I see a lot people that post in frustration and worry that they’ll never be “good” at programming, so I wanted to ask for some feel good moments you’ve experienced on your journey to learning programming… I recently had a pretty awesome moment that boosted my confidence, in my programming ability and knowledge.
TLDR: Hobbiest, worked on a personal game project over a year ago, came back to it to improve it, and found my code was well organized, well written, easily adaptable and expandable. Made me realize the studying I have done actually stuck, and maybe I’m not as green as I thought. :-)
I am a complete hobbyist, I work on projects solely for the joy of learning a new skill that just so happens be making video games, which I grew up loving, but have never understood how to program.
I started learning Unity and C# during the tail end of the pandemic, and I quickly discovered I really enjoyed coding, and making games, but understood that, realistically, at 37 years old, I would not be changing careers, so just took the process at my own pace, I worked through the C# Players Guide(5th edition, I think) I completed almost every tutorial series on GameDev.TV that had to do with Unity or C#, and watched many topic specific videos on YouTube, Udemy and skillshare…on topics like AI, Pathfinding, Procedural Generation, ShaderGraph, 2D, 3D 2.5d…
Rick Davidson, Penny de Byl, Brackeys, CodeMonkey, Jason Weimann, Tarodev… amoung many others, have been my teachers. I have made many small tutorial projects, and a couple larger “intermediate/advanced” tutorial projects, but nothing that was really my own, I’d just been enjoying the process of learning and making simple fun games.
Well, a little over a year ago, March 2023, I decided it was time to start my own project. I had no delusions of grandeur, I had no plans on actually releasing anything. I just had an idea for a game, and I wanted to see if I could build it from scratch. So I did.
My game plays like a 2 player board game, Two Factions: Good Vs. Evil, both factions with Three races to choose from (Humans, Dwarves, or Elves, and Demons, Monsters or Undead) with dice rolling, a hex grid game board, different phases for each players turn, combat between units( a basic attack that did a predetermined amount of damage), the goal was to collect 7 “energy” nodes randomly scattered on the board, 3 on each side of the board and one on the center Hex.
Each side takes turns moving their 3 unit types (a collector, a warrior, and an Overseer), around the board, trying to eliminate the other players collector, and collect the nodes before the other player. If a collector is destroyed you have to use collected energy to span a new one. Its all set in a fantasy setting, and the scene is set to look as if your playing a board game in a medieval pub.
I did some really complex (at least to me) things too. Each match is set on a procedurally generated game board, set to look like the chosen game board environment (ie, grasslands, sand dunes/desert, volcanic wastes, wintesnow).
I built my own state machine to manage each players turn. With multiple states, an optional “magical misfire” state, that only occurs if the player rolls a 1 during collection.
I built my own Camera Managment system utilizing cinemachine, it’s simple but it keeps track of which camera is active, controls the camera movement for each players camera… etc.
I built my own player notification system, that allows for timed notifications system that both sends to notification panel for immediate display, and also a log for players to refer back to if needed.
I have multiple managers to keep things compartmentalized, and as OOP as possible.
I created multi base classes that all have numerous heirs, and came up with ways to make everything customizable and unique. Each player has a choice of 3 factions, all with their own UI, their own HomePieces, each unit is unique, and it looks pretty good because I have been using humble bundle since I started learning to get a very large collection of synty model packs, and high quality UI assets.
After 3 months. I had a working game loop, a very customizable game board generation system, and had pretty much accomplished what I set out to do. Everything in my initial development document had been implemented. However, the gameplay itself wasn’t very fun. It all worked and looked pretty good, but it just didn’t have any umph. (I have not added any “juice” either, so it was pretty stale) I decided I had reached the point where I was a little lost on where to take it. I had been spending A LOT of time working on it, 4-5 hours a day on top of my full time job working customer service at the airport. Yes, I was enjoying it, but I burnt myself out, and I started getting frustrated that I seemed to be stuck. I could not think of anything useful or fun to add. I had ideas, but I couldn’t think of how to implement them… and if I did try something new, I couldn’t work out how to get it to sync up with every thing else, and things just kept breaking. I thought “I’m too deep at this point, and I must have too much spaghetti in my code.”
I felt happy with where this project had ended, as it was complete, and everything I had put in my initial planning document was implemented and working…and, I was actually really proud of some of the systems, like the hex grid generator, and the procedural terrain generation, and all the ideas I had about how to initialize the whole thing and get it all working over multiple scenes, with multiple players… I learned a lot, and really enjoyed it over all. I was happy, but felt I had taken as far as I could. Even though I had ideas I wanted to do, like different actions for each unit, different spells for each faction type, etc.
As I said, I was feeling burnt out, I had enjoyed the process but, it had taken its toll. So I took a break from Coding. Not really knowing how long it would be.
I got really into Oxygen Not Included, and spent hundreds of hours building colonies, and trying to reach the temporal tear… I have yet to make it, sadly. I then spent a while playing My Time at Sandrock, and happily built up my workshop, while helping uncover the conspiracy of the stolen water, and returned the desert to a lush oasis… I played many other games in between as well, finding myself analyzing the mechanics, the presentation, the feel… Then the itch came back. I hadn’t even opened Unity in almost a year. I had had a lot of ideas in the in between. Specifically ideas about what I could do to improve the game I had created. So, I thought”I’ll try something simple, see what I remember…“
I found, it was like hardly any time had passed at all. I was a little fuzzy on some things, and I needed a few reminders of syntax and other small things that popped up, but any issues or forgotten techniques were quickly remedied and remembered.
However, I was nervous to revisit my game. I remembered how frustrated I was when I decided to take a break. I just KNEW I had too many dependencies, I just KNEW everything was spaghettified mess and I would be in a nightmare of refactoring to clean things up. Plus, I had read so many Reddit posts about revisiting code, even from just a couple weeks ago, and the programmer not remembering anything about it… like they couldn’t even remember writing it, let alone what it did… So I thought it would be a futile experiment to try and improve my game.
But, I was curious if I could improve things, and add some of the ideas I’ve had. So, I opened up the project, and played my game for the first time in almost a year. I noticed a few issues right away, remnants of my final attempts to improve my game while at the end of a burnout, that I frustratingly couldn’t figure out how to fix at the time. Like the player pieces spawning in the wrong rotation (facing away the opposite of where they were supposed to face.) or the game board generation, if the board wasn’t viable, it was supposed to reset and start over to generate a new board… it was, but the finalization of the regenerated game board wasn’t receiving a certain list of prefabbed terrain tiles, and would spawn those as null, so nothing would appear, where there was supposed to be a terrain tile. So I decided tackle those two issues first.
I dove into the code… and to my surprise, where I expected to find a mess of random variable names, or confusing methods, that do multiple tasks, creating a grid of confusion… I found logical code that made sense. Properties were named in a way that I knew exactly what they were for and what they contained, I could follow the path way of calls and understood what was happening, where.. it had been almost year and I hadn’t even looked at this code, and I understood what was going on. I refactored/rewrote a few areas, and got the unit spawning rotation and the generation reset issues resolved. Surprised at how well I was understanding my old code. I decided to be a little bolder, and rework how moving the players units worked. Originally during the movement phase, the player would roll a D6 and could move each of its units, any number of spaces up to their dice roll, on the board. I wanted the different units to feel more unique, each with their own “stats” as it were, so I added a few variables, reworked a few lines of code, and soon enough I had the movement I was liking for, each unit with its own distance, no dice roll needed. Also, it was fairly easy. I was able to make the adjustments to the code and get the results I wanted without breaking things, without effecting any other aspect of the game, as intended, in a way that made total sense working with the other systems. I am now fairly certain that my frustration and inability to get the result I wanted or expected, was due to burning myself out, by not prioritizing my mental health over my enjoyment of coding.
I have since begun work on improving my game again, in earnest. With a healthier work/life/coding fun balance. I have been working for a couple more months since picking it back up. And I have been able to implement entirely new systems, such as a gamePieceAction system that allows each unit to have unique attacks and abilities, Allows for different types of ability use during the different phases of the turn, so collectors can have collection abilities, were warriors have combat abilities, and each players home can have support abilities like healing units, buffing units, etc…
I have added a FogOfWar system that disallows the players to see each others moves, and I have come up with a lot of ideas for how to improve things, and it’s all working and fitting together without causing a huge headache and without having to refactor half the code to work, my initial attempt was actually pretty good, and I am able to implement the ideas that I think will make it more fun, maybe I’ll get it to a point that I can share it for others to play too, and I am excited to be back to doing something I truly enjoy. Thanks for reading!

A burst of light. A hiss of static. Suddenly the room came into crystalline clarity. Environmental trackers ticked away at the peripheral and distance calculators calibrated with twinkling lights. Outside, the sounds of Thunder and Worm fetching another round of turret packs could be heard, almost drowned out by... that noise.
They had spent the day bombarding a cluster of Scythers as they scuttle around the crashed ship. Seemingly, they were unmoved as the shells landed directly on top of them. But they were too close to that hull and after several near explosions dug into the metal frame, an almost direct hit smashed through the outer hull and detonated the structure from inside. Instantly the Scythers went berserk, charging towards the facility.
Myn'knottott was no Mechanitor, he couldnt order any of the Security Mechs into defensive positions. So it was down to him to muster the combat staff. Which in this instance was everybody able to walk and hold a weapon. He was still the Junk Rat though. And that position held responsibility to keep the faith even in these dark times. Turret packs were to be scattered across the open field with a clear line of sight to the Scythers and the staff positioned a short distance behind for covering fire. Thunder had also been instructed to grab the EMP Launcher. The din of preparation rang through the facility.
He could still hear her, even inside the armoury.
Just as the ship had detonated and that psychic wailing had ceased, something snapped in the Mechanitor. Normally, her augmented limbs were kept hidden under her duster, folded away neatly into what looked almost like normal limbs. But she had rose up, legs splitting into six mechanical spider legs, arms splitting into clusters of tiny grabbers and whipping leads of plasteel. And worst of all, that eye. The Archotech eye that didnt look at you, but at your meat, reducing you down to precise calculations of how many meals you could produce once squeezed through the paste dispenser. That eye did not see a person, a life. It only saw data.
Technobabble screeching filled the corridors as she stalked the facility, looming over Staff and bombarding their senses with static and binary chatter. Any moment she could simply step over a staff member and consume them within whirling plasteel limbs, never to be seen again.
Myn'kottott did not relish facing even one Scyther in combat. But he had been Shaped for the task of defending the facility. The Machanitor had Shaped him with her own skills. Every cut. Every implant. All for the purpose of making him More. What could her tools do then if, rather than be employed to improve, they were used with malice... what could a person be made to endure?
He finished preparing his armour and rushed out into the war zone well underway. Chill winds and gentle snow fall a stark contrast to the hail of lead, both Ionised and black powder, slamming into the metal frames of rushing blenders. The preparation seemed to have done the trick as the Scythers were struggling to close the distance. But as Myn'kotto joined the front line, ready to charge any machine that managed to cross no-mans land, a dark figure loomed in the facilities doorway, bionic limbs pulsing and thrashing quietly in the drifting snow.

Recently in the last six months I’ve been a caretaker for my mentally disabled aunt. Let me start by saying I never asked to be in charge of her care. My grandma forced this task onto me and since I live with them rent free I felt I had no choice.
Which has made me increasingly resentful of my family. It seems I’m the only person willing to help in her time of need my other family members sit around idly making remarks with no help at all. What makes matters worse is my aunt is no picnic to take care of. She messy, argumentative and disoriented. She doesn’t sleep at night and eat everything she can gets her hands on. She refuses to go to a living facility and there’s nothing we can do without power of authority. Even if we got that we live in an area that doesn’t have any resources to choose from! Everything keeps getting increasingly worst and our efforts to find care for her has all fallen at a dead end. I’m not sure how much more of this hell I can take before I too loose my freaking mind!
I’m F23 I’m unemployed and suffer from major depression and anxiety from events from my childhood. I’m feel like everything about this situation is the perfect storm to destroy me. I’ve become an angry resentful person who I don’t recognize in the mirror anymore! Just recently my grandmother gave me a puppy. I guess she thought it would make me happy but instead it’s just another unnecessary responsibility that I didn’t ask for! It whines constantly and shits/ pisses everywhere. Last night I got fed up with the little beast.
Against my better judgment I stuffed it in a duffel bag then I beat it with a 1 1/4 metal wrench before depositing it in the dumpster down the street. I’ve never done anything like that or even had the desire but I was so fed up the other night! I just couldn’t control myself. I know I’m a horrible person and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did. I am a murder. I don’t deserve to be here. How could I do such an awful thing? Am I loosing my mind?!

I, (18F) moved in with my boyfriend (19M) a couple of months after I turned 18, and my parents were furious and hurt. There’s a lot to unpack with this one, so bear with me.
My parents (40F and 42M) are very religious and were somewhat strict while I was growing up. I have two younger brothers, one 17 and one 8 (this will be important later). For context, my father is a pastor at a local church and my parent’s religious beliefs are the reasoning behind most if not all of their actions. Growing up, I was never a stereotypical girl. I didn’t have many female friends and was usually not accepted in groups with guys as I was a girl and we were kids. I was extroverted as a child but due to being repeatedly rejected by kids my age, I became more introverted. I was a major nerd who loved superheroes and I wanted to play sports. Again, for context, the town I grew up in was very conservative and my parents are very conservative themselves. Girls liked girl things- even if they claimed that’s not how they felt, it’s how they acted. However, as a kid, I did not realize this. I played soccer and basketball growing up, regardless of how “weird” it made me because I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I was probably around 9 or 10 at this point. It was around this time my parents started having issues with my hobbies. I remember my parents trying to convince me to be a cheerleader because I would “like it more,” but I insisted on playing basketball. (This basketball/cheer program was through our church by the way). Because I was still young, they let it slide, but to this day I remember them being annoyed with it. This is also around the time dieting was introduced to me as well as calorie counting. I have always struggled with my weight and so has my mother, so they were very adamant on making sure I was being “healthy.” I didn’t understand it, but as a child, the only thing I was worried about was making my parents happy. A lot of discipline I received revolved around emotion. What I was doing was right or wrong and if I did something wrong, I felt terrible and awful and would often come crying to my parents about the mistakes I made, fearful of their disappointment and anger if they found things out themselves. They also made everything a moral dilemma- everything was about God and religion and as a kid, it really messed with my head. I would blame myself for everything that went wrong, seeing it as God’s punishment for my behavior. When I was 9, I went so far as to blame my grandmother’s death on myself because I was hanging out with boys instead of girls. This made me to be more of an introvert and my now anxiety disorder is much much worse.
About a year later, my parents sat down with me and my brother and told us they wanted to adopt. At first, I was very excited. I loved the idea of having another brother or sister. And I wouldn’t trade my 8 year old brother (let’s call him Scott) for anything, but adopting kids is part of what triggered a huge change in my parent’s behavior. Also- I had started getting older. I loved playing video games, watching cartoons and writing. However, these weren’t the things they wanted me to like I guess, because I started to feel their judgment become more clear and apparent as I got older. Now, I assume this is because as a kid, I just did what I was told, or my oddities were assumed to fade over time, but that is not the case anymore. Anyways, entering middle school, our family fostered a little girl, let’s call her Ally. A young woman in our church had told us that Ally’s family was out of the picture, and as her aunt, she couldn’t take her in as she was already a single mom and planned on adopting her brother, but couldn’t handle all three alone. So my family stepped in- however, we had come to find that her father was still in the picture and was actively fighting for custody. And Ally was a bit of a handful. My parents have admitted that they expected to swoop in, save a child from a hard life and be the heroes, and when things were harder than that they were very upset. Ally was about three- she remembered her mom (who was in jail i believe), her sisters, her grandma and grandpa, as well as her dad. She didn’t want our family, she wanted hers. She didn’t listen to my parents and rejected their parenting. This is what started to make my parents snap. I understand it was hard for them, but now that I’m older, I get it. She was a little girl who wanted her family. But they took her rejection very seriously and were constantly unhappy with her and made sure she knew it. Children not listening immediately was newer to them as my brother and I both did pretty much whatever they asked, and they did not take well to being told “no” by a child. 8 months after living with Ally, she was taken in by her grandparents to live with them and her sisters. The next day, my parents took my brother and I on a small trip. I’m not sure if it was to cheer us up or to celebrate. I was quite sad though- I had started to really care about Ally and had convinced myself that “God would take care of things” and I would have a sister. But I was angry- God took someone away from me and I was doing everything right. Why was he punishing me? Nothing made sense. Yet, only a year later, my parents were considering taking in another child. I wanted nothing to do with it- God had already taken one sibling away from me. I couldn’t do it again. In the end, I agreed and soon became attached to this little boy, who was two when we met him. This was Scott. I immediately became attached- and I love this kid more than I can describe- he’s my little brother and I would do anything for him.
This is where things start to go further downhill. Scott has a lot of trauma and mental issues, one of those issues being oppositional defiant disorder. That basically means that listening to any form of authority is near impossible for him, and causes him to lash out and act younger than he is. This is probably due to a number of reasons, as he was severely neglected and abused as an infant and his birth mother was on several different substances while pregnant with him, to the point where he was born high on several illegal drugs. He was left in a car seat for most of his infant life, so the back of his head is slightly flattened due to this. My parents are very obedient/disciplined-based parents, so his behavior rocked their world. In my opinion, the way they handled things with Scott was borderline abusive. There were several occasions where he would say he hated them (as young children do when they're mad) and they would flip. Telling him that if he didn’t want them that was fine. They didn’t need him. He could run back to his other parents, but his mom was in jail and his dad didn’t want him, so good luck with that. If we were in the car when this happened, they would threaten to leave him on the side of the road and good luck finding his way home. Once my mother literally pulled to the side of the road, placed him outside the car and started driving so he would “think they would leave him if his actions didn’t change,” but she turned around to get him. Because they would “never actually abandon or hurt him,” their actions were justified and perfectly fine. They would tell him he was acting like a baby when he started to cry and scream. “Little baby Scott, do you need a diaper?” Is how they would tease him when he became older, which just made his tantrums worse. They would tell him how disappointed they were with him and that he should be ashamed of himself and the way he acted because they gave him everything. They would call him, to his face, “an ungrateful manipulative piece of shit.” Because according to my parents, he could control his actions 100% and was choosing to act out to make their lives difficult. While I understand that this was hard for them, in my opinion, this in no way excuses their behavior. One time, Scott was crying and was upset (who knows why, but the kid had a lot of trauma and mental issues so it didn’t bother me too much), and my mother picked him up and put him in his room. She told him that every time he tried to leave his room, she would take away one of his stuffed animals. (He had several that he loved very much). Because this sounded so terrible to him, he ran after her trying to say it wasn’t fair. So she went into his room and took a stuffed animal. This cycle continued while he cried and begged for her to stop, because he just didn’t get it that she was going to keep doing this over and over and his trying to convince her was making it worse. Eventually, there were none left, and she told him if he didn’t stop crying she was going to throw them all away. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I do know that several of them were thrown away, if not at that time than others. There are many other instances of things like this and worse occurring, but we’d be here for a while if I tried to recount them all. Moving forwards to closer when I was moving out-
Now, several years later, when I turned sixteen, I had come to terms with the fact that I was bisexual. This went against everything my family was for, and I knew exactly how they viewed queer people. So, I started learning about different branches of Christianity and felt like I knew a God who loved me as I was and was happy in my decision to switch denominations. (My parents were baptists, and I wanted to be non-denominational). A few months after this, I decided to tell my parents the truth. I had done my best to give them hints, but I wanted to be honest with them because I trusted that they would love me and be there for me no matter what. When I told them I wanted to talk to them about something, they pushed and pressed and I had been trying to wait to talk to them until the next day. I had been seeing my high school counselor, and she suggested giving them a heads-up before springing that conversation up on them. However, after telling them to wait, they went through my phone and saw that I had researched different denominations and read different sermons on queer-accepting faith. They were livid. To be clear- I had a friend over while this was happening. We were watching a movie and joking about how I lost my phone and couldn’t show them this picture I wanted to. Then, I was called upstairs. I had apparently betrayed my parents and, “how could I do this to them, when I had someone over?” My father demanded I send my friend home, but my mother convinced him for one more hour. I was told not to tell my friend anything they had said and to act like things were fine, but I couldn’t. I went back downstairs where we were hanging out and started sobbing. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Everything was over- and the people I thought would love me no matter what made me so afraid and sad, I was completely broken. My friend did their best to comfort me and even felt weary to leave me alone with my family but I told them I’d be okay, and asked that they update our friends about the situation. That night was hellish. So many conversations, them trying to understand what I felt, but not taking me particularly seriously either. That night turned into weeks of books, slideshows, conversations, and prayers. It felt like at-home conversion therapy. Eventually, I was given a choice “put my convictional flag in the ground or loose their trust.” As the petrified 16 year old, I chose to lie. I put my “flag” in the ground and did my best to, “earn back their trust” and repair their reputation that I had tarnished. The next couple months were a blur. I felt so terrible about myself. I didn’t know what I thought or believed and I became extremely hyper anxious and depressed. I had lost all sense of privacy and I did trust my parents further than I could toss them. My 17 year old brother (he was 14 at the time, let’s call him James) was 100% on board with my parents. My life felt like a living nightmare. My parents had it so that all my texts sent or received from my phone would go directly to theirs, so I couldn’t even confide in my friends without getting into trouble (which had happened and was how I found out that they did that because I deleted the texts immediately after sending/receiving things).. Everything felt like it was about me and how I needed to earn back their trust and how I was a terrible betrayer who they were not proud of in the slightest. I had gone to get a pixie cut (with their approval) and after they told me I was disgusting and repulsive and would never find a man to love me. I was heartbroken and felt so alone and unloved in my house, while I had to watch my younger brother be treated the way he was by my parents.
Luckily, I had a lot of friends and our school counselor who had been there for me through everything. They showered me with support and love and made sure I had a safe space to exist and truthfully I think they’re the only reason I didn’t do anything drastic and am still here today. It was hard though because James went to the same school as me and would tell my parents if I was with anyone he knew was queer or queer accepting. This caused me to be very very paranoid about who I was with, when, where, etc. Constantly covering my tracks, having an excuse set up and ready to bolt if I saw anyone I knew. What made things equally hard is that the church my father works at is quite big in our area. So if someone from our church or someone who knew my family saw me with anyone they labeled as “queer” or “gay,” they would tell my family as well. For the most part, I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I was constantly alert and on guard, even when I was asleep as my parents had woken me up before to confront me about someone I was friends with at school.
Fortunately for me, despite everything being such a mess, I am quite academically smart. I got a job the second I turned sixteen as I had heard the horror stories of queer kids being kicked out and wanted to be prepared. I had been saving money, taking college classes (we have a state program that pays for the classes while you’re in high school), and putting on a show for my family for quite some time. After saving some money, I paid my parents for an older car that they had paid off ten or so years ago. After my brother turned 16, he claimed it was too hard to share a car with me, so while I was away visiting a friend they bought him a car and told us that they expected each of us to pay them one thousand dollars before we graduated high school and that when we did so, they would sign over our respective cars to us. To be clear, I contributed to insurance and paid for my own gas, as well as contributing to my phone bill and money for food. Meanwhile, my brother had no job, and was constantly asking my parents for money to go out with friends. He had also taken up golfing, which as most people know is extremely expensive, and my parents funded everything. James had actually admitted to asking for more money than he needed and save the leftovers for whatever he wanted. I was also expected to chauffeur him to golf events and to get togethers with his friends, and my parents would in return give me some gas money. Another thing to note is that the only reason I was contributing to our phone bill is because James wanted unlimited data and my father said it was unreasonable unless we both contributed financially. I refused as I was trying to save money (as I would have with the car situation), however things per normal went James’s way. However, because he did not have a job, he was not expected to pay anything and would not be charged for the months and years that he did not contribute to. I did my best not to let these things get to me and to keep a level head. I paid my parents for the car because I already had over two thousand dollars saved as a seventeen year old high school student due to my hard work.
I focused on my classes and joined theater to help fill the hours in between school and work. I was much more active my sophomore year but when James also decided to join theater I retreated a bit as my once safe space to freely exist was no longer safe. I joined the stage crew but honestly that was also very enjoyable and lethargic for me and I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways, I was mostly a straight A student besides the stray Bs and one or two Cs (psychology and AP government screwed me over) and was working 15 or so hours a week. This is on top of my commitments to the church which were most of my Sundays and my Wednesday evenings. The funny thing is though- James missed more church than I ever did yet because my absence was because of work and not golf, I was the one consistently reprimanded for my lack of attendance and socialization whilst I was there. Yet because James could never do anything wrong and was a very extroverted person his lack of attendance wasn’t as serious as my own. I had one close friend through our church, let’s call her Grace (now 18F) and she actually knew about everything and was very supportive of me. I also had some other friends who really only showed up to church so I didn’t have to go through the torture alone which I don’t know if I could ever repay them for. Besides the people I was comfortable with though, I was pretty much a loner there and this heavily displeased my parents as it made them look bad and messed with their reputation. I never realized how much appearances meant to them until all of the shit that happened took place. As I mentioned before, our church is very conservative and traditional, and many sermons and lessons revolved around gender roles and the sinfulness of the world in terms fo the LGBTQ community. I consistently felt targeted because of my looks and my personality and stopped feeling comfortable there a very long time ago.
Now that more context is in place, fast forward to the end of my junior year. I had at this point finished all my high school requirements for graduation and was given an incredible opportunity to go to our local college full time for my senior year. I was very excited and happy because not only did it give me more freedom but it also meant I would get more than a year of my college education paid for by the state.
It was also around this time when I met my now boyfriend, let’s call him Dean. We were coworkers and had begun to get to know each other. We had a lot in common and while were different people personality wise, we enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. By some miracle, I convinced my parents to allow me to hang out with him outside of work by claiming he was just a friend and saying that he was a Christian (which is by no means true). They were extremely skeptical but allowed us to hang out. We had an incredible time- and by the end of our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend which I happily accepted. I was so happy, but when I got home, things spiraled out of control. I told my parents about our time, and they were extremely unhappy as they felt fooled (which they were to be fair) and told me I was not allowed to see him ever again. I was devastated and they said a lot of very uncalled for things and but I understand why they were angry. To be clear, they knew I had a romantic interest in Dean and that this hangout was to see if we would be compatible partners and get to know each other better. They did not call it a date though because they weren’t comfortable with it, even if it was a date and they kinda knew it. So while they were on some level “fooled,” I feel that their anger and harshness wasn’t called for as they knew the intentions of our hanging out. The next morning my father demanded to see my phone. This is when I started to panic. You see, they had stop tracking my texts and I had openly flirted with Dean over text. Nothing that explicit and no photos of any kind. But the flirting would be enough for them to tear my world apart and I knew it. They had gone through my personal conversations before and made me feel terrible because of it and I refused to let them do it again. So I deleted everything. The entire conversation chain, I removed it from my phone 100%. My parents absolutely lost their shit. They had been manipulating and gaslighting me for years, doing anything and everything to keep their control and with my actions I showed them they couldn’t control me forever and things went very downhill. I lost all my privacy and was once again told how I had betrayed them and I was terrible and couldn’t be trusted. Again- I partially understand their anger here because I had directly disobeyed a command. But at the same time, I feel as a young woman I should be allowed some sense of privacy and the ability to talk to people without being constantly monitored. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and would happily do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I’d be where I am today. Regardless of this, my life became a living hell once again, and my parents compared this to when I came out, “which was maybe the worst night of their lives.” They stripped me of all my privileges even if I didn’t have many to begin with. They made me feel absolutely miserable and awful about myself and I was monitored like never before. I would be working and receive texts upon texts of how I was so terrible and how could I do this to them because they had done everything for me and I’m a terrible daughter who should be ashamed of myself for the deceit and malicious nature of my actions. Again- this was because they could not read the messages between me and my now boyfriend. I understand them being mad but they took it to a completely inappropriate level. I shared everything happening with my friends and counselor and they supported me and assured me I did nothing wrong and they would be there for me which helped but as my home was now a living hellscape it was hard to hear it. I found a way to tell Dean about things and at first he felt guilty but I assured him that their actions were not his fault but theirs. He then asked me if I wanted to pause our relationship but I told him honestly that they had taken so many things I cared about over the years and I refused to let them take this. I did tell him however I understood if he didn’t want to put up with all the complicatedness of my family but he told me he cared for me and would be there so long as I was okay with it. He also told me if things ever got really bad at home, regardless of the fact we had just started dating, he had spoken to his family and they offered me a place to stay if I needed/wanted it. This really touched me, but I reassured him that it was not his job to offer that, but I appreciated the offer.
This begins our relationship and we were very happy. We had found a way to communicate over email, and we were able to hide our relationship with my family. Luckily for me, over the years I had made a habit of hanging out at the park by myself so it was not strange for me to head to the park for a couple of hours. There, I would leave my car and phone (my phone had a tracker on it) and Dean and I would hangout multiple times a week and it was heaven. At this point, we’ve only been dating for a year but I can admit without any doubt that I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. During the school year, it became easier for us to hang out in between classes as we both went to the same college (I am older for my year in school and he is younger, so he was a sophomore in college while I was a senior in high school. However, we are barely a year apart in age for anyone who is concerned). However, in order for us to communicate and hang out, I had to be extremely diligent and was consistently covering my tracks while “once again, earning my parents trust and repairing our relationship.” Because of course their actions were completely justified and I was the one in the wrong, per normal. Anyways, every day, I was editing search histories, erasing messages, and looking over my shoulder. Our church had a program on campus where Dean and I went to school, so being together in public was risky as my father’s friends and coworkers were always on campus and I knew I would be screwed if we were caught together. We had a couple of close calls over the months but it was all worth it because I hadn’t been that happy in years.
Now, to the day I left and why. You see, my parents' behavior towards Scott was becoming more aggressive and worse over time. They also had, in my opinion, a drinking problem. Considering they didn’t deny it when I called them out, they may agree. They would behave more hostile after several drinks and it was happening so consistently I was constantly walking on eggshells. Between the way they treated Scott, the way they treated me and the constant stress I was under trying to balance my life in fear of the repercussions, things became too much. When things weren’t going to shit, I was consistently expected to either babysit my brother and do chores while being a full time college student and working a part time job WHILE attending church multiple times a week and keeping up with my responsibilities as a senior. This is on top of the stress my parents' behavior caused, meanwhile James was expected to do almost nothing in comparison. Don’t get me wrong- he didn’t do anything, but he had almost no responsibilities outside of school and his extracurriculars which were exclusively funded by my parents. Yes he helped with dishes during the week and would keep his space tidy. But as my schedule became much more flexible due to my school schedule, my expectations around the house became much higher than his. Even though I paid 200 a month on gas, 50 a month for insurance and 50 a month for the phone bill, and he paid nothing for his car, insurance, phone, gas, nothing. So you would think he would be expected to help in the house more but no. Also, James’s behavior towards Scott mimicked my parents and so all babysitting responsibilities fell on me as they couldn’t be trusted alone together. I was rarely if ever paid for my cleaning or babysitting services as it was my responsibility as their eldest child. They would also consistently judge me for my weight, cloths, hair, hobbies, etc. Why did I think it was a good idea to get fast food? I clearly didn’t need it. They would “outfit check me” to make sure the outfits I wore were feminine enough because the way I look effected their reputation and I couldn’t be trusted. I was not allowed to cut my hair after their tantrum over it. As for my hobbies, I stopped playing sports in middle school as I am very short (currently 5 foot even) and was unable to keep up with my peers. However my interest in video games and cartoons wasn’t feminine enough and they proceeded to compare me to my best friend Grace because she was skinnier and liked more feminine things than I did which hurt a lot. Another thing for context, I have PCOS. It’s an endocrine disorder that heavily effects your metabolism and hormones, which in turn severely effected my weight, however my parents never acknowledged it and again made everything my fault. So from what I wore, what I ate, who I hung out with and what I enjoyed doing was constantly criticized, scrutinized and eventually controlled by my family for years. On top of everything else, I was done. I was 18, I had resaved the thousand I paid my family and knew I was at a place where I didn’t need them and was tired of being treated like shit. So I left.
The night I moved out was a total shit show. I had rallied Dean and my other friend, let’s call them Rita (18NB), and they helped me form a plan. When I returned home, Dean and Rita would be on their way. I would pack everything that belonged to me or I felt they would let me take, and prep the bags outside. After Rita arrived I went to try and explain to my parents that I would be leaving and explain calmly why. In a perfect world, we would have had a long deep talk, and things would have ended alright. That is far, far from what happened. They immediately starting screaming, and took my phone and car keys as both belonged to them, which I calmly handed over. Rita was there for emotional support, and put themselves between me and my parents as they got more angry and seemed to be turning aggressive. After that, my father called the police and claimed that there was an intruder in their home trying to take their child. Yeah. Complete bullshit- which to this day I’m surprised they were never charged with falsifying a 911 call. They screamed at Rita to get out of their home and was screaming that I was throwing away everything and I needed to reconsider. I ignored them and attempted to calmly walk out, and my parents attempted to barricade the doors while harassing Rita to leave. Because Rita is incredible and one of my closest friends now, they refused to leave without me which was very calming. While my parents were distracted yelling at them, I slipped out through the garage. My mother saw this and then grabbed me, attempting to drag me inside by my arm. Rita saw this and assisted me in getting her off me, and after doing so we continued to walk towards Dean’s car where he was waiting for us. He figured it would be best if my family didn’t see him for the time being as they would definitely lose their minds at seeing his face. My parents continued screaming and then the cops arrived. They were quite confused at first because they had been sent to deal with a potential kidnapping, only to see two grown adults throwing a tantrum because their adult child didn’t want to live with them anymore. That night was honestly so insane I could write three more pages about everything they said and did. The most notable events were first when my mother tried to explain to the police that because I was her child, she was allowed to put her hands on me, which they humorously informed her was not the case. The next was when James came home from theater rehearsal, to which my parents told them that I was abandoning our family. He was an emotional wreck through all of it, and to this day has told me that until I “fix” things with our parents he is not okay with having any form of relationship with me. Throughout all of this Scott was in his room, and I was allowed to give him one last hug before leaving. The final and most notable thing, was as the cops allowed my boyfriend, Rita and I to leave, my father threatened violence towards my boyfriend and accused him of "taking advantage of his underage daughter," which is just ridiculous as we are practically the same age, and anything we had done together was consensual and reserved for after I turned 18. Another thing my parents did was go through each bag I had packed and took everything they felt belonged to them, including the laptop provided to me by my high school, which they hilariously were made to give back to me several days later as it was not theirs and they had no right to take it. They tried claiming they were giving it to me out of the kindness of their hearts, but that bullshit meant nothing as after I informed the school of their behavior, the school assured me they would be made to give it back. Another thing they threatened to do as I left was pull me out of high school, which I was assured by the police they were not capable of doing as I was 18. The police were for the most part annoyed with my parents, tired of their bs and told me I seemed to be a capable young woman and wished me the best of luck. My parents had tried to ask the police to say I was mentally unstable for the time being so I wouldn’t be allowed to leave, as their “she’s still in high school” excuse didn’t do anything. You see, as my father is an influential church figure and had friends in the police force, he thought they would be on his side but was sorely mistaken as the chief told him they wouldn’t be doing him any favors. And with that, I was free.
My boyfriend's family has been nothing but unconditionally kind and supportive and have accepted me as part of their family which has been a huge blessing in all of this. I am in contact with my father’s sister and his father, my aunt and grandpa, and as I have expressed my unhappiness at home, they are supportive of me as well. However, as my aunt lives further away and my grandpa is not in the best place to have me live with him, I have been with my boyfriend's family since I left home in October. I have a lot more I could say but I already feel like there are way too many parts here and so for now I’ll leave it at this. So yeah, AITA for moving out after I was treated like shit for years while witnessing the mistreatment of my sibling?

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A knock came at the door while Saphira was washing her hands in the basin.
“One moment!” she cried as she dried her hands on a nearby towel. She brushed her palms against her apron and made for the front door. Two familiar faces greeted her on the other side. “Espada! Goose! Come on in!”
Espada offered a curt nod and procured a bottle of dark wine from behind her back. “I know you’re avoiding the stuff, but Goose and I want to have a couple of glasses if you don’t mind.”
Saphira shook her head. “Not at all!”
“Thank you, thank you,” Goose sang as she skipped into Saphira’s home.
Saphira shut the door once they were all inside, then briskly returned to the kitchen, where two pots of stew cooked over her stove. She grabbed a mitten and cupped it over the knob beneath the pot, and pulled open the door. The fire was still going strong, so she nodded and shut it before setting the mitten back to the side.
“It smells delicious,” Espada said, taking a seat on the sofa.
“Thank you. It’s an old recipe of my grandmother’s. I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure it’s amazing.”
Saphira swung open a cabinet above her and plucked two glasses from within, holding them upside down with one hand. Years spent farming meant she had practiced hands, and she took great pride in her ability to accommodate friends and family. Grabbing a wine opener from a nearby drawer, thoughts of the last time she’d shared a glass with Matt pricked her tail. She strolled over to where Espada and Goose were sitting, cheerily humming as she gestured for the bottle of wine in Espada’s hand.
“It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve been here,” Espada commented, surrendering the bottle. “Keepin’ busy?”
“Every day is busy,” Saphira giggled as she set the glasses down. “Not that I mind it. I have excellent company.” She gestured to the crib against the back wall that Espada and Goose had built. Marie was happily playing with a few blocks that Goose had as a kitten. It baffled Saphira that Marie could already walk. Not that Marie could walk well just yet, but the fact that she’d picked it up so quickly and easily had Saphira wondering if she’d learned anything that early. “What about you?”
“Things are quiet lately, what with Matt and his Party gone. Demand for weapons and armor is low without ‘em. So I’ve been working the irrigation and home repairs lately.” Espada shrugged.
“Where’s Tabitha?” Saphira asked. Tabitha was a rambunctious woman, obsessed with dirt and everything beneath it. She had her heart set on being the one responsible for Junonia’s irrigation, and she worked as the village’s carpenter in her off time.
“We’re not sure, but she did mention checking out the other towns on Ni Island. Maybe she just got tired of this place.” Goose shrugged.
“It feels strange to take up her post,” Espada continued. “Not exactly my field of expertise. But it’s a living, and it’s oddly satisfying work. Besides, Goose is makin’ sure I don’t lose my touch.”
Saphira uncorked the bottle and set the opener to the side, blinking. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re looking at a [Fighter],” Goose said with a toothy grin. “Been hearing all about Matt and his Party from Espada and the other girls, so I thought I’d make my own waves out there.” She emphasized the point by imitating an ocean’s current with her hands.
Saphira smiled. Ni Island wasn’t known for its plethora of adventurers. Most of them ended up calling it quits before Second Class—choosing quieter lives in tending to children, farming, cooking, or living off the land. She couldn’t think of the last time she heard of someone leaving Junonia. Well, except for Matt and his group. “Are you thinking of exploring outside the island?”
Goose shook her head. “Not yet. I’m thinking of hunting some small-time Encroachers for a few Bells. Espada’s been helping me.” She nudged Espada playfully.
Espada chuckled. “She has a good sword arm, so I’ve been teaching her in my off time.”
“Espada, you’re the best I’ve ever seen! You must’ve trained on Nyarlothep,” Goose said.
“Something like that.” Espada had always been tight-lipped about where she came from before she settled on Ni Island. Whenever she was asked, she’d shake her head and change the subject. If anyone pushed too hard, then she’d suggest they go on their way.
Saphira didn’t mind it so much, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious. Still, it wasn’t her place. She offered her own change of topic as she began to fill Espada and Goose’s glasses. “That’s so exciting, Goose!”
“It feels so good to train and Level. Don’t you think, Saphira?” Goose asked, leaning forward with eager eyes. She watched Saphira pour the wine, gripping the glass’ neck using her first two fingers and her thumb.
Saphira could hardly remember how long she’d dabbled in her Class after her choosing. Every catgirl selected a Class when they came of age, but it was a distant memory to her now. “A-ah… I admittedly don’t remember much.” She giggled and poured Espada’s drink next. “I know that I selected [Scout], though.”
“Huh. I would’ve figured you for a [Chemist] or a [Mage],” Goose said.
“I’d heard from Keke that [Scout]s were good at finding Encroacher parts, so I figured that I might become a leatherworker at some point,” Saphira said. She shook her head. “I’m not one for combat, though. I only ever reached Level 2.”
Goose nodded as she swirled her glass. “That’s our Saphira. Pure to the core.”
Saphira flushed and curled a lock of her hair around her finger. “Hardly.”
“You could charm the evil out of the Defiled,” Espada laughed before draining nearly half her glass.
Saphira wondered if Espada knew that wine was a bit different than ale. “That’s kind of you to say.” She could feel her cheeks growing hotter by the second. “I’m going to finish up dinner.”
By the time the food was ready to be served, Espada and Goose were laughing up a storm. Saphira set three hearty plates on the table, then strolled over to her daughter’s crib. Marie cooed and reached for Saphira’s finger, gripping it tight so as not to fall over.
“You’re so smart!” Saphira said in a high-pitched timbre. “It’s time for dinner!” She reached down and picked Marie up, cradling her in her arms as she approached the table in the living room. It was perfect for the occasion. She’d tried to share dinner with her daughter at the dinner table, but it had proven difficult with its height.
“Thank you for the meal,” Espada said with a nod. She’d finished her wine before dinner and didn’t seem any worse for wear. The same amount would’ve seen Saphira sleeping on the floor within minutes.
“Yeah, thanks!” Goose said.
“You’re welcome,” Saphira smiled as she took a seat across from Espada and Goose. Bouncing Marie on her knee, she plucked a fork from the table, skewered the steamed meozuna greens, and hovered the vegetable over Marie’s head. “Oh, look what I got you!” The kitten batted the air for her mother’s food, grabbing hold of Saphira’s wrist after the third attempt. Marie guided the fork to her mouth, nibbling on the soft veggie, and her tiny ears perked straight up. “Oh, what a good girl! Mommy’s little kitten is so smart!”
Goose and Espada watched with smiles on their faces as they picked at their food. Saphira continued to spoon and fork her food, sharing every other bite with Marie. To her relief, Marie was not a picky eater—Saphira’s mother had always liked to tease her about how fussy she was as a kitten.
“I can’t believe how fast she’s growing,” Goose commented while she wiped at her mouth with a handkerchief.
“I know, isn’t she beautiful?” Saphira glowed. “I love her with all of my heart and soul.” She and Marie touched foreheads, eliciting an excited coo from the kitten.
“It’s still so weird to me that Matt left,” Goose continued. “He’s such a…unique man.”
That was the perfect word for Matt. Saphira had never heard of a man traveling the other islands so quickly, nor had she ever heard of one working with the neighboring islands. It wasn’t unheard of, but she pined for Matt’s smile, his laugh, and his embrace. His presence brought so much hope and life to Junonia, and his absence was sorely felt.
Every day spent without him was another day Saphira spent worrying for his safety. As strong as he was, she feared that his kindness and consideration could bring him harm.
I hope you’re okay, Matt.
Espada snorted. “I can think of a few other words for him.”
Saphira guided another spoonful of potatoes into Marie’s mouth. “What do you mean?”
“We got off to a rough start.” She pushed her empty plate forward and leaned back against the sofa. “I was already pis—” She hesitated, glanced at Marie, then coughed into her fist. “I was in a bad mood that day. So I told him off when he tried to barter.”
Saphira gasped. “Espada!”
In a rare moment, Espada looked uncomfortable. “I work hard on my craft, and I wasn’t about to let him take advantage of me just because he was a man.”
“But they’re here to protect us.”
“I get that,” Espada said, her tone lowering, “I’ve just seen others who flaunt their influence, and I’m not okay with that.”
“I hope you apologized later.”
Espada blinked. “Sure. Yeah, I did.”
Saphira wasn’t quite sure if Espada was telling the truth, but she decided not to pry. “Well, it sounds like you’re on good terms now, then.”
Espada shrugged. “I think so. I gave him a few pointers when I had time.”
“You mean when it was convenient,” Goose jabbed Espada between the ribs playfully. “I know what those words really mean.”
Espada shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Sure you do.”
Marie grabbed one of Saphira’s bangs and pulled her closer. “Aauuooo?”
“Sweetie, you’re hurting Mommy,” Saphira said as she unhooked her daughter’s hand from her hair. She giggled and used her free hand to fix her hair. “You know, I’ve always wondered, Espada.”
“Hm?”
“What brought you to Ni Island? You know so much about weapons and armor, and you learn things so much faster than I would.” She tilted her head inquisitively. “Where did you learn?”
Espada didn’t answer immediately. “I used to work in Nyarlothep as a smith.”
“I knew it!” Goose cried.
A warning glance escaped the corner of Espada’s eyes. Goose quieted, and she continued, “I got tired of my work there and decided to come here instead.”
“A fresh start?”
“You could say that,” she said quickly. Her tone was flat and snappy. “I guess I just got tired of the politics and making weapons and armor for those who didn’t deserve them.”
“Well, I’m glad you decided to come to Ni Island,” Saphira smiled. This was a sensitive topic for Espada, that much she could tell. It was time to let the matter drop. What did it matter, anyway? “It wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Espada’s easy smile returned. “Thanks.”
The room was warm and comforting. As the conversation continued, Saphira eventually let Marie walk around under the condition that Goose sat on the floor with her. It was much easier to keep an eye on a curious kitten with multiple people. The three of them played with Marie, and when it was her bedtime, Saphira placed her daughter back in her crib and kissed her forehead.
“Thank you again for dinner,” Espada said. “It’s been a while since I had such a nice home-cooked meal.”
“You’re so welcome!” Saphira clapped her hands together. “We should do this again sometime.”
“I agree! Maybe next time I’ll bring the meat,” Goose said. “Fresh kill and all that.”
“As long as I don’t have to, well, prepare it.” Saphira swallowed hard. She couldn’t imagine being the one responsible for skinning and bisecting an Encroacher for food. She always left that to the butchers.
“Don’t worry. I could never ask you to do that.”
“Then it’s a plan!”
Espada and Goose waved their farewells, and Saphira shut the door behind them, leaning against its surface when they were gone. The room was quiet now, with only the crackling of the hearth and her daughter’s snores to keep her company. For a few moments, she couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face. She had the family she always dreamed of. Marie was every bit the blessing from Saoirse she imagined.
But the longer she stared, the longer she listened, the more empty the room started to feel. Her hands clenched into fists behind her, and her longing for Marie’s father heightened.
I wish you could see your daughter right now, Matt.
Espada Pro Tip: It was good to see you, Saphira. Don't be a stranger, okay? Let me know if your tools need maintenance.
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I, (18F) moved in with my boyfriend (19M) a couple of months after I turned 18, and my parents were furious and hurt. There’s a lot to unpack with this one, so bear with me.
My parents (40F and 42M) are very religious and were somewhat strict while I was growing up. I have two younger brothers, one 17 and one 8 (this will be important later). For context, my father is a pastor at a local church and my parent’s religious beliefs are the reasoning behind most if not all of their actions. Growing up, I was never a stereotypical girl. I didn’t have many female friends and was usually not accepted in groups with guys as I was a girl and we were kids. I was extroverted as a child but due to being repeatedly rejected by kids my age, I became more introverted. I was a major nerd who loved superheroes and I wanted to play sports. Again, for context, the town I grew up in was very conservative and my parents are very conservative themselves. Girls liked girl things- even if they claimed that’s not how they felt, it’s how they acted. However, as a kid, I did not realize this. I played soccer and basketball growing up, regardless of how “weird” it made me because I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. I was probably around 9 or 10 at this point. It was around this time my parents started having issues with my hobbies. I remember my parents trying to convince me to be a cheerleader because I would “like it more,” but I insisted on playing basketball. (This basketball/cheer program was through our church by the way). Because I was still young, they let it slide, but to this day I remember them being annoyed with it. This is also around the time dieting was introduced to me as well as calorie counting. I have always struggled with my weight and so has my mother, so they were very adamant on making sure I was being “healthy.” I didn’t understand it, but as a child, the only thing I was worried about was making my parents happy. A lot of discipline I received revolved around emotion. What I was doing was right or wrong and if I did something wrong, I felt terrible and awful and would often come crying to my parents about the mistakes I made, fearful of their disappointment and anger if they found things out themselves. They also made everything a moral dilemma- everything was about God and religion and as a kid, it really messed with my head. I would blame myself for everything that went wrong, seeing it as God’s punishment for my behavior. When I was 9, I went so far as to blame my grandmother’s death on myself because I was hanging out with boys instead of girls. This made me to be more of an introvert and my now anxiety disorder is much much worse.
About a year later, my parents sat down with me and my brother and told us they wanted to adopt. At first, I was very excited. I loved the idea of having another brother or sister. And I wouldn’t trade my 8 year old brother (let’s call him Scott) for anything, but adopting kids is part of what triggered a huge change in my parent’s behavior. Also- I had started getting older. I loved playing video games, watching cartoons and writing. However, these weren’t the things they wanted me to like I guess, because I started to feel their judgment become more clear and apparent as I got older. Now, I assume this is because as a kid, I just did what I was told, or my oddities were assumed to fade over time, but that is not the case anymore. Anyways, entering middle school, our family fostered a little girl, let’s call her Ally. A young woman in our church had told us that Ally’s family was out of the picture, and as her aunt, she couldn’t take her in as she was already a single mom and planned on adopting her brother, but couldn’t handle all three alone. So my family stepped in- however, we had come to find that her father was still in the picture and was actively fighting for custody. And Ally was a bit of a handful. My parents have admitted that they expected to swoop in, save a child from a hard life and be the heroes, and when things were harder than that they were very upset. Ally was about three- she remembered her mom (who was in jail i believe), her sisters, her grandma and grandpa, as well as her dad. She didn’t want our family, she wanted hers. She didn’t listen to my parents and rejected their parenting. This is what started to make my parents snap. I understand it was hard for them, but now that I’m older, I get it. She was a little girl who wanted her family. But they took her rejection very seriously and were constantly unhappy with her and made sure she knew it. Children not listening immediately was newer to them as my brother and I both did pretty much whatever they asked, and they did not take well to being told “no” by a child. 8 months after living with Ally, she was taken in by her grandparents to live with them and her sisters. The next day, my parents took my brother and I on a small trip. I’m not sure if it was to cheer us up or to celebrate. I was quite sad though- I had started to really care about Ally and had convinced myself that “God would take care of things” and I would have a sister. But I was angry- God took someone away from me and I was doing everything right. Why was he punishing me? Nothing made sense. Yet, only a year later, my parents were considering taking in another child. I wanted nothing to do with it- God had already taken one sibling away from me. I couldn’t do it again. In the end, I agreed and soon became attached to this little boy, who was two when we met him. This was Scott. I immediately became attached- and I love this kid more than I can describe- he’s my little brother and I would do anything for him.
This is where things start to go further downhill. Scott has a lot of trauma and mental issues, one of those issues being oppositional defiant disorder. That basically means that listening to any form of authority is near impossible for him, and causes him to lash out and act younger than he is. This is probably due to a number of reasons, as he was severely neglected and abused as an infant and his birth mother was on several different substances while pregnant with him, to the point where he was born high on several illegal drugs. He was left in a car seat for most of his infant life, so the back of his head is slightly flattened due to this. My parents are very obedient/disciplined-based parents, so his behavior rocked their world. In my opinion, the way they handled things with Scott was borderline abusive. There were several occasions where he would say he hated them (as young children do when they're mad) and they would flip. Telling him that if he didn’t want them that was fine. They didn’t need him. He could run back to his other parents, but his mom was in jail and his dad didn’t want him, so good luck with that. If we were in the car when this happened, they would threaten to leave him on the side of the road and good luck finding his way home. Once my mother literally pulled to the side of the road, placed him outside the car and started driving so he would “think they would leave him if his actions didn’t change,” but she turned around to get him. Because they would “never actually abandon or hurt him,” their actions were justified and perfectly fine. They would tell him he was acting like a baby when he started to cry and scream. “Little baby Scott, do you need a diaper?” Is how they would tease him when he became older, which just made his tantrums worse. They would tell him how disappointed they were with him and that he should be ashamed of himself and the way he acted because they gave him everything. They would call him, to his face, “an ungrateful manipulative piece of shit.” Because according to my parents, he could control his actions 100% and was choosing to act out to make their lives difficult. While I understand that this was hard for them, in my opinion, this in no way excuses their behavior. One time, Scott was crying and was upset (who knows why, but the kid had a lot of trauma and mental issues so it didn’t bother me too much), and my mother picked him up and put him in his room. She told him that every time he tried to leave his room, she would take away one of his stuffed animals. (He had several that he loved very much). Because this sounded so terrible to him, he ran after her trying to say it wasn’t fair. So she went into his room and took a stuffed animal. This cycle continued while he cried and begged for her to stop, because he just didn’t get it that she was going to keep doing this over and over and his trying to convince her was making it worse. Eventually, there were none left, and she told him if he didn’t stop crying she was going to throw them all away. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I do know that several of them were thrown away, if not at that time than others. There are many other instances of things like this and worse occurring, but we’d be here for a while if I tried to recount them all. Moving forwards to closer when I was moving out-
Now, several years later, when I turned sixteen, I had come to terms with the fact that I was bisexual. This went against everything my family was for, and I knew exactly how they viewed queer people. So, I started learning about different branches of Christianity and felt like I knew a God who loved me as I was and was happy in my decision to switch denominations. (My parents were baptists, and I wanted to be non-denominational). A few months after this, I decided to tell my parents the truth. I had done my best to give them hints, but I wanted to be honest with them because I trusted that they would love me and be there for me no matter what. When I told them I wanted to talk to them about something, they pushed and pressed and I had been trying to wait to talk to them until the next day. I had been seeing my high school counselor, and she suggested giving them a heads-up before springing that conversation up on them. However, after telling them to wait, they went through my phone and saw that I had researched different denominations and read different sermons on queer-accepting faith. They were livid. To be clear- I had a friend over while this was happening. We were watching a movie and joking about how I lost my phone and couldn’t show them this picture I wanted to. Then, I was called upstairs. I had apparently betrayed my parents and, “how could I do this to them, when I had someone over?” My father demanded I send my friend home, but my mother convinced him for one more hour. I was told not to tell my friend anything they had said and to act like things were fine, but I couldn’t. I went back downstairs where we were hanging out and started sobbing. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. Everything was over- and the people I thought would love me no matter what made me so afraid and sad, I was completely broken. My friend did their best to comfort me and even felt weary to leave me alone with my family but I told them I’d be okay, and asked that they update our friends about the situation. That night was hellish. So many conversations, them trying to understand what I felt, but not taking me particularly seriously either. That night turned into weeks of books, slideshows, conversations, and prayers. It felt like at-home conversion therapy. Eventually, I was given a choice “put my convictional flag in the ground or loose their trust.” As the petrified 16 year old, I chose to lie. I put my “flag” in the ground and did my best to, “earn back their trust” and repair their reputation that I had tarnished. The next couple months were a blur. I felt so terrible about myself. I didn’t know what I thought or believed and I became extremely hyper anxious and depressed. I had lost all sense of privacy and I did trust my parents further than I could toss them. My 17 year old brother (he was 14 at the time, let’s call him James) was 100% on board with my parents. My life felt like a living nightmare. My parents had it so that all my texts sent or received from my phone would go directly to theirs, so I couldn’t even confide in my friends without getting into trouble (which had happened and was how I found out that they did that because I deleted the texts immediately after sending/receiving things).. Everything felt like it was about me and how I needed to earn back their trust and how I was a terrible betrayer who they were not proud of in the slightest. I had gone to get a pixie cut (with their approval) and after they told me I was disgusting and repulsive and would never find a man to love me. I was heartbroken and felt so alone and unloved in my house, while I had to watch my younger brother be treated the way he was by my parents.
Luckily, I had a lot of friends and our school counselor who had been there for me through everything. They showered me with support and love and made sure I had a safe space to exist and truthfully I think they’re the only reason I didn’t do anything drastic and am still here today. It was hard though because James went to the same school as me and would tell my parents if I was with anyone he knew was queer or queer accepting. This caused me to be very very paranoid about who I was with, when, where, etc. Constantly covering my tracks, having an excuse set up and ready to bolt if I saw anyone I knew. What made things equally hard is that the church my father works at is quite big in our area. So if someone from our church or someone who knew my family saw me with anyone they labeled as “queer” or “gay,” they would tell my family as well. For the most part, I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I was constantly alert and on guard, even when I was asleep as my parents had woken me up before to confront me about someone I was friends with at school.
Fortunately for me, despite everything being such a mess, I am quite academically smart. I got a job the second I turned sixteen as I had heard the horror stories of queer kids being kicked out and wanted to be prepared. I had been saving money, taking college classes (we have a state program that pays for the classes while you’re in high school), and putting on a show for my family for quite some time. After saving some money, I paid my parents for an older car that they had paid off ten or so years ago. After my brother turned 16, he claimed it was too hard to share a car with me, so while I was away visiting a friend they bought him a car and told us that they expected each of us to pay them one thousand dollars before we graduated high school and that when we did so, they would sign over our respective cars to us. To be clear, I contributed to insurance and paid for my own gas, as well as contributing to my phone bill and money for food. Meanwhile, my brother had no job, and was constantly asking my parents for money to go out with friends. He had also taken up golfing, which as most people know is extremely expensive, and my parents funded everything. James had actually admitted to asking for more money than he needed and save the leftovers for whatever he wanted. I was also expected to chauffeur him to golf events and to get togethers with his friends, and my parents would in return give me some gas money. Another thing to note is that the only reason I was contributing to our phone bill is because James wanted unlimited data and my father said it was unreasonable unless we both contributed financially. I refused as I was trying to save money (as I would have with the car situation), however things per normal went James’s way. However, because he did not have a job, he was not expected to pay anything and would not be charged for the months and years that he did not contribute to. I did my best not to let these things get to me and to keep a level head. I paid my parents for the car because I already had over two thousand dollars saved as a seventeen year old high school student due to my hard work.
I focused on my classes and joined theater to help fill the hours in between school and work. I was much more active my sophomore year but when James also decided to join theater I retreated a bit as my once safe space to freely exist was no longer safe. I joined the stage crew but honestly that was also very enjoyable and lethargic for me and I enjoyed it a lot. Anyways, I was mostly a straight A student besides the stray Bs and one or two Cs (psychology and AP government screwed me over) and was working 15 or so hours a week. This is on top of my commitments to the church which were most of my Sundays and my Wednesday evenings. The funny thing is though- James missed more church than I ever did yet because my absence was because of work and not golf, I was the one consistently reprimanded for my lack of attendance and socialization whilst I was there. Yet because James could never do anything wrong and was a very extroverted person his lack of attendance wasn’t as serious as my own. I had one close friend through our church, let’s call her Grace (now 18F) and she actually knew about everything and was very supportive of me. I also had some other friends who really only showed up to church so I didn’t have to go through the torture alone which I don’t know if I could ever repay them for. Besides the people I was comfortable with though, I was pretty much a loner there and this heavily displeased my parents as it made them look bad and messed with their reputation. I never realized how much appearances meant to them until all of the shit that happened took place. As I mentioned before, our church is very conservative and traditional, and many sermons and lessons revolved around gender roles and the sinfulness of the world in terms fo the LGBTQ community. I consistently felt targeted because of my looks and my personality and stopped feeling comfortable there a very long time ago.
Now that more context is in place, fast forward to the end of my junior year. I had at this point finished all my high school requirements for graduation and was given an incredible opportunity to go to our local college full time for my senior year. I was very excited and happy because not only did it give me more freedom but it also meant I would get more than a year of my college education paid for by the state.
It was also around this time when I met my now boyfriend, let’s call him Dean. We were coworkers and had begun to get to know each other. We had a lot in common and while were different people personality wise, we enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit. By some miracle, I convinced my parents to allow me to hang out with him outside of work by claiming he was just a friend and saying that he was a Christian (which is by no means true). They were extremely skeptical but allowed us to hang out. We had an incredible time- and by the end of our first date he asked me to be his girlfriend which I happily accepted. I was so happy, but when I got home, things spiraled out of control. I told my parents about our time, and they were extremely unhappy as they felt fooled (which they were to be fair) and told me I was not allowed to see him ever again. I was devastated and they said a lot of very uncalled for things and but I understand why they were angry. To be clear, they knew I had a romantic interest in Dean and that this hangout was to see if we would be compatible partners and get to know each other better. They did not call it a date though because they weren’t comfortable with it, even if it was a date and they kinda knew it. So while they were on some level “fooled,” I feel that their anger and harshness wasn’t called for as they knew the intentions of our hanging out. The next morning my father demanded to see my phone. This is when I started to panic. You see, they had stop tracking my texts and I had openly flirted with Dean over text. Nothing that explicit and no photos of any kind. But the flirting would be enough for them to tear my world apart and I knew it. They had gone through my personal conversations before and made me feel terrible because of it and I refused to let them do it again. So I deleted everything. The entire conversation chain, I removed it from my phone 100%. My parents absolutely lost their shit. They had been manipulating and gaslighting me for years, doing anything and everything to keep their control and with my actions I showed them they couldn’t control me forever and things went very downhill. I lost all my privacy and was once again told how I had betrayed them and I was terrible and couldn’t be trusted. Again- I partially understand their anger here because I had directly disobeyed a command. But at the same time, I feel as a young woman I should be allowed some sense of privacy and the ability to talk to people without being constantly monitored. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and would happily do it again in a heartbeat if it meant I’d be where I am today. Regardless of this, my life became a living hell once again, and my parents compared this to when I came out, “which was maybe the worst night of their lives.” They stripped me of all my privileges even if I didn’t have many to begin with. They made me feel absolutely miserable and awful about myself and I was monitored like never before. I would be working and receive texts upon texts of how I was so terrible and how could I do this to them because they had done everything for me and I’m a terrible daughter who should be ashamed of myself for the deceit and malicious nature of my actions. Again- this was because they could not read the messages between me and my now boyfriend. I understand them being mad but they took it to a completely inappropriate level. I shared everything happening with my friends and counselor and they supported me and assured me I did nothing wrong and they would be there for me which helped but as my home was now a living hellscape it was hard to hear it. I found a way to tell Dean about things and at first he felt guilty but I assured him that their actions were not his fault but theirs. He then asked me if I wanted to pause our relationship but I told him honestly that they had taken so many things I cared about over the years and I refused to let them take this. I did tell him however I understood if he didn’t want to put up with all the complicatedness of my family but he told me he cared for me and would be there so long as I was okay with it. He also told me if things ever got really bad at home, regardless of the fact we had just started dating, he had spoken to his family and they offered me a place to stay if I needed/wanted it. This really touched me, but I reassured him that it was not his job to offer that, but I appreciated the offer.
This begins our relationship and we were very happy. We had found a way to communicate over email, and we were able to hide our relationship with my family. Luckily for me, over the years I had made a habit of hanging out at the park by myself so it was not strange for me to head to the park for a couple of hours. There, I would leave my car and phone (my phone had a tracker on it) and Dean and I would hangout multiple times a week and it was heaven. At this point, we’ve only been dating for a year but I can admit without any doubt that I am in love with this man and he is in love with me. During the school year, it became easier for us to hang out in between classes as we both went to the same college (I am older for my year in school and he is younger, so he was a sophomore in college while I was a senior in high school. However, we are barely a year apart in age for anyone who is concerned). However, in order for us to communicate and hang out, I had to be extremely diligent and was consistently covering my tracks while “once again, earning my parents trust and repairing our relationship.” Because of course their actions were completely justified and I was the one in the wrong, per normal. Anyways, every day, I was editing search histories, erasing messages, and looking over my shoulder. Our church had a program on campus where Dean and I went to school, so being together in public was risky as my father’s friends and coworkers were always on campus and I knew I would be screwed if we were caught together. We had a couple of close calls over the months but it was all worth it because I hadn’t been that happy in years.
Now, to the day I left and why. You see, my parents' behavior towards Scott was becoming more aggressive and worse over time. They also had, in my opinion, a drinking problem. Considering they didn’t deny it when I called them out, they may agree. They would behave more hostile after several drinks and it was happening so consistently I was constantly walking on eggshells. Between the way they treated Scott, the way they treated me and the constant stress I was under trying to balance my life in fear of the repercussions, things became too much. When things weren’t going to shit, I was consistently expected to either babysit my brother and do chores while being a full time college student and working a part time job WHILE attending church multiple times a week and keeping up with my responsibilities as a senior. This is on top of the stress my parents' behavior caused, meanwhile James was expected to do almost nothing in comparison. Don’t get me wrong- he didn’t do anything, but he had almost no responsibilities outside of school and his extracurriculars which were exclusively funded by my parents. Yes he helped with dishes during the week and would keep his space tidy. But as my schedule became much more flexible due to my school schedule, my expectations around the house became much higher than his. Even though I paid 200 a month on gas, 50 a month for insurance and 50 a month for the phone bill, and he paid nothing for his car, insurance, phone, gas, nothing. So you would think he would be expected to help in the house more but no. Also, James’s behavior towards Scott mimicked my parents and so all babysitting responsibilities fell on me as they couldn’t be trusted alone together. I was rarely if ever paid for my cleaning or babysitting services as it was my responsibility as their eldest child. They would also consistently judge me for my weight, cloths, hair, hobbies, etc. Why did I think it was a good idea to get fast food? I clearly didn’t need it. They would “outfit check me” to make sure the outfits I wore were feminine enough because the way I look effected their reputation and I couldn’t be trusted. I was not allowed to cut my hair after their tantrum over it. As for my hobbies, I stopped playing sports in middle school as I am very short (currently 5 foot even) and was unable to keep up with my peers. However my interest in video games and cartoons wasn’t feminine enough and they proceeded to compare me to my best friend Grace because she was skinnier and liked more feminine things than I did which hurt a lot. Another thing for context, I have PCOS. It’s an endocrine disorder that heavily effects your metabolism and hormones, which in turn severely effected my weight, however my parents never acknowledged it and again made everything my fault. So from what I wore, what I ate, who I hung out with and what I enjoyed doing was constantly criticized, scrutinized and eventually controlled by my family for years. On top of everything else, I was done. I was 18, I had resaved the thousand I paid my family and knew I was at a place where I didn’t need them and was tired of being treated like shit. So I left.
The night I moved out was a total shit show. I had rallied Dean and my other friend, let’s call them Rita (18NB), and they helped me form a plan. When I returned home, Dean and Rita would be on their way. I would pack everything that belonged to me or I felt they would let me take, and prep the bags outside. After Rita arrived I went to try and explain to my parents that I would be leaving and explain calmly why. In a perfect world, we would have had a long deep talk, and things would have ended alright. That is far, far from what happened. They immediately starting screaming, and took my phone and car keys as both belonged to them, which I calmly handed over. Rita was there for emotional support, and put themselves between me and my parents as they got more angry and seemed to be turning aggressive. After that, my father called the police and claimed that there was an intruder in their home trying to take their child. Yeah. Complete bullshit- which to this day I’m surprised they were never charged with falsifying a 911 call. They screamed at Rita to get out of their home and was screaming that I was throwing away everything and I needed to reconsider. I ignored them and attempted to calmly walk out, and my parents attempted to barricade the doors while harassing Rita to leave. Because Rita is incredible and one of my closest friends now, they refused to leave without me which was very calming. While my parents were distracted yelling at them, I slipped out through the garage. My mother saw this and then grabbed me, attempting to drag me inside by my arm. Rita saw this and assisted me in getting her off me, and after doing so we continued to walk towards Dean’s car where he was waiting for us. He figured it would be best if my family didn’t see him for the time being as they would definitely lose their minds at seeing his face. My parents continued screaming and then the cops arrived. They were quite confused at first because they had been sent to deal with a potential kidnapping, only to see two grown adults throwing a tantrum because their adult child didn’t want to live with them anymore. That night was honestly so insane I could write three more pages about everything they said and did. The most notable events were first when my mother tried to explain to the police that because I was her child, she was allowed to put her hands on me, which they humorously informed her was not the case. The next was when James came home from theater rehearsal, to which my parents told them that I was abandoning our family. He was an emotional wreck through all of it, and to this day has told me that until I “fix” things with our parents he is not okay with having any form of relationship with me. Throughout all of this Scott was in his room, and I was allowed to give him one last hug before leaving. The final and most notable thing, was as the cops allowed my boyfriend, Rita and I to leave, my father threatened violence towards my boyfriend and accused him of "taking advantage of his underage daughter," which is just ridiculous as we are practically the same age, and anything we had done together was consensual and reserved for after I turned 18. Another thing my parents did was go through each bag I had packed and took everything they felt belonged to them, including the laptop provided to me by my high school, which they hilariously were made to give back to me several days later as it was not theirs and they had no right to take it. They tried claiming they were giving it to me out of the kindness of their hearts, but that bullshit meant nothing as after I informed the school of their behavior, the school assured me they would be made to give it back. Another thing they threatened to do as I left was pull me out of high school, which I was assured by the police they were not capable of doing as I was 18. The police were for the most part annoyed with my parents, tired of their bs and told me I seemed to be a capable young woman and wished me the best of luck. My parents had tried to ask the police to say I was mentally unstable for the time being so I wouldn’t be allowed to leave, as their “she’s still in high school” excuse didn’t do anything. You see, as my father is an influential church figure and had friends in the police force, he thought they would be on his side but was sorely mistaken as the chief told him they wouldn’t be doing him any favors. And with that, I was free.
My boyfriend's family has been nothing but unconditionally kind and supportive and have accepted me as part of their family which has been a huge blessing in all of this. I am in contact with my father’s sister and his father, my aunt and grandpa, and as I have expressed my unhappiness at home, they are supportive of me as well. However, as my aunt lives further away and my grandpa is not in the best place to have me live with him, I have been with my boyfriend's family since I left home in October. I have a lot more I could say but I already feel like there are way too many parts here and so for now I’ll leave it at this. So yeah, AITA for moving out after I was treated like shit for years while witnessing the mistreatment of my sibling?

So, me (19y/o F), and my best friend, 'E' (19y/o F), met during the first semester of school this year through our sorority. She was my big and I was her little, and we connected instantly and because close friends fast. We literally spent every waking moment together, and I even brought her home with me on some weekends from campus so she got to know my family and became a part of it quickly. Eventually I turned into the same for her family, and it even got to a point where people started asking if we were dating because we we're always together plus, I'm bi and 'E' is pan. Though we've kissed, (among other things) and did consider starting a romantic relationship, we both have a lot of issues when it comes to juggling life so we just decided to stay friends.
Anyways, so one time in November, Me, E, my sister, and my mom all went out to lunch near our campus. It was going great and we we're all having a good time, and the group arrives at the conversation of where E is from. Her family lives in Barbados, and she was explaining how she's had a few friends fly with her family from the states to her home when the school year ends, and they stay at their house for a week or so at the beginning of the summer.
I automatically jump at the opportunity and start trying to convince my mom to let me go. I mean, who wouldn't want to go on a vacation to a TROPICAL ISLAND with your BEST FRIENDS for an entire WEEK in a new country where I'm LEGAL DRINKING AGE??? It would literally be a DREAM come true.
**side note and background**
I've only been on ONE trip with friends without at least one of my parents, and it was last summer before I moved to college in Charleston, SC (we live in GA). Me and 4 of my friends paid for an AirBnB out of pocket, and left the next day for a week. It was great! I didn't tell my mom where I was going until the night before, and she couldn't stop me because I had already paid for it and my friend was driving us. She argued a little but didn't say much else because she "trusted the group I was going with.". She literally only knew one person in the group who was a close friend of mine for 4 years and is a Marine.
*back to the story*
I try to sneakily start talking my mom into even considering the idea because I know she won't go for it at first; she's one of those helicopter moms that has to know every teensy-weensy detail of her kids' plans and daily lives, though since I moved out, she can't keep hovering. I don't even get through my first line of begging before she flat out looks at me and E and says. "Yeah, I think we can make that happen."
Me and my sister stare at her like she's grown another f*cking HEAD and E jumps up and down excitedly. I questioned her multiple times on this, saying like,
"Seriously? You're not messing with me right now?",
and, "You're sure? Like 100% you'll let me go? No strings attached if I can pay for it?".
She even goes so far as to PROMISE to PAY FOR IT IN FULL as a birthday present if I don't ask for anything else.
I literally was on the verge of tears because I was having a really rough semester and ready to be done with school already, and this gave me something to look forward to at the end of the year.
Over the next couple of months we continued planning this trip to a tee: we figured out the best dates to plan the flights with the cheapest options so my parents wouldn't have to pay a sh!tload of money (even though we could pay the amount just fine). We planned it around both my little sisters and E's little sisters graduation ceremonies so we could both attend them and fly down together after, with her dad accompanying us. We had a daily workout routine planned so she could get ready for summer golf and so I could get into shape for pre-season basketball. We had friends that we we're planning on meeting for parties at houses in the neighborhood and had a huge schedule-packed-day for E's birthday, which would be on the first couple days we landed on the island.
March hits and the school year ends, and E comes and stays with me for a week after we move out. E had been having some health problems and hadn't been in the best of moods but otherwise everything was pretty quiet other than a few altercations my siblings and I had with my mom before she went out of town. The week goes by quickly, then E's mom comes to pick her up from my house and we try and get E's mom and my mom to collaborate to figure out plane tickets because it's about time to book them, and my mom keeps changing the subject. Before we even have a chance to bring it up again E and her fam have to leave.
Flashforward to a about a week or so later, I've been fighting a bit with my mom and walking around the house on eggshells, but I decide to bring up the flight and ticket booking to my parents the day before mother's day. My mom immediately shoots down the idea and suggests that we talk about it another time, but I push back because it's already mid-May and we're supposed to leave May 27th.
I explain how 'if we don't talk about it now, it's not going to happen, and I want to have an adult conversation about it because I am indeed an adult and want to be treated like one and expect to be treated like one.'
She goes off on me and says:
"Fine, if you want to have an adult conversation then listen to what I'm saying. I don't want you going to Barbados. I don't like the fact that you'll have to fly back on your own. I thought that E's mom was gonna be with you there and back. E's little breakdown the other day makes me think that she needs some time away from you and you going to Barbados with her wouldn't help that. Plus, Delta doesn't fly there and your dad couldn't use his sky miles so the ticket is gonna be expensive. This is just a lot for your first trip and I don't think it's a good idea. Going to a third-world country your first time out of the US just isn't something I think you're ready for. Also have you seen the crime rates there?? It says here that robberies and assault are a huge thing there."
She then had my dad pull up articles and papers on the crime rates on the island, which is little to none.
Ironic because we live in the US and in the 15 different states our family has lived in, I've personally been through 2 school shootings, gone to school on countless days with bomb threats, had to stay home because of armed robberies in neighboring houses (in nice-ass neighborhoods too), and had copious amounts of friends and loved-ones die or get sick from alcohol and drug abuse and/or become a victim or witness to SA.
I tried to cut in multiple times during this rant to give my opinion and talk through this with my parents. My dad listened to a bit of it, but ultimately my mom has absolute say, and she wasn't having any of it. All of the reasoning my parents gave me are just weak excuses that I have a rational solution or failsafe for. The worst part is the fact that I'm not even surprised. I should've known this would happen.
**sob story and me feeling sorry for myself lol skip if u want**
I'm the oldest of 4 and adopted; I try to step up into that role and be helpful as often as I can, but I've missed out on so many core memories throughout high school and college because I feel so obligated to them. I even got a full-ride scholarship, so my parents don't have to pay as much for my college. I'm truly becoming a functioning adult, but I will admit I still depend on my parents for a lot of things. I will never take that for granted. I know my place and know that I am spoiled as hell, but I also know that I'm not being unreasonable for being angry at them for breaking their promise to me.
**OK sob story done
AITA for staying mad at my parents for saying I can't go on this trip, and would it be even worse if I simply just figured out a way to pay for it myself and went without their permission?
Should I try to keep convincing them to pay for it??
SHOULD I JUST GO TO THERAPY? (definitely, yes)
E and me got off the phone about an hour or so ago and she told me some news. Her mom offered to pay for half the ticket (and then some if necessary) to help get me out of the house, even if it's not the week of E's birthday. I start working this coming Monday, and hopefully if I can work as many hours as I can in the first few weeks, I can save up some money and go to Barbados with the help of E and her mom. She's transferring to another college, and I may be dropping out, so we're not going to be going to the same school anymore. We had kinda hoped that this trip could be our last hurrah before the dynamic duo got split up for awhile.
Sorry for such a long post, this just has so many different aspects to it and I need some outsider advice. I keep seeing these on SMOSH and figured people might have a different way of seeing this than me and my friends.
**(PS my mother may or may not have BPD, Anxiety, a split personality and just a lot of childhood trauma that causes her to act like this. My dad is lowk absent and travels a lot but he tries his best; E's parents are almost the opposite from mine.)**

Partner M37 and me M32, 5 years into relationship. He booked a hotel with almost the same name (also price and category). We have been at the hotel I wanted and dreamt so much to go again before 2 years, but he has mistakenly booked another hotel with the same name, instead the one I wanted (and this trip is a gift for me). I/we have discovered this mistake today when I sent special request to the hotel for the room we would like and they told me we don't have a booking with them. And we are about to leave tomorrow by lunch. I had over 5 hours conversations with TUI today asking them to switch the hotel (they have available rooms), explaining the case and telling them we will pay the difference for the last minute change, they refused unless we pay thousands of pounds fee + the difference, despite my partner has been mislead by the same name of the hotel, at the same resort.
I know my partner's mistake is genuine. But I am still highly disappointed and frustrated. Haven't packed the luggage yet, he did his. And I am almost on the verge to not go tomorrow. I know I'm being childish but it is what I am feeling now, after longing for two years to go back to that hotel (and knowing everyone there) and destination, and two horrible years, I couldn't hold my excitement since he booked the hotel back in March until today, and now being at a place for 2 weeks which I have never ever wanted and a place far from any city is making me furious.
I'm currently in mute mode to him and he is but even realising how much I care about that hotel and trip. Already told him the fault lays on him.
I'm trying to be reasonabl, grateful and not childish as 32 years old but I literally can't hold it at the moment.
This post is a vent but I also would like to get your views, please?
Thank you

I (30 F) am afraid my partner (30M) of 7 months is cheating on me
I’m going to give context for you guys. I was in a relationship for around 4 years until I discovered that the man I was with was cheating on me for the entirety of the relationship. All online relationships through dating apps, Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, and Snapchat. He hid it extremely well. There was a couple instances I knew in the very beginning of our relationship but I chose to stay. Towards the last year of our relationship, I was discovering things every other week.
Not even six months after breaking up with my previous partner, I met whom I thought was the love of my life. I unfortunately was not as up front with him though. I lied to him for around a month about something pretty serious and when I finally came clean, he was very hurt about it. I lied to protect myself as I didn’t want to lose him (I have BPD and severe abandonment issues which I am not using as an excuse whatsoever but figured that may be important to know). A few months later and right after fight about the situation, I discovered that he cheated on me exactly the same way my ex did. A woman had previously reached out, he ignored her until one night after doing drugs and feeling really shitty, he gave her attention. She sent me the entirety of their conversation and it really was only about 10 minutes but still extremely triggering for me. We have since fought very often about what we both did to one another. My partner will get to the point of saying that’s he is done, that he is breaking up with me and for me, that’s extremely triggering due to the abandonment issues. Last week, I was out of town and was extremely sad and homesick. I wasn’t being positive at all and that was bringing down my partner and affecting his mood. He tried his best to help me out one night by giving me advice and talking me through everything but I became defensive. It turned into a fight and by the next day, it was even worse. Everyone we fight about anything, he becomes triggered about what I did to him. I was heading to my car when I called him and he was so angry and impatient that he said he was done and he hung up the phone. I was extremely panicked so I called and called and he answered the phone. Continued to argue and he broke up with me again and hung up. I continued to he panicked, called him multiple times and was crying, hyperventilating and just begging and begging for him to call me. He finally did, apologized and promised that he wouldn’t do it again. He did, the cycle repeated itself until we finally finished arguing and made up. That was an extremely traumatic event for me. I haven’t felt the same since honestly. The following day I had therapy and I talked extensively about the situation. She suggested that when the right time came I needed to sit down with my partner and explain how I’m feeling and how we can get better from that. After therapy, I came home and decided to do so but he became short and defensive right off the bat, assuming I hadn’t told my side of the story which I had, but I hadn’t had a chance to explain that yet to my partner. I again felt very defeated and was honestly feeling like we needed to end things. We didn’t though and continued on with the rest of our day. We fought again the next day, again getting to the point of almost breaking up but was then fine and we moved on. We haven’t fought since but since we started having these fights, I have been feeling this deep paranoid feeling that he has cheated on me again. I just have this feeling that he is. No proof though. A lot of the things he has said to me has triggered me into further believing that he has cheated. And it can be anything. Just random things that make me go, I bet he’s cheating on you. I’ve become extremely paranoid about his phone and I’m having dreams now of me finding him having sex with another girl. With my previous relationship trauma, I cannot tell if this is my intuition that’s telling me to run or just my anxiety. Because I know that intuition supposedly feelings like a calming whisper to you but I’m feeling panicky and my heart rate is fast and I get nauseous. But, this is exactly how I felt whenever I became suspicious of my ex and ended up finding things. I also had dreams that my ex was cheating on me. I have become such a nervous wreck now and cannot function. Am I experiencing trauma and anxiety because of the constant fighting and almost breaking up we recently experienced? Is my brain manifesting thosetraumatic experiences and creating a narrative that my partner is cheating?
TLDR: My partner and I have been fighting a lot, triggering my abandonment issues and possibly also my relationship trauma from my previous partner… is this leading me to convince myself that my current partner is cheating?

After the great scattering and the unification of Terra and the Sol system. The Emperor ventured out to conquer the galaxy and search for his Primarchs. During this great crusade many Primarchs were found, and despite some setbacks, reunited with their legions. His Primarchs were tasked with the further unification and subjugation of the fragmented remnants of humanity throughout the stars. In this they were told to keep a lookout for their fellow creations. Some Primarchs like Vulkania, Hathor and Sanguinia were devoting great efforts to find and rescue their lost Sisters while the more coldly pragmatic ones like Ferra, Perturaba and Ellanor treated this task as more of a chore with the expectation of unearthing a new weapon for the war effort. So in Year 888 of M 30 of the imperial standard calendar the blood angels legion and their primarch Sanguinia were carrying out the expansion efforts in the borderzone of the growing ultramar exclave. As it happened they came across a civilized human world, that its residence called Nuceria. Sanguinia, ever the charming diplomat, had first contact messages sent out on all possible vox channels and frequencies and even utilizing communication methods from the dark age of technologie in hopes of reaching the planetary authorities. After managing to establish a reliable method of communication she scheduled plans to send an envoy for a planetary landing and subsequent negotiations about the integration into the imperium. As they were loading up the landing crafts with gifts and weapons and diplomats and space marines, Sanguinia was walking across the main hangar bay of the Red Tear. Looking left and right over all the busy people, her wings swaying in the breeze of the air conditioning. At the end of the hangar hall she saw admiral Ares DuCade hurrying towards her with his entourage. She took a moment to stand still and look at him coming, her moment of peace would soon be over.
“There you are my lord, I have been looking for you all morning! You weren’t on the flight deck, you weren’t on the command deck nor on the Bridge nor in your personal quarters and not even on the observation deck could I find you. Landing group alpha primus were worried to terra and back, that their main asset wouldn’t show up in time for take off. First officer Morel almost cried at the thought of having lost a Primarch! Just what in the Imperiums name has possessed you to roam the lower bowes of the ship!” Sanguinia smiled and laughed: “Oh I just wanted to ensure that the ensins and marines of objective group two and three were well rested. I know they don’t mind doing the less glamorous security work but I don’t want them to feel left out just because they couldn’t take part in the parade today.” DuCarde sighed: “Please at least tell your personal security detail before going on such an unscheduled escapade”. He looked at his Primarch, then blushed and looked away. “But thank you for caring about the men”, he couldn’t stay mad at her, not with that smile. “Well then, let us proceed, before we cause a delay, If we go now we should just about make it in time”, Sanguinia winked at him and led the way.
As predicted the transport shuttles departed just in time and the descent to Nuceria was smooth and without issue. Group primus would head down towards the capitol and land just outside in a spectacular flight show before parading into the city where they would engage in the negotiations. Sanguinia knew the importance of making powerful and benevolent first impressions. Group secundus and tertius would make a less impressive descent and position themselves near the military, logistics and communications centers, just in case the talks went sour or the planetary authority would try to pull a fast one on the Legion. But so far everything went to plan, they were almost at the main square, their diplomats had engaged the planetary politicians and even though her personal honor guard was tense, looking for danger around every corner, Sanguinia made a calm and relaxed impression. She had to make a conscious effort for this impression but she knew as soon as this was done she could return to her beloved little dove and spend with them the time that was otherwise allocated for the conquest of this planet. The Desh’ean nobility welcomed Sanguinia and one man stepped forward and introduced himself as lord Thal’kr, leader of the ruling clan. His pompous attitude suggested he saw himself as an equal to Sanguinia, from one lord to another, this was a nuisance that she would just have to deal with. Usually putting pretentious mortals in their place wasn’t an issue for any primarch and she could do it tactfully too, but something about this seemed to give the red angel a headache. Regardless they followed the planetary customs to the necessary degree and were soon invited to a spectacle in the colosseum. Sanguinia, her honor guard, her remembrancer and various other guests were placed in the royal lounge with servants, wine and a grandiose view over the arena. While she was half heartedly listening to the japping of lord Thal’kr her gaze glanced over the rest of the stadium. It was packed. Bread and games seemed to keep the populous obedient. Her headache was still not going away. It was a weird feeling, not even her prescience would allow her to divine what it was. She tried to direct her focus back to what the noble was saying. “...So anyway we have this great gladiator, basically a giant, and the best part is, She’s basically indestructible. Any wound and any torment we inflict on her she recovers from. The populus loves her, especially when we have her fight great beasts like mammoths and nucerian mountain lions. But personally I think her best performance was when we had her fight alongside her adoptive father in an impossible fight, and then when they survived, we told them to kill each other! HAHAHAHA.” The laughter of the fat, opulent tyrant made Sanguinia want to cringe and turn away, but something told her to pay attention. Sanguinia became envious of her bodyguards, for they had helmets behind which they could hide their disgust. This man's ruling ethics could not have been further apart from her own. She tries to distract herself by looking at the faces of the other attendance. To her dismay the only other local that seemed to find anything wrong with this story was a young mortal standing by the balcony and holding a bouquet of flowers. Lord Thal’kr seemed to notice. "Oh? Do you fancy the little one? They are one of my Children. I’ll introduce you.” He turned and called out: “Hei Yarrow come here and give the nice lady the courtesy will you?” The young mortal hurried over, almost tripping over their light robes. They stood in front of the red angel and bowed deeply; clearly they had been raised to be polite and respectful in anticipation for a marriage alliance. “H-hello your highness my name is Yarrow, I’m blessed to meet you,” they blushed but stayed composed even in the presence of someone as intimidating as a primarch. “Come on little one be nice and subservient and maybe the lady will take you away and show you the stars beyond our world,” the tyrant laughed, “what were you doing over there by the balcony anyway? You weren’t thinking any bad thoughts about the gladiators again were you?” “Ah n-no father. Of course not.” “That’s still ‘my lord’ to you.” He shooed young Yarrow away. “Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, And then they thought they could be slick by refusing to fight each other, but we won’t be defied that easily, so we pumped her full of stimulants and had neural-anti cognitors placed in her head. Oh you should’ve seen her then, ripped her father apart like a squealing rabbit. And how she cried afterwards, like a little bitch. Oh what wouldn’t I give to hear that again.” Another noble chimed in:”But what about the time we made her fight her lover?” “Who do you mean?” The tyrant asked. “Gladiolus the beautiful but fearsome young Gladiator,” the noble replied. “Ah yeah HAHA. Well not so fearsome in the end were they?” Lord Thal’kr laughed again. “You have to know, when we learned about their relationship, they had apparently gotten close after the death of her father, we brought the two into the arena. They thought they would be fighting beasts but in reality they would have to fight each other. We gave her just enough time to realize her predicament before we pumped up the pressure on those anti-cognitors and turned her back into a wild savage animal. You should have seen them. Gladiolus pleaded with her to ‘snap out of it’ but she fell upon them and crushed their skull between her thighs like a watermelon. It was a delicious spectacle.” This man seemed to relish in the memory and just as Sanguinia contemplated if it was worth keeping him around he went: “Look! There She is. Child of the mountain, Mistress of the red sands along with our finest gladiators. Hail to those about to die!”
Sanguinia looked down into the arena and got hit with a wave of realization like an orbital bombardment. As she stared down she knew what the feeling was that had plagued her all day. It was this presence that she sensed and her prescience that had been screaming at her what her mind didn’t want to comprehend. But now it stood there below her, clear as day and no longer deniable. She thought no primarch could be more haggard than Morrigan and no such demigod could be more disheveled than Corvess. But she was wrong. Before her eyes stood, wrapped in chains, beaten and broken, her own flesh and blood. And as Angron looked up at the red angel standing at the parapet, all that Sanguinia could do was to close her mind to the visions of what was to come.
“You did WHAT to my Sister?!” The red angel spoke, dry and sharp, hair fell across her face and droplets of black blood fell on the parapet. “Well… we…”, before the tyrant could even speak she fell upon him. A massive hand clamped around his jaw and ripped it off. The guards reacted fast but the astarties reacted faster, thow they could not do much more than dispatch of the armed men before Azkellon ordered them to stand down. They looked over at their primarch who, in this brief moment, had already torn her way through seven other nobles with bare hands and was now about to reach her sword. Azkellon saw that the situation had turned most dire and knew he had to take charge. He turned on the vox:”all channels, situation’s fubar. Proceed with operational backup plan. Don’t go near mother, she is violent and unresponsive.” He then turned towards the brothers standing next to him and shouted: “Sanguinary guard evacuate the premises, ensure the retreat of all imperial non-combatants and most important of all: rescue that Primarch!” He pointed down into the arena, the lower levels of the stadium hadn’t yet realized what was happening, but sure enough there would be mass panic and a stampede. The Astarties split up and Azkellon along with his squad hopped down into the upper levels of the stadium. They did so just in time because the roof of the lodge began to buckle as the red angel cut through men and stone pillars as if they were straw. Azkellon cursed under his breath. He should have insisted on jump packs for this operation. It was no use now, they had to make their way down into the arena by foot, cut a way if necessary. When they were finally in the bottom rows the roof of the lodge above them collapsed and they heard an ear ringing scream: “HOW DARE YOU!” and “MY BABY SISTER!”. Clearly the primarch had finished massacring the major nobles in attendance and was now carving a bloody canyon through the minor ones. The stadium was now in full panik and mortals were scrambling over each other to get out of their own slaughterhouse. The Astarties hopped another fence down into the arena. A few bolter rounds dispatched of the remaining guards and Azkellon made his way over to the still restrained Angron. The next few words he spoke would be crucial to ensure the primarchs' cooperation; he had to choose them carefully and he had to choose them fast. “Mistress of the red sands, we are the angels of the Godemperor of mankind sent to aid you in your escape from this wretched place!” He prayed to Terra that she didn’t actually want to stay here. But to his relief Angron nodded and spoke:”My thanks. Get me out of these shackles, I can fight for myself.” Azkellon hurried to get out his multi-tool and got to work on the primarchs bindings. As he did so he looked her in the eyes and said: “it’s okay, you no longer need to fight for or by yourself.” Angron tried to stay stoic but he could see that the primarch was fighting to hold back tears. She looked as thow decades and decades of prayers prayed cold and lonely cells had finally been answered. When the shackles cracked and broke she turned away: ”They come with me”, she pointed to the other gladiators in the arena. “Very well”, Azkellon knew he couldn’t refuse her or the tenuous trust they had just built would be null and void. His squad freed the gladiators and they hurried out of the arena as Askellon ordered another thunderhawk for evacuation. As the last to leave the arena he looked back and saw the seating area had been filled with so much gore and viscera that blood began to spill over and run down the walls into the sand of the fighting pit. He made another vox call to the red tear and ordered them to get Dove on that thunderhawk along with as many tranquilizers as they could muster. They would need any help they could get if they wanted Sanguinia to calm down.
Angron led the astarties through the underbowels of the arena; clearly she knew her way around. However, that also meant that she chose a way that went past all the prison cells to free as many of the caged slaves, gladiators and animals as she could. Azkellon did not complain, he just wanted to get out of here. When they finally managed to leave the colosseum for good they stopped to take a brief respite. Angron turned to Azkellon and said: “I am grateful for your efforts but please, may I ask, you remove your helmet if you are able to, I’d like to see your face if you have one.” He did so and confirmed what he had felt for a while. Tears of black blood streamed down his cheeks and seeped out of his helmet. She looked shocked. “I’m sorry miss, this doesn’t usually happen, but our mother … your sister… it must be the deep connection we have with her that causes this.” Before he could apologize further for the undignified display, they saw a figure rise above the colosseum. The red angel had spread her bloodstained wings and was flying towards the ruling palace at the other end of the city. Over the vox the voice of the enraged primarch could be heard: “LET NONE LEAVE ALIVE! SHOOT ANY THAT ESCAPE THE CITY!” Azkellon had to quickly amend those orders to ensure that the slaves they rescued would survive. Then he voxed in with the other squad of sanguinary guard to get a status report on the evacuation of the imperial diplomats. Luckily they were almost out of the city and operational groups secundus and tertius hadn’t said anything so it was to be assumed that their part went to plan and there wouldn’t be any planetary reinforcements arriving in the city anytime soon. The squad tended to the malnourished slaves and wounded gladiators as best they could and then embarked on the safest possible route out of Desh’ea. The mortals would slow them down but leaving them behind wasn’t much of an option. Besides, mother had always reminded them that they were once mortal as well.
When they were about half way towards the extraction zone, they passed a squad of blood angel terminators carrying heavy equipment and escorting a young mortal. “Barbiel, is that you?” Azkellon shouted over to them. “Yes, great herald, we have the assets you requested.” “Good, the primarch went that way towards the palace. See if you can stop her madness. … Barbiel?" The crimson paladin seemed to stare off into the space behind him. But when Azkellon saw that it wasn’t just him but the other terminators and the young Dove as well he realized what it was. “This is primarch Angron Thal'kyr. we are escorting her to the thunderhawk for evacuation.” The terminators composed themselves, nodded and then hurried along.
And so passed another tense hour of walking through empty and abandoned streets while avoiding the panicking crowds. The hysteria had spread throughout the entire city and rightfully so. There wasn’t a gutter that didn’t have a trickle of blood running through it. Azkellon knew the power of the primarchs but he was still taken aback at how much carnage a single entity could cause. If there was a god of slaughter, he would surely smile this day.
When they reached the edges of the city Azkellon was relieved to hear the turbines of the thunderhawk. Angron stood still behind him, apparently needing a moment. Surely this was the first time she saw a spacecraft. “Where will this take us?” she asked. “Far away from this sight of misery,” he answered. It wasn’t untrue. “I’ll gladly go but first I need one more person to come with me,” she turned around and walked back towards the city, “I need my Yarrow, I need my desert flower, I cannot leave without them.” Azkellon was glad he had put his helmet back on, as he was certain all the color just drained from his face. He quickly voxed in with the terminator team asking if they had managed to calm down Sanguinia. Indeed they had somehow managed to stabilize her with a combination of Doves' kind words and enough tranquilizers to kill a horde of grox. Then He asked about the Tyrant's Child and after a moment of silence got the answer he did not want to expect. The red angel had slain the young mortal in her episode of unending rage. Azkellon thanked the emperor that he was the only one who could hear that answer. He told them to bring back the body of the slain Yarrow and tell Angron that they were killed by their father. He also stressed that they should ensure that no one ever finds out the truth, especially not Angron or any member of the war hounds legion.
When Angron heard news of the perishing of her second lover, she was inconsolable. She wept until they brought her the lifeless body and she wept over them the entire flight back, and she wept at the funeral when they let their corpse drift into the sun over Nuceria and she wept for several days after. These were a rough couple days despite the planetary conquest going off with very few issues. As Sanguinia read the report her legions apothecaries made about Angron and the butcher's nails in her head, she too fluctuated between rage and sorrow. She cradled and comforted her sister trying anything to lessen her pain. Finally she decided on the surgical removal of the butcher’s nails. When her apothecaries warned her of the dangers and the possibility of killing or stunting her sister, she almost tore one of their heads off shouting: “I’d rather have a brain dead sister than a suffering one.” Alas Sanguinia decided to perform the procedure herself. Her apothecaries suggested returning to nearby Ultramar to take advantage of their medical facilities, but Sanguinia denied them for she could not bear to see her Sister in agony for a single second longer.
Preparations were made and when the day of the surgery came all the medical staff of the red tear that could attend, did so. Even the ones who weren’t required sat in the amphitheater and watched the tense procedure. Sanguinia walked onto the operating floor covered in sterile white robes and a surgical mask over her face. Even her wings were covered in sterile white bindings. They would not remain white for long. Angron was rolled in and placed upon the operating table. Sanguinia looked at the sedated and still body of her sister; she was only covered in a ghostly thin sheet. “Father give me strength”, she muttered under her breath. A dozen astarties and two dozen mortal doctors huddled around the two. One of them handed Sanguinia a custom made pair of operating gloves. She dawned them, flicked them to ensure they sat tight and spoke: “let us begin”. A mortal brought her the scalpel. ‘This shall be the blade I wield today’, She thought to herself.
The surgery was long and arduous; it took three whole days before it was over. By the end Sanquinia was exhausted, she had to focus on making perfect nanometer cuts while simultaneously concentrating on using her prescience to ensure the best possible outcome. She slumped into a chair; her otherwise perfect hair was sweaty and messy. When a doctor came in to tell her that Angron's vital signs read normal, her exhausted face managed to curl into a mellow smile. Dove wanted to comfort her after all the work she did, but she only allowed it for a moment. For Sanguinia knew that her sister would soon awake and she needed to be there. When Angron awoke and looked into her sister's eyes she smiled, feeling as if she had awoken from the nightmare that was her life on Nuceria. But when she saw Dove standing by her sister's side she broke into tears, for she remembered. She remembered not only how she lost Yarrow but she remembered how she lost Gladiolus too. The butcher's nails prevent memories from being formed while in a state of rage but that is only effective in normal men. Angron's nails had prevented her from remembering how she murdered her father and crushed her lover in the arena but now she saw it again, clear as day. She wept and wailed in the arms of her sister, soaking her hair and wings in tears.
The pain of the nails was gone but the pain of the past was one that could not be lifted. Angron engaged with her sister, for Sanguinia managed to take her mind off of the grief she still felt. But this would not last long, for soon the Conqueror arrived carrying the war hounds legion, forcing the two sisters to separate. After this Angron fell into a deep deep depression. Ordered to lead men she barely even knew and on board of a ship she found to be unfamiliar, Angron felt even more alone than in the slave pits of Nuceria. Not even the slaves she rescued were there to accompany her for she had sent them away to a paradise world, far away so they may never again be forced to fight. Angron was alone again, she was frightened again and most of all: she was in a cage again. She locked herself in her chambers, where she sank deeper and deeper into grief and sorrow. When her marines came and tried to talk to her she lashed out in desperation, killing more than a few. Even though the nails were removed, she still felt like she was only here to endure a life of suffering and torment.

I worked for my brother for 20 years after turning down a huge opportunity making six figures in NYC. I brought my girlfriend-now-wife from the city she adored where she had a solid career. For 20 years I was consistently the rainmaker of the firm, worked long hours, weekends, holidays. On a office wide conference call it was announced to the entire firm--including me, for the first time, that two associates were named partners and the firm was "rebranding". This was never discussed with me, at all.
Humiliated,I had no choice but to leave the firm. This was a huge shock and disruption. At 58, tough to rehire.One kid was headed to college and the other was halfway thru private high school. My FILs funeral was the next day. My wife was terrified.My daughter offered to delay college.I had very little time to set up my new firm, secure work, etc.
Didn't hear from mom for 2 months afterward. After nervously prattling about the weather she blurted out "I know there's stuff going on at work", immediately adding she "didn't want to get involved."(She had heard something had happened, obviously, but was not interested in my telling of it.)She did not ask about my financial state, what I was going to do, or even how I felt.I told her I was upset by her reaction and why. Then I hung up on her, apologizing for that almost immediately in a text (wife talked me into it).
Mom sent me a card saying she was sorry she hurt my feelings, but she "refused to be a referee" in this matter. Again, I corrected her in a text, I didn't want a referee, I wanted her concern and support, I wanted her to be interested in what would happen with me and my family.
She continues to send passive-aggressive guilt trip birthday cards to me and my kids (ignoring my wife, who thinks is just a troublemaker in general and is supporting our estrangement...my wife grew up with abusive drug-addicted parents who she was estranged from for periods), refuses to call me directly, and angrily insists (in cards) I am the one who needs to apologize (for hanging up on her years ago). She falsely accused me of refusing to speak to her unless she cuts off the rest of the fam. I wrote her a letter explaining all this recently, never heard back. My kids (now both at college)are angry with the fam including Grandma. The cousins shame them for being mean and disrespectful to Grandma. I might also add that I am the only one who did not "marry up", my wife grew up poor has been snubbed by fam for years for years, which my parents allowed. AITA? Are my kids?

We jumped into marriage quickly. Too quickly. Things were so great. He treated me like I have never been treated before. He said all the right things. He made me feel so good.
It was a long distance relationship. We met on an app as he was driving through my state (Kansas) for work. He lived in Florida. We talked on FaceTime almost 24/7 about 2-3 months with weekend visits. After those 2 or 3 months, he packed up everything and moved to Kansas to be with me. Everything was great. We were so happy, never fought, and created so many memories together.
Fast forward about 4-5 months later, 7 months into the relationship. He proposed. I of course said yes. Why wouldn’t I? Everything was perfect and I wasn’t thinking about anything except for that.
A month later we got married. I can’t quite remember why we jumped to marriage so quickly after the engagement, but we did. My grandpa married us with my mom, step dad and grandma there to “celebrate” with us.
Fast forward to the past 2 or 3 months. Everything is a fight. And I can’t figure out why. He’s constantly pointing out how awful I am, how I’m full of drama because I cry too much, and threatening to leave me. I’m no saint, don’t get me wrong. I’ve yelled also. I’ve called him names. I’ve blown up his phone when he’s ignoring me. But when I look back at all of our fights, I can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve all of this. Yes, I fight back. But I can’t see what I’m doing to start this. He calls me oblivious, and maybe I am. Because I just don’t understand.
We’ve been married for 11 months, almost to the day. Our wedding reception is in 10 days. We are celebrating our marriage with our family. But right now I’m wondering what the hell we are even celebrating.
An example I’ll use is today. I was going over what’s left to be done before the reception. I told him next Friday we need to get all of the alcohol, soda, juice, and water, but we should wait until next week because there will be lots of Memorial Day deals. I told him the amount of everything I think we should get. That included me saying one two liter of sprite. He responded with “I think we should get two”. I marked it down and said okay. I then said “I just don’t want to get too much of everything and waste money. If we run out, we run out. There will be more stuff to drink.” I didn’t say it in an aggressive manner and I didn’t mean it in a way of saying we shouldn’t get two. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it, I don’t know, but I did. And he responded with “you know what, you figure it out. You control everything and want everything your way. You’re controlling and annoying.” All because of a two liter of sprite.
That’s how life is. I’m walking on eggshells. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but that’s how it feels. Everything is a fight. It’s usually all verbal and emotional despite one time of physical, but it’s still a fight. I’m just tired of it. Is this really what my life will be? Most days I just want to leave. To save myself my sanity. But I’m embarrassed. We got married so quick and have only been married 11 months. It would be so embarrassing to get a divorce. I just don’t know what to do.

I (30 F) am afraid my partner (30M) of 7 months is cheating on me
I’m going to give context for you guys. I was in a relationship for around 4 years until I discovered that the man I was with was cheating on me for the entirety of the relationship. All online relationships through dating apps, Facebook, Instagram, Reddit, and Snapchat. He hid it extremely well. There was a couple instances I knew in the very beginning of our relationship but I chose to stay. Towards the last year of our relationship, I was discovering things every other week.
Not even six months after breaking up with my previous partner, I met whom I thought was the love of my life. I unfortunately was not as up front with him though. I lied to him for around a month about something pretty serious and when I finally came clean, he was very hurt about it. I lied to protect myself as I didn’t want to lose him (I have BPD and severe abandonment issues which I am not using as an excuse whatsoever but figured that may be important to know). A few months later and right after fight about the situation, I discovered that he cheated on me exactly the same way my ex did. A woman had previously reached out, he ignored her until one night after doing drugs and feeling really shitty, he gave her attention. She sent me the entirety of their conversation and it really was only about 10 minutes but still extremely triggering for me. We have since fought very often about what we both did to one another. My partner will get to the point of saying that’s he is done, that he is breaking up with me and for me, that’s extremely triggering due to the abandonment issues. Last week, I was out of town and was extremely sad and homesick. I wasn’t being positive at all and that was bringing down my partner and affecting his mood. He tried his best to help me out one night by giving me advice and talking me through everything but I became defensive. It turned into a fight and by the next day, it was even worse. Everyone we fight about anything, he becomes triggered about what I did to him. I was heading to my car when I called him and he was so angry and impatient that he said he was done and he hung up the phone. I was extremely panicked so I called and called and he answered the phone. Continued to argue and he broke up with me again and hung up. I continued to he panicked, called him multiple times and was crying, hyperventilating and just begging and begging for him to call me. He finally did, apologized and promised that he wouldn’t do it again. He did, the cycle repeated itself until we finally finished arguing and made up. That was an extremely traumatic event for me. I haven’t felt the same since honestly. The following day I had therapy and I talked extensively about the situation. She suggested that when the right time came I needed to sit down with my partner and explain how I’m feeling and how we can get better from that. After therapy, I came home and decided to do so but he became short and defensive right off the bat, assuming I hadn’t told my side of the story which I had, but I hadn’t had a chance to explain that yet to my partner. I again felt very defeated and was honestly feeling like we needed to end things. We didn’t though and continued on with the rest of our day. We fought again the next day, again getting to the point of almost breaking up but was then fine and we moved on. We haven’t fought since but since we started having these fights, I have been feeling this deep paranoid feeling that he has cheated on me again. I just have this feeling that he is. No proof though. A lot of the things he has said to me has triggered me into further believing that he has cheated. And it can be anything. Just random things that make me go, I bet he’s cheating on you. I’ve become extremely paranoid about his phone and I’m having dreams now of me finding him having sex with another girl. With my previous relationship trauma, I cannot tell if this is my intuition that’s telling me to run or just my anxiety. Because I know that intuition supposedly feelings like a calming whisper to you but I’m feeling panicky and my heart rate is fast and I get nauseous. But, this is exactly how I felt whenever I became suspicious of my ex and ended up finding things. I also had dreams that my ex was cheating on me. I have become such a nervous wreck now and cannot function. Am I experiencing trauma and anxiety because of the constant fighting and almost breaking up we recently experienced? Is my brain manifesting thosetraumatic experiences and creating a narrative that my partner is cheating?
TLDR: My partner and I have been fighting a lot, triggering my abandonment issues and possibly also my relationship trauma from my previous partner… is this leading me to convince myself that my current partner is cheating?

I 21F, live with my mother, 2 sisters and 1 brother. My sister M22 has a friend K22 who lives with us. They have known each other since 6th grade and have been connected at the hip since then. In the beginning I did not like her at all, she was very annoying, and things had to be done her way. She also can't take 'no' for an answer. Over the years I've learned to tolerate her a little bit but now she has pushed me over the edge.
K just moved out of the house her, and her dad lived in because their lease ended. They moved in with her dad's friend G and they will live their until they find another house to rent. My mom and sister came up with the idea to make my brothers old room into a bedroom for her so she could stay whenever she didn't want to be at her house. Which is very nice and a lot of people wouldn't do that. My mother and sister didn't ask anyone if that would be alright, which I know it is my mother's house, but nobody told me that, that was the plan. I also still can't stand her at all. Mind: she goes home for 1 day and then comes right back and will stay for a few weeks straight.
I have always had issues with K because she is always here, in our business and just won't stop. When she is over (which is everyday at this point) she has to do HER stuff and I can't do mine. I clean the house, because I don't work rn so I clean the house daily and do a deep clean to 1. keep up with the daily chores and 2. just because I'm living here rent free and it's the bare minimun. While I clean I love listening to music, as of rn I've been listening to Christmas music because it's my favorite time of year and it just makes me feel better so I've been listening to it a lot recently to try and distract myself from everything that is going on in my life. I got an Alexa and I listen to music on that, it's never above level 5 volume, it's just background noise. K will come in whatever room and turn it off, I told her not too and she said she doesn't want to listen to it, and I told her that it's my Alexa don't mess with it and if she doesn't like it listen to her own music with her airpods or go into a different room, or I can put my music back on and just change the station and she said to change the station. I changed to Pop music and I was in the middle of sweeping in the other room and it turned off, I went into the room where my Alexa was and checked to see what happened and saw that it was unplugged. K was in the room right next to it and I asked her what happened, she said that she unplugged it because she was tired of it. I told her "I asked you not to touch it" she said it doesn't matter and that she doesn't want to listen to my music.
I have airpods but I can't find them rn, so I can't listen to music on my phone without it being outloud. She continues to turn off my music no matter what I am doing, and it pisses me off. This isn't the only thing she does though.
K also can't take 'no' for an answer, she will beg you until you get so pissed off that you give in just so she will shut her big mouth. I bought my own groceries this past few weeks using my birthday money and in our house we have a rule: if you buy it , it's yours just let other people know that it is yours. We have stickers that we put on tupperware and other food items if a certain person bought it and doesn't want others in it. I placed these stickers on everything I bought and I let the others know that I bought stuff at the store and that I put the stickers on it and to please not touch it. K came into the living room the other day and asked if this pack of lunch meat was mine eventhough the stick on the very front where you can't miss it has my name on it and "PLEASE DON'T TOUCH" written. I told her yes that it was mine and she asked if she could have it and I said 'no' there's lunch meat outside that she can have. She rolled her eyes and put it back in the fridge. I went to my room for a little bit after that and I got hungry and went to make my lunch and in the fridge was my open container of lunch meat that I told her not to touch, I just got that at the store and haven't opened it yet. My sister and K were in the living room with empty plates next to them and I asked them why my lunch meat was open, and K said that they were hungry and made sandwiches. With the lunch meat I bought. I asked them why after I told her not to eat it and just not touch it because it was mine and her excuse was, I like turkey and your mom bought ham, so I used yours instead because I like it better. My sister then said, "it's not a big deal, it's just a few slices of lunch meat it's fine" It is a big deal to me because they overstepped a boundary again.
Another thing that happened just yesterday, I was making cookies and I have learned to not bake the whole batch while K is over, she will eat the entire thing before anyone else gets to have one. So I made 6 cookies and while I was making them she had to be in the kitchen and ask a million questions, “what are you making” “what kind of cookies are you making” “when will they be done” “how long do they have to bake” etc. When I bake and cook I have to be the only one in the kitchen because I will get very overwhelmed. The kitchen is small and having more than 1 person in there at a time is exhausting. K had to be right on top of me while I was doing it, I wasn’t teaching her anything so there was no reason for her to be over my shoulder the entire time. When I finished the dough I had to keep it in the fridge overnight and she got upset because she wanted a cookie now. Which I understand because I love cookies too but there is no reason to get upset over having to wait 14 hrs for cookie dough to chill in the fridge.
Today I finally baked them and she freaked out because I was baking them finally and she really wanted one. She was confused as to why I only make 6 cookies instead of the whole batch which makes 36 cookies. I just told her that I’m just making enough for everyone to have 1 rn. My real reason is because every time she is over and we have anything I baked it will be gone in a few hours. The other day a family friend that I bake with often made ME brownies and yes she said that they were for me mainly but to share. I didn’t even get 1 bite of a brownie because K ate most and when I asked where they went they said they were gone and I asked who ate them K sad she had the last one. I told her that I didn’t get one and our friend made them mainly for me and she said “snooze you loose”
I finished making the cookies and I went to my room to let them cool, while in my room K texted me and asked “will u hurt me if I have a cookie?” I responded “no, u can have 1 cookie only, there are 6. That’s 1 for everyone, so only eat 1 cookie” she left me on read. I came back out about 30 minutes later to put them in a Tupperware and they were gone! Completely gone 6 cookies gone in 30 minutes. I asked my sister and K where they went and they were eating a cookie as I walked in the living room. I asked how many cookies they had and they looked at each other and smiled trying to contain their laughter. I knew in that moment that they ate all 6 cookies and had no shame. I asked her about the text message and whether or not she comphrend it or if it just went right over her head. She said they were really good and wanted another. Idc if she wanted another she couldn’t take my answer, I set a boundary with her again and she overstepped again. My sister and K laughed because I got upset about 6 cookies but I’m not upset about the cookies. I’m upset because the boundaries I set have been violated again and again and Idk what to do about it. I decided to keep my mouth shut because I 100% believe in if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all” I that moment there was nothing nice to say. As I walked out, K said you can make more cookies now, use the rest of the dough” I just walked back to my room and stayed there until my mom came home.
When my mom came home I told her about what happened and I asked her if K could leave and she said no because our house is her house and she needs to feel welcomed here. My mom and I got into a small argument about that because I brought up that her saying that made me feel like my mom doesn’t care about my feelings when it comes to this. K is overstepping my boundaries and M is letting her and helping her do so and nothing is being done about it I just have to take it and my mom told me that I’m blowing all out of proportion and to relax and forget about it.
I’m not going to forget about it, I’m going to remember this 10 years down the line when you want to come back into my life after I go no contact with all of them. I rarely feel safe in the house and I just want my own space. I don’t have a job so I don’t have an income to start saving up and move out. I just want K to leave, I haven’t had a break since she started living here.
AITAH?

Quick context I'm breastfeeding, I'm currently sick with mastitis. We have 4 kids 12, 8, 3 and 6m. Yes we're done having kids. I have baby fever with a 6m old. Husband works all day on concrete with bad knees. As in they need to be replaced. I'm currently trying to throw a birthday party for my older kids on the cheap because their birthdays are in the middle of winter and house is small. Pizza parties are about $100-$150ea and at home $75 for both kids. I have tried talking to him about doing something during their birth months but we were tight. The following is our conversation.
Wife, This party is very important to the kids.
I'm going to need your help. I'm so exhausted from being sick and trying to get son to help is like fighting a monkey for the last banana. I need help cleaning
Husband, This is more important to than the kids hun stop lying to yourself and others. This is more for you than the kids. I was 100% not for it. I help but, for fuck sake I'm not f******g happy about it.
Wife, I'm doing it for them! Why would it be for me? Parents drop off and pretty much run. Nvm forget I asked.
Husband, Wife no one does this
Wife, Does what? Throw a birthday party for their kids because they love them and can't afford a d*** pizza party on the month of their birthdays.
Husband, I never had giant extravagant birthdays. I had family that was it. This concept of kids missing out on things, I don't understand what they are missing out on. They have so much more than I did at their age. NO ITS NOT THEIR D*** BIRTHDAY! It's no one's birthday. We could have done something on there birthday. Never had a problem when we had 2 extra kids over.
Wife, It's not extravagant. Food, cake. pretty much it and play outside. Fine you invite six children exactly like son (very adhd) and try to throw that inside the house no. I just need help cleaning stuff.That should already be done but nobody cares. On the maid of a f****** house.If i'm not doing it nobody else is. I should never even laid in bed on mother's day. I expected too much of everybody. I'm done asking for help drop it. Okay try that with her two friends plus six more. Too much too many people. Literally hamburgers hot dogs and a cake couple of hours. Going all out would've been 100%.Decorations would have been ice cream on top of that would have been me renting a bounce house or something, no. I'm not going all out. I guess what things cleaned up and I can't do anything.I'm sick. I can't get this house cleaned because i'm sick. Now I feel like the bad person for just wanting to clean house. What's the point of having a house and nobody will keep it cleanish. What's the point of cooking dinner? Nobody's gonna eat it.I don't bother coming over pissed off go to tyler'sI'm done. I won't ask you for anything anymore
Husband, Fine wife I will here and work there. I will work till you are happy. You want another kid? Sure let's do it. I'll get a second job to support them all I will not see you ever because I will be sleeping in car after I clean the house.
Wife, I already said don't bother. I'm done asking you for help.
Husband, Wife you make shit more harder on your self than you think then blame it on me or kids. You have more time sitting and laying down than anyone else in that house. Yes you feel like s, WE all feel like s even at work everyone is f**g miserable from allergies and heat. I will help you get s done at home, bit don't think for second that you are god damn Cinderella and I'm the evil step mother. If that's how you want it you get a job and I will be the maid at home. You always make me feel guilty about leaving you everyday to work while you get to stay home. Then say that I make you feel guilty for not doing enough around the house.
Wife, I don't sit on my ass all day long. Breastfeeding, waiting till kids go off to school while I drink my coffee and sometimes trying to get toddler to take his naps. Also, my mind will never function like yours. It's 10x harder for me to do these never-ending chores daily. But yet nobody will lift a finger to help me when I'm sick. You know damn well I'd go to work at the mill if they would allow it. I'd bag all day if I had to. If I do get a job it would only to pay for child care, medical, and food. That's if I'm lucky to make enough to cover all that. Yes I want you home all the time but that isn't going to happen I'm sorry for making you feel guilty for having to go to work. I just don't want to end up like mom and I don't want the house to look like a hoarder lives here. Yes mess is to be expected. I'm not asking for much but everyone makes seem like I am. Everyone lives here not just me.
Husband, I didn't say you do all day. I said out of everyone in the house you do the most.
Wife, Not that I want to either
Husband, Also, I help you quite alot when you sick and in general. But I guys it's just small potatoes to you.
Wife, What I see so you know and inform me what I miss. Mom's asleep leave her alone Mom not feeling good just change their diaper Here's some water Rub my feet or legs occasionally (thank you) Made me cup of coffee Take the trash out on trash day Changing kids diapers What am I missing?
Husband, Wow ok nevermind I'm human garbage. Besides working to pay off everything and buying you and the kids s***, paying bills. I don't do anything.
Wife, I'm not talking work. I'm talking when I'm down and can't do things
Husband, Well you don't communicate worth a s*** for to know what you want or what needs to be done. Just what ever wife.
Wife, You see the mess Dirty counters Sink full of dishes Laundry piling up Dog hair all over the floors Dirty bathrooms It's right there. This it's your home too. Thought you would want it kept to a certain level of clean. Guess we don't think alike on what needs to stay clean or what can be somewhat messy.
Husband, For years I was the only one who did that in a house of 4 adults and I never got help. Praised for cleaning so well that your dad would get sick from eating off them. I was the only one who would clean and now that it's been 15 years roughly I'm the complete ass. I'm the only one who brings home an income. I buy you pretty much anything you want or need. There is sooo much more I can say wife. This is not 50/50 like you want it to be this is 80/20 you don't have much do to at home. YOU SIT AND LET IT PILE UP TILL ITS A PROBLEM. I will be home later and I will do everything. If life is so bad what would you do if I was gone tomorrow? You don't put 8 hrs a day into anything and you spout out that it's not fair that I don't do more. You can give me all the excuses you want, I'm adhd, I can't focus, I need to start as a routine or I can't do it. You did just fine when my mom would yell at you and now she's gone it's my fault pretty much all the time. I'm ending this conversation here. Do not text me for the rest of the day. I will be home at 4:50 after getting dog food and I will stay up till the whole damn house is done to your standards.
Wife, Don't bother I said.You yell at me for not asking for help and now when I do all I get is f*****g attitude. Just go sleep at friend or something. AITA?

Me and my partner are moving across the country. We have spent many months and weeks researching the best way to move, the best way to budget, and the best way to pack.
We seriously spent a good chunk of the year preparing for this.
My parents and golden child brother think we are doing it all wrong, we’re doing it too expensive, and we are idiots for budgeting for emergencies. They call me and my girlfriend about it almost daily to tell us how we are worrying too much and spending too much. And should listen to them. They also laugh at us for our perceived “incompetence”
We literally are spending less than 3000$ to ship most of our belongings across the country. Have all of our affairs in order. Are conducting a mostly seamless move. And have budgeted a lot of extra cash for any hidden fees or emergencies that may occur.
They think this is ridiculous. They think hidden fees are an object of my “anxious imagination”. They think us buying insurance for our shipping container is a waste of money.
Here’s the kicker. They’ve never lived anywhere but in their hometown! They’ve never moved out of it or even within it! My brother did a little bit but the military moved him.
How do they have any knowledge of what I do or how I do it?! I have literally been researching this entire process.
I told them, “if you can do it better and cheaper then why don’t you do it for me? I’ll even pay you.” Of course they don’t respond to that
But it doesn’t stop there. They constantly question and berate my knowledge of the topic I’m literally getting my PhD in and have spent almost a decade of my life studying…so I guess I should’ve expected this.

This is a weird situation. I'm going to start telling the situation, and then I am curious what you guys would do in my position. For reference, I'm a middle school ELA teacher.
So, about a week ago (two weeks before the end of the year), we were informed via an emergency meeting that we would need to add 9 days to the school year due to our calendar being submitted incorrectly. It's a long story, but we're a charter school and apparently we made a mistake submitting the calendar and, despite having well over our required instructional minutes, we are being forced by the state to add 9 full instructional days to our calendar. In other words, it's two weeks more of school with Memorial Day off.
The state sees these as normal school days and anyone absent is required to be marked absent. However, the students and families see these as optional. The way it is being presented to the families is that it is "additional" and not "actual school days." Even though the situation is complicated and not really our fault, they are actual school days by law. A significant number of the kids will probably not come.
Then there's the contract. My last contracted day is this Friday. We were offered a day rate for each day we are willing to work. I could use the money, so I signed up for 7 of the 9 days. I figured the 4-day weekend would be a decent break and I'd just jump back in to help out and get some extra money that I could use for a vacation over the now delayed summer. We were informed we may or may not actually be scheduled for the days we signed up for.
I was informed today that I was going to be scheduled the second week (so four days due to Memorial Day), which is fine by me. Then I found out that I would be teaching all of 7th grade and all of 8th grade by myself ALL DAY. Like I'm the ONLY one working with this group. They seem to believe that very few students are going to come, but how they can be sure of this, I don't know. What happens if they all come? That would be about 80 kids.
I also am not at all familiar with teaching any class longer than an hour. Imagine trying to teach a full day to a group of kids who are in school while half their friends are on summer vacation already. I literally have no idea what to do. I want to tell them I can't work it, but they are going to be extremely pissed. My assumption is that if they are running it like this, that no one volunteered. It's entirely possible that literally no 8th graders show up because they will have already had their promotion ceremony and all have their high schools lined up. There's literally no point in going. We're not even grading anything.
So, what would you do in this situation? I'm very hesitant to just bail on them, but I also do NOT have enough content for four 6 hour days. Movies and stuff will only get me so far because these kids can't make it through a full movie with their fried attention spans. Even taking them out on the playground scares me if there's no other adults because things escalate insanely fast with these kids. I'm genuinely concerned someone is going to get hurt and I'll be responsible. I also highly suspect it's only going to be the shithead kids because the parents will jump on the chance to get them out of the house for a couple more weeks. I'm also concerned about the legality of all of this, but I guess that isn't my problem.
They won't do work, because they know it's not being graded and half the kids aren't even going to be there which they will consider unfair. They are never going to listen to me lecture for six hours. Do I just get a bunch of board games and shit together? I was also instructed that I would need lesson plans in case the state asks what we were doing those days, which means I need 6 hours of content for 4 days (24 hours of content). I am an ELA teacher, not math, social studies or science.
I feel like telling them I just can't do it without another adult, but I know they're just going to say no one is available. They know I'm a single guy and have the free time, where as everyone else is going to claim they planned family trips and stuff. I DID sign up in the first place because I don't really have an "excuse," but I assumed we'd have at least a few periods.

This is my best guess as to why she broke up with me. I'm less heart broken as I'm just confused and don't know why in the first place. We dated for about 4 months. It was a little bit of a long distance relationship, 1 hr drive one way. But we were/are both very busy with work, kids, and both of us going back to school. Our days are packed. Yet we manage to text and call each other everyday. As far as I knew, it worked out. We would talk for hours, we had to make up excuses to end our phone calls. The sex was phenomenal. We both have kids, a house, and a car. I'm a little better off than she is but not drastically. She lives in a nice house in a rough neighborhood, I live in a rough house in a nice neighborhood.
Now to some of the weirdness. Maybe it's just that stereotypical "men don't understand women". She liked that I made more and during our dating, I paid for everything. Even treated her to a few nice things she never got to experience. I cooked real nice meals. I cleaned up. I doted on her when she was stressed and offered massages, that usually led to sex. She admitted she wanted someone to take care of her. So I was trying to do just that. Yet during the phone call when I realized she was breaking up. She didn't like that I never grew up POOR. I did to an extent, but not broken down and condemned mobile home or living out of a car poor. She almost gave a notion that she wants to continue living like that even. Not that she does now, but that's was she desires. I know, it's weird.
She often talked about Texas and where/how she grew up. I told her I appreciate her southern Texas strong girl attitude. I found it endearing, I'd also like to one day see where she grew up. I loved when her texan accent came out. Yet some how that was contentious. I wasn't Texan myself and just would never understand. She said Texan men dress a certain way. Even asked me to do so. So I did and she liked it, so I made note to always dress like that in front of her.
We both agreed to hold off on introducing the kids to one another. I felt that was OK. Yet, all she talked about was her kids. I would chime in and yet she got defensive about it one time. Worried about potential ww3, I more or less mentioned "omg your son is 17, he would have to sign up for the draft." It was a concerned thought on my end. She didn't like it nonetheless but didn't seem overly upset, just said her kids are off limits I apologized and made a mental note of it. She would still talk about her kids all the time though, no worries I just minded saying certain things.
Even up to the end. One day we planned to meet. She was a little hesitant to get together. She was going through a rough patch with some personal things. I was understanding so I didn't press it. She mentioned a friend was going out, I told her I would like for her to be with friends at least and have a good time. Just call me so I know she gets home safely. Which she did, and we talked for a solid hour at like 1am. It was that conversation in which she subtly very subtly said I should continue dating and try to date other girls. That was the hint. She was just going to not date anymore, and I should see other people. I said "but why I don't need to date. I'm dating you" to be honest I can be dense as a brick sometimes.
A few days later we have the actual talk about what's going on and she said it plainly then, we're done. She complained about a whole bunch of things that she used to like about me. I was just confused. It mainly was about money matters.
Like I said though, she wanted to be spoiled and taken care of. Which I guess I could only do so much. I don't make enough to just make all her troubles go away. But I also don't make too little that I could just drop everything and move in with her. Nor could i attempt to do so. Im in a decent neighborhood with a good school for my kid. She liked where she lives and didn't want to entertain moving near me, she did have to think about moving out of her house sooner than later. Even looked at apartments around her area. Which I understood, her split parenting situation is she needs to live where she lives. She can't do another court battle at the moment. Nor can I. But also, if she is just not going to date. She made it sound like she doesn't have time. Welll, we weren't exactly spending a lot of time together. Just every other weekend we would either meet up at my house or her house. For all intents and purposes, it was casual at best. Yet, I brought that up, just keeping things casual and, nope, we are done.
Dude, I really don't know. I'm motivated, going to school, hitting the gym, she liked my muscles. She would awkwardly say "I like your face" I dressed how she wanted me to. I cooked and cleaned for us when necessary. Gave her massages and would pamper her however I could. I paid for our nights out. We didnt see each other a lot so it wasnt like i was constantly feeding her attention and being overly submissive to her. I literally just don't get it. These were all good things then out of the blue, they were not. I'm heart broken, yet Moreso just confused by it all. It's literally like she flipped a switch and decided no she is done.

My mom passed away in April and I’m really trying to make sense of it. I’d never seen her sick a day in my life, unless you count her sensitive stomach and treatment for high blood pressure. Then she was gone as soon as we got her a proper diagnosis. It sounds like Mesenteric Ischemia is very easy to miss, and I was frantically looking for posts about it while she was in the hospital. So I thought I’d share this.
Mom started getting sick around Thanksgiving. By mid-December it was bad enough that she could not travel for Christmas. She thought she had a stomach virus and said she didn’t have the energy to pack or drive and didn’t trust her stomach for a 3 hour drive. She started eating smaller meals to manage the virus.
Mid-February was her first ER visit. She was admitted & stayed 2 nights. Diagnosis was severe dehydration. Her white blood cell count was high, liver and kidneys ‘wacky’. She was nauseated, lethargic, foggy brain. CT examined her head, “every organ”. They did an ultrasound and told her it was not an organ. She was eating full meals by the time she was released.
One of the doctors at the ER asked her why she was there. He really treated her as though she was overreacting, and likely made her hesitate to seek care any more urgently, despite her decline.
After release she was told her blood sugar levels were high. She was diagnosed with hypokalemia (low potassium). She started working on a pre-diabetic diet but remained nauseated.
Mid-March a CT scan showed hiatal hernia and infection of some kind. She was dehydrated again. She hired someone for at-home IV treatments. She was drinking bone broth and drinks with electrolytes. A stool sample showed good results & her dr scheduled more blood tests. She had lost 25-30 lbs by this point.
Her dr scheduled an upper GI and colonoscopy for May 1st to look for ulcers, hernia. Blood test confirmed elevated white blood cells are caused by an infection and they’ve ruled out cancer.
April 1 – Dr told her she had stomach ulcers. After colonoscopy and endoscopy the dr is worried about blood flow to stomach. After a CT scan, she is referred to a vascular surgeon. They will do an ultrasound and consultation.
April 9 – Biopsies from colonoscopy are clear. Dr diagnosed clogged arteries around the stomach. Mesenteric Ischemia diagnosis. Scheduled an appointment to insert stents or look to bypass surgery.
April 10 – Admitted to ER for failure to thrive. TPN set up for nutrition. Plan is to build up her strength for the surgery.
April 13 – Dr ordered Xray to check for a possible bowel obstruction, lactic acid test to look for dead tissue / sepsis, hemoglobin test to check for internal bleeding. Mom has upper GI pain & cannot control her bowels. Very weak, unable to get up & down from bed on her own.
April 14 – Bowel obstruction found, ordering another x ray before deciding how to proceed. Backing off meals but keeping TPN, in order to let her stomach rest. (she was barely touching her food at all). Since bloodwork looks ok they think it could resolve itself.
April 15 – Dr says vitals are good, sugar levels are good. Surgery delayed, not because she is too weak but because she seems better. (I think this info was relayed to me wrong). They assured us waiting will not cause permanent damage to organs or tissue. Blood flow “looks better” and they “aren’t even sure it’s a blockage” now. Mom was able to do PT and OT but was extremely weak after. Surgeon impressed with cognition.
April 16 – Mom was in a lot of pain, and they thought it was from the PT & OT exertion. CT scan came back once again confirming the bowel obstruction. Intestines are dilated. Keeping TPN, antibiotics added to IV. Ordered another CT scan & fasting (other than TPN). Blood pressure was up & down all day. Feet swelling for the first time. Abdomen expanding to a degree my cousin noticed from her bedside.
April 17 –In the middle of the night she became unresponsive. Dr found her stomach full of blood. Her esophagus tore where it meets her stomach due to weak tissue. Her stomach was full of blood. She’s too weak for stents or bypass and will not regain strength without that. Dr thinks at this point her body is infected from bowel perforations & cannot heal

Hey, Healthy Gamers! I hope y’all are having a great day. I have been going through Dr. K’s ADHD Module, as well as his resource pack. He has some great videos on loneliness and communication that I thought were really good. I think for communication and small talk, Dr. K’s driving theme of showing interest in other people is THE best rule in creating small talk.
I am deaf with a Cochlear Implant. Even with bionic hearing, I only have maybe half of one ear, and my other ear is completely deaf. However, I have a college degree, have been able to work in customer service roles, and have had great conversations with a wide range of people in a wide range of places. I talked to a corrections officer from Wisconisn in Paris. I have also talked to credit card processors in Chicago. The number 1 way I have had small conversations is by asking questions about other people. I know Dr. K isn’t a fan of asking about other people’s work. But I have found that work makes a big part of who they are, and more often than not, if you show genuine interest in what they say and who they are, people really do open up about their work and lives.
But you have to show interest. In a way, my hearing disability makes this easy; my awareness of what people say depends if I am able to face them. I have see their lips; I have to lean forward a little. I cannot fake listening. So in a way, I have a leg up.
Of course, the hard part is, how do you start a conversation? You can’t just go, ‘Hey bro, what do you do?’ Or ‘Hey lady, what’s the best part of your job?’
Sometimes you just have to be open, and pleasant in demeanor, and people will start a conversation with you. But if you are alone, and you see the person next to you is alone, you can just ask, ‘Hey, it is a beautiful day, how was your day?’ Simple, starts a conversation, and they may (or may not) reply ‘Oh, my day was awesome, I sold the biggest jellyfish ever! How was your day?’ Then you can say, ‘Man, work was hard, but any day I can afford a pint, is a good day.’ maybe you say, ‘You sell jellyfish?!? I did not know that was a thing, plus I didn’t know there were jellyfish in Ohio!’
That is just one avenue. But it requires you to take advice from Dr. K and expand your awareness outside of yourself. A good thing about small talk at bars, or cafes, or even out at a social networking event, is a lot of the conversation is safe. Usually, people don’t get too deep and don’t expect you to either. It is a good way to get reps in on certain skills like: Breaking the ice, introducing yourself, and paying attention to people.
There are levels of communication. Small talk is a foundational skill that keeps the world moving. I know a lot of people hate it, but it really does produce social lubrication and can lead to deeper conversation. While I may not be great at other forms of communication (I am just learning how to utilize the phone, thank you subtitles!), that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be able to go farther.
I feel blessed for being able to communicate with people a basic level. It just requires one to pay attention to other people, and be brave to ask questions. And Dr. K does have some other great small talk ice breakers, ‘What is something you want to learn this year?’ ‘Do you have any awesome trips planned?’ ‘What do you think of the jellyfish mafia in Ohio?’ I have had good success talking about what other people do, but there is a whole world to talk about.
Good Luck, Healthy Gamers!
I also used ai to help edit this post, any errors of writing are absolutely mine.