I'm scared that I'm completely losing myself or being emotionally manipulated in my relationship. (1 yr together, known each other for 10). My partner (29 M) supports me in my self care & work & hobbies & loves to boost me up, but he also frequently tells me things I've done wrong. I'd always rather he be honest about his feelings, but i feel like it's very frequent. Something comes up at least twice a month where he says he doesn't feel listened to or valued or "like a partner" in our relationship and things blow up. This has happened for 3 months now. Before this i dated someone for 4 years who was very reserved, so I got used to feeling very needy - therefore, I have a lot of empathy for needing love and affection and I try to make his needs met. I have tried really hard to fix previous tangible concerns like letting him know when I'll be away from my phone for a while or making changes to not be late to things. We have had some really good strides where I've been able to tell him my needs more or own up to my small failings. But the last 72 hours have been a nightmare even with my growth and progress. I'm sorry this post is lengthy but I'll try my best to explain the current situation:
Sunday my bf slept through his brother coming to visit on accident. He woke up and texted me and said he was spiraling a bit about feeling bad about it and would be okay but just needed a "5" to show him I was there. (this is supposed to be a call back to us saying I love you 5 ever in the past)
I didn't see his text for 30 minutes and then told him l was soo sorry I didn't see this sooner and that I was really sorry he slept through his alarm and missed that, but his body must have needed rest. He said it's okay, it's just my brother.
We spoke for 40 minutes about mothers day and other stuff and then he said "hey you never sent a 5" and I said "oh shoot, 5". It then was shared that it really upset him that I hadn't read and replied to that part of his text. It made him feel not listened to, he said, that I chose to reply how I wanted instead of doing what he asked for. I apologized and also said sorry I didn't say a 5 sooner and that I wish I had seen his text and sent a 5 right away. He got upset that I was apologizing for not texting him right away. He said apologizing for the thing he's not even upset about (not replying for 30 minutes) takes away his agency and takes away from him feeling heard.
He then explained it wasn't fully about the 5 - it was that it hurt that I didn't ask more about his feelings and just changed the topic after he said "it's okay". I think sometimes I forget people say "it's okay" to try to be strong when really they want to talk about their feelings. He emphasized he wished I had asked about his feelings and I said I definitely should have and need to be better about asking more follow up if he opens up and says he's spiraling.
I apologized a ton Sunday night and called him and cried to him on the phone about how much I cared and how much I didn't want to hurt him. He told me it was going to be okay and he even told me he felt loved and cared about. He showed appreciation when I took accountability and I said things like "I totally see how it made you feel not heard that I didnt do a small thing you asked for" and "I really should have followed up by asking more about your feelings or why you were spiraling".
Monday he got upset again once he woke up and said I was defensive yesterday and it hurt and that I talk at him and not with him (I did get defensive a bit by saying things like "I didn't know you weren't still okay and I took it at face value when you said you were okay" or saying "I told you I know I messed up and I shouldn't have ignored you opening up to me" when he brought up again how hurt he felt. But sometimes he repeated how hurt he was and how he wished I would hold myself accountable. So I would at times get defensive by saying "well I tried telling you that I'm sorry I ____"
I didn't know what to keep saying besides sorry and that I messed up. I tried keeping my answers brief after he said i was making things about myself (being emotional in my guilt) because i didnt want to risk monopolizing the conversation. Then he told me I really hurt him because he shared 2 paragraphs about how hurt he was and I gave a 10 word answer. I apologized multiple times for my 10 word answer. I said I only kept it short to keep the focus on him. He said it felt like I wasn't even trying. I tried asking what else he needs or what I could do to help and he told me I'm just Asking "out of self preservation". Then when I said I wish I knew what I could do to help he said "did you ask". Three different times when I said I wish I could make him feel better or things like I am trying to give thoughtful answers he would say "did you ask" and then I would say "ask what?" And get frustrated when he didn't give me a straight answer. When I got upset for not getting an answer to my question, he said I was making it about me again.
At some point he asked for examples of me asking accountability. I sent screenshots of when I said I messed up and hurt him and I should've done differently and he got upset and said "those are from yesterday and don't impact how I feel today". I tried taking accountability again today in multiple sentences. He seemed grateful that I did and was glad to hear me list the things I messed up and take the blame for. But then when I brought up something i was hoping we could still do (a surprise party for him) he got really upset and said I was only thinking about what I wanted (to see him and get him to the surpise) instead of what he wanted (to not go out). This led to him skipping his own surprise party yesterday. It was so embarrassing because I didn't know how to explain why he wouldn't come with me (I was supposed to be the one to bring him to the surprise) and his friend ended up making up that he got too wasted beforehand. Even since the party he has only said how his wishes feel ignored and he never wanted a surprise party (I guess a misfire but his friends really wanted to do the party so I went along). No apology for not even coming.
A chunk of yesterdays convo, word for word: M: "I felt so small when you gave me a 10 word response I felt like I didn't explain enough or wasn't good enough . And to not really have a response, it hurt me so bad."
F: "I'm sorry for hurting you so much and giving so small of a response. I'm really sorry for the things I did to make you feel small."
M: "thats not what I'm worried about or bothers me"
F: "What are you worried about or bothered by? You shared it Made you feel small when I sent a 10 word response, so I thought that was a part of the problem."
M: "Not really related and makes me feel worse about getting the love I need/want"
F: "i don't understand. You brought up how much hurt you and how low it made you feel, how is it not related?"
M: "Did you ask?"
F: "I'm asking now"
M: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you being hurt negated everything I've felt?"
F: "What? Where did I say I'm hurt?"
M: "You're asking a question so you could feel good or secure but I dont feel I'm afforded the same"
A seperate convo chunk later that day:
M: i spend so much energy and get so little in return. When I reach out and ask for help everything gets focused on how you felt. When do I matter?
F: I'm sorry. I hope you can get to feel like you matter now. I have been trying to do what you need and put very little focus on myself and I'll keep trying
M: If you can't try or listen to what I'm saying or asking for just leave me alone and make this whole situation easier. I'm exhausted and tired from giving you grace and somehow things always focus back on you.
_--- Then In several texts asked him if he explain how things kept coming back to me and he said the focus just keeps coming back to me.because I won't take accountability. He is embarrassed and doesn't feel good enough. Because I don't show him support when he needs it and don't show i care in the ways he wants or needs the way he supports me when I'm low.
F; I'm sorry and I wish I had afforded you the same. I'm trying to give thoughtful answers, sorry if they have to be short because I'm at work. Can you explain how you feel like the focus has been coming back to me in today's convo.
M: did you ask?
F: ask what? How did I make the focus on me?
M: dude we aren't doing this again
F: dude I asked for clarification becuase I don't get your question
M: It's not about you. I don't think you're ready or capable of loving me the way I want or need. I feel like I've given you grace and afforded you the space to make or acknowledge mistakes. I can't keep begging to be heard and feel like I'm overreacting or misunderstood. It's fine to ask for clarification, but when you do it hijacks the conversation and we never revist what I said.
F: because I don't get an answer so it's hard to revisit the topic when I'm still confused
M: I'm sorry , I didn't realize that me spiraling or being in a bad place was only continued because you didn't get a response. This isn't about you.
I want to get him to couples therapy because I care about him SO much and he has a really big heart and a good soul. But once he feels hurt, it's like he's stuck being the victim and can't see how horribly irrational our conversations are going. I am not perfect at conflict either - I get defensive if he keeps talking about being hurt, and I end up crying a lot to him about how bad I feel for hurting, and sometimes he has to help me calm me down from my intense crying over the problem I caused, which is draining for him. But I think at least in this case he is really stuck in a victim complex where he isnt doing any wrong and I'm not doing much right to him. I genuinely feel like therapy could really help, and that the couples therapy would support my individual therapy working on defensiveness and emotional control. I want to support him, but I'm nervous to just outright ask for it. What do I do? How could I ease into the topic?
TL;DR: Although I have tried to be very patient and take accountability there are a lot of things I do that hurt my boyfriend. I have worked on improve some concrete things but our most recent conflict (detailed above) has me feeling anxious and lost because I try taking accountability throughout but he is still upset no matter what I say. I don't think he knows how to handle conflict and I'm not perfect at it either but i am very willing to name everything I do wrong and try to change it. I want to suggest couples therapy so he can see we can both do better. Not sure how.

Greetings everyone. I hope this sort of post isn't becoming a nuisance on this sub by now, but I'm trying to start off at the right foot here with the game and I figured this is probably the best place to look. As you can probably guess I'm here cause of the release of the simulator.
To be completely clear, I'm not really a big Digimon fan (I watched a good number of the series when I was younger but never to completion and I was never a "digimon kid" if that makes sense). But I really love TCGs in general and my best friend is a big digimon nerd so that's how I ended up here. A year or so ago he bought two starter decks and we played a few games and I found it intriguing enough to keep it in mind (and to be clear, my best friend also has little to not Digimon TCG experience since no real opportunities to play irl).
As far as TCGs in general go I dabbled in pretty much everything and anything and have given most a try here and there (given they were accessible) though my main and go to by far is Yugioh. I assume some people here who play Digimon also play Yugioh so I'm brining it up as a reference point in terms of what my general experience is. I should probably also note that I'm really into Yugioh and how it's designed and why it's the one TCG I stuck with more than pretty much all other combined that I've ever tried.
I read up on the rules for the Digimon TCG and well, decided to just jump into it since I prefer to learn by playing. Over the last few days I did some 20-30 games against bots and maybe 5 or so real games with half a dozen different decks or so. The decks in question I got from the Digimon Card Meta site, Specifically the BT15 ENG Tournament decks.
My experience in general was mostly feeling like most decks wanted me to play a lot more aggro than is my preferred playstyle and a lot of their mechanics/strategies revolved around enabling/rewarding said playstyle above most other aspects. Before I continue I should probably emphasize that this is me coming in with low experience and just feeling around trying to find a playstyle and deck type that clicks with me, for all I know I was horribly misplaying most/all of these.
For reference the decks I tried were:

• Gaomon: Felt like one of the better decks to play where everything had an okay payoff, though the gameplan did seem a bit one note overall
  
• Rosemon: Felt very similar to Gaomon to me but with a less smooth climb to the big boss Digimon compared to Gaomon.
  
• Red Hybrid: I didn't fully get this one, it always felt like my hand was slightly mismatched/like I was missing a piece somewhere to fully benefit from all the effects that came up. May very well be just me sucking/luck of the draw as I did get a general sense of how it works tho.
  
• ShineGreymon: It was... okay. Definitely falls into the "a bit too aggro/OTK focused" bin for my taste but it also had a fair number of removal effects, not my favourite but overall okay.
  
• Loogamon: I honestly feel like I just need to play this more, cause like with Red Hybrid it felt like the pieces just weren't clicking together with how I played and what hands I was getting.
  
• Soc Police/Brigade: I have no idea if I'm about to make a lot of people laugh and if this is some insane clueless noob take, but holy crap I love this deck so much. I am sexually attracted to Brigadramon. Amazing feeling grind game, lots of really good non evolution tech digimon to plop down on the field depending on the board and once Brigadramon hits the field it feels borderline impossible to lose unless your opponent outs it asap.
  

It's BY FAR the closest deck I played to what I ideally wanna be doing in the game. Control the game state and slowly shut down my opponent while grinding them out on the resource front. Again, these might all be just my first impressions and completely naive/clueless takes but I'd really love to hear if there's more decks that play something like this.
Aside from the deck recommendations I wanted to ask a few things:

1. How safe is it to make my own deck? Like can I have a look, find a high level digimon I really like and then reverse engineer the rest of the deck around them? I'm not looking for 100% meta stuff, but like rogue-ish decks that can compete and steal games. Basically just stuff that won't feel miserable to play against any sort of competent deck.
   
2. Is there some in depth guide about best practices in regards to crucial decisions in the game? Stuff like what the general mulligan philosophy is or best MP management (right now I plan most/all of my turns around leaving my opp at 1 or 2 MP without necessarily considering other approaches unless I can get to a very obvious win con by going above that).
   

Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for your time.

I moved in yesterday and it was the biggest disaster i’ve ever dealt with on a move in day. my mom had to be my co-signed bc my credit is shit and she had been coordinating for a week with the leasing agent who showed me the apartment I was supposedly moving into. well, the things that she promised my mom didn’t happen. and yes it is partially my fault as well but let’s get to the point. when I first got there I was made to wait for over thirty minutes. no biggie I had nothing else to do. as we’re signing paperwork she is kind of snarky and a little rude. she had a maintenance man go check the apartment before I was given the keys (spoiler alert she didn’t even look at the apartment before I signed the apartment). he comes back and says the only repair needed is the fan above the stove is broken but will be repaired by the next day. whatever ok. she also tells me the flooring in my apartment has been upgraded and i’ll love it bc it looks so modern and nice. cool! and the she hands me my key fobs and sends me on my way.
I ask where I’m supposed to go and she points me in a general direction. I’m lost within two minutes but tell myself it’s no biggie and I can figure it out. the complex uses key fobs for everything. gates, door to get in the apartment, mailbox, etc. I can’t figure out the gate but finally do and make it up the stairs to my apartment.
when I walk into the apartment there’s small dead bugs literally everywhere on the floor. I start doing my checklist so I can turn it into the office and notice there’s a HUGE crack in the quartz countertop that looks to be filled in with caulk (terribly done btw), a huge stain on the dishwasher (that I later try to scrub and it doesn’t come off), and the fan in the bathroom doesn’t work. whatever, i’ll add it to the list of things needed repaired and turn it in. again no biggie I’ve had way worse apartments.
I have in unit laundry and when I went to check the washer it smelled SO BAD. so I decided to put laundry soap in and run a cycle on self clean. well, halfway through sweeping and mopping my apartment my washer leaks. so I call and ask if someone can come check it out.
someone does come and tells me when they were installing the new floors yesterday they did not hook the washer back up. not only is my new flooring soaked but he tore up the vinyl so badly that the water has soaked the flooring below it and now I’m worried about mold. I leave the apartment for a couple minutes to update my mom and come back to him leaving with a mop and bucket and him telling me the flooring would be fixed in the morning.
I go and check it out and it’s literally like he did not clean any of the water out from behind the washer and dryer before he mopped in front of it… so I call again and they say they will fix it with the flooring in the morning. bad on my part to come without a big towel I guess but I def should have.
now at this point I’m frustrated between everything not working and trying to set up wifi and being told i’ll need to spend $100 for a tech to come out when I was told that I could set this up by myself. not important but just adds to the frustration of the day!
she calls the girl who leased me the apartment and the girl just doesn’t say anything when my mom is asking why I wasn’t shown the apartment before signing and why the apartment has so many problems. the girl insists she did a walk through and knew all the problems the apartment had and was insistent that they would get fixed (spoiler she admitted she did not do a walk through after my mom asked her if she actually knew what was wrong with the apartment) and instead she receives an email a couple hours later that everything will be replaced. washedryer, flooring, dishwasher with huge stain, and countertop if the crack in it is still visible after they try to repair it.
I’m just frustrated. this was supposed to be a new beginning after having a shitty roommate. today I’m supposed to go into the office with a list of things the leasing agent promised to fix and have her sign it and I’m really just wondering if anyone thinks I need to do more regarding it all actually get fixed? I have no family besides my boyfriend who live in the same state as me. my mom literally lives five states away and so this falls onto me responsibility wise and it obviously needs fixed. advice please?

Part 14.3

Heracles VS Lernaean Hydra

Author Note: I was thinking about it and I really wish that GT9 used more draconic symbolism throughout the story when (or if) I revisit Team Crowley VS Rosencreutz I'll have symbolism of Aleister (TheBeast666), Aiwass (Codename: DRAGON) and Coronzon (The Dragon of the Abyss) all have symbology of them being Dragons preying on a God/Hero like CRC and the reversed conflict of Chaos VS Order you see in mythology, I also wanted to achieve something similar with Kakine Teitoku as he can represent the Fallen Angel and the Seraphim but for now I'll try adding draconian symbolism into Gunha VS CRC.
True Expert Christian Rosencreutz, with his golden rosy cross sword, clashed relentlessly against the indomitable force of the Strongest Gemstone, Sogiita Gunha. With each clash of their powers, the air crackled and compressed, and the pavement trembled beneath.
CRC, observed Sogiita with a mixture of intrigue and disdain. "You fight like the legendary Heracles," he remarked, his voice carrying over the din of battle. "But know this, I am the Lernaean Hydra, and no matter how many heads you sever, I shall always rise again!" Rosencreutz roared to slice the #7’s midsection.
Sogiita, his entire body wreathed in unknowable energy, met CRC's blade unyielding. "Bring it on, old man!" he retorted, his voice brimming with confidence. "I'll knock you down as many times as it takes! I won't stop till you come to your senses and remember your roots, like the roses you love so much, Rosencreutz!!"
Their clash intensified, that old man’s higher dimensional sword colliding with the raw power of that boy’s fists and kicks as they pushed each other to their limits with each sword swing, punch, kick and flash.
Sogiita unleashed a barrage of punches, each strike carrying the force of a meteor, while that silver young man countered: he wielded his sword in his right hand and released impacts followed by white light that was enough to previously take down all of The Bridge Builders Cabal.
As the battle raged on, the very fabric of reality seemed to warp and shift around them, bearing witness to the titanic struggle between two unparalleled forces.
The founder of Rosicrucianism who intimidated reality itself to obey his will and that Gemstone with an unstable personal reality that could change on a whim.
The atmosphere crackled with electrifying distortion.
Sogiita's fists tore through the air with the ferocity of meteors, their velocity enhanced by his ability to adapt and accelerate, surpassing even CRC's speed. As each blow was released, the friction with the surrounding air molecules ignited a scorching heat, intensifying the impact.
The rapid movement of molecules generated an escalating thermal energy, causing the air to seethe with increasing temperature. It was akin to a tempest of incandescent projectiles hurtling towards CRC, their speed surpassing the limits of human perception.
It was like a storm of brilliant fiery arrows was fired at Rosencreutz.
These blazing arrows of force were reminiscent of the elusive strikes employed by the Rose & Cross Leader, ignoring distance with deceptive agility.
With each thunderous punch, that bandana boy sought to overpower his adversary through sheer kinetic force, his unwavering resolve palpable in every motion.
But that wasn't enough for this superhuman.
CRC, wielding his cross sword with precision and skill, deflected each and every one Sogiita's flaming arrows with calculated strikes of his own. Each impact unleashed a burst of blinding white light, sending shockwaves rippling through the chaotic city.
"You think brute strength alone will defeat me?" the silver man taunted, his voice cutting through the chaos of battle. "You may be strong, but strength without strategy is nothing but raw power wasted."
Sogiita grinned, his confidence unshaken. "Strategies for cowards who can't handle a real fight," he retorted, his voice ringing with defiance. "I'll K.O. you with my fists and guts alone!!!!"
Rosencreutz's eyes narrowed as he parried another of Sogiita's punches. "Your arrogance will be your downfall," he warned, his tone tinged with certainty. "I may not match your overall speed, but I have something you lack: intellect and precision.”
Christian Rosencreutz then plunged his cross sword into the ground.
"This is what harmed Kamijou Touma," he declared, grinning and unleashing a torrent of lethal invisible attacks from his outstretched palms.
However, the #7 countered with a relentless barrage of flaming arrows from the thermal aftershock of his punches.
Each strike akin to a particle accelerator in its intensity and speed. That Gemstone was the particles being fired on the right and that True Expert was the particles fired on the left.
As the attacks clashed, the battlefield became a spectacle of raw power and precision.
“Roar!” CRC held his open palm to his mouth and blew gently on the tip of the middle finger.
That was all it took for a blaze easily outdoing a flamethrower to rush out. And this was not just any fire. It fed on the power of a ley line and stole vitality from space itself. This overwhelming mass of light and heat was wielded for no other purpose than to take lives. Anyone who tried to survive it using simple composite armor or special fibers would dry up and burn away in less than a second.
But that wouldn't kill another superhuman would it?
Of course not.
“Aaaaarghhhh!!!!” screamed the #7.
Some assaults bypassed the fray entirely, slipping through the chaos like elusive particles in a collider.
A smokescreen.
Those brilliant fireworks from hell weren't meant to take Sogiita’s life. They were meant to disrupt the Gemstone's senses and sight so he couldn't counter all of that old man’s deadly attacks.
Invisible strikes found their mark on that Gemstone, and the searing arrows of the arrows scorched Rosencreutz.
CRC was wounded but he rejected to make any whimpers. Instead with a sudden burst of velocity, the young silver man picked up his cross sword from the ground and launched a flurry of strikes, cutting at the #7’s body with pinpoint accuracy.
His arms, his head, his face, his stomach, his legs, his midsection, his back.
Each blow landed with devastating force, causing Sogiita to stagger back under the onslaught.
If that bandana boy hadn't had his defenses and general stats raised by the #5 he’d be cut to pieces.
The #7 fell on his back.
"There's a fire," Sogiita declared, his voice ringing out amidst the chaos of battle.
With each attempt to break his spirit, Sogiita's resolve only grew stronger, fueling the flames of his determination. "Every time someone tries to make me give up, it's like wind feeding my flames, making them burn even brighter just like my punches," he explained, his words carrying the weight of his unwavering determination.
He refused to stay down.
With a roar of defiance, Sogiita surged forward once more, his movements blurring with speed as he disappeared from view. In the blink of an eye, he reappeared behind Christian Rosencreutz, catching the magician off guard.
"Hey, old man," Sogiita taunted, his voice filled with confidence as he seized Rosencreutz from behind.
Christian Rosencreutz's eyes widened in surprise as he realized he had been outmaneuvered.
As Sogiita Gunha faced off against Christian Rosencreutz in their airborne duel, he felt the flames of determination burning within him, driving him forward with unstoppable force.
Before he could react, the boy lifted him effortlessly and slammed him onto the pavement below with a resounding thud.
"I'm not just a kick-boxer!!" Sogiita sang.
As the impact reverberated through the air, the young silver man let out a pained cry. The force of the collision compressed the surrounding air, heating it up until it crackled with energy. Christian Rosencreutz's head struck the ground with a velocity equivalent to mach 20, igniting his body in flames upon impact.
This move is called a suplex.
Struggling to regain his bearings, Rosencreutz muttered in a daze, "The House of the Holy Spirit...the seven walls..."
"You said it yourself, didn't you?" the gutsy boy retorted, cocky. "My power and my guts can break through your impenetrable walls. And I can spread those same guts to the world around me."
With a grimace, Christian Rosencreutz acknowledged the truth of the boy's words. "Your uncontrolled AIM field grants you the ability to imbue non-organic objects with the properties of your virus," he observed, his voice tinged with begrudging admiration. "Allowing them to bypass even the defenses of the seven-walled tomb.”
"A virus? Don't be so gutless, CRC," the #7 retorted, his voice filled with defiance. "This battleground ruled by wills is a two-way road between you and me."
Christian Rosencreutz raised an eyebrow at the boy's words. "Hey Gemstone, you could've killed me if I weren't a superhuman with an idealized body that accomplished The Great Work and crossed the Ungrund, what then short-stack?" he questioned while fitting an insult against his height.
Even without the seven-walled tomb or sheets of diamonds Rosencreutz was cartoonishly durable.
"Sorry, old man," Sogiita replied, his tone tinged with annoyance. "I might've gotten carried away, but I know it'll take more than that to kill you. No matter how many heads you regrow, like Hydra, I will not give up until I've completed all my labors."
"Mhm, so you do know your mythology," CRC remarked, a hint of amusement in his voice. "The Lernaean Hydra, or simply Hydra, is a serpentine lake monster in Greek and Roman mythology. Its lair was the lake of Lerna in the Argolid, known as an entrance to the Underworld. In the canonical myth, the monster is slain by Heracles as part of his Twelve Labors."
"Yeah, I know," Sogiita replied confidently. "I studied the tales of great gutsy heroes in school.”
"So, short-stack," Christian Rosencreutz began, his voice carrying a hint of scholarly interest. “Have you ever considered the parallels between our battle and ancient Near Eastern religions?”
Sogiita listened intently. "Are you saying you see yourself as a god of war or a hunter?" he inquired.
CRC chuckled softly. "In a sense, indeed. We are both assuming roles in this grand theater, are we not? I, the Hydra, and you, Heracles."
He continued, "Consider the Second Labor of Heracles. Eurystheus, the king of Tiryns, sent Heracles to slay the Hydra, which Hera had raised specifically to defeat him. Heracles approached the swamp near Lake Lerna, where the Hydra dwelled. To protect himself from the poisonous fumes, he covered his mouth and nose with a cloth and shot flaming arrows into the Hydra's lair, causing it to emerge and terrorize the surrounding villages."
CRC paused, drawing a comparison. “In our own clash, the flaming arrows that Heracles hurled at the Hydra find their echo in your lightning-fast fists, generating shockwaves that ignite the air with their speed and force. It's as though each strike of yours is akin to shooting a flaming arrow, much like Heracles did.”
“Huh? Are you suggesting we're caught in a time loop? That some enigmatic group, like the Bridge Builders Cabal, manipulated events to resurrect you, pitting us against each other in a timeless struggle? I've never met them, and I'm certainly no child of Zeus. Are you implying that our battle will be distorted into a Greek legend by a meddling time traveler?!” frantically asked the boy.
“No, no, you simpleton. This world contains synchronicities. In Sumerian, Babylonian, and Assyrian mythology, the war and hunting god Ninurta was celebrated for his deeds. The Angim credited him with slaying eleven monsters during an expedition to the mountains, including a seven-headed serpent, possibly identical to the Mushmahhu, and Bashmu, whose constellation was later associated with the Hydra by the Greeks. In Babylonian contexts, the Hydra's constellation is also linked to Marduk's dragon, the Mushhushshu.”
“Uhhh….” That shounen boy was dumbfounded.
"Hhm, I suppose calling it a time loop isn't technically wrong," Christian Rosencreutz began, his tone measured. "I'll break it down from history class and reconstruct it through the lens of the occult. Historic recurrence, young Gemstone, is the phenomenon of events echoing throughout time. Whether it's the rise and fall of empires or the repetitive cycles within a single society, it's all part of this grand plan that was decided when Adam ate the forbidden fruit."
The #7 with his guard up but curious listened: "So, history just keeps repeating itself? Just a series of coincidences?"
Christian Rosencreutz shook his head sagely. "There is no such thing as coincidences. Take, for instance, the Doctrine of Eternal Recurrence, pondered upon by thinkers like Heinrich Heine and Friedrich Nietzsche. While it's said that 'history repeats itself,' it's not quite that simple. Rather, these recurrences stem from identifiable circumstances and chains of causality."
He continued, his voice carrying the weight of centuries of philosophical debate. "Consider the phenomenon of multiple independent discoveries in science or the reproducible findings in natural and social sciences. These recurrences, whether in the form of rigorous experimentation or comparative research, are vital to our understanding of the world."
Christian Rosencreutz paused, allowing the weight of his words to sink in. "G.W. Trompf, in his seminal work, The Idea of Historical Recurrence in Western Thought, illustrates the recurring patterns of political thought and behavior since ancient times. Through these patterns, history offers us invaluable lessons, often leading to a sense of resonance or déjà vu."
Their words reverberated like a challenge to destiny itself, a testament to their unyielding determination in the face of adversity.
That Gemstone didn't surrender his characteristic fervor. "History echoing through time, huh? It's like the universe itself is stuck on repeat, and we're just caught in the cycle. But you know what? If history's gonna keep looping, then let's break the pattern! Let's smash through those chains of causality and forge our own path. Who cares about déjà vu? We'll create something entirely new, something that'll shake the very foundations of this world and we’ll do it with guts!!!" He defied that silver monster.
But Rosencreutz wasn't finished. He pulled out his Crystal World Map.
The supposedly old man listened intently to that boy's impassioned response, his expression inscrutable behind his clairvoyant card. After a moment of contemplation, he spoke.
“Gemstone, you speak of breaking free from the chains of repetition, of forging a new destiny against the backdrop of eternal return. It is a noble aspiration, indeed. However, consider this: eternal return is not merely a philosophical concept or a whimsical notion of fate. It is the very fabric of existence, woven into the nature of time itself.” He pressed his finger on the Miniature Garden and a 3D holographic projection flew out—
“In ancient times, the Stoics grappled with the idea, seeing in it both a sense of cosmic order and a challenge to individual agency. Augustine and others recoiled from its implications, fearing it as a negation of free will and salvation. And yet, Nietzsche, in his brilliance, dared to confront the concept anew, exploring its depths in the crucible of human consciousness.”
Didn't Aleister Crowley say that he had to shatter every single phase in order to eliminate the concept of fate?
“I will shatter every last phase and put an end to all mysticism. It can be helped and we need not restrain our tears and bite our lip when faced with tragedy. I will bring back the pure world in which everyone can feel anger like normal and question it all like normal!!”
And didn't Coronzon appear to break down all the phases including the Pure World?
Partial destruction would be meaningless. If anything remains and an eternal distortion is born from that, then it will all happen again. I will eliminate the ten spheres, the twenty-two pathways, and the hidden eleventh symbol. Collisions between phases? Sparks and spray? You cannot save anyone if you only treat those symptoms. All of the fundamental clogs must be removed. All so we can pass the baton to whoever comes next.”
“Sparks and Sprays…” Rosencreutz muttered.
“Eh?” The #7 didn't quite hear him.
"Beside time stands fate, cruelty's steadfast herald. In the silent chambers of the soul, whispers the most profound wisdom. Humanity, in its folly, neglected to exalt life's splendor, its radiance, its grandeur. Truly, it is a rare gift to comprehend the forces that shape our existence.” That magician spoke in despair.
“From the moment man ate the fruit of knowledge, he guaranteed your species’ failure... Entrusting his future to the whims of fate, man clutches to a flickering hope. Yet, within the Miniature Garden lies the key to all revelation. Beyond the well-trodden path lies the ultimate terminus. It matters not who you are; Death is the sole certainty awaiting all.” he finished with scorn.
Shokuhou Misaki was currently linked to Sogiita Gunha so was overhearing the entire conversation.
“Are you okay, Leader?” asked Kamijou back at the hospital.
“Yeah…” she responded.
“Really?” Mikoto breathed a white sigh. “It wasn’t the shock of seeing their school destroyed. Nor was it the fear of having those rioters attack. …They’re afraid of their own power. And after learning how exactly to use that power to survive, they’re not sure they can just switch it off and return to their normal lives. So their gears have ground to a halt.” Tokiwadai Middle School was a prestigious esper development school.
The young ladies registered there were Level 3 at the lowest and Level 5 at the highest.
Almost all of the students had a power that surpassed that of a blade or handgun if used properly, but something had become twisted.
Yes.
“A lot of them weren’t really sure why they were training their powers.”
Shokuhou breathed a white breath, wrapped her own arms around herself, and rubbed her thighs together.
Why are you studying?
How many people could give a proper answer to that question? Because my parents told me to, because my teachers taught me to, because that’s how the world works. Those would be most people’s answers. Even the students with a clear vision of their future would only have something vague like “for the entrance exams” or “for my future”.
Only a small handful would have specific puzzle pieces in mind, such as “I need to learn how to use this equation so I can build a rocket”.
The young ladies of Tokiwadai Middle School were the same.
What if the very gears that humans have…their actions, reactions, inactions were all the result of some transcendental entity hovering above.
Like God or The Devil watching over humanity’s reality sphere and ordering around his system like everyone was a pre-programmed NPC that had specific events occur to them to get them to develop in the way that they did and determined their genetic bloodline that composed their psyche?
Is there truly a free will?
It was said that in order for you to break out of the system of society that the working class was stuck in you had to climb to the top where the corrupt elites resided.
Imagine Breaker negated sparks, Aleister Crowley could see through the veil thanks to Holy Guardian Angel Aiwass, Great Demon Coronzon could always see the cogs.
Christian Rosencreutz could view the entire world through his Miniature Garden.
The rest of humanity was at the mercy of their own destinies.
A Guardian Angel wouldn't arrive to save a parent’s child from fate every single time.
"Okay, nice poetry, can we get back to fighting already?" asked the #7 impatiently.
"Seems I got carried away," the old man conceded with a nod. "The synchronicities of this world, akin to the astral configurations in astrology, serve as an example of synchronicity, according to Jung. It describes circumstances that appear meaningfully related yet lack a causal connection, much like the parallel relationship between celestial and terrestrial phenomena. Synchronicity experiences entail subjective encounters where coincidences between events in one's mind and the external world may lack a clear causal link but still harbor an unknown connection.”
"Ah," Sogiita chimed in, recalling his philosophy class discussions. "We talked about synchronicity back then. Jung thought it was a good thing for the mind, but said it could get dicey in psychosis. He cooked up this theory as a kind of mental link between those meaningful coincidences, calling it a noncausal principle. This term came about in the late 1920s, and then he teamed up with physicist Wolfgang Pauli to dive deeper. Their work, The Interpretation of Nature and the Psyche, dropped in 1952. They were big on this idea that these connections, even the ones that don't seem to have a cause, could still teach us a lot about how our minds and the world work."
“Mhm, you know more than you lead on, Gemstone.” pondered CRC.
“Oh this? My teachers say I'm not good at remembering speeches hahaha…” The #7 looked slightly nervous. “You know, analytical psychologists really push for folks to get what these experiences mean to boost their awareness instead of just feeding into superstitions. But funny thing is, when clients spill about their synchronicity experiences, they often feel like no one's really hearing them out, or getting where they're coming from. And hey, having a bunch of these meaningful coincidences flying around can sometimes ring the schizo bell. Delusions aren't healthy.”
Where was this conversation going?
"Delusion! Hah! That's a good one coming from you," CRC fired back.
"The real delusion is thinking humanity isn't worth a damn," Sogiita shot back, pulling out some info from Johansen and Osman. "Some scientists think coincidences are just random flukes, but counselors and psychoanalysts reckon there's more to it, like some deep-down stuff needing to come out.”
"Delusion! Hah! That's a good one coming from you," CRC fired back.
"The real delusion is thinking humanity isn't worth a darn," Sogiita shot back, pulling out some info from Johansen and Osman. "Some scientists think coincidences are just random flukes, but counselors and psychoanalysts reckon there's more to it, like some deep-down stuff needing to come out. Unconscious material to be expressed."
Rosencreutz interjected, his expression reflecting a mix of confusion and concern. "Aleister Crowley's actions have left a lasting scar on this world and this city," he began, his voice weighted with solemnity. “The vacuum-like dichotomy between magic and science created by the use of that colossal psychotronic weapon, has damaged this world's memory irreparably.”
Psychotronic weapon?
The Archetype Controller?
He paused, his gaze piercing as he continued, "Jung's exploration of synchronicity as evidence of the paranormal paved the way for further inquiry, notably by Koestler and the subsequent embrace of these ideas by the New Age movement.”
Sogiita shrugged, "Some folks say synchronicity is impossible to test or prove, so it gets labeled as pseudoscience. Jung even acknowledged that these synchronicity events are basically just coincidences, statistically speaking. But hey, who's to say what's really going on without some solid scientific studies, right?"
"Dubious as his experiments may have been," CRC interrupted, "Jung believed in a connection between synchronicity and the paranormal, drawing parallels to the uncertainty principle and works by parapsychologist Joseph B. Rhine.” CRC posed a thought-provoking question, "How are we to recognize acausal combinations of events, since it is obviously impossible to examine all chance happenings for their causality? The answer lies in the fact that acausal events are most readily expected where a causal connection appears inconceivable upon closer reflection. It's impossible, with our current resources, to explain ESP or meaningful coincidences as mere phenomena of energy. This challenges the very notion of cause and effect, as these events occur simultaneously rather than in a linear cause-and-effect manner. Hence, I have coined the term 'synchronicity' to describe this phenomenon, placing it on equal footing with causality as a principle of explanation."
Getting closer to that Gemstone, CRC emphasized, "Esper abilities cannot be fully understood with science alone. They defy traditional cause-and-effect explanations, instead representing a convergence of factors that create a quantum phenomenon affecting both the micro and macro. Why were there the naturally gifted and the naturally ungifted?”
Why did some students get praised for their abilities while others needed to work harder?
Others among them would have worked every hour of their free time and not progressed anywhere in this city’s leveling curriculum.
Why did this city present such an unfair and unpredictable status quo of potential?
Why did hard work barely matter in a city of empirical evidence to record any possible progress?
Sogiita Gunha wasn't a normal Level 5 but he wasn't always this powerful. He went through the curriculum same as everyone but if the outside conditions for his Gemstone ability to manifest didn't form in the exact way that it did, in such an acausal form then would he even be here to challenge Christian Rosencreutz right now?
Everything just happened to fall right into place.
All those puzzle pieces that would lead to this moment here and now.
Was it all just talent? God picking a fool as his champion?
The #7 leaned back, absorbing CRC's words with a thoughtful expression. "So, what you're saying is, there's this whole other layer to reality that we can't quite wrap our heads around," he summarized, nodding slowly. "I mean, it's like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands—slippery and elusive."
He chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "Historic recurrence, synchronicities, all these things—they're like pieces of a puzzle scattered across this substantial reality. And sometimes, they just... click into place, right? It's like the universe has its own plan, and we're just along for the ride."
That bandana wearing boy's gaze drifted, lost in thought. "You know, CRC, it's funny," he remarked, a wry smile playing on his lips. "Here we are, with all our powers and potential, but at the end of the day, we're still grappling with the same questions as everyone else. Talent, destiny, divine intervention—maybe they're all just different sides of the same coin."
He shrugged, the weight of the philosophical musings settling over the broken city. "Who knows? Maybe God does have a sense of humor, after all.” that boy chuckled.
There was a deep silence between them.
Rosencreutz’ response was swift and resolute, his tone filled with certainty. "All this ‘universe has a plan’ banter is just a distraction from the inevitable," he declared, his eyes narrowing. "We can debate the nature of us being all-powerful yet struggling with mortal issues until the sun burns out, but it won't change the fact that our fate was sealed upon the knowledge Adam learned."
“To think so many trivialities have developed while this old man wasn’t watching. Heh heh. Then I should assume the thread of fate has again begun to weave its strange connections between myself and some unknown human.”
He rose forward, his movements purposeful. "It's time to put an end to this dance of platitudes," CRC continued, his voice cold and unwavering. "We'll settle this the only way that somewhat matters—through objective action in this grand play."
“Silence, preserved doll. Illusionists are meant to remain silent. That is all we magicians are: wielders of substanceless illusions. Opening your mouth serves only to break the illusion.”
With a flicker of resolve in his eyes, he locked gazes with the #7. "I am Hydra, Gemstone," he said, his voice carrying a hint of challenge. "Our battle ends now.” CRC opened both his palms and began shooting at their surroundings, the buildings, the pavement, the apartments, the rubble.
It probably wasn't random as it seemed to create a pattern.
“Huh are you getting senile old man?” asked the young Gemstone.
“What fun. I never imagined someone would bother diligently polishing their skills this far while knowing it is all essentially an illusion. Didn’t you ever feel silly going to the effort?”
Rosencreutz dropped to all fours, his rosy cross sword gripped tightly in his right hand.
He moved—
“Arrgh!” Sogiita yelled amidst the relentless and precise and precise strikes from that golden cross. “Old man?” he asked.
That magician didn't say anything.
That silver man’s movements became more beastly.
Faster.
Stronger.
Fiercer.
Something new was beginning to manifest.
With each strike of his higher dimensional blade that old man’s blows seemed infused with an otherworldly energy.
The wounds inflicted by his weapon burned with a venomous intensity, sending searing pain coursing through Sogiita's body.
That boy grimaced as the poison from that silver man’s strikes surged through his being, each wound feeling like it was ablaze with venomous fire.
"Damn... That burns…like a killer hornet’s sting," he muttered through clenched teeth, his voice strained with effort. Gritting, he fought to maintain his focus, despite the agony threatening to overwhelm him.
Was this another application of The Four Stages? Citrinitas? No, there was nothing yellow here, it was more like a dirty purple.
But it wasn't just the physical damage that posed a threat.
As the Rosy Cross leader leaped on all fours his movements took on an almost erratic quality, he was bouncing from one building to another with an animalistic agility.
With each jump, a shockwave rippled through the air, carrying with it a palpable sense of dread.
Something was spreading.
The air around them seemed to thicken with a toxic miasma. The #7 struggled to breathe, the noxious fumes clouding his senses.
Like a chaotic monster’s venomous poison breath.
The once-clear air now felt thick and suffocating.
Gasping for breath, the bandana boy struggled to maintain his focus amidst the swirling chaos.
His vision blurred, his movements sluggish as he fought against the oppressive atmosphere.
Blinded that heroic boy could only fire a flame arrow without his sight.
His fists striking out with all the strength he could muster. Igniting in that poisonous compressed air.
It seemed to be flammable like a dragon’s breath.
???
At the hospital, Shokuhou's voice carried a mix of surprise and relief. “He caused real damage.” she exclaimed.
Kamijou turned his attention to her, intrigued. “What happened?”
“It's hard to see clearly, but it looks like the #7 managed to rip off CRC's left arm,” she explained. “Though, I'd say it was more of a lucky shot. I can read he acted on pure instinct.”
Kamijou nodded, a hint of melancholy in his tone. “Yeah... the psychic link and all.”
Had the #7 Level 5 given up on the old man?
Back on the battlefield, Sogiita cursed under his breath. “Dammit... Sorry, old man,” he muttered. “I was aiming to hit your whole body to maximize the surface area, maybe break a few bones as a casualty. We can probably get your arm reattached at the hospital. Heaven Canceller has enough guts to even fix me.”
It was clear—he hadn't given up.
It was an accidental strike of his arm.
“As each ghastly head was severed from its serpentine form, dreadfully, two more writhed forth from the abyss.” a cryptic voice amidst the chaos spoke.
Wasn't it said that the Hydra’s lair was the lake of Lerna in the Argolid.
Lerna was reputed to be an entrance to the Underworld.
The abyss.
The Ungrund.
There is no limit to the depth of the Alcyonian Lake, and I know of nobody who by any contrivance has been able to reach the bottom of it since not even Nero, who had ropes made several stades long and fastened them together, tying lead to them, and omitting nothing that might help his experiment, was able to discover any limit to its depth. This, too, I heard. The water of the lake is, to all appearance, calm and quiet but, although it is such to look at, every swimmer who ventures to cross it is dragged down, sucked into the depths, and swept away.
The keeper of the gate to the Underworld that lay in the waters of Lerna was the Hydra.
The serpentine Lake Monster.
“Rosencreutz……?” The #7 muttered.
That magician chuckled ominously. "Indeed, young Heracles," he intoned, his voice echoing with a bizarre resonance. “The Lernaean Hydra's curse is upon you now.” as he said that he ripped off a bit of his arm that was cuterarised and it began bleeding.
Anna Sprengel’s blood was said to create unknown miracles when spilled.
Christian Rosencreutz’ blood was so virulent that even its scent was deadly.
As Sogiita Gunha glanced at his severed arm lying on the ground, a creeping sense of horror enveloped him. "All fate is a curse and that curse," he murmured, his words barely audible over the din of battle, "extends even to my severed limb.”
Christian Rosencreutz’ left arm grew back.
No.
Two new arms grew in its place.
The arm was fully functioning with no defects.
Although one of the arms appeared somewhat scaly and lanky like a serpent.
It had human anatomy but something was abnormal here.
He almost looked like a spider as he emerged from the poisonous fog as he remained on all fours.
“So short-stack. Are you ready to complete your final labor: Crossing the abyss!!!” He challenged that boy with his cross sword facing him.
"Boss, what's up? You look kinda stuck," Kamijou asked, his tone concerned.
Two students were sitting together in the waiting room at a hospital.
"—abyss, Hydra, curse, synchronicities, Historic recurrence." she replied, her words carrying a weight of unease.
"Huh? What? Can you give me the lowdown?" Kamijou prodded, his urgency evident.
"Can't quite wrap my head around it. But what I can tell you is that after CRC started talking about these esoteric concepts, he leveled up his power ability, managed to seriously hurt the #7 despite me cranking up all his stats for the win condition," the honey-blonde girl explained, frustration creeping into her voice.
"Can you beam all that stuff into my head, like a memory download? You're a psychological esper, right? My right hand won't mess with it, and we've done the telepathy thing before," Kamijou suggested.
"Memory download's not quite it, but I can send you a recording," she clarified.
"Got it," Kamijou muttered as he absorbed the info.
"You got any ideas to help the #7’s situation ability, Kamijou-san? We're kinda desperate here," she asked.
"I wish Index was still here, dammit.” he lamented, “But you know about magic, right?" he queried.
"Yeah, people converting their delusions into reality right?," she admitted.
"Well, magic's not just about delusions; it can be tied up to the whole world. Not sure if it's relevant, but based on Idol Theory, Rosencreutz might be pulling in 'energy’ from the Greek 'phase’ of Heracles for an edge," Kamijou theorized.
"Like a chessboard flip?" Shokuhou Misaki inquired, her brow furrowed with concern.
"No, more like... imagine you're playing checkers with a buddy, and you're totally crushing it because you're a checkers pro. Then suddenly, your buddy switches it up and challenges you to an arm wrestling match, and you lose because, well, arm wrestling isn't your forte," Kamijou Touma explained, trying to paint a vivid picture.
"So, by taking on the role of the Hydra from Greek myth, he's essentially forcing the #7 into the role of Heracles? But didn't Heracles defeat the Hydra?" Shokuhou sought clarification.
"Yeah, but..." Kamijou recalled the tale from the movies he'd seen. "Lichas gave Heracles a shirt soaked in the Hydra's poisonous blood from his arrows, which ends up killing him by tearing his flesh down to the bone," he elaborated.
"It was actually Nessus seeking vengeance and tricking Deianira into giving it to Heracles as a gift, delivered by Lichas without disclosing the tunic's lethal bloodstained secret from the Lernaean Hydra, but you're right," Shokuhou corrected gently. "So, Rosencreutz is harnessing the power of that legend to slowly poison the #7 to death?"
"Not literal. I mean the poison is real but his slashes do significant harm now so it's more like shifting the paradigm in his favor shifting his position.” The spiky-haired boy wasn't in the mood to explain Phases, “Earlier, he mentioned Sogiita spreading his 'virus' throughout the world. A virus isn't a poison in the traditional sense, but the Rosicrucians originally sought to create a universal cure for all illnesses. Now, CRC is spreading a literal poison, positioning himself as the ultimate predator and his opponents as prey rather than his savior role, the paradigm has been shifted." Kamijou concluded, his voice tinged with gravity.
“So he’s changed the environment to get the win condition? The #7’s durability doesn't matter in the face of the world being forced to go about a certain way because of Rosencreutz stage play?” The girl asked.
“Yeah…if things keep going this way…Sogiita will….goddamnit….” The spiky haired boy swore. “I can't let someone else die after all that's happened but I feel like if I go out there I really will kill him…” he muttered that last bit while clenching his right fist that began shaking uncontrollably.
The girl’s eyes seemed confused. “What did you say?” The honey blonde middle schooler asked.
“Nothing, just mumbling to myself.” he spat out.
That boy and girl could never come to the right conclusion on their own without the aid of former Magic God Othinus by their side.
“Did you think I had challenged you with no hope of succeeding, you cesspool? The magic born on earth is bound by the directions based on the earth’s magnetic field and by the density and composition of the air which is determined by air pressure which is in turn influenced by gravity. That is inevitable when you are focused on the cardinal directions of north, south, east, and west or on the basic elements of fire, water, wind, and earth. But what you will find upon leaving the atmosphere is an unknown. Coronzon, are you sure there will be no malfunction in the magic giving you control of Avatar Lola? And before, my power was bound by the puny speck named earth which failed to become a black hole or even a sun, but once we enter outer space, just how far do you think that power will be released? I do not mind at all that I will lose the support of Academy City.”
Well the boy was half right.
“Let us test it out, you cuspidor. On one side, we have you using the planet and bound to an avatar. On the other, we have me exposed and freed from the planet. Now, who will be the star of this show?”
Christian Rosencreutz did not shoot at his surroundings for no reason.
The battlefield transformed into Rosencreutz's canvas, resembling the legendary battleground of Lerna where Heracles once clashed with the Hydra.
Yes.
He didn't unleash his powers randomly; every action was deliberate.
In the magical side of Idol Theory, mimicking an object, event, or person allowed one to tap into a fraction of its power.
And that even applied to locations that essentially worked as stage plays.
Idol Theory was so absolute that even the basic cross held a portion of the son of God’s power.
As Above, So Below.
As Below, So Above.
Macro to micro.
Micro to macro.
And the macrocosm and the microcosm are always linked.

FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800 u/BakeGullible9975 u/Didnotseemecomein and u/medium_jock
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Caution swearing!
Also, god I love you Conn… please never change!
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
"Both of you get your suits back on."
"What the hell is going on!?”
Richards demanded, Adam took a deep breath,
"Captain Richards that was not an opening for a discussion, that was an order. Now put the damn suit on, or I swear I will knock you out and do it myself!”
The three of them were floating in the module staring at each other, hands resting against what must have been no more than a few millimeters of aluminum.
He stared at them, and they stared back.
Adam did not break eye contact with the two, willing them to do as they were told. Chavez was the first to move, hurrying over to her space suit and struggling to pull it on in a near panic as bright lights flashed from outside. Inside his heart was pounding but he tried to remain calm for the two standing before him.
He hurried over to help Chavez pull on her gear, finally sealing the helmet in place as Richards finally moved to do the same.
Adam helped pull the hard torso over the man's head and link it to the waist before helping him pull on his gloves and, eventually the helmet. Before he let go, he kept hold of Richards by either side of the helmet staring at him through the glass,
"I promise, if you listen to me, I will keep you safe."
He kept eye contact with the other man until Richards finally nodded, and Adam let him go to float over and put on his own suit. His hands were steady, for now, but he knew as soon as the crisis was over he'd be shaking like a leaf.
If he survived…
He gritted his teeth, cursing himself for thinking like that.
He was Admiral Vir for crying out loud. He had survived far too much to go and die now.
He returned to the helm of the command module as he looked out the thick window at the lights flashing on either side of them. Despite the war that was raging around them, everything seemed so strangely quiet. There was no sound no rumbling, not even a vibration as one of the jets flew past. Despite being at the controls of the vehicle, there was nothing he could do. They only had a certain amount of fuel to get them to the lunar surface, and if he wasted any of it at all, they would be either caught in orbit, or miss the moon entirely.
He had to keep his cool.
Another bright burst of light lit the window to his right. This one was closer this time.
His heart leaped up into his throat.
Richards and Chaves joined him buckling into their seats.
"What is going on?”
Richards demanded again, his mike distant and tinny with the sound of very old technology.
"I believe Anti-Alliance forces are attempting to assassinate me. They have been trying for months now, and I think they are being encouraged by very powerful members of the government."
They watched as another set of ships zoomed past.
He saw a flash of a silhouette, just enough to know that one of them was a Thunderhawk and the other was a silver Rundi drone.
It confirmed his worst fears. The Chairwoman had been behind this the whole time!
[…]
Red nearly collided with the rocket. The Thunderhawk had pulled up the last minute, but he had almost been too late. He jerked the stick to the side, throwing up his wing just in time to avoid hitting the rocket as it made its slow way through space. He dove down on the other side forced to break off pursuit and cut in front of another Thunderhawk coming in from above. He made to look like he was going to ram them, playing a dangerous game of chicken, which he won at the last second as the other pilot panicked and cut to the left.
There were too many of them. Only five out of the original twenty had been destroyed, and he and the rest of their pilots were busy just keeping the thunder hawks away from the rocket, much less to have any time of firing at them. He had sent one of his people down to earth and one of them off towards the moon for backup. The moon was still hours away yet, so the hope that some help would be sent from them was unlikely, and even the woman he had sent down to earth's surface was cutting it close.
He didn't have much hopes that they would be able to hold out that long.
Inside the cockpit his warning lights began to blink and blair as one of the other jets got a lock on him. He rolled right to avoid them and dove down, cutting off the lock but still being pursued by those behind him. Up ahead he saw one of the silver balls erupt into flames as it was targeted by an expert hit from one of the Thunderhawk pilots.
He rolled right.
Someone else rolled left. He cut up just in time to avoid being hit and raced forward to cut off another Thunderbird that was heading directly towards the rocket.
[…]
Eris hurried down the hallway, her knees screaming as she did her very best to sprint, but despite her human anatomy, she was a little too much like a starborn.
With a cry of frustration she reached up and tore off her hoodie, throwing it to the ground and engaging her anti-gravity belt. The ribbons on her back billowed out behind her.
Light spilled in from the windows on either side of the catwalk she was now on, filling her with a buzzing energy that she could feel radiating through the ribbons like electricity. She knew from her study of starborn that they could travel at thousands of miles an hour in the vacuum of space, especially when under the power of a star. She didn't think she needed to go THAT fast, but anything would be better than what she was doing now.
As if in response to her will, she suddenly began to glide forward, picking up speed as she swooped towards the end of the hall, wind catching her in the face and roaring along her cheeks. With her starborn skin, she barely felt a thing as she raced around the corner and out of the waiting door. Two men dressed in military ACUs dived to the side as she blew past them crying out in alarm and confusion as the "Alien" floated by.
Somewhere distantly, she could sense Conn racing in the opposite direction towards the base.
Sunny and Admiral Kelly had Admiral Massie in their custody and were dragging him out into the hallway.
She blew across the open ground her ribbons snapping and billowing behind her as she did. She didn't even have time to imagine what she looked like as she roared over the open field and towards the waiting news vans which were just beginning to pack up their things. They were close to leaving, but she set out a sharp hard telepathic pulse ordering them to stop.
Compelling them to stop.
They froze in their tracks and looked up to see her coming.
Someone scrambled to turn on their camera, not sure what was going on but sure it had to be something good.
She tried not to think about what they would see as the camera flared to life following her approach.
"Make us live."
She ordered,
The news people glanced between each other in confusion,
"But no… we aren’t-"
"What are-"
She came to a sudden jolting stop before them, her billowing black hair fanning out behind her like a curling halo.
"I said, put us on air."
This time the telepathic pulse was too strong to resist. Mostly that, paired with the fact that none of them were sure they really wanted to resist. She was way too interesting to pass up.
They hurried to do what they were doing, and Eris was given just enough time to feel nervous before the camera was turned to her.
They were live.
She read it in the minds of those behind camera who she cut off as she began to speak,
"Citizens of Earth, there has been a horrible conspiracy against you. The UN president has ordered the assassination of Admiral Adam Vir and has continually attempted to sabotage the mission. Just now General Massie was taken into custody after ordering the deployment of twenty Thunderhawk’s to harass the rocket and make its destruction look like some sort of collision with space debris."
The group gawked at her as she raised her hand with the small silver device and began playing the recording.
She knew something like this would never be admissible in court. She was pretty sure it would be considered entrapment of some kind, which is why it must be heard now, before everyone, so that the actions of the president could be judged by a jury of the world where it could not be hidden by political machinations.
"Communications have been lost with Apollo 11. And it is... Well... It is likely that he is already dead..."
Her voice broke,
"No matter what happens, I need you, and this nation to understand what is happening before it gets swept under the rug. I saw it with my own eyes, heard it with my own ears and experienced their meeting in the thoughts of a man who is both xenophobic and hateful to his own humankind."
She kept talking trying to give them all the information she could, spilling thoughts she had heard in the head of the UN president and General Massie alike. Every meeting, every liaison, every name until her voice was beginning to crack.
[…]
The UN president was just standing to enter her vehicle when a slow muttering began in the crowd behind her. She turned as the ground before her went silent.
She watched as a wave ran through the people. A wave of nudging and whispering and showing off news feeds they had pulled up on their wrist implants. It wasn't long before the entire crowd was either staring down at their arms or clustered around someone else for viewing.
"What is going on?”
She wondered, turning to one of her men who was staring down at her own wrist.
"Madame president?"
He said with a look of confusion.
She could hear it now.
"Her and General Massie have ordered members of the UNSC to adjust funds in order to hide the twenty Thunderhawk’s they were squirting away for just such an event."
She hurried forward, grabbing the secret serviceman by the arm, staring at it as she watched the streaming newsfeed and the freaky white alien with the large dark eyes and flowing black hair.
"She is afraid of aliens, she wishes to isolate and eventually use humanity's superior forces to overtake trade in the galaxy, forceful if need be."
The muttering behind her had turned into an angry grumbling, and she turned to see the eyes of hundreds that turned towards her.
"Get me out of here."
She hissed. the Secret Serviceman took a step back with a look of confusion and indecision on his face.
"It's your job."
She snarled, but he just stared at her.
She hurriedly ran over to her car as the crowd began to filter in around them pressing close. A few of the secret service men pulled guns, but a large majority of them were frozen with indecision and were taken over by the crowd. She scrambled into the back seat of her vehicle and slammed the door shut screaming at the driver to get moving.
The crowd was surrounding them now, pounding at the glass.
She could hear their angry voices raised for her to be heard behind bullet proof glass.
Outside, she watched a lone figure step onto the platform where the lectern was and stare at her with its beady black eyes. The Chairwoman of the GA stood over the crowd like it's filthy alien lord.
And even though Rundi could not smile, she could swear it was smiling.
[…]
Baby K hit a rough patch of turbulence coming down from the atmosphere. She struggled with the controls as she was thrown left and right inside the cockpit of her rickety shuttle.
Donovan Red had ordered her down here to grab the UNSC, but she was so scared and full of adrenaline that she had dropped it at too steep an angle. The ride was much bumpier than it was supposed to be, and her teeth were rattling inside her head.
Just then two Jets suddenly cut in behind her out of nowhere, and she heard her console beep and warn her about a lock on, making it clear that she was just one click of a trigger away from imminent doom.
"This is Eagle Dispatch One, unidentified vessel, you have crossed into restricted UNSC airspace, identify yourself or be destroyed! You have ten seconds to comply, over."
She scrambled for her communications, but her fingers felt as stiff as wood as she scrambled for the button.
"I repeat, this is Eagle Dispatch One, unidentified vessel, you have entered restricted UNSC airspace, you are ordered to identify yourself or be destroyed. Five seconds remaining. Over."
She slammed her first into the comms button nearly panicking,
"UNSC!"
Her voice was rattling,
"This is B-baby K, and I... The Apollo 11 is under attack!"
She was breathless as she forced the words out.
There was silence over the coms,
"Say again? Uhm I mean please repeat over.”
"Apollo 11 is under attack!"
”…”
”…”
More silence,
”Roger that. Please stand by. Over."
The lock lifted and the two jets pulled up to the side of her, staying close now.
She recognized those jets as two F-90 Darkfires.
They stayed by her side for a moment, and as close as they were she could see one of the pilots fidgeting with the coms, talking and wildly gesticulating, while his copilot was beginning to wildly flip switches.
Meanwhile, a second voice came in over the coms.
"On your left! Eagle Dispatch Two here, unidentified vessel, please land on UNSC base airstrip one. Just contact the control tower once you get close for guidance and instruction."
Baby K looked over into the other jet, just to see the pilot adjusting his helmet and clicking an oxygen tube to the front of his helmet. His co-pilot had already put the additional oxygen mask on and was also flipping switches.
”Uhm aren’t you going to escort me?”
Baby K managed to blurt out in confusion,
”Godspeed Baby K, Eagle Dispatch Two over and out.”
Both men in the jet to her left had apparently finished their preparations and gave her a quick salute.
Then suddenly, both jets adjusted their angle and cut engines, before switching to their big fusion engines, rocketing them up and out of sight within seconds.
[…]
So far it had been a relatively quiet day at the Ellington Field Joint Reserve Base. Most of the air traffic had been canceled due to the launch of the Apollo mission, so there was not much to do, leaving much of the Airport less staffed than normal.
In the Air Traffic Control tower of the base, only two men were working. Though “working” was stretching it, considering Senior Controller M. Fredrick was currently in the middle of his book (though he was at least in front of his station) and his comrade Senior ATC Instructor A. Millard was currently sitting in a corner, watching a movie on his implant.
”So what are you watching? One of those old Star Wars movies?”
”You bet! Those are the best! By the way any info on that “lost civilian” who got into our airspace?”
”No not yet, though I sent Eagle Dispatch and told them to be extra unfriendly, that will scare these civilians off for sure!”
”Pffft, why couldn’t they watch the start like any other person? There is always some dumb rich kid doing dumb stuff with daddies private shuttle… I don’t understand why we always let them off with a warning…”
The console started beeping,
”Oh look that’s them now!”
”Put ‘em on speakers!”
”Will do!”
…
”ATC this is Eagle, come the FUCK in!”
Fredrick rolled his eyes,
”Ahem… This is Elling Field ATC, calling Eagle Dispatch One. We hear you, over.”
”ATC what the FUCK took you so long!?”
”Ellington Field ATC, to Eagle Dispatch one, firstly: language, secondly: please follow standard radio rules, over.”
”THE APOLLO IS UNDER ATACK BY HOSTILE ELEMENTS!”
”Ellingt-WHAAAAT!? Repeat please! Over!”
”THE APOLLO IS BEEING ATACKED BY HOSTILE ELEMENTS! REQUETING IMMEDIATE ASSIST!”
Fredrick just stared at Millard dumbfounded. As the senior officer Millard was quick to collect himself and jumped up and towards his console.
”What are you waiting for Fredrick! Are we blind!? DEPLOY THE GARRISON!”
Fredrick ignored all protocol and just flipped the switch to connect his comms to every recipient available.
”ATC to all personnel and everyone who can hear me, the Apollo is under attack, I repeat, the apollo is under attack. I want all available planes that can reach the outer atmosphere ready ASAP! Get the darkfires on the runway I want them in the air yesterday!”
[…]
Conn raced towards the airstrip, feeling the wind in the ribbons at his back. He couldn't go nearly as fast as he wanted to with air resistance.
Why the hell did Adam always have to get into so much trouble, why did he always have to be the center of attention!?
Everyone either hated him or loved him, but the problem was people who hated him also wanted to kill him.
Why did he have to be so controversial!?
Why did he have to be hated for something that was such a big deal. Why couldn't he be hated for having controversial political opinions. Conn paused…
On second thought, controversial political opinions were kind of what had gotten them here in the first place, so he guessed that was kind of a useless comparison. How about being the kind of guy who liked to talk too much about fishing. That was a great way to make people hate you for being boring, but it didn't usually mean that people wanted to kill you.
Maybe they could get the man a hobby doing something that wasn't so controversial…
Like…
Kicking small Animals or…
Cannibalism.
He came roaring to the stop at the edge of the airfield just in time to watch an entire platoon of pilots racing towards jets. He could hear their minds and looked up to see a rather dinky shuttle descending from the sky. He floated forward towards one of the jets as two pilots leaped inside.
He was going to need a ride.
The pilots turned to look at him, but Conn just shook his head.
The pilots decided to ignore him in the confusion and Conn grabbed on tight.
Starborn, he had come to learn, were a very interesting species in comparison to others. Vertically, as in from the top down he was very fragile and likely to break his neck or collapse his spine if there was any kind of pressure, but with horizontal forces, he was practically indestructible. Below him the ship roared to life and soon they were gathering speed along the runway.
His grip was tight, and he used the extra energy from his ribbons to speed himself up along with the jet to reduce the pull on his arms.
His grip wasn't that strong.
They went vertical almost immediately, and he made sure to orient his body in the correct direction as they went hurtling into the sky.
[…]
Red's right wing had been hit. If there had been atmosphere around him he would have been a goner, but there was no air resistance here, so once he regained control of his roll, he pulled back into position and fired one last shot as the opportunity arose. The sixth Thunderhawk was destroyed in an eruption of debris, which he dodged only with difficulty, limping without the aid of the maneuvering jet on the end of his one wing. Things were only speeding up now, the Rundi were almost gone and the pressure was being laid thick on his people. They were hard to hit but the pursuit made it almost impossible for them to do any real maneuvering of their own. He was almost hit again as another Thunderhawk sped underneath him. They rolled this way and that rocking from one side to the other. Flying through debris and over strips of silver metal.
Below them the earth hung as a glowing orb.
Red cut in a wide circle coming in with the sun at his back, using it to blind one of the enemy Thunderhawk’s as he came in. He watched the group of them form up suddenly as a ring around the slow moving rocket, intending quite certainly to rush it all at once. He screamed into the comm trying to order his men around, but it was going to be too late, he could already see it coming.
The jets rushed forward, and he did too, screaming inside his helmet as they went to broadside Apollo 11.
And then with all the silence of space, sixteen F-90 Dark Fires came spitting overhead all at once, raining down a line of ordinance that cut through the group of unsuspecting Thunderhawk’s.
Space around them was filled with a myriad of silent explosions as each and every one of them was ripped to shreds.
All except one…
He saw it at the last moment.
It had been hit in the tail and had gone wildly off course.
It turned sideways, but had just enough force... For its wing to tear straight through the aluminum siding of the rocket.
FUCK!
[…]
Chavez and Richards had been ordered to strap into their seats.
Adam had taken it upon himself to lock down the rest of the main cabin. Outside the flashing lights were like a fireworks display without sound. He grabbed onto one of the rails, forcing equipment back into place, so that if anything happened it wouldn't fly out.
His legs were kicked up behind him as he floated forward reaching for some of the controls as a sudden bright wash of light filtered in through the windows. He heard a scream over his com, and then the air around him was rent with a horrific tearing noise, which suddenly went silent. There was a rush, and he jerked forward as he was sucked back... And out of the ship entirely.
His hands and legs kicked and flailed as he tried to right himself, hearing his own breathing as the only sound as he watched the rocket begin to spin, debris erupting around him as air, and whatever wasn't strapped down was sucked through the small opening.
The rocket was spinning wildly but still on course, while he was spinning wildly in a silent abyss.
Grunting against the force of his spin, he reached down for the controls to the CO2 canister built into the pack of his spacesuit.
He groaned, not sure which way was up or down or back. He tried to right himself against the spin by firing in the opposite direction to slow his spin.
He could see the rocket now spinning in the opposite direction with the sudden loss of oxygen. He hoped the other astronauts were ok. He saw the silhouette of a jet fly past in the distance making its way towards the spinning rocket.
At least there was someone here to help.
Maybe the others would survive-
And then he just… stopped, coming to a confusing halt in the middle of space.
That shouldn't have been right!
He should have kept going forever!
He tried turning his head, but he felt like the pillsbury doughboy in this two thousand year old suit.
What was happening?
"Did you miss me Baby?”
Well shit, now he sort of wished he could keep spinning.
There was a tugging on the outside of his suit, and Conn floated into view in front of his helmet.
"Hey sweetheart."
"You are probably the last person I wanted to see."
He said, though he didn't entirely mean it, and unfortunately Conn knew that too, the mindreading asshole that he was.
”I could hardly let the father of my child go spinning off into space without taking accountability for his family. After al child support is paying way more than widows pension."
"Shove it up your ass Conn."
"No really, not even the vacuum of space is going to save you from your responsibilities. Now, about custody, I was thinking you could have every other weekend and a couple of major holidays…”
He gave a rueful sort of smile as Conn grabbed him by the life support pack and started floating them towards the rocket.
The F-90s had somehow managed to slow the spin of the rocket, and pull it back on course with grappling magnets.
All around them space was filled with debris. No more working Thunderhawk’s were present and those that were were quickly being grappled. One sleek racing jet slowly cruised past them. One of its wings was damaged, but whoever was inside waved with one hand as he rolled past.
Adam lifted a hand as Conn brought him the last few hundred feet to the torn opening in the side of the ship, allowing him to step through.
Conn patted him on the side of the helmet,
"Make sure to be home by dinnertime sweetie."
Before blowing him a kiss and vanishing back out the hole.
Adam floated there, a bit nonplussed for a moment before turning back to the front of the ship where Chaves and Richards were still strapped into their seats staring at him and after Conn. He floated over to strap himself in.
"Admiral! You're ok!”
"Yes, it seems that I am, thanks to a... Friend of mine."
Just then Conn appeared again just before their right side window, and like the classy gentlemen that he was began rubbing his butt up against the glass.
He sighed,
"Friend is kind of stretching it."
"Apollo 11 this is Houston, do you copy!"
The man on the other end of the line sounded close to tears, and Adam hurried to respond,
"Houston this is Apollo 11."
On the other side he thought he heard the sound of voices cheering in relief.
"What is your status, over?”
"We are a bit beat up Houston, we have a tear in our hull, but our suits are ok, and we have help."
"Prepare to abort mission."
Adam frowned,
"Now wait a second there Houston! I didn't get sucked out the side of my own rocket to just quit now. Tell the boys to come up here and patch us up and we can finish the mission. All systems are still functioning, and we are back on course."
He glanced over at the others,
”That is, if the crew wants to continue."
There was a pause and then Chavez timidly piped in,
"I'd be ok with that."
Richards sighed,
"Roger Houston, patch us up."
Granted it may have been cheating. Apollo 11 hadn't had support with special tools that could just patch up a spaceship within ten minutes, but then again the original Apollo 11 hadn't been in the middle of a firefight while on their journey to the moon.
So it was with some trepidation that Houston allowed it, and before long they had air back inside the cabin back up to pressure, but they also had a sixteen-man rotating escort for the rest of the way.
The group of them were even shocked to see Rundi drones join the formation, only to learn that it had been the UN president who had allegedly called the hit on him. It was hard to believe, but they were only getting snippets here and then from over radio and from Conn, who floated around occasionally to rub another part of his anatomy against the window and give them teasing updates.
The moon was growing slowly in their vision.
"Hehe, I can see my house from here."
Adam remarked as they prepared to detach the lunar module from the rest of the ship.
They landed without incident, observed by mobile camera crews and news reporters as he made his own footprint on the never changing dust of the moon's surface. He gave them a thumbs up to let them know he was fine and hesitated only once before setting up the UN flag in the dirt. He refused to let his enthusiasm be dampened by the day's events and hopped around dancing and leaping for joy as another one of his childhood dreams was fulfilled.
…
That was before he plowed face first into the moon's surface and required help from Richards to stand back up again.
They left soon after taking another three days of escort back to earth before strapping themselves in for final entry.
Conn left them just as they were entering orbit with a very big and very drawn out middle finger for all three of them.
"Your friend is super delightful isn't he?”
"You don’t know the half of it, try having a child with him."
Adam muttered, refusing to elaborate even as they stared at him in confusion.
They fell from the sky and landed somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, picked up by the waiting navy vessel who was within nine miles of their landing site. They were fished from the water and returned safe and sound to the ship to cheers and cameras. Adam's legs felt a little like jelly after days of not using them, and he was finally able to relax lying on the deck of the ship under the sun as people ran around them on either side.
His hands shook slowly building up after the stress of the last week. He took long deep breaths and closed his eyes.
The next few days were going to be a real shit show.
And somehow it wasn’t because he was now known as the man who faceplanted not one, but TWO interstellar bodies…
The media was way to busy with the other story, a massive net of deceit and corruption that would now be uncovered.
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
First Prev Next (soon)
Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
The reveal of the Arxur's assistance of Earth was a unsettling, but mostly overlooked note to add to the headlines filling news sites today on Venlil Prime.
UNKNOWN SHIP DEVASTATES FEDERATION FLEET ABOVE EARTH, HUMANITY LIVES
While the ship wasn't currently unknown to us, given the UN's report, General Kam had advised that it would be better left unspoken of what capabilities we did know, so as to not worry the populace. "Leave causing panic to the humans" he said. But I heard the worries and anxious rumors throughout both social media and verbal conversations...
"That ship destroyed an ENTIRE fleet!?"
"Oh Protector, please tell me its not an Arxur vessel..."
"Why don't we know more?"
I couldn't help but feel for my people. I came to disagree with Kam's advice more and more, as I wished desperately to allay their fears of it being an Arxur superweapon, or that it was going to destroy us soon, or other similar worries.
Are you so sure yourself, Tarva? Even the UN government is scared of it, and it supposedly was made by a future Humanity...
I tried not to focus on that pang of paranoia. I just hoped soon enough the UN would make a statement on the Nemesis already. As I accompanied Noah to the UN's remembrance speech today, I did my best to scan for the feelings worn on peoples faces. The Venlil were unsettled as before, but the human refugees were an odder story altogether.
They were devastated, and scared as well as us Venlil were. But on top of it, I could see a common face worn of confusion. The information disambiguation hadn't made its way to Venlil Prime like it had Earth, and as such they were as much in the dark as the public here was. I could only imagine their uncertainty, knowing their race was likely saved by something they had no idea about.
Noah spoke out of nowhere. "I feel for the refugees here. Forced to an unfamiliar place, so unofficially hostile to them, and now they learn of Nemesis like this? I'd be as confused as them in their place." He checked his suit, attending to shift it so slightly as to make him look better in it. "I also can't imagine your opponents didn't run the whole ball with their existence here, too. Are we taxing you harshly, Tarva?"
I gripped his hand tighter. "No, Noah. While there are those that want you off-planet, I will not let them kick you off. I'll fight for you, no matter the cost."
"Seems like anywhere we go, we cause a fight some way or another. Pops always said space was our ticket to a better future, yet all we seem to cause is trouble for merely existing."
"Noah, its not your people's fault we're afraid of you. The Arxur are to blame for that, and we're at fault for holding it against you. What happened to Earth was not your doing, you tried your best, and it just was not convincing enough for millennia of cultural momentum."
He smiled at that, a muted, but still genuine smile. "Thank you Tarva. I'm glad you see the best in us, even when we don't."
I continued to scan the crowd, looking for the sight of Meier. He always seemed alight in diplomacy whenever he was around, it was a strength of his, outshining the room like that. I could only hope he was doing okay in the current state of Earth. The last time we talked, he seemed very tired, very...frustrated with everything.
But I was glad to see him in some his element soon after, amongst a group of dignitaries from other Federation species. He seemed to be listening to a Mazic diplomat, one I remembered by the name of Cupo. Sadly, however, despite Meier's attempt, it seems the conversation was not on a good track.
"-they're a menace to the rest of the galaxy, and you just let them in, not so soon after this ship blindsided an entire Federation fleet out of nowhere!?"
Meier dejectedly sighed. "Cupo, I thought I already told you, when the Arxur showed up, we had no capability to tell them to take a hike. They were ten-thousand strong and we barely managed several hundred ships left. That they even engaged in dialogue rather than just subjugation was a surprise to me."
"That doesn't make much sense either, Elias Meier. Since when do the Arxur play merciful? You're not telling us something here, and it curls my trunk in knots. How can we trust you when you can't even give us the details on what that ship is, or why the Arxur even showed up in its stead?"
The Mazic was not interested in Meier's friendly act, not giving any room for benefit of the doubt. The other diplomats crowded around began to mumble in agreement, as Meier stood there, formulating some response.
"What we do know about the ship and the Arxur, we'll clear up publically later in this event. But neither were expected by us, you have to believe me. Humanity is just as confused as you all are on the results of that battle, and-"
Cupo interrupted this time, clearly not willing to hear an explanation out. "You're running out of trust, Human. We think you ought to be given a chance; as the empathy studies show, you're not the Arxur. But associating with them as you are, with little transparency is not doing you favors with us, and if you want further association with us, you'd best cut ties with those monsters sooner, rather than later." The Mazic's ears hung in displeasure, and I could sense the nervousness in Meier as he stood down one of the races in the room far bigger than he was. Whether Cupo knew it or not, Meier was intimidated by his presence, and was trying to keep it cool to some degree. "We'll at most help with the Gojid refugees at the moment, as they've suffered both of your kind, but beyond that, consider it on hold until that problem is resolved."
They walked away, and some of the alien crowd amongst them followed. The only ones still sticking around seemed to be a Yotul diplomat, a Nevok, and a Fissan. The latter two stuck obviously to discuss more trade details, seeking to cut the other off from Earth to a degree in hopes of exploiting the system, but the Yotul was a surprise. I didn't even realize they had sent one this way.
Given the relatively new uplift of their world, I didn't imagine the Yotul having much stake or spread throughout the galaxy, so how did humanity...?
Meier turned to him. "Ah...Ambassador Laulo, I'm sorry you had to see that. We're...not doing so hot in the grand scheme of things, and some relations are boiling over as a result."
Laulo enthusiastically shook his head in denial. "No, it's okay! I understand the feeling of that persecution, even if it's for a different reason. Feels like the galaxy kicking you while you're already down."
"I appreciate any help we can get in regards to this. You're one of the very few races left that's pledged some sense of unconditional aid. I promise, with all I have in my power, I'll try and return the favor-Tarva!" Elias noticed my presence at last. "I...uh, how long have you been standing there?..."
"Long enough to hear most of it. I'm sorry the more neutral species aren't helping any, Meier. But that's not why I'm here, specifically. We need to talk about the human refugees."
Meier looked at me funny with that statement, as if he wasn't expecting something out of me. "I see...I hope it's not anything too bad, is it?"
I silently cringed at the exact words. Noah filled in the details in my stead. "Meier, the refugees here are seeing images of Earth, of those not too horribly in shock to do anything, there's been an uptick in suicides...a massive uptick. They aren't aware of the full story, due to the Venlil government's reluctance to publish the report sent here publicly. This remembrance speech better give the people here a semblance of peace, of stability, because there's an extreme lack of morale left in the camps."
Meier grimaced and scanned the crowd, glancing at the humans that were here. I assume he too could see how dejected many were, how many seemed at the end of their rope, coming here for the slightest hint of hope left in their lives at the news. They would need some good news, or there was a chance some wouldn't be here tomorrow.
I felt for them. They didn't deserve this, and our intentional censor of the details, so that Meier could deliver the news likely didn't help with the rates.
"I get that Noah. I really do. What happened at Earth was a tragedy, and the death toll is nearly 800 million. You could likely gather a group of ten or so humans from anywhere, and one of them lost someone close to them. I'll...do my best to raise their spirits, there's plenty to talk about here. The alien diplomats just aren't making this easy..." Meier gestured to the clearly forming bloc of neutral species dignitaries that gathered in the room. They did not seem to want to talk further on any support of Earth until some demands were met, mostly on why things were kept so information-blackout heavy at first. The speech would have to be twofold, at raising human refugees' spirits, and at convincing some of the touchy species to support Earth.
His work was cut out for him.
"Did you wish for any assistance on that front, Meier?" Noah offered. His kindness shone through even in the depths of despair that wore
itself on humanity currently. His soul was purely sweet and kind, regardless of his predator disposition, I so deeply respected that about him.
They began to talk shop, Noah mentioning his current experiences with human refugees upon Venlil Prime, and what topics Meier ought to add on and hit on in his speech. As rushed of advice as it was, Meier seemed determined to fit it in somehow, but I knew he had a silver tongue, his capability to navigate and convince was downright bewildering, present company excepted of course. Nothing would get those species over his diet anytime soon, so I could only hope he could appeal to their empathy as another sentient in this case.
I believed in them. If anyone could turn the state of the galaxy around, it would be these two.
Memory transcription subject: Dorian Abder, Commons Member of Parliament
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
I sat on my desk, watching out the window of my office at the Westminster Palace, reminiscing on the sad scene outside. Another body under cloth cover, wheeled out on a stretcher from a home surrounded by paramedics. Another swept up in despair, seeing the state of our beautiful planet, of our populace, so brutally scarred, enough to take their own life.
How many was it, so far? Nearly a half-percent suicide rate for every hundred thousand in England? More than eight times the highest resting rate in our entire history. And we were hardly hit in comparison to the rest of the world...how are they doing if it's this bad here?
I leaned back in my chair, back cracking in old age, forcing myself away from the scene outside. I tried to not think about it, just tried to focus again on my work. On the coordination efforts with the UN, the Arxur, and any other races seeking to help. But it was a mountain of work ahead, a peak of papers I could barely see myself climbing in an entire week, let alone the mere day it was handed down here.
We've all lost someone. Not a single soul hasn't been touched by the Federation's bombing.
I thought about how the targeting of cities took. How they focused so heavily on Africa and Asia, the most booming corridors of population on Earth. How they erased 78 cities from existence before their fleet was devastated by The Sword. They weren't aiming to cripple humanity, on industrial depots and power plants, but to exterminate us. They aimed for the most populated cities first, before taking potshots at what remained.
Being put to the death by The Sword serves them right, they deserved judgement by that blade for what they had done.
Or, rather, the Nemesis, as reports had given us. A human ship, but not quite our humanity. A time traveler conveniently sent here by accident, saving us from extinction. An AI piloted ship that sought now to reunite with Earth having defended us. Given what remained of our Guardian Angel, I sought to do everything I could to make their welcome home a celebration, for they defended humanity in our darkest hour.
I recalled my journeys around the globe as a younger man. How my endless wanderlust took me to every corner of the globe in the wake of the Satellite Wars. How the global power vacuum led to so much relief efforts, as the less-touched nations finally had room to breathe, the canopy of carefully controlled superpowers no longer eating up their light needed to grow. How African countries like South Africa and Niger found themselves expanding to match the designation of First World. How beautiful the Seychelles were to see in person.
How my volunteering in the UN's Unfurled Umbrella Initiatives after the Treaty of Shanghai took me to the partially collapsed countries amidst Asia. How Tokyo, despite its immense infrastructure failure, dragged itself back to a powerhouse of a city, as Japan built for itself after so long. How China's government reformed into a Republic after the post-war coups, and how Taiwan finally opened its heart more to them for it. How Beijing found itself all the stronger for adversity.
How the South and Central Americas found themselves no longer under the impressive hand of the United States' geopolitical influence. How the first Diaspora vessels took off from Argentina, seeking to establish a government sentenced only to the annals of history on Earth upon the distant surfaces of Mars. How they were so determined to prove the world wrong on its presuppositions of how a place should be ruled, free of the influence of bullying countries. And how their dream led to the now Martian Collective.
I thought of all the other places the UN took me. Of Cairo, and its deep connection to our most prominent civilization of the ancient past. Of Istanbul, to see the beauty of mixing Christian and Islamic influence over centuries of swapping hands. Of the stunning ports of Singapore, an industrial powerhouse of a nation, so tightly packed into one single city. Of the stunning silver forest of skyscrapers that was New York City, still kicking even after the devastation of the Satellite Wars. Mumbai, Baghdad, Lagos, Mogadishu, Guadalajara, Rio De Janeiro, Berlin. How I drank in all the beauty and magnificent history and culture of the world, and was all the fuller a person for it. These and so many more.
I thought of the honey farmer I met by the Saigon River; how Châu Được's family had kept the traditional job going for so long, and divinely sweet their harvest was they shared with me. I thought of Dari Qazi, how the humble Afghani-borne man had found himself at the forefront of a secular revolution in Pakistan, reaching unrivaled progress not seen since the 1980's. I remembered the ambitious young woman in Monterrey, Mexico, who talked to me of her dreams to build spaceships for the Diaspora program, how she wished dearly she could leave a mark on history, and how now her name was on the finest rockets of the age.
All gone. Dust on the wind. Atomized debris now. Their homes, their families, their history gone, according to reports of which cities have evaporated to bedrock.
Thousands of years of history, erased in moments by antimatter over Rome. Los Angeles was reduced to the basin it was built on those long years ago in America. Cape Town's hard fought for progress from humble beginnings to the most populous and prosperous city in all of Africa, wiped from the record in an instant. Seven-hundred and eighty million dead in the span of an hour.
All those years spent, traveling around the world, drinking in the sights, to know they will never return. To know they are gone and buried, snuffed out by a bloody cruel universe, filled with utterly contemptible aliens. A deep voice spoke inside me on a loop, constantly asking an enraging question.
"Did it all mean nothing to you, Dorian?"
There was only one answer I considered giving to that accusation. To the monsters that took so many lives and homes from humanity, merely for having the gall to eat differently. What answered back blistered with hatred, yet kept frigidly focused.
"It meant everything to me."
Something clicked inside; the Federation wouldn't get away with this. We deserved justice. I rustled through my desk drawers, looking for old contacts from my political days. The stacks of papers on my desk could wait, this was more important. I needed to make some calls. Humanity deserved better, and I knew just how we could get it. But it would require a far more coordinated effort than just me. No, it needed a movement.
The galaxy will hear us. One way or another, we deserve justice. And we have just the circumstances to deliver it...
Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: October 22, 2136
"-the sting of these days will someday pass. Maybe not in the near future, maybe not even in our lifetime, but we will one day no longer feel his pain, this suffering. Until that day comes, we will not go gently into that dark night, we will live on, mourn our dead, defend those still living, and make humanity known to the galaxy that it will not roll over when faced with such hostility. To those who support us even now, I thank you deeply to the core, and ask for a moment of silence to those lost both above and on Earth...to those who would stand with the Federation, who did so cruelly act upon us, we urge you to reconsider, and turn away, for we bring not a olive branch, but a sword. Those species governments that did this will not get away with this, and those who stood aside and watched...either choose a side, or be labeled on one for your inaction. Thank you."
Meier finished his speech with that, and some applause was heard from human refugees amidst the crowd, but a majority remained mostly quiet, in remembrance of the lives lost. A good majority of the dignitaries from the Federation neutral races had already left by this point, so the pointed message at the end likely missed them personally, even if they listen in later. It was a good speech, but it felt...infused with something that was clearly not Meier's normal calm. It was like seeing a side I had never seen with him before, not rant-angry, but mad nevertheless, hidden behind a veneer of diplomatic politeness.
Noah put it in terms I thought best as Meier walked off stage. "You're a bit more of a firebrand than I thought Meier, but nevertheless a good speech! I'm glad you tied in what advice I could give for the refugees here so smoothly."
Meier smiled at that, a cathartic smile that spoke of being proud of what he delivered just a moment ago. I could only imagine he was aching with tension over the pain of so much loss of life, it was only fair that he be angry at the galaxy at large for it, and make it heard.
"Thank you, Noah. I sincerely mean every word of it. The Federation must not escape scot-free for what they have done, and already now at home we're preparing to bring the fight back to them." He looked at me. "We'll...obviously not go as far as the Federation did, but I speak for everyone in that humanity is not happy, and it shows. Even the refugees that came here looking a mere instant from giving up seem a bit resolved now to that goal. I just wish more were on our side to start...I never wanted war, but the galaxy's forcing it."
"I'm so sorry, Meier. My deepest sympathies for how the galaxy has treated you and yours. Despite the hiccups recently, I guarantee we'll still remain close allies; humanity deserves nothing less."
The remainder of the species in the remembrance assembly started to funnel out; it was mostly just humans and Venlil at this point, but a few stuck around. The Yotul ambassador, Laulo, was an obvious one amongst the stragglers, clearly meaning to talk with Meier and us further. As the room became more and more empty he walked over to us once again.
"Meier! Your speech was wonderful, full of spice and vigor, yet calming all the same. It was like a call to arms while smoking spiritwood. The Federation stragglers hopefully will reconsider!"
I felt a little weirded out by his choice of focus in the speech on The Federation, rather than humanity, but I responded in Meier's stead positively: "Yes, Meier's an expert in political and social matters. Anyways, what did you want? You seem to be just hanging around, waiting for a moment here."
"Ah...yes, about that..." Ambassador Laulo nervously tugged at his uniform. "I was sent here initially just in good faith for humanity, as we knew what it must've felt like for the Federation to bully you so immensely. But this second visit, to the gala itself...we actually want to propose something to Humanity and the Venlil, but I wanted to wait for Federation sympathizing eyes and ears to be far away from here first."
He looked somewhat desperate, but resolved. "We're planning on breaking off from the Federation. Their influence on our planet is awful, given what they've done to us during the uplift. They seek to repress our culture, they constantly call us backward, and primitive, hardly capable of thinking for our own in this galaxy. We're tired of it, but we still are partially relying on their technological development to get to this point, and we don't have a proper fleet made. Your space is closest to ours, and we hoped-"
Meier finished "-that'd we begin our war fronting towards Leirn first? Free your people from the Federation? I'll gladly bring it up with our military advisors. You helped us, we help you back."
Laulo sighed in relief at that, a huge weight taken off their shoulders. "T-thank you. Thank you so much for this. Leirn has sought to be free of their grasp ever since we learned their intentions were not pure. You've been the first species to actually care to some degree, and were our only hope out of this mess."
"Don't thank us just yet. If you'd like to get in contact with our military, I can set you up with some Generals and your government as a liason for the war. You can coordinate anything on your side of the bargain to us through them, and make this smoother." Meier handed him a card, and waved over a human attendant of his to Laulo. She talked with him as the two walked away, and Meier remained.
Noah turned to me, a warm hand scruffing my fur. "I know the state of things doesn't look too great, love, but it could be so much worse. We'll make due with what we can get, and hopefully the galaxy will be a better place for it. Don't worry, all will be well someday."
I believed him. Who wouldn't believe in humanity?
First Prev Next (soon)

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, while Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis centre or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation. I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

I work in an office that is located on the first floor of a residential building in a city. Unfortunately for whatever reason, the people who made this part of the building an office space did not think we needed our own restrooms. So in order to use the restroom we have to leave our office space, walk across the lobby through the gym, into the pool room and use one of the two single-stall gender neutral pool bathrooms there.
Now this is obviously annoying but wouldn't be that much of an issue except it means sharing these restrooms with whoever has access to the gym/pool area. Though these doors are kept locked and are only supposed to be used by people who have a key, I wonder about what type of people are let in there. The bathrooms also have a shower and I think sometimes this attracts people who may not have access to showers themselves as the hand soap had often gone missing and been found in the shower or sometimes just disappeared altogether. Also these bathrooms are open to whatever service men are working on the building as they are the only public restrooms in the building. This seems callous but I wish this weren't the case as they track in dirt, soil, rubble, dust and leave it all over all the surfaces in the restroom including the toilet seat (how they manage to get visible dirt on their bare asses enough to leave some behind I will never know). Also for whatever reason, very often, these men stink. And seeing as the bathrooms are gender neutral and they help themselves to both, there is no way to escape the odors of their BO (yes it is that strong sometimes) cigarettes, or excrement that they leave behind. Pretty sure I smelled meth after the carpet replacement guy left the bathroom one time.
This is just the beginning though. For some reason I have encountered grosser things in the supposedly "private" restrooms than I have in any other public restroom in my life, including feces smeared along the wall by the door, well out of the stall itself. Most recently this morning I walk into the stall to find the toilet full of vomit. Now I feel we may have a serial non-flusher who uses this restroom regularly as it is not uncommon to find feces or urine left behind (mysteriously without toilet paper) but a toilet full of vomit is the first.
I have emetophobia and mild contamination OCD as a result, so this was particularly distressing for me. And though I have sanitized my self and my office I still can't bring myself to eat my breakfast. It doesn't help that the water in the bathroom sinks never get any hotter than lukewarm, and once again, the soap is missing, so I know no thorough hand-washing occurred.
The apartments in this building are relatively expensive, more than I could afford on my $50K/year salary. So I doubt its a tenant doing these things.
I am just sick of this bathroom situation. I love my job but I am SO tired of walking into the bathroom with trepidation about what biohazard I might have to encounter.

As discussed in the first post, this is my ongoing compilation of the remaining questions Christopher has answered online between August 1st 2023 and April 30th 2024 which I've not already covered in other compilations.
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused on the essence of the Murtagh book and character. This installment will cover additional Murtagh-related questions, such as about specific elements of the writing process. The next post will cover the writing and publication of Eragon.

Further Details about Writing Murtagh

Creating the Maps

For Murtagh I did all the maps after writing the book, but that's because I already knew all the locations and was familiar with them from writing the series. So I didn't need to do the maps before writing the book. [12]
What is your system for drawing maps? I usually start by thinking of what I want a location to look like. And that has nothing to do with a map. That's usually just thinking about how it will serve the story. And then the map will be based off of that. The biggest decision is usually what the style of the map should be, whether I want to do like a top-down city map for a place, or if I want it to be a more of a realistic image. So more of, let's say, a landscape painting, one could say, or if I want to do something that's more allegorical and evocative or symbolic, which there's actually one of those in Murtagh that really isn't a map, but it's a symbolic map, let's put it that way. And all of that is governed by what is the effect I hope to achieve with the reader. Because if it doesn't achieve the effect I want, then what's the point of doing it. I do try to avoid maps where I have to draw every single building if it's a city map because that's just annoying. I'd rather draw mountains than cities. [12]
I love the sort of top-down look, which is why I drew the the original map for Eragon in this style. [12]
Maps are an awesome thing, and they add so much to a world. And that's why I love drawing them, and I love finding them in books I'm reading. And it's also why I make such an effort to draw and paint maps for my own books. [12]

Favorite Parts

What kind of scenes do you enjoy writing most? I really empathize with the characters, so I find it difficult to write scenes where they experience difficulties. I like to write scenes where people wonder about the world, or where the story reaches a climax. With Murtagh, for example, this is the confrontation at the end of the book. Or the fight with the big fish, Muckmaw. There are also quiet moments that I enjoy writing. Again in Murtagh, when Silna – the werecat child – kisses Murtagh's head, that was a very special moment. I like to write things that have meaning and that requires context, so you have to build up to moments that are meaningful, both for myself as a writer and for the reader. [23]
Do you have a favorite moment in the book between Thorn and Murtagh? I have a couple of them. There's a moment after the encounter with Muckmaw when they exchange true names that I quite liked. The end of the Gil'ead sequence. Thorn has an appearance at the end of that sequence, which was rather dramatic. And then right near the end of the book, Thorn gets a crowning moment of awesome, one might say, to use internet speak. But Thorn really, he comes through in a pinch, and I just loved writing that. [32]
What was your favorite scene or moment that you wrote for Murtagh? I'd say the last chapter, and I'm not gonna say why, but I think it's obvious. There's a scene with a creature named Muckmaw, which I quite enjoy. Not just the confrontation with Muckmaw, the aftermath in the water. I was reading Blood Meridian at the time, and I think that influenced my descriptions. And there is a point in the story where something is renamed. And that was a very meaningful scene for me. Also, there's a werecat in the book and I love werecats. They're so much fun to write. [34]
What is your favorite line you've written? The first line I wrote for Murtagh before I had anything really for the book, I thought it was going to be the first line of the book and it ended up being partway through the first chapter, and it was "A man with a dragon is never truly alone." Which since he's an outcast the whole theme of being alone or not alone is kind of relevant. [33]
My favorite good/bad line from Murtagh is: “The water was like liquid ice.”.. . . Yeah, yeah. I know. But you understand what I meant! And that’s the point of writing. Ahahaha!* I didn't notice! just imagined really cold water Can’t tell you how many times I stepped into the Yellowstone River and thought: “This feels like ice! But liquid.” [T]

Providing Context

In the acknowledgments section you said you owe your agent some sushi? Yes! I bet him a sushi dinner, an expensive new York sushi dinner, that I could keep Murtagh under the length of Eragon. And I got close. The first draft was one hundred and sixty eight thousand words long. Eragon is one hundred and fifty six thousand words long. And I figured well I usually drop about ten percent of length in editing, so I thought I'd do that. The problem is I hate over explaining things. I know that sounds incredibly hypocritical based off what I've actually written, but because of my experiences of over explaining things, I've really tried to not do that as much, and so I wrote the book assuming that someone had read the Inheritance Cycle and remembered it. So I didn't explain what a lot of things were because I assumed the reader knew. And my editor came back and said "Christopher, I know what you're doing, but you can't do that. Because someone might pick this up without having read the Inheritance Cycle. And even if someone read the Inheritance Cycle, it's been twelve years. So provide a little context." Well, that ended up being thirty-three thousand words, give or take. So now we're at one hundred and ninety eight thousand words, so I owe my agent a sushi dinner. [17]
It's always interesting to me to see how people do their first chapters in a series. Because I always feel like chapter one is like "previously on..." It's funny. I wrote my latest book with basically no callbacks or explanations of established information. After four books and a million published words, you kind of think people have it under their belt. And my editor came back and she was like, "It's been eleven years since the last book, even if people are fans of the series, you got to give them a little more." So usually when I write a first draft, it drops by about 10% in editing. And with that book, it went up by 33,000 words, which all of it was basically context, which was interesting. So that was a first for me. I'm a kitchen sink author, so I throw everything in and then I usually cut back during editing. [33]
I would love to write books that are more around the length of 100,000 to 150,000 words. Like that's a good, solid length. That's where I was shooting for with Murtagh, but for some reason my editor kept asking me to add more and more stuff so we ended up close to 200,000 words. [1]
Final word count of Murtagh is 198,983 words. So my editor had me ADD about 34,000 words to the book over the course of editing/revising. Ha! That's a first. [T]

Gil'ead Sequence

Interesting choice to break it up into the sections of each city. Just the section in Gil'ead is basically a novel on its own. There's a full arc in Gil'ead that would be a normal size novel for any other writer. I nearly split it into two volumes, actually, there. But my editor said, "no, don't do that". The funny thing about Gil'ead is that actually was not in my original outline. The whole sequence. And the reason is that, for me, I was envisioning a much shorter book. And the whole thing was going to be them going to the village and dealing with Bachel. So let's get to the village as quickly as possible. So we'll just have a chapter or two at the beginning of getting the information. Well, storytelling 101, you can't make it easy for the character. So having Murtagh just be able to go get that information somewhere, find it out, just felt too easy. Also, I kind of locked myself into a little path because the first chunk of the book is reworking the short story from The Fork, the Witch, and the Worm. And at the end of that, Murtagh does not have the information he needs. So he can't get it from the people he interacts with in that chapter, which if I were writing Murtagh as a complete standalone, I could have considered that. So then I thought, "well, he'll go to Gil'ead and we'll have a really quick thing there. And he'll get his information." I started writing it the way I originally envisioned. But again it was too easy. So it was like, "OK. There needs to be a challenge here. What else is going on? How does it tie into my larger world and story?" And it does. There's some unresolved storylines there, but it does tie into the larger stuff I'm going to later. And then it was half the book. Seriously. At the end of the following chapter, right after Gil'ead, is almost perfectly 50% through the book. I'm sure everyone's heard of the three act play, but there's a competing theory of storytelling, which I'm actually very fond of, which is the five act play. So you have two acts at the beginning, two acts at the end, and then your middle act, and then you have an act in the middle. And in that middle act, you have a tipping point where your character sort of sees what they need, or sees what they can become. They ultimately see their own solution to their problems, but then the rest of the back half of the story is them grappling with that solution, coming to terms with it. And that actually worked, it was not intentional, but it worked out perfectly with the structure of this book. The structure of this book is also directly inspired by some of the structuring that I did in my sci-fi novels and I carried some of it back into Alagaësia. [11]
In regard of Murtagh or any other part of your work, what's the most intense moment for you during the creative process when you are in the midst of writing a novel? A lot of it is intense. I'm gonna divide it into two sections. The creative process itself, in the sense that where I'm creating the story and the characters and the world. In this case, of course, the world was pretty much in place, but in the outlining phase, I should say, that's a lot of fun. There's some pressure in the sense that I know if I don't get it right in that stage, that no matter how well I write the book, it won't hang together particularly well for the reader. So there's strain in that sense that I really want to get it right. But I wouldn't say there's any real pressure, because there's no deadlines at that point. I'm not actually writing the book. During the writing itself, there's definitely strain and intensity in wanting to get it right and do a good job of writing each individual scene and chapter and storyline. And sometimes that can get difficult, especially if I feel like I'm not really getting where I need to get in terms of the effect on the reader. I had that in a couple places in the first draft with Murtagh. One was with the character Bachel herself, who was quite different in the first draft. And then another one actually was the whole Gil'ead sequence, where my original idea for that sequence is actually what happens now in terms of the werecat kittens and all of that. And then I second guessed myself and thought, "well, maybe that's a little cheesy. Maybe I won't have a ticking clock element to that sequence. So I'm just gonna not have that, but he'll still have these various adventures in order to earn this information from the werecat Carabel." And the problem is it removed any sense of tension from that sequence. So I ended up having to rework a lot of the Gil'ead sequence to reintroduce that element, bring in the tension and make it all work. But both of those things happened in the second chunk, which I was gonna say is revision. And revision and editing tends to be the most intense part of the process, because at that point we're usually under deadline. We've committed to a release date and things are happening on the business side of things, that are sort of like unstoppable forces. The ticking clock in the real world. And that tends to be the most intense part because it's not that I can't do the work, I always can and I always am able to get where I wanna go. I'm not stressed about that, it's just instead of having two months to do something, now you got to do it in two weeks, and oh hey, you got a new baby you got to take care of at the same time. And that's what makes it really intense. [19]
One of the things that I loved about the very first half of this novel is that it is a quintessential RPG action adventure. Because poor Murtagh gets pushed and pulled willingly and unwillingly in the strangest directions. Yeah, he's on the series of fetch quests. It's funny. I've had a bunch of people react differently to that. I've seen people who kind of hate it and really love it, and a lot of people who say, "Well, Christopher's just writing out his D&D session". I literally have never played D&D except for my recent trip down to the Authors in the Dungeon down in Utah. So I don't play D&D. I have no one here to play it with. The only RPGs I've ever played are Skyrim and the Mass Effect series. My logic with that sequence was there was a whole lot we needed to see about Murtagh's back history without rehashing the Inheritance Cycle, without actually going back and rewriting scenes from his point of view. And just doing it all in flashbacks and dreams gets a bit tedious. On top of that, originally that sequence wasn't in the book I was going to write. I was going to start with essentially the opening. And then we were going to go to Nal Gorgoth fairly quickly in the book. But it just made it too easy. No one's going to give them the information for free. There's always a price attached to information. There had to be difficulty in getting it. And then once I was digging into that, I was like, okay, how can I use this to show some aspects of Murtagh's character, and then how will that then get reflected in the second half of the book? And how will that let me inform what happens in the second half of the book? And I really enjoyed that stuff. Muckmaw was a particular favorite of mine. [32]

Thorn

One of the things that we get a lot of in this book that was really wonderful after reading Inheritance, was Thorn's-- we don't really get his POV, but we get some POV through Murtagh of him. I think he only has one line in the entire Inheritance Cycle. In the last book. And we get a lot of him here. And we get a very different Rider-Dragon relationship between him and Murtagh versus Saphira and Eragon. What was the process of crafting that relationship to be similar in its like magical quality, but also different in the fact that they had a very trying kind of hatching? Well that was the key right there. I wanted it to feel different while still maintaining the sense that they'll back each other up no matter what, which they have in the past. That's an important part of that. But Murtagh is kind of a difficult personality himself. Thorn, as we see in the book, of course, had a very, very difficult upbringing under Galbatorix and then later on. And that leaves scars. That leaves marks. So trying to find a way to reflect that in the relationship without having them also just be at each other's throats, because they're not. They are being supportive. But at the same time, it's perhaps an overused word these days, but they have trauma that they are having to battle. [11]
One of my favorite things is the relationship between Murtagh and Thorn--they’re such a lonely duo, but it allows the book to kind of delve into that dragon/rider bond in a new way. What sets their relationship apart do you think? Murtagh and Thorn were joined under the most difficult of circumstances, and that shapes their interactions in a thousand different ways. Their relationship is more, ah, thorny than Eragon and Saphira’s, but they also still love each other and would lay down their lives for one another, should the occasion demand it. I found their interactions really interesting to write. Also, it felt important that I didn’t directly replicate Eragon and Saphira’s relationship. Murtagh and Thorn are very different beings, and readers should see that. [15]
What is the relationship between Murtagh and his dragon Thorn? Thorn's egg hatched when they were imprisoned by King Galbatorix. The two friends have been tortured and manipulated. They retain many traumas. They care deeply for each other and are closely bonded. But their relationship is more difficult than that of Eragon and his dragon Saphira. [4]

Claustrophobia

I definitely got choked up with just Thorn and his claustrophobia and how it was written, how it was handled, everything surrounding it. Out of pure curiosity, do you or do someone you know have that kind of claustrophobia that you were able to speak to about? No. A large part of the act of writing is the act of imagination, just like with acting. But even though there's no one in my life who suffers from that, when I'm writing Thorn or anyone who might feel that, I do my best to feel what they're feeling, which is why when writing scenes or a large chunk of a book where perhaps things are difficult for the characters, I have a bad time. Yeah, I hope you take breaks. Yeah, that's where it's good to go play with the kids and take a load off one's mind. But some of the battle scenes in Inheritance really got to me at times, because I'm thinking actually especially in Inheritance, but also in Brisingr, there were some large set pieces, battles. And it just takes a couple of weeks to write sometimes. And that's a long time to have your head in blood and guts. [11]

Bachel

You write so many diverse women in your books that we really enjoy. Between Arya, Angela, Nasuada, Queen Islanzadi, you write fantasy with women in positions of power, with agency and with action. And then we get to this book and we meet this villain, Bachel, and she's basically like, "what if Angela was evil?" I hadn't thought of it that way. I was reading the book. I was like, "Did Christopher Paolini and his sister have a fight? What changed in that relationship?" Because she's awful. So I've watched a lot of movies in my life, and a lot of old movies too. I was thinking of some of the classic actresses from the Golden Age of Hollywood who would come on the screen with a very imperious feel, like Sunset Boulevard or All About Eve or some of those films. And Bachel is sort of in that category of presence. And I think it's exactly what was needed to put Murtagh off balance. I was also thinking of Kai Winn from Deep Space Nine. I've always said that Kai Winn and from Harry Potter the headmistress Umbridge, and Hyacinth Bouquet from the British show Keeping Up Appearances. The three of them in a room together will be like a nuclear explosion. When you were approaching bringing this book from the short story about The Fork into a full novel, at what point did you create this character and where did she come from? I had a general idea before writing Murtagh, of course. I did a lot of plotting and preparatory work, but you never know how a character is going to come across until you write the first draft. And in the first draft, Bachel was not as successful as she is now, I think. I was writing the first draft quickly, and I was thinking of the stories a little bit more of like a Edgar Rice Burroughs style adventures. You go off into the jungle, and you find a hidden temple and lost civilization sort of thing. And as a result, in the first draft, Bachel was much more vampy. I really went hard on that angle. And then looking back over, it's like it didn't work. And it was so cliche and obvious. It was like, yeah, I needed to find another approach. So I kept reworking Bachel with each cycle of revision and it was getting better. The character was getting better and better, but I wasn't fully committing to the change. And it was right at the end of revisions. I mean, we were down to the wire and my editor said, we're still not quite there. And even though I hated to have to have any more work at that point, I knew she was right. So I went in. We're talking with a week to spare before we went to the printers. And I rewrote the first four chapters or so when he gets to the village. I rewrote pretty much every line of dialogue of hers and every description of her to bring it to where we are. And then I was like, "OK, now it works", and my editor agreed. She is terrifying and one of those characters that's not mustache twirly evil, but has so much evil within her. She thinks she can do no wrong, that she is always doing the right thing and that she knows what's best for all the people around her. And as a result is capable of anything. So all of which is to answer your question, her character was an iterative process to get where she needed to go. [11]
I try to imagine what it is to create characters and if some of them have the purpose to be a particular message or stand as a parable for a message or an idea and if yes, what does Bachel mean to you in a deeper way? I think the Bachel to me represents unquestioning belief and also the tyranny of unchecked power and control over people's lives. I think what differentiates Bachel from a real world cult leader, for example, and this actually kind of made it interesting to me, is that the Dreamers and Bachel are rational in the sense that they are believing in something that actually exists. The power that they are in awe of and that they are afraid of and that they worship actually exists. And the same is true of the priests of Helgrind. So in a sense they are not irrational to have that reaction. You might argue it's the wrong reaction. I would argue that they're overdoing it and the reaction is wrong and perhaps even evil, but they have more reason for their belief than a lot of people sometimes do because they have physical evidence on an ongoing basis of their object of worship. But again, Bachel would to me represent unchecked fanatical belief as well as personal exploitation of one's power over others. [19]
The cult experience in the pages of Murtagh eerily echoed in some ways certain experiences I've had with religion. Could you talk about where that part of your writing came from or how you went about writing it? I understand why that comment's anonymous, and I'm going to kind of adhere to that philosophy of anonymity here. Without going into details, I've had some family members who were in a cult at one point. And that occasioned quite a bit of discussion in my life growing up. Although the cult might seem, and probably is, completely over the top and cartoony in some ways, you would be astounded by how much of that was essentially true to life. Let's put it this way, playing Far Cry 5, if anyone's familiar with that, was a distinctly uncomfortable experience for me. So I did whatever I do when I encounter something uncomfortable. I played the game like four times in a row. [34]
No matter how outlandish a belief seems, it can be completely realistic in your world. Especially if you have people committed to it. I've had family members who've been in a cult at one point. That was interesting. So I've had firsthand experience seeing a lot of this stuff in person, and I used some of that in my latest book. [25]
How come Bachel is pronounced like that when it’s only one little line away from Rachel? The English language hurts my head. Because it’s not from English, and I wanted it to sound different from every other name in the series. [T]

Puce

In Murtagh I have a dragon who's not supposed to be a very nice dragon. I gave him the worst color I could. I have a puce dragon. And mind you, I don't necessarily mind the color itself. It's just for those who don't know, the original definition of the word puce is the color of dried flea blood. So it's a puce dragon. [33]

Traumatic Sequences

What was it like cranking up the anxieties of it, the horrors of it? It feels more mature this time around. Well, good. Murtagh is a more mature character, and he's always had a harder road to walk than Eragon. So, going easy on him was never an option, but it was hard to write. It's hard to put my mind in difficult situations for days on end, weeks on end, months on end when writing and editing. It takes a toll on you emotionally. At least, that's my experience because I empathize with the characters and the world. But at the same time, it's so interesting dramatically that I can't avoid it. Actually [the reason] why I wrote the book was that last chunk of the book. That's what everything leading up to was building and hopefully supporting so that when that hits, you're there going, “Oh my god.” [6]
There is a extended period of this book uh that is very traumatic. That is the darkest I think the series ever gets. Where did you find the line? Were there any drafts where you felt like you went too far with that section or where you had to pull it back? Yes. Not a huge amount though. First of all, I throw everything in in my first drafts, kitchen sink, because you can always dial it back, whatever it is. Even if it's a funny scene, it's like I push it as far as I can and then see how it hits the audience. So in the sequence you're talking about, there was one thing in particular I did that I actually don't want to talk about, that I cut out during editing at my editor's very wise advice, and I'm really glad I did. But that was a thing. Because I was like how far can I take this, and that was too far. [11]
Hopefully this is not scaring anyone off from reading Murtagh. No, it's fantastic. And I think just because it is darker doesn't mean it's bad. I think that it's honestly a perfect natural progression from the Inheritance Cycle to this character. I think it's what the character needed. I also don't think it's depressing, ultimately. [11]
Tell me a little about how you see Murtagh’s journey in this book. He’s certainly on a much darker road than his half-brother, how was it getting to write a story that has more mature themes? I found it enormously rewarding to write about a character who is both more mature and more complicated than Eragon was for the majority of the Cycle. Especially now that I’m older myself. Dramatically, Murtagh (and Thorn!) presented all sorts of interesting opportunities, and I did my best to take advantage of them in this book. Also, since a lot of my readers have grown up with the series, even as I did, I wanted to give them a book that would satisfy them as much as it will also hopefully satisfy younger readers. [15]
As a fifteen-year-old boy I would never have been able to imagine such a flawed character as a central figure, but I now view life very differently. And you notice that my readers who have grown along with me also see these extra shades of gray. [18]
Murtagh is indeed a more mature book than Eragon. Did you write it that way on purpose? Yes, Murtagh is an older character in the story than he or Eragon were in the first books. He is also a complicated person. And my readers have grown up with me in the meantime. So I felt it was important to write a book where my oldest readers would see my progression as writing, and read about characters they could once again identify with. At the same time, new readers should not be forgotten. That's why I wrote Murtagh in such a way that you can also read it without knowing the previous four books. I wanted to write a book that revolved around the difficult history of Murtagh and Thorn, but was still a fun adventure to read. [23]
If you love this fandom, why are you making us suffer so much with this book? I mean the ending redeems you a little bit but oh my god. I'm sure it's been an emotional rollercoaster for you too. There are parts of the story that are definitely very difficult for Murtagh and Thorn and part of that may be my own predilection for writing that sort of stuff but mostly it was that Murtagh has done some very unpleasant things in the Inheritance Cycle, especially to Nasuada. And he needed to come to terms with that, he needed to grapple that, he needed to face it. And there was no easy path forward for him. If I had done easy on Murtagh I feel like readers would have decided that I was cheating, going easy, and that Murtagh didn't actually have to face the consequences of his actions. Even if he wasn't a hundred per cent responsible for them at the time. I can assure you that, and I'll say this to other fans as well, after this story Murtagh is going to have an easier time of it. This book resolves his personal journey and Thorn's on a really fundamental level, and so life's going to be a little bit easier for Murtagh moving forward. [17]

Uvek

So going to Uvek, you've introduced another Urgal. I think that for a lot of readers, the twist on the Urgals in Eldest. They are not just beastial orcs or Uruk-hai or whatever other franchise does with them, Trollocs for Wheel of Time. They are this sentient race that wants to join the fight on the side of good. I think that that shook me when I first read it. How was it bringing another lead character really from that race into the book? And one of the things I really loved about the book is the scene where they're flying to the village, and they see the village of Urgals. And they're just playing with bows. They're just having a normal day. And he has this moment internally where he's like, "oh, maybe I need to be more inquisitive?" Uvek is one of my favorite characters from the book. I like the Urgal culture. I find it interesting. I wouldn't want to live next to an Urgal village, necessarily, especially since I have kids. But dramatically, creatively, they're really interesting to write about. And trying to balance them in the sense that they're a warrior culture like, we could say, the Klingons. But the Klingons take it to such a degree that realistically, you start asking the question of, how have they survived? How do they build a space-frame civilization when it seems like they tear each other apart super quickly? So with the Urgals, I wanted to show more. And in fact, in The Fork of the Witch and the Worm, the largest of the stories in that is The Worm, which is an Urgal story. And since I was looking at ways of exploring the idea of Murtagh and Thorn's relationship with society, being an outcast, all of that. The Urgals are outcasts in the land also. The other races aren't particularly fond of them. That was a nice connection to bring in and reflect off of Murtagh, so to speak. [11]

Typos

I just got off a very fresh reread of Murtagh. I just sent in typo corrections and a couple little tweaks here and there for the reprints. [32]
You mention in Murtagh that Murtagh's Gedwëy ignasia is on his right hand, but I think the community assumed it was on his left from Eldest. We're we all wrong or is that a continuity error I found? Typo. Getting fixed in reprints. [T]

Divers

I've seen a couple of questions about this, so -- for the record, "divers" is not a typo of "diverse". (Probably got too clever for my own good, but there you go.) Archaic language in fantasy books?!?! Say it ain't so! The language is half the fun. :D [T]
Not a typo. :D Archaic word. [T]
If this hypothetical typo is “divers” … that’s actually the correct word and not a typo. If it’s something else, just send a pic and we’ll get it fixed in reprints. [T]
CHRIS WHAT IS THIS? An excellent and archaic word. [T]
*sigh* . . . “divers” is a real word. Not a typo (and it doesn’t mean those who dive in the water) [T]
I mean, "divers" isn't a typo, so . . . That said, if you do find typos in Murtagh, feel free to tweet them at me. We'll get 'em fixed in reprints. Happens with every book. [T]
Heh. Good thing “divers” is actually a word (and it doesn’t mean someone diving into water). [T]
The thing I want to talk to you about today is Twitter drama. You've been getting in tons of fights with readers lately on Twitter. You've been saying some really awful and hateful things to them just because they're pointing out typos in your book. What's the deal with this "divers" typo? Yes, on the first page of Murtagh there's a word "divers", which is an archaic word that means many or a multitude or different things. And too many people think that I'm referring to scuba divers. So it is a fight worth having. You make up fake words all the time. You're a fantasy author. I think the difference here is that you've made up a fake word which also has a real world definition, a person who dives as a sport, and you've put it on the front page of Murtagh without any context clues provided as to how we should interpret this. This is a book that's part of a world that no one has read in more than 10 years. So don't you think that maybe you should apologize to your readers who have waited all this time for a quality product only to be let down by an "archaic" word, aka a typo, on the first page? Absolutely. In fact, I had a conversation with my editor about this before heading out on book tour and we'll be reprinting the books but we're going to translate it all into Pig Latin which should make it more understandable for readers. [31]

Reading Order

I didn't read FWW,should I read it before read Murtagh? I Thought it was a spin-off book. You don't have to read it ... but I would. It acts as a direct lead-in to Murtagh Honestly I'm finding it shocking the number of people who haven't read FWW. There's a solution to that. . . . (Why does that sound mildly threatening?) [T]
Even if you haven't read the other books I think you can certainly enjoy Murtagh as much or even more. [12]
Is Murtagh Book 5 in the story about Eragon/Alagaësia? Yes [R]
Murtagh is a direct inline full-length sequel to the series, even though it has a different main character. [1]
I just finished Fractal Noise last night, and when you mentioned in the afterward about another book for a certain Eragon character, I was hoping it would be him. Yeah, I wanted to mention Murtagh on the "Also By" page in Fractal Noise, but we weren't sure if Murtagh was getting announced before Fractal Noise got released to early readers. [T]

The internet is a strange place, inadvertently designed to bring out the best and worst in people. People can be whoever or whatever they want to be. For predators and malignant narcissists and who live in their own delusions to begin with, it's like a hunting ground. They can create whatever persona they wish, fill their victims' heads with lies and half-truths that paint them out to be someone they are not, and by the time their victim actually meets them, it's too late - they've already created an image in their mind of this perfect person the narcissist has convinced them they are, and it usually takes time before the curtain comes down, the lies fall apart, and the mask breaks away.
I'm no saint, and I've learned my own tough lessons from the internet. I grew up under not-so-great circumstances, only getting 5 years of education before I turned 18 and was largely raised by a computer screen. Along the way, I catfished a woman in her mid-20's when I was 14-16 years old. It wasn't intentional at first, I told everyone that I was in my mid-20's and I worked as a bouncer at a bar in NYC. I never meant any harm, I was just raised by a computer and spent all my time alone playing MMOs and learned quickly that if I told people how old I was, they'd stop playing with me. So a bouncer seemed like a job I could bullshit about easily enough, and I was a big dude at 6'1 260lbs so I figured I could maybe pass it off as legit if it ever got hectic.
I started playing with this woman in her 20's and her husband frequently. We became friends fast, and soon we were virtually inseparable on the game. Her marriage ended up not working out, and after they separated she told me she had feelings for me. I should've admitted I wasn't who I said I was then, but I was young and dumb and she was the only real friend I had, so I kept up the ruse. Eventually I did come clean, and she broke it off with me not long after. We stayed friends, albeit with my heart hurting pretty bad, for a few months afterwards - until she met Jack.
When she first told me about Jack, he sounded like a great catch. He had his own IT business in Canada, was a couple years older but not by much, and she was infatuated with him. Obviously I was crushed and didn't handle it well, being a practically feral teenager at the time, so not long after they started getting serious she ghosted me altogether. I was around 17 at the time, and shit started going off the rails for me. After I got out of juvie, I started drinking heavily on a near-daily basis and selling and doing drugs. This led to a lot of pathetic, inebriated, desperate attempts to contact her and apologize for how I acted.
After months of being ignored, eventually grief and regret turned to anger, and finally acceptance. When the pain passed and I came to my senses a bit, I had an epiphany and realized that if I loved her as much as I thought I did, the best thing for both of us would be to let her go. I was a high school dropout with no job, selling drugs to get by. She had 2 kids, and what kind of life could I provide for them? She made the right choice, my age and the fact I made a grown woman fall in love with a teenager not withstanding, and as bad as it hurt I realized it was selfish of me not to accept the way things were and leave her alone, so I did.
10 years or so later, I had gotten my shit together. Worked my way up from cleaning dead shit out of swimming pools, to an entry level position at an environmental consulting firm, to a Project Manager at one of the largest firms in the field in the DC area. I'd met someone, got her pregnant, and for some reason I felt a pull to contact her again. Not to rekindle an old flame, but because she had been a tremendously positive influence on my life in a time where I had few. She was the first good thing I had in my life at a time when I was sleeping on old blankets on a hard floor in an abusive home, and what I'd held onto from our time together wasn't our romantic relationship, it was the best friend I'd ever had. And something made me want to tell her that all that work she put into getting my head right wasn't in vain, and I'd finally made it out of the gutter.
So I messaged her on Facebook, and to my surprise she actually responded. We started talking again, and soon it was back to every day. When my baby mama got back on drugs and turned abusive and was putting my daughter's life in jeopardy on a near-daily basis, she was the one who convinced me I could fight for custody - that I had to fight for custody. So I did, and I won, and I've had full custody of of my daughter since she was 6 months old and for the 10 years since.
But eventually we parted ways again. I'd started seeing someone, and part of me knew I couldn't commit to another woman while I was still carrying on with her. Our relationship had started turning romantic again, and she had dropped some hints about old Jack that would come to the forefront later, but she wasn't ready to leave him and I didn't want to be that guy, so I sent her a message explaining why we had to stop talking, apologized, and ghosted her.
7 more years went by after that night. The relationship I abandoned her for soured quickly when I found out that chick was a carbon copy of my baby mama, and I quit dating to focus on my career and raising my daughter. But on the long, 2+ hour commutes each way from work, I often found myself stuck pondering the "what ifs". What if I hadn't ghosted her? What if our age gap wasn't there, and we'd never had to split up to begin with? I knew in my soul I was never going to find someone like her again, but I made peace with it. I imagined her happy life, her kids with Jack, and convinced myself I made the right choice.
Then COVID hit, and near the start of it, I stumbled on a post on reddit about this dude who sent his high school sweetheart a message many years later apologizing for how he treated her and telling her how her presence impacted him, and I thought to myself, "Hey, I did that!". So I started writing a reply, and for the first time told the story of this girl and I. I'd never told a soul about what happened with us, not even my family or closest friends. Maybe it was the stigma of having an online relationship back in those days that carried over, or maybe it was just too personal to share with my friends or family. It got long, so eventually I just decided to start a new thread. When I was done, it was so long I figured no one would ever read it, but I hit submit anyway and put my phone down and got back to work.
Well, I was wrong. People did read it - a lot of people. Soon my phone started blowing up. Thousands of comments, hundreds of DMs, people offering me book deals and asking if they could have the rights for a screenplay or have me on their podcasts. It was fucking surreal, and being generally a private person who tries to fly under the rader, it got overwhelming fast. Eventually I reached out to her again on Facebook, warned her about what happened, and apologized for putting her business out there.
She didn't respond for a couple weeks, and when she did we started talking again almost immediately. And then in mid-April 2020, she told me that she needed to talk to me. She spilled everything, and told me exactly who Jack was. How he would hack into her devices to spy on her, threaten to kill her and her partner if she ever left him, say vile things to her and her daughters, calling the young girls cunts and bitches. How he alienated all her friends and family, and kept them all isolated in the house her parents bought them that he would rarely leave.
And I felt deceived too. All those years I'd convinced myself that she was happy, that she got together with Jack and was living the life she deserved. In reality, Jack intentionally got her pregnant not long after he flew out to her state the first time. He quickly moved into her house, and refused to work or provide not only for her kids or their kids, but for the other 3 children he abandoned in Australia and Canada who he had no relationship with, with 3 different women he victimized in the same manner. When she was 8 months pregnant with their first kid, she was working nights doing hospice care while he sat on his ass playing videogames all night and talking to his ex. In 17 years, this fucking loser with 7 kids by 4 women worked a grand total of 5 weeks, quit his job, claimed he got PTSD from the experience, and somehow manipulated his way into getting SSDI for it. They survived off SSDI and her parents' charity for years.
But Jack was reading all of this, because like I mentioned earlier, he was hacking her devices and watching us talk remotely. Jack knew the jig was up, and slowly started to unravel. She told him she wanted a divorce, and that she was not going to sever her friendship with me again. And he pretended to take that well, going as far as to try to befriend and manipulate me. He tried every trick to keep her he'd done for years - telling her he was going to get help and would change first, then when that failed he made suicide threats and somehow got his therapist to call her and tell her as long as she didn't leave him he wouldn't kill himself, and then he tried to intimidate her. Eventually he went off the rails completely and sexually assaulted her when he thought she was sleeping.
She called me from her parents' house crying the night it happened, and I convinced her to file a police report. She did, and a couple weeks later Jack got removed from the home, served with a protective order, and charged for sexual abuse. This of course did nothing to stop Jack - he broke into their house a couple days later when she and the kids were out to upload a folder of revenge porn to his Google Drive under the guise of wanting to drop off a cake for her birthday.
Then the stalking started. Jack would relentlessly message her all day and night on Facebook, switching between rage, trying to garner sympathy, convince her he would change, and threatening self-harm. We later found out via a cyber forensics report that he was hacking into the laptop she had taken with her while she hid at her parents' and had been so bold as to steal her Victim Impact Statement and send it to all his World of Warcraft buddies as a joke.
And he didn't just stalk her, he came for me too. Constant unauthorized attempts to access my accounts for everything from Windows to my bank, spam calls and emails - shit, the wormy little fuck even got his friends to stalk my social media and pretend to be strangers to gaslight me. I ignored all of it, and he got desperate enough to send me a lovely message attempting to extort and blackmail she and I, claiming he had "all my posts" but wouldn't do anything with them if I called him. The tipping point for me is when he subscribed to my small YouTube channel - which had nothing on it but 3 videos of my daughter. That veiled threat wasn't lost on me.
But Jack fucked up. I don't know if he thought his insane nonsense would scare me off, or if in his delusions he really thought he was the bad mother fucker he convinced himself he was, but Jack didn't know jack about me. I'm a crazy fuck too, and while he was sitting on his fat ass playing World of Warcraft all day every day for the past couple decades, I was selling drugs and hanging with some of the grimiest mother fuckers Baltimore had to offer. I've seen and experienced a lot of real violence outside a computer monitor, and the prospect of a violent resolution to this saga didn't phase me a whole lot. I'd spent years trying to be a better person and avoid conflict, but I sure as shit wasn't afraid of it either. Leading up to this point, I was already trying to calm myself down and talk myself off the ledge and not pack my guns and drive out there to keep watch until the police did their thing and put him away, which took a lot longer than it should have - this fucking guy violated his protective order 80 times in just a couple weeks.
So I called him, and he spent the next 26 minutes crying over the phone like a drunk little bitch, while I tried my best to be kind and to talk him off the ledge. And yes, I did record it, and yes it is hysterical listening to it now in hindsight, and yes I still have the recording. Anyway, I told him he was scaring the shit out of her and the kids, and he promised to leave us alone and I told him if he could chill the fuck out I would try to talk her into giving him more access to the kids. The next day, she got an email from her first ex-husband - Jack had reached out to him with a link to my reddit post trying to get help from him to come after me, which he promptly shut down and sent to her.
The next few weeks were terrifying as Jack descended further into madness and became more scared and desperate. He knew she was gone and not coming back, and he was facing real charges and real jail time, and while Jack is a fucking moron in a lot of ways, I'm sure he knew a fat, greasy computer nerd with a sex offense conviction wasn't going to have a good time in County. Jack was a murder-suicide waiting to happen, the police were doing nothing to stop his stalking, and I felt powerless to help her. Eventually after he sent her $50 over PayPal at 4:00am with what appeared to be a suicide note, I had enough. I called the DA's office, asked them why the fuck this was being allowed to happen, and promised them I'd been taking meticulous notes and if anything happened to her I would be taking it straight to the media. The DA told me if I was going to make threats the conversation was over, but sure enough he was finally arrested not long after.
Ironically we had remained platonic friends through most of this, but the shared experience of dealing with this psycho brought us closer together and things quickly changed. We knew he wasn't going to stop when he got out of jail, I felt responsible for her safety after my stupid reddit post started this chain of events that led to Jack's unraveling, and with the world seemingly coming apart during COVID, decided if we were ever going to meet it felt like it was now or never. So I booked a plane ticket across the country, spent a week with her and her family, and a few days after I came home she flew out to visit me and meet my family.
We went into it with no expectations. I fully accepted we might not click and our relationship would go back to being platonic. For my part, I just wanted the closure of finally meeting this person who had such a profound impact on my life before COVID mutated or something and killed us all.
But we did click, and the next two weeks were life-changing. I met and cooked for her entire extended family the day after I arrived, and it went well. While I was there I got her mom's email address, and after I went home I had an idea. I knew her parents had met in DC, so I emailed her mom and asked her for a list of places that were special to her, and she told me about the church her parents had met in. I asked her to keep our conversation secret so it would be a surprise, and she did.
So when she comes out to the east coast, I take her on a tour through DC and park the car a few blocks down the street from the church. As we're walking by, she notices the church and comments on how beautiful it is.
I keep it cool and respond, "Yeah, that's a pretty important place.".
She looks at me and says, "Oh? Why's that?".
"That's where your parents met.".
She audibly gasps, giddily bounces a bit, starts to cry, and we pulled down our masks (fuckin covid) and kiss. Her reaction is easily one of the greatest memories in my life. What I didn't know at the time, was that her parents had told her about that church since she and her siblings were kids. When the church changed denominations, the church took the angel statue off the top and brought it back to her home state, and her parents had taken them to see it a few times throughout her childhood.
Anyway, getting sidetracked here, the sappy love story stuff is a different story altogether.
A month after we met for the first time, I had quit my job, sold everything I couldn't fit in my sedan, and she flew back out and drove across the country with my daughter and I.
Sounds crazy as hell, and it was, but it worked out better than it should have. I got a good job making more than I did back home right away, her kids loved me, and my daughter loved her and adjusted to her new home fast. And by the time Jack got out of jail for felony cyberstalking, sexual abuse, and Intimidation of a Witness in a Domestic Violence case, we had cameras all over the house, and I had taught my fiancee how to shoot - which she quickly became better than me at.
But Jack's time in jail didn't slow him down, and the 2-10 year suspended sentence didn't deter him at all. As a matter of fact, on his first day out one of the first things he did was start trying to hack her accounts again. He managed to con an elderly couple he knew threw World of Warcraft from a different state into letting him live with them, and from there he spent a lot of time and energy stalking us and hacking our devices to the best of his ability. He also convinced these poor, very stupid elderly people from his videogame to bankroll a lengthy, expensive divorce. Somehow a man who hadn't worked in almost 20 years managed to run us into over $50,000 in legal fees in two years. How a marriage with zero assets turned into a two year battle when both parties were officially in poverty before the divorce, or how the family courts never saw through the bullshit is beyond me.
To Jack's credit, he did a pretty good job remaining a thorn in our side. Largely due to the complete and utter ineptitude and indifference of the police and District Attorney who could and should have put a stop to his bullshit at any point in that time. Old Jack got hit with a permanent criminal stalking injunction and a 10-year protective order along with his probation, and no amount of effort on our part would get the police, DA, or probation to put a stop to it, despite mountains of evidence.
He successfully managed to draw the divorce out right up to the wedding we planned a year and a half prior, with his attorney putting in motion after motion to delay the process. With all our family and friends coming from all over the country and as far away as Japan, we accepted our wedding would just be a celebration and not an official wedding. Until the night before the wedding, she got a call from her attorney - he had made a call to the clerk's office at the court and got her to move the paperwork to finalize the divorce to the top of the pile, and she was officially divorced. Our wedding would be a real wedding after all, and despite Jack's best efforts, he lost again. We had the wedding on a remote ranch that we rented for a week, and foolishly decided to cater and decorate ourselves, which would have been a colossal undertaking without the extra 4 hours to drive into town and get our marriage certificate at the courthouse. But we pulled it off and it was everything we could have hoped for and then some, and we were officially married.
Jack of course didn't stop after the divorce was finalized. The list of shit he tried to do to us before and after that is too long to spell out in an already too long post, but here are some choice bits:
He wrote a demented letter to the oldest of his kids with her who severed her relationship with him, calling my wife and her mother "vipers and cowards" and promising we would "answer for what we've done sooner or later".
He continuously hacked our computers, miscellaneous accounts tied to our emails, and any other devices he could get into - dropping in remotely via Amazon Alexa, phones, etc.
He set up bots to send us thousands of spam emails, sign us up for dozens of international newsletters all at once, and requests for consultations for things like solar panel installations.
He told the kids vile lies about my wife and I, although the most egregious was when he used a court-ordered therapy appointment with his second oldest daughter to accuse me of distributing child porn, told the therapist I am an "evil man", and told him I wasn't safe to be around his daughters. This led to her being forensically interviewed by the police, where she spelled out what happened, but of course they did nothing.
He gave the two youngest children cell phones to sneak into our house, with Google accounts activated and location tracking turned on.
He sent packages to our house 5 times in the space of a few months, one of which was addressed to himself and contained nothing but a bag of Stevia and a pack of gum. These packages generally came to our door the day before his scheduled visitation with the kids.
During this time my bank account was hacked four times in the span of just a few months with nearly identical fraudulent charges. In each of these instances, I had completely changed my bank account information.
He filed false reports with CPS twice, alleging we were beating the children, locking them in the closet, and not feeding or bathing them. This led to a CPS agent coming to our house to investigate.
We brought all this to the police over and over as it happened, and they did nothing. The DA running the case wasted 5 months subpoenaing a fake email address that we told them when we reported it was fake and spoofed. After finding out about that, we went to the DA's office to find out what the fuck was going on. A Victim's Advocate met with us, and was horrified about how the case was handled, looked up the prosecutor assigned to the case, rolled her eyes and said "Oh...it's Stephanie", confirming what we already knew - this prosecutor was completely incompetent, an elect3d politician moonlighting as a prosecutor. She called us the next day to tell us the actual DA called a meeting and a warrant was put out for Jack's arrest. For some inexplicable reason, they pulled the warrant back, and the advocate told us it was because the DA was pursuing more serious charges.
Then, they stonewalled us. The Victim's Advocate we had met with that actually tried to help us was moved off our case, and the new one assigned refused to talk to us or return our calls. The few exchanges we had with her, she made it abundantly clear she had the DA Office's interests in mind and not ours. We decided to just stay quiet and let the process play out and hope for the best, up until we received an email on Friday night before Election Day from the Detective telling us Stephanie had closed the case. I assume she didn't want her incompetence coming to light, and didn't want to shut the case down before Election Day knowing we would be on the warpath.
Eventually, Jack caught wind that he was officially under criminal investigation, but clearly had no idea they were never going to press charges. He got quiet for a bit, until he was ultimately let off probation early. We still get the occasional reminder he's out there watching, but his fear of going back to jail and the belief it might happen cowed him a bit. So instead he harasses us through the family courts, filing constant bullshit motions with no evidence to support them, and for some reason the courts let it continue. Somehow a man who makes ~$800 from SSDI and is only paying $30 a month total to support his 3 kids with my wife is able to fund tens of thousands of dollars worth of legal proceedings every year, and no one in the family courts has ever stopped to ask how he is paying for it or why all this money isn't being spent on supporting these children.
But despite Jack's best efforts, his bullshit hasn't worked. My wife and I have been together for four years soon, and married for two. His kids call me dad and hate his guts, only seeing him because the courts force them to. I continue to advance in my career, landing two major promotions in the past 2 years and now running a division in one of the largest companies in my field in this part of the country. I just enrolled in college to go back to school and get a degree in family law with a focus on domestic violence. The most frustrating part of the whole experience with ol' Jack was having no one to turn to when all the institutions who were supposed to keep this from happening ignored us, and even though I'll be well into my mid 40's before I accomplish my new goals, I plan to advocate for domestic violence victims and do everything I can to lobby for change to these laws to keep as many people as I can from going through what my wife and I did. I learned that the only way to beat these people at their game is to play on the same field right along with them, and that's what I intend to do.
My wife went back to work too once she healed from some of the trauma, making $30 an hour as a personal assistant for a fella who's had two movies made about his life. Our kids struggled a bit with school and dealing with all their biological parents' issues, but they quickly turned it around and have been excelling. We're all happy, healthy, and doing better now than ever.
As for Jack? Well, he's pushing 50 and still spending his days alone, playing World of Warcraft and jerking off in this old couple's basement. Nothing has changed there, and now he's too fat, old, and visibly an enormous fucking loser to victimize women in the same way he did in his youth. I have no doubts he'll find another victim eventually, probably when these old weirdos bankrolling his life now finally wise up, but one thing Jack forgets is that karma is a mother fucker, and I have a giant database of evidence that I can and will send out to whoever I please to help pull that mask down and keep him from doing this to someone else. Nothing is more appealing to a potential love interest than hearing their man cry like a drunk bitch for 26 minutes to the man he claims stole his wife, while simultaneously admitting to sexually assaulting said wife.
As wonderful as it would have been for Jack to go to prison where he can't hurt anyone again, there is some catharsis knowing Jack will forever be in a prison of his own making. His children want nothing to do with him, and he'll never see them graduate or walk them down the aisle. Jack will die miserable and alone, and in his narcissistic delusion will still be blaming everyone else for the colossal failure of his life, while continuing to fail to grasp the one thread that ties all his misery together - himself.
And since he somehow manages to find and stalk most of my social media, I'd wager Jack will end up reading this too. I hope he does in all honesty. And Jack, if you are reading this, I want you to know that you can kick, flail, manipulate and lie, cry and complain until you're red in the face. None of it matters. You don't matter. You'll leave this world alone, as sad and bitter as you are now, and the world will be a better place for it.

Darksiders 3 is a hack and slash adventure game developed by Gunfire Games. Released in 2018, Darksiders 3 asks the question, "How much more obvious do we have to make it that the developer has an underground BDSM kink?"
We play as Fury, one of the more reasonable members of the Riders of the Apocalypse who have been charged with fixing the ever growing screw up that was the supposed end of the world.
Gameplay is a mix between a hack and slash brawler and souls-lite. Enemies are numerous and swarming but also kill you in two hits if you don't time your dodges just right. Some metroidvania elements exist with backtracking to open up secrets/new areas as you gain new attacks.
The Good
One thing I do loves is when series games acknowledge and call out mistakes they made in the past. In my review of Darksiders 2 I griped about how every single quest comes in 3's. It's always get 3 this, find 3 that, kill 3 this. Early on in DS3 you come across a chamber where you have to gather 3 swords and the protagonist mutters, "It's always 3 isn't it? I hate it when the Creators take shortcuts." I felt seen.
Level design is great. Every area flows into the next and then back again, which I enjoy. I love when games feel like a connected world. Given the variety of environments this is a rather impressive feat. DS3 also features that timeless graphic style popularized by World of Warcraft so even 20 years from now the game will hold up visually.
The Bad
It tries to be a souls-like, hack and slash, metroidvania hybrid and falls a bit short on all accounts. Enemies have fast instant lunge attacks, auto-hit tracking and come in packs of 4+ but you fight like you're in dark souls with narrow dodge windows and animation locking. It's the first game in a long time where I had to set my controller down because I was getting sick of the games bullshit.
You'll pass numerous locations you need items you get later to access, but there's no mapping feature to keep track of this. Remembering the 40+ blocked off locations you passed can be a bit rough so your options are either to backtrack the entire game, use a 100% spoiler guide or just not bother with it.
The Ugly
The controls take awhile to get used to and you can't change them. For some ungodly reason dodge is R1 instead of the B button. Swapping combat forms in battle has a delay and feels very unnatural. Whip swinging often decides to just not work. Trying to select and use a buff item in combat is an exercise in futility.
To compound on that, one nitpicky issue I did have is also many puzzles/levels require you to be in a specific 'stance' or elemental form. Switching between them has a bit of an input delay so if you hit the wrong one you tend to huff as you wait to switch again. If you swap to the wrong form or are doing a puzzle which requires frequent swapping it gets a bit obnoxious.
Final Thoughts
The level layouts are fun and the boss fights are cool. It's when the game tries to marry hack and slash with souls-like that it starts to crack. There's a fine line between difficult and stupid and too often the game leans into stupid territory. As obnoxious as it is, the rest of the game is redeeming enough to make it tolerable. The story is pretty rad, especially if you're a fan of the apocalypse.
Interesting Game Facts
There, of course, is a nude mod. However, far more interesting are the model replacer mods. Eventually I got curious enough to try them out. It's a lot harder to take the end of the world as seriously when you're playing as Fiona from Adventure Time.
Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with Darksiders 3!
My other reviews on patient gaming

I'm alone. All my life I've been able to make friends. But I always lose them, in third grade, I lost my two best friends because they switched schools and we just fell out of touch, in fifth grade I lost all my friends except for three, though this was also because of them moving, I made more friends in sixth grade and we remained friends for a good while. Freshman year my best friend from kindergarten and I stopped talking, she texted me one day saying that she didn't actually like me, and she never wanted to talk to me again. That hurt a lot, I got over it in about eight months and eventually was able to stop thinking about her everyday, and seeing her at school didn't bother me as much.
February the next year came, one year since my previous best friend and I stopped talking, maybe it got in my head, and I had been starting to feel suffocated by my current best friend at the time, I loved her, but she kept hurting me by not acknowledging my presence when we were in groups, no matter how hard I tried to contribute to the conversation, she kept leaving me and I just wanted a break from feeling like I was nothing to her. I just wanted some space. But I totally went about it in the wrong way. I picked a fight for no reason and said some awful things that I regret with every fiber of my being. At first, we stopped talking for a couple weeks, and I made two new friends, but soon after my best friend sent me an email telling me everything that was wrong with me, overbearing, pushy, and more I can't remember well, and I agree with her now, I've grown a lot and if she had said those thing recently, I could have come to terms with what she was saying, the things she pointed out were valid points that I should have looked into more, but I got defensive, this was when I thought she didn't want to be friends anymore because it sounded like she hated so many things about me... then what was there to like?
She had texted me a night before and said that she wanted to talk to me, with a specific teacher as a mediator, I refused, I am a very very private person and I do not like to share my feelings with anyone I'm not used to being around, and I wasn't yet familiar with this teacher. I told my friend that if she really didn't want to be friends anymore, that I would respect her decision. I was trying to protect myself, trying to make sure I broke it off before she did, I hate that my brain went there immediately. I wish I had tried to fight for her. She screamed at me while I sat there in a sort of calm daze, which completely gave off the impression that I didn't care... but I cared so much, she told me that I was self-sabotaging and was throwing away something that hadn't gone bad, she was screaming so loud, a teacher came in and told he she was disrupting classes, she was escorted out of the room and I heard her crying, and as soon as she left the room I burst out in tears too.
Our mutual friends, which was only two people, but they were my only other friends, stopped talking to me, and only hung out with her, but we were never on bad terms. I am beginning to resent them though. We stopped talking completely and soon summer vacation came. My cat died, I moved out of my narcissistic mother's house to my Dad's house, and his girlfriend accused me of stealing money, which I didn't, but my father took her side anyway and the entire time I was there they kept trying to blame things on me, and continuously scorned me for being antisocial, so eventually I moved out again when my father and I got in a huge fight, and I haven't talked to him since. I worked 80 hour weeks during the summer at two jobs, trying to keep my mind off my friend, my dad, and stay away from my mom, but it was okay because I had three friends who were from Mongolia, and two friends who were from Turkey working the same exact hours as me. But near the end of the summer, my two Turkish friends and I decided to plan a trip to go to Florida, I asked my mom and after some convincing she finally agreed, we got plane tickets, booked hotels, got car rental stuff, but the night before I left, my mom told me I wasn't allowed to go anymore, she has done this multiple times, but not of this magnitude, I told her that we had already paid for everything, but she told me that if I left, she would call the cops on me.
So I texted my Turkish friends and I told them what happened, but they wouldn't believe me... they blamed me and said "did you tell your mom?" I told them that I did, but they swore that I was lying, they told everyone, including my three Mongolian friends, so in the last month that my foreign friends were in the country, they all hated me, treated me terribly, constantly gave me dirty looks, and were scornful. It broke my heart, especially because they were so kind before, if I can make the kindest person hate me... then what kind of monster am I?
Finally, I came back to school, and it was so much harder than I thought it would be, seeing her everyday, happy with her friends while I sat there, alone and in misery, I had a couple friends, but they weren't in many of my classes. I was able to hold out for so long. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I just completely gave up, seeing her was too much to bear, she didn't care about me anymore, I didn't have any close friends, just people who wouldn't really care if I lived or died. Everyday was a struggle. I stopped going to school, stopped going to work, and just curled up in my bed and decided that I had enough. I was on a course to graduate that year, a whole year early which got screwed up as well, ruining my chances of doing so.
I skipped work for almost three weeks, but I eventually came back because my boss said she missed me and reassured me that no body was mad. I haven't been to school in about two months, I don't know how I could go back anymore, it would be humiliating... like, what would I say? What if people asked questions? I'd just come off as so pathetic. I've ruined my life, I have little chance of a diploma, and no chance if I don't go back, I've been labeled as "truancy" or whatever. I was also supposed to go to Spain and Italy for a school trip, but I wasn't able to go because of my lack of attendance, so I ended up wasting 4,000 dollars.
My two friends that I made after my last best friend and I broke up called the cops on me because she thought I was going to kill myself, and I was so mad and embarrassed I cried the whole way to the hospital with my mom in the car and was able to go back home after some tests, after I got home, I went off on them, I was so so upset, and I honestly still am, I know they were only doing what they thought best, but I told her that I didn't want to talk to her until she would apologize, because all she kept saying was "I'm sorry you feel that way" so I told her to stop apologizing for how I felt, and apologize for what she did. She didn't, so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized. And the other friend who was in on it too, I texted her angrily and she said "womp womp" I immediately blocked her, I was so mad, words cannot describe my level of fury at that moment. It wasn't funny, that was not the time for jokes.
I have no friends, only my narcissistic mother, I don't even have a father anymore, my oldest sister isn't in contact with him either, for a different reason... I've just been working, and trying not to think. But I can't take it anymore. Have I really screwed everything up? Is my life worth anything anymore? Friendship is dead. Family is overrated, and I have never been able to keep a friend, I do not want the pain of loosing another one, I have people who I enjoy being around, I have coworkers, I have my sisters, and I have two people I hang out with sometimes, but really, none of them are my friends. I never want to make another friend, I refuse, I know they consider me their friends, but if I put a real label on it, it'll hurt too much when they leave and begin to hate me. What do I do? Am I destined for failure? Why do I always end up alone? Not only does everyone hate me, but I'm hating myself more and more by the passing day. I don't know what to do... can somebody, anybody help me? I'm just so lost.

I'm alone. All my life I've been able to make friends. But I always lose them, in third grade, I lost my two best friends because they switched schools and we just fell out of touch, in fifth grade I lost all my friends except for three, though this was also because of them moving, I made more friends in sixth grade and we remained friends for a good while. Freshman year my best friend from kindergarten and I stopped talking, she texted me one day saying that she didn't actually like me, and she never wanted to talk to me again. That hurt a lot, I got over it in about eight months and eventually was able to stop thinking about her everyday, and seeing her at school didn't bother me as much.
February the next year came, one year since my previous best friend and I stopped talking, maybe it got in my head, and I had been starting to feel suffocated by my current best friend at the time, I loved her, but she kept hurting me by not acknowledging my presence when we were in groups, no matter how hard I tried to contribute to the conversation, she kept leaving me and I just wanted a break from feeling like I was nothing to her. I just wanted some space. But I totally went about it in the wrong way. I picked a fight for no reason and said some awful things that I regret with every fiber of my being. At first, we stopped talking for a couple weeks, and I made two new friends, but soon after my best friend sent me an email telling me everything that was wrong with me, overbearing, pushy, and more I can't remember well, and I agree with her now, I've grown a lot and if she had said those thing recently, I could have come to terms with what she was saying, the things she pointed out were valid points that I should have looked into more, but I got defensive, this was when I thought she didn't want to be friends anymore because it sounded like she hated so many things about me... then what was there to like?
She had texted me a night before and said that she wanted to talk to me, with a specific teacher as a mediator, I refused, I am a very very private person and I do not like to share my feelings with anyone I'm not used to being around, and I wasn't yet familiar with this teacher. I told my friend that if she really didn't want to be friends anymore, that I would respect her decision. I was trying to protect myself, trying to make sure I broke it off before she did, I hate that my brain went there immediately. I wish I had tried to fight for her. She screamed at me while I sat there in a sort of calm daze, which completely gave off the impression that I didn't care... but I cared so much, she told me that I was self-sabotaging and was throwing away something that hadn't gone bad, she was screaming so loud, a teacher came in and told he she was disrupting classes, she was escorted out of the room and I heard her crying, and as soon as she left the room I burst out in tears too.
Our mutual friends, which was only two people, but they were my only other friends, stopped talking to me, and only hung out with her, but we were never on bad terms. I am beginning to resent them though. We stopped talking completely and soon summer vacation came. My cat died, I moved out of my narcissistic mother's house to my Dad's house, and his girlfriend accused me of stealing money, which I didn't, but my father took her side anyway and the entire time I was there they kept trying to blame things on me, and continuously scorned me for being antisocial, so eventually I moved out again when my father and I got in a huge fight, and I haven't talked to him since. I worked 80 hour weeks during the summer at two jobs, trying to keep my mind off my friend, my dad, and stay away from my mom, but it was okay because I had three friends who were from Mongolia, and two friends who were from Turkey working the same exact hours as me. But near the end of the summer, my two Turkish friends and I decided to plan a trip to go to Florida, I asked my mom and after some convincing she finally agreed, we got plane tickets, booked hotels, got car rental stuff, but the night before I left, my mom told me I wasn't allowed to go anymore, she has done this multiple times, but not of this magnitude, I told her that we had already paid for everything, but she told me that if I left, she would call the cops on me.
So I texted my Turkish friends and I told them what happened, but they wouldn't believe me... they blamed me and said "did you tell your mom?" I told them that I did, but they swore that I was lying, they told everyone, including my three Mongolian friends, so in the last month that my foreign friends were in the country, they all hated me, treated me terribly, constantly gave me dirty looks, and were scornful. It broke my heart, especially because they were so kind before, if I can make the kindest person hate me... then what kind of monster am I?
Finally, I came back to school, and it was so much harder than I thought it would be, seeing her everyday, happy with her friends while I sat there, alone and in misery, I had a couple friends, but they weren't in many of my classes. I was able to hold out for so long. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I just completely gave up, seeing her was too much to bear, she didn't care about me anymore, I didn't have any close friends, just people who wouldn't really care if I lived or died. Everyday was a struggle. I stopped going to school, stopped going to work, and just curled up in my bed and decided that I had enough. I was on a course to graduate that year, a whole year early which got screwed up as well, ruining my chances of doing so.
I skipped work for almost three weeks, but I eventually came back because my boss said she missed me and reassured me that no body was mad. I haven't been to school in about two months, I don't know how I could go back anymore, it would be humiliating... like, what would I say? What if people asked questions? I'd just come off as so pathetic. I've ruined my life, I have little chance of a diploma, and no chance if I don't go back, I've been labeled as "truancy" or whatever. I was also supposed to go to Spain and Italy for a school trip, but I wasn't able to go because of my lack of attendance, so I ended up wasting 4,000 dollars.
My two friends that I made after my last best friend and I broke up called the cops on me because she thought I was going to kill myself, and I was so mad and embarrassed I cried the whole way to the hospital with my mom in the car and was able to go back home after some tests, after I got home, I went off on them, I was so so upset, and I honestly still am, I know they were only doing what they thought best, but I told her that I didn't want to talk to her until she would apologize, because all she kept saying was "I'm sorry you feel that way" so I told her to stop apologizing for how I felt, and apologize for what she did. She didn't, so I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her until she apologized. And the other friend who was in on it too, I texted her angrily and she said "womp womp" I immediately blocked her, I was so mad, words cannot describe my level of fury at that moment. It wasn't funny, that was not the time for jokes.
I have no friends, only my narcissistic mother, I don't even have a father anymore, my oldest sister isn't in contact with him either, for a different reason... I've just been working, and trying not to think. But I can't take it anymore. Have I really screwed everything up? Is my life worth anything anymore? Friendship is dead. Family is overrated, and I have never been able to keep a friend, I do not want the pain of loosing another one, I have people who I enjoy being around, I have coworkers, I have my sisters, and I have two people I hang out with sometimes, but really, none of them are my friends. I never want to make another friend, I refuse, I know they consider me their friends, but if I put a real label on it, it'll hurt too much when they leave and begin to hate me. What do I do? Am I destined for failure? Why do I always end up alone? Not only does everyone hate me, but I'm hating myself more and more by the passing day. I don't know what to do... can somebody, anybody help me? I'm just so lost.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months for good today ,and sort of,3 days back. So what do I mean by "sort of" if you might be wondering, I'll give a brief about my relationship. He was my bestie's friend from her old school and we started texting after he found me cute in one of the snaps my bestfriend sent. We had been talking for a year,but he had confessed his feelings from the beginning but I had rejected him cause I never met this guy before and all I knew about him was his online persona. Throughout the year we were good friends I went on a date with another guy and he was interested in a few girls but none of which worked out. My "date" also obviously didn't work out and he kept trying his shot with me even though I rejected him multiple times until finally I agreed to meet up with him once. Well to say the least I liked his personality after we met up and we started going on a few dates and eventually started dating. He said 'I love you' to me since the first date which I kind of found weird but chose to ignore as different people experiencing emotions differently. Fast forward the first month was everything I ever wanted all sunshines and rainbows and things started going south from the next. It started with him being very distracted during calls and not paying attention or moody which I was bothered by and it wasn't a once or twice kind of thing it went on for MONTHS regardless of me expressing my dislike (might i add i dont usually do calls but i wanted to do it with him). It started off with small things like that and gradually our arguments increased to being weekly then daily. He used to do and say shit, apologize, then promise to be better and repeat. It was a LOOP. Recently it was our 6 months, it was supposed to be magical as we had everything planned out a good hotel a fine dining and all. He pulls out a promise ring and promises to be better with a huge ass speech and in the same night he told me that realistically a future between us won't be possible cause his mom won't agree. I was devastated it's not like I didn't know but you didn't have to point it out on a day that was special to us? Right after you gave me a promise ring??. We argued and I wanted to leave and go back home but he wouldn't let me and in the process of stopping me,he was forceful and accidentally ended up shoving me causing me to fall and hurt my back. I started crying cause I was shocked. He apologized but I was traumatized. We sorted (?) Things out that week and in the weekend I opened up to him about my past and family trauma after his constant pestering and we had Intercourse. Might I add this was my first relationship and I was a virgin but he wasn't and it wasn't even his first relationship. The arguing never stopped though, despite him knowing that I was going through shit in life and it got worse to the point I had to beg him to not be insensitive for a day. Last weekend we argued again (obviously) but what he said this time hurt me the most. After we did the deed again and when I told him it was hurting for me, he told me "you didn't even do anything for it to hurt"
For context. I have an undiagnosed illness that I'm still figuring out what it is. It makes my abdomen pain and I often faint at times due to the pain and it has been going on for a year. He knew it but still said those words to me.
More details in the next post.

She’s wonderful, kind, understanding, loving, funny, warm, intelligent, and I was so lucky to be with her. We’re a perfect match except we live on different sides of an ocean and we can’t get married because I’m not of her faith. We’re not even supposed to be dating. We met anonymously just to chat and pass time but we slowly learned more and more about one another and fell in love and we had an amazing one and a half years together. Today it really hit her how she hid me from her family because of those faith reasons and said it wasn’t fair to me and she couldn’t keep doing it. It was rough, she was broken up but I was really wailing. We just hung up after deciding to go on maybe one or two more hang out dates and finish some anime we wanted to watch but it’s just hard to come to terms with. This is someone I’d spend hours with just to hear her voice, someone who I could easily see a future with if it weren’t for the boundaries of her faith, someone who reminded me I could be loved and that maybe it’s a good thing my previous attempts failed if it meant living long enough to meet her.
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to keep it together. She’s my rock, my best friend, my soulmate. We knew it would eventually end one day but the pain won’t stop. I’m sobbing right now but my tears won’t flow anymore I’ve cried so much. I know what everyone would say but I don’t think anyone will ever match her. How we just made sense together. How little we fought and how quickly we could make up and get right back to being all loving together. How I would look forward to her texts and calls. How her voice would make me feel. It seems so surreal knowing it’ll all be over soon.
We agreed we could be just friends one day but we need space to move on first. I don’t know if I can, if I want to, if I’ll be able to live again. Even if it was just long distance, she always felt right there for me. I know it’s going to hit me really hard soon and I just hope it doesn’t tear into her the same way it’s eating me alive. I’m a little scared I’ll revert to my old self and fall into bad habits I had before and my self loathing will come back, but I guess only time will tell. It terrifying knowing when I stumble she won’t be there anymore to help me stand up. I just want her to be happy. I hope she will be soon

[This is intended to be humorous]
The Nasuverse isn't real. Tsukihime, Fate/Extra, Mahoyo - they're all lies.
Let me explain.

Tsukihime

Firstly, Tsukihime was never real. People who say otherwise are trying to gaslight you. Don't fall for it. Have you ever seen someone play Tsukihime? I've never heard about it.
Think about what everyone says. It doesn't line up. Shiki Tohno, main character. But why isn't he in FGO? Why isn't he in any other game? Would anyone really write a main character who's a serial killer with a lack of respect for consent? Of course not.
Arcueid? Yeah, of course they tell you she's a great heroine and totally well-written and whatever. She's just Archetype Earth! The FGOminatti are pretending an entire other game exists for her. Don't buy it.
Who the hell even is Ciel? Akiha? Roa? Hisui? Kohaku? They're not in any other stories. What proof does anyone have Tsukihime exists?
Would any REAL visual novel have THREE different characters named Shiki?!
Melty Blood is just an Under Night In Birth spin off. It even has Eltnam from UNIB. It's also a fighting game. Fighting games don't have stories. Tsukihime can't exist. It's a story.
This so called Tsukihime is not even on Steam. It's on Nintendo? Of course, but do we know it's actually there? It's Japanese, both the game and the Nintendo. I don't own a Nintendo, so clearly no one else does either. Who's to say it isn't just a big prank by Japanese people?
Nasu is even an FGOminatti secret agent himself. "Ritsuka Fujimaru is the life I'd like to have led," he says. We can't trust a word out of his lips. He's compromised. Remember, he's the one who wrote this totally unrelated Artoria who's completely in love with the Fujimaru who now has a personality which totally isn't just Nasu writing his own personality into the game, no siree!
THINK ABOUT IT! "Oh man, I sure love Tsukihime's main character Shiki Tohno"- LOOK AT SHIKI'S TRAITS!

• Black hair (just like Fujimaru)
  
• Japanese (just like Fujimaru)
  
• Teenager (just like Fujimaru)
  

Oh and wouldn't you know it, he dates Arcueid. Hoo boy! This guy who's totally not Fujimaru dates totally not Archetype Earth!
It's FGOminatti propaganda! There is NO Tsukihime! They just want to go on a date with Archetype Earth and are making up a fanfiction about it! And tricking YOU, an innocent victim of the FGO agenda into believing it!

Kara no Kyoukai- Garden of Sinners? It doesn't exist either!

Hoo boy! Look! It's Shiki Ryougi - literally just that FGO character they're not even trying to hide it now - and she fell in love with that completely average Japanese teenager who's totally not just Ritsuka with glasses and a different name, and now they have kids together and are married!
Does the FGOminatti agenda ever end???! It's a Guda x Servant child fanfic!!! It isn't real! Of course it isn't!
AND NO ONE WOULD WRITE A FRANCHISE WITH FOUR SHIKIS!

Notes? NOTES?

Yeah, it's literally FGO's Servantverse! It even has Mysterious Heroine X renamed Ado Edem!
No self respecting story would name the character who goes around shooting gods with a gun, GUN GOD! That's so stupid it's not even funny! It can't be real!
FGOminatti of Nasu were so mad that no one took their dumb stupid idiotic moronic blasphemous inhumane failure of an event story seriously that they collectively decided to pretend it was the origin of the Nasuverse! Down with the FGO agenda!
Look on me, GrandOrder! Don't let them brainwash you!

Fate/Extra

Of COURSE, they'd say it exists! The FGOminatti is gaslighting you!
The PSP does not exist! There can't be games for it! And spare just a single brain cell to think about the alleged 'plot'! Some totally normal guy who has no special qualities, is a piss poor mage (but he's brunette so he's totally not Ritsuka) contracts with TOTALLY NOT Artoria, TOTALLY NOT Archer or a new fan-service character who's just Morgan if she was a fox-girl and genki! And wouldn't you know it, all of them fall in love with him!
Oh, and Rin is also in the game and she also falls in love with the protagonist! She also just so happens to look identical to Ereshkigal! They even have an homunculus who falls in love with the totally not Fujimaru! They literally added Indian Sitonai!
The main villain is just Kirschtaria if he was young! That's how unoriginal the FGOminatti is!

Fate/Extra CCC

Firstly, that's a stupid name. What idiotic story would be named the same as the previous entry but with CCC slapped on? Imagine if Nintendo created a sequel to the Nintendo Wii and named it the Wii U.
Secondly, it's literally just the FGOminatti simping for BB in that one SERAPH event! They're gaslighting you into thinking there's an entire game where BB wants to date Totally Not Ritsuka to the point of trapping them in a school! They even added Kiara from FGO into this dumb agenda creation!
Oh, and wouldn't you know it! The true ending of the game has the protagonist and BB kiss as if it wasn't enough that they added FOUR Sakuras all of whom are in love with the Not Fujimaru! They even re-added Rin and Indian Illya/Sitonai to simp for their self-insert!
Young Kirsch even has a clear gay crush on the main character! They couldn't stop with shipping all the girls with their horse shit cardboard cutout, now they're adding Kirschtaria Wodime Lily to their harem under a different name!

Mahoyo

What do you want me to say?! It's Aoko from FGO, Soujuuro from FGO, Alice from FGO and all of them are in a strange polycule.
...
The FGOminatti AGENDA IS BAITING YOU INTO THEIR SHIPS! DON'T BELIEVE IT!

Samurai Remnant

IT NEVER STOPS! "Oh there's a game where Iori from FGO is the main character"-
What proof is there? I don't have money to buy this game, so how can you show it exists?! It's not on my PC then it doesn't exist, PERIOD.
Similarly, Baldur's Gate is not actually real because I don't own it.

Fate/Apocrypha

Astolfo, Mordred, Sieg- all characters from FGO.
The FGOminatti Agenda has invented some dumb fake character who's a homunculus and has super duper powers while having zero personality.
It's so that they can point to this imaginary cardboard to make their own self insert look better by comparison!
DON'T BE BRAINWASHED!

Fate/Stay Night

This is even worse than any of the others! The FGOminatti Agenda has gone too far!
They claim there's TOTALLY a longer than Bible sized visual novel with OH SO GREAT themes! What proof do we have it's real?! None! Have you ever seen Fate/Stay Night on Steam? On the PS4? On the Xbox? On any online retailer?
Even the backstory they make up for their protagonist is bullshit! "He saw everything burn down in Fuyuki and came out of it wanting to save the world-" THAT'S LITERALLY JUST SINGULARITY-F! They're not even trying to be original!
The main character is literally Muramasa but young! Look at his dumb accomplishment list because FGOminatti couldn't stop wanking their husbando!

• Actually he's Archer EMIYA the Counter Guardian (literally just the guy from FGO)
• Raised by totally not Counter Guardian Assassin EMIYA
• Has the super duper ultra Noble Phantasm which just so happens to be the perfect counter to THE STRONGEST HERO to ever EXIST!
• Rapidly grows faster than actual accomplished mages!
  And look at his bullshit romances! "Oh, his soul mate is Artoria-" The FGOminatti couldn't keep their disgusting fetishes to themselves! They're literally shipping MURAMASA AND HIS DAUGHTER NOW! THOSE DAMN AKIHA ROUTE FANS!
  

Then there's Rin- literally Ishtar but nicer! And Sakura who's just Kama! And it's supposedly an ero-novel so he has the say gex with each of them!
It doesn't end there! FGOminatti can't stop with that amount of degeneracy! They added RASPUTIN, and made him their main character's love interest! The FGOminatti WANT TO HAVE MELUSINE'S TIME PARADOX WITH THE MAN WHO MURDERED DA VINCI!
And even that isn't enough for their disgusting selves! They added Fujimaru Ritsuka again but named him Issei, and then implied that he and Muramasa have frequent Persona 5 references by having him quickly strip for Muramasa Lily!
And look! LOOK! Muramasa- Shirou- he's literally just gender swap Gudako!
Can such a stupid, BABOON-BRAINED game or visual novel really exist?! NO! IT CANNOT! THEY'RE LYING TO YOU! IT IS NOT REAL! DON'T LET THE FGOminatti GASLIGHT YOU!
At approximately 7 PM in the US West Coast, the FGOminatti will launch a rocket ship to space. This rocket will contain a neurotoxin that will *trick all people into believing that the Nasuverse is real. *
They have also replaced the President with Fujimaru Ritsuka after developing sufficient technology to teleport him into reality.
Take my hand. We need to stop them.

REJECT THE FGO AGENDA!

I (32F) have a friend (33nb) who I've known for 15 years. We never lived close to each other and our contact over the years was rather lose with us keeping up with each other's lives over Twitter and me visiting them every two years or so. In all those years we got along well and never had an argument. They once told me that no matter how long we go without talking, they always feel welcome by me, and I used to refer to them as "one of my favourite human beings".
This changed when we started to talk more regularly three years ago. They had started playing DnD and had asked me to join their new campaign, which I did, and which lead to us spending several evenings a week hanging out over on Discord in a voicecall with two other friends of theirs.
Over time I realised that they were not as nice to me as they used to be. Making fun of me, making wrong assumptions about me, just generally often not being very nice to me. Early on they reached out twice, saying they thought they were overstepping and being too mean to me. I told them I appreciated them reaching out but did not say much more to it. I know that's on me, I should have made it very clear at that point how their comments made me feel. I don't handle conflict well and failed to make my position clear when they reached out. So instead of saying "Yes, you are right, your behaviour really hurts me. Please stop." I basically said "Thank you for reaching out about this, I appreciate it." Probably not very helpful.
And then it just kept getting worse. It got to a point where I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells, that no matter what I said they would read something into it and make assumptions about me that weren't true. They are a very eloquent person whereas I am not and I feel like I have to be super careful about what I say because they will understand it in a different way from how I meant it. I don't generally have a problem with misunderstandings, it's the way they assume things about me that I find hurtful and the way they lash out at me that I find difficult to handle. They have a very short fuse and will immediately raise their voice, which I don't deal with well. And the constant accusations are getting to me. When someone says something that seems off to me or seems to contradict what they had said earlier, the last thing I suspect is that this person is trying to deceive me. Especially not if they're my friend. I will think I misheard or they phrased it weirdly or we use a certain word in different ways... basically I will first go through any possibility that is not about the other person purposefully trying to be hurtful or deceiving. With them it's like no matter what I say they will come to the worst possible conclusion. To me it often seems like they have a certain interpretation of things and to them that is the only valid interpretation.
For example:
I told them how I was really struggling with the fact that with working full-time and my friends all living in different cities, I rarely get to go out and actually do something with the people I like and how my whole life had turned into "working, sleeping, working, sleeping..." and how this was really taking a toll on me.
A couple of days after I told them that we were trying to look for a date for a DnD session and I told them I wasn't available on the date they suggested because I had to travel to my hometown because of a family member's birthday. To which they mocked me over how I was "always socialising" which then in turn made me upset and I told them how untrue that was and that never getting to socialise was currently my whole problem. To which they raised their voice and said that I was constantly socialising and accused me of gaslighting them for saying otherwise. I took a look at my calender in which I note down appointments and social stuff and told them how I could literally see in my calender that I had met up with friends TWICE in the past six weeks.
Eventually it turned out that we use the term "socialising" very differently. To me socialising means "voluntarily doing things with people that I like". To them apparently socialising means anything one does with other people, so family meetings that you go to despite not really wanting to but feel obliged to attend fall under socialising as well as any kind of appointment.
I often get the impression that we define things differently and when I say something that doesn't make sense to them they immediately feel like I'm trying to manipulate them or am questioning their perception of things, and they they lash out and attack me, which in turn hurts me. Whether this is actually what is happening, I don't know... it's just how the way it seems to me sometimes.
Some other examples are how they called me a "capitalistic bunny" for saying that I don't hate my job and how my manager is very nice. Because apparently being glad about the fact that something that I have to do to literally be able to provide for myself is not as bad as it could be means that I love captalism. (Fun fact: they were working for Amazon at that point. Which I guess is okay as long as you mention three times a day how much you hate it there.) Or how they accused me of thinking my own experiences are universally applicable as a response to me literally saying: "I noticed that every time I visited you it was a lot colder than where I live. So I was wondering, is it generally colder in your area or was it a coincidence that it was colder every time I visited so far?"
I don't know how to talk to them about how their behaviour hurts me when they misinterpret everything that I say and immediately lash out at me or withdraw and spend the next few hours thinking everyone hates them.
It's not even that I think they don't care about hurting me or that they wouldn't be willing to change. It's that them not saying those things out loud anymore would not change the fact that they still think them. Them keeping these thoughts to themselves would not mean they don't think that way anymore, just that they are not saying these things out loud anymore.
I think the only possible way to fix this would be to talk to them. But I don't know how to fix something with communication when communication is the whole problem. So I don't feel comfortable confronting them and am looking for other ways to change my own behaviour to make this situation more tolerable. I don't know how to make my boundaries clear and clearing up misunderstandings without them feeling attacked and lashing out at me.
Over the past few weeks I've started to withdraw and stopped reaching out to them. And I've been feeling so much better. I got to spend more time with some other friends again and realised that it's possible to spend several hours with other people without constantly having to worry about how what I say might be understood, without constantly feeling judged and without getting mocked or my actions being interpreted in the worst and most inaccurate way possible.
I feel guilty for feeling this way, like I'm making this person out to be the most insufferable person ever and like I'm just dropping them for getting too exhausting to deal with. I feel like if I were a good friend I would reach out and try to fix it. I'm not even giving them a chance to explain their point of view. Maybe they see all this very differently, maybe to them I am the one who is hurting them. I'm just so tired of not being able to be around this person without ending up feeling bad or having to worry about making them feel bad.
Tl;dr I feel like my friend is treating me very poorly and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't feel comfortable confronting them about it but don't know how to act in this situation. I want to fix it without confronting them and don't know how.

I love my dad, but he really can be a whiny bitch. It’s a huge turn off and makes him seem more like a resentful mom instead of a dad. Sorry if that sounds sexist, but that’s just how he is. He often helps me with my rent and sends me a check, which I appreciate, but it’s not a band-aid for our relationship like he thinks. Money fixes a lot of things, but it doesn’t fix everything…including relationships.
Whenever he sends me a check and I don’t deposit in within the next day or two, he gets super pissy and calls his ex-wife…who is my mom, who is not single by the way. He calls her, complains about me and how ungrateful I am and how I never spend enough time with me. Then after that he calls me and tells me the same thing. “Why haven’t you deposited your check yet? You don’t care about me! You take a whole week off to go on vacation with your mom and stepdad every year but only take a day off for me!” Which is a huge lie. I take one day off for him in the fall—black Friday. Then I spend Thanksgiving weekend with him, Thursday-Sunday. Then for my mom, we go on vacation every year. She, my stepdad, and my grandmother go for a whole week, but I just take 1-2 days off to spend a long weekend, usually Sunday-Wednesday, and then fly home. So 3-4 days for my mom and 3-4 days for my dad. This whole idea that I take more time off for my mom than for him is complete bullshit. Now technically, if you’re talking about the whole year, I do spend more time with my mom…but only because she lives ten miles away from me, and my dad lives about 800 miles away. So what do you expect?
A couple months ago he suggested that we go on a singles cruise. I told him I thought that sounded fun, but to please let me know what days it would be in advance, so that I can check my PTO and request the time off in advance. He never brought it up again…until he called, you guessed it, my mother, who is NO LONGER MARRIED to him because he left her when I was three years old, and whined and bitched at her that I wasn’t interested in the cruise. And then my mother called me and told me everything he told her and that he wants me to call him.
Oh really? He wants me to call him? Then why doesn’t he just call me DIRECTLY and bitch at me directly? Why does my mother always have to be the middle man?
Then a couple months ago, he said he would send me a check to help with my rent, but only if I write out this cheesy “optimist creed” he found on the Internet. You can Google it. He wanted me to write it out in pen and paper, mail it to him, and then he would send me a check to help with rent. My goodness, it is so cheesy! It looks like something some motivational speaker came up with. And the worst part? I’ve never seen him follow any of the suggestions of this “creed.” He’s a whiny little bitch, but he expects me to be an optimist? Fuck that. That’s pure hypocrisy. After I got that call, my mom called, and of course he had called her too. According to her, he just wanted me to send a thank you card. That’s much more reasonable…but why would I send him a thank you card BEFORE he sent the check? Thanks for what?
So clearly some inconsistency here. He told me he wants one thing, but he told my mom he wants something different. Does he want this creed shit or does he want a thank you card?
I decided not to send anything, but eventually the check arrived anyway. So I sent a thank you card, and he seemed to like it.
Then this month rolled around. I got the check about a week ago. I haven’t deposited it yet, primarily because I’m on that trip with my mom that I mentioned. And guess what? He called my mom yesterday to bitch about how her son hasn’t deposited his check yet and why is he spending time with you and not with me? Does he not need money? Blah blah blah.
He whines about how I never call him, and this is why. When he whines all the time, that doesn’t make me want to call or spend time with him. But I guess I should want to spend more time with him because he gives me money, right? That’s what a good father does. Uses his ex-wife, whom he left 30 years ago, as his therapist and middle-man to communicate with his son, bitches at him when he doesn’t get his way, and slaps some cash on it as a band-aid.
Fathers are supposed to teach their sons how to be a man, not how to be a rich, spoiled bitch.

So First of all; Not my mothertongue, I'm on mobile and work nights shifts. So yeah sorry.
But yeah. My (29f) first language ist Russian. I'm fluent and still can write and read it. And me and one of my co-workers had a discussion about what we heard, we obviously weren't supposed to understand and she found mine quite funny. So here goes;
So I had two guests checking in. One of them (the one who booked the rooms) a Tattoo Artist (TA in the Story) with AMAZING Makeup skills. Like she was looking so gorgeous! I told her so, 'cause why not? We spoke in English for first because she was from the Staates I just showered her in compliments and she did the same to me.
Went Something Like that; "Shit. J Just LOVE this contouring. How did you so that?" "Oh yeah this technique would be SO GREAT on your face. You have like the perfekt facial structure for that." "Thanks but your hair though! How do your get your hair so glossy...?" So yeah two women Just kinda vibing and getting along.
Then I ask her the question; "Yeah the reservation said you also have two dogs with you. Where are the cuties?" And before she could answer, her obviously boyfriend murmered in Russian; "I could be one for the both of you."
I just froze. She saw it and was Just Like; "Oh shit..." Her Boyfriend Just continued; "With two of them I would just..." Thankfully I kinda got my senses back and in Russian asked; "Excuse me?
Her Bf definetly needed more time than her, cause she started snikering right away while he continued With; "yeah I would let the both of you step in me." I then asked, in Russian, If he wanted to tell me something.
He went RED. Like tomatoes would be envious red.
The TA and me then went through the whole check-in in Russian. And i got this great message from my co-workers in the next day; " So the Girl in #xxxxxx appreciated you so much she left you a Card for her Studio and her number for it. If you ever are in Michigan."
So yeah. Thats my Story how me and an amazing Tattoo Artist from the Staates brought a man to his knees with giving each other compliments. Lol
TLDR; One of my check-ins had Russian boyfriend whi thirsted over female vibing Energy and one of my co-workers wanted me to post it.

Alright, first off I Read a post by u/Shiroudrake
About how Aether and Lumine are the Morning stars and are the Split aspects of the 4th Moon Sister.This sent my brain down the spiral abyss and into Baleful cleansing fire and now I'm creating this post. I agree that the Twins are likely the Son and Daughter of One of the 4 shades splitting itself with help from The Primordial One, because one of the shades did help him make all the creatures in the land. As seen in the quote below, this likely includes the stars in the sky (aka: the Twins). It would also explain the absence of a fourth Moon Sister.
Quote from Before Sun and Moon: "The Primordial One and One of its shades created the birds of the air, the beasts of the earth, and the fish of the sea. Together, they also created flowers, grass, and trees, before finally creating humans — our ancestors, numerous as the stars in the sky,"
With that, it's time for me to go crazy in the comments and drop a whole bunch of "Forbidden Knowledge" (aka incomprehensible Genshin Lore Speculations).
Let's zoom out, like waaay out. In Genshin, Gods are just powerful life-forms, think sci-fi style. These life forms have a hierarchy of power that also seems to be related to 2 things: first, how alien they are to Teyvat; and second, and arguably more important, how many times they can split themselves/create new life while still maintaining a "Core" version of their identities (example: Egeria and Oceanids). By Core version, I mean having the ability to create/use energy without suffering an identity death or loss of memories/goals/ambitions. Keep this in mind, because every "God" in the game does seem to have a limit to this power...every God except one.
When the lights go out for a "God," both metaphorically with their minds and literally with their power source, only one entity benefits from this death. This bad bitch is "The Night Mother," who is referenced in the in-game book the Pale Princess and The Six Pygmies (yes I read all of the leaked books, and they do seem like a massive lore spoiler for the gods/alien nature/potential future of the game). This bad Momma is currently the ultimate power in the cosmos...think about super massive black holes vs an ant and you'd get the power lvl difference between Zhong Li and The Night Mother. She not only controls the abyss, but seems to be the abyss! Her Aspects include everything that is infected with forbidden Knowledge. The Unknown is the dark, and it is fear, and it is all the things we wish we knew but don't...She has active control over that entire domain. Everything that interacts with hethe abyss for long enough becomes tainted, changed, and serves her will/vision. She wants only one thing...no light of any kind. No Suns, No Moons....and No Stars! A kingdom of eternal Night. She is also the mother of all things, because if you go back far enough in cosmological history you hit the unknown...which is her realm. Where did life on earth come from? Pre-mRNA molecules in a primordial soup? God? Eventually, if you go back far enough, we don't know...and that's where her power starts...at the edge of the light.
Fun note on her inspiration, she is likely inspired by a cross between the western Greek Goddess Nyx as well as the Ancient Chinese Goddess and "Mother of the West" Xiwangmu. The Mother of the West's earliest mention is found inscribed on oracle bones (1766 – 1122 BCE). She is one of the most ancient and powerful goddesses in the Chinese pantheon. She has complete control over life, death, creation, and destruction. She is married to the Jade Emperor(aka God with a big G). So I think we can say The Night Mother is the most powerful being we "know" of currently in game, and yes, she is the abyss...the one thing all other gods seem to fear like hell itself, is her. However, us freedom-loving idiot humans seem to think we can use her and still claim our destiny from the clutches of divine fate while throwing off the shackles of the Gods' heavenly principles....we are indeed fools.
Back to "God" power levels - let's start ranking Gods based on how much willpoweself identity they have after being able to split themselves into lesser beings or after they give some of their power away to empower other entities.
probs goes something like Night Mother >Phanes=/>Primordial One>Dragon King>Pale Princess>4 Shades (since it took 4shades+PO to beat Nibelung that the shades are weaker than dragon king) >3 Moon Sisters > Morning Star (twins)>Dragon Sovereigns> Seelies >Jinn>Adepti>illuminated Beasts>humans...unless those humans interact with the abyss/Night Mother which makes them sorta the same as her(eventually).
I ranked the Morning Star twins based on their full power lvl pre-game. This list is also assuming base power levels and does not factor in enhancers like Gnosis or visions because those come later and are mostly for surveillance purposes (eyes of god and what not).
More hot takes and wild speculations! The First betrayal of the Gods was because the Grand Unified Civilization, from the book Before Sun and Moon, wanted to know more about the greater existence/ universe, and so they succumbed to the "sweet honey wine temptations" of the unknown (aka abyss/forbidden Knowledge/Night Mother). They essentially fell into the craving cycle of "Yeah but what if?!" They knew that the Primordial One understood secrets from beyond and that the Seelie envoys weren't telling them shit about the greater cycles or about prophecy. So likely, some of the ruling class got afraid that their rule would end and they decide to give the scholars, witches, and alchemists the go-ahead to start probing the boundaries. They likely came into contact with Abyssal Corrupted Nibelung (Night Mother Controlled/ pulling the strings and empowering The King Dragon as her avatar). They made a deal with him/her, the humans would let him get vengeance on The Primordial One and his shades who are now turned Moon Sisters, if the Dragon would teach them how to become Gods and master the Abyss. The humans may have been the Original Sinners (Surtalogi and the precursors to the Hexenzirkel) who made this dark pact with the Dragon avatar of the Night Mother (or the Original Sinners may be someone else, I'm just theorizing). They came up with a clever plan to first weaken Celestia and the Primordial One before the Corrupted Dragon's attack. They did this by wedding crashing. (total fanfic moment here based on the union between the Seelie and the "traveler from afar"). I think that one of the Original Sinners may have poisoned the mind (with forbidden Knowledge AKA the Night Mother) of the person who went to Celestia and made a union with the Seelie.....This person's "data signature" (unsure of this term) would look to the gods as if they were an alien or outside traveler from afar...but since they had no reason to doubt humans at this point, they thought this "space" husbando was legit.
30 days after the "wedding," the forbidden knowledge spreads out from this unsuspecting host, maybe through a red or blue gem they were wearing. The data corrupting red abyss shit starts wreaking havoc on Celestia's machinery and partially corrupts One of the Moon Sisters (the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles) and fully corrupts one of the others. God-level fighting breaks out, and the third totally un-corrupted sister gets killed and becomes the moon of Teyvat. At the same time, the Abyss avatar dragon version of Nibelung attacks, and The Primordial One is left to struggle against (him/her) solo. The partially corrupted Sustainer of heavenly principle's sister manages to kill the fully corrupted Moon Sister and casts her corpse down into the abyssal waters of the ocean (this is the moon we see in the spiral abyss in game - it's the corrupted sisters corpse). Finally, The Primordial One (PO) kills the Abyss Dragon but has suffered unrecoverable amounts of damage in the process. Also, the World is almost completely Destroyed and the forbidden knowledge corruption is spreading everywhere. The PO and the Sustainer of Heavenly Principles try dropping a bunch of cleansing nails, but it's not enough.....The Primordial One decides to make the Ultimate Sacrifice for the world and uses his power level to fully give his body to the recreation of Teyvat...losing his memories and self in the process and becoming the very land we game on. Also during this time the Morning Star Twins got yeeted to the chasm and knocked out, and the precursor people to Khaenri'ah kidnap them.
This leaves the partially corrupted Sustainer of Heavenly Principles as the only God left in Celestia. Her moon body form is tainted red from the forbidden knowledge corruption, and she now swings from her Aspect of Themis into Nemesis. She opens her one traumatized red baleful eye and watches humanity for any signs that they will repeat this betrayal, this arrogation. She requires strict Order and surveillance...She initiates the Archon war to cleanse any remaining corrupted gods and to centralize her power and authority. Also because the PO body wasn't enough energy, and she sorta needs to... ya know reuse some of the creation materials that are locked up in minor deities' forms so that their elemental power can go back into the laylines and help re-balance Teyvat. Next she tells the Archons to lock the fate of the ambitious humans to that of Celestia by presenting them with an eye of god (a vision) so that she can forever watch and pass extreme vengeful judgement on the mortals who forced her heavenly family to sacrifice themselves and kill each other due to the betrayal of power hungry humans. During this time she may even have been leached on via alchemy by the furtive Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah as a secondary source for Forbidden Knowledge. All the while their Civilization hides underground from her all seeing eye! Over the centuries, many human kings and god kings attempt to reach for forbidden Knowledge (King Deshret, Remuria, Khaenri'ah) all to gain their freedom from the ever tightening grip of fate, and in time the Baleful Red Moon finds them all and destroys them.
As her own corruption progresses her judgments become more extreme...as she loses herself to the Night Mother's influence. By the time of Kaenri'ah cataclysm, her curses and hate culminate in a heinous act that even the Archons disagree with. The Sustainer of Heavenly Principles, Teyvats last celestial god and the crimson eye'd moon, massacres Khaenrian humans without discrimination. Her extreme acts vengeance are of retribution (not justice), an eye for an eye. If she has to live forever remembering the loss of her people ....then they should have to as well! She curses the pure bloods with immortality and lets the lesser ones lose their sense of self and become nothing more than husks(Hilichurls), just like her seelie sister had to while she watched forever...with her mind eroding. This is the last cycle of Teyvat because soon the last God in heaven will be fully corrupted by the Night Mothers Forbidden Knowledge and she will let the walls of the eggshell fall....and the Night Mother's Star Beasts will consume all life and light. The Traveler and their twin are the last Celestial hopes for ascension....but their Moon sister is so corrupted that she didn't even remember them, instead she attacked them on site. Remember the start of the game...her Celestial energy is tainted with black and red forbidden Knowledge - you can see the black and red pixels in her arm...she is focused on only one thing: "The arrogation of mankind ends now!"
and that's my fan lore speculation book dump for now, hope you enjoy your stay at Wendy's and enjoy that baconator!

To preface, I was raised in a somewhat Christian household, but I left after being hurt by all the churches I attended.
As a child, I wanted to believe in God. I really did. I went to Sunday school, looked forward to socializing in small groups, and was excited to finally join the youth group. I tried to be a good Christian, read the bible, and prayed whenever I felt lost and all alone. But then, as time passed, I decided that Christianity just wasn't for me. And, if there was a God, he would never want anything to do with me.
I have nothing against religion itself. I genuinely thing a lot of good has come from religion, as it gives people faith and hope in the darkest of times. However, what turned me off was the people I met at my old churches.
Though, to be fair, at the time I attended church, I myself was in my darkest hour and lashed out, cursed, and pushed away people left and right. I just did not want to be noticed, I did not want to be treated kindly, and if I was, it felt like everyone as just tolerating me. Everyday, I felt like I deserved to be hated and beaten down, both as punishment and because I felt like I just got in everyone's way. Why? Because there was so much turmoil in my family -- A father who claimed to be Christian yet had no qualms verbally abusing his wife in front of his children, an aunt who claimed to be Christian, yet bullied my mother, an uncle who claimed to be Christian, yet constantly made condescending remarks to me, another uncle who claimed to be Christian, yet kept trying to kiss me when we were alone. Basically, everyone in my family who claimed to be Christian kept doing things that were the opposite of what I thought Christians were supposed to do. Then, there were the people at my old church. Because of everything above, my depression and suicidal ideology was at its peak, and I did and said things to try and get people's attention. To signal to someone that I needed help, help that I was too afraid to ask for outright.
At some point, I brought up the fact that I'd been diagnosed with clinical depression, and what I did not feel comfortable being touched/hugged. I made comments about how I wanted to die, how I had depression, and how I thought people were their real selves when they were angry/full of hatred. Because in my family, the truth only ever came out when people were shouting at each other. That's why I believed that people were only their true selves when they were angry. But I never had the chance to explain that part, because one by one, people at the church began to ostracize me. To their credit, they did try to welcome me, but it felt like they were doing it out of obligation. We were just so different, I saw no reason why they would want anything to do with me. Call it a contradiction. I tried to seek help, yet I kept pushing people away. That's my own fault. But I thought God was supposed to love everyone, so I held out hope that I could keep my mouth shut, and that maybe then my youth group would accept me. But then, I kept saying and doing things without thinking. I didn't mean to do them, but the damage was already done.
Then, once it was clear that everyone in the youth ministry wanted to distance themselves from me, I decided to just leave. I knew that I'd never be accepted by the church. However, because my father was a member of the adult congregation, he forced me to attend church. He even threatened to take away my devices if I didn't obey. That confused me even more. If Christianity is about faith, then why force it? I don't know anyone who would believe in God if someone was threatening them to go to church. So, once it reached that point, I just gave up.
A handful of people from the youth group told me that depression isn't real and that it's just a ploy for attention. They said I was annoying, that I was a loser, and most of all, that no one liked me. Nor would they ever. And I believed them. Because no one wants anything to do with the depressed.
Once they told me that no one liked me, all my faith in Christianity withered away. Because if they were what it means to be Christian, then would there ever be a place for me? What does it even mean to be Christian? Does someone with depression like me even deserve to be loved? Even after I left the church, I still wonder if God is real, and if he is, would he ever love a loser like me? Will I ever have a place in Christianity? Or will no one ever like me as my youth group said. I just don't know what to believe anymore.
To avoid getting mixed up in religion, I just tell people I'm atheist, but the truth is that I just don't know what to believe. My entire childhood, I was raised in a church where I kept seeing so many two-faced people, who acted as if it's okay to abuse others because God will cleanse all their sins, but I'm not sure if Jesus died on the cross just for that.
I wanted to believe in God because I thought Christianity would help me get back on my feet. . .But each church I attended shattered my hope left and right. Maybe it's all just in my head and maybe it is my fault. Maybe it's not and they weren't actual children of God. I don't know. I don't know what to believe. And quite frankly, I never understood what it means to be Christian.
If you read my story until the end, please tell me what it means to be Christian. Because I want to believe, but at the same time, I don't want to attend a church and get hurt all over again. I'm just scared that if I try to join Christianity, then I might get ostracized all over again after losing control over my depression.
If you think I'm annoying, I think so as well. I've always thought I was annoying and that people just tolerated me, so I just keep to myself now. In fact, it's been years since I last hung out with anyone aside from my family. My dad was killed in a car crash several years back, and I cut contact with his side of the family (aunt and uncles were from his side) and just focus on doing all the household chores, frequent cooking, and work. I try not to cause any trouble and just do what needs to be done around the house and so forth. I'm doing online college on a scholarship/fafsa, so I don't need to worry about getting a job until later. In fact, getting a job and having an income will ruin my chances of getting Pell grants, so I was actually advised to wait until I get my bachelor's. Then, I'll have some credentials to land a decent job. I'm also thinking of searching for a church to join, but I'm still haunted by what happened in the past.
I guess I'm just venting at this point.
I don't know.
What even is Christianity supposed to be like? Please, tell me.