TL;DR My boyfriend and I broke up after a year together due to miscommunication and a foot fetish.
I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
Now, here is where things went wrong. He has a foot fetish, and him being the best guy I have ever been with, I let him endure his fetish. We never really discussed boundaries, however we always asked for consent. However, one night, he got carried away after giving me a foot massage and crossed an insane boundary that I was uncomfortable with. I just laid there, I couldn't speak or move. He finished, and he looked at me, frozen. He immediately turned over and was so embarrassed and said that if I wanted to break up with him it would be okay.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?

The 26th season of the Australian Survivor ORG series is now recruiting our next set of first-time players! Currently we are about 50% cast, so still plenty of room to join! If you are interested in playing or have any questions about the game please do send me a private message.
Australian Survivor: New Caledonia will commence on Sunday 2nd June. The game will run for three to four weeks. The season will be run on Australian Eastern Daylight Time or GMT +10, with events generally occurring between 8pm to 10pm. The format, of course, is Survivor. Sunday through Thursday there will be either a Challenge, Tribal Council or both as the game moves forward. These are optional to attend and you can pre-vote for Tribal Councils, but obviously your challenge performance and attendance can directly affect your position in the game.
It is important to note that this game is ANONYMOUS or Closed-ID. First time players cannot reveal they are playing to anyone else. After you apply only the hosts will know your online identity until the game's completion. When playing, you will be given an alias of a real life Australian Survivor contestant from the Heroes vs Villains season to use throughout the game, and during the game it will be prohibited to give out identifying real life information.
This game will run on our private forum dedicated to the season, hosted by Proboards. This is a different platform to those most ORGs advertised on Reddit would use, but after 13 years of using Proboards we feel it allows for the most immersive experience possible. You will get your link and login details on the day the game begins.
Note that we will be following the lead of the actual Heroes vs Villains season in having the season be a mix of new players and returnees from previous seasons. We are confident in our ability to create a season that is balanced and competitive among the entire cast, regardless of whether they are a new player or a returnee. Returnees will be playing Open-ID as their alias from their previous season(s) and are forbidden to communicate outside the game. We're being upfront about this as we understand not all potential players would be drawn to playing in this type of season.
Below is a survey we'd like all potential cast members to fill out, however it is fine to apply first and get to this later if that is more convenient:

1. Where are you from?
2. Which Survivor contestant (Australian or US) are you most like and why?
3. If you had to describe your approach in 3 words what would they be?
4. What do you feel are your strengths and weaknesses?
5. What type of contestant would you prefer not to be assigned to play as? (male or female, older or younger, hero or villain, brain or brawn, etc)
6. In as much or as little detail as you prefer, which Survivor seasons have you watched recently and what are your opinions on them?

If you are interested in playing or have any questions about the game please do send us a private message! We're happy to answer any and all questions. Be certain not to comment publicly, as this would compromise your anonymity before the season even begins.

I have always been this person that before looking for guilt in somebody else, I was first making sure that I am, myself, not doing anything wrong. And I am definitely not perfect. But especially in the past years, which have been university years for me, I have had such a hard time finding people that are meeting bare minimum standards for friends? And I came to realize that in such cases there is not much I can do by fixing anything in myself, I am quite sure I became the worst version of myself just because I do not have anyone (at least close to me, most of my older friends are scattered around the world) to be a good version of myself for? It really sucks because I do not want to be that person but I am feeling extremely tired of people. And I really do not expect much, just whoever I have been meeting in the last years was either a definition of a narcissist or clearly does care about me in any way even after two years of "friendship" and the only kind people I befriended are quite tiring to spend time with (somewhat absorbing) and it is not just my opinion. Actually I am the one who was always thinking that I am just impatient and I should appreciate the other person being kind, but then other people drop here and there that I must be extremely patient to hang out with X or Y. By tiring I mean for example talking wayyy too much even after people pointing it out to them directly and indirectly, extremely stubborn, etc. I cannot be the only one in such situation?

Wanted to find my next signature fragrance and so set off my journey with this Studiowest Cities gift box. Available on Westside and TataCliq for 1999. Can get it for as low as 1850 or something because you can get 5% off for opting out of online returns on the Westside website.
WARNING: This is gonna be a LONG post.
Tl;Dr: Ratings:
Ibiza 1/5
Bali 3.5/5
Bora Bora 3/5
Cancun 5/5
Mykonos 3.5/5
Rio 3/5
Paris 2.5/5
New York 4/5
London 1/5
Packaging is quite lovely
The box has 10 glass bottles of 9ml perfumes. Very nice to hold. There are tearable covers over each of the bottle, kind of like a Christmas advent calendar. I loved this.
It's a great gift to give someone, even if they aren't into fragrance at all, simple because it feels like a premium gift.
I am by no means a reviewer or a person who knows much about fragrance in general. So I apologize in advance for my descriptions.
The fragrance notes are from the Westside website. There's nothing mentioned on the bottle or the box so i guess we will have to take their word for it.

One Night in Ibiza

1/5
Floral - Bergamot, Cardamom, Coconut blended with Tiare Flower, Tuberose, Ylang Ylang and base notes of Musk, Benzoin, Heliotrope.
Top: bergamot
Mid: Heliotrope
Base: Vanilla
Dupe for: ?
Review: You can really smell the coconut in this. It's a nice gourmand smell, but the spiciness of the cardamom makes this smell like a sabji made with amrutanjan balm.
It settles down to just the smell of the musk and the coconut. Pleasant but smells like it could be odomos.
Didn't like this.

One Night in Bali

3.5/5
Grapefruit Lemon, Mint and Pink Pepper mixed with middle notes of Ginger, Nutmeg, Jasmine and with base notes of Incense, Vetiver, Cedar, Sandalwood, Patchouli, Labdanum and White Musk.
Top: Grapefruit
Mid: Ginger
Base: Sandalwood
Dupe for: Bleu de Chanel
Review: the first burst is definitely very heavy on the alcohol and smells a lot like men's aftershave, you definitely get the citrus and the mint. As it dries down it turns into an inoffensive, soft, mainly musky smell.
Okayish. Might consider wearing it again. Good for day wear.

One Night in Bora Bora

3/5
Floral Ambery - Citrus, Pear, Melon blended with Rose, Freesia, Lily of the Valley and base notes of Amber, Musk, Patchouli.
Top: Pear
Mid: Lily of the valley
Base: Patchouli
Review: Too patchouli heavy for me this one. I can only smell the rose and the patchouli. Couldn't smell the citrus. I'm more into fresh scents so I hoped highly for this one. Settles down to a soft floral scent. Nothing mind blowing. Might consider wearing it in evenings.
Dupe for: CK Eternity

One Night in Cancun

5/5 <3
Floral Fruity - Peach, Plum, Honey blended with Lily of the Valley, Nectarine, Petitgrain and base notes of Musk, Vetiver, Amber
Top: Peach
Mid: Petitgrain
Base: Vetiver
Dupe for: Elizabeth Arden Red Door
Review: Now this one is definitely interesting to me. I am not a fan of fruity scents but this is a wonderful one. At first you can really smell the plum and the peach scents, and the sweet nectarine but it's not sickly sweet. Settles down into what I think vetiver is supposed to smell like (I don't know what vetiver smells like, but it's not musk for sure). It smells... delicious?
I think this one is my favourite. Might even consider getting a decant of EA Red Door because of this.

One Night in Mykonos

3.5/5
Citrus Floral - Aqueous, Lemon, Green blended with Rose, Jasmine, Pear Blossom and base notes of Amber, Balsamic, Musk.
Top: Lemon
Mid: Rose
Base: Amber
Dupe for: CK One
Review: Initial burst of citrus is really fresh, and not in a ambi pur car fragrance kind of way. Settles down well. The rose and Jasmine would feel very hair oil fragrance but it's not that offensive. Left with a musk scent at the base. I don't know where the balsamic is supposed to sit.

One Night in Rio

3/5
Floral Chypre - Citrus, Fresh blended with Peony, Rose, Jasmine and base notes of Patchouli, Musk, Amber.
Top: Citrus
Mid: Peony
Base: Patchouli
Dupe for: CK Eternity Eau Fresh
Review: Opens with a floral scent that I can't seem to catch which flower it's supposed to be. Didn't get the citrus top note. Too much patchouli for me. I guess I just don't like patchouli. It settles down into a sweet smell, again, of just patchouli, and peony I guess. But I've never smelled a peony so I can't tell. The smell of this I can only describe as the floor cleaners they use in airport bathrooms at Kempegowda or a mall washroom that was just cleaned.
Not a fan of this one.

Studiowest Paris

2.5/5
At the forefront of this fragrant journey, the delightful blend of plum, raspberry, and pear dances on your senses, creating a luscious and playful olfactory experience. As the fragrance continues to unfold, the heart reveals musk, vanilla, and sugary notes, adding depth and complexity to this captivating aromatic symphony
Notes from TataCliq
Top Note
Vanilla
Middle Note
Jasmin, Orchid
Base Note
Sweet, Musky
Review: Vanilla opening, definitely fruity but I didn't get the plum I was expecting. Definitely a girly fragrance. The label is pink and it's definitely the vibe of this one. Very high school, winx club, Blossom from Powerpuff Girls. It's a nice one but I don't think it's for me.
Dupe for: ?

Studiowest New York

4/5
At the top, vanilla takes the spotlight with its sweet allure. In the heart of this fragrance, jasmine and orchid add a delicate, floral dimension. Finally, the scent finds its soothing base in the notes of sweet and musky, leaving a lasting impression of sophistication and charm.
Notes from TataCliq
Top:
Plum, Raspberry, Pear
Middle Note
Lily Of The Valley, Jasmine, Rose
Base Note
Musk, Vanilla, Sugary
Dupe for: ?
Review: Opens quite fresh, fruity but not too sweet. Settles down into a musky, jasminey, vanilla smell which isn't sweet. I'm saying this over and over because I detest sickly sweet frags, they make me gag.
I liked this one.

Studiowest London

?1/5
The scent journey begins with passion fruit, leading to peony, italian pine, and a lasting base of vanilla and orchid, ensuring a memorable olfactory experience.
Notes from TataCliq
Top notes:
Passion Fruit
Middle Note
Peony, Italian Pine
Base Note
Vanilla, Orchid
Dupe for: ?
Review: struggling to describe this one. Not sure if it was just my bottle or what but it smells like... nothing? I wanted to keep a constant or a standard for measuring the smell and the stay of these EDPs so 2 sprays per were enough.
I ended up spraying 4 to 5 sprays for this one, and yet it smelled like nothing. There's a hint of pine in there but that's it. Not sure what is supposed to deliver.
A fail.
OVERALL:
A good gift for someone who would like to get into fragrances. Not very long lasting, nor very outstanding scents tho. Maybe it's the Cities line of fragrances that aren't very good. I keep hearing Goddess as a good one, maybe I should've just got that to try instead.
I sprayed just a couple of times to keep it even but even so not good projection, sillage or staying power. It's gone within the hour but settles on the skin for maybe 2 hours.
Anyway.
I might revisit this post in the future to update how these have aged or if I've grown to love or hate any of these.
Tl;Dr: Ratings:
Ibiza 1/5
Bali 3.5/5
Bora Bora 3/5
Cancun 5/5
Mykonos 3.5/5
Rio 3/5
Paris 2.5/5
New York 4/5
London 1/5
I'd love to hear from y'all. This was my first review ever. I'd also like to know your experiences with Studiowest perfumes, and if anyone knows what the Paris, NY and London ones are dupes for.
My current signature fragrance is actually Nude by Skinn by Titan. Has been for 5 years. The journey to find a suitable love continues for now.
Love, light and health!

So basically I a 20 Female work in retail as a casual at clothing store, I started working at this store in march 2020, so it’s been 4 years and a bit.
I was usually working Fridays 5-8 pm every week, and then 2 of our stores that I both worked at weren’t making budget in February (for at least 20 weeks they weren’t making any budget) so my shift were slowly getting cut, During this time my manager had to call the big boss because someone called In sick and was asking if I could stay for another hour, and he said that in the big boss words “she’s too expensive because of her age so she’s limited to 3 hours” Leaving him the manager by himself for the last hour of business.
And then my shifts were completely cut, the last time I was rostered on was 22 march.
They call me here and there (4 times between 22 march and 14 of may) but they call around 7:30 to 8:30 am to ask me to work, but because it’s early in the morning, I’m usually asleep and by the time I wake up 10:30 to 11 they have already gotten it covered.
I’ve only answered twice and both times, I answered they said along the lines of, “thank you for answering I have called everyone and no one answered or no one can work” which makes me think that they are only calling me as a “last resort” person because no one else wants to to come in.
The first call I answered I couldn’t go in, and then the second time I answered, I went into work that was on the 29 of April. I hadn’t worked in so long that one of my coworkers was surprised I was in because he thought I quit.
Btw I feel like they are forcing me to quit because they can’t legally fire me because how long I’ve been there, and im not apart of a union
And a couple of months back (back in August 2023) they asked if I could become a supervisor, and I said yes, I was getting trained on how to close the store and then in September the store manager quit with 2 weeks notice and heaps of things were happening after it. So I was told I would be put “on the back burner for now”. So I waited till the new year and before I asked I found out that my big boss asked my coworker that just got out of school to become a supervisor… she just turned 18 when they asked her, while I was 20 when they asked.
Basically a run down of all of this is I was basically training to be a supervisor something happened so it had to pause but in the end they asked someone that is freshly 18 to basically take the position that was originally for me, (August 2023 to start of January 2024) Then my hours have been cut because I’m too expensive/ my age to the point I haven’t been rosted on since 22 of march 2024 but I worked once on the 29 of April.
All my friends I have talked too, and my jobseeker lady (I had to join Centrelink to get a income during this) have all said that it’s all about my age and my salary and it’s seems like a simple case of age discrimination
But I’m not sure if I’m just overthinking everything and even then I don’t know what to do, or who to contact, like do I contact a lawyer or fairwork etc
Sorry for the very long post but any help would be appreciated.

My (24F) boyfriend (25M) have been dating for 8 months. He's my first ever relationship and first love; I've never had any experience with boys before him, having gone to an all-girls school. Although our relationship has been full of very happy memories and unforgettable experiences, it's also been challenging.
My lack of experience has impacted our relationship, as he struggles to deal with someone who doesn't initiate/lead. I've grown up in a culture that expects the man to take care of everything, so I'm still getting used to trying to initiate instead of going along with everything my boyfriend wants. My worries of scaring him away/disappointing also impact our relationship, as I usually just agree with his suggestions out of a fear of retaliation; in the past, he's said/done things that have made me scared to be myself around him/initiate (i.e. say he doesn't want to kiss me because I have no experience, doesn't like people of my financial background because of privilege, etc.). But I think the lack of bringing "myself" to the relationship has severely damaged our relationship, possibly to a point of no return even with my current efforts.
Furthermore, he's emotionally guarded and I find it very difficult to initiate deep intimate conversations. To me, having a deep emotional connection with my partner is of utmost importance, but at this point in time we only know superficial things about each other instead of our values/beliefs/history/etc. Earlier in our relationship, he expressed a frustration that we do not have an emotional bond; I agreed, and since then have tried to initiate more. However, his responses to my deep conversations always felt shallow and guarded, so at some point I stopped asking.
Recently within the past month, he began to grow increasingly distant where both physical and emotional intimacy stopped. Physical intimacy was frequent at the beginning before it completely stopped, and I have never felt so unwanted and undesired. We never hold hands, hug, kiss, or anything beyond sleeping in the same bed. I felt like a friend or roommate to him rather than a girlfriend, and every serious conversation we had in regards to the lack of romantic connection he chalked up to some excuse (i.e. me being a bad kisser, him waiting for the right time, him not an intimate person, etc.). Things never changed, and I held onto the hope it would but I grew increasingly insecure and unhappy, believing that the problem was me.
When I confronted him about his distance recently, he mentioned that he's unsure about us as a couple because he initially pursued me out of a strong desire for a relationship. I was "at the right time and right place", but he doesn't know if I'm the "right person". He told me that if I was the one, then maybe he would have an easier time opening up; he said he knows it was very selfish of him, considering how I was interested in him for who he was as a person before we dated. However he then proceeded to say that there is no such thing as the one, and that as long as we are both happy in the relationship we should keep dating. He said he can't lose me and is willing to compromise; he said he's been extremely happy with me, and that breaking up would make him so lonely. But everything he said shows me that he does not envision a long-term future with me, and that he's in this relationship because he simply does not want to be alone/is unsure of what he wants. I'm also hesitant because he's promised change in the past, but has not shown it through his actions; who's to say that this time will not be the same as the last times.
I'm beyond happy in this relationship, I've had some of the best experiences with my boyfriend. I would do anything for him, and through communication I'm learning how to express my care for him in ways he wants. I truly love him deeply, but I've been hurting especially after our last discussion. Everything that we talked about recently makes me question his intentions and whether or not he truly loves me for me. If he doesn't see a future with me, I don't understand why he continues to be in this relationship/claims he wants to work things out? I now feel like there's someone out there who's better for him, who will be able to initiate and grow a deep emotional/physical bond fastestronger than I can. However, I still love him and I want to make the relationship work.
I saw a future with him until he started growing distant, and if things change for the better I can still see a real future with him, getting married and having kids. I want to work things out, but I'm so worried the outcome will stay the same where words are promised but the actions never change. I'm so lost, I love him so much but knowing what I know now I don't know if I should give him another chance and work the relationship out or leave.
TLDR: BF is unsure about our relationship, and doesn't know if he sees a future with me. However, he still wants to make things work. Do I stay and work out our problems or leave?
Any and all advice is appreciated, thank you :)

We met less than a year ago (Maybe 10 months?). We are in the university, both students. We met through a mutual friend. At the start, I thought she was great. She is super welcoming and generally positive. Very zen. However, I don't know if she was just being super nice when meeting new people or if something has changed but now she feels like a new person. Honestly, I think I was just following what she wanted to do and now that I'm not, she is becoming more critical.
The main problem is how I feel like she doesn't really think about how others feel. Our friend group really wants to go on vacation, and she told me that we could just decide the dates between us for the group (i.e. don't ask the group). She was asking me to come visit every time we talk (for two weeks), but If I ask her to visit me, she says it's too far for her to travel. She also keeps touching me, just like holding onto my arm and touching my shoulder, and I've told her to stop, which then she makes an unhappy groan and mutters under her breath about how "I'm not good". She also comments on what I am eating all of the time, especially the amount. She has also tried to stop me from eating certain foods (instant ramen). I see how some of it comes from a place of care, but frankly, it's not her place. If I call her out on any behavior or words, she either cries oand says I'm being rude/wrong.
To be fair, she is super stressed about many things in her life. We are also both very stubborn and do not compromise easily.
She already went home for 2 months, and I thought a break might help our relationship. But she came back 2 weeks ago and started acting the same. I'm really sick and tired of it. I make plans every time she wants to visit so I don't have to be alone with her. I really want to end my friendship with her. My mom said I should just graduate then never talk to her again. But I have another year and I can't imagine another year of unwanted touches, being blamed for calling her out, and generally avoiding this girl. I've never had a relationship where I needed to be the one to break it off (I've only had mutual friendship breakups). Considering we have mutual friends, I'm not sure how this will affect them. I also don't want to hurt her. I know I'm asking the impossible, but how should I do it? Does anyone have a success story? Should I wait for graduation to keep the peace?

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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Does it Get Easier?
I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
Now, here is where things went wrong. He has a foot fetish, and him being the best guy I have ever been with, I let him endure his fetish. We never really discussed boundaries, however we always asked for consent. However, one night, he got carried away after giving me a foot massage and crossed an insane boundary that I was uncomfortable with. I just laid there, I couldn't speak or move. He finished, and he looked at me, frozen. He immediately turned over and was so embarrassed and said that if I wanted to break up with him it would be okay.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?

I personally think that a lot of people in our community believe that subliminals that use 3k+ affirmations or something along those lines is more likely to give you faster results, so subliminals with more affirmations get more views but sometimes because of the excessive amount of affirmations, I experience immense fatigue. And also, whenever I listen to certain subliminals, the affirmations are sometimes not explicitly stated, or maybe I'll occassionally get nightmares if I listen to them overnight. I don't have proper words to explain this, but sometimes it's harder to find the 'perfect' subliminal, so I am contemplating if I should make my own subliminals, or if I should continue listening to the more trusted and popular creators.

I can't sleep, and I have some truth to spill.
A few months ago, my colleague and I argued because he wouldn't take my advice over a DeWalt drill, we use all Makita tools here, and it seems meaningless to buy new chargers and batteries for a different line of power tools. I shared that question here, and oh boy I got smacked in the face. https://www.reddit.com/Dewalt/comments/1clmntl/are_they_trying_to_dupe_me_universal_power_tool/
Now, I'm over that. He can get whatever he likes, that's his right, I understand that. BUT! Why there're so many of y'all are defending the Youtuber and that third-party battery brand?
discombobulated38x has 3 upvotes cuz he mentioned that he trusts Dean and TTC? Kubuntu55 got 5 upvotes cuz he said these youtubers did a lot of tests? Oh my gooooood,. No-Names-Left-Here got 36 upvotes cuz he said "I'd trust that youtuber over you too." Don't you see this is a personal attack on my specialty? because of what? A third party battery?
Universal Power Tool Battery in concept is good, but there is no way it's good, I don't even need to watch youtube videos or visit their website to know how ridiculous this product is bad.
Nothing good comes along without loyalty, you are loyal to your friend, and he will give you a hand when you are in need, that's the same with your relationship with the brand! My dealer gives me a 5% cut every time. Expensive batteries mean good batteries, unlike that stupid "universal battery" which I saw a facebook post today, you know what they did? 50% off discount! no sh*t! Any reliable brand ever does that? It only makes me more skeptical. My advice to you all! If you see a "universal power tool battery" with 50% off like this, run off! I can't recall when is the last time I'm wrong. You will thank me later.

Here. And I’d like to start by noticing that Steve Sailer is obviously Delicious Taco’s dad. Having said this.
Good episode. Lots of engagement which I suppose is a net positive for all involved. Obviously a lot of the injury stems from a distortion. The episode’s content fantasized and in fantasy warped into something constituting a threat (no, an outright assault) to the listener’s person. One can simply listen to the episode and see that some (in fact the bulk) of the negative responses are from people reacting to some spectral absent-presence rather than to the people actually saying over the course of the 2 hour long episode and to what was being discussed. The voices and the discourse have instead been shaped into sonic receptacle containing the reflection of something wildly ugly. Injuriously ugly.
Past few days have been brutal. Found myself doom-viewing the main sub, should know better at this age. Feels like I’ve been transmogrified into an absurd and wretched thing. Must've transgressed against a gnome or something. Fascinating to think about.
I would like nothing more than to shame you.
Miami Summer is a killer. Urine is blood-orange. My mother deserves better sons.
Why would A&D do this?
Witnessing the rankest comments. In bygone age I’d found them tolerable. Having imagined them delivered by high society homosexual. A damned dandy; chubby, sinister, and flamboyant. Capri on a stick limply held between index and middle fingers, twirling wrist ash’ing on expensive Persian rug. The blurry ghosts of his mother and the kid brother who drowned in the pond all those years ago glaring at him from far-off corner. Clearing throat he launches into sing-song slander head peeling back cackling at his own wickedness. Vile and venomous but charming. Instead what we get is 30+ year old mentally-ill men. Men whose Twitter activity has atrophied their cock and balls. Genitals withering away like the Worker's State, in its place a gasping cloaca, worry not I can clock em from miles away. The odious cloaca-havers are soon joined by ruined drug-addled children and the other women. They talk about A&D in disgusting ways. This is unfair and nasty. I confess to being angry. Sweating blood-specked kerosene. Let the scent fill up the empty air between us. My rage singing those overgrown nose hairs.
Of the two I think Anna is the one that inspires the harshest parasocial spite. So much so that I’d recommend she take some protective measures against evil eye and tongue. Maybe take baths with hyssop herb, rose water perfume, and holy water.
It’s as if Anna Khachiyan is a Giant Floating Vagina with teeth and a noticeable overbite. Viewed from another angle it transforms into a Madonna encircled by cherubim. Perhaps we are cruel to Anna in order to be kind to our mothers.
All very pre-Oedipal.
Had to step back and parse it out. Anna draws a comparison between herself and Sailer while also asking him a great question,
07:12-07:49
Anna: “I started reading it during the pandemic because it was the pandemic. I was pregnant and bored and I really relate to you as a person who everyone thinks is like evil and monstrous on the internet, but is actually like quite agreeable and mild mannered in real life. And I was going to ask you this question last, but I may as well just ask it now. How do you feel about your new found popularity? And especially, how do you feel about the fact that you have been effectively adopted by or identified with the hard right?”
The first part of the above extract, the sympathetic recognition, brings to mind a bit of 20th century Hermetic theory concerning harmful thought-forms. Our unconscious self-destructive impulses animating the fantasy-phantasm of the other. Inhabiting their shape. Gaining a degree of autonomy. This artificial entity is vampiric by default, provoking what the Czech magician Franz Bardon calls a "magical persecutory complex"... He goes into detail about such entities in Step VI of his seminal work, Initiation into Hermetics. Describing different types of artificial elementals and phantasms along with details on how to consciously go about creating and dissipating them. One of those artificial psychic entities, the one that concerns us, he calls the schemata. Bardon details two variants, one connected with paranoid persecutory fantasies and the other with erotic obsession. The first type comes about when someone who is “easily excitable, easily influenced or self-important” (Narcissist?) has a run in with another person who has, to put it mildly, a memorable visage and dark personality. The schemata is born from the phantasm modeled after this demonic-looking disagreeable person. The victim begins to attribute all kinds of minor inconveniences to the influence of the ugly person. Deludes themselves into thinking that the ugly/disagreeable person is a powerful black magician. Everything appears to reinforce their paranoid delusions. The schema grows in power feeding off the anxieties of their creatohost. The person might end up committing suicide. This was the persecutory schemas desire, having achieved its goal Bardon notes, “how great is the shock when such a spirit realizes on the mental plane that he has committed a very successful magical suicide. What a bitter disappointment! The demonic looking person, however, has no idea what happened; he was actually only the means to an end.”
God gave us eyes so that we might notice things.
The way I see it:
Being social animals the subject of our fantasy, of our fixations, is the fantasy of the other. What makes the human Human is not that we desire but rather that we desire the desire of the other. An excess desire. We fantasize about what the other is fantasizing and enjoying. Our fantasy of the fantasy of the other is the outlines a fundamental lack within our person, a negativity. Experienced as a splitting of consciousness. Intuiting this lack, becoming aware of it, and attempting to articulate it, we are self-consciousness. This negativity or void is in psychoanalytic terms, the unconscious. We likewise intuit that there had once been some original state. One without lack and contradiction. A state of fullness, without the division between self and object. A harmonious whole. A pure consciousness or as Freud refers to it in Civilization and its Discontents an oceanic feeling. The Original Desire, one that is authentically my own, which was not the desire of the other but which unites our desires in itself. This desire is the extinction of all desires.
The eye that perceives the lovely is at once the eye that perceives what I lack. Perceiving this lack, which explains my present condition, I covet. This is an evil eye. The lover’s gaze is of the same type as the infirm or pathic gaze. Reminded of Zizek’s formulation of one of Hegel’s insights, “Evil resides in the very gaze which perceives Evil all around itself" itself a variation of Meister Eckhart’s “the eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me.” The recognition of evil, the ability to see and judge evil, stems from our ability to recognize disparity. This disparity is already present within our own person, the split-consciousness. The feeling cognized, the awareness of our condition as beings separated from the whole. The clairvoyance of the tyrant and the philosopher.
Suppose that psychopathology is born from our inability to recognize an image as an image.
I intuit something more in this person, something they’re hiding. It can’t just be envy, no. It has to be because I can feel that this thing they’re hiding is sinister. It can’t just be that I feel animosity towards this person, no. It has to be because this person is evil and not just an isolated evil but rather a symptom of a much larger evil. An evil that is responsible for all the suffering in the World, for why my World isn’t the way it should be. It can’t just be attraction, no. It has to be that I intuit something more in this person, something hidden, that I must destroy in order to go on living.
If vile shit comes to mind (as vile things often do, especially when one is immersed in ambient algorithmically-summoned vileness, namely outrage and atrocity porn) they won't affirm it to themselves or try to justify or rationalize it or present it as a rational political stance. And they don’t abstract this particular form of vileness into the primary lens through which they view and interpret cultural phenomena. Unreflexive racial animosity is ugly and fetid. We’re capable of recognizing it, feeling it, as something pathological. We’re also capable of laughing at it. Laughing at ourselves. Look at what our ladies have to say about Stuart Seldowitz (the dude who went viral harassing a halal street vendor) in I’ll Be Missinger. “He sucks,” “he’s a loser,” “he’s obviously sick,” and that he gives the impression of someone who lives alone, will die alone, and will be found weeks or even months after the fact.
Perhaps Red Scare is special in how it manages to elicit absurd, wildly inappropriate responses from listeners. Vulgar and revelatory was it? Steve Sailer elicits a similar response and has become an expert in turning said absurd reactions to his advantage. Generally the cooler-head in any given exchange. While the other person shouts obscenities at a ghost, smashing fists against the post, looking crazy, like a proper hysteric. Sailer breaks the fourth-wall, making eye-contact with the would-be noticer, with a little shake of the head, a little chuckle, a little shrug… “you’re noticing right? See what I have to put up with? Imagine these people defining my legacy.” Still he seems to take it with the good humor of an uncle who will still call you on your birthday, despite your drunken outburst during holiday get-together he will admit to not having resisted the temptation to provoke you, it use to be fun, recall all the cool bands I introduced you too? We use to be best buds, “do you really think anything I’ve said merits this sort of response? Honestly?”
Has to be a cheap trick. A technique employed by an old trickster in decades long honing of craft. Maybe not. Maybe what we see is precisely what we get. Most of the very upsetting things being jokes sincerely intended to lighten the mood. Steve Sailer doesn’t care about the particular political orientation of his audience. He just cares that he has an audience. Grateful for the fans he has. Nonetheless happy that they’re not seething malcontent racists. Even if one disagrees with the methodology, the heuristic, the conclusions. That’s secondary, perhaps even tertiary to the recognition sought. His craftsmanship as a writer.
Why I loved his conflict with Will Stancil. Stancil inspired a lot of pondering for me. Putting things in place…
01:29:22-01:29:28
Anna: “You come for the race science and stay for the prose-styling and vivid story-telling.”
In trying to survive as a writer exiled from Mainstream Conservative media (ConInc) during the Bush Jr years. In fact, correct me if I’m wrong but the cancelation that actually impacted Steve Sailer, setting him down the path we find him in, was brought about not by blue-haired hall monitor millennial leftists but by his “fellow” Conservatives. I imagine that he just went with whoever was willing to take him adapting to the editorial standards and audience sensibilities of the publications willing to provide him succor. Not charity mind you but an ability to engage in his own little labor of love.
Read some Sailer. Might get into that later. But that’s the initial impression I got from Steve. Would be utterly mortified if memorialized as a Racialist Ideologue rather than as an entertaining and thought-provoking journalist. Think I also benefited from seeing how he’s actually received by people who are navigating through (or in certain cases, are mired in) the marginal “Hard Right”-spaces or the Rightwing Digital Ghetto. End up realizing that he isn’t hateful, that what you see is precisely what you get, that he privileges craft over ideology, that his reception and exile from Neocon dominated media outlets (remember these are the people gushing ecstatic over the US invasion of Iraq, manufacturing consent for our adventures in the Middle East) was exceedingly unfair but that he nonetheless managed to persevere. And that he really never goes beyond Norm McDonald in terms of his sardonic wit or The Boondocks animated series in terms of his criticisms. His normality is a great source of stability and comfort for his readers; “noticing” and speculating about these topics doesn’t necessarily lead to one becoming a seething racist.
Returning for a moment to Will Stancil, this was what he inspired:
As the last man standing I spend countless hours immersed in detailed fantasies about the coming apocalypse and my enemy's bliss. A dumb and wicked happiness proportional to my suffering. Easy to imagine other people happy. Hearts unbroken. Unburdened, hydrated, sexually satisfied, debt-free, lucky, successful in all business endeavors. Brute, jezebel, schemer, parasite, rival, betrayer... the whole lot of them thriving. Frolicking in my mind's eye. When the time comes I won't forget that they were happy while...others...suffered.
Find that trying to void your mind of all thought or sit perfectly still for 10 minutes. End up feeling like something requires much less energy from us than nothing. Causes coalescing. Conspiring, to what ends?
You see. The very same principle appears to be at work here. Same pathological base that undergirds genuine racial or ethnic animosity. Fantasizing about the other’s enjoyment and being unable to distinguish between the persecutory Phantasm and the actual human being whose shape it appropriates.
Had a friend recommend forgetting. Forgetting is a dialectical exercise, first you have to acknowledge the thing living rent free in your head and acknowledge its origins... then you have to take the steps to stop feeding it. Letting the thought-form dissolve. Let it be put to rest. Reminded of the practice Orthodox Christian contemplatives call Nepsis.
Other approaches as well, acknowledging the presence of anima veiled in shadow.
But listen…
The podcasts I consume, are a reflection of me as a person. Being what I associate and consume. What does it say about me in particular? Reveal about me? That they should have Steve Sailer on the pod. Settling down. Perhaps some responses could be understood in this light. That a Sailer episode reflects poorly on the listener. Constituting a great betrayal of the love and energy and time I have dedicated over the years to you.
I’m not a racist.
Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are. The most punitive and brutal god. The idea of the AI nu-god being this, utilizing that standard, is horrifying. Show me your likes on Twitter and I’ll tell you who you are, everything you are, and whether or not you qualify to live.
Shamed, I quietly remove the upvote I gave to the hysterical person and the downvote I gave to him.
Hysteria like a yawn is an empathic contagion.
Back to Anna it’s not because she’s ugly and it sucks that she might nurse this delusion. I actually think Anna is really pretty. Rather I think it’s because she’s a mom. She registers as a maternal figure. That’s one of the reasons I think people respond to her the way they do. As stated earlier. We are cruel to Anna in order to forgive our moms.
[To be continued: Wherein I say horrible things that should never be said to the people I claim to love. Will also interrogate Sailor Socialism]

With the release of patch notes for 3.23.1, we now have all medical beds acting as respawn points. The problem everyone has with it is that it will make tier 1 and tier 2 beds obsolete. Also spawn camping is something that needs to be taken into consideration.
What if we : 1. Make the tier 3 beds retain tier 1 & 2 injuries on respawn to overcome the first issue. Refer to the TRE link below for explanation of lore. Tbh I’m not as stuck up about lore as it is a made up thing and can definitely be adjusted to accommodate any future changes (the game features should be above made up lore and the lore should be adjusted around features not the other way round). 2. The respawn can have timers if they are spammed, like the more you respawn, the next respawn will take longer, higher tier beds can have lower time intervals but they too can have respawn timers. This will make players think before backspacing as they will have to wait for regeneration. It doesn’t have to be very punishing in the start but when you spam it, only then it will start punishing. Like respawning every half an hour is fine, but every 2 mins is not. 3. The regeneration material for respawning will be limited like fuel and once used up in a ship, we will have to refuel it from a station or city that has a medical center.
TRE : https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/spectrum-dispatch/18327-Loremakers-Guide-To-Regeneration
P.S. Known commonly as an ‘echo,’ this is the term used to describe the link between an imprint and its source. When a major traumatic event occurs, such as death or even regeneration itself, the psychological impact of it can sometimes be strong enough to permanently alter the imprint. For example, if a person’s legs are crushed prior to death, there’s a possibility that an echo will be created that will alter the imprint so that the individual’s legs are no longer functional. Echos are the reason why patients may regenerate bearing the scars and wounds of how they died and why only one copy of a person can exist at a time. Regeneration itself also creates echos, and over time an individual’s imprint will degrade and become less viable. This is also why imprints cannot be used to extend life as the process of aging itself echos through the imprints. However, testing has shown that the higher quality the medical equipment and sphere, the less severe the impact of echos will be.

In short- My job isn’t hard but my manager is making it difficult.
Firstly, I came from a high-stress high-demand underpaid Finance job, to a workplace where expectations are clearly outlined, people aren’t expected to work late and I am paid more money. Perfect.
We are a team of women (wonderful) but sometimes I feel we make things way more difficult than it should be.
When I started I had a lot of knowledge about our industry and when I shared this knowledge with the team, my manager undermined me and said I was wrong. I also have knowledge about some of our clients and their internal structure- she also said I was wrong about a company I used to work for. I worked in finance then and was part of a huge restructure.
I am used to submitting holiday, and it being rejected or approved. My new manager will talk at the beginning of each meeting about holiday, what she has to move around to get it approved, and wants to chat about what I am doing with my holiday. It feels like we are causing her stress when we submit leave and the discussions go on for weeks sometimes.
We had a team meeting a few weeks ago where the whole team listened to us talk about my holiday and how she was going to move shifts to get it approved. I find it super unprofessional as it’s not up to me to advise her what shifts to move about etc. I’ve noticed she does not do this with my colleagues.
She has mentioned my colleague’s weight loss goals in our 121’s. She told our entire team my partner was going to propose to me in a quarterly teams call (called it out in front of everybody) when I never said he was. I said I he was ‘popping to the shop’ when we were signing off for the day. She assumed ‘pop’ meant ‘pop the question’ since it was near Christmas?
In our 1-2-1’s she always says ‘I don’t want you getting overwhelmed’. I have never said I am overwhelmed and she mentioned last week that she used this wording in relation to me, TO HER MANAGER, which I am upset about. I asked if she has any concerns with my work, and she doesn’t. She has mentioned many times that she is overwhelmed and seems to be projecting this on to me.
I am not responding well to her overly-emotional approach to management at all. I have noticed other people in my team get treated differently because they are closer with their families. For example I worked over Christmas last year and said I would prefer to be off this year. She said ‘x person’ and ‘x person’ needs to see their family. I feel like I’m now I’m competition with my co-workers to make the most compelling case to have time off in December!
I have also realised today that she has lied to me and my colleagues have more access in the system than I do. I asked for access to something and I have been told it’s only available to a certain level of employee, which is not true. I would prefer if she just said ‘you can’t have access’ as I’m not bothered but I would prefer not to be lied to!
We are also alone together 1 day a week and I’ve noticed there will only be a period of 1 hour where she makes herself available. She does give great support when we are touching base but does talk more than necessary and often confuses matters. If I correct her she doesn’t listen and will carry on down the same path. I’ve also noticed she interrupts and won’t stop talking until the other person has stopped.
I have never raised a grievance at work and I don’t feel the above is reason enough to speak to her manager. However, I don’t feel this person is the right person to be representing my best interests to upper management and it is now getting me down. Should I just leave?

Now I know people are gonna say “Oh you’re 18, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” That’s not how I look at things unfortunately.
I’m in the army and stuck at my duty station, I am being released in about two-three weeks. She knows this but still decided to break it off. I asked her if we could talk about it when I get home and she said yes.
Our first date was when I was on leave for a week in February. We hung out and kissed, the last day when I dropped her off she said “don’t worry about me moving on, I’ll wait for you” or words to that effect. Now I’m sitting here at 6 in the morning wishing I would’ve never joined. It seems like the army has fucked my life up.
She’s had a crush on me for a few years and we finally did something about it and 2 months later she’s ending it. She specified that it has nothing to do with me as a person and that it’s unfair to continue as im not there to build our relationship.
Is this salvageable?

This beef is beyond hip-hop. It’s an orchestrated attack.
Observing the sequence of events in retrospect, I have begun to suspect this wasn’t beef getting personal. There has been build-up, baiting and intentional sabotaging.
Whether or not what Kendrick is claiming is true, I believe he believes it is, and we are witnessing a concerted effort to expose Aubrey Graham as a predator and deviant in the entertainment industry.
Family Matters is one of the best songs he’s made and the peak of Drake's side of the beef so far. That was his ‘red button' and what he thought would end it. But now he’s gassed out and scrambling. There’s nothing left for OVO.
This battle showed why Kendrick is an actual musical artist, and making music is his craft. Its not just something thrown together in a day that's catchy, so it flows. We need that music too. But that's where Drake messed up. Real musical artists choose every single word meticulously. It tells a story, it makes you feel, provides a deep message.
Not always a club banger. But that's not its purpose. Drake was drawing as Mr. doodle, while Kendrick was painting masterpieces such as Michelangelo
Cole did the mature thing by peacing out. This was clearly a more personal thing between Dot and Drake. He foresaw what was written in blood on the walls.
Bringing it back. Looking from k dot's perspective, I doubt this was ever about rap. Rap was just the platform used to carry out his attack. No regrets from k dot. Now he proved that he fights fire with fire. Protecting his friends, family and the culture

I (22F) just split from my (23M) boyfriend of a year. He is not the first person I have been with, but he is my first love. He is the first person to make me feel valued. We had our minor arguments and miscommunication, as every couple does, however a few weeks ago it took a turn.
Let me say, I'm not perfect. I would shut down and be petty after arguments, which I now see and I am working on. He wasn't perfect either, as he struggled with confrontation. He would sometimes just try to keep me happy with gifts, showering me with my favorite gifts (flowers, stuffed animals, trinkets from my favorite movies/shows, etc.)
We usually talked out these issues, and we would say that we want each other so we could work through it. I felt that I was growing, but I struggled with depression and anxiety that shut me down. He also struggled with anxiety, however he has a great support system, with tons of friends and close familial relationships, meanwhile I come from a broken family, scattered friends, etc.
Now, here is where things went wrong. He has a foot fetish, and him being the best guy I have ever been with, I let him endure his fetish. We never really discussed boundaries, however we always asked for consent. However, one night, he got carried away after giving me a foot massage and crossed an insane boundary that I was uncomfortable with. I just laid there, I couldn't speak or move. He finished, and he looked at me, frozen. He immediately turned over and was so embarrassed and said that if I wanted to break up with him it would be okay.
In loving him, I immediately forgave him. I said I was uncomfortable after. I went home, and the next day after we agreed to meet because we both needed support. I couldn't tell anyone, except my therapist, same with him, so we met up to offer support for each other. He gave me a card saying, "it will be awkward but we will get through this," along with a few gifts like a preserved flower, a few gift cards, which I took reluctantly, feeling like he was trying to buy my forgiveness back. I told him I felt, "violated," as that is the word my therapist gave me. I didn't know any better, and I wish I could take it back, because it broke him. He cried, while I sat there awkwardly, I did not know what to do in that situation. We ended up saying that we wanted to get through this together, but we needed space.
We took a few days of space, but it got to me. I have an anxious attachment style, whereas he has an avoidant attachment style. We usually call every night, even if it's just a simple, "goodnight," but he did not want to. My sleep schedule has been affected ever since. He said he could not bear to see me, due to the embarrassment and shame he felt. I eventually could not take the distance, and asked him why we couldn't go back to normal, as I had forgave him. He then told me that he was hurting too, which I couldn't see until after (I know this was my fault and I am beating myself over it.)
Two days later, I DoorDashed him food, and when he got it, he called me saying that we needed to talk. He then came over and broke up with me, and I cannot handle it. I begged him, saying we could work through it, and all relationships take work. He then said he took full accountability for the situation, but he could not give me a relationship that I deserved, and it wasn't fair to either of us. He said I was too immature and he lost trust in me to be able to communicate when I am uncomfortable.( I have only froze one time, and I usually was very communicative when I was upset.)
The memories are flooding my brain, as I went to his house 3 or 4 times a week, stayed over on the weekends, and basically did everything with him because all my other friends were busy. He was my best friend and my everything.
When we broke up, I asked him if he lied on the card, that we would get through it. He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." All of the cards that he wrote me saying he wanted to do this with me, and move forward, were all lies. When i was gathering his stuff from my room, he kept trying to call me "Baby" or "Babe" and it broke me.
I have reached out to friends and they have been really great with what they can offer, as we are all still in school or in a career. My sleep has been affected, and finals are coming up next week.
I can't do anything without thinking about him. I feel like a part of me has died.
Essentially, does it get better? Do we have a shot? I know there are things we need to work on, but the fact that I cannot stop thinking about it has to mean something, right?

I cannot remember a word he used in S1, when he is arguing with relatives or people close to the victim, and he provokes to cold reading them, then when that person says stuff like "I'm sure you are very insecure mr jane, i feel shame for you..." And janes replies "ah, thats (the word missing, something close to reflection)" Like when the person says something accusing jane but in fact he is describing more about him/her self.

Part 1
I ended up buying a house at the edge of this town.... before i knew all the bullshit that was goin' on around here. Got bored and went down to the local sheriff Jack and asked about an opening, Didn't even fill out an application, got the job on the spot. For the first few months it was the usual, speeding tickets, drunk and disorderly, normal shit right? Well... let the fuckery commence....
I had been a deputy for 7 months when one of the local farmers called in and reported he had some animals killed last night and wanted someone to come out to his house. John Nixon was a 60 year old farmer who lived by himself. His wife passed away years ago, but he never remarried and they never had kids. We met one day at the local tackle shop. Me being new in town, he took me to some of the good fishin' spots. The man was a huge military history buff and would always ask about my time in. I thought I knew him personally, so i took the call.
As I rolled up to the gate on his property, I saw John standing at the gate with a shotgun. " Hey john, can I ask why you are standing there with that cannon in your hands?" No response, he just stared at me. "John! put that damn shotgun down!!" I yelled. Its like he snapped to out of a trance. "Mason, i need you to come round the back side of the house to the barn, now!" he snapped.
"OK, OK, let me get outta the car and grab some gear." I said opening the car door. While i was grabbing my gear, John was standing there with his eyes scanning the tree line. "Come on mason! you need to see this!" He said heading towards the back. I closed the trunk and started walking over in his direction.
"So what the hell is going on that's got you walking around here with that damn bazooka?" No response, he just keeps walking and scanning the tree line. We finally got to the back of his house where the barn is. It looked like a horror movie in that pen.
"What the fuck happened here!?!" I said covering my mouth. There were pieces of chickens and goats everywhere, a few pigs looked like they had been filleted. "Its back mason, after all these years" John mumbled. "John what the hell are you talking about? what did this?" I asked.
John took his eyes off the tree line and looked me dead in the face. "Your not from here so you dont know." "Know what man? what are you saying?" I asked getting annoyed now. "Years ago this same thing happened to a few guys I know. All of their livestock had been killed. Not killed and eatin', just killed. It got people 'round here up in arms. Well, a few of us got together and decieded we were gonna look for whatever did it" he said. "What the hell are you telling me john?" I interrupted. "There were four of us. We were young, thought we were bullet proof. We went out into the woods one morning, determined to find the damn thing that had been killing our animals.
Tommy was the first to say something. "Hey, did you guys hear that?". The rest of us didnt hear a thing, so we kept moving. We got about three miles deep into the old pine forest at the edge of town. Will was the next to say something, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" he yelled out while looking down at the mud. We ran over to where he was standing to find him wide eyed. "I dont know what the actual fuck did this, but we..we need to go and I mean right fucking now!!!" he said pointing. This track was huge, at least 14 inches long with huge claws. Gerald spoke up "Let's fuckin' go guys!!".
We started back tracking out of the area, when we were stopped cold in our tracks, we all heard it this time. It was coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same damn time. A sickening, shrieking laugh was coming from all around us. We panicked and starting runnin'. As soon as we did that, whatever was making that noise centered as if right behind us, and it was coming fast, ungodly fast" John said eyeing the remains of a chicken that was torn apart.
"We were about a mile from the trucks when I heard a thud and a scream, when i looked back Gerald wasn't there. Will and tommy were right behind me, terror all over their faces. Tommy pulled his pistol and started shooting backwards. Only one shot rang out before something tackled him and Will. I stopped, raising my rifle, but they had already been torn apart. It was seconds, and they were in shreds" John said.
"Mason, what i saw standing over their shredded bodies has haunted me since then. The fucking thing was nine feet tall, shaped like a man, but not. Its skin, or or scales was a mixture of black and grey and it looked slimy. It looked like a damn bodybuilder with hugh claw like hands. Its head was massive, with what looked like horns coming from the jaw to around the chin. Its eyes, glowed bright green in the middle of the fucking day, and it had a mouth full of fucked up jagged teeth." He said lowering his head.
"I jus.. just stood there, waitng for my turn. This thing paced back and fourth, staring at me, with this creepy damn smile. It looked down at Will and Tommy, then it looked back up at me. My heart almost stopped when it pointed and shook its head at me. It started making that shrieking laugh as it grabbed what was left of my friends in each giant claw and walked off into the woods, still fucking laughing. I fell to my knees as it vanished into the trees."
I stood there, thinking he lost his damn mind. John had stopped talking, he had this way off look in his eyes. "John..., john.., JOHN!!" his eyes snapped back to mine. "So what are you telling me? A nine foot creature with claws killed your friends and animals?!" I half mocked. "Yea.... thats what i'm telling you. Its back for me, i know it." "What makes you think it was this thing you say killed your friends? It could have been coyotes" I asked " I know mason, i heard that same horrible shrieking laugh in the woods behind the barn last night."
Now I’ve heard some real bullshit in my time, especially during my time in the contracting field... But this was the most out there shit I had ever heard.
"Alright, alright... let's just take a big ass step backwards. I need to wrap my head around all of this." I said takin a deep breath. John laid the shotgun down to his side. "I'm telling you the truth mason. i'm too old and tired to lie about shit" he said shrugging. I looked deep into this man’s eyes. When I did, I saw something that told me this was the absolute truth as he knew it. " You haven’t given me any reason to doubt you... but fuck man... this is hard to swallow. I need proof John, that's the way this works." A look of frustration washed over his weathered face.
"Proof?! you want proof huh? follow me" John groaned.
He started walking towards the tress behind the barn. As we got closer to the trees, I started to smell rusty copper. Blood I thought out loud. John raised his shotgun as we walked closer. That damn gun had to be illegal, but this wasn’t the time for that. Him raising that gun made me a lil' uneasy, so I pulled my Glock 9mm out and flipped the safety off.
John owned about 90 acres, most of it unkept. A lot of the land was behind the barn which butted up to a state forest. We took about 12 steps into the wood line when the smell of death hit me like a brick. "I'm taking you to where I heard the noise coming from last night... your PROOF is out there Mason" He said with a slight edge to it.
We walked almost a hundred yards into the woods when john stopped in front of a tree. It looked twisted and warped all the way to its top. I stepped around John and saw huge claw marks cut deep all the way around the base of the tree, it's hard to even call it that. "What the hell is this?" I said looking up. "This is a marker, it's territory starts here" John replied. I looked at john like he was crazy, which at this point I thought he was. "This thing travels throughout these woods. I've found five more of these trees in our town" he said putting a hand on the tree.
"This isn’t telling me anything John, just that you've got a weird ass tree on your property" I said back to him. "Do you hear that?" So we could move this mess forward, I stopped talking and just listened. I hadn't noticed that during our walk into the woods it had got quiet, and I mean not one sound. " What the hell? where did all the animals go?" I asked looking around. "They're scared mason... you should be too. Let's get back to the house."
We turned and started making our way out of the woods. We were damn near the tree line when I heard a snap. I turned around, gun raised to see a black streak dart back deeper into the woods. "What the fuck was that?!" All John said was "we need to leave, now!" We turned and started sprinting the rest of the way out of the woods. I was surprised at how fast john was for an old man. We got all the way back to my patrol car. "I don't know what that was, but I don't think you should stay here tonight John. Pack some stuff and come to my place" I said pointing my gun at the trees. John just let out a sigh as if frustrated and defeated.
"You weren't listenin'. The pine forest, these trees, it’s all connected. I’m talkin’ bout before this area was even inhabited by native peoples. This fucking thing has been around for a very long time. I have been looking into this since that day, I had to find out what it was and if it can be killed" he tried to explain. The whole time john was talking I had my eyes and weapon pointed at the trees. " You can put that down mason, it just wanted you to know it's here" He said.
"John, I to need process this shit. I've never seen or heard anything like this and to be straight with you, I’m at a loss right now" I said opening the trunk. "I get it, I get it. The sheriff jack was a deputy back then. When you see him... tell him I said the dark is here..." And with that, he just turned his back and walked back into his house not saying another word.
I got back in the car and sat there. Looking at the treeline. After a few minutes I went back to the station. I must've walked in with that universal what the fuck look on my face, because Cathy the clerk asked what was wrong with me. I told her I was fine and asked if she had seen the sheriff? "Yeah, he is in the gun cage. Are you sure you’re ok Mason?" She asked again.
"Yeah, I'm good, just need to talk to Jack." I started walking towards the back of the building, when Jack came around the corner. "Hey mason, what's up?" he says walking up to me. "I just got back from John's house." The look on his face completely changed. "He had a bunch of animals killed last night. It looked like a slaughterhouse. He told me to tell you the dark was back?" I told him noticing his reaction.
Jack stiffened up and not saying a word gestured for me to follow him towards the back security door. We headed towards the back and out the door. Jack had stopped to make sure the door was secure then pointed at his truck and said "get in."
After getting in he looked over "I need some coffee" then started the truck up and headed west out of the parking lot towards the coffee shop. He ordered a large black coffee with extra sugar then asked if I wanted one. "I'll take a small black, no sugar." We pulled out and headed east back past the station. We ended up driving towards the edge of the county. "What's going on and why are we heading way the hell out here?" I looked at jack and said.
Jack just took a long sip of his coffee then placed it back in the holder.
After a long breath "You want some answers about what happened at Johns' house... I’m sure he told you about a few other things about this town... well we're gonna go get you some answers" He said looking at a black sedan passing in the opposite direction. "Aight so, like you mason, I’m not from here either. I was a trooper in New York for a few years before I came down here. I resigned after a call to an old couple’s house" He said reaching for his cup. "My partner Jake and I responded to what was thought to be an animal attack. We were the first on the scene, having been a couple miles away lookin' for speeders.
When we rolled up an older woman came running over to the cruiser. She had a panicked look on her face and just kept repeating "they're dead, they're dead!!" We hopped out and sat her in the back of the car then asked what happened. "I...I... came over to talk to gloria and... and I saw the door open. I walked in yelling her and Alan’s name, but they didn't answer... I found them upstairs... it's horrible!!" She said sobbing. Jake and I drew our weapons and started making the move inside. Like the witness said the front door was open, so we moved in. It smelled like sulfur and blood when we entered. We started clearing rooms. The first floor was clear, so we made our way up the steps.
The smell was overpowering now. We cleared the bathroom, and the two smaller rooms were clear also. The door to the master bedroom was slightly opened. I motioned to Jake and we hit the door.... it looked like some movie shit!! I kid you not. Jake turned and went back into the hallway and threw up. I stepped into the room and... listen I had never seen anything like this before" Jack stammered out.
"These two people were in shreds on the bed, they're insides had been yanked out and thrown around the fucking room. After looking at the bodies I noticed these huge claw marks in the wall, I’m talking if Andre the giant had had a Krueger glove. I stepped back out of the room and radioed to dispatch that we needed more units. I walked back to the front door where Jake was standing hunched over looking out of it.
Parked outside were 3 black SUVs and a black sedan. I counted 11 men dressed in black tactical military gear, some with a type of rifle I had never seen before, but you could tell it was large caliber. The rest with SMG weapons. When i looked over towards the patrol car, one of the men had the door opened and was talking to the witness. He saw us and started our way. He was dressed in all black too and carried what looked like a desert eagle in a chest holster.
When he got closer I got a better look at him. He looked to be in his late 40's with salt and pepper colored hair and a big ass scar that ran down the right side of his face. He got about ten feet from the steps "We appreciate the assistance, but you are no longer needed" He said in deep voice. As he is saying this, one of the other guys escorts the witness out of our car and into the back of that sedan.
The guy started walking away from us "Who are you? and what the fuck is going on?" I yelled at him. He turned with a look on his face that you only see in movies then took a few steps towards us. "Your command has been informed and you are to leave now!" He said raising his hand up towards that holstered pistol. Jake looked at me and shook his head "fuck it, let's go, let them deal with that mess upstairs" he said still coughing then started heading towards the car. I followed him down the steps... looking this guy up and down, checking out the vehicles... for anything that might tell me who we were dealing with.
The only thing I saw was on the assholes uniform... there was a patch on his shoulder. It was an all-black diamond with a weird looking black M in the middle on it. The guy stared us down until we were in the car driving away. He had that pistol in his hand and the other men starting moving into the house. Jake and I didn’t say a word until the radio squawked and we were told to head back to the barracks.
When we got there, we were told to report to the troop commander’s office. Commander Thompson was sitting in his office along with a man in a nice 2-piece suit. The man in the suit stood there quietly while Thompson told us that we never responded to any call out to that farmhouse, and that this was the first and only time he would say it. With that, he dismissed us and and we walked out. The shit didn’t sit well with me, and I ended up resigning a few months later.
I came down here and then that shit in the woods happened. I was on the scene, I saw the claw marks. They looked just like the ones in New York, and the same damn trucks showed up with different personnel. I knew just to shut up and walk away, and after making that choice I have had a pretty good career here." he finished grabbing his cup out of the holder.
My brain was in overdrive. I was just about to completely question bomb jack when he said, "We're here." He pulled off onto this overgrown driveway and drove for about a quarter mile. We pulled up to an old two-story house that looked like it was in ruins... but the lights were on. "Where the hell are we?" I asked As the last word of that question left my mouth, the front door of the house opened... standing in the doorway was a old man, dressed in weathered black clothing. Jack leaned over to me "You wanted answers... well.... there they are."

Hello.
I have always struggled with manners, admittedly. I have always been of the understanding that you say, "Please" when requesting a stranger or a not-so-good friend to do anything. In my head, "please" is a verbal sweetener, emphasizing humility and politeness, and increases the chances of an individual recieving help from someone they do not know or don't know very well.
This entire premise seems to not work for me in the case of close friends, family, and romantic partners. For me, I do not understand the point of saying, "Please", to someone who is close to me. I feel as if, at least on this level, saying "Please" is more of a social obligation than it is an expression of humility and politeness - the idea that a close friend or romantic partner would not grant me the favour I was asking, because I didn't say "Please", seems... Very odd.
There's no level in which I feel comfortable saying "Please" to someone close to me, or hearing it from someone close to me. Here are some example situations.

• A friend asks, "Could I have a biscuit please?' whilst I am eating some biscuits. Why has this person not already helped themselves to biscuits? I wouldn't want to be friends with someone that hoards biscuits for themselves.
  
• A friend asks for a particularly big favour. If the favour is reasonable (which for me is really the only deciding factor to whether I complete said favour) I would view the "Please" as some sort of social ritual - pointless and for show.
  

The use of the word "please" between close individuals to me is a useless task to me. The humility and politeness of saying "Please" can only be relevant if an individual doesn't know me - my close friends, my family, and my partner expecting a "Please" as a prerequisite to a favour just makes me feel weird - surely, the social contract of being close with anyone implies humility and politness - ideally, you wouldn't want to be friends with someone that genuinely treated you badly.
I think for me, the driving force behind this is the idea that close relationships are kind of "on/off" to me. I don't really consider the dynamics of a relationship when asking for things. I also would feel horrid if someone made time for me because I said "Please". That seems utterly stupid.
I hope at least some of that makes sense. I would really appreciate some advice on how to navigate this.