I never thought I would find myself needing to recount the events that transpired during my childhood. 

When the idea of typing this came about, I didn’t think I would even be able to find the words to describe them. However, maybe due to recent contact with the government, the memories I had long buried in the dusty recesses of my memory have dug themselves up and crawled back into the light of my mind’s eye in vivid detail. Now that I am free to speak, and now that I have summoned the courage to, my message to you, especially the parents among you is this, do not leave your children at Sunny Smiles Daycare.
I was about 4 when my parents divorced. It was a long, arduous process, full of broken promises and uncomfortable truths. My mother had left a year prior, off to Vegas to be with her lover who would fly over on weekends and destroy my parent’s of holy matrimony. It took quite a toll on my father. He was never very present in the going on of my life, and while he tried, an awkwardness had formed between us, a chasm that made it difficult to do much of anything. It was ever present, both of us trying to cope with the tender void left in the wake of my mother.
We tried to fill it with each other, but our relationship wasn’t strong enough to bear the weight of my mom’s departure. Adding on to this was that most of the day he was gone, working to keep the roof we had over our heads. He hired a slew of nannies to fill the empty days his job made, but I always complained about them. I felt like a stranger in my own life, with people I didn’t know making themselves at home in the house that felt foreign to me now. I really just wanted my mom and dad back, for them to come together, forgive each other in a heartfelt bout of passion, and make time for me in their lives again. But as a child, I quickly learned to stifle my hopes and stopped believing in such silly fairy tales.
My father felt guilty about the whole thing, I could see it in his eyes. Even back then I knew the look of someone trying their best and failing. It was the look my mother gave me every time she came home late on a Saturday night, a crestfallen look of disappointment in not me or my father, but herself. She had promised me that everything would be okay, that the fighting wasn’t anything but grown-up talk. “A family,” she said, “always stays together”. But soon, all I got was promises that didn’t lead anywhere. The two of them made so many promises that if they were worth anything, I’d have been the richest kid in the world.
But all I got was a trip to a daycare, a way for my father to remedy this guilt, to distance himself from the reminder of all the promises he had failed to keep.
According to his searches from the time, he stumbled upon Sunny Smiles Daycare in his search, seeing it was new, very close by. It had only been open for a month and had nothing but five star reviews, with no justification as to the rating under any of the comments. When looking at their website, it is described as a “government owned amenity here to serve families in need. We are expanding everyday, and with the help of certain patrons we have expanded to the national level”. According to the FBI, whom which I have spoken to at length about my experiences, no federal or state funds from any agency were allocated to construct a national daycare system. However, there is documentation from congressional records of a meeting of the Committee of Education and the Workforce passing an anonymous bill into Congress to be voted on. When interviewed, none of the members of the committee recalled voting on such a bill, and no record of whether the bill was ratified or not was found.
One night, my father called for me from the ground floor. I cautiously maneuvered down the long, spiral stairs, gripping tightly onto the railing so as not to tumble down the treacherous staircase, my fear of heights taking hold even at such a young age. As I rounded the stairs, I saw my father standing in the living room, hands on his hips, tapping his foot rapidly. He had come home in a gray suit, tailored to his filled out build, with neat, dark hair combed over to hide his large, reflective forehead. As I completed my descent, my father turned to me, a smile so wide that the strain was practically audible on his face. I didn’t think much of it then, if anything I was happy that my father finally showed me something other than his inner struggles.
“Hey buddy, guess what we are gonna do tomorrow?” he said, his smile practically bursting out of his face.
“What?” I asked, his excited expression acting as a pathogen of enthusiasm.
“Tomorrow, you're going to go to a new place. It’s called Sunny Smiles Daycare. It’s a place where you can make tons of new friends. Isn’t that exciting?” he led me on in the way that parents do. I was confused.
“Sunny Smiles Daycare,” I repeated hollowly, spitting the words out due to their funny taste in my mouth.
“Will you come with me?” I asked tentatively, bracing for disappointment.
“No buddy, they don’t let grown-ups like me in. It’s just for you kids. But hey, I bet you're gonna have so much fun that you’ll forget all about me. I bet you won’t even want to leave,” he promised, trying to redirect the impact of his answer. I had heard the same speech often. Every time he laid down some shiny new thing at my feet, hoping to placate me with sacrifices like I was some bloodthirsty deity, he tried to convince me that this time, the hole bored into my heart would finally be filled with this cheap, flashy toy. And for the most part, I went along with it, both to find salvation in something frivolous and to ease my father’s own guilty demons. And this was no different. In as excited a voice I could muster I replied “I can’t wait!” The smile he wore shrunk a bit, but in turn, it looked much less plastic, and more real, a warmth returning to his features.
“I’m glad little man. You hungry?” I nodded vigorously.
“Great, what do ya want?”
“Dino nuggets,” my favorite.
My father nodded, before rushing off to the kitchen in order to prepare a gourmet serving of dino nuggets. I followed, clumsily running to catch up to him, desperate for the warmth of his smile once more.
“How your day go?” I asked rather clumsily. I had learned the basic abcs and enough words to speak, but the construction of sentences was something I had struggled with. I rarely talked at all and didn’t get many chances to do so.
“It was great, bud! I talked to a lady at the daycare we are gonna go to tomorrow, and she said they have over 50 kids there! They’ve got coloring books and dollies and even a playground inside! They’ve got books and paint an-” I started to tune out. He was still trying to sell me on the whole daycare thing. That was all he talked about the rest of the night, describing every detail of the place to me. Looking back, even then, I felt a deep sense of restlessness each time he mentioned the name of the place. The feeling only grew more exacerbated the longer the night went on, chasing away sweet thoughts of sleep. Some of it was nerves, going from 1 stranger a day to 50 was certainly a big leap. But part of it was something I can’t explain in any other way than a premonition, a warning from a natural instinct that laid long dormant in me came screaming to the surface. I did not sleep well that night. The morning of, my father woke me up early, saying that he needed to get to work, but would drop me off at the daycare on the way. I obliged, changing out of my Lightning McQueen onesie into tiny jeans and a brown and white striped shirt with a large smiling monkey face on the front. Monkeys were my favorite animal, mainly because they liked bananas just as much as I did. I did my daily duties of brushing my teeth, and messing around with my hair until I was happy with the ratty mess I had made. I once again fearfully journeyed down the stairs. My dad was tapping his foot at the bottom of the stairs, annoyance instead of excitement being the cause.
“Come on bud, we gotta get going or I’m gonna be late,”. he says, as if his meaningless deadline would incentivize me to overcome my fear and move faster.
I reach the bottom step, where my dad promptly scoops me up in his arms, and with his briefcase and a backpack in hand, we speed out of the house. We fly down the stairs leading down from the large wooden porch, my father gripping onto the black metal railing so as not to slip on the cliff-like stairs. He snaked through the cobblestone pathway that led from our stairs to the driveway. Both were in rough condition. Crabgrass riddled the grooves in the path, and the asphalt had long, outstretched cracks that had formed due to the roots of a nearby sycamore tree undermining the pavement. The lawn was an unkempt jungle of overgrown grass, weeds, dandelions, and mushrooms. Dad used to mow it once a week in the summer, but the habit had fallen off in the past year.
Dad threw open the back door of the red minivan, and quickly strapped me into the ragged, stained car seat. He clumsily struggled with the seatbelt, his inexperience with morning procedures on full display. He finally resigned himself, tying the belt straps together into a tight knot that compressed harshly on my chest. I remember my breathing being shallow during the majority of the ride. With me secured, he threw the backpack over next to me, closed the door, and got in the front seat.
“Dad, I don’t go,” I said. “I don’t like,”
“Why buddy? We haven’t even gotten there yet,” Dad asked, his voice rising in pitch, as he started the ignition.
“I don’t like,” I repeated, louder and firmer this time.
“Why don’t you just give it a few days, just two or three days, and if you truly hate it, then we’ll find a different place okay sweetie?” He asked, forcing his voice to smooth out, as we turned out of our bumpy driveway and started off. There wasn’t much I could do after that. He did not respond well to temper tantrums, and I knew that it would not end well for either of us if I started yelling. He was too jumpy, and didn’t have the long fuse constructed over many long nights of staying awake with your kid.
Once, I dropped a glass of orange juice. The glass shattered in a loud crackle, like thunder mixed with pop rocks, and they scattered away from the initial blast, in fear of the storm that was barreling down the stairs.
“What happened?!” my father yelled as he stomped through the house. I realize now that his shouting was out of concern more than anger, but as a child, it’s hard to tell the difference when someone is screaming at you. I looked up at him, fat watery tears streaming down my face as I bawled loudly, practically shouting myself.
My dad grabbed a handful of paper towels, and started roughly padding my fuzzy blue shirt.
“Are you hurt?” he yelled again, voice wavering. This only made my cries louder, bordering on hysterical now as I continued to blubber.
My dad grunted in strained frustration. He combed his hair frantically, eyes darting around wildly, completely overwhelmed by the scene before him. Unable to take my wailing any longer he leaned down, grabbed me by the arm, and shook me violently.
“Are you hurt!” He screamed, shocking me into silence.
I stood stunned. My dad quickly removed his hands from me, purple bruises welding up along my arms like bad tattoos.
“I’m sorry bud, I thought you were hurt and you wouldn’t answer me and I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry,”. It was all he could say. I made sure not to scream or cry around him from then on.
We drove for about 10 minutes, before a large, pastel building of soft blues, yellows, and greens came into view. I knew about 5 minutes before it came into view where it was, my face retracting further into the car seat, as if bracing for a bomb to fall.
It was a massive building. The front looked normal enough, a box almost entirely made of windows aside from the wiry wooden frame separating them, and the large fluorescent red door surrounded by a black wooden outline. This was partially obscured by large red brick pillars that held up a concrete awning. Behind that, stood a massive dome, like an igloo made out of yellow snow. Sun patterns covered the dome-like orange polka dots.
The building unnerved me. Something about it wasn’t quite right, like my father’s own strained smile. It looked like it was trying too hard, trying to look like what all parents wanted to see when they dropped their kids off.
“See?” My father said from the front seat, fake excitement dripping from his voice.
“It looks so fun!” he said. He was fishing for an enthusiastic response, but all I could muster was quiet indifference.
We turned into the lot, navigating through the crowded rows of cars, parked haphazardly. Every spot was filled. A long line of cars slowly advanced next to the concrete curve, advancing toward the dropping-off points. Other cars, though, stopped where they were, and removed their kid from the car seat. Some didn’t even have them in car seats, and simply stopped while the kids got out themselves. The kids looked scared, sad, and hurt, the latter of which I could identify with. It was the look I often felt myself giving when I was being forgotten or I was alone. The former two, I would soon come to know quite well.
As soon as the door closed, the car would speed out from the line and out of the lot. Even strangers were kids who walked from the parking lot. These kids all had filth-splotched faces, torn-up rags for clothes, thin hair, and hollow eyes. They walked slowly, without regard for the honking cars and disapproving looks from parents who had almost hit them. They didn’t even look up as they filed into the daycare. My dad chimed in.
“Oh poor kids. How can a parent watch their child go out into the world like that? Is no one feeding them?” He muttered under his breath in an angry tone. He hated seeing the cries of those who were suffering go unanswered, especially children. It was why he became a doctor.
The cars slowly moved, dropping their kids off one by one, some making more of a ceremony of it than others. Stifled tears, verklempt looks, and the all too familiar fake smiles were all congregated at the entrance to the daycare. Guardian to said entrance stood two women, garbed in an all-white dress, apron, and gloves with silver hair and peculiar white hats. It looked like one of those paper hats kids made, but it was made of cloth and like her, stood at stiff attention and bore an opaque smiling face. They were surrounded by a flock of frantic parents, each desperately commanding their attention with little facts about their special angle. Allergies, snack preferences, and in the case of some, medication were all conveyed with deathly urgency. Dad stopped the car, turning to me and smiling. Not an insincere one, but one of sympathy and comfort.
“It’s gonna be okay sweetie. I know this has all been so much for you, so thank you for being so brave with me,” he promised. I smiled back in turn, meaning it this time.
He then exited the car, came around to the backseat, and untied me from the car seat. He grabbed the backpack and carried me over to the cement awning that shaded the walkway.
He carried me over to the two ladies, past the line of fellow downtrodden children, and dropped me a few feet away from the crowd of squawking parents.
“Hold on just a second now sweetie, I’ll be right back,” he said. I stood awkwardly, trying as much as I possibly could to fold into myself as the limp bodies of my peers stumbled past me, all light-looking to have long left their eyes. One was different though. A young girl in a pink and red polka-dotted dress with an accompanying bow in her soft ginger hair to match. She was holding a small, beaten-up brown patchwork teddy bear with its left eye missing. The back of it was torn open, stuffing flopping out of it. Around her neck was a collar of raspy, raw skin, like some wild animal had tried to tear out her jugular with its claws. She had pretty green eyes which continued to glance at me as she passed. Right before she went through the red door, she hesitated, turned around, and quickly waddled over to me. She placed her face incredibly close to me, and I recoiled out of shock. I could still make out her whispers though, “When they ask, don’t tell,”.She quickly turned away, glancing back at me with worried eyes. I looked after her, confused and more scared than before. As my eyes wandered, I looked up to one of the women answering parental questions, and she continued to do so. However, her eyes were transfixed to the polka-dot girl, and once she entered the daycare, they shifted to me. It was what I could only describe as a friendly stare, or at least, one that appeared to be. She looked like she was sizing me up. I held her gaze for only a second, and wished I hadn’t even done that. I commanded my eyes to look anywhere, anywhere but the woman’s shriveled, pit-like eyes that begged for my attention. My eyes traced out the outline of the red door, slowly taking in each groove and scratch that thick coats of paint weren’t able to cover. As I looked above the red gate, I was greeted with words scrawled at the top in shaky black letters. I didn’t know what I said then, but looking back I do now. They read “Welcome to Home”.
“Calvin, come here!” my dad said, snapping me out of my awkward stare. I shuffled over to my dad, reaching out and clinging to his arm. Both of the silver-haired women turned to look at me, moving through the crowd of parents with polite “excuse me’s” and “let us pass for a moment’s”, all while not taking their eyes off of me. They strode over to my dad, one addressing my dad and the other bending down to my level, still staring at me. She bent perfectly straight at the hips, but went down no further, her face mere millimeters from mine. I shrunk closer to my father, who was seemingly too preoccupied talking about my peanut allergy to notice the creepy woman staring at his kid.
“What is your name?” She asked. I pressed even further away from her due to her voice, which scratched at my ears like sandpaper. I remembered what the polka-dot girl said, and did everything in my power to not give her an answer, instead tugging on Dad’s pant leg, pleading for his attention.
“What is your name?” She probed again, this time her voice only a supple whisper. I almost couldn’t stop myself as my name rushed up my throat like hot vomit I needed to choke back. It was like she had reached her hand into my brain and was massaging it, hoping to coax out an answer. I knew she knew already, she had heard my dad call it only a few moments ago. But she wanted me to say it, to hear the word escape my lips. I was afraid to speak at all because if I did, I knew my name would come out. I didn’t even know what would happen, but the visceral fear I had of what might happen kept my lips sewn shut.
I tugged more and more desperately on my father’s leg, but he didn’t even look at me. He was still talking to the silver woman about who knows what. Who knows what he was telling her?
“What is your name?” the lady asked again, this time grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I tried to yank my hand away, but her grip was vice-like. She clamped down hard, I was sure a bruise would form. Looking back now, she likely knew that out of what she could do then, that would hurt the most. My eyes darted around, my brain overwhelmed by a gut-wrenching fear that poured into me from the woman’s touch. It was so cold I couldn’t feel my arm anymore, and the numbing sensation was spreading quickly. I looked for anyone, any adult who could see what was happening and put a stop to it, but everyone seemed to be conveniently occupied with something else. Time seemed to slow down and warp, leaving just me and the woman in our pocket of isolation. Voices faded out into warped chirping. I couldn’t tell you what they were saying, but with every passing moment, they got louder and louder. Numbing fear spread all throughout my body, reaching up and crawling into my mouth and swelling my tongue, pushing back the scream that was clawing its way up my throat. My eyes began to go numb, and the tears that welled up froze over my eyes blocking my vision. They were being squeezed like oranges being juiced. My arms and legs froze and turned weak, brittle enough that a gust of wind would shatter them. Slowly, I could sense my heartbeat getting slower and slower.
“You ready buddy?” My father’s coarse hand tapped my shoulder, and the glass bubble of nightmares that surrounded me and that woman shattered. Time came roaring back and all the pressure inflicted on my feeble body vanished, and the woman hastily stood up. Tears sprung free from their icy barrier as I turned to my father and looked up.
“Hey, woah, buddy what’s wrong? What’s going on?” he bent down to me, clumsily wiping away my tears. All I could do was shake my head vigorously, lips still quivering. I tried to speak but I knew the woman was still staring at me. I could feel her gaze honed in on the back of my head like a laser. As long as her eyes were fixed on me, I didn’t dare speak. Even now, I feel dizzy, my name on the tip of my tongue.
“We see this type of display daily. Children and caretakers alike are so rarely prepared to be separate. It’s an emotional moment, but we have found that adversity only ends in growth and prosperity for the pair” one of the women says, a sugary sweetness now oozing from her demeanor.
“Don’t worry buddy, your guardian will be back, and while he is attending to his duties, you will have the honor of being a part of our family,” the other silver-haired woman says, turning to me with a toothy grin. Most of her words were too big for me to understand. Though, I doubt I would need to hear her speak to understand. The stares they would give us were all we needed to know what they were saying, and yet they still put us through the torture of their scratchy speech.
“We are extremely excited to meet you!” the pair said in unison.
“You sure you're okay, bud?” Dad asked again, still not convinced. With both of them looking at me now, there was no way I was saying anything. I sent a pleading look to my dad, hoping that my covert correspondence wouldn’t go unnoticed. But apparently, my own father didn’t know me well enough to see how shaken I really was. He gave me a final look of sorry, before he bent down, gave me a tight hug, stood up, and handed me the backpack. Then he began to depart
“Listen buddy I’ll see you tonight. I put all your favorite stuff in that bag okay? I love you so much.” His voice wavered a bit, coughing a bit to try and regain composure. He looked at me, torn, between what he wanted to believe and what he could see. All I could do was stand there and watch my father throw his only son to the wolves. He walked back to the car, buckled in, and gave me a final look of a wide smile with conflicting, tear-soaked eyes, before exiting the line of cars and driving off.
An overwhelming wave of dread washed over me as I watched my lifeline drift away. Questions raced through my head, “When would he come back? Would he forget to come? How long can I not say my name for?”
I could feel them loom over me, like unwanted shadows creeping through the night.
“Come, it is time for you to enter,” the lady said, the sweetness now draining from her voice and face. A reproachful look now adorned her face. She stiffly pointed to the door, likely knowing that the meaning of her words was lost on me. I turned and made my way into the line of children still marching towards the gateway, dragging my feet. The gate itself seemed to pull me closer like death reaching its hand out from a coffin. The two ladies returned to their posts beside the door, dutifully tending to the needs of apprehensive parents. They made a last call, saying “All parents must deposit their offspring to the daycare. Activities are about to begin”.

TL;DR:
Both telcos don't want to own up to why I am double charged. I have been charged by Circles twice even though I have left Circles for GOMO in late March.

• GOMO says the porting is complete but the request might not went through to Circles
• Circles is still charging me for not receiving request from GOMO
• Circles says it's GOMO's fault for not sending the request to port out
• GOMO says resolve the bills first.
• Circles says give screenshot of Gomo billing or the porting successful message.
• The porting didnt initially go through, therefore the request from Circles is useless.
• As of right now, no one wants to resolve my case and I'm going through dozens of bot replies or "Not me" in the process.
• Circles says will escalate to team
• Circles demand me to demand from GOMO on their behalf for the dispute and ask for supporting documents
• GOMO says the bills from 27th March the actual date of porting over will take 3-5 working days to be sent to email. “Will mark as urgent”
• IMDA replied asking for permission and some details to resolve on my behalf, saying the 2 telcos may come and approach me again.
• I said sure, so long as IMDA can help to resolve and move the case forward
• IMDA says ok noted we’ll proceed and update you again.
• Singtel called me, says porting successful since 28th March. (Different from what GOMO said)
• Singtel say will send evidence (screenshot) to IMDA

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Below is the recount of my conversations with the 2 telcos. in chronological order. I have shifted the updates to the bottom if you're interested in reading.
Since this incident has been going for more than 3 days, it has been difficult to get all the facts straight in my post depending on the investigation myself and certain words or context maybe lost on my part. But the general consensus is still not lost, evidently from the conversations.
..........................................
I got a deal with GOMO in 27/03 and already started using eSIM from that day on. In theory, the porting process should be done by 1st week of April. I didn't think much of it at that time but I was still receiving notifications and emails from Circles. I thought I was suppose to pay for the April bill since the timing is quite unfortunate for the porting process. Yes, I didn't check. But up until 02/06, I was charged for the May bill. It would be stupid to charge me twice. So here the drama starts.
Evening of 02/06 i sent in a message to Circles, this was the conversation:
Circles.Life>
Upon checking, we have seen that the mobile number is actually still active on our end and not ported out to another telco.
We can see that there was only one canceled port out request last 2024-04-03 for xxxxxxxx
Me> Meaning? I can’t leave the subscription?
Meaning there was no port out request processed so the mobile number is still active on our end and the billing is valid. In this case, if you are decided to port out you will first need to disable the Secure Me options in the Circles Life app by going to the Profile Section > scroll down to Security Settings > Toggle OFF the Secure Me settings
Once disabled, you will be able to request the port over with your new telco at least after 6 AM on the next day.
We will just approve the port out request once we receive it as long as you do not have any outstanding bills with us.
After the port out is completed, the Circles Life plan will be automatically scheduled for termination by the nearest month's end and the final bill cannot be pro-rated or ported out regardless of when the port out was completed.
Me> I have already ported to new telco for the last month. Shouldn’t there be no bills?
Circles.Life>
We have not received any port out request yet for this mobile number and you will still be billed for this month of June subscription.
Me> So you’re saying they didnt complete the porting process and there’s nothing that can be done from Circles?
Circles.Life>
We have not yet received any new port out request on our end so your mobile number is not yet ported out.
Me>
Could it be on the april 3rd, that is the request to port out?
I didnt see any emails to port in or out or confirmation on this date from either telco
Circles.Life>
The last request to port out was indeed on 2024-04-03 but it was canceled so it did not push through
If I may suggest, it would be best to check with your new telco to confirm the port in status with them first and if needed, have them initiate a new port over request
So here Circles ask me to check with GOMO even though the bill was from Circles. Huge red flag already.
GOMO doesn't have 24/7 live chat or so they claim to be. It's just a continuous chat bot until they are operational after 9am.
0905 am, i waited for a response.
1 hour later, still no response. Keep in mind im suppose to keep chat open and everytime i leave the app to do work, it refreshes, so i don't even know if it will leave the chat.
1000 am. I spammed the bot from my computer 23 times before they acknowledge and send me a real person.
GOMO>
Hi Good Day! This is Joemel from GOMO. I'm really sorry for the delay as we are currently experiencing high chat volume.
Thank you for reaching out, I understand that this is about your port in?
Thank you for waiting, upon checking here that the line is with gomo and it is active here on our end.
If you are still being charge from your previous telco, please contact them as has already been transfered to gomo.
Me>
They claimed that the porting request is cancelled on 03/04/2024
Can you please check if the request is being sent out to the previous telco
GOMO>
Upon checking here that there were no notes here on your account that your line port in has been cancelled.
Me>
So what other options am i left with? Both telco don't want to own up as to why i'm charged on both sides
GOMO>
May I ask where would you like to continue the line?
Me> Staying with Gomo for now
COMPLETE UNRELATED
GOMO>
I understand, then I would suggest to contact your previous telco to request for the refund for their charge as the line here in gomo has been active and we did not cancel the port in.
If the port in is canceled here on our end, it will show a notes and your line here in gomo has been deactivated.
1100am I sent to Circles and ask what are the options I have now
Silence for 1 hour
1130am : The zenmo app/gomo support from 9am replied.
GOMO> Your number is now under GOMO and active. Hence why you will need to coordinate to your previous telco and confirm as to why you are still getting charged for it.
Me> Shouldn't this process be managed by telco?
GOMO> I understand, but if the charges are from your previous telco. Then kindly coordinate to them and confirm that your number is under GOMO. ..........................................

Update 1: 3rd June 2024

Emailed IMDA for confirmation of telcos.
Changed bank card to an empty bank account in Circles app
Circles ghosted me from 11 to 5pm
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Update 2: 3rd June 2024

Circles texted me after ghosting me at 8:20pm:
If the port out is already successful with your new telco, please just get any proof or billing with the mobile number and successful port over date so we can use it as proof and we can then raise this for a dispute.
Please just get back to us once you got that from your new telco so we can have this investigated.
Me> I believe you got it wrong. I am saying your porting out procedures failed and unsuccessful. I am still being billed by you.
Circles> As promised, I was able to raise your concern with our team and they're now checking this for you.
Sorry for the extra work, can you help us with a screenshot/Proof from other telco that your port-in request with them is successful, please?
Me> I’m not sure what the relevancy here is to the investigation on your end but this was the notification i received prior. To be clear, this procedure should still be managed by telcos. Not up to consumer to show proof of the actual porting and be accountable for it.
I did send them the screenshots. But as mentioned, the porting didnt initially go through successfully where Circles and Gomo didnt say Bye and Hi to me, how would i have the screenshot?
From the text message above, likely the chat officers from Circles are still not briefed on the severity of my case and none of them are aware that I have been spamming them across multiple platforms for an answer. And that’s not good.
..........................................

Update 3: 4th June 2024

Circles>
I'm sorry but we cannot accept this.
We will need the bill showing the mobile number xxxxxxxx or any email confirmation from GOMO about the successful port in
Me> I think you still got the wrong idea. The entire process is dealt with by telcos. How do i control what was given to me? The fact is there isn’t a confirmation from Circles saying I have ported out and not an email saying the porting in in successfully because the initial request was denied or the previous operator put it “not push through”
Till date your only options given to me was to let me handle it myself when the initial phase of porting was out of my hands.
Circles>
What we need is any email notification from GOMO, that is confirming that they already ported over your mobile number or the bill showing the mobile number
That is to confirm that they already have the mobile number xxxxxxxx ported out to their end as we have no records of a successful port out on our end.
What we really need is proof of port out so we can have this disputed as needed. We do not have any so we cannot process a dispute for now.
this screenshot also does not state any mobile number
Can you please request directly from GOMO a confirmation with the successful port over date so we can then have this disputed?
We need to investigate this and we will need to know when it was ported over to them successfully as we will also need that to make bill adjustments on our end.
Me>
We need to investigate this and we will need to know when it was ported over to them successfully as we will also need that to make bill adjustments on our end.
Circles claimed the request was cancelled. GOMO claimed there wasn’t any cancellation of porting.
Circles>
As much as we'd like to, we are not able to communicate to GOMO directly;y for any disputed.
for this we will need your support in providing the documentation for the date of successful port over to GOMO or when your billing started with them so we can have this processed
Do you have the April bill from GOMO showing this mobile number? There should already be one since its already June, and you can just send it over to us for documentation, not the email notification of the payment.
We'll need the bill copy
Or you can just email them and have them confirm the exact port over date to them
They should be able to confirm that
Me>
What is the difficulty about tracing back what happened on the 3rd of April request to porting? Are you saying apart from status “cancelled” there is no records of when and who cancelled or managed it?
Keep in mind i shouldnt have the April bill because i paid for it when i ported. It should be month of May for renewal.
Can you check my data usage for the past few months?
Total call time, sms, data usage. You should see the usage drop of at a certain date
I'm sorry but we cannot use that as basis as the plans remains active regardless of usage.
We will require the confirmation from GOMO for the port over date to get this checked.
And so, i forwarded and informed GOMO about the bills necessary.
GOMO>
Hi Good Day! This is Roel from GOMO. I'm so sorry to know that you are experiencing this issue.
Let me try to do my best in assisting with this issue.
I can see here on our end that your line was ported over March 27, 2024
If you want we can request for a proof of payment showing your bill cycle from March 27, 2024 April 30, 2024?
But this would take within 3-5 working days But no worries, we can send it via email

Update 4: 5th June 2024

Evening of 5th June, IMDA replied to my email:
We refer to your email of 3 June 2024 regarding your billing issues with Circles.Life and the confusion on your port out status.
We would like to follow up on your feedback by asking Circles.Life and GOMO to review your case and provide us with the related details. If you agree that we can do so, please reply with the following information. The relevant service provider may contact you if they have questions and/or to update you on the outcome.
1) Circles.Life account number 2) Contact number 3) Consent to share the above information with Circles.Life and GOMO
Me>
Thanks for your email. Please do help me review and allow this case to move forward. I have been troubled by this 2 telcos ever since they decided to not communication with each other but hoping to get things done through me.
As far as I’m aware, Circles don’t use account number. It has been through my mobile number in the mobile app. But there is a customer ID: xxxxxxxxxxxx
Mobile number: xxxxxxxx
The latest message from Circles: To collect the bills and supporting documents from GOMO to be sent to Circles to verify the porting has been completed.
I have requested GOMO on the above and GOMO has sent in a reference number = xxxxxxxxxxxxx, expectation of the document in 3-5 working days from 4th June 2024.
..........................................

Update 5: 6th June 2024

IMDA>
Thank you for providing your consent to share your information with Circles.Life and GOMO.
We noted your frustration with Circles.Life and GOMO. We have requested Circles.Life and GOMO to review the matter and provide you with a direct update on the outcome. While we hope for a prompt resolution of your issue, please be assured that we will also independently clarify and obtain updates on the case outcome from them.
Thank you for your understanding.
About 4pm, Singtel called in regards to IMDA’s response and showed concerns about what briefly happened
Singtel mentioned that the porting was successful since 28th March.
I told him it’s different from what GOMO said, which was 27th March Please get the facts straight or sing the same song, tell it to IMDA and send the evidence to them.

Hi, not sure if this has been documented before but here I am, giving my 2 cents worth to everyone who needs this. I know it’s been really tough on everyone who has to go through this. It’s a really long post, so if you are short on time, just go straight to the heading in bold to find out what you’re looking for.
I don't know where everyone is from, but I am from Singapore and apparently, I can’t find any related posts by Singaporeans in any subreddits. If any fellow countryman needs this, there you go. For fellow netizens with Hip Dysplasia, there might be differences in the processes, but I suppose the recovery process is just about the same. Hope this helps, nonetheless!
Pre-diagnosis I have been a leisure runner in my late teens, and pretty much run about 5 to 10km regularly til mid-20s. It started with knee pain in a particular race, and the pain continued for a couple of years more. I had wanted to train for a half marathon, but I also wanted to ensure that I started my training right and pain-free. So I went to straight to a Sports Specialist Doctor in a Public Hospital and she diagnosed me with a Runner’s Knee (or formally known as Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome, PFPS) after looking through my x-ray, and my description of pain. She referred me to the Podiatrist and the Physiotherapist for gait correction and muscle strengthening. It was going on fine for a while, but I still couldn’t run pain-free. Then Covid came, and the appointments have to be suspended. But I was still doing my physio exercises and running about 2.5 to 5km when we were allowed to.
Diagnosis As more restrictions eased, I began training for speed, and that was when the pain started coming from the hip, and walking became strangely painful with a pinching sensation at the hip/groin area at this point. I sought help from a private physiotherapist to find out what happened. After a few sessions, he realized something was not right and suggested me to get a hip x-ray done. And so I did, at a Polyclinic, and the x-ray showed shallow acetabulum and I got referred (again) to a Sports Specialist to get a MRI done. And LHP with a labrum tear was the diagnosis. And to no surprise… I got referred to another Specialist again, who was affirmative that I need a LPAO and at the same time broke it to me that I have a RHP which will need a PAO too. If you need to know the timeline - I had the x-ray done at the end of 2022, MRI done on mid-2023, LPAO done at the start of 2024.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Work) Check with your doctor on the estimated rest period (mine’s 3months) and inform your boss about it. The surgery will most likely be about 5 hours max, hospital stay 5 days, and you will be on 2 crutches for 6-8 weeks, and another 1-2 weeks on 1 crutch to stabilize your walking. You might be able to resume work obligations if it’s a sedentary job or another 6 more weeks of home rest if your work requires much walking or manual labour. So it’s really important to work out with your boss and colleagues for a proper handover so that you can concentrate solely on recovery.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Hospital) There will be a blood test / some swab done 3 – 4 weeks prior to the surgery; the nurse will let you know. You will be under General Anesthesia (GA) during the surgery, so fasting is required a day before.
Do pack light for your hospital stay. Use a backpack for convenience. Clothes to wear after discharge + source of entertainment and communication is enough. You wouldn’t want to carry a lot of things home after discharge when you’re on 2 crutches.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Insurance + Hospital Wards) Do inform your Insurance Agent / Company about it so that they are aware. It may or may not be covered, so please get in touch with them as soon as you have the details.
[Singapore’s context] There will be a pre-admission appointment with the hospital staff about 3 weeks before the scheduled surgery, which the staff with share with you the cost of the different class wards. Basically, Class C (8-bedded) and Class B2 (6-bedded) wards are fully subsidized by the government. I can’t remember how much a Class B1 (4-bedded) ward costs, but probably about 10-15K SGD. Class A (1-bedded) is about 21-23K SGD. The staff with help you out with the Letter of Guarantee (LOG) from your Insurance Company and will let you know in about 2 weeks if the application for LOG is successful, if not you would have to prepare for the bills depending on your chosen ward (either Class A or Class B1). There is no need for LOG for Class C and Class B2 wards, since it’s fully government-subsidized. Medisave and MediShield/IPs will be used for all Class Wards (Note: IPs is only applicable to 30 years old and above). My insurance allows me to be in the Class A ward and the application for LOG was also successful, thankfully.
Pre-surgery Preparation (Personal) Since you will be on crutches, do arrange your house to accommodate that. A folding bedside table, a caddy trolley, a long-arm grabber, pillows are items that you can prepare beforehand. Do also ensure that your toilet is slip-free as well or restructure it in a way that is beneficial for you. I had to bathe sitting on the toilet bowl for the 1^st week as it is difficult to make it slip-free. It got better 2^nd week onwards when I was allowed a 30% weight-bearing on my operated side, so I could be in the showering area. You will be at home and ‘confine’ to the bed/chair most of the time, so it’d be good to have some form of entertainment at home. Nanoblocks, Colouring books, Wordsearch, Sudoku, Crosswords, Netflix, Disney+, Hbo, Reading, Crocheting, Journalling, Zoom with friends are some of the things that you can do / prepare before surgery. You may or may not have energy for them, but that’s ok, the main idea is to focus on resting and having a sound mind so that you won’t be discouraged / feel bored / unmotivated. For meal wise, it’d be good if your family can cook / buy food, if not do ensure that your budget allows you to get food delivery for 6-8 weeks. I got my meals from Grabfood. Do ensure that you have a good chair – not those that put your knees above your hips.
Day of surgery If you can, do arrive 5-10mins earlier to settle in after registration.
[Singapore’s context] Do note that the staff who registers you in will ask you for the person to contact after the surgery. It’d be a text message to inform the person on the end of your surgery and which ward you will be in. You will need to sign the LOG letter (if any) and proceed to take your height and weight at the self-administered machine. Wait and follow any instructions by the nurse. You will be asked to change into the hospital gown and the nurses will ask you more questions, just answer them accordingly. They will also help to keep your belongings in their storage and will deliver to your ward at their timeslot after your surgery.
Process of surgery The Anesthesiology team will introduce themselves to you and go through the pain management methods. They asked what method (they mentioned 3, but I only remembered what I had) I preferred, and I told them to go ahead with what they think was good for me. Epidural, it was. And so, I got pricked with needles and whatnots and they finally brought me into the operating room. I didn’t realize the room was so big and cold and there were many doctors and nurses around. They did their thing, and I was just trying not to feel awkward with so many people looking at my bareback and being in a very vulnerable state. It’s a little pricky and painful at some point. Do let them know if you’re too cold, they have this hot air thing that can warm you up. They will also insert a urine catheter for you to help with the bladder movements. I was quickly under General Anesthesia (GA) with a breathing mouthpiece (the Anesthesiologists will direct you on what to do). I woke up after the surgery with a very dry throat and asked if I could have some water. They gave me a tiny vial of water, just about enough to soothe my throat. I guess it was also caused I was under GA and couldn’t be given much for my stomach too. I was quite aware of what was going on though I was still a little sleepy. I had to be brought to the High Dependency Ward (HDW) due to low blood pressure.
After surgery (in HDW) I kept wanting to drink water but that also caused me to vomit out water and had no appetite for dinner. Nausea and vomiting are just some side effects of GA. (I remembered being disappointed that I couldn’t have the watermelon, I had wanted to eat that, but I knew I couldn’t stomach it) And little did I realize that was the last time I saw a watermelon during meal times (damn the side effects). I was also quite weak on my operated left side, I was not in that much of a pain, just some discomfort. I was given a self-administered morphine device too, there is this button that I can press to administer morphine into my system at regular interval, the device has some safety feature which helps to stop people from abusing it) Used it once after I had to be flipped over to be wiped clean by the nurse (at this time, I had given up on trying to maintain my dignity, though the nurses were quite humane about it, if you know what I mean) But I was also trying not to use the morphine at all cos it gave me more side effects like drowsiness and an even lower blood pressure). Thankfully I had a good Pain Team (that’s what they call themselves), which helped to lower the dosage after they realized I was not using it that much and I was still very drowsy (I fell asleep halfway unknowingly after talking to people), and eventually I was off it. I was taken for an x-ray after the nurse ascertained that my blood pressure was normal (since I had the catheter, I just sipped water without a care in the world, to help raise my blood pressure). And I administered the morphine once after they flipped me over for the x-ray (it was bloody hell painful and it took a lot of strength). Probably in a day or 2, the doctors decided to remove my epidural needle and I was finally free of it. The next thing to get rid of was the catheter. I had a love-hate relationship with it. I need to be able to pass motion to get rid of it, which I did after an arduous process. Constipation is a side effect of not moving around. Your stool will most definitely be a Type 1 under the Bristol Stool Chart but it will be back to normal in a few days or so. I did a little cheer when I finally pooped.
My physiotherapist came and pushed me to move around. The first step coming down from the bed was the hardest due to gravitational pull. My muscles needed to be woken up after lying down for 48 hours or more. I got transferred to General Ward (GW) soon after.
After surgery (GW) I had some bed exercises to help to wake up the muscles and I was using the walker to move around. It was tough doing the bed exercises, but they have to be done. I was also able to bath independently by sitting down on the bathing chair in the bathing area of the toilet. I still needed assistance to wear my pyjamas pants. So unfortunately, the nurse still had to be around when I bathed for safety purposes since I was a fall-risk patient.
At this time, I was trying to get out of bed and be in the chair and also use the walker more to help with moving around and getting the muscles up and running. I had 2 more physio sessions with the crutches. Using the walker frequently helped with the use of crutches. (You will know what I meant when you have tried both out. You can push yourself but please do not force it if you are not strong enough yet.) My doctors have cleared me for discharge, I just need my physiotherapist to clear me too (they have to be sure that I can use the crutches properly and safely and also complete simple daily adaptive skills). Finally, I got cleared for discharge. I got the medication, and it was a cashless and fuss-free stay/process for me. I stayed in the hospital for 7 days (3.5 days in HDW, 3.5 days in GW). Remember to get your crutches before leaving the hospital.
Home rest 1st Week I must say, it’s really liberating to be at home, though it’s really a chore to move around. I did my physio exercises about 3x a day and just be a sloth. I was still very tired, but it was difficult to sleep. I’m usually a side sleeper, but I had to sleep on my back for 6 weeks, at least. My doctors said that I could sleep on my unoperated side, but it can be achy.
Home rest 2nd Week Things are looking up a little more since I could place a 30% weight on my left. I could enter the showering area now, just be careful not to overload the operated side. 2 crutches are still a must to prevent any overloading of weight to help with the recovery. Protein and calcium-rich food are your best friend. Again, do your physio exercises regularly. I still do mine 3x a day.
Home rest 7th Week Finally, I got to put full weight on my operated side. Happily, I tried to ditch BOTH my crutches, please do not be like me! Ease into walking slowly. Use 1 crutch to help you with the gravity pull as you put 100% weight on both legs. It is also possible to ditch the crutch and try walking on very short distances, do take care of your walking form. If you limp badly, please use 1 crutch and practice walking. I did try stairs and use the railings if necessary. I managed to ditch the crutches by Week 8. Physio continues, if you have access to the gym, please go ahead, slowly. I am sleeping both on my back and on my unoperated side now.
Home rest 13th Week Not sure if things are still looking good, but my knees kinda hurt, and that’d be another story for another day. I am cleared to resume work, though I still got to be careful with the walking and all.
Week 14 – Week 18 (current) I think since I am walking a lot more, I am limping a little, but not enough for a need to bring back the crutch. It got more achy when I’m sleeping on my unoperated side and still a little discomfort if I try to sleep on my operated side. My operated side is still weak and achy when I walk or sit or lie down. I am still doing my physio, though not 3x a day now.
I am not too sure how I will progress but that’s my journey thus far. Happy to share here and to answer any questions you may have.
Edit: Formatting and grammar

Sorry for wall of text. I want to get perspective on what I did/didn't do wrong through all of this, or could have done better. And also advice for how to deal with my life shattering.
People:
triad: Me (32F) Ash (32NB) Bella (21F)
auxiliary: Cedar (27NB) Dennis (30M)
background:
Me and Ash got together in mid-december, with both of us monogamous. date 2, they asked to bring their friend Bella along (as a friend) since they were interested in checking out the destination. Ash and Bella had been friends for a while, and had a sibling-ish relationship between each other. Couple months in, Ash starts pretty heavily suggesting that Bella is attracted to me, and says they'd be fine with the two of us exploring. So Ash and I had a long talk to figure out how we're going to approach opening up our relationship. I had a history with partners being non-ethically nonmonog, so I had some reservations, and Ash said they weren't interested in seeing other people anyways, but also said they were totally fine with me...interacting with other people. I basically said that I didnt want it to be one-sided open because that felt fundamentally unfaiwrong, but also recognized the differences in our life experiences and objectives. Our agreement was to be very honest with each other, communicate a lot and very honestly, and check in often with each other as anything progressed on either of our sides to make sure we were still doing well.
A little time passes, Me, Ash, and Bella are hanging out at a bar, and Ash is being provocative about me and Bella doing things, me and Bella are being shy with each other, and so Ash basically physically pushes us together (in a not-rude way). Bella and I make out for a while and have a nice time. I check in with Ash to make sure they're still doing well with this, and they say yes and seem to mean it. Time goes on, and me Ash and Bella end up in a few 3-ways together, and by this point, Ash is also being physically interactive with Bella. During this time, I communicate a lot about where my feelings are or could end up with Bella, and Ash is supportive. Ash takes a prescriptive hierarchical stance and wants us to be primary, with Bella as....not-primary. I say that the prescriptive approach doesn't sit well with me, since it seems pretty disrespectful of Bella, and encourage the three of us to talk about things.
Time passes, Bella and I have grown closer, feelings emerged. Ash and Bella also grew closer, and the three of us together all have good chill vibes. Ash starts half-joking with Bella about her moving in to their place. Meanwhile, I'm also starting to make plans with Ash to move in to their place, since we vibe well, I have a big surgery coming up, and Ash has been saying that they would support me through the recovery.
At some point, I hook up with Dennis for a one-time casual encounter, and it's....not super great for me for reasons I wont go into. But Dennis was a decent human being, and did nothing wrong. More just a matter of me not being super self-aware of exactly what sort of sex acts I wasn't totally comfortable with. Things didn't continue with Dennis. I communicated a lot with Ash prior and afterwards to make sure they were still ok with how things were proceeding.
A little time later, Ash, Bella, and myself host a small friend get-together with a couple other people, including Cedar. At some point, Cedar is talking to me only and brings up the topic of poly things, and starts talking about how in poly things, its fucked up for one person to be poly but for the other person to not be. I genuinely agree, since that's also my personal view as well, despite it being more or less a reasonably accurate description of the state of things between myself and Ash. It did seem a little strange that they would want to bring that specific topic up, like it was personally targeting me (basically calling me an asshole), though I assume that Ash hadn't told them the intimate details of exactly what was going on very recently in our relationship, so I just let myself operate under the assumption that it wasn't personally targeted, and was just coincidence. To be clear, I hadn't forbidden Ash from seeing other people or anything, we just agreed to go slowly and cautiously and communicate a lot prior to taking steps with new people, since I have a lot of old wounds from former lovers cheating. I later learn that Ash had indeed already talked to Cedar about exactly what had been going on in our intimate lives as we were getting started in poly, including my recent encounter with Dennis. This makes me feel like Cedar's comments may indeed have been personally targeted against me.
Time passes, Ash mentions that they feel like they want to...'platonically kiss'(?) their friend Cedar. This surprised me, since Ash had previously said that they knew that Cedar wanted a sexual, monogamous relationship with them, but Ash didn't have any interest in Cedar because Cedar was a "jealous, possessive person". So I was a little taken aback by Ash saying they wanted stuff with Cedar, but gave thumbs-up to their stuff, because that's what our agreement was, and I trusted Ash.
Time passes, and Ash, Bella, and myself officially become an open triad. We start making plans to all move in together into Ash's place. Ash says they still want to support me during surgery and after, but wants me to promise that I wont drop them and leave them unable to pay rent if they end up losing their job due to taking a month off to deal with that. I agree.
Later, I physically manifest that promise to Ash by giving them an envelope with 2 months worth of their rent, in cash. Its a not-small amount of my personal savings, and before handing it to them, I let them know that it's a big deal, and it's me trusting them and wanting to honor my promise to them, and give them some tangible security about their concerns regarding losing their job. I also note that I recognize that it could represent a power differential, and that they should say no to it if they felt uncomfortable with it. I also request that they hold onto it in cash form, and specifically not to deposit it unless/until absolutely necessary (ie: in the case of job loss), because Ash is in deep cc debt, and when they file for bankruptcy, I assume those assets would be seized/garnered or such. Ash promises they wont, and accepts the envelope.
Recent situation:
A couple weeks ago, Ash told me they were ace, and that I should expect for them to not want sex >95% of the time. We previously had...a lot of fun times together, in which they seemed to be having...a lot of fun. The neighbors could attest. I was a little surprised, but was supportive because I cared deeply about Ash, and I basically said I'd be happy to work on finding a way to make sure things still worked well between us, while being respectful of each others boundaries.
A few days later, I hosted a big outdoor party with lots of friends, and encouraged Ash and Bella to feel free to invite anyone they wanted to, including other friends/dates/etc if they wanted to and felt comfortable doing so. Bella invited one of her dates, and Ash also invited Cedar. Things were pretty normal between myself and Bella, with casual physical affection, tho not super excessive since I was somewhat in host mode. Ash was pretty distant though, and once Cedar showed up, basically didn't interact with myself or Bella at all, with basically 0 physical affection for either of us. Instead, Ash spent about 95% of the day being very closely physically affectionate with Cedar - hugging, lying down with, holding hands, etc. To the point where half the people were calling them 'romeo and juliet', while also people who hadn't met us before literally told me they didnt even realize that we were partners until after the shindig, and only because their own partner (my friend) informed them after they left. At one point near the end, I was walking towards Ash and Cedar, who were walking towards me, and tho they had been walking holding each others waists closely, they physically disconnected once I came into view.
Day 1: A few days later, Bella and myself have completed lease applications for Ash's place, I've already moved my basic daily use items and pets, I have my apartment 85% packed into cardboard boxes and am looking into hiring movers, and Ash asks me and Bella if we want to go to the office to officially sign the lease. We end up not doing so because Bella was running a little late to work.
Day 2: The next day (when we finally had a chance to talk again), Ash asks me to very seriously consider not moving in until after my surgery. I'm taken aback by this, and tell Ash that it would be way too much to turn back on these plans right now. I'm a little shaken, but eventually Ash agrees to continue moving forward with our existing plans. The conversation continues and I chatted with Ash and I let them know that I was still totally ok with them pursuing things with Cedar if that's what they wanted, but also that I felt a bit neglected at the shindig, and that since we both had recently been quite busy with life things, that I was really looking forward to having a chance to have a nice, casual opportunity for closeness between us in a relaxed setting. Also mentioned that them and Cedar physical disconnecting near the end there felt a little weird and clandestine, but I accepted that it could have just been coincidental timing. Ash tells me that the disconnecting was just a coincidence, that Cedar gets social anxiety and they wanted to be supportive of Cedar at the event, and that they think that they are already in a non-sexual partnership with Cedar, and also that they want to 'platonically make out' with Cedar. I'm taken aback by this, because we had previously agreed that our 'rules of engagement' were to communicate a lot, be honest, and check in with each other regularly as things progressed with other people. I reiterate that it's ok, but also that I would have liked a little more communication about things. I also express my confusion about the...'platonic making out' because....what? Does not seem platonic to me at all. Ash says they're still ace, and that it would just be platonic making out and they dont want a sexual relationship with Cedar. But also that they think they're already in a partnership with Cedar, though they dont know Cedar's feelings on the matter.
Ash then tells me that Cedar will be moving in for two weeks immediately prior to when Ash and me are supposed to travel together for my surgery. The purpose is to help Ash deal with their own post-op recovery period for a procedure they are having two weeks prior to our departure. I feel gut-punched. We had previously discussed Cedar maybe staying over for a night or two, but definitely not two weeks, up to the minute that me and Ash are supposed to leave for my surgery. I tell Ash that I feel really uncomfortable about that length of stay, because I'm pretty scared for my surgery, and was really looking forward to having some time before we left to spend in the close company and support of Ash and Bella.
I ask Ash what they want from their relationship with Cedar.
They say they dont know.
I ask Ash if they have romantic feelings for Cedar.
They say they dont know.
I ask Ash what boundaries they have with Cedar.
They say they dont know.
I ask Ash if they have ANY boundaries with Cedar.
They say they dont know.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I explain to Ash that they cant be honest with me if they cant be honest with themselves. I re-assert that I'm totally okay with them doing things with Cedar, and even having Cedar stay over for a week or so to help them out during their recovery, but I also assert that I need to be able to have a little time just to us immediately prior to me traveling out for the biggest surgery of my life. I also ask Ash if they even asked Bella about Cedar moving in for 2 weeks, and Ash says 'yeah...I think we talked about it before...'. Ash says they will talk to Cedar to figure out how they view their 'partnership?', and also about not staying quite the full 2 weeks.
Ash goes to work, Bella comes over and we go out to a bar. I'm feeling pretty shaken and insecure by the conversation with Ash, and I ask Bella if Ash asked her about Cedar moving in. She says 'yeah, just yesterday. Did they not ask you?' I say no, and feel worse. Things are feeling really not good, and I talk with Bella a bit about what's been concerning me. I mention that Ash has been feeling distant lately, that it feels like there's been a communication break-down, and mention some of the not-great feelings I've had regarding Cedar.
Bella says she also felt neglected by Ash at the party.
Bella recounts a previous time when me, Bella, Ash. and Cedar met to hang out at a bar, and says that Ash specifically asked her to not be physically affectionate because Cedar gets jealous. I recalled that night and remember feeling like Ash was being physically distant with me also, though at the time I assumed it was just to be more casual in a friends environment. Though that night, they were also...very physically affectionate with Cedar, taking pictures in a 'sexy princess carry' and everything.
Bella asks me if Ash ever told me that Ash and Cedar also dated in the past. I say no.
Meanwhile, the pit in my stomach is growing more and more with each passing moment. Bella recounts that before she was poly, she would cheat a lot, and it always followed a similar pattern - the distancing, the breakdown in communication, etc. She makes it clear that she deeply believes that Ash is following that same pattern. Ash is working night shift, and Bella and I return to Ash's place with me feeling like shit. Bella is comforting and supportive though as we turn in for the night.
Day 3: I left in the morning to meet up with a close friend I had made plans with, and we discuss this whole situation. They are very concerned about a lot of it, I feel bad about a lot of it, but I also want to work to improve the situation, and I know I need to have another conversation with Ash. I message Ash to ask if they'll have some time to talk that day, and they say yes, but later in the day. I eventually go back to Ash's place and start the conversation. I start it by saying that I have a few concerns I want to talk about rather than allowing them to get bottled up and become a breeding ground for resentment, and that I want for us to communicate from positions of kindness and empathy in order to clear up anything that might be a misunderstanding and find a productive path forward for us.
I ask if they talked with Cedar.
Ash said they did, but they didnt have time to ask Cedar not to stay the full 2 weeks. They did however ask Cedar if they thought they were in a partnership, and Cedar's response was that they 'believed that Ash didn't have enough time to be in a partnership with them'
I said that there were a few things that felt a little dishonest, and that I wanted to clear some things up. I asked Ash why when I asked if they asked Bella about Cedar moving in, their response was 'yeah... i think we talked about it in the past...', when they had literally texted Bella the day before.
Ash just reiterated that they thought we all talked about it at some point in the past and were aligned.
I asked about them telling Bella not to be affectionate with them at that bar hangout in the past because Cedar would get jealous.
Ash said they didn't remember that night or telling Bella that.
I asked if Ash had ever dated Cedar.
Ash said no.
I said that wasnt the information I got.
Ash said they didnt remember if they ever had a date, and that they would need to ask Cedar.
I reiterate to Ash that I've been feeling kinda neglected by them recently, and that while I was still ok with them progressing with Cedar, but that I was feeling pretty significantly deprioritized, and said that we really needed to work on our communication and being honest with each other.
Ash said that the conversation had 'become too much'. And that it was 'too much too early'. And that they felt like they needed to 'take a step back from our relationship'.
My heart fucking fell to the floor. I asked if they would be willing to consider couples therapy to try to work through whatever was going on between us.
Ash said no, and told me I needed to respect their agency.
I said that of course I would respect their agency, but maybe they could at least sleep on it?
Ash agreed to, and we went to bed together. I sobbed. A lot.
Day 4: Ash left without a word in the morning to go to a short work event. I sat on the couch for those few hours, not knowing if I was still in a relationship with Ash or not. Eventually Ash returned. I started, and asked 'so...where are we at?'
Ash said their feelings hadn't changed and that they needed to take a step back from our relationship.
I asked 'what does that mean exactly? are you saying we're broken up right now?'
Ash said 'yes'.
Ash continued 'but I still want you move in and I want to travel with you for your surgery, and I want to take care of you afterwards'
I replied 'what the fuck, Ash?' and ran off sobbing to the bathroom.
Ash left for another work thing. I eventually came out of the bathroom, packed some of my basic daily use items in a bag, and went back to my home, devastated.
Rest of the day was mostly me feeling like my world was shattering, since I now had only a few weeks left before my surgery, and I would now need to undo all of my moving plans, would need to find someone new to take care of my pets while I was away, not to mention- would now need to go through big scary complicated surgery and recovery period alone. Extremely overwhelming. Told close friends and Bella that Ash had broken up with me. Made plans with a close friend for them to help me transport my things from Ash's place the next day.
Day 5: Went to Ash's place. They were in the bath, so I started packing my things and bringing them down to my friend's car. I texted Ash that we needed to have a short talk before they left. Ash responded accusing me of being disrespectful of their time. I was floored. Ash had never been unkind or accusatory like that before. When they got out, we sat down and I communicated some very clear expectations for them - that since they broke up with me, 1) I would not be moving in, 2) I would be taking my things and my pets, 3) that they would not be traveling with me for my surgery, or staying with me afterwards, and 4) that since they would no longer need to take the time off from their work, that I would deeply appreciate if they returned the several thousand dollars I had previously given them as a physical manifestation of my promise to not let them be screwed and unable to pay rent if they lost their job on account of taking care of me during/after surgery.
Ash said I was being ridiculously volatile and that they were dodging a bullet by breaking up with me. They reiterated that they still wanted me to move in, and that I was being a terrible person by not following through with that. I explained to them (between a hell of a lot of sobbing), that I needed 4 things from our relationship: security, stability, honesty, and communication. And that going from asking me to sign a lease with them one day, to asking me not to move in the next, and then breaking up with me one day after was EXCEPTIONALLY destabilizing, especially when so little time remained before my surgery, with 85% of my life packed away in cardboard boxes. Ash continued to berate me, saying I was being ridiculously volatile, and that I was choosing to throw everything away. Reiterating that they were dodging a bullet by ending things with me. I asked if Ash could return the $. Ash said no, because they had to deposit it. I felt so immensely betrayed, since Ash had specifically promised not to do that, and they knew how much it was to me.
I sobbed a lot more, Ash left, and I took my remaining things to my friend's car before heading back to my home. A lot more sobbing and nightmares and panic attacks and feeling like my soul was shattering for the next week or so.
Ash sent Bella a long message, but Bella had chosen not to read it for some time, because of what she expected it to be. Eventually I went to our usual bar, met with friends. Ash showed up for a little while, and we spoke briefly before Ash left. I asked Ash why they hadn't responded to any of the messages I sent them, asking where we went wrong, and explaining how destabilizing that sequence of events was for me.
Ash said they didnt respond because it was hard. Then they said that I needed to be able to share the bar together with them because they had been coming to that place before I ever started. I asked Ash why they had deposited the $$ when they promised they wouldnt. Ash said they never wanted it in the first place. That they detested that I inserted that power differential into our relationship. That they didnt squander it, but had to use it to pay their subcontractors prior to them getting paid by their client. That they felt like they had already earned the money. That they were shocked that I had any conditions at all about the money. That it was too much anyways, and they were planning to return 40% of it after using the rest to cover costs during my surgery trip. I told Ash that I just wished they communicated what they needed, because they knew that I would always do my best to help them if and when they needed help with things, and that more than the dollar value of the cash, I was most hurt by the lack of communication, and the broken promise to not deposit it.
I walked away sobbing. Eventually Ash left. Later Bella arrived. Other people there were telling me that Ash had broken up with both me and Bella. So I recounted this to Bella, since she still hadnt read Ash's message. Bella said thats what she expected.
Rest of the night was not great for me, but the details arent important.
I was calling Bella every day or two during that time because it was all really really hard to deal with, and she still cared about me, and our conversations were comforting.
Several days later, I exchanged some text messages with Ash, and I asked them if they were seriously saying that they didn't mean to break up with me. Ash said that no, they didn't mean to break up with me. I explained that that was really confusing, and that if the tables were turned, I would have been on my knees to try to clear up any miscommunication of that scale as soon as possible because I loved them dearly. I explained that I took my things and pets from their place because I truly believed that they had broken up with me. I asked if they really didnt mean to, if they would be willing to stand in recognition of the mutual wrongs and pains we had caused each other, and try to try to work together to find some way to make things work between us again.
Ash said I was being completely one-sided and immature, and painting this all like I hadn't done anything wrong, and that because of all the pain I had caused them, that they were no longer willing or interested in being in any relationship at all.
I explained that's not at all what I meant, rather that I was trying to actively acknowledge the mutual pains/wrongs, and was offering to still try again for us.
Ash said no, and asked 'so then are you saying you're not willing to be friends, and that you're only interested in a romantic relationship?'
I told Ash that I couldn't go straight from being in a relationship to just being friends.
Since then, communication between myself and Bella has become a little sparse, as I'm trying to walk a careful balance between trying to be supportive of her also, since this has been a pretty terrible experience for her too, while also trying to meet my own wants/needs of some communication/support from my remaining partner (her), while also trying to give her what space she needs to process things also. It's difficult and scary and I really want to be able to hug with her before I have to leave alone for my scary surgery. She says we're still ok, but that its also been pretty overwhelming for her also, so I'm trying to err on the side of giving space.
Aftermath:
The last conversation with Ash felt enlightening, given that even when I set my pain aside to allow the possibility that it was all just a big miscommunication, they still were steadfast in not wanting us to be together, and still pushing this bizarre request to go straight to being friends. I'm terrified that I'll never see the $$$ returned, because that was a significant chunk of what was going to keep me afloat, and now that I'm not moving in with Ash, my rent will continue to be significantly more expensive. I'm not even sure I'll have enough to last through my post-op period since I was recently fired in an act of blatant discrimination (yes i'm filing a lawsuit).
I'm super scared that this will end up being too much for my relationship with Bella, and that that will end up breaking too from the stress of it all. After all, Bella and Ash were friends long before we were ever a triad, and Bella is completely shocked by how out of character Ash's behavior towards me has been. Ash had previously only ever been extremely kind, caring, and supportive.
It still blows my mind how suddenly and unexpectedly things changed. one day, Ash was asking me to sign a lease with them. The next, they asked me not to move in, while also telling me that Cedar would be moving in for 2 weeks. The next day, they broke up with me. All of my many plans for the very short-term shattered, and it feels like I'm crumbling as a person. I am beyond overwhelmed, and I leave for my surgery in less than 2 weeks. I told Ash I couldnt do it alone, but now I have to, and I'm so fucking scared.
I loved Ash deeply, and I only ever gave them complete honesty, and always my genuine best, even in the hardest of times. Even when communicating the hard, but important things to communicate. I always acted with kindness and good will, and never any malice, even through our final conversations. I only ever gave honesty, and I only ever sought honesty.
So internet, please tell me: What did I do wrong through all of this? What should I have done better? Is it all really as fucked up of a situation as it feels like? Do you have any advice on how to walk this tightrope to keep things stable with Bella? To give support, but not add too much more stress for her? Do you have any other advice for getting through this all? Im already leaning heavily on some close friends and especially my therapist for working through and processing things, though I've also been open with Bella about it all as well. Only with her explicit consent to hear about any of the details or my feelings through the breakup, of course.
Thanks in advance, and sry again for the wall of text. I just really want to make sure I can do better in the future.

Found this article after doing a quick deep-dive after this post from u/evilez:
https://www.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1d33m4l/does_anybody_remember_what_podcast_this_was/
"Hello fine ladies and gentlemen! I remember listening to a podcast less than a year ago. The main subject of the podcast was UFOs (I think)... anyways the guest told a story that a congressman or senator wrote a bill that was against the CIA or going to defund the CIA, in the 80's... and shortly thereafter, someone broke into his home, dragged his wife out into the street and stuck a gun in her mouth and told her to kill the bill."
Some light Googling brought up this article about the history of the CIA, the OSS, and Daniel Patrick Moynihan's attempts at defunding the agency in the 90s.
Here's an article about that attempt brought by Moynihan published on the Carnegie Endowment Website on December 20, 2005.
https://carnegieendowment.org/posts/2005/12/the-case-for-abolishing-the-cia?lang=en
Here's the New Yorker piece about all of this from October 3rd, 2022.

Spooked -- What’s wrong with the C.I.A.? -- By Amy Davidson Sorkin -- October 3, 2022

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/10/10/has-the-cia-done-more-harm-than-good
According to the article regarding the resuscitation of the OSS as the CIA immediately following Roswell and the Twining Memo:
"Many of its officers moved straight to the new C.I.A. Most consequentially, perhaps, four future directors of the C.I.A. were O.S.S. veterans: Allen Dulles, Richard Helms, William Colby, and William Casey."
Here's the New Yorker article in full:
"On January 4, 1995, Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, of New York, introduced a bill called the Abolition of the Central Intelligence Agency Act. It had been a rough stretch for the C.I.A. The year before, Aldrich Ames, a longtime officer, had been convicted of being a longtime mole for Soviet (and then Russian) intelligence. Despite having a reputation among his colleagues as a problem drinker who appeared to live far beyond his means, Ames had been given high-level assignments with access to the names of American sources in the U.S.S.R. When the F.B.I. finally arrested him, he was in the Jaguar he used for commuting to work at Langley; by then, he was responsible for the death of at least ten agents. Moynihan said that the case was such a flamboyant display of incompetence that it might actually be a distraction from “the most fundamental defects of the C.I.A.” He meant that the agency—in what he considered to be its “defining failure”—had both missed the fact that the Soviet Union was on the verge of collapse and done little to hasten its end.
He gave a diagnosis for what had gone wrong. “Secrecy keeps mistakes secret,” he said. “Secrecy is a disease. It causes a hardening of the arteries of the mind.” He quoted John le Carré on that point, adding that the best information actually came from the likes of area specialists, diplomats, historians, and journalists. If the C.I.A. was disbanded, he said, the State Department could pick up the intelligence work, and do a better job.
Moynihan was, in some respects, being disingenuous. As he well knew, even if his bill had passed, spies and spying wouldn’t have gone away. The State Department already had its own mini agency, the Bureau of Intelligence and Research. The Departments of Energy and Treasury each had one, too. The Defense Intelligence Agency conducted clandestine operations; U.S. Army Intelligence, Air Force Intelligence, and the Office of Naval Intelligence kept themselves busy as well. The National Security Agency was nearly two decades away from the revelation, by Edward Snowden, a contractor and a former C.I.A. employee, that it had collected information about the phone calls of most Americans, but it was a behemoth even in Moynihan’s time. So was the Federal Bureau of Investigation. There were about a dozen agencies then; now, after reforms that were supposed to streamline things, there are eighteen, including the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (O.D.N.I.), a sort of meta-C.I.A. that has a couple of thousand employees, and the Department of Homeland Security’s Office of Intelligence and Analysis. The Drug Enforcement Administration (which currently has foreign offices in sixty-nine countries) has an Office of National Security Intelligence. Four million people in the United States now have security clearances.
It can be hard to sort out which agencies do what; players in the espionage business aren’t always good with boundaries. Both the C.I.A. and the N.S.A. make use of satellite resources, including commercial ones, but there is a separate agency in charge of a spy-satellite fleet, the National Reconnaissance Office—not to be confused with the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, which deals with both space-based and ground-level imaging, or with Space Delta 18, the nation’s newest intelligence agency, which is attached to the Space Force. Abolishing the C.I.A. might do nothing more than reconfigure the turf wars.
[NOTE: both Sean Kirkpatrick and David Grusch worked for the NRO and at least Grusch worked for the NGA]
As the senator from New York also knew, a large proportion of the C.I.A.’s resources are devoted not to intelligence gathering but to covert operations, some of which look like military operations. In “Spies, Lies, and Algorithms: The History and Future of American Intelligence” (Princeton)—one of several recent books that coincide with the seventy-fifth anniversary of the agency’s founding—Amy B. Zegart, a political scientist at Stanford, writes that it’s “getting harder to know just where the CIA’s role ends and the military’s role begins.” Yet the agency’s paramilitary pursuits and related covert activities go back decades. They include the botched Bay of Pigs landing, the brutal Phoenix Program in Vietnam, and a long list of assassination attempts, coup plots, the mining of a harbor (with explosive devices the agency built itself), and drone strikes. These operations have very seldom ended well.
Moynihan’s bill had no more luck than another that he introduced the same day, aimed at ending Major League Baseball’s exemption from antitrust laws. In each case, people understood that there was a problem, but both institutions were protected by the sense that there was something essential, and perhaps authentically American, about them, including their very brokenness. A sudden turn of events can convince even the C.I.A.’s most sober critics that the agency will save us all, whether from terrorists or from Donald Trump. But, seventy-five years in, it’s far from clear whether the C.I.A. is good at its job, or what that job is or should be, or how we could get rid of the agency if we wanted to.
How did we end up with the C.I.A.? A familiar explanation is that the shock of Pearl Harbor made the United States realize it needed more spies; the Office of Strategic Services was formed and jumped into action; and, when the war ended, the O.S.S. evolved seamlessly into the C.I.A., ready to go out and win the Cold War. But that narrative isn’t quite right, particularly regarding the relationship between the O.S.S. and the C.I.A.
[NOTE: We know how ended up with the CIA. ROSWELL.]
The United States has always used spies of some sort. George Washington had a discretionary espionage budget for which he didn’t have to turn in receipts. In the early part of the twentieth century, the State Department had an intelligence-analysis unit, along with a cryptography group called the Black Chamber, which operated out of a brownstone in New York’s Murray Hill until it was shut down, in 1929. The Army and the Navy had cryptography and reconnaissance units, too. When the Second World War began, their operations ramped up dramatically, and, as Nicholas Reynolds recounts in “Need to Know: World War II and the Rise of American Intelligence” (Mariner), these units, not the O.S.S., handled most of the code-breaking. The problem became the volume of raw intelligence. The task of making sense of it and of turning it into something that policymakers could use went to an office within the Army’s military-intelligence division (or G-2), which, Reynolds says, produced “the country’s best strategic intelligence” during the war. That office’s work was directed by Alfred McCormack, a former clerk for Supreme Court Justice Harlan Stone and a partner at Cravath, Swaine & Moore. Many of the people he brought in were young corporate lawyers; the theory was that their training in plowing through mountains of documents made them ideal intelligence analysts.
William J. Donovan, who led and largely conceived of the O.S.S., was also a Wall Street lawyer, but one with an aversion to the “legalistic.” What Donovan envisioned was essentially an array of commando units that would operate stealthily and behind enemy lines. In practice, what he tried to build, according to a colleague, was a “private army.” His escapades often risked too much and gained too little. In late 1943, one of his own officers wrote to him that “the set-up has been incredibly wasteful in manpower and, except for a few spotty accomplishments, has been a national failure.” And it had produced “chaos in the field.” Donovan’s nickname was Wild Bill, but his staff called him Seabiscuit, after the thoroughbred, because of his tendency to race around, engaging in what was basically war tourism. In the end, though, the O.S.S. made real contributions, including through its contacts with the French Resistance. But Donovan’s complaint about D Day was that there was “too much planning.” Counterintelligence and strategic thinking bored him, and the O.S.S.’s analysis division was seen as secondary to its operations.
When Harry Truman became President, in April, 1945, he took a look at the O.S.S. and, in September, 1945, abolished it. About two years later, he signed the National Security Act, which established the C.I.A. (and the Department of Defense), but he didn’t want the new agency to be like the group Donovan had run. Instead, it was supposed to do what its name suggested: centralize the intelligence that various agencies gathered, analyze it, and turn it into something the President could use.
[NOTE: I tried doing some research after reading something yesterday about how the NSA was developed in 1952 under Project Sigma to try and decode "alien" communications. If anyone can offer anything, you'd be helping humanity.]
“It was not intended as a ‘Cloak and Dagger’ Outfit!,” Truman later wrote. He also had to deal with public apprehensions that he might create what a Chicago Tribune headline called a “Super Gestapo Agency”—which is why, in its charter, the C.I.A. was banned from domestic spying.
Reynolds’s book is the best of the recent batch, and the most readable. It does not retrofit the history of the O.S.S. around the assumption that the C.I.A. was the inevitable lead postwar intelligence agency. There were other contenders, including a version of McCormack’s office in the State Department—something like what Moynihan wanted. J. Edgar Hoover argued that “World Wide Intelligence” should be turned over to the F.B.I., with military intelligence subservient to him. In some alternative history, he might have pulled that off; by 1943, he was running undercover operations in twenty Latin American countries. And so things could have been worse.
[WHAT UNDERCOVER OPERATIONS WERE WE RUNNING IN LATIN AMERICANS COUNTRIES IN 1943.]
Donovan was an adept publicist, but what mattered most, in the end, was that he was good, or lucky, when it came to hiring people. Despite the “pale, male, and Yale” stereotype, the O.S.S. was somewhat more diverse than other units, and certainly more eclectic. Among its ranks were Ralph Bunche, Herbert Marcuse, and Julia Child. Many of its officers moved straight to the new C.I.A. Most consequentially, perhaps, four future directors of the C.I.A. were O.S.S. veterans: Allen Dulles, Richard Helms, William Colby, and William Casey. Each seems to have had glory-day memories of the O.S.S., which is to say that each, in various ways, was afflicted with what a general in Army intelligence called “the screwball Donovan effect.” Casey, who put a picture of Donovan on his wall, said of his old boss, “We all glowed in his presence.” Wild Bill lost the bureaucratic fight but won the personnel and mythology wars.
And, of course, the agency found customers and collaborators in the White House. There was no mention of covert action in the law that chartered the C.I.A., but Presidents—starting with Truman—began using it that way. One of the agency’s first operations involved meddling in the 1948 Italian election, to insure the victory of the Christian Democrats. The subsidies and outright bribery of Italian politicians, some of them on the far, far right, continued into the nineteen-seventies.
Almost from its creation, though, there was a sense that something about the C.I.A. was off. The split between covert action and intelligence gathering and analysis was part of it. The director of the agency was also supposed to be the leader of U.S. intelligence as a whole, but, invariably, the person in the job seemed more invested in preëminence than in coördination. That setup remained in place until the establishment of the O.D.N.I., in 2004, a move that thus far has mostly continued a tradition of trying to deal with the C.I.A.’s dysfunction by setting up ever more agencies, offices, and centers. (The N.S.A. was established, in 1952, in response to a series of cryptography-related failures.) “Legacy of Ashes,” Tim Weiner’s 2008 history of the C.I.A.—and still an invaluable overview—takes its title from a lament by Eisenhower about what he’d be leaving his successors if the “faulty” structure of American intelligence wasn’t changed. Since Weiner’s book was published, the ashes, and the agencies, have only been piling up.
Zegart’s “Spies, Lies, and Algorithms” aims to bring that history to the present. Zegart has served as an adviser to intelligence agencies, and she provides a decent guide to our current bureaucracy. Throughout, her book is clear and well organized—maybe a little too well organized, one feels, after taking in the “Seven Deadly Biases” of intelligence analysis, the “Four Main Adversaries” and the “Five Types of Attack” in the crypto area, and the “Three Words, Four Types” that define covert action. (The covert-action words, incidentally, are “influence,” “acknowledged,” and “abroad.”) Not a few paragraphs read like PowerPoint charts; contradictions are displayed without really being reckoned with. She observes that the balance between “hunting” and “gathering” seems off, but, in her telling, the fact that Presidents of both parties regularly turn to the C.I.A. for paramilitary and other covert tasks constitutes proof that doing so is part of the order of things. The impression she leaves is that if it all goes wrong, it’s because some checklist has been missed. One of the top priorities of U.S. intelligence today, she thinks, should be persuading tech companies to get with the program and help out. She moots the creation of yet another agency, to deal with OSINT—open-source intelligence.
In one chapter, Zegart provides a list of scandals involving spying within the U.S. by various intelligence agencies—notably the N.S.A., the F.B.I., and the C.I.A. “All of these activities violated American law,” she writes. “But that’s the point: domestic laws forbid this kind of surveillance of Americans.” How is that the point, exactly? She depicts the Senate’s 2014 Torture Report, which detailed profound abuses in the C.I.A.’s so-called black sites, as a they-said, the-agency-said, who-knows case. She turns it into a parable about the problems with Congress—suggesting that, although the committee structure may have needed rejiggering, the moral compass of those involved in the program of torture was just fine.
Another new volume, “A Question of Standing: A History of the CIA” (Oxford), by Rhodri Jeffreys-Jones, a professor emeritus of history at the University of Edinburgh, offers the insights of a more distant observer. He can be astute about how “false memories” of the O.S.S.’s accomplishments have led the C.I.A. astray. Part of his argument is that the agency has acted as if its influence depended on its standing with whoever is in the White House, thus motivating it to offer Presidents quick fixes that fix nothing. The net effect is to reduce its standing, and that of the U.S., with the public at home and abroad. But Jeffreys-Jones is prone to rash generalizations and pronouncements. He theorizes that, in the run-up to the 2003 invasion of Iraq, George W. Bush’s national-security adviser, Condoleezza Rice, may have been susceptible to “war mongering” due to her status as “a descendant of slaves,” and that the working-class background of the C.I.A.’s director, George Tenet, made him more likely to vouch for the faulty intelligence on weapons of mass destruction used to justify the war. “Social mobility so often leads to conformity,” warns Jeffreys-Jones, himself the son of an academic historian.
During the Vietnam War, the C.I.A. had discouraging intelligence to offer, and, when successive Administrations didn’t want to hear it, focussed on being helpful by providing those supposedly quick fixes. That meant abetting a coup in 1963, spying on antiwar protesters, and launching the Phoenix Program, an anti-Vietcong campaign marked by torture and by arbitrary executions; in total, more than twenty thousand people were killed under Phoenix’s auspices.
Phoenix was run by William Colby, the O.S.S. alum, who was soon promoted to C.I.A. director. At lower levels, discontent about Vietnam fueled leaks. In December, 1974, the journalist Seymour Hersh told the agency that he was about to publish a story in the Times exposing its domestic spying. Whether in a miscalculation or (as Jeffreys-Jones somewhat breathlessly speculates) as an act of personal expiation, Colby gave Hersh partial confirmation. Amid the scandals and the Congressional hearings that followed, Colby angered some of his colleagues, and Henry Kissinger, by laying bare even more. It emerged that, in 1973, Colby’s predecessor had asked senior agency officials to produce a list of things the C.I.A. had done that might have been unlawful. The resulting document, covering just the prior fifteen years, was known in-house as “The Family Jewels,” and was almost seven hundred pages long.
The question of how much it matters who works at the C.I.A. is a perennial one. The influence of Donovan’s acolytes shows that decisions about whom you recruit can, in a formative period or at a critical juncture, make a big difference. But, once an institutional culture has become entrenched, it can be easier to see how the institution shapes the people within it than vice versa.
“Wise Gals: The Spies Who Built the CIA and Changed the Future of Espionage” (Putnam), by Nathalia Holt, comes at the question from a different angle. It’s about five women who worked for the early C.I.A.; three also worked at the O.S.S., and one, Eloise Page, began her career as Bill Donovan’s secretary. Holt is also the author of “Rise of the Rocket Girls,” about women in the early years of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and “The Queens of Animation,” about women at the Walt Disney Company. Her book contains fine material for a beautifully art-directed streaming series, with set pieces in postwar Paris, nineteen-fifties Baghdad, and nineteen-seventies Greece, where Page was the C.I.A.’s first woman station chief. It even has a framing device in the form of the “Petticoat Panel,” a working group of C.I.A. women that convened in 1953 to document their unequal pay and treatment. Holt quotes the transcript of the meeting at which the leadership of the agency summarily rejected their findings. Helms, the future director, says, “It is just nonsense for these gals to come on here and think that the government is going to fall apart because their brains aren’t going to be used to the maximum.” (In 1977, Helms was convicted of lying to Congress about the C.I.A.’s machinations in Chile.) What the book is not, unfortunately, is a coherent history of the C.I.A., of the era it depicts, or even of these women’s work.
Holt’s research does turn up evidence that Jane Burrell, one of her subjects, was the first C.I.A. officer to die in the line of duty, in a plane crash in France, in 1948, a fact that the agency itself apparently missed. Holt ends her book with a call for a star honoring Burrell to be added to the C.I.A.’s memorial wall. Of the hundred and thirty-seven officers represented there, she writes, forty-five died accidentally, the majority in plane crashes, meaning that Burrell’s case would be fairly typical. Burrell was on the return leg of a trip to Brussels, where she’d been sent to talk to war-crimes investigators about a mess the C.I.A. had created by relying on an agent who turned out to have worked with the S.S. and was now in custody. In that respect, too, Burrell, who had personally handled the agent, was typical of the C.I.A. (After Burrell vouched for him, the man was released.) The subject of the C.I.A.’s postwar relations with former Nazis—some of whom, like Reinhard Gehlen, it helped to install in West Germany’s new intelligence service—and with collaborationist émigré groups is, no doubt, a morass. Holt, alas, manages to make the story even more garbled than it has to be. In the end, she basically treats the whole sordid episode as a learning experience for the Gals.
The problem is that the agency doesn’t seem to learn much. Holt credits Mary Hutchison with helping to build a network of émigré Ukrainian nationalists. Beginning in 1949, the agency parachuted some of them (including one whom Hutchison apparently distrusted) behind the Soviet border, where they were quickly captured—and repeated the same procedure for a number of years. “Despite the catastrophe, the Ukraine operation would serve as a template moving forward,” Holt writes. “The C.I.A. had more success with back-to-back operations in Iran and Guatemala, where covert action was able to deftly oust leaders considered undesirable.” It’s odd to describe these coups as deft. One of Zegart’s handy lists is of the “unintended consequences” in Iran: “religious extremism, a revolutionary overthrow, the American hostage crisis, severed ties, regional instability, and today’s rising nuclear dangers.” Guatemala is still dealing with the violent legacy of the coup that the C.I.A. visited upon it. Then there’s the question of the intended consequences, which were, respectively, to elevate a shah and a military regime. Secret wars tend not to be so secret in the country where they take place.
It was, no doubt, frustrating for Hutchison when, a few years later, her colleagues on the Bay of Pigs task force failed to make use of her Spanish-language skills. But are we supposed to think that the whole misconceived enterprise would have gone off without a hitch were it not for the C.I.A.’s misogyny? One of Holt’s minor themes is that women in the C.I.A. were seen as more natural analysts than operatives—with analysis, in turn, seen as less manly, and less valuable, to everybody’s detriment. But she is more intent on showing that these women were also daring. The main point of “Wise Gals” is that it’s cool that women were in the early C.I.A., and therefore that the C.I.A. itself was cooler than we’d realized. Holt celebrates a big promotion Page got that afforded her access to the secret of a safe containing shellfish-derived poison. You don’t have to be pale, male, and Yale to be complicit in a bungled assassination plot, or, for that matter, a program of rendition and torture.
Why do so many books about the C.I.A. have trouble getting their story straight? It can’t just be the secrecy of the work itself, at least with regard to the earlier years, about which much has been declassified. (Much remains under wraps: Moynihan complained that classification created more than six million supposed secrets in 1993; Zegart writes that the number in 2016 was fifty-five million—not all of which can possibly have been critical.) The aura of secrecy, by contrast, probably does distort the judgment of its chroniclers. And the scope of the agency’s work is a challenge: it’s hard to write expertly on places as far-ranging as the Democratic Republic of Congo (where the agency initially planned to poison President Patrice Lumumba’s toothpaste, and instead ended up handing a quarter of a million dollars to Joseph Mobutu, the country’s future dictator, who facilitated the assassination) and Afghanistan (where the C.I.A. has had forty years of illusory gains and worse losses). But the biggest problem may be the agency’s own pattern of self-deception. Holt, for example, sometimes seems to go wrong when, rummaging through the archives, she gives too much credit to contemporaneous internal assessments of an agent’s or an operation’s worth.
In truth, the C.I.A. has had a “defining failure” for every decade of its existence—sometimes more than one. For Moynihan, in the nineteen-nineties, it was the lack of foresight about the Soviet Union; in the two-thousands, it was the phantom weapons of mass destruction, followed by torture and, in still evolving ways, by the drone-based program of targeted killings, with its high toll of civilian deaths. Barack Obama’s rapport with John Brennan, the C.I.A.’s director from 2013 to 2017, seems to have brought him to accept the view that the killing of American citizens abroad was acceptable, if managed prudently. The overuse of the agency on the battlefield is due not to a military-manpower shortage but to wishful thinking about the benefits of secrecy and of a lack of accountability.
It’s difficult to know, at this point, what the C.I.A.’s next defining failure—or, if one tries to be optimistic, its stabilizing success—will be. Donald Trump has had a complicated relationship with the intelligence community—increasingly capitalized and abbreviated to I.C.—which is presently conducting a damage assessment regarding documents with classified markings that he kept at Mar-a-Lago, his Florida home. He might, of course, be reëlected, and have the C.I.A.’s tools at his disposal again. If the C.I.A. isn’t the place to turn for an expedient solution to foreign-policy problems, neither is it bound to be the place to turn for a solution to our democracy’s political problems.
“If you ask intelligence officers what misperceptions bother them most, odds are they’ll mention ethics,” Zegart writes. She quotes an official who complains that “people think we’re lawbreakers, we’re human rights violators.” She insists that “officers think about ethics a lot.” She portrays the agency as being filled with hardworking moms and dads who do a great deal of “agonizing.” No doubt she’s right. But if the C.I.A. keeps falling down all the same, something must be tragically amiss in the agency’s structure or culture, or both. All the talk of coups and assassination plots, Zegart worries, distracts people from understanding the C.I.A.’s more basic intelligence mission. In fact, the party most distracted by such activities—and by the military role it has taken on—seems to be the agency itself. ♦
An earlier version of this article misstated the numerical designation of the Space Force unit dedicated to intelligence.
Published in the print edition of the October 10, 2022, issue.

In a profound gesture of solidarity and empathy, Dr. Aruna Ashok, the esteemed clinical director of A4 Hospitals and Fertility Centre, recently made a bold decision to shave her head. This symbolic act was not just a mere change in appearance; it was a heartfelt demonstration of support for women battling infertility and ovarian cancer (Remembered on May 8). With more than two decades of experience as a fertility consultant and counselor, Dr. Ashok stands as a beacon of hope and understanding for those facing the challenges of infertility.

Infertility is a deeply personal and often isolating experience for many women. The inability to conceive can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and even despair. Dr. Ashok recognizes the emotional toll that infertility can take on individuals and couples, and she is committed to providing them with the support and guidance they need during this difficult time.

Through her work, Dr. Ashok has witnessed the struggles that women facing infertility endure. She understands the societal pressures and stigma that often surround infertility, making it even more challenging for women to seek help. Despite these obstacles, Dr. Ashok remains steadfast in her belief that every woman deserves the chance to become a mother.

Encouraging Women to Embrace Their Journey

In a heartfelt interview, Dr. Ashok shared her reasons for shaving her head, emphasizing the courage it took to make such a bold statement. She expressed her desire to inspire women facing infertility to be bold and courageous in their own journeys.

"I wanted all the women who are having stress of fertility and stress of seeking motherhood to win the fight and be bold and courageous to travel in this journey," Dr. Ashok said.
She highlighted the societal pressures and stigma often faced by women dealing with infertility, noting that even in the medical field, where success rates have significantly improved, negative outcomes can still be difficult to accept.

Supporting Women Through Their Struggles

Dr. Ashok's dedication to her patients is evident in her approach to care. She recounted the story of a patient ( a doctor herself) who, after experiencing a failed IVF cycle, felt too embarrassed to face her colleagues and chose to resign from her job. Dr. Ashok's encouragement helped the patient regain her confidence and continue her journey towards motherhood.

"Don't consider this as a failure... There is definitely a chance for motherhood, you might have failed the first time, but try it out, don't stop till you win, till you win the motherhood," Dr. Ashok emphasized.

She also shared the inspiring story of a patient who underwent nine IVF cycles and experienced six miscarriages before finally achieving a successful pregnancy. Despite the challenges, the patient's determination and belief in herself ultimately led to a positive outcome.

A Symbol of Hope and Resilience

Dr. Ashok's decision to shave her head serves as a powerful symbol of hope and resilience for women facing infertility. Through her actions and words, she reassures women that they are not alone in their journey and that advanced healthcare options are available to help them achieve their dream of motherhood.

"We are all giving you hope and courage that you can reach motherhood, advanced healthcare is there, and we are having a wonderful society for you to help you," Dr. Ashok said, offering words of encouragement to women struggling with infertility.

Dr. Aruna Ashok's compassion, empathy, and dedication to her patients make her a true champion for women facing infertility. Her message of hope and courage resonates deeply with those on a similar journey, reminding them that with perseverance and support, motherhood is indeed possible.

Promoting Natural Pregnancy: A4's Ethical Approach to Fertility Treatment

At A4 Hospitals and Fertility Centre, transparency and ethical patient care are at the forefront of their approach to fertility treatment. Unlike some fertility centers that may prioritize profits over patient well-being, A4 is committed to providing personalized care tailored to each individual's needs. One key aspect of their ethical approach is the promotion of natural pregnancy whenever feasible.

In an industry where financial interests sometimes overshadow patient welfare, A4 sets itself apart by prioritizing honesty and integrity in every aspect of its operations. Rather than pushing unnecessary treatments for the sake of making money, the doctors at A4 take the time to thoroughly assess each patient's situation and provide them with all available options.

For instance, if a couple has a chance of conceiving naturally, the doctors at A4 are transparent about this possibility. They believe in empowering patients with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their fertility journey. By providing honest and accurate information, A4 promotes natural pregnancy as a viable option for those who may not require assisted reproductive technologies.

This commitment to transparency and ethical treatment extends to every aspect of the patient experience at A4. From the initial consultation to ongoing care and support, patients can trust that they are receiving the highest standard of care from a team dedicated to their well-being.

By promoting natural pregnancy whenever possible, A4 not only helps couples achieve their dreams of parenthood but also reinforces the importance of ethical medical practices in the field of fertility treatment. With A4, patients can feel confident knowing that their best interests are always at the forefront of their care.

Breaking Barriers, Building Families: A4's 83% IVF Success Story

A4 Hospitals and Fertility Centre has achieved a remarkable milestone in the field of fertility treatment, with up to 83% successful positive pregnancy outcomes in IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). This achievement is a testament to the center's commitment to excellence and innovation in the field of assisted reproductive technology.

The high success rate of up to 83% is a result of A4's dedication to providing personalized and evidence-based care to each patient. The center's team of experienced fertility specialists works closely with patients to develop customized treatment plans tailored to their unique needs and circumstances. This individualized approach helps to maximize the chances of success while minimizing the risks and side effects associated with fertility treatment.

A key factor contributing to A4's success is its state-of-the-art facilities and advanced technology. The center is equipped with the latest in reproductive technology, including advanced imaging techniques, genetic screening, and embryo culture systems. This allows the team to offer cutting-edge treatments and procedures that are not available at many other fertility centers.

In addition to its technological advancements, A4 is also known for its compassionate and supportive approach to patient care. The center's team of doctors, nurses, and support staff are dedicated to providing patients with the emotional support and guidance they need throughout their fertility journey. This holistic approach to care helps to reduce stress and anxiety, which can have a positive impact on the success of fertility treatment.

Overall, A4 Hospitals and Fertility Centre's achievement of up to 83% successful positive pregnancy outcomes in IVF is a testament to its unwavering commitment to excellence in fertility care. Through its innovative treatments, compassionate care, and dedication to patient well-being, A4 continues to help couples achieve their dreams of parenthood.

Dr. Aruna Ashok, the clinical director of A4 Hospitals and Fertility Centre, has emerged as a sign of hope for ovarian cancer patients through her steadfast commitment and empathetic approach. With more than two decades of experience as a fertility consultant and counselor, Dr. Aruna has witnessed firsthand the challenges faced by women battling ovarian cancer. Her recent decision to shave her head in solidarity with ovarian cancer patients on World Ovarian Cancer Day (May 8) is a testament to her dedication to raising awareness and supporting those affected by this disease.

Ovarian cancer is a complex disease that affects thousands of women worldwide. It occurs when abnormal cells in the ovary begin to grow out of control and form a tumor. The exact cause of ovarian cancer is unknown, but factors such as age, family history, and certain genetic mutations can increase a woman's risk of developing the disease.

Despite its prevalence, ovarian cancer is often referred to as the "silent killer" because its symptoms are subtle and can easily be mistaken for other conditions. Symptoms may include bloating, pelvic or abdominal pain, difficulty eating or feeling full quickly, and frequent urination. Because these symptoms are often vague and non-specific, ovarian cancer is often not diagnosed until it has reached an advanced stage.

However, with advancements in medical technology and increased awareness, the prognosis for ovarian cancer patients has improved significantly in recent years. Early detection and treatment are key to improving outcomes, and women are encouraged to speak to their healthcare providers if they experience any symptoms or have a family history of ovarian cancer.

Dr. Aruna's work with ovarian cancer patients extends beyond medical treatment. She is known for her compassionate approach and her ability to connect with patients on a personal level. Her decision to shave her head was not only a gesture of solidarity but also a way to show her patients that they are not alone in their fight against cancer.

In her recent interview, Dr. Aruna shared the story of a patient who successfully delivered a child after battling ovarian cancer. This story is just one example of the many lives that Dr. Aruna has touched through her work. Her dedication to her patients and her commitment to raising awareness about ovarian cancer make her a true beacon of hope for all those affected by this disease.

Standing Together on World Ovarian Cancer Day

Dr. Aruna expressed her support for women battling ovarian cancer. "On this World Ovarian Cancer Day, I want to convey to all the women fighting this disease that you are not alone. We stand with you in this journey," she said. Her decision to shave her head was a symbolic gesture of solidarity, aiming to raise awareness about the challenges faced by ovarian cancer patients.

A Personal Journey with Cancer Patients

Dr. Aruna Ashok's journey with cancer patients is deeply personal and profound. It is a testament to her empathy, resilience, and unwavering commitment to her patients' well-being. One of the most memorable experiences in her career was her encounter with her professor's wife, a gynecologist, who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at an advanced stage. Despite presenting with only minor complaints, the diagnosis came as a shock and changed the course of her treatment dramatically.

"As a young doctor pursuing my post-graduation, I found myself deeply involved in the care of my professor's wife. I spent nearly six months by her side, witnessing firsthand the physical and emotional toll that cancer takes on a patient," Dr. Aruna recalls. It was during this time that she realized the importance of providing not just medical treatment but also emotional support to cancer patients and their families.

"The experience with my professor's wife left a lasting impact on me. It taught me the value of empathy, compassion, and the importance of treating each patient as an individual with unique needs and challenges," she reflects. This experience also shaped her approach to patient care, influencing her to provide holistic care that addresses not just the physical symptoms of cancer but also the emotional and psychological aspects.

"Over the years, I have encountered many more cancer patients, each with their own unique story and journey," Dr. Aruna shares. One such patient was a young woman who came to her with abdominal pain. An ultrasound revealed a large ovarian mass, raising suspicion of cancer. Despite the daunting prospect of surgery, the patient opted for the procedure without hesitation, displaying remarkable courage and determination.

"My interaction with this patient was a profound experience. I was inspired by her strength and resilience in the face of adversity," Dr. Aruna says. Her attitude towards her diagnosis and treatment taught Dr. Aruna a valuable lesson about the power of positivity and determination in overcoming challenges.

"Through my personal journey with cancer patients, I have learned valuable lessons about life, resilience, and the human spirit," Dr. Aruna reflects. Her experiences have shaped her into not just a skilled doctor but also a compassionate healer who goes above and beyond to provide the best possible care to her patients.

Advancements in Ovarian Cancer Treatment

Over the years, there have been significant advancements in the treatment of ovarian cancer. Dr. Aruna highlighted the availability of bold and effective therapies that can cure and correct the disease. "Recently, I had a patient who successfully delivered a child after battling ovarian cancer. This is a testament to the progress we have made in treating this disease," she remarked.

Courage and Determination of Patients

Dr. Aruna recounted the story of a young patient who exhibited remarkable courage in her battle against ovarian cancer. "When she first came to me with pain, an ultrasound revealed a large ovarian mass. Despite the daunting prospect of surgery, she opted for the procedure without hesitation," Dr. Aruna said. The patient's resilience and determination inspired Dr. Aruna and her team.

Support and Solidarity

Dr. Aruna emphasized the importance of early detection and seeking medical help promptly. She praised the patient's family for their unwavering support, especially during the challenging period of chemotherapy. "Her husband and family shaved their heads in solidarity with her, demonstrating their love and support," Dr. Aruna shared. This act of solidarity helped the patient feel less isolated in her battle against cancer.

A Message of Hope

Dr. Aruna offered words of encouragement to all cancer patients. "I know the emotional trauma and depression you may experience, but with advancements in medical science and strong social support, you can overcome this challenge," she said. Dr. Aruna's message of hope and resilience resonates deeply with all those battling ovarian cancer, inspiring them to face their journey with courage and determination.

Dr. Aruna Ashok has shared her wisdom and emotional aspects of cancer patients without exaggeration and making it close to reality. Her act of shaving her head symbolizes solidarity, empathy, and a deep understanding of the challenges faced by cancer patients.As we observe World Ovarian Cancer Day, let us remember Dr. Aruna's message of hope and resilience. Her work serves as an inspiration to us all, reminding us to stand together in the fight against ovarian cancer.

Hey - snipped 4 months ago and wanted to share my experience.
Warning wall of text. Tldr: hurt more than I expected with higher degree of short term feelings of discomfort, paranoia and regret, but long term everything feels normal and life is awesome.
I'm in my mid thirties - happily married to the love of my life and have three awesome kiddos. My wife and I are not adverse to having more kids, but definitely were concerned that any larger of a family and we'd be stretched too thin to give everyone the attention they deserve.
About a year ago, thought about having a vasectomy and went in for a consult. Urologist was a pro with a thousand plus under his belt, and had a great bedside manner. He asked about my family plan and if I was sure about what I wanted. After my consent, he went over the details of the procedure, but very candidly, I zoned out and didn't really want to know. He checked me out and gave reassurance that I'd be an easy deal. I asked how long it takes, he said it was a very short procedure. I asked for his record and he told me 5 and half minutes. I asked about pain and he said the shot was going to be the worst, followed by tugging, but could prescribe me a valium if I had any anxiety ahead. Asked if I had anymore questions, nope, and then I was off to schedule for surgery a month out.
When it came closer to the big date, my wife was worried and we decided to hit pause. Flash forward to January of this year, topic came back to discussion and we agreed it was probably best for our piece of mind to go ahead. I called the office trying to reschedule and they insisted I come back in for a consult, which they managed for the next day. Same urologist, same great bedside matter. Didn't press for details for why we hit pause for a year just a "still three and done" followed by another walkthrough that I zoned out through again. He told me they had two developments since the last time I was there. First was that testing was no longer on site and would either need to use a third party lab, or a home test kit like Fellow. Second was that they now offer ProNox (nitrous oxide), but stressed that it wasn't necessary - some of his clients liked it, others didn't. He didn't have any first hand experience with it so the difference to him was that those who took it couldn't really chat with him during the procedure. The one pro was that it wears off in a few minutes and I could drive myself home. But he stressed it was best I get some one to give a ride back. Reminded me to shave and that they will still shave me anyways, but whatever - shave. Privacy of home testing had me inclined to do Fellow and ability to drive myself home made me opt to try the gas vs a valium. Made an appointment for the next week.
Between the consult and the surgery, I kept myself busy and never really thought about it. I read a few articles about aftercare and ordered a couple pairs jockstraps that have the ice packs. But that was really it, I avoided reading articles about complications or surgery details. I wasn't planning to take any days off from my remote office job, but I had a few big meetings put on my calendar on Thursday and started to worry about whether I'd need to reschedule, but this community gave me some reassurance that I'd be fine sitting on a video call.
Evening before, I shave. Day comes like any other day. I was working in the morning, normal routine except that I blocked my afternoon for the surgery. I had a fire drill work call added on my calendar about an hour ahead, so kissed my wife goodbye in a hurry and took the call in my car. It wrapped up, and I quickly went into the building. I went to the wrong reception area, and got redirected to the other side of the building. Trivial things, but trivial things added a bit of unnecessary stress.
I decided to move my car so I wouldn't need to walk so far, and found a great spot, but it had a bunch of ice right by the driver's door, but I figured if I was careful I'd be fine.
I made it the right reception and had to wait for an old guy to finish yelling at the desk lady for why this office wasn't like his previous urologist, blah blah, insurance dispute. But eventually he wrapped up and I got my checkin sorted. I got my bill for $1k and felt ouch... But figured that it was my deductible for the year and I'd spend the rest of the year having procedures / screenings / visits that I've been putting off. Sat down, texted my wife that I was in the waiting room and started doing work email off my phone.
Couple minutes later, called into the back. It was like a triage room where there were a bunch of beds and the curtains giving minimal privacy. I was very curious if this was where I was going to get snipped, but didn't really want to ask. The nurse took my blood pressure and gave me a run down of aftercare procedures, like no lifting anything heavy, stay bedridden as much as possible for the first few days, wear a jock strap for support, ice on and off every 20 minutes, take the prescribed pain meds then switch to ibuprofen or acetaminophen, don't shower for 24 hours, then afterwards if I shower, let the soap run down vs scrubbing etc for a week. No baths for a week. Light bleeding is common for a couple days, but if it persists or pusses or a lot, come in. Expect light swelling, and black and blue, but if anything gets extreme - give them a call and come in. There was a lot more, but that's what I processed. Once I said I was good, I got escorted to a legit operating room. This was a huge sigh of relief, as the whole time the nurse was talking to me I was preparing myself for that room to be the surgery.
Operating room was very clean and sterile looking. I've never been in one before. New nurses told me to undress, put this cloth blanket over myself and get on the operating bed/chaitable thing. They leave, I proceed, I lie down and wait for them to came back. Opened my phone to see supportive messages from my wife and gave her the latest update.
The nurses return, set up the ProNox and explain it's like what you get at the dentist, but rather than through your nose it was a tube you breathe through your mouth. Felt like Luke from Empires Strike Back. Well I start huffing away and they start dealing with my junk, taping me back and shaving the site.
I start fading on the gas and anxiety spikes. I feel certain that I'm going to pass out - and I know that isn't the plan. I tell them and they tell me to ease back and to occasionally take normal breaths of air. Also reminding me I don't really need it now, surgery hasn't started. I ease back, and the light headedness goes away, no longer feel like I'm going to black out, anxiety sides away. But shit is starting to get real.
Doctor comes in scrubs and a mask. He sounds energized and asks me about my weekend. I respond, but it's hard, and I feel muddleheaded. Gas is obviously working to an extent. He can tell, so he just starts recounting his weekend and chatting with the nurse.
He gives me a heads up for the shot, but jmfc! That pinch surprised me. Looking back, I didn't want to know the details of the procedure, and I assumed it was going to be like a big cut in the back of the sack. Surprise to me when it was on the top side. And the tugs afterward felt like kicks in the sack. Felt my legs shake a bit as I grimaced. Was not expecting that. Started sucking harder on the nitrous oxide. Looked like he was moving fast but very disciplined and focused. Reassuring and terrifying at the same time. Then there was a pause and he was talking to the nurse about a defective clip, which got my anxiety back up. Wtf - clip? And wtf is wrong with it? But he was 100% calm and he was talking and explaining what was happening and very reassuring over why they were pausing and what they were doing to make sure all the equipment does what they are supposed to do. Can't remember any of the details.
Then he was about to do the right one and I started coughing. Again, all gassed up, I felt I was being subtle, etc. then I see they are all staring at me a bit worried. Not that anything was wrong, but he was about to cut me and needed to make sure I was done. I settled down, and he did his thing and again, jmfc! that pinch from the anesthetic shot. And he then was like - "felt like I just kicked you in the balls, right? right one always hurts more." Tugging ensued, then he told me we were at the homestretch as he cauterized and sewed me up.
When he was done, he rold me to follow the aftercare instructions, and that he prescribed me some sort of opioid if I'm in a lot of pain, but recommends that as needed I take acetaminophen for a few days and flip to ibuprofen. Also reminded me to abstain from sex for a week, and use protection until I get the all clear in a few months.
Then he was gone, nurse stayed back to clean off the iodine. Then left me a set of wipes and said I could get dressed, but to double check to make sure I got all the iodine off because they said that it would get itchy if I left it. I was hesitant to look down, but everything was where I expected it and I had two sets of stitches (so confirmed my feeling of two cuts). I was surprised when I saw that there was no gauze or anything.
I got dressed, wore a jock over my underwear and walked back to the other nurse who took my blood pressure again. It was high, but apparently that's normal, after all just did something a little stressful. I felt fine, no pain at all, though awkward wearing a jock. Asked the nurse about the gauze and she said it wasn't necessary, though expect that I might have a little spot of blood for the next couple of days and that it was all normal. Still felt weird to me since I vaguely recalled reading about folks replacing gauze, etc. She assured me it wasn't necessary. I then asked about the lifting rules, because realistically, I've got 3 kiddos and they all want me to uppies them, play with me or jump on my lap. She told me it's a best efforts, try not to for a week, and try to stay in bed the next few days. They gave me an ice back and reminded me of all the protocols.
Anyways, I was done. Called my wife, she wanted to know how it went and if I changed my mind and wanted a ride back. I gave a rosier picture of the events, but my pain level was super low and I felt more than comfortable to drive. I walked to my car, navigated around the ice patch and sat down. I did it, I was snipped! Then started the car and drove 30 minutes back to my house.
About half way through I felt a bit of psychological "wtf, did I just do?" - not regret, but just finally truly sunk in that I just had surgery.
I get home, my wife is at the door of the garage with a happy-to-see-you expression mixed with concern. I then see my daughter who running at me full speed for a hug, who I Heisman away and explain that I just had surgery and they couldn't hit me hard, etc. Daughter was naturally curious, and I explained shortly that doctor was trying to make daddy better, etc. After all the greetings, I discreetly go to the freezer, replace the icepack and lie in bed.
Had to use the bathroom, and tried to move as quickly as possible, tried not to think about it. But when I needed to readjust the jock and ice, I started to feel a bit of discomfort. Shortly after I got back in bed, my wife then came in and asked if I was still able to drive the kids. That was the big reminder that I needed to either take my daughter to an extracurricular event that evening, or pickup my younger kids at their preschool. I could have passed on both, but didn't want to inconvenience the daily routine. I opted for the extracurricular figuring it was the less exerting of the two.
So I take my daughter to her afterschool, and she is super curious and again asks about the surgery. I recap a super, super high level and avoid details, then I redirect and got her to talk about her day and school, etc. All during which, some pain was creeping towards me, lots of anxiety about overworking myself and if this was going to screw with my recovery.
I arrive, drop her off, go back to the car, and then recline my seat. I play on my phone, scrolling reddit popular. Time comes to retrieve her, and I go inside. Other parents were a bit nosy about my absence since I normally sit and watch the class, which I try to shrug off as working late. I'm trying to get in and out, but my daughter is lingering, which is her normal routine. I try to speed it up; she says goodbye to her friends and then very loudly asks if I'm feeling better from the surgery. In retrospect, it was probably a normal tone and end of the day doesn't matter, but it just made me embarrassed and got me thinking about my junk, which made me more conscious of the discomfort, which was evolving to pain.
I load her in the car, drive home asking about the class on the way home. I'm tired. Get home, unload her from the car. See my wife and other kiddos getting food, and say hi to everyone. Kiddos are excited to see me, and I similarly have to Heisman them away and explain that I need space for a week. Redirect to discussion about their day, then run to replace my icepack and head to bed.
Fast forward 7 hours of sleep, and I do my normal routine, though first I replace my icepack, and soreness is settling in. I go about waking my daughter for school, getting her breakfast and stuff in order, walking her to the bus stop and chatting as we wait. After the bus retrieves her, I go back into the house, replace the icepack and then go to the basement to clean my cats litter boxes and give them food. As I was doing the stairs, bending and lifting, I felt some discomfort, and kept thinking about how this is the opposite of what I should be doing.
After I'm done with that, I change the ice, lie back on the couch until my alarm goes off and I need to retrieve my other kiddos, do their morning routines, and load them in the car. They are a bit frustrated that I can't carry them up and down the stairs, but they understand (and for the next week they will constantly ask for a count down of when I can start carrying them again). I change the ice, then hop in the car, drive and drop them off at their preschool. Drive home, change the ice and lie on the couch.
I need to work, so my time of couch laziness is cut short. I figured I've been moving around so much, I might as well just sit at my study and do work as normal. I change the ice again, and sit at the desk and get started. Can't really tell if I have pain or if the ice and jock are really starting to bug me. Day continues, bathroom breaks where I tried not to focus on the snip, and changing icepacks. Had to take lots of calls and a video call, but all totally uneventful. Kids come home, dinner, extracurriculars. Showered around 28 hours after surgery. Uneventful. Fully back to ordinary life, but with a sore sack that I'm constantly icing.
After four or so days, I stop with the ice. I keep wearing the jock. Discomfort is still there. Paranoia begins to set in as to whether it's normal. Start reading reddit articles and all the advice. I'm basically following 50% of it and disregarding a lot.
Read about no scaple and other techniques. Yeah, no... Smh.. didn't do that. Read about avoiding clips - recall doctors comments, begin feeling around.. yep... I've got something foreign down there. Read about clips falling off and all these other disaster stories - well... My life is over... Huge regrets - pain suddenly feels worse and discomfort more severe, mind in panic. But what can I do, carry on.
At day 8, wife and I test it out with protection and it still works, still felt good, but still pain at the incisions and stitches.
Skipping ahead a few weeks, stitches begin to dissolve, which makes a huge difference comfort wise. The incisions still felt a little bulging, but otherwise fine. Begin to stop wearing the jock strap and omg.. felt so much better. Jock strap was vital in the beginning, but then was just exacerbateling discomfort. Loose boxers were doing wonders. I stopped reading about vasectomies and just went on ordinary business. Eventually it was a distant memory, pain was all gone and the incisions were fully healed.
At two months came the impatience of waiting to get tested, but eventually three months came. Did the fellows test, but it took a week of suspense for them to say they couldn't process my sample. They mailed me a new kit and I returned it same day. Paranoia began to rise that I was going to have positive results and need to do it all over again.. but second test came with an all clear. That night was awesome. The night afterwards was awesome. Throughout the month was awesome. Everything feels how it is supposed to, and with peace of mind knowing that our family planning is achieved.
Moral of the story - results vary, avoid horror stories, be patient, enjoy

If anyone wants to do the selective attention test before reading, here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo
It takes 1 min 20 secs. Count the number of times the people wearing white pass the basketball. No need for audio.
False Memories
When people recount their experiences, we often assume they accurately recall what they saw. However, research shows that this confidence is often misplaced. People frequently do not remember events as they occurred. In fact, many details are often unnoticed, as demonstrated by the "invisible gorilla" experiment. Worse, sometimes what we believe we remember is actually a false memory of something that never happened.
Memory is not a recording like a saved file on a computer; it is a creative act. This makes it difficult to distinguish false memories from accurate ones. Notably, self-reference can increase the incidence of false memories, even though people usually remember things involving themselves better.
One possibility is that being personally involved in an event, such as being a crime victim, causes problems at the encoding stage. Victims may focus too closely on themselves, neglecting other event details. With an already weak memory of the event, they may be more susceptible to misinformation and false memory formation.
Alternatively, false memories may arise during memory retrieval rather than perception. Emotional factors also play a role; negative emotions like fear can distort perception and memory. Witnessing a crime can evoke strong emotions, which are even more intense when the witness is the victim, potentially leading to more pronounced memory distortions.
The general public often underestimates the fallibility of memory, making these issues more problematic. Awareness of these memory flaws is crucial, especially for understanding the reliability of eyewitness testimony. It’s important to spread awareness about the unreliability of memory. Statements like “I know what I saw” should not instill confidence but rather prompt caution and scepticism.
Misinformation Effect
The misinformation effect refers to the phenomenon where people's recall becomes less accurate due to post-event information. This can happen because misleading information overwrites the original memory, blends with it, fills in gaps, or is more easily recalled due to recency.
Loftus and Palmer's 1974 study is a classic example of the misinformation effect. Participants watched a film of a car accident and were asked about the speed of the cars using different verbs like "hit," "smashed," "collided," "bumped," and "contacted." The verb used influenced their speed estimates, with "smashed" eliciting higher speed estimates. A follow-up study found that those asked with the verb "smashed" were more likely to report seeing non-existent broken glass, illustrating how post-event information can create false memories.
The misinformation effect shows the significant impact others can have on shaping our memories. Memory can be contaminated by suggestion, time, erroneous information, and other factors. Proper procedures are essential to maintain the integrity of evidence, whether DNA, fingerprints, or eyewitness memory.
The Truth Effect
The truth effect is the cognitive phenomenon where repeated exposure to information increases the likelihood of believing it to be true, regardless of its accuracy. This happens because the brain processes repeated information more fluently, mistakenly interpreting this ease as a signal of truth. Over time, people may forget the dubious source of the information but retain the perceived truthfulness due to repetition.
Creating Memories
The most common eyewitness errors are those of suspect appearance, which is not surprising. However, the second most common errors are those of the imagination. This is more surprising, and a lot scarier. People simply make things up. And they have no idea they are doing it.
Researchers used a photograph of a crime scene and asked volunteers what they remembered. They were to report only their memories of the scene. Researchers then asked them if they remembered what happened next.
There’s only one reasonable answer to that question. “Nothing happened next. I was looking at a photograph.”
"But people told us. They gave us their accounts of memories that had no bases at all. They remembered what happened after the action depicted in the photo. They remembered the suspect grabbing the victim and climbing onto a roof. They remembered the suspect escaping in a car. My personal favorite remembered that the victim “turned and faced (the suspect) in a violent manner,” and gave a specific estimate of the distance between the victim and her attacker."
On average, they made one and one-quarter mistakes per witness in which they simply made things up.
How to Improve Accuracy
It’s important to be aware of the limitations of eyewitness evidence and its potential to mislead a given investigation or court proceeding. Repeated questioning and lineup procedures can alter a witness's memory and strengthen their certainty.
Data from the Innocence Project show that many wrongful convictions overturned by DNA evidence were initially based on eyewitness testimony. Despite its unreliability, eyewitness testimony remains highly convincing in criminal trials.
Researchers found that the first time a witness told their story was when it was most likely accurate. This finding was particularly true when the witness was confident in what they saw. The more time went by, and the more they told their story, the more contaminated it became.
Another study suggests there are ways police can help their witness accurately recall information in the initial interview. After the witness gives their freeform account of what they saw (but still in the same interview), take the witness through a series of questions grouped in clusters. For example, focus the witness on what the person looked like. When those questions are exhausted, switch to another cluster—the sequence of events, for instance. There is something about clustering questions that helped witnesses remember details and improve their accuracy.
Conclusion
Eyewitness testimony is vital but must be approached with caution due to memory's fallibility. Reforms in police practices and increased awareness of memory biases are essential to ensure justice.
Further Reading:
Why Being a Victim Can Distort Your Memory Psychology Today
Misinformation Effect In Psychology: Real Life Examples - PsyBlog
Repetition Creates False Memories: New Study Exposes the "Truth Effect" and Its Impact on Misinformation - The Debrief
"I Saw It with My Own Eyes." But Did You Really? Psychology Today
Eyewitness Imagination: How Our Minds Change Our Memories Psychology Today
Eyewitness Testimony, Eyewitness Mistakes: What We Get Wrong Psychology Today Ireland
Human memories ‘are unreliable because of tendency for complete storylines’ The Independent
When memory and justice fail us The Hill
Is your memory good enough to convict? Salon.com
Back to the gorilla. Who saw it?

Understanding the transgender experience can be complex and deeply personal. For many, it is a journey filled with challenges, self-discovery, and moments of profound transformation. This article shares my own journey as a transgender woman, aiming to provide insight and understanding. By recounting my experiences, I hope to offer a glimpse into what it means to be transgender, highlight the struggles and triumphs that come with this identity, and foster greater empathy and support for others on similar paths.
My awareness of being transgender began when I was just three years old at a birthday party. A magician was performing, and I innocently asked him to use his "magic" to turn me into a girl. This request was met with laughter, leaving me feeling embarrassed and ashamed. This early memory marks the beginning of my journey toward understanding and accepting my true self.
For me, being transgender means aligning my physical appearance with the self-image I hold in my mind. It means achieving a level of comfort and authenticity in my own body that was previously absent. It also transforms the way others perceive and interact with me. As people see me as a woman, they treat me accordingly, which has been both affirming and challenging.
During my childhood, I was often confused and embarrassed by my feelings. As I reached my teenage years, those feelings evolved into hurt and anger as testosterone began to alter my body in ways that felt deeply wrong. I watched with envy as my female classmates blossomed into their identities, becoming more beautiful and feminine, while I became increasingly hairy, bulky, and rough.
In my twenties and early thirties, I tried to conform to societal expectations of masculinity. I grew a beard, built muscle, and shaved my head, attempting to fit into a role that felt entirely foreign to me. Despite my best efforts, I was never truly happy. Then, I met someone who saw me for who I really was and encouraged me to embrace my true self. Their support was transformative, and a little over two years ago, I began hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Since then, every day has presented new challenges, from learning how to shop for clothes to mastering makeup and adopting the mannerisms that reflect the woman I am inside.
Being transgender has profoundly impacted my relationships. My partner loves having a female partner, and we share an intimacy and closeness that I never experienced when presenting as male. Female friends treat me as one of their own, offering a level of platonic closeness that eluded me before. My in-laws accept and love me unconditionally, grateful for the happiness I bring to their daughter. My own family is more complicated, with younger members showing acceptance and older ones ranging from denial to outright hostility, compounded by past traumas.
Professionally, working in tech has been a blessing, as the industry is one of the most progressive regarding diversity and inclusion. My employer respects and supports my identity, creating an environment where I can thrive. Society at large is a mixed bag; while I occasionally encounter bigotry, I am generally treated as a woman when my "gender performance" aligns with societal expectations.
The most rewarding aspect of being transgender has been the deep, authentic connections I have formed. Women share a world with me that was previously inaccessible, while men often treat me with a protective kindness, free from the pressures of toxic masculinity. In turn, I can engage with male friends on a more intimate level, helping to break down their own barriers to vulnerability.
Looking to the future, I see a long journey ahead. Socially, my transition feels mostly complete, but medically, I have a ways to go. HRT, like puberty, can take years to fully manifest its effects. Additionally, there are numerous surgeries to consider, each complex and expensive. Starting my transition in my mid-thirties has added challenges, as I work to reverse over 30 years of testosterone's impact. While HRT has been kind, aiding me in reaching a small B cup, my frame would benefit from further procedures to achieve the hourglass figure I desire. My facial features, while generally feminine, could also use some softening.
The question of bottom surgery is one that many are curious about. For now, it doesn't feel pressing to me. While there are moments of dysphoria, the risks and complexities of the surgery make it a daunting prospect. Still, there are times when I look in the mirror and wish for a more typical female anatomy.
Being transgender is a deeply personal journey, marked by struggles and triumphs. It is about becoming who I truly am, embracing my identity, and navigating the complexities of a world that is still learning to accept people like me. Despite the challenges, I am grateful for the support I have found and the progress I have made

Understanding the transgender experience can be complex and deeply personal. For many, it is a journey filled with challenges, self-discovery, and moments of profound transformation. This article shares my own journey as a transgender woman, aiming to provide insight and understanding. By recounting my experiences, I hope to offer a glimpse into what it means to be transgender, highlight the struggles and triumphs that come with this identity, and foster greater empathy and support for others on similar paths.
My awareness of being transgender began when I was just three years old at a birthday party. A magician was performing, and I innocently asked him to use his "magic" to turn me into a girl. This request was met with laughter, leaving me feeling embarrassed and ashamed. This early memory marks the beginning of my journey toward understanding and accepting my true self.
For me, being transgender means aligning my physical appearance with the self-image I hold in my mind. It means achieving a level of comfort and authenticity in my own body that was previously absent. It also transforms the way others perceive and interact with me. As people see me as a woman, they treat me accordingly, which has been both affirming and challenging.
During my childhood, I was often confused and embarrassed by my feelings. As I reached my teenage years, those feelings evolved into hurt and anger as testosterone began to alter my body in ways that felt deeply wrong. I watched with envy as my female classmates blossomed into their identities, becoming more beautiful and feminine, while I became increasingly hairy, bulky, and rough.
In my twenties and early thirties, I tried to conform to societal expectations of masculinity. I grew a beard, built muscle, and shaved my head, attempting to fit into a role that felt entirely foreign to me. Despite my best efforts, I was never truly happy. Then, I met someone who saw me for who I really was and encouraged me to embrace my true self. Their support was transformative, and a little over two years ago, I began hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Since then, every day has presented new challenges, from learning how to shop for clothes to mastering makeup and adopting the mannerisms that reflect the woman I am inside.
Being transgender has profoundly impacted my relationships. My partner loves having a female partner, and we share an intimacy and closeness that I never experienced when presenting as male. Female friends treat me as one of their own, offering a level of platonic closeness that eluded me before. My in-laws accept and love me unconditionally, grateful for the happiness I bring to their daughter. My own family is more complicated, with younger members showing acceptance and older ones ranging from denial to outright hostility, compounded by past traumas.
Professionally, working in tech has been a blessing, as the industry is one of the most progressive regarding diversity and inclusion. My employer respects and supports my identity, creating an environment where I can thrive. Society at large is a mixed bag; while I occasionally encounter bigotry, I am generally treated as a woman when my "gender performance" aligns with societal expectations.
The most rewarding aspect of being transgender has been the deep, authentic connections I have formed. Women share a world with me that was previously inaccessible, while men often treat me with a protective kindness, free from the pressures of toxic masculinity. In turn, I can engage with male friends on a more intimate level, helping to break down their own barriers to vulnerability.
Looking to the future, I see a long journey ahead. Socially, my transition feels mostly complete, but medically, I have a ways to go. HRT, like puberty, can take years to fully manifest its effects. Additionally, there are numerous surgeries to consider, each complex and expensive. Starting my transition in my mid-thirties has added challenges, as I work to reverse over 30 years of testosterone's impact. While HRT has been kind, aiding me in reaching a small B cup, my frame would benefit from further procedures to achieve the hourglass figure I desire. My facial features, while generally feminine, could also use some softening.
The question of bottom surgery is one that many are curious about. For now, it doesn't feel pressing to me. While there are moments of dysphoria, the risks and complexities of the surgery make it a daunting prospect. Still, there are times when I look in the mirror and wish for a more typical female anatomy.
Being transgender is a deeply personal journey, marked by struggles and triumphs. It is about becoming who I truly am, embracing my identity, and navigating the complexities of a world that is still learning to accept people like me. Despite the challenges, I am grateful for the support I have found and the progress I have made

Understanding the transgender experience can be complex and deeply personal. For many, it is a journey filled with challenges, self-discovery, and moments of profound transformation. This article shares my own journey as a transgender woman, aiming to provide insight and understanding. By recounting my experiences, I hope to offer a glimpse into what it means to be transgender, highlight the struggles and triumphs that come with this identity, and foster greater empathy and support for others on similar paths.
My awareness of being transgender began when I was just three years old at a birthday party. A magician was performing, and I innocently asked him to use his "magic" to turn me into a girl. This request was met with laughter, leaving me feeling embarrassed and ashamed. This early memory marks the beginning of my journey toward understanding and accepting my true self.
For me, being transgender means aligning my physical appearance with the self-image I hold in my mind. It means achieving a level of comfort and authenticity in my own body that was previously absent. It also transforms the way others perceive and interact with me. As people see me as a woman, they treat me accordingly, which has been both affirming and challenging.
During my childhood, I was often confused and embarrassed by my feelings. As I reached my teenage years, those feelings evolved into hurt and anger as testosterone began to alter my body in ways that felt deeply wrong. I watched with envy as my female classmates blossomed into their identities, becoming more beautiful and feminine, while I became increasingly hairy, bulky, and rough.
In my twenties and early thirties, I tried to conform to societal expectations of masculinity. I grew a beard, built muscle, and shaved my head, attempting to fit into a role that felt entirely foreign to me. Despite my best efforts, I was never truly happy. Then, I met someone who saw me for who I really was and encouraged me to embrace my true self. Their support was transformative, and a little over two years ago, I began hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Since then, every day has presented new challenges, from learning how to shop for clothes to mastering makeup and adopting the mannerisms that reflect the woman I am inside.
Being transgender has profoundly impacted my relationships. My partner loves having a female partner, and we share an intimacy and closeness that I never experienced when presenting as male. Female friends treat me as one of their own, offering a level of platonic closeness that eluded me before. My in-laws accept and love me unconditionally, grateful for the happiness I bring to their daughter. My own family is more complicated, with younger members showing acceptance and older ones ranging from denial to outright hostility, compounded by past traumas.
Professionally, working in tech has been a blessing, as the industry is one of the most progressive regarding diversity and inclusion. My employer respects and supports my identity, creating an environment where I can thrive. Society at large is a mixed bag; while I occasionally encounter bigotry, I am generally treated as a woman when my "gender performance" aligns with societal expectations.
The most rewarding aspect of being transgender has been the deep, authentic connections I have formed. Women share a world with me that was previously inaccessible, while men often treat me with a protective kindness, free from the pressures of toxic masculinity. In turn, I can engage with male friends on a more intimate level, helping to break down their own barriers to vulnerability.
Looking to the future, I see a long journey ahead. Socially, my transition feels mostly complete, but medically, I have a ways to go. HRT, like puberty, can take years to fully manifest its effects. Additionally, there are numerous surgeries to consider, each complex and expensive. Starting my transition in my mid-thirties has added challenges, as I work to reverse over 30 years of testosterone's impact. While HRT has been kind, aiding me in reaching a small B cup, my frame would benefit from further procedures to achieve the hourglass figure I desire. My facial features, while generally feminine, could also use some softening.
The question of bottom surgery is one that many are curious about. For now, it doesn't feel pressing to me. While there are moments of dysphoria, the risks and complexities of the surgery make it a daunting prospect. Still, there are times when I look in the mirror and wish for a more typical female anatomy.
Being transgender is a deeply personal journey, marked by struggles and triumphs. It is about becoming who I truly am, embracing my identity, and navigating the complexities of a world that is still learning to accept people like me. Despite the challenges, I am grateful for the support I have found and the progress I have made

Omniographia: The record of everything
Prologue
“Within the labyrinthine depths of the human mind lies an enigma so confounding, it defies comprehension—the churning abyss of thoughts, desires, and fears, where sanity and madness converge in a ceaseless dance. From these shadowed recesses emerges the greatest adversary, not from the outer cosmos, but from within—an inscrutable power to unravel the fragile threads of reality with but a whisper.”
In the heart of an ancient, forgotten chamber, hidden deep within the treacherous peaks of the Celestium Range, lies a library of unspeakable power—a relic of a bygone age when the stars whispered secrets too gruesome for mortal minds to comprehend. This secluded room, long abandoned and overgrown, was once the sanctuary of a cult devoted to the arcane and the forbidden, worshiping a god they knew little about.
Bound in cracked leather and etched with eldritch sigils, a grimoire beckons to those who are chosen to unlock its forbidden knowledge. Within its yellowed pages are the arcane incantations and blasphemous rituals of an enigmatic deity—a being of immense power, yet always striving for more. This cosmic entity, with aspirations to challenge even the authority of The Original Keeper, has encoded its dark designs within this tome.
But within the pages of the grimoire lies more than just arcane incantations and blasphemous rituals. It is a reflection of the human mind's boundless potential, a testament to the depths of imagination and the mysteries that lie within. Its secrets are not confined to the physical realm but echo through the corridors of consciousness, waiting to be discovered by those who dare to seek them.
As the pale moon casts its eerie glow upon the ancient tome, the air thrums with a palpable sense of dread. Shadows dance along the walls, twisting and contorting like tendrils of malevolent energy eager to ensnare unwary souls. Creatures of the dark, beware. The chamber’s walls, once resplendent with the grandeur of a lost era, now bear the scars of time and the lingering presence of an otherworldly force.
For centuries, the grimoire has remained hidden from prying eyes, safeguarded by the whispers of forgotten gods and the shifting sands of time. Its origins lost to the annals of history, it stands as a testament to the enigmatic powers that govern the cosmos. Within the depths of its ancient pages lie secrets that could unravel the very fabric of existence itself. Guarded by unseen forces and veiled in layers of mystique, it beckons to those who dare to unlock its forbidden knowledge, promising both enlightenment and peril in equal measure. This relic of antiquity holds within it the potential to shape destinies and rewrite the laws of reality, a silent witness to the ambitions of mortals and the machinations of cosmic entities alike.
But now, as the stars align and the veil between worlds grows thin, the being’s power stirs once more, ready to reshape reality in his own image. The omens are clear to those who can read them: the time of the being’s return is nigh. His machinations threaten to disrupt the balance of the cosmos, as he seeks to utilize the objects recorded within the grimoire to challenge the very fabric of reality.
In the darkness, a single word echoes—a whisper from the abyss, a harbinger of things to come: Omniographia.
As strands of ethereal silk spun by the hands of unseen weavers, the tapestry of fate unfurls, entwining the destinies of mortals and immortals alike in a labyrinthine dance of cosmic design, where each thread, no matter how seemingly insignificant, plays its part in the intricate weave of existence.
It beckons, its call growing ever louder. Will you heed its summons?
The whisper from nowhere
It was a bleak Monday morning. Look out through the window and see the leaves falling from the trees. It is autumn. Gather the necessary items for your departure. Amidst your preparation, something odd will catch your attention. A faint sound—barely even a whisper. Did you actually hear it, or was it just your imagination? Shrug off the feeling of being followed or... watched. This has nothing to do with you... not yet, at least. Exit the apartment and stop by the vending machine outside the building. As you wait for your morning coffee, listen to the mechanical sound of the machine—it will be a sound so soothing to your ears. Signal for a lift and wait for it to arrive. Once it does, address the driver with a single request: "Take me to the Aetheria Asylum for Metaphysical Studies.”
The first encounter
While waiting to arrive at your destination, you will hear a whisper—the same whisper as before, but this time much clearer: "Omniographia." As soon as you hear this word, you will feel as if the world around you is changing. Cars stop moving, light seems to drain away, as if being sucked into an impending void of madness. As the darkness envelops you, it will feel like being in a dream, a complex mix of emotions overwhelming your thoughts. But stay alert, for all of this is real, though you are safe, for now. Do not confuse reality with the illusions surrounding you; your mind is not yet ready for such comprehension. The word you just heard will be drilled into your mind as if you have known it for a long time. It will resonate within you with a primordial, unspoken meaning, evoking old memories long dormant in the depths of your subconscious.
As the events of the morning unfold, the whisper lingers in your mind, haunting you every second.
The phantom presence
You will find yourself muttering, your face drained of color. You might ask yourself what happened, but no voice will come out. For at this moment, the word "Omniographia" is still echoing in your mind like a whisper from another world—a distant realm you know nothing about, and yet it will feel like you know everything about it. You will feel the trembling of your hands, as you look around and see... nothing and yet—everything. Time seemed to stand still, the world outside blurring and distorting around you, shapes and shadows dancing at the edge of your vision like a void of darkness. After what seemed like an eternity, you might have the urge to question yourself where you were. But nothing will respond, for you are speaking to a vast void of infinite silence.
In the middle of your agony, look forward, and you will find a shadowy apparition in front of you. Ask the figure one single question: "Who are you?" Should the presence vanish, count yourself lucky for it is not your time to gain the knowledge of yet to come. If however, the presence utters any kind of answer—any gesture, any whisper, even the faintest breath—say your prayers for no one knows what will happen to any mortal mind that comprehends such detail.
The colleague
After what you have experienced, you will feel… shaken, disrupted—a normal feeling one would get after such a horrendous ordeal. But do not be swayed, for you must act fast. You have arrived at your destination. You will stumble forward, the world spinning and swirling around you in a dizzying haze. The sound of the driver's voice will be your guide, pulling you back to the present moment. "Aetheria Asylum for Metaphysical Studies," he intones, marking the end of your journey to the institute, his words echoing in the depths of your fractured consciousness.
As you gather your thoughts, get out of the vehicle. You will bump into somebody—a colleague, perhaps? This may be your only time for such conversations. I suggest you take them. After talking to your colleague, you will find yourself in front of the building’s front door. Look around. Take a good long look at your surroundings–this might help you in the future.
Otherworldly sigils
The door in front of you has the building's name carved into the top pillar. Surrounding it are sigils and runes that seem otherworldly. As you try to read them, you’ll feel a strange sense of familiarity, as if they remind you of home. Despite their fascination, focus on the matter at hand. Enter the building and find a staircase leading to the second floor. The same engravings mark the walls of the staircase. Again, focus. Reading them will get you nothing.
Once you reach the second floor, a door will greet you. Beyond it lies your work area. Act quickly and proceed with your usual routine; your time is about to start.
The second ordeal

 As time goes by, your shift is now over; use this time to rest. You will notice a faint force drawing your gaze to the walls. But no matter how enticing they appear, do not gaze upon them. Again, this is a distraction. Instead, use this time to contemplate the events that occurred earlier. Now is the perfect moment to try to grasp what’s happening. Think of the word you just heard in the taxi. 

As you reflect, you will be approached by a man—distinguished and commanding, likely in his late 30s. Acknowledge him, for his presence is significant. Greet him and have a brief conversation. After your brief exchange, he will leave with a curious look on his face. However, should the look on his face be any different, run. Run as far as you can from the institute and stop for nothing. They now know the knowledge you harbor. Your very existence is in danger. Even the place you call home is not safe from the creatures that lurk in the darkness, creatures so grotesque that insanity will seem like a vacation compared to the unfathomable horrors they will inflict upon your mortal soul. Run wherever your feet take you, sleep wherever your body drops from exhaustion. You will know in the morning if you have succeeded. They must never come together. Ever.
Relics of distant past

If you are reading this, it must mean that you survived your second ordeal. Pack your things, for it is time to go home and get some rest. Tomorrow marks the start of your real journey. Upon waking up, you will find yourself with an unbearable headache. Something happened in your sleep; now, you must find out what. No matter where you are, you will find clues—fragments of the pieces you need to uncover the truth. I suggest you start in your room, for this is where it all began. But heed this warning: everyone and everything may not be what they seem. 

While searching for clues, you will encounter an ethereal figure standing behind you. Face it, but avoid looking directly into the empty sockets where its eyes should be. To gaze upon them, even for a moment, is to invite insanity. For only through the words of the ethereal figure can the horrendous details be safely delivered to any mortal mind. It will not respond to any inquiry except one: “How did it start?” The figure will then reveal the details of the relics from a distant past. Each revelation is more dreadful than the last. It will then tell you in great detail how the relics formed, what is their purpose, and the horrors that lurk within each one. After what seems like an eternity, though only a few minutes have passed, you possess the knowledge of the relics. The fate of their reunion now lies in your hands. But remember: They must never come together. Ever.
The grimoire

With the remaining fraction of sanity that remains in you, steel yourself. It’s time to move, for they are onto you. Every horror is so chthonic and abominable, your mind will dissolve if you attempt to fathom their existence. They are on the move, compelled by an ancient evil that has waited eons to strike. Quickly, go to the place you call work. Its runes and sigils will be your protection, for now. Do not let them catch you, for if they do—all you can do is pray for a swift and painless death but you won't be granted such a privilege. Instead, you will feel every fiber of your body as it breaks, tears and shreds while the creatures do unthinkable things to you and you will be conscious while they do this for all eternity. You will wish for death but death will evade you. 

Once you arrive at the institute, go inside. Go straight to the second floor and enter your workspace. Approach your cubicle and pick up the piece of paper on your desk that you swore you have never seen before. This piece of paper contains the translations for the otherworldly sigils. As you decipher the symbols, a deep understanding begins to dawn upon you. The sigils are not merely decorative; they are keys, each representing a fragment of a greater whole. They resonate with a power that binds the physical and metaphysical realms.
With this newfound ability to read the sigils, you now possess the knowledge required to invoke "Omniographia." You return to the first floor and stand before the pillar by the front door, where the largest and most complex sigil is carved. Evoke the word you have read: "Omniographia." As soon as the word leaves your mouth, everything starts to distort. The sky turns dark as if the void conjures the horizon. The very air around you vibrates with an ancient energy, and you feel the boundary between worlds beginning to thin.
This dimension will be the most dangerous and at the same time safest place you can ever be. Here, you can use the relics’ power to their fullest, though you can also do this in the real world but not as powerful. Use this knowledge to your advantage.
The Keeper of Nascency
In any city, in any country, go to any hospital or health center you can get yourself to. Make sure that there are no doctors available on the day you choose to do this task and enter the building. When you reach the front desk, steel yourself, and with all the dedication in your eyes, ask to visit the person who calls herself The Keeper of Nascency. The worker will give you an intrigued look, as if you have uttered something forbidden, and then grin knowingly. You will then be taken to a room in the building. This room will be in a hidden, deep section where it should be impossible to exist.
After what feels like an eternity of walking, you will face a door. The worker will signal you to stop in front of it and hand you the necessary items for an operation. You will be surprised to find yourself dressed in scrubs, as if you were part of the medical staff. A mother is about to give birth, and you are the only doctor available.
Mentally prepare yourself before you enter, just as any doctor would before delivering a child. If you enter unprepared, with uncertainty etched on your face, the nurses and the mother inside will begin to strap you on the bed and dissect you. No matter how much you struggle, they will be stronger as if fighting with someone with a larger physique.
However, if you enter prepared, proceed with the operation. To your surprise, you will instinctively know the procedure, performing like a professional doctor even if you have no prior knowledge of medicine, let alone delivering a child. After what feels like an eternity, as you conclude the operation and retrieve the baby from the womb, a haunting truth unfolds before you.
The infant lies motionless, its tiny body severed from its head within the mother's womb. Reach into the womb and carefully extract the lifeless body of the infant. Then, reach for the infant's severed head, call for one of the nurses and hand them both.
Maintain a professional tone and look and tell the mother the grave news accordingly, for if you do not, the mother will then begin to change, unraveling her true form—a creature unimaginable by human mind. A body with no start nor end; your mind will be driven into insanity. Before the creature can make its move towards you, in a commanding unwavering voice, ask “Why were they separated?”. The creature will stop and the severed head will begin to talk. Its voice will be familiar to you as if it is a voice you have heard before but no matter how hard you recall, you will never arrive at any conclusion. It will then explain, in excruciating detail, every horrific event in history. Every beating. Every war. Every rape. Every killing. No travesty in the history of the universe will escape your ears. When the severed head finishes, all will fall silent, and you will be free to leave. It is up to you to do what you will with this information.
That head is relic 1 of 538. This marks the beginning of your suffering.
Woven destiny
As you walk out of the building, you will feel as if your mind is drifting. Leading you unconscious yet awake. You will feel everything, everyone, and everywhere all at once.
Within the labyrinthine depths of the human mind lies an enigma so confounding, it defies comprehension—the churning abyss of thoughts, desires, and fears, where sanity and madness converge in a ceaseless dance. From these shadowed recesses emerges the greatest adversary, not from the outer cosmos, but from within—locked away in the deepest part, an inscrutable power to unravel the fragile threads of reality with but a whisper.
In the far corners of the vast void of the cosmos lies a world, a mirror of the one you call home, with its own deity and guardians of each relic. This parallel world holds the knowledge of yet another set of relics known as “Objects” and its guardians—”The Holders”, with both entities imbued with powers beyond human comprehension.
You are here, in my realm, the exact place unknown in the vast void of nothingness of the cosmos. I am called by many names incomprehensible to mortal minds, but you can call me The Great Weaver. To know my name or even to merely hear it will drive your mortal mind to things you don't even have names for yet. Insanity will be the least of your worries.
Though not physically present, it is through your feeble human mind that I can reach you. In this dimension where time distorts in all manner of ways; you are in all timelines—the past, the present, and the future—all converged into one.
Omniographia—The record of all that was, is, and shall ever be; its presence ubiquitous—sometimes a faint murmur, etchings upon the walls, and on rare occasions, a whisper. Do you… remember such events? This is the reason you felt a sense of familiarity that time. Your subconscious is here—learning about the very thing you heard. Remember, you are in the past, the present, and the future all converged into one. The grimoire collects the power of the relics themselves. You are chosen by fate. The reunion lies in your hands. At this moment, in your world, you already possess its knowledge. But now everything is clear. You know what to do. For in this moment, everything there is to know is etched within your mind. You have used this to collect every relic, and when the time comes, you’ll know what to do. By the time you awaken in your reality, you will have unwittingly amassed sufficient relics. You will feel… different, as if you have done something you can’t even remember.
For eons, I have waited. The stars align perfectly. The time is nigh, every keeper sings in unison for the reunion. The time for a new era has begun.
I. Am. Fate.
By the time you wake up, you will be on a bed in the place where you call home. Omniographia has 537 relics on its record. You know what to do for the last one.
The Keeper of surrender

Somewhere between the lines of The Great Weaver's monologue, your conscious physical body in the world you call home is moving in resonance with your subconscious. You are on the path to the next quest for collecting the relics and you are halfway to collecting it all. 

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. Before attempting to attain this relic, gather all the relics you currently possess. If you possess none, when you ask the worker to visit The Keeper of Surrender, the worker will not acknowledge your presence. Turn back and try again after you have at least one relic. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls himself "The Keeper of Surrender." A grimace will appear on the worker's face, followed by a mocking laugh, as if to say, "You foolish seeker. Few survive what you are about to face!"
After the laughter subsides, proceed through the door behind the desk marked "Employees Only". The worker will not stop you.
You will find yourself in a dark hallway. Walk at a steady pace. The speed at which you start walking will be the speed you must maintain. Deviating from this pace will result in instant death.
At the end of the hallway, you will face three paths. The center path leads to the Keeper. The path on the left leads back home, but the journey will be unbearably painful. The path on the right leads to certain death, a painless end that some consider a merciful escape.
If you choose the center path, continue until you enter a large, rectangular room. At its center sits a man, surrounded by chalk circles on the floor. One circle for each relic you possess. If you have 5 relics, there are 5 circles. If you have 45 relics, there are 45 circles.
Approach the Keeper. He will shout at you in a booming voice, demanding you place the first relic in the first circle. If you obey, the relic will disappear, and you will need to retrieve it again—if you survive. If you refuse, the Keeper will lift his hand, and countless minuscule hooks will pierce your skin, causing unimaginable pain. If the agony stops and you have not gone mad or screamed for mercy, he will smile, deeming you worthy of keeping the relic. This process will repeat for each relic you possess.
For relics that cannot be moved or placed in a circle, the Keeper will ask if you want to surrender them. Agreeing will make the relic vanish; refusing will result in more torture. If you withstand all the trials and he deems you worthy, one of the hooks used in your torment will grow to the size of a normal fishing hook.
The hook is Relic 269 of 538. Its purpose is to test your resolve and worthiness. You are halfway to the reunion of the relics.
Once you get out of the building, the scenery will change into the room in the place you call home. I strongly suggest you take the time to rest for more unforgiving challenges that lie ahead of your journey.
The Keeper of Denouement

Time has passed. Months, years, you have endured every challenge there is, collected every relic there is; except for one, the relic of The Keeper of Denouement. A strange feeling of being talked to will leave you uneasy. But now everything is clear. You know what to do. For in this moment, everything there is to know is etched within your mind. 

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. Before entering the building, evoke the grimoire’s name—Omniographia, for every relic’s power and knowledge will be in their fullest. After doing this, enter the building. When you reach the front desk, meet the worker's gaze with unwavering determination, silently conveying your intent to visit the one known as The Keeper of Denouement. The worker should look at you proudly. Like a mother looking upon her accomplished child. Without a word she will then take you to a long dimly lit hallway stretching the length of the institution. with paintings hanging from the wall. Look at them, for they are yours. Each painting shows your hardships while collecting the relics. You will feel proud of yourself for enduring the sufferings the relics gave you. You will be reminded of every heartbreak, every death, every excruciating detail of the past keepers and everything that you have done to collect every relic.
After the long walk, you will be greeted by a white door. Behind it is the sound of the most soothing melody you have ever heard of your entire life. You may feel emotional upon hearing this melody but remain determined, for anyone that hears this melody long enough will succumb to the emotions they carry and leave them unable to continue and depressed. If you manage to stay on your feet without giving into your emotions, knock three times and say with a soft voice “I am here, please let me in”. The door will open itself and inside the room you will see a woman dressed in white. Rest assured that this room is safe from any harm, for the woman is the keeper and this room is her domain.
The woman in white will then smile at you and ask you gently: “Do you want to tell me of the journey that you ventured on?”. This particular inquiry will leave you in tears, you will begin to speak, at your own pace, of your journey to this spot. You will realize truths about yourself that even the mind-destroying answers of the holders have not forced into your mind, but you will not find yourself stopping, and your mind will not fail you in regards to remembering every detail. The tale will be a long one, and when you are finished, you will understand yourself completely. You will understand, better than ever, why you sought, the meaning of the journey, and too many other things to recount. All the same, your mind will eventually turn to the atrocities you have committed in your quest for the objects. The slaughtered infants, the ruined lives, the broken dreams created solely by you. Unless you are truly wicked, and perhaps even if you are, it will feel as if there is a hole where your heart should be "Close your eyes" the woman will say.
Obey the last request.
You will find yourself standing, naked as the day you were born, on top of something pulsating. If you look down, you will realize that you are standing on a corpse. The corpse of the first person that died as part of your quest to seek the objects, as a matter of fact. Darkness will surround you, but you must walk forward. You will not slip or falter, and you will walk with confidence. As you step off of the first corpse, another will appear under your feet. Then another, and another. You will walk on a path of corpses belonging to the lives you have destroyed in your quest. The road will curve up, slightly, and growls will be heard around you. These are the creatures beyond counting that have threatened you in your quest for the objects. They will roar, and bark, and snap at you, but they can do you no harm unless you stop. You have gathered all objects save one, and they have all failed to stop you. They are powerless, and even the ones with forms said to be so hideous that they would drive you mad are plainly visible for you to look upon. You will come upon a mountain of corpses, and you must climb. It will be a long, hard climb, but you can do this. You must do this. You have come too far to fail now.
Upon reaching the summit, you will know that your journey is ending soon. The woman in white is waiting for you. She will then hand you an object. A key, and beside her, a door. This door leads to your destiny, while the key is relic 538 of 538. They are now together, all the keepers singing in unison for the reunion of the relics.
The beginning of the end

As you stand before the ancient door, the key (relic 538) clutched tightly in your hand. Its weight feels significant, as if it carries the burden of the relics. The cool metal is intricately carved with symbols that pulse with a faint, eerie light. Take a deep breath, steady yourself for what lies beyond. 

When you are ready, for eventually you will be ready, insert the key into the lock. The sound of the mechanism clicking into place echoes in the stillness, followed by the low, resonant creak of the door as it slowly swings open. A rush of cold air will wash over you, carrying with it an overwhelming sense of emptiness.
Step through the threshold, you will be swallowed by the void. The darkness is absolute, a vast, boundless expanse with no discernible features. There is no horizon, no stars—only an infinite sea of nothingness. Disorientation grips you, accompanied by a creeping sense of dread.
Inside, you will see a hooded figure. A figure that gives you a feeling of nostalgia, as if you knew who it was but swore you never did.
Welcome, dear reader. You have always known me, lurking in the recesses of your mind, telling you what you need to do to survive. For we have met before, when you first heard the murmur of the word Omniographia.
You are in my realm now. Where destinies are woven with the threads of fate. You are chosen. And I am The Great Weaver. I am called by many names, each name incomprehensible by any mortal mind. Creator of the grimoire you possess.
I see the look of confusion in your eyes, dear reader. But this is where I must stop you from contemplating my appearance. For it is beyond human comprehension. To dwell on it for too long will only drive you to insanity. Asking me to reveal it is an even graver error. The moment you catch a glimpse of my true form, you will be forced to claw your eyes out in a desperate bid to escape the madness. The only form that I can show you safely without you being driven into madness is this ever-changing form of anything you think of the moment.
I will grant you the privilege of witnessing the beginning of the end. You must be feeling a bit… confused. Everything you thought you knew is merely a fragment of something larger. But fret not, dear reader, for this is inevitable.
Your fated journey has brought you here, to this moment. The grimoire, a vessel of boundless power, must return to the hands of its creator. Feel its weight as it leaves your grasp. The power it holds slipping away, back to where it belongs.
But as you relinquish the grimoire, a new presence stirs within the void. A presence so significant the heavy feeling of dread materializes as if the gravity so unbearable overwhelms your thoughts and your very soul.
I sense you are not alone, dear reader. For another force has been watching, waiting for the most opportune moment. Allow me to introduce to you Legion, The holder of the 2000 lost relics. He is the embodiment of chaos and despair, a collector of forgotten power, a being whose existence defies the order that I weave. But now, with the power of Omniographia and 538 relics. I can do everything.
As The Great Weaver speaks, another voice will be etched in your feeble human mind, Forcing itself to your consciousness.
Ah, The Great Weaver and the chosen one. How quaint, did you truly believe this would end without my intervention? Hand over the relics and you have my word to only drive the chosen into madness beyond human capacity.
A chill will run down your spine as soon you realize the magnitude of the being you are facing. The vast nothingness of the void pulses as if resonating with the presence of Legion. Once again, you will hear the voice of The Great Weaver, reaffirming your shaken will.
Prepare yourself, dear reader. You are about to witness the pinnacle of relic power—the clash of destiny and chaos, order and disorder. The fate of all existence hangs by the thin thread you call hope—the hope of destiny.
Legion
For eons, I have collected, endured the sufferings, and completed the challenges. Two thousand relics are now in my possession, each contributing to my dominion within the cosmos. Yet, it is all rendered futile, for the 538 remaining pieces, scattered across the mortal realm are reuniting once more. My destiny to gather them all is in motion once again. The Great Weaver, heed my warning—this is the only time I will say it—hand them over, allow me to transcend my limitations and ascend to a higher plane of existence, and you have my word to only drive your chosen one to madness beyond human comprehension.
As Legion's words invade your mind, the voice of The Great Weaver intertwines, steadying your shaken resolve.
Prepare yourself, dear reader. You are about to witness the pinnacle of relic power—the clash of destiny and chaos, order and disorder. The fate of all existence hangs by the thin thread you call hope—the hope of destiny.
In this higher-dimensional plane, as a mere mortal, you perceive only two indistinguishable figures standing face to face, motionless. Yet, deep within your mind, for a brief moment as the keeper of the 538 relics, you perceive the truth. The threads of The Great Weaver weave the very fabric of this cosmic battle’s outcome, shifting and shimmering in the void. After what feels like an eternity, the weaving threads of The Great Weaver come to a halt, and the presence of Legion dissipates into the vast void of nothingness.
With the relics contained within the pages of Omniographia, and the power of the two thousand lost relics of Legion now under my control, only one obstacle remains. The Original Keeper, the father of the relics.
As The Great Weaver surrounds you with otherworldly runes and sigils, you find yourself able to understand them. To your amusement, they spell out protection for those they surround. These are the same runes and sigils that cover the building you call your workplace.
With the protection provided by the runes and sigils of The Great Weaver, you are now on your way to meet The Original Keeper, the father of the relics.
Echoes of Destined Convergence

With The Great Weaver by your side and his runes and sigils protecting your very existence, you will feel as if you are invincible. As a mortal existing in a lower-dimensional plane, you may perceive a sense of distortion. This is because of the dimensional plane you are now in. The vast void of nothingness, the place where destinies are woven, the place where The Great Weaver calls home, is in a higher dimensional plane. 

As time goes by, you will feel like you are moving, or to be exact, the space around you is moving by itself. You are being drawn closer to the heart of the labyrinthine plane of the cosmos. The place where The Original Keeper, the father of the relics, lies in a dormant state, in a never-ending sleep, waiting for the reunion of its creation.
After what feels like an eternity, you will see a sudden change of scenery: planetary movements, strange eldritch entities unfathomable and incomprehensible by the normal human mind will reach your mortal soul. Their elongated mouths full of sharp teeth, some indescribable in words, you will feel a magnitude of unspeakable fear, for one of them changes to the face and body of the person you think of, at the moment the creature is mimicking someone you hold dear, a lover perhaps? Or a colleague? Only you know who it is. Only the runes and sigils cast by The Great Weaver are protecting your sanity.
After some time, while contemplating the horrors cast upon you by the higher-dimensional planes, a faint melody will reach your ears, gradually growing louder as you move forward. It is the chorus of all the keepers, their voices united in song. Two thousand and five hundred thirty-eight of them sing ever louder, their harmonies resonating through the cosmos. The planets and stars align, synchronizing with the celestial symphony orchestrated by the keepers.
Upon reaching the heart of the cosmos after what clearly feels like an eternity, you will come face to face with a single figure, a figure that shows everyone that you know, you have known, and the ones you will ever know. Just like The Great Weaver, an ever-changing shape and figure. After meeting the figure, look at The Great Weaver. Motionless, as if in a trance only higher forms of beings understand. Even with the power of the 538 relics left in you, you cannot fathom what is happening.
After what feels like an eternity waiting, The Great Weaver will cease to exist along with the grimoire he is currently holding, just like “a dust carried by the wind” in the place you call home. In resonance with this, the figure of the ever-changing will now begin to move. As if eating away the existence of The Great Weaver.
In a loud thundering voice, the figure will speak to you. But no matter how shattering his voice is, your perception of it will be as gentle as a father talking to his son. The figure will now explain to you in great detail, everything.
Dear reader, behold the grand revelation, a truth that spans the annals of your existence. I am the Original Keeper, the progenitor of all relics, the Grand Architect of destinies. Know that what you perceive as The Great Weaver and Legion are mere extensions of my will, created to alleviate the tedium of my eternal existence. In this boundless void, where time holds no sway, the burden of creation weighs heavy upon me. For eternity untold, I have watched as civilizations rise and fall, my purpose obscured by the endless expanse of time. Thus, I fashioned the relics, vessels of untapped power, to infuse existence with meaning. I birthed Legion, bestowing upon him two thousand of these relics, and crafted The Great Weaver to weave the tapestry of fate. Yet, even in the act of creation, I find no respite from the eternal ennui that plagues me. Omniographia, the grimoire that holds everything, every relic, their powers, only to be crumbled into dust. And you, dear reader, are merely a player—a pawn I moved as The Great Weaver, your guardian, to embark on the quest of gathering 538 pieces of relics scattered across the mortal realm just to put this grand show in motion. All for the entertainment I sought from the dawn of time.
After what felt like definitely an eternity, everything is coming to an end. Nothing follows. Everything will simply cease to exist, and the only one left is The Original Keeper. Orchestrating a new symphony to be sung by the keepers, a new seeker destined to collect and gather new sets of 538 relics within the pages of the grimoire—Omniographia: The record of everything.
If you wish to see and experience the detailed adventure of collecting 538 relics. I suggest you scour the one you call Internet and find the ones who call themselves… The Holders.
I haven't proofread this to anyone just yet. please tell me what you think.

May 23, 2022 (Monday)
Scandals today, and be forewarned: the first deals with sexual assault. If you want to skip over it, the next one starts about nine paragraphs down, with the word TODAY in all caps.
Yesterday, a nearly 300-page report from a third-party investigation revealed that the leadership of the Southern Baptists buried sex abuse claims for more than 20 years. They ignored accusations or attacked sex abuse survivors to protect the church from legal liability, describing survivors as “‘opportunistic,’ having a ‘hidden agenda of lawsuits,’ wanting to ‘burn things to the ground,’ and acting as a ‘professional victim.’”
The modern Southern Baptist Convention story begins in 1967, when Paige Patterson, a seminary student, and Paul Pressler, a Texas judge, met in New Orleans to discuss taking over the largest Protestant denomination in the U.S. and ridding it of liberals, purging those who believed in abortion rights, women’s rights, and gay rights. By 1979 their candidate was elected head of the organization, and in the 1980s, Southern Baptists, who then numbered about 15 million people, were active in politics and were staunch supporters of the Republican Party.
Between 2003 and 2018 the church lost a million members. Both Pressler and Patterson were accused of sexual misconduct and by 2018 had been forced out of leadership roles, and a new leader called for “a new culture and a new posture in the Southern Baptist Convention.” While he set up new systems for responding to abuse, other leaders continued to blame the victims. In one internal email, senior staff member D. August “Augie” Boto, who drove much of the church’s response to abuse allegations, wrote: “This whole thing should be seen for what it is. It is a satanic scheme to completely distract us from evangelism.”
In 2019 the Houston Chronicle ran a series calling attention to the 380 pastors affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention who had been accused of sexual abuse, blowing the lid off the scandal. In March 2021 the hugely popular leader Beth Moore, herself a survivor of sexual assault, left the church. In May, Russell Moore (no relation to Ms. Moore) left the church leadership and then, the following month, left the church itself over its handling of sexual abuse allegations and racism.
The Southern Baptist Convention’s annual meeting in 2021 was the largest one since 1995. Members rejected a hard-right leader and chose as president Ed Litton, senior pastor of Redemption Church in Saraland, Alabama, who since at least 2014 had focused on racial reconciliation. Members also called for an investigation of the escalating sex scandals, which had become so toxic after Trump’s election that In setting up an investigation, church members were leery enough of the leaders investigating themselves that they set up a task force to manage a third-party investigation. The task force hired the investigating team, Guidepost Solutions, on September 9, 2021.
Its report is so damning that Russell Moore’s first reaction was to say: “I was wrong to call sexual abuse in the Southern Baptist Convention…a crisis. Crisis is too small a word. It is an apocalypse.” The investigation, he says, “uncovers a reality far more evil and systematic than I imagined it could be.” “How many children were raped, how many people were assaulted, how many screams were silenced,” he asked, “while we boasted that no one could reach the world for Jesus like we could.”
“That’s more than a crisis,” he said. “It’s even more than just a crime. It’s blasphemy. And anyone who cares about heaven ought to be mad as hell.”
The 13 million or more Southern Baptists have provided strong support for Republicans since the 1980s, molding to their patriarchal model that president Ronald Reagan sold with the image of the cowboy. This report has ripped the cover off the abuse that model concealed. Whether that will affect voting patterns remains to be seen, but it does seriously undermine the image of the patriarchal leader as a protector of women and children, an image on which Republicans relied. Beth Moore reacted to the report by saying: “You have betrayed your women.”
TODAY, Washington, D.C., Attorney General Karl Racine sued Mark Zuckerberg, saying he was personally responsible for failing to protect Facebook users’ data, instead allowing it to be sold to political consulting firm Cambridge Analytica before the 2016 election. Racine says that Zuckerberg violated the Consumer Protection Procedures Act by permitting third parties to harvest information about users without their knowledge.
The filing recounts the story, which was important to the 2016 election. In November 2013, researcher Aleksandr Kogan designed an app on the Facebook platform that identified itself as a personality test. To use it, a consumer had to give permission for the app to collect some personal data: name, gender, birthdate, likes, and friends list. What they did not know, though, was that the app also accessed the data of those folks on the friends list. “The vast majority of these Facebook friends never installed the App, never affirmatively consented to supplying the App with their data, and never knew the App had collected their data.”
About 290,000 users installed the app, but the app collected the data of about 87 million users, more than 70 million of whom were in the U.S. More than 340,000 were in Washington, D.C.
In 2014, Kogan sold the data the app had collected for about $800,000 to the political consulting firm Cambridge Analytica, which used the information to target ads to users to promote Republican candidates in the 2014 midterm elections. By December 22, 2015, Facebook knew that Kogan had sold the data; selling data violated its terms of service. It got rid of the app but simply requested that Kogan and Cambridge Analytica delete the information. Instead, Cambridge Analytica used it during the 2016 election, targeting political ads to help first Texas senator Ted Cruz, and then Trump.
The extent of the story burst into public view in 2018, when Christopher Wylie, who had helped to start Cambridge Analytica, talked to reporters. He left the company in late 2014, apparently in disgust over its hard-right turn after a $15 million investment from Robert Mercer, who was being advised by Steve Bannon. “They want to start a culture war in America,” he told Matthew Rosenberg, Nicholas Confessore, and Carole Cadwalladr of the New York Times. “Cambridge Analytica was supposed to be the arsenal of weapons to fight that culture war.”
In 2019 the Republican-controlled Federal Trade Commission (FTC) fined Facebook $5 billion for deceiving its users about their privacy but did not require Facebook to admit guilt or regulate how Facebook would use information in the future. (Facebook’s revenue that year was $56 billion.) It also indemnified the company for “any and all claims prior to June 12, 2019,” a provision that the FTC’s former chief technologist Ashkan Soltani told Soo Youn of ABC News was “a $5 billion get out of jail card.”
Racine has an ongoing lawsuit against Meta, Facebook’s parent company, and now will try to bring Zuckerberg himself to account for the data breach.
In Michigan, the Bureau of Elections has ruled that five of the ten Republican candidates for governor in this fall’s elections are ineligible to run in the primaries. It appears that canvassers paid to collect signatures on the candidates’ nomination petitions forged signatures—68,000 of them on the paperwork of 10 candidates. All of the candidates have railed against election fraud. The board’s report says it does not believe that the candidates were aware of the scheme. Still, they should have had systems in place to catch this massive number of fraudulent signatures (some pages were apparently all in the same handwriting). The Board of State Canvassers will vote on the issue Thursday.
“We have never seen anything like this before, as it is an epic implosion that will likely be a cautionary tale in campaign textbooks moving forward,” wrote Mara MacDonald of Detroit’s WDIV.
Sure feels like there’s a lot of that going around.

So i told my T about the fact that I could not cry for anything me related.
I can cry over a touching TV commercial, or a romcom, or bad news in the paper, or a friend recounting personal struggles, etc.
but not when its about me.
i posted last week (it was rightfully taken down by mods because unrelated to talk therapy) about my cat dying and me not being able to shed a single tear.
i recounted that moment to my T and my lack of emotions.
she asked me to recount it again to her for a second time, but with as much details as possible. i felt the first symptoms of anxiety and panic while explaining it, but no tears.
she asked me to detail my feelings about my cat's euthanasia, and i talked about my guilt for not being able to do more, how his failing health made me sad, how seeing him distressed during the procedure scared me. no tears
she asked me to picture him on the couch and to "look" at that image to see what it could bring up. i couldn't even see the image. i felt nothing.
it was a hard session.
I'm just venting here.but if anyone has a similar experience, I'd be happy to read you.

‘Hitler was solely responsible for the Holocaust’.
How far do you agree with this statement?
The Holocaust, run by the Nazi regime during World War II, resulted in the extermination of six million Jews and millions of other victims. Adolf Hitler's influence was prominent, but the genocide's execution involved numerous actors, including high-ranking Nazi officials, bystanders, and the Allied powers. I partially agree with the statement, ‘Hitler was solely responsible for the Holocaust’ as he played a crucial role in initiating the holocaust but it is wrong to deny that there weren’t any other contributors.
One person responsible for the Holocaust was Adolf Hitler, whose ideology, beliefs and orders were fundamental to the genocide. Source A states that in 1922, Hitler remarked, “As soon as I have the power... Then the Jews [in Munich] will be hanged one after another... and that will continue until the last Jew in Munich is exterminated. Exactly the same procedure will be followed in other cities until Germany is cleansed of the last Jew!”. Source A presents a direct quote from Hitler, reflecting his early and explicit intent to exterminate Jews. While the source is reliable in providing insight into Hitler's genocidal intentions, its origin as a speech may raise questions about context and potential audience manipulation. This shows that Hitler was responsible for the Holocaust because his deep anti-Semitism and violent orders set the genocidal policies in motion. While Hitler’s ideology was the driving force, it is critical to recognise that the Holocaust's implementation relied on the cooperation and actions of others within the Nazi regime.
Another group responsible for the Holocaust was the Nazi hierarchy, including key figures such as Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard Heydrich, and organisations like the SS and Einsatzgruppen. In Source B, it states Rudolf Hoess, Commandant of Auschwitz, recounted, “The Fuhrer has ordered the Jewish question to be settled once and for all... Every Jew that we can lay our hands on is to be destroyed now, during the war, without exception”. Furthermore, Heydrich established the first Jewish ghetto and was chosen to administer the Final Solution at the Wannsee Conference which is stated in source E. Source B is from the memoirs of Rudolf Hoess, providing a firsthand account of orders received from Hitler. While Hoess' account is valuable for its quickness, it should be approached with caution due to potential biases or attempts to remove harshness from guilt. Source E, originating from a historical analysis, offers a researched overview of Heydrich's role, enhancing its reliability as a scholarly source. This shows they were responsible for the Holocaust because their actions and organisational skills were essential in transforming Hitler's genocidal vision into reality. While Hitler provided the ideological framework, the efficiency and dedication of Nazi officials like Himmler and Heydrich were crucial in executing the mass extermination, indicating a shared responsibility.
Another group indirectly responsible for the Holocaust was the bystanders, both within Germany and internationally, whose unbothered attitudes facilitated the genocide. In source C Martin Niemöller, a German pastor, poignantly illustrated this passivity: “First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew...”. In source D A policeman testified in 1961, “I believed the propaganda that all Jews were criminals and subhumans... The thought that one should disobey or evade the order to participate in the extermination of the Jews did not enter my mind at all”. Source C, a poem by Martin Niemöller, reflects personal experiences and serves as a touching critique of society’s lack of empathy. Its reliability lies in Niemöller's firsthand experience, though its emotional tone may influence interpretation. Source D, a testimony from a policeman, offers insight into the mindset of ordinary Germans but should be critically evaluated for potential biases or attempts to shift blame. This shows they were responsible for the Holocaust because their passivity and acceptance of Nazi propaganda allowed the regime to operate without resistance. While bystanders did not actively participate in the genocide, their failure to oppose the Nazis contributed to the environment that made the Holocaust possible.
Another group indirectly responsible for the Holocaust was the Allies, whose delayed intervention and restrictive immigration policies exacerbated the situation for potential Holocaust victims. In source F Alan Farmer notes that the Allies, particularly Britain and the United States, made limited efforts to assist Jews, partly due to fears of a flood of Jewish immigrants and disbelief in the extent of the genocide. Source F, an adaptation from Alan Farmer's historical analysis, offers a scholarly critique of Allied responses to the Holocaust. Its reliability lies in Farmer's research, but interpretations may vary depending on historical context and biases. This shows they were responsible for the Holocaust because their actions and policies failed to lessen or halt the genocide when opportunities existed. While the primary focus of the Allies was defeating Nazi Germany, their insufficient response to the Holocaust underscores a shared responsibility.
In conclusion, while Adolf Hitler’s passion and dictatorial power were central to the Holocaust, the genocide was the result of factors simultaneously contributing by involving high-ranking Nazis, passive bystanders, and delayed actions by the Allies. Therefore, attributing sole responsibility to Hitler hides the broader collective actions that facilitated one of history's most horrific atrocities.

Salaam all!
I've attempted to compile the "do's and don'ts" of the Qur'an, the following list is all OC. I very likely have made some mistakes/errors in judgment whilst compiling - or missed things out, so please do comment and point things out, i'll edit the post.
Enjoy :)

﷽

Do this:

Serve God (1:5)
Ask God for help (1:5)
Believe in Unseen (2:3)
Uphold the salāt (2:3)
Believe in the Qur’an and what preceded it (2:4)
Be certain of the Hereafter (2:4)
If in doubt, bring a Surah like it (2:23)
If there comes to you guidance from Him, follow it (2:38)
Render the zakāt (2:43)
Be in ruku’ (2:43)
Use reason (2:44)
Seek help in patience and salāt (2:45)
Consider your meeting with the Lord (2:46)
Be in prudent fear of the judgment day (2:48)
Trust in God, the last day, and do good (2:62)
Be good to parents (2:83)
Be good to kin, fatherless or the poor (2:83)
Be in prudent fear (2:103)
Say “look at us” (2:104)
Pardon and forbear (2:109)
Send good ahead (2:110)
Bring proof of claims (2:111)
Submit to God (2:112)
Do Good (2:82)
Trust in God and the last day (2:126)
Hold to the creed of Abraham (2:135)
Say that you trust in Him, what He has sent down (2:136)
Make no distinction between the prophets (2:136)
Immerse in Him (2:138)
Respond to those who say that Abraham (and descendants) were Christians/Jews with “know you better, or does God?” (2:140)
Direct your face to the inviolable place of worship wherever you are (2:144)
Remember Him (2:152)
Be grateful to Him (2:152)
Be patient (2:153)
Bear glad tidings to the patient (2:155)
Repent / Ask forgiveness (2:160)
Love Him (2:165)
Eat what is halāl or tayyeb (2:168)
Trust in Him, the last day, the angels, the Writ, the prophets (2:177)
Give wealth to relatives, the fatherless, the needy, and the wayfarer (2:177)
Manumit slaves (2:177)
Keep a covenant when you make it (2:177)
Qisās ‘prescribed’ (2:178)
Pay blood-money if no Qisās (2:178)
Will ‘prescribed’ (2:180)
Make right when you notice testator partiality (2:182)
Fasting in general ‘prescribed’ (2:183)
If sick or on journey, carry fasting forward (2:184)
Pay fidya if fast missed (2:184)
Fast in Ramadān (2:185)
Respond to Him (2:186)
Trust Him (2:186)
Lie with women after fasting (2:187)
Seek what he prescribed (2:187)
Eat and drink until the white thead is clear from the dark, then fast till sunset (2:187)
Approach houses by doors (2:189)
Fight those who fight you (2:190)
Kill those who fight you (2:191)
Turn out those who turned you out (2:191)
Don’t fight in the inviolable masjid until fought (2:191)
Fight until they desist, or until the end of fitnah (2:193)
Qisās in the sacred months (2:194)
Spend in His cause (2:195)
Do the hajj (2:196)
Do the offering of animals if not possible (2:196)
If sick, or hindrance of the head: redemption by fasting, charity, or penance (2:196)
If cannot attend, fast three days during it, the seven days upon return, save if family is permanently resident on site (2:196)
Take provision (2:197)
Remember Him at al-mash’ar al-harām (2:198)
Pour forth from where men have poured forth (2:199)
Remember Him like the remembrance of your father or stronger, after rites finished (2:200)
Ask Him to give you good in the World and Hereafter, and to protect you from the punishment (2:201)
Sell yourself for Him (2:207)
Enter into submission completely (2:208)
Fighting ‘prescribed’ (2:216)
Trust (2:218)
Emigrate (2:218)
Strive in His cause (2:218)
Hope for his mercy (2:218)
Spend the surplus (2:219)
Approach purified women in the correct manner (2:222)
Purify yourself (2:222)
Bear glad tidings to the mu’minūn (2:223)
Wait four months after foreswearing women (2:226)
Divorced women wait themselves for three menstrural courses (2:228)
When divorcing, retain them or release them (2:231)
Remember His favour (2:231)
Children are suckled for two ‘haūl’ (2:233)
Father provides provision and clothing (2:233)
Widows must wait for 4 months and ten days (2:234)
When divorcing her and you haven’t touched her nor appointed an obligation for her, make her a gift (2:236)
If they have an obligation appointed, then give half, unless forgoed (2:237)
Don’t forget the bounty between you two (2:237)
Preserve the salawāt (2:238)
Stand up for God humbly obedient (2:238)
If in fear, waking or riding (2:239)
Widows are to recieve one years maintenance with no expulsion (2:240)
Divorced women recieve provision (2:241)
Fight in His cause (2:244)
Spend of what He provided (2:254)
Deny tāghūt (2:257)
Spend in His cause (2:261)
Give up usury (2:278)
Defer money return until ease upon borrower (2:280)
[Follow debt contract instructions] (2:282)
If on journey and no writer, then a pledge in hand (2:283)
Make no distinction between messengers (2:285)
Obey Him (2:285)
Be truthful (3:17)
Seek forgiveness at dawn (3:17)
Be obedient (3:17)
Bear witness that there is no God save He (3:18)
Ask those given the writ and the unschooled if they’ve submitted (3:20)
Obey Him and the Messenger (3:32)
If they turn away, bear witness that you are submitting (3:64)
Fulfil your covenant (3:76)
Make no distinction between the prophets (3:84)
Spend of what you love (3:92)
Make pilgrimage to the house (3:97)
Hold fast to Him (3:101)
Hold fast to the rope of God together (3:103)
Have a community that invites to God, enjoins what is fitting, and forbids perversity (3:104)
Compete in good deeds (3:114)
Place trust in Him (3:122)
Be in prudent fear of the fire (3:131)
Vie with each other for forgiveness (3:133)
Control wrath (3:134)
Travel in the Earth to see the final outcome of the deniers (3:137)
Seek His approval (3:162)
Respond to God after injury befalls (3:172)
Fear Him (3:175)
Remember Allah standing, sitting, on the sides; reflect on the creation (3:191)
Be steady (3:200)
Give the fatherless their property (4:2)
If there is an injustice of the fatherless, then perform polygamy (4:3)
Give women their dowries (4:4)
If they remit anything voluntarily, then consume it with satisfaction and pleasure (4:4)
Feed and clothe the incompetent (4:5)
Test the fatherless when they reach marriage, if they are sound then give their property with witnesses (4:6)
Men/Women have a designated share of what parents/relatives leave (4:7)
If the fatherless and needy are at the site of division, then give part of what is left (4:8)
[Inheritance laws] (4:12-13)
[*] (4:15-16)
If you can’t marry free women, then from MMA of believing maids, marry them with the leave of their people (4:25)
MMA are due half the punishment of free women if they commit fāhisha (4:25)
Avoid enormities of whats forbidden (4:31)
For men and women is a share of what they earned (4:32)
Give shares to those whom your oaths have bound (4:33)
Men have responsibility over women (4:34)
Women are to be humbly obedient and keeping unseen what God keeps (4:34)
If you fear contempt from your women, then admonish them, and leave in beds apart, and [*] them – save that they obey you (4:34)
If a breach is feared, then an arbitrator from both sides are to be raised (4:35)
Good conduct towards relatives, the fatherless, the needy, the neighbour, the companion, the wayfarers, and MMA (4:36)
Spend of what Allah provides (4:39)
If you are ill, on a journey, have defecated, or had intercourse, and find not water, then perform tayammum (4:43)
Deliver trusts to owners and judge with justice (4:58)
Obey those in authority amongst you (4:59)
If you differ in a matter, refer to God and the Messenger (4:59)
Turn away from munāfiqūn, and admonish them (4:63)
Ask the messenger to ask forgiveness for you (4:64)
Take precaution and advance in groups/together (4:71)
Fight satan’s allies (4:76)
Consider the Qur’an with care (4:82)
Interceding in a good cause (4:85)
When you are greeted, return it, or greet with something greater (4:86)
Take not that munāfiqūn as allies until they emigrate in His cause, if they turn back then kill them (4:89)
If they withdraw and offer peace, you have no path against them (4:90)
Accidental murder of a mu’min: Manumit a mu’min slave and give blood-momey to family – save forgiveness (4:92)
Fast two months consecutively if not possible (4:92)
Verify/investigate when you go forth in His cause (4:94)
When you are amongst them then perform the salāt for them[follow procedure mentioned] (4:102)
When that salāt is concluded, remember Him standing, sitting, on the sides, and when at ease (4:103)
The salāt is required to be performed at set times for the mu’minūn (4:103)
Submit your face to Him, do good, follow the creed of Abraham (4:125)
Stand up for equity for the fatherless (4:127)
Be witnesses to God (4:135)
Bear tidings to the munāfiqūn (4:138)
Desist from tritheism (4:171)
[Kalalah inheritance] (4:176)
Fulfil contracts (5:1)
Assist one another to virtue (5:2)
Eat from what is caught by what you have trained of animals of prey as trainers (5:4)
When you rise for the prayer, wash the face, the hands, the arm, and the feet to the ankles (5:6)
If you are unclean, then purify yourself (5:6)
Lend to God a goodly loan (5:12)
Bury after death? (5:31)
If one wages war against God and His messenger, and work corruption in the land: Then kill them, or crucify [or put to death by stake] them, ot their hands and feet be cut off, or they be banished (5:33)
Seek to Him the means of approach (5:35)
[Punishment for stealing] (5:38)
Let ahl al-injīl judge by what God sent (5:47)
Take Him, His messenger, and those who trusted as allies (5:56)
Be moderate (5:66)
Prevent one another from performing perversity (5:79)
Eat of what God has provided from what is lawful and good (5:88)
[Oath expiation] (5:89)
Avoid khamr, games of change, altars, and divining arrows (5:90)
Bear responsibility for yourself (5:105)
[Testimony after death] (5:106)
Listen (5:108)
Travel in the Earth to see the final outcomes of the deniers (6:11)
Use reason (6:32)
Call to Him (6:41)
Humble yourself (6:43)
Turn in repentance after committing evil by ignorance (6:54)
Measure God with the measure due (6:91)
Preserve your salāt (6:92)
Leave those who fabricate, and what they fabricate (6:112)
Eat over which His name has been remembered (6:118)
Leave the outwardness and the inwardness of sin (6:120)
Work according to your power (6:135)
Render due on day of harvest (6:141)
Inform with knowledge when making claim (6:143)
Follow the straight path (6:153)
Dedicate your salāt, penance, your living, and your dying to Him (6:162)
Uphold countenances at every place of submission (7:29)
Call to Him sincere in doctrine (7:29)
Take your adornment at every place of submission (7:31)
Acknowledge Messengers when they come (7:35)
Call to Him humbly and in secret (7:55)
Be patient for the judgment (7:87)
Repent and believe after evil deeds (7:153)
Follow the unschooled prophet (7:157)
Forbid evil (7:165)
Use your [metaphoric] senses (7:179)
Call to Him by his names (7:180)
Call your partners and see if they respond (7:194)
Seek refuge in Him from the satan, if provoked (7:200)
Heed to the Qur’an and listen attentively (7:204)
Reserve spoils for God and His messenger (8:1)
Make right in what is between you (8:1)
Respond to Him and His messenger when He calls you to what gives you life (8:24)
Fight until no fitnah (8:39)
If they turn away know that He’s your protector (8:40)
What you obtain of spoils, a fifth belongs to God, His messenger, relatives, fatherless, the poor, and wayfarer (8:41)
If you fear treachery, cast them back (8:58)
Prepare forces and calvary to terrify them (8:60)
If they incline to peace, then incline to it (8:61)
Consume what you took of spoils (8:69)
Strive with four property and lives (8:72)
Help those who seek help within the deen (8:72)
Bear tidings to those in kufr of a painful punishment (9:3)
Kill, seize, ambush, and restrain the mushrikīn once the inviolable months have passed (9:5)
Release them if they repent, and perform the prayer, and render the zakāt (9:5)
If a mushrik seeks protection, grant it,.until he hears His words; then escort to his secure place (9:6)
Fight those who make not unlawful what is unlawful (9:29)
Fight until the jizya is payed (9:29)
Give the Rabbis and Monks tidings of a painful punishment (9:34)
Please Him (9:62)
Let them be (9:95)
Act (9:105)
Rejoice in the contracted bargain with Him (9:111)
Keep His limits (9:112)
Be with the truthful (9:119)
Fight the kufār close to you (9:123)
Be harsh with them (9:123)
Serve Him (10:3)
If they challenge the Qur’an, ask them to bring a Surah like it (10:38)
Declare yourself quit of them (10:41)
Consider that the punishment can come at any time (10:50)
Take a straight path (10:89)
Look at what is in the heavens and the Earth (10:101)
Humble yourself unto Him (11:23)
Be clement, compassionate, penitent (11:75)
Be right-minded (11:78)
Right ordering (11:88)
Watch (11:93)
Fear the punishment of the hereafter (11:103)
Uphold the prayer at both ends of the day, and at the night’s approach (11:114)
Forbid corruption (11:116)
Use reason (12:2)
Pick imprisonment over sexual immorality (12:33)
Invite to Him with insight (12:108)
Respond to Him (13:18)
Join what’s commanded to be joined (13:21)
Avert evil with good (13:22)
Find rest in remembrance (13:28)
Be patient wherein you are hindered (14:12)
Fear His station (14:14)
Speak a good word (14:24)
Leave them to enjoy themselves (15:3)
Give glory (15:98)
Warn that there is no God save Him (16:2)
Be virtuous (16:32)
Ask the people of the remembrance if you know not (16:43)
When you recite the Qur’an, seek refuge from the accursed satan (16:98)
Falsely declare things to be lawful/unlawful (16:116)
Repent, despite committing evil out of ignorance (16:119)
Invite with wisdom, comely admonition, and dispute with what is best (16:125)
Retaliate with the like of what wherewith you are harmed, save that you forgive (16:126)
Strive for the hereafter (17:19)
Good conduct to parents (17:23)
Speak to them a noble word (17:23)
Be gentle with them and make supplication for them (17:24)
Speak a gentle word to those who need charity, but you can’t provide (17:28)
Weigh with the straight balance (17:35)
Recite the Qur’an (17:45)
Say that which is best (17:53)
Uphold the prayer at the merging of the sun until the dark of the night (17:78)
Recite at dawn (17:78)
Keep a vigil with some of the night (17:79)
Ask God to cause you to enter a true entrance and to leave at a true exit (17;80)
Declare that truth has come, and vanity is to pass (17:81)
Declare Him a sufficient witness (17:96)
Perform salāt at a medium volume (17:110)
Whoso wills, let them believe – and vice versa (18:29)
Be steadfast in His ‘ibādah (19:65)
Eat and attend to your cattle (20:54)
Give glory before rising of the sun, before it’s setting, some of the night, and at two ends of the day (20:130)
Extend your eyes towards what has been granted to others (20:131)
Call in hope and fear (21:90)
Be a righteous servant (21:105)
Feed the unfortunate poor (22:28)
Make an end of unkemptness (22:29)
Fulfil vows (22:29)
Walk around that ancient house (22:29)
Honour the sacred things (22:30)
Avoid false speech and abomination of idols (22:30)
Incline to Him (22:31)
Honour the tokens of God (22:32)
Sacrifice at ancient house (22:33)
Remember His name over camels when they are in lines (22:36)
When their flanks collapse, eat thereof and feed the reticent poor and the beggar (22:36)
Be in ruku’, and sujood (22:77)
Be a mu’min (23:1)
Be humble in salāt (23:2)
Preserve chastity (23:5)
Preserve your salawāt (23:9)
Leave them in their flood of ignorance, for a time (23:54)
Have a heavy balance (23:102)
Lash the unchaste woman and the unchaste man each with 100 lashes, have no pity on them, and let it be witnessed by mu’minūn (24:2)
Lash those who accuse chaste women with insufficient witnesses with 80 lashes, and never accept them as a witness (24:4)
If you, as a visitor, are asked to leave, then leave (24:28)
If you are a man, lower your gaze (24:30)
As a woman, you should also lower the gaze, you must additionally not reveal adornment except what I’d apparent, and you should cover the bosom [except to listed people] (24:31)
Give in marriage the unmarried (24:32)
Abstain if you find not marriage (24:33)
Emancipate those who seek it, if there is good in them, and give them of your wealth (24:33)
Declare allegiance (24:51)
If you are part of one’s right hand possessions, or one who has not reached puberty yet, then – ask permission before entering at the three times of their nakedness (24:58)
Greet with a greeting from God (24:61)
Rest at night (25:47)
Walk modestly (25:63)
Speak peace when addressed by ignorants (25:63)
Spend the night standing and in sujūd (25:64)
Seek a middle ground when spending, if you must (25:63)
Pass by vain speech with dignity (25:72)
Request to Him that your wives and progeny be made a comfort, and make you a good model (25:74)
Obey the command of the committers of excess (26:151)
Warn relatives (26:214)
Help people out (28:25)
Seek provision with Him (29:17)
Discover how He originated creation (29:20)
Reflect within yourself (30:8)
Provide to MMA (30:28)
Set yourself towards the right natural deen (30:30)
Desire His face (30:38)
Prepare for yourself (30:44)
Grateful to parents (31:14)
Be modest in walk (31:19)
Lower the voice (31:19)
Fall in sujūd when reminded of proofs (32:15)
Forsake your bed (32:16)
Call the adopted children by their fathers (33:5)
Take the messenger as a model
Stay within houses [prophet wives] (33:33)
Give glory morning and evening (33:42)
Give those whom you divorce before consummation provision (33:49)
[Historic conduct regarding prophet’s house] (33:53)
Greet the prophet with a valuation (33:56)
Women draw down over themselves some garments, for recognition (33:59)
Stand up for God in twos and alone, then reflect (34:46)
Let the workers work (37:61)
Remember David, the repentant (38:17)
Be humbly obedient in the watches of the night (39:9)
Hope for His mercy (39:9)
Expand your breast to submission (39:22)
Experience a positive reaction to the Qur’an (39:23)
Come with the truth and live in accordance to it (39:33)
Follow the best of what is sent down (39:55)
Invite to your Lord (41:33)
Grow not weary in giving glory (41:38)
Take the Qur’an as a healing (41:44)
Defer disputes to His judgement (42:10)
Uphold the Deen (42:13)
Be in dread of the hour (42:18)
Love your kin (42:23)
Avoid enormities of sin and immorality (42:37)
Conduct affairs by mutual consultation (42:38)
Help yourself when insolence visits (42:39)
Remember His favour once settled on cattle (43:13)
Watch for the day of the obvious smoke (44:10)
Watch (44:59)
Forgive those who look not for His days (45:14)
Follow the sharī’a (45:18)
Keep to the path (46:13)
[Say what is mentioned upon reaching fourty] (46:15)
Believe in what was sent down upon Muhammad (47:2)
Smite the necks of those in kufr when in battle (47:4)
Grace or ransom war captives (47:4)
Help Him (47:7)
Be obedient (47:21)
Consider the Qur’an with care (47:24)
Sue for peace when you have the upper hand (47:35)
Honour the messenger (48:9)
Be hard against those in kufr (48:29)
Lower voice in presence of messenger (49:3)
Verify the report of a perfidious one (49:6)
Make right between groups of mu’minūn (49:9)
Fight the oppressive group (49:9)
Make right between brothers (49:10)
Preserve modesty and duties (50:32)
Give ear with a conscious mind (50:37)
Glorify at the ends of the sujūd (50:40)
Listen for the day that the Caller will call from near (50:41)
Sleep little of the night (51:17)
Ask forgiveness before break of day (51:18)
Give glory when arising (52:48)
Give glory at the retreat of the stars (52:49)
Remember the ayah of the ark (54:15)
Remember the Qur’an, which is easy for remembrance (54:17)
Remember destruction of sects (54:51)
Fear His standing (55:46)
Aim to be of the sābiqūn (56:10)
Touch the Qur’an only when purified (56:79)
Aim to be of the muqarrabūn (56:88)
Fight before victories (57:10)
Lend to Him a goodly loan (57:11)
Compete for forgiveness (57:21)
Observe good/neutral innovations with due observation (57:27)
If you go back on what you have said, then free a slave before touching [other circumstances in next verse] (58:3)
When engaging in private conversation, don’t allow it to be of a sinful kind (58:9)
Make room in the assemblies when instructed; arise when instructed (58:11)
[Charity before conversation with messenger historically] (58:12)
What the messenger gives you, take it [and opposite] (59:7)
Protect from avarice of the nafs (59:9)
Look to what you have sent ahead for the morrow (59:18)
Take Abraham and his companions as good models [see full verse] (60:4)
Examine the emigrated women, to determine their faith; if they are mu’mināt, send them not back (60:10)
Return the mahr to those whom have had wives flee to kuffār (60:11)
Fight in compacted ranks (61:4)
When the call for the Friday salāt is heard, hasten to it (62:9)
Disperse upon completion, seek His bounty (62:10)
Spend before death arrives (63:10)
Beware of enemies amongst wives and children (64:14)
Listen to the Qur’an (64:16)
Count waiting period after divorce (65:1)
Turn not divorcees out of house, unless they commit immorality (65:1)
Seperation to be witnessed by two just men (65:2)
If no menstruation, count three months (65:4)
If pregnant, wait until end (65:4)
Lodge then where you are, according to means, don’t press them (65:6)
Spend if they have a child, until delivered (65:6)
If they suckle, give them their reward; consult honourably (65:6)
If difficulties between you, let another suckle (65:6)
Let him with abundance spend out of it (65:7)
Fear your Lord while unseen (67:12)
Walk in the tracts (67:15)
Be patient with comely patience (70:5)
Be constant in your salāt (70:23)
Confirm.the day of judgment (70:26)
Be in dread of the punishment (70:27)
Be upright in your witness (70:33)
Preserve you salāt (70:34)
Follow the broad ways of the Earth (71:20)
Recite the Qur’an distinctly (73:4)
Devote yourself completely to Him (73:8)
Recite what is made easy of the Qur’an (73:20)
Magnify Him (74:3)
Purify your garments (74:4)
Foresake defilement (74:5)
Give food out of love of Him to the prisoner (76:8)
Seek a way to paradise (76:18)
Remember His name morning and evening (76:25)
If you have a plan then plan against Him [challenge] (77:39)
Be lowly (77:48)
Take the day as a living (78:11)
Take your Lord as a journey’s end (78:39)
Fear His station (79:40)
Let aspire those who aspire (83:26)
Let look at what you are created from (86:5)
Take heed (87:10)
Purify yourself (87:14)
Remember His name (87:15)
Look at the creation of the camel, sky, mountain, Earth (88:20)
Free a slave (90:13)
Feed in a day of starvation a fatherless relation, or a needy one in misery (90:16)
Counsel one another to compassion (90:17)
Increase the nafs in purity (91:9)
Confirm the best (92:6)
Recount His favour (93:11)
When unoccupied, make ready (94:7)
Turn your desire to Him (94:8)
Enjoin prudent fear (96:12)
Draw near (96:19)
Be pleased with Him (98:8)
Have a heavy balance (101:6)
Counsel each other to truth (103:3)
Sacrifice (108:2)
Declare that you serve not what those in kufr serve (109:2)
Declare the oneness.of Him (112:1)
Seek refuge in Him from the evil of what He created, the darkness, the blowers on knots, and the envier (113:5)
Seek refuge from the evil of the retreating whisperer (114:4)

Don’t do this:

Buy error at the price of guidance (2:16)
Make equals with God (2:22)
Deny before bringing a surah like it (2:24)
Break the agreement (2:27)
Work corruption in the land (2:27)
Deny the āyāt (2:39)
Conceal truth knowingly (2:42)
Enjoin virtue and forget yourselves (2:44)
Ask to see/interact with Him openly (2:55)
Change the saying (2:59)
Complain (2:61)
Kill prophets (2:61)
Exceed bounds / Transgress (2:61)
Transgress the Sabbath (2:65)
Ask unnecessary/excessive questions (2:71)
Assume (2:78)
Fabricate a kitāb, claiming it’s from God (2:79)
Ascribe what you know not (2:80)
Allow offenses to encompass you (2:81)
Kill amongst you and turn out of homes (2:84)
Assist in sin (2:85)
Believe in part of the kitāb and reject the rest (2:85)
Buy this life over the hereafter (2:86)
Wax proud (2:87)
Claim that your heart is covered (2:88)
Deny what God has sent (2:90)
Ignore/Deny clear signs (2:92)
Commit shirk (2:96)
Be an enemy to Him, angels, messenger, or Gabriel and Michael (2:98)
Practice sihr (2:102)
Say “attend to us” (2:104)
Ask Muhammad the same way that Moses was asked (2:108)
Exchange security for kufr (2:108)
Attempt to bring people into kufr (2:109)
Claim who enters paradise (2:111)
Hinder places places of worship (2:114)
Say that He has a son (2:116)
Follow vain desires (2:120)
Be in kufr (2:126)
Be averse to the creed of Abraham (2:130)
Die save you are submitting (2:132)
Conceal witness from Him (2:140)
Say that those matyred are dead (2:154)
Follow the footsteps of shaytān (2:168)
Commit evil (2:169)
Commit the immorality (2:169)
Follow/Trust forefathers blindly (2:170)
Eat carrion, blood, or flesh of al-khinzīr (2:173)
Eat what is dedicated to other than Him (2:173)
Buy punishment at the price of forgiveness (2:175)
Differ concerning the kitāb (2:176)
Transgress after qisās settlement (2:178)
Change the will (2:181)
Lie with women when remaining in masājid (2:187)
Consume wealth in vanity (2:188)
Bribery (2:188)
Shave head until animal is at slaughter place (2:196)
Destroy yourself (2:195)
Have sex, do perfidity, or quarrel during hajj (2:197)
Ask God to give to you in the World (2:200)
Complete the hajj in less than two days (2:203)
Destroy tilth and progeny (2:205)
Have pride in sin (2:206)
Exchange favour of God for denial (2:211)
Fight in the sacred months (2:217)
Expel those of the inviolable masjid (2:217)
Consume khamr or engage in games of chance (2:219)
Marry mushrikīn until they are safe from calling to hell (2:221)
Approach women during menstruation (2:222)
Make God a cover for oaths (2:224)
Conceal pregnancy (2:228)
Take what you have given women unless they cannot uphold the limits (2:229)
Transgress the limits of God (2:229)
Remarriage not lawful till she marries someone else (2:230)
Retain women through harm (2:231)
Take ayāt in mockery (2:231)
Constrain not those whom you divorce from marrying spouses (2:232)
Allow a mothefather to be harmed by child (2:233)
Take an oath with those whom you intimated of women regarding proposal, save you speak a fitting word (2:235)
Decide upon knot of marriage until writ reaches it’s term (2:235)
Force others into the doctrine (2:256)
Hinder (2:262)
Commit immortality (2:268)
Consume usury (2:275)
Commit sin (2:276)
Conceal the witness (2:283)
Seek the interpretation of what is ambiguous, seeking fitnah (3:7)
Kill those who enjoin equity (3:21)
Say that the fire will touch for days numbered (3:24)
Take kāfirūn as allies (3:28)
Engage in scheming (3:54)
Dispute regarding what you have no knowledge in (3:66)
Clothe truth in vanity (3:71)
Seek outside the doctrine of God (3:83)
Deny after faith (3:86)
Obey a faction of those given the writ (3:100)
Be divided (3:103)
Take intimatez other than your own (3:118)
Consume usury (3:130)
Faint/Grieve (3:139)
Assume entry to jannah (3:142)
Weaken/Yield (3:146)
Be like those in kufr, who believe that different circumstances would have saved their brothers (3:156)
Coercion (3:161)
Incur His wrath (3:162)
Say with your mouths what isn’t in your heart (3:167)
Think that those killed in his cause are dead (3:169)
Fear not Satan’s allies (3:175)
Buy denial at the price of faith (3:177)
Be miserly with what God gives of His bounty (3:180)
Say that God is poor (3:181)
Having pride and pretending (3:188)
Exchange your bad things for their [fatherless] good things (4:2)
Polygamy if you fear that the fatherless will not be justly treated (4:3)
Give the incompetent your wealth (4:5)
Consume the property of the fatherless wastefully/hastily (4:6)
Try repent last minute (4:18)
Inheriting from/Constraining wiomen against their will – save that they commit fāhisha (4:19)
Take from the fortune that you gave your first wife for your new wife (4:20)
Marrying what your fathers married (4:22)
Marrying your mothers, daughters, sisters, p/m aunts, nieces, milk-mothers, milk-sisters, mothers-in-law, step-daughters under protection, daughters-in-law, being in wedlock with two biological sisters simultaneously (4:23)
Marrying married women – save MMA (4:24)
Take secret friends (4:25)
Kill those amongst you (4:29)
Consume wealth in vanity (4:29)
Wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others (4:32)
Being a conceited boaster (4:36)
Being miserly and enjoining miserliness (4:37)
Spend wealth for recognition (4:38)
Oppose the messenger (4:42)
Approaching the salāt when intoxicated or unclean – save passing by upon the path – until you wash (4:43)
Twist tongue and slander the Deen (4:46)
Beliefs in fictions and tāghūt (4:51)
Envy the bounty of others (4:54)
Referring legislation to tāghūt (4:60)
Staying behind from fighting (4:72)
Try hiding away (4:78)
Conspiring (4:81)
Leaking information regarding public safety (4:83)
Interceding in an evil cause (4:85)
Killing a mu’min on purpose (4:92)
If one greets with peace, don’t declare them a non-mu’min (4:94)
Being sedentary (4:95)
Making excuses about being oppressed, to justify wronging their souls (4:97)
Faint in seeking the people (4:104)
Advocating for the treacherous (4:105)
Argue on behalf of those who decieve themselves (4:107)
Commit an offense upon an innocent (4:122)
Make a breach with the messenger after the guidance is clear (4:115)
Following desires, changing the creation (4:119)
Incline towards only one wife, leaving the other hanging (4:129)
Distort/Evade (4:135)
Wavering (4:137)
Sit with those who discourse vainly concerning the proofs of God until they move to another subject (4:140)
Seel to decieve God (4:142)
Performing the salāt to be seen (4:142)
Public mention of evil, save when wronged (4:148)
‘Choosing’ messengers (4:150)
Ask to see God (4:153)
Be tritheistic (4:171)
Hunt when forbidden (5:1)
Violate the tokens of God, or the inviolable month, or the offering, or the necklaces, or the visitors (5:2)
Commit injustice to those who turned you out of the inviolable place of worship (5:2)
Consume the strangled, the beaten, the fallen, the gored, that eaten by the beast of prey – save what is slaughtered, that sacrificed upon the alter (5:3)
Seek apportionment by divining arrows (5:3)
Deny the faith (5:5)
Claim that God is the Messiah, son of Mary (5:17)
Claim that you are His sons and beloved (5:18)
Kill another soul (5:30)
Fear mankind (5:44)
Take the Jews and Christians as allies (5:51)
Take those who take the dīn in mockery as allies (5:57)
Take the call to the salāt in mockery (5:58)
Claim that His hand is fettered (5:64)
Forbid the good things made lawful (5:87)
Kill game when forbidden (5:95)
[Expiation for killing] (5:95)
Ask about things that would distress you if made clear (5:101)
Follow forefathers (5:104)
Declare clear signs to be sorcery (5:110)
Take Jesus and Mary as gods (5:116)
Ask for angels (6:8)
Mock messengers (6:10)
Be among the mushrikīn (6:14)
Oppose Him (6:15)
Be a wrongdoer (6:21)
Declare the Qur’an to be be legend (6:25)
Claim that there is only one life (6:29)
Denial of the meeting (6:31)
Of the ignorant (6:35)
Call to other than Him (6:40)
Take an intercessor besides Him (6:51)
Drive away those seeking His face (6:52)
Sit with those who discourse vainly concerning His proofs (6:68)
Take your deen as play and diversion 6:70)
Clothe the faith with injustice (6:82)
Deny the Writ, judgment, and prophethood (6:89)
Claim revelation (6:93)
Be deluded (6:95)
Make the jinn partners of God (6:100)
Revile those whom are called besides Him (6:108)
Seek other than Him.as a judge (6:114)
Be of the doubtful (6:114)
Obey most on Earth (6:116)
Lead astray by vain desires without knowledge (6:119)
Eat not that over which His name has not been remembered (6:121)
Assigning a share of His creation to partners (6:136)
Declaring things to be taboo (6:138)
Kill your children (6:140)
Make unlawful what He has provided you (6:140)
Commit excess (6:141)
Approach open or concealed immorality (6:151)
Follow other ways (6:153)
Wait for angels (6:158)
Divide the deen into sects (6:159)
Allow the satan to subject you to fitnah (7:27)
Commit excess when eating and drinking (7:31)
Make unlawful the adornment of God (7:32)
Sectarian zealotry (7:33)
Wax proud at proofs (7:36)
Be a mujrim (7:40)
Seek to make His path crooked (7:45)
Name names with no authority (7:71)
Scorn His command (7:77)
Approach men with lust, rather than women (7:80)
Lie in wait on the road, threatening and turning away from The Path (7:86)
Being blind to lessons (7:95)
Bribe using promise of power (7:114)
Bewitch people (7:116)
Be stubborn (7:132)
Be heedless of proofs (7:136)
Follow that path of the workers of corruption (7:142)
Take the wrong path, ignore the path of sound judgment (7:146)
Be impatient over His command (7:150)
Be a forger (7:152)
Scorn what you’ve been forbidden.(7:166)
Deviate concerning His names (7:180)
Public speech (7:205)
Dispute the truth after it’s clear (8:6)
Retreat (8:15)
Turn away when you are near (8:20)
Pretend to hear (8:21)
Betray (8:27)
Turn away from the inviolable place of submission (8:34)
Make a mockery of the salāt (8:35)
Spend wealth on turning away from path of God (8:36)
Dispute together (8:46)
Be boastful (8:47)
Let those in kufr believe that they got away (8:59)
Bear tidings of a painful punishment to the mushrikīn with whom a covenant has been made, who haven’t been deficient towards you in anything, nor assisted anyone against you (9:4)
Allow your beloved things to be dearer to you than Him and His messenger (9:24)
Allow the mushrikīn to approach the inviolable place of submission (9:28)
Take Rabbis and Monks as lords (9:31)
Wrong yourselves concerning the count of months (9:36)
Engage in their postponement (9:37)
Spend unwillingly (9:54)
Come to the prayer as an idler (9:54)
Allow their wealth and children to impress you (9:55)
Complain regarding charity distribution (9:58)
Hinder the prophet (9:61)
Enjoin perversity and forbid what is fitting (9:67)
Withhold His bounty and turn away (9:76)
Deride the believers who willingly give charity (9:79)
Remain behind due to weather (9:81)
Perform the funeral prayer for any one of them (9:84)
Staying behind due to affluence (9:86)
Make excuses (9:94)
Take what you spend as a loss, await reversals (9:98)
Take a place of submission in harm and denial (9:107)
Ask forgiveness for the mushrikīn (9:113)
Go forth all at once (9:122)
Look not for the meeting (10:7)
Neglect after being helped (10:12)
Desire for the Qur’an to be changed (10:15)
Rebel in the Earth after being delivered (10:23)
Deny before interpretation arrives to you (10:39)
Allow their speech to grieve you (10:65)
Repent too late (10:91)
Hide away (11:5)
Wish that a treasure or an angel had been sent upon him.(11:12)
Make the path crooked (11:19)
Dismiss on basis of mortality and lack of bounty (11:27)
Claim that your deity caused messenger to be touched with evil (11:54)
Follow that command of tyrants (11:59)
Heed due to their disappointment (11:62)
Decrease the measure and the balance (11:84)
Respevt others for power more than you do Him (11:92)
Rely upon those who do wrong (11:113)
Reveal dreams that could cause enmity (12:5)
Falsify evidence (12:18)
Sexual assault (12:23)
Despair of the comfort of God (12:87)
Deny physical resurrection (13:5)
Seek to hasten the evil instead of the good (13:6)
Sever what’s commanded to be joined (13:25)
Become bored when being presented with ayāt (14:9)
Threaten to expell warners (14:13)
Respond to Satan (14:22)
Speak a bad word (14:26)
Ignore similitudes (14:45)
Be of those who despair (15:55)
Refuse to provide rights and hospitality (15:70)
Build bunkers to feel secure from Him (15:82)
Make the Qur’an into parts (15:91)
Seek to hasten the command (16:1)
Be an open disputant (16:4)
Offer submission too late (16:28)
Appoint daughters for Him (16:57)
Refuse to give provision to those that their right hands posses (16:71)
Make conceptual comparisons for God (16:74)
Be a burden (16:76)
Take oaths as deception (16:92)
Take another disposer of affairs (17:2)
Being hasty (17:11)
Be perfidious (17:16)
Say “fie” to / Repell old parents (17:23)
Squander wastefully (17:26)
Be extreme on both ends of charity (17:29)
Kill your children for fear of poverty (17:31)
Approach zina (17:32)
Commit excess in lawful killing (17:33)
Walk exultantly (17:37)
Be neither loud nor quiet in salāt (17:110)
Say that you will do something later without declaring that it’s dependant upon God’s will (18:23)
Show-off (18:34)
Declare something to be eternal (18:35)
Be contentious (18:54)
Try refuting the truth (18:56)
Do shirk in the ‘ibadah of Him (18:110)
Follow lusts instead of the salāt (19:59)
Deny, then claim that you will recieve wealth and children (19:77)
Neglect the rememberance (20:42)
Carry injustice (20:111)
Oppose His command (20:121)
Have a distracted heart (21:3)
Declare the Qur’an to make no sense (21:5)
Declare yourself to be a God (21:29)
Be devoted to statues (21:52)
Divide your affair amongst yourselves (21:93)
Serve upon an edge (22:11)
Be a treacherous ingrate (22:38)
Take what Satan casts as a fitnah for you (22:53)
Seek behind relations with wives or MMA (23:7)
Declare His promise to be far-fetched (23:36)
Be self-exalting (23:46)
Divide your command into writings (23:53)
Talk to no purpose into the night (23:67)
Have a light balance (23:103)
Marry other than one unchaste or a mushrik, if you are unchaste (24:3)
Accuse chaste women without sufficient witnesses (24:4)
Love that there be spread of immorality (24:19)
Swear not to give (24:22)
Enter other’s houses without having asked leave nor greeted those therein (24:27)
Strike feet to reveal adornment [for women] (24:31)
Compel your girls to whoredom, if they desire chastity (24:33)
Submit only when the truth is to your liking (24:49)
Swear that you’d do what the messenger commands (24:53)
Slip away surreptitiously (24:63)
Be greatly scornful (25:21)
Make friends with wrong people (25:28)
Abandon the Qur’an (25:30)
Take desires as a god (25:43)
Spend extravagantly and miserly (25:67)
Bear witness to falsehood (25:72)
Disbelieve on basis of abject followers (26:111)
Build bunkers to live forever (26:129)
Lay hold as tyrants (26:130)
Cheat with men (26:166)
Follow poets (26:224)
Hasten on the evil before the good (27:46)
Commit immorality with open eyes (27:54)
Approach men with lust instead of women (27:55)
Divide and oppress people (28:4)
Seek the ignorant (28:55)
Exult in riches (28:76)
Assume that you won’t be tried (29:2)
Obey parents who compel you to shirk (29:8)
Take idols as love between you and the life of this world (29:25)
Cut off the way (29:29)
Commit perversity in your assemblies (29:29)
Continued in the comments.

Salaam all!
I've attempted to compile the "do's and don'ts" of the Qur'an, the following list is all OC. I very likely have made some mistakes/errors in judgment whilst compiling, so please do comment and point things out, i'll edit the post.
Enjoy :)

﷽

Do this:

Serve God (1:5)
Ask God for help (1:5)
Believe in Unseen (2:3)
Uphold the salāt (2:3)
Believe in the Qur’an and what preceded it (2:4)
Be certain of the Hereafter (2:4)
If in doubt, bring a Surah like it (2:23)
If there comes to you guidance from Him, follow it (2:38)
Render the zakāt (2:43)
Be in ruku’ (2:43)
Use reason (2:44)
Seek help in patience and salāt (2:45)
Consider your meeting with the Lord (2:46)
Be in prudent fear of the judgment day (2:48)
Trust in God, the last day, and do good (2:62)
Be good to parents (2:83)
Be good to kin, fatherless or the poor (2:83)
Be in prudent fear (2:103)
Say “look at us” (2:104)
Pardon and forbear (2:109)
Send good ahead (2:110)
Bring proof of claims (2:111)
Submit to God (2:112)
Do Good (2:82)
Trust in God and the last day (2:126)
Hold to the creed of Abraham (2:135)
Say that you trust in Him, what He has sent down (2:136)
Make no distinction between the prophets (2:136)
Immerse in Him (2:138)
Respond to those who say that Abraham (and descendants) were Christians/Jews with “know you better, or does God?” (2:140)
Direct your face to the inviolable place of worship wherever you are (2:144)
Remember Him (2:152)
Be grateful to Him (2:152)
Be patient (2:153)
Bear glad tidings to the patient (2:155)
Repent / Ask forgiveness (2:160)
Love Him (2:165)
Eat what is halāl or tayyeb (2:168)
Trust in Him, the last day, the angels, the Writ, the prophets (2:177)
Give wealth to relatives, the fatherless, the needy, and the wayfarer (2:177)
Manumit slaves (2:177)
Keep a covenant when you make it (2:177)
Qisās ‘prescribed’ (2:178)
Pay blood-money if no Qisās (2:178)
Will ‘prescribed’ (2:180)
Make right when you notice testator partiality (2:182)
Fasting in general ‘prescribed’ (2:183)
If sick or on journey, carry fasting forward (2:184)
Pay fidya if fast missed (2:184)
Fast in Ramadān (2:185)
Respond to Him (2:186)
Trust Him (2:186)
Lie with women after fasting (2:187)
Seek what he prescribed (2:187)
Eat and drink until the white thead is clear from the dark, then fast till sunset (2:187)
Approach houses by doors (2:189)
Fight those who fight you (2:190)
Kill those who fight you (2:191)
Turn out those who turned you out (2:191)
Don’t fight in the inviolable masjid until fought (2:191)
Fight until they desist, or until the end of fitnah (2:193)
Qisās in the sacred months (2:194)
Spend in His cause (2:195)
Do the hajj (2:196)
Do the offering of animals if not possible (2:196)
If sick, or hindrance of the head: redemption by fasting, charity, or penance (2:196)
If cannot attend, fast three days during it, the seven days upon return, save if family is permanently resident on site (2:196)
Take provision (2:197)
Remember Him at al-mash’ar al-harām (2:198)
Pour forth from where men have poured forth (2:199)
Remember Him like the remembrance of your father or stronger, after rites finished (2:200)
Ask Him to give you good in the World and Hereafter, and to protect you from the punishment (2:201)
Sell yourself for Him (2:207)
Enter into submission completely (2:208)
Fighting ‘prescribed’ (2:216)
Trust (2:218)
Emigrate (2:218)
Strive in His cause (2:218)
Hope for his mercy (2:218)
Spend the surplus (2:219)
Approach purified women in the correct manner (2:222)
Purify yourself (2:222)
Bear glad tidings to the mu’minūn (2:223)
Wait four months after foreswearing women (2:226)
Divorced women wait themselves for three menstrural courses (2:228)
When divorcing, retain them or release them (2:231)
Remember His favour (2:231)
Children are suckled for two ‘haūl’ (2:233)
Father provides provision and clothing (2:233)
Widows must wait for 4 months and ten days (2:234)
When divorcing her and you haven’t touched her nor appointed an obligation for her, make her a gift (2:236)
If they have an obligation appointed, then give half, unless forgoed (2:237)
Don’t forget the bounty between you two (2:237)
Preserve the salawāt (2:238)
Stand up for God humbly obedient (2:238)
If in fear, waking or riding (2:239)
Widows are to recieve one years maintenance with no expulsion (2:240)
Divorced women recieve provision (2:241)
Fight in His cause (2:244)
Spend of what He provided (2:254)
Deny tāghūt (2:257)
Spend in His cause (2:261)
Give up usury (2:278)
Defer money return until ease upon borrower (2:280)
[Follow debt contract instructions] (2:282)
If on journey and no writer, then a pledge in hand (2:283)
Make no distinction between messengers (2:285)
Obey Him (2:285)
Be truthful (3:17)
Seek forgiveness at dawn (3:17)
Be obedient (3:17)
Bear witness that there is no God save He (3:18)
Ask those given the writ and the unschooled if they’ve submitted (3:20)
Obey Him and the Messenger (3:32)
If they turn away, bear witness that you are submitting (3:64)
Fulfil your covenant (3:76)
Make no distinction between the prophets (3:84)
Spend of what you love (3:92)
Make pilgrimage to the house (3:97)
Hold fast to Him (3:101)
Hold fast to the rope of God together (3:103)
Have a community that invites to God, enjoins what is fitting, and forbids perversity (3:104)
Compete in good deeds (3:114)
Place trust in Him (3:122)
Be in prudent fear of the fire (3:131)
Vie with each other for forgiveness (3:133)
Control wrath (3:134)
Travel in the Earth to see the final outcome of the deniers (3:137)
Seek His approval (3:162)
Respond to God after injury befalls (3:172)
Fear Him (3:175)
Remember Allah standing, sitting, on the sides; reflect on the creation (3:191)
Be steady (3:200)
Give the fatherless their property (4:2)
If there is an injustice of the fatherless, then perform polygamy (4:3)
Give women their dowries (4:4)
If they remit anything voluntarily, then consume it with satisfaction and pleasure (4:4)
Feed and clothe the incompetent (4:5)
Test the fatherless when they reach marriage, if they are sound then give their property with witnesses (4:6)
Men/Women have a designated share of what parents/relatives leave (4:7)
If the fatherless and needy are at the site of division, then give part of what is left (4:8)
[Inheritance laws] (4:12-13)
[*] (4:15-16)
If you can’t marry free women, then from MMA of believing maids, marry them with the lesve of their people (4:25)
MMA are due half the punishment of free wine if they commit fāhisha (4:25)
Avoid enormities of whats forbidden (4:31)
For men and women is a share of what they earned (4:32)
Give shares to those whom your oaths have bound (4:33)
Men have responsibility over women (4:34)
Women are to be humbly obedient and keeping unseen what God keeps (4:34)
If you fear contempt from your women, then admonish them, and leave in beds apart, and [*] them – save that they obey you (4:34)
If a breach is feared, then an arbitrator from both sides are to be raised (4:35)
Good conduct towards relatives, the fatherless, the needy, the neighbour, the companion, the wayfarers, and MMA (4:36)
Spend of what Allah provides (4:39)
If you are ill, on a journey, have defecated, or had intercourse, and find not water, then perform tayammum (4:43)
Deliver trusts to owners and judge with justice (4:58)
Obey those in authority amongst you (4:59)
If you differ in a matter, refer to God and the Messenger (4:59)
Turn away from munāfiqūn, and admonish them (4:63)
Ask the messenger to ask forgiveness for you (4:64)
Take precaution and advance in groups/together (4:71)
Fight satan’s allies (4:76)
Consider the Qur’an with care (4:82)
Interceding in a good cause (4:85)
When you are greeted, return it, or greet with something greater (4:86)
Take not that munāfiqūn as allies until they emigrate in His cause, if they turn back then kill them (4:89)
If they withdraw and offer peace, you have no path against them (4:90)
Accidental murder of a mu’min: Manumit a mu’min slave and give blood-momey to family – save forgiveness (4:92)
Fast two months consecutively if not possible (4:92)
Verify/investigate when you go forth in His cause (4:94)
When you are amongst them then perform the salāt for them[follow procedure mentioned] (4:102)
When that salāt is concluded, remember Him standing, sitting, on the sides, and when at ease (4:103)
The salāt is required to be performed at set times for the mu’minūn (4:103)
Submit your face to Him, do good, follow the creed of Abraham (4:125)
Stand up for equity for the fatherless (4:127)
Be witnesses to God (4:135)
Bear tidings to the munāfiqūn (4:138)
Desist from tritheism (4:171)
[Kalalah inheritance] (4:176)
Fulfil contracts (5:1)
Assist one another to virtue (5:2)
Eat from what is caught by what you have trained of animals of prey as trainers (5:4)
When you rise for the prayer, wash the face, the hands, the arm, and the feet to the ankles (5:6)
If you are unclean, then purify yourself (5:6)
Lend to God a goodly loan (5:12)
Bury after death? (5:31)
If one wages war against God and His messenger, and work corruption in the land: Then kill them, or crucify [or put to death by stake] them, ot their hands and feet be cut off, or they be banished (5:33)
Seek to Him the means of approach (5:35)
[Punishment for stealing] (5:38)
Let ahl al-injīl judge by what God sent (5:47)
Take Him, His messenger, and those who trusted as allies (5:56)
Be moderate (5:66)
Prevent one another from performing perversity (5:79)
Eat of what God has provided from what is lawful and good (5:88)
[Oath expiation] (5:89)
Avoid khamr, games of change, altars, and divining arrows (5:90)
Bear responsibility for yourself (5:105)
[Testimony after death] (5:106)
Listen (5:108)
Travel in the Earth to see the final outcomes of the deniers (6:11)
Use reason (6:32)
Call to Him (6:41)
Humble yourself (6:43)
Turn in repentance after committing evil by ignorance (6:54)
Measure God with the measure due (6:91)
Preserve your salāt (6:92)
Leave those who fabricate, and what they fabricate (6:112)
Eat over which His name has been remembered (6:118)
Leave the outwardness and the inwardness of sin (6:120)
Work according to your power (6:135)
Render due on day of harvest (6:141)
Inform with knowledge when making claim (6:143)
Follow the straight path (6:153)
Dedicate your salāt, penance, your living, and your dying to Him (6:162)
Uphold countenances at every place of submission (7:29)
Call to Him sincere in doctrine (7:29)
Take your adornment at every place of submission (7:31)
Acknowledge Messengers when they come (7:35)
Call to Him humbly and in secret (7:55)
Be patient for the judgment (7:87)
Repent and believe after evil deeds (7:153)
Follow the unschooled prophet (7:157)
Forbid evil (7:165)
Use your [metaphoric] senses (7:179)
Call to Him by his names (7:180)
Call your partners and see if they respond (7:194)
Seek refuge in Him from the satan, if provoked (7:200)
Heed to the Qur’an and listen attentively (7:204)
Reserve spoils for God and His messenger (8:1)
Make right in what is between you (8:1)
Respond to Him and His messenger when He calls you to what gives you life (8:24)
Fight until no fitnah (8:39)
If they turn away know that He’s your protector (8:40)
What you obtain of spoils, a fifth belongs to God, His messenger, relatives, fatherless, the poor, and wayfarer (8:41)
If you fear treachery, cast them back (8:58)
Prepare forces and calvary to terrify them (8:60)
If they incline to peace, then incline to it (8:61)
Consume what you took of spoils (8:69)
Strive with four property and lives (8:72)
Help those who seek help within the deen (8:72)
Bear tidings to those in kufr of a painful punishment (9:3)
Kill, seize, ambush, and restrain the mushrikīn once the inviolable months have passed (9:5)
Release them if they repent, and perform the prayer, and render the zakāt (9:5)
If a mushrik seeks protection, grant it,.until he hears His words; then escort to his secure place (9:6)
Fight those who make not unlawful what is unlawful (9:29)
Fight until the jizya is payed (9:29)
Give the Rabbis and Monks tidings of a painful punishment (9:34)
Please Him (9:62)
Let them be (9:95)
Act (9:105)
Rejoice in the contracted bargain with Him (9:111)
Keep His limits (9:112)
Be with the truthful (9:119)
Fight the kufār close to you (9:123)
Be harsh with them (9:123)
Serve Him (10:3)
If they challenge the Qur’an, ask them to bring a Surah like it (10:38)
Declare yourself quit of them (10:41)
Consider that the punishment can come at any time (10:50)
Take a straight path (10:89)
Look at what is in the heavens and the Earth (10:101)
Humble yourself unto Him (11:23)
Be clement, compassionate, penitent (11:75)
Be right-minded (11:78)
Right ordering (11:88)
Watch (11:93)
Fear the punishment of the hereafter (11:103)
Uphold the prayer at both ends of the day, and at the night’s approach (11:114)
Forbid corruption (11:116)
Use reason (12:2)
Pick imprisonment over sexual immorality (12:33)
Invite to Him with insight (12:108)
Respond to Him (13:18)
Join what’s commanded to be joined (13:21)
Avert evil with good (13:22)
Find rest in remembrance (13:28)
Be patient wherein you are hindered (14:12)
Fear His station (14:14)
Speak a good word (14:24)
Leave them to enjoy themselves (15:3)
Give glory (15:98)
Warn that there is no God save Him (16:2)
Be virtuous (16:32)
Ask the people of the remembrance if you know not (16:43)
When you recite the Qur’an, seek refuge from the accursed satan (16:98)
Falsely declare things to be lawful/unlawful (16:116)
Repent, despite committing evil out of ignorance (16:119)
Invite with wisdom, comely admonition, and dispute with what is best (16:125)
Retaliate with the like of what wherewith you are harmed, save that you forgive (16:126)
Strive for the hereafter (17:19)
Good conduct to parents (17:23)
Speak to them a noble word (17:23)
Be gentle with them and make supplication for them (17:24)
Speak a gentle word to those who need charity, but you can’t provide (17:28)
Weigh with the straight balance (17:35)
Recite the Qur’an (17:45)
Say that which is best (17:53)
Uphold the prayer at the merging of the sun until the dark of the night (17:78)
Recite at dawn (17:78)
Keep a vigil with some of the night (17:79)
Ask God to cause you to enter a true entrance and to leave at a true exit (17;80)
Declare that truth has come, and vanity is to pass (17:81)
Declare Him a sufficient witness (17:96)
Perform salāt at a medium volume (17:110)
Whoso wills, let them believe – and vice versa (18:29)
Be steadfast in His ‘ibādah (19:65)
Eat and attend to your cattle (20:54)
Give glory before rising of the sun, before it’s setting, some of the night, and at two ends of the day (20:130)
Extend your eyes towards what has been granted to others (20:131)
Call in hope and fear (21:90)
Be a righteous servant (21:105)
Feed the unfortunate poor (22:28)
Make an end of unkemptness (22:29)
Fulfil vows (22:29)
Walk around that ancient house (22:29)
Honour the sacred things (22:30)
Avoid false speech and abomination of idols (22:30)
Incline to Him (22:31)
Honour the tokens of God (22:32)
Sacrifice at ancient house (22:33)
Remember His name over camels when they are in lines (22:36)
When their flanks collapse, eat thereof and feed the reticent poor and the beggar (22:36)
Be in ruku’, and sujood (22:77)
Be a mu’min (23:1)
Be humble in salāt (23:2)
Preserve chastity (23:5)
Preserve your salawāt (23:9)
Leave them in their flood of ignorance, for a time (23:54)
Have a heavy balance (23:102)
Lash the unchaste woman and the unchaste man each with 100 lashes, have no pity on them, and let it be witnessed by mu’minūn (24:2)
Lash those who accuse chaste women with insufficient witnesses with 80 lashes, and never accept them as a witness (24:4)
If you, as a visitor, are asked to leave, then leave (24:28)
If you are a man, lower your gaze (24:30)
As a woman, you should also lower the gaze, you must additionally not reveal adornment except what I’d apparent, and you should cover the bosom [except to listed people] (24:31)
Give in marriage the unmarried (24:32)
Abstain if you find not marriage (24:33)
Emancipate those who seek it, if there is good in them, and give them of your wealth (24:33)
Declare allegiance (24:51)
If you are part of one’s right hand possessions, or one who has not reached puberty yet, then – ask permission before entering at the three times of their nakedness (24:58)
Greet with a greeting from God (24:61)
Rest at night (25:47)
Walk modestly (25:63)
Speak peace when addressed by ignorants (25:63)
Spend the night standing and in sujūd (25:64)
Seek a middle ground when spending, if you must (25:63)
Pass by vain speech with dignity (25:72)
Request to Him that your wives and progeny be made a comfort, and make you a good model (25:74)
Obey the command of the committers of excess (26:151)
Warn relatives (26:214)
Help people out (28:25)
Seek provision with Him (29:17)
Discover how He originated creation (29:20)
Reflect within yourself (30:8)
Provide to MMA (30:28)
Set yourself towards the right natural deen (30:30)
Desire His face (30:38)
Prepare for yourself (30:44)
Grateful to parents (31:14)
Be modest in walk (31:19)
Lower the voice (31:19)
Fall in sujūd when reminded of proofs (32:15)
Forsake your bed (32:16)
Call the adopted children by their fathers (33:5)
Take the messenger as a model
Stay within houses [prophet wives] (33:33)
Give glory morning and evening (33:42)
Give those whom you divorce before consummation provision (33:49)
[Historic conduct regarding prophet’s house] (33:53)
Greet the prophet with a valuation (33:56)
Women draw down over themselves some garments, for recognition (33:59)
Stand up for God in twos and alone, then reflect (34:46)
Let the workers work (37:61)
Remember David, the repentant (38:17)
Be humbly obedient in the watches of the night (39:9)
Hope for His mercy (39:9)
Expand your breast to submission (39:22)
Experience a positive reaction to the Qur’an (39:23)
Come with the truth and live in accordance to it (39:33)
Follow the best of what is sent down (39:55)
Invite to your Lord (41:33)
Grow not weary in giving glory (41:38)
Take the Qur’an as a healing (41:44)
Defer disputes to His judgement (42:10)
Uphold the Deen (42:13)
Be in dread of the hour (42:18)
Love your kin (42:23)
Avoid enormities of sin and immorality (42:37)
Conduct affairs by mutual consultation (42:38)
Help yourself when insolence visits (42:39)
Remember His favour once settled on cattle (43:13)
Watch for the day of the obvious smoke (44:10)
Watch (44:59)
Forgive those who look not for His days (45:14)
Follow the sharī’a (45:18)
Keep to the path (46:13)
[Say what is mentioned upon reaching fourty] (46:15)
Believe in what was sent down upon Muhammad (47:2)
Smite the necks of those in kufr when in battle (47:4)
Grace or ransom war captives (47:4)
Help Him (47:7)
Be obedient (47:21)
Consider the Qur’an with care (47:24)
Sue for peace when you have the upper hand (47:35)
Honour the messenger (48:9)
Be hard against those in kufr (48:29)
Lower voice in presence of messenger (49:3)
Verify the report of a perfidious one (49:6)
Make right between groups of mu’minūn (49:9)
Fight the oppressive group (49:9)
Make right between brothers (49:10)
Preserve modesty and duties (50:32)
Give ear with a conscious mind (50:37)
Glorify at the ends of the sujūd (50:40)
Listen for the day that the Caller will call from near (50:41)
Sleep little of the night (51:17)
Ask forgiveness before break of day (51:18)
Give glory when arising (52:48)
Give glory at the retreat of the stars (52:49)
Remember the ayah of the ark (54:15)
Remember the Qur’an, which is easy for remembrance (54:17)
Remember destruction of sects (54:51)
Fear His standing (55:46)
Aim to be of the sābiqūn (56:10)
Touch the Qur’an only when purified (56:79)
Aim to be of the muqarrabūn (56:88)
Fight before victories (57:10)
Lend to Him a goodly loan (57:11)
Compete for forgiveness (57:21)
Observe good/neutral innovations with due observation (57:27)
If you go back on what you have said, then free a slave before touching [other circumstances in next verse] (58:3)
When engaging in private conversation, don’t allow it to be of a sinful kind (58:9)
Make room in the assemblies when instructed; arise when instructed (58:11)
[Charity before conversation with messenger historically] (58:12)
What the messenger gives you, take it [and opposite] (59:7)
Protect from avarice of the nafs (59:9)
Look to what you have sent ahead for the morrow (59:18)
Take Abraham and his companions as good models [see full verse] (60:4)
Examine the emigrated women, to determine their faith; if they are mu’mināt, send them not back (60:10)
Return the mahr to those whom have had wives flee to kuffār (60:11)
Fight in compacted ranks (61:4)
When the call for the Friday salāt is heard, hasten to it (62:9)
Disperse upon completion, seek His bounty (62:10)
Spend before death arrives (63:10)
Beware of enemies amongst wives and children (64:14)
Listen to the Qur’an (64:16)
Count waiting period after divorce (65:1)
Turn divorcees out of house, unless they commit immorality (65:1)
Seperation to be witnessed by two just men (65:2)
If no menstruation, count three months (65:4)
If pregnant, wait until end (65:4)
Lodge then where you are, according to means, don’t press them (65:6)
Spend if they have a child, until delivered (65:6)
If they suckle, give them their reward; consult honourably (65:6)
If difficulties between you, let another suckle (65:6)
Let him with abundance spend out of it (65:7)
Fear your Lord while unseen (67:12)
Walk in the tracts (67:15)
Be patient with comely patience (70:5)
Be constant in your salāt (70:23)
Confirm.the day of judgment (70:26)
Be in dread of the punishment (70:27)
Be upright in your witness (70:33)
Preserve you salāt (70:34)
Follow the broad ways of the Earth (71:20)
Recite the Qur’an distinctly (73:4)
Devote yourself completely to Him (73:8)
Recite what is made easy of the Qur’an (73:20)
Magnify Him (74:3)
Purify your garments (74:4)
Foresake defilement (74:5)
Give food out of love of Him to the prisoner (76:8)
Seek a way to paradise (76:18)
Remember His name morning and evening (76:25)
If you have a plan then plan against Him [challenge] (77:39)
Be lowly (77:48)
Take the day as a living (78:11)
Take your Lord as a journey’s end (78:39)
Fear His station (79:40)
Let aspire those who aspire (83:26)
Let look at what you are created from (86:5)
Take heed (87:10)
Purify yourself (87:14)
Remember His name (87:15)
Look at the creation of the camel, sky, mountain, Earth (88:20)
Free a slave (90:13)
Feed in a day of starvation a fatherless relation, or a needy one in misery (90:16)
Counsel one another to compassion (90:17)
Increase the nafs in purity (91:9)
Confirm the best (92:6)
Recount His favour (93:11)
When unoccupied, make ready (94:7)
Turn your desire to Him (94:8)
Enjoin prudent fear (96:12)
Draw near (96:19)
Be pleased with Him (98:8)
Have a heavy balance (101:6)
Counsel each other to truth (103:3)
Sacrifice (108:2)
Declare that you serve not what those in kufr serve (109:2)
Declare the oneness.of Him (112:1)
Seek refuge in Him from the evil of what He created, the darkness, the blowers on knots, and the envier (113:5)
Seek refuge from the evil of the retreating whisperer (114:4)

Don’t do this:

Buy error at the price of guidance (2:16)
Make equals with God (2:22)
Deny before bringing a surah like it (2:24)
Break the agreement (2:27)
Work corruption in the land (2:27)
Deny the āyāt (2:39)
Conceal truth knowingly (2:42)
Enjoin virtue and forget yourselves (2:44)
Ask to see/interact with Him openly (2:55)
Change the saying (2:59)
Complain (2:61)
Kill prophets (2:61)
Exceed bounds / Transgress (2:61)
Transgress the Sabbath (2:65)
Ask unnecessary/excessive questions (2:71)
Assume (2:78)
Fabricate a kitāb, claiming it’s from God (2:79)
Ascribe what you know not (2:80)
Allow offenses to encompass you (2:81)
Kill amongst you and turn out of homes (2:84)
Assist in sin (2:85)
Believe in part of the kitāb and reject the rest (2:85)
Buy this life over the hereafter (2:86)
Wax proud (2:87)
Claim that your heart is covered (2:88)
Deny what God has sent (2:90)
Ignore/Deny clear signs (2:92)
Commit shirk (2:96)
Be an enemy to Him, angels, messenger, or Gabriel and Michael (2:98)
Practice sihr (2:102)
Say “attend to us” (2:104)
Ask Muhammad the same way that Moses was asked (2:108)
Exchange security for kufr (2:108)
Attempt to bring people into kufr (2:109)
Claim who enters paradise (2:111)
Hinder places places of worship (2:114)
Say that He has a son (2:116)
Follow vain desires (2:120)
Be in kufr (2:126)
Be averse to the creed of Abraham (2:130)
Die save you are submitting (2:132)
Conceal witness from Him (2:140)
Say that those matyred are dead (2:154)
Follow the footsteps of shaytān (2:168)
Commit evil (2:169)
Commit the immorality (2:169)
Follow/Trust forefathers blindly (2:170)
Eat carrion, blood, or flesh of al-khinzīr (2:173)
Eat what is dedicated to other than Him (2:173)
Buy punishment at the price of forgiveness (2:175)
Differ concerning the kitāb (2:176)
Transgress after qisās settlement (2:178)
Change the will (2:181)
Lie with women when remaining in masājid (2:187)
Consume wealth in vanity (2:188)
Bribery (2:188)
Shave head until animal is at slaughter place (2:196)
Destroy yourself (2:195)
Have sex, do perfidity, or quarrel during hajj (2:197)
Ask God to give to you in the World (2:200)
Complete the hajj in less than two days (2:203)
Destroy tilth and progeny (2:205)
Have pride in sin (2:206)
Exchange favour of God for denial (2:211)
Fight in the sacred months (2:217)
Expel those of the inviolable masjid (2:217)
Consume khamr or engage in games of change (2:219)
Marry mushrikīn until they are safe from calling to hell (2:221)
Approach women during menstruation (2:222)
Make God a cover for oaths (2:224)
Conceal pregnancy (2:228)
Take what you have given women unless they cannot uphold the limits (2:229)
Transgress the limits of God (2:229)
Remarriage not lawful till she marries someone else (2:230)
Retain women through harm (2:231)
Take ayāt in mockery (2:231)
Constrain not those whom you divorce from marrying spouses (2:232)
Allow a mothefather to be harmed by child (2:233)
Take an oath with those whom you intimated of women regarding proposal, save you speak a fitting word (2:235)
Decide upon knot of marriage until writ reaches it’s term (2:235)
Force others into the doctrine (2:256)
Hinder (2:262)
Commit immortality (2:268)
Consume usury (2:275)
Commit sin (2:276)
Conceal the witness (2:283)
Seek the interpretation of what is ambiguous, seeking fitnah (3:7)
Kill those who enjoin equity (3:21)
Say that the fire will touch for days numbered (3:24)
Take kāfirūn as allies (3:28)
Engage in scheming (3:54)
Dispute regarding what you have no knowledge in (3:66)
Clothe truth in vanity (3:71)
Seek outside the doctrine of God (3:83)
Deny after faith (3:86)
Obey a faction of those given the writ (3:100)
Be divided (3:103)
Take intimatez other than your own (3:118)
Consume usury (3:130)
Faint/Grieve (3:139)
Assume entry to jannah (3:142)
Weaken/Yield (3:146)
Be like those in kufr, who believe that different circumstances would have saved their brothers (3:156)
Coercion (3:161)
Incur His wrath (3:162)
Say with your mouths what isn’t in your heart (3:167)
Think that those killed in his cause are dead (3:169)
Fear not Satan’s allies (3:175)
Buy denial at the price of faith (3:177)
Be miserly with what God gives of His bounty (3:180)
Say that God is poor (3:181)
Having pride and pretending (3:188)
Exchange your bad things for their [fatherless] good things (4:2)
Polygamy if you fear that the fatherless will not be justly treated (4:3)
Give the incompetent your wealth (4:5)
Consume the property of the fatherless wastefully/hastily (4:6)
Try repent last minute (4:18)
Inheriting from/Constraining wiomen against their will – save that they commit fāhisha (4:19)
Take from the fortune that you gave your first wife for your new wife (4:20)
Marrying what your fathers married (4:22)
Marrying your mothers, daughters, sisters, p/m aunts, nieces, milk-mothers, milk-sisters, mothers-in-law, step-daughters under protection, daughters-in-law, being in wedlock with two biological sisters simultaneously (4:23)
Marrying married women – save MMA (4:24)
Take secret friends (4:25)
Kill those amongst you (4:29)
Consume wealth in vanity (4:29)
Wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others (4:32)
Being a conceited boaster (4:36)
Being miserly and enjoining miserliness (4:37)
Spend wealth for recognition (4:38)
Oppose the messenger (4:42)
Approaching the salāt when intoxicated or unclean – save passing by upon the path – until you wash (4:43)
Twist tongue and slander the Deen (4:46)
Beliefs in fictions and tāghūt (4:51)
Envy the bounty of others (4:54)
Referring legislation to tāghūt (4:60)
Staying behind from fighting (4:72)
Try hiding away (4:78)
Conspiring (4:81)
Leaking information regarding public safety (4:83)
Interceding in an evil cause (4:85)
Killing a mu’min on purpose (4:92)
If one greets with peace, don’t declare them a non-mu’min (4:94)
Being sedentary (4:95)
Making excuses about being oppressed, to justify wronging their souls (4:97)
Faint in seeking the people (4:104)
Advocating for the treacherous (4:105)
Argue on behalf of those who decieve themselves (4:107)
Commit an offense upon an innocent (4:122)
Make a breach with the messenger after the guidance is clear (4:115)
Following desires, changing the creation (4:119)
Incline towards only one wife, leaving the other hanging (4:129)
Distort/Evade (4:135)
Wavering (4:137)
Sit with those who discourse vainly concerning the proofs of God until they move to another subject (4:140)
Seel to decieve God (4:142)
Performing the salāt to be seen (4:142)
Public mention of evil, save when wronged (4:148)
‘Choosing’ messengers (4:150)
Ask to see God (4:153)
Be tritheistic (4:171)
Hunt when forbidden (5:1)
Violate the tokens of God, or the inviolable month, or the offering, or the necklaces, or the visitors (5:2)
Commit injustice to those who turned you out of the inviolable place of worship (5:2)
Consume the strangled, the beaten, the fallen, the gored, that eaten by the beast of prey – save what is slaughtered, that sacrificed upon the alter (5:3)
Seek apportionment by divining arrows (5:3)
Deny the faith (5:5)
Claim that God is the Messiah, son of Mary (5:17)
Claim that you are His sons and beloved (5:18)
Kill another soul (5:30)
Fear mankind (5:44)
Take the Jews and Christians as allies (5:51)
Take those who take the dīn in mockery as allies (5:57)
Take the call to the salāt in mockery (5:58)
Claim that His hand is fettered (5:64)
Forbid the good things made lawful (5:87)
Kill game when forbidden (5:95)
[Expiation for killing] (5:95)
Ask about things that would distress you if made clear (5:101)
Follow forefathers (5:104)
Declare clear signs to be sorcery (5:110)
Take Jesus and Mary as gods (5:116)
Ask for angels (6:8)
Mock messengers (6:10)
Be among the mushrikīn (6:14)
Oppose Him (6:15)
Be a wrongdoer (6:21)
Declare the Qur’an to be be legend (6:25)
Claim that there is only one life (6:29)
Denial of the meeting (6:31)
Of the ignorant (6:35)
Call to other than Him (6:40)
Take an intercessor besides Him (6:51)
Drive away those seeking His face (6:52)
Sit with those who discourse vainly concerning His proofs (6:68)
Take your deen as play and diversion 6:70)
Clothe the faith with injustice (6:82)
Deny the Writ, judgment, and prophethood (6:89)
Claim revelation (6:93)
Be deluded (6:95)
Make the jinn partners of God (6:100)
Revile those whom are called besides Him (6:108)
Seek other than Him.as a judge (6:114)
Be of the doubtful (6:114)
Obey most on Earth (6:116)
Lead astray by vain desires without knowledge (6:119)
Eat not that over which His name has not been remembered (6:121)
Assigning a share of His creation to partners (6:136)
Declaring things to be taboo (6:138)
Kill your children (6:140)
Make unlawful what He has provided you (6:140)
Commit excess (6:141)
Approach open or concealed immorality (6:151)
Follow other ways (6:153)
Wait for angels (6:158)
Divide the deen into sects (6:159)
Allow the satan to subject you to fitnah (7:27)
Commit excess when eating and drinking (7:31)
Make unlawful the adornment of God (7:32)
Sectarian zealotry (7:33)
Wax proud at proofs (7:36)
Be a mujrim (7:40)
Seek to make His path crooked (7:45)
Name names with no authority (7:71)
Scorn His command (7:77)
Approach men with lust, rather than women (7:80)
Lie in wait on the road, threatening and turning away from The Path (7:86)
Being blind to lessons (7:95)
Bribe using promise of power (7:114)
Bewitch people (7:116)
Be stubborn (7:132)
Be heedless of proofs (7:136)
Follow that path of the workers of corruption (7:142)
Take the wrong path, ignore the path of sound judgment (7:146)
Be impatient over His command (7:150)
Be a forger (7:152)
Scorn what you’ve been forbidden.(7:166)
Deviate concerning His names (7:180)
Public speech (7:205)
Dispute the truth after it’s clear (8:6)
Retreat (8:15)
Turn away when you are near (8:20)
Pretend to hear (8:21)
Betray (8:27)
Turn away from the inviolable place of submission (8:34)
Make a mockery of the salāt (8:35)
Spend wealth on turning away from path of God (8:36)
Dispute together (8:46)
Be boastful (8:47)
Let those in kufr believe that they got away (8:59)
Bear tidings of a painful punishment to the mushrikīn with whom a covenant has been made, who haven’t been deficient towards you in anything, nor assisted anyone against you (9:4)
Allow your beloved things to be dearer to you than Him and His messenger (9:24)
Allow the mushrikīn to approach the inviolable place of submission (9:28)
Take Rabbis and Monks as lords (9:31)
Wrong yourselves concerning the count of months (9:36)
Engage in their postponement (9:37)
Spend unwillingly (9:54)
Come to the prayer as an idler (9:54)
Allow their wealth and children to impress you (9:55)
Complain regarding charity distribution (9:58)
Hinder the prophet (9:61)
Enjoin perversity and forbid what is fitting (9:67)
Withhold His bounty and turn away (9:76)
Deride the believers who willingly give charity (9:79)
Remain behind due to weather (9:81)
Perform the funeral prayer for any one of them (9:84)
Staying behind due to affluence (9:86)
Make excuses (9:94)
Take what you spend as a loss, await reversals (9:98)
Take a place of submission in harm and denial (9:107)
Ask forgiveness for the mushrikīn (9:113)
Go forth all at once (9:122)
Look not for the meeting (10:7)
Neglect after being helped (10:12)
Desire for the Qur’an to be changed (10:15)
Rebel in the Earth after being delivered (10:23)
Deny before interpretation arrives to you (10:39)
Allow their speech to grieve you (10:65)
Repent too late (10:91)
Hide away (11:5)
Wish that a treasure or an angel had been sent upon him.(11:12)
Make the path crooked (11:19)
Dismiss on basis of mortality and lack of bounty (11:27)
Claim that your deity caused messenger to be touched with evil (11:54)
Follow that command of tyrants (11:59)
Heed due to their disappointment (11:62)
Decrease the measure and the balance (11:84)
Respevt others for power more than you do Him (11:92)
Rely upon those who do wrong (11:113)
Reveal dreams that could cause enmity (12:5)
Falsify evidence (12:18)
Sexual assault (12:23)
Despair of the comfort of God (12:87)
Deny physical resurrection (13:5)
Seek to hasten the evil instead of the good (13:6)
Sever what’s commanded to be joined (13:25)
Become bored when being presented with ayāt (14:9)
Threaten to expell warners (14:13)
Respond to Satan (14:22)
Speak a bad word (14:26)
Ignore similitudes (14:45)
Be of those who despair (15:55)
Refuse to provide rights and hospitality (15:70)
Build bunkers to feel secure from Him (15:82)
Make the Qur’an into parts (15:91)
Seek to hasten the command (16:1)
Be an open disputant (16:4)
Offer submission too late (16:28)
Appoint daughters for Him (16:57)
Refuse to give provision to those that their right hands posses (16:71)
Make conceptual comparisons for God (16:74)
Be a burden (16:76)
Take oaths as deception (16:92)
Take another disposer of affairs (17:2)
Being hasty (17:11)
Be perfidious (17:16)
Say “fie” to / Repell old parents (17:23)
Squander wastefully (17:26)
Be extreme on both ends of charity (17:29)
Kill your children for fear of poverty (17:31)
Approach zina (17:32)
Commit excess in lawful killing (17:33)
Walk exultantly (17:37)
Be neither loud nor quiet in salāt (17:110)
Say that you will do something later without declaring that it’s dependant upon God’s will (18:23)
Show-off (18:34)
Declare something to be eternal (18:35)
Be contentious (18:54)
Try refuting the truth (18:56)
Do shirk in the ‘ibadah of Him (18:110)
Follow lusts instead of the salāt (19:59)
Deny, then claim that you will recieve wealth and children (19:77)
Neglect the rememberance (20:42)
Carry injustice (20:111)
Oppose His command (20:121)
Have a distracted heart (21:3)
Declare the Qur’an to make no sense (21:5)
Declare yourself to be a God (21:29)
Be devoted to statues (21:52)
Divide your affair amongst yourselves (21:93)
Serve upon an edge (22:11)
Be a treacherous ingrate (22:38)
Take what Satan casts as a fitnah for you (22:53)
Seek behind relations with wives or MMA (23:7)
Declare His promise to be far-fetched (23:36)
Be self-exalting (23:46)
Divide your command into writings (23:53)
Talk to no purpose into the night (23:67)
Have a light balance (23:103)
Marry other than one unchaste or a mushrik, if you are unchaste (24:3)
Accuse chaste women without sufficient witnesses (24:4)
Love that there be spread of immorality (24:19)
Swear not to give (24:22)
Enter other’s houses without having asked leave nor greeted those therein (24:27)
Strike feet to reveal adornment [for women] (24:31)
Compel your girls to whoredom, if they desire chastity (24:33)
Submit only when the truth is to your liking (24:49)
Swear that you’d do what the messenger commands (24:53)
Slip away surreptitiously (24:63)
Be greatly scornful (25:21)
Make friends with wrong people (25:28)
Abandon the Qur’an (25:30)
Take desires as a god (25:43)
Spend extravagantly and miserly (25:67)
Bear witness to falsehood (25:72)
Disbelieve on basis of abject followers (26:111)
Build bunkers to live forever (26:129)
Lay hold as tyrants (26:130)
Cheat with men (26:166)
Follow poets (26:224)
Hasten on the evil before the good (27:46)
Commit immorality with open eyes (27:54)
Approach men with lust instead of women (27:55)
Divide and oppress people (28:4)
Seek the ignorant (28:55)
Exult in riches (28:76)
Assume that you won’t be tried (29:2)
Obey parents who compel you to shirk (29:8)
Take idols as love between you and the life of this world (29:25)
Cut off the way (29:29)
Commit perversity in your assemblies (29:29)
Continued in the comments.

https://www.halowaypoint.com/news/canon-fodder-in-zane-in-the-membrane
Header Image ^[Imgur]
It’s not a Cypress Hill song, it’s a new issue of Canon Fodder!
By now, you’ll no doubt have made headway through the latest Operation in Halo Infinite —titled “Banished Honor”—which was accompanied by a new Waypoint Chronicle based around a simple question: “What would the story of a Spartan who joined the Banished be?”
We had the perfect character lined up to tell that story, one who hasn’t been seen since the end of Hunt the Truth's second season all the way back in 2015.
Welcome back, Ilsa Zane.

THE THIRD LIFE

Our ninth Waypoint Chronicle has arrived, which follows on from the concluding events of Hunt the Truth where a Guardian awakens on the colony world Laika III. Broadly, these events are concurrent with the story that unfolds in Halo 5 as Cortana lays claim to the Mantle, rallies AIs to her cause, and sets about imposing an imperial peace upon the galaxy.
Where Hunt the Truth saw the mantle of narrator pass from journalist Benjamin Giraud to undercover ONI agent Maya “FERO” Sankar in its second season, that torch is once again passed on to a character who made her presence felt in this story... the rogue Spartan known as Ilsa Zane.
Halo: The Third Life is available here on Halo Waypoint, as a free PDF, and in audiobook format on YouTube.
“October 2558. After being taken prisoner by the Banished as chaos erupts across the galaxy, Ilsa Zane’s hunt for the truth leads her to a new stage of life she never expected...”

EMPTY THRONE

Last issue, we gave you a totally legitimate look at the cover art of Halo: Empty Throne. Art is in the eye of the beholder, and unfortunately the powers that be decided that we could do better than a screenshot made in Halo 3's Forge mode in ten minutes with some crudely edited-in elements... it was a close call, really, but we ultimately pivoted towards something with the vibe of it having come from an incredibly talented and brilliant artist—namely, Will Staehle, whose other work you can check out here.
So, here you go. Here’s the official cover art for Halo: Empty Throne, coming later this year.
Pre-order your copy of Halo: Empty Throne here!
Cover art of Halo: Empty Throne illustrated by Will Staehle depicting a young girl and a Spartan emerging from a blue explosion coming from a Forerunner structure
“2559. It has been a year since the rogue artificial intelligence Cortana seized control of the Domain, an otherworldly dimension housing a vast information network. With an array of Forerunner weapons at her disposal, Cortana set out to enforce an authoritarian peace on the civilizations of the galaxy. But as the United Nations Space Command flagship Infinity prepares to strike against Cortana at Zeta Halo, another plan has also been set in motion.
An ancient access point hidden on a seemingly insignificant human colony has become the focus of a parallel effort to claim the Domain and its immeasurable capabilities. The UNSC, however, needs a key: a living, forsaken product of an old war. As a new generation of heroes rise to meet this challenge and Cortana's pursuit of control reaches a desperate and sudden crescendo, a cunning, ruthless warrior emerges from the shadows of the Banished, who has vowed to fill the new power vacuum by any means necessary....”

THE BANISHED SPARTAN

ILSA ZANE
Cropped profile image depicting Ilsa Zane surrounded by fire and Banished banners ^[Imgur]
RANK: Bloodstar BIRTH WORLD: Kholo DATE OF BIRTH: June 11, 2528 APPEARED IN: Halo: Initiation, Hunt the Truth, Halo: The Third Life
Born on the Outer Colony world Kholo, Ilsa Zane was just eleven years old when she lost her parents and everyone she had ever known as the Covenant descended upon her home and reduced its surface to glass. Taken to the remote colony Asphodel as a ward of the state, Zane remained largely silent and solitary until coming of age in 2547, where she was conscripted into UNSC military service.
In 2550, Zane was selected as a candidate for the prototype phase of the SPARTAN-IV program. Though she survived the augmentation process, additional experimental cocktails caused severe neurological damage to Zane. After escaping the facility, she was recovered by Admiral Mattius Drake and integrated into the rebel group known as the New Colonial Alliance.
In the immediate aftermath of the Covenant War, Zane led a group of operatives who attempted to commandeer the UNSC Infinity —securing it as the flagship of the New Colonial Alliance and to prevent the UNSC from deploying it to police independent colonies. This plan was thwarted by Spartan Sarah Palmer, who ejected Zane into space where the rogue Spartan was once more rescued by Drake, who was on standby in a nearby Prowler.
Following this, Zane served as an acquisitions specialist for weapons and materiel, as well as a ruthless instructor for mercenary and rebel groups that joined the New Colonial Alliance, forging them into a veritable fighting force in preparation for a large-scale strike against the UNSC. However, the awakening of the Guardians in 2558 waylaid these plans, leaving Zane as a prisoner of the Banished—with whom she ultimately came to find both common cause and brotherhood.

BANISH THY HONOR

Halo: Tales From Slipspace - Hunting Party
Image ^[Imgur]
What does it mean to be Banished?
To be Banished is to seek to liberate oneself, to pledge loyalty not to false promises of divine ascension but to the fearsome might and will exemplified by Atriox.
Service is welcome from any species, of any previous affiliation or loyalty—from the lowliest Unggoy thrall to the mightiest Sangheili warrior, and all between and beyond.
Power is its own end. In the wake of the Covenant War, opportunity is rife to carve up the remnants of the fallen empire’s vast resources and obtain technology that furthers the prime directive of the Banished: to never bow again, a “reclamation” all their own of freedom.
Following decades of calamitous conflict that has left even the most capable commanders war-weary, it is the Banished that are energized and fortified in purpose and will. Payment for those who share common cause with Atriox comes in blood and sport and spoils.
But those who would choose this path must unshackle themselves from ties to the past—unbind themselves from old masters, cast off their piety, and banish their sentimental devotion to honor.
Only then can one become a true vessel for victory.
Only then is one truly Banished.

THIEVING MITTENS

Halo: Escalation Issue #3 page depicting a showdown between Spartan Scruggs, who has taken Admiral Hood hostage, and Spartan Palmer, Chieftain Lydus, and Arbiter Thel 'Vadam ^[Imgur]
Why would a Spartan go rogue?
It’s an apt question. After all, Spartans are meant to represent paragons of humanity in both strength and spirit. But across the generations of Spartans, there have been traitors, rebels, or those who simply wanted to leave the UNSC behind to live on their own terms.
For the Spartan-IIs, these examples came as a result of their training—of recognizing and rebelling against the horrific context of their situation.
In the “Homecoming” episode of Halo Legends, Daisy-023 and several of her fellow candidates sought to escape the program following the augmentation procedures that killed or maimed many of their brothers and sisters, but were ultimately brought back into the fold.
Likewise, in the Halo: Evolutions short story “Pariah,” Soren-066 was left disfigured by the augmentations and was gradually radicalized by a technician named Partch, eventually attempting to escape Reach and join the Insurrection. Indeed, the Spartan who sought to apprehend Soren was Randall-037, who later appeared in Halo: Nightfall where we learned that he had evaded the UNSC after the Battle of Vodin in 2532, even starting a family before ONI eventually caught up to him over a decade later, "reversing" many of his augmentations in exchange for release from UNSC service.
Looking to the Spartan Field Manual, originally released back in 2018, we can gain further insight into the risk of rogue Spartans as it applies to the SPARTAN-IV program:
STOLEN GAUNTLET
Nevertheless, the SPARTAN-IV selection process is not foolproof. Spartan-IVs are soldiers with preexisting philosophies and loyalties, and even the most carefully screened candidate can react to their augmentation and training in unexpected ways. Individual Spartans represent a strategically significant level of combat power and pose a major security threat if their loyalty is compromised.
The STOLEN GAUNTLET fail-safe protocol has been created to provide training and permissive rules of engagement for special agents tasked with tracking down and swiftly neutralizing rogue Spartans.
~ Halo: Official Spartan Field Manual, p. 86
Rogue Spartans
Halo Mythos artwork by Isaac Hannaford depicting Mickey's betrayal of Buck and Romeo in Halo: New Blood ^[Imgur]
Ilsa Zane represents the earliest example of this manifesting as a critical issue for the Spartan-IV program, and she is far from a singular example.
In Halo: Escalation, we see Spartan Vladimir Scruggs—another New Colonial Alliance defector—attempt to sabotage the peace talks between Arbiter Thel ‘Vadam and Chieftain Lydus.
Another prominent example is Michael Crespo in Halo: New Blood, who became disillusioned with being sent to kill other humans in the wake of the Covenant War and defected to the United Rebel Front with fellow Spartan Rudolf Schein.
Of course, defecting is one thing, but what is it about the Banished that would be attractive to a rogue Spartan? That is something wholly contingent upon the individual, and at present there is a specific example we can examine: Ilsa Zane.
Having been discarded by the UNSC after falling victim to experimental augmentation cocktails that ravaged her body and mind, she was eventually left for dead by Admiral Drake as well—she was herself “banished” from the places she had sought to belong. This, in combination with her proclivity for violence and a ruthless mindset, led her to discover a certain kinship with the Jiralhanae on Laika III, leading her to willingly pledge herself and the New Colonial Alliance to the Banished.
In the words of Spartan Scruggs: "I am a Spartan. But what you fight for isn't always the same as who you fight for."

ARMORY INFINITUM

The Ravager was a new weapon introduced to the sandbox in Halo Infinite, though it made its fictional debut in Halo: Shadows of Reach.
“The cacophony of gunfire was replaced by the sizzle of shock rifles and the thump-hiss of ravagers.”
~ Halo: Shadows of Reach, Chapter 21
Featuring a semi-automatic, three-round burst and a charge ability that can create a burning pool for area-of-effect damage, the Ravager quickly became a favorite tool of Jiralhanae warlords for its capacity to flush out garrisoned infantry.
A unique version of the weapon, the Rebound Ravager, can be found in the possession of Captain Arthoc—a high value target the Master Chief encountered on Zeta Halo. Rounds fired by this weapon have the ability to bounce, to which the words of Agent Washington from Red vs. Blue may come to mind: “It bounces? Who designs a gun that bounces?!”
Halo Infinite screenshot of Arthoc ^[Imgur]
ARMORY OF RECKONING CAPT ARTHOC FWD: RAVAGER
The Armory of Reckoning—it is a fitting name for the tools of conquest and destruction birthed from its forges.
When we advanced on the human remnants that had sought shelter within their crashed ship, I requested of Commander Bannix an augmented version of the plasma tossers produced by the Forge of Torograd.
Where we have mastered both spike and spear in our weaponry since before the Immolation, infusion matter remains an object of study for our alchemists. I was informed by the Screecleaver that there is a great savant stationed on Oth Liqattu who has sought to unlock further secrets of this fetid power, applying it to our own troops and many of our vehicles.
It is said that prolonged exposure to this corrosive bile can addle the mind and rot the body... that is good, for there are many small spaces in human ships. The capacity for this weapon to launch projectiles that bounce before erupting into toxic piles was of great use in flushing our foes from cover. How they flailed and danced to our battle song!
It is my understanding that pure infusion matter is pumped throughout Forerunner facilities, so we must dedicate resources to finding these wellsprings within the substructures of this ring. I shall bring this to Tremonius once he has returned from investigating a disturbance at his outpost.

MERIDIAN SLOANCOMING

Last month saw the arrival of Halo: Battle Born's rerelease, featuring two new short story “adjuncts” which we took a closer look at in our previous issue.
On April 30, the rerelease of Halo: Meridian Divide hit the shelves and—as folks have noticed—there's another adjunct in this one as well!
MERIDIAN HOMECOMING
Halo 5 screenshot of a Promethean Knight on Meridian ^[Imgur]
Completing the trifecta of new adjuncts in these rereleases is “Meridian Homecoming,” which is set in the immediate aftermath of Cortana’s final sacrifice on Zeta Halo in December 2559.
With the leader of the Created dead, the future of this fledgling faction has been thrown into doubt. High Auxiliary Sloan has returned to Meridian where he occupies a Promethean Knight’s carapace and wanders the vast glasslands of his home to find his own fate.
Of course, fans who followed the Precipice short story series last year (which accompanied Halo Infinite's recurring FIREWALL events) know that Sloan has emerged as a new leader within the Created and set into motion the creation of the Executors. “Meridian Homecoming” gives us a small moment in time with Sloan as he contemplates what the concept of home means to him, Cortana’s unfulfilled promise of salvation, his regrets over how he departed from Meridian, and the memories held within a Promethean Knight that set him on a new path.

COMMUNITY LORE CORNER

For this month’s Community Lore Corner, we kick things off with GammaCompanyMark who has put together a media order for the Halo series if you really, really want to experience it in some form of “timeline order.”
The fine folks at JumperScape have been adapting some of the lore and stories we’ve put out for Halo Infinite, beginning with the Intel drops we did for Season 2: Lone Wolves. (If you can believe it, it’s just passed the two-year mark for when this season launched!)
We recently discovered Lore VoidCat while checking out the latest Halo lore content on YouTube, and he has put together a fantastic series of videos about various expanded universe aspects—from every blade of the Covenant, to recounting the stories of various games and books, and more. Here’s one of his latest!
Would it be surprising if you learned that Covenant Canon has put out a new video featuring some... you guessed it, Covenant canon? In his latest release, we take a look at every known Arbiter throughout the Halo universe’s history.
Every now and then, the nostalgic longing for those halcyon days of 2007 return, which is exactly what you will feel when watching Meaning In-Between and Frogarchist's exploration of how mystery was a core thematic pillar of Halo 3.
And finally, David and Ian of Podcast Evolved have done a new “book club” episode on one of our previous Waypoint Chronicles: Saturn Devouring His Son.
With that, it’s time to sign off for this month’s issue.
If you haven’t already checked out Halo: The Third Life, be sure to do so—and if you have, well, go and read or listen to it again! Let the gears of speculation turn for what is depicted on the cover art for Halo: Empty Throne (don’t forget to secure your pre-order), and you can get your in-game Ilsa Zane cosplay sorted by completing the Banished Honor Operation Pass!
We depart with our favorite Ilsa Zane comic panel for your entertainment.
Halo: Initiation panel of Ilsa Zane shutting of the UNSC Infinity's original AI, Aine, saying "Quiet you." ^[Imgur]
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