Part 1: The Coughing Fit
You are seated in some kind of hall. It’s open air, so you can see the stars. A bunch of strange characters are seated around you. You see a dragon girl huffing in annoyance, “This is crazy! I mean, I know he wrote me in a script and all but why do I have to be here?”
“Hey, maybe this won’t be so bad!” A girl with cat ears and a swishing tail responds cheerfully. “I was bored anyway and I hear they’ll be giving out cookies later!”
“Sssh, you guys!” A beautiful woman responds. Well, she seems pretty normal, you think. Then you notice the fish tail. It’s a freaking mermaid. “Look”, she says, “I think they’re starting!”
You look at the stage. Two guys are indeed standing up there. One of them is wearing a really cool-looking suit and has a stylized, ornate insignia emblazoned on it. “Audio Artist”, it reads. He’s one of them! He’s one of ‘em VAs! He’s really suave but he appears mildly peeved. “You couldn’t make a simple ‘thank you’ post, could you? No, you just HAD to weird everyone out with your shenanigans!”
“This was the only way.” The other guy finally speaks up. “We doing this for Nanami.”
“Fuck you! Nanami dead! Have you not been keeping up with the show?!”
“Well, if he were here, I don’t think he’d object.”
“Why are we even talking about this?”
“I don’t know. Anyway, I gotta go out there. Give Stephanie my love.”
“I can’t even give her mine- she’s taken- how the hell am I supposed to give her yours?”
“You’ve been crushing on her for way too long, man. You need to move on.”
“Yeah, why don’t you write a script about it?”
“I just might! Anyway...”
The guy walks up to the mic. He looks about twenty- or something, you really can’t tell from this distance- and clears his throat. Only to begin coughing immediately. “Damn”, he wheezes, “why did I think this would be a good idea?”
Hey, everyone! I realized I’ve been here for almost half a year now. Just wanted to sincerely thank you for filling, reading and/or commenting on my scripts! It really is a strange feeling to hear someone recording something you’ve written. It’s not like I have a whole lot of fills, and I don’t keep a count (why actively flirt with Depression when she’s yandere for you anyway?) but I’ve received more than I could’ve imagined when I started writing. I read every comment and I listen to every fill, and I truly appreciate them all. Thank you so much :-)

PART 2: The Cookie Quest
Damn, that speech dragged.
You’re walking around outside the hall, wondering when you’ll wake up from this stupid dream. Suddenly, a pale woman who’s creating and destroying little ice-shards above her palm (for fun) approaches you. “Hey there!”
You ask her what script she’s supposed to be from. “That’s not important! If you know, you know. Anyway, I was going to say…they’re serving cookies over there! Loads of them!”
You look at where she’s pointing. It’s some kind of banquet hall. For cookies. There’s a lot you want to say but for now, some cookies would be great actually. You thank her and dash over to the banquet hall. Before you can look for cookies, the guy who gave that speech earlier blocks your path. “Hey there! So I feel like I should tell you a bit about myself.”
You really don’t have to, I just came here for-
“Yes, I know right?! So, I’ve been listening to ASMR on and off for a few years. I think of it as a really immersive 2^nd person form of storytelling. Listening to audios is fun, and so is writing scripts! If you’re a listener and ever want ASMR recommendations, at least for F4A/F4M, then definitely hit me up!”
You wouldn’t, perchance, happen to know where the cookies are, would you?
“Oh, and I’m taking prompts now! No commissions, because I don't deserve your money! If you have an idea you’d like me to write a script on, feel free to DM me. The prompt can be as brief or as detailed as you like, and I’ll do my best to tailor it accordingly. But I feel like I should give you a few samples of my stuff, in case you’re curious.”
So….about the cookies….
“Ah yes, here’s Sample1!
Not expecting this bit of shameless self-promotion, you try to steer the conversation towards more important topics.
So, what flavours do you have? Chocolate, coconut, almond, butterscotch- any of them….?
“Indeed I do! I’ve written quite a few scripts so far, and I’ve tried to explore different themes. This is sample2!
There never were any cookies, were there?
“Cookies? Like, internet cookies and stuff? Yeah, I’m not sure about reddit’s cookie policy. What I AM sure about though, is that I got the right hyperlink. Here’s sample3!
He seems a little confused by your expression. There better be an apology coming up….
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I forgot to mention that I have more scripts in a pinned post on my profile. It’s not fully updated, but if you ever want to take a look, well, you’re more than welcome! Okay then, see you later!”
But I just came here for the cookies…

PART 3: The Needlessly Dramatic
You’re at a deserted beach. There’s nobody around for miles, except for that suave audio artist from earlier, and that idiot who never pointed you towards the exact location of the cookies. You did eventually find them, but you wouldn’t go to that much trouble for any baked goods again. Anyway, the two of them are busy staring off into the distance, at the endless expanse of blue ocean, like they’re posing for the cover of some chill indie rock album.
You look at the ocean too, but then it clicks. There are mermaids playing water polo out there. They giggle every so often and swim close to the shore to wave and wink at the onlookers. The audio artist guy waves back. “I will admit, it’s not so bad hanging out in the world inside your head from time to time, Rain. Stuff is weird in here, but I’m not complaining. How’d you even come up with mermaid water polo?”
“I didn’t. Read a sentence in an Old Spice advert once.”
“Ah, the art of casually ripping off! Classic Rains!”
“What is wrong with you?! I just like coming to this beach to chill and do nothing for a while, you know? Helps me come up with script ideas sometimes.”
“Like what? ‘Professional water polo mermaid sees you at her game and turns yandere for you?’ “
“That was not what I was talking about, no, but thank you. I’ll note that one down.”
You hear seagulls and sea-waves. And the ever-present laughter of mermaids in the distance. Is water polo really that enjoyable?
“I feel like there’s something I should have done a long time ago.”
“Written a sequel to your vampire script?”
“….No. You know what? It’d be easier to just show you.” The guy stands up and dusts off all the sand clinging to his clothes. It doesn’t really help, but…
“What are you doing?”
“By the power vested in me by free will and pure whimsy, and the powerful and potent miracle of basic subreddit features- ya, by the power of mouse and monitor and a working hand, eyes, brain-“
“Last one’s debatable.”
“-nose, ears, and all the mortal lineaments that do make up the human constitution, I hereby- with the mermaids playing polo over yonder as my witness- give unto myself…”
The other guy raises an eyebrow. You watch the scene unfolding with sheer incredulity. Yes?
“….the user flair of writer.”
“Bro, what the fu-“
“Purely for convenience, of course. I don’t want to get mistaken for a VA. Again.”

Hello and welcome to a very special installment of The Great Spice Off! What is The Great Spice Off?
I love the scent of Old Spice, so much so that it's the only aftershave I use as I don't really feel a need to splash anything else on. But, as we all know, Old Spice no longer makes shaving soap. They do still make a cream but that's hardly a great soap and it doesn't actually smell like Old Spice. As such my plan is to test out all the Old Spice options that are out there on as many bases as possible both to try out a variety of bases from different soapmakers and to report back to you on who really nails the scent.
I'll be shaving three times with each soap, using a variety of brushes and razors, and blades. Yes, I know that means it won't be exactly scientific but this is going to take a while and I want to use all my other shit too. Soaps will be rated on a few factors and given points from 1-5 for each.

• Oldness: How much does the soap smell like OG Old Spice. This is the more analytical scent analysis and I'm comparing to an OG Old Spice aftershave I have and the Shulton aftershave from India.
• Spiciness: This is the je ne sais quois of Old Spice. Does the soap make me feel the nostalgia, warmth, and whatever it is about the scent that works. Is there something special about it that makes it stand out? Does it invoke a memory or make a new one? The most subjective of this list.
• Lather: You know, can I make a shave soap out of it.
• Shave: How's it work on the ol' face while shaving.
• Post: How's the scent profile after the event. How does my face feel.

Crowne & Crane The Spice

And so we enter (for now) into a strange little corner of Old Spice dupery that I honestly wouldn't have even entered if I had read the description of The Spice before ordering it long ago. Also, if Crowne & Crane hadn't named the soap something pretty inaccurate. Also, also, if I hadn't accidentally picked up a second dupe of the scent recently. Yes, The Spice is not an Old Spice dupe but an Old Spice Limited Edition (LE) dupe.
Record Scratch. Double Take. Wuuuuuuuh!???
So you're asking yourself what the heck is an Old Spice LE. Well, despite what most think, Old Spice has had many scents over the years and almost none of them are riffs or new twists on their original Old Spice scent. Old Spice, the company/brand, made a plethora of scents throughout the history of producing Old Spice that, while all fell in the kind of old fashioned scenting category, had nothing to do with what we think of as Old Spice. Old Spice LE was one of these scents. From the dating I can find online, it was released sometime in the early 90s and stuck around for a chunk of that decade and possibly into the 2000s. It's also possible it was a scent released every couple of years as I can see a few different bottle versions. I don't actually know that much about it, have never smelled the original myself, and the Internet is not actually full of Old Spice product history let alone a defunct aftershave from the early 90s.
Whatever the history, what appears to be consistent is that it came in a clear bottle and was called Limited Edition. It also featured a base of amber, cedar, and woods with supporting notes of cardamom, lavender, moss, and jasmine, and citrus top notes. As you can see, aside from the citrus, it doesn't have all the much in common with Old Spice but that hasn't stopped a fragrance seller from selling a dupe of the discontinued scent for those who may still be looking for it. And so, there are soapers out there who pick this scent up for whatever reason instead of actual Old Spice. Actually, there are only two and Crowne & Crane are the only ones I can find doing it intentionally (more on that in a future review). They're also naming it The Spice, which is a little misleading considering the only spice scent in it is cardamon and given the lavender, citrus, and moss present its clearly intended to be somewhat of a fougère. The Spice, I think we can all agree, is not the name anyone would give a fougère.
So why then am I even reviewing it? That is like asking why do people climb Everest? Why do athletes push their body to the extremes? Why does the woodchuck chuck wood? If these questions could be answered then perhaps I could answer why I am reviewing this. But they can't be.
Crowne & Crane was founded in 2016 by Karl and Liz, whose last names I can't find so we'll call them Karl Crowne and Liz Crane. Karl was an enthusiast it looks like before going into the ol' soapmaking business and, being founded pre-2020, is officially an ol' timer in the artisan soap industry. Despite that longevity they aren't really all that popular around these parts with u/PhilosphicalZombie and u/loudmusicboy literally being the only two folks who appear to use them regularly if at all. I'd say that's maybe because they're not just a shave soap company but Stirling isn't either so that logic kind of flies out the window. Then again, we're a bunch of grown men and women telling other people how we removed hair from our bodies on a daily basis. Logic means nothing here.
Crowne & Crane have two bases, vegan and tallow. Most of their soaps are in tallow only and that's what The Spice comes in so that's what we're working with here. Of note is a commitment to organic, humanely-raised cows for the beef tallow, which is always a plus in my book (and sustainably sourced palm oil). The soap itself is kind of dry and chalky, not in a bad way and it wasn't hard or falling apart. It's a soft, dry soap, which are not contradictory things. The base is made up of Potassium Tallowate, Sodium Tallowate, Potassium Stearate, Sodium Stearate, Aloe Vera Juice, Potassium Cocoate, Sodium Cocoate, Phthalate-Free Fragrance, Potassium Shea Butterate, Sodium Shea Butterate, Kokum Butter, Sodium Lactate, Glycerin, Lanolin, Tussah Silk. Nothing to much to comment on here except I can't stop saying the word tussah over and over in my head. It's a weird word and now it doesn't feel real I've said it so much. Tu... ssah. Tooo suuuhhh...
The labeling is a nice vintage boat symbol, which, again, is a bit misleading given the LE branding was very much a modern (for the 90s) Old Spice look, not the classic schooner branding of the OG Old Spice. If you weren't paying attention (*cough* me *cough*) you might just order this thinking you got an Old Spice dupe and open the lid to find you most assuredly did not. Well, open the lid is a bad description as I bought their 3 oz puck option instead of the 5 oz jar and it came wrapped in paper. 3 oz, by the way, is a great mid-price option that gives you more than a tiny sample but not a full plastic tub. I'd be perfectly happy to have other shaving companies offer this... please... please... there's so much soap under my sink. So... much... soap.
(Sidenote: if you are looking to get their soaps, do it quick as they're going on hiatus during a move in two days!)
Oldness: 0
As a scent not designed to smell like Old Spice this one knocks it out of the park. In fact, it does such a great job not smelling like Old Spice I'd put it up there with some of the greatest scents that don't smell like Old Spice ever made. Have a scent that doesnt's smell like Old Spice that you love? This one smells as much not like Old Spice as that one does! If you're looking for something that doesn't smell like Old Spice but has the word Spice featured in its name and the words "Old" and "Spice" in the description next to each other than this is the soap for you.
Spiciness: 3
This is actually a pretty solid scent even if its called The Spice but isn't really a spicy scent at all. It's definitely a vintage scent, though, and reminds me a bit of Seaforth! Spiced but not as good. Because of that I'm going to say that it still captures a bit of that classic feel that Old Spice gives you even if its a scent from the 90s, a decade that has yet to fall into the "classic" zone and thus still feels like everything from it was cringe (including teenage me).
Lather: 5
What an absolutely brilliant lather The Spice kicks up. From the moment water hits it turning it into a thick prot-lather to the gloriously shiny conclusion, it's just a pleasure to lather. The soap is super thirsty, which can often lead to some dialing issues but I never had those aside from having to add a lot of water to both my larger scoop shave and my medium scoop. You don't need a lot of soap to get this going big and it's really easy to get there and looks great the entire time. If you were going to make an ad about shave soap -- as we all dream to do -- and needed a pretty lather to build up this would be a great choice.
Shave: 3
The Spice offers an incredible cushion of soap that can tackle even the most aggressive razor, making it feel barely there on your skin. However, it is, at best, mid-tier on its slickness with limited residual slickness too. As I reduced the amount of soap I used on each shave I figured I'd eventually hit a lather that was both full of cushion and slickness, but even on my final shave with the least amount of lather I wasn't too impressed with the glide provided. There's slickness there, it's not like dragging some sort of pillowy sandpaper over your face or anything but despite the copious amounts of water I added it never truly peaked.
Post: 2
The Spice's Old Spice LE scent isn't exactly complimentary with either my Indian Old Spice for the vintage one. It's not an afront to the nostrils or anything (sometimes I picture what nostrils being afronted would look like and it weird me out) but it ain't great. It probably plays a bit better with the more floraly vintage spice if I was forced to choose one by some deranged wet shaving person forcing people to shave with stuff. The soap also left my skin feeling a little sticky for some reason, like there was a layer of it still on there. That dissipated quickly but it was an odd sensation.
Final Verdict: 13
Crowne & Crane might be one of my favorite soaps to lather as it's easy to do, looks fantastic, lathers big, and just drinks up the water. It's just kind of fun working it into a lather and for someone who appreciates the process of wetshaving that's a big deal. The shave doesn't quiet live up to the lather, though, despite some really great cushion. Where it really disappoints is the post shave where it not only still doesn't smell like Old Spice (even if it was never trying to) but also left my face feeling a little icky. No one likes an icky face, just ask .
Previous Great Spice Offs:

1. 1940s Old Spice Shaving Soap in Vintage Mug (9)
2. 1973-91 Old Spice Shaving Soap (7)
3. Old Spice Shaving Cream (Original) (12)
4. Master Soap Creations Vintage Spice (19)
5. Black Ship Grooming Classic (17)
6. OSP Old Gold (19)
7. Chiseled Face Groomatorium Trade Winds (17)
8. Wholly Kaw Twice as Spice (17)
9. Barrister and Mann Barrister's Reserve Spice (21)
10. Mama Bear Aged Spice (10)
11. MERShaving Old Timer Spice (20)
12. Soap Commander Endurance (20)
13. Signature Soaps Novus Spice (17)
14. Hoffman's Shave and Soap Company Burn the Ships (19)
15. Phoenix Artisan Accoutrements Cold Spice (15)
16. Hendrix Classics & Co Commodore (20)
17. Ginger's Garden Old Spice Type (15)
18. Lisa's Natural Herbal Creations Mariner (10)
19. Stone Field Shaving Company Ltd. No. 37 (18)
20. Cooper & French Old Goat (19)
21. The Holy Black Artisan Line Shaving Soap (21)
22. Stirling Soap Co. Stirling Spice (20)
23. Van Yulay Spicy Man (10)
24. Pinnacle Grooming The Good Ship OS (15)
25. Mystic Water Soap Windjammer (14)
26. The Village Soap Smith Old Spice (Type) (14)
27. Cloud Shave "Unscented" (13)
28. Wet the Face Spices From the Sea (17)
29. Artifact Soapworks Old Spice (Type) (15)
30. DentonMajik Ole Fife (21)
31. Phoenix Artisan Accouterments Oud Spice (17)
32. Lativ Natural Skin Revival Shaving Soap Old Spice (8)

Special Editions

• Summer Break Soaps Remote Learning
• Spearhead Shaving Company Seaforth! Spiced
• Eleven Shaving Unscented/Hendrix Classics & Co Commander

I'm also looking for the below soaps if you've got any you're willing to sell/trade/donate:

• Wild West Shaving Co. Snake Oil
• Wickam Spice Trade
• Occult Grooming Essentials Modern Spice
• Fougare Salem

I already have these soaps that I have not reviewed yet:

• Bundubeard Reijger
• Bundubeard Drommedaris
• Bundubeard De Goede hoop
• Areffa Soap The Sea Son

Reposting without all the abusive language. Hopefully won't get removed now.
Okay, hi. This post will be a mix of a rant and a piece of advice for the upcoming candidates who wanna take the CAT exam and pursue their MBA.
Before I do begin, let me try to portray a picture of myself while being as anonymous as possible (to try and establish some sort of credibility)
I'm a GEM Fresher with a 90/91.2/79.30 profile, with 98.74%ile (99.43/93.39/99.46) in CAT 2023. I study EE at a reputed engineering college and I secured 97.84%ile in JEE 2020. I've also gotten placed at one of the Big 4. I think this is enough to let everyone know about my profile.
Aight, now to begin -

1. Personal rant - I'm actually kinda shocked I wasn't able to convert a SINGLE CAP IIM. Not even one. 0/10. In fact, 0/21 IIMs. 0 (Z E R O). I know many GEM Freshers with higher percentiles who didn't convert either but let's face it. This selection process isn't dependent ONLY on your percentiles, dudes. It's mainly dependent on your interview, your work ex, your gender, your academic background. Why do I rant and then follow up with defending this? It's because most posts I see over here are only related to percentiles.

YOUR SELECTION ISN'T DEPENDENT ONLY ON YOUR PERCENTILE - get this clear. You might have 99.5%ile but in reality, there's approx 1400 above you (not saying that's bad by any means, I've had a lesser percentile with 3.6k people above me), you might have had a bad interview oand your past acads might not have been great. Your percentile isn't everything. "99.5" looks good on paper but it could be pretty different behind the scenes.
Now that I've got the logical part of the way, lemme get to the ranting about my situation. At the risk of sounding like an a-hole, I believe I have a fairly decent academic background. I would also like to believe I have a good track record of converting interviews too (I converted IMT-G and XIMB, I also got through 3 rounds of interviews for the Big 4 company and got an offer and I've also had really good mock interviews at a coaching center). Here's my CAP Interview for the ones wondering (you can read my other interviews in my profile). Most mentors I talked to, said this should ideally be getting me above 80% in the interview. But oh well, looks like I secured a 28.xx/50 which clearly messed up my chances to get any IIM. I genuinely do think I pose to be a good candidate. There's me but... let's not forget there are MANY MANY people who have a better track record than me and are in the same situation are out there too. Better profiles, better interviews, but still no luck.

1. What is up with being all out against GEMs? Many many many top managers and CXOs are engineers. Non-engineers deserve a chance too but some colleges simply over-do it. If you've done your UG from a very low-tier private uni, you might be at an equal footing with a CS grad from IIT-B? I'm sorry but how does that make any sense? An individual who got 9.1 CGPA from a low tier private engineering college now has more credibility on paper than someone who got a 7.8 from BITS Pilani? Like how does that make ANY sense?
   
2. I genuinely do understand the entire "We don't want freshers" thing. MBA is a professional degree, you'd want professional candidates. Most MBA colleges abroad prefer candidates with work experience and... for that VERY REASON, they don't ALLOW freshers to apply to begin with. If you're going to allow a fresher to apply, you might as well give them a chance.
   

To be noted - I'm more than willing to be corrected here because my sample size might not be big enough. It just seems like the number of freshers which seem to have converted any college is much lower than the other years.

1. This might be soothing to a lot of you, including myself - Not getting an IIM isn't the end of the world. There are tons of great colleges out there as well. I've talked to a couple of people in the industry, and honestly it seems like you're better off being in a top non-IIM than being in an objectively low tier IIM. Tag isn't everything. The job market is pretty messed up and with AI coming to play at a rapid pace, you're better off going to a college with a large alumni network which is bound to do some favour to your placements.
   
2. Lastly, a piece of advice for upcoming and fellow aspirants - No percentile is safe. No rank is safe. You mess up at one part, you mess up your entire journey. CAT is uncertain. I'll list out a couple of uncertainties and my learnings to paint a full picture for the ones who might be a bit blindsided by all the Quora interviews and success stories -
   

• You get an interview call, you sit for it. You think you smashed it but the reality is, you have no idea how the panelists interpreted it. It might be completely different from how you think it went and similarly, it could be same too.
• Different IIMs change their criteria from time to time. You don't know which IIM will suddenly increase their weightage to some part of a profile. Previous year Composite Scores don't mean much. They can give a half-baked idea but please, stop taking it seriously. IIM Buddy and Azucation have done a good job at calculating and stuff but no one - ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, including the IIMs - know what's happening the next year.
• I personally think the number of CAT takers will increase this year. Literally EVERYONE I know in my friend circle is planning to take the exam. Do NOT think 99%ile is enough if you want something good. Irrespecting of whether you're an engineer or a non-engineer. Your rank matters more.
• Your interview depends on everything. How you look, how you speak, the content you say, the colour of the shirt you wear and yes, I'm sure it depends on your accent too. All of this is an integral part of the impression you make on the panelist.
• Ever heard of ISB or thought of going abroad? If you're aiming for top colleges, maybe ISB/abroad is a better option for you. It's expensive but it's worth it, for sure. Search up scholarships, what colleges interests you, reach out to their alumni. The MBAs abroad are also generally one year long so that's an added advantage.

Oh also, work hard. You work hard, you'll get to a certain standard without a shadow of a doubt. Even if everything goes wrong and you don't get the best of the best - at the very least you'll get something great.
Fairly long post so, TLDR - GEMs and GEM Freshers are in a bad situation, non-IIM isn't the end, CAT is uncertain, see if you can go abroad and please do work hard.

This story was originally written July 2023.
You might have heard of me. I was a social media influencer for two years.
I know kids have “influencer” as one of their top professions these days, but for me it was all an accident, really. I uploaded a few YouTube videos back in 2019, in the summer I finished school. All I did was rant about movies. I had a few notes, not a full script, and just spouted off to my laptop camera about inaccurate science, bad casting choices, real nitpicky stuff. In about six months I’d got 200 subscribers.
I was at university then, and I mentioned my videos to some of my uni friends. They subbed and told their friends, and I got up to 1,000 sub by January 2020. My videos were only about ten minutes long, and I had nowhere near the views to monetise. I was making one a week, but not on any sort of schedule. It was just something I did when I was bored.
Then the pandemic hit. A lot of students here in England basically got locked into their halls of residence (that’s dorms for any Americans reading), but I was lucky enough to get back to my parents’ before then. So I was doing what my uni laughably called “remote learning”, which basically meant a couple of video lectures a week, some worksheets, and lots and lots of my own research. I won’t bore you with the topic of my course; it’s not relevant.
I’m not exactly stereotypically pretty. I’ve come to accept that. My hair is stringy, my nose is too big, my face is profoundly asymmetrical, my complexion is strange and acned, my teeth are crooked … You get the idea. You can only do so much with makeup and hair that covers your face. I probably have fewer friends than I would if I looked like other people, and it actually took a lot of courage to make that first video - and even more courage to upload it.
I can only assume that’s the reason I went viral. It certainly wasn’t the high production values, or the tightly-written scripts, or the quality of my research. On the 9th of April I had 1,322 subscribers. On the 10th it was over 8,000. By the end of April it was up to 300,000, and I had actually monetised my channel.
The comments were … well, they were varied. Lots of hate because of my looks, but lots of love from people who just appreciated what I put out there, calling out others for their negative comments. I know many social media stars struggle with unkind comments, but I’d got used to it. Let’s be honest, they weren’t nice, but neither were they untrue. And comments under your video are easier to ignore than comments in the street. I was making decent money after all. If you were one of those commenters, you know which side you were on, and I love you either way. Thanks for the engagement - it’s not easy to gain financially from your unusual appearance!
The trouble with going viral is that it doesn’t last. Competing in the fast-paced world of internet stardom takes a lot of effort. I started experimenting with other things - YouTube shorts, TikTok, Instagram, pretty much anything going. The format that turned out to work best was actually TikTok. I’d bought some skimpy outfits and did ridiculous little dances. I quickly reached over a thousand views per video, and while I wasn’t up to their creator tier, it still worked. A well-known cosmetics company asked to sponsor my videos.
Cosmetics! Me! I guess they were going for woke points or something. I didn’t care, they offered me more money than I knew what to do with, as long as my views stayed high. So I started making 2-minute videos. A dance without make-up, then I applied the make-up - being sure to show the brand name clear and up-close - and then the same dance with make-up. If this is ringing any bells with you, then yes - that was me. And no, stupid - that’s not my real name.
I’d got used to undesired attention of course. Along with the unpleasant comments, I got my fair share of unwelcome male approaches. For a few hours after any upload, about half of my DMs were from men, and some women (or men with female account names), asking to see more of me. I wasn’t a camgirl, though I suppose I wasn’t a million miles away from one; but I could have been. I did seriously consider it a few times, but never actually followed through.
And half of the rest of my DMs, and a good portion of the public comments, were from angry women. What made me think I had the right to show off like that? How could I bring their favourite cosmetics brand into disrepute? But I’ve got pretty thick skin (hey, I can make that joke, you can’t), and mostly laughed the comments off and ignored them.
That was, in hindsight, a mistake.
By September my uni was reopening for in-person teaching. I was working six or seven hours a day just to keep up with everything, and had a couple more brands sponsoring me. Being an influencer isn’t just about filming for ten minutes a day and watching the money come in!
So I was going to tutorials an hour a day, watching video lectures at 2x speed, and ignoring my assignments in favour of making videos and replying to messages. It’s not like my pointless degree was helping with my real job.
Okay fine. It was geology. Rocks and stuff. You happy now? I bet you can’t tell the difference between sylvite and carnallite just by licking it, can you?
Anyway, the point is I came close to being chucked out. Actually I had to repeat the second year. At least I could afford it.
So anyway, I somehow got through to the end of my second year, the end of my second year again, and part way through my third year. I was passing my exams - just - and through several reinventions I had managed to maintain my social influencer role. Last Autumn I was getting some good views, and cash, back on YouTube. I was getting pretty good at make-up (I had an exclusive deal with one company on TikTok, and another deal with a different cosmetics company on YouTube). The videos that did well then were me with experimental hairstyles and not much in the way of clothes, putting on makeup for a few minutes, then reading out-of-copyright fiction in my patented “YouTube voice”. If you can imagine a cross between Shania Twain and Marge Simpson then… well, then you’re weird, but you’ve pretty much got it.
Then, last December, a week or so before the Christmas holidays, I went out with my friends. I had made a decent number, both girls and guys, by then. I could never quite tell whether it was my personality (which I assure you is fantastic), my influencer status, or the cash I was liberal with (it always seemed to be my round, and I didn’t mind). There were even a couple of boys who were keen on me, though I hadn’t done anything about it yet. Eight of us went out together to celebrate a birthday. It wasn’t actually anybody’s birthday that day, but Shireen had a Christmas Day birthday, and she wanted a proper party.
Now I look quite different in real life than I do online. I think the technical term is “frumpy” - jeans, trainers, fluffy jumper and a hat, or maybe a hoodie. The birthday girl had somehow convinced me to put a bit more effort in, and had helped me pick out some heels and a knee-length silver dress. Make-up was easy for me of course, and so I got dressed up and off we went to the Black Swan.
The Black Swan has several great qualities about it. One: it’s cheap. Two: it does good food. Three: it’s a couple of hundred metres from The Bar. We had a decent meal, a few drinks, and around 9 we walked to The Bar.
To be more precise, they walked. I wobbled. If you’ve watched my videos you might have seen me in heels, but did you ever see me walk in them? Didn’t think so.
The Bar is open til 3 in the morning. It looks respectable enough from the outside, especially in the afternoon; but after about 11, when most pubs close, it fills up with students drinking expensive-looking drinks. And almost every night, somebody jumps up onto a table, and then everybody’s up there dancing. In The Bar, either you hold your drink tightly, or you lose it.
I’d done this before, and I can handle my alcohol. I’ve stayed at The Bar till chuckout more than a few times, and I’ve been wobbly on the way home, but I’ve never thrown up or passed out. And so I was surprised when I woke up. The last thing I remembered was Stu saying he was tired, and Shireen replying that it wasn’t even midnight yet. Now I was lying on the hard wooden floor of my living room.
My head pounded. Daylight streamed through the window, and I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes. My hands were wet and sticky.
I looked at them. They were covered in blood.
I looked down. My heels were across the room, but I was still wearing my dress. It, also, was covered in blood, a huge stain across the chest.
Panic set in. What happened to me last night? I checked myself out and could find no injuries. Where did the blood come from?
Standing up, I realised it was worse than that. Red pools stained the wooden floor. I don’t know much medicine, but if somebody had lost this much blood, I couldn’t see how they could have survived.
I stood up, unsure whether my shaking was from the shock or the alcohol. This was when I saw a shirt on the floor behind me. White, with a subtle pattern. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that it wasn’t my shirt. I lived alone, and rarely invited people back to my flat. I looked around some more. A pair of men’s black leather shoes by the door. And then I saw it.
I suppose, rather, I should say him. He was naked except for a pair of dark blue jeans, slumped in the open doorway to the kitchen, covered in blood, and very, very, dead.
I panicked then. I’m calmer now, so let’s take a moment to describe my conclusions that morning. I had got very drunk. I had met a guy. We’d come back to my flat. We’d been getting naked (the shoes and shirt weren’t bloodied). Then, for some reason, we’d had an argument or a fight. The body had stab wounds in the chest, and a pool of blood had congealed onto the wooden floor of the living room and the linoleum of the kitchen where the man collapsed. How did those stab wounds get there? I didn’t know for sure, but a quick glance at my kitchen counter showed that my sharp carving knife was missing. It was all coming together. I didn’t know if he had picked up the knife, or if I had; I didn’t know why either of us would do that. I didn’t even know his name, and later when I checked his pockets, I couldn’t find any ID.
There was a lot I didn’t know. But I’m smart. So once I was done crying on the floor (I think it was about two hours), I came up with a plan. This man was dead, and I couldn’t do anything about that. But what would the consequences be? There’s no need for my life to be ruined as well. I decided not to call the police. People go missing mysteriously all the time, he can just be another statistic and I’ll get on with my life.
The blood on Dave was mostly dry by now. (Sure, I didn’t know his name, but every bloke’s called Dave, right?) So I put a badly-fitting vest on him to soak up the remaining blood, and his shirt over the top, along with his shoes. His jeans were bloody, but they were dark, so hopefully it wouldn’t show up in low light. I couldn’t find his coat, which was odd given how cold it was, but this would have to do. I put my dress and heels in a plastic bag, and grabbed a spade that I never used. Had I missed anything?
The knife. The fucking knife. I searched all over for it, but by the time it got dark I still hadn’t found it. I knew I couldn’t delay for long, so I figured it was best to deal with Dave now, and find the knife later.
Eight o’clock in the evening came. I’m lucky I have parking right outside my house, no street cameras, and a ground-floor flat. I put the bag in the boot of my car and came back for the body.
Have you ever tried to move a dead person? It’s not easy, and I’m not exactly strong. I put my arm around his waist and eventually managed to heave him almost upright. “Come on Dave, that’s it. We’re gonna get you home. Maybe calm down on the tequila next time right? Try to keep it in, and don’t you dare vomit in my car, you sexy bastard.”
Oh come on, what do you want from me? I’m an influencer, not a stand-up comedian. And anyway, I don’t think anybody saw me during the several minutes it took to drag Dave to the passenger seat. I really wish I’d got round to buying a bigger car than the Fiat Punto I’d had since I was 18, but it was too late for that now.
There’s a place about an hour’s drive from me called Epping Forest. The Heritage Trust reckon it’s most famous for its huge tracts of unspoiled wildlife, thousands of trees, and Iron Age settlements. But around here it’s best known as the place where murderers and gang members bury bodies. So off I trundled in my 1.2 litre pensioner-mobile. I arrived around 9:30, checked Google Maps, and drove offroad into the woods.
Do you know how long it takes to dig a grave? The answer is: a long time! By dawn I’d only managed a hole about two feet. Oh, and it was my third try, because the first two times I found too much rock. Well, it would have to do. In went Dave, and I shovelled the ground back over him. I thought I could put my clothes in with him, but it was a shallow grave, and when the inevitable dog-walker finds it I didn’t want them linked back to me. I mean, there’s my DNA in there for sure, but let’s not make it too easy for them, right? So I chucked the spade in a river, and the clothes went back home with me, including the vest I’d lent him.
Now in England we have a thing called ANPR everywhere. The police can just type in a car registration and see exactly where it’s been from traffic cameras. I needed an alibi. Why had I gone to Epping Forest? For a hike of course! So I walked around for a few hours, got breakfast at a pub, and told the staff about all the wacky adventures I’d had that night. And while I was there, for the first time in a good long time, I checked my phone.
Hundreds of messages, of course. But only one sent a shiver down my spine.
Jolly_Gal_56234
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
My heart thumped. My ears started ringing. I felt dizzy, nearly passed out. How could anybody know?
Of course nobody knew. I actually got messages like this fairly often. Just some idiot trying to wind people up. They’d probably sent a dozen messages just like it, to random people, and I just blocked her. Still it rattled me. I finished my breakfast, paid up, walked back to my car, and drove home.
My flat was just as I left it. Dave was gone, but his blood was still there. I scrubbed the floor for hours, and it helped a bit, but you could still see the stains. Exhausted, I showered and went to bed.
The next morning I woke up. I hadn’t posted anything for a day and a half, so I needed to do something about that. Scrolling through my messages, one stood out like a police light.
Jolly_Gal_28473
YOU’VE BEEN A BAD GIRL 🔪
Shit. SHIT! What the fuck is going on? I stared at my phone, paralysed with indecision. When I finally snapped out of it I made sure the door was locked, and tried to come up with a plan.
I had no idea who was sending these. Maybe they didn’t really know anything. You send stupid messages like that to hundreds of people, you’re gonna come across one who’s actually done something bad, right? I poured myself a big glass of gin, decided that nobody could know anything, and made a video.
Remember that one where I didn’t speak at all, just danced for three minutes dressed like 90s Britney to 70s disco music, titled “HANGOVER DANCE”? Yeah, that’s the one. I didn’t trust myself to speak without breaking, but I could dance about as well as I ever could.
The rest of the day I answered messages, emailed my sponsors, and considered getting an agent. It’s still just me doing everything, and that Sunday afternoon, I really didn’t want to. I also spent a few hours scrubbing the wooden floor with baking soda and vinegar, and looking for the knife.
I kept getting messages from Jolly_Gal. It didn’t matter how much I blocked her, she just popped up again the next day with different numbers at the end of her username. Always all-caps, just a single sentence.
YOU DON’T DESERVE IT
YOU’LL GET WHAT’S COMING TO YOU
OWN UP
DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT
Exactly one message a day, but always at different times. I decided it was a bot, and it was just coincidence that it started when it did. Until Christmas Day.
I’d been back at my parents’ for a few days, and endured the usual conversations about what I was going to do for a “proper job” after uni. They’re great, and really supportive. They’ve just never understood what an “influencer” really is, and that “playing on my phone” for six hours a day counts as work. My brother Rich gets it, but the rest of my family is honestly baffled.
Anyway, Christmas morning comes. All four of us were in the house together (my brother’s 17 so he still lives there), and we gathered together in the living room opening presents. It was a couple of weeks since the incident, and I still had nightmares every night, and those sudden panic attacks - you know, when you’re sure you’re going to be found out - but I was getting used to it. It had happened, I couldn’t change it, and I’d have to keep it secret for the rest of my life; but it was becoming a sort of background hum. I don’t know if that’s too quick, but I suppose I’ve learned to handle difficulty in my life.
Until we finished opening presents and I checked my phone.
Jolly_Gal_814385
HAPPY CHRISTMAS
And underneath, a photo of my kitchen knife, stained with blood.
I ran out of the house in tears.
Rich found me, sitting on the wooden bridge down the road from the house, my legs dangling over the river. I came here a lot when I was a teenager, so it was the first place he looked. I’d left my phone on the living room floor, and the three of them had seen the message, so he knew what triggered me. He just didn’t know the full story.
Well, I told him. I mean, not everything, obviously. But I told him how this person had been harassing me for weeks. He listened sympathetically, like he’s always done, and asked if there was anything he could do to help. I didn’t say anything; I just turned around, hugged him, and cried into his Christmas sweater.
After about half an hour we went back to the house. Rich explained things to my parents, thank goodness. I don’t think I could have handled it.
The rest of the holiday was … okay, I guess. More messages from Jolly_Gal, but only text. I made videos most days, and met all two of my old schoolfriends for drinks, movies and shopping. They’re big fans of my channels. I even took Rich out for drinks one evening, though it took us four pubs to find somewhere that wouldn’t ID him. He’s a bit of a babyface.
I did all I could not to think about Dave. I put him to the back of my mind, letting him live in the shed at the bottom of the garden of my psyche where he couldn’t disturb me. I guess that’s why it came as a shock to me, when I packed my stuff into the boot of my car to head back to uni.
There was one suitcase I’d packed but hadn’t got round to taking into the house. And peeking around the edge was that plastic bag. I’d forgotten to get rid of it!
Dad was helping me load the car, so I couldn’t do anything about it. I tucked it out of sight, finished loading up, said goodbye, and drove back to uni. It was dark when I got back, so I unpacked everything else, triple-bagged my bloody clothes, left my phone at home (no tracking me!), and walked two miles to drop them into somebody else’s wheelie bin.
The next morning I checked my messages.
Jolly_Gal_12592
WELCOME HOME
And a photo of me dumping the bag the night before.
You know what? This didn’t bother me. I mean, it did bother me, but not as much as I guess Jolly_Gal hoped. I’ve been bullied and harassed most of my life, and I’ve got pretty good at ignoring it. Sure, it was an escalation - she was actually following me - but it was just one of almost thirty messages. Jolly_Gal was hoping to destroy me. Instead, she hardened my resolve.
Clearly she had enough evidence to go to the police, but she hadn’t. And obviously she lived nearby. Now I’m no hacker, but you don’t do a job like mine without learning your way around technology. So I started sleuthing. I hadn’t bothered blocking her after the third or fourth message, so I made a list of all the messages, including timecodes. I’ve got a geology degree (almost), and we have techniques to analyse rock strata. Finally I had a genuine use for all that studying I sort of did!
Jolly_Gal was not as clever as she thought. She’d got sloppy. About half of her messages were sent at strange hours, on the hour. These were presumably posted by her bot. But the other messages were all sent between 7 and 8 am, or between 6 and 10 pm. So I guessed that she has a normal 9-5 day job, or maybe she’s a student.
Next I searched all the social media sites I could think of for Jolly_Gal or JollyGal usernames. There are a few, so please don’t go harassing people with that username! I don’t want innocent people to get hurt. After a few hours I had profiles of all Jolly_Gals. Pictures, locations, partial travel history, even birthdays for some of them. I discounted those who clearly weren’t in England, but I still had too many to narrow it down. The photos had no EXIF data so I couldn’t tell the type of phone or camera they used.
So my days became something like this: Five hours doing uni stuff, five hours working on my socials, and an hour or two learning digital sleuthing. I still went out with my friends sometimes, but made sure not to drink too much. I know how to have a good time without being drunk!
The breakthrough came by total chance. I rarely read the local papers, and just got lucky one afternoon in March. I was waiting for a friend in the pub after lectures, and there was a copy of the Post somebody had left on a table. So I flicked through it. The local council was rubbish at doing traffic. Some group of OAPS was organising a May Day celebration. And a woman had been convicted of body-snatching.
I recognised her! There was a photo of a woman in her early twenties. She’d been arrested when a corpse went missing back in December, and they’d seen her take it on the morgue’s CCTV. She’d been released on bail. “Prevention of the lawful and decent burial of a dead body” is a rare crime these days, so she hadn’t been sentenced yet; instead she was released until her sentencing, expected to be in August. Her name was Jenny Smith, which is so common as to be almost useless - that is, if you don’t have a profile of her on your laptop at home!
The report also gave her address. So I started hatching a plan. I texted my friend that I wouldn’t make it, and went home.
Jolly_Gal, or rather, Jenny, lived near me, and actually went to the same university. She had accounts on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Twitter, and a few others. Of course you can’t get Jolly_Gal by itself these days, but my profile gave all her precise usernames. I spent my evening watching her videos and reading her tweets. And then I found the smoking gun.
Jenny had posted a video on TikTok last June bitching about me. She’s way prettier than me, and yet I’d got all the subs and follows. She deserved all those sponsorship deals. It wasn’t fair that I had hundreds of thousands of subs and she only had a few thousand. She even said I was ugly and deserved to die.
Well, she got one out of two right, I guess. You can decide which one.
It all started to slot into place. Jenny was absurdly jealous of me, so she’d hatched a plan to destroy me. She must have roofied me in The Bar, got me and Dave back to my place, stabbed him, poured blood everywhere, and taken the knife home. I mean, I don’t know anything about forensic science, and I was drugged and panicked when I woke up that morning. I’d have no way of knowing that Dave had died days before he ended up in my flat!
I’d never managed to get all the blood out of the wooden flooring, and ended up putting a really misplaced rug over it. I chiselled off a sample and gave it to one of my friends who was doing a PhD in biology. It took a bit of persuading, but he ran an analysis on it.
It was pig’s blood.
Fuck Jenny. She’s not Jenny, or Jolly_Gal, she’s fucking Carrie!
She planned to destroy me. She ruined my mental health, she framed me for murder. All because I was more popular on TikTok than she was. Well, two can play at that game. I didn’t deserve what Jenny did to me. She did.
I thought about this all night, coming up with plan after plan, weighing them in my head. I wanted two things: to destroy Jenny, and to feel good about it for myself. Finally I had a course of action I’m actually rather proud of.
I decided to start slow. I did something anybody could have done - I mocked up a poster. At the top was “Jenny Smith - body snatcher!”. Underneath were two pictures, her Insta profile pic and the courthouse photo from the paper, and between them: “From This … To This!” And all her various social media handles to top it off. I printed hundreds of these, and pinned them all around the university and her street.
I’ve never thought of myself as an unkind person - God knows I’ve suffered enough myself to be sympathetic to others. But I’m willing to admit I felt a lot of satisfaction seeing her comments fill up with accusations and links to the online article. Jenny carried on making videos, but I could tell she was suffering. Good!
That was stage one. I had to up the ante for stage two. Jenny had covered me and my flat with pig’s blood, so I think we all know what’s coming next.
I pondered for a long time whether I should do it in the day or the night. But you know what they say - go big or go home. I scoped out her house for a while, and found out that she leaves her kitchen window, at the back of the house, open. Now I’m not the most athletic girl in the world, but I can be pretty determined when I want to be. So one night around 2 am I walked to her house - it’s only about half a mile - and climbed through the window.
I almost gave myself a heart attack when I knocked a glass over on the kitchen sink! Luckily it didn’t smash. I hid in a corner and waited for a full half hour before I decided Jenny hadn’t heard me. Then I snuck upstairs, slow as anything, and crept into her room.
Actually, the first room wasn’t hers. She shared with a couple of other students. Thank fuck I checked first! The second room was the right one. She was asleep, alone, in a double bed. I was so quiet that the only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest as I opened my canvas bag, gently deposited its contents onto the pillow next to her, and took a photo. It didn’t come out that well - I couldn’t use the flash - but hey, I have a souvenir!
I really wish I’d seen her face when she woke up the next morning, staring at a pig’s head. She didn’t post on her socials for a week after that, and for two days she even forgot to send me a threatening message.
I’m sorry? You think I’m done? Oh, my sweet summer child. I’ve barely begun.
Jenny had a boyfriend, Abdul. I made sure he wasn’t around when I broke in, but stage three involved him in a big way.
Abdul was also at our university, a year younger than me, a year older than Jenny. He wasn’t very active on social media, but he did tend to broadcast his activity on Twitter. And what do you know? He’s also a fan of The Bar. So I spent the next month planning my move. I bought a new clubbing dress and heels - hey, I kinda missed that outfit! - and asked around for the other thing I needed. Some things you can’t just buy in Next, or a local butcher’s, but eventually I managed it.
I got my chance one Friday in May. Abdul had loudly announced on Twitter that he was excited for his boys’ night out in The Bar, and Jenny had been gushing about a girls’ night on the whole other side of town. Perfect. I spent hours on my makeup, and got to The Bar around ten. Abdul and his mates were having a drinking contest, and leching up at the girls dancing on the tables.
I figured I had a good long while before he would be ready, so I had a couple of drinks - not too much, but like I said I can handle myself, and I knew Jenny wasn’t around - and got up on the tables myself for a bit. Then about midnight Abdul’s friend got another round in, while Abdul was in the loo. This was my chance. I walked up to their table - which had no dancing feet on it, but a heck of a lot of spilled beer - and started talking to them, saying I thought their friend was hot.
“Uh, what the fuck?” “Not a chance in hell.” “Get lost, freak!”
Lovely chaps. But they were too far gone to notice me dropping something into Abdul’s double-whiskey-and-coke. For all I know, it’s the exact same thing Jenny used on me all those months ago.
Abdul came back and downed his whiskey in one gulp. I was worried he was going to vomit it up, but he held it in and blamed his difficulty on the coke fizz. Yeah mate, sure, sure.
Not too long after, he started to fade. His friends were really taking the piss out of him for being such a lightweight. Well, when I came over, the pisstaking just got worse. I introduced myself (with a fake name, duh) and told him he was hot. Believe it or not, it was only about twenty seconds before he put his tongue down my throat. Wow, I’m not sure I even needed to bother with the roofie!
His friends, who had been so intent on being mean to me, now turned their attention to him. I suggested we ditch them and go back to his place (I’d checked, it was only five minutes’ walk sober) - and off we went.
That was the first time I had sex. I’m sure I don’t need to go into details, but we did a lot of stuff, and I enjoyed it. I’m not sure if that’s because it was good, or because he was good, or because I knew what it was all for. I was impressed that he managed to keep going as long as he did in his state, but I do feel a bit sorry for him; from his Twitter he seems like a decent guy.
When he finally fell asleep I left. I’d got what I came for - pictures. And the next day I made a new account and sent a DM to Jenny.
At first I blurred my face, or chose shots that didn’t include it. A bit of editing and I could have been anybody. I watched their messy breakup on Twitter, Jenny hurling accusations, Abdul protesting his innocence. I know this is the age of social media, but I never understood why people play these things out in public.
And then, after posting a picture a day for a few weeks (I’d taken a lot of pictures), I sent one that showed my face clearly.
Jenny had managed to restrain herself from replying before, but now she knew who I was. She was furious! The very idea that her boyfriend had cheated on her with ME, of all people, was unbelievable. And this was exactly the outcome I’d been going for.
Jolly_Gal was broken. She’d ruined her reputation. She’d lost her boyfriend. She had nightmares about pigs (okay, so I don’t know that for certain, but in my imagination she woke up screaming every night). She was possibly going to prison. And now she knew that not only was I more successful than her as an influencer, but I was the one to steal her lover. She still sent messages, at first angry, but they soon degenerated into pleading. “Please stop.” “I’m sorry.” “We can work this out.” Jolly_Gal without CAPS LOCK, it was glorious to see.
In fact it was almost perfect. Three stages of my plan were complete, and only one remained. Jenny’s sentencing was in three weeks, so I had to move quickly.
She had two flatmates, so I needed to work around them. They weren’t particularly active on Twitter, but Jenny was. I knew from her tweets that while her flatmates had gone home, she was staying on a couple of weeks after the end of term. She didn’t say why publicly, but it was for her trial. No flatmates, no boyfriend. Now was the time.
And that brings us up to date. I’ve typed this up over the last few days, and saved as a draft. The final chapter, hopefully, comes tonight.
*******
I’m at Jenny’s house, and I’ve just called the police.
I turned up at Jenny’s door just after seven. Luck was with me - she’d tweeted that she was expecting a Deliveroo takeout. And I got there first.
The idiot actually kept the knife. I’d seen it when I was in her room. When she answered the doorbell, expecting food, and saw me - ah, the look on her face was priceless.
“I’m so sorry! Please, let’s just talk. I didn’t mean it to get this -”
I stalked towards her, anger in my face. Jenny fled upstairs. Perfect! She went into her room and shut the door, but I was like the furies of Greek legend. I smashed the door in, and looked on as Jenny cowered on her bed.
In full daylight, I saw the knife took pride of place in what looked like a shrine. She had photos of me printed out, and she’d written on them “BITCH”, “WHORE”, “FREAK” and all sorts of other hateful words.
Jenny had tried to make me into a murderer, so I gave her what she wanted. I grabbed the knife and stood over her. The coward shrank into the bed, begging for forgiveness, pleading for her life. Unfortunately for her I was not inclined to oblige. I plunged the knife into her chest, just as she had done to Dave all those many months ago. Jenny whimpered like a whipped dog, and after the ninth stab (yes, I counted), she stopped.
The police are on their way. I’m definitely going to jail after this. But Jenny got what was coming to her. We could both have lived happily, but Jenny chose otherwise.
And me? I passed my degree. I have friends. And jail or not, I have a life.
Burn in hell, Jolly_Gal.

My first post from a couple months ago is my last post made on my profile (reddit mobile wouldn't let me link)
31F, 5'4", 110lbs, white.
Medications: 150mg Bupropion(wellbutrin) & 5mg escitalipram(lexapro) daily in the am
Diagnosed with IBS about a decade ago, cut out gluten to try to help it. I poop every morning, regularly. Sometimes a bit constipated if I eat a lot of junk. But always at least 1 daily normal poop.
Last night I started having pretty bad lower abdominal cramps. It was the last day of my period (so just spotting - period cramps on any day but my first 2 is unusual), which also came a week early - also very unusual as I track my cycle and it's always very consistent. The cramps began around 9pm, steadily got worse to the point I was doubling over and struggling to walk. I tried to just sleep it off around 11pm, but I woke up to the extreme pain being much worse at 1245am. I had to crawl myself to my bathroom because I thought I might vomit. (I didnt) while I was crawling, I somehow passed out as well. I think for only about 10 minutes or so, because when I came to I was drenched in sweat, my hands and feet were pins & needles, I felt like I was going to vomit still, and it was 1255am.
My body was screaming that something was wrong, and since I live alone I called 911. They all immediately figured it was my appendix bursting. I thought so too. I was having severe contracting-like pain coming in waves in my entire pelvic area below my bellybutton. Any type of movement, especially of my legs or bending at the knee would send shooting pain all over my abdomen. I am not pregnant, that's impossible. I did have sex the night before, however it was not painful or anything like that. I've also been getting several bruises all over my legs that are unexplained over the last week or two. Not sure if that's relevant.
I got to the hospital, they took blood, urine sample, CT scan. Nothing on ct scan that signified my appendix was inflamed (or anything else for that matter). Blood came back with just white blood cell count at 15 (that's what the doc said, idk what that means though). Urine was normal.
So they sent me in for an ultrasound of my ovaries - full transvaginal ultrasound as well. My ovaries are perfectly fine, apparently. They found nothing unusual.
So they basically slapped a pain med prescription on me like a bandaid and told me good luck 🤷‍♀️ I didn't want to stay longer because of how expensive hospitals are, so I went home. I was drugged up enough to walk at the time, and had a friend pick me up. I was in the hospital from a little before 2am until 7am when I got picked up. I got home and slept from 730am until 430pm, and the pain isn't coming in shooting waves, it's just consistently there. Especially if I walk or move too fast it hurts more. I can't take a deep breath without it hurting.
Some info from my previous post - I had a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy, they found nothing aside from a little bit of gastritis in my stomach. I got this because the first day I went to the ER was for severe pain in my upper right abdomen just below my ribs that went down go my hip area and I was also bleeding bright red blood in my stool. We never got any answers about that, but that bleeding stopped only a couple weeks ago (first er visit was 1/25/24, colonoscopy was on 3/6/24). As for the side pain, they took a ct scan and couldn't find my appendix (idk, that's just what they told me). Scan came back normal then as well.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I'm frustrated as all hell. I'm struggling to eat big meals without feeling nauseus right after. Since my first er visit, I weighed about 120lbs. Now I'm at 106lbs. It's very hard for me to gain weight, but I've been at 115lbs for the last like 7 or 8 years so this is also unusual for me. Idk where to go from here...

First / Previous
I’m very, very good at telling when someone’s lying to me.
People have lied to me my whole life, so I’ve had some practice.
I’ve only forgiven one lie—the first one I remember. The sky glowed maroon, machine oil odor filled my nostrils, and I huddled below my blankets while Alice squeezed Miss Marvelous and screamed in the bottom bunk.
Mom told us it would be alright.
She lied.
My therapist spent two hours lying to me. He only told me three things that felt true—the Number of Power. When I clammed up, he shoved some chewable pills at me and left. Dad drove us to the hotel twenty minutes later, drinking from a silver bottle.
I’d hidden the pills in my slippers, between my toes. No one saw.
◄▼►
Outside Victoria, British Columbia - May 23, 2043, 12:22 PM
- - - - -
{Stability 6/10}
The dinging sound in my aural aug wakes me up. There’s another weird message, but also a call.
A call. That’s good. Maybe it’s over. I…killed…the thinling. But Alice and Sora wouldn’t call through my aug. They know it heats up during calls. And my phone’s still on mandatory airplane mode.
I pick up.
The man’s voice is almost monotone, perfectly calm, and disgustingly familiar. I’ve heard it before, but I can’t remember where. Was it the principal’s voice? The therapist’s? I know it’s not Dad’s; he’s never monotone and rarely calm. “We’re tracking and inbound on your position. Hold your pos—“
“I’m Claire,” I say suddenly. And the floodgates open. “Claire Pendleton. I’m at West End High, and there were thinnings, but they both merged, and the first one brought a world through and a thinling, but the second one gave me a gun and I hid in the bathroom and used the mirror to stop it and I shot it. I shot it and it’s dead! But I need help. Help, pleasepleaseplease!”
“Subject is verbal.” The voice isn’t speaking to me. He’s talking through my panic, my hysteria. Is he even listening to me? No. No, he’s not. “Subject is a female adolescent, fourteen to sixteen years old. Potentially violent. Description does not match the augs’ owner’s description. Transferring to James.”
“What do you mean? They’re my—“
The line goes dead.
“—augs…” And just like that, I’m alone again. Everything hurts, whether it’s my raw, tender palm, aching throat, or just the phantom pain from the fires that swept across me when I…bonded…with the revolver. But the thinling is dead. I killed it. And if I can kill it, I can get to the shelter. I can blend in with the other students and pretend this hasn’t happened.
I fiddle with my optical aug, trying to pull up the System’s messages again. After a minute of fruitless attempts, I start muttering to myself, and it almost immediately flickers open in my eye. I roll my eyes at how stupid that feels, then start fiddling with it, trying to get a sense of how it all works together. Without the Assistance Functions, though, it’s tough to tell. I know I’ve lost Stability from fighting thinlings and discovering the revolver, but I’m not sure how to get it back.
I’m halfway through trying an equation using Skills, Truths, and Inquiries as variables when my aural aug goes off again. If it’s the calm, monotone man, I’m going to scream. I answer the call. “Hello?”
“Hello, my name is James, and you’re Claire Pendleton, right?” This voice is younger; James can’t be more than my age—maybe a year older. And unlike the first voice’s calm monotone, James has life in his voice. Energy. Ups and downs. He’s a teenager, like Alice or Sora—I’m not sure why he’s on the phone and not an adult. But before he says another word, I know a truth about James. It’s in his tone.
He will lie to me. Maybe he already has.
I won’t forgive his lies, I decide I. But I don’t have any choice but to tolerate them. I take a few breaths, cough, and try to close the floodgates this time. “Yes, Claire Pendleton. Don’t lie to me, James. I’m in trouble, and I need help. Everything’s not going to be alright, and telling me that won’t help.” It comes out angrier than I wanted, but I can’t take that back now.
He’s taken aback, though. I can tell from the silence in my aug for a minute. Then he clears his throat. “I’m building your profile now. Once we have it, my superiors will tell me exactly what I can and can’t tell you. You’re not who we expected from your augments. For now, here’s what you need to know. Your survival is important to us. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you get to West End High’s safe room in one piece, and in return, you’re going to keep me on the line. Got it?”
“That’s not going to work,” I say. “My aug’s a piece of junk, and it’s already overheating. And I don’t even know who you are! I killed a thinling, and I’ve been through two merges today, and I don’t know anything about you or what you want.”
The panic’s hitting me again. I need to sit down. My feet don’t respond right away as I slowly struggle to stand and walk to the girls’ bathroom. I sit on the toilet in the limbo-dancer stall, the door held open with my foot, and clear my throat. “Who are you?”
“My name is James, and I’m cleared to tell you I’m an Operator for the Supernatural and Hidden Objects Control and Knowledge Service and that you’re currently a person of interest to us.”
I shiver despite my best efforts to keep it together. That’s not a lie—at least not all of it.
◄▼►
My aural aug beeps, letting me know it’s reaching critical heat levels. I already know that, obviously. It’s getting painful to listen to James at all. But I’ve been a person of interest to SHOCKS before.
Just after the burgundy skies, the machine oil and roses, and the metal tang I couldn’t spit out. And the missing wall that let in the warp and made Mom a liar. It wasn’t fun the first time, and it won’t be fun now.
[Patch Installation In Progress]
[Patch Installation Successful]
Before I can complain, James speaks in my ear. It sounds like he’s talking through a walkie-talkie now. “I’ve downloaded a speed limiter patch into your aural and optical augs. It’ll reduce my optics feed quality, and we’ll sound scratchy and staticky, but they should stop overheating. Twenty to thirty-percent drop in heat.”
Sure enough, the heat in my ear drops to a tolerable glow. “You’re in my optic aug, too?” I ask, concerned. SHOCKS hasn’t been my friend in the past; my therapist was SHOCKS, and the last thing I need is the boogeyman in my brain. The Halcyon System riding along is bad enough, but if James sees everything I do, too…
“Yes. I’m piggybacking through both of your augs right now. SHOCKS already has a profile for you, so expect some changes in our interactions over the next two or three minutes as I adjust. Please confirm the following questions: First, is your date of birth June 15, 2029?”
“Yes.” That’s pretty basic, and SHOCKS already knows the answer.
“You’re two months older than me. I won’t be fifteen until August 23,” James says. I’m still waiting for James’s next lie. “Now, I need to ask about something that happened on October 11, 2034. You were—“
“No.”
“I’m sorry, but I—“
“You already know exactly what happened. The truth, according to you guys. I don’t need to tell you anything.” He’s digging into places I won’t go with Sora. How dare he?
“I see.” James’s voice shifts slightly, his accent changing to Oxford English. “What do you know about SHOCKS?”
“You’re the boogeyman.”
“That’s not wrong,” James laughs. Even his laugh has picked up a British-sounding tone. I also feel myself relax as his tone shifts to a businesslike calm. Is the accent a lie? I can’t decide. “Claire, your augs show you in a relatively safe place, but that won’t last. The profile says you don’t trust people. I’m going to ask you to trust me.”
“No.” The word leaves my lips before I realize I’ve said it. “No, I can’t.”
“Claire, you’ve encountered a full-blown reality merge to R-389 and an instant-entry merge with an unknown reality. The rest of Victoria is experiencing merges, and no one else can help you. It’s unlikely you’ll survive the third merge without my help.”
I sit on the toilet seat, turning the revolver over and over in my hands. James still hasn’t lied. He doesn’t think I can handle it here by myself. And neither do I, to be honest. So why did I go from begging the adult to help me to being unsure about James? Because I know he’ll lie to me? Because I’m thinking now instead of panicking? Or is it just because I’m older than him? I narrow my eyes.
He’s right. Unfortunately. I can’t find a way to the shelter. Not without help, and he’s who I’ve got. “I can’t trust you. You’ll lie. You all do. But the shelter’s on the wrong side of the school, and I can’t get there. Give me a way through.”
“Not through, out. You need to break out a window, move past the soccer field, and find the cafeteria. If you go in through those doors, it’s a straight shot to—“
“The office. Got it.” I don’t stand up, but I do let the stall door squeak shut. The bathroom’s perfume-and-cleaning supply smell feels overpowering and oppressive, but it also smells like safety. The thinling couldn’t get me here. I’m half-tempted to stay. But only half. The revolver sits in my lap; I pick it up and hold it in front of my optic aug. “I need to know more about thinlings and this thing.”
“Thinlings? We don’t have anything by that name from R-389. Did you make that up?”
“No. Your emergency system told me their name,” I say, rolling my eyes. I finally hoist myself out of the stall and walk gingerly back into the hallway. I look carefully at the thinling’s remains. “That’s a thinling,” I say.
James goes quiet for a minute. A full minute. While he waits, I fidget with my glasses and rub my thumb against the Revolver’s bullet holder. I’ve decided the Revolver is a thing of power, like the Truth or the number Three. It’s from a merge, yes, but all three let me solve equations I couldn’t before. They’re the best kinds of variables; I can put them anywhere and have a good chance of not screwing up the math. They almost seem bigger than the equations, in fact.
James clears his throat in my ear. “There are some things I can’t tell you, but we have a record of these. 389-T-13/2I.”
I blink. “Sorry, what?”
“That’s its designation. It’s a 389-T-13/2I. That means it’s from Reality 389, it’s the thirteenth type of anomaly we’ve encountered from there, and it’s a Type Two Incomprehensible. Incomprehensibles are weird, but incomprehensibility works both ways with Type Twos like the 389-T-13/2I. It’s a high Anquan-Danger anomaly. Trivial for a trained soldier. Dangerous to you. They don’t tend to have a sense of self, so exposing them to themselves causes problems in their behavior. I see you used a mirror. Good thinking.”
I reevaluate my partnership with James. Even if I can’t trust him, he knows his stuff, and he’s just a voice in my head. I’ll know what he knows—most of it, anyway. There’s no way that’s all the information on 389-T-13/whatevers. And I’m not sure what’s more incomprehensible, the monster I shot or that name. It’d take a computer to keep track of a bunch of codes like that.
“We’re calling it a thinling,” I say. I hear him start to protest and cut him off. “I’m older. What I say goes.”
“That’s incredibly stupid,” James complains in my ear, but I know I’ve got him, so I don’t say anything. After a moment, he relents. “Thinlings, or 389-T-13/2I, are usually the first anomalies through merges to R-389, and they’re easy to deal with. They usually come through in groups, so be ready for more. Now, show me that pistol again.”
“The Revolver,” I say under my breath as I hold it up.
James goes almost silent; a keyboard sound clicks rapidly in my ear, but he doesn’t say anything for a while again. I shift the Revolver in my hands, careful not to hit my cut palm, and wait. It takes almost three minutes. I know because I count the seconds after the silence gets awkward.
“Claire, that object isn’t in our database. We don’t have a single sample on file.” James’s voice has changed. The British accent wavers, and seriousness washes over him, almost identical to the monotone man’s cadence but higher-pitched. “We’re labeling the reality it came from R-573-T. It’s likely the first object we’ve found from it, so it’s important that you don’t use it anymore. We don’t know the possible effects it could have.”
I close my eyes, count to three, and open them again. The Revolver’s off-white barrel almost glows in the twilight hall, and the faint light glints off the brass bullet holder. I wrap my hand around the grip, resting my finger on the trigger guard. “I’m keeping it. What’s the bullet holder called?”
“The cylinder. You need to keep it. Don’t lose it, whatever you do. SHOCKS needs that object.”
I step over the smoldering, stinking remains of the thinling and walk down the hall, the Revolver’s barrel facing the floor. My gut tightens almost painfully as I turn my back to the monster—what if it’s not dead? What if I have to run? But there’s no way it’s getting up. I’m okay.
I return to Mrs. Helquist’s math room. Splinters and sawdust cover the hall’s tiles; I step over them and into the classroom. Shockingly, the door and a few drops of blood on her carpet are the only signs I’d run through here or that the thinling chased me.
Those and the smell rolling in through the shattered window. A warm ground beef and electrical scent that sticks in my nose and makes my stomach heave. I choke back bile and look out the window.
And I see the Truth—that, Revolver or not, James or not, I can’t go out there.
◄▼►
I’m back in the girls’ bathroom, sitting on the toilet seat again. James hasn’t said a word since I turned around. Looking at the soccer field, at what was…out there…I couldn’t. So I’m back here, where it’s safe. Or at least where it’s safer than that. My stomach is lighter now, but I can’t get the taste of used breakfast out of my mouth—or the smell of warm meat out of my nose.
James breaks the silence. “The merge is backward, Claire. We can’t get a recovery and stabilization team into any merged zones near Victoria. You’re effectively inside of R-389 right now, and you’re in possession of an unknown anomalous object. That’s the bad news. The good news is that since you have the object, I was able to negotiate Class Zero clearance for you. Welcome to SHOCKS.”
I ignore him. He’s still not lying, but nothing he’s saying is helpful right now. “We’ll loop around. It’s a long push through the gym, but the second floor doesn’t have fire doors. They never installed them.” I’m not looking forward to traveling through Mr. Roberts’s gym or the lockers, though—not after what happened to everyone left outside. PE was my biggest nightmare all last year, and it’ll probably be worse now.
“Are you sure? The longer it takes to get to the shelter, the worse the merge will get.”
“I’m sure. I can’t.” I push myself to my feet and hold the Revolver. “It’ll be safer inside.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” James says. “R-389’s unreality levels are much higher than R-0’s. The longer this takes, the less stable the world will get.”
“So the whole world’s turning into a thinling?” I ask.
“Can we meet in the middle? How about T-Thirteens?” James asks. “Not the whole world, but it’ll get worse here soon.”
I ponder as I stick my head out into the hall. I’m doubling back toward Mrs. Helquist’s room, but instead of going inside, I’m heading through the Social Studies hall to the gym. If I can get through the basketball court and past the ticket booth on the far side, I can get upstairs. If I can get upstairs, I can find the main stairwell, and if I can find that, I can get to the shelter’s door.
Simple and linear.
Nothing moves in the dim hall. Here and there, white light pours in through the windows; the white, almost fluorescent sun seems to have won its war against the sickly yellow clouds. I hadn’t noticed them from Mrs. Helquist’s window. “Move from classroom door to classroom door. Always check behind you before you move. Keep looking around, and look inside every room you pass. Don’t leave any T-Thirteens behind you. Make sure you have an escape route.”
He’s trying to give me weeks of training in one long, never-ending lecture, but almost everything bounces off my brain like a tennis ball. I move to the first classroom door, look around quickly, then hobble to the next. The whole time, I’m rerunning my equation. If my math is correct, I’ve balanced it—for the most part. But James’s constant talking is a new variable, and I haven’t figured out how to solve it yet.
It also changes the rest of the problem. James is a wealth of information, but I can’t trust him, and whatever Class Zero clearance is, it’s not high-ranking enough to get the truth out of him. He seems genuine in wanting to help me. I just can’t digest everything he’s still saying about tactics, clearing rooms by myself, self-covering, situational awareness, and a million other soldier-sounding sound bites. I give up and set James aside as a variable. I need to solve the gym first.
“Go right,” James says a second after I turn right into the Social Studies hall. I roll my eyes and hold my tongue, darting from door to door. The posters are different here: maps of Canada, a student-made British Columbia flag made from magazine clippings, and timelines. I ignore them, checking rooms, hurrying through the dark sections of the hall, and lingering in the pale lights as long as I can. It takes almost five uneventful, heart-pounding minutes to arrive at the gym’s doors.
Mr. Roberts is inside.
Or maybe it’s something that used to be Mr. Roberts. Or something lying about being Mr. Roberts. Much like the thinling—I refuse to call it a T-Thirteen—his appearance shimmers and changes, but whether his arms bulge like a bodybuilder’s, his legs split into four bone-white insect legs, or his fingers rattle and clatter like chains on the floor, it’s still him—just…different hims. Looking at him makes me feel like I’m spinning or falling—or both.
Either way, he stands under the basketball hoop in his usual place, overseeing an invisible PE class. That’s a problem. The stairs are on the far side. I can see them from here, but I don’t think I can get across the gym without Mr. Roberts seeing me.
My hand’s on the door when James interrupts. “This is a Type Three Incomprehensible, Claire.”
“He’s Mr. Roberts.” Even though it’s not quite my PE teacher, it’s almost right most of the time.
“No, it’s a Type Three Incomprehensible. I’m not sure which classification, but all Incomprehensibles are mind-affecting anomalies. What do you see?”
I describe it, and I can almost hear James shaking his head. He types for a moment. “It’ll get worse the closer you get. I’m overlaying an image over it. Use your aug, close your other eye, and pay attention to the overlay, not what’s behind it. And hurry. I had to disable my patch and overclock your aug.”
“Got it,” I whisper, my hand still on the door. Everything James has told me is the truth, but it’s not the capital-T truth. I won’t find that in what some boy miles away keeps saying in my ear.
I push the door open and run inside.
Mr. Roberts turns and screams/roars. This close, he’s not much different than the thinling. I squeeze my right eye closed, and he fades into the background, replaced by a jet-black cut-out exactly his shape. As the black cut-out starts running toward me, Mr. Roberts’s long fingernails and split legs occasionally weave out from behind the blackness. Those bits give me vertigo.
I level the Revolver and fire. The shot hits the shadowy overlay, which keeps coming. I pull the trigger again, but nothing happens.
“Run, Claire!” James all but screams in my ear. I sprint for the stairs, shoes sticking slightly to the wooden floor. What did I step in that makes them stick? It feels like I’m running through syrup.
I look at Mr. Roberts. He’s closing the gap quickly, and the black overlay seems to be breaking down. His four insect legs propel him toward me across the tar-like basketball court, and his fingernails whip back and forth like chains—chains with spikes on the ends. My aug’s already overheating, a roaring inferno in my skull that doesn’t stop.
The floor gets stickier and stickier until I’m all but swimming through the gym. Mr. Roberts reaches me. The overlay disappears, fading to reveal something that’s both perfectly my PE teacher and something completely alien.
{Skill Learned: Endurance 1}
{Stability 4/10}
My head swims, and my mouth fills with bile again. I throw myself toward the stairwell, and the sticky feeling disappears when I crash into the first step. I scramble up the stairs, away from the thing that isn’t quite Mr. Roberts. Three steps. Four. I trip, roll on the stairs, and look back, both eyes open.
The Mr. Roberts thing screams/roars from below the bottom step. The Revolver’s bullet, the one lined up with the barrel, glows and illuminates his face. And in that moment, just before I scream and turn and crawl up the remaining stairs, I see the Truth.
It’s not him.
But it was.
◄▼►

This is a work in progress, I’d love to add to it! Feel free to ask questions or suggest things to add.
GENERAL MERCH - SECONDHAND
If you’ve been wondering where to buy TWST merch, you may have heard of Mercari Japan. Mercari is a secondhand site that’s commonly used in Japan to sell merch and collectibles. There is an American branch of Mercari, but it seems to be run completely separately - recently Mercari US has done some shady stuff with returns and charging the buyers fees, I’ve never seen anything to do with that on Mercari JP. The ‘culture’ is also pretty different than any NA based secondhand site I’ve been on. People sell clothes, things cluttering up their house, handmade items, high value collector’s items and more all on the same site. It’s like a combination of poshmark, original etsy, and eBay. It’s also the best place to get TWST stuff, unless you happen to catch an Aniplex pre order. You need a shopping service to help you buy because you don’t live in Japan, but it’s really no big deal!
If you don’t want to deal with a shopping service, or aren’t as much of a ‘sport shopper’ who enjoys hunting down deals, Suruga-ya is trustworthy and a little easier to use. The prices will be generally higher than you find on Mercari, as to be expected with any reseller of used goods, but they seem reasonable. You can buy directly from them, but you’ll still be paying the international shipping cost from Japan. However, they often have promotions on shipping, which can be a good enough deal to even offset item markup!
What’s a shopping service?
A shopping service (also called a proxy) is a company that purchases the things you want for you. You select items, send the money to the shopping service, and they purchase them. Items are shipped to the shopping service, and when they receive everything; you pay for international shipping. Then you get a big box of items, yay!
So how much is shipping?
The international ‘light packet’ shipping is about 30$ CAD or 22$ USD. I can only speak for North America, if anyone has approximate costs for other countries I’d love to add that. You can get quite a bit in a box before the shipping goes up, in my experience - I’ve paid 30 for shipping and recieved a box full of items approximately the size of a large shoebox (like that you might buy boots in). If you’re looking at small items like nuis, zipper pouches and buttons you can buy quite a bit and make that shipping worth your while. I’ve gone up to about 70$ CAD before in shipping, usually buying quite a lot (ordering stuff for friends and/or bulkier items like in box nendoroids or the large plushies).
How much are items?
Your best value will be in ‘lots’ of items people are selling - for TWST this is usually grouped by character or just by dorm. It really depends on how popular the dorm/characters you are interested in is, for how good the deals will be! Also if you’re looking for event/birthday items, those tend to be pricier or require more hunting around to find a good price. You can often find a lot of items with a handful of keychains, an acrylic standee or two, some pins, a couple of cards and maybe a nui or two for around 10$. Many of the common items are often in these lots, so I never go out of my way to buy them on their own. If I buy something on its own, it’s usually because it’s rare or special (lately this has been birthday pins for me).
These items are secondhand. Are they clean?
Anyone who’s bought secondhand items, especially online, knows that sometimes the condition is misrepresented. There can be undisclosed damage, dirt/pet hair, things stinking of smoke etc. I’ve literally never had this problem on the Japanese market - sometimes there’s photos of ‘damage’ I can’t even see, and often things are heavily discounted for reasons like ‘I own a cat’. Things still wrapped in original plastic will have ‘this is stored by an amateur, purchase with caution’ in their description. Everything is nicely packaged and all clothing items I’ve bought have been washed (sometimes with a laundry detergent I don’t like the smell of, but I’m washing it myself anyways!).
On Poshmark/Depop you often have to talk to the seller. Is Mercari JP like that?
Not at all. If there is any messaging the seller involved, the shopping service takes care of it for you.
How do I buy?
I use the shopping service Buyee. You can search directly through them and even save your fave searches on your profile to check them easily, which I love. Buyee also lets you buy directly from a number of other sites big like Rakuten and Yahoo JP, and combine it all together into one order they ship for you. I haven’t found anywhere near as much TWST stuff on those sites as on Mercari, but it is convenient! Once you find something you like, you can put it in your cart to think about it or buy it right away. The purchase screen shows you the purchase price plus the 300 yen shipping service price. Some services take a percentage instead, but the flat fee is great for those lots of items and higher priced items. It is not so great for things like single buttons which may be priced around 300 yen themselves. There’s also a dropdown menu with ‘purchase protection package’ which has 0, 300 and 500 yen options. It will be automatically set to the highest option. This may be worthwhile for a very high value collectible or something fragile, but I have always happily set it to 0. Everything is always well packed and I have no reservations about doing this! You can pay with a credit card that you have the option to save on the account. Then it’ll show up in your ‘orders’ tab (you can see it if you click on your cart!) and you’ll be able to see when buyee completes the order, when the item ships and when they recieve it. Occasionally an item will be sold out, or the seller will cancel, and in that case buyee refunds you immediately. Once an item arrives at buyee, they’ll keep it for 30 days (I believe you can extend for a fee? I haven’t personally done it).
How do I ship my items?
Once they all arrive (you’ll get an email when each one comes in) click on ‘package information’ on the top bar and then ‘in storage’. You’ll see that they have a shipping estimate for each individual item, but we’re going to put them all together. Click select all, and then consolidate package. You’ll be asked about additional protective packaging - again, their default packaging is quite secure, I only got additional packaging once when I bought a ceramic item. Confirm that you want to consolidate. This takes about a day, and then you’ll be able to see shipping costs for your complete package. Simply choose what shipping company you want (availability and price will vary depending on where you are and what you’ve bought), pay the shipping fee and they’ll send out your package! Now you just have to wait for it to arrive.
So… how do I find items?
One of the best ways to find specific types of merch is to just search ツイステッドワンダーランド (Twisted Wonderland) by category. ツイステッ seems to be used the same way we say TWST, so you can experiment with that too! My favourite category search is fashion -> women, which works as a pretty good catch all for things like bags, shirts, PJs etc. If you’re looking for stuff that doesn’t fall into plushies/keychains/buttons/standees, it’s a good one. Books, magazines & manga -> manga is good for doujinshi. Games, toys & goods -> toys -> plush doll will get you all of the plushies. Most other types of stuff you might want will be in the ‘character goods’ category under Games, toys & goods. You’ll see pin badges, acrylic stands and key rings all under there as separate categories!
Generally the other keywords I find useful are the dorms and character names. I’ll include those in a comment below - most of them you can straight run through google translate, but a few of them don’t come out quite right.
You can sort things a few ways, I find price low->high or newly added to be the most useful! The price search is good for deals, but you usually have to scroll through tons of pages of just bundles of the cards to get there, that’s pretty much always what’s priced the lowest.
DOUJINSHI
You can buy used doujin on Mercari, and this can be good for getting a bundle of one pairing. However… buyee strictly doesn’t allow any 18+ content to show in searches, and they won’t purchase it. Even if you don’t want 18+ doujin, what about new stuff?
The answer is Toronoana, a marketplace just for doujinshi where they appear to be listed by the artists themselves. If you follow an artist on Twitter, they usually announce when they’re releasing a doujin - however, you can feel free to just browse a pairing. Search a character’s name (translated, of course) and when you find a listing with the pairing you want, you can click it there to see everything filed under that pairing. Keep in mind that doujin still very strictly follow the TopxBottom format, so if you want to see all content for a pairing you’ll have to make sure you check both versions. If you don’t want to see 18+ content, don’t worry - it’s listed under two completely different tabs. Each listing has a short description as well as a few sample pages, so you can see what the art and vibe is like.
If I can’t use buyee, what do I use?
Anime Otaku Carry Service. This one is actually a little weird compared to other shopping services, but once it’s set up it’s surprisingly easy to use! You’ll need an account on both Toronoana and AOCS. When you make your AOCS account, it’ll prompt you to link your Toronoana account. This is pretty easy and well explained on the AOCS site while you’re doing it. Once you’ve done that, you can pretty much shop right on Toronoana! If you see a book you like that’s out of stock, there’s also a spot to click to email you if it gets reprinted. The thing that confused me a little is that when you submit the books you want purchased, you don’t pay for them. AOCS orders them for you and once they all arrive you pay for the books and the shipping at the same time. Super convenient for stuff like preorders, but I definitely felt like I’d done something wrong the first time I ordered!
FANMADE ITEMS
Let me know your fave artists and makers, I only know a few and I’d love to have more.
Booth.pm - Japanese site for art and fan merch, requires a shopping service
TyrentArt on Etsy - charms, photo card holders, photo cards
Birdcrumb on Etsy - charms, prints, etc
MarkeTaico on Etsy - charms
MOmePeach on Etsy - Charms, stickers, prints
Dangerous Ladies - cosplay kits and files

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---King---
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---Gordon’s perspective---
My magnum opus reveals himself…
At 275cm, I could count on one hand the number of gigantism afflicted Humans who’ve ever been taller… and all of them died before they hit 35… after living short lives of pain and frailty.
At 338kg of muscle, bone and sinew… ‘frail’ couldn’t be a less fitting descriptor for this man!
His sclerae and pupils both glow with an unearthly bioluminescence that very much conveys the idea of ‘Godking’ to any who see him.
A thick, black beard and long, sleek, straight black hair both spill out from his skull which, while at the more ‘heroic’ proportion of 1:8.5 rather than the more normal 1:7, is still significantly larger than anyone else’s, meaning I was able to expand his brain and, consequently, his intellect, much more than I was for the rest of us… still giving him a cranium dense and thick enough to protect against a direct hit with a low calibre bullet!
Atop his luxuriant beard sits a proud, aquiline hooked nose, which he insisted would make him look kingly and wouldn’t look at all silly.
His internals (mainly heart and lungs) all had to be significantly increased in both size and efficiency to account for the extra strain that servicing such an enormous body places on them.
If I could have figured out a way to further fortify the extremities of his circulatory system without impeding their permeability, I probably could have got him another half a metre or so taller!
My old professor could definitely have done it but… something tells me the smug little French hermaphrodite wouldn’t have gone for such a project… even absent the wider context of everything Bastion stands for(!)
From his neck down, he wears a thick, regal looking set of enamelled, durasteel plate armour, trimmed with golden accents.
From his shoulders flows a cape, in the same stark white and gold.
Atop his head perches a crown with tall, angular palisades, embossed with geometric lines of gold and with a 6cm wide, table cut diamond of flawless clarity, sitting over his bushy black eyebrows.
In his right hand he holds the handle of a 20kg plasmasword with a 2m long, durasteel blade (the only part of his ensemble where the durasteel isn’t covered with a glossy white layer of enamel.)
The *boom*s of (probably getting on for) 400kg of man and durasteel meeting the floor, with each of his footfalls, utterly fill the room with reverberation.
Looking at my greatest achievement, it’s difficult to picture the man he was when I first met him; the 175cm tall, 70kg lean little New Coloradoan Colonel, Cyrus ‘Hannibal’ Postlethwaite, who’d been put in charge of organising the Terran Werewolf Programme. Stay-behind divisions, meant to cause chaos behind enemy lines after they’d been passed over.
That programme ended up sidelined long before the end of the War, after it became clear that there wasn’t going to be a significant expansion in our occupation.
When he realised the flaccid half-victory the Terran governments were going to settle for, this man used the authority he still had to take the Werewolf Programme and turn it into the Revanchists.
After the Betrayal, it took years for me to transform that scrawny Colonel into a Godking… but it was so worth it!
The clear awe he inspires in any lazarites seeing him up close for the first time is priceless!
He looks like a man to whom the title ‘Emperor of the Terrans’ belongs!
When we found our way here, we negotiated with the local clan leaders to permit us to stay, with the promise that they can ride our coattails to a position of galactic domination alongside us… A promise we have little intention of actually honouring, not that we can let them know that(!)
Most of the planet’s native populace don’t even know we’re here, the crater our city is in having a rather generous no-fly zone extending into the deserts around it, for those odd flights that would otherwise take locals from one side of the habitable zone to the other, over us.
At this point, my King sits on his outsized throne, slinging his cape to fall over the right arm, his right hand resting on the guard of his enormous leafblade sword (that’s tip adds another little gouge to the collection in the floor, on my side of that seat.)
His left hand reaches to between Artazostre’s ears to stroke through her snow white fur.
The giant gives a ferocious grin around the table, exposing the thumbnail sized teeth I gave him, and speaks “Dearest friends! Nobles!… Terrans!… I’m certain you must be wondering why you were summoned here on such short notice!” in an affected midAtlantic accent.
No one answers.
We all know better than to interrupt Cyrus when he’s speaking…
“Well…” he booms “…I shan’t keep you waiting! I’m told by Barron Parr, over there, that a very… distressing video has been released onto the galnet recently… which he learned of after one of his subordinates was sent it by a lazarite… It, somehow, managed to slip our censorship and make it onto. Bastion’s. intranet!”
He lets his words sit… outwardly smiling but clearly not happy!
“Now…” he continues “…I’m sure everyone bar the good Barron is wondering what in Terra’s name could have been in this video… so I shall hand you over to him to explain.”
The tall, well built, blond, Nova Britannian Guardcaptain, Barron Harold ‘Saxon’ Parr, stands and clears his throat “*ehem*…Thank you, Your Majesty…” before turning to address the rest of us “…As King Cyrus says; earlier today, one of my guardsmen was sent this video by a lazarite acquaintance from the lower city. He had the wherewithal to immediately bring it to my attention. We deleted the video and tracked down the owners of any device that had accessed it… Fortunately, that wasn’t many… We quickly managed to arrest the 27 individuals who’s devices had been used to view it and are questioning them, now, with regards to who else they might have shown it or told about it… We’re fairly confident we’ll have them all in hand soon… The content of the video is one Kara Stellan, positively identified as one of the operatives assigned to the crew of the Vulture, the ship belonging to our assassin Jackson ‘Scout’ Stetter (also known as Death) at the time he was apprehended… It appears that Ms Stellan has been made… aware of her nature as a lazarite… This video is performing exactly as it was intended to… The traitors are using this girl as a propaganda piece, attempting to foment a lazarite rebellion against our rule…”
Many of the other Councillors mutter to eachother at that, clearly disturbed.
I’m quite disturbed myself!
The lazarites becoming aware of the Lazarus Programme?… It’s a potential worst case scenario!
We could lose everything…
Avoiding this exact eventuality was one of the strongest arguments against keeping the lazarites’ nature from them in the first place!
We could have openly and honestly told them what they were and how they came to be here!
We just decided that the propagandic value of the ‘you were orphaned and we took you in and raised you’ angle was just too great to ignore (when compared to the, far less compelling, ‘you were a casualty we brought back to life to serve as a labourer and footsoldier to us’!)
Not even mentioning the way them not being born naturally undermines our position on the primitives!
“I’ll play you the video now…” states Parr, raising a screen from the centre of the table.
A woman appears.
Her voluminously curly hair is a vivid red and her eyes are a bright emerald green.
She wears comfortable looking clothing and sits in a room that’s daubed in therapeutic blues.
“Hi… my name is Kara Stellan and I’m speaking to you from a medium security women’s prison… at a location I won’t divulge… I was raised on a planet called ‘Bastion’, ruled by a terrorist organisation who call themselves the ‘Revanchists’…” she starts, speaking in a lazarite accent, quite similar to the way the Starborn tend to speak.
“…I say ‘raised’ because I don’t know if I was actually born there… Actually, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t, if for no other reason than I probably wasn’t born full stop!… I probably came out of a tube… I’m not a naturalborn Human… I’m a clone of this woman who you should be seeing on screen beside me right now…” the same face (with a clearly very different personality behind it) appears beside the speaker in a Wartime photo “…Her name was Esme Taylor… She was born ‘Esme Reid’, on Earth, on the 31st of October, 2664, and died on New Australia, on the 1st of January, 2686, at the age of 21… At 27… I’ve already lived longer than she ever did…”
If her sample was collected on my homeworld, there’s a not insignificant chance I did it myself!
I was back there in the last year of the War, one of about 200 or so Revanchists, laying the groundwork for the Lazarus programme.
“…She died heroically, at the Battle of the Murnma Gorge, crushed by collapsing rubble when her battalion refused to yield to the army of War King Vlixrothju… and were shelled…”
Ah… odds of me having been the one to put the swab in this woman’s mouth just jumped from less than 1:200… to a little more than 1:6… I was there with five others and, as I recall, none of them worked as fast as I did.
I may be confabulating it but I feel like I might even remember that vivid red hair on one of the mottled corpses…?
“Now… you might be wondering how I know this! Well, that would be because, when I was arrested, it was by her son… Victor ‘Cuddles’ Taylor…”
Scowls and scoffs emanate from every councillor at the mention of that posterboy for everything wrong with postWar Terrans!
Heedless of our reaction, the prerecorded girl continues “…he recognised me… convinced me to get a DNA test… a test which proved I’m not her… Someone took her genes, edited out all the bits they didn’t like and grew me in a tube before handing me off to an orphanage on Bastion… to live the next 26 years thinking I was a War orphan and that subH… that gardenworlders had killed my parents!… Now, if you’re watching this on Bastion (and I really hope you are) I just want you to know that, unless you actually remember the War… there’s a good chance you’re like me! A clone! Made as nothing more than livestock! Meant to be moulded into the ones who made you’s idea of a perfect little Terran(!) They don’t care about you! They never did!… I know you probably want to call me a liar right now! Hell! If someone had told me all of this last year, I’d’ve called them a liar, for sure!… But I’m not lying!… They lied!… They lied to you about everything! The galaxy isn’t like they said… That’s something it didn’t take me learning I was a clone to notice(!)… They said the Terran government was subverted by traitors but, if anyone, they’re the traitors!… They’re the ones who went against the majority of Terrans’ will for Peace and started plotting to take over the galaxy to revenge themselves for the past! They’re the ones who wasted time and resources skulking around battlefields, stealing DNA to make us, instead of helping out while the War was still happening! They’re the ones lying! Not me!… I am begging you: Stop listening to their lies! Stop doing as they say! Rise up and demand to know the truth!… Escape, if you can! Though, I know that’s easier said than done… If you can surrender yourself to Terran forces somewhere, they’ll protect you!… I know Bastion and the Revanchists don’t have anything like the resources to take them head on!” she sits back and folds her arms “Now, to anyone not from Bastion who wants to do their part to take down an organisation of slaving terrorists, this is all the information I can give you; Bastion is a planet, somewhere in the middle rim of the galaxy… the part of it I’m from is a desert where it averages around 50°C and it’s always daytime. I don’t know what the dark side of the planet looks like. The city of Bastion is situated in a large meteor impact crater, about 10km in diameter, with a prominent rebound peak at it’s centre. The city houses around 16 million Humans and about half as many enslaved gardenworlders (though, I’m guessing that number varies up or down depending on how recently fresh shipments of them have arrived… There’s a fairly high rate of attrition!)… The planet’s gravity is naturally a little lower than Earth Standard, I’d say about 0.75G? 1.6 Galactic Standard? 1.65 maybe?… That’s more or less everything I can tell you about it… I wish I could give you more to go on but, for obvious reasons, they don’t trust most people who live there to know exactly where in the galaxy it is, much less give us access to ships that could take us on and off world!… All I can say is, it took me about 4 months to get from there to Citadel but I wasn’t driving or allowed to look at any navigation for the first 3 of those months, so I have no idea how circuitous the route they took was… I know it’s a big galaxy but, hopefully, a lot of people see this and, hopefully, someone gets an idea about where Bastion is! If you think that someone is you, please… call the holocom hotline that should be linked on screen now! Let the Terran authorities know… even if it’s just a hunch… Though, I have also been asked to say; if you think you know where Bastion is, please don’t go looking for it yourself!… If you’re right, you may not come back!”
Parr stops the video there.
“As you can see, this video represents a grave threat to our security; external and internal… In terms of small mercies; we have the fact that our information control worked… She wasn’t able to give a full accounting of this planet, crucially leaving out the fact that it’s also home to a species of subHumans… Their renowned isolationism should protect us from too much scrutiny. On the other hand, she’s managed to give our proximity to the galactic core, our climate and the fact that we’re on the sunward side of a tidally locked planet!… That’s a lot of breadcrumbs, considering how close our nearest Terran neighbours are! And then, of course, there’s the revelation of the Lazarus Programme… if 3 out of every 4 people in this city learn that they’re not naturalborn and most of the remainder learn that all those ‘War orphans’ weren’t, it stands to be massively destabilising to our ability to govern!”
“A thorny issue indeed, Barron Parr… I commend you and the guards for catching it so quickly… even if that praise must be tempered by the fact that something like this made it onto our intranet in the first place(!)” observes Cyrus with an unreadable smile “Now… on to the question of what to do with all those who’ve already seen that video… Duke Chandler…?” his head lolls to me, lazily “…the Lazarus Program is your baby… What do you suggest?”
Acting unperturbed I turn to Parr and ask “How many of the ones you’ve arrested so far were lazarites?”
He checks his notes on his holo before answering “22 of the 27.”
“Anyone irreplaceable?” I follow up.
“Not particularly.” he shrugs.
“Hmmm… if it were one or two people who’d seen it, I’d say send them to me and I’d just wipe their memories… a city this size, a handful of people turning up a bit addled around the same time would likely go under the radar… but, with so many, I don’t think it would be possible to release them slowly enough not to get people asking questions, one way or another… I think… if anyone irreplaceable turns up, just swear them to secrecy and put them on the surveillance list for the next few years… For the rest of them, I don’t see anything to do but dispose of them and tell those that ask that they were executed for subversion.”
“Agreed.” smiles Cyrus.
“I’ll see that it’s done, Your Majesty.” acknowledges Parr.
“WHAT!?” cries the horrified voice of one not sat at the table.
Every eye in the room turns to look at the guardsman who just spoke, stood over by the wall.
“You’re just going to kill them!?” he asks, dismayed “They’ve done nothing wrong! Why not just wipe their memories and say it was a chemical leak at the jail or something!?”
I look from the idiot guard to Cyrus and see him fixing the poor boy with a long, hard stare…
I wince at what I know is about to happen.
Cyrus lifts his enormous bulk from his throne and lays his gargantuan sword across its arms.
“Stay, Arta…” he calmly orders the sabretooth making to follow him, without looking at her.
Smiling sweetly, he walks behind my chair and over to where the guardsman who just questioned him is.
Looking down on the boy (who I hadn’t noticed until he spoke out of turn) like a father about to impart a serious life lesson, Cyrus smiles “Take off your helmet, son… let me see your face.”
The boy hesitates a moment before transferring his plasmaspear to his shield hand to pull off the fine Kingsguard helm before placing it down on the floor by his feet.
“What’s your name, son?” smiles the King with all the outward, genial sweetness of a kindly uncle.
“K-Kingsguard Shaun Ossino, Your Majesty.” he stammers, visibly unnerved by the mountain of man looking down at him.
“And… how long have you been a Kingsguard, Shaun?” he smiles, leaning down conspiratorially, like he and the boy are sharing secrets.
“About s-six months now, Your Majesty.”
“Is that right?” Cyrus patronises “And… I know you’ve not spoken up at me like you just did before… So, please… tell me why you are now?”
A little desperately, the boy says “I-it… it’s not right, Your Majesty!… They may be clones but they’re still Humans!… They didn’t know what they were doing when they opened that video! Why not just wipe them an come up with an explanation plausible enough that anyone who questions it gets brushed off as a conspiracy theorist?… It’s no less likely to get people talking than that many people all being executed for subversion at once!”
Cyrus’s luminous eyes were closed and his beard wagged up and down in a sagely nod as he listened to the boy’s yammering.
He opens them to once more look into his guardsman’s eyes and ask “Tell me, Shaun… do you know what a ‘sacrifice’ is?”
Dolefully, the boy answers “Yes… Your Majesty… I know…”
“Good…!” Cyrus beams “…because our path to claim Humanity’s birthright will require many!”
The guardsman’s brow twists in dismay.
“Oh… *tsk**tsk**tsk**tsk*!” Cyrus tuts, feigning consolation “…so full of mercy, Shaun!… Unfortunately, unlike you, I’ve got no mercy left to give… Now… I want you to repeat after me; ‘ruthlessness is mercy on ourselves’… Can you do that for me?”
“R-ruthlessness is mercy on ourselves… Your Majesty.”
Beaming the last sunny smile this boy is ever going to see, Cyrus says “Good boy!” before slamming the unhelmeted head into the white stone wall behind him with a sickening *crack*, hard enough to kill him instantly.
The guardsman’s body crumples limply to the ground, revealing a bloodsplattered chunk of masonry missing from the wall, as his spear clatters down beside him.
“*tsk*…Such a waste!…” laments Cyrus before rounding on Parr and jabbing a thick finger to the body, saying “…I want that armor cleaned up and put on someone with a spine in their back and a brain in their skull by the end of the week, Parr!”
“It will be done, Your Majesty…” answers Parr, averting his wide eyes down to the table, clearly realising how his subordinate’s idiocy just burned through any good will he might have earned by taking care of the censorship lapse.
Cyrus strides back to the throne at my left, picking up his sword and sitting back down, placing his left hand back between Artazostre’s ears.
“So… Stoker…” he barks at Circe’s hologram opposite me, all pretence of joviality evaporated “…do you think you can track down the prison this Stellan woman is being held at?”
“Yes, Your Majesty, quite easily, but I would strongly advise against dispatching her.” smiles the uncanny face of the woman, seeming perfectly at ease.
“Oh?… Not for mercy’s sake, surely?!” he growls, gesturing over to the body on the floor to demonstrate what his likely reaction would be to such talk.
She closes her eyes and shakes her head, still wearing that creepy smile, and softly says “Not at all. My reasoning is very much pragmatic, Your Majesty.”
“Then explain it.” orders Cyrus, simply.
“Well, right now, the majority of those outside Bastion who see that video have little reason to take her seriously and little reason to care. If we break into that prison to kill her, all that we’ll achieve is making her story ×100 higher profile and ×100 as credible. The traitors also won’t have released that video until after they were confident they had everything useful out of her. There’s no point in spending energy to lock a stable door when the horse bolted so long ago…” she explains with effortless grace.
Cyrus studies her for a moment before cracking a smile and saying “And that’s why you’re my Mistress of Whispers, Stoker!” apparently satisfied “Let her languish into obscurity then!”
Circe smirks and, in her sensuous half whisper, says “You’re too kind to me, Your Majesty… While we are all gathered here, I myself have some intelligence to relay from Citadel?”
He extends his hand to her and says “Please, Duchess… Good news I hope!”
The dollish features of the face I gave her perform a complicated dance before she answers “Some bad news first, I’m afraid… While I was playing with one of my little toys from the UTCIS earlier today, he told me that Jackson ‘Scout’ Stetter is dead…”
Cyrus sighs “*hhhhhhh*…Well… that’s disappointing… he was a reliable agent until he went chasing after that white whale of his!… But I had sort of already written him off when he failed to make contact after his break out.”
“But, Your Majesty… those weren’t the only sweet nothings my little plaything whispered to me… I think I may have a potential solution for our durasteel problem!”
Cyrus sits bolt upright, as do I, as does half the room!
Our inability to make durasteel with the limited resources on this planet (restricting us only to what we originally brought here and the small amount we can smuggle in) is one of Bastion’s longest running bugbears!
“You have my full attention, Circe!” says Cyrus “Tell me what you need!”
She smiles and bats her (too large) eyes before answering “Actually, Your Majesty, while I appreciate it… the one who needs to be saying that right now isn’t you…” she extends her hand across the table and pouts “…It’s the unrequited love of my life just there(!)”
I frown and splay my fingertips against my chest, cocking my eyebrow quizzically before asking “Me, Circe?… What could I have to do with solving the durasteel problem?”
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Tip me on Ko-Fi.
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Previous Next First
Discord
Dramatis Personae

Up until recently (a couple weeks ago), my only experience with fragrances has been nautica voyage (lol) and an aventus clone I picked up from Amazon (Musky Oakmoss by Dossier, strongly recommend, I have no idea what Aventus actually smells like, but this smells really good and performs amazing for a $50 cologne/perfume). This is mostly a money issue, as I'm a college student, but I decided it wouldn't hurt to try some samples and see how I like them. Here are my thoughts on them.
Orto Parisi Megamare:
This performs very well, lasts long, and has a mostly good profile, however the musk is completely overpowering at times. Typically it mixes well with the other scents, but at some points I would catch a whiff of it and thought someone around me had an awful strong musk, only to realize it was megamare. Overall I wouldn't buy a full bottle of this, not what I'd look for in an aquatic fragrance, and it doesn't really feel like it would fit summer.
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Tom Ford Tobacco Vanile:
I only god a 1 ml of this, and it didn't have an atomizer, so I can't speak well about how it performs since I basically had to spritz it on with the little stick that was connected to the cap. However, this does smell great, but just purely out of personal preference, it's not a smell I like, or would like to smell. So I don't really want to give any review on it.
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Le Labo another 13:
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Another 1ml bottle, so I won't speak on performance or anything like that*, however, it is a very nice smell. It's fresh, a soapy like smell. I think this would be a great summer fragrance, not sure if that's a common take, but it really is just great. However, I'd like to strongly note that I accidently spilled a shit ton of it on myself (relatively speaking of course), and it really is *not* a strong scent. I still barely smelt it coming off of myself, however I did still smell it somewhat several hours later.
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Le Labo Noir 29
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First one that really blew me away. At first I wasn't a fan, but the second time I wore it I was blown away. It smells like how noir movies make you feel. I walked outside in a storm with this on and I felt like a goddamn movie character. Performance and lasting are both great, randomly wore this to the gym the same day the storm happened, after being wet, then working out, then walking back, and then hours later I still smelled it on myself.
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This is how I imagine the moth by zoologist smells.
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Molecule no 1.
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This was very random, and at first I hated it because I didn't smell anything unless I basically put my nose to my skin, where it just smelled like formaldehyde. However, as if it were magic, the second time I sprayed it, I was greeted with an amazing light woody scent. With the help of the internet I found it was great for layering, and it is. I layered it with the aventus clone, as it felt right, and it just made the mossy oakmoss smell more complex, really felt like I was wearing a much more expensive cologne, but it was a mix of a $50 clone and an $8 (iirc?) sample lmao
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Nassomato Baraonda:
Best thing I've ever smelt. It's boozy vanilla goodness, performs amazing, lasts forever. Definitely out of season (would be amazing in fall and winter), but damn this is probably something I'll buy the full bottle for.
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Anyway that was my shitty extemporaneous review. Hope I don't make anyone mad with this lmao

First Previous Wiki
Diplomat Orith stood up fully before executing a low bow despite the limitations of the virtual reality. Before him stood three figures. One of them was the Lead Diplomat, and the others were people even children would know.
Heptarchs.
"I greet you warmly, Heptarchs," Orith said, not using their names though he knew them by heart. "I overflow with pleasure and joy at the grace of your pristine presences."
"You should work on your greeting, Orith," Heptarch Mi'lon chided. Orith withdrew his eyestalks, performing another bow of apology.
"But there is no harm in it. You are merely a Diplomat, after all, and this is your first time meeting any of us in person, as much as that can be said for a virtual reality. Now, the Lead Diplomat here has told us of your exploits. You have pursued a laughably belligerent policy with the Sol Alliance. May I know why?"
"Because that is what I was ordered to do, Heptarch," Orith responded smoothly, calming himself and purging his fear.
"Yes, that is good," Mi'lon said. "Yes. You were ordered to see whether the Alliance would respond to blatant provocations, and the Lead Diplomat was able to gain concessions from them as a consequence."
"Concessions?"
"Is that not what you believe happened?"
"I am not of the opinion that the Alliance thinks they have conceded anything. You negotatiated with Phoebe, correct?" He turned to the Lead Diplomat, who looked to the other Heptarch.
"Go ahead and answer him," Heptarch Tawa said.
"I did," the Lead Diplomat replied.
"And she likely offered resources, which are likely easy for the Alliance to produce. I do not think that they see it as a concession, but as a bribe to prevent us from interfering in the war between the Cawlarians and King Siran."
"That is my assessment as well," Mi'lon replied. "I am glad you have come to it. With that in mind, do you think the Alliance would declare war on us?"
"They are mentally weak," Orith replied. "They cannot see what needs to be done, or they do so rarely. It is likely only Phoebe or the hivemind we would have to consider. If we anger the hivemind, it may rouse enough voices to start an invasion. But it would take a lot for that to even happen at all. As long as we do not commit any acts of war against them, or attack the Cawlarians with too devastating a force, then we can move around them."
"What do you think, Heptarch Tawa?" Mi'lon asked.
"I think my orders still must stand. We cannot allow the Alliance as it stands to remain a rising power. They allow the scourge of spirituality in their halls, without opposition except for matters of law and justice."
"That is quite distasteful," Mi'lon agreed. "But it is possible that they may come around with AIs in their empire. Plus, we can show them our continued displeasure, and with the Cawlarians growing wary of their influence, we will serve as an out when the inevitable exclusion happens. We can get them to bend to our desires, but it will require time. We also will need to establish certain operations, it seems. I will discuss that with you later, Tawa."
"With me and likely two other Heptarchs. The ones that would care, at least."
Mi'lon let out a short chuckle of amusement before his eyestalks again turned to Orith. Now that it was no longer necessary, Orith resisted the urge to bow again. If he looked too deferential, it could cause problems for him. Corruption wasn't tolerated in the Heptarchies at all. Orith waited for Mi'lon to direct him to continue.
"I also suggest that after conducting tests on the Alliance's early warning capabilities, that we begin to make more aggressive measures around the war. If Siran turns back to our territory, we can gradually raise the pressure, and figure out what it would take for them to turn back. All the while, we can get our ships in place to possibly take prisoners. If we are able to do that, we open the door to many possibilities. Experimentation, exchanges for goods and services, or blackmail. I suggest looking into a way to abduct Annabelle Weber, if we can."
"The Fleet Commander, in a dreadnaught?" Tawa asked. "That is quite bold. I like it. But not without a sound strategy. We will make nothing of this unless they give us the opportunity. There may be some spies amongst the lower ranks, and I will not have our designs leaked so early."
Mi'lon looked at Tawa again before waving his eyestalks. "We should also exploit their AIs."
"Yes," Tawa said. "Diplomat Orith I order you to open up conversations with Edu'frec. Lead Diplomat, remain with Phoebe. We may be able to open rifts in their unity by only recognizing the AIs, instead of the biological beings in their Alliance. Our sources suggest there is significant tension in their ranks over some unspecified event, which may be related to the Sprilnav's announcement."
"Shall I find the cause of that, as well?" asked Orith.
"No. We will circle around the sides before going in for the kill."
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Justicar World News Network Reporter Perishaut 1594 crawled over the wreckage with her team, moving closer to the object of her documentary. She grunted with the effort, and a broken piece of metal scratched at her anti-toxin suit. Smoke and dust fell from all over, though now the firefighting fleets were out in force, purging the remaining fires section by section.
The recovery efforts had been abandoned by all but one single person. And Perishaut was here to see her. Past a mountain of rubble, and between five more, an alien clambered over the remains of a fifth-floor stairway. The massive skeleton of a skyscraper loomed overhead. With a loud creak, the metal groaned, twisted, and snapped.
Girders heavy enough to smash through a personal shield and mulch someone entirely fell down, tumbling closer and closer to the human... and then they disappeared. Her camera drones caught it, too. She was streaming her footage live as well, though she'd edit it properly when she got back home.
But getting a piece of the biggest story on the planet was worth being out here. The alien's eyes turned toward Perishaut when she managed to crest another closer mountain of rubble. Only now, seven Sprilnav were floating above Penny, grave injuries healing as she watched. A few of them were still covered in the firefighting foam, which fell off of them and also disappeared into an unknown location.
Perishaut finally reached her. She stepped onto the uneven and broken concrete pavement, avoiding corpses and skeletons as she moved. Her camera drones whizzed around her, capturing the area and all of the scenery there was to record. The mournful silence of it all. The devastation, with the tips of skyscrapers peeking out from behind the city shields that lay beyond. Clouds of ash and smoke that only continued to hover, trapped within the shield.
And there, a single alien, clad in a dirty black jumpsuit, picked through it all with psychic power, as well as her own hands when she deigned to. Her grey hair framed her forlorn expression and hid her neck as it fell to her shoulders. The ash around her seemed to swirl as it came close as if it was unwilling to approach her directly. Perhaps that showed the human's attitude, but a story was a story. And she was sure that the alien wouldn't kill her while she was streaming live to her viewers.
"Hello," Perishaut said, performing a respectful curtsy as she hoped the alien had a translator with her. "I am Perishaut 1594, a reporter from the Justicar World News Network."
"Greetings, reporter," Penny replied. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"
"How is my visit pleasurable?"
She wanted to see whether Penny actually thought so or was just making a typical greeting.
"You help to break up the monotony of misery and suffering I've been seeing for the past few hours. It's nice to see some life here that's willing, and not buried under a dangerous amount of weight or horribly injured."
"Ah," she replied. "So it is the fact that I am alive that makes my visit pleasing?"
"I suppose," Penny responded. "As much as anyone can feel pleasure in this place."
"How do you feel about the people responsible for this attack?"
"I feel hostile toward them," Penny said. "But only toward those whose blame has evidence behind it. I don't blame people without cause."
"So you don't think Yasihaut did this, then?"
"I think it is possible," Penny replied. "It's also possible that the gangs did this to strike at me. Either way, I am upset, but my anger will do nothing productive, so I have done my best to put it aside. And given that you have asked me some questions and I have answered them, how about I ask you a few?"
"That is acceptable."
"Alright."
"What made you decide to interview me?"
"Because you're an alien, who's going out of her way to help the Sprilnav. We've been told that you all hate us, so it's odd to see."
"There are those who feel that way. But I am no longer one of them. I ascribe to the view that all people deserve a chance to prove who they are, no matter which species they are. I don't think it's right to hate anyone because of what they are born as."
"And how would you feel if the Judgment wasn't coming up?"
"Differently, but not for the reason you think," Penny said. "Because I would not be here, seeing the culture and realism of people who I have only been told stories of, and not actually seen directly. We normally don't get normal Sprilnav outside your territory. It's all Elders, who can be a little intense. But hatred? I see no need for that."
"The Elders rule us," Perishaut said. "Do you hate all of them?"
"Not all of them, no. I have been shown a different path. There are many Elders who have been a part of antagonistic behavior to the galaxy at large. But there are also many who have not. Elders who remain in their star systems, eating and sleeping and drinking as they wish, but not being actively malicious."
"Such as Elder Kashaunta?"
"Kashaunta is... complicated," Penny said, nervousness clear on her face now.
"It would be difficult for me to say how I feel about her. We differ in opinion on many topics, yet I would still count her as a friend, and not just a business partner. And I'm aware of her complicated history, and I also do not condone the worst portions of it. But there is a point where one must move toward peace to have peace. We don't want war. Nor should anyone want that. But being peaceful should not be equated with being powerless. You can only be peaceful if you also have the ability not to be. Otherwise, you are not peaceful; you are pitiful. I don't go out of my way to cause suffering, though I have caused more than I should have. I have made my mistakes, and am not perfect. Some people build me up as some sort of hero, but I'm not heroic. I fight for selfish desires, and put the people I love on a high pedestal. But I do not believe I am a bad person, either. I don't know if I can declare anyone as good or bad, without knowing myself. Well, except a few people."
"Who are?"
"Certain individuals I'd rather not name," Penny said. "I know you're digging for a story, but I don't want to make things worse."
"Your feuds with the Everlasting, Progenitor Twilight, and Yasihaut are public."
"I only actively pursue one of those. But yes, I do hold grudges. That's part of life."
"Do you think you were wrong to attack the 85th Grand Fleet?"
"I do not, because I was saving my father."
"People were hurt."
"Yes. That happens in battles. They were trying to kill me, with lasers and guns and swords, in close quarters, and I broke bones in return, and did some teleporting. I hardly think that makes me evil, or even bad, considering I was trying to rescue my father, Elder Nilnacrawla, who they had directly kidnapped."
"Your father is an Elder?"
"He is my adoptive father," Penny replied. "My mentor, friend, and yes, my father, though obviously not biological. My biological parents are dead. It was a mutual decision for us to adopt, if you are concerned about that. And I was over double my species' age of majority when we made that decision, because I'm capable of making those decisions as an adult. I believe adoption is a practice common on many worlds in this area, as well."
"Yes. But you have not had problems with him?"
"Not many," Penny said. "And if I did, would it matter? Would it enhance your video to hear my family business, merely because there is an interspecies aspect? I doubt it."
"There is no need to be defensive."
"People do that when you pry into personal matters. He is my family, and nothing else about us should interest you."
"There are things that differ in our cultures," Perishaut said. "So they do have higher levels of interest. One of those things is that despite your power, you have no evidence of having a mate. Why is that?"
"That is also a highly invasive question," Penny said. "The answer is simple, though, and luckily for you, I am willing to give it."
Penny paused as if waiting for something. More Sprilnav appeared above her and were taken away by medical crews.
"Yes?" Perishaut asked awkwardly.
"Yes."
"So... what is the answer, then?"
"It may be quite shocking," Penny warned.
"I think I can handle it."
"Well... I just don't feel like it."
"That's it?"
"Were you expecting a trauma-laden backstory?"
"Kind-of, yeah."
"Alright. You see, I was born at a very young age. My parents died at a slightly older age, and I eventually grew up, went out into the world, went to school, made some incredibly stupid decisions, learned from them, did the same, and learned from those. Repeat and repeat, until I find Nilnacrawla, Yasihaut tortures me, and I gain psychic and conceptual power on a massive scale. And now I am here, on Justicar, walking through the wreckage of a city because some people couldn't accept that I wanted to free their enslaved subjects."
"Are you mocking me?"
"Not at all. I'm being as serious as the situation demands," Penny said. "You have burrowed into my personal life with invasive questions, tried to see if I have trauma of some kind, and are doing so to a live audience in the hopes I slip up. And look, we have reporters back home, too. I respect the grind. Just not when the grind is an axe, and is about to be swung at me. I've saved a few hundred thousand lives since I've landed back here. I really hope you're not trying to paint me as a villain."
"But would you agree that freeing the slaves caused this to happen?"
"Yes, I would," Penny said. "And though such a comment is quite disgusting to say, especially among this very graveyard, it makes sense. But freeing slaves is not bad because some people don't like that. Humanity went to war over slavery in various ways and forms, and oppression in countless more. And I happen to think that oppression, and slavery in particular, are bad. So I will dismantle slavery when and where I see it. And if people don't like that? Too bad. Don't be a slaver. Your society has mass android production. There is zero economic reason you even need slavery besides sadism. So even that worn-out and dumb argument is moot here. I am anti-slavery, and I will not be villified for it."
"The different is cultural."
"Slavery is not a part of your 'cultural heritage' at all. And if you think so, maybe you should re-examine the morality of your society. I do not believe the Elders deserve such a fate, not even Yasihaut. Slavery is an evil I will purge from this entire galaxy if I must, and I will do it happily. Slavers should get bullets, but I'm being merciful by sending them to jail instead."
"Murder is wrong."
"The slavers kill thousands of slaves and set up the conditions for millions to suffer and die all across the galaxy. Would you like to ask the people I have freed if the slavers deserve to die? I can assure you, killing slavers will be a part of their cultural heritage quite soon, if I allow it. I do not know if you came here to get a rise out of me, or to paint me as some evil monster. But there will be no slavery when I finish. I will destroy the gangs if I must. How else would I live up to my name, if I were to let such injustices rest, on a world named after Justicar? I am the Liberator, and that is what I will do. I will stand against a thousand dreadnaughts if I must, and I will be victorious."
Penny vanished. Perishaut took a peek at the comments on her video. They were being swarmed, mostly by people who agreed with Penny. Well, probably half of them were not actually real. The race between AI and bots was eternal.
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Grand Fleet Commander Valisada donned his uniform once again. The center wrapped around his stomach, securing it to him tightly. His skin glimmered from the lotion he'd applied to it, and he'd taken in extra psychic energy to appear even more youthful. With a slight shining of his claws and jaws, Valisada used his implant to look through five mirrors at once. They all showed him in an equally splendid light.
He'd managed to get almost everything he needed across. Given the topic of the event, he also donned a more traditional garment. It was a blue headdress, which would fall back between his ears to his lower neck, hanging down on either side of it. Several servants came through the room to eye him critically before giving him clacks of their jaws to show that they thought he was presentable.
Of course, the servants weren't what they appeared. Very few things so close to him now were. Azeri's faults had been many, and Valisada strove to rectify them wherever he could. One of those was inferior androids. Valisada himself wore an exoskeleton, which would become a full spacesuit upon his entrance to space.
But it also came with heavy conceptual protection, and even a black hole survival kit. Though it was more of a 'survive until a Progenitor fetches you' sort of kit. Breaking the event horizon of a black hole was too difficult to be worth it, and getting anything out was essentially impossible, even after accounting for ergosphere physics.
Only Progenitors, or beings equal or greater to them, could really hope to deal with black holes. And Penny could generate them on some scale. Though his gear likely wouldn't help if she generated a smaller one with the mass of a planet. It was wildly outside her known capabilities, but that was what he planned for. Heavier conceptual protection, more psychic energy, and mental fortification, and even a state-of-the-art mindscape blocker device.
Theoretically, it could totally isolate a region from the mindscape. Practically, it could only be used in a flagship or dreadnaught and only against the lower layers. It was the sort of device with ancient blueprints, though maintenance was so expensive it hadn't been worth it until a certain human had made the cost-benefit analysis move a little to the right.
Valisada didn't know how to think of Penny yet. He felt no disdain for her species, though he disliked her youth. She was far too young to be interfering in any sort of galactic affairs. She had no concept for the ramifications of her events since she had not lived long enough to know them. It wasn't a fault of her mindset, but of her simple age.
And now that they were meeting, he would gain more insight as to her thought process. It would not be immensely helpful in building a profile for Humanity. A sample size of one was never good, especially when hiveminds got involved. Since Penny wasn't connected to the hivemind right now, she was of little use for mental analysis.
Her baseline was what interested him. Could other humans manifest that conceptual power, using the pure strength of their will and determination to bend reality? Stranger phenomena had occurred. Valisada knew about the Ether the hivemind could harness, just as he knew the Source resided in Earth's physical location. Monitoring devices confirmed that every single pulse. The city the hivemind had built caused a little interference, but Valisada had sent teams of specialists to check up on those. Another responsibility that shouldn't have been his, but for the negligence of his predecessors.
It tarnished the species' image to be so lazy and lax with their defenses. Valisada would not let that stand. He strode into the virtual reality room, floating into the air with psychic power snapping into place all around him. Thick shields followed, isolating him in a sphere of pure blue. His implant placed visions over his eyes, and soon, he was standing in a holographic wasteland.
Dead Sprilnav were scattered about; impaled on broken tree branches, lying on cracked floors, and even burnt and bleeding in a rough circle around the green table resting on the soot-covered sand of a beach. The ocean was grey, filled with ash, and the setting sun remained locked in place, orange rays tinting the land with a fell glow. Yellow and orange clouds floated high overhead, reflecting onto four glassy chairs.
Three of the chairs were or normal length, with the typical cushion and all. The fourth, opposite from Valisada, had the same four legs, but was square instead of rectangular, and had a back which sat up to support a bipedal resting posture.
Penny appeared with Kashaunta beside her. The human was wearing what passed for formal clothing among her species. A white shirt, black pants, and a black vest aligned neatly with her arms, shoulders, and chest. A blue piece of cloth hung from her collar before vanishing under the vest.
Kashaunta was wearing battle gear with a thick dress beneath it. Her head was heavy with jewelry, and golden highlights marked her cheeks and jaws.
Justicar appeared next, in full gray armor. He was a normal size, though Valisada knew that it was only due to his wishes. Justicar was hosting the meeting, which was the reason for the violent scenery. Penny had blinked at the corpses, her features settling into a scowl that was pointed Justicar's way. The Elder ignored her anger, his own scowl mirroring hers. But his was directed at Valisada.
Only Kashaunta and Valisada appeared neutral. Whatever Kashaunta felt, she wasn't showing.
"I suppose it is proper as the host of this meeting for me to start the talks," Justicar said. His tone was light but still heavy in some ways. Valisada could almost taste the cold anger wafting forth from him. "I would like to acknowledge the deaths of 455 thousand people, with a death toll that only continues to rise."
Penny bowed her head. The Elders didn't. Valisada didn't take the bait, keeping his gaze level with Justicar's.
"I was aiming today to stave off a war," Valisada said. "I did what I could against Solei. Nothing more could have reasonably come from my efforts."
It was the full truth, which meant Justicar wouldn't be able to handle it. He was always too sensitive about his planet.
"That's it, then? No acknowledgment of the lives lost? Of my citizens being killed? Perhaps even no consideration that this was an act of war upon me and my people?"
Justicar's eyes narrowed.
"I will not be cowed into apologizing for the actions of a fool," Valisada spat. "I don't care for your power politics, and will ignore them and all future attempts at such things. I am here to talk with Kashaunta and Penny. You were meant to be the neutral party."
"A party is generally neutral until attacked-"
"Shut up," Kashaunta said. "Argue later. Do not waste my time with your pitiful arrogance."
"Very well," Justicar said. "I will remember how much my people mattered to you in the future."
Penny looked at Justicar sadly. False empathy, probably. "I'm sorry I couldn't do more, Justicar. I failed you, and them."
"You did, but not nearly as much as certain others did. You care about them, at least. You're a good person."
"None of us are good people," Kashaunta said. "And such platitudes ring empty when you enslave your own kind."
"Enough," Penny said. "I think we should have our discussion. Elder Valisada, it is an honor to meet you."
She bowed her head, though not in a deferential fashion. Kashaunta's eyes glazed over, signifying that she was doing something else instead of watching them with her avatar. Knowing her, it could have been another ploy, but he was willing to grab the lifeline to start the meat of the discussion. And he'd learn a bit more about the current enemy of his people.
Finally, thought Valisada. We can begin.
"I am honored to meet you as well, Champion of Humanity. Tell me, do you know why you deserve that name?"
"Because I'm the strongest human?"
"Because you are Humanity in our eyes. To the Sprilnav, the lower ones as well as the Elders, you are all that matters. It is by virtue of your strength and your accomplishments. And also your character, your mistakes, and all that comes along with you. We see you as a child, inexperienced with the complexities and nuances of war, as well as the sacrifices required.
Your age of a few scant... decades, to use your time units, is an eyeblink to us. You will always be looked down upon for your youth. Yet, you also have potential. You hold Conceptual Cardinality within your bones. You have a speeding space entity, and a strong one, at your side. You have tamed him. And so too have you tamed Elder Nilnacrawla, binding him into a mind bridge when he was once far too prideful for such a thing.
It would be sufficient to say that your story has emerged from that of Humanity, and now risks eclipsing it entirely, as well as the rest of the Alliance. You stand here, the subject of the most dangerous and talked about Judgment in an age, as you look upon beings older than your species. Your planet. Your star. Tell me, Penny Balica, Champion of Humanity and Concept Entity of Cardinality. How would you measure your own worth?"
"By the lives I have saved, and then by those I have cost. Past that, those I have helped, and those I have hurt."
Of course she still didn't understand. Valisada didn't fault her for it, given her age.
"A simple answer, born from a simple mindset. What of those who were altered by your existence? Those who you have affected, but neither in a positive or negative way? Or the people of Justicar, whom you rip conceptual energy from to fuel your budding Liberator title? Would you include them in your measurement?"
"Yes," Penny said. "And now I have a question for you, Elder Valisada. Rest assured, I mean no offense. In the long eons of your life, what are your greatest accomplishments? I would hear of your impact."
"I have had little impact," Valisada admitted. "I was born poor, raised poor, and built my eventual wealth through grit, wit, luck, and determination. I watched the Source crash through my home planet 50 million years after I was born, and 2 million years after that, I watched as the family of artificial intelligence I raised as my children died around me, the universe remaking itself to fit within a reality that no longer included half of the mindscape. And I built my wealth again. It was taken away.
I have killed 320 million people under the orders of the Grand Fleets. I have killed 2 million people by my own free will and choice, though I did not oppose my earlier orders. I remained a Dreadnaught Captain for millennia. Grand Fleet Commanders came and went, retiring or being assassinated over time. I was promoted to the top of the running after Azeri killed the next best four to become the Grand Fleet Commander. But my single greatest accomplishment in my life has been becoming the Grand Fleet Commander of the 85th Grand Fleet.
An accomplishment I only made this soon due to your direct attack on my flagship. There is much more I can say, as my life has been long. But my impact? That does not matter. What matters is how my life has changed me. I look into your eyes and I see the thoughts of others, Penny. I see years of trauma, of hatred, of pain. That burning desire to make the universe better, which my own eyes once held, until I was tempered by the reality of life. Because I have lived long enough to know the truth: there is no hope. So I cast hope away, and focused on greed and envy. Through those, I became a part.
And through deep meditation, a whole lot of drugs, and another few million years, I learned of myself, and the others around us. And what it all truly means, at least to me. Nothing, and everything. My greatest impact has been upon myself, Penny. Because I have spent billions of years in my body, learning and growing as slow as mountains do. Conceptual energy locking my genes. And now, we are here, standing in this virtual reality."
"So you believe that?"
"Mostly. As much as anyone can, I think. But there is a problem. Our futures clash. As do our motives. You wish to destroy the order we have built. As I understand it, your motive lies in the nebulous concept of 'freeing' everyone from misery. The problem with that is simple, and it is why I have brought up my long life in contrast with your short one. It is that solutions like love, respect, and adoration fall away as new generations are born. To borrow an example from your history, Rome once ruled Europe. Now, it is just another ruin, with a new city built atop it. You want to build a new galaxy, Penny. Do you have what that takes?
Can you take it upon yourself to care about and manage more beings than you can properly conceptualize? Can you care about a king of kings equally to an orphan born due to a failed abortion on the streets of a city that stinks of sewage and rot? How do you plan on ensuring that your society filled with a culture of peace, love, and tolerance does not fall to the charisma of evil, security, and safety?
How do you plan to ease the hatred the alien species harbor toward us Sprilnav, and us Elders? What of the Progenitors? Will you kill them all, or risk them going insane and killing more people? And what of the speeding space entities? Will you invade their realm next, subjecting them to the horrors of war because of tales you have heard and a few small areas of abhorrent debauchery and evil?
Your head is filled with ideas, Penny. But they are not your ideas. They are what others have told you. What you require for me to respect you, and what you wish for, is to have a concrete plan. A plan to not only build your galactic empire, but somehow to maintain it without fear. If you do not have that plan, you will fail in the end, and only cause more death once you finish."
"I do not know the answer to that," Penny admitted.
At least she can do that, he thought.
"I do not have those answers. I do ponder those questions, and do what I can to seek them out. But your Grand Fleets are used for ruthless slaughter of innocents. Overturning the galactic order may be too tall a task for the near future, I admit. But that part? Needless killing, the destruction of planets, and sadistic cruelty? That needs to end. The idea of there not being a perfect solution to our problem does not mean we should not seek out a better one."
"So you will be consumed by your idealism, then. You must accept a reality in which death and suffering cannot be ended. There will be war, and it will be needed. In the end, you are a slave to your ideas. Without war, there cannot be peace. All you will do is be a new master. You do not have what it takes."
Penny smiled. "No. I do not have what it takes, and I never will. Because it will always take more effort. I will never be perfect. Even if I become a true concept god, I will make mistakes and learn from them. I will become better. I will not be doing this alone. My species, my Alliance, will stand with me."
"Your Alliance will be broken by the weight of eternity. Whether by our claws or not, Earth will be destroyed, and your shining cities will become blasted ruins upon the rock, just like Rome. You cannot defeat the greatest enemy: Time."
"It is not about defeat," Penny said. "Because in the long dark of eternity, defeat will never be enough. We must make time our ally."
"And how will you do that?"
"By making eternity eternal."
"The universe itself is not built for that."
"Not yet," Penny said. "Speeding space expands, pushing space apart as it goes. That is the nature of what an infinity will do. But I have the answer to that, too. Cardinality. I will not only turn a zero to a one, but an infinity to a one."
"Which you cannot do."
She was being quite lofty with her aspirations. Valisada knew that they were technically possible, but that didn't mean she'd have any measure of success. He'd asked her questions to figure out if she had come back to realism for her plans. If she had, he might have deigned to work with her. But as it stood, only Kashaunta could properly absorb the risks her inane thoughts would pose to the galaxy.
It was hard to topple a regime. It was even harder to build a new one. And it was impossible to ever build a better one. Valisada had watched that play out far too many times in history.
"Not currently. But it is as you said. The way is going to be difficult. Without careful planning, and many dear allies, Rome will burn again. As will Ashurii, Cawlaria, Keem, and Justicar, and every other world that has ever and will ever exist. Why, you might ask, do I deal in idealism, when it has been proven wrong by reality in the past? I will tell you, Elder Valisada, as a gesture of accomodation and respect, as well as a genuine offer for us to not become eventual enemies. I am idealistic because I do not intend to bow to reality."
"I hope you have a better answer for the Judges than that."
Penny smiled at him warmly. "I am prepared for it."
"Good," Justicar said. "The Elders in charge of it are being selected. Now that we are finished with that, I have questions for you, Valisada. I do hope you take the time to answer them to my satisfaction. I require recompense, and you will pay it."
"It will not be as much as you desire."
"Then leave my star system, Grand Fleet Commander."
"No."

First of all, massive shout out to u/AyybrahamLmaocoln for his excellent service. He had my order ready to go in less than 24 hours, and sent me a photo for QC check. The bottles arrived in two short days, securely packaged, no leaks or broken glass, each clearly labeled. The atomizers are of good quality, as I'm sure anyone who has had to suffer through a horrible, sticky, splashy, squirty sample bottle will appreciate. He also added some personal flair to the box, which was a nice touch! Overall, super cool dude, would and will order from him again!
Now on to the fragrances. I have not smelled any of the inspiration fragrances, so I'm judging each of these on their own merit alone. As for my personal taste, I tend to gravitate toward unisex scents, but will wear feminine fragrances if they're not too sweet and masculine fragrances if they're not too overpowering. 29, living in a warm, humid climate. Hopefully that gives you an idea of how your taste may compare to mine. Let's get into it, starting with my least favorite:
Eau Matcha: Spicy and earthy. Makes me think of freshly tilled land and strong hands. I get the citrus, but the matcha, vetiver, and cedar are more prominent to me. It goes a little softer on the dry-down. Not sure if it's right for me, but would be very sexy on someone with a more masc style. I definitely don't hate it, but it's a little out of my comfort zone. This one lasted forever on me, I wore it for 10+ hours, went to bed, and woke up still smelling it.
Eau Bergamote: Very pleasant and likeable little citrus number, pretty much exactly what you would expect. Unisex for sure. Reminds me a little of Acqua Neroli from Clean Reserve, which I like very much. Excellent for hot weather, it almost has a cooling effect to it. However, it's rather subtle and doesn't project much for me. I caught a few whiffs of it throughout the day, but couldn't really smell it unless I made an effort. Might try over-spraying on clothes. I really want to love it, but I wish it had more oomph. Perhaps maceration improves the performance.
Eau Noir: This one feels DARK. Very fitting name. Spicy, aromatic, and complex. Sexy. Like an expensive looseleaf tea blend from a specialty shop. This ain't no Starbucks chai latte, this is the GOOD stuff, stored in a big ceramic jar and meticulously measured out into a fancy little sachet, just for you. Unisex, but leans masculine to my nose. Not an "easy" scent, but not so overpowering as to be oppressive or offensive to others. Medium projection, great longevity. Probably wouldn't be my go-to fragrance for my work environment, but an excellent "going out" option for sure. Likely will purchase, but may wait for the cooler months.
Eau Santal: Ok, this one.... She's that b*tch. I understand why the OG gets so much commotion. This one does NOT go dilly on me, as some other sandalwood fragrances have done. If I REAAALLLYY get in there and SNORF, I can detect the suggestion of something herbaceous, but absolutely not pickles. Clean, creamy sandalwood is what I'm getting for the most part, plus some powdery notes. If it jives with your skin chemistry, this will be extremely seductive on you no matter your gender... so keep that in mind, haha. No need to over-spray, it lasts all day with decent projection. Another to add to my purchase list.
Another 14: I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about this one. I don't always like ISO E Super, especially when it's front and center and not just thrown into a mix of 10+ other notes. However, I'm so pleased to report that this does not go sour on me. It's such a pleasant, light, woody fragrance. As unisex as unisex can be. The alpha and omega of unisex fragrances. Great for any occasion or profession where you don't want to be smelling too loud. Also an excellent layering tool. In the same vein of Glossier You and JHAG NAP, think "your skin but better". If you don't have this yet... what are you doing? Put it in your cart.
Le Bon Bon Intense: Honestly, this one is hard to describe. It's really well blended, I feel like all the elements in here are quite harmonious and difficult to pick out. There's an airy sweetness to it, but there's enough going on in the base that it doesn't veer into gourmand territory. Regardless of how close this is to the "real thing", just judging it on its own merit, I do really enjoy this, especially compared to the many other BR540 clones I have sampled. Quite unisex to my nose, but I could understand why some men might feel it's not for them. Very likeable, I could see myself wearing this all year round to any occasion. This version in particular has beast mode longevity, it survived a shower AND sleep. Still not quite sure it deserves ALL the hype, but this scent profile definitely deserves a spot in my collection.
The 212: Creamy and citrusy; feels ALMOST gourmand to me, like it's teetering on the edge between foody and freshie. I get some florals too, but they're balanced with the musk and sandalwood in the base. It reminds me of CK In2U and 000 from Le Monde Gourmonde, but different enough that I'd be happy to have all three, especially since I really dig this branch of the fragrance tree. Fresh, but not fresh like laundry detergent, more like the way the air smells when you go outside on a day with perfect weather (sunny, low 70s, low humidity). It's unisex leaning feminine, IMO, but would be absolutely magnetic on the right man. Gorgeous, a little addictive, even. Perhaps my favorite of the whole batch. Intend to purchase.
Galilean: I'll be honest, I mostly bought this one because the name appealed to me as a church nerd, and also because Abe was hyping it up, so I was curious. It slaps. It smells like how I would imagine a cowboy smells. Specifically, a relatively clean cowboy: a little sweaty, maybe, but not in a gross way. Leather, spices, and the great outdoors. Kind of warm and cozy, but not heavy or cloying, which leads me to believe this would work well even in hot weather. I wore this to a work event and felt like a total badass. Definitely more on the masculine side of unisex, but not incompatible with a more feminine presentation. Reviews of the OG indicate that it lasts all day and has monster projection, but on my test run of Galilean, I got about 7 hours of wear with moderate projection. Probably tied with The 212 for my favorite, I'm buying this for sure.
Thanks for reading my reviews! I have six more decants coming to me from the magnanimous Hype_Moments, so I'll be sharing my thoughts on them soon. Let me know if you have any recommendations for me wrt summer unisex fragrances from Montagne. TIA!

I have seen quite a few of these reviews over the past few days but here is my review on both my order from u/AyybrahamLmaocoln and also the scents I have received.
I have ordered from him twice and both orders have arrived quickly and well packaged. The decants arrive in glass vials with plumbers tape around the seals. They are then wrapped in this thicker material which prevents them from clashing together. He has very good communication and keeps me updated with both pictures of the items packed and then gives a tracking number. I know he has had personal things going on in the past few months but even through those he has kept good communication about what is going on. I am glad he is back and things are doing better.
That being said my first order was placed in January but I will include it with this review. Overall I liked all of the scents.
Angels Share- I liked this scent and it is definitely more wintefall for me. I get more cinnamon than booze with this one but it has a warm comforting feel that reminds me of colder times with snow and a fireplace. Because of the strong cinnamon I can see this being too strong for others if you are more sensitive to scents. This is unisex to me.
Afternoon Swim- This is my favorite of the bunch. It is straight orange to my nose with slight musk. Its very linear and does not change but its a very easy wear for me. I have not smelt the original so I cant tell you how close it is. Not offensive to my nose. This is more of a summespring scent. This is unisex leaning towards male. I think its the musk but can be easily worn by female or male.
Virgin Island Water- It has a strong cocunut/lime smell with the lime being more prominent to my nose. Not offensive to my nose. The scent is good for summespring but I think it would do better in higher heat. Ive seen people say this would do better near the beach or the pool and I agree with this. To me this is more of a vacation scent that I would wear to some place more tropical/80 degree weather. To me this is more of a male scent.
My second order was placed earlier this week. These samples I have mixed feelings on but I knew going in that I was picking things that I was definitely testing the waters with just based off the notes. These reviews are based off a few days of testing on my skin so this is more of a first impression than a final opinion.
Moi??? - Very inoffensive scent which improves after it dries down. The initial spray and then smelling off my skin reminds me of the scent of lipstick strangely enough. I have smelled this in the air through which does smell better but still not sure how I feel about this. Either way I can see this as an office scent or something you would wear for more sensitive noses. This straight unisex.
Spirit of Peace - First spray reminds me of any type of evergreen, spruce, pine, or fir tree. Its very fresh and I can see the Aventus inspiration. I do not smell any smoke or woods to this scent, its more the needles that I can smell. When it dries down I start to smell the pineapple but its very slight. This is probably my favorite of the samples I received this time around. This might be best during wintefall but I dont know if the silage will carry with the cold air. Either way this reminds me of Christmas. This a masculine scent to me.
Mystic Oud - This is not the easiest one to wear but I can see myself liking this over time. It has a strong oud to it but the saffron brings the sweetness to tone that down. That being said I am newer to ouds and this is really strong to my nose to the point I am not sure how I feel about it. This has a strong smell that I am sure will carry. This is best used during the winter or colder days. The more I smell it, the more I like it. This leans strongly more masculine to me. I am not sure why it's listed as unisex but I guess I would have to smell a female wearing this to understand. Either way I couldn't see a female wearing this IMO but to each their own on what they want to wear.
Galilean - This follows along the lines of Moi?? to me where the scent is very inoffensive but also very strange to my nose. To me this smells like the pages of a brand new magazine. The mineral notes stand out the most to me but I do get a hint of the mandarin as well. I would have to do a full wearing but im not really sure what I think about this one either. It reminds me of how I feel about Moi??
Edit: I forgot I also have immensity.
Immensity - I've read a lot of reviews on this for both the original and the clones. Based off the notes I thought I would really enjoy this but I think im one of the more unlucky ones where this doesn't mix with my skin chemistry. I've worn this twice on my arms and it smells almost like a cumin citrus combo which I do not like. I'm still trying this out but I am thinking this might not be for me unfortunately. I'm not even sure where I get that scent profile from considering it isn't a listed note from what I saw. Either way this is my least favorite out of everything I've tried from montagne so far. 🤷
That's it for now. I would not hesitate to order from u/AyybrahamLmaocoln again.

Hey all, so my wife got me and the family a surprise English Bulldog puppy for our 20 year anniversary. I've always wanted one and she went above and beyond with this gift and I am head over heels in love with this puppy. She's about 16 weeks old now, is not spayed, weighs probably close to 20 lbs by now, and we've had a really rough 5+ weeks with her since we got her. I don't want to write a novel here, but a lot has happened in a short amount of time and I want everyone that takes the time to read this and respond to fully understand whats going on, because I'm desperate for some genuine advice or feedback of any kind at this point. If you want me to upload any documentation like medical records, test results, x rays, ultrasound pics, etc. just let me know.
We have been having serious health issues with her since we brought her home the afternoon of Thursday 3/21. She was having very loose stools that would cause blood to leak out of her rectum after each bowel movement and trickle down her backside, to the point where she needed to be quickly wiped down after each bowel movement or the blood would trickle down and reach her vagina. So, we took her to the ER the next night on Friday 3/22 @ 10:30pm because it wasn't stopping or improving. The doctor and I both found it very hard to believe that this issue was not present before we took her home from the breeder. It couldn't just suddenly get this bad.
The ER documentation we were provided that night states:
"Puppy was presented for evaluation of hematochezia (progressing from loose but formed stool) and one episode of vomiting. Puppy was adopted yesterday from a breeder and she is still interested in eating and has a normal energy level. Puppy already has her first veterinary appointment scheduled for Wednesday."
Since she was so young and was still not fully vaccinated they needed to quarantine her and do a Parvo SNAP test, among other things. The treatment notes state:
"Puppy was brought to isolation and a Parvo SNAP test was run which returned as negative. Assessment took place which revealed a malocclusion and blood in the rectum. Puppy was otherwise bright, alert, and responsive and was barking. Her energy level seemed appropriate. Discussion with the owner took place. Radiographs were discussed but declined at this time. Cerenia was offered for nausea but declined. Puppy was discharged to be managed as an outpatient."
She was then discharged and we were given the below medications:
Panacur Suspension 100mg/ml per ml Please give 2.75 mL by mouth ONCE daily for three days until finished
Pro-Pectalin Anti-Diarrheal Gel 30ml Please give 1 mL by mouth every 8 hours as needed for loose stool
Unfortunately, things did not improve with the medications over the weekend, and thanks to the puppy time app I was using to track everything, we also noticed that she was having many accidents in the house and was urinating very small amounts every 5-15 minutes since we got her on Thursday. We assumed she had a small bladder since she wasn't even 12 weeks old yet, and research online showed that English Bulldogs can have smaller bladders than other breeds. So, we weren't concerned about that yet and just began walking her every 30 minutes or so instead of every 2 hours as we were instructed to do by the breeder.
As her condition worsened over the weekend our concerns grew, so we called the Vet she had her first appointment scheduled with for Wednesday 3/27, first thing the morning of Monday 3/25 when they opened. We explained the issues we were having and they wanted to see her right away instead of waiting.
A wellness exam and a Fecal DX Profile were done that day and no ova or parasites were found in her stool sample, so she did not have worms and the Vet was unsure why she was bleeding from her rectum so much with each bowel movement. We discussed the pee situation, and the Vet was worried that if this was going on before we got her, that blood could have gotten into her urinary tract and caused a UTI or something, but it was too early to tell without more testing.
She also received her first DA2PP vaccine, a free 1 month sample dose of Simparica TRIO for 11.1-22 lb puppies, though we were told not to give it to her until the diarrhea improved, and we didn't end up giving it to her until after Tuesday 4/9. We also were given a Proviable-Forte Small Dog Kit which included Proviable-KP paste, plus 15 Proviable-Forte sprinkle capsules. These contain probiotics and prebiotics that are meant to help firm up loose stools and help reinstate a healthy intestinal balance. I asked about her receiving other vaccines and was told we should wait until she's feeling better, so we scheduled a follow up for Wednesday 4/17 and were told to call back if things didn't improve in a few days, and that next time we should bring a urine sample along with the stool sample.
Things did not improve so I called the Vet again on Wednesday 3/27 and they gave us Royal Canin Veterinary Diet Puppy Gastrointestinal Dry Dog food. We stopped what we were feeding her which was a mix of Blue Buffalo Wilderness with Chicken/life source bits for puppy dry food, mixed with the dry food the breeder provided us with, and started feeding her the new Gastrointestinal Dry Dog Food exclusively.
With the new food and the medicine we were giving her, her loose stools began to improve enough to where there was still blood with each loose bowel movement, but not enough for it to run down her backside so quickly it needed to be wiped right away, but still enough where we had to continue to wipe her rectum before going inside or a good amount of blood would get on whatever she sat down on first.
Things stayed about the same from Wednesday 3/27 until Saturday 3/30 when I first noticed blood in her urine on the pee pads where she sleeps at night. As this continued, we saw the Vet again on the following Wednesday, 4/3 where she was given a full physical for inappropriate urination and blood being visible in her urine and stool. The notes from that visit state:
"What changes have you been noticing: has always been a frequent peer outside and having accidents in the house with the presence of blood. When did you first notice this: past 3-4 days Accidents in the house: 5-6 times an hour. Any blood/straining: blood in urine and stool, does "squat" to urinate an excessive amount of times. Increased drinking/urination: has to urinate multiple times a day, is looking for water a lot more. Leaking any urine while sleeping: yes, sees pee spots on the pads where she sleeps.".
The assessment notes from that visit state:
"Pollakiuria, pyuria, hematuria, rods in urine: UTI. Chronic soft stools with some blood, rule out parasites, food intolerance, dietary indiscretion.".
So this is when we first found out that she had a "very bad UTI" as the Vet put it, with an abnormally high amount of red and white blood cells being present in her urine. This was on Wednesday 4/3, less than 2 weeks had passed since we brought her home and she had blood in her stool and urine. Again, the first sign of blood in her urine was on Saturday 3/30, only 9 days after we brought her home. Based on our experience with her since we took her home, the Vet and I agreed that clearly the UTI was present when she came home with us, likely from the blood leaking from her rectum into her vagina, and it continued to get worse as it was left untreated for a week while we focused on her stool issues and assumed her frequent urination in the house was just because of her age and a small bladder.
So, we treated the UTI with Clavicillin 62.5mg at 1.5 tablets 2 times a day and were told to expect her to stop urinating so little so often within a few days, and to continue with the special GI diet food only. They also did another Fecal Dx Profile, this time with a Giardia - Idexx test adeed, whatever that is, even though the last profile did not show any signs of parasites or worms, because there was still enough blood in her stools to cause concerns. They also provided us with Metronidazole 50mg at 2 tablets 2 times per day, and Panacur 20 gm, which was to treat her for worms just in case she had them and they were getting a false negative. For your reference, the additional Fecal Dx Profile from today also showed no presence of worms or parasites.
We stuck with what the Vet was saying since they're very reputable and well respected in our area. They've been rated as the best vet in the entire county for 2 years straight, and they've been really great thus far. So we followed their treatment plan in hopes that things would improve. Unfortunately, they did not.
Two days later on Friday 4/5 I called the Vet to say there was still blood in her urine and now wete noticing that she sounds like she's struggling when urinating, almost like she was constipated, and according to the puppy time app I was using to track everything, she was now urinating even more frequently and having more accidents in the house. To put it into perspective, she was squatting 6-12 times to pee on normal 5-10 minute walks every 30 minutes, and was having 6 or so accidents in the house in between those walks. Also, if we took her with us to the park for a few hours with the kids, she would squat every few minutes the entire time. Eventually there was nothing coming out, but she clearly felt like she had to go since she was squatting so much.
They had me come pickup 5 tablets of Vetprofen 25mg to help with the pain over the weekend while they expected things to improve with the antibiotic that was supposed to treat her UTI. On Monday 4/8 when the vet opened again, I called to say there was still blood in her urine and she seemed to be urinating even more frequently now. So, we brought her in to the Vet again that day, Monday 4/8, and their assessment notes state:
"hematuria, pyuria: rule out resistant UTI, stones, congenital malformation"
They did another urine test, which found that there was no longer any bacteria present, but there was still very high amounts of red and white blood cells in her urine. They also did blood work (CBC/Chem 10) to check if there were any issues with her kidneys and such, and we took xrays to check for bladder stones. They found no stones and her blood work came back fine.
Now the plan was to continue with the antibiotic, start giving her Gabapentin for the pain and discomfort and we were told that if things didn't improve, the next step was to get an ultrasound to look for congenital defects or issues with her bladder or kidneys or what have you. We were told they only do the ultrasounds on Tuesdays and were all booked up for the next day, Tuesday 4/9, so we booked an appointment for the ultrasound for next Tuesday, 4/16 and just had to try and keep her as comfortable as possible while we waited, and hope that the antibiotic and other meds she was taking at this point would help.
Well, things did not improve while we waited for the ultrasound appointment. By Tuesday 4/16 there was still blood in her urine and stool, and she was still urinating very small amounts very frequently inside and out.
So, we dropped her off for the ultrasound and while waiting to do the procedure the Vet and staff confirmed what we were saying. They kept her at the front desk and walked her every 30 mins and saw how many times she was squatting outside on short walks, and how many small accidents she was having inside in between.
Notes from that day state:
"Reason for tech visit: Drop off for AUS, cysto and urine culture Concerns to note: still having diarrhea even with prescription food but much less blood seen Services performed: abdominal ultrasound Still noticing blood in urine and having accidents - they do walk her about every 30 minutes. At child's baseball game this weekend she was urinating once every 5 minutes for 2 hours - still straining to urinate. Has been walked three times already this morning by our staff. Could not get cystocentesis sample because she is urinating so frequently and bladder is thick and empty. Recommend send out culture from free catch and start Enrofloxacin.".
So, they tried to collect a urine sample to do a full urine culture directly from her bladder during the procedure, but couldn't. So they kept her for longer afterwards, gave her water, and captured enough urine while walking her over the next couple hours to send it out for culture.
The abdominal ultrasound study report from the technician stated:
"Conclusions: Thickened, irregular urinary bladder with cellular debris: O cystitis vs TCC (unlikely) Mesenteric lymphadenopathy: O reactive, common finding in young canines.
Treatment plan: The urinary bladder changes are likely secondary to cystitis and not TCC given this puppies age. Recommend submitting urine culture (despite urine sediment results) via cystocentesis and if positive, treat according to MIC for 2-3 weeks with recheck urine culture 3-5 days after completion of antibiotic to assure resolution and rule out antimicrobial resistance. If urine culture is negative and hematuria persists, recommend submitting CADET BRAF."
The abdominal study report from the technician also stated:
"1. The liver appears within normal limits in size and echogenicity without evidence of mass or cyst. No evidence of intrahepatic biliary dilatation is seen. 2. Normal gallbladder. 3. No definite abnormality of the pancreas is seen. 4. No GI masses seen. No foreign body seen. The stomach and intestines are normal in thickness. Several enlarged mesenteric lymph nodes are seen. 5. The spleen is normal. 6. Left kidney measuring 5 cm. There is no evidence of hydronephrosis, mass, cyst, stone or perinephric fluid collection on the left kidney. Right kidney measuring 5.5 cm. There is no evidence of hydronephrosis, mass, cyst, stone or perinephric fluid collection on the right kidney. Renal architecture and size are normal. The adrenal glands appear normal (0.35cm-0.4cm). 7. No definite abnormality of the aorta, caudal vena cava, or common iliac arteries is seen. 8. The urinary bladder is moderately thickened and irregular (0.3cm-0.8cm) and contains cellular debris. 9. No evidence of ascites is seen."
It also states:
"Conclusions: Thickened, irregular urinary bladder with cellular debris: O cystitis vs TCC (unlikely) Mesenteric lymphadenopathy: O reactive, common finding in young canines.
Treatment plan: The urinary bladder changes are likely secondary to cystitis and not TCC given this patients age. Recommend submitting urine culture (despite urine sediment results) via cystocentesis and if positive, treat according to MIC for 2-3 weeks with recheck urine culture 3-5 days after completion of antibiotic to assure resolution and rule out antimicrobial resistance. If urine culture is negative and hematuria persists, recommend submitting CADET BRAF."
The study quality was noted as being excellent, and the indications were:
"unresolved UTI symptoms, O resistant UTI, stones, congenital malformation, hematuria and pyuria".
So, the ultrasound found that she was suffering from Cystitis and that her bladder lining was very inflamed. The technician said they'd never seen such an inflamed bladder on a puppy of this age before. They ordered another urine test, this time with a full culture so they could find out exactly what is going on in her bladder. They also started her on another antibiotic, Enrofloxacin 22.7mg at 2 tablets once every 24 hours. She also received the remaining required vaccinations that day as well.
We got the results of the urine culture back on Monday 4/22 and it showed that the bacteria was in her bladder lining wall and was e coli based (yep, likely from the blood) and that it was not resistant to the antibiotics we'd been giving her all along. So, we continued with the Enrofloxacin and things finally started to improve a little over the last 6 days.
There's no more blood visible in her urine, and her bladder seems to be increasing in size as the inflammation goes down and she's drinking and peeing more while we continue the antibiotics, but she's still having just as many accidents in the house, they're just larger in volume now. The blood is also gone from her stools now too, even though they're still really loose.
Despite the improvements, the last 3-4 days have still been rough. Now she's literally leaking urine. She can be standing and eating from her food dish and she won't even squat to pee, it just comes out while she's standing. Not a lot, but more than a few drops. Enough to form a small 2-3 inch puddle on the hardwood floor.
She's also leaking slowly while sleeping or relaxing now. We see big wet spots in her bed after naps and sleeps and smalls spots on our cloths if she sits on our laps for a bit. She was sleeping on my chest last night and I could actually feel individual drops on the skin of my leg every minute or so for 10+ minutes straight.
I'm at a loss for words at this point. What could it be now? Is the bladder a muscle, and it's just getting to be close to a normal size for the first time and she just hasn't developed the ability to hold it yet? Or is it something more serious or permanent?
So yeah, potty training has pretty much been impossible since we got her and have had all these issues, but we've done our best by walking her every 30 minutes, and taking her outside immediately after every accident and rewarding her for peeing outside. Still no change though. She's still squatting 6-12 times on short walks with 6 or so accidents inside in between. She's a perfectly normal and happy go lucky puppy with a great attitude and temperament otherwise. She's learned to sit and stay and seems intelligent, so she should be picking up on the fact that accidents are unwelcome and thst she should be going outside. She's just clearly still struggling, and so are we.
At this point I'm trying to figure out if I'm doing something wrong here. Or multiple things wrong. We've spent more on vet bills since we got her than we did to purchase her from the breeder. And she came with a 30 day health guarantee and a 5 year congenital defect guarantee. We've been in touch with the breeder since night 2 when we took her to the ER and they said they'd refund us for the ER bill because it was odd and she had no signs of any of this before we took her home, but they haven't responded to us at all since then. Complete radio silence since 3/22. They're deliberately ignoring our calls, voice messages, texts, emails and all the medical records and invoices we've been sending all along. Even our vet has called and left messages trying to get more info. It's unreal. I can't believe they would just ignore us like this, and we've been nothing but polite and patient in all our attempts to reach them. We're getting our lawyer involved at this point. It's ridiculous. We would really like to hear back in regards to the 30 day health guarantee my wife signed on 3/21 when we took her home, which states:
"To preserve your rights under the law, you must take your newly purchased dog to a licensed veterinarian for examination within 10 days of purchase. If a veterinarian determines, within 10 days of purchase, that your dog is clinically ill or has died from an injury sustained or illness likely to have been contracted on or before the date of sale and delivery, you have the following options:
(a) Return the dog for a complete refund; (b) Return the dog for a replacement dog of equal value; OR (c) Retain the dog and receive reimbursement for reasonable veterinary fees, not exceeding the purchase price. These options do not apply where a seller, who has provided a health certificate issued by a veterinarian, discloses in writing at the time of sale the health problem for which the buyer later seeks to return the dog."
Yes, we were provided with Healthcare information from an Animal Hospital dated from 3/4/23, which was 17 days before we took her home on 3/21. That's rather outdated in my option considering the age of the dog. That document stated she had been examined and that to the best of their knowledge the animal is free from contagious and infectious diseases, including rabies. It also says that a Fecal Analysis was never performed, which is concerning to us considering the issues we had with her stools the day we took her home.
We do not wish to return or exchange her. She is a member of our family now and we love her. What we do want is for the breeder to acknowledge that she clearly had a UTI at the time of purchase, not to mention the issues with her bowel movements that started on day one, but first they have to stop ignoring us.
So that's it. That's our last 5+ weeks in a nutshell. Does anyone have any advice?
Could we be doing something wrong? Could the Vet be missing something? Did this breeder screw us over despite their good reputation and reviews and health guarantees? Am I feeding her too much or something and her full stomach is putting pressure on her bladder? Could she literally just be incontinent and need to wear a diaper for the rest of her life?!
We are exhausted and at the end of our rope, and stressed out beyond belief. We love her and just want her to be happy and healthy, but it feels like it's just one thing after another. Pet insurance won't cover anything because this all started so quickly and is all a preexisting condition. I don't know how to potty train her anymore either. Despite all my reading and research, I must be doing something wrong, right? That, or she's still sick, or its something else now. I'm sure that her spending the last 5 weeks pretty much peeing whenever wherever isn't helping, but what can I do about that aside from what I'm already doing? I'll call the Vet tomorrow with an update, but they're just going to say what they already said to do... to continue with the antibiotics that are almost done now, and to do another urinalysis and refill the prescription and keep them going for a few more weeks and hope things conti ue to improve… and then to do another urine culture 5+ days after finally stopping the antibiotics. If it doesn't get better then the next step after that is seeing an internist where they'll shove a camera up her urethra to look at the inside of her bladder, which will cost another $1500-$2000, and they really seem to want us to schedule that now since the internist is busy and our appointment may not be as soon as it needs to be.
Has anyone experienced something like this with a new puppy and/or English Bulldog puppy before? I know English Bulldogs aren't the healthiest breed, but this seems like a bit much for having her barely over a month and with her being so young. The vet feels awful and is constantly calling to check up on her and just says she has "a very sick bladder" and that we're doing all we can to help her and that we need to stay the course and keep pushing through this, but to what end? When will she get better? When will we find an answer or root cause? Will we ever? We don't know. We're just doing our best to keep our heads above water and stay calm, but it's not easy at this point. Especially with the breeder completely ignoring us the way they are. We're just… we're burnt out, and we're scared how this is going to end. We're hoping someone here has something encouraging to say because the Vet has come right m out and said that this is not normal. She should not be having health issues like this at this age. Even they are concerned and seem unsure of what's going on and are desperate for answers. It just doesn't add up.
Thank you for reading this far. I'm sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to give you all the details so you could be informed and not have a ton of questions. With that said, any and all feedback or questions are welcome.
I look forward to hearing from the community on this. I really hope there's someone out there that's seen something similar and come out on the other side with positive results. We really need some sort of confirmation that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and that things will get better and not just continue to get worse until something bad happens, like the unthinkable... how would we explain that to our young children? I can't even let myself think about that right now.
Thanks in advance for any support you can provide. All the best to you and your families, including all your furry, fluffy, feathery, or scaly family members!

Black Sheep Family
Part 55
Arc 5
The Velocity of Madness
“These four constants are Life, Death, the Purpose and the Random.” ~ Stephen King
(B)(S)(F)
GO!
Sunday, February 19, 2079
Cassandra was lounging on the couch in the den when the knock came. She got up and answered the door and smiled wide when she saw it was Bubbles. She let him in and he returned the smile as he kneeled down slightly.
“I’m here to talk with your dad, some important information has come to light.” He gripped her shoulders. “Keep holding on to hope.”
“I am. Anna’s upstairs doing all her research on the area in the Amazon we’re going to. Apparently there are man-eating monsters there.” Cassandra smiled.
Bubbles nodded, “Then we’ll be prepared.”
Cassandra nodded. “I’m gonna go back to watching the Animal Assistant.”
“That a show?” Bubbles asked.
“Movie.” Cassandra smiled, “Papa called it a knock off of an old movie Danny has about a doctor that talks to animals.”
Bubbles nodded, “As long as you’re enjoying it.”
“Hey Bubs!” Agatha said as she pushed past his frame to get into the house, Jack was following her.
“Agent.” Jack nodded.
“Hello you two.” Bubbles nodded. “Staying safe I hope, no risky fights.”
Agatha snorted. “We have more to worry from my mom at this point.”
Jack shook his head, “No fights, just going over how to take care of Alan’s garden while they’re out of town.”
Bubbles nodded, “Time for my meeting.” He made his way to Alan’s office.
Cassandra looked up at her sister. “Wanna join me for a movie?”
“Animal Assistant.” Jack nodded, “It’s not bad.”
Agatha nodded, “Sure.”
Cassandra smiled as they sat on the couch, Agatha was surprised to find Cassandra snuggling up to her. She smiled and nodded.
“Mom busy with prepping?” Agatha asked.
Cassandra nodded.
“Don’t worry. We’ll get this done before Thrush gets the school fixed.” Agatha smiled and stroked her sister’s hair, then paused. “This doesn’t hurt those tiny eyes, does it?”
Cassandra shook her head, “Feels nice.”
“I know.” Agatha smiled, “Let’s watch, huh?”
Cassandra didn’t say anything as she let the feeling of being loved and comforted soak into her. Cxaltho did eventually slip into the spot Agatha was stroking and got a mean glare for a brief moment from the older sister before moving to comfort him as well.
---B)(S)(F---*
Bubbles stepped into Alan’s formerly barren office. Currently travel and expedition gear was stacked high. Alan was reading over instructions of a first aid manual and several first aid kits.
“Not allergic to antivenins, are you?” Alan didn’t look up.
“No.” Bubbles said, “Just bees.”
“Sucks.” Alan nodded and noticed Bubbles was carrying an envelope. “That the pre-change DNA test?”
Bubbles nodded, “It was an eye opener.” He held it out for Alan.
Alan was not new to surprises from tests. His own genetic tests had proved he and Stephen were mostly a genetic slurry made from the recombination of multiple donors. SLowly he opened it and read the information, then he read it again. Then he put it on his desk and tried to focus on anything other than the murderous rage he was feeling.
“She disappeared two days ago. The tests went through her hospital.” Bubbles said calmly. “I was more struck by the other matches.”
Alan picked the envelope again and read further down. “I know this name. He does that Hero Fight bullshit stuff.”
Bubbles said nothing, but nodded.
“And that’s Psi-Ko as a...” Alan put the paper down again. “That’s a fucked up family tree.”
“Are you going to tell her?” Bubbles asked.
“I have to.” Alan sighed. “Felsh...” Alan shook his head. “She did that to her own flesh and blood.” He sat down and took a deep breath as he focused and reached out to his wife’s mind, then came back to focus with Bubbles.
“Do you want me around?” Bubbles asked.
“Besides Endara, Snake Shifter, and myself, you're the only adult she’s had positive interactions with outside of school. Please.” Alan sighed. “Stay for dinner please.”
“I had my schedule cleared.” Bubbles nodded. “Should I keep my agents on speed-dial?” He let the smallest edge of a smirk crack his face.
Alan shook his head, “Endara will be pissed, but she won’t go atomic on us. More worried Anna might.”
“She is very close to Cassandra.” Bubbles nodded. “Made fast friends and faster sisters.”
“Anna...” Alan sighed, “I don’t want to say she’s naive, but she sees the best in people, sometimes when she shouldn’t. Granted she already didn’t like Felsh.”
“I feel I should advise you that I've gone on a deep dive of government DNA profiles. Checking to see how long she’s been around. She barely looks thirty. She shouldn’t be the mother of Cassandra and Abigail Fleisch” Bubbles advised as he took of his sunglasses.
Alan nodded, “Then the question is how long has she been at it, and how many years of experience does she have evading people? Decades, a lifetime, multiple lifetimes? It’s scary.”
“And she’s clearly GLOBAL.” Bubbles nodded.
“Salem’s added her to his list.” Alan nodded, “Probably has multiple bullet holes in the picture by now.”
“He is...” Bubbles thought on his words for a moment. “Protective of your children.”
“He’s protective of people who give him a chance. And he hates GLOBAL.” Alan sighed, “Look, I’m gonna start a big fuckign dinner, you want meatloaf?”
Bubbles smiled, “And I’ll even help.”
Alan laughed, “Come on, you can be my sous chef.”
“You know that word?” Bubbles barked a quick laugh.
Alan did a double take and blinked as he watched the smile vanish from Bubbles’ face. “Fucking troll.” He snorted and made his way to the kitchen.
---B)(S)(F---*
Salem was skimming reports of the recovery of Burlin’s body. He didn’t like it, the neatness of turning to stone was too coincidental and reeked of some college freshman’s literary project. He finished for the third time that day and growled at it. A knock came at his door and he ignored it for a moment. Then it came again.
“Sawyer, get-” He paused, remembering Sawyer was busy repairing some pipes on the fourth floor.
Salem stood up and focused, putting on his human guise as he opened the door and saw Samantha Canning shaking her head, holding a shopping bag.
“Still a piss poor disguise.” She snorted.
“Sam.” Salem blinked.
“It’s good to see you. Nice to know you found another place to belong.” Samantha smiled. “If I’m welcome-”
Salem lurched forward and hugged his old friend. “A’course you are. Too few of us left.”
“Would have thought you hated me.” Samantha smiled.
“No, not you, just the fuckers who got my kids killed.” Salem growled and let her in. “What you got?”
“Some whiskey, cloned blood and cheap as fuck steaks.” She looked around, “I thought I heard you call for Sawyer.”
“He’s up stairs fixing things.” Salem waved dismissively. “Honestly I think he likes this just a little more than security for the Quains.”
“So I hear. How’s operations treating you?” Samantha asked.
“Pretty damn good. Money goes to more upkeep her and the other places and I’m helping his kid with computer stuff in down and his new kid’s a sweetheart.”
“One you’re not leaping to help as I understand it.” Samantha said.
“I am, in my way.” Salem led her to his kitchen.
The calico cat named Ruby rubbed against Samantha’s legs.
“Ruby.” Samantha blinked, “Always knew that cat wasn’t normal.” She reached down and scratched the cat behind the ears.
Salem set the oven to heat. “Three minutes and we can broil, unless you want to use the electric grill.”
“No regular one?” Samantha asked.
“Not safe in this type of building, have’em outside if you wanna wait for sundown.” Salem nodded.
“Sounds good for me.” Samantha smiled and pulled out the whiskey and bottles of cloned blood and sat them on the table.
“Shit, that the General’s brand?” Salem noticed the whiskey.
“Yeah, the old bastard got me hooked on it.” Samantha laughed, “Heard you found the truth, more than we ever did.”
“You had your hands tied.” Salem waved it off with a snort, “But I got them in my sights. Got their scents.”
“Scents?” Samantha asked, “More than one?”
Salem nodded, “Alan sent me some info. Tough shit to read but we know Dr. Ingrid Felsh is one of them. Likely assumed an identity or made it. Still looking into that.”
“Sounds like serious shit.” Samantha nodded.
There was a moment of silence as Samantha Canning realized her old friend was now sizing her up as a potential threat.
“Don’t give me that look, Salem.” Samantha stared back and opened the whiskey.
“Was on the cameras. Was he right? You still in the game?” Salem’s eyes were slightly more bloodshot as he asked the question.
Samantha leaned on his kitchen table. “You know damn well I can’t answer that with you.”
Salem nodded, “The kids are off limits.”
“You know me, if I’m still in the game it’s not to hurt anyone.” Samantha frowned. “They mean that much to you?”
“Anna’s the first person in a long time to see past the mask.” Salem nodded, “Cassie needs a friend who’s gonna be ‘round more than a lifetime. Danny and Agatha are good kids, average teens with more drama than they deserve. So, yeah. They mean a lot to me. Sawyer too, he just won't admit it.” He looked at his watch and nodded, “Twenty minutes and we can cook.”
“Cook what?” Sawyer called from the door as he walked in and made his way to the kitchen.
“Holy shit!” Sawyer jumped as he entered the kitchen and tried to quickly salute Samantha.
“You mocking me, dumbass?” Samantha snorted and flipped him off
“A little.” Sawyer smiled and hugged his old friend. “What gives with the visit?”
“She’s teaching at the Academy. Was involved with the bullshit.” Salem explained. “Agatha ratted us out.”
“That little cat printed from my phone says otherwise.” Samantha smirked, “The hell was that, actually?”
“Radio signal. Round I fired had a matching transmitter. Friggin’ Richboy helping fund the Company has warping rounds. Cost way too damn much to use, I had to be sure I’d hit him.” Salem nodded. “She brought gifts.” He nodded to the table.
“The brand...” Sawyer whistled when he saw the whiskey and grabbed a few glasses. “This is gonna suck for me, but it's worth it.”
“Brought some mixings for you two.” Samantha laughed.
“Sam...” Sawyer shook his head, “Nah, still Boss.”
Samantha snorted and shook her head. “Fine, just leave some from crabby-pants.”
“I am not a crabby-pants.” Salem frowned as Ruby jumped up on the counter and nuzzled him.
“Well, when you get a chance we need to have a professional look at all of the fourth floor.” Sawyer let out a whistle. “Someone either shaved a Saint Bernard or we have a sasquatch in the building.”
“Yuck.” Samantha winced.
“Speaking of hair things, you heard from Mack?” Salem asked.
“Mack went for a long walk.” Samantha nodded solemnly.
“Fucking Aussie bastard.” Sawyer muttered.
“To the Dream Time.” Salem grabbed a glass and filled it with whiskey.
Sawyer did the same but mixed his with the blood. Samantha had just the whiskey. Then they toasted to old friends and war buddies before heading out to cook steaks and share old memories.
---B)(S)(F---*
Dinner was over at the Quain household. Cassandra was happy, but not surprised the Bubbles was coming along to help. Then Alan nodded to her and she heard his voice in her head.
¶We have news we need to share with you. It’s not all pleasant but you have a right to know. Do you want to share it with the others now?¶ Alan’s voice was gentle but there was no illusion that the information would be known by the entire family eventually.
Cassandra paused for a moment to consider the possibilities. Cxaltho insisted they would be getting bad news, but could get extra desserts out of it. Cassandra had to suppress a laugh but responded, ¶Private for now.¶
Alan nodded and stood, “Cassandra, let’s go to my office.” Alan looked at the other teens “The rest of you, privacy time.”
Anna nodded and went to her room.
“It’s fine, I have a boyfriend to go chat with.” Agatha smiled.
“I think I have a girlfriend for that now too...” Danny stood and was clearly trying to figure that out.
“I worry about my boy sometimes.” Alan sighed.
“Does this include me being excluded?” Stephen asked.
Cassandra smiled, “You can come.”
Bubbles cleared his throat and nodded to Alan.
“You can come too grampa, auntie.” Cassandra smiled.
Jazz nodded, “I think I know what this is about. Best not confirm it all too soon with me.” She stood up, “I’m gonna go find someone to make trouble with.”
Daniel nodded at Cassandra, “I’ll be there for you.
A few minutes later, after Alan put leftovers away and gave Bubbles some spare meatloaf, they all met in Alan’s office. He waited for a moment, standing by the door. Then he slammed his fist against the door and heard a scampering of feet.
“Agatha?” Endara asked.
“Too short.” Alan smirked.
Endara shook her head. “I’ll talk to her.”
“Was Anna trying to spy?” Cassandra blew a raspberry at the door.
Alan nodded as he pulled his chair over to Cassandra and held out an envelope. “This is a DNA test, using your old samples the government had. When I found out what happened to you I had a ton of tests put through so we could get answers.”
“Like what?” Cassandra asked.
“Bio-parents.” Cxaltho hissed.
“Yes.” Alan nodded, “The hope was to find answers, possibly DNA donations to fix this.”
“They’re gone, aren’t they?” Cassandra nodded, no emotions were betrayed, “I figured I was either dropped off and forgotten or they were gone.”
Alan’s face fell. “I wish it were that simple.” He moved forward and held her hands as Endara stooped and held her shoulder.
“Are they bad guys?” Cassandra asked, “I won’t mind fighting them.”
“Cassie.” Alan sighed, “There’s no easy way to say this. Remember the lady in the hospital, the one you identified as a GLOBAL person.”
Cassandra blinked, “No.” She whispered. Then paused and a moment later a scream echoed and tore through the halls of the Quain home.
Bubbles was already at the door and had it opened as Anna and Agatha rushed to the door. Danny came through from the ceiling.
“What was that?” Agatha asked.
“What’s wrong?” Anna looked around.
Anna moved to hug Cassandra but Cxaltho reared up with his fangs bared, a distant look in his ophidian eyes. Anna cautiously moved forward and Cxaltho slowly calmed as Anna hugged her sister.
“She’s my mother?!” Cassandra yelled, then shook her head. “No.” She pulled her legs to her body.
“Endara is your mom.” Anna said.
“That bitch!” Cxaltho roared. “From the hospital. She...” He snorted in rage. “How do humans do this to each other?!” He flailed and shook and suddenly he was across the room, hanging on the leaves of a plant. “I flew?”
Cassandra paused for a moment and stared, then quickly checked her own back. “No tail...”
“Do I have a rattle?” Cxaltho asked excitedly, but was disappointed when his tail was normal. “Aww, I’ll work on it...” He then slowly slithered to Cassandra and reattached to the base of her back.
“Well that was something.” Agatha said, “Who is the bio-mom?”
“Felsh.” Cassandra growled.
“The doctor you recognized?” Danny blinked, “Man that is...” He shook his head.
“It doesn’t get better.” Alan sighed.
“What could be worse?” Stephen asked, “Felsh is a monster.”
Alan handed him the report. Stephen read through, paused and stood up to leave. Moments later a scream was heard outside.
“Wow.” Anna blinked.
“What else?” Cassandra almost shrieked.
“Do you know how Anna explained Psi-Ko to you?” Alan asked.
Cassandra nodded.
“She’s your sister.” Alan said flatly.
Cassandra paused again, so did Cxaltho as they conversed in their head.
“Pops, that don’t add up.” Cxaltho said.
“As near as we can tell, Felsh is far older than we can actually establish.” Alan explained.
Stephen walked back in and sat down next to Cassandra. “I’m sorry. That was devastating news no doubt.”
“I was more confused by that part.” Cassandra admitted, then looked back at Alan. “And bio-papa?”
Alan snickered, “He’s in Hero Fight. I’ve met the man, he likely doesn’t know you even exist. Once this is over if you want I can see if he would be interested in getting to know you. You deserve at least that much from him.”
“I’ll have to think about that one.” Cassandra huffed, then looked around at her siblings. “Thank you for coming to help me.”
Danny gave a thumbs up, Agatha and Anna simply hugged her.
“We’re family.” Stephen smiled, “Did you think they wouldn’t find out?”
“No, I just wanted to make sure that if it was good I got to tell everyone.” Cassandra giggled. “Or you know explode like I did with some amount of privacy.”
Daniel stood and joined his family. “Kid, this is a big house and a lot of people live here. Most of us respect privacy.”
Anna giggled, “I thought it was school related.”
“Privacy.” Alan gave Anna a sharp glare.
“I’m sorry.” Anna said to Cassandra.
“Try harder next time.” Cassandra laughed, “He got you by your footsteps.”
Anna growled, “I thought I was quiet enough!”
“Stop spying on family honey.” Endara sighed.
“Next time ask me.” Danny winked.
“Danny.” Endara sighed.
“Or I could use Hong Long...” Anna nodded.
“I don’t think she’s getting it.” Cassandra sighed.
“I thought I was a slow learner.” Alan sighed and stood up, then shook Bubbles’ hand.
“I’ll see what I can get in regards to Lucian’s location.” Bubbles said.
“His name is Lucian?” Cxaltho snickered. Cassandra quietly joined him.
Alan sighed, “I’ll probably have better luck, but go ahead.”
Then the Quain family settled into the den for a night of watching a few movies.
---B)(S)(F---*
In her hidden office the woman formerly known as Dr. Ingrid Felsh was shredding documents. Most were her legitimate work she wanted no one else to have. It was sad too, she almost had The Draining cracked, but only she would be allowed to reveal her discoveries.
Once she was done she pulled out a few GLOBAL files. Most were failed experiments. Her eldest living daughter was among them. The woman had been temperamental and violent from a young age, narcissistic to boot and with no sense of control. It was no wonder she would never get past her current capabilities.
Then she pulled out one of a few other files. Her youngest daughter, Cassandra. She was a success. Passionate and driven, though Ingrid thought she was a bit misguided. The world would never accept her, both literally or figuratively. She was certain her child would return to her, or perish. Either way, she had escaped on her own merits, developed her powers and proven a sociable creature. Ingrid was very pleased with her youngest.
What confused Ingrid was how the girl had been lost. She had been sent to a GLOBAL care center for the children of all the group’s employees. Then she vanished one day, someone had left a door open and she wandered out, then appeared in the Dross City foster care. Ingrid knew she couldn’t take the child back after that, there would be too many questions. She had tried to make sure the girl was watched but foster families were notoriously unreliable in Dross City. Still the girl had ended up in good care, and much like a cuckoo Ingrid was sure her precious child would outshine any of the Quain children.
When she was done organizing her items she grabbed a shopping bag with some hair dye and got ready to embrace life as a blonde. She was going to try hiding her genius this time, feeding a good doctor simple ideas and see how they used them. Then if that worked out she could ride that to late stage recognition. She just wasn’t looking forward to getting older again. That was always a pain.
/////
The First Story
Previous Part! //// [Next Part!]()
Arc 1 - Black Sheep Family - Arc 1, First Chapter
Arc 2 - Paradigm Shift - Arc 2, First Chapter
Arc 3 - Gravitas Rising Arc 3, First Chapter
Arc 4 - The Director’s Chair Arc 4, First Chapter
Spotify
/////
Credit where Credit is due:
Kyton & Cassandra Quain are © u/TwistedMind596
Obsidian is © u/Ultimalice
Ixton the Blade of the Wielder is © My friend Forged of Souls who does not use reddit
Furnace is © my friend Matt who does not use reddit
Cedric Stein Meissner aka Tesseract is © my friend James, who does not use reddit.
All other characters and Dross City are © u/TheSmogMonsterZX
////
Smoggy: So way back when I first introduced GLOBAL someone asked if Felsh was Cassandra's mom...
Perfection: She wasn't... Then.
Smoggy: u/TwistedMind596 and I talked a bit about Cassandra's biological parents. Some gears turned and plots were altered.
Wraith: I'm actually impressed you strung that together.
Perfection: And if you're curious, yes it is for the better that Cassie wasn't raised by her. As Psi-Ko clearly demonstrates.
Smoggy: Psi-Ko was also a ward of the state, but she was dropped off on purpose.
Perfection: You know in The Bee Movie when the guy learns his wife is using humanity on behalf of the bees and his brain just stops for a second? Yeah that me right now.

Every year I put a different twist on my rankings. Show them a different way, account for some new bits of information. Highlight the guys that I have an unhealthy affinity towards while couching it in what their draft profile really tells us (i.e. this is why I am drafting them, this is why you should NOT).
There was a time, years back I spent hours, days, months reviewing every available piece of tape. Reading every analytics article and argument out there, what was on the cutting edge, what might be the future. I just don't put the same time and effort into these things. 2018-2022, I already knew who my top 12 players were for the next years draft were and more often than not 9, 10, 11 of them would be in the top 12 this time as well. Not this year, not going forward.
In my opinion fantasy football success is three things. Relative athleticism, production metrics, opportunity, and story. I'll define roughly each of them.
Athleticism is important, 4.35 40 times, sub 1.55 10 yard dashes are super cool, and when you are trying to make decisions on the margins, hey I might lean toward the more explosive guy. But generally speaking athleticism is wholly overrated. Essentially, more than anything in the world you want to be a 30th percentile athlete or better--we don't care if you are below average if you are great at football, see DeAndre Hopkins (4th percentile shuttle, 20th percentile broad, 50th percentile vert, 60th percentile speed score, 50th percentile 10 yard split, 30th percentile 40 time--a 30th percentile athlete). Are you athletic enough that ultimately your athleticism isn't the reason you bust? That is the question we are answering, this isn't a sort variable this isn't anything beyond that. Take your RAS scores and shove them.
Beyond this there have been plenty of studies done in the past that show that drilling per position has variation, so any model that doesn't make these considerations likely has a flaw in it. I'd have to go dig up those resources, but it was items like vertical and 40 time for receivers, I believe it was 3-cone and vertical for running backs.
Production metrics. This is probably the most contentious item out there in the modern sphere. There has been a lot of evolution since I started writing in fantasy football. Before we only really had breakout age and dominator. Dominator was just the simplest way to calculate how productive a player was relative to an offense. Now we have new metrics, deeper, more stable looks into how players are used schematically, and because a lot of these evaluations are so new we are still trying to find our new normal. Some of my favorite metrics out there right now are YPRR & YPRR excluding screens & YPRR vs schemes. I know a lot of people push team adjusted metrics, and I will always push age or more importantly year-in-school adjusted metrics. You get some outliers but generally speaking great draft capital plus a YPRR north of approximately 2.50~ is a solid profile. Great draft capital and a YPRR north of 3.00 is often a stud, north of 3.5 is Ja'Marr Chase. Peak year YPRR is how you find guys like Puka Nacua, but historically where guys like Godwin/DJ Moore would have survived. Don't get your head overly wrapped in the clouds though. But this is where we often cull the chaffe.

• DJ Moore (Career: 2.09, Peak: 2.83)
• Chris Godwin (Career: 2.12, Peak: 2.56)

At QB, one of the stickiest metrics that makes sense to me is PFF's big-throw metric. That's often where I throw my bets. So with no shock this year Caleb and Maye are my guys, and I have faith in Penix as well (Penix was dropping bombs at Indiana). P2S is also very popular as well as looking at a lot of these items in rate form.
At TE, athleticism, and relative production are always important.
At RB, this has always been more of a tape position to me, contact balance and vision within play design. Everyone is always looking for that guy that is going to break the big one, or take advantage of every little thing, I want a guy that sees the play, runs the play, and lets his blockers take him to the promise land rather than the guy that just out athletes college level, replacement level linebackers. They are flashy, but probably not long for the world. Missed Tackle rates, yards after contact, breakaway run percent tend to be solid indicators, but they are all ballpark metrics, I just want guys that are in the ballpark, not outliers (in a negative way).
Opportunity. This one is generally easy, draft capital doy. If a team spends a top 60 pick, they intend for that player to line up as a starter that fall. Historically that's whats happened for half way decent players, teams are saying they have a need and that player fills it. From here it's on us to determine what that opportunity might look like (high opportunity, low opportunity offense; efficient, vs inefficient offense). To put it another way, did the guy just go to Justin Herberts old offense or to his new offense? Will he have a 700 attempt offense to work within or a 520 attempt offense. Beyond that are we getting Aaron Rodgers level of efficiency, a touchdown every 10 passes, or are we getting Kenny Pickett levels of efficiency.
Beyond this...again...what is the marginal difference in draft capital? I'm working on a new bit because I want to more appropriately account for production relative to draft capital, and work out a more reasonable system of determining marginal effectiveness of draft capital in predicting success across draft pick not draft round. We know a top 7 drafted receiver is significantly more likely to find success than a top 20 draft receiver, relative to a top 32 receiver, relative to a top 60 receiver relative to a top 80 receiver relative...to...? Call it the Javon BakeTroy Franklin deep dive to correct for the injustice of Amon-Ra. Some day I'll share that, or I'll share it next year. But I did use some preliminary readouts for my rankings this year, and I think you'll be able to tease them out from visual inspection of some of the tier groupings. Essentially, good production metrics, mixed draft capital tiers.
Story. The final thing I weigh. Does a player have a good story? Find the guys that flashed production, flashed excellence, but the reasons why they didn’t consistently find success make sense. Maybe it’s they were in a deep room and there weren’t enough snaps or targets to go around. Maybe they had personality issues that could clear up and it just got in their way in college. Maybe they had injury issues or just a bad offense.
Some examples of these are pretty easy to find. DK Metcalf, explosive, unstoppable vertically, couldn’t stay healthy. Puka Nacua, transferred schools, dealt with injuries. Tyreek Hill, couldn’t stick with programs because of his own issues, has kind of gotten it together in the NFL. DJ Moore is a good example of a pitiful offense, he had more than a dozen starting QBs in his 3 years at Maryland, that offense threw for 2000 yards or fewer his first two seasons. Brandon Aiyuk? Came from JUCO, was behind an all-time ASU great in N’Keal Harry, still popped off his final season—long road, made the most of his opportunities, was explosive when given a shot.
This is subjective, so if a player hangs on your heart/mind more than others, it's fine--make your bet and go for it!
A couple of guys that kind of hang on my head this year are Xavier Legette, Tez Walker roads to success. Brenden Rice, his offense had 1200 yards in 6 games as a freshman, 1600 yards as a sophomore. Find the guys that speak to you.
PS: Brenden Rice's best chance is probably being an Allen Lazard type. My WR8 from the 2018 pre-draft process, loved the guy. Didn't break camp with the Jaguars, landed on the Packers, found success. I don't think Rice is breaking camp with the Chargers, he's a 3-year hold like a Justyn Ross (who has likely fizzled). I might draft him as late as possible or hope to pick him up off of waivers, but tiny odds of success at this point. Kid thought he was a day 2 pick, felt he earned a second round grade, will be interesting to see how he responds. His profile definitely warranted some day 2 consideration, especially over some of the guys that actually went day 2.

As always, ranking within tiers are subjective, and always changing. I'm not fighting anyone on Penix vs Coleman vs Benson vs Brooks.

1.01 The guys that deserve it.
Caleb Williams, QB1, Chicago Bears
No concerns about landing spot, and I’m a Packers fan that would love to take a dig. Good supporting cast to start his career, fantastic arm. The sky is the limit, love his arm and his confidence, we’ll see how Caleb does.
Marvin Harrison, WR1, Arizona Cardinals
On paper, I still prefer Malik Nabers. But this is Kyler Murray’s WR1. It’s not like Kyler hasn’t supported multiple WR1 seasons already. Kyler to the moon. Do not get cute.
1.03 My guys, happy haul.
Drake Maye, QB2, New England Patriots
This is the test of the big throw statistic. He blew it out of the park, and historically good draft capital plus lots of big throws = NFL success. Not concerned about the post-Belichick Patriots in anyway. Middle of the road team.
Malik Nabers, WR2, New York Giants
He was phenomenal as a junior, I’d argue if he wasn’t at LSU, Jayden Daniels wouldn’t have a Heisman. I really like Daboll so I hope the Giants right the ship this year and start moving forward, would hate to see him canned.
1.05 Separators
Rome Odunze, WR3, Chicago Bears
Landing spot is a little crowded, but not bad. This is DJ Moore’s last year without any dead cap so a decision will need to be made; I expect DJ Moore to stick and be the long term WR1, but we’ll see. Keenan is great, but if he isn’t happy in Chicago, he’ll go somewhere else probably chasing a ring. The more I write, the more I think Rome Odunze could be the WR1 in Chicago far sooner than people are ready for right now.
JJ McCarthy, QB3, Minnesota Vikings
Again, Packers fan. But I generally have always respected the Vikings front office and team. Maybe he’s just better Christian Ponder before the next veteran QB steps in the doors, but I do like this landing spot and think there are legs here. I could see myself move him down a tier—but this feels right for now.
Brock Bowers, TE1, Las Vegas Raiders
Can we just not overthink this? Everyone has been over the moon about this guy for years. Just let it happen, find peace.
Jayden Daniels, QB4, Washington Commanders
This one scares me. But Big Time Throws! I don’t trust Washington, and I think the profile is concerning emerging late. Not certain he’s the biggest threat in the NFL with his legs in this class, which is supposed to be his hallmark by the fantasy crowd.
1.08 The crowd
Brian Thomas Jr, WR4, Jacksonville Jaguars
Jacksonville has a new alpha in town. I still think Trevor Lawrence sticks long term. Probably an argument it’s tough to be too high on Thomas. His transition will be a shock, and I think it’s fair to worry that he might just turn into a deep shot guy circa a Marquez Valdes-Scantling type. But I think we hold our breath and hope for the stars.
Xavier Worthy, WR5, Kansas City Chiefs
I think this is a perfect marriage, and anyone would be smart to have him as their WR4. I’m not certain it’s going to translate into easy production in the NFL. But I think this is a perfect marriage for Chiefs fans to get some very exciting games. Trust the Reid.
Keon Coleman, WR6, Buffalo Bills
Josh gets a new alpha. This is a gamble pick, picking with the heart. Allen Robinson comp still stands; Keon Coleman is excellent at the catch point and takes pride in making people miss. I think we should all be waiting with bated breath.
Michael Penix Jr, QB5, Atlanta Falcons
NFL, Not For Long. Superflex hawks will be all over this and will always just say take the QBs first. I think Penix has a lot more upside with his legs than a lot of guys in this class, and I stronglyl considered him in Jayden Daniels place. Wouldn’t be surprised to see a Josh Allen like “didn’t know I could do that, I just did it” early in his career.
Bo Nix, QB6, Denver Broncos
Seems like everyone hates Sean Payton these days, but his system has a lot of respect around the league. He gets a system guy. Feels like the right move for a franchise that needs to win sooner rather than later. I think a lot of his stats in the college were manufactured and he was completely unremarkable at Auburn. Trust in Sean Payton on this one I guess.
Jonathan Brooks, RB1, Carolina Panthers
Not concerned about landing spot, fills a need, and if you thought he was a really good player before, nothing has changed. Quality RB draft capital. I think he can go at any point in this group. Just kind of threw him at the end here.
Trey Benson, RB2, Arizona Cardinals
I’m not entirely sold on Trey Benson, I preferred a guy like Audric Estime on tape. But this guy is a mauler and now enters an offense that is likely to highly prioritize space. Get this load moving, in space? Arizona has a reload going.
2.03 Holdddddddddd
Troy Franklin, WR7, Denver Broncos
This one bewilders me honestly, would have been a bit surprised if he fell to the mid third, but I thought he was a lock to go top 60. I can pull up interviews of Dan Lanning talking about how great of a locker room presence Troy was. His production profile is fantastic. Troy is mint. But even if this was late third round draft capital, it’s still concerning. I believe in my assessment on this guy, only pick I have in this years draft is a late 2nd (but look at that he just went early second)—Franklin and Baker will be priority picks for me. Source, Jon Macri PFF; 4th highest career YPRR against single coverage since 2015.
Javon Baker, WR8, New England Patriots
Falls right in line. I figured Baker would be a round 3 guy, but another solid production profile. I liked both New England receivers coming into the draft—New England in my estimation have a great opportunity to move that offense forward by adding Maye, Polk, Baker, and Bell. I think the veterans on that roster, plus the upside of the youngsters is fantastic relative to what we've seen the last couple years.
Source, Jon Macri PFF; 5th highest career YPRR against single coverage since 2015.
2.05 Lots of flash
Blake Corum, RB3, Los Angeles Rams
People have already said it, but I think the Kyren comp works, and I think Blake was arguably one of the best runners in this class. This guy is going to be a steal in rookie drafts.
Ja’Lynn Polk, WR9, New England Patriots
Fantasy wise, I struggle with the Patriots offense; I don’t think it’s going to go bananas, but I think like Baker, Polk has a shot at being a franchise guy. Don’t confuse my hype on Javon Baker for being low on Polk. Had Polk and Baker tied together prior to the draft. I think Polk has shown a little more after the catch, but Baker was a little bit more reliable, and has a little more tape in one on one situations outside.
Roman Wilson, WR10, Pittsburgh Steelers
Does the Steelers streak get snapped here? I don’t think so. If you’re sitting in the mid second and need a player to feel good about, I feel good about Roman. Profile is built around low sample rate stats, and it’s a little funky that Harbaugh didn’t take him when they were obviously looking at receiver. But it’s the Steelers man.
Jaylen Wright, RB4, Miami Dolphins
Classic third year declare, hyper efficient, speed merchant runner going to the Miami Dolphins? Draft capital is meh, but..c’mon. Let’s fucking go.
2.11 Don’t forget
Jalen McMillan, WR11, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Intriguing player that shouldn’t be brushed aside. Was definitively the WR2 in that Washington offense and at times even pushed Odunze for targets. Lackluster landing spot leaves us reeling, but someone to keep an eye on.
Tez Walker, WR12, Baltimore Ravens
Productive junior, that immediately went to a better program to limited success. Reminds me of poor production profile Dyami Brown. Ravens receivers are a pain in the ass.
Late Round – Best of Rest targets
Audric Estime, RB, Denver Broncos
Ray Davis, RB, Buffalo Bills
Jaheim Bell, TE, New England Patriots
Always interested in starting a discussion.
Always here for questions.
Update 5/1
Left the rankings above because they are fairly okay in terms of how I overall value these players. But after completing a rookie draft and the thought exercise it is. I thought positional rankings might be a little clarifying, as well as what type of draft capital I'd spend on them.
QB

1. Caleb Williams, his personality continues to impress me. 1.01
   
2. Drake Maye, new age New England Patriots. Probably taking Marvin over him, but highly regard Maye.
   
3. Michael Penix, gone back and forth on these 3 a number of times. But a great set of weapons, and I think his story is very potent, exceptional player at both Indiana and very productive at Washington. I think the Falcons got this right.
   
4. JJ McCarthy, same tier as Penix, but I think there is less proof in the pudding here. I've had no problem putting him at QB3, I do like him, and I do think there is plenty of evidence to suggest he'll be a great fit in Minnesota.
   
5. Jayden Daniels, fantasy community is on fire with his rushing potential. I think he's fine. I don't trust Washington, and I don't think he has the same profile as Penix or McCarthy. But he was spectacular this past year. Tiered with Penix and McCarthy.
   
6. Bo Nix, who I believed was a system guy in college going to the ultimate system in the NFL. Just because I definitively prefer the other 3 above him, doesn't mean we should just let this guy fall into the second round of rookie drafts.
   

RB

1. Jonathan Brooks, not a surprise. Becomes an easy value in the late first. Probably taking him over all but 4 receivers.
   
2. Trey Benson, I have some mild vision concerns about Trey, but I love the landing spot and think he could be a scary part of a three headed monster in Kyler, Marvin, and him. Late first.
   
3. Blake Corum, going to lean on my predraft evaluations, I just think his vision, wiggle, and contact balance are supreme. I think he's got a similar outcome in the NFL as Joe Mixon. Tiered with Jaylen.
   
4. Jaylen Wright, I think he should be an early second round pick in rookie drafts. Miami gave up their 2025 3rd round pick for him. If I used a Joe Mixon comp above, I'll use a Dalvin Cook comp here. I'd take him mid second, in fact I did.
   
5. Marshawn Lloyd. It just makes sense, he fits a role in that RB room. Honestly we got spoiled, all the flashy rushing programs (McVay, LaFleur, McDaniel) drafted another guy.
   

WR

1. Marvin Harrison. Just don't over think it. Great player to a system that NEEDS him with a QB that has helped receivers produce WR1 seasons in the past. Should be off the board in the first 3 picks everywhere, usually the second pick.
   
2. Malik Nabers. Love him, not concerned about landing spot because I think he is that good. Think Sammy Watkins year one here.
   
3. Rome Odunze. Don't over think it either. The world loved him before the draft, DJM is in the last year of his deal with any real dead money. Keenan is a one year rental. Could be the only receiver on that team in a year. (won't be)
   
4. Keon Coleman. Heart pick. The math tells us no, but my body is telling me yes. Had a friend call him Kelvin Benjamin, which made me laugh. He's obviously not the physical specimen and likely isn't going to turn fat. But he might just be a guy that out physicals people on the outside in inefficient situations, but does enough to stay in the fantasy conversation. My comp still is Allen Robinson, and I have confidence in that Bills team. But this is a guy that you shouldn't be afraid to cross off your board.
   

This is a tier of pick 'ems. My guys in order by what I'd recommend to others are Roman Wilson, Troy Franklin, Javon Baker. If you like Polk throw Polk ahead of the bunch on draft capital alone. If you love Ladd, it's fine take him before all 4 of these guys. Everyone else, their profiles don't speak to me in a way that actually impacts me.

1. Troy Franklin. Good system, good player.
   
2. Javon Baker. More of an uphill battle with Polk being draft so much earlier. But I think he eventually comes down with enough balls to become a major part of this offense.
   
3. Roman Wilson. I'd take Roman over the above two at any time. Steelers pick, and he was just productive when called upon at Michigan. The bummer here is he wasn't called on frequently and the Chargers drafted Ladd over him. It's weird.
   
4. Jalynn Polk. Never be afraid to lean on the draft capital. There's an easy argument that one should be taking Polk/Wilson then BakeFranklin. But I don't know if the marginal draft capital is here, especially once we start getting career YPRR's involved.
   

Introduction
It's obvious that feminists treat men like a monolith, and there's a group of men they generalize men off of, and these are the only genuine misogynists out there. First, this thread of mine cites a lot of evidence about how most sexism towards women is actually benevolent sexism, a form of sexism that treats women like they're special and positively for being women, often in an infantilizing and coddling way. This is the type of sexism perpetuated by feminists, and feminists think hostile sexism (i.e.: misogyny) is the norm. It isn't. In fact, misogyny was never historically the norm, and I elaborate on that in the thread about how most sexism towards women is benevolent sexism.
Here's an important finding: hostile sexism towards women, hostile sexism towards men, benevolent sexism towards women, and benevolent sexism towards men, all are correlated. In fact, benevolent and hostile sexism tend to be correlated. The problem is, in my thread of how most sexism towards women is benevolent, I explain how the hostile sexism scale is heavily flawed and often involves critiques on feminism or statements that are actually true. There is a hostility toward women scale which, despite some flaws, is far more accurate. As a result, I can't say that most benevolently sexist people are also hostilely sexist. They're probably not. Hostile sexism is unusual. If someone scores high on the hostile sexism scale, but low on benevolent sexism, then I could assume they're actually hostilely sexist.
Now this brings the type of men feminists generalize men off of: misogynistic men. They're not necessarily any guy who believes in a traditional gender role nor is it a guy who criticizes something about a woman and nothing more.
Misogynistic men tend to be highly promiscuous men, contrary to the popular virgin misogynist stereotype.
There's this common misconception, especially online, that misogynistic men are often virgins and virgin men are more misogynistic. Nowadays, there's a lot of researchers who believe in this myth, and have conducted studies showing that unwanted virginity is associated with higher levels of misogyny or endorsement of violence against women. Nonetheless, these studies have flawed methodology. I made a thread about 2 years ago debunking some study saying this.
This study was conducted to find out why there are men who are hostilely sexist but not benevolently sexist. Hostile sexism and benevolent sexism are correlated, but it could be because self-admitted benevolently sexist people (feminists are benevolently sexist but don't act honest) are more likely to critique feminism more. People who score low-to-moderate on benevolent sexism but score high on hostile sexism probably are the genuinely hostilely sexist types. The study found that men who perceived themselves as low in mate value were not more benevolently sexist as they became more hostilely sexist, especially if they were single. Nonetheless, self-perception is subjective. For example, they found that objective levels of sexual/dating experience and self-perceived mate value were only moderately correlated, and self-perceived socioeconomic status and actual socioeconomic status were just moderately correlated. Men who perceived themselves as lower in socioeconomic status did not score lower on benevolent sexism as their hostile sexism increased. Nonetheless, maybe men who perceived themselves as low in mate value without being objectively low in mate value were the hostilely sexist ones, rather than ones who were feeling that way because it matches reality. For example, they said: "These effects emerged when controlling for SES and relationship history, both of which correlated as expected with social status and mate value, respectively." Additionally, their measure of objective dating history was asking how many partners, dates, etc. they had in their lifetime or in the past 3 months. A man who has been in a relationship for a long time without cheating would answer just 1, for example. Even the ones who objectively scored lower on dating history could have those circumstances instead or just average levels of dating success or ability to attract women, rather than people who actually deal with unwanted dating/sexual inexperience. I bet a low percent of these men were truly virgins, let alone ones dealing with unwanted virginity. The ones who were virgins probably were disproportionately the youngest participants (ages 18 to 20). The researchers concluded that men who are truly misogynistic are just ones who perceive themselves as unattractive to women, but not men who perceive themselves as low in socioeconomic status. Nonetheless, it doesn't show the full story.
This study examined how prevalent sexism was in people. Measuring benevolent sexism and hostile sexism, they found:

Our results show, for the first time, that by far, the most common pattern was for people to hold similar levels of BS and HS. Strongly ambivalent sexists, however, constituted only 8%–9% of the population. Most were classified as mild or moderate ambivalent sexists (28% and 44%, respectively). Univalent sexism was exceedingly rare, with between 2% and 5% of people solely endorsing HS but not BS, or BS but not HS.

I doubt people are often hostilely sexist at all, but it could be benevolently sexist people often critique feminism or believe there's less sexism towards women in society than feminists claim or believe women don't appreciate enough of what men do for them, and believe society overemphasizes men being antagonistic towards women rather than benevolent towards women (men are far more likely to be the latter than the former). People who score low on benevolent sexism but high on hostile sexism, as a result, might be the real misogynists. It's not that people who are solely benevolently sexist are rare, it's that most tend to critique feminism, but people who are actually hostilely sexist are, indeed, a minuscule percent of people (3.3% of the men and 1.0% of the women).
This study shows that unwanted celibacy is associated with misogynistic attitudes and pro-rape attitudes and there's other studies showing this as shown in this video by Alexander from Date Psychology where he shows who is more misogynistic. He also shows experimental studies where a fictional woman rejects men and then it shows it made those men misogynistic, but that wasn't showing which men do get rejected a lot and it could be it doesn't make men more misogynistic depending on how much he values being the ultimate stud (which I elaborate more later on this post). The problem is that these studies only look at self-perceived dating success or how experienced a person self-perceives themself. You can't say ask them how experienced they are or how good at dating they are. Look at this:
Processing img 9dr872ll2rwc1...
When measuring objectively how experienced men are, it was very different. Alexander from Date Psychology conducted his research but the scale was still subjective self-perception:
I am tell enough that I stand out from other men.
I do better than most men on dating apps.
Physically, I am more muscular than most other men.
As far as facial attractiveness, I am more attractive than most other men.
I have a lower body fat percentage than most other men.
I would consider myself to have an attractive chin and jawline.
I would consider myself to have attractive eyes.
I have a full and good head of hair.
Women approach me for dates more often than they do to most other men.
When I flirt with women, it often goes well for me.
I have been more sexually successful than most other men.
Even as a teenager and young adult, I was good with women.
I regularly get compliments from women on my appearance.
Throughout my adult life, I have not gone long periods of time without a sexual or romantic partner.
I often recognize benefits in my life from being attractive outside of dating contexts, such as at work
Not just that, but even when he measured objective levels of experience, he found that obviously self-identified incels scored high on the Extreme Misogyny Scale, but the involuntarily sexless men who did not identify as incel (which most don't) did score only just somewhat higher than other men (M = involuntary sexless men who don't identify as incel 37.59, M = non-incels/sexless men 32.17, p = 0.001, d = .47). However, the scale does include statements that any involuntary virgin man could relate to or accurate statements, like "I have uneasy feelings of nervousness and fear around girls", which could mean shyness, or "to see another male be successful with females is torture", which just means jealousy, or "if a man is all alone, people get the impression that girls are repulsed by him, and therefore he is a worthless loser", which is true and can be a stigma society does actually perpetuate against male virgins:
Processing img mc5bn5ut3rwc1...
As a result, those kinds of statements could be why involuntarily sexless men who don't identify as incel only scored somewhat higher. Moreover, there could be a sampling bias. The dude didn't show, and probably won't be honest about, how he got his participants, and there's a high overrepresentation of incels and involuntary sexless men in his sample. Maybe involuntary sexless men who don't identify as incels but are still misogynistic disproportionately came in contact with or chose to respond more to the survey compared to involuntary sexless men who neither identify as incel nor are misogynous. Alexander doesn't elaborate on how he got his sample.
Misogynistic men often perceive themselves as unattractive to women, despite being promiscuous. They weren't virgins who couldn't get dates.
When studies measured objective sexual/romantic experience, they find a different result. Yes, misogynistic men often perceive themselves as unattractive to women, but they aren't. In fact, statistics show they tend to have many more sex partners, dating partners, one-night stands, etc. They are promiscuous men. They also often are involved more in fraternities and sports, not nerd activities (They are more involved in gaming groups, but that's not necessarily nerdy, given that most men have played videogames before. They just often are involved in male-oriented groups. That's what it is.). They tend to be hypermasculine and believe they need to be as masculine as they can to be real men. Rapists also consistently were found to have more sex partners, more dating partners, and earlier ages of first intercourse/first lifetime dates. Misogynistic men also were more likely to commit sexual assault and rapists often were misogynistic. Nonetheless, male intimate partner violence offenders against girlfriends usually weren't misogynistic. They were just generally violent people with criminal records. So why are rapists misogynistic but not men who commit intimate partner violence? In fact, misogynistic men were not necessarily more likely to commit intimate partner violence unless they thought their girlfriend lacked commitment.
Rapists have often complained in interviews of too many women rejecting them. Nonetheless, they were found to be highly promiscuous. They often pursued women very frequently, hung out in bars, parties and clubs a lot and talked about sex with friends more. They masturbated more, went to strip clubs more, had sex with prostitutes more, had more orgasms, and watched more porn. Nonetheless, this is because rapists (and misogynistic men in general) had unusually high aspirations about how successful with dating they should be. They can have a high number of partners and regular sex, and think they are no more successful than a middle-aged virgin because they don't have sex everyday, have hundreds of partners and a 0% rejection rate. As a result, these kind of guys self-perceive themselves as unattractive to women or not getting any dates or sex even though they do. It's like someone with muscle dysmorphia thinking they have no muscle when they do because of their body image disorder. This is why studies showing that unwanted celibacy is associated with misogyny or pro-rape attitudes probably usually feature experienced men who think they struggle when they don't because they want to be the most promiscuous, attractive chick magnet on Earth. Those men are more common than involuntary adult virgins, who probably comprised a minuscule percent of the sample and would be a minuscule sample size.
Research shows misogynistic men tend to be generally aggressive, violent or hostile people, which predicted violent attitudes toward women, hostile masculinity, impersonal sex, and hostility toward women, and hostility toward women and hostile masculinity predicted both sexual and nonsexual aggression. Sexual dominance also predicted sexual aggression, but not nonsexual aggression. Nonetheless, when controlling for general hostility, misogynistic men were still more aggressive in sexual and nonsexual ways towards women, especially during provocation. Non-misogynistic men were only somewhat more aggressive towards women during high provocation, but more so towards men when provoked. Misogynistic men were more aggressive towards men when provoked (but not as much as non-misogynistic men), but were more aggressive towards women than they were towards men when provoked. Rapists also were generally aggressive people. Misogynistic men and rapists often are violent towards men, too, but it could be because they believe they need to be violent in order to be manly. A study found that although beliefs in being tough are associated with hostility toward women, masculine gender role stress (anxieties about one's masculinity) did not mediate this association, but mediated the association between having good status as a man in society or anti-femininity norms and the two's association with hostility toward women. They concluded it's unknown what mediates hostility toward women and toughness, but it could be possible that men who belief in toughness are generally hostile, including toward men.
Misogynistic men, who are often hypermasculine, often are anxious about how masculine they are and their ability to have prestige or status as a man, and they try to be as masculine as possible for this reason. This could be related to the idea that this is necessary in order to attract women, given that women are attracted to traditionally masculine men. They also believe they need to be the ultimate stud who has as many sex partners as possible or a zero percent rejection rate, and due to their high aspirations about their sex life, they tend to believe they are no more successful than a middle-aged virgin even if they're experienced as it gets. A study had found that misogynistic men had high dark triad traits (machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism), a higher need for chaos, a higher social dominance orientation, and a higher score on radicalism and activism. They found that men who were sexless by choice and men who were sexless because they lacked opportunity both were NOT more misogynistic. Involuntarily sexless men scored lower on misogyny (and this is noteworthy, given that the Extreme Misogyny Scale has statements about jealousy towards men who have girlfriends, love-shyness or the stigma against male virgins, not just actually misogynistic statements), and they also scored lower on dark triad traits, social dominance orientation, radicalism, activism and a need for chaos. Men who had more interest in more sex were less misogynistic, but men who are sexless by choice still were not very misogynistic. Men who had high interest in lots of sex and a lot of sex partners were the least misogynistic compared to everyone else, BUT men who had low-to-moderate levels of interest in sex but lots of sex partners were highly misogynistic. The issue is that men who know how much they attract women and who want to sleep around and successfully do tend to lack misogyny, so if a guy knows how successful he is and genuinely likes to have sex with women, he probably really likes women. Men who feel they need to sleep around even though they don't want to and believe they need to be the ultimate stud are often misogynists, but men who want to have sex but objectively struggle with dating aren't misogynistic. They don't care about being the ultimate promiscuous chick magnet (they just want a girlfriend), and they score low on dark triad traits, social dominance orientation, etc., so of course their lack of success won't make them misogynous.
Does this mean misogynistic men are chick magnets? Not quite. They might be, especially given that hypermasculine men tend to attract women and they are very macho (although it's because they try too hard to be macho). Nonetheless, they probably aren't necessarily chick magnets, if ever. This doesn't mean they cannot attract women though. You need at least some ability to attract women to sleep around, and involuntary sexless men already have low standards due to their lack of options (contrary to the stereotype that they only want supermodels) yet still struggle because they can't attract women and thus lack opportunity. Misogynistic men probably have at least average ability to attract women, and they tend to be full of dark triad traits. Dark triad men tend to mimic charming behaviors to attract people, and often have very low standards just to increase their number of partners and have as much sex as possible. They tend to be focused on short-term mating, and misogynistic men, dark triad men, and rapists tend to prefer casual sex over relationships and although dark triad men, rapists and misogynous men have relationships, they tend to be bad in their relationships, lack emotional intimacy and faithfulness, and their relationships last quicker. Dark triad men and misogynistic men both have low standards to sleep around with tons of women and they pursue women super often and this leads to them being promiscuous rather than because they're chick magnets. Men who actually struggle to attract women would not have opportunity to sleep around or even have sex or dates much at all (if at all). Dark triad men and misogynous men or rapists tend to be at least average in their ability to attract women, but they have low standards and pursue women very often to sleep around. It's not necessarily being a chick magnet with high ability to attract women that causes the promiscuity in them, but they don't actually struggle with dating or attracting women.
Dark triad men tend to be more prone to endorsing rape and committing rape, and they tend to be about sleeping around all the time. Hostile sexism accounted for, not all, but a substantial amount of dark triad traits in both men and women, and that it might be why men score higher in dark triad traits, given that including hostile sexism as a variable reduced gender differences in dark triad traits. Another study found that dark triad predicted more benevolent and hostile sexism in men and women, and that singularly, narcissism predicted benevolent sexism in men and psychopathy predicted hostile sexism in women. This study found that when it comes to dark triad traits, entitlement predicted sexual dominance and negativity toward women, anger predicted the most hostility toward women, and erratic lifestyle predicted impersonal sexual attitudes/behavior. In other words, dark triad men and misogynous men are two sides of the same coin. The important fact to remember is virgin men in other studies (although it did not distinguish between voluntary and involuntary virgin men but a previously mentioned study did) did not score higher on hostility toward women or acceptance of violence, and actually scored lower on pro-rape attitudes or believing people owed them sex. Admittedly, in one sample of 65 men with a mean age of 19.9 years (SD = 1.3), of the 15 virgin men, the virgin men reported more attraction to sexual aggression (M = 12.40) than the experienced men (M = 7.98). Nonetheless, the sample size of virgin men was small and aforementioned studies showed results indicating the opposite finding. Furthermore, people who are virgins or who have a low number of sexual partners by young adulthood engage in less antisocial behaviors as adolescents (Contrary to popular belief, antisocial doesn't mean socially withdrawn or introverted. That's being asocial. Antisocial means lacking empathy and violating the rights of others, being characteristic of antisocial personality disorder.) Moreover, men who have served time in prison were significantly less likely to be virgins (and obviously prison rape victims won't count themselves as sexually experienced, so clearly this means even before prison, they were less likely than the general population to be a virgin). Male criminals often were found to lose their virginity early and have a high number of sexual partners. Virgin men are not more likely to be violent, and if anything, they are less violent. Here's another fact: 100% of intimate partner violence and homicide offenders have romantic/sexual experiences. Admittedly, many of these studies don't distinguish between involuntary and voluntary virgins, but it's common for virgin men to be involuntary virgins compared to virgin women, so if they were misogynistic or prone to rape, it'd still show perhaps an association, and a previously mentioned study showed involuntary virgin men scored lower on misogyny, dark triad traits, etc.
There's evidence to show that dark triad traits are linked to pro-rape attitudes and sexual assault and that dark triad traits being more common in men could explain why men are more likely to be hostilely sexist towards women than women are and why men are more sexually aggressive. Furthermore, dark triad traits appear to be an evolutionary mating tactic in men to have more sex and is a reproductive mating strategy (remember, nature and evolution are amoral), which explains why men are more sexually aggressive than women. Our closest living relatives, chimpanzees, use sexual coercion and it was linked in them to more reproductive success. Rape has been found in many species (but it's called forced copulation). In fact, a study found that while some sexually assaulted men and women (about a quarter of them) had sex with their offender on at least one subsequent occasion, there was a noteworthy difference about female victims versus male ones:

Female victims of a completed sexual assault were significantly more likely to continue being sexually active with their assailants than were female victims who managed to block the assault, while no such difference was found for male victims. This would imply that some men are using assaultive tactics to secure sex partners beyond a single sexual episode, thereby enhancing their potential reproductive success in evolutionary terms. Also, men who committed sexual assault reported having had more lifetime sex partners than did sexually experienced men with no sexual assault history. Overall, the idea that sexual assault is part of an evolved reproductive strategy is consistent with findings from this study.

There's also evidence that misogynistic men are more likely to have impregnated someone before.
Self-identified incels and "manosphere" people are the vocal minority of misogynists, not the majority.
Compared to other men, red pilled men were found to have the same numbers of sex partners and self-reported dating app success (although the dating app success question is self-perception). Self-identified incels and involuntary adult virgins were found to be very similar in their circumstances and characteristics, with their views on women or humanity being an exception. Adult virgins disproportionately were races like Asian or Indian, living with parents, had poor social lives in adulthood or were bullied or shunned growing up and did not socially integrate. They often missed out many social experiences in their teens/20s. Self-identified incels had more in common with other adult involuntary virgins than they did with the usual, silent majority of misogynistic men who aren't part of the manosphere. Obviously, it's not zero percent of involuntarily sexless men who are misogynistic. It's hard for it to be precisely zero percent among any group of people. Nonetheless, they are not disproportionately misogynistic. Maybe the low minority who are tend to be the ones who disproportionately join incel forums, but many incels who join these forums originally were not misogynistic but had their views affected by these forums. Typically, self-identified incels join these forums for belongingness due to society's dismissive, stigmatizing attitude toward socially isolated men who lack social or dating/sexual lives. For the low minority of involuntary virgin men who are misogynistic, it's unknown why they are, but those kinds of men are not more misogynistic, and in fact, are less misogynistic compared to the average man.
Conclusions
Only a low percentage of men were found to be misogynistic. Most sexism toward women is benevolent sexism. Although benevolently sexist people could have critical views of feminism or disagree with the idea of women facing discrimination in society, they aren't misogynistic (i.e.: negativity or hatred toward women). Men who are truly misogynistic are unusual and they have a lot of dark triad traits and these traits are evolutionary mating strategies with mostly short-term mating goals. Dark triad men and misogynistic men are two sides of the same coin, and they tend to believe they need to be the ultimate stud with a zero percent rejection rate and many sex partners, and believe they must be extremely macho and have a lot of status or success as men, presumably because they believe it affects their ability to attract women. Although they have only at least average ability to attract women, they tend to have low standards and pursue women often to have many sex partners, and perceive themselves as unattractive to women and involuntarily celibate even though they're clear not due to their unusually high aspirations about how much of a stud they should be. These men are much more likely to commit rape, and they are only more likely to commit intimate partner violence if they worry about their partner lacking commitment. Nonetheless, despite entering relationships, they tend to prefer casual sex and promiscuity, and they're more likely to cheat, get cheated on, and have less good relationships with their girlfriends (not all of them have bad relationships, but disproportionately, they do have worse relationships).
These men have dark triad traits as an evolutionary mating strategy to increase reproductive success, and mimicking charming behaviors to get consensual sex, committing rapes (Nonetheless, not all of them rape.), pursuing women often and lowering standards are their strategies. Sexual gratification and having more sexual experience is the main motive among rapists, with the "Rape is about power" idea being a feminist myth. Rape is an evolutionary tactic (evolution is amoral), but socialization, such as society putting pressure on men to be chick magnets who have regular sex amplifies this issue among these men, and increases the number of men who are hypersensitive to rejection, who believe women are obliged to date them, and who commit rape. Wanting to sleep around with tons of women and be the ultimate stud, and feeling like one is unattractive to women because they don't have a zero percent rejection rate and hundreds of new partners everyday is the main reason why men become misogynistic, not because of socialization (society teaches benevolent sexism and chivalry, not hate or violence against women). Society's pressure on men to be sexually active studs causes men to feel they should be attractive to women and able to have sex regularly, which could then cause misogyny, but that's not the result society intends. Men also become misogynistic when they feel like they should be as manly as possible, with presumably the reason being that it's necessary to attract women. Intimate partner violence offenders, on the other hand, don't tend to be misogynists. They are just generally violent people, and they and other male criminals were two sides of the same coin, just caught for different crimes. Misogynistic men were NOT normative men at all and were just a low minority of men.
Involuntarily celibate men were not more misogynistic or violent, and actually were less so. The ones who are misogynistic and self-identify as incels (most reject the incel label) are just exceptions. The "manosphere" is the vocal minority of misogynists, whereas the usual ones are a silent, ignored majority. Misogynistic men and rapists don't struggle with dating nor are they inexperienced with dating/sex.
Obviously, there are people who say "well they probably overreport how many partners they have" but these men exaggerate how unsuccessful they are with dating, so why would they overreport many sex partners and make themselves look confusing? They're probably being truthful, especially given that they're found to be prone to short-term mating (despite also being in relationships, too). There are rapists who rape little kids or old women, but those are the low minority of rapists. Most sexual abuse of children involves fondling and elderly people are rarely sexually assaulted. Rapists' victims, even older rapist's victims, tend to be disproportionately young women, with the typical age of rape victims being the age women's reproductive value peaks and that most men find the most attractive. Even robbers who rape their victims have younger victims, on average, compared to robbers who only rob them. This is true regardless of robbers' age. Female homicide victims who were raped also tend be younger than female victims of homicide who also were victims of theft.
TL;DR
These are the men feminists generalize men off of, despite being a low minority of men, and most men being the polar opposite of them. Dark triad men who believe they need to be the most promiscuous stud on Earth (and engage in promiscuity) despite not wanting to engage in promiscuity, and who believe they should be hypermasculine because of their concerns about how it affects their mating success are the only kind of men who are misogynistic.
The irony is feminists engage in a lot of virgin shaming.

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Memory Transcription Subject: Tassi, Bissem Alien Liaison
Date [standardized human time]: June 20, 2160
The Sapient Coalition’s scouting party outside their space hadn’t paid dividends so far; it’d been combing potentially habitable worlds for any clues, while also searching for an opportune place to set up a listening post. If there was one thing that this incident proved, it was the value of having eyes and ears even beyond their area of official control. General Naltor had suddenly begun turning up to the SC meetings, ever since Loxsel’s appearance; the Selmer military man was bored witless, as the first few candidate worlds showed no signs of intelligent life. He’d wanted to glean info about any species that would threaten another, not talk about worker safety standards.
It was about seven days of travel time from the Paltan-human outpost they’d launched from, and several vessels were sweeping outward in a gradual search pattern; more ships were being ferried from our locale to replace their presence at the border. I supposed the Terrans wanted to be playing with a full deck, knowing the full geopolitical scene before tearing off toward the site of the Sivkit incursion. For all we were aware, it could be a sacred system they were sworn to protect, or a hotly-contested outpost for an external war. I still thought it cowardice to fire on civilian ships, just as Naltor had frowned upon Zalk for mishandling a captured Dustin. However, I wanted all the facts before rendering judgment.
The last thing our allies need is to go in guns blazing, and tear through another party’s territory, causing this to balloon even further. An advanced race like the one that mopped up the Sivkit ships with petrifying precision could have military resources further out to stop us, and they might be on high alert, too. We should proceed with caution.
When the Coalition assemblage convened at an off-hour, we all hoped that a planet they’d landed on had offered up answers. By the time I’d hustled into the Bissem section of the hall, lagging behind the longer-legged Naltor and Zalk, Secretary-General Kuemper had already cast a live feed from a research vessel onto the screen. It was taking readings from an icy globe below, with temperatures that, once converted into Ivranan units, would make even a hearty Selmer like Naltor shiver. The planet was near-totally white in coloration, with only the slightest specks of blue or brown. Hirs, I’d freeze my feathers off down there! This world had dismal prospects of hosting life, but some biomarkers detected by the SC team must have added this celestial body to their sweep.
“Hello, Dr. Rosario. I believe most of the Coalition representatives are present, so shall we brief them on the mission?” Kuemper asked.
“Gladly. I’m Dr. Sara Rosario, and if you haven’t been living under a rock for the past two decades, my qualifications speak for themselves. I have a track record of pushing the boundaries of science on new frontiers.” A human with a curly white mane and glasses cleared her throat, sitting in a lab on a spaceship. Her image was a small box in the corner of the screen, between the alternating viewport angles. “At any rate, we’re in an orbital holding pattern above this body. We’ve been in touch with UN command, and we’re conducting planetary surveys from scientific research vessels. This world is quite interesting; there’s derelict space infrastructure, as you can see on Feed B.”
Sara swiped some button on her holographic display, ensuring that the rotation skipped to dormant stations…with a suspicious lack of satellites. Any society that was spacefaring would have some sort of comm buoys or satellites, unless they discovered some higher tier of technology. If they had been destroyed, that would leave debris; however, this left the impression that such tech had either been scooped up by someone else, or vaporized without a trace. Perhaps I was way off in my assumptions, but those thoughts sent a chill down my feathers. I could see Naltor’s eyes hardening and his beak setting as well.
“It’s apparent that this world was inhabited, and was either occupied by, or native to a spacefaring race. I use the past tense because we’ve been unable to detect any life signatures, active signals, or industrial byproducts of any kind,” Dr. Rosario continued, worry lines creasing her temples. “I fear that someone eliminated the resident species from above, though I cannot confirm this. There are several context clues that lead me to believe this was no inside job. For starters, it’s too neat.”
Angren ambassador Panni stood, clearing her throat. “How do we know that, since they’re spacefaring, they didn’t choose to leave of their own volition? Look how inhospitable their world is!”
“With all due respect to the Angren Matriarchy, your world, Wesk, is on the fringes of the habitable zone on the opposite end of the spectrum, and you haven’t packed up shop. It’s harsh by most species’ standards, but it’s part of who you are. As the Sivkits show, very few species forsake their homeworld by choice, whatever the official story might be.”
“But isn’t it possible?” Tierkel Rockchief Tirinmo rose his staff into the air to call for attention; his thickset body was covered in gray fur, and his cublike ears twitching with importance. “Humanity should know that there’s always a few exceptions. For a spacefaring species, it’s strange that there wouldn’t be any signs of an overhead battle, if this was a forced exodus. That, or it’s possible that the planet snuffed out all plant growth with its icy maelstrom.”
Sara chuckled. “We’re not ruling out any possibilities; I’m just leading with my best hypothesis based on the available data. It doesn’t surprise me that a species that lives in the desert, and needs to bask in the sun for your wellbeing, would also imagine that you’d want to leave this planet at the first opportunity. I’m sure they’d think the same of your climate, so let’s try not to inject our own biases.”
“I apologize if I was. I just don’t want to be like the Federation, and leap to the worst assumptions. There isn’t any concrete evidence that this was a forced exit.”
“Quite right, Rockchief. We’ll go wherever the science leads, and hearing other theories doesn’t hurt; the last thing we want is to get tunnel vision. We’re sending drones for a closer look, to gather images of the planet’s surface, and also to see if there’s any data or other clues we can extract aboard the stations.”
“Dr. Rosario, why aren’t you imaging the planet from your current location? It’s much safer and efficient, and it’s how these things have always been done,” Mazic President Quipa trumpeted.
The human scientist sighed. “We used the vessel’s onboard Synthetic Aperture Radar to map the ground features, but we’re mostly just detecting snow and ice. The atmosphere is too thick and the snowstorms too ferocious to gather other kinds of images. There clearly was a civilization that utilized this world; there’s the occasional disturbance that suggests sapient activity at some point. However, I’d wager they made their dwellings underground, where only a drone can get a clearer picture.”
“What does this have to do with the attack on the Sivkits?” Verin ambassador Hrone queried; a distant memory popped up in my mind, that they’d created the old telescopes and lenses the Federation used to seek out new life. This SAR was likely replacing their additions to the Coalition, which might’ve accounted for the hint of disdain. “I don’t see why we’re investigating this.”
“We don’t know if this world is related at all, but we’re poking around in the neighboring bubble for context,” Kuemper provided the response, rather than Sara Rosario. “If this is a force with a habit of killing other spacefaring species, we have a mandate to nip it in the bud, before they crash our borders. We should’ve cataloged any potential threats skirting our borders long ago, but we’ve had too many problems inside of them.”
Naltor bobbed his beak in agreement, and I brooded within my own thoughts in quiet contemplation. I’d be much happier to side with Panni and Tirinmo’s theories, about abandoning the planet or dying of natural causes; however, my gut instinct when I first saw the absence of satellites told a different story. This was yet another species that had lost its homeworld, just like Haliska’s species, and had been the victim of interstellar despots. Was there zero kindness in the stars, aside from the outstretched hands of the humans? As for the connection, it had to be someone who could best a spacefaring civilization, and mop up the scene without a trace.
There’s no guarantee that it’s related; for all we know, the Sivkits were fired upon because their attackers thought they were with whoever destroyed this ice world. It might be more complex…or it could just be that their aggressors are genocidal maniacs. Perhaps Sara will find more clues.
A new feed shifted onto the screen, taking front and center. A research drone had reached a site of a presumed settlement, poking around with ground-penetrating radar for signs of civilization. Gasps reverberated throughout the vaulting hall, as we realized the image that had been cobbled together. Beneath years of snow, there was crater impact after crater impact—as though to make sure that nobody had survived an orbital bombardment. Debris was visible of what seemed to be collapsed shelters, entombing the souls within. A few skeletal remains were visible, bodies preserved in ice that had dodged immediate vaporization.
There was no question that this was an outside job, with some outside party blanketing the surface with bombs. Sara’s eyebrows had knitted together, horrified by what she was seeing. The stream silently switched over to the automaton sifting through a station. It seemed like someone had staged the scene to look like this species were fighting each other, arranging their bodies in each other’s directions with claws specifically curled around guns. Had they expected us not to question this, when there were zero signs of dried blood? The drone zoomed in on their craniums…zooming in on binocular eyes.
“I think we all just saw with our own eyes that alien visitors wiped them off the map. Who would go to all this trouble to hide their own involvement; to paint a picture that they’d killed each other?” Sara demanded. “Please tell me this isn’t what it looks like. Another extraterrestrial race hellbent on exterminating a predator species, just for their eye placement?
Zalk rose from his seat, an agitated look in his eyes. “Are these the ghost exterminators who attacked Alsh? They have the blood of these beings, and millions of innocent Tseia, on their flippers! If we’re chasing those monsters, we have to make them pay!”
“Unlikely,” Kuemper interjected. “That is a lot of antimatter to have at their disposal, and…if exterminators had the power to ambush an entire planet, since this spacefaring species seems to have been caught oddly unaware, then they’d have come for us already. The fleet that did this must be powerful, massive, and capable of an impressive cleanup operation.”
Naltor hesitated, before standing up alongside the Tseia. “Apologies for the interruption, but I must ask. If these aggressors target predators, would we be a prime target?”
“And why target the Sivkits? How do we know it has anything to do with Federation ideology?” I chimed in, supporting my comrades.
“Bissem delegation, you ask valid questions, but I’m afraid we have no answers at this time. What we know is what you’re seeing live,” the Secretary-General responded. “Rest assured, we’ll protect all allies and independent powers within the Coalition’s sphere of influence. This does change things though, if it traces back to who attacked the Sivkits. It shows they’re capable of genociding an entire species.”
Dr. Rosario pursed her lips, a weary look on her face. “I’m…I’m going to collect samples of the DNA from the skulls, in the hopes of resurrecting this species. They’ll be lumped in with the 62 extinct races we were already working on bringing back.”
“Will they even be the same species with your customs?” Onso leaned forward against his desk, reddish ears pinned back against his head. “I respect your intentions, but the Yotul lost our identity when the Federation turned our world to their customs. And unlike the extinct races here, there is zero record of their culture—of what they once were—to even attempt to pass down.”
“The cultural losses are regrettable, but the alternative is that this species continues not to exist in any capacity,” Kuemper countered. “There are some things that make us innately human, or in your case, innately Yotul, that are worth preserving. We’ll search for any information that we can pass down when they’re brought back.”
“With all due respect, you don’t even know the species’ name! The most basic piece of their heritage!”
“Perhaps we can learn, when we find out who did this. Or perhaps there’s something that wasn’t so thoroughly scrubbed, as the electronics here seem to have been. Dr. Rosario, do what’s necessary to create a genetic profile, and bring your samples back to Paltan space at once.”
“Yes, ma’am. Research vessels are hardly the ones that should be going toe-to-toe with whoever did this,” Sara hissed, a deep sorrow glistening in her pupils. “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I’ll terminate the broadcast on that paltry note. Take care, diplomats of the Coalition.”
The Secretary-General studied her polished shoes, as the screen went dark. “You must all discuss what you’ve seen, but I believe what we must do is a bygone conclusion. This is most likely the work of the Sivkit attackers, so we must make haste toward that locale. Every second we tarry is time that another species could fall to these monsters. It’s time to mobilize for an all-out war.”
“Here we go,” Naltor whispered to Zalk, as the meeting disbanded; the Huddledom and Confederation representatives walked off together, a glum Dustin skulked off behind us, and I lingered to eavesdrop. “We need to study the footage that was found of these carnivores, and work together to safeguard Ivrana from something similar. Mass-producing your tech is all that could help.”
The Tseia shifted in his seat. “I fear the consequences of arming the Selmer and the Vritala, but we could try working with Lassmin. No matter what’s going on at home, we’ll stand together if they come for us. Now might be a good time to bring the Arxur into the fold. My people know how to build upon alien tech.”
“Perhaps we could ask for an advance on their ships. We’d have to go through Onso, but a little down payment for our troubles wouldn’t hurt. What do you think, Tassi?”
The thought of witnessing firsthand an interstellar bloodbath, similar to the ones which stained this region’s history, sent a chill through my veins. With our helplessness if a powerful foe descended into our vicinity, hunting for carnivores to massacre, Kaisal’s offer of starships and weapon sharing suddenly sounded much more like a lifeline. Between ghost exterminators lost in the wind and this new threat that’d wiped out other “predators” with startling efficacy, Ivrana had a lot of threats to contend with. We needed to convince the Bissem nations to stop fighting each other, and turn our resources to leveling the playing field; our survival could depend on it in the near future.
“I think if the SC is off fighting someone else, then we really don’t need the Arxur turning forceful. We should get the gears in motion, before their patience expires,” I sighed. “If we have an opportunity to bring the Collective in, as a military ally, we have no choice. I’ll leave it to you two to figure out how, and when, to make your moves, and bring the Selmer and the Vritala onboard.”
Naltor chuckled deviously. “With a new…possibly carnivore race discovered, it gives the Arxur a reason to step in and offer aid. I’m sure Kaisal will have thoughts about a new force persecuting predators.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind. Whoever told him about this, it wasn’t us, right Naltor?”
“Of course not. We’d have to go through Onso, so the trail would lead back to him anyway—though we should establish back channels for communication. I like the way you think sometimes, you cutthroat wanderbird. You’re predictable in being only out for your own self-interest, with a few scruples thrown in here and there.”
“As are you. I can’t stand you, but I can work with you in a time like this.”
I stood, a numb feeling enshrouding me. “I’ll leave you to it.”
I wouldn’t have believed a few months ago that I’d involve myself with generals scheming for a political foothold among aliens, but I was beginning to accept the reality that friendship and safety up here wasn’t so simple. Whatever the consequences of the Coalition war might be, I had to watch out for Bissemkind; I didn’t want us suffering the fate of the Sivkit expedition or these mysterious carnivores. We didn’t yet know why these aggressors targeted other aliens in their purview, but I’d seen enough on screen to know it wasn’t benevolence.
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Gojid Refugee Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore

TL;DR: this is annoyingly expensive but it does exactly what I need in a fuss-free way. Going to try Decorte next, thanks for the recc kind ABer!
Skin Profile / Climate
40+, UK seasonal climate, combination with seriously dry cheeks and forehead.
Skin concerns: aging, texture, redness/visible reactivity (not sensitive though).
Routine
Note: it's all luxe pretty much and some I either still use samples because I over-purchased the samples or because I'm still debating on a full size.

• Allies of Skin Silk Amino Cleanser
• Whoo Bichup First Moisture Anti-Aging Essence
• Sooryehan Hyobidam Fermented Toner (PM)
• Sooryehan The Black Serum
• Sooryehan The Black Essence Moisturiser
• Sooryehan Spring-Water Cream (AM)
• AHC Ten Revolution Real Eye Cream For Face (Season 10, PM)
• Benton Deep Green Tea Lotion (nose to chin area only, PM)
• Sooryehan Hyobidam Fermented Cream
• Beauty of Joseon Relief Sun Rice + Probiotics sunscreen (AM)

£30 from Space NK, £37 full price.
Review
Packaging
Convenient squeeze tube with a screw top.
A pump might in general be preferable but I'm super clumsy and I could see myself having issues with it. That is a me problem!
Texture
It's a gel cleanser, pretty thick but melts and emulsifies into a milky texture which is rather nice.
I cleanse AM so I have no idea if it removes sunscreen. I did a test where I left Heroine Make mascara dry into a thick clump on my hand and it didn't get it all off.
Fragrance
None
Experience
For me the whole experience of cleansing is utterly boring.
And buying an expensive cleanser is therefore insane to me.
But I did it because someone I trust recommended it to me.
I wanted something different to the Beauty of Joseon Radiance cleansing balm because the flip top isn't practical in my current shower set up.
I'm glad I bought the Allies of Skin because it works for the type of cleansing routine that I have. It's also lasted extremely well, I've been using it for six months and there's still lots left.
The very hard water where I live is unpleasant and this cleanser combats the worst of it. I don't notice dryness or tightness to my skin, it feels soft after cleansing. I can go straight in with actives with no issues.
I don't care about the ingredients because it's not like there's actives and I strongly think something much cheaper would work fine. Although I absolutely like having something that works and doesn't irritate my skin. I can even use it - diluted - on my extremely sensitive neck.
I'm tempted to stick with it because it does exactly what I need and it means I don't have to think about cleansing, I just do it and forget about it.
But t's so pricey and so boring so I'll try a Decorte cleanser next because I enjoy Decorte's poducts and their cleansers are much cheaper than the Allies of Skin.
I think Decorte's milk cleanser looks ideal so 🤞

I have come to the realization that I have been dating a narcissist for the last three years. We met when I was in a low point and he started proclaiming love very early on. I didn’t quite know what to do with it, but it felt so good to be in his light. And slowly he started breaking me down. I have complex ptsd from childhood abuse so I was an easy target I think. A sample of things my narc boyfriend has done:

• screamed at countless therapist offices from which he has been fired
• gotten into a few physical or near physical altercations with strangers while drunk for what he perceived as a slight.
• spent thousands of dollars of my money while out to dinner (ordering the most expensive drinks and multiple of them)
• gone to see another woman while I was visiting him ( we have a long distance relationship)
• called me every name in the book
• taken advantage of our bdsm interests and violated some psychological consent boundaries
• any time we get into a fight he will say the most awful things to me, I try to reason with him, and then he explodes and cuts me out, blocking my number for days at a time

He’s broke, lives in a rat infested apartment, has four kids (two don’t speak to him), has horrific adhd, depression. And not a single real friend. I used to feel sad for him thinking (before the abuse) that he was just eccentric. Now I look at his ex’s twitter profile where she talks about having a narcissistic ex husband. And it all makes sense now.
I finally stood up for myself today, and I said some pretty mean things. I am not a mean person by nature, I would never be cruel but it’s like he pushed me there. And now is acting like I’m the abusive one. I should feel like I can leave, I want to leave logically, but my heart wants to run towards him. My self esteem is shot and I feel so out of alignment with myself. I’m telling myself right now that I love him and want to be with him even though that makes sono sense whatsoever. Help.