So this guy and I have been texting for about 6 months. He DM’ed me on Instagram and got my phone number, we’ve been talking ever since. He lives in a different state. Let’s call him Jay.
During this time period, we’ve had 3 phone calls and text practically every day. The conversations never really get too deep. We’ll talk about random things but never about past relationships, childhood, etc. Therefore, I never really thought he was interested in me romantically, because other men I’ve spoken to often make it clear that they want to pursue me romantically.
Sometimes one of us (Jay and I) would stop texting for 1-2 days at a time, mostly on weekends, which is really just to take a breather from things. This is perfectly normal since it can be a lot to text everyday, all day without breaks. He has asked me to talk on the phone more often, but the evening hours are usually my “me time” where I smoke after work and just relax. He’s also asked to FaceTime, but I told him I’d prefer phone calls.
A few months ago, in January, I traveled to Jay’s state as my uncle also lives there and had been diagnosed with cancer. I didn’t tell Jay that I was in his city until I was already there, because in all honestly there was a lot going on with my uncles health, a lot for me to deal with and I wasn’t exactly in the right headspace. I came there just to visit my uncle. Jay understood this, but I think he was still a bit disappointed we didn’t get a chance to meet. We continued texting since January, but replies were sometimes delayed on both sides (not just on weekends).
Around the end of March, I was again going through a difficult time with family health issues and a new diagnosis of cancer regarding my dog. I stopped texting Jay, and he texted me a week later asking what was going on. I told him that it didn’t seem like he wanted to talk to me, since he was often taking a day or so to reply back. At this point he told me that if he didn’t “want to be my friend or whatever the case may be”, that he would let me know and not ghost me or anything like that. We continued texting. The key here is that he used the word “friend”, which further confirms on my end that he’s always viewed things platonically between us.
About 2 weeks ago, I casually asked Jay about his views on another man blocking/unblocking me and then reaching out to me. He gave some input on this, and then told me he doesn’t want to talk to me about other men, and that I should ask my girlfriends. A few days ago, I asked Jay if I should reach out to a man (the same one that blocked/unblocked me).
At this point, Jay told me he was going to “leave me alone” because he didn’t want to look dumb by communicating to me about this. I tried to talk to him about why he was saying this. I told him that he had friendzoned me, so it didn’t make sense why he was upset or acting this way about me bringing up another man. The conversation then turned into him asking me why I think he friendzoned me. He says that he never friendzoned me, and brought up the fact that I came to his state but didn’t see him or let him know beforehand that I was coming. He also mentioned how I’ve rejected phone calls from him or made up excuses about not wanting or being able to talk on the phone rather than texting. I told him that our conversations and the things we talk about, is what made me believe that it wasn’t anything romantic. Even during the phone conversations that we’ve had, we didn’t talk about deep things, only random superficial topics.
Basically he was telling me that he never friendzoned me and wanted to know how long I’ve been dealing with this other man. Jay hasn’t texted me back ever since last Saturday, and we had this little disagreement last Friday. I sent him a text yesterday (Tuesday) asking if we were alright, and he said yes, but he also hasn’t responded since yesterday morning. Did I misread this whole situation on whether he’s into me or not?
TL;DR this man (24 M) and I (26 F) have been texting for 6 months with few phone calls. We live in different states, and through our conversations it seemed platonic. However, he’s now ignoring me after I brought up another man 2 different times in a time span of 2 weeks. Did I misjudge his true feelings and intentions with me?

My daughter was born in California where we all lived. Me and my ex split up and California set up a child support order. When my daughter was 8 she moved to Kansas with her mother. I have been paying California the support payments on time and pay additional money to my ex. I have marked all payments as child support to keep a record.
About 6 months ago my ex did mention that Kansas was potentially wanting to collect child support because they didn’t have the California order in their records. My ex said she was happy with our arrangement and wasn’t going to go for an increase or change child support to Kansas. My ex responded to them and provided proof of the California order. She didn’t admit to the additional $1,000 payments that I make outside of Child Support Services. Neither my ex or I received any additional correspondence from Kansas, so we thought that they had dropped.
To my surprise, I received a letter today from Kansas saying that I owe them $1,200 and they will report it to collections in a week. I have never received any other communication from Kansas period. Can Kansas put out a competing child support order?
I’m planning to call Kansas tomorrow to discuss the issue. I’m really hoping this isn’t going to be some giant headache where the state governments are collecting more money from me than they should. Was hoping that someone could help put my mind at ease, and let me know what’s the best way to handle this. Thanks!

I guess you could say this is progress. I just heard about this group through a podcast I was listening to. I’ll give a little bit of backstory. I’m 28F and I just went NC with my Nmom. My mom has had a substance abuse issue my entire life, and she has been my only parent. So I’ve been very reluctant to cut her off. However, she has recently been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, so any time I call out her negative behavior, I’m attacking her for being sick.
Anyway. She showed up to my children’s tball game slurring, eyes rolling back in her head, hanging all over people like a teenager. It was apparent she was under the influence. My children’s other parents even noticed. (I have two older children that me & my husband had from prior relationships)
So that was kinda like the straw that broke my back. I asked her not to show up to anymore games and she called my EX HUSBAND, told him that she will not be kept from my daughter, (none of my other kids) (because the golden child runs on into grandchildren, in case you didn’t know) and she came anyways. So I filed a PFA. Before the PFA was approved, she called my ex husband and invited his family out on her boat. And offered him tickets to a Braves game, if he would go behind my back and let her see/talk to my daughter. She also called my mother in law and told her to thank the Lord she never had a daughter and proceeded to tell her that she didn’t know if I was struggling with postpartum, or what, but she’s come to the conclusion that I’m just a miserable person. I cannot even make this up I wish it was a joke. Then after she found out about the PFA she texted him: “Something very very bad must have happened to her. I don’t know what, but it’s bad. She is very unwell and I will never stop fighting until she’s better again.”
Anyway I had to come here and vent about this. There are so many more details, but it would be the world’s longest post. I really need some validation that I’m doing the right thing. I’ve never called her out to this degree, and I am sure that’s why she thinks I’m unwell.

my boss enlists me in hiding his multiple affairs from his wife
Originally posted to Ask A Manager
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, abuse of authority
Original Post Jan 30, 2017
My boss is having multiple affairs. I am his assistant, so I know about all his visitors and his schedule. He is married, but he often has visits from two different women, and he outright told me to never tell his wife about them. When either of them visit, he locks his door and tells me he is not to be disturbed. This happens almost weekly.
He sometimes asks me to book local hotel rooms for an hour or an afternoon, and he sometimes buys jewelry and flowers for the two women he sees regularly. I know this because he sends me out to pick up the jewelry (which I later see them wearing) or asks me to have the flowers sent to them. He never does anything like this for his wife. One of the women just had a baby who is named after my boss and has his surname.
One time, his wife showed up for a surprise visit to take him out to lunch, and he directed me to lie that the woman who was in his office was there for a job interview. He also submits expenses from his business trips (where he has traveled alone) and I have to re-calculate everything because he has upgraded the company-provided hotel room to a better one on his personal credit card and bought breakfast for more than one person the next morning. When this happens, he tells me he had “company.” There was also an incident where he came to work panicked because he said he accidentally used his company credit card at a strip club. He sent me to retrieve it and pay his tab with cash, but the address he sent me to was actually a massage parlor.
Normally I honestly don’t care what people do in their own private lives, but I hate that I’m part of his lies to his wife. She is a nice person and she is dealing with a heart condition that just required surgery. I know they don’t have an open relationship because my boss lies to her and also directs me to lie to her about his actions. He says she can never know. I get sick whenever I think about what he is doing. I know a way I can out him to his wife anonymously. Do you think I should let her know, or is this none of my business and I need to stay out of it?
Update March 9, 2017
Two days after you published my letter, my boss was served with divorce papers here at work. His wife publicly outed his affairs, and she sent copies of emails and text messages sent between him and the two women he was having affairs with, as well as one of the escorts he was seeing regularly, to some people here at our office (including me), his relatives, and some of their friends. She also sent these to the two women and the escort, and some of their relatives and colleagues at work. The texts and emails prove that all three of them not only knew he was married but that he was seeing other women besides each one of them. They also include his acknowledgement he fathered a child outside of his marriage and evidence he used funds from the joint account and his wife’s pay to spend money on them, as well as for the random women he cheated with when he was out of town on business.
His wife has filed alienation of affection lawsuits against the two women and the escort he was cheating with regularly. All of three of them kept calling and coming to see him here at work to confront him after they were outed to people and served with the lawsuit papers, and I heard them talking (sometimes yelling) about it each time and him saying his wife moved out the day he was served with divorce papers and he has no way to contact except through her lawyer (hey have no children and apparently she has cut all contact).
I played dumb the entire time and no one, including his wife, has accused me of knowing anything or asked me if I did.
Before all of this happened, after reading your response and the responses in the comments, I decided to seriously start looking for another job. The same week my letter was published, there was an opening inside my company for a receptionist in a different division. The company usually posts jobs internally before they look externally, and since I’m classified as admin and the posting is for an administrative position, I didn’t have to apply and could just put in for a transfer.
They gave it to me, and I have been in my new job for two weeks now. I love it so far. I spend all day on the phone with people or talking with people who have come in to see or meet with my colleagues. The division has over 100 people, so while I have a screen where I can search for people by name and receive memos and things through email, I don’t have a computer that I am stuck staring at for hours a day. It’s definitely not for everyone but I love dealing with people all day and having no other responsibilities or a mountain of tasks or paperwork to do. My new colleagues have been welcoming and while everyone is talking about what is going on with my boss, no one has brought me into the drama and it only gets talked about around me the same as it would any other person. I don’t engage in any gossip and I certainly don’t talk about what I know, even though no one has asked.
I now have set hours, don’t ever have to work outside of those hours (no overtime or weekends or holidays) and no company cell phone. Since all my work involves dealing with people during working hours at work, I couldn’t do work at home even if I wanted to. Work is now separate from home, and overall I am much more relaxed because I have a clear line between working and not working and I don’t have to deal with my boss and his drama any more.
Thank you for your response to my question and to all the people who were supportive in the comments. I felt better knowing my feelings were valid and I wasn’t overreacting or wrong to be upset.
(Also there was some speculation in the comments about whether my boss could be engaging in some kind of embezzlement or falsifying because he had me separating expenses. There was nothing like that going on. The company has a policy where they will reimburse business expenses put on personal debit or credit cards. Non-work expenses are not allowed to be on company cards. So if the company paid for a hotel room when my boss traveled on business and he upgraded to a better room, the company would only reimburse or pay the original room price and he would have to pay for the rest of the upgrade. I would separate personal and work expenses before submitting them. This is in line with the company handbook and everyone always does it this way. There were no issues with him or me because of it. As for him using the company credit card at the massage parlor, they are legal where we are and since he had the charges reversed the same day and submitted proof of the reversal, the company never had an issue because he followed policy and hadn’t used the card for anything illegal.)
Final Update Oct 20, 2017
My former boss was fired. His wife outed a fourth woman for sleeping with him, same as the others. She works here. Having an affair with a subordinate and the multiple yelling matches with the other three women here at the office was enough to get him fired. The fourth woman was married (unlike the other three) and her husband filed for divorce after she was outed. She took job somewhere else but left amicably and was not fired like my former boss was. At least two of the women his wife was suing are settling with her to avoid it going to trial. The yelling matches he was having made it clear she wasn’t using the lawsuits as a bargaining chip and would not drop them in exchange for stuff from him.
Now that both he and the woman from here that he was having an affair with are gone, things have calmed down. No one has mentioned the affair in weeks and everything here is boring again. I don’t mind the lack of gossip and am still enjoying my new job and great colleagues. I got a small bonus at my yearly review because my boss was so happy with my work. I love my new colleagues and they have been nothing but welcoming to me.
(Also there was speculation in the comments in my first update about whether his wife outed the escort for her affair or being an escort. The answer is both. I don’t agree with her actions but I empathize with how much pain the affairs have caused her.)
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Context
So a roommate of mine who is not on the lease asked me to break the lease so he can move out June 1 (asked on May 6th, today is the 15th, he responds about once every 1-3 days so it was hard to get a response). We live in a house with 6 people and
May 6
I told him initially that I cannot accommodate for that as we live on university campus and leases typically start/end may/september 1.
May 15 (I was denied the opportunity to record the conversation and he left when I tried to)
He talked to me today and informed me he will not be paying rent because I "lied" to him about the agreement (I have quite a few people who can corroborate what I said was true) and will be hiring a lawyer and also will Most Likely not pay rent starting next month.
Potential legal claims he made:
He claims that I told him that the house was not for sale as a condition of the signed agreement. I did not say that as I have no control over what the landlord does. Other roommates can also confirm that and I have text recordings as well.
He claims I offered him priority renewal and claims that means I have to unconditionally give the room to him and I cannot change the price or any terms. He also suggests he can dictate any rental term he desires without objection.
He claims I would not ever raise the price. I never told anyone that and when he signed I gave him a significantly below market price room (25% ish less than market rate since it was a weird start date). Edit: I offered a renewal price still below market rate.
I gave him 3 potentially solutions which all seem reasonable and he has denied all of them
Question/Guidance (thank you for any help)
I don't believe he even has claims to sue me by. If he stops paying rent I understand that in BC, roommates not on leases can be evicted without court order and given a reasonable notice (10 days for no rent pay, 30 days or less otherwise). Should I contact a lawyer or just go with an eviction if he does decide to stop paying rent?
TLDR: Roommate not on lease making false claims about our agreement because I denied him the opportunity to terminate the agreement early. I have in writing and other roommates saying otherwise. He is threatening to sue me and stop paying rent. Should I contact lawyer or just evict him (outside of RTA provision) when he stops paying rent?
Thank you for any advice or suggestions.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA29329323
Me 25M grew up with parents 48F and 52M who had an open marriage it sort of messed me up and my parents wants to know why I had not spoken to them in almost four years.
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Previous BoRU posted by u/-bonita_applebum**
TRIGGER WARNING: depression, child neglect, mentions of bullying
While this was posted before, it has never been posted with the final update
Original Post July 31, 2021
I found out when I was around 12 that my parents liked to play around if you can call it that I did not get until I was around 14 what that really meant.
Anyways I kept my mouth shut and focused on myself and moved out when I was 18 and we have barely spoken since.
I ended up becoming very insecure I struggeled when it came to dating and girls and was alone for most of my teens, mom and dad was this perfect couple that was well liked by everyone.
All I can remember is how alone I felt during that time and was too afraid to speak to my parents about how I had it, they were always smiling and seemed to have the perfect marriage while they saw other people while I felt alone and miserable.
They used to go on weekend trips and was alone for many weekends and they rarely brought me along for vacations and I ended up being on my own when they did as well.
I struggle with depression and started seeing a therapist and are on antidepresseants right now, I just felt like I did not matter to my parents at all and see no real reason for why I should talk to them now.
I have not celebrated christmas with them or not been at home since I was 19 because I honestly have nothing but bad memories from living with them I just felt like I was in the way.
Not sure what I should do here my emotions are all over the place I don't think they know I struggle with depression.
Update Aug 4, 2021
I tried posting this earlier but yeah some other things have also happened so wanted to add that as well.
I dedided to write a letter but ended with me using that letter as reference to what I wanted to say to them instead.
I wrote the letter and actually just planned to drop in in their mailbox and just let them read it.
But honestly after so many years I needed to have the conversation with them so I did.
​
So I went home and surprise surprise dad and mom had a friend over, the woman who I ran into a few days ago let's call her Claire.
They were just sitting in the living room just talking I asked Claire politely to leave because I need to speak to my parents she said sure and she left, my parents understood I had something discuss and they did not argue.
​
Apperantly they were talking about me and Claire actually came over because she was worried about me after I basiclly ignored her the other day when I ran into her.
​
I sat down with my parents had the letter I had written and they understood I had a lot to say.
​
The whole thing was weird I sounded like a prosecutor trying to convince a jury of all my parents wrongdoings, it ended up being 40 minute indictment of my parents.
​
I went through all of it how alone I felt, me struggeling with depression, me seeing a therapist, on anti depresseants, me feeling since I was 11 that was always in the way, that I never mattered to them and that other people were always more important.
​
How Claire who was 25 the same age I am now when she started hanging around with you actually gave more of a damn than you did.
How you (dad) yelled at me when I messed up the settings on the dishwasher while you were away, I was 11 and did not know how it worked and that I offered to wash them by hand which I did.
​
I was bullied in school and was socially ackward, had no friends and was always alone both at school and at home.
​
I was 11 and had to deal with being alone on the weekends even christmas was weird and ackward I remember seeing families light christmas trees in our street seeing parents and their kids.
But you guys went to your christmas get togethers and only on christmas day were you home and I honestly felt alone then as well.
​
I have no such memories or felt any belonging whatsoever and now you keep asking me why I have barely spoken to you for four years ?
​
I don't know you and you never bothered to get to know me, other people were always more important.
​
When I found out and understood what you guys were into, I was even more mad why was that more important than me ??
​
How is it fair that you are happy and I am alone and miserable, it's not fair because you did this to me.
​
I have spent my childhood alone, my teens alone and now my twenties alone so far I never had a girlfriend because I struggle to trust people and have no idea how to get close to people.
​
You shared a picture of me on FB one of the few of us together from when I was a kid, saw Claire and your other GF comment on it how cute I was and what a great family we were.
Notice anything on those pictures ? I never smiled.
​
Why did you even have me to begin with clearly I was just a prop for you to show off to let others know what great parents you were, your FB profiles makes me sick to honest.
​
Dad wanted to say something and mom just looked stunned and she had tears, I just got up and left and that was that.
​
I never yelled or called them any names I was surprisingly calm I honestly felt numb walking out but also a lot lighter.
I left my sparekey to their place and just walked back to my place.
Mom has been texting and tried callin me I think they are both struggeling on what to say to me, I just demanded they remove the pictures of me from their FB which they did.
They do not get to pretend to the world like they were great parents anymore I refuse to be a prop.
So that's the update still gonna continue with my therapists or may need to find a new one.

NEW UPDATE

Update 2 - rareddit Oct 11, 2021
Just wanted to give an update and thank you for all the comments, I decided to switch therapists and the new one is better than my old one.
Still dealing with anxiety and feel very lonely sometimes, but trying to get through the day.
Had a long talk with mom who actually decided to stop by my place, she and I talked for almost three hours.
I decided not to berate her and instead just being honest and explain how my life has been and how I am dealing with a bunch of things.
It was as honest as it could get with me basiclly just sharing how I was doing, mom did not realize how bad it was and she just gave me a hug I don't know why but that helped, she was not sure what to say about everything and I don't really blame her.
She said come home for awhile especially at christmas you don't have to sit in your apartment alone, told her I would think about it.
Mom looks like she finally realized that I had been in pain for quite some time and her recognizing that is I guess what I really wanted like she finally got it.
So yeah progress I guess still not sure what the future holds, still feel very apathethic and my anxiety can get the best of me sometimes and have had days I feel very low like nothing matters anymore.
But I guess it's a step in the right direction
​THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Hello, /BaldursGate3!
​
The game is finally here, which means that it's time to give your feedback. Please try to provide _new_ feedback by searching this thread as well as [previous Feedback posts](https://www.reddit.com/BaldursGate3/search/?q=flair_text%3A%22Post-Launch%20Feedback&restrict_sr=1). If someone has already commented with similar feedback to what you want to provide, please upvote that comment and leave a child comment of your own providing any extra thoughts and details instead of creating a new parent comment.
​
Please try to be mindful of spoilers and use the info below to hide them:
On Mobile:
Hide spoilers in comments format - >!insert text here!< (no spaces between the text and symbols)
On Desktop:
Hide spoilers in comments - Fancy pants editor: use the square with the exclamation point inside (may need to click the three dots if not showing). Markdown mode: use the above format mobile uses
Another place to report bugs and feedback: https://larian.com/support/baldur-s-gate-3#modal
Have an awesome weekend!

A person and I have been filed against in the HRTO. I will state this case is probably more complex than most cases but I hope my description is clear.
The claimant alleges discrimination because a case of an alleged disability and a reprisal. We're both freaked out but we think we have a strong case and we want to see what the group thinks.
First and foremost the claimant has never ever provided any medical documentation highlighting that they did have a disability because of their mental healt. This is only being alleged by family and friends but not one shred of credible evidence has been provided except self-written letter. In this letter it alleges we have a duty to accommodate, but like I said no other evidence was provided. However on their application they say they provided a medical document but of course this is not true.
Some context of why this situation turned in a bad way was because the person who lived (the tenant) with the claimant was totally freaked out and tired of threatening behavior like telling them that they are being watched by them and the stealing of common equipment for internet and TV.
As this person was just a roommate, per the RTA and confirmed, they were asked to leave given 30 days notice at the time. 2 days before the complete 30 days notice, the police was called because they believed damage was happening. However, the police decided not to evict the claimant and this is what has caused this HRTO case to be filed as they allege discrimination and reprisal stating the claimant was forced to leave (not true because we accepted the police's decision, and everyone else decided to leave). However the claimant did leave the day after the police visit in my opinion to set up this legal case because they were definitely not forced out by any threats because we are not looking to have a legal battle that we have now, we were just freaked out by this behavior with no evidence of an actual disability.
Here is my question: As I read it, the HRTO's interpretation of a housing provider can extend to a tenant (one of the people filed against) who allows a roommate (the claimant here) to live with them in a shared space. If this is the case, would this case be exempted based on any discrimination being not illegal because of this provision:
"21 (1) The right under section 2 to equal treatment with respect to the occupancy of residential accommodation without discrimination is not infringed by discrimination where the residential accommodation is in a dwelling in which the owner or his or her family reside if the occupant or occupants of the residential accommodation are required to share a bathroom or kitchen facility with the owner or family of the owner. R.S.O. 1990, c. H.19, s. 21 (1)."
As a reminder in this case, the owner could be liberally interpreted as the tenant based on my reading. Does this defense make sense and is there anything anyone would recommend?

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA999333
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I(29F) made my step-father(50M) an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: child abandonment, emotional manipulation, possible exploitation
Original Post: May 6, 2024
I ruined the memory of the best day of my life because I was too blind to see what I was doing was hurting one of the most important people in my life. I got married 2 months ago to the love of my life, and he finally opened my eyes to what I did. He showed me the perspective I didnt understand.
When I was 5 my father left us. Just disappeared without trace. He and my mom were already separated by that point, but he was still living with us. 3 years later my mom started dating Rob. He was quite a bit younger than she was, I belive she was 34 and he was 26. Today he is very wealthy (he wasnt when he met my mom) and he treats my mother like a queen. Whenever she is around him she looks like the happiest person in the world. My younger sister looks a lot like me and mom, but her personality is for sure a reflexion of her dad, always telling jokes and being just a nice person all around while me and my mom are more serious and cold.
As I got older, Rob became more present in my life he got married to my mom and she got pregnant. But it was still pretty weird seeing him as a father figure mostly because people would asume he was my brother all the time. When I was in HS, I was dating this boy, and he broke up with me at my friends house. My mom was on a night shift and I had to ask Rob to pick me up. When he did, he conforted me, took me to get ice cream, and when we got home he told me something like this (without knowing what happened) "whoever made you sad doesnt understand that you are the best girl in the world, and its their loss. Dont beat yourself up because other people are too stupid to see it"
I just said to him "I wish you were my dad". He smiled and said that he wished that too, and he could be if I wanted to. We left it at that. I never called him dad. But from that point foward I saw him as a father and I think he knows it.
I finally reconected to my biological father about an year ago. It happened because I got engaged. When I came to my mom's house one day, he was there and I couldnt even recongnise him. He was way thiner than he was when I was a kid. He struggled for years with depression and substance abuse. My mom and Rob actually helped him get clean and they even paid for his stay at a great reabilitation center. They decided together that it was time for me to finally meet him again.
I dont want to explore much on how this was, but all I have to say is that im glad to have him back in my life and im glad for being able to help him heal. He sufered a lot, he got lost. But now he is at least trying.
Rob and my mother payed for everything at my wedding, and everything was amaizing. The church was beautiful, my husband looked amaizing. The one mistake I made: I chose my biological father over Rob. I chose the man that did abandon me for over 20 years over the one the took me as his own and gave me everything he could when he didnt have to. I chose the man that broke my mothers heart over the one that saved her. I dont know why I did what I did. Looking back on it I feel so fucking stupid. My dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle. My dad dint deserve to be in all the pictures with my mom and my husbands parents. It should have been Rob.
I dont know, I think I was compensating for the time lost with my dad. Everything was still so fresh with him. I was helping him out, he talked to me everyday, I felt like he deserved to be back in my life.
When we were deciding who would give speeches, we had to cut some because it was just too many and me and my husband didnt really like the idea of hearing speeches for and hour and a half. So we decided for 5 people each. When I gave the list to my husband he even asked "no Rob?" And I said "yeah, my mom is already doing one". The others I chose were 2 of my bridesmaids, my mom, my sister (she really pushed for it) and, again, my dad. My husband said I should reconsider, He even thought of giving up one of his to put Rob in. I said it was fine, he didnt need to do that. My whole thinking when doing this was that Rob has my sister. He will have his moment. This was the only chance my dad had.
But I went too far. I completly cut him out of the party basically. If you look at the photos it doesnt even look like he went. My mom looks like she is faking a smile in half the pictures. I dont have a single picture with him. He only apears in group pictures, and some with my husband.
I only realised all of this when I texted Rob 2 days ago, asking him about a gift im giving my husbands for his birthday. He anwsered. Then asked about my car that is with a mecanic friend of his. He awnsered. Then I asked him something about my insurance. He did not anwser. A little over an hour later my mom called me. She just said "do you have no shame? Do you not understand what you did?" I just listend and she told me not to talk to Rob for now. I was just so fucking confused. I got home and told my husband and he just said that he knows what she is referencing but he will talk to her first.
Later, he showed me the wedding photos, he went step by step on everything I have listed here. He talked calmly, and broke it down for me. By the end I was crying so much that I had a headache. What an inconsiderate idiot I am. He told me that he and my mom didnt tell me anything before the party because Rob asked them not to. He understood that it was important for me for my father to be a big part of this day and when they protested he said that they should not make me worry about these small things.
I dont know what changed from before the party to now. My mom only tells me that he needs a bit of time and that he will talk to me soon. My husband keeps telling me that I made a mistake but Rob will be understanding and will forgive me. And I know that he will. He 100% has already forgiven me. He probably felt something when I was texting him that day that broke him down. I dont know what I said to trigger him at that moment, but also it doesnt really matter. I did the real damage at the party probably since he apeared to be fine with everything else before it (It was not fine by any means)
I have to make it up to him. I dont know how but I just do. I guess im just writing this here because im a little lost. Im too ashamed to talk about it with anyone else I know apart from my mom and husband. She doesnt tell me anything and my husband keeps insiting that everything will be fine and for me not to worry too much about it. And he is probably right but I feel like me not worrying about this is just being incosiderate to Rob again. I have to worry. I just dont know what to do.
Im now at work, and the only thing I can think about is this. Nothing else matters to me right now.
If someone has any kind of idea of how I can make it up to him I would greatly appreciate it.
Edit: Literally 40 minutes after I uploaded this, my mom texted me saying that Rob wants to speak to me tonight.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the situation of her insurance and Rob

OOP: Actually, Rob does not pay for my insurance. He only helped me set it up. And this is not about money at all, I make more than enough money and my husband is also very well off. Rob and my mom paid for the wedding because they wanted to. They told me it would be their gift for me and they gave me the money to use it on the wedding. My husbands family gave us a sum to help pay for our new house.
But your comment made me realise that this might be the problem, he might think im using him for money. That just breaks my heart. I do not want his money. I would happly take myself out of the my mom's will and his (if he has me in it, which he probably does), if it means I can fix this.
Also, he was not rich at all when he met my mom. He became successful after their marriage. Just to clarify.

OOP on why she didn’t plan the wedding photos ahead of time

OOP: My plan was that I wanted spontanious pictures and the photographer had to be changed last minute. In my head it worked out fine, what I wanted was to have the "important" pictures taken early, bridesmades, groomsman and family and later on have just spontanious pictures.
It was something I was too stuck on, this notion of "wasting time" doing pictures, speaches, etc.
But that was such dumb thinking. Thats what wedding are for.
At the end of the day though, everything went great apart from this disastrous oversight of mine.

Top Comments
RevolutionaryHat8988: I want to hug Rob. We all need a Rob in our lives.
Deleted Commenter: You’re almost 30 and needed all of this pointed out to you?
You made multiple conscious choices to exclude Rob from your wedding and only cared after you brought up an issue with your insurance: another thing he helped to pay for.
At your age you should know that choices have consequences.
I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make up for the choices you made.
 
Update May 9, 2024
First, I want to say some things before posting:

1. No, I am not Linda, my biological father isnt dying. Got a DM in here asking.
   
2. My sister is mostly just sad, not really mad at me. Just said she understood my situation but it still was really shitty seeing her father taken for granted and sad.
   
3. My mother is the person most pissed off at me at the moment. She is the only one that still does not talk to me. I mean she does, but not really.
   
4. For the people saying my husband and mother were idiots for not talking to me before: they agree and have told me this. My husband specially. Im not trying to shift blame here, just saying this for the people that talked about it
   

I was not going to post anything else on here. Not a fan of being called names and for people to keep saying that Rob should leave our family. Although Im well aware that I deserve most of everything that was said about me. The coments saying "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" in regaards to me and my biological father were the ones that hurt the most as it is a fear of mine and the reason I dont drink much and dont use any drugs or anything that could be addictive. But seing how there are other things that could make us more similar than I realised is really frightening.
The day I posted here, my mom told me Rob wanted to speak to me and to go to their home after work. I went and waited for Rob to arrive. When he did my mom left us alone and he started off by saying that he was hurt by what I did at the wedding, that he knows he is not my father and that he would never try to force that on me, but that he at least thought he had some sort of importance in my life and seeing me just not give him any importance apart from talking to him when I need help with something made him realise that I do not view him the he thought I did.
At this point I was already crying so much that I couldnt even talk. I waited for him to finish and when he did I just told basically what you all saw in the post. That I fucked up bad, that I was incosiderate, that he is one of the most importante people in my life and that what I did was unforgivable.
The only reason I am posting it here is because of something during the conversation. He said something about my time at college and I went "but that was because..." and stoped. He asked me "what? because of what" I just said "nothing, you are right, that was my fault and I should have done better".
He was pretty angry at that point and he started to smile and we talked about me taking responsibility for my actions. Its something I am terrible at, it was an issue at my old job and since then I have been trying to be better at it but not very successfuly. He asked what changed and I told him about the post. Multiple people in the comments said that I dont take responsibility and yes, they read right through me. I showed it to him and reading the post calmed him down.
And no, he did not read the comments, just the ones I showed it to him, I would not let him see what some of you were saying about my mom.
So yes, he told me if I was going to say something else to thank you people for calling me out for not taking responsibility.
We talked about a lot of other things not related to the wedding. At the end I just told him that there were 2 things I wanted to say for him to take away from this conversation: I really did mean it when I was in HS and said that I wished he was my dad. Even now, with my biological dad in my life. I still feel that way. And the second thing is that I know that it will be hard for him to belive it right now because of what happened, but I will try to prove it to him for as long as it takes.
For those interested, I`ve been going to a therapist with my biological father once every 2 weeks since he came back, but I think I need one for myself so I will try to make it happen soon.
I want to thank 3 particular commenters that helped me.

1. The person that told me to take it slow with Rob and dmed me to stop looking at the thread cause I was spiraling.
   
2. The one that said: "People fuck up. Sometimes badly. But in a loving and caring family it's never the end of things as long as you are willing to own your mistakes."
   
3. And most importantly the best comment that was fair and gave me the right advice: "You are a spoilt, selfish, childish person. I don’t know that rob will forgive you but you can’t simply wait to see if he does. Write him a letter in which you fully own up to your awful behaviour. Do not say “I wish someone had stopped me” - that isn’t taking accountability for the way you treat people. With him and your mom paying for your wedding and your in laws paying for your house - you need to grow up and reflect very seriously on how you interact with everyone around you."
   

I guess the post served as the letter in the scenario, thank you, that was the slap in the face I needed to realise that I need to do a lot of work to improve myself and that the wedding was not its own thing, it was a reflection of who I am right now and I dont like what I see when I look in the mirror. Also, Rob more or less told me something similar, just not as a agressive, so this comment made me take his words as not him atacking me, but trying to help me understand my flaws.
Im not sure how I will make up for this. Rob is telling me that over time, just me being how I was before my biological father showed up will be enough for him. I dont doubt him but its not enough for me. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life. I will always remember.
The way I am now I actually need people to call me out for this kinds of things and its not fair to them. I will work on it, I have to. I will try my hardest to not ever hurt anyone I love this way again. Thankfully now I have someone in my husband to help me do that and call me out if needed. Thank you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Tl;dr: basically be a hobbyist, musician, writer, artist, gamer, or geek (any or all, but definitely at least play halo or 40k with me). Must have a demented sense of humor. I cannot be scared away. Looks aren't super important to me if we get along, and I don't care at all if you're a femcel or something as long as you're not abrasive and hateful toward me because you can't work your own stuff out. I don't ghost people either; I will tell you outright if I don't like something about you, and I'd expect the same.
I enjoy writing and worldbuilding as a hobby, I love music, I love sunrises, I love my dog, and I watch too many movies and play too many video games. I can and will talk about music for hours on end. Infodumping about the things I like or the way I feel is my first language, and trivia is my second, so please double text and send me paragraphs. Small talk gives me hemorrhoids. I want to learn everything about you.
I like to laugh at nonsense, and when I'm not having a bad day, I act like a 10 year old. I have seriously bad fibromyalgia, so I mostly have bad days and am stuck home(wherever that currently is) probably playing video games or writing or painting or some hobbyist kind of stuff. I'm not into those bizarre competitive toxic sweat lodges like Valorant or League of Legends though. More like Halo or Destiny or Elden Ring. I play games for fun and for a good story.
My favorite movie is Twins, my favorite show is *probably* sons of anarchy(?), my favorite band is *probably* Van Halen or Pantera. My favorite poet is Robert Frost, favorite author is either Michael Crichton or David Drake. I'm a sucker for vast RPGs with massive lore and vague stories. D&D is a favored pastime when the planets align. It's a great outlet for my writing because I don't have the patience (or talent probably) to attempt a novel.
Anyway, don't get confused on that first bit; demented sense of humor does not mean edge lord or bully. If you are either, don't bother. Same goes for you "brutally honest" types. You're not interesting, you're a jerk. Being one-dimensional is not a personality.
I want to partner up with someone, take interest in each other's hobbies, create together, game together, send absurd and stupid memes to each other, you get the idea. I'm here because I'm lonely, not because I'm bored. Don't bug me if you're just bored. I'm not looking to be entertainment for a day or two, I don't want to have to carry the conversation, but I don't want some nutcase that will have meltdowns and block me if I don't text them twice a day. I've been used and ghosted enough. It would also make my day if you could not be a predatory freak.
Bottom text.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRa-Lunch
Originally posted to relationship_advice
My (38F) Husband (39M) hid having lunch with a coworker (25F) and said my food was ‘tasteless’. What do I do?
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: May 5, 2024
I want this to be quick. I feel really weird about this and I’m on the verge of asking for a separation.
So, I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, married for 11. Amazing relationship, small bumps of course but nothing like this.
I’ve always made lunch for my husband to take to work, and up until a little over a month ago that was fine. Middle of March he said that a new Turkish food stand opened up outside of his office and that he had been eating lunches there instead because they were good. Alright, no problem.
So he just completely stopped asking for lunches. I had maybe packed 5 during this time frame for him, but I’m not even sure he was eating them now.
So on Thursday I was at home working and I had a phone call from him, thought he was calling during his lunch but he had butt dialled me instead.
At first, I didn’t hear much, just him talking to someone, and I was about to hang up until I heard a woman’s voice as well. I wouldn’t say I’m a jealous person, but I was a little bit curious so I muted my call at work and listened.
It was just standard conversation at first, he was praising this woman’s cooking A LOT. Which of course made me realise that he was eating lunch this coworker made. I was a bit peeved but there’s an explanation sure.
Although that went out the fucking window when she said “is it better than your wife’s?” To which he replied “Oh yeah, without a doubt. I mean, it’s not tasteless for a start” followed by laughing.
First of all, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 15 years of cooking and NOW he has a complaint? And not even to me but some coworker!!
Also, that absolutely isn’t innocent on her end right? I’m not crazy in thinking that’s so weird, why even bring me up?
Anyway, I raised hell, ended the call, sent him a message not to ‘worry about my tasteless cooking anymore’ and that he ‘can eat from the bin’ from now on.
Hes apologised, said that he loves my food and was just trying to seem cool in front of his coworker. I asked why he lied about where he was getting lunch from, and he said that initially he did get it from that stand, but the coworker started offering and he didn’t want to tell me because he thought that I would get jealous (yeah, can you blame me?)
So, I’ve been airing him since. I’m still pissed to be honest, I haven’t made him lunch or dinner, only for myself since he said that he dislikes it so much. He said today that he’s apologised and that I shouldn’t keep punishing him but I’m literally an inch from going to my mums. I have a suitcase with my clothes packed under our bed ready.
Dad thinks it was a stupid comment, but that I should work it out, mum is on my side regardless of my decision. I’m thinking about leaving for a few days at least, maybe a separation but I honestly just want some reassurance if that’s what’s best here?
Relevant Comments
OOP on if this was a one-off situation

OOP: It’s a one off and so insanely weird coming from him. He’s never been that type of person at all. I can’t remember a single time hes said something negative about me to myself, never mind to someone else!
He hasn’t been suspicious with his phone of behaviour at all. He comes home on time and if he’s out with friends I can pretty much confirm it, so I’m not sure. Maybe at most an emotional affair or a crush? But at the moment I don’t think he’s cheating. I honestly just feel really hurt

OOP on if her husband can cook or not

OOP: He can barely cook, so it’d be more of a punishment for me to be honest. I’ve been making him cook for himself since this happened and he’s been miserable. Definitely agree with the asshole coworker though, no clue why she had the audacity to try and bring me up like that

I didn’t know. Yeah he’s apologised, but I’m still pretty hurt over it. Cooking for 15 years just to have him badmouth me sucks. Ideally I want him to cut ties with that coworker of his too for bringing me up. He won’t mention much of her but I feel like she’s just as bad too.
I’m also pretty annoyed he lied to me for a month about the fact that he was eating lunch with this coworker, her lunch too. I don’t see why he would

Blue-eagle-23: Has he agreed to stop having lunch with her? Even if she is not hoping to get with him she is certainly not a supporter of your relationship.

OOP: He said that he’ll stop having lunch with her and apparently has done since that happened. (Although I have no way of proving this)

the_taco_life: If he's not cheating on you with his much younger coworker, he wants to/is trying to. Man my vagina would dry up and blow away in a puff of dust over such classic creepy older dude behavior.
You're not overreacting. You're under reacting.

OOP: I absolutely feel it drying up already. It’s like everything I’ve found attractive in him has gone. He’s just so plain to me now.

issa_username29: Yeahhhh honestly I’d probably leave for at least a couple of days too, overhearing something like that would piss me off! Has he been weird with his phone or any other communication devices?

OOP: Absolutely nothing! No change in behaviour either. He hasn’t been cagey or weird, he’s let me use his phone whenever before all of this happened. He’s been completely normal

 
Update May 7, 2024
I’m back. It’s not a great update but you all deserve one for all of the advice you gave me on my last post.
He confirmed that he developed a crush on her, it’s an emotional affair at least and that’s all I really need to hear. I sat him down and had a heart to heart with him.
Bottom line are these points.

• if I hadn’t of heard what he said, he most likely would have continued flirting with her, he admitted this himself.
  
• he liked the attention, she had bad mouthed me previously (I didn’t ask for examples) and he didn’t shut it down because he liked it.
  
• She has actively been persuing him for over 3 months now, he hadn’t put a stop to it until I caught him.
  
• The Saturday before last she offered to give him a blowjob during lunch together, he declined, but he told me that he let her feel his muscles over his clothes.
  

The only reason he said all of this fucking shit was because I was all sweet and I said “I promise, tell me the full truth and we can move on, I’ll forgive you, I just want to know”
Right, fuck that. He is packing his bags. This is MY house, and it will be treated as such. I really don’t care anymore. If he’s seriously deluded himself into thinking this is going to last, he can crack on.
I’m genuinely so angry more than anything. I did everything for him. I make double what he does so I paid all the bills, while we used his money for fun stuff. When we met he had crippling CPTSD and body dysmorphia. I did fucking everything to help him get over it. I dealt with his night terrors every bloody night, despite it ruining my sleep. I reassured him constantly despite not getting it back. All of it without a bloody complaint. You love someone so much just for them to throw you away so easily.
He cried, had a panic attack that I had to calm him down from and is now taking his time packing. He keeps stopping to come into the living room to ask for a hug. I can’t even express how disgusted I feel, like I physically can’t even look at him anymore.
There was no need, if he was unhappy he should have told me, I don’t know why the hell he even felt the need to get some validation from this girl but sure, whatever.
He keeps saying he doesn’t know why he did it, but of course he knows, he’s just too much of a coward to tell me.
Well whatever, it’s done now. He’s leaving, his family is back in Germany so fuck knows who he’s staying with, probably her but I’m washing my hands of him.
Thank you for all of the advice you gave me on the last post, so many great ideas that I didn’t even end up needing to use because he just down right admitted it all to me.
Relevant Comments
Katatonic92: Doesn't know why he did it? Here's my guess based on the info you shared;

1. You saw him at his weakest & most vulnerable, you are clearly still his backbone judging from his current behaviour. He doesn't get to play the toxic image of manly man to you, in his mind, you are stronger than him. I guarantee he hasn't opened up to her about any vulnerabilities he has, it sounds like she has appealed to the toxic manly man ideal of making food & offering blowjobs to the big, strong muscular man. He gets to inflate his ego in a way he can't with you.
2. Not only have you emotionally supported him, you are also the main breadwinner, the provider. You cover the bills, the roof over your head, his contribution is the unnecessary fun stuff. This is yet another blow to the toxic manly man's fragile ego. He probably considers himself financially superior to her, his money could hold more "value" to her instead of it just being fun money you won't really miss.
3. He is older than her, gets to seem like the wiser, more worldly adult of the relationship. He will feel superior to her in every way he feels inferior to you.
4. He enjoyed the negative comments made about your food, not because they were necessarily true but because it meant you weren't perfect & someone else was validating it. Again, when you are insecure it is easier to find faults be derogatory towards a perceived threat to drag them down, instead of building themselves up.

Conclusion. Major insecurity, inflation of ego from someone he feels he holds superiority over. And as fucking usual, instead of recognising this bullshit, speaking to his wife who has done nothing but love & support him, go to see a therapist to work on his feelings, he goes down the easy road. Instead of doing the work to overcome his feelings of inadequacy, it was so much easier to gravitate to someone who not only let him ignore those feelings for a while, they also found a way to tear you down.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, it is truly pathetic when someone would sooner risk causing this terminal heartbreak, than suffer short term discomfort by communicating. It's pathetic.

OOP: Jesus fucking Christ. How do I pin a comment? That’s so unbelievably true I can’t even say anything.
Physically he’s pretty intimidating. He’s 6’6 and about 270 pounds, and he can be pretty scary to people who don’t know him. But he’s always been extremely sweet and kind, and that’s one of his biggest insecurities, looking like a man but not ‘feeling’ like one. Which has always been bullshit to me. But yeah, everything you said is literally him.
I can’t even thank you enough for writing this. Having it down fully on here is so incredibly validating.

OOP on her husband’s co-worker being a problem

OOP: She is A problem. Singular. I’m not running to her house to curb stomp her because I don’t know a damn thing about this woman. But regardless. Yeah, she wanted to fuck a married man, is that fucked up? Absolutely, and if the chance comes around I’m being petty and getting revenge. But seriously, who’s the hell is she? Did I spend 15 years of my life with this woman? Did I make vows to her? NO.
Read this, then reread it sir. My HUSBAND, is at fault here, because he knew damn well what was going on. He knew this woman wanted him, he knew what was going to happen and he let it. What can I do to her? Nothing, what can I do to my husband? Divorce him. That’s the bottom line.
For the love of god, stop dick riding my husband and move on, it’s actually insane that I have to say this but no one is defending that woman, no one, we’re coming rightfully for my husband because of HIS part in all of this.

 
Soon to be ex saw my update, came to my house. I’m safe. - May 9, 2024
I can’t post another update to the relationship sub, and I didn’t know if people would see it if I just made an edit myself on my other post. Some shit went down, but I’m okay. Yesterday night STBX contacted me. A lot of people told me to delete my recent update made of the post, it honestly slipped my mind that he could be reading it too,
He said that he was a bit hurt that I’d think he would go for Alimony. But that he understands given everything. He told me that he wasn’t going to but if he needed to sign something to prove it he would.
I said given everything that’s happened he can’t blame me for being on alert. He said that he’s quit his job and that he’s thinking about returning to Germany to be with his family there, additionally he says he’s cut contact with that coworker. He apologised again and wished me the best
Right, and that would have been just fine by itself. But I woke up at about 2.15am last night needing a wee and I saw my ring door bell going off. I have footage of him just sitting outside my house talking to himself. Literally he got there at 1 ish, knocked, sat down on my front steps and just started talking. I slept through it and only woke up because I needed the bathroom. I literally sat in my closet for ages just watching the camera not knowing what to do until he left at 3am.
He’s probably going to read this too but I’m somewhere safe, I just can’t tell you all for obvious reasons. He sent me a message saying he can’t lose me, that I’m the love of his life. I told him to fuck off and blocked him.
I really can’t say much, but I’m taking action. Absolutely don’t worry about that little prick.
Just a possible last update, it’s a bit risky to tell you what’s happening now that it’s gotten a bit shittier, just in case it gets back to him.
Relevant Comments
OOP on her husband blowing up his life for his emotional affair and doing anything to get her back

OOP: I did end up asking him why he declined her offer for a blow job. I feel like at this point it’s pretty done and dusted, there isn’t really a need to keep lying.
He said the main thing was that he was a little bit afraid to cross that line, and that he had rationalised to himself that since it hadn’t turned physical, it wasn’t bad. (He didn’t really elaborate on why he was afraid, but we were each other’s firsts, so that’s maybe why?)
I cringed a bit writing about her feeling up his muscles. It feels a bit gross to type out for some reason. My STBX is a physically big bloke. He’s 6’6 and roughly 270. He was in the military for a while and he never got out of that routine. I really don’t know what he means when he says his muscles. I mean it could be any of them.
My heart does really hurt for him in a strange way. I was a bit panicked this morning after I woke up from the nights drama worried if he had a night terror or something. I know that he betrayed me, but I still can’t stop hoping that he’s okay. I’ve messaged some of his friends to check up on him just in case.

OOP on if she and her husband have kids

OOP Nope! No kids thank god! We’re childfree

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/CalligrapherAny4251
How do I 28M convince my wife 26F that MMF is a bad idea?
Originally posted to relationship_advice
Original Post May 8, 2024
My wife (26F) and myself (28M) have been together 8 years - and our relationship is excellent.
We’ve never had any fidelity issues. Not even flirty text messages or overly friendly co-workers.
We are both in good shape physically and are attractive individuals by most standards. My wife consistently reminds me how attracted she is to me and we struggle to keep our hands off of each other even after almost a decade together.
Sex is consistent and always great for both of us - we are very vocal about fantasies and trying to new things has always been easy between the two of us.
We were on vacation two months ago when my wife randomly suggested a threesome while we were at a local bar. I was beyond shocked and even with a few drinks in me, was convinced she was joking and wasn’t going to fall for it.
She eventually convinced me she was serious and I went along with it. She immediately points to a young lady who supposedly had been staring at me from across the room and my wife had noticed, found the girl attractive as well, and had the spontaneous idea.
I had not been with another woman for so long it was difficult to get in to it at first. My wife on the other hand, was loving every second of it. Seeing her enthusiasm and enjoyment eventually got me more involved and it ended up being a really good time and a lot of fun for all of us.
We talked about it a few times but only how hot/enjoyable it was. Sex was normal and there was nothing awkward following the encounter.
Fast forward to yesterday and the reason for my post:
At our local gym, I periodically go to find my wife and check on her throughout our workouts. As I approach her I come in at the exact moment she is making eye contact with another man through the wall length mirrors of the gym. She smiles at him and sheepishly looks away.
I choose to ignore it in the moment and go about finishing my workout.
That night at dinner, my wife casually asks if I would want to try another threesome. I say not really. She follows up by expressing interest in trying one with another guy as if that may change my mind.
I tell you my heart sank. I felt so many emotions in that moment I can’t even quantify them.
I realized that her flirtation with a stranger at the gym is likely fueled by an internal fantasy/desire for a MFM threesome. Flirting or even giving another man the time of day is something she’s never done.
I hid my emotions well because even after I said that didn’t interest me she tried to compare our last experience and encourage me saying it might be a lot of fun.
I’m at a loss. I feel like I somehow unlocked something in my wife that will cause a lot of issues if not handled properly.
How do I set a boundary that’s already been crossed? And how do I convince her that’s not what a want without leaving her with desires and fantasies that I can’t fulfill?
TLDR;
How do I handle my spouse wanting a MFM threesome after having our first threesome experience (FFM) only two months ago that my spouse also suggested and I agreed to. How do I convince her that’s not what I want without leaving these new feelings and desires unfulfilled?
EDIT: better explanation for the issue: I feel like I can’t just say no, I want to address these new desires and fantasies that she’s having and still maintain my boundaries and our relationship.
EDIT 2: MFM threesome as in two straight men and one woman
EDIT 3: clarify a few things:
I don’t know “gym guy” and didn’t recognize him - my wife also just suggested it like “maybe another guy” and didn’t specifically mention “gym guy” as the other M
My wife is bi
Definitely enjoyed the vacation threesome but was genuinely hesitant UNTIL I was fully convinced my wife was into it and that allowed me to enjoy myself and not feel guilty - we both were honest afterwards and it was enjoyable for both of us. Our sex life returned to normal and there was no awkwardness.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told he's a hypocrite

I understand that’s your opinion but that’s also why I’m here - I want to understand the perception of the double standard or hypocrisy. I know it’s a cheesy analogy but that’s how I can explain it from my angle - and I want to understand yours

~
Commenter

I honestly dunno what you should do so I’m not asking to make you feel one way or the other
I just like… don’t get it.
If you’ve seen a woman make your wife cum and it wasn’t emasculating, is it literally just the presence of a penis going into her that makes you feel emasculated?
I’m bi and am with a bi woman. I know a lot of bi women. A lot of us have had SIGNIFICANTLY better sex with other women compared to men. Most bi women I know had a ‘best’ partner that was a woman.
It’s kinda crazy to me that this apparently would not be seen as emasculating or a threat to a man in a FFM. It feels like it posits lesbian sex as less real or significant. I mean this on a macro level, not really applied to your specific situation.
But yeah I just keep reading that you mainly got off on your wife’s pleasure last time. And I get you wouldn’t feel that vibe with a man. It just all kinda breaks my brain.
Makes me realize a lot of dudes think a penis is the end all be all to sex, but again not saying you. I get you being straight adds layers.

OOP

This is a really helpful take thank you and I genuinely appreciate the breakdown - this is just follow up thoughts not saying right or wrong
I can 100% see the the comparison with the sex and it’s definitely just my predisposition as a straight man that makes it different for me - I did not see the other girl as competition or an issue and enjoyed watching my wife with another woman - everyone had their own role and could contribute to each persons sexual enjoyment
I was the only male in the last one so it feels very different compared with another male with an identical role to mine - my hetero male brain perceives it as obviously a competition - doesn’t matter what you look like or what you’re packing
I don’t share any attraction to the extra guy and we’re just competing for the woman while trying not to make eye contact

Update May 9, 2024
Original post here
I’ll start off by saying I really appreciate everyone who stopped by and shared their opinions and insight
I ended up having a conversation with my wife a lot sooner than I anticipated and wanted to share the outcome because I got a lot of great advice from this subreddit - I also didn’t realize how common this topic is
Some context first because I think it’s important to understand the dynamic I have with my wife:
I’m a co-founder of a company in our home city and have a very flexible work schedule that allows me to WFH almost every day
My wife has not worked in 4 years and spends a lot of time at home as well - this dynamic causes us to spend about 90% of our time together. I don’t get drinks with the boys while she’s at home and she’s never left me at home to go out
For some people that would cause a lot of friction - but because it’s been that way for almost the whole time we are instead very close and I can honestly say my wife is my best friend
I’ve always known I’m my wife’s type but over the years her attraction to me has grown - I’ve always been tall and well built but I’ve made a lot of progress in my physique in recent years as well as the success of my business has contributed to the way my wife views me and treats me.
Which is why I was so confident that she is genuinely curious and explorative rather than manipulative or disloyal. You simply could not fake her behavior for 4 years without being a complete psychopath.
WITH ALL THAT SAID… let me explain how this conversation went:
I came home from the gym this morning and immediately told her I wanted to get something off my chest
We sat down and I said “I’d be open to a threesome with another guy… did you have someone in mind?”
Two reasons I opened like that: I wanted to put her on the spot so she couldn’t articulate a response and would just be honest - and second I wanted to know how much she thought about it (i.e. did she have a guy in mind already)
Her excitement was immediate - she was definitely still interested but said she hadn’t thought about the other guy but figured we could do something similar to our vacation fling - and told me I could pick someone out
This made me feel better but I slipped up and blurted out “well what was with you eye balling that dude at the gym last week when you brought the whole thing up”
She was kinda taken aback but then looked shamed and after a brief conversation she told me after our vacation threesome she had been kind of obsessed with the sexual encounter and loved the attention
It felt like a lot to unpack at first but her honesty really helped me understand - she told me it made her feel desired and attractive - assured me it’s not because I don’t show her enough of that - but coming from a stranger made it feel sexy
It was weird to hear but I thought on it for a moment and admitted I admire attractive strangers too and enjoy attention from them - it’s the internal part of me that knows it’ll never happen that clears my conscious - is my wife’s honesty about her fantasizing much different from me? Probably not.
Her MFM fantasies started after reading a novel with a few of those “scenes” and the protagonist’s husband was not only into it but supportive so I can see how it would soften up the topic and make her feel it was a legitimate ask
I admitted I was not into the idea of a MFM encounter at all - but still wanted to satisfy those desires as best I could while maintaining our exclusivity
She suggested another woman again but with some added tools that could mimic a male partner (fill in the blank there)
I reiterated that I wanted to avoid another partner all together - she took that really well and seemed to understand my emotions better.
The conversation ended really well and I actually feel so much better understanding her feelings at that deep level - I could relate to a lot of it if I’m honest and understand humans are sexual creatures that want to be admired and desired - but that doesn’t make my wife any less faithful to me or love me less. At the end of the day what we truly want is each other and to make each other happy.
She ordered a few toys that will better fulfill what she wants to try and she seemed genuinely excited which made me feel a lot better.
We both want to explore and expand our sex life - but with us at the center and would not compromise something real and lasting for short term gratification
TLDR;
I was honest with my wife and just put it all on the table: I didn’t want any more group sex, regardless of genders involved, but I want to understand why that’s something she wants and how we can compromise.
The ideas that she finds sexy about a MFM encounter I can accomplish with some role play and extra toys - making my wife feel comfortable enough to enjoy what she likes is an important role for me and I won’t shy away from it if she agrees to recognize my boundaries
As far as the flirtation and suggestion of an MFM I have put my big boy pants on and understand two things in order to move on:
1 - I like attention too, I’ve innocently flirted before, I like getting looks from attractive women, I fantasize sometimes. I clear my conscious because I would never act on them. Asking a human to never have sexual thoughts or deny themselves attention for the sake of ultra-strict monogamy is not sustainable. I don’t like to see it, but knowing my wife doesn’t have any IRL relationships that are questionable is the ultimate reason I know it’s harmless and relate to my own feelings to better understand. I should focus on being the best partner I can be without projecting insecurities.
2 - I have to take ownership that I had a threesome with another woman and my wife wasn’t bothered… why? I don’t fully understand but everyone’s different. I could have easily agreed to an MFM encounter and high-fived the guy afterwards if my brain was wired that way… but it’s not and the idea instead made me jealous and angry. That’s not my wife’s fault - and I should be willing to give her the chance to understand that’s not what I want and not resent her for suggesting it.
THE RECAP:
Again, I sincerely appreciate everyone’s thoughts and contributions
My wife and I communicate very well and I say with confidence that we reached an actionable conclusion.
I know what she wants and why - I know how I can give that to her without compromising on our relationship or my own boundaries
I understand that I should have never agreed to the first encounter as it likely cascaded into a lot more for my wife than it did for me - I would encourage anyone else who finds themselves in this situation to never go down that road at all.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Swdmwsd24

As I said a few times, communicate which you did and great job. My wife read your original post and was very much like, why is it okay for him to have another woman, but she can't have another guy. She said it always seemed to be the case. That men get what they want. We're not saying you really wanted it, but subconscious it could be a possibility. Toys may work for the time being, but what if she wants the real thing at some point? I understand about the jealousy and things. We're all human, and one thing stood out that you even said it in your first post that their were no flirting text or coworkers up until your vacation, but now you admit to flirting with other woman and like the attention from other woman. You got upset with her flirting, and now you see the issue and dealing with it that you both like having attention by others, and there is nothing wrong with it. You're not acting on it and don't want to, it seems like. Just keep open communication and see where it goes it may lead to her getting the MFM she would like. Open minds, communication, and strong hearts overcome everything. DM if you want. My wife will read the update as well.

OOP

Hey man thanks so much for the comment and even getting your wife’s opinion because that’s a big part of what I was looking for
Your breakdown is spot on - I know it’s probably a temporary fix but it has put a hard stop on group sex and we could find a way to move on which is my goal
As far as the flirting you made another good point but I’ll just clarify I said “flirty text messages” meaning my wife has always been faithful to me and never even given me a reason to think otherwise
My recap was definitely more honest because that was part of our conversation too - I understand that “innocent flirting” as I put it was more about attention in general and how I understand as an attractive person she gets attention and doesn’t mind - which I have to be honest and say I get that because I enjoy attention too
As far as getting some guys number and texting him or hanging out because of that attention.. never happens which is a big difference for me
All in all - you’re 100% right but I’m glad I managed to wind this down and hopefully I won’t put myself in a situation that dumb

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Long back story - My ex and I have been separated for most of my son’s life, I’ve had sole custody and raised him myself with my parents help since he was a newborn. I let my ex stay in our life out of the kindness of my heart despite what that devil put me through. The ex only ever came around for a few hours a week sometimes to play with him. Up until our son was nearly 7, when it’s “easier” to be a parent, he suddenly wanted split custody. He also abused our son and DCF got involved momentarily but never investigated my ex because my son had me - a safe place and a safe parent. I didn’t let him see our son for a few months since I was abused by him and I could see a pattern and didn’t want our son to go through that. He served me custody battle papers and it wasn’t easy for him nor did the mediator grant him what he demanded. He was ordered to pay me $400 a month in child support to start off with until we finalize everything. That amount will change some day, they’ll deal with back dated child support and make him pay back 50% of all health and dental expenses. Our case has been a stand still since after the 2nd mediation, but all stipulations are still followed until one of us decides to proceed in another hearing. Our son still lives with me me and I do everything for him, his father only gets 1 overnight a week and 1 Saturday every other week. What he was ordered to pay in child support isn’t all that much when all the expenses add up and I’m drowning in credit card debt. Also I struggle to hit 40 hrs a week since I leave in the middle of the work day to pick my son up from school and drop him off at the sitter’s house before I rush back to work.
TLDR: He owes me $2000+ and medical/dental expenses since January.. how do I approach him about it? What do I even say? I will be texting him once I can gather the right words since I like having documentation of everything. I will be reaching out to my attorney soon too because I can’t be the only one struggling raising our son when my ex is living his best life hardly doing anything for our son.

Before you read!
I'm 23.
The guy I'm dating right now NOT the narcissist, he's 24, I had a crush on him from 2018-2020, reconnected in 2023.
My ex The narcissist, he's 21, lied that he's 23. Cheated multiple times, lied about everything, assaulted, I could go on and on. Cheated in December 2022.
His ex He dated her from 2020 and got cheated on in 2021 December. She's 23. She's married now and even named her son after the guy I'm dating.
His girl bestfriend Supported him after the breakup throughout 2022 so he liked her in mid 2022. She's 23.
His bestfriend They've always been friends since childhood.
His bestfriend's girlfriend She's a nice girl but she is friends with his girl bestfriend.
Now here's what's the issue,
I reconnected with my crush from 2018-2020 in March 2023, fell for him again, I confessed for the first time about it all in June 2023. He confessed that he liked me in 2018, but he moved on in 2019 because he thought I didn't like him back. We fell for each other but didn't make it official though we acted like a couple because I was healing (from being cheated on in 2022) and I was honest about it. I started wanting commitment by February 2024.
In April 2024 he confessed that he had feelings for his girl bestfriend throughout 2022 because she was there for him after his breakup (when he got cheated on in 2021). However I wasn't comfortable as he didn't give me commitment because of him healing from her, he didn't confess it earlier. He told me they cut contact in February 2024. I know her personally, she was my classmate in 2017. She is a very nice person.
I am uncomfortable because he had feelings for her. He didn't give me commitment earlier (though we were talking from June 2023) because he was healing from her. He knew things won't work out with her in 2022 and she never liked him back. They had decided to stay friends because he knew his future partner would be uncomfortable and her future partner would be uncomfortable as well. He told me his best friend cut her off as well because of a fight and his best friend's girlfriend is still friends with him.
During the first date I saw a text message from the girl bestfriend he claimed that he blocked. She said "How was the date?". Then he told me that his friends told her we went on a date. He showed me the chat that there was no flirting involved. After I went home I started complaining and he blocked her.
He said they never talk, he forgot to block her on snap and so now he did. But I feel something so uneasy. He said he had her blocked on instagram and whatsapp.
He paid for the date, he travelled a long way (12 hours) to meet me, he dropped me, he was sick, he did everything, and then this. Also he's been putting in a lot of effort since July 2023. He told me his focus was on me all along and he knew things won't work out with her in 2022 because she never liked him back.
All I know is that he is 1000% better than my ex. My ex never respected my boundaries, cheated multiple times and even assaulted me, isolated me, controlled me, talked down on me. So compared to that, this feels like heaven, this guy replies to every part of the paragraph, there's genuine changed behaviour everytime I bring up something I'm uncomfortable with ever since last year.
How to move forward? Breakup or date him? Is he a green flag because he immediately blocked her and is so focused on me or is he a red flag? What should I interpret? How to understand? Does he really like me? Should I bring it up again

I need help. I recently got a new job and they asked me if they can just interac my payment for now so I can get paid today (i sent them my TD1-Form late so this is probably why.
From my understanding, they sent the money onto my email address was connected to a bank that I no longer have and made sure I’ve disconnected it to or my phone number which is not connected to any bank account.
Usually when people send me money on the same e-mail account I would just get an email asking me to pick a bank institution to send it to but now i only got a text from interac but no e-mail whatsoever.
I tried to contact INTERAC but they’re close now but i just really wanna make sure I have the money or at least get it sent back to my employer cause when I asked my employer they said that it went on auto-deposit.
If you’ve gone through this or know anything pls share it with me 😭

Interlinking is a fundamental SEO tactic for website designing companies, as it links one webpage to another within the same site. This improves the site's comprehensibility for search engines and streamlines user navigation.
By connecting pages internally, interlinking distributes page authority and enhances the overall SEO power across the website. This process helps search engines by making it easier to crawl and index the site effectively, leading to increased visibility in search results.
Furthermore, interlinking boosts user engagement by encouraging visitors to explore more of the site, potentially reducing bounce rates. A lower bounce rate signals to search engines the value and relevance of the content, positively affecting the site's SEO performance.
The strategic use of relevant anchor text in these links can further bolster SEO efforts. Anchor text should be clickable and directly related to the linked page’s content, enhancing link relevance.
An effective interlinking strategy also drives more page views, increasing the duration of user sessions, which search engines might view as an indicator of a high-quality website.
However, it’s crucial to apply interlinking judiciously. Overloading a page with excessive links can overwhelm users and appear spammy to search engines, which might damage rather than improve your SEO outcomes.

I would like advice on where to start as far as seeking treatment goes as I have no insurance, little money and will have to pay in cash for any diagnosis or labs.
I am a mid 40's male, overweight with no insurance, doctor ect. I have worn glasses since I was a kid and I have a severe astigmatism in one eye.
For 5 days now I have noticed my vision seems to progressively getting worse.
Day 1 I looked at the clock on the stove 25' away and it was blurry. I normally read it clearly with my glasses on. I thought it was just fatigue no big deal got some rest woke up the next day no change. Now everyday since it seems to get blurrier and now today The text on my TV 8' away is appearing blurry as well. When I take my glasses off it's blurrier than I ever remember it being without my glasses.
I have a family history of diabetes (Father type 1) (Grandmother type 2)
I have noticed more frequent trips to the bathroom during the night the past few weeks and maybe even a little more thirst. I know blurry vision can be associated with diabetes and my mom always told me to watch out for frequent urination or intense thirst since I was little. So my first thought is this is what I should be tested for. I have also read that blurry vision can be caused by a host of other things. So basically what I'm looking for is some advice on where do I start? Taking into consideration the first part of my post about little money and no insurance.
Do I make an appointment with the eye doctor and get my vision checked and see if when they do an exam they can shed more light on what might be causing it?
Do I make a minute clinic or cvs appt for a diabetes check with a glucose check and the A1C blood test?
Do use an online labs company to order some blood work in various categories that's drawn at a local clinic?
These are the things I have come up with. I know I could make an appointment at a local clinic as a walk in and pay cash I am just worried that would be the most expensive route with testing, blood work and racking up a bill I can't afford.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and hopefully comment. I hope it's not too vague or all over the place. I wish I had insurance and could just make an appointment and do whatever things they said with insurance paying for it but I don't have that ability right now. So I'm asking for your help because the vision stuff really scares me.
I wish I wasn't so gun shy about the costs associated with seeing a doctor but last year I got altitude sickness when I was in Colorado and had trouble breathing so I went to the hospital and it cost me $6,000 " I'm still paying for" just to check me out for a few hours and run a few labs and do an EKG.
Thanks for reading my post. Any recommendations are greatly appreciated!

It is easy to forget, as one is looking at old patents online, that not every inventor spoke English. I’ve looked at several interesting non-english patents in the past, and stumbled over an interesting looking one today too. It is for how to do attach a handle to your shaving apparatus. Or to put it in a different way; a handle attachment to your razor.
Patented by Paul Druseidt, the invention gives a razor that both pack flat and is easy to assemble. It consists of a normal-ish razor head and a U-shaped handle made from spring steel. The handle is ever so slightly smaller than the head of the razor and can nestle inside it.
Patent drawing from German patent 323,451
The key is the shape of the recesses or hole on the underside of the razor. The keyhole, if you will. As can be seen from the drawing, it was longer one way than the other, and had arches or troughs on either side.
The U-shaped handle was, as mentioned, springy. You would insert it along the long axis of the hole, then twist it 90°. The arches on either side would stop it from slipping back, and the tension of the spring steel would hold it in place. After shaving the handle could be twisted back, removed, and placed against the inside of the razor head
Or, to quote the patent;

…der U-förmig gebogene Handgriff 6 zwecks Befestigung an der Kammplatte 2 mit seinen federnden Enden 5 in zwei unter der Kammplatte vorgesehene muldenförmige Aussparungen 4 eingeführt und sodann um 90° gedreht wird, wobei die federnden Enden in zwei weitere, enger aneinander liegende, muldenförmige Aussparungen 3 eintreten und in diesen festgehalten werden, während er nach Gebrauch aus den muldenförmigen Aussparungen herausgezogen und von unten gegen die Kammplatte gelegt wird.

For those whose German is a bit rusty, the autotranslated version runs as follows:

…the U-shaped curved handle 6 for attachment to the comb plate 2 with its resilient Ends 5 inserted into two trough-shaped recesses 4 provided under the comb plate and then rotated by 90 °, the resilient ends in two more, narrower Adjacent, trough-shaped recesses 3 enter and held in these while he is pulled out of the trough-shaped recesses after use and is placed against the comb plate from below.

All clear and fairly straight forward.
I though initially that a top cap could have been fastened by the pair of hook shaped projections on the bottom plate. I also though that these projections also would have acted as blade guides for a normal Gillette three hole blade.
Further research showed me that maybe was no top cap, and the hooks just held on to a proprietary blade. The first hint came in Waits’ Razor Compendium. Waits’ Compendium do mention a Druseidt razor – along with the similar Impero and Ratio razor. And in the description of the later, Waits states that “the special thick double-edged blade has two square holes and two centre oval dimples”.
Waits’ Compendium also mentions that “later versions has two pieces”, by which he seems to mean that at least the late production Ratio was made with a top cap. This in turn matches with pictures I found in a thread over on Shaving Universe, which clearly shows a top cap.
A top cap, I might add, that looks very much like Waits’ description of a “special thick double edged blade”…
Was Waits just confusing a poor quality picture of a top cap for a proprietary blade? Quite possible. It could simply be that a lot of the Druseidt, Impero, and Ratio razors that have survived have lost their top caps over the years.
Interestingly all three of the razors mentioned also have u-shaped handles. But none of the three has the handle attachment method described in the patent. Instead they uses a swinging out handle, which still relies on spring pressure to lock in place.
Overall the Druseidt patent looks like it would make an interesting razor, possible more interesting than the Druseidt razors that were actually manufactured.
You can read the full text of Druseidt’s patent at Espacenet, or a translated version at Google Patents.

SSL stands for Secure Sockets Layer, a crucial security technology for any website. It establishes an encrypted connection between a web server and a browser, ensuring that all data transmitted remains confidential and secure, similar to sealing a letter in an envelope.
For a Website Designing Company, SSL is vital as it protects the site's data when visitors interact with it. This includes securing sensitive information such as credit card details and personal data, thereby maintaining trust and confidentiality.
To activate SSL, a website must obtain an SSL certificate from a certification authority. This certificate serves as a website's identity verification, akin to an identity card.
There are various types of SSL certificates, categorized based on the level of verification and encryption they offer, including Domain Validated (DV), Organization Validated (OV), and Extended Validation (EV) certificates.
Additionally, SSL enhances a website's reliability; sites with SSL display a lock symbol in the address bar, signaling security to visitors. Google also favors HTTPS-enabled websites, which can boost your site's search engine ranking.

It is easy to forget, as one is looking at old patents online, that not every inventor spoke English. I’ve looked at several interesting non-english patents in the past, and stumbled over an interesting looking one today too. It is for how to do attach a handle to your shaving apparatus. Or to put it in a different way; a handle attachment to your razor.
Patented by Paul Druseidt, the invention gives a razor that both pack flat and is easy to assemble. It consists of a normal-ish razor head and a U-shaped handle made from spring steel. The handle is ever so slightly smaller than the head of the razor and can nestle inside it.
Patent drawing from German patent 323,451
The key is the shape of the recesses or hole on the underside of the razor. The keyhole, if you will. As can be seen from the drawing, it was longer one way than the other, and had arches or troughs on either side.
The U-shaped handle was, as mentioned, springy. You would insert it along the long axis of the hole, then twist it 90°. The arches on either side would stop it from slipping back, and the tension of the spring steel would hold it in place. After shaving the handle could be twisted back, removed, and placed against the inside of the razor head
Or, to quote the patent;

…der U-förmig gebogene Handgriff 6 zwecks Befestigung an der Kammplatte 2 mit seinen federnden Enden 5 in zwei unter der Kammplatte vorgesehene muldenförmige Aussparungen 4 eingeführt und sodann um 90° gedreht wird, wobei die federnden Enden in zwei weitere, enger aneinander liegende, muldenförmige Aussparungen 3 eintreten und in diesen festgehalten werden, während er nach Gebrauch aus den muldenförmigen Aussparungen herausgezogen und von unten gegen die Kammplatte gelegt wird.

For those whose German is a bit rusty, the autotranslated version runs as follows:

…the U-shaped curved handle 6 for attachment to the comb plate 2 with its resilient Ends 5 inserted into two trough-shaped recesses 4 provided under the comb plate and then rotated by 90 °, the resilient ends in two more, narrower Adjacent, trough-shaped recesses 3 enter and held in these while he is pulled out of the trough-shaped recesses after use and is placed against the comb plate from below.

All clear and fairly straight forward.
I though initially that a top cap could have been fastened by the pair of hook shaped projections on the bottom plate. I also though that these projections also would have acted as blade guides for a normal Gillette three hole blade.
Further research showed me that maybe was no top cap, and the hooks just held on to a proprietary blade. The first hint came in Waits’ Razor Compendium. Waits’ Compendium do mention a Druseidt razor – along with the similar Impero and Ratio razor. And in the description of the later, Waits states that “the special thick double-edged blade has two square holes and two centre oval dimples”.
Waits’ Compendium also mentions that “later versions has two pieces”, by which he seems to mean that at least the late production Ratio was made with a top cap. This in turn matches with pictures I found in a thread over on Shaving Universe, which clearly shows a top cap.
A top cap, I might add, that looks very much like Waits’ description of a “special thick double edged blade”…
Was Waits just confusing a poor quality picture of a top cap for a proprietary blade? Quite possible. It could simply be that a lot of the Druseidt, Impero, and Ratio razors that have survived have lost their top caps over the years.
Interestingly all three of the razors mentioned also have u-shaped handles. But none of the three has the handle attachment method described in the patent. Instead they uses a swinging out handle, which still relies on spring pressure to lock in place.
Overall the Druseidt patent looks like it would make an interesting razor, possible more interesting than the Druseidt razors that were actually manufactured.
You can read the full text of Druseidt’s patent at Espacenet, or a translated version at Google Patents.

Okay, this will be the last text I send (unless something happens getting my brother out of the hole right now.)
If there's no action taken by you, I plan to go on to the next person in your Chain of Command. (I mean this in the kindest way) (ask Trav) I'm just fighting for what's right .(...and he was sentenced harshly for a crime that did not fit his case.)
He is also my best friend.
The truth Always Wins. Travis is a good human being. He has had a rough start to life. He is different now. I can finally see he isnt angry and forgives. (I am learning this from him now.)
He is in the whole right now because a 240 Lb man named Arthur punched him in the face after Trav told him to "Fuck Off." While on the ground being restrained by Guards he was kicked in the eye socket with steel-toed boots!!
Now he sits in the hole with a note on the door if your not going to be nice, ...... Be Nice.
This breaks my heart, my parents, my kids and his Liberty hearts. His Charge is the worst of the Worst and he didn't do that.
He got jumped and is being punished by Guards that dislike him.
The guard that's on duty tonight only allowed him 30 minutes on the phone the guard last night. Let him have an hour. So we only got to talk to me today for 30 min.
Again, all we need is one good person in Charge to stand up for him. This is wrong on so many accounts.
Today he received the abbreviations for blood panel results... Example: A1C. 5.3 Test 479 EFT. 4 (Those are his actual reading)
He called me with a 30 minute phone call. He was allowed so I could look it up and it appears that he has going through kidney failure. He got a note from the doctors in the prison saying he needs to be seen right away. Yet he's still stuck in the hole right now.
This incident that happened to land Travis Harp in the "hole" happened last Thursday 03/02/23. When Arthur and Trav met in the kitchen at 4 am.
The last 9 years have been a whirl wind of terrible mistreating while being imprisoned. Trav also told me that we're apart of the reason that he was able to go to the honor camp. You must have seen the good in Trav. He is a good Man.
Please act now. I know you have a family emergency and I am REALLY sorry for this.
But if they choose to add last Thursday's incidents to his point system, Travis says they'll send him back to Rawlins. He's getting out in 8 months. This was planned. Him getting punched in the face and kicked in the face.
If you have any downtime, I would be the most grateful person. If you would contact the prison and make it right, you have that authority right?
Eagerly waiting your response,
MY NAME HERE
He just wants to work with Dad at his place in Sheridan. When he saves enough money for land and (he says) a tailor. Then move to be near me and our family.
Sorry for the book. You are the first person to say you will look into Travis Harps Multiple appeals.
This is conversation between the warden of the prison (where my brother's at) and I this evening. I need honest thoughts.
We need to get together sometime and have a chat about life .
Wyoming has huge issues. One of them is their prison systems.
Free my Little brother!!

I've been reading a book that has brought some comfort to me in my time of grief. In that book, it states that deep losses actually make you a more compassionate person unless you were naturally an apathetic person to begin with. I wholehearted agreed with this because a colleague is currently going through similar situation to what happened with my sister and I found myself actively showing up for her more as compared to what I would've done before going through deep grief myself. However, I've had friends who have really disappointed me in this time of grief by simply not being there for me and I'm wondering if if I would be the asshole for not actively being there them should they one day go through grief themselves. I think I'd at least offer my condolences but I don't know if I can do more than that. For context -
I (32F) lost my sister (33F) this year due to a massive stroke which eventually led to a cardiac arrest during her post-op recovery. My sister and I are very close and her death was a very profound loss for me. During the entire time she was in the hospital, I was updating all friend groups to keep my sister in thoughts and prayers to pull through. As my sister went into cardiac arrest while I was there, I was still updating/begging all friend groups to pray for her to pull through.
Context 1: During the entire time from the stroke to the recovery, my friends (2 of them, both 32F) were supportive. They came down for the wake but didn't reach out on the day of the funeral or after. One of them had only reached out a month after my sister's death but it felt insincere. She said things like "sorry for not reaching out, I've been thinking about you but April has been so busy". I don't mean to notice this but I saw that she was very much active on social media in April. However, I totally understand some people do not have the capacity to be there for someone in their grief or to be there when they are not in the right headspace too so I closed an eye for it. I was disappointed but I let it go. Then she asked if I was open to meeting up and I said yes, and then no reply. But on the day itself, she again, posted something on her socials. A few days after that, she reached out to me and said sorry for the late reply, she fell sick over the weekend. At this point, I was really quite done so I took my time to reply that text. The day after that, it was my birthday, and she sent yet another text to wish me and that she'd like to meet me the following week if possible. So I replied and said thanks, but I can't that week, maybe the next. Although I was still disappointed and a little angry, I still wanted to try for this friendship. It's been a few days now, and again, she hasn't replied but she's been posting on her socials. The other friend (32F) in the same friend group hasn't said anything to me at all since she saw me at the wake, and she didn't even greet me happy birthday. It's not like I want to track who or who hasn't wished me and nor was I in the mood to celebrate this year, but I can't help but to notice.
Context 2: the friend who reached out to me but kept ghosting me - she has a younger sister and she is VERY close to her sister. I thought she would've at least understood how that loss must've been for me. The friend who hasn't said anything to me at all, she's not close to her family and she's the kind of friend who never initiates plans, she waits for people to initiate them.
Losing my sister has changed my perspective quite a bit. I don't have the patience for trivial matters or complaints and I definitely sit in the camp of people should reach out to you first cause you might not want to burden them with telling them how heavy your heart is with this grief. But I do understand that not everyone knows what to say or that some think that giving us our space is what we might need. But I've been actively posting about my pain and they've been seeing it, and not one of them has made actual attempts to reach out or to fulfill their intention of meeting with me.