Title pretty much says it all. My brother (m18) makes jokes about me (f16) being raped and all sorts of horrible shit. He lies about me, makes fun of my body, my health, my friends, my looks etc. He still acts like we're best friends and can't get the fact I actually fucking hate him through his head. He lied to several family members telling them Im a schizo, then acted like I was crazy when I got mad at him for it. Not to mention this man hits me and uses the excuse 'I have Asperger's so you can't hold me accountable'. This bit is going to be gross, and nsfw (idk how to put the tag), but he cummed on our bathroom floor. I went in right after he came out so I was like 'tf is this'. And instead of being ashamed or something, he pretty much goes 'its my cum'. Then proceeds to yell at me for mentioning it instead of not letting him find out on his own. My mom (f 50 something) supports him in whatever he does. If he hits me it's my fault, even if all I did was walk away from him, it's my fault. I know he has Asperger's and can't handle things like a regular person. He hit me with blank so he didn't hurt me as bad and I should be grateful. My mom is the reason I didn't develop normally, because I faced malnutrition for almost all of my childhood. Until I started stealing food (or eating whatever I could get my hands on) when I was 14. Too bad they (my mom and dad) decided they needed to remove me from public school. I lost 10 pounds immediately after that because I lost the access of food I had before. Not to mention my mom beat me. Not hit me full on beat me. Throwing glass at me, pulling my hair out, sucker punching me, hitting me in the face, you name it. My brother also will watch this happen and hit me if I try to fight back. She went through my room one day I was at school, opened up my private journals and sent my brother, outside family members, and her church friends pictures she took. All without telling me. Not to mention she's a literal fucking creep. She told me no one would love me because I would be bad in bed when I was 12 years old. She also 'forgot' my quinceanera, told me to off my myself, and went to hang out with her friends. She makes everything about herself. My dad (m 54)defends my mom doing this shit to me. He calls me all sorts of names, he once told me I wasn't worth anything and all I was going to be in my life is a pornstar. Because I have no worth outside of sex work. I was also 12 or 13 when this was said to me. He gets mad when I speak, at all. He yells at me if I laugh, speak, make jokes, anything. He makes fun of me for the way I talk, dress or anything. I used to hate being a girl because my dad would say his son is more valuable since he had one boy and three girls. He would tell my how fucking annoying it is to have another daughter. Not like this is really related to anything else but just thought I'd mention it. So I used to dress like a man. I still would it's just my style, but this really pissed my parents off. I would wear boy swim shirts and shorts because I was uncomfortable with my body... Wonder why. My dad, primarily used to come up to me and whisper how fucking stupid I looked wearing those kinds of things. I was a literal child when all these things happened to me. Not older than 14. My parents also used to be really mad I had friends because, according to their logic, spending time with friends is wasting time that should be spent with God. So they told me all my friends secretly hated me, and that I needed to cut them all out of my life and never speak to them again. I didn't completely believe this so I have a few I talked to during the pandemic, over text. They found that out and made me block them. I used to have panic attacks from my parents abuse when I was like, 10 years old. My parents, instead of talking to a therapist or something normal, sent me to a fucking exorcist and started telling our whole family I was demon possessed. That was traumatizing. Also this one time, I was a little bit popular in 6th grade, my pathetic parents got jealous so they told me I would loose all my friends when they see how crazy I am. So they abruptly took me off my meds and therapy. Of course I stared acting weird so my schoolmates and teachers started bullying the fuck out of me. While they laughed at me and did nothing about it. When I like like 8, I had a nightmare or something so I woke up and started singing christian songs. My dad comes in my room and tells me to shut up. I was still scared, so I started whisper singing. Guess he could still hear me because he come back and beats me.
Im not a patient person but I litterly connot fucking imagine doing this to anyone, what less my own kid. I litterly can't wait to get out of this household and live somewhere else. Thanks to anyone who read my terribly written rant, I appreciate it.

So basically, my cousin is having her quinceanera in a couple of days and she asked me to be a chambelan (not main) a few months ago. For the record, I barely talk to this cousin and usually only see them during birthday parties and things like that. Anyways, I said yes and we've been having practices leading up to the quince since she asked (for the dances and whatnot). My partner that I got paired up with and am dancing with is one of my cousin's friends. This was the first time I had ever met her and we were both super quiet towards each other the first few practices. Over the practices we slowly started more and more and now I can't stop thinking about her. She started asking more questions the last practice and telling me stories about her life and school and stuff (we don't go to the same school) but idk if she's just naturally outgoing and is being nice or wants to get to know me more on a more personal level. Maybe I'm just crazy for thinking that in the first place and can't just take a normal conversation with her as small talk but I can't get this idea out of my head now. I also don't want things to be awkward if things don't go according to plan. There is also a 2 year age gap and that brings up a whole different topic of conversation along with the fact that she goes to an all girls school and might (not 100% sure here) be talking to other guys (idk if just friends or im being paranoid). And finally probably the most concerning issue is I'm not sure what the publics' view is on asking out/dating a cousin's friend. You guys tell me your thoughts on the situation.
So basically my final question is should I just let go of this idea of a relationship with her or am I fine to go through with this?

First of all, my apologies, I posted this before, everyone told me to leave and I didn't listen.
Here's the full story, with all the possible details
TL;DR: Have I really been a neglecting boyfriend after not organizing a birthday party?
At this moment I feel devastated and heartbroken and I’d like to write my story down. It's rather long and very detailed. I noticed that I tend to switch between past and present tense. I'm supposed to be fluent in English but it’s not my native language and I apologize for any inconsistencies. I also seem to be going back and forth with the timeline, my apologies for this. So about a year ago I met someone from South America, she spoke only Spanish, none of my native languages, which are Dutch and French so I tried my best to speak Spanish (I'm okay, just not fluent) and we went on a date. She talked about her native country, which is Peru, her daughter (8yo at the time), I talked about stuff in my life (I’m a biker, sports shooter and I go to the gym a few times a week), and my daughter (11yo at the time). By the way, all of this happens in my country, which is Belgium. The date went really well, however she started drinking rather heavily and we ended up in my place having sex, the day after everything went really friendly although she was rather embarrassed she went that far on a first date. I assured her that's not really my style either but we were both in a party mood and drunk and one thing led to another. In the upcoming weeks we continued seeing each other (just regular dates, nothing sexual) and we got along really fine, what I did notice was that she never offered to pay for anything. For the moment she's not a legal resident so she can't work legally and she only works as a babysitter at someone's house so I let that slide. I do make a lot more than she does and I drive a company car so money is less tight to me, however this doesn't mean my resources are limitless. I take care of my daughter financially, I try to save for her and myself, for my sports, traveling so although I make a lot, life is very expensive. Let’s say I usually find a balance between enjoying life with my money and being responsible. She making a lot less money doesn’t mean she has nothing either, although I remain chivalrous, in Belgium it’s very common for a woman to pay as well, it’s more about the act and not really about the money. (Of course it’s different when you live together.) Also men and women are equal here, yet at the same time I try to take into account and show respect for the fact that this might be completely different in her culture. She did show she doesn't easily trust men, calling all men liars, continuously saying she believes in actions and is very reluctant towards words, always expressing the fact she’s completely independent. I did find this contradictory with her attitude to let men pay for her, but okay, different culture and a language barrier. (She speaks incredibly fast and sometimes understanding her was a task). At one point she asked (in a message) if I wanted to get to know her sisters, since family is important to her I enthusiastically said yes (I thought she was introducing me to her family), she interpreted this as an attempt to date her sisters and immediately blocked me. At this moment I panicked, I called a friend of hers and tried to explain the misunderstanding. Luckily she unblocked me and we continued talking and dating. However to avoid this in the future, I did say to her that if I ever were to say anything offensive, to ask or notify me, I speak Spanish rather fairly but it’s not my native language, so with this language barrier mistakes are always possible. She once even reacted in anger because she thought I wrote too many messages that indicated I wanted her for sex only, I apologized, assured her that is not the case and I also showed this in my actions. One very positive point, I picked up my Spanish lessons from school again and I started studying again so my Spanish would improve and indeed, these types of misunderstandings did more or less go away. However, now that I’m looking back, her attempts to learn French were no more than some basic phrases and my warning for the mistakes wasn’t taken into account for. After some more weeks passed by, we did seem to like each other a lot and she seemed to let her guard down, she started talking about doing activities with our kids, some time later she really wanted a relationship with me. Her daughter was really nice, she almost immediately became friends with my daughter, my gf was so pleased, we really connected. Then I made a horrible mistake, I didn't delete a dating app on my phone and she found conversations from the first week of our official relationship. (We were a month along) In my defense, I also have friends (non sexual) I met on these apps and the conversations were nothing more than a hello. Still I understand her feeling reluctant, I didn't show respect there, however she said nothing, and that night when I was sleeping she wrote a long message on how I was a horrible cheater and blocked me again. The last I could see was a status update where she filmed herself adding text she doesn’t need a man. Same story, talked to her friend, unblocked and we continued. I delete the dating app, I apologize for the lack of respect and I show her I'm actually loyal. About two months passed and we're in a nice relationship, however her wallet stayed closed. She even went as far as asking me for money to tip the waiter. Note: Tipping isn’t that customary in my country, the waiter was really confused. One night when we were going out I had enough. I just told her I was out of cash. Suddenly she pulls out a 50 euro bill (to the readers from the USA, a Euro is slightly higher than a dollar), gives me the bill and tells me she can lend me money so I can continue buying drinks and pay back the money later. I was dumbfounded. I asked her why she just couldn't offer a drink but she didn't seem to go with that story. In the pub she continuously kept saying I was tired and I should go home, I wasn’t tired at all but after a while I was fed up and I said: “Okay, I’ll go home.” Then she surprised me again, she asked me to pay a few beers forward (with the money she lent me) so she can continue drinking while I go home. I thought: “You know what? Take it, I’ve had it for today.” I pay for the beers and I walk out. Then she follows me and stops me, asking me to stay. At this point she really started to irritate me, ask me to go or stay but make a decision. We went back to the pub, I took one of the prepaid beers, which she didn’t like because those were hers supposedly. Suddenly the police entered the pub, they received a complaint about the noise, nothing special, just a standard visit. However, the bartender (a good female friend of my gf), also foreign didn’t have any identification, apparently she was here illegally. Police, forced to do their job, arrests her, my gf starts lashing out at the police, I tried to stop her because she’s here illegally as well. Had a friendly chat with the police, they were even impressed that I could speak foreign languages, really nice guys. At some point I had to pee, unfortunately the police weren't allowed to let us back inside the pub so I went somewhere between houses. (Not my style either but the pressure was high) When I came back my gf was gone, she thought I bailed, asked no questions and was walking home. I explained here why I was gone and later on she asked me to drive to the police station to find her friend, I tried to talk her out of that idea, trying to explain she’s being held for questioning and she’ll probably just be released in a few hours. She wouldn’t listen and wanted to go to the police station, at that point another friend of hers joined us and I drove them to a closed police station. The night ends, I drop them off and I go home. Luckily not all of our dates went like that, mostly we went to pubs, then ended up at my place where she changed into one of my shirts, looked at latin music on YouTube and then ended up spending the night. We did go to a Peruvian restaurant once, I let her order for me, no tourist food, the real experience. She orders her food, eats a part, decides it wasn’t tasty and just orders something else. You guessed it, I paid the bill. One day she talks about her daughter's upcoming anniversary (in a message), I propose to buy her a gift, however I'd like to wait a few weeks till my funds are replenished. She bursts out in anger, again, still unable to write my name correctly (that’s a real frustration, from the very beginning she wrote my name wrong), telling me how I'm always talking about money (I don't, I calculate a lot but I rarely talk about this) and she blocks me again. I was fed up, I just came from another relationship with a narcissist (true story) and I realized I was still in a people please mode, I couldn’t handle another one of these situations. I didn't call her friend anymore, I picked up the pieces of my heart and I went on. I told my daughter she wouldn't be seeing her daughter anymore (they got along really well so she was sad), picked my life back up and started focusing on healing rather than being with someone. The narcissist I mentioned is not the person in this story, I’m referring to a previous relationship. A few days later she sent me a poorly translated text with her bank account, asking me to deposit the 50 euro she lent me, minus 3 euro for an iPhone cover I bought her online. I ignored the message and went on with my life. I don’t steal from people but this was compensation for me. A few months later she texted me again, telling me how she misses our daughters being together and she really wants to see me. I agree on the condition that it's her time to pay for a drink. Yes you are allowed to call me an idiot here. So we went on a friendly date, she did pay, more or less, scratching the change in her pocket and barely getting to pay the bill for a few beers. However she did make a move on me again, I just went with it without expecting anything. That weekend we went out, the wallet was closed again and the romance was shifted back to friends and nothing more, she even asked me to take her friends out in the future. Yet instead of telling her to sod off, I felt hurt, meaning I wasn't healed as much as I wanted, I did improve but I still had a long way to go. The day after I sent her a message that going out as friends was too much for me and I couldn't see her on these terms anymore. (You could say I should have been more direct or blunt but I felt bad enough as it was and I also wanted to break her stereotypical view that all men take advantage of women). She replies in a very long message on how she's independent, I reply with an apology in case I ever hurt her. I hide my own pain, and once again I move on. Thanks to therapy, self reflection and really good friends I find myself again, I even have a few sexual encounters (always lifts the spirit), I take care of my daughter and I take (and improve) life one day at a time. A few months later, you guessed it, she texts me again. She misses me and she wants to get back in touch. I admit she has a special place in my heart, but no matter how special that is, she's not coming in anymore with that "all men are liars" and "I don't pay anything" attitude. For once I'm putting my brain ahead of my heart. We go out for a drink, she picks up the pill, we end up at my place, she spends the night. The day after I drop her off and I decide to take things differently, I send sweet yet straightforward messages, ignoring her evasive words and she becomes really impressed. I sent her an email, talking about the heavy divorce I had with my daughter’s mom, how she tried to demand way too much money from me and how I had to rebuild enormously financially, explaining why I’m reluctant to let people in my life who demand I pay everything. I don’t mind her not being able to pay a lot, but be fair. I do tell her my daughter needs braces and since her mom doesn’t feel like contributing I’m taking the full bill, which will be between 3000 and 4000 euro, meaning I don’t mind paying but sometimes I’ll be unable. That was only a small part of the mail, I really hate these ridiculous financial conversations and I do not want to give the impression here that our relation completely revolved around who pays the bill in the pub. I talk mostly about what happened with my daughter’s mom and the narcissist and what I expect from a relationship. She reacted very lovely to my mail and she seemed to really want to be with me. I was very clear, she could come back, however she knew my boundaries. I did receive a sad message from her, saying she wants to be with me but she can’t contribute in a financial way the way I demand from her. I simply reply that’s not what I meant with my message and there’s more to contribute to a relationship than money. She starts making an effort, I start getting messages that are more and more romantic. She doesn't freak out anymore, she seems to be dropping this overly independent attitude, I stay vigilant but she seems to be taking a turn for the better. Note that at this point we're more than a year further since our initial date. The insecurity wasn’t gone, one night, as a reply to a romantic message from me, she asks why I’m being romantic. I can just ask for sex if I want, I don’t have to lie and pretend I love her. Instead of denying, I agreed, I said I did want sex with her, but for romantic reasons and not just physical. She replied that she really wants me but she’s just so afraid, I calmly replied I didn’t mind. I accepted her so I also accept her fears, I accept her with all her positive and negative traits, not just the parts I like. This seemed to have given her a sense of trust and security We go out, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with our kids, she pays (a small part but again, it’s the act, not the money), she was really opening up and we were really getting fond of each other. There wasn't a single message that wasn’t followed with hearts and other romantic gestures. On my behalf, I show her that my words are followed with action, I'm not one of these men that give empty promises like she tends to believe. One day I surprised her with concert tickets for a sold out concert for Karol G. She reacts euphorically but suddenly asks if I have a ticket for her daughter as well. I told her I wasn't able to score a third ticket as this was from a reseller and I can only buy what they're offering. (Note: There were more available at that reseller but I was at my limit. I learned from the past, I already take her to her favorite singer for free.) She tells me she can't enjoy the concert without her daughter and starts looking for tickets at resellers (including sites I really don't trust), she even thought about VIP tickets because why not. (I was like: “ WTF, we’re sitting in a pub, I’m buying the beer, you ask me to buy you food, I agree because you have less and then you start looking for VIP tickets) I told her the VIP tickets are not sold out but insanely expensive (about 450 euro), she replied she didn’t mind when it’s for her daughter. In case you're wondering if I accept her daughter, I really do. She's a wonderful child, the concert is just really expensive and also not really a place where I'd take a 9yo. I thought: “Please no, not this financial crap again.” The day after she sends me reseller sites that I find untrustworthy, taking her daughter was the only thing she could put her mind on. In the upcoming weeks I continue having a relationship with her the way I do relations, I do a lot of activities, I show her I'm a man of my word. I make a list of all activities I want to do with her (or our kids), she reacts very lovely to that. And yes I start executing everything I planned, tropical pool for the four of us, private sauna for the two of us, etc. We’re having a double date! On one of our dates she asked me to pick up her sister and boyfriend to go to a restaurant. This adds about an hour to my driving time but I don’t mind, my investment into a slowly opening relationship. That night my daughter was with me but since she’s 13 now she can easily spend an evening by herself. In the restaurant, she still acts like a date and not my gf. The sister makes everything a bit more acceptable since she was the only one that spoke and understood French. Her boyfriend pays for the entire table (I genuinely thanked him) and my girlfriend asks to take all of us to my place for drinks. At my place (my daughter watching tv) I give them whisky cola and beers, she opens my fridge and sees about 12 beers, she immediately starts pushing me on how that’s not enough, we needed way more beer in the fridge. I drove her to the night shop (leaving the sis and her boyfriend alone in my apartment with my daughter, something I bet she’d never ever do if I were the one staying). We pick up more beers and Corona, then at my place she barely touches that beer, they just drink one Corona, why on earth did she make me drive to the night shop? There’s a party! She invited me to a party at her niece's place. I get Peruvian food and they charge 2 euro for a beer. The night begins great, I meet her friends and her father, great people. All of this is still in the concept of a friend, I’m not a boyfriend officially. Her daughter is playing in another room in the house, but she didn’t have any connection on her phone so I gave my phone as an access point. From time to time I ask my gf to give me my phone in case I receive a message or a call. Then I cross a line, I knock on the door of the room containing her daughter, just to check my phone, I notify her it’s me, my gf notices this, completely freaks out, yells at her daughter on how she can’t open for anyone including me. That actually hurt, we might not be dating that long but I’m no stranger either. Still I don't question her as a mother, yet she could have done this more friendly. The party continues, I get along with her dad and all her friends. She’s being nice, even holds my hand, yet to receive a kiss I had to be alone in another room with her. Every time I take a beer, I offer her one. She immediately asks to buy beers for other people, no worries, I agree. A fight breaks out between a few drunks, twice, with a bunch of drunk Peruvians piled up. After the fight one of her slutty friends (really that woman was a trainwreck) starts to twerk against me, I step back because I don’t do that with another woman. People start to cheer upon us, I give in for a few seconds, yet I make sure not to touch her, that's not a message I want to send to my gf, even if I’m just a friend in public. She gets angry again, thinking I’m a cheater and immediately starts to do the same dance with random men. I told her this wasn’t right, I’ve been playing the friend the entire evening, I never even touched that other woman, having this sort of petty revenge is below all means. She remains furious, yet we can talk in private, she turns around, kisses me and we make up. The party ends, I go home, she goes to sleep in that room with her daughter, peace is restored. One day (a few weeks ago) we're sitting in my car, she's all over me and tells me how I belong to her (completely love bombing me), suddenly she tells me how I have to tattoo her name on my manhood. I wanted to call her bluff, so I accepted her challenge if she tattooed my name on her body. Surprisingly she agreed, she even suggested my name on her boobs. A few days later I told her a manhood tattoo is a bit too insane (and also medically dangerous) so I accept her name on another part and my daughter's name on my arm. She agrees and sticks with the idea of my name on her boobs and adds a ring tattoo with our initials and those of our kids. She keeps talking about this for days like she really really wants my name. This was a bit odd, we were together for one month and she wanted our names tattooed, why did I call her bluff? What if she pushes this through? My daughter did react negatively, telling me I’ve been talking about her name for a long time but didn't do anything, yet for my gf’s name I immediately started planning. I told her she’s also in the planning but indeed, I only mentioned the gf and not my daughter, what was I doing? I wake up by this wake up call, I apologize and I prioritize the design of my daughter's name. Still, I’m a man of my words (although my priorities are sometimes overwhelmed by my emotions), so besides my daughter’s name, I also design our other names and the ring. My gf reacts very positively to the designs and appears to look forward to having my name on her body. Is this real? Suddenly, one day she starts doubting and she thinks tattooing a name is way too soon and she'd rather just go for a ring tattoo with my initials. I agree, it’s her body, the idea of my daughter's name remains unchanged. The day before the date for the tattoo, I sent her a message that my daughter picked the design for my tattoo and also hers, she reacted lovely to that. However when I asked what time I should pick her up, she replied with a long answer on how she thought the matter over and it's too soon to have initials tattooed because we don't know what the future brings. And most importantly, she already told me about this (she did not, she just went from name between boobs to initials on finger). I reacted calmly and said I'd still go through with my daughter's name, she's my daughter, I will not regret this. Yet this is just not done, backing down and making me ask before refusing. She didn’t even want to join me to the tattoo shop, but wrote positively that I could use the session for me. On the upside, I did get my daughter’s name tattooed and I’m absolutely thrilled about that. And in retrospect, by not tattooing our names she saved me from a very big mistake. Her daughter’s birthday! Me and my daughter pick them up and wo go to a nautical zoo, a fucking long drive but still an awesome daytrip. We buy a game for her Nintendo Switch packed in a box full of candy, chocolate and crisps and we head off to the zoo. In the zoo we have a blast, we even go through an obstacle course where I take her daughter with me. When the visit is over we visit the gift shop, my daughter chooses something sensibly she likes (she always does this), her daughter ravages the store. No worries, it’s her birthday, have a second gift, I take the bill. We drove off and she started talking about her upcoming birthday next month and she asked me if I could arrange a cabin at a river for about seven people. I told her I'd look. She immediately said she's only interested in that and she doesn't mind if I'm not able, yet I could sense discard in her voice. (I could be wrong here, she did mention her party somewhere that weekend) I tell her again my daughter needs braces, which I'm funding completely since her mom refuses to pay anything, so since braces are insanely expensive there will be moments where I'll be forced to decline activities that cost money, however I do what’s possible. I mentioned this several times since we started going out again and every time she reacted in a positive way, then why this type of reaction now? We go back to my place, she cooks (honestly she cooks amazing), we have some fun and we drive back to her place to deposit her daughter with her dad, my daughter stays at home. She tells me she wants to change clothes, meaning I can add 30 mins to my wait outside, always outside, I never enter her place apparently. Then we go to some friends of mine, I get to introduce her, we’re at their place just having fun and playing pool. My friends welcomed her immediately, trying to speak Spanish and making an effort to make her feel at home. When the night ends we go back to my place, to discover I’m out of coke for the whisky cola, she pushed me to go to the night shop but sadly they were all closed. She kept pushing me to drive back to her neighborhood to buy coke. I drove almost 400 km that day, I didn’t really want to but she kept pushing. Once entering her neighborhood she gets a call from her friend (that trainwreck), she asks me to visit her because she was crying and needed someone, she warned me not to give my number or any contact data because she’s very jealous (this wasn’t the first time she said that, really I don’t like that friend). Once arrived she had a drink with that drunk friend till my gf got sick about that herself, we dropped her off (she peed on the street) and went back to my place, with coke. At my place, she changes from her clothes to one of my shirts and we start watching South American videos on YouTube. Suddenly she shows me a video of a quinceanera party, apparently that’s a big party for when a girl turns 15, with horses, music and all the whatnot. My daughter rides horses as a sport, we know the people from the stables, looking at the video this doesn’t look that difficult to organize so I propose to her we can pull this off. Her mood changes, she reluctantly tells me I shouldn’t be pretending like she meant as much to me as my own daughter. (Yea of course my own daughter comes first to me, so does her to her, but that wasn’t the point. I have never disregarded her daughter, I mentioned many times that she's a fantastic child and I treat her with love. Also this wasn’t a situation where I had to choose, I only proposed that if she wants a party, we know the stables. She continues her rant going on and on, at one point she’s back in Peru and around 10yo and she starts crying because some men from her family touched her in inappropriate places. At that point I thought she was going mental but I still did the right thing, hugged her and calmed her down. Then she jumped up and started dancing. By that time we were around 08:00 and I said we had to turn the music down because we could wake up my daughter, she said we could continue in my room. (That made me happy, watching my gf dancing naked all night without being allowed to do anything but dance was a very strong foreplay) She goes to my room, I look for my phone, I enter my room and I find her dead asleep. I sleep beside her for a few hours, she wakes up, makes a move on me and we have sex. Later on, I drove her home (this is the last time I’ll ever see her) and we talked about her birthday party. When she asked me a few days back what I had planned for her birthday, my ideas weren’t good, she wanted me to rent a house for about 8 people. The house had to be in nature by a river. Driving her home, I admit I’m afraid I won’t be able to cater this on such a short notice, she replied she was prepared for the fact that I wouldn’t be able. Again, I’m a man of my word but I have almost nothing to work with here, I don’t even know how her friends or family are able to get there. One morning I sent her my attempts to find cabins but they’re all ridiculously expensive (I did jack up the price but with her there are always hidden costs), she didn't believe me and gave me an answer like if I'm not able we should just drop everything. I even asked her sister's number, asking if we could organize something together because she already mentioned she was also planning. She did give her contact but I can't help but feel her reluctance over this. The sister replied, making demands, immediately telling me what I have to pay (I did not mention anything about money, I only mentioned location, beers, friends, etc.) I agree, as long as I’m able, that’s all. A few days later the sister changes the house for 8 people to a single space for 12 people. Shortly after my gf aggressively sends me I should stop because I’m not doing anything anyway. Again, I work, meaning several hours of my day are committed to the company, I’m available, just not 24/7. I say I’d rather be involved but I respect her decision, I’m her boyfriend so I should be able to give her an experience for her birthday. She lashes out, telling me if I really was her boyfriend I’d organize her party and not try to make her sister pay. I did nothing of the sort, I wanted to organize with several people for a better organization, nothing more.
Later on she even thought the fact that I agreed to her pushing me out of the organization was horrible. The love in her messages made place for cold text. A few days later she compared our relation with her sister’s, telling me how that Cuban boyfriend makes sure she never has to pay for anything (Drinks, babysit, even parts of her rent) She went on about how I’m cold, never took care of her and only used her for sex. She told me she never had a boyfriend like me, she was absolutely struck by how poorly she was treated compared to how other men treat their woman. She even said I force her to share the gifts I give her. I started thinking back and indeed, a few months ago we weren’t officially together yet and she posted about how Valentine was about love and friendship, I gave her a big box of chocolates and I jokingly said this wasn’t for her alone, also for her daughter and other family members that wanted to try. I told her that’s the friendship part, she loved that idea, yet in silence that seemed to build resentment. I replied that here in Europe men and women are equal, paying everything would be an insult to a woman’s independence. (I didn’t reply on the other accusations) This was not an attempt to discard her culture so I added the fact that with great respect for her culture, she’s living in mine, this should result in a healthy mix and not one culture winning over the other. Yes since I was writing Spanish I accidentally used the word conquer instead of “winning over” so she aggressively reacted to that. I told her that’s not what I mean, that was the last we said, she didn’t reply anymore. Somewhere back in her rant I asked if she was dumping me over text, to which she replied: “Of course not.” Although that could have been sarcasm I was hurt, confused on how a situation with nothing but love and attachment could turn into this nightmare over communication about a party. A good (female) friend of mine told me she should pay for her own fucking party of she wants one, but I was too emotional to accept this. I did something I regret, I wrote on my Whatsapp status that if my daughter ever treats a man like she treated me, I’ve officially failed as a dad and a few other pics on healing from abuse, all in English. Yes it’s petty, I know, my emotions got the better of me. Yesterday (and today), her fb and Whatsapp status is packed with videos on how real men should treat real women. Is she punching back for my status, is she just using a coping mechanism, did she read my status at all? I don’t know but it felt like I was being kicked when I was down. She keeps on telling me how she hates people that waste her time but I'm afraid that's exactly what she did to me. Did I really invest in a person that doesn’t exist? Did I really come short? Was I really a cold boyfriend? If there’s one silver lining, I used the money for her party to buy a new firearm. The story has a lot more details than this, but it's been long enough already, by all means, ask me anything if I haven't been clear somewhere.

First of all, my apologies, I posted this before, everyone told me to leave and I didn't listen.
Here's the full story, with all the possible details
TL;DR: Have I really been a neglecting boyfriend after not organizing a birthday party?
At this moment I feel devastated and heartbroken and I’d like to write my story down. It's rather long and very detailed. I noticed that I tend to switch between past and present tense. I'm supposed to be fluent in English but it’s not my native language and I apologize for any inconsistencies. I also seem to be going back and forth with the timeline, my apologies for this. So about a year ago I met someone from South America, she spoke only Spanish, none of my native languages, which are Dutch and French so I tried my best to speak Spanish (I'm okay, just not fluent) and we went on a date. She talked about her native country, which is Peru, her daughter (8yo at the time), I talked about stuff in my life (I’m a biker, sports shooter and I go to the gym a few times a week), and my daughter (11yo at the time). By the way, all of this happens in my country, which is Belgium. The date went really well, however she started drinking rather heavily and we ended up in my place having sex, the day after everything went really friendly although she was rather embarrassed she went that far on a first date. I assured her that's not really my style either but we were both in a party mood and drunk and one thing led to another. In the upcoming weeks we continued seeing each other (just regular dates, nothing sexual) and we got along really fine, what I did notice was that she never offered to pay for anything. For the moment she's not a legal resident so she can't work legally and she only works as a babysitter at someone's house so I let that slide. I do make a lot more than she does and I drive a company car so money is less tight to me, however this doesn't mean my resources are limitless. I take care of my daughter financially, I try to save for her and myself, for my sports, traveling so although I make a lot, life is very expensive. Let’s say I usually find a balance between enjoying life with my money and being responsible. She making a lot less money doesn’t mean she has nothing either, although I remain chivalrous, in Belgium it’s very common for a woman to pay as well, it’s more about the act and not really about the money. (Of course it’s different when you live together.) Also men and women are equal here, yet at the same time I try to take into account and show respect for the fact that this might be completely different in her culture. She did show she doesn't easily trust men, calling all men liars, continuously saying she believes in actions and is very reluctant towards words, always expressing the fact she’s completely independent. I did find this contradictory with her attitude to let men pay for her, but okay, different culture and a language barrier. (She speaks incredibly fast and sometimes understanding her was a task). At one point she asked (in a message) if I wanted to get to know her sisters, since family is important to her I enthusiastically said yes (I thought she was introducing me to her family), she interpreted this as an attempt to date her sisters and immediately blocked me. At this moment I panicked, I called a friend of hers and tried to explain the misunderstanding. Luckily she unblocked me and we continued talking and dating. However to avoid this in the future, I did say to her that if I ever were to say anything offensive, to ask or notify me, I speak Spanish rather fairly but it’s not my native language, so with this language barrier mistakes are always possible. She once even reacted in anger because she thought I wrote too many messages that indicated I wanted her for sex only, I apologized, assured her that is not the case and I also showed this in my actions. One very positive point, I picked up my Spanish lessons from school again and I started studying again so my Spanish would improve and indeed, these types of misunderstandings did more or less go away. However, now that I’m looking back, her attempts to learn French were no more than some basic phrases and my warning for the mistakes wasn’t taken into account for. After some more weeks passed by, we did seem to like each other a lot and she seemed to let her guard down, she started talking about doing activities with our kids, some time later she really wanted a relationship with me. Her daughter was really nice, she almost immediately became friends with my daughter, my gf was so pleased, we really connected. Then I made a horrible mistake, I didn't delete a dating app on my phone and she found conversations from the first week of our official relationship. (We were a month along) In my defense, I also have friends (non sexual) I met on these apps and the conversations were nothing more than a hello. Still I understand her feeling reluctant, I didn't show respect there, however she said nothing, and that night when I was sleeping she wrote a long message on how I was a horrible cheater and blocked me again. The last I could see was a status update where she filmed herself adding text she doesn’t need a man. Same story, talked to her friend, unblocked and we continued. I delete the dating app, I apologize for the lack of respect and I show her I'm actually loyal. About two months passed and we're in a nice relationship, however her wallet stayed closed. She even went as far as asking me for money to tip the waiter. Note: Tipping isn’t that customary in my country, the waiter was really confused. One night when we were going out I had enough. I just told her I was out of cash. Suddenly she pulls out a 50 euro bill (to the readers from the USA, a Euro is slightly higher than a dollar), gives me the bill and tells me she can lend me money so I can continue buying drinks and pay back the money later. I was dumbfounded. I asked her why she just couldn't offer a drink but she didn't seem to go with that story. In the pub she continuously kept saying I was tired and I should go home, I wasn’t tired at all but after a while I was fed up and I said: “Okay, I’ll go home.” Then she surprised me again, she asked me to pay a few beers forward (with the money she lent me) so she can continue drinking while I go home. I thought: “You know what? Take it, I’ve had it for today.” I pay for the beers and I walk out. Then she follows me and stops me, asking me to stay. At this point she really started to irritate me, ask me to go or stay but make a decision. We went back to the pub, I took one of the prepaid beers, which she didn’t like because those were hers supposedly. Suddenly the police entered the pub, they received a complaint about the noise, nothing special, just a standard visit. However, the bartender (a good female friend of my gf), also foreign didn’t have any identification, apparently she was here illegally. Police, forced to do their job, arrests her, my gf starts lashing out at the police, I tried to stop her because she’s here illegally as well. Had a friendly chat with the police, they were even impressed that I could speak foreign languages, really nice guys. At some point I had to pee, unfortunately the police weren't allowed to let us back inside the pub so I went somewhere between houses. (Not my style either but the pressure was high) When I came back my gf was gone, she thought I bailed, asked no questions and was walking home. I explained here why I was gone and later on she asked me to drive to the police station to find her friend, I tried to talk her out of that idea, trying to explain she’s being held for questioning and she’ll probably just be released in a few hours. She wouldn’t listen and wanted to go to the police station, at that point another friend of hers joined us and I drove them to a closed police station. The night ends, I drop them off and I go home. Luckily not all of our dates went like that, mostly we went to pubs, then ended up at my place where she changed into one of my shirts, looked at latin music on YouTube and then ended up spending the night. We did go to a Peruvian restaurant once, I let her order for me, no tourist food, the real experience. She orders her food, eats a part, decides it wasn’t tasty and just orders something else. You guessed it, I paid the bill. One day she talks about her daughter's upcoming anniversary (in a message), I propose to buy her a gift, however I'd like to wait a few weeks till my funds are replenished. She bursts out in anger, again, still unable to write my name correctly (that’s a real frustration, from the very beginning she wrote my name wrong), telling me how I'm always talking about money (I don't, I calculate a lot but I rarely talk about this) and she blocks me again. I was fed up, I just came from another relationship with a narcissist (true story) and I realized I was still in a people please mode, I couldn’t handle another one of these situations. I didn't call her friend anymore, I picked up the pieces of my heart and I went on. I told my daughter she wouldn't be seeing her daughter anymore (they got along really well so she was sad), picked my life back up and started focusing on healing rather than being with someone. The narcissist I mentioned is not the person in this story, I’m referring to a previous relationship. A few days later she sent me a poorly translated text with her bank account, asking me to deposit the 50 euro she lent me, minus 3 euro for an iPhone cover I bought her online. I ignored the message and went on with my life. I don’t steal from people but this was compensation for me. A few months later she texted me again, telling me how she misses our daughters being together and she really wants to see me. I agree on the condition that it's her time to pay for a drink. Yes you are allowed to call me an idiot here. So we went on a friendly date, she did pay, more or less, scratching the change in her pocket and barely getting to pay the bill for a few beers. However she did make a move on me again, I just went with it without expecting anything. That weekend we went out, the wallet was closed again and the romance was shifted back to friends and nothing more, she even asked me to take her friends out in the future. Yet instead of telling her to sod off, I felt hurt, meaning I wasn't healed as much as I wanted, I did improve but I still had a long way to go. The day after I sent her a message that going out as friends was too much for me and I couldn't see her on these terms anymore. (You could say I should have been more direct or blunt but I felt bad enough as it was and I also wanted to break her stereotypical view that all men take advantage of women). She replies in a very long message on how she's independent, I reply with an apology in case I ever hurt her. I hide my own pain, and once again I move on. Thanks to therapy, self reflection and really good friends I find myself again, I even have a few sexual encounters (always lifts the spirit), I take care of my daughter and I take (and improve) life one day at a time. A few months later, you guessed it, she texts me again. She misses me and she wants to get back in touch. I admit she has a special place in my heart, but no matter how special that is, she's not coming in anymore with that "all men are liars" and "I don't pay anything" attitude. For once I'm putting my brain ahead of my heart. We go out for a drink, she picks up the pill, we end up at my place, she spends the night. The day after I drop her off and I decide to take things differently, I send sweet yet straightforward messages, ignoring her evasive words and she becomes really impressed. I sent her an email, talking about the heavy divorce I had with my daughter’s mom, how she tried to demand way too much money from me and how I had to rebuild enormously financially, explaining why I’m reluctant to let people in my life who demand I pay everything. I don’t mind her not being able to pay a lot, but be fair. I do tell her my daughter needs braces and since her mom doesn’t feel like contributing I’m taking the full bill, which will be between 3000 and 4000 euro, meaning I don’t mind paying but sometimes I’ll be unable. That was only a small part of the mail, I really hate these ridiculous financial conversations and I do not want to give the impression here that our relation completely revolved around who pays the bill in the pub. I talk mostly about what happened with my daughter’s mom and the narcissist and what I expect from a relationship. She reacted very lovely to my mail and she seemed to really want to be with me. I was very clear, she could come back, however she knew my boundaries. I did receive a sad message from her, saying she wants to be with me but she can’t contribute in a financial way the way I demand from her. I simply reply that’s not what I meant with my message and there’s more to contribute to a relationship than money. She starts making an effort, I start getting messages that are more and more romantic. She doesn't freak out anymore, she seems to be dropping this overly independent attitude, I stay vigilant but she seems to be taking a turn for the better. Note that at this point we're more than a year further since our initial date. The insecurity wasn’t gone, one night, as a reply to a romantic message from me, she asks why I’m being romantic. I can just ask for sex if I want, I don’t have to lie and pretend I love her. Instead of denying, I agreed, I said I did want sex with her, but for romantic reasons and not just physical. She replied that she really wants me but she’s just so afraid, I calmly replied I didn’t mind. I accepted her so I also accept her fears, I accept her with all her positive and negative traits, not just the parts I like. This seemed to have given her a sense of trust and security We go out, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with our kids, she pays (a small part but again, it’s the act, not the money), she was really opening up and we were really getting fond of each other. There wasn't a single message that wasn’t followed with hearts and other romantic gestures. On my behalf, I show her that my words are followed with action, I'm not one of these men that give empty promises like she tends to believe. One day I surprised her with concert tickets for a sold out concert for Karol G. She reacts euphorically but suddenly asks if I have a ticket for her daughter as well. I told her I wasn't able to score a third ticket as this was from a reseller and I can only buy what they're offering. (Note: There were more available at that reseller but I was at my limit. I learned from the past, I already take her to her favorite singer for free.) She tells me she can't enjoy the concert without her daughter and starts looking for tickets at resellers (including sites I really don't trust), she even thought about VIP tickets because why not. (I was like: “ WTF, we’re sitting in a pub, I’m buying the beer, you ask me to buy you food, I agree because you have less and then you start looking for VIP tickets) I told her the VIP tickets are not sold out but insanely expensive (about 450 euro), she replied she didn’t mind when it’s for her daughter. In case you're wondering if I accept her daughter, I really do. She's a wonderful child, the concert is just really expensive and also not really a place where I'd take a 9yo. I thought: “Please no, not this financial crap again.” The day after she sends me reseller sites that I find untrustworthy, taking her daughter was the only thing she could put her mind on. In the upcoming weeks I continue having a relationship with her the way I do relations, I do a lot of activities, I show her I'm a man of my word. I make a list of all activities I want to do with her (or our kids), she reacts very lovely to that. And yes I start executing everything I planned, tropical pool for the four of us, private sauna for the two of us, etc. We’re having a double date! On one of our dates she asked me to pick up her sister and boyfriend to go to a restaurant. This adds about an hour to my driving time but I don’t mind, my investment into a slowly opening relationship. That night my daughter was with me but since she’s 13 now she can easily spend an evening by herself. In the restaurant, she still acts like a date and not my gf. The sister makes everything a bit more acceptable since she was the only one that spoke and understood French. Her boyfriend pays for the entire table (I genuinely thanked him) and my girlfriend asks to take all of us to my place for drinks. At my place (my daughter watching tv) I give them whisky cola and beers, she opens my fridge and sees about 12 beers, she immediately starts pushing me on how that’s not enough, we needed way more beer in the fridge. I drove her to the night shop (leaving the sis and her boyfriend alone in my apartment with my daughter, something I bet she’d never ever do if I were the one staying). We pick up more beers and Corona, then at my place she barely touches that beer, they just drink one Corona, why on earth did she make me drive to the night shop? There’s a party! She invited me to a party at her niece's place. I get Peruvian food and they charge 2 euro for a beer. The night begins great, I meet her friends and her father, great people. All of this is still in the concept of a friend, I’m not a boyfriend officially. Her daughter is playing in another room in the house, but she didn’t have any connection on her phone so I gave my phone as an access point. From time to time I ask my gf to give me my phone in case I receive a message or a call. Then I cross a line, I knock on the door of the room containing her daughter, just to check my phone, I notify her it’s me, my gf notices this, completely freaks out, yells at her daughter on how she can’t open for anyone including me. That actually hurt, we might not be dating that long but I’m no stranger either. Still I don't question her as a mother, yet she could have done this more friendly. The party continues, I get along with her dad and all her friends. She’s being nice, even holds my hand, yet to receive a kiss I had to be alone in another room with her. Every time I take a beer, I offer her one. She immediately asks to buy beers for other people, no worries, I agree. A fight breaks out between a few drunks, twice, with a bunch of drunk Peruvians piled up. After the fight one of her slutty friends (really that woman was a trainwreck) starts to twerk against me, I step back because I don’t do that with another woman. People start to cheer upon us, I give in for a few seconds, yet I make sure not to touch her, that's not a message I want to send to my gf, even if I’m just a friend in public. She gets angry again, thinking I’m a cheater and immediately starts to do the same dance with random men. I told her this wasn’t right, I’ve been playing the friend the entire evening, I never even touched that other woman, having this sort of petty revenge is below all means. She remains furious, yet we can talk in private, she turns around, kisses me and we make up. The party ends, I go home, she goes to sleep in that room with her daughter, peace is restored. One day (a few weeks ago) we're sitting in my car, she's all over me and tells me how I belong to her (completely love bombing me), suddenly she tells me how I have to tattoo her name on my manhood. I wanted to call her bluff, so I accepted her challenge if she tattooed my name on her body. Surprisingly she agreed, she even suggested my name on her boobs. A few days later I told her a manhood tattoo is a bit too insane (and also medically dangerous) so I accept her name on another part and my daughter's name on my arm. She agrees and sticks with the idea of my name on her boobs and adds a ring tattoo with our initials and those of our kids. She keeps talking about this for days like she really really wants my name. This was a bit odd, we were together for one month and she wanted our names tattooed, why did I call her bluff? What if she pushes this through? My daughter did react negatively, telling me I’ve been talking about her name for a long time but didn't do anything, yet for my gf’s name I immediately started planning. I told her she’s also in the planning but indeed, I only mentioned the gf and not my daughter, what was I doing? I wake up by this wake up call, I apologize and I prioritize the design of my daughter's name. Still, I’m a man of my words (although my priorities are sometimes overwhelmed by my emotions), so besides my daughter’s name, I also design our other names and the ring. My gf reacts very positively to the designs and appears to look forward to having my name on her body. Is this real? Suddenly, one day she starts doubting and she thinks tattooing a name is way too soon and she'd rather just go for a ring tattoo with my initials. I agree, it’s her body, the idea of my daughter's name remains unchanged. The day before the date for the tattoo, I sent her a message that my daughter picked the design for my tattoo and also hers, she reacted lovely to that. However when I asked what time I should pick her up, she replied with a long answer on how she thought the matter over and it's too soon to have initials tattooed because we don't know what the future brings. And most importantly, she already told me about this (she did not, she just went from name between boobs to initials on finger). I reacted calmly and said I'd still go through with my daughter's name, she's my daughter, I will not regret this. Yet this is just not done, backing down and making me ask before refusing. She didn’t even want to join me to the tattoo shop, but wrote positively that I could use the session for me. On the upside, I did get my daughter’s name tattooed and I’m absolutely thrilled about that. And in retrospect, by not tattooing our names she saved me from a very big mistake. Her daughter’s birthday! Me and my daughter pick them up and wo go to a nautical zoo, a fucking long drive but still an awesome daytrip. We buy a game for her Nintendo Switch packed in a box full of candy, chocolate and crisps and we head off to the zoo. In the zoo we have a blast, we even go through an obstacle course where I take her daughter with me. When the visit is over we visit the gift shop, my daughter chooses something sensibly she likes (she always does this), her daughter ravages the store. No worries, it’s her birthday, have a second gift, I take the bill. We drove off and she started talking about her upcoming birthday next month and she asked me if I could arrange a cabin at a river for about seven people. I told her I'd look. She immediately said she's only interested in that and she doesn't mind if I'm not able, yet I could sense discard in her voice. (I could be wrong here, she did mention her party somewhere that weekend) I tell her again my daughter needs braces, which I'm funding completely since her mom refuses to pay anything, so since braces are insanely expensive there will be moments where I'll be forced to decline activities that cost money, however I do what’s possible. I mentioned this several times since we started going out again and every time she reacted in a positive way, then why this type of reaction now? We go back to my place, she cooks (honestly she cooks amazing), we have some fun and we drive back to her place to deposit her daughter with her dad, my daughter stays at home. She tells me she wants to change clothes, meaning I can add 30 mins to my wait outside, always outside, I never enter her place apparently. Then we go to some friends of mine, I get to introduce her, we’re at their place just having fun and playing pool. My friends welcomed her immediately, trying to speak Spanish and making an effort to make her feel at home. When the night ends we go back to my place, to discover I’m out of coke for the whisky cola, she pushed me to go to the night shop but sadly they were all closed. She kept pushing me to drive back to her neighborhood to buy coke. I drove almost 400 km that day, I didn’t really want to but she kept pushing. Once entering her neighborhood she gets a call from her friend (that trainwreck), she asks me to visit her because she was crying and needed someone, she warned me not to give my number or any contact data because she’s very jealous (this wasn’t the first time she said that, really I don’t like that friend). Once arrived she had a drink with that drunk friend till my gf got sick about that herself, we dropped her off (she peed on the street) and went back to my place, with coke. At my place, she changes from her clothes to one of my shirts and we start watching South American videos on YouTube. Suddenly she shows me a video of a quinceanera party, apparently that’s a big party for when a girl turns 15, with horses, music and all the whatnot. My daughter rides horses as a sport, we know the people from the stables, looking at the video this doesn’t look that difficult to organize so I propose to her we can pull this off. Her mood changes, she reluctantly tells me I shouldn’t be pretending like she meant as much to me as my own daughter. (Yea of course my own daughter comes first to me, so does her to her, but that wasn’t the point. I have never disregarded her daughter, I mentioned many times that she's a fantastic child and I treat her with love. Also this wasn’t a situation where I had to choose, I only proposed that if she wants a party, we know the stables. She continues her rant going on and on, at one point she’s back in Peru and around 10yo and she starts crying because some men from her family touched her in inappropriate places. At that point I thought she was going mental but I still did the right thing, hugged her and calmed her down. Then she jumped up and started dancing. By that time we were around 08:00 and I said we had to turn the music down because we could wake up my daughter, she said we could continue in my room. (That made me happy, watching my gf dancing naked all night without being allowed to do anything but dance was a very strong foreplay) She goes to my room, I look for my phone, I enter my room and I find her dead asleep. I sleep beside her for a few hours, she wakes up, makes a move on me and we have sex. Later on, I drove her home (this is the last time I’ll ever see her) and we talked about her birthday party. When she asked me a few days back what I had planned for her birthday, my ideas weren’t good, she wanted me to rent a house for about 8 people. The house had to be in nature by a river. Driving her home, I admit I’m afraid I won’t be able to cater this on such a short notice, she replied she was prepared for the fact that I wouldn’t be able. Again, I’m a man of my word but I have almost nothing to work with here, I don’t even know how her friends or family are able to get there. One morning I sent her my attempts to find cabins but they’re all ridiculously expensive (I did jack up the price but with her there are always hidden costs), she didn't believe me and gave me an answer like if I'm not able we should just drop everything. I even asked her sister's number, asking if we could organize something together because she already mentioned she was also planning. She did give her contact but I can't help but feel her reluctance over this. The sister replied, making demands, immediately telling me what I have to pay (I did not mention anything about money, I only mentioned location, beers, friends, etc.) I agree, as long as I’m able, that’s all. A few days later the sister changes the house for 8 people to a single space for 12 people. Shortly after my gf aggressively sends me I should stop because I’m not doing anything anyway. Again, I work, meaning several hours of my day are committed to the company, I’m available, just not 24/7. I say I’d rather be involved but I respect her decision, I’m her boyfriend so I should be able to give her an experience for her birthday. She lashes out, telling me if I really was her boyfriend I’d organize her party and not try to make her sister pay. I did nothing of the sort, I wanted to organize with several people for a better organization, nothing more.
Later on she even thought the fact that I agreed to her pushing me out of the organization was horrible. The love in her messages made place for cold text. A few days later she compared our relation with her sister’s, telling me how that Cuban boyfriend makes sure she never has to pay for anything (Drinks, babysit, even parts of her rent) She went on about how I’m cold, never took care of her and only used her for sex. She told me she never had a boyfriend like me, she was absolutely struck by how poorly she was treated compared to how other men treat their woman. She even said I force her to share the gifts I give her. I started thinking back and indeed, a few months ago we weren’t officially together yet and she posted about how Valentine was about love and friendship, I gave her a big box of chocolates and I jokingly said this wasn’t for her alone, also for her daughter and other family members that wanted to try. I told her that’s the friendship part, she loved that idea, yet in silence that seemed to build resentment. I replied that here in Europe men and women are equal, paying everything would be an insult to a woman’s independence. (I didn’t reply on the other accusations) This was not an attempt to discard her culture so I added the fact that with great respect for her culture, she’s living in mine, this should result in a healthy mix and not one culture winning over the other. Yes since I was writing Spanish I accidentally used the word conquer instead of “winning over” so she aggressively reacted to that. I told her that’s not what I mean, that was the last we said, she didn’t reply anymore. Somewhere back in her rant I asked if she was dumping me over text, to which she replied: “Of course not.” Although that could have been sarcasm I was hurt, confused on how a situation with nothing but love and attachment could turn into this nightmare over communication about a party. A good (female) friend of mine told me she should pay for her own fucking party of she wants one, but I was too emotional to accept this. I did something I regret, I wrote on my Whatsapp status that if my daughter ever treats a man like she treated me, I’ve officially failed as a dad and a few other pics on healing from abuse, all in English. Yes it’s petty, I know, my emotions got the better of me. Yesterday (and today), her fb and Whatsapp status is packed with videos on how real men should treat real women. Is she punching back for my status, is she just using a coping mechanism, did she read my status at all? I don’t know but it felt like I was being kicked when I was down. She keeps on telling me how she hates people that waste her time but I'm afraid that's exactly what she did to me. Did I really invest in a person that doesn’t exist? Did I really come short? Was I really a cold boyfriend? If there’s one silver lining, I used the money for her party to buy a new firearm. The story has a lot more details than this, but it's been long enough already, by all means, ask me anything if I haven't been clear somewhere.

[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
It's always the quiet ones. - Unknown, Terra, Age of Paranoia
Tawtchee sat and watched as everyone hustled and bustled about, moving quickly between stations as the ship prepared to drop from Transit Space and into realspace. The directions they had gotten from "Chuck" to decipher the encoded data embedded in the scars on his back had been complicated, with specific drive speeds, specific Transit Space bands, and tolerances as low as a few light seconds.
The ship was ready to drop, the counter winding down.
Tawtchee knew that Hrekkel felt that he was some kind of good luck charm. That Tawtchee would be able to figure out things that other people could not.
Tawtchee felt that Hrekkel needed some time in a brothel and a good bar fight.
Still, he had spent the entire time going over Terror technology, how it reacted when it was first met, how it had been bypassed, what kind of computer systems still worked.
He wasn't surprised to find out that the majority of the computer systems that still worked were stuff like automated VI bill collectors, legal fine help desks, and traffic offense systems.
He checked the bridge again.
Everyone looked wound up like a cherry before their first firefight.
A glance showed him Field Captain Strechen, who looked like she was wound tight enough to vibrate. The Field Captain had her hands clasped in front of her, leaning back against the wall, the heels of her shoes pressed together.
Tawtchee just turned and watched the counter wind down.
"Remember, all weapons offline. Shields at standby except for particle screens. Engines at full stop," Hrekkel reminded the XO. The XO repeated the orders, the female sweating enough the fur on the sides of her snout and the top of her head were slick.
When it hit zero, the ship made the slight downshift from the bottom of the lowest Transit Space band and into realspace. There was a slight shimmer in the air, a feeling of momentum that had suddenly released somehow.
The tension on the bridge got more intense.
Tawtchee just looked at his thumbnail.
"We're being scanned," the sensor technician said. Their voice grew choked. "Two, three, four hundred point sources. Multiple scanning methods."
A light swept through the bridge, from side to side, then from front to back, then back to front, then side to side in the opposite direction. Then the light filled the bridge. Each member of the bridge crew was outlined. Data scrolled across the outline. The consoles and electronic equipment was suddenly outlined then glowed slightly, like an objective in a VR game. More data flowed by.
The viewscreen at the front of the bridge came on. Runes appeared, then began flickering, finally settling on Dra.Falten standard text.
YOU ARE BEING SCANNED
RESISTANCE WILL BE MET WITH OVERWHELMING FORCE
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE
Time moved by slowly.
YOU HAVE BEEN SCANNED
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION
PLEASE WAIT FOR INTERACTION
NON-COMPLIANCE WILL BE MET WITH OVERWHELMING LETHAL FORCE
SOMEONE WILL BE WITH YOU SOON
YOU ARE NUMBER [ONE] IN THE QUEUE
A REPRESENTATIVE WILL BE WITH YOU IN APPROXIMATELY [12.6] MINUTES
The light suddenly winked out.
The last two sentences stayed on the viewscreen, the time quickly speeding by.
"Tawtchee, it's on you if you think I'm screwing up," Hrekkel said when the timer dropped to less than two minutes.
Tawtchee sighed, standing up and moving forward. He twisted the cap off the bottle of fizzybrew and slugged down part of it.
The crew eyed him suspiciously.
There was a glow in the middle of the bridge, in a wide empty area where two console rows met with a path from the back of the bridge to the front.
The glow suddenly pulsed and a female Terror appeared.
"Greetings! I am Perfect-Day-331978," the Terror said, her voice pleasant in the soothing aural range of Dra.Falten hearing. "If you would prefer a live agent to speak with, please say 'Live Agent' at any time. Please listen to the following menu as our options may have changed."
The female tapped mid-air and a holographic box appeared.
"If you would like to check the status of your application for residency, visitation, or amnesty, please touch box one," she created another box. "If you need to start a new application, please press box two. If you would like to verify your application, press box three."
The hologram kept speaking, putting up boxes and suggestions.
"Live Agent," Hrekkel said when it said "If you would like to repeat this menu, please select the pound sign box."
The hologram flickered. "Before I transfer you, I need to gather more information."
"Live Agent," Hrekkel said.
"With more information, the live agent will be better able to serve you," the hologram said. "If you were to state the nature of your inquiry, I will be better able to connect you to the correct department. Please state your name and star nation of origin."
"Live Agent," Hrekkel said again, looking frustrated.
"Before I move you to a live agent, I will need some information to..." she started.
"GIVE ME A FUCKING LIVE AGENT, YOU MUTATED MALFORMED SPAWN OF A TWO CREDIT RING-TONE!" Tawtchee yelled. He threw the fizzybrew bottle through the hologram. "IF I WANTED SHIT FROM SOME JUMPED UP COUNTING BOX, I'D CALL THE TAX SERVICES!"
The hologram gave a huffy sound and vanished.
"Are you sure about this?" Hrekkel asked, shifting nervously in his chair.
"You've never dealt with Imperial Pay Services," Tawtchee said. He gave a short mocking laugh. "That was damn near the same VI that I had to deal with to get my combat pay comped."
One of the lower ranking had gathered up the bottle and dropped it in the reclaimer even as a robot sopped up the spilled beer. Tawtchee picked up another fizzybrew from the six-pack he'd put on the unused backup combat control console, cracking it open.
A new hologram appeared.
"Good day, sir, ma'am, both, or neither," the hologram said. This one was sitting behind a desk, without the flowing code across the surface. They were dressed in official looking clothing, the desk had clutter on it. "I am Agent Sarah Goodporter, representing the government of the systems you are intending to access. This interaction is recorded for performance review and training purposes," she gave a tight lipped Terror 'smile'. "How may I assist you at this time?"
Hrekkel stepped forward. "We are searching out the Terrors."
"Oh, well, in that case," she smiled. "I suggest you adhere to the following instructions," she said.
"I am recording," Hrekkel said.
"Good. All right, what you do, is you go back to your quarters. You put on a clown suit, one of the good ones with the squirting flower and the rubber nose. Then you get a good running start," she paused for a second, smiling. "Then jump up your own ass."
The hologram winked out.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO EAT A BOWL OF DICKS
appeared on the viewscreen.
Then it winked out, leaving an icon of "RATE MY SERVICE" on it.
Hrekkel turned and looked around. "OK, what happened?"
Tawtchee took a drink and shook his head. "You gave them an out," he sighed. "The only thing lazier than a government employee is a government employee you need something from."
Ee'eerlee'u gave a snort of a smothered laugh.
"Want to try?" Hrekkel asked.
Tawtchee shook his head. "No, but I'll do it anyway."
He guzzled down the fizzybrew, lit a cigarette, and picked up the book reader he'd gotten from stores. He moved over and tapped the rate my service on it.
The box popped open. One-half to five stars. He hit 'half" on the star. The box popped up asking why he chose that rating.
"Bitch was ugly" was what he typed. He hit submit and took a drag of the Treana'ad smokestick.
The hologram appeared again before he could exhale all the way.
"What?" she asked. She looked angry, staring at Hrekkel.
"Wasn't me," Hrekkel said. He pointed at Tawtchee. "It was him."
The hologram looked at Tawtchee. "Oh, a funny guy."
"You look like someone knocked a fruit-leaper primate out of a tree with a rock, shaved it, and tried to pass it off in a brothel," Tawtchee said. "Seen better milk jugs in the chow hall dumpster."
"That's sexual harassment," the hologram snapped. "And borderline hate..."
"Blah blah blah. Give me your supervisor or I'll tell them you're racist against rodent people," Tawtchee said.
"I'll do no such thing after you harassed me. I am authorized to terminate this call," she reached forward on her desk.
"It's because I'm a veteran and a western red-whiskered Dra.Falten, isn't it?" Tawtchee blurted out. "You primates, always hating on us red-whiskers. You're just leveraging systemic racism of the system on me."
The hologram paused.
"I want to speak to your supervisor," Tawtchee said. He took a long drink and burped. "Or transfer me to the military services representative."
The hologram flickered from top to bottom.
"Better yet, transfer me to your red-whisker omnibudsman," Tawtchee said, sitting down in a chair. "I brought something to read, so I can wait."
The hologram vanished, leaving behind a bead of light.
"Well that didn't," one of the bridge crew started to say.
"Shut. Up," Tawtchee snarled.
He opened the book and started reading. Making a point of finishing the fizzybrew and getting out another one.
He was on the third before the pearl of light blossomed into the hologram again.
"A supervisor is willing to speak with you. Please identify those who wish to speak to the supervisor," the hologram asked.
He pointed out Hrekkel, Ee'eerlee'u, and Strechen.
"Prepare for supervisor interaction," the hologram said.
She suddenly smiled.
"I'm going to enjoy what is about to happen to you immensely," she said.
Everything suddenly went dark.
For everyone on the bridge, mist billowed up around all four of the scientific team. There was a loud hum that shook the entire ship. The mist tattered away into nothing.
Tawtchee was aware he was laying face down, his head to the side, in a puddle of drool and where his nose had bled. He blinked several times and his vision came back. He could see the top of the chamber. It was hexagons of armaglass with a spiral pattern inside of it. The glass was black, smokey, hiding what was inside. There was a single door with a lever-style door handle.
With a groan he pushed himself up, pulling his knees to his chest and pushing off with his arms so he could stand up.
The walls were white with gold flecks in them.
Hrekkel, Ee'eerlee'u, and Strechen were still unconscious.
Tawtchee moved to each one, waking them up, helping them sit up.
Hrekkel blinked twice at the walls and gave a low moan of fear.
"No, no no no," Ee'eerlee'u moaned. "No, please, I can't face her again."
Tawtchee didn't bother to ask who, just heaved Strechen to her feet. "We need to move," he said, heading for the door.
"I can't suffer her ministrations again," Ee'eerlee'u said, her voice full of remembered pain. "I can't."
"Worry later, move now," Tawtchee snapped. He opened the door.
A Terror stood there.
There were a half dozen behind them, all in black armor, helmets, opaque visors, carrying weapons.
But it was the one in front of him that had his attention.
Three meters tall, a meter wide. His legs were as thick as Tawtchee's waist. His arms thicker than the Dra.Falten's thighs. His eyes were blue, his hair gold and cut close to the scalp.
"Going somewhere?" the Terror asked in perfect Dra.Falten.
"Merely helping my companions," Tawtchee said. He sighed. "And I was short. Single digit super midget."
The Terror grinned. "Life just ain't fair, is it, brother?"
Tawtchee shook his head. "No. No it is not."
"I'm here to escort you to a Tier-Three Supervisor," the Terror said. He turned. "These guys are to make sure you don't do anything stupid like try to attack me."
"I forgot my main battle tank in my other pants," Tawtchee said, stepping out and following the Terror. Hrekkel and Ee'eerlee'u followed, the female holding onto the male, her head down, her knees shaking.
"Didn't come looking for a tussle, huh?" the male asked.
"No. Just got roped into some genius's plan," Tawtchee said. He gave a heartfelt sigh, ignoring the tremors of gut wrenching terror making his stomach twist. "Now everything's all sideways. There's always some smart guy that has complicate everything."
"Ain't that the truth," the Terror said.
Strechen stood up, lifting her arm from Tawtchee's shoulders. She wanted to scream at him to not act like everything was a personal trial and burden.
But her voice was caught in her throat at the sight of the armored and heavily armed Terrors flanking them.
"Is it far? I really could use a fizzybrew," Tawtchee said.
"Not far," the Terror said. He stopped in front of a door. "Right here, as a matter of fact." He touched a panel next to the door and it slid open.
A female Terror sat behind a desk. There was some decorations, a cup with writing implements in it, a holofield projector, and a nameplate.
T3 Supervisor Aisling Goodmorrow was on the plate.
There was also four chairs.
"I take it I'm dealing with the one in front?" the Terror female asked.
"He's the most talkative," the male said, shrugging.
"Thank you," the female said. She looked at the Dra.Falten. "Have a seat."
"No charge," the male said, leaving the room.
Tawtchee took a seat. He ignored that two of the armored Terrors took up places at the back wall, one on either side of the door.
The sound of them moving their fire selector levers was loud and Tawtchee noted that he didn't hear capacitors charging.
Hrekkel and Ee'eerlee'u took seats next to Strechen.
"All right. I won't pretend I'm expecting paperwork from any of you," the Terror said. "What brought you here?"
Tawtchee gave a shrug. "From my point of view? A set of orders, a threat of summary execution, then some travel aboard a space ship following something called the Path of the Traveler."
"That explains the ID codes that Magnus, Surcsee, and Hateful-Code left on your ship," she pointed a writing implement at Tawtchee, "And you, but not why you are here," Aisling stated.
"Something about the Path Less Traveled," Tawtchee admitted. He made a motion behind him. "They had all the answers, but something about where we appeared freaked them out."
The female Terror looked at them. "Why?"
"She is not here, is she?" Ee'eerlee'u asked, her voice full of fear. She put her hands over her eyes. "I cannot bear to even gaze upon her visage again."
The female Terror was silent for a moment. "No. No, she is not. I know who you refer to. Is that who set you upon this quest?"
Hrekkel nodded, blinking and swallowing, trying to control his terror.
"Explain," the female Terror said/ordered, staring Tawtchee in the eyes.
It all came tumbling out. The last few firefights. Getting press ganged into a mad journey. The state of the Empire. How Hrekkel stated that some worlds were falling out of contact. His meetings with the other Guardians. How the Confederacy had withdrawn and shrank over the last thousand years. How something called the Mar-gite had apparently attacked the Confederacy and devoured much of it.
The female Terror listened to it all, jotting down notes.
When she asked him to point out which worlds on the star-chart, he didn't hesitate, even though he knew he was giving the Terror the approximate borders of the Empire.
The Terror got up, moving around the starfield, looking at it. After a moment, she sat down.
"And that brought us here, to you," Tawtchee finished.
The Terror nodded slowly. "To Tír Tairngire."
"To here," Tawtchee said.
"Your nation had been at war, attacking and attempting to forcibly settle Confederate claimed worlds," the Terror said. "Yet you come here, on this, the day of my cat's quinceanera, to ask this favor of me."
He didn't know what a cat or a quinceanera was, but Tawtchee nodded.
"Despite the fact that we founded the Confederacy, that they are our allies and war blooded brethren before you even mastered space travel," the Terror said.
Tawtchee pointed at the star map. "Mx. Goodmorrow, I'm a soldier. That's all I've ever been, and I can tell you, what is taking bites out of the Dra.Falten Empire either is or will be taking bites from the Confederacy also."
He took a deep breath and jumped.
"I don't care why you vanished after the Second Precursor War. I don't care why you ran off and hid from the rest of the galaxy thirty, forty, even fifty thousand years ago or whatever. I don't care why you're hiding inside this nebula from your friends," Tawtchee said. "What I do know, is that if I do nothing, hundreds of millions of males like me will be killed on the battlefield, their DNA catalogued for the records, and then," he took a deep breath. "And then they will cease to exist and their lives will have never mattered in any way as the Empire is devoured. Not conquered, devoured."
The female Terror leaned back in her chair.
"There it is," she said softly. "There, Tawtchee, you are."
He blinked.
"What you really care about," she said. She nodded, her eyes slowly starting to glow a hot amber. "You do not want to see tens of millions die in a war they cannot win, be devoured when they lose."
Tawtchee nodded. "The universe hates us enough, I will not stand by and watch as the universe devours my people and laughs at me."
"I will return you to your ship," she said. She tapped her desk and a panel slid back. A red button rose out of the desk.
"What about..." Tawtchee said.
"I am empowered to send a task force with you. It will be small, ten to twenty ships," she said. She gave a smile. "Only fifty to seventy-five warriors per ship."
Tawtchee sunk down, almost deflating. "That will do nothing."
The female smiled, her eyes slowly beginning to glow red.
"You're right. It is time humanity stopped hiding," she said. She bared her teeth in a smile.
All the teeth.
"Let the galactic spur remember us as we write our names in the heaven's in blood and fire."
"But..." Hrekkel started to say.
She pressed the button.
Everything went black.
-----
They'd found themselves face down in the gym, with one of the Way of the Means troopers poking Strechen in the back with a stick.
They'd gotten to their feet and slowly made their way to the bridge. In the lift they ran into Ee'eerlee'u and Hrekkel.
Hrekkel dry heaved several times and Ee'eerlee'u's shirt was soaked with sweat.
Tawtchee was curious as to what could invoke such a terrified response in the two, but figured that it wasn't exactly the time or place to ask.
When they moved onto the bridge, it was bustling with activity.
"Status report?" Hrekkel coughed.
"We were given instructions to return the way we came, that we would be met outside the nebula," the XO said. "They fired a near-C velocity salvo near us from an unknown point and activated the shell's self-destruct less than five hundred kilometers from us."
"You are following their instructions?" Hrekkel asked. He half collapsed into the chair.
The XO nodded.
"Let's go. I want to be far from this place, Hrekkel," Ee'eerlee'u said.
Hrekkel just nodded.
"Let's go."
-----
The small explorer ship exited Transit Space according to the instructions.
Hrekkel sat next to Tawtchee on the bridge, staring at the forward viewscreen as it cleared to show glimmering stars.
"Entrance into Realspace successful," the XO said.
"I thought I was over it. That I could handle it," he said for the hundredth time since he had told Tawtchee what had happened when the mythical Detainee had kidnapped him.
"Everyone has their breaking point," Tawtchee said. He stared at the screen. "Maybe the other path?"
"Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps this is a fool's err..." Hrekkel stared to say.
The roar echoed off of everything, roared through the speakers, howled from the very air.
FÁG AN BEALACH TÁ BRISTEOIR FÁINNE TAGTHA
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]

So I'm rewatching The Fosters again and I got to the episode where Mariana is having her quinceanera. I think this is the first time we ever see Lena's mom in the series. But in the episode, Lena tells Dana that part of the reason they're throwing Mariana the quinceanera is so she can connect with her heritage and make up for Lena not being able to relate to her heritage because she is biracial.
Dana then explains that Lena has a different experience than black women in America because she is biracial and that she'll never understand what it is like to be a black woman in America.
I think while her delivery was wrong in the fact that she invalidated Lena's feelings, a lot of what Dana said was true. I think that Dana was unfairly villainized by Lena throughout the show when it came to race. Many of the ideologies that Dana had about race were somewhat true and probably stem from misogynoir that she has experienced in her life.
Being that the show was written in 2013 and even 10/11 years ago, the viewpoint on race was a lot different than it is now, I think that the writers never handled Dana and Lena's disagreements on race properly at all. I don't think that Lena ever realized that her mom did have a different experience and it is part of the reason as to why she is the way she is. Obviously, as the child, it's not necessarily Lena's responsibility to cater to her mother's feelings, but I think the show just handled it very wrong. I think it could have been a great topic to touch on if it was handled well.
Ultimately, biracial people, especially lighter ones have a different experience than Black people. From colorism, texturism, and featurism, their experience is different. Lightskin people are often praised for having loser hair textures and lighter skin whereas darkskin people are discriminated against for having the opposite. I think Lena never grasps this concept from her mom and Dana never understands that while trying to explain this to Lena, she is alienating her.
It's like the writers put their disagreements about race at the forefront of their relationship. While Dana's dismissive attitude towards Lena and invalidation of her feelings, which I think is the real problem in their relationship, was made a secondary issue.

I used to be the best of friends with this girl we'll call her...Jaime. Jaime and I met in our freshman year of high school. She and I were some of the only people who would attend school when it first opened up after Covid. We became best friends fast. We had a lot of things in common, we liked the same shows and the same sense of fashion, and she was even a dama at my Quinceanera. She was the only person from school that I'd invited. We would tell each other everything. In our sophomore year, she unfortunately got into a car accident and I was there for her as much as I could be. I visited her a couple of times, I got her gifts, I informed her bf, and I had my entire church praying for her to get better. While she was homebound, I joined a group of friends who seemed so loving and caring at the time. They helped me get through the time that Jaime wasn't there. When Jaime returned to school later that year, she seemed a bit distant, but I understood that maybe she just wanted to be with her bf because they were apart for a long while. When they eventually broke up, I was there for her, I supported her and so did the friend group that I had joined. She seemed to be getting better and everything seemed happy for a while. Junior year, she started to not really enjoy being a part of the friend group and wanted out. I understood her pov but I was pretty close to them and to her, I was torn but I just told her to give them a chance and maybe they'll warm up to her, but if they didn't I'd happily leave with her. Senior year came and we started the year great, we were always together and we had a blast doing things together. about two months into the year though, we had a fight over a guy but I didn't want to let a stupid guy come between our friendship so I dropped the guy and apologized to her. She accepted the apology and things were back to the way things were. Then all of a sudden she stopped talking to me, she stopped texting me, she started ignoring me in the hallways, and she was hanging out with our other friends a lot more. At first, I went around asking the other girls if they had known if I upset her in any way, I wanted to know what I did wrong. But then she broke girl code and started going out with one of our other friend's ex. It kinda took me off guard, I mean I'm glad she's happy, but our other friend wasn't really okay with it and it didn't seem like Jaime cared. I wasn't okay with the relationship either, but not my circus, not my monkeys. I wasn't going to say anything. It's not like she and I were on talking terms either. I can't exactly apologize for something that I don't know I did. Recently one of the girls that used to be friends with me and is now the besties with Jaime texted me out of the blue asking me how I was feeling. Honestly, I was still coming to terms with the fact that this girl who I viewed as a sister turned her back on me so quickly and without warning. I didn't know what else to say but that I was hurting at the loss of that sister and still trying to come to terms with the fact that I don't think I want her back even if she wanted to be friends again. I thought it was weird though, that this girl was texting me, she never does. I didn't mind it though. The following days Jaime started acting very nice towards me. She would actually include me in conversations, she would acknowledge my presence, and she was even talking to me like nothing ever happened. It's kind of unnerving. Would I be the Ahole if I didn't want to be friends with her again?

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/tabadmanners and u/ThrowRAbadmanners2. He posted in AmItheAsshole and relationship_advice
There was a previous BORU post with the first two posts by u/matthewsmugmanager here. The newest posts are marked with **** and are over a year later.
Thanks to u/missxmonstera and u/burnt-----toast for the rec
Mood Spoiler: ooooooof I want to bang my head against a wall
Original Post: August 1, 2022
Hi everyone, using a throwaway because I don’t want this on my main but I would like an outside opinion.
My fiancée “Lola” and I have been together for five years (engaged for a little over a year) and we have twins (boy and girl, 2.5). Our wedding is in two months.
Lola usually takes care of feeding the kids in the morning since I work early, and so I never noticed this until recently. I took a week vacation from work to just spend time at home with my kids and Lola and started to notice something that bothered me.
Lola has been teaching our kids bad table manners and sees nothing wrong with it. I hadn’t noticed this before, as they don’t eat this type of food for lunch/dinnesnacks or eat it all the time so I guess I just missed it as I wasn’t home or she fed them other things on the weekends.
This morning I was helping Lola make breakfast and then I got the kids ready while she brought their food out for them. As they were getting ready to eat, I noticed they didn’t have forks/spoons so I told Lola I would get them and she said there was “no need”.
I watched instead and she gave the kids tortillas that she ripped into pieces and they were using their bare hands to grab the food using the pieces of the tortilla. I asked her what she was doing and that she should be giving them utensils but she seemed shocked that I was concerned and said that’s how they always eat it.
I told her that she was teaching them bad manners and making them think it was okay to just grab food with their hands. She told me they do that anyway when they have chips or grapes or tacos and pizza and listed a bunch of other snacks and fast food you eat without utensils but I pointed out that those things are usually made to be eaten quickly or on the road (like fast food) so utensils aren’t needed.
She said I was being offensive by calling her way of eating gross and saying it was having bad manners, but I do think it’s gross to see someone grabbing at food with their bare hands like that. She said she grew up eating like that and would always use tortillas to eat things like eggs or meat/rice/beans and that it wasn’t gross because she always made the kids wash their hands before they ate.
I ended up giving my kids forks for them to eat which they didn’t want to use, which made me even more frustrated with her because now they’re used to this.
Lola has been really annoyed the rest of the day and wouldn’t let me help her with lunch, and earlier she was walking around the house speaking to someone (probably her sister) in spanish about me and i’m starting to feel a bit annoyed.
AITA?
EDIT: wow lots of replies quickly. They seem to be mixed so far but I will add in that the kids CAN use utensils and use them with foods like soups/pastas/etc, I just fear that allowing them to continue using their hands will make them used to it.
Relevant Comments:
You're not wrong for wanting to teach them to be able to use utensils, but the way you went about it was terrible:
"To be clear, they can use utensils I just think that allowing them not to will make them used to eating with their bare hands and then they’ll try it with someone that CANT be eaten that way, say soup or spaghetti for example."
"They do use utensils when eating other things like pasta/soup/etc"
So like... what's the problem then?
"I think it’s bad manners and a little unhygienic"
What does 'bad manners' mean? In this case it just sounds like it annoys you. And unhygienic? They've washed their hands.
"What if you went to to a restaurant and saw people grabbing at all the food with their hands and fists and shoving it in their mouths? would you not consider that bad manners?"
Info, is your fiancée a POC? Is it a cultural thing?
"She is not of color. She is mexican but very pale with green eyes"
"Lola is not brown. She is Mexican but she is white"
Mexicans aren't white no matter how fair skinned they are.
"There are white Latinos, which my wife is. If you looked at her you would not think she is Mexican."
OOP is voted YTA
Update Post: August 4, 2022 (3 days later)
Hello (again). I’m hoping so follow all the rules so this doesn’t get deleted or anything but I wanted to post a quick update because I got a big fat reality check yesterday.
I admit that at first I was annoyed and defensive that everyone was ganging up on me and saying I was racist/an absent parent/ etc.
However, surprisingly enough, it was the comments who were trying to defend me and somewhat agreeing with me that ended up changing my mind. At first I was mainly focusing on the 2-3 comments in my defense but as I read more of them I started to realize that they WERE sounding racist/disrespectful and then I realized the rest of you were right, and that is what I sounded like in my post.
There were a few comments saying something like “In America that is not normal” but we are not in America and hearing people say that to me while defending me was shocking to say the least. I don’t want to be one of those people who goes around telling people that they need to speak a certain language or do a certain thing because of where they happen to be.
I showed my wife the post and she saw a lot of your disrespectful comments agreeing with me calling her way of eating unhygienic and she said they sounded like me which made me realize I was an asshole.
For those asking if I had never seen my wife eat like that: no i hadn’t and I asked her why she never did even though she said i she grew up doing it. She told me how a few months into our relationship I had made a comment about someone in a film being “poor and weird” for eating food with their hands. I do remember having said this and it is something that I should not have said. She said that is why she didn’t eat like that in front of me but she thought I wouldn’t mind if our kids did, as they are toddlers and toddlers regularly eat with their hands.
I am doing a lot of self reflection and have apologized deeply to my wife. She said she needs some time to think things through after seeing the post and my comments as well as everyone’s comments, which I fully respect.
Thanks everyone for your insight.
*****Update Post 2: January 9, 2024 (1.5 years later)****\*
Title: My (M32) fiancee (F32) suddenly doesn't want to marry me anymore because of a disagreement we had a year ago. What now?
Hi everyone. I've been with my fiancee "Lola" for almost 7 years now and we've been engaged for 2 of those years. We have twins together (M&F, 3) and I thought we were happy.
About a year ago we had a small fight/disagreement about how she was raising our kids, but after receiving some feedback from Reddit, I was able to see that I was in the wrong and I was being incredibly offensive toward my wife (this was on a different account that I lost the info for, but everyone was very helpful so thanks again). I apologized and she seemed to accept my apology, and I thought things were back to normal after all of that. She seemed to be her normal self again and we didn't argue/disagree about that topic anymore. In fact, we hadn't had even a minor disagreement for months after that. I thought we were happy.
Well, we were originally planning to get married last year (October of 2023) but she ended up changing her mind and saying she wanted to push back the wedding a bit. I was a bit confused and she wouldn't really elaborate on why, she just said it was stressful to plan a wedding with toddlers and she needed some time so I agreed.
Well, she just dropped a bomb on me out of nowhere a few days ago when she randomly stated that she doesn't think she wants to get married anymore. This was heartbreaking to hear, of course, and I asked that we sit and talk it out. She ended up telling me that she doesn't think we are compatible (after 7 years?) and that she thinks we should go our own ways and co-parent. I'm devastated. I pressed for more information, like what made you realize this? And why now? And she basically said that she felt like I didn't really "know" her and that I didn't want to know her. I thought this was ridiculous! I know everything about her! I know her favorite color, movie, and song, I know her favorite food, I can read her body language extremely well! I DO know her, we've been together for years! She said a few more things and apparently, she's been thinking over our relationship since that fight happened a year ago. She said it was "eye-opening" for her, and that when I let her see the post and she looked through all the comments, she realized things about me that she had swept under the rug for years and blown off as one-time issues. She went on a whole schpiel about all these things she had realized about me and how she didn't think we should be together anymore.
I don't even know what she means. I think I zoned out for most of her rant because I was so blindsided and hurt by this that I was trying not to break down in tears. I offered to go to couples counseling and individual counseling but she said it was too late and that I should have done that/offered that a year ago when this all blew up. I don't even know what to do now, and I think it's a bit unfair for her to put all of that on me. Just because I didn't think of therapy after a minor disagreement A YEAR AGO I'm no longer someone she wants to marry? Thats insane.
I don't know what to do. How can I get her to give me another chance to see that I still love her and we can make this work? What can I say to make her change her mind? I'm so lost and I don't know what to do.
EDIT: I think it might be a good idea to link the original post with the details of our disagreement as some people are asking for the details and accusing me of avoiding the question so the post can be found here
EDIT: I feel that you all have given me a lot to think about and reflect on. Thank you. I will no longer be replying to comments.
Relevant Comments: (There are a lot. I tried to include the ones that were most relevant)
Someone responds to OOP when he questions why she would wait a year:
Commenter: Probably bc she was trying to reconcile her conflicting feelings and trying to make it work. With time and reflection, she's realized that that incident you previously posted about (as well as many others) changed the way she sees and feels about you when all added up. It sounds like you didnt make a sincere effort to learn about and understand her culture, which is likely what makes her feel like you dont know her. It sounds like she's tried really hard to ignore her doubt and keep it together bc there is love there and you have children together but she's realized she's only been dragging out the inevitable.
You made racist comments about heher culture my guy. Its understandable that those kinds of things have the potential to fester and become looming issues. Even if you stopped making them, you were the type of person to make them in the first place and she may have spent the past year wondering if you still felt that way but were just holding your tongue.
OOP: Well I did learn that the part of her culture that I insulted was just a way of doing things and I corrected my actions. You're right that I didn't actively go out and learn every single thing about her culture but she didn't bring that up either so I'm not sure what I could have done.
You could have taken an active role in learning about her culture:
"Yes bit it is HER culture, right? Like, wouldn't it be the default for her to be the one to teach me if I don't know about it? Like when you go to school, you are taught things by the person who knows about them. It's not like they make you go out and learn it yourself on the internet right? If she wanted me to be more active and involved/learn more, why not help with that or teach me more?"
Yeah but it's also a culture YOUR children share???
"Well I wouldn't expect her to teach our children my culture, so I just figured that she would teach them hers and I would mine."
"This is harsh but I think you are right. I never really thought about how I was also being racist to my children and that breaks my heart."
You need her to hold your hand with teaching you all of this?
"I don't mean that I needed her to tell me what to do but I just don't understand what people mean when they say I should have learned about it myself. Its not my culture and she didn't discuss it with me. I didn't even know I as being offensive in the argument we had. Am I just supposed to google "Is ____ offensive to ___ culture" for every action?"
Maybe she wanted someone to take an ACTIVE interest in her culture instead of just passively waiting:
Okay, I think I understand what people are saying now. You don't think that is a little bit manipulative though? I'm not trying to be malicious or offensive I am honestly asking. Like if you had an issue with your partnetheir actions, you don't think it's a bit manipulative to never bring it up and just expect them to read your mind/know there is an issue and fix this issue (that they don't know about) by themselves somehow? Or am I being naive?
Zoning out:
"I don't normally zone out, I just meant I was in shock at that time.
It was a bit deal and I apologized and addressed the issue. I didn't just drop it, I learned from my mistake and from being roasted by reddit on the post. I admitted my failures and I apologized and she seemed to accept the apology and it was never brought up again. I did work to repair the damage, as I apologized and understood that I was being ignorant and racist and I did not want to be that person. I realized that I was erasing and judging part of my children's culture and I did want them to be involved and I wanted my wife to keep teaching them about her culture as well.
I will be getting individual therapy and I hope I can make it up to her."
It's done. Counseling wouldn't have worked anyway because you only admitted you were wrong once reddit told you:
"Well she never told me that I was being disrespectful and I didn't really know it was important to her culture. Once I realized that I apologized to her."
Similar to the above, one more exchange:
Commenter: Do you think that coming to reddit (which is typically a male dominated forum) and deciding you were an asshole to her only because perfect strangers said you were, instead of believing your literal fiancée that you were hurting/being an asshole to her, contributed? Because I sure do.
OOP: I never thought of it this way. I had a similar realization in my last post, as a lot of the people who were defending me were doing so by sending my really racist messages, like explicitly racist/using slurs to describe people from her culture, which is what gave me a wake up call about my actions being wrong, but I didn't really think about the gender of the users here.
Editor's note: There's one more longer comment exchange that would take up too much space, but here it is if you're interested.
Update Post 3: January 15, 2024 (6 days later)
Hi everyone. This will likely be the last post I make about this situation as everything seems to be final now. This one is made with my ex's permission and she will read over it beforehand, as she thinks I am an unreliable narrator.
First of all, we have broken up. She gave me back the ring even though I said she didn't have to and she could pawn it and keep the money. She didn't want to do that and gave it back to me. I think I will pawn it myself and give her the money since she has moved out of the house. She moved in with her brother and his partner, who was actually able to get her a job where he works and she is apparently starting next week. We will split our time with the kids since she said she was able to get shifts that align with my schedule (I have a pretty flexible schedule but I just prefer to work the same days/times every week) so we will trade off the kids when each of us is at work and we are going to split the weekends. We are going to get a custody agreement but we talked about it and agreed to 50/50 and we are both going to be cooperative as I don't want to stress her out and I do want to see my kids.
I will also be brushing up on Mexican culture so that I am able to participate in things with my children and I am looking to take some Spanish classes as well so I can communicate with them in both languages.
I showed my wife (editor's note- this is a mis-type by OOP) the last post the day after I made it and she read it over and read all my comments and a lot of the other comments. She took like two days to do this. Afterward, she said she wanted to talk and asked me if I was serious when I claimed that I thought she wanted to break up because of the one fight about the food. I said yes, because I was serious and did think that, and she said she couldn't believe me. I asked her to elaborate and she got very mad and asked me if I was really so oblivious to my own actions. I realized that I probably have been oblivious to my own actions, and that I've been selfish and she kind blew up and said something and asked me if I "needed a fucking list" so I could see all of the shit I've been doing. I told her I would appreciate if she could communicate some of the issues, and there was no need for a list but she said that a list would probably lessen the chances of me losing focus while she went on a rant (ouch, but deserved). We ended up having a long talk about it and she wanted me to include this in the post, so I will add it below:
(Note that these are just things that happened since the fight about the food)
-When one of her nieces had a quinceanera, I kept calling it a sweet sixteen. She said she explained to me multiple times that they were different, had different meanings, differed cultural significance, and had different practices. She said I still called it a sweet sixteen when I would talk to people about it or mention it. She said I also embarrassed her at the party because she felt that I was making fun of how her relatives were dancing.
-I (to this day) sometimes call her Spanish instead of Hispanic/Latina/Mexican. She said there is a big difference and me slipping up and forgetting is bs.
-When she was pregnant with the twins, I told her she could give them names that are pronounced in Spanish so that her non-English speaking family could say them easily and also since they are half Mexican. We agreed that she could, so long as I could choose which name was final. She said that I have not held up my end of the deal, and that when we were at Christmas with her family in December, I "obsessively" corrected her family members when they pronounced our daughter's name "Eh-leh-na" (Elena) and kept saying it "Uh-lay-nuh". According to her, I did this more than 6 times that night and she stopped keeping count.
-I didn't 'let' her feed our kids some Mexican stew she had made because it looked spicy (I genuinely thought it was). She said she told me she hadn't used spicy peppers, but that night I fed them something else before the soup was done and she said I disrespected her and her parenting skills.
-She feels like she is not allowed to listen to her music/any Spanish music because I will complain or change the song. She said she can only listen to her music when I am not home, otherwise I will always change it within a few seconds.
She said there were other smaller examples but these are the bigger ones that she had already mentioned/brought up before and nothing had changed. When I asked her why she stayed with me for so long or why she didn't mention these things more, she said that she's always had low self-esteem and she thought that I was a good person/partner other than these things so she always talked herself out of a break up, but she was just over it now.
The things she listed off really opened my eyes and made me realize how selfish and unaware I've been, and I know that I need to change. I apologized to her and I know it won't change her mind but that's okay, I just want her to know that I do regret my actions.
I'm not going to ignore her or grey rock her like some people were suggesting, as I want to remain amicable for our children. I want us to have good communication, as I don't want our kids to grow up with parents who hate each other and can't have a simple conversation. Thank you to everyone who left comments, especially the ones who were harsh.
(I also want to correct a typo in my last post where I said we were going to get married in Oct of 2023. It should have read Oct of 2022.)

Do NOT comment on OOP's posts or dm him. You will be banned from this sub and put this entire sub in jeopardy.

I am not OOP. The OOP is u/tabadmanners and u/ThrowRAbadmanners2 posting in AmItheAsshole and relationship_advice respectively
2 updates - medium
Content warning - racism, absentee parent
Original - 1st August 2022 on AmItheAsshole
Update 1 - 4th August 2022
Update 2 - 9th January 2024 on relationship_advice
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1 New Update
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Update 3 - 15th January 2024 on his user account
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AITA for demanding my fiancée stop teaching our kids bad manners?
​
Hi everyone, using a throwaway because I don’t want this on my main but I would like an outside opinion.
My fiancée “Lola” and I have been together for five years (engaged for a little over a year) and we have twins (boy and girl, 2.5). Our wedding is in two months.
Lola usually takes care of feeding the kids in the morning since I work early, and so I never noticed this until recently. I took a week vacation from work to just spend time at home with my kids and Lola and started to notice something that bothered me.
Lola has been teaching our kids bad table manners and sees nothing wrong with it. I hadn’t noticed this before, as they don’t eat this type of food for lunch/dinnesnacks or eat it all the time so I guess I just missed it as I wasn’t home or she fed them other things on the weekends.
This morning I was helping Lola make breakfast and then I got the kids ready while she brought their food out for them. As they were getting ready to eat, I noticed they didn’t have forks/spoons so I told Lola I would get them and she said there was “no need”.
I watched instead and she gave the kids tortillas that she ripped into pieces and they were using their bare hands to grab the food using the pieces of the tortilla. I asked her what she was doing and that she should be giving them utensils but she seemed shocked that I was concerned and said that’s how they always eat it.
I told her that she was teaching them bad manners and making them think it was okay to just grab food with their hands. She told me they do that anyway when they have chips or grapes or tacos and pizza and listed a bunch of other snacks and fast food you eat without utensils but I pointed out that those things are usually made to be eaten quickly or on the road (like fast food) so utensils aren’t needed.
She said I was being offensive by calling her way of eating gross and saying it was having bad manners, but I do think it’s gross to see someone grabbing at food with their bare hands like that. She said she grew up eating like that and would always use tortillas to eat things like eggs or meat/rice/beans and that it wasn’t gross because she always made the kids wash their hands before they ate.
I ended up giving my kids forks for them to eat which they didn’t want to use, which made me even more frustrated with her because now they’re used to this.
Lola has been really annoyed the rest of the day and wouldn’t let me help her with lunch, and earlier she was walking around the house speaking to someone (probably her sister) in spanish about me and i’m starting to feel a bit annoyed.
AITA?
EDIT: wow lots of replies quickly. They seem to be mixed so far but I will add in that the kids CAN use utensils and use them with foods like soups/pastas/etc, I just fear that allowing them to continue using their hands will make them used to it.
​
Verdict: YTA
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Update 1 - 3 days later
​
Hello (again). I’m hoping so follow all the rules so this doesn’t get deleted or anything but I wanted to post a quick update because I got a big fat reality check yesterday.
I admit that at first I was annoyed and defensive that everyone was ganging up on me and saying I was racist/an absent parent/ etc.
However, surprisingly enough, it was the comments who were trying to defend me and somewhat agreeing with me that ended up changing my mind. At first I was mainly focusing on the 2-3 comments in my defense but as I read more of them I started to realize that they WERE sounding racist/disrespectful and then I realized the rest of you were right, and that is what I sounded like in my post.
There were a few comments saying something like “In America that is not normal” but we are not in America and hearing people say that to me while defending me was shocking to say the least. I don’t want to be one of those people who goes around telling people that they need to speak a certain language or do a certain thing because of where they happen to be.
I showed my wife the post and she saw a lot of your disrespectful comments agreeing with me calling her way of eating unhygienic and she said they sounded like me which made me realize I was an asshole.
For those asking if I had never seen my wife eat like that: no i hadn’t and I asked her why she never did even though she said i she grew up doing it. She told me how a few months into our relationship I had made a comment about someone in a film being “poor and weird” for eating food with their hands. I do remember having said this and it is something that I should not have said. She said that is why she didn’t eat like that in front of me but she thought I wouldn’t mind if our kids did, as they are toddlers and toddlers regularly eat with their hands.
I am doing a lot of self reflection and have apologized deeply to my wife. She said she needs some time to think things through after seeing the post and my comments as well as everyone’s comments, which I fully respect.
Thanks everyone for your insight.
​
Update 2: 1 year later on relationship_advice
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Hi everyone. I've been with my fiancee "Lola" for almost 7 years now and we've been engaged for 2 of those years. We have twins together (M&F, 3) and I thought we were happy.
About a year ago we had a small fight/disagreement about how she was raising our kids, but after receiving some feedback from Reddit, I was able to see that I was in the wrong and I was being incredibly offensive toward my wife (this was on a different account that I lost the info for, but everyone was very helpful so thanks again). I apologized and she seemed to accept my apology, and I thought things were back to normal after all of that. She seemed to be her normal self again and we didn't argue/disagree about that topic anymore. In fact, we hadn't had even a minor disagreement for months after that. I thought we were happy.
Well, we were originally planning to get married last year (October of 2023) but she ended up changing her mind and saying she wanted to push back the wedding a bit. I was a bit confused and she wouldn't really elaborate on why, she just said it was stressful to plan a wedding with toddlers and she needed some time so I agreed.
Well, she just dropped a bomb on me out of nowhere a few days ago when she randomly stated that she doesn't think she wants to get married anymore. This was heartbreaking to hear, of course, and I asked that we sit and talk it out. She ended up telling me that she doesn't think we are compatible (after 7 years?) and that she thinks we should go our own ways and co-parent. I'm devastated.
I pressed for more information, like what made you realize this? And why now? And she basically said that she felt like I didn't really "know" her and that I didn't want to know her. I thought this was ridiculous! I know everything about her! I know her favorite color, movie, and song, I know her favorite food, I can read her body language extremely well! I DO know her, we've been together for years!
She said a few more things and apparently, she's been thinking over our relationship since that fight happened a year ago. She said it was "eye-opening" for her, and that when I let her see the post and she looked through all the comments, she realized things about me that she had swept under the rug for years and blown off as one-time issues. She went on a whole schpiel about all these things she had realized about me and how she didn't think we should be together anymore.
I don't even know what she means. I think I zoned out for most of her rant because I was so blindsided and hurt by this that I was trying not to break down in tears. I offered to go to couples counseling and individual counseling but she said it was too late and that I should have done that/offered that a year ago when this all blew up. I don't even know what to do now, and I think it's a bit unfair for her to put all of that on me. Just because I didn't think of therapy after a minor disagreement A YEAR AGO I'm no longer someone she wants to marry? Thats insane.
I don't know what to do. How can I get her to give me another chance to see that I still love her and we can make this work? What can I say to make her change her mind? I'm so lost and I don't know what to do.
EDIT: I think it might be a good idea to link the original post with the details of our disagreement as some people are asking for the details and accusing me of avoiding the question so the post can be found here
EDIT: I feel that you all have given me a lot to think about and reflect on. Thank you. I will no longer be replying to comments.
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A few comments from OOP in his most recent update
"When we first began dating I did notice that there were a few differences in the way we did things and holidays. The main thing I noticed was that she celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve which was different for me since I always celebrated on the 25th. I vaguely remember asking her why she did it on that day instead of the actual day and she just told me "that's when we celebrate it" but I stupidly just thought she meant that her and her family chose to celebrate that day for some reason and didn't really press it since it worked out fine: we could be with her family when they celebrated and with mine on the actual day."
"I don't think you understood or read the last post I am talking about in this one. I'm not here to say that I was wrong and that I have the right to "teach the differently". There is nothing to teach them differently. The kids CAN and have been eating with utensils this whole time. The last issue was about them eating one type of food using a tortilla and their hands. My kids can use utensils and do use them. I was unaware and ignorant towards that part of her culture, and I learned my mistake and that one issue was solved. I also don't think that the issue was inconsequential as I WAS being racist, that is not inconsequential. I was being racist towards her and our children, and I get that and apologized. My point is not that I think she took a "minor" issue and blew it out of proportion. I am upset that she didn't mention these things that she wanted me to do that (apparently to learn more about her culture) and just expected me to do that myself without knowing."
"I don't mean that I needed her to tell me what to do but I just don't understand what people mean when they say I should have learned about it myself. Its not my culture and she didn't discuss it with me. I didn't even know I as being offensive in the argument we had. Am I just supposed to google "Is ____ offensive to ___ culture" for every action?"
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**New Update Starts Here*\*
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[UPDATE] My (M32) fiancee (F32) suddenly doesn't want to marry me anymore because of a disagreement we had a year ago. What now?
​
Hi everyone. This will likely be the last post I make about this situation as everything seems to be final now. This one is made with my ex's permission and she will read over it beforehand, as she thinks I am an unreliable narrator.
First of all, we have broken up. She gave me back the ring even though I said she didn't have to and she could pawn it and keep the money. She didn't want to do that and gave it back to me. I think I will pawn it myself and give her the money since she has moved out of the house.
She moved in with her brother and his partner, who was actually able to get her a job where he works and she is apparently starting next week. We will split our time with the kids since she said she was able to get shifts that align with my schedule (I have a pretty flexible schedule but I just prefer to work the same days/times every week) so we will trade off the kids when each of us is at work and we are going to split the weekends.
We are going to get a custody agreement but we talked about it and agreed to 50/50 and we are both going to be cooperative as I don't want to stress her out and I do want to see my kids.
I will also be brushing up on Mexican culture so that I am able to participate in things with my children and I am looking to take some Spanish classes as well so I can communicate with them in both languages.
I showed my wife the last post the day after I made it and she read it over and read all my comments and a lot of the other comments. She took like two days to do this. Afterward, she said she wanted to talk and asked me if I was serious when I claimed that I thought she wanted to break up because of the one fight about the food.
I said yes, because I was serious and did think that, and she said she couldn't believe me. I asked her to elaborate and she got very mad and asked me if I was really so oblivious to my own actions. I realized that I probably have been oblivious to my own actions, and that I've been selfish and she kind blew up and said something and asked me if I "needed a fucking list" so I could see all of the shit I've been doing.
I told her I would appreciate if she could communicate some of the issues, and there was no need for a list but she said that a list would probably lessen the chances of me losing focus while she went on a rant (ouch, but deserved). We ended up having a long talk about it and she wanted me to include this in the post, so I will add it below:
(Note that these are just things that happened since the fight about the food)
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• When one of her nieces had a quinceanera, I kept calling it a sweet sixteen. She said she explained to me multiple times that they were different, had different meanings, differed cultural significance, and had different practices. She said I still called it a sweet sixteen when I would talk to people about it or mention it. She said I also embarrassed her at the party because she felt that I was making fun of how her relatives were dancing.
• I (to this day) sometimes call her Spanish instead of Hispanic/Latina/Mexican. She said there is a big difference and me slipping up and forgetting is bs.
• When she was pregnant with the twins, I told her she could give them names that are pronounced in Spanish so that her non-English speaking family could say them easily and also since they are half Mexican. We agreed that she could, so long as I could choose which name was final. She said that I have not held up my end of the deal, and that when we were at Christmas with her family in December, I "obsessively" corrected her family members when they pronounced our daughter's name "Eh-leh-na" (Elena) and kept saying it "Uh-lay-nuh". According to her, I did this more than 6 times that night and she stopped keeping count.
• I didn't 'let' her feed our kids some Mexican stew she had made because it looked spicy (I genuinely thought it was). She said she told me she hadn't used spicy peppers, but that night I fed them something else before the soup was done and she said I disrespected her and her parenting skills.
• She feels like she is not allowed to listen to her music/any Spanish music because I will complain or change the song. She said she can only listen to her music when I am not home, otherwise I will always change it within a few seconds.

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She said there were other smaller examples but these are the bigger ones that she had already mentioned/brought up before and nothing had changed. When I asked her why she stayed with me for so long or why she didn't mention these things more, she said that she's always had low self-esteem and she thought that I was a good person/partner other than these things so she always talked herself out of a break up, but she was just over it now.
The things she listed off really opened my eyes and made me realize how selfish and unaware I've been, and I know that I need to change. I apologized to her and I know it won't change her mind but that's okay, I just want her to know that I do regret my actions.
I'm not going to ignore her or grey rock her like some people were suggesting, as I want to remain amicable for our children. I want us to have good communication, as I don't want our kids to grow up with parents who hate each other and can't have a simple conversation. Thank you to everyone who left comments, especially the ones who were harsh.
(I also want to correct a typo in my last post where I said we were going to get married in Oct of 2023. It should have read Oct of 2022.)
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Comments
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MyUsernameIsMehh
That's a lot of words for "I'm racist and treated my partner like shit"
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catanddog5
Dude, you keep going on about how selfish you are (which yes you are selfish) but you haven’t once addressed the fact that a lot of the shit you pulled is also RACIST. You claim now you will be doing better for your kids sake but why now? Why not when your ex was first pregnant? Or even earlier? It’s obvious she had tried to communicate with you about this. You had years to address this but didn’t. Now it’s too late, I don’t believe that you are serious about this change.
You seem more upset that she had enough of your racist selfish ass than actually losing her. Do you really care for her at all? You claimed last post that you knew her but your actions clearly show otherwise. She can’t even listen to music that she likes without you complaining or changing? You don’t know the difference between a sweet 16 and a quincena? Or the fact that she is hispanic, not Spanish. ( which are not the same thing)
If you don’t address your racism you will hurt your kids. You will pull the same stunts and it’ll cause you to lose your kids too. Why did it take the internet(not just once either but multiple times!) for you to believe that you could be wrong when she clearly has told you what was wrong for years! You definitely don’t respect her or her family or her culture. Is it really that surprising that she is done with you?
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layla_gamer14

I will also be brushing up on Mexican culture so that I am able to participate in things with my children and I am looking to take some Spanish classes as well so I can communicate with them in both languages.

What the hell man?! Why did you not do that before for your then girlfriend's sake?! That's the bare minimum and even when you HAD KIDS you didn't see the need to learn the language they would be communicating in?! Wow I'm just astounded at the sheer oblivious behaviour not to mention the things further down the post. It is your responsibility as a parent to connect with your children and their family/your exs family and culture for heaven sakes.
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I am not OOP. Please do not harass OOP

Hi everyone. I've been with my fiancee "Lola" for almost 7 years now and we've been engaged for 2 of those years. We have twins together (M&F, 3) and I thought we were happy.
About a year ago we had a small fight/disagreement about how she was raising our kids, but after receiving some feedback from Reddit, I was able to see that I was in the wrong and I was being incredibly offensive toward my wife (this was on a different account that I lost the info for, but everyone was very helpful so thanks again). I apologized and she seemed to accept my apology, and I thought things were back to normal after all of that. She seemed to be her normal self again and we didn't argue/disagree about that topic anymore. In fact, we hadn't had even a minor disagreement for months after that. I thought we were happy.
Well, we were originally planning to get married last year (October of 2023) but she ended up changing her mind and saying she wanted to push back the wedding a bit. I was a bit confused and she wouldn't really elaborate on why, she just said it was stressful to plan a wedding with toddlers and she needed some time so I agreed.
Well, she just dropped a bomb on me out of nowhere a few days ago when she randomly stated that she doesn't think she wants to get married anymore. This was heartbreaking to hear, of course, and I asked that we sit and talk it out. She ended up telling me that she doesn't think we are compatible (after 7 years?) and that she thinks we should go our own ways and co-parent. I'm devastated. I pressed for more information, like what made you realize this? And why now? And she basically said that she felt like I didn't really "know" her and that I didn't want to know her. I thought this was ridiculous! I know everything about her! I know her favorite color, movie, and song, I know her favorite food, I can read her body language extremely well! I DO know her, we've been together for years! She said a few more things and apparently, she's been thinking over our relationship since that fight happened a year ago. She said it was "eye-opening" for her, and that when I let her see the post and she looked through all the comments, she realized things about me that she had swept under the rug for years and blown off as one-time issues. She went on a whole schpiel about all these things she had realized about me and how she didn't think we should be together anymore.
I don't even know what she means. I think I zoned out for most of her rant because I was so blindsided and hurt by this that I was trying not to break down in tears. I offered to go to couples counseling and individual counseling but she said it was too late and that I should have done that/offered that a year ago when this all blew up. I don't even know what to do now, and I think it's a bit unfair for her to put all of that on me. Just because I didn't think of therapy after a minor disagreement A YEAR AGO I'm no longer someone she wants to marry? Thats insane.
I don't know what to do. How can I get her to give me another chance to see that I still love her and we can make this work? What can I say to make her change her mind? I'm so lost and I don't know what to do.
EDIT: I think it might be a good idea to link the original post with the details of our disagreement as some people are asking for the details and accusing me of avoiding the question so the post can be found here
EDIT: I feel that you all have given me a lot to think about and reflect on. Thank you. I will no longer be replying to comments.
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UPDATE: (I tried to make this a new post but I couldn't get it to show up, so I think I might be doing something wrong.) Hi everyone. This will likely be the last post I make about this situation as everything seems to be final now. This one is made with my ex's permission and she will read over it beforehand, as she thinks I am an unreliable narrator.
First of all, we have broken up. She gave me back the ring even though I said she didn't have to and she could pawn it and keep the money. She didn't want to do that and gave it back to me. I think I will pawn it myself and give her the money since she has moved out of the house. She moved in with her brother and his partner, who was actually able to get her a job where he works and she is apparently starting next week. We will split our time with the kids since she said she was able to get shifts that align with my schedule (I have a pretty flexible schedule but I just prefer to work the same days/times every week) so we will trade off the kids when each of us is at work and we are going to split the weekends. We are going to get a custody agreement but we talked about it and agreed to 50/50 and we are both going to be cooperative as I don't want to stress her out and I do want to see my kids.I will also be brushing up on Mexican culture so that I am able to participate in things with my children and I am looking to take some Spanish classes as well so I can communicate with them in both languages.
I showed my wife the last post the day after I made it and she read it over and read all my comments and a lot of the other comments. She took like two days to do this. Afterward, she said she wanted to talk and asked me if I was serious when I claimed that I thought she wanted to break up because of the one fight about the food. I said yes, because I was serious and did think that, and she said she couldn't believe me. I asked her to elaborate and she got very mad and asked me if I was really so oblivious to my own actions. I realized that I probably have been oblivious to my own actions, and that I've been selfish and she kind blew up and said something and asked me if I "needed a fucking list" so I could see all of the shit I've been doing. I told her I would appreciate if she could communicate some of the issues, and there was no need for a list but she said that a list would probably lessen the chances of me losing focus while she went on a rant (ouch, but deserved). We ended up having a long talk about it and she wanted me to include this in the post, so I will add it below:
(Note that these are just things that happened since the fight about the food)
-When one of her nieces had a quinceanera, I kept calling it a sweet sixteen. She said she explained to me multiple times that they were different, had different meanings, differed cultural significance, and had different practices. She said I still called it a sweet sixteen when I would talk to people about it or mention it. She said I also embarrassed her at the party because she felt that I was making fun of how her relatives were dancing.
-I (to this day) sometimes call her Spanish instead of Hispanic/Latina/Mexican. She said there is a big difference and me slipping up and forgetting is bs.
-When she was pregnant with the twins, I told her she could give them names that are pronounced in Spanish so that her non-English speaking family could say them easily and also since they are half Mexican. We agreed that she could, so long as I could choose which name was final. She said that I have not held up my end of the deal, and that when we were at Christmas with her family in December, I "obsessively" corrected her family members when they pronounced our daughter's name "Eh-leh-na" (Elena) and kept saying it "Uh-lay-nuh". According to her, I did this more than 6 times that night and she stopped keeping count.
-I didn't 'let' her feed our kids some Mexican stew she had made because it looked spicy (I genuinely thought it was). She said she told me she hadn't used spicy peppers, but that night I fed them something else before the soup was done and she said I disrespected her and her parenting skills.
-She feels like she is not allowed to listen to her music/any Spanish music because I will complain or change the song. She said she can only listen to her music when I am not home, otherwise I will always change it within a few seconds.
She said there were other smaller examples but these are the bigger ones that she had already mentioned/brought up before and nothing had changed. When I asked her why she stayed with me for so long or why she didn't mention these things more, she said that she's always had low self-esteem and she thought that I was a good person/partner other than these things so she always talked herself out of a break up, but she was just over it now.
The things she listed off really opened my eyes and made me realize how selfish and unaware I've been, and I know that I need to change. I apologized to her and I know it won't change her mind but that's okay, I just want her to know that I do regret my actions.
I'm not going to ignore her or grey rock her like some people were suggesting, as I want to remain amicable for our children. I want us to have good communication, as I don't want our kids to grow up with parents who hate each other and can't have a simple conversation. Thank you to everyone who left comments, especially the ones who were harsh. (I also want to correct a typo in my last post where I said we were going to get married in Oct of 2023. It should have read Oct of 2022.)

Making this on a throwaway account because my husband uses Reddit.
I (35 f) have a daughter, (14, soon to be 15 f). We were recently invited to a quinceanera, hosted by my second cousin. She had invited us both to come but I requested if I could bring my husband. They agreed and we got ready to go to the party. Long story short, the party was beautiful, we gave the birthday girl our blessings and gifts and left after 5 hours or so. On the way home, my daughter suggested having a quinceanera for her 15th birthday which is coming up in a few months. I told her that she can't have one, that it has cultural significance to Hispanic people, and that she can have a sweet 16. She got annoyed and said that she was Latina. (To preference, I am Portuguese. Portugal is part of Europe, even though we are a Spanish-based country, we are not Hispanic.) I explained to her that she is in fact not Latina but Latin-American. She started screaming at me in the car that I couldn't deny her culture. I told her that we could talk about this at home since my husband was driving and was growing more and more irritated and distracted by this ordeal. Once we got home, my daughter stomped out of the car and into the house, calling me lots of horrible things. She screamed at me that I was "ruining her birthday" and that "she doesn't care that she isn't Latina, she just wanted a quinceanera for herself." I scolded her for yelling at me and made her aware of cultural appropriation and how it might be disrespectful to our Hispanic relatives. She just told me "to get over it and not invite them." I told her that I couldn't just do that, and how rude that would be. My husband is siding with her and doesn't see a reason why she can't have one. My husband and I argued about this which ended with him leaving the house with my daughter saying that "they are taking a break from my BS". I just don't want my Hispanic relatives to be offended by this. I contacted my second cousin, the same person who hosted the party the next day, and told her about the situation. She agreed that it was a weird request. My mother-in-law texted me an hour ago that my husband and daughter were staying with her for a while. I just want to know if I'm being reasonable and if I took it the right way.

Ok I’m an Englishmen who’s lived stateside in Minnesota for Nine years now, I’m working a Quinceanera later this week and have never DJed one, never been to one and know very little on it beyond the fact it’s a girls coming of age event and very important in Mexican culture.
Can anyone give me the low down on what to expect, how the night is organised ie I work weddings and corporate events so I know particularly with weddings how the night breaks down but I’m not sure with this.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've been wanting to know the opinion of others since I haven't told many people, so here we go.
It all started last year of December. I (15F) was hosting my Quinceanera that month and I had invited a load of my family, friends, my family's friends/coworkers, etc. We had already picked out my dress, venue place, ballroom, catering, etc. As well as all the dances with my dames and my brother and step-dad. As you could tell, pretty much everything was ready and I had already given the invites to a bunch of my friends. Keep in mind, I have friends of all different kinds of ethnic backgrounds (white, hispanic/Latino, black, mixed, middle eastern, etc.), but I just invited mostly my close friends and best friends to attend. I handed out the invites to my friends and everything goes well. The party and ceremony were great btw.
Fast foward to May of 2023, and me and my friends were talking about some other students in class since drama was arising like always. At around the end of class, one of my friends (we'll call her ash) pulls me aside to tell me something. She said that when I was handing out my invitations to my party, one girl in particular hadn't received one since I wasn't really close with her and was not a good person/influence (we'll call her May). Plus, I ran out of invites and obviously didn't have her number. May was apparently upset over the fact that she hadn't received one and was apparently ranting her rage towards Ash. Ash said that she told May I didn't need to invite her if I didn't want to, but this didn't calm her feelings anymore. May got upset because we could've quote unquote, "shared our birthdays together" since we were both born on the same day, month, and year.
Before I move on, I just want to clear some things up. I am a Mexican (from my dad)-American coming from Guatemalan-Salvadoran descent (from my mom). May is WHITE. You read that right, she is as white as can be and she's not mixed or anything like that, just straight up snow (and as an added bonus, she's blonde and blue eyed too). If you still believe I was being cruel, just keep in mind my parents spent over 12,000-20,000 DOLLARS for MY Quinceanera alone, yet May still acted like we could share it. Personally, I don't hold a grudge against her because I don't care anymore, but I'm pretty sure she does. So tell me, Reddit, was that a little too harsh?

Brief background. As I tell this, keep in mind I have 42 cousins on my mother's side. Also, those I am naming are all fake names. When my parents divorced I didn't have any contact with my father or his side of the family, this is important and I'll note it later. In the 70s when I was a young girl (I'm 54f now) I had heard my uncle Harry got married to Mable and she had already had 2 girls my age. Yay! 2 MORE girl cousins to play with! I was really excited and they were pretty cool when we met. Mable went on to have a 3rd child from Harry. Let's call the eldest girl Joan. Important note is that Mable and her two girls are white. My family is Mexican-American Hispanic.
Sometime in the 80s Harry and Mable divorced. I never saw the girls again and I would only see on the rare occasion Harry's son due to custody. Apparently Mable moved back up to Wisconsin where she was from originally. She lives there during summers now (also important) and a state in the south west during winters. I did not know that Joan kept in touch with Harry. I just assumed that when parents divorced kids always stayed with their mothers and generally tend to be around their maternal extended families. I now know that's not always true. I saw them once in the early 10s at my uncle Harry's funeral.
I reconnected with Mable and Joan on Facebook a year or two before the pandemic. Memory on timing is a bit fuzzy with that but that's not important. I'd interact with Mable in comments or posts on that social platform, however, with Joan it was always through messages, never out in the open. Joan lives in the city where my maternal external family mostly lives. When one of my cousins who lives there invited me to her daughter's quince I learned Mable would be there as well as her second daughter and her son, my uncle's child. I was excited to meet up with them as it had been decades since we spoke. I still considered her my aunt, and her two girls my cousins, along with, naturally, he son from my mother's brother.
I then messaged Joan and asked if she was going to be at the quince. I came to find out that she was not invited.
I knew something was up here at that point.
I asked her if she wanted to meet up the night before the quince since I'll be in town and she said she'd love that. I and yet another one of my female cousins showed up for drinks and dinner to meet up with Joan. This other cousin is around our age and she too misses Joan. That dinner was the night before the quince. Boy did I learn just how awful Mable was to Joan.
Mable had Joan at 17. I believe she married the father but left when he got abusive. She had her second child with a completely different man. When that girl was just older than a toddler that's when she met and married my uncle Harry, then went on to have Harry's son. She's got no other children. She is married now to someone else now who I have since met.
Joan grew up horrifically physically abused by Mable. She was the punching bag. Joan specifically said, "I was the scapegoat." My heart sink for her. She said she kept in touch with Harry because he was the only man her mother had in her life that actually valued her, respected her, and treated her like his own. He did that with her sister too even though they were not biologically his. When she'd run away from home she'd call him and he'd come get her. He couldn't do much because he never adopted her.
Joan is obviously no contact with her mother and sister and her relationship with her brother is tense. He does tend to defend his mother and sister. It's completely a narcissistic family system. Joan started in on some of the abuse she endured when I stopped her and said she doesn't have to tell me anything she doesn't want to. I believe her, zero questions on my part. She looked at me so relieved. Our other female cousin there also believed her. I think Joan was relieved because I think she felt the need to justify her no contact. The tone of her voice reminded me of mine when I felt I had to justify my no contact with nosey people. It's why I stopped her immediately.
One thing I noted from that dinner. Joan told me that when Mable and Harry divorced, as she put it, "Then the smear campaign of started." How we were an awful family, a bunch of "wet backs" and that we were too stupid to better ourselves. My mother's family was a poor family, but most of us grew up normal and ok lives (I wasn't one of them, however), and even I have done very well for myself considering my extreme poverty childhood. So, you know, your average everyday racist abuser, NBD.
At the quince the next day I couldn't look at "aunt" Mable the same. I just couldn't. I did go over (this is something to note: YOU go to the narc, capisce?) to her table and talk to her. I also noted that everyone went to her, she didn't move from her seat at all, except maybe to go to the restroom.
Joan knows I have contact with her mother. I was honest with her. I also told her that I'd respect her no contact boundaries and I also know not to speak to either of them about either of them. In fact, Mable does not know I have contact with Joan.
My husband and I, for the last few years, have taken time off to travel the country with road trips. We also do rallies. 2 years ago we were in Michigan for a scavenger hunt rally. We started in Eau Claire, WI and ended up in Holland, MI. I made a post on my FB page about heading back up to the U.P. after the rally because my husband and I fell in love with it. Mable saw the post and she said she lived near and within a small driving distance in Wisconsin. She said she wanted to meet up with us and invited us to her house, stay a night even if we wanted to. I said sure! Since our plans were fluid I'd contact her when we got back up there. She said anytime, just let her know.
So I did.
She was busy.
Apparently plans from her husband's friends came up and they were going to that.
Really?
If you're a frequenter on the just no MIL sub, you'll see this dynamic time and again. Offers of getting together "whenever, just let me know!" and when you do, they can't make it.
I let it go. We didn't really want to go to Wisconsin but would have to meet up with Mable but as you can see, that didn't happen.
Fast forward to this week and it's after another scavenger hunt rally that ended elsewhere but we're back in the U.P. on our way to another spot we want to visit with hard set prepaid lodging dates. Honestly, I had never even though to hit up "aunt" Mable for a visit. Again, we're not really interested in Wisconsin, we've been there already. I made a post about where we were and Mable responded with this: " Nice. Once again, you're fairly close to us. "
That "once again" rubbed me the wrong way. I sat on that and thought that it really felt like our having missed a meet up last was my fault and that it will be my fault, "once again," if we didn't meet up. It honestly felt passive aggressive and I don't fall for passive-aggressive comments. I figured that she's not a good person anyway so I should block her when I didn't.
I had to think about it.
I made a post yesterday about feelings and triggers and what they mean. I was triggered by the "once again" by Mable and immediately saw it for the passive-aggressive nature that phrase felt like, even though they were "only" words in a comment on my post. I thought that if I didn't block Mable I wouldn't be honoring my feelings and triggers if I ignored it. I had seen a few of her other passive aggressive comments on other people's posts through the years and blew it off only because we don't really have much of a relationship.
A few hours later when I realized, WTF am I doing having to think about blocking someone I know is an awful person? Someone who abused her daughter so horribly that her daughter hasn't spoken to her since she was 18 and she was able to get away, why do I have to think about it. When I realized how stupid I was being, I immediately blocked Mable.
I'm still in contact with Joan. I'm not telling her that I have blocked her mother - I want to respect her boundaries. If it ever comes up I'll tell her then, and only if it would be okay to do so.
I'm just embarrassed that I felt like I had to think about blocking someone I know is an abuser. In public, she doesn't appear like one, abusers never do, but I know she is because I believe Joan. I've also seen her passive aggressive comments and behaviors which is something I thought I didn't put up with. Apparently I do.
Estrangement sucks, but is necessary.

So I live in FL and my sister is getting married in NJ. She’s about to be 30 and has been with her fiancé for quite a few years. I’m disabled and my husband is in real estate. Due to Ian and the economy we have been living off our savings for almost a year.
My sister has been bugging us about mailing our RSVPs in but I keep telling her we don’t know how many of us are coming yet. Her wedding is in Oct and RSVP isn’t due til end of Sept. She is mad at me because we should ALL be coming to her wedding and she doesn’t understand that my husband has committed to sending me at minimum. There are 4 of us in my family that would need lodging, food, and airfare. She doesn’t understand that real estate was SO different a year ago which was why I was able to take a 5 day trip to Chicago for my cousin’s quinceanera. She said if I can make it to that, I should be able to make it to her wedding. I’ve explained to her that we have been living off savings since September 22. She isn’t appreciative of the fact that I will be there. She wants us all there. This is also my daughter’s senior year and I would be pulling her out of school to attend as the wedding is in the middle of the week. My husband and I discussed driving up there to save on costs even tho I can’t handle a road trip that long.
So am I the asshole?

I parked in the tower's lot, letting my headlights bore into the amalgam of twisted metal and glass for a few moments before shutting them off.
Josh muttered, his voice low. "We're really doing this, huh?"
He ran a hand through his mop of curly hair— a dumb tic he developed last summer when his girlfriend, Annabeth, told him it was sexy. She was beside him now, cuddled up in the backseat across his lap.
I glanced at my own girlfriend, Ellie, in the passenger seat. She was trying her damndest to appear brave, but I knew better. There was no way she was comfortable with trespassing tonight.
I sighed, realizing that Josh would also chicken out.
"We're doing this? You sure you want to come?" I prodded.
Josh shifted in his seat, hand running through his hair yet again. "Maybe it's better if I stay in the truck.”
Annabeth shrugged next to him, unsurprised.
"Me, too,” Ellie chimed in, nodding at Josh.
Annabeth met my eyes, a glimmer of understanding passing between us. Our partners were both boring, god-awful goody two shoes.
"Pussies," I jabbed, swinging open my door without giving them a moment to respond.
Annabeth hopped out behind me, waving at the two losers in the truck before spinning towards me with a grin on her face.
"They're weird," she said, rolling her eyes.
For a moment, I was drinking in the way her golden hair shimmered in the moonlight. A light breeze tickled at our faces, sending sparkles of her moon-lit hair between us.
"Yup," I mustered.
I turned, strolling towards the chain link fence that formed a circular perimeter around the base of Sabe's Tower.
Sabe’s Tower. Thirteen stories of abandoned potential, whispering of times past when our town's inhabitants thought we'd hit a population boom, becoming the Houston of West Virginia. In the 70s, our success was tied to coal. Jobs flooded in, and with them, a myriad of people trying to make their way in life. Then the mines abruptly ran dry, decimating our town's economy. Since that time, our population has done nothing but dwindle.
Sabe’s Tower. Thirteen stories of decaying grandeur, silently rotting from the inside out. Some say that's what happened to Sabe himself— a rot took hold in his core, spreading and spreading until nothing but rot was left. In the end, he took his own life, which some say was for the best. He was a greedy fool, the wealthiest man for miles, owning half the surrounding countryside before the mining industry took off. Made a fortune selling his family's land to coal companies, putting every ounce of profit into making his towering hotel more luxurious than a Ritz Carlton.
Sabe’s Tower. Thirteen stories of failed dreams, now screaming vulgar obscenities at our eyes. It is a truly ugly behemoth, domineering our town's skyline with unmerited arrogance. Sabe thought painting the tower purple would give it an air of majesty, like royalties of the past, swaddled in silky lavender robes. His aspiration, after all, was nothing less than to emulate the sacred Tabernacle of Moses, to make his hotel a dwelling place for gods among men. In its current state of disrepair, however, the tower was no more than an eyesore— a visual cacophony of broken glass, peeling sickly-purple paint, and rusted steel inlays.
Adding to the hotel's disgrace, it was cylindrical in form, perched atop the highest peak for miles, jutting into the sky like a middle finger to the gods. Its phallic outline stood in stark contrast to the run-down strip malls lying in its wake.
The fence surrounding the tower was a bit too tall and a bit too wobbly to safely scale, so we circled, looking for an entry point. Every few yards, a DO NOT TRESPASS sign hung, tied to the fence with zip-ties in each corner. Someone had taken the liberty to spray paint a word underneath each sign, now making them all read:
DO NOT TRESPASS ALONE.
"Good thing you're coming with me," I joked, pointing at one of the signs.
Annabeth paused to read it for a moment. "Yeah... kinda weird that someone did that. I wonder why?"
I shrugged, continuing around the perimeter.
Eventually, we found a gate in the fence, held closed with chains at waist level. The gate's post careened steeply outward, creating a manageable gap near the top. The gate post was only held in place by the chains, not even slightly anchored to the ground. Without too much of a struggle, we hoisted ourselves up and through the gap.
Once inside the fence, I found myself spellbound by the abandoned hotel. The stars in the night sky reflected across the windows, bending and warping around the curved perimeter. Each glimmer of starlight turned into dizzying fractals, melding together and slipping between the shards of broken glass with each shift of my gaze.
The result was honestly breathtaking.
At night, the eyesoriffic tower was beautiful. Its silhouette dared to embrace the star-studded cosmos, standing with a quiet dignity that defied its daytime mockery.
I felt Annabeth shuffle beside me.
Suddenly, her phone flashlight was on, illuminating a path through overgrown concrete to the tower. At the end of the path was the structure’s entrance— a gaping hole with no attempt to conceal the darkness within.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelled, spinning to face her.
"W... What do you mean?" she stuttered.
"Turn that off, you idiot," I explained, lowering my voice. "Someone might see the light and call the cops."
The light flicked off, Annabeth mumbling apologies.
I blinked away the afterimage of weeds eating through the concrete lot, silently cursing myself for being so ridiculously hostile toward her.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"You're good, Donovan" she whispered, brushing her hand across my arm.
As we continued to the open doorway, the outside of the tower came into focus. It was far further dilapidated than I had realized— each accent of purple paint, faded and peeling, was bulging out from between the glass and steel like it was trying to escape. I rubbed a fingernail on the paint, revealing a soft, rotting wood beneath.
I entered the tower first, pausing to let my eyes adjust. The darkness of the doorway opened up into an atrium that must have once made for a magnificent entrance. It was shaped like a slice of pie, us standing near the crust, peering inward toward the center. Above was pitch black, not yielding any answers to just how high up this mighty room's ceiling stretched.
The musty scent that filled my nose was surprisingly welcoming— somewhere between the smell of fishing trips and century old bookstores. I took a deep breath, relishing in the soft stench.
I could vaguely make out wires dangling down from the ceiling of the atrium. They were impossibly long, stretching upward into the infinite gloom.
"They look like vines," Annabeth whispered, her voice a soft purr.
The air was thick with falling dust, filtering down from the abyss above, twirling between the wires in satisfyingly slow-motion. The falling dust made it even harder to see in the dark, leaving the walls on either side of the room foggy blobs. I waved my hand, sending fleeting dust spirals through the air.
I remembered seeing photos of the atrium online, taken on some of the earliest digital cameras ever made. Those pictures showed marble countertops, intricate wooden carvings, and lushly carpeted floors.
The room, as it stands today, is a barren husk of Sabe's vision. The carpet, only present in scattered clumps, was impossibly dark, soiled to the point of true black. It clung to the concrete foundation, viciously holding on for dear life in a losing battle.
I bent down to examine a clump of carpet in front of me, amazed by the absence of light reflecting back. It was like staring into a pit of nothing, a vague absence, an outline of something that should be there.
I poked the toe of my boot at it.
FPOOSH.
It exploded, erupting into my face.
I gagged instinctively, tasting the vile substance mix into my lungs. Annabeth slapped my back as I continued gagging and coughing, begging the mucus to tear itself free from my lungs and just fucking get out of my body because it feels like I'm dying oh GOD.
And eventually, it did.
The violent hacking subsided into slight wretching, then was gone.
"Are you okay?" Annabeth tested.
Do you think I'm fucking okay?
"What the fuck was that?" I spewed.
She bent over the clump of carpet. Underneath the blackened top layer that just violently erupted was a pale network of matted spiderwebs.
"Hmm..." she began, "It kind of looks like mycelium."
She met my raised eyebrow with an eye roll.
"You know, like the roots of a fungus or some shit, I don't know. I just saw the shrooms growing in Bryce's closet that one time he showed me his stash. This white stuff looks just like it. So I guess that makes this black stuff like the part of the shroom we eat, or whatever."
"Oh dip," I responded, nodding. "That makes sense. One time I saw a nature show about some plants that shoot their seeds everywhere when something touches them. It's probably just spreading its spores when we touch it."
"Yeah," she breathed, "pretty gnarly."
We shuffled deeper into the gloom, weaving between dangling cables and clumps of fungus. I felt a drop of moisture flick off a cable, sliding onto my arm.
I groaned. "Fuck. That cable was wet."
"Disgusting," she whispered back.
We made our way to the apex of the room, the center of the tower, revealing a rusted set of elevator doors leaning together like drunks at a quinceanera. The doorway to the stairs, however, beckoned to us with the same unobstructed, pitch-black allure that the tower's entrance emanated just minutes before.
In the dark, it's truly amazing how utterly void all open doorways look.
Upon stepping inside the stairwell, the world vanished. The only proof of having working eyes was a faint, vertical glow of light filtering through the door, abruptly fading into all-consuming black.
Every sound in the entire building bored through my soul, bouncing from wall to wall, ceiling to floor, echoing on and on for all of eternity. The stairwell, directly in the center of the decrepit hotel, was the focal point of every creaking floorboard, every popping nail, every howling gust of wind. It was as if I was holding up a monstrous conch shell to my ear— a deafening murmur of echoes in disarray, smelting together to form satanic harmonies.
"Whoa," Annabeth mumbled.
Her word cut through the other echoes, impossibly loud against their monotonous hum.
Instantly, the echo of her voice filled the stairwell, rising like the build up of a dubstep song until peaking, impossibly overwhelming for a few brief seconds. The echoes of her voice then faded as quickly as they arrived.
She put a hand to her mouth, the whites of her eyes barely visible in the glow coming from the doorway.
I reached out, placing a hand where her shoulder should be. There was not enough space for us to stand abreast in the stairwell, leaving us in a comically squished proximity. She was breathing rapidly, barely managing to stay silent. I squeezed, and her breathing quickly slowed. I felt her hand creep onto mine, and we stood for a minute, simply listening to the cries of the dying building echo around us.
As my eyes adjusted, I could make out a staircase spiraling up the curved wall. Clearly this was a service stairwell, as it is much too cramped for the likes of Sabe's guests. Only a few steps were visible through the darkness at a time, making the staircase feel even tinier than it already was. Luckily, no fungus grew on the stairs themselves, leaving the metal alone to rust.
Annabeth shuffled onto the first step, producing a small object from her pocket. She handed it to me, then pointed up the stairwell, careful to not send echoes through the cylindrical chamber again.
I brought it close to my eyes for inspection, straining against the lack of light.
A joint...
She wants to go to the roof and smoke.
A smile cracked my lips. Classic Annabeth.
Every couple stairsteps, there would be a doorway. Most of them let in a dim glow, offering a glimpse into what must have once been a custodial closet on each floor.
On floor 9, I tugged at Annabeth's hand. We made eye contact in the faint light coming from the doorway. I motioned through it, pointing to the nearly fungus free floor. I wanted to explore at least a little bit, to see if the closet circled around the stairwell or not.
I poked my head through the doorway, freeing myself from the overwhelming cacophony of echoes in the stairwell.
I verified that the closet did, in fact, curve around the circular staircase like a donut. A few steps in one direction led to a terrifying drop— the elevator shaft. Next to it, a sidewalk sized ledge led to an open door, giving a view of the floor's main hallway. The path looked safe— no fungus, cracks, or otherwise obvious defects— so I proceeded, treading as light as a fox, fumbling for Annabeth's hand behind me.
The main hallway ran between the custodial closet and the guest rooms, creating another donut ring around the central stairwell. Throughout the hallway, patches of fungus grew alarmingly close together, threatening to overtake the concrete.
"That stairwell was insane," Annabeth whispered.
I nodded. "Fuck yeah, I wonder what it was like when the hotel was actually open. Must have been miserable for the staff."
We weaved through the fungus filled hallway, coming to room 901. I glanced at Annabeth, raising my eyebrows. The door was slightly ajar, hanging from its one remaining door hinge. I pushed gently, eliciting a monstrous creak.
The room was empty, extending away to the outside in a familiar pie shape. The mold seemed to grow thinner in the room, leaving most of the exposed concrete safe to cross. At the far side, a floor to ceiling panel of windows looked out over our town.
I gasped, taking in the view. Never before had I seen our town from this high up. My eyes drew to the smokestacks by the river, their blinking lights ominously flickering over downtown. Individual streets ran in parallel lines away from the tower, lit with yellowing streetlights. Between the roads, tiny lights cast from window panes twinkled, blending with one another into a starscape of their own.
"Dude," I said. "Look at this."
No response.
I spun, looking for Annabeth, frantically scanning the room. My eyes had adjusted to the outside light, leaving me sightless.
"Annabeth," I hissed.
A cold tingle went up my spine, pulling at hairs on the back of my neck.
"Annabeth?"
​
Silence.
​
Silence.
​
Silence.
​
I crept back across the floor, now aware of the entire room at once. There was nowhere for her to be hiding. No desks, cans of paint, ladders, nothing. Just an empty room with patchy fungus growing on the cement.
Something must have happened.
I studied each fungal growth in the room as I passed by. Even with the light cast from the windows, the tops remained impossibly dark. Not a single feature was discernible— only an outline was visible.
Halfway to the door, a three foot wide hole led straight to floor 8. I could have sworn it wasn't there before. I peered into the opening, seeing straight through to the room below. From what I could see, it was identically empty.
"Annabeth," I tried again, nearing the door to the hallway.
"BOO!"
I stumbled backward, tripping over my own feet. I landed squarely on a patch of fungus.
FPOOSH.
I remembered to hold my breath, close my eyes, and plug my nose.
Annabeth cackled from the threshold of the doorway, standing over me with both hands on her forehead.
"You should have seen the look—" she began, breaking off into another fit of laughter.
"Shut up," I groaned, pushing to my feet. My entire body was covered in squishy fungus gunk. I pointed at the hole behind me, continuing. "You could have killed me."
"Blah, blah, blah," she mocked. "You're fine... you're just being a baby."
Annabeth gave me a playful shove, hands lingering for a moment overdue. Swatting her paws off me, I marched back to the stairwell. I led the rest of the way to floor 13, followed by her snickers.
As I reached the top of the stairs and stepped onto the 13th floor, my jaw dropped. It was a scene straight out of a surrealist painting. An enormous pool room lay before us. Glass walls extended up from the tile floors, creating a massive, clear domed perimeter. A swath of stars twinkled brilliantly through the clear ceiling, their light refracting through the glass, casting ethereal patterns onto the room's otherwise bleak surroundings.
The pool itself was a semi-circular cutout covering half the floor space, starting at ground level and deepening in a corkscrew motion. Its ceramic tiles, once probably a bright blue, were now tinged with patches of the same fungal growth we had come across on the lower floors. The growth was sparse here, though, letting the original floor design take prominence.
In the center of the room— on top of the staircase we just stepped out of— stood a circular pillar that extended up to the middle of the glass dome, like a spine holding up the entire tower. A small antenna jutted out from above the pillar atop the dome. Surrounding the antenna was a low fence, perhaps a safety measure for maintenance workers.
Annabeth, having finally contained her laughter, stepped beside me, her face illuminated by the soft starlight filtering in through the dome. She too stood silent, taken aback by the unexpected beauty of this forgotten space.
As we moved around the room, our steps echoed across the vast emptiness. With every patch of fungus we passed, the same eerie darkness hovered, the undulating mold standing stark against the ceramic tiles.
We made our way back to the central pillar. A ladder, carved into the pillar, connected to the glass ceiling with a trapdoor.
"To the roof?" Annabeth sang, rubbing her hands together in a goblin-like motion.
"Ladies first."
As she climbed above me, I couldn't help but crane my neck and drool. She slammed open the trapdoor, and we burst through to the roof.
The fenced-in area was covered with a dark spongy surface, gripping at my knees when I stood up. Wind whipped around us, carrying a chill that cut through my clothes and bit into my skin. With each gust, the antenna above us groaned and swayed, almost as if it were joining in a dance with an unseen partner.
We sat on the squishy rubber surface, comfortably in silence. I met her eyes, smiling dumbly. We passed the joint back and forth until it dwindled down, its ember glow flickering one last time before extinguishing completely. A familiar haze crawled through my thoughts, slowing the passage of time to a languishing crawl.
"Hey..." she started, "I think I've finally found inspiration for my next album."
I scooted closer to her, taking her hand. I knew the topic brought about an unusual timidity in her— a blemish in the badass persona she's so keen on presenting. She won't even talk to her own boyfriend about her music career.
"Yeah?" I floated.
She hesitated for a second, settling into the moment. I felt a tug at my crotch, suddenly all too aware of how pretty she looked in the moonlight. I took in every detail— the way her hair fell across her face, the pattern of her freckles, the soft speckling of stars reflecting across her eyes.
"I think you need to take off your shirt, first, though," she whispered, now inches from my face. "You're filthy."
I glanced down, remembering the fungal gunk that had soiled my clothes when she scared me.
Without warning, her hands slid under my shirt, warm and sure. I helped her yank it off, collapsing into her lips.
***
When we got back to the truck, I was still high enough to see everything in slow motion. Before pulling out of the parking lot, Annabeth and I regurgitated the events of our urban exploration, trying to show our significant others what fun they missed out on. It goes without saying that part of the story was intentionally omitted.
Ellie and Josh were unamused. Their lack of adventure will forever be a mystery to me.
We swung out of the lot, hopping onto the highway headed into town. I swayed between lanes, struggling to keep the double-yellow lines in focus.
"Are you sure you're good to drive?" Ellie asked, gripping the armrest.
"I'm fine," I slurred.
Seconds later, another truck materialized in front of us. I swerved to avoid it, then everything went black.
***
I woke up to a strong hand pulling me out of the window. My truck was upside down, the roof completely caved in.
I groaned. "Aww... fuck...."
The person who pulled me out looked like the kind of guy to chew tobacco and spit wisdom. His fishing cap cast a deep shadow across his eyes in the moon's glow, concealing his gaze. He was an old timer, that's for sure, one of those folk who came during the coal rush and decided to stay when all was said and done. I could see his truck— the same truck I saw moments before the crash— pulled into the shoulder of the highway with its blinkers on.
"Easy now," he reassured, his voice like gravel under a boot. "Anyone else inside?"
I nodded, unable to speak.
I plopped onto the grassy slope embarking off the side of the road. The old man pulled their mangled bodies out, one by one.
The countryside shrank around me. I felt the corners of my vision pulling in, the weed in my system straining the limits of shock I could take before melting down.
"I'm sorry, son," he whispered, his voice carrying the weight of my guilt. "The police will be here soon. Don't you worry."
The police.
I stood up. I knew exactly how the police treated people with my skin color in this town.
I ran.
"Hey now!" the man hollered.
I kept running.
Away from my truck, away from my dead friends, away from the police.
I ran until my breath came in ragged, uncontrollable huffs. I flopped to the ground, laying on the cool concrete, cradling my head with my hands. Blood flowed between my fingertips, pooling onto the pavement.
I laid there until police sirens wailed through the night, rapidly approaching. They stopped at the wreck, leaving me in silence. Moments later, the sirens picked up their mournful song again, heading toward me.
I sat up.
I was back in the lot of Sabe's Tower. Only then did I realize how little distance I really ran from the wreck— a couple hundred yards at most.
Four, five, maybe even six sirens filled the air. They were all coming for me. They knew what I had done.
I bolted from my position on the concrete. I could hide in the tower. No way the cops would look for me in that rotting place. They wouldn't dare.
I squeezed through the gap in the fence, same as before, vaulting past the
DO NOT TRESPASS ALONE
signs in a fluid lunge. The sirens behind me screamed into the night, melding together into a continuous doomsday chant.
Red and blue lights filled the lot. I hit the ground right in front of the gaping entrance to the tower, praying that the weeds poking through the concrete would be enough to mask my form. I army crawled, inch by inch, dragging myself across broken bottles and plywood shrapnell, until I was safely in the darkness of the tower.
In.
Out.
I breathed.
In.
Out.
A police cruiser parked in the lot. Its siren drowned out all other wails for a moment before shutting off. A chubby white officer hopped out, surveying the scene. His gaze came to rest on the spot where I had lain. He squatted down, raking a finger through the pool of blood I left behind. He took a few steps toward the tower, squatting down yet again. Another splotch of blood, no doubt.
His voice floated through the plaza, slightly nasal and a little out of breath. "Dispatch, this is officer Chetty, badge number 741. I'm on the scene at 1019 Pleasant Valley Lane, in the lot of Sabe's Tower. I've located a pool of fresh blood that may be linked to our hit-and-run suspect. Possible injury, suspect could be close. Requesting immediate backup and forensics for evidence collection."
Fuck.
I wormed my way further into the tower's belly, sliding between patches of fungus like a mouse in a snake pit, heading for the stairwell. I had to ascend, to find some nook or cranny out of reach of the pursuing officers. The godforsaken tower was one big game of hide and seek, only this time, losing meant far worse than a bruised ego.
Something gurgled in the darkness.
My blood froze. I halted, my heart hammering a tattoo against my ribs. Holding my breath, I strained my senses, eyes peering into the graying murk, searching for the source of the sound.
It came again, a wretched retching, like an animal choking on its own vomit. Hacking, gurgling, bubbling wetness bursting through strained vocal chords, a sound of fading vitality. It was coming from near the door, just outside the meager halo of light slipping through the hole.
A wet line smeared across the back of my neck. A yelp escaped my lips before I realized it was just a cord dangling from the ceiling.
At my yelp, the gurgling paused.
A heavy hush fell over the place, the quietude of the hunted.
I could faintly make out echoes emanating from the stairwell, only a few feet behind me.
The gurgling continued, sucking at the thick air. It began to drag itself forward through the fungus covered floor— a slow, steady, rhythmic drag against the concrete.
FPOOSH.
A geyser of spores bloomed, mingling with swirls of dust in the meager light. The creature, or whatever it was, did not slow its approach. Out of the darkness, a form began to shape— a silhouette clawing its way toward me.
FPOOSH.
I could see this eruption envelop the mass on the floor. One hand appeared, then another. Its fingers scrabbled over the concrete, searching for any purchase to grip. They flexed, heaving the thing even closer.
A mop of curly hair appeared between the hands. A body, face down. It pulled itself closer, into another fungal growth, grinding its face through the rough concrete.
FPOOSH.
A knife protruded from its back. The handle jutted upward, a grim totem amidst the grime and gore. I shuddered, involuntarily taking a step closer to the stairwell.
It looked up at me.
Or rather, Josh looked up at me.
I stared back, mouth agape.
His face was nearly sanded off from the concrete. His nose took the worst of it, ground down to the bone, leaving only two sucking, gurgling holes between his eyes. His cheeks were a mangled mess of blood and rocks, viscous red flowing freely to the tip of his chin before dribbling off. The chunks of meat hanging where lips should have been flapped against his teeth with every jerky motion, tethered to his face by all too little strands of flesh. Beneath them, his teeth showed bright red and white in a perpetual grimacing smile.
"Josh?" I managed to whisper, my voice a frightened squeak.
Josh opened his mouth as if to respond, ripping both cheeks in half. He hacked, gurgling, spitting up blood that came from deep within his torso. He slowly cocked his head to the side, but instead of stopping at a slant, he kept twisting his neck until bones started to crack and his head dangled upside down.
His mangled, upside down head swung limply as he pulled himself to his knees, his neck like jelly. He wasn't wearing the same clothes he was wearing earlier tonight— no, he was wearing clothes from the night Annabeth first cheated on him with me. He was at a Villanova game, supporting his favorite team since birth. Annabeth knew he would be gone for the weekend, so we took our chance. I was still at her place when he came back, wearing his Collin Gillespie jersey and reeking of beer.
Now in front of me, his prized jersey was in tatters, torn to ribbons by the concrete. He groaned, shuffling and reaching for me with bloody fingers.
I bolted into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time. I pushed myself faster and faster until the door to floor 9 loomed to my side. I didn't pause for a moment, pushed forward by the gurgling echoes reverberating from below.
My thighs, weak from the frantic climb, begged for a break. I wobbled into the hallway, painfully tip-toeing through the fungus. The door to 901 beckoned ahead, hanging open like it had been awaiting my hasty return.
I stumbled over the threshold when Annabeth's singing filled the room. "Oh, Donovan!"
I froze.
Outlined against the window was a two-headed beast. One face belonged to Annabeth, the other to Ellie. The creature swayed, an obscene dance of bare, fused flesh. It wore no clothes, as if to mock God himself. It had two sets of everything— eight appendages total, like a humanoid arachnid. Annabeth's breasts, now side by side with Ellie's, put Ellie to shame, even now.
Annabeth crooned again, "Oh, Donovan!" each syllable laced with acid and honey. The sound made my skin crawl as it floated through the silent room.
"You always did want more, didn't you Donovan?" Ellie sneered, a harsh grin splitting her face.
Annabeth spat, "More than Ellie could give. More than anyone could give."
The thing dropped to the floor with a thud. All eight limbs moved in unison as it crawled.
"Isn't this what you wanted? Both of us at the same time?" Their voices tumbled over each other, mouths moving in synchrony. Together, their laughter filled the hollow room. "Don't you like the thrill, Donovan? Don't you like playing with fire?"
The thing scurried at me, jumping over fungal growths with powerful leaps. The sudden movement broke my paralyzation, spurring my legs to action. I darted into the closet and through the stairwell door, into the gurgling echoes.
Back down the stairwell I ran, the two headed beast in pursuit. Both girls snarled, hindered by their conjoined size in the narrow passageway. Their struggle echoed through the stairwell, mixing with the gurgling. I fled further down, needing to put distance between that thing and me.
I stopped dead in my tracks between floors 2 and 3.
Josh was there, leaning against the wall with the knife removed from his back, now grasped tightly in his hand. I staggered back up the stairs, instinctively retreating, narrowly avoiding the blade as he lunged at me.
Glancing up, I caught a flash of pale skin bearing down on me, cutting off my escape. My only way out was the door to floor 3. I charged through the closet, leaving the echoes behind me.
Floor 3 was empty— no walls, only fungus and windows. The atrium loomed to my left, a pie shaped hole missing from the floor and ceiling. I backed away from the door, eyeing the dangling cords hanging in the atrium.
Maybe... Just maybe....
Josh stumbled from the stairwell, filling the air with his wet slurping. Annabeth and Ellie followed, scrambling toward me.
I didn't have time to think.
I jumped, grasping at the dangling wires, praying they would hold my weight.
Time stuttered, hanging suspended like an icicle on a winter's morning. The world spun in a dizzying blur as I twisted, fingers stretching for a grip. Panic clawed its icy fingers up my spine, but it was the surprise that struck me most. The simple disbelief that this was happening.
A wire found its way into my hand, snapping without slowing my fall.
The wind whooshed past, ripping the breath from my lungs. Above me, the third floor retreated, its grimy concrete replaced by a view of the atrium's ceiling, wires swinging back and forth from my desperate escape.
Then came the sensation of falling. It's a feeling that strikes a primal chord, an orchestra of fear and adrenaline that means the end of a life. My stomach lurched, free-falling alongside me, while the rest of my body seemed to hover in a state of disbelief.
The impact came as both a shock and an inevitability. There was a moment of sheer, undiluted pain, a soundless scream reverberating through my very bones. It felt like being shattered from the inside out, an explosion of agony that started from my back and radiated outwards. An iron-hot spike of pain shot through me, and then, a chilling void as everything below my waist slipped into a terrifying numbness.
The echo of my body's collision rang in my ears as the world spun into a disorienting whirl of blurs, shadows, and pain. The cold concrete beneath me felt real, solid, a chilling contrast to the sudden loss of sensation in my legs.
In the throbbing silence that followed, I understood. I had fallen. I was broken. I lay sprawled on the atrium floor, gasping, the world tilting dangerously in my vision.
Annabeth and Ellie emerged from the staircase, scrambling across the atrium floor. Red and blue police lights filtered through the tower’s windows, making shadows dance between the monster's eight limbs. Josh wasn't far behind, still clutching onto the bloody knife, head rolling upside down between his shoulders.
"Police, we're coming in!" a familiar nasally voice shouted.
The moment officers stepped foot in the tower, the monsters vanished in a spray of spores.
​
X

In my Second year of college I took American Sign Language 1 from September-December. Anyways, the first day of that class I remember just seeing old people in that class and maybe a few people around my age in that class. In my head I just thought it was going to be a long semester. I was also taking College Math in person that year too. After the first day leaving my math class I was feeling sick to my stomach but the next day, long story short I tested Positive for Covid-19 for my first time. After a week of recovery I didn't test positive for Covid and started going back to class. On my first day back to my ASL class i was one of the first people waiting for the class to start and this girl around my age presumably sat in front of me and asked if this was my first time in this class, and i said no i just didn't feel good last class so i didn't come. When class was dismissed I started to put my stuff in my backpack and this girl turned around and told me “Checks over Stripes” and I was like “what?” and again she said “Checks over Stripes” and i was still confused and then she said “Nikes over Addias” because of our shoes that we were wearing she had black Nikes and I had Black Addais. At the time I found it kind of weird but I didn't really care but after that day those words would stick with me forever. The next class session was when i really started to get to know her more and more due to the fact she was my signing partner and for ASL what you mostly do is get to know your partner while signing so we both got to learn each other's names and with me already have some prior knowledge of ASL because of my sister taking that class a year earlier i was able to help Nicole sign better and to ASL standard. So with time I got to know almost everything about her and she got to learn everything about me. Coming to class was starting to be more of not really caring about learning ASL as much as I wanted to too becoming I just wanna see and talk to Nicole more and more. At the beginning of this class when I met her I wasn't really trying to get into or trying to get into a relationship because at the time I didn't have a license or a decent job also with me finding out that she was from Anhiem (a rich city), a very nice white BMW and her being a teacher's assistant at a pre-school but something about getting to know a girl's beautiful mind just took me away from all of that. A few weeks later we made a friend group with me, her and a friend that we made named Liana. It was a great few weeks for me. I'd get to see Nicole twice a week, hangout with her, get to know her more, and then walk her out to her car. I know it might seem like I am over hyping this situation but I can tell that she really enjoyed hanging out with me too. I’d make her laugh, have conversations with her, and just make her feel comfortable around me and that's how I treated people regularly that I like to hangout with if they got to know me. I had a suspicion that she liked me due to her positive energy towards me but this could be debunked but i doubt it. I learned her favorite hobbies and her favorite foods and drinks in which i did not lie on purpose to make it seem like we were alike. I remember this one time where she was sick for an entire week in which I didn't know at the time but I later found out. What I can remember at that time was that I really missed her i didn't have her to talk to or to hang out in class with, in which Liana noticed. When she did comeback I was happy to finally see her again and at the end of class we were walking her out to her car and Nicole told us (Me and Liana) if we missed her in which I lied and said no but Liana pinched in and say that she could tell that I missed Nicole in which Nicole said “Awww”. At that moment of time I didn't know how to feel, I just felt like maybe, maybe something was brewing. I remember the times that we would compete against each other in ASL, we would always try to correct each other's mistakes and say that we were signing it the right way and you're doing it wrong. I remember waiting for her inside the building to come to class so that I could walk with her and talk to her on the way to the classroom everyday. I remember the class watching a sad film about a little deaf girl whose parents neglected to help her learn ASL with proper help. It was an eye-opening movie and very drama orientated but I remember Nichole was upset about the ending. But I could tell by the things she said about the film that she really has a caring heart for children so I know that her passion for educating the young was her true and destined passion. A few weeks later me, her and a friend all agreed to make a study group to go to Starbucks on the following Friday. I got her number so that we all can talk in a group chat about more stuff. The reason why we created this study group was because our FInal for ASL was to sign an entire children's book in 1 take so we all wanted to practice on it. And so I went to Starbucks with them, we all had a great time there practicing, hanging out, talking about college and life. While being there I bugged Nicole in a fun and friendly way and I can tell that she grew fond of it because we would like to go at each other in a playful manner. During that time we all didn't really do a whole lot of work but we also really enjoyed each other's company so we arranged to all meet again at the same place at the same time next week. I really loved spending time with Nicole. It was just like we had this unmatched chemistry that I never experienced but I loved and dreaded every second that went by knowing that I wouldn't be able to see her again until next time. So next week rolled in and we studied with each other again. This second time I feel like we really clicked with each other. Me and Nicole went to buy some drinks and I offered to pay for all of the drinks that everyone wanted but Nicole paid for them before I could stop her from doing so. In which I feel that I should've been more assertive about it but she insisted on paying for everything so I obliged. While waiting for our drinks I started the conversation in what she was going to school for and she told me she wanted to go in the education/counseling field and I told her that I wanted to become a Oceanographer and we started talking about class that we are taking and did take and going to take and we both had similarities in what we liked and didnt like and whilst talking the look in her eyes looking at me just made me feel butterflies in my stomach which I never got before. Anyways after that we went back to our table and started to get back to working. While working and cracking up some jokes she went to use the restroom and our other friend told me that she is too funny and then I said “yeah she's something else” hint at her because I had a slight suspicion that our friend knew something was up. At this time I felt that I really knew almost every about her and same her to me, In my life at 19 years old I never ever felt anything like this in my life so I didn't know what should my next move be I was 100% on my own at that time trying to advance forward with this immaculate, beautiful, intelligent, kind women. Just like last time we mostly chilled, talked etc. just like last time but with some work completed as well Nicole wanted all of us to go somewhere and do something fun. Some suggestions came out like Ice skating, Bowling, Movies, going somewhere to eat and some other places. But we ended up wanting to go either Ice Skating or Bowling but earlier I hinted that I despised Bowling because i was terrible at it so we ended up wanting to all meet up go somewhere to eat and then go Ice Skating next. And so it was settled that we were going to do that the next week but unknowing my future I really wished we could have gone Bowling instead. So the day came Friday December 16th 2022, I didn't have any class that day so when I woke up I waited every second, minute, and hour painfully. During this time I was brainstorming all afternoon and the previous night in thinking of what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. I really really felt that there was something special between us and I wanted to ask her out but really just to take her out to eat sometime just me and her. I like to give out percentages to myself about how I feel about things and if I have a chance to succeed in it, sort of like when someone says the “Trusting My Gut” expression. Anyways I can't really remember the specific percentage I gave to myself but it was in the high 80’s. So I felt really confident in her agreeing to hang out sometime but I just need to think of again the How, When, and What to say in the right moment so I don't seem like I'm being a total weird about it. But I knew if I just stayed being myself like how I’ve done for the past months I should be just fine. After a while of brainstorming I still had some time to kill so I decided to play on my Xbox until 4pm so that I could take an hour to get ready. When it hit 4:30pm I quickly took a shower and got ready and I was up and ready around 5pm. I texted the group chat to see what was the Status of everyone and my ride (Liana) told me she was on her way to pick me up while Nicole said she just got off work and she was getting ready herself, she lived around 25 mins away. The Time was 5:10pm and I gave Liana my address and was awaiting my pick up. 5 mins went bye, 10 mins went bye, 15mins went by, 20 mins went bye. I was getting very antsy because I knew most likely only this beautiful night would I be able to make her feel comfortable to ask her out. Liana was having trouble with directions so I basically had to wait outside of my apt. to try to flag her down. The time was 6:02pm when Liana was finally able to find the correct address and that's when I told Nicole that we were on our way. It took us a good 40 mins to get to Nicole's house with traffic of course. When we got there we all greeted each other. Nicholes, which was the nickname I gave her at the time, looked very nice and I wish I had attempted to say something like that just to make a good icebreaker for the night but my stupid ass self didn't. We took Nicole’s (White Spotless BMW), I sat in the front passenger seat because I felt it was necessary for what I wanted to do later that night. We all previously agreed to go to CFA before going to the Rink to eat all of our favorite fast food place.
I really wished that I had the courage and the bravery that I have when I go over these situations because as a man I should’ve absolutely paid for everyone's meals but I freeze up and can't get it out in time to say that. Anyways Liana and I ordered chicken sandwiches and Nicole ordered chicken nuggets or tenders. While waiting for our food, mostly what I remember is that I was very nervous and my leg was tapping the floor, Nicole was sitting right in front of me and the three of us were just all talking. At this time I had never ever done something like this especially with only girls and with someone at the time I truly loved and cared about so mainly I was trying to just be how I am because that was a smart thing to do and a little free balling it too. I remembered Nicole and I were slow eaters while Liana was just chowing down on her meal. Eating Slow is very odd for me to do because most of the time I would be the first to finish when I would eat with people but this time again the nerves got to me and my appetite was deprecated. I could only scarf down half of my sandwich meanwhile I could see that Nicole was sort of in the same pace as I was. We finished eating and we all went to the Bmw and started heading to the Rink, while heading there I finally broke out of my nerves and opened up to make the car ride much more of a vibe. After the semi long drive we made it and I found out that Nicole smoked THC which I kinda of was disappointed at her for it but I realized that I have a brain, am educated, and I knew some knowledge of different types of Cannabis BECAUSE I had took a Health class in College and Highschool in which we learn the properties, benefits, and defects of Cannabis also my father took some for body pain and for sleep. So I quickly saved myself from seeming like a crazy anti-drug person. But I did tell her that at least it wasn't a vape or a cig or something stupid like that and she agreed. When we walked up to the front desk we were like 30 mins earlier to our skating session but we saw a shopping district nearby and they wanted to go check it out. While observing the stores and chatting Nicole saw an Icecream cone/ cake shop in which she wanted to get some because she saw it online before. Im currently blanking on how this next statement that i'm going to say happened but she asked me if I wanted to “share an icecream with her” sincerely I had no idea what to say but again I froze and said that I was trying to cut sugar from my diet (since I was working out and all) but im sure one fucking icecream cone cake thing would kill my gains now thinking of it but yeah. But i did offer to pay for her dessert but the store only accepted apple pay and i got cucked basically. While waiting for her dessert she wanted to take a picture with me and it felt a little weird but we took some “selfies' ' usually i would never but i did it for her. I really wish I had somehow gotten that picture but I never got it. From a distance I would say that if I was a stranger and I was me and Nicole having a great time I would’ve said that we were dating. But anyways we got our desserts we all vibed outside and then went back to the Rink. When we got in we got our skates and had to put them on to get ready and so we did but in the back of my head I knew for certain that this had to be the time for the both of us to have a great time together so that i could feel 100% confident to ask her out. But then I remember I only skated once before when I was 9 and I was terrible. Meanwhile I didn't even know that Liana and Nicole were both nonchalantly skating like it was nothing. I was mostly skating along the edges so that I wouldn't eat it but also it was absolutely freezing there and I had jeans and a sweater on. I had gloves but I gave them to Nicole for her hands. I was so painful every single awkward step i took almost falling half the time but at least i didn't fall, Nicole was the only one that feel but none of us saw it, I was thinking while skating that maybe i should show sympathy and fall so maybe I could get more action with Nicole because she was mostly zooming around with Liana meanwhile i was basically going 1 mph constantly but with looking forward I didn't want cause any injuries to myself but I wish i could’ve done it maybe a few times. After 2 hours we decided to head out it was midnight. I felt like all night that I did well in setting the mood to asking out Nicole but as soon as we skated all of my build up was nullified and while going over all of things in my head in her car heading back to her house I didn't know how to approach this. When we made it to Nicole's house she told us that she had fun and would do something like this again and didn't know if this would be the last time if we all hung out. I said hopefully we can do something like this again and so did Liana, and then Nicole hugged us and said goodbye. I really don't feel anything when I get hugged because I rarely do but when I do I go limp and become shocked. So guess what, I did absolutely the same thing, I wasn't really expecting that to happen but when it did I didn't hug her back. I truly then and currently feel sick to myself that I froze and I truly regret and apologize for it. After that I got a ride home from one of my friends. During the long drive back home In my head I was really thinking to myself “why didn't i try to ask her out?” “Why didn't I hug her back?” “Is this the last time I’ll see her?” What's next?”. I was really losing it in my head because at that time I really loved her and cared for her dearly more than any and everyone I ever met in my life. Then with my jeen-yus self i thought of an idea to save my chance to get with her. On the freeway we passed Knott’s Berry Farm and I told my friend that we all should all go to K.B.F for our last meet up due to all of us bonding greatly. Liana, the friend I was talking to said that would be a great idea. I got back home and messaged the group chat and about the idea and Nicole didn't respond to it. Month later while writing this I sincerely thought she agreed to it but no. Days passed by then weeks passed and then I came to the realization that she had cut her loose ends (us) with not a word been said. I asked around and then remembered she had become really busy with that span of time: sisters quinceanera, Christmas, New Years, Traveling to see her family, work, school, and etc. Then at that moment in time I came to the realization that I wasn't going to see her ever again and I missed my opportunity. At that time I remember not feeling okay with low appetite, not doing my absolute best working out, and completely giving up on ASL. This is because for my Spring classes I chose to enroll in ASL 2 since ASL 1 was so easy but it was an online class and at this time I couldn't bring myself to do any of the work because everything reminded me of her. With the cost of enrolling in that class and paying for materials I wasted credits and around $80 to this day none knows about this. Around Late January I couldn't stop thinking of her so I talked to some friends and they told me to ask her out (because I've told them the backstory to this). With some time and thinking I decided to just vent out and tell her how I felt. So I eased into the conversation with a simple “hello”. She said she didn't have my number saved (in-which I knew she most likely deleted it after sometime) and she told me how I've been and I responded and asked the same. After that I waited a day to say what I wanted to tell her. And after a nice cold shower and brainstorming what i wanted to say I told her basically, How I felt about her since day one, how i have this unexplainable feeling when i'm around her, how the past 9 weeks were really the best time of my life with talking to and being with her, I told her what i was feeling and thinking what to do when we went to eat and ice skating and how I wanted to ask her out during that night. An hour went by and she responded. I remember at that time and moment every nerve in my body was so scared to open her message because I didn't know what to expect because this was the first time in my life that I opened up to anyone in my life. What she told me was that "Hey sorry I have been pretty busy, but I do wanna say I appreciate you telling me this! I'm sorry u weren't able to say it in person how u wanted, but I understand where you're coming from.. with the little time I've known u, I can say ur a great guy tbh but I'm not looking for anything serious rn & I'm sorry if I gave u that impression for some reason :(“. I didn't know what to think I had no words and to this day I am still befuddled. I then responded to her that I felt like a complete idiot and I'm sorry for wasting her time. She then replied with “U shouldn't feel like that. U should be glad u let ur feelings out & although I don't feel the same, it shouldn't make u feel any less of yourself” to this the very last message i sent her was that “its fine I just find it funny”. And with that, that was my final message to her and her to me. I just remember for a few months I was still sad and couldn't get over her but then eventually I found my footing. But with writing this 4 1⁄2 page dedicated to this story in my life, I would regain my love for her so it really honestly took me around 5 months to complete this story but I really really wanted to finish this because in the back of my mind it was I needed to finish this story. Some interesting things that while writing this story and basically happens every once in a blue moon is that the name Nicole pops up in anything/everything that it could in my day today life from online and hearing it or seeing it randomly also I always somehow see glimpses of her room someone looking like her straight down to the point. The Dirty Blonde hair, the glasses, the nice white skin, the jeens, her smoking THC. I think that it's somehow a sign of how she was the one for me and the universe is punishing me for not doing what i was supposed to do, or maybe i'm just overthinking it i don't know. I know now that I will probably might never get to see her again or maybe have a chance with her so awhile ago i wrote a couple things down for her to somehow see maybe if she reads this somehow, so here's what i wrote:
Dear Nicole, I didn't only like you because of the way you looked you know, I just liked everything about you, I just wanted you to talk to me more and more and more, I just always wanted to be talking to you there’s just something about you that just drew me in and once i was there i never wanted to leave so you i got stuck…
Dear Nicole, I love you… and before you just think i'm weird or something, Let me tell you what I mean by that, I don't mean that in some fake or some warm and fuzzy, sentimental kind of way and i'm not just saying to look nice or to get u to like me. What I mean is that at the very least is that I only want is what is good for you and at the very most I'd give myself my life, my time, my attention, my mind, and my stuff in any way I can for your good. I don't care how I feel, how I look or what I'm getting out of it. I just want happiness…
Finally I would like to quote this lyric from Tyler the Creator from his song “Gone, Gone/ Thank You” because I truly feel that this relates to me
“Thank you for the love,
Thank you for the joy
But I don't want to ever fall in love again
Thank you for the time,
Thank you for your mind, oh
But i don't ever want to fall in love again”
Checks Over Strips

1. https://factbud.com/2023/03/fun-facts-about-condoleezza-rice/
2. https://factbud.com/2023/03/fun-facts-about-new-mexico/
3. https://factbud.com/2023/03/fun-facts-about-the-ocean/
4. https://factbud.com/2023/03/interesting-facts-about-yeast/
5. https://factbud.com/2023/03/interesting-facts-about-baboons/
6. https://factbud.com/2023/03/facts-about-the-flatiron-building/
7. https://factbud.com/2023/03/interesting-facts-about-the-bahamas/
8. https://factbud.com/2023/03/interesting-facts-about-the-wright-brothers/
9. https://factbud.com/2023/03/11-interesting-facts-about-nauru/
10. https://factbud.com/2023/03/7-fun-facts-about-wallets/
11. https://factbud.com/2023/03/fun-facts-about-tilapia/
12. https://factbud.com/2023/03/interesting-facts-about-snowmobiles/
13. https://factbud.com/2023/03/fun-facts-about-clouds-you-never-knew/
14. https://factbud.com/2023/03/fascinating-facts-about-septembe
15. https://factbud.com/2023/03/fun-facts-about-shrek/
16. https://factbud.com/2023/03/interesting-facts-about-the-trumpet/
17. https://factbud.com/2023/03/facts-about-tenrikyo/
18. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-cows/
19. https://factbud.com/2023/02/fun-facts-about-curry/
20. https://factbud.com/2023/02/facts-about-lungworts/
21. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-azerbaijan/
22. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-wild-boars/
23. https://factbud.com/2023/02/fun-facts-about-andy-warhol/
24. https://factbud.com/2023/02/fun-facts-about-tiktok/
25. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-socialism/
26. https://factbud.com/2023/02/fun-facts-about-cluedo/
27. https://factbud.com/2023/02/fun-facts-about-spaghetti/
28. https://factbud.com/2023/02/fun-facts-about-t-shirts/
29. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-the-scream/
30. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-the-violin/
31. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-orthodontists/
32. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-armenia/
33. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-samsung/
34. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-cross-country-running-facts/
35. https://factbud.com/2023/02/facts-about-reindeers/
36. https://factbud.com/2023/02/facts-about-valley-forge/
37. https://factbud.com/2023/02/facts-about-will-ferrell/
38. https://factbud.com/2023/02/facts-about-when-you-sleep/
39. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-bing/
40. https://factbud.com/2023/02/fascinating-facts-about-snowboarding/
41. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-angola/
42. https://factbud.com/2023/02/facts-about-the-persistence-of-memory/
43. https://factbud.com/2023/02/zoroastrianism-key-facts-you-need-to-know/
44. https://factbud.com/2023/02/20-fascinating-facts-about-trucks/
45. https://factbud.com/2023/02/interesting-facts-about-lacrosse/
46. https://factbud.com/2023/01/25-facts-on-killer-whales-you-may-not-know-about/
47. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-ishmael-beah/
48. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-tacos/
49. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-henri-matisse-facts/
50. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-yale-university/
51. https://factbud.com/2023/01/fascinating-facts-about-tesla/
52. https://factbud.com/2023/01/the-top-5-most-surprising-poison-dart-frog-facts/
53. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-james-webb-telescope-facts/
54. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-johann-sebastian-bach/
55. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-quinceanera/
56. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-new-jersey/
57. https://factbud.com/2023/01/facts-about-pit-bulls/
58. https://factbud.com/2023/01/fun-facts-about-sally-ride/
59. https://factbud.com/2023/01/facts-about-antigua/
60. https://factbud.com/2023/01/fascinating-facts-about-snooke
61. https://factbud.com/2023/01/fascinating-facts-about-potato-chips/
62. https://factbud.com/2023/01/international-space-station-facts/
63. https://factbud.com/2023/01/left-handed-people-facts/
64. https://factbud.com/2023/01/baobab-tree-facts/
65. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-hedgehogs/
66. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-april/
67. https://factbud.com/2023/01/fun-facts-about-pennsylvania/
68. https://factbud.com/2023/01/forrest-gump-facts/
69. https://factbud.com/2023/01/facts-about-eileen-nearne/
70. https://factbud.com/2023/01/8-fun-facts-about-polar-bears/
71. https://factbud.com/2023/01/fun-facts-about-science/
72. https://factbud.com/2023/01/interesting-facts-about-carbon/
73. https://factbud.com/2023/01/5-fascinating-facts-about-kathmandu/
74. https://factbud.com/2023/01/red-maple-tree-facts/
75. https://factbud.com/2023/01/banana-nutrition-facts-the-health-benefits-of-eating-bananas/
76. https://factbud.com/2023/01/fun-facts-about-snails/
77. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-ted-cruz/
78. https://factbud.com/2022/12/30-interesting-facts-about-dna/
79. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-dogs/
80. https://factbud.com/2022/12/ten-fascinating-facts-about-withernsea/
81. https://factbud.com/2022/12/fascinating-facts-about-the-founding-fathers/
82. https://factbud.com/2022/12/surprising-facts-about-sunday/
83. https://factbud.com/2022/12/15-fascinating-facts-about-tom-brady-the-goat-of-american-football/
84. https://factbud.com/2022/12/interesting-facts-about-the-louvre-museum/
85. https://factbud.com/2022/12/15-surprising-and-fascinating-facts-about-floods/
86. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-climate-change/
87. https://factbud.com/2022/12/fascinating-facts-about-ukraine/
88. https://factbud.com/2022/12/queen-elizabeth-ii-19-surprising-facts-you-may-not-know/
89. https://factbud.com/2022/12/fascinating-facts-about-isotopes/
90. https://factbud.com/2022/12/15-interesting-facts-about-fortnite/
91. https://factbud.com/2022/12/25-facts-about-frida-kahlo/
92. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-turkeys/
93. https://factbud.com/2022/12/25-facts-about-winte
94. https://factbud.com/2022/12/30-facts-about-bullying/
95. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-africa/
96. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-world-war-1/
97. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-vaping/
98. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-andes-mountains/
99. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-thomsons-gazelle/
100. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-andrew-carnegie/
101. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-doctors-without-borders/
102. https://factbud.com/2022/12/facts-about-nearsightedness/
103. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-el-salvado
104. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-dinosaurs/
105. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-isis/
106. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-tobacco/
107. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-oregon/
108. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-fall/
109. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-isabel-allende/
110. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-fort-ticonderoga/
111. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-zinc/
112. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-bees/
113. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-new-hampshire/
114. https://factbud.com/2022/11/facts-about-karl-marx/
115. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-the-taiko/
116. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-red-panda/
117. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-james-monroe/
118. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-baths-of-caracalla/
119. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-delta-works/
120. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-the-red-rive
121. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-spider-monkeys/
122. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-nevada/
123. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-guy-fawkes-day/
124. https://factbud.com/2022/10/facts-about-gary-soto/
125. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-prairie-dogs/
126. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-marimba/
127. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-golden-gate-bridge/
128. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-beef/
129. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-hibiscus/
130. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-oncilla/
131. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-flag-day/
132. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-garrett-morgan/
133. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-nebraska/
134. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-metamorphic-rocks/
135. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-jackals/
136. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-tongass-national-forest/
137. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-insomnia/
138. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-rapini/
139. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-conga-drums/
140. https://factbud.com/2022/09/facts-about-hawks/
141. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-boxing-day/
142. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-catherine-the-great/
143. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-montana/
144. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-celesta/
145. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-march/
146. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-cassowary/
147. https://factbud.com/2022/08/fascinating-facts-about-cameroon/
148. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-nurses/
149. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-saturday/
150. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-bonnie-and-clyde/
151. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-andromeda-galaxy/
152. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-the-hunger-games/
153. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-missouri/
154. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-california-condors/
155. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-sea-kale/
156. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-wilma-rudolph/
157. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-bongo-drums/
158. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-okefenokee-swamp/
159. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-jeju-island/
160. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-warthog/
161. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-guadeloupe/
162. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-mt-kilauea/
163. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-cashew-tree/
164. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-susan-laflesche-picotte/
165. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-bass-drum/
166. https://factbud.com/2022/08/facts-about-tiger-shark/
167. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-daintree-rainforest/
168. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-australia-day/
169. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-mississippi/
170. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-boats/
171. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-barley/
172. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-stonewall-jackson/
173. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-9-11-memorial-museum/
174. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-pygmy-marmoset/
175. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-minnesota/
176. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-armistice-day/
177. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-avalanches/
178. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-aloe-vera/
179. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-burmese-cat/
180. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-harvard-university/
181. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-pope-francis/
182. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-michigan/
183. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-pacific-ocean/
184. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-all-saints-day/
185. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-radish/
186. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-pelicans/
187. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-marian-anderson/
188. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-ellis-island/
189. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-massachusetts/
190. https://factbud.com/2022/07/facts-about-red-square/
191. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-neon/
192. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-remembrance-day/
193. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-ocelots/
194. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-spider-man/
195. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-katy-perry/
196. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-maryland/
197. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-pears/
198. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-pompeii/
199. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-nebula/
200. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-fluorite/
201. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-leif-erikson-day/
202. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-kouprey/
203. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-iran/
204. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-josephine-bake
205. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-blue-marlin/
206. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-cosmetology/
207. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-moon-phases/
208. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-igneous-rocks/
209. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-parsley/
210. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-mount-vesuvius/
211. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-skateboarding/
212. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-african-palm-civet/
213. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-gorongosa-national-park/
214. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-emmett-till/
215. https://factbud.com/2022/06/facts-about-vitamin-d/
216. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-bastille-day/
217. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-fire-bellied-toad/
218. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-giant-hogweed/
219. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-maine/
220. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-xylophone/
221. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-ellen-ochoa/
222. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-april-fools-day/
223. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-cuyahoga-valley-national-park-facts/
224. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-capuchin-monkey/
225. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-arc-de-triomphe/
226. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-steel-pan/
227. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-gabby-douglas/
228. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-celery/
229. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-louisiana/
230. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-water-buffalo/
231. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-el-zacaton/
232. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-glockenspiel/
233. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-hernan-cortes/
234. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-kentucky/
235. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-sloth/
236. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-groundhog-day/
237. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-siri/
238. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-johnny-appleseed/
239. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-british-columbia/
240. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-la-sagrada-familia/
241. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-colorado-rive
242. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-chewing-gum/
243. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-mudpuppy/
244. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-malala-yousafzai/
245. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-iowa/
246. https://factbud.com/2022/05/facts-about-black-history-month/
247. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-bullfighting/
248. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-glass-frog/
249. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-acadia-national-park/
250. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-buttercup/
251. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-mother-teresa/
252. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-galapagos-tortoise/
253. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-indiana/
254. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-rocky-mountain-national-park/
255. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-gymnastics/
256. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-national-hispanic-heritage-month/
257. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-cockroach/
258. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-jainism/
259. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-starbucks/
260. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-robert-frost/
261. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-black-bat-flowe
262. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-zoology/
263. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-meteorology/
264. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-crystals/
265. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-komodo-island/
266. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-veterans-day/
267. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-vitamin-c/
268. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-illinois/
269. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-chinchilla/
270. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-thurgood-marshall/
271. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-memorial-day/
272. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-amsterdam/
273. https://factbud.com/2022/04/facts-about-bull-shark/
274. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-recycling/
275. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-the-river-thames/
276. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-abyssinian-cat/
277. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-idaho/
278. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-broadway/
279. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-winston-churchill/
280. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-lighthouse-of-alexandria/
281. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-presidents-day/
282. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-agouti/
283. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-soapstone/
284. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-african-clawed-frog/
285. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-devils-towe
286. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-hawaii/
287. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-kinabalu-national-park/
288. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-louis-armstrong/
289. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-malabar-spinach/
290. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-hurricane-katrina/
291. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-bearded-dragon/
292. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-the-uffizi-gallery/
293. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-deborah-sampson/
294. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-delaware/
295. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-the-congo-rive
296. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-puerto-princesa-underground-rive
297. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-tegu/
298. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-aldous-huxley/
299. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-communism/
300. https://factbud.com/2022/03/facts-about-azurite/