or all together?"
Ray looked shocked. "Damn Vince, your coworker is way cooler than you. We'll have to come here more often.
"Sure, again, just make sure to come when it's not busy," Ash said.
I nodded in agreement. "Yea, we can't shoot the shit if there's people around."
Josh was looking around while Ray ordered. "Nice place you got here, so you're the fry cook, Vince?"
"Sure am, vro."
"If you fuck up my fries, I'm gonna give you shit until the end of time."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Once Ray finished ordering, he waited off to the side while Dan and Josh ordered. I saw him staring at Tay the whole time, I could almost see the gears inside his head turning as he thought of what to say to her. I mouthed the words "do not" to him, but he ignored me. I knew it was a fool's errand deterring him. Once he got a stupid idea in his mind he couldn't help but follow through with it and I was dreading what he was going to say.
After Dan and Josh finished ordering, Ray adjusted his position and leaned on the wall. He looked at me and said, "Hey Vince, I didn't know you worked with any hot babes: who's that performing sweet magic on the grill?"
I glanced at Tay, silently hoping she didn't hear anything he said. She was frozen in place, the pupils of her blue eyes were thin slits, and she was staring daggers at Ray. I looked at Ray and made a throat-cutting gesture to tell him to stop, but he kept going.
"Come on man, you gotta tell me. Or maybe she could come over and introduce herself."
Ash looked mortified, maybe he had seen something similar happen before and he knew exactly what was about to happen. Either way, what had been set in motion could not be stopped, and everyone besides Tay and Ray was along for the ride. Dan and Josh seemed oblivious to what was about to occur.
Ray continued his foolish endeavor. "Hey, you, in the kitchen, don't be shy. Come over and say hi. I want to meet all of Vince's coworkers."
Tay furrowed her brow and set down the spatula violently with a clang. She slowly slithered up to the front counter.
Ray's grin somehow got even wider. "So, what's yoouuur name?"
She pointed at her nametag with a claw and tapped on it twice.
"Tay, that's a cool name." She said nothing. "Not much of a talker, huh, I can respect that. I can do enough talking for three people. So, what do you like to do?"
She stared angrily at him but did not respond. Poor Ray, he never did know when to quit. "You're so quiet. You know, some people are scared of vipers, not me, I think they are really kinda, sexy." Upon hearing the word sexy she dug her claws into the front counter. Up to this point he seemed as oblivious as Josh and Dan, but now he was beginning to realize the error of his way. "Uh, y-you don't have to be scared of me." That sentence petered out at the end when he noticed how hard she was gripping the counter.
Tay spoke quietly at first and gradually ramped up her volume to a yell "Scared - of you? As pathetic as you are? You should be scared of me, you sniveling - cunt smudge." She leaned her serpentine head forward over the counter and sized up Ray. "You're a disgusting creep! If you keep talking to me, I'm going to bite you. And, while you con-vulse on the ground, slowly dying as my venom burns through your veins, causing the worst pain imaginable, I'm going to flay the skin from your body with my claws. No one here could stop me from killing you, - you greasy soulless ginger degenerate, so shut - the fuck up, ok?" Ray had slowly leaned back away from her during her tirade and was practically falling over. Shit, I don't know how much I can relax around her after hearing all that.
Ray was speechless and looked like how I did when she went off at me by the dumpster. He swallowed audibly and nodded.
Tay lunged her head forward and smirked when Ray flinched. She seemed satisfied and slithered back to the kitchen.
Ray smoothed his hair out and took a few breaths. He looked between Josh, Dan, and me, and said, "I think I'm in love."
When Tay started preparing sandwiches. I followed her out of earshot of my friends. "Hey, Tay. Don't you dare spit venom in their food. I'm sorry Ray is a dumbass, but he'd probably like it if you did."
She looked at me with fiery eyes to try and intimidate me. I stood my ground and watched her as she made the sandwiches. After she made the first one, she relented. "Your friend is a real jackass, you know that?"
"Yea, look, he didn't mean nothing by it: he pulls stunts like this all the time. And, he wasn't you know, being ironic to make you feel bad, I know he likes vipers."
"I don't care whether he meant it or not! Eugh!" She rubbed her head and sighed. "You get the fuck away from me too, and let me work. I'm not gonna poison them."
I raised my hands non-threateningly. "That's all I wanted to hear." I backed off and made my friends' fries.
Once their order was ready, Ash let me take my break and hang out with them. We all gave Ray shit for being a complete idiot, but he maintained that it was a victory. He hit on a viper and lived to tell the tale, and this gavone had the chutzpah to call me out after he almost fainted, said that at least he had the balls to say something to her. And I had to admit he was kinda right, guy did the very thing I'd thought about doing: walking up to a viper and trying my luck. Not with Tay of course, nah, I'd try it with a friendlier viper. But, besides that, we had a good time together, none of them got poisoned, and, once my break was up, they said goodbye and went home. Ray was a total legend for that, an idiot, but a legend nonetheless.
After that, it was back to work, hours, and hours of work. The drive-thru filled up and we emptied it a few times. When a few hours were left in my shift, the drive-thru filled up completely, so I kicked my fry-making into high gear. I was making so many fries that the fry dispenser ran dry, and Tay didn't have time to fill it. She told me where to go in the freezer to get more. I found the fry bags where she said and filled the dispenser, a big clump of ice fell out of the bag into the hopper, but I ignored it, there were many more orders to fill.
On the last few orders, I shoved the baskets into the dispenser and that big chunk of ice landed squarely on top of the fries in one of the baskets. In my tired stupor, I forgot all about those safety videos and assumed it was going to melt.
Tay happened to glance over as I was setting the basket into the fryer. She yelled "STOP!" as I put them in the fryer, but it was too late. The grease sizzled and popped, splattering boiling oil all over my right hand.
The pain wasn't immediate, for a split second, I felt something hit my hand, then as soon as I looked at it I felt immense searing pain. "Ma - rone! Fuck!" I backed away from the fryer into the counter, clutching my hand. Watching as it turned red and blisters began to form.
The grease in the fryer had started to foam up and was almost reaching the top of it. Tay slithered over immediately and pulled the basket out of the fryer.
Ash looked over from the drive-thru window. "Is everything ok?"
I responded. "No it's fucking not, I got burned by the fucking bullshit fryer!"
Tay observed my outburst quietly. After I finished, she reached out two of her hands gently. "Can I see it?" Her voice was so soft, without thinking, I complied with her request. She put her hand under my palm to spread it out, so she could look over the back of my hand. I winced as she did.
Her eyes softened and I saw something in them I never would've expected to see: sympathy. "I'm sorry." She looked over at Ash. "Get the burn cream and gauze out of the first aid kit, the orders can wait a moment!" He ran out of view. She looked back at me. "Follow me to the sink, we need to run it under cool water." She led me by the hand to the sink and put my hand under, low pressure, cold water. It hurt at first, but then it started to feel better. "Keep your hand here until I get back. We have to finish these orders and get these assholes out of here." She left and Ash set gauze and burn cream by the sink.
After a minute or two Carlos walked in through the back door from his break and saw me with my hand in the sink. "You alright man?"
I shook my head. "No, grease burn."
"Shit, are they working on orders right now?" He pointed to the kitchen.
"Yea, trying to clear the drive-thru."
He nodded. "I'll go help them." He ran off to help Tay and Ash.
As I stood there with my hand in the sink I thought about my life choices that led me to this moment, and I also thought about Tay. What the hell was that? I had somehow seen her at her most violent and her most gentle today. After about six minutes under the sink, my hand wasn't hurting as much anymore, and I saw Tay round the corner.
Gone was the look of sympathy and softness from her blue eyes, she looked upset now. "We cleared out the rest of those orders. Let me see it again."
I gave her my hand and she took it gently, like last time. "You are soo-oooo fucking lucky, you understand that? Thin skin like yours isn't resistant to hot grease, retard. Do you have any idea how much you could've hurt yourself? Did you even pay attention to the safety videos?" Now I felt like a child she was scolding.
"I wasn't trying to burn myself. It was an accident, I'm tired and I forgot about the ice—"
She cut me off. "I know." She sighed. "You have to be more careful and not put giant chunks of ice in the grease. I told you that the fryer could scar you for life."
"I know, I know."
"Clearly you need a reminder. Now I'm going to apply this burn cream and dress your wound, hold still."
She caressed my hand as she gently rubbed on the burn cream with her finger; the cooling sensation of the burn cream gave me instant relief. You wouldn't get this out of me if you tortured me for three weeks, but I was kinda enjoying this attention, and I realized partway through that I was holding her hand as she held it steady. At that point, I tried very hard to maintain my composure. If I was blushing, she paid no mind to it. After she finished with the cream she carefully wrapped the gauze around my hand.
When she finished she looked me in the eyes. "Do not pop those blisters. if it hurts, take some pain medication and put a cool wet towel on it, understand?"
At this point, I was a hot mess, with the burn, and someone giving me some one-on-one attention, all I could say was. "Thank you."
Her face was stoic. "You can repay me by never burning yourself again, dipshit."
"Y-yea, I'll be more careful. Are there any orders?"
She shook her head. "Oh no, you're going home early tonight, dipshit. Your lame, gimp ass is only gonna get in our way, and you'll get your burn wound infected. Go home and if it's not mostly healed by tomorrow, call in. Ash and I will vouch for you with Mark."
As much as going home sounded appealing, I didn't want to leave them hanging. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, we'll be fine. Go home and take care of your burn."
"Ok." I walked past her towards the front of the kitchen. She followed me until we reached the grill, staying there as I walked to the front. I turned around to look at her again. I got the urge to say something to her, to let her know how much I valued that moment of kindness, but I couldn't think of any words to express that. She looked at me with a neutral expression for a moment and turned her attention to cooking more burgers.
Ash and Carlos both looked at me as I walked over to the computer. "Are you gonna be ok, dude?" Ash asked.
"Yea, Tay said I should go home."
He nodded. "You should. Don't worry, Tay and I will explain things to Mark."
And that was that. I clocked out and walked home. My hand still hurt like hell, but without Tay's help, it would be worse. As I took off my work clothes and laid down in bed I thought about how well she treated my burn. It was almost like she had done that before, or had training with it. I looked at my hand: the gauze was wrapped perfectly, or as perfectly as I would expect. I wasn't a doctor or 'nuthin. That sparked my imagination: it really made me wonder what she did when Advent was in control. My thoughts were filled with possibilities as I drifted off to sleep.
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One of my orchids is a Phal that I am reviving. I got it last year in a tall glass jar. I was misting it every now and then, found this sub, took it out of the jar and put it in fresh orchid bark. It's leaves were wrinkled and yellowing, these dropped off and new ones are growing, they are currently 3cm long.
I was looking at it today and noticed on one piece of bark the tiniest set of leaves. I'm talking like less than half a grain of rice per leaf, on a piece of bark on the outer area of the pot. It has some sort of white, fine fluff around it which makes me suspect it's maybe a dandelion seed that has started to grow?
I can upload a pic if necessary, but what are the chances a seed has fluttered into my house and landed in my orchid pot? It's indoors in a sunny windowsill, there are a few plants around it - some succulents, a parlour palm, and a lady's slipper orchid which is currently in bloom. Can any seed, even weeds, start growing on orchid bark if given the chance?
I'm asking as I'm wondering if I shouldn't remove it, if somehow an orchid has started to grow new then yeah I'll keep it but if it's a weed then off it goes I guess... Will it damage my phal if I leave it?

Hey everyone. Looking at purchasing my first (ever) gaming laptop. I keep getting lost in the weeds on specs. Hopefully you guys can help me out with some recommendations. My budget is, ideally, sub $2k. I wouldn't consider myself a "serious" gamer and most of my friends are on console anyway.
I would like to get something I wouldnt necessarily need to upgrade for a while so I'm thinking 32gb RAM is the way to go from what I've read.
I have interests in playing games such as, DayZ, Scum, Breakpoint, ATS, Fallout etc. if that helps any. On the flip side of that I've been playing around (learning at my own speed) with learning to code. I currently use my work laptop for that but that is not a long term sustainable option.
For the gaming side I do plan on using peripherals like an ext monitor and keyboard when I'm at home. I prefer the portability of a laptop over a gaming PC though, BUT, with that said, if anyone has a suggestion for an off the shelf desktop AND a laptop I'm not against that either😁
Any suggestions you guys have would be greatly appreciated 🙌🏼
Thanks!

Hi y'all! Dealing with a horrible persistent vaginal yeast infection for the last 20 months (🥲). I feel like I've tried everything and I'm feeling pretty defeated.
Recently, I read that weed is immunosuppressive. I've been a regular cannabis user for a number of years, but since I read about the immunosuppressive effects, I've stopped. I hope it's only a temporary break, as weed helps my sleep and anxiety.
So far, it's been five days, but I'm wondering if anyone has any insight into how long it might take for my immune system to catch up? Also, has anyone else tried this approach?​
I just found this sub and saw lots of other helpful advice, so was wondering if anyone might have thoughts on this.
Also, other things I'm trying right now:
-Two weeks of itraconazole capsules
-Candida diet
-No weed, no sex :(
-Oegano oil/garlic/olive leaf blend
-Undecylenic Acid
-Saccharomyces Boulardii
-Candicidal
-CBD (which I read actually may help fight candida!)
-Boric acid suppositories every night for three weeks (doctor's recommendation)
Any additional recommendations or advice are welcome!

Well sir, I dun did seen a lot in all my years on this here rock. But perhaps the weirdest thing I ever dun did see was one of them thar blood suckers…you know, Dracula.
Of course, I don’t mean I seen THE Dracula. That sumbitch burnt up years ago. I is talking bout vampires in a general sense. Let me tells ya’ll bout it.
It were in 1963, I reckon. I lived in my old cabin way on up yonder in Sasquatch Hollow. As the name implicates, we’uns is overrun with them damned old hairy fuckers. But that story is fer another time.
I was born in Sasquatch Hollow. I dun lived my whole life here, and I is expecting to die here. My kin live off the land in order to eat. We sell our product to the towns people down below too, to gits the paper money. My living is earned by moonshining and weed growing. It brings me a pretty penny too, so much so that now I can afford to take two trips to town ever month to the whoowah house insteada just one!
Well sir, one night I was down in a hollar a’side of Werewolf Creek cookin me up a batch of good old corn licker. It ‘‘twas round midnight and I were gettin ready to mash in my third run of the evening. I heard a piercing scream from just over the ridge. It sounded like someone got Thar balls ripped off by a thresher, it dun did!
Of course, I was drunker than a skunk. I figured it was a damned old Dogman er something. So I hollared back at it, “SHUT DA FUCK UP, YOU DAMNED OLD FLEA BITTEN SHIT-HEAD!”
Well right bout that time I did heard sum flutterin sound over my still site. Course I had me a roaring fire, so the canopy above wuz lumimated mighty fine. Looking up I seen a bat flying around. It was right about that point when the acid I took started kicking in. The damned bat suddenly became an Angel from Heaven to my eyes!
Course, being a blood-letting Satanist, I had no time fer sech. So I grabbed my old double barrel scatter gun and started blastin at that sumbitch! Heh heh heh! I brought it down with the 4th shot.
It fell down with a thump onto to the leaf littered ground in front of me. It tweren’t dead yet, just flopping around. Just as I put my boot on it to stamp it out of existence, I had a thought: I could eat that sumbitch!! I ain’t ate in days, and a lil bat meat sounded right tasty at the moment. Reminded me of some KFC!
I grabbed up that damned ole bat and stuck a stick straight up its ass and out its mouth, then proceeded to roast it over ma fire … just like roasting weenies!
Now gentle readers, I cain’t exactly swear to what transpired next. I was higher than Hunter Biden whoring in a hotel room, but I will do the best I can. As I wuz roasting that thar bat I noticed a bright light start emanating from its ass. Then it accelerated until it was a huge bright white explosion of light… “BOOM!!!!”
Suddenly I came too on the ground. I realized Inhad lost consciousness. I was dazed as shit. I looked at my left hand. It was intact. “Ok, good”, I thunked. Then I looked at my right hand. I had ahold on a stick that was jammed up the ass of some naked dude layin next to me. “Well, shit.”, I thought.
Now ya’ll got to realize something: I ain’t no prude. I dun stuck my dick into a lot of questionable cracks and crevices over the years. But I ain’t never, no how, intentionally done anything sexual with another man! I ain’t gots nuffin agin it. It just don’t do nothing fer me.
Upon seeing the particular circumstance I promptly let go of the sodomy stick and lept to my feet. I demanded to know who the hell the intruder was. He slowly rose to his feet and turned to address me. “Well of course, good and kindly sir. I am Count Sarcophagus Angst of Paris.”
I raised an eyebrow at his greeting, shook my head, then looked down at the ground. “Shit. A Frenchman. And in my county.” Angst implored me to explain my reaction. I told him to shut the fuck up before I stick the double barrel of my old shotgun up his ass and pull the trigger.
Angst is apparently the kind of dude that is used to people sucking his dick and treating him like royalty and shit. Well, this here is the good old USofA! We don’t give a shit about kings and queens and such shit.
Angst then got this murderous look in his eyes. His shoulders mysteriously grew wider, and he suddenly seemed to get even taller. Then he spoke, “Perhaps you would not be so careless with your words if you knew what I am.”
I replied to him, “What? You mean a French butt-f#ckerr? Yeah, I knowd your type! We don’t take too kindly to ya’ll up in here!”
Angst took a step toward me, saying “You do not understand”. I said “Oh I understand, alright. I understand that you is a que#r-ass vampire from the ### republic of France.”
That old vampire first looked shocked, as if I had “outed” him against his will. But then his face grew dark and grim. He stood straight up and raised both arms. He opened his mouth to reveal two long, hard fangs with which he intended to penetrate me.
As I dun said, there ain’t much I won’t try. But I draw the line at being penetrated and sucked on by some dude! I really don’t go for that shit. So I had to do something, and real fast like.
As Angst approached for the blood letting, I threw a brutal punch at his nard sacks. “BOOSH!!!!” Clearly I had busted them sumbitches wide open like water balloons. Then quick as a bunny, I pushed that vampiric pos against a tree, scooped up my rope from off the ground, and tied up that spook lickety-split!
“What..what are you doing?”, pleaded the blood sucker. “SHUT UP!!”, WHACK!!!! I yelled at him then bitch slapped him cross his face. Next I put my ball-gag in his mouth to shut him up. Yes, my ball gag. I always have it on me cuzz ya never know when you may need it. Know what I mean?
Well sir, I won’t bore ya with all the tawdry details of what followed. But I will reveal a secret. Ya see, I is am watch aficionado. I gots me a big old collection of wrist watches, including vintage and modern Rollies, AP, Omegas, Oris, etc… I likes to lume em up at night too, so I’s can watch em glow! I gets real tickled at that! Therefore, I carry me a UV flashlight when I know I gonna be in the woods all night running the still.
Now essentially, a UV flashlight is like the sun to a vampire. It fries them to a crisp! So while I was waiting fer my latest run to start producing licker, I deecided Yo have some fun with my light.
Ad soon as I shined the UV light on that damned old vampire it let out a cry suggesting it was suffering excruciating pain! LOL! So the first thing I did was light up its tallywacker and nard sacks. You could hear em sizzle!! Heh heh heh!!! It also smelled a little, like a pork loin in hour 6 of a crock pot slow cook!
Next I started using that that UV light to write shit on the vamp’s body. First I wrote “Let’s Go Brandon!” Heh heh heh! Next, I drawed a penis on its forehead. LOL!
When I finally tired of writing shit on the thing it was all burnt up. It was a’sizzling and a’smoking. At this point it could not do shit. So I untied it and threw it on the fire.
Eventually I finished running shine. The sun was jest starting to rise over the hollow as I loaded up the last of the jugs of corn locket on the back of my old pick ‘em up truck. Before I left I thought about that old funky vampire. I walked over to the fire pit and looked down at it as it enjoyed its last couple minutes of life. Then I said out loud, “Fuck it.” I pulled out my hawg leg sized member and pissed on what was left of the fire.
And that is the story of the Parisian vampire that set foot in the wrong motherfucking hollow!

I am 21F, and I think weed is starting to truly take a failing effect on my life. I started smoking weed when I was 14 I coughed so bad until I threw up and felt like a handicapped comedian the whole night. However I loved the feeling, the out of body experience that took me out of my regular state. I began to do it EVERYDAY with my older brothers cause hey they let me and it was a thrill for me. Also it was free why not ? 😭 While I was in HS I never smoked in school but couldn’t wait until I got home to time travel into another mind state. I excelled in school (maybe because I wasn’t high) I graduated a whole year early and I had my life mapped off after graduation, everything was good. My mom always told me weed would stop me from getting a job but I also saw people around me who smoked and were successful so I just contradicted her statement everytime the thought came to me. Fast forward I meet my current gf (21F as of now) she was fine with me smoking she actually preferred it cause she said I was more relaxed. At age 18 me and my gf move out of state and I land a great job working at a prison. I still smoked at this time (finessed the drug test) we were thriving I was making great money and everything. Here’s where I believe weed is starting to shift my life for the worse. I ended up getting fired for a failed drug test (I was on a sober binge and thought I was clean) Since a kid I’ve always wanted to be a homicide detective, when I got fired my gf started asking me about just starting as a police cadet etc. I was all for it until I realized .. You can’t smoke weed and be a federal employee dumb a** it’s time to choose one and fast. I decided my career I had my fun and I’ll reunite with it when I retire. SIKE. That’s what I thought, I relapsed almost 12 times. Some times I went a week, a few days, a month, 54 days (oddly specific) but I always went back. Why are the time lengths so different you ask ? Cause one day I couldn’t find my keys and it made me irritated , then the next week I couldn’t sleep, then a month later I was hanging with friends and hey it’s been a month so eh why not and then 54 days later I fell so my knee hurted (had to hurt really bad right ?) I always had an excuse to run back to it. (Lowk reminds me of Wanda off snowfall 😂 except I haven’t had her breakthrough.) anyways my gf has been against me smoking since the first 12 times I told her I was quitting so now it’s to the point where I hide it from her. She thinks I’ve been sober for months but in reality it’s been hours. I am seeing the effects weed is now causing on me being how sneaky I’m being about it. Here’s the fun part though, I now feel as though I want to change my whole career just so I can smoke. (Sad right.) The career I’ve wanted since a kid I want to change for a green leaf. I have applied to federal jobs and been told no because I’ve smoked too recently. I really need help with how to not relapse and how to start applying myself to my goals again. Should I tell my gf what I’ve been doing ? If I keep smoking I feel as though I’m gonna be older with nothing but a HS diploma when I had goals to own businesses and homes. I’m very scared of fucking up and getting off of weed is super hard idk anymore. Please help.

I've picked up several sets of switches since my last review post and thought I'd post some thoughts about them. There's a fair amount been said about most of these, so I won't be going too in-depth this time around for most of them.
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Lichicx Raw Silent Heavy Tactile
Love the silent aspect, as they're in the same range of quiet as my frankenswitch shrimps (more on those later) and the Gamakay pegasus. The tactility with the stock spring, on the other hand, makes them feel like they're punching my fingers every time I use them, along with feeling like it's a much sharper bump than appearance would lead you to believe. I had to sideline these after only a few days because the tactility was actually too much for me, though I'll probably come back to them at some point and put different springs in to see if it changes anything.
A side note for these is the stem material made my fingers feel like I'd been handling wax coated paper without any gloves. This may not be a big deal for most, but it's worth mentioning for those who might find it annoying.
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Mekanisk Ultramarine
I had a bit of spending money after tax refunds came in and grabbed some mystery switches over at Cannon Keys just to see what I'd get. I'd been hoping for a tactile, but since it seems like at least 75% of switches are linears, I wasn't expecting to actually get any, so I wasn't too let down when these showed up.
Being linears, I was already meh about them, and continued to be meh about them after using them for a few weeks. They're decently smooth, didn't need any l+f work (always a plus, though it probably wouldn't hurt), and are a bit on the clackier side stock, which isn't my cup of tea. Since I'm not keen on linears, the best I can say about them is they do the job. These eventually got set aside to use for parts later.
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WS Heavy Tactile
These are my least favorite switch so far purely because of how painfully loud they are. They could probably compete with the clicky switches my roomie was using until I gave her better ones for her GMMK Pro. If you like long pole clack and a very noticeable tactile bump, you'll probably love these, but I could only tolerate them for maybe an hour in total across several days.
I swapped in (much) shorter 55g springs to test if that would change anything, and it did ease the tactility more to where I prefer it, but it made them even clackier, so these ultimately ended up being a hard pass for me and relegated to the frankenswitch stockpile for future experimentation. I doubt I'll be using the stems, though, as I can't stand the sound of long pole bottom out.
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Frankenswitches
At this point, I have enough switches in my collection to do some mix-and-match with parts, though I find myself more often than not coming back to my original two.
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Durock Shrimp stem + Cherry hyperglide bottom + Ultramarine top
For these I'd originally just swapped the stem into the Cherry housings because of the atrocious leaf scratch the shrimps have in their stock form. The Cherry housings mellowed out the sound quite nicely compared to the stock housings, though they have that signature Cherry scratchiness. Switching out for the ultramarine tops hasn't changed the sound any (what there is of it for being silent stems), and the fit with the tops and bottoms is very tight. I'll run these for a while in my Odin and see how I like it. Knowing me, I'll fiddle around again and put the shrimp stems in the full ultramarine housings, which I expect will just remove the Cherry scratch.
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Durock Shrimp housing + Kailh Pro Burgundy stem
I briefly mentioned these in my previous thread and I decided to finish off the set for my QK80 after running them on the alphas for a while. I wasn't expecting much out of them, considering my general indifference for linear switches, but I find the sound is actually quite nice. For my ears (and those of my family) it's in that sweet spot between marbley and thocky, and they're quieter than the stock Cherry browns in my old iKBC. They're not very snappy because of the short linear spring, so at some point I'll get around to putting in either progressive or double springs.
Now if only I can find or build a switch that combines the sound of these and the tactility of the shrimp stems I'd use it in both my boards, but I expect that's just the endless chase for that mythical end game. I'd also have to get a newer iteration of the Odin to get the FR4 plate, and I don't have that kind of money, nor could I justify getting a second of the same board, anyway.
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Kailh Pro housings + Gazzew silent linear stems
A pretty solid pairing, which shouldn't have been that surprising in hind sight. The Kailh pro housings are nice and tight and the Gazzew stems are, as expected, very quiet. They are ultimately just silent linears, though, so the biggest change for how these feel will come down to what springs I ultimately decide to put in them, since they're still using the stock Kailh springs and feel harder and lighter than the spring weight alludes to. That may just be my preference for heavier springs, though, as anything under ~55g feels feather light to me, especially on linears.

One of the funniest moments in Stern history was when Jeff the Drunk appeared on the show to tell everyone he had turned over a new leaf and was "new and improved" turns out he just got a new manager. He then told how he had been caught drunk driving and lost his licence, lost his job, abused Ronnie, smoked weed in the green room, ordered KC around and was generally belligerent to all around him, spilled beer in the studio. I'm sure there was more chaos but I can't remember the rest of the appearance.