I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Potential_Claim_9399.
Trigger Warning: stalking
Mood Spoiler: concerning
Original Post: April 21, 2024
So I (30F) recently eloped with boyfriend, well now husband (39M). We purchased a home on the lake in a new subdivision and it is truly our dream home. We had closed on our house about a month prior to the elopement so we already had moved our belongings in and purchased anything else we needed and sold any other belongings that we had in each of our apartments since the leases were up or almost up.
Once some of my coworkers found out we had eloped, they wanted to throw me a shower. I politely told them I was perfectly fine with having a little party to celebrate but no gifts. When asked why no gifts I told them honestly didn’t need anything. Typically in my area when a wedding shower or housewarming party is thrown people gift toasters or sets of dishes etc. Our home is furnished. We both have successful jobs. “No gifts or monetary gifts please. But we would love to celebrate with you. Your presence is the only gift we want.” That was basically the conversation. And it was received well. The party happened and all went well.
Yesterday a coworker who had not came to the party randomly showed up at our home. I am not close with this person. We actually try to avoid each other most days. Anyways, she arrived at our home with 3 large black trash bags that contained used houseware items from her home. She said she “knew it was hard when you are first starting out” and thought these items could help us “while we get on our feet”. She also made a comment about how she was going to have a garage sale but would rather just give them to someone who needed them.
I told her I really appreciated the thought but that we were settled and maybe she should take her items give them to someone who needed them because we were on our feet. She said I was just being modest. She ended up refusing to tell me how she got my address and also refused to take her “gifts” back with her. I told her we didn’t need her items but if she wanted to leave them I would be happy to donate them for her. She said I was being rude. She did leave the bags though and I am taking them to a local consignment store that sells items and uses the money to help survivors of domestic violence.
AITA?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: NTA
How did she get your address? That's the worrying thing for me. She knew what she was doing was BS or she would have given it to you at work.
It's worth finding out if she misused company resources to find your new address in case you need to start a thing with HR.

OOP: I’ve thought about. I think the fact that we are not friends and mutually do not care for one another is the concerning part for me. Had it have been a friend, they would have asked for the address or it would have already been given to them. But a random person from work that I dislike randomly showing up umm no thank you. I’m scheduling a meeting with HR first thing tomorrow morning.

Commenter: This is 100% my paranoia and predilection for reading fiction talking but don't keep ANYTHING that was given to you. It's extremely unlikely but what if they're was a monitoring /recording /tracking device in something?

OOP: New fear unlocked

OOP is voted NTA
Update (Same Post): April 22, 2024 (Next Day)
UPDATE: HR was miraculously able to see me this morning. She also found the address issue concerning.
I work in Healthcare and I am also a patient where I work. Everything you access within our system is logged. So when they pulled her access records it turns out my coworker had accessed my medical records 5 times within a week. It was never within her job duties to access my file. She had also accessed 2 other coworkers files.
They terminated her employment on the spot. Within our company (and I would imagine most) that is grounds for immediate termination. Her sister in law is also an employee there and she had accessed my records as well. Her employment was also terminated.
Now I’m wondering if I need to seek legal action or even get a restraining order? My husband donated the items this morning. He said he didn’t want them in the garage any longer than necessary. I had read him the comment about the items possibly having bugs or being bugged and now we are both paranoid.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: So glad to read that! That’s a lot of crazy to deal with…. Now that she’s gone and the items are gone, I hope your peace of mind is improved. The restraining order may be a good idea. I hope some law/legal eagle types weigh in on that.

OOP: Oh there is no peace of mind now. I honestly feel worse. If a person is so unhinged to do what she did like where is the stopping point? Will there be retaliation against us? Is scary at this point and to be honest I don’t feel safe. If you could have seen her face when they walked her out. Oh my goodness. It was frightening.

Do not comment on original posts. See rule 7.

What’s the best gift I can get for my masculine lesbian wife???
We’ve been married together for about to be a year in August AND it’s her birthday on June 6! She’s turning 40! Please recommend me ANYTHING that you would get for your significant other or that you think would be great receiving from your significant other! Please anything would be helpful (: I’ll be reading and responding to every comment thanks 🙏
Btw I’m the feminine girly one and I’m younger than her by a couple years. She’s my daddy, my king, and the perfect person for me. The only person for me ❤️ Any help and tips are appreciated (:

Last week at my private school the teacher asked us who our favorite musician is. A few of us raised our hands excitedly but, of course, the teacher picked a jock in the front of the classroom. The stupid jock said "Definitely Drake or Carti (🤮)" and a popular girl spoke up after him and said Taylor Swift.
I never liked ME!, the first time I listened to it, I literally got nausea. At this point I was getting snappy and the teacher chose another kid with his hand up before me. As the word 'Lil' crept out of his mouth, my anger exploded and I knew I had to say something.
"SHUT UP! EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET" I retorted as I slammed my hand against my desk. As the crowd's piercing eyes settled onto me, I shot a nasty glare at the girl who had brought up Taylor Swift.
"None of you know REAL music! None of you at all!" I vehemently announced. As I began to unravel the musicianship, cultural poignancy, and psychological significance of Edward 40hands, my teacher marched to my seat and snarled: "You brat! Don't you have any decency to let your classmates speak without causing a scene? I'm tired of your shenanigans! Get ou-" I cut her off with a logical dilemma.
"You're an English teacher, shouldn't you welcome the high-level, intellectual feedback of your most talented and gifted students? You should be honored I make time to show up here."
As she stood astonished, with a puzzled yet angered expression, I began to recite some of the most important and beautiful, magnificent songs of Mom Jeans.’ masterful and perfect discography:
Season 9 ep 2-3
Scott Pilgrim vs My GPA
Intending to recite the entirety of Girl Scout Cookies, I closed my eyes and began singing and feeling the lyrics like Eric Butler. She shouted over my passionate expression of greatness for me to go down to the office "RiGhT NoW!!" Her voice was shaking and her legs were quaking.
Not thinking, I shouted back, with my best Eric impression: "Well I hate your fucking face!" and time seemed to stop. I felt the eyes of my classmates hard as diamonds and judgemental like daggers stepping through. In all honesty, I became emotional.
Not knowing what to do or say, I whispered under my breath: "i don’t care who can shotgun faster" and walked out to the parking lot with my head down (like Eric in the GSC music video.)
Long story short, I was 10 days of out of school suspension even though I explained everything to the principal. I guess not everybody is as enlightened and smart as I had hoped they'd be...

Hi everyone, I need some advice. This happened in November 2023 but has been bothering me since. Buckle up; this is a long one.
For context: I (28 F) am the child of a teen pregnancy. My parents broke up when I was very young, and both remarried to have children with their new s/o (my three siblings). Mom and stepdad moved to another state when I was young, taking two siblings with them. I remained behind with my bio dad and stepmother. I do want to note before I get into it that I have been SO blessed with a big family and two bonus parents. No one is the perfect parent, but I do feel my parents all did the very best they could for me and my siblings. They quite literally beat the statistics and I am proud to say I have 2 sets of parents.
I now live in the same state (and neighborhood) as my mom and stepdad. My aunt/mom's BFF, who lives across the street from me, helped us rent this house from a family friend. My fiance and I moved in just before the pandemic and now have our 3-year-old son living here with us.
My stepdad has a history of choosing to instigate BS or letting his temper get the better of him (i.e., yelling at kitchen staff at a restaurant for not wearing gloves while handling food or nearly getting into a fight with another driver leaving a local festival and causing a whole scene, etc. ) He is diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's and takes medication, but we have all noticed changes in his moods. Over the last year it really has improved with his temper, from what I have seen. I no longer live at home, obviously, so clearly, I wasn't a great judge of that.
One day, my doorbell rang, and thinking it was my previously mentioned Aunt asking for a cup of sugar, I answered. It was a local AC company salesman. I was nice to him and let him know I wasn't the homeowner, and we had a neutral but kind interaction. During this conversation, I noticed my stepdad pull up across the street to my aunt's house. It was her birthday, and he was dropping off a gift. My son ran out to the edge of the driveway and hugged his grandpa. Then my stepdad crossed the street, and he left the gift on my aunt's porch. In between him pulling up and leaving the gift, I had finished up my conversation with the salesman, and he started moving onto my neighbor's house when my stepdad, instead of walking towards my toddler (who was waiting eagerly for his grandpa to come back), crossed the street straight towards this poor salesman.
Instinctually, I told my stepdad to "leave him alone and let him do his job," but my stepdad initiated a conversation and let the guy know he shouldn't be soliciting in this neighborhood. The salesman, per what I assume was his training kicking in, asked my stepdad if he knew the definition of soliciting. My stepdad took that as sass and visually got upset. One thing led to another, and my stepdad mentioned calling the cops and getting closer to the man. I quickly asked my kiddo to stay on the porch and play and ran over to my neighbor's driveway, where this was taking place. I got in between them and asked the salesman to move on and apologized before turning to my step dad and clearly told him to leave it alone, stating, "You don't even live on this street, walk away!" They continued to argue over me which made me start to panic as things were clearly escalating. I tried saying, "It's ONLY Monday," bc it was. We had a whole week ahead of us and this is how it was starting for the three of us. The salesman was trying to stand his ground, and my stepdad was just posturing at this point. I will admit, in hindsight, I shouldn't have reacted as I did (and have since apologized), but I saw red y'all. I had enough. Two dumbass grown men were arguing in front of my house and MY child. I snapped. I looked right at my stepdad and YELLED, "JUST LEAVE! I am so sick of you embarrassing me! GO AWAY, Im DONE!" I'm not sure if it was me shouting or the look on my face, but I started to walk away at that point, and when I looked over, he was getting back into his car. But again, I had reached my limit and was taking the stress out on him. I told him he does this every time, and I'm sick of it. He started to get out of the car again as if to defend himself, but I yelled again for him to go away. I then swept up my kiddo (who was playing happily in the yard and was altogether unphased, thank god.)
Immediately, I Facetimed my mom (mid-panic attack) and explained what had happened. She started to panic because he wasn't home yet; they literally live around the corner, so it only would've taken maybe a minute to pull into their driveway. She was worried he had followed the salesman to further berate him.
He had indeed followed the salesman, but I guess to apologize, and they "fist-bumped it out" before my stepdad headed home. My mom met him in the driveway, ready to fight, I guess. I rarely make things a big deal let alone call my mom upset like this, so I think she assumed the absolute worst.
I don't remember exactly, but later that night or the next day, my stepdad sent me a text saying he was sorry. "BUT" the salesman had made that comment about the definition of Soliciting, and that was rude, and he got upset. I was mad he couldn't apologize for causing a scene in front of me, my child, and IN my neighbor's driveway. I didn't respond right away and decided to send him a voice note; I let him know exactly how I felt (embarrassed and disappointed) and chose to (stupidly) take that moment to address some other issues in our relationship. Long story short, he was all but encouraging my young son to cuss during our weekly family dinner. It was a point of contention between my fiance and me, and I was already pissed, so I decided this was as good of a time as any to put it all out there. I admitted I felt my parents all did the best they could raising us, but I was choosing to raise my child differently, and him disrespecting my boundaries, verbally and literally physically (on my rented property), was NOT okay. I told him if it continued, we simply wouldn't come over anymore, nor would he be welcomed at our home.
He responded a few hours later, letting me know he had listened but needed time to process. (understandable) I will say quickly I regret how intense I was at the moment of sending that voice note. I was ANGRY, and I felt violated in a way. I was legitimately sore in my ribs from the hyperventilating I realized I was doing after he had driven away after the altercation. (I had set up some Paw Patrol for my son and went to my room to call my mom and take a moment to let it all wrap around my head. It was my first true panic attack in years, and it was a nasty feeling).
After he took a day to process he asked if he and I could go out to dinner to talk it all over. I agreed but let him know it would have to be that Friday, not Thursday like he requested, since I had already promised to make dinner for my friend whose father was dying in the hospital, and I needed to drive the next town over to deliver it.
Friday came, and a few hours before we were supposed to meet, I got a very heated text from my sister (who still lives at home and was the last to know about the situation) that stated some not-so-nice things that I wont go into. As it's so concluded and y'all would be reading for days. But essentially, I was the asshole, and I've changed so much in the last few years. (I became a mother in the midst of covid, changed careers, nearly left my fiance, lost my maternal grandmother, and started couples therapy, so yeah, lots of change, I will admit) It just sounded so much like she took what she heard and regurgitated it, if that makes sense. Almost like it wasn't 100% her opinion, but what she was told, so then becomes her own thoughts. (She also mentioned my relationship with my in-laws and how I have "chosen them over my own family" numerous times..)The wording was just off and sounded eerily like my parents. I ended up breaking down again and had a moment to breathe, then went about picking up my son from school, dropping him off at home with my fiance, and then heading to dinner with my stepdad.
We met at his favorite wing place, and we were friendly. He started by apologizing for his actions and for not just walking away. He admitted it's been years since he lost his temper to that degree, and he should just let the guy keep going to other homes. I also apologized for losing my temper with him but explained how the situation affected me and that I felt threatened. He broke down each statement I made in the voicenote I sent him, and we talked each point through. Some with tears and others (more often than not with laughs). We have always had a pretty good relationship, for the most part. It was tense, and we bickered a lot leading up to around the time I moved out, but I was a sassy 20-year-old, and he was living with 4 women, lol.
I felt things were going well until he brought up him and my mother moving. - For reference, they moved fairly suddenly when I was seven years old and always told me I "made the choice to stay with my dad and keep going to school with my friends," etc. Now, as an adult, I know that's not entirely true, and my other set of parents have given me more details on some of the nastier legal things that went down around that time. It was very hard on me, but I feel like I always looked at the positives as a kid (as much as I could). I got 2 Christmases, I got to travel in an airplane 2x a year, etc. But as an adult, I have had to come to terms with a lot of emotions, like never feeling like I belonged with either family or truly had a HOME, not until I made my own, of course. - My stepdad mentioned at dinner how my comments on occasion about my childhood were uncalled for and hurt my mom and him. Things like I have trauma and (actually diagnosed cptsd), and my abandonment issues, which I have gone to therapy for.
I am someone who is sometimes too candid or outgoing and has gotten used to bringing up things that others try to ignore, like body positivity, the fact that women menstruate, and it is NORMAL, and also trauma, because no matter how insignificant, it is VALID. He asked that I tone it down and get over the fact that they moved because it is in the past, and I cannot let it affect who I am. He said he feels I think and tell people my mom abandoned me when she didnt, and because his dad had actually relinquished his rights as a parent, he knows true childhood abandonment and trauma. I agree with not letting it control me or stop me from doing things. I also understand where he was coming from. But it hurt me so deeply that he, of all people, would compare our past experiences like that and verbally confirm mine was less than. I feel like I have grown so much since I was 16 and angry about my childhood. But in the last decade, I have allowed myself to mourn, heal, and what I thought was grow from it all.
I was too stunned to really comment on it all, and we quickly moved on to another topic. He also agreed not to encourage my son to curse but, to this day, still makes comments that even my mom and sisters reprimand him for. The dinner did end on good terms and we hugged it out before parting ways. But when I got home, all I could do was sob with my partner holding me. I felt so invalidated and hurt by how he viewed me. I feel like he only apologized because this was the first time I have ever truly and CLEARLY voiced my issues with his behavior and that he tried to make me feel bad or doubt my own self-growth in order to just move on from the situation and our fight.
Am I the asshole? Am I naive and letting my own trauma fuck up my interpersonal relationships? Mine and my partner's therapist has mentioned we should lessen our family dinners to twice a month or even once to try and get some space. We have implemented that without being too obvious; school friends' birthday parties and other social events have made the adjustment fairly natural. We co-exist together fine now, and I do love him. He has been in my life since I was 3. But please, give me your unbiased opinion on if I am wrong to feel so resentful of the whole thing still, or if it's as concering and icky as I feel it is. Thank you Reddit!

I 21 female will not lie when I say I had a one that got away. When I was 14 I met this magnificent male 17 at the time. I love him still so much but I am now married. I know I know, I should not be married if Im still not over him. I am not here for all you to call me an A hole when I know I am. I just want to take this out of my chest and stop running from this.
For context that is important my ex and I are Mormons. This is relevant to the story because many stuff we had revolved around this.
We met when we were just teenagers I 14 and him 17 at a church event around 2017. I will not lie when I say it was love at first sight when I saw him. We danced many songs together and exchanged facebook acounts. I did not initiate anything at the being because he was dating someone at the time. But once they broke up I made my move and once he recovered that break up we started chatting and after some dates. By December he asked me if we wanted to go out. Of course I said Yes!
Time passes and as a Mormon, men once they are 18 go out and preach the word of god for a total of 2 years. He let me know that he would go on a mission once he graduated High school and I agreed on this decision because I wanted to go as well. He was such an inspiration to me as much as I was to him. He told me that thanks to my example he was able to graduate with a higher score he was able to also graduate seminary church.
We were both on the same boat. Thanks to his example I graduate with high sore average in High school as well and graduate Seminary Church While him being in his Mission.
He is the kindest person I’ve ever met. He left in December of 2018 to his mission in Tampico Mexico and I waited faithfully all those two years for him.
I waited and was studying high school while hime being on a mission. I had already met his family before him leaving, so I would go visit them occasionally on my free time. I bonded so well with all his family but especially with his mom. While him being in the mission she broke her leg and I took care of her as well as my older sister. Her mom is also one of the sweetest women I have met.
One of those years my mom did not have money to celebrate(not that it was an issue) but her mom invited me over. I went and once I was there, his family surprised me with a surprise birthday party.
There was a time where missionaries could only write emails but by that time they could now make phone calls. Guess who called me that day? He did… and i did not stop crying because he took the time to talk to his missionary president and ask for permission just to make that call.
Every month from month 1 December 2017 to the end June 2022… every month he would either write me a poetic letter, message, give me a gift, take me on a date. Maybe yes I do miss this.
It was something mutual. I would do the same for him. All the above paragraph.
Once back from his mission I told him I wanted to be enough fo him quote on quote“when I turn 19 I will on a missiona so now you will wait for me.” He was not too sure at the beginning but was ok with it by the end.
He is where the downfall goes.
I am the type of independent women that wants to do stuff on her own and was thinking long term with him. I told him to start school while I start saving up money to go on a mission. He was accepted in a physiotherapy university city and I told him “by the time im back you will be almost done with school and we can get married“. I told him I wanted to move to a border country where i could make money becasue I know English and I could take more advantage of it. I would be able to pay off my whole mission but this would only be possible if I left(we live in mexico).
I flew away and we kept a long term relashionship( 8 hours plane flight + 2 hour bus away + 2 hour different time zone). By months past he was not as happy because he just got back a couple months ago and we had to be separated. again. He also said I did not have as much time as i used to for him. I explained to him that I was making time to talk to him as much as I could and I KID YOU NOT we would talk 20 mintues daily and text every day.Me working a 10 hour shift and living 2 hours away from my Job.
We paused the relationship and I told him that. “ Before I leave i promise you i will save enough money and see you.”
My plan before going on a mission was to go home and enter the temple with my mom and dad to be invested with them in a temple. This was a special moment for them because my mom has had a drinking problem. It was years since they had gone to the temple.
They wanted to come to where i was living so i could go leave to my mission directly from where I moved to to. But i told them to save the money it was best for me to go to my local temple where they lived. And I could pature from ther with all my friends and family.(and also see my ex). I was told many times from my leaders of the church that it was not a good idea to go back home and parture from my local town because I would be more tempted by satan to not go. But i still went back home.
This was maybe the worst decision. This would change my life completly.
Once home and only weeks from waiting from recieving my calling from my mission I did fall into temptation with that boyfriend and did not go to the mission. I got sooo depressed becuase this was my most desired hope. One of those days when no one was looking I saw my calling on my own and saw it was Mexico Guadalajara…
On one of the encounters we had was with unprotected sex and was maybe pregnant. I was so confused and depressed and mad and had so much emotions running through my head .
We where young me at that time now 19 and him 21. We had to talk to his parents and tell them I would no longer go because of that incident and told him i might be prego. They advised to take a blood test that yes, I did do and came out negative. My ex and I talked a lot but i could not get my senses to full recovery.
When the test came out negative i could not stay home of how bad i felt there. I felt i had all eyes on me for not going on a mission and was scared church people start spreading rumors on why i didn’t go. Because YES, FRICKEN CRISTIANS ARE NOSEY.
I know its my fault things ended. He was so in love with me. He was willing to marry me. But I just did not know what to do. In one of those thoughts of me being confuse I tild myself the best decision for me to “feel better” was to end the relationship. So we talked and ended it.
The day I was moving to the boarder country we met up to say our last goodbye and it said most heartbreaking goodby. He said he was sorry and to please go and do my mission so he could take that gult away from his soul. I said yes but deep inside me i knew i would not go.
I went back to the place I was living at with my sister. I went 0 contact, but would always think about all the special memories we had.
I was in a dark whole once living here and I started smoking and drinking(things i did not do). I retook my job when i first arrived here. And a new guy comes in 27 male(my now husband.
The story repeats itself, but this time him with me. He saw me and it was love at first sight.
One day a friend of mine made plans for a bunch of work colleagues to go out and party so i went. The new guy and I talked from that day on and from there started going out on dates. I told him from the beining that i was shattered into a million peaces and did not want to date. That he was not my type becasue he was not mormon and would never look into him. He did not care. And told me he was willing to change his bad habits and learn more about church. Maybe because he was alone for so much time and saw a light. I felt that the light of my candle had water all poured on top of it. He told me he could see Light he had not seen in no one else. HE WAS A REBOUND. Maybe i felt lonely too?? With time we started dating
In the mean time I started to get into fights with my sister(too many fights) and she kicked me out and put a dead line. I could not afford a place on my own so he told me that we could move in together and after only a few months of dating we did that 2023. I did not want to move in because of love but I was BROKE.
While living together I would cry a lot. I did not take therapy untill months before of getting married. I admitted to him that i did not know if i was sad because of my ex, me not going on a mission, my bad decisions or all of them. It broke my heart see his break. But again i feel He was scared to be lonely as much as I am.
It broke my heart to cry for someone, but it broke more everytime my partner would comfort me.Even though he knew who I was crying for. And yes am an Ass hole in know.
We where not a perfect couple. But this was affecting me too much. I took 1 therapy class but could not afford it no more so could not continue.
While living together he did tell me he wanted to marry and I told him yes only if he decided to get baptized and cummit on his own and not because of me. He told me yes.
Before getting married i contacted my ex… and told him i was sorry for going 0 contact he accepted my apology but did not want to keep talking because he knew i was already dating someone. And this time he went 0 contact with me. And told me he was seeing someone
I never told him i still had feelings for him and in Augost of 2023 my Husband proposed. By September we got got married… Maybe everything was too quick? I was still in love with my ex and and the same time i felt bad for my husband. He truely loves me in his own way.
I waited patiently for his call the day before our marriage but nothing. So i went for it and married this guy that truely loves me.
I still tried to get over him… September, November passes and one day i mids of december out of the blue my ex called me!I will not lie that i felt butterflies in my stomatche and he told me he was sorry for going 0 contact. And told me he broke up with that one girl and was happy i was married. I truly wanted to tell him “I am not happy. I still love you” but i cant say those things… we are not a perfect marriage and many things are because of me and others because my husband had a ruff childhood. We had many discussions because he could never give me cards, buy me little gifts or take me out on date once living together or married.
I would compare my husband to my ex and sometimes tell him he was not good enough for me. This would start argument.
In the call I only told my ex boyfriend in the call thank you for your congrats Amd that was it. We started once again talking from December all around to febuary. This was legitimately just as friends and nothing flirtatious was going on.
I did not tell my husband that we where talking and i know once again i am an Ass hole and yes i know even though my ex was never flirty at any moment of time on my end this is infidelity on my end
We have been ups and downs in my marriage. And i know I am not perfect.
That last time i talked to him was in finals of Febuary of this year 2024. Prior to this I maybe was trying to think he still felt something for me but I think it was just me.
I talked to one of my friends and explianed this whole situation true of my chest and I did let her know that i was feeling really guilty of everything and told her i was going to stop talking to him but I wanted to call him one last time. She agreed and told me if this was going to make me not contact him to do it. Not only for myself but for my husband because this was not fair in any way for him.
That same day I called him and told him. That I knew he was not trying but sometimes he made me feel mixed signals. Maybe I misinterpreted them and these status he was posting were for his ex and not me his 2nd ex. I told him that I knew he was not trying this to get my attention but me in my head I was only confusing myself and started to get hope on something that was not possible. Idid tell him that these feeling for him ehere coming back.
He told me that he was sorry but he got back with his ex and was happy with her. He told me to work on my marriage with my husband and was ok to go 0 contact again with him. He told me he cared for me only as a friend and that was all he wanted.
That was exactly what I wanted him to tell me. Something enough to crush my heart and give me 0 hopes to get back together ever. I said goodbye with tears in my eyes and blocked him.
I don’t care who sees this tbh I just want to share this and take it finally off my chest. And you can call me all you want I really don’t care.
For those who ask why I did not cancel the wedding. I tried, I did tell him that I was not okay. I did try to leave this relationship because I was not happy. But he always found a way to convince me. Toxic? Yes Will leave him? Idk Do I need therapy? Yes I do need.
I love you dear ex with all my heart. You made me love God, myself, and then you. I miss you and wish you the best. If this ever gets to you…i hope that by that time, I am healed and happy.
After all this time? Yes… Always. I still have and will always loved you. I really hope my husband can make me love myself just as you did. i hope he can make me love God just as much as you did… he just got baptized and working in his own relationship with god.
Maybe one day he will love me just as much as you did and make me feel that he is the one and not you.
if you see this and if… only if you feel the same way call me
If i dont have the same number you always have my family’s facebook. Tell them you’re looking for me.But if you don’t have them just ignore this.
Thank you all for this who got all the ways to the bottom. I know its a lot to read,but maybe one can relate to this. I will read your coment in case you want to tell me anyththing.

I 21(f) am obsessed with jewelry I always have been. For my birthday I rlly want the heart necklace from Tiffany with my bf’s initial ($250) for my birthday. I haven’t explicitly told my bf I want that for my birthday but I’ve been telling him that I want to get it. We’re both college students but he has a part time job and a paid finance internship if that matters. I’m not going to go into a spiral if he doesn’t give me that gift, any gift from him is a perfect gift but I’m wondering if I’m asking for too much. The people who answer questions here are awesome

I'm male 32, she is female 32. Open to feedback or thoughts.

My love,
I'm writing this now to try to capture how I'm feeling, as I'm feeling it right now. I meant what I said last night, that it is a miracle someone like you can exist in this world. I've never met anyone as generous, humble, giving, supportive, pure, honest, as you. You are so special, beautiful outside and in. I love our life and our routine. I could easily continue. Exploring the two of us, hanging with friends, traveling, gives me so much joy. And the warmth, strength, and comfort you have provided me in a very difficult time in my life has been an incredible gift and privilege.
You deserve so much joy and happiness. I can't bear to watch your pain. You don't deserve it. I don't know if I'm ready for marriage. I don't know if I'm ready to move in, to actually plan a life with another person. It feels too big. My life is a confused, unstable experiment. My business is unpredictable. Will I have a [specific art] career? Is a [specific art] career even possible anymore? Is [my start up] a real thing? Can it ever be? I'm not suffering, but I am aware that I haven't made a single dollar in almost the entire time we've been together. OK, more than a single dollar, but not a living I should make to be able to give a real life long commitment to anyone. People say, "You'll figure it out as you go," but that seems horribly selfish and terribly stressful. It's not fair, I can't ask you or anyone to take this risk with me, not until I know I can support the lifestyle I want to provide and the future I want to give.
I know how this middle space is hurting you. Last night, at dinner, all the girls were talking about dream wedding locations and I could feel your sadness. It kills me. You don't deserve to feel that way. As someone who loves you, I can't bear to see you tortured like this. You told me you want your father to walk you down the aisle. You deserve that. He deserves that. I can't be putting that at risk. I also think it would be also wrong to push this before it was time. Asking you to be more committed when my future feels so up in the air feels wrong too. I have to leave [our city]. I know I need a change. Maybe not forever, but for a year or so. I've been here too long. My industry is in shambles, and I feel like if I'm going to have a chance, even the slim chance it already is, I have to see what is possible in [another city]. It may be for nothing, but I have to know for sure.
I love you so much. I truly hope and pray we can be in each other's lives forever. We have a loving, touchy, sexy, romantic relationship. We also have a deep and secure friendship that manifests in other ways, our talks, our dinners, our tennis games, our belief and support for one another. If we aren't together I know things will change, but the most precious and deepest parts of our relationship can endure, and deepen, and grow. I want this to be a lifelong connection. My mom cares so much about you, I think your parents care about me too. I care a LOT about them.
A huge part of me feels dumb for not leading the charge to more commitment, because of how special you are and how beautiful our relationship is. I think we could endure so much. But I feel bad asking you to be more serious with me when so much is unfigured out about my journey. Maybe in three or six months things will be different. Maybe it will take more than that. But this current no-man-zone is hurting us both so much and I can't bear to hurt you. You are an angel, a miracle, a pure creature who deserves not to be made to feel unwanted or unloved.
Taking a break is the hardest thing I think I can do. It will be awful. Not snuggling with you, or laughing with you will break my heart. But continuing like this feels unbearable, knowing the pain I am causing. Knowing what you deserve. I hope I can give that to you one day. I know that if it is meant to be, it will be.
The stress of my career has caused me to be less than the partner that you deserve. I have been agitated, short tempered, distant, depressed, and rude. I have been hyper focused on my job, my own pressures, and have been less than the boyfriend I want to be. The stress of our situation has also caused me to do and say things I later regret, and don't reflect the person I want to consider myself as. I feel like I need a moment to recenter myself. To get a hold of myself, and get my mind right. I don't feel healthy and strong the way I want to, when dating someone. You deserve the best of me, the best of anyone.
I can't bear to think about not being together, not knowing that I'll be seeing you tomorrow or another day soon for certain. that we have a date night or a weekend trip just around the corner. I am worried I may spiral into a depression that dwarfs whatever I am experiencing now. That's why I hope if we do take a break, it is a break, a pause, a moment to check in with ourselves and smartly consider what we want. In a perfect world, maybe we could continue to see each other or slowly take steps back. I don't know, that may be counter-productive. I love you so much. You are my piece of mind, you are my breath of fresh air, my break from the stress and discomfort of the world. I value you so fucking much. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I hope whatever happens we stay close, stay in each other's lives as deeply as we can, and always keep the road clear for finding the way back to each other in a romantic way, if that's what's meant to be.
I love you forever.
James

As I write this I am sitting back home at my parents - right where this all started - and seemingly its where I deserve to be. I am a 32 y/o male who has always been naturally gifted. I never had to study or work hard for anything that I wanted it had always been gifted to me with little to no effort. In public I always tried to be perfect and be a people pleaser but behind the scenes it was always a different story. Behind the scenes for the majority of my life I always took the easy route out - if it was either focus and do hard work or find a job or start a business I would always decide to wait until tomorrow and just survive the day instead of live the life ive always wanted. It will all make sense why I am writing this in this thread at the end.
(Keep in mind I did all this without knowing deeply that my anxiety has been holding me back and that I developed OCD tendencies in order to receive reassurances when stress was high throughout my life)
After this little introduction to give you a picture of my actions - the consequences were pretty dire. Long story short I started dating someone who I was never infatuated with but convinced myself she was good enough all because of this chronic anxiety I was dealing with. Whenever I would go on a date or sit with someone I would always be stressed have tension in my face and worry about the next words that would come out of my mouth. This has been a habit I have had for awhile. So when the opportunity arose I jumped on it.
This would lead to a 2.5 year relationship where I was unknowingly depressed and unattracted to my s/o and I just tried to make it work because the fear of uncertainty and anxiety have controlled my life.
Fast forward to the breakup - I wasn't devastated but I had become reliant on her for my conscience - although I know I never loved her I couldn't get over her because she gave my life meaning and to the outsider they would be able to see that I was in a relationship and thats really what has driven me my whole life. Not was genuinely made me happy but what others would think.
After that I decided I didnt care anymore about any of my fears and I started moving fast without pause. Got a new place, went to the gym, and was just a man on a mission. This was all great and suddenly that feeling of dread (OCD and anxiety) had disappeared, I didn't seem to care anymore. I got into a new relationship and for the first time in my life I was actually present and enjoying life without overthinking just being in the moment (my self-confidence was at a high).
One more fast forward to a year later - I had broken up with my new girlfriend and my anxious tendencies and ruminating slowly but surely started trickling back in - doubting my life decisions once again. Once these anxieties trickled back in and my OCD to keep me safe - my mind immediately wandered (without me knowing) making me think I wanted my first ex back - so thats exactly what I did except this time I was burneded to prove to her that I had changed. One night at dinner - I was trying to be normal self - but with all the stresses I had going on in my life I didnt realize that my anxiety and my OCD had been at an all time high - and the smallest thought such as understanding what someone said and me not understanding it forced me to tense up and retreat from the dinner. To summarize - next dinner I had I couldnt even be present from all the ruminating and I ended up with a tension headache where i felt like my whole scalp was squeezing - it was at this point where I knew something wasnt normal. I spent the next 2 months avoiding any social activities - doing my normal ruminating rituals which have worked all my life at the expense of time and perseverance - I would not do anything until I was mentally safe and confident. This led to a swift deterioration of my relationship as my ex did not show me any support or patience but pressured me to snap out of it which led me to working harder mentally and exasperating the problem.
Moved back into my parents with my promised business being put on pause and my relationship in the past. It was only at this time where I tried to find out why I was doing these compulsions and why I felt like I needed my thoughts to protect me and listen to them always in highly stressful situations. This is where my COD was spiraling out of control I had all these thoughts about how can I control my thoughts, I am human and we can make so many decisions about what to say or do. It seems like 32 years of getting through it caused a huge amount of uncertainty or doubt to the point I was experiencing depersonalization and unable to even talk to my mom or dad. I legitimately thought I was going crazy and deep down I realized that that was one of my biggest fears which drove my compulsions and my constant checking throughout my life. Everything started to improve once I understood why I was doing this and this is where I found out that I was doing OCD acrobatics in my mind for the majority of my life as well as that my anxiety was a cause of that.
This is also where I found meditation - and the ability to finally be able to sit with my thoughts no matter how strong how bothersome how loud they got and over the past month I have seen an unimaginable improvement from being obsessed with not being ok to starting to find acceptance. If you've made it this far thank you, and I would love any advice on how to make this sustainable long term so I can break my constant pattern of self-destruction and mediocrity and finally reach my full potential.
(I have left out many details obviously to make this as short as possible, but the crux of what I've had to deal with my whole life is there)

Ever feel like you're pouring your heart out, only to have your partner offer solutions you never asked for?
It's Not About The Nail
This comedy sketch perfectly captures a common communication pitfall in relationships - when one person craves empathy and the other jumps straight into problem-solving mode.
It can be incredibly frustrating. We express our feelings, hoping to feel loved and understood, but our attempts seem to land on empty ears.
Here's the thing. There’s a large variety of personalities in the world and the way we each experience the world and then make decisions on that information either:

• by empathy
• by our inner values
• by effective problem solving
• by reasoning and logic

Is not always shared or valued in the same way. In other words,

“...all my sweaters are snagged. I mean ALL of them,”
“but, have you thought about taking out the nail?”

It’s not really about the sweater or the nail, fundamentally, we’re asking our partners if they love us. And their response and the way we value empathy, authenticity, effectiveness, etc. determines if we hear that they’re saying, “I love you.”
This is a follow up to my last post - MBTI: The Sixth Love Language on how to apply the knowledge of MBTI decision-making process for having a much easier way of being able to say clearly, “When I look for love, this is what I’m looking at.”
Just like how a warm hug can be worth a thousand words of affirmation or an act of service like a home cooked meal can be valued more than an expensive bouquet gift of flowers. Each MBTI personality type has a preferred way of receiving and saying, “I love you.”
Note: It helps if you already know your MBTI 4 letters to match with one of four categories below. But if you don’t, no worries. You can simply read over each description with your partner and find which one resonates the most for each of you. There's also links to free 16 personality test at the bottom of the post.

Myers-Briggs types: ENFJ, INFJ, ESFJ, ISFJ

All FJs use the mental process called Extraverted Feeling, or “Harmony” to make decisions.

How “Harmony” asks “Do you love me?

• Do you feel connected to me?
• Will you check in and make sure I’m okay?
• Will you acknowledge and take care of my needs?
• Am I safe with you?
• Do you accept and approve of me?

How “Harmony” answers: “Yes! I love you!”

• I will meet your needs before I meet my own.
• I will check in regularly and make sure you’re okay.
• I will do my best to keep morale up.
• I will show you appreciation in whatever way I’d like to be shown appreciation.

How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Smothering, intrusive.

Myers-Briggs types: ENFP, INFP, ESFP, ISFP

All FPs use the mental process called Introverted Feeling, or “Authenticity” to make decisions.

How “Authenticity” asks, “Do you love me?”

• Do you think I’m being real with you?
• Do you trust my motives and my intent?
• Will you support me no matter what – do you have my back?
• Will you give me space to be “me?”

How “Authenticity” answers, “Yes! I love you!”

• I will be patient with your honest expressions.
• I will honor your feelings and identity, even if it’s a struggle for both of us.
• I will hold space for you, and give you alone time when you need it.
• I will have your back no matter what the fight is.
• I will trust you have my best interests at heart.

How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Passive, self-absorbed

Myers-Briggs types: ENTJ, INTJ, ESTJ, ISTJ

All TJs use the mental process called Extraverted Thinking, or “Effectiveness” to make decisions.

How “Effectiveness” asks, “Do you love me?”

• Will you handle things – can I rely on you?
• Will you make my life easier, can I relax knowing you’re “on it?”
• Will you support my career and/or goals and be self-sufficient?
• Are you loyal?

How “Effectiveness” answers, “Yes! I love you!”

• I will be endlessly loyal on principle.
• I will educate myself on you and learn how you operate.
• I will take pride in you, boasting about your accomplishments even before my own.
• I will protect you.
• I chose you. I continue to choose you. Case closed.

How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Controlling, distant, “unromantic”

Myers-Briggs types: ENTP, INTP, ESTP, ISTP

How “Accuracy” asks, “Do you Love Me?”

All TPs use the mental process called Introverted Thinking, or “Accuracy” to make decisions.

• Do you think I’m totally competent?
• Are you impressed with my performance?
• Do you trust that I’m not lying to you or B.S.’ing you in any way?
• Does it make sense that you love me? That you stay with me?

How “Accuracy” answers, “Yes! I love you!”

• I will be rigorously honest with you. If I have a ‘wandering eye’ I will tell you, and provide a solution.
• I will gift you with my precision. I will learn you and give high performance at all levels.
• I will protect you from others, but not from yourself.
• I will never judge you. Instead, I will be there for you when things go bad, no matter why they went bad.

How it can be misinterpreted by other types: Harsh, insensitive, cold
Extra resources:

• An easy 16 personality test: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
• A more comprehensive 16 personality test with more practical insights: https://principlesyou.com/assessment
  • Small warning, this one is used by Bridgewater Associates for employee management and team groupings. An american investment management fund with 125 billion AUM.

[US to Anywhere][Perfume][Sell/Picky Swap]
Feel free to make offers.
BASIC INFO

• Please comment to claim!
• Shipping to the US is $5 or FREE if you buy $50+
• International shipping would probably ~$18 but please ask for a quote if outside the US. $10 anywhere for $50+ purchases (up to 8oz/225g). I can also ship to Ajevie.
• I try to ship next business day after payment.
• Payment or communication should be sent within 24 hours of claiming.
• By default, all packages include candy, stickers, and teabags
• Open to offers but picky about swaps.

FREE PACKING MATERIAL
At work I throw out thousands of clean bubble wrap sleeves (~3"x4", no sticky strip) and sheets of ultra-thin packing foam. They are used to ship stainless steel components and are perfectly clean. Take as much as you want for the cost of shipping.
[US/US][buy/swap]Perfume
ISO (minimum purchase/swap quantity is 3mL)
I'm more open to purchasing if the item is DCed/not available direct. If it is still available from the shop, I strongly prefer swaps but would be open to buying partials or discounted bottles. I will probably swap heavily in your favor for prioritized ISO items.
If something is marked "FS", I'd probably accept partials/decants with 2mL+. If something is marked "sample", I'd take a FS as part of a swap.

• Alkemia: Confectionaire, Cupid's Arrow, This Summer Night (sample or 5mL)
• Amorphous: Sanguneta, Strawberry Fawn (dram/5mL)
• Area of Effect: Kokiri's Emerald, Game Over, Riften, The Fade, Camper, Outset Island (3mL preferred)
• BPAL: Dark Chocolate, Whiskey, and Cardamom-Infused Caramel (any amt)
• Cocoa Pink: Vampire's Bane (2.5 or 10 mL)
• Debaucherous Bath & Body: Coyote Red (any amt, DISO), The Bee Queen (any amt), Red Queen's Rage (FS/partial)
• Haus of Gloi: Molokai FS (5mL)
• Poesie: Strange Unearthly Thing (5mL)
• Possets: Coo (5mL)
• Sorcellerie: Moon Magic, Where the Wild Things Grow (pref 5mL for both)

FOR SALE
FULL SIZE/PARTIAL BOTTLES (2.5mL+) All full (no visible depletion) unless noted.

• Arcana Craves - Pumpkins Crave Quietude (Soft vanilla, white amber, white musk, Mysore sandalwood, sweet pumpkin, and a tiny pinch of white pepper) ~4.5mL (to label) Swap for ISO
• Arcana Wildcraft - Nog AF (Eggnog, Arcana’s beloved Yellow Cake note, rum, fresh milk, nutmeg, and a drizzle of toasty caramel) Full to label $17
• Arcana Wildcraft - The Cunning Folk (An unread magical grimoire smudged with tobacco and surrounded by offerings of chocolate and golden amber) 5mL $20
• Arcana Wildcraft - Witches Trace Sigils in the Dirt (Moss, soft forest floor, blood cedar trees, tangled vines winding over crags, damp patchouli leaves, and rosemary) 5mL $20
• Arcana Wildcraft - Mountain Witch (Roasted black coffee beans with a swirl of woody incense, wild-harvested spruce needles, fir balsam absolute, green moss, damp firewood, soft earth, and a hint of Oregon wildflowers) 5mL $20
• Black Hearted Tart - Cloud On My Tongue (Cotton candy, pink peony, pink musk.) 4mL full $9
• Darling Clandestine - Pyrotechnik (cantaloupe and raw sandalwood darkened with smoke and earth) 9mL $14
• Deep Midnight - Afterfest (Bread, Honey, Tea, Hops) Full 9mL rollerball, used once $22
• Nui Cobalt - Bee in Your Bonnet (Raw rhubarb and cardamom with toasted oats, Madagascar vanilla, ginger ale, and caramelized honey) 5mL top of label $14
• Possets - The Golden Diadem (sweet hawthorne, honey and molasses, syrup of tamarind, and candied ginger) 5mL $13
• Possets - Heka (gourd accord and slides into a fine brew of lavender, oakmoss, and thyme which are twined around a resinous ambery heart) ~3mL in original bottle $10
• Solstice Scents - Corvin's Smoked Apple (applewood smoke, apple, caramel, benzoin, guaiacwood) 5mL (open but with box) $16
• Solstice Scents - Upstairs Window (Glowing Amber, Dragon's Blood, Beeswax, Spices, Fog) ~4mL (leaked in transit from shop) $14
• Solstice Scents - Sirocco (Sandalwood, Saffron Threads, Hot Baked Earth, Myrrh, Spices, Oud & Jasmine) 5mL $17
• Wylde Ivy - Midnight Dreary Collection Complete dram (3.7mL) gift set in themed box. Tested but full. $45 for set (orig $55) or $11/ea to split (dram size not offered separately on site).
  

  A Midnight Dreary: coffee grounds, cedar smoke, rum, well aged leather, black vanilla, singed tonka, dripping wax, with a touch of spiced amber and fireplace embers.
  An Agony of Desire: bergamot, mandarin, juniper berries, pepper spiked plum, orris, white sandalwood, incense smoke and amber musk.
  Lost Lenore: dewy pink roses, faded parchment, ambergris, dried heather flowers, and white amber sugar.
  This Kingdom by the Sea: sea salt sprayed stone, sun bleached cedarwood, black amber resin, flowering wood sage, and sweet dune grass.
  The Moon Never Beams: vanilla beans, tonka infused cream, vanilla sugar musk, and just a whisper of vanilla orchids.
  

SAMPLES (and partials 2.5mL and under)

• Aether Arts - Reflection (Sage and Ozonic notes; Cactus Flower, Watery Notes, Sage and Floral Notes; Cedar and Woody Notes.) .74mL shop slink $6
• Alkemia - The Love Thief (Siberian roseroot, oud, myrrh, tonka, vanila, spices, ed zafran, candied angelica, davana, santal, vetiver) .74mL $4
• Arcana Craves - Honey Craves Sunshowers (warm cardamom, bright sunshine and scattered raindrops, then softened with Tahitian vanilla, sheer georgette, salty Ambroxan, and wildflower honey) 2mL in orig bottle $8
• Deep Midnight - Faerie Kitten (Sandalwood, Frangipani, Pear, Patchouli) $3
• Deep Midnight - Jersey Devil (Cranberry, Pine, Soil, Moss, Fog, Dead Leaves, Myrrh) $3
• Morari - Gingered Suede (Crystallized Ginger, Geranium, Suede, Benzoin) 1mL $2
• Morari - Penelope (Plumeria, melon rind, tomato, guava, jasmine, salt) 1mL $2
• Morari - The Wood Witches Magic (Cherry, Cardamom, Amber, Agarwood, Patchouli) 1mL $2
• Olympic Orchids - Night Flyer (sandalwood, olibanum wood, vetiver, furry musk accord, wet earth, damp air, mineral notes, resins, leather, figs, banana, soft tropical fruits.) .74mL $2
• Pineward - Mint Cocoa (notes unknown) 2mL EDP sample $5
• Pineward - Glühwein (cranberry, champaca, cherry compote, raspberry, fir balsam, chocolate, davana attar, oakmoss, frankincense) 2mL EDP sample $5
• Pineward - Cotswold (cedar, smoke, oakwood, ponderosa pine needles, vanilla.) ~.6mL in old-style slink $2
• Possets - Silver Roses (Rose, silver base) $2
• Solstice Scents - Tenebrous Mists (Skin Musk, White Amber, Sea Spray, Sandalwood, Bay Rum, Tea, Smoke) $2
• Solstice Scents - Mountain Vanilla (sweet clover, coumarin, vanilla musk, fresh green accord, poplar buds, morning dew) ~2mL in orig bottle $8
• Wylde Ivy - The Owl (crystalized wildflower honey, smoked vanilla beans, raw amber, and kindled birch wood) 2mL EDP sample $4
• Wylde Ivy - Clear Quartz (sweet ozone, fresh cotton, white tea leaves, babies breath, bergamot, sweet crystal water, white amber, and sheer musk) 2mL EDP sample $4

JEWELRY
I made these years ago and have worn each once or twice. Both are brass with stone, glass, and metal beads. I'd be happy to swap for 'em for approximate values (or just sell).

• Vaguely witchy purple necklace and earring set $25
• Sorta art deco-ish green necklace $20

many years ago my best friend since high school was getting married ( I didn't like the guy but was supportive of her) She and I had been thru hell and back for each other over many years, our families loved each other and we were even god mothers to each others kids. Well, her brother's wife was another story. She was a spiteful upright bible clutcher who never liked me. Especially after she tried to bully and be a bitch at my friend's fathers funeral. The sister-in-law, I'll call her Ann. She and I almost went to blows at the wake, that's another story. Anyway, my besties wedding comes up, I opted out of duties because the wedding was going to be too close to my due date. We were good with it and I was side line involved. I have my son a month before the wedding, I've always been a firm ' no babies at wedding or funerals' person but my mom got sick and couldn't babysit. Me and bestie discussed it and agreed I would just sit at the back of the church in case he got fussy. He was beyond perfect, A couple little happy coo noises but never crying. We get over to the reception , he's still being super baby all the girls were fawning over him asking to hold him, he was eating up the attention. Till Ann stepped up, my hatred for this woman was no secret but I was trying to play nice for my friends sake. Just as she got him close to her...the gods smiled and sent him spewing like a cartoon character. Just open mouth and go like Exorcist style but baby formula, which smells worse. No crying just Blech! It covered her completely even the hair, she was losing it so I went to get him back and my beloved little vomit machine just smiled and went back to being overly cute. She was screaming I had done it on purpose, while all the guests were simply " How?" Even the preacher was failing at hiding his laughter. It's been several years since her wedding and she still thanked him for that gift.

As I write this I am sitting back home at my parents - right where this all started - and seemingly its where I deserve to be. I am a 32 y/o male who has always been naturally gifted. I never had to study or work hard for anything that I wanted it had always been gifted to me with little to no effort. In public I always tried to be perfect and be a people pleaser but behind the scenes it was always a different story. Behind the scenes for the majority of my life I always took the easy route out - if it was either focus and do hard work or find a job or start a business I would always decide to wait until tomorrow and just survive the day instead of live the life ive always wanted. It will all make sense why I am writing this in this thread at the end.
(Keep in mind I did all this without knowing deeply that my anxiety has been holding me back and that I developed OCD tendencies in order to receive reassurances when stress was high throughout my life)
After this little introduction to give you a picture of my actions - the consequences were pretty dire. Long story short I started dating someone who I was never infatuated with but convinced myself she was good enough all because of this chronic anxiety I was dealing with. Whenever I would go on a date or sit with someone I would always be stressed have tension in my face and worry about the next words that would come out of my mouth. This has been a habit I have had for awhile. So when the opportunity arose I jumped on it.
This would lead to a 2.5 year relationship where I was unknowingly depressed and unattracted to my s/o and I just tried to make it work because the fear of uncertainty and anxiety have controlled my life.
Fast forward to the breakup - I wasn't devastated but I had become reliant on her for my conscience - although I know I never loved her I couldn't get over her because she gave my life meaning and to the outsider they would be able to see that I was in a relationship and thats really what has driven me my whole life. Not was genuinely made me happy but what others would think.
After that I decided I didnt care anymore about any of my fears and I started moving fast without pause. Got a new place, went to the gym, and was just a man on a mission. This was all great and suddenly that feeling of dread (OCD and anxiety) had disappeared, I didn't seem to care anymore. I got into a new relationship and for the first time in my life I was actually present and enjoying life without overthinking just being in the moment (my self-confidence was at a high).
One more fast forward to a year later - I had broken up with my new girlfriend and my anxious tendencies and ruminating slowly but surely started trickling back in - doubting my life decisions once again. Once these anxieties trickled back in and my OCD to keep me safe - my mind immediately wandered (without me knowing) making me think I wanted my first ex back - so thats exactly what I did except this time I was burneded to prove to her that I had changed. One night at dinner - I was trying to be normal self - but with all the stresses I had going on in my life I didnt realize that my anxiety and my OCD had been at an all time high - and the smallest thought such as understanding what someone said and me not understanding it forced me to tense up and retreat from the dinner. To summarize - next dinner I had I couldnt even be present from all the ruminating and I ended up with a tension headache where i felt like my whole scalp was squeezing - it was at this point where I knew something wasnt normal. I spent the next 2 months avoiding any social activities - doing my normal ruminating rituals which have worked all my life at the expense of time and perseverance - I would not do anything until I was mentally safe and confident. This led to a swift deterioration of my relationship as my ex did not show me any support or patience but pressured me to snap out of it which led me to working harder mentally and exasperating the problem.
Moved back into my parents with my promised business being put on pause and my relationship in the past. It was only at this time where I tried to find out why I was doing these compulsions and why I felt like I needed my thoughts to protect me and listen to them always in highly stressful situations. This is where my COD was spiraling out of control I had all these thoughts about how can I control my thoughts, I am human and we can make so many decisions about what to say or do. It seems like 32 years of getting through it caused a huge amount of uncertainty or doubt to the point I was experiencing depersonalization and unable to even talk to my mom or dad. I legitimately thought I was going crazy and deep down I realized that that was one of my biggest fears which drove my compulsions and my constant checking throughout my life. Everything started to improve once I understood why I was doing this and this is where I found out that I was doing OCD acrobatics in my mind for the majority of my life as well as that my anxiety was a cause of that.
This is also where I found meditation - and the ability to finally be able to sit with my thoughts no matter how strong how bothersome how loud they got and over the past month I have seen an unimaginable improvement from being obsessed with not being ok to starting to find acceptance. If you've made it this far thank you, and I would love any advice on how to make this sustainable long term so I can break my constant pattern of self-destruction and mediocrity and finally reach my full potential.
(I have left out many details obviously to make this as short as possible, but the crux of what I've had to deal with my whole life is there)

As I write this I am sitting back home at my parents - right where this all started - and seemingly its where I deserve to be. I am a 32 y/o male who has always been naturally gifted. I never had to study or work hard for anything that I wanted it had always been gifted to me with little to no effort. In public I always tried to be perfect and be a people pleaser but behind the scenes it was always a different story. Behind the scenes for the majority of my life I always took the easy route out - if it was either focus and do hard work or find a job or start a business I would always decide to wait until tomorrow and just survive the day instead of live the life ive always wanted. It will all make sense why I am writing this in this thread at the end.
(Keep in mind I did all this without knowing deeply that my anxiety has been holding me back and that I developed OCD tendencies in order to receive reassurances when stress was high throughout my life)
After this little introduction to give you a picture of my actions - the consequences were pretty dire. Long story short I started dating someone who I was never infatuated with but convinced myself she was good enough all because of this chronic anxiety I was dealing with. Whenever I would go on a date or sit with someone I would always be stressed have tension in my face and worry about the next words that would come out of my mouth. This has been a habit I have had for awhile. So when the opportunity arose I jumped on it.
This would lead to a 2.5 year relationship where I was unknowingly depressed and unattracted to my s/o and I just tried to make it work because the fear of uncertainty and anxiety have controlled my life.
Fast forward to the breakup - I wasn't devastated but I had become reliant on her for my conscience - although I know I never loved her I couldn't get over her because she gave my life meaning and to the outsider they would be able to see that I was in a relationship and thats really what has driven me my whole life. Not was genuinely made me happy but what others would think.
After that I decided I didnt care anymore about any of my fears and I started moving fast without pause. Got a new place, went to the gym, and was just a man on a mission. This was all great and suddenly that feeling of dread (OCD and anxiety) had disappeared, I didn't seem to care anymore. I got into a new relationship and for the first time in my life I was actually present and enjoying life without overthinking just being in the moment (my self-confidence was at a high).
One more fast forward to a year later - I had broken up with my new girlfriend and my anxious tendencies and ruminating slowly but surely started trickling back in - doubting my life decisions once again. Once these anxieties trickled back in and my OCD to keep me safe - my mind immediately wandered (without me knowing) making me think I wanted my first ex back - so thats exactly what I did except this time I was burneded to prove to her that I had changed. One night at dinner - I was trying to be normal self - but with all the stresses I had going on in my life I didnt realize that my anxiety and my OCD had been at an all time high - and the smallest thought such as understanding what someone said and me not understanding it forced me to tense up and retreat from the dinner. To summarize - next dinner I had I couldnt even be present from all the ruminating and I ended up with a tension headache where i felt like my whole scalp was squeezing - it was at this point where I knew something wasnt normal. I spent the next 2 months avoiding any social activities - doing my normal ruminating rituals which have worked all my life at the expense of time and perseverance - I would not do anything until I was mentally safe and confident. This led to a swift deterioration of my relationship as my ex did not show me any support or patience but pressured me to snap out of it which led me to working harder mentally and exasperating the problem.
Moved back into my parents with my promised business being put on pause and my relationship in the past. It was only at this time where I tried to find out why I was doing these compulsions and why I felt like I needed my thoughts to protect me and listen to them always in highly stressful situations. This is where my COD was spiraling out of control I had all these thoughts about how can I control my thoughts, I am human and we can make so many decisions about what to say or do. It seems like 32 years of getting through it caused a huge amount of uncertainty or doubt to the point I was experiencing depersonalization and unable to even talk to my mom or dad. I legitimately thought I was going crazy and deep down I realized that that was one of my biggest fears which drove my compulsions and my constant checking throughout my life. Everything started to improve once I understood why I was doing this and this is where I found out that I was doing OCD acrobatics in my mind for the majority of my life as well as that my anxiety was a cause of that.
This is also where I found meditation - and the ability to finally be able to sit with my thoughts no matter how strong how bothersome how loud they got and over the past month I have seen an unimaginable improvement from being obsessed with not being ok to starting to find acceptance. If you've made it this far thank you, and I would love any advice on how to make this sustainable long term so I can break my constant pattern of self-destruction and mediocrity and finally reach my full potential.
(I have left out many details obviously to make this as short as possible, but the crux of what I've had to deal with my whole life is there)

I need advice on how to deal with my situation appropriately and it’s been going on for awhile now. It seems to be getting worse each time.
I’m almost 22 and have been married since 2021. My Husband and I have a beautiful 2 year old Daughter. Back when I first met my husband I was 18 and had gotten kicked out of my house (my mom and I had a bad relationship at the time) Having nowhere to go my now husband asked his parents if I could stay with them. He was 19 at the time and had just came back from Army Basic Training. His Dad didn’t have a problem with it but his Mom didn’t want me there and I didn’t know it at that time but I never resented her for that especially now as a Mom myself. I wasn’t talking to my Mom or any of my family at the time. I really appreciated them taking me in. I was very shy and didn’t talk much. It was a new environment for me. He told his parents everything. They seemed to have a really close bond. We sat at the dinner table every night with them. It was all new for me and naturally I felt like a burden.
My Mom called out of the blue and my Husband convinced me to answer and talk things out. My mom apologized for everything and she seen that I went to the doctor from an email she had gotten and she knew I was pregnant. When my Husband and I found out we decided we wanted to move to Florida so he could start a career and become a cop eventually so he applied for correctional officer jobs in Fl. My mom knew and she had to take me to my appointments while we still lived in Nc because my husband worked and I didn’t have a car. My husband’s sister knew because he couldn’t keep it from her. His sister told their Grandpa and even told their Mom “I won’t say yes, but I won’t say no” when asked if I was pregnant. We didn’t tell his parents because almost everyday was a lecture about how we better not get pregnant and she would constantly ask if I was taking birth control. She said a few times that she’d “kick our ass” if she found out we were. I didn’t know them well enough to feel comfortable telling them and my Husband just didn’t want a lecture about something we wanted. We were 18 and 19. Yes, that’s super young but we talked about starting a family and moving away and starting a life together. He wanted to be a cop and I wanted to Stay home and raise babies.
So my family got together to throw us a going away party/gender reveal party and also that’s the day my husband proposed to me. His parents knew about the engagement (which btw I later found out his mom didn’t approve when he first told them he wanted to marry me) but they still didn’t know we were pregnant. At this point I felt like his parents liked me and I really liked them. We moved to Fl and his parents even volunteered to put a down payment on a house if we pay the mortgage and eventually buy it from them. We were incredibly grateful. I was actually shocked they offered. I wasn’t there when they talked it over but my Husband and I were planning to rent somewhere before they came up with this idea. His Mom did make comments to people that it was going to be their vacation home and also telling us that the spare room in the house would be their room when they come down Meanwhile, we knew the spare room would be our future child’s room and It did make me a little uncomfortable about it all but I was still trying to show respect and gratitude.
We were staying in an airbnb until the house closed and we got married at a courthouse shortly after and that’s when he called his parents and told them we were pregnant. Naturally they were upset and felt left out and I felt bad but they put some much pressure on us. After that we made the announcement publicly to all friends and family that we were expecting a baby and everything seemed fine. His Mom and Dad were happy, My parents were happy. My mom did later on. tell me that my Husband’s Mom called her telling her that she was going to be in charge of the baby shower since we left her out and that she was owed the right to be there for the first ultrasound for the next baby and she was making my mom feel like she couldn’t be involved in the baby shower, but it didn’t work out the way she wanted because I was the one that planned my own baby shower and my Mom stayed there all night making desserts and that I am sure made her mad when she could’ve went there and helped my mom that night and since then it felt like my Husband’s Mom didn’t like mine.
Slowly I started to realize that they didn’t respect us. For a few examples, lecturing us over and over about something, calling telling us to do things that didn’t concern them something as simple as sending an important paper in the mail, or fixing our car. if we didn’t agree with them, we just said OK to them we never talked back or argued. I told them that I didn’t want anyone at the house when we had our daughter and they came down to stay for a week and she was trying so hard to stay for me to go into labor when my own mom couldn’t make it down to be there. I just wanted it to be me and my Husband because by that point we found out that he was going to deploy two months after we were going to have our baby for a whole year and I wanted that time with just him. luckily, I went into labor the day after they got back home.
He deployed when our daughter was only a month and a half old and I went to live with his parents for a year because I couldn’t be by myself. I didn’t know anyone I had no family or friends down in Florida, so I just wanted some emotional support during that time two months postpartum with a newborn, and I had a fear of driving. sorry, I started regretting that decision because I felt judged and uncomfortable and unwelcome. They would say little out-of-the-way things to me and make me feel like what I was going through, wasn’t a reason to feel the way I did. I had no motivation I was depressed and I was homesick but I still got up every day and took care of my baby. I never needed their help taking care of her. I just wanted people to talk to when I was having anxiety or when my husband and I were going through problems. she never wanted to be comforting during our fights. She would always tell me or my husband that we weren’t gonna make it and we were gonna end up getting a divorce and she even told me one time that she would not let our daughter grow up around that meaning us arguing when we were going through a long-distance relationship and having a hard time. while living with her, she told me that I needed to get off my phone and pay more attention to our daughter even though it wasn’t like I was neglecting her, I would just do things to keep my mind busy when my daughter was content and didn’t need me. my husband was overseas so we had different time zone so I had to adjust to that while taking care of a baby. I constantly felt judged by them. I didn’t like driving so I would always DoorDash things I needed. I bought everything that my daughter needed. I bought breakfast and lunch for us. The only thing that they provided was dinner.
my mother-in-law’s aunt lived right next-door and she would asked me to go out and run errands with her all the time and it helped me get out of the house. We would go grocery shopping together and she took me anywhere i needed to go. we had good conversations and it was a way to bring us closer. she was really there for me when no one else was emotionally . multiple times while living with them. They would ignore me when I would ask for my daughter back tell me “no it’s okay” they got her or when she was screaming they thought that they could comfort her more than I could and they would not hand her back to me.
I’m sorry this is super freaking long but fast forward to May of last year.
my sister-in-law, and I have the same birthday and she lives in North Carolina and at this time his parents live in Tennessee they took off work to go down to North Carolina to spend time with their daughter on her birthday but she decided to go to the beach so they took the opportunity to come down to Florida for my birthday and I was already upset that my family couldn’t be there but I decided to try and enjoy it. we had been arguing with his parents a week before, and I didn’t want them to come down and continue to argue with us and ruin my birthday and that’s exactly what happened the day after my birthday they were outside washing our house because they said it was really dirty and we went next-door to swim for 20 minutes.
We came back and they were so mad and said that we needed to get rid of our dog, because it chewed the table they gave us, and before we had time to even react, she told us the table was destroyed, and we need to figure something out about the dog so we went in and saw that the leg of the table was chewed, and our dog was in a cage shaking with P all over the house. We were upset because they were demanding that we get rid of our dog before even trying to talk it out like adults and for us to actually feel sorry about what had happened we let it go for a little bit and I was in my room on the phone with my mom and that’s when I heard my husband and his dad getting into an argument. His dad was cussing him and my husband walked through our room to go outside because we were grilling out and his dad followed so I told my mom that I would have to call her back at that same moment my husbands mom open the door and demanded that I get outside and listen to what they had to say. I didn’t say anything I just walked outside and they bashed for everything, our financial struggles, the fact that I didn’t take Mother’s Day to go get cookies to my husband’s grandma in a nursing home
I was shaking so bad I was so upset that they were just yelling and screaming and bashing us, and I was just sitting there quiet not saying anything back. I finally had enough and I started standing up for myself, saying that I didn’t appreciate how they didn’t care about my feelings so they asked me to give them examples. I told them whenever I had my wedding, I also had a miscarriage and I didn’t feel comfortable with one of my sister-in-law‘s friends coming, and I was made out to be the bad guy, and they only thought about her and how I ended up giving in and letting her come because I didn’t want her sitting at a hotel by herself so I was still thinking about someone else’s feelings, but no one was thinking about mine and how I was going through a hard time and they of course shut that down and gave excuses.
I gave them another example about how Christmas of 2022 was going to be mine and my husband and daughter‘s first Christmas ever together because he was deployed for our daughter’s first Christmas my dad had also died December 5 of 2022 and I was also supposed to be pregnant by that time but I lost the baby. I didn’t even get to get anything out and explain my side. The only thing I could get out was “like Christmas-“ and she started waving her hands and screaming and sayin “my son was deployed for a year and I lost my dad”(he died in 2019) I was taken back, but I calmly said” my dad died too” and she fires back and yells. “Yeah, but mine was my life “ I shut down after that how dare she say that and try to one up me ? because my dad had just died a few weeks before that Christmas that we were talking about but she made it about her, which honestly proves my point when I told him they didn’t care about my feelings. She turns around and attacks me and makes it about her but I didn’t even have time to explain that I just wanted Christmas morning to be a tradition with my family. My daughter and my husband and I was going through a hard time anyways, so I was trying to say that it upset me that they made it out to people like we didn’t even want them there when they spent a week with us before Christmas. They live 7 hours away so we can’t have the normal grandparents come over Christmas afternoon like everyone else in my family can’t come over for Christmas morning so they shouldn’t be able to either and the point at the end of the day is that we were that’s what we wanted as a family of three to have Christmas mornings with our daughter.
she didn’t talk to me for the rest of that day and the next day they had left early to go see my husband’s grandma at the nursing home that they moved her to and my mother-in-law texted my husband and asked if we wanted to meet them for lunch so we did I said right across from her in a booth and she didn’t even look at me once or speak to me at all when my daughter‘s food came out it was hot so I put it closer to me to try to break up her food and let it cool down each time she would pull it away from me because my daughter was sitting next to her. I would pull it back and take out the bag of chips and then she would pull it back I would pull it back and dump out her green beans and she would take it back. She did it 3 times all while not looking at me and I still was the bigger person and didn’t say anything and continue to act like nothing happened
when we got back to our house, I went to my screen porch for the rest of the time that they were there. My husband and his parents were in our kitchen and when they were ready to leave my husband came and got me and told me that I should come say goodbye, so I stood in the driveway while my husband, my daughter and his parents all laughed, hugged and kissed and said goodbyes, and then she walks up to me and speaks like a robot in a way of not even wanting to come up to me, like it was bothering her that she even had to speak to me and she just said “bye. Love you” in a really rude way over something that she said to me and it’s funny too because in her hand was a homemade Mother’s Day gift that I made her but she’s going to talk to me like that, and ignore me and treat me like that over her yelling at me and putting me down about my pain with my dad. After they pulled out of the driveway , I went back to the screen porch and cried because that’s the first time I fully felt like I wasn’t part of their family and she showed her true colors once I tried to stand up for myself about her being disrespectful to me when for the three years that I’ve been with my husband at this point, I’ve never spoken back to her or disrespected her
for days they ignored us, and I just cried over my dad because he’s gone and it was like throwing my grief in my face and my husband finally told his mom that she needed to apologize to me. She called him and asked to speak to him alone, and I later found out that she was saying that I took everything the wrong way and she didn’t mean it like that. Finally she text me and basically tells me the same thing that she wasn’t saying anything about my relationship with my dad. She was simply saying why she needed Christmas morning with her family. I didn’t accept her apology because it was basically making excuses, but I decided not to hold her accountable and I just simply explain to her that Christmas has never been the same for me since my grandparents died and then I just wanted that special moment with my daughter especially now that my dad it was gone and I moved on from it I for gave her a few months after this happened she came down for my daughters birthday, and it was still awkward and I was still a little hurt by the way she treated me, but I was trying to MoveOn for it for my husband and daughter sake, and even my own.
After May 2023 it seemed like things were going good they would call and the conversations were nice they weren’t lecturing. We finally thought they learned their lesson after the big blowup in May but then fast forward to April 2024.
they came down suddenly in April after coming down a few weeks before just to visit because my husband’s grandma wasn’t doing too good she was in the hospital and they were preparing for her to pass away. I was taking ovulation medication because we were trying to have another baby. I felt very hung over sound out am I anxiety was the worst it has ever been I would cry almost every night because I would almost go into panic attacks so while they were here, I stopped taking the medicine and was still suffering side effects so I try to stay out of the way because I know they were grieving and everything was happening so suddenly for them and I wanted to be there to support my husband, his work schedule was so messed up that he only had a few hours after waking up to be able to go to the hospital before having to leave for work until 1 AM in the morning so I was never able to go with him to see his grandma, but he asked me if he thought she was about to die if I would go with her and I said of course. Well she passed away before we can make it to the hospital and I know everyone was devastated. This was a day after Easter. My husband had to work on Easter so before we even knew the condition of his grandma’s health, we plan to have our own Easter and egg hunt the day after Easter because my husband would be off work, and that is the day that she passed away so I told my husband that we could cancel our egg hunt and he said no because he wanted to be there with our daughter and enjoy that time. I also invited his parents because I thought it would be good for them to get their mind off of things, and I made a bunch of desserts, including homemade cookies that his mother had asked me to make weeks before this for the next time they came down we grilled out and there was gonna be plenty of food for them and I wanted that time with them as well, but I respected that they needed time to themselves after his dad had just lost his mother.
they had been staying in a hotel, the whole time they were here but the day after she passed away, they came over that morning, and our house was a mess because we had a cookout the night before, and my husband was grieving and upset and we were just too tired to clean and we were planning to get it the next morning They wanted to take our daughter to the park and Dairy Queen and we were going to stay back because we both weren’t feeling too well and we were going to clean the house but before they left my husband’s Dad told us “I wish I would come with us.” so my husband told him that we would get ready and meet him there and that’s exactly what we did. We had lunch with them and the little things like forcing her to eat a hamburger when I told him that she like chicken nuggets or taking her drink away and telling her she’s not feeling up on a drink that she’s going to eat always bothered me and there’s always done it but I knew that at this time it wasn’t my opportunity to stand up because he just lost his mom and I didn’t want to start anything not that I would’ve been rude about it but they never take it for what it is. It’s disrespect if we stand up or tell them we don’t like what they’re doing but I told my husband that what happened in May would never happen again.
we were driving my mom’s truck because my husband‘s truck was in the shop and we went to a thrift store while his parents took our daughter to the park at the thrift store. I found an angel that I wanted to gift his dad to show sympathy. I got a few little toys for my daughter to so when we left we were on our way to meet them at the park and that’s when the mechanic called my husband and said his truck was ready. He called his mom to ask if his dad would follow him and get the truck and if his mom will drive my mom’s truck back home because I was under the influence with the side effects of the medication. She then asked if I couldn’t just make it to the park and the mechanics is right behind the park so of course I could have, but I didn’t see the difference of them going to getting it when we were ready to leave the park together or us going and getting it so we went to the park instead so I could give my daughter her toys.
while I was in the truck getting the gifts out for my husband’s dad, my husband went over to explain that I would just feel more comfortable if they went and got the truck because I was under the influence and later on I found out that his mom said “no she’s not, and saying that I was lying” but when I got out of the truck, she was talking all nice to me and explaining that my husband and my father-in-law we’re going to go get his truck and she even told me to watch my daughter for a second while she went and grabbed her drink out of the car and hit my head. I thought that was crazy that she told me to watch my own daughter, but she those are the little things that I let go and let her say because there’s no point of talking back. It always will start something.
if you’re with me so far, this is the end in our current situation. We all got back home and they walked in and saw that our puppy Peed on the floor and they got mad. We tried to let it go because my father-in-law‘s mom just died and there’s no sense of getting into an argument. We went to our neighbors to give them desserts that I had made for a cookout because I didn’t want them to go to waste while we were there. His mom texted him asking if our daughter could spend the night with them in a hotel when we thought they were staying with us first I didn’t say no I just said where is she going to sleep and they said in the bed with us I didn’t like that. I wanted her to be in a crib so we said no but we even called the hotel to ask if they had cribs to rent because somebody in the hotel said no so we were trying to compromise. We got back to our house and they were so mad. They were ready to leave without saying bye his dad was already in the car and his mom was walking out the door and didn’t really wanna speak to us. We asked her what the issue was and they went off. He went to the car to talk to his dad. his dad screamed at him and drove off. I was so upset because there was no reason to treat us like that when we have boundaries with our daughter and they were supposed to stay with us, but they decided that they were too upset about the dog peeing, and that our house was a little messy from the night before that they wanted to stay in a hotel, and they wanted to take our daughter too.
The next day I had an eye doctors appointment that I scheduled months in advance, and my husband had a job interview and they did not communicate when they were coming over so my husband was already gone and I was about to walk out the door. My husband’s grandpa lives right next-door because we moved him down here a few months ago and they were out there talking to him so I let my daughter go say bye to them and they didn’t speak to me at all. again the same treatment like back in May how she didn’t even want to look in my direction or speak to me so I left and they then texted my husband how I just took off with my own daughter, so there was no reason to stick around blaming me, of course.
I understand that his dad was going through a hard time but my husband also just lost his grandma and that just so happen to be my dad‘s birthday. I wasn’t going to make it about me of course not but I still didn’t wanna get yelled at on my dad‘s birthday I wanted to remember him and have a good day. I texted his mom three days after the incident. Nothing about the text was rude. I just told her that I was blown way by the disrespect and I didn’t like how they treated us. I brought back up me and how it was unfair that she thinks she can continue to yell and scream at us and ignore us. she read it and instantly called my husband and tried to bash me and I tried to speak up and she shut me up telling me that she was talking to her son not me my husband told her not to speak to his wife that way and she tries to bash me and say that I didn’t even want to say sorry to my father-in-law for his loss when I tried to do little things like buy him that angel and make cookies for them and I made a grocery order the night they came down and I clean the house and I was expecting to cook dinner for them and host them but they stayed in a hotel the whole time
she bashed us saying that we didn’t even offer them a shower, or anything to drink or anything to eat when they came home but right when we walked in the door is when they started yelling and lecturing us about dog pee, and it went downhill from there so we didn’t even have time to offer anything that they wanted or needed but every time they come over they make themselves at home because their name is on the deed even though we pay for the home, they act like it’s their home and they do whatever they please, so there was no reason we felt like we needed to assist them to the shower or ask if they needed anything even though that morning they got there She asked if I had any Dr Pepper and I said no that I had Sprite and she didn’t want that so at this point she’s just trying to make us look bad like it was our fault and they didn’t feel welcome here so that’s why they went to a hotel that night.
she was so rude and making excuses and disrespecting me not wanting me to talk to her. She kept saying she wanted to talk to her son and not me and she even called me a little girl at that point I had enough I was finally standing up for myself after four years of my mother-in-law saying out-of-the-way things to me and putting me down and lecturing me, I finally had enough I never cussed once at her I never cussed on her because I respect her enough, but I finally had enough of shutting my mouth and letting her talk to me anyway she want it. I told her she was not gonna call me a little girl and that she was going to hear from me because she’s bashing me to my husband, I tried to explain my side, but she kept on and on accusing us and saying that we were the reason for all of this and that they did nothing wrong and keep in mind, we have never raised our voice to them. We have never cussed at them we have never told them. Hey you’re wrong we don’t agree we just let them have their way and we were done May 2023 was our breaking point even though then we still were respectful, this time we weren’t gonna let them have their way and feel like they were right
The next week my husband went to go pick up his grandma’s ashes because before the fight that was the arrangements because they had to go back home to Tennessee he called the funeral home and they said that the day before his mom called and told them that they were coming down for the weekend to get them but they said nothing about that to us and at this point he hasn’t spoken to his dad in a week. he told his mom that he didn’t even feel welcome at the funeral, and that it really upset him. His mom told him that I had nothing to do with the fight, and that his dad simply just wanted his mothers ashes and she made excuses of course later that day she calls and I heard everything she said even though she thought I wasn’t around and she continue to bash me over and over about how everything was my fault, and I never wanted them around our daughter or to have a relationship with her.
it was extremely hard for me to keep my mouth shut for an entire hour when someone’s making things up and bashing you she think those want to say that she’s sick and tired of me calling her a liar, which I’m never said hey you’re a liar I just said that her apology wasn’t sincere and she continued to say that I took it the wrong way when she was bashing me about my dad and tell her that’s calling her a liar because she continues to say she didn’t mean it like that but the reason I brought back up made her was to say she thinks she can continue to talk to me that way and get away with it and that I was tired of it. my husband try to stand up for me and tell her how it made me feel like she was comparing my pain to hers about my dad and then she makes the snarky remark” I actually had a relationship with Mine”. she was talking about her relationship with her dad and comparing it to mine so again she’s throwing up my pain and trying to one up me and again argue on why she should’ve been there Christmas morning and she even said” I was explaining what I needed Christmas morning with my son and his daughter” His daughter???!
after that phone call, everything seem to be fine with his parents and my husband but she was still ignoring me. She wouldn’t call or message me and apologize or even explain herself. She just wanted to bash me to my husband and now everything was cool with them and they came down for a weekend to get my husband’s grandma‘s ashes and they went to the park with my husband and daughter and I decided to stay home because I didn’t want anything to go down and I be blamed for ruining that hard time for his family. My husband said they didn’t even ask about me and I know that they were happy that I wasn’t around because she made a post about how she just needed that time with her son and granddaughter, and everything was worded perfectly but I know that that was a dig at me and every time I would post something about the way I was feeling just little quotes that I see she would always post something as if she was speaking to me. it didn’t matter if it was something to do with disrespect or my daughter, or supporting my husband she would always find a post to relate it about what I’m posting. stuff like “no one could love her children the way she does” when I would post about how I love my husband and that I am there to support him
ever since then she has been calling my husband to bash me and come up with a new reasons on why I am the bad guy and I’m sick of it so if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading my story because I don’t even know what to do at this point my husband wants to cut her off maybe not forever but he wants her to understand that she can’t keep treating me like this and even treating him like this because the last phone call was two days ago when we thought everything was at least cool with my husband and his parents even though I knew she still had a problem with me over things she said to me she calls him and bashes me and tells my husband that he’s not standing up for his parents and that that’s wrong and that that is his blood family and that he should be the hero and fix everything or she’s not gonna want to be around me
i’ve read a bunch of other stories about toxic in-laws, and there’s a lot that are way worse than my situation but I’ve had enough of her talking to me anyway she wants, putting me down, lecturing me, throwing my dad’s death in my face as if her relationship was greater and her pain is worse and I’m just sick of it because I can’t even look at pictures of my dad without crying and regretting and it’s really hard to stand up for myself when someone bashes me and makes themself the victim when I know for a fact, the last four years I’ve been nothing but kind to her. Yes, she has done things for me, but when she treats me bad, she uses that as a way to say “look at everything I’ve done for her and she wants to treat me like this?” just because I stand up for myself when she yells at me and I don’t know what to do so if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I need help

My former friend, who lives in another state, has only dated what she described as bad boyfriends - she said they were sociopaths, users, etc. When she met a new guy who had a very good job, she immediately moved in with him, stopped working, and they got engaged soon after.
He bought a house and we went to visit. My family felt the guy was unfriendly/off. There was a TON of PDA in front of my child, and they would leave us siting in the living room to go "take a nap" every day. She ignored me to the point where I broke down in tears - I had come all that way to visit and she acted like she didn't care. This is a trait of hers. She hugged me and apologized and things improved.
When they got engaged, I offered to help because she helped minimally with my wedding 20 years ago. So here's where the drama starts. She was all set on this particular wedding a couple years back. I helped look at the locations remotely , we discussed menus, the dress, ideas, the whole thing. They were now trying to get pregnant and it was looking like she had infertility issues. He really wanted a family. But they wanted to get married first.
He called the wedding off/postponed it to do updates on the house instead (her words). They were still trying to get pregnant and now working on getting an egg donor. I talked all this out with her, comforted her, etc. I purposefully didn't talk about my life much at all, because she was going though all this.
*Please note: all of our communication was over text. She told me she didn't like talking on the phone a while ago, so we never, ever spoke on the phone. Only texts and occasional visits when we were in each other's states. In retrospect, I get this was a red flag.
Fast forward about a year, and finally they have everything set for her to get pregnant. Still not married. A while later, she got pregnant and they decide OK, let's invite our close family and friends for a VERY small, low-key, low-stress, mini wedding. And then maybe have a larger wedding later.
The mini-wedding is what I helped with, all over text, many texts per day. We exchanged tons of photos and messages about this very small, simple, intimate, LOW KEY and LOW STRESS event as she was at an advanced age when she got pregnant.
She constantly told me how low key this was as we looked at pretty place settings, menus, talked about decor, dresses, everything. It was so delightful to talk about all the nice touches and I hope it took her mind off her fears and discomfort of being pregnant at an advanced age.
The groom did not want anyone staying in his very spacious house for the wedding. She offered to pay for my plane ticket and an air bnb for all the help. I graciously declined.
So I got my tickets, booked the air bnb, and then 2 weeks later found out that the Friday before her wedding was my son's graduation from grade school. An earlier calendar version of the school year had it the following week, but the school board actually changed the calendar and moved it up a few days. It sounds almost unbelievable, and I am still upset about that date change.
Rather than being able to fly out early, visit the venue, look at the decor, meet the caterer, and go over everything in person to prepare, I had to be here for my child. She didn't offer another option when I told her about the date change - we were both at a loss about that. So I paid a fortune to change my ticket and flew out right after his ceremony, forgoing all the weekend graduation celebrations, even lunch afterwards. I regret that, especially now. My child should have come first.
So I landed Friday night. I have severe altitude sickness, insomnia, and a concerning autoimmune health condition that is being diagnosed right now and is triggered by stress. She knows about the insomnia and has even tried to offer solutions, but probably not the severity of the health issue bc I didn't want to burden her with that.
She said all along this "mini wedding" with 20 people or so would be simple and stress-free. Right when I got there, there was drama with his mother, who has full blown dementia and didn't know why she was there. He (the groom) had no idea his mom had ANY dementia. So while she was frantic and lost, we were trying to get on with things I guess? He went out with his friends but was in a bad state because he didn't know his mom was like this. He was planning to have her be a huge part of taking care of the baby and was going to relocate her to their state.
Ok, so while that was going on, she had me, her other attendant, and the 2 mothers do a formal rehearsal that night at her house...and then started to explain this DIY design element she wanted me and her other friend to re-create down at the wedding site. We had talked about this DIY thing via text and I understood and could do it, but she was concerned about it being right.
THEN she started talking about changing the setup time in the morning (I had created a spreadsheet for her with all the times and my go-time was 9am).
Knowing I'd just flown in that night and have a history of insomnia, she changed the time at the last minute. I thought about the new time and realized with the time change in the new state, which is already an hour earlier, I might not be in good shape for that early of a go-time. This is not a petty concern - I am working on getting a diagnosis, but without good rest, and with altitude sickness, I get very confused, disoriented, I have bad diarrhea, I pee constantly, can be shaky on my legs, and an emotional mess. It sucks and is private and personal and embarrassing. But if I am rested I can present myself normally.
Her other friend insisted she could handle the design element and had been to the wedding venue. She kept reassuring us she could do it and it'd be a cinch. It was simple, after all. If she had not been so confident I would have pushed somehow to shift the time back to the original 9am go-time to just get it done and get it done right. That is the whole reason I was there - to HELP.
After she changed the setup time, it was agreed that at 9am I'd be at the bride's house helping her get ready, then go to the location, help her and her other attendant with their makeup there, and also help throughout the rest of the event, which I did.
In the evening, after the wedding lunch, instead of a reception, they had a baby shower. A couple of the guests seemed "off" to me - like not very nice. Now I know she badmouthed me to them.
Back home, I sent a text to her to say I thought she looked gorgeous and it went beautifully. She was short in her reply. A few weeks later, after I got back from a family vacation, I touched base with her again. And just the tone of her text...I realized she was angry with me for not being at the site to do the setup.
I immediately wrote a very heartfelt reply explaining what my experience was and my apologies, etc. It took me 3 hours to write. She replied with a short, cruel text saying I flaked on her, that I said rude things (she never clarified), that I could not set aside my own needs just for one day, that she could not bear to look at the pictures from the wedding, that I kept offering to help, and "lesson learned."
She then said there was something wrong with the baby. So immediately I dropped all that and focused on helping her and being there for her. She made it through the delivery and baby is healthy and perfect. I sent gifts and we were on good terms.
Then I get a mass email announcing she's throwing herself a large, splashy wedding and everyone can come meet the baby. I wrote back saying I thought it would be a really nice event, sending best wishes, etc. No reply from her.
She has displayed micro-aggressive behaviors since then (yeah, all via text) and when I said we would graciously not be attending the larger wedding, she disregarded my texts completely - my last text was asking how her baby was and she ignored it.
I realized this was intentional, and finally sent a very firm text message telling her she crossed a line and that I can't have friends like that in my life.
AITA?

TwoSun 21- this was a gift so I could practice anodizing, which I did. I also had it lasered by Laser Perfect Customs, which cost 50 bucks. The 3-D pattern looks great. Never cut or Carried, very slicey. Clip got scratched. SV=$69
Clone Protech Mordax - Bought off the Swap to fidget with because it has thumbstuds!! Was fun for a while, but I need money. Never carried. Cut me once. SV=$30
SMKE Arius - M390 high quality clone. I actually tracked this down on here. Great clone. ON SKIFFS. True guillotine. Carried for a weekend, used once, and sharpened by me. Hate to see it go, but y'all know how it goes. Comes in SMKE box. SV=$130
PPFF no notes.
Timestamp and video: https://imgur.com/gallery/gYZMV6n

TwoSun 21- this was a gift so I could practice anodizing, which I did. I also had it lasered by Laser Perfect Customs, which cost 50 bucks. The 3-D pattern looks great. Never cut or Carried, very slicey. Clip got scratched. SV=$69
Clone Protech Mordax - Bought off the Swap to fidget with because it has thumbstuds!! Was fun for a while, but I need money. Never carried. Cut me once. SV=$30
SMKE Arius - M390 high quality clone. I actually tracked this down on here. Great clone. ON SKIFFS. True guillotine. Carried for a weekend, used once, and sharpened by me. Hate to see it go, but y'all know how it goes. Comes in SMKE box. SV=$130
PPFF no notes.
Timestamp and video: https://imgur.com/gallery/gYZMV6n
Extra TwoSun video