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Yu-Gi-Oh!
2010.04.25 06:33 jack2454 Yu-Gi-Oh!
The subreddit for the Yu-Gi-Oh! card game, video games, anime and manga.
2014.07.01 01:59 mintberrycrunk "What have I done..."
Instant Regret (in'-stint rē-gret') n. a subreddit dedicated to deliberate actions that unexpectedly lead to undesirable consequences and horrible results; things which may cause someone to say, "oh man, did I just screw the pooch!"
2008.05.22 03:10 bicycling
Two wheels, or three, sometimes one, but never more than twenty. Interested in riding a bicycle? We welcome bicyclists of all skill levels including those who don't yet own a bike. Ask us your questions or meetup with other redditors in your area for local rides. Happy cycling!
2024.05.29 06:21 HotService6080 Should I call out my “friend” on her narcissistic behavior?
(I’m pretty pissed rn so i’m just blabbering and not sure if it will make sense). I (20f) met my friend group that consists of 5. I’ll be giving fake names, Danny, Ivan, Ivory and Daisy. I met them in my second semester of university. This particular “friend” Daisy specifically in the friend group stood out the most since she was the first one I became friends with and got along right away. We started hanging out more with the rest of the group 3rd semester (2nd year fall semester). At that time I was dating my boyfriend (still am) who is abroad right now, so I haven’t seen him for a while. They were aware about him and at that time I was already dealing with a sh*tty roommate, so I was hanging out their dorm constantly. But once 3rd semester came around then we started spending Fridays and Saturdays at Daisy’s dorm. Keep in mind my dorm was a 25 min walk and near a forest and I would get home usually around 12am. Those days we chose to hang out we got high together and it became our norm. Somewhere in late September and Early October I started having really serious issues with my boyfriend and he honestly wasn’t treating me well at that time and I told my friends, because he brought up the plan of marriage and I was hesitant when the group asked me if I really wanted to marry him. Late October I was telling Daisy about it and she told me its best to break things off with him and how she did the same with her ex boyfriend because he was bad for her, and I’m pretty sure she says she misses him (but yeah I kinda forgot). I really didn’t want to breakup with him but I knew I needed to cut him off, so I got home at midnight and called him and broke up with him and instantly regret it. I was already dealing with so much other shit and I almost una****d my self after. But plans didn’t work so I kept my mouth shut. (I’ll get to the point I promise.) Late December I got news that a contract i signed over a year ago with a friend whose father owned a business offered me a job meaning I was going to move to another country. ( I ended up changing the contact for a later year) I would be super close to my boyfriend and I was pretty hesitant since so much had changed and I called my boyfriend who was my ex at that time and told him everything and we talked for a while. Long story short we missed each other a lot and we acknowledged that we both did terrible stuff but in the end if we worked it out together then our relationship could work. We set boundaries and rules for us to follow and we are currently together and I’m really happy right now. I didn’t tell my friends about me getting back with him because I knew they would be upset which I understand. I told Ivory first in late March and I asked for her to be understanding that he changed and she was upset but told me that she’ll always support me and be there for me which I needed to hear. Daisy didn’t find out until 2 weeks before my birthday and Daisy was super pissed at me and ever since she was cold and rude, ending all the convos with the gc that replied to me with periods. Since January I’ve noticed that Daisy would be pretty rude and only think about herself mainly and not the rest of us. There would be some days where I would ask if we can hang out at my place instead and I would always hear the same thing how my place was too far and that it’ll be late when they leave which did annoy me a lot since that was exactly how I went home. I walked back home a lot at midnight, ALONE and high. The 2 times they had came over they all left as a group since Daisy, Ivan and Danny lived in the same building and they would drop off Ivory on the way, while I was the only one who lived the furthest. When we would hang out at Daisy’s place she would ask what we wanted to watch we give ideas and would usually 85% of the time say no to our suggestions and pick the movies she wanted to watch instead. None of us have cars so we rented zipcars and I noticed a while after that when it was only convenient for her and when she was the one who needed groceries then she would text us like the day before or the day and sometimes an hour or so before of whenever she needed to run errands and when we weren’t able too then she would get mad. But when it came to us asking if we can go then she didn’t want too or was low on money which that one i understand. She would get pissed or annoyed a lot at Ivory for being herself sometimes, which honestly imo it pissed me off so much for the way how Daisy was with her. I slowly started distancing myself from the group for a while since I had my own shit going on and I was getting overwhelmed with it. My breaking point was when 2 weeks before my birthday Daisy found out about my boyfriend and went radio silent with me and was ignoring me in the gc and I remember her reposting posts on insta that were targeting me. I sound selfish but I was really looking forward to my birthday, but a week before my birthday I got a call that my mom was in the hospital and I was 12 hours away from her and I was an emotional wreck because I was just hearing she was dying. I didn’t tell my friends about it. I was FaceTiming my boyfriend and crying to him because I felt so alone and needed someone, but I figured celebrating with my friends would kind of help distract me. Since a lot of uni students were doing “peacefully protests”, my campus was shut down and there were many cops on campus and we werent allowed back on campus or else we would get arrested or idk. But the day before my birthday Ivory texted me saying (copied and pasted) “Daisy and Netty would have to walk across campus for it and I asked if there was a way to cancel it still and Dulce said yeah and I was like I don’t want yall to get arrested and then Dulce is being weird and was like “then we’ll cancel it problem solved” and long story short the car has been cancelled”. The plan was that we were going to rent a zipcar and get jack in the box and dutch and then head over to Daisy’s dorm (which i didn’t want and asked if we can maybe do it at my place) and just hang out. But I really didn’t feel like walking 30 minutes back to my dorm (since I couldn’t walk through campus and had to go around). But I’m not sure it just got confusing and in the end everything was canceled and being sad was an understatement. I was really sad about it because it would be my first birthday party with a group of friends who I thought were my actual friends. The day of my birthday and got myself a tiny cake and celebrated by myself in my dorm. Ever since my “amazing” birthday I was just depressed and figured it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life. ( I had other problems with my life besides them.) Right before school ended i texted the gc that I was leaving and never coming back and I miss Ivory because she was a really good friend and I miss her a lot.. can’t say much about Daisy because today I posted an instagram story note saying “(uni name) is is greedy and mean just like em. glad im gone” i got sent a letter saying how the school was asking me to pay the remaining medical bill which was like 144$ and idk it just reminded me of the many rude people i came across on my campus. I wasn’t directing it at her until she posted her own insta note and it said “ that’s so crazy, not my fault your delusional” which i know was directed at me. I want to text her and call her out for her the stuff she had done and tell her to grow up. But I’m not sure if I should just block her and move on. I kind of need closure and advice on how to handle the situation.
submitted by HotService6080 to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 06:21 knowingcynic This has been the longest week of my life
I lost my beloved cat, Edie, a week ago. And it feels like an eternity.
Back in January, I had to leave my grad school and move back in with my parents in my home state following some medical problems where my only treatment options were in my hometown. I took 9 year old Edie with me and did everything I knew to do to make the adjustment easier on her.
Right away, she started having problems with vomiting and urinating/defecating around the house. In February, I took her to the local vet, who ran bloodwork and a fecal test. They said she was probably just anxious but prescribed some antibiotics and an antidiarrheal in case she had an infection of some sort. Edie got somewhat better but continued having issues urinating/defecating outside the litter box. We changed her litter to a fragrance free formula and her food to a sensitive stomacblh formula in hopes it would help, but nothing changed.
All the while, my own health has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Edie stopped sleeping upstairs with me. Then she stopped coming upstairs at all. I avoided being downstairs at all costs. Edie ate and ate but continued to lose weight. My mom said she was worried about Edie, but I assured her the vet said she was fine.
Last Monday, Edie climbed upstairs and snuggled with me for a long time. That night, she collapsed while walking, and we rushed her to emergency vet. Over the course of five months, Edie had dropped from 7 lbs to 2.98 lbs, and her bloodwork showed she was in septic shock. I made the decision to put Edie to sleep, and she died in my arms, away from her home. The vet said Edie probably had cancer even before I adopted her.
I feel like a terrible pet parent. I LOVED that cat. She got me through two family deaths and nearly attempting suicide twice. She slept on my bed; she had everything I knew to give her. I only had her for 18 months, but I loved her like I've never loved anything or anyone before. I feel so hurt and angry. How could I have let my baby go through that? Why didn't I take her to the vet sooner? I was so focused on my own health that I didn't notice Edie getting sicker.
I miss my baby so much. I'd give anything to have her back. My mom made me get a new cat two days ago. He's sweet, but all I feel is a hole in my heart. I want to love him, but all I feel is that it should be Edie with me instead of this new cat.
This week has been hell. My doctor prescribed sedatives just to get me through the nights without her. Every little thing reminds me of my baby, and my mom is actively getting rid of or putting away Edie's things. I wish I could make people understand how goddamn painful it is. How much I'm hurting. I keep breaking down crying over little things. Today it was finding out the color I picked for Edie's urn is the same color as my favorite music box.
I don't want to keep feeling this way. Everything feels so big and everything is moving too fast. This has been the longest week of my life, and I just want Edie here. Words can't describe how much I loved ny baby and how much I miss her.
submitted by knowingcynic to Petloss [link] [comments]
Back in January, I had to leave my grad school and move back in with my parents in my home state following some medical problems where my only treatment options were in my hometown. I took 9 year old Edie with me and did everything I knew to do to make the adjustment easier on her.
Right away, she started having problems with vomiting and urinating/defecating around the house. In February, I took her to the local vet, who ran bloodwork and a fecal test. They said she was probably just anxious but prescribed some antibiotics and an antidiarrheal in case she had an infection of some sort. Edie got somewhat better but continued having issues urinating/defecating outside the litter box. We changed her litter to a fragrance free formula and her food to a sensitive stomacblh formula in hopes it would help, but nothing changed.
All the while, my own health has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Edie stopped sleeping upstairs with me. Then she stopped coming upstairs at all. I avoided being downstairs at all costs. Edie ate and ate but continued to lose weight. My mom said she was worried about Edie, but I assured her the vet said she was fine.
Last Monday, Edie climbed upstairs and snuggled with me for a long time. That night, she collapsed while walking, and we rushed her to emergency vet. Over the course of five months, Edie had dropped from 7 lbs to 2.98 lbs, and her bloodwork showed she was in septic shock. I made the decision to put Edie to sleep, and she died in my arms, away from her home. The vet said Edie probably had cancer even before I adopted her.
I feel like a terrible pet parent. I LOVED that cat. She got me through two family deaths and nearly attempting suicide twice. She slept on my bed; she had everything I knew to give her. I only had her for 18 months, but I loved her like I've never loved anything or anyone before. I feel so hurt and angry. How could I have let my baby go through that? Why didn't I take her to the vet sooner? I was so focused on my own health that I didn't notice Edie getting sicker.
I miss my baby so much. I'd give anything to have her back. My mom made me get a new cat two days ago. He's sweet, but all I feel is a hole in my heart. I want to love him, but all I feel is that it should be Edie with me instead of this new cat.
This week has been hell. My doctor prescribed sedatives just to get me through the nights without her. Every little thing reminds me of my baby, and my mom is actively getting rid of or putting away Edie's things. I wish I could make people understand how goddamn painful it is. How much I'm hurting. I keep breaking down crying over little things. Today it was finding out the color I picked for Edie's urn is the same color as my favorite music box.
I don't want to keep feeling this way. Everything feels so big and everything is moving too fast. This has been the longest week of my life, and I just want Edie here. Words can't describe how much I loved ny baby and how much I miss her.
2024.05.29 06:20 Count-Daring243 Best 30Mm Cantilever Mount
 | submitted by Count-Daring243 to u/Count-Daring243 [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/mhu3nmvnka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8d1190501d20c5165d3a0b707061eb1fa082e63b Are you in search of an efficient and reliable cantilever mount for your latest project or venture? Look no further! In this roundup article, we'll be taking a close look at the top 30mm cantilever mounts on the market. Get ready to explore the features, benefits, and specifications of these mounts, and discover the perfect fit for your needs. Let's dive right in! The Top 19 Best 30Mm Cantilever Mount
Reviews🔗Quick-Transition 30mm QD Optic Mounthttps://preview.redd.it/i126g2goka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=305cd1872f9ba57d531a59eeaaaa9fd2c8e12348 Whenever I hit the range with my trusty Super Precision 30mm optic mount, I've grown to rely on the Reptilia ROF-90 30mm APNT Micro. With its drop-in upgrade, I've found it a reliable addition for my tactical setup. This 30mm quick detach scope mount offers a mounting point at 90 degrees, allowing for a swift transition to my AIMPOINT Micro when I need to engage at close range. It's a versatile piece of gear that's never let me down. 🔗High-Quality 30mm QD Scope Mount with Anodized Finishhttps://preview.redd.it/zw3axnroka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eff6d0a28c5b1bb12bee2fb2d94e099f8c2f204f AUS Mount from Reptilia, for 30mm diameter magnified optics, is a beautifully crafted piece of machinery. This product is the result of a 2-year development program and it truly shows in its design and functionality. The finish, an Anodized Flat Dark Earth, gives it a sleek look that blends well with various M1913 Picatinny rails it can be attached to. This AUS Mount stands out due to the custom bolt mounting system with an anti-snag, spring-loaded, nitrided steel clamp. The clamp can be tightened using either a 5/32 hex or a flat blade driver for a low-profile, streamline design. The single piece of billet 7075-T6 aluminum, which it is made from, is further enhanced with the MIL-STD Type III Class 2 hard anodize coating. The AUS Mount is compatible with all of Reptilia's existing 30mm ROF line and will also work with several new ROF products launching soon. Despite its robust build and advanced tech, it is surprisingly lightweight and compatible with different optic configurations. While there is no denying the AUS Mount's capabilities and aesthetic appeal, users might still find the price a bit steep. Overall, this product is worth the price tag for those who prioritize high precision, durability, and a stylish touch in their magnified optics. 🔗Trijicon Q-LOC 30mm Cantilever Scope Mount with Black Anodized Finishhttps://preview.redd.it/868ai74pka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c22b8c36fe69a7357a0b5b409c14f21aab965c6 As a reviewer, I tested the Trijicon Cantilever Mount, Q-Loc, 30mm, Anodized Finish, Black, 1.93" Bore Height AC22051. It impressed me right off the bat with its sleek black anodized finish, which perfectly blended with my riflescope. This mount is solid and secure, providing a dependable hold even when I took aim under recoil. Yet, it stands out for its quick-release function. With a simple quarter-turn motion, I was able to detach and re-attach it effortlessly. The Q-Loc feature makes it incredibly convenient for frequent adjustments or storage. The Trijicon Cantilever Mount does have one downside: it's slightly heavier than some of its competitors. But overall, it was a reliable and functional addition to my setup. 🔗Portable Articulating Arm Wall Mount for 32" LCD TVshttps://preview.redd.it/9g26liipka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e02032c2dae8944e7842a40158465ffbb6c4b74c Imagine having a TV mount that doesn't just hold your screen in place, but also brings your entertainment to new heights. Master Mounts' Portable Cantilever Articulating Arm Wall Mount is the epitome of functionality and elegance, fitting perfectly in any home or office setting. One of the most impressive features of this wall mount is its full motion capabilities. It adjusts to the perfect viewing angle, ensuring that you don't miss a single detail in your favorite shows or movies. But it's not just about convenience; the clean, contemporary design seamlessly blends with any decor, elevating the aesthetic of your space. Designed to fit TVs up to 37" with a VESA pattern up to 100x100, this wall mount can hold screens weighing up to 25 pounds. Plus, its unique design allows you to slide the articulating arm with the LCD screen attached onto another mounted wall bracket, giving you the flexibility to enjoy your screen in different locations throughout your home or office. However, be prepared for some assembly and installation. While the wall mount itself doesn't require any additional tools, you'll need a power drill and screwdriver for the installation process. And remember, you'll need an extra bracket to use this mount style in two separate places. Overall, the Master Mounts Portable Cantilever Articulating Arm Wall Mount is a game-changer for those looking for versatility and style in their TV mounting solution. So, say goodbye to watching TV in the same old spot and embrace the convenience of the ultimate entertainment accessory. 🔗Durable 50-Pound Capacity Cantilever Storage Rack Bracketshttps://preview.redd.it/2j9jbxvpka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=36163b7207e8e9bf915aabedb7145c7c0de9af51 These Cantilever brackets are a game-changer for any storage solution. Made of strong and sturdy steel, they can effortlessly hold up to 50 pounds each, fitting seamlessly onto Dewalt storage racks. The locking pins ensure secure attachment, even when stacking heavy materials. Their removable design allows for easy adjustment of height, and the end stops keep your belongings from rolling off the rack. The best part? . They're compatible with other brands too, a feature that sets them apart. 🔗Rack Mount Cantilever Shelf for 19" Standard Equipmenthttps://preview.redd.it/i2pq3iaqka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4fffd0f2bce7bd4ce440b5cc3807b79d3deb76de As a tech enthusiast, I've had the pleasure of using the Raising Electronics Cantilever Server Shelf Rack Mount in my daily life. The 19-inch cantilever shelf easily fit my tower units, monitors, and other equipment, ensuring a tidy and organized workspace. The aluminum construction is both lightweight and durable, making it a perfect addition to my home office. One aspect I loved about this shelf is its cold-rolled steel construction combined with a powder coated finish. This not only adds to its sleek appearance but also protects it from rust and corrosion, ensuring it stays looking as good as new for a long time. With a maximum load capacity of 25LB, I had no issues mounting it securely on my 19-inch standard rack mount rack or cabinet. Despite its heavy-duty capacity, the cantilever shelf remains easy to install, thanks to its versatile and customizable nature. While the design is minimalistic and understated, it never compromises on functionality. Overall, the Raising Electronics Cantilever Server Shelf Rack Mount is a reliable, stylish, and practical solution for all your rack mount needs. 🔗Versatile Cantilever Desk Riser for Comfortable Workspace Adjustmentshttps://preview.redd.it/nl1yh4qqka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2323e991a19b8fc5f185ea4e31ab1665a4940f94 As someone who spends long hours at my desk, the Lorell Cantilever Desk Riser has been a game-changer for me. It features two separate platforms that keep my monitor and keyboard in a comfortable position, which has greatly reduced strain on my back and neck. The easy-to-use design allows for quick height adjustments, making it perfect for going from a seated position to standing. One of the things that stood out the most to me is how the desk riser doesn't take up too much space on my desk, unlike some other models I've tried. It's only 25 inches wide, which is perfect for accommodating my iMac 21-inch without any issues. The height-adjustable feature has also been really helpful in allowing me to enjoy the health benefits of standing while I work. Overall, I couldn't be happier with this purchase and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a versatile and comfortable desk riser. 🔗Black Steel Wall Mount Cantilever Table Base for Large Tables (26" x 26")https://preview.redd.it/ntpgqgarka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1204c6bbd860d105ee060d34f87e7d0451c629d After adding the Flat Tech CL2626281A Wall Mount Cantilever Table Base to my dining area, I must say it has made a significant improvement in the overall appearance of the room. The 26" x 26" base is perfect for holding a table that's up to 38 inches by 38 inches, providing stability while still maintaining the aesthetic appeal. The black powder-coated finish has been a wonderful feature, as it resists scratches and chips, ensuring a clean look in my home. However, even though it has a durable steel construction, I found that it could have been a bit taller to accommodate a larger table without any issues. But overall, this versatile and stylish wall mount has been a great addition to my dining space, making me feel proud of the functional and attractive design in my home. 🔗Medium-Duty Cantilever Rack with Adjustable Incline Armshttps://preview.redd.it/vtggn6nrka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5cb86318c78a461acfb68528ba5b4edfd4f8871f As a DIY enthusiast, I recently tried the Vestil MIA-C-30 Medium Cantilever Incline Arm, and it has completely transformed my workspace. With its adjustable incline arms, it's become a breeze to store those hard-to-reach items off the ground. The 30-inch arm length fits perfectly in my limited space, and the steel frame construction gives me the durability that I need. The 500-pound capacity per arm is more than enough for my bar stock and tubing. The only downside is that it's not the most affordable option on the market, but its functionality and strength make it a worthwhile investment. 🔗Integy CF Steering Servo Mount for Crawler Axleshttps://preview.redd.it/chbcxl3ska3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=179724fff62b98569ef99603d23041e731245374 I recently had the opportunity to test out the Integy CF Steering Servo Mount for Crawler Axles with 30mm mounting holes. This robust little gadget impressed me from the get-go with its sleek design and sturdy build. The 30mm mounting holes make it versatile and compatible with a variety of crawler axles. One of the features that stood out to me is the cantilever mount, which provides a secure and precise connection between the steering servo and the crawler axle. This not only ensures smooth and efficient movement, but also adds a touch of elegance to the overall setup. However, I did notice that the installation process could be a bit more streamlined. A few users have mentioned that the screw holes could be more accurately aligned, which would make installation a breeze. But overall, this mount is a solid choice for anyone looking to upgrade their crawler axle steering servo setup. 🔗High-Quality 30MM Cantilever Mount for Marine Accessorieshttps://preview.redd.it/7gj87ngska3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa2077dc278f008035816326b410ecf3bdbbadbc As a sailor, the importance of having a reliable and secure autopilot system cannot be overstated. So when it came time to replace the mounting socket for my autopilot, I decided to give the Raymarine Cantilever Mounting Socket a try. The high-grade design stood out to me and, after a few weeks of using it, I can confidently say that it delivered on its promise of extended lifespan. One of the things that impressed me most during my first installation was how easy it was to fit on my autopilot. The 30mm cantilever hole was perfect, and with a simple cut and a few twists, the socket was securely in place. I also appreciated the sturdy design, which gave me the confidence that my autopilot would hold up during even the roughest sea conditions. However, there were a few minor drawbacks as well. After my first use, I had a bit of trouble with the mounting system. Even though the included epoxy was effective in securing the cap, I faced some difficulty getting rid of captured air. Eventually, I found a workaround that involved leaving some of the glue-free while inserting the cap, but I wouldn't say it was ideal. Overall, I'm satisfied with my purchase of the Raymarine Cantilever Mounting Socket. It's a well-engineered product that delivers a rock-solid performance, and while it's priced a bit higher than some alternatives, it's worth it for the peace of mind it provides. 🔗Heavy-Duty Cantilever Rack for Efficient Material Handlinghttps://preview.redd.it/1tc8nxyska3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b220884ad543cd2708f111a9250dde31060f3cf In my line of work, I often find myself dealing with heavy and bulky materials that need to be properly stowed away in the warehouse. That's why when I heard about the Vestil HSA-C-30 Cantilever Rack, I knew it was right up my alley. The first thing that caught my eye was its adjustable design, which provided me with the added flexibility I needed. Whether I had a single piece or a full load, this rack made it easy for me to align the arms perfectly. The pre-drilled holes and included hardware made the process even more streamlined, ensuring that my materials were safe and secure. One of the features that really stood out was the lips on the rack, which prevented any products from falling off. This little detail made a big difference in ensuring that my materials stayed in place, even under heavy loads. Of course, no product is without its drawbacks. For me, the one downside was the color, which was a bit loud for my taste. However, this is a minor detail that didn't affect the functionality or durability of the rack. Overall, the Vestil HSA-C-30 Cantilever Rack has been a lifesaver in my warehouse. Its versatility, durability, and customizable options have made it the go-to product for handling long, heavy materials. I highly recommend it to anyone looking to keep their workplace organized and efficient. 🔗Adjustable Rear Cantilever Brake for Cyclinghttps://preview.redd.it/sywx57gtka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8e4bdf6a676857f1949d8680d4f3bd7b8612c6aa I recently had the chance to use the Shimano Altus CT91 Rear Cantilever Brake with Link Wire during a grueling mountain bike ride. After struggling with my previous brakes, these new ones made a world of difference. The adjustable brake toe and spring tension provided me with peace of mind when braking, especially during those high-speed descents. One of the things that stood out to me was the straddle wire inclusion. I found myself adjusting it frequently during my ride, which allowed me to fine-tune the brake tension to my liking. The Shimano Reference Number, BR-CT91, also showed me that this was a quality product that would last. Despite the overall positive experience, I did face a few minor issues. The installation process was a bit longer than I would've liked, and the straddle wire needed some fine-tuning to prevent any unwanted noises or vibrations. However, these issues were easily overcome, and the product's sturdiness and stopping power truly shone through. In conclusion, the Shimano Altus CT91 Rear Cantilever Brake with Link Wire proved to be an excellent choice for my mountain bike. Its adjustability, durability, and ease of installation made it a win for me, despite those minor hiccups during setup. 🔗Sturdy 30Mm Cantilever Mount for TVs (14-30 inches)https://preview.redd.it/jkzk02stka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed46f38285dffd6ac5224b74459d5d02b5e0d477 As a reviewer, I've been using the InstallerCCTV Universal Cantilever Wall Mount for my TV for quite some time now, and my experience with it has been nothing short of satisfying. Made of heavy-duty aluminum and steel, this mount is incredibly sturdy, providing reliable strength to hold up to 45 pounds, no matter the type of television I use. One of my favorite features is its compatibility with a wide range of TV sizes, including LED, LCD, OLED, and flat panel TVs from 14 to 30 inches. The full-motion design allows for easy manual adjustments, enabling me to find the perfect angle for an optimal viewing experience. The package comes with everything I need, including a user manual and hardware pack, making it a hassle-free setup process. However, one area where it falls short is the bubble level. It doesn't come included with the mount, so users might need to purchase it separately or rely on their own tools for ensuring a perfectly balanced positioning. Nonetheless, this minor inconvenience hasn't detracted from my overall positive experience with the InstallerCCTV Universal Cantilever Wall Mount. It truly is a reliable and user-friendly choice for any TV enthusiast. Buyer's GuideA 30mm Cantilever Mount, also known as a cantilever bracket or mount, is a type of hardware that is commonly used to support items such as shelves, railings, or other components. These mounts are designed to be strong, stable, and flexible, making them an excellent choice for a wide range of applications. In this guide, we will discuss the key features and considerations when choosing a 30mm Cantilever Mount, as well as some general advice for using them. https://preview.redd.it/nlfo6lewka3d1.jpg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9b169a031c2bc19c1c1bc90edf94fc904a4ba8fa Materials and ConstructionWhen it comes to 30mm Cantilever Mounts, the materials and construction play a crucial role in their performance and durability. Some common materials used in the production of these mounts include high-grade steel, aluminum, and stainless steel. The choice of material will depend on the specific application, as well as factors such as resistance to corrosion, strength, and weight.The construction of the mount should also be taken into consideration. Look for mounts that have been designed using sturdy and robust manufacturing techniques, ensuring that the components are securely joined and can withstand the stresses and strain of regular use. Load CapacityOne of the most important factors to consider when choosing a 30mm Cantilever Mount is the load capacity. This refers to the amount of weight that the mount can safely support before it may become damaged or fail.Ensure that the mount you choose has a load capacity that is suitable for the specific application and the weight it will be expected to support. 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2024.05.29 06:19 Wild-Level-9822 Things in My New Apartment are Getting Weird 4; Wanna Open It?
Hey everyone, firstly I wanna say thank you for the support I'm getting talking about all this. I've mentioned it already but it really does help me feel less crazy just being able to dump this all on someone and not feel like I'm going to have to go to a mental hospital or something. I also meant to post this update earlier today, but my internet was acting strange and would let me do anything with it all day. Finally was able to post using the internet at work and I hope a few things that happened in this story will explain some stuff, or maybe just raise more questions. Who knows at this point.
One thing that's helped besides trauma dumping here is a friend I have here asked me to a lake nearby to hang out for Memorial Day. Of course with everything going on here, I was more than happy to accept. If not just to get away for a while. We had a great day, beers, swimming, finally seeing some people I knew were real again. The whole past weekend or so has been a lot and some sense of normalcy really helped my nerves. It still all weighed on the back of my mind though. The man with the box, the key, the screams and knocking. Especially Macy. Maybe some part of me just wanted to brush off our last weird text interaction and see her again. Maybe some part, I'd say the bigger part, just wanted to figure out if she's related to this somehow.
When I got back last night, it was the same as always. Not a single person around. Again I wanna be clear, there's a ton of cars in the parking lot, like to the point I have trouble finding a spot close to my building door. And obviously I've seen the man with the box and Macy, so I know there's definitely people that live here. But nobody around, except them of course. I guess this time it could've just been the fact I got home late. Still... it gives me chills the deeper I think about it.
I made my way up the stairs to my apartment, the echoing of my footsteps through the stairwell emphasizing to me just how alone I was. Back inside, I unconsciously threw my own keys on my counter right next to the key from before and it really all came flooding back. But I'm trying to stay level headed. Regardless, to try to keep it from sending me over the edge, I slid it away from mine and haphazardly threw a notebook nearby on top of it to block it from view. I went out to my balcony and lit a cigarette. What I had initially thought was going to be the end to the night.
Leaning on the railing, I let the nicotine calm me back down. Across the street I noticed house lights here and there shutting off, other folks calling it a night too as the holiday came to an end. As I finished and put it out in the, admittedly overly full ashtray, I noticed the mark on the small rug I placed out there from the coffee Macy spilled. I got it right after the box incident to cover the scratches from that in the concrete. The stain was right where the scratches would've been and I had a strange thought. I whipped out my phone and fumbled to turn the flashlight on. Once it was, I lifted the rug and shined the concrete underneath. The scratches were completely gone as if they, or even the box, had never been there.
As I stared in confusion, I got a text message. My heart skipped a beat and I dropped both the rug and my phone, luckily not losing it off the balcony. I snapped myself back to reality and picked it back up to check. It was Macy. After about a full minute of contemplation, I opened it.
"Hey I saw you get home," she had written. How? How on earth did she see me get home? I'm hyper vigilant for anyone, anyone at all I can see whenever coming or going given the circumstances, and I definitely didn't see her anywhere. The more rational part of my brain reminded me she came to my apartment, I hadn't any idea which one she lived in so maybe her window faced the parking lot and she had seen me that way. Even that though, what are the chances she would see me get back right when I did and text so soon after unless she had been watching for me already? I didn't know if that was flattering or another thing I should be worried about. On top of that, her last other text I could still see right above this one made me more sure that something was going on.
I immediately went into investigation mode. "Oh hey, yea lol I've been out with a friend all day," I replied. My whole goal now was to try to seem casual and see if I could pull something out of her to figure out just what the hell is happening here. I wasn't going to ask her about the last text, I certainly wasn't going to bring up the screaming or knocking. I had to navigate this carefully.
"Oh fun! How was it?" This is getting even stranger, she seemed more casual than I was actively trying to be. Granted I barely knew this girl, this didn't sound like the one I met. But I'm not stopping here.
"It was fun yea, I'm a bit exhausted haha," I tried not to leave it open for her to actually have a reason to come over. I was actually tired, but now I wanted answers and wasn't looking to have anymore weird incidences right now. Despite not wanting any though, I'm sure you can tell I wouldn't be writing this if they didn't happen.
"Good!" another out of character response.
As chill as possible, I replied, "So how was your day? Anything interesting?" Doing my best to pry at some sort of evidence or answers or something. I regret sending it now, what she said next just made me more worried. I should've just ignored my phone and went to bed.
"Yea I met a really nice guy in the building, he's cool we should all hang out sometime" I know exactly who she's talking about, I'm sure you know exactly who she's talking about. Now I couldn't stop myself.
"Did he give you anything?" Dammit. I hit send before thinking. That was definitely too much and too abrupt. At best I sound like a weirdo or like I was about to get jealous. At worse I was gonna get the answer I didn't want. The answer I expected as badly as I didn't want to.
"Lol yea actually how'd you know? He left a box with a really nice note sometime after he left. It's supposed to be a gift, but I don't really get it." I should've ended the conversation right there and just come up with a reason in the morning why. But I felt like the puzzle pieces were close to fitting together. Unfortunately, I was right.
I felt I was getting obsessed. "Really? So you opened it?"
"Yea there was like an old jewelry box inside, I think he forgot the key though, it's locked" I knew what would open it. I slowly looked to the spot on the counter where the key was. Still covered by the notebook. I went over to it and placed my hand on the notebook. When I did though I was jump scared again by the slam of a door. Rather, not a door slamming shut but the way it sounds when someone opens it hard and it bangs into the wall. Clearly coming from the hallway. Then another, then another. I heard this over and over again getting further and further away until finally it stopped. I wish I never walked out to investigate but like I said, I was obsessed now and just had to know. I cautiously, quietly as possible, opened my door and peered out.
Every single door down to the opposite end of the hall was wide open. I'd like to say I was relieved, finally seeing some sign of the other apartments being occupied. But because every one, at least that I could see, was pitch black inside, it still wasn't evidence per se. Until I started seeing hands.
Out of the next door apartment, almost coyly, someone's hand slowly stuck out and started waving. I started walking towards it. Looking back now it was like I was in a trance. I just had to see. I had to see what was in the apartment. As soon as I got close enough to actually try to see inside proper, the hand yanked back inside and the door slammed back shut, immediately followed by a quick series of angry knocks from the other side of the door. Then I noticed another hand coming out of the next apartment. Waving.
Picking up my pace now, I walked towards this apartment door. But the same thing happened before I got close enough. The door slammed shut and a quick set of the same aggressive knocks followed. This process repeated over and over the same way all the way down the hall as I kept walking faster until I was jogging. I had to see inside one of these apartments. But every time. Hand. Wave. Slam. Knocks.
That happened until I reached the end of the hall, where noticeably, no hand came out of the last apartment. I stopped in my tracks. Anxiously I started towards this last door. It was pitch black like the rest, but in the doorway, someone was standing there. It was Macy.
She was facing into the apartment away from me and she seemed off. Not the way she was acting, I mean obviously pulling a Blair Witch in the doorway was off, don't get me wrong. I mean there was something off about the way she looked. She looked taller...her hands looked bigger...her shoulders looked broader. "M-Macy?" I tried to get her attention. She slowly turned around and I noticed her looked different too. Bigger like the rest of the things that seemed off about her now, but I recognized those eyes. I couldn't forget those eyes if I wanted to. Ever since I saw them in the parking lot. Ever since I saw them from balcony. And there they were again, just staring again.
Macy began a slow smile. Wider and wider until she looked even stranger than she already did. I started backing away. She stepped out and turned. Now standing still in the hallway with the same expression and strange features. She didn't follow me but I didn't dare take my eyes away off her until I got to the other end of the hall and to my apartment. Still looking at her standing like a statue, I patted around my door until I found the handle. Slipping inside as quick as possible, I locked the door. The screaming started again.
I could tell where it was coming from exactly now though. It was coming from down the hall where I left Macy. And it was getting closer. Slowly but surely making its way to my end of the hall. I grabbed my gun, terrified at what might come next. Louder and louder, I heard this blood curdling scream until it was right outside my door. I raised my gun, but just as suddenly as it started, it completely stopped. Next thing I heard was my phone vibrate. Still watching for what might happen at the door, I checked my phone. It was Macy...
"Wanna open it?"
I didn't even think about texting her back. I stayed up for a long long time the rest of the night, but that text seemed to top off the night's events as nothing else happened. The day at the lake and then everything I had just been through had me wiped out and eventually I couldn't stay awake. I the time I was awake I was too freaked to write any update, so that's what I'm doing now while the memory is still fresh. I ended up taking a double and letting my evening shift run into a night shift. Hopefully, I'll get some ideas on what to do next after I spend a night or two away from that place.
submitted by Wild-Level-9822 to creepypasta [link] [comments]
One thing that's helped besides trauma dumping here is a friend I have here asked me to a lake nearby to hang out for Memorial Day. Of course with everything going on here, I was more than happy to accept. If not just to get away for a while. We had a great day, beers, swimming, finally seeing some people I knew were real again. The whole past weekend or so has been a lot and some sense of normalcy really helped my nerves. It still all weighed on the back of my mind though. The man with the box, the key, the screams and knocking. Especially Macy. Maybe some part of me just wanted to brush off our last weird text interaction and see her again. Maybe some part, I'd say the bigger part, just wanted to figure out if she's related to this somehow.
When I got back last night, it was the same as always. Not a single person around. Again I wanna be clear, there's a ton of cars in the parking lot, like to the point I have trouble finding a spot close to my building door. And obviously I've seen the man with the box and Macy, so I know there's definitely people that live here. But nobody around, except them of course. I guess this time it could've just been the fact I got home late. Still... it gives me chills the deeper I think about it.
I made my way up the stairs to my apartment, the echoing of my footsteps through the stairwell emphasizing to me just how alone I was. Back inside, I unconsciously threw my own keys on my counter right next to the key from before and it really all came flooding back. But I'm trying to stay level headed. Regardless, to try to keep it from sending me over the edge, I slid it away from mine and haphazardly threw a notebook nearby on top of it to block it from view. I went out to my balcony and lit a cigarette. What I had initially thought was going to be the end to the night.
Leaning on the railing, I let the nicotine calm me back down. Across the street I noticed house lights here and there shutting off, other folks calling it a night too as the holiday came to an end. As I finished and put it out in the, admittedly overly full ashtray, I noticed the mark on the small rug I placed out there from the coffee Macy spilled. I got it right after the box incident to cover the scratches from that in the concrete. The stain was right where the scratches would've been and I had a strange thought. I whipped out my phone and fumbled to turn the flashlight on. Once it was, I lifted the rug and shined the concrete underneath. The scratches were completely gone as if they, or even the box, had never been there.
As I stared in confusion, I got a text message. My heart skipped a beat and I dropped both the rug and my phone, luckily not losing it off the balcony. I snapped myself back to reality and picked it back up to check. It was Macy. After about a full minute of contemplation, I opened it.
"Hey I saw you get home," she had written. How? How on earth did she see me get home? I'm hyper vigilant for anyone, anyone at all I can see whenever coming or going given the circumstances, and I definitely didn't see her anywhere. The more rational part of my brain reminded me she came to my apartment, I hadn't any idea which one she lived in so maybe her window faced the parking lot and she had seen me that way. Even that though, what are the chances she would see me get back right when I did and text so soon after unless she had been watching for me already? I didn't know if that was flattering or another thing I should be worried about. On top of that, her last other text I could still see right above this one made me more sure that something was going on.
I immediately went into investigation mode. "Oh hey, yea lol I've been out with a friend all day," I replied. My whole goal now was to try to seem casual and see if I could pull something out of her to figure out just what the hell is happening here. I wasn't going to ask her about the last text, I certainly wasn't going to bring up the screaming or knocking. I had to navigate this carefully.
"Oh fun! How was it?" This is getting even stranger, she seemed more casual than I was actively trying to be. Granted I barely knew this girl, this didn't sound like the one I met. But I'm not stopping here.
"It was fun yea, I'm a bit exhausted haha," I tried not to leave it open for her to actually have a reason to come over. I was actually tired, but now I wanted answers and wasn't looking to have anymore weird incidences right now. Despite not wanting any though, I'm sure you can tell I wouldn't be writing this if they didn't happen.
"Good!" another out of character response.
As chill as possible, I replied, "So how was your day? Anything interesting?" Doing my best to pry at some sort of evidence or answers or something. I regret sending it now, what she said next just made me more worried. I should've just ignored my phone and went to bed.
"Yea I met a really nice guy in the building, he's cool we should all hang out sometime" I know exactly who she's talking about, I'm sure you know exactly who she's talking about. Now I couldn't stop myself.
"Did he give you anything?" Dammit. I hit send before thinking. That was definitely too much and too abrupt. At best I sound like a weirdo or like I was about to get jealous. At worse I was gonna get the answer I didn't want. The answer I expected as badly as I didn't want to.
"Lol yea actually how'd you know? He left a box with a really nice note sometime after he left. It's supposed to be a gift, but I don't really get it." I should've ended the conversation right there and just come up with a reason in the morning why. But I felt like the puzzle pieces were close to fitting together. Unfortunately, I was right.
I felt I was getting obsessed. "Really? So you opened it?"
"Yea there was like an old jewelry box inside, I think he forgot the key though, it's locked" I knew what would open it. I slowly looked to the spot on the counter where the key was. Still covered by the notebook. I went over to it and placed my hand on the notebook. When I did though I was jump scared again by the slam of a door. Rather, not a door slamming shut but the way it sounds when someone opens it hard and it bangs into the wall. Clearly coming from the hallway. Then another, then another. I heard this over and over again getting further and further away until finally it stopped. I wish I never walked out to investigate but like I said, I was obsessed now and just had to know. I cautiously, quietly as possible, opened my door and peered out.
Every single door down to the opposite end of the hall was wide open. I'd like to say I was relieved, finally seeing some sign of the other apartments being occupied. But because every one, at least that I could see, was pitch black inside, it still wasn't evidence per se. Until I started seeing hands.
Out of the next door apartment, almost coyly, someone's hand slowly stuck out and started waving. I started walking towards it. Looking back now it was like I was in a trance. I just had to see. I had to see what was in the apartment. As soon as I got close enough to actually try to see inside proper, the hand yanked back inside and the door slammed back shut, immediately followed by a quick series of angry knocks from the other side of the door. Then I noticed another hand coming out of the next apartment. Waving.
Picking up my pace now, I walked towards this apartment door. But the same thing happened before I got close enough. The door slammed shut and a quick set of the same aggressive knocks followed. This process repeated over and over the same way all the way down the hall as I kept walking faster until I was jogging. I had to see inside one of these apartments. But every time. Hand. Wave. Slam. Knocks.
That happened until I reached the end of the hall, where noticeably, no hand came out of the last apartment. I stopped in my tracks. Anxiously I started towards this last door. It was pitch black like the rest, but in the doorway, someone was standing there. It was Macy.
She was facing into the apartment away from me and she seemed off. Not the way she was acting, I mean obviously pulling a Blair Witch in the doorway was off, don't get me wrong. I mean there was something off about the way she looked. She looked taller...her hands looked bigger...her shoulders looked broader. "M-Macy?" I tried to get her attention. She slowly turned around and I noticed her looked different too. Bigger like the rest of the things that seemed off about her now, but I recognized those eyes. I couldn't forget those eyes if I wanted to. Ever since I saw them in the parking lot. Ever since I saw them from balcony. And there they were again, just staring again.
Macy began a slow smile. Wider and wider until she looked even stranger than she already did. I started backing away. She stepped out and turned. Now standing still in the hallway with the same expression and strange features. She didn't follow me but I didn't dare take my eyes away off her until I got to the other end of the hall and to my apartment. Still looking at her standing like a statue, I patted around my door until I found the handle. Slipping inside as quick as possible, I locked the door. The screaming started again.
I could tell where it was coming from exactly now though. It was coming from down the hall where I left Macy. And it was getting closer. Slowly but surely making its way to my end of the hall. I grabbed my gun, terrified at what might come next. Louder and louder, I heard this blood curdling scream until it was right outside my door. I raised my gun, but just as suddenly as it started, it completely stopped. Next thing I heard was my phone vibrate. Still watching for what might happen at the door, I checked my phone. It was Macy...
"Wanna open it?"
I didn't even think about texting her back. I stayed up for a long long time the rest of the night, but that text seemed to top off the night's events as nothing else happened. The day at the lake and then everything I had just been through had me wiped out and eventually I couldn't stay awake. I the time I was awake I was too freaked to write any update, so that's what I'm doing now while the memory is still fresh. I ended up taking a double and letting my evening shift run into a night shift. Hopefully, I'll get some ideas on what to do next after I spend a night or two away from that place.
2024.05.29 06:15 __Sherman__ Is my (M21) and Ex gfs (F21) relationship salvageable? So checked out I just need unbiased opinions
I (M21) and ex-girlfriend (F21) I’ll call her Kate, have had an on/off relationship for 6 years. We met/reconnected in June of 2018 after having previously gone to elementary and middle school together until her mother pulled her from school.
Kate reached out to me during the summer between our freshman and sophomore year and we instantly hit it off. I ended up asking Kate to be my girlfriend in August of 2018 and we dated until March of 2019, we split for reasons I honestly don’t remember, we were 15/16 so it was likely something trivial. We both dated other people during summer 2019 and got back together in September 2019 after realizing the people we were with were essentially distractions that suppressed our feelings for each other.
After that, we dated from September 2019 until April of 2021. In October of 2020 Kate began receiving text messages from a bi-curious woman who had supposedly saw her at a party and asked her to indulge in her fantasies and would text Kate throughout the night, writing paragraphs about the things she wanted to do to her. It was revealed that this bi-curious women was actually her brother in-law and after a 2 week therapy course in Tennessee for his “sex addiction” Kate’s family allowed him back into the family and dismissed Kate’s feelings towards her predator, going as far as inviting him to family party’s and intentionally not inviting her as to not cause any drama. So to say Kate’s relationship with her family is on the rocks is an understatement. 2021 was my senior year and I had a choice to make, initially Kate had told me she wasn’t going to have a long distance relationship with me if I went to college, this weighed heavy on me and I decided I didn’t want my future to be dictated by her so I broke up with her. Shortly after we broke up Kate was unfortunately raped by her stepsisters boyfriends step brother and upon hearing this my entire world shattered. I reevaluated everything, including my priorities and decided I’d rather be with her than go to school. We got back together in June 2021 and dated again until February 2023.
In February 2023 Kate told me she didn’t know if I was a need or a want, and wanted time apart to understand if I was just comfort and security for her or if it was true love. We had a heart wrenching break up where Kate assured me we would be together in spirit. Four weeks later during spring break Kate was fucking a friend of hers that moved to Tennessee that was a few years older than us that she had met during her time being homeschooled and swore up and down he was a brother to her and whenever he was in town we would all hang out. They dated (long distance) from March 2023 until May 2023. Kate has since confessed her deep regret for doing this, and I do believe her. I missed Kate dearly so we got back together in June 2023 and dated until May 2024.
Shortly after Kate and I got back together in June 2023 she wanted to move out of her parents house and get away from the toxicity because it was affecting her mental health. Kate told me if I didn’t want to move out with her that was fine and she would find someone else to live with but I could already sense the resentment and I wanted to remove her from her situation at home so in true White Knight fashion, I suppressed my concerns of moving out and we started looking for apartments. We put the deposit down on a brand new 550 sqft unit in November and just had to wait until January for it to be built. Just before new year we found a single wide trailer for sale in a local park that was priced to sell and needed work. We ended up backing out of our apartment deposit and bought the single wide trailer for 10k cash split 50/50.
From January until May I worked on the trailer everyday after work. Completely renovated the kitchen down to studs, bathroom down to the studs, replaced a window and redid plumbing, got a new water heater and carpet in the living room, re-leveled the hallway and laid new flooring down the hall and replaced the washer and dryer area due to water damage and electrical concerns. Repainted every room, new baseboards, and bought new appliances for the kitchen (except the fridge). I’m a handy person and did most of these things myself and only subbed out the water heater and carpet install. I was pretty burnt out and what should’ve been exciting for us I slowly began to resent.
Kate and my mom/sisters weren’t on talking terms during this either due to “the dress incident” which really peeved me. My sisters are seniors this year and had to go prom dress shopping, my mom and sisters had overlapping schedules and ultimately the only day they could go get dresses was a day that Kate was unable to attend. This hurt Kate’s feelings so much she decided she wasn’t going to talk to them until they apologized for leaving her out. My mom and sisters never reached out because they didn’t even know Kate was upset and when they did find out she was upset they didn’t feel like they owed her an apology and that it was just unfortunate circumstances. I tried explaining to Kate that it did suck they went without her and I was sorry she was upset but ultimately there wasn’t anything that could be done and they didn’t intentionally hurt her so maybe she should just drop it. Kate went from regularly being at my house to never coming over and my family took notice. Eventually Kate did make peace with my mom and one of my sisters, but not both. My other sister lashed out at Kate and accused her of being manipulative and childish, my sister for whatever reason decided to compare their traumas as well (which is completely uncalled for) and voiced no desire to have a relationship with Kate. Kate took this as you would expect and distanced herself from my sister and my house. I was livid with my sister for lashing out and I wanted them to work things out and encouraged both of them to talk to each other to work things out but they are both very prideful and both were willing to die on their hill.
I’m very family oriented and the stress of Kate not having a solid relationship with my family was extremely taxing to me both mentally and emotionally and this was on top of renovating the trailer and my suppressed feelings towards moving out. I totally checked out and eventually broke up with Kate. Now I’m wondering if I made the right choice or if I’m going to regret leaving my best friend and love of my life because I am just emotionally exhausted from the arguments and not totally being ready to move out. Kate has said she is willing to do couples therapy and I can live at home and she loves me deeply but I just don’t know anymore, the whole situation is the culmination of so many factors it’s hard to pinpoint why I want to leave, I just do but a part of me wants to keep fighting.
submitted by __Sherman__ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Kate reached out to me during the summer between our freshman and sophomore year and we instantly hit it off. I ended up asking Kate to be my girlfriend in August of 2018 and we dated until March of 2019, we split for reasons I honestly don’t remember, we were 15/16 so it was likely something trivial. We both dated other people during summer 2019 and got back together in September 2019 after realizing the people we were with were essentially distractions that suppressed our feelings for each other.
After that, we dated from September 2019 until April of 2021. In October of 2020 Kate began receiving text messages from a bi-curious woman who had supposedly saw her at a party and asked her to indulge in her fantasies and would text Kate throughout the night, writing paragraphs about the things she wanted to do to her. It was revealed that this bi-curious women was actually her brother in-law and after a 2 week therapy course in Tennessee for his “sex addiction” Kate’s family allowed him back into the family and dismissed Kate’s feelings towards her predator, going as far as inviting him to family party’s and intentionally not inviting her as to not cause any drama. So to say Kate’s relationship with her family is on the rocks is an understatement. 2021 was my senior year and I had a choice to make, initially Kate had told me she wasn’t going to have a long distance relationship with me if I went to college, this weighed heavy on me and I decided I didn’t want my future to be dictated by her so I broke up with her. Shortly after we broke up Kate was unfortunately raped by her stepsisters boyfriends step brother and upon hearing this my entire world shattered. I reevaluated everything, including my priorities and decided I’d rather be with her than go to school. We got back together in June 2021 and dated again until February 2023.
In February 2023 Kate told me she didn’t know if I was a need or a want, and wanted time apart to understand if I was just comfort and security for her or if it was true love. We had a heart wrenching break up where Kate assured me we would be together in spirit. Four weeks later during spring break Kate was fucking a friend of hers that moved to Tennessee that was a few years older than us that she had met during her time being homeschooled and swore up and down he was a brother to her and whenever he was in town we would all hang out. They dated (long distance) from March 2023 until May 2023. Kate has since confessed her deep regret for doing this, and I do believe her. I missed Kate dearly so we got back together in June 2023 and dated until May 2024.
Shortly after Kate and I got back together in June 2023 she wanted to move out of her parents house and get away from the toxicity because it was affecting her mental health. Kate told me if I didn’t want to move out with her that was fine and she would find someone else to live with but I could already sense the resentment and I wanted to remove her from her situation at home so in true White Knight fashion, I suppressed my concerns of moving out and we started looking for apartments. We put the deposit down on a brand new 550 sqft unit in November and just had to wait until January for it to be built. Just before new year we found a single wide trailer for sale in a local park that was priced to sell and needed work. We ended up backing out of our apartment deposit and bought the single wide trailer for 10k cash split 50/50.
From January until May I worked on the trailer everyday after work. Completely renovated the kitchen down to studs, bathroom down to the studs, replaced a window and redid plumbing, got a new water heater and carpet in the living room, re-leveled the hallway and laid new flooring down the hall and replaced the washer and dryer area due to water damage and electrical concerns. Repainted every room, new baseboards, and bought new appliances for the kitchen (except the fridge). I’m a handy person and did most of these things myself and only subbed out the water heater and carpet install. I was pretty burnt out and what should’ve been exciting for us I slowly began to resent.
Kate and my mom/sisters weren’t on talking terms during this either due to “the dress incident” which really peeved me. My sisters are seniors this year and had to go prom dress shopping, my mom and sisters had overlapping schedules and ultimately the only day they could go get dresses was a day that Kate was unable to attend. This hurt Kate’s feelings so much she decided she wasn’t going to talk to them until they apologized for leaving her out. My mom and sisters never reached out because they didn’t even know Kate was upset and when they did find out she was upset they didn’t feel like they owed her an apology and that it was just unfortunate circumstances. I tried explaining to Kate that it did suck they went without her and I was sorry she was upset but ultimately there wasn’t anything that could be done and they didn’t intentionally hurt her so maybe she should just drop it. Kate went from regularly being at my house to never coming over and my family took notice. Eventually Kate did make peace with my mom and one of my sisters, but not both. My other sister lashed out at Kate and accused her of being manipulative and childish, my sister for whatever reason decided to compare their traumas as well (which is completely uncalled for) and voiced no desire to have a relationship with Kate. Kate took this as you would expect and distanced herself from my sister and my house. I was livid with my sister for lashing out and I wanted them to work things out and encouraged both of them to talk to each other to work things out but they are both very prideful and both were willing to die on their hill.
I’m very family oriented and the stress of Kate not having a solid relationship with my family was extremely taxing to me both mentally and emotionally and this was on top of renovating the trailer and my suppressed feelings towards moving out. I totally checked out and eventually broke up with Kate. Now I’m wondering if I made the right choice or if I’m going to regret leaving my best friend and love of my life because I am just emotionally exhausted from the arguments and not totally being ready to move out. Kate has said she is willing to do couples therapy and I can live at home and she loves me deeply but I just don’t know anymore, the whole situation is the culmination of so many factors it’s hard to pinpoint why I want to leave, I just do but a part of me wants to keep fighting.
2024.05.29 06:14 Saunter87 Day 806 Temptation Storm
I came to confess I am in a wild state of temptation. A particular girl in mind and fantasies I didn't even know I had stored up, romantic overwhelm, sensual overwhelm, erotic racing thoughts...
I saw her last night at a ministry after-party and am sleep deprived so I think I'm particularly susceptible.
However, I'm praying for her and her loved ones, I'm surrendering, I'm praying for myself, I'm checking in here. I highlighted and am meditating on 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. I'm envisioning turning this experience into ministry.
Man, oh man, though. Today is 806 days without acting out and the enemy still knows where to find me. Be strong y'all and please pray for me. I'll pray for you.
submitted by Saunter87 to NoFapChristians [link] [comments]
I saw her last night at a ministry after-party and am sleep deprived so I think I'm particularly susceptible.
However, I'm praying for her and her loved ones, I'm surrendering, I'm praying for myself, I'm checking in here. I highlighted and am meditating on 1 Corinthians 6:19-20. I'm envisioning turning this experience into ministry.
Man, oh man, though. Today is 806 days without acting out and the enemy still knows where to find me. Be strong y'all and please pray for me. I'll pray for you.
2024.05.29 06:14 ayemxi HELP ME FIND THIS STORY
as far as i remember it has angel and devil points, and the choices matter, also it has point system of course. THE MC IS VERY CLUMSY. i am not sure if its a wlw story or you can choose their ll gender (but i always choose a girl love interest) if im not mistaken, the first chapter is very cringe and a lot of people find it very cringey. well, this part is not very clear but as far as i remember, the mc kissed her love interest or like the ll kissed the mc? crying i donʼt really remember but they were in the pool area and something happened that is very CRINGEY, i had to cover my screen to survive. and because of that kiss the mc activated her power. after that, all of the scenes were about mc discovering her strengths.. and oh, i remember the court scene where like the mc broke the ring because of her power? and the ll has also a power. is this enough hint? crying pls i badly wanna read it again. THANKYOU!
submitted by ayemxi to Episode [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 06:14 glr123 Fighting MS, my debut at the Vermont City Marathon
Race Information
- Name: Vermont City Marathon
- Date: May 26, 2024
- Distance: 26.2 miles
- Location: Burlington, VT
- Website: https://www.runvermont.org/
- Age: 35M
- Time: 3:26:22
Goals
| Goal | Description | Completed? |
|---|---|---|
| A | Sub-3:20 | No |
| B | Sub-3:30 | Yes |
| C | Finish | Yes |
Splits
| 13.1 splits | Time |
|---|---|
| 1 | 1:43:20 |
| 2 | 1:43:02 |
Ancient History
Growing up, I was always pretty active and started running in High School. Going into my Junior year, I began to take running much more seriously and made steady progress with a 5K PR of 17:06 at the State meet. Going into my Senior year, I had been training 6 days a week with the team and hitting 40-60 miles a week consistently with hopes of going low 16's by the end of the XC season. Then, disaster. Pain in my quads was getting worse and worse until a bone scan finally revealed bilateral femoral stress fractures - one midway along the midline of each femur. I was devastated, and completely stopped running from August until February. By then, it seemed like things were getting better and I was able to put in some good miles for the spring Track season. I was always a better mid-distance runner, and was able to snag a few PRs of 2:00 in the 800m (agony, 1s off) and 4:35 in the 1600m. By that point I was basically over running, completely burned out and sick of running.10 years later...
I wake up one morning in April of 2017 to take a shower and realize that I have no temperature sensation in my right leg whatsoever. I'm now finishing grad school, I've moved across the country, first kid on the way and due in a matter of weeks. I'm not working out much at this point, maybe running every few months at best. Stress is high. I go to urgent care and the last 6 months of subtle pins and needles on the left side of my face and the occasional double vision start to make a lot more sense. Multiple Sclerosis. It's not a death sentence, but I felt like the world was ending. My kid was due in 4 weeks and now my future was completely uncertain. A month or two, an MRI and one spinal tap later and the diagnosis is confirmed.
Training
Fortunately, new medicines have made MS much more manageable and I was lucky to have a great medical team. Perhaps the most important thing to keep the disease in check beyond highly potent immunosuppressants is regular exercise. Time to start running again.Starting out was rough, but within a few weeks I was able to feel ok running 15-20 miles a week in the 8-10 min/mile range. I keep that up consistently for a year or so and run my first 10K with a time of 44:42, which I was pretty proud of at the time. Things are going well for a while, second kid is on the way, my MS seems mostly stable, albeit leaving me with some permanent loss of function of my left leg (these gait issues will come up later), pins and needles in my right leg, and fatigue. Then COVID hits. Now I'm at home, with much more time. I increase my mileage a bit, now running 20-30 miles a week but not really following any particular plan or anything. Move across country, keep running when I can.
Mid-2023 I decided to finally take it up a level. I was mostly using the Garmin Daily Workouts at this point and running consistently 30 miles a week. I decided to run my first half-marathon, just as a virtual training run, and felt pretty good about my time with an 8:24/mi average pace. Going into fall, I juggled some illnesses but kept running. Unfortunately around November I started to develop Sesamoiditis and had to really limit my running to 35-40 miles per week. I ran a Christmas 5K with a time of 19:14, which felt pretty good, but was still dealing with the Sesamoid issue.
Over time, the Sesamoid started to resolve but I would occasionally feel some twinges in my right Adductor. Nevertheless, I felt like the time was now to try for my first Marathon. Around February, I finally committed and decided to do the Pfitz 12/55 plan. I had been consistently in the 35-40 range for a few months, so felt like I had a decent base. At first, I found the plan quite difficult to deal with. It was the most structured running I had done since high school, but after a while my schedule adapted and I was hitting all of the workouts. About halfway through, the Adductor issue started to really rear its ugly head. It seems like it's a combination of gait issues from my MS as well as compensating for the weakened Sesamoid. I attempted to strength train, but had to back off a bit.
At best, I was able to hit 53 miles a week, occasionally having to skip some workouts for cross-training or rest. I felt like I nailed the 20 mile runs pretty well and overall the LRs felt good. I ran one 5K as a kind of "tune-up" with a time of 19:21, pacing a friend, so putting in maybe 80-90% effort. Due to injuries and some travel I was never able to do one of the longer tune-up races. Unfortunately, the Adductor issue continued to wax and wane, finally flaring up badly about 3 weeks out from my target marathon. After a consultation with Ortho, I was told to stop running cold turkey for two weeks prior to the Marathon, and then a follow-up last Friday I was given the green light to try it ... cautiously ... but consider dropping out if it is too painful.
Pre-Race
My taper was compromised pretty heavily by the injury, so I was really feeling worried about how the race would go. That said, I knew that the training was done at this point, and so an extended rest shouldn't make TOO much of an impact if I feel ready. I carb-loaded three days out and tried to take on a lot of fluids. While my injury was feeling better, the next worry was the temperature. Forecast was saying low 60s for the start of the race, ramping up to the mid 70s by the time I expected to finish. We drove up to Burlington from the Boston area on Friday with the kids, and I likely did too much walking on Saturday but overall I was feeling ok and was fortunate to get a good amount of sleep Saturday night (7.5hrs).I'm a scientist by training, so planning and preparation is second nature to me. I woke up at 4:45, had a cup of coffee, half a bagel, a banana, and a Maurten 160 drink. Because of the temperature, I decided to prepare two 500mL bottles of Tailwind, one that I would take with me and one that I would pickup from my wife at the Half point. I planned for 4 gels (Maurten@5mi, Gu@10mi, Maurten+Caf@15mi, Maurten@20) and to get a cup of water at every aid station each 2.5mi. I jogged down to the start at 6:15am, used the restroom probably 4 times, and lined up with the 3:30 group.
Race
My plan was to start out with the 3:30 pacer group and see how things go. The course is advertised as being flat and fast, but I'm not sure I believe that because there is a big hill you run up twice with 120ft of vert over about 1/2 mile and between 5-7% grade at times. The course is essentially two figure 8s, and you start in the middle. At 7:15am, we took off. The first few miles felt a bit stiff, but I was chatting it up with the pacers and feeling pretty relaxed. We were going a bit ahead of pace, clocking in at 7:50 per mile for the first 4-5 miles. Around the 10K mark, I was feeling a bit antsy and the pace was slowing down...I decided to head off alone, despite a lot of reservation that I was making a poor decision.Around Mile 9, I was starting to feel a bit of tightness in my legs and my HR was in the high 160s. I was a little bit concerned about this early fatigue, but I knew from my training that I feel like this on almost every single run and it doesn't really seem to get worse, it just seems to be part of my mechanics or something. I kept pushing on, mile after mile, keeping my pace pretty consistently. Every aid station I got a cup of water, drank some and splashed the rest on my head. This made a HUGE difference in the end.
Mile 13, came in at the Half feeling great. Started up one of the hills and saw my wife. *Disaster* she had the wrong bottle. No carbs, no Tailwind for the 2nd half, and my current bottle was empty. At this point, I had also been taking my gels early. My stomach was feeling great so instead of a gel at every 5th mile I was taking one at every 4. The race provided gels at mile 8 and mile 21, so I had picked up an extra gel by this time and made the decision to stop at the next aid station around mile 15 and fill up my bottle with Gatorade. Salvation.
Kept chugging along, feeling a bit of fatigue setting in around the slog from mile 16-19. At mile 19, I saw my wife again and she had the correct bottle (it was my fault, she thought I meant for her to give me a larger, recovery bottle I had prepared of Skratch for after the race). I got my bottle of Tailwind and hit the monster hill at Mile 20. This was my slowest mile at 8:15 (GAP of 7:40) and it really sapped my strength. I was thinking that this must be like running Heartbreak Hill the entire time I was going up.
Through the hill, into the last 10K. Starting to feel desperate, just pushing forward every step of the way. The pacing in this marathon is quite strange, because it also has a Relay of either 2-person or 4-person teams, so you're always seeing different people with way fresher legs than you. Ended up finding a woman to run with who was crushing it, and we paced eachother the last 3-4 miles. Took a last gel around 24 miles and grinded it out to the end.
Berlin next... then Boston?
Post-race, I was feeling pretty happy with my 3:26 time. To be honest, I felt a little anti-climactic, although I'm not entirely sure why. I didn't feel a ton of adrenaline or emotion throughout the race and things seemed pretty collected. That said, I'm pretty surprised at how much I loved almost every minute of the race itself. Maybe it was just because it was my first time, but it was truly a fun and rewarding experience.I think there were a few areas where I could have pushed just slightly harder, but given it was my first marathon on a somewhat challenging course in the heat I'm overall happy with my time. I absolutely nailed my hydration/fueling and my pacing, with a slightly negative split overall, so I'm really pleased with that. As a whole, I'd give my training cycle maybe a 6/10; I think I definitely raced too many of my training runs, likely leading to some of my injuries. I was also only able to go above 50mpw in 2 of the 12 weeks of the program.
Given my somewhat poor training cycle, I'm hoping that I still have a lot of room to improve. I was a bit worried that my MS would cause issues during the marathon, particularly my left leg, which tends to lose coordination in long, higher intensity efforts. Fortunately, it felt pretty good throughout.
Earlier in the year, I was lucky to get a spot for both Berlin and NYC. Given their proximity to each other, I'm going to try and defer NYC to next year. I've now been thinking through if I want to try and apply to Boston for 2025. Given my MS, I am technically eligible for an "adaptive" application, which has a cutoff time of 6:00. I feel in two minds about this, because on one hand I feel like I'm maybe taking a bit of the easy way out, when it might be possible for me to hit sub-3:05 some day. On the other hand, I don't know how many years I have left running so I'm thinking I might just seize the opportunity now and then try and qualify through the more "standard" way in the future. Curious on people's thoughts on this, and thanks for reading!
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.
2024.05.29 06:12 Conclusion_National Library of Ruina - Fan Story Scene 2 - Roland Betrayed by the City
SCENE 1 OF THE STORY - Beginnings of the Anomaly https://www.reddit.com/libraryofruina/s/1yTO3qeElj
If you haven't seen scene 1 of the fan story, please go read it for contexts of what's going on. Simply put, roland has been replaced by a new guy from a different world. It is more specifically ours. Also, you might be wondering where roland is... well
Roland: I knew it was a lie... I shouldn't trust anyone.... And they were just trying to get rid of me... that damm Hanna Association.... and Head...!!!
" Yea, Angel, some coffee would be nice... I think I would know some good coffee places that we can go together... How about we meet tomorrow morning? How does that sound.
To be continued...
submitted by Conclusion_National to libraryofruina [link] [comments]
If you haven't seen scene 1 of the fan story, please go read it for contexts of what's going on. Simply put, roland has been replaced by a new guy from a different world. It is more specifically ours. Also, you might be wondering where roland is... well
- Roland is lying on a bed... Slightly dropped down by the Teleport of a Purple tear with smoke covered the area..
- Then He feels something in this pocket... It was a note....
- Roland stands there in complete silence and shock... completely different world... He was just some experiment rat... damm it all... damm, that whole damm city.... Damm, that pianist for taking his one light his wife and child..... Damm it....
Roland: I knew it was a lie... I shouldn't trust anyone.... And they were just trying to get rid of me... that damm Hanna Association.... and Head...!!!
- He breathes heavily and then stands there and says "That is that, and this is this.... Remember that..."
- He looks around in this room and finds a wallet and opens it
- he see a id and a girl and boy Picture besides it as well. With the name on the id. "Willam Xeon manger of YumYum Sandwichs" Roland:... mmm, he does look like me... and I bet that this is his room... It seemed similar to the city... It's not as high tech as most houses, but it's definitely nice... It's probably similar to somewhere in the nest... Maybe... I... I... could change.... Take the mask of this person... Build a new life... and leave all that pain in the city behind me.... Maybe call retirement or something.... but... If I find a way back... Somehow somewhere.... Lori... Oliver.... I will find you and I will kill you.... Even though you were my teachers and my friends... I trusted you two... I believed you two... You are the last two people that I would ever see betrayed me... but you did... For that I can never forgive this city for what it's done...
- He lays on this new bed, which to him is very surprisingly comfy, and then the cell phone on a nearby desk rings.
- He looks at it and finds a nickname "Angel." In the picture of this, look similar to his wife angelica... And then realizes that the image of the boy and girl that both of them were probably in a relationship of some kind.
- Roland looks shocked... Roland: What.... no way.... Angelica, you.... I see.... I get it now.... Ahahahhahahhaaahahhahaha! This willam guy is me.... From a different universe... Different name... Different person... different world but that girlfriend of his... It almost looks like Angelica... There's no mistake that... So I play my part... so I can one day find that source of my sorrow and have my revenge... Until then... Let me put on my mask and never think about that sorrow AGAIN.
- He picks up the phone and he hears her speak clamly...
- Her voice was angelic... It seems like he found someone almost identical to his wife... Is somehow some way... Irony strikes the person unexpecting this turn of events
" Yea, Angel, some coffee would be nice... I think I would know some good coffee places that we can go together... How about we meet tomorrow morning? How does that sound.
- She gets excited and tells him that she can't wait and tell him that she loves him.
- He shakes... and tell her that he loves her and will see her tomorrow.
- He hangs up and drops to the ground, crying his heart out.... All his sorrows pour out as he still tries to understand what just happened to him and what will happen and what he got himself into...
To be continued...
2024.05.29 06:11 Comprehensive-Tea-36 Good bye, little boy I met in 1985
I finally trusted you again and I'm heart broken. I thought we were at at point where we would eventually be able to work through this together. It wasn't there yet but, there was hope again.
You were becoming a good Dad and a caring romantic partner.
I've had glimmers of hope through out the years:
-Fruit strip gum and 5th grade mouth shirt.
-When you asked me out in 6th grade and we had a homework date, with your weird nice Dad on his dial up internet.
-When you kissed me on my roof, while I was wearing my striped Contempo belly shirt (the next time we hung out you asked if you could pick Rosemary's sunflowers to give to Rae)
-When we went to homecoming together (but you took shrooms with Vinnie, so you were off, we danced a little.)
-When we had strange sex on your dorm room couch (my first time.) Followed by you discarding me when we were supposed to hang out next, after having my Mom drive 3 hours to get you, you didn't hang out with me when we got home. You NEEDED to go to the mall with again, Rae. I guess not a glimmer.
-Then I guess we were sex friends and kind of together, you spent lots of time at my house. You were so kind to my family (other than the time we got my 11 year old brother high and potentially ruined his mental health forever. This timeline isn't accurate but I thought of it.
-We did ecstasy and had sex the football field. That was fun.
-You introduced me to your cold, cold family. They told/tell me I'm family too but that dynamic is weird. I don't envy that upbringing.
-We were a long distance couple but it was official. I ruined my education to make it work. I don't really regret that you're better than an education at that school.
-You got jealous that I had a boyfriend and I brought his dog home from Florida. We had sex on my Mom's porch.
-You came down to Florida and saw I had good friends and was doing ok without you, you wanted me back (but you wanted to keep fucking all the strange that you were fucking and were ok with me doing the same until we got back together. I never touched anyone after that call, I don't care if you did.)
-Our Fernwood house was nice, I loved that you got me Stoops. You punched a hole in the door that I fixed witb painters plaster and we hung out with Jamie too much ( one night while I was sleeping I think something might have happened with you two but if you read everything before this you can see I'm not feeling secure in this relationship so who knows.)
-You were nice to my family, you loved my Mom and could converse with "Cool Cal," Diane and Jackie (they're tough.)
-I'm sorry I never listened to your words and tried to wish you into the person I dreamed you were. That's too much to live up to. I really am sorry I do this.
-We had the kids and they make all of this worth it.
-We didn't have 1 of them. I couldn't have another one without your support. We had sex on the washing machine and you told me you loved me and we could keep that baby. The next day you changed your mind. I didn't really want to do it again either but it felt good for a few minutes that you were agreeing to one.
-I cried and cried at that appointment once I was called back, you hardly looked at me while we were waiting, you were stoic. I couldn't have anymore kids with someone that didn't want them.
-I saw a blue meteor, I thought we should buy the blue house. The one I knew you would love, that came up on Zillow from time to time. I never told you about it because it was way too much work. Only the best version of both of us could handle that house.
-Zelda came, I was so happy for that one glimmer when that test was negative. But it wasn't.
-You told me "don't expect anything from me when that baby comes." I should have listened to your words
-Covid- I have writing longer than this and pictures of all the horrible, violent, heinous shit you said when that hit. I thought we would reset and bond and spend quality family time. Ha, see above. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have hope.
-Divorce. You threatened to kill me and all our kids. That's probably time to stop pretending this is working.
-I didn't stop pretending, we kept on. I held you and excused you and supported you. I fucked you with a passion I could never give you before because really it was already over and it didn't matter.
-It started to matter, you were helpful and kind again. You had your set backs but you seemed ready to finally commit to me and the kids.
-You called me a trigger and found your support from other women and not me.
-I feel lost without you, this is what I know.
-I feel like you can finally protect and love the kids.
-That's good!
-I'm strong but I need support too. You can't give that to me. I am choosing not to love you so I can find someone who will.
If he/she's great but constantly makes makes you feel uneasy it's time to go!
Night, night 🌙 strong ladies and gents!
submitted by Comprehensive-Tea-36 to emotionalabuse [link] [comments]
You were becoming a good Dad and a caring romantic partner.
I've had glimmers of hope through out the years:
-Fruit strip gum and 5th grade mouth shirt.
-When you asked me out in 6th grade and we had a homework date, with your weird nice Dad on his dial up internet.
-When you kissed me on my roof, while I was wearing my striped Contempo belly shirt (the next time we hung out you asked if you could pick Rosemary's sunflowers to give to Rae)
-When we went to homecoming together (but you took shrooms with Vinnie, so you were off, we danced a little.)
-When we had strange sex on your dorm room couch (my first time.) Followed by you discarding me when we were supposed to hang out next, after having my Mom drive 3 hours to get you, you didn't hang out with me when we got home. You NEEDED to go to the mall with again, Rae. I guess not a glimmer.
-Then I guess we were sex friends and kind of together, you spent lots of time at my house. You were so kind to my family (other than the time we got my 11 year old brother high and potentially ruined his mental health forever. This timeline isn't accurate but I thought of it.
- You were kind to my brother. Thank you for that. You really were a great brother in law to him. Be probably misses you.
-We did ecstasy and had sex the football field. That was fun.
-You introduced me to your cold, cold family. They told/tell me I'm family too but that dynamic is weird. I don't envy that upbringing.
-We were a long distance couple but it was official. I ruined my education to make it work. I don't really regret that you're better than an education at that school.
- You told me a ghost told you we had to be together. I believed that piece only. Blocked out all the red flags, including Jessica (we've gone over that enough.) Dropped out of college and ran to you. You went back to her.
-You got jealous that I had a boyfriend and I brought his dog home from Florida. We had sex on my Mom's porch.
-You came down to Florida and saw I had good friends and was doing ok without you, you wanted me back (but you wanted to keep fucking all the strange that you were fucking and were ok with me doing the same until we got back together. I never touched anyone after that call, I don't care if you did.)
-Our Fernwood house was nice, I loved that you got me Stoops. You punched a hole in the door that I fixed witb painters plaster and we hung out with Jamie too much ( one night while I was sleeping I think something might have happened with you two but if you read everything before this you can see I'm not feeling secure in this relationship so who knows.)
-You were nice to my family, you loved my Mom and could converse with "Cool Cal," Diane and Jackie (they're tough.)
- You started talking about the band. You played a song (I didn't think it was that good, I didn't tell you that.) I wanted you to be famous, you deserve that. You're amazing!
- You never got a job when we lived in Caifornia, I was OK with that. No one else was including Jesse. You took care of the house and made me food and really seemed to love me. I was happy. (I don't care if you did weird shit on tour, you came back to me,)
- We went to Karen and Tom's wedding, I was proud to have you by my side, we were in love and I was pregnant.
-I'm sorry I never listened to your words and tried to wish you into the person I dreamed you were. That's too much to live up to. I really am sorry I do this.
-We had the kids and they make all of this worth it.
-We didn't have 1 of them. I couldn't have another one without your support. We had sex on the washing machine and you told me you loved me and we could keep that baby. The next day you changed your mind. I didn't really want to do it again either but it felt good for a few minutes that you were agreeing to one.
-I cried and cried at that appointment once I was called back, you hardly looked at me while we were waiting, you were stoic. I couldn't have anymore kids with someone that didn't want them.
-I saw a blue meteor, I thought we should buy the blue house. The one I knew you would love, that came up on Zillow from time to time. I never told you about it because it was way too much work. Only the best version of both of us could handle that house.
-Zelda came, I was so happy for that one glimmer when that test was negative. But it wasn't.
-You told me "don't expect anything from me when that baby comes." I should have listened to your words
-Covid- I have writing longer than this and pictures of all the horrible, violent, heinous shit you said when that hit. I thought we would reset and bond and spend quality family time. Ha, see above. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have hope.
-Divorce. You threatened to kill me and all our kids. That's probably time to stop pretending this is working.
-I didn't stop pretending, we kept on. I held you and excused you and supported you. I fucked you with a passion I could never give you before because really it was already over and it didn't matter.
-It started to matter, you were helpful and kind again. You had your set backs but you seemed ready to finally commit to me and the kids.
- You went nuts, I soldiered on trying to make a living to support 3 kids, putting my interests on the shelf. I pushed you away so they wouldn't have to see you like that. I wanted to help you but I needed to protect them more.
-You called me a trigger and found your support from other women and not me.
-I feel lost without you, this is what I know.
-I feel like you can finally protect and love the kids.
-That's good!
-I'm strong but I need support too. You can't give that to me. I am choosing not to love you so I can find someone who will.
- I let you do this because I choose to love you. Why did you do?
If he/she's great but constantly makes makes you feel uneasy it's time to go!
Night, night 🌙 strong ladies and gents!
2024.05.29 06:10 Telemachusfar The Human Security Officer, Part 49
Idk about you guys but I've always loved how a shower felt after a bunch of work. Something special about it. Anyway thanks for reading! :)
They were both offered showers by town citizens happy to open their homes. Gareth found showers immensely awkward but didn’t need to worry as a few townsfolk drew him a bath. With some extra help from Deag, who had taken a short trip to the ship, he treated the water and was finally able to eat something. It was no traditional Weilan spa, but it was… close enough. If he was being entirely honest, he was just glad to finally be able to eat something. He may have fibbed to Pen when they talked about food. He wasn’t near starving quite yet and even though being carried had allowed him to conserve a lot of energy, it wouldn’t have helped much longer.
He looked down at his poor shell. Its color greatly diminished from the lack of food and immense stress of the whole ordeal. He could feel the buildup of toxins in his system before and it was wonderful to feel them washing out. He sighed and slumped down under the water. Again, he inspected his shell. Wilting and greying all over his eyes wandered to the crack made by Pen when she pulled him out of the way of the turret. Probably another two months to heal but it was coming along. She must have remembered it too when they were falling. She was gentler. It honestly surprised him that he managed to survive that fall without any major injury.
Gareth let his thoughts drift aimlessly as he soaked under the water. After a few minutes, though, he heard a thump from outside the tub. He rose up from the water and peeked over the lip of the tub. A small human child stared back from the washroom door. Small by human standards that is. He was shorter than Gareth but only by a few inches. If Ton’et’s human biology lessons were serving him well the boy wouldn’t remain much smaller than him for more than a year or so. He should be quickly entering a time of quick growth that humans experience periodically in their formative years.
“Mmmhmmmb” the boy mumbled, still hiding most of himself behind the door.
“What was that?” Gareth asked.
The boy shirked slightly but found his voice after a moment.
“You… You’re weird looking.”
Gareth chuckled.
“You’re the weird looking one.”
The boy's brow furrowed, easier to read than Pen by far. The child wore his emotions on his face.
“Nuh uh…”
“Yuh huh.” Gareth mimicked the child.
“No, you don’t look like anyone else here.”
“Well, I’m not from here, am I? I’m from a place where everyone looks like me and nobody looks like you.”
This seemed to puzzle the boy.
“How many people?”
Gareth tilted his head. An odd question.
“Lots? Trillions.”
“Is that more than here?”
It dawned on him the math the boy was doing.
“Definitely.”
“Darn…”
The boy lightly tapped the doorframe with his foot.
“You could go see them.” Gareth offered.
“Really?” A shine came to his eyes.
“Oh definitely, there's a ton to see. More places out there than trees in that forest outside.”
The boy didn’t understand trillions but that comparison made sense to him.
“Waoooaahhh,” a frown came to his face quickly, “but I like it here though. I have friends here.”
“So when you miss them, just come on back. No reason you cant enjoy both right?”
Gareth's words were a joyous revelation to the boy.
“I’d love that I think…”
“I think you would to.” Gareth chuckled.
“You may be weird but you're pretty cool. My names Cameron by the way.”
“Pleasure to meet you Cameron, I’m Gareth. I think you’re weird and cool too.”
Cameron giggled and sprinted away, stopped, turned around, closed the door gently, then turned back around and sprinted away again. Gareth sunk back down into the tub smiling.
Pen stepped under the shower head with her face turned up. Steaming hot water hit her face and ran down taking all the stress and sweat with it.
A proper shower was exactly what Pen needed. She was no stranger to dirt and sweat and when needs must, she had no issue. That said, filthy was by no means a preferred state and after two days hard march, sleeping in the dirt, and only washing off in a river, a proper shower felt divine. It almost reminded her of washing off after a particularly arduous drop. There was something especially satisfying about it.
Soap, warm water, and more time to enjoy it than she’d ever have been given on the Basho. After getting clean she turned the heat up as high as it could go and propped herself against the wall of the shower letting the water run over her shoulders and back. The heat melted through the tension and washed it down the drain.
Ahhhhhh. Perfect.
Something tickled her neck and she brought her right hand up to it. She pulled a long strand of hair away. It struck her as odd and brought her attention to her hair. It had gotten longer. The strand in her hand was almost alien due to how long it had been since she’d allowed it to grow out beyond a few inches.
She brought both her hands up now, raking them through the newfound length. She’d start having to wear it up if she didn’t want to cut it.
She kind of didn’t. Why should she?
After a nice long while in the hot shower she turned the water off and stepped out. The bathroom was heavy with steam, but she saw that towels and clothes had been set by the sink for her. She dried herself and examined the clothing. It was a simple handwoven dress, loose cut and floor length. The dress was dyed olive green and parchment white with a humble little leaf-like pattern embroidered around the wrists and neckline.
It certainly wasn’t her normal fare, but it was clearly a kind gesture and matched the clothing most wore around town. With how little worn and well taken care of it looked Pen could guess that it meant a lot to the person who donated it.
Pen donned it and looked to the mirror only to find it utterly fogged up.
A light knock came from the other side of the door.
“Are you alright miss?” a woman’s voice asked.
“Yea…” Pen faltered.
“Oh does the dress not fit? Or would you prefer something else?”
“No, no, it fits fine,” it did reach the floor though perhaps not as much as it was intended to, “How about you tell me how I look.”
Pen opened the door. Steam rolled out as she moved into the room with the young woman. She was a stranger to Pen but looked like the older lady whose house this was. Pen guessed a daughter.
“Oh my, I think you look quite nice! Olive is definitely one of your colors. Here!” The girl fumbled somewhat but showed Pen to a tall mirror in the far corner of the room.
It was… certainly a look. Not one she was used to but that was expected. The dress fit fine and it did look nice. Pen couldn’t help but notice, though, that it sat oddly on her. Not tight or revealing by any means, just… a gentler looking piece of clothing on a less than gently built frame. It wasn’t exactly made to be worn by a muscled body.
“Oh erm here miss,” the young woman handed her a hair tie but pulled back, “or if you want I could help you put it up? Its at that weird point where its not long enough to… you know but too long to uh it can be difficult. If you want I can…”
“I… appreciate it but I’ll be fine. I think I'll leave it down for now.”
“Right. Well, here. Just in case you want to.”
She again handed the hair tie but this time let Pen take it. Pen stowed it around her wrist.
“Is Gareth?”
“Oh yes your friend is across the street at the Patterson's. I can bring you over if you like.”
“Lead the way.”
“Of course.”
The girl led her out of the house and across the street. Pen saw a couple putting up woven cloth streamers across the road. They anchored them in trees with some parallel and others crossing.
As the girl stepped up the front porch of the, apparently, Patterson's house she waved to an older gentleman in a rocking chair.
“Evening Mr. Patterson. This is Penelope, she was just calling on her friend.”
“Evening dear. Evening miss. Yer friend hasn’t come out yet but you can head on up. To the left at the top, far end door.”
“Thanks.”
His hand came up to keep her just a moment.
“Thank you miss.” He said accentuating the ‘you’.
He looked at her like they all did. She knew what he meant and as awkwardly as it always was she smiled and nodded before she pushed past him. At least he had the good sense not to salute.
As she climbed the stairs just inside the door to the house she heard the man ask a question of the girl.
“Dear, could you ask your mother about a few fertilizer spikes? The peach is looking like it needs some help.”
Pen continued too far to make out her reply but could guess by its warm tone that it was a yes. She turned at the top of the stairs and walked to the end of the hall. Knocking on the door she called out to Gareth.
“You still soaking?”
“Just suiting up. I’ll be out in a min.”
A ‘min’ huh? Pen thought.
Previous
First
submitted by Telemachusfar to HFY [link] [comments]
He looked down at his poor shell. Its color greatly diminished from the lack of food and immense stress of the whole ordeal. He could feel the buildup of toxins in his system before and it was wonderful to feel them washing out. He sighed and slumped down under the water. Again, he inspected his shell. Wilting and greying all over his eyes wandered to the crack made by Pen when she pulled him out of the way of the turret. Probably another two months to heal but it was coming along. She must have remembered it too when they were falling. She was gentler. It honestly surprised him that he managed to survive that fall without any major injury.
Gareth let his thoughts drift aimlessly as he soaked under the water. After a few minutes, though, he heard a thump from outside the tub. He rose up from the water and peeked over the lip of the tub. A small human child stared back from the washroom door. Small by human standards that is. He was shorter than Gareth but only by a few inches. If Ton’et’s human biology lessons were serving him well the boy wouldn’t remain much smaller than him for more than a year or so. He should be quickly entering a time of quick growth that humans experience periodically in their formative years.
“Mmmhmmmb” the boy mumbled, still hiding most of himself behind the door.
“What was that?” Gareth asked.
The boy shirked slightly but found his voice after a moment.
“You… You’re weird looking.”
Gareth chuckled.
“You’re the weird looking one.”
The boy's brow furrowed, easier to read than Pen by far. The child wore his emotions on his face.
“Nuh uh…”
“Yuh huh.” Gareth mimicked the child.
“No, you don’t look like anyone else here.”
“Well, I’m not from here, am I? I’m from a place where everyone looks like me and nobody looks like you.”
This seemed to puzzle the boy.
“How many people?”
Gareth tilted his head. An odd question.
“Lots? Trillions.”
“Is that more than here?”
It dawned on him the math the boy was doing.
“Definitely.”
“Darn…”
The boy lightly tapped the doorframe with his foot.
“You could go see them.” Gareth offered.
“Really?” A shine came to his eyes.
“Oh definitely, there's a ton to see. More places out there than trees in that forest outside.”
The boy didn’t understand trillions but that comparison made sense to him.
“Waoooaahhh,” a frown came to his face quickly, “but I like it here though. I have friends here.”
“So when you miss them, just come on back. No reason you cant enjoy both right?”
Gareth's words were a joyous revelation to the boy.
“I’d love that I think…”
“I think you would to.” Gareth chuckled.
“You may be weird but you're pretty cool. My names Cameron by the way.”
“Pleasure to meet you Cameron, I’m Gareth. I think you’re weird and cool too.”
Cameron giggled and sprinted away, stopped, turned around, closed the door gently, then turned back around and sprinted away again. Gareth sunk back down into the tub smiling.
Pen stepped under the shower head with her face turned up. Steaming hot water hit her face and ran down taking all the stress and sweat with it.
A proper shower was exactly what Pen needed. She was no stranger to dirt and sweat and when needs must, she had no issue. That said, filthy was by no means a preferred state and after two days hard march, sleeping in the dirt, and only washing off in a river, a proper shower felt divine. It almost reminded her of washing off after a particularly arduous drop. There was something especially satisfying about it.
Soap, warm water, and more time to enjoy it than she’d ever have been given on the Basho. After getting clean she turned the heat up as high as it could go and propped herself against the wall of the shower letting the water run over her shoulders and back. The heat melted through the tension and washed it down the drain.
Ahhhhhh. Perfect.
Something tickled her neck and she brought her right hand up to it. She pulled a long strand of hair away. It struck her as odd and brought her attention to her hair. It had gotten longer. The strand in her hand was almost alien due to how long it had been since she’d allowed it to grow out beyond a few inches.
She brought both her hands up now, raking them through the newfound length. She’d start having to wear it up if she didn’t want to cut it.
She kind of didn’t. Why should she?
After a nice long while in the hot shower she turned the water off and stepped out. The bathroom was heavy with steam, but she saw that towels and clothes had been set by the sink for her. She dried herself and examined the clothing. It was a simple handwoven dress, loose cut and floor length. The dress was dyed olive green and parchment white with a humble little leaf-like pattern embroidered around the wrists and neckline.
It certainly wasn’t her normal fare, but it was clearly a kind gesture and matched the clothing most wore around town. With how little worn and well taken care of it looked Pen could guess that it meant a lot to the person who donated it.
Pen donned it and looked to the mirror only to find it utterly fogged up.
A light knock came from the other side of the door.
“Are you alright miss?” a woman’s voice asked.
“Yea…” Pen faltered.
“Oh does the dress not fit? Or would you prefer something else?”
“No, no, it fits fine,” it did reach the floor though perhaps not as much as it was intended to, “How about you tell me how I look.”
Pen opened the door. Steam rolled out as she moved into the room with the young woman. She was a stranger to Pen but looked like the older lady whose house this was. Pen guessed a daughter.
“Oh my, I think you look quite nice! Olive is definitely one of your colors. Here!” The girl fumbled somewhat but showed Pen to a tall mirror in the far corner of the room.
It was… certainly a look. Not one she was used to but that was expected. The dress fit fine and it did look nice. Pen couldn’t help but notice, though, that it sat oddly on her. Not tight or revealing by any means, just… a gentler looking piece of clothing on a less than gently built frame. It wasn’t exactly made to be worn by a muscled body.
“Oh erm here miss,” the young woman handed her a hair tie but pulled back, “or if you want I could help you put it up? Its at that weird point where its not long enough to… you know but too long to uh it can be difficult. If you want I can…”
“I… appreciate it but I’ll be fine. I think I'll leave it down for now.”
“Right. Well, here. Just in case you want to.”
She again handed the hair tie but this time let Pen take it. Pen stowed it around her wrist.
“Is Gareth?”
“Oh yes your friend is across the street at the Patterson's. I can bring you over if you like.”
“Lead the way.”
“Of course.”
The girl led her out of the house and across the street. Pen saw a couple putting up woven cloth streamers across the road. They anchored them in trees with some parallel and others crossing.
As the girl stepped up the front porch of the, apparently, Patterson's house she waved to an older gentleman in a rocking chair.
“Evening Mr. Patterson. This is Penelope, she was just calling on her friend.”
“Evening dear. Evening miss. Yer friend hasn’t come out yet but you can head on up. To the left at the top, far end door.”
“Thanks.”
His hand came up to keep her just a moment.
“Thank you miss.” He said accentuating the ‘you’.
He looked at her like they all did. She knew what he meant and as awkwardly as it always was she smiled and nodded before she pushed past him. At least he had the good sense not to salute.
As she climbed the stairs just inside the door to the house she heard the man ask a question of the girl.
“Dear, could you ask your mother about a few fertilizer spikes? The peach is looking like it needs some help.”
Pen continued too far to make out her reply but could guess by its warm tone that it was a yes. She turned at the top of the stairs and walked to the end of the hall. Knocking on the door she called out to Gareth.
“You still soaking?”
“Just suiting up. I’ll be out in a min.”
A ‘min’ huh? Pen thought.
First
2024.05.29 06:10 GeometryDash_Gamer AS Characters Worst to Best
 | Previous posts: TDI, TDA, WT, ROTI submitted by GeometryDash_Gamer to Totaldrama [link] [comments] AS Character Ranking 15: Mal (El Mal Villano) - Yeah this guy is bad, but…not in the way the narrative wants us to see him. While he's not my personal least favorite villain, he is worse in the sense that we are supposed to take him seriously and see him as the 'ultimate' evil. And his downfall is the worst in the series without a doubt. As for his actual run as a villain, while his schemes are conceptually better than Island Heather, the dude makes himself way too obvious to be believable. And a handful of characters drop many IQ points for him to stay hidden as long as he does, Cameron having it especially bad. It’s also absolutely ridiculous that he did nothing upon being aware Mike is on the loose inside their brain, which makes me think maybe his stupidity was just contagious to others. Credit where it's due, he has his good moments and some occasional schemes that actually hit the mark for me. I also really like his voice, and he is surprisingly hilarious at times, both ironically and unironically. But no amount of boat noises, scaring Chris, mockingly imitating Mike in the confessional, or how funny the sheer stupidity behind some of his lies are, can make up for his god-awful writing and how much the season suffers as a result 14: Mike (Multiple Problems) - I could've just ranked him and Mal in one. But they are both terrible in separate ways that need more explanation to fully cover. On Mike's end, on top of being an objectively undeserving winner from a gameplay standpoint, his story is just depressingly bad in every way. His journey throughout his brain is underwhelming, save for a few amusing moments mostly from his alters. And he ironically doesn't get much focus despite being the most important character of the season. Especially not helping is that his development of learning to be more honest about his MPD in Revenge of the Island gets regressed here, and the plot requires him becoming brain-dead for Mal to gain complete control. Though I wouldn't be so hard on him if he actually learned from his mistakes like in Revenge. But as it stands, he learns nothing, everything works out ideally for him, and his plot concludes in a way that just all-around reeks of garbage storytelling. I wouldn't consider him one of the most infuriating characters, but there’s just very little I actually like about him. He is boring for most of his screen-time and fails as a protagonist on so many levels. And in some cases, a depressing character is worse than an infuriating one, especially given how important he wound up being to what was supposed to be the 'ultimate' season. The one thing I can actually give him credit for is that he had a good performance in a couple of challenges. Though beyond that, this season was a big fall-from-grace for him 13: Sierra (Codysexual) - At her worst, she sucks balls, and I think we all know why. Her obsession with Cody is incredibly cringe and unfunny, and the Camcody plot is especially cancerous with zero purpose of existing. With that said, she actually has some occasional moments I like, and she is surprisingly really good in episode 5 in particular. I also don't find her lows to be as bad as her World Tour incarnation. Though while she has more positives than most people give her credit for, I don't think Sierra's characterization here was anything either her fans or criticizers wanted 12: Jo (The Shot We All Wish Wasn't Cannon) - Jo had a promising start in the first episode, only for her remaining two episodes to turn her into an even bigger egotistical dumbass than she ever was in Revenge. Not only does she learn absolutely nothing from her mistakes, but she makes one of the stupidest challenge blunders in the history of Total Drama, yet has the gall to think she's still superior to her teammates. Her and Aleheather fighting for an alliance with Gwen was cool and made for some good comedy, but even then, it was very short-lived. And overall, her characterization here was just insulting and disappointing 11: Sam (Justice Against Gamer-phobia) - While the general premise of Sam being in this season was questionable, it could've worked…had they actually utilized him in any way. But as it stands, the dude does barely anything besides being a boring pain-magnet who is amusing in select moments at best, only for the one noteworthy moment he has to lead to a huge ass-pull that happened under completely nonsensical reasoning. Though I suppose in a way, his treatment in his elimination episode prepared us for what was yet to come. Speaking of which... 10: Duncan (The Flip and Flop #1) - All-Stars had the grounds to be one of Duncan's best seasons. But instead, he wound up being a painfully inconsistent mess with an exceptionally terrible sendoff to boot. Throughout Gwuncan, he repeatedly fluctuates between being nice and supportive to Gwen, and being an ignorant dumbass who for some reason tries to get Courtney's attention again (and not just in "Moon Madness" either). It's such an insulting direction to take him given he was clearly tired of her before and only came back to All-Stars for Gwen. And even in the context that he didn't truly get over Courtney, it never gets capitalized on and just makes him agonizingly stupid and pathetic. The premise of his nice-guy schtick is also dumb and makes him come off as an annoying crybaby. And while it had episodes where it worked a lot better, even the better aspects of it (i.e. his friendship with Zoey and any potential he had with his past history with Mal) get absolutely squandered in favor of making him lose every last brain cell he ever had, culminating in one of the worst sendoffs in the series and rendering his entire run in All-Stars worthless. I tried to like and defend Duncan this season. And afterall, it's Duncan so I'll always find things to like about him. But his flaws are far too glaring to look past. I don't think the writers had any idea what they wanted to do with him here. And the fact his portrayal repeatedly flip-flops between a likable and interesting character and a pathetic loser with zero self-awareness, makes him painful to watch. And given he's one of my favorite characters, it only makes this iteration all the more devastating... 9: Courtney (The Flip and Flop #2) - Also rather hit-or-miss even outside of her elimination episode, which completely assassinates her character. Courtney was just plain unlikable for no reason during her time on the heroes team, with not even a good challenge-performance to back it up. However, she got quite better during her time on the villains team. Not to mention, her moving on from Duncan and learning to just ignore him was nice. The less said about her friendship with Gwen, the better. Though her romance with Scott was surprisingly cute. And even if Mal came in and ruined it in the form of the godawful Cameron x Courtney plot, it just made me feel bad for her on her end. But of course her elimination episode wiped its filthy ass with anything good she had going for her, by putting great emphasis on her worst qualities and amplifying them by 100, all in favor of mercilessly trashing on her. It's almost scary how similar her and Duncan are regarding how they were treated in All-Stars, from the writers having no idea what to do with them, to both having the most insulting send-offs in Total Drama history. They both had potential to develop for the better, only for it to be completely thrown away. But like Duncan, it doesn't mean there weren't some good things about her 8: Cameron (From a Badass…to a Dumbass) - Yet another character who falls victim to some of Total Drama's worst cases of character assassination during his elimination episode. But compared to Duncan and Courtney, he didn't have any significantly bad moments beforehand, plus still had some cool moments. Him using Scott as shark-bait in episode 8 was an interesting morally-gray moment, and a really cool strat that almost got him out of last place in the challenge. It's a shame his elimination episode completely forgets about his intelligence and even strips away all his senses of basic human decency during the Cameron x Courtney plot. Admittedly, he wasn't consistently remarkable beforehand. And narratively, he does rather little despite being one of the first people to catch onto Mal. Nonetheless, he still had his good moments for me 7: Scott (The Farm-boy Buffoon) - Despite his personality change, I still find Scott pretty enjoyable at his best. It’s nice that he mellowed out, and his goofy side is endearing, coupled with some especially hilarious moments. On top of that, we get some pretty nice insight on his outside life. His romance with Courtney was surprisingly cute initially. Though unfortunately, he doesn’t stick out very consistently for me. And while his new strategy of laying low and having a better social game is valid, it’s not really capitalized on, and the strategic side of him barely gets touched on beyond his few attempts to find the immunity totem. To make matters worse, he got painfully dumbed down at times for the sake of Mal, and even left a sour last impression in his elimination episode for that reason. While he is one of the better parts of late All-Stars, he still leaves a lot to be desired 6: Gwen (Better Friend than Girlfriend) - While Gwen was always flawed writing-wise, this is the one season where her portrayal is genuinely problematic. She acts crappy to Duncan and Courtney on multiple occasions yet gets victimized compared to them. Her romance- I mean friendship with Courtney is super forced and cringe, and showcases both of them coming out on top over Duncan, even though all three did wrong in the Love Triangle. At least that’s until Courtney’s heel-turn down the line happens and ends with Gwen herself coming out on top, and finally “escaping her toxic relationships and ending the season with better friends while both Duncan and Courtney suffer”. There are so many things wrong with this narrative. Though even then…these aforementioned flaws didn't take up that much of Gwen’s character for me. She still has a handful of good moments outside of Duncan and Courtney. Her friendships with Cameron and Zoey are both wholesome and really brought out her more likable qualities. Besides this, she still has plenty of individual moments I like. She’s especially amazing in episode 9 in particular. All things considered, Gwen is still a good but very flawed character this season, and I get why some dislike her. Though I think All-Stars has some of her best highs in a while (besides the Action special) 5: Lindsay (The Smartest Character of the Season) - It says a lot that the very first boot manages to crack more than the half-way spot up this list. Lindsay still has some especially funny jokes, and her characterization is honestly not as bad as some people make it out to be. Her stupid moment was only a one-scene joke that was followed up with her doing the challenge. Plus, I can at least meme and argue that she just acted dumb on purpose to quit the competition, which is based given how disastrous this season turned out at its worst. And it was even implied she wanted to leave at some points. While I wouldn't unironically call her the smartest character of the season, I think she is still funny and leaves relatively unharmed compared to other characters 4: Lightning (Sha-larious Early Boot) - Despite lasting for only two episodes, the dude really delivered. I'd argue he's even funnier here than in Revenge, his pre-recorded message to Jo being my favorite joke from him yet. The only disappointing thing about him is that his background with his dad didn't get expanded on at all, which even then, ties more to "What could've been" rather than an actual characterization flaw. He's easily the least scathed in a season full of terrible writing, and was a hilarious early-season presence. You especially gotta love his badass challenge performance in episode 1 3: Zoey (Warm and Competent) - I'll admit, she didn't have much of an arc, and her obliviousness to Mal gets increasingly hard to defend as the season goes on. She was also occasionally over-powered to an annoying degree (mainly episode 3). But she still has many great attributes. She made for a surprisingly good team leader and performed well in challenges, pulling some especially cool feats. Though on top of that, she was incredibly kind and tried to see the best in everyone. And both her performance and kindness made her incredibly likable and easy to root for. She had great interactions with multiple people outside of Mike, most notably Duncan, Gwen, and even Courtney sometimes. In fact, had the season did the conclusion of the Love Triangle more justice, Zoey would've been the perfect character to help the three patch things up. All things considered, I find her a deserving winner. And despite her flaws, she’s one of the better parts of the season and a great protagonist for All-Stars standards 2: Heather (The Afterglow of a Queen Bee) - Sure she kind of goes back to being mean, and her taking pride in her villainy doesn’t make much sense when you take the World Tour finale into consideration. Though at least she isn’t as bitchy as she was in Island. Her relationship with Alejandro is still just as fun as ever and sometimes brings out her nicer side. Plus, their feelings for each other even get expanded on nicely in the finale. And all things considered, she’s not that bad in her elimination episode, despite being questionable at one point. Also, "Nice Heather" was an absolute treasure (rhyme not intended) 1: Alejandro (Diamond in the Dump) - Amidst a season that screwed over many characters, Alejandro is the biggest highlight. Even then, his elimination episode made him look weirdly weaker than usual at some points. And he maybe could've done more with his schtick of pretending his legs are still asleep. But while not the absolute least scathed as a whole, he was the least scathed as well as one of the most interesting characters that lasted through the merge. Put in a somewhat similar position to Action Heather, he was forced to rely on just his skills to get as far as he did with no one trusting him anymore. And as I said, Aleheather was still very fun this season. Their back-and-forth dialogue made for a lot of entertaining moments, and I really enjoyed watching them play mind-games with each-other throughout. Despite this, they also had some sweet moments and proved to genuinely care for each-other. In addition to this, it was very satisfying seeing him stand up to his older brother. His rivalry with Mal also had some really cool moments, especially on Alejandro's behalf. And it was a rare interaction where Mal actually had more struggles and didn't consist of Alejandro being entirely dumbed down, even if Mal came out on top in the end. While his highs aren't as good as his World Tour iteration, I think All-Stars was a nice progression for Alejandro in some ways, and further proved that you can involve the guy in just about anything and make it interesting |
2024.05.29 06:10 kaligeo possible rabies exposure?
so my 1 year old son and i was outside the house when a bat flew past us it was only about 2 or 3 inches away it was very close i felt the wind as it flew by it was a fruit bat, i think, because the fruits on our mulberry tree and would also drop fruit pits on the ground, i am terrified of rabies, i have been for a very long time, i know i wasn’t scratched or bitten i also know that my baby wasn’t bitten but i’m worried scratches, i checked my babies skin thoroughly and i dont see any scratch but i’ve read somewhere that bat scratches can sometimes not be visible, i live in the philippines where there is no record of rabies cases that is caused by bats, not even one, but i saw some posts online where any type of encounter or exposure with a bat is high risk? i guess i’m just looking to find some reassurance or anything that could help, i’m really worried about my baby, he didn’t react at all when the bat flew past us , it was very fast (i was carrying my baby btw) i’m just terrified, i told my husband but he thinks i’m just being paranoid i told him we should get my baby rabies vaccine but my husband doesn’t like vaccines if not very necessary hope anyone here with more knowledge about rabies and bats can reply with some kind of info thankyou so much
submitted by kaligeo to rabies [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 06:08 FloppyBisque Update: I was able to find how Pleasr and Gamestop seem to be ensuring a smooth NFT drop for GME Class A Shares
 | A lot of apes liked the Wu Tang find earlier today. I wish I could shout out the OG Korean ape who posted and who's shoulders I stood on when I made my last post. submitted by FloppyBisque to Superstonk [link] [comments] Another software engineer wrote up a good post about how this is either a nothing burger (I don't think it is), a grift (Pleasr strongly disagrees with this), or the biggest piece of hype in the whole saga. I showed him something new and this other ape, without being led there, came to the same conclusion I did, so I feel comfortable sharing this now. I am back to argue that I think it is the third option. This is the biggest piece of hype in the whole saga. Many people were asking "what if I don't have a wallet" or "what about people who have no idea how to use web3". I think I have the answer. A few apes have been URL hunting trying to see if we can hit any other endpoints on thealbum.com. One of them succeeded and found this. https://thealbum.com/gme https://preview.redd.it/uzskvhxpja3d1.png?width=1506&format=png&auto=webp&s=8932bad25dcad4617395f340005b39df77702227 Obligatory, ignore Robinhood. It was always going to be necessary as long as people hold shares there. And whether we like it or not, RH is involved and I would imagine that many people that hold in RH are OG apes. They probably have never sold and just checked out after the fuckery that went down. Now, back to the good stuff. If you click on Connect Robinhood, it brings open a popup that looks like it wants to use Plaid to integrate. I decided to bust out our trusty browser developer tools and see what I could find. What I found and what I concluded is exactly what the other software engineer ape mentioned to me when I showed them this URL. https://preview.redd.it/2hg4fphdja3d1.png?width=2400&format=png&auto=webp&s=74f53ff53e0218a26818007966311128ce938259 They are using a company called Privy. Why is this a big deal? Well, look for yourself. https://preview.redd.it/fz1guesgja3d1.png?width=1436&format=png&auto=webp&s=5ea2061561b735109ae26846b6d54551df57e2ec Onboard all of your users to web3. How do they do this? Airdrop. Does that sound familiar? It might. And that's probably because we've talked about this in this sub before, back when GameStop was clearly in their testing phase of their NFT marketplace. Cyber Crew actually posted about it and used it. What are crypto airdrops? Essentially, to this point, they have been a marketing strategy used by blockchain projects to distribute crypto coins or NFTs to large number of wallet addresses. Airdrops are typically used to promote awareness of the project, or perhaps reward loyal community members. Here’s how they generally work:
https://preview.redd.it/ytgfxufkia3d1.png?width=1738&format=png&auto=webp&s=409dbacfb2610e4ffbb1ab02953e375fe63457a8 This feels like the perfect time to use Privy if RC and Pleasr are trying to give out Once Upon A Time In Shaolin out to GME holders. Oh look, here's what Privy says on their site. https://preview.redd.it/5nfp80mjja3d1.png?width=1500&format=png&auto=webp&s=e41f276adc682cc32aee27766ae1156357edba4c A web2-caliber UX? What does that mean? Well, Web2 is the version of the internet where people can create and share content on social media and websites. It’s all about interacting with others online. If you are old enough to remember Web1, that was when websites were just static places you can visit. So Web1 is this: Static HTML and CSS: https://preview.redd.it/9gnxx8ekja3d1.png?width=1018&format=png&auto=webp&s=96bd89c3fef8ecd78fc4c0c5281ea6d44607f610 Web 2 is like Reddit. It's interactive. I can post, edit, delete, etc. Web3 is the next version of the internet where people use blockchain to own and control their data. It makes online activities more secure and decentralized. To this point, it has been very hard to use and that's why we haven't seen mass adoption. Privy makes it feel like Web2 with Web3 underlying tech. They are going to make it so we basically just login to our brokerages or wallets depending on what you have, and you will be able to listen to your (theoretically of course) brand new, exclusive, NFT Wu Tang album. Oh, and shorties, each album is going to be specific to each one of our shares. You know, the 351,000,000 shares that are the only ones that exist. And if it just so happens that 300,000,000,000 shares exist, you'll have to close those shorts because you won't be able to deliver our NFT dividends because you can't counterfeit that, and I don't know about the rest of you apes, but I am DEFINITELY going to want to listen to my album and I will not accept a cash replacement like they did with Overstock. Also, fuck you, I'm not selling. This is how you protect yo neck. Check mate bitches. I'll see y'all on Uranus. https://preview.redd.it/l3nqtgkria3d1.png?width=1190&format=png&auto=webp&s=f92141277fdb20445b4b4ac90ef53a3085c00184 |
2024.05.29 06:08 brackishbrandywine Stepping ain’t easy & I think my only choice is to resign
I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions cause us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.
submitted by brackishbrandywine to RedPillWomen [link] [comments]
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions cause us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.
2024.05.29 06:08 kaligeo terrified of rabies exposure
so my 1 year old son and i was outside the house when a bat flew past us it was only about 2 or 3 inches away it was very close i felt the wind as it flew by it was a fruit bat, i think, because the fruits on our mulberry tree and would also drop fruit pits on the ground, i am terrified of rabies, i have been for a very long time, i know i wasn’t scratched or bitten i also know that my baby wasn’t bitten but i’m worried scratches, i checked my babies skin thoroughly and i dont see any scratch but i’ve read somewhere that bat scratches can sometimes not be visible, i live in the philippines where there is no record of rabies cases that is caused by bats, not even one, but i saw some posts online where any type of encounter or exposure with a bat is high risk? i guess i’m just looking to find some reassurance or anything that could help, i’m really worried about my baby, he didn’t react at all when the bat flew past us , it was very fast (i was carrying my baby btw) i’m just terrified, i told my husband but he thinks i’m just being paranoid i told him we should get my baby rabies vaccine but my husband doesn’t like vaccines if not very necessary hope anyone here with more knowledge about rabies and bats can reply with some kind of info thankyou so much
submitted by kaligeo to AskDocs [link] [comments]
2024.05.29 06:06 mikeramp72 Endgame #14
14th: Jud “Fabio” Birza (Nicaragua - Winner)
MOVIE STAR JUD \"FABIO\" BIRZAu/SMC0629:
Fabio, my second favorite winner of the entire show, he’s just too much fun. He perfectly encapsulates the trainwreck that is Nicaragua, and is the best winner for it as well. He gets to the end by just being himself, a decent amount of luck, physical strength, and a tiny bit of strategy. I know there’s some who seem to think Fabio is brought down by this factor of the edit building him up to know what he was doing, apparently undermining everything before the endgame. If you ask me though, who’s to say he DIDN’T have a tiny strategic mind in there? It seemed perfectly reasonable and in character for me, and it only improved him for me. Love Fabio, so happy he made it this far.
~
u/DryBonesKing:
From the same editing program that watered down Mike Gabler from OTT weirdo to a CP-lite strategic player “hiding in plain sight”, we have his prototype - the OTT blond surfer-bro that the players literally changed his name from Jud to Fabio because of how he comes across that gets a watered down CP-lite strategic edit of “they don’t realize I’m actually really smart, y’all!” Quit being cowards CBS! Give us the Goofball Fabio winner edit! #LetFabioBeFuckingWeird
I stand by the Gabler-Fabio comparison, but despite how much I dislike how the CP-edit kills Gabler’s character potential, I think Nicaragua does somehow make it work with Fabio. I blame the cast itself; with people like NaOnka, Marty, Jimmy T, Jane, Shannon, Dan Lembo, and whatever the fuck a “Benry” is supposed to be, “Fabio” almost does come across sane in comparison. As such, he can get these confessionals about pretending to be dumb and it does almost work just because the people he is surrounded by just feel literally ripped from Loony Tunes.
But despite it kinda working here, I do think Fabio is hilarious when he’s just allowed to be this weirdo that no one takes seriously, that ultimatley ends up winning because he’s surrounded by two people who have truly pissed off the jury. He’s a fun character with a truly unique winner’s story, and ultimately, I just REALLY dig his vibe. I wish I had him Top 100. But I also just wish we got a full season with the “real” Fabio as opposed to the occasional cuts to CBS trying to water him down to his most strategically-presentable version. #LetFabioBeFuckingWeird #ReleaseTheFabioOTTWinnerEdit
Overall Rank – 115/821
~
u/Zanthosus:
While I’ve never been as big on Nicaragua as many in the rankdown circle, I still appreciate a lot of what the season does and represents. And I think that Fabio’s win is the perfect ending for the clusterfuck of a season that preceded it.
~
u/Tommyroxs45:
Fabio’s run on Nicaragua is simply iconic and is a great way for the season to end. Having this likable underdog beast his way to the end under all odds against him is so satisfying. I’m happy he made this endgame even if I personally don’t have him here.
u/Regnisyak1:
Fabio is cool. I have him probably lower than a lot of people comparatively, but he was a ray of sunshine on such a negative season, and his win coming out of nowhere was great. He played the surfer bro role correctly, and while I don’t think he necessarily had the greatest ability to lead a season, he is a necessary feature in making it thrive and giving it such a large cult following here. Glad he made it after a long gap.
Personal Rank: 77/821. 9/10.
~
u/ninjedi1:
Jud “Fabio” Birza (1st Place, Nicaragua)
I love Fabio. He’s easily one of my favorite winners of all time. Every time I reevaluate my winners rankings, Fabio at worst will be the third best winner for me. Plus, as an added bonus, he also stars in my favorite B movie of all time, My Stepbrother is a Vampire!?!, which I won on DVD (I’m not joking, who do you think got the screenshot of Fabio for this writeup?). I mentioned in my Colby 3.0 writeup how I consider Nicaragua the last true old school season of Survivor, and that’s because it feels like a big fuck you to strategy, and Fabio plays a huge role in it. Enough of simply stating my love for Fabio’s character, it's time to describe why he’s so great.
The first episode properly sets Fabio up as who he is as a character this season. He gets the first confessional of the season, talking about how dangerous it really is out there and how it's not like the zoo cause it's all real (the first hint of the winner for being the first confessional of the season). He then gets put on the young people tribe, which he says are his people. One of Fabio’s main characteristics gets shown right at the start, where he basically says that they could use a snorkel flipper to collect rainwater, and when Chase said Fabio looked like he would be good in the water, Fabio instantly gets a woodchip in his foot, making him rescind the comment. Shannon then has a confessional where he calls Fabio a dumb blonde, and it instantly cuts to Fabio getting pinched by a crab claw. He then starts calling Fabio his titular nickname…uh…Fabio. This quickly catches on in the tribe, and even at the first challenge where Jeff tries to talk to “Jud”, the tribe corrects him, saying that they only know Fabio. This is Fabio’s first characterization, that he’s a goofball that isn’t taken seriously. While that’s a big characterization, it's not the most important one. The important one is shown in his confessional responding to his new nickname. He comes off surprised that everyone is calling him Fabio, calling the guy a cheeseball, but then says that he doesn’t care what people are going to call him cause he’s going to win the million dollars (in the weirdest audio edit ever) so people can call him Fabio. This highlights his second characterization, and the most important one, he is aware of what other people think of him.
Of course, just because he’s aware of his status doesn’t necessarily mean he has great strategic capabilities. This is shown in the first La Flor vote, where it's looking to be between either Shannon and Brenda, and Fabio was voting for Brenda with Shannon’s. However, Shannon has a huge meltdown at tribal, which clearly would be bad to stick with and would be better to switch sides. However, Fabio ends up sticking with Shannon anyways, voting for Brenda and going “I guess this is the vote?”, which put him on the outs. This would normally be an issue, but since everyone sees him as a goofball, he’s not near the bottom of the pecking order. It also helps that La flor will win every immunity from here on out until the swap happens, and while not happy at first that a swap was happening, he happy with the end result, as he ends up in the majority with the OG La Flor members, although some La Flor members aren’t too happy to work with Fabio strategically. Luckily though, Fabio would successfully make it to merge, where his true game would begin.
I would usually just talk about what Fabio did throughout the merge, but I would rather highlight his interactions with key people from the merge, as they all highlight Fabio’s main characteristics to varying degrees and also help add to his story.
Alina
Alina and Fabio don’t interact too much, as Alina would spend most of her time with Kelly B and then gets swapped onto Espada when the tribe swap happens, separating her from Fabio. But when they return at the merge, Alina ends up getting targeted for her involvement with the missing food fiasco. When she tries to pitch to Fabio to keep her around, he just flat out tells her that people want her out cause she’s dangerous and people think she always has a hidden motive. This does reflect back to earlier in the game, when they were both at the bottom but no one was worried about Fabio and wanted Alina and Kelly B out first. This would carry over all the way over to that moment now. Fabio has more on the pulse in the game than people think as shown here, and he’s able to avoid it due to how he plays up the perception of him.
Marty
On paper, it makes no sense for Marty to vote for Fabio as the winner. How could the most strategic guy on Espada vote for the least strategic person in the game? However, the relationship they develop over time is what really shines. When Marty gets swapped onto La Flor, everyone from OG La Flor either wants him out, or to use him for strategic gain. Fabio is really the only guy from OG La Flor that has his back. Fabio tells Marty about Naonka getting the clue, and when OG La Flor wants to split the vote and get Marty out, Fabio fights for Marty to stay. Even though Marty does trick Fabio by claiming he was a chess grandmaster, he does warm up to Fabio. They even work together at the merge, although that ends up being short-lived as Marty is taken out
Naonka and Purple Kelly
I have to lump these two together since they both highlight the one issue with Fabio’s story. Unfortunately, since both of them quit, they both get slaughtered by the edit, which in turn ends up hurting Fabio’s story since they’re both key to it. With Naonka, she is Fabio’s biggest adversary. She finds his antics way more annoying than funny, and actively yells at him when he complains to her about something, and pretty much dislikes him all around. The feeling appears to be neutral while there on La Flor, but not all is what it seems. When merge comes around Fabio and Naonka reunite again, they actually hug and get along. Even if that ends up being short lived when Naonka steals food, but when she gets cornered and comes clean about it, Fabio is the only one to thank her for doing that. Eventually, all that kindness pays off when at the F9 reward, Naonka is the one to fill him in on the Brenda vote. When FTC comes around, Naonka, despite everything that they’ve been through, calls Fabio her hippy friend and asks about how seeing his Mom gave him the strength to keep going, and Fabio gives a heartfelt answer, telling her about how much he misses his Mom and that it was the fuel he needed to make it all the way to the end of the game. Despite their rocky relationship, Naonka ends up giving Fabio her vote to win.
Purple Kelly is another important aspect of Fabio’s story that unfortunately gets buried due to the assassination edit given to Purple Kelly. Everyone knows that Kelly was miserable due to being given very little clothes to keep her warm during Nicaragua’s monsoon season, which led to her quitting. The only real time it gets acknowledged is when Fabio mentions that now Purple Kelly can sleep when they win the tarp, which is barely heard because it happens the same time that Chase finds a hidden immunity idol clue in the tacklebox. But it's interesting that Fabio is the one to vocally acknowledge it, as he’s the one who’s most involved in it. It's never mentioned, but you do always see it. Multiple times throughout Nicaragua, you can see Kelly wearing Fabio’s yellow jacket. He allowed her to wear it sometimes when she was cold to help her stay warm. Just that kind of gesture along from Fabio helping her out the best he could, led to her voting for Fabio to win in the end.
Benry
I don’t have much to say about Fabio’s relationship with Benry, but there are two things I want to highlight from it. The first is during the Marty vote, where Benry says that the best plan is to lay low and play stupid, while Fabio says that he hated playing stupid but it was the smartest thing to do. Fast forward to the F7, and the vote is between Fabio and Benry. The main alliance of Chase, Sash, Holly, and Jane are deciding who should go between Fabio, who everyone on the jury loves and could win, or Benry, who could go on an immunity run to the end. While Fabio is in general clueless at the vote and is still “playing stupid”, Benry ends up playing really hard to get the vote onto Fabio, which freaks out Chase and leads to the alliance voting out Benry over Fabio. And guess who ends up going on an immunity run right after F6 and makes it to the end and wins?
Jane
At the first merge immunity, it's a double immunity where the last standing man and woman would win immunity. When it came down to the men, the last two guys standing were Fabio and Chase. Ultimately though, it would be Chase that drops first, giving Fabio immunity. The only person that Fabio really had to compete against was Jane. This is a great foreshadow to the end of Jane’s store as well as the continuation of Fabio’s. Both of their stories are kind of similar overall, both of them end up on the outs of their starting tribe, they get new life when the swap happens, they're both overall well liked, and they were both screwed over by Chase during the loved ones visit. Both of them had strong cases to win the game just with overall likability, but one of them would have to go to allow the other one to thrive, and when Fabio comes in clutch to win F6 immunity, the majority alliance decides to cut Jane as a threat, allowing Fabio to fully harness Jane’s power to get to the end.
Sash and Chase
Once again I’m going to lump these two together because they are the ones that end up sitting next to Fabio at the end. You have big strategy Sash and country boy Chase. On paper, it should be one of these two that should win the season instead of Fabio. They were both in control for most if not all of the game, and the only reason why Fabio was there was because he won a couple immunities at the end. But yet, Fabio is the one to clutch out the title of sole survivor. Why? In my opinion, it's because Fabio is always himself, so people see him as a genuine guy, while the other two come off as terrible or fake.
Sash's main game is strategy, doing whatever he needs to get ahead of the game and make it farther. Any bond he has with someone is only on a surface level which makes him come off as sleazy and slimy, while Fabio is always genuine with his feelings and relationships with people. No one highlights this better than Marty. Marty’s main relationships involving La Flor were mainly Fabio and Sash. While Fabio always liked Marty and gets to know Marty on a personal level, Sash only really talks to Marty for strategy and cons him out of his idol on the promise of keeping him around longer. And when Sash no longer needed to keep Marty around anymore, he burned him and voted him out. Everything Sash does comes off as slimy to everyone, even his allies, while Fabio remains pure and genuine.
With Chase, it's a bit of a different story. Chase wants to be the good guy, but gets caught up in the strategy, and keeps ending up being on both sides. He always gets flip floppy and wishy washy when it comes to voting someone out or for rewards, which ends up annoying people. It's not a problem at first, but it definitely is when he starts making promises to people that he can’t keep which upsets them more, hurting his image and makes people like him less. The biggest example to this is the loved ones visit where he promised to take Fanio on reward with him if he won. However, Chase ends up burning both Fabio and Jane, who expect Chase to pick her. This leads to both Fabio and Jane being upset, and even Fabio telling Jane about the promise Chase made, which also pissed off Dan who was there. Chase always wants to maintain being the good guy while he is playing the game but struggles because of his indecisions and breaking of promises, while Fabio is actually able to maintain that status all throughout.
This all pays off at FTC, where we finally get to see Fabio speak out against the two guys, talking about how he actually got to play the game that Chase wanted to play. He talks about how played hard by being himself and being an open book for everyone, and never backstabbed anyone in the game which Sash could never do and Chase wishes he could do. He laughs when Sash calls him a wingman, telling him to take a backseat and take some notes. He doesn’t even let jurors who put him down get in his way, as when Alina says that he wants to vote for a man to win, not a boy, Fabio said he deserved to win, and when Chase said that winning three immunities didn’t mean he outwit, outplay, or outlast hi, Fabio points out that that’s outplaying him and he chose to bring Chase to the end and then says that Sash didn’t outplay anyone. I know people usually say that Chase had the better FTC performance since he flipped votes to his side, but that doesn’t matter (and is also wrong) as Fabio will end up clenching a 5-4 victory in one of the best endings to a season I could ever ask for, and that’s awesome.
SMC0629: 5
DryBonesKing: 19
Zanthosus: 20
Tommyroxs45: 15
Regnisyak1: 21
DavidW1208: 7
ninjedi1: 2
Average Placement: 12.714
Total Points: 89
Standard Deviation: 7.889 (3rd Highest)
2024.05.29 06:05 Dinosaurnamedbee My Best friends ex is obsessed with me, (and possibly everyone ever.)
I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3
submitted by Dinosaurnamedbee to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3
2024.05.29 06:04 Senior-Reception-578 If not orca then?
So I've ridden a Orca for two seasons. And I'm looking to compare more boards to it. My favorite things is powder, powder trees, powder steeps, powder slashes, and finding powder. I have a gold member that i ride on non powder days. It's fun to bomb and carve on that board but it's like driving a yach through the trees. It has okay float but likes to dive.Both boards are fun gong off natural drops and hitting kickers. Overall orca is a bit more playful compared.
So what board would be like an orca but more powder geared? I'm in the pnw so snow is wet and heavy. Sometimes there are mellow runs where I need more speed and have to pump to get through and sometimes get stuck. I've gotten better at not getting stuck and keeping speed. And then
submitted by Senior-Reception-578 to snowboarding [link] [comments]
So what board would be like an orca but more powder geared? I'm in the pnw so snow is wet and heavy. Sometimes there are mellow runs where I need more speed and have to pump to get through and sometimes get stuck. I've gotten better at not getting stuck and keeping speed. And then
2024.05.29 06:00 Choice_Evidence1983 [New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Chemical-Scarcity964
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
RECAP
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!
Good luck!
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
Previous BoRU
[New Update]: AITAH for refusing to help my FIL with a vehicle?
Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, deaths of loved ones, financial struggles, cancer
Original Post: December 3, 2023
I (38F) have been married to my husband (43M) for almost 15 years. My FIL has never really accepted me as family. He referred to me as "my son's wife" for the first 5 years of my marriage & when he convinced us to go halves on a property insisted on only his & my husband's names on a survivors deed, "in case we divorced". In the last few years, he has struggled financially due mostly to poor choices he made. His wife, husband's step mom, is much older & has medical problems leading him to choose to work mostly from home. He has traded in vehicles numerous times in the last few years, supposedly trying to lower his payments, but is always upside-down on the loans that it doesn't work. He is paying close to $1000 a month on a minivan. Now here is my problem.
My FIL is currently trying to guilt trip my husband into giving him one of several vehicles I inherited. I had two uncles pass away 3 weeks apart during the holidays more than a year ago & I am still going through the probate process because they passed so close together. I do not have the court's permission to do anything with their vehicles yet.
He told my husband how much it would help him to have one of the vehicles so that he could let his car go back on repo & not have to make the payments. I may have considered it too, if he had waited more than a couple weeks after my both uncles passed away. I was, quite litterally, knee deep in a horders paradise, trying to clean out their apartment within the month to avoid having to pay rent because i couldnt afford it and had no access to their money (strike one). He picked out which vehicle he wanted, the most valuable of the 4, rather than asking if we had plans for them yet (strike two). Then he asked my husband to give him said vehicle (strike three). As a cherry on top, asked my husband again (still has never asked me) to give him a $10k vehicle after we pay for all the little repairs it needs, of course.
Here is where I might me the Asshole: Do I need the vehicle? No. Could I use the money from its sale? Yes, but I could live without it, too, as our finances are better now. Will I sign it over to him? Never. This is far from the first time that man has shown utter disrespect for me & he can pay for rides before I give him any vehicle. Yes, I am probably being a little childish. The only reason I hesitate, I actually like his wife & it would help her to some extent.
Edit to add: My husband has already told me that the vehicles are mine & I can do whatever I want with them.
Since it's been mentioned a few times: he has been bought out on the property & my name added.
Edit for clarity & to address the most common responses: My husband acts as a buffer against FIL for the sake of my sanity. He has told FIL multiple times that the vehicles are not his to do anything with, but the man is intentionally dense. His wife cannot legally own a car as it cannot be registered in her name (no license) I will not loan/rent him a vehicle as I can't trust that he will maintain it.
Relevant Comments
akhoneygirl: Offer him the worst for 3 or 4000!
OP: That's part of it. He wants us to fix & give him the vehicle. All of them need at least a few hundred in repairs. He has no interest in paying us for anything. He is just set on guilt tripping his son. My husband has told me everything from the start & said it's all up to me, my uncles, my vehicles, my decision.SawwhetMA: So FIL set you up to lose out on a property if your SO passed away before FIL did? I'm glad to hear you bought him out and that's set now . If you find it in your heart to give him one of the vehicles then you may be a better person than I because I'm not sure if I could, given the history. What if (when probate is set and all) you offer to rent him one of the vehicles? Obviously that isn't what he wants, but you'd get some income but still own it to sell it when he was done with the vehicle?
Good luck!
OP: He would run it into the ground & I would end up having to go get it when he refused to pay. It's just frustrating because I like his wife & would consider doing it to help her, if he would just man up & ask. Instead, he tries to play the poor me card.Dixieland_Insanity: INFO:
How does he know what you're inheriting from your uncles. Why does he think he's entitles to any of it?
OP: He knew my uncles fairly well since they were basically the last of my family. He doesn't really know what the full inheritance is, but the vehicles were the most obvious. He has told him no a couple of times. Everything FIL gets tight on funds he asks again.Cdn_Giants_Fan: Not The A•H. But that said I would probably sell him one of the vehicles for its bluebook value and say pay 100 bucks a week. And if he says anything about it saybthat perhaps if you weren't such an asshat to me I would've just let you have it. Then if he starts being nice after it's partially paid off tell him hes good. He learns a lesson and you earn some money.
OP: I would never see a dime. He thinks that being "the father" means he is owed something from my husband and, by extension, me. Honestly, even if he offered me full value in cash, I would probably laugh at him & tell him to shove off.VadersLoversLover: Gift it to your MIL with a lien on it so he can’t change to title.
OP: Due to a medical issue, she can't drive and had to surrender her license. That makes it impossible to register it in her name because she can't be insured as a driver.
Update #1: December 11, 2023
You guys asked for an update, so here you go. I have had a long talk with my husband about FIL & his "request" for one of the vehicles I had inherited. I showed him my original post & he got a good laugh out of some of the suggestions (especially the toy car). We have agreed that the only way to handle his constant hints & requests, is for me to draft an email to him. For reference: FIL loves to send me rude & demanding emails when he "feels unheard."
The email will not be sent until I know that probate is done & is as "polite & civil" as I can possibly write it. The jist of the email I typed up is this:
"I understand that you have been asking husband to gift you one of my uncles' vehicles. Unfortunately, you have chosen to speak to the wrong person. I have told you before that, in some things, his business is his & mine is mine. The vehicles that you keep asking about are mine. As such, I have decided that they will be sold at a fair market value. The funds will be split evenly into savings accounts for my daughters, as a seed for their futures. I already have buyers lined up for the vehicles & will be arranging times for them to be collected shortly. I hope you can understand my desire to ensure that my childrens' futures are secure, as my uncles would have wanted."
I am tempted to sign it as "husband's wife" but am undecided right now.
Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post. Your thoughts & support helped me a lot. I was genuinely on the fence as to whether or not I was being too sensitive about everything. You were all amazing & supportive about the entire mess. I just hope that this email to him puts an end to his covert begging once & for all (at least about this). And yes, my husband is behind me 100% and has no issues with my approach.
----NEW UPDATE----
Final Update: May 22, 2024 (five months later)A few people have reached out to ask so here it goes.
Everything is finally settled. The vehicles are sold, except one I decided to keep for my oldest to learn on when she gets her permit.
I didn't send my FIL the email, although I do still have it saved. Turns out I won't have to. As of a few weeks ago, I am getting a divorce. My, now stbx, husband decided that he no longer wants to play house. He moved out & I am in the process of packing his things. Since the vehicles and my house were all inherited, he has no claim to them or the money from their sale. Yes I double checked the law in my state. If he would have waited a few more weeks, I would have paid off every debt we had, but he didn't. So he saved me a bunch of money by telling me before I commingled my inheritance funds with joint assets.
I don't know how his family will act towards me & our kids when he finally tells them all. His brother has called to make sure he is still allowed to keep in touch but he is the only one I've heard from so far.
Oh and as a bonus: the week before I found out about my impending divorce, my mother (who I was never close to) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away a week later. She was 58 years old, the same age my uncles were. So, yeah, it's basically just me & my kids against the world now.
Anyway, that's the update.
Relevant Comments
OOP on moving forward with her life and personal issues going on in her family especially health issues
OOP: Thank you. Its kinda sad that your kind words are enough to make me want to cry because it's expected that I am the strong one for everyone else. I don't really get to give myself time to be weak. And you are right. If it were not for my kids, I probably would have been completely broken.
My uncles had other health problems, no cancer at all that I know of & most of our family lived into their 70s and 80s. I am definitely working on getting my little health concerns checked out, though.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.29 05:59 SpiritPilgrim Was I (M36) a terrible partner to her (F35)?
Hello women of Reddit,
I'm going through a very rough time emotionally and spiritually and have always found peace when I express my thoughts by writing them out so I figured I would find a Subreddit to express myself and see what strangers who are impartial to my situation will say. There's always two sides to a story, so I'll be mindful to not sit here like a narcissist trying to paint a holy picture of myself and an unholy one of her. I pledge to be completely honest, even if I am burned at the stake in the comments for any wrongdoings of mine. Please note there's a limit to how many characters I can type in here, so 20 years of history for important context will need to be summarized as much as possible. I'll do my best to keep it relevant and share the parts that matter.
In my first year of high school at age 13, a friend of mine was dating a girl from a different high school that he would bring around to hang out with us. She seemed like a nice girl as far as I could tell, but I couldn't help but notice how literally everyone who had something to say about her would always highlight and emphasize that she was a slut and they would tell stories about stuff she has done when she was drunk. I didn't think much of it at the time because why would I? It had nothing to do with me. Soon after, I moved to a different high school and cut ties with that friend.
A few years went by, and one day out of nowhere to my surprise, she called my house to say hi, and to see if I wanted to hang out. I decided to hang out with her because I learned from her that she was no longer dating the guy I met her through, and we were somewhat acquainted already so it felt ok. We started to hang out a lot and I started feeling those fuzzy feelings in my stomach where I knew I was beginning to develop feelings for her, and so much that I was finding myself "borrowing" my dads' car when I didn't yet have my license just to be able to go see her. People around me who knew her started to notice that her and I were getting close, and I started getting warnings from literally dozens of people to not bother with her because she's a slut, and she's just going to hurt me in the end. Despite all these warnings, the feelings I had inside of me for her at that time were too strong to ignore, so I ended up ignoring the warnings people were giving me and wanted to judge her from my experience with her rather than other people's words.
During the time I was hanging out with her, I soon learned that she was apparently seeing or casually dating someone new, which of course bothered me because I liked her and I could feel from her that she liked me too. I started noticing that certain times in evenings she would not answer her phone at all and because I was increasingly growing so in love with her, I literally would begin to sit outside her place down the street in a car just to see what the hell she was doing certain evenings that she wouldn't answer my calls. Of course, it soon became obvious to me that she was going to see this guy she was "seeing" because she would always jump in a taxi very late night and get dropped off at the same house. I'm ashamed when I look back and realize that I was somewhat stalking her and being creepy, but the intentions weren't bad but rather just a little too curious, and it was also killing me inside to see her casually seeing this older guy who I felt was probably just exploiting her for sex. I say that because it was weird to me that she never hung out with him during the day as friends like her and I did but only went to see him late at night, so my mind started messing with me a lot and all the rumours about her started coming in as intrusive thoughts. I'm already a person who has a very deep depth of conscious thoughts so I can sometimes get very deep into my imagination and that's not really a good thing when the mind goes into dark and negative places.
One day during an afternoon I dropped by her house unannounced and I knocked on her house door but no one answered even though I was sure she was home. I went to the side of the house and climbed up on a utility box below her bedroom window that she would always sneak out of, so I can look through the window and maybe get her attention, and I instantly couldn't believe my eyes. There she was butt naked having sex with her ex-boyfriend, the guy I was friends with in early high school. I felt sick to my stomach that I walked right into that so I quickly left to my car and immediately drove off. It was so disturbing to see this and also to realize she was fucking an older guy and also liked me, all three at the same time. I never brought that up to her during that time because it was just too foul to mention. One night, she called me and asked me if I can pick her up from a friend's house because she had too much to drink and couldn't get home safe, so I said okay. When we got to her house, she asked me to help her inside, and so I did and next thing you know when we are sitting on the couch her hands are in my pants, she pulled me into her bedroom, and we had sex for the first time. This was when I lost my virginity.
After this point her and I began to start sleeping with each other regularly and of course it made me love her more and more. I couldn't deal with the circumstance the way it was and so I got very serious with her and let her know I was not cool with what she's doing and that she would need to stop this madness. We got into a lot of arguments and fights about what she was doing and we fought and fought, until one day she suddenly out of nowhere came to me and said she "broke up" with the older guy. She told me she wanted to be official and be a real exclusive couple together with me. I felt this sigh of relief go through me, but also somehow it didn't feel as good as it could've or should've had I not known all these past issues about her.
Here we are suddenly an official couple, and I started realizing that I had this deep insecurity anytime she would say she wanted to go hang out with her girlfriends and "guy friends" to party. I wasn't into drinking and partying at that age and so I would always tell her no, especially if other guys are around, but she didn't care what I had to say and would do what she wanted anyway. When I would try to stop her, she would fight me and tell people that I was being controlling. I felt like I had no power and didn't know what to do because I always thought she will get drunk and do somethign with other guys and that scared the shit out of me.
Soon after I randomly met a girl at a friends house who took interest in me. One day just like that I decided to hang out with her and I ended up cheating on my GF with her. I regret that I did that but looking back on it, I feel like I did it because I was so insecure and upset deep inside at everything I was going through with my GF and her going out partying and drinking with other guys around that I just didn't care anymore and went with it. She eventually found out that I cheated, and demanded I end contact with that girl and I did. I saw that it actually hurt her and I apologized for it and luckily for me she forgave me despite showing serious displeasure. I explained to her that I messed up and I did it because I thought she was likely cheating on me anyways and I had a hard time getting over her past. We both agreed to move on from that. That was when I was 19 and it was the only time I ever cheated on her. I learned from that one mistake I made.
A few more years went by, and still she was giving me a very hard time when it came to going out drinking with her friends. I was working very long 16-hour days at that time, and it never sat well with me for her to go out and get drunk when I'm not present. We continued to fight and argue over this, and she simply never understood me on why I didn't want her to do this. I would do this because I knew that when she drinks, she's not herself at all. She becomes very flirty and inappropriate, and I didn't want that to happen if I'm not around to look after her and stop her from doing dumb shit. Either way, she would do it and ignore what I say. I got fed up with this and ended up breaking up with her. During this time of being broken up, I started trying to see other girls and despite meeting other women in platonic terms, my heart kept wanting her back. So after six months of being broken up, I went back to her and tried to talk to her to see if she wanted to get back together and try to have a fresh start. She immediately showed interest, but she said she had to let me know during the time broken up that she started seeing and having sex with someone else. Despite not offically being a couple at that time, it shattered me. Why? Because I couldn't believe that after everything we went through, she would just go and fuck another dude who was clearly exploiting her for sex. I know that because she dropped him in the snap of a finger to come back to me, so obviously there was nothing of substance there other than her avoiding being alone. I cried about it and ultimately accepted being together again.
Many years went by again and new problems came up, now she is comparing me and us to her friends and their boyfriends. Giving me a hard time that I don't buy her designer bags and spend money on expensive items for her. I would argue with her over this a lot because to me, it was just stupid to be buying junk like this when you don't have too much money to spare, especially at our age, but she didn't care. Every day was arguing and fighting and her putting me down simply for not buying her designer bags. This is when I began to notice that I was starting to get verbally abusive towards her with name calling, belittling and shaming for stuff she's done wrong. There were also many times where I would get physical with her too by grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her out of frustration during arguments because she would drive me insane with her words. I didn't know how else to express my anger so it always translated mostly into insults about her promiscuity and history. Anyway, eventually I got so fed up with her that I ended up telling her to take a hike and that I don't want to be with her if this is the type of person she's going to be by disturbing the peace in our household with constant comparisons to others. I didn't actually literally mean it when I told her to take a hike and leave and this is something I would often say when we would fight because when I'm angry I feel like I mean it but whenever I would calm down I knew I didn't want her to actually leave. She of course eventually took it literally, and when she did leave this time she immediately started seeing another guy. How did I know? I used 'find my phone' on her iPhone at that time to track her very strange movements and pulled up on her one day while she was with another man. The man shit himself when he seen me, kicked her to the curb and drove off while texting her to forget him. Her reason for doing this was, "you kicked me out, we are not together, and I don't want to be with you". All that just because I didn't buy her chanel and louis vuitton designer bags that her friends boyfriends were buying for them. Me being the low self-esteem insecure loser, I ended up trying to once again work things out with her and reconcile our relationship because I was afraid to lose her and be alone. It's embarassing to admit this but that's the truth.
Again more years went by and I had noticed that a depression and anxiety struggle I had over the years was starting to get pretty bad. Luckily in 2018 I was able to cure my depression in the Amazon Jungle of Peru by participating in several Ayahuasca ceremonies but unfortunately it didn't do anything to help my crippling anxiety. After that trip when I came home from Peru and she was again beginning to show signs of discontent by comparing me to other peoples boyfriends and was giving me a hard time every single day about stupid shit. She was telling me I don't do anything for her, despite over the years sending her on so many vacations with her friends and giving her thousands of dollars of spending money, bankrolling her business she started and so much more. I was taking so much of this from her on a daily basis that it was driving me insane to where I told her once again during the heat of an argument to take a hike if she thinks I'm so bad and of course she did just that. She never stopped to think of all the things that I have done for her but only seemed to focus on what I wasn't doing for her.
After she moved out we still talked regularly and I started noticing she was acting a bit weird. One night I asked her to go out for dinner and drinks and when we got back to the house she passed out drunk and so I went through her phone. I immediately went to her texts and found out she was seeing someone and the texts indicated it was potentially and most likely physical and so of course I lost my shit. I woke her up and confronted her about the texts and I will never forget the smirk she had on her face. I couldn't believe that once again she would do this and especially after fighting over dumb shit like comparing me to others. Everything I learned about this guy she was now seeing indicated she got with him because he appeared to have money. I felt this because she ridiculously and shamelessly stated she liked his Mercedes G-Wagon and all the comparisons to other people and the bad influences she had around her was obvious to me. Sadly, I again let myself down and begged her like a little bitch to stop talking to him and she was not wanting to this time. I was so fucking pathetic that I paid her a very very large six figure sum of cash to come back to me and to leave this guy. Before the cash offer she wasn't showing interest to come back but once I mentioned the money and bought her some jewellery, she suddenly was warming up to wanting to come back to me. I did, however, throw some contingencies in there that she had to come with me to Peru to participate in Ayahausca ceremonies because I felt like she had some serious internal issues and traumas that she also needed to sort out to change for the better. I felt like the reason she was always behaving so reckless and so concerned with other peoples lives and all these comparisons was because of some deep rooted traumas. I say this because she grew up without a father and without money so this is something I always considered about her and kept in mind. Participating in Ayahuasca circles really opened my eyes to trauma and behavior issues we humans have from stuff in our childhood so I knew all these messed up things she's doing stems from a root cause of something in her early life experience. It was certainly the reason why I needed healing because I had my own traumas from my childhood that was affecting my life and behavioir as well. Anyway, she hesitantly agreed and we went to Peru together. When we were in the jungle I felt her energy during one particular Ayahuasca ceremony and she seemed very scared and showing a side of her that I didn't see before. I knew right then and there that she is suffering from something in her soul that that she wasn't even aware of. I always did notice and pickup on her very serious lack of self awareness that she still seems to struggle with to this very day.
We got back home and everything seemed alright. I started noticing she was different in a way I hadn't witnessed before. Different in terms of her energy and her aura. One day she suddenly out of no where told me "after ayahuasca, looking back on myself, I feel like I was possessed by something very dark considering how I used to behave" .. She was referrng to her reckless beahvior and essentially saying she can't even believe her own past behavior and feels like she wasnt herself and now she is waking up and snapping out of it. I swear to god I cried tears of relief when she said this to me and I felt like maybe, just maybe we can have a normal life now. She also at this same time made a promise to me that she would never ever repeat those same behaviors again and that even if we were fighting one day and separated temporarily on a break for whatever reason, that she would give me the respect of letting me know before she talks to or dates any other men. Sounded very good to me of course.
Well, unfortunately Ayahuasca isn't a one trick pony and often times it requires many many ceremonies to fully heal deep rooted subconscious traumas and if you don't go back and finish what you started, you can slip back into old habits especially if you don't put in the work to change from the lessons you learn. I can only speak for myself and can say that I was still not doing too well with my anxiety and I wanted to go back to Peru again to do more work on myself. This time I left to Peru in 2021 and when I came back she was again suddenly being so nasty and mean to me when I was in an energetically sensitive state. Once again every single day back to comparing me to other men who shower their women with money and saying I never do anything for her like the entire past 17 years of everything I did for her, giving her cash, jewellery, vacations and cars all was nothing. The past didnt matter, it only mattered what I was doing for her in the moment. She drove me so insane for six months straight that one day I blew up and told her to either stop or get out. She decided to pack up and move out on her own. I tried to stop her but she didn't and she went anwyay. Some months went by and we would talk on the phone and she would tell me she realizes she has a lot of work to do on herself and that she is trying to heal herself. I told her great, I'm happy to hear that and I really did feel like maybe she might need this time alone to heal and it could possibly be what she needs. Well, unfortunately for me, she once again revealed to me a little over a month ago that she is talking to another man AGAIN and despite promising me she wouldn't do so without talking to me first, she did anyway. Her reason for breaking her promise is "were not together and I owe you nothing". She went as far as showing me text messages between her and this man from the USA and I asked her why she would rub that in my face and she said "I showed you that text so you can see that there are real men out there who wont just give bread crumbs to their woman". According to her, all I ever gave her was bread crumbs despite spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of my own money on her over the years, I am now being measured up with random men she met on dating apps. Here's the kicker, we dont live in the USA and she's been talking about wanting to move there for the last couple of years. Interesting how she now suddenly is speaking to a man online from there. You can draw your own conclusion on the motive for that.
The sad part of this all is that despite the resentment, I still love her......
Well, there you have it. That's the story of my pathetic life. I imagine I will be shamed and told how much of a loser I am and I probably deserve it. Either way, I want to hear what some of you think.
submitted by SpiritPilgrim to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]
I'm going through a very rough time emotionally and spiritually and have always found peace when I express my thoughts by writing them out so I figured I would find a Subreddit to express myself and see what strangers who are impartial to my situation will say. There's always two sides to a story, so I'll be mindful to not sit here like a narcissist trying to paint a holy picture of myself and an unholy one of her. I pledge to be completely honest, even if I am burned at the stake in the comments for any wrongdoings of mine. Please note there's a limit to how many characters I can type in here, so 20 years of history for important context will need to be summarized as much as possible. I'll do my best to keep it relevant and share the parts that matter.
In my first year of high school at age 13, a friend of mine was dating a girl from a different high school that he would bring around to hang out with us. She seemed like a nice girl as far as I could tell, but I couldn't help but notice how literally everyone who had something to say about her would always highlight and emphasize that she was a slut and they would tell stories about stuff she has done when she was drunk. I didn't think much of it at the time because why would I? It had nothing to do with me. Soon after, I moved to a different high school and cut ties with that friend.
A few years went by, and one day out of nowhere to my surprise, she called my house to say hi, and to see if I wanted to hang out. I decided to hang out with her because I learned from her that she was no longer dating the guy I met her through, and we were somewhat acquainted already so it felt ok. We started to hang out a lot and I started feeling those fuzzy feelings in my stomach where I knew I was beginning to develop feelings for her, and so much that I was finding myself "borrowing" my dads' car when I didn't yet have my license just to be able to go see her. People around me who knew her started to notice that her and I were getting close, and I started getting warnings from literally dozens of people to not bother with her because she's a slut, and she's just going to hurt me in the end. Despite all these warnings, the feelings I had inside of me for her at that time were too strong to ignore, so I ended up ignoring the warnings people were giving me and wanted to judge her from my experience with her rather than other people's words.
During the time I was hanging out with her, I soon learned that she was apparently seeing or casually dating someone new, which of course bothered me because I liked her and I could feel from her that she liked me too. I started noticing that certain times in evenings she would not answer her phone at all and because I was increasingly growing so in love with her, I literally would begin to sit outside her place down the street in a car just to see what the hell she was doing certain evenings that she wouldn't answer my calls. Of course, it soon became obvious to me that she was going to see this guy she was "seeing" because she would always jump in a taxi very late night and get dropped off at the same house. I'm ashamed when I look back and realize that I was somewhat stalking her and being creepy, but the intentions weren't bad but rather just a little too curious, and it was also killing me inside to see her casually seeing this older guy who I felt was probably just exploiting her for sex. I say that because it was weird to me that she never hung out with him during the day as friends like her and I did but only went to see him late at night, so my mind started messing with me a lot and all the rumours about her started coming in as intrusive thoughts. I'm already a person who has a very deep depth of conscious thoughts so I can sometimes get very deep into my imagination and that's not really a good thing when the mind goes into dark and negative places.
One day during an afternoon I dropped by her house unannounced and I knocked on her house door but no one answered even though I was sure she was home. I went to the side of the house and climbed up on a utility box below her bedroom window that she would always sneak out of, so I can look through the window and maybe get her attention, and I instantly couldn't believe my eyes. There she was butt naked having sex with her ex-boyfriend, the guy I was friends with in early high school. I felt sick to my stomach that I walked right into that so I quickly left to my car and immediately drove off. It was so disturbing to see this and also to realize she was fucking an older guy and also liked me, all three at the same time. I never brought that up to her during that time because it was just too foul to mention. One night, she called me and asked me if I can pick her up from a friend's house because she had too much to drink and couldn't get home safe, so I said okay. When we got to her house, she asked me to help her inside, and so I did and next thing you know when we are sitting on the couch her hands are in my pants, she pulled me into her bedroom, and we had sex for the first time. This was when I lost my virginity.
After this point her and I began to start sleeping with each other regularly and of course it made me love her more and more. I couldn't deal with the circumstance the way it was and so I got very serious with her and let her know I was not cool with what she's doing and that she would need to stop this madness. We got into a lot of arguments and fights about what she was doing and we fought and fought, until one day she suddenly out of nowhere came to me and said she "broke up" with the older guy. She told me she wanted to be official and be a real exclusive couple together with me. I felt this sigh of relief go through me, but also somehow it didn't feel as good as it could've or should've had I not known all these past issues about her.
Here we are suddenly an official couple, and I started realizing that I had this deep insecurity anytime she would say she wanted to go hang out with her girlfriends and "guy friends" to party. I wasn't into drinking and partying at that age and so I would always tell her no, especially if other guys are around, but she didn't care what I had to say and would do what she wanted anyway. When I would try to stop her, she would fight me and tell people that I was being controlling. I felt like I had no power and didn't know what to do because I always thought she will get drunk and do somethign with other guys and that scared the shit out of me.
Soon after I randomly met a girl at a friends house who took interest in me. One day just like that I decided to hang out with her and I ended up cheating on my GF with her. I regret that I did that but looking back on it, I feel like I did it because I was so insecure and upset deep inside at everything I was going through with my GF and her going out partying and drinking with other guys around that I just didn't care anymore and went with it. She eventually found out that I cheated, and demanded I end contact with that girl and I did. I saw that it actually hurt her and I apologized for it and luckily for me she forgave me despite showing serious displeasure. I explained to her that I messed up and I did it because I thought she was likely cheating on me anyways and I had a hard time getting over her past. We both agreed to move on from that. That was when I was 19 and it was the only time I ever cheated on her. I learned from that one mistake I made.
A few more years went by, and still she was giving me a very hard time when it came to going out drinking with her friends. I was working very long 16-hour days at that time, and it never sat well with me for her to go out and get drunk when I'm not present. We continued to fight and argue over this, and she simply never understood me on why I didn't want her to do this. I would do this because I knew that when she drinks, she's not herself at all. She becomes very flirty and inappropriate, and I didn't want that to happen if I'm not around to look after her and stop her from doing dumb shit. Either way, she would do it and ignore what I say. I got fed up with this and ended up breaking up with her. During this time of being broken up, I started trying to see other girls and despite meeting other women in platonic terms, my heart kept wanting her back. So after six months of being broken up, I went back to her and tried to talk to her to see if she wanted to get back together and try to have a fresh start. She immediately showed interest, but she said she had to let me know during the time broken up that she started seeing and having sex with someone else. Despite not offically being a couple at that time, it shattered me. Why? Because I couldn't believe that after everything we went through, she would just go and fuck another dude who was clearly exploiting her for sex. I know that because she dropped him in the snap of a finger to come back to me, so obviously there was nothing of substance there other than her avoiding being alone. I cried about it and ultimately accepted being together again.
Many years went by again and new problems came up, now she is comparing me and us to her friends and their boyfriends. Giving me a hard time that I don't buy her designer bags and spend money on expensive items for her. I would argue with her over this a lot because to me, it was just stupid to be buying junk like this when you don't have too much money to spare, especially at our age, but she didn't care. Every day was arguing and fighting and her putting me down simply for not buying her designer bags. This is when I began to notice that I was starting to get verbally abusive towards her with name calling, belittling and shaming for stuff she's done wrong. There were also many times where I would get physical with her too by grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her out of frustration during arguments because she would drive me insane with her words. I didn't know how else to express my anger so it always translated mostly into insults about her promiscuity and history. Anyway, eventually I got so fed up with her that I ended up telling her to take a hike and that I don't want to be with her if this is the type of person she's going to be by disturbing the peace in our household with constant comparisons to others. I didn't actually literally mean it when I told her to take a hike and leave and this is something I would often say when we would fight because when I'm angry I feel like I mean it but whenever I would calm down I knew I didn't want her to actually leave. She of course eventually took it literally, and when she did leave this time she immediately started seeing another guy. How did I know? I used 'find my phone' on her iPhone at that time to track her very strange movements and pulled up on her one day while she was with another man. The man shit himself when he seen me, kicked her to the curb and drove off while texting her to forget him. Her reason for doing this was, "you kicked me out, we are not together, and I don't want to be with you". All that just because I didn't buy her chanel and louis vuitton designer bags that her friends boyfriends were buying for them. Me being the low self-esteem insecure loser, I ended up trying to once again work things out with her and reconcile our relationship because I was afraid to lose her and be alone. It's embarassing to admit this but that's the truth.
Again more years went by and I had noticed that a depression and anxiety struggle I had over the years was starting to get pretty bad. Luckily in 2018 I was able to cure my depression in the Amazon Jungle of Peru by participating in several Ayahuasca ceremonies but unfortunately it didn't do anything to help my crippling anxiety. After that trip when I came home from Peru and she was again beginning to show signs of discontent by comparing me to other peoples boyfriends and was giving me a hard time every single day about stupid shit. She was telling me I don't do anything for her, despite over the years sending her on so many vacations with her friends and giving her thousands of dollars of spending money, bankrolling her business she started and so much more. I was taking so much of this from her on a daily basis that it was driving me insane to where I told her once again during the heat of an argument to take a hike if she thinks I'm so bad and of course she did just that. She never stopped to think of all the things that I have done for her but only seemed to focus on what I wasn't doing for her.
After she moved out we still talked regularly and I started noticing she was acting a bit weird. One night I asked her to go out for dinner and drinks and when we got back to the house she passed out drunk and so I went through her phone. I immediately went to her texts and found out she was seeing someone and the texts indicated it was potentially and most likely physical and so of course I lost my shit. I woke her up and confronted her about the texts and I will never forget the smirk she had on her face. I couldn't believe that once again she would do this and especially after fighting over dumb shit like comparing me to others. Everything I learned about this guy she was now seeing indicated she got with him because he appeared to have money. I felt this because she ridiculously and shamelessly stated she liked his Mercedes G-Wagon and all the comparisons to other people and the bad influences she had around her was obvious to me. Sadly, I again let myself down and begged her like a little bitch to stop talking to him and she was not wanting to this time. I was so fucking pathetic that I paid her a very very large six figure sum of cash to come back to me and to leave this guy. Before the cash offer she wasn't showing interest to come back but once I mentioned the money and bought her some jewellery, she suddenly was warming up to wanting to come back to me. I did, however, throw some contingencies in there that she had to come with me to Peru to participate in Ayahausca ceremonies because I felt like she had some serious internal issues and traumas that she also needed to sort out to change for the better. I felt like the reason she was always behaving so reckless and so concerned with other peoples lives and all these comparisons was because of some deep rooted traumas. I say this because she grew up without a father and without money so this is something I always considered about her and kept in mind. Participating in Ayahuasca circles really opened my eyes to trauma and behavior issues we humans have from stuff in our childhood so I knew all these messed up things she's doing stems from a root cause of something in her early life experience. It was certainly the reason why I needed healing because I had my own traumas from my childhood that was affecting my life and behavioir as well. Anyway, she hesitantly agreed and we went to Peru together. When we were in the jungle I felt her energy during one particular Ayahuasca ceremony and she seemed very scared and showing a side of her that I didn't see before. I knew right then and there that she is suffering from something in her soul that that she wasn't even aware of. I always did notice and pickup on her very serious lack of self awareness that she still seems to struggle with to this very day.
We got back home and everything seemed alright. I started noticing she was different in a way I hadn't witnessed before. Different in terms of her energy and her aura. One day she suddenly out of no where told me "after ayahuasca, looking back on myself, I feel like I was possessed by something very dark considering how I used to behave" .. She was referrng to her reckless beahvior and essentially saying she can't even believe her own past behavior and feels like she wasnt herself and now she is waking up and snapping out of it. I swear to god I cried tears of relief when she said this to me and I felt like maybe, just maybe we can have a normal life now. She also at this same time made a promise to me that she would never ever repeat those same behaviors again and that even if we were fighting one day and separated temporarily on a break for whatever reason, that she would give me the respect of letting me know before she talks to or dates any other men. Sounded very good to me of course.
Well, unfortunately Ayahuasca isn't a one trick pony and often times it requires many many ceremonies to fully heal deep rooted subconscious traumas and if you don't go back and finish what you started, you can slip back into old habits especially if you don't put in the work to change from the lessons you learn. I can only speak for myself and can say that I was still not doing too well with my anxiety and I wanted to go back to Peru again to do more work on myself. This time I left to Peru in 2021 and when I came back she was again suddenly being so nasty and mean to me when I was in an energetically sensitive state. Once again every single day back to comparing me to other men who shower their women with money and saying I never do anything for her like the entire past 17 years of everything I did for her, giving her cash, jewellery, vacations and cars all was nothing. The past didnt matter, it only mattered what I was doing for her in the moment. She drove me so insane for six months straight that one day I blew up and told her to either stop or get out. She decided to pack up and move out on her own. I tried to stop her but she didn't and she went anwyay. Some months went by and we would talk on the phone and she would tell me she realizes she has a lot of work to do on herself and that she is trying to heal herself. I told her great, I'm happy to hear that and I really did feel like maybe she might need this time alone to heal and it could possibly be what she needs. Well, unfortunately for me, she once again revealed to me a little over a month ago that she is talking to another man AGAIN and despite promising me she wouldn't do so without talking to me first, she did anyway. Her reason for breaking her promise is "were not together and I owe you nothing". She went as far as showing me text messages between her and this man from the USA and I asked her why she would rub that in my face and she said "I showed you that text so you can see that there are real men out there who wont just give bread crumbs to their woman". According to her, all I ever gave her was bread crumbs despite spending hundreds of thousands of dollars of my own money on her over the years, I am now being measured up with random men she met on dating apps. Here's the kicker, we dont live in the USA and she's been talking about wanting to move there for the last couple of years. Interesting how she now suddenly is speaking to a man online from there. You can draw your own conclusion on the motive for that.
The sad part of this all is that despite the resentment, I still love her......
Well, there you have it. That's the story of my pathetic life. I imagine I will be shamed and told how much of a loser I am and I probably deserve it. Either way, I want to hear what some of you think.
2024.05.29 05:56 Fillasophical Need hope
For about 2 years I have done nothing. I have been unemployed and have had an income through government supports which i no longer have and have lost my house my cats and my girlfriend. In December I stopped taking my medications because I was sure they were causing my issues. It seems like all my issues sky rocketed once I took risperidone for a few months. I feel like I have no personality, no thoughts, no feelings, except rage and distress. My life feels like a constant state of being in agony in my mind. I read and read and read and all I come to find is that apathy is permanent and you can't get rid of it. If this is the case why should I keep on living. What life is this? I can't do anything because I don't know what to do or rather I think why do anything. If my existence as a human is lacking the part what makes it a human experience then why do I exist. My whole life ive been babied. Mother paying my bills when I cant and making appointments for me and what not.
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway
submitted by Fillasophical to anhedonia [link] [comments]
Ive spent so much time on NPD or ASPD or schizoid or AvPD that I'm convinced I have some sort of cluster b personality disorder and all I can think of is why would I even try to live my life when I am nothing more than a walking pathology and don't really have a personality just a brain that works off IF statements like a line of code.
People get to experience life without having to second guess themselves all the time but that's the only thing I can do, to the point where i simply don't do anything because I'm not really doing anything I'm just acting.
I cold turkeryed lamotragine, sertraline and this other medications for sleep, I can't even remember what I was on and now I feel like I have brain damage. I can't think I can't enjoy anything I cant feel love for anyone, but I also wonder if I ever did. And it's debilitating, I constantly wonder If I ever was someone with a "soul" or if I have always been just a robot with a reactionary function to the world. If this person says this then say this back. Everything seems so fake and unreal and I honestly think I have a block in-between my brain and reality.
When I got evicted I moved into my friends parents place where he stays and now I'm stuck and can't stand it anymore. Was he even my friend though or just someone who also partied alot. I don't want to be around people I don't want to have to explain to these Christians that I can't just go to church and be cured and that my depression is a choice. For the past 2 years I've been stuck in some purgatory state and it doesn't make any sense how any living being could even feel this way. It's literally hell on earth.
I cant move out because I don't have an income and I can't get an income because in all honesty If I had a job I would quit after a week. 1 year ago I almost had a job and I did an interview and the first day of work on the way there I turned around went home and blocked all the phone numbers associated with it.
I cant get supports because by the time I'm half way through the process I realize nothing matters reality isn't real my thoughts are fake I'm a psychopath anyway so why would I bother. I applied in December and didn't follow up and just did it again. 2 weeks ago.
When I graduated in 2019 I was drinking every weekend and in 2021 started trying drugs with my best friend, we did mushrooms and acid a couple times and a few times molly on the weekends. I've been drinking since grade 9, not every weekend but any chance I could, every party, every family event and holiday. Around 2020 I became a pothead and I would smoke insane amounts of weed, some days I smoked 3.5 grams a day some days I smoked 7 grams a day but more or less from 2020 to 2023 I would smoke non stop with no breaks unless around peopoe who disaproved, waking up in the night to smoke ,sometimes twice. I also took shrooms every like 3 months for a year or so and would be able to say that I've done them 3 times a year atleast from 2020 to 2023. All while being on these meds that I have been convince are neurotoxic and designed to give you brain damage. Oh and I've tried cocaine 3 times in the last year aswell. Never did much of it tho.
So I've lost all hope in living a life that is human. I feel void of myself I don't know who I am, I constantly feel like I'm pretending and acting to be human and can't connect with anyone and they would never know I feel this way.
The past 2 years I have don't nothing but sit at home with my blinds closed and hope no one is going to knock on my door as I sit for I hours a day staring at my phone googling and resding reddit and coming to the conclusion that I have some sort of psychosis or skitzophrenia or paranoia. My friends will call and I'll watch it ring until it stops and won't reply to my family. Because whats the point in trying to be human when I am no longer a human thanks to the cognitive issues I have to face.
And there's no hope online. You have anhedonia? It's the same everywhere I look, people replying to other people's posts or articles with "same here been 20 years now." So what's the point. How am I to know if it's depression or ASPD or NPD or Permanent Apathy from being chronically staring at my phone since I was 14 and watching gore and porn since I was that age. There's no knowing, there's no certainty in my own cognition or personality, not that i have one anymore. It's like do I have this cluster b? Who knows because if I did I wouldn't let a therapist know because I'm scared I do so I don't touch on it. Everything is a loop and a pardox of mental illnesses. I should have never read anything and I could have just been like "yup I'm depressed" now I have to worry if I should even try.
I moved to this place I'm in in december and just threw all my belongings in a room and I walked over everything until a couple weeks ago I threw out thousands of dollars worth of stuff because it's in the way and I dont have my own place anymore so things don't have a designated place. Threw out my computer, my tv, my model cars and all the model building supplies I had, airbrushes compressors hundreds of paints and brushes and clamps and just so much shit because those are people things let alone the human aspect of putting them somewhere.
Now I have cloths and a phone so running away will be easier. But where to go? Food costs money, I'm just tired of not feeling like a human and realizing everything I owned was just part of the act anyway. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. It's all that goes through my head all day long even if I did I wouldn't know it because I'm too far gone and it would be second guessed. I've now hyperfocused on the fact that laying down and staring at my phone for 2 years straight has, if not amplified, solidified my brain damage beyond repair. Because I feel nothing all day I just stare at my phone. But I can't do that anymore because now I'm expected to be a human in this household that I no longer want to be in. I'm completely isolated and I prefer that but I don't but I do but I don't but I do. It's like I want to be able to have friends and connect with someone but that's impossible because I'm just some empty emotionless husk with pure apathy and so I don't know what to do anymore.
I could get back on meds but isn't that the cause of this. The chemical lobotomy at its finest, causing you to need more of itself.
I dont see any hope anywhere because I want to be someone who has emotions but I have none and I want to be someone who has a human experience but I am not one. What do I do? Suicide? No there's ways to cope. I don't want to cope. What the fuck? You think coping with hell on earth is better than dieing? Why would I cope when all I have then is to look around at the world going "oh look that person feels this, thats something I can't do" because that's all that goes in inside.
I just say what I think someone is expecting to hear and then I think we'll isn't that what everyone is doing? Their all saying the same shit anyway but then I think we'll no they say what they say because they feel a certain way. Something I can't do, feel. Because im a sociopath. Being out if this household could help I'm sure but that's not even fathomable. Even with supports at max I can't afford a ppace of my own. I'd have to rent a room with a stranger, but it's funny because even those who aren't strangers are strangers now.
I shower once a week because why would I shower that's a human thing. I am not human anymore. I am void of humanity.
23 and dead. Who would have thought.
No one understands any of this so I just say I'm depressed and they think i shoukd try therapy and meds. Whats that going to do? Give my sociopathic brain the ability to not be a sociopath? If only they knew what distress and pain I feel every second of every day.
Ontop of all that even I was able to come back to myself it's just constant ocd of where should I place this and when or what or where should I do and what's the most optimized way to do this or that and why is that there instead of here and how do I know if here or there is better.
So now I guess I'll go back on ssris, and go back to thinking I'm poisoning myself and then repeat this cycle until death.
I'm just gonna run away and start stealing to eat because nothing matters anyway