One night in chyna streeming
One Piece
2010.01.14 15:55 semizero One Piece
Welcome to OnePiece, the community for Eiichiro Oda's manga and anime series One Piece. From the East Blue to the New World, anything related to the world of One Piece belongs here! If you've just set sail with the Straw Hat Pirates, be wary of spoilers on this subreddit!
2014.11.19 17:54 WalleB Starterpacks
Home of starterpacks!
2012.01.24 03:37 One Direction
Vas happenin’? You’ve made it to OneDirection where we discuss anything and everything related to 1D & each of the guys’ solo careers! Think of us as a one stop shop 🍌🥑🐓🥄☘️
2024.05.14 06:07 GamingHearts1 Sega Saturn- 30 Years Later
 | https://preview.redd.it/d6sn3qltgb0d1.jpg?width=1528&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fdf3b4a3fc017640f9a6ebe28a3126cd7489968 submitted by GamingHearts1 to u/GamingHearts1 [link] [comments] The Sega Saturn is quite possibly one of the most overlooked game system of the 90’s decade. The Saturn console was Sega’s fifth generation console which succeeded the Sega Genesis which came out back in August 1989. The Saga Saturn was initially released in Japan during November 1994 and started appearing in retailers around the world in 1995. The Saturn console was Sega’s first and only 32-bit game system which ended up being overshadowed in American markets due to the popularity of Sony’s PlayStation console. The original PlayStation console also came out in late ’94 and started to become popular in America from ’95 onwards. The PS1 had more high profile third party games than the Sega Saturn did which is why it dominated during the mid to late 90’s. When the Sega Saturn was first released it was priced roughly around $399 which is actually a lot of money by today’s standards. The release price for the PS1 was around $299 in America but the quality was not quite as good compared to the Sega Saturn. While the PS1 was plagued with lengthy loading times the Sega Saturn rarely had that issue. The Sega Saturn was also a console that did not have any memorable first party video games. When you think about games on the Sega Saturn titles like Nights Into Dreams and Sonic Jam comes to mind. Almost, everything else that stood out on the Sega Saturn were mainly just third party games. But when it came down to running 2D arcade fighting games like X-Men vs Street Fighter from ’96 the Sega Saturn was far better than the PS1. Both X-Men vs Street Fighter along with its ’97 successor Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter looked perfect on Sega Saturn; while the PS1 version of each game was heavily butchered due to the consoles memory limitations. The Sega Saturn hardly had any 3D games that anyone would care about and was clearly less popular than the Sega Genesis or Dreamcast. Unfortunately, the Saturn console was considered to be the awkward middle child of Sega’s console family. The Saturn came out during a time when competition within the console wars began to increase which prevented it from achieving more success than it could have. Despite, not being heavily promoted in countries like America it managed to sell over 9.2 million units worldwide during its life cycle. |
2024.05.14 06:06 No-Recipe-8294 Was I an mkultra/ human trafficking subject in the 90s and 2000s?
Chapter one
How do memories look for you? Like flashes? Clear as day? Can you remember?
I can. I can see things so clearly. I can hear things so clearly. I can remember. But only as flashes.
I’m listening to Cathy O’Briens book and she says write. Do not speak.
Even now I don’t think it’s the same as typing.
I plan to get a notebook specifically for my memory. It’s strange. Like vomit. All mingled and mixed. And out of order. And “this memory” makes me think of “this memory.” And “this happened” but then before “this happened”. And I wish I could talk to someone but then also I’m glad I’m not. Cause what if they lead me astray. What if they make me believe it never happened.
This piece will be out of order. And for that forgive me. I want so badly to be cohesive and coherent but I’m afraid everything is jingled together.
Even now I have so much to say. The parkway. The basement at the elementary. The send off. The moving. The sexuality. They darkness. The depression. The dancing. The curiosity. The principal. Hiding under the desk. The gifted program. The dancing. The willingness. The ducks. The parties. The men. The lamp. Sergio. The face touch. The blood. The penthouse. The club. The drinks. The promises. The moments. The warnings. The desires. The memories. The tattoo. The dildos. The performance. The chat rooms. The meet ups. The hospital visits. The blood stains. The positions. The rooms. The timing. The willingness. The stretching. The exam. The scared nights. The scary movies. The drunken adults. The lumber jacks. The cia. Rox. The satanic worship. The rape of him. The unknown history of my family. The wealthy in Georgetown. The dress up. The music. The handball. The four square. The singing. The dancing. The sodomites. The teachers. The screams. The need for me. The desire for me. The bartenders. The p’mers. The stomach aches. The separation. The piss. The dark. The bath. The blue outfit. The men. The bus ride. The taxi ride. The train. The massage parlor. The neighbor. The chat rooms. The men. The parkway. The basement. The hallway. The grandparents. The crib. The dreams. The screams. The fear. The bus. The bubbles. The drinks. The cops. The piercings. The drives.
Nothing happened to me ever. I was never molested. I was never raped. I was never taken advantage of. I was protected from everything and anything.
However, by the time I was 16, I was heavily and deeply knowledgeable and accustomed to just about any and everything sexually in any and all parts of my body and also more than willing.
And I had tried committing suicide 3 times and lived with chronic stomach issues for the majority of my child hood.
For what reason I have no memory.
Cathy says to write. Write and your brain will think logically. And you will remember.
There’s so much, I don’t know where to start or what to write about. It’s different on a phone cause I can go back and add or re word and re order. I’m doing this tonight cause I don’t have a notepad. But it’s all out of order on paper and in my head. But if I write, even if out of order, maybe I’ll remember. I don’t even know why I’m posting.
But I have to unravel it. Beginning to end or not in order. There’s a lot of clarity but not a lot of memory.
And how and why does that make sense? It doesn’t.
So forgive me for this blog, for it will more than likely weave a tale that doesn’t make sense and is probably not true.
Or is that my alter telling me I will never remember. Cathy O’Brien says write. And I will.
Was I an mkultra/ human trafficking subject in the 90s and 2000s?
I hope to find an answer.
submitted by No-Recipe-8294 to MKUltra [link] [comments]
How do memories look for you? Like flashes? Clear as day? Can you remember?
I can. I can see things so clearly. I can hear things so clearly. I can remember. But only as flashes.
I’m listening to Cathy O’Briens book and she says write. Do not speak.
Even now I don’t think it’s the same as typing.
I plan to get a notebook specifically for my memory. It’s strange. Like vomit. All mingled and mixed. And out of order. And “this memory” makes me think of “this memory.” And “this happened” but then before “this happened”. And I wish I could talk to someone but then also I’m glad I’m not. Cause what if they lead me astray. What if they make me believe it never happened.
This piece will be out of order. And for that forgive me. I want so badly to be cohesive and coherent but I’m afraid everything is jingled together.
Even now I have so much to say. The parkway. The basement at the elementary. The send off. The moving. The sexuality. They darkness. The depression. The dancing. The curiosity. The principal. Hiding under the desk. The gifted program. The dancing. The willingness. The ducks. The parties. The men. The lamp. Sergio. The face touch. The blood. The penthouse. The club. The drinks. The promises. The moments. The warnings. The desires. The memories. The tattoo. The dildos. The performance. The chat rooms. The meet ups. The hospital visits. The blood stains. The positions. The rooms. The timing. The willingness. The stretching. The exam. The scared nights. The scary movies. The drunken adults. The lumber jacks. The cia. Rox. The satanic worship. The rape of him. The unknown history of my family. The wealthy in Georgetown. The dress up. The music. The handball. The four square. The singing. The dancing. The sodomites. The teachers. The screams. The need for me. The desire for me. The bartenders. The p’mers. The stomach aches. The separation. The piss. The dark. The bath. The blue outfit. The men. The bus ride. The taxi ride. The train. The massage parlor. The neighbor. The chat rooms. The men. The parkway. The basement. The hallway. The grandparents. The crib. The dreams. The screams. The fear. The bus. The bubbles. The drinks. The cops. The piercings. The drives.
Nothing happened to me ever. I was never molested. I was never raped. I was never taken advantage of. I was protected from everything and anything.
However, by the time I was 16, I was heavily and deeply knowledgeable and accustomed to just about any and everything sexually in any and all parts of my body and also more than willing.
And I had tried committing suicide 3 times and lived with chronic stomach issues for the majority of my child hood.
For what reason I have no memory.
Cathy says to write. Write and your brain will think logically. And you will remember.
There’s so much, I don’t know where to start or what to write about. It’s different on a phone cause I can go back and add or re word and re order. I’m doing this tonight cause I don’t have a notepad. But it’s all out of order on paper and in my head. But if I write, even if out of order, maybe I’ll remember. I don’t even know why I’m posting.
But I have to unravel it. Beginning to end or not in order. There’s a lot of clarity but not a lot of memory.
And how and why does that make sense? It doesn’t.
So forgive me for this blog, for it will more than likely weave a tale that doesn’t make sense and is probably not true.
Or is that my alter telling me I will never remember. Cathy O’Brien says write. And I will.
Was I an mkultra/ human trafficking subject in the 90s and 2000s?
I hope to find an answer.
2024.05.14 06:06 shootyashotyaaay I, a 33 year old lifelong screw up, got into one of the best law schools in the country today
I'm not sure if this kind of post is allowed here and I'm sorry for the rant, but I'm the kind of person who feels shitty about making a big deal out of my achievements to the people in my life, so i thought I'd shout it into the void and probably delete it later.
In 2016, i was 26, working at my local liquor store, struggling to make ends meet. Nothing wrong with the retail life - i respect the shit out of anyone who can take it for longer than i did - but i was miserable. I decided to try to do better for myself and the world around me.
I craigslisted and linkedin'd my way into a marketing job, satisfying the "better for myself" part, at least. I worked my way up for six years. I was happy and comfortable, but i decided i couldn't continue to work away at nothing that mattered while ignoring everything that was happening outside my window. I took the LSATs (not well, but well right) and applied to law schools around the country, hoping to become a public defender or a small time civil rights lawyer. I picked the one that gave me the best scholarship and moved with my incredible wife and my cats across the country.
I should clarify at this point that i am in many ways the antithesis of the classic type A, hustle culture law school archetype. I am, to most of my friends and daily, a starry-eyed, longhaired hippie who smokes too much weed and reads too much sci fi - but it turns out the only thing i hate more than working hard is the feeling that I'm squandering the gifts I've been given in this life.
All that is to say that the last two years have been the hardest thing I've ever done - but in short, somehow, miraculously, my lackadaisical ass has absolutely fucking crushed it at every turn. As a result, i ended up in a position i never expected. The law school universe and the legal job market is insanely old school and hierarchical, and a lot of people told me it wasn't worth it to start this process if i couldn't get into a top ranked school. Transferring from the school i got into to one of those schools requires being in the top 10% of your class, and then some. I never hoped that would be an option for me - i just wanted to do well enough to keep my scholarship, find a job, and start making a difference. I was encouraged by a mentor to expand my expectations - to see if i could climb the shitty, arbitrary power ladder with an eye towards opening up more opportunities to do more of the kind of good i always talked about.
Today, at the age of 33, i got accepted as a transfer to a "top 14" law school -- the kind that means I'm gonna be able to use my degree and my skills to help people, and maybe, hopefully, not just a few people on the front lines of a fucked up system, but a lot of people, in a structural way. I know a lot of people hate lawyers for a lot of good reasons, and that many of the lawyers people hate start out with the best intentions - but all i can do is try to climb as high as i can and keep my eyes open while i try to be one of the exceptions.
I see a lot of shit on the internet about remembering when you dreamed of what you have right now. Eight years ago, i couldn't have conceived of this path for myself. I've spent so much of my life, so many sleepless nights, remembering all the missed opportunities and things I've done wrong. I'm so glad i found a way not to let that past define me - that i didnt settle for less without trying, one more time, for real and with all that i had, to see if i was capable of more.
I'm so fucking proud of myself, guys, and so excited for the road ahead. I hope if you're wondering about taking a leap, you take it, so that you can feel this way, too - because holy shit, if my ass can do it, so can you.
submitted by shootyashotyaaay to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
In 2016, i was 26, working at my local liquor store, struggling to make ends meet. Nothing wrong with the retail life - i respect the shit out of anyone who can take it for longer than i did - but i was miserable. I decided to try to do better for myself and the world around me.
I craigslisted and linkedin'd my way into a marketing job, satisfying the "better for myself" part, at least. I worked my way up for six years. I was happy and comfortable, but i decided i couldn't continue to work away at nothing that mattered while ignoring everything that was happening outside my window. I took the LSATs (not well, but well right) and applied to law schools around the country, hoping to become a public defender or a small time civil rights lawyer. I picked the one that gave me the best scholarship and moved with my incredible wife and my cats across the country.
I should clarify at this point that i am in many ways the antithesis of the classic type A, hustle culture law school archetype. I am, to most of my friends and daily, a starry-eyed, longhaired hippie who smokes too much weed and reads too much sci fi - but it turns out the only thing i hate more than working hard is the feeling that I'm squandering the gifts I've been given in this life.
All that is to say that the last two years have been the hardest thing I've ever done - but in short, somehow, miraculously, my lackadaisical ass has absolutely fucking crushed it at every turn. As a result, i ended up in a position i never expected. The law school universe and the legal job market is insanely old school and hierarchical, and a lot of people told me it wasn't worth it to start this process if i couldn't get into a top ranked school. Transferring from the school i got into to one of those schools requires being in the top 10% of your class, and then some. I never hoped that would be an option for me - i just wanted to do well enough to keep my scholarship, find a job, and start making a difference. I was encouraged by a mentor to expand my expectations - to see if i could climb the shitty, arbitrary power ladder with an eye towards opening up more opportunities to do more of the kind of good i always talked about.
Today, at the age of 33, i got accepted as a transfer to a "top 14" law school -- the kind that means I'm gonna be able to use my degree and my skills to help people, and maybe, hopefully, not just a few people on the front lines of a fucked up system, but a lot of people, in a structural way. I know a lot of people hate lawyers for a lot of good reasons, and that many of the lawyers people hate start out with the best intentions - but all i can do is try to climb as high as i can and keep my eyes open while i try to be one of the exceptions.
I see a lot of shit on the internet about remembering when you dreamed of what you have right now. Eight years ago, i couldn't have conceived of this path for myself. I've spent so much of my life, so many sleepless nights, remembering all the missed opportunities and things I've done wrong. I'm so glad i found a way not to let that past define me - that i didnt settle for less without trying, one more time, for real and with all that i had, to see if i was capable of more.
I'm so fucking proud of myself, guys, and so excited for the road ahead. I hope if you're wondering about taking a leap, you take it, so that you can feel this way, too - because holy shit, if my ass can do it, so can you.
2024.05.14 06:05 MorriganRaee cmoing out advice
I've been wrestling with the best way to come out to my friend and would love some input from all the lovely people in this subreddit <3
So, for context, I am 21, have been tranisitioning medically for well over a year now, and have been generally passing quite well.
Now, I met my closest friend from being housemates with her last year, which was my second year of uni and her last year. She graduated and moved back to her country, but we still talk and play games for hours each night. She does not know that I'm trans, but knows that I love generally to do makeup and most of my clothes are from the women's side. She also knows that I have been lasering my face. She knows that I exist in online spaces as female (voice included) and actually goes along with it so well, has never misgendered me online or even messed up my name irl when i poliety gave her a new name to use for me, abeit a shortened, feminine nickname. We've done makeovers and photoshoots and just overall done "girly" things together with no issues. She did ask me if I was gay one time but I said that I am not because even though I am gay (lesbian) I know she meant am I a gay men.
I never came out to her before because honestly I never thought we would become so close and stay friends for so long to the point where she has actually brought a ticket and will be staying with me for two weeks during my graduation. The need to come out never really happened and I was happy with how things were so I never saw the point in telling her, like I can present completely femme, use a female voice and she uses the right name for me.
In the time that she left the country, I doubled my dose of E which is when the majority of changes, including me being able to pass as a cis woman have happened. I'm at the point where most people in my life know me as a woman, and I would like to come out to her.
The only reason I'm a bit nervous is that she may not actually view me as a woman. I know that she is completely fine with people being gay/trans or just queer in general but I need more than that, I need her to view me as a woman and use the correct pronouns and everything for me. She's said a few things before such as not accepting trans people as their correct gender until they actually start to tranisition medically which make me think that she may accept me and being trans but not view me as a woman.
Now, of course I don't want people in my life who cannot view me as a woman (in fact I recently cut off one of closests friends for this reason) but I really hate argueing and really enjoy her being my friend, It's almost like a sort of if it aint broke then dont fix it sorta thing, because I have pretty much everything I could want considering im not out to her but I also think being out would help explain some things such as boobs when she comes. Overall I'd just love for her to accept me fully as a woman, and to be honest not that much really needs to change in our friendship and I generally feel like she treats me like one anyway but for some of the reasons I mentioned earlier I'm just kinda nervous and think it may be smart to have some extra talking points for when I do tell her with how some of the things that she says can be problematic sometimes.
I really hope this made sense, my brain feels very scattered currently during the last week of my uni and honestly typing this out made me feel like I am 15 again, confused about identity and pretty much all things trans as well as how to come out to people in my life at the time.
submitted by MorriganRaee to MtF [link] [comments]
So, for context, I am 21, have been tranisitioning medically for well over a year now, and have been generally passing quite well.
Now, I met my closest friend from being housemates with her last year, which was my second year of uni and her last year. She graduated and moved back to her country, but we still talk and play games for hours each night. She does not know that I'm trans, but knows that I love generally to do makeup and most of my clothes are from the women's side. She also knows that I have been lasering my face. She knows that I exist in online spaces as female (voice included) and actually goes along with it so well, has never misgendered me online or even messed up my name irl when i poliety gave her a new name to use for me, abeit a shortened, feminine nickname. We've done makeovers and photoshoots and just overall done "girly" things together with no issues. She did ask me if I was gay one time but I said that I am not because even though I am gay (lesbian) I know she meant am I a gay men.
I never came out to her before because honestly I never thought we would become so close and stay friends for so long to the point where she has actually brought a ticket and will be staying with me for two weeks during my graduation. The need to come out never really happened and I was happy with how things were so I never saw the point in telling her, like I can present completely femme, use a female voice and she uses the right name for me.
In the time that she left the country, I doubled my dose of E which is when the majority of changes, including me being able to pass as a cis woman have happened. I'm at the point where most people in my life know me as a woman, and I would like to come out to her.
The only reason I'm a bit nervous is that she may not actually view me as a woman. I know that she is completely fine with people being gay/trans or just queer in general but I need more than that, I need her to view me as a woman and use the correct pronouns and everything for me. She's said a few things before such as not accepting trans people as their correct gender until they actually start to tranisition medically which make me think that she may accept me and being trans but not view me as a woman.
Now, of course I don't want people in my life who cannot view me as a woman (in fact I recently cut off one of closests friends for this reason) but I really hate argueing and really enjoy her being my friend, It's almost like a sort of if it aint broke then dont fix it sorta thing, because I have pretty much everything I could want considering im not out to her but I also think being out would help explain some things such as boobs when she comes. Overall I'd just love for her to accept me fully as a woman, and to be honest not that much really needs to change in our friendship and I generally feel like she treats me like one anyway but for some of the reasons I mentioned earlier I'm just kinda nervous and think it may be smart to have some extra talking points for when I do tell her with how some of the things that she says can be problematic sometimes.
I really hope this made sense, my brain feels very scattered currently during the last week of my uni and honestly typing this out made me feel like I am 15 again, confused about identity and pretty much all things trans as well as how to come out to people in my life at the time.
2024.05.14 06:05 Cautious-You2906 Manipulative Roomies
Okay so, this will probably be long so buckle in.
About a month and a half ago a friend of mine, we'll call them K. K recently found out that the apartment they had been staying in wasn't going to be renewing their lease and if they didn't move their things by the end of day that the landlord would be starting the eviction process. As someone who has faced houselessness before, I offered to hold some of their stuff at my place temporarily and get them to the hotel they would be staying at until they could move into their new place. No biggie right? Wrong. After helping them move their stuff and getting them to the hotel, they stayed in communication with them so we could help them move the stuff from our house to their new place, and the day before they were supposed to move they got let known that they opted to go with another rental applicant instead. K and their partner, who we'll call J, started really panicking about having to keep paying for a motel without on paper jobs and unreliable income. Keep in mind I actively live in a low income complex myself and, cannot have guests, for more than 14 days at a time according to my lease. J had just gotten a lead on a job closer to my house so I offered to let them stay for the 14 day limit I'm allowed to have guests, so that they could get a paycheck in and be able to go to a cheaper motel close by to their job. Another thing they agreed to was making sure that there was no evidence of them staying in my house, and that they had to be gone during the inspection window m-f from 8am to 5pm. I know, I'm probably going to be told more than once how stupid this is or I am, but I need to vent about this before I lose my mind more than I have already.
Carrying on, my partner is working at the same place as J, so J had a reliable ride to this job. My first red flag with J was that J used almost all of their points within their first week at the new job for a myriad of reasons. First time was because K didn't feel good and didn't want to be left home alone. Fine. I thought it was really ignorant to start off on the wrong foot with a new job but whatever. Second time was because J didn't have lunch to take to work and can't work on an empty stomach. After this absence J explained to their boss that they were struggling to work on an empty stomach, so boss agrees to reach out to a local food bank to get some lunches packed for J and my partner for work every day so they don't have to work on empty stomachs every day until they start getting paid. J declined bosses offer because they didn't want the food pantry food offered to them. Third time J doesn't go in is yet again for K not feeling good and convincing J to stay home. Well , and today we found out at the last minute before they were supposed to be at work that J had been fired for accepting an overtime shift on Saturday and then no call no showing that shift. J had been at this job less than 3 weeks. Which is 1 week longer than I agreed to. Here's the kicker, I live with and care for a disabled woman who has very very severe anxiety, and K & J keep going behind my back to talk to her and lie about things they'll do for her to keep being allowed to stay here. And I'm going to bullet point all of the just outright shitty things these people have done since they got here, and before anyone tells me to make them leave; involving the cops is out of the question as it risks our housing, and they should be gone in the next couple of days.
-they have harassed me over cannabis since the day we helped them move their things. I live in a recreational state but consume for medical purposes.
-they have repeatedly paid back other people that they owe money instead of me or my partner and admitted that to our faces
-they keep 'accidentally' mixing my partners clothes with theirs and then wearing them in front of me. Keep in mind they're a, size small and my partner wears a 3x there's no confusing their shirts
-I have a deep freezer that I've been working hard to stockpile since covid hid and inflation has made grocery shopping so hard, and they've eaten every single thing out of my deep freezer.
-they have raided my entire pantry as well.
-they've thrown out my leftovers without asking me because they themselves don't eat leftovers
-they switched their visitations with their child from 4 hours on Tuesday nights to entire weekends without asking
-they took my partners special broth he had bought specifically to make something, opened it, and didn't even read the packaging, put it open back into my cabinet and it molded. Im allergic to mold :
-they've been asked repeatedly not to knock on my doors after my bedtime hours because my partner works early mornings and has a hard time sleeping; then proceed to message me one time and wait precisely 0.2 seconds for a response and then knock on my door anyways.
-they use my shower and leave hair, clog my drain, and don't ask anyone if they have to use the bathroom before they use it to shower for over an hour. I have also repeatedly asked them not to leave their dirty clothes on my bathroom floor and they won't.
-they argued about having to leave for the inspections and promised they would help clean during them and then stayed in the area they weren't allowed to be in for every day of the inspections and didn't do anything they said they would do.
-they keep having blowout fights in my basement and as I already stated the woman I care for has severe clinical anxiety. She did agree to this arrangement but I guess it's true that even if you think you know someone you really don't till you live with them.
-K has been smoking my cigarettes for days and doesn't replace them but won't buy their own pack
-they've been asked not to come upstairs unless it's to use the bathroom (not shower) during our quiet hours and they won't stop doing that either.
I'm sure there's more I'm missing but I'll answer any questions about it I guess. These people have gotten me so stressed out that my stress induced seizures, that I've had under control for over a year now have come back with a, vengeance and are happening almost every day, I'm getting migraines with aura, my hair is falling out in clumps, and another stress induced ailment I deal with is ALSO flaring up because of the stress. Don't need advice or anything just wanted to vent how frustrated I am 🥲
submitted by Cautious-You2906 to badroommates [link] [comments]
About a month and a half ago a friend of mine, we'll call them K. K recently found out that the apartment they had been staying in wasn't going to be renewing their lease and if they didn't move their things by the end of day that the landlord would be starting the eviction process. As someone who has faced houselessness before, I offered to hold some of their stuff at my place temporarily and get them to the hotel they would be staying at until they could move into their new place. No biggie right? Wrong. After helping them move their stuff and getting them to the hotel, they stayed in communication with them so we could help them move the stuff from our house to their new place, and the day before they were supposed to move they got let known that they opted to go with another rental applicant instead. K and their partner, who we'll call J, started really panicking about having to keep paying for a motel without on paper jobs and unreliable income. Keep in mind I actively live in a low income complex myself and, cannot have guests, for more than 14 days at a time according to my lease. J had just gotten a lead on a job closer to my house so I offered to let them stay for the 14 day limit I'm allowed to have guests, so that they could get a paycheck in and be able to go to a cheaper motel close by to their job. Another thing they agreed to was making sure that there was no evidence of them staying in my house, and that they had to be gone during the inspection window m-f from 8am to 5pm. I know, I'm probably going to be told more than once how stupid this is or I am, but I need to vent about this before I lose my mind more than I have already.
Carrying on, my partner is working at the same place as J, so J had a reliable ride to this job. My first red flag with J was that J used almost all of their points within their first week at the new job for a myriad of reasons. First time was because K didn't feel good and didn't want to be left home alone. Fine. I thought it was really ignorant to start off on the wrong foot with a new job but whatever. Second time was because J didn't have lunch to take to work and can't work on an empty stomach. After this absence J explained to their boss that they were struggling to work on an empty stomach, so boss agrees to reach out to a local food bank to get some lunches packed for J and my partner for work every day so they don't have to work on empty stomachs every day until they start getting paid. J declined bosses offer because they didn't want the food pantry food offered to them. Third time J doesn't go in is yet again for K not feeling good and convincing J to stay home. Well , and today we found out at the last minute before they were supposed to be at work that J had been fired for accepting an overtime shift on Saturday and then no call no showing that shift. J had been at this job less than 3 weeks. Which is 1 week longer than I agreed to. Here's the kicker, I live with and care for a disabled woman who has very very severe anxiety, and K & J keep going behind my back to talk to her and lie about things they'll do for her to keep being allowed to stay here. And I'm going to bullet point all of the just outright shitty things these people have done since they got here, and before anyone tells me to make them leave; involving the cops is out of the question as it risks our housing, and they should be gone in the next couple of days.
-they have harassed me over cannabis since the day we helped them move their things. I live in a recreational state but consume for medical purposes.
-they have repeatedly paid back other people that they owe money instead of me or my partner and admitted that to our faces
-they keep 'accidentally' mixing my partners clothes with theirs and then wearing them in front of me. Keep in mind they're a, size small and my partner wears a 3x there's no confusing their shirts
-I have a deep freezer that I've been working hard to stockpile since covid hid and inflation has made grocery shopping so hard, and they've eaten every single thing out of my deep freezer.
-they have raided my entire pantry as well.
-they've thrown out my leftovers without asking me because they themselves don't eat leftovers
-they switched their visitations with their child from 4 hours on Tuesday nights to entire weekends without asking
-they took my partners special broth he had bought specifically to make something, opened it, and didn't even read the packaging, put it open back into my cabinet and it molded. Im allergic to mold :
-they've been asked repeatedly not to knock on my doors after my bedtime hours because my partner works early mornings and has a hard time sleeping; then proceed to message me one time and wait precisely 0.2 seconds for a response and then knock on my door anyways.
-they use my shower and leave hair, clog my drain, and don't ask anyone if they have to use the bathroom before they use it to shower for over an hour. I have also repeatedly asked them not to leave their dirty clothes on my bathroom floor and they won't.
-they argued about having to leave for the inspections and promised they would help clean during them and then stayed in the area they weren't allowed to be in for every day of the inspections and didn't do anything they said they would do.
-they keep having blowout fights in my basement and as I already stated the woman I care for has severe clinical anxiety. She did agree to this arrangement but I guess it's true that even if you think you know someone you really don't till you live with them.
-K has been smoking my cigarettes for days and doesn't replace them but won't buy their own pack
-they've been asked not to come upstairs unless it's to use the bathroom (not shower) during our quiet hours and they won't stop doing that either.
I'm sure there's more I'm missing but I'll answer any questions about it I guess. These people have gotten me so stressed out that my stress induced seizures, that I've had under control for over a year now have come back with a, vengeance and are happening almost every day, I'm getting migraines with aura, my hair is falling out in clumps, and another stress induced ailment I deal with is ALSO flaring up because of the stress. Don't need advice or anything just wanted to vent how frustrated I am 🥲
2024.05.14 06:05 ain_neri if you’re a woman who likes bildungsromans and magical realism…
You should read “The Seas” by Samantha Hunt. I’m sad I have no one to talk about it with, but it was a really lovely and moving novel. Poetic prose.
It’s about a young woman who struggles with her absent father, unrequited love towards a veteran thirteen years her senior, and the belief that she’s a mermaid.
“There is a lot of this kind of sadness here. It slips in like the fog at night. The fog that creeps out of the ocean to survey the land that one day she thinks will eventually be hers.”
submitted by ain_neri to RSbookclub [link] [comments]
It’s about a young woman who struggles with her absent father, unrequited love towards a veteran thirteen years her senior, and the belief that she’s a mermaid.
“There is a lot of this kind of sadness here. It slips in like the fog at night. The fog that creeps out of the ocean to survey the land that one day she thinks will eventually be hers.”
2024.05.14 06:04 CalmRequirement953 45 [M4F] #online looking for my happily ever after
Hi there,
I’m looking for something serious, I’m looking for my best friend, my future wife, the person I hope to grow old with. I’m kind of at a point in my life where I’m open to lots of different ideas, like where should I move to (I work remotely so I can live most anywhere in the US). I love kids and if we’re on the same page maybe having one or two. Must love dogs! I’m about 6’ dad bod, no tattoos or piercings.
About you: I like a woman who can be girly or put on some hiking boots and go for a hike or jeans and go to a ball game, or get dressed up for a night out.
I’d love to have someone who loves going to concerts or the opera. Someone who loves to travel, someone who will balance out my cooking with their stuff, loves going to farmers markets and grocery stores. But can also have just as much fun staying at home with a movie or a show. Also must love Disney.
submitted by CalmRequirement953 to r4r [link] [comments]
I’m looking for something serious, I’m looking for my best friend, my future wife, the person I hope to grow old with. I’m kind of at a point in my life where I’m open to lots of different ideas, like where should I move to (I work remotely so I can live most anywhere in the US). I love kids and if we’re on the same page maybe having one or two. Must love dogs! I’m about 6’ dad bod, no tattoos or piercings.
About you: I like a woman who can be girly or put on some hiking boots and go for a hike or jeans and go to a ball game, or get dressed up for a night out.
I’d love to have someone who loves going to concerts or the opera. Someone who loves to travel, someone who will balance out my cooking with their stuff, loves going to farmers markets and grocery stores. But can also have just as much fun staying at home with a movie or a show. Also must love Disney.
2024.05.14 06:04 SwampRaiderTTU Point Omega/Week Two/Chapters: "Anonymity" and Ch. 1/pages 3-37 [Scribner edition]
The novel begins September 3, 2006, a Sunday. In "physical time," our reality, Andre Agassi played and lost his final match of his career. Steve Irwin, the croc hunter, would die the following day from a stingray's three barbed venomous spinal blades puncturing his heart. Senator Barak Obama was still denying he was intending to run for President (he would announce in February 2007.) The number 1 song in America and the UK is Sexyback by Justin Timberlake. Egypt warned of Palestinian terror attacks against Israelis vacationing in Sinai. Charlie Sheen turned 41. 200 Taliban are killed in a major battle in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Iraqi leaders announce the capture of the #2 leader of Al Qaeda. Europe's space agency purposely crash-lands a lunar probe into the moon.
In short, nothing, on balance seems to have happened in the world that has any particular world-historical or even US-historical import. Just a day. Even searching back 4 extra days from September 3 - since we are told that the man viewing the art installation is now on his fifth straight day in the museum - nothing all that *important* seems to have happened on any of those dates, the way saying a novel is starting on June 6, 1944, or (obviously) September 10, 2001, or July 16, 1945 or November 22, 1962 would be of course trying to tell us something.
Q: why is Delillo's purpose (is there one?) for telling us this specific date? Why is it important that the man is there on September 3, 2006 watching this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a31q2ZQcETw over and over.
Q: who is the man? Delillo himself? Just a random unnamed character? Is it definitely Finley and Elster who are the two men who come into the room? The description of the older man "long white hair braided at the nape" [p.7, Scribner] certainly seems to suggest it is Elster, described in Ch. 1 as a man "with silvery hair, as always, was braided down into a short ponytail." If it is definitely them, what does it mean they attended a museum show together? Anything?
This is not the first Delillo novel to open with a scene where a movie, and anonymous characters' responses to watching it, is central to the narrative - Players opens with a movie being shown on a plane that is basically a silent movie of a terrorist machine-gun attack on waspy golfers, only accompanied by a pianist (yes a pianist) in the airplane bar filling in the suspense with improvised show tunes - and it is not the first to open with an examination of an art installation - Underworld, after the fantastic baseball game section - opens at Klara Sax's airplane bomber art installation commune. But this opening seems to introduce two characters obliquely, and of course only if you've paid close attention to the description of Elster's hair could you think back to it being him, perhaps.
"The nature of the film permitted total concentration and also depended on it." "The less there was to see, the harder he looked, the more he saw." [p.5, Scribner]
Q:Who is this person watching and why should we care?
Q: Did the opening sequence provide you any insight other than , perhaps, confusion? Something other than "what the hell did I just read?" What? Does your reaction to the opening sequence change when you know (if you did before this post) that the Psycho installation was and is real?
Moving on to Chapter 1 [p. 17, Scribner], we learn that we are on Day 10 of a 12-day period of time that relates the initial relationship between Elster and Finley. Finley, who is probably in his early to mid-30s and 73-year-old Elster are spending time at Elster's house in the desert to record a one-take movie of Elster's testimony of what it was like to serve in an administration that went to war under less than honest circumstances.
Our narrator is Jim Finley, a documentary filmmaker who has made exactly one film about Jerry Lewis's telethon appearances - Lewis, a "rampaging comic" to whom Elster would merely be a "straight man." [p.27] Elster, who Finley also describes as "not a man who might make space for even the gentlest correction," [p.22] is a non-political theorist being brought in to an administration to provide narrative to their war. I've seen references to him being based on Paul Wolfowitz, the political scientists who became Deputy SecDef in the Bush II Administration who famously nearly swallowed his comb to wet it to comb his hair in an image that likely sealed his fate in D.C. as unserious and ridiculous who was then shuffled off to the World Bank, but would Delillo ape the man AND mention him in the narrative? If so, that seems clumsy.
Q: Do you even take Elster serious as a character or believable as a "brain" behind the narrative of an administration going to war? A man who speaks in bad koans and aphorisms like "Time becomes blind." [p.23] and who reads Louis Zukovsky into the night? (Zukovsky famously worked on an epic poem called "A" for over almost 50 years, finally finishing it a few years before his death in 1978.)
Finley tells us: "To Elster, sunset was human invention, our perceptual arrangement of light and space into elements of wonder." [p.18, Scribner]. Elster has come to the desert to seek - something - we know not what and are not told definitively - but his narrative of what his role was in Washington was to create a interpretation of the "closed world" for the "plotters, the strategists" [p. 28] and ends up delivering to Finley what I think Finley was after - the cynical idea that Elster was giving form and shape to the government's bullshit narrative - "The state has to lie. There is no lie in war or in preparation for war that can't be defended. We went beyond this. We tried to create new realities overnight, careful sets of words that resemble advertising slogans in memorability and repeatability."
Q: Is Elster ultimately right? Did the country have a "shadowy need" [p.34] for such a narrative? See, for instance: "Let's roll." [probably in reality, "Let's roll it" referring to a beverage cart to break into the cockpit.]
"Shock and awe." "Global War on Terror" "Slam dunk" "WMDs" "The Surge" And perhaps most infamously "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"
At the ends of the chapter, we get what counts as a cliffhanger in this slim novel: Elster's adult daughter would be coming for a visit, Jessie who was "otherworldly" [p. 36].
submitted by SwampRaiderTTU to DonDeLillo [link] [comments]
In short, nothing, on balance seems to have happened in the world that has any particular world-historical or even US-historical import. Just a day. Even searching back 4 extra days from September 3 - since we are told that the man viewing the art installation is now on his fifth straight day in the museum - nothing all that *important* seems to have happened on any of those dates, the way saying a novel is starting on June 6, 1944, or (obviously) September 10, 2001, or July 16, 1945 or November 22, 1962 would be of course trying to tell us something.
Q: why is Delillo's purpose (is there one?) for telling us this specific date? Why is it important that the man is there on September 3, 2006 watching this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a31q2ZQcETw over and over.
Q: who is the man? Delillo himself? Just a random unnamed character? Is it definitely Finley and Elster who are the two men who come into the room? The description of the older man "long white hair braided at the nape" [p.7, Scribner] certainly seems to suggest it is Elster, described in Ch. 1 as a man "with silvery hair, as always, was braided down into a short ponytail." If it is definitely them, what does it mean they attended a museum show together? Anything?
This is not the first Delillo novel to open with a scene where a movie, and anonymous characters' responses to watching it, is central to the narrative - Players opens with a movie being shown on a plane that is basically a silent movie of a terrorist machine-gun attack on waspy golfers, only accompanied by a pianist (yes a pianist) in the airplane bar filling in the suspense with improvised show tunes - and it is not the first to open with an examination of an art installation - Underworld, after the fantastic baseball game section - opens at Klara Sax's airplane bomber art installation commune. But this opening seems to introduce two characters obliquely, and of course only if you've paid close attention to the description of Elster's hair could you think back to it being him, perhaps.
"The nature of the film permitted total concentration and also depended on it." "The less there was to see, the harder he looked, the more he saw." [p.5, Scribner]
Q:Who is this person watching and why should we care?
Q: Did the opening sequence provide you any insight other than , perhaps, confusion? Something other than "what the hell did I just read?" What? Does your reaction to the opening sequence change when you know (if you did before this post) that the Psycho installation was and is real?
Moving on to Chapter 1 [p. 17, Scribner], we learn that we are on Day 10 of a 12-day period of time that relates the initial relationship between Elster and Finley. Finley, who is probably in his early to mid-30s and 73-year-old Elster are spending time at Elster's house in the desert to record a one-take movie of Elster's testimony of what it was like to serve in an administration that went to war under less than honest circumstances.
Our narrator is Jim Finley, a documentary filmmaker who has made exactly one film about Jerry Lewis's telethon appearances - Lewis, a "rampaging comic" to whom Elster would merely be a "straight man." [p.27] Elster, who Finley also describes as "not a man who might make space for even the gentlest correction," [p.22] is a non-political theorist being brought in to an administration to provide narrative to their war. I've seen references to him being based on Paul Wolfowitz, the political scientists who became Deputy SecDef in the Bush II Administration who famously nearly swallowed his comb to wet it to comb his hair in an image that likely sealed his fate in D.C. as unserious and ridiculous who was then shuffled off to the World Bank, but would Delillo ape the man AND mention him in the narrative? If so, that seems clumsy.
Q: Do you even take Elster serious as a character or believable as a "brain" behind the narrative of an administration going to war? A man who speaks in bad koans and aphorisms like "Time becomes blind." [p.23] and who reads Louis Zukovsky into the night? (Zukovsky famously worked on an epic poem called "A" for over almost 50 years, finally finishing it a few years before his death in 1978.)
Finley tells us: "To Elster, sunset was human invention, our perceptual arrangement of light and space into elements of wonder." [p.18, Scribner]. Elster has come to the desert to seek - something - we know not what and are not told definitively - but his narrative of what his role was in Washington was to create a interpretation of the "closed world" for the "plotters, the strategists" [p. 28] and ends up delivering to Finley what I think Finley was after - the cynical idea that Elster was giving form and shape to the government's bullshit narrative - "The state has to lie. There is no lie in war or in preparation for war that can't be defended. We went beyond this. We tried to create new realities overnight, careful sets of words that resemble advertising slogans in memorability and repeatability."
Q: Is Elster ultimately right? Did the country have a "shadowy need" [p.34] for such a narrative? See, for instance: "Let's roll." [probably in reality, "Let's roll it" referring to a beverage cart to break into the cockpit.]
"Shock and awe." "Global War on Terror" "Slam dunk" "WMDs" "The Surge" And perhaps most infamously "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques"
At the ends of the chapter, we get what counts as a cliffhanger in this slim novel: Elster's adult daughter would be coming for a visit, Jessie who was "otherworldly" [p. 36].
2024.05.14 06:04 foxlover93 F4A [Script Offer] Entering the Dreamscape with a Sand-Woman Guide [Monster Girl] [Sand-Person] [Sleep Aid] [Cuddling] [Guided Meditation] [Semi Hypnotic] [Hairplay] [Face Brushing]
"We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort." - Jesse Owens
*A Note; you MAY wish to include a small segment in your description or on the title card, informing the listener that there is no “wake” words and to avoid using heavy equipment or driving when listening to this audio. While this isn’t exactly a “Hypno” script, it does have hypnotic like relaxation. Of course, use your own discretion, but I figured I’d add the thought before getting too deep into the script*
This script is fine for public posting on platforms such as Youtube. Please ask permission before posting to Patreon or other paywalling sites
Hey guys!
I know I know - why you take so long to make scripts. It's been a bit of time and honestly with my work and life balance all out of whack, I've been in a creative funk. I've been lucky enough to slowly chip through this script bit by bit and honestly I've very pleased with the outcome! I hope you are all well. This was a fun little take on the idea of the "Sandman", but we all know behind a strong man is an even stronger woman. This was truly a fun little sleep audio to try and make, using some military style instructions to help force the body into a state in which it can at least sleep, followed by guided meditation and instructions to help make relaxing much easier
Onto the summary!:
Plagued by late nights, bad dreams and toxic thoughts, sleep seems to elude you around every turn. Late one night while doom scrolling, you fine yourself suddenly falling asleep and coming face to face with an unfamiliar monster girl; a Sand-Woman. She explains that she is there to help you with a deep meditative instruction and guided relaxation techniques to help improve quality of sleep and encourage easier sleeping. Will she be successful in her attempts? The sands of time slowly tick away as she gives it her all...
Entering the Dreamscape with a Sand-Woman Guide
If you like this script and want to see more of my SFW content, you can find my archive here and see all the other wonderful works I've created and the fills they have gathered!
If you are reading this, I hope your day is going well. If you are in dark times, just know that it can't rain for forever, and eventually the sun and moon will rise and set again. Stay strong and know you aren't alone out there.<3
submitted by foxlover93 to ASMRScriptHaven [link] [comments]
*A Note; you MAY wish to include a small segment in your description or on the title card, informing the listener that there is no “wake” words and to avoid using heavy equipment or driving when listening to this audio. While this isn’t exactly a “Hypno” script, it does have hypnotic like relaxation. Of course, use your own discretion, but I figured I’d add the thought before getting too deep into the script*
This script is fine for public posting on platforms such as Youtube. Please ask permission before posting to Patreon or other paywalling sites
Hey guys!
I know I know - why you take so long to make scripts. It's been a bit of time and honestly with my work and life balance all out of whack, I've been in a creative funk. I've been lucky enough to slowly chip through this script bit by bit and honestly I've very pleased with the outcome! I hope you are all well. This was a fun little take on the idea of the "Sandman", but we all know behind a strong man is an even stronger woman. This was truly a fun little sleep audio to try and make, using some military style instructions to help force the body into a state in which it can at least sleep, followed by guided meditation and instructions to help make relaxing much easier
Onto the summary!:
Plagued by late nights, bad dreams and toxic thoughts, sleep seems to elude you around every turn. Late one night while doom scrolling, you fine yourself suddenly falling asleep and coming face to face with an unfamiliar monster girl; a Sand-Woman. She explains that she is there to help you with a deep meditative instruction and guided relaxation techniques to help improve quality of sleep and encourage easier sleeping. Will she be successful in her attempts? The sands of time slowly tick away as she gives it her all...
Entering the Dreamscape with a Sand-Woman Guide
If you like this script and want to see more of my SFW content, you can find my archive here and see all the other wonderful works I've created and the fills they have gathered!
If you are reading this, I hope your day is going well. If you are in dark times, just know that it can't rain for forever, and eventually the sun and moon will rise and set again. Stay strong and know you aren't alone out there.<3
2024.05.14 06:03 nomoreming you stirred up a mcflurry in my heart
I had a situationship for a couple of months. I'm too old for this shit but it broke me inside out. I feel so empty. Devastated. Betrayed.
I met this guy online. He just came out of a long-term relationship and naiindintihan ko kung hindi pa siya ready magmahal ng ulit ng buo. Habang ako, never been in a relationship.
First few weeks, sweet na agad siya. About a month passed, he said he loves me. I only said I like him in return though. But I would thank him for making my days better. He made me feel so special. I felt seen. For the first time, finally.
Am I getting love bombed? Maybe he's just confused? Missing his ex? That's what I assumed.
Weeks passed again, I noticed he was getting distant. I had a hunch but I just shrugged it off. I trust him. I wouldn't jump into conclusions and wait for his explanation. He's probably just busy. I respect his personal time.
He was losing interest. I felt that but tried to deny it.
Hanggang wala nang chats. In another call. Online pero walang reply. I spent nights worrying if he was doing fine.
The once long sweet messages turned into a one-word reply. He went cold. Baka busy lang. Or may problem.
I asked him multiple times if he was okay. If we were okay. And he doesn't want to talk anymore, he could just let me know. He said I was only overthinking things.
I thought about asking if we should end 'us', instead of me waiting for him everyday, wondering what went wrong. Even though I like him a lot. At natutunan ko na siyang mahalin. Slowly.
Then the day finally came where he said it. That we should only stay as friends. Umiwas na lang daw siya because I gave him mixed signals. I couldn't reciprocate his feelings. I failed to give him assurance. He said I only made him feel like a friend. And rejected him too many times. I thought I was clear when I said I like him. Or maybe that wasn't enough.
Yes, I'm at fault, I admit it. Yun nga lang, for me, his love was too early. And we lacked communication. I failed to return his energy.
He's easy to love. He's a nice guy. He's got a warm personality. And I like him a lot. Perhaps I'm just emotionally unavailable. I remember telling him I'm still emotionally unstable though.
I also found out that he was already talking to another girl while still talking to me. My hunch was right. I felt betrayed. Still keeping me when there's already someone else.
I was in shock. I can't even eat without vomiting. Pati pagtulog. My body is upset.
I wonder how he felt nung time na hindi ko naiparamdam sa kanya na gusto ko din siya. I already apologized about that.
I feel so empty. Beyond sad.
Though I know we were bound to end due to our different perspectives about love, I was still in shock. All I could do was cry.
I had so many plans for us. I was saving up planning to fly to him and break the distance. Spend time with him even just for a few hours. I was only waiting for summer to end. But it won't happen. Not anymore.
People change. Feelings fade.
He wanted a fast-paced relationship while I wanted a slow-burn.
You see, we view love differently.
To me, love is like fire.
Falling in love too soon would only burn faster, just like how fire instantly turns dried leaves into ashes.
I wanted to take my time to know him deeper. All of his fears and desires. To be able to love him in the right ways he deserved. Sana.
I was still warming up to him during those times he said he loved me. To give him a love that lasts. I wanted to keep the fire burning for the both of us. Sana.
Despite everything, I still like him. I miss him. My baby.
He stirred up a mcflurry in my heart.
And maybe, just maybe, when the universe allows, I'd be able to find someone who shares the same values as I do.
I hope you don't mind the typos. I'm sick and sleep deprived.
And please, if ever, don't post this on social media. I just want to get this off my chest.
(I know I'm such a fool for gaslighting myself)
submitted by nomoreming to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]
I met this guy online. He just came out of a long-term relationship and naiindintihan ko kung hindi pa siya ready magmahal ng ulit ng buo. Habang ako, never been in a relationship.
First few weeks, sweet na agad siya. About a month passed, he said he loves me. I only said I like him in return though. But I would thank him for making my days better. He made me feel so special. I felt seen. For the first time, finally.
Am I getting love bombed? Maybe he's just confused? Missing his ex? That's what I assumed.
Weeks passed again, I noticed he was getting distant. I had a hunch but I just shrugged it off. I trust him. I wouldn't jump into conclusions and wait for his explanation. He's probably just busy. I respect his personal time.
He was losing interest. I felt that but tried to deny it.
Hanggang wala nang chats. In another call. Online pero walang reply. I spent nights worrying if he was doing fine.
The once long sweet messages turned into a one-word reply. He went cold. Baka busy lang. Or may problem.
I asked him multiple times if he was okay. If we were okay. And he doesn't want to talk anymore, he could just let me know. He said I was only overthinking things.
I thought about asking if we should end 'us', instead of me waiting for him everyday, wondering what went wrong. Even though I like him a lot. At natutunan ko na siyang mahalin. Slowly.
Then the day finally came where he said it. That we should only stay as friends. Umiwas na lang daw siya because I gave him mixed signals. I couldn't reciprocate his feelings. I failed to give him assurance. He said I only made him feel like a friend. And rejected him too many times. I thought I was clear when I said I like him. Or maybe that wasn't enough.
Yes, I'm at fault, I admit it. Yun nga lang, for me, his love was too early. And we lacked communication. I failed to return his energy.
He's easy to love. He's a nice guy. He's got a warm personality. And I like him a lot. Perhaps I'm just emotionally unavailable. I remember telling him I'm still emotionally unstable though.
I also found out that he was already talking to another girl while still talking to me. My hunch was right. I felt betrayed. Still keeping me when there's already someone else.
I was in shock. I can't even eat without vomiting. Pati pagtulog. My body is upset.
I wonder how he felt nung time na hindi ko naiparamdam sa kanya na gusto ko din siya. I already apologized about that.
I feel so empty. Beyond sad.
Though I know we were bound to end due to our different perspectives about love, I was still in shock. All I could do was cry.
I had so many plans for us. I was saving up planning to fly to him and break the distance. Spend time with him even just for a few hours. I was only waiting for summer to end. But it won't happen. Not anymore.
People change. Feelings fade.
He wanted a fast-paced relationship while I wanted a slow-burn.
You see, we view love differently.
To me, love is like fire.
Falling in love too soon would only burn faster, just like how fire instantly turns dried leaves into ashes.
I wanted to take my time to know him deeper. All of his fears and desires. To be able to love him in the right ways he deserved. Sana.
I was still warming up to him during those times he said he loved me. To give him a love that lasts. I wanted to keep the fire burning for the both of us. Sana.
Despite everything, I still like him. I miss him. My baby.
He stirred up a mcflurry in my heart.
And maybe, just maybe, when the universe allows, I'd be able to find someone who shares the same values as I do.
I hope you don't mind the typos. I'm sick and sleep deprived.
And please, if ever, don't post this on social media. I just want to get this off my chest.
(I know I'm such a fool for gaslighting myself)
2024.05.14 06:03 HagridGranger 29 [M4F] Sydney/Anywhere - Inexperienced and shy boy searching for friends and (maybe) more!
Long story short and as much as it sucks to say, I haven't really experienced much of anything. I'm going to intentionally beat around the bush as to what category that "experience" falls under but I think most people should be able to figure it out lol. In other words (and if you play games), I'm a complete noob when it comes to all things girls. As for why those things haven't happened and why I want that to change.. There's a few reasons, but the main reason why I'm putting such an emphasis on this is because I'm a huge homebody and I don't go out much at all which makes it difficult to meet people. That's where Reddit comes in! The message I'm essentially trying to send is becoming physically and emotionally close with a girl is what I want the most. I want to experience it all; the laughs, excitement, curiosity, intimacy, hanging out, fun. Blame all the Disney movies I watched as a kid for that lol.
Finding someone would be a dream come true, but I'd love to find friends too if that's all you're looking for! Local or international, just let me know if that's what you want instead :) We could end up being really close friends and you'll introduce me to a friend who I end up being with? That may or may not be the plot from a romcom 🤔 So that means I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a relationship! I've obviously never been in one so I'm not exactly sure how to transition to that, haha. I totally wouldn't mind finding out, though :) Also someone to say good morning and night to, too. That would be the best even if it's incredibly cheesy.
Anyway, it could be someone with a lot of experience or someone with no experience like me, or introverted or not introverted, etc. I don't have a preference either way :) But if I were to be reaaally picky: they'd be sweet and down to earth because just cuddling on its own would be all kinds of cool. A bit about me: I'm shy, caring, kind, sweet and am normal in the weight and height categories. I want to say I'm cute in the looks department? 🙈 I'll let you decide that though lol. I think it's super fun learning about people through conversation so I'll leave the following hobbies section blank. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a small hint to something I love.. My username should provide clues to that! I Siriusly need to re-watch the movies again. Maybe with someone I meet through r4r?
Alright, I can't hold it in anymore. I pretty much like a little bit of everything. For example, when it comes to music, I go through Backstreet Boys phases to Disney song phases (Moana is awesome and I haven't even seen the movie 🙊) to something like Linkin Park, Paramore or 50 Cent. What I'm trying to say is I like a little bit of everything! So there's a good chance I'll like whatever you like when it comes to hobbies and interests and that means connecting with each other should be relatively natural/seamless. Or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part, haha.
I'm not the best with openers and if you're also in the same boat, then how about this: If you could have any superpower what would it be and how would you use it? Being out of this world smart like Tony Stark is an acceptable super poweanswer, by the way.
Hopefully my first impression is a good one! If anyone is even remotely interested, then just let me know and I'll get back to you asap!
submitted by HagridGranger to r4r [link] [comments]
Finding someone would be a dream come true, but I'd love to find friends too if that's all you're looking for! Local or international, just let me know if that's what you want instead :) We could end up being really close friends and you'll introduce me to a friend who I end up being with? That may or may not be the plot from a romcom 🤔 So that means I definitely wouldn't be opposed to a relationship! I've obviously never been in one so I'm not exactly sure how to transition to that, haha. I totally wouldn't mind finding out, though :) Also someone to say good morning and night to, too. That would be the best even if it's incredibly cheesy.
Anyway, it could be someone with a lot of experience or someone with no experience like me, or introverted or not introverted, etc. I don't have a preference either way :) But if I were to be reaaally picky: they'd be sweet and down to earth because just cuddling on its own would be all kinds of cool. A bit about me: I'm shy, caring, kind, sweet and am normal in the weight and height categories. I want to say I'm cute in the looks department? 🙈 I'll let you decide that though lol. I think it's super fun learning about people through conversation so I'll leave the following hobbies section blank. Then again, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a small hint to something I love.. My username should provide clues to that! I Siriusly need to re-watch the movies again. Maybe with someone I meet through r4r?
Alright, I can't hold it in anymore. I pretty much like a little bit of everything. For example, when it comes to music, I go through Backstreet Boys phases to Disney song phases (Moana is awesome and I haven't even seen the movie 🙊) to something like Linkin Park, Paramore or 50 Cent. What I'm trying to say is I like a little bit of everything! So there's a good chance I'll like whatever you like when it comes to hobbies and interests and that means connecting with each other should be relatively natural/seamless. Or maybe that's wishful thinking on my part, haha.
I'm not the best with openers and if you're also in the same boat, then how about this: If you could have any superpower what would it be and how would you use it? Being out of this world smart like Tony Stark is an acceptable super poweanswer, by the way.
Hopefully my first impression is a good one! If anyone is even remotely interested, then just let me know and I'll get back to you asap!
2024.05.14 06:02 ExcitingSand1358 Relationship ended after a poor choice of words, what could I of done differently? 27m & 28f
Hey all, I just wanted some insight of what I should do. About 1 week ago me (27m) and my now ex (28f) broke up. We only dated for a hot minute, 1 month. We were in constant contact daily (she wanted me to keep intouch especially if I was at work). And everyother day we were together in person. We met through work I'm a firefighter, she's in law enforcement. When we were together she'd tell me things that she's said she had either never opened up about. But how easy it was to open up with me. Everything was going great. She liked my no bs about the future. We agreed what both of our intentions were LTR with marriage and kids etc. Like I said, all was going great.
One day she wanted me to meet her best friend (30f). I agreed, we went to the best friends house together. The friend had a kid that kept going around hitting the women (8m) and I stopped him. Basically saying that behavior isn't tolerated and I'm not going to allow it. I then told him to apologize, which he did. All else was going well. By my 3rd drink I said it was going to be my last one. But I seen my gf and her friend opened another bottle of wine so I had another 2 beers. Later in the night my gf told me she wanted to spend the night so she could watch her best friends son soccer game in the am. It's not what I wanted, but thinking all was well I went along with it. We kissed, I left.
After I got home I texted her saying I had a good time and enjoyed her company. I also apologized if she felt like I shouldn't of driven because I drank 2 more beers 5 total in 5 hours than I said I would. She said she had a good time too and enjoyed my company. She ignored the part that I mentioned about alcohol.
Fast forward, next day. I'm at work, she's more cold and distant. It takes her significantly longer to get back to me than normal. And she doesn't want to talk about yesterday. Eventually I get super anxious feeling something is off and message her saying "I know something is bothering you, we've had conversations in the past and both agreed that if this is the case we would hash it out so we don't hold it against one another. So we can either communicate like adults like we've agreed. Or throw in the towel (figure of speech)."
She ended up replying immediately saying that I immediately went to "throwing in the towel " and how I must not care about her or our relationship. So being what I said she wanted to break up, because screw me.
Me regretting my choice of words tried to backtrack saying that's not what I meant. She said I was right something is bothering her from last night but she didn't want to have this conversation with me being that I'm at work. And hoped I would do the same if she was because she has a gun on her hip.
She said she noticed two things yesterday she didn't like. 1. I talked to much about work. 2. Drinking more than I said I would (this bothered her because of her past of getting a dui). She then said because of those two things she didn't want a relationship anymore with me. Because "That's your personality, and I don't want you to change because of me. I want you to change because of you". I said I'd change because I wanted too. She wouldn't listen. She said she was too mad at me to continue our relationship and that we're done.
Later that day I reached out, she agreed to let this go. But was still being cold and distant, less available. Canceling all of our future plans and having excuses.
So, I reached out again telling her how much I like her and how I absolutely adore and & love her (I've said this in the past and she said she feels the exact same way. Just feels too soon to say it back).
She then says she needs space, isn't ready for a relationship, that someone like me hurt her before. That we're on separate paths right now and she doesn't want me anymore. She ended the conversation saying we'll talk about this at a later date. But she wants time to focus on herself.
The next day I noticed she recorded or FaceTimed my snap story and then unfriended me on snap.
We've been on NC for the last week. I genuinely do want her back. I don't know what I should do, or say. Or if I should at all.. It hurts and sucks. Looking for what you all think of this. What I should of done differently. Thank you for your time!
tdlr relationship ended after a poor choice of words
submitted by ExcitingSand1358 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
One day she wanted me to meet her best friend (30f). I agreed, we went to the best friends house together. The friend had a kid that kept going around hitting the women (8m) and I stopped him. Basically saying that behavior isn't tolerated and I'm not going to allow it. I then told him to apologize, which he did. All else was going well. By my 3rd drink I said it was going to be my last one. But I seen my gf and her friend opened another bottle of wine so I had another 2 beers. Later in the night my gf told me she wanted to spend the night so she could watch her best friends son soccer game in the am. It's not what I wanted, but thinking all was well I went along with it. We kissed, I left.
After I got home I texted her saying I had a good time and enjoyed her company. I also apologized if she felt like I shouldn't of driven because I drank 2 more beers 5 total in 5 hours than I said I would. She said she had a good time too and enjoyed my company. She ignored the part that I mentioned about alcohol.
Fast forward, next day. I'm at work, she's more cold and distant. It takes her significantly longer to get back to me than normal. And she doesn't want to talk about yesterday. Eventually I get super anxious feeling something is off and message her saying "I know something is bothering you, we've had conversations in the past and both agreed that if this is the case we would hash it out so we don't hold it against one another. So we can either communicate like adults like we've agreed. Or throw in the towel (figure of speech)."
She ended up replying immediately saying that I immediately went to "throwing in the towel " and how I must not care about her or our relationship. So being what I said she wanted to break up, because screw me.
Me regretting my choice of words tried to backtrack saying that's not what I meant. She said I was right something is bothering her from last night but she didn't want to have this conversation with me being that I'm at work. And hoped I would do the same if she was because she has a gun on her hip.
She said she noticed two things yesterday she didn't like. 1. I talked to much about work. 2. Drinking more than I said I would (this bothered her because of her past of getting a dui). She then said because of those two things she didn't want a relationship anymore with me. Because "That's your personality, and I don't want you to change because of me. I want you to change because of you". I said I'd change because I wanted too. She wouldn't listen. She said she was too mad at me to continue our relationship and that we're done.
Later that day I reached out, she agreed to let this go. But was still being cold and distant, less available. Canceling all of our future plans and having excuses.
So, I reached out again telling her how much I like her and how I absolutely adore and & love her (I've said this in the past and she said she feels the exact same way. Just feels too soon to say it back).
She then says she needs space, isn't ready for a relationship, that someone like me hurt her before. That we're on separate paths right now and she doesn't want me anymore. She ended the conversation saying we'll talk about this at a later date. But she wants time to focus on herself.
The next day I noticed she recorded or FaceTimed my snap story and then unfriended me on snap.
We've been on NC for the last week. I genuinely do want her back. I don't know what I should do, or say. Or if I should at all.. It hurts and sucks. Looking for what you all think of this. What I should of done differently. Thank you for your time!
tdlr relationship ended after a poor choice of words
2024.05.14 06:02 Laylavvs MY MOTHER WONT LET ME SLEEP!!!
I wish I could include a voice note just so that you guys can hear this. It’s literally 10:41 PM at night. I’m an extreme pain from my period cramps like it feels like someone is stabbing my stomach and my mom is downstairs in her room, just yelling, and seeing the most disgusting abusive shit to me!! calling me an animal and I’m going nowhere in my life but when I made over $300,000 I gave it all to her and now I’m fucking broke.. she’s the reason that I dropped out of high school, the reason I have PTSD because she used to fucking stand on my head and shit! Literally literally was sliced me shave my head bald and put fucking habanero peppers in my fucking vagina!!!!! even had to jump over three-story building ones because her ex-husband was chasing me with the even had to jump over three-story building ones because her ex-husband was chasing me with a fucking machete fucking machete!!
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying now she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she actually crashed a car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, it’s because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire accountant and I really good it’s just like help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like my uncle she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into me like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it like I just went numb and said well it’s the past it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time you had an uncle visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they were just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this year because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally looks like everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally looks like everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling but like I really lived through hell at such a young age and still get insulted daily and treated like shit!!
submitted by Laylavvs to narcissisticparents [link] [comments]
It’s just crazy to me because she looks for absolutely any chance she gets just to turn it into an issue and escalate it just so the spotlight or whatever she thinks can be on her like bro it’s 10:44 PM. This is ridiculous!!!! Honestly this happens a lot, so I feel like it should be normal for me, but I’m just in too much pain to be listening to her bullshit right now.. what wild is this is all because of fucking Apple juice FUCKING APPLE JUICE BOXES!!
So I had to go to the grocery store for my baby brothers school movie day and I bought him a bunch of snacks. There was a whole drama in the car but to be honest I’m too tired to say the whole story, but in the car, she was literally yelling and saying now she’s gonna crash the whole entire car and was literally screaming at me and the kids in the car… And then I think she said the list in her head and thought she said it to me and literally no one in the entire car heard her say a word and she thought she said out loud so I told her she didn’t and she said she’s gonna crash the car and kill us…
In my head, I was laughing which is scary because like that’s not funny it’s just happened so many times that at this point I’m like OK just crash the car because all you do is talk shit… (obviously I said it in my head because I feel like if I said it out loud that’s when she actually crashed a car and I’m too young to die. I’m only 20) Anyways, it’s just really crazy to me though that she’s still yelling about that incident right now and it’s like three days after…
I feel like I’m rambling at this point but I’m just really tired and I can’t go to sleep because there’s so much noise. I’m just a bit happy that I am over 18 and she can’t actually hit me because even though I’m respectful and I really do not like to fight my mother like I’ve never actually fought her but I swear if she comes upstairs and gets in my way, I’m throwing the fucking hands and leaving!!
The only reason I can’t even leave this fucking house, it’s because she took all the money I have, and still has the audacity to talk shit to me! I can’t even leave because I don’t have my American citizenship or green card I’m on a renewable visa which is under her.. but now that I’ve seen her true colors I’m really about to work so fucking hard and get my money up and honestly just try to pay for citizenship or pay someone to marry me or something because I can’t keep living like this.. like I’ll probably hire accountant and I really good it’s just like help me cause I’m in bondage rn! This is so fucking toxic
This is really long I just want to say I’m sorry in advance. I’m just so fucking pissed right now and in so much pain. Plus I have lost so much I was thinking about like all the bullshit I’ve gone through as a child growing up. Like my uncle she literally cut his hand. Obviously there’s a bone there, so it couldn’t all fall off, but it was literally dangling in front of me and then I got intensely beat up just because she thought I slept with him. LIKE I WAS FUCKING 10 IDK WTF THAT IS!! The insane part is I kept getting beat up until I was bleeding and they wouldn’t stop till I admitted to doing it smh I really been through some shit and it’s just now sinking into me like that’s not normal cause I just overlooked it like I just went numb and said well it’s the past it is what it is but no it’s not what the fuck it is!!!
I’ve brought this up to her in the past but she just acts like it never happened or wasn’t important or I’m just over talking and she never treated me like that like what??? I literally have marks and witnesses like his hand is still stitched how tf are you gonna gaslight me??? what’s wild is because they made me admit to doing that that every time you had an uncle visit, it would happen again, and again, and again, I literally had to beg my uncles to stop visiting because they were just beat me even for staring or talking about Mickey Mouse (yes precisely I was beat for that)
I’m gonna just stop this year because I could go on for days and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally looks like everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling, but like I really live and I’m just in too much pain both physically emotionally and mentally looks like everyone just thinks I’m cool and chilling but like I really lived through hell at such a young age and still get insulted daily and treated like shit!!
2024.05.14 06:02 Choice_Evidence1983 I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MediumGrouchy5547
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Editor’s Note: TCA stands for trastornos de la conducta alimentaria which translates into “eating disorder”
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note
OOP: My sister in the note said that she loves our parents, my brother was 19 when our sister left and he himself knows how much our parents loved and supported her when she was having a hard time with herself but the outside always affected her badly.Relevant Comments
I was ten years old but I wasn't a baby and I remember what the family dynamic was like, I remember the feeling of my family, my parents are not narcissists and my sister loved them and they love who's my sister, she just had her own problems.
How could a parent miss the idea of their children? There's not a day when my parents don't miss everything about my sister, they miss sharing the day with her, my father even missed when she was cranky. My parents always let us go our own way and I can assure you that they never pressured us to be what they wanted us to be, I don't even know what they want us to be.
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.
OOP: She's not. My sister had a lot of self-destructive behaviors and hurting herself was one of them when she felt 'fat', she also had eating disorders and panic attacks because of that. I don't remember too much but she did other things to not eat besides hitting herself, she was very open about her TCA and yes, she has a diagnosis from a professional.mikuzgrl: It almost seems like the sister has been in contact with someone for a while and thinks news is being passed back and forth.
My sister was always in touch with my mother and everyone in text, she always used to keep in touch when she was going out until the day she left, now she doesn't even have a phone. In her note she just said that she wanted to leave everything
OOP: I never thought about that but I don't think so, seeing how my parents miss her I think the first thing the family would do would be to at least tell my father that she is okay :/
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari
OOP: Idk how it is in other countries to be honest, my sister doesn't live in community and there are no camps, she's one of the few who has a house because most of them prefer to travel around the country.
I really think it's impossible for them to be 100% Rastafarian here tbh because we are from South America and the Rastafarian community here is obviously totally different from the REAL Rastafarians, they just follow most of the philosophy
Edit: for example, my sister doesn't consider herself Rastafarian but she share some points of the philosophy they have, I don't know how the rest of them thinks
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.14 06:01 Real_Significance419 Neighbor kids jumping the fence and trespassing in my yard
Hi all, I'm hoping someone has some advice for me about how to resolve this issue.
I live in a house with a back yard that is totally fenced in by a large wooden fence. The only gate is at the end of my driveway and I always leave it closed with my garbage cans in front of it; it can't be opened from the driveway side.
Anyway, despite this, kids in the neighborhood are getting into my back yard, sometimes cutting through my yard and going out the gate into my driveway. The first time it happened was a boy from one of the houses behind me (not sure which one) jumping the fence to get a ball that had landed in my back yard. I let that one go because I was busy cooking dinner.
The next time it was 2 girls coming out of my back gate; I saw it through the window but by the time I got outside to tell them it's not ok for them to be there, they were gone.
Then one night I heard someone moving my garbage cans around in the driveway, but it was dark and I couldn't see anyone out the window, and I was too scared to go outside at that point.
I don't recognize any of these children and I'm not sure where they live or who their parents are, but it is absolutely NOT ok for them to be jumping my fence and trespassing in my yard. It's not safe to be jumping fences, but with the current state of the world I'm worried that I'd be somehow held liable if one of these kids injured themselves trespassing in my yard.
Any advice on what I can do about this?
submitted by Real_Significance419 to childfree [link] [comments]
I live in a house with a back yard that is totally fenced in by a large wooden fence. The only gate is at the end of my driveway and I always leave it closed with my garbage cans in front of it; it can't be opened from the driveway side.
Anyway, despite this, kids in the neighborhood are getting into my back yard, sometimes cutting through my yard and going out the gate into my driveway. The first time it happened was a boy from one of the houses behind me (not sure which one) jumping the fence to get a ball that had landed in my back yard. I let that one go because I was busy cooking dinner.
The next time it was 2 girls coming out of my back gate; I saw it through the window but by the time I got outside to tell them it's not ok for them to be there, they were gone.
Then one night I heard someone moving my garbage cans around in the driveway, but it was dark and I couldn't see anyone out the window, and I was too scared to go outside at that point.
I don't recognize any of these children and I'm not sure where they live or who their parents are, but it is absolutely NOT ok for them to be jumping my fence and trespassing in my yard. It's not safe to be jumping fences, but with the current state of the world I'm worried that I'd be somehow held liable if one of these kids injured themselves trespassing in my yard.
Any advice on what I can do about this?
2024.05.14 06:01 Direct-Caterpillar77 AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Glitter_Mask
AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?
Originally posted to AITAH
TRIGGER WARNING: Manipulation, misogyny
Original post May 4, 2024
So I 24F got off work a bit ago. My husband 24M had some friends over playing card games for the evening and I knew that before I got home.
I came home and saw they had ordered pizza and I don't overly like that pizza brand (dominoes is nasty imo) so I said hi to everyone and started making a frozen ramen. Now my frozen ramen are from a local place and are delicious and not very cheap, but they are my favorite lazy meal.
So I was standing at the stove making my ramen and one of my husband's friends, Brian (fake name) started saying it smelt good. I replied that yes it is delicious and he should try them out sometime but they are pricey (about 16 CAD each). As it kept cooking he just kept saying things like "man that smells good" and "I'd kill for some ramen right now" and such. I just eventually told him that they run a special of buy 10 get 1 free (as I said they are fancy ramen, and very filling). He then said "Oh so you have more? Could you cook me one?"
Honestly I was put off by that. I had just worked for 8 hours and I had told him they aren't cheap.
I said "Well no, they are kind of my thing. I really recommend trying them out though". He clearly got a bit angry and had stopped their game at this point. He said "well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. You should have just had pizza."
To be fair at this point my husband and the other guys stepped in and told Brian to chill out. My husband also told Brian that it was my food and I don't like the pizza.
It was pretty awkward and once my ramen was heated I took it to my desk in the other room and started typing this out. I was admittedly eavesdropping and I heard Brian leave shortly after I came to my desk.
I'm really wondering if I should have just made him a ramen because I feel the atmosphere of my husband's group might be ruined because of me.
So. AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?
Small update, the rest of the friends left, and husband came to talk to me. He apologized for Brian's behavior and explained that after I left, Husband asked Brian what his problem was. Brian said "whatever let's get back to the game" they all sat in discomfort for about 5 min, then Brian just got up and left. The rest of the gang finished the game, and then they went home. According to Husband, the group agreed that Brian was acting weird and rude. One of the guys volunteered to check on him tomorrow and tell him to apologize to us. So I'll update on that tomorrow, I guess. lol.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
deathtoallants
Hi all! I was very overwhelmed with the responses to the post. I was honestly just working myself up last night and needed to vent somewhere, I didn't really expect such a response. Thank you all for judgements, it was helpful.
Anyways to the update. Sorry it took the whole day, a lot happened.
The other friend that went to check on Brian, (Sam again fake name) tried calling him in the morning and didn't get a reply. Eventually Sam went to Brian's place and asked to talk.
Sam said it basically went down as him saying,
"You were being weird as hell with ME, what was that"
"I just didn't want dominoes and you guys didn't listen to me. I just wanted other food."
Sam and my husband also say that when the group was discussing food and one of them said just get dominoes, Brian didn't say any objection.
Sam then told him along the lines of "okay well you need to apologize to Husband and I"
Brian then said "yeah I'll apologize to husband"
Most of you readers will pick up what Sam picked up on, Brian didn't want to apologize to me.
Sam told him he mostly needed to apologize to me, it was me he spoke to and me he was rude to.
Brian then told him he'll "think about it" and asked Sam to leave.
Sam then came over and told us the conversation and I started writing the update for you guys.
As I started writing Brian called husband. He was talking very rushed, and I could hear him almost a room away.
"Yeah I'm sorry for last night. I don't think I want to attend game nights at your house though. I don't get along with Me"
Husband started getting kind of heated at that point, because Brian was talking very rapidly, like in a panic almost.
The argument kind of dissolved into a lot of what the comments brought up, my husband asking him was his problem was, is he just that misogynistic, why was he acting this way and such.
Husband said that Brian didn't really make sense during the "talk", making weird comments about other significant others of the guys (some of them are gay or poly), talking about the guys not 'sharing their time', and 'they (I assume he was talking about me and other partners) always ruin the energy and I can never enjoy the time with everyone".
Husband was a bit to angry to ask more and just told him to get himself sorted out and not to come over again.
The other guys are more concerned and think Brian is having a manic episode or is getting into Andrew Tate, as Brian is the last single one of them group. My husband kind of doesn't care through and told them to not involve him in Brian's issues.
For me I kind of don't know what to make of it. I feel bad for my husband because he is very stressed after it all. This isn't his only friend group but he has known these guys for many years. I think most commenter clocked it correctly, he is misogynistic and was just angry at my existence.
I doubt there will be another update, husband wants to step away from the whole thing for now. So thank you all again and have a good night!
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?
Originally posted to AITAH
TRIGGER WARNING: Manipulation, misogyny
Original post May 4, 2024
So I 24F got off work a bit ago. My husband 24M had some friends over playing card games for the evening and I knew that before I got home.
I came home and saw they had ordered pizza and I don't overly like that pizza brand (dominoes is nasty imo) so I said hi to everyone and started making a frozen ramen. Now my frozen ramen are from a local place and are delicious and not very cheap, but they are my favorite lazy meal.
So I was standing at the stove making my ramen and one of my husband's friends, Brian (fake name) started saying it smelt good. I replied that yes it is delicious and he should try them out sometime but they are pricey (about 16 CAD each). As it kept cooking he just kept saying things like "man that smells good" and "I'd kill for some ramen right now" and such. I just eventually told him that they run a special of buy 10 get 1 free (as I said they are fancy ramen, and very filling). He then said "Oh so you have more? Could you cook me one?"
Honestly I was put off by that. I had just worked for 8 hours and I had told him they aren't cheap.
I said "Well no, they are kind of my thing. I really recommend trying them out though". He clearly got a bit angry and had stopped their game at this point. He said "well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. You should have just had pizza."
To be fair at this point my husband and the other guys stepped in and told Brian to chill out. My husband also told Brian that it was my food and I don't like the pizza.
It was pretty awkward and once my ramen was heated I took it to my desk in the other room and started typing this out. I was admittedly eavesdropping and I heard Brian leave shortly after I came to my desk.
I'm really wondering if I should have just made him a ramen because I feel the atmosphere of my husband's group might be ruined because of me.
So. AITAH for not cooking for my husband's friend?
Small update, the rest of the friends left, and husband came to talk to me. He apologized for Brian's behavior and explained that after I left, Husband asked Brian what his problem was. Brian said "whatever let's get back to the game" they all sat in discomfort for about 5 min, then Brian just got up and left. The rest of the gang finished the game, and then they went home. According to Husband, the group agreed that Brian was acting weird and rude. One of the guys volunteered to check on him tomorrow and tell him to apologize to us. So I'll update on that tomorrow, I guess. lol.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
deathtoallants
NTA. Brian should’ve written down the name of the store/brand and flavor on a memo so he could go buy it later. This might be pushing it, but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test it before committing to buying 10 portions of an expensive ramen.OOP
I’ve never heard of frozen ramen. Wtf
Update May 5, 2024The store is a ramen restaurant and they simply sell their fancy homemade ramen as frozen for a few bucks cheaper. It is just noodles, meat (spicy chicken in my case), broth, and some veggies. Honestly I could make it at home but I'm lazy lol.
But I'm really relieved to see people saying I'm nta. I was getting really into my own head as I was sitting here so that's for the judgement
Hi all! I was very overwhelmed with the responses to the post. I was honestly just working myself up last night and needed to vent somewhere, I didn't really expect such a response. Thank you all for judgements, it was helpful.
Anyways to the update. Sorry it took the whole day, a lot happened.
The other friend that went to check on Brian, (Sam again fake name) tried calling him in the morning and didn't get a reply. Eventually Sam went to Brian's place and asked to talk.
Sam said it basically went down as him saying,
"You were being weird as hell with ME, what was that"
"I just didn't want dominoes and you guys didn't listen to me. I just wanted other food."
Sam and my husband also say that when the group was discussing food and one of them said just get dominoes, Brian didn't say any objection.
Sam then told him along the lines of "okay well you need to apologize to Husband and I"
Brian then said "yeah I'll apologize to husband"
Most of you readers will pick up what Sam picked up on, Brian didn't want to apologize to me.
Sam told him he mostly needed to apologize to me, it was me he spoke to and me he was rude to.
Brian then told him he'll "think about it" and asked Sam to leave.
Sam then came over and told us the conversation and I started writing the update for you guys.
As I started writing Brian called husband. He was talking very rushed, and I could hear him almost a room away.
"Yeah I'm sorry for last night. I don't think I want to attend game nights at your house though. I don't get along with Me"
Husband started getting kind of heated at that point, because Brian was talking very rapidly, like in a panic almost.
The argument kind of dissolved into a lot of what the comments brought up, my husband asking him was his problem was, is he just that misogynistic, why was he acting this way and such.
Husband said that Brian didn't really make sense during the "talk", making weird comments about other significant others of the guys (some of them are gay or poly), talking about the guys not 'sharing their time', and 'they (I assume he was talking about me and other partners) always ruin the energy and I can never enjoy the time with everyone".
Husband was a bit to angry to ask more and just told him to get himself sorted out and not to come over again.
The other guys are more concerned and think Brian is having a manic episode or is getting into Andrew Tate, as Brian is the last single one of them group. My husband kind of doesn't care through and told them to not involve him in Brian's issues.
For me I kind of don't know what to make of it. I feel bad for my husband because he is very stressed after it all. This isn't his only friend group but he has known these guys for many years. I think most commenter clocked it correctly, he is misogynistic and was just angry at my existence.
I doubt there will be another update, husband wants to step away from the whole thing for now. So thank you all again and have a good night!
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.05.14 06:01 spinachmuffin I humiliates myself drinking and the anxiety is destroying me
This was Saturday night. I met a nice group of people and they invited me to a BBQ. At one point the person who invited me asked me to leave because I was very drunk. I refused and argued with him that I’m alright, then we went to a club. I’m not sure what happened but I ended crying in a taxi home.
I’m humiliated. When I woke up the next morning I remembered being asked to go home and thought that’s how the night ended. Then I remembered the rest and it is much worse.
I’m naturally not going to drink after this incident. I met a nice group of people and they are not going to invite me to another gathering. This could have been the start of a wonderful friendship and I ruined it.
I’m really sad because I know how much I humiliated myself. It’s 4am and I can’t sleep. Anyone reading this, can you please be brutally honest about the severity of what I did?
submitted by spinachmuffin to stopdrinking [link] [comments]
I’m humiliated. When I woke up the next morning I remembered being asked to go home and thought that’s how the night ended. Then I remembered the rest and it is much worse.
I’m naturally not going to drink after this incident. I met a nice group of people and they are not going to invite me to another gathering. This could have been the start of a wonderful friendship and I ruined it.
I’m really sad because I know how much I humiliated myself. It’s 4am and I can’t sleep. Anyone reading this, can you please be brutally honest about the severity of what I did?
2024.05.14 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.
OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:
You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.
Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.
Why not adoption?With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.
Leave him and give him full custody of the twinsNo. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.
Just have a sexless marriage.No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.
What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.
Jack is sabotaging your birth controlI clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.
Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcareMy husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships
OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page
OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.14 06:01 AnnualStress5 AITA for going to my brother's wedding even though he uninvited our mom?
Is it too much to ask that this makes it onto the channel but that my family doesn't realize it's me?
Probably, but here we go.
Who: my mom (Padme), my brother (Bob), my sister-in-law (Helen), my aunt (Cindy), my uncle (Charlie), my cousin (Mary), my dad (Vader), and me
When: between 2020 and 2022
Where: the beach and the mountains
What: a wedding
Why: true love ❤️
Our story goes way back to before the wedding in 2022 but after the engagement of Bob and Helen in 2020. It starts in 2021 on a week long vacation to the beach for Padme's 50th birthday. We were staying in a very picturesque condo with 3 separate bedrooms that had direct beach access and the unit was absolutely beautiful with the most amazing views off the patio. On this vacation were 6 people: Padme, Bob, Helen, Cindy, Mary, and me. We were roomed in pairs: Bob and Helen, Cindy and Mary, Padme and me. This vacation had been planned months in advance and Padme was so excited she planned out a week of fun activities including a sunset cruise to see dolphins, mini golfing, restaurants, of course beach time, and more.
It was supposed to be a lovely week that was unfortunately marred very quickly by a nasty fight. We arrived late on a Friday and were scheduled to be out by the following Friday. Sunday night after dinner there was a massive argument between Helen and I. I don't even remember all the details now. It ended when she called me a brat and I called her a b**** and we stormed off to our separate rooms. From here there are 2 versions of the rest of the night.
Padme's Version: While I had a massive panic attack - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Padme went to the bedroom where Bob and Helen were. She tried to talk to them and tell Helen that she was been very mean to me. She implored Helen to apologize to me, but Helen was being stubborn and refused to talk to me. Padme eventually left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
Helen's Version: While I had a massive panic attach - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Padme went to the bedroom where Bob and Helen were. Helen says that Padme started screaming at her and Bob calling them all sorts of nasty names and other terrible things. She even accused Helen of being an abusive person. Meanwhile, Bob was having an epileptic seizure on the bed due to the stress of it all. Helen started crying and having a panic attack of her own as well. Eventually, Padme left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
I believe that there is some truth in both. I think Padme thinks she was talking nicely and that Helen was been a hard a** but she was coming across a lot louder and meaner than she thought. I also think that Helen was being a little stubborn but for good reason. If she had come out to talk to me I think the fight would have escalated further and the place would have burst into a ball of flames.
Regardless, Helen and Bob stayed in their room for the next day and a half. They only came out for food and water and didn't speak to anyone else. Cindy and Mary tried to stay out of it but were very much in the middle and it put a bad stain on their vacation. Things cooled off by Wednesday (Padme's birthday) and we all got along mostly for the rest of the week. I apologized to Helen and Helen apologized to me and we've been good since then. Sadly, the same is not true for Helen, Bob, and Padme.
Throughout the following months things continued to deteriorate between the Parr's (Helen and Bob) and Padme. I don't know all of the details of what contributed to the downfall of their relationship. I do know that Padme continued to make wild accusations at them and then backtrack and try to apologize. This cycle continued up until the wedding.
There was one big accusation that Padme made during this time that was the nail in the coffin for her. She accused Bob of marrying Helen only because she was pregnant. What's absolutely crazy about this is that Bob proposed a year and half before the wedding. They also had their location and date reserved over a year before the wedding as well. So this wasn't even close to being a possibility, but it reallyyyyyy set off the Parrs.
While Padme initially got a Save the Date for the wedding, she did not receive a wedding invitation when they sent out the actual invitations. She was crushed by this news that everyone else in the family got an invitation and she, the mother of the groom, did not. Padme eventually started to tell those in the family who were going - primarily Cindy and her husband Charlie, Vader, and I - that we shouldn't be going in solidarity with her. She said that we were "choosing sides" and "against her" because we still planned on going.
Here's the thing: Vader - my dad - was officiating the wedding and Charlie - Cindy's husband - was a groomsman. Also, Cindy and Charlie were supplying their homemade wine for the wedding. This left Cindy and I in a tricky spot where we wanted to support Padme while she was going through a rough time, but didn't want to skip the wedding. After all, why should we forfeit our spots when Padme kept doing things to dig herself a hole.
Are you ready for the cherry on top of this putrid mess of a wedding cake? Helen and Bob did end up inviting Padme to the wedding and sent an invitation. But they did so 2 weeks before the wedding with some stipulations. She had to sit in the back during the ceremony, she wasn't allowed to go to the reception, and her 28 year old boyfriend was not allowed to come. I think there were other things as well, but those are the main ones. This sent Padme into a frenzy where she continued to make more accusations at the Parrs for having the restrictions and not trusting her to behave. She also continued to accuse Cindy and I for taking sides after their "disgusting behavior."
I tried to talk the Parrs into inviting her and at least allowing her to come to the reception. I promised I wouldn't allow anything to happen and if something did I would take Padme out. All this to no avail.
Padme decided not to go the wedding. Her reason: she already had other plans.
At the end of the day though, it was a beautiful wedding. Everything went smoothly and though Cindy and I missed her quite a bit, we were able to have a wonderful time despite her absence.
I still stand by my choice to go to the wedding because it's not like me not going would stop the whole wedding. Nothing would have changed other than I miss out on a fun party. However, I want to know what you guys think. Should I have gone? Should I have done something more to try to support my mom?
submitted by AnnualStress5 to CharlotteDobreYouTube [link] [comments]
Probably, but here we go.
Who: my mom (Padme), my brother (Bob), my sister-in-law (Helen), my aunt (Cindy), my uncle (Charlie), my cousin (Mary), my dad (Vader), and me
When: between 2020 and 2022
Where: the beach and the mountains
What: a wedding
Why: true love ❤️
Our story goes way back to before the wedding in 2022 but after the engagement of Bob and Helen in 2020. It starts in 2021 on a week long vacation to the beach for Padme's 50th birthday. We were staying in a very picturesque condo with 3 separate bedrooms that had direct beach access and the unit was absolutely beautiful with the most amazing views off the patio. On this vacation were 6 people: Padme, Bob, Helen, Cindy, Mary, and me. We were roomed in pairs: Bob and Helen, Cindy and Mary, Padme and me. This vacation had been planned months in advance and Padme was so excited she planned out a week of fun activities including a sunset cruise to see dolphins, mini golfing, restaurants, of course beach time, and more.
It was supposed to be a lovely week that was unfortunately marred very quickly by a nasty fight. We arrived late on a Friday and were scheduled to be out by the following Friday. Sunday night after dinner there was a massive argument between Helen and I. I don't even remember all the details now. It ended when she called me a brat and I called her a b**** and we stormed off to our separate rooms. From here there are 2 versions of the rest of the night.
Padme's Version: While I had a massive panic attack - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Padme went to the bedroom where Bob and Helen were. She tried to talk to them and tell Helen that she was been very mean to me. She implored Helen to apologize to me, but Helen was being stubborn and refused to talk to me. Padme eventually left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
Helen's Version: While I had a massive panic attach - because I'm Mentally Sick™ - Padme went to the bedroom where Bob and Helen were. Helen says that Padme started screaming at her and Bob calling them all sorts of nasty names and other terrible things. She even accused Helen of being an abusive person. Meanwhile, Bob was having an epileptic seizure on the bed due to the stress of it all. Helen started crying and having a panic attack of her own as well. Eventually, Padme left the room and came to help me calm down in our room.
I believe that there is some truth in both. I think Padme thinks she was talking nicely and that Helen was been a hard a** but she was coming across a lot louder and meaner than she thought. I also think that Helen was being a little stubborn but for good reason. If she had come out to talk to me I think the fight would have escalated further and the place would have burst into a ball of flames.
Regardless, Helen and Bob stayed in their room for the next day and a half. They only came out for food and water and didn't speak to anyone else. Cindy and Mary tried to stay out of it but were very much in the middle and it put a bad stain on their vacation. Things cooled off by Wednesday (Padme's birthday) and we all got along mostly for the rest of the week. I apologized to Helen and Helen apologized to me and we've been good since then. Sadly, the same is not true for Helen, Bob, and Padme.
Throughout the following months things continued to deteriorate between the Parr's (Helen and Bob) and Padme. I don't know all of the details of what contributed to the downfall of their relationship. I do know that Padme continued to make wild accusations at them and then backtrack and try to apologize. This cycle continued up until the wedding.
There was one big accusation that Padme made during this time that was the nail in the coffin for her. She accused Bob of marrying Helen only because she was pregnant. What's absolutely crazy about this is that Bob proposed a year and half before the wedding. They also had their location and date reserved over a year before the wedding as well. So this wasn't even close to being a possibility, but it reallyyyyyy set off the Parrs.
While Padme initially got a Save the Date for the wedding, she did not receive a wedding invitation when they sent out the actual invitations. She was crushed by this news that everyone else in the family got an invitation and she, the mother of the groom, did not. Padme eventually started to tell those in the family who were going - primarily Cindy and her husband Charlie, Vader, and I - that we shouldn't be going in solidarity with her. She said that we were "choosing sides" and "against her" because we still planned on going.
Here's the thing: Vader - my dad - was officiating the wedding and Charlie - Cindy's husband - was a groomsman. Also, Cindy and Charlie were supplying their homemade wine for the wedding. This left Cindy and I in a tricky spot where we wanted to support Padme while she was going through a rough time, but didn't want to skip the wedding. After all, why should we forfeit our spots when Padme kept doing things to dig herself a hole.
Are you ready for the cherry on top of this putrid mess of a wedding cake? Helen and Bob did end up inviting Padme to the wedding and sent an invitation. But they did so 2 weeks before the wedding with some stipulations. She had to sit in the back during the ceremony, she wasn't allowed to go to the reception, and her 28 year old boyfriend was not allowed to come. I think there were other things as well, but those are the main ones. This sent Padme into a frenzy where she continued to make more accusations at the Parrs for having the restrictions and not trusting her to behave. She also continued to accuse Cindy and I for taking sides after their "disgusting behavior."
I tried to talk the Parrs into inviting her and at least allowing her to come to the reception. I promised I wouldn't allow anything to happen and if something did I would take Padme out. All this to no avail.
Padme decided not to go the wedding. Her reason: she already had other plans.
At the end of the day though, it was a beautiful wedding. Everything went smoothly and though Cindy and I missed her quite a bit, we were able to have a wonderful time despite her absence.
I still stand by my choice to go to the wedding because it's not like me not going would stop the whole wedding. Nothing would have changed other than I miss out on a fun party. However, I want to know what you guys think. Should I have gone? Should I have done something more to try to support my mom?
2024.05.14 06:00 plainmaryjane69 found partners reddit account..
I 24 F found my partners reddit account through frequenting the same community subreddit. I found a post and thought it might be them so I looked at their profile and indeed.. it appeared to be them. I see 2 posts one in our communities subreddit and the other is a post that was in their last suburb(we moved together) “r4r”?? subreddit. It had their age, height, location and said they are looking for m4m they could host for the night and some other term I was unfamiliar with until I confronted them. They said they did not post it and when they pulled up reddit on their phone it was not there, but was still there on my phone. They swear they did not post this. Do I believe him even though we’ve had trust problems in the past or do I take this as my confirmation from the universe that this is over. They deleted their reddit account after our conversation. Help.
submitted by plainmaryjane69 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 06:00 Brandon_Sd Need help… wife drove kids after drinking today…
I need advice. Wife drank today before driving my two kids
For a few months I have started realizing that my wife drinks more than I believe is safe and acceptable. Drinking 1-2+ bottles a night, most days a week.
She would get noticeably drunk one or two nights a week, sometimes to the point of her not remembering everything or even making sense when I would try to talk to her.
Needless to say I’ve been attempting to help her. Tried setting some boundaries and asked her not to drink two nights a week and never more than a bottle or whatever she was drinking before.
She couldn’t do it, and I started realizing she had been hiding it from me. Drinking during day when I’m at work, hiding bottles of wine in trash and making no trace of her drinking.
I have had a few ‘blow ups’ with empty threats at this point hoping she would come around, and thought things were ok for the last week or two but today happened….
I found she had drank 3/4 a bottle of wine before 2pm, and drove our 10mo old out to pick up our 4 year old from school and out for errands.
Never have I thought she would cross this line (obviously my fault..) and I have been furious and confused all afternoon.
She doesn’t understand the problem, doesn’t want to accept that I am as mad as I am for some reason.
What do I do?
I threatened to leave with the kids or have her leave, but she isn’t phased. I don’t want to cause huge problems for our family and bring others into this.
I am at a loss for what to do, and she keeps turning it around on me like I am the bad guy watching over her shoulder.
submitted by Brandon_Sd to AlAnon [link] [comments]
For a few months I have started realizing that my wife drinks more than I believe is safe and acceptable. Drinking 1-2+ bottles a night, most days a week.
She would get noticeably drunk one or two nights a week, sometimes to the point of her not remembering everything or even making sense when I would try to talk to her.
Needless to say I’ve been attempting to help her. Tried setting some boundaries and asked her not to drink two nights a week and never more than a bottle or whatever she was drinking before.
She couldn’t do it, and I started realizing she had been hiding it from me. Drinking during day when I’m at work, hiding bottles of wine in trash and making no trace of her drinking.
I have had a few ‘blow ups’ with empty threats at this point hoping she would come around, and thought things were ok for the last week or two but today happened….
I found she had drank 3/4 a bottle of wine before 2pm, and drove our 10mo old out to pick up our 4 year old from school and out for errands.
Never have I thought she would cross this line (obviously my fault..) and I have been furious and confused all afternoon.
She doesn’t understand the problem, doesn’t want to accept that I am as mad as I am for some reason.
What do I do?
I threatened to leave with the kids or have her leave, but she isn’t phased. I don’t want to cause huge problems for our family and bring others into this.
I am at a loss for what to do, and she keeps turning it around on me like I am the bad guy watching over her shoulder.
2024.05.14 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 [New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!
OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.
OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.Update: February 27, 2024
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?
OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down
OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.
----NEW UPDATE----
Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.