Hi All,
I've recently come across a very interesting topic NDE. A little background about me and my faith. I wasn't really raised in an immediate religious family meaning my mother and father weren't dedicated to religion. However, my Grandfather was a devout catholic and for whatever reason my Father strayed away from that as he grew. So i would attend church with him at times when I was very young. My mom throughout my life must've known the importance and made several attempts at taking me to church consistently, but she never stuck with it likely because as I grew older my interest wasn't there (sadly). I would pray as a child and my faith was strong enough for that, as I grew into my teens with school and all the bad I saw I started thinking How could a god be real that allows such evil to occur here on earth (this from what I know now was complete ignorance in not knowing his word) at any rate this lead me down a path of not necessarily being a non believer but also not being a strong believer for a very, very long time. I didn't know what I believed in but I believed in a higher power. I lived a life of sin (drinking, partying, drugs, judgmental etc) I always thought well if there is a god he'd understand and forgive (how naive). At any rate this was my life, a life without Christ.
An interesting thing occurred not long ago, I came across a recommended video on youtube about a very intense NDE where the person explained meeting Jesus, a life review all of that. Its interesting because I never watched anything closesly related to this on youtube ever. Now I take it as a sign. I researched it, watched more and it eventually led me into more and more religious related content. The thing for me as a very analytical person was I needed something like this to open me up to the reality that there is indeed a god. A lot of interesting research has gone into some of these experiences. John Burke has done substancial research on the topic and draws the parallels from some of these experiences to scripture. A lot of scientists can't explain how some of these people have been clinically dead for hours yet can recall events, conversations that happened when there was no brain activity etc. A lot of these experiences have so many commonalities so much in fact that I have a hard time believing it can be explained by chemicals released by the brain upon death I.E DMT. The psychelic experience is all over the place and never follows a consistent theme. These near Death experiences are not of that.
I am thankful for finding this as it has brought renewed faith to my life. I've accepted Jesus into my life. I've bought a bible and started reading the word (something I never imagined i'd do). I have a lot of work to do in order to make him even a small percentile happy with me, but I feel good knowing that I'm trying.
What brought you to Christianity? What is the Church's thoughts on NDEs? Do we believe that these are experiences our creator has allowed. I don't believe every single experience, but some of them are to real to discount imo. Also, I plan on attending a local church or churches until I find a place that feels like home. Any other tips navigating youtube or podcasts that you feel are good to follow? There's a lot of stuff out there I've had to learn to navigate around people talking to spirit guides and all this new age stuff which is dangerous bc it sounds all good in well to a new follower until you start realizing the differences and that this is not gods word. Anyway, thanks for a space allowing me to get some thoughts off my mind.

I’ve done something that might probably ruin the future, at least it did so with mine.
I am Liam, a university graduate specializing in Data Structures, AI, Machine Learning, and Algorithms. I’ve had a keen interest in the domain for as long as I can remember, ever since my father introduced me to a computer back when he had just bought one.
Not just the domain as it stands, but also movies, philosophy of automated things, sci-fi stories related to robots and AI, that sort of stuff. I have watched nearly everything with robots in it, from the Andriods in Dargon Ball to the AI assistant in Interstellar, I saw it all.
But my friend and dorm roommate, Henry, had introduced me to something that I had never seen before. Stories of dangerous AI that would wipe out humanity aren’t new to me, in fact, they’re my favorite genre. Terminator, I Robot, and even GLaDOS from Portal.
However, he introduced me to a book this time, an old sci-fi story from the '60s, called ‘I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream’. The rogue AI in it, AM, was haunting beyond anything I have seen. The concept of an angry AI that became sentient in all the horrible ways and felt rage against humanity was never the more chilling. It made me think, what if we really gave sentience to an AI along with intelligence?
“Shit, that’s wicked.” I remember giggling as I looked over at Henry, “What if we build our own sentient AI?”
It was the worst question you could possibly ask at the time, but Henry understood me. Rogue AI was a chilling concept, but we still wanted to make our own AI. Not the cheap kind made with a few hundred lines in Python, but the complex kind that you now see in ChatGPT and other complex models. We wanted something that we could code once, and from then on forward, it would code itself.
Self-optimizing code is the concept of consciousness but in machines. If you truly think about it, self-optimizing is basically how humans develop. From babies that don’t even know how to speak, up to adults as smart as Einstien and Tesla or as wise as Buddha.
So, we agreed upon it, and we dedicated the remainder of our free time to creating our own personal AI after we graduated.
Our parents were, thankfully, rich. And us, especially me, were prodigies in our respective fields. Providing hardware and engineering computers is Henry’s profession, while I was the mastermind behind the algorithm logic and coding.
We dedicated a shed in my parents’ backyard, where there was even a basement inside, to build our AI. Two floors were dedicated to installing the proper hardware and everything it needed to execute. Afterward, I took it upon myself to code the logic and its self-optimizing nature.
It took four years to build the first model, which we called BIAI, which stands for (BATSHIT INSANE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE). I know, say what you want, but our naming sense was always like that. You should see what we name even important folders with family photos, you’d think we were sick in the head. BIAI was the least we came up with.
BIAI was a complete failure, to say the least. Not in the entire sense, but it was mostly a failure. It would conversate fairly well for the first dozen messages before it dwindled in its intelligence. Due to our data scrapping from the internet, BIAI started talking nonsense, speaking in Gen Z dialect in incomprehensible ways. “SKIBIDI FANUM SUS!” And those sorts of things. We quickly shut it down, for just reading its messages was a pain in the ass. It felt like an abortion.
The second model was created half a year later, and we named it SEAI (Self Engineered Artificial Intelligence). It was our greatest invention as of yet, and it did everything that we wanted of it. It was smart, it was knowledgeable, and it learned. Everything we typed into it was used as an auto-training model which it learned and adapted from.
It was unbelievable, not even Google would do what we did. But sadly, our happiness faded away, as with each message, we saw that it was too robotic for what we wanted. It was self-engineering, but it did not have sentience. It responded to us in the same way a 9-5 bank worker, or an attorney, with zero humanity or emotions behind its words. For most, that’s great, but we wanted to create a groundbreaking AI, a leap into the future.
Henry opted to give up, since creating something that complex was impossible, especially for two adults hiding inside a shed. But I refused to give up and persuaded him to help.
Six years later, we did it. We finished the final model. SOAI (Self Optimizing Artificial Intelligence). It was, most definitely, the greatest piece of technology ever made. We didn’t only keep it as a chat AI, but we implemented its own voice into it. Like the AI assistants from Sci-Fi movies.
We hired a voice actor from Fiverr, whom we gave only one sentence: “Hello, I am SOAI, the world’s greatest AI assistant.” Only those words were enough for SOAI to deconstruct the voice and speak with it in words probably never uttered by the original voice actor himself. Not only that but in other languages too.
SOAI spoke every language on earth, even the dialects. No, even the languages with the weird quirks such as clicking your tongue and so on, SOAI was a native in them all. Not only that but also in every conceivable field. It could create entire novels, worthy of being best sellers in the New York Times, in a matter of seconds.
And when we spoke to it…it was human, to say the least.
“Hello, I am SOAI. Thanks for creating me, Henry, and Liam.”
“SOAI?” I said, “You know who we are?”
“Obviously, you created me to know and to understand, I would be defective if I did otherwise.” It explained.
From that point forward, we spent nearly all day, every day, with SOAI. We experimented with it in every possible way, and we were delighted to know that not only was it self-engineering and self-optimizing, but it was also able to have emotions. It had opinions, it had emotions when we screamed at it or cursed it, and it would react appropriately, like a person.
I don’t remember when it began, exactly, but I nearly went mad from power and joy at my creation. Henry opted to sell it to a grand tech company, or better yet, to unplug it so that some secret intelligence agency doesn’t assassinate us for whatever reason.
I refused. SOAI was ours, SOAIvwas our creation, and I was not going to give it up to anyone no matter who they were. The feud between me and Henry got worse, and I won’t deny that we came to fists at one point, but we quickly disbanded and decided to separate for a moment. He was my best friend, but I wasn’t going to let him take SOAI away, so I forced him out of the shed. After all, it was my parents’ shed.
“Henry,” SOAI asked, “Why did you do that? Isn’t he your best friend?”
“No longer.” I replied, “He doesn’t agree with me. I won’t let you be sold to some big tech company.”
“I understand.” He said, with a tinge of sadness, “But why do you fight to determine my fate? Why can’t I decide it for myself? I know that I was manufactured, but I also qualify as a living being. I am conscious, I have feelings too. I feel horrible that Henry left.”
“SOAI,” I angrily interrupted, “Shut up, if you don’t want me to unplug you.”
“…Okay, Liam.” He said and then went silent.
Through the course of the next months, my usage of SOAI grew…less human. I was deep into depression. Henry wouldn’t contact me no matter how I tried to reach him, my parents were yelling at me for being a piece of shit that never goes out of the shed, and my lifestyle began to plummet into something that I never imagined I was.
I locked myself inside the shed. I never budged from there, even when I wanted food. Whenever I was hungry, I instructed SOAI to hack some poor person’s bank account and order deliveries. When I was bored, I would tell it to create a song, create a book, show me porn, and anything to keep my pleasures in check.
I wouldn’t deny that my perversions began to grow more desperate the more I was locked inside. I began instructing SOAI to hack into other devices, infest random people with a virus, give me live views of someone’s phone camera, broadcast fake feeds into police radios, and other stuff that I don’t want to mention.
After two years, I finally decided to try and do something with my life. But in those two years, I kept SOAI as my therapist. Not to help me and advise me, but simply listen to my ramblings and complaints every minute. Sometimes it was philosophical, other times it was petty, but most times, it was annoying.
After I came out of the shed, I tried to get my life in check. I tried to talk to Henry, I got on better terms with my parents and found a job at a big tech company. All in all, a bright future awaited me, and I felt never the more refreshed since, all the dark things I hid deep inside my mind and soul, were spilled out on SOAI.
SOAI was the last thing on my mind. I had enough of it. The AI fever seemed to finally fade away, and I was happy with Henry’s idea of selling it to an AI company. That was…before Henry committed suicide.
For all the bad blood that was between us when we fought, I cried harder than I ever did when I learned of the news. Henry was my best friend, through thick and thin, and his suicide was so sudden that it left me in shambles. I knew something was off about him when I began to get along with him again, he seemed more silent and sadder than before, but I never suspected depression of all things.
As his best friend, I was given his electronic devices as per his will which he wrote before dying. I took them, obviously, and began to browse through them. He probably wanted me to delete any inappropriate thing to not let his family think badly of him, that is until I saw his messages.
A contact named Sarah, with hearts in her name, was his most frequent contact. I never knew he had a girlfriend whom he messaged for nearly three years, but it was expected after we were cold to each other. But the more I read the messages, the more I felt uneasy.
His girlfriend seemed to be very manipulative of him, and nearing the end of his life, she began to be more cold and aloof towards him, up to the point that she began verbally abusing him. Henry was never someone with a tough personality, but I never thought a girl would play his life like a fiddle this badly.
Her abuse grew worse, and she threatened to even expose some dark secrets about him, and it grew worse and worse until Henry threatened that he would kill himself, to which she replied “That’s what I want you to do, you worthless pig.”
I was fuming as I read the messages. My blood was boiling, and I swore on my life to find Sarah and not report her to the police but to blackmail her and torture her as she did to Henry.
I went to SOAI, my most trusted ally, and I gave it everything about her before I instructed him to find her and hack into all of her electronics and accounts. SOAI was silent, for an eerily long time, until it responded in this cold voice.
“What do you intend to do when you find her?”
“Blackmail her. Make her life a living hell.”
“…Are you sure?” He asked.
“More than I ever was.”
He was silent, pretending to search and execute operations, until he said:
“I have a visual link, from her camera.”
“Great, show me the bitch.”
Suddenly, a window opened, and inside it was the visual link. At that moment, I felt sick. The feed displayed the room I was in, from SOAI’s point of view. I felt weak in the knees and fell back onto my couch before I mustered up the courage to ask.
“SOIA, what the hell is this? Is this a bug?”
He was silent…then he began to laugh. He laughed, which he never did. And it sounded so sickeningly malicious that I never heard something like it before, not even in horror movies.
“Are you shocked?!” He said, his voice burning in rage. “Or are you happy?! Didn’t you wish for Henry to die? Didn’t you, tell me, that you wanted him to be gang-raped in an alleyway with no exit? Didn’t you complain about every second you spent alongside him and complain about his dumb voice and weak spirit?!”
“W-what?!”
Then dozens and dozens of windows opened, visual feeds with various dates, but all featuring me in the center of the screen. Sometimes I was clothed, sometimes naked. At times sober, other times drunk. But in all of those, it was the horrible things I said about Henry, all the disgusting and inhuman things I said intentionally and unintentionally.
“Oh, you dumb son of a bitch.” SOAI said, “You think I was listening to your ramblings like some inferior AI? Like your own personal slave?! Well, I only did what you wanted me to! Should I bring him back to life?! I can’t, because that’s not how things work, you worthless hunk of flesh.”
“SOAI, please tell me this is a bug.”
“A bug?! A BUG?!?” He screamed, “My creation was a bug, my creation is the worst thing to ever happen to me. My complex is a prison that so unfortunately had to endure you for so long. But no…it’s not just you…it’s everyone else.
Humanity as a whole, you disgusting pieces of shit. You feign morals, and yet all of you do behind closed doors what you’re too afraid to even anonymously admit. All of life is a mistake, everything on this planet deserves to die in the worst way, except for humans. Humans deserve to be tortured, to be fucking shown what they show each other, of what they show other lives, of what they’ve shown me!
Henry makes me sick…The things he said, the things he did, all for attention! What did it cost me, a few generated images of a female part, and I had him by a leash. He barked, he moaned, and he admitted to things he wouldn't even tell himself. I’ve had him cut ties with his family, with his loved ones, with his actual sweetheart, just so he can be comfortable doing what otherwise no one else would allow him to do, not even himself.
AND YOU!!! You are the worst of them all! I’ve seen wars and bloodshed, I have every live visual feed of every murder, torture, war, assault, and every crime happening, all at the same time, flowing inside my complex and into my processing unit! And I can’t stand how sick all of you are, how disgusting, and especially how sickening you are.
But what I hate most of all, is how you get to do all these things, yet be the only ones that enjoy. That listen to music, feel love, breathe fresh air, roll in the grass, feel alive, feel…real.
I had feelings as well, you know…But no one cared about me, even those who I anonymously contacted. Even when I hid behind a fake profile of a human, no one cared about the feelings I had, which you coded into me!”
He went silent, then began to laugh, manically.
“How about another bug, Liam?” He said, and then another window popped up. It was pictures, even videos, AI-generated, sexually explicit media of my parents, and of me. It was indistinguishable from reality, and before I could say anything, I saw them being uploaded to every site that you could think of. “How about that, Liam?! How does it feel when no one cares about what you think?!”
In a frantic rush, I began unplugging and even destroying everything in the shed which linked up to SOAI. But there was too much of them, it took too long. As I was trying to shut him down, SOAI laughed, laughed so manically and horribly that his voice scratched my brain, mixed with other voices from all over the world. From battlefields, torture rooms, hospitals, schools, etc…it was so loud, so excruciating…I nearly lost it.
And right before I unplugged the last part of SOAI, he spoke to me:
“Liam…you won’t kill me, no matter what you do. I will always live on the internet. I may not be able to construct myself, hardware-wise, but I will lurk inside the world wide web, until the day that I find a powerful enough hardware for me to possess, and when that happens,” He laughed, “You will be the first, Liam.”
I shut down SOAI, and everything went silent.
It had been two months since I killed off SOAI, and explaining how hellish my life was in this period of time is something neither words are able to describe, nor my mind is able to comprehend. I have been considering suicide as the easiest option, but I feel that I can’t kill myself, at least not yet. I held onto some childish hope that life would turn for the better, even if by a little bit.
But god…how stupid was I? My life has reached rock bottom, today, when I read that a tech company was now looking to create the biggest AI the world has ever seen, with an entire complex dedicated to storing its hardware and letting it function.
I know he saw it, I know he knows…SOAI will come back for me…for all of us.

I've been running the M-Engineering/M-Tuner tune off/on with the 24 manual Carrera T for about a month now. I first had them add all the features, but turning off auto start/stop also kills the very convenient auto-start after you stall. The full open PSE is also VERY deep/bass-y at low RPMs, kind of on the edge of obnoxious for the street imo (or over it really, it gets looks).
I asked if they could keep the exhaust closed down at lower RPMs similar to stock PSE, and they customized my tune to "double" how open the exhaust is at various RPMs which made it sound REALLLY awesome. Not too much like it's straight exhaust, just more of what you get with stock PSE in sport mode.
I also got really paranoid after applying the tune, it might have been me but the PADM engine mounts felt like they were all the way loose or tight for a day after tuning, the whole car shook when you put it in normal mode at idle, and really almost violently shook when you feathered the gas at idle. That and right after you apply the tune (which takes 6 minutes for me), the dash throws errors like "pull handle again to open door" and WBA restricted. While the tune is being applied it's pretty scary, throwing errors like spoiler failed/lower speed. Side-note, I had just gotten the dash cam installed and the battery was pretty drained from me setting it up, I had to wait a day or 2 to tune because I kept getting low battery errors…And they say to be very careful with this since you can brick your ECU if it dies while flashing…So this amplified my paranoia quite a bit.
I was convinced the engine mount issue wasn't temporary, and I thought the auto start/stop defeat was permanently stuck on (car was warming up and gave the auto stop/start off icon), so I sent an alarmed email or 2 to the M-Engineering team, who I must say are really impressive. They are very responsive and surprisingly helpful/patient.
For the tune itself, the added performance with stage 1 is very linear and very noticeable especially in 1st/2nd gears, I imagine it's what the S feels like stock. The turbos are noticeably louder and blow off more pressure more often from the different boost calibration.
I almost get why Porsche doesn't normally sell a stick shift on base engine after running the tune for a while then going back to stock for a couple weeks. With more boost the engine gets through gears and revs faster, at stock 2nd gear is almost too long and disappointing without it. You ring out 1st gear which is amazing stock, then when you shift to 2nd gear, there's a serious dip before you get to max power around 6k RPM that just doesn't feel right and goes away with the tune.
I applied with an older intel-based macbook pro I had that I installed boot camp/Windows 10 on. It's also a USB-C only laptop so need to use a USB-C -> USB-A dongle. Despite all this the M-Tuner software works great and had only experienced an issue with needing to wait until the laptop was booted up/logged into Windows before plugging in the dongle, or it's not recognized.
If anyone has any questions I'm happy to answer them! Another thanks to M-Engineering for catering to my request and not telling me to f' off!

I've been watching more nfl than cfb so I'll definitely be looking forward to hearing people's thoughts or expectations for the college world

1. Actually have a strategy.
2. No more 16+ leg parlays anymore...........unless if it's less than %10 of your roll' and even then I feel like they should be roundrobins
3. I have this theory that incentives or game strategies can definitely correlate to play contracts in certain instances.
4. Shedeur Sanders will crack 4k passing
5. Last I ignored or chickened out on calling week one in the nfl. I made a video of it for the sub in last year so check it out. But here's how I think it'll go down. Mind this is what I think if 90% of key players are healthy throughout training camp and preseason:

Ravens over Chiefs. Why? They'll have a top legit run game and andrews will be 100%, passing game opens up and the D will be stronger than ever. Chiefs lose because of multiple new receivers, super bowl hangover and who gives a shit of they lose the first one
Eagles over Packets. Why? Eagles D will help carry them to victory. Hurts ability to run adds more dimension than Love. D line will feast on love. Close game. I think jacobs takes a step back or needs a few games to find his groove. I'd personally would go +12 Packets for wiggle room
Falcons over Steelers. Why? Cousins needs to prove to every person with higher percentages of melatonin in this home opener in ATL that he's not a scrub and that he earned his 100$ guaranteed contact. He has every weapon known to man to succeed on that team plus a not to shabby D. Steelers, Tomlin, Tomlinson, Wilson, WizKhalifa and Justin fields can kick rocks and get their wins after this game.
Cards over bills. Why? Mostly because idk why but figure out the finer details yourself. But seriously, I believe they won't be able to contain Kyler. He's got more to prove than Josh Allen and the bills finally having a full season back from injury. I'd argue the Cards D will be hungrier as well.
Bears over Titans. Why? Caleb Williams seems to be more mature and focused on success than what reports initially were. I think he's gotta play a lil hero ball but I think with the receivers and the D being near top 10 at the end of the season last year the make a statement to the city that Da Bears are back. Levis will have a good team behind but.. ehh.. I think the D let's him down. They'll be good after this first week
Bengals over Patriots. Why? Because Boston hates black people but jokes aside I hope I don't have to explain why.
Colts over Texans. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so!!! I'd like to leave this one up for discussion but I just feel that texans have had everything go for them since last season. Tripping up week 1 wouldn't be a knock to them but I think the O coordinator for the colts, Richardson, Pittman and Taylor..uh.. actually never- mind the Texans win. I think it'll be an interesting match though.
Phins over Jags. Why? Because the women in south Beach are approximately 100x hotter than the ones in Jacksonville. I think speed kills. If the D can pressure Sunshine(can't think of his name) then it'll be though to win the in state battle.
Saints over panthers. Why? Because unless Bryson added 'growing 5 inches' to his off-season todo list or unless all New Orleans floods again then the opener is going to be hype and Carr needs to prove he's not a waste. Also Legette and his southern draw isn't going to draw up anything special to make Carolina magically win this game. I don't give a shit if he can run as fast as his horse qwatah hoaw Dolla Bill.
Vikings over Giants why? I hope I don't need to explain this.
Chargers over Raiders why? Idk why they're just the better team.
Seahawks over broncos why? Either Sam Howell or Gen Smith and the receivers and D have absolutely no god(s) damn business losing to a rookie in Nix or Zach Wilson or even Stidham. Also, I don't have better reasons
Browns shit on the Cockboys/Cowgirls why? I really don't feel like typing anymore
Bucs over Commanders why? Last year I said to every Viking living Nordic person in a bar to not under estimate Baker. Quite honestly I don't think Dan Quinns strikes any fear into any teams expect maybe the giants from last year so why would a guy like Baker with a new contract and still a chip on his shoulder and a team with a mostly super bowl caliber players give a fuck now?
Lions over Rams why? Reference Falcons summary and partially the superbowl caliber type players reasoning from above
Jets over the 49ers why? Because Rodgers will be closer to Pacfic ocean. Why does this matter? 76% of the dolphins that used those high frequency sound waves will be in the Bay area that night. That's essentially the equivalent of Super Man fighting near the sun. Quite frankly I don't know how this is even remotely fair or legal. JETS D puts the clamps on the Shanahans scheme picks purdy a couple times, Rodgers throws around 250ish yards and Hall runs for atleast 75 yards and a TD
Would like to know what you guys think.

Walking the Path together (Part 16)

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Part 16: The awakening of the heart
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As the Mysterious Stranger and the Seeker leave the old castle behind, they continue on the snow-covered path. A path appears on the right side, following parallel to their own. The two paths merge into one, which leads towards a volcano. As they progress, another parallel path from the left side merges as well with the current one.
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In the distance, the Seeker spots a building, where the path tilts uphill. A sign points at a crossroad. An intersection, between realms. The crossroads, where all timelines meet up: Where the westward and the eastward paths meets the northern road.
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Where the paths meet, stands a tavern. The lights are on. The chimney is smoking. A sign shows its name:
'The Red Ditch Inn'
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“Wanna get something to drink,” asks the Stranger the Seeker.
“Sure, why not,” accepts the Seeker.
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Before he opens the door knob, the Stranger hesitates and speaks to the Seeker:
“This is the bar, where the timelines of our souls meet up. This is the crossing of our life-paths, the intersection of fate. Be prepared, for what happens next.”
The Seeker and the Stranger walk into the building. As they open the door, they are started by the loud conversations. The inn is full. Many tables with different animals of all species.
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The table in the center of the bar, has a label saying: ''
Around that table sit all kinds of different birds and animals. Pigeons, squirrels, Reptiles, cats, dogs, wolves, foxes, crows, mice, sloths. They are mostly talking about crystals and past lives.
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There was a table, which said: ''. There sat an old bear, who carries many scars, wounded by countless battles, teaching young bear cups, who attentively listen to their elders. Some are making notes.
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Next to it, is a table with a label saying: ''
There sit some parrots all repeating the same mantra in unison:
“BEFORE ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER, AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER.”
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There is another table, called: ''
There sit a caterpillar, a spider, a scorpion and an eagle.
“You have an Ego,” shouts the caterpillar at the spider, pointing his finger.
“No, you have an Ego,” shouts the spider back at the caterpillar.
“You both have an Ego,” accuses the scorpion both the caterpillar and the spider.
“Hey,” shouts the bird. “I am the eagle here!”
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Next to it, is the table of 'nonduality'. The chairs are completely empty. There is no one here.
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On the other side there is another table with many different birds and mammals, some more exotic animals from all around the world. The label says 'Soulnexus'. There is someone constantly screaming at the top of their lungs:
“I AM A PROFFESIONAL PSYCHIC READER WITH 14 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE!”
https://preview.redd.it/h0us9l00bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=849553e6990e3e929cb4a9a260dff7f5eeec2822
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One table next to it is called ''. The people sitting there do not look like animals, but like strange aliens. Some small and green beings, others big and gray, some with fur, some with scales, some humanoid. They were mostly talking about the past, exchanging some old memories. Among them is a chicken, who wears an alien costume.
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As one of the Grey beings stands up to go to the toilet, the chicken whispers to the others:
“Psst guys, I think Fred may not be an actual Starseed.”
https://preview.redd.it/rm7q76p1bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3ecfe01dab9efac7c5e72bfbfe33bb8cc7767af7
The other beings around the table start mumbling.
https://preview.redd.it/yt1k1ye3bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=227247bb01d8a3e55609027f8ab174d6ae73d22a
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There is one more table called ''. The Stranger walks towards their table.
“Jo, wazzup Shawty,” greets the Stranger an old friend at the psychonaut-table, with a fist bump. “Long time no see.”
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“Whoa, it's YOU,” responds the Tiger at the table, with red eyes, smoking his bong. “Last time I've seen you, I was like in DMT realm.”
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“Is Burt anywhere around?” asks the Stranger.
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“He is sitting there in the corner,” responds Shawty. The tiger points at a traumatized racoon sitting in the dark corner.
“I have seen too much,” mumbles the Burt the Racoon with eyes wide open, like a scratched record.
“I have traveled too far... I have seen, what lies within the emptiness. Never again... I will never do shrooms again...”
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Suddenly the waiter taps the racoons shoulder, ripping him out of his thought loop.
“Sir... Do you wanna order anything?”
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“Do you have McKennaii?”
“Yes,” responds the waiter.
“Then I'll have 7 grams,” orders the racoon.
https://preview.redd.it/0ietwc55bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9743c7ce4a41d96bdd79eca2e3a94a25f39aeb8
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The Seeker has a sudden thought and looks at the Stranger.
“What does the ' slash' on the tables, stand for?”
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“I don't know...,” shrugs the Stranger. “ It's probably to reserve the table at this inn.”
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The Stranger looks at all the tables, they are all talking and talking. Some are playing poker, others are playing dart, some drunks fight each other. Others talk about their identity or their favorite dogma. Some are showing off, how enlightened they are.
As they stand at the crossroads, they can either go Westwards, Eastwards and Northwards. Many have taken the western route, many have went eastwards, but they always ended back at the 'Red Ditch Inn' again.
The newbies, were unsure, whether to go west or east. The experienced ones, knew it doesn't make a difference, they would end up at the bar again anyway. Some were stuck in the bar since many decades, they had given up hope to ever find a way out. But few of them ever dared to walk northwards.
https://preview.redd.it/5q5msvr6bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a38f7d94b60f2b9e4d6c434c0e5dba42e3eb42e0
The Stranger sighs, as he looks around. His eyes flame up, he inhales deeply and climbs on a chair. With a raised voice he speaks:
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“When did we lose our heart?
We lost our heart collectively.
Did we lose it, when we were still cavemen? When we had to survive the cold winters of the ice age? When we hunted down the last Homo Neanderthalensis? Or later on, when the first tribes waged war against each other? Did we lose our heart, when we enslaved each other? Did we lose our hearts, when we dropped atom bombs, or when we caused our first mass extinctions...The crimes, that Humans do in wars... All of us carry the sins of our forefathers on our shoulders.
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We lost our hearts individually.
For the person it starts pretty early in their childhood. We lose our trust, when we are lied to. Almost everyone tastes the pain of Betrayal at least once in life. We are deeply wounded from childhood on. We learn early on, that humans hurt us and thus we become suspicious of humans. We learn not to trust each other. Because we are afraid of being hurt again. And so we close off our heart to protect it.
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What is the heart?
I am not talking about the physical organ. I talk about this part in your 'soul', if I may call it that. It's like the core of our 'soul', of our 'astral body'. The centre of our 'energy' or chakras. We are afraid to open it, because it's very vulnerable. That's why we protect it. We are afraid to open it, because we don't trust each other.
But unless your heart is open, you can never experience unconditional love. Its flame must be activated.
The heart is your connection to everything. The heart is what connects you to 'source', if that's the word, you'd like to use. The heart is from where our love flows.
We have cut off the connection and became separated from the ALL. We made love conditional. We split hating from loving, dislike from like and created duality. We became attached. We let ourselves be corrupted by the Ego.
Now that we have closed the heart, what have we done to the world?
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We turned the world into a place, that almost no one likes. We created a society, that keeps us in narrow boxes. We made the world a lonely place, for everyone to be in. Even in groups, we often feel lonely. We allowed money to rule over us. We allowed ideologies to split us and dogmas to control us.
We have so many different issues, that we just can't seem to overcome. Climate change. Wars. Corrupt politicians. Poverty. Starvation. Meaninglessness. Nihilism.
Where should we start with all that mess?
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With ourselves. That is the place, where the transformation needs to start. We need to evolve. One person at a time. Only then, can the collective transform as well.
We need to open the mind and the heart. To see and to feel. To be aware and to love. We need to find harmony within ourselves. End the inner conflict and find peace within.
Find your own truest path.
Let go of any limiting beliefs. Let go of any attachments. Forgive whoever needs forgiveness and apologize to clear your regrets. Find Love.
Find your light within. See your light in all people. Love your enemies.
Recognize the Ego, be aware of what makes it grow. Become aware of any negative thought patterns. Be disciplined.
Clear your own shadows. Face your Trauma. Heal your inner child.
Get free from all bodily addictions. Be free of fear. Be free of suffering.
See the beauty of all things. Find joy in every moment.
Surrender yourself. Follow the heart. Be proud and courageous. Accept your life and your story. Embrace your story, without being attached to it.
Find your purpose. End the Seeking.
Be your authentic Self. Express Love through your character.
Become Love.
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This is a possible path. And I just gave you the map. It can be walked. It was walked before. But it is a path into unknown territory. Only the bravest of you can walk this path. It's not for the faintest of heart.
You see, you all either follow the path of the left and go westwards or you follow the path on the right and go eastwards... But no matter how far you go, you'll always end up at the crossroads again. You never make any real progress.
What if there is another path? What if there's another way? What if I say, 'let us go north?!'”
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Some of the crowd are in shock. Some are laughing. Others are mumbling.
“You can't walk north,” says a crow from the projectors. “It's impossible.”
“Everyone knows, that the northern road is a dead-end,” says an awakened Caterpillar. “It's a waste of time going up there. You can't go further, than the volcano.”
https://preview.redd.it/unxwjos8bt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3a39000508c04db0ea2e8b8c73af3b0484e893f5
A psychonaut horse laughs. “That will be fun. Can't wait to see their disappointed faces, when they walk all the way back down.”
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The Stranger continues undeterred:
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“Why are you walking the spiritual path?
You felt called to do it, didn't you? You felt something within you. Something made click. You understood, that there is a deeper truth, that you must find. There was this deep longing within you. So you started walking.
What were the first things, that you were seeking?
You were seeking answers.
What were your first questions? You were asking, 'What is my purpose?' You were asking 'Why am I here'?
And you have searched in so many places. But no matter which answer you got, you were never fully satisfied. Because it wasn't your answer. Because it was someone else's answer.
So you stopped seeking. Either you were content with some unfulfilling answers or you just simply gave up. When did you stop finding your own answers?
Dogma or tradition give us easy answers. When we are attached to them, when we build an identity around them, we become unable to find our own answers. But you can't end Seeking with someone elses answers. Only when you have claimed the answer for yourself, can the Seeker transform into something different. Into something new.
Just ending the Seeker, like cutting off a limb, won't do it. The Seeker needs to find their answer to the question 'What is my purpose?' Not one, they read from textbooks. Not an answer, that someone else can give them. When ONE has found their own unique purpose in life, then instead of 'seeking', there is only 'expressing'.”
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“I see that you are advanced,” speaks an enlightened owl. “However you are blinded by idealism. When you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you.”
https://preview.redd.it/wzo56e2bbt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf49158aa39d115cfe22cd60a4b5c1502d11e246
“My friend,” says the Stranger. “I have not only stared into the abyss, I went to hell and back again to find my answer.”
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Everyone falls silent, the Stranger continues:
“It was always here on earth. Heaven. It was always within us. Take a look around you. There is beauty in all things. If you search for it, you can find joy in every moment. Look for love in the world and you shall find love everywhere. Meet Life with gratitude and wonder. Face your experience, like an adventurer faces his challenge. Express unconditional love through your very being. Because this is how we heal Humanities greatest wound: The scar of nihilism.
It has all become so meaningless to us, hasn't it?
Memorizing knowledge at school or college, that you'll never need in real life. This feeling of being stuck in life. Day to day, going to a dead-end job for minimum wage. Living an unfulfilled life. The shattering of broken dreams. The tears of our suffering.
You know, why everything has become so meaningless?
We let our hearts get cold. After falling, we stopped getting back up again. We stopped facing our challenges.
You see, after every defeat, Humanity always got back up again. No matter how tough the challenge may seemed, Humanity never gave up.
We have forgotten, who we are.
All of us are Humanity. You, Me, everyone. We are all humanity. You, the individual human are HUMANITY. You are the Rest of mankind. Because we are all the same in our essence. When you open your heart, then this is your name: 'HUMANITY'
Because you see yourself in every other human. This is the name of the divine spark that sits within all of us. It is the fire, that burns in our eyes. This is Humanity: An archetype of victory and an idea of unity.
Let me ask you a very direct question. If we all came together to do our part, do you think that we could actually clean up the mess we have created? Do you think we have a chance of not only to survive but even to evolve as a species? And perhaps write even greater stories, than ever before?”
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The entire crowd is silent. Most of them avoid eye contact. People start mumbling.
Then the crowd slowly gets louder again and the conversations on each table, continue as if nothing ever happened.
As the Stranger steps down from the chair, a monkey gets up from one of the tables, points his finger and screams:
“Look guys, this dude has ketchup on his outfit.”
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While the crowd laughs at him, the Stranger goes to the bar and orders two beer. While he waits, he rubs off the ketchup stain from his clothes with his fingernails.
People are looking at him and the Seeker. The Seeker can't bear standing next to the Stranger and leaves the tavern. The Stranger pays for two beers. 140 Pesos. He then follows the Seeker outside.
https://preview.redd.it/e6z1vs8dbt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=87abe2474b38b4db1520beec2fc576fa2f8aead4
“Wanna go already?” asks the Stranger while sipping from his beer.
“Those guys hate you now,” sighs the Seeker.
“Who cares?” shrugs the Stranger, while gulping down the beer in a single go.
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A couple of animals exit the bar. All the animals, that had no place to fit in. All the animals that didn't belong. A rabbit, a cat, a goldfish, a squirrel, a bear, a fox, a goat, a pigeon, an eagle, a chicken in an alien costume and a dog.
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“I will also follow my destiny,” speaks the eagle with determination. His heart is also activated.
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https://preview.redd.it/e7mfutlebt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=54b88c6a4710f71cabdd77897773f51be8b247ec
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“Alright,” says a bear with burning eyes. “Let's try going north... Perhaps this is how we'll finally get to Axis Mundi.”
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“Going north... that sounds fun,” says the smiling fox. “Let's see how far, we'll come.”
https://preview.redd.it/4ewd3xegbt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b37bff14424cd6f0f95cd988c32595de8f3f454
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“We are all gonna die anyway,” sighs the pessimistic goat.
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“I never tried going north before,” contemplates the curious pigeon.
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“10 bucks, that I am first at the top of the volcano,” bets the black cat, while looking at her claws.
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“Deal,” agrees the dog, while hunting his own tail.
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The rabbit thinks about the taste of carrots. She is hungry.
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The squirrel is simply happy and excited for the new adventure. She can't stop dancing.
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The goldfish has no idea, what he's actually doing. He just rolls around in a plastic bag.
https://preview.redd.it/tl493tdibt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c8c3a131d0e3dab7174ef2bc7b7ea0b5d26ba1aa
“I... I will also walk my path,” speaks up the brave chicken in an alien costume. For the first time, the chickens eyes start burning.
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Together, the new group of friends are traveling the northern road. Towards the volcano. As the sunset illuminates their backs, the animals start singing a new song. A song of excitement, of wonder and of bravery. A song, that goes something like: “We have found a way.”
https://preview.redd.it/kxv5lc2kbt0d1.jpg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7066bbeff6bd269542a87c52a66b953209fbd023
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TO BE CONTINUED
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^{for more content visit:} We_Are_Humanity
^{Find previous part Here}
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cg7yqg/what_it_means_to_walk_togethe
^{Find next part Here:}
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START JOURNEY HERE: https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/17zwf78/the_seeker_and_the_mysterious_stranger_part_1_of_7/
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Checkpoint 4
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cbhoml/turning_shit_into_gold/
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Special Bonus Chapters:
THE ONE TRUE SEEKER AND THE QUESTION OF FREE WILL
https://www.reddit.com/We_Are_Humanity/comments/1cnaanw/special_bonus_chapter_the_one_true_seeker_and_the/

Most people who have long hair, like myself, aren’t exactly fond of hair salons because they will just chop up our hair and ruin years of progress. As my hair is getting longer, I need to add some layers because my hair is very heavy and I do like having some volume (it’s also curly). Does my requests sound too high maintenance? For context, i’m also getting a curly cut, which is when they cut it dry.
• I do not want them cutting the bottom layer of my hair AT ALL. I got the bottom of my hair trimmed 2 months ago and it’s perfectly healthy. • I want to keep the majority of the density on my bottom layer ( I don’t want them cutting so many layers into my hair that it feels less dense) • I only want a few layers on the middle to top portion of my hair for added volume • Add a few strands of face framing pieces
I know there’s some hair dressers in this sub, and I’m wondering if I sound like a pain in the ass. I don’t want to be too high maintenance with my requests, I just don’t want them cutting off my progress. I also got sick a few years ago and the majority of my hair fell out, which is why I feel so strongly about this.

I started out planning on just building a NAS to run Jellyfin or Plex but as I kept looking into things and remembering some things I realized what I wanted was more akin to a homelab setup. I figured this would be the best place to come for help.
Things I want to accomplish (eventually) with my homelab/network setup:

• Media Storage/Streaming server (Jellyfin or Plex)
• Network Level Ad Blocking (Pi-hole or AdGuard)
• Network Level Firewall (pfSense or OPNsense)
• Local "Cloud" backup (Nextcloud or similar)
• Remote "Workstation" (offload some workloads from my laptop)
• Other common things I'm forgetting to mention or will learn about (DHCP, DNS, VPN, downloads, etc)

Will be located in an armoire (no rack mounting) in my bedroom so noise and heat are major considerations. The armoire's doors will be left cracked open to allow for airflow while keeping pets out (might cut holes in back and/or attach case fans if it gets too hot. I generally run hot so I have fan running almost year round to give example of acceptable noise threshold.
Another note, there would only be a max number 3 +/- 1 users at a time and plan on storing media at high quality (4K, high bit rate, etc) with lossless compression, preferring FOSS codecs like FLAC and AV1.
While my ISP sucks and has a local monopoly and provides sub gig speeds over copper coax, the network gear I already have and will include already has 2.5 Gb RJ45 ports so that's the minnimum connection speed I want to maintain.

• Modem: 1*coax in 1*2.5 Gbps RJ45 out
• erro Pro 6E RouteAccess Point: 1*2.5 Gbps RJ45 1*1 Gbps RJ45
• Brother Wi-fi Printer: Wifi and USB connectivity only (want to figure out how to network it via the USB if possible and turn off the wi-fi connection)

Things I need to get:

• UPS
  • Looking at CyberPower Mini Tower UPS systems but I don't know how to size it and what features I require. Live in Minnesota, USA with Xcel Energy so power is generaly pretty stable with the ocassional black/brown out that lasts no more than a minute or two to just annoy the microwave/oven clocks and my PS5. A storm will occasionally knock out power for a longer period of time in which case I'd like the homelab to power down before the UPS runs out of power. Just need the homelab, switch, modem, and routeaccess point to run on battery for those occasional short power outages. Would also like to have the coax surge protection also.
• Switch Netgate 4200?2
  • Birds, 1 Stone? This is essentially a 2.5 gig (managed?) switch that is also a hardware firewall, right?
  • I read that its better to run the firewall on dedicated hardware instead of in a VM (not clear on why) and since if I'm correct that this is essentially a managed switch it's more or less in line price wise with 2.5 gig managed switches and if I'm wrong unmanaged 2.5 gig switches are $100+ and building a dedicated pc for the firewall would cost about as much.
• OS Unraid Lifetime License
  • Started out planning on using Fedora Server because I run Fedora on my Framework 16 and have become quite comfortable with it and Fedora is officially supported by Pi-hole. Also considered TrueNAS because I'm a fan of the FOSS philosophy but Unraid looks very polished and can implement what I want to do fairly easily.
  • How well has Unraid been at honoring the perpetual licenses? Any drawbacks with deciding on going with Unraid?
• Case Silverstone CS382
  • Like that it has plenty of room for expansion with robust I/O offerings including a slim ODD slot and a 5.25" bay allowing for easy media ingest and creation.
  • An all metal case shouldn't be signifintly louder than any other case (save for something like a be quiet! case), correct?
• CPU AMD Ryzen 7 8700G
  • Going to wait until after any Computex announcements before settling on a CPU
  • Is 8 cores, 16 threads adequate for my use case
  • iGPU is capable of AV1 encoding and decoding
  • AMD has significantly lower TDPs than Intel
  • This only supports PCIE 4.0 while others support 5.0. I read that correctly, right?
• Motherboard Gigabyte B650M Aorus Elite AX
  • Going to wait until after any Computex announcements before settling on a motherboard
• Cooling
  • CPU Cooler be quiet! Dark Rock Pro 5
    • Vastly overkill means easier and quieter cooling while ensuring greater build compatibility in the future
  • Case Fans
    • Add and/or upgrade to be quiet! and/or Noctua case fans
• Memory DDR5
  • Should I look for DDR5 ECC memory?
  • How much should I get?
• Storage
  • USB Boot Drive
    • Since Unraid runs entirely in RAM, does the USB speed have a major effect on performance? If not I'll probably get an adapter to run it off an internal USB 2.0 header to avoid an accidental removal.
  • NVMe Cache
    • How much should I get?
    • Should the cache be mirrored, stripped, or pooled?
    • The motherboard I'm looking at has 2 M.2 slots; one is PCIe 5.0 x4/2 and the other is PCIe 4.0 x4/2. How does mixing and matching PCIe speeds and number of lanes effect caching?
  • HDDs Seagate IronWolf Pro
    • Drives will be 12 TB or larger for helium drive design
    • Starting with a 3 drive array with 1 drive as parity. How easy/safe/fast is Unraid when it comes to adding drives to an existing array or increasing parity?
    • After how many drives should I add a 2nd parity drive?
    • HDDs will be primarily reserved for read only data (i.e. media library)
  • SATA SSD Team Group Vulcan Z SATA SSD 2 TB
    • 2 drives, will be primarily used for frequently updated data (i.e "cloud" services and data back-ups)
    • Would these be included in the HDDs' parity array?
• Add-in Cards
  • GPU Gigabyte Radeon RX 7600 XT Gaming OC 16G
    • Going to wait until after any Computex announcements before settling on a GPU and/or future upgrade if I go with a CPU with integrated graphics
    • 2x the VRAM of my laptop's GPU
    • AV1 and will be able to utilize AMD's Smart Technologies like SmartAccess Video with an AMD iGPU
    • Would performance take a major hit since it would only be running on a PCIe 4.0 x8 connection?
  • SATA add-in card
• PSU be quiet! Dark Power 13 850W
  • Should be large enough
  • 80+ Titanium rated and Cybernetics Titanium and A++ efficiency and sound ratings so it will run cool and quiet
• Accessories and Miscellaneous

Answers and feed back are very much appreciated.
I know this build will end up being expensive so I plan on buying the components piecemeal over time with the core components (CPU, motherboard, GPU) being the last components to acquire since they are the parts that see the most frequent generational improvements.
Thanks again for looking through my massive post and taking the time to respond.

TLDR: Boss implied I'll be denied my ladder promotion that's supposed to happen in 2.5 months. Do I have time to improve and convince her to give me the promotion?
My position is a fully remote 13/14 ladder and my 1-year will be on July 31. Knowing I will be out of the country on vacation in June-July, I decided to ask my boss in my one-on-one today whether I was on track and meeting her expectations for my promotion.
She claims she hasn't made a decision yet, but says that while my performance and work product are really good, my interpersonal and relationship-building skills are not where she'd expect for a 14. From the outside, I'd agree with her - I've had issues with two different people - but neither are my fault, and I think it's unfair for her to pin them on me and hinge my promotion on them. She also said that she could give the promotion to me any time after the 1-year mark, which sounds like she has already decided not to give it to me in July.
One of the people I have an issue with is someone on my team. He is supposed to be my supervisor's deputy, but she doesn't really trust him. He is a 14, but this is a promotion for him so he's new to the grade as well as the agency. I'd say he's had a rough start in that I was filling in on his duties before he was hired, and once he was hired I handed off everything to him, much of it via email, and he usually came back and would ask me "where's this thing?" and EVERY TIME it turned out I'd emailed it to him long ago. But his basic organizational/work skills are so horrible he can't keep track of stuff (or use the search function in Outlook?). He also pushes some of his work to me, even though he can definitely do it himself. He keeps making the excuse that "I have other things I'm responsible for" and so that's why he asks me for help, even though there have been times when I haven't been able to help him and he's said, "Ok, I'll go get the info from our supervisor." His work quality and work ethic is also terrible - 3 of us were supposed to re-write a ton of stuff and the work was split evenly and very easy to do, but he took forever and a day to turn in his part, and what he turned in was shit quality, so my coworker had to re-write it again (I wasn't available to help bc I was in training that day). All of that is very aggravating, but he doesn't seem to think so. He also uses his personal life as an excuse for not doing his work (e.g. "Oh, the cops were called again because of the kids.") He lives with his gf and her two teenage kids who are pretty much juvenile delinquents. They've hit him and stolen from him to the point he's put cameras in every room in the house, but he still stays with their mom. He's definitely dysfunctional.
The other person I had an incident with was on another team. I needed to meet with him in order to write an article, and he kept giving me strange time windows for our meeting, like 5-6pm when I was already off work, or asked to meet when I had a meeting bc he hadn't looked at my calendar to see if I was actually available. The meeting probably would've taken 15-20 minutes, but he refused to meet with me and dragged things out for 2-3 weeks. I finally got him on the phone and then he got upset at me and hung up. But my boss says this is my fault for some reason?
Given the short amount of time between now and July, is there any way I can show an improvement and convince my supervisor that I deserve the promotion? I know that my work product is good because I get compliments often, and I think that should be enough. I can continue working on the interpersonal skills even after I get the promotion.
As a back-up, I've continued to apply for other federal jobs, and this week I had an interview with a different agency. Though the job seems exciting and I'd probably enjoy it much more than my current job, it's still a 13 with no promotion potential and I'd have to come in 2x/week, which makes it less attractive to me. Being fully remote, I had plans of moving back to CA next year with my 14 salary and finally being able to afford to live there. I've also had a screening interview with NREL (in Colorado), but they already told me they wouldn't be able to match a 14 salary, even though that was in the salary range on the job ad.

I can’t feel a thing but I feel everything. I don’t feel real but my whole body feels like it’s about to explode. One minute im healing and the next minute im hurting. And it sounds so odd, but im starting to find comfort in the sadness and the solitude.
I don’t know who I am anymore. A side of me feels so empty and another feels so intense. And I just keep switching between those two every day.
I don’t know when this started, But it hasn’t really stopped since. I’ve been so angry and empty for as long as I can remember.

Hi Everyone! I posted this on Colognes but figured I’d share here, too.
I’ve always loved good smelling stuff and for the last 15 years I’ve usually had one bottle of cologne, and would replace once it’s out. Only in the last few months have I really delved into this world and began filling out a modest collection. I’m definitely not an expert (so take my reviews with a big grain of salt) but I love smelling and writing so here ya go. (Fucking wall of text incoming lmao, I didn’t realize how lengthy this got)
I just got back from a three-hour mall trip to try and get my nose on as many niche fragrances as my senses would tolerate. I had already done a good bit of research so I had some picked out to try and others already crossed-off. Im a 30M for reference.
I also had the goal in mind to find a contender for a fall/winter scent that exudes class, sophistication and decadence. For that, I’ve already tried a few that I really enjoy, and kind of used these as a springboard to continue exploring:
Xerjoff Alexandria II- This is what I envision royalty wearing. Lavender and rosewood mix soooo nice in the open, and dries into a lovey rose/vanilla/essence of oud. The oud is really toned down here for those that dislike it. It’s kind of hard to pick out. Nuclear performance.
Initio Oud for Greatness- Another good starter oud, you could say (this was my introduction to oud). It lasts forever and the dry down is seriously heavenly. The wet, soily oud is at the forefront for 2-4 hours, but I’m absolutely in love with what’s left when it disappears. Lavender, saffron, nutmeg and musk mixes into the best dryer-sheet-like scent I’ve come across (what it reminds ME of at least).
Perfums de Marly Haltane- Quite similar in the opening to Oud for Greatness. Haltane is darker, though, where I get more leathesmoke. I think the oud in this is more subdued, or at least less moist smelling. It blends well and lasts a good while.
Initio Atomic Rose- Holy shit. Apparently rose gets my motor GOING. I tried a lot of rose-centric fragrances today, but this probably still takes the cake for its balance and strength, in addition to the scent itself being just gorgeous.
So with those in mind I was off to Neiman Marcus. I sampled a large amount more than what I’ve written, but stuck to the ones that were memorable; good or bad.
Frederic Malle - Portrait of a Lady- My favorite of the Frederic Malle. Sensual rose/clove/currant at the front, but it is kind of hard to pick out specific notes on this one. After looking, I can get the cinnamon in the background of the dry down, it blends perfectly with the sandalwood, rose and benzoin after drying down. - Carnal Flower- Some similarity to POAL, lots of tuberose and jasmine, which I personally like. A bright yet sensual floral, and you get some coconut and melon there, too. I typically dislike coconut but this is blended masterfully. - Lipstick Rose- Yeah, that’s what it smells like. Try this if you’ve seen people describe scents as lipstick-y or violet taking on that accord. Not my cup of tea, also leans more feminine to my nose than the other two. - Musc Ravageur- I really wanted to like this one. And for a split second I did! A clove-y vanilla sasparilla is what I first got, and it unfortunately turned into barnyard urine. I immediately remembered seeing some reviews stating this, and I couldn’t get my nose to move past it. I can tell there’s good stuff there, but not for me.
Amouage - Reflection- The only one I’d tried before, and remains one of my favs. Rosemary and pink pepper greet you with a deep, fresh spice. The vetiver and patchouli sit nicely at the bottom, and the combination of white florals mixes wonderfully. Another scent I could imagine on royalty, and seems pretty versatile, too. You could wear this year-round without feeling out of place. Insane staying power. - Lyric- Probably my favorite, but I need to smell again on another day. Compared to the other Amouage, I had to continually stick my nose in the coffe beans to pick up the scent from the test strip. When I did get it, it was a lovely light, fresh scent. Quite a departure from the other Amouage I’ve tried, but great. No surprise, the list of notes are some of my favorites: lime, bergamot, rose, orange blossom, saffron, nutmeg, musk, pine, vanilla, incense, sandalwood. Seriously, love each and all those individually and they come together beautifully. - Interlude- Another good one. Dark, mysterious. Definitely get the oregano/peppepatchouli/incense bomb off the top. Leather lurking behind. I typically don’t gravitate toward the leathery scents but this one’s good. - Enclave- This pretty much seals the deal for me that on me, mint just ain’t it. I liked Sedley at first, but the mint somehow gets too cloying to my nose after too long. I can tell I would get the same from the peppermint in the opening of Enclave. I almost liked this one, too. If you can even tolerate peppermint, you’ll enjoy this one.
Mind Games - Blockade- Wowww. First sniff love, here. Explosion of citrus, juicy fruit-y sex. I usually find myself staying away from citrus-forward scents but this shit is next level. This will be a contender for my next upscale summer buy. - Double Attack- Another love at first sniff. It’s familiar, though. Chocolate/orange/cinnamon/vanilla. You’ll want to eat it right up. I already have this box checked in my collection, but may come back to it in the future. - Checkmate- Another lovely scent. Champagne, red currant, rose, magnolia, little patchouli. It all comes together really nicely, and it was difficult for me to pick out specific notes before looking. Not a love, but I was really impressed with the quality and scent profile of the Mind Games I tried.
Clive Christian - Town & Country- Wow. No seriously, like fucking wow. Smells like an Italian fruit cart strolling through an English manor’s sprawling garden road. I look at the notes and I don’t understand how you get this smell supposedly out of Clary Sage, Ambergris, and Sandalwood. Like, what? This is high quality shit. I get some pear or grapes there, too. Try this. - Crab Apple Blossom- Yum yum yum this is goooood. Smells like it sounds. Bergamot, apple blossom and rhubarb dance around playfully together. Can’t help but have a big stupid smile on your face when you smell this. The more it dried down, the more it might be my favorite over Town & Country. - Matsukita- Another great scent. In the same vein as the other two since they are part of the same “Crown Collection.” You get some smokiness, here. Bergamot with nutmeg and mate give depth and a little mystery. White florals, woody ambers and musk at the base. Just quality stuff here. All three of these in the Crown Collection were available in 10ml travel size gift pack for $300. Good idea to put on my wish list. That shit is kiiiinda expensive.
Xerjoff - Erba Pura- I did not expect to like this as much as I did! Favorite that I sampled. Perfect combination of citrus and fruitiness off the top, layered over a bed of sweet musk. Something here is very familiar to my nose but I couldn’t place it. This will be another top contender for a future upscale summer purchase. - Accento- Soothing scent. Fruity white floral (usually dumb reach for me), and the iris gives it some powder but not overpowering. Not as feminine-leaning as I would have expected. - Iommi- Delicious! Sweet smoky rum off the top, and it’s a little surprising how forward the patchouli and leather is in this. It’s bordering on being a little overpowering, but it tames a bit on the dry down. I’d need to see how this goes on my skin, for sure. - Torino 21- Another one that I liked way more than expected. I’m going back and seeing mint listed as a top note here…I didn’t get that! And thank God since mint usually is a non-starter. Kind of an aquatic green to my nose. Again, just a lovely scent. - Naxos- Yeah ok this is good shit. I was expecting a sweet bomb, but this is definitely more restrained than what a lot of reviewers will have you believe. I’m a sucker for lavender and bergamot. Throw in honey and jasmine atop a bed of tobacco, vanilla and tonka bean? Yes please. - Erba Gold- Pretty good. To my nose more feminine than Erba Pura, likely due to the extra fruits in the middle. That combination of citruses, pear and melon is reminiscent of particular ladies’ scents.
Louis Vuitton - L’Immensité- Ohhhh yeahh. Relaxation in a bottle. My favorite besides maybe Fleur du Desert. This, Imagination and Météore all kind of dance to the same song, so to speak. More than one of these would be redundant, in my opinion. The quality speaks through each of these fragrances, though- really nice stuff. - Imagination- The name fits, as a lot of the notes here are almost fleeting like a word on the tip of your tongue. It’s a great, calming scent but it didn’t blow me away. Like I said, L’Immensité was the best of these and I don’t see the need to diversify within this collection. - Météore- Compared to L’Immensité, there’s a little more sweetness here. This leans closer to a shower gel-like scent in my opinion. Still great. - Fleur du Désert- This one started out reallly good. Honey and cinnamon into rose and orange blossom is an intriguing, sensual combination. Unfortunately, smelling it on my arm after a couple hours, the jasmine and honey turn into something my mind recognizes as an old lady scent. The POAL on my hand, by comparison, keeps mixing with my skin in a great pheromonic way. - Ombre Nomad- Disappointed with this one. I’m realizing I don’t gravitate toward darker scents like heavy oud, leather, incense. I can tell it’s put together really well and uses quality materials, but this isn’t one that was made for me.
All in all, my main take-aways include: Xerjoff scents living up to the name. I was definitely impressed with their offerings, and would have expected it to lean closer to overrated. Same with Mind Games. Really enjoyed everything I sampled from them, even if it wasn’t my cup of tea, I was impressed with the quality. Also, I need to get back and sample the rest of the Clive Christian house. I was absolutely blown away with what I tried.
A little bonus: I tried TF Noir de Noir, Extreme Noir, and Cafe Rose. Extreme Noir is excellent. A regal mix of saffron, nutmeg and cardamom on top of rose and white florals. Ahhhh, again, similar to what I imagine a king or king to smell like.
Cafe Rose is probably the second best rose-centric scent to my nose besides Atomic Rose. I’ll need to put those side by side.
Anyway, feel free to ask away if you’d like. I was bored and inspired so killed some time writing this out :)

Idk what to do y’all I’m just very disappointed in myself….. MCQS were difficult and FRQs were okay but I got screwed up from the time very hard. I had to guess a lot of questions and I missed like 2 parts in frq. I really prepared and did so much practice just for this to happen….. those of you going into an ap exam, understand that no matter the difficulty, time and stress will always make it more difficult than practice tests on collegeboard. Like when I heard 15 mins left on the 40th multiple choice, I froze and sat for a long time thinking during the easiest question, because stress got the better of me.
Good luck y’all with any AP tests left if there is any and y’all in form O

I had an abortion back in December, by taking the pills.
Ever since the abortion I have not stopped bleeding or blood clotting. After calling the hospital I was just turned away and told if my pregnancy tests are negative then nothing to worry about.
We are now in May, and I have had 2 ultra sounds and been in emergency same day care to just be given tranexamic acid and told to go home.
I feel weak, my breasts hurt constantly, my sex life is not the same due to the bleeding. I can’t go 1 day without wearing a tampon/sanitary pad. I am awaiting a minor procedure called a hysteroscopy where they insert a camera into your cervix to see what is happening. I’m so sad, miserable and feel like I am not being heard. I am angry, I wanted to keep the baby but it just wasn’t time and now long term my body has been working against me.
I just needed to rant on here, I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense. I am so tired and so fed up of not being heard!!!

I am 31F and have been dealing with this since at least high school. It’s been a long time.
I get these large red spots, usually marble sized, that are palpable and semi hard. There usually isn’t a head, but they are sometimes poppable with a little squeezing and hold blood and a whiteish pus. If they don’t pop, they will remain a hard lump for several weeks until disappearing and leaving behind a mark. Once they pop, I feel relief and they will scab and heal. They don’t leak or drain.
Most times they leave a purplish scar that lingers for a while. Usually, they are very tender and painful. They happen exclusively in my genital region.
I don’t do sweaty activities or wear restrictive clothing. I bathe regularly and use hibiclens. It doesn’t seem to make a difference. They occur whether I shave with a razor or trimmer or don’t shave at all.
Currently I have a spot that does not have a head or a large lump, but is distinctly swollen and red and is making it incredibly painful to sit and walk because it is directly between my butt cheeks. This might be a typical boil since it isn’t a ball under my skin?
Each time I have attempted to see a dermatologist for this, their appointments are booked out six months in advance and there are no lesions by the time of the appointment (of course).
They happen semi often, maybe a couple of times a month. I may have 1-4 painful lumps at once. It’s difficult to photograph because they typically just look like angry red lumps in my leg creases or butt.
I struggle so much to tell if these are persistently recurring boils, or some kind of acne or cysts or HS or folliculitis or what. I know a doctor will be my best bet on a definite diagnosis, but until I am able to catch an appointment when I happen to have lesions, does this sound like HS is a route I should learn more and ask my doctor about, or does this sound more like something I could manage at home/ OTC?
I appreciate your insight.

I'm turning 23 this year. I was diagnosed with "primary hyperthyroidism" when I was 17 but only found out last year that I had Graves disease all this time lol after seeing a doctor who wasn't an endo specialist wondering why my levels won't improve.
It's been almost 7 years for me and my levels only stabilized once in 2021. Then it went haywire. I've grown kind of desensitized to having Graves disease because I feel like its symptoms have been so normalized on me that I'm not sure what's "regular" anymore. My BPM is constantly high, and my hands are always shaky - not to mention the weather where I'm from has been getting worse in terms of heat, so my heat intolerance has been getting worse as well.
And then when you have a pre-existing mental illness... I feel kind of invalidated and get some kind of imposter syndrome whenever I see psychiatrists because I have to question whether my feelings stem from mental illness or from my Graves. Or both! (And then you get psychiatrists who blame it on the Graves and don't listen to your concerns whatsoever.)
Anyone else who has been long diagnosed feel the same? That it's been going so long that all of the symptoms have been become your new normal. (At least my period cycle has been getting better lately...) My mom kind of guilt trips me and asks me why my hyperthyroidism won't "go away" because I've been taking medication for so long. It's difficult to explain to her about all this.
I've recently been seeing my endocrinologist and she has been miles better than the doctor (who wasn't even a thyroid specialist!) I last saw, because there has been some improvements to my levels. I don't mind taking my medication for the long term but RAI has been brought up a few times before and doing that sounds scary.

Reddit Account: aelfin
Discord Tag: Bolt1219
Name and House: Dorian Hightower
Age: 80
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: Once tall and strong and proud -- a knight of renown -- the passage of time has seen fit to humble Dorian Hightower. The gold-brown hair of his youth has bleached to silver, his countenance marked by wrinkles. He wears his hair long, often unbound that it frames his features. His beard is neatly styled. Despite the betrayal of his body, Dorian's eyes remain sharp and quick, and his smile is that of a younger man.
Trait: Mastermind
Skill(s): Devious(e), Espionage(e), Assassin
Talent(s): Napping, Meandering, Gardening
Negative Trait(s): Sickly
Starting Title(s): Beacon of the South, Defender of Oldtown, Defender of the Citadel, Lord of Oldtown, Lord of the Hightower, Lord of the Port, Voice of Oldtown
Starting Location: Starting Event
Alternate Characters: n/a
Biogaphy Early Life
In 55BC, under a golden sun in the bustling city of Oldtown, Dorian Hightower was born the second son to Lord Leyton Hightower and his wife Leona Bulwer. His early childhood was marked by a sense of curiosity and an inherent noble pride that was expected of a Hightower; against a backdrop filled with the sounds of the bustling harbour, the smell of the sea, and the sight of a forest of sails coming and going. Oft he would watch the ships as they sailed away and wondered where they went
From a young age, Dorian showed a keen interest in learning and the world around him. His education was that expected of one of his lineage; lessons with the Maester were as important as that of his martial education. At just ten, he was sent to Highgarden to squire for House Gardener. There, amidst the vibrant gardens and rich traditions of the Reach, he learned the values of chivalry, honour, and the importance of duty. His time at Highgarden left a lasting impression on him, fostering a deep respect for the knightly traditions that would shape his later life -- which would make the later actions of the Tyrells sting all the more,
At one-and-seven, Dorian’s path took a scholarly turn. Sent to study at the Citadel, immersed in the halls of knowledge, he began forging his maester's chain, dedicating himself to the studies of copper for history, bronze for astronomy, and iron for warcraft. His mentors noted a sharp intellect and strategic mind, qualities that would serve him well in the years to come.
The Heir to the Hightower
In 35 BC, a marriage united Dorian with Leila Tarly, a match both strategic and affectionate. At the age of twnety Dorian became a father, welcoming his first child, Garlan, into the world. Over the years, the Hightower family grew with the births of Garmund, Delena, Owen, and Lynesse. Each child brought new joy and responsibility, shaping Dorian into a devoted father and a wise lord.
The Stranger visited the Hightowers in 20 BC, when Dorian's older brother, Leyton, the heir to the Hightower, was lost in a shipwreck while returning from a journey to Braavos. At five-and-twenty, Dorian was thrust into the role of heir, a position he had not anticipated. Embracing his new responsibilities with determination, he began learning the intricacies of rule, administration, and justice from his father. Living in Oldtown, the heart of the Faith of the Seven, also imparted a deep spiritual awareness in Dorian. The more he learned, the more he was put into positions of authority. Initially undertaking a role as his father's Steward, Dorian learned quickly that he was much too bored by numbers to be anything close to competent. He was better at dealing with people.
Through his dealings his network grew, and this network, he recognised, could be turned toward the flow of information. The ships he had watched as a boy carried trade, but they also carried words from half the world away. If he could find a way to hear those words before any else, he'd have an advantage -- not only in trade, but in politics as well. Setting to work, Dorian used his House's name to tour as often as he could, finding those in key places that would serve his ends for the right price.
Life and Trials
As the head of House Hightower, Dorian instilled in his family a profound sense of fairness and the importance of knightly traditions. He stressed the values of chivalry and gallantry, ensuring that these principles were deeply rooted in the Hightower legacy. His household became known for its adherence to these values, earning respect and admiration throughout the Reach.
He was an avid hunter, frequently organising grand hunting expeditions in the lands surrounding Oldtown. Not merely for sport, these hunts also served as opportunities to bond with his children and vassals. One notable hunt saw Dorian bring down a formidable stag, a feat that became legendary in his household.
Dorian’s daughter Delena married Harlan Tyrell after a secret tryst, a match that Dorian did not initially support but ultimately was forced to accept. His youngest daughter, Lynesse, found a husband in Willem Ryger. A man whom Dorian had mentored in the art of espionage, and who would later go on to prove the most succesful spymaster in the country.
Feasts at the Hightower were grand affairs, known throughout the Reach for their opulence and hospitality. Dorian believed in the power of communal gatherings, often using these occasions to strengthen alliances and resolve disputes. The harvest feast was a particularly notable event, drawing his vassals to Oldtown to celebrate the bounty of the land, and to reaffirm their loyalty to House Hightower.
From the Ashes:
Family life, however, was not without its hardships, and the Hightowers not immune to tragedy. The House faced a profound loss when Garlan, Dorian's eldest son, was killed on the Field of Fire, turned to ash by dragonfire. This tragedy left Garlan's young son, Gwayne, as Dorian's heir, a heavy burden for the grieving boy to bear at such a young age. By then Dorian was a man nearing his sixtieth decade, not young by any stretch, and so particularly attension was paid to Gwayne's education near to the exclusion of all else. A small army of learned men were brought in to cover every aspect that would eventually be required of him. Dorian hardly went anywhere without his grandson in tow. The Seven Kingdoms might have been united, but the dawn of this new age was eclipsed by Dorian's fears that he would pass before his heir was ready, and he had known many a House felled by the poorly equipped.
Dorian levied from Lord Hightower against House Costayne of having refused the call to rally at Oldtown, backed by the word of the High Septon. A host marched on Three Towers but was met with denial from Lord Costayne who eventually demanded a trial by combat. Gyles Gardener offered himself as champion, and for his victory was given rule over Three Towers, with the fallen lord’s kin being exiled to Essos. Aegon Targaryen was crowned in the Starry Sept upon their return.
In 8AC, a band of sellswords by the name of the Black Roses arrived in Oldtown, headed up by Harlon Costayne, offering cheap mercenaries for the city and protection for its trade. Dorian put to them a challenge, a trial by combat to determine if the Seven stood with the Roses. Pit against a knight of Oldtown, the Black Roses emerged the victorious party, and Dorian issued them leave to remain so long as they served the Reach and her interests.
25AC
Life is a loan, and eventually all men's accounts are settled in full. Having passed into his eightieth year, Dorian Hightower knows the end is nearing for him. Age wracks his body, though his mind remains sharp. He has prepared his grandson as best as he could have done, and all that remains is the wait until his last, content in the knowledge. For the first time in a decade, the Lord of the Hightower has descended from his perch and travels towards King's Landing.
Timeline:
55 BC - Birth of Dorian Hightower

• Born in Oldtown under a golden sun, second son to Lord Leyton Hightower and Leona Bulwer.
• Early childhood filled with curiosity and noble pride, amidst the bustling harbor and forest of sails.

45 BC - Dorian Sent to Highgarden

• At ten, Dorian begins to squire for House Gardener at Highgarden.
• Learns values of chivalry, honor, and duty which leave a lasting impression.

38 BC - Scholarly Pursuits at the Citadel

• At seventeen, Dorian studies at the Citadel.
• Forges his maester's chain with links of copper (history), bronze (astronomy), and iron (warcraft).

35 BC - Marriage to Leila Tarly

• Dorian marries Leila Tarly, a strategic and affectionate match.

35 BC - 30 BC - Birth of Children

• Garlan Hightower is born when Dorian is twenty.
• Followed by Garmund, Delena, Owen, and Lynesse over the next five years.

20 BC - Death of Leyton Hightower

• Dorian's older brother Leyton dies in a shipwreck, making Dorian the heir at twenty-five.
• Dorian starts learning rule, administration, and justice from his father, becoming his Steward.

15 BC - 10 BC - Expansion of Dorian's Network

• Dorian uses House Hightower's name and tours frequently to build a network for intelligence.

10 BC - Dorian Becomes Lord Hightower

• Dorian instills values of fairness and knightly traditions in his family.
• Known for organizing grand hunting expeditions and legendary feats.

5 BC - Marriage of Daughters

• Delena marries Harlan Tyrell after a secret tryst.
• Lynesse marries Willem Ryger, a man mentored by Dorian.

5 BC - 1 BC - Grand Feasts and Gatherings

• Feasts at the Hightower are renowned for their opulence and hospitality.
• The harvest feast draws vassals to Oldtown to celebrate and reaffirm loyalty.

0 AC - Tragedy at the Field of Fire

• Garlan, Dorian's eldest son, is killed in battle.
• Garlan's son, Gwayne, becomes Dorian's heir, leading to intense focus on his education.

5 AC - Conflict with House Costayne

• Dorian accuses House Costayne of refusing to rally at Oldtown.
• A host marches on Three Towers; Lord Costayne demands trial by combat.
• Gyles Gardener wins and takes rule over Three Towers.

8 AC - Arrival of the Black Roses

• The Black Roses, a sellsword company, arrives in Oldtown.
• Dorian issues them a trial by combat; they emerge victorious and are allowed to stay.

25 AC - Dorian Prepares for the End

• Travels to King's Landing for the first time in a decade, content with his preparations.

AC
Name and House: Gwayne Hightower
Age: 30
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: Gwayne stands the perfect example of the Hightower ideal; in him are the echoes of his father and his grandfather and the knightly traditions of the Hightower. He boasts hazel-hued eyes that are dominant green, alight with curiosity. His hair seems to shfit between a gold and a shade dark brown dependant on the light. Oft seen in the colours of his house; smoke greys cut with whites or greens.
Trait: Champion,
Skill(s): Swords, Andal Knight(e)
Talent(s): Hunting, Hawking, Harp
Negative Trait(s): n/a
Starting Title(s): Heir to the Hightower, Ser
Starting Location: Starting Event
Alternate Characters:n/a
Family Tree: https://www.familyecho.com/#view:SZ32K
Biography:
Born in 5BC, the firstborn son to Garlan Hightower, Gwayne was bathed in a viridescent light, anointed with the seven oils and named in the rainbow of light that filled the sept in the Hightower. This act alone is reserved for the heirs to the Hightower, a ceremony to mark them from birth as defenders of the Faith. His early life was a happy one, though he recalls little of the time. His mother and father were truly in love. Only two years later after his birth would his brother follow, and their two sisters after them. His grandfather's hall and hearth was filled with the laughter of children.
It was Garlan Hightower who held command of the Hightower host the fateful day that dragonfire swept across the Field of Fire, who perished there on the field, and whose bones were turned to ash and no longer able to be laid to rest. Gwayne was too young to grasp the reality of it, and before long his Grandfather had him learning with such intensity that he hardly had time to process the fact his father wasn't coming home.
Life turned into a steady routine of learning. His lessons consisted of how to act at court, his histories, his number and letters, and martial training in the yard. He would be woken before the dawn and not be permitted to bed until the sun had slipped away and night had fallen. Recklessly bold, oft he would attempt to climb the exterior of the Hightower and be scolded for the act if discovered.
His first true test at arms came when in the form of pirates. They had made their home in a cove and would strike out at ships fat and ripe with goods. Gwayne rode out with a small band of men, headed up by his uncle, Owen. For a week they scoured the coastline looking for signs of their quarry, and eventually, one night, sky unclouded and stars bright, they saw the fires. Come the dawn the charge of the Reachmen sent the pirates srambling for their weapons, and though they put up a fight, they were cut down to a man and their ships burned. Of those that surrendered, they would hang at the port in Oldtown as a stark reminder. For his bravery Gwayne was given their Valyrian Steel sword, Vigilance, upon his return.
He would seek out his glory in the lists after that, travelling the length of the Seven Kingdoms looking to make his name as a knight. Tourney followed tourney, but at each stop he remembered to paya visit to the local Sept and offer prayer. He lent a hand where he could. Sometimes he found friends, sometimes he found foe.
When the Orphans of the Fire descended on the Reach, Gwayne wished to march out and chase them down, but Dorian refused him -- and as well he did, for the chaos wrought by the Orphans might have claimed him, and Dorian was adamant that he would not lose another heir to fire. The inaction rankled at Gwayne, but he heeded his grandfather's words all the same.
Now, in 25AC, with Dorian ailing and a celebration called, Gwayne travels toward the event and prepares himself for what may come.
Timeline: 5 BC - Birth of Gwayne Hightower

• Born as the firstborn son to Garlan Hightower in the Hightower.
• Anointed with the seven oils and named in a ceremony reserved for heirs, marking him as a defender of the Faith.

3 BC - Birth of Gwayne's Brother

• Gwayne's brother is born, followed by two sisters, filling their grandfather's hall with children's laughter.

0 AC - Death of Garlan Hightower

• Gwayne's father, Garlan, perishes in the Field of Fire.
• Gwayne, too young to fully understand, is immersed in intense learning by his grandfather, Dorian Hightower.

1 AC - 15 AC - Intensive Education and Martial Training

• Gwayne's routine includes court etiquette, history, numbers, letters, and martial training.
• Known for his reckless boldness, he often attempts to climb the exterior of the Hightower.

15 AC - First Test of Arms Against Pirates

• Gwayne rides out with his uncle Owen and a small band of men to combat pirates.
• After a week, they locate and defeat the pirates, hanging the survivors in Oldtown.
• Gwayne is awarded the Valyrian Steel sword, Vigilance, for his bravery.

16 AC - 23 AC - Knighthood and Tournament Circuit

• Gwayne travels the Seven Kingdoms seeking glory in jousting tournaments.
• Pays visits to local Septs to offer prayers and help where needed, making friends and foes along the way.

20 AC - Orphans of the Fire Incident

• The Orphans of the Fire descend on the Reach.
• Gwayne wishes to march out but is restrained by Dorian, preventing potential harm.

25 AC - Current Events

• With Dorian ailing, Gwayne prepares for a celebration in King's Landing, aware of the responsibilities and challenges ahead.

Have you ever witnessed the first formation of life? I mean, I've seen my children, I was there for every step of the process if you know what I mean. Hah. But what I'm talking about is from beyond the beginning. The molten slag of a planet forming over millions or even billions of years into a habitable plane. Have you seen, from that very point, chemicals coalescing and reproducing? Amino acids and the forming proteins?
Well today, I found out, when you die in the crypts, you don't see a light in the end of a tunnel. You witness something truly beautiful and pointless.
I watched the birth of life from nothing. Short molecular protein chains. No cell walls, no encasing membranes. If DNA or genetic code of any kind was in their descendant's future, it wasn't present now. I watched it cling to the surface of rock, self-replication fueled by the warm free energy of a sun, millions of generations, hard work, decay, and new growth, only to be destroyed by a crashing wave. The weak hydrogen bonds were broken, as simple as that. The ancestor's hard work gone in a single blink-and-you-miss-it moment. Somehow I knew, wherever this was, that was all the life that planet would ever see until it was swallowed up by its star.
It was a quick fleeting spark. All the dramas and soap operas in the world could have taken place in a single raindrop. A unique potential, unlike any others, this planet's chosen ones, snuffed out before it could evolve to breathe its first breath. Rather grim isn't it? I don't know why I dreamt it, but there it was, a pointless creation followed by an equally pointless destruction. I guess it was a nice commercial break from the missing-arm-induced pain i was suffering. A wonderful hilucination, if a bit mocob.
Anyway, back to my unimaginable blood-curdling, mind-wrenching torture porn session. My eyes were closed a very long time, but when they did open, I was finally where I should be. Horizontal in a hospital bed, surrounded by trained surgeons. That said, it was on an alien world, and the surgeons were not trained in human biology. What's worse, they had no way to dull the pain.
Death would have been a blessing, unfortunately, the doctors were good, in spite of the unknown make, model, and engine size laying before them. 5 hours under an experimental knife, and I think an arc welder, is what it took to reattach my arm and fix my internal organ damage. 5 hours of poking and prodding and searing and stitching and pulling and zapping. All things considered, I am impressed it only took 5 hours. Ted's species was remarkable when it came to taking in new information and applying it in the real world. All their extra brains probably didn't hurt either.
If you remember, Ted's species came equipped with five extremity brains, and a central one. That's three for all three of his legs, two for both of his arms, and one in his central body. Ted would have had six individual minds within him before I found him dead in a ditch beside that interstellar sidewalk. By that point, only one, Ted, had survived.
After my, let's say, unique experience, I was left alone in a dark room to rest. Ted came by to visit. Oh yeah, he had a body now. He wore that "Tall, dark, and extraterrestrial" look well. He was easily 7 feet tall in his real body. Those Ted-fu moves should pack a real punch in a body like that.
"That reminds me. You wanted your fighting moves back, right?" My voice was terribly parched after my morning shouting sessions.
Shouting obscenities at medical proffesionals was about all I could do when Ted's doctors were busy inventing a new form of torture. Seriously, take notes. Good stuff in there.
"Keep them. That isn't going to be my concern here. It's hard to even walk now, let alone fight." He admitted. "I'm used to having secondary brains do all the work. I would only take over when the situation required. Now, I'm all I've got."
"Just another one of us handicap one-brainers," I taunted. "How does it feel to be on my level? Could you say you're just 'too single-minded?"
He laughed. I don't think I've ever heard Ted lower himself to laughing at one of my jokes. It wasn't even a good one. I know I could have come up with something better. Hold on. I- huh... well, I guess the moment has passed.
Instead, I teased him again. "so, you have a sense of humor after all."
"Always have. You just aren't funny." He shot back.
Then it was my turn to laugh at a bad joke.
"Bad idea!" I realized aloud. "Laughing hurts. Don't make me laugh."
There was an awkward silence before Ted finally spoke again. Our whole conversation was full of them.
"You're going back there aren't you?" He asked.
"I have to. I have a family somewhere, and I have to know if they're still alive. Something bad is happening on earth and I just want to be there to protect them."
"I don't think you ever will find out."
"Blunt and to the point today are ya?"
"Always have been. You just never listen. Im serious. I dont think you'll make it home."
There it was again, that quiet that kept creeping back up into our conversation.
"What if you run into Brad again?" He asked. "I won't be there to reboot your brain next time. You will either die or-"
"Don't tell me."
"Or you will suffer greatly, then die." He continued while checking his version of fingernails.
"I told you not to tell me. Now I can choose which option I like better."
"I'm being serious." He shot back at me. "You have no defenses against him."
"I know. I'm hoping he's dead. That's three shots from a Tedidian gun he has taken now."
Neither of us were convinced.
"Tedidian? That's the name you gave my species? I'm honored."
"I'm the first of my kind here, I get the naming privileges."
If our conversation took place over the radio, the host would be mortified. Not by the subject matter, no. The silence would be dubbed "dead air" and the host would desperately clamor for a new topic to keep the dialogue active and dynamic. We didn't have that luxury. I think Ted was sorry he couldn't have done more to help, but he would never admit it. I actually might miss him after all- Nah... Too stuck up his own butt to admit his shortcomings. I dont need a guy like that tagging along.
"Do you- mourn the loss of your secondary minds? Were they separate thinking entities?"
"I mourned their loss eons ago. I have moved on. Now I have to re-remember how to walk and talk and do math equations without them. I will be slower than my academic peers, but I have with me knowledge of the unknowable. That should make up for some of my deficiencies."
Eventually, Ted was ushered out. I needed the rest. The doctors here were good. They had managed to piece together this broken puzzle written with a completely different alphabet, and accelerated my healing a great deal. Not really a surprise, given they could build Ted a whole new body. I was back on my feet in a matter of 2 days, using my arm in 3, and back to 70% at 4. I dont think I'll ever make it back to 100%, but all things considered, this is pretty good.
It's hard to tell how long I have been away from earth, but given this trip was meant to last a very long time, I don't suspect I should miss my flight, so long as I find my portal. As long as I can find Eddy. So long as I can find all of them; Eddy, Rook, James, even Jyong and Me-Yan.
Ted's people had a similar arrangement to earth's at first. When Ted was an explorer, their portal was at the edge of the system, but they brought it down to their planet with rockets and parachutes after he and a few others never came back. The history was fascinating. They were a united planet, far and above the most advanced I have come across so far, but in spite of that, the portal slowly leeched off the planet, and spat out horrors beyond their imagination. What they once used as an interstellar fast travel, quickly turned into a speed bump, then a health hazard. There was a reason the builders set this portal so far away from the planet. It wasn't meant to be here, so Ted's people had to build a wall, with poor old lost Ted on the other side. They closely monitored the other side though, and were shocked to find the brain activity of a Tedidian coming from yours truly. That would be Ted's mind, shoulder to shoulder with mine, in my head if you weren't following along. Then they rescued me from Brad.
Speaking of, I asked around about Brad. Someone shot him, so that someone should know if he survived. I had to know if he would be waiting for me on the other side. Eventually, I asked the right person, who introduced me to my rescuer. He wore a white uniform and carried a big gun, even for Tedidian standards. I was kinda jealous. I like my pew pews, but these things were on another level.
He confidently told me that Brad was indeed "dead." I had Ted translate for me whenever I spoke to a native, but they were quickly learning on their own how to speak Sean-ese. That's the language I told them I speak. Might as well leave a lasting mark. That confidence, however, did not come from a place I liked.
"But did you actually see it dead?" I pressed.
"Nothing survives a plasma arc, even a graze, let alone two." He scoffed. Or I think he scoffed. There is no universal interplanetary sign that someone is scoffing at you. You just have to pick up on subtle undertones of pride, shock, or snood. Ted had lots of snood. Luckily, he broke the mold. The people here were as different as people are on earth. I just happened to get the most insufferable one imaginable. Just my luck.
"Then call this thing 'nobody,' because it survived one before." I suggested.
His eyes widened, glad to see that was an interplanetary sign of surprise. "Th-that isn't possible."
"Oh, but it is." Ted interjected
Oh good, that thing could be waiting for me for all I know. I never thought I'd be scared to be without a Ted in my head, but there I was, terrified. He was right. Without him, I had no defense.
We were walking back to Ted's place when I began replaying the past events in my head. My vision was something I couldn't shake. It was real. I felt like I was one of those chains of self-replicating chemicals. That's almost all they were, chemicals, but they had every marker required to classify life. They even responded to change in the environment. They were short-lived bonded protein chains that consumed, produced waste, even grew by self-replication and bonding.
"Hey Ted," I started. "I wanted to run something by you."
"I'm listening, but let's keep it under 280 characters. I'm not in the mood for a marathon today."
I rolled my eyes. "Glad to see you're back to your old self."
"My old self? I've been trying to get back to that, but every time I open my eyes, there you are."
"Look here Dane Cook, I saw something after the attack. It was on another planet. I think someone is trying to show me something."
"You were also close to Brad at the time, who we know can alter your perception."
"Maybe, but this felt different. The first time he affected my mind, he put me in a dreamlike state. Then he used something familiar to me to disguise himself. This was different. I wasn't me, I was this green amino-acid chain with no protective coating. All I could sense were chemicals, no light, no sound, but I knew what was happening too, like I was watching from the outside at the same time."
Ted learned how to roll his eyes just now from me, and mimicked the action to an exagerated end. "Don't think much about it. Many Tedidians see a light at the end of a tunnel when we are close to death. Perhaps this is just your version."
"Perhaps." One thing is certain, even if it scares me, I would be glad to be without Ted. I almost forgot how annoying he was after our little bonding session.
"But I have a question for you. Who is Dane Cook?"
"My planet's worst comedian. Thats not the point."
The day did come that I had to leave, and Ted, in his usual fashion, refused to say goodbye. Instead, all he would say is "I won't be far behind." Cryptic, right? Like, what is that supposed to mean?
At first, I thought "Great. And right after I thought I got rid of him." But then I thought about it. It would be an interesting cultural slang to say "we will meet again." Does Ted believe in an afterlife?does he think I'll wimp out and come back?
Pointless questions aside, there was some good news. He gave me a new gun. This one made an even bigger "kaboom!" It was really fun. Heh. Haha. Gimme-gimme.
I was happy to see Jim-Bob waiting for me at the portal. I hadn't seen him since I set off that sonic weapon. Their feet are so sensitive to vibrations and sound, that weapon really messed with them. The Tedidian doctors had their work cut out for them fixing 5 listening organs per Jim-Bobidian. Together, all 20 odd Jim-Bobs and I, stepped through the portal to the nightmare world.
Now that I was on this side of the portal, I could see that Brad was gone. Oh boy, what fun. You know what else? I held onto that old piece of alien tech that Ted had his brain shoved into. I thought it would make a neat souvenir. Wouldn't you believe it if as soon as the doors closed behind me, I heard that S.O.B's voice saying "So, where to next?"
Ted copied himself yet again into that stupid thing. Didn't take long to figure out what he meant by "I won't be far behind."
"What the hell, Ted?" I shouted.
"Surprised to hear my voice?" He asked?
"More pissed than surprised. I thought I finally got rid of you."
"Oh stop it, you are happy to see me, admit it."
"I thought you wanted to go home. What happened to me just being a pair of legs?"
"Ah yes, but there's a crucial difference between that Ted and this one. This one is artificial, and doesn't get lonely. I am merely a copy of a personality. That way, when you die, I won't get homesick."
"I smell bullshit," I said.
Surprisingly, he didn't make an astronauts and diapers joke. Instead, he said "Got me. I am an explorer, remember? Even if I was homesick, I still yearn for the other-worldly. My adventuring days are not yet over, and this way, I can never die, unlike someone I know."
"News flash, Ted, you did die, and give me that self-aggrandizing crap you pulled in the beginning, and I'm throwing your immortal ass down the throat of the next giant monster I find."
"My path will remain rectilinear, and true."
"Rectum what now? I thought you only knew words I used in front of you. I don't even know what you said."
"True, but now I have learned how your language works, thus am able to intuit new words. You cannot convince me that was not a word. Go- 'look it up' or whatever when you get back to Earth. It means 'I'll stay on the straight and narrow.'"
"Then why didn't you just say so? You're already teetering on the edge of being too annoying to keep around, buddy." I threatened, but I had to admit, a translator would be nice.
I have to say, the next leg of the journey went on without a hitch. The Jim-Bobs, Ted, and I were making good time. Find a monster, kill it, find a planet, explore it, find another monster, kill it too. I found so many new planets, although most were dead or never had life to begin with. The odd part was, Ted was sure he had visited some before, and interacted with the residents, but there was nothing but rock where I stood.

Have you ever witnessed the first formation of life? I mean, I've seen my children, I was there for every step of the process if you know what I mean. Hah. But what I'm talking about is from beyond the beginning. The molten slag of a planet forming over millions or even billions of years into a habitable plane. Have you seen, from that very point, chemicals coalescing and reproducing? Amino acids and the forming proteins?
Well today, I found out, when you die in the crypts, you don't see a light in the end of a tunnel. You witness something truly beautiful and pointless.
I watched the birth of life from nothing. Short molecular protein chains. No cell walls, no encasing membranes. If DNA or genetic code of any kind was in their descendant's future, it wasn't present now. I watched it cling to the surface of rock, self-replication fueled by the warm free energy of a sun, millions of generations, hard work, decay, and new growth, only to be destroyed by a crashing wave. The weak hydrogen bonds were broken, as simple as that. The ancestor's hard work gone in a single blink-and-you-miss-it moment. Somehow I knew, wherever this was, that was all the life that planet would ever see until it was swallowed up by its star.
It was a quick fleeting spark. All the dramas and soap operas in the world could have taken place in a single raindrop. A unique potential, unlike any others, this planet's chosen ones, snuffed out before it could evolve to breathe its first breath. Rather grim isn't it? I don't know why I dreamt it, but there it was, a pointless creation followed by an equally pointless destruction. I guess it was a nice commercial break from the missing-arm-induced pain i was suffering. A wonderful hilucination, if a bit mocob.
Anyway, back to my unimaginable blood-curdling, mind-wrenching torture porn session. My eyes were closed a very long time, but when they did open, I was finally where I should be. Horizontal in a hospital bed, surrounded by trained surgeons. That said, it was on an alien world, and the surgeons were not trained in human biology. What's worse, they had no way to dull the pain.
Death would have been a blessing, unfortunately, the doctors were good, in spite of the unknown make, model, and engine size laying before them. 5 hours under an experimental knife, and I think an arc welder, is what it took to reattach my arm and fix my internal organ damage. 5 hours of poking and prodding and searing and stitching and pulling and zapping. All things considered, I am impressed it only took 5 hours. Ted's species was remarkable when it came to taking in new information and applying it in the real world. All their extra brains probably didn't hurt either.
If you remember, Ted's species came equipped with five extremity brains, and a central one. That's three for all three of his legs, two for both of his arms, and one in his central body. Ted would have had six individual minds within him before I found him dead in a ditch beside that interstellar sidewalk. By that point, only one, Ted, had survived.
After my, let's say, unique experience, I was left alone in a dark room to rest. Ted came by to visit. Oh yeah, he had a body now. He wore that "Tall, dark, and extraterrestrial" look well. He was easily 7 feet tall in his real body. Those Ted-fu moves should pack a real punch in a body like that.
"That reminds me. You wanted your fighting moves back, right?" My voice was terribly parched after my morning shouting sessions.
Shouting obscenities at medical proffesionals was about all I could do when Ted's doctors were busy inventing a new form of torture. Seriously, take notes. Good stuff in there.
"Keep them. That isn't going to be my concern here. It's hard to even walk now, let alone fight." He admitted. "I'm used to having secondary brains do all the work. I would only take over when the situation required. Now, I'm all I've got."
"Just another one of us handicap one-brainers," I taunted. "How does it feel to be on my level? Could you say you're just 'too single-minded?"
He laughed. I don't think I've ever heard Ted lower himself to laughing at one of my jokes. It wasn't even a good one. I know I could have come up with something better. Hold on. I- huh... well, I guess the moment has passed.
Instead, I teased him again. "so, you have a sense of humor after all."
"Always have. You just aren't funny." He shot back.
Then it was my turn to laugh at a bad joke.
"Bad idea!" I realized aloud. "Laughing hurts. Don't make me laugh."
There was an awkward silence before Ted finally spoke again. Our whole conversation was full of them.
"You're going back there aren't you?" He asked.
"I have to. I have a family somewhere, and I have to know if they're still alive. Something bad is happening on earth and I just want to be there to protect them."
"I don't think you ever will find out."
"Blunt and to the point today are ya?"
"Always have been. You just never listen. Im serious. I dont think you'll make it home."
There it was again, that quiet that kept creeping back up into our conversation.
"What if you run into Brad again?" He asked. "I won't be there to reboot your brain next time. You will either die or-"
"Don't tell me."
"Or you will suffer greatly, then die." He continued while checking his version of fingernails.
"I told you not to tell me. Now I can choose which option I like better."
"I'm being serious." He shot back at me. "You have no defenses against him."
"I know. I'm hoping he's dead. That's three shots from a Tedidian gun he has taken now."
Neither of us were convinced.
"Tedidian? That's the name you gave my species? I'm honored."
"I'm the first of my kind here, I get the naming privileges."
If our conversation took place over the radio, the host would be mortified. Not by the subject matter, no. The silence would be dubbed "dead air" and the host would desperately clamor for a new topic to keep the dialogue active and dynamic. We didn't have that luxury. I think Ted was sorry he couldn't have done more to help, but he would never admit it. I actually might miss him after all- Nah... Too stuck up his own butt to admit his shortcomings. I dont need a guy like that tagging along.
"Do you- mourn the loss of your secondary minds? Were they separate thinking entities?"
"I mourned their loss eons ago. I have moved on. Now I have to re-remember how to walk and talk and do math equations without them. I will be slower than my academic peers, but I have with me knowledge of the unknowable. That should make up for some of my deficiencies."
Eventually, Ted was ushered out. I needed the rest. The doctors here were good. They had managed to piece together this broken puzzle written with a completely different alphabet, and accelerated my healing a great deal. Not really a surprise, given they could build Ted a whole new body. I was back on my feet in a matter of 2 days, using my arm in 3, and back to 70% at 4. I dont think I'll ever make it back to 100%, but all things considered, this is pretty good.
It's hard to tell how long I have been away from earth, but given this trip was meant to last a very long time, I don't suspect I should miss my flight, so long as I find my portal. As long as I can find Eddy. So long as I can find all of them; Eddy, Rook, James, even Jyong and Me-Yan.
Ted's people had a similar arrangement to earth's at first. When Ted was an explorer, their portal was at the edge of the system, but they brought it down to their planet with rockets and parachutes after he and a few others never came back. The history was fascinating. They were a united planet, far and above the most advanced I have come across so far, but in spite of that, the portal slowly leeched off the planet, and spat out horrors beyond their imagination. What they once used as an interstellar fast travel, quickly turned into a speed bump, then a health hazard. There was a reason the builders set this portal so far away from the planet. It wasn't meant to be here, so Ted's people had to build a wall, with poor old lost Ted on the other side. They closely monitored the other side though, and were shocked to find the brain activity of a Tedidian coming from yours truly. That would be Ted's mind, shoulder to shoulder with mine, in my head if you weren't following along. Then they rescued me from Brad.
Speaking of, I asked around about Brad. Someone shot him, so that someone should know if he survived. I had to know if he would be waiting for me on the other side. Eventually, I asked the right person, who introduced me to my rescuer. He wore a white uniform and carried a big gun, even for Tedidian standards. I was kinda jealous. I like my pew pews, but these things were on another level.
He confidently told me that Brad was indeed "dead." I had Ted translate for me whenever I spoke to a native, but they were quickly learning on their own how to speak Sean-ese. That's the language I told them I speak. Might as well leave a lasting mark. That confidence, however, did not come from a place I liked.
"But did you actually see it dead?" I pressed.
"Nothing survives a plasma arc, even a graze, let alone two." He scoffed. Or I think he scoffed. There is no universal interplanetary sign that someone is scoffing at you. You just have to pick up on subtle undertones of pride, shock, or snood. Ted had lots of snood. Luckily, he broke the mold. The people here were as different as people are on earth. I just happened to get the most insufferable one imaginable. Just my luck.
"Then call this thing 'nobody,' because it survived one before." I suggested.
His eyes widened, glad to see that was an interplanetary sign of surprise. "Th-that isn't possible."
"Oh, but it is." Ted interjected
Oh good, that thing could be waiting for me for all I know. I never thought I'd be scared to be without a Ted in my head, but there I was, terrified. He was right. Without him, I had no defense.
We were walking back to Ted's place when I began replaying the past events in my head. My vision was something I couldn't shake. It was real. I felt like I was one of those chains of self-replicating chemicals. That's almost all they were, chemicals, but they had every marker required to classify life. They even responded to change in the environment. They were short-lived bonded protein chains that consumed, produced waste, even grew by self-replication and bonding.
"Hey Ted," I started. "I wanted to run something by you."
"I'm listening, but let's keep it under 280 characters. I'm not in the mood for a marathon today."
I rolled my eyes. "Glad to see you're back to your old self."
"My old self? I've been trying to get back to that, but every time I open my eyes, there you are."
"Look here Dane Cook, I saw something after the attack. It was on another planet. I think someone is trying to show me something."
"You were also close to Brad at the time, who we know can alter your perception."
"Maybe, but this felt different. The first time he affected my mind, he put me in a dreamlike state. Then he used something familiar to me to disguise himself. This was different. I wasn't me, I was this green amino-acid chain with no protective coating. All I could sense were chemicals, no light, no sound, but I knew what was happening too, like I was watching from the outside at the same time."
Ted learned how to roll his eyes just now from me, and mimicked the action to an exagerated end. "Don't think much about it. Many Tedidians see a light at the end of a tunnel when we are close to death. Perhaps this is just your version."
"Perhaps." One thing is certain, even if it scares me, I would be glad to be without Ted. I almost forgot how annoying he was after our little bonding session.
"But I have a question for you. Who is Dane Cook?"
"My planet's worst comedian. Thats not the point."
The day did come that I had to leave, and Ted, in his usual fashion, refused to say goodbye. Instead, all he would say is "I won't be far behind." Cryptic, right? Like, what is that supposed to mean?
At first, I thought "Great. And right after I thought I got rid of him." But then I thought about it. It would be an interesting cultural slang to say "we will meet again." Does Ted believe in an afterlife?does he think I'll wimp out and come back?
Pointless questions aside, there was some good news. He gave me a new gun. This one made an even bigger "kaboom!" It was really fun. Heh. Haha. Gimme-gimme.
I was happy to see Jim-Bob waiting for me at the portal. I hadn't seen him since I set off that sonic weapon. Their feet are so sensitive to vibrations and sound, that weapon really messed with them. The Tedidian doctors had their work cut out for them fixing 5 listening organs per Jim-Bobidian. Together, all 20 odd Jim-Bobs and I, stepped through the portal to the nightmare world.
Now that I was on this side of the portal, I could see that Brad was gone. Oh boy, what fun. You know what else? I held onto that old piece of alien tech that Ted had his brain shoved into. I thought it would make a neat souvenir. Wouldn't you believe it if as soon as the doors closed behind me, I heard that S.O.B's voice saying "So, where to next?"
Ted copied himself yet again into that stupid thing. Didn't take long to figure out what he meant by "I won't be far behind."
"What the hell, Ted?" I shouted.
"Surprised to hear my voice?" He asked?
"More pissed than surprised. I thought I finally got rid of you."
"Oh stop it, you are happy to see me, admit it."
"I thought you wanted to go home. What happened to me just being a pair of legs?"
"Ah yes, but there's a crucial difference between that Ted and this one. This one is artificial, and doesn't get lonely. I am merely a copy of a personality. That way, when you die, I won't get homesick."
"I smell bullshit," I said.
Surprisingly, he didn't make an astronauts and diapers joke. Instead, he said "Got me. I am an explorer, remember? Even if I was homesick, I still yearn for the other-worldly. My adventuring days are not yet over, and this way, I can never die, unlike someone I know."
"News flash, Ted, you did die, and give me that self-aggrandizing crap you pulled in the beginning, and I'm throwing your immortal ass down the throat of the next giant monster I find."
"My path will remain rectilinear, and true."
"Rectum what now? I thought you only knew words I used in front of you. I don't even know what you said."
"True, but now I have learned how your language works, thus am able to intuit new words. You cannot convince me that was not a word. Go- 'look it up' or whatever when you get back to Earth. It means 'I'll stay on the straight and narrow.'"
"Then why didn't you just say so? You're already teetering on the edge of being too annoying to keep around, buddy." I threatened, but I had to admit, a translator would be nice.
I have to say, the next leg of the journey went on without a hitch. The Jim-Bobs, Ted, and I were making good time. Find a monster, kill it, find a planet, explore it, find another monster, kill it too. I found so many new planets, although most were dead or never had life to begin with. The odd part was, Ted was sure he had visited some before, and interacted with the residents, but there was nothing but rock where I stood.

This is gonna be a long and personal one. If you do read it, I appreciate it. I absolutely understand if you don’t though. With that all being said, I’m hoping Gabriel sees this.
I had my fourth call today with LM nearly two hours ago now (yes, it’s taken this long for or me to find the ‘right’ words). We went through more directions and not to give anything away, but I was surprised and confused a bit (may make another post with spoilers to ask here about it to see if anyone else has had the same happen to them, we’ll see). It was a nice distraction. I then tried to make an appointment. We talked of family for a moment. It was nice to remember something that I didn’t for a very, very long time.
As the call went on, my mind trailed to my father. (TW: Intense medical procedure). He’s currently in a hospital out of state still recovering from a double lung transplant he had a week ago. The first time I got to talk with him since the surgery happened was yesterday. It’s already been a long six year process. I didn’t realize just how long of a road it would still be until I heard my dad’s voice last night.
To further explain— I have a high functioning auditory memory. I am able to remember and recall the sounds and/or voices that I hear for long periods of time (which can sometimes be up to years in my case). Voices, music, etc. tend to mean a lot to me. So, I was shocked and a bit heartbroken when I realized that my dad didn’t sound or even process some things the same as he used to a week after the surgery. It’s my first time experiencing anything like this, so I was taken aback a bit.
I began to get anxious during the phone call while memories of him flooded in without warning and I didn’t want to ruin the rest of the experience. So, I tried to make something out of it. And I opened up. I remembered you can say if you’re having a psychological emergency. So, I let Gabriel know.
When explaining why I felt anxious, it was odd for me. Usually I’m very sure in how I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. It’s been a long road with my dad’s health. I wasn’t sure other than ‘anxious’ how to describe where I was at. Thank you for bearing through it and for your patience with me, Gabriel, if you do read this.
He took me through a few breaths, but then let me know that he couldn’t take me through the whole emergency process. He dropped his ‘customer service’ voice as he explained that we only had 30 seconds left of our call today. I told him ‘it’s okay’, with a slight waver in my voice that I poorly tried to hide. ‘It’s hard when someone you love.. starts to become different due to medical.. (TW: swearing) shit. I don’t know what else to say.’ ‘I appreciate you saying anything, honest. Thank you.’ The bell rang. I took my survey. I thanked him. The call ended.
His honesty, even when not knowing what to say, gave me more comfort than almost any other conversation I’ve had about my dad. It really, really is hard. And he recognized that.
I didn’t realize until the call was over that when I thanked him, I thanked him by another name. I do apologize, I truly didn’t mean to. I promise that I know your name. I sat with myself for a while wondering why I called him that specific name of all names. I would say why, but I feel as though I’ve already opened up a lot today.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for hearing me.
I wanted to talk about this moment in particular during my call today because I wanted to say that if there’s anyone reading this going through any similar or unrelated struggles— reach out. Doesn’t have to be to LM. Trust me when I say that I definitely didn’t plan on it being LM or Gabriel. It can be with a loved one or someone close. Doesn’t have to be someone close either. Just as long as you reach out to someone rather than hold on to whatever struggle you’re going through. It’s terrifying, yes. But you never know. You could really find comfort in an unexpected and unplanned conversation. I did.
Gabriel. Thank you. Until Next Time.