Toddler backpack

Hello! I’ve got like a hiking backpack and something like the rush baby, but I was looking at more of a casual lightweight backpack toddler carrier for when the kid doesn’t want to walk when we’re at like the nature center or like city exploring.
For not being able to test it out, shelling out 175+ for something like the Lenny Preschool Carrier I’m a little nervous about. Any experiences? Thoughts?
Yeah I’d love to have my 2.5-3 year old walk only, but let’s be real, if we’re out, she gets tired, I say I can’t carry you right now, she has a meltdown. I’d rather just have some kind of good carrier for these instances.

Yesterday, my toddler said bye to the nanny (usually shoves her out of our home and other times has asked for a hug and kiss before she goes) with a hug and she hugged him: one arm across his back and the other grabbed his (diapered) butt, over his clothes. This grab seemed like a scoop across his crack, like getting up in there.
A week or two ago, I saw a similar goodbye: one arm across the back and the other hand on his butt. Hand was horizontal that time though across his (diapered, clothed) buttcheeks. She did a mouth clench and squeezed his butt and shook it a couple times. She did the mouth clenching thing that some people do when feeling cutesy - I do this when I grab my large dog’s thigh and tell him how cute he is. So last week I though nothing of that big but yesterdays made me a little uneasy.
This is her last week with us so I’m not even sure I should say anything. Would I even find out the truth if it was awful cause she’s gone in two days and would never admit it, right? Or is this a cultural thing (Hispanic) to grab a little kid like that while saying goodbye and I’m overthinking cause of my past childhood trauma?
Nanny is in her 50s. She usually packs him lunch then takes him to the park for a couple hours - I have an AppleID tag on his backpack for outings and she knows. She’s worked for families in law enforcement before who worked with the crimes against children division so she’s aware of dangers or how things could be perceived. I tell myself all this as I try to determine if I have something to worry about here.
Someone talk me off a ledge please? Is this normal to hug like that?

Legit I've had it with these people. Each one I felt wasn't enough to post here but man there have been so many I'll just throw th;em into a single post

1. Won't move back Wallace: Doors are closing on other transit users and he's just standing there with loads of room behind him. He's holding onto a handrail even though there are seats empty and his arms are outstretched. He won't move an inch so I (a smaller woman) have to duck under his arm and make room for those behind me. It's not like he has any mobility concerns that prevent him from moving back, in fact he's choosing to stand there when empty seats are behind him. This continues for 5+ stops on the crowded subway so it's not like he was getting off soon anyway
2. Purses Pam: Her purse gets its own seat even though there's a young mum with her toddler standing in the aisle. Also makes sure her cane is across the aisle so other bus riders will trip unless they see it and step over it.
3. Lying Linda: Just like Wallace, she didn't want to move back. But she told everyone it's because she was getting off next stop. After next stop, behold she's still on the train. Again and again, it's always next stop but she's still there! Others notice that she's just lying about needing to get off when she really just doesn't want to make room for others. Someone asks her to move back so she responds by stretching her arms across the aisle and grabbing both handholds on either side, and saying "why don't you make me?" Gosh these people
4. Sportsball Steve: Drunk old guy in a sports jersey staring creepily at young women on the train. He's burping, farting, and doing all sorts of gross stuff nice and loud. Puts his feet up on the seat across from him and just takes up loads of space despite the train being crowded and plenty of other riders don't have a seat. His snack wrappers are all over the floor around him
5. Mr. and Mrs. Forgot my stuff: At the bottom of a crowded escalator to the station, the wife suddenly decides she wants to find something from her husband's backpack so they stop right there in the middle after they stepped off to slowly unzip the bag and look for it. This nearly causes a pile-up from the 20+ other travelers on the same escalator who literally cannot stop and will crash into them because they're blocking the way. Legit so dangerous and lots of people could've been hurt. Like can we not walk 10 feet and then look for it? cmon now

Which ones have you run into? Why do they have to be such total jerks on public transit?

Why is it so hard to find 1.) clothing that is cute AND comfortable for hollering while pregnant and 2.) why the hell aren’t there more affordable options for children’s out door clothing? Why is Patagonia’s $ 40 upf 06-12 months seemingly my only option? I know that adapting your child to you lifestyle rather than changing your life style to accommodate the child is a bit newer generation style of parenting but seriously, it’s should not be this hard or expensive to protect my little bub from the elements, bugs and the sun.
*edit* Before having our child, my husband and I loved backpacking and mountaineering we move around the country a lot and it’s a great way to stay outside and learn about our new area. at the moment, we are living in an area where there are a lot of ticks (and a lot of Lyme disease!)makes me apprehensive to take into the woods without clothing. I’ve been able to find nice UPH/sun shirts for myself and my husband at places like target Walmart thrift shops fairly easily. But it seems as though this is a new idea to have for children. Yes, I did find a couple of uph items made from moisture wicking materials for my little. But the majority of it is still heavy fabrics like cotton that is not ideal for multiday backpacking. Nowhere in my post did I say that I was buying things like Patagonia for my child but rather annoyed seems to be one of the companies that specializes in children’s outdoor clothing more particularly for infants and toddlers. Finding a rated (20f and down)sleeping bag for a toddler seems to be difficult as well which is weird because I have one for my dog. Unless I just buy another one and use it for a-year-old instead of a dog?

I'm looking for a nappy bag that's good quality, a backpack and is on the larger side. I'll have a newborn and toddler soon and I'm already filling up a travel backpack. Also have to fit a 1L Frank Green bottle haha.
I've been looking at the Hannah & Henry Chelsea Convertible, Bambino Bagz Sofia Convertible and Audrey & Me Adapt bag.
Can anyone please give me suggestions? TIA!

Hello everyone!! I have a few questions about family camp and would greatly appreciate any tips with going with a 1yr old. thanks in advance.
Skip to bottom for questions.
a little bit about my LIB camp experience:
I love EDM and just music festivals all together. Been to most of the hard summers, beyond, countdown. id say I'm some what of an experienced festival goer. Plus love camping so LIB is just perfect.
Went to LIB the last 3 years it was in Bradley CA, it was not my favorite location due to the terrain and the risk of twisting an ankle while basically hiking from camp to festival. Yes, the view of the festival from the top of the hill was beautiful and the lake was nice too but i love how Buena Vista is flat and closer to home. (Coming from LA.) lost my friends at the festival on the first night and had to walk by myself back to camp..... it was an adventure.
unforgettable experience none the less.
Went again 21 and camped with friends at HIGH NOON. We got there on thursday mid afternoon. Did not wait long to get in and park to set up. It was duuuustyyyyy and then it rained on us on Friday? we lost a canopy due to the wind and most of my decorations were ruined. I was not prepared for rain and was upset in my tent waiting for it to stop. My friends entire foot with his shoe on was in the mud at our camp site. Some acts and stages were canceled because it was wet and the entire festival was moody. The rain did help with the dust though until it dried up. For sure I did not decorate anymore and just packed everything as if I was ready to leave. Entering the festival from High Noon was the best because it was right next to us and the whole section was a good vibe.
I got in the water that year..... had COVID by the time i got home and had to miss work for another 10 days. (not saying I got it from getting in the water. I think i got it by accidentally drinking the water. I went in with an open can of beer, friend threw a football that splashed water in my can. none of my friends got sick like me and I was the only one drinking at the lake. anyway that's my theory don't come at me.
from that experience I learned...
-easy on the decorations
-prepare for random rain
-dont drink lake water
22 went again and camped with friends, got there on Thursday early afternoon but this time we were directed to drive all the way to SUNSET. We just kept going and gooooooing.... we were basically at the end of it all. At first we were ok with the spot because it was grassy and with trees. It was nice to be away from the dust and felt that it wouldn't be so bad if it rained again. we set u camp, pregamed and headed to the festival. We then realized how far we were from the entrance and had to plan accordingly. I usually pack what i need and extra junk like little trinkets or bubbles, facepaint kit, sketch book. When we were at high noon we were able to go back and forth to camp to get stuff or reload on drinks. Our camp at Sunset was so far away from the entrance that forgetting something meant leaving it for the day or missing a whole set. I didn't make it to any of the morning yoga sessions. The closest portapotties to our camp were far, the showers were almost close to the entrance. Ice too. I regreated not brining my bike to use for those errands. I know walking is a given at LIB but that walk from camp really changed it up for me. I missed HIGH NOON and my bike! Our side of the campground was very quiet at night, less renagaades and lots of space that was not used by the group camping or RVs. Our entires camp could fit in one of those empty spaces that were closer to the festival. We ended up using the portas that i think were meant for staff since they were at the outskirts of camp. They were the most cleaned portas I've ever used at a festival. On Saturday evening we packed up our drinks and headed to the festival. Of course we packed it all cause it was a one way trip. We get to the entrance and see police checking bags and not letting in people with alcohol. My husband had a brand new bag of wine in his backpack. We were all loaded up. Only option we had was to drink it on the spot, leave it or WALK IT BACK TO CAMP.... walk it back to camp?. Im telling you it was that far.. plus we were headed to woogie.
anyway, that's part of my experience. Overall it has been ok. I know I can spend days preparing and still forget something. and the unexpected is all part of the adventure.
Missed last year because my baby was only 2 month and I thought it would be insane to expose him to the dust and heat then. I know its not impossible, I've seen infants at LIB as well as pregnant women. it was not the right time for us yet.
This year we are going with baby E! and I cant wait to experience LIB with him. I'm also nervous about it. I had a hard time deciding between the Easy peasy RV and the family camp but decided to do family camp because I would love for him to interact with other kids.
my questions:
what does family camp look like? I'm worried about the dust, the heat.
showers? is there a designated shower station at family camp?
recharging stations only for cellphones??
What are some must have for a toddlers?.
We got a wagon, and I'm taking a bike this year. Altho the map shows family camp closer to the festival it would be helpful to travel faster and save energy.
I read that art cars can be used to travel across the festival. I've always seen them and admired them but never thought I could ride them too. is that true?

Hi there,
I am looking for a partner who can match my energy, effort, and thoughtfulness. I want to wake up and think to myself "she is too good for me" and make sure that I remind her of that often. Above all, I am looking for someone who is emotionally available, caring, communicative, and capable of giving AND receiving love. I am a father, divorced, and really excited for the next chapter of my life. I imagine building a home that is not only a comfortable place for us but also a safe harbor for all - family, friends, and whoever needs support!
I cherish being a father! I have a 4 year old. Open to more kids; either existing ones or if we'll need to make brand new ones. :p. Here's a peek into our lives.
That one time we almost went viral.
Some of our adventures.
I'm an aerospace engineer, working for an exciting startup. I'm passionate about my field and can talk about it endlessly (fair warning!). just as important - I would love to listen to you talk about what you are passionate about. Let me see the way your eyes light up when you nerd out about your favorite topic!
I am comfortable in a diverse range of settings. Whether it's exploring new cities and countries (20ish countries so far, a lot more to go), backpacking, camping, checking out a new musical in town, or road-trips, I am always up for new experiences. I've recently campervanned for a few weeks in New Zealand with a toddler - talk about an adventure!
I have my ish together! mentally, fiscally, emotionally, and professionally... and I hope that you do as well! I'm comfortable in my skin and with who and what I am, while I continue to improve myself.
What else! Dad jokes, growth mindset, self-betterment, avid non-fiction readelistener, personal finances / planning for the future, fixing and building things.
My beard has a three-month cycle, but we can negotiate that. 😄
I even find everyday tasks therapeutic – yes, even cleaning!
If you're curious to learn more or have questions, shoot me a message. Let's get to know each other!
.

Hi there,
I am looking for a partner who can match my energy, effort, and thoughtfulness. I want to wake up and think to myself "she is too good for me" and make sure that I remind her of that often. Above all, I am looking for someone who is emotionally available, caring, communicative, and capable of giving AND receiving love. I am a father, divorced, and really excited for the next chapter of my life. I imagine building a home that is not only a comfortable place for us but also a safe harbor for all - family, friends, and whoever needs support!
I cherish being a father! I have a 4 year old. Open to more kids; either existing ones or if we'll need to make brand new ones. :p. Here's a peek into our lives.
That one time we almost went viral.
Some of our adventures.
I'm an aerospace engineer, working for an exciting startup. I'm passionate about my field and can talk about it endlessly (fair warning!). just as important - I would love to listen to you talk about what you are passionate about. Let me see the way your eyes light up when you nerd out about your favorite topic!
I am comfortable in a diverse range of settings. Whether it's exploring new cities and countries (20ish countries so far, a lot more to go), backpacking, camping, checking out a new musical in town, or road-trips, I am always up for new experiences. I've recently campervanned for a few weeks in New Zealand with a toddler - talk about an adventure!
I have my ish together! mentally, fiscally, emotionally, and professionally... and I hope that you do as well! I'm comfortable in my skin and with who and what I am, while I continue to improve myself.
What else! Dad jokes, growth mindset, self-betterment, avid non-fiction readelistener, personal finances / planning for the future, fixing and building things.
My beard has a three-month cycle, but we can negotiate that. 😄
I even find everyday tasks therapeutic – yes, even cleaning!
​
If you're curious to learn more or have questions, shoot me a message. Let's get to know each other!
​
.

I’m a 103 lb 5’3”, which is important because my 32 lbs of solo gear for backpacking is doable but quite hard on my joints. I want to do BOTH backpacking and camping with my children. Husband is able to help some of the time but due to job reasons, will not be available for all camping/backpacking adventures. There’s no gear rental anywhere close to me. Do I:
A) Go the light route. Big Agnes everything - rapid double mat + regular mat, big Agnes UL4 or maybe even UL3 or copper Spur? Would get footprints of course.
B) go the heavier, possibly more durable route because toddlers and we sometimes camp in desert. Northface Wawona 4 person tent + expedition megmat long wide + regular mat for me
C) get a mix of A and B
D) get both A and B, using A for backpacking and B for regular camping
I’m really hoping to do Havasupai with the children. I’ve done it solo already and do realize with kids, I’ll most likely have to bank on either helicopter availability or mule availability, neither of which is a guarantee. Kids have been hiking and exercising but for a 10 mile hike, will need to use the kid carrier.

Anxious about expanding family with rescue dog that has bite history with adult male humans
Hello everyone,
I am mostly writing to put down my thoughts and fears into one place and hoping to hear suggestions from internet strangers with experience in this matter.
We adopted a 2 year old rescue lab pit mix through a local organization 5 months ago, let's call him P.
General demeanor: Very sweet, loving in his home with his family (one male and one female household ). He has been introduced to our immediate family that are mostly women and has even stayed with them when we took a 3 day holiday with no issues. He is absolutely terrified of loud urban environments and doesn't even want to go on walks in our quiet neighborhood. He is fearful of garbage trucks, sudden noises, garbage bags, etc. He loves car rides, walking on trails. We go to trails when we can. We are currently enrolled in a 10 week obedience course from a balanced trainer that came recommended by our vet for behavioural issues. He is doing well and has learnt to walk with less pulling, knows sit, stay, down, roll over with 50-80% consistency and we are working on improving it. He is crate trained and we are working on him tolerating a muzzle.
History: When we were adopting him, his foster mentioned that he nipped a friend of his when they were all at the beach. The friend went to grab a backpack from a pile of things where P was sitting. His foster explained this as a guarding behavior, that he was protecting his belongings. He mentioned that it was only a nip and not a full bite. The foster also mentioned a nip towards his female partner related to food aggression that quickly went away after she hand fed P.
Recent Incidents since P coming home with us:

1. P was sitting on the couch, my partner was in the kitchen and his friend was in our living room. P was already introduced to this friend a few times prior. The friend was playing with P and he shoved his face near his. P bit his ear and broke skin, a little blood, no stitches needed. The friend was tended to immediately and he felt that it was partly his fault. If this was the only incident that P had, I would not be writing this post.
   
2. This one was more serious. By this point we know P's boundaries and let all visitors know to give P space. P along with his human (my partner) met a friend while on the sidewalk. Friend stayed outside to continue to chat with another neighbor. My partner left the front door unlocked for friend to walk into our home. 10-15 minutes later friend let himself him. P ran towards the door with his tail wagging. Then a few minutes later my partner who was a few feet away heard screaming and P running away with his tail tucked in. P approached the friend with his tail tucked in and bit his crotch area. Broke skin with scratches.
   

Now that we know of two very different incidents, we have a protocol of what we do when people come to our home.

1. Near miss Another male came to our home with a few other female guests. We decided to do our protocol that we came up with after discussion with his current trainer. We introduce everyone outside of our home first with lots of treats. Continue to treat as we enter home and keep P on a leash. As we are all standing in the living room, P very casually turns around to bite the male's crotch area again! Since he was on the leash, he wasn't successful at biting but made contact with his pants. He let out a slight growl as this male sat himself on the couch. I then brought a huge bowl of treats and let this male hand feed treats the whole time while I kept him on the leash. This incident was very minor as other people didn't even notice that P misbehaved.

Some good things and bad.

1. P has never showed any aggression towards males, strangers or not while outside of our home. Stopping on a trail, or in our neighborhood talking to someone etc. Mostly disinterested in pulling towards people or other dogs.
   
2. P's foster used to let him run around without a leash in a very busy urban park with many people and dogs walking around. He said that he did it everyday and I'm assuming with no incidents.
   
3. Trend of biting is towards males in our home. The worrisome bit is they come with little or no warning such growling, barking etc.
   
4. Our trainer seems to feel that he can be trained and both actual bite incidents were not that bad and were justified in P's mind. P was likely guarding himself and his home during both incidents and may feel threatened with males in his space.
   
5. The near miss nip did let me see a version of this where it can be managed, although I feel a lot of stress around it.
   
6. Here is the big question... We have a baby on the way and have several months to prep. I know it's right of me to worry but is it reasonable to say that we do not know if P will be aggressive towards a baby or a toddler? He is sweet with everyone at home and tolerates all kind of invasion of his space by his current too humans. I am not hoping for P and baby to be besties, in fact, we will have to keep them 100% separated at all times as P is unpredictable. A part of me feels it's unfair to P if I get too anxious about this even before baby arrives and haven't even given him a chance to see how he behaves in that environment. This is what my partner's thoughts are right now.
   

I am very anxious about this and wanted to write this as I won't have a chance to speak to our trainer until the end of this week.
Tldr: Dog has biting history with adult males, in different situations. How much should I worry about welcoming a newborn in a few months? Should I let the baby arrive and see how dog reacts before making big decisions that alter dogs life. Dog is sweet and loving with his both male and female humans.

A lot of people seemed to find my last post helpful, and ever since discovering this profile it’s all I want to talk about, because it feels like the ultimate discovery into finally understanding why I am the way that I am. This is VERY lengthy but I wanted to include as many examples as I could.
PDA is demand avoidance caused by inborn extreme anxiety, but while a lot of resources discuss external signs of it, like young boys throwing big tantrums (standard traumatic fight response) there is very little literature on how it can present in girls (who often use fawn, freeze, or flight). Unsurprisingly, a lot of girls focus their anxiety inwards and act in ways that seem to be the opposite of what PDA would look like, but the root cause of anxiety and resulting distress is the same. Importantly, since this is something you’re born with and experience at almost all times, you may not even realize it’s actually anxiety. (I definitely didn’t). So here are a lot of things I experienced since birth that you may relate to:
As a baby: Extremely passive. Never cried. Appeared “needless”. Late to start talking, but could understand everything being said to me, and eventually jumped straight to speaking in full sentences. I appeared to be a very easy, quiet, needless baby.
As a toddler: This is when the high independence of PDA began to show. I enjoyed doing everything myself. I got myself ready for preschool and didn’t want any help. I was extremely quiet/withdrawn, but my anxiety didn’t take the form of tantrums or meltdowns - my mom said when I was upset, I would just go completely quiet and withdraw (freezing). This is what I’ve always done as an adult, and I always wondered why I seemed to have such a traumatic response of withdrawing from every perceived difficulty. It is extremely hard for me to open up or ask for help, despite growing up with wonderful supportive parents. I often seem to go mute under social stress. I now know it’s genetic and out of my control.
As an elementary kid: In school I was extremely obedient (fawning response). Stereotypical gifted student that was very prone to zoning out and daydreaming. I was very socially savvy. It was extremely important for me to fit in and not stand out in any possible way (hence why my masking feels so involuntary and natural). I satisfied my high need for control and autonomy by following every rule at all times. I was the perfect student, never acted out, was very eager to please, and the idea of getting in trouble was terrifying because it no longer felt like I was in control. Even now as an adult, I cannot stand seeing people break minor rules. I appeared to be very social in school and had a group of friends I got along with. I engaged in pretend play and made eye contact.
As an elementary kid at home, things were a little more difficult. I struggled a lot with hygiene and things like changing my underwear. I constantly struggled to keep my room clean, and the more my mom pushed me, the less I could do it (freeze response). On the rare occasions that I felt up for cleaning my room, I felt the need to be very discrete about it, because any acknowledgment of the fact that I was actually cleaning my room would cause me to no longer want to do it.
I was still highly independent, but a lot of things I insisted on doing by myself also seemed to have a layer of shame involved. I was (and am) a deeply private person, and hate feeling vulnerable in anyway. So while my mom would happily make my siblings school lunches or do their laundry, I insisted on doing these myself. Especially once I started wearing training bras - the idea of someone else doing my laundry felt mortifying to me as a 12 year old. There are many childhood situations I now reflect on where I wonder why I didn’t just ask for help when I was struggling. It just truly never occurred to me.
Middle school: As school expectations grew, my ability to do them shrunk. I was a very smart kid, so I could still get by unnoticed, but this is when my extreme procrastination started. I could never bring myself to do any homework at home. It was always an extremely last minute, rushed thing right before classes started. I struggled heavily with participation, not only because it’s genuinely difficult for me to be put on the spot, but because I knew it was an expectation.
High school and college: This was the start of my extreme school avoidance. I hated going to school. I wouldn’t outright refuse, but I would always say I was sick or struggling in some sort of way that was intended to manipulate my mom. When I did actually go, as a form of control, I constantly zoned out during classes and lectures. Even when I went on ADHD meds, nothing overpowered this need to remain in control, even if it was just in my head. The more school I missed, the harder it became to go. If a teacher ever gave us time in class to work on an assignment, I would use that time to work on any other assignment except the one we were supposed to be doing (flight response - running away from the anxiety of the current expectation). Some of my biggest periods of productivity are not actually motivated by a desire to be productive, but a desire to escape and avoid whatever current task is being asked of me.
It took me 5.5 years to graduate college due to the constant dropping out of classes or failing them at the very end. The closer I got to graduating, the more pressure I felt and the harder it became. I would truly become frozen. The amount of hours I spent in raging tears at 3 am, angry that I could not bring myself to finish a necessary final that was due 3 hours ago, is actually insane.
Before I realized it was autism, I was very convinced in college that I had avoidant personality disorder. Avoiding social situations was easy for me to see/be aware of, but it took a couple years before I realized this avoidance is actually directed towards nearly everything.
Now as an adult: I am a functioning adult with a full time job, but no one ever sees the struggle that goes into it. I often spend hours on my couch after work doing nothing, despite having things I want to get done. Groceries often get wasted due to the pressure of eating them. Over the counter meds don’t get taken when needed due to the pressure of taking them. I could never bring myself to take my makeup off at night despite wanting to have clean skin, so the only solution was to stop wearing it.
I am almost never consciously aware of my anxiety, but brain mapping has shown that I have an extremely overactive amygdala, and as a result of it, my brain shuts down extremely easily. Example: Every week, I go to my piano teacher’s apartment for a piano lesson. I will play a song I’ve played 100+ times, but the second I make a minor mistake or feel the slightest pressure, my brain feels like it shuts down. I can no longer read the music, I can no longer play the notes I was playing 5 seconds ago, and outwardly I feel like I just come across as slow or dumb.
I always felt that I was extremely intelligent when I was by myself, but when I’m in a classroom or around other people, the pressure from the anxiety is just too strong. It is extremely difficult for me to relax my brain enough to have natural back and forth conversations with people. My thoughts flow freely with a very small handful of people I trust, but a wall goes up with everyone else. Emotionally and mentally I do not feel like an anxious person, but this anxiety is the driving force behind almost everything I do. On very rare occasions (often in unfamiliar social situations) I will have panic attacks, but they don’t look or feel like panic attacks. I usually become very fidgety and feel the need to go through my purse or backpack or make it look like I’m doing something, because I’m actually panicking and truly have no idea what to actually do in those moments. I often come out of them with no memory of where I put my phone or keys because I was so dissociated.
Also as an adult: You would never know it, but I am naturally an extremely controlling and bossy person. In public and with friends, I have no issue with presenting an extremely laid-back, go with the flow manner; however, when I’m in the safety of my home with my boyfriend that I fully trust, I am very demanding. I like to control everything in my environment, down to the tapping of my boyfriend’s foot, or the volume of his phone. I also experience a lot of anxiety when I feel like I can’t control a social situation - I hate mixing my friends and romantic partner for this very reason. I feel in control when I’m with my best friend, and I feel in control when I’m with my partner, but if it’s all 3 of us together, I’m no longer in control of how the situation may play out, and it makes me extremely anxious to play the role of the mutual friend.
Every time I go to a restaurant, especially a new one, I feel a compulsive urge to look up everything I can about the restaurant. Before I’ve ever stepped foot in a restaurant, I will already know the menu, already have my order written down in my notes, already know the layout of the restaurant from looking at pictures online. I mentioned this to an ex bf one time and he was like “.. that sounds like extreme anxiety.” I argued with him that it actually wasn’t at all, it was just something I enjoyed doing, but looking back now he was absolutely right.
Despite avoidance being so common in my day to day life, there are certain things that I don’t feel a need to avoid. If a reasonable request is made and I understand why, I usually have no issue. If a request is coming from a person I trust and respect and want to please, I will have no issue doing it (very common at work - my bosses really like me and I love the autonomy they give me). Demands are also much easier when I feel like I’m in control of my current life. A lot of my “adult” habits, like keeping a clean apartment, making my bed, doing laundry, etc have been turned into habits through what genuinely feels to be brute force (and the help of stimulant meds). I am constantly amazed at the fact that I can keep my space relatively clean and functional, because it truly does not come naturally to me.
So looking at my life with the PDA lens, my accomplishments no longer just feel impressive, they feel miraculous. If you have a PDA profile you are working against your brain at every step of the way. It feels like you are a walking bundle of contradictions, and it feels impossible to please every part of your brain at the same time. I always wondered why I was so content by just doing nothing. I am a person who truly does not ever experience boredom, because doing nothing is my preferred state of being at almost all times. I have a very active mind and very big imagination, and it is almost always more satisfying to live in that head rather than have to face any kind of expectation in the real world.
Lastly, learning about the PDA profile made it so much easier for me to forgive my parents for never noticing the signs of autism. They always said I was extremely observant of people, but that I still played and interacted and seemingly appeared totally normal. It made me so angry to hear them talk like that, like how could they not see the signs? It made it much more difficult for my evaluation as well, because you can’t be diagnosed with autism if you don’t show signs in childhood, and my mom’s questionnaire she filled out made me appear completely typical. But of course they didn’t notice - I was literally doing everything in my power to go unnoticed and fit in as much as possible. A PDA profile has the potential to drastically alter how autism can present, and it is so important for professionals in the autism community to be aware of. I will continue sharing its existence as much as I can, because having the language to describe a struggle you’ve had your entire life does not fix the struggle, but makes it immensely easier to understand and handle.
Last tidbit before I throw my phone across the room to try and attempt homework: My love language has always, hands down, been acts of service. The amount of appreciation I feel for someone making my bed or doing a simple task for me is actually a little crazy. It may be easy for them, but for me it can feel impossible, so to know that they did something that would have no doubt caused me immense difficulty means the world to me.
If you ever want to talk more about PDA, even if you see this post months later, please don’t hesitate to message me! Clearly I love talking about it a little too much

Hello everyone,
I am mostly writing to put down my thoughts and fears into one place and hoping to hear suggestions from internet strangers with experience in this matter.
We adopted a 2 year old rescue lab pit mix through a local organization 5 months ago, let's call him P.
General demeanor: Very sweet, loving in his home with his family (one male and one female household ). He has been introduced to our immediate family that are mostly women and has even stayed with them when we took a 3 day holiday with no issues. He is absolutely terrified of loud urban environments and doesn't even want to go on walks in our quiet neighborhood. He is fearful of garbage trucks, sudden noises, garbage bags, etc. He loves car rides, walking on trails. We go to trails when we can. We are currently enrolled in a 10 week obedience course from a balanced trainer that came recommended by our vet for behavioural issues. He is doing well and has learnt to walk with less pulling, knows sit, stay, down, roll over with 50-80% consistency and we are working on improving it. He is crate trained and we are working on him tolerating a muzzle.
History: When we were adopting him, his foster mentioned that he nipped a friend of his when they were all at the beach. The friend went to grab a backpack from a pile of things where P was sitting. His foster explained this as a guarding behavior, that he was protecting his belongings. He mentioned that it was only a nip and not a full bite. The foster also mentioned a nip towards his female partner related to food aggression that quickly went away after she hand fed P.
Recent Incidents since P coming home with us:

1. P was sitting on the couch, my partner was in the kitchen and his friend was in our living room. P was already introduced to this friend a few times prior. The friend was playing with P and he shoved his face near his. P bit his ear and broke skin, a little blood, no stitches needed. The friend was tended to immediately and he felt that it was partly his fault. If this was the only incident that P had, I would not be writing this post.
   
2. This one was more serious. By this point we know P's boundaries and let all visitors know to give P space. P along with his human (my partner) met a friend while on the sidewalk. Friend stayed outside to continue to chat with another neighbor. My partner left the front door unlocked for friend to walk into our home. 10-15 minutes later friend let himself him. P ran towards the door with his tail wagging. Then a few minutes later my partner who was a few feet away heard screaming and P running away with his tail tucked in. P approached the friend with his tail tucked in and bit his crotch area. Broke skin with scratches.
   

Now that we know of two very different incidents, we have a protocol of what we do when people come to our home.

1. Near miss Another male came to our home with a few other female guests. We decided to do our protocol that we came up with after discussion with his current trainer. We introduce everyone outside of our home first with lots of treats. Continue to treat as we enter home and keep P on a leash. As we are all standing in the living room, P very casually turns around to bite the male's crotch area again! Since he was on the leash, he wasn't successful at biting but made contact with his pants. He let out a slight growl as this male sat himself on the couch. I then brought a huge bowl of treats and let this male hand feed treats the whole time while I kept him on the leash. This incident was very minor as other people didn't even notice that P misbehaved.

Some good things and bad.

1. P has never showed any aggression towards males, strangers or not while outside of our home. Stopping on a trail, or in our neighborhood talking to someone etc. Mostly disinterested in pulling towards people or other dogs.
   
2. P's foster used to let him run around without a leash in a very busy urban park with many people and dogs walking around. He said that he did it everyday and I'm assuming with no incidents.
   
3. Trend of biting is towards males in our home. The worrisome bit is they come with little or no warning such growling, barking etc.
   
4. Our trainer seems to feel that he can be trained and both actual bite incidents were not that bad and were justified in P's mind. P was likely guarding himself and his home during both incidents and may feel threatened with males in his space.
   
5. The near miss nip did let me see a version of this where it can be managed, although I feel a lot of stress around it.
   
6. Here is the big question... We have a baby on the way and have several months to prep. I know it's right of me to worry but is it reasonable to say that we do not know if P will be aggressive towards a baby or a toddler? He is sweet with everyone at home and tolerates all kind of invasion of his space by his current too humans. I am not hoping for P and baby to be besties, in fact, we will have to keep them 100% separated at all times as P is unpredictable. A part of me feels it's unfair to P if I get too anxious about this even before baby arrives and haven't even given him a chance to see how he behaves in that environment. This is what my partner's thoughts are right now.
   

I am very anxious about this and wanted to write this as I won't have a chance to speak to our trainer until the end of this week.
Tldr: Dog has biting history with adult males, in different situations. How much should I worry about welcoming a newborn in a few months? Should I let the baby arrive and see how dog reacts before making big decisions that alter dogs life. Dog is sweet and loving with his both male and female humans.

I’m sorry if this is a commonly rehashed topic. I get overwhelmed when looking up old threads.
I’ll be traveling internationally this summer (three flights with the longest being around 8 hours) with two kids. I’m hoping to be hands-free and get a very legit backpack that can hold the diapers, changes of clothes, pull ups, toys, water bottles, and snacks. I hate when I can’t access stuff quickly, and I like a lot of compartments. Nothing’s worse than having to deconstruct the entire bag just to get to one item when your kids are melting down! lol.
I’m also looking at the Flyaway kids beds if anyone has insight on those.
Any recommendations? Thanks so much!!!

I'm looking for a canvas drawstring backpack that I can use every day to carry basic items for me and my toddler when we run errands. Easy enough, but I have a few added features I'd like and I'm wondering if someone in this sub might have a recommendation. Aside from being canvas, or any durable, natural material, I'd really like to find something with interior pockets and something ethically made, if possible. Some other neat but unnecessary features would be: - small top carry handles - exterior pockets - adjustable strap length
Any ideas would be appreciated, even if they don't fulfill all the criteria. TYIA!

I took two negative tests, and got light bleeding just now.
After I explained (in depth) he was really sweet, surprised me with some garden supplies I contemplated getting and generally tried to be kind.
Because so many people are asking: at my OBGYNs recommendation we are using condoms, but they are not fail proof and I’d like to be on top of things.
Further, some more context; the long list of instances I’ve been referring to in my original post:

• I have dragged him to couples therapy, had him try three different therapists, started couples therapy workbooks with him, none of them he was comfortable with. Basically he’s dying on the hill of: none of the therapists around here are qualified enough for my standards and “we have good stretches, any bad stretch will pass”
• He did not tell his side of the family about my second pregnancy until the baby was born, basically because the time never felt right
• When he deemed a grocery item unhealthy he wouldn’t pick it up and edit my pick up orders
• He has hidden candy I’ve been gifted and non organic baking ingredients in his closet, especially when I’m pregnant
• At the same time he struggles to eat the food I’m making and eats a lot of Nutella sandwiches and ice cream, trying to hide it from toddler and instead not offering any snack to toddler.
• He thinks he is gluten intolerant and me cooking with any gluten is always a huge source of stress for him for fear of contamination
• I’m doing all the cleaning, cooking, gardening and laundry, he runs errands and is in charge of the dog, I’m a SAHM and he’s working half days right now (possible because I inherited the house). In my mind I’m running around all day while he struggles to pull his weight.
• We’ve had several stretches where I’d notice that he doesn’t say I love you back; when I inquired it was something like he didn’t like my new glasses and wants to find his partner pretty, therefore he struggles to feel love. I got different glasses and he was exuberant
• In general, my need for affirmation is not met and I have communicated and am modelling that
• He got a new Tesla when baby #2 was on her way because we needed more room, now he wants no dog hair in that car, so we’re yet to use the car for it’s intended purpose: fitting the entire family and every purchase I want to make is a discussion
• For instance when our vacuum cleaner broke he got one used that really didn’t work well and it was several exhausting discussions until I got a proper one.
• He had falling outs with several of my girlfriends and doesn’t want them to visit when he is here
• He can’t sleep In the same room with us, so since our first was born I’m sleeping alone with the kids, managing a baby and toddler all night.
• He does not have the patience and gets really angry when for instance attempting to do toddler’s bed time routine, so that’s all on me as well
• He often goes to bed early and then has the nerve to complain if I’m making noise finishing dinner cleanup etc
• He thinks he has a fragrance allergy, so I’m really limited in the products I can use, let alone make the house or myself smell nice for my own enjoyment. Recently, the dog had diarrhoea all over the carpet, but he didn’t want to rent a proper carpet cleaner for fear of the solutions potential smell, so I had to figure out a fragrancy free way to clean it by hand.
• He’s had a nail fungus on his left hand for years and I kept reminding him to make a doctors appointment and then I had to beg him to to take his meds, because he was afraid of the side effects until finally the baby and I got thrush and he relented
• He is the kind of person that forgets to replace empty toilet paper, struggles to remember to use a toilet brush, leaves dirty dishes everywhere etc
• When I was on bedrest for both babies it took a lot of asking and continues reminding for him to do the things I usually do and I felt exhausted
• When I had our first, he didn’t want to stay at the hospital, didn’t want to come to the first round of induction because he was tired and after baby was born, opened the window and left it open all night, after a nurse with a laundry detergent smell he didn’t like came in to check on us. Baby had lowered body temperature then in the morning and the nurses were really concerned. I was too exhausted from birth to catch that then.
• For some reason he was really sad on our wedding day; he says he was triggered from taking pictures, because his mom Would always force him to take pictures, but that doesn’t sound quite right to me.

I’ve been asked for the reasons I do stay a few times:

• Mainly, I’m afraid he’ll struggle to adequately take care of the kids on his own with split custody like changing diapers on time, feeding them often enough and nutritiously, dressing them for the weather etc.
• The things he does do I would then have to do myself, I wonder wether that is worth it
• We are great friends
• I should have known it would be like this when he never learned to replace toilet paper rolls, it’s my own fault.

Edit:
to answer some recurring questions:

• what i mean by friends is taking the kids and dogs for stroller runs together, training for a marathon, going on hikes and backpacking together, he makes me laugh, it makes me really happy seeing him play with the kids, we share a passion for meditation, yoga and animal rights, we agree on attachment parenting.
  
• things I realise I should have mentioned: he's actually taking the toddler to the playground a lot so baby and I have some space to get things done without the tot "helping" and he wears baby for all her naps when he is working from home.
  
• he eats gluten free brad that I bake for him (because many people assume he eats gluten bread)
  
• we have been sleeping together because many parenting books and advice I read recommend scheduling weekly intimacy for connection and oxytocin to be better parents together. In my mind it has been something I'm doing for the kids. But after this pregnancy scare I'm done with that.
  

Conclusion: I'll sit him down asap and issue and ultimatum, thank you all for the tough love and support

We live back on dirt roads that are often used for off-roading. There are some kids that live on the road behind us that are constantly riding a 4-wheeler and dirt bike up and down these roads . I'm talking about a real 4 wheeler -not some little power wheels thing. They go very fast -even around corners. One of them is in our child's class -4th grade (9 or 10) and the other is a year or two younger . These kids are never supervised while riding and it scares the crap out of me knowing how easy it is to flip and/or crash. They even fly up the hill next to our house that people sometimes drive down. It seems like it's a "way of life" around here to let your kids roam free and have fun, but I feel like this is taking it too far. I'm always worried I'll find one of them flipped . Well yesterday was the last straw for me. I was taking a walk with a neighbor , the dogs and my toddler in the hiking backpack. The kids suddenly came flying around the corner behind us. The one on the 4 wheeler wasn't even looking forward. He was looking back at his brother for a good several seconds instead of straight ahead so he didn't even see us. I moved out of the way before he got close enough to hit us and put my hand out for him to stop. Once he stopped I proceeded to yell at him and tell him they need to slow down and watch where they are going. Unfortunately this isn't the first time something has been said to them so I doubt it'll help. Nobody has spoken to the parents but I have a feeling they won't do anything given they think it's okay to let the kids ride alone. The neighbor who was walking with me has a state police officer for a husband and he mentioned stopping by in uniform to have a talk -maybe it'll scare them enough to be careful. Anyway -AITA for yelling at this kid who isn't mine for driving unsafely ?

My wife, 2 year old son, and I will be traveling to Hokkaido this June. It’ll be our 5th time in Japan (second time to Hokkaido but we’ve only done Otaru and Shakotan), but first time there with our son. We’re arriving early morning to Tokyo Haneda and have a few questions.
Our idea is to split our time between Hakodate and Sapporo as we had to cancel a trip to Hakodate in 2020 right as COVID was breaking out and we’ve always wanted to go there. Our flight out of Japan leaves from Sapporo, so we want to start in Hakodate and end in Sapporo.
Here are a few questions:
Do these locations seem good for a two year old? I know we’ll want to take a day trip to Asahiyama zoo. Other than that, nature and food is pretty much the agenda. Our son is used to being abroad as we travel internationally a few times a year. We’re not a “pack everything in” travel family so we don’t want a super packed itinerary.
Is it better to fly or take the Shinkansen to Hakodate? It seems like the prices are comparable, so I’m really just looking at what will be most convenient and enjoyable for my son.
Should we do a rail pass or rent a car to travel through Hokkaido? I’m very comfortable driving in foreign countries, but not sure how useful the car would be when we’re in the cities or if we can rent a car seat there.
Is there somewhere nice to spend a night in between Hakodate and Sapporo to break up the trip?
Any other suggestions for a family with a toddler in terms of things to do / places to see. I’m happy to put my kid in a travel backpack to hike or walk around.