Hello, I am asking on behalf of a friend who is worried about losing their job by making this post.
They work for the VA in VA. and they are a transgender person, they are constantly getting dead named at work and being told that there is nothing that can be done because they have yet to change their legal name.
Is it true that they can do this, or should my friend take it higher as discrimination? They aren't the only person that is being treated this way at that workplace currently so this information could greatly benefit multiple people.
Thank you all in advanced for any information you might have on this.

Well, this year had been very tough for me especially that i moved out and started like in England from an overseas country and study in Scotland which was also another miserable story but it happened by some miracle as well, so yea i go to skl there as I live in on the borders between Scotland and England. Sometimes, you just wish things could’ve been clear in the beginning in some sort of ways in your life, so you could’ve prepared for your future in a more manageable and better way, but since we have no clue what the future holds for us, we have to cope with it that way. For me, when I first moved to the UK, I solemnly wanted to have a degree in medicine (till now but through a whole different, realistic route for now) in a very unrealistic and insane way before. my family and I currently live in England as I said, and since the Scottish government has issued a rule for people being eligible to study in scotland for free if they have lived for 3 years continuously and either they or their parents have ILR (permanent residency) they can apply for fee wavier for uni, so I was on hope for doing an odd plan where we’d move before a certain date, 1st of August, to Scotland and stay in college in Glasgow or Edinburgh for a year and then look for another college which is the only available one that offers advanced highers for medical school and take a gap year and work (as if i were the grandson of queen Elizabeth or smt like everything could be that easy), yet life doesn’t work that way and it never will. I learnt it the hard way tho anyways, turned out after emailing unis, that i can’t be eligible and i became hopeless cuz i will be 19 by that time and won’t be eligible to attend this college as i wouldn’t be connected to a school since this is a rule to be enrolled there. So, I didn’t give up and looked for other routes and stuff (not for medicine tho). I then decided to do physiotherapy and applied to 5 unis (got 2 conditional offers thankfully) one which is very far away and the student accommodation is very expensive and the other is where I live actually so basically, local uni but the local uni requires high grades from me (not very high tho according to what i have already equip from level 3 qualifications) so like I did Alevel Biology before (not in England tho) so yea that stands for 40UCAS points according to the grade i got in this subject. so im literally 88 UCAS points short. However, since I am doing some scottish highers this year (4 subjects), i said to myself yeaaa that’s ezzz who the hell can’t achieve BCCC? and yea turns out that im a big-shot clown LOL i am way too concerned of not even passing like tff!! but yea anyways, this is not really my fault cuz i started skl in November, took me a month to cope with stuff (studies, new life, school, and uni stuff like preparations and interviews and thing like that ofc yk what i mean) so it was a huge shot for me all at once including that i had several fam issues that disturbed my life frr and i was even in a worse state of mind before all of that, so i was completely burnt out ( i couldn’t study, socialise, or even js get out of bed) everything was too stressful and like my whole future is literally relying on lame nonsense subjects like PE and geography PE didn’t make sense at allll especially that i had no resources and for anyone who has previously attained PE in scotland, they will know how much it’s a suffer to study from past papers cuz marking scheme was way too irrelevant with diff answers everytime, and it’s all literally about subjective answers from different candidates as I have observed and not based on curriculum or any sort of model answer 70% of the time, and literally school teachers especially the PE was the worst of all the time. she never helped me with anything even when she tried to, she used to tell me to come to her after school which is literally at 4 and I had to take the train which would arrive at 5:20 if i ever wait for that time and go back home at 6? like sorry mate i aint doing that. she never gave me any resources to study from or any guidance or advice about the whole thingy. her classes were very boring and useless i swear. So yea typically i had to self study “everythinggggg” and by everything i mean everything except for English but yea unless i had all of these previous info about writing aspects and stuff, i swear i could’ve not even made into stepping inside the class. Lol so it’s been basically only me working hard as i already had background about stuff which helped me to some extent cope with the change and not drastically drown. this is attributed to the fact that i used to be in an international british system in my home country so thank god i was or else i would have been cooked. i already got cooked tho so yeah i found that website 3 days before the exam i think it’s called STAPE which quite helped me and it’s my only hope for now, but like brooooo 3 dayss??💀💀 even though i had been searching for monthsssssss i dont know why it appeared to 3 days before the exam this is an argumenet the other argumenet is geography like can u plzz tell me who tf made this syllabus?💀💀 and why are questions worth 8-12 marks on average? and yea like one mark is like a whole line and can sometimes be 2 lines in the marking scheme not to mention that many questions are verryyy similar in answer “marking scheme” even when they are different questions i remember that in the Physical geography section
so yea in a nutshell, SQA is shit asf i mean when it comes to the british system for PE, you basically study pure Human Physiology and Biomechanics. like why the hell isn’t it that way for SQA? why does it no make sense?? like frr doesn’t make sense at all and it’s such a crap subject i see. No offense, but like im very glad SQA is going to be scrapped forever and the next generations dont have to go through this.
so yea guys this us my short-long story LMFAO im js so desperate and devasted rn cuz i can’t believe that PE is now deciding on whether or not i will have a future oh and let’s add geo to the latter
whomever’s reached this point, i beg u not to do those two subjs ever, drop out school easier now guys all i want from u is to wish me luck or death cuz im dead either ways after what sqa did to me ik this whole thread was too random speaking abt diff aspects and stuff but yea it’s js my miserable life story LOL

title says it all, really.
I got the legendary edition in the steam sale & fell in love with ME1, while some of the dialogue could be a bit cringe worthy I had an absolute blast with the combat, looting and exploration granted by the end I barely even bothered looking at the equipment menu.
I cannot place it exactly but 2 just is not landing with me for some reason, I am not a huge fan of how the combat feels especially since a lot of the abilities seem to have been nerfed to the point of being next to useless, thought I'd switch from soldier to infiltrator and oh boy was that a mistake, stuck using weapons I do not really enjoy apart from the sniper, my abilities don't seem to do much and I feel kinda squishy, lesson learned.
I'm also not very big on what I feel is a pretty heavy dead space influence on ME2, something about how it all couples together with the mass effect style of exploration just turns me off of the game rather quickly, however I do enjoy scanning planets & the revamped upgrade system but it all starts falling away from me as soon as the combat starts, I don't find the game particularly difficult per-se at least not like DS/souls-like difficulty however pretty much every combat encounter seems to consist of a mish-mash of really light but surprisingly high dps enemies with a couple of super sponges thrown in to prolong the combat as much as possible.
I'll definitely finish the game, at some point, however after the excitement I had to play ME2 after finishing 1 I'm now a bit apprehensive about playing 3 once I'm finished. if the combat and story are just a direct continuation of what is going on in ME2 I'll be kinda disappointed honestly.
I should mention I skipped these games entirely at release, I was not huge on dialogue/narrative focused games as a kid/young teenager and especially not space exploration games but I have always heard good things about the original trilogy, especially 2 and I guess I'm a bit sad that I don't (yet?) see or understand what it is that makes this game so many people's favorite of the series. sorry for the rambling.

Man i dont even know why i feel so pathetic. Its so weird for me to be serious but i’m so alone in this world i really need advice. To sum it up my parents divorced, stopped going to school for long periods of time in order to fix my depression. I can literally sleep all day and when I wake up I just feel empty and just lay on my bed staring at the ceiling for me to fall back asleep again. I missed so much, while everyone is talking about prom or what colleges they want to go to. I’m here just a failure and I have many people reminding me that. I tried on so many occasions to start going back to school, talking to friends, trying to get professional help. But, its so hard. I just wish all of my worries would go away. I wish life was easier. I wish i was dead. I lost myself, whenever i look in the mirror i just break down. I have no one to talk to my problems about, the realization that i’m all alone in this world hits hard.

Look. I know. She hits like a truck. Most of the time, all enemies are dead before I know it. But sometimes I mess up the combo (and I'm playing without a reliable shielder) so she manages to die in the middle of the overworld (...sometimes due to on fire grass). And I know I can teleport to a statue and fix it, but that's still kind of annoying to do mid-exploration.
Do people actually manage to revive her with food and work up her energy enough to self heal, or do you just go for the statues? Or do I just need to get good.
I'm usually averse to playing characters that fluctuate a lot in health but I love Arle too much... This is literally my only gripe with her, but it may just be a matter of getting used to her.

“Did that Human just hit my ship?” Admiral Carney of the Saigor Empire peered out of the viewport. His voice tinged with disbelief. His ship, the Gavaron, a superstar dreadnought 10 kilometres long and brimming with every weapon the galaxy had to offer, was being propelled backwards past the fourth planet of this insignificant solar system by a man dressed in a blue suit and red cape. The crew, initially stunned, began to regain their composure and halt the ship.
“Sir? What should we do?” His second-in-command looked at the screen in disbelief. “That hit destroyed the forward shield generators and the forward main cannon!”
“Ehhh? That has to be a hologram. Scan for whatever weapon they used and send in two frigates to destroy whatever that thing is.”
His order was followed, and he saw two of the frigates that had been held back speed past him, launching rockets at the target, only for the rocket to be blasted by some red laser from this human's eyes, according to the video feed.
“Are you seeing this? What in the fifth unholy hell is this thing from? Is it a droid? “
“Scans say it's biological, and there is no technology detected, and according to our files, it looks human.”
“LOOKS HUMAN?” Admiral Carney turned to the science officer. “Does that look like a normal biological being to you? Those rockets are made of Dirunium. We can launch them through a damn sun if we want to.”
He turned to see this human grabbing a frigate and slinging it towards them. The other hightailed out of there, jumping into light speed in whatever direction they were facing. Smart kids, he thought.
“Brace for impact!”
“Brace for impact, but the shields?” His first officer looked at the helmsman as he shouted out the warning. Admiral Carney sighed and looked at him. “He destroyed them, remember? Move the ship out of the trajectory, turn the ships around and get us out of here. We can't fight that thing.“
“What about the shield? We can't jump without a shield?”
“Have a support ship land on the bow, and have them extend their shields over our damaged area. Then, let's get out of here. “
“Sir! The human is approaching us.” The words made it go cold down his spine. How could that thing, man, move that fast without any tech?
“Is he attacking?” He managed to keep his voice calm but he was getting worried. Was he to die here? In what was supposed to be a simple invasion to teach the recruits how to do the job.
“No, he is just watching us.” The words calmed him down. Maybe they could survive this. It was a defence system; it had to be, so if they just left, it would leave them be.
“Then ignore him, and let's get out of here.”
When he finally had time, he went over the reports. Earth was not supposed to have such a being as its defender. He had never seen or heard anything like this. This might cost him his job, but there was no way in the five unholy hell he could ever win over that. He logged the report and got himself a drink. He looked at his own fist. The green muscular fist would never be able to do something like that. They will cut his horns and blind his third eye for this, but he would survive. He could leave the navy and find a job on a starbase far from the capital planet. Yeah, it might be for the best. He got out the pad, wrote down his resignation, and sent it to the headquarter.

Five years later

Jar Carney had been working as a bartender at the Gustun star base for five years now, a trader base that saw creatures from all over the galaxies. Here, nobody knew or cared who he was, though he had heard the stories about the admiral who quit his position after attacking Earth, and a single human beat them back. It was a very popular story among some of the travellers. The only thing Jar found funny was that they often got the species of the admiral. In fact, mostly, it was somebody else than a Cunar like him; it tended to change. Lately, it was a female admiral of the Surion empire. Carney had to smirk at how the story had changed, and then he turned to the new Surion bartender, Saris, a young woman with a serious face who always kept to herself. She was pretty for a Surion; her soft yellow and black striped fur and the short tale made her cute, and her feminine movement had already made a few brave patrons try their luck. However, she ignored them all. “Hey, I didn’t know you guys had female admirals?”
She froze as he spoke, and Jamir, the local drunk, chuckled. “Only if they are royalty, they are given a fleet and told to show what they can do. But this time, this princess went to Earth, which was such a stupid choice. I thought they had learnt by now.” He then winked five of his 15 eyes at Saris.
Both Carney and Saris turned to him and said in unison, “What?”
Jamir laughed and finished his drink. “I’m the Funasta Admiral they spoke about last year. Unlike the smart invaders, I managed to land on that cursed planet, and while that demon tore through my fleet in space, I had to face something even worse. We set up a teleport point and just started to send in our mech units. They suddenly faced a green giant behemoth of a human. The more they shoot at him, the stronger and more dangerous he became. Then, we launched our troops and drone fighters. The humans responded by sending in more of these demons. First was a man in red who ran faster than we could see. Then a man dressed in old armour and a hammer of all things came, he controlled the weather and everywhere he struck was also hit by lightning from a clear sky. The green behemoth and the hammer guy are just as strong as the demon in the sky. They just can't fly like him. Besides the red blur that will zip around and disarm your troops, the ground support of those two monsters is a few other demons. There is a man with metal claws that could heal any wounds we inflicted on him. He is aided by a woman who tore through our men like they were paper. We had managed to defend the teleporter, so we poured in our drone clones. It didn’t matter.” He took another drink as he got lost in the nightmare that would follow. It took a second before he continued.
“The worst happened when night came. They made the dead rise to fight, Led by some bloodthirsty beast who drained our officers. Then came the humans, who turned into predatory animals and were immune to anything we threw at them. At that point, we finally had enough and ran away. We teleported home since all our ships had been destroyed and destroyed our side of the gate. So, of course, I was expelled.” He smirked, showing maw of short teeth.” But I had recorded too much evidence for them to ignore it, so we sent spies to try and find a weakness in their defense, and then we found out we were not the first to face them like this.“ He held out his glass for refill, which he got.
“We discovered that they have defeated at least eight invasions this way. And” He stopped for dramatic effect. “ We discovered their weapon. Those monsters are not real—well, they are real, but they are the result of human imagination. They have this technology that allows them to pull their —what’s the word? Ahh, now I remember superheroes and monsters from their books and movies, and for as long as people needed them, they would protect them from the enemies of the Earth. You see, they vanish once the invasion is over. Then the humans plunder the battlefield for tech.” He chuckles as he looks at his clawed hand. “Yeah, so here we sit, three admirals fracked up by imaginary monsters because nobody would believe it before seeing it with their own eyes. I mean, would your rulers believe such a fracked-up story.”
As always, let me know if you post it anywhere else. I'm okay with it as long as I get credit and am notified.

I currently (40M) had my ex (35F) completely destroy our relationship while I was working out of town for a few months. This happened a year ago and wish I had these stories as a resource while going through it. I have just started to use Reddit and been reading the experiences of others here and have decided to share my story in hopes it will maybe help others. That way some good may come from some of the worst times of my life.
A little backstory for context for the story and insight to some of the decisions I made. When I turned 30 I left the major city in my Province (it is like a state if you are an American) because buying just a simple house is over a million dollars and I don't make near enough to afford that. My goal was to move to somewhere more rural to buy a house, meet someone, get married and have a child or two. It was my only dream I had and believed I could attain it. I lived out in the bush on my step dads property in a run down trailer I bought so I could save money for the first 3 years. I had my dog but the loneliness of living in the middle of nowhere had got to me. By then I had saved a fair amount of money, so I decided to move into the town. It was nice, it cut my commute down by 40 minutes, I had started to make a few friends and no longer felt so isolated. It was through my friends I met my future ex. Let's call her Kali. She had a long term boyfriend when we first met. Their relationship ended a couple of years after meeting her and we started dating a few months after.
We mostly had a great relationship for the next 4 years. The only thing was it was on again off again. She would dump me after I did anything really special for her for a week and beg me to take her back. It was like clockwork. I used to think it was because of her depression and that she didn't believe she deserved to be truly happy. Nowadays I actually think she might have been cheating the whole time and just felt guilty about it when I did nice stuff for her but I will never know the truth. I don't care what the reality is anymore anyway, Time has a funny way of making stuff like that irrelevant. We did have one bigger break of about 5 months. When it happened I took time off work to travel in my RV the whole time. From spring to summer. I really didn't like the town I lived in and decided to use that time to check out the rest of my Provence to figure out where I wanted to restart my life. She was basically the only reason I stayed for so long. I did have a decent job and family close by but most people I met there were not good people. Lots of drug users, liars, and general scumbags. I had only a few real friends there. After I got back and had decided where I was going to move to she had decided she wanted me back. She begged me to stay and be with her. She told me that she wanted to get serious. We started making real progress about getting married, having kids and looking at buying a house. Everything was coming up Milhouse and I couldn't be happier. So You can probably guess this is when my tale becomes interesting for you and life got real bad for me.
My career is seasonal. I work from spring to the end of fall and can go on unemployment insurance or find work. My dad had asked if I could help on his farm breeding horses that winter when I had still planned to leave my town. I had promised him that I would because it would give me a place to stay before people in my field of work would be looking for employees. This had been agreed upon before me and Kali had got back together. Now I have always been a man of my word. It's something I take great pride in. I have always hated liars. I don't mind a little embellishment to make a story more fun or if two people's stories are different as long as they both believe that was how the events happened. Everyone remembers things slightly off. She was upset that I had intended to keep my word to my dad but I had every second weekend off. The town my dad is in was only a 2 hour drive. So I told her I would be back twice monthly for weekends and that it would only be for 4 months. For the first two months everything seemed fine. During this time I started to look at rings to pop the question and booked an expensive spa for two days in May to propose. There was only one weird thing that happened during the first two months. On one of my visits she confided in me that her brother's wife had cheated on him and that their newborn baby was most likely not his. I was shocked that she not only knew but didn't plan to tell him. She said she didn't want to tell him for fear of breaking up the family. I told her that he has the right to know and that she was being a bad sister by knowing and not telling him. I also informed her if he found out she knew and didn't say anything that he would most likely kick her out of his life. She made me swear I wouldn't tell him. Even though I thought it was wrong I did agree to not say anything. It did get me wondering how she could not only not tell him but stay friends with someone that could do that to her brother. I think that's when I started to question her morals. The third month she asked that I didn't come out because she was "sick". I told her I didn't care, I could still come out and take care of her. She convinced me that she didn't want me to come so I just worked on the farm instead. I switched weekends so I could come out the next instead of in two weekends. The weekend she was "sick" her phone was off the whole time, lasting into the week. She told me her phone went through the washing machine. She was actually on a bender but I didn't learn that till later.
So I head out the following weekend. As soon as I arrive I start getting super sketchy vibes. I was already weirded out about the stuff with her brother and ghosting me for 4 days as we talked/texted multiple times a day normally. At first she acts great to me, cooks me steak and we go out to the bush to have a fire in the snow. At the fire she really started drinking heavily. She then mentions a guy she had been hanging with lets call him Brad. So alarm bells start going through my head. We go back to her house and she keeps drinking. I wanted to keep a clear head so I only had three beers all evening. She put her phone down unlocked because of how drunk she was and I took it to the bathroom with me to look up texts between them. I felt so guilty for doing it at first but once I see the text between the two of them the guilt is replaced with rage. I go to her room to confront her and she breaks down. First, how dare I go through her phone, this never would have happened if I would have broken my promise to my dad, nothing really happened between them, blah, blah, blah. I was furious and drove off. She blows up my phone the whole time. I don't answer. Ten minutes after I left her mother called me. She lives at her moms house. I took the call and her mom said she is freaking out and has harmed herself. I decide to go back and she has a bandage wrapped around her arm. Her mom hid all the sharp objects she could find. She was having a full on panic attack and begs me to not leave. I told her I would stay if she told me the truth. She admits to hooking up with him one time just that last weekend when she asked me not to come out. It kind of matches the messages and I believe her. I stay there till she falls asleep. Once she does I send Brad a text saying that she has a boyfriend with some screen shots of our conversations me and her have had that week. I was about to drive back to the farm when the dude called her phone. I pick up the call and tell him I am her boyfriend. He asks if that was a joke and I assure him it is not. He said he didn't know and actually apologized. I tell him that I'm pissed but if he didn't know I couldn't blame him. I should have asked him more questions but I was tired, not thinking straight and just wanted to go back to the Farm even though it was two am by this point. I get home and crash. Turned my ringer off because I know once she wakes up she will start calling like crazy. After getting the horses in for the night I decided to look at my phone for the first time all day. Around thirty missed calls and a ton of texts. I decide I need another day before I talk to her. Now while the whole day all I can think about is that it was just one time, she seems to be genuinely remorseful about it, how I'm 39 and really want children before I get too old. I took a call from her the next day on Sunday in the morning. She is still wasted. She hadn't stopped drinking since I was there Friday. We talk and I tell her that I am really upset but am willing to give us another chance. I still was in love with her and wanted to have kids, get married and buy a house with her. It was the dream I felt I worked so hard for. She was so happy I took her back and swore to me nothing like this would ever happen again. Basically I was a fool lol.
So I decided on my next set of days off to borrow my stepdads summer home on the river so we can have the place to ourselves. I grab food that she loves so I can cook her dinner and try to make it very romantic. I want to rekindle my love with her so I wanted to go all out on an amazing weekend. I pick her up and she is already a little drunk. I kind of wanted to hang sober but I don't wanna mess up with her so don't say anything thinking we can do a sober day when I take her out to go shopping and dinner the next day. When we get there she gets hammered. Kali had brought a big of bottle fireball on top of a bunch of white claws. I again didn't really drink that night. Once she was drunk and tired I carried her to the bed. As Kali is in my arms she looks up at me and says in slurred words "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Joe" I ask "what did you just say?". "I don't know why you even felt threatened by Brad" she replied. I put her to bed and my mind starts racing. Now her ex before me has a really close name to the one she said first but I also know she has a friend named Joe I only met a couple of times. They were not close or even hung out but were more like acquaintances. I go in her purse to look at her phone again but the battery is dead and I can't find her charger. I have an Iphone so I can't charge it up to look. I didn't sleep that well that night with everything going on in my head. I woke up at 6 am to her being very loud on the phone. I went out to the living room and she had drank all the booze left over from the night before. I ask her who she was on the phone with and she tells me an uber to leave. I ask why is she going to leave? Kali tells me she is upset that I tried to get into her phone. Guess I didn't put it back in her purse. Must have been out of sorts and forgot. I tell her I can drive her once I go to the washroom and get some clothes on. I go to do that, come out of the washroom to see Kali has already left. She was so drunk that she had left half her stuff behind. I decided to have breakfast before bringing her stuff to her house. After breakfast I packed her stuff into my SUV and noticed it had snowed that night. I could see her footprints out into the driveway. While Dropping off her stuff I noticed there were no footprints leading to her house, so I tried calling Kali. No answer. I left her stuff in the snow and decided to drive by her brothers and sisters house to see if there were footprints going into any of their houses but there were none. I sent her a nasty text about knowing she didn't go home, to go be with Brad or Joe or whoever and never call me again. It was a lot more profane than that but that's the gist of it. Cleaned up the house my stepdad lent me and back off to the farm yet again. The next day she blows up my phone and again I wait another day to talk to her. She tells me that she went home but I know that can't be true from the snow, but she says I must have been mistaken. She apologizes for getting drunk and leavening and that she is going to stop drinking after her birthday in two weeks. She has rented a hotel in the town I'm in for her birthday and wants to spend it with me. I agree just because I have to know the truth and want to look at her phone to make sure I am not crazy. She had gaslit me to the point I was questioning what I saw with my own eyes. A couple of days later I decided to send Joe a message on Facebook to see if he would give me the truth. I get a text from her telling me not to bug her friend and that she is embarrassed. I apologize and tell her I am excited about her birthday soon.
The weekend of her birthday comes so I go to meet her at the hotel. She brought her sister and other friend along. It actually is a really fun time. The girls did coke the first night into the second evening. I don't really like it but I figured she can let loose especially if she is going to stop drinking after her birthday. I also knew by Saturday night that they would all crash hard so it would give me time to look at her phone so I could know the truth. As I mentioned the weekend was really fun so I felt bad about going into her phone yet again. I did it anyway and my whole world came crashing down. Now I figured that I would maybe see Brad or Joe texts and Facebook messages. Seemed like Brad was done but Joe and her were totally hooking up. I also found out that she had slept with 3 other guys. I also saw she was using coke all the time now. She did it maybe three times a year when we dated but now it was every weekend. It looked like she started using regularly right before I left for the farm. Joe helped get it for her too, out of all the guys he was the one she hung with the most. Turns out he was also a meth head who was trying to quit for her. She also went to his house the morning she left the other weekend to hook up and buy coke. I was floored. I just staired and took screen shots till the early morning. I decided I wasn't just going to dump her but I wanted to ruin her life not realizing she was already doing that all by herself but hindsight is 20 20. So I started coming up with a plan of what I was going to do. I woke up the next morning and acted like everything was fine and went back to the farm. I was still so upset and didn't want to harm myself or others so had a family friend take my firearms for a while. I don't think I would have used them on myself or others but I knew I wasn't thinking clearly and didn't want them in my house while I was like that.
I didn't have to see her till I moved back because the next set I had off I had tickets for a concert in the city I used to live in. During that time all I thought about was how I was going to do something to ruin her life. I came up with some small things but my main plan was to pretend like we were fine and ghost her when my contract was up with my boss next winter. I had promised him another year after kali and I had gotten back together. Just typing it out makes me look back and cringe that I was so crazy. When I went to the city for the concert I told my best friend, my brother and a few others my plan. No one liked it and thought I should just go no contact, cut her straight out of my life. That probably was the smart thing to do but emotion was clouding my judgement. Also you all would get this story. They even informed me that because I would be lying to her, that I would be compromising my morals and turning into a worse person they didn't recognize. I either didn't see it that way or care. I have a hard time recalling what my brain was thinking during that time. All seems like a haze now that it's been a year. I think I was really upset that my dream and all I had worked for was ruined. A friend later said I may have been in love with the dream and not her. Maybe that's the reason I kept up all this insanity.
My time on the farm had come to an end and I was moving back to the town me and my ex lived in. I was set with my plan, excited to implement it and have what I considered just. But you know what they say of the best laid plans. My ex wanted to go to hang at her brothers as a welcome home party. I went but ended up drinking. Heavily drinking, to the point of black out. I don't remember much from that night but have had it recounted for me. I woke up in the drunk tank. Guess I couldn't lie and play it cool then huh? The story I was told later is, while at her brothers I had gotten drunk and loud. Kept waking up the new baby and we were asked to leave. So we caught a cab and I confronted her in the cab but all I could do was call her a lying, cheating, whore on repeat. She got upset and ran into the house locking me out. I had a bunch of my stuff in her house so I went to the door and demanded she let me in. All the while still only referring to her as the aforementioned 3 words. She told me to leave but my jacket and wallet were inside. It was below freezing at night still and probably wouldn't have made it home in the state I was in. I then kicked in her door to keep calling her LCW and grab my stuff. She was on the phone to the police, so I was taken away by them. One of the lowest points in my life. It still brings me so much shame to this day but it is what happened and I am not going to sugar coat it. I never laid a finger on her and I am so happy that I hadn't. Laying hands on women in that way is one of the scummiest things a man can do. I had to go back to her house once they let me out because my stuff was still there. I apologized to her mom who had been at her boyfriends that evening promising to repair the door for her. Kali begged me to talk to her and like an idiot I didn't just leave. I told her I saw everything and she only admitted to Brad and Joe. Lying about them and the others the whole time. Even when I brought up the screen shots she still couldn't come clean. I left just shaking my head. There is still a ton to this story but this is long enough. I could do a part 2 if there is interest. Catching you folks up to where I am now and the messed up things that happened in between.

To be clear this is my opinion and I will respect yours too.

1. Recoil and how Ubi changes it. I know some people see this as a skill issue but I think making recoil almost impossible to control or new players is a pretty weird and bad thing to do. It's like how Valorant makes it so your bullets don't go anywhere if you shoot while moving. It creates a very large skill gap between new players and old ones.
   
2. Deimos Buff. An idea for a Deimos rework would to make it so that he could track people and hold out his primary. However, instead of Alibi pings to see where he is when you get scanned they should change it so that it is the same scan as Deimos himself. This way instead of having wall hacks and the person being tracked have lion scans it's more fair. I'm also pretty sure no one likes getting their ass cheeks penetrated by a .357 revolver through the floor.
   
3. Maestro Rework kinda. I think Maestro is in an okay spot rn but I think he could get a rework of some sort. I think that instead of having the ability to open his evil eye shield it should always be open, meaning he can always shoot. However bullet will now only crack the glass making him blind just like meleeing the shield present day. However you can press a button that will eject the first layer of protection on the evil eye which will make it so that you can see again. However no a shot/melee will kill the cam. Might be op but idk. I just think the area he's in is mild waters.
   
4. Cam buff wtf siege. Why can't teammates use other peoples drones and cams. I get that they're owned by people but they should make it so that teammates can use the drone but once the owner goes on it they take control. Same with Maestro cams and Echo drones. Why can't teammates use them. If someone is dead then it makes sense but why can't they shoot/use drones when they're alive. Just doesn't make sense to me.
   

Anyway that's it, share your thoughts and I will answetalk about them with you. IDK how these changes would effect the comp scene but these were just things I was wondering about. Have a good day.

My (26) mom died 3 years ago, so obviously yesterday (mothers day) was a shitty day for me. After 3 years I’ve kind of gotten used to hardly anyone reaching out or making any effort whatsoever to be supportive on days like these. But my aunt (my mom’s sister) for the 3rd year in a row said nothing to me, no text or even a social media comment or anything. My mom and my aunt were very close and I grew up with her as a big part of my family so it’s not like she doesn’t know me well or something. There’s really just no excuse.
I usually just try and brush it off but I was so angry this time that I sent her a text, just saying “Hi auntie, I would’ve liked to hear from you yesterday. Mother’s Day is a hard day for me, because my mom isn’t here. Not trying to force you to reach out because that would defeat the purpose but just wanted to mention it”
She replied saying “well, I did think of you” and that she was in charge of “taking care of the grandmas” (aka she had lunch with her mom and her husband’s mom), and that it’s a weird day for her because “it’s not like I’m getting spoiled” like what? Thanks for making excuses for not sending one text or something by saying that you were too busy spending time with your own (alive) mom. Never once in her text did she say sorry or anything either.
It’s just so frustrating dealing with stuff like this when I just want to be able to be sad without having to deal with other people having shitty reactions or not doing anything at all. She could’ve just said sorry and that she’ll try in the future. Or she could’ve reached out in the first place to her dead sister’s daughter on Mother’s Day.
Sorry for the rant but I’m just so mad and I’m so tired of ALL of this. I don’t want this to be my life 😞

Okay so I just got back from seeing this!!! Ohmygod. Ohmygod! Okay spoiler warning because I just need to talk about all my feelings!!!! SPOILERS COMING!!
IT WAS AMAZING!
I loved every moment. Kinda shocked people felt it was a bit to slow but I'm just so enthralled by the apes I'm never bored. Like could it have been even longer??
FIRST I need to cry about the Mae betrayal!!! THAT HURT! I'm still not okay. You know something's wrong. You know she's taking advantage of how clueless Noa and his friends are when they enter that vault. You know whatever she's after, it's not good for apes, everything in that vault screams bad for the apes. But I still didn't expect for her to do what she did, betraying Noa and his friends and leaving them to die. After Noa and his friends helped her, and Raka died trying to save her
The way that whole scene plays out, the utter terror as Noa and his apes are all just fighting to survive and stay alive, it was insane. And THE GORILLA!!! Nothing has scared me yet in this franchise like him. Every time he showed up you were just terrified. When he was charging Noa at the end - I was just replaying The Last of Us and it felt like a bloater charging you, that's the feeling I got because he's so strong and just charging and roaring and you know he's to powerful.
When Proximus says, "What have you done" I actually got chills. Proximus is terrible, enslaving clans and killing other apes, but in that moment you felt horrified realizing he was right about needing to get into that vault first. He knew how apes were once kept in cages and he knew you could not trust a human. And Noa trusted a human, and suddenly they were all at risk of death.
I'm still in shock over what Mae did, and yet I realize from her point of view, Raka and Noa and his friends were the only good apes she'd ever met, but she couldn't let that get in the way of her mission. It goes back to the Colonel "what would you have done?" and Dreyfus "I'm saving the human race" Mae has to do the hard thing, to in her mind, save humanity.
I'm so curious on what comes next for Mae. When she was holding that gun behind her back, I felt like she was both considering shooting Noa or preparing to defend herself if he reacted badly. But his mention of Raka, and gifting her his necklace with Caesar's symbol and pondering if humans and apes could ever live together, she reacted in a way that suggests her actions caused her pain. I'm so curious what Mae's journey will be. Will she continue to be ruthless for the sake of humanity, or will she give consideration to the idea of apes and humans living together? She felt like quite a mystery, holding onto so many secrets.
And also OMG - so many humans survived underground!! What does this mean for apes??? What did Mae take from the vault? It feels like the apes have another big threat coming! After War, I didn't think humans would be a threat again and yet, 300 years later it looks like they're trying to find a way to reclaim their place, but how can they? So many questions for what is next!
More things I need to talk about - gosh I got teary eyed at Caesar's funeral. Wasn't expecting to see him one last time, or any of his apes from his time. So seeing that funeral got me, and then Noa finding his father dead got me teary, and then him reuniting with his friend and his mom got me too. The movie was so emotional and intense. I enjoyed watching Noa leave on his own to find his clan, and meeting Raka and learning about Caesar. I really liked the quiet moments too. I get so lost in watching the expressions of the apes, their movements, how they react to their world.
Loved all the characters. I want more!!! Waiting is gonna be so hard again, but we're all in it together!!

I get what im stalked by some dumb personalities too, who would repeat anything to get on me, but still.
people who laugh at being "weird" because of stress, to the same box.
and these "oh why you can't just ignore everything and be happy "
and these "we are strangers so we will hit you about your trauma and why are you explaining it and asking for understanding, then we will hit you more" I don't know to what box
also, just because I'm tired of this and don't care where to say - this is probably really desirable to believe if you told somebody is addicted/acting to troll to their narcissistic ex, and that's why this person stays through abuse, just because he us fucking idiot and troll. Obviously ofcourse never not because abuser used to hurt him and decline to express any protest like narcissists do, because to read about narcissists is boring, but hurt somebody who us asking for your help is fun instead. Oh look at him he stopped doing his dream things because he is hurted because of us. hahaha. look he lied he doesnt like it. oh look he is still trying to reach us and explain. haahahahahah. lets kill him. Must have. I'm meeting a ton of these and after seeing this mindset I have really no idea what about is possible to talk with these. They are dead. very much a reason why they are getting on people who asknowledge their behavior.
I really truly don't undersrand why normal people speak to those or use those or work with them. same because they don't like to talk to these idotic trolls, who survived abuse lmao.
it's so dead it stinks for kilometers. Seriously, any word is wasted on people like this any attention and any minute. I don't understand in any interaction with these, all these "you should be throwed out of society" "you should go to jungle live alone isolated from people" "get help (nobody will give it to u haha)" etc I heard said to my adress millions of times when I was abused, are in fact about these who say it to me.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I'm a first-time watcher and oh my gosh, what a great season. I really thought I would hate the direction the show was going after season 5 (which was horrible imo), but I think this one may be my favorite yet, tied with season 3.
Let me start off by listing my highlights. For one thing–Kai. I haven't thoroughly enjoyed a villain since the Originals left the show, but he was actually hilarious at times. He's evil, sure, and I would never like him irl at all, but he was definitely a step-up from the Travelers. Other highlights–BONNIE AND DAMON. I love their friendship and tbh (unpopular opinion maybe) I'd love to see it turn romantic. I'll get into that more when I talk about the ships.
Now onto the characters. I absolutely love Bonnie, and as much as I like Kai, he deserved everything Bonnie was giving him this season. Caroline was not my favorite this season, especially since her humanity turning off was a letdown for me(and I can't quite find a reason why). I still like her though, just like I actually wasn't bothered by Tyler this season (probably because I find him super attractive lol). Speaking of attractive, DAMON SALVATORE. I finally get the hype now, his hair this season was TOP-TIER. Dare I say his best season yet? I've always been a Stefan girlie but now I think it's equal for me. Also Elena was much more tolerable this season, I found myself not bothered by her at all (except maybe at the very beginning). I'm disappointed Jeremy was done so dirty this season though. I feel like he became a repeat of what he was in season one, and I just found myself not liking him at all even though I usually do. Alaric was okay but not as interesting as he was in the earlier seasons imo and I liked Jo, but Liv was annoying with her whole "I'm superior to people because I don't care what they think" attitude going on. And Matt somehow became even more annoying this season. Also Lily Salvatore is a bitch.
And now onto the deaths. LIZ DIED?! I'M HEARTBROKEN. Liz never really stood out to me as a character, but I always loved her and Damon's friendship. When she asked him to write the eulogy, I think I cried. And I felt so bad for Caroline too. AND WHEN JO DIED I FELT SO SO BAD FOR ALARIC. LIKE HE LOST ISOBEL, JENNA, AND JO? He's not my favorite character by any means but's he's been through so much, and those scenes where he's crying over her dead body on the altar may be the best acting performance I've seen on the show yet. Not a fan of the actor by any means but he killed those last two episodes.
As for the ships, my official favorite ships of the show remain Stelena, Klaroline, and Bamon. I am heartbroken I didn't see any Klaroline this season at all, and I am definitely not the biggest fan of Steroline because I think they should've remained friends. I'm usually not the biggest fan of Delena but I think they had their moments this season. As for Bonnie and Damon, they have so much chemistry. Like wayy more chemistry than most of the actual ships in the show. I am praying that I get some sort of romance between these two because oh my gosh the sexual/romantic tension is there.
My favorite episodes are the last two, 6x21 and 6x22. I think it's sad that Elena left the show or whatever but I'm interested to see where they take the show from here. I'm praying season 7 isn't as bad as season 5, because if so I may just quit the show.
Wish me luck!

I am writing up my PhD at the moment so I will be leaving this toxic cesspit soon, but god fucking damn, I've had it.
I'm part of a huge collaboration with another university. While the work should be equally split in theory, they have 3 people working on it while I am completely on my own. This means that any work we agree on is done much faster by them as they simply have more people to work with. I however started sooner with getting the project along, meaning I have more actual data samples than them. We agreed to share them as it is beneficial for our research. While I have been sharing mine consistently, I still have to see the majority of theirs even though I keep asking for them every few months or so (we agreed upon generating a set number of samples each before the project took off). My PI doesn't really care about the whole situation 'because we have to keep good relations with them'. Note that I needed that data to finish writing down my PhD, and I actually had to repivot that part because they kept delaying their promise to give over their data, past the last feasible deadline for me.
So in February 2023 I pitched an original idea to our group of four dedicated researchers via Discord. I asked them if they could research it further because I didn't have the time to do so and this as part of the larger project we are collaborating on. Not one of them responded to my message, even though we are working with patient data and me mentioning that if the idea turned out to be solid it would help our patients tremendously. This idea was quite revolutionary in the field, it hasn't been done at all and requires quite some (patient) samples to conduct. I had a good clue it would work beforehand because it is based on an existing technique yet with another data type. The only reason it hasn't been done before is (I think) because nobody had this kind of sample cohort that we built. The only reason they had those resources to conduct this research in the first place is because I shared so many of mine.
So queue today where I see a fucking Nature paper by their hand on the exact same idea I pitched to them. On the exact same fucking samples I shared with them. My name on the paper or even god forbid, in the acknowledgements? Nowhere to be seen. Not even my fucking PI is mentioned anywhere, while the grant that funded this research is in his name. The grant number is even mentioned in the paper. Meanwhile I have been including every single one of them in any paper of mine, even though they contributed literally nothing because again my PI asked for them to be included 'to keep our good relations' and 'they are still part of the larger collaboration'.
I also know for a fact that they didn't come up with this idea independently on their own and simultaneously with me. This because one of them mentioned to me once (in person), a short bit after I pitched the original idea, that they were impressed I came up with it and that their PI said there was a good chance it would work and how revolutionary it would be to be the first people ever to do so. But nothing after it, just dead silence. I thought they dropped it because they didn't get it to work. And now this. It was also around that time they started stalling their data sharing, which I think is because they just stopped all work on the actual project and instead focused on getting this research out. Even if they did come up with it completely on their own (which I highly, highly doubt), it is still a complete affront to not even include the name of my PI because he basically funded over 75% of that paper.
I am not even sure what I am more mad about. The fact they stole my idea or the fact that I have a huge cohort of patients lying around who didn't get the quality of care they so much deserve because some asshats decided playing political games was way more important. Because you don't think they actually shared any of the outcomes of that paper with us?
I am so done with this. So done.

I have come across multiple opinions from both Blacks and Greens over the true reason why Aegon and Viserys never attempted to remove the Usurper from the line of kings, especially when in the appendix Aegon III’s claim is him as a “Son of Rhaenyra” and it even says Aegon II’s ascent was “disputed by his half-sister Rhaenyra…” and his claim supposedly comes from being the “Son of Viserys I”.
The most logical answer to this question is that GRRM wrote the Appendix of Kings at the back of the first published GoT books because it was an easy bit of world building, and as he fleshed out the Dance years later it was too much of a hassle to retcon/rewrite the line of kings. This can be seen in the way he changed Rhaenyra from being one year the elder and presumably a full blooded sibling to Aegon, to ten years his elder and a half-sibling. A small change that impacts a barely fleshed out story, compared to large one in changing the line of kings. Could he have never wanted Rhaenyra on the throne in the first place? Possibly, but we won’t know.
In-universe, I believe there is a nuanced and rather historically adjacent reason for this. Perhaps not the one GRRM thought up when he wrote F&B (and F&B2 if we ever get there…), but the one I believe to be plausible. Some Greens like to say Aegon III and Viserys II agreed with the rights of male-only succession, as seen with Viserys taking the throne over Daena the Defiant (which by Andal right, should have been hers…)
So, I present the relationship of Queen Elizabeth I of England and her mother, Anne Boleyn on the argument of Rhaenyra’s recognized title as Queen:
Tracey Borman notes that “the many references that Elizabeth made to her ‘dearest father,’ and the way in which she tried to emulate his style of monarchy when she became queen, all support this view. By contrast, Elizabeth is commonly said to have referred directly to Anne only twice throughout her long life. She made no attempt to overturn the annulment of her mother’s marriage or to have her reburied in more fitting surrounds than the Tower of London chapel, knowing that this would court controversy—literally, digging up a past that was best forgotten. Neither did she challenge her mother’s conviction. The obvious conclusion is that Elizabeth was at best indifferent towards, and at worst ashamed of Anne.”
The italicized sentences stuck out to me because that’s essentially what Aeg and Vis did. Seemingly. they made no attempt to put Rhaenyra back into the line of succession and recognize her as queen. Did they agree with Aegon II’s and his council’s belief that women could not ascend to the throne? Is that why? Her bones were interred into the Royal Sept, so that is a departure from the source which states Queen Elizabeth did no such thing, but there is no evidence of her bones being put there by Aeg and Vis during their reigns so we can’t know for certain. But as Tracy Borman notes for Elizabeth, it can be concluded that it is mostly likely because of the controversy surrounding the Dance and Rhaenyra that Aeg and Vis didn’t put her in as Queen.
Decades later, when another succession crisis came in the form of Viserys II and Daena the Defiant, the memories of the Dance were still fresh on everyone’s minds. It was only centuries later that another female Targaryen would even be made heir: Aelora. So it can be assumed that Aegon and Viserys never placed Rhaenyra back into the line of succession because of controversy. Yes, Aegon could have done it once his regency ended, and yes Viserys could have done it as well, but as exampled it is a lot more nuanced than simply having them take away Aegon II and Helaena’s usurping titles.
Now onto the argument of Aegon III and Viserys II somehow hating their mother to the point of agreeing with male-only succession:
While Queen Elizabeth mostly praised her father in public, her love of Anne was kept to private ventures such as the “chequers ring” which Elizabeth kept with her even as she neared death. It was a ring with rubies and diamonds that “reveal two portraits: one is of Elizabeth I; the other is thought to be of her mother, Anne Boleyn…When closed, the two portraits Almost touch: face to face, mother to mother.”
Queen Elizabeth’s mother Anne Boleyn was an extremely controversial figure. Anne was called “the concubine” and “the great whore,” even after her death, much like Rhaenyra was remembered. Similarly, Aegon III wore black all his life. He was a ghostly figure, and was traumatized by all that had happened to him. Perhaps he did not keep any mementos of Rhaenyra close to him, but I would argue that the great sadness he carried with him shows that he was rather devoted to his mother, even if he couldn’t show that in public. The dragons died out during his reign, which I would add as a twisted memento of Rhaenyra. The animals that caused her death were now all dead…and that is his way of keeping her with him. He avenged her in a way.
Moreover, “Elizabeth was less than three years old when the Calais swordsman severed her mother’s head at the Tower of London…”
Elizabeth was only three, but she still kept mementos and seemingly loved her in private?
Viserys II would have little memory of his mother. Anything he knew of her and his eldest three brothers would have come from those at court, Baela, Rhaena, or Aegon. Just like Elizabeth would have learned of Anne from dubious sources. I don’t see him having felt any strong hatred or indifference toward his mother, because even with how distant royal parents were they still cared, and the children wanted to be cared for. Similarly with Elizabeth being so young yet able to have such a great private affection for Anne, I believe Vis would have too. Perhaps he did “usurp” Daena in a way. But can we honestly say that a teen would have been better than a man with years of experience as Hand (love you Daena stay iconic)? Can we say that when people still have memories of the Dance decades later they’d want a woman on the throne? That doesn’t point to a belief in male-only succession, that points to a fear of history repeating.
So, to me, I believe the matter of succession is as it’s always been: nuanced. Rhaenyra was an incredible mother, and I don’t believe Aegon, the boy who mourned for her all his life and couldn’t stand to be near anyone, much less the simple girl he was forced to marry, would have hated her. I believe he knew what a tenuous situation he was in, similar to Elizabeth she was made illegitimate and the years her younger brother Edward ruled with his regents. Viserys may have been young when he was captured, but he served the realm well and I dont believe he would have zero interest in his mother. If Aegon II gets a pass for being a neglected and abused baby, I believe the real victims should get a little lenience too.
Plus, Elizabeth wasnt the feminist many assume she is…so while yes Aeg and Vis upheld patriarchal ideology (how is that a win for the Greens? Misogynist ahhs), they are upholding a system that has been around longer than they have. I dont blame them completely.
There were, of course, multiple other factors at play but this is just my thoughts that GRRM most likely wasn’t thinking of when he wrote F&B LOL.
TLDR: IRL History proves that Aegon and Viserys’ actions are nuanced, Rhaenyra deserves to have seen her boys grow up, and the Greens are delulu

I’m not sure if this is the right place for this, I’m new to Reddit and just wanted to see if there was any advice available since I seem to be hitting road blocks on every thing I seemed to have attempted.
I 30(F) was speaking to a man online for around 7yrs from Sweden, the relationship became sexual at some point and images were exchanged. He then decided to randomly cut off contact. Said he no longer wanted to speak and things were obviously not meant to be which I was totally understanding about, a week or so later I started receiving post to my family home with the explicit images that I had shared with him, to make it worse they were addressed to my father. He knows I come from a strict religious family and how many issues this could cause potentially endangering my life due to the honour aspect of it. I tried to catch these before anyone else did until he also started sending to my father’s workplace where I used to work and my previous colleagues viewing these images. My old boss is also a family friend who tried to hide it once he saw this guy had scrawled my name on the printed image due to him fearing for my life. He writes on each ‘I miss these or I miss you’ something along these lines and add different return addresses and names each time, only pays for them in cash. Though the post office he sends them from are around 5mins from his house each time. These have carried on for months and I’ve spoken to both UK and Swedish police, they have taken him in spoken to him, taken his electronics and even some evidence they found in his apartment. But apart from this it seems to be a waiting game as he continued to post even after he was taken into the police station, it has been passed to U.K. to conduct another statement for extra details since Swedish police are unable to do this over call/videocall. Ive tried to find lawyers or anyone who can help with any advice or anything further I can do but seem to come to dead ends with the U.K. side since they don’t have people specialising in Swedish law. I’m not sure what the next steps are and if I need someone to be with me for this statement or if there are any helplines available.
This has my life on pause where I’m afraid to leave my house before the post gets here or go into work unless I have paid to have post stopped each week. It’s had a massive impact on my mental health with me also having to take time off work and I’m unable to involve any family member or any friends around me due to the fear of judgement or being seen differently. Any advice would be welcome

I've always heard people say that navel piercings are not that painful. I've also had my ears pierced when I was younger and it wasn't that painful either for comparison.
But when I got my navel piercing done 5 years ago, it was the most painful thing I had ever experienced in my entire life, and I've had my face mauled by a dog before (with strings of dead flesh hanging from my face). I've been told that that level of pain for a navel piercing is not normal.
Could the piercer have pierced too deep or used a piercing method that is more painful? Could she have done it too slowly? It felt slow but then again maybe her pace was normal. Outside of my navel and earlobes pierced, I don't have any other frame of reference for piercing pain.
I'm getting abdominal surgery soon involving an incision into my belly button and will need to remove my belly button ring. I'm hoping it won't close up because I'm scared of getting it repierced due to the pain.
Edit:

• Piercing is 5yo belly button ring
• Externally threaded
• Surgical steel material
• Aftercare routine was normal, no infection.

The listener accidentally calls on a surprisingly polite spirit, and the listener tries to help him pass on
Monetization is okay! No major changes to the script though, if you are wondering about something in that regard please feel free to message me! Let me know if you intend to fill this script and leave me your channel so I can keep an eye out, or post the video and send me a link! Always super happy to see people's hard work! ^-^
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Scene opens with some ambient spooky music, and the sound of a ouija board piece scratching on the board, writing something out. Some sort of sound like a phasing in or out of energy or something as the ghost appears]
Ghost: Oh- uh, hello there!
[Sound of the board and piece falling on the floor, followed by a thud]
Ghost: Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you! Are you alright? You didn’t hit your head, did you?
Listener: ….
Ghost: Huh? What do you mean who am I? You already asked if anyone was here! I said yes, and then spelled out my name for you! Remember? This just happened! Maybe you did hit your head…
Listener: ….
Ghost: Oh- well how did you think it was moving on its own then?
Listener: ….
Ghost: Magnets…? Sorry, no. There are probably some spirit boards that are fake, but this one is genuine! It was mine, a long time ago. I was hoping you’d find it eventually when you first moved in here.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Yes, this was my apartment. This was my room, in fact. I was glad you were the one to end up sleeping in here and not your roommate. You seem more in tune with the other side. By the way, love the decor! Some of it is definitely mine, I was glad you put it back up! Most people don’t decorate their rooms with the possessions of long deceased inhabitants that they found in storage boxes in the back of a walk-in closet, haha. I used to live here with my mom, I’m guessing when I died, she couldn’t stand to take some of my things with her. She was superstitious, so she never liked ‘occult’ related things. Although turns out she was right, so I guess she earned an I told you so. Too bad she left before I could get her to notice me. Most people can’t perceive me at all, and well, no one lived in this unit for a long time.
Listener: ….
Ghost: How did I die? My my, that’s an awfully forward question. To tell you the truth though, I don’t remember. The last thing I remember is watching tv in the living room, but I don’t know how much time passed between my last memory, and my death. I know for sure I died here though, I haven’t been able to leave this place. I haven’t even been able to go out into the main hall.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Ah, it’s not all bad! I can still turn the tv on, so there’s that at least! Uh- sorry, a-about your power bill… Ahem anyway, I seem to have this weird… attunement I want to say, to certain things. I don’t know how it works, electromagnetic waves maybe? I didn’t pay much attention in high school science. Or- high school in general, really.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Oh, I don’t know why I’m still here. Unfinished business, I guess? I don’t know, most spirits are angry, vengeful psychos because they got murdered or something. I don’t even know how I died, and life wasn’t all that great either, so I don’t really have anything to be angry about. I mean I miss my mom, sure, but I know my grandparents would take care of her, and she has some brothers and sisters and really great friends.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Aha, no, no girlfriends. No boyfriends, either. No friends, at least not close ones. No one to really miss me, besides my mom. I’ll admit, it does get a bit lonely from time to time.
Listener: ….
Ghost: You… want to help me? Well- that’s really sweet and all, but I don’t even know why I’m still here… where would we even start?
Listener: ….
Ghost: When did I die… I’m not totally sure. My sense of time isn’t great anymore, maybe twenty years ago or so? Things have changed so much, at least what I can see from the window. I’d say a long time.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Obituaries… that’s not a bad idea! At least gives you a place to start! Are you-... sure you want to help me with this? I feel like I’m putting you out, I only wanted to talk to you and say hello, but you’re going out of your way to do something kind for me.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Well, okay, if you’re sure then, thank you! Just one question- how long are you going to leave the creepy music playing? I’m not spooky enough to warrant that. Am I?
[Music stops abruptly]
Ghost: [The ghost laughs] You totally forgot about your mood ambience, huh? Do you like music? I did too. Not too many good ghostly radio stations these days though, haha… but anyway! I think you’ll be able to see me from now on, I sense some sort of… connection with you now through the spirit board. As long as nothing happens to it, I think you’ll be able to see and hear me from now on! I don’t think your roommate will though, so that probably works out for the best.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Thank you, so much… I actually feel kind of hopeful about not being trapped in this tiny apartment for the rest of… well, forever. I finally have a chance. That means a lot to me. I thought you might not be afraid of me, given your apparent interest in spirits, but this is even better than I could have hoped for.
Listener: ….
Ghost: I’m glad to see you’re so enthusiastic, but don’t you think you should be getting to bed? Your schedule on the fridge says you work at 7 tomorrow, and it’s past 11.
Listener: ….
Ghost: Of course! I’m dead, not blind! I can check your schedule just as easily as you can! It was nice knowing when people were going to be here and when they weren’t. I… actually paid really close attention to it. Alright, no more distractions! Get to sleep, or you’ll be totally exhausted for the first day of our investigation tomorrow!
[Listener turns off a lamp and gets into bed]
Ghost: Goodnight. And again… thank you. You’re committing more time to me than I deserve.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 2 coming soon!

Last week my great uncle(73) passed away in the hospital after he'd been in the nursing home for 22 years. When he was 51 he fell down his stairs and the injury resulted in him needing more care and he's been a resident of a care facility basically for as long as I've known him. My mom was his POA and one of the main people in his life that helped him out, almost as if she was his kid rather than just a niece. My great uncle didn't have a partner or kids of his own, so the entire rest of his family was very important to him.
Yesterday my mom was telling the rest of my family about his funeral arrangements that are in the works for his service next week. My mom said that he wanted to be cremated and didn't want any pallbearers. I'm confused because I thought pallbearers refer to caskets, and urn-bearers would be the term used for the people carrying the urn.
Today my mom texted me asking if I would be interested in being an urn bearer. I said "I would, but I don't want to impose on anyone". She said that both of my siblings and 2 of my other cousins would do it. I replied "I thought he didn't want any pallbearers." (trying to use the words that she used from his will). She just replied "urn bearers". I feel like my mom didn't understand what I was getting at, so I asked "Do you think it would be against his wishes if we did that?" She said "Nope, that probably was way before he started going to church again."
I feel like I'm in a moral dilemma of deciding whose side to be on: the dead's choice or the living's. Earlier today, my mom texted me and my siblings asking if we would want to perform any special music at mis memorial service. I said "I feel like if he didn’t specifically ask for that, I wouldn’t want to." No one responded.
To me it seems like my mom is trying to push for her kids to be a part of her uncle's funeral, almost in a way to prove a point that her and her family were a very important staple in his life. I feel like I'm being put in an uncomfortable position to chose. It feels like I'm being asked in multiple different ways to put my affection on display, and I have no idea if any other of my extended family members have been asked to be apart of his service. My great uncle had 5 other siblings, which resulted in 11 nieces/nephews and then 20+ nieces/nephews.
I don't want to be a part of any funeral arrangement that would go against his wishes. I also don't want to create some drama in the family by not being an urn bearer even when I was asked to. I'm leaning towards not being an urn bearer because it's more of a value to me to follow the wishes of a dead relative than to avoid some confrontation/conflict in my family.
So WIYTA for not being an urn bearer at my great uncle's funeral?