Wife and I had our first kid and are figuring out what we need and what we don’t. Our house is also not the biggest, so it’d be nice to give what we don’t need to others. We had some donor milk purchased due to a lactation issue at first, but no longer need it. Do y’all know of neighborhood groups that exchange stuff between new parents? I know buy nothing groups exist, so we can try that. Just hoping for something specific so we can maybe converse with more new parents in our area.

Husband and I are 29 years old. Together for 15 years married for 4.
We have 3 kids, 8, 5, and 1.This is mostly regarding our oldest, who is 8.
So he’s not the best with teachers and likes to belittle them I think. Like our son brought his iPod to school (my old iPhone without service) and the teacher took it and had us pick it up and he told the teacher “dont take his phone, it’s not yours to take. Ask him to put it away and if it’s really an issue you can call me or his mother and we’ll deal with it but don’t take my things from my son” and then they argued a bit and finally she agreed if it happened again she’ll call his parents.
Then recently he got in trouble in class for disrupting the class (he threw a paper ball at another kid and then got a detention) and we weren’t informed. So when my husband and I went to pick him up the teacher said we had to wait 20 minutes because he’s in detention and he said “uh, yeah know I’m just gonna pick him up now” and she said “you’re more than welcome to after his detention” and he said “who do you think you are telling me when and were I pick up my son?” And i apologized on his behalf and told him to knock it off and he said “no, do I tell you what to teach? No. So how about you be the teacher and I’ll be the parent. You can teach him math and English and I’ll discipline him.” And she said it’s school policy and he was in there with another kid so husband just walked into the classroom and said “hey buddy, let’s go” and son said “I can’t” and he said “you’re going to serve your detention at home” and we left and the teacher just smiled and was clearly pissed.
To be completely fair, he was in trouble at home. Husband told him he needs to show his teacher respect and we took away his iPod and Xbox for the evening, and then we had him apologize to her the next morning.
On top of that, he doesn’t set a great example. He acts like a kid. I thought it was cute and funny when we were 15 but now it’s worrisome because our kids are watching.
We were back to school shopping at the Nike store and there was a football and he looked at our son and said “hey buddy watch this” and threw it at a manican and the store worker said he had to go and he said “haha…yeah no I’m gonna stay” and I was so angry and embarrassed I just left and apologized to the worker.
Another time we were at lunch and there was a guy across the restaurant wearing a rather interesting outfit and he looked at our son and pointed to the guy and said “look at that dumbass over there. I bet he ordered a belt some gay ass shit like that” annd they both laughed and I said “seriously??” And he shrugged and said “he probably did” and when we got home I told him how completely inappropriate that was.
And then on Saturday morning our son was playing madden on his Xbox with someone online (a random match) and he was losing so husband took over and started winning and the guy threw an interception so husband said “nice throw, f_ggot” and then won the game and called the guy a loser.
Normally I wouldn’t care, because that’s kinda what you need to expect when playing a game online, but saying those things in front of our son really upset me and I told him again in private I’m NOT ok with that.
I’m glad our son looks up to dad that much, and aside from being a little immature he’s an amazing dad and husband, but this kind of stuff really upsets me.

I, US Citizen, filed I-130 for my parents and I-485 in July 2021 after turning 21. In the beginning, our cases were going as planned, however we never sent medical forms with I-485 (our lawyer advised us not to- we have now learned how detrimental that has been to our processing time and we are aware our lawyer gave us terrible advice). My parents checked case statuses using their receipt numbers on the main USCIS page and never made an account because we had always received all RFE and additional notices through the mail and didn’t think we needed one. Our I-130 got approved 2 years later on 08/2023 and after waiting a few months with no updates on I-485 (we were waiting for medical form RFE), I decided to seek congressional help in November of 2023. They told us on 11/17/2023 that there are no updates from USCIS and that they will let us know if they need anything. In January, we requested new work permits since my parents’ were set to expire and they were issued about 2 weeks later. I reached out again to congressman 02/2024 and they told me that USCIS is STILL processing our case and will let us know if they need anything.
I have the lawfully and case tracker apps that I check everyday but there were no new updates. So after doing some reddit reading, I decided to make an online USCIS account because it seemed advantageous. We waited 2 weeks for access codes to come in the mail. I created the account and saw a “DENIAL NOTICE” for both of my parents “due to abandonment” that was issued JANUARY 4, 2024. My stomach dropped. Apparently they had notified us in August of 2023 (the day after our I-130 was approved) to send medical forms by November 23, 2023. We had never received any of these documents through the mail (neither did our lawyer or congressman) and they did not show up on the lawfully/case tracker app. How could USCIS tell congressman 6 days before the medical forms were due that they do not need anything from us and then in February tell us they are still processing our case after it had apparently already been denied a month earlier?!?! And now it was TOO LATE TO APPEAL.
LUCKILY our congressman was able to provide proof of our inquiries and our lawyer met with someone at the USCIS Chicago field office (which we never received any mail from) and they reopened our case due to their errors. They sent us new RFE for medical forms which we have sent and we are now waiting to hear back.
All of our notices, including the I-130 approval, had been coming from the Nebraska field office. The documents that were on the portal but were never mailed had been from Chicago Field Office. They also made a mistake in their denial notice stating my parents needed to depart the US within 30 days of receiving the denial notice because they entered the US illegally, which was FALSE because they had come here legally. Needless to say, it was an emotional and stressful rollercoaster.

Hello! My sister in law is scheduled for a Csection soon for twin boys. We live far away from each other but wanted to help as best as we could from afar.
We are going to be paying for a few weeks of Hello Fresh once the babies are born to help alleviate stress over them having to meal plan. Is there anything else that would have been a huge help in the early stages of life with twins? If anything more could be done, obviously we aren't nearby so we can't help hands-on

As we head into summer, I’ve already started preparing to say goodbye to the two kids that won’t be coming to my center in the summer, and when summer ends they go to kindergarten! However, those kids aren’t leaving for a couple more weeks. On Friday, we did our Mother’s Day party and little did I know that would be the last time I saw one of the kids in my class. His parents sent an email over the weekend to management explaining that he would not be returning. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. It doesn’t sound like it’s my/the center’s fault. In fact, in the email they expressed a lot of gratitude towards us, I just wish I knew for sure that I couldn’t have done anything to avoid it. It’s got me down a bit, especially since my director didn’t even tell me until today when I asked if she knew why he’d been gone yesterday and today. This is the first time I’ve had a student leave as a lead teacher. Just kinda sad.

I plan on taking my parents to their first Purdue football game for Homecoming this year against Nebraska.
What would be the ideal location for them to have a great first experience?
My dad has some health issues so I want to keep that in mind. He doesn’t need accessible seating, however I don’t want him to have to walk all the way up to nose bleed seats. Would front row seats be worth it for the unique views and added leg room for my dad? Maybe near the new Tiler Tunnel? Or should we be further back in like rows 25-40 so we can have better views of the field.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Hello everyone. I hope it is alright that I post here as a parent. I often read and lurk here in an effort to try and learn more about my daughter and how she may be feeling, however I try not to post or comment to respect your space.
My daughter (6) is level 3. She is minimally verbal (kind of like the level of a young toddler, though making great progress every day), uses an AAC (mostly for requests), not potty trained at the moment. She’s a big sensory seeker (proprioceptive and vestibular), and can have some pretty explosive meltdowns when she’s not well regulated and/or upset and frustrated. She’s very silly and active and smart, loves to be outside and play with us and her grandparents and her dog and family friends. She’s the sweetest kid ever.
About 3-4 weeks ago, she refused a new diaper after being changed. This happens sometimes when she’s agitated so we didn’t force the issue and said no worries, just let us know when you’re ready. She continued to refuse her diaper for the remainder of the day, and has not worn once since. Problem being—she was/is not potty trained or really developmentally ready for it (I think her interception is not quite ready).
We offered her undies, have been having her sit on the potty a ton (which she has grown comfortable with since we bought her a special seat and let her watch the iPad while she’s on it). I also put some of her favorite sensory items in the bathroom too. She will go sometimes, but only pee and only like once a day.
Anyway—since that day, she refused diapers or underwear, any and all clothing (normally we don’t make her wear clothes at home, only outside of the house), or to even leave the house in the car. So we we’ve pretty much all been trapped inside, and unable to go anywhere, since she’s fully naked and mostly peeing/pooping around the house while we clean up after her and try to encourage her to use the potty as much as she reasonably can without making her anxious.
So she’s missed like 3 weeks of kindergarten (which she always seemed to love and enjoy and was doing really well), and speech therapy (which she also loved because they had a big play gym). Luckily her OT already came to the house so she still comes to play.
We’ve been working nonstop to try and make sure her sensory needs are being met. We made sure she wasn’t sick and didn’t have an infection. We tried other fits and brands of diapers, undies with her favorite colors and characters and different fabrics, and every form of bribery on the planet. She loves milkshakes, cake pops, the beach, target, visiting her grandparents, the trampoline park, aquarium, zoo, etc. And despite offering all of these things if she will leave the house in clothes, she will not budge.
The only thing that has helped so far is that I bought zip up dresses that are normally swim covers, and she is okay wearing those to play in the yard or go on walks (but still no diaper or undies). I think the clothes over her head and ankles were agitating her. I bought like 8 of these covers and keep one in the car, on hooks by the doors, etc so we are ready whenever she wants to go out.
We started seeing a pediatric psychiatrist on (he sees us on zoom since we can’t leave the house) who has been really helpful. I told him this seems like anxiety and autistic burnout (idk if that’s the right term?), and he agreed. We had been talking about medication anyway for aggression (she’s hurt me pretty bad a few times on accident when angry). He prescribed something to help with anxiety and meltdowns, and it seems to be helping. It’s only been a week, but she’s sleeping better at night and happy during the day. No meltdowns or tantrums, and doesn’t appear to have any bad side effects. But she still won’t get dressed to go in the car anywhere.
I feel so bad because she can’t explain why and despite trying every way I can think of, I can’t figure out what it is. We are trying to keep demands low at home and not force her. Everyone, including teachers and therapists, have all been really supportive and agree nobody should force her, and they all FaceTime her during the week to say hi and tell her they miss her.
Has anyone here experienced this? Or can you offer insight? I really want to help her. And I know it’s not about us (the parents), but I’m just so exhausted and stressed out and sad.

Background: I was pulled over in April for supposedly going 90mph at a 65. I pleaded not guilty and received a new letter in the mail from the Malta Town Court with a Pre Trial Conference date. It also noted that I should be receiving a proposed Trial Waiver and Plea Agreement from the Saratoga County District Attorney's office. If I accept the plea deal I need to sign and return it no later than my conference date. Does this mean this is the only plead deal I will get? Then what happens at the Pre-Trial conference?
I read some reddit threads kind of similar and saw a lot of people were able to get it reduced to no points and a fine after speaking with the DA/ADA.

• Should I hire a lawyer or will I hopefully be able to get the same result if I show up to court myself?
  
• Should I call the DA's office for any advice or clarity on the plea deal? I have not yet received anything in the mail.
  
• What should I expect when I show up to a Pre Trial Conference Date?
  

Any advice would be appreciated! I am 23/f and this is my first offense. Also an out of state driver, but willing to make the drive to court myself to talk to DA /judge in person.

I drove 16 miles to walk an adorable husky yesterday but when I arrived, the pet parent hadn’t put in a code to access the residence and doggy. I could see him through the glass and chatted with him. I messaged the pet parent but after 20 mins and no response went ahead and canceled the walk. I then wrote to Wag! To explain the situation as their app doesn’t cover the eventuality that a pet parent is just a complete flake. I’m out 32 miles of gas there and back but fortunately I do UberEats and DoorDash and get a job in the area so not a total loss.
Today I see a new doggy client for 4 days of walks. I click request and the app rudely inserts itself and tells me my cancellation rate is 4X the average and they are blocking me requesting new clients.
The reality is in two years I’ve legit cancelled a walk about twice. Every other time has been the pet parent moving it. Initially, if they couldn’t figure things out, I’d cancel for them, now (apart from yesterday) I force the pet parent to do the canceling.
I love the access to walking dogs the app gives me but I still hate the app and the way it treats walkers. Wag! Just wants its cut it seems.

Background: I was pulled over in April for supposedly going 90mph at a 65. I pleaded not guilty and received a new letter in the mail from the Malta Town Court with a Pre Trial Conference date. It also noted that I should be receiving a proposed Trial Waiver and Plea Agreement from the Saratoga County District Attorney's office. If I accept the plea deal I need to sign and return it no later than my conference date. Does this mean this is the only plead deal I will get? Then what happens at the Pre-Trial conference?
I read some reddit threads kind of similar and saw a lot of people were able to get it reduced to no points and a fine after speaking with the DA/ADA.

• Should I hire a lawyer or will I hopefully be able to get the same result if I show up to court myself?
  
• Should I call the DA's office for any advice or clarity on the plea deal? I have not yet received anything in the mail.
  
• What should I expect when I show up to a Pre Trial Conference Date?
  

Any advice would be appreciated! I am 23/f and this is my first offense. Also an out of state driver, but willing to make the drive to court myself to talk to DA /judge in person.

Sorry long one. I just need some perspective.
Hi. I am a sahm of 2 pregnant with 3rd baby. Living with husbands family who speak Spanish( I'm not fluent, and better at speaking than understanding Spanish), who love using Spanish as a way to exclude me from the conversation. Have a household of 10, sometimes 11 people. My husband and his mom were paying the bills, while his middle brother went to school(with the deal being if he goes into school from high school husband will support him until he graduated). His dad is retired. Even though younger brother wasn't going to school( which was said to mean he has to start paying bills), his younger brother( older than 20 yo) was allowed to bring in his girlfriend and not pay anything. Once the middle brother graduated school he started paying bills, while the younger brother and his now fiance got pregnant and he decided to quit his job without another job ready. The fiance and YB constantly complained about how much they were paying for groceries to the house, where everyone in the house was paying the same towards groceries every month. In secret his fiance has said they are thinking of moving in with a friend so they can have more space. I have had many conversations with her and she wants things, but is not willing to assist in getting those things( e.g she wants us to get new washer and drier, she expects us to move to a new house so they can have more space), but currently the YB can barely pay for mortgage and she doesn't want to work. So, most likely my husband will once again be stiluck with the brunt of paying for things while they skate through life getting to do everything without working for it. Come to find out the YB is also expecting help while bashing the people who are helping him.
Most of these side conversations are happening while my husband is at work, and so I feel this need to defend him. Once again these conversations are happening in Spanish, so I can understand maybe half of what they are saying and try responding in what Spanish I know.
Currently, we are dealing with a younger sibling who is constantly changing his job and also has a fiance and a baby. His mom enables him constantly, and he constantly exaggerates or lies as to what people say to make things seem like he is was never told something or he is always not at fault.
So when he once again changed what he wants to do with his life, my husband said he will still pay his portion of the mortgage. The younger brother uses everyone's car to go to school and work, sometimes making people late to work. My husband has offered to teach him his manual car until he gets a car. MIL expects everyone to help him out, saying " the manual is too hard of a car to drive". When he has been using everyone's cars for years and my husband's car has been available for practice all that time.
On the side he complains that my husband never has any time to teach him, but my husband works and said" if he wants to learn HE needs to be the one to pursue learning". It's convenient,IMO, that YB is using this excuse now that my husband is no longer enabling him. I also have a car that is automatic, that I need available for use for me and my kids, I don't feel I should make this car available for use when I bought the car from a job I had and responsibly finished school with the goal of having a car for being a sahm and not need to rely on other people. Currently the car situation is the YB uses the middle brothers car for school and work. And the MB uses his mom's car during the day and then he mom goes to work after he come home for her shift is in the evening.
This morning the conversation was talking with MIL about how the MB got a new job where he can no longer come home in time for his mom to get to work on time. So, instead of saying to the YB he can no longer use MB car, the MB asked if he could use my car. I'm ok with an emergency use of my car, but not as a permanent solution to someone elses irresponsibility. My husband told MB " you have a car, you can borrow it until next week. After that YB needs to find a solution. He has been offered using the manual, he's had plenty of time to learn the manual".As I was having this conversation with MIL, YB walked down the stairs to again complain about my husband not having time to teach him. Which lead to MIL it's too hard to learn. Which I responded for how long has he had to practice. And she said when some one needs help you give them help, going towards him using my car. I responded with, for their whole life? And she responded, no just until he is finished with school. Which I responded while MB was in school, he also had a job, and he bought his car. I said how is it fair for MB to buy a car for MIL to tell him to let YB use his car. I think the responsibility is the YB get the car, and for everyone else to stop enabling him. During this conversation I am getting upset with my heartrate and my face turning red. I didn't expect the MIL to take the stance of just enabling YB to get whatever he want and my husband should just be okay with always be willing to pay for YB if he needs it. I don't want to have it that my husband is being bashed, so I try to defend him. Part of me just wants to never talk to them, If I stay out of it and just leave it to my husband then I can be oblivious to their enabling. My heart just hurts for my husband to never be able to rest and enjoy things because he has been forced to take care of his relatives. He is heading towards a heart attack or stroke at this point and I think that's the only way he will ever get rest and for YB to take responsibility.
it's not my fault he waits until the last minute to say he has no time to practice. I am also angry my husband has been paying bills for the house since he was in highschool, yet MIL expects everyone to allow YB to do things that cause other people to pay for his responsibilities( constantly quiting jobs, adding mouths to the house hold, using his MB car without any compensation).
Whenever I try to talk to my family, they say we just need to move out. Which doesn't help, when my husband doesn't want to leave his family drowning in payments. when YB doesn't help enough to make him confident his parents won't lose the house, he said he will still help pay mortgage.
What should I do?

"hello, new visitor, if you're seeing this you're in the land of the vanished, if you're here it means that no one has thought about you for several months, fear not I wrote a book about my journey, in hopes that it'll help newcomers like you".
It was a tuesday, 6am, my brother Joe, jumped on a plane to Canada.
He was successful, or so I thought.
At the time I expected him to return home in 2-3 months, however this wasn't the case, after 4 months I finally called the cops to report a missing person.
Eventually five months passed and I decided to go searching for him.
After another month I got on a plane to Canada.
"What if he was kidnapped and then brutally mutilated," I thought as my heart raced.
Joe gave me the hotel he was at before he left, this gave me a few clues but it wasn't much, when I arrived I asked the manager if he saw Joe leave the hotel or if he knew about Joe's whereabouts.
"I never saw Joe leave, his room is still empty so you can check it out," the manager said. "What room" I responded. "Room 303, I'll escort you there" the manager said.
The bright lights reflected the hall floors. "Why would this man be following me into Joe's room, what if he killed Joe, what if I'm next" I thought as I began imagining my corpse in a dumpster next to a Denny's somewhere.
After a few minutes of going upstairs I remembered my 5th birthday, that day I learned that all my friends were fake, not a single one came to my birthday, neither did my parents, In fact they didn't even set up the party, Joe set up the entire party, helped me set up invitations for my friends, and was the only person who even bothered to be there.
"Can't believe I forgot about Joe for those five months," I thought as we finally arrived at room 303.
"Ladies first," the manager said.
I became paranoid as I entered the room with the manager behind me.
*Slam.
The door was slammed closed as I investigated the room, not thinking much about it I continued investigating, first I checked the bedroom, I found Joe's phone randomly on the floor.
Then I heard the sound of someone locking. The manager lunged at me with a knife. Adrenaline rushed through my blood stream as I dodged the knife, dashed into the kitchen, and grabbed a knife. The manager suddenly became scared, or at least he looked scared since I also had a knife.
I was able to unlock the door while simultaneously watching him for any sudden movements, my back leaned on the door as I unlocked the door without looking, I'm very lucky the lock didn't require a key from the inside.
I swiftly opened the door and ran downstairs, the manager followed, my legs began shaking uncontrollably. The adrenaline had officially ran out, the manager continued the chase.
"There's cameras up here!!," this one sentence alone made the manager stop what he was doing, go on the floor and start crying knowing he would be exposed for his attempt at killing.
I became very confused, "why was he crying" I wondered. I then realized this was my chance to escape, I escaped that horrid hotel.
"Turn on you stupid thing!!" I yelled at the phone as it refused to turn on due to its lack of battery. I decided to find a hotel where I could charge my phone and rest for a bit.
I couldn't go to this one since the manager almost killed me, luckily for me a hotel wasn't too far away from the other one, a common trend done by many hotel companies.
I rented a room for $70 a day, I had $100 left.
"Did the manager kill Joe, he might've been trying to kill me in order to ensure no one finds his remains," this thought alone had me up the entire night.
I continued my investigation believing there's still a chance that he's alive, I checked Joe's phone in hopes of finding his whereabouts.
I found a few messages on his phone, except a cut off message on bumble. He was messaging a woman named Katelyn. "Maybe he was living with that woman's home" I thought.
After reading enough of the messages I was able to find the woman's address.
On my way there I felt a bit light headed, I clasped onto the ground, all thoughts vanished as I began to fade away.
I woke up with my shirt soaked in water, same with my pants. My feet felt the wet carpet touch my feet as the coldness sunk in.
I was surrounded by darkness, I ventured this darkness in fear, what if I wasn't alone, what if I just feared the dark.
I would soon realize that both of these were true.
My eyes saw a light illuminating in the distance, I dashed towards the light, feeling warmth for the first time being in this place, it felt amazing until I encountered another human being.
"Judging from your number, you must be a newcomer," the man said.
"Follow me" the man added. He refused to elaborate further, I didn't know anything about this place so I reluctantly followed him.
The man gave off a very creepy vibe, he wore a black coat with a yellow stripe on his left sleeve, his sleeve had a hole revealing his or a number, 64 was his number.
"What's your name," I said attempting to strike some conversation, instead of keeping the strange atmosphere. He continued walking without a sound to be heard from him.
A flashback struck me reminding me of the very possible chance that this nameless man could try and kill me.
"It's not like you have a choice" my brain told me as I continued to follow him.
A sudden bright light from the sky hit me. I noticed a village in the direction we were headed.

Title says it all.
I'll be starting this July as the new APUSH / AP Gov teacher at my local highschool. I've mostly worked in retail management prior. So, as a brand new teacher, what's some things I should be on the lookout for? Any good advice on how to start the year on the right foot?
Anything at all will be appreciated!

I (23F) had quite a hard and uncomfortable chat with both parents yesterday. My mother is the main narcissistic culprit which unfortunately has rubbed off on my step dad. I am starting a new job soon that is paying very well. Like, VERY well! It’s the first time I’m coming into money that I can start to plan things for myself and my future I am very excited about this. I have no debts, student loans, etc. like that so I am only planning to spend for me, myself, and I. This rubbed my parents the wrong way. They are under the belief that I should put this money back into the family either helping my parents to buy a house or to pay off my mother’s debt. I said I’d contribute a little as I do owe some money back to my mother but once that’s paid off - I’m out. I expressed my interest in traveling and I was told I’d regret doing that and rather I should help them instead cause it would “benefit the both of us in the long run”.
Truth is I have absolutely no desire to help my parents with their debts. I can recognize they made very bad financial decisions in the past but somehow this has become my responsibility as well because I’m a part of the family? In what world does this make sense!! Any reassurance would be appreciated because once I book my flights tickets, all hell is going to break lose.

The only reason I am leaving my husband is because I refuse to raise my daughter around the kind of fighting and environment my husband and I have created. I'd rather her see two people who love her enough to co-parent, instead of see me be called names, both of us lashing out, and me be a doormat. The problem is I am so madly and deeply in love with my husband. We've been trying to make it work for months, and it just isn't working. The first two times he yelled at me, I was recovering from a 28 hour labor and delivery that left me partially paralyzed. It literally fell apart within hours of our daughter being born. If it was just the two of us, I would stay in a heartbeat and work on it forever. This man is my whole world, and I genuinely love him more than I love myself. The only thing I love more is our daughter. He's already talked about moving on, dating, new wife and kids, etc.. That tore me to shreds because I haven't even considered moving on to somebody else. How do I continue with this, knowing it's not what I want? I throw up every time I think about my life without him in it as my husband. I am hanging on by a thread and the only thing keeping me going is my daughter. How do I cope with this?

I have a child named G- 3 years old. The mother is a pediatrician and she has an older sister M who had a medical sleep disorder that meant she needed less sleep and skipped nap and developed fine. I guess as an infant (under 1 years old) the mother decided that G also had this condition and made the school cut down her naps. Legally we had to let her sleep at least 30 minutes but the parents threw massive fits because of “disorder.” This child G- since 2 years old has fallen asleep standing up constantly, is linguistically, comprehensively, and physically behind all her peers. She has bad repetition issue to the point she will go on for five plus minutes just repeating and staring blankly. It takes her forever to understand a command- sometimes over two minutes before she reacts. Finally the main teacher in the 3 year old asked for documentation of her condition- her mother said “well I’m a pediatrician I am her doctor,” to which the teacher replied with saying she’s legally allowed to have someone come in and evaluate G for a second opinion. Basically the mother fumbled about and agreed to let her sleep for an hour before waking her. This child can barely move to get to the cot- falling asleep sitting up- and when I have to wake her she can barely walk and sits there for over 30 minutes in and out of consciousness. I’m only a float teacher but I’ve been worried to the point of crying- I don’t know what to do but I believe her developmental delays were created by her mother refusing her sleep.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

today has just been such a bad day. 1st: I get a phone call from the principal at my kids school… he’s been “distributing pictures of other students”, got into a fight and got back into contact with someone I blocked from his phone. we got him a phone for his birthday - against my better judgement - and here’s the proof I was right. every rule I’ve given, he’s broken. I feel like such a failure as a mother, how did I fail this kid so bad? what am I doing that so similar to my parents or his dads parents that is causing him to act out the same way we did? I try to enforce rules, boundaries, respect… I tried to be harsh, be loving, understanding, soft, hard and everything in between and it doesn’t seem like anything I do is enough. I resent him sometimes and that scares the hell outta me. that’s my baby boy - he was my first real love, my best friend. he is part of me, it’s so painful to have this happen. I’m at such a loss.
2nd: I got another rejection letter for my poetry. I know that it’s only been 2x that I’ve submitted these and quite frankly, they might not suck but they’re not spectacular either. I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting a final placing - but it still hurts to get that rejection. I feel like this is just a bad omen for my interview tomorrow - that it’s all gonna fall apart on me and I’ll be stuck again. the last week or so, I had some semblance of hope - some form of optimism. I need to stop letting my bad thoughts overpower things but I’m so terrified this rug is gonna get yanked out from under me, like it always does.
I really am trying to do better things, be more positive, worry less and blah blah blah. but idk. nothing feels like it’s going anywhere. I can’t even seem to assess my fucking feelings anymore. idk if these meds are helping in anyway at all.
total side note - I watched the Hotel Cecil doc on Netflix. it was a little overdone imo, but pretty good. would do a 7/10.

I recently got off waitlist from WashU. So my family is debating whether to go to UT Austin or WashU to go to. I prefer WashU while my parents prefer UT Austin. For me I like WashU because I can easily transfer to Engineering. I applied everywhere as astronomy, but I completely lost imterest to it and got into ME. so how easy it is to transfer to Engineering is a big factor for me. I also love its prestige(yes im a prestige whore). My parents prefer UT AUstin because it is cheaper and has good STEM programs. they believe I can transfer to engineering here too, but the problem is I cant. the transfer to engineering is extremely competitive. I am embarrassed to admit, but I had lots of tutors for most of my school subjects, and I know very well that I won't be able to get good marks at such new enviornment, all alone. I will also be depressed the entire school years studying the subject that I have no interest in. another reason I do not want to go UT Austin is because of its weather. I just can't stand hot weathers and I despise it. additionally, my parents might move to texas with me next year, but I absolutely do not want that. it is going to be so long if I explain why but simply my parents are overly controlling and abusive. I can't stand to live with them anymore. however, I will feel a bit bad if I do end up going to WashU, not because of my parents but becuz of my younger brother(we have great bond). anyways, what should I do? I can't apply aid to WashU too since I am international. I asked but they said no.

I'm (23F) primarily coming here because I feel like I don't know who I can talk to about this and just need to get some things out. My sister (21F) is graduating from college this spring and has been looking for a job for the past few months. This morning, she found out she got a job in a different state (will become relevant) and my mom (54F) and I were so happy and relieved that she finally got her first job. My dad (51M) on the other hand was pretty furious because it meant that she was moving to a different state and the car he was going to give her no longer would be needed.
For some context, my parents got divorced when my sister and I were pretty young and things haven't really ever been smooth between them. My dad lives in the South, my sister is graduating from a school in the Northeast and going to work elsewhere in the Northeast, and my mom and I live on the West Coast (as we have for all of my life). My mom raised my sister and I and put us through the best private school she could and made sure we were always her first priority (she's the best).
My dad has always been a pretty controlling person, but I've come to a point where I've learned to manage his involvement in my life and have learned how to placate him to a certain degree. Mine and his relationship has gotten a little easier over the past few years for a few reasons but his relationship with my sister has gotten worse. He sees her as not very communicative and not very willing to "meet him halfway" but from her point of view, he's never understood her or taken the time to try to see who she is and what's important to her.
Cut to recently, I graduated from college last year and my graduation gift from him was money (within a certain limit) for a car. He helped me buy the car I chose and had said that the same would be given to my sister the following year (this year) when she graduated. As great as getting money for a car and having help with buying it is, it came with a lot of strings and was not something my sister or I directly asked for. That's not to say we're not grateful for the cars, but he was the one who offered; it wasn't as though we twisted his arm to get him to buy us a car or something.
Now, instead of buying my sister a separate car, he decided he was going to give her his current car so he could buy a different one that better suited his needs. My sister liked the car that he was going to give her, but last year I had been able to research what kind of car would best suit my needs and pick out the car I would end up getting. She was fine with not being able to have the same free reign I did, but perhaps wasn't very communicative with him because she's been trying to complete all of her finals and final assignments as well as try as much as possible to enjoy her last semester of undergrad.
My sister got a few final interviews for a job opportunity in a place where she wouldn't need a car, and she got an offer letter this morning for the job. Instead of congratulating her, my dad said she was "not an adult" and that she needed to "learn to think for herself" instead of deferring to my mom. He said he was "sad and let down" and was upset at how poor the communication between him and my sister was about the car.
More things he said: "I don't deserve this poor communication" "You don't respond to me. Respond to all kinds of social media meanwhile all day" "You only respond at times that work for you. It comes across as selfish/childish". He then sent my mom this nightmare: "It's a fitting end to our coparenting. You've been controlling and a nightmare the entire time. You were never grateful I permitted you to move to SoCal. I didn't want the girls to grow up with a functionally depressed mom in the Bay Area. As always, it's always about you and the girls and you don't ever give a f*ck about their dad. So selfish. Such a bad mom. [my name] gets it. [my sister's name] will in time. I'm honestly ashamed I let you into my life and regret it still to this day. White-trasy, lying, selfish, vain. I told [my name] how your behavior was to break every rule as a co-parent. She understood. I didn't attack you. I did attack the sh*t behavior. Hopefully someday I'll have that chat with [my sister's name] when she gets her head out of her a*s."
Just typing the text makes my blood boil. I don't know what to do. I'm planning to bring this to my therapist in a few days but am not sure what to do until then. I think this could sever my sister's relationship with my dad, and I'm not sure I want to continue mine with him anyway. I'm also pretty uncomfortable with him thinking I'm on his side, but I don't want to meddle further if it's going to make it worse for my mom and sister. There's a lot more context and information I could probably give but for the sake of not writing a novel about the situation, I'll end here.
TLDR: My sister got a job in a big city where cars aren't needed and my dad is upset that he has to sell the car and decided he was going to cuss her and my mom out instead of congratulate her.