So this is likely to be a pretty long post but I will try to make it as short as I can I just feel that there is a lot of things that provide context for this so first off I am a 31 yr old female. When I was young about 10 years old, I started to go through puberty. Pretty young yes, but I had yet to start my cycle. I just started having wider hips and developing a bosom and also some attitude I started having some mood swings all perfectly normal. Right. wrong. My mom did not like that I was having mood swings and basically not following her every command so she started me on something for hormones, a natural herb that was supposed to help with the mood swings. Now I think that it caused problems I started my cycle when I was 13 and after a year I was told that I most likely would not be able to have kids that if I did I would have to go through long treatments in order to do so. I have PCOS I would have sometimes two or three cycles a year and some other not so great symptoms Now when I was younger it didn't really hit me that this would affect my life. I always thought I'd be a mom has always wanted to be a mom and I just thought you know this doesn't matter. It'll still happen. When I was 18 I had a boyfriend but I was also a virgin. I didn't really know anything about anything per say He was older and definitely knew what he was doing. Being a virgin and growing up in a Mormon l conservative home. The only thing I'd been told about relationships in the bedroom was and I quote "it hurts" so I had no idea about condoms or anything like that. I had just moved out of the house so I was still trying to learn all this. Needless to say I ended up pregnant. I made it 9 weeks before I miscarried due to the stress of finding out my boyfriend was cheating on me and I was the side piece coming from a conservative Mormon home that was really stressful for me and also because my mom was very conservative and so was my family. I didn't really tell anyone. I just kind of dealt with it on my own and so after that I kind of fell off the deep end and I started drinking and partying about 4 years later when I was 23. I met someone new but this time I knew better. I was careful to always use contraceptives and I figured if they failed I most likely wouldn't get pregnant anyways because I was continuously being told by doctors that I probably wouldn't be able to have kids well I got pregnant again. I made it 11 weeks before I miscarried again this time however, I told my mom she was the only one I told and I've never told anyone since because she didn't believe me. she said even if that was true that the baby was better off and at least the baby would be perfect in heaven. after that I really went off The deep end I started drinking smoking partying some recreational drug use. Basically anything to numb the pain and this time I didn't even tell the boyfriend and he ended up moving Not long after that Anyways. I really went down a rabbit hole and if it weren't for my brother helping pull me out of it and getting me a job out of state away from all the people that I knew pretty much except for him. He had a job there too. I probably would have continued down that path but when I moved I stopped drinking. I stopped smoking. I stopped all the partying everything and really just kind of did some soul searching on what I wanted and who I wanted to be and what my life would be like I was 25 when I moved back and I was doing a lot better than. I got a job. I was saving up I got my new car and I'd moved in with my parents to help them with some issues they were having. My dad had cancer and my mom has had a slew of health problems so I have yet to move out since I basically helped take care of everything around the house and make sure everything's the way it needs to be When I was 29 I met another guy we dated for a couple months and I ended up pregnant now when I had moved a couple things had happened. I think the change in lifestyle and also the fact that it could have been a different city. It could have been the change in elevation. Whatever else, but I started having regular consistent cycles and I stopped having a lot of the issues that I've been having with my hormones. But I still thought that I would not be able to have a kid at that point though. But I found out when I was just over 4 weeks and because of my past miscarriages I went to the doctor as soon as I could to make sure everything was okay and he monitored me very closely. Now because of my fabulous doctor I was able to deliver a healthy baby girl and I love her more than life itself. But I seem to have a bad choice in men because her "father" wanted nothing to do with her and it broke my heart. I have tried my best to do whatever I can to make my daughter happy and healthy and have a great life but I have still yet to meet anyone that could be any sort of father figure for her. Now on to my cousin we have never gotten along for whatever reason, ever since I was young she would alienate me in any way she could. I never knew why. She's actually only a little bit older than I am by, like not even a full year and my other cousins that were right around my age. All kind of went with her and alienated me too. So I ended up playing a lot of the time with all the younger kids by which I'm talking about 4 to 5 years younger than me and when you're young. And you don't really know why you're being treated that way it can leave a lasting impression. I have never been close with her and I don't think I ever will be. I don't wish her any. Ill will but I don't like her either not long ago she found out she was pregnant and she's had fertility issues as well it ended her first marriage but not only did she find someone who loves her but also loves their baby and wants their baby and that created some jealousy in me. I'm not going to lie. I was very angry that she was still doing all the things that I had given up partying and such and she still was able to find someone. And on top of that have a baby now. A few days ago she went into pre-term labor. She is just over 25 weeks and they've been struggling to keep the baby inside for the last couple days. Tomorrow they're going to deliver the baby at 26 weeks now I hope every thing turns out well cause I wouldn't wish the pain of loosing a child on anyone but I can't help but feel a little angry because everyone in our family is coming out of the wood work to help her and comfort her and be there for her and they are showing her so much love and support. And her boyfriend is right there with her and is supporting her and I just feel so angry and hurt because I never had that support. I mean no one really knew about any of my miscarriages and the one person I trusted didn't even believe me. And my mom now is bending over backwards to try and be as helpful as she can and I think that's what makes me the maddest no I don't hate my cousin. I don't wish her any ill will. I hope that everything goes well with her baby and her boyfriend and that everything turns out great but I can't seem to make myself bend over backwards for her either and jump at every piece of information that is being given. In fact, I wish I didn't even hear it at all because every time I do it just digs that knife deeper and deeper and I don't know how to deal with it. All I know is I am so angry at my family so aita for being angry at my cousin?

III. Changing Modes of Making It: From Horatio Alger to the Happy Hooker
…
From “Self-Culture” to Self-Promotion through “Winning Images”
In the nineteenth century, the ideal of self-improvement degenerated into a cult of compulsive industry. P.T. Barnum, who made a fortune in a calling the very nature of which the Puritans would have condemned (“Every calling, whereby God will be Dishonored; every Calling whereby none but the Lusts of men are Nourished: …every such Calling is to be Rejected”), delivered many times a lecture frankly entitled “The Art of Money-Getting,” which epitomized the nineteenth-century conception of worldly success. Barnum quoted freely from Franklin but without Franklin’s concern for the attainment of wisdom or the promotion of useful knowledge. “Information” interested Barnum merely as a means of mastering the market. Thus he condemned the “false economy” of the farm wife who douses her candle at dusk rather than lighting another for reading, not realizing that the “information” gained through reading is worth far more than the price of the candles. “Always take a trustworthy newspaper,” Barnum advised young men on the make, “and thus keep thoroughly posted in regard to the transactions of the world. He who is without a newspaper is cut off from his species.”
Barnum valued the good opinion of others not as a sign of one’s usefulness but as a means of getting credit. “Uncompromising integrity of character is invaluable.” The nineteenth century attempted to express all values in monetary terms. Everything had its price. Charity was a moral duty because “the liberal man will command patronage, which the sordid, uncharitable miser will be avoided.” The sin of pride was not that it offended God but that it led to extravagant expenditures. “A spirit of pride and vanity, when permitted to have full sway, is the undying cankerworm which gnaws the very vitals of a man’s worldly possessions.”
The eighteenth century made a virtue of temperance but did not condemn moderate indulgence in the service of sociability. “Rational conversation,” on the contrary, appeared to Franklin and his contemporaries to represent an important value in its own right. The nineteenth century condemned sociability itself, on the grounds that it might interfere with business. “How many good opportunities have passed, never to return, while a man was sipping a ‘social glass’ with his friends!” Preachments on self-help now breathed the spirit of compulsive enterprise. Henry Ward Beecher defined “the beau ideal of happiness” as a state of mind in which “a man [is] so busy that he does not know whether he is or is not happy.” Russell Sage remarked that “work has been the chied, and you might say, the only source of pleasure in my life.”
Even at the height of the Gilded Age, however, the Protestant ethic did not completely lose its original meaning. In the success manuals, the McGuffey readers, the Peter Parley Books, and the hortatory writings of the great capitalists themselves, the Protestant virtues - industry, thrift, temperance - still appeared not merely as stepping-stones to success but as their own reward.
The spirit of self-improvement lived on, in debased form, in the cult of “self-culture” - proper care and training of mind and body, nurture of the mind through “great books,” development of “character.” The social contribution of individual accumulation still survived as an undercurrent in the celebration of success, and the social conditions of early industrial capitalism, in which the pursuit of wealth undeniably increased the supply of useful objects, gave some substance to the claim that “accumulated capital means progress.” In condemning speculation and extravagance, in upholding the importance of patient industry, in urging young men to start at the bottom and submit to “the discipline of daily life,” even the most unabashed exponents of self-enrichment clung to the notion that wealth derives its value from its contribution to the general good and to the happiness of future generations.
The nineteenth-century cult of success placed surprisingly little emphasis on competition. It measured achievement not against the achievements of others but against an abstract ideal of discipline and self-denial. At the turn of the century, however, preachments on success began to stress the will to win. The bureaucratization of the corporate career changed the conditions of self-advancement; ambitious young men now had to compete with their peers for the attention and approval of their superiors. The struggle to surpass the previous generation and to provide for the next gave way to a form of sibling rivalry, in which men of approximately equal abilities jostled against each other in competition for a limited number of places. Advancement now depended on “will-power, self-confidence, energy, and initiative” - the qualities celebrated in such exemplary writings as George Lorimer’s Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son. ” By the end of the nineteenth century,” writes John Cawelti in his study of the success myth, “self-help books were dominated by the ethos of sales-manship and boosterism. Personal magnetism, a quality which supposedly enabled a man to influence and dominate others, became one of the major keys to success.” In 1907, both Lorimer’s Saturday Evening Post and Orison Swett Marden’s Success magazine inaugurated departments of instruction in the “art of conversation,” fashion, and “culture.” The management of interpersonal relations came to be seen as the essence of self-advancement. The captain of industry gave way to the confidence man, the master of impressions. Young men were told that they had to sell themselves in order to succeed.
At first, self-testing through competition remained almost in-distinguishable from moral self-discipline and self-culture, but the difference became unmistakable when Dale Carnegie and then Norman Vincent Peale restated and transformed the tradition of Mather, Franklin, Barnum, and Lorimer. As a formula for success, winning friends and influencing people had little in common with industry and thrift. The prophets of positive thinking disparaged “the old adage that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock the door to our desires.” They praised the love of money, officially condemned even by the crudest of Gilded Age materialists, as a useful incentive. “You can never have riches in great quantities,” wrote Napoleon Hill in this Think and Grow Rich,” unless you can work yourself into a white heat of desire for money.” The pursuit of wealth lost the few shreds of moral meaning that still clung to it. Formerly the Protestant virtues appeared to have an independent value of their own. Even when they became purely instrumental, in the second half of the nineteenth century, success itself retained moral and social overtones, by virtue of its contribution to the sum of human comfort and progress. Now success appeared as an end in its own right, the victory over your competitors that alone retained the capacity to instill a sense of self-approval. The latest success manuals differ from earlier ones - even surpassing the cynicism of Dale Carnegie and Peale - in their frank acceptance of the need to exploit and intimidate others, in their lack of interest in the substance of success, and in the candor with which they insist that appearances - “winning images - count for more than performance, ascription for more than achievement. One author seems to imply that the self consists of little more than its “image” reflected in others’ eyes. “Although I’m not being original when I say it, I’m sure you’ll agree that the way you see yourself will reflect the image you portray to others.” Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
<The American Religion by Harold Bloom (California Orphism)>
The Apotheosis of Individualism
The fear that haunted the social critics and theorists of the fifties - that rugged individualism had succumbed to conformity and “love-pressure sociability” - appears in retrospect to have been premature. In 1960, David Riesman complained that young people no longer had much social “presence,” their education having provided them not with “a polished personality but [with] an affable, casual, adaptable one, suitable to the losing organizations of an affluent society.” It is true that “a present-oriented hedonism,” as Riseman went on the argue, has replaced the work ethic “among the very classes which in the earlier stages of industrialization were oriented toward the future, toward distant goals and delayed gratification.” But this hedonism is a fraud; the pursuit of pleasure disguises a struggle for power. Americans have not really become more sociable and cooperative, as the theorists of other-direction and conformity would like us to believe; they have merely become more adept at exploiting the conventions of interpersonal relations for their own benefit. Activities ostensibly undertaken purely for enjoyment often have the real object of doing others in. It is symptomatic of the underlying tenor of American life that vulgar terms for sexual intercourse also convey the sense of getting the better of someone, working him over, taking him in, imposing your will through guile, deception, or superior force. Verbs associated with sexual pleasure have acquired more than the usual overtones of violence and psychic exploitation. In the violent world of the ghetto, the language of which now pervades American society as a whole, the violence associated with sexual intercourse is directed with special intensity by men against women, specifically against their mothers. The language of ritualized aggression and abuse reminds those who use it that exploitation is the general rule and some form of dependence the common fate, that “the individual,” in Lee Rainwater’s words, “is not strong enough or adult enough to achieve his goal in a legitimate way, but is rather like a child, dependent on others who tolerate his childish maneuvers”; accordingly males, even adult males, often depend on women for support and nurture. Many of them have to pimp for a living, ingratiating themselves with a woman in order to pry money from her; sexual relations thus become manipulative and predatory. Satisfaction depends on taking what you want instead of waiting for what is rightfully yours to receive. All this enters everyday speech in language that connects sex with aggression and sexual aggression with highly ambivalent feelings about mothers.
In some ways middle-class society has become a pale copy of the black ghetto, as the appropriation of its language would lead us to believe. We do not need to minimize the poverty of the ghetto or the suffering inflicted by whites on blacks in order to see that the increasingly dangerous and unpredictable conditions of middle-class life have given rise to similar strategies for survival. Indeed the attraction of black culture for disaffected whites suggests that black culture now speaks to a general condition, the most important feature of which is a widespread loss of confidence in the future. The poor have always had to live for the present, but now a desperate concern for personal survival, sometimes disguised as hedonism, engulfs the middle class as well. Today almost everyone lives in a dangerous world from which there is little escape. International terrorism and blackmail, bombings, and hijackings arbitrarily affect the rich and poor alike. Crime, violence, and gang wars make cities unsafe and threaten to spread to the suburbs. Racial violence on the streets and in the schools creates an atmosphere of chronic tension and threatens to erupt at any time into full-scale racial conflict. Unemployment spreads from the poor the white-collar class, while inflation eats away the savings of those who hoped to retire in comfort. Much of what is euphemistically known as the middle class, merely because it dresses up to go to work, is now reduced to proletarian conditions of existence. Many white-collar jobs require no more skill and pay even less than blue-collar jobs, conferring little status or security. The propaganda of death and destruction, emanating ceaselessly from the mass media, adds to the prevailing atmosphere of insecurity. Far-flung famines, earthquakes in remote regions, distant wars and uprisings attract the same attention as events closer to home. The impression of arbitrariness in the reporting of disaster reinforces the arbitrary quality of experience itself, and the absence of continuity in the coverage of events, as today’s crisis yields to a new and unrelated crisis tomorrow, adds to the sense of historical discontinuity - the sense of living in a world in which the past holds out no guidance to the present and the future has become completely unpredictable.
Older conceptions of success presupposed a world in rapid motion, in which fortunes were rapidly won and lost and new opportunities unfolded every day. Yet they also presupposed a certain stability, a future that bore some recognizable resemblance to the present and the past. The growth of bureaucracy, the cult of consumption with its immediate gratifications, but above all the severance of the sense of historical continuity have transformed the Protestant ethic while carrying the underlying principles of capitalist society to their logical conclusion . The pursuit of self-interest, formerly identified with the rational pursuit of gain and the accumulation of wealth, has become a search for pleasure and psychic survival. Social conditions now approximate the vision of republican society conceived by the Marquis de Sade at the very outset of the republican epoch. In many ways the most farsighted and certainly the most disturbing of the prophets of revolutionary individualism, Sade defended unlimited self-indulgence as the logical culmination of the revolution in property relations - the only way to attain revolutionary brotherhood in its purest form. By regressing in his writings to the most primitive level of fantasy, Sade uncannily glimpsed the whole subsequent development of personal life under capitalism, ending not in revolutionary brotherhood but in a society of siblings that has outlived and repudiated its revolutionary origins.
Sade imagined a sexual utopia in which everyone has the right to everyone else, where human beings, reduced to their sexual organs, become absolutely anonymous and interchangeable. His ideal society thus reaffirmed the capitalist principle that human beings are ultimately reducible to interchangeable objects. It also incorporated and carried to a surprising new conclusion Hobbes’s discovery that the destruction of paternalism and the subordination of all social relations to the market had stripped away the remaining restraints and the mitigating illusions from the war of all against all. In the resulting state of organized anarchy, as Sade was the first to realize, pleasure becomes life’s only business - pleasure, however, that is indistinguishable from rape, murder, unbridled aggression. In a society that has reduced reason to mere calculation, reason can impose no limits on the pursuit of pleasure - on the immediate gratification of every desire no matter how perverse, insane, criminal, or merely immoral. For the standards that would condemn crime or cruelty derive from religion, compassion, or the kind of reason that rejects purely instrumental applications; and none of these outmoded forms of thought or feeling has any logical place in a society based on commodity production. In his misogyny, Sade perceived that bourgeois enlightenment, carried to its logical conclusions, condemned even the sentimental cult of womanhood and the family, which the bourgeoisie itself had carried to unprecedented extremes.
At the same time, he saw that condemnation of “woman-worship” had to go hand in hand with a defense of woman’s sexual rights - their right to dispose of their own bodies, as feminists would put it today. If the exercise of that right in Sade’s utopia boils down to the duty to become an instrument of someone else’s pleasure, it was not so much because Sade hated women as because he hated humanity. He perceived, more clearly than the feminists, that all freedoms under capitalism come in the end to the same thing, the same universal obligation to enjoy and be enjoyed. In the same breath, and without violating his own logic, Sade demanded for women the right “fully to satisfy all their desires” and “all parts of their bodies” and categorically stated that “all women must submit to our pleasure.” Pure individualism thus issued in the most radical repudiation of individuality. “All men, all women resemble each other,” according to Sade; and to those of his countrymen who would become republicans he adds this ominous warning: “Do not think you can make good republicans so long as you isolated in their families the children who should belong to the republic alone.” The bourgeois defense of privacy culminates - not just in Sade’s thought but in the history to come, so accurately foreshadowed in the very excess, madness, infantilism of his ideas - in the most thoroughgoing attack on privacy; the glorification of the individual, in his annihilation.
<…>
Standing-Reserve.
Note a lack of the “Greek” in Lasch.
Visions of Excess: Selected Writings, 1927-1939 by Georges Bataille, Edited by A. Stoekl, Translated by A. Stoekl, C.R. Lovitt, and D.M. Leslie Jr.
<…>

TL/DR; I got into some legal trouble, part of the fallout was my abusive ex calling the city and reporting that my animals were neglected and they couldn’t prove it in court but I pled to a lesser charge to be done with it. Since then, they have been itching to find me in violation of my probation and ultimately got me for having one more dog than the city allows. I have had four dogs as long as I’ve lived here and I now have to go to court and explain why I was violating my probation. The initial charges were issued based off a picture submitted by someone who didn’t have authorization to be on my property and the second time evidence was obtained after the officer climbed up on my fence and looked into my yard, without a warrant or my permission and then he threatened to seize my animals if I didn’t comply with his demands.
I went to jail on NYE and was in there for three days (weekend/holiday) for a petty crime. My 4 dogs and 2 others that I was watching for a friend were at my house. My best friend cared for them (very well might I add) while I was in jail. Animal control was contacted by my ex claiming the dogs were left alone, mistreated, and that I was boarding animals at my home. I returned home from jail and animal control was waiting for me at my house. He’s new, still has the creases in his uniform, stands about two feet shorter than me and takes his job very seriously. You know the type. Regardless of Paul Blart’s larger than life personality, I remained professional throughout all of our interactions. He wrote me a citation for animal cruelty for leaving my dogs regardless of the fact they were cared for, unauthorized use of a residence (because I accepted money from my friends to watch their dogs), not picking poop within 48 hours, hard to do when in jail, and number of dogs on premises (the city allows 3 dogs max, I have lived here for 8 years unaware of this and I moved here with the same 4 dogs I have now and that’s not changing). Prosecutor in my tiny town of like 30,000 people recommended 11 days of jail (no, I’m not joking). I pled to number of dogs on premise and the boarding charge in exchange for 1 year unsupervised probation as the judge didn’t exactly see eye to eye with the prosecutor. To my knowledge, animal control has been aware that I’ve had four dogs and I have certainly not given them any reason to believe I have less than four dogs. That I can assert without a shred of doubt.
A month after we reached an agreement, I received a letter in the mail from the same officer, stating that on 4/8 they received a complaint that my dogs were barking in excess. He edited the standard message to include that this would be my only warning and that the next one would be a summons, which would violate my probation. He made note of the complaint which was received via our cities “app” where anyone can report anything and they may do so without any ounce of personal information tied to it. What struck me as odd was that the “complaint” came in on 4/8, however the letter and the report were filed on 4/7. What’s even stranger, is that I was camping 3 hours away with all four of my dogs for a week and didn’t return home until 4/11. I can’t help but to feel like that was anything other than a targeted attempt to punish me.
A week after that, animal control is in my alley looking over my fence into my yard. Harassing my dogs who were now barking aggressively (as they have every right to do might I add, I don’t care if the FBI or the Pope are peering over my fence, unless you have my permission to do so my dogs can do whatever the hell they want). A few minutes later there’s a knock at my door, he tells me that I’m in violation of the ordinance regarding the number of animals I have on premise. I told him that * ”I do not wish to speak to you anymore because every time I have been honest with you— I have only ever been honest with him— it was under the pretense that you were “concerned” with my animals and you used that concern against me” * His supervisor, who is a literal Paul Blart on steroids told me that I would either do whatever the officer said or they would “seize whichever dogs they wished to at their discretion and I could go to court to get them back but that likely wouldn’t end in my favor”— that’s a direct quote. He then asked me to bring my dogs out one at a time for him to “inspect”, all of whom were healthy and in great shape as they’ve always been (which we both agreed on). He then issued me a summons. A day later I received a letter in the mail from the court stating I was in violation of my probation and that I needed to appear at a different date to explain to the judge why I was violating my probation.
Can animal control look over my fence? Am I not to expect a certain level of privacy in my own home? What if I had been back there sunbathing in the nude and does it make a difference if I was or not?
They didn’t have a warrant but they threatened to take my dogs away if I didn’t comply. That just feels fucked up to me, pardon my French.
What’s my angle in court? I cannot afford an attorney and the public defender they appointed me last time is a sleaze so that’s a no go.

Hello. I'm Enterprise90. I'm looking for someone to talk to tonight. I'm not looking for a relationship, but friendship and more is certainly on the table.
I'm an introvert and a loner who is also left-handed, the best handed. I have a bachelor's degree and two master's degrees and like to read stories on The Associated Press. I have green eyes and buzzed hair.
As typical of humans, I have a lot of interests. I've been into Star Trek for as long as I can remember. TNG has my favorite episodes, but DS9 may be my favorite series, though SNW is closing that gap. I've been a professional wrestling fan for more than 25 years, and I follow the New England Patriots. I also enjoy Batman, Marvel, video games, Pokemon (always choosing the water starter) and other interests.
I prefer to read nonfiction, but my favorite book is The Great Gatsby.
As long as you're close-ish to my age and timezone (I'm in central), I invite you to talk to me. I hope to hear from you.

My parents want to build their aging in-place retirement home. They found a beautiful piece of land at a great price. Then they hired a designer based on their social media and it was a terrible and costly mistake. They hate the design and it’s way too expensive to build.
I want them to work with a real architect and we had a preliminary call with someone who seems like a great fit. But my parents think they’ve already spent too much and just want to buy a design from a website like this.
I’m concerned that them cutting design costs now will mean even more wasted money when they start construction. Part of the architect’s fees cover permitting and construction documents in addition to floor plans. Total quote was 8k
Please share advice on if that quote is reasonable or if buying a premade plan is a wise choice.

“Mom. Dad. I have something to tell you.”
Eight simple words were all it took to change Bernard's life forever.
The teenager knew how dangerous those words could be. But he couldn’t keep the secret anymore. He was drowning.
At that moment, he regretted turning down Connor’s offer to be there with him. He thought it would make it worse, and that he had to face his parents alone.
His parents reacted just as he had feared. They were supposed to be the breakwater, a safe harbor, but one by one, they cut his mooring lines.
Bernard was set adrift, towering waves smashing into him, shattering him to pieces. The ocean leaked from his eyes. For the first time ever, he saw his father embody a violent storm.
Bernard was cast out. Cast away. But he refused to let himself be dragged down to the depths. He was determined not only to survive, but to fight. Connor helped him in those first years of venturing out. He was a huge part of the wind in his sails.
“You’re really milking that metaphor.” Connor commented, chuckling, years later. They were staying at an inn attached to a dairy farm that offered tours which included a hands-on experience.
“What? No. This is a cow.” Bernard retorted. “Besides, didn't you promise a month ago to fix the fourth wall?”
Even with Connor in Bernard's life, it was a hard life. There were so many obstacles, standing against the current of a society that was against their very existence. And he had to see so many of his friends die. Funeral after funeral after funeral. Yet, Bernard still refused to be swallowed by the tide. He was determined to live as best he could, and to fight for his rights and his happiness.
But eventually, the end comes for everyone. Sometimes in very unexpected forms.
“I’m afraid I have bad news, Mr. Wilson.”
Eight simple words. Bernard had grown to be middle aged. He was sitting in the chair across from Dr. Phillips. A clipboard of test results layed on the desk between them. Connor’s hand in his own was an anchor. The waves leaked out from his eyes. From Connors eyes.
But Bernard wasn't ready to stop fighting. And Connor was right there alongside him. Even after he lost all his hair.
“I swear, that boy is gay.” Bernard whispered to Connor. They were both older and wiser. Connor’s great nephew, Max Smith, was on the floor, playing with his barbies and ponies.
Bernard was a bit off. Spoiler alert: Max would eventually come out as bi, following in the footsteps of his older sister, Sophia. Fun fact: they both would mean different things by that. But they would be able to live their authentic selves in the wake of the fighting by people like Bernard and Connor.
A few years later, Bernard finally lost his fight. The cancer came back, and was unstoppable. Connor survived, but he would never truly move on.

Excerpt from the Broad Recordings of Baizahng
.

歸不愛取。依住不愛取將為是。今初善是住調伏心。是聲聞人。是戀筏不捨人。是二乘道。是禪那果。

• Reverting to non-craving and non-grasping, dependently abiding in non-craving and non-grasping and regarding it as correct, this now is the initial good which abides in the pacified mind. [But] these are sravaka people. These are people infatuated with and can’t bear to abandon the raft. It is [only] the two vehicles’ way. It is [only] a dhyana-fruit.

歸不愛取。亦莫依住不愛取。是中善是半字教。猶是無色界。免墮二乘道。免墮魔民道。猶是禪那病。是菩薩縛。

• Reverting to non-craving and non-grasping, yet not dependent also [on any form] to abide in non-craving and non-grasping, this is the middle good. This is the teaching of the half-word. But this is still in the formless realm. Although falling into the two vehicles’ way is avoided, and falling into the demons’ way is avoided, it is still a dhyana-disease. A bodhisattva-fetter.

歸不依住不愛取。亦不作不依住知解。是後善。是滿字教。免墮無色界。免墮禪那執。免墮菩薩乘。免墮魔王位。

• Reverting to the dependent-less abiding of non-craving and non-grasping, yet also not making any interpretive knowing of this dependent-less abiding, this is the final good. This is the teaching of the full-word. Falling into formless realm is avoided. Falling into dhyana-attachment is avoided. Falling into bodhisattva’s vehicle is avoided. Falling into the Mara/demon-king’s seat is avoided.

為智障地障行障故。見自已佛性。如夜見色。如云佛地斷二愚。一微細所知愚。二極微細所知愚。故云有大智人。破塵出經卷。

• It is because of jneya-hindrance or bhumi-hindrance or practice-hindrance that seeing one’s own Buddha-nature becomes like seeing thing/form/colour in the night . As said, the Buddha-bhumi can sever these two foolishness – that of fine subtle known and that of extremely fine subtle known. There is therefore the saying that a person of great jnana/wisdom, penetrating dust to reveal scrolls of sutra1 .

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1. This is a quote from Huayan Sutra where it’s mentioned that, within each speck of dust, is contained a fabled collection of sutras whose size equals that of three thousand world-systems (universes).

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Comparison
Might be interesting to compare Baizhang's three levels of good with Rujing's verse on sitting meditation (zazen).
https://www.reddit.com/zenbuddhism/comments/1cohepv/zen_teacher_rujing_on_sitting_meditation_%E5%9D%90%E7%A6%85_zazen/
If we look at Rujing's verse, perhaps can break up the sequence into three parts too to see if it somehow matches with the three goods:
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• So first and foremost proceed directly with fiery vigour. Until suddenly, a bursting explosion of the painted barrel. A vast clearing/clarity, like the cloudless autumn sky.
  
• (initial good?)
  

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• It’s with back-splitting staff strikes and chest-breaking fist punches. That through day-and-night one doesn't sleep. As empty space, perishing, and further perishing.
  
• (middle good?)
  

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• Penetrate through before Mighty-Sound emperoBuddha. Spiky chestnuts and vajra rings freely hand over their ins-and-outs. Victory songs resound high across the top of the wind.
  
• (final good?)
  

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Long story short, I went to jail on NYE and was in there for three days (weekend/holiday) for a petty crime. My 4 dogs and 2 others that I was watching for a friend were at my house. My best friend cared for them (very well might I add) while I was in jail. Animal control was contacted by my ex claiming the dogs were left alone, mistreated, and that I was boarding animals at my home. I returned home from jail and animal control was waiting for me at my house. He’s new, still has the creases in his uniform, stands about two feet shorter than me and takes his job very seriously. You know the type. Regardless of Paul Blart’s larger than life personality, I remained professional throughout all of our interactions. He wrote me a citation for animal cruelty for leaving my dogs regardless of the fact they were cared for, unauthorized use of a residence (because I accepted money from my friends to watch their dogs), not picking poop within 48 hours, hard to do when in jail, and number of dogs on premises (the city allows 3 dogs max, I have lived here for 8 years unaware of this and I moved here with the same 4 dogs I have now and that’s not changing). Prosecutor in my tiny town of like 30,000 people recommended 11 days of jail (no, I’m not joking). I pled to number of dogs on premise and the boarding charge in exchange for 1 year unsupervised probation as the judge didn’t exactly see eye to eye with the prosecutor. To my knowledge, animal control has been aware that I’ve had four dogs and I have certainly not given them any reason to believe I have less than four dogs. That I can assert without a shred of doubt.
A month after we reached an agreement, I received a letter in the mail from the same officer, stating that on 4/8 they received a complaint that my dogs were barking in excess. He edited the standard message to include that this would be my only warning and that the next one would be a summons, which would violate my probation. He made note of the complaint which was received via our cities “app” where anyone can report anything and they may do so without any ounce of personal information tied to it. What struck me as odd was that the “complaint” came in on 4/8, however the letter and the report were filed on 4/7. What’s even stranger, is that I was camping 3 hours away with all four of my dogs for a week and didn’t return home until 4/11. I can’t help but to feel like that was anything other than a targeted attempt to punish me.
A week after that, animal control is in my alley looking over my fence into my yard. Harassing my dogs who were now barking aggressively (as they have every right to do might I add, I don’t care if the FBI or the Pope are peering over my fence, unless you have my permission to do so my dogs can do whatever the hell they want). A few minutes later there’s a knock at my door, he tells me that I’m in violation of the ordinance regarding the number of animals I have on premise. I told him that * ”I do not wish to speak to you anymore because every time I have been honest with you— I have only ever been honest with him— it was under the pretense that you were “concerned” with my animals and you used that concern against me” * His supervisor, who is a literal Paul Blart on steroids told me that I would either do whatever the officer said or they would “seize whichever dogs they wished to at their discretion and I could go to court to get them back but that likely wouldn’t end in my favor”— that’s a direct quote. He then asked me to bring my dogs out one at a time for him to “inspect”, all of whom were healthy and in great shape as they’ve always been (which we both agreed on). He then issued me a summons. A day later I received a letter in the mail from the court stating I was in violation of my probation and that I needed to appear at a different date to explain to the judge why I was violating my probation.
Can animal control look over my fence? Am I not to expect a certain level of privacy in my own home? What if I had been back there sunbathing in the nude and does it make a difference if I was or not?
They didn’t have a warrant but they threatened to take my dogs away if I didn’t comply. That just feels fucked up to me, pardon my French.
What’s my angle in court? I cannot afford an attorney and the public defender they appointed me last time is a sleaze so that’s a no go.

Like 3.0, 5.0 has very interesting concepts from subverting the light dark dynamic established in the same game to it's themes of memory, sacrifice, and ghosts seen in the various ruins in the game voebrite and amurot in particular, to it's major characters crystal exarch, emet-selch, and ardbert.
The theme of ghosts is the one I find most interesting. So many parts if the past that should be dead linger in this story. There's all the ruins throughout Noverant from voebrite in Ill Mheg to the old kingdom in Amh Areng and finally Amurot and the ancients themselves. ardbert and emy have a lot of parallels. Both are ghosts in some sense, remnants of time past. They are both existences that should no longer be but are still here, bound to tasks not yet complete. Both are weary but unable to rest, like seriously the two most depressed characters in shb and they both give depression monologues. Both have failed their duties somehow. They continue on, they have work to be done, their role not yet finished. And then there are those who are haunted. The crystal exarch too is a ghost in a sense outliving his original timeline. And all 3 have been changed in some way. Hades confined in a hyur form and thralled to zodiark. G'raha with his body partly crystallized. And Ardbert is a literal ghost besides being a figurative one. And then there are those who are haunted, whether by death or by failure it comes with most of the world ending.
Everyone in 5.0 has depression.
On sacrifice. emet-selch is portrayed as being wrong to sacrifice all life to the shards to resurrect the ancients, that he shouldn't sacrifice the present lives to try and restore a lost past. But ironworks sacrificing an entire timeline is framed as noble with g'raha and the player character carrying on their hopes. When that doomed timeline also chose to give up on it's current people and devote everything to restoring the past. The best way I have come to reconcile this this sacrifice of the self vs sacrificing others like the ascians are trying to do. There's a strong theme of sacrifice overall in 5.0, outside of emet-selch and Ironworks there's also the ancients in general sacrificing half their survivors to create Zodiak and half again to bring life back to the world, and then the dissenting faction sacrificing their lives to create Hydaelyn. There's G'raha's attempted sacrifice his life and his dreams to save the player character's life and tke the light with him. There's the soldiers that died protecting the Crystarium from sin eaters and Eulmore.
And so ardbert, emet-selch, and the crystal exarch the primarily characters if 5.0 all reflect each other. They are people out of place and out of time, from an era past. They are all tied by duty and this duty involves the player character in some way. None of them are where they want to be, whether that be physically, temporally or metaphorically. All of them act for what is best for the universe and more than that are motivated by making things "right" they have a vision of how the world should be which is tied to the past. The crystal exarch literally time traveled back to the past o fix things the ascians are fixated on restoring their lost ancient brethren and the world the lost, and Ardbert less so but reflects on how places have changed as the player journeys across noverant. And they are haunted by their failures especially emet-selch and ardbert. These parallels would have been further highlighted if the crystal exarch also died, but he hasn't.
I finished 5.0. I enjoyed it the writing for msq has been continually improving and 5.0 is better than any of the x.0 but it's overrated. people talk as if it's one of the best stories ever and no it's not. It's good for an mmo but on it's own merits it's not an excellent story. I'd put 5.0 on par with octopath traveler 1, 5.0 does have it's moments. The amurot section in general is my favorite, and 5.0 tells a lot of good mini arcs like the relationship between yshtola and the nights blessed or the war between crystalarium and eulmore. I liked how things have wrapped back around to gods, aether, and primals.
But it's also quite messy like the other expansions and a lot of little things feel forced like something is happening for the plot to move forward instead of having the progression and in universe justification. I can see what the writers are trying to do but the execution isn't quite there, like with the talos the devs wanted everyone to come together and achieve something. so if i don't think about the details it's a nice story but the more i think about it the more problems there are. or another way to put it the outline is fine the elevator pitch is great, but the details and execution and actual writing leave something to be desired. The writing is indeed better but I'm not sure I'd call it good yet, 5.0 does have it's moments, but I think the biggest different between 2.0 and 5.0 is that shb is much flashier, it's showy and with fun animations and voice acting and actual cutscenes and has modern music just on the showmanship aspect and production value of course the people are going to like it more. It also has fleshed out storylines. But looking at the flaws on shb no wonder ffxvi is a trainwreck, but a flashy trainwreck.
I love Feo Ul but they are just so plot breakingly powerful it's a little ridiculous, feo ul ex machina.
edit: about octopath, that's the point. everyone thinks the story sucks and objectively 5.0 isn't really better despite people giving it leeway for being an mmo.

My partner (m41) and I (f29) have been together for 4 years. It wasn't an easy relationship to begin with. My family fell out with me for getting with him. They knew him very well but they just thought it was moving too fast. I moved in with him pretty quickly as my dad was physically quote aggressive with me and controlling. I planned on staying with my partner for a while until sorting out my own place but we just fell in love more every day. We had a "we wi prove them all wrong" attitude. I really truly and deeply love and care for him. He was patient, calm, funny, gentlemanly. He spent 2 years doing everything he could to make me happy. He would cook, washa and dry my hair, massages, running baths, picking me flowers etc.
Fast forward to last April. We fell pregnant and were ecstatic but unfortunately, it ended in an early miscarriage at 7 weeks. He has a pain condition which means every so often it flare up and his mood dips. He finds it difficult to cope with stress etc. The miscarriage put alot of strain on our relationship as he switched off and offered no emotional support whatsoever.
We had a few arguments and I decided I needed to leave for a break. I went home and my mum and dad were more than supportive. I spent 2 weeks at home until I met my partner and we reconciled. My dad was so cross and again got aggressive and told me to never step foot in his house again.
In August a few months later, we fell pregnant again. Although this time was different, he didn't seem overly happy. Maybe sometimes but basically he mostly stopped being affectionate with me or doing thoughtful things that he always had done. He began to sleep separately from me. The odd time he would maybe run me a bath or cook etc. If I was sick or sore, he would say "tru being sore for 10 years" I never got any sympathy. He nearly got frustrated if I went for naps or had a lie in
Christmas, he made dinner for us on Christmas day etc he didn't get me anything. I got him a few things. On boxing day, we had an arguement, I can't even remember about what. He left and stayed at his mums for 3 weeks. I spent 3 weeks on my own, sick and crying in bed basically the whole time. I didn't tell anyone. New years eve countdown, I cried in bed rubbing my growing bump. He eventually came back, we had 3 great weeks together before his mood shifted again. He made a comment about how he had wanted a son instead of a daughter.
He then began home decorating and nesting. He spent 2 solid months working most evenings to do up her nursery, and basically improve every room with new paint etc.
I then was admitted early with pre eclampsia just over 3 weeks ago. I spent 4 days in hospital before they inserted a pessary. I then was moved to delivery suite 36 hours after the pessary. I was labouring and contracting for 6 hours until I got to 9cm and they realised something was wrong. Baby was completely stuck, cord around neck etc and I was rushed for a category 1 c section.
When my partner was allowed into theatre, I was already opened and blood everywhere. I had the shakes etc and he seen everything. I really thought I was going to die. It was so traumatic. I was wheeled into recovery and he asked when he could go home. I was disgusted. As soo. As I was wheeled on to the ward just 3 hours post op, he left. He came back thay evening for 2 hours. That night, my baby girl was cluster feeding, it was very difficult. I text him at 5am to tell him all about it. At 8am I got a message calling me a "whine" and not to be texting in the middle of the night again. I stupidly apologised.
Eventually I was discharged and the first week, he was as he described "father of the year" and I even said to him, that this was the making od him. He was so soft, gentle, caring and involved with our daughter. I thought finally, my life is working out.
He then spent a few days not interacting with us AT ALL. I mean not one glance. There was one day I was standing at the sink sorting baby bottles and she cried. I asked him to loft her and he said no I'm busy, grabbed a bag of crisps, went upstairs and slammed the bedroom door. He also continued to smoke in that room where she sleeps at night. I asked him to stop and he gave off that he has nowhere for himself anymore.
He came out of this mood a couple of times. He took us for a walk and picked us flowers and lunch. The very next day, he went back into his low depressive mood. On the last particular day 2.5 weeks after birth, he was wanting to take us to the beach. This was the first day where I got myself ready and pretty, I was excited. He made me lunch and then refused to eat with me because the previous days, we argued over lunch (he would start arguements about nothing and it would lead to raised voices etc)
So anyway he ate in another room, our daughter was with me and she started crying so he slammed the door of the room he was in. I then went to the sink washed bottles for baby. He came in and said was I going to keep hogging the sink or was I going to get out of the way. I told him to not be so ignorant with me.
It led to a full blown row where he got quite aggressive. He came into my face and I pushed him away and he then said I assaulted him I told him to wise up and stop this shouting in front of our baby. He slammed the living room door. I went in and I said this had to stop. He told me to get the hell out of his house and that it was about time I leave and give him peace. He went upstairs and at the top of the stairs he called me a fat shapeless b###ard, fat ugly nose and feet etc. Now before birth I weighed over 13 stone. At this arguement, I was weighing 10stone 10 so definitely not fat.
I packed 2 bags, and left with our baby. Since then I have reached out to him and he has ignored me. He believes me to be staying in a bmb with a newborn and he thinks this is acceptable. He has not asked about her or me. He changed the locks also so I can't get into the home. My heart is broken. What happened to the man I love? He doesn't speak to anyone anymore, he has no friends, he stopped working. I can see his Google activity and he has been researching moving to India and leading a spiritual life. I feel like his brain is messed up.
A week later, I am now 9.5 stone, stopped breast feeding as I'm not producing enough, doing everything on my own with our perfect daughter. Basically, what would you do? What has happened him? Is this normal behaviour during pregnancy and post-partum?
He knows all I have ever dreamed of is having a baby and a family. Why did he do this? I feel so sorry for me. That was where I made home, I have so many belongings and stuff in there that ingot for my daughter. I helped with the decor and actually blame that for my pre eclampsia. The day before admission I was on my hands and knees painting skirting because I felt bad about him painting upstairs. I redone all the grouting in the bathroom etc too. For him to turn around and say "what kind of idiot stays in a house where they aren't wanted". One day picking flowers and declaring your love, the next telling me to leave.
How do I get through this
Tldr my fiance m41, put me f29 out of the home with our 2.5 week old daughter. I need advice on what has happened to him and what to do next.

Written by u/GoldWhale & u/JD397
Thanks everyone for your patience with us getting this written up. Much appreciation to my co-author u/JD397 for his work, scouting analysis, and comprehensive background knowledge on where Demidov sat compared to historical players, and the international analysis. Please note, this analysis won’t focus on why Demidov>Levshunov. In terms of BPA, Demidov is nearly unanimously over Levshunov based on consolidated rankings. With the Blackhawks publicly saying they want to go BPA, we hope to establish a case as to why Demidov truly stands above the rest, by a good margin. We hope that this was worth the wait, and we haven’t disappointed anyone who may have wanted more. We’re amateurs, give us a small break 😉
When Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly flipped the decisive card to reveal the number one overall pick, Blackhawks fans were disappointed. They were going to miss out on Macklin Celebrini, the consensus number one center and number one overall player in the draft. After winning Connor Bedard the prior year, many fans were hoping for a one two punch down the middle, their own version of McDavid and Draisaitl, Crosby and Malkin; this was not to be.
Despite the initial dismay, fans were still happy. The Blackhawks won the second lottery, and with that, the rights to select a franchise player at number two overall. Immediately, though, there was debate. Swirling on social media there were rumors that the Blackhawks were predominantly looking at two high end prospects: Ivan Demidov (RW/C) and Artyom Levshunov (D). On one hand Demidov is an elite prospect at wing with excellent hands, creativity, and legitimate top line wing with PPG+ upside. On the other, Levshunov is a dynamic offensive defenseman with a stellar shot, solid size, dynamic skating, and most importantly right-handedness.
The Blackhawks, realistically, need both positions. Last year the Blackhawks iced one of the worst offenses in the entire league, scoring the second least goals behind only San Jose. They also had the fourth worst defense, surrendering 290 goals on the season. Neither are acceptable in the push for a playoff spot in the coming years, but ultimately with number two, you can only choose one of the two players. After our hours of analysis, u/JD397 and I believe there is no debate – as good as Levshunov is, Demidov is closer in skill and projection to Celebrini than anyone else in the draft is to him.
So who is Ivan Demidov? He’s an 18 year old forward playing for SKA 1946, a MHL affiliate of SKA of the KHL. Since the 2023 draft the big story out of the KHL was the dominance of Matvei Michkov. This was a kid who destroyed the MHL by putting up 38 points in 22 games and going PPG+ in the playoffs his D-1 Year. Michkov then outperformed Connor Bedard by putting up 16 points in 7 games at the IIHF U18s in 2021. Michkov was, and still is, borderline generational but there was someone else waiting in his shadow. In his D-1 Year, Ivan Demidov put up 62 points in 41 games, and scored 1.3PPG in the MHL playoffs. While putting up a lower PPG pace than Michkov, Demidov’s game was substantially more well rounded and scouts started to take notice of another potential franchise winger in Ivan Demidov.
Demidov exploded in his D-0 Year, putting up a literal 2.0 PPG pace in the MHL the highest pace ever for a player 18 or under, and the third highest PPG in league history. In the playoffs, despite an injury, Demidov posted a ridiculous 28 points in 17 games. This production was unheard of beforehand and bested Kucherov’s 1.87 point pace at 18. Not only did Demidov have better production AND two way play, but he also did it nearly 7 months younger. Demidov remains a bright spot who is able to elevate his play to the competition. Before talking about playstyle, strengths, comps, projections, etc. it needs to be noted just how dominant Demidov was on the scoresheet.
Now that fans know who Ivan Demidov is, let’s address the elephant in the room. Demidov is Russian and with the political climate worldwide, being a Russian is associated with an inherent risk of a prospect not coming over. Rest assured – there is no such concern in this case. Last year, rumors swirled around Michkov not coming over due to three factors:

1. Michkov did not meet with more than two teams and actively told specific teams he would not play for them.
   
2. Michkov was incredibly difficult to get ahold of predraft and it made scouts and front offices skeptical on his character and desire to come to the NHL.
   
3. Michkov had 3 more years left on his contract with SKA.
   

Demidov, on the other hand, is actively engaging with teams. He’s hosting a workout in Florida before the draft for multiple teams to attend, and is actively having his agent coordinate interviews and meetings with interested front offices. Demidov has publicly declared his intention to come over to the NHL as soon as possible, even venturing so far as to say he’s looking at options for getting out of his KHL contract to get to the NHL for the 24-25 season. Finally, Demidov only has 1 year left on his contract so there isn’t long term concern about losing the ability to develop him internally. An interesting note that we found during analysis was that Demidov’s agent, Dan Milstein, is “hated” in the KHL because of how consistently he pushes for his clients to leave Russia and transition them to the NHL. Even if Demidov is stuck in Russia all of next year, there’s almost zero risk he doesn’t come over.
On Demidov, the other large question that looms is his lack of play in the KHL, and SKA’s decision to play him in the MHL. Despite being the one of the best players in MHL history, Demidov only saw action in 4 KHL games and scored a total of 0 points which has also turned off many scoresheet watchers. Let us reassure you – Demidov was predominantly the 13th forward and played an average of 3-5 minutes per game with unfamiliar linemates. He did not have a chance to play enough to succeed, and built no chemistry with the teammates he was playing with in his limited time. SKA is notorious for handling their prospects poorly. Young players are consistently given limited ice time, especially when they’re expected to leave Russia. Michkov, despite his skill, couldn’t crack the SKA roster in his D-0 or D+1 simply because of this bias. All said, this is not a concern scouts have when it comes to the potential drafting of Demidov.
With the Russia question answered, we believe there is no doubt that Ivan Demidov is the pick to make in the 2024 draft. Ivan Demidov is really really good. He is the complete package for what you look for in a franchise winger. Demidov has excellent hands, dynamic edgework, elite hockey IQ, high end compete and energy, a relentless forecheck, creativity in the offense he provides, solid two way play, and finally rapid speed in terms of release and puck control. There is no one like him in this draft who offers such an elite skillset with no obvious flaws in his game outside of his build. He can also play center when needed which gives him additional offensive flexibility and adds even more dynamism to his game.
While analytics don’t tell the full story, they can often be a useful baseline to build from. The first item we want to call attention to is Byron Bader’s model, which projects Demidov as the best #2OA prospect since Eichel.. Let's again be clear, we don’t put much merit into this due to the low gradings of Carlsson and Laine, but it’s important to contextualize how Bader’s model works. It compares prospects to the league they’re in and projects them out. Demidov dominated the MHL to such a degree that the model favorably views him due to being almost untouched in play, and setting multiple records. Continuing with Hockey Prospecting and Bader, who is an active NHL draft consultant, they project Demidov to be an absolute STUD based on production. No forward who they’ve ever given 99%s to has ever been less than PPG+. Demidov has a very comparable offensive game to Celebrini, and is all but guaranteed to be a star due to his production and skillset. Alanen also projects Demidov to be elite in all 3 zones, and gives him a total RARE grade of 100, due to his next level offense and transition, and above average defensive work despite his assignments. Again, analytics aren’t an end all be all by any means. They’re just an exceptional base to build from when scouts, data scientists and NHL draft consultants unanimously believe a player to be elite. From our research, no prospects with comparable profiles have busted or not succeeded in the NHL.
Whilst reading multiple articles, watching videos on Demidov, and going through tape, we compiled the following scouting report.
Physical Attributes:
Demidov is not very physically imposing, or even one of the most physical players in the draft. He’s expected to show up to the combine around 6ft tall and weighing 170lbs. Admittedly one knock that some scouts have for him is his build and need to bulk up. Thankfully, this is easy to build at the professional level. Nonetheless, Demidov has sturdy base that enables him to dominate around the boards and in front of the net due to his rapid twitch movements and lower body power. Demidov is able to outskate and outwork larger and stronger players by being smart with his legs and driving to the inside consistently when in transition. His remarkable agility and lower-body strength allow him to outmaneuver opponents and maintain possession in tight spaces, or separate for quick attacks or desperation back checking.
Skating:
Demidov's skating is characterized by irregularities; while he exhibits great power on his edges, his transitions suffer due to a wide stance, leading to questionable but explosive pivot work. Despite this, his rapid acceleration and agility enable him to navigate through traffic seamlessly, while his powerful stride generates significant momentum, making him a constant threat in transition. Let’s clear up a misconception; Demidov is not a bad skater. He’s got decent speed, a good handle on body control, power on the inside of his edges and with quick crossovers, etc. His posture and stance need work, but this is something that looks completely fixable at the NHL level. It doesn’t require a rebuild of his skating style, rather a retool that can utilize his edgework as a base. Instead of hunching over at the end of a shift and losing speed and energy, Demidov can rely on quicker small movement cuts on for rapid movement and longer, albeit slower strides while holding himself higher to preserve energy while covering distance. While the 10 and 2 skating that Demidov employs isn’t conventional, it allows him to see a good deal of the ice, and when in close provide breaking speed towards the play. Fixing the reliance on 10 and 2 also offers faster top level skating and easier quick pivoting in a 200ft game, rather than a longer turn. Again, his skating is unorthodox – but it isn’t bad. It’s not mechanically sound, but it can be polished to a high level without a large amount of concern. Because of how unpredictable his skating is now, scouts across the board acknowledge that it potentially even grants an advantage as his body is harder to read.
Scoring Ability:
A natural sniper, Demidov possesses a lethal shot with pinpoint accuracy and a lightning-quick release that catches goaltenders off guard. Whether he's unleashing a blistering wrist shot from the slot or wiring a one-timer on the power play, Demidov consistently finds the back of the net with precision and finesse. One really underrated part of Demidov’s scoring ability comes from the aforementioned elite edgework. Due to how rapidly he can change directions while holding full control over the puck, he can create scoring lanes with almost zero room, and his accuracy is again one of the best we’ve evaluated as amateur scouts in the last few drafts. When there isn’t an immediate opening or shot, Demidov is patient, draws coverage where he wants, and again has no qualms about firing the puck to the net. If there’s one question about his ability to score, it’s his slapshot. He hasn’t had to use it in almost any occasion due to how the offense is structured on SKA 1946, and therefore it’s not as developed as his snap or wrister. This is a relatively minor knock, though. Demidov can take slapshots and find twine without much difficulty, it’s just the least refined part of his goalscoring ability.
Playmaking and Elite Hands:
Demidov has the best hands that we have scouted. Better than McDavid, better than Fantilli, better than Hughes, better than Bedard, better than Michkov, and yes, better than Patrick Kane as a prospect. Yep, that good. Hadi Kalakeche, one of Dobber’s lead scouts says, “…he has THE best handling skill I’ve seen… he’s the closest thing we’ve seen to Pavel Datsyuk since Pavel Datsyuk.” The rapidity of his movement, the purposeful puck placement, the astounding protection rate, and his ability to pull defenders off of him without moving his body is unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. Again, he has the most individual puck skill and innate offensive talent in the draft. These skills with his hands allow him to become an absolutely next level playmaker. Demidov is crafty, and has a history of faking shots to make a pass, or vice versa to help his team. He’s able to create lanes and take advantage of his puck control by having absolutely next level zone entry to set up the offense on a consistent basis. While his decision making needs some work when it comes to choosing the best move, he almost always makes the right one, and is able to think through solutions when there’s no apparent move forward. Whether it’s a drop pass, running the puck up the boards, a regroup, finding a teammate with a perfectly slotted pass, Demidov has no real ceiling. The only question remains is whether these skills will work as well at the next level. All said though, there’s no real debate between scouts that he’ll be a franchise winger.
Creativity and IQ:
Demidov is electrifying, brilliant, dynamic, innovative, transcendent, and any other adjective you want to use. There is no prospect in this draft with Demidov’s offensive upside, including Macklin Celebrini. As mentioned above, Demidov has been compared to Datsyuk: he is stellar at opening up lanes with his body or finding passes, even if they’re banked off the boards. While Bedard is a guy who was expected to shoot first, Demidov is a passer. This works in his favor, though. Demidov certainly doesn’t lack a scoring touch. His positioning and body will tell goalies and defenders he’s planning to pass and he’s able to quickly change direction using his edges to put a shot on net. His ability to think several steps ahead of the play allows him to execute highlight-reel passes and capitalize on scoring opportunities that others on his team might miss, or simply not have the skill to execute. He’s unpredictable because his vision is at such a high level. He’s got a game reminiscent of Jack Hughes and Patrick Kane, and the way he views the game has scouts absolutely over the moon about his pro projection. There really is nothing that Demidov doesn’t have the ability to do – this year in the MHL he took advantage of the strength of competition and tested it out. Demidov tried different reads, different styles, working more heavily down the middle, shooting, playdriving, etc. We’re blown away by the flexibility that he shows across every facet of the game. A really fun quote to mention from Lassi Alanen, EP’s director of Euro scouting is, “I still have like 100+ unused clips of Demidov's play from this season. He must be the most clippable prospect I've ever watched. Something eye-catching happening almost every shift during his second half of the season.” Demidov’s highlight reel isn’t really a “reel” – that’s just how he plays the game on most shifts that he takes.
Physicality and Defensive Awareness:
Demidov's physicality extends well beyond his height, as he isn't afraid to throw his weight (all 170lbs) around and engage in board battles to win possession. His defensive awareness is equally impressive, as he uses his size and reach to disrupt passing lanes and apply pressure on opposing forwards both in the defensive zone and in the neutral zone, showcasing a commitment to playing a complete, two-way game. As briefly mentioned, Demidov doesn’t exclusively play wing – he plays center too. While he’s not going to be Patrice Bergeron he is capable of handling both ends of the ice, and has consistently improved his defensive play throughout the year.
Work Ethic and Engagement:
While almost all prospects “work hard” to play their best on the ice, Demidov does that little bit more. Despite being a winger, he’s consistently one of the first players up and down the ice. He rarely coasts and drifts around but is engaged rather consistently all around the ice. One thing that’s often hard to teach prospects is how to be aggressive and assertive without being risky. Demidov never worries about challenging his opponents, fighting hard board battles, or giving his all to get back into a play after he’s low after driving to the net. This is something that the Blackhawks LOVE in their players, and should hopefully encourage GMKD to pull the trigger, if everything else didn’t sell him. As we see Demidov continue to improve in skating with NHL coaches, this should only give him more energy to expend in the 200ft game, and improve his engagement across plays. He’s an absolute workhorse, and consistently pushes to improve which evidenced by the massive improvement across this season in the MHL. There’s no reason to think this same drive can’t come through on the NHL level.
Areas to Improve and Questions:
With all the hype around Demidov, it’s hard to initially understand why he’s considered a lower end prospect than Celebrini. Digging in, though, it becomes more clear. While Demidov has the higher ceiling, he also has a much lower floor. The number one factor that limits Demidov is his exposure to higher end competition. The MHL is a good league, but Demidov was ready for the KHL last year. Since he wasn’t exposed to higher end competition there is still question on how much of his skillset will translate when playing higher level men’s hockey. There isn’t an expectation of a problem, but when a player lacks that experience, it undoubtedly makes them more challenging to project. Remember, Demidov didn’t really play meaningful KHL minutes when he got 4 games this year. He got 13th forward exposure and didn’t play with the same linemates that he worked with in the pre-season. Nonetheless, he wasn’t perfect. He did see some questionable decisions while trying to adapt to higher competition. There’s little concern that this is an actual issue, but Demidov needs to grow and play against men, even for a few games, before coming to the NHL. Thankfully, he should have the entire season in 2024-2025, and I haven’t read a single scouting report that expects him to have an issue putting up Michkov+ numbers.
The second factor is skating. Demidov is a good skater, but he’s unorthodox at best. While this skating relies heavily on his edgework which gives him amazing playmaking ability, his pivoting, high end speed, position and stride could all use refinement and improvement. While these are all skating mechanics that are easier to fix, skating is NOT a guarantee. If he’s unable to improve his skating with NHL skating coaches, it could limit his upside. He is still expected to be a top line winger, but it could be the difference between 70+ and 100+ points if skating doesn’t develop. Remember, some scouts view his skating as a “hidden” upside in his game, but improving skating not only gives him more offensive flexibility, but also defensively. There’s room for improvement, and it could be an easier lever to correct to see high rewards from.
The third factor is decision making. Demidov is creative to a fault, but just like in art, not every project works out. With such an advanced toolkit, Demidov needs to work with video coaches to better understand which moveset is appropriate in which scenario and when to deploy it. There’s a difference between decision making and IQ. Decision making is hard to fix when a prospect is set in their ways based on playstyle, but if playstyle is more flexible, then there’s much less of a concern. IQ, on the other hand is uncoachable, and Demidov has arguably the best offensive IQ in the draft. There’s no reason to believe that he can’t fix this, but due to being stuck abroad, and potentially even the MHL again next year, it could take him a bit longer to get up to NHL speed.
The final factor is defense. While it seems that every single forward prospect has a knock on their defense, we can qualify Demidov’s specifics a bit more easily. Demidov is a competent defender, and a very good well rounded player, but again decision making plays a factor in the challenge of projecting him here. While players like Celebrini are dominant both ways, Demidov often doesn’t make the right choice when defending – he has a lot of offensive instincts which have him sit higher on the blue, and while he is always engaged on the puck, he needs to be more responsible in coverage rotations. Off the rush, Demidov doesn’t always read the play correctly, and the inconsistency can create shooting lanes for his opponent. Just like Michkov, he can also cheat on plays where he finds himself a bit further away from a play and loses sight of his defensive assignment. He’s extremely energetic and consistently pushes to get back, but working with him on understanding when to cheat will be important for his development as well. We again want to reemphasize that Demidov plays solid defense and a good two way game, especially for a wingecenter. But there’s room for improvement in terms of bridging the gap between him and other recent prospects like Celebrini, Carlsson, and Johnston.
Pro Projection:
While he doesn’t have the skating that Jack Hughes had, he’s still a great projection and comparable. A smaller but nimble player who isn’t afraid to get involved on the rush, around the boards, or in transition. Demidov’s offensive upside is similar as well – like Hughes, the defense isn’t the best, but he’s able to run an entire offense both on the wing and playing center. He’s creative to a fault, has a great set of hands, and the toolkit to be a consistent top 5 player at his position in the NHL. Pro projections are always hard because you can never guarantee how a player will turn out, whether they’re undrafted or a #1OA, but Demidov is truly all but a sure thing. His creativity rivals players like Nikita Kucherov and Mitch Marner in their ability to think ahead of where the play is, his handling rivals Kane and Datysuk, his defensive play is above average for a winger, he has a great shot comparable to players like Matt Tkachuk, and is a bitch to get off the puck. Even when Demidov is literally on the ground, he’s consistently able to hold possession and find a play with no room left. With a toolkit like his, decent size at an estimated 6ft, there should be no reservations that Demidov should succeed at the next level. Most scouts see his floor around 65-70 points, and his ceiling closer to 120. I stand by the Jack Hughes comp I made earlier. While they differ in skating, they play very similar games, and should expect similar success at the next level.
Quotes:

“He’s got the best hands in the draft… and has made more one-on-one skill plays so far this season than almost any prospect I’ve scouted for any draft. He’s also a pretty engaged off-puck player who keeps his feet moving, hunts pucks on the forecheck, and can turn a steal into a game-breaking play in an instant.”
Scott Wheeler, The Athletic
“Demidov is already a game-breaking forward who can move the puck effortlessly and there’s no question he’d be a fantastic partner to some of the best prospects in the NHL today. His production in the MHL is comparable to Patrick Kane’s 2006-07 season with the Ontario Hockey League’s London Knights… Demidov is a bonafide first-line winger who will score tons of goals.”
Dayton Reimer, The Hockey Writers
“In a vacuum he’s the most talented forward this draft class has to offer outside of Celebrini. Demidov possesses many of the same traits Celebrini does, only his track record is against younger, more unproven talent."
Sam Cosentino, Sportsnet
“The talent of Demidov is impossible to deny. His raw skills might be the best in terms of offense in the entire draft. His puckhandling, shot, passing, and even skating makes him a unique hockey player and prospect. There are many great offensive players, but not many quite like Demidov. Especially who will also have a great drive and motor to play a strong 200 foot game… he could easily be a point per game player in the NHL on most teams first line.”
Frederik Frandsen, Last Word on Sports
“At the end of the day, what you get in a player like Ivan Demidov is a generational offensive dynamo with the mind of a master chess player. Each time he gains possession of the biscuit, his ability to think many steps ahead of the opponent, find creative solutions involving his puck handling abilities, as well as creating tremendous execution at creating space with his skating or precisely hitting the net is considered to be up to par at the NHL level.”
Tyler Ballesteros-Willard, Draft Prospects Hockey
“Any forward that has ever had the type of equivalency we’ve seen from Demidov in his pre-draft year and draft year, going back to the ’80s, has turned into a point-per-game-plus superstar over their careers… You need stars to compete and contend in the NHL, and Demidov is almost guaranteed to be that.”
Byron Bader, Hockey Prospecting
“Demidov is the most dynamic, verstatile, and creative [puck] handler we’ve seen come through the draft in recent years. Elements of his on-puck decision-making remain raw, but his upside as a 100-point top-line winger is supported by decent off-puck and defensive engagement and lightning-quick processing of the game. His elite-level of on-puck intelligence and his trifecta of dynamic handling, playmaking, and goalscoring tools give him the foundation to become an electrifying creative force and offensive driver.”
Sebastian High, Dobber
“Demidov breaks defences. He spots a tiny gap in coverage, bursts right through, and blows it open. He plays mostly a finesse game, but does so hyper-aggressively, attacking everything he can. Demidov succeeds at pulling off plays that most prospects can't. He plans, processes, and anticipates faster than he can stickhandle. He's a pure creator with the puck, making plays out of nothing.”
David St. Louis, Elite Prospects
“Demidov is the more dynamic and flashy prospect [Than Michkov].Demidov is the single-most gifted handler in the entire 2024 class. He projects to be the superior one-on-one attacker…someone who can single-handedly create out of thin air. When it comes to passing ability…Demidov’s ability to chain together handling sequences into following passing plays is second to none.”
Lassi Alanen, Elite Prospects
“It’s a no brainer[at #2OA]. It’s Ivan Demidov all day, every day, 24/7. You run to the stage and pick him… if you ask me, Ivan Demidov is better than Matvei Michkov… He’s the only prospect in our rankings who we gave a 10 grade to for a specific ability. It’s not just the handling skill in isolation it’s the creativity. He comes up with solutions no one can expect.. his motor is underrated, puts in work defensively… it’s a no brainer there.”
Hadi Kalakeche, Locked on NHL/Dobber

Our Scouting:
Clip 1:
As we talked about prior, Demidov has a great IQ and the ability to create lanes and plays out of nothing. Demidov pushes up the ice and enters the zone with pressure closing onto the side. He uses his hands to pull in control, but more impressively, puts his body between the defender and the puck. He uses his edgework and breaking speed to push past the defender, then is patient enough to draw 3 defenders towards him, away from his teammate. When he sees the trailing defenseman waiting, he immediately finds a tight pass for a wide open teammate to capitalize.
Clip 2:
There’s a difference between a safe move, and then there’s an insane move. Watch as Demidov comes up on the left side. He sees that the defender is getting desperate and goes for a large poke. Demidov slides the puck under the Dman’s stick and once again shows off his patience. Instead of going for a quick shot he reads that the other defender is slowly coming across the crease to prevent a passing lane. Instead of just shooting like most players, Demidov baits the goalie into thinking he’s going to run into the defenseman, and in that second, puts the puck in the net.
Clip 3:
Small play, but this is just about how slick his passing is. He slides the puck through a very tight lane while baiting the defenseman into sliding due to not knowing where the play is going to be.
Clip 4:
While we can put on nonstop highlights, it’s also important to see how smart Demidov’s game is. Demidov and the other SKA players move the puck around a bit trying to find an opening until they give it to Demidov. Demidov reads an open play and passes the puck down, but instead of immediately following the puck or staying at his spot, Demidov uses his high engagement to instead move to the other side of the net down low to offer accessory support for his teammates on his anticipated cross crease pass, should there have been a rebound.
Clip 5:
Not every highlight is going to be a goal. One really underrated part of Demidov’s game is how well he’s able to read the offense. As he holds high initially, he’s able to help move the puck out in order to reset the offense when the play fails. His motor keeps him in the play and with his excellent edges, he’s able to make a quick pivot after rushing around in order to step up and create an open shooting lane. While his teammate can’t make the pass to get the puck to him, Demidov read where the play WOULD be, not just where it was. Those IQ aspects really can’t be taught, and are part of what makes him so special. By anticipating the open play rather than following the puck, he establishes himself as a play driver by creating options rather just following and executing structure at a high level.
Clip 6:
We're not even going to analyze this one. It’s just fucking fun. Talent oozes.
Clip 7:
This video has a ton of highlights, which I’d definitely recommend watching, but we’re going to focus specifically on the play at 0:45. We can post clips of Demidov scoring goals, finding breakaways, etc. all day long, but when thinking about translation to the NHL, IQ and decision making is what we’re really drying to drill down on. Demidov arrives in the zone through to middle and pushes the initial F1 to the F3 spot and changes the rotation. The puck is dumped to him and the initial F1 leaves a drop pass for Demidov approaching the goal. As soon as Demidov gets the puck, at 0:47, you can see him primed and in a good shooting position. The bigger defender misread the play and has drifted too far towards the center of the ice, leaving Demidov with a nearly unobstructed shooting lane as the netfront defenseman is also too far toward the middle. Instead of taking the shot, he instead waits to draw over the netfront defenseman, and the bigger defenseman closer towards him, leaving his teammate literally untouched across the crease. Demidov trusts his hands and ability with an extremely quick and accurate pass through the stick range of three defenders to find his teammate wide open. His decision making has been progressively improving and his ability to look off the shot to find an elite pass will translate extremely well to the next level.
Clip 8:
Another play where you can just be excited about Demidov. The puck is wrapped up around the boards and the defenseman sitting at the top of the blue just pushes the puck back into the zone without a clear target, or a player who has an explicit opening to the puck. If anything, the puck is put in the middle of all 5 Karpat skaters. Despite starting on the outside, Demidov’s engagement shines through where he uses his edgework to get a rapid explosive burst of speed, and pushes through both defenders in front of him to gain possession. Once he gains possession, his ability to control the puck, and his handles help to demonstrate just how strong of a prospect Demidov is. Even when the defender is falling onto him, Demidov is patient, makes the netfront defender bite to believe he’s going wide, creating a lane (effectively bypassing 3 separate Karpat players) to get to the goalie unobstructed. Then, his hands come out and he absolutely undresses the netminder with moves that the video literally cannot fully capture. He makes highlights like this look routine, every single game.
Clip 9:
Sometimes when you see a play it’s hard to say anything but wow. Demidov leads the rush through the neutral zone and reads the coverage a much less conventional 1-4 scheme. The offensive rush is a bit unconventional as well, but can offer a smart solution. By having 3 attackers, two concentrated up the middle and one wide, it allows for quick movement up the middle, and post defensive collapse onto the puck, a pass to the outside for a clear entry lane and shot. Demidov passes to his teammate directly across the center of the ice as he expects that teammate to immediately get puck to their teammate on the outside as coverage collapses. Demidov gauges where the openings are pre pass, as evidenced by the head movement. Unfortunately, instead of immediately passing again to the outside for an open lane, his teammate runs into pressure, and panics. He passes back to Demidov who is less than 8ft away and will inevitably will run into immediate pressure as well. Somehow, this is no problem for Demidov. He collects the puck with the literal tip of his stick, uses his body push the defender off, and then pulls the puck in while facing the wrong direction to slip past the defender. Despite being placed in a no win situation his hands and creativity shine through and he creates a clean lane to shoot the puck at the net. It’s almost inhuman what he’s able to do with his hands. When he gets to the net, he’s patient, baits the goalie, pulls wide, and then puts in a clean backhand. Some of these highlights are literally awe-inspiring.
Closing Thoughts:
If this scouting report doesn’t get you excited for Demidov, we don’t think anything will. He’s truly the most electric player in the draft with absolutely ridiculous hands, compete, dynamic play, and highlight reel performance. His IQ is next level, and his hands allow him to do truly amazing things with his skillset and competency. Demidov’s vision is absurd; he consistently makes passes to his teammates without looking, or sends a pass before a teammate has a clean break by using anticipation. These RARELY lead to a turnovers and are often not only creative but unorthodox methods to continue to move the puck up ice. Although his skating is unorthodox, he’s explosive, able to create comprehensive offensive maneuvers due to quick transitions, and make off angle passes with ease due to his edgework. He is elite in transition and able to run a breakout, an offense, and play any of the F1/F2/F3 roles when the situation calls for it. Despite his expected size of “only” 6ft 170lbs, Demidov knows how to use his body and hands. He not only protects the puck on offense but can draw defenders away from his teammates in predictable patterns, once again opening up space for him to capitalize. The same goes for defense where he's able to use his positioning to get the edge on his opponents for a rapid takeaway or a box out off the rush.
As we mentioned earlier, Demidov’s game isn’t limited only to offense, he has a decent understanding of the two way game as well. He’s a relentless forechecker, aggressive on the boards, and also always willing to use his high running motor to jump back into a play that leaves the zone, even if he’s right next to the net. Demidov has the most skill and raw talent out of any player in this draft, including Celebrini. Had Demidov not been demoted to the MHL due to SKA’s poor management, there is almost no doubt that he would be considered nearly neck and neck with Celebrini. As it is now, Demidov is ranked #2 on most boards, and the overall #2 in the consolidated ranking. Demidovs don’t come around often; people last year were genuinely considering whether Michkov was at Bedard’s level. Demidov rivals Michkov if not exceeds him.
You can nitpick the analysis we have of any one single aspect of Demidov. Not everyone buys analytics. Not everyone buys playmaking in a lower league. Not everyone likes irregular skating. Not everyone is on board with the MHL stat sheet, our hype etc. etc. We get it. Really, we do. But at the end of the day, when you step back and appreciate the full body of work, the comps, the analytics, the rave scouting reports, unanimous love, models, stat sheets, skill, work ethic, and more that ALL say that this kid is elite, there’s fire beyond the smoke. Demidov is THE guy. There should not be a debate at #2.
For those of you who made it to the end, thanks for reading! Ultimately we know there will be inevitable debate about a prospect, but we appreciate you hearing us out, and at least letting me, u/GoldWhale, spam the sub over the last few weeks in love of Demidov. Whether or not you agree with our analysis, we encourage you to do your own scouting, read from the authors we've included, watch through all the highlights in the linked videos, and draw your own conclusions!
We appreciate everyone in this community, and will try to answer any questions that you may have in the comments. If you so choose, please feel free to crosspost to other subs, edit, or utilize this writeup anywhere you like (forums/blogs/youtube etc.), just link back to our original post! For those in professional media who have contacted us with the hope of utilizing our writeup, feel free, again just link back to the original post as well. Thanks again!

First Prev Archive Royal Road Patreon
The testing started out extraordinarily simple. Simple math, elementary school basic, but as I knocked out questions on the tablet, it definitely moved up. This held true in all sections, but I didn't catch on until eventually, Brad held up his hand, "Mr. Donny, it says my test is done."
Donny nodded, checking his computer at his desk really quickly, "Alright then, why don't you take yourself on down t'the cafeteria. Here's a card so y'can get yourself somethin' t'eat."
I spared a glance at Darryl, who similarly, glanced over at me, and we nodded. There was no reality where Brad Warner was simply smarter than everyone else here, and that meant the parameters were different than what we generally assumed during testing. The test kept going until you hit the wall, programmed to see how far you could take it. The questions stepped up as you answered, but that wouldn't be enough, cause then you could take forever, so there was a time element. The faster and more correctly you answer then, the higher your level goes. My questions were getting more and more detailed, more advanced maths and sciences. The test itself was designed to end when you hit the limit of your learning, but not in a 'get one question wrong' way, but a summation of overall knowledge.
Aimee was the next to complete her test,and was similarly handed a card for the cafeteria as she walked up dejectedly, and I spared a glance again. Darryl was just sort of loving life, while Mackenzie was clearly getting frustrated. We kept pushing through, until Mackenzie slammed her desk with both hands, startling everyone, "Damn it!"
She stalked to the front, snatched her card out of Donny's hand, and stormed out of the room, muttering something about eternal emnity. Darryl and I eyed each other: We were the last two left, and Darryl mouthed a congratulations to me before getting back into it. We kept going for a while, and finally, a hand went up, "Done."
Darryl's head shot in my direction, and Donny smiled, "Alright then, come get your card."
I got up, and took my card, then walked over to Darryl, "I didn't hold back."
I walked out of the room to head off to the cafeteria. In the end, I'd gone as far as the test would allow in Math and Science, the things I was consistently using. Where I'd met my match was English and Social Studies. I simply hadn't studied it as much due to the project and company needs, and thus neither improved much since I'd read my textbooks. I swung through the cafeteria, very aware that everyone was staring at me from their table as I grabbed food and drinks, and came to sit. Mackenzie gave me a look, "Darryl won?!"
I got her annoyance. She was two years ahead of us, and highly competitive by nature. Her chain of trophies had not been an accident or by anyone else's hand but hers, "Yup. He got me. Pretty sure I got dinged on Social Studies and English."
Aimee cut in, "But, like, your 1%?"
"1% only effects what I work on. I haven't been in an English class since the end of September, and it's not like I've been keeping up since. Same thing with Social Studies, it's mostly a study of history, and I haven't had the time for it. The math and science sure, but I haven't really had a reason to advance in my understanding of literature or broader history, so it didn't improve," I shrugged a bit as I dug into my little sub.
Aimee and Mackenzie were both upset at their placement, but Brad seemed perfectly fine. He'd never expected to do better, and it wasn't like he was invested in it, so it was nothing that he wasn't the smartest person in the room. He'd known he wasn't. Makenzie was basically ready to go redo the test for the sake of vengeance, so she'd be fine, but Aimee was pretty upset. I took a break from food to look at her, "Aimee, I'm sure you did fine. I've got a literal superpower for learning, Darryl's a super-nerd, and Mackenzie is two years ahead of you in school. Plus, we don't know what he's potentially scoring us on."
She was biting her lip a bit, which was distractingly cute, "I know, but..."
"This was an assessment test. As far as I understand it, there's no way to fail, it's just so that he knows where we're at," I spoke softly, taking her hand.
Aimee my hand, but looked close to tears, "But you're so..."
A sound of disgust turned us toward Brad, who finally joined in the conversation, "So what if you're not as smart? Who even gives a damn?! Like, dude, no one's ever gonna be as smart as him again. It'd be like saying you'll never be in the NBA cause you lost a pick-up game where the other team has Lebron, Jordan, and Bryant in their prime."
We all took a moment. Brad didn't really talk that much, so the idea of him being deep was... new. I smirked a little, "Very well-put, Brad."
It was well-put, and gave Aimee some context, not least of which was that she played basketball and the metaphor applied directly for her. She came down a moment and wiped her eyes, and we started chatting about stuff at the H.A.A. and classes until Darryl and Donny showed up. Darryl looked like he'd been through the wars, but he was still smiling, so clearly he was pretty proud of himself as he sat with us.
Donny stepped up with his tray, but didn't take a seat, "Alright y'all, now, I gotta go over the test results and whatnot, so while I'm workin' on that, you guys eat, and then go take some time in the rec area. Sound good?"
We nodded. After being stuck in testing for so long, getting to stretch our legs was a relief. Mackenzie needed to blow off steam, so we went up to one of the second floor halls to spar while the others watched. I took a moment before we got started to get a sidebar with Mackenzie, "I get it. Darryl beat you."
"This time. I'm a junior. I should've been able to beat him," She was distinctly displeased with herself as she put on sparring pads.
"Mackenzie, it's like Brad said, Darryl's a super-nerd, and he was in a test of knowledge. There's a reason he's in the honors classes," putting on my own pads as I continued, "And I get it. Losing to me, you could've taken it cause of the 1%, but Darryl was smarter than all of us combined before, that didn't shift since I got awakened, only my power did."
She glared up from the ground she sat on to get her footpads on, and while she didn't directly respond, I knew her well enough to know she was getting it. It did not do anything for her current temper. She was determined to be the best, not good, not great, the best. Anything less was a flaw in need of correction. Mackenzie kipped up off the floor, and discussion time was over. We bowed, took stance, and when Darryl called the start, she immediately went on the assault. She fired off a punch at my face, immediately dropping low for a sweep that I stepped over, and immediately launched into a waist take down, using the force of rebound from dropping low. With arms already up from the block, and one foot off the mat, she got her take down... sort of. Instead of trying to fight it, I rolled with it, catching her belt, and throwing her as we hit the mat, using the momentum of the fall. She didn't go too far, but it was for me to break out as she threw a ground elbow to drive me off, then spun as she rose, getting more distance from a series of spinning kicks. We were back in neutral stance, but now on opposite sides. I launched into my offensive.
Darryl knew what it was like when we sparred, but not Aimee and Brad. Aimee was a bit shocked at how hard we went at it, and Brad looked like he was going to throw up, that ingrained fear of my sister being given legitimacy before his eyes. Our sparring sessions had changed, though, with it being done more or less in 'turns' now, with Mackenzie taking the lead off on offense, then me reversing to take it back and press her. We finished up after a few turns, and I grabbed a towel from the side, where Aimee was waiting, "So that's what it's like when you go all out?"
Mackenzie laughed, "Hell no. I tried that ride once, just for fun and yeah, no, I got nothing for that."
I could see Aimee considering her words, and there was something there she wanted to talk about, but she wanted to talk about it privately, "Alright, everyone. I don't know about everyone else, but I could use a cool off. I'm hitting the pool."
We got changed out, and hit the pool for a bit, mostly just relaxing. That's where Donny found us, "Alright y'all, got my lunch in and tests're graded."
Brad groaned, "Aw man, we gotta go back to class?"
Donny smiled, "Nah. We gotta do the physical assessment, and since y'all're already here, why don't we start with the pool?"
And that's when Darryl groaned. His time as champion of the assessments had come to an end.
First Prev Archive Royal Road Patreon

Hello everyone, So for the past couple of seasons I have been dealing with a poorly running system in my house. for example if its 85 Degrees outside i can only get the house down to about 74 with the thermostat set to about 64. The system is old from like 2004 and I am aware that I am due for a replacement and have gotten 2 quotes so far between $12k-$16k (which I think is high btw, what do you think? I am in the northeast.
This wasnt always an issue, the system worked great for the first couple of years after purchasing the house in 2020. Then in 2022 the capacitor went bad in the beginning of the season. I have strong DIY skills and do many jobs on my own that most wouldn't so I was more then comfortable with replacing it. I went to a local HVAC supply and the guy gave me what he had in stock and said it would work. So i replaced it and everything worked ok but I noticed some performance issues as in temperatures. About a month later I get home one night and it was almost 80 in the house I knew something was wrong, I checked the compressor unit and heard it humming but the fan wasnt spinning, so after some troubleshooting and getting the fan to kick on when giving it a spin by hand I knew the fan motor was toast. I ordered a direct replacement from Supply House and swapped it out. the replacement went smooth and I gave both units a nice cleaning at the same time. Ever since then the system has been unable to get the house 10 degrees cooler than outside temp anytime its 85 or higher outside. I have had 2 different Techs come out and look at it and one literally came out and looked at the units and listened to them and said "yea they are just old" and then charged me $150 lol the next guy was late last season, he actually hooked up a gauge set atleast and said the refrigerant level was good and everything appeared to be running fine and said the compressor is just old and I need a new system and proceeded to quote me $12k for the replacement. So the question is 1. Can something I replaced cause this to happen, and what are your guys thoughts on the issue? and 2. Is there anything that can be done to somehow increase the performance and maybe get me another season or two out of this thing.
I know this was a lot to read and I apologize for that but any info and help is appreciated. Thanks Everyone in advance. BTW the unit is a Weatherking Model 10aja3601 Manufacture date 2004 with a matching air handler.

Hi, I would really appreciate feedback. This is an ethical question and I feel a vet may have advice as they understand euthanasia. I’m trying to plan for future care of my rabbits, as I want to be prepared for when the time comes, and not make the wrong decisions in a rush. I want to know if my idea is kind, or terrible. I’m going to include some basic info on rabbits that the vets will know, but just incase its helpful for others.
I have two lionhead rabbits who are 7, the lifespan is 7 to 9 years. My rabbits have been bonded since birth. A rabbit bond is a deep and powerful relationship. It’s important for you to know that my rabbits have never been very interested in human interaction. They will be groomed but they do not like to be picked up or cuddled. I sit with them often but they pay me no interest. I’m adding this information because you may be picturing a cuddly pet bunny, These two have always just gone round together. Due to my parents fostering rescues, I was taught not to place expectations on animals, so I’ve let them be as they are.
I have been concerned for a while about what will happen when one dies. Due to family circumstances we unfortunately are not able to take on another rabbit. Im happy to explain this if necessary. As far as I can see this leaves two options for the surviving rabbit.

• Continue to live alone in their room
  
• Go to an overcrowded rescue in the hope of being re-bonded.
  

Neither of these options feel great and its been on my mind. I’ve done some reading about rabbit grief and learnt that it can include deep depression and refusal to eat. To quote one article-
“Do not underestimate a rabbit’s mourning, many rabbit’s have died from a broken heart after the loss of a loved one.”
I’ve also read that a rabbit used to living as a pair is unlikely to be completely happy on its own again. I suddenly wandered if given the age of the surviving rabbit, and future prospects, Maybe to put them through all that suffering for another year or sos life, maybe even less, was not necessary. They’ve had a happy life and I don’t like to think of one ending it’s days in grief and alone.
This is when I wandered if maybe they should be euthanised at the same time if the situation arises that one of them needs to be?
Please can I have feedback on this option, please Understand that when the time comes I have the rabbits welfare as my priority, and I want to make the most humane decision. If the feedback says this is not a good option, It won’t happen.

WASHINGTON (AP) — U.S. airlines are suing to block the Biden administration from requiring greater transparency over fees that the carriers charge their passengers, saying that a new rule would confuse consumers by giving them too much information during the ticket-buying process.
The U.S. Transportation Department said Monday it will vigorously defend the rule against what it called “hidden junk fees.”
American, Delta, United and three other carriers, along with their industry trade group, sued the Transportation Department in a federal appeals court on Friday, asking the court to overturn the rule.
The trade group, Airlines for America, said the Transportation Department is going beyond its authority by attempting “to regulate private business operations in a thriving marketplace.” The airlines said the administration hasn’t shown that consumers can’t get information about fees already.
“Airlines go to great lengths to make their customers knowledgeable about these fees,” Airlines for America said Monday. “The ancillary fee rule by the Department of Transportation will greatly confuse consumers who will be inundated with information that will only serve to complicate the buying process.”
The Transportation Department announced the new rule on April 24. It would require airlines and travel agents to disclose upfront any charges for baggage and canceling or changing a reservation. Airlines must show the fees on the first website page where they quote a price for a flight.
The agency estimated that the rule will save consumers more than $500 million a year.
“We will vigorously defend our rule protecting people from hidden junk fees and ensuring travelers can see the full price of a flight before they purchase a ticket. Many air travelers will be disappointed to learn that the airline lobby is suing to stop these common-sense protections,” the department said Monday.
Among the nation’s six biggest airlines, only Southwest did not join the legal challenge, which was filed in the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans. Southwest said the rule will have little to no effect on it because the Dallas-based carrier lets passengers check two bags for free and has never charged extra fees for changing or canceling reservations.
“Overall, we support every airline’s right to price its products but believe fees should be clearly and consistently disclosed, so consumers can make informed purchasing decisions,” Southwest said.

AP

We just issued a rule requiring airlines to inform you, before you buy a ticket, of fees they will charge you. Now, the airline lobby is suing us, saying that if you have the right to that information it will "confuse" you. For once, I am speechless.

Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg
Relevance to BP

I wanted to share my experience with the entire Carvana package now that our car is paid off and all monetary transactions with them are over.
This will get long, as it started in 2019.
We bought our 17' Rogue from Carvana in April of 2019. I was researching vehicles for close to 3 months before finally pulling the trigger on this particular model. It was about 34k miles, 2.5 years old, located in Illinois. I liked the geographic area for chances the vehicle hadn't seen a lot of snow for the first 2 years of it life as Carfax activity showed it was most likely in the southern part of the state.
I also chose this specific Rogue as the VIN indicated the vehicle was made in South Korea, as opposed to Tennessee. The difference is all Rogues made in South Korea received engines and CVT's from Japan, while US made models had engines from Japan or US, and CVT's from Mexico which was a no go for me. I will also go one more and state Korean labor for assembly is far more disciplined than what you find in the US and especially mexico. Fun fact for those still paying attention - The Nissan Rogue's that have the flat Nissan logo on the grille behind smoked plastic were made in South Korea. They stopped production there in early 2020.
What interested me in Carvana was-

1. Buying a car is the sleaziest most frustrating process from a dealer
   
2. I could hand pick from an inventory of cars across the country willing to pay for delivery
   
3. They offered me 500 dollars off the final price of a car in a letter campaign, as they were still growing
   

I started looking over inventory for a month, and decided to sign up and go for the soft credit pull to see what terms Carvana would offer. I was prequalified for a used car loan through my credit union, so I wanted to see Carvana's terms would be. The loan and term tools were pretty damn cool at the time, you could just jiggle those sliders and almost completely tailor a lending solution to fit your needs.
After the soft credit pull and a single pay stub, Carvana pre-approved me for any car up to 90k, with zero money down. I laughed. Hard. I had decent credit but wasnt going to bury myself.
After I settled down to a few models, I worked through the trade-in portion of the site, and found it was real easy to get a quote to trade in our 2005 Escape XLT which was a great car, but in Ford fashion the frame was rotting away. I had a fair offer for the trade in, described it honestly.
We also opted for the SilverRock warranty. Nissan, CVT, etc.
The big sale!
After watching how quickly some cars came and went early on, I got everything I needed for the trade in. Scan of the title, picture of the milage, car pictures. We were putting 2k down on the car, so the cash was waiting in my account, ready for transfer or cashier check if we were going to go with Carvana final loan offer.
The day I pulled the trigger on our Rogue, the entire process took all of 20 minutes. I was amazed, and honestly thought at the time "This should be illegal for how easy that was".
The offer for Carvana finance was within a couple tenths of my credit union, so I opted to simplify the process and go with them. Carvana performed a hard pull on my credit, confirmed the terms, and required confirmation from my bank that the money for deposit was in my account. I provided my bank login credentials and the process was done in minutes.
I had to provide a copy of my license and items related to the trade in, and it was done, in literally 20 minutes. I wondered if I was making a mistake..
It was an amazing deal, every dealer in the area was selling the same model for well over 2k of what we paid, so the SilverRock warranty was pretty much free after the additional 500 discount off the final price of the car.
Delivery - Trade in!
It was delayed. Twice. Pretty disappointing. Some pretty lame excuses. Honestly I should have expected a reasonable delivery date as the I knew the car I bought was 1500 miles away, but Carvana makes unrealistic delivery promises and is my biggest gripe regarding them.
When delivery day finally came, the Rogue was everything I had hoped it would be. While on the delivery truck I asked to inspect the undercarriage, and the driver was super friendly and allowed me to take my time. I looked it all over, looking for rust, oil leaks, you name it and I found nothing nothing, including nothing suspect like it had been cleaned. It was a 2-ish year old car with light dirt and surface rust where you would expect.
Once the Rogue was unloaded I was free to look it over with a fine comb, pop the hood, check the fluids, look for dents and dings, paint issues, interior issues, you name it. I found nothing major, just some minor things like paint polish slag in small corners and what not. Interior was very clean and detailed.
While I was looking over the Rogue, the delivery driver was loading the trade-in. He took some pictures, verified the mileage, checked the "check engine" light was off and started loading it on his truck.
I live in Massachusetts with very strict license and registration requirements. A few days before the delivery, someone from the Danvers site reached out to me about the registration details. I was transferring the plates from the trade in and they were finalizing the paperwork. I was provided the new registration, and the delivery driver had the new registration in hand so we could just put the plates on the Rogue and be ready to roll.
I took the Rogue for a 20 minute test drive, signed off on the purchase and trade. Driver headed off with the trade in and that was it. Carvana never called or questioned what they gave me for the trade.
Post delivery!
The very next day I brought the Rogue to work, I work in transportation/logistics and my site has ASE mechanics that I know very well. I asked him to go over the Rogue with the white glove and let me know if they think anything is wrong, as I have 6 days to return the car. They did so and they didnt find anything, just amazed at how clean the undercarriage, engine, and fluids were.
If I didn't have access to an ASE certified mechanic in this situation that I really trusted, I would have paid for a purchase inspection from a Nissan dealer. I did pay for the trusted inspection, just not in dollars lol.
After the personal vehicle inspection, my wife and I took off for a long weekend road trip roaming the White mountains of New Hampshire. Three days across many miles that easily blew out the initial vehicle 7 day warranty mileage. The Rogue was amazing through the mountains getting a ridiculous 30mpg through the entire trip. I wasn't concerned as people I trust cleared the car, and I also had the SilverRock warranty to cover the rest..
Speaking of warranty..
SilverRock!
The first, and pretty much only issue with the Rogue, was at about 48k miles. Massachusetts has a comprehensive yearly vehicle inspection program. At about 48k miles, the Rogue failed inspection for a bad inner tie rod, passenger side. Contacted SilverRock, and they gave me the local network shop here in Massachusetts, Monro.Monro is a regional repair shop here in MA with many locations. I take the Rogue to them and they diagnose that indeed the passenger side inner tie rod has gone bad. Repair tech states he has never seen one go bad on a Nissan at the current mileage.
The service manager starts looking around for the parts, called about 5 places, then calls a Nissan dealer. The Nissan dealer informs him the inner tie rod is not available for the 17, the only way to to repair the defect is replace the entire electric steering rack which comes with the inner and outer tie rods complete.
I call SilverRock with the service manager. I provide my name and vehicle make, SilverRock knows who I am right away. SilverRock rep asks whats wrong, service manager laid it down. SilverRock rep transfers us to a manager, manager asked about a few more details and then asked the service manager of Monro to send the estimate.
I get a call from the manager of Monro the next day, he said he went back and forth with SilverRock for about 20 minutes and got the entire job covered, throwing in a free front end alignment, for 1500 dollars using a genuine Nissan OEM steering rack.
SilverRock paid everything but the 100 dollar deductible. I picked up the Rogue 2 days later, paid 100, and went back for inspection. It passed.
Anyone reading this that knows about car repair, an inner tie rod costs maybe 150 dollars OEM. The fact it wasn't available and they had to replace the entire rack was absurd, yet they did it with a new OEM rack. At the time SilverRock could have required a rack used from a salvage yard, but they didn't.
I have nothing but positive things to say about SilverRock.
Bridgecrest!!
The silent partner.
I have NEVER spoken to someone at Bridgecrest. I have never called them. They have never called me.
I have NEVER emailed Bridgecrest. They have emailed me every single month for the life of my loan, after making a payment.
They fronted me the money, and expected it back. I paid it back, as expected. On time.
5 stars, and they will return the favor on my credit now that the loan is clear.
WHY YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY
Do your homework - buying a car is a capital investment in your future that loses money. You need a car to be reliable for your job, your family, your life. You need to spend money on a regular basis to keep that car reliable, on top of your car payment.
Know your budget - Dont fall for finance traps. Only buy what you can comfortably afford, again, owning a car costs you more money than what's on the final loan payment.
Get your car inspected ASAP - Pay a dealer for a purchase inspection. Schedule it ahead of time. Inform Carvana of the issues within 3 days of delivery and ask them to pick up the car. Carvana will make the car right, as they dont want to take the car back from qualified buyers. Keep on top of them until the car is what was expected.
Why Carvana may be bad for you
You have bad credit - Better know what you are signing on for. The majority of complaints in this sub are from people that have bad credit, cant read, and cant learn from past mistakes. Thats a personal problem, not a Carvana problem.
Closing
Aside from some delays in delivery, We have had an amazing 5 year journey with Carvana and associated companies. Our Rogue is now at over 100k miles and still drives and looks like new. We perform all maintenance as required, without question.
Living in MA, the last 5 years our Rogue has taken us thousands of miles over the White Mountains of New Hampshire, all through the Mountains of Maine, and multiple trips to Canada to visit the iconic Niagara Falls.
My wife travels every day for work, and the Rogue is her daily driver putting 3k miles on the clock every 2.5 months. We change the oil every 3k miles, perform the required CVT services at the dealer, and keep the tires rotated every 8K.
The tires that came on the Rogue from Carvana were in fact new, but the kind of tires that have a 30k mile treadwear warranty. The first snowy New England day we slipped through a stop sign in light snow, the next week we replaced the tires all around with BF Goodrich Advantage TA sport tires and the Rogue has been amazing in the snow ever since.
After getting our Rogue, my coworker was so impressed he bought not 1, but 2 cars from Carvana. Bastard got both cars delivered on time, on the same day, from different parts of the country.. I was so jealous lol. His cars had some minor issues, but Carvana took car of them.
My daughter bought a Nissan as well from Carvana. It had a few front end issues, but ultimately was taken care of through constant communication with Carvana during the 7 day test drive.
Will I use Carvana again? Yes.
Will it be soon? Not really.
Our other car is a Hyundai and running strong.
Hope some of my diatribe will be useful to anyone considering Carvana as usually is all bad mouth drival posted here.

EDIT: location is Michigan!
As the title states, I’m about to take delivery on my new 992 GTS (extremely excited). I haven’t owned a meaningfully expensive car before so curious if others have recommendations on which insurance company / companies cater well to 911s, Porsches, or generally high value cars?
I’m currently with Geico and will get quotes from the major providers but any advice would be greatly appreciated

Dear Poetry Fanciers,
Welcome back for a special Victorian edition of Poetry Corner, brought to you by u/NightAngelRogue and a splendid accompaniment for our upcoming read of The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage. Just a reminder, if there is a special poem you would like to feature in Poetry Corner, just send me a message and we'll get it the schedule!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Joke:
Q: Nelson Mandela, Tuberculosis and Long John Silver walk in a bar. Who are they talking about as they go in?
A: Probably William Ernest Henley (1849-1903).
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Poet, journalist, literary critic, editor, publisher, translator and Victorian-extraordinaire, Henley, was a good friend to Robert Louis Stevenson, who he inspired to write the character "Long John Silver" in Treasure Island. Stevenson, writing to Henley-" I will now make a confession: It was the sight of your maimed strength and masterfulness that begot Long John Silver ... the idea of the maimed man, ruling and dreaded by the sound, was entirely taken from you". The friendship was a tumultuous and long one.
Henley's sickly daughter, Margaret, was the inspiration of "Wendy" in J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. She would not live long past her 5th birthday, the only child Henley had with his wife, Hannah "Anna" Johnston Boyle. Tragedy had long painted his life even before this sad event. He was diagnosed with a rare form of tuberculosis at age 12, that affected his bones. His left leg had to be amputated below the knee when Henley was a young man, and he was often in the hospital with various abscesses that need to be drained. Frequent illness kept him out of school and interrupted his professional work. Henley eventually sought out the advice of Joseph Lister, who was pioneering new techniques, including antiseptic operating conditions and doing groundbreaking research on wounds, when his right foot become affected by the tuberculosis. Still, his ill-health did not keep him from practicing his art. While Lister kept him under observation at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, from 1873-75, Henly wrote and published a collection of poems, which include today's selection, In Hospital (1903). This collection of poems is notable also because it was one of the earliest examples of free verse in English poetry. Henley and others in his group became known as the "Henley Regatta" for their championing of realism, such as the poor working conditions in the Victorian underbelly, in opposition to the Decadent movement in France and the Aesthetic movement closer to home. This would be the last collection of poetry and the most impactful of his work; his death would follow later that year. Unfortunately, a fall from a carriage reawakened the latent tuberculosis hiding inside him, which carried him off age 53. He was buried next to his daughter, in Cockaney Hatley, Bedfordshire. His wife would later also be buried alongside her family.
His legacy is one that is both inspiring and rather dispiriting. His poetry was used for jingoistic and imperialist causes, and to champion war, though much of it was about personal striving and inner resolve-the mythical "Stiff Upper Lip" of the Victorian era. This led to push back in the literary world, as D.H. Lawrence's short story, "England, My England and Other Stories" took flight from one of the lines from "Pro Rege Nostro", which is more patriotic than his usual work. Admittedly, he counted himself as a conservative and supported the imperial effort, as much of Victorian society did at this time. Still, his work fell into obscurity, with the main exception of "Invictus"-Latin for "unconquered". It is well known that Nelson Mandela recited this poem to his fellow inmates in Robben Island as a reminder to stay strong and keep one's dignity. There are also, of course, the Invictus Games, which are held for injured and sick service men and women and veterans in the UK.
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Winston Churchill to the House of Commons, September 9, 1941:
"“The mood of Britain is wisely and rightly averse from every form of shallow or premature exultation. This is no time for boasts or glowing prophecies, but there is this—a year ago our position looked forlorn, and well nigh desperate, to all eyes but our own. Today we may say aloud before an awe-struck world, ‘We are still masters of our fate. We still are captain of our souls.'” (link)
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Sidney Low, in "Some Memories and Impressions – William Ernest Henley". The Living Age (1897–1941) describing his friend:
"... to me he was the startling image of Pan come to Earth and clothed—the great god Pan...with halting foot and flaming shaggy hair, and arms and shoulders huge and threatening, like those of some Faun or Satyr of the ancient woods, and the brow and eyes of the Olympians." (link)
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Andrzej Diniejko on Henley as "poet as a patient" and his work predating modern forms of poetry "not only in form, as experiments in free verse containing abrasive narrative shifts and internal monologue, but also in subject matter". (link)
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"Invictus"
by William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
This poem is in the public domain.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Some things to discuss might be the title. How does the defiant spirit of this "Unconquered" opening play throughout the lines of the poem? There is also a reference to the Bible Verse Matthew 7:14 in the poem, "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it". Why do you think this included? What lines stand out to you? How do you see him fit into the Victorian literary furniture, if you will? Have you heard this poem before? How does this fit in with the melancholy feel of the Bonus Poem, if you read it? What other poets do you enjoy from this era of literature?
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Bonus Poem: We'll Go No More a-Roving
Bonus Link #1: "Love Blows As the Wind Blows" (1911) song-cycle by George Butterworth, with Henley's poetry put to music and song.
Bonus Link #2: A literary review of the Victorian Era.
Bonus Link #3: Read the other poems included in the collection, In Hospital.
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If you missed last's month poem, you can find it here.

Well, we're 13 races in, and it's time for a break. I thought it'd be fun to do a breakdown of how all of our seasons have gone so far. Unfortunately, fortunately, however you want to look at it, I have found myself in the lead of the league I run. The competition has been tough all year, with the standings changing every race. Still a lot of racing to get to, but let's take a look at what's behind us.
As of now, there's 3 pretty distinct groups in the standings. 1st throught 4th have put a bit of a gap on the rest of the pack, while 5-8th are in a heated battle in the middle, and 9th-12th are all following close behind. Some players have been consistent, some have been hit and miss, and some have seemed to be a bad luck charm to whoever they pick *ahem* u/26007, cough cough. Anyways, here's the breakdown.
u/Dont_hate_the_8: After a little bit of a rocky start, I've found my footing, and have slowly rose from the mid pack to the top. Highlighted by picks of Ty Gibbs at Bristol, and Bubba Wallace at Texas.
u/joeyshoe87: Similarly, after a not great first half of the season, the heat was turned on. A rise to P2 in the standings was highlighted by picks of Kyle Larson at Richmond and Denny Hamlin at Dover.
u/SBMVPJustinHerbert: Perhaps the most consistent player, yet to make a bad pick. This has been rewarded with a 3rd place in standings, with standout picks of Blaney at Phoenix and Chase Elliott at Martinsville.
u/millertimexii: A very strong start that has tailed off a bit, but not much. 4th place in standings thanks to picks like Kyle Larson at Vegas (60 points!) and and Chris Buescher at Bristol.
u/Garak_The_Tailor: 5th place in standings, very hit and miss early on, but has settled into a more consistent rythym. Great 23XI picks with Bubba at Daytona and Reddick at Vegas.
u/ChaseTheFalcon: After joining us for Martinsville, he's been doing solid, with picks like Briscoe at Texas and Larson at Dover.
u/Yay_nascar_donuts: Started out cool, but has turned up the jets the last month or two. Highlighted picks are Bowman at Dover, and Hamlin at Martinsville.
u/pudge2424: Not the best of luck so far for pudge, but it's no fault of his own. He has had good picks like Kyle Larson at Dover and Corey Lajoie at Daytona.
u/Outsidefactor4308: Again, some bad luck towards the bottom of the standings. To quote him "I am amazed at how bad I am at this" despite going on to score 51 points that week with Martin Truex Jr.
u/HighVoltLemonBattery: I am at an awe for how talented he is at picking a top car to crash. Bravo! When his pick does finish the race, they do generally do well, like Ty Gibbs at Cota and Bubba Wallace at Texas.
u/26007: Oh boy. The early season points leader had a Jimmie Johnson style dropoff, but through no fault of his own. When luck is on his side, the picks score well, like Bubba Wallace at Atlanta and a great pick of Zane Smith at Cota.
Note: What I've noticed is that doing well in this is more about maximizing your worst days, then your best. The top 4 in points are the only ones who have yet to have a single digit points day.
Pick of the week: u/Garak_The_Tailor picked WIlly B for 38 points this weekend. Well done!