I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.

OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.

 
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.

OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.

thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything

OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.

detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?

OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.

 
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?

OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.

Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Like that Lana Del Rey's song... Anyway.
I like my girl inside, crazy, brave, badass.
I dont care about what does other thinks, I dont mind about red flags or toxicity, leap of faith yeah, when you go, fully go in, when you dive, fully dive in !
Im neurotypical, do not use any drugs or alcohol, Im looking good and ready for rock&roll.
Im not rational man, Im romantic, when I love I love in extreme, looking for the same, living the life in extremes, I took lots of leap of faiths I do not care about the normal, what will people say, what will people think, I dream and I dream big.
So, lets not think about what will happen tomorrow, you be mine, give yourself to my palms.
Edit : Insane is not neccasarry neurodivergent but a crazy soul.
What will be, will be.
18+only.

Like that Lana Del Rey's song... Anyway.
I like my girl inside, crazy, brave, badass.
I dont care about what does other thinks, I dont mind about red flags or toxicity, leap of faith yeah, when you go, fully go in, when you dive, fully dive in !
Im neurotypical, do not use any drugs or alcohol, Im looking good and ready for rock&roll.
Im not rational man, Im romantic, when I love I love in extreme, looking for the same, living the life in extremes, I took lots of leap of faiths I do not care about the normal, what will people say, what will people think, I dream and I dream big.
So, lets not think about what will happen tomorrow, you be mine, give yourself to my palms.
Edit : Insane is not neccasarry neurodivergent but a crazy soul.
What will be, will be.
18+only.

I feel like I need to just vent and let everything out, so here goes. This is gonna be long and a lot of yapping, I’m a mess while writing this. This doesn’t even contain everything that has happened.
I matched on Tinder with a cute guy in 2014 and we both made clear that we didn’t want anything else than friendship. But in a month, we were falling for each other. Early 2015, he told me he loves me, but he acknowledged my fear of love so I wouldn’t have to say it back. I kinda freaked out and dipped out, but we kept texting every month, especially when drunk, we told each other how much we like each other.
2016 we became official after playing around. It was heaven on earth for me then and I loved the man with my whole heart. I went out of my way for him. He was my first everything.
Few months into our relationship, we were at a festival with another couple who were our friends, and we 4 slept in a campervan. He wanted to have sex, I didn’t and I told him no few times. He ended up rubbing himself between my thighs while I laid there frozen and hurt. I pushed the whole thing away from my mind. Another 6 months in, we were drinking in his hometown with his friends. He got too drunk and ended up grabbing me from my collar and pushing me aggressively against a wall and yelled at me. He ran away and I was alone in his hometown while he didn’t answer. Well I found him and we went to his mother’s house to sleep, where he cried to me that I shouldn’t be with him that he’s a bad man. Another year in, one of his best friends hated me and trash talked me to their friend group and it was literally hell on earth, and he just let it happen, without setting things straight or defending me. And at the same time, we listened to one podcast where a couple had downloaded their tinders back and watched their old matches and convos to laugh at them lightheartedly. Well, we did just that but what I found out was that he had had tinder while we were officially together and talked to other women. He ended up deleting everything before he could show me them and saying it wasn’t him, that his single friends used his phone and pictures for tinder, but I could tell that it was him from the messages I had time to see.
The last 4 years have been sexless, and I have suffered with that a lot. There’s no kisses, no holding hands, no I love you’s, nothing. We have basically been friends for the last 4 years except when he’s drunk and wants to rub his D against me and cum.
Well now, we broke up a month ago, after being 8 years officially together and a decade of us being engaged with one another. Everything we own shared, our car, cats, furniture, EVERYTHING.
I’m just so broken, sad, finished and tired. I love him, but I don’t, I hate him, but I don’t. I have fought for this relationship for years alone, and it ended up breaking me. I have been unmotivated to finish my bachelor degree, I just stay home and don’t want to see anyone and I escape reality with music and stories. I read and use AI to live my hopeless romantic dreams, I dream about a life, but I’m scared I won’t ever get it because I lost myself in this relationship. I lost my mental health and my body. I have gained 30kg since we started dating, he loves ordering in and eating chips and all that shit, I had never even taken food home before I met him.
I’m looooost and I don’t know what to do, how to pull myself together and go live my life while going through this breakup, he and his family were my life and now I’m going to move out to live alone for the first time ever with two cats we got together.

Hey I’m Aaron, 22m. Howdy. I’m having a rough time in my life. I want to live my life and become the best man I can be while surrounding myself with the best people, fulfilling my passions. The problem is I’ve failed over and over. As much effort as I try to make the right choices, they go epically wrong every time. Almost every single relationship (romantic, platonic, family, etc) I’ve had with another human being has disintegrated and I can’t figure out why, and finding new people to love and care about seems impossible because I am burdened by extreme social awkwardness. I constantly feel like I’m at my breaking point and I have almost no sources of comfort or happiness in my life.
BUT. I won’t give up on trying to be happy for myself and trying to become a strong enough person to be able to help others. There are small happy moments day to day that keep me moving forwards.
Anyways enough with this rant about me, I just wanted to see if this might resonate with anyone that might want to share what’s going on in there lives.

This happened a year ago, but my heart is still shattered and I need to get this off my chest.
I (F30) had a best friend (M29) and we grew extremely close. There was no one in the world I trusted more than him. One night after a year of friendship we ended up in a hotel and… you get the picture. Best sex of my life, it was intimate, so safe and passionate at the same time.
We began sleeping together a few times a week. We decided not to date cuz of circumstances (finances, wanting different lifestyles and family plans), but I was definitely falling in love anyway.
Two months later he told me he had fallen in love. He wrote me a love letter and said the most romantic things about how I was everything he’s always dreamed of. I thought I would die of happiness—until he said that despite how he felt, circumstances hadn’t changed. He did not want to be in a relationship or exclusive right now, but he hoped things would be different one day.
We continued acting like a couple. I couldn’t lose my best friend and was in too deep at that point. We had each other’s phone passcodes, I helped him run his business, I love yous every night, he paid for a vacation for us, and lots of passionate sex. There were instances where he flirted and once when he kissed someone else, which caused fights, but I always ended up letting it go cuz I knew we weren’t exclusive.
Then one weekend a year ago he was at my house, we slept together like always and the next day he said I should invite some of our mutual friends over. So I did.
I knew he had hooked up with one friend (B) a couple years before when they were both on molly, and though I felt uncomfortable he told me it was a one time thing cuz of the drugs and he wasn’t into her.
I trusted him fully—he was my best friend first and foremost, after all. But you can guess how this ends…
Long story short, he ends up making out with her and fingering her IN MY BED while I was in another room.
I only found out two months later, when B admitted the truth to me. She said she had wanted to go all the way (cuz she didn’t know me and him had anything—we kept it a secret) but he stopped it in the middle saying, “I can’t do this to (my name).” That’s when she realized something was going on between me and him.
I had suspected something was off, cuz right after this happened he pulled away and began acting cold and like a jerk to me for no apparent reason. He said hurtful things, would ignore me for days… it was so out of character but I had already started grieving by the time she told me.
He came back to make amends a few times, and I’m embarrassed to say I gave him a couple more chances over the next few months. But it never ended well.
I went NC five months ago. But my heart is still shattered, because I was betrayed by my best friend. Who I had trusted and loved more than I’ve ever trusted or loved any man before.
TL;DR: My best friend turned situationship fooled around with our other friend in my bed.

Another installment in the eternal gay crusades of /Christianity, now complete with more Daughters of the Confederacy level discourse about slavery.

Because it is worse than slavery.
Why do people try to force God to agree with them and accept their ideas rather than trying to learn God's will and align themselves to it?

so god has a poor morality

No. You do, if you disagree with him.

common you can also use your critical mind and say something is bad if it is obviously bad

Obvious to whom?
And based on what standard of badness?

mmm... empathy, compassion,
make a person as your property is baaad

Suffering under massive debt? Choose to sell yourself into slavery to pay the debt and remove the burden. While a slave you will have to do whatever work your owner requires, but you are guaranteed room and board and have no financial obligations. When the term of your slavery is over, if you are happy in your current situation, you can choose to make it permanent. If you are unhappy you go free with no debt and a small amount of money to help you establish yourself in your restored liberty.
The problem is that people today only think of slavery as it existed in the transatlantic slave trade, but that was not the only form in history. I think if slavery as set out in the Law of Moses was practiced today we would have much less of a debt based economy.

it doesn't work that way if you're a woman. if you're a woman and are sold by your father, you are enslaved for life.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l42fjhk/
There's also another child thread where someone pointed out that the parent commenter is an insane bigot but the mods nuked their responses for incivility.

Slavery doesn't cause less people to exist. The YouTube apologists have approached the slavery topic a lot recently. I used to wonder the same thing. The matter is God has these people and he wants them to be a certain way but they are stubborn.. think of it like you have a cow that ran away and home is north and this dumb ass cow doesn't want to go north but he will go north west..

Slavery torments the already living...

Not always historically. This is what people are taught in a modern lens. Sometimes in the past people would purposely become slaves in Jacob's case to get a wife. And something interesting in Bible slave laws is that these people could run away.. so if your gig is such a bad deal that you want to leave, you can. Additionally in the case of Israel after a certain number of years they go free.. and some of them loved their masters so much they decided to stay.. which is likely the case with Eliezer.

.... leave it to Christianity to see people speak so positively on the concept of salvery

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l427som/
A digression on Hebrew translation

For one thing, "abomination" is not really a great translation of the word "ṯō·w·‘ă·ḇaṯ" / ṯō·w·‘ê·ḇāh, which is used in a variety of "do not" contexts, not necessarily conveying the sort of disgust and rage that "abomination" suggests.

Let me rephrase the post to your liking: Why does the Bible condone enslaving people but demand two men be killed if they have sex with each other?

Because one is a commandment and one is not.
Doesn’t seem fair to most ears, but when someone is circumcised of ear and heart, they “see” things differently.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l432735/

That's a very good question. Slavery is a horrible thing, it's detestable. The idea of something like that coming from a loving god would be a huge contradiction. It's up to you how you choose to rectify that
Slavery back then is not the same as what we went through recently. Where it’s just whips on plantations.
And you guys cherry picking homosexuality over all other sins is ridiculous. If homosexuality is ok, then why can’t all adultery be ok?

What's wrong with two people of the same sex in a loving, consensual, mutual relationship?

If they’re celibate then nothing…
What’s wrong with Covet and adultey as a whole? Let’s just abolish it. Is that ok?

Well both of those things harm people
If you covet something that doesn't belong to you, that eats a hole in you and might inspire you to do something to get what you covet.
Adultery damages trust between romantic partners and breaks hearts.
Two mutually loving people having sex who have the same genitalia harms no one.

Two same sex couple having sex also eats a hole in them. Spiritually. If you don’t like it then it’s ok, just don’t call yourself a Christian and expect God to favor your desires in the end. The point is to trust God. You’re literally going against him by committing adultey having same sex in the dark… Why not just be celibate? Why do you need to have same sex relations and blame the Bible for not being fair. It makes no sense. If you’re a homosexual who chooses sex over God. Cool. But don’t drag him down because he can’t see you in the dark.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l42ssq8/

Are you saying slavery isn’t detestable or that it coming from a loving god isn’t a contradiction?

a loving God and slavery isn’t a contradiction. You need objective morality in the first place for it to be a contradiction, and you atheists do not.

a loving God and slavery isn’t a contradiction. You need objective morality in the first place for it to be a contradiction, and you atheists do not.

I think you're misunderstanding "objective morality" there are several ethical schools that don't require an authority figure.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l43e65c/

I think saying homosexuality is not harmful is naive. You are free to do it but it does have consequences that preclude you from any semblance of traditional living. Also, if everyone was homosexual there would be no people bc it does not produce children.

The only downsides are from the hate bigots create. Let’s not victim blame now

Haters gotta hate 🤷🏾‍♂️... is Taylor swift a victim too? She has haters after all.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l42tgxf/

I believe it has to do with the nature of their slavery. The standards for slavery were different than today’s- I don’t believe they had prisons; if you owed someone something, you became their slave. It was a temporary status.
The only more permanent slave status I’ve read in the Bible involved pagan people that were being punished.

No, god explicitly permits people to own other people as their property for life. It was not always temporary, and didn't always have anything to do with debt repayment.

Exodus 21: 2-6
“When you buy a Hebrew slave, he is to serve for six years; then in the seventh he is to leave as a free man without paying anything.”

Right. Now read Leviticus 25:44-46 about buying and owning foreign slaves.

Yeah, that’s what I meant about “punishment for pagan nations” Everyone around the Israelites were pagans.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l42hqpl/

According to your own morality, the concepts of slavery and that of a loving God are contradictory. Just about anyone should be able to see that regardless of religious beliefs.

Nope. Slavery and a loving God are compatible, as we don’t decide morality you might as well tell that opinion to a brick wall.
So again, how is slavery and a loving God contradictory?

Because slaves are not the recipient of God’s love. You can’t love someone and also allow them to be enslaved.

Why not? Who are you to decide what love is and what love isn’t?

I’m sorry you feel that way. It’s mind-boggling to me that you think enslavement of humans is OK.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l42ybv5/

Slavery isn’t necessarily the worst thing to happen to anybody ever, we just fetishise it today because America puts so much importance on it. Fact is that in ancient pre-mechanised times if you needed something doing you with did it yourself or got your captured enemies to do it. Slavery has been present in every society in history and has many forms, it’s damn nearly a natural state of humanity. Sometimes slaves were abused, murdered, tortured, raped; sometimes they were given gifts and made part of the family. “The ottomans took Christian children as slaves and made them into elite warriors who eventually got their own kingdom, meanwhile their trans-Saharan slave traders routinely castrated all the males they got from Africa and sent the women into harems, making European slavery relatively benign.

“B-But akshually guys slavery wasn’t that bad and it’s natural!!!”
You go out of your way to defend slavery, but don’t do the same with homosexuality which is objectively less harmful, please stop talking.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l42gaf7/

The Lord doesn't need to call salvery an abomination. There is a correct way to handle slavery through debt. However, that does not mean they are property. The Lord's children, ARE NOT FOR SALE. All debt should be and needs to be released freely every 7 years. Then you bless them as they leave freely, regardless of the amount of debt returned back.
Homosexuality IS A CHOICE. It's a much of a choice to choose who you sleep with, as it is to lust in the first place. He calls it an abomination because it's your choice, and it almost always leads to a chaotic state. Not directly, rather, indirectly. It leads culture into a mindset of "I should be able to anything I want to". Sadly, that's just not how a stable society functions, and you see it's ripple effect today.

Homosexuality is NOT a choice, plain and simple, no buts or ifs. If it was, you could choose to be homosexual for just 5 minutes to prove your point which you obviously can’t, no matter how hard you try you can’t control who or what you’re attracted to. It is also not inherently lustful just as heterosexuality isn’t inherently lustful, couples of any gender or sexuality can have a loving and healthy relationship. It doesn’t lead to any “chaotic state”, as I mentioned before it can be perfectly healthy, what truly leads to a chaotic state is the constant backlash of mindless homophobes who don’t want to accept the fact that their worldview is wrong. Also, multiple societies in the past had no problem with homosexuality and turned out very prosperous. Read a book, bigot.

Lol

What an insightful response.

There is no response you will accept or even listen to. I gave the only one worth giving.

That’s blatant projection right there, you did not accept or listen to my response, so it’s more like you were proven wrong and didn’t know what to reply with.

https://www.reddit.com/Christianity/comments/1cs2bb4/why_does_the_bible_call_homosexuality_an/l42ga4o/

The writers from the Big Bang Theory infantilized Sheldon for not wanting sex and then shoehorned him into a relationship, reinforcing negative stereotypes in the process.
Whenever asexual representation is brought up in media, one of the first names brought up every time is Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. I'm asexual, and I personally hated Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory.
I personally hated Sheldon because of how the Big Bang Theory made Sheldon's lack of interest in sex the comic relief, portraying Sheldon as some Peter Pan who's stuck in Neverland.
So often, aces like me are infantilized and treated pejoratively for being asexual. This is because the world sees having sex and being sexual as a rite of passage to adulthood. This is the origin of the phrase a guy "Became a Man" after a guy loses his virginity.
I've been treated like a little kid because I am still a virgin myself. Am I saying I'm perfectly mature? Not at all. However, I'm not going to say that's because I'm not married, considering many people who have sex are also immature.
The Big Bang Theory then goes on to force Sheldon into a relationship with Amy, through forced capitulation by his friends. The show essentially erased Sheldon's asexuality & aromanticism just to make a storyline.
The Big Bang Theory could have kept Sheldon single and asexual, but they didn't. The show mentioned on multiple occasions that they wanted to put Sheldon in a relationship, because there'd be no plot or intrigue in their eyes if he wasn't.
This video below talks about how Chuck Lorre initially wanted Sheldon to be asexual, but the writers of the show decided to pigeonhole Sheldon into a relationship with Amy. The video also mentions that while it would have been interesting to have Sheldon remain asexual and single, they preferred Sheldon with Amy because their relationship gives Sheldon “a sense of growth”.
This essentially says to aromantic & asexual people that our lives are not interesting or intriguing because we don't care for romance or sex.
That statement above also says that aromantic and asexual people simply are infantine human beings, and that they just need the “right person” to “ripen them”.
It again reinforces the idea that sex and romance are what makes you an adult, and those who do not have sex for whatever reason just haven’t reached full maturity yet.
This stigmatization is amatonormativity in action.
Amatonormativity is a term coined by Dr. Elizabeth Brake at Rice University. Brake defined amatonormativity as:
"The belief that marriage and companionate romantic love have special value leads to overlooking the value of other caring relationships."
I wrote about a Supreme Court case in Sweden a year ago for @WeAreQueerAF detailing a case of two partners in an asexual marriage winning their rights as a married couple.
The couple had lived together for years before one person died., After going to court to prove legitimacy of their relationship, Sweden’s Supreme Court made an important ruling in favour of the surviving partner.
The crucial thing, the court emphasised, is that the relationship should be characterised by a close community in personal terms that occurs between married people.
Sweden's ruling was an important ruling to break down compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity, opening the door for aces to be ourselves and to love in our individual style.
So often, aromantic & asexual people are told that we aren't "complete" without a partner, that we are somehow dysfunctional maladroits for not being in a relationship. This eliminates people (like me) who desire to be without a relationship and enjoy being single.
Amatonormativity and its privileges can also pressure people to enter and remain in exclusive, sexual two-partner relationships – even when such relationships are not what that individual needs.
Sheldon was happy and contented being free of any romantic relationships, and yet the Big Bang Theory chose to shoehorn Sheldon into a relationship just for ratings.
Listening to the video I highlighted in my first post, you actually hear the video creators say that bringing Amy in to the show helped give Sheldon's character arc a "sense of growth". This is again amatonormativity, saying aces are not whole without a mate.
This is why I hated the Big Bang Theory as a show, and why Sheldon is a perfect case as to the need for better asexual representation in television.
Society in general needs better asexual & aromantic representation in television, so it can get past the idea that every pot needs a lid, which reinforces harmful stereotypes that prevent everyone from finding the relationships they wish to have in life.
Source: https://tygersongbird.substack.com/p/sheldon-from-the-big-bang-theory
Edit: Leonard, Howard and Raj are the main characters were interested in girl. Sheldon was far more interested in science and his life work then finding love. it would have been nice to see a character that was more interested in their career than finding love. Which is true, even people who are not an asexual, just sometimes prefer being single. I have no idea why the writers for Sheldon into a relationship. He truly had no interest or want of any kind to find love. If anything Raj should have been the one to get into relationship.

I know there's a woman out there looking for me. I've been waiting for you. Working on myself the past five years, becoming the best me -- in part, for the best we.
I hope you're out there reading this!
I'm male, 44, INFJ-T, Pisces, white, "woke" (lol) and wisdom-seeking. I am naturally curious and spend a lot of time thinking, wandering, exploring, and observing. I think the world is a beautiful wondrous place. I'm looking for someone to share it with. I just spent nearly a month on Maui, hoping to go somewhere warm this fall/winter.
I have no kids and currently no pets, and I'm monogamous. Hoping to find "the one" -- someone ready for a committed relationship where we both show up every day and explore what it means to be together in that moment. I'll be your biggest cheerleader and supporter.
I have two grad school degrees, the highest my PhD (in an Arts discipline). I'm published and accomplished. I teach college English. I'm working on a few written manuscripts and some art projects. I'm never bored, always working at something. I'm an intellectual who doesn't take things too seriously. I contribute to community radio, that's a huge passion of mine. I enjoy spectator sports, and follow baseball pretty closely, but enjoy live sports in general.
I'm from a short family, so I'm 5'6", also slim, with a hipsterish style. I wear glasses, have short hair, clean-shaven, I still get told I'm handsome and get mistaken for ~10 years younger than I am.
I quit drinking just over a year ago (happy to share about that!) I don't care if you partake, though. I'm a non-smoker (quit 10 years ago), but 420 friendly (use pretty much daily).
I'm on a journey of self-discovery (single for a few years now) and working on my path of spirituality first and foremost lately, but I want to explore how that feels with a partner. I've been working especially hard on unlearning bad habit patterns, mostly caused by being raised a man in the patriarchy. I'm working to be a better man in this world.
I have little material wealth (and those things aren't important to me), but I possess lots of freedom, joy, curiosity, resourcefulness... and time!
Naturally, I'm a fan of: deep conversations; exploration; reading in many genres and subjects; urban, rural, and forested places (there is no "middle of nowhere"); social and environmental justice; baseball; many genres of music; galleries, museums, cultural events; Yahtzee; the beach/lake/pool; finding my place in the geo-cosmos (it's never too late, right?)
I'm keeping it light enough to travel at the moment, so I could always visit you!
I'm not easy to pin down (in some ways) and enjoy it (in other ways hint hint). I'm unconventional and loving it (finally).
I'm kind of into the age gap thing, but it's not incredibly important to me, so I welcome hearing from any woman (18+ of course). I'd prefer you be in Canada, but open to anywhere in the world if we can make it work. I'm attracted to women who are sassy, compassionate, caring, patient, curious, optimistic, joyful, a reader, will reignite my love of crosswords, willing to learn new things together, possibly a cook looking for a sous-chef, opinionated, introverted, flirty and romantic, and flexible. Not a tall order, huh?
I have very few dealbreakers, but left-leaning politically and poetically always get me going, and it would be cool if you're unconventional and loving it (or working on it). Haha!
I'd sincerely love to hear from you if you, too, wear your heart on your sleeve, crave affection and attention, and have room in your life for an adorable and loving guy!

I don’t exactly know if this is the place to ask, but I really need advice or clarity and the situation touches on themes related to the sub. I’m not Karma farming I very much need advice on what to do
I’d say I have a strong moral compass.
I’m 21 and for most of my life I was kinda a teachers pet, goodie two shoes, Boy Scout etc.
And even now in all aspects of my life I normally am, I always hold doors, put my cart away, straighten shelf’s when I put something back.
Not that I don’t have a rebel or mean or lazy side but
I’m also rose tinted glasses and I’m told by everyone I’m too nice.
After a year of therapy and self reflection I’ve come to the realization that when I do genuine kind things I do them out of genuine kindness but a layer deeper it’s also cause I wanna be loved and liked.
When I feel I don’t meet up to my standards I feel really guilty or anxious even when things are out of my control
Like the one relationship I’ve had she broke up with me and it was fine no fights, but for months I was stirken with guilt cause her grandma who she lives with is a complete cunt
Like I don’t think I saw the worst of it but grandma was killing my exes self esteem the grandmother liked me better than her granddaughter it was night and day.
I felt guilty cause even though we broke up I knew that I brought her some light into her life. We had dreams of getting her out of that house and for us to have a loving home for eachother and some animals.
I’m over that guilt but I feel hints of it with what’s going on now .
So more exposition, as much as I have worked on myself physically and mentally the one thing I still struggle with is relationships
Both platonic and romantic
I’m single I got a couple of good friends I don’t see often but hoping to change that
But I’m super grateful for the people in my life, maybe to much, I over gift I over thank,
I get attached to folk who are nice to me real easy
And especially with woman and I’m not blaming them
I have a horrible tendency to succumb to limerence and putting them on a pedestal.
I think I might be a love junkie or something which is kinda weird since I’ve only ever dated once. I never even been on a traditional date.
The definite thing though is I’m very very lonely
But now to the current situation
I went onto forever alone dating. Messaged a few people a month ago.
One of these woman is 23 from Italy and we talked on an off then just periods of radio silence
She found someone in Italy while we talked
Which was fine, I was just glad to have the opportunity to speak with someone from Italy, it’s on my bucket list the visit I love the food, culture and history.
But the other day, I messaged just checking in looking for conversation
She said she wasn’t doing well and suggested to read her latest post
In summary, that guy she met they planned to both move to America, but he just abandoned her and now she’s homeless and shunned by her family. plus he was a physically abusive piece of shit I won’t even call him a man he’s a fucking animal she showed me scars and bruises
She’s still in Italy
I genuinely felt bad and was just there to help her vent and process this.
I offered to send her a lil money, to help her get a lil food and water.
And she proved she was real it wasn’t a scam, I sent 30 bucks
She’s very grateful
I do genuinely believe that true acts of kindness inspire others
But now that we are talking even more and we’ve both seen what we look like and sound like.
I can feel my stupid dumbass part of my brain leaking this very dumb thought of
“Maybe there is a chance”
I feel so scummy and I keep trying to fight it off
I know I shouldn’t do anything especially now she just escaped that monster and she’s out in the streets.
She just seems so vulnerable and lost and scared and I wanna help.
But now I’m so confused why I’m doing this should I be doing this.
Am I doing this out of genuine kindness
Or am I falling into nice guy, white knight , simp type shit.
I feel like I’m mostly doing the right thing for the right reason, which is she needs help and someone to talk to.
I really don’t expect anything out of her.
But I can feel my dumbass getting infatuated and I feel calling myself a dumbass is appropriate cause I do this to myself
I just I’m gonna keep helping her within my means nothing drastic.

I’d say I have a strong moral compass.
I’m 21 and for most of my life I was kinda a teachers pet, goodie two shoes, Boy Scout etc.
And even now in all aspects of my life I normally am, I always hold doors, put my cart away, straighten shelf’s when I put something back.
Not that I don’t have a rebel or mean or lazy side but
I’m also rose tinted glasses and I’m told by everyone I’m too nice.
After a year of therapy and self reflection I’ve come to the realization that when I do genuine kind things I do them out of genuine kindness but a layer deeper it’s also cause I wanna be loved and liked.
When I feel I don’t meet up to my standards I feel really guilty or anxious even when things are out of my control
Like the one relationship I’ve had she broke up with me and it was fine no fights, but for months I was stirken with guilt cause her grandma who she lives with is a complete cunt
Like I don’t think I saw the worst of it but grandma was killing my exes self esteem the grandmother liked me better than her granddaughter it was night and day.
I felt guilty cause even though we broke up I knew that I brought her some light into her life. We had dreams of getting her out of that house and for us to have a loving home for eachother and some animals.
I’m over that guilt but I feel hints of it with what’s going on now .
So more exposition, as much as I have worked on myself physically and mentally the one thing I still struggle with is relationships
Both platonic and romantic
I’m single I got a couple of good friends I don’t see often but hoping to change that
But I’m super grateful for the people in my life, maybe to much, I over gift I over thank,
I get attached to folk who are nice to me real easy
And especially with woman and I’m not blaming them
I have a horrible tendency to succumb to limerence and putting them on a pedestal.
I think I might be a love junkie or something which is kinda weird since I’ve only ever dated once. I never even been on a traditional date.
The definite thing though is I’m very very lonely
But now to the current situation
I went onto forever alone dating. Messaged a few people a month ago.
One of these woman is 23 from Italy and we talked on an off then just periods of radio silence
She found someone in Italy while we talked
Which was fine, I was just glad to have the opportunity to speak with someone from Italy, it’s on my bucket list the visit I love the food, culture and history.
But the other day, I messaged just checking in looking for conversation
She said she wasn’t doing well and suggested to read her latest post
In summary, that guy she met they planned to both move to America, but he just abandoned her and now she’s homeless and shunned by her family. plus he was a physically abusive piece of shit I won’t even call him a man he’s a fucking animal she showed me scars and bruises
She’s still in Italy
I genuinely felt bad and was just there to help her vent and process this.
I offered to send her a lil money, to help her get a lil food and water.
And she proved she was real it wasn’t a scam, I sent 30 bucks
She’s very grateful
I do genuinely believe that true acts of kindness inspire others
But now that we are talking even more and we’ve both seen what we look like and sound like.
I can feel my stupid dumbass part of my brain leaking this very dumb thought of
“Maybe there is a chance”
I feel so scummy and I keep trying to fight it off
I know I shouldn’t do anything especially now she just escaped that monster and she’s out in the streets.
She just seems so vulnerable and lost and scared and I wanna help.
But now I’m so confused why I’m doing this should I be doing this.
Am I doing this out of genuine kindness
Or am I falling into nice guy, white knight , simp type shit.
I feel like I’m mostly doing the right thing for the right reason, which is she needs help and someone to talk to.
I really don’t expect anything out of her.
But I can feel my dumbass getting infatuated and I feel calling myself a dumbass is appropriate cause I do this to myself
I just I’m gonna keep helping her within my means nothing drastic.

im hurt at the realization that I’ve never been in a relationship with someone who had my back like I had theirs. im hurt that time and time again I give men the benefit of the doubt and end up being fucked over, strung along. I have enough self respect to know when to leave where im not fully loved. That doesn’t mean it felt good to walk away. It feels even worse to realize that I think my ex just loved how much I loved him, but didn’t actually love me for who I was. Im frustrated with myself for pouring my heart into someone and believing more in their potential than their actions. My ex couldn’t show up for me when it was inconvenient, couldn’t respect me in conflict resolution, didnt want to grow together, couldn’t figure out what he actually wanted and be honest with me about it.
I feel truly hopeless about the prospect of finding anyone who shows up for me like I show up for my romantic partners. I want to believe that I’ll encounter someone loyal and loving and passionate who reciprocates effort and knows what they want, someone who wants to grow together. But this feels impossible. It feels like some people find this but that it’s not in the cards for me.
I feel alone even when im around my loved ones lately. I can’t remember the last time I went a day without crying. It feels like im always going to be navigating life without a partner. The additional horrible layer to this is that im a woman in my late 20s, and it’s getting less and less likely that I’ll find the right partner in time to still be able to have kids. It feels particularly impossible to find a man with a good heart who will treat me well and commit to me, who wants to work through the hard stuff together as a unit. I’m in such a raw emotional state about this. I loved my ex so deeply and it’s haunting me to feel like he just didn’t have it in him to reciprocate that to me. And it took me so long to realize.
I lean into things I love and do positive activities daily, but I come up empty every time. I’m going to therapy and exercising, eating healthy, and all of it feels like im just going through the motions. I truly trust my ex will do great in life, I think he’ll find a beautiful girl sooner than later who he’s actually willing to show up for, and build a beautiful family and take everything I taught him to treat someone else better. These experiences are threatening to harden me but I want to stay soft and loving. I hate this era of my life.

I’d say I have a strong moral compass.
I’m 21 and for most of my life I was kinda a teachers pet, goodie two shoes, Boy Scout etc.
And even now in all aspects of my life I normally am, I always hold doors, put my cart away, straighten shelf’s when I put something back.
Not that I don’t have a rebel or mean or lazy side but
I’m also rose tinted glasses and I’m told by everyone I’m too nice.
After a year of therapy and self reflection I’ve come to the realization that when I do genuine kind things I do them out of genuine kindness but a layer deeper it’s also cause I wanna be loved and liked.
When I feel I don’t meet up to my standards I feel really guilty or anxious even when things are out of my control
Like the one relationship I’ve had she broke up with me and it was fine no fights, but for months I was stirken with guilt cause her grandma who she lives with is a complete cunt
Like I don’t think I saw the worst of it but grandma was killing my exes self esteem the grandmother liked me better than her granddaughter it was night and day.
I felt guilty cause even though we broke up I knew that I brought her some light into her life. We had dreams of getting her out of that house and for us to have a loving home for eachother and some animals.
I’m over that guilt but I feel hints of it with what’s going on now .
So more exposition, as much as I have worked on myself physically and mentally the one thing I still struggle with is relationships
Both platonic and romantic
I’m single I got a couple of good friends I don’t see often but hoping to change that
But I’m super grateful for the people in my life, maybe to much, I over gift I over thank,
I get attached to folk who are nice to me real easy
And especially with woman and I’m not blaming them
I have a horrible tendency to succumb to limerence and putting them on a pedestal.
I think I might be a love junkie or something which is kinda weird since I’ve only ever dated once. I never even been on a traditional date.
The definite thing though is I’m very very lonely
But now to the current situation
I went onto forever alone dating. Messaged a few people a month ago.
One of these woman is 23 from Italy and we talked on an off then just periods of radio silence
She found someone in Italy while we talked
Which was fine, I was just glad to have the opportunity to speak with someone from Italy, it’s on my bucket list the visit I love the food, culture and history.
But the other day, I messaged just checking in looking for conversation
She said she wasn’t doing well and suggested to read her latest post
In summary, that guy she met they planned to both move to America, but he just abandoned her and now she’s homeless and shunned by her family. plus he was a physically abusive piece of shit I won’t even call him a man he’s a fucking animal she showed me scars and bruises
She’s still in Italy
I genuinely felt bad and was just there to help her vent and process this.
I offered to send her a lil money, to help her get a lil food and water.
And she proved she was real it wasn’t a scam, I sent 30 bucks
She’s very grateful
I do genuinely believe that true acts of kindness inspire others
But now that we are talking even more and we’ve both seen what we look like and sound like.
I can feel my stupid dumbass part of my brain leaking this very dumb thought of
“Maybe there is a chance”
I feel so scummy and I keep trying to fight it off
I know I shouldn’t do anything especially now she just escaped that monster and she’s out in the streets.
She just seems so vulnerable and lost and scared and I wanna help.
But now I’m so confused why I’m doing this should I be doing this.
Am I doing this out of genuine kindness
Or am I falling into nice guy, white knight , simp type shit.
I feel like I’m mostly doing the right thing for the right reason, which is she needs help and someone to talk to.
I really don’t expect anything out of her.
But I can feel my dumbass getting infatuated and I feel calling myself a dumbass is appropriate cause I do this to myself
I just I’m gonna keep helping her within my means nothing drastic.

Hey reddit! I'm a 38 year old latin guy from Washington DC. Honesty is the best policy so I'll make it known now that I'm not looking for platonic friends, I'm looking for a romantic partner. Buckle up, because I'm about to unveil why I may or may not be the right partner for you in a classic listicle style that all you youngin's love.
About Me:
^{You'll never believe number 6!}

1. I'm a bit of a stoner. It's true, your boy loves himself some marijuana. (In fact, I just did a 20mg edible) I endeavor to never let it take over my life, but it aids a lot in #2 on this list. I'm also not a stranger to the very occasional mushroom trip.
2. I'm a true creative. Left to my own devices in an empty room, I would constantly create new things. Whether that be drawing, writings, photography, music or stoner ideas. It's my true nature to be a creative and to stifle that part of myself makes me pretty sad. Fortunately, I get to create on a daily basis. which brings me to..
3. I have the kindest heart. I see life through rose colored glasses, some may say. I just believe in the good in people. I think most people are good and those that are bad are redeemable. Whether someone is ultra religious, a different political affiliation, good, bad, ugly, whatever...I believe in getting to know them for myself and making my own decision of them. As a friend I always stick by my friends, no matter what. Friends in my life are friends for life, even if we lose touch. There is a downside to all this...it's that sometimes people take advantage of me. I don't care. When confronted with the choice to be loving or to be cruel or apathetic, I will always choose loving.
4. I make people laugh. Comedy and jokes have always been a part of me. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a middle child and craved attention or the fact that I grew up in a city where I had to be quick on my feet, but I love to make people laugh. This is best done in person but there can be humor over the internet too. :)
5. I don't take myself too seriously. I'm a talented person in my field and it's important for me to let go of my ego. There isn't a single person that I can't learn from and at my best I'm always open to listen to people's opinions of me or my creative work.
6. I see beauty in everyone, including you. If you hadn't guessed by now, I'm a photographer. I'm into portraits and I value my connection with people one-on-one and I think that's what makes me a talented portrait photographer. I often hear people talk about the things they hate about themselves but try to reflect to them their true beauty. The beauty that was always there and that they need to be reconnected to.
7. I'm culturally Latino. My parents are from El Salvador, but I was born and raised in DC. I have the experience of being born into a family of immigrants and understand the duality of living in two different worlds. While Spanish was my first language, it is not what I consider to be my native tongue. While I understand all Spanish, all my Spanish is food related.
8. I've done the self work. It's true. I'm not a man that punches walls, gets drunk and cries, will cheat on you, lie to you or a myriad of other things that toxic people do. I am not without faults, of course, but I have worked my demons out for the most part. I'm very self-aware and open to criticism and change.
9. I'm honest 99.5% of the time. Anyone professing to be honest 100% of the time is a liar. Ask me directly and I'll tell you my last big lie.
10. I know where I want to be in life. I'm close to getting there too. I've been at it for 13 years now and I feel that success is imminent. Will you be a part of it?

So what are you waiting for? Dust off that old keyboard, pound away at a few keys, and get ready to embark on an unforgettable adventure brought to you by (as they said in my day) the world wide web.
P.S - I'm 6'2. I should've started with that.

It's been months hah. Routine entry is not my thing hahaha.
Currently, life just flows as intended. Though it still has hardships on its own.
I decided to have a break talking to my friends because they can't have a day without drama.
And the only one who offers a solution and want to talk about it is me.
I am trying to workout, trying to give myself motivation enough to at least function.
But honestly, i found out that this society made responsibilities are not for me.
I am really inspired by Chris Mccandless. The character and the real life man from "Into the wild".
I really want to give up everything that makes me bounded to this society and go try to live my life on my own.
I have to close the gap between me and the past.
But at the same time, i know that "true happiness is only real when shared."
I don't know what to do.
Anyway, i got into romantic things once again. My past relationship was a whole lot trauma that will probably stay with me for a whole lifetime but i feel like i am ready. I am ready for a new relationship.
Even though i dont have anyone or didn't meet with any girl hahaha.
Was once a man, that cared a lot about love and relationship, lost all my hope and passion to it because of my past relationship.
But it got ignited once again and i dont think it will burn-out this time.
Therefore, i have to better myself. I have to feel love belongs to me, i have to feel i deserve it.
I will focus on my mental and physical endurance and maturity.
I will become my best.
I will treat people with kindness, respect and love.
I will become better. I have to.

So, happy late Mother's Day to all who celebrate it (I don't due to personal reasons (all you need to know is my mom is very abusive and ruined every holiday for me)). So, despite the fact I am making this post for MD, I want to know if any of your characters are parents, whether if their child is still alive or not in their lore. I'll start
Samantha Riden - Human Priest - Samantha is the mother of a 6 year old girl named Annamarie Riden. Annamarie is shy and avoids interaction with strangers. Annamarie wants to be a priestess like her mother. As for the father, the father is a human named Jordan Branson, who is a stay-at-home father while his wife goes out and do "champion-of-azeroth" things.
Tesmara Farwhisper - Night Elf Druid - Tesmara is the mother of one of my characters, Hardle Hawson. Tesmara met Hardle's father, Stonit Hawson, in Gilneas City when the night elves first came to help with their worgen problem. Stonit was infected with the curse and Tesmara used the power of Elune to help him overcome his feral urges (think of it the same way Belyssra helped Genn). What started as a simple "rescue human from worgen curse" quickly turned into a romantic relationship between the two that they kept secret. Until eventually, they both had some wine together, got drunk and created a baby! After Tesmara delivered that child, she noticed that it seemed to have inherited his father's curse (yes I know that's inaccurate (no I will not shut up about me acknowledging the inaccuracy)), so she left early into Hardle's childhood to try to find a reason for this. To this day, she still regrets that choice
Managai Battlesworn - Orc Warrior - After the second war, Managai found a lover and had children with an orc she met in the interment camps, Trarl Battlesworn. After the Third War, they got married, with Managai taking up his surname (her orginial surname is Tuskseeker) and had children, Ahlga, Shada and Irta. Managai was almost never home due to the call of duty of her status as one of the Horde's finest tropes, but she makes it up by spending every second she can with her family. But at the start of the Fourth, an unknown loyalist to Sylvannas hired mercenaries to kill off her family but Irta, who was a infant at the time, managed to survive after Trarl hid her in a hidden location in their farm. The attack was disguised as one being because of the Alliance, while Managai questioned the claim (and looking back, she believes she should have probed further into the claim), nothing was more important in her eyes other than vengeance, but at the same time, she wanted to take care of her remaining child. Unfortunately, she had to give up Irta to the orphanage while she fights in the Fourth War. To this day, she still had not found the courage to re-adopt Irta, feeling like she failed as a mother for choosing revenge over her...
Daerren Young - Worgen Warrior - Daerren has two child: Jason and Emily Young. Jason was 6 years old when the worgen attacked Gilneas City. Emily was brought into the world a few weeks after. Daerren missed the birth of his daughter as he was busy fighting in the Gilneas Liberation War, something he willingly signed up for after his man and beast self was brought to balance. Despite Daerren's job as a representative of Gilneas' strength and having to be a captain of the Gilneas Brigade and the Gilnean Military.
Netherlord Berden - Worgen Warlock- Berden is known for bringing in people with no homes to go to (mostly warlocks) and giving them a father figure to come to when they need one. This act earned him the name of "The Father of Those the Light Abandoned." The first one he adopted was Endox and Kedox Gearhopper (former is a warlock, latter is a shaman), who lost their parents in the Legion War and unforuntely felt alone in goblin society as they do not feel any major greed compared to others. At first, Berden looked down at Endox, but realized the errors of his way. Berden allowed Endox to walk the dark path with him with the condition of leaving it for good after the Legion War (something Endox found a loophole out of by creating a few items that does the fel magic job for her. Berden loves his adopted children equally, even if they're grown. Recently I got an idea where he fell in love with a paladin named Kaiya Thrope and wishes to marry her, but is hesitant due to his status as Netherlord and her status as a paladin of the Sliver Hand
Here are my submissions. Hope you enjoy them!^^

I'm 23 and a gay man. I have been single for all of my life, a fact that hasn't bothered me much at all until recently. I date frequently yet have very little to show for it, and I can't help but feel as if it is so much easier for all of my gay peers to fall in love, get laid, develop relationships (i work in a very queer environment and my entire inner circle is queer as well ... numbers are stacked against me). My singleness and repeated dating failures have become a bit of a running joke among my friends (i will admit, it is comical at this point and I often laugh along). All jokes aside, being single and my continual unsuccessful dating escapades weigh heavily on me and make me ponder whether i am simply unable or not meant to be in a relationship. While I believe to be super secure within myself and certainly don't particularly need intimacy or romantic companionship, these near constant thoughts hinder my quality of life. I'm sure others have dealt with this issue .... how do you reframe your mindset when it comes to this?

Hi, my 31st bday is next month so im planning on hiring an escort but i still have some doubts and fears, especially about being robbed or getting an STD, so i want some advices. Here's a little backstory: i'm a 30 year old virgin, kissless, dateless man, never had a girlfriend, lover, friend with benefits, a fling, one night stand or any kind of intimate relationship with a woman, the only few women i dared to ask out in the past rejected me (2 of them as a teenager and 2 others in my 20's), i stopped asking out women after that, i just lost the illusion i guess, the reasons? they never told me, but i believe it is simply the fact that im ugly faced (hooked "roman" nose, full lips, weak jawline and small chin), so my profile is disgusting, my height is average (1.77cm), white skinned, dark haired and dark eyed. So i dont have self confidence or a healthy self esteem to keep asking women out and i've never had "game", i just don't know how to seduce a woman, never knew, and honestly my "i want a girlfriend so bad" phase is done and buried, seriously, i really DON'T want a girlfriend, i just want sex, that's all, casual sex, without romantic feelings, but as an ugly and kinda introvert man that is like an impossible mission, it won't happen, never happened in my youth and it wont happen now, waiting for an opportunity is not an option anymore, i lost a lot of time and i want to make it up now in my 30's, so im TIRED of waiting, i want my virginity to be taken by a professional hooker, i want to learn everything a man my age should know, at least in the sexual field, so what advices can you give me? has anyone here been with a hooker or hookers before? how was it? how to deal with my fears?

This is a long post so I apologize in advance. I am a 19/yo man and for as long as I can remember I have always been straight. I remember having crushes on girls since elementary school.
When puberty came, I remember getting turned on by the girls in my grade and the grade ahead of me and by girls I saw on instagram and p*rn sites. I would watch straight porn and I would look at twerking vids and kissing pranks lmaoo and I remember getting so turned on. I even remember when my friend caught me searching “boobs” online lmao. I recall having a crush on at least 5+ girls (that’s all I can remember right now). I never asked any of them out because I was very nervous and I was afraid of rejection and humiliation. Although I did tell one of them I liked them but they did not feel the same way. Then quarantine came and I was doing online school for about a year and half so I wasn’t seeing anybody besides my family.
Despite this, I would still get horny and turned on by women I saw on tiktok or instagram or p*rn sites. I came back to in person school in September of 2021 around that same time, I caught feelings for this girl I was talking to on my phone (I had never met her before I had only seen pictures of her). I remember being very infatuated with her. I would look at pictures of her and I would enjoy talking with her on the phone and I wanted to see her in person one day. We decided to online date with the hopes of seeing each other one day. (Btw this was my first ever relationship) While we were “dating” I was only focused on her and I didn’t think of any other girl in my school the same way as I thought of her. That relationship lasted for around 2 months and we broke up. Then we stopped talking shortly thereafter and I’ll admit I was hurt.
A month after we stopped talking, I started hanging out with this one girl at my school (let’s call her V) V and I would talk a lot and I would see her after school. Eventually, V caught feelings for me and told me. I will admit I remember feeling some slight feelings for her but they were not nearly as intense as the feelings I had for previous crushes. I wanted to make my ex online girlfriend jealous by posting videos of V and I. After awhile V wanted to date me but I didn’t think I was ready but I decided to anyway because I didn’t want to hurt her. Keep in mind, I did think V was very attractive I just didn’t have feelings for her like I did with previous girls. V and I ended up dating for a year and 3 months. V was my first everything she was my first kiss and I lost my virginity to her. Despite me thinking V was very attractive I just didn’t feel any emotional or romantic attraction to her. Which led me to believe something was wrong with me.
To be completely honest, I haven’t had a libido or a crush since 2022. I was (and still am) able to get erections and engage in intercourse and I will admit it felt amazing and I wanted to keep doing it but I was confused as to why I wasn’t feeling horny like I did in the years prior. After V and I broke up, I became very isolated due to me taking a gap year after graduation. Lately, I have become worried about not feeling horny and not catching feelings for any girls like I have in the past. I feel like the isolation might be a factor to this. I have thought “maybe I am aromantic or asexual” but this doesn’t sound right since I have had crushes on girls in the past and I have been turned on by girls in the past.
I thought coming to this subreddit would help me figure out what’s going on. I have a theory that maybe since I am getting older I may not get crushes as easily because I am maturing as a person and I might want to get to know a girl before I catch feelings for her instead of instantly catching feelings. Again, sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading.

So I’m genderfluid afab, but I spend most of my time on the man/masc end of the spectrum. I am asexual, but mostly attracted to women/fem people in a romantic fashion. I’m terrified that if I identify as straight or anything like that I won’t belong in the lgbt+ community. I know that I’ll still be the T part no matter what, but I’m afraid that I’ll be ostracized for it and lose this community.
Has anybody gone through something similar? Or does anybody have advice on how to handle this?
Any sort of advice or anything would be appreciated thank you!

From my Fetlife. Prepare for cringefest. Tell me your thoughts about my cringe.
Hello, everyone. I'd like to introduce myself to you.
Ever since I turned 20, I've been dreaming of becoming another woman's housewife (or, as I like to say, a "wifey"), but I've never exactly known how to make it become a reality. I've always been an extremely submissive person and life hasn't treated me very well both for being like that and for trying not to be like that. I score extremely highly in agreeableness and I take great pleasure in serving those I care for. Specifically and preferably, a woman I love and who also loves me. Today, I'm looking for a romantic, ordinary and 100% monogamous relationship with a woman, but one that includes the element of dominance and submission and the possibility of me being her full-time housewife. While she works, I take care of the house. When she comes home, I take care of her. Always very lovingly and completely given to her body and soul as well as to the household's domestic duties. In practice, I want to be the woman in the relationship. I want to go far beyond the basics such as cooking and cleaning: I want to be responsible for doing her nails, her make-up and giving her massages whenever she wants them. I want to learn to cook everything she likes to eat. Maybe even learn gardening to take care of her plants. Perhaps the origin of this is an innate need of mine to be necessary and useful to someone and I guess that is how it is.
Inevitably, I believe this relationship would also include elements of platonic worship. The reason for this is that I have always harboured an adoration for the female figure, the female energy, the female essence and the female appearance. None of this is sexual. In fact, I feel that this element of platonic worship is so strong that I would even feel uncomfortable seeing my dominating partner naked because it would make me feel the same dirty lust for her that I'd feel for porn actresses when I'd watch their movies and I feel that this would be disrespectful to her and to what her image represents to me. This adoration for the female figure is also one of the reasons for my gender transition, which began in September of 2023. I admire the feminine image so much that I want to make it a part of me. I don't like being a man, looking like a man, being treated like a man, behaving like a man and, God fobid, dealing with masculine gender roles. I have an enormous need to feminize my gender expression because that's what makes me happy.
For reasons that are far beyond my control and that may sound cheesy, I always end up seeing women whom I find beautiful to be superior to me. Not in a bad way, but simply in a kind of hierarchy where I'm below them. So, for some reason, I feel fulfilled imagining myself serving them in a completely devoted way. In a way, I can sum myself up as a human Golden Retriever in terms of loyalty, perhaps to pathological levels. Such a level of unexplored and repressed loyalty that I can easily imagine myself getting so deeply involved with the right woman and creating an emotional bond so indestructible that I would go as far as burying a body with her without giving it a second thought. It's as if there were a hurricane inside me waiting for the ideal conditions to form and destroy everything in its path to reach its goal. My goal is domestic servitude within a romantic relationship and this storm inside me will only grow larger and larger over time. I don't see much value in ordinary work as in working for a company. I only see meaning and purpose in domestic work in a relationship for and with a woman I love with great obedience, dedication, submission and gratitude. I don't see myself as a leader, but as someone to be led.
I come from a place where I suffered a lot of verbal abuse directed at my appearance for being too thin and I see that the world today is full of evil people with an evil intent who get off at doing evil things and also of people who omit themselves when they observe evil being done and end up becoming accomplices by omission. All of this makes me really want to put myself in a kind of safe space with someone trustworthy where I don't have to be constantly watching over my shoulder in order to check whether there already are vultures circling me from above waiting for the ideal moment to pounce. I look like an easy victim for predators and I've always attracted them without any difficulty, unfortunately. I am soft and highly sought by them. I want to be able, if only for a few hours, to let my guard down completely knowing that I'm not in danger and that I'm with someone well-intending who, at worst, doesn't wish me harm and, at best, actively cares about my well-being. In other words, a relationship like any other. I very much want and like the idea of giving myself body and soul to a woman who has consideration for me, for whom I have value and who is in charge of the relationship (FLR). As I said, I want to put myself in a situation of total vulnerability in a controlled and safe environment with a person I can trust and who means well. I want to put myself below them in every situation and always put them before myself unconditionally. I want to live under domestic servitude, as well as having a romantic, ordinary, monogamous relationship like any other. If there's no love, there's no point. I can't explain exactly what I feel, but I see this dynamic as the most honest way I can express love to my owner, mistress and friend. This is the rawest and most sincere manifestation of my personality. And please don't get me wrong: I'm not here trying to "cure" myself through BDSM or draw attention to myself by talking about my problems that nobody cares about. I'm just putting all this into context and explaining objective reality as it is, that's all.
I have no idea how I'm going to fulfill this dream and where I'm going to find this woman. I see a lot of profiles here of dommes who are only in it for fetishistic reasons and to make money and that makes me a little sad. But I understand, since a relationship can end up being a very big responsibility and many women don't want this kind of burden in their lives. Not to mention that the temptation of financial gain must be too great for them not to take advantage of. And in an economy like this, I think it will be considerably difficult to find a woman who will want to keep someone at home without generating income just taking care of the household chores. The odds don't seem to be in my favor and the entire setting seems less than ideal.
I feel disgusted by and abhor any fetish scenario that involves the element of being a housewife, maid and the like, especially if it includes elements of humiliation for carrying out such activity. I understand that for some it can be pleasurable, but for me it's despicable. I can't associate being a housewife with something humiliating and if that's your intention with me, don't get in touch. As for sexual activity in general in a relationship, I don't have much to say. Hormone replacement therapy completely obliterated my libido and I see no purpose in any activity that promotes my sexual pleasure. To all intents and purposes, I've become somewhat asexual. I'd accept being penetrated by my domme if she wanted to, since I'd put her wishes before my own, but I feel it's hardly something I'd ask for. I'm much more interested in the emotional side of the relationship than the sexual.
Still on the subject of sexuality, I feel that the word "virgin" isn't accurate enough to describe myself. This word is used to refer to people who have never had sex, which is my case, but I've also never had any other intimate experience with a woman. It's not that I've never had sex, I've never even hugged a woman in bed. I've barely experienced any degree of intimacy with a woman before. I suppose this complete lack of sexual experience will be viewed in a very bad light by the women I seek, but I don't think there's much I can do about it. I have no interest in having these first experiences with, for example, a prostitute because I'm looking for a real emotional connection in a legitimate relationship. I'm a romantic and I have no choice but to wait.
I can't imagine a life in which I allow this dream not to come true. It can't not happen. If it doesn't, I'll have an extremely bitter deathbed full of regrets.
When it comes to the woman I'm looking for, I only have three demands: don't be a drug user (cigarretes included), be a gentle domme and unconditionally monogamous.
My gratitude for you will be eternal and my debt to you unpayable.
I hope the woman I'm looking for is out there waiting to be found.

Hi guys! I don’t really know how these subreddits work, as I mostly use Reddit for more technical advice.
I guess I have to introduce myself. I am an ethnical Russian born in Ukraine and raised in Germany. When I first moved here at the age of seven I got heavily bullied, which definitely left a mark, and for the rest of my time at my (private) school, I was mainly considered a weirdo (which to be honest I was). However, in the last 2 years or so I got to know some people outside of school and formed a friend group that knew me as I am right now and weren’t affected by my negative reputation at school. At the same time I slowly overhauled my style, started grooming my hair, which emphasised my relatively fit body (I have been working out since the age of 13).
Now, nearly a year ago I finished school and due to the fact that I didn’t go to a state school and because my grades weren’t the best, I had to take a course away from home in order to be able to apply to uni. That course mainly consists of Ukrainian girls (about 60-70%). Unfortunately I didn’t find a lot in common with the guys in the course, yet I did get along very well with the girls, as they mostly speak Russian or Ukrainian (which I don’t speak, yet I do understand).
After about two months of being in that course I realised that I am deeply in love with one girl. It may sound cringe, but it’s not one of those middle school crushes, where you are sexually attracted to most pretty girl in the class. In fact, I do not care about sex anymore and I have come to terms with the fact that I am a virgin (boy and I thought the previous sentence sounded cringey). Me and that girl get along very well, we have a common sense of humour and I believe we like each other as friends. However, I know I cannot take that friendship anywhere further because she has a boyfriend. I don’t know the guy personally, but I know that he’s 26, German, is doing his masters degree and funnily enough drives the same car as me. The girl doesn’t talk about him all the time, but as far as I understand they seem to love each other and even though they see each other only on weekends, they seem to have a healthy relationship.
And so, I am deeply in love with a girl who is in a relationship with a man who is older than me, has a better education than me and isn’t an immigrant (even though I do think of myself as a German). Now, I’ll state this directly, even though I don’t know the guy, I respect his and the girl’s relationship and as much as I want to be together with the girl, it’s just not right to break up their relationship.
So, now I just have to erase those thoughts in order to find someone else, or at least live in peace alone. But the mind doesn’t just work like that! After all, I cannot just stop talking to her.
What do I do? How do I get rid of romantic thought about her? Please help me, because it is literally killing me. Combined with other problems in my life I cannot sleep, I eat critically little and sometimes I can’t even focus on the road while driving.