I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

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SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS NUMEROLOGY DECODE

Since we all know exactly who and what Spongebob is, I am going to do a Numerology decode.
When it comes to Numerology, there are many different things you can look into. I am going to look into the letters, patterns, and Numerology personality numbers.
SPONGEBOB has a personality #6. 6 is the number of compassion, work ethic, criticism, cleanliness, and productivity. In the funny show, we see that Spongebob is a workaholic. He has a 5 destiny number which shapes who you are overall. 5 is connected to youthfulness which explains the silliness of the Spongebob character. He is always laughing and doing things funny. The 5 energy indicates this. 5 also points to people, places, and things that are unique. He has an 8 soul urge which explains his undying ambition and creativity.
We can see that SPONGEBOB has 2 O's which has the numeric energy of 15 and numeric value of 6. 15 is the creative use of energy for productivity. Again, 6 is the number of routine, work ethic and productivity goes with this. This energy is not only his personality number, but also it is within his name. It's really in him.
SPONGEBOB HAS DOUBLE NUMERIC VALUES IN HIS NAME WHICH ARE, 7,6,5, AND 2. This explains why he is able to show his emotions and have moments of sensitivity(2). Very compassionate(2) but also childish and silly(5) and able to come up with plans that work(7). Since these #s has double influence, we must considered what they equal. 7 twice equals 14/5 which shows how he is responsible and can make work fun even though it is a duty(6). 6 twice equals 12/3 which shows his social skills, life, and creativity. Another youthful energy as well. 5 twice equals 10/1 which points to his bravery and capability to take action. 2 twice equals 4 which is home,family,responsibility, and structure on the home front and he would make everyone feel comfortable for the most part.
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His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges

We just went NC over the weekend in the midst of an all out fight on the phone. It was verbalized at that time by me as "a break" but my husband is certain this is permanent.
My daughter's birthday is tomorrow. I'm trying to figure out what to do if she texts/calls to wish a happy birthday.
Currently, my thought is to respond with this text. What do you think we should do? ETA: my husband would be the one to send this.
I can appreciate your desire to wish "daughter" a happy birthday, but that conversation is not going to happen. We have decided that the relationship between us is permanently severed. Ever since we became parents, you have undermined, disrespected, and guilt-tripped us on a chronic basis. On numerous occasions, you have acted against our explicit directions and not respected us when we have told you "no". When we have brought these concerns to you, you have evaded accountability, played the victim, not apologized, and you do not change your behavior. Our conversations over the past weekend has proven you are not safe person for my family. Do not contact us. Do not attempt to see us. Do not step foot on our property. Anyone you ask to gather information on us for you or speak to us on your behalf will likewise be removed from our lives. Goodbye.

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⚠️ WARNING: Maasverse Spoilers—Proceed with Caution ⚠️

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Part 1: Characters and Courts (sorry for those who already saw this post and now it's gone. I realized after publishing that Reddit formatting deleted a solid CHUNK of detail after the fact. Gimme a few days and I'll get it back up and published)
Part 2: World Map, Items, Terms & Other - YOU ARE HERE
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If this is the first post you've landed on, see Part 1 above for an introductory explanation to this two part post.

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https://preview.redd.it/tblspn7am90d1.png?width=832&format=png&auto=webp&s=0e1c5d11b53736e3ac49b29e6734dba821f44e4e

UK + IRELAND

PRYTHIAN

A combination of Prydain, the old Welsh name for Britain, and Brython, which translates to “Ancient Britons” from Welsh.

HYBERN

A riff of Hibernia, the Classical Latin name for Ireland.

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Artist of Prythian map: P-dulcis on redbubble

ADDITIONAL EUROPEAN-PARALLEL LOCATIONS

ILLYRIA

The Ancient Greeks used the term Illyria to define a region in the western part of the Balkan Peninsula. The numerous peoples who populated those areas were known collectively as the Illyrians. The region itself is quite mountainous.

THE MIDDLE

May refer to the Midlands, the central part of England, though geographically the Prythian map places the Middle central to Prythian, not central to England; with the Prythian inclusion of Scotland, the Middle on Prythian maps is located further north than the actual Midlands of England.

UNDER THE MOUNTAIN

A potential nod to the Schiehallion, a cone-shaped mountain often referred to as the center of Scotland. It's name comes from the Gaelic Sìth Chailleann, meaning "fairy hill of the Caledonians." On the southwestern side of the mountain is said to lie the well-concealed Uamh Tom a' Mhòr-fhir, a cave serving as an entrance to the underworld.
As the Schiehallion lies in the middle of Scotland (the Night Court) and not the middle of mainland UK (Prythian), the Sciehallion could instead be representative of Ramiel.

THE WESTERN ISLES

May refer to the Outer Hebrides, also known as the Western Isles, which is an island chain off the west coast of mainland Scotland. They are also sometimes known as Innse Gall, a Gaelic term meaning "islands of the foreigners/strangers" which was originally used by mainland Highlanders when the islands were ruled by the Norse.
ACOTAR role: The Prison is located in the Western Isles.

THE PRISON

Though located in the Inner Hebrides of Scotland rather than the Outer, the Prison may be a nod to Beinn Shiantaidh, which is Scottish Gaelic for "holy mountain." It is located on the western side of the Island of Jura and is the second highest peak of the Paps of Jura.
Fun fact: Pap is of Old Norse origin and means breast.

VALLAHAN

Valhalla is the hall of slain warriors in Norse mythology, located in Asgard, where those who die in combat live in peace under the leadership of the god, Odin. They are said to dwell in Valhalla until the events of Ragnarök, where they will then march out to fight in aid of Odin against the jötnar, a type of being in Germanic mythology.
ACOTAR role: Vallahan is a faerie territory located in the northwest portion of the Continent.

ADRIATA

The Adriatic Sea is located in Southern Europe and separates the Italian Peninsula from the Balkan Peninsula. It contains more than 1,300 islands.

BOG OF OORID

The Oorid Lough is a freshwater lake in the west of Ireland.

CRETEA

Crete is the largest and southernmost island in Greece.
ACOTAR role: Cretea is where Miryam and Drakon's people lived following the War.

LAPPLUND

Lapland is a geographic region in Northern Fennoscandia which covers much of the Nordic countries. It is also a province of Sweden and the largest region of Finland.
ACOTAR role: Lapplund is where the Cauldron was hidden.

ITICA

Ithaca is an island featured in the Odyssey and was the island home of Odysseus. It is also a real island in Greece. The Kathara Monastery is located in Ithaca.
ACOTAR role: Itica is one of three temples where the feet of the Cauldron were hidden.

MONTESERE

Montserrat is a mountain range near Barcelona.
ACOTAR role: Montesere is a fae territory located in the Continent's NW and is considered generally wealthy. They allied with the loyalists in the War.

RAVENNIA

Ravenna is located in Northern Italy and was the capital of the Western Roman Empire.
ACOTAR role: Ravenna is a fae territory on the Continent and allied with the Loyalists during the War.

DUNMERE

Dunmere is a hamlet in Cornwall, England.
ACOTAR role: Dunmere is a town located within the Night Court, between Velaris and the sea.

NEVA

The Neva is the fourth-largest river in Europe and is located in northwestern Russia.
ACOTAR role: Neva is one of the largest human cities on the Continent and is where the Archeron sisters' father travels to trade.

SCYTHIA

The Scythians were an ancient Eastern Iranic equestrian nomadic people who migrated from Central Asia to the steppes of modern-day Ukraine and Southern Russia.
ACOTAR role: Scythia is one of the territories of the human lands on the Continent, ruled by Queen Vassa. They are said to be a horse loving people.

ROSEHALL

Rosehall is the name of a remote hamlet in the Scottish Highlands.
Fun fact: The 2nd Duke of Westminster acquired the Rosehall estate and his mistress at the time, Coco Chanel, redecorated the interior to her own liking. Winston Churchill, a close friend of the Duke, also visited the estate.
ACOTAR role: Rosehall is mentioned in ACOFAS and is theorized to be the place where Azriel's mother resides.

AFRICA-PARALLEL LOCATIONS

THE BLACK LAND

Black Land translates from Kemet, a popular ancient name for Egypt, which is derived from the color of the fertile black soil along the cultivated area of the Nile valley.
ACOTAR role: The Black Land is a region of the continent where human slaves were ruled over by a High Fae queen. Miryam and Drakon joined the mortals in the War and freed Miryam's people by crossing the desert and eventually the sea.

THE ERYTHRIAN SEA

The Erythraean Sea, originally an Ancient Greek geographical designation, has been used as a name for the Red Sea which lies between Africa and Asia.
ACOTAR role: Drakon used his magic to split the Erythian Sea.

ASIA-PARALLEL LOCATIONS

XIAN

Xi'an is the the most populous city in Northwest China snd the second most popular tourist destination in China.
ACOTAR role: Xian is a Fae territory on the Continent and allied with the Loyalists during the War. A large majority of the Dawn Court is made of Fae from Xian, including Thesan's mother. Feyre remarks that Amren may have molded her mortal body after their peoples.

BHARAT

Bhārat is one of the two principal official short names for the Republic of India.
ACOTAR role: The Archerons lost their fortune when their father's ships sank on the way to Bharat.

RASK

May refer to Rask, a city in Iran, that serves as both capital of its county and district.
ACOTAR role: Rask is a Fae territory on the Continent and allied with the Loyalists during the War.

ADDITIONAL LOCATIONS

VELARIS

Possibly derived from the Latin vēlo*,* meaning "to veil, cover, wrap" along with "to hide, conceal" and "to clothe in." Could also derive from the Latin vēlum, meaning "to veil, curtain" and also indicates a tarpaulin acting as cover for outdoor spaces.

THE WALL

No singular reference, but the presence of a wall separating one race from another, often humans from mythical beings, is rife throughout history, mythology, and fantasy.
One from each category that has loose ties to ACOTAR: (1) Hadrian's Wall, ie the Roman Wall, a defensive fortification of the Roman province of Britannia. It spanned from coast to coast, cutting across the entire width of Northern England. (2) In Norse mythology, the Master Builder asking for the hand of the goddess Freyja as payment for constructing a wall around Asgard to defend the gods. (3) The English village of Wall in Neil Gaiman's Stardust, named after the wall separating the land of Faerie from the mortal realm, highly guarded and cautioned against for mortals seeking to pass through.

THE MOONSTONE PALACE

Romans linked moonstone to the moon goddess Diana (goddess of wild animals and the hunt) and Ancient Greeks linked it to their lunar deities Artemis, Hecate, and Selene.

SIDRA RIVER

Sidra is a name of Latin origin and means "Goddess of the stars" or "like a star."

RAMIEL

Ramiel is a fallen Watcher, a type of Biblical angel, one of the 20 Watchers that rebelled against God by mating with mortal women, therefore creating the Nephilim (Shadowhunters, anyone?). Ramiel means "God has thundered." Ramiel is sometimes conflated with Remiel, also known as Jeremiel, meaning "God shall have mercy," as is listed as one of the seven Holy Angels. He is the archangel of hope and is responsible for divine visions and guiding the souls of the faithful into Heaven.

POOL OF STARLIGHT

No plausible connection found, though there is a famous pool in Greek mythology—a pool Mnemosyne presided over in Hades, counterpart to the river Lethe. Dead souls would drink from Lethe to wipe their past lives from remembrance when reincarnated. Those who drank from Mnemosyne's pool remembered and halted their transmigration of the soul.

ATHELWOOD

Ethel (also aethel) is an Old English word meaning "noble." Athelwood can mean "noblewood."
ACOTAR role: Athelwood is Morrigan's estate located in the Night Court.

GOLLIAN MOUNTAINS

Göll is one of the named Valkyries from Norse mythology. Her name means "tumult," or "noise, battle."
ACOTAR role: The Gollian Mountains are where the Valkyries were slain during the War.

MYRMIDONS

In Ancient Greek mythology, the Myrmidons were an Ancient Greek tribe. In the Iliad, they are the soldiers commanded by Achilles. Myrmidon has also come to mean "a follower or subordinate of a powerful person, typically one who is unscrupulous or carries out orders unquestioningly."
ACOTAR role: The Myrmidons are a set of mountains serving as the border between the Day Court and the Night Court from which the Illyrians migrated.

CESERA

No direct reference found, but may allude to Caesarea, the name of numerous cities and locations throughout the Roman Empire.
ACOTAR role: Cesera is one of three temples where the feet of the Cauldron were hidden.

SANGRAVAH

No direct reference found (and I lost my mind searching for one). Closest I came to was the similarly sounding Angharad, a feminine Welsh name, long associated with Welsh royalty, history, and myth, including Arthurian legend.
ACOTAR role: Sangravah is one of three temples where the feet of the Cauldron were hidden.

GREENFIELD VILLAGE

No direct connection found, though Greenfield is the name of several villages of England.
ACOTAR role: Greenfield village is a neighboring village to where Feyre grew up and where Isaac Hale's wife is from.

WINDHAVEN CAMP

No connection found, though a separate Windhaven also appears in Tower of Dawn in the TOG series. Altun—Windhaven being the rough translation—is located in a three-peaked mountain range and is the home of Sartaq's hearth-mother and family.
Fun fact: Windhaven is the name of a science-fiction novel by George R. R. Martin and Lisa Tuttle following a group of humans who crash-landed on a foreign planet and learned to craft their own wings out of the spaceship wreckage.

THE WOLF'S DEN

No connection found, BUT fun fact: there is a named Wolf's Den castle in George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series (aka Game of Thrones) that now serves as a prison. "All the days were much the same inside the Wolf's Den, and any change was usually for the worse." A Dance with Dragons, Ch 29
ACOTAR role: The Wolf's Den is the name of the worst tavern in Velaris that Nesta is known to frequent.

SILVERSPRING CREEK

No plausible connection found, BUT fun fact: "Silver Springs" is a song written by Stevie Nicks, performed by Fleetwood Mac, and is so strongly ACOTAR-coded even my non-loving playlist-to-book self can't deny it. If you want more bread crumbles that SJM is a Stevie Nicks fan, "Rhiannon" and it's lyric origins have potential ties to the Rhiannon of TOG.
You could be my silver springBlue-green colors flashin'I would be your only dreamYour shinin' autumn ocean crashin'
Time cas t a spell on you*, but you won't forget me*I know I could have loved youBut you would not let me
ACOTAR role: Silverspring Creek is a stream running through Feyre's human village, near where she hunted rabbits.

STRYGA'S CASTLE

No direct reference found, but due to Stryga/the Weaver resembling a female demon akin to a vampire in Slavic mythology (see the Monster section above), it is possible Stryga's former home, before she was confined to her cottage, is reminiscent of Bram Stoker's 1897 Dracula and the Transylvanian Castle complete with three vampiric sister brides who entice men with their beauty and charm before proceeding to feed upon them.

The Night Sky

ARKTOS

Arktos, also written Arctus, means "bear" in Ancient Greek. Arktos was a centaur who fought against the Lapith spearmen. The Arktos Megale (aka Ursa Major, the Great Bear) is one of the original 48 constellations listed by Ptolemy who drew on earlier works by Greek, Egyptian, Babylonian, and Assyrian astronomers.
ACOTAR role: Arktos is one of the three regarded holy stars (the furthest left star) of the Illyrians and serves as part of the symbol for the Night Court. The echelon of Arktosian is reserved for Illyrians who survive the Blood Right but fail to reach Ramiel.

CARYNTH

May refer to Corinth, an ancient city that was one of the largest and most important of Greece, or Carinthia, the southernmost Austrian state in the Eastern Alps, noted for its mountains and lakes.
ACOTAR role: Carynth is one of the three regarded holy stars (the middle star) of the Illyrians and serves as part of the symbol for the Night Court. The echelon of Carynthian is reserved for Illyrians who scale the summit of Ramiel during the Blood Rite and are considered elite warriors.

ORISTES

Orestes (also spelled Orestes) means "stands on a mountain" and he is the subject of several Ancient Greek plays and myths concerning his madness and purification.
ACOTAR role: Orestes is one of the three regarded holy stars (the furthest right star) of the Illyrians and serves as part of the symbol for the Night Court. The echelon of Oristian is reserved for Illyrians who make it to the Ramiel during the Blood Rite but don't reach the top.

Locations not listed: A slew of various more minor locations have not been listed, including the Four Market Squares of Velaris, certain cottages and houses, and even the Ironcrest Illyrian war-camp.
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THE CAULDRON

There are many magical cauldrons present in various mythologies, one being the Pair Dadeni in Welsh mythology, a magical cauldron able to resurrect the dead, and the coire ansic of Irish mythology, the cauldron of the chief god of the Tuatha Dé Danann, which never ran empty.

TRUTH-TELLER

Possibly inspired by Fragarach, an Irish mythological sword known as "The Whisperer" or "The Answerer." It was the sword of Nuada, the first high king; it was said that no one could tell a lie with Fragarach at their throat and that the sword inflicting wounds from which no one could recover.

THE HARP

May refer to the uaithne, the magical harp of the Dagda, the chief god of the Tuatha Dé Danann in Irish mythology. It could control men's emotions and change the seasons.

THE MASK

In Egyptian culture, death masks were designed to guide the spirits of those mummified into the next world.

THE UNKNOWN 4th TROVE ITEM

Seen in a vision by Nesta via Lathys, which we now know to be the Horn, and may refer to the Gjallarhorn of Norse mythology, the sound of which is said to herald the beginning of Ragnarok.

ATARAXIA

Ataraxia, in Ancient Greek philosophy, was a state of calmness untroubled by mental or emotional disquiet, ie tranquility of the mind. It was considered the ideal mental state for soldiers entering battle.
ACOTAR Role: Nesta's Made sword.

GWYDION

Gwydion is a name meaning "born of the trees" and is the given name of Gwydion fab Dôn, a magician, hero, and trickster of Welsh mythology. Caer Wydion, the castle of Gwydion, was the traditional Welsh name for the Milky Way.
ACOTAR role: The Starsword and twin to Truth-Teller.

NARBEN

No direct reference found, though narben in German means "scar."
ACOTAR role: Narben is a lost sword from the Dread Trove.

OUROBOROS MIRROR

The ouroboros is an ancient symbol of a serpent or a dragon eating its own tale, first present in ancient Egyptian iconography and the Greek magical tradition, the term itself deriving from Ancient Greek. It has been used frequently and extensively throughout fantasy literature. It often symbolizes the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

BOOK OF BREATHINGS

The Books of Breathing are a set of ancient Egyptian funerary texts that are intended to enable those deceased to continue their existence in the afterlife. It is a simplified form of the Book of the Dead.

VERITAS ORB

Veritas is of Latin origin meaning "truth." It is the name for the Roman virtue of truthfulness and in Roman mythology, Veritas is the Goddess of Truth. Universities and colleges such as Harvard use the term veritas as their motto.

SYMPHONIA

Symphonia is Greek in origin and was used to denote a variety of musical instruments.

AMARANTHA'S NECKLACE AND RING (JURIAN'S FINGER AND EYE)

Jurian's finger bone and eye, kept by Amarantha, are reminiscent of relics and reliquaries, often religious in nature. Relics typically consist of the physical remains or personal affects of a saint and the reliquary is the container that holds them.

FAEBANE

Possibly inspired by wolfsbane (aka aconite or monkshood), a poisonous flower ancient Greeks would poison arrows and bait with to hunt wolves. It is lethal and often fatal and is an oft-used plant and poison within the fantasy genre.
Fun fact: In Shakespeare's Hamlet, Hamlet himself was killed with an aconite-laced blade.

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DAEMATI

Potentially a combination of the Greek word dae (to give) and the concept of mati, labeled as "the evil eye" in Greek classical antiquity. Daemati may effectively mean "to give the evil eye."

THE WEAVER'S SONG

The Weaver's song, sung when Feyre was stealing Rhysand's ring from her cottage, is similar to "The Twa Sisters," a traditional murder ballad dating back to mid 17th century England. It tells of two sisters who travel down to a body of water where the older one pushes the younger one in. A harp or a fiddle is then made out of the murdered sister's body, which plays itself and sings about her murder.

So, English is not my first language even though I had studied it for years now, so, any grammatical error, please be excused. I also want to point out a few things up, this story is LONG, as it says on the title, we’ve been together for almost a decade, so there’s a lot of things to patch up, also, I’m not trying to paint him as the bad guy nor myself as the good guy, just trying to let it all out because there’s some details I cannot say to everyone I know, so it’s better for me to just talk about it with internet strangers, also, I don’t know if this place has a limit of characters, so if it has, it’s going to be some parts long.
So, to start this, I (27 F), broke things with my bf (26 M) Alan (Not his real name) after we’ve been together for little less than a decade because I was just so fed up with everything we lived together, not having the strength to even try and give this another go as he wanted us to. A year before meeting him on my last school year I was s*xually Ass*ulted by a man that I met on a park where I used to go dancing, not only that, but he made me believe that I was okay with what happened (I was sixteen and he was 21, here the age of consent is not until the 18th mark), he made me believed that I liked it, and made me believe that no one would ever believe me if I ever decided to report it, so I didn’t, but obviously it got me a pretty bad scar.
I met Alan one year later, his friend group was friends with my friend group, so in school we kinda merged together and he was a good guy, a great guy even, he always had something nice to say about me and he never blamed me for being scared of a group of people so anytime I wanted to buy something on the school market, he did it for me until he tried to make me come across my fear and was just behind me as I was approaching the big group gather on the market trying to make me feel confident enough to buy things by myself, after that we became closer and closer until one day I went with my friend group to recess with his friend group, but he wasn’t there, I asked one of his friends and he told me that he wasn’t feeling right and was still on the classroom, so off I went and looked up for him, we talked for a while and then he thank me for listening to him and not bug him with the “guys don’t cry”, that made us even more close to eachother and we started something, not a relationship, but a situationship from mid July to late November, when I graduated from school (He had one more year to go), on my celebration date, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes, I made him meet my family shortly after and I met his.
He was a part-time gamer, and the first straw was that he believed that I would made him choose between his games or me, but no, I didn’t, even so, I asked him to teach me how to play so we could play together, I was not good, at all, but I was just glad to be on his hobbies, little did I know that would be one of the reasons I broke things off. We had fights and arguments because he was a competitive type of guy on this online games and, because I was bad at them, we usually lost games because of me, it took us a lot of work to find a solution, he had to put down some bars, because it was not healthy, also the first “or else” that he made me aware of, was when I told him that I needed him to express his emotions to me, but he took it as “Show emotions or I’m leaving you” which wasn’t the case, but worked up just fine.
Some years passed and… You remember what I told you about the year before meeting Alan? Well, we couldn’t get intimate in that way and I had to sit him and explained what happened, he was supportive and we didn’t do it after our four year mark, but again, he wasn’t as supportive as I recall, he usually push over it and only stopped moments before I got a flashback of what happened. But that one time that we did it, I remember it well, I started crying out of emotion because I finally overcame my fear, but after we finished, he stood up, we cleaned ourselves and he made me get ready because he didn’t want to be late to a friend’s birthday. Speaking of intimacy, he had a really big drive and I didn’t, but every time I tried to say “no”, he got all frustrated so I started initiating moments after I saw him like that so I could brush that feeling off of him, our intimacy was like that until just months before our breakup.
Now into another thing, I have always work, even when I was still at school, I’ve always worked to get my things, I’m not good at saving money, but I work my butt off, so when he started to gain interest on a particular expensive game, we usually used his mother credit card and the one paying it was me, he said that when he worked he bought things for us, but… This is the thing about it… He only worked 5-6 months in all of our relationship, sure, he went with his father some times to do some work, but he didn’t even saw that money because it went directly to a gaming console for himself, so in years that we’ve been together, he worked 5-6 months and the rest was payed from myself and he still took his time working as a sort of argument against me.
Now, one time, when I was on the university, a random classmate just suddenly kissed me and I was in shock, so in shock that I didn’t kissed him back, nor could I stop him, but when he went for a second one, I backed out and I went to my boyfriend crying because I thought I was cheating on him because someone kissed me and I explained every detail to him, but the guy dropped off from college, so I never saw him again and then, another day, I was in the subway and encounter my ex boyfriend while he was, actually, coming back home after his own studies, I ignored him for the most part, but he actually asked politely to let him talk to me, so we went to a public park and he actually just wanted to say sorry because he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend while he was with me, we didn’t do anything besides me listening to him and giving him the closure he was searching for, we did not stay in contact, I just said to him that it was not something that I keep on mind to this day, but if it made him feel better, I would accept his apology and then we parted ways, everything I did and said I made my boyfriend aware of and he was such in a panic that one of his friends actually went to his house and they talked shit about me because I dared to let my ex ask for my forgiveness. Those are the only two time that I recall I made him feel insecure, two times and that’s it and he wasn’t letting any of those things go any time we got into an argument.
I remember one time we actually parted ways for some days and I kissed a girl, a girl that I have liked for a very long time and only then I figured that she actually liked me back, but I was stupid enough to not go for her, and wait for this guy for us to get back together and I actually told him everything, I know I shouldn’t do it, because it would only made him feel like on the edge, but by that time I felt like it was better to come clean about everything, he knew everything about me, it was only fair that I keep it like that. But then he got jealous everything I said I was talking to her in a friendly way (he never was banned from looking into my phone) and now I understand that his jealousy was not that unfounded, because I kissed this girl while we were separated.
There was numerous times when I wanted to break things with him, but he always managed to made me come back to him, one time we were walking on the sidewalk and I told him how I felt and that I was thinking about breaking up, he got on the ground, took a piece of glass and tried to h*rm himself, but I stopped him and we never talked about it again. Another time I was home, not at work because I was injured and we had a phone fight, not breaking up, but making it subtle, then a couple hours after that I received another phone call from an Unknown number, telling me that he almost threw himself on the subway and, Injured as I was, I went to get him and Uber us to his home.
I had to make two limits for him, I didn’t want him to call me before checking if it was possible for me to talk on the phone, unless it was an emergency, of course. And that I didn’t want him to go to my home unannounced, because he did it too much and he did not respect those boundaries until there was yet another conversation about breaking up and just then, he stopped doing it. He also lied to me one time when he went to the bus stop at freaking 7 am with the excuse of “I just wanted to get some air” and the proceeded to talk to me all the way about his problems and follow me to my workplace, and then he had the audacity to get mad when I told him I couldn’t stay longer because I had to get to work, just when we finally broke off he came clean that he was, obviously, trying to get a hold of me and not “Trying to get some air” as he tried to make me believe. I even started to go to my destinations by other means because I was afraid I would encounter him in every corner that I usually go to.
One of my college friends started a relationship with one of his friends and now that we broke things off, neither of them talk to me, so I am not sure what sort of fairytale he told them in which, he obviously was not in the wrong at all.
I am not asking if I was the AH here, nor asking if I should talk to him again, I am pretty confident That I shouldn’t, I just wanted to vent, thanks for anyone who would read this loooooong story. Cheers.

So this is something I have thought for a while, and began building a hypothesis for it roughly three years ago. To summarize for those not interested in the details I believe the reasoning the tree of knowledge, and its counter parts within other religions were off limits to humans other than it is knowledge unwanted/unneeded; is that it was a trinity. The three parts that would make this up are religion,philosophy, and science. To clarify and specify I will give differing examples as to why I came to this conclusion.
The first thing that made me think of this was the interchangeable aspects, as well as the balancing of these three. Religious beliefs are what filled the ancient times, and allowed for the first steps of science to flourish. A good example is Egyptian building techniques they had were given to them by the God thoth. Due to its sacred attachments it was able to survive as a form of study scientist use to this day. Now turning towards the interconnectedness of philosophy with religion an example can be; in one of the earliest religious sites is dedicated to that of skulls and the nature of death. The religion itself doesn't have much knowledge other than the age old testament of why we die, but its still a profound question we ask ourselves to this day. You can take this same method of interconnectedness in reversal with the other two forms of knowledge being compared to the others. Now the contrasting factors are just as interesting. Such as the inability for a comprehensive understanding of miracles through the scientific lense. There are examples of this "mockery," being there as a core part of our being in all three forms of study as well. With that we will start with the examples within science.
We must first discuss the beginning of our existence as science describes, in an instantaneous expansion/expulsion of energy we gained space, time, and matter as a result. Now in order for any researcher to make a proper conclusion and or factual statement they must be able apply these three elements to their work. They must use a means of recording the information aka time. They must provide a place in which this experiment occured aka space finally; they must use the effects of physical objects, actions, and or numerical data to provide evidence. There are also examples of its interconnectedness to the other two despite oppositional standings. One such example is that; rituals such as bloodletting, ripping of hearts out, mummification, and potion making allowed for the transcendence of medicine, anatomy, and many more medical practices. Another example, but for philosophy is; when we used philosophy as a means to question the commonly believed scientific practices of multiple eras including the present. This allows/ed for the progression of ethics within the medical field, as well as create fields such as psychology. In essence science is the raw form of "mind," within our trinity; the physical representation of what can not be deciphered by the other two methods.
The next of the three we will delve into is that of philosophy. Philosophy has its connections within the other two methods of knowledge in a multitude if not the most ways out of the three. The following examples are just a few that I have chosen. One great example not yet discussed is; science, and its impact upon the understanding of the cosmos has made the philosophical question of "are we alone," and "what's my significance within it all." Another example but that of religious connectivity is the rise and fall of religions themselves. The best example is the change of pantheism into monotheism, the idea that; if there is a being of higher status, power, wisdom, intelligence etc. than others of its kind are the others truly within the same class or even the same kind of being. Philosophy in itself has trinities within their study as the other two do. One example is the Greek philosopher Pythagoras believed that the number 3 was the most significant number as it was that of perfection and represented harmony wisdom and understanding. In its representations philosophy can be Interpreted as the embodiment of " heart, " within the trinity; as it is what bridges the two methods with greatest disparity, and makes one think insightful as well as outwardly speak beyond the confines of scientific, and spiritual traditions.
The third representation of this " mocked ," trinity we have carved into the very code of our being is religion. Despite the contradictions religious, and scientific consensus there is over arching connections that can not be denied. One such example of their intertwining relationship is that of cosmic and mathematical studies. As mentioned before the Egyptians believed they gained their ability to use math from the God thoth, bit the belief isn't sufficient evidence for their true connection through math, and astrology. The mapping of celestial bodies were due to their relations with yhe divine such as their place of origin, the heavens, or even the physical embodiment of the gods themselves such of the planetary system and its connection with the Roman pantheon. Religion is also responsible for humanities and consequently sciences grasp of time and the recording of it. A great example is that ancient people would base their rituals around the natural rhythm of differing seasons, spacial phenomeno, and that of recording important cultural events. The impact of religion onto science is deep just as the other way around but their bridging partner philosophy; has very intimate connections as well. Though tons of examples are present for the twos intertwined relations a few examples are; that along of philosophers would use their religious beliefs to help shape, and nurture their philosophical ideals. It was also religion that began our want and urge to began asking ourselves what our origins are, what is our purpose as a species etc. Religion and its position within this " mockery ," could be best described as the soul of our markings. Though it is the most criticized part of knowledge for its lack of " evidence ," just like that of souls themselves. It still holds reverence and importance as without it we as humanity would've never asked ourselves those first important questions of internal insight as well as; did those physical rituals allowing for the progression into the many sciences' we have today.Throughout this I have quoted, and maintained this finding as a " mockery ," and there are many contradictions within the studies of the three themselves; this I will explain the reasoning behind in the following paragraph.
The term mockery as I use it; is the expression not of negative means such as we intend to offend anything such as a creator or ourselves as a species. In this sense the term is applied due to the very contradictions and disparities between the three. The three following tend to have arguments and disagreements within the studies; typically this discrepancy is the action cause by the want for truth. There are also fundamental contradictions as well such as; the process in which one conducts their actions in life, and the way in which one may perceive or be influenced within their daily ongoings. However; at the core without each of these three being accessible to humanity there would've been no virtual, or actual progression within our species. The reasoning it is a mockery rather than a true trinity is through the very definition of opposition the three have. A true trinity would be that of perfect balance however; due to all the differing factors said prior and the elements not seamlessly falling into one another there is an imbalance one that can sway what a humans progression through life may be.
In conclusion it's this authors opinion that we have a trinity one that is a mere mockery of what the truth we all are ferociously debating amongst ourselves is. until we are able to come to that one universal consensus we will be plagued with this mark of knowledge and its endless sea of questions.

His ex sent me this message. Sorry it’s so long! Has anybody else gotten a similar message in the past? How did you react?
Message below: “It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”
TLDR: my SO’s ex messaged me saying he’s been seeing both of us for the past year and a half. Has anybody experienced this before. She sent me pictures from the past year of them and their text exchanges

His ex sent me this message, should I believe it? I don’t know what to do. Sorry the message is really long!
“It’s been over a year of me wondering whether I should just come out and ask you or message you… but being afraid that if I do, and I’m wrong, it’ll be a the biggest mistake of my life. I have begged and begged him to tell me what you are to him, and he denies having anything more than a platonic friendship with you.
I want to preface this message with, I have no ill will towards you, I just want some answers… answers I don’t believe I’m going to get from Jared. I don’t know if he’s mentioned anything about me. So here goes…
November 2022, I sent Jared an email, telling him I loved him, missed him, and though I didn’t require a response back, I wanted him to know how sorry I was for everything that had happened and things had ended. He responded with a lengthy email telling me he still fervently loved me and how he too was sorry for how things had ended. That email lead to the last year and a half of events.
December 2022, I drove down to Roanoke and surprised him at the Carilion garage. He left the hospital as fast as he could that night, and we spent the rest of that evening together, catching up, and he left for Key West two days later. Two weeks later, he came up to DC and we had a late birthday celebration for him at Clyde’s in Georgetown and went to see A Christmas Carol at the Ford Theater. A few weeks later we drove to Jersey to see Matchbox20, by now it was the end of January 2023. Almost every week off, for the last year, he would come up and see me, if even for only two days, or I would drive down to Roanoke and spend the week with him. We spoke about our past, the hurt, and future, he told me numerous times that when he pictured marriage and children, it was only with me, but he needed time. This part is important, and I’ll come back to it later. We celebrated my birthday at a restaurant in Navy Yard, two weeks before you guys left for London. Chris video chatted with that night while we were at the restaurant eating Wagyu, and they discussed the new shipment of sunglasses Chris had gotten for Miggieswear.
The weekend of the Super Bowl, he had come seen me earlier that week, the day after he left I came to Roanoke and left the day of the Super Bowl. He told me his parents were having a viewing party and he had to go home and cook. I’m now assuming he left my Airbnb and came to your place.
That February he planned a trip to London, with Nicole, Ryan and Chris, and what he told me were, Nicole’s “friends.” Nicole happened to post a picture of you guys sitting on the plane and I was shocked, why would Nicole’s friend be sitting between him and Ryan. I sent him a message while you were on that 6 hour flight, telling him that if he had been seeing somebody, then why didn’t he tell me? There was no point in us spending time together if he had moved on. His response to me was “do you even know what you’re looking at? I’m surprised you don’t recognize her, that’s Nicole’s friend. You’re jumping to a lot of conclusions right now and don’t know what you’re talking about.” Something in my gut didn’t believe it but I wanted to trust that, so I did. I put you out of sight, out of mind. When he got back, he told me how he wished I’d been there with him, we both love history and old buildings, it’s a place we would have found magical together. I don’t know who came up with the idea of going to London, but part of me always thinks I’m the one who put it there when I shared the pictures i had taken when I went there the year we had been no contact.
We went to a Kenny Chesney concert in Charlottesville that March when I got back from my family trip to India, and he got back from London. Between work, us both traveling with our families, we were excited to see one another. We were going to go to St Augustine, but because of the weather, we stayed in Roanoke and saw Kenny Chesney in Charlottesville. The original plan had been to spend the night in Charlottesville at a hotel, but we couldn’t get one last minute so we ended up driving back to Roanoke and sneaking into the basement at his parents house and sleeping in his bed at 3am.
A few months later, we went to Richmond, and stayed the weekend, exploring the city, and watched Hamilton at the Altria Theater. A few months after that, we went to Savannah and Atlanta, where he got a flat tire driving into the garage, and spent the rest of the weekend at a yoga retreat. July, he asked me to go to Boston with him and his brother, for 4th or July weekend, but I couldn’t because my siblings were in town. Every single week, he came down and either stayed with me, or made a quick trip to spend time with me…
This past September, I found out he took you to Justin’s wedding, and I broke. I needed more from him. I have known him, been intimate with him, shared my every fear, worry, I have brought him home cooked meals from DC and surprised him at work with dinner, I’ve made him care packages. I’ve made Ryan Easter baskets and sent him birthday presents and encouraged Jared to put him in academic classes, I’ve helped Jared look into private schools for Ryan, and weighed the pros and cons of the options. I had no expectations in return from him other than, at the very least, a mutual respect and HONESTY.
I’ve seen him quite a few times since September and I last saw him in Roanoke at the beginning of March 2024. We sat in front of each other, in his car before he went into work that Monday night, and he told me, again, that when he thinks of marriage and a future, I’m the only one he pictures a marriage and children with. I’m not saying this to hurt you, or to make a point, I’m saying it because i don’t know what to believe anymore.
I became suspicious of his relationship with you, when he mentioned going to Macchu Picchu and hiking through the mountains. As all women have the ability to find out details they might later regret, I did the same thing. Except I didn’t believe he had actually gone to Macchu Picchu. I knew his passport had been long expired since around or before COVID, and I knew he had renewed it before he went to London. But that was when I realized you were the girl in the photo that Nicole posted. When I confronted him about Macchu Picchu, he told me he had been joking and he had also already told me he’d been joking. He had NEVER told me it was a joke, he had actually refused to show me photos when I asked him for pictures from the trip… he had then proceeded to change the topic, which is what had even raised red flags in my head.
My point is, I have asked him point blank so many times whether you two have a relationship. You tell me you still love me, that you picture marriage and a family with me, but this girl is a part of your life, and you took her to a wedding with you, while I was on a trip with my siblings, you took her to London with you, and you continue to tell me she’s just a friend. I asked him again on Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning after he left work, if you two are dating, and he said no. He asked me why I’m so hyper-fixated on somebody who’s just a friend when he has a million other female friends.
In September, he told me he needed a month to clear his head, that he wanted to commit to me, but he was afraid and that he needed to get over the fear and roadblock of our past break up. I gave him grace and understood. So we took a 4 week break. Some time during that time period, he sent me a snap of doves, and said “doves, and swans mate for life.” He sent me Ed Sheeran songs telling me he wants to find his way back to me. “No Strings Attached… you are the one I love”
In November, he messaged me and told me he had a surprise for me and to look for something in the mail. He loves the Count of Monte Carlo, it’s one of his favorite movies, and he told me it was in reference to that. A few weeks later I got a candle, a silver 400 dollar Buddha candle from Thomson Ferrier. I didn’t understand the reference to the Count of Monte Carlo, but it was a beautiful gesture and present… especially because he knew how much little gestures from him mean to me.
Fast forward to January, I got another 350 dollar black skull candle from him, from Thomson Ferrier. At this point I was upset, angry and livid. I called my sister in tears that evening. I had come back to him because he told me he loved me, that he “has a fire that burns so deeply” when he thinks of me. If i had known that wasn’t true, i would have closed the chapter a year and a half ago. I don’t want $700 worth of gifts and candles, I want more. I want marriage, I want children, I want our lives to move forward, I want communication. Out of anger, I packed up the candle, his sweatshirts and clothes that he had left at my place this past year, and mailed them back to his house. I’m sure it’s sitting somewhere in his basement closet/ bedroom… along with his white Huq sweatshirt, a picture of us I had up in my house, and various articles of clothing.
What upsets me is that he didn’t just involve me this year, he involved my family. He sent my mom presents, my parents in return sent him gifts. My sister, parents and cousins messaged him asking him to come around more. There was no point in involving my family, if he was going to involve himself with you. There was no point in involving himself with me, if he was going to involve himself with you. Those leather Indian shoes sitting in his room, my dad bought those for him. That blue sweater, those green pants and that maroon shirt, my parents bought those for him just this last year.
I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I will say this. I was your age when we started dating. I was 29 years old. He was single, that’s what everyone in our residency program thought. He would tell everyone how Shari left him one day, all of a sudden just got up and left. “I saw the look behind her eyes just change when she looked at me.” He would tell everyone his horrific dating stories. When i started dating him, there was no doubt in my mind he was single… but I was wrong. He wasn’t single, he was dating Devon, one of the nurses from Carilion, and he had been for the past 4 years prior to that. At one point when he moved to Norfolk, she had even moved in with him. Even Shari was visiting him in Norfolk during this time period. I would have never suspected it, nobody in our residency program did. It wasn’t until one day, when he told me his friends were visiting from home, and they were all going to a concert together, that I found out. Her profile picture was of the two of them together, and her Facebook relationship status said “in a relationship.” Out of my own naivety, i believed him when he told me she was crazy and obsessed with him. He told me, to him, they were just friends but she wanted more. Women do a lot of things, but no woman is dumb enough to think she’s your girlfriend when she’s not. When we moved back to our hometowns, Devon was there waiting for him. He disappeared one day for 24 hours, told me that he was helping his dad’s friend who was stranded in NC. A year and a half later, i would find out that was a lie and that he had been at a concert Florida Georgia Line concert with her. She had been visiting his grandmother with him, staying at his parents home. The irony is that a few weeks after he took her, he took me to the same concert in Scranton. Him and his family didn’t bat an eye when a month later, I showed up and was the “new girlfriend.”
Eventually Devon found out about his lies and left him, but again, stupid me thought she was a crazy girl who just wanted so badly to be with him, that she built their relationship up in her head.
Dignity, respect for humans, empathy, are the most important qualities in a human being.
What I don’t wish is for you to be in my spot in 5 years. He will paint you in his colors, make you fall in love with MB20, and take you to Augustana concerts, he’ll tell you that you understand him, and his heart in a way that nobody else does. He’ll bond with you over music, and send you songs that make you feel he’s talking about you. He is so good at making you feel seen, and involving you with his family. He’ll say he had a vision of a girl that looks like you, coming into his life, and here you are, his soul mate. And one day, the same way that Shari, Devon and I got lost in him, the reality of everything will come pouring down on you. Be careful, there are signs between the lines, and the smiles, and good times. Make sure you don’t miss those, whatever you decide.
My relationship with him, started off just like yours. Another girl on the periphery, and teetering the line of inappropriate. Everything you call him out on, will always have an excuse, and you will believe him because he’s the “good guy” who goes above and beyond for people.
I don’t wish for any woman to go through the pain I’ve gone through, the manipulation, the lies and the emotional abuse. I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say, be careful and don’t be blind to the small things that will one day become huge. The novelty will fade, and though Jared isn’t the devil, he has a lot of growing up to do at 40. It was not okay to toy with me and drag me through the mud this year. It wasn’t okay to minimize his relationship with you and lie to me about it. It’s not okay to, to this day claim to see a life with me and not commit to it. I deserve better, and you deserve better.
How men talk about their ex’s and other women is an indication about how they will one day talk about and treat you. That is the worst and best lesson i have learned. I’m 34, years of my life wasted, and he took another year of my life knowing full well, this is how it would end. He’s sat on the phone with me for hours talking about how stupid PA’s are and if you were going to not be a doctor, at least become an NP, who has better bedside knowledge. Why would he say that, because i suppose you’re a PA and it minimizes the significance of even having a relationship with somebody who isn’t as intelligent as he is. The lack of respect will always be there, you just have to look for it.
Dishonesty, and manipulation are a plague, and if that’s who you are at 40, it is who you will always be unless you recognize that something needs to change. Where there is no accountability, there can be no change. I’m not the exception, I’m the same as the two girls before me. He’ll show you text messages where he never responded to me, even though he replies on Snapchat where every thing is erased. I cannot believe i didn’t see the signs. He will make me look crazy and laugh at me, the same way he showed me messages from Jen, and Elisabeth, and Devon, and made them sound crazy to me. I guess that’s his MO. The same way he told me you were nothing to him.
I was going to send you this message, two months ago… i then decided not to because he convinced me he wasn’t dating you… I saw him less than a month ago in Roanoke, i begged him to tell me that he was in a relationship with you. He said he wasn’t, again, he told me he was going to a wedding alone with only Ryan and that he wasn’t taking you. I then begged him to tell me that we were done and that he didn’t love me anymore. His response was idk what’s going to happen a year from now, i know I’ll see you again. His response every time has been when im ready for a relationship, emotionally, do you want me to finally let you know? I don’t care to be with him anymore. I’m so over it but i really think you should know the type of person you’re dealing with.
He has put me through so much hell for a year and a half of my life, stringing me along acting like he’s doing me a favor while he works on his own mental health and claims to still love me when we are together.”

Hi everyone! I know the title is very insensitive but please her me out I 13f have a best friend Mia (fake names OFC ) 13f too we have been friends since primary school but have properly become best friends in early first year a couple months ago in January Mia told me she wouldn’t be in that Tuesday over text which I hoped for her to get better and as she said she wasn’t in but after that Mia was not in for numerous days and I was growing concerned as her texts were vague and I was growing quite lonely because I don’t have a lot of friends and the ones I do have I have barely any classes I have one class with one friend a day basically we are separated into three base classes and my whole friend group is in each (two pairs in each base class I was with mia) after Mia comes in after 2-3 weeks I’m not sure but she started to cry when she came in and didn’t go to any of her classes and begged me to stay with her which I agreed to this happened a couple more times over the course of that week and she then later started to make me walk up to the teacher In front of my whole class and make me ask for her to go home bc she said she was too scared on the second time I told her I don’t want to do this and it makes me uncomfortable and to ask herself as she is the one who is sick she started pushing me towards the door saying thank you like I agreed even though I did not I again asked for. That since then I’ve sat by myself and I am always left out in my friend group because the rest of them all have their pairs to link up with since it’s 2 in each base class. I remember back in like march 3 months of her gone btw I was upset because I had to initiate all conversations and she would only ask me for school work or things she wanted off of me or the conversation would be so one sided I was so upset that I stopped initiating to see when she would text im aware that was very childish. She didn’t text me for a whole MONTH she was also not in school at this time I was really upset with her because she would make me all these gals promises she was coming in and never actually would and it killed me when I thought oh she’s late or oh she’s probably coming in at break and. She would give me no explanation when I got back home I told her what I was feeling. She apologised saying she’s dealing with her mental health and feels like a crappy friend I forgave her and tried to spark up more lively conversations but she said she wanted to go play Games with her sister I was a bit bummed but figured we would text back later . I just wan to you guys to know that no one at school is bullying her or teachers aren’t picking on her and she has a really lovely supportive family who is helping her she told me she wem to aquariums and dino exhibits with her family I can’t assure you a 100 percent it’s not them she just said school makes her nervous. She never really texted me after that and when I try talking to her she would just give me such dry responses or not answer but read it I left her alone. It’s been 5 months I haven’t made a single friend and I sit by myself for most of my classes or with people that I know rather be with someone else occasionally she would come in for break never for classes and talk to me like everything is fine like old times and that I should be grateful for her coming int his was meant to be a joke. I did not find it funny . Recently it was one of the people in my friend groups birthday and we went to a local park Mia had heard on our group chat about it and decided to show up that was 3 days ago she only really talked to me I was distant at first but was really happy that we were reconnecting she told me for again for sure she was coming in that Monday and I was again so excited because she was so sure. On Saturday I asked her if she was still coming she said yeah I think so I was again happy. I tired asking her more question unrelated but she read my message answered one of my questions and ignored the rest. She didn’t show up to class today I was so excited when the door opened and told people not to take the chair beside me because she was coming. She never did she came in at little break trying to chat me up like usual she implied to me she would stay for the next class she did not she left. I was so sad the whole day but I shouldn’t have got my hopes up for someone who was realistically WASNT going to arrive. Everyone around me gives me grief saying that I need to be patient even her MOM asked me. But I wait five whole freaking months filled with empty promises I seriously don’t think I can go another year of Highschool having no friends and this empty feeling loneliness for someone I feel only likes to chat me up when it’s convenient anyway I’m asking you Reddit. Thanks for listening and if this ends up on my favourite Reddit story time channel I want to say hi!

The update: I flew home to talk in person because she wouldn’t really talk about it over the phone.
She picked me up from the airport but wouldn’t talk on the way to the house because our 16yo was in the car. When we got to the house, she said it was too late to talk. We went to sleep.
The next day was her birthday. She spent the day out with her friends. I took my daughter to pick out some flowers and a card for her mother. I hung out with the kids all day. We went out for lunch, watched some movies together, and I cooked dinner.
Over dinner, we talked about the situation and what their understanding and expectations were. They were under the impression that nothing was decided yet and the desire for a separation was mutual. I told them the truth. I have no desire to separate from their mother and had no idea she felt that way until she dropped the news on me. I did not ask them what they thought about it, but they both said they felt that it was unfair for her to do this without at least trying to work it out. My daughter told me that my wife has been “talking about the past and things she wanted to do before she became a mom a lot.” She also mentioned that my wife’s ex-stepmother was on the phone while my wife was texting me about separating. For some reason, it hurts more to know she was coached during those moments, although I suspected that was probably the case. It’s such an intimate emotional moment and it wasn’t even worth it for her to come up with her own thoughts while effectively ending a nearly 2 decade relationship.
The kids also didn’t know that they wouldn’t be living in the house anymore. There’s less than a month until the closing, and even less time until the movers come. I let them know they are always welcome to stay with me for any timeframe they choose. My heart still aches for them. I just want to keep us all together so badly, but their mom won’t even hear me out.
When the wife came home she showered, then sat down on the couch with us and sat on her phone while the rest of us were watching a movie. My daughter went to her room unprompted so her mother and I could talk. I got no new answers about the reasoning behind the separation. I asked what the end goal is. She said she doesn’t really know, and doesn’t want me to have false hope. We talked about what her plans are for her living arrangement, etc. She doesn’t have a place lined up. She seems to think it’s going to be easy for her to find a house she can rent that will accommodate her, our kids, and our 3 dogs. I am definitely not so sure about that. She mentioned joining the military because she was considering it before she met me. We agreed that the kids are old enough to choose where they live, and started talking about how we would divide up our belongings.
The next day, she started taking decor off the walls to start preparing for the movers. It was the first thing my daughter mentioned when she woke up. She asked why all the stuff had been taken down. I told her we have to start preparing for the move. She started to cry. I was gutted.
My wife drove me back to the airport. When we arrived, she got out of the car and came around to my side. She gave me a long, lingering hug and began to cry. When I started to walk away, she told me she loves me. It left me struggling to choke back tears as I walked through the airport and sat at the gate.
When my flight landed, I had a long text from her saying how sorry she was for the pain she’s caused, but she needs some time alone to “heal her heart.” She thanked me for being an excellent provider for our family and told me she believes I’m a good person.
The whole thing has been a rollercoaster for me. One minute I can’t see a future for myself, the next I’m angry about how she chose to do this. I’ll start to feel normal briefly, then start all over again. I’m confused about what her actual thoughts are. She says one thing, but then does something to make me think there could be some regrets. But would I want to stay together now after something like this?
Original post: After nearly 18 years of marriage, my wife told me we should separate and now won’t talk to me.
We got married and had kids in our early 20s. Throughout our marriage, I’ve had jobs that require quite a bit of travel. I was not unaware of the difficulties that come with that arrangement. It was something we talked about often. I hated the travel. My wife knew I hated the travel. I went back to school while working full time to change careers into something else that would allow me to be home every night and still give us stability.
The whole career change from the initial idea to actually landing a job took longer than I’d hoped, but I eventually made it. The problem was that the new job was halfway across the country, but at least in an area close to my family. I struggled with deciding what to do. My wife and I discussed it numerous times. I accepted the job. We continued to discuss as the time to actually transition to the new job and location approached.
We decided that the way to do things would be for me to go ahead to the new job while the kids finished the school year in their current school. It would allow me some time to feel out the new job before we moved and give me an opportunity to find a house. The whole time, I’d been telling my wife to say the word if she didn’t want to move and I’d ask for my old job back.
I started the new job a couple months ago. It’s an adjustment for sure, but seems like something I could continue to do at least for a while. We listed our old house. It went under contract in 3 days. My wife and I were sending house listings back and forth. I saw a bunch of them. We narrowed it down to a few for her to come and see in person with me. We decided on one and she seemed excited about it. We started the negotiation process.
On Thursday night, we were down to what seemed like the final counter offer that we were going to accept. We talked over FaceTime about it. I told her one last time that we could still back out if she was uncertain about it. I gave it some more thought and signed the offer.
On Friday, my wife had not signed the counter. She drove to go visit her dad for the weekend, which was something she had planned on doing, so no surprise there. She ignored me and our realtor for the entire weekend. When she got back on Sunday, she texted me saying she wasn’t going to sign. I asked what the plan was.
That’s when she said she thinks we should “talk about separating.” I asked why, but only for things like “we’re just not right for each other,” “I need to work on myself,” “we got married too young.” She won’t answer the phone or even respond to any questions about saving the marriage.
I’m gutted. Completely numb. We went from negotiating for a new house to headed for divorce and not speaking in the span of a weekend. I didn’t sleep at all Sunday night and maybe a few hours Monday night. I’ve barely eaten anything. My stomach is in knots. I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what her plans are. I’m at a brand new job. I don’t have a permanent residence here yet. The only positive is that my family is nearby. If I were to go back to the old job, I still don’t think she’d entertain the idea of saving our marriage. My house there is under contract. My kids are there. My dogs are there. Almost everything I own is there. I’ll soon have nowhere to live if I don’t do something, but I feel paralyzed.
I’ve never been so lost. It’s like my whole future is gone. This has to get better at some point, right?

Hey there, looking for a dress watch in yellow gold. Anyone have any recommendations for me? I found the Blancpain Villeret online, made by ZF but it’s no longer made any more. I liked that it was 9 mm thick, had a seconds hands and the applied roman numerals.

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UPDATE: reordered the list a bit for better overview. Fixed issues will now appear at the bottom of a specific list for better readability.
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We are a Fan subreddit, and not run by Blizzard, but the devs and CM's are frequently reading feedback from all sources, including reddit.
Many people come here to give feedback, which is welcome, but since some of the feedback is given very frequently, we compile this frequently given/posted feedback / requests / suggestions from players on specific issues in this weekly updated and reoccurring thread here to not bloat up the subreddit and people feed with it.
We will redirect most new threads about issues / feedback that are about below listed topics, to this weekly thread, to keep the subreddit better readable, while also keeping these issues highlighted as things the community is concerned about.
The list of these issues / topics is posted below and will be adjusted (when necessary) every week.
========================================
Things that have been fixed or otherwise solves or addressed will be crossed out like this.
This also proved a good overview of which issues have already been adderesed / fixed / etc.
​
--- List of Feedback / Requests / Complaints that are frequently posted on the subreddit ---
​
UI

• fix Typos in Item Tooltips and Text Boxes
• more than 100% completion in the Codex (or similar things) being displayed
• Requirements not met on Paragon Nodes
• Pathfinding Issues on the Map
• an Overlay Map (similar to Diablo 2)
• improved Chat / more QoL Features for Chat [solution suggested by a redditor]
• option to hide UI
• additional infos displayed on Clan Members and Friends
• an UI Indicator for when Resource XYZ is above ## (based on certain effects, e.g. from Passives or Aspects)
• INDIRECTLY ADRESSED (Season 4 Patch): additional Visual Indicators for Uniques and Legendaries aside from the Color (e.g. a Star on the Item Image for Uniques) - Lategame Items with Greater Affixes now have Roman Numerals behind them as a Visual Indicator
• INDIRECTLY ADRESSED (Season 4 Patch): Lootfilter and/or Salvage Filter - Rare Items now only drop with up to 2 Affixes, while Legendaries drop with 3 Affixes + Items with Greater Affixes on them have Roman Numerals behind them)
• Add search to titles / Aspects / etc (added in Season 4 Patch to the New Codex System)
• a regular, consistent Order in which the Affixes on Item Tooltips are appearing / being displayed
• option to mark Items for 'Keep' instead of marking them as 'Junk'
• separate Gem Tab (instead of gems, Gem Shard will drop now, which are a Crafitng Material from which you can craft gems. These Gem Shards will be stored in the Crafting Materials Tab) [alternative solution suggested by a redditor]
• fix the issue of flickering item tooltips when comparing items

​
Stash

• A few Private Stash Tabs for each Character (in addition to the Shared Stash Tabs)
• Move all Aspects into the Codex to free up space in the Inventory and the Stash (Season 4 Patch)
• Search Function in the Stash
• Additional 'Sort Functions' in the Stash and Inventory, e.g.: HighestLowest Item Level, WhiteMagicRareLegendary... within the same Weapon/Armor Piece, etc
• Sort Function should group same Aspects together

​
Items

• additional Affixes for the 'Razorplate' Unique Chest Armor (people often think its bugged)
• an improved Icon for Affixes that were re-rolled / enchanted, so that it better stands out
• partially / indirectly addressed: Gems are not worth picking up anymore at a certain point EDIT: partially/indirectly addressed - has been somewhat addressed but not fixed by Gem Fragments now being picked up automatically)
• Gems not being interesting enough (Season 4 Patch with the Large Itemization Overhaul made the Bonuses on Gems less conditional, replaced a few Bonuses with others, and added Main Stat)
• Ancient Rare Items should not roll with only 3 Affixes (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul, Rare Items)
• certain Affixes should not spawn as Normal Affixes on Items, but instead only on Passive Skills, Magic & Rare Paragon Nodes, or as a 5'th or 6'th Bonus Affixes on Uniques (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul)
• too many different forms of '#% Damage Increased Affixes' on Items /// less of these Affixes overall /// move many of these Affixes to Paragon / Passives / Uniques /// only up to # of these should roll on a single item [Large Discussion about this on the subreddit] (addressed in Season 4 Patch with the Itemization Overhaul)
• Below-Sacred Items should no longer in WT3 once a certain Character Level has been reached + Below-Sacred Items should not drop in WT4 at all
• The amount of Sacred Items in WT4, should reduce the higher your Character Level gets.
• (increased) Minimum Item Power on higher Character Levels
• higher drop chance for Uber Uniques (one of the reasons people give is that these items are often not just powerful, but also build defining, and hence should be obtainable in a season + "real Grail Items" should be "less mandatory")

​
Legendary Aspects

• relocating some Legendary Aspects to the Skill Tree (as Passive Skills or Skill-specific Upgrades) and/or the Paragon Board (as Magic, Rare and/or Legendary Passives)
• Legendary Codex Aspects should be able to be upgraded over time (b/c it feels bad to hold on to good ones long periods of time) (Season 4 Patch)
• other Legendary Powers (that currently are not obtainable via Dungeons) should appear in the Codex once salvaged. (Season 4 Patch)
• some/many of the mid- and late game Legendary Aspects should appear in the Codex, once the Item / Aspects has been salvaged / found / extracted (Season 4 Patch)
• Resource Aspects (like the Aspect of Concentration, etc.) should occur more frequently (addressed in Season 4 Patch, since they are now stored forever in the Codex)
• certain Aspects should occur more frequently in general (addressed in Season 4 Patch, since they are now stored forever in the Codex)
• Sort Function in Stash should group same Aspects together

​
Artisans and Crafting

• Duplicate Affixes should not appear when Enchanting /// or +1 additional Roll when Enchanting.
• Increased Movement Speed in town (to more quickly maneuver between artisans)
• ​
• Salvaging "Glacial Fissure" Sigil should show a warning and could refund some materials
• "Salvage Filter", aka an option at the Blacksmith to salvage items that do not met individually assigned conditions (like 'Salvage all Items below Item Power ###' - where ### stands for a number the players can select themselves, and other conditions)
• some people want to keep the Gatehall from Season 3 (Season of the Construct) as a new (optional) HUB (a community discussion on that can be found here )
• Artisans, Vendors, Stash, Wardrobe, Townportal, Waypoint, Purveyors of Curiosities, etc should be closer together in towns (suggestion / illustration by a redditor) (Purveyors of Curiosities have been moved closer to other vendors and more Stashes have been added in each town) (plus, in the Season 4 Patch, all Artisans are now closer to the Waypoint / Town Portal)...
• Hair Color / Style should be able to be changed in the Wardrobe
• Enchanting Costs too high / Cap Enchanting Cost / slower ramp-up of re-crafting costs (Season 4 Patch improved this)
• list Elixiers in their own group (e.g. compile Weak Iron Bark, Strong Iron Bark, Heavy Iron Bark Elixir, etc into their own Drop Down Menu)
• a 'Sell All Button' / 'Sell All below-Sacred Items' / 'Sell All non-Ancestral Items Button' (with the upcoming changes this issue will no longer be relevant)
• option to mark Items for 'Keep' instead of marking them as 'Junk'
• option to 'Salvage all below-Sacred Items' + an option to 'Salvage all non-Ancestral Items' (with the upcoming changes this issue will no longer be relevant)

​
Balance (Combat)

• Skeletal Ballistas targeting Players from Off-Screen / dealing too much damage
• "fix" One-Shot-Mechanics
• Increased Base Movement Speed (at higher Character Levels / at Level 100 / +#% all ## Level)
• 2 Evade Charges from Level 1 (or at higher levels / or 2 from the start and +1 all ## Level)
• rework the Suppressor Elite Affix (is reworked: now no longer is active permanently on an Elites and also drops when the Elite is Hard CC'ed)
• Limit / reduce CC in higher dungeon difficulties (lets see how this will turn out)

​
Mount

• additional Charges for the Mount (at higher Character Levels, as rewards, etc)
• let us use Mount Charges in Town (to more quickly maneuver between artisans, etc)
• reduced Mount / Dismount Cooldowns
• Faster Mount / longer Spur
• Improve Mount Maneuverability / Smoothness / getting stuck on minor obstacles
• Mount should break through Barricades

​
Leveling / Campaign / Dungeons / Endgame / Uberbosses

• Event Tracker List / UI
• let us fight Campaign Bosses again outside of the Campaign (maybe as additional Uberbosses or Worldbosses)
• fix the bug of Enemies spawning behind closed doors / gates, which prevents to open the gate in the first place
• immediately port us into a Nightmare Dungeon directly after a Nightmare Sigil has been activated
• make Nightmare Dungeon Icons easier to see / easier to re-find on the map
• endgame tree of whispers quests
• increased Drop Rates for Summoning Materials (to summon Uber Duriel, etc) - (some even suggest that Uber Duriel should not require any materials to summon, b/c you still have to fight him to have a small chance to get a Uber Unique)
• Uber Lilith boss fight should be improved, the attacks should be better visible and visually line up.
• some people suggest that Uber Duriel should be harder, while at the same time also drop more rewarding items or drop Uber Uniques more frequently.
• some people suggest that Items dropped by Uber Duriel should always have maxed Affixes
• increased Mob Density during Helltides (Season 4 Patch)
• partially / indirectly addressed some people request Cinders to 1) be account wide, 2) have no Cinder Penalty on death, and 3) persist to next Helltide... EDIT: has been partially/indirectly addressed by increasing the frequency of Helltides, but some people reported that this is not enough
• some players suggest / request to no longer hide Helltide Chest Icon on the Map, because it just redirects player traffic to 3'rd party websites (additional update in Patch 1.3.0: icons for Helltide Chest of Mysteries and Living Steel Chest have been updated to make them more visually distinctive from the other chest icons)
• increased frequency of Helltides
• more XP / Rewards for Side Quests / Whispers / Overworld Events / Helltides / PvP
• Better Notifications (in Chat and or "Popup Notifications") for Worldbosses, Legion Events, etc.
• let us teleport directly into a Nightmare Dungeon
• "something to do" in the Endgame aside from Uber-Lilith (e.g. additional Uberbosses, Uber Events, Uber Challenges, etc) (lets see how this will work once implemented)
• Uber Lilith should have a (noticeable) increased Chance to drop Uber Uniques (Uber Bosses will now have higher chances for Uber Uniques)

​
Season Specific

• Minor Bug: Season 2 Materials are still dropping in Season 3
• Season 3 (partially addressed, but overall noticeably improved) - requests for improving the Season Mechanics, Traps, Rewards, the Companion, etc - has been quickly addressed via numerous adjustments
• (Season 2 issue) fix the issue where Potent Blood is dropping within a fountain, making it impossible picking it up

​
Technical & Bugs

• general request: reduce Lag / Stutter
• keep an instance of a Nightmare Dungeon open for ~5 minutes after disconnect
• bug of characters getting stuck / floating in various ways under certain conditions
• the camera should be zoomed out more by default (or as an option) (Season 4 Patch)
• fix the GPU Memory Leak Issue
• improvements and Bug Fixes to Living Steel Chests (many users request less Cinders to open them and/or them dropping more Living Steel)

​
Other Quality of Life

• Respawn Point in Dungeon closer to the place of death
• the 'Scroll of Amnesia' should be able to be bought from a vendor for a reasonable price. Some additional suggestions: Scroll of Amnesia should be regularly granted when reaching certain levels. One Scroll for Paragon-only, one for Skill Points-only.
• Let us set the Townportal to a City of our choice.
• A way to save (a limited amount of) "Build Loadouts" (similar to D3's Wardrobe, but not as a replacement for D4's Wardrobe, but rather as an addition / extension)
• some ways to get at least smaller amounts of Platinum outside of purchasing something
• some people ask to keep the Gatehall from Season 3 (Season of the Construct) as a new (optional) HUB (a community discussion on that can be found here )
• the camera should be zoomed out more by default (or as an option) (Season 4)
• Nightmare Sigils: put the level of enemies from a Nightmare Dungeon on the Nightmare Sigil (in Patch 1.3.x)
• improvements for Gold Trading on Console (in Patch 1.3.0)
• WASD Movement (in Patch 1.3.0)
• Option to Refund All Paragon / a single board as a whole
• allow to disable Combat Text

​
Other

• some form of ingame Looking for Group Feature [suggestion by a redditor]
• additional gender-specific Transmogs (especially for Male Sorcerer)
• additional Hairstlyes
• Event Tracker List / UI
• Training Dummy - Training Dummy is there now, but some people also desire a DPS Meter on the Dummy
• Renown Rework (for Seasons) / let 100% of Renown carry over to Season

​
Recent additions to the list

• updated for Season 4 Patch, which included the Large Itemization Overhaul (Codex Update, all Aspects in the Codex, Tempering, Masterworking, Increased Camera Zoom, Helltide Updates, new Artisan Placements, adjusted Gem Bonuses, etc)

========================================
Tell us in the comments and discuss with other about which topics you think should be on this list to be highlighted, and why!
That helps us to update the list for next week.

Abstract
Memory note, on rules of dialogue engagement, about not wasting limited space-time existence with mentally backwards-walking🚶‍♀️➡️🧠 puerile hecklers from the audience.
Sheikh Mahmoud
Mental note
The following (12 May A69) is a mental 💭 wake-up note 📝 to self:

“If someone from the linguistics community, i.e. those lost in PIEland 🥧🏝️ beliefs or ShemLand pandering, e.g. as post-amassing monthly now in linguisticshumor (100K+ members), or Egyptology community, being confused by learned incorrect CartoPhonetics foundations, or whatever 20+ EAN-impacted communities, using the Sheikh Mahmoud technique, calls you ”schizo-typic” 💊, e.g. here, here (N[7]R, 2-4 May A69), this 18+ user (aka puerile) even deleting their entire reddit account, a few days later (a commonly seen anti-EAN phenomenon), after given a 7-day ban for fouling on red flag 🚩 DebateLinguistics (DL) discussion rules, a “schizo” babbler, e.g. here (V[8]V, 11 May A69), or “schizo-phrenic” here (J[13]R, 31 Mar A69) AND posts, repeatedly, that I am “crazy” 🤪 here, here (J[13]R, 24 Apr A69), etc., these being the two main anti-EAN derogation mud 💩 slinging terms employed, in growing weekly or monthly derogations; all because I have begun (11 Feb A67/2022), since the Pandemic, to work on EAN theory (Swift, A17), evidenced by the LeidenI350 stanzas, which proves that all ABGD-based languages — the English, Latin, Greek, Sanskrit based languages most importantly, as explaining this combined group solves the famous Jones common “source language” problem:

Jones on the common source hypothesis:

“Sanskrit (संस्कृत), Greek (Έλληνε), Latin, Gothic, Celtic, and possibly old Persian, must have sprung from some 🗣️ common source?”
— William Jones (169A/1786), Asiatick Society of Bengal, Third Anniversary Discourse, Presidential address, Feb 2

The 🆕 common source being Abydos, Egypt (5700A/-3745), e.g. here, here, etc., the center of the new EgyptoIndoEuropean (EIE language family).

— words, Etymo, phonetics, and AlphabetOrigin, and alphabet “order”, derive directly from the 28 symbol LunarScript; which formed in the 500-year Sesostris (ΣΕΣΟΣΤΡΙΣ) [1285] empire, e.g. here, here, etc., world language domination window, between 3300A and 2800A, wherein the Egyptians impressed their language system on people, similar to how the Romans, during the Roman empire era, impressed Latin on people; which, in short, was imprinted, similar to a language coding computer program, onto the minds 🧠 of people, in the form of the 28 number-letter Osiris-themed ”Egyptian alphabet”, the first 14-letters: A to N, arranged in so-called: hoe 𓁃, 𓌹, 𓍁 [A], sow 𓁅, 𓂺 𓏥 (𐤄, E), reap 🌱𓌳 [M], and 150-day flood 💦 [N], yearly agricultural cycle, aka ”farming order” (Horner, A67); wherein a four layered social structure was encoded: farming, priests, warriors, government, gods, defined by laws, was encoded; spoken about, in geometric and cosmology terms, by Plato, Plutarch, Young, Swift, Gadalla, and Rehab; all derived from so-called “reduced” Egyptian GodGeometry and EgyptoLinguistics; a new number-coded language, formulated by Egyptian mathematicians, engineers, e.g. here, and cosmologists:

Psychoyos on engineered language invention hypothesis:

“It is strange how everybody wonders 💭 if it was possible❓for humble workers, Semite prisoners of war in fact [Gardiner, 39A], to have invented 💡alphabetic 🔠 writing ✍️? But no one should discuss the possibility of the invention alphabetic writing to have been the work of ⚙️ engineers, even though the myths seem to point in this direction? Maybe alpha, beta, gamma, delta ... represent 1, 2, 3, 4 ... in some 🗣️ language?”
— Dimitris Psychoyos (A50/2005), “The Forgotten Art of Isopsephy“ (pg. #)

[continued]

originally described by the seven main Egyptian numerals, dating to the 5300A TombUJ number tags 🏷️, which attest letter-number H (8), as 𓐁 [Z15G], i.e. two palms 𓂪, and letter-number R (100), as the solar 🌞 ram head 𓍢 [Z1], and the 5700A Naqada I period black-rimed vase, which attest the proto letter-number I (10), as type: ∩, the Horus 𓅃 solar 🌞 falcon in the Hathor 𓁥 Milky Way 🌌 cow 🐮 yoke home 𓉡, aka letter omega Ω [800] presently; a 6K+ year old Egyptian cosmology star 🌟 story, recorded by 1,050+ HieroTypes; the oldest of which being letter-number H [8] or 𓐁 [Z15G], in the attested form: 𓏽 (𓂪) / 𓏽 (𓂪), found extant on the 20,000A Ishango math 🧮 bone 🦴, Congo, Africa; all of which predicates a steep 4-year or more learning curve, in order to understand what is going on:

New EAN member who has previously enjoyed read Fideler (A38):

“There’s a steep barrier to entry on this material in terms of time commitment and information processing ability.”
— O[19]0 (A69), “comment”, Hebrew Numerals, May 9

[continued]

Subsequently, as I only have so many days of space-time existence left on this planet 🌍, the 3rd rock 🪨 from the sun 🌞, who the Egyptians referred to by the hiero-name: 𓀭 𓃀 𓅬 [A40-D58-G38] (here), to use to finish the scheduled 6-volume EAN book 📚 set, so I can get back to the HumanChemThermo (HCT) derivation and final scheduled target 🎯 HCT publication; it thus behooves me 🚧 not to engage in dialogue with those who drop either the S-bomb 💣, the C-bomb 💣, or other DL red flag 🚩 terms, as these types of people already have their mind “made up”, being pre-disposed to backwards non-open-mined thinking 🤔, their brain 🧠 anchored ⚓️ in accepted “standard” status quo, but logically incongruent, ideology and dogma; and no amount of arguing or discussion will convince them otherwise, as has been evidenced in the 1.5-year open window🪟of free-going discussion, in the early period of Reddit EAN; or to reply to people whose refutation is “LOL, you are not a scientist, and do not know peer review!”, a comment made while I was making this mental note.
It is better, as Planck said, to let the old generation die off, so that the new generation will allowed sunlight so to grow to the new view.”
— Libb Thims (A69), “mental note”, wake-up state, 9:35 PM CST, May 12

Mental note Follow-up #1
The following is the “reduced“ version of the former:

“Do not 🚧 engage [DNE] with puerile minds.”
— Libb Thims (A69), ”mental note”, wake up state (sleep: 11-hours); thoughts on previous day wake up mental note, combined with V[4]S, in this post, who dropped the S-bomb 💣, to which I replied with pro-tip rule, at the Russian (language) sub, about the following letter L type switch from: Λ → Л, between my name in print as: Λибб Тимс, below my photo, versus this the Google translate name Либб Тимс (Libb Thims) or say Леонард Эйлер (Leonard Euler) also shown in the article, below his photo, spelled as Λеонард ЭйΛер in this A52 (2007) Russian article. It still boggles my mind how someone throw the S-bomb at someone for asking the simple question: “how: Λ → Л?”, 3:30PM CST May 13

Mental note Follow-up #2

”You are wasting my space-time.”
— Libb Thims (A69), truncated summary of previous, 2:23AM May 14

Pro tip!
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Reply.
In other words, it should not be that difficult to have a coherent ABC conversation about the origin of ABC, or the new theory of the Egyptian origin of language 🗣️ , without recourse to a trip down the sewer 🕳️ drain, the city trash 🚮 dump, or to the happy default land of ad-hominem-ville?

I (26M) have been dating my girlfriend E (25F) for two years. She has full custody of her sister A (13F) since before we met due to their parents being drug addicts. The issue is is that since about six months ago, my girlfriend has gone off the rails. She’s constantly partying, drinking a lot, getting easily agitated which causing her to become incredibly angry and fight with me and A very often. Sometimes during these fights she will throw stuff at us. This is all a very sudden shift in behavior, E is a nurse (although I’m not sure about her employment now if she is continuing her behavior at home at her workplace it’s very likely she has been let go) and was a very quiet person who enjoyed reading and playing video games at home. Beginning about three to four months ago on top of the other behavior E has begun to disappear for two to five days at a time with no communication to me or A. The only reason we know she is not dead is because E parties in a group of girls which includes their cousin and their cousin has been telling A that E has been showing up to party. We have no idea where she is going during this time out. In the past month she has begun to disappear for a week or more now. She is barely speaking to me or A, A and I have sat down numerous times to discuss E’s behavior. We have thought of several reasons including mental/physical health issue, cheating on me (but that wouldn’t explain her behavior extending to A as well), E falling into a partying lifestyle, or a drug issue. In the end, we have no idea what is going on. So I have been taking care of A basically on my own for six months now. E and A moved in with me six months into the relationship due to losing their apartment very suddenly (asshole landlord and lease issue). E pays not rent to live in my house (it was my great-grandma’s fully paid, my grandpa inherited it and allows me to live in it with no rent but I pay for upkeep and property taxes), she used to pay for groceries but that has stopped. For the most part until six months ago she paid for a lot of A’s expenses. I would buy her things here and there but that’s normal for a stepfatherish figure. However, for the past six months I have been paying for everything or A’s. Food, clothes, school expenses, I got her a phone in case E would contact her if she had her own phone instead of off mine, soccer equipment, medical expenses (just regular checkups and an urgent care visit after a sprained ankle from soccer). I’ve been taking A to school, to her soccer games, I planned and hosted her birthday party. So now I am beginning to wonder if I should file for custody of A. E’s behavior is showing no signs of stopping. A and I really get along, she is a really sweet and hardworking kid. I have no issue with being her parental figure, I also have a good job and am in a position where I can financially manage a child with no issue. I’m really concerned with how this situation is going to affect A’s mental health, we’ve begun to discuss A attending therapy because A feels like E has abandoned her. Another thing is A is an incredibly talented soccer player, she often attends tournaments which I have been taking her to. If she continues on this trajectory she will likely have college opportunities. To give her the best opportunity, my parents have offered to pay for her to attend my former high school which is a private school. My parents pay for all their grandchildren to attend this school system. The school has a very good sports program and it will help set A up to take soccer as far as she can. A is in favor of attending and has toured the campus and met the soccer coaches and is incredibly excited about going. I’m wondering if I would be able to file for custody of A? Or even if I should, so far E has shown no signs of resistance to me taking care of A. But I worry that I will eventually run into an issue where I will need parent permission and I don’t know if E will/will be able to give it? I would like to add that I have no criminal history, I know that that is a factor in custody cases.

So, this topic is an interesting one and isn't talked about enough for me. Your house or apartment number radiates at a number based on the number itself it is one digit or the sequence being added into one.
For example, if you live in apartment 304, then your # will be 7 because you add all numbers until you get a single digit. If you live in an apartment that equals 7, you may find yourself extra inquisitive or connected to some type of contract or relationship. Some people living in 7 homes say that it ends up being related to ghosts and others notice it can be connected to learning about something more.
If you live in an apartment with 302, then your number will be 5. This is better than living in a 104/5 apartment because 104 is 14 and 14 is a karmic number. I actually lived in a 14/5 apartment which is a karmic debt number and this was after I didn't notify my income increase. 14 is taking advantage of a comfortable situation to get your way basically or in other words "dodging responsibility". It made a lot of sense when I looked into this. I didn't stay in the 14/5 apartment long. Since 302 isn't karmic, this may be a better 5 apartment or home to live in because 3 is connected to creativity, communication, friendship, and optimism. 2 is connected to cooperation, compassion, and love. This is probably a more ideal 5 energy to live under. You may notice an increase in your social activity and the excitement in your life.
No matter what your home or apartment number is, just add up all the digits until you get 1 digit and that is the number.
This is not focusing on the full address!
It is only your apartment or door number.
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Regarding the supposed prophecy about the Romans winning a victory (30:2-30:4). Is there any accurate dating of these verses? I’ve read various different dates such as 614, 617 according to a Hadith, and also 624 according to another Hadith.
I’ve also read another that dates it to 622 which makes it a medina verse rather than a Meccan. Is it possible that the traditional dating is wrong and these verses were revealed in Medina rather than Mecca? Just trying to figure out if Muslims claims about this being a miracle are actually true. If it was revealed in 622, this would be after the romans had already launched a counter attack and won numerous battles, making it not miraculous at all. Thanks.