Funny monday fquotes

I (M31) was asked by my friend Jon (M34) to go on a blind date with one of his co-workers. All I knew at the time was that Jon was being pestered by many of his co-workers to set up this particular lady with someone. Since I'm single, Jon thought I'd be a great candidate and I thought could be fun.
So I met the lady (Olivia, F29) last Monday night at a pretty nice restaurant. We actually clicked pretty and found out we share a lot in common, I also think she's very funny in a witty sort of way. Overall, I think she's wonderful.
After the date, we exchanged numbers and have been texting each other several times a day since then. Jon and all his other co-workers are pretty excited because Olivia has been really happy since then and talks a lot about me.
Last night, I was talking to Jon and he out of the blue mentions "Oh did she tell you about her kid yet?" This caught me completely off-guard and I asked him to clarify. Turns out she has a 6-year-old son.
I was pretty annoyed with this and told Jon as much. I feel like the whole thing has been spoiled and I can't even bring it up randomly to Olivia without it looking like I pried. I low-key just want to slowly reduce contact and quietly end things with her.
I mentioned this to some of my other friends and a few of them think I'm being an asshole for thinking this.
AITA?

This may not be the most eloquent of posts but I’m trying to cram a bunch of info in so there’s a fuller picture. I’m more than happy to clarify or add more detail if necessary. Just at the end of my wits with this damn screaming.
Types of screams:
•because he’s mad and doesn’t want to calm down. I sat with him in his room Monday for almost 30 minutes. We were taking a break because he had thrown a stool at me twice because he was angry. If we tried to engage, he screamed. If we stayed in the room, he screamed for us to leave. If we left, he would scream until we came back. When I sat on his bed and told him I will just sit here quietly until he’s ready, he screamed. Not even at me. He completely turned away from me and kept tantruming for 10 more minutes then just stopped and was ready to talk about what he was feeling and what he wanted to do to make his “big sad” smaller. 2 minutes of that activity and he was fine.
•in the car. He can be playing and jabbering to himself then screech. We tried a scream box and he gives zero fks about it. He’s more interested in throwing it at us so it didn’t last long. He will also scream when my husband and I are trying to talk to each other and only stops when one of us engages him. We usually tell him that we have to talk to each other and we will talk to him when we’re done. Trying to empathize with him wanting to talk to us and having to be patient only triggers him to scream he doesn’t want to be patient and he’s completely hijacked the car ride because we are either dealing with his meltdown or not talking to each other while he plays and jabbers in the back because we just don’t want to be yelled at.
•Just a sudden screams. Playing with his toys, laughing, running around, he will just screech. Todays example is I was watching a funny video with him on my phone and was trying to send it to his dad. Before I could even hit send, he screams. You know, that scream where if it was a cartoon, you could see his tonsils wiggling. It’s 10 minutes later and the ear he was next to is still ringing and feels muted.
He starts regular school in August and my teacher friends have ASSURED me he will be fine because “kids are always different in school than home” and we haven’t had screaming issues at preschool, but I don’t want to send him to full time school and he’s partly feral because he would rather scream than respond in a quieter voice or just communicate the need instead of screeching at the first discomfort.
Not to mention my fight or flight response that is triggered when I’m laying in my bed and he comes in not jacked up then screams in my ear or the panic in the car as I’m driving because a kid is suddenly screaming and I can’t figure out if there’s an actual problem.
I’ve tried telling him is he needs to scream, he needs to go outside, to his room, or to his closet. I explained that when I’m so angry I want to scream I go in my closet and scream. He doesn’t want that (probably because it’s what’s being asked of him and he has an oppositional streak). I’ve tried loops, I have construction ear protection, but I cannot wear these 100% of the time because they eventually make my ears sore so I try to wear them in the “most likely to be screamed” zones, but again, held hostage because nowhere appears to be safe because his screaming is just whenever tf he wants while he’s awake.
He really is a great, funny, frequently empathetic kid, but this screaming is wearing us parents down because we cannot find a solution and we are being constantly startled, sometimes to tears because it is so sudden and shrill.

A while back in high school on a random monday night after night prep we had all retired back to our dormitory areas and cubicles to rest in preparations for Tuesday ...So it's past 10:30 lights are all out and voices of people talking are slowly fading away until it reaches a point where it's total silence to the point where you can hear the slightest movement in the dormitory...
So from a distance we hear footsteps of someone walking and as he approaches the footsteps sounds grow louder and it doesn't take long for us to realize it was the dorm master doing rounds. So everyone pretends to be asleep so as to not get in trouble which leaves us with the noise of his footsteps..So he gets into the middle of the whole way and a he approaches the end of the hall way he farts amd due to the silence it's heard by everyone who was not asleep.Out of nowhere we hear a student shout "eeey Mwalimu tumejaribu kuvumilia lakini you've done it" picture it being said in a heavy luo accent and after that statement we hear everyone busting out with laughter ...
So people start making funny comments and as he increasese the pace we hear someone say" Mwalimu hata utembee haraka aje we know it's you"😂😂😂😂 so it's a very funny situation.It reached a point the dorm master is walking so fast to the point tunajua he's embarrassed but the funny comments came in through untill he gets outside... Anyways cheers to Homabay school and the dorm was called Mars...

My birthday was on Sunday, I went to work and then went and got a new tattoo (I love it so much lol.) That was pretty much it for the actual day but on Monday I met up with my friends (M and his girlfriend N) at a restaurant for my birthday. Immediately I saw M reused the bag that I used for his birthday (I thought it was funny and I will definitely be using it for N's birthday now lol.)
Then we go in, sit down and order. Then they start asking me about my gifts and when I'll open them so I grabbed a stuffed dino out the bag. Immediately noticed it was heavy and I thought it was weighted but they told me it was a jar and I could open it. So I did. It was weed lmfao, I opened a jar of weed in the middle of a busy restaurant lol. Panicked and put the lid back on as fast as I could while I was laughing about the no warning lol.
We get our food, we're talking and laughing and shit, no other oopsies so far until it was cake time. They brought in a cheesecake for me cause yummy. M goes to slice it, he's doing great, then he tries to put the slice on a plate and drops it on the table. N and M both get it on the plate and N hands it to me straight face and says happy birthday. M and I died laughing. I thought it was fucking hilarious, I was crying cause I was laughing so hard. Just the straight face happy birthday after dropping it on the table was so funny to me.
But yeah honestly that was pretty much it, simple but I think that's the hardest I've laughed in a while and this has definitely been my best birthday by far lol

I [25M] had an old college friend's wedding this last weekend and decided to invite my SGF [23F] as my date to it about a month ago. It was in a city I basically grew up in and also went to college in not far from us relatively, a 7-8 hour drive, and we thought it would be fun to make a road trip out of it.
Wow was it ever!!!!! Things kicked off amazingly when I picked her up after work Friday evening and we were treated to an incredible aurora view the entire drive. I knew about the solar storm and was looking for it, so I had this funny "oh shit!" moment when I realized I wasn't seeing light reflecting off high clouds but aurora. We got to share some really nice moments of watching it on a pullout on a side country road - huge bucket list item for me to see it so to experience it with her was sublime. I exited the interstate, found some gravel, cut the lights, and stroked her hair gently to wake her and point out red, purple, green, all dancing above us - and grabbed her a blanket cause it was freezing with the windows down and she was cold lol.
We arrived early morning, slept for a while, got dressed in our formalwear, grabbed coffee, and went to the wedding. Really enjoyed ourselves, got our fix of drinking and dancing in, caught up with college buddies (and showed my beautiful SGF off 😉). Got called a cute couple, etc. We were going to head out bar hopping/clubbing but we were absolutely exhausted and had already got our drinking/dancing in as mentioned, so we relaxed, ordered pizza, and watched "The Boys" for a while which she's got me hooked on.
Sunday we drove up to my tiny rural American hometown and I showed her all the old haunts which was a lot of fun. We took a long hike in the woods, I helped her over rocks and through bushes etc as I am a mountain goat and she is a little city mouse lol. Went to the old mine, walked the trails, drove through town, saw my old house, all over. Taught her how to shoot a firearm as she'd never fired a gun before and was interested.
Went back to town, relaxed and had a great conversation about philosophy over dinner. I'm a big Ayn Rand fan so have been introducing objectivism to her and am really pleased to find her vibing with it.
Got a great back massage from her (as usual), she shopped for new stuff for her apartment on my credit card, and we went to bed late night after cuddling and watching Prime for a while.
Got ready Monday, went downtown and got breakfast at an old fav, drove up to the top of the city and looked at the beautiful view of the valley it's in, and drove the 8 hours back. Obvi no aurora but a daytime drive back listening to her read and enjoy long passages from Rand's "The Virtue of Selfishness" was really awesome.
And BTW, not one to kiss and tell, but our sex is always really amazing too 😘
Best of luck to everyone else out in the bowl!!!

So basically I like this guy in my class, and so like any girl I add him on snap but that was like three months ago. So maybe like 2 weeks ago my friends had told him that I like him and he was like “No she doesn’t” and “Stop lying, you’re not funny” and he was giggling. So the following Monday my friend walked up to him and was like “No she really does like you” and he just kinda looked around the hallway and walks to class. Then 3 days later, one of his friends find out and tells him and he is like “ Oh that girl, I already know” and that was when I first started to get mixed signals from him and I was really confused if he liked me. So fast forward to Monday May 13th I said I would ask him out and well it turns out he still hasn’t added me back and I thought nothing of it. So then today I was talking to my mom about him and how he still hasn’t added me back and she said “Well if he hasn’t added you back, then isn’t that a sign that he doesn’t like you?” And now I am really thinking about it and I am confused if he does or doesn’t. Like Sometimes I catch him in class looking at me but what my mom said is really getting to me. Is him not adding me back a sign that he doesn’t like me?

I was invited by a couple of friends to go camping a few days ago. I'm honestly still exactly not sure if any of it was real, but I wish to share my story nonetheless. It began last Monday, when friend number Six invited friends One through Five to a girls get away. She claims to have found this beautiful spot in the mountain on one of her hikes and she says it’s perfect for seeing the stars at night. I was skeptical at first, to be honest I don't really like being outdoors, but it sounded like an experience worth having, so I thought "why not, this will be a wonderful memory to look back on!". I had just purchased a new camera as well, so I was honestly starting to warm up to the idea. I could take pictures of our excursion into the woods and make cute little picture frames for everyone for their birthdays, it would've been so cute! But things did not go at all as I had envisioned.
So the day of the trip arrives, a bit faster than I would've liked, but honestly I think I was just anxious about… I kept feeling this weight in my chest that made it uncomfortable to breathe, but I was going into the woods, strange things happen to women in movies; Jason Voorhees, Sasquatch, Shia LaBeouf! Who knows what could happen! Not to mention there is always the chance I could fall into a lake and get covered in leeches, or get surrounded by wolves, or chased up a tree by a bear… Hopefully a very soft bear so I'll at least know one pleasure before I die! There are all sorts of fears I had envisioned before the day of the trip, but anxiety just be like that.
I met up with my friends at the trail and learned that friend Six decided to bring her bf along, which I was upset about but I guess he was just going to get a hotel room nearby so he'd be close enough to her to feasibly show up if we needed any help. She later told us that he worries all the time because his father went missing in these woods years ago and he's worried the same might happen to her. This is where I learned that men tend to stay out of those woods because men have been going missing in those woods for years, but according to friend Six, she's been coming to this forest for a while now and hasn't had any bad experiences. Hearing that did oddly put me at ease, but now all I could wonder at the time was what happened to all those poor men.
Deep into the night we're all chit chatting, talking about where we are in our lives, things that are bugging us, what our hopes are, and dancing to the music of nature… but which of course I mean we got shit drunk, smoked some great wee, talked about sex, laughed over silly anime scenes, and twerked to slipknot girly bops!. It was such a fun night at that point that I honestly wish I could go back and never let that night end. It was intoxicating how beautiful the sky looked, and when gazed up it was almost like we could scoop the stars into our hands and sip from the sea of stars. I was worried we'd just be on our phones all night filming tiktoks or something but even with no signal, no one really seemed to be too stressed about it, we all just kind of felt safe… Almost welcomed into the forest, like being embraced by a loving mother. But unfortunately, heaven isn't forever, and men come not but to steal, kill, and destroy.
As we were drinking we decided to tell some scary stories… or well I decided to because I thought "it's so cliché but we have to do it. It feels like tradition almost." plus I would've regretted it if we didn't do it, so fuck it, right? Right. So we go around telling scary stories to one another, and I mention to friend Six that I keep thinking about those poor men that went missing. I then asked if any women had gone missing, and surprisingly she said yes… it was way back in the 1800's but after that there had never been a single missing woman in that forest. The forest was actually named after the first young woman who went missing all those years back, and now there are all these rumors about it but I don't believe in that stuff so I didn't really pay much attention… I kept thinking "I'll just wait for the manga… or the shitty Hollywood cash grab of it…" but I DO vaguely remember the history cause I find dark history lore to be super fascinating. So there was a time when the area had more indigenous citizens living here, before gentrification moved into town. She went on to tell us that indigenous people eventually began to keep to themselves because as more white people moved in, more of their daughters went missing. There are yearly parades to honor the missing daughters and to spread awareness to those living in the town. The police try to shut it down but they still do it every year.
Not long after hearing that we hear something howl in the distance. Friend Three howls back and friend Five falls on her out of her camping chair laughing. I tell them to knock it off because the last thing we need is for her to accidentally attract a wolf during mating season! I don't know if that’s a thing, but it sounds like something that’s a thing… So I'm just going to assume that it is. Don't judge me. She then says "But what if it's Taylor Lautner? Or Joe Manganiello? Personally… I'm more of a Meatloaf guy myself… But you know… RIP… But Joe is pretty fine and my mom did always hope I'd marry a black man to get melanin back in our family… But I don't think a splash of melanin is gonna override this asian/african skin so… Anyways! So these guys come walking past our camp site, and we're all drunk and high so we're already all on edge upon seeing random men this deep into the forest, but friend Four gets up and says "who the fuck are you and what're you doing here!?" One of the men quickly apologizes and tells us they're actually out here camping as well. They said a friend of theirs found this waterfall in the forest that glows because it captures the moon's light. Friend Two hears this and asks if we can go with them, to which we all begrudgingly agree.
At the "mooncuzi" I like to call it, we all sit around this beautiful natural pool lit up by the moon, and we were worried it would be cold but I was surprisingly warm, if I had to guess I'd assume there's a magma vein under there or something? Idk, I'm not a geologist or volcanologist, but something kept it warm and it wasn't my tiny bladder! Everyone was really relaxed and the guys honestly seemed super cool, and guy One honestly seemed really nice. I call him guy One because he's number 1 to me, we're still together now, and we even have another partner now, so yay! We all began talking and some of us were hitting it off, clearly… but we had all been drinking and smoking more which, honestly we had stopped… but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to get cross-faded in a mooncuzi. Nuh. Nope. Not on my watch. But someone clearly didn't get the vibe memo, because friend Two screams out "bro what the fuck I said no!"
The next thing we hear is "You don't have to yell about it like some kind of cunt!" Everyone runs over to try and figure out what's going on. Turns out guy Five didn't like being told no. He and friend Two were playing a drinking game with friends Three and Four and guy Three and Four. We learned that guy Five dared friend Two to take her top off, to which she said politely refused, and the guys didn't seem to like that. They tried to convince her it's part of the game. One of the guys said she was already in her underwear anyway, so she might as well… My guy, One, and guy Two scolded their friends for their behavior, which is why guy Two and friend Two are married now… Guess nice guys don't finish last, huh? Anyways, They scolded their friends for their behavior, I remember my guy yelling "you never speak to a woman like that!" and "If I ever catch you trying to peer pressure a woman again I'll take your testicals in my hand and squeeze on them slowly until I know what it's like to feel one pop in my hand." and it was honestly the hottest thing I've ever heard a man say… a bit violent… but fuck was I glad I was in the water!
Guys One and Two apologized for their friends' actions the whole way back. I asked them why they remained friends with them and guy One had gone off to college while guy Two went into the service, so the two of them had been away for a few years, but they swore their friends never used to be like that. This was actually supposed to be a reunion hike of sorts since they both happened to come back around the same time. After meeting up with guys Three, Four, and Five though, they realized their friends had been warped by these podcasts about alphas and betas and maximizing your sigma or something, and tried to convince him to listen to some pickup artist that claimed to know the secret to unlocking the female brain. Also known as, stupid useless slop grifters make to get rich off young boys with zero confidence and zero bitches. Lastly, he tells me guy Three was actually raised by a single mother alongside his two sisters, so he really wouldn't expect that kind of behavior from him. Guy Four was always sort of sketchy but they thought he was "just being funny", men right? The only thing they felt was weird about him was this one time when they were teens his sister moved away and he got really quiet afterwards, but then he dated a few people that looked almost identical to her, but for some reason he didn't see it, so they started calling him "little sister" (or did they? oooo) or "Lil" for short, joking he had an undiagnosed sister complex… Ew. That’s all I’ll say to that. The last guy, Five, they said always seemed fine to them, they didn't elaborate, so idk what their idea of "fine" is, sorry to disappoint.
Not long after we got back to the camp we heard engines in the distance, and as they got closer and closer we all stared in confusion. No one should be riding vehicles out this way, and friend 6 knows her bf wouldn't come out here without alerting us.
The vehicles stopped after surrounding us with their lights pointing right at us. We heard the familiar voices of guy Three, along with 4 new voices. He whined about how we hyurt his widdle feefees or something obnoxious. I tried to listen but it's just so hard to listen to some overgrown pissbaby go on about their fragile ego. Guys One and Two went to confront guy Three and his posse, asking why they didn’t wait at the car. Guy Three told them they wouldn’t understand because they’ve given themselves over to feminist ideas and allowed themselves to become beta cucks. He told them that simps deserve to die so other men won’t be warped by feminist witch pussy magic like they have… Like we just met these guys and he’s already acting like we had sex… This man's logic was like a runaway train, the cars are all there but they ain’t making it to their destination. Guys One and Two continue to argue with guys Three, Four, and Five, before guys Six and seven come up behind them and put knives to their necks. At this moment I noticed a gleam in guy Three’s eyes. He now thinks he’s invincible… I can see the depravity in his eyes as he looks upon friend Two, stripping her down in his mind, imagining all the sick things he’ll do. And as if to validate my suspicions, he walks up to her and says “You never did complete that dare… How about we start a new game… But this time we won’t have any need for truths.” I watch as fear washes over Two’s face, as she begins to imagine what he is implying, almost as if his depraved thoughts were being projected into her mind, instilling suffering on her before he had even begun to touch her. She catches herself, refusing to give him the satisfaction of fear and spits in his face. She then tells him “you couldn’t even please your hand with a prick that small.” The look of anger on his face was honestly delectable. If I could, I would put it on canvas and call it “Portrait of a Scorned Man” or “Man who just realized being a dick doesn’t make yours bigger”. ANYWAYS, he then began to yell something about "it's up to real men to show women their place in society!" OOO so angwy! They started circling around us like starving wolves. One of them placed themselves against friend Five’s back and said "I always wondered if trans women looked different down there." Which angered friend Five, but not as much as it did friend Four who tends to be a bit of a hot head.
Friend Four may look like a pretty cute petite princess, but she's manlier than most men I know. She's a competitive marksman, as well as being a gymrat who likes to build cars on the weekends. She's also the girlfriend of friend Five, not that that’s important but I feel like it should be important. So anyways, she starts blasting right? And one of these guys yells "what the fuck they’ve got funs!? Who the fuck gave these stupid bitches guns!?" I then hear one of them try to antagonize her by saying "pretty young thang like you shouldn't be carrying such a big piece until she's used to it! AYO!" So she shot a round off at the tree he took shelter behind as if to mock him by letting him know his life is in her hands… She looked like a real boss bitch, like for real! That girl is HIM! She has always been him, she will always be him! While this was taking place, friend Six reached out to her boyfriend now that we could finally use the radio without fear of them taking it. We explained what was happening and asked him to bring help. He told us to tie the button down and to hide it from sight so that he could listen in while he headed to the station to get help. I feel so bad for that man, having to listen to all those screams, feeling completely powerless to do anything in the moment, but we’re so thankful to him for being there in the way that he was.
Gun fire kept ringing out as Four kept firing rounds into the forests yelling “I shoot to maim!” and “You’re not safe here!” hoping to scare the men enough to make them retreat because none of them seemed to have rifles on them… But then we hear it… The first scream… Everyone freezes in their tracks, their heart stilled by this sudden shriek of terror that seemed to only further race towards the all consuming darkness. The moment it stopped nothing remained but the slow encroaching crawl of raindrops and the rapid beating drums of the fear in our hearts. It's then that the rain came down like a closing curtain on the chapter of our innocence, because that’s when we heard the second scream, a scream just as chilling as the first, ascending high into the tree tops before we see something that shocks everyone to their core; the haunting image of a man’s face still screaming, a face still unaware its going to meet, a face that still hopes to be saved but never will. Within unison, as if hell had a chorus, we all screamed in silence as we turned to run. With no other means of safety, my friends, guys One and Two, as well as myself ran for the tent. We don't really know what happened after we got into the tent, but not a second went by that we didn't think we wouldn't be next. We know better now, but in that moment I felt both relief and fear for my life. I just kept thinking how lucky I was that I was fortunate enough to die with my dignity still intact… I kept thinking "at least those man babies didn't get to do whatever depravity they had in mind"
Well by now everyone knows what happened, it's been on the news. Those 3 guys and all of their cronies turned up missing… But what the news won't tell you is that we were saved by Mama Makwa, we call her that due to the sounds we heard, as well as the site we saw afterwards. The bellowing sound of vengeance that came in the form of a bear’s roar was as loud as the mean screaming they saw a 9 ft tall bear with skin dripping off of its bone like fur. We later learned that men referred to it as “Slippy Skin” aka "Wejuk", as it seemed the bear would change appearance depending on who gazed upon its visage, but this was not "Wejuk". One by one, we heard those men scream for their lives, describing a creature with a mouth made of human hands that had palms covered by teeth shaped like hypodermic needles. It had claws that seemed like stone daggers that were etched by native americans. They warned each other "Don't look into its eyes!" before proclaiming how sorry they were for the things they'd done… They complained of the putrid stench suffocating them as they were pulled into its gaping maw. They screamed of the creatures rotting viscous flesh melting into their own, and making their skin a part of it, as if their skins were fuel for the fear this best could instill by its mere dominion over them. But we never saw that creature… Instead, after the screams stopped, we were greeted by this beautiful creature that looked like a bear, only it had this glow about it, and its fur seemed almost like the softest of opalescent feathers. Its eyes looked just like the aurora borealis, and she was mesmerizing. We felt safe, and welcomed, and most of all protected… After everything that happened, I think we will be coming back, because we know Mama Makwa will be there to protect us. We believe Mama Makwa is an avenging spirit born from the fear those women felt, here to make sure no other women ever have to suffer like they did within this forest. We also now understand why those men all went missing. My boyfriend and friend Two's husband weren't attacked by Mama Makwa… Only the men who felt any sort of ill intent toward us women that night saw Mama Makwa in that form, the form they confused for Slippy… But knowing there is a safe haven for women out there, I'm thinking we will have another girls night next year, anybody wanna come?

I’ve read this subreddit so much. I’ve never felt a need for an outside perspective that wasn’t my friends or partner. But I’m a bit stuck. Sorry for how long it is, I tried not to miss out anything too relevant.
TL:DR - boyfriend used to be FWB with his friend, now they’re best friends. Lots of reassurance from boyfriend nothing going on anymore, no feelings there. But his friend drunkenly ‘confessed’ to liking him still. Few days later, when it was addressed, said it was a drunken thing with no meaning. Not sure how to handle it.
So onto the situation. I’m 34m, he’s 30m. I’m going to call him Ollie to make it easier to follow. I’ve been exclusive with Ollie since end of January, so not a long time relatively speaking. But I’ve had a number of relationships and I’ve never felt this strongly about someone this quickly.
We have so much in common, he’s absolutely amazing, he’s handsome, kind, caring and funny. He’s mature where it counts and can look after himself (something I’d lacked in my previous serious partner). I know it can be something great. There’s just one singular issue…
A year before I met him he was seeing someone, a FWB situation. They fell in love (or at least my partner did, not sure if it was reciprocated). I do know Ollie wanted more and for it to be serious but was turned down. They then became best friends.
When I first started dating Ollie there would be little snippets that gave away how close they were, and it started making me feel a bit uncomfortable. For example the last time they slept together was Dec, while we started dating a January.
It’s not typical to be best friends with an unrequited love that used to be your FWB, and it made me feel a bit uneasy. It might be something we’ve done in the bedroom and he’d say things like “I didn’t realise I was into that until a year ago”. I brought up to him that it’s a strange dynamic and he made it very very clear he doesn’t feel like that anymore about him. He also set a boundary that he wouldn’t stop being friends with the other guy. It’s not something I asked, I guess he was just preempting just in case. He doesn’t have many other close friendships, lots of less close friends/acquaintances.
My past relationship ended through them cheating, and I’m conscious I might still have trauma from that. Where it’s more difficult to trust someone. I just don’t want to invest time in someone if they’re not over someone else, or if they’ll likely cheat with them. I’d rather there was honesty and we move on.
I’ve kept my worries to myself, and from advice from friends I’m choosing to trust him unless the trust is broken. So this brings me to last weekend. We were all out drinking, including Ollie and his friend and others. At some point in the night Ollie’s friend is alone with him in the club and confesses he likes Ollie. He was very very drunk at this point, and Ollie came and found me straight away and let me know.
I appreciate the honesty, and him coming to me straight away. It definitely helps with trust. But it just reinforces my worry that it’s an unhealthy relationship. Where his friend is seeing Ollie finally move on and happy, and maybe he’s worrying his fall back option might be slipping away?
I asked Ollie to address it with his friend when he’s sober - which he’s done. And it was put down to a drunken situation. However I’m left feeling a bit like it’s a ticking time-bomb. If things were truly reciprocated and communicated better would they be together? If it wasn’t a drunken confession would things be different? I’m just not sure how to navigate their friendship.
To me it crossed my boundary. I want to be with Ollie, I am just having a hard time coping with the baggage. If it was one of my friends that did that with me I’d create quite a lot of distance from them. Not necessarily saying not to be friends, but put more of a barrier up. Ollie would struggle with that as it’s his best friend.
Since that weekend he saw him Monday for an hour after work (thats usually when they see each other for a catch up). Then Tuesday for one drink and food with a couple others. Then today Ollie went for drinks with work and his friend happened to be there with some other people too. Now I think the last one might have been a case of “I’m around here if you want to join” but it was put to me that it was a coincidence. I don’t think it was, but I think Ollie is trying to ‘protect me’ through a white lie.
I know from previous requests for advice the above might be alarm bells for cheating. I really don’t think it is, there’s lots of communication with me during this, and pictures and videos. Lots of really strong words of affirmation, and how much he likes me. I think he realises it might be a bit of a trigger for me.
It just all feels unhealthy, and it makes me want to run away from it. I just haven’t felt like this about someone by this point and feel without that baggage things would be amazing.
I know if I ended it Ollie would be devastated (as would I). But I’m starting to worry about this too much, I just want to be care free and not have baggage in a situation like this. Equally no one would be perfect, or come without some kind of baggage or trauma I suppose.
Should I just accept their friendship and try not to worry about it? Should I push for more boundaries between him and his friend?

This was during my high school years. I was in a vet science course and we had an animal lab we would go into every Monday. There were many animals in that lab. Including gerbils. Now my class was majority popular kids. The pretty/handsome, smart, extroverted, and troublemakers popular kids. I was not one of those kids. So they were the ones who would name animals since the teachers had quite the relationship with them.
This particular day, you can say I was there at the right time on the right day. Our gerbils just had babies and they were getting names along with their own enclosures. I was in the main room, helping with getting enclosures started up. The teacher was there along with a girl named Rocky and her boyfriend Nate. A couple of the popular kids. They were talking about names, and Rocky wanted to name them after SpongeBob characters. The teacher wanted to name them after beans. Like Lima, Pinto, etc.
They could not come to an agreement. I was at the table working on a tank. I was just there. Not engaging in the conversation. However then the teacher turned to me and said “What do you think?” Caught off guard, I froze with a gerbil in my hand and was like “What?-“ I must have looked like a deer in headlights. Then she repeated herself. I said “Uh…beans?” And Rocky was like “What?! Beans?!” And I responded with “I think it’s funny”. And the teacher agreed.
The kids then came up with a bunch of bean names and they had to come to me to “approve it”. I wrote the names down on all the enclosures. It’s just that feeling of being included that makes you feel nice. My day was made then.

I wondering if I could get help figure out if I have a cold or it’s just allergies. On Sunday, my throat felt a little funny and by Monday morning I woke up with a sore throat no other symptoms. Monday night I took 50mg Benadryl and ibuprofen 600mg. Tuesday morning my sore throat was gone but I began to have nasal irritation. Today, I still have the nasal irritation and I’ve been sneezing and coughing more, my eyes little are swollen. I don’t feel fatigued nor do I have muscle aches. I took a Covid and strep throat test on Monday both came back negative. I took another Covid test today it’s negative. Does this sound like allergies?

So the last time I posted I had said I wasn't going to be able to go through school without someone bringing up what had happened at the formal that my school had done on Friday the 10th. Guess what, I was right. Monday, I go into school feeling like I shouldn't be there, and everywhere I go I could hear people talking about the event, and even bringing up how I ended up running off crying. I didn't want to make a scene so the entire morning I tried not to cry, and get through the day. Thankfully nothing worse happened that day, but come Wednesday, things got worse.
Today, Wednesday, I was in Government class. I had accidentally farted and my class being my class, over reacted and all moved far away. I will be honest that part was too funny that I couldn't breathe with how hard I was laughing, I was apologizing over and over to the teacher for disturbing the class and thankfully he was understanding because it happens and there are things he knows are hard and sometimes impossible to control. It was then, that my class started yelling at me saying I needed to control myself and that I farted on purpose, and also saying I will be the cause for everyone getting pink eye. Someone in my class even said I was being unnatural.
Just then, one of my classmates said something that completely went too far. He said "It's no wonder they said all those things about you at Jr./Sr." That was way too far. I was already going through a lot because they were making fun of me for wearing a scarf with a wolf pattern.
If this is what the next generation is going to be, I do not want to be a part of it.

About six months ago, in November, I started my journey through the "Chronicles of Chrestomanci," which of course are not really a series as much as a collection of books which all take place in the same set of universes. I read everything in order of publication, posting my thoughts here each time, and with the completion of this book I am now all the way through these wonderful novels. Please forgive my lack of direct quotes this time--having read nothing else for fun besides these books for six months, I found my note-taking capacity to be somewhat diminished. Maybe in the future I'll write a more detailed review.
The Pinhoe Egg is the final Chrestomanci book, whether you're reading them in order of publication or chronologically. I have no doubt Diana Wynne Jones did not intend this to be a "series" with a beginning and end; rather, I assume she simply got several book ideas that took place in this world, and this happened to be the last time before she died. It is sheer luck, then, that this last book is a sort of grand culmination of them both thematically and narratively, and possibly the best of the lot.
We start, typically, with a new protagonist, Marianne Pinhoe, and a new locale, the small rural village of Ulverscote, located a stone's throw from Chrestomanci Castle and Helm St. Mary. I liked that we got a little more background about this area throughout the book. When I go back to reread Charmed Life, I'm looking forward to putting it all into this new context.
Marianne became a favorite character almost instantly, and I was hooked on her storyline right from the beginning. Jones has a typically virtuosic opening sequence, wasting no time in establishing the key characters and launching into a dreadfully funny episode telling of Marianne's grandmother (who is also a kind of matriarch or "Gammer" over all the Pinhoes) apparently abruptly developing dementia and being forcibly removed from her home. There is black comedy galore here, all painfully adjacent to the real experience of making arrangements for a feeble or senile parent, as when Gammer is so averse to leaving her home that she roots herself in the bed, complete with actual roots. Meanwhile, Gammer's brothers and many children squabble over who gets to live in her house and where her belongings will go.
I mentioned before how Jones is always surprising me with the variety of formal structures and writing styles she employs. I thought I had figured out her game here, and was sure it was going to be similar to Conrad's Fate, where a new protagonist gradually makes their way into meeting familiar characters. But of course, Jones neatly sidesteps all reader expectation and switches tracks suddenly a few chapters in, focusing on Cat Chant as a second, equal protagonist, and revealing this book to be, among other things, the true sequel to Charmed Life--published 29 real-life years later. Jones then begins alternating between Cat and Marianne unevenly, and sometimes even from sentence to sentence, as in Witch Week. Her sleight of hand is sly and clever, and the craftsmanship is remarkable. Hats off--each of the seven books in this series reads totally differently. Jack of all trades, master of all, our Diana.
Jones stacks on the themes this time. We of course get some of her usual preoccupations, particularly with that of unreliable families. The Pinhoes may be the worst of the lot, or at least the most upsetting, because while in most of the other books the dysfunction is obvious, things are more insidious here. The reader is actually led (through Marianne's obedient, rule-following perspective) to see Harry, Cecily, Gammer, and most of the uncles and aunts as well-meaning individuals who care for one another. However, as in Charmed Life (and Cat himself draws the comparison), as the book goes on and Marianne becomes more independent, it becomes increasingly difficult for her, and for us, to justify their cruel behavior. It is genuinely devastating when Marianne figures out what's going on halfway through the book, decides to approach the adults in her life about it, and is laughed off or outright punished by all of them. There is a familiar scene at the end of the book: Marianne's and Joe's talents are vindicated by Chrestomanci and they are given the opportunity to nurture their skills in an education apart from parents who hold them back by refusing to understand or accept them. Replace the current Chrestomanci with the previous acting Chrestomanci, Gabriel de Witt, and you have the same scene as the end of Conrad's Fate. The detail that Marianne and Joe still go home and see their parents regularly is brutally realistic, Marianne able to convince her mother to soften on some issues, but ultimately failing to truly connect with her father. This seems to me the ultimate conclusion of the obsession with family dynamics in the Chronicles of Chrestomanci--that your family will always be there, like them or not, whether or not a true understanding can ever be reached. I'm not ashamed to say I cried through the last couple chapters of the book, and found the first line Jones has written that made me audibly sob. This was a feeling from childhood I didn't even know I had forgotten:

[Marianne] was depressed and worried. Dad was never going to understand and never going to forgive her. And Gaffer had still not turned up. On top of that, school started on Monday week. Though look on the bright side, she thought. It'll keep me away from my family, during the daytime at least.

As in Conrad's Fate, the potential toxicity of religion crops up here, in a bigger way than ever. The last act of the book is barely disguised by its magical trappings: what we have here is a group of devout, religious conservatives, being shown the harmful effects of their actions, and blindly rejecting all of the proof and logic in front of them in favor of enforcing rules and laws that keep them comfortable. There is no doubt that the next generation of Pinhoes will be just as subject to the old traditions, in spite of Marianne and Joe breaking free. That the Reverend Pinhoe is portrayed as a hapless and kind man, ignorant to most of the wrongdoing in the village, does little to soften the point of Jones's pencil here. As I said, I was startled by how moved and devastated I was by this final section, recognizing all of the real-world pain in this fantastical setting.
Jones has always been steadfastly protective of those who cannot speak up for themselves, as with the character of Cat who finds it difficult to recognize and verbalize his feelings. This time, borrowing from a kind of Shinto animism, Jones includes the concept of Dwimmer, a magic that is focused on the life force within all creatures and plants. There is no debate where Jones stands on this--her deepest and most profound sympathies lie with Cat, who can't bear to imagine his horse Syracuse chopped into dog meat, who frets over Klartch's wellbeing when out of his sight, and who firmly refuses to apologize for releasing all the goblinlike fairy folk from their bindings. There is no direct intimation of endangered species, global warming, or human-caused environmental destruction in this book, as you might expect in this kind of setup (I suspect Jones was too clever to resort to trite metaphors). However, in a fascinating twist, a plot detail revolves around the Pinhoes and Farleighs erecting a barrier in the forest to contain the magical creatures, making the forest feel empty and incomplete in the process--a magical, but also literal, instance of deforestation. Motives of plants, herbs, and trees, both good and evil, carry through the book as well. Jason and Gaffer Elijah Pinhoe, as well as Cecily, are handy with plants and tend large gardens. The Farleighs' and Pinhoes' spells tend to take the form of small bags of weeds and branches as well. Interestingly, and insightfully, the natural world is portrayed as difficult as well: Gammer grows roots to impede her family's mission, and the vile Gaffer Farleigh morphs into a stubborn, gnarled, immovable petrified oak when Cat works a spell forcing him to assume his true form.
This was one of the most enjoyable books in the Chrestomanci series, and it was bittersweet to close the door on the Pinhoes. I like that the continuity between these books is vague and tenuous, so I'm free to imagine all sort of side goings-on, like what might happen to Marianne and Cat later in life, or whether Conrad and Christopher remained friends, or what Roger and Julia thought when their dad told them all about the events at the academy in Witch Week. Howl's Moving Castle is still the book closest to my heart, and will forever be the Diana Wynne Jones I read over and over, recommending to anyone unfortunate enough to strike up a conversation about books with me, but I am so glad that I found the time to welcome Chrestomanci and all his strange acquaintances into my heart, too.
Here's my personal ranking of the Chronicles of Chrestomanci, but please note I love all of these books and a low ranking does not mean I don't like the book. I have to put that there because there's always someone who doesn't understand that last place doesn't mean bad or worst. I'm not including the short stories individually because it's impossible for me to weigh a short story against a novel, whereas a large collection seems to make sense to me. I also must admit that the top three, especially the top two, were really difficult to place and I more or less love them equally.

1. Conrad's Fate
2. The Pinhoe Egg
3. Charmed Life
4. Mixed Magics
5. The Magicians of Caprona
6. Witch Week
7. The Lives of Christopher Chant

My next Jones book will be -- drumroll, please -- Archer's Goon, though I'm taking a break for some adult reading during the summer. While I'm in a school semester I can pretty much only manage to read children's fantasy, so I'll see you all come August or September. :) Thanks to those of you who have been reading and following my journey from start to finish. I would love to chat more about this book and this series.
Oh, and finally... ALL SPOILERS ALLOWED!

Here is my break up story.
He(29) and I(F25) have been together for almost three years. We had some differences, that’s for sure. He had a brain injury that had an impact on his speech, and motor skills. Sometimes he couldn’t feed himself without flinging it everywhere, so I would happily help. He couldn’t walk correctly without it eventually leading to falling down. I would be his human crutch, he would stand behind me with his hands on my shoulders and the weight of our bodies would work together to keep him upright. It was much easier for me to put his socks on him, than for him to do it some days. So I would do that, and so on. I never minded, not one bit. It never even crossed my mind as the slightest bit of inconvenience. I loved him, and still do - and that love was untouchable. Could not be matched. That’s not to say he won’t find someone who loves him as much as I do, but I know that my love for him was unconditional, and endless. It was strong, and overpowered anything else. We both had insecurities, often he’d ask me who was messaging me when it really was just a game notification, or ten. I played a lot of phone games; bingo, solitaire, slots, word games, whatever. They’d coincidentally all notify me at the same time, typically on the hour, every few hours. I’d do the same, ask “who are you texting?”. Funny, neither of us had a reason to worry about it… to this day, we don’t.
We also had great similarities, we worked together, in my eyes. We would laugh about the dumbest things. We knew exactly how to comfort each other. The little sweet things all added up and made for what I thought was a perfect little peaceful home. Our views on social issues, or moral standards aligned well. Of course, we had some disagreements too, but no two people in this world are 100% eye to eye.
April 6th this year, last month, I boarded my first ever plane, at the age of 25 with him. We were flying to Florida to stay with his mom and her long-term boyfriend at a new home she had just purchased, a seasonal home. This trip was really fun. I loved the time I got to spend with him, and his mom and her partner. On the last full day we were there we had gone to a beach, and as cheesy as it sounds - he picked up a pretty dull looking seashell that was in front of him. He asked me to add it to the bag of unique looking shells I had walked around gathering. I asked him why… It looked so ordinary. He told me for some reason that’s the first thing he spotted when he realized he wants to marry me someday. This made me happy, it made me feel even more secure than I already did.
Fast forward to when we arrive home, the following day. We relaxed over the weekend and then returned to our Monday through Friday jobs. I worked 9-5, and then three nights of the week would have night class from 6-10. He worked 3-11, and so he’d get home just a tad bit later than me. I almost always stayed up to see him, we’d say hi, cuddle, and go to bed. Each weekend we had with each other we would spend time doing whatever, but together. Come the beginning of May, it was a Monday. I went into school 30 minutes early as requested to speak with the director of education. They terminated my enrollment due to an incident that occurred between me and 5 other classmates. An argument, one that should not have happened. I had remorse for this. He had told me the night the argument happened, while I was upset, that he won’t be mad if I get terminated, he thought my reaction to the situation and how I handled it was valid. As long as I stuck through and didn’t drop out over it then he wouldn’t be mad. I agreed, no dropping out. Thursday I got a text message from him. He told me that I have 8 days to move out. That our relationship has been such a big part of his life for so long, he needed to be on his own, be with his friends - essentially that he needed to find himself. In this message he always advised this was nothing I did, that he will cherish all the memories he has that we made together. He also said that he doesn’t want me reaching out unless it was to discuss the division of our belongings, and that doing this face to face would not be healthy or productive, it will just make it harder.
So… Hold on. A month ago, you told me you love me so much, and one day you’re sure you’re going to marry me. I could hear the honesty and vulnerability in your voice, I could see it in your face. Now, all of the sudden, even though you called me babe just this morning, and asked me to pick stuff up from the store for you on my way home… a couple hours later, out of nowhere, you’re just…done? This doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense. I am destroyed. I love you more than anything and would have - did, do anything I possibly could for you, but you think life without me will be better? That fucking hurt, no actually - I swear it killed a part of me. I’m not angry. I am so god damn fucking sad. I am lost. I am anxious. I am scared. I am alone. I feel abandoned. I am uncomfortable. I see no future anymore, the rug was ripped from under me and I was left alone, to get my stuff out as soon as possible while trying to nurse a torn apart, stomped on, broken heart… and what is worse for me, is you’re worth it. People keep telling me to “try to think of the reasons why this is a good thing” but I can't, to me there is absolutely not one good thing about this for me. I can’t stop thinking “is he going to realize this wasn’t the right choice?” “Does he care at all about me?” “How can he not care not one little teenie tiny speck about me, all of the sudden?” “Is he hurting right now and his coping mechanism is to shut me out, 100%, completely?” “Will I ever even hear from him again?” “Is he ok?” “Does he miss me?” “Does he hate me, for essentially… no reason?” “Am I doing the right thing by abiding by his request not to reach out to him?” “Maybe he is waiting for me to reach out to him… but he told me not too.”
I am so lost. I miss you so much. I want you to realize the same. I want you to text me and say, “I don’t know what I was thinking, I miss you, can I see you?”
But all I’ve gotten is radio silence… I’m not religious, I wish I was - in a time like this I feel that faith is the only thing that could make someone feel accepting of the situation… but I still pray to God, or whatever higher power there is that he changes his mind.
I need help, but no one can give it to me. I am helpless.
This happened last Thursday, last text he sent was Saturday night, to confirm I have until this upcoming saturday to move out. Last text I sent was monday, I asked him what he would like me to do with his laundry (due to his disability we had a system for his clothes), but got no response... I haven't texted since.

We had our vet visit yesterday and as Dad was carrying him up the back steps I snapped a photo for some reference.
We have finally landed on the perfect combination of food where he is eating VERY well (and often wants more). I worried for nothing.
Water, well once he has used the water bowl, it's now dirty and must be changed. Unless the water in front of him is 100% fresh and untouched he snubs it. Kind of high standards for water, but here we are.
I AM a bit disappointed in some things my vet mentioned. There are some important factors I can't mention here to abide by the rules, but I thought I was choosing a breeder that did not intentionally practice breeding for smaller sized dogs. I AVOIDED anything "teacup" or "micro" because I am a worrier by nature. Having a STANDARD sized Yorkie is worrying enough so it's something I would be paranoid about (hyperglycemia) nonstop. HOWEVER, my vet seems to be familiar with my breeder and knows while they don't openly state it, they DO breed for smaller versions and Dexter's size confirms that.
Dex is 13 weeks and comes in at 2 lbs 8 ounces, 5.5 inches tall. I THOUGHT that was WELL within average for a male yorkie. (He will be officially 3 months old on MONDAY. From my own record of weighing him, he gains almost an ounce per day, so should hit 3 pounds by that mark.
Is that NOT standard size ? She says he looks great, she sees nothing alarming, she brought up his underbite and I said I did know he had it before I got him. She confirmed it doesn't affect his ability to chew, swallow or eat. I said he is being neutered and not a show dog so the underbite didn't change my decision to go forward. She said it gives him character. I don't think it's all that noticeable to be honest.
But SIZE wise, especially those with males yorkies, is he NOT within average range ? Was your pup similar in size and what is their weight full grown ? Are they standard size now ?
p.s. have I mentioned how much I love him? I AM SERIOUSLY head over heals with this little guy in 3 short weeks 😍😍😍 He is so darn CUTE, but it's his outgoing, funny personality that really grabs me. The FUNNIEST little quirks ever, he has me in stitches half the day. Telling him no is the biggest insult ever and he barks back EVERY time. I KNOW that should not be funny but I can't help it.

I will make daily updates in here. It's been quite a journey for me. Will post my history prior to effexor below.. So far am on day 3.
Day 1 - 5/13/2024
Took at 10:00
Anxiety was sky high when I took but settled some 45 minutes after taking.
12:00 feeling jittery and kinda spaced out?
14:00 extreme anxiety
17:00 nausea / dry heave
18:00 headache
Stomach rumbling at night which was kinda funny listening too tbh.
Day 2 - 5/14/2024
Took at 10:10
Really bad anxiety after taking.
Felt really weird before noon
At noon stated reading a book called Hope and Hell for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weeks.
From 12:30 - 13:45 I felt an overwhelming calmness that freaked me out kinda. I felt at peace, really strange.
16:00 nausea when I yawn
Increased jitters and burning chest (anxiety) at night while settling down for bed.
My story and history :
since December I have been suffering with anxiety which has progressively gotten worse to the point where it has made me depressed as well. As of this post I am at an all time low and am in desperate need of relief. If you make it to the end I will explain what I am going through.
I am a male in my late 30s and have had two bouts of anxiety / depression in my life both of which lasted 3 months (2015 and 2020), and were cured with therapy. This time seems different..
I have a very stressful job which requires me to work 7 days a week with the only break being when I take vacation or slow times in the industry. It pays really well and helps me provide my wife and two young kids a good life so I put up with it in the hopes I can manage the stress better in time. I mention the above because I truly believe it has alot to do with the state I am in now.
I have always been caring, outgoing, light natured, and humerous throughout my life and also pretty sensative. I really want to go back to that and hope treatment will help.
I also realize I am my own worst enemy in getting treatment as you will see in the paragraphs below.
When I was a teenager into my early twenties I was carefree and would try most drugs to fit in. Extacy, lsd, mushrooms, pills, etc.. Never touched the extremely hard stuff. Marijuana was my best friend and I smoked a ton of it. Hello panic attack! I remember the first time I got one after smoking Marijuana in my early twenties. It was horrible! I couldn't smoke Marijuana anymore afterwards because it would induce a panic attack. I told myself it was God's sign telling me to stop so I did. I haven't smoke Marijuana since.
Fast forward a few years from then I was introduced to a medical condition called gout. It is very painful and the first time I was treated for it I was given narcotic pain medication and an anti inflammatory. I took both when I got home and it provided relief. Being this was my first experience, I wanted to research gout a little more and I did just that on the internet. Here comes the part where my life changed for the worse..
For some reason, I also asked google if you could overdose on the pain medication I was currently taking. No clue why I wanted to know but as soon as I read you could, I instantly had the worst panic attack I ever experienced.
Ever since that point in my life I have refused to take medication in fear of another panic attack. From that point forward, my mind associated taking medication with panic. For the years afterwards I always had a panic attack when I tried to take anything including something as simple as advil.
Anytime I would be prescribed something I would obsessively research it, watch videos on it, read reviews, etc.. I would psych myself out and not take it.
Fast forward to 2015 when I finally moved out of my parents house. I won't go too much into it but I had my first bout of extreme anxiety and depression from it. It was a big change for me and it took a few months to pull myself out of it with the help of a therapist.
Life was absolutely WONDERFUL after that. I was on my own, found the love of my life, got married in 2018, and was the happiest I had ever been.
2020 was my second episode of anxiety and depression. In a matter of 6 months I lost my grandmother, godmother, my one year old boxer puppy, and my father in law. I also had my first child. Not to mention it was covid time...After everything settled down from the chaos it hit me like a ton of bricks. Bam!..anxiety and depression. It was awful and I knew I needed help. I started therapy and it helped tremendously. It was suggested that I also see a pyschiatrist. I did and he prescribed me prozac to take along with therapy. I was not going to take it. We all know how I am with my phobia of medication.
One day I said screw it and out of nowhere threw it in my mouth and swallowed. I expected the worse. Nothing happened...I continued to take it for 4 days and didn't notice anything bad happening to me. I was happy about that.
The 5th day I had a panic attack because I started to feel really strange. I don't remember exactly how I felt but I remember calling my sister and telling her I feel really weird. She assured me it is normal and to keep on which I did.
The 6th day I took my pill in the AM and all was well. I was tired so I stayed in bed. Out of nowhere I felt a rush of bad bad bad energy take over my body. It is hard to explain. It was like a rush of anxiety but with it was a sense of hopelessness and dread. I had experienced in my first bout back in 2015 but not this severe. I was scared and called my psychiatrist and left a message. I immediately went to my mother's and cried cried cried. The feeling subsided. My psychiatrist called me back very quickly and when I explained what I felt he told me to stop taking it and to take the ativan he prescribed if needed.
I stopped the medication and never took an ativan. I got better over the next couple months through therapy and all was well.
I did have a tiny breakthrough and convinced myself to take a medication to stop my reoccurring gout attacks. It is called allopurinol and is regarded as one of the safest medications out there. It took alot of courage and of coarse I read every review there is on it but I eventually just threw it in my mouth and fell asleep. Have been taking it daily for two years now.
Fast forward to December of last year 2023. The stress from work and medical issues throughout 2023 must have built up and I had a breakdown. I started to get anxiety and small feelings of the hopelessness I mentioned above. December into January into February I dealt with it and kept telling myself it will pass like the other times. It didn't and kept getting worse. I finally sought help from a psychologist in late February / early March. After the first few sessions I would immediately get a high from the previous hours talk. It was fantastic but eventually wore off a few hours later.
The anxiety I was experiencing / am experiencing is absolutely horrible. Non stop jaw clenching, chest pains, tension, blurred vision, lack of good sleep, extremely heightened senses, etc. I am good at telling myself it is anxiety and will go away. I don't freak out over it into full blown panic but I feel like I am always borderline panic while also being exhausted. It's very uncomfortable. I have had multiple health checkups and all is fine.
I decided to call my old psychiatrist because it had been 3 months with minimal relief. I was told he was retiring and he referred me to someone else who I am now seeing.
He prescribed me Paxil and klonopin in marxh and of coarse my phobia stopped me from taking it. We did a gene test to see which medicine would work for me and paxil was a good fit. I just couldn't do it. For the next few weeks I seemed to be getting better by getting out and doing things. I even started fishing again which was a huge passion of mine. Things were looking up!
Anxiety was going from an all day thing to maybe a couple hours type of thing! I was hopeful...
Let me introduce you to my buddy kidney stones...
Middle of April I woke up to EXCRUCIATING pain. I eventually went to the ER that day after hours of suffering and they told me I had 2 kidney stones. They sent me home with the same narcotic pain medication that started my panic attack journey when I was younger and also some other medication. From that Tuesday to Thursday I was in crippling pain and refused the pain medication. It got to a point where I almost blacked out from the pain so I had no choice but to take it. I popped it and finally got some sleep. I think I didn't freak out after taking it because my body was in shock from the pain. I woke up 30 minutes later to the excruciating pain again and said enough was enough. I went back to the ER and they did an emergency surgery and put a Stent in me to stop the pain. It worked and was a huge relief.
After catching up on sleep and recovering, I started to get my anxiety back. The next two weeks while waiting on my second surgery my anxiety, which was on the right path prior to this stone, came back to it's previous 10/10 levels. Jaw clenching, blurred vision, etc..
I toughened it out AND not to mention, completed a full 14 day coarse of a strong antibiotic due to a kidney infection! I was so proud of myself. With my newfound proudness, I called my Pyschiatrist and set up an appointment for the following week after my second surgery to discuss some things.
I had my second surgery last Friday the 3rd and they removed both stones. I went home Friday night with another stent in me which I was told to remove from home on Monday by pulling a string that was hanging out of my penis head (sorry for TMI) which in turn pulls the stent from my kidney down and out through my penis. I did that on Monday and it wasn't bad at all.
The Saturday after my surgery went fine. I'm sure I felt good because I was still coming off anesthesia but boy o boy that Sunday I woke up after sleeping 12 hours to a horrible panic attack. Imagine waking up from a dead sleep to the biggest adrenaline dump you could imagine. It was awful and lasted ALL day! I experienced derealization and every symptom you can think off. I should have taken a klonopin but my phobia told me it would make it worse so I didn't. It settled down into the evening and I was absolutely exhausted.
Monday I woke up to another panic attack but not as severe and Tuesday another panic attach which was even less severe. Wednesday the same and this morning has been the first morning I haven't woken up to an adrenalin dump. With that being said, this whole week has been absolutely horrible with 10/10 anxiety. I rarely get breaks from it. At night it calms down and I feel normal. Because of that, I chase that normal feeling and stay up way too late lol.
Anyway, leading up to my psychiatry appointment today, the last few weeks I have been obsessively looking up the 2 ssris and 1 snri my gene test said I was compatible with. Prozac (go figure), paxil, and effexor. I was also compatible with welbutrin.
Paxil I am terrified of because it is supposedly the dirtiest and worst for weight gain (I am a 240lb male).
Prozac I tried previously and I think I didn't give it enough time. I am not 100% sure that dread / hopeless feeling was suicide ideation but the feeling is in a class of its own compared to my normal anxiety.
Effexor I am scared of because of the withdrawel and alot of YouTube reviewers said it made them feel high and wired for the beginning. The horror stories of coming off it scares me too.
Welbutrin I hear great things about but heard it is bad for anxiety which is my main concern.
My overall fear is that any of these will make me lose control and make me not myself. I am also scared that I don't remember what normal feels like and feeling normal will scare me. Crazy to say that. Ultimately he prescribed me Effexor 37.5 for 2 weeks and then upping it to 75mg. He said to take the klonopin if I need it starting up. I have 15 of them.
I know I need to do something because I can't live like this. My wife, my 4 yr old, and my 2 yr old need their father and husband back. It's not fair to them. I'm tired of staying in bed all day. I'm tired of not caring if I wake up. I'm tired of not being the best employee I can be, I'm tired of not being in contact with my friends anymore, I'm tired of not caring about my hobbies, Im tired of being tired, and most importantly I'm tired of feeling like this.
I will start the effexor and update this thread with my progress.

Ok, So I am a 14 year old girl in Year 9, and I have a crush on another boy in my class, lets call him J. So when I was in yr 7 he was kind of an a$$hole, like one of the loud kids, and we were always both in set 1, except for a brief period in year 8. Anyways, we added me on snap, and on Eid, I posted an outfit pic on my story and he said I looked nice and we started talking for a while.
Then in school, whenever I talk he always like suddenly pays attention, and some of the other girls in my class say he's bare staring at me in class. We had a science test on Monday, and the second we fisinshed, he turned round to me and asked what did you get for that question. And whenever we got the same thing he'd be like, yes, I got it right or wtvr. I think he's rlly smart, and he thinks I am smart. Like whenever we are in class, he always asks for my validation for stuff. Say he has an after school detention, he tells the whole class, yo, who has an hour after school but he stares at me whilst he says it. Yesterday, we were doing some history revision cus we have a test coming up, and this might sound really really weird, but I find this funny. He just kept throwing tomatoes at me, and obvs I dashed it back. Then it splattered on the wall, and we kept giggling smm. He got a detention cus he took the blame. and after skl, I texted him on snap like, watch out, imma bring a water gun. Today we had a massive water fight. The whole of class he kept splashing me and it was acc so funny and I tipped my whole bottle at him and we both got a detention. we texted for a bit after school, and I don't know of he acc likes me or if he's just playing with me, shall I ask him out or continue talking to him? Like what do I do! Cus I like him soooo bad. My friends keep shipping us and pushing me into him. Pleaseee help!
Thanks!

I finished reading all the terminals and piecing together the story and the back and forth emails between the producer, writer, and director are really funny and ultimately pretty grim. For those who haven’t read them, They basically describe a hostile creative take over by the guy who bought (most of) the ownership of the Silver Shroud series and starts making questionable creative decisions like firing the long-time actress and voice of the main female protaganist and replacing her with a younger more attractive blonde and even adding Jangles the Moon Monkey as an integral character. (focus groups love him!) On the other side, the woman who was fired and the lead writer are plotting to kidnap and/or murder(?) their boss for ruining their life’s work. The last terminals describe the plan to fly in Monday and confront him but Monday likely never came. The last terminal is dated Friday 10/20/77 and the bombs dropped on 10/23/77. Very good story telling that most people will probably not put together.

Here is my breakup story.
Eric and I have been together for almost three years. We had some differences, that’s for sure. He had a brain injury that had an impact on his speech, and motor skills. Sometimes he couldn’t feed himself without flinging it everywhere, so, being completely able-bodied I would happily help. He couldn’t walk correctly without it eventually leading to falling down. I would be his human crutch; he would stand behind me with his hands on my shoulders and the weight of our bodies would work together to keep him upright. It was much easier for me to put his socks on him, than for him to do it some days. So I would do that, and so on. I never minded, not one bit. It never even crossed my mind as the slightest bit of inconvenience. I loved him, and still do - and that love was untouchable. Could not be matched. That’s not to say he won’t find someone who loves him as much as I do, but I know that my love for him is unconditional, and endless. It is stronger than anything I have ever experienced. We both had insecurities, often he’d ask me who was messaging me when it really was just a game notification, or ten. I played a lot of phone games; bingo, solitaire, slots, word games, whatever. They’d coincidentally all notify me at the same time, typically on the hour, every few hours. I’d do the same, ask “who are you texting?”. Funny, neither of us had a reason to worry about it. We both are loyal.
We also had great similarities, we worked together, in my eyes. We would laugh about the dumbest things, belly laugh uncontrollably. We knew exactly how to comfort each other. The little sweet things all added up and made for what I thought was a perfect little peaceful home of a person. Our views on social issues, or moral standards aligned well. Of course, we had some disagreements too, but no two people in this world are 100% eye to eye.
April 6th I boarded my first ever plane, at the age of 25 with Eric. We were flying to Florida to stay with his mom and her long-term boyfriend at a new home she had just purchased, a seasonal home. This trip was really fun. I loved the time I got to spend with him, and his mom and her partner. On the last full day, we were there we had gone to a beach, and as cheesy as it sounds - he picked up a pretty dull looking seashell that was in front of him. He asked me to add it to the bag of unique looking shells I had walked around gathering. I asked him why… It looked so ordinary. He told me for some reason that’s the first thing he spotted when he realized he is going to marry me. This made me so happy; it made me feel even more secure than I already did.
Fast forward to when we arrive home, the following day. We relaxed over the weekend and then returned to our Monday through Friday jobs. I work 9-5, and then three nights of the week would have night class from 6-10. He works 3-11, and so he’d get home just a tad bit later than me. I almost always stayed up to see him, we’d say hi, cuddle, and go to bed. Each weekend we had with each other we would spend time doing whatever, but together. Come the beginning of May (Last week) it was a Monday. I went into school 30 minutes early as requested to speak with the director of education. They terminated my enrollment due to an incident that occurred between me and 5 other classmates. An argument, one that should not have happened. I had remorse for this from the mintue it ended. Eric had told me the night the argument happened, while I was upset, that he won’t be mad if I get terminated, he thought my reaction to the situation and how I handled it was valid. As long as I stuck through, and didn’t drop out over it then he wouldn’t be mad. I agreed, no dropping out. Thursday I got a text message from him. He told me that I have 8 days to move out. That our relationship has been such a big part of his life for so long, he needed to be on his own, be with his friends - essentially that he needed to find himself. In this message he always advised this was nothing I did, that he will cherish all the memories he has that we made together. That I was a great girlfriend. He also said that he doesn’t want me reaching out unless it was to discuss the division of our belongings, and that doing this face to face would not be healthy or productive, it will just make it harder.
So… Hold on. A month ago, you told me you love me so much, and one day you’re sure you’re going to marry me. I could hear the honesty and vulnerability in your voice, I could see it in your face. Those were not lies. Now, all of the sudden, even though you called me babe just this morning, and asked me to pick stuff up from the store for you on my way home… a couple hours later, out of nowhere, you’re just…done? This doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense. I am destroyed. I love you more than anything and would have - did, do anything I possibly could for you, but you think life without me will be better? That fucking hurt, no actually - I swear it killed a part of me. I’m not angry. I am so God damn fucking sad. I am lost. I am anxious. I am scared. I am alone. I feel abandoned. I am uncomfortable. I see no future anymore, the rug was ripped from under me and I was left alone, to get my stuff out as soon as possible while trying to nurse a torn apart, stomped on, broken heart… and what is worse for me, is you’re worth it. You're worth a million more heartbreaks. People keep telling me to “try to think of the reasons why this is a good thing” but I tried, so hard, and I can't. To me there is absolutely not one good thing about this for me. I can’t stop thinking “is he going to realize this wasn’t the right choice?” “Does he care at all about me?” “How can he not care not one little teenie tiny speck about me, all of the sudden?” “Is he hurting right now and his coping mechanism is to shut me out, 100%, completely?” “Will I ever even hear from him again?” “Is he ok?” “Does he miss me?” “Does he hate me, for essentially… no reason?” “Am I doing the right thing by abiding by his request not to reach out to him?” “Maybe he is waiting for me to reach out to him anyway… but he told me not too.”
I am so lost. I miss you him much. I want him to realize the same. I want him to text me and say, “I don’t know what I was thinking, I miss you, can I see you?”
But all I’ve gotten is radio silence… I’m not religious, I wish I was - in a time like this I feel that faith is the only thing that could make someone feel ok accepting of the situation… but I still pray to God, or whatever higher power there is that he changes his mind.
I saw him briefly two days later when he came to get some clothes for himself, and I made him tell me to my face he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said he does love me and care about me, but this just needs to happen... and before I go thinking there's someone else, there isn't. I know there isn't, though.
Sunday, neither of us reached out to one another. This Monday, I texted him to let him know I will continue paying the credit card bill, I will let him know when I'm finished moving out, and asked if there is something he'd like me to do with his laundry (we had a laundry system due to his disability). This was the first time I got no response... and still, nothing. I didn't reach out Tuesday (yesterday) and I haven't today.
God, I need help, but no one can give it to me. I am helpless.

No ones going to read this and this is going to be very long and im sorry but i dont know how to explain it in a different way. I'll begin with saying im F14 and im kind of introverted and i dont really like being social and talking to people makes me anxious but since year 7 ive had a pretty stable friend group of three other girls. Ever since we became friends ive noticed i do get made fun of, now i know thats normal, all friends make fun of eachother. I make fun of them, they make fun of me and it was pretty harmless at first, just casual joking around.
But maybe a year into our friendship ive noticed one of the girls (T) is kinda rude and shes always yelling at me and swearing and just saying mean things. This happened for months and months until it hit its breaking point. The first major thing was when it was her birthday and it was at a mall, and she got there kind of late and she was freaking out and stressed because she needed to buy paper plates or something so she quickly went to the store and atp 2 other friends were there and she was only being really mean to me. She started yelling in an aisle and other people were around so i did tell her "maybe dont yell, we're in public" and she started yelling at me saying "shut up your face is stupid youre weird nobody cares that its a public place." Now idk if i did something wrong by telling her to not yell but she just kept getting mad. This continued throughout the day and last friday in class she started yelling at me again, it was the end of the week and i was tired and i just started crying and my other friend (S) comforted me and (T) didnt even apologise until much later and i think she only did it because we had plans to go to my house after but i forgave her because i always forgive her but it continued. Now (S) is nicer but shes still quite mean, i have to mention me and my friends have wildy different tastes, in music, movies, media pretty much everything. They have this joke where they call me a millennial because i dont enjoy the things people my age enjoy but i enjoy "old things" which i didnt mind being called a millennial, i mind constantly being made fun of for the things i like.
Now my friend (S) also has this joke which (T) joins in on sometimes, basically the joke is that they call me autistic and a nerd because i like learning things. Now i know being called autistic isnt an insult and i do get annoyed when anyone says it as an insult cause its insensitive. I did play into this joke because to be fair, autism is in my family, most of my cousins on my dads side are extremely autistic and honestly my dad and grandpa and have many symptoms as do I, i guess. I also am not good with social cues especially sarcasm so my friend (T) came up with this thing where she said she'll do a hand signal whenever shes being sarcastic so i dont take something she takes seriously but honestly i think she just exploits it now. She'll say something super mean and act like she was being sarcastic, now i cant definitively say whether or not she was just making a joke or if im being dramatic cause i dont get sarcasm and it makes me feel so horrible and out of place.
Now the biggest thing that made us not talk happened this monday in school. We were talking in class when T brought up this comedian that i was talking a lot about on Friday. I said something like "hes actually pretty funny im surprised not a lot people know him" and both of them started this whole thing about "nobody knows him, hes probably not even funny, hes probably a boomer or something. Haha youre not even a milenial youre such a boomer." I took this as a joke at first but it became annoying after they kept repeating it again and again and again. Everytime i tried to defend my self, S just started spewing out insults really fast and loudly so i just couldnt get my point across. And everytime i did say something like "oh im so sorry for having good/a different taste" they said "thats literally what a boomer would say youre soo weird." Which was also annoying, eventually i said to S "wow all this after i gave u all that chicken on Friday too." (At my house on Friday i got everyone fried chicken to eat) and S said "yeah cause youre a blackie, shut up blackie."
Now i didnt like this for many reasons, im not even black but i know that you shouldnt be saying that word to people regardless of them being black or not. I replied with "you know you cant call people that" and S said "yea you'd know cause you are one, you blackie." I just dont like when people say stuff theyre not supposed to cause its insensitive or just mean. I know even if someone explains exactly why u cant say that word to S or T they wouldnt understand or care. A couple lessons later we had a substitute who basically said "do whatever u want just be quiet" and since S and T had been making fun of me the whole day i wanted to cheer myself up so i decided to watch that comedian i was talking about before. I asked T once if she wanted to watch with me but she said no so i began to watch him alone, with my headphones in not bothering anyone and T looked at my screen and groaned and said "omg shes seriously watching him right now" to S, which imo was just mean cause its not like i was forcing anyone to watch i was just minding my own business? S also looked and kept saying "oh you probably only like him cause hes cute, hes prolly not even funny."
Then they both proceeded to ask me again and again to let them watch and i said no cause i knew they'd just make more fun of him and me. They asked and asked and i had enough and i went to the bathroom for the rest of the lesson. They never apologised but i think they attempted to cause when i came back to class they packed my bag for me which maybe was their way of saying sorry but its weird they didnt vocalise it cause they usually have no issue expressing emotions. The rest of the day i didnt talk to them and neither of them said anything except S asking me if i was okay once. its wednesday now and i didnt go to school cause i got sick but we havent talked and no ones messaged me. All i know is that T thinks im mad at her, which im not im kind of just upset. Idk if theyre going to say sorry but even if they do and we make up they'll just keep making fun of me because they always do.
Im tired of not being normal, i wish i was like everyone else and im tired of not being able to tell my friends about things i like without being mocked. I dont have any other friends, and T and S are popular so god knows if this news will get around and which version other people will hear. I dont know if im being dramatic or this is an issue? I hate school i wish i could go anywhere else.

So a cousin of mine and his wife have been funny with me and my wife for at least five years coming round less and less staying shorter times. They actually did not speak to us for nine months and I had to call his mother and tell her we don’t know why he’s not talking to us.
Cousin came to my house and told me all of these problems are in my head and there’s no problems there .
Has gone back to ignoring us, so as of today I’ve not seen him or heard from him since boxing day .
Today Wednesday I find out he’s been in hospital since Monday his wife has not rang to tell us and he’s facing very serious issues of removing his pancreas and gallbladder.
This guy and his wife have made it very clear that they don’t really want to know us and have a problem with us. What am I supposed to do?
Please note this post is not about the relationship. It’s about what I’m supposed to do right now because if they don’t like us is there any point in going to the hospital and showing some support?
He’s been in hospital since Monday, and his wife has not even told us .

I wanted to recommend this new podcast called Mortal Lands, which is dedicated to the Sarah J. Maas books, but is currently focusing on ACOTAR. There are currently three main episodes out, covering the first 34 chapters of the first book. Even though this is a reread by the hosts, they keep it spoiler-free and do a great job of bringing the perspective of a first-time reader. There are new episodes on Mondays and bonus episodes on Wednesdays, where they include full series spoilers. Also, there are currently no ads.
They do spend a bit of time each episode on summarizing the chapters, but this is mostly interlaced with commentary. The banter is hilarious – I posted some lines I found funny, but it’s even better on audio with the actual delivery:

• On Feyre’s dad: “I just want to chop off all his toes.”
• On Feyre's hygiene: “So when they’re trying to be nice to her and he says that she’s clean… And she takes it as flattery. I don’t think she realized how much she stunk. Think about when you’re pregnant and you’re High Fae and your smelling has to be beyond that of a pregnant mortal female, right? … You smell something that stinks, you vomit. Like the sheer will of these people to not be throwing up…So it was probably actually a really nice compliment. Like, ‘Oh, you can get clean, I really didn’t think it was possible. You are so stinky that I am genuinely shocked by how clean you can become.’”
• On the film adaptation: “How do you watch something with someone in a mask? There's going to be so many close-up shots... lip shots. Him licking his lips, just being like, 'Mmm, that breakfast was good.'”
• On crafting Lucien’s eye: “Tamlin just went to the blacksmith and said, ‘I know you’re normally doing hoofs, but... do you think you can make an eye? How do you feel about balls?’”
• On Calanmai: “Didn’t it feel like such a line? To me, it gave such frat party, like ‘Oh, we’re just creating magic for the land. Oh, this is for the land.’ … I think it’s such a line. It’s like, ‘Oh, by the way, fae women or fae females, don’t worry, we have to do this for the crops. Like, this has to happen for the crops. Oh, no, there’s no other way. This is the only way for the crops.’”
• On Alice’s appearance when Feyre sees through the glamour: “I literally bet she transformed. Not only was her skin tree bark, but then in my mind, her head became like a tree. And just like it’s cut off at the top. Like Groot. Alice turned into Groot.”
• On Feyre drinking fairy wine: “I think she chugged the first drink. I don’t know, in my mind, or maybe I just made that up. In my mind, Lucian’s like, ‘Don’t do that,‘ and she chugged it. She was like, I’m taking this in a one-er… She got the funnel. Like Sarah J. Maas describes getting the funnel and just like drinking it.”

Website: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-jri9h-1198bbb
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mortal-lands-a-sarah-j-maas-book-club/id1741449766
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4RuqRxYkzDXFkQoS5Tezv0?si=KcZLDA_NSb-UsJIMNVa3-A
Pocket Casts: https://pca.st/podcast/8c8bac00-ec8d-013c-3086-0affccc8fded