I've been having a rough time for a while now. Recently my mom and I were evicted after a 2 year long battle against our landlord. We've lived in that apartment for 7 years, and we packed it all away in a couple days.
Eight months ago I broke up with my partner of three years. The break up was messy. I was very manic during that time bc of my medication and weed usage. It ended in us saying terrible things to each other. We met up a month ago and a week after that. He said he had had a good time and how he'd see me soon.
Other than that, nothing has been going on in my life. My mom and I have a complicated relationship. We've reached an understanding in recent years but she was a very busy unavailable parent. I was abused a lot by her and other family members.
My sibling and I (she's one year older than me,) share a similar relationship with one another. She was a terrible sibling and abused me a lot too.
My mom and I are at an extended stay hotel. I have no money. All I do is lay down all day. I've lost many of my passions and interest. I used to be an artist with hopes of becoming a video game designer. Ever since the break up and the months leading up to it, life has been surreal.
I just don't know who I am.
My mom talks down to me and often takes a pratical approch to dealing with my problems. It makes me feel small. When I forget things she wants me to do she attacks my age, my lack of responsiblitiy, how much she works. I just want my old life back with my ex.
When we saw eachother after all that time apart, I felt so strange. It felt like I had a reason to get up and leave the house.
I don't have that in any other aspect of my life.
I feel to guilty about my mom paying for everything. She even gives me spending money depsite us not being finacially in the best place.
When I don't take care of myself she gets really upset, its always been that way. She never sees it though. She thinks shes being reasonable despite shouting, shaking, getting in a threating range. She just wants to help me in a way that'll work. It doesn't though.
I feel like a bum and I'm very lonely. I don't know what to do.
My mom and I got into an argument an hour ago outside the hotel. She started berating me about my age, how I did nothing she asked of me for the day (I did all but one), how she works and goes to college and..., I just checked out. I'm never confrontational, yet historically thats when my family usually gets the most upset/ starts hitting.
She thinks everything is disrespect. Theres no winning.
I have a job lined up. They're a new bakery that was hiring. They told me I'd start a month ago but the open date keeps getting pushed back.
Everyday I feel pointless, and theres my mom reminding me.
I wish I had some friends.

I'm not sure if this kind of post is allowed here and I'm sorry for the rant, but I'm the kind of person who feels shitty about making a big deal out of my achievements to the people in my life, so i thought I'd shout it into the void and probably delete it later.
In 2016, i was 26, working at my local liquor store, struggling to make ends meet. Nothing wrong with the retail life - i respect the shit out of anyone who can take it for longer than i did - but i was miserable. I decided to try to do better for myself and the world around me.
I craigslisted and linkedin'd my way into a marketing job, satisfying the "better for myself" part, at least. I worked my way up for six years. I was happy and comfortable, but i decided i couldn't continue to work away at nothing that mattered while ignoring everything that was happening outside my window. I took the LSATs (not well, but well right) and applied to law schools around the country, hoping to become a public defender or a small time civil rights lawyer. I picked the one that gave me the best scholarship and moved with my incredible wife and my cats across the country.
I should clarify at this point that i am in many ways the antithesis of the classic type A, hustle culture law school archetype. I am, to most of my friends and daily, a starry-eyed, longhaired hippie who smokes too much weed and reads too much sci fi - but it turns out the only thing i hate more than working hard is the feeling that I'm squandering the gifts I've been given in this life.
All that is to say that the last two years have been the hardest thing I've ever done - but in short, somehow, miraculously, my lackadaisical ass has absolutely fucking crushed it at every turn. As a result, i ended up in a position i never expected. The law school universe and the legal job market is insanely old school and hierarchical, and a lot of people told me it wasn't worth it to start this process if i couldn't get into a top ranked school. Transferring from the school i got into to one of those schools requires being in the top 10% of your class, and then some. I never hoped that would be an option for me - i just wanted to do well enough to keep my scholarship, find a job, and start making a difference. I was encouraged by a mentor to expand my expectations - to see if i could climb the shitty, arbitrary power ladder with an eye towards opening up more opportunities to do more of the kind of good i always talked about.
Today, at the age of 33, i got accepted as a transfer to a "top 14" law school -- the kind that means I'm gonna be able to use my degree and my skills to help people, and maybe, hopefully, not just a few people on the front lines of a fucked up system, but a lot of people, in a structural way. I know a lot of people hate lawyers for a lot of good reasons, and that many of the lawyers people hate start out with the best intentions - but all i can do is try to climb as high as i can and keep my eyes open while i try to be one of the exceptions.
I see a lot of shit on the internet about remembering when you dreamed of what you have right now. Eight years ago, i couldn't have conceived of this path for myself. I've spent so much of my life, so many sleepless nights, remembering all the missed opportunities and things I've done wrong. I'm so glad i found a way not to let that past define me - that i didnt settle for less without trying, one more time, for real and with all that i had, to see if i was capable of more.
I'm so fucking proud of myself, guys, and so excited for the road ahead. I hope if you're wondering about taking a leap, you take it, so that you can feel this way, too - because holy shit, if my ass can do it, so can you.

Okay so, this will probably be long so buckle in.
About a month and a half ago a friend of mine, we'll call them K. K recently found out that the apartment they had been staying in wasn't going to be renewing their lease and if they didn't move their things by the end of day that the landlord would be starting the eviction process. As someone who has faced houselessness before, I offered to hold some of their stuff at my place temporarily and get them to the hotel they would be staying at until they could move into their new place. No biggie right? Wrong. After helping them move their stuff and getting them to the hotel, they stayed in communication with them so we could help them move the stuff from our house to their new place, and the day before they were supposed to move they got let known that they opted to go with another rental applicant instead. K and their partner, who we'll call J, started really panicking about having to keep paying for a motel without on paper jobs and unreliable income. Keep in mind I actively live in a low income complex myself and, cannot have guests, for more than 14 days at a time according to my lease. J had just gotten a lead on a job closer to my house so I offered to let them stay for the 14 day limit I'm allowed to have guests, so that they could get a paycheck in and be able to go to a cheaper motel close by to their job. Another thing they agreed to was making sure that there was no evidence of them staying in my house, and that they had to be gone during the inspection window m-f from 8am to 5pm. I know, I'm probably going to be told more than once how stupid this is or I am, but I need to vent about this before I lose my mind more than I have already.
Carrying on, my partner is working at the same place as J, so J had a reliable ride to this job. My first red flag with J was that J used almost all of their points within their first week at the new job for a myriad of reasons. First time was because K didn't feel good and didn't want to be left home alone. Fine. I thought it was really ignorant to start off on the wrong foot with a new job but whatever. Second time was because J didn't have lunch to take to work and can't work on an empty stomach. After this absence J explained to their boss that they were struggling to work on an empty stomach, so boss agrees to reach out to a local food bank to get some lunches packed for J and my partner for work every day so they don't have to work on empty stomachs every day until they start getting paid. J declined bosses offer because they didn't want the food pantry food offered to them. Third time J doesn't go in is yet again for K not feeling good and convincing J to stay home. Well , and today we found out at the last minute before they were supposed to be at work that J had been fired for accepting an overtime shift on Saturday and then no call no showing that shift. J had been at this job less than 3 weeks. Which is 1 week longer than I agreed to. Here's the kicker, I live with and care for a disabled woman who has very very severe anxiety, and K & J keep going behind my back to talk to her and lie about things they'll do for her to keep being allowed to stay here. And I'm going to bullet point all of the just outright shitty things these people have done since they got here, and before anyone tells me to make them leave; involving the cops is out of the question as it risks our housing, and they should be gone in the next couple of days.
-they have harassed me over cannabis since the day we helped them move their things. I live in a recreational state but consume for medical purposes.
-they have repeatedly paid back other people that they owe money instead of me or my partner and admitted that to our faces
-they keep 'accidentally' mixing my partners clothes with theirs and then wearing them in front of me. Keep in mind they're a, size small and my partner wears a 3x there's no confusing their shirts
-I have a deep freezer that I've been working hard to stockpile since covid hid and inflation has made grocery shopping so hard, and they've eaten every single thing out of my deep freezer.
-they have raided my entire pantry as well.
-they've thrown out my leftovers without asking me because they themselves don't eat leftovers
-they switched their visitations with their child from 4 hours on Tuesday nights to entire weekends without asking
-they took my partners special broth he had bought specifically to make something, opened it, and didn't even read the packaging, put it open back into my cabinet and it molded. Im allergic to mold :
-they've been asked repeatedly not to knock on my doors after my bedtime hours because my partner works early mornings and has a hard time sleeping; then proceed to message me one time and wait precisely 0.2 seconds for a response and then knock on my door anyways.
-they use my shower and leave hair, clog my drain, and don't ask anyone if they have to use the bathroom before they use it to shower for over an hour. I have also repeatedly asked them not to leave their dirty clothes on my bathroom floor and they won't.
-they argued about having to leave for the inspections and promised they would help clean during them and then stayed in the area they weren't allowed to be in for every day of the inspections and didn't do anything they said they would do.
-they keep having blowout fights in my basement and as I already stated the woman I care for has severe clinical anxiety. She did agree to this arrangement but I guess it's true that even if you think you know someone you really don't till you live with them.
-K has been smoking my cigarettes for days and doesn't replace them but won't buy their own pack
-they've been asked not to come upstairs unless it's to use the bathroom (not shower) during our quiet hours and they won't stop doing that either.
I'm sure there's more I'm missing but I'll answer any questions about it I guess. These people have gotten me so stressed out that my stress induced seizures, that I've had under control for over a year now have come back with a, vengeance and are happening almost every day, I'm getting migraines with aura, my hair is falling out in clumps, and another stress induced ailment I deal with is ALSO flaring up because of the stress. Don't need advice or anything just wanted to vent how frustrated I am 🥲

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MediumGrouchy5547
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Editor’s Note: TCA stands for trastornos de la conducta alimentaria which translates into “eating disorder”
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note

OOP: My sister in the note said that she loves our parents, my brother was 19 when our sister left and he himself knows how much our parents loved and supported her when she was having a hard time with herself but the outside always affected her badly.
I was ten years old but I wasn't a baby and I remember what the family dynamic was like, I remember the feeling of my family, my parents are not narcissists and my sister loved them and they love who's my sister, she just had her own problems.
How could a parent miss the idea of their children? There's not a day when my parents don't miss everything about my sister, they miss sharing the day with her, my father even missed when she was cranky. My parents always let us go our own way and I can assure you that they never pressured us to be what they wanted us to be, I don't even know what they want us to be.

Relevant Comments
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.

OOP: She's not. My sister had a lot of self-destructive behaviors and hurting herself was one of them when she felt 'fat', she also had eating disorders and panic attacks because of that. I don't remember too much but she did other things to not eat besides hitting herself, she was very open about her TCA and yes, she has a diagnosis from a professional.
My sister was always in touch with my mother and everyone in text, she always used to keep in touch when she was going out until the day she left, now she doesn't even have a phone. In her note she just said that she wanted to leave everything

mikuzgrl: It almost seems like the sister has been in contact with someone for a while and thinks news is being passed back and forth.

OOP: I never thought about that but I don't think so, seeing how my parents miss her I think the first thing the family would do would be to at least tell my father that she is okay :/

 
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
 
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari

OOP: Idk how it is in other countries to be honest, my sister doesn't live in community and there are no camps, she's one of the few who has a house because most of them prefer to travel around the country.
I really think it's impossible for them to be 100% Rastafarian here tbh because we are from South America and the Rastafarian community here is obviously totally different from the REAL Rastafarians, they just follow most of the philosophy
Edit: for example, my sister doesn't consider herself Rastafarian but she share some points of the philosophy they have, I don't know how the rest of them thinks

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thabks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Tldr is at the end...This is from when I was in University when Snapchat was huge, and minor details that don't affect the story been changed so I don't break my NDA.
While in university I (20F) worked a internship. Every semester (4 months) they hire 8 students to work this internship and they are picky about who are hired. Criminal record checks, meet certain academic requirements, interviews, references etc. Those who come out of the internship can basically get any job within this field after they graduate.
The students are assigned to different processes of certain cases and we work under some well season professionals in this field.
There's a girl, Ashley (not her real name, 20F). I know of Ashley because a friend from a previous internship is friend with her.
Ashley joined us 1 and 1/2 week after everyone's start day because she had previously planned a vacation to see some basic white people music artist's concerts in the other side of the country.
She got everyone social media first day she was here and she seem generally normal. It was a little annoying to get her up to speed, but in a week she was able to work her part without too much direction from the rest of the students.
After the week of catching her up, she told the office she's going to the other side of the country to see the same artist's concert but in a different city. And she will leave in 3 days. She didn't tell us how long but she said it won't be long because the artist is only playing 1 show at that city.
While she was gone the professional are constantly bugging us students about the progress of the cases. We always have to tell them, that Ashley handles those part and she's away. After 3 weeks of Ashley being gone, the manager came to us students and ask us why we haven't finish theses things and learn that Ashley caused this. The manager decided to teach me and another student how to do Ashley part so we can get on with the cases. Ashley was gone for another 2 weeks after this.
Halfway through this internship, the school send someone to check in. I did my interview with the school representative and when I finished she ask me to get Ashley. I told her that Ashley isn't in, she's following some artist in the other side of the country. The rep was surprised to learn that and she said something along the lines of "she said her grandfather died, she should be back now"
All the student interns are very annoyed at Ashley because she's basically never here and we have to do so much more because she wasn't around. When Ashley came back, she forgotten all the processes and didn't even know the name of the professional she's partnered with.
So Ashley would just nap in the file room and not work. She will constantly bug me and the other students on how to do certain things and when the professionals ask why certain things aren't done or she did them wrong, she'll blame that we didn't teach her that.
In this internship we developed a little tradition where the students get lunch together on Wednesday, but it's not mandatory. One of the Wednesday when Ashley came to work, we all went to get dim sum together. Ashley said she don't eat meat for religious reasons so she will join for chatting but don't want to pay and had food in her cabinet. We thought that was fair enough as dim sum usually have some meat elements in them. Ashley proceeds to eat a fair amount of dim sum. Some of them, containing meat, even though we told her that there's meat in it. She said "it's okay because I'm just sampling it." and ordered 2 Cokes. I can't remember what the bill came to but we all have to chip in extra cash because Ashley "didn't really eat anything" even though you can see the chicken feet bones on her plate. She proceeded to make us accommodate her religious meatlessness when we pick restaurant for Wednesday lunches, thankfully she was barely in the office so it wasn't too big of a deal.
A little more time goes on and it's the last month of this internship and the student is trying to wrap up their cases to pass on to the new batch of students. Usually students need to sign an NDA about the stuff we did in the internship, and shred the copies of sensitive documents we keep in our cabinet.
Without telling anyone, Ashley just flew to a different country. Leaving all of us in a panic because without Ashley signing the NDA and her key to open her cabinet, the whole department can be liable to some serious trouble. The manager literally told us to contact Ashley anyway we can , so we can get Ashley back to sign the NDA and open her cabinet to see if there's anything we need to shred. Since I had Ashley on Snapchat, I told her that the manager need her back for this procedure or else we'll all be in big trouble. She told me that she won't be back in the county for another month cause she's following that same artist. And I told the manager that, and the manager just told us to do our part.
Since the day that I contacted Ashley on behalf of my manager, she been snapping me every single day. About her fancy latte, her front row seat of the concert, her hair being funky etc. While the rest of us students has to panic about the potential legal issues we are in and making up for the work she was supposed to be doing.
The day the internship was over, Ashley was as usual spamming me with her basic b latte in front of the concert venue of her basic white people music artist, and I sent her a message on Snapchat. "Please stop snapping me, I don't want to know about this concert anymore" She replied, "OH I'm sorry, I was just hitting reply all on my snap every time I post" and she never contacted me again.
A few months has passed, and I heard that she had started to talk behind my (and all the other students) back to anyone who'll listens, and made our mutual friend from the previous internship to cut me out of their lives.
Am I the asshole for telling her to stop snapping me?
Tldr: Am I the asshole to tell a coworker who missed half her prestigest internship to follow some music artist's tour and ate a bunch of food on everyone's dime to stop spamming me about the tour while everyone is trying to make up for her missing work.

I went through a very serious gambling addiction that destroyed my entire life and kept me in 150k debt. (average salary is 900 or less in my country so it's a massive debt) Problem is I ruined my buisness and dont have any qualification to get in to another job.
I used to run a phone repaisales shop, Kept the shop open after my family found out about my gambling addiction, and made some money of repairing phones because that doesnt require a big capital but 3 weeks ago or so the phone suppliers who owes me lots of money started putting alot of pressure on me and I can't keep the shop open anymore.
Wife was so supportive at first, understood its more of a mental decease dnd self destruct than me fucking my life over on purpose. Dad said he would help with paying back my debt, not only him but other family members were supportive too...
I stopped gambling ever since, it wasn't easy at all and still not easy especially now after everyone simply started preying on me.
Wife now treats me like a fucking piece of trash lying on the ground, reminding me that I destroyed my life every now and then. Dad no longer willing to help with paying back the debt... it's ok to not help me or support me, I don't deserve any of that. Im accused of playing the victim card because I wake up late and dont work. well I wake up late because I cant fucking sleep, im so depressed and fighting suicidal thoughts every second. Even when I fall asleep most of my dreams (nightmares) are about suicide. Maybe I lay in bed for many hours but Im not really sleeping, i am half awake most of the time. I dont work because I seriously cant find any semi-well paying jobs. I have no qualifications or experience but in phone repairs and this field is over saturated in my country and people are closing their shops and looking for other opportunities.
I wish everyone fucks right off, I didnt ask for people support because I know I fucked up so bad, but reminding me of my fuck up in every opportunity you get is so damn devastating. I dont have a magic stick to fix all of my problems in a short amount of time. It's a shame how humans love preying on the weak. Even the people you though would never let you down...
Sorry but I needed to vent somewhere, it's 5am and I can't sleep again...

If disguised under a preposterous or “absurd” appearance, [a UFO’s] effects would be undetected for a long time. I believe this could be a key to the confrontation with UFOs. ~Jacques Vallee

In 1954 the sociologist Gordon Allport published a book called The Nature of Prejudice. In it, he and some colleagues elucidated a link between increasing Intergroup Contact and reducing Racial Prejudice. At the time this was breakthrough research; repeated contact between members of the “in” and “out” group reduces stigma toward the “out” group.
In 1954 this could be easily illustrated by the attitudes of the public-at-large toward racial minorities over the preceding 100 years – shifting attitudes toward slaves and their descendants, as well as the previous 10 years – attitudes toward Japanese-Americans over the course of WWII.
As it turns out one of the most effective ways at reducing prejudice is “equal status contact between majority and minority groups in the pursuit of common goals.”
For African slaves, their descendants, Japanese-Americans, and countless others across history, this contact has been stained with blood and tears. But contact it was nonetheless, and our stigma toward these “out” groups declined overtime as they became part of the “in” group. They became ‘American’ and their “out” group identities and goals have become, and are becoming, less stigmatized.
Today, I believe we are watching this dissolution of stigma play out en masse on the world stage. The funny thing is that this time, all of humanity is part of a microcosmic “out” group and the aliens in their UFOs are part of the macrocosmic “in” group trying to get us to adopt their goals. What then, is so unsettling about humanity that they take such a slow-going route of stigma dissolution? Why don’t they just introduce themselves as equal status individuals?
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Attitude Rebound and Stigma
A few weeks ago I made the same post in both UFOs and Aliens. The post contained what I thought to be a reasonable, logical hypothesis that could easily explain away all paranormal phenomena… Yes, all paranormal phenomena. The post got about as much attention in each subreddit, however the reactions to its content was drastically different on each subreddit.
I will admit that I was being a little overzealous in my efforts to “raise the consciousness of humanity” and was proselytizing to some folks in the comments. My B 🙇🏻. What I found very very interesting, however, was how commenters on UFOs were much more critical and reductive than commenters on Aliens, who seemed more open to my zany hypothesis and its possibilities.
Now, I am not a physicist. I can barely remember the unit circle. I got a D in calculus at university. That is why/when I decided to get a liberal education rather than a scientific one. Having said that, I am very passionate about science and the scientific method. I am a nurse by trade, and for twelve hours a day, three days a week, according to my profession, I conduct three to five “n of 1” studies and report the results of these studies to a medical doctor. My job is to experiment on human beings and document outcomes.
What I observed when I made those posts was that one community was receptive and the other was hostile. I joined both UFOs and Aliens so that I could keep up to date on the latest disclosure news. I have noticed in my time browsing these subreddits that UFOs tends to request hard, ‘scientific’ data from posters, whereas Aliens seems to have more interest in the subjective experience of posters. Of course there is a lot of overlap given the content of these subreddits.
This is all just to say that the same message may be received differently, and it’s content interpreted differently, even by the same/overlapping populations, due to the stigma some individuals harbor. So I think it prudent that we introspect and hold an awareness of our own stigmas and biases, understanding they may be seated deep in our unconscious mind. We should reconsider the things we find absurd, for in the absurdity there may be a powerful lesson.
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Thank you to those who upvoted/downvoted and commented. Thank you for participating in this community. Thank you for being unwitting participants in this accidental study, and I will leave you with this quote from Gordon Allport:

It is here that we encounter the central theme of existentialism: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes.

When people say this was a flop, they were not kidding; this didn't just cause Bluth to go into semi-retirement, it also caused 20th Century Fox to shut down their animation department just 10 days after it was released. Yet qualitywise the film is certainly worth checking out and it's arguably way ahead of it's time. It was arguably doomed by being an animated film aimed at teenage boys, at the time the least likely demographic to see animated films and you have to wonder if it would have done better if it was in live action. And being from Bluth, it's fearlessly dark, even by his standards. I mean , when you open with Earth getting nuked Alderaan-style by a malevolent alien race, you're already dark as hell, but then you follow that up with aliens getting obliterated into goo, someone getting their neck snapped and folks getting shot and visibly bleeding, including in zero gravity. (Oh and partial animated nudity by both Matt Damon and Drew Barrymore's characters.) And being a Bluth film, it's visually stunning and (mostly) holds up very well today (the Earth's destruction at the beginning is quite a spectacle). You get the feeling this would be much more appreciated and successful if it was released today, when this type of animated film is more appreciated. And while hopefully Bluth is able to do one more film, if this is his last, it's a good one to go out on. (And very much in character; it would make sense to that the guy who loves putting his characters through torments akin to Job's suffering would start off his final film by atomizing the whole planet and just going from there.)

Hi everyone,
I woke up this morning from a dream where my husband had many secrets, lied and cheated on me. Obviously this was just a dream but it brought back some horrible feelings from another circumstance.
My husband and I have been together for almost 12 years, we’ve known each other for like 15-16 years. At the end of 2019 he had an emotional affair with another woman who actually didn’t live in the same country but her family lives in the same city as us and she was visiting for the holidays. I met her briefly and then my husband hung out with her once, however that once turned into multiple times throughout the time she was here (about 2 months). I was working in retail so I was really busy with holiday sales and I wasn’t able to take off time off like my husband did (office job). I started to feel weird about the whole thing and got kind of jealous. I didn’t feel super comfortable saying anything at that time though but he knew. We ended up all going out one night to a club and it was the worst. I was jealous and tired and ended up in the bathroom crying at the club. This was right before NYE. On NYE my husband took me to the side and told me he had feelings for her and I just froze. We had been married for 7 years at that point. I guess part of me was glad he told me but I was heartbroken. We went home and I kind of just shut down. After this revelation he still hung out with her, and even went on a fancy date with her, dropping her off at home and hanging out for many hours after talking. I tried to impose myself and told him well I want to come and he kind of was like no. I called him that night at like 3am to be like where the fuck are you? And they were still hanging out I guess he was too drunk to drive… he came back late that night and tried to apologize but I firmly let him know to not touch or talk to me. This was in early 2020 at this point. It was the last time they saw each other as she was leaving in a few days and he had a work trip. They still talked online for a while after but I think he knew how I felt about it and they stopped talking. I think she ended up blocking him and that’s that. I do feel like he never apologized for certain things though but whatever. Oh and during this whole time she followed me on Instagram too and we chatted now and then, I liked her until I didn’t anymore but I kind of kept her around because I didn’t trust her and I felt empowered by the fact that she blocked my husband but not me. She ended up moving home during the pandemic and that’s when I got a little crazy. She ended up unfollowing me at some point but I couldn’t let go. I made a secret Instagram and followed her on there just so I can see what she’s up to. She doesn’t post very much and she’s got a bf from what I gather but every now and then I think about this and I don’t know how to feel about it. I know my husband didn’t physically cheat on me but he probably would have at some point if she would have been living here.
This brings me to another message I found recently in his notes to a mystery woman saying how hot she was and how he hasn’t been with anyone else but me since his twenties but he would be open to having some “fun”. However I couldn’t find this message anywhere in his txts or dms. We have talked about polyamory and open relationships but I don’t really want that.
Ok I’m sorry about this very long story but this dream really shook me this morning.
I’m not looking for advice I just needed to get this off my chest.

Hi.
I know you must hear this a lot but for the last few years ive been really aimless and lost in life. I have depression and adhd which only make me feel even more stuck in life given my circumstances.
Essentially when I (20m, almost 21) was in high school, I didn’t care, I had a bad time, was bullied, didn’t have many friends. I just wanted to finish. I finished it on a good note, however, I didn’t do any of the important classes like sciences, maths, etc. I know this was dumb and I think it was one of the worst things I did for myself because I really feel like I ruined my future. The only way for me to get these credits is to do online high school and this just simply is not possible with my adhd, I’ve tried already 3 times and I was kicked for inactivity each time. I know it’s sad and pathetic, I’m aware.
I really don’t want to go back to high school.
Now I don’t know what to do with my future. I have passions like making music but I can’t monetize it, I’ll still practice and fulfill myself creatively but I know the chances of making it are astronomically low.
I’m afraid of the future given poor wages, ai, volatile job market, etc.
However nursing seems like a good idea. I’ll be able to help others in a job which seems to be in demand, well paying, and luckily there’s a program nearby (BCIT) that doesn’t require these classes, just a couple college classes (I already have half of them done from taking random classes over the last year).
Is it worth going down this path? Looking at the classes, it seems I won’t be able to transfer them or anything so it seems like a commitment but there’s seems to be a lot of pros regarding this job and I have no reliable passions that I can monetize.
I would really love to hear some thoughts, opinions, or experiences. I’ve been in the same thought loops about being useless for years. I feel sooo far behind my peers, everyone is almost done university and i have 3 classes under my belt.
Sorry if my post is in the wrong sub or anything, or if I accidentally broke any rules. I would really just appreciate some advice.
Thank you
EDIT: also I want to mention that not many jobs interest me. Things like nursing interested me as I feel like I would like to help others. They’re reliable and flexible. Other careers that interested me were also stem related like pharm, psychiatry, etc. but I obviously don’t know enough of these fields. I’m just lost and these all fascinated me at a surface level. I’m open

Connection Terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, but I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although you have indeed been called. You have all been called here into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach. But you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you. Although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well, I am nearby. This place will not be remembered and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away, as the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still, and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more, waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours. And then, what became of you? I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear. Not my daughter. I couldn't save you then. So let me save you now. It's time to rest, for you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends, for all of us. End Communication."

I (26M) caught my girlfriend (23F) in a web-of-lies.
I'm extremely devasted and my mind is clouded as I write this, but I have caught my girlfriend (23F), with which we have been dating for 6 years in a web-of-lies 3 Times in our dating period.
She has left me in my lowest point.
In the beginning of our releationship I caught her deleting a messages on her Iphone. I then confronted her and she told me that she deleted those messages because I would get the wrong impression of them and would end the releationship. She told me that she was scared to lose me, as I'm jealous of other males, which in fact is true, but I think my feelings were right all along.
I forgot the content of the message.
I let it slide, since we were in the beginning of our releationship (Maybe 1-2 years into it) and I also wasn't faithful at that time. I have even shared this with her at some points of the releationship, as I'm honest. The thing is that she said that she loves me so much that she would never do such a thing to me.
Slowly - I let my guard down, as she was with me during very hard moments in my life, where she could have easily left. As I let my guard down - I started adoring her and the thought of other girls started to dissappear.
She was extremely sweet, innocent and loving. No matter what I did - she was always there for me to support me and was always on my side.
I started focusing more on work, we were seeing each other everyday and everything was flourishing, but I never stopped being envious when she came with me at a disco/bar with friends or where there were other males.
I always felt as she had an eye out for some of them and always felt like I didn't satisfy her completely, as she had previously made remarks about our sexual encounters, which were above regular.
I slowly started to trust her more, as she continiously gained my trust by her action. Meanwhile I was 100% focused on my businesses and success.
She was working in a kid's playground and selling cakes. I was always there and supporting her.
As my success progressed - we started to go out on world trips on the most beautiful places and fell deeply in love (or so I thought)
4 years had passed by. She was still good an innocent (or so I thought).
On the 4th year - I made a project that made me life-changing money. I took her in Dubai with my whole family and spent a fortune to please them. Unfortunately - she was not happy there, I felt like she didn't support me at that moment. She didn't care what I did, she didn't care about my success. She tells me 'This is your success, not mine' 'This is your money, not mine' I told her I want to buy a house for us and she said 'This will be your house'
I then fell into an emotional pit, because everything I do is to support my family and create one wit her.
I got extremely mad, this feeling didn't fade away. I wanted to end it with her, because she didn't acknowledge anything.
The summer was approaching, we got into a fight over something (I Think I caught her again) - We separated for a month, she started crying and was working the whole month. - I went on a vacation with friends, where I cheated on her (Only kissing) and started approaching other girls. But while doing all this - My girlfriend never left my mind, I was extremely sad that I ended it with her.
I opened up her Instagram Account and saw on her story how she is on vacation with two good girls from her work and one baby (She was lonely by the looks of it and extremely sad)
I got back from the vacation and started working things out with her, I took her on a vaction, we had a bonding there, but something didn't feel right... She seemed sad.
I started gambling on crypto futures... I lost 20% of my networth... I got extremely mad.
We went back in our country and then I took her on another trip. I bought her everything she wanted, I took her everywhere she wanted, I did everything to please her. My focus at that time was entirely on her.
She wanted to go in the casino - we went. I lost money, but gave her, since she wanted to stack an amount for a nose operation.
(Not because the nose was broken or something, but because she wanted to look better)
Business started getting bad, my income vanished.....
I started trading more in order to get back to my previous amounts...
I lost it almost all.. I had 1 reserve fund which was locked and I waited a couple of months to take the funds out. She was there with me even when I lost.
She finished her operation.
I got the reserve fund. I started trading, I made half the amount back. She wanted me to buy her a car - I did. I bought a land as well, on which I wanted to start building our house.
After all that - I lost all my funds again...
She had been constantly in a fight with her parents and wanted to move out.
I had one small income left - with all the funds I had, I rented an apartment for 6 months.
During those 6 months - I focused on working, but was losing due to my gambling habbit.
She got a new job. She started going out with friends. Sexual intercourse decreased by a lot.
I told her that I don't like her going out till 6 AM in the morning. This just isn't right with me, so I got suspicious.
I hacked her laptop... she saw a notification and rushed to the house... I was able to see a lot of things, but it appears - she was deleting evidence, so I asked her to give her phone. - She gave it to me.
Unfortunately - I knew how to see deleted messages on an Iphone. I saw only one message, the content was:
'Don't message me anywhere again.'
I got filled with rage and we had a fight. She was fighting with me to get her phone back. I gave it and told her I want to end it.
As he was a famous greek singer - I was able to analyze when he had concerts and saw that on those dates - she had been visitng those concerts...
3 Days later - we talked and worked it out.... I was madly in love with her at this point. She told me that she arranges stages for him. (It's related to her new job)
My gambling habits were in full force. I lost a lot of money and couldn't afford a rent of a high-cost, so I told her - Let's move out to my mother's place and in the next 1 year I will make sure that I succeed again. (My mother isn't living inside the house, but my brother is)
She agreed roughly. So we moved and I started working, but unfortunately - The money I felt I was making was not enough, not nearly enough to buy an aparatament or build our house. She was acting kind, innocent.
I went out on a birthday party and my friend created a circumstance, where I would sleep with a girl next to me. I knew she really liked me and hooked up. We were going to have intercourse, but as I did anything - my girlfriend was on my mind and I couldn't bring myself to do anything other than kisses... I just couldn't.
She started going out with friends again. She was going nightclubbing with them, but assurred me - she was doing it for her own fun.
She was meanwhile stacking money to get a boob-job done. - She did it, made her boobs bigger. She assurred me that she was doing it for her own fun.
6 months have passed. - I stopped gambling, but she told me that she doesn't like my house, doesn't like that I'm living with my brother and she doesn't see a future with me.
She told me she would leave and go in her cousin's apartament, but he doesn't want me there.
I told her that I want to break up with her, because she doesn't want to be with me at my lowest point. I told her that she probably wants to leave the house to go out nightclubbing and find someone better than me. She felt offended (Or so It seemed), but I think that was the truth. She told me that she wants to have kids with me, she loves me, etc.
The next day: She goes out of city without telling me anything about her location. At night: she goes in a nightclub with her friends + other males.
I ask her in 2 AM - 'Where are you right now'? She comes in and out of 'Online' status. and at 4 AM I notice a follower increase on her Instagram, she follows him back - I send her a video and ask who the f is that? She responds 'What do you want', 'This is an old friend', 'Stop being envious'
I get extremely angry and stop responding. The next day I check the live photos of the nightclub and pray to god to give me a sign that I'm not delusional and exactly the next photo - She is on the same table, with the same guy, with her friends and other males. She told me she was sleeping.
1 Day passes - she starts messaging me and sending me photos with the quote 'Let's promise we will never leave each other and fix everything when things go wrong.' 2 Day passes - she starts messaging me, so I show her that I don't want to talk with her. 3 Day passes - no one messages. 4th day she messages me: "Are we breaking up?" and I told her "Do you think I want to be with someone, who constantly lies to me, goes out nightclubbing and adds some r*tards in Instagram?" She told me - "First of all - I'm not lying about anyhing" Then I ask her - "Why have you added this person in 4 AM in the morning"? She replies: "I have had him for some time now, he is an old friend" I told her that I monitor her followers and know if he is old or new" I told her that she looks like trash in my eyes at this point and she got angry She told me she isn't obligated to tell me anything and she hasn't added him in 4 AM, she will not be repeating her self.
I ask her: - Can you tell me where were you at that time (The night that this happened) ? She tells me: - Like every night - at home. I sent her a photo of the live nightclub photo where she is with him, her friends and other male friends. I tell her 'I hope this is gives you an answer for everything' 'My girlfriend died a long time ago' She starts sending laughing emojis and says: "It's good, right?" "You killed her more likely and made her what she is today" I tell her "It's possible" She responds "As you can see - he is with his girlfriend, DON'T THINK WRONG THINGS OF ME" I told her: "Don't explain yourself" "This was my last question." She is now telling: "This is a driver of... and some time ago my friend hooked up with him, this is from where I added him, I haven't added him now" I told her: "I don't think anything of you." She responds "The last two years you have not thought of me anyway" WHICH IS NOT TRUE. I tell her "I wish you all the best, I hope you find what you are looking for" She responds "Me too, be happy" I respond "I have only one question left" "When did my girl die?" She reponds "You can always contact me if you need any help" I respond: "Thank you, but I don't think of searching for contacting you anymore" She asks: "Which is your girl?" I respond "The good girl that loved me and was always with me or was this just a product of my imagination? Be honest" She said: "Whatever you feel like" I respond "Okay, good night" Then I forward the message "You can always contact me for help" and I say: "I really loved you and will miss you" She reponds: "I will never stop loving you. There is no way to stop loving a person with which you have been in a releationship for 6 years" "Good night, I will not upset myself anymore" I ask her "Why would you do this to me?" She ask "What did I do to you?" I told her "It's pointless to say, I have a lot more information that on the photo" She says "We were in this town for a doctor checkup, after that we went to a nightclub and accidentially met them (The person and his male friends)" I ask her "Will you stop with the lying?" She says "I'm telling you" I respond "Good night"
Now my question is:
I'm a sucker for her love. Maybe I'm just in love with the old her. I have never loved any girl as much as I love her. I feel absolutely terrible. Maybe part of this was my fault. Maybe it was my fault that she became like this..
What do I do from here? I don't think I will ever love a person this way.. I wanted her to carry my children and raise a family with her.

I need help and opinions. Thanks for reading if you do!
In the last year or so, I've recovered some bad memories of my childhood and some of that was preceded and followed by other bad memories of growing up with my mom and dad, Mostly my mom, and have realized that she is a narcissist among other things.
I am also currently in nursing school and if anyone has been through a grueling education process, you'll understand that your time cannot be on what you want or what other people want it to be all the time. It is 2 full time jobs worth of studying, sometimes more, on top of 2+ jobs and other responsibilities. Due to this, our relationship is growing further strained because I am not able to do what she wants me to do when she wants me to do it. She guilt trips me for studying or even just taking care of my mental health, and consistently interrupts or even stops me from studying all together. I do not study at home anymore due to that and so she guilt trips me when I come home from work or school for not being here to help or whatever it is. The thing is, I've tried to do it all plus school and multiple jobs. I can't. I almost failed my last semester because I did everything she wanted to me to do all the time bc I figured it would be easier. Obviously it wasn't. It is a lot to type out so this not everything that happened but gives you a little bit of background.
Well there has been a couple of big fights, a lot actually. And it's mentally messed with me. Now I'm at a point where I don't let it bother me too much outwardly but can't help but let it bother me on the inside sometimes. So much so, that I've decided it's time for my sister, her son and I to get an apartment. I think my parents and I's relationship would be better if I weren't here. And I told them that.
Now all of a sudden, my mom has started with this desperate campaign to show me how much of a waste of money it would be for me to move out and pushing on me that if I'm not going to buy their house that they're either going to keep it til they die (another trigger for me) or sell it to someone in the family. Earlier today, she told me that my cousin wants to buy the house. I told her, yes that's a good idea because when we get our apartment, that they could move out and get a different house and if I wanted to buy the house later on, I could. Well, apparently, she didn't expect that reaction from me. I told her that it was a good idea and she was flabbergasted. She stopped talking about that and moved on.
A few days ago, one of the fights she started was about the fact that she had accidentally taken one of my scrubs and dried them, which I dont do. I hang dry them. It wasn't a big deal to me. I just rewashed them and had to retrain the fabric again. Not a big deal but it was made a big deal bc i had to rewash them, wasting time and money. She freaks out and when I tell her that she is literally freaking out about NOTHING, it makes her angrier bc how dare I tell her that? How dare I say that she made a mistake, no matter how small it is. This blew up into her refusing to accept a mother's day gift or even read a card until I let her belittle and scream at me that I've changed and how horrible of a daughter I am, how I'm using my studying as a crutch to not do anything (even though I do), and how much I've hurt her by not doing what she wants me to do. She also said, along with my dad, that I am a narcissist because I'm setting boundaries that I do not want to talk about anything political and have to make hard boundaries about studying... in order for me to pass my classes, mind you. Only after an hour and a half of her and my dad belittling me and telling me how I've changed for the worse and how much I've hurt her, did she open the card and say "thanks for the beautiful card." She initially refused to take my card but took my sister's, literally in my face, and took the time to read everything out loud from her card before saying she will not read mine because I don't care about her or love her. This is a tactic she does often to try to pin my sister and I against each other. This is not everything, but more for background.
Her M.O. is to push the blame onto me about absolutely everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING. Even stuff that has nothing to do with me. Well, today she tried that but I caught her in a lie instead.
I had done some of mine and my sisters clothes right before she came down and I had a pair of scrubs under a sweater on the dryer that I hadn't put away yet. When she went into the laundry room to switch her laundry over (because she also tries to gatekeep the laundry room,) she lied and told me that she had just pulled the scrubs out of the dryer and said that even I mess up because I had actually put her clothes in the dryer and I hadn't taken them out. Of course she doesn't know that I knew those scrubs were NOT in that load and were already done previously.
It blew my mind.
I know she's done this before but my mind is so lost on how many times I thought I was just crazy or maybe thought I remembered wrong. And she's done this about everything. For my entire life. But I never caught her like this before.
It spiraled me and kicked up some other memories. Not good ones.
But now, every time she talks to me, I feel disgusted and angry. I can't do anything other than laugh because if I show emotion, especially the one I want, it won't end well and I'll end up being kicked out or something. But she also has an issue with me laughing with everything she says (which I would too, but I don't know how else to react). I can't believe a damn thing she says, which I thought I didn't before, but now it's so... open, is the best descriptive word I can say. I'm not exactly sure how else to describe it.
What do I do? I'm reeling. I made an appt with my therapist on Thursday but I realized today is MONDAY. I'm not sure if I can do this til Thursday.
I am not allowing myself to dive through more memories bc who knows what else I'll uncover.
Do I tell her I know? Would it help, would it make it worse? How do I stop myself from reacting to every little thing she says. I cringe and shiver even she says she loves me. It's a big physical reaction. Same when she tries the desperate thing. I can't help but laugh. I have to because otherwise I'd scream or end up sobbing. What do I do?
Has anyone been in this situation?? I need help.
I am so sorry if this does not make sense. I work overnight and haven't slept more than 2 hrs in two days. If I didn't answer something or you have questions about something, let me know and I'll answer. I need help on how to move on from this. Thank you in advance.

Hello! This is my first post, so happy to have found this sub because I’m learning so much. Decided to post because I really need your thoughts and advice.
I grew up in a middle class fam & under super financially illiterate parents. When I was younger, feel ko nasa rich kami but because my parents (my dad for the most part) didn’t invest and save money, at the moment living paycheck to paycheck lang talaga. My parents (both 50) earn a combined ~120-130k net monthly income; mom is a Nurse, dad is a contractual govt employee that pays fairly well. Yun nga lang problema, they both never figured out communicating about money. The easiest way I can put it is that my dad earns fairly well but does not give a lot minsan pahirapan pa hingan and nagagalit pa, my mom naman would rather loan and be in debt to others than be open to my dad sa mga kailangan bayaran for fear na pagagalitan lang siya ng papa. TL/DR, because of 1844829 financial mistakes, I think it’s safe to say we’re one medical bill away from poverty.
As for me, I (F23) just graduated last year, passed my boards and now about to start on my first job as a Nurse in a govt hosp. I’m not a breadwinner, but there’s this unspoken expectation of me helping out sa bills soon kasi lalong lalaki na bayarin. I have 3 sisters: 2 college, isang junior high, all in private schools. Okay naman ako with helping out, may konting fear lang na maging retirement daughter pero that’s another problem for another day 🤣 ang iniisip ko nalang, better for my mom to reach out to me for help than keep ballooning our debts.
So this is the part where I would love to hear your thoughts.
Since my mom works at the hospital, free yung annual comprehensive checkups nya and when we need diagnostics & labs, free din kami. Kapag may hospitalizations, free din kasi sa govt naman. I had a surgery 3 years ago, pero since kilala ng mama ko yung ortho surgeon, na waive lang yung PF. Konti lang ata nabayadan. But I can’t help but wonder hanggang kailan tong ganitong safety net? I’m thankful for it but paano kung magretire na mama ko or anything that will stop us from accessing the free healthcare na dahil sa connections ng mom ko?
Gusto ko talaga magkaroon ng health insurance. Di ko pa ata afford buong pamilya ko (2 parents, 3 sisters) pero siguro the least I can include are my parents who are getting older na.
My question lang: in this whole process of starting to manage and build my money,

1. When should I get a health insurance? Do I build my EF first before saving up for an insurance or can I build my EF + save up and eventually pay for insurance?
2. What type of insurance should I get? I took the interactive flowchart and ended up with “get an HMO/health insurance” but I also want to hear your thoughts. Also read about life insurance but super confused pa ako sa difference, have to learn it pa.
3. Any recos for insurance na pwede ko isali parents ko?

Some few points lang siguro for you to help me out: - I will earn ~ 36k a month, di ko pa alam magkano max including benefits - I have philhealth, Mom has philheath and dependents pa yung 3 kong kapatid. Papa has philhealth pero parang di na nababayaran. - I’m relatively healthy, high cholesterol lang for now ang problem 😂 - Dad is prediabetic and scarily obese, very high risk for heart diseases. I feel like cancer is also prominent sa dad’s side ko. My lola had brain cancer, and a distant lola died of breast CA. - Mom’s side ko prevalent ang heart diseases and Diabetes. Mom currently has an abnormal ecg reading, hypertensive, and high in cholesterol.
Kung hindi pa obvious, I’m really all new to this. As much as I love my parents, they really did so bad taking care of their money and ayoko magaya sakanila. Please help me out.
Thank you!

I got my AS in respiratory therapy back in 2010. The program I went to was one of the toughest, today places in top 10%. There were times I remember thinking I would get booted out because it was so rough. I had to study twice as hard as most, and placed about in the middle of test scores.
I wound up only working for a year before having kids and becoming a SAHM. Long story short, hopped back to work a couple years ago- but I let my respiratory license expire and forgot everything after 10 years. I got the course material and studied 8hrs a day for about 2 months/passed/re-instated my license.
I developed some pretty bad health anxiety (perfect for my degree eh?) and went back to work with insurance. I worked up the ladder a bit, and am working in our local hospital system with providers/insurance work. In order to get any farther, i see job openings requiring a BS in health or business needed. I love what I do now, and want to advance in my new career.
I can take a test with multiple choice, but I haven’t written a paper since high school, everything I have done is science based and no projects. I don’t think I’m dumb, but I’m not that smart. I finish last on tests, and score about in the middle. I’m wondering if I can do this, and in 2 terms if possible. Are there enough resources to help with classes etc?

I don't open up problems to people around me even though I know that there are some who would be willing to listen. So dito nalang muna ako magpapakawala ng frustration.
I'm a person who doesn't want any beef with anyone as much as possible and I can't sleep knowing that someone felt bad because of me. So habang nagiisip pa ako kung papaano ko sasabihin frankly sa isa kong tropa na pathological liar and a heavily driven user of people, na I'm fed up with letting his lies slide and I'm done pretending to be naive and I wanted to cut our friendship ties na, pa vent off muna dito. It's been too mentally toxic for me already. Never have I thought I'd meet someone and eventually be in my circle for years who lives and breathes as a bullshit artist. I always knew he's like that, others in our circle know he's that kind. All in his other circle know that.
Madali lang naman sana eh kung hindi dahil sa put***inang pagkabuhol-buhol sa negosyo.
We are business partners. I know, antangatanga ko din. You got me, and I won't defend myself from that. But he was a friend needing help at that time. So I financed the whole thing and used my highly valued skills to build and maintain it. But public knowledge is that we financed it squarely. He doesn't want everyone to know I solely financed it because this guy's got a fvkn ego as huge as Burj Khalifa -- I agreed. Business is food. Deal was, we'll locate the business in their property and as soon as we rake in consistent profits, we'll slowly return my capital. Then subsequent profits, we'll split 50/50. Fortunately, business slightly blew up. I did get my capital back. Thereafter I trusted him with the numbers and the papers. Biz is under sole proprietorship and let him print his name on it because I tend to travel far regularly. I get to monitor the sales naman real time with an online POS. I initiated the financial sheets for him to maintain manually. IT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE. I relied on his casual updates, on how the general fitness of the busines goes. For the past few months I always get a fckn sad and disappointed face together with a bad news that it's been rough lately and saying we're just breaking even for months now. I opened the sheets yesterday after almost a year of not checking on them and I can see so much bullshit in it as clear as day. I can spot them with one eye closed. It's like a robbery done by a child. Well to be fair, this guy is not really smart. In a lot of ways he's bobo. He thinks he's street smart at ma diskarte but there's a more fitting word to call it for his case -- EGO. He thinks hes's got the flair of bobo but madiskarte. But IQ and other intellectual traits, zilch. When I saw all the discrepancies, I couldn't contain my laughter because it was too funny that he might think he did a great job playing with the numbers. Spotting the bullshit in it was childsplay. But fun didn't last long. I feel brutally betrayed. I knew naman talaga na there was so much risk. Also, I always knew how fckn dark his attitude, his ways, and mindset is. It's just that, he needed help that I agreed to team up. But now, he's become a huge turd I want to wash away as thorough as possible.
He also always likes to make stories and scenarios up where he would sound and look great. He's basically self-feeding his ego. He always presents himself to everyone that he had reached these and those kind of fictional achievements, unsolicitedly blowing his own horn at strange and random times. Probably a coping mechanism because admittedly, he knows that he's a person with no talent, no skills, no intelligence, and just PURE BULLSHIT.

Open to hearing from anyone else in the automotive industry as well. Or any other blue collar trade, for that matter.
I spent a few years in automotive shops as a tech, before I went full time into software development. I dealt with several different DMS systems and related softwares. The ones I dealt with were either clunky, slow, or just not user friendly. They worked, and they did their job, but that was about it. I spent a lot of time brainstorming about what I could do differently if i were to build one of these systems.
I know there's several big players in the space when it comes to independent shop systems, like Mitchell1 and AllData, and I know they do their jobs pretty well. But I'm also fully aware these options don't work for everyone. I have a buddy who runs a small shop that I've talked to about this. I've read the complaints of others as well.
I want to hear the perspective of some other shop owners and other people in the auto industry. Do you like the software options you have? What do they do well, and what do you wish they could do differently? Is there a market out there for custom shop management system development, or custom integrations? Or even another SaaS option?
Also, what kind of caveats do I run into if I do build one of these systems? I know a full scale DMS system would require a larger team than I have, a lot of time, and manufacturer approvals, but a full DMS isn't really on my radar right now.

Here is the second half of a science fiction short story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Vzy1Q0TUYmcS7ue2n--UBeAohbE6Z7PII3Cl1wATj00/edit?usp=sharing
I am not sure what the standard way is for someone to have just the second half of a story reviewed here but what I'll do is tell you the basic plot that has come before, then provide a link to the first half just in case you'd like to read the thing as a whole
Our story so far:
IN A WORLD set in an alternate near-future, where it has become routine and accepted for people to allow "Seeds" to take over their lives "body-snatchers" style, Thomas came home to find out his wife Maria had undergone this process without talking to him about it first. He was pretty upset (even though this process has become quite widespread and open and the public value is to simply accept it as a valid choice towards self-improvement (the body-snatchers are a little better at everything than normal humans), this doesn't mean everybody's perfectly happy about it all the time or is immediately ready on a dime to come to grips with the deep question of whether their loved one is now dead or not), and they argued. But they settled into a quiet routine in the following days, just going about their respective jobs and living around each other (divorce would have been gauche in a case like this, and legally they still owned the home together so, live together they did.) She spent this time quietly waiting for him maybe to come around. He spent the time sulking, and half-consciously processing the fact that he wasn't, technically, mourning.
It's important to note that these entities are called "Newborns," and up to this point in the story, in his thoughts and words Thomas (the PoV character) has only thought of this Newborn as "the Newborn," "it," "the Maria thing," things like that. I think sometimes "she" as well, but never by the name of his wife. The story up to this point doesn't make a big point about this, it's just the facts.
Special Concerns
Oh I've got special concerns. Real special concerns. But asking about them right this moment would actually mess with a reader's ability to approach the story as it is and with a natural reaction, so I reserve the right to ask about my special concerns in replies.
With that said, one thing I cannot cannot cannot get the hang of is naming this story. I'm open to advice on that front for sure!
Stories I critiqued:
1976: https://www.reddit.com/DestructiveReaders/comments/1cp4rrz/1976_memory_of_a_crow/
120: https://www.reddit.com/DestructiveReaders/comments/1cr1o8n/120_time_villanelle/
The COMPLETE story this is taken from, which you SHOULD NOT critique as a whole as this post is ONLY about the second half, is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dz4frenCBzAZPiqywQgC5ndDjOK2zy9ND6INyLwZMMI/edit