So recently, ‘encik M’ made an appointment for me to meet up with an in-house psychologist. It made me feel a bit better after explaining my situation to him and how I was having trouble with a lot of things & that I had panic attacks countless of times. Albeit honestly speaking, my depression and adjustment issues are still as bad as before.
I was made aware by the psychologist & ‘encik M’ that I’m referred to a psychiatrist by the MO. However I was not informed by the MO itself & i do not have any referral letter and whatnot to say that I’m reffered to a psychiatrist. Even my in-charge encik (lets call him ‘Encik B’) didnt’t know about it until the psychologist told him. Worse part of it all, is that Idk when is the appointment.
Can I know if this is normal? The psychologist told me that I can expect an official message a few days before the appointment with the psychiatrist. But I’m quite left in the dark now as that’s all I know for now

I'm trying to do a translation for Plants vs Zombies in Japanese but the game doesn't support any characters except English and instead shows some other random letters. How to fix this?

I’ve been working on this since last night when I was notified by a few AMAZING Reddit’ers, they were letting me know about someone CLAIMING to be “Jenny-Hurl”, immediately I went to the thread where this PERSON was doing quite a bit of replying, while I was reading everything she was typing, I was also reading ALL the JAIL text messages between Paul and Jenny, as well as phone calls, I wanted to thoroughly compare the 3 for similarities or differences, and it was VERY CLEAR by looking at the grammar, punctuations used, everything that was said in Reddit absolutely did NOT match, there was NOTHING similar in any way, shape or form, I knew that whoever this sick, twisted person was, it definitely wasn’t Jenny-Hurl. We were all asking for a picture showing yesterday’s date, got everything BUT that, and each one was different, and they’re ALL here in Reddit, all over the internet, readily available for ANYONE to save to their phone, to try and pass off as REAL, she got called out, every photo she posted, I debunked, that’s why the person DELETED every comment in the thread, but luckily when replying to mine it sent me email notifications each time, and shows what the person wrote in the reply each time, I don’t have access to the others members this person replied to in the thread, but you should be able to hopefully somewhat figure out what the “person’s” deleted replies to the others were.
In the folder I created to attach to this because of photo upload limit you’ll see some pictures aren’t even of the same person, some found the fountain of youth, or is like the character Benjamin Button and ages backwards..
Here’s a write up message I made for this PERSON, whoever they are..
u/EdieCiaobabyy <~~~ supposedly Jenny
WHOEVER YOU ARE, you mentioned in ONE of your MANY DELETED(because I compared the way you were talking and typing to the way Jenny talks and typed, and they did NOT match) comments last night, that the calls between You and Paul were being ALTERED and so the “REAL TRUTH”(about you?) wasn’t made public, PUHHHLEASE, seriously,that’s the BEST you(whoever YOU are) could come up with?
IF you are Jenny, which I DOUBT you are, (definitely not a baby girl, some may use that term referring to the PSYCHOPATH, but I WILL NOT), it is WELL KNOWN by the WORLD that Zav altered the calls because she gave control of HER YouTube channel to a PSYCHOPATH(yes I said it), and someone else got the UN-ALTERED calls and released them, ALL of them, so I just DEBUNKED the ALTERED calls theory for you, whoever you are..
The JIG IS UP, and I’ve DEBUNKED YOU.
AND if you(whoever you are) THINK that YOU can create an account 5/31/2024 and STALK a couple posts, and then decide to claim you’re Jenny(you referred to yourself as something you’re NOT, I WON’T), and say WOE IS ME, WOE IS ME, BLAH BLAH BLAH, TRYING to play VICTIM, and I wasn’t then, and still don’t now, give a RATS behind about YOU or your life, TIMOTHY FERGUSON, THE ONLY VICTIM was only a 15 year old defenseless, helpless, INNOCENT BOY, and the ONLY VICTIM.
So let me say this, as I want YOU to know, whoever you are, and IF by SOME SMALL CHANCE that you are who you say you are(DOUBT IT), I don’t know WHAT your AGENDA here in Reddit is, BUT you’ve come to the WRONG Subreddit to try and play victim, because it WILL NOT WORK, you are not, and have NEVER been a victim since YOU decided to call Paul(whoever you are) and make a COMPLETE FOOL of yourself for MONTHS, and ONLY YOU are to blame for that, and at this point, in my opinion, WHO you REALLY are is irrelevant, and ALL I have to say to you is THIS: YOU(whoever you are) are one of the most SICK, DISGUSTING, EVIL, TWISTED, PILL POPPING, EGOTISTICAL PSYCHOPATHS I have ever had the displeasure of listening to in those calls, YOU took away the fact that TIMOTHY FERGUSON was the TRUE VICTIM, and PLAYED VICTIM to get EVERYONE to pay attention to YOU, TMZ SKANK. YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM IN THIS, TIMOTHY FERGUSON IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE ONLY VICTIM IN THIS CASE.
And then for you IF you really are Jenny, to have the AUDACITY to come here on Reddit and hoping that IF you out yourself that everyone that loves Timothy, that ALL will be HUNKY DOREY, I can’t speak for others here in Reddit, and some will probably say how harsh and mean I was for this comment, but I can CLEARLY SEE that AGAIN, YOU ARE TRYING TO PLAY VICTIM STILL, and as God as my witness and the LOVE I have for Sweet Timothy that tragically had his life taken away from him at the very young AGE of 15, I will NOT let the fact that TIMOTHY IS THE ONLY VICTIM be taken away from Reddit by the likes of a disgusting troll like YOU, like it was RIPPED from him on YouTube.

TimothyFerguson

Here’s all the information, sorry I had to do it this way, there’s an upload image/document limit: Please let me know if the link is working or not, thanks.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Z303q_R_kLcnYKpABqVOqaKaHlGtfXAn/view?usp=drivesdk

High fantasy / sword-&-sorcery.
A group/circle of childhood friends. A boy is the "Leader" of the group, a novice with a sword but he has an appreciation for ice magic. He is "The Protagonist" who hitched a ride with traveling merchants to fulfill a calling, to be a hero like the legends and epics.
However, he mysteriously disappeared in the outside world with no trace, letters, or news. Nobody knows what could've happened to him for a couple of years (let's say 4 years just to gauge).
The circle grew old enough to get jobs, so they traveled as a group to find their missing friend and to explore the world. Along the way, they pick up missions and quests that'll fund their survival and travels, meeting a variety of people (humans, fairies, even gargoyles) and undergoing many events and adventures.
They'll ask around for any signs of their missing friend, only to end up with either nothing, a mislead ("I'm not sure he's your friend, but we've seen a guy who can do ice magic"), or maybe an outdated information.
Amnesia accident is too easy (and in some ways lazy/bad), kidnapped by the Big Bad needs a reason/benefit that would include the boy. Not sure how well other ideas will work like being ostracized from society or in a secret mission that requires him to be dead-silent.
What do you think? What else is possible? What could be reasons for a character to be "unheard of" even after years of being out in the magical world trying to be famous? How plausible is amnesia or being kidnapped by the Big Bad? Are there other ways to write his disappearance?
Thanks in advance!

I slept quite well I think so that’s good. I’ve been waking up during the night less and less lately! So that’s definitely good. I mean when I do it’s fine because nine times out of ten I fall back asleep within minutes, it’s just something I didn’t have to deal with before but I’m getting older and that happens so I guess it’s just that.
This period can go f itself if you ask me. First it arrives ever so tardily and now it’s playing games on me. Yesterday aka day one it was suspiciously light but this morning? HA. I had to do the roll out of bed and make a mad dash for the shower before gravity became my nemesis. Being a girl is so fun isn’t it. But also gravity also has my back because my sheets are spotless (touch wood). Anyway and now my cramps are also back. BOOOOO. But at least I get to have morning and evening showers this time of the month which will always feel like a little special treat. I just love showers a lot, and I love feeling extra fresh and clean.
This morning I’ve done nothing. I had a shower, got changed into fresh PJs and got back into bed. My cramps hurt too much to do much else and I feel exhausted. I should make sure to take some iron supplements, I can be so bad with them and for someone who has had issues with anaemia and things it’s not very good of me. But it’s just my iron levels at last tested we’re finally showing in the normal range, admittedly the very low end, but normal nonetheless and that was when I was focusing on diet only! So all the legumes, tofu, spinach and leafy greens and nuts and stuff paid off. I mean that’s kind of my diet - aside from also sugar and diet coke and caffeine and bread and pasta etc because I’m just a human - but anyway I mean to say when I focus on nutrition it seems I can get by without the iron supplements, it’s just I have to actively be mindful of it otherwise I slip back down. I don’t know why I’m so bad at taking vitamins, like I take medication twice a day for my head so it’s not like I don’t have a pill time - except I’m getting worse with my medication and keep forgetting so I take it at slightly different times each morning and night but my GP said it’s fine as long as there’s the eight hours gap between - but anyway. Oh fuck me these cramps hurt. Anyway. But iron, b vitamins and the omegas I should take daily. And probably magnesium to be a good girl. And maybe zinc. And a probiotic. I don’t think I need a prebiotic given the foods I eat though.
Today I felt so old and like my life is over and I’ve wasted it being sad and anxy and I won’t ever have a life that I want so what’s even the point but then I remembered that Carrie was 32 in SEASON ONE and she had a whole life so that made me feel better.
I think reading has messed me up because I’m reading this book and it’s describing Tom R and here I am thinking well maybe I can fix him a little bit and Jesus f’ing christ. He’s not even morally grey he’s BAD… but so handsome. And evil characters are always so much more interesting let’s be real. And infinitely hotter. I really need to step away from fantasy romance STAT. (Nevermind he now has red eyes and I can fancy fictional men with wings or fangs but they always have lovely eyes to compensate sooooo…)
Sometimes I realise my self worth is so low in little ways, I mean I know it is but sometimes it just hits me as a small reminder. For example in the book Lupin was clearly worried and mildly agitated that Tonks hadn’t yet arrived back and my thought was well at least I’m not worth worrying about so at least if Andy and I lived in this world he wouldn’t worry so that would make me the perfect person to do dangerous or risky things etc. I don’t even believe someone would worry about me in a dangerous situation. I mean I know my parents love me, but I still feel like it’s out of obligation a lot of the time. And if I died, no one would really care that much. My parents would for a bit but again, obligation. I’m torn at how they would be though. My brother and his family… I don’t think it would affect them much at all. Andy? Well I think in some regard it would be quite freeing for him more than anything. He says he doesn’t want to let this go, that he won’t be satisfied til we give this a proper go? Well if I’m dead then there’s no option, and he can happily and freely move on. Friends? No one that would care, maybe feel a bit sad FOR me upon hearing the news but it wouldn’t affect them in any real way. Work? Ha. Puppy? Probably wouldn’t even notice. I can’t decide how I feel about all of that. On the one hand it drives me to make stronger relationships and all of that, on the other it’s kind of freeing in its own way. So many people don’t end things because they know it would be too hard on their family or whoever else, that’s not really an issue for me is it? I’m of course not doing anything like that, even if I do sometimes daydream about it, but still. Anyway shush.
I still feel so ashamed of myself. I feel like I have absolutely nothing to show for my life. It’s basically evidence that I’m a waste of space, no?
I still have cramps, nowhere near as bad as yesterday though. I hate this time of the month, I feel perpetually YUCK.
Well I tried to avoid a conversation and in doing so forced one sooo… 10 points for me. Idiot. Why can I not make good decisions? If I take time to think about it I usually can but other times I make rash decisions that are NOT GOOD. I don’t have time to write everything out, I wrote notes about the call though because I didn’t want to forget it but so I’ll write about it tomorrow. I feel riddled with guilt though. He does not deserve this, he deserves so much better. And because I refuse to let him go I have to BE and DO better so GET A GODDAMN GRIP YOU STUBBORN COW.
I still have cramps, still still still.
Did I say I finished the book? Idk. I did. I cried my little heart out.
Okay time to go bye

It is apparent to anyone who pays attention that Tolkien in LotR and in The Hobbit uses more than one literary style. (In fact, he has more than one.) Hobbits talk like his contemporaries (“‘My dear old hobbit, you don’t allow for the inquisitiveness of friends”). Elves, and Dwarves, and Men of ancient kingdoms use phrases and grammar we only encounter in old books (“Kings made tombs more splendid than houses of the living, and counted old names in the rolls of their descent dearer than the names of sons”).
So much is obvious; what is not obvious is how to describe the differences systematically. I have been thinking about this off and on for quite a while, and it occurs to me that one reliable marker is the use of contractions.
Since not everybody here is a native English speaker, it may be worth explaining what those are (though probably most students learn about them early on). English word combinations like “did not,” “will not,” “would not” are usually “contracted,“ in everyday speech and writing, to “didn't,” “won't,” and “wouldn't.” The apostrophe represents the vowel in “not,” which is dropped. But contractions are disfavored in formal discourse, such as academic or official writing.
It occurs to me that the presence or absence of contractions is probably as good a marker as can be found for the difference between Tolkien's informal and elevated styles. Hobbits, including Gollum, use contractions all the time. (So do Orcs.) Characters like Gandalf and Aragorn, who move easily in and out of the hobbit world, routinely use contractions when they are in it. But Elves such as Gildor do not, even in conversation with hobbits. Nor do the men of Gondor or of Rohan. (I believe contractions occur only in dialogue in any case; Tolkien as impersonal narrator always writes “did not” rather than “didn't.”)
A rigorous test would take more work than I am going to put in now. But for a first approximation, I searched my electronic text of LotR for the string “n't”.¹ It occurs 1,157 times. But what seems to validate the hypothesis is that there are four significant stretches where it is not found at all.
Frodo says near the end of “The breaking of the Fellowship,” “I don't suppose we shall see them again.” There are no more “n't” contractions until Pippin, in “The Uruk-hai.” wakes up and starts talking to himself – from pages 406 to 444. In other words, there are none in “The Departure of Boromir” or “The Riders of Rohan” – because there are no hobbits.
There are no "n't" contractions in any of the chapters about Rohan/Helm's Deep (pp. 494 to 560), Gandalf, in a seeming exception to the general rule, says “don't” to Aragorn and his companions when they are taking him for Saruman. But then contractions do not return until Merry and Pippin are found at the gates of Isengard.
The next stretch without "n't" contractions is the account of the siege and relief of Minas Tirith. It begins with the departure of the Rohirrim from Dunharrow, and continues until Pippin tells Gandalf about Denethor's madness and asks “Can't you do something?” (pp. 800-851).
Finally, Gimli and Legolas use no contractions in describing Aragorn's relief of Minas Tirith, and there are none in “The Black Gate Opens” (pp. 874-901). And there do not seem to be any contractions in the Appendices, which contain no dialogue between hobbits to speak of.
1 “Not” is far from being the only English word that is frequently contracted. “It is” contracts to “it's”; “we will” becomes “we'll”; “we had,” “we'd.” But “n't” is probably good enough for a first iteration.

Im sure most people have seen the video "Pushing Steve to his theoretical limits, whic there have been some people who dislike the fact that he might solo fiction (Not saying he does) but im going to go over his powers and abilities (See here for reference)

1: Commands dont work for anyone but Minecraft

This ones simple, the commands derrive from the Player, but Steve is the one executing the commands as seen in chat, also Thats like saying if your from another world, then your not affected by poison from that world or simplay cant die because you dont belong there (lol no thats not how it works) /kill (I cant type @ with an e so just thinkof the command) also without mob spawning its an infinite distance

2: The strength limit of Netherite

People say that he dosent lift the Multiverse, but in fact that people overlook is that what was calculated in the video was netherite, though if you calculate it by Bedrock which in comparison to real life is not very durablle, but weighs an infinite amount in minecraft, even if Im wrong about it, Steve is able to break an Interdimensional Gateway (The Nether Portal) with his bare hands and not even toulching the other side, Bedrock being infinite weight is debatable, however there was an April Fools update, where you can enter an endless array of Dimensions, and every dimension resets to some extent every time (Such as the fact no matter what the Obsidian from the End will keep coming back) And when you alter it, you could theoretically be destroying a Dimesnion evry time all the portals are destroyed, and with that logic when you delete the world you can delete infinite upon infinite worlds.

3: Dimensions and World Borders

It was stated in the video that the world is not infinite due to the barrier, Steve literally controls the barrier and can traverse it, and in Bedrock the world is infinite, thus equal to a Universe.

4: Your not doing this stuff the Player is

A common argument I see going around is that the Player is essentially responsible for all these feats, this is right, but also wrong, you see even if you are typing the commands, it dosent work without Steve saying or executing the commands, leaving thw world with the Steve Skin in Bedrock means he exists outside of the material plane, and is Outerversal but most characters can do that so theres no evidence, but with other evidence, Steve can infinitely execute a ban, and no one could resist it, or the kill, since they have zero perms, unless Steve or we allow them to have them, so were/your making the overrated characters fodder,
(This theory is a WIP dont comment on it yet)

I'm writing a new OC fic that follows Class 2-A, or rather an OC in the class. I'm not sure how much I'll use the other students, but I have no idea where to start.
If anyone here wants to help out, share your ideas with me. And I'll be sure to credit you if your character makes it in.
Just to clarify, I need 18 total OCs. One slot is filled by my OC, and the other is filled by Mawata Fuwa (the only named member of the class).
The main OC is Shirou Kemuri, and his quick allows him ti transform into, generate, and control smoke (think Morel from HxH or Smoker from One Piece).
With that said, I thank you all in advance!

I'm sitting here thinking about how terrible Ninja Steel is. A better cast would help a lot, not to mention better writing. I've never seen a show come to such a screeching halt. Where I think the show really fails, tho, is with the entire villain mechanic.
Galvanax is never menacing at all, and Odius even less so. Not only that, they never did the professional wrestling show right. Like, have Galvanax cut a promo where he holds up the belt and tells everyone he's gonna take over the world this Sunday. Have a faction of other monsters interrupt him and talk about how Galvanax can't even beat them, how does he expect to beat the Rangers. Unfortunately, the writers have clearly never seen or heard of professional wrestling ever and didn't bother to look it up at any point.
Most irritating of all is that Beast Morphers did it perfectly with their Olympics Special, Boxed In. Even though they refer to it as "boxing" the whole time, there's clotheslines and dropkicks and a borderline cartoonist commentator and entrances complete with music and pyro. Plus, the Poisy Show established an entirely different style of TV in one episode better then Ninja Steel did in two seasons.
All of this got me curious:
What do you think was ultimately the fatal flaw of the worst seasons of Power Rangers?

• Euphemism:**
  
  • Definition: The substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive or harsh.
  • Writing Prompt: Develop a character who habitually uses euphemisms, exploring how this linguistic choice reflects their personality or conceals deeper emotions.

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

Dear Broadchurch fans, I have posted a series of rewatches of season 1 (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broadchurch\_series\_1) of Broadchurch. Now I find it is time to review some of the prevalent themes within the series. Please be aware that I will discuss season 1 as a whole, so there may be spoilers ahead.
If you enjoy reading this essay, feel free to stop by my AnalysisVault to see if you find some more of my work to your liking. Please note that this subreddit is read only and comments should be made with the original posts rather than the cross-posted ones.

Egotism vs Altruism
One of the more prevalent themes in Broadchurch is the question of egotism vs altruism. I will give you a short overview of both concepts as well as the spectrum they represent, then speak about their implementation in the series and finally make a statement about why the makers chose to make it a central theme.

Wikipedia states:

Egotism is defined as the drive to maintain and enhance favorable views of oneself and generally features an inflated opinion of one's personal features and importance distinguished by a person's amplified vision of one's self and self-importance. It often includes intellectual, physical, social, and other overestimations. The egotist has an overwhelming sense of the centrality of the "me" regarding their personal qualities.

In essence, egotism is the personal philosophy of “me first”. A person with strong egotistical tendencies will make sure their own needs are met before those of others. Think, if you will, of the people who will take the best slice of cake for themselves or drive a gas guzzler out of convenience or cut the line at the airport to get the best seat. All of these are egotistical actions. On the other hand, some egotism is warranted for self-preservation. The parent who gives their all for their children but runs themself ragged in the process may need to exercise more egotism. The health care professional who routinely skips their break to care for never-ending patients may want to be more self-preserving by being more selfish. Things like that. In general, society views egotistic action and unfavorable while oftentime people with egotistical traits tend to be more successful in certain areas of life.

Altruism is the principle and practice of concern for the well-being and/or happiness of other humans or animals above oneself. While objects of altruistic concern vary, it is an important moral value in many cultures and religions. It may be considered a synonym of selflessness, the opposite of selfishness.

In essence, altruism is the personal philosophy of “others first”. A person with strong altruistic tendencies will make sure the needs of others are met before their own. Think, if you will, of the people who will hand out food to others happily but forget to get any of their own, take great strides to pick up trash in a local park or offer up their seat for a disabled person on the bus. All of these are altruistic actions. In general, society views altruism as beneficial and a trait to strive for while oftentimes people with altruistic traits tend to be less successful and may feel taken advantage of.

Basically, egotism vs altruism is the Captain Kirk vs Mr Spock discussion. Spock says: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”, goes into a highly irradiated engine room to save the Enterprise and dies in the process. Kirk says “The needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many” and risks war with the Klingons because he can’t live without his buddy.
However, every action has aspects of both in them. Each action every person takes has both egotistic and altruistic nuances to them. The interesting part is where the balance falls. I will let you decide for yourself which way the pendulum swings on the following examples.
Some examples:
The healthcare worker who overworks themselves acts in an altruistic way because they support patients and help them get better. But they are also egotistical in their own way because being “the supportive one” strokes their ego.
The person who drives the gas guzzler acts in an egotistic way because they pollute the environment unnecessarily, take up a lot of space with their vehicle and probably stink up the place with their fumes. But they might also have an altruistic aspect because they need to move large groups of people, feel they are supporting an industry that gives jobs to workers or even further the economy by spending money.
The person handing out food but not taking any for themselves can be very altruistic but depending on the person they can be very egotistic instead, for example when they decide to hog the table, demand ever-lasting gratitude for their “sacrifice” and/or post their actions on social media for clout.
Finally, a person who writes lengthy analyses and posts them on Reddit may appear altruistic because they attempt to enrich the lives of others with their observations and (hopefully) witty posts. They may also be egotistic in an attempt to garner attention and positive reinforcement through the community they choose to post in.

Implementation in the series:
One of the great things about the series is the fact that they are aware of the different sides of egotism and altruism and allow the viewer to form their own opinion. Hardly ever is anything said bluntly, most of the time we are left to figure out things of our own. We see the way the characters act, we see the way they interact and are interacted with and we are left to make our own decision. Hardly ever are things black and white, hardly ever are we given the one true answer ™.
This is one of the main reasons the series is as emotionally impactful as it is. Because life is messy. Life isn’t neat. Life isn’t simple. Stories with simple and clear answers are not realistic because life doesn’t work that way. Think about it. In the last decade or so there were a lot of shows and movies looking deeper into the question of fairy tale villains and whether they were villains at all. Star Wars does this masterfully by looking at Anakin Skywalker’s arch. He seems like a clear-cut villain in episode 4, the first to hit the screens, but as more of his story is revealed, he becomes much less cartoonishly evil.
In fact, the idea of egotism vs altruism is the driving factor in the various aspects of the investigation the detectives conduct. Look at the different suspects, if you will. All of them have (at the very least) some very egotistical behaviors. Steve Conelly, con man and maybe psychic is getting a feeling of importance when passing on his “messages” to the great expense of Beth Latimer, among others. Mark Latimer is so very much wrapped up in his selfishness he neglects just about everyone around him unless caring for them fulfills his needs. Nigel Carter engulfs himself with righteous anger against Jack Marshal, not for the community but seeking Mark’s approval. Paul Coates revels in the attention he and his church gain from the case. Susan Wright is so eager to protect herself, she harms others pre-emptively. Jack Marshal, the man who slept with a child, then married her. No 40-year-old man would do that for selfless reasons.
All of the suspects we are presented in the show are – in one way or the other – selfish. And that’s perfect. Murdering a child is an inherently selfish action. The true joy of the show comes with finding out that the murderer is a man who we are made to perceive as deeply selfless.
Let’s take a look at Joe Miller and how he is portrayed on the show. As I have stated in the various rewatch posts, most of the time Joe Miller is shown as loving, caring and genuinely supportive parent and partner. As u/Vioralarama stated so well in my post about episode 5, “He's got the plot armor of the supportive spouse who handles all the emotional work for the person working the crime.” On the surface, he does. Every time we see Joe Miller, he is seen with a member of his family. And every time he is seen he is doing some sort of supportive work for them.
Case in point, when Joe and DS Miller invite DI Hardy to their home for dinner, Joe does it all. Puts the kids to bed, prepares dinner, does the dishes. He tries to mediate between DI Hardy and DS Miller, too, and makes a great effort to lighten the mood.
Once you look below the surface, though, things look entirely different. We see glimpses here and there that things are not what they seem, mostly through things we DON’T see rather than the things to DO see.
Joe Miller shows some worrying signs of being a neglectful parent and partner quite early on in the show. To pick up the example of the dinner experience, when DS Miller leaves the room, Joe Miller uses the time he has alone with DI Hardy to probe him for information. If he truly were the supportive husband the show wants us to believe, he would’ve used that time to help both find common ground in their working relationship. DI Hardy is the one who brings that up and asks about whether DS Miller likes him. The conversation is cut short though as Joe Miller filled the narrow time slot with questions about the case and didn’t leave DI Hardy enough to ask about how to improve his working relationship with DS Miller. Case in point, DS Miller keeps complaining that DI Hardy addresses her as “DS Miller” instead of “Ellie”. This would have been a great talking point for Joe Miller in that moment, asking “why” and mediating between them. Also, did Joe Miller make a dinner invitation to help DS Miller and DI Hardy form a working relationship or did he do it to garnish information?
More examples:
When DS Miller and Joe Miller tell Tom Miller about Danny’s passing, both leave him alone in his bedroom. Neither offer a shoulder to cry on. Sure, DS Miller is just as responsible as Joe here but Joe is the stay-at-home parent and therefore the more direct caretaker than DS Miller. Also, over the course of the show we never see Joe actually engaging with Tom, there is no attempt at comforting him, not even when he is obviously distraught. Joe Miller lets Tom out of his sight at the Arcade in episode 5, right in the middle of the “pedophile panic” surrounding Jack Marshal. Just in general, Tom spends a LOT of time wandering the town alone. This image doesn’t sit well with the façade of caring, loving, altruistic father.
Indeed, the filmmakers are pulling one over our eyes with Joe, who turns out to be one of the most egotistic persons in the town. Joe spends time and family money on Danny, he breaks into a holiday hut to do so, manipulates the boy with abuser language and, when threatened to be deprived of his attention, gets so angry he strangles the boy. Whom he still believes to be his son’s best friend. And who is his best friend’s son. The same best friend he then begs for praise because he didn’t drop the body into the ocean so he didn’t have to spend years wondering what happened to the boy.
But why do the filmmakers do this? The series REVELS in red herrings, side plots, dead ends and misdirection. The greatest misdirection they can give us is showing us the “perfect” man and making him turn out to be the most terrible one of all. It’s an emotional gut punch and the type of storytelling that works really well with the type of story they want to convey. Because the story of Broadchurch is not about Danny’s murder, it’s about the fallout that follows. A community like this learning that one of their “best people” is indeed a child murderer has to have a terrible ripple course through it, upsetting it deeply.
With so many other characters filling the “egotism” bill, we are offered a view beyond the picturesque coastal town in Dorset, England, where things look perfect, harmonious and just lovely. The series revels in showing us this image and dissecting it piece by piece, looking deeper and deeper into the cesspool of secrets and bad decisions. As such, the viewer is given the change to observe the deep hurt inflicted upon the more altruistic characters – most of which happen to be women – by the egotistic characters – many of which happen to be men. It is the direct and even more terribly indirect hurt that is inflicted upon the altruistic ones that gives the story the emotional impact it has.
Case in point, Beth Latimer and DS Miller both are exploited by their husbands and end up not only dealing with the direct fallout of their respective actions but hurt to a point they cannot even rely on each other anymore. They are both stripped of the delusion of happiness and family being their haven. They are also both stripped of a friendship which could supply each with a friend who “gets it”. Heck, just for the fun of it the makers toss in Susan Wright, a woman who has been so terribly hurt by her husband that she became jaded enough to “join the other team”. She has become the egotistic abuser her husband was simply because she (probably) used to be altruistic. Her experience with her husband, the police and the loss of her kids have kicked her to the other side of egotism simply out of a deep need for self-preservation.
Before the question comes up, no, the series is not about men vs women, or men = bad, women = good. And neither is this post. There are egotistic women in the story, like Karen White, Susan Wright or Becca Fisher. There are altruistic men in the story, too, like DI Hardy. But the trend is quite distinct. In my own personal experience this comes from the general societal expectation that women should be altruistic and work for the group. An expectation that is not socialized as thoroughly in men. The show picks up on this and showcases it to great effect, placing a great emphasis on the price some women are made to pay for following this expectation.
Finally, the question of egotism vs altruism is a thinking point the viewer is left to ponder with beyond the end credits of the last episode. The discussion of who is what and how much can keep the viewer’s mind busy for some time. Several people on this sub posted they hated Mark Latimer’s selfishness, and many commenters agree. If you ask me, this is a great result for a series, making the viewers contemplate things such as this beyond the actual viewing experience.

Hi everyone,
I am looking for help. I am trying to write a letter to my first korean teacher. We got pretty close (she was my witness at my wedding) but i have moved away from the capital and so i can not attend her cöasses or see her often.
I would like to give her an update and i have the message itself written but i need help with letter formatting. What is a polite greeting in a letter? How do i sign off? Any phrases for wishing good health ?
I appreciate your help! 감사합니다!
Edited to add: we normally speak to her in class without honorifics (so -예요/이에요)

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

TLDR: How many groups weave AP’s plots together, campaign after campaign, versus just function as disparate, stand-alone stories? Also, AMA for Giantslayer, Ruins of Azlant, and Rise of the Runelords.
Our current group started before one of my co-workers and I joined it, but in its current configuration we have been going for around seven years. We’ve finished three AP’s start to finish: Giantslayer, Ruins of Azlant, and as of last week, Rise of the Runelords. This post will contain spoilers for all three so please be aware. I entered Giantslayer at the start of Book 5 along with a co-worker who had never played a tabletop before, and for me it had been years since I played, I typically have been stuck in forever DM mode. We fit in pretty well as the group was willing to work around our extremely busy and complicated work schedule. Over the course of about a year and a half, including a change in venue, we managed to finish the two extremely large back-to-back dungeon crawls of books 5+6.
For our next campaign our DM wanted to do something different can gave us a 25 point buy and 35-point custom race creation, told us we were bred in a lab, and to go crazy. We came up with some unique creations and spent the next 3 years (thanks, pandemic) running our custom creations through a modified version of Ruins of Azlant, replacing the Azlanti Spindle Society with Aperture Science, including GlaDOS signing Still Alive to us. As we were winding down that campaign, our DM asked if I would be willing to DM the next one, since he wanted to get a chance to play. Considering that I had just had my longest uninterrupted period of time as a player, I said sure.
After some deliberation, I decided that we would play through Rise of the Runelords. Overall, I thought it seemed well paced and enjoyable, but three parts immediately stood out and made me want to run it: book 2’s hunt for a serial killer through a haunted house, book 3 effectively being Pathfinder’s version of the Hills Have Eyes, and the last books Wendigo assault on an isolated mining camp. Those three portions clinched the deal for me over other AP’s.
Each campaign I set myself a goal. For Giantslayer, it was to relearn the rules and the differences from 3.5. For Ruins, it was to master the intricacies of the feat system and combat maneuvers through playing a BrawleMaster of Many Styles combo. For this campaign as a DM, I had three goals: 1) allow the PCs to hit level 20, (2) tie all of our campaigns together somehow, and (3) having just finished replaying the Kingdoms of Amalur remaster, I wanted to throw a Crudok in there somehow.
After four years or so of playing at this point and topping out each AP at around 16, I wanted to give my players the opportunity to see 9^th level spells and capstone abilities. I knew I was going to have to create a bunch of content to add in to get them there, but I can do a lot of that at work, so I wasn’t too worried. I knew I wasn’t going to be running Wrath of the Righteous right after either, so this was the only chance for the foreseeable future for them to get to 20.
The whole point of this post was the tying of campaigns together. I wanted to give some fanservice to our previous parties and their actions and started thinking over how to do this organically. Funnily enough the catalyst was Volstus the Storm Tyrant, easily one of the weakest antagonist’s (by background and characterization, not necessarily power) Paizo had written. I asked what if his fall from grace in greed and covetousness was caused by an external force, say the Runelord of Greed.
From that point of conjecture forward when Volstus ventured into the Kodar mountains and came back with an Orb of Dragonkind, it was from Xin-Shalast that he found it, and it came engraved with a Sihedron Rune on it. Volstus thus became Karzoug’s Proto-Mokmurian, and his death and loss of his army sent Karzoug back to square one. Additionally, when we started book 6 in Giantslayer we managed to avoid every confrontation before the cloud castle, so there were ready made adversaries to throw into later books already available. Krellan, the shadow giant inquisitor of Zon-Kuthon also gave my PC double middle fingers when she “noped” out before her death, so I knew I wanted vengeance. Our Ruins of Azlant tie ins were not as many, but we ended the campaign right after we killed Ochymua, so we never recovered or did anything with Auberon the Drowned’s phylactery. I figured we would bring him back somehow and go from there.
From advice on forums, this sub, and the Rise of the Runelords dm discord, I worked to tie in Aldern and Ironbriar to the pc’s from the get go; Aldern just with a little bit more roleplay and interactions with them. I had Ironbriar there for the dedication to the Sandpoint cathedral and my surviving Inquisitor (also a member of the Pathfinders) there upset over Cayden Cailean not getting a shrine within. After the party fought off the goblins Ironbriar threw some gold at one member in a private interview, seeming aloof but fair, and proposing sponsoring the group. Another member began a series of interactions with my old pc, the best part of which is that no one remembered his name, so they didn’t make the connection till book 4. I threw in a book in the marketplace that another pc bought, about fables and legends in Varisia, seeding the Sandpoint Devil, Black Magga, and Crudoks in general, and their progenitor, Grandfather Crudok, a rebellious Tane, in particular.
The rest of book one occurred as normal, with a few additions or changes; I fleshed out the rest of the Goblin Chieftains described by Shalelu. I had the pcs encounter them coming back from a meeting at Thistletop from meeting Nualia seeking alliances. Nualia became an Anti-paladin, which worked out really well.
Book Two went swimmingly as well. The pcs were setting into their sin/virtue characteristics by now, so when they got to Foxglove manor, I assigned each type of haunt to one specific sin, which they all were kind enough to have already began to roleplay. Aldern became a Serial Killer Vigilante, which I though fit in well with his multiple personalities, also making him a little more sympathetic. Searching for clues on the Sihedron lead them back to Bishop Malakon (my old character’s name), who revealed the tie-in to Volstus and sponsored them into the Pathfinders. The rest of book two went mostly to plan.
By the time they were making it close to Fort Rannick I was beginning the mass of insanity that would become the rest of the campaign, as I began to customize each encounter to either become easier or present more of a challenge. Almost every major encounter was rewritten from this point on, mostly due to adding another player (playing a pet class), and another pc taking leadership. Between the increased pace of leveling to get them to 20 before the Eye of Avarice and having effectively 9 party members (pcs and pets), it was the easiest way to continue to provide them challenges, but also be able to throw them a softball every so often, so each encounter wasn’t too stressful. Outside of customizing the Ogres and Ogre kin, most of book 3 stayed faithful; Lamatar became one of my friend’s characters from Giantslayer (I didn’t feel too bad about making him undead since he had ended the campaign dead and was only resurrected in our epilogue). He was later reincarnated as a gnome and chose to become the druid of the Shimmerglens after Myrianna passed on. Lucrecia managed to escape both the Fort and then the Clanhold, taunting the party before teleporting away.
Book Four was fun to set up. The Giant invasion ended up involving all of the Stone Giants and the dragon of the written encounters, but I added all of the Ash Giants, the siege weapons, and the Black Scorpion from Giantslayer book 6. The PCs gathered what allies they could, teleporting to Magnimar to spend their money and alert their friends, and built-up Sandpoint’s defenses as best they could. Also, through tracking the dates in game every session, the attack occurred in the middle of winter, with much of the water around Sandpoint frozen.
As the war drums started beating and the party saw the army of giants following a colossal scorpion with catapults on its arms and back firing at them, I could tell they felt I had maybe overplayed my hand, especially when the dragon set the Hagfish on fire. So even though the Deus Ex Machina was really tropey, when our current Swashbuckler’s character from Giantslayer came to the rescue with the flying castle she kept at the end of that campaign and proceeded to engage the Ash Giants with her friend Ferin (from Forge of the Giant God) and her murder chicken Axebeak mount, the expressions on my players faces made up for it. The players raced to engage the dragon before he burnt down Sandpoint and directly after the fight were engaged by Lucrecia and a party of assassins tailored to take out the party (it helped that one pc kept wearing the Sihedron Medallion until the Runeforge; scrying on them was always happening). After winning that fight, I threw them another curveball.
They had stationed all of the Sandpoint defender NPC’s defending the lower portion of Sandpoint, and they now had to play them, trying to hold the attacking Stone Giant’s off for the 10 minutes or so their character had already been engaged. So, they played a waiting game while running Ameiko, Tsuto (out on good behavior), Lyrie and Orik (whom they had spared), Sheriff Hemlock, and Father Zantus, and the only survivor from Fort Rannick, Vale Temros. They did an incredible job, managing to hold off a force of twelve Stone Giants and Teraktinus for almost 8 minutes before Zantus was killed, and Ameiko, Lyrie, Orik, and Sheriff Hemlock were captured; Vale and Tsuto managed to escape and point the pcs in the right direction. On the way to Jorgenfist the party encountered it’s first Crudok. On the bank of the river, outside of the Deathweb’s cave, the party also fought the undead body of Black Magga, who they happened to have killed in the encounter during the flood in book 3 (I used a Bloathsome from Green Ronin’s Freeport Bestiary for her). Outside of some stat changes the rest of book four went as planned. Same with book five.
I had been leaving little hints as to Trelmarixian throughout the campaign so far; I like him as a villain and I never would have expected Famine to be the most interesting Horseman, so kudos, Paizo. I had decided at this point that the Wendigo being themed around hunger would work with this. I statted up Grandfather Crudok as one of the Tane who had been corrupted and converted to a worshipper of the Horseman of Famine, and it was his corrupting influence who had drawn the Wendigo to that corner of the Kodar mountains. After defeating Karivek’s ghost and the Wendigo, the storm’s end revealed a summoning circle that activated a portal, through which Trelmarixian, Horseman of Famine, rode through on his Apocalypse Horse. Joining him was his summoner, Grandfather Crudok, a mythic version with druid and evangelist levels, who’s animal companion (sic) was a lesser Jabberwock, and for good measure, the Horror Tree became a Sard. The party froze, asses already kicked from their fights in the cabin, and a scroll case that they had been given back in book two and carrying since then, began to glow. A portal to a tropical area opened up, and our characters from Ruins of Azlant stepped through, leveled up and given four mythic ranks. Our old characters fought this battle in one of the most fun one-shots I have ever run, and all of the work I had put in to get my players to this point was worth it as I got to both challenge them and see them let loose with some member berry comfort food.
We just finished our fight with Karzoug last week and this coming week will be doing a campaign wrap up and session zero for our next AP, Strange Aeons. I think this one is going to mostly be going by the books, since I am going to be writing out 5 backstories as it is. I was just really curious how many groups last long enough to link campaigns, and whether or not any dms go through the efforts to do so.

This post sucks to write.
My boyfriend is my first real love, I’ve had casual flings and “exes” in the past who have never given me the amount of attention and love my boyfriend has. He’s planned amazing dates and been there for me for a lot, however we haven’t been together for longer than 9 months. We’ve made serious plans about marriage and seeing a potential future with each other.
He is about to graduate as a full time active duty Marine. That means we have been apart for two, going on three months, with no contact other than two letters. He has written me more than he’s written his parents or anything else, and he has been very successful during bootcamp, winning drill competitions, promoted to the guide of his platoon, doing phenomenal on his physical tests, etc. We met at the same recruiting center before I told him I decided I was going to go army, which was okay with him, however we quickly realized that we would never get stationed together if I was full time active duty.
We both agreed we would follow each other wherever we went, made retirement plans and all, however, he says he wanted to wait a year or two before marrying me to “see if it lasts”. We have great chemistry, he’s already seen my best and worst, he’s seen that I am a self sufficient provider for myself paying my own bills and working full time, and says he’s very proud of me.
I know I want to be with him forever, but I feel that he needs to decide whether he is going to marry me or not when he gets home so that I can know whether or not to enlist in the reserves or full time active duty and not put all my future eggs in a basket for someone that is unsure of me. The only reason I would go to the reserves is so that I could live wherever he is stationed, we would get free housing if we are married, and I would be able to work part time while also tending to our home comfort, cooking, cleaning etc. Otherwise, I would be full time active duty so that I could get my own housing and other benefits situated without having to accommodate being in the same place as a partner.
When he gets home, he will only be here for 10 days. I want to enjoy my time with him and love him as I always have, but I’m fearful of displaying affection and intimacy to someone who isn’t going to be around me for long as our relationship may come to an end.
How do I prepare for this or handle this situation? Is it really as simple as having a conversation and ripping the bandage off? How long do I wait to have this conversation, and how should I go about bringing it up, tone and all? I want to marry him I don’t want to go years of dating and searching when I feel I’ve found my person. If he rejects me, should I just enjoy our final moments before parting ways forever, or do I just cut it off right away? I love him.
TLDR; my boyfriend wants to wait a year or two of long distance before marrying me and it is holding up my career path, and he only comes home for 10 days, I don’t know how to discuss it

I'm writing this on a throwaway account since these people know my main and actively engage with it. This is also gonna be a pretty long post since I'd like to provide context on how I even ended up where I am today so strap on in. Also apologies if any of this doesn't make sense, I'm pretty upset and stressed out and I've not slept in what feels like weeks. I have a lot of anxiety about all of this.
I started my first year in uni last year in September and met a couple of people I thought were nice enough on the first day. I'll call them 'G' and 'M'. I thought they were nice at first and we got closer as the weeks went by. G and M are also engaged so we talked about weddings quite often. They're are also cosplayers which becomes key in this. We got a lot closer around a time they were going to a con. Their previous friend had dropped out last minute but since they had already paid for everything they invited me. I also wanted to get into cosplaying at the time so I saw this as a perfect opportunity. I would spend nights at their dorms getting know them and we instantly got a long.
At the time, I was very nieve to all the red flags they were presenting as they were unusually willing to let me know EVERY detail of their life, including their sex life and what not. I found it werid but chalked it up to them being very comfortable around me which I found to be a compliment at the time but looking back, I now knew what was up.
(A little but of important info here but I had just feld a country 5 months prior to escape the abuse I was experiencing at home and went to live with my mum. G and M knew this and knew about my dad in depth)
Con comes around and they introduced me to a group of friends who were instantly very reserved around me. I chalked it up to nerves and thought that maybe they're just nervous which is understandable. This was until everytime I would speak they would give me dirty looks, talk over me and even dismiss me. M had also picked up a habit of making a lot of things about himself and anything I found interesting, he would make it clear that he didn't want to know, even telling me that he just doesn't want to hear it. When I went to meet a YouTube who attended the con, he seemed annoyed when I was excited and told me to stop being so excited since this was his 3rd time meeting them.
By time I got back home, their dismissing and also just really shitty attitude throughout left a sour taste in my mouth. However, I just chalked it up to nerves at the time.
A month goes by and they intoeduce me to another cosplayer who I quickly became friends with. When I told G about this, they told me to stop talking to them since I'll brea their heart as they "fall in love easily". I really didn't get that sentiment but still continued talking. Nothing romantic was ever talked about.
Then I started feel more attached to these people. They were practically in my life 24/7, I wa sin their dorms over nights almost everyday and began picking up the same eating habits as them as well. It's also worth noting that these people are "disabled" which is still up to debate.
They would frequently interrupted anything I enjoyed and conveniently pass out EVERYTIME I talked about something I liked or wanted to do. I also suffer with VERY acute psychosis which has been well treated for many years. They would constantly tell me that any doubts I had were just to do with my paranoia and that I should just ignore it. That or they would tell me that I was being manipulative and seeking attention.
This was all very sus but up until the incident I chalked it up to learned behaviour as I know one of them suffers with PTSD like I do.
At some point around this time, I had developed a severe kidney infection which almost turned into sepsis and I had to get the ambulance out to me. I'm no stranger to ambulances as I also have them out frequently due to severe panic attacks which almost cause a seizure and a heart attack I'm some cases.
Strangely after this, despite telling me that they've never had an ambulance out to them, for anything small like an ache they would call 111 which they didn't know before I had told them. 111 in the UK is the none emergency line that can send out am ambulance if you need it. However in a lot of the cases M had, they were perfectly fine but would cry and sob on the phone and say they felt like dying. Of course they send out an ambulance to check on them but it would always be fine.
Worried as I was all the time, I neglected my studies to take care of them and I'd spend a lot on them since I felt the compulsive need to take care of them. They would also guilt trio me with the fact that they were both previously homeless in their childhoods so I needed to get them something in return. I ended up spending over 300 pounds a month on them.
I caught M out one though since the uni I go to, require the ambulances to inform the reception first for permission and to unlock all the doors for them. Before going up to M, I had to go to reception to ask if they would let me in. When I informed they why, they were confused and said that there were no ambulances that parked up at all, not even firefighters which sometimes arrive for medical aid occasionally.
Moving forward a lil I had started to grown attached to them more to the point where I thought I liked them. They expressed to me previously that they're poly and so am I. M had even stated to me that when they first met me they found me attractive and wanted to potentially have relationship.
One day I decided to just confess over text making it extremely clear to them that they had to think about it first so that we did not rush into things and make things worse. If they wanted to be friends then i would be ok with that and I made myself very clear 3 or 4 times within the text.
Instantly, because i was in the room next to them, they came in and told me that they loved me. They hugged me and cuddled me for a while until we went into M room. I was in G room at the time. Suddenly, they both got completely naked in front of me. I had told them that I'm ok with boxers and a shirt since they were more like shorts but getting naked? I was shocked but just went along with it. I was in a shirt and boxers until they told me that i should join them and take my top and bra off (we're all under the trans umbrella). They both persisted and feeling pressured I took my shirt and bra off and joined them in bed. Then G opens up a folder on their phone of their nudes together which I was in shock for. I knew they had it but tbh, I didn't really want to see it. They then expressed how our previous shopping trip to a sex store (we're adults and we go in there cause why not) was a test to see if I would take the hint they liked me. I'm autistic but even I could tell that that was a lie. There were never any discussions of that nature that took place that day.
They then went on about their sex life in full detail. I'm not particularly fond of the idea of personally having sex within the first few months of dating since I'm very frigid about that sort of thing. I'm not stranger to sled pleasure but anything like that is entirely different and I wanted my boundaries to be known then and there. There were a few touches here and there after that, all of which would explicitly done with consent as I have had encounters with SA previously. They knew this.
After that day, they all of a sudden stopped talking me completely. We were on uni break so it wasn't like I could talk to them in class about it either. I felt alone and like I had done something wrong. This sent me onto a pretty bad depressive episode which triggered a small psychotic episode to occur. During which they would constantly tell me when they did feel like talking to me that i was just like my dad (abuser) and that I was being annoying and paranoid about everything. I have since talked to me my mum about this since my memory is a little hazy from that time and she said that the only thing that could've given the episode away was my sudden belief in a god and afterlife. I'm an atheist and grew up that way. But G and M were mostly referring to the fact that on numerous occasions I had called them out on body shaming me, using me as fatspo to fuel their own anorexia and belittling language they would against me constantly. This was even present in class alot since some students who I'm now friends with even stated that they acted as if they ere higher than everyone. Anytime you didn't give them attention, they'd start going on about suicide or passing out only to wake up seconds later.
They also claim to have DID and that one of their alters had encephalitis. This wasn't just a symptom holder either. They would claim they all had it and even told paramedics who were caring for another patient who had broke their leg on campus at the time that they had it. Although after this, they came back pissed to the paramedics caught on pretty quickly that this was a lie.
Months of this built up a full mental breakdown and I had one of the most server panic attacks of my life. I had to be admitted onto A&E where u saw the mental health team to discuss as safety plan since I was have frequent bouts of this. I've always felt with hallucinations since I was 8 but never like I had on that day and to this day, the only thing I can fully remember is the feeling and vision I had. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
G and M response to this? They went to my friend who was packing my bag at the time and told them that if they didn't pack it the right way I would hate them. They actually cold apparently and not once did they ask how I was. When I got home, I only saw one text saying "hey, Ik your in A&E but you can tell me in your own time what happend."
They were very much disinterested me and I began to be fed up with them. I had an upcoming concert with them not long after so I figured I'd keep the peace until them and they distance myself from them since I was clearly suffering from it all. Around this time, I had randomly been kicked out of the discord we had together with the people we met at con. I asked around they just gave one word responses. I had attempted to be friends with them before but annoyed by their sudden disinterest in me again, I just moved on.
Fast forward and I'm logging in on minecraft to a shared server we had. I used this server as a coping mechanism since it was literally the only thing that got me out of bed and moving to a degree some days. However everything I ahd built was gone. All my pent uo frustration just let itself out and I started crying down the phone over a voice message to G. I was a bit pissed but overly. Key thing note however is that I was having a go at them and in no way screaming at them which they later claimed I did. I even showed my mum and therapist and they were both in agreement that I was not shouting nor did I even raise my voice. It sounded more like I was upset than anything else.
G then said that they lost trust me because of this and that they wanted some distance for a while. I apologies profusely, even getting my mum to help me since I was I no way fit to text. However, a dumb mistake we made was sending the same apology over to the both of them, the only difference being their name. G then stated that because of the name, that they felt like I wasn't actually apologising and didn't wanna hear it. I tried to clear things up but the they told me that I had no excuse to act this way towards them since they were "such a good friend to me". After this, i went on call with a friend of mine who is my ex. However we ended on pretty good terms and are still close to this day. They even look after my cat for me.
I'm gonna call him J. J can be the over protective type so in response to my distress texted G ti find out more about why they were so cold about everything and in his mind, over reacted to something so insignificant like minecraft. This is where they made the claimed that I had screamed at them and I sent them into a PTSD attack. What J did notice though was that the story they gave was almost word for word of a panic attack in had explained to J about, almost like they copied it and changed a few things. They the proceeded to tell me that I was abusing them in that moment and that i was exactly like their dad (who's a pedo btw). Hurt by this and the fact that I had told J to NOT text G at all, I ended thinsg of stating my true feelings about everything and said that I never wanted to see them again. It felt good to get it off my chest and honestly freeing. The weeks after that were spent healing in therapy with my mum who both agreed that their actions in the past were more akin to.emotional bullying. Om still coming to terms with this I had trusted them with every fibre of my being. It felt like my heart was being ripped apart whoever, I stated talking to new people in my class around that time. Each of them said that they had notice the same behaviours towards me themselves and were honestly concerned for my safety since they would frequently talk shit about me behind my back. They then put on their snapchat story the next day that they were greatful for the friend they had and got rid of dead weight in their life. They also chalk up their sudden change to be apart of their BPD which if you have seen the eyes of someone who's manic, you'd know that it has a distinct look. The photos they took of themselves really disturbed me as you can clearly tell they're not right in the head at all. The eyes were dark and blown fully. Their eyes just looks black and soulless. I showed another friend who has BPD to confirm if it was what I was thinking and they agreed. It was unnerving and I honestly felt uncomfortable. I couldn't sleep well that night. They looked like they belonged in those headshots of convicts who had just been arrested and still are clearly under the influence. After this I also sent out a text containing context to everything to the group chat since I knew they were gonna manipulate things. I have seen them in person do it and it's honestly disturbing to see. Each one responded telling me that I was a liar and that I should feel ashamed of myself. One even told me they weren't gonna hear me out since they didn't know me well which I think is just a werid line of logic to have tbh. One even accused me of faking my disability which I quick proved to be false which silenced them. I've since blocked every single one of them since I don't wnat anything to do with them at all. I don't want them to know about my life and twist things again to hurt me. Forgive me if I'm over doing it but honestly, it was like I was talking to group of psychopaths who didn't care for anyone but themselves. Their past actions certainly proved that much.
Fast forward a week and I'm out shopping with friends all of a sudden, at even location we were at G was there. These were bookshops that were not well known the area and hidden very well so there would be no way G would know about them, especially since they don't like reading. G still followed one of my friends on snapchat and we found out by testing that every post we'd make, with or without the location attached, G would be right there moments later. Creeper out we ended the day for our own safety and went home.
Ever since all that, I have been taking to a friend of mine who G and M claimed abused them although with the evidence I have seen, it was the complete opposite. G was a regular drug user and would constantly use drugs as an excuse for their actions. My friend also suffered heavily with mental health problems and physical ailments that they need physio therapy for. G and M would constantly tell them they were faking and that they should stop acting like they were in pain. This is similar to an incident where they stated that I was not physically disabled cause they couldn't see it. Which is stupid honestly. By law, I am classed as disabled as to this day I struggle diary with ankle and knee problems due to a late development. I frequently use my braces but I don't use a cane since I'm too self conscious despite it being recommended to me by my doctors.
It hurt to see that they were treated this way and we bonded over shared experiences. There were also other people they had done this too.
Finally getting to the main issue, recently a con just took place which I had to cancel last minute since a family member died and I had to fly back over to my previous country to attend the funeral. The friend that G and M introduced to me started getting closer to them which I honestly didn't pay much mind to since I'm now just done with that shit. However, it wast until now that I feel uncomfortable. All of a sudden, this friend, ill call them O, had removed me from their private account for "safety reasons" and said they had done this to othe people. It didn't take long before I saw with my own eyes that it was just me. G and M have a nasty habit of spreading false rumours and if you know the cosplay community well, that shit spreads liek wildfire. It doesn't have that they have a sizable following compared to mine and know alot more people than I do. I honestly think they're tryna turn people against me and I don't know what to do at this point. I want them to leave me alone and keep my name out of things. I have had so many great days ever since we stopped being friends and my health has also improved dramatically. I'm not having as many panic attacks or severe ones either and I've not had a depressive episode like the ones before ever since.
I don't want to be dragged down like this and I wanted to defend myself however I know for a fact they have more influence then me so many people will side with them just like the group chat did. I don't know what to do anymore and I really don't want things to kick off again either. If I sense any drama starting at all I will just block people cause I'm just not having it. It's all child's play and they honestly need to fucking grow up and grow some balls or something. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thoughts?