Safety nursing diagnosis

Nursing for nurses and by nurses for the care of all.

2009.10.18 21:53 davedavedavedavedave Nursing for nurses and by nurses for the care of all.

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2012.12.09 12:39 Baconated_Kayos Student Nurse: tips, advice, and support

Practically anything and everything related to nursing school.
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2013.03.03 22:51 Epidoodle CRNA

A place to discuss Nurse Anesthesia.
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2024.05.14 00:59 Nichard ADHD screening

I'm a 35 year old woman living in England and have struggled with my MH all of my adult life. I do have a diagnosis of depression, anxiety and PTSD and I have long suspected I have ADHD also.
I've been back and forth to the GP more times than I can count and I was always just told I had depression, anxiety and more recently PTSD. So the last time I saw my GP she told me to make an appointment with the practice Mental Health Nurse which I did but before our appointment she sent me an Autism AQ test and an ADHD ASRSv1.1 screening test. At our appointment we went through my answers in more detail and she carried out a full assessment of my mood and we talked a lot about my childhood linking with my current MH situation.
The outcome of the Autism screening was what I expected in that there aren't any obvious traits right now so I scored low risk, however the ADHD one I scored 5/6 points on part A and 6/12 on part B which she said indicates that I "probably" do have ADHD but that the waiting list on the NHS for a formal diagnosis is around 10 years. So she basically said if I wanted the diagnosis in writing and on my health records to push for it or if I was coping okay and managing then she suggested to just keep going as I am but know myself that it's probably ADHD.
I just didn't think one screening test would be enough to diagnose? Am I wrong?
submitted by Nichard to ADHDUK [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 23:30 No-Comparison-4328 How to keep a job/Maintain a living

I need some advice to help with keeping a job. I've been a my current job at Fill In Blank Retail Clothing Store for a month or so as a kids and babies lead and it's been chaotic and rough to say the least at times. I've been cornered about my Bipolar Disorder by my general manager, made to feel dumb because I didnt know what type of cart was what, and I didn't know the exact stats for items. Now HR is intervening and Im getting more training so things are improving. I just want them to continue to improve and not go bad. For example, there was this huge safety day and there were no firefighters that could come in our area so I got some from the Marines but they didnt show up so I had to ask for the Sherrif's Department to come. (They came and it was pretty good minus the kids being afraid of the cops part). Also I'm a big cleaning freak and the bathrooms were never well cleaned so by the end of the weekend everything was trashed and I took photos and cleaned it up myself and mopped the back office and half of the employee lounge. Only thing was I shouldn't have left the closet open because fumes were escaping and I could have been sacked for that . (See I can't do anything right in their eyes. Something is always wrong)
I'm not sure what else I can do or should do honestly. I just want to do my job and any other things asked of me (Community Service Projects are a bit much for me but I'll do it if it's necessary). I just want to hold onto a job for more than a few months, have a clean store, and a good department. Then I can either drop down to associate or hopefully get a job at a hospital while I'm doing prereqs for nursing school.
submitted by No-Comparison-4328 to bipolar [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:32 Careful_Warthog3780 I'm struggling with adapting to life with Epilepsy.

Hi Everyone, I'm a new member and haven't really used reddit very much before. I apologize in advance if I tagged this incorrectly. I also recognize that this post is probably all over the place and very long. So thank you to everyone who actually takes the time to read. I really appreciate it.
So I'm 22F and was diagnosed with Epilepsy last year November. So my diagnosis is still relatively new. I've been really struggling with everything lately. So, before my diagnosis I was already diagnosed with ADHD ( I've know since I was 6) and a servere anxiety disorder ( diagnosed in 2018 ).
Before finding out I was epileptic, I was a very very active person ( you could basically say I was a gym rat ). I was at gym twice a day most days, went hiking, jogging and horse riding ( I used to ride competitively). I was very muscular, lean and had a relatively good mental state ( aside from my anxiety ). The reason why I was diagnosed is because I started passing out and having seizures during my university classes ( now, it happened outside of university classes as well obviously but we assumed that it was a result of my anxiety disorder ). After a long battle and countless incorrect diagnoses ( I'm not sure if the spelling is right there but oh well ), we finally got the answer. I'm epileptic.
Originally, we were overjoyed as we thought that we finally reached the end but I've just been fighting one battle after the other. The first medication I was prescribed made me so sick, I was nauseous, had dreadful headaches and was continuously shakey. It also made me pick up so much weight. As someone who worked really hard on their body and fitness, that has really taken a huge toll on me. I've since been changed onto Keppra which I'm much happier on and less shakey but I'm still struggling a lot with adjusting to my new lifestyle.
Since my diagnosis, I've really been struggling. I have anxiety all the time that I'm going to have a seizure while driving ( it happened once when I was on my way home early evening one day - it was already dark so everyone had their lights on ). I can't exercise like I used to be able to and I'm always ridiculously tired and sore/stiff and I haven't been able to loose the weight I picked up. I know I probably shouldn't but I can't help but look back and judge myself based on my ability in the past. I haven't even been able to ride my horses because my parents are terrified that something will happen while I'm riding and I'll get seriously injured ( which from a parents perspective is completely valid ). And also, I've been having extremely vivid and horrifying nightmares.
All my newfound limitations are honestly driving me crazy. I honestly just feel lost and useless at the moment. I had to take a break from university due to me being so unstable in the beginning and despite being on medications that seem to be working better, I'll go through a wonderful month or so where I really feel like I'm getting the hang of this and learning how to deal with it only for me to have a week or month of pure hell. I'm currently going through a truly terrible week. My parents told me I have to move back home because they believe I'm not managing my epilepsy properly ( their words, but I believe they think I'm not taking my medication - but I do. I'm very disciplined when it comes to that. ) They took away my car keys because they don't want me driving and they told me that they think it's in my best interest to stop horse riding and going to gym for my safety ( but still love telling me that it's disappointing that I've "let myself and my body go." And " you used to be so motivated, determined and focused on your studies and career". I feel like my independence and future prosecutor and goals disappeared the day I was diagnosed.
I'm sorry for my long rant but I'm honestly struggling with all this. I know it's going to take some time to get used to but I feel like I have to give up everything that defines me. Does anyone have some advice or suggestions? Does it get better? I'm really trying to stay positive and be patient with my body but I feel like I'm approaching the end of my rope.
Thanks for reading and please let me know if I didn't tag properly or didn't follow a rule. I did try my very best.
submitted by Careful_Warthog3780 to Epilepsy [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:22 laurenrose214 Am I ready to take the nclex?

Am I ready to take the nclex? submitted by laurenrose214 to NCLEX [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 22:04 Constant-Squirrel555 Advice needed because I want to take a paycut.

I (M30), currently work at a market research firm and earn $32 per hou $60k, my take home is $43k or $3500 per month. I'm not a fan of my field (research analyst), and want to work somewhere that is not so soul-sucking or helping big corporations (I had to toss out over a hundred pounds of fresh food for a study I was on). I'm still on probation and will be done in a few weeks (will have some benefits that I really need), but could be let go at any time.
I received a job offer from a college through a colleague who recommended me. The pay is $28 per hou $51k, with a take-home of $38k or $3100 per month. The job is a 1-year contract that is a Project of a Non-Recurring Kind (which means it's kinda of a one-off project and isn't guaranteed to be renewed). I initially turned down the job because the pay was $21 per hour, but when they posted the job on LinkedIn with a range of $21-30, I emailed the project lead and asked about whether there was any wiggle room. She offered me $28.53. There are no benefits, and no perks aside from the work is more interesting and in my area. I can become an internal employee in the College and can apply for better paying roles after this contract ends/isn't renewed.
My partner (F27), doesn't want me to take it, because we're currently placing offers on rentals and after utilities and rent, we'll need $3500 per month (possibly more if utilities go crazy). That's $1750 of my monthly earnings, and I need $1000 per month for my other expenses (groceries, dog, car insurance, etc...). With my current job, I have like $1100 to spend on rec or savings, with the job offer I'd have $750. My gf makes $5000 per month as a nurse after taxes (also will be taking off $1100 for her expenses and $1750 for rent) and says we need a safety net. I agree with her in theory but as we searched for rentals, our initial budget of $2500 went up to $3200 because she wanted a nicer place (we live in the GTA).
We both want to own a home one day but want to live together first to sort out our relationship (see how we resolve conflict together and handle responsibilities without our folks there to help us). We'd like to save as much as we can, but its kinda hard in this market.
I don't know what to do, because even if I stay where I am, I'm going to be miserable, and I'm not sure the additional $300-400 is worth it to me. I've lived on my own before and can make my dollars stretch and am fine to cut back on my spare $750 per month. I can have a career where I don't feel like I'm a cog in the machine.
Any advice on how to navigate this situation?
submitted by Constant-Squirrel555 to PersonalFinanceCanada [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 21:47 Sea_Pea6271 My sister cut me off after years of “abuse?”

My sister has a history of being somewhat psychologically abusive to me. I’m just learning how bad it actually has been this year. At least I think this is psychological abuse, I need help understanding it. It’s really a mind maze. I was always made to believe I was the abuser though I had no memory of ever being abusive, I’m not an abusive person at all, people will tell you I’m very kind, I cry over hurt animals on tv, and I run a nonprofit. Abuse is outside of my nature.
Her abuse started with creating mental health issues I do not have and spreading lies about me having those mental health issues to try to tarnish my reputation, even going so far as trying to convince me that I’m crazy or imbalanced when I’m actually quite rational.
I’ve been in therapy for over 15 years and I’ve been consistently medicated for over a decade. I’m very stable. Im diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety PTSD. I’ve been diagnosed and rediagnosed by multiple professionals. That is all I have. Nothing more nothing less.
She and her wife have spread that I am a paranoid schizophrenic, borderline personality disorder, a narcissist, a sociopath, delusional. Their “diagnosis” changes depending on what they need it to be in the moment.
She has used moments where I actually have had mental health issues against me, she left me in a mental hospital for up to 9 days by myself in LA twice while simultaneously destroying my reputation behind my back so when I came out of the hospital everyone treated me like a nutcase. I was ignored, avoided, talked down to by her friends. She would invite me to come over then later tell me all the mean things her friends said about me when I wasn’t there, kicking my confidence into the dirt. This was at a time when I was already in an abusive relationship and had no one on my side. I spent time with my sister because she was all I had and I was desperate to be loved by someone, I was desperate for approval.
10 years ago my sister was living with me. I had a mental breakdown after a miscarriage and I tried to kill myself. She took my suicide attempt and my tragedy and turned it around and used it to make herself a victim and made up a story about how I abused her during that time, simultaneously taking all the attention that I needed to heal off of me and putting it on her. I spent that year being battered by family about what an abusive person I was, never understanding where it came from, thinking I must be some horrible monster that blacked out whole swaths of memory while my sister soaked up pity. I hated myself for a long time. And I worked to win my sisters approval. She refused to speak to me for the next year, and I walked on eggshells around her for fear I’d be accused of abuse again.
While I was in treatment she was supposed to be caretaking my house. She brought a film crew into my home to film a movie, damaged stuff, then abandoned my home and I had to drop out of treatment early and go home because she bailed.
We got along for a few years and even got close for a little bit but there was some weird stuff
She dragged my parents into a family therapy session I wasn’t invited to where the therapist accused me of elder abuse and told my dad he needed to have me arrested. My parents were confused and disturbed. My sister thought it was funny. After that she switched therapists… and started seeing MY therapist. She poisoned my own therapist against me. For over a year I had no relationship with my therapist because I couldn’t trust her to open up to her because she was also seeing my sister. Now I have a new therapist and I’m learning that there are all kinds of notes in my chart that don’t make sense from my sister that my new therapist is now trying to fix.
10 years and a lot of therapy later I have learned while working with my new therapist that no, I didn’t black anything out. And no I didn’t abuse anyone. Those stories were most likely made up by someone who was jealous because I was getting attention. I had to have a therapist break it down for me. When I realized the pettiness of it I was shocked at the amount of bullshit I have been tolerating from my own blood for the last decade.
Two Christmas’s in a row she showed up to Christmas, brought gifts for everyone but me and my boyfriend, handed them out to everyone in front of us and had them open them, and then turned to us and said “sorry we don’t have anything for you.”
I’m a musician and she showed up to my show and walked out in the middle of my performance.
After that I lost my temper with her and went off on her about how selfish she is and she blocked me and cut me out of her life and has not spoken to me since. The new lie she is spreading is that I’m dangerous and I’m a threat to her safety. She had to cut me off because I was threatening her. She turned her wife’s whole family against me. I’ve been called deranged, delusional, unhinged…
Since then she has started demanding all family events be held at her house which prevents me from being there. She’s set up surprise family events and invited everyone but me.
She’s guilt tripping anyone who doesn’t show up to her events by literally breaking down in tears about feeling left out if I’m there. And everyone in my family is afraid to tell her to knock it off because they’re afraid of being cut off too.
Am I off base in thinking this looks a lot like narcissistic abuse and behaviour?
submitted by Sea_Pea6271 to confessions [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 21:46 New_Cloud_6002 crying at work!

cried for the first time at work since orientation / one really tough death last year. my home unit is a resp unit, lots of our pts are trached, night shift does safety checks and resets the trach carts, we have an RT supply room, etc. i got deployed to an oncology unit for day shift 45 mins into shift so didn’t have a lot of time to do chart reviews on my new patients and night shift had left so no handover. when i came to the new unit no one checked in with me i just saw my assignment and got to work. the shift is understaffed so it’s three nurses with six or seven each, i have six. already just feeling behind all morning and like i don’t know my patients and the unit is disorganized compared to mine, on mine we clip meds for the next shift so everything is ready, we set up fresh IV lines and tube feed lines, etc. and none of that was done which is fine but that much slower. anyway one of my patients accidentally pulled out his trach and i called me to the room. on my unit i would grab the obturator off the cart and reinsert the trach then page RT stat. well the trach cart didn’t have one and it didn’t have trach kits i could grab one out of. i started getting tunnel vision and questioning whether i just couldn’t see it right in front of me. i stepped out and called another nurse from the hall and asked her to watch my patient while i ran to the supply room for one, i also paged RT at that time, the trach was well established and pt was in no distress but still felt urgent and he’s got cancer of the mouth and throat with frequent bleeding from the trach so i know the area can get inflamed and swell easily. i couldn’t find the materials i needed so i went back to the room. my patient was alone, fine but i had asked him to be watched for two minutes so i was frustrated and now there was no one around so i couldn’t leave the room again. i checked the cart again but of course no magical appearance of an obturator. i stood in the doorway and a friend from a different unit happened to be walking by to grab supplies so he passed and said hi to me and i just started crying. i feel so embarassed but i was so overwhelmed because i knew what i needed to do but i felt like i couldn’t make it happen. i asked him to watch my patient and then i ran to my home unit where i know where the supplies are and got an obturator and clean trach set. when i got back RT was there and my friend was still with the patient. we put him to rights with a new trach and settled him. then my friend said i should take a break and i agreed. needed to calm down so i center and then could continue offering care. but we only have three nurses and the nurse i originally asked to watch my patient had reported off to the other nurse and left. so i had to wait an hour before i could break, which is fine but i didn’t feel in the right space to focus and feel safe providing care. i just charted and calmed down doing that. then the nurse came back and said “ oh what ever happened with your trach dislodgement? “ i said he’s fine now…
afterward the RT told me i can try an insert without an obturator next time, i’m taking that note and i know that i could’ve been calmer and the situation would’ve gone better, i feel bad that i let myself get so frustrated by the unit and the other nurse, i’m sure that made my thinking a bit impaired.
submitted by New_Cloud_6002 to nursing [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 20:56 ParthaB125 Liv Pure Review 2024 - Is Liv Pure A Safe & Effective Way to Lose Weight?

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submitted by ParthaB125 to WeReviewedIt [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 20:19 ikieneng My fanfiction - Episode 2

My fanfiction - Episode 2
The next part is here! This episode is actually so long that I'm going to split it, so today, you're only getting part 1 of 3.
DISCLAIMERS (the same ones as before)
The point of this fanfiction is not to be a straight-up continuation of events with the same themes, intensity, and tone. If you go into it with those expectations, you are probably not going to like it. Rather, it’s supposed to be how I wish things went if these events were real life. The resolution you want for a real-life situation isn’t often the right choice for a show, but it can be incredibly beautiful. Think of what you’re about to read to be a separate show then.
Episode 1 of this fanfiction begins after the episode “2:00” (season 2 episode 4), so it replaces the episode “Cake” and the ones that follow it. This fanfiction expects you to have seen the entirety of seasons 1 and 2, so you should watch those first.
I myself bursting into the story here. The narrator and me are the same. While my character is like 95% real me, don’t take events about my life described here as facts. Some aspects of my life have been changed for the story. In my head, I started writing like an “alternate me” character in 2016, fulfilling a lot of the things that I wish I had in life, adding that to my story. I’m not really from Ukraine. I speak fluent Ukrainian as a foreign language, I started learning it in 2014, and I’ve talked to tons of people from there, but I’m not from Ukraine. I also don’t have as much money as I do in the story. I wish lmao.
If you want to post your own fanfiction, feel free to do so! To get your own post flair for your fanfic, and to appear in the side bar, please message me.
SEASON 2 EPISODE 6 - “ATTIC”
Part 1 (day 1)
So I'd be scheduled to work with Sean in the kitchen again, maybe a few days later, and Leanne would be "allowed" out of the attic again and have some time in the kitchen with me, like with Tobe in the real show (which Dorothy only started to allow because her strategy of pure torture and isolation wasn't working...). Julian would be there to watch us while Dorothy is at work (it would be around 10-11 AM) and Sean is shopping for new parts for the dishwasher.
https://preview.redd.it/0c1nl07xi80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=e80511c2313074880382dd5b1773a6a046c0c90b
This time, we’d be told to cook something for Sean, following his recipe, maybe filling squid with a mix of mashed vegetables and spices.
This time, we’d be told to cook something for Sean, following his recipe, maybe filling squid with a mix of mashed vegetables and spices.
With Julian there, we’d be pretty limited in the things we can talk about, but the air would be noticeably lighter because of my gift for Leanne that neither of us can talk about yet, and you could tell on her face and especially in her eyes how much that has touched her. I’d imagine we’d talk about the stuff either of us likes to cook. She’d tell me that she doesn’t actually cook that much on her own. I’d be surprised and ask what she likes to eat, and she’d open one of the drawers and show me the cans upon cans of tomato soup and tell me she likes to just warm up a can every day and add some side dish on the plate, like toast, and something to drink, usually just water. She’d be a bit embarrassed about it because her experience is that people think that’s weird, but I’d tell her that I think that’s cute, and she could tell on my face that I mean it. I’d tell her how I eat obscene amounts of Ben & Jerry’s, even more so in the summer, and how her eating so much tomato soup reminds me of that, and I’d tell her how I drink sooo much Cola Zero that I’ve built up a lot of resistance to caffeine. “I can drink a whole two liter bottle, take my meds, and then go to bed just like that” (Side note: Coca Cola’s US website actually lists a two liter bottle among their sizes. Is that correct?) She’d be amazed and almost not believe me, but I’d show her my almost empty two-liter bottle in my backpack, with a little bit of condensed water from my fridge still on the outside, and she’d look at me with big eyes, bewildered and amazed, and we’d both chuckle before Julian tells us to stop. Quite confused, I’d ask why, like, what’s wrong with us laughing, and he’d tell us something like me not being there to have fun. I’d ask “Mister… What’s your surname?” - “Pearce” - “Do you have employees, Mister Pearce?” - “My father does, and I wouldn’t hire you anyway.” - “Oh, good, I wasn’t going to apply for a job with you in the first place. I can’t say I’m surprised that nobody wants to work for you.”
Leanne would be proud that I’m sticking it like that to Julian, and before he even has a chance to reply, she’d ask him “Could you please get us some wheat flour from the basement?” - “You want me to get you a fucking bottle, too?” - “Two would be nice.” - (Julian rolls his eyes) “I think I’d get two for myself, so I don’t lose it with you both!”, and he goes into the basement. As soon as Leanne can hear the door shut, she would suddenly tell me to fill up a bag she takes out from under the sink with ALL of the water bottles in the kitchen and a lot of the food in there that can be eaten as is and doesn't require cooking, and she’d tell me to do the same with my backpack, quietly go up to the attic, and hide there, so I can’t be seen if Julian comes upstairs, anticipating that she will be left alone in there again for days without food. I'd be confused at first, but she'd frantically beg me to do it immediately, and I'd trust her, I’d nod and say “okay” and do it. Julian would come back, and she'd pretend that I left. Julian would command her around again to finish up in the kitchen, and soon after, he'd lock her in the attic again, not knowing that I'm there.
I'd be shocked and really confused and concerned after realizing he just locked us in, and in that moment, she'd come to me, begging me on her knees to get her out of there, crying. At first, I’d just look around in shock with my jaw dropped, but then, I'd just hug her and just comfort her and let her know I'll do it. I'd feel so sorry for her... I wouldn’t know yet how long she’s been locked up for and why, but that wouldn’t matter for me to decide to help her. Really confused, I’d ask her to tell me what’s going on and why she’s locked up there. I’d be so shocked.
Once she’s calmed down enough after begging me to help her in full desperation, we’d sit down on the mattress. She’d tell me the full story - from the moment she first arrived at the Turners' in season 1 to now, including Dorothy’s brutal acts of violence and the pranks Julian and Sean played on her in season 1 to drive her out of the house, but she'd only mention the Church of Lesser Saints in passing as that's another really painful and complex topic she doesn't want to get into, and she wouldn't tell me about reanimating the doll yet because she knows how unbelievable the truth sounds (she tries not to let anyone know about her powers anyway). She'd stop several times while telling me all that because it's so hurtful, and I'd just comfort her and hug her . She’d cry out that it’s her fault and that she never should have come back. I’d just tell her that none of this is her fault and that she didn’t “come back” because she was taken against her will. “You can’t blame yourself for any of that. It’s not like they gave you a choice. It’s not your fault.” I’d tell her that she deserves none of the things they’ve done to her, I’d be absolutely horrified by them. She’d tell me about Sean’s visits to her, how he stopped coming upstairs after she was buried alive,
https://preview.redd.it/nfcpodj7j80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=51f4fc8c9cf9bbc64ed04133019220890cb18b05
and how he told her stories about Dorothy to try and make her (Leanne) feel sorry for her (Dorothy), so she can tell him where Jericho is. “I told him that Jericho died, and he just said nothing and stood up and got out after a while. He knows that there’s nothing I can do…” While she cries on my shoulder, I’d just comfort her, rubbing her back, and just express my absolute shock at the things she’s telling me and just try to make her feel at least a little bit better. I’d be like “Those are the worst things I’ve ever heard… He actually defends her? Like, he got you out of a hole in the ground and still told you that she’s ‘ not a bad person ’?” Leanne would nod. “Oh my God, what a piece of shit… What an absolute piece of shit… I’m so sorry you’re going through that… She’s trying to kill you, she’s starving you, she forces you to use the bucket, and… Oh my God, I’m so sorry…”
I’d just let her cry for a little while as I’m comforting her. I’d cry myself, just so shocked and horrified and scared. Unsure if that’s what she wants to do, she’d ask me if I’m going to call the police. I’d ask her how long she thinks we’ll be in here, and she’d say she doesn’t know. “Do you think someone will come up here before tonight?”, and she’d shake her head. “Mr. and Mrs. Turner don’t come up during the day anymore”. I’d suggest we wait until everyone’s asleep tonight and then try to find a way out. She’d say that she’s already tried everything, and I’d be like “Of course, but now, we got a lot more options because you’re not alone up here anyway. Like, okay, that’s gonna sound really hard, and it probably is, but I can try to step up on your shoulders and reach the skylight, stuff like that. If we can sneak out without them knowing, that’s probably a lot safer for you than calling the police while we’re unarmed and the Turners are not. And the last thing you need right now is another traumatic situation”. She’d look up at me, surprised that I’m even considering her well-being like this. “And if we don’t manage to get out tonight, we can still come up with a plan. What do you say?” And she’d smile and nod. I’d smile back and rub her back and say “Heeey, it’s gonna be alright. I’m getting you out of here! Until tonight, let’s just make the best of it!”, and she’d smile really hard at that, which would really touch me, seeing her smile like that because she has hope now, and she’d almost cry.
“So how did you like the cake?”, I’d randomly ask her. She’d look me directly in the eyes and tell me how delicious it was, full of joy, and show me the porcelain baby and say that she wants to keep it. I’d be like “I told you you’re special!” with a big smile and embrace her over the shoulders as she’s smiling back. She’d go “Thank you so much, Daria!”, and I’d be like “Of course!”
I’d then go “Hey, let’s eat some of this stuff! You must be starving!”, and we’d divide the food and water we got upstairs, dividing it into rations for three days (just to be sure…), making her ration for today a bit bigger because she hasn’t eaten in days. Because calling the police would create a dangerous situation for us (and it’s not like there are any lengths the Turners wouldn’t go to), we’d keep that as a last resort if we run out of food, “but let’s see what we can do tonight”. Among the food in my backpack would be every single can of tomato soup from the kitchen and a can opener 😊 Even though it’s cold, the soup would be like heaven to her! And I’d be like “Mmm! Hey, honestly, this is way better than I expected!” - “You like it?” - “Yeah! I thought it might be a bit dull, but there’s, like, what’s in here? I think there’s some celery, definitely some salt, and there are some chunkier bits, like, yeah, this is pretty good!” This is her comfort and favorite food, and because it’s such a rare choice, I don’t think anyone has ever told her that they like it (even the way Dorothy said “You do love that soup, don’t you?” in season 1 kinda communicated that she found it odd or weird),
https://preview.redd.it/m0qd3ffbj80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=3ca1365daff79f8b126460f21423e516ee5e9dd7
and she’d love hearing that! I’d ask her if she’s ever had Ben & Jerry’s, and she’d say she hasn’t. “I’m gonna give you some when we’re out of here, you’re gonna love it! My favorite flavor is Cookie Dough S’Wich Up, it’s like vanilla ice cream mixed with cookie dough, Oreo pieces, and brownie pieces, and also some chocolatey stuff mixed in with the vanilla in some spots!”, and that would sound great to her, she’d look forward to it. And I’d give her the rest of my Cola Zero. She’s probably had some before, but right now, she’d enjoy every bit of it.
I’d take out my two phones at some point (I actually do have two - an iPhone 15 Pro Max and a Samsung Galaxy S5 Mini lmao, but there was no 15 Pro Max at this time, so I’d have an iPhone 13 Pro Max here) and give her the Samsung because, like, we don’t really know for sure if anyone will come upstairs before tonight. I’d add my own number as a contact as well and add her as a contact on my iPhone under the number of the Samsung phone, so this way, she can call the police herself if the Turners find me upstairs with her, and the police can find out where I am if anything happens to me, and vice-versa.
After we’re done eating, knowing that we’re left with like ten to eleven hours until we can try to get out, we’d just sit there on the mattress saying nothing for a few seconds. Breaking the silence, I’d look around a bit and ask “Did the attic look the way it did when you… you know, or did you decorate it like this?”
https://preview.redd.it/x38rzmzdj80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=18f45af349fce7f3783887e7e2eb3a27c7c27ced
She’d say she did. “It’s beautiful, especially with the lights and stuff! You’ve got a good eye!”, and she’d smile a bit in embarrassment. I’d be like “Hey, I mean it! No need to be embarrassed!” and then say “Have you heard about, like, I don’t know what to call it, but some department stores have LED chains that you can stick to surfaces and control the color of with a remote. Most of them can even fade back and forth between colors. When we’re out of here, if you want, I can show you some. If you already like these lights, you’re gonna love them!”, and she’d smile and say that that sounds great! I’d show her some on my phone, and we’d imagine putting them up around us and talk about our ideas that we couldn’t realize because we obviously just wanna get out of there, and we’d talk about where we’re gonna go once we are. I’d suggest my place, a small rental house like twelve minutes by bike from there that’s technically in East Lansdowne, where we can stay at least for a little while, and she’d say she’d love to, but to please take her somewhere safe where the Turners can’t find her, somewhere far away, certainly not this close to them. I’d suggest going to a hotel, and that would sound great to her. We’ll probably have to go to my place first just to get my stuff, but yeah, we can go to a hotel from there. I’d again just reassure her that it’s gonna be alright.
She’d bring up that I told her I’ve spent an exchange year in California, and I’d say that yes, I’ve spent a year in San Diego and add “Still the best year of my life.” She’d ask why, and in her own words, she’d say that we talked so much about HER life, and she wants to know some more about me. I’d tell her I wasn’t the first one in my family to do a student exchange year. My sister went to Denmark from 2008 to 2009. “You got a sister?”, Leanne would ask, and I’d tell her I got two and ask about her family, and she’d tell me she’s an only child. I’d tell her my sisters moved out, or rather, they were forced out, in 2007 (I think) and 2012, so I was alone with my parents for several years, which felt a lot longer. “Time already flies by at twenty-three now”. And anyway, at the time, I thought my mother, who did most of the “parenting”, wanted to make me happy by letting me go abroad for a year, but in retrospect, it’s pretty obvious that she just wanted to be rid of me for a year, the same as when my sister went to Denmark. In retrospect, I remember how many arguments she and my sister had after she came back, which was partly because she definitely enjoyed being rid of her for a year, and then, she had to “deal” with her again. Leanne and me would just lock eyes, and I’d say “We both got terrible moms” and chuckle because of it while still having sad expressions on our faces.
I’d say “Anyway, my first choice were the US, and I got placed with a family in San Diego, California, or [sãn ˈd̪je.ɣ̞o] in Spanish”. Surprised, she’d ask “You speak Spanish, too??”, and I’d be like “Yeah, but not back then”, and in awe, she’d ask how many languages I speak. I’d answer her in each language before saying what language I was just speaking in - fluent Ukrainian, English, and R*ssian, rather good Spanish, some French and Dutch, and I’ve forgotten most of the Finnish and Azeri that I used to know, and I’d show her on Google Maps where that’s even spoken. She’d be really impressed ahaha, and a bit embarrassed about herself. I’d be like “Hey, it’s okay, you don’t need to compare yourself to anyone. Life’s not a competition”, and that would be a really important lesson in life for her, certainly very different from how she’s been taught to think before, especially by her mother and by the Turners. She seems pretty smart anyway, and when I tell her that, she’d be really surprised and flat-out say no, and I’d be like “You’re super resourceful in the kitchen, like, you can come up with solutions to problems pretty quickly, you’re great at remembering details, and you already know that you got lots of special skills! I’d say you’re pretty smart!”, and she’d smile again before making a sadder face and telling me that she never went to school because the Church never let her. I’d be like “That’s… That’s horrible. If you want, there are YouTube channels out there that maybe you can use to learn about all the stuff you missed out on”, and she’d nod a little with a bit of a smile. “Doesn’t say anything about your intelligence anyway. Credentials are only credentials, and school is pretty terrible at telling you how smart you are.”
Back on talking about California, I’d tell her about my year there from August 2014 to August 2015. While there, I didn’t even realize how free I was all of a sudden because I was away from my parents for the first long time in my life. I changed a lot in that year because I didn’t have them look over my shoulder and judge my every move anymore. My mother even took me by the hand outside up until I left for America, and suddenly, I could socialize with whomever I wanted, I could stay outside of the home after school, like, AT ALL, the family I was with, they actually cared, like, I could talk to them, I could just ask when I needed stuff, and they didn’t force their restrictive values and stuff on me, I could just be me, y’know? I’d tell her that my time in California was also the first time I had a girlfriend (a little hint there ahaha), which my parents would have gone ballistic over if they found out. Leanne would ask if her and me still speak, and I’d be like “No, not in a very long time”, and she’d ask about the family I stayed with in San Diego, if we’re still speaking, and I’d be like “Oh yeah, we do. They know about where I live now, about a lot of the things that’s happened in my life since 2015, and yeah. We actually talked just a few days ago.”
“If it’s not too personal”, I’d ask, “do you still talk to your parents?”, and she’d shake her head and say she doesn’t, and that she doesn’t wanna talk about that, maybe another day, and I’d be like “Okay” and respect that.
Back on talking about California, I’d say “ignorance is bliss”, so to come back from America a year later (we already moved to Kyiv City before I left for America), where nothing had changed, with how much I had changed in that year without realizing it, my home life became horrible as a result. I suddenly realized that my parents having loud arguments several times a week is NOT normal, and I began to realize that my mother probably never cared so much about me and my autism diagnosis (which I got in 2006) because she loved me, but because she used it to cash in benefits for it all these years. I have no idea how much she received, but one time, I saw the bank statements of my parents’ shared account, and there were the equivalent of like $8000-$9000 in there, while I only received the equivalent of like $30 per month as an allowance. For years, a health inspector would come by once a year to check up on me (mostly by just talking to my mother) for continuing the granting of the money she exploited me for, and for years, she'd taught me to act like - literally - the most mentally disabled person ever during those check-ups, either ignoring the inspector completely and acting like they're not there at all, or cowering up in a corner and pretending I'm terrified. This way, she cashed in the money that's granted for the care of people whose level of disability is comparable to that of late-stage dementia patients… While the government was already struggling financially! Living in a normal environment for a year really changed me, and I didn't notice it until I came back, when I finally stopped playing along, which would make everything worse for how I was treated, and just one month later was when my parents broke up and decided they wanted a divorce, which made my world crumble even more than it already had.
If I didn’t have feelings for her, I’d probably just call the police, but because I do like her in that way already, I’d just go the extra mile and comfort her and ask her if she can tell me what’s going on and stuff, assuring her that I’ll get her out of there.
If Leanne was a completely different person and I didn't have feelings for her, I'd probably call the police, but when you're slowly starting to fall in love with somebody, you just wanna make sure they're safe and be really careful about this. I haven't gotten to a lot of the stuff in my life yet because it's a long story, but with how Leanne and me both went through parental abuse, parents who worked really hard to make us feel horrible, strict religious abusive upbringings, horrible punishments when we left religion, feeling so left behind in our development because of our upbringings and struggling to succeed in the wider world as a result (it's so hard to actually find someone who understands what that's like. I feel so much comfort and understanding knowing that Leanne can really relate to this!), and falling into the traps of other people who used our lack of experience and agency, we both went through so many similar things in different ways, and I'd think we'd bond soooo much over that, knowing and feeling how much we both understand each other through the similar things we went through, that would bring both of us so much comfort! I think we'd not just be great, but great for each other, not only through our similar experiences, but also through our similar personalities and values, like how we're not fitting in with people. I love her peculiarities so much that people just call weird, like how she eats sooooo much canned tomato soup, how she arranges everything so tidily, like her plates or her food in the kitchen, or how she keeps bugs she tries to reanimate.
https://preview.redd.it/h2t0cxyjj80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=6df143cc40eeab0fef3b56884a424da685c2d1cf
Something I'd notice so easily at this point in the story already are the ADORABLE ways she reacts to things with her face and verbally! Some examples of what I mean by that are her short pauses before she speaks if she doesn't know how to answer right away,
https://preview.redd.it/u5yj2u9nj80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=b3fdaaa7db350b8664b4f0391e5ba57621cae47a
how she answers non-verbally sometimes like smiling and nodding instead of saying yes,
https://preview.redd.it/4nkz9lvnj80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=509294d626b4e85f75a630214fecb5a836f6955f

the way she moves her eyes when something's awkward,
https://preview.redd.it/7pits5koj80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=45bd06c9198a480c47e61c8f8b3256fc958a7202

that is SO INCREDIBLY CUTE, I adore it so much, it adds so much to her personality! I'd notice that so hard already and absolutely adore it!
And even though we wouldn't know much about each other yet, we'd already notice and really like these things about each other. And up there, when I tell her a little bit about my life like I just have, she'd really feel for me, too and comfort me back, and that is honestly so wonderful to imagine for me ❤️ She'd sit there next to me and listen a lot and look at me, and embrace me a little bit. She wouldn't really know how to do that yet because it's not something that people ever did for me or taught her to do for others until I just came along, but she'd now know how good that feels and do it for me, too, as best as she knows how, and that's the best thing about it!
Late that night, when we think that everyone else is almost certainly asleep, we'd try to find anything we can in the room to get through the door of the attic without being loud enough to wake anyone up (because then, we'd both be screwed), but there would be nothing we could do to get out right then and there without the Turners waking up. If there was, Leanne would have been long gone already. We’re both twigs lol, so we’d step up on each other’s shoulders to try and reach the skylight, but it would be too high. We’d look for long solid objects to try and reach the skylight, but anything we find wouldn’t be enough. I’d double-check the door to the other part of the attic, and it would be locked. Smashing any doors would wake everyone up at night and make them come upstairs during the day. The window is locked, and it’s way too high for a safe fall anyway. So we'd make plans. If, in three days, we're still locked up, we will call the police because we'd have no other choice, but if Sean or someone else comes in by then, Leanne would be ""given"" a few hours out of the attic again, and they would leave the attic unlocked like they did before
https://preview.redd.it/xlgdf3mrj80d1.png?width=780&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b517528b4d494774c463ee320cd0ded84367809
because they'd think no one else is in there, and I would leave all the rations in the attic, sneak out of the attic, and leave through the basement. I'd leave the Samsung phone with her, so that she can reach me after I get out of there and prepare to get HER out of there. The plan would be for me to go home, taker a shower, type up everything I've seen into a PDF file addressed to the police, and send the PDF file to one of my internet friends (I actually have such a hard time making friends, another way in which Leanne and I are so similar and would really get each other). (I’m changing his name for this story for privacy reasons) I'd probably choose my friend Liam for this. I'd tell him that if I'm not back online telling him I'm safe in 24 hours, that he should then open the PDF file and call the Philadelphia police and read it all out to them. If I lived in America, I'd definitely get a gun lol. In Pennsylvania, I'd actually be able to just go buy one, I'd pass the requirements of the instant background checks. I'd get my gun, pack up everything we'd need for the next couple of weeks, and get a taxi to like one block away from the Turners', and with my gun for intimidation (considering that they're holding her hostage, this would probably fall under acting in defense of a third party), lock the Turners in the bathroom, have Leanne come downstairs, and leave with her, get to the taxi, and drive off, out of Philly, and be safe from the Turners for now.
But we'd leave the details for the next day. By this point, I'd need to tell her about some of my medical conditions, like night terrors, which usually fade during one's youth, but for me, they never did, so that she's prepared if they happen and doesn't get too freaked out, and so she knows that they're completely triggerless and can happen to me even after the best of days. I’d tell her that people don’t usually remember their night terrors at all, so she knows that I will act like nothing happened in the morning because I literally won't remember, it's only sometimes that I know that SOMETHING scary happened, but I rarely ever remember the night terrors themselves at all), and also so she knows to make sure I won't hurt myself or her if I have an episode, and also because it's a safety issue in this situation, to make sure that the Turners don't hear me, because if they did, we’d be screwed. And I'd have to tell her about my PTSD (because of the war in Ukraine, I’d tell her I’d lived through the first three days of it), which gives me nightmares, and to please wake me up if she notices I'm having those. We'd share the tiny mattress and covers that are up there, say good night, and fall asleep next to each other! Because I wouldn't have my meds, she'd fall asleep first, and I'd just look at her for a while 😊
submitted by ikieneng to teamleanne [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 20:14 CanNotQuitReddit144 Boulder: In home medical visits/care for older couple with Covid?

My mother in law and father in law have gone all this time without getting Covid, because they're fanatical about safety precautions. For example, they know exactly where and when my father in law became infected, because it was the only time that either of them had left their property in three weeks.
My father in law got discharged from the hospital today, though he still has a ways to go; and my mother in law is in her second day of experiencing symptoms, so it's likely that she's going to get worse before she gets better.
My wife and I don't live near Colorado, so I'm trying to explore options to help out, mainly on the medical front-- my brother in law and their friends/neighbors can undoubtedly handle meals and such.
I've located several services that will visit your house and administer a fluids IV, which could be useful. (Aside: judging by their websites, these companies do a booming business in hangover treatment!) But I'm surprised that in 20 minutes of searching, I didn't find a single service focusing on Covid care that will send a nurse or nurse practitioner or doctor to your house to check on your progress, possibly administer IVs, possibly prescribe medicine, check for mental acuity (particularly since they're in their 80s), etc. I would have assumed this would have been and obvious and profitable side-gig for someone with the right credentials, or else a full time job for someone employed by a nearby hospital or elder care facility.
Does anyone have any suggestions for where I might find a service similar to this? And thanks in advance-- we're both worried, but my wife needs to work all day, and I'd love to be able to give her some useful information when she gets home.
submitted by CanNotQuitReddit144 to boulder [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 19:40 rainjoyed gravely disabled clause

I need help understanding the clause underneath gravely disabled 5150 law in CA. It states someone is not GD if they have a family member willing to support them in tasks of life. Pt was removed from home due to “refusing to take meds” and suspect GD. Pt had family members begging to let pt stay with them. Pt also makes and attended own psychiatric appointments and had meds waiting at the pharmacy. Pt supposed to be on a high level case management team but pt felt they were being neglected (managers state they visit but patient reports to therapist no visits (family members also report no case manager visits), meds waiting at pharmacy but not being switched to a delivery method, several texts to case managers requesting support and meds for 6+ months)
5150 paperwork filled out by clinical director states patient refuses meds and is deteriorated without them (not true, very functional patient but home became too dirty and unsafe: this is true) BUT pt’s family requested to have pt go to them and not hospital or 5150. Family was doing most life tasks for pt because pt was denied a IHSS worker due to nurse practitioner not finding it necessary (therapist and other case managers advocated for pt to have one)
I do not understand who or when the “person not gravely disabled if family or person willing to take care of them” clause kicks in. Is this when you’re talking with the safety team at your house about to be removed, or is this for the interviewing psychiatrist to deem. Thank you
submitted by rainjoyed to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 19:33 Several_Bag_1770 Am I doing enough?

Hi all! I think I am just looking for mostly reassurance at this point regarding taking care of my grandma. Here is my situation (buckle up, this is a long one):
I was estranged from my biological father and his family from my teen years until about 2 years ago. Long story short, my parents got divorced when I was 2, my mom moved me out of state when she married my stepfather and I spent every summer in childhood visiting my father's family. For context, I am the only child of my father (my mom had other children from a later marriage, my half siblings, my father never had any more kids). Around my teen years, those visits stopped and I just kept in contact with my biological grandmother on my dad's side through the occasional letters over the years. I have a lot of resentment toward my parents for their poor decision making and how it's affected so much of how I act in my relationships as an adult. I have sought out therapy and am doing my best to recover.
In May of 2022, I received a phone call from my paternal grandma (who was 97 at the time), which was so unusual and very nerve-wracking because she never called me, we only communicated through letters. She told me that my father was very sick but couldn't give me many details. She was very hard of hearing and knew nothing about his illness except that it was a "blood disease." My father had been divorced 3 times and after the 3rd one, he moved in with my grandma and they were great friends. I think it was a good arrangement for them both. After that phone call, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching and decided that I should visit my father.
My husband (who never met this side of my family) visited my father and grandma later that month. I was shocked at their condition. My father never got up from his chair and looked so frail and sick. My grandma was actually in better health than him despite her age, but she still obviously couldn't care for him in his sickness. She could barely get up from her chair and was very unsteady walking around. I tried to get details from my father about his health but he was confused and unable to tell me anything concrete. But he did tell me that hospice was coming to see him the next day. So we came back the next day to be there when the hospice intake nurse came. He was even more confused the next day, couldn't spell his middle name or answer questions clearly. I did my best to answer questions (even though I barely knew him since we had been estranged for so long) and provided my phone number as a contact for them. It was all incredibly overwhelming. That meeting ended with my father wanting a little more time to think about it before being officially admitted to hospice. My husband and I went back home and I was overwhelmed about everything.
A few days later, I got a phone call from hospice. My father had reached a point where he was incontinent and belligerent and my grandma called the phone number on the card the hospice worker had left from her visit because she was desperate for help. I was suddenly thrust into a situation of trying to make decisions for a man I barely knew states away. It was obvious my 97 year old grandmother could no longer care for him at home, so he was taken to the hospital. I was able to talk with his doctor over the phone who told me that he had leukemia. The treatment he had been receiving was not working and he estimated that my father had 6 weeks to live. He would be admitted to an inpatient hospice facility until he died. I barely was able to process that because there was another huge issue: who is going to look after my grandma after he dies?
(A little more family background here: my father has an older brother who lives out of state. The two brothers never got along and from what I hear, my uncle had the tendency to rub people the wrong way. My uncle only communicated with his mother - my grandma - through the occasional birthday and Christmas card. That uncle has 2 kids, my cousins, who live in the same state as my uncle. The older cousin calls my grandma once in a while. My grandma has distant relatives who live about 45 minutes away and visit very occasionally.)
My husband and I talked a lot and I decided that I needed to go and stay with my grandma while my dad was in hospice. I was able to work remotely and so was my husband, so we made the drive back to my grandma's house and stayed with her, taking her to visit my dad every day, cooking, cleaning, etc.
My dad died on May 31, 2022, only about a week after he was admitted to hospice. I handled all the logistics and planning of the funeral. My grandma, who was totally competent mentally, was stone cold deaf and emotionally unable to handle any of it, so I was left to do everything, despite barely knowing him and not really having the chance to process my own very complicated grief at losing an estranged parent. Fortunately he had the wisdom to take out a life insurance policy years before with me as the beneficiary and I was able to pay for the funeral with that money.
And instead of his death being the end of something, it was the beginning of the most stressful time in my adult life. I spent day and night looking into care options for my grandma. We finally got her some hearing aides (something my father never thought to do for her I guess) and I spent hours on the internet, researching what is covered by Medicare, if she was eligible for Medicaid, etc. I called her state's agency for aging, multiple home health aide companies, the works. We had to go back to our home state to resume our lives, and all the while, my mental energy was spent on worrying about her and running through every option for care over and over again.
And here we are, TWO YEARS LATER. My grandma is now 99 years old at the end of this month. In May of last year, my husband very unexpectedly and heartbreakingly lost his job of 12 years. After that happened, we decided it was time to pick up our lives and move in with our grandma. While we were living in our state and she alone in hers after my dad died, I called her pretty much every day to check on her. I was constantly anxious and on edge. We visited her as much as we could but it is a long drive and we couldn't always put our lives on hold to visit her.
We moved in in December. And it has absolutely been one of the hardest times of my life. My husband and I are in dire straits financially (he is still struggling to find consistent work and my work is seasonal, we're just getting into my busy season but honestly, I don't make a lot of money). My grandma can still barely hear with her hearing aides in so I always have to raise my voice to talk to her and repeat myself multiple times. I spend hours of my time taking her to doctor's appointments (which is not an easy feat because she is wheelchair bound outside of the home), on the phone with doctors, picking up medicine, etc. I feel constant pressure to make sure she cared for. Overall she is a pleasant person but she is also a master of Italian Catholic guilt and passive aggressiveness. There is no one else to help us. I feel like I am slowly dying inside little by little every day.
So if you've made it this far, here is where I am looking for reassurance. We have to go back to our home state multiple times this summer for family obligations and my work (I am a wedding photographer and contracted to photograph weddings this summer back home). For example, at the end of May, we have to be gone for over 2 weeks to go to multiple graduations of nieces and nephews, open houses, etc. And I feel extremely guilty for leaving.
Here is more about my grandma and her current status for context:
Here are the things we have set in place to help care for her in our absence:
So my question is this: is this enough? Can I leave her and not feel guilty? I've spent countless hours and tears struggling with this question.
(Thank you to all of you who read all this and my prayers are with you on your own caregiving journeys!)
submitted by Several_Bag_1770 to AgingParents [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 18:45 RoohsMama On her Nigerian “royal tour” Meghan ignored cues from her hosts about her skimpy clothes. She always tries to look too sexy. She comes across as an aging D-list starlet rather than a diplomat on the world stage.

On her Nigerian “royal tour” Meghan ignored cues from her hosts about her skimpy clothes. She always tries to look too sexy. She comes across as an aging D-list starlet rather than a diplomat on the world stage.
Once, I worked overseas in a Muslim-majority country as a healthcare worker. On my first day in the operating room, a local nurse approached me with a safety pin for my scrub top. I was puzzled but applied it to my neckline.
Later my colleague explained to me that he had asked her to do this for me because some people might think I was too “exposed”. Apparently that tiny triangle of skin was considered too titillating.
It’s not for me to question or change their entire culture. I was there to do my work and I didn’t need to be a distraction, which is why we women had to be covered up on our way to and from the hospital, whereas men didn’t. It wasn’t for me to question the patriarchal nature of their society.
This brings me to the illogical human puzzle that is Meghan Markle.
She went to Nigeria accoutred in a number of semi-naked outfits. I don’t know even know under what capacity she went as - wife of Invictus founder? UK Duchess? Feminist? 43% Nigerian? Ex-actress?
Any which way, she went there for maximum exposure, so to speak. Rumours are that they’re collecting footage for another documentary.
Her clothes were intended to draw the eye, and not in a good way. Some people looked uncomfortable while interacting with Meghan while others ignored her completely.
I noticed that Meghan was offered clothes or accessories several times, and I see them as diplomatic attempts to have her cover up. Usually hosts don’t want to embarrass their guests so they make subtle requests like these.
I googled “dress code in Nigeria” and this is the first site that came up: https://www.africatourvisa.com/nigeria/dress/#:~:text=Modesty%3A%20Modesty%20is%20generally%20valued,and%20avoid%20overly%20revealing%20clothing.
It stresses that Nigeria is a diverse, multi-cultural society, and that “modesty is generally valued” among both men and women.
Meghan is supposed to be a role model. Why would she prance about in distracting clothing? It seemed that the message she sent to the schoolgirls she visited was “dress sexy like me, and you can bag a prince too!”
Supposedly, she majored in international relations at Northwestern. How could she be so ignorant of local customs?
I’m sure she’ll find a way to reply by issuing an article that states “no one told her how to dress” 🙄 By now it won’t work. Ignorance is no excuse.
To me, she’s advertising her wares and trying to look more desirable. Is she gunning for a Nigerian billionaire? Is she trying to make Harry feel jealous?
It’s her first “unofficial tour” after leaving the Firm and it shows. She wants to be the center of attention despite flouting local customs, so she doesn’t care. This explains why her staff and PR firms give up on her. No one wants to work with a diva and to deal with the negative fallout of her actions. Still, maybe by now they’ve become experts in disaster management.
Video source: British Royals Rise “Meghan got COMPLETELY IGNORED at volleyball match in Nigeria” https://www.youtube.com/live/f-Hp8xopnQY?si=BgeKNcwblGDPjKzD
submitted by RoohsMama to SaintMeghanMarkle [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 17:43 ranc1 Broken Looking-Glass Self is Social anxiety

What is Looking-Glass Self? This is concept in sociology, discovered in 1902 by Cooley - and his theory states that we form our own identity based on what we think other people think who we are. In fact, the whole sociology is based on social anxiety- the very same social anxiety that psychiatry (CBT and DSM) are pathologizing and trying to cure and destroy and present as mental illness.
Without social anxiety, without ability to worry what other people think about us - we would lose social skills, empathy and civilization norms - such as not eating others.
"If it weren't for the nervous people in the world, we'd all still be eating each other." The Misfits (1961) https://youtu.be/h56iL7vK5Y0
When people consume chicken - they eat the flesh of animals because there is no ability to connect with the slaughtered animals as conscious beings who are able to think and perceive us. So when we destroy social anxiety- our ability to worry what other people think - we will become psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. This also provide us with important information of self expression and holding toxic people accountable - by stating the facts and truth. Toxic people learn to suppress social anxiety - and this gives them ability to be cruel. And the only way to probe their delusions is to speak the truth to them. And that is why toxic people mock and go into hysteria mode - because their suppressed conscience and morality and ethics are eating them from inside.
Dolphins are not caught with smiles but cruelly with hooks, Michele. One day you will learn to be cruel. Caravaggio (1986) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF12uM_GK74
Sociology is based on social anxiety - that we form our own identity based on society. We need other people to provide us information who we are and how to express ourselves. The language is the very first thing that society gives us to define who we are - by using the very words that society is using.
Theories of the Self
William James (1890): A person has "as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him and carry and image of him in their minds"
Charles Cooley (1902): Views of self reflect the standpoints of significant others in our lives ("looking-glass self")
George Herbert Mead (1934): We imagine the perspectives of others and incorporate these into our self views - and that this occurs continuously as we interact with others on an ongoing, moment to moment basis.

Having a distorted looking glass (incorrectly imagining others’ opinions of us) can cause bad feelings, or a negative self-image. https://wa01001786.schoolwires.net/cms/lib/WA01001786/Centricity/Domain/70/Socialization%20Notes.pdf
What happens when we are around toxic people - is that our identity is deformed as well. CBT claims, along with DSM, that our worry what other people think - is personality disorder, called Borderline:
Reality testing is ability to perceive reality properly. Without too much deviation from facts. Borderline refer to you if want to know anything about reality. “Do you think so too?” Narcissist will tell you "am I not genius". YT Richard Grannon & Prof. Sam Vaknin about Fantasy
Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people feel about themselves and others, making it hard to function in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable, intense relationships, as well as impulsiveness and an unhealthy way of seeing themselves. (Mayo Clinic)
The truth is - if we are around toxic people, their criticism will affect our self worth. Their constant nagging, constant nitpicking, constant error finding and constant drama about anything that moves - will have an effect on our sense of stability and security in the world. This is not disorder. This is simply how society works. In order to heal our mental health issues - we need to repair connections with other people - which may include minimizing exposure to toxic people or cutting toxic people completely off from our lives.
We will never feel secure, confident, worthy - if there are toxic people around us who are criticizing us and others all the time.
Improving our relationships is improving our mental health. William Glasser
Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships. Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs. DK psychology book, WILLIAM GLASSER
Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
In another words: feel safe with other people = mental health
The single most important issue for traumatized people is to find a sense of safety in their own bodies. 🟦 Bessel A. van der Kolk
Toxic people cause social anxiety. That is why social anxiety is called social+anxiety. There is social element that is causing the anxiety. There is social factor contributing to anxiety. It is not called self-anxiety. We did not catch social anxiety by walking randomly in the street when it was rainy, so we caught a common cold. It is not like we felt bored in our lives so we invented neuroticism to keep us active and occupied. Social anxiety must start in childhood with ACE and ACoA where we learned from early on - that life is dangerous, that people are not safe, that we must worry to be hyper-vigilant and that we are unworthy if we make any kind of mistakes. We learned that our flaws, imperfections and mistakes are our core personality - abnormal and inept.
Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless. B. F. Skinner
This is how we end up with Broken Looking Glass Self. Distorted Looking Glass Self. We end up with operant conditioning - to worry what other people think in such way that we attempt to think for the other person ahead of time, so that they do not get mad of us - and then attempt, we try hard not to make other people mad. And how we execute this operant conditioning - depends on our background, people around us and punishments to which we were exposed as kids. Most socially anxious learn to keep quiet. To shut up. To self censor. And to self blame. If the other person is angry or hysterical - we will feel responsible for their mood swings and we will try hard to fix their emotions and their problems. Soon - we spread this fixing on other people, who are not angry - and we create fake social mask that is always pleasant and nice and helpful to anyone, especially if they are angry and rude and intrusive. We learned to interpret their anger as our fault and our abnormality. Looking glass self is broken - because it does not reflect any more - now we imagine how to please other people without using looking glass (mirror) - as all people use it.
Other people are there as information post. They broadcast who they are, many of them mask their true Self and present fake version of themselves, their social mask. Our brain will naturally form opinion about us through the words and opinions and non-verbal gestures from other people, strangers or our acquaintances. This part is totally normal. This is not disorder. This is not illness. The disorder starts when we try hard to fix other people's conclusions about us by making ourselves small and by changing our routine so that we soothe the other person. Instead of CBT techniques - all that we need to do here is to allow other people to think whatever they choose to think about us. Simply allow other people to hate us and leave it at that.
We really have to work very hard at changing our programming because we don't understand we're upset because someone else has a perception of us that we're uncomfortable with. And we challenge this person's perception of us. We're upset that people think this about us. Something amazing happens when you begin to accept that other people are allowed to have their own faulty perception of you. 🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coach Inc.
For the next step, sociology will also help us. CBT and DSM, psychiatry is telling us concrete steps which we must take - and morally and ethically speaking - this is illegal. When someone orders us what we must do - this is called manipulation and coercive control. This way anyone who is psychopathic and narcissistic can climb, grab and push their way to powerful position of ordering others what to do - and then evil people can easily manipulate and control the masses. This is what happens with psychiatry. Psychology on the other hand explains concepts - psychology does not order us what to do in life and how to react. That is why Humanistic psychology is healthy.
It is the client who knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial, what experiences have been deeply buried. Carl Rogers
In the same manner as Humanistic Psychology and IFS Model - sociology also has the similar term that allows clients freedom in own choices - which is called Thomas theorem.
The Thomas theorem is a theory of sociology which was formulated in 1928 by William Isaac Thomas and Dorothy Swaine Thomas: If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences. In other words, the interpretation of a situation causes the action. This interpretation is not objective. (wiki)
If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences. - formulated in 1928 by William Isaac Thomas and Dorothy Swaine Thomas
This means - that no other person can objectively tell us what is the best way to go in life. We need our inner GPS, our intuition, our common sense, other people as well - to form our reality and our construct of the future where we are headed. With CBT and DSM - we do not have this freedom. With CBT and DSM - we are pathologized instead - and all our focus is spent on fixing our symptoms - we are literally self consuming ourselves with CBT.
In real life- real life situations will not allow us to form rigid mindset. Any other person, any other situation in life - good or bad - is always unique and different. Sometimes it is great that we shut up and that we self censor ourselves - especially if we are tired and we don't want to harm other people with our nagging and complaints that will go off as soon as we get to sleep and rest. On the other hand - many situations in life that are triggering our social anxiety require from us to self express, that we talk out our truth - no matter how much manipulative people attempt to shut us up with mocking and shaming.
So when we allow other people to form toxic conclusions about us - we need to know that we can rely on our brain, on our intuition to tell us how to react and what to do and how to behave. We have this mechanism inside us. We do not need to pathologize ourselves with CBT. CBT will tell us that we must be assertive in order to handle toxic people. This is horrible advice because:
"If you have been the scapegoat in a narcissistic family system, the concept of setting a boundary is laughable. You would be telling them exactly how to hurt you, and they would happily oblige. Also, trying to set a boundary in a calm and tactful way would be met by resistance in the form of mocking and ridicule, attempting to bait the scapegoat into anger, which would prove you are the problem." YT kingbee9778
"I feel gaslighted by the therapy mantras of “ you have to teach people how to treat you “ ,(setting boundaries). No you don’t and no you can’t. First of all, it’s not my job to teach an adult how to behave like one and quite frankly, it’s a trap and a drain hole. Secondly, I DON’T CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE. They will do what they want, especially if they have the tiniest ounce of power over you." YT gertrudewest4535
When we follow CBT - we will repeat the broken Looking Glass Self when we exposure ourselves to social situations - and social anxiety will not go away - because we will continually process the same ways reality and other people in a manner that is toxic to us - through seeking approval from other people, through self flagellation, through harsh inner critic and internalized toxic shame.
To fix broken Looking-Glass Self means fixing social anxiety: when we are afraid of what other people think about us. With CBT we self pathologize our normal reaction to worry what other people think about us. This is not disorder, it is totally normal to have awareness that other people are thinking about us.
Many social anxiety coaches will use "Spotlight effect" as proof that other people do not worry about us:
"The spotlight effect is the psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are."
In toxic contact - toxic people - those same ones who trigger our social anxiety - do notice anything about us. In normal population - other people will think about us and we will define each other - through the process called The Michelangelo phenomenon - where we chisel each other into better version, where we change our toxic habits that hurt us as much as they hurt other people. In unhealthy, toxic social dynamics there will be the opposite: Golem Effect and Crab mentality. Where there is competition and where other person is perceived as threat and someone to pull down.
A lot of content on mental health in mainstream media does not cover the unique corner that survivors of narcissistic abuse live in. Not one mention of being in any kind of toxic relationship. “Avoid your triggers” is not easy in narcissistic relationships. When the discomfort is living in your house or down the street or in the next office. It was not even rumination, but reality. And the constant exposure means you don't get a break. 🟥 DoctorRamani https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uusKWmjUk6k
I'm not setting boundary with these people. “Don't do this with me”. “Don't say this with me”. It's all internal. Because if you try to set a boundary with someone who's narcissistic or antagonistic – it's never going to work. And I think it's unsafe guidance to give.
With this dangerous person no. But what are you willing to tolerate. How can you protect yourself emotionally. What access can you remove. Move these people from VIP section.
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
With broken Looking-Glass Self - we end up being trapped in toxic people's minds. Similar to horror movie / book The Cell from 2000. Even when we develop Who cares attitude, and when we consciously try to block and build walls away from toxic people, when we try hard to push down and suppress toxic people - we are still trapped in their reality of what they potentially might think about us. This is why CBT is not working - because CBT tries hard to convince us to use suppression as method to block social anxiety. And we cannot block other people - we need other people for our identity and our self worth - where there is healthy interaction called Interdependence. Toxic people behave in codependent way - they see other people as competition and this creates codependency. They need other people like vampires need blood - to exploit someone's attention, someone's focus, money, time and or resources of any kind. It is like give me, give me, give me - and provide nothing in return. With social anxiety we end up giving others without observing if the other person is emotionally invested in us at all. It ends up and one side interaction, exploitation really. Social anxiety means suppress anger as well. We learned to push our anger away - and this attracts toxic people who count on our silence and understanding and toxic empathy - knowing that they can cross boundaries of social interaction in their favor and we won't make any kind of protest. Then our own only protection - is avoidance. Therefore - social anxiety is natural defense mechanism against dangerous criminally insane psychopaths who are abusing their power position against ourselves.
In our teen years we experiences bully experience - after years of exposure to ACoA and ACE (constant criticism and constant drama at home) - so we generalized the belief that we cannot trust other people - and we learned that we process reality through broken Looking Glass Self - where we appease other people with our decisions - by being afraid what other people may think badly of us - since we were pressed and pushed into equating social rejection and our self worth as if they are one of the same. And psychiatry - instead of explaining us that it is totally normal to worry what other people think - CBT explains us that this is abnormality. This faulty explanation from medical industry is adding more trauma and more toxic shame and it gives our inner critic free reign to self abuse us - because we believe we are abnormal and ill if we worry what other people thin about us. In reality - all people worry about others. Even psychopaths worry what other people will think, along with narcissists - because they know that they need to form fake social mask of charm in order to seduce new victims into their agenda of exploiting and manipulating others.
Looking-Glass Self tells us - that we simply allow toxic people to form bad opinion about us in their heads - and that we absolutely do nothing to change this image that toxic people freely choose to believe about us in their heads.
You're no longer going to play the game of what can I do differently to get them to behave differently – because the answer is to that is nothing. That's radical acceptance. It takes long time. And it's not just accepting their behavior is not going to change, it's also the way it affects you is also not going to change. Just because you radically accept doesn't mean that somebody screaming at you is going to hurt any less- it does,it hurts a lot 🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
Other people will hurt us. They will say mean and untrue things about us. They will attack us - this has nothing to do with who we are. Their choice to harm and hurt other person - is abnormality in their brain. Normal healthy sane people do not attack others. Normal healthy sane people have ability to emotionally regulate themselves. Person who does not have this ability - is sick and mentally ill. And this has nothing to do with us. We are not the ones who can cure them by changing our behavior.
Lundy Bancroft: "Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."
The pain that we feel when toxic people attack us, verbally or physically - is normal pain, we need this pain as the instruction for us what to do with severely damaged people around us.
If you are not feeling pain, anger and sadness while you are taking in psychological abuse or something similar – you are going to end up in those situations over and over again –because you are not logging information that your body telling 🟥Heidi Priebe https://youtube.com/watch?v=GTQohPaGnSY
People say it bothers me when they say these things. I say, because they say bothersome things. I don't want you to lose that part of you. That part is good index what is okay, what's not. From that point – excavation. A person pulling their true self out of their relationships. If you grew up with narcissistic parent, it was a true self that never even got to develop. It's how much your identity got co-opted. What do I like, what do I stand for. 🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
The core of narcissistic person is very fragile. That's why they lose it when you critique them. Or give them feedback. Or don't read their mind. Or don't do exactly what they want. And that's why they use all kinds of tactics like manipulation, gaslighting, invalidation, dismissiveness, competitiveness, betrayal. Some of them are tactics, some are unemphatic behavior. And it gives them the upper hand in relationship. Control, power gives them supply. 🟥 Dr. Ramani - Cole https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
With social anxiety - we do not need psychiatry. Socially anxious need sociology. It is after all social issue. Social anxiety is anxiety that is connected to society - the name itself reveals this crucial aspect: society, social, societal. Psychiatry will only leave us lacking and with belief that something is horribly wrong with us, when we are around toxic people:
DSM doesn't explain anything. So many therapies and particularly CBT and others are just so focused on extinguishing symptoms which were once strategies of survival. And it doesn't make sense that you want to extinguish – we want eventually to move away from these symptoms and these strategies but I certainly don't want to pathologize them or look at them as somehow defective because they have saved our lives. 🟥 Transforming Trauma Episode 21 IFS & NARM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk
When we stop self pathologizing our social anxiety - we will unburden ourselves with toxic idea that feeling pain is abnormal and sick. And it will give us energy to start looking what is causing this pain - instead of focusing ourselves on chasing the symptoms. Without the stigma and labels - we will have much more resources at our disposal to handle difficult people in life who are causing our social anxiety in the first place.
With social anxiety - we need to learn about the Cooley's concept Looking-Glass Self and other terms from sociology. Instead of pathologizing our social reactions - we simply need information to confirm us that we are not abnormal and inept as CBT paints the socially anxious. We need information to learn what our rights are.
Five themes of microaggression against people with mental illnesses
1. Invalidation
When other people dismiss their illness or symptoms through minimizing their experience, symptomizing their normal experiences, and patronizing
2. Assumption of inferiority
When other people assume that people with mental illness have lower intelligence, are incompetent, and that they do not have control
3. Fear of mental illness
When other people fear them because they believe that they may be dangerous or unpredictable
4. Shaming of mental illness
When other people tell them that they shouldn't let others know about their mental illness
5. Second class citizen attitudes
When other people treat them as if they don't have the same rights as the dominant group of society.
Mental Health Forum, 2016

Diagnosis is not an excuse to be selective about their rights. Autistic not weird
Healing the Broken Looking-Glass Self means learning about the mentality - which we never had chance to learn in our developmental years. Other children learned this concept via keeping connections with other people. We - started to avoid people. Even when we were around other people - we pulled our investment emotionally with other people - and this way we never learned that other people are safe. We developed the stump growth - that is being stuck in age 12, when we started to avoid people. Similar to the plant that cannot grow roots in small basin or tree/plant that is stumped in growing due to some kind of obstacle to grow upright. Our growth was shaped from the perspective of not trusting other people - because they harmed us. Other people learned to develop certain amount of trust. They learned to filter out the bad people. And they learned that they are safe to express themselves - without being punished for it. This is why their social anxiety is in normal threshold. They will experience stress and then behave in anti-social manner, they will express their anger without problems - because they were never pushed into forming their self worth through worry what their tormentors might think about them. So it is not like social anxiety is abnormality or sickness - it is simply that non-socially anxious people were lucky enough to grow in healthy ambient, and that is their secret. They were not stronger. They were not more competent. They were not better or superior to the socially anxious. They simply had privilege and entitlement that helped them over-pass developmental years without fearing other people. Their mechanisms how to handle triggers - are mostly unhealthy (lacking empathy) - but their Looking glass self was not broken. With interaction with other people, with other children, they learned naturally to allow difficult people to hate them. Instead of worry - that is found in social anxiety - they simply turned their focus onto other people. With social anxiety - we do not have other people, we have no one to turn to, since we learned that other people are painful and traumatic. We never learned that hanging around with other people is enjoyable experience - and if someone is rude, toxic and abnormal - that we are allowed to focus and place our attention to better, healthier people around us.
In shame culture ambient - we will learn that other people criticism is reflection of our worth - and that is Broken Looking-Glass Self. That we cannot feel good about ourselves until other person reflects positive words about us to us:
Young American explained why she left Croatia:
"In Croatia people constantly express intrusive opinion about matters which are none of their business. The most irritating things were rude people."
https://www.poslovni.hlifestyle/amerikanka-napusta-hrvatsku-neucinkovitost-i-birokracija-te-ljudi-koji-nemaju-motiva-za-napredovanjem-u-poslu-358422
Young American explained why she escaped from Croatia:
"Often I heard Croats intruding why am I eating something, or commenting about what I wore. There is no such thing in America, we allow people to be what they want to be. People here are strange as if I am inside toxic relationship."
https://www.vecernji.hshowbiz/amerikanka-u-hrvatskoj-iznenadila-objavom-ljudi-su-ovdje-cudni-kao-da-sam-u-losoj-vezi-1351757
Don't look to the approval of others for your mental stability. 🟦 Karl Lagerfeld
We will heal social anxiety trauma with healing our choice to stay stuck around toxic people. We can cut toxic people - even when we are unable to leave them physically - by severing the trauma bonding in our mind - that is broken Looking-Glass Self.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
Yes, toxic people are pathological liars, They spread gossip. They create drama and hysteria. Toxic people do not have word toxic stuck on their forehead. Toxic people will not behave toxically in front of others - because they depend to look good in the eyes of other people - so they also have Looking-Glass Self no matter how much they said that they do not care what other people think about them. Therefore - social anxiety is clear indication that we are around toxic people. Toxic people do not allow us to express ourselves - and they use various methods of coercive control to manipulate their targets. The first step is to sever this trauma bonding - by allowing them to hate us.
That we basically stop impressing others.
Don't try to impress others. ✝️ Bible, Philippians 2-3
Cooley said our sense of Self comes from how we think other people see us. “I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am.” Other people's reflections of us and how we think about those images they have of us help create our sense of Self. Grades from teachers can reflect back to us an image of ourselves that we then internalize and becomes our self-perception. They effect self-image. 🟥 The Looking glass self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X1wwTCuZBo
We imagine we are seen by others. And that imagination forms our identity. Our identity is being shaped by others. Others is agent which influences who we are in society. You begin to believe that and you begin to see as your identity, what other people think of you. Intelligent, high self esteem, outgoing – you believe what people say about you, it becomes your identity. Our identity is formed through the way we imagine people see us.
🟥 Looking-glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UWOflUXKUQ
That imagination comes from interaction with these people. In the process of interaction they tell you this is what we think about you. And then you go off believe in that. You don't control what people think about you. Front Stage Behavior: Familiarity breeds content-With front stage they behave nicely. It's in subconsciousness of individuals that they have to behave a certain way in public. At interview- they smile, but is this who they are?
🟥 Looking-glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UWOflUXKUQ
It is often said that American Beauty is a film about identity. Each character seems to go through a very personal identity crisis. But I would argue that this crisis are not personal at all. They are products of wider social forces. We may define ourselves based on prevailing attitudes towards sexuality, beauty and material success. Sense of self strongly influences by social world.
🟥 American Beauty Film Analysis: The Sociology of Identity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6youJFbEgQ
Ricky shows Jane that he likes her as she is. Eventually this leads her abandoning the idea of surgery and gain enough confidence and self-esteem to tell Angela what she really thinks of her. Freed from idea that everyone looks down on he because of her physical appearance, Jane's sense of self is no longer defined how she looks, how she looks to others.
🟥 American Beauty Film Analysis: The Sociology of Identity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6youJFbEgQ
An individual realize its self by reflecting others' perceptions about him. They use social interactions as a mirror. A Person grows and develop due to interpersonal interactions of the Society. When one interacts socially, one completely considers how one looks in the eyes of others. Negative response leads to depression and anxiety.
🟥 Looking Glass Self Theory https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAzsBj6yTpw
Looking Glass Self where you see yourself the way you think others see you. You can't see the way others truly see you. So you're seeing yourself they way you think others think they see you. You can see how much is lost in the translation. You're much more beautiful than you think. You attract so much more than you know. There's more going on with you than you care to acknowledge. Beauty is not about what you see. It's about what you reflect. 🟥 Looking Glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFEkq8uDiJU
Mirror in front of you, and you are looking at yourself in the mirror, the way it is – is mirror in reality. As Masha labels you, tells you, comments on you, provides you all kinds of feedback, your self continues to develop. The way society perceives you and gives feedback about you. It is considered important to yourself and you have that impression that is how I should be. Their significance or importance makes you proud.
🟥 Looking Glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa-PD1YVxj4
There is something you have never understood, Joe. These people at the top, they are the same as anybody else. But you had it inside of you to be so much bigger than any of them. You just had to be yourself. That was all. With me you were yourself. Only with me. Room at the Top (1958) https://youtu.be/Cs1C_Tu2crI
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2024.05.13 17:31 ciderapple338 Can’t call out sick or else we’ll get written up

NJ. As of two weeks ago, my hospital admin is strictly enforcing attendance policy targeting bedside employees stating that after using state protected sick time (40h) you will be written up for calling out sick regardless of having a doctors note. On a 12 month ROLLING period.
Bedside employees are scheduled 3x 12-12.5h hour shifts/week. I was out sick for an asthma exacerbation exhausting all of my sick time in one occurrence earlier this year. When several other nurses and I were discussing the new enforcement of this policy with a supervisor, they informed us that if I were to call out for the next 11-12 months I would be subject to a write up even if I had a doctors note/excuse. Another manager in the hospital has already begun retrospective write ups.
You can’t work my job half functioning, it’s a safety concern for our patients. Seeing that it’s not a corporate bluff and that people are actively being written up retrospectively, I’m sure the concern for job security will urge employees to work even when they’re sick. My patients deserve a nurse that is able to do their job. It’s truly a liability.
Maybe I can understand write ups for sick outs without a doctor’s note, but even with documented physicians’ orders/excuses?
Surely there’s a labor protection/discrimination law against this? Otherwise what’s the point of doctor’s excuse?
submitted by ciderapple338 to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 17:00 Mel0diousFunk REMINDER TO CALL YOUR STATE SENATORS OFFICE TODAY PLEASE

Every week we are calling our state senators offices and ask to speak with them or their Director of Constituent Services and ask what is being done to address and most importantly RESOLVE this serious situation.

Particularly with phone calls, quantity is critical. Leaders pay attention to an issue when they believe that many people care about that issue.

Here a phone call guide on how to handle this phone call for the first time you call and then below this is an example of a follow up call


Ask to speak with state senator and if you cannot get them, leave a voicemail with this message below
And then ask to speak with the Director of Constituent Services or ask simply who can you speak with to leave a message with your concerns.
Hello [Senator's Name],
My name is [Your Name], and I am a constituent from [Your City, State]. I am reaching out to you today to discuss an urgent time sensitive matter of dire importance to me and many others in our community and our country.
The DEA's recent and consistent cuts to opiates have had a significant and harmful life altering impact on chronically ill and disabled chronic pain patients like myself. Despite the DEA's claims to prioritize patient safety and access to medications, we are unable to fill our legitimate prescriptions each month and as a result we are now unable to maintain a decent quality of life.
The DEA's focus on reducing access to prescription opioids is misguided, as statistics indicate that legitimate chronic pain patients are not the primary cause of the overdose crisis. Instead, it is the illicit and street drugs that pose the real threat to public health. The DEA claims to protect chronic pain patients, yet the reality is that their actions are exacerbating an already extremely dire situation. The false narrative surrounding the opioid epidemic is causing undue hardship and, in some cases, jeopardizing lives. Compounding this issue, our doctors are struggling to find pharmacies that are able to fill legitimately required and much needed prescriptions. The impact on doctors, nurses, physician assistants, pharmacies and distributors is severe, making it increasingly difficult for patients to obtain essential medications for managing chronic pain.
I kindly request your assistance in reaching out to the DEA and advocating for a more balanced approach that considers the needs of chronic pain patients while addressing the issues related to illicit drugs. It is crucial that we work together to ensure that the DEA's policies do not further harm those who rely on these medications for their well-being.
Thank you for your attention to this matter, and I would greatly appreciate any support or guidance you can provide.

Here is another example
Introduction: Hello [Senator's Name or their Director of Constituent Services],
I hope you're doing well. My name is [Your Name], and I'm a constituent from [Your City/Town]. I'm reaching out today because I'm facing a critical issue that requires urgent attention.
Explanation of the Issue:
On January 3rd of this year the DEA has implemented even more significant cuts to chronic pain medications, and it's affecting individuals like me who are legitimate patients that require these medications to manage our severe chronic pain. Part of the issue is that pharmacies are struggling to order and stock these essential medications. As a result, my medical care is being greatly impacted and my doctor is finding it challenging to treat my chronic pain adequately.
Request for Assistance:
I and so many other chronically ill and disabled chronic pain citizens are in dire need of your attention to this situation and your help in getting this extremely dire situation resolve by brining it to the federal level to the DEA. So please understand that I am reaching out because I know that with your support we can make a difference in making necessary changes to stop this discrimination against chronically ill and disabled patients that require chronic pain management medication. I kindly ask for your assistance in addressing this matter to ensure that individuals like myself can continue to access the vital medication we need for our health so that we can return to having our quality of life.
Another example phone call dialog guide is below
How to address the Director of Constituent Services
Introduction: Hello [Director of Constituent Services],
My name is [Your Name], a concerned constituent seeking your assistance on a critical matter. As the Director of Constituent Services, I believe your involvement could make a significant difference in addressing an extremely dire situation that is greatly affecting many individuals, including myself.
Explanation of the Issue: I'm reaching out due to the profound challenges faced by legitimate chronic pain patients, like myself, following the recent increased DEA cuts on opioid medications. The impact on pharmacies and distributors is severe, making it increasingly difficult for patients to obtain essential medications for managing chronic pain.
Pharmacy Struggles and DEA Narrative: Compounding this issue, our doctors are struggling to find pharmacies that are able to fill our prescriptions. The DEA claims to protect chronic pain patients, yet the reality is that their actions are exacerbating an already extremely dire situation. The false narrative surrounding the opioid epidemic is causing undue hardship and, in some cases, jeopardizing lives.
Request for Assistance: I am seeking your assistance in facilitating communication with the DEA. It is crucial to convey the struggles patients, doctors, and pharmacies are facing due to these cuts. The DEA's claims of protecting patients seem disconnected from the harsh reality many of us are experiencing.
Closing: I appreciate your time and consideration in addressing this matter. Your advocacy on behalf of legitimate chronic pain patients in navigating these challenges is invaluable. If there are specific avenues or information you require from me to move forward, please let me know.
Thank you for your attention, help and support.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE WHAT TO SAY ON THE PHONE WHEN YOU CALL AGAIN LATER THIS WEEK OR NEXT WEEK TO FOLLOW UP

SEE BELOW FOR THE GUIDED PHONE CALL SCRIPT

Introduction: Hello [Director's Name],
I hope this message finds you well. Following up on our previous communication, I wanted to check in with you to reiterate the urgency of the matter I discussed regarding the DEA's impact on legitimate chronic pain patients, including myself. Patients are chronically ill and disabled with chronic pain that is unable to be managed. Patients with terminal illness are also suffering needlessly. We are all unable to manage our chronic pain due to being unable to obtain our much needed legitimate prescriptions because pharmacies are struggling to fill even a partial prescription.
Brief Recap: As we discussed earlier, the recent DEA cuts on opioid medications have created significant challenges in accessing essential medications. Doctors are finding it increasingly difficult to locate pharmacies that are able to fill prescriptions, adding to the burdens faced by legitimate chronic pain patients.
Pharmacy Struggles and DEA Narrative: I want to emphasize the difficulties patients and doctors are encountering in finding pharmacies that can fill prescriptions. Despite the DEA's claim to protect chronic pain patients, the current situation reflects a stark contradiction. The false narrative surrounding the opioid epidemic is compounding the challenges we face.
Follow-up Request: I appreciate your understanding of this complex issue and the potential impact your involvement can have. I am hopeful that, with your assistance, we can continue to advocate for a more balanced approach that considers the needs of chronic pain patients so that we no longer are suffering needlessly. This DEA is discriminating against the chronic pain community. We are chronically ill and terminally ill patients with disabilities and chronic pain. I hope that together we can stop the harm that is being done.
Closing: Thank you for your continued attention to this matter. If there are any updates or additional information required from my end, please let me know. Your support in navigating these challenges is crucial, and I'm grateful for your efforts on behalf of chronic pain patients like myself.
Looking forward to your guidance,
[Your Name]

So you want to follow up and ask each week the following from them
WHAT has been done since you last reached out (i.e. ask how they have progressed with reaching out to the DEA regarding our inability to procure our medications.)
HOW are they helping their chronically ill and terminally ill and disabled chronic pain patient citizens
WHEN and WHAT exactly are the efforts they have made thus far and are working on
And do they need any other information from you and how are they making efforts to get this matter resolved by the DEA asap
Also ask who else can help us.
Thank you for making this a regular consistent part of your week. We need these calls to be frequent and consistent and in DROVES so that we CANNOT BE IGNORED and we RESOLVE THIS ISSUE ASAP

CALLS WORK
EMAILS WORK
LETTERS WORK

so today please call and either follow up on your emails and see what they have been doing to help OR get started and make this the day you start your advocacy to help us all.

Thanks so much for your help everyone

Mel and the Mods
submitted by Mel0diousFunk to ChronicallyillUnite [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 16:51 misanthrope247 Please help! Input on real world health assessment needed

I am a frustrated nursing instructor who hates the way health assessment is taught in our program. Tons of focus on PRECISE technique without teaching when and why an assessment actually matters. For example, second year students can perfectly demonstrate how to assess pupil response but none can tell you when it makes sense to do this or what an abnormal response even means. Heart sounds are also a big deal with a lot of time spent on landmarking for those. Are full heart sounds something done routinely (like Q shift) in your practice? If yes- what type of unit is it? I worked acute internal medicine and it just was not something we did routinely. Of course we often assessed apical Hpulse deficit [esp in pts with a fib]. I can easily rationalize when doing an apical makes sense vs not to students.
I reviewed an older post on this sub related to the topic of heart sounds but it seemed like people were mixing together the laying of a stethoscope on a chest for ANY reason with actually assessing for heart murmurs/extra sounds. There is a big difference between assessing for rhythm and rate and assessing for SOUNDS. So, in what situations would a new grad be expected to do full heart sounds every shift? What changes are you looking for from shift to shift? Is hearing an S3 really more sensitive for fluid excess in a pt with HF than daily wt/BNP or other assessments? If we already know a pt has a valve disorder like regurg or stenosis...are we able to pick up an acute change to that diagnosis that would require acute intervention? I want to be able to explain when taking the time to assess full heart sounds matters and when it doesn't in real life for a new grad nurse. HELP!
submitted by misanthrope247 to nursing [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 16:47 misanthrope247 REAL WORLD purpose of assessing heart sounds every shift?

I am a frustrated nursing instructor who hates the way health assessment is taught in our program. Tons of focus on PRECISE technique without teaching when and why an assessment actually matters. For example, second year students can perfectly demonstrate how to assess pupil response but none can tell you when it makes sense to do this or what an abnormal response even means 😒. Heart sounds are also a big deal with a lot of time spent on landmarking for those. Are full heart sounds something done routinely (like Q shift) in your practice? If yes- what type of unit is it? I worked acute internal medicine and it just was not something we did routinely. Of course we often assessed apical Hpulse deficit [esp in pts with a fib]. I can easily rationalize when doing an apical makes sense vs not to students.
I reviewed an older post on this sub related to the topic of heart sounds but it seemed like people were mixing together the laying of a stethoscope on a chest for ANY reason with actually assessing for heart murmurs/extra sounds. There is a big difference between assessing for rhythm and rate and assessing for SOUNDS. So, in what situations would a new grad be expected to do full heart sounds every shift? What changes are you looking for from shift to shift? Is hearing an S3 really more sensitive for fluid excess in a pt with HF than daily wt/BNP or other assessments? If we already know a pt has a valve disorder like regurg or stenosis...are we able to pick up an acute change to that diagnosis that would require acute intervention? I want to be able to explain when taking the time to assess full heart sounds matters and when it doesn't in real life for a new grad nurse. HELP!
submitted by misanthrope247 to nursing [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 16:45 ToEmpathyAndBeyond Wife’s numbers are scary high

Wife’s numbers are scary high
Tl;dr: My wife (38F) was diagnosed last week with BG 458 and A1c 13.7, started metformin 500mg extended release 2x/day, got a CGM, no finger sticks, numbers are 200-400 but mostly stayed in 250-350 range over past 40 hours. Looking for support, and wondering if anyone else was diagnosed with numbers this high, how long did it take to get them controlled?
My (39F) wife (38F) was diagnosed last week after a routine PCP visit with labs (first PCP visit in many years, but she had a gynecologist/nurse midwife visit in January and we saw a reproductive endocrinologist in March). Next morning the doctor sent this message. In hindsight I think her approach (incremental change, avoid info overload) is smart and probably works well for MOST people. But my wife and I freaked out, started Googling and asking our med pro friends, and immediately made a same-day appt. I left work 3 hours early and we arrived at the dr office 45 mins before the appt (unheard of for us 😂).
To the dr’s credit, she got us back to see her right away, quickly shifted gears to share lots of info and options, and took time to listen and answer our questions. She prescribed a CGM (Libre 2) which my wife got on Saturday. (Wife is terrified of needles and doesn’t want to do any finger sticks. I had to apply the CGM for her.) Over the past 40 hours, her numbers have ranged from 200 to 400+. She’s taken 8 doses of metformin 500mg extended release (2x day since Thursday night), and I know it can take 4-5 days to really see effects. I also know that her numbers have likely been this high for months and months, but I’m so worried about long-term damage. 😞
My wife is taking this super seriously and has already overhauled her diet (no added sugar, low carbs, extra protein and healthy fats), and started exercising more. We’ve both dieted before and know the drill. Emotionally she’s devastated by the diagnosis, especially because we were planning to TTC next month, and that’s likely delayed now. She’s motivated to get this controlled ASAP so that having a baby is still an option. And, I know this is a marathon and not a sprint, and I’m worried about burnout. She has a long history of (likely but undiagnosed) PCOS, obesity, binge eating, and avoidance of preventive medical care. (Ironically her weight is currently almost in a healthy range, thanks to 2 years of previously-unexplained weight loss, which no one besides me questioned - if you’re fat, weight loss is always the priority. 😑) I’m doing this with her, both to be supportive and because I’m concerned about my own IR (weight gain in the past year, fasting insulin was 17.5 in March despite having good FG and A1c, and last year my A1c was 5.7 so barely pre-D).
I know this is long, so I appreciate anyone who read this far. It’s been very overwhelming the last few days, and I feel like I need a “T2D spouse support group” already. I’m really hoping we can get her numbers down in the next few weeks and without having to add insulin.
submitted by ToEmpathyAndBeyond to diabetes_t2 [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 16:21 Several_Bag_1770 Am I doing enough?

Hi all! I think I am just looking for mostly reassurance at this point. Here is my situation (buckle up, this is a long one):
I was estranged from my biological father and his family from my teen years until about 2 years ago. Long story short, my parents got divorced when I was 2, my mom moved me out of state when she married my stepfather and I spent every summer in childhood visiting my father's family. For context, I am the only child of my father (my mom had other children from a later marriage, my half siblings, my father never had any more kids). Around my teen years, those visits stopped and I just kept in contact with my biological grandmother on my dad's side through the occasional letters over the years. I have a lot of resentment toward my parents for their poor decision making and how it's affected so much of how I act in my relationships as an adult. I have sought out therapy and am doing my best to recover.
In May of 2022, I received a phone call from my paternal grandma (who was 97 at the time), which was so unusual and very nerve-wracking because she never called me, we only communicated through letters. She told me that my father was very sick but couldn't give me many details. She was very hard of hearing and knew nothing about his illness except that it was a "blood disease." My father had been divorced 3 times and after the 3rd one, he moved in with my grandma and they were great friends. I think it was a good arrangement for them both. After that phone call, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching and decided that I should visit my father.
My husband (who never met this side of my family) visited my father and grandma later that month. I was shocked at their condition. My father never got up from his chair and looked so frail and sick. My grandma was actually in better health than him despite her age, but she still obviously couldn't care for him in his sickness. She could barely get up from her chair and was very unsteady walking around. I tried to get details from my father about his health but he was confused and unable to tell me anything concrete. But he did tell me that hospice was coming to see him the next day. So we came back the next day to be there when the hospice intake nurse came. He was even more confused the next day, couldn't spell his middle name or answer questions clearly. I did my best to answer questions (even though I barely knew him since we had been estranged for so long) and provided my phone number as a contact for them. It was all incredibly overwhelming. That meeting ended with my father wanting a little more time to think about it before being officially admitted to hospice. My husband and I went back home and I was overwhelmed about everything.
A few days later, I got a phone call from hospice. My father had reached a point where he was incontinent and belligerent and my grandma called the phone number on the card the hospice worker had left from her visit because she was desperate for help. I was suddenly thrust into a situation of trying to make decisions for a man I barely knew states away. It was obvious my 97 year old grandmother could no longer care for him at home, so he was taken to the hospital. I was able to talk with his doctor over the phone who told me that he had leukemia. The treatment he had been receiving was not working and he estimated that my father had 6 weeks to live. He would be admitted to an inpatient hospice facility until he died. I barely was able to process that because there was another huge issue: who is going to look after my grandma after he dies?
(A little more family background here: my father has an older brother who lives out of state. The two brothers never got along and from what I hear, my uncle had the tendency to rub people the wrong way. My uncle only communicated with his mother - my grandma - through the occasional birthday and Christmas card. That uncle has 2 kids, my cousins, who live in the same state as my uncle. The older cousin calls my grandma once in a while. My grandma has distant relatives who live about 45 minutes away and visit very occasionally.)
My husband and I talked a lot and I decided that I needed to go and stay with my grandma while my dad was in hospice. I was able to work remotely and so was my husband, so we made the drive back to my grandma's house and stayed with her, taking her to visit my dad every day, cooking, cleaning, etc.
My dad died on May 31, 2022, only about a week after he was admitted to hospice. I handled all the logistics and planning of the funeral. My grandma, who was totally competent mentally, was stone cold deaf and emotionally unable to handle any of it, so I was left to do everything, despite barely knowing him and not really having the chance to process my own very complicated grief at losing an estranged parent. Fortunately he had the wisdom to take out a life insurance policy years before with me as the beneficiary and I was able to pay for the funeral with that money.
And instead of his death being the end of something, it was the beginning of the most stressful time in my adult life. I spent day and night looking into care options for my grandma. We finally got her some hearing aides (something my father never thought to do for her I guess) and I spent hours on the internet, researching what is covered by Medicare, if she was eligible for Medicaid, etc. I called her state's agency for aging, multiple home health aide companies, the works. We had to go back to our home state to resume our lives, and all the while, my mental energy was spent on worrying about her and running through every option for care over and over again.
And here we are, TWO YEARS LATER. My grandma is now 99 years old at the end of this month. In May of last year, my husband very unexpectedly and heartbreakingly lost his job of 12 years. After that happened, we decided it was time to pick up our lives and move in with my grandma. While we were living in our state and she alone in hers after my dad died, I called her pretty much every day to check on her. I was constantly anxious and on edge. We visited her as much as we could but it is a long drive and we couldn't always put our lives on hold to visit her.
We moved in in December. And it has absolutely been one of the hardest times of my life. My husband and I are in dire straits financially (he is still struggling to find consistent work and my work is seasonal, we're just getting into my busy season but honestly, I don't make a lot of money). My grandma can still barely hear with her hearing aides in so I always have to raise my voice to talk to her and repeat myself multiple times. I spend hours of my time taking her to doctor's appointments (which is not an easy feat because she is wheelchair bound outside of the home), on the phone with doctors, picking up medicine, etc. I feel constant pressure to make sure she cared for. Overall she is a pleasant person but she is also a master of Italian Catholic guilt and passive aggressiveness. There is no one else to help us. I feel like I am slowly dying inside little by little every day.
So if you've made it this far, here is where I am looking for reassurance. We have to go back to our home state multiple times this summer for family obligations and my work (I am a wedding photographer and contracted to photograph weddings this summer back home). For example, at the end of May, we have to be gone for over 2 weeks to go to multiple graduations of nieces and nephews, open houses, etc. And I feel extremely guilty for leaving.
Here is more about my grandma and her current status for context:
Here are the things we have set in place to help care for her in our absence:
So my question is this: is this enough? Can I leave her and not feel guilty? I've spent countless hours and tears struggling with this question.
(Thank you to all of you who read all this and my prayers are with you on your own caregiving journeys!)
submitted by Several_Bag_1770 to CaregiverSupport [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 16:03 alphabetcarrotcake home health question

Hi everyone I have a nursing question I think I would like to be a hospice nurse eventually, I know a lot of those positions are home health. Are there safety measures in place if anything happens in the home? Curious how that works Thank you!
submitted by alphabetcarrotcake to nursing [link] [comments]


2024.05.13 15:17 quadraddo Preparing for MA - diet before procedure

I'm currently 8 weeks, waiting for my pills to arrive via mail. I've been in contact with a women's aid group nurse who is going to instruct me remotely during the process.
Ive been told to keep a strict diet that excludes everything but omelets, fish, vegetables and fruit (and water). I don't know any others who have done MA, and I'm not sure if this is correct. Has anyone been trough the same? I'm asking because the restricting eating is not a great match for the pregnancy symptoms, I'm constantly weak and dizzy
Because this procedure is not legal in my country, everything is done under a lot of secrecy wich is making me feel insecure even tho this a Non profit organization (they did made me pay for the pills)
Might delete this post later for safety
submitted by quadraddo to abortion [link] [comments]


http://rodzice.org/