Disclaimer: This post is about the Godot community and the Code of Conduct, not the engine nor its development.

First I will provide the context.
As of late, certain people on social media have been getting blocked by the Godot Engine's official twitter account. With the onset of pride month, Godot's community manager(s) have begun to celebrate pride month and members of the LGBT community in an effort to bring inclusivity into the community and game development as a whole.
Some members of the community felt that this was inappropriate. While these topics unfortunately tend to spawn in the bad apples, there were members that had genuine concerns and wishes for the community to not cater to one specific group, to instead remain neutral or cater to everyone, and several other concerns that were posted in a productive and respectful manner. These people were blocked by the Godot Engine twitter account without any warning. In addition to members being blocked, several respectful comments were hidden by the Godot Engine account, such as this one (click on Kenney's reply and you will see the previous tweet is hidden).
Juan Linietsky, the creator of the engine, took to twitter to make posts where he clarified his stance and the Godot Code of Conduct on the matter, and his intent of making the Godot and game development community a safe and respectful place for everyone.

Now for the point of the post itself:
The Godot Code of Conduct begins by stating:

The Godot project is an international community open to everyone without discrimination. We want this community to be a safe and welcoming place for both newcomers and current members. Everyone should feel comfortable and accepted regardless of their personal background and affiliation to the Godot project.

However, Juan has made statements that are contradictory to this as well as to other aspects of the CoC not quoted. When questioned over the fact that a member was blocked for not wanting one group of people promoted over another, Juan stated

Look, as my OP says, want to take part in the communities? keep your views to yourself. It's as simple as that. This is not a democracy, this is private property where the owner reserves the right to show the door to anyone they dislike, without having to explain anything.

How can the project be open to everyone without discrimination, if the project managers will be showing the door to anyone they dislike? This is definitely not welcoming, and makes it harder to feel comfortable and accepted. It sends a message that the only acceptable discussion, opinions, topics, and characters are the ones specifically chosen and allowed by the community managers and project leaders. This is discrimination. This is also a bad look for a community of a project that prides itself in being open source. Furthermore, there is no room for productive and organic growth in the community if any attempt of discussion that doesn't fall in line with what the community managers want is immediately shot down and hidden away, even if done in compliance with the CoC.
Juan also stated in regards to the CoC that

we prefer to uphold it than to discuss it. So my best recommendation is to accept it as is in order to engage

and later commented

Well, you have to realize that online communities are private property, so you can discuss rules and politics as much as you want, but ultimately the owner decides who is to stay.

This contradicts one of the expectation points in the CoC that states

Feedback is always welcome but keep your criticism constructive [...] Use the community platforms to discuss improvements, not to vent out frustration. Similarly, when other users offer you feedback please accept it gracefully

This brings us to the next point. Juan and the Godot Engine twitter account has made it clear that certain discussions, opinions, topics, and characters are not allowed. If they wish to keep it this way, so be it. However, the Code of Conduct then needs to be updated to reflect this. I also believe that the CoC should also make it clear to community members what discussions, opinions, topics, and characters are allowed. Otherwise the Godot community becomes a minefield where one misstep has you blocked and "shown the door" without any warning nor explanation.
If you feel like I may have misinterpreted something, or that there is missing context, please provide it.
Since this is reddit, it needs to be stated: this is not about whether you agree or disagree with LGBT. This post is about the Godot project appearing to be in violation/contradiction of their code of conduct. Please keep any replies on topic, related to the Godot CoC and statements made by the community and project managers, and most importantly keep them respectful.

Today I had an absolute EXCELLENT time with my Logitech device. I want to share my absolutely positive experience with y'all!
I have an MX Anywhere mouse - the OG MX Anywhere. It is an excellent pointing device. Toggling between detent and undetent scrolling is achieved with a satisfying click. This behaviour ensures it doesn't face the same issues that the MX Master 3 faces, where the scroll wheel slips in detent mode (when the auto-switching to smooth scrolling is turned off), ensuring consistent feel and intentional functionality. The battery life is fantastic, the accuracy is decent for a non-gaming mouse user, and the latency/range is solid enough. The product has lasted me a while, and honestly looks brand new. It has got an excellent heft to it, the Teflon hasn't worn out, and feels like it was made by nature - almost like a pebble smoothed over by ozmandyian nature.
However, these are only true when I can ACTUALLY FUCKING USE THE GODDAMN DEVICE.
All I want to do is pair the device with my unifying receiver - that's all. I want to use it as a pointing device on a 4-5-year-old MacBook and use the 2 buttons and a scroll wheel. I don't want to use the two side buttons because my expectations are low. Everything you read down below is done WITHOUT A GODDAMN POINTING DEVICE.
I remember there was a Unifying Software that kinda allowed me to link mice to receivers. It had its issues, and it didn't have sexy, useless, investor-friendly AI features, but it got the job done after some fiddling. It then stayed out of the way - at least that is how I remember it. I also remember Logi Options being released once, and I downloaded it to try it out but it always had an issue with my mouse - no big deal, I can still point and click. However, there is now a "Logi Options+". Oh wow, has Logitech's work culture become Google-like where an imbecile PM needs to build useless shit to advance their career? Is this another "publish or perish" situation? No worries, it's alright. The benefit of the doubt here; sometimes hardware and software stacks change - I understand - I am a computer engineer currently "enjoying" a USB stack change. No worries, let me just research what to get for my laptop. Maybe the software page will help.
35 different, discrete software "solutions"... without descriptions so you gotta click through them without a pointing device to find what you want? Okay...
Let me just go to the Logitech website and search for "MX Anywhere" - I bet that will help. Oh, only the newest one shows up - my bad, that does seem fair. I presumably don't want to see the HTC One M8 when I search for phones on HTC's website today. Fair enough. Let me search the support website for "MX Anywhere" - 6 PAGES AND 55 FUCKIN PRODUCTS BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE "MX" IN THEIR NAME? Who comes up with this shit?
Maybe I am the idiot - I should refine it further by going through their website and endlessly clicking "tab" since my mouse DONT FUCKIN WORK RIGHT NOW. Okay, "Support" -> "Mice and Pointers". Holy Fuck do I gotta go through all these by clicking this taunting purple "See More" at the bottom of the page?
Okay fine - this is a Reddit-like situation. There are a fair bit of products and it's difficult to organize them. Sure, questions related to search functionality design are discussed in collegiate classes and a company as ubiquitous as Logitech should have it fixed, but it's okay, no worries. After this rigmarole, the least I can do is search Google, right?
WRONG, BITCH!
NO, I CANNOT. Put "MX Anywhere" in? Nothing but new shit. Put the Model Number in? Nothing except for Amazon links to buy this 2010 product. Put Model Number + MX Anywhere? A FUCKIN INSTRUCTIONAL PDF without shit on it.
Alright, fine trial and error it is then! Start with "Logi Options+" - Newer is better, right? That's why they made it! Wrong, douchebag. Download it, install it, allow all permissions, avoid the data nightmares, see the new sexy AI options, try to connect the mouse, and receive a "Device Not Supported" error message. Alright, no worries - I did say trial and error after all.
Let us try "Logi Options" - Download, install, allow all permissions, avoid signing in and sharing my device data..... Oh, I need to uninstall Options+ first. Okay, uninstall, reinstall, and reallow all permissions. Boom - can't do anything with this PoS. Wrong again, dicknose!
I get I am frustrated - maybe Reddit can help... Wait there's a web-based link utility? This is awesome! Why isn't this advertised more readily? Let me click on, power cycle my device, and FAIL TO CONNECT because my device times out EXACTLY ON POWER CYCLING. Their bug literally times out exactly when it recognizes the device? This is like a Larry David bit - I can almost hear the tuba playing. Oh, this bug has been reported as not being resolved on a Reddit post that is 9 months old? Yeah, bro, it works on my system why are you annoying me?
Let me try SetPoint maybe - oh the download page doesn't fuckin work. Great! Find it on my backups and tried installing it, and still doesn't work. Cool bro, have you tried not being a sucker that wants functionality for what they paid for?
Ok fiiiiiiiine - I will try LCC. The page says to use Options+. WTF? It says I should visit the compatibility page. MX Anywhere is compatible with Logi Options AND Logi Options+? I don't think so buddy - the product itself said so during runtime. Also, which one should I use, idiots?
Is it too much to ask for a User Experience (not good or bad, just "a")? Is it too much to ask your product to work? Logitech explicitly tells me to pound sand.
Signed, A guy STILL WITHOUT A FUCKING POINTING DEVICE.
P.S.: Your chatbot's "pinging" was the straw that broke the camel's back. You obviously did not learn from Samsung's failure with TouchWiz's "bloop" water droplet touch sounds. Dropping 5-10 links when I say "NO" is SAE behaviour.

I start by quoting the Moroccan woman Asma Lamrabet [1]:
"Since there is a difference between Hijab and Khimar, we have the right to ask why do we keep using the term Hijab for what has been named in the Qur'an scarf or Khimar?"
Lisaan al-Arab defines the word hijab as something that covers [2].
"الحِجابُ: السِّتْرُ. حَجَبَ الشيءَ..."
So, what is problematic about calling something that women wear by the word hijab when used in the Arabic dialects? It is in the end a word that simply means something that covers. Well, Asma Lamrabet explains [1].
"By considering Hijab as sacred and disregarding the Islamic vocabulary of Khimar, a new Islamic social code is invented to endorse the separation of men and women."
This similar shift of terminology in Tunisian society has an ideological footprint that shows the change of values and also actors in the formation of cultural norms. Along this change, new words become subjected to the scrutiny of those that wish to point out the false gender dichotomies that is formed by patriarchal societies.
Gisela Bock describes the dynamic of how a dichotomy between women and men creates exclusive categories that define each gender [3].
"When, for instance, gender is constructed on a model of mutually exclusive, binary opposites, if men are defined as rational, then women are defined by an absence of rationality. In this construction, for the woman to take on rationality is for her to begin to assimilate to the male norm and thus to begin to cease to be a woman."
Similarly, the idea of women clothing themselves and using names for every cloth is not a neutral process free of gender dichotomies when political and theological forces, patriarchal by nature, overlap and produce what later becomes widespread words used in everyday life. Hijab as a concept and word is a product of a patriarchal understanding that go beyond female nudity and touches the idea of female and male participation in society. By wearing a khimar, rather than a hijab, a woman is covering her naked body. On the other hand, wearing a hijab is an active participation in the ongoing projection of patriarchal ideas of femininity onto society that transforms clothing into a criteria for female participation. Therefore, a man has no hijab to wear for he is by default a participant, while a woman have several ideological discourses affecting her that indulge in defining female participation through her appearance. Lamrabat laments this by saying the following [1].
"Unfortunately, the whole Qur'anic ethics seem today to be reduced to women’s dress and body, to the way they should be covered, the color, thickness and uniformity of the dress."
Hijab as a word and concept is used to overlap between sinister ideological frameworks and the everyday life of people in Muslim majority populations. It is not just a matter of a woman hiding a naked body with clothes. It has in modern times become a symbol for religion and participation in its name in society. In some instances, hijab is the religion of women. It is her Islam, different from the Islam of men, and a part of making this a reality is the introduction of a new word like hijab. And what is strange is that this process is still ongoing while many still defend the use of the word hijab as if they are the owners of the word. It is as if the patriarchal context does not involve them at all. We can all use whatever words we like, but incorporating the history of oppression and the ideological expressions of patriarchy in our awareness will force us to see a changing world that normalizes misogyny. It becomes then a choice to adapt towards a discourse that decouples women's clothing from her religious identity. This is partly done by changing the word hijab to khimar as an ideological stance against misogyny.
[1] http://asma-lamrabet.com/articles/how-does-the-qur-an-address-the-issue-of-muslim-woman-s-veil-or-hijab/
[2] http://arabiclexicon.hawramani.com/%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%A8/
[3] Bock, G. (1991). Challenging Dichotomies: Perspectives on Women’s History. In: Offen, K., Pierson, R.R., Rendall, J. (eds) Writing Women’s History. Palgrave Macmillan, London.

How I passed the NCLEX in 85 without buying resources (eg. Uworld), cause some of us are broke! This is a long post but I wanted to be detailed for those who are super worried and want specifics!
1 Mark K: keep in mind that they are a bit old, the principles are generally the same though and was a helpful refresher. Lectures can be found online along with his lecture notes (search "Mark K free online").

• Create your own notes: I followed his notes but also made my own on a separate doc, it made it easier for me to navigate and allowed me to add in extra info from other resources (add info learned from practice questions!). I listened to the lectures once. Then I went over my notes a couple days before my exam, highlighting the key info I kept forgetting. The day before my exam I only reviewed the info I highlighted.
• Main topics from him that came up on my exam included adrenal/thyroid issues (eg. Cushing's), peds development + teaching (Piaget), and maternity.
• Warning: you will still need to supplement your studies. He only goes over a handful of conditions. Go through every body system after starting practice questions and write down pertinent conditions, just know what each are in general. I used some old class notes.
• Note: Mark K uses brand names. NCLEX only uses generic. You also do not need to remember lab values for next-gen!

2 Practice questions

• I searched up/downloaded a bunch of old Uworld. Also try extra searches online such as "free Uworld practice questions online". One I downloaded by searching "PDFCOFFEE Uworld 2015", I got to about page 1500 on that doc before my exam + did some other PDFs. Warning: some online links are finicky and you have to play around with them/delete many popup tabs.
• When self-scoring, remember SATA questions now give partial points (search up scoring rules).
• Nurselabs: I ran out of time to use this, but used it a bit during school. Tons of free questions + rationales.

3 Free trials

• After you have done a ton of PDF questions, do free trials. You want to do these near the end when you have a decent understanding of question format. Trials will give you exposure to the NCLEX testing format.
• Archer: has a great "24 hr" free trial. You can use it for longer than 24hrs but the question bank will reset meaning it may give you previously tested questions.
• NCLEX BootCamp: also a good free trial. I really liked that many questions have videos of people actually doing the questions/explaining them. It also has a readiness exam.
• Uworld: this trial is not as good but, free is free. It had 50 questions, many of them testing the same topics.
• FYI: if you end up wanting to buy them, there are many discount codes floating around Reddit.

4 Extra resources/tips/info

• Videos: obviously search up videos for topics you need clarification (eg. simple nursing, level-up RN)
• Saunder's textbook (bad idea, big waste of time imo): after Mark K I thought having a good baseline of the material would be best before doing practice questions so I started studying the textbook. It has waaaay too much info that's too specific, you'd never remember all of it. Went through half and it didn't help me answer a single question. It could be helpful for topic clarification but I thought videos on x2 speed were better. If you do want it, it's free on LibGen.
• NCLEX Crusade 7 day training YouTube: when I started questions I was miserable! I was getting everything wrong at first :(. That's why it's best to jump right into questions after Mark K cause they test on the most RANDOM shit that you cannot possibly create a baseline for it all. Learn how to answer questions based on type/format. I watched Crusade x2 speed which gave some helpful tips on how to prioritize. They are long, he stops a lot so you have to skip a lot, only watch if you have time.
  • Important tip: use M-ABC's and Maslow's hierarchy (pain is considered psychological not physical), for prioritization ask "is this a normal finding for this condition?", NCLEX is a "perfect" world.
• Vocab list: make a list of common term you keep forgetting. Questions are hard to answer if you don't know what the symptom means. Go over them a few days before your exam.
• Suffixes: very important to know! It's the best way to get through pharm. NCLEX also tests a lot on procedures. Learn ending such as "itis", "ectomy", "scopy", "otomy".
• Note conditions you see over and over in practice questions. For me i noticed: myasthenia gravis, guillian barre, diverticulosis/itis, pancreatitis, appendicitis, sickle cell. For Canadians, note scope differences between UNAs (HCA), LPNs, RNs.
• NCLEX sample: while they don't have answer keys, the NCLEX website has samples of the exams. Read through a couple just to get a sense of differences between the official thing and practice questions (don't read them all cause the no answers will just freak you out).
• Ask a friend!: there is no shame in asking friends who have written the exam already if you can use the remainder of their test bank subscriptions. I ended up doing one readiness exam thanks to a friend.

5 Overall

• I was answering average 40-50% questions correctly for about 2 weeks at the very beginning and averaged 70-80% correctly near the end. I studied 1 month and 2 weeks while working full-time.
• You will feel like you still know nothing and that you are guessing everything because the questions are so random, that's normal. Honestly, I almost feel like the NCLEX was just made to force us to study instead of testing our nursing knowledge.
• Lastly, believe in yourselves! Hope this was helpful! Good luck!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Content Warning: Domestic Abuse
***
We pulled off I-51 a little after midnight, stopping at a truck stop which was couched between the highway and a large forest.
We waited in the van for ten minutes or so. Trent had increased the sonar radius to its maximum of 30 miles a little over an hour ago. Somehow the red pings had kept up with us, holding a steady distance of around 20 miles. Considering we were averaging around 80 mph, and a coyote's top speed is only around 40 mph, we figured they had been enhanced in some way. Either that, or they shape-shifted into something faster. Regardless, now that we had stopped, we waited to see if the demon spawn would try and close the distance. Luckily, or unluckily, they didn't. They kept their 20 mile buffer, but we noticed they were beginning to spread out along the circumference of that boundary.
"We're close. They know that, so they're trying to trap us in." Trent said.
"Trying to?—more like they have."
We considered whether we should stay in the van and keep watch, but we figured that would do us little good. At their speed, they could be on us in ten minutes, which means we would need to stay up all night and keep tabs on their positions. Trent offered to stay up, of course, but I shut him down.
"The demon doesn't want to kill us now. You said it yourself. Plus, we need our rest. If they come, they come."
Trent didn't like it, but he acquiesced.
The truck stop had all the essentials: a gas station and mini mart with showers and an attached McDonald's, a large parking lot for truckers to idle and sleep, and even a section with lodging for those who wanted a more comfortable night's rest. I told Trent that he should take advantage of the showers, and after a little convincing, he agreed. While he was cleaning himself up, I patrolled the dingy, half-stocked aisles of "Daisy's Quick Mart". I probably would have been appalled at the quality of the store had I actually been paying any attention to it whatsoever. But I wasn't. I was thinking hard about what awaited me tomorrow.
During the drive, I had asked Trent why the demon would want us to return to the crash site. What did he mean that I would be 'confronting a dark entity in a place he couldn't help me'? He seemed hesitant to answer, but my little stunt outside the storage facility seemed to have sufficiently motivated him.
"When I said I've never done this before, I meant it." Trent started. "I've never done this exact thing before—meaning I've never projected someone into the past."
"So, I'm time traveling?" I asked.
"No—don't think of it like that." Trent paused, trying to come up with a good explanation. "It's more like I'm opening a window for you to look through: not a door. You're going to see the past, but you can't interact with the physicalities there. But that doesn't mean you can't interact with anything."
There was a space of silence as Trent tried to let me work out his meaning for myself. "I don't get it. Are you saying there's something I can interact with? Like what?" And then it hit me. "The demon. The demon can interact with me? Meaning what? It can kill me?"
"Meaning… I'm not exactly sure. You're going to be in a kind of psychic space. If it does damage, it won't be to your body. It'll be to your mind—or spirit. But I don't know what the limits of that damage could be. I just don't have those answers."
"If you've never done this, how do you know any of it will work?"
"That's an easy one." Trent answered. "Because it's been done to me."
There was silence.
"Look, if I know anything, I know my tech. Don't doubt that this will work. It's my job to make sure it does. I just need you to be in the right mental for this. Just because it knows your coming doesn't mean it automatically has the upper hand. It won't be able to see you unless you make contact with it first. In other words, you have to initiate contact. As long as you remain a spectator, you should be okay. Trust me. Just don't make contact."
I started pacing faster—fast enough to catch the attention of the overnight shift worker, a young man whose name I can't quite remember. I know it started with a "J". Jake, maybe? Anyway, he asked if I was alright, to which I responded in the affirmative. He left me alone for another couple passes, but when I almost ran into one of the shelves, he stood up and said, "Uh—I'm going to have to ask you to stop running around. I don't want you to hurt yourself."
I must have stared daggers at him, because he recoiled from my gaze. What's gotten into me? I thought. Then, steadying myself, I apologized. I looked around and grabbed the nearest edible looking piece of merchandise: a bag of Swedish Fish, and placed it down on the counter. "Just this, please."
The cashier rang me up. It was surprisingly cheap.
"Are you sure you're alright?" the young man asked. He was tall with brown hair. He seemed tired—maybe even more tired than me. But he also seemed kind.
I smiled as best I could and said, "No, I'm not. But there's not really anything you can do. Hell, there might not be anything I can do." I furrowed my eyebrows at my own response, realizing that imminent death may have broken my verbal filter.
On the other hand, the cashier did not seem surprised at all. "Ah, I see. It's one of those problems." He responded. "Well, hey, for what it's worth, you seem like one of the resilient ones. I think you'll be alright."
I only smiled and nodded at his mildly cryptic comment. Looking back, the whole interaction was a bit strange, but I had way too much mental clutter to recognize that in the moment. I took my Swedish Fish and walked through the anteroom which led to McDonald's. I found an open yellow booth that wasn't littered with crumpled straw sleeves and sat down, chomping mindlessly on my little red fish until Trent returned. When he arrived, he took my place, and I went to shower. After we were both clean and fed, we returned to the van. The pings were still pushed safely out of harm's way. But that didn't mean we were out of harm's way. Trent asked me if I wanted to sleep in the van, saying that "it'd be the safest place."
I thought it over. He was right, obviously. The van was not only outfitted with weapons I couldn't even begin to understand, but it was also our escape, and it would be just as difficult, if not more difficult to break into than the studio-style motel rooms with their wood doors and big windows. Still, if this was going to be my last night on earth, I wanted to sleep in a bed. A real bed. Trent understood and said he'd stay parked right outside my room for the night.
After purchasing a key from the night attendant, I moseyed over to the cement walkways which connected the twenty or so rooms. Mine was room #56, which I thought was odd since, like I said, there were only 20 rooms. I lugged in my tomato plushie and dad's old book and placed them on the queen mattress.
"I'll be right outside." Trent said after I collapsed onto the bed.
"Trent," I called out, stopping him half-way through the door.
"Yeah?"
All the blood in my body rushed up to my face as I realized my unfiltered mouth almost reflexively said the word "stay". I stared at Trent, my heart beating, my face hot. I considered asking him to sleep on the floor like my dad, but that would be childish and impolite. The alternative was to share my bed… Or I could take the floor.
"I'll just be right outside." Trent said before my mind processed a solution. "Come by if you need anything. I'll be up most of the night anyway."
"Okay," I replied in a faint voice.
Trent shut the door.
I sat atop the bedsheets and acquainted myself with my new living space. A feeling of regret closed over me as I considered that even sleeping on a carseat would have been better if it meant I didn't have to be alone. With a sigh, I turned on the bedside lamp and grabbed the book and stuffed tomato, using the tomato as a backrest as I slipped my legs under the covers and situated the book upright on my thighs. I cracked it open and was immediately blasted with a puff of dusty, old book scent. It was ripe at first, and I turned my head away to sneeze, but as I perused through the pages, the scent grew on me. It reminded me of the days growing up when I'd step into dad's study and read through one of the many volumes on cryptic topics which were at least two college degrees above my Lexile range.
I was only a couple minutes into browsing the collection of different scientific and philosophical works when I came across a page which contained highlighted text. This was unusual, as my dad would never mark up his books. He was a purist on that point. I rubbed my thumb over the yellow lines, and sure enough, it was highlighter.
The highlighted text was part of a small book by Carl Jung called "Synchronicity". There were a total of three pages that were marked, and they advanced like this:
Page 5:
The philosophical principle that underlies our conception of natural law is causality*. But if the connection between cause and effect turns out to be only statistically valid and relatively true, then the causal principle is only of relative use for explaining natural processes… That is as much to say that the connection of events may in certain circumstances be other than causal, and require another principle of explanation.*
Page 19:
…there are events which are related to one another experimentally, and in this case meaningfully*, without there being any possibility of proving that this relation is a causal one, since the "transmission" exhibits none of the known properties of energy…a situation which does not yet exist and will only occur in the future could transmit itself as a phenomenon of energy to a receiver in the present…Therefore, it cannot be a question of cause and effect, but of a falling together in time, a kind of simultaneity... "synchronicity"*
Page 22:
A young woman I was treating had, at a critical moment, a dream in which she was given a golden scarab. While she was telling me this dream I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly I heard a noise behind me, like a gentle tapping. I turned round and saw a flying insect knocking against the window pane from outside. I opened the window and caught the creature in the air as it flew in. It was the nearest analogy to a golden scarab that one finds in our latitudes, a scarabaeid beetle, the common rose-chafer… which contrary to its usual habits had evidently felt an urge to get into a dark room at this particular moment.
I flipped through the rest of the pages of the book. There was no more highlighted text, but there was a message on the last page which read:
Matthew 7:7-8
I'll meet you in the darkest place.
He also included his typical smiley face which had an ovular shape and three sprouts of hair which I now realized kind of resembled my tomato plushie. It was my dad's writing, of course. But why? And how? What did this mean?
The motel had a Bible stashed away in the nighstand drawer. I got it out and looked up the verses which read the following:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
I spent maybe an hour ruminating on all of this. The whole discourse on energy and causality and a "falling together in time" just seemed so right. It was clear that my dad definitely did know what I was going through, but for whatever reason, he made it seem like he was oblivious. Why had he hidden that from me? I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand, my dad loved me enough to leave this note, maybe even knowing the exact moment I'd need it. But on the other hand, he had neglected my struggles throughout my entire childhood. He even lied at times. Was this really enough to make up for all of that?
And then there was the section about the future transmitting energy to the past. I read back through the whole paragraph and the original writer had meant it to say this as something that wasn't possible, but my dad's highlighting made it seem like he wanted to flip the meaning. The future does affect the past. I thought about where I was headed and wondered if I would soon discover that for myself.
Lastly, dad's message. The Bible verse reminded me of the first time I prayed; how I reached out to God and received peace as an answer to my prayer. Now I feel like I'm actively seeking… something, but I don't know yet what I'll find. And then there's knocking. At first that reminded me of the story with the beetle tapping on the window, but then I went back even deeper in my memory and dug out the monster tapping at my window, and the words my dad spoke to me in order to set my mind at ease: "you're a superhero. And you know what your greatest superpower is? Your greatest power is you get to tell the monsters what to do. Because the monsters are only as strong as the stories you tell about them…so if you're ever scared, honey, just dream up a better story."
I was crying into my stuffed tomato now. I felt like all the blinking pieces of my life had finally been pulled together into a completed puzzle. This was all by design. My entire life, filled with so much chaos and confusion, was actually preparing me for this moment. And my dad thought I had the tools and strength enough to get through it. I flipped through the book one more time, thinking maybe he had left some other hidden comment—some formula to defeat this demon and return home. But there was nothing. Only that one comment: "I'll meet you in the darkest place."
What's the darkest place, dad? Is that where I'm going? Are you saying you'll be there, too?
With those thoughts in mind, my eyes became heavy shutters which, with a slight pressure on the pulley, winded shut. My swimming thoughts and firework-like fears dissipated, and I returned to a precious childhood memory. It was after an evening soccer practice. Summer. Dad was driving me to Dairy Queen. I got a cherry-dipped twist cone. I was happy.
So, so happy.
***
I woke up to sunlight blaring through my windows. Shit, I overslept, was my immediate thought. I threw off my covers and opened the front door. A glance at the clock showed 1:13 PM. I shouldn't have even been allowed to stay checked in this long. Damn, am I gonna get double-billed for this?
I heard a rummaging sound around the corner of my motel room. It sounded like a squirrel was trying to find an afternoon snack in one of the garbage bins. I stepped outside. The sun was extremely bright, to the point where I had to squint and put my hand over my eyes to even see the ground in front of me. I was trying to walk toward the van, but somehow I ended up in front of the trash bins where the animal's tail was sticking out from a turned-over, silver garbage can. Its tail was wagging excitedly, and I remember thinking that it was much too large to be a squirrel.
The animal bent down as if biting onto something, and I heard the sound of its growl as it struggled to tug whatever it was free from the barrel. Inch by inch, the creature backed out of the canister, and more of its sharp, sticky hair was revealed. I heard something snap, then the creature leapt back and I saw what it was chomping on. My eyes widened in horror as the pink tube of a human intestine was pulled taut like the end of a tangled hose. Blood and entrails were spilling out of the human's opened gut. And then, behind the canine, I saw the person's face. His face was pale white, his eyes closed, and his hair was slicked back… It was Trent.
Before I could react, I heard footsteps approaching from behind. I whirled around and saw my dad. But—no, it wasn't him. It was someone wearing a paper-mache face mask that was painted to look like my dad. The forehead of the mask was already beginning to crack, white specks breaking off like sawdust. Through the cracks, I could see the figure's true form. I didn't know darkness had its own type of light, but that's the only way to describe it. It was as if malevolence itself was reified into a skin which was actually an amalgamation of millions of little, oozing parasites that leached into the nearby light. When it finally spoke, the demon's voice was a full octave lower than the old man's at the deli. And it had an earth-stilling gravitas.
"Today's the day!" He sang and reached into his pocket. His lips curled upward into a foxy smirk. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this day." He said and held up a razor blade. Half his facade had already fallen apart, and now I could see the bugs up close, writhing in what was either horror or ecstasy. And his scent… it was somehow more rank than the rabid coyote rummaging through the trash can with Trent's cut open body inside. The demon closed in on my position, and in one, decisive motion, he brought the blade close to his chin, then sliced it across my throat. "Wake up!" He screamed.
I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my throat, feeling the cold sting of its quick slice. Hyperventilating, I patted the area down, trying to hold the blood in, but when I removed my hands, I saw they were dry. It was only a dream, I thought. Gray light was only beginning to filter in through the drapes. I'm in my hotel room. I'm safe. I tried consoling, but the pragmatic mental massages weren't enough to hold the force of my knees buckling. I dropped onto the carpet and cried for a long while.
Outside, rain was beginning to fall.
***
By the time I met up with Trent, I had already composed myself and decided to keep my dad's message and the nightmare to myself. None of it seemed particularly productive from a logistical standpoint, anyway. And I wanted to focus on the mission.
We stopped by McDonald's and bought a couple cups of coffee. Trent asked if I wanted any food, and I declined. Black coffee seemed like the only thing my stomach could take at the present moment. I could tell Trent was hungry, but he tried playing it off (I guess to be respectful of me?) I told him to knock it off and get something to eat. I didn't need my Charon getting lightheaded and dropping the paddle before he finished rowing me to Hell. He didn't care much for my joke, but he ordered a couple Chicken McGriddles at the kiosk anyway.
There were maybe ten patrons spread throughout the restaurant. We sat down at the same booth from the prior night, this time across from one another. Trent spent the first ten minutes or so babbling about our fuel supply and the logistics of the trip from here on in. Practical stuff. I've come to realize that's how he deals with his stress. He talks it out in short, durable sentences. I mostly nodded and watched as what looked like a storm front closed in on the truck stop. The sky was overcast, and there were darker clouds in the distance. The rain was still only a patter, but a middle-aged man wearing a yellow bow tie on the wall-mounted TV confirmed that there would be heavier rain and thunderstorms very soon.
After the worker delivered Trent's food and he ate it in record time, I posed the one question that was still on my mind.
"How do I fight him?" I asked.
Trent finished a large gulp of his coffee, then looked at me. It was the first substantial thing I'd said all morning; Trent could tell something was off with me, but he figured there was no point in asking what it was. "By 'him', I assume you mean the demon?"
I nodded.
Trent licked his teeth clean. "You could try praying again."
"I'm serious," I responded.
"I'm serious, too. It worked before, didn't it?"
"You mean at my house?"
Trent nodded.
"I thought you weren't a religious man?"
"I'm not. Just a practical one. If praying worked before, maybe it'll work again."
"That's the best you've got? A maybe?"
"No, I've got a lot of shit better than a maybe." He answered. "It's just not accessible where you're going. Which is why I recommend not making contact on the first run."
"First run? So we're going to do this more than once?"
"At least," Trent answered. Then, seeing my expression, he continued. "What? You thought this was going to be a one-and-done? We have to conduct some research first. I did tell you this was new for me, right?"
Somehow Trent's response had set my mind at ease a little. I was going to have more than one chance. Of course, why wouldn't I be able to go back more than once?
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier? It would have gone a long way in easing my mind."
Trent lifted his hands in defense. "Sorry, I just thought that was a given. I mean, what we're doing is dangerous, just like I said, but it doesn't mean we aren't going to approach this as safely and scientifically as possible. However, there is a different problem with running multiple trials."
"The Organization?"
"That's right," Trent said like a proud parent. "Our little experiment will be like a giant spotlight, and the longer we wait around after it's on us, the greater the chance we'll have unwelcome company."
"So, safe but speedy."
"Safe but speedy. Exactly."
***
We fueled up and were back on the road a little after 8:00. From that point on, Trent and I were absolutely silent. I had the distinct feeling of being in the eye of a storm. The pings moved closer commensurate with our progress toward the crash site. The cloudfront continued its advance. And I noticed a haze beginning to descend onto the road ahead of us. It was fog.
We meandered further inland, the forest thickening around us until the rain almost stopped entirely—the leaves drinking it up before it fell onto our windshield. I kept my eyes on the radar. We were approaching the large yellow circle which indicated we had arrived. As we pulled closer, I began to feel things. Fear. Eeriness. Doubt. Then happiness. Hope. Love. Normally feelings like these had a clear source to picture, but these sensations came on in waves without any discernible reason. It was almost as if they were blinking into existence inside me.
"Here we go," Trent said like an airline pilot readying his crew for turbulence.
I still recall the exact moment we crossed the boundary into the area of higher energy. It was like something just "clicked" in my brain, and all of a sudden everything felt so much closer. The sound of the rain against the trees was almost right next to my ear. The trees in the distance would oscillate between their position a half-mile out, then suddenly seem five meters away. If I focused on something long enough, it began to radiate those same ethereal particles as when Trent released Ava's "phase lock". I checked to make sure the shifter wasn't set to "TD". Sure enough, it was still in drive.
"Can you see them?" Trent asked. "The shifts?"
"Yeah," I said in a dreamy voice. I felt like I was driving through a wonderland.
"It's the energy. I barely notice a difference. A bit of movement in the trees, but not much else. But I'm sure for you, it's a whole experience."
"What is this?" I raised my hand and caught some of the pixel dust dripping off the sun visor. It disappeared when it made contact with my hand.
"It's a kind of radiation. Everything emits it, just in different quantities. I'm still not exactly sure how it relates to the other realms, but I'm guessing it's a kind of primordial matter that helps connect our worlds."
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed. "I wish I could see the world like this all the time."
"Maybe you will," Trent whispered.
As we arrived at the crash site, I began to get glimpses of the past. My childhood dreams and memories were pushing their way out from my subconscious. I noticed an increased number of blinks, which were validated by Ava who reported the following: "Currently detecting 14,350 novel emergences and 2,777 controlled agents. Net anomalies: 2,777."
"That's a lot of blinks." I remarked. "Why doesn't Ava include them in the net anomalies?"
Trent turned his head so I could see his smirk. "Because blinks aren't anomalies."
I thought about it for a second. Blinks aren't anomalies. "I never thought about it that way."
"It's hard to think about it that way when 'normal' for most people means not picking up on a fundamental aspect of reality. But that doesn't make it any less real."
We continued past the epicenter of the yellow circle. "Are we not stopping?" I asked. "I think we already passed the crash site."
"It doesn't have to be exactly at the site," Trent said. "Plus, we don't want to stop on the side of the road and risk getting some civilian involved. There's a field about half a mile up ahead. I'm going to pull off the road and set up camp there.
The "field" that Trent was referring to was actually a large clearing that dipped down into several trench-like troughs which were filled to the brim with fog like witches cauldrons. Further on in the distance, I saw open fields, probably used for farming, and then a large hill where the trees once again reasserted themselves. We had pulled off the road and up a small incline where the trees had already been broken down, leaving a trail for us to drive through. When we surfaced at the edge of the clearing, Trent pulled us onto a flat bed of dried mud which was maybe thirty yards long.
"Here," he said with a sigh.
We both sat for a minute, looking around at the field. We had finally arrived. The rain was beginning to pick up, and the dark sky made it almost impossible to discern the time of day.
"You ready?" Trent asked.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. In his blue eyes. Was I ready? Did it even matter?
"Let's do this," I said.
***
This was the first time I was really able to inspect the back of Trent's van. He had talked up his gear a lot, and honestly, I was impressed. Not in the way that a scientist is impressed by another scientist's lab—I wasn't any kind of expert—but it still seemed remarkably well managed. Now that I was in a state where my vision had been enhanced, I could actually see the enigmatic particles circulating through the pneumatic tubes which were coiled like the pipes and valves of an elaborate wind instrument. The walls of the van, itself, were glistening white, making it easier to make out everything else inside. Along the floor were five overturned columns. Each column was dark and had a vibrating quality, as if they were charged with energy. Then atop the center three columns was a small altar which supported an apparatus with two skinny, metal arms holding a silver halo. At present, the arms were folded and the halo was suspended a few inches above the altar, faced-down. I thought maybe I'd see particles exuding from it, but instead it was emitting visible waves which bent and warped everything they touched.
"That thing is emitting a lot of energy." I remarked, gesturing toward the halo.
Trent stepped in between the columns and started pulling out the packages he had stuffed in there yesterday. "Just wait till' it's on."
Most of the packages contained only a single piece of equipment, and were otherwise packed with foam peanuts. We carefully removed each box and set them on the ground outside. I asked if the rain would damage any of the stuff inside, to which Trent only laughed and continued lugging out the boxes. When they were all out, Trent removed a box cutter from his pocket and went one-by-one opening them. There were eight pieces in total.
"What is it?" I asked as we fished the first item out.
"It's another apparatus, like the one inside. Except it'll mount on the ground out here."
I pulled out what looked like a metal tripod.
"Good, that'll go on the bottom."
"Where are we setting it up?"
"Over here," Trent said and stepped five paces away from the van. He coordinated himself up so he was centrally aligned with the inner ring, then stomped a few times. "This is the spot."
As we continued to work, I asked Trent about how the whole contraption works.
"Do you remember the first time we were in the van? When we had to escape from the semi-truck?" Trent asked and connected a secondary mounting apparatus on top of the tripod. It had four spider-like legs that made right angles and stuck into the ground.
"Of course," I said. "The 'phase lock'."
"Yeah," Trent said and gestured toward the metal stick that was in my hand. I handed it to him. "The phase lock is a seal on the level of energy that the van is allowed to release. It also controls its dispersion pattern so that it releases its energy in a steady wave. This allows Ava to scan for anomalies without causing us to become an anomaly." Trent stuck the plank into the neck of the tripod.
"So when you released the phase lock, we started emitting more energy."
"That's right." Trent confirmed. "Enough to create an alternate route through a different realm."
"So we blinked into a different realm, then back, just to avoid that truck?"
"That's right."
"But why couldn't we just move out of the way?"
"Because it had locked onto us. It was tracking our motion and adjusting its course based on the amount of energy we were emitting. So in order to escape, we had to radically skew our potential energy and then use it to shift."
"Couldn't he have just followed us?"
Trent connected four more pieces to the device which now looked like an elaborate teepee. He was fishing in the last box when he spoke again. "Yeah, he could have. But it was highly improbable that he would have found us." Trent returned from the bottom of the box with another silver ring in hand. "Think of it like this. Let's say you're trying to escape from some bad guy who's coming after you, and you enter a new room you've never seen before. Would you prefer this room to have three doors to go through, or ten?"
I thought about his riddle for a second, then responded, "It depends where they go."
Trent fastened the ring atop the teepee. "Let's say they all lead to random places, or let's say they're all closets that lead nowhere. The key is that more is better, because the more doors he has to check, the less likely he is to pick the correct one. Make sense?"
"So we opened up a bunch of doors and escaped through one at random?"
"Hence the gear 'TD', for 'Trap Door'."
I marveled at the insights, but not for long. Trent hopped back in the van and pulled a lever that I hadn't seen until now. The two metal arms raised the inner ring until it was perpendicular with the altar. Then Trent clicked one of three red buttons along the back wall, and I saw what looked like a large, glass eye suspended in a magnifying glass protruding from the wall, aligned with the center of both rings. A couple seconds later, the glass eye began to focus the energy which was being fed to it from the pneumatic tubes, and a blue pyramid of light projected from it into the first ring, then from the first ring into the second ring. All three pieces were aligned at slightly diminishing heights, so the cylinder of light beamed through the second ring, into the ground.
"Alright, time for the first trial."
I felt the nerves starting up in my stomach. Trent sensed this and hopped out of the truck. It was raining quite hard now, though it was still warm. Both Trent and I were soaked, but that hardly concerned us. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. "I know you're feeling scared." He said. "But trust me on this. You're going to do fine. Just keep in mind what we talked about. Stay a spectator. Okay?"
I looked into his blue eyes, which seemed especially gray in the dark. Still, Trent's voice was reassuring. All I had to do was trust him. Trust myself. Trust my dad. And it was all going to turn out right.
"I'm ready," I said.
Trent was still for a second, holding my eyes in his. Then he guided me behind the outer ring and into the cylinder of light.
"I should step into it now?" I asked, afraid I'd be called away immediately.
"It's not on yet, so don't worry. I still have to press another button."
I followed Trent's instructions and stood in the blue light which was centered on my chest. Then I watched as Trent ran into the back of the van and posted up next to the glass eye. "Ready?" He yelled out. It was hard to hear him over the rain, but I yelled back. "Ready!"
The next thing I saw was a blinding blue light beam from the van. I heard what sounded like a laser, then saw the cylinder oscillate, expanding and compressing. When the energy reached the second ring, I saw everything around me light up—it looked brighter than noon on a cloudless day. Then the oscillations made their way to me, and I was swallowed up whole.
***
When I came to, I was in the backseat of a car. I felt my butt rumbling. Everything was dim and quiet. And then I heard a woman's voice from in front of me.
"Mark, please, not with Lauren in the back."
The man, who I now identified as my father, pulled the cigarette away from his lips and blew the smoke at my mom. He eyed the back seat where I was sitting, using one of five markers that hadn't rolled off my lap to color a rabbit in my animal color book.
"The kid's fine." he said and took another drag.
"Mark," my mom repeated.
I saw my dad raise his hand in a rapid motion. "I said she's fine, Cheryl. Now check the map and make sure we're going the right away. I can't see shit with all this fog."
I took a moment to make sure I was really in the back seat. I patted myself. I clearly had weight. Then I tried touching the car. At first, my fingertips met a solid surface, but when I tried to press through, my hand slipped into the car. I quickly pulled my hand away as if I had reached into a fire.
That's when I heard the little three year old next to me start crying. I turned and saw that little-me had dropped another couple markers onto the ground and was struggling to reach them.
"Hey!" my dad shouted. "What did I say about crying?"
"Quit it, Mark. She just dropped her markers." said my mom; she turned to help me pick them up.
"What did you say to me?" Mark spat with a voice full of guile. He reached out and pushed her back into her seat. "Don't," he commanded. "She has to learn how to deal with life."
"Deal…" My mom started in disbelief. "Deal with life? Do you hear yourself? What's gotten into you?"
"Sometimes shit happens. It doesn't give her the right to cry. You helping her is just going to reinforce her behavior."
"Her behavior? What about your behavior? You're acting like a total dick."
I didn't even have a moment to react before my dad's hand was across my mom's face. I felt the slap more than I heard it, my own face seeming to swell with the force of the blow. I saw my mom cover her mouth and lean away. Then little-me began to cry even louder, which only challenged my dad to step up his own volume.
"Everyone needs to get a fucking grip before I crash this car." My dad shouted and took another drag. The scariest part was I couldn't tell if he was warning us or threatening us. I felt the sudden urge to do something. There was no way this was real. I was definitely in some fantasy concocted by the demon. He wanted to turn me against my dad. That was the only explanation for something like this. My dad was a good man, not… this.
As I contemplated what to do, I saw a small, golden light appear behind little-me's window. Apparently she saw it, too, because her cries hushed as she traced the wisp with her eyes. After a second, the wisp transformed into a bunny rabbit, reminiscent of the one she was coloring. The rabbit hopped alongside the window, then did a couple circles in place. I watched little me let out a playful laugh and reach toward the window.
"What's going on back there?" my dad asked with a scowl. Apparently the only sound more disturbing than cries were laughs.
I looked back to the front and saw my mom wiping blood from her lip. Her expression was miserable. "Leave her alone, Mark."
"I'll do whatever I damn well want to do, Cheryl. It's my kid back there."
My mom was quiet.
When I looked back toward the rabbit, it was no longer a rabbit but a person. Or at least it looked like a person. The figure radiated pure gold, and atop his head was what appeared to be a King's crown. I recalled Allison's experience of seeing the sun-like figure in her moment of distress. Was that what was happening here? Was this really all true?
"Hey!" My dad shouted, eyeing little-me from the rear-view mirror. "What are you reaching at?"
I looked and saw the golden figure extending his hand toward the window, and little me's hand was reaching back. "Mom, dad, it bright." little-me said.
"What's bright, honey?" my mom asked.
"Don't encourage her, Cheryl."
"Someone there!" little me shouted happily and dropped the rest of the markers and the coloring book onto the ground.
"Who's there?" asked my mom.
"Cheryl, I swear to God. Sit the fuck down."
Everything from that moment on happened so quickly I barely had any time to process it. My mom lifted out of her seat to either get little me's attention or help me pick up my coloring book. My dad responded by grabbing onto her throat, letting go of the steering wheel entirely. He threw her back against the car door, and her head hit the window so hard, the glass cracked. My dad had dropped his cigarette, and I could smell smoke coming from under his seat, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. He turned toward little-me at the same moment my three-year-old hand reached out and grabbed onto the golden figure, whose hand diffused through the window. When my dad turned, I got a whiff of the most awful smell that I wouldn't have been able to place had I not had that nightmare last night. He grabbed onto little-me's shoulder and tugged her away from the golden figure that was trying to pull her the other way. My dad's facade began to crack, and I could see those dark bugs crawling out from the pores in his arms, marching down toward little-me.
I reacted.
I grabbed onto my dad's arm and pulled him off little-me. I heard the sound of my shirt ripping as she was torn from his grip and pulled out of the car, diffusing through it like a ghost. My brief victory was immediately overturned as I saw what was now clearly the demon smiling at me, his wretched fingers curled around my forearm.
"Caught you," He sneered.
Then the whole world once again diffused into countless numbers of particles, only this time, instead of riding through it, I felt like I was falling through an elevator shaft with each floor darker than the last. The further I fell, the less I became aware of my surroundings, and the more I felt a deep sense of loneliness. It was as if I was the only person in the whole world: and the whole world was a prison designed entirely for me. This went on for so long, I began to forget who I was. Where I was. What was.
And then I landed.
***
Source Used:
Jung, Carl. Synchronicity. Translated by Sonu Shamdasani, Princeton University Press, 2010.

I was walking around my neighbourhood with my wife this evening and walked past the tennis courts. I have been excited to use them in the upcoming summer.
The courts were filled with about 15 children, many of which were under 10 years old, who have appeared to break the code-locked door open to a point and were driving an E-Scooter around / roller skating. Additionally, they have drawn profanity as well as illustrations of male genitalia on the ground. The courts are full of trash and are now unsuitable for use from the many E-Scooter donuts that have been made.
I have emailed the tennis association responsible for this court and asked that they look into the situation, but it is my understanding that the children or the parents of the children won't be held responsible. Is there anything that can be done legally here? My wife says that I should drop the situation but I am quite disappointed that a good court has been ruined this way.
EDIT: I should add that these courts are brand-new and haven't had a summertime use as of yet.

This request may seem a little odd, so let me give some backstory first (if you want to TL;DR skip to paragraph 6) . I take part in a D&D group of 6 that meets weekly. A couple months back we realized that summer travel was going to completely destroy the group for 3-4 months, due to at least one person being away on the weekend for the entire summer (but rarely the SAME people). This made doing replacement adventures basically impossible - can't do our normal adventure without the whole group, and our backup campaign was also out as different people would be missing each week including sometime our GM.
The solution I proposed was HeroQuest! I had been itching for an excuse to pick up the remake and as the sole member of our group who was NOT traveling I could always be available as Zargon. HeroQuest is story-lite so missing a week wouldn't be a problem, and the characters don't have ongoing stories so we could hotswap the characters on a weekly basis to fit who is present and group members could even swap heroes if they wanted a change. The first session was a roaring success and we've continued on. The players are now about halfway through the base campaign.
The gameplay is moderately homebrewed to fill in the "flaws" of the game with familiar concepts from D&D. Heroes get downed instead of killed, but monsters have initiative and can do common sense things like open doors, run for help, and searching for traps does not guarantee success. This is a group of adults who play cautiously, some of whom have serious amounts of D&D and videogame experience, and the enhanced difficulty has not slowed them down (they blew the Trial out of the water, with the exception of the Wizard getting an unlucky Wandering Monster that crit him for 3 skulls and zero defense, resulting in the Barbarian needing to pour a healing potion down his throat to get him moving again).
I've also increased story complexity, combining quests that make sense to be combined. For example, Rescuing Sir Ragnar ended with an option to move straight into Lair of the Orc Warlord for an easier version of that quest, but with the downside that the heroes don't get to shop. Melar's Maze ends with the heroes getting Raiders of the Lost Ark'd by Grak, who steals the Talisman of Lore in addition to locking the heroes up in his dungeon, which also means they don't get to shop. You get the idea.
When the group finishes the core quest set, I plan on offering them a fresh start with the newer classes. A lot of the joy in HeroQuest is becoming stronger, and after the core quests there's a sort of plateau - there's no good equipment left to buy, and the expansions are quite parsimonious with Artifact rewards. A new start with new characters fixes the problem nicely - I just look at the quests and add gold/equipment/Artifacts where it makes sense to keep the heroes at a good power level. I can tune the loot to whichever classes they wind up bringing.
Prophecy of Telor seems like an ideal quest pack to start a new set of characters in. My modified storyline foreshadows the Talisman's importance, and a bit of playtesting has shown that a base group of the new heroes can murder the first quest with little difficulty. The second quest seems a bit scary, but changing the reinforcements on the fly would easily lower the difficulty while still keeping up pressure. And the quests 3-5 seem so easy I can't imagine doing them with a fully equipped band of heroes fresh out of Kellar's Keep. You'd bore them to death. But then I realized something...there's no opportunity to shop! The shops open in this expansion after quest 6!
As others have pointed out, gold is experience in HeroQuest. Leveling up between missions is how you stay on the power curve. It's also where the player has agency in how they improve - do I get more defend dice through armor? Or do I buy the big battle axe? But in Prophecy of Telor, they don't get to do that.
Assuming they go with new heroes, my party would be stuck with two daggers and a short sword (the warlock would do just fine) for the entire first half of the expansion. They would have no additional armor. If I simply put that armor and weapons into the quests, I remove player agency and powercreep them so that when they DO get to shop they can empty the armory.
Now, I could just allow them to shop in the middle of the dungeon, logic be damned. I want to avoid that if possible. Is there a good way to break up this quest series so they at least get a couple of chances to visit the armory without completely breaking the lore?

So, a couple of weeks ago, I posted my success story about healing from vulvodynia/pudendal neuralgia using mind body syndrome healing techniques. I got a lot of messages and comments asking a multitude of questions, so I decided to make a post about it.
My Symptoms;

• Burning at entrance of vagina
  
• Burning with urination
  
• Itching around labia
  
• Tailbone pain
  
• Odd nerve sensations around vulva; i.e. tingling, odd pressure around urethra and clit, cold sensations, hot sensations, pulsing, stinging, and sandpaper like feeling.
  

My symptoms kicked off with an initial insult. I had a UTI which led to a YI due to antibiotics, and when I used 3-Day Monistat, crap hit the fan. I had a terrible allergic reaction to the medication, even though I had used it many times in the past, this time I actually sustained chemical burns from it. This led to constant burning pain and PFD for a little over 8 months before I came across TMS, Tension Myositis Syndrome. I learned that our brains are the epicenter for relaying pain messages from our bodies. When we hold our hand over a hot stove, our nerve fibers send a message to our brains to move our hand before we cause damage to ourselves. Pain is a danger signal that let's us know that something is going on and to either move away or take it easy before we get hurt. Pain does not always mean there is something horribly wrong with our bodies. Like when you get a papercut, It's such a small injury but it hurts really bad.
However, sometimes that danger signal can be left in the "on" position and cause pain to become chronic. Our brains can learn pain as it can learn anything else, and unfortunately this is how chronic pain begins.
For example: I had a bad reaction to monistat. I went to a doctor who was not empathetic in the slightest about my pain, blamed me for it, and continued to misdiagnose me with a STD that I did not have. Within this visit I understood 2 things: She doesn't know what happened to me, and she's blaming me for "doing this to myself". It wasn't until 5 doctors later that anyone actually listened to me and suggested that I had chemical burns. By this point, I had constant burning, extreme fear and despair over my symptoms, I was spiraling. Sadly, the fear and attention I was feeding my symptoms had made my pain chronic. I was traumatized by this experience as well, which I held that stress and fear in my pelvic floor, causing it to involuntarily tense up and lead to tight muscles which caused oxygen deprivation to the area and resulted in pain. So, emotional upset > tense muscles > cut off oxygen/blow flow to pelvic floor > pain. See how emotions can affect pain? The more anxious and scared I got, the worse my pain became and I started to develop more symptoms over time which caused more anxiety and more pain. It was a vicious cycle.
How did I heal? I came across TMS by accident and at first I shrugged my nose at the concept, but then I began to notice weird things. My pain would flare in mornings, go away during the day and come back at night. My pain was inconsistent and sometimes be a 3/10 and others be a 10/10. I also had a breakdown moment and scream and cried until I felt "empty" like all the repressed emotions I had finally spilled out of me, and I was pain free for a week after. I also had a 9-da book cure after reading Alan Gordon's book. From this, I learned that my pain stemmed from my fear surrounding my symptoms long after my vulva healed from the chemical burns because my brain learned and memorized that sensation. My brain also associated that sensation with my fear and anxiety, so anytime I got anxious or scared, it would flare up my symptoms. Through TMS healing techniques, I ended up losing my fear of symptoms. I started viewing them as a protective guard dog because they cropped up when I was fearful or anxious and wanted to warn/protect me. I stopped paying attention to them, slowly got back to exercising, sitting for a few minutes at a time, and wearing pants to prove to my brain that I was safe and okay. When a flare would come about, I met it with compassion and understanding, and utilized somatic tracking. Eventually over time and with gentle exposure therapy and somatic tracking, I healed. I had to retrain my nervous system and brain to not expect pain when I did certain activities because after a while my brain perceived danger with things like sitting, touch, and even urinating.
Tension myositis syndrome (TMS), also known as tension myoneural syndrome or mindbody syndrome, is a condition that causes physical symptoms that are not due to structural abnormalities. TMS is caused by emotional tension that signals the brain to reduce blood flow to the body, which can lead to oxygen deprivation and pain.
A good example of a mind body pain cycle would be phantom limb syndrome when a person can lose a limb and their brain sees that missing limb and will cause a pain response due to that missing limb. So amputees will swear that they can still feel their missing limb. The pain is very real and it’s because our brains are in full control of our pain response.
How do we know if our pain is brain/nervous system/TMS related? I will tell you.
Here are some questions to think about as structural pain behaves differently then neuroplastic (TMS) pain/brain pain:

• Have you had test after test and everything always turns out normal?
  
• Has structural causes been ruled out?
  
• Do your symptoms move around (You get an itch on your pelvic floor, then your glute then your leg?
  
• Do your symptoms come and go? (They are better in the morning but worse at night/vice versa; they happen before your menstrual cycle but are better during your menstrual cycle; they seem to vanish when you're distracted or on vacation, etc.)
  
• Do your symptoms seem to vanish when you're sick or have something else going on in your body?
  
• Are your symptoms inconsistent? Is the pain 1/10 sometimes but then they're 7/10 at other times? Do they change location?
  
• Do you have other possible mindbody syndromes like stress headaches, IBS, anxiety?
  
• Does your pain ebb and flow with your emotional state?
  
• Did the symptoms start out of nowhere? You just woke up with them one day?
  
• Did they start with a physical injury but you did not heal within the expected amount of time? (6 weeks to 3 months)
  
• Are doctors unable to find a cause for your pain?
  

These are things that are indicative of mindbody syndrome/TMS. Structural pain does not behave in the way described above. I am going to include some learning resources as one cannot heal from TMS without educating themselves about pain science and TMS. This is not a magic pill, it does take work. But! You can heal from this. Once you begin to unlearn the pain, it will fade. Once you take away the "I'm sick" or "I'm broken" narrative and replace it with empowerment, the pain will fade. If you deprive the pain of fear and attention, IT WILL FADE. You will heal. I did and you can too!
I hope that this post helps you! I really truly do and I apologize for it's length. I want you to recover. It doesn't matter if you've been in pain for 6 months or 15 years, you CAN heal and I don't want you to give up or lose hope about that. You can use these techniques and this knowledge for virtually any chronic pain condition as it can also help in pain management. I wish you an easy road to recovery.
Here are some resources to help teach about TMS and how to heal from it... Bare with me. This comes from my research of over a year.
TMS Healing Books:
Alan Gordon's The Way Out
Unlearn Your Pain
Headache In the Pelvis
Pain science:
Brain Creates Pain
Predictive Coding
How To Determine Cause of Chronic Pain
How To Reverse Chronic Pain
Lorimer Moseley - Why Things Hurt
Pain, the brain and your amazing protectometer - Lorimer Moseley
Success Stories:
Vulvodynia Success Story
Vulvodynia Success Story 2
Pelvic Pain Healed
Pelvic Pain Pudendal Neuralgia
Pudendal Neuralgia
Pelvic Pain (PN) Healed
Psychotherapy for Chronic Pain
Menda Health (Takes Insurance in CA)
Somatic Tracking For Chronic Pain and Symptoms

I want to talk about Gilgamesh's morality for a boy, especially as he's one of fates most intriguing characters, and one a lot of people don't understand. Myself included until recently when i finally grasped it.
Hence why this is a rewrite.
Gilgamesh has a severe case of orange and blue morality. Morals that have little to nothing to fo with good or evil or the like. Gilgamesh is focused purely on one thing, entertainment. He wants to be entertained, to enjoy himself to the fullest. I think Caster Gilgamesh in Fate GO discusses thus the best.
However, we find out in, iirc, Fate Extra CCC that the main focus of his attention is humanity and its growth and works. He doesn't really care for humanity per say, more its actions and what it produces.
He wants to see humanity, and things like it, do interesting things. Surprising things, defying expectations.
He's almost like a member of the audience, in a way, wanting to see what people will do. Whether or not they'll overcome their trials and themselves. That is what I believe is meant when people say Gilgamesh is an observer.
But doesn't being an observer clash with his actions? Not really. Not wholly.
I'd describe Gilgamesh as a man owning a tank full of fish and wildlife, mostly just swimming about, doing there day to day. Gilgamesh will watch it, bit when he gets bored, notices its stagnating, he'll tap the glass or throw a rock into the tank to see what it will do. How they'll react, if and how they overcome it.
Though, that's more Archer Gilgamesh, younger Gilgamesh I should say.
A guy who has something before him and will toss things at it to amuse himself. Gratifying himself in the moment, but only really taking interest with big changes. The tyrant king, this point in his life, he doesn't fully realize his interest in humanity. At least zi don't think. Him helping them is more accidental and occasionally purposeful. More whim than anything.
When Caster Gil, wise king/old gil, says he hasn't changed in his mindset from his early days, he's telling the truth. What has changed, I think, is his awareness of his interest. He knows what he wants, he's aware that we wants to see what humanity will do. So, he's just as likely to push it along as he is to throw something at it.
Let's use a bonsai tree as a metaphor for humanity.
Gil in his early days would probably just cut it up to see if it'll grow back and occasionally water or feed it if he feels like it. Mostly he'll just keep cutting at it and seeing how it grows back.
Once he's aware of what he wants, Gil will still cut at the tree, humanity, but will do it more purposely and aid it more purposely.
Tyrant Gil is entertainment based on whim.
Old Gil is entertainment based on wants and forethought.
The reason Gil pushes for Uruk's survival in Fate Gzo as well as Humanities is that he knows he doesn't want to give up his favorite form of entertainment, seeing what humanity will do. What it will produce.
It's why, I think, he's classified as Good aligned despite his behavior. Because, even when he's cutting up humanity, what he's wanting to see, in the end, is humanity flourish. To him, when it's not on mere whim, his actions are for his entertainment which just so happens to be humanity's perseverence.
It's why he's seemingly both fascinated and disgusted with the modern day. Because on one hand look at what they've built, but on.the other no individual is especially interesting nor have they made as amazing inventions yet. Not to mention it's harming itself as well.
It's why I think his attitude changes when he gets incarnated.
As a spirit, he knows his existence here is finite so he'll just watch what happens.
When that is no longer the case, he acts to preserve his entertainment and make things interesting.

I'm trying to create a magic wand selection tool like in photoshop. I'm having no end of trouble with it.
I have uploaded the source for my magic wand class here: https://gist.github.com/AprilGendill/13739a03b7578263c559eee4c16a28bb
a usage example is :

 let newImage = Get your UIImage here guard let theImage = MagicWandTool.createImage(from: newImage) else { return } if let mask = MagicWandTool.floodFill(image: theImage, px: Int(point.x), py: Int(point.y), colorThreshold: tolerance, includeBorders: true){ self.selectionPath = MagicWandTool.convertMaskToBezierPath(mask: mask) 

If someone has the ability to explain why my results look correct but are actually completely wrong as shown if you fill the path created or remove the pixels within the path, I'd appreciate it.
Please don't tell me about minimum code there's no way to reduce the class at all and have it still do anything. This is why I included it as a link rather than pasting the code here

Previous part: 8.99.
​
One thing that I'm not getting here is why Vanessa is even a part of Vanny or Glitchtrap's situation since Double-V is true. When I originally thought up Double-V, I was originally thinking that Vanessa and Vanny were two different people and/or were sharing the role of "Vanny".
It's just one of them was more willing than the other to be a part of Glitcthtrap's machinations than the other. I didn't put too much thought into it, but it was something I wanted to look for until that Security Team revelation came about.
But now, I'm left with this puzzle piece called Vanessa that I'm not quite sure what to do with now that I know that Vanny is an entirely separate person from her.
She has to be involved with Vanny and Gltichtrap somehow. Maybe the therapy tapes will help.

• CD 1-Therapist: — but a routine check of your online history has revealed that you spend quite a bit of time with someone in an encrypted conversation. We have transcripts, and I’ve read them, but it’s not clear what you’re talking about in these conversations. I can’t make sense of it. You must be getting something from these that I’m not getting. Right? Who are you talking to in these?

These are all things that would've pointed toward Glitchtrap if I didn't know better. So it's someone else doing this? Why and why her?

• CD 5-Therapist: — Apparently, the IT department has put together a pretty lengthy report chronicling non-job-related communications that have been coming to your computer. — what bothers me about what I read is that the messages you're getting seem very manipulative in nature. —You know who I'm talking about. What you might not know is that this person who's been sending you messages has been hacking into your personal files too.
• CD 5-Vanessa: Lots of people know more than I do. Sometimes I need to listen.

So Vanessa knows who's doing this to her or think she knows. But she's been refusing to listen to them before and is now being worn down by the spamming messages sent to her. But the fact that she doesn't react to the news that they are digging into her personal life is very concerning!
Also, after going through Vanny's secret dialogue in Help Wanted, Vanessa's overall demeanor in both Security Breach and the Retro Cds clashes hard with Vanny's in both games. Where Vanny sounds and reads eager and nervous, Vanessa is defiant and reluctant with depressed undertones.
Is Vanessa really infected with Glitchtrap?
Yet now that I'm thinking about it, Glitchtrap has no need to do this as him sitting through Vanessa's therapy session with her would give him this info if she was infected. Who's ever doing this doesn't much about her, but would very much like to. Is it Vanny or Gregory...
Wait, hold on. Vanessa's first therapist mentioned that messages were encrypted and couldn't make out what the conversation was about. But the second therapist can understand these messages to know that they're manipulative in nature. Are these two different messengers?!
" I’ve read them, but it’s not clear what you’re talking about in these conversations. I can’t make sense of it. You must be getting something from these that I’m not getting." - The first Therapist
"but what bothers me about what I read is that the messages you're getting seem very manipulative in nature." - The second Therapist
What changed? Hmm... What exactly is an encrypted conversation? Maybe explaining that will help.
Encrypted text messaging is a method of secure communication that converts your messages into code. This means that only the recipient with the correct decryption key can read it. - Google
That sounds like what the first Therapist is referring to, but she mentions that they got the transcripts for it. Does that mean that got the code or the decryption key to read it? No, she says transcripts, which means the code itself.
But whatever the first Therapist saw in that transcript was legible enough to read and comprehend. This means the conversation wasn't in computer coding that would require someone in the tech field to decipher it, but just ordinary talk that's hard to understand what it's about.
Okay, that clears things up, they're still the same messenger.

• CD 11-Therapist: So, on your breaks, it looks like you were shopping for a costume. You purchased some fake fur material.
• CD 11- Vanessa: I can't talk about this. He said he would always be watching. He could be here or there or anywhere in between.
• CD 11-Therapist: No, that's not what I mean. You can't just ignore an issue. You have to face your memory of the experiences and process them so you can let it go. So you don't get triggered anymore. you can use this sort of self-dialogue to release these things
• CD 11-Vanessa: I don't like doing that.

This one conversation right here throws everything about Double-V out of whack. Why is Vanessa buying fake fur material? And for the very first time, we know the gender of who's messaging her along that he said that he would always be watching her.
Again the "he" here, and the "he will always be watching" part allude to Glitchtrap at first glance. And again, it can't be him because he should be within Vanessa since they merged in Help Wanted! Even if you dismissed the ending I proposed for Vanny and went with the ending where she gets locked up by Glitchtrap, it still wouldn't be him messaging her about watching here because he would be in her body!
And like I already said before, Vanessa has shown no memory problems or bodily control problems, which would've suggested Glitchtrap's control. No, this means that Gregory is doing all of this.
But why is he going after Vanessa? Geez, It's been a while since I even thought about his past before Security Breach. I forgot how much of a black hole of questions he is, regarding the lore. I'll give my updated thoughts about him after the Double-V revelation later.
For now, after going through all of Gregory's dialogue in Security Breach. It looks like he's not quite aware of the ongoings within the Pizzaplex and is shocked by the level of security can employ later in the night. There may actually be a hint of his hacker background in his dialogue if you squint. And Gregory has absolutely no idea what the rabbit laddy's name is until he gets to Fazerblast.
As for Gregory's involvement with Vanessa... Huh, that's weird. Gregory doesn't say Vanessa's name even once in Security Breach. Matter of fact, after the beginning sequence where Vanessa confronts Freddy about him, Gregory just stops talking about or even mentioning her for the rest of the game. This includes the confrontation that leads to her locking him up in Lost and Found and after it...
No matter how you slice it, Gregory's silence about her is super loud with alarm bells. Sure, he dismisses her as working with Vanny in the beginning, but it shouldn't mean that she should be an afterthought to him! Like, Gregory only talks about or mentions "the rabbit lady" after the beginning of the game.
In fact, if we were to rank every important character that Gregory talks about or mentions in his dialogue for Security Breach from most to least, it would look like this.

1. Freddy - 33 times
2. Vanny - 6 times
3. Chica - 6 times
4. Roxy - 4 times
5. Monty - 3 times
6. Moon - 3 times
7. Vanessa - 3 times
8. Burntrap - 1 time

That's absurd! Especially since she's the only other human worker in the Pizzaplex, besides Vanny, who encounters and confronts him. Like, he doesn't even try to communicate with her at all during the entire game!
Even when discovering Vanny's hideout in Fazerblast and Freddy suggests that Vanny is Vanessa due to deduceing Vanny's name being a combination of Vanessa + Bunny, Gregory remains silent about it! No, "Oh maybe you're right." or "That sounds too simple to be right", but instead there's no response to what might be the identity of your pursuer!
It's like he doesn't want to talk about her...
He knows her, he has to know Vanessa! Yet, he said, "I don't know who she is, but she's trying to get me!" to Freddy. Is he lying? No, he just knows about her.
​

• CD 14-Therapist: —They report that they've caught you on camera, or at least it appears to be you. — Well the techs are convinced that you've hacked into their system many times. — the electronics you like? I saw in your file that you have developed software programs that talk to you and repeat phrases, right? The program asks you questions and prompts you for responses. It's kind of like your own self therapy, isn't it? Another way of talking to yourself to work things out, right? When I saw some of your recent encrypted conversation logs, that's what I thought I was looking at. It felt like I was watching someone go back and forth in their own head, but the text found something that's different than that. When I read what they found, at first I thought I was looking at more examples of you just talking with yourself. Then I realized it was different. When I study this, it sounds like there is someone else responding to you. Who is it?

This is either hinting towards Gregory talking directly to Vanessa or Glitchtrap. But something that confuses me is why the therapist has or even be able to see Gregory's encrypted conversation logs?
I'll admit that I'm ignorant about therapy, but should your therapist have access to stuff you created outside of therapy? Unless Gregory created the program on a computer in therapy. It could explain how he's gotten access to Vanessa's files. But I'll drop that talk for now.
Something that's being made clear to me now is that Vanessa is not as connected to the villains as Gregory is, as she's more surprised by the changing of therapist than he is. In fact, Gregory knows why the therapists are disappearing, knows exactly when the therapists do something that would cause them to disappear, and doesn't seem upset when they show up mangled and dead.
But more than anything, Gregory knew Vanny long before Security Breach started. There's no reason why Gregory would know Vanny has enough control over the Pizzaplex to cut off Freddy from the network, in just one encounter. If anything, he should have assumed she was some weirdo stranger in the Pizzaplex that the security and the police needed to take care of.
But he already knew that Vanny had power in the Pizzaplex, maybe not the full scope, but enough to know that if she and he ever came into conflict with one another that ended with her wanting to hurt him then he needed to get out of the Pizzaplex.
Funnily enough, this actually lines up with the first-ever trailer for Security Breach, where Vanny says: "Gregory, I may have lost my temper earlier. But it was just a glitch!" Which implies they were talking neutrally before whatever made Vanny lose her temper. Again, I'm not using this as evidence as it's been cut, instead, I'm suggesting that the idea might have merit.
​

• CD-Therapist: — I have this still shot the techs pulled from the security footage that recorded you in the pizzaplex. That's you, isn't it? I know this image is distorted but I think it looks like you. And you're not alone here. You're talking to someone, or something. it's hard to tell. What are those things? They almost look like rabbit ears. What? You find that amusing? Well I guess it is.

I had always flipped-flopped between the mysterious person being either Glamrock Bonnie or Vanny. Both are connected to Glitchtrap, so either would fit here as Glitchtrap wouldn't be captured by a camera. But with the new evidence I've discovered, Vanny fits as Gregory's mysterious rabbit correspondent in the Pizzaplex.
But what about Vanessa? Is Gregory hacking into her files or is it Vanny and Glitchtrap? Or perhaps Gregory is hacking into her files on behalf of Glitchtrap and Vanny. Either way, Vanessa is getting dragged into Gregory and the Villian's group chat.
Speaking of the therapy, if we take into account the Retro-CD's numbering system the first two numbers are the patient ID number, and the last two numbers are the number of times both Gregory and Vanessa have been to therapy, then we can uncover some invaluable information.
Gregory has been in therapy longer than Vanessa and he was also in therapy before her too. But combining this CD's numbering system with a theory from the Talesbook story, GGY, that Gregory only goes to therapy on Sunday. Then Gregory has been going to therapy for a year and a half.
And if Vanessa is following the weekly therapy session pattern, then she's only been going to it for a little more than half a year. This means she started her therapy just about after Gregory hit his half-year mark for therapy. In addition to all that, Vanessa stopped going to therapy once she was transferred to a new location and never met the fourth and final therapist of the CDs.
Just something you all should keep in mind.
But Gregory definitely knows about her at the very least. That knowledge, I guess, is the reason why he's so shocked to see her face under Vanny's mask in the "To The Rooftop" ending. He knows that Vanessa and Vanny are two different people, but doesn't know that they look alike because he never encountered Vanny before Security Breach without her mask or costume.
On the subject of costumes, I still got no answer for Vanessa's purchase of fake animal fur or what's even happening with her now.
To be honest, this would be so simple and easy if Vanessa was just Vanny. But like as I have shown many times before in both this series and the previous one, simple and easy answers are not always the correct ones.
So, instead of looking for signs of the villain's goal with Vanessa in the lore. Let's look at the similarities and differences between the double Vs.
Vanessa's characteristics are.

• Depressed
• Has anxiety issues
• Tired (It's something that has been mentioned by the first and third therapists in CD-1 and CD-10. But seems to have more to do with the messages she's getting than how she usually is.)
• Likes the blue sky
• Likes to sit outside and read
• Watchful about her calorie intake
• Likes flowers or at least the sweet smell of them
• Doesn't like dark basements
• Oh, and hates kids

Vanny's characteristics are.

• Loves Pizza, especially pepperoni (Huh, no wonder she likes Chica)
• Absolutely, does not care about her calorie intake or a healthy diet (Seriously, Girl has gone full gamer mode with the amount of Fizzy Faz, straw drinks, and pizza boxes in areas with her presence in them)
• Hobbies in painting or graffiti
• Likes or used to like Glitchtrap or maybe William Afton (I talk about this in the secret ending)
• Loves Fazbear Entertainment (Vanny uses red spray paint in Ruin and has drawn two hearts on the FAZ ENT. Logo in the main Lobby)
• Likes Toy Chica
• Likes the Daycare Attendant (She seems to be fond of Moon more)
• Likes to read, or at least, read about the World History of Fazbear Entertainment
• Likes Flowers, a specific species of them(that I can't determine right now)
• Likes summer
• Is a mechanic or roboticist or both (She making something in Ruin Fazerblast and has turned Ruin Monty into her lapdog among other things)
• Super lazy (This one may or may not be true, but unless there's a good reason why she refuses to clean up her room in Fazer Blast, this is staying right here as far as I'm concerned)

Wow, I did not realize we already knew this much about Vanny just from the environment storytelling of the games until I listed them!
Anyway, as you can see, there are some very similar likes between the two and very stark differences in traits as well. I'm not about to list them to save word space, but instead, I want to answer a question. Could Vanessa still be Vanny despite their differences? This isn't so much for me, but for the people who believe Vanny = Vanessa despite my Double-V evidence.
At first, I thought there might've been a chance for that as they both like flowers, to read, and enjoy the outside, or at least the summer in Vanny's case. But now, after listing everything out they're just too different to say they're the same.
Even if we say that Vanny's love of pizza, general bad diet, and trashy room is the result of Vanessa coping with her depression and her situation with Glitchtrap and that her graffiti is the by-product of therapy, along with her interest in growing flowers. That doesn't negate the fact that in Ruin when given the chance to express her anxiety, Vanny doesn't take it.
If you don't know, on the wall where Vanny drew her face next to a slice of pizza in the main lobby near the Superstar Daycare entrance, there is a painted graph. The artist who made the graph also wrote on the right side of it; "TAG YOURSELF".
On all four sides of the graph, the artist made the furthest sides of them represent something. The top Y-axis is Wizard, the bottom Y-axis is Cedar, the left X-axis is Filled with a word that ends in a y, and the right X-axis is Filled with anxiety.
What this graph is showing, or what the artist trying to convey with it, is that each of the four points represents not quite the opposite thing but the furthest thing from each other. Of which, Vanny decided to tag herself on the [furthest left X-axis](https://imgur.com/j9ND1V3), not the right.
This tells us that Vanny feels the furthest thing from anxiety. Something Vanessa, no matter if she's under Glitchtrap's control or not, would be constantly feeling as she suffers from it.
As for what she's feeling, I don't know, the word on the left graph is unreadable and covered by Vanny's face to make it almost impossible to decipher. But what I do know without a doubt, is that Vanny and Vanessa are indeed, two different people with some common likes and polar opposite traits.
So after everything I've talked about in the last three? four? However many parts I've been going over Double-V, what is the best possible answer for the "To The Rooftop" ending stinger. Why do Vanny and Vanessa look alike?
I tried, I really did. I looked for as much possible evidence for anything that doesn't just make me give up and say "She's a Fazgoo clone!" or "She's a robot!"
If Vanny was a stranger who mimicked Vanessa's face, then that's cool and horrifying, but only where it concerns Vanessa herself. (The horrifying part, not the cool part.) It doesn't give us reasons why she would do it in the first place or a way to connect it to the greater lore and Glitchtrap, besides she's a human Mimic. Basically, it lacks motivation from everyone in the Villian party.
So it leaves me with no other conclusion except for one.
Back when the marketing for Security Breach was building up to its release. Steel Wool released four old Freddy cartoon episodes on their YouTube channel. Each episode hides a teaser image for the lore, including a character from the games with words, along with a character stinger at the end.
The last carton, which is the most distorted one, just so happened to include Vanessa as the hidden teaser, and Vanny as the character stinger at the end. And before you all jump the gun, previous episodes have already established that the hidden character teasers have no correlation to the ending Character stinger.
Now, the words in the Vanessa teaser image are quite interesting. It includes "Test and Rat" in the upper right corner, "Pool" in the bottom left corner, and "Bleak Reactant".
Test and Rat could be Test rat or Laboratory rat (Lab rat) as in the species of rat that are bred and kept for scientific research. Lab rat here can also be referring to Vanessa being a lab rat for the villain's experiment for something.
Using that explanation, "Pool" would then mean group or pool of people, which means number of people available for an organization or group to use. So Pool would mean that Vanessa was chosen out of all the Fazbear employees or people in general to be used for the experiment.
This leaves us with Bleak Reactant, which the definition of reactant is a substance that takes part in and experiences change during a reaction, while the definition of bleak could mean lacking vegetation (an area of land), dreary (a room), miserable(the weather), or unfavorable (outcome.)
All of this together means that Vanessa was chosen by the villains out of a group of people to be used for an experiment. An experiment of a change in Vanessa that predicted an unfavorable outcome for the villains.
Vanessa was going to be the next Vanny or maybe something else.
That gives a reason why the villains were so interested in her, why she would be shopping for a costume, why she would be at the Pizzaplex, and why she would be still connected to the villains when someone else is Vanny.
But the reason she was chosen in the first place, why her out of a group of people that might've included Gregory in it too, is because the one who chose her was her own twin sister.
If anyone remembers my only Ruin theory then you would remember my mentioning of Glitchtrap's and Vanny's conversation from Scott's website from a Security Breach poster.
Glitchtrap: "Stay the course."
Vanny: "I will."
Glitchtrap: "Focus on my voice."
Vanny: "I will."
Glitchtrap: "Don't let anyone lead you astray."
Vanny: “I won't.”
Glitchtrap: "Have you selected one?"
Vanny: "I have."
In my theory, I proposed that Gregory was the one that Vanny mentioned selecting here. But now, with all the revelations and new information gained, I believe Vanessa works better here. Vanny would've chosen someone for an experiment that she personally knew of or gotten to know, and who better than her own sibling that she grew up with.
Remember, Vanny is just starting out in her following of Glitchtrap. So would be new to the whole evil thing. And most of the time, the people close to you are the ones that would most likely commit a crime against you.
As for the twin sister thing, it actually didn't come from the "To The Rooftop" ending, but a discussion from the GTlive stream where Mat hosted a little get-together with some of the FNAF YouTuber theorists after Security Breach. There, John Fuhnaff suggested the idea for it from the VR Sisters boss from the Security Breach game Scott made when Security Breach got delayed again.
It's something that I saw some merit in after I discovered the Vanny ≠ Vanessa and after disproving in my head that Vanny wasn't Tape Girl either. The best part of the twin sister thing is that there's no need to throw out all that we know from Vanessa's therapy sessions as they both share the divorced parent's backstory.
As for which is the order twin between the two, I believe Vanessa is the oldest since it makes sense that her father would use the oldest to testify against their mother as she would better understand his instructions. Plus it provides a potential grudge from Vanny to Vanessa for what happened to their mother and a misguided parental affection for Glitchtrap. Unless Vanny's just a fangirl of William Afton, which could be the case.
Also, this means that the reason Vanessa looks the way she does in "To The Rooftop" end credits is because she looking at her dead sister. Oof, I realized that this also means she would've been the one who finds what's left of her in the "Disassemble Vanny" ending too. No wonder Faz Ent. is temporarily closed if they find that one employee is disassembled and the other one is having a mental breakdown from it in the morning.
But what about the "Redemption" ending? We know that by beating PQ3 both Glitchtrap and Vanny are defeated in it. What happens to her then? Where did she go? Hmm... I'm not sure.
What happens when someone is unmerged after being merged for a long time? Unlike Vanessa, we know that Vanny lives in the Pizzaplex. Even by Ruin and Help Wanted 2, she's still living in the building despite its condition so she probably needs time to think and process what happened to her and what's she done. Oh, and therapy. And a house.
But I think that just about wraps everything up for— Wait, HW2's Candy Cadet story! I forgot all about it! I know some people mentioned that the second story had to do with Vanessa, Gregory, and Gltichtrap. Let me skim through that real quick for clues.
Oh. Oh, that's really interesting... But it along with the Jeremy and the Memory dolls can wait until after next time. Sorry for the little to no pictures, I needed space to fit everything in one post and wanted to get everything about Double-V out of the way before I go on hiatus.
Don't worry it has nothing to do with burnout. It won't be too long either, though knowing my track record when saying that, you probably don't believe me.
Truth is, I've been severely neglecting my YouTube channel, and should really start catching up the YouTube version of my series with the online version. Plus, I've got more "Prove it!" to work on.
But most important of all, my birthday is coming up, and I don't want to work, think, or have anything to do with my FNAF stuff on that day. So! Feel free to read and become full with these last few Parts until I come back with more.

I'm in the 4th year of my Ph.D program right now. My advisor in my current Ph.D program wants me to graduate ASAP due to budget issues with my current program. I previously got a Master's at Appalachian State in Experimental Psychology and have reflected on the experience lately (feel free to see my post history on the App State subreddit if you wish to learn about the fiscal details and why I chose the program. Long story short, they offered assistantships, but they didn't waive tuition at all). Since I got next to nothing out of my Ph.D, I'm reflecting on what I got out of my Master's in Experimental Psychology.
I entered the program in Fall 2018 and graduated in December 2020. I graduated later because I had to rewrite my thesis due to COVID won't be something I'll pin on my department at all. No one could predict the outcomes of COVID so it is what is there.
Anyway, I enter the program and my advising is minimal to none. My advisor read my drafts and things I sent him, but he wasn't really paying attention to whether I kept up on what I needed to do to gain admission to a Ph.D program in Experimental/Cognitive Psychology. Those topics were only really broached if I asked him. Furthermore, when I asked him if I could reach out to any of his previous students, he told me he was only still in touch with just one of this students. So, my networking opportunities and branching out professionally were next to none. Many others I knew in Experimental programs (or a rough equivalent) had advisors who had connections. The program director and my advisor had no such connections. I also didn't get any relevant work experience over the first summer of my Master's either nor did I bump up my GRE scores to be competitive for a Ph.D program when I should've gone above the 60th percentile for all of them. My GPA was also apparently too low.
I had a low GPA for a Master's (3.48 and I even took one non Psychology course) due to a bad first year I had largely due to untreated dental issues (I had to get two root canals and even took finals at one point with dead teeth). Fortunately, my advisor and program director's letters of recommendation backed me up on that issue. I even got a C+ in core course, which thankfully counted for credit in this case and I still graduated in my case.
Furthermore, someone who was a valedictorian in her undergrad and had solid lab experience prior to the program (she even turned down a clinical program for the one at App State) never completed the program due to constant disputes with her advisor and advisor retaliating to an extent by not signing anything. She worked an outside job as well to pay tuition and hid it for a while until she got caught working by faculty and was told to not do so despite working on multiple research projects and was instructor of record for a whole class. She also had all As and one B.
I often never learned things were a problem until they were too late as well. For example, I didn't know that working on other research projects was essential to show independent skills a Ph.D program would want. My advisor also openly said he never read those end of semester summaries, which would've helped him steer me accordingly.
You may be wondering why I didn't broach topics that may have been a concern. I didn't because I wasn't even sure what was a red flag and what wasn't throughout the program. All I knew is that someone who had low grades in their bachelor's had to get a Master's to be competitive for a Ph.D program. In other words, I thought completing the degree was all it took. I had no idea of how many other things I had to pick up.
I will say that I had a feeling something was up when the second year of the program came along and I was the only one with just a 10 hour assistantship. I'll never forget when someone came up to me and went, "Do you have an assistantship with [advisor's name]?" I replied, "Yeah." Their reply, "Well, at least you have that?" There was a 1 credit hour non mandatory TA class that was required for students to become a TA the following academic year. Everyone other than me took it (even the ones who weren't sure if they wanted to TA or not) because I was under the impression I'd have to teach a whole class. Turns out that wasn't the case and many of them did once a week lectures for lab components of a regular course, which I'm confident I could've done in hindsight. Doing so also meant a high enough stipend to where I wouldn't have had to borrow from my parents at the time. I will admit that part of it came from the autistic urge to keep things similar too (I am clinically diagnosed autistic) and not change too much.
Towards the end, my advisor was told to give feedback from the committee to me that Ph.D programs are "trial by fire" and that things would change. Especially with advisors and that "sometimes they're a colleague, sometimes they're a co author, other times you don't know." I was also told to have short, concise presentations as well. I should note that I got a B and B+ in both Spring seminars (1 credit hour once a week courses) because I got Cs on presentations both years. I had the lowest grades on those. I wanted to improve on those but I was seemingly marked down for every little thing.
For what it's worth, I got a poster for a conference out of the experience in 2019 (even if I could in 2020, those conferences were shut down due to COVID).
I realize some of this is on me, but here we are now. There was a general psychology (not experimental) MS degree that gave me full funding that I turned down and was next in line for funding from the Cognitive and Social Processes program at Ball State (program no longer exists). I wish I went to one of those two programs instead! I realize now that Master's to Ph.D admission isn't so much about the speciality as it is the thesis and the quality of it. It stunk a ton and I'd recommend applying to Towson or other similar programs with more funding.

Hey gang, spirits are low from the unfortunate lack of news from yet another big gaming showcase, but I want to restore some hope for the community by reminding us that there is still one more opportunity for Silksong in a showcase this month, and it’s the best chance yet.

• Nintendo has announced that there is a direct happening this month focusing on games coming to the platform in the later half of this year, the day itself has yet to be announced but it should be soon
  
• The recent logins of the kickstarter are signs that something is going on
  
• Finally, the reason why I do think it will appear at this June direct, is how Nintendo for some reason decided to offer free Hollow Knight for all switch online members. You don’t just put a game like that for free out of the blue without knowing something the masses don’t. I think Nintendo has the Silksong trailer in their upcoming direct, and they’re putting the original Hollow Knight on free trial right now to build interest in the series before the sequel is revealed in the coming days.
  

So what do you guys think? I honestly think there’s a good chance - more than any showcase we’ve watched in a while - it will show there. All the signs point to it. So hold those heads up high, and wallow not in despair!
but yeah if it’s not at the direct then we should totally shut down the sub

Is there such a thing as finding too much treasure?
Previous part: 8.9.
​
The new room could only be described as unfinished, you thought to yourself. You were passing under an arch of a building on your way through here and saw that hanging from it were supposed to be two drooping ropes with flags(or whatever this is supposed to be), but instead, you saw a purple digital polygonal imitation of it.
Other purple digital polygonal objects took the appearance of other real things in the area, but they lacked the what?-factor of the digital floating purple particles or what was going on with the ceiling of the room as it was a just purple grid. (Welcome to the AR world Jeremy. Glitchtrap's twisted wonderland.)
But this was all a distraction from the newly introduced threat in the form of Moon, as now you sought targets that prevent his deadly approach to your ride, all while you heard his chuckles.
In the next room, the situation was the same, except you saw different varieties of purple digital things pouring into the area. (Nice! it's the Princess Quest 3 purple pattern from Vanny's room and the purple arching energy from the wrecking ball in Roxy Raceway! I didn't notice them on the first watchthrough of the game, so it's nice to see and know what that connection is. Though now that I'm thinking about it, it's so weird that Princess Quest 4 shows no connection to anything, unlike its prequel.
Is it because the FNAF6's Pizzeria is so digitally distorted by Glitchtrap in the network that it doesn't show the tell-tale signs of the AR world or is it because the Pizzeria's sub-network isn't as connected to the greater network. Hmm... Something to look into later.)
As you continued to move through the area you saw more and more purple things just crawling throughout as you kept alert for specific targets to stall Moon. (Where in the world is this place? There's no such location we visit in Ruin that has this much wrecking ball energy flowing through it.)
But as you gazed about, you immediately spotted a blue blast-shaped button ahead and above on an arch. It's just like what the "message" depicted! Quickly you pointed your hand cannon at it and shot a couple times until you hit it. You were definitely on the right track now.
Passing under it, you were getting close to the double doors that lead to the next area, though curiously you saw purple digital particles that unlike before, were dripping from the ceiling like the floor above you was flooded.
(Okay, the only place that had to drip purple particles like this was the Upper East Server. That in addition to the purple grid on the ceiling above us, tells me we're directly under it, or really near to it. That sorta makes sense, because Foxy Log Ride is in/next to Glamrock Salon which is right next to the Upper East Server. It's so cool to be able to piece that together!)
But surprisingly, after going through those double doors, you were right back on the track heading towards a familiar area you had been to the first time you did this. Did the alternate paths weave in and out of the standard path? That must be it, you thought as you got all of the targets and headed to the next area where the train robbery scene takes place.
Immediately, after the lights flickered back on from the transitional darkness but before you enter the train robbery. You spotted another Helpy cutout and quickly shot it before you passed it.
Passed the train robbery scene is where you expected the path to diverge to the glitched route as you had taken to calling them, and lo and behold, as soon as you had gone through the train and through the double door at the end of it, you found yourself in a new area.
You heard Captain Foxy's voice once again as you entered the new route. "We be not responsible for any maimings that might happen on this here path." If you haven't already had a trip through an alternate path before, you're sure you'll be questioning how you would be maimed during the ride.
Your ride strolled ahead and entered chambers where you now had to shoot the targets to closed doors and block the Moon, rather than to earn points. However, as you did this, you heard people's laughter replacing the general ambiance of the ride. (I wonder if there's something with this.)
In these chambers, you shot another blue blast-shape button that you saw above near the ceiling, while you defended yourself from Moon's relentless drive to get to you on the ride.
But you eventually persevered through it all and made it back to the normal track again where you collected yourself by shooting at targets without worrying about the threat of Moon. But too soon to you, you found another Helpy cutout, which you shot of course, and was once again heading towards the dangerous alternate path. (Oh, I forgot to mention that these specific Helpy cutouts can be found in the original Pirate Ride in Help Wanted. And in Monty Golf and Superstar Daycare in Ruin. I wonder if Vanny had moved them there after the Help Wanted 2?)
This time noted by Captain Foxt with a simple "Overboard!"
The alternate path this time had no laughing ambiance and had you getting up close and personal with a dancing Moon unless you shot all the targets to make him go away from the platforms near where your ride gets the closest to them by turning on the lights. (Hmm... could this be a point against 1983 Moon? Why would 83 Moon be affected by light still? Also, is the laughing important? A hint to something?)
Another blue blast-shaped button was found and shot while on this path of constant danger, but with skill, awareness, and luck, you managed to get through it all. (Yeah I know there are gravestones in this specific area, but I'm not sure if it's referencing the missing 5 plus Charlie gravestone or if it's just props.)
Now you were back on the normal track, and as went through the next two areas you knew that the ride was coming to an end as you came upon the familiar comforting scene of Foxy and Chica along with other animals surrounding a cake and celebrating as you heard Captain Foxy say, "And the real treasure was friendship along."
(Both the scene and Captain Foxy's exact words are a call back to the original Pirate Ride in the first Help Wanted)
But as you stared at the scene, you finally realized that the cake itself had a blue blast-shaped button on it and proceeded to shoot it. To think that you were looking at it and didn't even realize it the first time you came through here. But now it's all over and you can finally see your improved score and get back to the restaurant.
Yet, as the lights flickered off and you moved forward in the darkness, you noticed something was wrong. The western-theme ambiance that was always there on the normal path came to an abrupt halt and left only silence and the everpresent noise of shifting water in its departure.
Suddenly the three spotlights lit up the path ahead of you, revealing to you a treasure chest on a miniscule island under the third one. As your ride got close to it, you noticed a couple of broken wooden boards on the side of the island, next to a crumple Pirate Foxy Flag.
As your ride came to a stop right next to the wooden box, it unexpectedly opened. (waaaaaaaait a minute! ITS THE CORN MAZE BOX!!! It's redesigned, but it's definitely it! Coincidently or is it Intentional? It has to be, they could have used an actual treasure chest for this, so it has to be intentional. Why? Memory Dolls... memories... William's Mask! It's the key to Glitchtrap!)
Gently, softly, the box's lid came open and a green costumed hand came out from the darkness within. The hand smoothly snaked out of the box until it was outstretched to you, revealing to you the treasure that it held in its palm. It was a doll, an unusual one at that, as it looked to be made by crocheting some wool into a human figure plushie. But stranger than that was the fact that it was wearing a Foxy mask.
You didn't know why, but you reached out to the hand, and hesitantly, grabbed the doll and watched as it poofed into purple smoke. The hand, with no doll in its grasp, sleeked backed into the box as the lid closed itself and your surroundings plunged into darkness.
Next thing you knew, the sound of celebrating cries filled your ears as you were back into the GAME WON! void. Stunned by the sudden change in your surroundings, you automatically hit the button for the crane machine to receive your prize with no thought. Your prize this time was a poster for Ballora titled DANCE!
Yet even though it was something new and interesting, your mind refused to be distracted from the bizarre event that just happened seconds ago. But no matter how much you tried to wrap your head around it, no matter how many times you tried to make sense of it, all you could blankly think is, what?
You felt strange, but you knew you had to keep moving forward. So you pressed the RETURN TO HUB button and returned to darkness to go back to the restaurant. Still, the sight of the Foxy doll never once left your mind.
Remember Jeremy? (the achievement for collecting the memory doll)
​
The achievement has twisted this Help Wanted phrase into a question. And finally, an answer was given to another. Everything is starting to make sense, but joy am I finding too much stuff! I reached my limit a couple Parts ago and now I'm beyond that!
But thankfully. Thankfully! we reached the end of Foxy Log Ride and now I can talk about Vanny, Vanessa, Jeremy, the Memory dolls, and even Glitchtrap now, because why not. What other discoveries while mentally exhausted from this stuff!
Don't worry, I know not to burn myself and take breaks. But still, I eventually have to come back to finish this, and that in itself creates mental fatigue. So let's finish this by starting with the long overdue conclusion of Double-V!
The last time we talked about this, I ended it by saying we'll go through the contradictions of Vanny's and Vanessa's character hinted in Ruin and Help Wanted 2. However, I want to go back a bit to when we were first introduced to Vanny as a character in Help Wanted the Curse of Dreabear.
It's only a few lines of dialogue, so it won't be long. Besides, Vanny apparently being a different person than Vanessa, means we can't exactly apply one's characteristics to the other. With Vanny only having so few lines and cameos in Security Breach, she is basically, completely unknown to us.
So what dialogue we know comes from her, needs to be under even heavy scrutiny for any hints of the personality and characteristics of our new villain.
Before we even start with her dialogue, something interesting has already happened in the preceding events. By finding and resembling the secret tapes and doing exactly what Tape Girl says in the final tape we attain the glitchy Glitchtrap plushie
"There is a way to kill it. It wants to escape. To escape through someone. Someone plugged into this game. That's you now. You have to let it begin the process of leaving through you, then use the disconnect switch that I've embedded by the main stage. Let it approach you. Let it begin to merge with you. Play the music and flip the switch*.* That will cause a hard restart of the game and flush the memory, effectively killing it, I hope. I don't know when it will come for you." -Tape 16
Now, we already know that this does not work at all in the slightest, as this method instead has Glitchtrap trapping and locking you up as he is let out of the game through the player's body that he now has control of. Digital Consciousness Transfer.
Next with the installment of the DLC, we acquire William Afton's old mask from the Corn Maze minigame after finding all four keys and the secret glitchy fifth key and head to the cellar where we discover the mask on a table on a candle.
With both of the items together worn and held respectively, we can hear the secret dialogue and the voice of Vanny for the very first time.
“Yes, I hear you. I know... No. There's no miscommunication... I understand... Yes, I have it. I made it myself. I think you would like it... No, no one suspects anything... Don't worry, I'll be ready, and I won't let you down. It will be fun.”
This means that the event that Vanny met Glitchtrap was, in fact, the ending of Help Wanted where you follow through on Tape Girl's deceptive instructions on digital transferring with Glitchtrap!
But right here, is where a slight problem occurs in the narrative of Vanny's story in the games. Vanny still has control of her body, she's still capable of defying Glitchtrap. Something that's been made clear to me through both Ruin and Help Wanted 2, is that Glitchtrap doesn't control Vanny at all.
Does he influence her? Yes. We see that in the way her costume is directly referencing him and the way she moves and dances.
Does he control her, however, that is where things get shaky. Because at this point in time, there hasn't been a single instance where Vanny is seen as someone being controlled.
Remember, we can't use anything that has to do with Vanessa to show that Vanny is being manipulated or controlled. So where in the new era games can you find Glitchtrap controlling Vanny?
You can't.
Does this mean she's doing this out of her own will? That is something that might've been more nuanced than what we all had perceived. Because I did it again, I've found more stuff! This time it's something important that everyone has missed in Help Wanted and it might well be the true origins of Vanny.
You see the base game of Help Wanted actually has a third ending to it. Or at least something that should be an ending. Besides, just completing all the minigames to get stuffed inside Freddy and following Tape Girl's 16th tape instruction, there's something else you can do that involves Glitchtrap.
That is let Glitchtrap complete the process of leaving through you.
I'm sure some of you are confused by what I'm talking about, but it's the sequence where you press the button and flip the switch, leading to the ending where Glitchtrap locks you up. I'm saying instead of doing that, do nothing and watch what happens next.
A blaring noise could be heard asGlitchtrap stretched his hand out to you. He spoke distortedly and unintelligible, while green cones of energy flowed out from him and toward you. In seconds, Glitchtrap's eyes turned red, the blaring noise increased its volume, and the energy cones became purple while your view became clouded in a purple haze. Soon purple spots began to appear on Glitchtrap's body, as the noise became too loud to your ears, and the energy cones became red as your vision was almost nothing but purple. Soon even Glitchtrap started to disappear into the purple as his body became pixelated by the purple, leaving only his general outline until even that became purple.
Finally, after your purple vision grew flickering bright and the blaring noise ceased, your vision slowly returned to you, accompanied by music and the sound of static from a monitor. (That's the same music that plays if you press the button on the side of the monitor and the static sound you're hearing is specifically from FNAF's 2 game over static.)
At first, your purple view distorted itself with pixels before the purple started to fade slightly as you could see the hub world. But your perspective was wrong, you were staring from the opposite side of where you were sitting, while the place you once stood at was empty.
Your vision, still overlayed with purple while distorted and pixelated, looked down as you brought your hands up. Your hands which were always outlined and seethrough, now looked solid and were covered by gloves of a familiar costume that you were just staring at a couple seconds ago.
As the purple started to overwhelm your distorted and pixelated vision again as you stared at your— Glitchtrap's hands, your mind was finally able to recognize the words that were being spoken to you by him.
"Can you hear me?"
If you want to see this for yourself, then I have two Youtubers that I managed to find, that did this. 99TH VR and 8-bitRyan.
After this, you're taken to the GAME OVER void. But what's unique about this void is that the monitor here never displays any quotes, no matter how many times you do this.
This ending that should've been, along with what "Tape Girl" said before finally reveal what exactly Vanny is.
"—Let it approach you. Let it begin to merge with you. —." -Tape 16
A merger, a fusion of two different beings, that's what Vanny is! This is why I was having so much trouble trying to figure out how Vanny came to be from the two "endings" we get from Help Wanted. The answer is neither of the two. She mostly came from the failed Tape Girl instructions scenario where Glitchtrap completes his merger with someone to get out of the game.
It also explains why we see gigantic Vanny in Help Wanted 2's consequences ending and adds even more reason why an altered EnemyBasic appears on her wall in the AR world! Vanny herself is not infected as we first believed, but rather a fused entity between Glitchtrap and someone else.
With this origin, she would still be able to traverse and interact with things connected to the network if she's plunged into it.
And considering what she's wearing in Security Breach and that the Security Mask and the occipital transponder are a technology that exists now in the current FNAF lore. She has every way she needs to stay connected to the Pizzaplex's network. But let's get back to her dialogue and dissect it.
"Yes, I hear you. I know... No. There's no miscommunication... I understand... Yes, I have it. I made it myself. I think you would like it... No, no one suspects anything... Don't worry, I'll be ready, and I won't let you down. It will be fun.”
We can immediately pinpoint a characteristic of Vanny with the entirety of this dialogue, willing and eager to please. I would also put young in that description, but I don't if it's because she's actually young here or that the voice actress has a bit of a youth tone to their voice.
Anyway, the "Yes, I have it. I made it myself. I think you would like it" part of her dialogue was already analyzed by me before, but let me elaborate on something I've been thinking about.
William's Mask has to be in the current Fazbear Entertainment's possession because the pizzaplex hasn't been built yet or is in the middle of being constructed by the time of Help Wanted's development or release since Cassie herself refers to it as an "old headset game", so the Security Mask isn't around just yet.
What I'm thinking here is that Vanny had come across it sometime to use as a reference for her costume. And make no mistake, Vanny's mask is making a callback to it as it's only a slight redesign and recolor to make it her own. Even Cassie makes notes of Vanny's mask being similar to the Security Mask by how she mistakes them for being the same.
But that doesn't sound right. Vanny wasn't working with Fazbear Entertainment when she met Glitchtrap, just under them through the second development team. Plus, most of the game was developed under a different team until it was in its beta version while Vanny's team had just come in to finish it to release it.
We have already seen what an object created solely by Glitchtrap looks like in Help Wanted in the form of his plushies, so we already know that he didn't recreate the mask in the game.
So maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way. Both the mask and Grimm Foxy show up in Princess Quest, and we have already established how both important relate to William and Glitchtrap. And both are what are needed to destroy Glitchtrap.
Where did we first see that Mask? Not in the Help Wanted base game but in the Halloween DLC. That means the game was still being worked on even after its release, so Vanny would've had time to model this mask into the game. But why? I think these game-over quotes that show up only in Dreadbear are a clue.

• Report glitches before they spread.
• Don't look behind you.
• It's only a dream.
• Where am I?
• Purging system...

The report glitches quote, easily fits with what Vanny is talking about in with the "No, no one suspects anything." The "Where am I" part is intriguing, but I don't think I can pin that to Vanny. Hmm... I wonder if this is where our Golden Princess comes to be. It's something to look into later.
It's the "Purging system" part that is what I want to focus on here. This provides the needed explanation for things being the way they are now. Glitchtrap, the one that's not merged into Vanny, might've started running rampant during the DLC development, causing either Fazbear Entertainment or Vanny's development team to focus entirely on shutting him down.
The purging of the system might've been their solution for him. This might've worked too if Vanny wasn't already created by the time of the purging. And since Vanny is working under Glitchtrap here, she would've been in the perfect position to take Glitchtrap and everything he contains out of Help Wanted and into a developing game called Princess Quest(Working Title). Though, Vanny might've rushed the job under such circumstances, taking part of The Curse of Dreadbear's code along with Glitchtraps into the new game.
But that's all for now, I'll talk about that more when we get Princess Quest 4.
"I'll be ready, and I won't let you down. It will be fun.” This right here, more than anything, tells us that Vanny is not so much reluctant but more following in the Glitchtrap's order than we all first believed. But we shouldn't be so surprised about it.
Vanny's previous alias, "Reluctant Follwer", didn't come from any of the games, books, or even Scott's website but instead came from voices.com, a website Scott uses to find voice actors. The name is used as a guide for the actor and a descriptor for how the voice should be toned and acted.
The name is an oversimplification of a character for how they're going to sound in the one game they appear in, not all. So the name "Reluctant Follwer" would've only applied to Vanny in this game.
And as we see from Security Breach, Vanny is anything but reluctant to follow Glitchtrap's order. Yet after that game and as of Ruin and HW2, that name might been more appropriate now than it was back then as there appears to be a rift now between the two. But more on that at a later.
One last thing. With this origin in place, we now have another explanation for why we only hear Vanny's side of the conversation and not Glitchtrap's. We are hearing Glitchtrap's side of that conversation, he is her. It's the reason why her voice becomes echoey in her final word, fun.
Now let's finally get into the ties between Vanessa and the villains. Though...
​
Shoot! I made it too big again! Continue on here Part 8.999

So I'm running into a weird issue I'm struggling to solve. I'm trying to implement a working respawn for the player character in this 2D platformer prototype. Currently what I have works correctly on first death. Player object is destroyed and instantiated at respawn point and player lives are decremented. However on the second death and respawn the player respawns at the respawn point but is not controllable and just falls through the floor with no interaction from the colliders. Will post my player controller script below, any ideas or advice on what could be the issue is appreciated. Also this is my first time posting here but probably wont be my last so if there is any more information I could provide or anything I could format better please let me know. Thanks!
PlayerController script:
using System.Collections;
using System.Collections.Generic;
using UnityEngine;
public class PlayerController : MonoBehaviour
{
[SerializeField] private float speed = 75f;
[SerializeField] private float jump = 100f;
private float horizontalInput;
private Rigidbody2D rb;
private Animator playerAnimator;
string currentState;
public bool playerOnGround;
private bool justJumped;
private bool justMoved;
public GameObject playerPrefab;
public Transform respawnPoint;
void Start()
{
rb = GetComponent();
playerAnimator = GetComponent();
currentState = "idle";
playerOnGround = true;
justJumped = false;
justMoved = false;
respawnPoint = GameObject.FindGameObjectWithTag("RespawnPoint").transform;
}
private void FixedUpdate()
{
if (justMoved == true)
{
justMoved = false;
moveHorizontalPhysics();
}
if(justJumped == true)
{
justJumped = false;
playerJumpPhysics();
}
if (horizontalInput < 0)
{
// Player is moving left, flip horizontally
transform.localScale = new Vector3(-1, 1, 1);
}
else if (horizontalInput > 0)
{
// Player is moving right, reset scale
transform.localScale = new Vector3(1, 1, 1);
}
}
void Update()
{
moveHorizontalInput();
playerJumpInput();
if (horizontalInput == 0 && playerOnGround)
{
changeAnimationState("idle");
playerAnimator.Play(currentState);
}
}
private void moveHorizontalInput()
{
horizontalInput = Input.GetAxisRaw("Horizontal");
// Trigger walk animation if the player is moving
if (horizontalInput != 0)
{
if (playerOnGround)
{
changeAnimationState("walk");
playerAnimator.Play(currentState);
}
justMoved = true;
}
}
private void playerJumpInput()
{
if(Input.GetKeyDown(KeyCode.Space) && playerOnGround == true)
{
changeAnimationState("jump");
playerAnimator.Play(currentState);
justJumped = true;
playerOnGround = false;
}
}
private void moveHorizontalPhysics()
{
float horizontalMovement = horizontalInput * speed * Time.deltaTime;
rb.velocity = new Vector2(horizontalMovement, rb.velocity.y);
}
private void playerJumpPhysics()
{
rb.AddForce(new Vector2(rb.velocity.x, jump));
}
public void changeAnimationState(string newState)
{
if (newState == currentState)
{
return;
}
playerAnimator.Play(newState);
currentState = newState;
}
private void OnCollisionEnter2D(Collision2D collision)
{
Debug.Log(collision.gameObject.name);
if(collision.gameObject.tag == "Ground")
{
playerOnGround = true;
}
if(collision.gameObject.tag == "Death" collision.gameObject.tag == "Enemy")
{
playerStatCounter.getInstance().playerDeath = true;
Destroy(gameObject);
if (playerStatCounter.getInstance().playerLivesCounter >= 1)
{
respawnPlayer();
}
}
}
private void OnTriggerEnter2D(Collider2D collision)
{
Debug.Log(collision.gameObject.name);
if(collision.gameObject.tag == "GoldCoin")
{
playerStatCounter.getInstance().addCoins("GoldCoin");
}
if (collision.gameObject.tag == "SilverCoin")
{
playerStatCounter.getInstance().addCoins("SilverCoin");
}
if (collision.gameObject.tag == "BronzeCoin")
{
playerStatCounter.getInstance().addCoins("BronzeCoin");
}
Destroy(collision.gameObject);
}
private void respawnPlayer()
{
if (respawnPoint != null)
{
GameObject player = Instantiate(playerPrefab, respawnPoint.position, Quaternion.identity);
CameraFollow.getInstance().target = player.transform;
}
}
}

iOS app payout tops out @ $125 value if redeemed with Mastercard GC during the current 6% off sale (18913pts x 0.0067)
Android app pays slightly less @ $93 max (13898pts x .0067)
SwagBucks pays slightly less across both iOS and Android in comparison to MyPoints

First off you want to make sure your SB/MP account or device hasn't made a MPL account before or that you aren't detected as an existing user. App should notify you after you install the app and create an account.

iPhone users MAKE SURE YOU HAVE 'TRACKING' TURNED ON IN SETTINGS AND THAT THE APP ASKS YOU TO TRACK AND THAT YOU ALLOW IT WHEN FIRST LOADING IT UP

Disclaimer: I've only done this on multiple iPhones, I don't have experience with SB/MP tracking on Androids.
You can just deposit $10 and get paid ~$30 for an easy $20 profit and leave it there but there's no reason to not play on and earn more if you have the time. The game I used seems like it was made to 'game' this offer.
MyPoints is paying out more than SB, and even moreso if you redeem with a Mastercard GC which has a 6% discount.
I'll explain how I did it step by step, if you choose to do it differently then I may not be able to help you.

1. Search MPL (see above images - make sure its Rummy, Poker, Money Games version) on SB/MP and install by using the QR code or receiving a link via SMS/Email through the portal.
2. Install the app and load it up. Make sure the app asks for permission to be tracked and that you ALLOW it. If you don't see it you've either had the app before and it already saved your last permissions or you have tracking off. Delete the app, turn tracking on, and reinstall from Step 1.
3. Before depositing $10 in, go into the app's main menu and make sure you find the FOOTBALL 100X game listed as this is the game we'll use to play to unlock the rewards.
4. Deposit $10 or more into your account. Takes up to a full 48 hours for SB/MP to track and update. Wait a full 48 hours before getting impatient and freaking out. It took ~24 hours for MP to show my $10 deposit bonus points to Pending
5. Play the FOOTBALL 100X game, SELECT BEGINNER and then MAKE SURE YOUR BETTING AMOUNT IS SET TO $0.1 (the lowest amount). The higher you bet, the easier it is to get 'tackled' or crap out and lose that round (the algorithm is set to screw you harder the higher you bet). Any 'tackle' before cashing out is a loss - remember your payday is from the SB/MP offer, not in this game.
6. Start the game and pick just 1 square and then cash out. As long as the square turns green you're good and that will count as +1 win on your account. You should win 1 cent. I'll play 2-3 squares here and there to recoup some lost money but don't make it a habit. Take your 1 square wins to reach that 200 win total.

The game will sometimes automatically screw you and make you lose on your 1st try in consecutive games if you go on a hot streak of winning - all of these games are rigged a bit. If I lose on my 1st try I usually will play 3-4 squares in the follow-up game to make up for the prior instant-lost, but that's up to you.
Repeat this for as long as you want. I was able to easily hit 200 win in 2 days - 1st day I played on and off for 4 hours while on the computewatching TV and the 2nd day I hit 200+ in a few hours. You can check how many games you've won by clicking on the little CLOCK icon in the top right corner while inside the FANTASY 100X game.

Actually it wasn't really that dramatic. I think I'm done with this for a little while. I get a government pension so my situation is probably different than yours.
In the movie, we see Michael Douglas trapped in bumper to bumper traffic. It's summertime and his windows don't roll down, the AC breaks and there's a fly buzzing around in the car. He loses his s*** and then abandons his car on the road.
Anyway,
So I get the shop and pay order for $25/ 8 MI. 30 minutes of shopping turns into 1 hour and I still have like 20 items to go. I'm now getting a little nervous because this was supposed to be a 1 hour operation at the most and I would still need to drive 8 miles to get to the customer's house.
She ordered from one of these supermarkets that carry international stuff and of course she selected a bunch of obscure items. That takes a little longer
I wrap this up in an hour and 20 minutes and start the drive. I had to change out a bunch of products and she was immediate to respond. I drive the 8 Miles and pull up to this apartment complex when I noticed there's no apartment number or gate code. What's worse is she decided to vanish. I'm at the gate more than 10 minutes now and getting a little pissed.
Finally I follow someone in but I still can't go anywhere. I don't have a fucking apartment number .. total time of me waiting around now is a little over 20 minutes. The order stopped being worth it a long time ago but I also know this would be an immediate deactivation if I just left the s*** at the office.
She finally springs to life when I tell her I'm going to put it on the curb by the gate. That tells me she was there the whole time.
I get the apartment number and of course it's the third floor. I made four trips up and down the god-damned steps.
I close the order out and there's no tip.
Now, the close to 2 hours I spent on this wasn't really the problem. The 8 miles I drove also wasn't the problem. I expected not to have a gate code if this was an apartment but the fact they didn't leave an apartment number either was kind of a problem. Me waiting around for 20 minutes also wasn't what set me off.
This lady had the balls to complain about a bruise on one of the dozen apples I got her.
I absolutely lost my shit.
Some of you will no doubt criticize me because this is Reddit, but after everything I just said she wants to complain about a bruise on one of her apples? I just got done wasting 2 hours for this person and she didn't even leave one single cent for tip. It was all pay from Uber .
I obliterated her in response. I know it sounds like a small thing to get upset about, but c'mon. What I said to her is irrelevant, but it could absolutely 100% get you deactivated. There was plenty of swear words. This was a few days ago so it's pretty clear deactivation isn't going to happen. Some of the words used were idiot, trashcan,lazy, inconsiderate and dumbass . How they were used isn't important. I was a guy, at that moment, that absolutely didn't give a s*** what this person was saying. What's more, I cared even less what Uber would do.
I think if we ever get to that point it's probably time to do something else
It's not the million drivers on the road or the non-existent tips that are killing us. It's the restaurants never having anything ready when we get there and the GIG companies thinking they should get 75% of everything. It's also the people that have become super cheap in the last few years. Tips would be a small factor in our business if Uber didn't take the Lion's share of everything
I don't think this business model is sustainable any longer