Here are the goodies.

I am excited about the butter. It's dairy free, and you can't tell the difference for most of the baked goods I make!

Total: $19.84

Coupons: None!

Total Cash Back: $20.45

Final Cost: -$0.61 - Money Maker

 
Here is the complete break down and sites used. The stores are listed in the breakdown image. I don't include sites that take any receipt on my breakdown.
Note: Individual deals vary by user for most apps. If you don't have the deals right now, you can try checking back later.
 
My Guides

1. All rebate apps/sites I use and/or know about
   
2. How I do my hauls
   
3. Beginners guide to using rebate apps/sites - for those who don't know where to start
   

 
If you aren't interested in this kind of thing, please keep your comments to yourself. If you don't like what I buy, you can buy different products. If you don't like hunting for deals, you can do surveys, microtasks, games or whatever else you like instead. There is no need to discourage other users just because you aren't interested in the same things!
 
If you don't need feminine hygiene products, toothpaste, soaps, etc - consider donating them to your local women's shelter, church, or school!
 
Some Additional Deals

• Stem Fly Trap Starter Kit - Money maker after IB + SB
  
• $10 back on 7 Kellogg's Products (specific products only) - Military Commissaries only - Refund is a digital gift card (includes Prepaid visa - view the website for all the options) - Expires 5/31/24 - (Thanks to u/Kicker774 for mentioning it!)
  
• Nature Valley Wafer or Breakfast Bars (specific products) - Free after Rebate - PayPal or Venmo - Void in CT, RI, ND, and Miami Dade County - Expires 8/31/24
  
• Nature Valley Lunch Box Bars, Mott's Baked Bars, Fiber One Donuts (specific products) - Free after Rebate - PayPal or Venmo - Void in CT, RI, ND, and Miami Dade County - Expires 8/31/24
  
• Fresh Fizz - Free can at Fresh Thyme - Venmo or PayPal
  
• Painterland Sisters Yogurt - Free at Whole Foods (PA, VA, MD, DC) - Venmo or PayPal
  
• Pepsi - Free after Rebate. Expires 6/17/24
  
• Tru Water - Free can at Walmart - Venmo or PayPal
  
• Cheesecake Factory GC - $10 bonus card when you buy a $50 one - Expires 5/12
  
• Fromm Diner Can - Free after coupon. (It's pet food)
  
• Painterland Sisters Yogurt - Free after rebate. PayPal or Venmo. Whole Foods only.
  
• Beneful - IB + SK
  
• Suja Protein Shake - Free at Target in-store or online.
  
• Coffee (Any?) - You get a coupon for up to $10 in free coffee when you buy 3 participating special K cereals. I don't see anything mentioned about specific brands, but I also don't quite know how it works. - Expires 5/30/24
  
• Gooey - Free after rebate - Venmo/PayPal - (It says Walmart at the top, but it also says "from any store")
  
• Perfect Bar - One free bar - PayPal, Venmo, Amazon - Rebates are often instant
  
• CHKP - Free after Aisle - Fairway, Whole Foods, ShopRite
  
• Dr Elsey's Cat Litter - Up to $22 back on a bag up to 40 lbs when you purchase at Target, Walmart, or a local business pet store. You need to cut out the barcode and mail it in with the receipt. One rebate per person/household/address. Must submit within 90 days. There's also a handful of $1 coupons on this page.
  
• Free bag of Like Air Puffcorn - Refund via PayPal or Venmo. Must purchase in-store or for curbside pickup. Expiration date unknown.
  
• Kellogg's Promotions - Various stuff ranging from coupons for free products, movie tickets, various merchandise, and more.
  
• Various Sampoll offers
  
• Offers on Aisle Referrals: Halfday Rockstar - Buy 2 get $5 back. No gas purchase needed. Can do every other week. Free HOP Water (using my ref will give me another rebate offer) Pays out via PayPal or Venmo
  
• Various freebies on Ibotta.
  
• Various deals I've done in previous weeks can still be done.
  

 

Afterthoughts

Small haul for a small bonus today. I put together that part of the haul last night, and once I saw the $5 / 10 bonus, I completely forgot to check every other app, haha. Technically a slight profit loss meeting my IB bonus today, but that's okay because I'm making progress towards my bigger bonus. If I were to prorate that bonus, that'd be an extra $4.52, so it's definitely worth it.
 
My Beneful finally stopped resetting, unfortunately. Hopefully the Mac a Roni and butter keep resetting. I was going to get a couple other things too just to work towards my big bonus, but my store was out. I'll be going out of town later this week, so maybe I'll get lucky and find some good deals at stores that aren't around here.
 

Time Spent

I glanced at IB last night for like 5-10 minutes. I was planning to finish planning the haul today, but I didn't need to find any more deals. I was in the store for 50 minutes today, which included my regular shopping as well as browsing through the plants and clearance aisles.
 

Food From Deals

Here's an idea: Mix up a white cheddar Mac a Roni, with your choice of ham, sausage, chicken, pork, or one of the vegan meat alternatives. Add a little soy sauce, and some green peas if you wish. You could even add some extra butter and milk (or plant based milk) to make it a bit creamier. Serve with a slice of buttered toast or some Jasmine Rice. Perhaps make a little Banana bread for dessert. (Note: Everything mentioned has Ibotta deals available.)
 
Here's some things I've made in the past: High Protein Tomato Crackers, Hot Sausage Cups, Peanut Butter Fudge & Chocolate Hazelnut Fudge, Chocolate Cherry Pie
 
Do you guys want me to continue showing things I've made using ingredients I got from rebate apps on these posts? Let me know in the comments, or you can vote on this poll if you want to remain anonymous.
 

Mini FAQ

• If you're new or confused - check out the guides near the top of the post. They go into detail about everything.
  
• I'm from the USA and these posts are tailored as such, but this post of mine does list things from other countries that I know about.
  
• My posts are tailored to being money makers to suit this subreddit. There are tons of great deals that aren't money makers but can still save you a lot of money.
  
• A lot of what I get is given away to friends, family or is donated. I do this more as a hobby than anything.
  
• I generally do not share my spreadsheet since the one shown in this post is not the one I actually use (it's put together with a script from my usual spreadsheet) and there are a ton of little things that will give you wrong values if you don't know about them and even then you have to be careful. It's super easy to make a spreadsheet with Google Sheets though.
  

Being that Danny boy is some type of food snob, prison is gonna cause a freakout.. I used to be a CO in a prison and the food is so so bad and bland, I forgot my lunch once, and once only becouse of this. He will get basics only, everything else has to be purchased from commissary with money currently on the books. He will be in PC with all the other pedos and r@pist bcuz they will k!ll him in general pop becouse pedos are the lowest form of life in a prison..seriel k!llers look down on them, cuz most have children..I don't think he will last long.

1. Stardew Valley - Live a New Live https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / tkr8l2yhu97eswp4oi9hd / h ?rlkey = v25ss7itv98qkcrk9x4s84j6s & dl = 0 1.1 The user is dropped off in a bus 1.1.1 The user can roam to different places 1.1.2 The user can go to Emily's House 1.1.3 Emily's House has a toilet but you cannot use it 1.1.4 The user can go to Analisa's House 1.1.5 Analisa's House has a toilet but you cannot use it 1.1.6 Emily's House makes clothes in it 1.1.7 Analisa's House has a kitchen 1.1.8 Emily's House has a kitchen 1.1.9 You have a poor house you are maintaining 1.2.0 You have a hearth 1.2.1 You have water on your property 1.2.2 You have some land you can grow crops on 1.2.3 There is a Jojimart you can buy goods from 1.2.4 The joji mart has many shelves, over 100 1.2.5 Goods from the goji mart are delivered by truck 1.2.6 There is a blacksmith 1.2.7 There is a dilapidated building to the north which has rats in it 1.2.8 There is a medical clinic 1.2.9 There is a general store 1.3.0 There is red living at the general store 1.3.1 The general store also has shelves but less 1.3.2 The general store sells tooth and nail items 1.3.3 You cannot access the back part of the general store 1.3.4 There is a chapel 1.3.5 There is a manor in the nice part of town 1.3.6 There is a trailer park of poor people and their dog 1.3.7 You want to fix up the dilapidated building with your grandpa and you see a rat 1.3.8 Kenningston, Texas https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / l9zev0vlyx8ygi1rfifq0 / ADvctmdjvR93fk-3-PhYX24 ? rlkey = 3irycyhavaqxwdhi3j7rprqig & dl = 0 1.3.9 The user is outside the protection of the USA 1.4.0 The user must enter their house or the guard turret will anihhillate them 1.4.1 There is mikes house and ryans house and two other houses and a nature reserve with fighters on it 1.4.2 Mikes house is like all the others and has a kitchen and a main room and an upstairs with two rooms and a closet and a bathroom 1.4.3 Ryans house is like all the others and has a kitchen and a main room and an upstairs with two rooms and a closet and a bathroom. 1.4.4 All the other houses are like all the others and have a kitchen and a main room and an upstairs and two rooms and a closet and a bedroom 1.4.5 There is 16 Bars of oxygen in every location 1.4.6 Every location is lit with some kind of pervasive light 1.4.7 Some houses have television in the main room 1.4.8 Mikes house has a bong in the closet 1.4.9 There are fighters at the nature reserve waco 1.5.0 The nature reserve has a checkpoint which some menial laborer is at 1.5.1 The checkpoint has a PC 1.5.2 There is some jesus camp at the nature reserve 1.5.3 There are four building at the nature reserve with people in them 1.5.4 There is a primary building to the nature reserve 1.5.5 There is uncharted wilderness at the nature reserve where evil satanic critters lurk 1.5.6 The user must cross over the turrets to get to the nature reserve so that it is unacessable by default. 1.5.7 Cabo San Lucas https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / e693glvwxrupb7coxjqy4 / AD3KU3DpBVEJ6OaWqLyVmII ? rlkey = ahhi8h5foqyejxhpcd1bw6jkk & dl = 0 1.5.8 The user feels larger than life 1.5.9 The user can get to a hostel which is a nice hostel 1.6.0 There is a pool at the hostel 1.6.1 There is some rooms at the hostel 1.6.2 There is a bad part of town 1.6.3 There is a tower high rise in the bad part of town 1.6.4 There are street dwellings in the bad part of town 1.6.5 There is a store the user can get to 1.6.6 There are over 8 rooms in the tower high rise and 4 street dwellings 1.6.7 There is not much to do at the resort. 1.6.8 There is mains utility in the high rise 1.6.9 There is oxygen at 14 Bar Pressure throughout 1.7.0 There is lighting at 8 effective lumen throughout 1.7.1 You can get some chips and shit at the store 1.7.2 You can get cigarrilos at the store 1.7.3 Nobody is doing any drugs 1.7.4 There are some retailer chains which are common. 1.7.5 Antiqdormi's Estate https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / hsuqekrpy6ju9fs91onvy / h ? rlkey = njj186fjad7s6g0lkm0kyp25f & dl = 0 1.7.6 There is an estate auction and you are outside the house 1.7.7 Rare war spoils are being sold at the auction for gold payments 1.7.8 There is a large mansion associated to the estate sale 1.7.9 Willis is at the auction and he is in his dragon visage 1.8.0 Willis is selling a battleaxe 1.8.1 The area is well oxygenated with 15 Bar of Oxygen Throughout 1.8.2 The lights are outputting about 8 lumen throughout. 1.8.3 There is 4 Rooms to the downstairs of the manor and 4 rooms to the upstairs 1.8.4 There is a kitchen which smells like citral detrussor limonene 1.8.5 Each room has their own toilet set 1.8.6 There are clothes in the rooms 1.8.7 There are computers in the rooms 1.8.8 There is a media room where people are playing instruments 1.8.9 There is plumbing provision line of oxygen in each room 1.9.0 Not much is being cooked in the kitchen 1.9.1 The auction sells its three items of the day and then the people go home 1.9.2 Some weed was sold that day always 1.9.3 Some weed grow lights were sold that day always 1.9.4 The Imperial City https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / 3b871cm0cuc2d5agrqkve / h ? rlkey = 922pfgj4yrchv6vwhip7o34oj & dl = 0 1.9.5 The user is outside the prison of the imperial city 1.9.6 Bloody croconaw need to be avoided 1.9.7 The user is inside of the city gates 1.9.8 There is a market district of the city 1.9.9 The market district has an inn and a few stores 2.0.0 A rare staff is being sold at the staff shop 2.0.1 Many robes are being sold at the staff shop 2.0.2 There is many vegetable at the inn 2.0.3 There is another nicer inn which has a downstairs unplottable section 2.0.4 There is a main temple district 2.0.5 Not much can be used in the temple district 2.0.6 All places have some 14 Bar of Oxygen and are lit at 8 Lighting Points 2.0.7 There is a marketers district 2.0.8 There is a tradesman with a full desk in the marketers district 2.0.9 You cannot go upstairs in most houses and there is no market district 2.1.0 There is scrolls in the market district which reference many arcane figures 2.1.1 There is a bloat fly district where there is a ship 2.1.2 There is not enough oxygen in the hold of the ship 2.1.3 There is a storeroom in the bloat fly district 2.1.4 Seoul Harvey Street https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / 5o98pl4r1xuaukojwsp21 / AMlfRxaMTT5vDtsjkm1lxvM ? rlkey = 8zn027722n2mx18udx2bz51g1 & dl = 0 2.1.5 Seoul Juniper Street https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / 1w4ukguw8022bk4sgxxf4 / AFraPT_wxHm294rqwtiJ7BY ? rlkey = bcub6mqad562e6w1jd1l0o29f & dl = 0 2.1.6 30C International https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / lar0xhpgnwkvepvglr97r / h ? rlkey = dhwyo18ci9e3d01ryb645s0f9 & dl = 0 2.1.7 Harvey Street Is In a Nice District 2.1.8 Harvey Street Has an International Tower On It 2.1.9 The international Tower has 4 levels 2.2.0 The international tower has guest checkin 2.2.1 The international tower has a public restroom 2.2.2 Chris has a room near the international tower 2.2.3 Chris has an upstairs and a kitchen and a foyer 2.2.4 Chris has clothes in his room 2.2.5 Chris has a PC in his room 2.2.6 The Gayo Strawberry Have a music studio near the International Tower 2.2.7 Strawberry Studio has its own music equipment 2.2.8 Strawberry Studio has its own amplifier equipment 2.2.9 Strawberry Studio has its own computer equipment 2.3.0 Juniper street is where chris has another house 2.3.1 Ievan also has houses at juniper street 2.3.2 All three houses have an upstairs and a kitchen and a bedroom 2.3.3 Not much is cooked in the kitchen 2.3.4 All houses have clothes in the bedroom 2.3.5 All houses have PC in the bedroom 2.3.6 There is another international tower at juniper street 2.3.7 The tower also has 4 levels and a checkin and a restroom 2.3.8 There is a 7/11 which the people can access to get some food at 2.3.9 Nobody is doing any drugs. 2.4.0 Glowfield https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / jqq6fkc119yzyywbxs4u5 / AG3UrEfvxSsAS4T0OX5llkQ ? rlkey = x38gj50pnb3jqhyfkt4ilc2z4 & dl = 0 2.4.1 Everyone is an animal and it is twilight 2.4.2 There is the town down the road from you and a military fort and the town you are living in 2.4.3 There is an animal house you live in and there are maybe 4 other animal house 2.4.4 You can get some food from a cat dispenser 2.4.5 There are mother cat holders and mother and father cat families 2.4.6 Everywhere holds good sea level 16 Bar Oxygen 2.4.7 Everywhere holds good 8 lumen lighting 2.4.8 There is a cat tower with cats in it 2.4.9 There is a medical area for cats with cats in it 2.5.0 Valdrakken Sleepover https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / x7rce9kp6c2yeic445ixl / AJ-zhRCSrlCL2goTP84YfGg ? rlkey = tp2i4w00oormstvj41xc9vo5m & dl = 0 2.5.1 There is a large house with cartestraza in it 2.5.2 There is a long path to the tea party 2.5.3 There is an auctionhouse 2.5.4 There is a bank to deal money 2.5.5 There is some other buildings to cartman's friends 2.5.6 The Area is Well Oxygenated at 16 Bar Throughout 2.5.7 The Area is lit at 8 lumen throughout 2.5.8 There is some river baths below 2.5.9 There is an artesian's area 2.6.0 There is a smithy area 2.6.1 There is the actual tea party area which has cartmans medicine in it 2.6.2 RT Agnes' House https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / taeckmcb9xjxqr29n04cs / AD-QiTDUCqHv4zeioEN4bac ? rlkey = wqq6akw3qb7cawq2odtobm642 & dl = 0 2.6.3 There is a large school for troubled girls 2.6.4 There is a kitchen 2.6.5 There is dormitories for the girls 2.6.6 There is a grounds which has shrubs 2.6.7 There is oxygen at 16 Bars throughout 2.6.8 There is lighting at 8 Lumen Throughout 2.6.9 There are large displays which the girls check into their rooms with 2.7.0 The kitchen does not cook much 2.7.1 There are clothes in each room 2.7.2 There are PCs in each room 2.7.3 There are no actual girls in the environment but the user 2.7.4 The girls can exit to the grounds to loiter 2.7.5 Swiss Alps Preserve https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / 0d79rs7wyvfxceq66wgnz / AK9c1ny2KbhwuOFdloQDthI ? rlkey = 6ylncw0w3h8rnt1ya9xxfujjl & dl = 0 2.7.6 The user is in a bunker with notch 2.7.7 The user has their own room towards the entrance 2.7.8 The user has their parents room towards the entrance 2.7.9 All throughout the bunker is high quality oxygen at 16 Bar 2.8.0 The bunker is lit at 8 lumens of power 2.8.1 There is a farther on section where notch is 2.8.2 Notch has a candy room 2.8.3 Notch has a secret area where he is keeping your sister 2.8.4 Notch is keeping your other sister 2.8.5 There is just candy for the people kept 2.8.6 Notch is nowhere to be found 2.8.7 Your sisters are nowhere 2.8.8 USS Nimitz Class Aircraft Carrier https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / 0d79rs7wyvfxceq66wgnz / AK9c1ny2KbhwuOFdloQDthI ? rlkey = 6ylncw0w3h8rnt1ya9xxfujjl & dl = 0 2.8.9 DANGER USA Start on the flight deck 2.9.0 Bridge off limit controls the ship 2.9.1 Go underbelly on side stairs 2.9.2 Main work area towards in crew to the left 2.9.3 UAVs launch from here and F-22 2.9.4 Hydraulic Lift to Deck 2.9.5 Maintenance area after second work area staging area 2.9.6 SEALS Range at the Maintenance Area 2.9.7 Medical Officer at the end of the second area 2.9.8 In Crew Area First left mess down the stairs Main Area 2.9.9 Mail room front left and officer's bunks left 3.0.0 Shower area mid right 3.0.1 Boys and Girls bunks off left 3.0.2 Cook at the mess 3.0.3 Pilot a UAV from the officers nook 3.0.4 Four hidden area one main area one cook area one uav area one tactical bridge 3.0.5 Capacity for 16+ Humvee and 4 UAV and 4 F-22 3.0.6 Multiuse tool driver and gasoline availible at main area 3.0.7 Sonar availible at side bridge 3.0.8 Cooking at cooks area 3.0.9 Leisure at main area offside 3.1.0 Tahiti Resort https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / apid9px37ijuxqhmloqfi / AB-G6ghF9Fe1_XyicGEZqvE ? rlkey = az70kfyq53551bvo1og4h4jiq & dl = 0 3.1.1 You are little yeezy and you are getting dentistry 3.1.2 If you are not lil wayne IRL you are AJB Jody in this daydream 3.1.3 You go to the tahiti dentist 3.1.4 He looks up your care and gives you a molar filling 3.1.5 You are free to party with your friends 3.1.6 Your dog poops in the pool but somebody cleans it up 3.1.7 You have 4 cabana to your friend 3.1.8 One of your cabana has a pool in it your dog pooped in 3.1.9 You can go to the wilderness 3.2.0 Old Man Dancubed has a Hut in the wilderness 3.2.1 There is oxygen everywhere at 16 Bar Sea Level Pressure 3.2.2 There is lighting everywhere at natural 8 lumens of lighting 3.2.3 There is a swarm of shroomish in the field 3.2.4 You have no pokeball so you cannot catch the shroomish 3.2.5 You go back to the cabana 3.2.6 Each cabana has a toilet 3.2.7 You use the toilet 3.2.8 You are yeezy so you just put on your clothes now. 3.2.9 Home Base https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / 5o4vbl2np0025bx7oxh60 / h ? rlkey = 7m3d4873lmcfutz2ro5gy7cyq & dl = 0 3.3.0 You wake up in Desert Rain 3.3.1 You march to the toilet 3.3.2 You use the toilet 3.3.3 You go to the mess 3.3.4 You open the door to the mess and get your tray 3.3.5 You eat your food 3.3.6 You go to physical training 3.3.7 You do physical training or go on a mission in the field 3.3.8 If you have new equipment show the privates 3.3.9 Use echo locator to fetch orders (officer only) 3.4.0 Goto the APV and make sure it is fueled and the doors lock 3.4.1 Drive to the location A checkpoint alpha at the far edge of the friendly territory not bearing weapons 3.4.2 Drive to location B target pickup at the interior of enemy territory making sure to bear weapons 3.4.3 Park at location and retrieve medical patient 3.4.4 Ask patient disease consent for cancer surgery (always cancer patient) 3.4.5 En route to home base treat patient with PS-1994 vaccine and surgery necessary being sure to stitch patient after primary surgery 3.4.6 Administer the painkiller if patient is having trouble with pain 3.4.7 Evacuate patient from vehicle after vehicle is at rest and then put patient in medical staging area 3.4.8 Call for medical huey and wait with patient and administer patient second stage antiviral 3.4.9 Transport patient directly to liberty missile carrier holding patients hand if neccesary with using air harness 3.5.0 March patient on gurney downstairs on the liberty missile carrier 3.5.1 March back to huey after patient is downstairs and make sure medical contract if given is given with you there 3.5.2 Fly Huey back to primary objective 10 miles 3.5.3 Land huey and get out of the huey 3.5.4 Finish Physical Training for rest of 2 Hours 3.5.5 When physical training is done hit the speedbag and boots off 3.5.6 Get more food at the mess 3.5.7 Get a drink or water or get chiropracting 3.5.8 Use the Toughbook at the tent with variac 3.5.9 Tend to medical duties or monitor existing operations for the rest of the day (reg for day shift) 3.6.0 FT BENNINGS https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / wcyt8yjbqilrpix326uau / AF33dEe1N3JjJsXCplAatOo ? rlkey = 36rorc1x44wadrk0d1f0qxr1u & dl = 0 3.6.1 There are some houses at Fort Bennings 3.6.2 There is an extended range at Fort Bennings 3.6.3 Fort Bennings has 15 bar sea level oxygen 3.6.4 Fort Bennings has natural 8 lumens of lighting 3.6.5 Fort Bennings requires you to go up a wall and across a river and down 3.6.6 Fort Bennings Requires you to Swim at the pool 3.6.7 Fort Bennings Has a medical officer at most times in the medical section 3.6.8 Fort Bennings has secret parts of the range that only SEALS are allowed to access 3.6.9 Fort Bennings may get delivery of arms materiel from time to time to facilitate operations at Fort Bennings. 3.7.0 Royal Army on Mars https : // www . dropbox . com / scl / fo / w2mz1k144pg3ak0zh6kyx / AHyDiQR1gV17yam9Xu6sj74 ? rlkey = 9pjhuiukfchqf1annvakgd1ez & dl = 0 3.7.1 The player is on a mars base 3.7.2 200 Or More People are around the player 3.7.3 The player behaves normally and has no particular power 3.7.4 There is an upstairs to the base with a school and a downstairs and science and a commissary and mail room on mars 3.7.5 Domestic Mew Pokemon are grown by the mars base 3.7.6 The mars base has reached almost complete buildout 3.7.7 The mars base has an exterior portion where 449 houses are 3.7.8 The total span of the mars base is over 2000 meters in length 3.7.9 The mars base incorporates an inflatable farm structure and has over 45 power core of the same design in it and also has various synthesis on it.

Hey all, im a new GM and im fortunate enough to have a lot of back of house space for my crew during break time and before their shift, meaning they can sit down, eat, and relax. Me and my franchise owner work together A LOT so we decided to put together a little employee commissary and are doing beverages, snacks, and food, however, my question is do you think we could get away with a small nespresso or keurig in that area too, or would coorperate come down with a hammer because of the whole mormon anti coffee thing, or do any of you have some in your store for personal use?

1. Infiltrate to Target Building 1.1 Watch Corners and Closets 1.1.1 Fire Upon Enemy If Enemy Is There, Conserve Ammo 1.1.2 Throw Flashbang into Target 1.1.3 Throw Frag Grenade into Target 1.1.4 Breach Door 1.1.5 Sweep Far Right Then Left After Breaching Door 1.1.6 In Case Of Multiple Targets Engage In As Needed At Arms Bearing Against Self 1.1.7 Fire Burst 4, 1-2-3, 4 Pulling Down Twice After Each 4 And Naturally Controlling Recoil at Interior 1.1.8 Fire Up to 3 Kill Burst At Target With 30 Round or 6 Kill Burst with 60 Round 1.1.9 Aim Directly At Target, or if target is moving, Ahead of Target 1.2.0 Fire at target head if possible 1.2.1 Fire Twice at Target Head 1.2.2 If There Are Multiple Targets go for multiple headshots 1.2.3 Engage with sidearm if primary weapon is out of ammo 1.2.4 Fire 2 2 123 1234 Twice for Pistol shots, Then Coup De Grace 1.2.5 Use Automatic Pistol in up to seven round bursts, 7,7,3-1 1.2.6 Supressor Decreases power but increases stealth 1.2.7 When sneaking detect enemy presence and avoid enemy 1.2.8 Ambush Enemy when sneaking 1.2.9 Use a Ghillie Suit when Sneaking 1.3.0 When sneaking crawl behind your officer or lead your private 1.3.1 When sneaking stand still when enemy is nearby 1.3.2 Use cover when sneaking 1.3.3 Use tactical movement when sneaking to get behind opponent 1.3.4 Ambush always closest target to reticle but bear at firearms bearing active 1.3.5 Use reticle gauge, 1 chevron 1000 meters a second 100 meters half a chevron 100 meters typical 1.3.6 Sight target, target at quarter scope is at 100 meters, target at chevron distance is 420 meters, target do not engage is 1000 meters not visible 1.3.7 Use agog or another 4x sight or an 8x sight if sniping 1.3.8 Dead recon ahead of target when engaging moving long range target 1.3.9 Wear ballistic plates when in combat 1.4.0 Maintain your weapon and build your weapon before the start of every combat mission 1.4.1 Do not betray your position 1.4.2 Enter another house after the first raid or make your way to objective 1.4.3 When raiding a house apply aggression not defense to the personell attacked 1.4.4 When using a sniper rifle fire quickly down the hip or down the sights quickly at a close range target 1.4.5 Use a semiautomatic sniper rifle or a bolt action sniper rifle 1.4.6 Blend your ghillie with the terrain, using local vegetation detail the ghillie 1.4.7 To form a ghillie use an old BDU, and some combat netting to tie 1mm 10 inch length tied in the middle or 20 inch length untied burlap rather jute threads all over the entire BDU, to the detail for the terrain according to your rit dye mixture. 1.4.8 Form a M11 from scratch at the armory 1.4.9 Deploy on an C130 globetrotter to the target objective 1.5.0 Make friends with people in the field then go to the field to kill the enemy 1.5.1 Camp out at objective and kill the enemy when they cross a checkpoint which is covered by UAV 1.5.2 Get out of dodge if too much enemy is expected and mainly do recon 1.5.3 Call in air strikes on many enemy position 1.5.4 Get medevac if there is medical casualties with a APV or Humvee or an airlift. 1.5.5 Move on objective and raid the enemy house if there is enemy in the enemy house 1.5.6 Engage recreational objective 1.5.7 Take prisoners and take no names 1.5.8 Use AC130 support with toughbook tablet to personally call in AC130 strikes 1.5.9 Use toughbook tablet to retrieve tactical objective 1.6.0 Train at the range of rupert or mccrystal 1.6.1 Shoot 100m standoff at the range, after marching to the range, shoot your M4 at the targets for a valid score, reload at ping! 1.6.2 If ping is heard in combat this is to motivate you to finish the objective 1.6.3 Use a bdu to enhance your camouflages, expected only tracking when moving quickly 1.6.4 Call in UAV support from a location 1.6.5 When moving in a dangerous location actually keep your head down 1.6.6 Assualt enemy with main weapon then from backstrap kill enemy with shotgun 1.6.7 Check if your plates are busted 1.6.8 Don't test friendly plates 1.6.9 Use the rubber chicken to get a lobotomy from radiation (soap beating) 1.7.0 Avoid attack dogs 1.7.1 Avoid radiation 1.7.2 If engaging a lonely target aim for the head if they are waiting around smoking or something 1.7.3 Use pair kill to kill two enemy one after the other, spotter sniper kill and kill . 1.7.4 Engage many targets with effective support fire to engage the hostiles before they are in your position 1.7.5 If dropping into a dangerous area try and land on top of a building 1.7.6 Kill all enemy before they are able to return fire 1.7.7 Move always to next objective immediately on request 1.7.8 Form your own plan if things are going wrong 1.7.9 Look for enemy computers and intelligence to capture 1.8.0 Do not retrieve stolen weapons 1.8.1 Get to Extraction. 1.8.2 Evacuate friendly and enemy personell to safety 1.8.3 Drive humvee or APV to objective 1.8.4 Try not to make too much damage at objective 1.8.5 Check Enemy or Friendly personell into APV 1.8.6 Take personell to home base 1.8.7 Take personell to liberty yacht 1.8.8 Make sure personell is active OK after operation 1.8.9 Get some food at the mess 1.9.0 Get some water at the fountain 1.9.1 Sleep in the Cots 1.9.2 Use the Starlink PC 1.9.3 Use the Toilet 1.9.4 Wipe your butt 1.9.5 Make your bed 1.9.6 Take off your shoes 1.9.7 Wear NBC 1.9.8 Use the Speedbag 1.9.9 March to Physical Training 2.0.0 Do Physical Training or medevac 3 hours minimum 2.0.1 Make sure the mains power is working 2.0.2 Cook for a crowd 2.0.3 Send sonar request 2.0.4 Pilot the UAV 2.0.5 Push the UAV to the Lift 2.0.6 Turn around the UAV on the Lift 2.0.7 Have your master seargant hit the lift button 2.0.8 Get off the lift 2.0.9 Turn the UAV around at the top deck crew 2.1.1 Mount the UAV to the launch trolley without turning on the UAV's primary prop at the UAV control 2.1.2 Turn on the UAV's prop and launch the UAV at the launch control at the bridge 2.1.3 Fly the UAV around a bit and attempt to land it back at the kinetic deassist 2.1.4 Take the UAV back to the lift 2.1.5 Bottom deck hits the lift and the UAV is off the lift 2.1.6 Get some recreation at the commissary or mail room nation specific 2.1.7 Use the baths for short time 2.1.8 Sleep in the bunks 2.1.9 Use the Seals Firing Range 2.2.0 Stay out of maintenance area at all times and stay out of main area at off hours 2.2.1 Get some food at the nimitz mess 2.2.2 Deploy on a hovercraft

Here are the goodies.

Total: $49.06

Coupons: None!

Total Cash Back: $52.56

Final Cost: -$3.50 - Money Maker

 
Here is the complete break down and sites used. The stores are listed in the breakdown image. I don't include sites that take any receipt on my breakdown. Extra: Motts, Wafer bars
Note: Individual deals vary by user for most apps. If you don't have the deals right now, you can try checking back later.
 
My Guides

1. All rebate apps/sites I use and/or know about
   
2. How I do my hauls
   
3. Beginners guide to using rebate apps/sites - for those who don't know where to start
   

 
If you aren't interested in this kind of thing, please keep your comments to yourself. If you don't like what I buy, you can buy different products. If you don't like hunting for deals, you can do surveys, microtasks, games or whatever else you like instead. There is no need to discourage other users just because you aren't interested in the same things!
 
If you don't need feminine hygiene products, toothpaste, soaps, etc - consider donating them to your local women's shelter, church, or school!
 
Some Additional Deals

• $10 back on 7 Kellogg's Products (specific products only) - Military Commissaries only - Refund is a digital gift card (includes Prepaid visa - view the website for all the options) - Expires 5/31/24 - (Thanks to u/Kicker774 for mentioning it!)
  
• Nature Valley Wafer or Breakfast Bars (specific products) - Free after Rebate - PayPal or Venmo - Void in CT, RI, ND, and Miami Dade County - Expires 8/31/24
  
• Nature Valley Lunch Box Bars, Mott's Baked Bars, Fiber One Donuts (specific products) - Free after Rebate - PayPal or Venmo - Void in CT, RI, ND, and Miami Dade County - Expires 8/31/24
  
• Fresh Fizz - Free can at Fresh Thyme - Venmo or PayPal
  
• Painterland Sisters Yogurt - Free at Whole Foods (PA, VA, MD, DC) - Venmo or PayPal
  
• Pepsi - Free after Rebate. Expires 6/17/24
  
• Tru Water - Free can at Walmart - Venmo or PayPal
  
• Cheesecake Factory GC - $10 bonus card when you buy a $50 one - Expires 5/12
  
• Fromm Diner Can - Free after coupon. (It's pet food)
  
• Painterland Sisters Yogurt - Free after rebate. PayPal or Venmo. Whole Foods only.
  
• Beneful - IB + SK
  
• Suja Protein Shake - Free at Target in-store or online.
  
• Coffee (Any?) - You get a coupon for up to $10 in free coffee when you buy 3 participating special K cereals. I don't see anything mentioned about specific brands, but I also don't quite know how it works. - Expires 5/30/24
  
• Gooey - Free after rebate - Venmo/PayPal - (It says Walmart at the top, but it also says "from any store")
  
• Perfect Bar - One free bar - PayPal, Venmo, Amazon - Rebates are often instant
  
• CHKP - Free after Aisle - Fairway, Whole Foods, ShopRite
  
• Dr Elsey's Cat Litter - Up to $22 back on a bag up to 40 lbs when you purchase at Target, Walmart, or a local business pet store. You need to cut out the barcode and mail it in with the receipt. One rebate per person/household/address. Must submit within 90 days. There's also a handful of $1 coupons on this page.
  
• Free bag of Like Air Puffcorn - Refund via PayPal or Venmo. Must purchase in-store or for curbside pickup. Expiration date unknown.
  
• Kellogg's Promotions - Various stuff ranging from coupons for free products, movie tickets, various merchandise, and more.
  
• Various Sampoll offers
  
• Offers on Aisle Referrals: Halfday Rockstar - Buy 2 get $5 back. No gas purchase needed. Can do every other week. Free HOP Water (using my ref will give me another rebate offer) Pays out via PayPal or Venmo
  
• Various freebies on Ibotta.
  
• Various deals I've done in previous weeks can still be done.
  

 

Afterthoughts

This week's haul is split up because I was planning to do a haul Monday while I grabbed some necessary things, but I misjudged my ability (or lack thereof) to plan a haul while in the grocery store. So, I gave up and went home, haha. I knew I was going to be going by Wal-Mart today too. The Amazon purchase I did a little while ago. I was paid immediately, but it just showed up in the mail today so I decided to throw it on as well.
Those Strawberry wafer bars are surprisingly good. I always go for the strawberry whatever when possible, and I'm usually disappointed. These ones were better than expected though.
 
Not shown on this list, but I also grabbed 5 containers of Crest (plus one on Monday). They're $3.97 with $2 back on IB. I'm going to pair this with PG Good's rebate, but I haven't decided whether I'll go with the $5 back on $20 or the $15 back on $50. The toothpaste expires in about a year, so 6 (plus the 1.5 I already had) is probably enough for me, so it's just a matter of whether I'll be getting any deals for the other items. I probably won't, but in that case It'd be 6 tubes of Crest Pro-Health for $6.82 which isn't a bad deal. I get other brands free fairly often, but I only like Crest.
 

Time Spent

Monday I tried planning a haul for like 10 minutes while in the store before giving up since my brain wasn't working. Today's haul was planned over the course of like 10 minutes since it was already half done. I forgot to track how long I was in the store, but usually it's about an hour give or take a few minutes, and that includes my regular shopping too.
 

Food From Deals

Here's some things I've made in the past: High Protein Tomato Crackers, Hot Sausage Cups, Peanut Butter Fudge & Chocolate Hazelnut Fudge, Chocolate Cherry Pie
 
Do you guys want me to continue showing things I've made using ingredients I got from rebate apps on these posts? Let me know in the comments, or you can vote on this poll if you want to remain anonymous.
 

Mini FAQ

• If you're new or confused - check out the guides near the top of the post. They go into detail about everything.
  
• I'm from the USA and these posts are tailored as such, but this post of mine does list things from other countries that I know about.
  
• My posts are tailored to being money makers to suit this subreddit. There are tons of great deals that aren't money makers but can still save you a lot of money.
  
• A lot of what I get is given away to friends, family or is donated. I do this more as a hobby than anything.
  
• I generally do not share my spreadsheet since the one shown in this post is not the one I actually use (it's put together with a script from my usual spreadsheet) and there are a ton of little things that will give you wrong values if you don't know about them and even then you have to be careful. It's super easy to make a spreadsheet with Google Sheets though.
  

Hi everybody,
I have a food truck but I need a place where I can park it over night (I park it at my house but my neighbors call the police and I’ve gotten 3 tickets already 🙄) preferably a place with a kitchen too.
Hopefully in the Orem/Provo/American Fork Area!

I'm in the process of getting a coffee trailer built out and completing the county's forms as we go. I understand that even a beverage truck (no food) in Maricopa would need a commissary kitchen. We've called a few listed online and went to a couple more in person, but to our surprise- they noted that they weren't taking on new trucks, or requested a large fee to "sign the paper".
The start up costs for a small business are high enough without requirements like a commissary kitchen. =/
I wonder if I have other options, or if there is a kitchen owner here who can lend advice?
Guidance is welcomed & so appreciated!

My partner has been in county almost a year awaiting sentencing for federal. In past year he has seen quality of food go down tremendously and commissary items skyrocket. Is the food in fed any better? Does anyone have any tips or tricks to help supplement the meager portions served in county? I put money on his books but with commissary skyrocketing things are very tight. TIA.

My son is at his 60 day mark in protective custody. The cell is like 6x8. Small window. Slot for food. He has no time outside and just received commissary for the first time. He recently got a pair of shoes, blanket and deodorant. He takes 2 showers a week. That is the only time he leaves his cell. They do have a seg yard. Wired off place. Basketball goal with no basketball. Why isn't he allowed to go outside? Even with a guard? No one else is in that area. He has just been allowed to get books, which I have just mailed. Anyway, I was so pissed about him not even having the basics that I wrote a letter to his attorney, the OIG which transferred it to the warden, to the chief and just about anyone else I could think of. I understand protocol. But the implementation of the rules is what I complained about. I also wrote that in no way was I complaining about the guards. They've been good to him. I just think there should be other options. Safety vs isolation. Or more specifically why aren't there other options. I even gave my thoughts to possible solutions. ( Stupid I know ) Well my son wasn't very happy about me doing this. I didn't understand the politics. Well I understand now but I'm still pissed. I really just want to change the policy and meanwhile try to get him some yard time. I noticed online today that there are groups who stand up for prison rights and are trying to get the policies changed. If I reach out to these different groups am I causing him more problems than good? Are all people in protective custody treated as if they they are in there for punishment? Of course my son isn't complaining even though his thoughts are all about safety? I've read about the effects of long term isolation. Btw, he's in state jail) Texas Thanks so much!

My old job at the commissary kitchen, doing prep for 7+ restaurants took a dive back in January due to the new landlord jacking up the rent and being an unreasonable prick.
I had a connect at one of those fancy pants burger joints(not 5 guys), he sweet talked me and I wasn't even out of work for 2 days. Had big plans hyped for AGM roll, and after four months was still only getting a couple shift leader spots a week. So two weeks ago, everyone including me gets hours chopped by nearly half and we're starting to pick up major busy days for spring/summer(like $10k per day in sales). I pull boss aside and find out he's been given a 17% labor goal by the owner. I tell him that's fucking bullshit and even a 20% labor goal is cutting it thin. He caves an bumps my hours, but we're still giving rest of the crew like 15-20hr weeks. We also have had a turnover with four crew peeps dipping out for their summer jobs and/or leaving town.
I had seen a couple red flags, but was hoping I could get passed them and pick up those medium bucks down the line. I'm just not a chain corporate person, and care too much for our little guys. At least the place is clean and the food is good.
So I'm eating lunch at my favorite brunch joint last week and overhear they're gearing up for summer. I fill an app, meet with the chef a few days ago, he offers same pay/bennies and I accept. I've done brunch a lot and I love it. GM did not take it well. I don't really have any remorse, I start the new place in two weeks because I don't want to burn my smash burger bridge. I'll get my evenings off again, and get to cook and prep real food. Off by 330pm I can dig it.
AITA? I feel like we should always take care of ourselves. Also fuck corporate slave labor goals!

Hello everyone I just got my rating (I’m at 30% for the time being). Is it possible to get any type of veteran ID? And if so how do I do it? Will it get me on base to access the exchange and/or the commissary? Example: When I visit my family overseas there are certain food items that I wouldn’t find anywhere except for the commissary on base.
Thank you everyone in advance for your time.
** UPDATE**
I called the base pass office and they said I should be able to get on base as long as I have a service connected VHIC without needing to register. (Naples Italy Naval Support Site)

Does anyone here operate a commissary kitchen other than me? Food truck operators? Caterers?

I've been vegan for about 2 years. I recently had to go to jail for 3 weeks. Obviously, I stayed vegan even though it meant I was hungry a lot. Starting on like day 3 through now (ive been out like a week), Ive had just awful farts. I assumed it was something about what they were (not) feeding me and it would go away when I got out. My friends are teasing me about my awful vegan farts. Is this like a vitamin deficiency? The first week in jail I mostly ate bread and oranges and mushy carrots, but when commissary came I went all in on peanut butter. My usual diet is varied and includes lots of fake meat/fake cheese sort of foods.

8 nights in this somewhat controversial room category.
Contempo:

• We had to move rooms twice at the beginning because we booked a water view room and got 2 rooms looking at grass or trees. Kind of crazy and they were giving me attitude that "the room is a water view room" but actually no it's not I was at the room and there was no water to be seen. I took pictures of the view from those if anyone wants to see. The water view costs extra I should get to see the damn water.
  
• Eventually we did get an amazing room with a genuine water view. And perhaps more exciting for me was that we had optimal viewing of the Water Pageant from the room.
  
• The theming at the Contemporary is all over the place. Lobby is midcentury, convention floor is themed to liminal backrooms(weird choice Disney), and the 4th floor is early 00's mall themed. Then the rooms are Incredibles themed. For being one of the most popular and expensive resorts it's crazy that this is still in this state.
  
• One of the best food resorts. Steakhouse 71, Cali Grill, and even the Contempo Cafe all go hard. 71 might be the best food/price at Disney World.
  
• Pool area is, unsurprisingly, very dated. Also why are there no hot tubs open until 10am? So weird, never had an issue getting a morning soak at other Deluxes. There was a freezing cold pool that opened at 7, but not the hot tub area. Who's taking a dip at 7am in an unheated pool?
  
• I love the monorails, I really do, but they are a grossly inefficient way to get around if you're in any kind of hurry.
  

Parks:

• Man, having just done a universal trip, Genie+ is really starting to wear me thin. Getting up at 7am every day, and being buried in my phone/setting alarms felt really dystopian for a theme park vacation. Essentially paying more money for the privilege of getting up at 7am to book a ride, or wait in an artificially long standby queue for the ride absolutely blows. The sooner this system goes the better.
  
• Cast members are everything.
  
• I really felt the lack of new rides this trip. Animal Kingdom has gone 7 years without a new ride and no construction started yet, crazy.
  

Food:

• I feel like a lot of people complain about the food online but I couldn't disagree more. Maybe I've gotten better at knowing where the good stuff is but overall the food was excellent.
  
• Skipper Canteen, 50's, Sci-Fi, SH71, Space 220, even Tony's were all good.
  
• Quick service was more hit or miss but I know what I'm getting into when I eat at Cosmic Ray's. ABC Commissary is probably the most underrated QS.
  

Final thoughts:

• The Contemporary is no doubt historic, but might be better suited for a resort hop than a full stay.
  
• The Parks could use some new life. New rides, maybe that drone parade, they are a little stagnant right now.
  

Overall, it was still a wonderful trip but you can certainly see where some of the discourse online is coming form.
Feel free to ask any questions!

I've been in and out of prisons and jails ever since I was 17. I thought I had seen it all- Aryan Brotherhood members stabbing guards, gang wars, escapes and torture. I saw many things that still give me nightmares to this day.
"MacDonald, 402202," the guard barked out. I jumped up, the thin mattress under me exhaling a whiff of stale air. I looked through the bars, seeing Correctional Officer Shea. CO Shea was a morbidly obese man with a penchant for being loud and lazy. I had seen a member of the Bloods punch him straight in the nose before, a scene I still remembered with some humor. Shea had crumpled like wet paper on the floor, screaming and crying as more COs ran over and tackled the inmate.
"Yeah?" I asked. Shea handed me a sheet of paper. He regarded me with his gray, colorless eyes.
"Congratulations, you're being transferred. Pack your shit. This is your last day at Springfield Correctional Center."
***
You might think I would be happy to get a transfer. SCC was, after all, a shithole. The food was terrible and always cold, the place always smelled like bleach and chemicals, and at night it got so cold with only my flimsy sheet that I regularly woke up shivering. The building was nearly a century old, and the fact that it still functioned at all was a miracle in itself.
But, to be honest, I was not thrilled about the transfer. I had made friends here and knew the lay of the land. I didn't have to worry about getting jumped or stabbed to death in the showers. As the old adage goes, it's better the devil you know than the one you don't.
I was led out of my cell the next evening with all the worldly possessions I owned, which fit neatly into a clear trash bag with room to spare. I owned some prison clothes, toothpaste, a toothbrush, deodorant, a Bible, a pair of sandals and a radio. I felt the unbearable lightness of my existence reflected in that bag as it smacked rhythmically against my leg.
"Good luck, friend Josh!" a rather insane acquaintance of mine named Alvin called out from his cell as I passed down the bleak, concrete hallway.
"Take care man. I hope we meet again on the outside," I said, waving, knowing I would almost certainly never see any of these people again. Hell, I hadn't even seen my family in over five years. None of them came to visit me anymore. No one wrote me letters or put money in my commissary account or sent me books to read.
"Well, we're all born alone, and we all die alone," I thought to myself as CO Shea walked by my side. He was breathing heavily, as if he had just finished running a marathon. I looked over at his face, seeing the burst capillaries on his nose from years of hard drinking and the squint of his little, piggy eyes. There was a slight gleam of intelligence and slyness behind that ugly mug, though.
"Well, amigo," Shea said in his slow, plodding way, "I got assigned to go with you. I'll be your ride along buddy. You excited or what?" I smiled faintly at him
"There are worse people than you here, Shea," I said. "Far worse."
***
I got on the prison bus in my bright-orange jumpsuit. To my surprise, I saw the back was nearly empty. There was only one other prisoner in the back. Shea sat with us to monitor us. We were also handcuffed and anklecuffed. A chain ran down and connected the two.
I looked over at the other prisoner, a black guy with a shaved head. I think he also shaved his eyebrows. I mean, I literally didn't see a single hair on his head besides eyelashes, which he apparently hadn't found a way to shave… yet.
"Sup," he said. I nodded.
"Sup." We sat there in awkward silence as Shea plopped down hard on the bench between us. It groaned like a confused old man.
"So what do you know about this place, Shea?" I asked. He sucked down half a bottle of Coke and then heaved a deep sigh.
"I don't know much about it, to be frank," he admitted sheepishly. "It is apparently brand-new, though. They asked us to send a couple people who met... certain criteria."
"What does that mean?" the black guy asked. Shea gave him a serious look.
"Come on, Timmy, you know what I mean. Hardened criminals. People with long records who tour prisons like some people tour French beaches." I scoffed.
"There are far worse people than me in prison," I said.
"Well, they asked for no murderers or gang bangers too. I don't know why, but maybe it is some new government program. They apparently call it an 'experimental prison’.”
“What about me?” Timmy asked. Shea apparently knew what he meant.
“You’re not a murderer, Timmy,” Shea said, his lips forming the faintest twitch of a smile. “You never…”
“Well, there was that time my girlfriend got me to drop some acid with her. She went and killed her parents. Then we hit the road,” Timmy said fondly, his eyes rising as if he were looking at a hovering angel in the far-off distance.
“You were never convicted of any accessory charges, so it doesn’t count,” Shea retorted.
“Oh, it counts,” Timmy drawled in his slow, plodding way. “It counts. Everything in life counts. If I’ve learned anything in the last 36 years, it’s that you can never truly escape anything you’ve done- good or bad.”
***
I couldn't see much from the prison van. There was a small, shatterproof window in the swinging back doors, but it only gave a fleeting view of what was behind us. I noticed the dark forests stretching out to the horizon over rolling hills.
We drove for a few hours. The three of us bullshitted, talking about everything from sports to politics to the recent spate of fatal stabbings at SCC.
I felt the van stop. I looked out the back window, seeing more endless trees. I didn’t see a single house or car on the road we had taken.
“This place is a ghost town,” I said. Shea nodded.
“Yeah, it’s dead as Frank Sinatra ‘round here,” Shea said, wheezing out a high-pitched laugh at his own joke. “This area used to be big for coal mining, but as it dried up and people lost their jobs, they moved away. You know, my grandfather was a coal miner.”
“Good place to build a prison, huh?” Timmy asked. “If there is no one around…” We were cut off by a clanging alarm up ahead. I heard something large moving, probably the gate opening. Then we were inside.
I saw the guard towers and rolls of razor wire for a brief moment as the van pulled into an open garage. The darkness immediately blanketed us. The garage door slowly rolled shut behind us. Shea jumped up.
“Let’s get you boys inside so I can take off your handcuffs and everything,” he said, motioning for us to follow. He pulled out a flashlight from his belt, guiding us through the pitch black. The dim light sent shadows racing across the room like groping tentacles. I caught glimpses of strange objects in the darkness. They looked like medieval torture devices.
“What is this place?” I whispered. My voice echoed far too loudly off the cold concrete floor and walls. “Those look like torture devices on that table, Shea. I think those bloody things are thumbscrews and that might be a pear of anguish…” I pointed to the pear-shaped object with three, wicked blades whose points came together sitting on a dusty shelf. The ornate handle had springs connected to it. The object could be forced into any human orifice and, when the springs were engaged, it would open like a flower inside the person’s body, ripping their flesh apart and enlarging that orifice to a bloody, gaping hole.
“How do you know so much about this?” Shea asked, giving me a strange look. He narrowed his little piggy eyes. He continued to fumble with the flashlight, peering around for a door to exit the garage. I looked back at the car and saw the driver just sitting there, his entire body as lifeless and still as a mannequin.
“I’ve read a few books…” I said as Timmy interrupted us.
“I see a little red light glowing under that door,” Timmy said. Shea focused his flashlight on the spot. Across the room, I noticed what Timmy was pointing at. It was an ancient-looking black door. The wood had started to crack and splinter down the middle. Engraved in silver on the front, it said, “Entrance to Northfrost Penitentiary.”
“Hello?” Shea called toward the door as the three of us moved forward, the steel chains giving my steps a clinking rhythm.
Shea reached the antique crystal doorknob. Timmy and I stood next to a dust-covered brazen bull, its bronze mouth wide open as if it were silently roaring at us. As Shea pulled open the door, crimson light flooded into the garage.
Tinted black glass covered the back wall. A speaker button sat next to the window. I looked to my right, seeing a massive sign sprawled across the wall there. It read:
RULES FOR PERSONAL CONDUCT AT NORTHFROST

1. The COs without faces don’t work here and we don’t know who they are. If you see one, press one of the buttons labeled “Emergency Dispatch” that are scattered around the complex.
2. When the red emergency lights come on, hide until they shut off.
3. Do not go into the medical ward for any reason.
4. The warden roams the prison every night at 3:33 AM looking for human meat. Don’t let him catch you.

“What is this, a goddamned joke?” Timmy asked, his dark face forming into a scowl.
“Uhh, well…” Shea rubbed the back of his neck, looking like an obese little boy who lost his parents. “I’ve never been here before, but this is all pretty unusual, I’ll admit.” A buzzing came from the back of the room, and suddenly a garish, echoing intercom turned on.
“Please remove their chains and direct them through the door on the left,” a female robotic voice said calmly in a tone as cool as lemonade on a hot day. “Your transfer will then be complete.” Shea sighed in relief.
“Good,” he grunted. “This place gives me the creeps.”
“Bro, you can’t leave us here,” Timmy protested. “What the fuck is this place? Where is everyone? Why is there a room filled with bloody, ancient torture devices next to the garage?” Shea put up his hands.
“I’m sorry, son, but I have orders. I’m just a messenger here. I was told to transfer you here, and that’s what I’ve done.” He fumbled around his belt for his keyring. He came over and unlocked the handcuffs and anklecuffs from both of us. I stretched, rubbing my wrists. I was glad to be out of those suffocating restraints.
“Thanks for everything, then,” I said, picking up my extremely light garbage bag of possessions and heading for the door on the left. Timmy reluctantly followed behind. A sign on this door read: “To General Population.”
But when we got to the other side and it slammed shut behind us, I found a hallway filled with more red emergency lights streaming down. An involuntary shiver ran down through my body. I remembered those absurd rules someone had put up. What had it said about red lights? My mind raced for a few moments, then the answer popped up. It said to hide.
A man shrieked up ahead, his voice riddled with agony and terror. The hallway split to the right and left, and I couldn’t see anyone. Timmy and I stopped.
“Dude, screw this,” Timmy said, turning and running back toward the door we had come through. He tried pulling it open, but it was firmly locked.
***
The scream came again, louder and closer, but this time it was cut off suddenly. I heard someone gurgling like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. And then everything went deathly silent again.
The gray, concrete floor of the hallway had arrows pointing forward on it. There were no doors here. There was nowhere to hide that I could see. Timmy and I reluctantly went forward. As we got to the intersection, we saw the dead body of a man in a brown khaki uniform.
His sightless eyes remained open. They stared up at the ceiling, glassy and still filled with horror. Deep gouge marks bit deeply into the flesh on his back and arms and chest. His throat had been cut or bit open as well. A spreading puddle of blood encircled his body.
I saw a dark blur at the end of the hallway on the right. It looked like little more than a shadow. I whispered to Timmy, pointing. We decided to go left immediately. My heart was pounding at this point. I felt like a soldier walking through the no-man’s land of a warzone. I expected the attack to come at any moment.
The hallway to the left had some doors. I sprinted forward as quietly as I could with Timmy close by my side. I read the first door: To Medical Ward.
“Ugh, no,” I whispered, going to the second one. I heard light footsteps behind me. Turning, I saw a creature from a nightmare sneaking up on us in the bloody glow of the emergency lights.
Its skin was black and shiny like that of a centipede’s. In its general form, it reminded me of a hairless werewolf. It towered over us, its eyes like bone-white cataracts, its claws as long and sharp as a dagger. And yet, its face seemed almost reptilian. It had two small nose holes like a snake and a jaw that unhinged and dropped far below its head. I saw rows of blood-soaked fangs. It gave off a low, gurgling growl that emanated from its chest.
With a rush of adrenaline and a sense of mortal terror, I pushed through the second door without reading the sign on the front. Timmy was right behind me. I heard him scream as he fell into me.
I found myself in a prison dormitory, and we weren’t alone. As I hit the ground, I saw a white face peering out at me from behind the bunk bed. The man hiding there saw the abomination behind us and got up, screaming and running away.
The creature growled, giving chase. In two powerful bounds, it had rushed across the dormitory and grabbed the man by the neck. I looked back at Timmy, seeing him groaning on the ground. Blood poured from deep cuts on his back. I grabbed him, pulling him up.
“Let’s go, let’s go, no time to…” I said when I was cut off by the sound of a neck snapping. I looked back, seeing the creature had twisted the man’s head around in a circle. It raised the limp body to its massive mouth and severed the head in a single powerful bite.
“Get me out of here, man, please,” Timmy whispered as I pulled him back out into the hallway. I looked over, seeing another werewolf creature bounding down the hallway, chasing a man in a prison jumpsuit. I had no choice.
I pulled Timmy toward the door labeled “Medical Ward”. With a creak of rusted hinges, it opened. We went inside to hide.
***
“Maybe there’s something in here we can use to bandage you up,” I said to Timmy, pulling him down the short hallway toward a room filled with single beds. I didn’t know why the rules said to avoid this place. It looked totally empty. Against the back wall, I saw a glass cabinet filled with bandages, rubbing alcohol, band-aids and other various first aid supplies. I ran toward it. Timmy limped along after me, still groaning.
“Goddamn, I think those claws went down to the bone,” he said.
“It’s gonna be OK,” I said as I pulled out some antiseptic and bandages, adding, “It could’ve been a lot worse.” The universe would immediately prove me right. I heard a slight giggling from under one of the beds. Timmy and I both froze.
Two rotted hands reached out, dragging the mutilated body of a little girl behind them. She had patches of garish, black stitches running across her face, hands and arms. Dark, clotted blood dripped from the sites. She wore a gore-smeared hospital gown and had no eyes. I looked into the empty sockets. They stared back at me like two black holes spinning in the void.
As she rose, her giggles became full-blown laughter, a hysterical gurgling like the laugh of a dying person. Then she ran at me. I saw the silver gleam of a scalpel in her little hand.
“No!” I screamed, raising my hands to protect myself. The scalpel came down, slicing across my palm. It cut deeply. A cold, burning pain ran up my arm. I repressed the urge to scream.
At that moment, the red emergency lights flicked off. Bright, fluorescent lights popped on, flickering and strobing in rapid succession. Timmy ran forward, tackling the undead girl. But I saw more small hands reaching out from under the beds, hands filled with sores and squirming larvae. I could see the bones of their hands through necrotic patches eaten into their flesh.
I ran for Timmy, grabbing him and hauling him up.
“Time to go! Now!” I screamed, pulling him forward as more undead boys and girls rose up, all with sharp knives and surgical instruments grasped in their little hands. I felt a sudden pain in my leg. Looking down, I saw a knife sticking out of my thigh. The empty eye sockets of a little boy’s face stared up at me, grinning like a skull.
I collapsed on the ground as we were surrounded. I prayed to God then, knowing we would die. I prayed that he would forgive me for all my mistakes, because I was on a fast-track to the afterlife and would be seeing him in a few seconds. With a sharp cry of pain, I yanked the knife out of my leg, turning it on my attacker.
Then a gunshot rang out. The head of the nearest girl exploded in a shower of bone fragments and dead maggots. I looked up, seeing Shea standing at the door, his pistol raised.
“Come on!” he screamed. “Come on, you idiots! Let’s go! Now!” Timmy and I didn’t need any more encouragement. As Shea continued to blow apart the nearest of the undead abominations, we limped and scrambled towards him. My leg gave a shriek of pain with every step.
We got out of the medical ward, battered and bruised but still alive.
***
“Why’d you come back, Shea?” I asked through pained breaths. Shea gave me a frantic look.
“When I got back out to the car, the driver was dead. His throat was… ripped out or something, I don’t know. I grabbed his keys and came back for you two. I don’t know where we are, but I’m getting you out of here,” he explained. I looked at him in amazement. I had never thought in a million years Shea would risk his life to save some scumbag inmates.
“So what’s the plan?” Timmy asked, sweating heavily, his eyes wild and pained. “How are we getting out of here without dying?” Shea shrugged.
“The door locked behind us when we came in,” I said. “Unless we can break it down and get back to the car…” We passed by buttons labeled “Emergency Dispatch” under glowing red emergency signs. I wondered if we could get help somehow through them.
“Halt!” someone cried from behind us. I looked back, seeing a man in a black correctional officers uniform. He ran toward us, his hand on the radio hanging from his belt. But something immediately seemed off about the figure.
As he got closer, I realized why. He had no face. His entire head was just smooth, white skin, without hair or any signs of features. He spoke again, and the voice seemed to come from all around his body.
“You must report to the medical ward,” the strange figure said. “We do not allow injured people in the hallways.”
“No, we’re fine,” Shea said, grinning. “See, buddy? I work for the DOC too.” He pointed at the identification clipped to his breast pocket. The figure raised his radio to his lips.
“We have resistance near Dormitory One,” the fake CO said into his radio before any of us could stop him. Shea ran forward, knocking the radio from his hand. The CO instantly straightened up and whipped out his pistol, pointing it at Shea’s torso. He fired, and I saw Shea’s chest explode in a blossoming flower of blood.
“No, dammit!” Timmy said, running forward. I saw a silver gleam in his hand, and I realized he had taken one of the scalpels from the undead Shea had killed in the Medical Ward. As the fake CO spun to point the pistol at Timmy, Timmy ran into him, stabbing the scalpel deeply into the CO’s neck.
They fell together with Timmy on top of the fake CO. His body weight drove the scalpel deeper into the white, featureless skin. Blood the color of soot spurted from the wound. The gun went off, the bullet missing Timmy entirely and smashing into the ceiling. The CO’s gurgling death gasps seem to come from all around his body. I grabbed Timmy.
“Get the guns!” I said. “They’re both dead. We need the guns.” He nodded, grabbing the CO’s gun and taking an extra magazine from his belt. I did the same with Shea’s gun and magazine. I pressed the button labeled “Emergency Dispatch” as more faceless men appeared far off down the corridor. Then we fled as fast as we could from that hallway, but, seeing as we were both in pretty bad shape, it wasn’t very fast.
At that point, I was just glad to be alive, though.
***
We wandered around the prison, avoiding the faceless COs whenever we saw them patrolling the hallways. They would radio to each other, their voices always surrounding their bodies rather than coming from their heads, which I found extremely eerie and unsettling. A couple times, I saw men in black SWAT suits with automatic rifles gunning down the fake COs. I wondered if this was the “Emergency Dispatch”. Timmy and I avoided them as well, and we gave a wide berth anytime we heard gunfire.
We passed cells with mummified corpses hanging from the ceiling. We passed dormitories where the victims of the strange, werewolf-like creatures littered the floors, rotting and stinking like roadkill. Occasionally, I would catch a glimpse of another survivor, a pale face peeking out from some hiding spot, but Timmy and I kept pushing forward, looking for a way out.
We were in a sprawling gymnasium, sitting down and resting for a few minutes, when we encountered the Warden.
We heard a demonic roar from the hallway, a mixing of many strange, inhuman tongues. As Timmy and I sat up quickly, a decapitated body flew into the gym, and a creature from Hell followed after it. The body smacked into the concrete wall with a soft, fleshy whack.
The Warden stood ten feet tall. He had on a black correctional officers uniform and a leather visor cap. His face looked like it had no flesh. A thick layer of bone covered it with two reptilian eyes peering out from behind slitted pupils. He hissed, a forked tongue shooting out of his gaping maw. His fingers looked like sharp daggers of bone. A smell like old leather and blood rose from his body.
“Shoot it!” I screamed, raising the pistol and firing at its head. The first shot blew off its visor cap, revealing the hairless, reptilian skull underneath. But the bullet only gouged the top of its skull. It ran at us with powerful, bounding steps, covering the distance in moments.
Timmy and I fired as fast as we could as it got within a few feet of us. It bounded into Timmy like a freight train hitting a car. Timmy’s body went flying and smashed against the back wall with the sound of bones shattering. I slammed another magazine in the pistol as the Warden turned to me.
We had hit it, I saw. One of its eyes had exploded in a shower of gore and vitreous fluid, and its head was bleeding badly. I raised the gun, aiming for the same eye and firing.
The Warden smacked his hand against his face as if he had forgotten something, falling to the floor. I ran forward, putting the pistol point-blank against his ruined eye before emptying the clip. By the end, he wasn’t moving anymore.
“Oh, God,” I said, walking over to Timmy. I saw his shattered legs, his broken spine and his snapped ribs. He coughed up blood. “I’m sorry, Timmy. I really am.” His head might have nodded slightly as he died, giving a final death gasp before falling still.
***
I found a ring of keys on the Warden’s body. In excitement, I ran downstairs and tried the locked door. It worked.
I went to the van, pulling out the dead driver and starting it. After smashing through the garage door, I drove it through the gate. It did catastrophic damage to the prison van, but it got me far enough away before the engine gave out.
I don’t know what kind of prison that was, but I hope I never see that hellscape again.

I've been in and out of prisons and jails ever since I was 17. I thought I had seen it all- Aryan Brotherhood members stabbing guards, gang wars, escapes and torture. I saw many things that still give me nightmares to this day.
"MacDonald, 402202," the guard barked out. I jumped up, the thin mattress under me exhaling a whiff of stale air. I looked through the bars, seeing Correctional Officer Shea. CO Shea was a morbidly obese man with a penchant for being loud and lazy. I had seen a member of the Bloods punch him straight in the nose before, a scene I still remembered with some humor. Shea had crumpled like wet paper on the floor, screaming and crying as more COs ran over and tackled the inmate.
"Yeah?" I asked. Shea handed me a sheet of paper. He regarded me with his gray, colorless eyes.
"Congratulations, you're being transferred. Pack your shit. This is your last day at Springfield Correctional Center."
***
You might think I would be happy to get a transfer. SCC was, after all, a shithole. The food was terrible and always cold, the place always smelled like bleach and chemicals, and at night it got so cold with only my flimsy sheet that I regularly woke up shivering. The building was nearly a century old, and the fact that it still functioned at all was a miracle in itself.
But, to be honest, I was not thrilled about the transfer. I had made friends here and knew the lay of the land. I didn't have to worry about getting jumped or stabbed to death in the showers. As the old adage goes, it's better the devil you know than the one you don't.
I was led out of my cell the next evening with all the worldly possessions I owned, which fit neatly into a clear trash bag with room to spare. I owned some prison clothes, toothpaste, a toothbrush, deodorant, a Bible, a pair of sandals and a radio. I felt the unbearable lightness of my existence reflected in that bag as it smacked rhythmically against my leg.
"Good luck, friend Josh!" a rather insane acquaintance of mine named Alvin called out from his cell as I passed down the bleak, concrete hallway.
"Take care man. I hope we meet again on the outside," I said, waving, knowing I would almost certainly never see any of these people again. Hell, I hadn't even seen my family in over five years. None of them came to visit me anymore. No one wrote me letters or put money in my commissary account or sent me books to read.
"Well, we're all born alone, and we all die alone," I thought to myself as CO Shea walked by my side. He was breathing heavily, as if he had just finished running a marathon. I looked over at his face, seeing the burst capillaries on his nose from years of hard drinking and the squint of his little, piggy eyes. There was a slight gleam of intelligence and slyness behind that ugly mug, though.
"Well, amigo," Shea said in his slow, plodding way, "I got assigned to go with you. I'll be your ride along buddy. You excited or what?" I smiled faintly at him
"There are worse people than you here, Shea," I said. "Far worse."
***
I got on the prison bus in my bright-orange jumpsuit. To my surprise, I saw the back was nearly empty. There was only one other prisoner in the back. Shea sat with us to monitor us. We were also handcuffed and anklecuffed. A chain ran down and connected the two.
I looked over at the other prisoner, a black guy with a shaved head. I think he also shaved his eyebrows. I mean, I literally didn't see a single hair on his head besides eyelashes, which he apparently hadn't found a way to shave… yet.
"Sup," he said. I nodded.
"Sup." We sat there in awkward silence as Shea plopped down hard on the bench between us. It groaned like a confused old man.
"So what do you know about this place, Shea?" I asked. He sucked down half a bottle of Coke and then heaved a deep sigh.
"I don't know much about it, to be frank," he admitted sheepishly. "It is apparently brand-new, though. They asked us to send a couple people who met... certain criteria."
"What does that mean?" the black guy asked. Shea gave him a serious look.
"Come on, Timmy, you know what I mean. Hardened criminals. People with long records who tour prisons like some people tour French beaches." I scoffed.
"There are far worse people than me in prison," I said.
"Well, they asked for no murderers or gang bangers too. I don't know why, but maybe it is some new government program. They apparently call it an 'experimental prison’.”
“What about me?” Timmy asked. Shea apparently knew what he meant.
“You’re not a murderer, Timmy,” Shea said, his lips forming the faintest twitch of a smile. “You never…”
“Well, there was that time my girlfriend got me to drop some acid with her. She went and killed her parents. Then we hit the road,” Timmy said fondly, his eyes rising as if he were looking at a hovering angel in the far-off distance.
“You were never convicted of any accessory charges, so it doesn’t count,” Shea retorted.
“Oh, it counts,” Timmy drawled in his slow, plodding way. “It counts. Everything in life counts. If I’ve learned anything in the last 36 years, it’s that you can never truly escape anything you’ve done- good or bad.”
***
I couldn't see much from the prison van. There was a small, shatterproof window in the swinging back doors, but it only gave a fleeting view of what was behind us. I noticed the dark forests stretching out to the horizon over rolling hills.
We drove for a few hours. The three of us bullshitted, talking about everything from sports to politics to the recent spate of fatal stabbings at SCC.
I felt the van stop. I looked out the back window, seeing more endless trees. I didn’t see a single house or car on the road we had taken.
“This place is a ghost town,” I said. Shea nodded.
“Yeah, it’s dead as Frank Sinatra ‘round here,” Shea said, wheezing out a high-pitched laugh at his own joke. “This area used to be big for coal mining, but as it dried up and people lost their jobs, they moved away. You know, my grandfather was a coal miner.”
“Good place to build a prison, huh?” Timmy asked. “If there is no one around…” We were cut off by a clanging alarm up ahead. I heard something large moving, probably the gate opening. Then we were inside.
I saw the guard towers and rolls of razor wire for a brief moment as the van pulled into an open garage. The darkness immediately blanketed us. The garage door slowly rolled shut behind us. Shea jumped up.
“Let’s get you boys inside so I can take off your handcuffs and everything,” he said, motioning for us to follow. He pulled out a flashlight from his belt, guiding us through the pitch black. The dim light sent shadows racing across the room like groping tentacles. I caught glimpses of strange objects in the darkness. They looked like medieval torture devices.
“What is this place?” I whispered. My voice echoed far too loudly off the cold concrete floor and walls. “Those look like torture devices on that table, Shea. I think those bloody things are thumbscrews and that might be a pear of anguish…” I pointed to the pear-shaped object with three, wicked blades whose points came together sitting on a dusty shelf. The ornate handle had springs connected to it. The object could be forced into any human orifice and, when the springs were engaged, it would open like a flower inside the person’s body, ripping their flesh apart and enlarging that orifice to a bloody, gaping hole.
“How do you know so much about this?” Shea asked, giving me a strange look. He narrowed his little piggy eyes. He continued to fumble with the flashlight, peering around for a door to exit the garage. I looked back at the car and saw the driver just sitting there, his entire body as lifeless and still as a mannequin.
“I’ve read a few books…” I said as Timmy interrupted us.
“I see a little red light glowing under that door,” Timmy said. Shea focused his flashlight on the spot. Across the room, I noticed what Timmy was pointing at. It was an ancient-looking black door. The wood had started to crack and splinter down the middle. Engraved in silver on the front, it said, “Entrance to Northfrost Penitentiary.”
“Hello?” Shea called toward the door as the three of us moved forward, the steel chains giving my steps a clinking rhythm.
Shea reached the antique crystal doorknob. Timmy and I stood next to a dust-covered brazen bull, its bronze mouth wide open as if it were silently roaring at us. As Shea pulled open the door, crimson light flooded into the garage.
Tinted black glass covered the back wall. A speaker button sat next to the window. I looked to my right, seeing a massive sign sprawled across the wall there. It read:
RULES FOR PERSONAL CONDUCT AT NORTHFROST

1. The COs without faces don’t work here and we don’t know who they are. If you see one, press one of the buttons labeled “Emergency Dispatch” that are scattered around the complex.
2. When the red emergency lights come on, hide until they shut off.
3. Do not go into the medical ward for any reason.
4. The warden roams the prison every night at 3:33 AM looking for human meat. Don’t let him catch you.

“What is this, a goddamned joke?” Timmy asked, his dark face forming into a scowl.
“Uhh, well…” Shea rubbed the back of his neck, looking like an obese little boy who lost his parents. “I’ve never been here before, but this is all pretty unusual, I’ll admit.” A buzzing came from the back of the room, and suddenly a garish, echoing intercom turned on.
“Please remove their chains and direct them through the door on the left,” a female robotic voice said calmly in a tone as cool as lemonade on a hot day. “Your transfer will then be complete.” Shea sighed in relief.
“Good,” he grunted. “This place gives me the creeps.”
“Bro, you can’t leave us here,” Timmy protested. “What the fuck is this place? Where is everyone? Why is there a room filled with bloody, ancient torture devices next to the garage?” Shea put up his hands.
“I’m sorry, son, but I have orders. I’m just a messenger here. I was told to transfer you here, and that’s what I’ve done.” He fumbled around his belt for his keyring. He came over and unlocked the handcuffs and anklecuffs from both of us. I stretched, rubbing my wrists. I was glad to be out of those suffocating restraints.
“Thanks for everything, then,” I said, picking up my extremely light garbage bag of possessions and heading for the door on the left. Timmy reluctantly followed behind. A sign on this door read: “To General Population.”
But when we got to the other side and it slammed shut behind us, I found a hallway filled with more red emergency lights streaming down. An involuntary shiver ran down through my body. I remembered those absurd rules someone had put up. What had it said about red lights? My mind raced for a few moments, then the answer popped up. It said to hide.
A man shrieked up ahead, his voice riddled with agony and terror. The hallway split to the right and left, and I couldn’t see anyone. Timmy and I stopped.
“Dude, screw this,” Timmy said, turning and running back toward the door we had come through. He tried pulling it open, but it was firmly locked.
***
The scream came again, louder and closer, but this time it was cut off suddenly. I heard someone gurgling like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. And then everything went deathly silent again.
The gray, concrete floor of the hallway had arrows pointing forward on it. There were no doors here. There was nowhere to hide that I could see. Timmy and I reluctantly went forward. As we got to the intersection, we saw the dead body of a man in a brown khaki uniform.
His sightless eyes remained open. They stared up at the ceiling, glassy and still filled with horror. Deep gouge marks bit deeply into the flesh on his back and arms and chest. His throat had been cut or bit open as well. A spreading puddle of blood encircled his body.
I saw a dark blur at the end of the hallway on the right. It looked like little more than a shadow. I whispered to Timmy, pointing. We decided to go left immediately. My heart was pounding at this point. I felt like a soldier walking through the no-man’s land of a warzone. I expected the attack to come at any moment.
The hallway to the left had some doors. I sprinted forward as quietly as I could with Timmy close by my side. I read the first door: To Medical Ward.
“Ugh, no,” I whispered, going to the second one. I heard light footsteps behind me. Turning, I saw a creature from a nightmare sneaking up on us in the bloody glow of the emergency lights.
Its skin was black and shiny like that of a centipede’s. In its general form, it reminded me of a hairless werewolf. It towered over us, its eyes like bone-white cataracts, its claws as long and sharp as a dagger. And yet, its face seemed almost reptilian. It had two small nose holes like a snake and a jaw that unhinged and dropped far below its head. I saw rows of blood-soaked fangs. It gave off a low, gurgling growl that emanated from its chest.
With a rush of adrenaline and a sense of mortal terror, I pushed through the second door without reading the sign on the front. Timmy was right behind me. I heard him scream as he fell into me.
I found myself in a prison dormitory, and we weren’t alone. As I hit the ground, I saw a white face peering out at me from behind the bunk bed. The man hiding there saw the abomination behind us and got up, screaming and running away.
The creature growled, giving chase. In two powerful bounds, it had rushed across the dormitory and grabbed the man by the neck. I looked back at Timmy, seeing him groaning on the ground. Blood poured from deep cuts on his back. I grabbed him, pulling him up.
“Let’s go, let’s go, no time to…” I said when I was cut off by the sound of a neck snapping. I looked back, seeing the creature had twisted the man’s head around in a circle. It raised the limp body to its massive mouth and severed the head in a single powerful bite.
“Get me out of here, man, please,” Timmy whispered as I pulled him back out into the hallway. I looked over, seeing another werewolf creature bounding down the hallway, chasing a man in a prison jumpsuit. I had no choice.
I pulled Timmy toward the door labeled “Medical Ward”. With a creak of rusted hinges, it opened. We went inside to hide.
***
“Maybe there’s something in here we can use to bandage you up,” I said to Timmy, pulling him down the short hallway toward a room filled with single beds. I didn’t know why the rules said to avoid this place. It looked totally empty. Against the back wall, I saw a glass cabinet filled with bandages, rubbing alcohol, band-aids and other various first aid supplies. I ran toward it. Timmy limped along after me, still groaning.
“Goddamn, I think those claws went down to the bone,” he said.
“It’s gonna be OK,” I said as I pulled out some antiseptic and bandages, adding, “It could’ve been a lot worse.” The universe would immediately prove me right. I heard a slight giggling from under one of the beds. Timmy and I both froze.
Two rotted hands reached out, dragging the mutilated body of a little girl behind them. She had patches of garish, black stitches running across her face, hands and arms. Dark, clotted blood dripped from the sites. She wore a gore-smeared hospital gown and had no eyes. I looked into the empty sockets. They stared back at me like two black holes spinning in the void.
As she rose, her giggles became full-blown laughter, a hysterical gurgling like the laugh of a dying person. Then she ran at me. I saw the silver gleam of a scalpel in her little hand.
“No!” I screamed, raising my hands to protect myself. The scalpel came down, slicing across my palm. It cut deeply. A cold, burning pain ran up my arm. I repressed the urge to scream.
At that moment, the red emergency lights flicked off. Bright, fluorescent lights popped on, flickering and strobing in rapid succession. Timmy ran forward, tackling the undead girl. But I saw more small hands reaching out from under the beds, hands filled with sores and squirming larvae. I could see the bones of their hands through necrotic patches eaten into their flesh.
I ran for Timmy, grabbing him and hauling him up.
“Time to go! Now!” I screamed, pulling him forward as more undead boys and girls rose up, all with sharp knives and surgical instruments grasped in their little hands. I felt a sudden pain in my leg. Looking down, I saw a knife sticking out of my thigh. The empty eye sockets of a little boy’s face stared up at me, grinning like a skull.
I collapsed on the ground as we were surrounded. I prayed to God then, knowing we would die. I prayed that he would forgive me for all my mistakes, because I was on a fast-track to the afterlife and would be seeing him in a few seconds. With a sharp cry of pain, I yanked the knife out of my leg, turning it on my attacker.
Then a gunshot rang out. The head of the nearest girl exploded in a shower of bone fragments and dead maggots. I looked up, seeing Shea standing at the door, his pistol raised.
“Come on!” he screamed. “Come on, you idiots! Let’s go! Now!” Timmy and I didn’t need any more encouragement. As Shea continued to blow apart the nearest of the undead abominations, we limped and scrambled towards him. My leg gave a shriek of pain with every step.
We got out of the medical ward, battered and bruised but still alive.
***
“Why’d you come back, Shea?” I asked through pained breaths. Shea gave me a frantic look.
“When I got back out to the car, the driver was dead. His throat was… ripped out or something, I don’t know. I grabbed his keys and came back for you two. I don’t know where we are, but I’m getting you out of here,” he explained. I looked at him in amazement. I had never thought in a million years Shea would risk his life to save some scumbag inmates.
“So what’s the plan?” Timmy asked, sweating heavily, his eyes wild and pained. “How are we getting out of here without dying?” Shea shrugged.
“The door locked behind us when we came in,” I said. “Unless we can break it down and get back to the car…” We passed by buttons labeled “Emergency Dispatch” under glowing red emergency signs. I wondered if we could get help somehow through them.
“Halt!” someone cried from behind us. I looked back, seeing a man in a black correctional officers uniform. He ran toward us, his hand on the radio hanging from his belt. But something immediately seemed off about the figure.
As he got closer, I realized why. He had no face. His entire head was just smooth, white skin, without hair or any signs of features. He spoke again, and the voice seemed to come from all around his body.
“You must report to the medical ward,” the strange figure said. “We do not allow injured people in the hallways.”
“No, we’re fine,” Shea said, grinning. “See, buddy? I work for the DOC too.” He pointed at the identification clipped to his breast pocket. The figure raised his radio to his lips.
“We have resistance near Dormitory One,” the fake CO said into his radio before any of us could stop him. Shea ran forward, knocking the radio from his hand. The CO instantly straightened up and whipped out his pistol, pointing it at Shea’s torso. He fired, and I saw Shea’s chest explode in a blossoming flower of blood.
“No, dammit!” Timmy said, running forward. I saw a silver gleam in his hand, and I realized he had taken one of the scalpels from the undead Shea had killed in the Medical Ward. As the fake CO spun to point the pistol at Timmy, Timmy ran into him, stabbing the scalpel deeply into the CO’s neck.
They fell together with Timmy on top of the fake CO. His body weight drove the scalpel deeper into the white, featureless skin. Blood the color of soot spurted from the wound. The gun went off, the bullet missing Timmy entirely and smashing into the ceiling. The CO’s gurgling death gasps seem to come from all around his body. I grabbed Timmy.
“Get the guns!” I said. “They’re both dead. We need the guns.” He nodded, grabbing the CO’s gun and taking an extra magazine from his belt. I did the same with Shea’s gun and magazine. I pressed the button labeled “Emergency Dispatch” as more faceless men appeared far off down the corridor. Then we fled as fast as we could from that hallway, but, seeing as we were both in pretty bad shape, it wasn’t very fast.
At that point, I was just glad to be alive, though.
***
We wandered around the prison, avoiding the faceless COs whenever we saw them patrolling the hallways. They would radio to each other, their voices always surrounding their bodies rather than coming from their heads, which I found extremely eerie and unsettling. A couple times, I saw men in black SWAT suits with automatic rifles gunning down the fake COs. I wondered if this was the “Emergency Dispatch”. Timmy and I avoided them as well, and we gave a wide berth anytime we heard gunfire.
We passed cells with mummified corpses hanging from the ceiling. We passed dormitories where the victims of the strange, werewolf-like creatures littered the floors, rotting and stinking like roadkill. Occasionally, I would catch a glimpse of another survivor, a pale face peeking out from some hiding spot, but Timmy and I kept pushing forward, looking for a way out.
We were in a sprawling gymnasium, sitting down and resting for a few minutes, when we encountered the Warden.
We heard a demonic roar from the hallway, a mixing of many strange, inhuman tongues. As Timmy and I sat up quickly, a decapitated body flew into the gym, and a creature from Hell followed after it. The body smacked into the concrete wall with a soft, fleshy whack.
The Warden stood ten feet tall. He had on a black correctional officers uniform and a leather visor cap. His face looked like it had no flesh. A thick layer of bone covered it with two reptilian eyes peering out from behind slitted pupils. He hissed, a forked tongue shooting out of his gaping maw. His fingers looked like sharp daggers of bone. A smell like old leather and blood rose from his body.
“Shoot it!” I screamed, raising the pistol and firing at its head. The first shot blew off its visor cap, revealing the hairless, reptilian skull underneath. But the bullet only gouged the top of its skull. It ran at us with powerful, bounding steps, covering the distance in moments.
Timmy and I fired as fast as we could as it got within a few feet of us. It bounded into Timmy like a freight train hitting a car. Timmy’s body went flying and smashed against the back wall with the sound of bones shattering. I slammed another magazine in the pistol as the Warden turned to me.
We had hit it, I saw. One of its eyes had exploded in a shower of gore and vitreous fluid, and its head was bleeding badly. I raised the gun, aiming for the same eye and firing.
The Warden smacked his hand against his face as if he had forgotten something, falling to the floor. I ran forward, putting the pistol point-blank against his ruined eye before emptying the clip. By the end, he wasn’t moving anymore.
“Oh, God,” I said, walking over to Timmy. I saw his shattered legs, his broken spine and his snapped ribs. He coughed up blood. “I’m sorry, Timmy. I really am.” His head might have nodded slightly as he died, giving a final death gasp before falling still.
***
I found a ring of keys on the Warden’s body. In excitement, I ran downstairs and tried the locked door. It worked.
I went to the van, pulling out the dead driver and starting it. After smashing through the garage door, I drove it through the gate. It did catastrophic damage to the prison van, but it got me far enough away before the engine gave out.
I don’t know what kind of prison that was, but I hope I never see that hellscape again.

I've been in and out of prisons and jails ever since I was 17. I thought I had seen it all- Aryan Brotherhood members stabbing guards, gang wars, escapes and torture. I saw many things that still give me nightmares to this day.
"MacDonald, 402202," the guard barked out. I jumped up, the thin mattress under me exhaling a whiff of stale air. I looked through the bars, seeing Correctional Officer Shea. CO Shea was a morbidly obese man with a penchant for being loud and lazy. I had seen a member of the Bloods punch him straight in the nose before, a scene I still remembered with some humor. Shea had crumpled like wet paper on the floor, screaming and crying as more COs ran over and tackled the inmate.
"Yeah?" I asked. Shea handed me a sheet of paper. He regarded me with his gray, colorless eyes.
"Congratulations, you're being transferred. Pack your shit. This is your last day at Springfield Correctional Center."
***
You might think I would be happy to get a transfer. SCC was, after all, a shithole. The food was terrible and always cold, the place always smelled like bleach and chemicals, and at night it got so cold with only my flimsy sheet that I regularly woke up shivering. The building was nearly a century old, and the fact that it still functioned at all was a miracle in itself.
But, to be honest, I was not thrilled about the transfer. I had made friends here and knew the lay of the land. I didn't have to worry about getting jumped or stabbed to death in the showers. As the old adage goes, it's better the devil you know than the one you don't.
I was led out of my cell the next evening with all the worldly possessions I owned, which fit neatly into a clear trash bag with room to spare. I owned some prison clothes, toothpaste, a toothbrush, deodorant, a Bible, a pair of sandals and a radio. I felt the unbearable lightness of my existence reflected in that bag as it smacked rhythmically against my leg.
"Good luck, friend Josh!" a rather insane acquaintance of mine named Alvin called out from his cell as I passed down the bleak, concrete hallway.
"Take care man. I hope we meet again on the outside," I said, waving, knowing I would almost certainly never see any of these people again. Hell, I hadn't even seen my family in over five years. None of them came to visit me anymore. No one wrote me letters or put money in my commissary account or sent me books to read.
"Well, we're all born alone, and we all die alone," I thought to myself as CO Shea walked by my side. He was breathing heavily, as if he had just finished running a marathon. I looked over at his face, seeing the burst capillaries on his nose from years of hard drinking and the squint of his little, piggy eyes. There was a slight gleam of intelligence and slyness behind that ugly mug, though.
"Well, amigo," Shea said in his slow, plodding way, "I got assigned to go with you. I'll be your ride along buddy. You excited or what?" I smiled faintly at him
"There are worse people than you here, Shea," I said. "Far worse."
***
I got on the prison bus in my bright-orange jumpsuit. To my surprise, I saw the back was nearly empty. There was only one other prisoner in the back. Shea sat with us to monitor us. We were also handcuffed and anklecuffed. A chain ran down and connected the two.
I looked over at the other prisoner, a black guy with a shaved head. I think he also shaved his eyebrows. I mean, I literally didn't see a single hair on his head besides eyelashes, which he apparently hadn't found a way to shave… yet.
"Sup," he said. I nodded.
"Sup." We sat there in awkward silence as Shea plopped down hard on the bench between us. It groaned like a confused old man.
"So what do you know about this place, Shea?" I asked. He sucked down half a bottle of Coke and then heaved a deep sigh.
"I don't know much about it, to be frank," he admitted sheepishly. "It is apparently brand-new, though. They asked us to send a couple people who met... certain criteria."
"What does that mean?" the black guy asked. Shea gave him a serious look.
"Come on, Timmy, you know what I mean. Hardened criminals. People with long records who tour prisons like some people tour French beaches." I scoffed.
"There are far worse people than me in prison," I said.
"Well, they asked for no murderers or gang bangers too. I don't know why, but maybe it is some new government program. They apparently call it an 'experimental prison’.”
“What about me?” Timmy asked. Shea apparently knew what he meant.
“You’re not a murderer, Timmy,” Shea said, his lips forming the faintest twitch of a smile. “You never…”
“Well, there was that time my girlfriend got me to drop some acid with her. She went and killed her parents. Then we hit the road,” Timmy said fondly, his eyes rising as if he were looking at a hovering angel in the far-off distance.
“You were never convicted of any accessory charges, so it doesn’t count,” Shea retorted.
“Oh, it counts,” Timmy drawled in his slow, plodding way. “It counts. Everything in life counts. If I’ve learned anything in the last 36 years, it’s that you can never truly escape anything you’ve done- good or bad.”
***
I couldn't see much from the prison van. There was a small, shatterproof window in the swinging back doors, but it only gave a fleeting view of what was behind us. I noticed the dark forests stretching out to the horizon over rolling hills.
We drove for a few hours. The three of us bullshitted, talking about everything from sports to politics to the recent spate of fatal stabbings at SCC.
I felt the van stop. I looked out the back window, seeing more endless trees. I didn’t see a single house or car on the road we had taken.
“This place is a ghost town,” I said. Shea nodded.
“Yeah, it’s dead as Frank Sinatra ‘round here,” Shea said, wheezing out a high-pitched laugh at his own joke. “This area used to be big for coal mining, but as it dried up and people lost their jobs, they moved away. You know, my grandfather was a coal miner.”
“Good place to build a prison, huh?” Timmy asked. “If there is no one around…” We were cut off by a clanging alarm up ahead. I heard something large moving, probably the gate opening. Then we were inside.
I saw the guard towers and rolls of razor wire for a brief moment as the van pulled into an open garage. The darkness immediately blanketed us. The garage door slowly rolled shut behind us. Shea jumped up.
“Let’s get you boys inside so I can take off your handcuffs and everything,” he said, motioning for us to follow. He pulled out a flashlight from his belt, guiding us through the pitch black. The dim light sent shadows racing across the room like groping tentacles. I caught glimpses of strange objects in the darkness. They looked like medieval torture devices.
“What is this place?” I whispered. My voice echoed far too loudly off the cold concrete floor and walls. “Those look like torture devices on that table, Shea. I think those bloody things are thumbscrews and that might be a pear of anguish…” I pointed to the pear-shaped object with three, wicked blades whose points came together sitting on a dusty shelf. The ornate handle had springs connected to it. The object could be forced into any human orifice and, when the springs were engaged, it would open like a flower inside the person’s body, ripping their flesh apart and enlarging that orifice to a bloody, gaping hole.
“How do you know so much about this?” Shea asked, giving me a strange look. He narrowed his little piggy eyes. He continued to fumble with the flashlight, peering around for a door to exit the garage. I looked back at the car and saw the driver just sitting there, his entire body as lifeless and still as a mannequin.
“I’ve read a few books…” I said as Timmy interrupted us.
“I see a little red light glowing under that door,” Timmy said. Shea focused his flashlight on the spot. Across the room, I noticed what Timmy was pointing at. It was an ancient-looking black door. The wood had started to crack and splinter down the middle. Engraved in silver on the front, it said, “Entrance to Northfrost Penitentiary.”
“Hello?” Shea called toward the door as the three of us moved forward, the steel chains giving my steps a clinking rhythm.
Shea reached the antique crystal doorknob. Timmy and I stood next to a dust-covered brazen bull, its bronze mouth wide open as if it were silently roaring at us. As Shea pulled open the door, crimson light flooded into the garage.
Tinted black glass covered the back wall. A speaker button sat next to the window. I looked to my right, seeing a massive sign sprawled across the wall there. It read:
RULES FOR PERSONAL CONDUCT AT NORTHFROST
The COs without faces don’t work here and we don’t know who they are. If you see one, press one of the buttons labeled “Emergency Dispatch” that are scattered around the complex.
When the red emergency lights come on, hide until they shut off.
Do not go into the medical ward for any reason.
The warden roams the prison every night at 3:33 AM looking for human meat. Don’t let him catch you.
“What is this, a goddamned joke?” Timmy asked, his dark face forming into a scowl.
“Uhh, well…” Shea rubbed the back of his neck, looking like an obese little boy who lost his parents. “I’ve never been here before, but this is all pretty unusual, I’ll admit.” A buzzing came from the back of the room, and suddenly a garish, echoing intercom turned on.
“Please remove their chains and direct them through the door on the left,” a female robotic voice said calmly in a tone as cool as lemonade on a hot day. “Your transfer will then be complete.” Shea sighed in relief.
“Good,” he grunted. “This place gives me the creeps.”
“Bro, you can’t leave us here,” Timmy protested. “What the fuck is this place? Where is everyone? Why is there a room filled with bloody, ancient torture devices next to the garage?” Shea put up his hands.
“I’m sorry, son, but I have orders. I’m just a messenger here. I was told to transfer you here, and that’s what I’ve done.” He fumbled around his belt for his keyring. He came over and unlocked the handcuffs and anklecuffs from both of us. I stretched, rubbing my wrists. I was glad to be out of those suffocating restraints.
“Thanks for everything, then,” I said, picking up my extremely light garbage bag of possessions and heading for the door on the left. Timmy reluctantly followed behind. A sign on this door read: “To General Population.”
But when we got to the other side and it slammed shut behind us, I found a hallway filled with more red emergency lights streaming down. An involuntary shiver ran down through my body. I remembered those absurd rules someone had put up. What had it said about red lights? My mind raced for a few moments, then the answer popped up. It said to hide.
A man shrieked up ahead, his voice riddled with agony and terror. The hallway split to the right and left, and I couldn’t see anyone. Timmy and I stopped.
“Dude, screw this,” Timmy said, turning and running back toward the door we had come through. He tried pulling it open, but it was firmly locked.
***
The scream came again, louder and closer, but this time it was cut off suddenly. I heard someone gurgling like a man with a slit throat trying to breathe. And then everything went deathly silent again.
The gray, concrete floor of the hallway had arrows pointing forward on it. There were no doors here. There was nowhere to hide that I could see. Timmy and I reluctantly went forward. As we got to the intersection, we saw the dead body of a man in a brown khaki uniform.
His sightless eyes remained open. They stared up at the ceiling, glassy and still filled with horror. Deep gouge marks bit deeply into the flesh on his back and arms and chest. His throat had been cut or bit open as well. A spreading puddle of blood encircled his body.
I saw a dark blur at the end of the hallway on the right. It looked like little more than a shadow. I whispered to Timmy, pointing. We decided to go left immediately. My heart was pounding at this point. I felt like a soldier walking through the no-man’s land of a warzone. I expected the attack to come at any moment.
The hallway to the left had some doors. I sprinted forward as quietly as I could with Timmy close by my side. I read the first door: To Medical Ward.
“Ugh, no,” I whispered, going to the second one. I heard light footsteps behind me. Turning, I saw a creature from a nightmare sneaking up on us in the bloody glow of the emergency lights.
Its skin was black and shiny like that of a centipede’s. In its general form, it reminded me of a hairless werewolf. It towered over us, its eyes like bone-white cataracts, its claws as long and sharp as a dagger. And yet, its face seemed almost reptilian. It had two small nose holes like a snake and a jaw that unhinged and dropped far below its head. I saw rows of blood-soaked fangs. It gave off a low, gurgling growl that emanated from its chest.
With a rush of adrenaline and a sense of mortal terror, I pushed through the second door without reading the sign on the front. Timmy was right behind me. I heard him scream as he fell into me.
I found myself in a prison dormitory, and we weren’t alone. As I hit the ground, I saw a white face peering out at me from behind the bunk bed. The man hiding there saw the abomination behind us and got up, screaming and running away.
The creature growled, giving chase. In two powerful bounds, it had rushed across the dormitory and grabbed the man by the neck. I looked back at Timmy, seeing him groaning on the ground. Blood poured from deep cuts on his back. I grabbed him, pulling him up.
“Let’s go, let’s go, no time to…” I said when I was cut off by the sound of a neck snapping. I looked back, seeing the creature had twisted the man’s head around in a circle. It raised the limp body to its massive mouth and severed the head in a single powerful bite.
“Get me out of here, man, please,” Timmy whispered as I pulled him back out into the hallway. I looked over, seeing another werewolf creature bounding down the hallway, chasing a man in a prison jumpsuit. I had no choice.
I pulled Timmy toward the door labeled “Medical Ward”. With a creak of rusted hinges, it opened. We went inside to hide.
***
“Maybe there’s something in here we can use to bandage you up,” I said to Timmy, pulling him down the short hallway toward a room filled with single beds. I didn’t know why the rules said to avoid this place. It looked totally empty. Against the back wall, I saw a glass cabinet filled with bandages, rubbing alcohol, band-aids and other various first aid supplies. I ran toward it. Timmy limped along after me, still groaning.
“Goddamn, I think those claws went down to the bone,” he said.
“It’s gonna be OK,” I said as I pulled out some antiseptic and bandages, adding, “It could’ve been a lot worse.” The universe would immediately prove me right. I heard a slight giggling from under one of the beds. Timmy and I both froze.
Two rotted hands reached out, dragging the mutilated body of a little girl behind them. She had patches of garish, black stitches running across her face, hands and arms. Dark, clotted blood dripped from the sites. She wore a gore-smeared hospital gown and had no eyes. I looked into the empty sockets. They stared back at me like two black holes spinning in the void.
As she rose, her giggles became full-blown laughter, a hysterical gurgling like the laugh of a dying person. Then she ran at me. I saw the silver gleam of a scalpel in her little hand.
“No!” I screamed, raising my hands to protect myself. The scalpel came down, slicing across my palm. It cut deeply. A cold, burning pain ran up my arm. I repressed the urge to scream.
At that moment, the red emergency lights flicked off. Bright, fluorescent lights popped on, flickering and strobing in rapid succession. Timmy ran forward, tackling the undead girl. But I saw more small hands reaching out from under the beds, hands filled with sores and squirming larvae. I could see the bones of their hands through necrotic patches eaten into their flesh.
I ran for Timmy, grabbing him and hauling him up.
“Time to go! Now!” I screamed, pulling him forward as more undead boys and girls rose up, all with sharp knives and surgical instruments grasped in their little hands. I felt a sudden pain in my leg. Looking down, I saw a knife sticking out of my thigh. The empty eye sockets of a little boy’s face stared up at me, grinning like a skull.
I collapsed on the ground as we were surrounded. I prayed to God then, knowing we would die. I prayed that he would forgive me for all my mistakes, because I was on a fast-track to the afterlife and would be seeing him in a few seconds. With a sharp cry of pain, I yanked the knife out of my leg, turning it on my attacker.
Then a gunshot rang out. The head of the nearest girl exploded in a shower of bone fragments and dead maggots. I looked up, seeing Shea standing at the door, his pistol raised.
“Come on!” he screamed. “Come on, you idiots! Let’s go! Now!” Timmy and I didn’t need any more encouragement. As Shea continued to blow apart the nearest of the undead abominations, we limped and scrambled towards him. My leg gave a shriek of pain with every step.
We got out of the medical ward, battered and bruised but still alive.
***
“Why’d you come back, Shea?” I asked through pained breaths. Shea gave me a frantic look.
“When I got back out to the car, the driver was dead. His throat was… ripped out or something, I don’t know. I grabbed his keys and came back for you two. I don’t know where we are, but I’m getting you out of here,” he explained. I looked at him in amazement. I had never thought in a million years Shea would risk his life to save some scumbag inmates.
“So what’s the plan?” Timmy asked, sweating heavily, his eyes wild and pained. “How are we getting out of here without dying?” Shea shrugged.
“The door locked behind us when we came in,” I said. “Unless we can break it down and get back to the car…” We passed by buttons labeled “Emergency Dispatch” under glowing red emergency signs. I wondered if we could get help somehow through them.
“Halt!” someone cried from behind us. I looked back, seeing a man in a black correctional officers uniform. He ran toward us, his hand on the radio hanging from his belt. But something immediately seemed off about the figure.
As he got closer, I realized why. He had no face. His entire head was just smooth, white skin, without hair or any signs of features. He spoke again, and the voice seemed to come from all around his body.
“You must report to the medical ward,” the strange figure said. “We do not allow injured people in the hallways.”
“No, we’re fine,” Shea said, grinning. “See, buddy? I work for the DOC too.” He pointed at the identification clipped to his breast pocket. The figure raised his radio to his lips.
“We have resistance near Dormitory One,” the fake CO said into his radio before any of us could stop him. Shea ran forward, knocking the radio from his hand. The CO instantly straightened up and whipped out his pistol, pointing it at Shea’s torso. He fired, and I saw Shea’s chest explode in a blossoming flower of blood.
“No, dammit!” Timmy said, running forward. I saw a silver gleam in his hand, and I realized he had taken one of the scalpels from the undead Shea had killed in the Medical Ward. As the fake CO spun to point the pistol at Timmy, Timmy ran into him, stabbing the scalpel deeply into the CO’s neck.
They fell together with Timmy on top of the fake CO. His body weight drove the scalpel deeper into the white, featureless skin. Blood the color of soot spurted from the wound. The gun went off, the bullet missing Timmy entirely and smashing into the ceiling. The CO’s gurgling death gasps seem to come from all around his body. I grabbed Timmy.
“Get the guns!” I said. “They’re both dead. We need the guns.” He nodded, grabbing the CO’s gun and taking an extra magazine from his belt. I did the same with Shea’s gun and magazine. I pressed the button labeled “Emergency Dispatch” as more faceless men appeared far off down the corridor. Then we fled as fast as we could from that hallway, but, seeing as we were both in pretty bad shape, it wasn’t very fast.
At that point, I was just glad to be alive, though.
***
We wandered around the prison, avoiding the faceless COs whenever we saw them patrolling the hallways. They would radio to each other, their voices always surrounding their bodies rather than coming from their heads, which I found extremely eerie and unsettling. A couple times, I saw men in black SWAT suits with automatic rifles gunning down the fake COs. I wondered if this was the “Emergency Dispatch”. Timmy and I avoided them as well, and we gave a wide berth anytime we heard gunfire.
We passed cells with mummified corpses hanging from the ceiling. We passed dormitories where the victims of the strange, werewolf-like creatures littered the floors, rotting and stinking like roadkill. Occasionally, I would catch a glimpse of another survivor, a pale face peeking out from some hiding spot, but Timmy and I kept pushing forward, looking for a way out.
We were in a sprawling gymnasium, sitting down and resting for a few minutes, when we encountered the Warden.
We heard a demonic roar from the hallway, a mixing of many strange, inhuman tongues. As Timmy and I sat up quickly, a decapitated body flew into the gym, and a creature from Hell followed after it. The body smacked into the concrete wall with a soft, fleshy whack.
The Warden stood ten feet tall. He had on a black correctional officers uniform and a leather visor cap. His face looked like it had no flesh. A thick layer of bone covered it with two reptilian eyes peering out from behind slitted pupils. He hissed, a forked tongue shooting out of his gaping maw. His fingers looked like sharp daggers of bone. A smell like old leather and blood rose from his body.
“Shoot it!” I screamed, raising the pistol and firing at its head. The first shot blew off its visor cap, revealing the hairless, reptilian skull underneath. But the bullet only gouged the top of its skull. It ran at us with powerful, bounding steps, covering the distance in moments.
Timmy and I fired as fast as we could as it got within a few feet of us. It bounded into Timmy like a freight train hitting a car. Timmy’s body went flying and smashed against the back wall with the sound of bones shattering. I slammed another magazine in the pistol as the Warden turned to me.
We had hit it, I saw. One of its eyes had exploded in a shower of gore and vitreous fluid, and its head was bleeding badly. I raised the gun, aiming for the same eye and firing.
The Warden smacked his hand against his face as if he had forgotten something, falling to the floor. I ran forward, putting the pistol point-blank against his ruined eye before emptying the clip. By the end, he wasn’t moving anymore.
“Oh, God,” I said, walking over to Timmy. I saw his shattered legs, his broken spine and his snapped ribs. He coughed up blood. “I’m sorry, Timmy. I really am.” His head might have nodded slightly as he died, giving a final death gasp before falling still.
***
I found a ring of keys on the Warden’s body. In excitement, I ran downstairs and tried the locked door. It worked.
I went to the van, pulling out the dead driver and starting it. After smashing through the garage door, I drove it through the gate. It did catastrophic damage to the prison van, but it got me far enough away before the engine gave out.
I don’t know what kind of prison that was, but I hope I never see that hellscape again.

1. He is a documented habitual absconder, which pretty much rules out probation/drug treatment programs.
2. 99% of cases are never for the max and never served consecutively—most plea out.
3. Since he was caught at the 99-cent store, and depending on what he was stealing, expect insane leniency, especially if it was food... If it was duct tape, screwdrivers, or other meth head trinkets, expect less leniency.
4. Only one thing really matters: how it went down. If he just had the knife during the commission of the crime, expect leniency. If he actually pulled it out and threatened someone with it, he is going to prison, no question, especially if it's on video.
5. Courtrooms don't like habitual offenders, especially repeat violent offenders. Criminals who show long-term patterns of never learning often encounter a judge ready to educate them with lots of time to sit and think about their decisions. (Tony is most likely a good candidate for this, but the Judge won't know what we know...)
6. Going to jail or prison is extremely hard without friends & family support, especially people sending you money. If you've ever been, trust me that mail days, commissary, visits, and phone calls are basically the only four things worth leaving your bunk for.