Ammonia taste in mouth from cold medication | | I thank the Lord for givin' everybody else so much and me so little

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ ### 👽👽👽 Welcome to Furystorm's boutique ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 👽👽👽

Click here to see links for previous stores with a lot of positive feedback from happy customers ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

New players - use this code (STAR-MRG5-2TBJ) on registration to get additional 5000 UEC for free!
(Just click this link)

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Currencies accepted: PayPal: [$] [€], Skrill (+10%): [€], Crypto(+5%): BTC, BCH, ETH, can take others

To make an order 📨 PM me via Reddit or via Discord (Furystorm#4218)

!!! Please use standard messages, not chat (notifications aren't working properly sometimes) !!!
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►1◄ REFERRAL SERVICE
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20 $ per each

Info about rewards can be found here - https://robertsspaceindustries.com/referral-program
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►2◄ SPECIAL OFFERS
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╰( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )つ──☆
Upgrades

Item	Price, $
Banu Tholo code	80
Banu Lockbox (Banu Cube) code	100
Mole to Merchantman	199
Starfarer Gemini to Merchantman	189
C2 Hercules to Carrack	139
Valkyrie to Carrack	169
Constellation Aquila to Orion	219
Starfarer Gemini to Hull D Upgrade	109
Constellation Andromeda to Hull C Upgrade	139
Anvil Terrapin to Hull C Upgrade	179
F7C-R Hornet Tracker to Constellation Taurus	39
Corsair to 400i Warbond Edition	12
Hull E to Polaris	50
Ship Upgrades - Drake Kraken Conversion Kit	799
PAINTS - PERSEUS - THUNDERCLOUD PAINT	31

Stuff

Item	Price, $
CitizenCon 2951 Digital Goodies	9
Gemini LH86 Pistol - Voyager edition	6
Kruger P-72 Emerald	105
RSI VENTURE PATHFINDER ARM ARMOR	10
RSI VENTURE VOYAGER ARM ARMOR	10

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►4◄ GAME AND SHIP COMBO PACKAGES
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Package	Insurance	SC+SQ42	Price, $	Comments
PACKAGE - 2943 WEEKEND WARRIOR - LTI	LTI	SC + SQ42	299	F7C-M Super Hornet LTI pack
Package - Syulen Starter Pack	LTI	SC	115	Syulen LTI pack
Package - Aurora LN	3MI	SC + SQ42	59	Aurora LN (best aurora) Starter package
Mustang Alpha Starter	3MI	SC	55	-
Anniversary 2017 Mustang Discount Starter	5YI	No	54	-
Nox 2 pack	LTI	No	121	Nox + Nox Kue
Aopoa Nox 5 Pack	LTI	No	242	4 Nox + 1 Nox Kue
Race Team Pack	LTI	No	168	X1 + NOX + Dragonfly Black
Origin X1 THREE-PACK	LTI	No	174	X1 Baseline + Velocity + Force
Entrepreneur pack	LTI	Yes	683	Prospector + Vulture + Vulcan + Hull B + Ursa Rover
The Tortoise and the Hurricane	LTI	No	415	Anvil Hurricane + Anvil Terrapin
Starfarer + Nox 2 pack	LTI	No	431	Starfarer + Nox + Nox Kue
Origin 600i Series Combo Pack	LTI	No	977	600i Luxury + Exploration + Origin X1
Scoundrel Pack	LTI	Yes	788	7 Items, see picture
Aegis Wrecking Crew Pack	LTI	No	1155	Reclaimer + Vulcan + Eclipse + Avenger Warlock/Titan
Exotic Mega Pack	LTI	No	1260	Banu MM + Genesis Starliner + Khartu-al + other small ships
UEE Exploration 2948 Pack	LTI	Yes	850	Carrack, Terrapin, Freelancer DUR, Cyclone RN

Game package can be upgrade as well on your demand, price negotiated
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►5◄ LTI STANDALONE SHIPS
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CCU-d ships are upgraded from another ship. Also I have ships from original sale - they may come with different bonuses but are more expensive.

You can click on the price of original sale item to see it's contents.

Ship manufacturer	Ship model	Insurance	Price (CCU-d), $	Price (Original sale), $
Aopoa (Xi'an)	Khartu-Al	LTI	179	-
-	Nox	LTI	-	77
-	Nox Kue	LTI	-	77
-	San'Tok.Yai	LTI	231	-
Aegis Dynamics	Avenger Titan	LTI	74	100
-	Avenger Titan Renegade	LTI	95	111
-	Avenger Stalker	LTI	84	-
-	Avenger Warlock	LTI	100	-
-	Eclipse	LTI	305	333
-	Gladius	LTI	116	-
-	Gladius Valiant	LTI	132	147
-	Hammerhead	LTI	672	777
-	Hammerhead Best in Show Edition	LTI	746	-
-	Nautilus	LTI	672	-
-	Reclaimer	LTI	336	550
-	Reclaimer Best in Show Edition	LTI	429	-
-	Redeemer	LTI	333	-
-	Retaliator Bomber	LTI	284	-
-	Sabre	LTI	184	221
-	Sabre Comet	LTI	195	-
-	Vanguard Warden	LTI	263	357
-	Vanguard Harbinger	LTI	289	-
-	Vanguard Sentinel	LTI	268	-
-	Vanguard Hoplite	LTI	231	268
-	Vulcan	LTI	216	242
ARGO Astronautics	MPUV Cargo	LTI	74	84
-	MPUV Personnel	LTI	-	89
	Raft	LTI	142	-
-	SRV	LTI	165	-
-	Mole	LTI	321	-
-	Combo Pack	LTI	-	111
Anvil Aerospace	Arrow	LTI	95	137
-	C8X Pisces Expedition	LTI	69	79
-	C8R Pisces	LTI	84	-
-	Carrack	LTI	420	-
-	Carrack W/C8X	LTI	440	-
-	Carrack Expedition	LTI	447	-
-	Carrack Expedition W/C8X	LTI	468	-
-	Crucible	LTI	369	431
-	F7C Hornet	LTI	121	-
-	F7C Hornet Wildfire	LTI	189	210
-	F7C-S Hornet Ghost	LTI	140	-
-	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	LTI	155	-
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	LTI	199	252
-	F7C-M Hornet Heartseeker	LTI	200	-
-	Gladiator	LTI	177	221
-	Hawk	LTI	116	132
-	Hurricane	LTI	210	231
-	Terrapin	LTI	231	263
-	Valkyrie	LTI	357	-
-	Legionnaire	LTI	132	-
Banu	Merchantman	LTI	399	-
-	Defender	LTI	226	237
Consolidated outland	Mustang Beta	LTI	95	-
-	Mustang Gamma	LTI	74	-
-	Mustang Delta	LTI	84	-
-	Pioneer	LTI	-	1499
Crusader Industries	Ares Inferno	LTI	252	-
-	Ares Ion	LTI	252	-
-	Genesis Starliner	LTI	357	578
-	C2 Hercules	LTI	368	-
-	M2 Hercules	LTI	483	-
-	A2 Hercules	LTI	735	-
	C1 Spirit	LTI	137	-
	E1 Spirit	LTI	163	-
	A1 Spirit	LTI	210	-
-	Mercury Star Runner	LTI	273	-
Drake Interplanetary	Dragonfly Yellowjacket	LTI	-	84
-	Dragonfly Black	LTI	-	84
-	Dragonfly Ride Together Two-Pack	LTI	-	126
-	Buccaneer	LTI	126	142
-	Caterpillar	LTI	336	-
-	Caterpillar Best in Show Edition	LTI	347	-
-	Corsair	LTI	263	-
-	Cutlass Black	LTI	126	-
-	Cutlass Black Best in Show Edition (2949)	LTI	137	-
-	Cutlass Steel	LTI	221	-
-	Cutlass Red	LTI	142	-
-	Cutlass Blue	LTI	168	-
-	Herald	LTI	111	-
-	Vulture	LTI	158	-
Esperia	Vanduul Blade	LTI	284	326
-	Vanduul Glaive	LTI	373	-
-	Prowler	LTI	399	510
-	Talon	LTI	132	-
-	Talon Shrike	LTI	132	-
Gatac	Railen	LTI	242	-
Greycat Industrial	ROC	LTI	77	-
Kruger Intergalactic	P-72 Archimedes	LTI	-	90
-	P-72 Archimedes Emerald	LTI	-	105
Mirai	Fury	LTI	69	-
-	Fury MX	LTI	69	-
-	Fury LX	LTI	69	-
MISC	Endeavor BASE	LTI	378	-
-	Endeavor DISCOVERY-CLASS	LTI	-	683
-	Endeavor Master Set 2018	LTI	-	1399
	Expanse	LTI	168	-
-	Freelancer	LTI	121	-
-	Freelancer DUR	LTI	147	-
-	Freelancer MAX	LTI	163	-
-	Freelancer MIS	LTI	184	-
-	HULL A	LTI	99	-
-	HULL B	LTI	147	-
-	HULL C	LTI	357	-
-	HULL D	LTI	462	-
-	Odyssey	LTI	578	-
-	Razor	LTI	163	179
-	Razor LX	LTI	168	-
-	Razor EX	LTI	174	-
-	Prospector	LTI	163	179
-	Reliant Kore (Mini Hauler)	LTI	84	105
-	Reliant Tana (Skirmisher)	LTI	95	-
-	Reliant Mako (News Van)	LTI	121	-
-	Reliant Sen (Researcher)	LTI	105	-
-	Starfarer	LTI	315	399
-	Starfarer Gemini	LTI	347	452
Origin Jumpworks	X1 Baseline	LTI	-	69
-	X1 Velocity	LTI	-	74
-	X1 Force	LTI	-	79
-	M50	LTI	121	-
-	85X	LTI	-	79
-	100I	LTI	74	95
-	125A	LTI	79	-
-	135C	LTI	84	-
-	300I	LTI	77	-
-	315P	LTI	77	-
-	325A	LTI	93	-
-	350R	LTI	137	-
-	400i	LTI	265	-
-	600i Touring	LTI	399	525
-	600i Exploration	LTI	420	580
RSI	Aurora CL	LTI	74	-
-	Apollo Triage	LTI	268	-
-	Apollo Medivac	LTI	294	-
-	Galaxy	LTI	378	-
-	Mantis	LTI	168	-
-	Perseus	LTI	557	-
-	Polaris	LTI	735	999
-	Constellation Taurus	LTI	179	-
-	Constellation Andromeda	LTI	252	315
-	Constellation Aquila	LTI	321	-
	Zeus MK II MR	LTI	205	-
	Zeus MK II ES	LTI	163	-
	Zeus MK II CL	LTI	163	-
-	Scorpius	LTI	263	-
-	Scorpius Antares	LTI	252	-
-	Orion	LTI	489	-

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►6◄ NON-LTI SHIPS & PACKAGES, COMMON
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Ship/Package	Insurance	Price, $	Comments
Consolidated Outland Mustang Alpha Vindicator	6MI	66	Limited Vindicator version
Kruger P-72 Archimedes	10YI	55	-
Kruger P-72 Archimedes	6YI	45	-
Kruger P-52 Merlin	6YI	37	-
RSI Aurora ES	10YI	37	-
Argo MPUV 1C Cargo	10YI	53	-
MISC Endeavor OLYMPIC-CLASS	4YI	578	Endeavor with modules
RSI Constellation Phoenix	10YI	399	-
RSI Constellation Phoenix	6YI	389	-
Origin 890 Jump	6MI	1099	-
Origin 890 Jump	6YI	1249	-
Origin 890 Jump	10YI	1349	-

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►7◄ PLANETARY VEHICLES & COMBO PACKAGES
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Vehicle	Insurance	Price (CCU-d), $	Price (Concept), $	Comments
Anvil Ballista	LTI	153		-
Hoverquad	LTI		74	-
Greycat PTV	6YI		27	-
Greycat PTV	10YI		37	-
Origin G12	LTI	84		-
Origin G12R	LTI		84	-
Origin G12A	LTI		90	-
Tumbril Cyclone	LTI		74	Base version
Tumbril Cyclone-TR	LTI		79	With ground turret
Tumbril Cyclone-RC	LTI		79	Speedster
Tumbril Cyclone-AA	LTI		95	Anti-air + countermeasures
Tumbril Cyclone-RN	LTI		79	Scout & Scan
Tumbril Ranger RC	LTI	105		Racer
Tumbril Ranger CV	LTI	111		Offroad
Tumbril Ranger TR	LTI	116		With Gun
Tumbril Nova	LTI	126	132	Tank
URSA Rover	5YI		63	-
URSA Rover	10YI		70
Lynx	LTI	79
URSA Rover Fortuna	LTI	79		Limited green skin edition

Below are listed combo packs with different combination of vehicles, or with space ships

Combo packs	Insurance	Price (Concept), $	Comments
Offroad Vehicle Pack	LTI	137	Cyclone TR + URSA + Greycat PTV
Tumbril Cyclone Pack	LTI	305	All Cyclones
All-Terrain Vehicle Mega Pack	LTI	473	All Cyclones + Ursa + Lynx + Greycat
Air and Space Pack LTI	LTI	315	Terrapin + Cyclone AA
Ground Vehicle Pack VIP	LTI	378	Gragonfly + Nox + X1 + Ursa + Cyclone + Nova + bonus
Deluxe Ground Vehicle Pack VIP	LTI	840	A lot of items, check screenshot

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►8.1◄ MODULES, PODS, BATTLEFIELD UPGRADE KITS (BUKS), OTHER ITEMS
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Module	Insurance	Price, $
MISC Endeavor Modules (Pods)	-	-
BIODOME POD	10YI	126
TELESCOPE ARRAY POD	10YI	153
SUPERCOLLIDER POD	10YI	155
SERVICE EQUIPMENT AND CREW POD	10YI	53
GENERAL RESEARCH POD	10YI	72
GENERAL SCIENCE POD	10YI	71
FUEL POD	10YI	60
MEDICAL BAY POD	10YI	105
LANDING BAY	10YI	105
RSI Galaxy Modules
Galaxy - Med Bay Module	10YI	116
Galaxy - Refinery Module	10YI	126
Galaxy - Cargo Module	10YI	95
Aegis Vanguard battlefield upgrade kits
Harbinger battlefield upgrade kit	LTI	140
Sentinel battlefield upgrade kit	6MI	69
Other stuff
Add-ons - Aegis Idris P after market kit	-	294

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►8.2 ◄ FPS WEAPONS, ARMOR, CLOTHES AND OTHER GEAR
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Module	Insurance	Price, $
Overlord "Dust Storm" Armor Set	-	11
Overlord "Riptide" Armor Set	-	11
Overlord Helmets "Silent Strike" Pack	-	8
Overlord Helmets "Forces of Nature" Pack	-	8
Parasite Replica Helmet (Original)	-	11
Parasite Replica Helmet (Dark Birth)	-	11
Stegman's Cordimon "Voyager" Complete Outfit	-	11
Stegman's IndVest “Pathfinder” Complete Outfit	-	11
RSI MacFlex Rust Society full armor set (5 items)	-	21
RSI Venture Rust Society full armor set (5 items)	-	32
Mr. Refinement’s Cabinet of Rare & Exquisite Spirits	-	11
Life in the 'Verse Shirts Pack #1	-	5
Life in the 'Verse Shirts Pack #2	-	5
"Caudillo" Helmets Pack #1 by CC's Conversions	-	10
"Caudillo" Helmets Pack #2 by CC's Conversions	-	10
"Caudillo" Helmets Pack #3 by CC's Conversions	-	10
QuikFlarePro Pack	-	5
QuikFlarePro Pack Deluxe	-	6
Polar Vortex Collection	-	7
Cold Front Collection	-	7
UltiFlex FSK-8 "Mirage" Combat Knife	-	5
UltiFlex FSK-8 "Ghost" Combat Knife	-	5
Urban Collection by Element Authority	-	11
Adventurer Collection by Element Authority	-	11
Manaslu Rust Society Jacket	-	8
RSI Horizon Rust Society Helmet	-	8
RSI Beacon Rust Society Undersuit	-	6
Paladin helmet	-	10

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►9◄ CROSS-CHASSIS UPGRADES (CCUS), SHIPS
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IAE-insurance upgrades (adds IAE insurance (10 years) to your ship)

Upgrade	Price, $
Prospector to F7C-M Super Hornet	50
Vanguard Warden to Caterpillar	60

Sorted by: Manufacturer -> ship

Target ship manufacturer	Target ship	Upgrade from	Price, $
Aegis Dynamics	Avenger Titan Renegade	325A	18
-	Avenger Warlock	325A	29
-	Avenger Warlock	Arrow	26
-	Eclipse	Constellation Andromeda	78
-	Eclipse	Vanguard Sentinel	37
-	Eclipse	Vanguard Warden	53
-	Eclipse	Blade	37
-	Gladius Valiant	Gladius	32
-	Gladius Valiant	M50	23
-	Hammerhead	Constellation Aquila	483
-	Hammerhead	600i Touring	357
-	Hammerhead	600i Explorer	315
-	Hammerhead	Merchantman	131
-	Hammerhead	Hull D	341
-	Hammerhead	Crucible	446
-	Hammerhead	Carrack	278
-	Hammerhead	Reclaimer	383
-	Hammerhead	Prowler	351
-	Hammerhead	Orion	210
-	Hammerhead	Glaive	446
-	Hammerhead	A2 Hercules	52
-	Nautilus	Constellation Aquila	467
-	Nautilus	Endeavor	425
-	Nautilus	Crucible	425
-	Nautilus	Genesis Starliner	372
-	Nautilus	M2 Hercules	246
-	Nautilus	Merchantman	110
-	Nautilus	600i Explorer	294
-	Nautilus	600i Touring	336
-	Nautilus	Orion	189
-	Nautilus	Prowler	330
-	Nautilus	Carrack	278
-	Nautilus	Reclaimer	372
-	Nautilus	Hull D	320
-	Nautilus	C2 Hercules	372
-	Nautilus	Valkyrie	399
-	Reclaimer	Constellation Aquila	115
-	Reclaimer	Starfarer Gemini	84
-	Reclaimer	Endeavor	73
-	Reclaimer	Crucible	73
-	Redeemer	Constellation Andromeda	78
-	Redeemer	Vanguard Hoplite	84
-	Redeemer	Mole	26
-	Retaliator Bomber	Constellation Andromeda	57
-	Retaliator Base	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	25
-	Sabre	Prospector	31
-	Sabre	Gladiator	16
-	Sabre Comet	Sabre	31
-	Sabre Comet	Freelancer MIS	26
-	Sabre Comet	Khartu-Al	31
-	Sabre Comet	F7C Hornet Wildfire	23
-	Sabre Comet	Gladiator	35
-	Sabre Comet	F7C-M Super Hornet	20
-	Vanguard Harbinger	Constellation Andromeda	68
-	Vanguard Harbinger	Retaliator Bomber	31
-	Vanguard Harbinger	Vanguard Sentinel	26
-	Vanguard Harbinger	Vanguard Hoplite	73
-	Vanguard Harbinger	Vanguard Warden	42
-	Vanguard Hoplite	Constellation Taurus	59
-	Vanguard Hoplite	San'Tok.Yai	28
-	Vanguard Hoplite	Defender	28
-	Vanguard Hoplite	Corsair	-3
-	Vanguard Hoplite	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	54
-	Vanguard Hoplite	Hurricane	54
-	Vanguard Hoplite	Terrapin	28
-	Vanguard Sentinel	Constellation Andromeda	52
-	Vanguard Sentinel	Vanguard Warden	31
-	Vanguard Warden	Constellation Andromeda	31
-	Vanguard Warden	Vanguard Hoplite	40
-	Vulcan	Constellation Taurus	25
-	Vulcan	Prospector	61
Anvil Aerospace	Carrack	Constellation Aquila	273
-	Carrack	Mole	320
-	Carrack	M2 Hercules	99
-	Carrack	600i Explorer	147
-	Carrack	600i Touring	189
-	Carrack	Orion	42
-	Carrack	Prowler	183
-	Carrack	Reclaimer	225
-	Carrack	Genesis Starliner	225
-	Carrack	Valkyrie	215
-	Carrack	C2 Hercules	189
-	Carrack	Hull D	178
-	Carrack	Merchantman	-31
-	Carrack	Endeavor	283
-	Carrack	Crucible	283
-	Carrack	Starfarer Gemini	294
-	Carrack W/C8X	Carrack	55
-	Carrack Expedition	Carrack	60
-	Carrack Expedition	Carrack W/C8X	40
-	Carrack Expedition W/C8X	Carrack	80
-	Carrack Expedition W/C8X	Carrack W/C8X	73
-	Carrack Expedition W/C8X	Carrack Expedition	68
-	Crucible	Starfarer Gemini	26
-	Crucible	Constellation Aquila	99
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	Prospector	37
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	Khartu-AL	22
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	F7C Hornet Wildfire	16
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	Gladiator	27
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	Freelancer MIS	16
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	Sabre	22
-	F7C-M Super Hornet	Razor EX	37
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Constellation Taurus	21
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Freelancer MAX	63
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Prospector	57
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Razor EX	57
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Gladiator	47
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Khartu-AL	42
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Sabre	42
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Sabre Comet	26
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	F7C Hornet Wildfire	36
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Freelancer MIS	36
-	F7C Hornet Wildfire	Prospector	31
-	F7C Hornet Wildfire	Khartu-Al	16
-	F7C Hornet Wildfire	Gladiator	22
-	F7C Hornet Wildfire	Sabre	16
-	Gladiator	Prospector	21
-	Hawk	Gladius	21
-	Hurricane	Constellation Taurus	22
-	Hurricane	Prospector	53
-	Hurricane	Gladiator	43
-	Hurricane	F7C Hornet Wildfire	32
-	Hurricane	F7C-M Super Hornet	27
-	Hurricane	Freelancer MIS	32
-	Hurricane	Sabre	37
-	Hurricane	Sabre Comet	22
-	Hurricane	Khartu-Al	37
-	Terrapin	Prospector	84
-	Terrapin	Constellation Taurus	44
-	Terrapin	Freelancer MAX	86
-	Terrapin	F7C-M Super Hornet	57
-	Terrapin	Freelancer MIS	63
-	Terrapin	Vulcan	36
-	Terrapin	Gladiator	73
-	Terrapin	Khartu-Al	65
-	Terrapin	Sabre	65
-	Valkyrie	Constellation Aquila	84
-	Valkyrie	Endeavor	42
-	Valkyrie	Starfarer Gemini	52
-	Valkyrie	Crucible	42
-	Valkyrie	Glaive	42
Aopoa (Xi'an)	Khartu-Al	Prospector	29
-	Khartu-Al	Freelancer MAX	31
-	Nox	Aurora LN	27
-	Nox	Dragonfly Black	15
-	Nox	Dragonfly Yellowjacket	15
-	Nox	MPUV Cargo	27
-	Nox Kue	Aurora LN	23
-	Nox Kue	Dragonfly Black	15
-	Nox Kue	Dragonfly Yellowjacket	15
-	Nox Kue	Mustang Beta	15
-	Nox Kue	MPUV Personnel	15
-	Nox Kue	X1 Baseline	15
-	Nox Kue	MPUV Cargo	22
-	San'Tok.Yai	Constellation Taurus	46
-	San'Tok.Yai	Hurricane	40
-	San'Tok.Yai	Vulcan	35
ARGO Astronautics	MPUV Personnel	Aurora LN	15
-	MPUV Cargo	Mustang Alpha	15
-	SRV	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	37
-	SRV	Razor	32
Banu	Merchantman	Mole	239
-	Merchantman	Starfarer Gemini	220
-	Merchantman	Prowler	231
-	Merchantman	600i Touring	236
-	Merchantman	600i Explorer	194
-	Merchantman	Genesis Starliner	273
-	Defender	Constellation Taurus	42
-	Defender	Retaliator Base	84
-	Defender	Cutlass Blue	57
-	Defender	Freelancer MIS	65
-	Defender	Gladiator	70
-	Defender	Khartu-Al	65
-	Defender	Sabre	65
-	Defender	F7C Hornet Wildfire	59
-	Defender	F7C-M Super Hornet	55
Consolidated outland	Mustang Delta	Mustang Gamma	22
-	Mustang Delta	Avenger Stalker	15
Crusader Industries	Genesis Starliner	Constellation Aquila	120
-	Genesis Starliner	Endeavor	73
-	Ares Inferno	Constellation Andromeda	26
-	Ares Ion	Constellation Andromeda	26
-	A2 Hercules	600i Touring	341
-	A2 Hercules	600i Explorer	299
-	A2 Hercules	Carrack	273
-	A2 Hercules	Constellation Aquila	472
-	A2 Hercules	Crucible	430
-	A2 Hercules	Endeavor	430
-	A2 Hercules	Hull D	325
-	A2 Hercules	Merchantman	115
-	A2 Hercules	Orion	194
-	A2 Hercules	Prowler	336
-	A2 Hercules	Reclaimer	378
-	A2 Hercules	Starfarer Gemini	451
-	C2 Hercules	Constellation Aquila	115
-	C2 Hercules	Valkyrie	47
-	C2 Hercules	Crucible	73
-	C2 Hercules	Endeavor	73
-	C2 Hercules	Glaive	73
-	C2 Hercules	Starfarer Gemini	84
-	M2 Hercules	Constellation Aquila	241
-	M2 Hercules	600i Touring	110
-	M2 Hercules	600i Explorer	68
-	M2 Hercules	C2 Hercules	147
-	M2 Hercules	Crucible	199
-	M2 Hercules	Endeavor	199
-	M2 Hercules	Genesis Starliner	147
-	M2 Hercules	Hull D	94
-	M2 Hercules	Prowler	105
-	M2 Hercules	Reclaimer	147
-	M2 Hercules	Starfarer Gemini	210
-	Mercury Star Runner	Prospector	120
-	Mercury Star Runner	San'tok.yai	52
-	Mercury Star Runner	Defender	52
-	Mercury Star Runner	F7C Hornet Wildfire	99
-	Mercury Star Runner	F7C-M Super Hornet	94
-	Mercury Star Runner	Freelancer MIS	99
-	Mercury Star Runner	Hurricane	78
-	Mercury Star Runner	Khartu-Al	105
-	Mercury Star Runner	Razor EX	120
-	Mercury Star Runner	Sabre Comet	89
-	Mercury Star Runner	Sabre	105
-	Mercury Star Runner	Terrapin	52
-	Mercury Star Runner	Vulcan	73
Drake Interplanetary	Buccaneer	Cutlass Black	21
-	Caterpillar	Constellation Andromeda	116
-	Caterpillar	Constellation Aquila	36
-	Caterpillar	Retaliator Bomber	78
-	Caterpillar	Redeemer	26
-	Corsair	Prospector	115
-	Corsair	Constellation Taurus	78
-	Corsair	Freelancer MAX	120
-	Corsair	Freelancer MIS	94
-	Corsair	Sabre	99
-	Corsair	Sabre Comet	84
-	Corsair	Gladiator	105
-	Corsair	F7C-M Super Hornet	89
-	Corsair	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	73
-	Corsair	F7C Hornet Wildfire	94
-	Corsair	Vulcan	68
-	Corsair	Hurricane	73
-	Corsair	Razor EX	115
-	Corsair	Khartu-Al	99
-	Cutlass Black BIS	Gladius	42
-	Cutlass Blue	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	47
-	Cutlass Blue	Razor	36
-	Cutlass Blue	Prospector	31
-	Cutlass Steel	Constellation Taurus	57
-	Cutlass Steel	Railen	21
-	Cutlass Steel	San'tok.yai	26
-	Cutlass Steel	Defender	26
-	Cutlass Steel	Terrapin	26
-	Cutlass Steel	Corsair	-5
-	Cutlass Steel	Vulcan	47
-	Cutlass Steel	Hurricane	52
-	Cutlass Steel	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	52
-	Dragonfly Black	Aurora LN	15
-	Dragonfly Black	MPUV Cargo	15
-	Herald	325A	26
-	Herald	Avenger Titan Renegade	21
-	Vulture	Freelancer DUR	45
Esperia	Blade	Constellation Andromeda	52
-	Glaive	Constellation Aquila	99
-	Glaive	Starfarer Gemini	63
-	Talon	Gladius	36
-	Talon	Reliant Mako (News Van)	31
-	Talon Shrike	Gladius	36
-	Talon Shrike	Reliant Mako (News Van)	31
-	Prowler	Constellation Aquila	162
-	Prowler	Reclaimer	68
-	Prowler	Genesis Starliner	68
-	Prowler	Endeavor	120
-	Prowler	Crucible	120
-	Prowler	600i Touring	42
MISC	Freelancer MIS	Prospector	32
-	Freelancer MIS	Freelancer MAX	37
-	Freelancer MIS	Gladiator	22
-	Freelancer MIS	Sabre	16
-	Freelancer MIS	Razor EX	32
-	Endeavor	Constellation Aquila	84
-	Endeavor	Starfarer Gemini	52
-	Hull A	300I	36
-	Hull A	Mustang Gamma	36
-	Hull B	325A	94
-	Hull C	Constellation Andromeda	136
-	Hull D	Constellation Aquila	178
-	Hull D	Starfarer Gemini	157
-	Razor	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	15
-	Razor LX	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	21
-	Razor LX	Razor	15
-	Razor EX	Freelancer MAX	15
-	Razor EX	SRV	15
-	Razor EX	Retaliator Base	15
-	Razor EX	Razor LX	15
-	Reliant Tana (Skirmisher)	325a	15
-	Reliant Sen (Researcher)	Arrow	21
-	Reliant Mako (News Van)	Gladius	15
-	Starfarer	Constellation Andromeda	76
-	Starfarer	Vanguard Warden	55
-	Starfarer	Vanguard Harbinger	24
-	Starfarer	Vanguard Sentinel	39
-	Starfarer	Vanguard Hoplite	81
-	Starfarer	Blade	39
-	Starfarer	Retaliator Bomber	39
-	Starfarer	Apollo Medivac	39
-	Starfarer Gemini	Constellation Aquila	63
-	Starfarer Gemini	Mole	47
Origin Jumpworks	350r	Freelancer	28
-	350r	F7C Hornet	28
-	M50	Gladius	22
-	85X	Aurora CL	15
-	100i	Dragonfly Black	18
-	100i	Dragonfly Yellowjacket	18
-	100i	MPUV Personnel	22
-	100i	Mustang Beta	22
-	100i	X1 Baseline	22
-	125a	100i	22
-	125a	85X	19
-	125a	Avenger Titan	14
-	125a	Ursa Rover	19
-	125a	X1 Force	19
-	135C	100i	27
-	135C	125a	15
-	135C	300i	19
-	135C	Cyclone	19
-	135C	Mustang Gamma	19
-	X1 Baseline	Mustang Alpha	21
-	X1 Baseline	Aurora LN	15
-	X1 Baseline	MPUV Cargo	15
-	X1 Velocity	Mustang Beta	15
-	X1 Velocity	MPUV Personnel	15
-	X1 Velocity	X1 Baseline	15
-	X1 Force	Aurora CL	15
-	X1 Force	X1 Velocity	15
-	X1 Force	Nox	15
-	600i Touring	Constellation Aquila	152
-	600i Touring	Constellation Phoenix	110
-	600i Touring	Reclaimer	57
-	600i Touring	Starfarer Gemini	120
-	600i Touring	Endeavor	110
-	600i Touring	Crucible	110
-	600i Touring	Eclipse	162
-	600i Touring	Genesis Starliner	57
-	600i Touring	C2 Hercules	57
-	600i Explorer	600i Touring	63
-	600i Explorer	Constellation Aquila	194
-	600i Explorer	Prowler	57
-	600i Explorer	Genesis Starliner	99
-	600i Explorer	Starfarer Gemini	162
-	600i Explorer	Endeavor	152
-	600i Explorer	Reclaimer	99
-	600i Explorer	Crucible	152
-	600i Explorer	Hull D	47
-	600i Explorer	C2 Hercules	99
RSI	Apollo Triage	Constellation Andromeda	23
-	Apollo Triage	San'tok.yai	44
-	Apollo Medivac	Constellation Andromeda	49
-	Apollo Medivac	Vanguard Warden	26
-	Apollo Medivac	Apollo Triage	36
-	Apollo Medivac	Vanguard Hoplite	52
-	Constellation Taurus	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	47
-	Constellation Taurus	Razor	42
-	Mantis	F7C-R Hornet Tracker	21
-	Mantis	Vulture	21
-	Mantis	Razor	15
-	Mantis	Ballista	21
-	Perseus	Mole	409
-	Perseus	Carrack	110
-	Perseus	Carrack W/C8X	89
-	Perseus	Carrack Expedition	84
-	Perseus	Carrack Expedition W/C8X	63
-	Perseus	Merchantman	57
-	Perseus	Orion	136
-	Perseus	600i Explorer	241
-	Perseus	M2 Hercules	194
-	Perseus	Hull D	267
-	Polaris	Constellation Aquila	535
-	Polaris	Perseus	183
-	Polaris	M2 Hercules	357
-	Polaris	Nautilus Solstice Edition	149
-	Polaris	Hammerhead	149
-	Polaris	Carrack	367
-	Polaris	Crucible	499
-	Polaris	Merchantman	210
-	Polaris	Orion	257
-	Orion	Constellation Aquila	246
-	Orion	Starfarer	246
-	Orion	600i Touring	194
-	Orion	Reclaimer	215
-	Orion	Genesis Starliner	215
-	Orion	Prowler	173
-	Orion	M2 Hercules	85

╔════════════════════════════════════════╗
►10◄ CROSS-CHASSIS UPGRADES (CCUS), DOWNGRADE
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CCUs from more to less expensive ships

Target ship manufacturer	Target ship	Upgrade from	Price, $
Aegis Dynamics	Eclipse	Redeemer	64
-	Eclipse	Caterpillar	17
-	Vanguard Harbinger	Constellation Aquila	17
-	Vanguard Hoplite	Constellation Andromeda	30
-	Reclaimer	Hull D	94
-	Reclaimer	Merchantman	78
-	Vulcan	Defender	26
-	Vulcan	Terrapin	15
-	Sabre	Constellation Taurus	32
-	Sabre	Freelancer MIS	16
-	Sabre Comet	Constellation Taurus	52
-	Retaliator Bomber	Redeemer	36
-	Vanguard Harbinger	Redeemer	57
-	Vanguard Sentinel	Redeemer	42
-	Vanguard Warden	Redeemer	26
-	Vanguard Warden	Hull C	26
Anvil Aerospace	F7C-M Super Hornet	Constellation Taurus	47
-	F7C Hornet Wildfire	Constellation Taurus	37
-	Gladiator	Constellation Taurus	26
-	F7C-M Super Hornet Heartseeker	Defender	21
-	Hurricane	Defender	21
-	Gladiator	Constellation Taurus	26
-	Gladiator	Cutlass Blue	28
-	Valkyrie	Hull D	42
-	Valkyrie	Merchantman	47
-	Valkyrie	C2 Hercules	31
Aopoa (Xi'an)	Khartu-Al	Constellation Taurus	31
Consolidated outland	Mustang Delta	Hull A	15
Crusader Industries	Genesis Starliner	Hull D	73
-	Genesis Starliner	Merchantman	73
-	C2 Hercules	Hull D	31
-	C2 Hercules	Merchantman	42
-	M2 Hercules	Orion	52
Drake Interplanetary	Corsair	Defender	42
Esperia	Prowler	Merchantman	120
-	Prowler	Hull D	105
MISC	Freelancer MIS	Constellation Taurus	37
-	Freelancer MIS	Cutlass Blue	37
-	Razor	Freelancer MAX	15
-	Razor EX	Constellation Taurus	15
-	Razor EX	Cutlass Blue	15
-	Starfarer	Constellation Aquila	37
-	Starfarer	Caterpillar	18
Origin Jumpworks	350r	Cutlass Red	15
-	600i Touring	Hull D	110
-	600i Touring	Prowler	110
-	600i Explorer	Merchantman	152
-	600i Explorer	Carrack	99
RSI	Apollo Triage	Mercury Star Runner	42
-	Orion	Carrack	120

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Click here to continue to 2nd part of the store
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New players - use this code (STAR-MRG5-2TBJ) on registration to get additional 5000 UEC for free! (just click this link)

I've been a huge garden fan since 2018 . I really thought they were cool, different with their sounds, and an evelutionary take on punk. I've seen them 3 times and I end up meeting them after every show. The first 2 times I waited for them to catch a meet and greet. This 3rd time however was at Kilby Block Party.
They were playing early in the day and I was running late. I was throwing on some jester make up earlier and didnt realize how early they were starting. I got a ride. Getting dropped off, I ran into the street without looking and got hit by a car like a dumbass. I didn't get run over, launched, or hurt. She came up to the side of me and her door mirror hit at maybe 5-10 miles an hr, she was slowing down to the cross walk. Her car door skimmed me in a weird way that made me spin a bit. (Poor woman driving.) I just waved screamed "SORRY!" at her and ran toward the stage they were playing at. I puked my pregame beer a bit at the front because of the nasty make up I was breathing in.
Jesus was I lucky though, I got hit by a car and still made it to the stage in time because they were a few minutes late to play.
Everyone was having a good time. People complimented my horrible jester Halloween makeup that was getting smeared in the mosh pit under a hot sun.
When it was all done, I met with my lady later and went for a food truck. While waiting in line, I see Wyatt walking out down a public path with a couple of his crew. I ran straight to him. I was so excited to meet him a third time. Though this time, i couldnt recognize if he was wyatt or fletcher.
I said something like, "Hey! what a treat! This is the third time I'm meeting you! I must confess I can't recognize if you're wyatt or... or.." (shit my mind is blank)
"You were right the first time." he said, His face looking slightly annoyed.
"I don't know know if you remember," I said "but I met you first in Santa Cruz and last time here in SLC at the loading dock!"
Now he looked more annoyed, "I remember you."
I didnt know where to go from here now. "Well, i dont want to take up your time but could I get a picture real quick?"
"Sure" he said. We take a quick selfie then he walked immediately. I called out, "Have a safe tour!" And he didn't say another word.
I didn't feel he was this way the first 2 times i met him. Maybe he's tired from playing, tired of fans, getting too big. This was the first time he gave me a look that felt like I was below him, like he was too good, too far up the chain. It left a sour taste in my mouth I can't spit out. I could have been severly hurt or killed earlier and after seeing his eyes, I felt the impression he wouldnt care if he did know a garden fan died on the way to a show especially if it was me, a fan he remembers. I want to like Wyatt. I don't have a reason to think badly of fletcher, he's one of my favorite drummers, but I guess this is one of those examples of not meeting your heros.
At least ones from Orange County.

I had waited years for this surgery so when I was finally able to get the surgery I was happy but also a little nervous.
Definitely did not realize how much pain and discomfort I would endure from the procedure. I also ended up back in the ER twice, once for pain and the next time for dehydration and being unable to open my mouth. This surgery and recovery isn’t a joke. I am on day 11 of recovery and I still am unable to eat anything more than mashed potatoes and ice cream, I still have pain and it’s not going away. Sometimes it feels like I have tonsillitis or strep throat all over again, I know that once I can be recovered I won’t regret having this surgery’s
My recommendation is get the surgery 100% but make sure you’re prepared with a variety of soft foods and cold foods; and also ensure you are maintaining enough fluid intake so you don’t end up dehydrated. Most importantly don’t be so hard on yourself as it takes time to fully recover.

Hey y’all! Just got home from Welcome to Rockville 2024… what a crazy, wild, fun, and HOT weekend! I’m gonna just list out some tips for the festival for anyone that plans on going in the future and some tips for concerts/festivals in general!
everyone is different and this is based on my personal experiences at concerts and festivals. Some tips may be super obvious, but if you’re a first timer, it’s good to have a reminder! There is no guarantee all these tips will apply to you/be allowed at every/future festivals. Make sure to check festival/concert venue rules and regulations before you go

Keep an eye on the weather! The weather was hotter than I expected a couple days, and cooler other days. Make sure to pack some back up outfits and FL in May… expect anywhere from 70°-95°… with humidity the first day, it felt like over 100°. They also delayed doors one of the days because of possible thunderstorms. Download the WTR app to get alerts right away!
Lockers are lifesavers! Who wants to carry extra weight all day?! I splurged on a 4 day locker and am so happy I did. Great meet up spot when you’re with friends and get separated, can throw a towel and extra clothes and sunscreen in it and grab what you need when you need it. Wanna go in a pit or crowd surf? Toss everything in your locker. Don’t want to be bringing things in and out of the festival? Leave it in the locker overnight!
To avoid heat exhaustion and passing out, stay hydrated!! I did not drink any alcohol until sunset each day and drank lots of water during peak heat of the day. They ended up allowing hydro packs because it was so hot. I would bring one along just in case they say you can bring them in. I do not condone drugs but if you insist on taking them, be aware that Rockville had a police dog at gates and please be safe and don’t test your limits at a festival
More on bags and hydro packs… www.lunchboxpacks.com has clear bags with hydro packs. If they don’t allow the hydro pack, you can remove it. These bags have anti-theft zippers and pockets, and with all the reports of lost phones and other items being literally stolen out of pockets and bags, this bag really helped keep everything secure. For me, this bag passed through security with no issue. Side note, DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK if they haven’t announced letting hydro packs in, you can hid the bag and tube in your clothes, it’s all plastic and won’t set off an alarm.
List of helpful items to bring:

• Sunscreen (for my makeup lovers, I used a 50 SPF CC cream on my face so I could have some coverage and not get burnt or have a greasy face)
• Sanitizer
• Lip balm with SPF
• Wet wipes
• Tissues (literally will be breathing in dirt/sand and will get congested… blow occasionally)
• Sunglasses
• Bandaids (I had so many blisters from wearing Docs lol)
• Ear plugs
• Power bank/charging cables (lunchbox packs has a great power bank)
• Towel/light blanket (use to sit on the ground if you don’t wanna stand in the crowd or seating in tents is full)
• Extra shirt/bottoms (best to keep in locker. Some stages had a dude with a firehose spraying the crowd and I got drenched. Also one night it got cold and I was able to put a tee on over my bikini and I almost had a bodysuit malfunction another day so having shorts to put on helped)

Dress “code”: wear whatever you want (ladies, nips have to be covered!). I saw people covered head to toe, in comfy clothes, costumes, and people wearing pasties and thongs. Anything goes! They are strict on spikes… do NOT wear anything with spikes. They allowed small chain necklaces, but no thick chains… however, day 1, walking to the entrance of the security line I had thick chain necklaces on and the security guard at the entrance told me to hide them in my bag… I got them through that way and then put them on. It seems like once you get through security, they don’t care unless some issue arises from something you’re wearing/brought in.
Crowd safety! Careful in the pits! Remember the number one rule… if someone falls… PICK THEM UP. We are a family so let’s help each other stay safe. If you see someone acting up, tell security. If someone is stealing, tell security. If someone is about to/is passing out, get a medic. If you are near a pit and not in it, keep an eye on it so you don’t get knocked over. If someone comes at you, don’t freak out and shy away, just push them back in. If the pit is behind you, my best defense (I am a pretty small female so be careful with this one if you’re bigger) has been shoving my elbows back behind me to keep people from knocking me forward. Make sure you look back occasionally/pay attention to people around you because there will be an insane amount of crowd surfing… someone even went up in a wheelchair during Slipknot and ADTR told people to crowd surf on top of a crowd surfer… it got crazy and dangerous so STAY ALERT
Finding your way around… you will have slim to no reception. Keep an eye on landmarks… stages, sound booths, entrances, rides, lights, tents, food trucks, etc. this will help you navigate and set up meeting spots for when you’re with friends. Keep screenshots of the set times and circle what bands you are going to. Set your lock screen to a screenshot of a note with info if your phone is lost or stolen (number of friend/family to call if someone picks up your phone or police catch a thief, your name, etc.) and change home screen to a map of festival.
Food and drinks: look at all the food options before you pay… some booths give you a kiddie portion for $20+ and some give you more than a full size meal for $15. Try to eat proteins AND carbs since you will be walking a LOT. Protein is going to help with your muscles, while something with carbs will fill you up more so you don’t have to eat as much/often! The drinks are also pricey. The Heavy Tiki booth was definitely the best deal, frozen cocktails in a huge cup with a shot of dark rum on top… $22! Small mixed drinks were about $18.

Well if I think of anything else, I’ll add it to the comments or edit post! Rock on y’all!

I am a 21 year old male and I have no pre-exisiting medical issues besides being a hypochodriac. A few days ago I bumped my jaw on the side of my desk when raising my head after picking up something from the ground. I really didnt hit it hard but i immediately felt like my brain rattled in my skull almost.. I didnt lose consciousness and I didnt lose coherency while talking (I immediately tested this out when it happened).. I got a headache a few hours later and then just put it out of my mind. But now Im concerned after realizing maybe it was actually a problem. I may not be feeling any nausea or balance issues but Im definitely feeling off and Im not sure if its because of how anxious i feel about me suspecting it to be a brain bleed or something. Im really focused on my body and wondering if that is causing my symptoms. One of my symptoms is Im messing up words in sentences more often now which increases the more I focus on what im saying. The most concerning one is whenever i lay down especially on the back of my head I will get a headache that goes away after I get up. Its not terrible but I do notice it. When i looked it up of course it mentioned this was a symptom of a brain bleed and is called ICP. I should mention I got COVID or some other kind of cold just today and now its difficult to tell what symptoms I am experiencing and how real they may be. In fact Im not sure if the headache i mentioned can happen with COVID but I had experienced it the day of my bump and the day after so Im not sure. The headache itself also just comes and goes and i can lay down fine without any type of headache since then often. I also sleep on a bed that could affect my spine but it just seems so coincidental for that kind of headache to start happening after my little bump. I do drink but its not very often i had like a couple drinks the night of my bump. Should I just go see a doctor? My moms really against the idea because of the money it might cost and the fact that i have freaked out about my health and thought i was dying several times in the past. But this time it feels a lot more real and im concerned. Am i manifesting my own symptoms?

"A family is left in mourning as twenty-one-year-old Natalie Rose was found dead over the weekend," the TV blared into the room, "seemingly attacked by some sort of wild animal as she sat in her tent on what was meant to be a relaxing camping trip alone. Natalie's parents have requested privacy at this time, but they appreciate the condolences they have received. In other news-" Roman grabbed the remote from me and shut off the TV.
"Hey, I was watching that!" I said as I flipped him off from across the room. "Bullshit, you're on your phone," he chuckled, fixing his hair up in the mirror. "Okay, well, I was listening. I like to have background noise, dickhead," I replied, watching him in the reflection, his focus clearly not on this important conversation.
"Where are you going all dressed up?" I interrogated him. "Morgan and I are having our engagement party, but we've got to be there early to sort out seating."
"You're having your engagement party and you didn't invite your own brother?" I questioned him, offended at the audacity this man had. "I did invite you, dipshit. You told me you had a date with Katie tonight."
The realisation hit me like a punch to the gut. I'd completely forgotten about my movie date with Katie. With a surge of panic, I leaped from my seat, heart pounding, and scrambled to get dressed. Every second felt like an eternity as I cursed my forgetfulness. Then, I heard Roman's car start outside. Without a second thought, I sprinted out the door and down the driveway. Knocking on his window, I pleaded for a ride.
The soft hum of the road and the whirring of the engine filled the car as we silently moved through the night. Staring out the window at the blur of trees, I thought about how I would apologise to Katie. Roman reached for the radio, and a Trace Adkins song began playing. Seeing this as the perfect time to start a conversation, I spoke up, "So, are Katie and I coming to the wedding?" I asked, grinning. Roman let out a deep sigh as he turned off the music. "If Katie doesn't plan a date night on the same day, then yes," he replied.
Silence filled the car as we drove along the empty road. The vast woods surrounding us created an eerie atmosphere, intensified by the winter darkness cloaking the night sky above. Yet, for Roman and me, who had grown up in this land, these woods evoked nostalgic memories of our childhood adventures. While for others, it might be an unsettling glimpse into the barrier separating civilization from the unknown, for us, it was a comforting window back into our past.
When Roman bought the land we had grown up on after our parents passed, I was probably more excited than I should've been, considering I had just lost my mum and dad in a tragic carbon monoxide leak. But my relief at not having to leave this place was immense.
We eventually reached an area where the city lights were visible in the distance. I noticed Roman yawn as he adjusted his grip on the wheel. "You're gonna have to tell me where to go, I can't remember where Katie lives," he stated as he changed gears and prepared to enter the busy traffic, a stark contrast to the remote rural road we were about to vacate.
“Just take a left up h-" I began, but was interrupted as a white blur ran in front of the car, causing Roman to slam on the brakes and swerve. I grabbed onto the side of the door as we spun out of control, the screeching of the tires filling my ears, jolting me out of the relaxed state I had been in due to the many miles of quiet driving.
We eventually came to a stop, now facing the opposite direction, gazing down the endless stretch of desolate road we had just traversed. Roman calmly checked all his mirrors for whatever he nearly hit but failed to see anything through the dust he had stirred up in the spinout.
“You all good?” he asked, a relieved smile creeping up his face, a deep breath escaping his lungs.
“Yeah, what was that?” I asked as Roman started reversing, then turned the car back towards the busy city street about a kilometre away and began driving. I looked over to him, expecting an answer to my question, but didn't receive one. His brow was furrowed in an uncertain expression, clearly lost in thought, like he was trying to remember if he locked the front door.
“Roman?” I said, causing him to blink a couple of times.
“I don't know what it was," Roman answered, not breaking his intense stare at the asphalt in front of us as we drove along, approaching the main road. “Probably just a sheep, there's a few acres of farmland behind these trees,” he continued.
As we approached the intersection, Roman flicked his left indicator on before turning onto the main road. “Okay, now take the next right,” I said, feeling the weird atmosphere in the vehicle slowly dissipating. After a few more turns, Roman said that he knew the way from here and turned the radio back on, which cut the remaining tension that I could tell we were both feeling.
The chilly winter night was starting to bite at my skin, and I cursed myself for forgetting a jacket in my hurry. I swivelled my head around to see the backseat. “What are you looking for?” Roman asked, finally looking in my direction as he turned the music down slightly.
“Uh, do you have a jacket I can borrow? I didn't realise it was gonna be this cold,” I sheepishly admitted.
“Hold the wheel,” Roman told me as he reached around behind him, shifting around his hiking gear that he hadn't taken out since his camping trip with Morgan last month.
Eventually, he pulled out his gym hoodie and threw it on my lap. “This is all I got,” he grunted as he readjusted himself in his seat and took hold of the steering wheel again. When we pulled into Katie's driveway, I pulled the hoodie over my head and hopped out of the car into the brisk night air, my breath visible in the cold. “I'll pick you up around 11:30.” Roman shouted out the window as I pulled the hoodie the rest of the way down and waved to Roman as he drove away, beeping his horn as he left me in the chilling winter breeze.
I knocked on the door, checking the time to see that it was 7:37, only a few minutes late. As I waited in the dark, a surprisingly chipper Katie opened the door, hugging me and dragging me inside. “You didn't miss much,” she whispered as we stumbled through the house that had all of its lights off. “Why do you smell like your brother?” she asked, shooting me a dirty look before grabbing a handful of the hoodie and sniffing it. All I could do was shrug and grin, “I forgot how cold it gets in the winter time, he let me borrow it.” She rolled her eyes, and we sat down next to a bunch of her friends and her parents, who all whispered their hellos in the soft glow of the TV.
Around 11:18 pm when the movie was long since finished, Katie's parents said goodnight and headed off to bed, and a few of Katie's friends who had been visiting said goodbye and drove home. I got up to get some water from the kitchen, and as I walked back, I stood in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the living room, which was dark, only lit by the TV. This allowed me to see Katie frozen, staring towards the window, which was out of my direct line of sight.
Confused, I peeked my head out of the doorway and looked toward the window. I froze and dropped my glass; luckily, it landed on the carpet and didn't make much noise, and the tall, pale creature standing an inch from the window didn't notice. The creature was foul, a gaunt, lanky humanoid. Well, at least the head was humanoid; the body and limbs were almost ape-like, with long, disproportionate arms and less exaggerated legs. The creature's whole body was covered in grey skin stretched tightly over its abnormally long bones. It had no hair anywhere. Its mouth was strangely wide, stretching around to where its ears would be if it had them, and its eyes were just sunken, inky black pits in its head. But I could tell it was staring daggers at Katie, who had tears rolling down her face. She slowly turned her head to look at me, shaking and breathing quickly. I had never felt so powerless. I was supposed to protect her, and I would. I would die to protect her, but I had no idea how to shield her from whatever this thing was.
Then I had an idea. I looked to the light switch panel to my left. I knew one of them was the porch light, but there were three others: the living room light, the kitchen light, and the hall light. If I pressed the wrong light, I didn't know what the thing would do, but I had to try. I had to remember which light Katie's dad used to turn the porch light on when he goes out for a smoke.
I reached for the light second from the bottom and flicked the switch. The hall light turned on. Luckily, the hall was on the opposite side of the kitchen from where the living room was, and it was out of view for the creature at the window. But I couldn't mess up again. If the kitchen light turned on, the creature would see me, and if the living room light turned on, it might cause it to attack Katie. I looked back at the creature, which was using one of its hands to scratch the window as it sniffed around. I had to do something.
I reached for the bottom light switch and flicked it; the porch light turned on. The creature spun around to face it and let out a screech that will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life. I ran to Katie and grabbed her, dragging her off the side of the couch where there was about a metre gap between the armrest of the couch and the wall.
The sound of the window smashing filled the house, and Katie cried into my shoulder. I couldn't see anything; it was pitch darkness besides the slight blue glare from the TV on the wall above us. But I could hear raspy breathing and bones cracking as the thing searched the living room. I heard it sniffing the couch where Katie was sitting, and I heard it make its way closer to the end of the couch, one of its hands pressed on the wall above us. I saw the silhouette of its head begin to peak over the side of the couch, but suddenly the light turned on, and Katie's dad yelled as he saw us from the kitchen while he was holding a shotgun.
The creature ran at him but fell to the ground as a loud shot rang out in the night, leaving only the sound of our combined breathing and Katie's soft sobs. I watched intently as the body lying between Katie's dad and me moved around on the floor, before slamming its hand down, then the other, and pushing itself to its feet.
Katie's dad reloaded his shotgun, but it was too late. The creature grabbed the poor man by his leg and pulled it out from under him, causing him to shoot the ceiling. I grabbed Katie and dragged her upstairs as the creature began tearing into her father. She cried and screamed, begging me to help him, but what could I do? Whatever that thing was, it just took a shotgun blast to the chest and brushed it off.
I locked us in her upstairs bathroom as the creature's loud and hurried footsteps made their way towards us. Katie was crying loudly now, insisting that we were going to die. Honestly, not a super helpful contribution, but I can't blame her.
As the creature began crashing against the door, pieces of wood started to splinter off. I shoved Katie into the tub, and then lay on top of her. Hopefully, my body would be enough to shield her from this thing. Time slowed down as the door exploded inward. I looked at the girl I loved, makeup running down her face, pieces of door in her hair, mouth wide open as she let out the most ear splitting scream. For some reason, I felt no fear. Even as the monster began tearing at my clothes and clawing at my flesh, I felt strangely calm.
Eventually, the creature grabbed me, swinging me around by my hoodie, slamming me into every wall and surface in the room. I fell to the ground as the hoodie ripped off, and the creature just stared at me, then the hoodie in its hand, then back at me. I stared back, utterly confused, as it leaned over and sniffed my entire body from head to toe. It looked as puzzled as I felt for a moment before I heard Roman's car pull up outside.
The creature screeched as it sprinted out the door, slamming into the hallway wall in its haste. "NO!" I shouted, leaving my still-shaking girlfriend in the tub as I chased the monster out of the house. Somehow, I caught up to the creature and grabbed onto it, bringing it to the ground below. The thing managed to get on top of me, biting and clawing at my arms and hands as I shielded my face.
Before I knew it, Roman came out of nowhere, tackling the creature off me, yelling for me to run. The creature, sleek and deadly, wasted no time in retaliating against Roman's attack. With a primal growl, it lunged at him, its claws slicing through the air like daggers.
Roman had a size advantage that I didn't have, and managed to hold his own for a few seconds as he wrestled with the beast. He'd always been as strong as a bull for as long as I can remember, tall with powerful hands and massive arms and shoulders. But I couldn't risk watching my brother, as strong as he may be, get killed by this… whatever it is.
With strength I didn't know I had, I grabbed the back of Roman's expensive shirt and pulled him out of the way of a fatal blow to the head, throwing him towards the car before I lunged at the creature and went feral. I don't know what came over me; I started swinging on the creature as we tumbled around in the muddy grass. Just when I thought I was actually winning, the creature managed to get its legs between us and kicked me off, then swung its clawed hand at my stomach, ripping it right open.
I collapsed to the ground as my body tried to comprehend what had just happened. My eyes narrowed as everything was drowned out. I watched the silent scene play out before me, my heartbeat pounding in my head.
The creature charged at Roman, who leaped to grab his car's back door handle just as the creature snagged his foot. It yanked at his leg, but Roman clung onto his car door tightly. The creature persisted in pulling as Roman struggled to reach for something in his hiking gear stored in the back seat.
With an agonising yell, Roman's leg gave a sickening snap. Despite the pain, he finally retrieved what he was searching for. Releasing the car door, Roman watched as the creature stumbled backward. Seizing the opportunity, he swiftly climbed on top of it, brandishing his trusty hunting knife from his camping trips.
As Roman wrestled with the creature, the air was filled with grunts and snarls. He plunged the hunting knife into the creature's body, eliciting a guttural howl of pain. The creature thrashed wildly, but Roman held on grimly, his determination unwavering.
With each strike, Roman's movements became more frenzied, fueled by adrenaline and the need to protect us. The creature's attempts to retaliate grew weaker as Roman's blows found their mark. With a final decisive thrust, Roman delivered the fatal blow, and the creature slumped to the ground, defeated.
Breathing heavily, Roman collapsed beside the creature, his body trembling with exhaustion and relief. I rushed to his side, concern evident in my voice. "Natalie-" he faintly murmured.
"Who? Who's Natalie?" I asked, my confusion growing.
Suddenly, the creature jolted up, its movements abrupt and startling. Without warning, it lunged at me, seizing me by the throat and hurling me against the car.
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the creature sprinting towards me. In that moment, I felt a strange sensation coursing through my body, as if something within me was shifting. I glanced down at my hands and watched in horror as they contorted and turned a sickly shade of grey. Long claws protruded from my fingers, their sharp edges glinting in the dim light.
As my bones cracked and deformed under the strain of this inexplicable transformation, a sudden surge of anger and ferocity overwhelmed my senses. It was as though a primal instinct had taken hold of me, consuming my entire being in its relentless grip. With each passing moment, the world around me faded into darkness until finally, I lost consciousness, my mind consumed by the terrifying reality of what I had become.
I awoke hours later in the back seat of Roman's car. The hum of the road and the whirring of the engine attempted to lull me back to sleep, but I sat up, rubbing my head as the memories flooded back. "What happened?" I asked, my voice hoarse and strained.
Roman responded with silence, a familiar reaction from him, but this time, it sent a shiver down my spine. As I looked at my arms, then my stomach, and felt around my whole body, I realised the wounds and deep gashes caused by the creature were all gone, as if I had never been attacked.
I caught Roman's gaze in the mirror, but he quickly averted his eyes. That's when I noticed Katie in the passenger seat, her tear-stained face betraying her silent anguish. It was clear she wanted to say something, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Roman had warned her against it.
"What do you know about this place?" Roman asked sternly, his voice devoid of emotion.
"We've lived here all our lives, Roman," I replied, confusion evident in my tone. "What do you mean?”
Roman pressed down on the brakes, bringing us to a sudden stop. I noticed a pained expression flit across his face in the mirror, a fleeting moment of vulnerability that he quickly tried to conceal.
"Your leg!" I exclaimed, my voice laced with concern as I recalled the events from earlier.
"It was a dislocated hip. I fixed it," he replied bluntly, his tone revealing little about the ordeal he must have endured.
"This isn't real, Jason. None of this is real. You are not real!" Roman's voice was sharp, refusing to meet my eyes in the reflection.
"Back at Katie's house, I remembered everything the moment I looked into that creature's eyes. I remembered... I remembered Natalie," he said, his words catching in his throat, revealing the first hint of emotion I'd seen from him.
I watched as a tear rolled down Katie's face. I reached to put a hand on her shoulder but stopped myself.
"Roman got me to remember," Katie said, her voice trembling. "I remembered the emergency alert, and when those things broke down our doors. I watched as they dragged my parents out, then my baby brother, then me. I woke up in this fake world, in a family that isn't even mine, dating a boy who turns out to be one of the monsters who brought me here." She spluttered, and I began to cry silently as I realised what she was saying.
Roman eventually started driving again, occasionally getting a call from Morgan, but after the fifth call he threw his phone out the window. We drove until I fell asleep. I don't remember what I dreamed about, but it was peaceful. I think I was in that forest with Roman. We were children again, playing around in the trees, finding cool sticks and exploring the endless expanse of what felt like a fairytale, which I guess it was.
I was awoken by the abrupt sound of Roman's car door slamming. I looked outside and saw that it was daytime again. Trying to figure out where we had stopped, I noticed a giant sign that said “Library.” I hopped out of the car and jogged to catch up to Roman and Katie.
“What are we doing here?” I asked, clearly still being avoided. It was understandable, but it still hurt.
“I need to wake everyone up,” Roman said as we walked in and approached a computer.
I noticed we were getting odd stares from everyone as we walked by, which is when I also noticed that I looked like I had just come out the other side of a paper shredder. My clothes were all torn up with bits missing, apparently not possessing the magic healing ability that I do. The sound of Roman typing snapped me out of my self-conscious thoughts and redirected me to the computer screen.
"I'm going to be a while, guys," Roman said as he began writing out his story. "I need to tell the whole thing from the beginning. Go find a book or something.”
I looked over to Katie, her face void of expression, but a great sadness filled her now dry eyes, having cried all the tears she had. “Why don't you just wake up?” I asked, probably coming across as more insensitive than I intended.
“I've got nothing to go back to. Roman told me what the world is like back there. If my family is here, I have to find them and wake them up first,” she responded, finally meeting my eye.
I wanted to hug her so bad, but I knew she didn't love me anymore. She probably had a real boyfriend in the real world.
Hours went by as Katie and I found a place to sit and wait in silence, watching Roman. He looked funny in the little library chair, hunched over the computer. Such a big guy looked out of place here, his muscular presence overpowering that of the rest of the library's patrons, who were all either very old or very young.
I hate to admit I fell asleep, but I'm just telling the story how it was. I was awoken suddenly by sirens and shouts. “We have got you surrounded, come out with your hands up or we will come in and show you no mercy,” a man's voice yelled from outside through a speaker. I looked over to Roman, who was limping over to us as all the customers flooded out the exits.
“Get up, we need to leave. They've turned the law against us,” Roman ordered. Katie and I listened and followed him.
We made our way upstairs into the empty employee lounge, and Roman opened a window... with his elbow. “They've got every exit covered but this one. We need to jump,” he calmly told us. He stood up in the window frame, kicked off some of the remaining glass with his boots, and jumped to the roof of the single-story building below, wincing in pain as he landed on his bad leg.
That's when six armed officers kicked down the door and opened fire on Katie and me. I moved to block the bullets from hitting Katie, taking several hits to the head and back. I then pushed Katie through the window, and Roman caught her before I jumped out myself and followed.
We ran from rooftop to rooftop until we reached a ladder that led down into an alleyway, where we attempted to catch our breaths. Roman and Katie watched me intently as the bullets lodged in my body began to work their way back out, the wounds closing up after. My skin color shifted a little, and I felt a rattle leave my throat as a cold sweat came over me.
“Hey, control yourself,” Roman told me sternly. I nodded, struggling to remain composed.
“Did you finish the story?” Katie asked Roman.
“Yeah, I kind of had to rush the last part, but I got the message across,” he replied, slumping to the ground behind a dumpster, exhausted.
“What now?” I asked.
Roman looked at me, panting. “I'm gonna help Katie find her family, then I'm going back to Natalie,” he said between heavy breaths.
“What about Morgan?” I questioned, causing him to look down at his feet. “I don't even know her in the real world, and I would never have chosen to be with her. This place… it's like it wrote me a life that was least likely to let me remember who I am. The girl I'm engaged to is the complete opposite of Natalie. I've got a brother who lives with me, my parents are dead. There's literally nothing here to remind me of home, bro,” Roman said, shedding a couple of tears.
We waited in the alley until night, hearing sirens go back and forth every now and then. When Roman said we were in the clear, we made our way back to the car and started driving again. I noticed Roman's eyes fluttering after about an hour, and I told him I'd be happy to drive if he needed to sleep. I could tell that his ego didn't want to admit he was exhausted, and he also still didn't trust me, but he gave in and pulled over, falling asleep in the back seat as I drove off into the night.

I had always read it's genetic, but through my health journey of having to restore my desolate microbiome I've found myself loving and craving foods I used to hate.

Anything coconut, milk, cream, yogurt, dried
Lots of the stronger herbs and spices, can't get enough
Ginger
Parsley
Brussel sprouts
I never disliked broccoli, but now my mouth waters for it

The final push was... coriander. Always hated it, always tasted like soap or perfume and I could taste it from a mile away. Even if it was put on food and then taken off.
I needed to boost my vitamin A; so I make a saag type dish with broccoli, coconut milk, onion, ghee, curry spices, garlic, ginger, and the biggest bunch of coriander cooked in.
I loved it.
I even had fresh sprinkled on top, didn't taste soapy.
Microbiome is wild, you really are what you eat.

Teething in babies is a natural developmental stage where a baby's first teeth start to emerge through the gums. This process can be uncomfortable for babies and challenging for parents. Here's a detailed look at the symptoms and remedies for teething in babies:
Symptoms of Teething

Drooling:

Increased saliva production, leading to more drooling.

Chewing and Biting:

Babies may chew on toys, fingers, or other objects to alleviate gum discomfort.

Irritability and Fussiness:

Increased crankiness due to gum pain and discomfort.

Swollen or Tender Gums:

Gums may appear red, swollen, and tender to the touch.

**Sleep Disturbances**:

Discomfort can lead to disrupted sleep patterns.

Loss of Appetite:

Babies may eat less because of gum pain.

Ear Pulling and Cheek Rubbing:

Babies might pull at their ears or rub their cheeks, as the pain from teething can radiate to these areas.

Mild Fever:

Some babies may experience a slight increase in temperature, though high fever is not typical and should be checked by a doctor.

Remedies for Teething

Teething Toys:

Provide safe, chewable teething rings or toys to help massage the gums.
Chilling these toys in the refrigerator can provide extra soothing relief (avoid freezing as it can cause more harm than good).

Cold Washcloth:

A clean, damp washcloth chilled in the refrigerator can be given to the baby to chew on.

Gum Massage:

Gently rubbing the baby's gums with a clean finger can help alleviate discomfort.

Teething Biscuits:

Hard, unsweetened teething biscuits can be offered to older babies to chew on.

Cold Foods:

For babies already eating solids, cold purees, applesauce, or yogurt can be soothing.

Pain Relief:

Over-the-counter pain relief medications like infant acetaminophen or ibuprofen can be used if necessary (always follow the dosing instructions and consult with a pediatrician first).

Distraction:

Engaging the baby with activities, toys, or a change of scenery can sometimes help take their mind off the discomfort.

Teething Gels:

Some parents use over-the-counter teething gels, but these should be used with caution and under a pediatrician's advice due to potential risks from certain ingredients.

Additional Tips

Maintain Oral Hygiene: Even before teeth emerge, wipe the baby’s gums with a clean, damp cloth after feedings to keep the mouth clean.
Monitor for Other Symptoms: Teething should not cause severe symptoms like high fever, diarrhea, or a rash. If these occur, it's essential to consult a healthcare provider as they may indicate another issue.
Stay Calm and Patient: Teething can be a trying time for both babies and parents. Maintaining a calm and comforting presence can help soothe a distressed baby.

By understanding the symptoms and using appropriate remedies, parents can help their babies navigate the teething process more comfortably. If concerns arise, it’s always best to consult with a pediatrician for guidance.

Lately I’ve noticed my feet have been turning blue. It’s not triggered by cold temperatures. I’ve noticed it happens after eating, walking, or sitting down for a few minutes. Just a bit of medical history, I had reoccurring bronchitis for 2 years from 2017-2019. Then I developed SVT in 2022. Other than that I have had a clean bill of health. I’m 24F, 5’6, 145lbs. I lift weights and exercise 4-5 times a week. I’ve considered multiple possibilities as to why my feet have been turning blue. Could it be heart related? Lung related? Could I be diabetic? My grandfather was type 2 diabetic. I am hesitant to do to go to a Dr to get it checked out as I have been healthy, other than that.

I seriously don't even know if it's n* but I feel really tired like I could fall asleep any minute but my body keeps jolting me awake in a panic and I'm scared that maybe my body is telling me not to sleep because I'm going to be sick? I've already had weird tastes and salivation in my mouth and pain in my lower stomach (like constipation even though ive used the bathroom twice today, once was basically d*) I know it sounds irrational but I just want to get to sleep but this phobia is preventing me from even that.

36F
Currently doing inhaled corticosteroid via arnuity, zyrtec, & flunose, for a cough that is suspected to be related to asthma cough for two months. It improves my cough but has not gotten rid of it.
I am starting school in late August & I need to get: - COVID booster & at least the 1st round of varicella. They both need to done by May 31 due to university requirements. I can ask for an extension if medically necessary to delay them. I have a history of chicken pox as a kid but don’t have immunity anymore per test - Planning to have my gallbladder remove due to gallstones via robotic laparoscopic multiport cholecystectomy. Planning to do so before school starts in late August. No symptoms from gallstones.
I plan to get the COVID vaccine this Wednesday but I am trying to plan the Varicella vaccines & Gallbladder removal.
Questions - Is it okay to get both vaccines, individually, while taking inhaled corticosteroid? How about getting both vaccines the same time? - Is it better to get varicella vaccine before or after gallbladder removal?
Other Health issues Dry mouth after getting COVID for 1st time since August 2022, Small Fiber Neuropathy since 01/22, subclinical hypothyroidism, and thrombocytosis since 1/21

Hi all, and apologies if this isn’t the right place for this, I wasn’t sure where to post and I can’t seem to find anyone with a similar situation. I work outside and about 3 weeks ago now I was at work and could feel I was going to get a pimple at the corner of my lip where it meets the skin line (I often get whiteheads and blackheads here and usually can feel them get irritated/inflamed). Unfortunately that same day I was moving some branches back and let go and one of them snapped and hit my lip in the exact same spot I felt the pimple forming. It stung like hell the rest of the day and I could feel a welt forming.
So when the pimple finally surfaces it’s like the worst pimple I’ve seen in my life, and appears to maybe have two white heads and still the huge welt underneath, I thought due to the trauma on my lip, but after a comment or two I started to worry it might be a cold sore. I’ve never had one in my life and was/am super worried. My dad thought different though and was convinced it was a pimple, I wore an overnight pimple patch and when it decided to burst it did appear to burst like a normal whitehead/pustule with the usual whitehead/pustule gunk, and I put some neosporin on it and it started to heal.
Like two days into healing, it’s finally looking SO much better and I’ve decided it was a traumatized pimple, and I go over to my parents for dinner and my mom decides to wipe the corner of her grown daughter’s mouth, right where this spot is healing, and manages to dig in with her (very sharp nail) in such a painful way that I immediately feel it start to welt up again. Three days later it’s blown up again and looks really funky, still no more painful than a typical pimple but clearly swollen underneath and at this point does resemble a more mild cold sore because it’s no longer a perfect circle/more like an oval, but maybe that’s from repeated trauma cause it can’t catch a break? Once again not sure what to do and am freaking out.
This time I’m outside for 5 days with wind and dust and debris before I can fully deal with it, so I once again clean and don a pimple patch in which the usual gunk comes out, but so does a small amount of watery/bloody discharge at the end. It never looked blister-y and I’m not sure how cold sores behave typically. It never seemed to crust over when initially healing and did seem to be healing like a pimple, albeit a complicated one? But at this point it looks kind of weird and I’m wondering if it’s an infected pimple? Or it is a cold sore and it was incredibly bad timing for a first one? Can they even refill like that and would the fluid be so identical to pimple pus (ugh gross) in the first place?
I’m going to make a doctors appointment tomorrow, but they’re very far out and I’m not sure what I should be doing in the mean time. I’m now on week 3 of this one spot wrecking havoc on my face and tbh I’m kind of sick of my lip/lip line being swollen. I did all the things that helped it heal and they seem to be working more slowly after this new trauma. Has anyone else dealt with something similar?
Thanks for any help/ suggestions and taking the time to read all of this. I didn’t want to post a pic in the main post, but if it’s helpful I can add one. Honestly not sure it would help, it’s been through so much 😂

Hey! I have been spending a lot of time in this subreddit reading other people’s experiences to comfort myself through my own abortion process, and I wanted to share my story for any other uterus-havers out there that were in the same boat as me and need a little reassurance and honesty about the process. For reference, I’m 19F and 5’4/115lbs, and I’ve been with my partner (20M) for almost three years.
I took a pregnancy test on the 40th day of my cycle (so I was five weeks four days along, my period was a week and a half late) and got a very quick positive result. I had a suspicion that I was pregnant because I had some weird spotting in the middle of my cycle and the week my period was supposed to start (no clotting), odd cramps, random nausea from strong smells, needing to pee way more than usual, random sadness and aggression from ovulation onward, extreme breast swelling and sensitivity (they were agonizing to even touch) and an ever so slight bloat that appeared right around ovulation and never really went down. I live in a southern state and knew that going in for procedure was going to be a goat rope despite the fact that I live in a decently sized city- I knew that if I was pregnant I wanted to have the medical abortion at home with my partner.
I ordered pills from AidAccess and it couldn’t have been any simpler, all I had to do was fill out a short survey and they guided me through email on how to pay for the pills. They were delivered about three days after I ordered them in an unmarked mail envelope with directions on how to use them inside. I ordered them a few days before I took the test because I was pretty confident it was going to be positive. They sent me 1 Mifepristone and 12 Misoprostol.
I took the test on a Friday night and told my partner I was pregnant, and he insisted I take another test just to be sure before I took the medication. Once again, another strong positive. At 9pm that night I took 800mg of Motrin (4 pills) and ate a bag of microwave popcorn and drank some water so I’d have something on my stomach. At 9:30 I took the Mifepristone orally and immediately inserted 4 Misoprostol vaginally- I’m terrified of throwing up and told my partner that if we had to get medical help to make sure there weren’t any remnants of the pills left inside. I know it’s NOT OPTIMAL to take the Miso at the same time as the Mife, but it was Easter weekend and I couldn’t be prolonging this process to when I would be going back to my extremely Christian and conservative parents’ house for the holiday.
I was extremely terrified and shaking when I got back into bed with my partner, and he rubbed my stomach to calm me down and put on a movie as a distraction. After about an hour I felt some light cramping and discomfort but nothing serious. At 12:30am, I inserted the next 4 pills vaginally- there was no bleeding at this point and I was worried, but I decided to give it time. My partner and I fell asleep around 1am and I woke up at about 3:15am to some discomfort but no real pain, and at 3:30am I inserted the last 4 pills and had bloody fingers after. I slept until about 10am the next morning and woke up feeling normal and not in any pain. I went to the bathroom to pee, and as soon as I sat down I had about a solid thirty seconds of chunks, clotting, and blood pouring out. I called my partner in and we ultimately determined that I had probably passed the pregnancy with the size of the chunks in the toilet.
Saturday and Easter Sunday were fairly normal, I stayed taking Motrin and bleeding ever so slightly throughout the weekend. The worst part was the hormonal comedown, I felt like I had been hit by a bus emotionally and didn’t really compute actual feelings. Monday morning I got up and went into work feeling pretty normal, and at about 9:30am I got hit with the worst abdominal pain I have ever felt in my life (I’m prescribed opioids for my cramps as a result of how many times I’ve been hospitalized from sheer pain, so this was a big deal) and clung to the toilet bowl for about 45 minutes at my research firm before just calling it a day and going home. I took 800mg of Motrin and it took about two hours to kick- those were probably the worst two hours of my life up to that point. Nothing would shake the pain, I was taking hot baths and putting microwaved bags of rice on my stomach and nothing was alleviating it. I also started bleeding heavily and clotting severely again. By about 2:30pm that afternoon I was feeling okay enough to get myself some food and felt like I would be able to go into work the next day.
I was so wrong. I was so entirely wrong. I woke up at about 8:00am the next morning and immediately vomited from the antagonizing pain I was in. This was the first time I actually threw up during the whole experience- thankfully my partner was there to hold my hair back and try to make me eat toaster waffles so I could take some more Motrin before he went to work. I was somehow able to choke it down and fell asleep shortly after as I did NOT want to be awake. Wednesday was a little crampy and bloody but I went to work and took breaks sitting on the cold bathroom floor for about 15-20 minutes at a time through the day- but by Thursday we were smooth sailing.
The uterine swelling, needing to pee, and breast tenderness went away after about a week and a half, and the bleeding stopped after about two weeks. I took two more pregnancy tests exactly four weeks from that Friday and they were both negative, and my first period was exactly six weeks after the abortion- it started this Friday. Emotionally, I’m still recovering- Mother’s Day kinda sucked for me I won’t lie, haha. I definitely couldn’t handle a baby right now as I’m a research scientist and my career is on the incline, but it’s fun to dream.
I’ll put any resources I used in the comments as this post is getting very long, and I’ll try to answer whatever questions anyone has to the best of my ability. The buildup was definitely scarier than the actual thing, as it was just like having a heavy period drawn out- and if you’re pregnant, you’ve probably had a period before, so just look at it as something you already experience once every 4 weeks, just ever so slightly amped up. Nothing new. You got this!

With all the Gypsy Rose Blanchester stuff in the media lately I’ve been remembering some things from my childhood. I’ve been in therapy for about a year but am currently taking few months off due to insurance issues. So I don’t have access to my therapist but this has really been bothering me.
Basically I had minor behioral issues when I was young and my mom got me tested based off a teacher recommendation. I ended up being diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety.
We got in with a not so great doctor and my mom quickly found out how easy it was to get medication for me. Through the doctor my mother was able to put me on some intense medication. From ages 10-16 I was on trazodone,Abilify, Strattera, Adderall, a blood control, birth control, and Xanax as she deemed needed. My mother had everyone including myself convinced I had bipolar disorder. She occasionally would say I was psychotic and waiting to be tested for that when I was 18. Also a lie. Often times I didn’t want to take the medications because I felt so sick and foggy on them. When I refused to take them she would pin my down and force them in my mouth. Holding my nose and mouth so I couldn’t breath until I swallowed them. Twice she called a policy officer to Baker act me for refusing to take it and said I was having a violent manic episode and attempting to kill myself (I was not) and got me placed in a 24 hour hold.
When I was 21 and out of contact I went and got a psychological evaluation. Mainly because I didn’t know what I was actually diagnosed with and was terrified I was this monster she made me out to be. I am now diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD (shocker). But no personality disorders.
I know we can’t ask for a diagnosis on here. But I’m curious about this illness and can’t find much just from google. Is MSBD something I the victim would be diagnosed with or my mother? Also is it only for if you fake physical y illness like cancer? And is there any research or known cases of people in similar circumstances who were forced to take behavioral medication and believe they were mentally ill?

(I'm not a regular Redditor so apologies if this story isn't formatted correctly also this is a repost from another subreddit that my post was removed because of medical reasons)
So to give context and background to this situation. I (26m) have been trained for CPR through almost every period of my life and fortunately never had to use it until... I learned CPR throughout Boy Scouts, High School Health Class, Personal Trainer classes, and previous Work Training.
I work at convenient store and experience many regulars, this regular for example is a man that we will call Jerry. Jerry is in his roughly late 40s early 50s and we happen to always have 10-15 conversations on random stuff we bond over. He is also an Eagle Scout, a father and has a daughter who is about to get married and is over the moon about it, a Star Wars fan and loves sports so there something we will always talk about. I love Jerry he is an awesome guy who doesn't talk about work a lot which I completely understand and respect. 1 week ago Jerry came Into the store with his wife that I have meet on occasion of him shopping, not really a social person which my wife isn't either so I understand. I was in the other isle when I started to hear heavy breathing at the counter then following a loud crash and panicking scream. I rush over to see that it's Jerry on the floor unconscious, I quickly run over and get down to assess him. He wasn't breathing or responding to me. I look over at my boss who we will call Misty to call 911 and grab the AED. I began to unbutton Jerry's shirt to start compression and getting him ready for if we need to use the AED. During this his wife looks at me and "are you really going to perform CPR, I'd rather have a medical professional than you." I didn't even comprehend this comment and just kept continuing. What seemed like 5 minutes of doing comprehension was only 1 minute the wife keeps on yelling at me saying "I don't have the right to touch him without permission or her consent." ignore her and keep doing compressions and mouth to mouth, that's when I start to hear sirens in the distant and since we lived in a super small town it was fortunate to have a hospital close by. the sirens getting closer then suddenly the ambulance was right at our door and rushing in wi the stretcher and one of paramedics asked that if could take over after my round of compressions. Of course I agree and we had a smooth transfer of compressions, that's when my boss with AED in hand comes over and that's when she escorted away from the situation to calm down while the wife was staring daggers into my soul. I was put into a room to calm down and after 10 or so minutes I hear the wife yell "I'm going to press charges against that guy, he could have killed my husband!" My boss tells me to go home after writing a report and take a break for a while. Right now I'm at home scared and waiting for that phone call from a lawyer or someone. I know what I did was right but I feel like I actually did do something wrong with going against the wife's consent. So AITA?

I didn’t do it. I didn’! I didn’t! I’m no murderer, no, listen! I will tell you your a killer. You do not believe me? Even for a moment? But little is my own sentence even a concern for me, the freedom in society has little left to offer me. Grief and horror are all that fill my mind, the only residents remaining in my home. And you’d expect it to be such an oppressing grief. But no, no, no…it is much more the horror. It is much more the intense fear, the great disgusting and evil works that wait for me in the dark. The grizzly voice that reassures me of fate in its worst forms. It is here now. Cackling at its maniacal work. I hear it. What are you worth wretch! You’ll burn all your years and infinite more! But forgive me, my anger is difficult to suppress against my enemy. He lingers still. A lover of deception however, would be a fool in his own craft to reveal his intentions. Thus, would be a fool to reveal their own horrid form. Therefore, relinquish some of your repulsion of me, so that you may have at least some possibility of belief in what I say. I understand the situation I’m in, but why should I refrain from telling the truth simply because it is unlikely you will believe me? Especially when you condemn me? Listen then!
I was watching television, and my roommate was out the entirety of this night. My family remained in Los Angeles during this time, so they are not making any affect on what occurred. But you want me to tell of my roommate? I am telling you! You ask about the murderer, so you must listen to all I know of him. It was in the most ordinary of circumstances and activity when such a striking and alarming voice pierced the room. The TV was quiet, and I lounged about with dull mind. When I heard someone call for my name from down the hall, whom which I couldn’t see since the door was closed, I of course simply responded, “Yeah?” This was the very first of the remarkable experiences I began to have. I realized what had just occurred. I was home alone, so who could be calling to me from my own room? Well I suspected then my roommate. But I had trouble reconciling the voice I heard with that of my roommate. It had such an eerie tone to it. Almost as if it were teasing me. Yet, it was such a convincing and deceptive call, that the mocking tone it had was almost imperceivable. As if maybe this creepy inflection was a result of my own nerves or unfamiliarity with the event.
Regardless of it’s true nature, this odd quality roused my attention. Was I indeed not alone? But then it must be my roommate, since it was my name. I could not get over the gross friendly tone it called to me with. It’s as if it was bragging about knowing my name. I froze for a moment with the TV playing, listening for another call. “Javier” a woman's voice called out gently and compassionately. But such disgusting compassion did it call out. It seems it couldn’t itself disguise just the slightest hint of malevolence that just snuck under the tone. Or perhaps it meant to say it how it did. But it terrified me. I reasoned it must be somebody I know. But I couldn’t bear the action of getting up looking around. I was simply frozen, wishing not to move and cause myself to miss out on hearing more by making a racket myself. it didn’t even come from behind the door, it was as if it was somewhere far away. Yet it was so clear and punctual in volume.
This left me more at unease and helpless to find a solution. This time I did not respond. I greatly regretted responding the first time. I only paused the TV and looked about myself anxiously, dreading that something would speak again. After many moments of silence, I compromised to rest from my alert. And as the words spoke drifted deeper into the past, the simple abnormality of them caused them to resist their place in my mind as credibly existing. Though it happened not long ago that same hour, I questioned if I did indeed hear a call out for my name in such a mysterious and ugly tone as I had. This was just before the most morbid of calls occurred. It spoke to my name again, “Would you come, Javier?” But such terror came over me in that delicately rude and friendly tone which it spoke to me in. The suspense and anticipation for the call was intensely surmised to a realization as my heart began a sprint. This voice was not just a woman's, it was my sister. How incredibly unlikely she would be here, unannounced and somehow in my home without my knowledge. I still held intense fear, for you must understand the uncanny sense from this call. It was as if someone was inciting their vocals and tone to imitate or mock a human. It seemed not as if they were doing an impression of my sister—no, for it sounded exactly like my sister—but instead it seemed as if they attempted an impression of a human. Such a perfect quality, yet just so slightly imperfect that I may subconsciously perceive something wasn’t quite genuine in this call. I darted my perceptions across the room wide eyed. I quickly looked about myself, checking behind me multiple times.
Now, the following details not only enhance the unbelievable notions of my current situation, but may in fact completely discredit me in even speaking about them. But you must hear it! I implore you to imagine this! It is the truth—all of what I say is. For the night I heard her—my sister that is—speak to me in my own apartment, was the same night, as I learned weeks later, is the same night she had died. Sophia, that is her name, had killed herself.
Many nights passed like this when I was alone. I was tormented by calls with no direction or location. I shuddered at creepy voices beckoning in the dark. Sometimes, even in daylight, things spoke to me while I was alone. Unrelenting and disturbing voices within my home. Now, you may presume at this moment I am clearly schizophrenic. Indeed, I too had this notion. I seeked a psychiatrist during this time, to which medicine was prescribed and an indefinite period of shipping as well. But I perceived far too many REAL things. Yes, these could be hallucinations, but you couldn’t possibly have that conclusion if you hear what else this has done to me.
It happened after many terrible nights that I heard of my sister’s death. I was very shocked at first. But sadness was not next door, grief did not have time to move in. Instead, a realization taunted and teased my peace. I would hear her tonight, speaking to me. You may not imagine the dread that filled my day. I went to work and back home as a zombie. The tasks and conversations passed me by as dreams. I was incredibly absent and void of presence in my own life. My head spun before it comprehended any purpose of grief and despair. When I returned home I found myself double, triple checking that the lights were on and the blinds shut. Even though these things were clearly in my sight. I also locked doors and called my roommate to make sure he was home. I begged and pleaded with him, but he only brushed me off telling me he can't ditch his shift. I paced back and forth within the rooms pitching the plan to myself to have a hotel room. I eventually settled on this as it brought peace to me. And that night passed, at least before I slept, how I hoped. My sister did not speak to me from the darkness. But woe had not stopped its intention upon me that night.
I managed to fall asleep. In my dreams that night, I was visited with a vivid nightmare. I stood in my childhood home waiting at the door with a bat in my hand, standing between my sister and the entrance. I had this feeling that something bad was going to happen, and that I had to protect her, though nothing in particular was occurring. Then, with a gentle creek, a clawed hand reached and pushed the front door gently open. A demonically horned monstrosity stepped into the room. Its hooves clopped upon the wood floor. I intended to combat it, but my muscles took no command from me, and I swung the bat as if I was in molasses. It lunged with a deep roar to my sister, digging its hands into her stomach and viciously tearing it open with ease. It dug through her chest cavity as a dog digs holes in the dirt, spewing and tossing guts and organs out slashed and mutilated. I stood helpless and disgusted, until it turned towards me. It dropped my sister to the ground like a doll it no longer wanted to play with. It approached and grasped me tightly, growling a deep animalistic anger, its stature looming over me. It took its claw and dug it into its own eye, slicing it and tearing it open. It leaned over me, inches from my face. I screamed in horror. Black blood seeped and dripped from its swollen socket into my mouth. I struggled ferociously but the blood continuously poured from its eye into me.
I awoke sweating in pitch black, feeling Intense fear in myself. As a child that had not had their night light. I was terrified of the thought of something being in the darkness. I knew I was awake, and I was in a hotel in the middle of the night, but my heart started racing in irrational fear. I didn’t even have the courage to lift my head and look about the room to satiate the tormenting curiosity in the mystery of a possible supernatural visitor. But, I did. There was a demon sitting on the chair. A darker than dark silhouette of someone sitting hunched, looking at me. It was a shadow. But I knew, even then, this was a devil. I felt it. The blood in my skin fell away. I was mortified; in absolute terror. I stared unmoving with my heart beating out of my chest at this figure.
I slowly began to hold disdain for it. It did not move, it did not speak. But, I was beginning to be relieved of my fear. Instead, it was replaced with hate. Burning, mean hate. I hated it. No, I abhorred it. I was angry. The most intense rage fell upon me. I stood up from my bed, looking about the darkness. I stomped and clenched my fists. Captured in the most ridiculous delusion of fury, I began yelling and thrashing my room. I broke vases and electronics. I smashed the TV to the ground. I bit and gnawed at the chair leg which the thing sat on. I flipped the mattress and kicked doors off their hinges. I scratched and tore pillows like a feline. I was filled with so much hate and anger. I remained like this until hotel staff came to subdue me. Which, at their arrival, the feeling subsided suddenly.
I now was plagued daily by these voices, and nightly by this demon. The visits were not as dramatic as the first, but still, It watched me from different places in the dark each time. All it did was sit there. Weeks passed like this, I lost tremendous amounts of sleep attending to fruitless solutions and avoidances. Either I slept not a wink the night and evaded my tormentor, save for the voices if I’m alone, or I had to face my tormentor in the midst of night with a bravery I did not possess, awoken by various nightmares or visions designed for me that night.
But this is merely his entrance, I must now speak of the acquaintance he made with me. It was another terrible midnight where I stared at it, in whichever spot it had chose for the night, contemplating the nature of such a gross presence and its effect on me. When, filled with a ridiculous exhaustion and exhasperation, I called out to it, “What do you want!” I saw a slight twitch in its head, which struck me with more surprise than fear, although I had both. “Do you know me?” It spoke in a low and growled voice. It had such a tone of malevolence and mocking speech, it even felt as if it spoke condescendingly, as if I was a child it was reducing to. “No.” I said, my breath failing me. “I knew your sister.” The demon stated with a snicker, which developed into a chuckle, then an intense and hearty laugh. He wailed and howled in laughter even, he sounded insane. Such a disgusting sound it was to hear its voice in the darkness so pleased with itself. It confused and frustrated me in fear greatly, and it became so loud and went on for so long I couldn’t stand it. “Shut up!” I yelled finally. It stopped laughing immediately. “But you know Javier, you know me too.” It spoke very seriously. I stared in bewilderment. “You’re guilty! You’re guilty! You love murder! Haha! You love yourself! You stroke huh?” The demon spoke without relent and enjoyed his own hilarity. “What the fuck?” I said in a trembled whisper. “Yea, you hate clothes, you little pathetic bitch.” It cackled.
I was roused again with the most extreme and unimaginable anger. I yelled my defense at him. He grew in laughter. I screamed any kind of profanity and slur I could think of at his station, and he only grew in volume with me. This went on until I finally arrived at my king accusation, which was finally enough to have it stir, “You’re a failure of creation!” He was silent for a moment. “What is it you know of creation?” It spoke with such a terrible and tremendous tone. “Are you worth any more than me? You’re subject to death the same. I’m a connoisseur of freedoms, yet, what are you? You are a slave of fear, scared of your own desires. And, even more so, subject to me.. As much as a mouse loses its life to the metal spring when it grabs cheese, so do you spoil by me.” “You speak nonsense!” I retorted “You’re very stupid, it’s difficult for you to grasp.”
Then, without much more deliberation, it simply began roaring with the most horrific and inhumane noises. It began screeching—it screeched with blood curdling yells and sorrow. It screamed as if it was lit on fire. At once, in the shadows, it began clawing at its own face. I heard sounds of ripping and tearing—with noises as if pounds of deli meat were slammed onto the cutting board. This was accompanied by an intense and putrid smell of rot, and I began weeping. This experience was more than I could bare, and I couldn’t describe to u what was unnaturally filled in my mind. This night felt as if i was never going to escape the moment, like the present moment was my eternity. This sight annoyed me to my soul for what seemed like hours, and I even conjectured to myself that this torture was eternal.
But soon, he did indeed cease. A gentle glow of orange illuminated the end of my bed. He stood before me, tall and with elegance in the light. He was skinned, his jaw dislocated, his face scratched bare and raw so that no features were pertruding. He was completely nude, with hooves and fur patches among his disfigured appearances. He wore this boldly with shame, yet, overcame it with overwhelming pride.
Such beauty it was to admire his stature. I could not help but gaze with wonder and pleasure. I must have admired him for a while, perhaps even hours. I became mad with lust for him, such a delicious sight he was! I should give up my other fruitless endeavors of life if I could just have the delight to taste him.
But just as I settled on my prospective bliss, my roommate entered the room. His yell of terror attacked my ears, interrupting us. Why scream? Why that hideous look on his face? What was he so scared of? What possessed him to be worthy of beholding any sort of indignation upon my beautiful companion? A little worm—that ugly little leech that dared breath the same air as us. “Get rid of it.” The demon told me, but I hardly needed a command to conceive of my goal.
Oh, what fun I had! It was like the first fresh sip of lemonade on a summer day! Like the sunshine that seeps through window seals—like the birds chirping in the dewy mornings. Like the adrenaline of a rollercoaster—the tickle of a drop. Like the intoxication that gives you belief of so much confidence. And to feel it on my hands? It was the joy of a child when he smashes his fingers into the moist sand—that innocent satisfaction of destroying a castle. Like the excitement of opening your favorite bag of chips—grabbing the ends and pulling the plastic with might until bursts open with goodies; yes, that’s what it was like for me to stick my thumbs deep into his eye sockets, and pull to open—if only I could. It was such, as when I bit down on his throat with all my might and sipped. It was indeed so, when I scratched and clawed till my nails came off, opening his chest and pulling at ribs like discarded hot wings, ripping at organs and intestines, pulling of nails, bending fingers two loops around, snapping his arms, smashing his head with my foot—but again my happiness was destroyed. For my companion had fled the scene, and he was no longer present. At once, I recovered some coherence and realized the tragedy of what I had done. How would I hide this? How could I discard of blood evidence all over me? How was he going to chip in on rent in this condition? I obviously had not calculated all the required considerations before doing such a thing. I was enraged by the black magic possessed by the demon, stupid, tricky, evil thing. So you see, it was his fault.

Well I guess that I have to start somewhere, so why not the end! I’ve been disowned for the umpteenth time by my parents (or rather by my mum because over the years, Dad has just learned to go along with whatever she says out of duress!) This has all been as a result of my having visited them in Hay ( a 700 kilometre round trip might I add) because my Dad’s brother passed away this week and it was Mother’s Day. I thought that I’d go to show my condolences and to wish my mother and sister who also lives there a happy Mother’s Day and bring them all some hand made gifts, I’m a bit sentimental like that.
I have taken to the craft of making pebble art. The gift that I made for my mother was of an image depicting my family with my parents, my sister and I and my brother who’s passed away, as he is handing my mum a bunch of flowers. I made one for my dad depicting he and my Nan (his mother) fishing at their favourite fishing spot; my Nan passed away just last month as well and I thought it’d be a nice gesture, then I gave my sister one as well with a quote about sisters being joined by the heart.
The first day, Friday, that my husband, daughter and I came there was okay. It always is especially when I’ve not seen them for six months or more! We catch up, mum talks about her very many health conditions, she then complains a little bit about everything and everyone but it’s not over the top at this point because she and my dad are kept busy opening gifts and seemingly happy to see us! But we had decided before coming that we were going to stay in separate accommodation for the weekend with the knowledge that things with my mother usually go sour very quickly! And if we’re not having to stay at their home when it does then we can at least retain some mental stability throughout our trip! This would normally be a point in which I’d let out a bit of a chuckle or if I’m texting or writing a social media post, that I’d add the LOL at the end of that statement, simply due to the stupid realisation that unfortunately it is so very true that it’s almost comical, remembering in my mind the very many times that her very predictable unstable behaviour kicks in at around the 24 hour mark and doesn’t often dissipate until well after we’ve left if not months later! I have no clue as to why I’m still surprised by this occurrence?! Perhaps it’s because it is so unbelievably erratic and shocking to anyone that witnesses it that still even now it’s hard not only to watch unfold but to believe!
But sadly as a result of these personally flips, she lashes out in anger, she can become nasty and callous, her comments are cold and uncaring, she can become physically aggressive, and the damage done during these times can be hard to ever overcome, especially if she aims any comment or remark at you! It is during these times that you know in your soul that she has not a single care for you, not an ounce, and that the only attention or compassion shown towards you as her child or friend is one of obligation out of her need to keep up appearances with those who are still weaved in her web of “social media” deception! She wouldn’t dare lift a finger for anyone in person! But just the fact that we pre decided to obtain alternative accommodation was possibly one of the triggers I was already prepared would set her off, as we would usually choose to stay with her and dad in their spare room over crowded with belongings of the past and present, not unlike the rest of their home.
With this alone, one would see that she has an overwhelming need to retain old memories, be them bad or good. She still literally keeps every ounce of clothing I’ve ever passed on to her since well before I had children which was 27 years ago! Looking in her wardrobe, there are outfits there I remember her wearing when I was a teenager! Her bathroom still retains the $2 gifts (still in their packaging) that us kids bought for her from school Mother’s Day stalls, and the Mary Kay makeup I used to steal when I was attending high school!
Her kitchen still holds the Amway cookware she purchased for hundreds of dollars before I can remember! And to make matters worse, even some of the food in her pantry is from supermarkets no longer operating! Over the years, her hoarding has been a bit of a thorn in dad’s side, having lived a life of drifting from house to house, town to town, moving around as often as they have, having to cart it all along with them and something us kids (myself, my brother and sister) have always found funny to pick on her about, but in writing this, it is easy to see that her need to keep the past fresh in her mind and under her nose is a sickness all In itself.
Whilst we were visiting, we visited my sister in her little unit. It’s like walking back into the 70s and equally as much as a step back in time like my mother’s house! My sister has been diagnosed with schizophrenia which when first diagnosed was apparently drug induced, however; going from the lifestyle we were forced to live as the children to my parents and their lifestyle choices plus my brother and I having been diagnosed with conditions and disorders of our own, putting the puzzle pieces together as to how we’ve all accumulated mental health diagnoses isn’t that difficult taking into consideration that neither one of my parents exerted any kind of maternal instincts at all! And not even as us kids have grown and struggled through our lives, we had always been told by them that once we turned 18 we’d no longer be their “problem” anymore!
My sister’s name is Julie. She moved in with my mum and dad after one of her countless admissions to the psychiatric hospital in Bendigo, having absconded from their independent living facility which is meant to be a monitored introduction back into society after a mental health admission, but she always left before she gave the chance for them to find her accommodation that wasn’t with her abusive ex husband and 4 children.
Sitting down with her in her home, hearing all about the time she’s lived in Hay both with and near my parents, how our mum would bail her up sometimes (which had happened recently) even physically, how she’s thrown dishes at her and how she abuses her denying her food for being overweight on a daily basis… how she calls her fat and crazy… there’s literally a Myriad of abuse in all its forms being dished out to Julie, and yet, because she has nowhere else to go, like the situation my brother was in living with them on and off before he passed away (under questionable circumstances in my opinion) she has no choice but to endure it… and it saddens me to hear about it all let alone see it going on right before my eyes! Especially when the exact same denigrating comments about being useless, overweight, a waste of a life and criticism about the way she’s living her life, the choices she’s making and what she chooses to eat etc etc was also drilled into my brother by my parents and whispered to all that they spoke too for many many years before by brother lost his life.
I know through my own experience having lived with her that her poisonous mouth can lead a person to questioning your mere existence, your reason for living and remove all self esteem in a single spat with her! In 2013 I took an overdose due to a gross level of mental health issues and past trauma which I couldn’t deal with. My parents were living with us at the time and my youngest daughter exhibited some challenging behaviours… my mum found it difficult to cope with her however she made no attempt at patience or compassion and so in a fleeting moment she’s said to my daughter “if I was your mother I would’ve killed myself a long time ago!”
Wow! Just WOW! The above mentioned examples of how toxic my mother is… after only explaining to you the very tip of the iceberg in these few paragraphs, even I am second guessing writing this at all, and I’m finding it hard to fathom how I can rehash the past and get into more detail about the really bad situations! Not to mention, go into my life right from childhood until now with her and my father which is yet to come!
Writing this down, whether I share it here or not is going to be a huge journey for me that’ll take a lot of courage and open some really raw emotions… bring back old memories that I’ve suppressed and disassociated myself from… there will undoubtedly be many trigger points that I will go into which some people might become affected by, including me, but mine is a life that was, is and continues to be a challenge day in and day out… it’s something I’ve had to survive, a life and reality that I still struggle so much with but least attempt to cope with and in some way, I hope that my story will be able to shine a light on just how the importance of love, attention, affection and nurturing in our childhood really do mould the person we eventually become…

We reflect the senses of God to the mind and the senses of the mind to God. It's a link between the two like how twins can sometimes perceive the same sensations through each others senses. When you look in a mirror you hear your own voice reflected through your voice box and mouth to your own ears and both the reflection in the mirror share the same qualities, which includes the same frequencies you perceive as a human being. Presummuably this would mean the same scents and tastes too. In the manner of a dream you would be able to feel the same physical sensations using your limbs and other parts of your body. In a grand scale this is to say that just as you are sensing through your own 5 senses (well sometimes the thoughts are a 6th) you are in the same sense able to feel what others feel and should be able to do so indirectly through your mind and intuition. There have even most recently been studies that have proved precognition and telepathy. Here's a Youtube video that talks about it. Study on Precognition Has Some Interesting Results - Squaring the Circle: A Randall Carlson Podcast.
I'm looking forward to a near future where people drop their materialistic views as both researchers and laypeople and just see reality as it is because there really is no denying what is. I also fantasize about a time where it can be common to discuss philosophy and spirituality as easy as people discuss memes and other popularized things. And on another note I recently saw that the Pope has started to acknowledge the wrong doings of the Catholic Church and started to accept more forgiving and unconditional perspectives on all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds. The Catholics apparently hate it and they think that he's the devil, but I think it's just a collective mind of group thinking that's had a hardening of a cocktail of projection, denial, insecurities about their self-image, and judgement of others without ever truly being able to accept themselves. Their minds are afraid that they'll become something horrible if they accept something or someone perfectly fine as they are. All in the name of what's "good" and not in the name of "love". (Sorry for the ranting at the end. I had gotten distracted and then came back to add my ideas to the post).
I also feel like the West and the East are mixing in more and more through the media, music, popculture, and anime as well. While it may not look like it on a greater scale I've seen some patterns in multiple aspects of both sides of the world like certain words being put in the oxford dictionary, anime being more normalized in the West, video games including anime DLC or skins, music in Japan taking a lot of influence from Hip-hop and rap, anime live actions getting non-anime fans interested in anime, more discussion about open-minded topics because of these abstract and Eastern ideas that teach lessons through anime, which could lead to further curiousity about it's origins and how stories like Journey to the West by Wu Cheng'en and the abridged version by Auther Waley as "Monkey" influenced Akira Toriyama's Dragon Ball (Rest in peace), which has Taoism, Confucianism, and some Buddhism. If people knew about this and with the growth of psychedelic awareness and psychology I feel like eventually they'd come around to non-duality and how there is a harmony to everything and we just all need some love and peace. (rambiling again sorry...)