How to make a heart on a droid

 We have to tell you something before we finish this. Do you remember the humans; their appearance, language, culture, and technology? We do. Each planet that they colonized. All the advancements they made. Every sentient they encountered. Understand that as a Hivemind, our species has little use for language, either written or otherwise. But because of our telepathic connection, as long as there are enough of us around, we can keep memories well past what a single mind species could. We remember first contact. Our appearance millennium ago was much more different than that you look at now. See, our home world Apis 3 drifted too close to one of the gas giants present in our system. It was thrown out of orbit and was threatened to become a nomad world. At that point in our history, we were still in our hunter-gatherer phase, so there was no possibility for us to save ourselves. Vegitation was dying, animals went extinct. We were doomed to be snuffed out like a small fire in a roaring blizzard. But our saviors came. The Hive remembers. Humanity saw that the planet, despite going rogue, was a perfect planet to colonize if they could just solve the problem of it free floating into the void. So that's what they did. We remember the structures the size of cities that pushed the planet back into orbit around our star. We stayed underground, scavenging what was left of our world trying to survive as their terraforming efforts marched on. It was awe inspiring for how quickly the frozen wastes became meadows of their homeworld's flowers. We never saw them up close until desperation made us attempt to steal their food. That was our first encounter with a human at a settlement called Mel Farms. See, the humans had brought the DNA of about every domesticated species of flora and fauna with them to clone and modified them to be able to live on our planet. One such species was an insect about 15 millimeters long, yellow with black stripes, and had a symbiotic relationship helping the plants reproduce in exchange for producing their food. The humans had kept them in large boxes outside that allowed them to breed and overproduce this food for human harvest. We attempted to steal this food after discovering it was really, really good. Our first encounter with a human was after we learned of this insect's defense mechanism. Injecting us with venom at the cost of its own life while summoning more of its sisters to continue the onslaught. As embarrassing as it was, the Hive remembers. The security measures around the area had alerted a male human named Charles. We recall the white clothing he wore to protect him from the insects as well as the atmosphere. We recollect the weapon he wielded to pacify the creatures, a tool to emit smoke. We reminisce about the kindness he showed us when we were left to seven members of our species. You have to take into account that we were weakened by the recent climate catastrophe, so at that moment, we accepted our fate. But destiny had other ideas at hand. They fed us, shelted us, studied us, healed us, and most importantly, they saved us. We learned how to communicate non verbally with the help of their machines. They showed us the many other species of insects that they brought, worms that produce silk and transform, small insects that farmed and built structures, arachnids that flew on tiny balloons; we admired the little creatures they showed us. Despite our small stature, we did our best to repay the humans and their kindness even if it was just helping their construction, manufacturing, and agriculture. They were concerned about this relationship; Charles said it was because historically, humans had a tendency for a group with superior technology to take advantage of with different advancements. But we continued unfazed. And as our numbers increased so to did our reverence of them. They taught us quickly how to stand on our own legs and think critically to solve our own problems. When Charles died, we honored him by asking the humans to genetically alter us to appear as his pets. Our chitinous armor is now covered with yellow and black setae, larger eyes, small antenna, small clear wings added to our bodies, and the capability to produce materials like wax, honey, and silk. We call ourselves the Keepers. Despite being cute by their standards, we were useful to them; even if it was just as a way to intantly communicate accross systems. The Hive remembers. Understand that it is completely common for a human contacted sentient to alter themselves to honor their friends. When the reptialian Drakon were suffering from a global plauge; the humans came down, helped them, and gave them the means to advance. They learned of human history and culture and incorporated it into their own, adding ancient heroes like Shaka and Sun Tzu to their pantheon. When they discovered the gods and demons humans revered, they saw fit to mimic them. Now, all the Drakon females have brightly colored feathered wings and serpentine bodies, while the males have large leather wings, spiked tails, and produce combustable gases in their mouth they ignite for a dangerous attack. When humanity discovered Gaia, it was just a living mass capable of converting inorganic material like heavy metals into biomass. It was starving, having converted the whole planet into biomass, and its last resort was to self-destruct so that its spores could potentially discover new planets. A human gifted the planet the genetic information of every known Earth species into Gaia, allowing the all-consuming planet to morph thriving biosphere of new unseen creatures and photosynthisis capable plants to feed from. Perhaps it wanted a civilization of its own, so it created a sentient similar to the humans, albeit with pointed ears, a telepathic link to the planet, and distinct dimorphic traits where the social herbivorous females outnumber the solitary carnivorous males. The Alvari have now taken to the stars, bringing the spores of Gaia to terraform new worlds. We could go on forever rehearsing every species that changed to honor the humans. The Vanara changed their appearance to be more simian after humans averted a drought on their jungle world. The robotic Rossum altered their mechanical bodies to be more humanoid, making relations easier and distancing themselves from the creators they overthrown. The polypheltic Limosa, after their first contact, now shape their gelatinous bodies to appear more human, even placing their control core in their chest similar to a human heart. The humans have left their mark on hundreds of sentient lifeforms accross the galaxy; and despite our different customs and biologies, we all cooperated for the sake of the humans. And then you killed them. You came to our galaxy, you slaughtered them by the trillions, and drove the species that has done so much to make up for its own dark history into extinction. Your entire empire is built on the bones of a once prosperous species. Do you remember how they found you dormant on your own orphan planet? When they brought you to their one of their own systems? When you conquered their worlds and butchered them for meat? Have you forgotten the bravery that human soldiers fought when they defended their homes in vain? Can you even remember their screams? We are the Keepers of their legacy. It has taken us generations, but we are ready to avenge our fallen saviors. We have amassed a swarm so massive that your computers would malfunction, trying to comprehend the strength of our numbers. And we are not alone. Every sentient uplifted by humanity is on a warpath to eradicate you. The combined fleets of our crusade will block the light of the stars from hitting the surface of your stolen worlds. We will lose many, but we guarantee that you will wish that you froze to death on that rogue planet centuries ago instead of collapsing under the weight of your sins. We hope your gods are forgiving because each and every one of you will be introduced to them. You will die, and not even the Hive will remember you. 

Okay so I appreciate if anyone takes the time to read this. I will be as honest as possible so i can get answers that are also as honest as possible. Me and my boyfriend met when I was about to finish highschool.I texted him on social media and we were friends for about 2 months and then we got together. I was his first girlfriend. I was brought up in an abusive home, my dad cheats on my mom, he always mentally and physically abused me, and so on. When I turned 18 I got into a huge fight with my dad and when he wasn't home I ran away and moved in with my boyfriend.At that point we had been officially together for only 2 months. I can't say it was a perfect relationship even from the start. We used to have small arguments even in the beginning. Most of the arguments were because he would say something and I would understand it the wrong way because of my past traumas and I would think that he doesn't actually like me. But my boyfriend was always calm and understanding and he would talk to me for hours until I calmed down. Over the next months I started talking to my dad again because he was nicer to me and he looked like he had changed. And I had made the mistake of telling him the things that were wrong in me and my boyfriend's relationship.And my dad has grown to hate my boyfriend and always told me to come back home and leave him. Now, I really loved my boyfriend. He was the first man ever that treated me right. But since I never felt that before, I was always doubting that he was actually genuine. I was always fighting with him, we didn't really have money, etc. The major part of our conflicts was the sex. I was upset that only I seemed to always initiate it. And so I always thought that he doesn't like it or he doesn't love me. Other reasons why we fought were that I never really saw him looking at me in an admiring way or he would never come up to me and make me feel wanted by grabbing my ass or something. Also he never really bought me gifts. I insulted him many times, and now I see how stupid I was. At one point we got into a fight so huge that I even hit him. And I regret it to this day. He would always do whatever I was in the mood for, whatever it was, watching something, eating fast food, etc. And yet I never was in the mood for doing anything he wanted, like playing video games or watching anime or going for a walk. So a few days ago we fought again and I told him I'm packing my bags. Now the thing is I said this many times. That I'm packing my bags. But I never actually meant it. So he didn't try to stop me. He must've thought I was joking this time too. The next day I went to work, they kicked me out. I didn't know what to do, so I called my dad. And straight away he told me to come back home to him. I asked my boyfriend many times that day: do I go to my parents or do we fix this? and one time he said I should stay and then he said I should go. I was crying also because I had just been kicked out and I wasn't thinking straight and so I moved back to my dad. Now it's been 3 days, I talked to my boyfriend a whole night and he said that he needs time to think about everything and he doesn't know if he will want a relationship with me in the future because he doesn't know if he can forget all the bad things I did. I was so immature and stupid and now I regret it from the bottom of my heart. We would've celebrated 11 months together tomorrow. I'm scared that I ruined his life and he won't ever forgive me. It might sound selfish of me, but I need him to give me one more chance. One last chance. I want to prove him that I can be a good person and I'm not just the consequences of my trauma. I know it sounds like I'm trying to take the blame off me and put it on the trauma, but I'm not. I completely understand that I did so many wrong things, and now I must face the consequences. But I have never loved anyone like him. I don't want to lose him forever because I was stupid. I don't know why I acted the way I did with him. I was never an aggressive person with anyone. But I was with the only boy who ever loved me the right way. My friend told me that it's not only my fault, that he did wrong things too. But I know that it IS mostly my fault. I wish I could go back and act property. Be the loving girlfriend he deserves. Is there any way I can make him forgive me and give me another chance? This time I really want to do it right. Please. I'm so lost.
TL;DR; How can I make my ex boyfriend forgive me and give me another chance if I hurt him deeply?

i have so much to say to you and im not carrying it into the new year and i dont want to text you on new years eve to say it so im going to say it now. i also know you aren't going to reply and I'm totally good with that because I dont want you to. Ok sigh
i realize that i obviously cared way more about you than you did for me and that's nobody's fault but mine for being naive and thinking you actually* cared for me when you explicitly said you did. all that talk about a connection that you hadn't had with anyone else kinda fucked me up- most people dont just go around saying things you said unless they actually mean it. Those kinds of words carry weight and yet you've shown me over and over again how empty they actually were to the point that it causes me physical pain especially after my brother died and you surfaced with yet even more heart wrenching things to say and its fucking with me in traumatic ways..like how could you do that after such a loss in my life? and after so many times of feeling like an idiot for saying hi or reaching out i finally understand that i was nothing more to you than another random hookup.
I realize that you say these things to every girl that you want to sleep with, to get in their head and then subsequently, their pants.
I did not want a relationship with you, I don't give a shit how you live your life. What I did want was a mutual respect and affection that wasn't heavy..something that could breathe. I thought I found that with you because you weren't about to try to lock anything down, and neither was I. I'm not ashamed to say these things and I dont care if it comes off as "crazy". the only thing that was crazy about all of this was me thinking you meant what came out of your mouth. I realize I cant be a "background friend" bc I cant shake it off very well when you ignore me and I simply dont want to feel like this anymore and I needed to get it out in the open. everyone has things going on they have to deal with but its still no excuse to neglect someone to such extremes, you can tell me you dont see my messages but I know you do. you dont even have the decency to acknowledge me and let me know you see me. do you understand how extremely hurtful that is ? Probably not. But I'm not here to cast judgment- that's God's job. I'm hurt and probably the most prominent feeling is embarrassment. and not embarrassed because of what any one else thinks but embarrassed at myself and how I allowed myself to keep reaching for scraps of your attention. I didn't even want to say any of this because I dont want the anxiety of knowing I said it but I owe it to myself to make these feelings clear whether you validate it or not.

Ok overall, I loved it. I was absolutely hooked. But I just have to see if anyone else agrees with these few opinions I do have.
1) Basically everything was chefs kiss up until Mina left and Nic died. I’ll never forgive them for not having Mina there when Nic died. I just hate to think how she would’ve reacted in Nigeria finding out about it and knowing she wasn’t there to help. (And yes, I know it’s fiction but I’m immersing myself lol)
2) To piggyback on the departures of Nic and Mina, I know it was both of their personal decisions to leave, which is arguably better than a lot of other current procedural shows who just kick favorite characters off at random (cough SVU cough) but I still hate that they left, and it almost ruined the show for me.
3) Bell’s character development felt so quick that it was almost more like they completely retconned him? Like, I feel like he went from conniving, sinister, I’ll-kill-to-protect-my-image, straight to Kit’s lovey-dovey husband with a heart of gold in 5 seconds flat. I don’t even know if I could cite the event that changed him. Also, was his tremor from season 1 supposed to be the first sign of his MS? Or are they unrelated? And if so, where did it go for all those years in between?
4) Billie. I’d say I don’t like the character in general but there are certain things I did appreciate. I liked the variety of the storyline with her and Trevor not having your traditional happy ending of “Mother reunifies with long-lost son and immediately falls into the bond they would’ve had all along.” But I don’t like that she stuck around, and I don’t like that they made Conrad so quick to drop the whole “I don’t agree with your ethics” thing he had against her. It felt trivialized imo.
5) Speaking of Billie… I hate to say it, but I don’t think she and Conrad should’ve been endgame. It kind of goes back to what I said about Conrad getting over his issues toward her too fast, but it also just felt wrong to me. It felt like he was just looking for the closest thing he could get to Nic, and obviously that was Billie considering she was Nic’s closest friend. I would’ve much more appreciated a storyline where they tried to make it work and agreed it just wasn’t right. It felt icky to me. Like when a guy marries his wife’s sister after she dies.
6) On that note, I honestly think they dropped the ball with Cade and Conrad’s storyline. I think Cade was similar to Nic in that she challenged Conrad. The go-team scenes always kinda felt like when Nic and Conrad had a difficult case together. The dynamic was so there. The writers just didn’t nurture it. I would’ve liked to see a little more character development in Cade, with her starting to open up more, and that was starting when they solved the Medicare fraud thing, and when she opened up to him about Ian going to rehab. It was just too late. They could’ve done so much more with it imo.
Anyway, that’s basically it. I’m probably breaking some fandom tenants by opposing Billie and Conrad but I’ll take that risk. Overall tho, loved the show. Now I need something new to fill the void lol

I, Leah 27F, have a boyfriend, Mike 31M, who has 2 children, Jack 6M and Brady 4M. For a back story my boyfriend and I had just started dating about 3 months ago, we met at a social event and hit it off from the start. We did move very fast and have talked about when we want to have kids, have plans to move in together, and if I would say yes if he were to ask me to marry him. I know that's crazy, how short of a time that we've been together but I really like this man and his boys.
Recently we have been spending all of our free time together and have been getting into petty arguments- and saying things towards each other that annoy the other person. I don't quite know how to describe what we're going through.
Anyway,
We had a long talk about how we're going to save our relationship because we love each other and are committed to working it out, leaving just isn't an option for either of us.
For the next week we decided on hanging out only on Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays(because Jack has soccer games on Wednesdays and Sundays). I know I wouldn't make it to all of them because I sometimes have stuff I have to get done that cant wait, but I am with a man who has kids and I love the kids, I want to be there for important life moments.
Monday comes, we didn't hang out
Tuesday comes and it was my 1 year work anniversary(Really important to me because I worked hard to get where I am and he knows) so he decided that we were going to hang out, everything was great and he took me out to dinner.
Wednesday comes and he texted me telling me that he just got a text telling him that the soccer game was today, and I assumed that I would get picked up and we would go. I get home and I texted him "Are you picking me up for the soccer game?" and he replied with "No, You can go to the Sunday game"
My heart was broken you guys, and as ridiculous as this post feels, I really am still haunted by this.
I didn't really talk to him the rest of the night.
Friday comes and he took me out to dinner and after we had a long talk about how I don't want to be in the picture if he doesn't want me to be apart of his family life moments. I cried because this was the first time he has been in a sport and it was his first soccer game, ever.
The reasons he had for not wanting me there were he "didn't want Jack to be distracted by me"
"He wouldn't have been happy about me being there and would rather have one of us be unhappy than neither of us" The unhappy person being me.
and that he is "sorry that I feel this way and there is nothing we can do about it now"
I feel really hurt by this because in such a short amount of time I feel like a mom but I feel like he just wants to be a single parent.
BTW BM is not in the picture. Not even for the kids.
AITAH?

Link to AO3
chapters 1&2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
The Academy looked normal enough from the distance but blew Gentry’s mind when she finally entered it. First of all, the way in lay through a massive winter garden full of the most luxurious botanical collection she’s ever seen. Not only that, but it seemed to be arranged in a way that offered spaces for hanging out as well as paths in and out. Here and there, G noticed little nooks with people’s voices coming from them and small murmuring streams gleamed in the sun that blazed through the transparent walls and roof. This place looked magical and invited to stay, enjoy the refreshing coolness and peace of mind. But Gentry had a good enough rest in her communal room the night before and was eager to start working on her first assignment that the System had spat out with a congratulating letter. Figuring out the controls of her new wristcomm was simple enough.
DEAR GENTRY!
WE ARE DELIGHTED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE THE FIRST CONTESTANT TO CLEAR ALL CHALLENGES AND OBTAIN THE STATUS OF AN ASHTAPADAN NEWCOMER! YOUR MEDICAL DATA HAS BEEN ANALYSED AND FOUND ACCEPTABLE.
IN THE ATTACHMENT TO THIS LETTER YOU WILL FIND A LIST OF RULES, RECOMMENDATIONS AND IDEAS THAT WILL DEFINITELY HELP YOU IN THE FIRST WEEKS IN OUR BEAUTIFUL CITY BUT WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND FINDING A BUDDY THAT WOULD BE YOUR MAIN GUIDE AND POTENTIALLY A NEW GREAT FRIEND! IT CAN BE ANY CITIZEN OR A MORE EXPERIENCED NEWCOMER.
YOUR CURRENT POINTS: 0
WHY NOT START EARNING SOME WITH YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT?
START ANY BEGINNER COURSE AT THE ACADEMY AND KEEP YOUR ATTENDANCE RATE OVER 80% — WORTH 50 POINTS
(OPTIONAL) FIND SOMEBODY WHO IS WILLING TO BECOME YOUR BUDDY — WORTH 20 POINTS
Without stopping to check if the vending machines offered anything good, G made her way through the dreamy garden and entered the inner yard that looked just like everything here: nothing too eye-catching at first glance but secrets hidden everywhere.
One thing she had already noticed was that most of the people had another piece of technology on their bodies besides the comm on their wrists: a sort of extendable visor that some of them kept engaged at all times. Those who were focused on the screen had a comical look on their faces, a thousand-mile stare, eyes wide even as they were talking to each other or going about their business. It was unclear yet why they would engage the screen for so long though. No one needed this much time to read a notification or check a map.
Take a group of young students by the fountain, for example. They seemed deep in conversation with each other yet their pupils didn’t focus on the person in front, but on the translucent screen over the top part of their faces. Was it some kind of virtual reality helmet?
If so, G needed one, too.
Perhaps she’d be able to make new friends this way.
There was something else that caught Gentry’s eye. Despite her initial disappointment about the severe lack of male hotness in the streets, people of both sexes seemed to really care about their appearance. Even those who probably weren’t naturally stunning were very interesting to look at not least because of the crazy fashion sense everyone here had. Never before had G seen so much variety in what everyone wore: countless variations on different national garments, some looking very traditional, like something one could see in a theatre, some — futuristic uniforms straight out of a sci-fi movie. It didn’t seem like anyone was concerned with gender norms here, too. At least in when it came to the outfits.
G hoped she didn’t look like a creepy stalker when her gaze lingered on a pair of very nicely shaped legs stretching from underneath a plaid skirt that belonged to a young man in the group sat by the edge of the water. A pair of snow-white knee-highs, flat loafers and neat raven hair with some blue streaks completed the image. His clothes fit him very well and weren’t inappropriate in the least: something an old money university student would wear.
A female student that is.
And he wasn’t alone. Here and there, among more conventionally dressed people, there were people wearing all sorts of things: a crazy mix of goth-like apparel but barefoot, men and women with heads covered with scarves, people in strange jewelery that looked like it weighed a ton and so on. Most importantly, no one seemed to care what the others looked like.
Was it paradise? Looks like the demo didn’t lie: it was heaven on earth.
The young man in the middle of the student gaggle caught her staring after all. With a dazzling smile, he waved in her direction as if they were great friends, and G waved back, face heating, hoping there wasn’t anyone behind her this tease was actually waving at. Thank god his shoes weren’t heeled, otherwise she would definitely have a heart attack right here, in the middle of the common area, on her first day.
Did he notice her ogling his legs? Judging by the giggles of his friend's entourage, they all did. The young flirt covered his mouth, eyes wide in mock indignation and pulled his knees in, as if hiding them from the improper attention, getting even more laughter from the rest of the company. G averted her eyes and tried to calm her breathing as she was on her way through the yard again, but before they all disappeared from her field of view, she noticed the coquette stretch his legs again and fall back on a friend of his, embracing the lucky man’s neck in an affectionate gesture, already forgetting G existed.
There was no way she wasn’t going to make some pretty boy do the same for her. Forget the assignment, put that in the list of her top priorities!
At first, Gentry was lost when she failed to find any kind of class schedule and there was no one to ask at the reception desk.
Why have a reception desk if nobody’s on duty?
Soon, however, it occurred to her that there was no schedule: each room within the wide marble corridors had a small display with a handwritten message scribbled on it.
Bachata for beginners
Product engineering (Tuesday class cancelled)
Colloidal chemistry (revision today)
None of these were the Communications course that Jey was talking about, but the variety definitely made G’s eyebrows go up.
Was she just supposed to barge into any class and sign up? Did she have to sign up later if she liked the subject? Was it ok to choose any?
After some wandering around, too scared to just walk in uninvited or ask others for directions, she finally stumbled across the door saying:
Communication & decision making course (Newcomers welcome)
With the desks arranged in a horseshoe and the people of various ages that were also apparently Newcomers, it all seemed comfortably casual. Everyone was chatting as she walked in, paying G no mind so she busied herself with the wristcomm that dinged at exactly the right time to save her the embarrassment of looking for a desk.
Would you like to enroll in this course? Scroll down to read the description.
Was this damn thing a spying device? Did it just know which room she was in? Jey didn’t joke when she said the little thing was going to be her primary aid!
“Are you looking for somewhere to sit?” called a young red-haired woman at one of the paired desks. “Here, this one is free.” She had the auglasses on, like everyone else, but they were off, showing her lively face and a pair of sharp green eyes.
“Thanks,” G said, gratefully taking the offer. “I’m new here, don’t know how things work yet.”
“It’s alright, the course is very engaging, you’ll love it.” — the woman held out a hand — “I’m Sereen, what’s your name?”
G shook the warm palm. “It’s Gentry. And by new I mean I’m new to Ashtapada, not just the course. Literally arrived yesterday.”
“Really?” — S looked surprised — “Everything must be very confusing!”
“You have no idea,” G smiled. “I’m glad someone understands. Everyone’s friendly but acts as if giant mechanical dogs in the streets and a moss garden in the lobby are the most normal things ever.”
“Don’t worry, I was just like you when I first arrived, you’ll get the hang of it soon.”
“Hope so! Is that the lecturer?”
“Shhh...”
Just like everything else in Ashtapada, the lecture started out normal enough only to unfold into something completely alien to how things were normally done.
Apparently, the Communications course involved learning rationality, debating, logic, etiquette and god knew what else. It was supposed to give the future citizens tools to, well, communicate. G was given a booklet with some ground rules for beginners that included entries that sounded like something Sun Tzu would say if he studied debating instead of warcraft.
“The purpose of any argument is not to win it and not to change the other disputant’s mind. It’s to find the truth.”
“Always argue in good faith.”
“Don’t attack your opponent.”
“If attacked, dismiss the attack as if it didn’t happen.”
Well, hopefully, it only meant verbal attacks! G knew too well that when it came to physical violence, it was hard to ignore it.
Most of the rules looked straightforward enough, some were confusing.
“Seek challenge to your convictions. Avoid echo chambers.”
“Don’t seek being right.”
“Be mindful of your audience including yourself.”
“Avoid “Empty arguments” that don’t bring everyone closer to the goal of finding the truth.”
The lecturer, a willowy man of about sixty that drowned in his tweed jacket, started the class with a bit of small talk with the regulars after distributing the booklets to all first-timers. He made sure to give it to G face down so that his photo under the “About the author” title didn’t go unnoticed. He also made most of the “talk” part himself.
“I never took part in a debate,” G told Sereen, who was patiently waiting for the class to begin. “And never seen anything like these rules. Is it actually useful?”
“Oh, believe me, professor Poe will be ecstatic to talk to you about them. He can’t not start discussing his subject at the slightest provocation. Look.” — she raised her hand — “Professor, how was your weekend?”
The man wearily smiled. “That might seem like a meaningless question, Sereen, but it’s actually very much related to the topic we are going to cover today.”
“See?” — S raised her eyebrows with a suppressed smile. G giggled. This promised to be interesting.
“Our friend Sereen is a very polite person, isn’t she?” — Poe smiled at the class but his eyes glided over everyone’s faces, gaze turned inwards like he was reading an invisible text written on the walls. “But as kind as she is, I don’t think she’s actually interested in how my weekend went. Small talk is just a social custom we engage in to strengthen our social relations. Why don’t we just start a day by saying “Hi! I value our relationship and would like to fulfill my societal role!” to everyone we know? I would definitely prefer THAT over the small talk! He-he!”
The audience laughed politely. The guy seemed alright.
“However, just as we use different tools to fulfill this role in different contexts, so can the context of a logical problem steer our thinking towards a rational, that is, right, and an irrational, that is, wrong, answer.”
“Well, that’s not a given,” Gentry mumbled under her breath but it went unnoticed by S, who was already immersed in the lecture.
“Consider the famous René Descartes’s quote "Cogito, ergo sum". Who can translate it from Latin?” — the board behind the thin, almost transparent man glowed, displaying the words.
“Is it really a Beginner’s course?” G asked Sereen in a low voice but her companion was already raising her hand, together with a dozen other students.
“I think, therefore I am,” she said after a curt nod of the lecturer’s permission.
“Very good,” he continued, pleased. “I taught you well. Those of you who attend my lectures regularly are familiar with the notion of solipsism, which states that the only thing we can be sure about is our own thoughts.”
Gentry looked at S with raised eyebrows.
If this is an introductory course, what was the advanced like?
Sereen didn’t seem to perplexed. She was fully following the thread.
“However,” professor Poe said. “I am going to challenge that notion by demonstrating that we can’t trust our own mind when it comes to perceiving reality.”
He looked at the audience with a quizzical eye, and pointed at Gentry with a long bony finger “You, new girl. I want you to close your eyes.”
Why her?
Gentry was only happy to hide behind her eyelids. No doubt the whole room was now staring at her.
Through the blood rushing in her ears, she heard the old man’s voice, “Who was sitting beside you before you closed your eyes?”
“My new friend Sereen,” G answered and heard a little gasp of appreciation from the woman.
“So you know she existed as long as you two were whispering behind my back. However, now that you can’t see or hear her. How do you know she exists?”
“Well, I can reach with my hand and touch her,” Gentry said, demonstrating.
“Yes, this is what most people answer,” Poe said. “You can open your eyes now. But let me ask you this: how would you know it was her, an not some other person that took her place?”
Gentry’s intuition was right: everyone was staring, as if waiting for her answer.
“Well, I suppose— ”
“Hush, it was a rhetorical question,” the professor cut her off. “The correct answer is that you can’t know that. We think we can trust our senses or at least our thoughts, but this is also false. Everyone, look out of the window.”
Everyone did.
The day was as fine as Gentry was annoyed.
What did this pops think of himself?
“I’d ask what you see, but I already know the answer,” he went on. “All of you would say “the sky”. And all of you would be wrong, because sky doesn’t exist. We only see the endless emptiness of the outer space, but perceive it as a blue dome. It’s an illusion, a phantom, born out of our collective unconscious.”
Sereen whispered, lost in the lecture, “Ah, yes, Carl Jung.”
What?
Was it supposed to be obvious?
“But listen to this,” he continued, voice booming like a demiurge’s in the completely silent room. “Listen to this. How many words is it? Listentothis. Our common sense says it’s three words while in reality it’s just a string of sounds I an producing with my mouth. I am literally making you hallucinate the spaces between the words I’m saying. With knowing that our perception is so flawed, how can we know that we even know how to think?”
“I’m sorry, professor, I disagr...” G started but got struck down by his serrated gaze.
“I’ll invite questions at the end, young miss,” he chopped out.
Sereen’s eyes were sympathetic. It looked like most if not all of professor Poe’s students had learned not to interrupt him.
He went on, “Anyway, the fact that you even understand what I am saying is in itself incredible and shouldn’t be possible.”
“But it IS possible, right?” G whispered to Sereen. “I mean, aren’t we understanding this as he speaks?”
“PLEASE refrain from talking unless asked!” professor Poe roared.
Impressive lung capacity for such a frail human being!
G begrudgingly did as she was told. The guy seemed to be enjoying this power trip a bit too much to her taste.
“Now, since most of you,” he put some emphasis on the word to shut up another pair of whispering students. “Most of you think you comprehend my words, you must know that there is a way to tell that something is real, even though we can’t rely on our senses for perception. I’m giving you a minute to discuss with your partners what it might be.”
G considered it. She and Sereen exchanged equally confused glances.
Like a dutiful student, S started summarising Poe’s arguments but Gentry listened with only half an ear. She felt that behind all this over-thinking was a clear and simple answer.
She watched the professor walk along the aisles, tuning into one or another conversation before leaving each with a smug head shake of disapproval.
What was there to think about? Even if they didn’t see the world precisely as it was, something was definitely real, right? The chair she felt under her buttocks, the air around, the low murmur of the students. The annoying professor that… looked a little too translucent.
Gentry waited for the man to approach their desks and tune into Sereen’s musings. As he came so near they could reach out and touch him, Gentry did just that.
To her utter shock, her hand went through the old jacket and sent a wave of static over the professor’s figure, his whole form glitching and flickering.
Professor Poe was a hologram!
Unable to help herself, Gentry said, “No wonder you don’t think anything is real, Professor, you are hardly real yourself!”
The whole roomful of people stared, transfixed, at the surreal scene of a student’s arm disappearing into the teacher’s abdomen.
Gentry looked back at Sereen in search of support.
Was it laughter in her eyes?
Poe’s blood drained from his face, the mouth slacked open, twitching as if trying to form some words, but none came out.
Sereen chimed in, “You never told us you were a simulation, Professor.”
“Out!” Poe gritted lowly so that no one really heard him.
“I’m sorry?” G asked, innocently.
“Out of my class!” he exploded, jumping out of Gentry’s reach with an enraged grimace. “I am as real as you are!”
G stood up and looked at her hand then back at Professor Poe.
How much rage could storm in those watery eyes?
Then, she winked at her new friend.
“Let’s go then, shall we?” she said.
Sereen looked lost for a second, her eyes darting pack and forth between Gentry and Poe. Then, her gaze seemed to cloud a little, as if she retreated into her own head, but when she resurfaced, she nodded with a mischievous smile.
Both young women left the room, the classmates’ sympathetic silence and Poe’s angry seething seeing them off.
***
“What a way to start my first day,” Gentry said. “My hands are still trembling a bit.”
She and S were calming their nerves in the green winter garden, the soothing sound of the little running streamlet at their feet a welcome distraction.
“Believe it or not, his course is actually quite useful,” Sereen laughed. “Who would have thought the old Poe is actually not human? I guess we never thought of poking him in the stomach before. This is going to be the talk of the Academy for the next month or so!”
“Is it? I feel bad now. I guess I’m not getting any points for attending this lecture, right?” — Gentry checked her wristcomm — “It says “zero progress” and something else… ad.. Honi… adhonim…”
Sereen laughed, “Yeah, you adhominem’ed good old Poe, no wonder you got zero credit!”
“What does it mean?”
“You’ve seen the rules of learning and discourse, right?” S said. “There are no-nos, things that aren’t allowed, especially when it comes to Rationality classes and the like. Ad Hominem means an attack on the speaker, not their argument. It isn’t exactly what you did, but I guess it’s the closest thing!”
“Ad Hominem, huh,” G said. “Well, I guess I deserve it then. Thanks for standing by me.”
If it wasn’t for Sereen, G wasn’t sure she would be going to return to the Academy any time soon!
“You just chose a wrong course as your first class, G,” — no doubt about that! — “But another lecturer who works here is much more open-minded and he also teaches Rationality. I think you’ll enjoy him more than our old Poe. His next class is in a couple of days. Wanna come?”
***
DEAR GENTRY!
CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING AN OPTIONAL ASSIGNMENT! 20 POINTS HAVE BEEN ADDED TO YOUR STATUS COUNTER.

TL;DR: Noise sensitivity and other weird symptoms like popping/creeking and hearing my heartbeat. Possibly fluid in ears from sinus/allergies? Can fluid, or sinuses/mold, or a virus, cause these symptoms?
Hello everyone. Apologies in advance, I just found this community and this might be long but I just want to explain my symptoms so that someone might be able to ease my mind. Just for some background this is over the course of the last 13ish days. I have tinnitus but I don’t think it’s relevant because it is anxiety induced, or at least I don’t have any hearing loss as of last year.
Around the 24th/25th I started hearing an involuntary clicking/popping noise in my left ear. This was accompanied by a small tickling/pain sensation in the left ear. I thought I had tiny amount of ear drainage at nights but thought I could be making it up. Went to urgent care on 27th and doctor said there was no fluid behind my ear. Basically said there was no problem.
After the urgent care day I started to get sensitivity to noises in my left ear. I am a musician and it was enough to have me stop singing. It’s since been not as bad, I can wear headphones again, but still notice it a little bit in my left ear. I also proceeded to get post-nasal drip, like a swallowing mucus sensation, and just feeling slightly crummy in general. Now when I swallow I get the sound of releasing pressure in my ears like when you go on a plane or change altitudes. This is also a popping noise but it’s different from the involuntary one. The involuntary one is loud and has a long duration of back and forth.
I also started hearing my heartbeat in my right ear and feeling a slight fullness feeling, but it wasn’t enough to make me confident it was fluid. Thankfully the hearing my heart beat in my right ear is not as often and the involuntary popping in my left stopped for a few days (is now back sometimes but quieter). I still get them when in certain neck positions or straining during exercises, or when I get a high moment of stress and my heart beats a little harder, but I’m just thankful it’s not as often/periodic anymore.
On the 29th I went to the nurse practitioner at the actual hospital and she thinks it may be allergies. She didn’t see any fluid either. Started Sudafed and Flonase (as per her recommendation) and I had lots of ear drainage the same day. I think it was the Sudafed because apparently Flonase takes a few days to work. As a weird detail, the drainage smelled like the Flonase… just thought it was weird and should mention it.
Went back to the nurse on the 3rd and they looked in my nose this time. Said my left nostril was so swollen that they don’t know how I was breathing out of it. I felt no resistance or congestion, I felt fine as far as that went. They prescribed me the steroid dexamethasone 0.75 mg for 7 days twice a day. At first I thought it spiked my tinnitus but it actually started to help it a lot.
Since I’ve been done the steroid, I took one Zyrtec to help my post-nasal drip, and I got a huge spike in my T back. It could be coincidence, as it hasn’t gone back down much. I’ve had headaches, face swelling, feeling of pressure in my ears, lots of ear fluid one night, maybe even a low grade fever one night but my thermometer is not trustworthy.
When I wake up my ears feel like they have this pressure but I’m pretty sure it’s not affecting my hearing. It’s so weird that I’m getting different symptoms in different ears, and how I got the popping sounds before noticing any fluid. My doctor says this could be a virus, but I’m seeing the ENT for the first time tomorrow. I’m scared they’re not going to see anything and send me off.
The only two things I can think of that caused this was that I was riding in my friends car for a long time one night that week and the car had a mildew smell. Other thing is that I rode in a separate friends loud convertible that maybe the exhaust pipe noises caused these symptoms, but I don’t know how hearing damage can cause fluid and nasal inflammation.
Another thing I think about is that my grandpa hated loud noises… but I really hope this isn’t connected. He likely never wore ear protection and always worked around boat engines and engineering docks since a kid. My grandma said she has had similar situations as me in the past where she gets ear fluid and noise sensitivity from sinuses so I’m praying that it is temporary 🙏

Right, I don't post on Reddit often. However I just want to share this. So, I'm playing the Honest Hearts DLC and I absolutely hate it so far. It's not hitting me, y'know? I'm just like getting through it at this point and just skipping the dialogue to get the gist. I love the little area of Zion, but otherwise it's dull. The worst bit? No radio.
I cannot STAND this game without the radio! Having no radio genuinely just makes the combat so blatantly terrible that I'm just bored. Not to mention how little is in Zion, most of the things to kill are just mole rats and geckos, or the occasional bug, sometimes a bear (which dies in like 3 shots to the head??)
Anyway, I decide to play a bunch of old timey music in the back to make up for this which increases the enjoyment by at least a good 50%, and I get rlly intrigued in this Survivalist's storyline. So, I just dive into it, running around to find any location possible to connect. I'm actually missing ONE other note at this point.
I know his wife and kid died and he got lucky to survive, he hid out unable to kill himself, and eventually moved on. However, I don't know what the fuck happens in-between that, because suddenly he's just killing a bunch of 22 Vault Dwellers, so I'm lost. Then, he impregenates one a year later (after EATING the last remaining Vault Dwellers) and she dies in miscarriage.
Suddenly, I'm desperately trying to find more. I'm on some fucking random cliff trying to shoot a Yaoi Guai up from above when my game crashes. I load my last save, which was just facing a bit away from the cliff. So I start heading up, and there he fucking is. That same duffel bag, just layin there in front of me. I'm like OH SHIT, and I'm on it, I'm reading that juicy gossip from this fella, and then... he's fucking God? Is this man Zion's praised God? This is like a whole section of the Wasteland's Bible and it's just some old dude who survived long enough to give some nice letters to a bunch of random kids, who ended up becoming the tribes of Zion for years to come? It's genius. I love it.
To make this even better, that little playlist I had? It was playing Praise God and Pass the Ammunition. Made this DLC a far, far better experience.

My gf turned 21 a week ago and we went to a dispensary on her bday to celebrate. Prior to going I was nervous that she would like it and get more into it. Normally I wouldn’t care, but I have some friends that smoke weed all the time and are pretty much dependent on it to live out their lives. Seeing them in their state makes me so sad because they are my very close friends and it’s gotten to the point that they seem like different people, and I was so nervous she’d end up like them.
I decided to drive her there because I thought it might ease my mind just to be a part of it, but instead it just got me thinking about it more. On the drive back it was all I could think about and my gf knew something was up. I told her about how I felt and how I still wanted her to do it and have fun but I do have the underlying thought that she might end up like my friends and it breaks my heart. I told her that I know it’s an irrational thought and that I know it won’t happen but I just can’t kick the thought.
She then told me she doesn’t want to use it anymore and it made me feel even worse. She said she wouldn’t want to do it anymore because of how worried and uncomfortable it makes me. But I still feel like I ruined that part of her turning 21 and I feel horrible making her not want to do it anymore as well as her spending the money on the stuff just to not use it. I kept telling to to do it and have fun and not to worry about me but she still won’t give. I just care about her so much and it would kill me to know I ruined it for her. I just don’t know what to do and any advice is helpful, thank you.
Tl;dr: gf turned 21 and i told her i was worried about her smoking weed and now she doesn’t want to do it anymore and i feel bad for ruining it.

Hey everyone, I have this long rant that I harbored deep down in my heart for a long time, I don't know if any of you will agree with me, but I hope it'll make you see where I'm coming from and what you might've missed, and please remember that all what is written below is just my own opinion, if you don't like it, you can ignore it as you wish, and if you have anything to say, feel free to share it here and i'll try respond to them. also there are some spoilers, so be careful...
https://preview.redd.it/67r2l7f5gg0d1.jpg?width=1124&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c025f1222db997499184ec35b5f1a6ab0b602fa3
(source: https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=66061432 )
Ciel/Rio (aka. Kirarin/Pikario or KiraPika) is the worst sibling relationship I've ever seen, and Ciel is a terrible Cure and even the worst in my book, and the fact that many people really think all of these were good and "well-written" in any way just confuses me, like, what's the takeaway from all of this?
For starters, the conflict between the twins itself felt underdeveloped, like it didn't explain why the two wanted to become patissiers and Precures so hard and if there's any fairy that has become a Cure in the past, what's the difference between them and what each one has and the other doesn't, and why Rio wasn't as good as Ciel and where he messed up, not "she's just better than him ;)", although granted, low self esteem can be vaild enough, but it still would be fun if they focused on why, so his arc would be about him becoming more confident and accepting himself with others' help.
Also, While Ciel's insensitivity and arrogance were valid flaws, her neglect for Rio to focus more on her training felt jarring to me, because she didn't give the impression that she's the kind of person who'd leave their beloved one behind, and her excuse wasn't quite convincing, like I think she would've helped Rio with pleasure if he talked to her about his problems in the first place, but that's impossible because the writer needs an excuse for Parfait to exist. It would've been believable if she at least went to Paris alone, but she took him with her and then she irresponsibly left him behind in a place they're unfamiliar with, if anything, it just makes her look like a cold jerk, especially since she became a celebrity during all of that, not to mention that after she became a Cure, all of these flaws disappeared completely without being explored.
Not to mention that her brother was the only one who suffered from her mistakes and she barely showed any concern for him throughout the show.
As for their relationship, there's no weight to it whatsoever, we didn't see how Rio helps his sister (outside of turning her into Precure somehow), it's Ciel who does almost everything for him, and she seemed perfectly fine without him. And on top of that, the twins have no chemistry together whatsoever, after Rio came back from his pointless coma, all of their interactions are just Ciel clinging and fawning over her uncomfortable brother without showing any respect for his personal space and that's it, there's not even a single banter or casual (read: normal) conversation between the two that doesn't involve some sloppy melodrama, it's not cute or charming at all, it's just toxic and unpleasant to watch, Rio's interactions with Ichika were better than any moment between him and his sister even if he was faking at the time, and as someone who normally enjoys sibling relationships, it was disappointing to me. And no, time is not a good excuse for that, you could write two characters with good chemistry together in a short amount of time if you tried (see the first Yukari/Akira episode).
Heck, after Rio woke up, she just jumped into him happily as if he came back from traveling or something, which's kind of an underwhelming reaction considering that he was in a serious coma that he might not wake up from, like a lot of comatose people irl.
As for Ciel, I can't stand even looking at her, even if I ignored how her relationship with Rio makes her unlikable, she simply doesn't work as a main character, she's very boring and unnecessary and doesn't have any personal challenges or anything else to her character that could make her slightly interesting and relatable, and it feels like almost all of her episodes are more about making her looks cool and qUiRkY, but instead they just made her overpowered, kinda like Mana except neither hilarious nor interesting. not to mention how Rio and Bibury are nothing but cheerleaders for her despite being more interesting on their own unlike Ciel. I was also very enraged at how she ended up getting closer to Ichika, it should've been Rio considering his interpersonal issues and how he interacted with the latter first.
And the way she transformed into a Cure just makes her look like she took advantage of her brother for her gain even if she didn't mean it, and her saying that Cure Parfait was "their miracle" in episode 41 was so meaningless because yes, Rio helped her for that in episode 23, but A. it was unintentional, and B. she never needed his help again and after she said that dumb line, she was fighting Elysio all by herself in the same episode, showing that it's all just talks.
I also don't understand why people think that Rio was "well-developed" and episode 41 was good, because, among other problems, it honestly rendered Rio's whole arc completely pointless at the end. Yes, Ciel will help him to get better (although she had no reason for not doing that in the first place), but what about his experience with Noir and other characters? did they leave any impact on his character eventually? what's the diffrence between pre and post-corruption Rio? did his skills improved for real or he only succeed because his was around him? Did he befriend Ichika and others for real or was Ciel just dragging him with her again? And more importantly, what did he accomplish or gain from all of this? none of that was answered.
I wouldn't mind that if it was just a one or two-episode conflict, but for something that spanned for most of the show, it's so exaperating, because, again, WHAT IS THE TAKEAWAY FROM ALL OF THIS?!
Sometimes it really feels like Rio is two different characters (Julio and Pikario), and Pikario was a last-minute addition that was created while the writer was coming up with a backstory for Julio, and while this is just my pet theory, I feel like there is enough evidence for that, like the 16-episode coma, how his character arc felt so rushed and unfinished, and how he felt so removed from his sister's life and all of his appearances in the last 10 episodes felt like an afterthought, as well as his complete absence in the manga.
Also for the record, I don't care that he didn't become a Precure as some others do, even though it was odd for a series like Precure to say that Rio wants to be a Cure and then ignore that later, and there was absolutely no reason for him to lose his power in episode 40 .
I could go on what's wrong with episode 41 and how to salvage Rio's character arc and Ciel as a whole, but i think what i said was enough, Thanks for reading.

So I'm a travel nurse on assignment in Colorado. While here I met this guy 2 months ago. We've seen each other a few times, have adventures, but we aren't dating. I recently found out I'm pregnant. I live across the country full time. I'm only here until the end of the summer. I'm not sure how involved he wants to be yet, but right now I'm planning for the worst. I really like Colorado and was in the process of maybe moving here before this happened, however all my family is in South Carolina. Cost of living is higher in Colorado but so is pay. Baby daddy is in Colorado. I know I can afford the baby without help. My only concern is childcare since I work night shift 3 12 hour shifts a week. If I go back home I know I have people who can help and I don't have that here, but the healthcare and childcare assistance in Colorado is better. I'd like the babys father to be involved and I would hate to be across the country and him lose out on so many experiences. The logical thing says to go home, but my heart loves Colorado. Most of my friends and family assume I'm moving out here anyway because of how I talk about it. I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. Anyone have any advice or input? So far this pregnancy has been tough and I'm only 5 weeks in. I throw up 4-5 times a day, I'm dizzy, I had diarrhea so bad my butthole was bleeding and I'm just full of anxiety. If I had a supportive partner that I was in a relationship with I think things would be easier. Part of me doesn't want to go home because my mom is a caregiver to my grandmother who's slowly dying and I don't want to add to her stress levels. I guess I need to run the financial numbers and see what's going to make the most sense. Typing this out actually helped...

I need honest opinions on this subject because I am stuck. My mother has played a huge part in my life, I am her only child. I grew up in a one parent family for much of my childhood. When I got engaged she was the first person I told. During the planning of my wedding she and my stepdad purchased my dress, I can't lie and say that I love it but knowing that they did made me happy. Throughout the planning of my wedding I have always tried so much to make sure that she's considered. She has been very focused on her outfit. She messaged me a picture of her chosen outfit and my heart sunk, it's mainly white with small blue flowers on. I try to explain to her as thoughtfully worded and polite that even though the dress is lovely I don't feel like it's appropriate. I wouldn't wear such a white outfit to a wedding and that I would of liked her to ask me first. She became extremely upset with me and told me that I was being horrible having a go at her and that I want her to look like an idiot. She never considered that her choice of outfit might also hurt my feelings. I don't want to fall out with my mum. I also feel like the guests would consider the dress to be inappropriate and the photos together are going to look very odd. I would like to know if I am being unreasonable by asking my mother not to wear white ?. How do I move forward and keep the peace ?.

Warning long post.
Men of Reddit that have had successful long term relationships please help.
My current relationship me 33M her 31F unofficially started around two years ago. Met on Facebook dating and had a great date but we both had recently exited our past relationships and weren’t really looking to settle down. We hung out regularly, went to concerts and hooked up. This lasted for basically a year.
The last half of that year she was telling me she wanted something real with me and she had never felt this way. I had similar feelings and after a year of courting we became officially a couple.
Within a few weeks of becoming a couple it comes out that she had hooked up with multiple other people and even dated a guy for a few weeks because she genuinely thought I would never move forward with her. She had told me he was a friend during that time and there was at least one more that she hooked up with.
I took some time and really considered leaving her. My heart was completely broken, yes we weren’t official but we had had a conversation where we both agreed we were just sleeping with each other. In the end I decided to forgive her since I wasn’t perfect and was definitely wishy washy about it. Typically we’re both highly sexual people and I realize if I was an attractive woman I may have done what she did.
Now we’re a year in, no cheating… I’ve watched closely. We’ve blocked countless Random’s on Instagram etc. she’s been pretty good about changing those habits and making me feel secure. Our sex like up until recently was amazing. Like twice a day was a slow day. I loved that about her because I’ve always been high libido.
In February she gets pregnant and basically since then we don’t have any physical intimacy. Idk what to do, this has poisoned past relationships for me. I’m trying to be understanding that she’s pregnant and feels weird but it still gets to me.
So two questions

1. Does anyone have tips on how to get a woman interested in sex more often? I’m doing everything I can to not be a pest to her about it and spend my time cleaning, cooking and taking care of the house. Any other things I can try?
   
2. How do I stop ruminating on this? I constantly crave her and feel bitter that she was so sexual for so many others and even risked losing me for those sexual experiences but here I am wanting to build a life with her and I can’t even get the slightest attention once a month? That thought narrative just makes me bitter about the whole thing.
   
3. Will her sex drive come back? I’m basically swallowing the pill that I won’t have a sex life for a year and then there will be a screaming baby in the house.
   

By end it I mean the relationship. And I know it is so hard and so you may not be able to realize it’s bad until looking back on it in months or years, but it is. If you’re a minor talking to someone that’s an adult and significantly older than you, there is a mental gap in understanding. Their frontal lobe is fully developed, meaning that they can see consequences more and possibly how bad they could turn out, depression, anxiety, trust issues, etc. There is no excuse to say that they don’t understand that.
They can be treating you like the nicest princess/Prince in the world and so it is hard to let go. I had one that comforted me and made me feel cared for all the time but he was also s-xting with me while being 26 and I was less than half of his age back then. I only recently looked back and realized it was manipulation, or at the very least that he didn’t care about me as much as I thought he did. For me personally, the amount of times I cried/stressed/worried if I was being groomed were far larger than the amount of times I felt “loved” by him.
I can answer the question for y’all too. If you’re 13 and 20 doing s-xual things, it’s not love. If you’re 15 and 30 doing s-xual things, it’s not love. If you’re 17 and 40 doing s-xual things It’s. Not. Love. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It’s not love no matter how much they make you feel loved, cared for, etc. the cons outweigh the pros. If any adult is acting s-xually with you, there’s no excuse and they need to know better. It is not love, it’s grooming it’s manipulation.
Again with it being hard, it definitely was at least for me I’ve gone through literally over 30 guys, one in particular making me feel really loved. But yall, please work on self love. I promise you it helps. Take like a day, a week, even a few hours, some amount of time without them and do things that show you love yourself. If you’re not getting love in other places besides them try to make friends your own age on discord or other places… I don’t know. Im not a friendship guru but I do know almost anything is better and more healthy than that. If you’ve ever cried for this person, stressed for them, or wonder if you’re being groomed, you’ve also got to wonder if they’ve ever cried over you, because that says a lot. And even if you come to the conclusion you’re not being groomed, I’d say if you have that question in the first place it’s a good reason to just end it if you are not sure, it’s better than f-cking around and finding out, literally.
A quick little rant because I see those posts a lot here and I really do worry for y’all, I was in your position before where I convinced myself it was love despite me stressed, despite me not knowing if he was grooming me or not, etc. because of how “lovingly” he acted towards me. I’ll say that if you’re a minor and any adult acts s-xually with you, block them before it gets worse regardless of if they are nice to you or not. There’s billions of other people and I’m sure you can find a healthier relationship with that, you do not need them. Yeah this post is long asl but I’m just trying to give y’all advice to prevent the grooming from continuing. If y’all got any more questions or still don’t know my dms are open.

hi, i, 18f, am looking for some advice. here’s the story. my ex boyfriend of about five months randomly ghosted me three months ago, he claimed he was busy with life and would promise that he would make time for me when i’d go crying to him asking for him to at least act like he loves me and he would promise he would but he didn’t. this cycle happened three times and i started to kind of fall out of love with each disappointment and i ultimately ended up breaking things off, he asked me to wait for him two months before i talk to anyone else because he felt by then he would have his issues figured out and i said yes, though i wasn’t convinced he was coming back. during this time a friend i had known for about a year had told me that he was going through a breakup as well so we started hanging out more often, he is 23. i looked to him as a kind of mentor and i never had seen anything happening with him ever, as dispite us being friends, we would barely ever talk. the breakups and us not wanting to be lonely pushed us to do so and bond a bit more, as i know this friend online we’d call and stream movies then fall asleep on the phone after a friend suggested since we both didn’t wanna be alone at night, we do so, a month or so after this and there started to be a tension that both of us felt, i was worried that this was just a rebound tension and didn’t really act on it and as a matter of fact considered distancing myself, he felt this as well and made a move after a while, i told him my concern and he said he doesn’t feel that’s the case and so we started to flirt casually, a month or so after this my ex came back, he messaged me saying how he had been working the past two months for me and etc, it was a very confusing time and emotions went all over the place as sometimes the words he’d say would just make my heart ache and i took it for love, i leave the guy i’m talking to and try to figure things out with my ex but i can’t seem to really be comfortable so i decided it wasn’t love and went and did my own thing, eventually the guy messaged, asked how me and my ex are and time skip, we are flirting again. he asked me to officially be talking to him a bit after this. my ex comes back and it’s a bunch of crying every time we have a conversation on both ends but i tell him i don’t think i love him, he is persistent and stubborn and wants to show me he isint the guy who ghosted me and that he can keep his word, in his mind i do love him, but a lot of fear is holding me back from talking to him again, i personally don’t know how to feel right now. we call again and he confessed he purposely lied and distanced himself because he didn’t wanna break up with me but also didn’t want me to suffer being with a busy man, i argued that i would’ve stayed and he apologized and was saying he was doing what he thought was right. another time skip to where we are now, i’ve been keeping my ex as a friend since this little talk, he’s been respecting me now dating this guy(it’s been three days) despite the fact that i was unsure exactly how to feel as i do care for this guy but events had lead me to reaching out to his ex, he’s one of those guys who seem picture perfect, and due to life situations i was overthinking so i asked her for anything she had to tell me, come to find out he had ghosted her, blocked her out of nowhere as a breakup, and earlier that day that he had broken up with her, he had made a suggestive comment to me. this comment was him pretending he had a friend who’s a bit older that liked his other friend who’s a bit younger, same age gap. i didn’t catch on to this at the time but i was like , it’s weird but as long as they’re happy, he told me after we started “talking” that it was because he was into me and wanted to know how i’d react but is now saying he was just curious and it was only platonic. i know this is all hectic but there’s a few more minor details im gonna leave out for everyone’s privacy, where we are now is my ex is asking for another chance and telling me that this guy isint good for me and is having his friend (18f, taken) tell me she feels the same way, i don’t know what i should do. i care for this guy and dont wanna lose our memories but my ex brings up valid points that i dont think is just him “hating” or being petty and this guy seems a bit off when i question him. he was very cold about it over the phone but had claimed it’s because the situation was kinda traumatic for him. i feel like it’s not big enough to breakup over but is also a bother for me.
EDIT: my boyfriend’s ex told me as well that he love bombs, she said he’s a great guy overall but had spoiled her financially and emotionally then just kinda shut down, hence why him being cold was concerning. sorry this is all hectic.

Hey everyone,
I've been struggling with a very destructive pattern of paying for sex for some time now. I don't do it often, and bc of that I've fooled myself into believing that these act-outs are just a series of one-off events brought on by specific stressors in my life, but it has undoubtedly become a pattern and I know that I need some accountability.
For context, from a young age I've always engaged in somewhat deviant (to me) sexual behavior. I was raised very strictly catholic and from a young age was told in school that it was a sin to masturbate. I matured earlier than many boys and started masturbating in 4th grade. The first time scared the hell out of me as I had no idea what was happening. All I knew is it felt good and that I couldn't talk to it about anyone.
In 6th and 7th grade I was spying on my nextdoor neighbors. Two very attractive sisters whose room was right across the way from mine. I would watch them as they showered and changed.
Fast forward to 8th grade - I was in a serious relationship through 9th grade. This was the first time I had sex of any kind with another person. I also was cheating on her with many other girls.
Next was sophomore year of high school. The first time I experienced true love. And the first time I felt I had such a deep connection with someone else that was respectful and honest. And still I ended up cheating on her toward the end of our two years together. We remain friends to this day which I'm very thankful for, and hey it was high school - water under the bridge, young people make mistakes right? maybe, but...
Fast forward to my college years, I was in a very serious relationship for the entirety of college that culminated in marriage right out of school and a subsequent divorce a few years later. She was the one. Beautiful, smart, sexy. She had everything I wanted (or thought I wanted in my juvenile brain). But as we entered our 3rd year of dating, we began to have many serious sexual issues that we would later find out, stemmed from both of our underlying trauma surrounding sex. We continuously played out a very destructive sexual fantasy that was never explicitly spoken about until the very end of our relationship. In addition to this, I also had many emotional and physical affairs along the way.
That failed marriage prompted a complete overhaul of my life. I was devastated and I knew there were many things I needed to sort out if I was ever going to have a healthy relationship to sex and with another person. Thus, I found a therapist. An amazing therapist. I didn't realize how good he was until much later. The work we did together changed my life. I found a stable career. And I found the girl of my dreams. The relationship was calm, respectful, loving, and without the vicious ups and downs I had previously known. The sex was good and meaningful. We are still together - married with three children. And to this day I have not had any sort of emotional connection to anyone else but her.
And yet, I'm here. Early in my relationship with my now-wife, I visited a massage parlor and cheated. I talked about this with my therapist. We dug in and explored why I felt the need to do this and discovered that this acting out had very little to do with my relationship and everything to do with some unresolved issues inside of me. Thus, the advice was to not disclose the transgression to my partner as it would only cause her pain. That took me a minute to understand but I believe it was the right decision. I still do. And with time, I moved past it.
That was my only transgression for a long time. After many years of intensive therapy I was a new man, feeling more confident and secure in myself than I'd ever been. And so on my therapists advice we began to taper off on the sessions until finally we felt the bulk of our work was done and that I we would check in only on a necessary basis.
And then 3 years into my marriage, I acted out again. I visited another sex worker. I was devastated. But I felt confident that I could handle this on my own. I didn't call my therapist. I journaled, I downloaded a sober app, I conducted therapy sessions with myself, and I held myself accountable. And with time I began to feel better until the guilt faded away and after numerous successful moments where I stopped myself from acting out. This gave me a security that I might finally have kicked my issue. And so I went on with life, I didn't think of it often - only when those impulses would arise or I would catch myself drinking a bit too much and experiencing intrusive thoughts.
And then after almost 2 years of sobriety, I did again last week. And I'm crushed. It shakes the foundation I've fought so hard to build. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like a broken person doomed to failure. And my deep fear now is that I've pathologized this behavior. I've normalized it. And that thought sends me into a panic. Is this what my life will be? Will I always have to carry around this shadow self? This is not the man I want to be. This is not the partner or father I want to be.
And what makes it that much more difficult is that my family and friends adore me. I've been referred to as "golden boy" more than a few times. I have an enviable life. And I'm the type of person who friends and family confide in and look up to. I've been told I emanate a quiet strength and people feel safe around me.
And yet, here I am with this terrible secret. I don't feel like the man people think I am or that I portray myself to be. I've called my therapist and we will speak tomorrow, but any words of encouragement or additional resources would be much appreciated. I cannot allow this to happen again. It is eating away at my heart.

My senior year ended two weeks ago as I had no exams during last week's Finals week. Days later, I officially wrapped it up as my time with one of our sports teams came to an end (I'm not a player, but help them out). I've been devastated since then because I loved working with them. They made me feel welcome, appreciated the changes I made to what we did, and made me feel a part or the team. I want to come back in the same role with the team, but that's only if I go to grad school for my master's - they can't pay for it because it's not within their budget. I want to go to grad school - that was always the plan, but I don't know if I want to pay for a M.S. degree in Sport Management when I already have debt from a business degree. I want to work in the sport industry, but not for what would come out to be 60k after six years of schooling. I could look into scholarships, but those are difficult to find for hrsf school, or GA positions, but would I be able to remain full-time with our team?
If I elect not to go to grad school, there's other options at play. I can take a "gap year" from school by saving money, remaining as an intern at a company I've been with, and continue to pad my resume to go to grad school next year (which possibly means working with our team on a part-time basis throughout that "gap year"). That'e not a bad idea, but I want a GA position in that case - that's far from guaranteed. I can work full-time, but I have no idea if that's an option in my field as I cannot move out of the area I grew up in and rely on public transportation. As a result, my options at the moment are limited when it comes to my job search.
My brain's telling me to take the gap year, yet my heart is telling me to go straight to grad school and keep working with our team, even if it means taking out another 30k over two years. For awhile, I've felt that I could use that extra two years of schooling too. I don't want to listen to my heart, but considering I had a blast with our team this year and have always wanted to go to grad school, I'm torn apart. I really want to come back, but it's probably foolish to do so without aid. I am waiting to hear back from other GA positions, so we'll see how that goes.
Just to clarify, I'm not making this decision on a whim. I'll see what aid's out there as well as how I'm feeling emotionally after some time. The decision doesn't have to be made until late July, so plenty of time to consider what's next.
What do we think?

First time posting. Sorry if this is an inappropriate place to post, but I'm not sure what my husband can do in this situation.
My husband works remotely in a call center. He had a heart attack a few years ago and has been on diuretics (medication that gets rid of fluid buildup in your body by making you pee a lot) ever since. This means he has to take many restroom breaks throughout the day.
Last year, they got annoyed at him logging off all the time and insisted that he get a job accomodation for his restroom breaks so they could account for his time off the phone. Okay, fine. We wrestled with his doctor and the company's accomodation team for awhile, but managed to get the accomodation. Then we re-submitted the paperwork last month because they require it every six months. It was approved.
Well, hubby got called into a meeting today. His accomodation says he has six five minute breaks available to him each day (10 hour shift). This was sufficient. However, they are now telling him that he can only have four breaks a day. Their excuse is call volumes.
This is not sufficient. It's a problem. Every one of those six breaks currently gets used for their designated purpose. He's not just using it as an excuse to get off the phone. So with only four breaks, he doesn't know how he can hold it for an hour or more twice a day.
His company doesn't have an HR he can contact. Only corporate has HR. He is in a union, though. My questions are, is this legal? He has an accomodation signed by his doctor and they accepted the re-up of it just last month. Does this count as a disability accomodation? If so, might it be worth it to talk to the union and see if they can pull some strings?
This may seem like a tiny issue to most people, but it's very frustrating for him, for what are hopefully obvious reasons. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

Female Age 26 On Lexapro for 4 years Also on 60 mg Strattera
Like many throughout this sub, I’ve had the unpleasant experience of gaining a TON of weight since starting Lexapro.
While it may be quite wordy, I wanted to share my story in case someone can relate.
Back when COVID started (March 2020), I was pretty much the skinniest I had been during my early adult years and quite muscular for a woman (coming off being a college athlete).
A couple weeks into March 2020, I unfortunately got very sick with (I believe) an early strain of COVID which feels like it completely changed my brain chemistry/gave me crippling full-body anxiety that is still present to this day.
I couldn’t function socially, I constantly felt like I was about to have a heart attack at any second, yet every test said I was perfectly healthy. An onset of chronic pain in my ribs didn’t help much either.
When my doctor asked if I had tried Lexapro, I was eager to see if this new medication would be the magic fix to my new-found anxiety. Luckily… I was right.
Since about mid-2020, I’d primarily been taking 10mg Lexapro - seeing great results with anxiety relief and finally being able to talk myself down from panic attacks. The new downside, I went from being a 5’2” 130 lb college athlete to a 175 lb work-from-homer that barely gets off the couch.
The last two years have been increasingly difficult for me. I’m constantly in pain from the added body weight, physical activities I used to do with ease have only gotten more difficult even though I still have a desire to do them, and I just feel overall shame and embarrassment.
While I know the Lexapro is NOT fully to blame here (my switch to a more sedentary lifestyle makes a major impact as well), it’s wild thinking back at how fast I put the weight on and how it correlated perfectly with when I started my Lexapro journey.
I should’ve realized that the Lexapro was probably not helping my weight gain, however at the time, I really didn’t think of that side effect and mainly attributed my weight to my new life of trying not to upset my chronic pain by sitting all day.
About two months ago, I felt more anxious and upped my dose from 10mg to 15mg all while starting to watch my calories and MAJORLY increase my physical activity. It stumped me why I started also feeling bigger than ever…
TWENTY POUNDS GAINED! I couldn’t believe I actually weighed 195. Surely I was doing the right thing by increasing my exercise and making progress towards my goals?
While I’ve always been a “the number on the scale doesn’t define me as long as I make good decisions for my body” type of person, I immediately made an an appointment with my Psych.
She thankfully heard my concerns and lowered my dose back to 10mg of Lexapro, and added Wellbutrin to see if it would help combat some of the “unpleasant side effects” I was going through (sex drive had completely tanked as well).
I just picked up my script and I’m starting my journey with NOOM, trying to do whatever I can to get on the right path here.
If anyone has had a similar experience or any advice for starting Wellbutrin on top of Lexapro, I would LOVE to hear feedback! It’s been a very tough road for me with all of this, but I finally feel like I’m on the right track and have a clear mind of what I want to work towards.
TL:DR- In total, gained about 65 lbs since starting Lexapro, finally adding Wellbutrin to try to help. Let me know your experience!

Dear M,
Unlike J, I was not only interested in sex. Honestly that was probably last in my mind, ok maybe not LAST but certainly not first.
I know compliments make you uncomfortable and I’m just going to apologize in advance for that. I’m not “love bombing” you either.
I have already talked about your kindness. I don’t think I need to talk more about that.
You’re just all around really interesting. I like hearing about how you interpret your job and your role there. I admire how seriously you take it all and how methodical you are. I like that you are so self confident and self assured, and comfortable with yourself. You have interesting hobbies and accomplishments. I like that you text so formally and in complete sentences. I probably drive you nuts because I don’t. I love that service and giving back means something important to you and that you take it so seriously. I love that you are so reliable. I love that you love your sister. And your cats. And your dad even if he makes you nuts. I spend a lot of time wondering how your mind works and what it’s like in there. I can guarantee you there are not many people who could convince me to work on a 1000 piece puzzle in silence for as long as we did. And I enjoyed every second. I also love that you will talk tone with me as long as I want and even ask me about pump and rpm. I love brainstorming with you and picking out tracks and reviewing new releases together. You always always inspire me to work harder. It can be my coaching, my form, or pushing myself to do something I might be worried or scared about doing (looking at you surfer squats).
Yes, I find you attractive. Your smile can wind me in a way no cardio peak can (hahahaha sorry I couldn’t resist). I get a little distracted if you make eye contact when we’re talking because your eyes are so blue and so sincere. When you pick on me during tone my heart skips a beat and I usually completely forget what we’re doing. I think it’s adorable when you come in on Sunday morning and your voice is so deep because you’re still half asleep. I worry about you when you look tired and seem off. I don’t think you need someone to take care of you. But as someone who loves to take care of people I wish you wanted me to. And you smell better than anyone has a right to smell. Even sweaty. It’s not fair. I know you’re self conscious about how much you sweat but it’s not that much and you never smell bad.
But all of that? I noticed AFTER I got to know you, the tiny part of the real you I have seen. I never looked at you and first saw someone I wanted to sleep with. I saw someone who I thought of as a friend. The attraction came after. So that’s why I am working so very hard to let go of this. I did hear what you told me the other night. You don’t see the point in dating. You’re not interested in kids or marriage and maybe not even sex or a companionship. I could sit here all day and try to change your mind. I don’t want any more kids and my kids don’t need another parent. I never want to get married or maybe even live with someone again. Friendship is always going to trump sex for me. But that would be incredibly disrespectful to you and honestly very hurtful to me. I can’t change your mind. So I have to try to let this go.
Love, A

Who wants to help me test a prophecy 💀 Tbh I just need group energy It’s one of those lost prophecies, ya know, one of those lost due to racism trying to destroy at least one race just so another could conquer in freedom
Okay, so, do you know what a false prophet is? Usually someone designated a liar through another religion destroying another. Me? I’m multiracial, if anything (get a load of this guy, thinking he’s all that when there’s so many others), there’s prophecies surrounding multiracial people as most “modern” leading prophecies conclude themselves with all races being peaceful with awareness of warfare and such to stop when need be. I got genetic information, that leads to information conglomeration, in the correct circumstances of which I speak, that doesn’t make me a prophet, not to me, plus I don’t claim religion, haha
To me, prophets don’t exist as foresight is natural gift, so if you would like a singular leader designated foresight person for everyone, good luck not having a pawned controlled system, like yeah, leaders are great, but there’s male and female, naturally, otherwise herms, naturally (I will not speak for others as I have not delved that way, I am fine with they/them though so long as they recognize their natural place as to not upset the natural balance and force others into usually unnecessary relationships, but aye, being poly can be fun -or a time waster when no one is mature, not my first choice).
Ok so. Working out the kinks. Foresight has some to do with time travel, the natural form of time travel instead of purely mechanically led. So. I need a group of people. This is a stupid idea just putting online, but due to the government (and others) and how they’ve treated people trying to help others, healthily, in the past, I’m making this public because they also have people working on this. My goal is timeline ordinance, so like everyone 2000 and after can be born still, so no, I will not disperse this information to anyone older than the birth year of 2001 or likely younger than 2008, I am sorry (time travel part not the foresight), but if you do manage to figure, please, be cautious of the information paradox.
If my theory holds correct, the Jesus dude did what I am, or, time is consequential, so there is, regardless, a Jesus figure, or multiple (just not how most think). I will not go further into this part, y’all figure that on your own. I am not claiming to be that guy, just stating theory.
Okay so, I need those in places where they are most likely to be born regardless, as the information paradox can seep memories or lock others in their own and change current events.
We are to not change anything. We may save the lives of those we lost yes, but we risk losing our time frame, this is the point of meditation. We don’t need time terrorists. Our goal is to figure the best probability of keeping everyone alive without stopping others from being born, but don’t worry, if they aren’t born, they still exist.
Emotional health is needed to get anywhere with this so if you’re some regular power hungry person, it won’t work.
Now, the important thing to note, is that you can mind swap with someone doing this, so you can accidental trade bodies, but if the will is strong enough, well, classic “it’s not me but I’m still here if you help me remember and emotional trigger me” if the process works.
In the future, they have some time barriers to stop people from doing this stuff unless they are healthy, so in our current events, they are watching. We can project ourselves through time, our level of awareness designates how. I’ve had this information for a long time so you can’t get rid of me by trying to leave me out, or taking me out now, you seriously have to wait until anyone within my relative time frame, is dead. So the public, use this information to remember.
Obviously I won’t reveal the entire plan since you can clearly think of all of it at this point, should be able to. This is only if I decide to go back, like this is my decision to make, unless someone else remembers. You need to know your psychology, all of it, otherwise you will repeat all of your choices you have made. This is not meant for those who don’t have a will to fight back or stay living for others. This is not meant to be a display of power?
I seek not war but health. I seek not vengeance but an avenger. I seek not lies but the truth. I seek not hate but love. I seek not worship but recognition. I seek not religion but spirit. I seek not fame but fortune. I seek hot hearts willing to sear those who would pain unnecessarily. I seem to seek what most seem to avoid so openly.
To avoid conflict, I will keep this subject to America. Anyone who try’s using this information without contacting me after seeing this hasn’t earned, I earned. Aight, let’s see if my first therapists med recommendations are helpful or if I’m just crazy bc I predicted a 2026-7 war with America the other day and then I got a YouTube notification from Infographics saying “German Intelligence Warns Russian attack on Nato 2026” not even an hour ago. If this post affects anything, in minimal standards, it’s prolonged or sped up, maybe on schedule for some.
Lol let me know who made it through. I will not be accepting obvious non multiracial applicants to avoid racial war. I will not accept anyone affiliated with government protocol unless you straight up tell me how and, or I can clearly see. I will not be sharing my personal information of how I look to avoid fake outs, but I will ask of yours to confirm you’re real about sharing intention. No, I do not have this stuff written into any computer format, it is entirely useless getting information anywhere but here from here on, I have no socials besides YouTube, Xbox and Spotify, and this.
I will continue posting, if I stop for more than a month, something happened, the longer it goes, well, should be obvious given three main options lol
If you get lost, some emotions will make you remember a little bit. Chances are we wont make it, as I am supposed to have a wife in the process for an emotional way finder.

Part 5
Gerard, God
Somewhere in time and space
He watched the passers-by as they moved about, following their daily routines, unaware of the fate that would shortly befall them. This was the time that fascinated Him the most. The moments before they finally understood that The Threat was here.
It was a sort of last hurrah, He thought. They didn't know it, but Gerard could nonetheless sense a sort of joi de vivre, a liveliness that simply didn't exist in prior times, and couldn't possibly exist in future ones. He watched mothers dote lovingly over their children, watched children hurl themselves into play with abandon, watched addicts take in their drugs like a drowning man would gulp for air. They might not known that there was no tomorrow for most of them, but they nonetheless seemed to put just a little bit of extra effort into everything.
Eventually, it came to an end, of course. It always did, no matter how many times He watched it. He saw happiness and mundanity give way to pain and suffering. Laughter was replaced by the screams of the dying. Life was replaced by death. The world replaced by destruction.
He sighed, leaving this timeline. He never watched the arrival of The Threat twice in the same timeline. There was nothing for Him to learn that way. His power was immense and total. He only had to witness The Threat once in each timeline to understand it.
Worst of all was the knowledge. The knowledge that He would only be able to save a single timeline. That all others would fall into ruin, destroyed and left to rot away. Only one could survive; the one that He chose. He could stop The Threat only once, for doing so would require Him to remain. Ever vigilant, ever ready to stop any recurrence.
He had to choose which timeline. That task was less than He feared, for now he knew that there were an infinite number of them. He could choose one with the right qualities, one whose nature would aid Him in His work. He realized then that He would, once He had chosen the proper timeline, finally watch The Threat come twice. Once, when He reviewed that timeline prior to choosing. And again, when He would stop it.
And stop it, He would. No other outcome was acceptable. He had already sacrificed too much. His mortality, His life, His happiness, His very soul itself. He had wrought Himself into a weapon, to strike down The Threat, and He would fulfill that purpose, no matter what.
----
Jerry Williams, Godslayer
Nibiru
We were sharks, swimming and darting among a school of fish. Gods and devas fled, screaming in terror as we flew through the swirling, chaotic energies that should have driven us -or at least my wife and daughter- mad within seconds. They had thought that their realm protected them.
Little did they know, we were already mad.
Inanna and I flanked a group of fleeing gods, preventing them from leaving this world, extending their essence into manifested bodies somewhere in one of the countless material worlds, or simply crossing the energy that was the core of their beings into the Spirit World. Here, in Nibiru, our divinities and demi-divinities gave us access to unlimited power. We seized it and wove nets with which to entrap those minor gods who could not find escape elsewhere, and had huddled here in fear of our coming.
As the group fled, we sped up, curving our course, which caused them to curve theirs, fearful of drawing too close to either of us. We moved slowly, carefully, angling them where we wanted them to go.
It wasn't long before the gaping maw of the Grandfather of the Gods came into view. Ixlublotl, the primordial god, the originator of divinity. The gods we herded realized their peril and turned to flee back the opposite direction, but there they found Aaina, burning towards them, screaming in rage and bristling with offensive energies.
Trapped, they had no choice. They attacked us. Emotions and thoughts, energy and matter, all of it flew at us in an orgy of sudden violence that churned the substrate of this world into a screaming chaos. All three of us linked our magics into a shield; a half-sphere of anti-magic that absorbed their attacks, sending the energy of which they were made back into into the swirling chaos around us.
They threw everything they had at us, a desperate last stand, driven by necessity and panic. All of it crashed against our defenses, the resulting streamers of magic filling the space around us with an all but impenetrable cloud. Hidden by that cloud, Ixy closed in.
By the time they realized that it was too late, it was over.
Ixy's physical body, that cloud-wrapped cacophony of maw-stalks, eye-stalks, spider-like legs and whipping tentacles, currently the size of a skyscraper, swept in, mouths snapping up the energies that were the cores of our quarry.
We came together when it was done. Inanna created a haven for us, allowing us to release the magic that held our bodies in stasis and protected us from the wild magic all around. It was a copy of our house, something she'd come up with a while back and shown to me with great pride. I had loved it, of course.
I sank into the loveseat with Inanna next to me as Aaina took the recliner.
"That's most of them," Aaina said.
"About thirty more," I replied. "And then we can start the next phase."
"Do either of you have any doubts about what we're doing?" she asked. I could see the indecision in her eyes. She was so young, and such a good girl. My heart broke at having dragged her into such dirty business.
"No," Inanna answered, her voice hard and confident.
"Yes," I added. "But at the end of the day, this is what needs doing."
Aaina looked back and forth between us, then nodded. None of us smiled.
----
Emily Windham, Wizard, Artificer
Fremont, Nebraska, at the corner of E 4th Ave and N Main St
Emily turned just in time to see the massive troll hit Jim Carmichael with a shoulder, sending the trooper flying before angling at her with no change in speed.
Acting on pure instinct, she conjured a wall of force between them. The troll slammed into it, shattering the magics that held it together with raw force, but the wall did its job, stopping the warrior in his tracks.
Emily snatched the rune-engraved knife off her belt and surged forward, jumping at the last second to put her in range of the troll's huge neck. The blade plunged in, and she released a quick burst of magic that made her legs and off hand sticky, allowing her to cling to the thing, too close for it to use its battleaxe on her.
She ripped the knife out and plunged it in again and again as the barbarian roared in pain and indignation at being hurt so badly by a foe so tiny. Emily grabbed his beard, yanking hard to bring his eyes to hers as she slammed the knife in and twisted, the magic in the blade telling her when it found his windpipe and carotid artery.
Blood sprayed, coating her face and shoulders. The troll's roars were cut off in a gurgling, breathy hiss. He stumbled, then fell. Emily rode him down, her eyes locked onto his, watching all hopes of victory, or even survival, fade from them. She lost herself in those eyes, in the mystery that was this troll's life, ending right before her. She saw the regrets, the crushed hopes, the shame of defeat and wondered at the context.
The impact as they hit the ground broke the spell.
Emily released the magic and stood up, instincts trained into her by the security troops and war wizards making her search for more threats before she could even process what had just happened. But there were no more threats. That had been the last one.
Greg Ramirez walked towards her, his rifle barrel pointed down, hanging from the sling in front of his armor and all the various attachments that he and the security troops referred to as their 'battle rattle'.
"Nice work," he said, eyeing the troll, who continued to gasp for air, the sound of his labored breaths reminding Emily of a pig squealing. She looked down, searching for that orgasmic feeling her bio-dad had so desperately wanted her to share with him, but not finding it. All she found was a sense of satisfaction, yet even that was too much.
Years of therapy, of telling her story to trained clinicians and listening to and internalizing their advice. All of it had helped her make friends and move among the normal people, but it had never erased that feeling of satisfaction. This was the fourth time she'd killed a sentient being, and each time, she felt the exact same way. It was a victory.
Her maudlin thoughts were interrupted by the bark of Greg's rifle. The troll's head jerked and deformed, a splattering of blood coming out as a .277 fury round drilled a hole straight through his temples. She glanced up to find Greg still eyeing her.
"You did good," he said, his expression showing some concern.
"I liked it," she said quietly, her eyes turning back.
"You liked killing him?" Greg asked. Emily nodded, wondering if she'd always be fucked up.
"I killed him," Greg said. "And I damn sure liked it."
Emily turned back, eyeing him with some interest. Greg was, in many ways, the opposite of her. Cool, confident, charming and just all-around well-adjusted. She hadn't ever imagined that he wound enjoy something like this.
"It means I won," he explained. "It means that big, badass motherfucker showed up here trying to bully us, and take whatever he wanted from us, and little old me stood up and said 'no', and when he tried to force the issue, I took his life away. It feels like justice. It feels like one less motherfucker trying to kill me and my friends. Damn straight I liked it."
Emily smiled. She didn't realized she had smiled until Greg smiled back.
"I read your psych eval," he went on. "I know you think you're fucked in the head, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're not. You're a warrior, that's it. Bloodlust isn't a bad thing, if it can be controlled. Enjoying killing isn't a bad thing, if you're killing the people that need killing. Give yourself a break, girl."
He clapped her on the shoulder, then took the back of her head with his free hand and pressed her forehead to his.
"I'm gonna recommend you be allowed to join the war wizard roster. You're all trained up, you're prepared for it, and from what I've seen today, you're a fucking natural."
Without waiting for a response, he let her go and turned away, grabbing the radio fob on his armor and squeezing it.
"Black Lead, this is Black-Two Actual. All raiders at the target site are neutralized. We're commencing a sweep now, will report back in thirty mikes."
Emily smiled at his back as he walked away. A part of her reflected that he was a natural leader, knowing exactly what to say to her in that moment. Another part didn't care, because it worked. She glanced down at the troll again, and didn't see a victim.
She saw a victory.
----
Kathy Evenson, Professional
Somewhere in the ruins of an ancient city in the Seventh World
Kells shifted nervously as Kathy continued to cut chits from the electrical panel lid with the magical laser emerging from her fingertip. He held his machete, really a short sword, in one hand, and his dagger in the other.
"We really shouldn't be much longer, Kath," he said. Kathy had explained to him the difference between Kath and Kathy, and even hinted at the things she'd done while possessed by Pissface and calling herself 'Kath', and even gone into some detail about how much she hated the nickname. Kells hadn't cared. He simply agreed with her, then continued to call her 'Kath'.
And the truth was, she really didn't mind that much.
She wasn't quite sure why, though she could hazard a guess. The man was disarming to a great degree. He presented himself as a dirty wanderer, a simple, violent man who shouldn't be trusted as far as you could throw him. But within just a few minutes of meeting him, she'd seen the intelligence in his eyes and words. She had seen the integrity in his negotiations with her, and the ethics that had turned him protective when the Searchers had appeared.
And despite that protectiveness, he still managed to avoid being patronizing. When she'd told him how she planned to get his chits, he had warned her of the dangers, then agreed to come along without hesitation when she didn't change her mind. Kells was a good man, she thought, and if a good man wanted to call her Kath, she supposed she could let him reclaim the name from the hell it had once represented.
"It won't be much longer," she said. She already had over seven hundred, and this plate would bring her to eight hundred. She only needed five or six more. This deep in the ruins, there was an untouched electrical box on almost every building. Some had been corroded, but most were surprisingly intact.
As she cut the final strip into chits, a roar sounded. It was a gurgling, rasping roar, unlike anything she had ever heard before. Or rather, the first one had been unlike anything she had ever heard before. This was the third time she'd heard it, and it sounded closer than the last two.
"That's no good sign, right thur," Kells said.
Kathy finished, dumping the little squares of galvanized steel into her bag and standing up.
"Come on," she said. "We'll go a couple blocks away from whatever that was before I cut the next one."
"Aye," Kells agreed, his head swiveling on his shoulders as he followed her down the alley. Kathy took note of how spooked he was. He seemed more nervous here than he had with the Searchers right in front of him. She supposed that might have something to do with the nature of the threats. The Searchers were, regardless of power and reputation, mere humans. Whereas whatever was making that roar was clearly some sort of monster.
She led him six blocks in a direction away from the roar before she stopped to examine the buildings. They had moved into a downtown area, which was one of the reasons she had stopped. The buildings here were closer together, which should make the rest of her task quicker. She found a good cover and ripped the little padlock off, then pulled it open and off its hinges.
A mass of spiders rushed out of the electrical box. She jerked her hand away, but they ignored her, scurrying down the wall and vanishing into the cracks between the bricks, safe once again in enclosed darkness.
She began to cut as Kells again stood watch.
She hadn't even made it halfway through the panel when another roar sounded, even closer than the last, and from a different direction.
"Call it," Kells said. "Call it now, Kath. Better ye collect some more later on than deal with the beast makin' them sounds."
"What kind of beast?" Kathy asked. She kept cutting, but glanced up and around, not seeing anything but filthy, dilapidated alleys.
"Walkers, they call 'em," Kells said. "Like great spiders, but rottin' away, with bones stickin' out an' flesh hangin' off th'legs."
"Great spiders?" Kathy asked. "How big?"
"Bigger'n a building."
"You've seen them yourself?" Kathy asked.
"Only once," Kells said, his voice growing quieter. He seemed to be done speaking for a moment, staring around. But after a few seconds, he continued.
"Friend o'mine, name o' Gil. We used t'work together, he an' I. I were real new to runnin' a caravan crew back then, about ten years back. Gil were an old hand at it, though. Took me under 'is wing and taught me th'roads, as it were.
"Anyways, we'd taken a pair o' contracts. Rough ones, with a tight timetable. Merchants needed t'get to Freeman's Port post-haste. One faster'n th'other. Gil took that one, left me with the easier one, though that weren't t'say it were an easy job.
"We was in Craster's Holdfast at th'time, an smack in between there an' Freeman's Port were an ancient ruin. Big one, 'bout the size o' this'un, in fact. Normally, it took about a week t'travel between the two places, but if one were brave or foolhardy enough, they could cut through th'ruins an' make it in five days.
"Well, old Gil had that in mind. We left together, an' at th'place where ye normally would turn north t'go around the ruins, he led his caravan on straight. I prayed fer their safety that night, but never really believed anything would happen. Gil were an experienced caravaner, an' tougher'n anyone else I'd ever met.
"Two days later, we was walkin' this ridgeline north o'the ruins when somethin' called out t'me. Not sure what, exactly. I started lookin' south, scannin' the ruins, an' sure enough, I found Gil's caravan, walking down a wide road between th'largest buildings. They was movin' at quite a clip, I hav'ta say.
"I were tickled pink, at first. Because we'd made near as good a time as they had, despite movin' almost a day's north to skirt th'ruins. But as I watched, I realized that they weren't just travelin', they was runnin'."
Kells sighed, his eyes distant and full of old regrets.
"That's when I saw one. A great Walker, striding out o' th'deepest part o' th'ruins. The way it moved were like nothin' I ever seen before. It crawled along th'sides o' the ruins themselves, like a spider almost, but always with two or three feet on th'ground.
"It came fer th'caravan, and fell on 'em in a slaughter. I watched it breathe fire down on 'em, stompin' men flat with its feet an' scooping 'em up with its great claws."
He sighed again, then looked down. He tucked his sword under his armpit and used his hand to rub his eyes for a moment, before taking the blade up again.
"Killed 'em all, it did. Erry single one, as I live an' breath. An' when it were done, it went around, stompin' th'bodies flat. Never ate one, jes did all it could t'make sure that not a single survivor lived t'tell the tale. I were shook something fierce, I tell ya. Took me own caravan down off the ridge, t'avoid bein' spotted. We ended up arriving a day late, but to this day, I thank me lucky stars we made it at all."
Another sigh came, and Kathy heard the cracks in his voice as he continued on.
"Not Gil, though. Nor any o'them what worked for him, or th'merchant what hired him. A few years later, I worked up th'courage t'take a couple o'men into the ruins, t'find the bodies. I found bones dressed in Gil's clothes. I took his sword, which had survived, an' is th'one I carry to this day. I think Gil'd be pleased to know his blade had saved me life, quite a few times since."
Kathy finished cutting the cover up and stood to put her hands on Kells' shoulder.
"Thank you for telling me that," she said, her voice gentle. "I can tell it's an important story to you."
Kells nodded and sniffed once, then jerked his head in the direction away from the most recent roar. "I still think we should get out o' here, Kath," he said. "I'll face down the Searchers an' be happy o' a good death, should they take me. But them Walkers... They ain't warriors ye can face an' die with honor. One o'them things finds us, there ain't no fightin' it. We jes' die screaming, th'only consolation coming when it's all over."
Kathy weighed his words carefully. Kells knew this world far better than she did. And while she knew her own abilities far better than anyone here, she had to be mindful not to be too arrogant. Kells had told her how a single Walker had slaughtered an entire caravan of experienced fighters, led by an experienced leader.
"Okay," she said. She handed the bag to Kells. "There should be about eight hundred and fifty chits in there. You can count them out later, and I'll trust your count. After I find what I'm looking for, I'll collect the rest and we'll settle up."
"Good call," Kells said. He tied the bag off to his belt and walked to the corner of the building, peeking around. When he was satisfied, he nodded. Kathy joined him, and together, they made a beeline to the edge of the ruins.
They had made it about halfway out when another roar sounded, this one right on top of them. A rumbling crash sounded from her right, and Kathy turned to see rubble falling to the ground as something massive rose off the ground, two blocks over.
"Stars an' stones," Kells swore, then shouted "Run!"