Note: Forgive my lack of correct military terminology. By “medals” I mean the patches worn on the breast of a military dress uniform jacket and any other such embellishment.
Eisenhower must have earned a ton of medals, but when I look at pictures of him he typically displays only a few. And in different pictures from the same era, he wears different amounts of them. Sometimes two rows, sometimes more.
Any insight as to what medals he displayed and why?

I (17F) have been feeling a little off since my last period (ending 4/15). I've had a little bit of nausea which is not abnormal for me, tender breasts, sensitive stomach, and I've been like really moody... crying all the fucking time. I didn't think to take a pregnancy test and just attributed my physical ailments to stress of graduating HS and just thinking about life and the fact that I'm going to be a real adult soon and all that jazz.
I only became worried and took an early pregnancy test on Sunday morning (5/12) because I was a few days late (which i also attributed to stress), and there was a very very faint line which did not show once the test was dry so I assumed it was just negative and went on with my day.
That night I started feeling some cramping which was the same as my normal period cramping and went to bed thinking I would just wake up and start my period the next day.
At school yesterday, Monday (5/13), I started bleeding and it was much much heavier and darker than usual, with a few really large clots of blood that I haven't seen before in the 7 and a half years I've been menstruating. I use a menstrual disc, so I see everything. I am still bleeding heavily, but less so and there has been less frequent, more period-looking clots today.
I know my body and I don't feel normal right now but I don't want to believe that I was pregnant and looking at pictures of other people's miscarriages is not helping me figure it out because I didn't have any of the white tissue or anything just big blood clots and a lot of cramping.
My boyfriend and I only use condoms and we had a little malfunction during my period last month but he didn't like finish inside of me or anything.. we caught it first.
The only person who knows that I am concerned is my best friend. My boyfriend doesn't know, neither my parents nor my sister know, and I don't know if or whom I should even tell.
Can someone please help or just lie to me and tell me I'm fine and it's just my period because I can't bring myself to talk to my mom because I don't want to upset her as she had 4 miscarriages and a hard time getting pregnant in general so I don't want to trigger anything for her. I've been crying all day and I just feel so... guilty? I don't know what about but I feel awful. I feel like I lost something but I don't know if there was anything to lose to begin with.

My poor little boobies have been through some serious abuse and I've been told that once I'm all the way finished for awhile and the skin has time to shrink back that they do go back to looking at least a little closer to the original.
I have no idea though if my nipples will ever be ok again. I have 3 babies and decided that allowing them to self wean would be the best choice for us, so my oldest weaned shortly after his fifth birthday, my middle was done around his second birthday, and now I'm 9 months into nursing my baby with no idea how long she'll go. I had 8 months breastfeeding through pregnancy and then 2 years tandem. I actually sat down with a calendar and in the past 8 years, I have only spent a little under 22 non consecutive months neither pregnant or breastfeeding.
My oldest was a twiddler from hell, so I knew from the beginning to not even let the others start, but the 2 youngest are such horrible biters. My nipples now are like too long if that makes sense? They stretch way far away from my actual breast like freaking gumby and the dark brown of pregnancy has faded, but they're still darker than before kids. They look like they literally have calluses on them.
Do they shrink back down to normal size, return to their natural color, and maybe the calluses fade away? I'm having a hard time picturing like physiologically how a nipple would even be able to go back to normal. Did anyone else go back? Did the rebound seem to correlate in any way to the duration and severity of how they were treated?
I'm grateful I've been able to provide this for my babies and I don't regret doing what I believed to be the best thing at the time, but honestly in retrospect, I'm not sure if I would do the same thing again. I'm trying to focus on the benefits for them, but when I look at them (my boobs, not my kids) I just think of how much of a mental, physical, and emotional toll this has taken on me over the years and I get so sad by how ugly they've become. Please tell me there's hope eventually 😭

I (17F) have been feeling a little off since my last period (ending 4/15). I've had a little bit of nausea which is not abnormal for me, tender breasts, sensitive stomach, and I've been like really moody... crying all the fucking time. I didn't think to take a pregnancy test and just attributed my physical ailments to stress of graduating HS and just thinking about life and the fact that I'm going to be a real adult soon and all that jazz.
I only became worried and took an early pregnancy test on Sunday morning (5/12) because I was a few days late (which i also attributed to stress), and there was a very very faint line which did not show once the test was dry so I assumed it was just negative and went on with my day.
That night I started feeling some cramping which was the same as my normal period cramping and went to bed thinking I would just wake up and start my period the next day.
At school yesterday, Monday (5/13), I started bleeding and it was much much heavier and darker than usual, with a few really large clots of blood that I haven't seen before in the 7 and a half years I've been menstruating. I use a menstrual disc, so I see everything. I am still bleeding heavily, but less so and there has been less frequent, more period-looking clots today.
I know my body and I don't feel normal right now but I don't want to believe that I was pregnant and looking at pictures of other people's miscarriages is not helping me figure it out because I didn't have any of the white tissue or anything just big blood clots and a lot of cramping.
My boyfriend and I only use condoms and we had a little malfunction during my period last month but he didn't like finish inside of me or anything.. we caught it first.
The only person who knows that I am concerned is my best friend. My boyfriend doesn't know, neither my parents nor my sister know, and I don't know if or whom I should even tell.
Can someone please help or just lie to me and tell me I'm fine and it's just my period because I can't bring myself to talk to my mom because I don't want to upset her as she had 4 miscarriages and a hard time getting pregnant in general so I don't want to trigger anything for her. I've been crying all day and I just feel so... guilty? I don't know what about but I feel awful. I feel like I lost something but I don't know if there was anything to lose to begin with.

I found a 4 leaf clover last Sunday. Everyone believes it is cursed and want me to get rid of it. I am not sure if it's actually cursed though, or if it actually gives goodluck. The reason Everyone thinks it's cursed is because I found it last Sunday, and the next day (monday) is when the tragedies started. Most of the tragedies have a goodluck, badluck to them. Neutralized luck is what I call it. Neutralized luck is where a bad thing happens to you, but you got lucky it wasn't worse. You can clearly see how it would be worse, but Goodluck stopped it. Most but not all of the tragedies are like this. The first tragedy is my house caught on fire last Monday. The breakerbox exploded and shot out flames. We ended up and having to stay in hotels this last week. The Goodluck is the door to the breaker box flash welded to the gas pipe. Got lucky Everyone isn't dead. Got lucky only the breaker box was damaged. Insurance is probably covering it. From there things just kept happening. My brother in law had heart problems and was in the ER for 3 days. He got lucky to not have a heart attack. Just irregular beat for those days. Next my mom and I worked is worked at the same place. She ended up and getting fired on friday. I'm exhausted because we worked the night shift and they wanted me to work despite the fire because everything's closed during my hours anyway. We will have to see how my work relations go after that. Next my roommates girlfriend might have a tumor in her uterus. His mom has a lump on her breast. And his dad is on his death bed. We will call him roommate number 1. Roommate number 2 his childhood dog died on thursday. We have two dogs and my friend was watching one for us and we had the other. We would let the dog into the backyard of the house during the day. I left her there and went to church. Someone broke into the garage and house and left the doors open. They stole a gun from the house and either took the dog, or she ran away. We don't know. My friend that is watching our other dog just called me crying. The other dog broke his outside leash and ran into the highway and got hit by a car. He was dead immediately.
The bad things keep piling up. But there are good events to counteract some of the bad. Not all have solved yet. The dogs are a hard one. The gun worries me that it will be used in a crime and I will get blamed. I did report it to the police. Everyone believes that the 4 leaf clover is cursed because that's when this started. It's from a type of clover that does not grow 4 leaves. The normal 4 leaf clover from Ireland is a different type. So this one is a mutation. I look at it as rarer and luckier because of the mutation. I look at it like I found a shiny Pokémon. Everyone else says it's bad because it's mutated and the bad genetics create bad luck. I am torn because I don't want to just get rid of it. As a kid I spent hours looking for 4 leaf clovers before I was told these ones won't grow them. So it was a childhood disappointment fulfilled.
So what I was thinking of doing. Is maybe I will post it on ebay as the cursed 4 leaf clover. I will include this story printed out. I will gather as much proof of the tragedies as I can. I know my house was in the paper. Maybe I will get a clipping of it. I have it taped in a vinyl tape but I also took a picture of it when I first picked it. It got scrunched in the tape alittle. But I will add the fresh picked picture. Then I will post it for $500 starting. It would be that big of a number for a cupple reasons. First, is that I don't want to give it up. (Childhood disappointment fulfilled) and if it's actually giving goodluck to counter the bad. second, would be to protect the curious but poor people. Someone who could shell out $500 for a clover is probably rich enough to afford some tragedies. And third, it would help allot in this hard time.
I will post it under the conditions that this post, or other reposts of this story I do, blow up or go viral. If this is viral then it might be worth it because people would be interested in the clover. Could actually sell. Then I know it's worth putting everything together. If this happens, I will leave an update on here with the link to the posting and where to find it.
What do you guys think? Do you think it's cursed? Or do you think it's actually lucky and helped in the bad times?
UPDATE: Two more bad lucks happened today. 5-14-24 Well actually one of the bad lucks happened a few months ago but it completed today. So a few months ago I started having these dreams about these spirits coming in and taking one my pet rabbits. I had these dreams every day for a week. The spirits had already picked a bunny they were taking. After that week, when I came home. All of the rabbit cages were thrown around, and the rabbits were out everywhere. The bunny was not missing. I fixed the cages and put everything back together. The next day I came home to the same thing. Rabbit cages everywhere. But all of the rabbits were accounted for even the one that was chosen. This would happen every day for a week straight. And I did everything I could to prevent the cages from being thrown around. I reinforced them, and made for sure that they weren't falling. But every day I had come home to find them trashed. But was able to get all the bunnies back in the cages. The very last day none of the cages were trashed. Everything was still in its place. Except for the cage of the bunny that was chosen, the door was opened and the bunny was gone. I tore the house apart for 4 days straight, looking for that bunny, but there was no sign. A few months have went by since then. And I've never had a problem with the cages since. I imagined the Bunny running around in the fae lands or something. But I always wonder if I would just randomly find him dead on a day that the bad luck wanted to make me suffer. I found him today. There was a tank of water in my basement, that catches the sewer water that overflows into the basement. It's hard to reach and usually behind the washer but since we have the electrician fixing the breaker box that exploded I took that tank outside and dumped it out. The Bunny came out. Is it almost looked still alive. Just wet. I picked him up and he fell apart. All that was left was hair and bones. This bad luck was one that happend before the clover. But I was right on him appearing at a bad time. A half an hour later, one of my bunnies randomly laid down and died. So I feel like the bad luck took 2 bunnies today. Even though one was actually mouths ago. With both bunnies form both times going at the same time. That tells me all of this was planned. It's been planning all of this for awhile.

first
Luna VI query: Set the source to the leaked files of the first reconnaissance operation of Irisa.
Certainly!
Luna VI query: What did Ryo do during the first hour of the war?
***
Ryo had already reached a state of full awareness after waking up, and yet he hadn't moved an inch, immersed in his inner world as he thought about what he and Elysira had done at night.
And what a wild night it was.
The way that she had skipped the journey to go straight for the finishing line had caught him unprepared. Still, with the mystery of their physical compatibility out of the way from the get-go, Ryo had been left with a lot of time to explore the other hiccups and perks of this interspecies endeavor.
From the occasional accident with her claws to the new possibilities her tail brought to the table, Ryo had enjoyed everything.
There was not an ounce of regret in him, but the memory of their last act lingered incessantly in his thoughts—a vivid Recollection of Elysira’s tail wrapping around his leg and letting silence prevail as his arm shyly enveloped her, allowing them to fall asleep side by side.
The one memory that held him in place, fearing their next interaction when the slightest of his movements would inevitably wake her up, mirroring what had happened all in the previous mornings.
What would she say?
Would she think that they are in a relationship now?
What would he do if the concept of casual hook ups didn't exist for the Irisians?
Ryo touched his face and shook his head, instantly deciding it was time to start his morning routine to distract him from those absurd thoughts.
The brain IO interface captured his intention, turning on the lights on the ceiling with maximum brightness, something that he was sure would wake her up at once given how sensitive to change all Irisians were.
And yet he was wrong.
Elysira’s head tilted away from the light as eyelids fluttered, but the only other thing she did before stopping moving was strengthening her grip on his leg quite a bit, making him realize that her tail had not let go of him the whole night.
Upon noticing how numb his leg felt, Ryo propelled his body upwards, intending to uncoil her tail from his leg and start his day. Hopefully, Elysira wouldn't mention what they did, and he too would be able to pretend it never happened.
However, the moment his upper body lifted from the ground and he got a full view of her body, he was unable to remove her tail from his leg, captivated by a simple but powerful sight.
With her hands inside the pockets, Elysira had used his jeans to restrain her claws, putting herself in a very uncomfortable position, likely afraid of hurting him during her sleep.
His eyes widened, dispersing his previous train of thought from existence. The hand that was supposed to be dealing with her tail moved toward Elysira's exposed neck instead, aiming to wake her up with a gentle touch.
And as if he had just perturbed the stillness of a calm lake with a stone, a barely perceptible ripple of yellow spread on her skin from the contact with his fingertips. It traveled through her neck, reaching the soft lines of her face, and even traveled down her long hair strands.
At the same time that it felt wrong to be able to take a peek at her emotions so easily, Ryo couldn't help but wonder—which other colors had the darkness stolen from him? While immersed in this question, Ryo kept caressing her neck until her eyes opened slowly, resetting all the back spots of her body at once as consciousness took control over instinct.
Elysira’s grip on his leg loosened when she realized she was overdoing it. Her gaze started scanning every inch of him, starting from the accidental scratches of her own making and unashamedly stopping at places she had not seen before.
Unbothered by her curiosity, he even removed some of the loose strands in front of her eyes and threw them behind her long ears to make her job easier, feeling some apprehension only when she lost interest and sought eye contact.
Traces of purple appeared around her black spots as she spoke. "What do you humans do after... what we did?"
Ryo winced, but his tone was gentle. "Silly girl!" He felt deep regret for how he had skipped the part of Irisian relationships in favor of politics when she was teaching him about her species. "It could be everything or nothing."
He expected some intense reaction from Elysira, but there wasn't a lot of emotion showing. As he searched her skin, he also realized he was unable to look at her the same way as before.
From seeing her small breasts, which he now knew for a fact fit on his hands, to the very memory of all evenness that he now was able to associate with the sheen her skin exhibited from certain angles, Ryo realized he had lost the ability to gauge her emotions without feeling a hint desire.
She noticed how long he was staring at her and a hint of yellow appeared. "I don't need everything, but nothing is not enough!"
How did Ryo fail to see that this conversation would inevitably happen when they were having fun at night?
"Oh!" He was unable to keep his mouth shut, which resulted in red and purple manifesting on her skin as he felt the pressure for a quick reply.
He had heard the Irisians speaking terms such as chosen, mate, and family, but Ryo didn't know much about this, and now was not looking like a good time for asking for clarification.
The translator would do its job in conveying his intention. But what would he say? Friends with benefits maybe? He gave up that one on the spot; he didn't consider their previous relationship a friendship, and somehow, he felt a dangerous desire to want more than that from her.
Under the pressure of his previous mistake, he told her the highest relationship he was willing to have without a care in the world for consulting his superiors. "Is girlfriend good for you?"
Elysira’s eyes widened as her skin maintained the same tones. But it lasted only a second before a golden hue took over, leaving little room for her black spots. "Wait, are you serious? I never thought you would consider anything more than being my exclusive pair."
"I am serious, but what's the difference?" Ryo instantly felt he could have gotten away with being just friends with benefits.
"Two differences." She took her clawed hands from the pockets of his jeans and pressed them against his neck in a fast but controlled movement. "One is implied trust." Her head approached him slower as if she would kiss him, but instead, her lips diverted toward his ears where she whispered, "And the other is a promise for the future."
"That seems alright."
As he said that, Elysira had already started taking little bites on his earlobe, her other hand joining around his neck while her tail was sneakily pushing the rest of her body on top of him.
"This will have to be quick, we-"
Ryo was about to give up the time they had for breakfast, when a powerful explosion shook the ground, causing the whole tent to vibrate.
Elysira’s pointy ears began to twitch and her body receded, trying to get of clue of what happened as she displayed purple. "I hear nothing."
"This was not far from here; I don't think it was a landslide." Ryo summoned a window with all the cameras outside and found nothing unusual, even with the infrared inspection.
Elysira could see what he was doing since they had never left the shared augmented space.
"Can we see what Amara is doing? She might know more than us."
He still was incapable of referring to her as his girlfriend even in his thoughts, but he still felt a hint of pride for her quick thinking. "Let's see."
He quickly summoned a live feed and promptly instructed the AI to go through the recordings of the whole night. "Nathan and that princess are still inside the tent. Time to go there."
Ryo wasted no time explaining, quickly standing up to begin the search for his underwear. The floor was still littered with paper sheets, and there were even some opened water bottles around, but he still found what he was looking for before pulling his jeans from under Elysira’s butt and getting dressed with haste.
He wore his shoes but didn't bother with his shirt and jacket, just taking his already loaded gun from the holster and getting some spare ammunition before heading outside cautiously.
"I'm going with you." She got out of the tent almost at the same time as him, proving that not needing clothes had its advantages.
"Stay close." He activated the infrared view mode and scanned the surroundings just to be sure, then hasted his steps towards Nathan's tent which was about forty meters ahead.
There was little he expected would go wrong on such a short journey, but Elysira’s ears began to twitch halfway through, prompting him to stop advancing. "Hear someone?"
"Something." She then used her tail to point uphill, in the direction where the rest of the group had set camp on the previous day. "I think it's a drone."
"Fuck, I hope you are wrong." He raised his 3D-printed revolver and felt like cursing more at the fact he didn't even have a proper pistol, pulling back the harmer and getting himself in front of Elysira.
Thanks to her acute hearing, when he heard the buzzing of the drone, his gun was already pointing in the right direction. Upon getting the first glimpse of the flying object and noticing how fast it was moving, he didn't hesitate to do a partial activation of combat mode.
The world slowed down for a moment, allowing him to see the device flying among the very few beams of blue light that made their way through the canopies. He didn't wait a single second and corrected his aim slightly to the left before pulling the trigger.
Bang!
The drone was torn to pieces and many parts fell about twenty-five meters away from them, at a distance that any explosives wouldn't hurt himself or Elysira.
When his eyes found her behind him, there was yellow and purple on her skin as she asked, "What if it was friendly?"
"The owner can send the bill up the chain for all I care." Ryo lowered the gun and did a full scan all around once more, only to find nothing again.
Her tail wrapped around his arm as all purple on her body disappeared, leaving only a hint of yellow. "Amara won't be happy if it was hers."
Just as Elysira spoke, a circular door opened on Nathan's tent, and Amara took a step outside with red filling her body.
Ryo pictured a scene of a princess complaining about her lost drone, but things only got more complicated instead.
Nathan emerged after her, and the pair began to argue loudly about what to do now that a war had broken out; Amara wanted to march uphill to join her guards, but Nathan held her by the tail when she was about to leave and prevented her for moving, saying it would be too dangerous.
Their argument turned into a messy mixture of the present situation with Amara sulking about a wasted night, which led Ryo to exchange a look of surprise with Elysira.
But their surprise only lasted a moment and Ryo decided he couldn't let those fools keep wasting valuable time.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
He had their attention now. "Please don't tell me you're mad because the plant lover couldn't get it up."
Under normal circumstances, Ryo had no doubt his assholish behavior would only instill shame and improve their cooperation.
However, he forgot to account that he was not wearing a shirt, leaving all his scratches exposed while Elysira was disheveled by his side, which caused Nathan's jaws to drop followed by Amara throwing an indignant gaze at Elysira and then at Nathan, who gave Ryo the feeling he might snap at any time.
"Why are you here?" Nathan's calm voice didn't match his clenched fist and rigid posture.
"Information. I want her to tell me what she knows about this war." Ryo had learned about the war by overhearing their previous argument.
Surprisingly, Amara was cooperative. "My brother's army found our position. They were not aware I was here with Nathan and ambushed the rest of my people and Zara; you destroyed their drone but if they saw us they might have a good reason to come here."
"Fuck!" He turned to Elysira and ordered. "Go back and gather my things. Take the essentials first, we are leaving."
Elysira used her tail to squeeze his arm in acknowledgment and rushed back. But when she had barely taken a few steps, she stopped as her ears moved. "More drones are coming!"
After alerting him, she ran to accomplish her task, leaving Ryo in the company of just Nathan and Amara.
"Isn't that great?" He grumbled to himself, but his voice carried loudly, obtaining the pair's attention as he raised his revolver again.
Knowing that the enemy was probably aware of their position, Ryo used infrared view mode to ensure they weren't using the drones as a distraction to pull off an ambush.
And that didn't seem to be the case when the first machine appeared, flying downwards in zigzag from the concentration of trees uphill.
Again Ryo used a partial activation of combat mode and aimed at the drone, yet this time more of them appeared, leaving the cover of the woods in groups of three until there were nine of them in total. But they didn't even try to get close this time, choosing to hover next to the canopies more than two hundred meters away from him, and assuming something akin to a structured formation.
This was extremely weird and enough of a reason for him to retreat a little, getting closer to his tent and taking cover behind a tree.
Nathan and Amara moved too, the botanist getting inside and returning with his gun while Amara's colors blended with his tent becoming hard to spot.
Assessing the new situation in an instant, Ryo concluded it would be better not to engage and retreat considering that those drones would be hard to take down at such distance. But things changed again quickly when the AI triggered a pop-up window, showing that several of the cameras he had set up in strategic places were capturing movement.
And what he was seeing now were several armed groups of Irisians heading towards their position, confirming Amara's supposition that the rebels were coming for them.
With the situation getting grimmer with every passing moment, Ryo thought of a possibility for what the drones might be doing, but his mind was still refusing to believe that the rebels could be as organized as his worst-case scenarios were giving them credit for.
To test this, he immediately tried to contact the space station through radio transmission, and since being found by the enemy was no longer an issue, he set the transmitter to maximum potency to validate his test.
Unable to establish a two-way connection.
He frowned even though that was not totally unexpected.
With only a few minutes at best before this place was filled with enemies, they would have to leave fast or they would be at the mercy of the enemy.
But first, there was something he wanted to say to Nathan, who now was using his tent for cover together with Amara. "Listen up, those fuckers are jamming our comms and they will be here at any time. Take the MLBCS and find a clearing to use it, I doubt they can interfere with the laser. Just don't forget that your immediate safety comes first or else you might not be among the living when the pod arrives."
Ryo and Nathan were technically enemies, but the last casualty in the war between Earth and Mars had happened several years in the past, ensuring that he had no reason to wish any harm for the botanist even though he didn't like him.
As for Amara, it was a little different. He hurried back to his tent without saying anything to her. And he did that not because he wished her harm, but simply because he didn't understand what she had at her disposal to offer any useful advice.
"Wait, what are you gonna do?" Nathan shouted from a distance.
With the adrenalin of seeing how many Irisians were coming helping his sincerity, he shouted back. "I'm not leaving the planet unless mission control finds a way to save Ely too."
After that, Nathan and Amara disappeared from his mind as he took cover behind his tent, slamming his hand against the foldable fabric many times to get Elysira's attention. "Hurry up, we can't stay here any longer."
She left immediately after, struggling to maintain balance as she used a hand plus her tail to carry his backpack, while her gun threatened to tumble from her gasp in her other hand.
And besides, one thing that Ryo’s eyes were immediately drawn towards was the clothes she was wearing—his clothes. While her legs were still exposed, his jacket still covered a bit more than her hips, loosely engulfing her slender frame like a billowing sail.
"I put the food and water in your backpack." She let go of the heavy item right over his feet as she put the gun on the ground and lifted her arms for him to recover his jacket and t-shirt. "You can get dressed while the tent folds."
He might have allowed her to keep the jacket if not for it being an inconvenience to her, so he just took it, making the first time he saw her wearing clothes a very short experience.
"No time for that, it won't fold with all the paper you left on the ground." He said as he swiftly slipped his arms into the sleeves of the jacket and zipped it up in one smooth movement.
Ryo was already considering which path they would take to flee when he noticed something terrible—Elysira’s skin had just been filled with gray as tiny black spots began to appear and disappear as if rain on the sand of a desert.
"What's it now?" He asked, trying to hide how unprepared he was to deal with this.
"Nothing has changed." Elysira averted her eyes. "I'm a burden to you just as I was to Amara. If I had-"
"Oh, shut up and quit the self-pity!" Ryo realized he was being too harsh, but still went on to finish it. "The paper is our mistake and I'm staying because I like you. This simple. Now get your gun and use your goddam camouflage, just like that princess is doing."
Ryo felt awful after saying this, and Elysira seemed quite taken about as she stared at him with wide eyes.
A moment later, however, she bent over and took the gun from the ground, her exterior blending quite well with the surroundings.
Ryo felt bad for her, but now there was no time to talk. "We run now, let's go."
The sound of his own steps was all he heard as they were putting some distance from the tent, making it so that he had to check on Elysira every couple of steps he took to ensure she was following him.
It was only when he heard some gunshots from far behind that he felt her claws tugging at his jacket from behind. "I hope Nathan is like you."
***
This was an account based on what Ryo did during the first hour of the war. The previous narrative is based on the events of the morning of the twentieth day of the exploratory mission of Irisa. According to your current settings, no queries will be suggested.
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So long story short, I 20f can't seem to get over things my bf has said to me a while back. I really love him, we've been together for 3 years now but there are things he's done that I can't seem to forget. I've forgiven him, but now and then I'll remember everything and I find myself distancing myself from him because of it.
In our first year of dating he started messaging other girls on snapchat and even went as far getting one of the girls numbers. He likes girls with coloured eyes would often send me pictures of girls with blue eyes.( I have black eyes). He even went as far as trying to get me to wear coloured contact lenses.
My bf really likes anime and used to often comment on anime girls and their bodies. He mentioned how one specific character has the nicest breasts and proceeded to send me pictures of her in her underwear.... Also alot of these characters he talks about are literal school girls, they have very childlike faces and act like little girls. I don't know if that's a red flag or not.
These are some of the many things he's done. He's seemed to really change this last year and hasn't done anything to hurt me. I really want to forget everything he's done but the more I try to forget the more I think of it.
I've barely been speaking to him the last few days and he's been asking me what's wrong and that me not speaking to him makes him sad. I'm tempted to break up with him and just be single. I know I may seem immature but I don't know how to move on.

What am I doing? Dominick Mason asked himself for the hundredth time that night. It was late on a rainy Sunday evening and Dom, a tall, lanky man-boy of twenty-five with a prominent Adam’s apple and too big eyes, stared out the rain-slicked window of the 905. The big bus swayed and jostled as it lumbered down Central Avenue, the movements strangely comforting, conducive to reflection…and self-doubt.
As if on cue, his phone buzzed, and a pit opened up in his stomach. He fumbled it out with long fingers and read the text. Are u almost here
His thumb hovered over the screen, but he did not reply. Part of him wanted to block the number, slink back home with his tail between his legs, and forget the whole thing. He could boot up his PS4 and play Red Dead Redemption or GTA V like always. Safe. Familiar. The thought, however, stirred a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach.
It was dread.
Every night, he did the same thing. He came home from work to his tiny prison cell apartment. He had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He played video games until it was time to go to bed. The worst part of the whole night was when he turned off the TV and saw his murky reflection in the screen. Plaid. Scrawny. Disgusting. He hated being locked in that apartment, with its old smells and white walls, but he hated going out even more. At least in his hole, he was safe, like a mouse. No one hurt or lied to him there. No one gave him funny looks. No one rejected him. He was completely safe in his solitude, a wounded animal hiding in its den and licking its wounds.
He was wounded and he knew it.
And he hated himself for it. Hated that he wasn’t stronger or better. Hated that even though he tried so hard, everything he did fell apart…if it even came together in the first place, which it rarely did.
The phone buzzed again.
Just a question mark this time.
His heart began to race and a steely fist slowly closed around his lungs. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took a deep breath. He pictured himself alone in his little apartment. He loved the image, but he hated it too. Most nights, he didn’t mind being alone. He had to not mind it, because he didn’t have a choice. Some nights…some nights he didn’t want to be alone. Some nights he wanted warmth, he wanted tenderness…some nights, he wanted to be human.
Every so often, Dom would get the urge to find those things. They came less frequently than they did before, but unfortunately, they still came. He would create an account on Plenty of Fish and OKCupid, maybe some of the other sites as well. He would agonize over his stupid intro and his stupid list of hobbies. He would spend hours - literally hours - writing and rewriting them, trying at first to be serious, then light and funny, then cool, then aloof, then vulnerable. He would take the best possible pictures from the best possible angles, then upload them, never lingering over them because he hated the way he looked. He didn’t think he was ugly - mid was more like it - but apparently, he was ugly. Too ugly for love, too ugly even to talk to.
The ugly barnacle. So ugly that everyone died. The end.
All of Dom’s pictures were all selfies, of course. Guys he listened to on YouTube said he needed action shots, shots with friends, shots that showed women he had a life, was valued by those around him, and knew how to have fun. Too bad for him, he had no friends and no one valued him, not even his own mother. On the surface, maybe, but she had hurt him so many times over the years in so many ways that even the most devout son would stop and think.
It had to be selfies.
When his profile was in order - or as much in order as he could get it - he would start to browse. Dom knew his place and never messaged women who were too beautiful. He used to, but they never responded. He eventually began to skip their profiles with a pang of loss and a quiet what if? Now, he barely noticed them. Blonde. Petite. Blue eyes. Maybe she was a cheerleader at one time, maybe she was the type of girl who looked down her nose at guys like him. Maybe she was a sweetheart. In any case, he would never find out, so who cares?
He went for women he could realistically obtain…the type of women he’d dated and hooked up with in the past. Some were attractive in their own way, others were hard to look at, he wasn’t picky; he couldn’t afford to be picky. One woman he saw was a good three hundred pounds. She was nice and he liked her enough, but he lapsed into depression while they were dating and he never messaged her back…not that she made a huge effort to message him. Another was a pre-K teacher in her mid-thirties. Overweight with a big nose, glasses, and a plain face when she wasn’t wearing make-up. He liked her a lot and wanted to be with her, but after a month of weekend hookups, she said she didn’t love him. She told him she wanted a family - three kids, to be exact - but “changed her mind.” No, she didn’t. She just didn’t want those things with him.
Now she was in her late thirties, single, and having regrets.
She still wouldn’t settle for him, though.
Another woman he’d seen recently (six months ago) was fifty, but not unattractive. They texted for weeks, hot and heavy. She outright told him that she wanted to have sex with him. Said all sorts of nasty and sexual things. Their first (and only date) was her coming to his apartment. Instead of tender kisses, loving caresses, and intense emotions, they shared an awkward two hours on his couch. When he tried to hold her hand and put his arm around her, she stiffened. Not much, just a little. She said she “wasn’t ready.” He sat there and watched the flowers he’d gotten her wilt as she talked about her ex for an hour and a half, his arms pointedly crossed. He even leaned as far away from her as humanly possible, trying to communicate with his body language what he didn’t have the guts to communicate with his words: I’m uncomfortable, please leave. He planned to take her to a nice restaurant after they made love. Instead, he ordered something after she finally got the hint and left, eating alone like always.
After her, he deleted his profile (again) and resolved to never bother with dating again. Obviously there was something wrong with him. He saw guys who were uglier and more awkward than him with girlfriends, some actually stunning, but there was something about him in particular, something that repelled women…and men too.
Everyone.
It repelled everyone.
Maybe it was his self-loathing. After all, no one likes a sad sack. But that’s the thing: He was like this because of those experiences. It was a what came first, the chicken or the egg situation. Looking back, he had almost normal confidence at one point. Then all of this happened. The hundreds of messages he sent on the dating apps staying on read, unanswered, like he never sent them at all, like he was garbage unworthy of even a hello. The awkward dates. The occasional “success” that eventually fell apart…sometimes because of him, and sometimes because of them. The one girl who ran away from him when he tried to walk her to her car after a date. They didn’t click, he knew that, but he didn’t say or do anything creepy. Why did she do that? The girls who lead him on, talking about sex and sometimes even love but always had a reason they couldn’t meet.
There were other examples - many others - but it was all the same. Who cared?
Dom wanted to crawl back into his hole and stay there, to stop poking his head out and getting hurt. He wanted it so bad…but he was only human. Deep down, buried beneath layer after layer of scar tissue, there was still hope. Hope for love, for companionship, for acceptance, for intimacy and human touch. It was only an ember now, but even an ember is enough to spark a fire.
Some nights, he wanted to be safe. Other nights, he wanted to take a risk.
And this night was one of the latter.
Be there soon, he texted. He swallowed hard and wetted his lips. His heart was pounding faster and his bowels were loose. He really hoped this worked out. He didn’t think he could handle another rejection. If she turned him down, he’d probably go home and kill himself. Why go on like this?
He’d had that thought before…but he never followed through.
Maybe one day he’d actually shut the fuck up and do it already.
Maybe.
Ok :)
Her name was Heather and she was fat. She was not unattractive in the face and she wore her weight well, not that that mattered - he would take what he could get. They started talking on OKCupid last week and very soon, the conversation became sexual. He didn’t start it, though, she did. She was ahem very excited, she said. He liked to think that she was lonely, desperate, and wanted intimacy - any intimacy - just like him.
That really turned him on.
They agreed to meet, and now here he was, on the bus to her apartment on the other side of the city, hoping against hope that she didn’t hurt him too.
He put the phone away and stared straight ahead. The bus was nearly deserted, save for an old bag lady up front and a few Mexican guys in the back. Lights lined the bus’s roof, providing a cold, impersonal light. Dom took a deep breath and forced his dark emotions away. It was all on him to make this work. He would accept her fat, ugly, poor, and crippled, but he had to work to earn her love. He could do it.
When the bus finally reached his stop, he yanked the cord and got off. There was a plexiglass shelter lit by a single, lonely bulb. Trash littered the ground. Beyond the shelter, a park lay in darkness. Behind him, on the other side of the road, a housing project not unlike his own towered into the sky, lit up like a ship at sail. Dom swallowed his nerves and crossed the street. He found the door that she had directed him to use, and climbed the stairs. He expected trash, graffiti, and winos passed out on every landing. Instead, the stairwell was clean and deserted. His nerves welled as he climbed but he forced them down again. On the ninth floor, he went down the hall, battered on all sides by the stale smells of cooking and the murmur of TVs and voices coming from every apartment.
Dom paused at Apartment 237.
Heather’s.
You got this, he told himself.
And really, he did. Their plan - well, Heather’s, really - was simple and straightforward. She told him that she would leave the door unlocked. He was to come in, go to the bedroom, and she would be waiting for him. She said it was a fantasy of hers.
On some level, he knew all along that the whole setup sounded fishy. Was he being set up to get robbed? Would he walk in and get jumped by a bunch of Crips? He hesitated, but his need for love - and, yes, release - pushed him on.
He opened the door.
Inside, the apartment was small and messy, a living room to the right and a tiny kitchen to the left. The only light on was the one above the stove.
Everything else was in shadows.
Dom’s heart skipped a beat.
This didn’t feel right.
That thought was overpowered by the smell, a sickly sweet odor that suddenly seemed to be everywhere. His stomach twisted and he turned his head slightly to one side, as if to spare his nose. It smelled like something spoiled.
A voice spoke from the darkness, startling him. “I’m in here.”
It was light, airy, and cute.
For the last time, Dom hesitated. Some primal sense told him to turn around and leave…
…but he wanted to be loved.
Dom entered and shut the door behind him.
The smell was stronger. The atmosphere darker.
Ahead, he could barely make out an open doorway in the shadows.
He crossed to it.
The smell was overpowering here and Dom felt like he was going to puke. Any desire he had felt was gone, replaced only by revulsion and claustrophobia. It was cold, he realized, so cold that his teeth chattered.
Okay, fuck this.
He started to turn around, intent on leaving, but a small, white hand reached from the darkness. Icy fingertips brushed his cheek and his heart blasted into his throat.
Then she was there, her body pressing against his and her lips fused with his. The smell, the freezer chill, both stronger than ever.
They were both coming from her.
Her tongue hungrily lashed his own, and she pushed him against the wall. Her hands slipped under his shirt and pressed flat against his chest. They were so cold that he almost cried out.
Dom wanted to push her away, to run, but he didn’t. Instead, he froze up and allowed her to push him onto the bed. Was he too gutless to tell her no, the way he’d been too gutless to tell the woman who went on and on about her ex to shut up and leave? Did he secretly want to go through with this? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have time to figure it out. She was on top of him now, straddling him, his legs caged between her ample thighs. She grabbed his hands and pressed them to her bare breasts.
They were as cold as the rest of her.
She leaned down and kissed him again. He hadn’t noticed it before, but her tongue was…dry. Her mouth itself tasted strange. Off.
Heather broke from his lips and peppered kisses on his cheek and forehead, assaulting him with an intimacy that Dom no longer wanted.
Through it all, she was as silent as a tomb. She wasn’t panting or rasping with excitement. In fact, he didn’t think she was even breathing.
She brushed her lips along the exposed curve of his throat, and tingles of revulsion shot down his spine. She found his pulse and kissed it. Trembles of excitement raced through her body and she started to lap his neck like a dog.
Without warning, a fiery pinprick of pain exploded over him and Heather began to shake and pant. Dom cried out and tried to fight her off, but she was too heavy, too much.
With a tiny, mouse-like squeak - a sound of pitiable fear and resignation - Dom blacked out.

I blocked all of them a few days after this post was made lol. I just decided enough is enough and it’s not unreasonable to want my privacy on social media, his family is his. Especially all his first and second aunties, grandmas, cousins etc. it was a lot of them to be honest. SUCH A BIG WEIGHT off my shoulders. I also don’t post too much about my baby anymore either. When we go out as a family I asked my fiance to no longer tag me or post to his stories what we are doing or where we’re going. Too many people get fomo for some odd reason.
Well anyway I think they all noticed because not a single one of them liked my fiancé’s Mother’s Day post about me (I checked through his account and yes he lets me)
I don’t really care, I hope this means they just leave me alone. If they ever confronted me I would just tell them I needed my privacy. Also my anxiety has been getting better. Baby and I have been going out alone a couple times a week, and I feel more confident in telling people NO whether it be strangers or family!
If you missed it here’s the original post:
Today I decided to go up against my ppa that usually prevents me from leaving the house with my 8 month old to do simple errands. I took a picture of him in the cart because I was so proud of myself for going out alone and setting it up not knowing how and then going in to get our stuff with baby in the cart. That little picture was a .05 second of my happy baby with me doing funny faces behind the camera. He actually started screaming bloody murder in the clothing isle but despite my anxiety I stayed in the store and checked out. I say this because my fiance has a very large family and they ALL want to see the baby and it is just simply too hard. My son is not an easy baby. Our family visits always get cut short because he starts screaming. I can barely go to the store with him. My IG pictures don’t mean my life is easy peasy and I can just take him anywhere and let anyone do whatever with him like a toy.
I posted that picture to IG of my baby in the cart. Then someone who’s a very extended in law of mine responds “hi little guy hopefully I get to meet you one day just saying” and let me tell you why my blood is boiling if you’re still reading.
4 months ago I took my baby to go meet all the extended in laws at a park in one swift gathering. The same in law who just messaged me on IG is the same person who walked up to my car window when I was trying to breast feed my baby, I felt extremely violated and I left right after. I didn’t even get out to say bye. They had all fought over taking turns holding the baby and freaked him out beyond soothing and then the one in law follows to get a peek through the tinted window when my fiance was asking her to walk away and she wouldn’t. So yeah I haven’t spoken to her or really any of them RIGHTFULLY so.
So what gives her the audacity??? If she wants to meet the baby then maybe apologize for over stepping? And stop trying to contact me or wait for me to invite you over or out. TALK TO MY FIANCE. THATS YOUR FAMILY. I keep telling him I’m taking a step back from his dad’s side of the family, he’s in charge of making the visits happen not me. I don’t even plan to tell him she messaged me, I want a completely hands off approach and to be left alone honestly. I think I might take all of my in laws off Instagram, I miss my privacy and being able to post what I want.

I should be grateful. It has been a hell of an 11 months since this journey started. I have had the best doctors and nurses and radiation techs and surgeons at one of the world’s leading breast cancer facilities. My insurance has covered more or less everything without tooo much of a fight. My mom traveled across the country to help take care of my daughter, and my husband job has been way more accommodating than I ever could have dreamed. We have wonderful neighbors and friends who have helped when I’ve had to travel out of state for treatment (which has been basically constant).
And yet….
I am 34 with no family history or genetic mutations for this (TNBC w/ positive lymph nodes), or the surprise bonus second primary (tall cell thyroid) cancer. I didn’t get PCR, but I am an excellent advocate for myself and searched for a clinical trial that I was eligible for and was accepted.
I started the clinical trial on 5/10 (this past Friday), and I even got the investigational arm that I desperately wanted. I really should have absolutely nothing to complain about. Everything has fallen into place and is coming up roses.
But my hair was just starting to get to a length that wasn’t immediately identifiable as “cancer patient/survivor.” I can fake a cute piece-y bob. I am doing scalp cooling, but I have 15 more rounds of the experimental drug and absolutely all documentation indicates it causes alopecia and scalp cooling isn’t effective. There is something about having to go back to covering my head again that really takes the wind out of my sails. That and the bruises on my arms and the fatigue and the puffiness from the steroids. I look at pictures of myself from a year ago and I don’t even look like the same person. It makes me so sad.
Why can’t I just be grateful that I am able to get the new promising drugs?

If you’d told me that the visitation with my son, an event that happened only every other weekend, would be extended indefinitely, I would’ve jumped with joy. In the end, I wish the circumstances under which they unfolded had never happened.
The clouds were sightless in the clear sky the day Jasmine dropped off my boy, a perfect day to play a little catch in the yard or go fishing at the nearby stock pond. Cyrus bounced out of the car and ran joyously toward me, unaware that his old man was a perpetual fuck up that had broken up the family in the first place. Oh well.
It was a happy day, the birds sang their old nostalgic tunes of a lost Summer in my own childhood. It was warm, not too warm, and the neighborhood was buzzing with excitement as the Spring showers had come to a close. It was as close as it could get to perfect.
The evening light danced against the tree tops, turning a violet hue as dusk began to settle in. Burnt orange water reflected the dying sun as it continued sinking away to nothing. We grabbed our tackle box, the giant beige one my uncle gifted me before he was stolen by cancer, and filled it with the empty, crumpled up bits of plastic that once held bologna sandwiches. As I said, it was a perfect day, very reminiscent of my own childhood.
We’d thrown the fat bluegill back that we had caught, I hadn’t felt like messing with cleaning and cooking them. Instead, dinner would likely be mac n’ cheese with some cut up hot dogs, a staple in my household whether or not Cyrus was visiting. Hopefully I hadn’t run through Oscar Meyer supply.
Home never felt so lonely, the walls never seemed so barren of old family pictures when Cyrus wasn’t around. Sometimes, he only added to the pain. I would never tell him that, though.
Even with the faucet turned all the way up, the water dribbled out and made boiling pasta a very patient game. Cyrus was babbling about some game he was playing on my phone. ‘He’s just a kid’, I thought, and pretended to be interested in whatever the hell he was talking about.
The sun had vanished and the moon was especially bright that night, having slid nearly halfway to its crescendo before dinner was finally done. Cyrus had stolen my phone to the living room, staring at the bright characters absentmindedly as a nondescript Netflix show played in the background.
“Here, buddy, sorry about the wait”, I sat the bowl of neon yellow stuff in front of him, the pink scramble of hotdog jutting out made me feel… a little ashamed? I plopped down next to him and flipped through the various titles on Netflix, most of which I had already seen a couple of times. Cyrus tossed the phone aside and picked at the mess of ‘food’ in the bowl. I can’t remember if he took a bite or not.
“Dad!”, I jumped, reeling from the doze I had fallen in. If Jasmine was here, it would’ve been such a perfect day, such a perfect day. Instead, this is where it all fell apart.
He massaged furiously at his temples, his knees pulled tight against his heaving chest.
“What’s the matter, are you okay?”, I jumped from the couch and got on one knee, putting my hands around his shoulders. I watched helplessly as Cyrus twisted and contorted his body, trying to run away from whatever pain was in his head.
Suddenly he fell still.
I studied him for a while, nearly on the verge of tears as his body had become totally limp. Then, a noise. At first it was quiet, then it grew and grew until it filled the room with totality. It’s hard to describe that noise, almost like a wind turbine if you were up close to it.
From behind the couch, just above my sons head, it peeked at me. Its thick, black fingers ended at sharp, nailess points. Just as I met its eyes, it slithered behind the couch and that’s when Cyrus awoke in a screaming fit.
I jumped awake again, Cyrus sitting next to me as pale as a sheet. His eyes were bulging, glued to the blank TV ahead.
I couldn’t help but check behind the couch, to make sure it wasn’t still there. Then, to my son who was still staring at the nothing on the television. His mouth was hanging open, just enough to allow the continuous stream of drool to fall out.
I ran to the kitchen to grab a paper towel and cleaned the odd amount of drool from his chin. There wasn’t a thermometer in the house but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that he was burning up. A fever, I thought.
I carried the boy to his bedroom, feeling as though I was being watched the entire way, and tucked him into bed. A doctors visit would soon be on the horizon. I returned to the couch in the living room, careful to keep my gaze fixed on the TV and nothing else. Truthfully, I was too afraid to look in the shadowy corners.
That night was filled with nightmares.
The next day I rang Jasmine, letting her know that Cy was sick and needed to go to the doctor. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t have been an issue, but Jas was immunocompromised (she’d been diagnosed with breast cancer a few months before we divorced) and my son would be staying with me for the foreseeable future. I couldn’t complain, I didn’t get to see him nearly enough as it was.
That day was very much the opposite of the previous, the sky was gloomy and spits of rain fell consistently from dawn to nightfall.
The doctor had said that Cyrus had a particularly severe ear infection, but nothing that some antibiotics couldn’t fix. He sent us home with a tube of the stuff, my wallet noticeably lighter.
“Apply some of this twice a day, once in the morning and once before bedtime”, the older gentleman had said. He squeezed my shoulder and smiled, though there seemed to be something else behind his wary eyes.
He stopped me again as I turned to leave.
“Sir…”, he started, though he seemed to study his words carefully, “your son kept mentioning something he called the flumes”.
I shrugged, the only time I had heard the word was in reference to a ravine on the edge of town where we’d all smoke pot in high school. Nothing struck me as odd about it at the time.
“They come from the flumes, those noises, those noises, he kept saying”, the doctor pushed closer, his eyes growing wild. I stepped backward, tugging at Cy’s hand as we left the building wordlessly.
Aside from my busy mind, the car ride home was utterly silent. I could hear my boys heavy, labored breaths all the way from the backseat. ‘Inner ear infection, my ass’, I thought.
After laying Cyrus back down for bed, I fixed him a bowl of instant chicken and noodles and decided to give Jasmine a call. The phone rang endlessly before the robotic voice indicated that the caller wasn’t available. I tried once more but gave up after it rang a few more times. Probably sleeping.
I returned to the couch, deciding to rewatch Nightmare on Elm Street for the fourth or fifth time.
After a while, I decided to put on cable, growing tired of the listless titles on Netflix. I was never too interested in the local news, but today seemed as good as any to catch up on the towns happenings. The Grantfield Gators girls softball team had advanced to sectionals and one of the townsfolk were celebrating their 100th birthday.
A ‘Breaking News’ graphic slid below the frazzled newslady on the television. Wherever she was, it sure looked familiar.
‘Wild dog shits on mayors front yard’, I laughed at my own stupid joke and surely turned as white as Cyrus had the previous night as the lady on the TV continued.
“A local woman was found tied to a tree and disemboweled at the scene. Police are saying various symbols were branded all over the womans body, and the material used to bind her to the Elm tree was ‘of unusual property’”, she continued on for a while but I hadn’t noticed, the air had fallen heavy and that familiar warbling had filled the room again.
Heavy footsteps slammed up the staircase at an otherworldly pace. Up the staircase and towards my sons room.
I ran, I swear I ran as fast as I could but I knew… I knew.
When I got to his room, he was gone, the curtains blowing aimlessly in the wind as the window had been slammed open so hard that the glass had shattered in the panes. The bowl of chicken and noodles sat on the bedside table, untouched.
I tried calling Jasmine again and again and again. Still, no answer.
I wanted to write this, to whoever may be reading, so that you know where to look if I don’t return. I know where my son is, I know where Jasmine is.
The flumes took them, or whatever might be lurking in it.

You will be surprised to know that if a child does not get his nourishment through his mother's milk, if he is not fed with his mother's milk, then his life-energy remains weak forever. He can be fed milk in other ways also, but if he does not regularly receive the warm touch of his mother's heart, then his life becomes frustrated forever and the possibility of his living long is reduced forever. Those children who are not fed on mother's milk can never attain to much bliss and silence in their lives.
The whole younger generation in the West, and gradually in India also, is becoming filled with great rebellion. The deepest reason for this, the root cause, is that Western children are not being fed on mother's milk. Their respect towards life and their relation to life is not full of love. From their very childhood their life-energy has received many shocks and they have become unloving. In those shocks, in the separation from their mother, they have become separated from life itself - because for a child there is primarily no other life than his mother.
All over the world, wherever women are becoming educated, they do not like to raise children close to them - and the effect has been extremely harmful. In tribal societies children are fed on mother's milk for a long time. The more a society becomes educated, the earlier the children are separated from their mother's milk. The sooner the children are separated from their mother's milk, the more difficulty they will have in experiencing peace in their own life. A deep restlessness will prevail in their life from the very beginning. On whom will they take revenge for this restlessness?
The revenge will be taken on the parents themselves. All over the world children are taking revenge on their parents. On whom else will they take revenge? They do not know themselves what kind of reaction is happening within them, what kind of rebellion is arising within them, what kind of fire is arising within them. But unconsciously, deep within, they know that this rebellion is the result of being separated from their mother too soon. Their hearts know this, but their intellect doesn't. The result is that they will take revenge on their mothers and fathers; they will take revenge on everyone.
As soon as he is born, a child is immediately separated from his mother. His second source of life-energy is related to the heart of his mother. But at a certain point a child will have to separate from his mother's milk too.
When does that right time come? It does not come as early as we think. Children should remain close to their mother's heart a little longer if their love and heart are to develop rightly throughout their life. They are forced to separate very early. A mother should not separate the child from her milk; she should allow him to separate on his own. At a certain point the child will separate on his own. For the mother to force the separation is just like taking the baby out of the womb after four or five months instead of allowing him to come out after nine months. It is as dangerous for a mother to separate her child from her milk before he himself decides to give it up. This effort of the mother is dangerous and because of this effort the second center, the heart center, of the child does not develop rightly.
While we are talking about this I would like to tell you something more. You will be surprised to hear it. Why is it that all over the world, the part of the woman's body towards which men are attracted to most is the woman's breasts? These are all children who were separated very early from their mother's milk. In their consciousness somewhere deep inside a desire has remained to be close to a woman's breasts. It has not been fulfilled - there is no other reason, there is no other cause. In tribal societies, in primitive societies, where the children remain close to the mother's breasts long enough, men have no such attraction towards the breasts.
But why are our poems, our novels, our movies, our dramas, our pictures all centered around the breasts of women? They have all been created by men who, in their childhood, could not remain close to their mother's breast long enough. That desire is left unfulfilled and now it starts arising in new forms. Now pornographic pictures are being created, pornographic books and pornographic songs are being written. Now men harass women on the streets, throw stones at them. We create all these stupidities and then later on we complain about them and try to get rid of them.
It is very necessary for the child to remain close to his mother's breasts long enough for his mental, his physical and his psychological growth to take place rightly. Otherwise his heart center will not develop properly - it remains immature, undeveloped, stuck.

Hello! I’ve been looking for a new bra since my baby was born a little over three months ago. I’m overwhelmed with my search and would like some advice or recommendations.
I don’t know if such a bra exists, but my dream bra would be breastfeeding-friendly (possibly a nursing bra, but not necessarily), look modest under a t-shirt (should hide poky nipples and nursing pads), and be comfortable. For me, comfortable means that it should minimize jiggling, be snug but not dig in anywhere, and not be sweaty (as much as can be helped when carrying/wearing a very warm baby). I’m especially looking for something that keeps my breasts from touching each other or the skin below my breasts, because that’s not fun when I’m feeling overstimulated. I guess this means I need some good support, but I’d prefer not to shape or accentuate my breasts a whole lot; I just want to contain them. Ideally, I think the band of my bra should come up under the inframammary fold, but I can’t seem to find a bra that does this on me; I’m rather saggy, especially post-baby. Nor can I find a bra that comes close enough to my sternum to separate my breasts.
I’ve tried a 34G flexiwire nursing bra from Hotmilk and initially liked it, but found it digs into my armpits and shoulders, and my breasts drag the underwire down lower on my ribcage than feels comfortable. I’ve defaulted back to wearing my too-old-to-read-the-tag wirefree bras (I think they were Vanity Fair 36DD?) and just pulling them up when I need to nurse. They’re still decently comfortable and definitely were more so when it was new; the band used to fit very tightly but got pretty stretched even before I started nursing. My main complaints with the old bras are now that I’ve gotten floppier, my breasts tend to escape when I run or bend over, and again, I’d really like something that keeps my breasts apart and off my chest. I’ve done some other shopping and trying on, especially of sports bras, but I haven’t found anything that fit in both band and cup at stores near me, and I find the buying-before-trying process of shopping online rather daunting.
The calculator made me a 32I/34H US (loose underbust 33”, snug 31.5”, tight 30”, standing bust 40”, leaning 43.5”, lying 41”), but the pictures I’ve seen of this size look much rounder and not as floppy as what I have.
I’m not sure if I need something different as far as sizing, shape, or style of bra. I’d love some bra recommendations, or even just advice on how to proceed. Thanks!

DAY: MAY 13, 2024

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I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/user posting in AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 5th May 2024
Update - 6th May 2024
​
1 New Update
Thanks to u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for finding the update
Final Update - 10th May 2024
​
AITAH for passing out during a family gathering meant to introduce our new baby?
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So, recently I(27F) had a beautiful baby girl with my husband(29M). She's my pride and joy, I love her more than I love myself. But, taking care of her has taken its toll on me. My husband promised the work would be 50/50 when we agreed we wanted children, but I don't feel that's being reflected by his actions this past month.
It's gotten to the point where I can't even ask him to wash her up without him saying something along the lines of, "My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit. I'll help you out later." And I get it. His paternity leave is only 6 weeks while mine is 16 weeks, but my nether regions hurt like a bitch for a better part of two weeks after the birth and all he could do for me was occasionally burp her.
Now, my baby girl has gotten to a phase where she doesn't want to sleep. She'll sleep for an hour, but then she's up and back to crying and I have to get up and try to soothe her. It's been happening for a week now and I've gotten so little sleep that I'm nodding off while eating or doing tge laundry and stuff. Saturday was the month anniversary of my daughter's birth, so I decided to gather both sides of the family to meet her. (They hadn't met her prior because a)I wanted to rest as much as I could and b)I heard somewhere that you shouldn't be taking babies out and about when they're fresh out the womb cause they're more prone to illness then).
So, we had this gathering at my mother's house and all was well. Everyone was cooing over our baby, there was food, people were catching up or meeting for the 1st time. It was nice. But, I had gotten about 3 hours(generous estimate) of sleep in total the past week and I was starting to feel the effects of it. I was feeling lightheaded and clammy, but I didn't wanna make a scene so I tried to go to a bedroom to lie down. I didn't take 10 steps before my vision completely blacked out.
I wasn't down for long, but I had fallen over which drew some attention. I explained to everyone who was concerned that I was fine and that I was just not getting enough sleep and I could see my husband visibly frown at that. They gave me some of the dessert my aunt made to get my sugar up and the party continued. I felt embarrassed about the whole thing, especially since everyone was still looking over me til we left, but it's whatever
What bothered me is my husband's reaction. When we got home, he started going off on me about how I "made him look bad" and like "he wasn't taking care of me". I was confused on how tf me passing out made HIM look bad, but he refused to explain himself and had a pity party for himself in the kitchen.
I was still feeling bad, so I decided to leave him alone and just to go sleep, but he seems to have taken that as a sign that I don't care about his feelings. He's in my ear this morning about how I just ignored him to go sleep last night and how I didn't even put the baby to sleep before leaving. Is he right? AITAH here?
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Update: So I've tried talking with him, but he's been ignoring me and the baby the last three hours. I'd usually wait longer, but I'm just too tired to deal with this right now. You guys were right, I do need help with this, and he's made it very clear he's not ready to help me yet, so I'm just going to go to my mom's place. I'm currently packing. I'm so done.
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Comments
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sophie_Mal
NTA and I can’t call your husband the names I want to because my comment will be deleted.
Paternity leave isn’t a time to relax, it’s a time you’re helping raise the baby and spending time together as a family. CLEARLY he is not doing either of these things as A. You’d be better rested and B. He’d have noticed you’re exhausted.
You passing out made him look bad because it was clear to everyone that you’re being left to raising your baby alone. It’s clearly not a partnership and the AH you’re married to is turning it onto you to shift responsibility and blame.
You need to seriously reconsider the relationships future and bring this up with him as it all comes down to him and his behaviour. If he gets his shit together, then things will be much better. But if he doesn’t, you and your daughter deserve so much better.
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awaythrowers97
He doesn't know what "paternity leave" is and doesn't really want to take care of his family. Sadly, you can't seem to shake that loser.
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ArticleOld598
This deadbeat of a father and husband is using his 6 weeks to laze around instead of using it taking care of his wife & child.
OP you said you love your baby more than yourself, would you want to let her grow up and think that it's normal for wives to push themselves while they're sleepless and in pain until they faint & husbands to berate them instead of worrying & taking care of them?
Tell your parents that your husband doesn't help you at all & blamed you for "making him look bad". You know what else makes him look bad? Being a deadbeat father and partner.
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 day later
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Hi all, your comments were really helpful, so thank you!
Yesterday, before I could Uber to my mom's house, my sister offered to help me, so I'm staying with her instead. She's taking PTA to help me out with my girl, which I'm very grateful for. She also gave me sleep medicine that knocked me out for hours (I'm not sure if that was a good idea or not, but I slept long and well so I don't care.)
I woke up a few hours ago to tons, and I mean TONS, of messages from my husband. Like, the little app icon had 99+ on it. Here are some of the things he said(copy pasted):
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• You cant just up and fucking leve with my baby
• Come back now pls let's talk abt it
• Your actually so fuvking immature wth is wrong with you we have one argument and you fucking pretend like I've been beating you why the hell did you leave????
• We can work this out like adults yet your choosing to be difficult like a little bitch
• Pls just come back we will talk and sort this out and we can go back to being happy so come back
• I miss my baby girl you can't just take her away
• What if I call the police for kidnapping??? Would that teach you wat your doing is wrong???

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I would screenshot, but it says this community doesnt allow attachments, so i can't. And I know it's a bit weird to tell yall what he's been texting me, but I'm mad right now and this feels therapeutic lol. I already sent the screenshots to his mom though!
As for my baby, I have an appointment to a paediatrician for Wednesday, but for now she's on formula since my breast milk quality isn't the best for understandable reasons. My sister said she wasn't as fussy as I described, so I really think the problem is with my milk. That or my sister wanted to make me feel better for sleeping, who knows. I'll wait for the doctor's opinion.
I'm not feeling 100% but I feel a whole lot more better than before. Thank you to everyone who showed concern! I think this will be the last update since I wanna not think too much about my husband rn.
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Comments
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ZombieJoesBasement
I am sooo glad you left and got some help and rest. You definitely need and deserve it.
I still can't get over your husband's mental gymnastics here. He hasn't been a parent, hasn't helped you at all, and hasn't really spent any time caring for his daughter and only cares about what other people (besides you) think, but "misses his baby girl" and wants you to come back "so we can go back to being happy"?! Sounds like the only person who was happy was him--he got a 6 week vacation and didn't have to lift a finger. Let me guess-you were doing all the cooking and cleaning on top of caring for the baby? From what he is texting you, he thinks he did nothing wrong. He is being deliberately obtuse.
To add insult to injury he calls you a bitch and threatens you with the cops. Lovely. He is a real peach.
I really want to know what his mom has to say. Does she know he was mad at you for passing out?
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Efficient-Cupcake247
Because it isn't about love. It is about control and image. Please keep strong. You have done a fabulous job doing what you need to for you and baby. Best wishes
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blehguardian
To be clear, kidnapping is not involved. Until a custody agreement is submitted to the court, either married parent is legally permitted to take their child for any reason.
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Aggravating-Pipe-903
Damn, this dude is crazy. Hopefully next update it’ll be ex-husband
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**New Updates*\*
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AITAH for passing out during a family gathering meant to introduce our new baby? LAST UPDATE - 4 days later
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For all of you who wanted to know what his mother's reaction was, she yelled at him and he made that my problem. The things he's messaged me are vile. And even though MIL was mad at him and KNOWS what he's been saying to me, she still insisted that I go visit him face to face so we can work things out.
I don't really blame her. He's her son, of course she'd still want to help him, but still....With all the ways he's been threatening me and cussing me out, I really didnt want to see him, but I decided to go. Mostly because I needed the stuff that I left at our house.
I went with my sister for safety, obviously. We got there and he played with our baby, he offered to feed her (she wasn't hungry), just acting completely different from the man texting me about how much of a "heartless bitch" I am. I didn't really feel comfortable having him near me or the baby with how violent his texts were, but she's still his baby. I don't think the courts would favour him after I show his texts, but I thought I should rather be safe and allow him some form of contact before going to court. This was a mistake.
At the end of the visit, I decided I should go pack my stuff, since that was one of the only reason I agreed to come. But, I didn't feel comfortable not being there while he had my baby. Yeah, my sister was there and I trust her, but I'd rather watch her with my own eyes. So, my sister went upstairs to pack for me. As soon as she was gone, he started talking about "See? I'm good now I can take care of her." And other stuff but that wasn't the problem. Even if he became super dad, I wouldn't be able to see him the same. Not after all those messages he sent me.
I told him that and he got pissed at me. I was getting worried since my daughter was still in his arms, so I tried to deescalate his feelings. It didn't work and he started yelling at me for "being heartless" and "stubborn" and whatnot. I wasn't really focused on what he was saying, I was focused on my baby. I tried to reach out for her and he shoved me hard enough to fall back. My sister came down and tried to help, but he shoved her away too and ran to the guest room and locked himself and MY BABY in there. He refused to come out unless my sister left and i stayed behind. I can't tell y'all how scary it is to not know what's happening to your child.
It took officers almost 30 minutes to get him out, which pissed me off. Like I know they were probably trying to assess the danger or whatever but I just wanted my baby. In that 30 minute window he could've shaken her or threw her out the window or something and they were there asking him to come out like he was a child and not breaking down the door. She was fine, though, so I can't be too mad.
They didn't arrest him since "no harm was done" even though my sister and I have bruises to prove otherwise, but they held him outside while I packed my stuff. It actually bothers me that they didn't at least detain him, but there's not much I can do about it now. I don't think I'm going to go near him again. Not with my baby. I'm thinking of going to apply for that emergency custody thing yall were talking about.
This happened on Wednesday and I'm still shaken. It's really depressing, for a lack of better word, seeing how much he's changed. I really loved him and I felt he loved me too. How he's acting is crushing me. I feel deflated. My baby girl and my sister are really the only things keeping me going right now.
I'm sorry for the wall of text, it's just that texting this all out helps me feel better. But, I don't think I want to continue updating. Just know that we're splitting up. Thank you all for your support!!
Extra: after visiting the doctor, I've decided to just skip the hassle and formula feed. She seems happier with formula anyways.
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Comments
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JanetInSpain
OMG document everything. Take pictures of the bruises. Go see a doctor and tell the doctor you just need things documented to protect yourself and your baby. File a police report for assault and both you and your sister write detailed statements of everything that happened. Then apply for emergency custody.
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georgiajl38
Go to the police station and file a report for assault. Screw those cops. They didn't have to take him but the assault report should have definitely been filed. Get in front of a magistrate asap!!!
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Hello! I’m having my surgical consult for top surgery tomorrow and am for the most part very excited as I have wanted surgery for years. There’s a few things about the medical exam beforehand that make me nervous, but I see the necessity in them and obviously my surgeon is going to see my chest when operating on it anyway. However, at an appointment with my social worker (who works with the surgeon and would know the procedure) he said that part of the consult includes getting photos taken of my chest for my medical files. He assured me that it would be very secure and hidden, so I’m not worried about security. Still, the very thought of pictures of my breasts existing in the world, no matter how unreachable, makes me very uncomfortable. I wouldn’t call the surgery off for anything but especially because I don’t know how necessary those pictures are and what they would be used for I don’t know if there is any alternatives to getting those pictures taken. I’ve joked about taking pictures myself before surgery in the past and I know lots of other guys take photos before surgery for before/after reasons, but now that it’s actually approaching the thought of a permanent visual record of my breasts makes me want to throw up.
I guess my questions are, has anyone gotten top surgery without having photos taken beforehand? Have any problems come up without them? And also if anyone has insight on what the pictures could be needed for, and if there’s any common alternatives, that would also be helpful. I don’t know how much of a dealbreaker this is or even why it bothers me so much. If there’s any way around it that would be awesome.

I dont know about you guys, but I personally like watching some of the bonus features they put on DVDs for movies, so I kind of also like seeing them in video games. Do you guys feel the same way? What are some video games that have fun little videos to watch that you liked?
For example, the PS3 versions of the Uncharted trilogy had unlockable behind-the-scenes videos that showed you how some of the levels were made, or how some of the cutscenes were directed. Unfortunately, these weren't included on the Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection presumably due to disc space, and that's kind of a shame because I always thought they were kinda neat.
Ghostbusters: The Video Game also had a few featurettes, like a behind-the-scenes commentary with some of the developers of the game (Terminal Reality), as well as some of the actors like Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts, and Harold Ramis (rest in peace). They also had a video of people refurbishing the Ecto-1 to promote the game, with Dan Aykroyd even visiting to give them his approval. They also included a trailer advertising the Blu-ray release of the original movie, and even included a small snippet of the scene where Peter Venkman gets slimed. They kept these in the Remastered versions of the game too, unlike Uncharted: The Nathan Drake Collection... except for the Nintendo Switch version, which presumably had to be removed to fit on the game cart.
The Dark Pictures Anthology games had short featurette videos talking with the main actor of their respective games (so Shaun Ashmore in Man of Medan, Will Poulter in Little Hope, and Ashley Tisdale in House of Ashes), and sometimes showed a little footage of what the mo-cap sessions were like. I thought it was cool seeing the blank set they had to work with, and everyone in mo-cap suits trying to pretend they're on a moving ship and such.
Some video games even had full TV episodes in them. The Mega Man Anniversary Collection on PS2 had the first episode of the Animated Series cartoon, while the Xbox version had the first episode of NT Warrior. The GameCube version, on the other hand, had the G4 Retrospective of Mega Man.
Meanwhile, the Kirby Dream Collection on the Wii had not one, not two, but three episodes of the Kirby: Right Back at Ya! anime. While the first episode is the first episode overall, the other two episodes were ones that happened in the latter half of the series, which is a little weird but at least you got three episodes.
Even better, one video game I imported from Japan is Snack World on the Nintendo Switch. While the game did get localized for a western release, the Japanese version of the game, Snack World: Trejares Gold, came with the first four episodes of the CG anime. Of course, it's in Japanese and there's no English subs, but it's still nice to have, and is well animated enough to get the gist of what's going on.
Even better than that is ASOBU TIGHTS, which is a simple match-3 puzzle game on the Nintendo Switch based on the Miru Tights anime... which is a very short but fan servicey anime. While you do have to grind for a bit, pun intended, you can unlock all like 12 episodes of the anime. Now, each episode is only a few minutes long, and don't "really" have a "plot" per se (they kind of just show girls in tights or zoom in on their feet or breasts... which is a different kind of plot), but I still thought it was still nice to have. It's definitely well animated at least.
Anyway, I wanted to know what kind of other games have these bonus features, and whether or not I'm the only one who cares for this stuff.

The EXTREMELY detailed, mega-anxiety edition!!! Major events like consult and surgery day are labeled like this:
——— EVENT TITLE ———
Surgeon was Dr. David Whitehead and I saw him on Long Island (New Hyde)
Summarized list of major dates:
Consult: July 19 2023 Mental health letter acquired: August 9 Dates discussed: September 12 Pre-op appointment: December 18 Surgery day: January 8 2024 Post-op: January 17
November 11th 2022: Emailed northwell health for the first time, they emailed back saying to call. I was too anxious so I avoided it for a few months.
Called northwell a few months later but got too anxious talking to the person who picked up. They were being normal and talking normally, it was just personal anxiety on my part.
October 2022 - Early March 2023: Spent time talking to trans friends and family members about their timelines and processes for top surgery.
Looked into Penn medicine for a bit but wasn’t happy with the surgeons there, specifically as a nonbinary person. The patient navigational team however is lovely.
March 2: emailed Penn health patient navigation
March 3-10: correspondence and phone calls w patient navigation (absolutely wonderful people, some of the easiest phone calls I’ve ever had) Got lots of into on surgeons, things I’d need, processes etc.
Date unknown: phone call to Penn medicine asking about surgeons and possibly setting up as a patient (v long wait time on phone) Surgeon I had heard good things about only works w CHOP program and I’m was too old for that program. Other surgeons I was v iffy on.
March 23rd: Back to square 1. Called northwell again to set up an appointment. Everyone I spoke to was really nice. Could have set up an appointment within the week but decided to wait till the end of the semester. Scheduled a trans care and primary care appointment for May
Couple of calls In between for confirmations. Trans care appointment got moved around a bit and ended up being moved to a phone call.
May 8th: Trans care call: Basic preliminary questions like: Emergency contact, what you’re looking for, are you thinking of looking into hormones, experience w dysphoria or dysmorphia, mental health, and eating/nutritional concerns, things you might want doc to know, piercings or tattoos, do you do any drugs or drink often, etc. total call time was about 20 minutes. Doctor was incredibly kind, I still experienced a good deal of anxiety but the call was super easy, welcoming, and friendly. Got sent contact referrals for the surgeons, as well as trans-friendly therapists under my insurance.
May 9th: started looking at list of therapists and making respective emails and calls. Checking per session costs and double checking insurance. Most charge 100-150 per session. Got in contact w one.
May 10th: Called w first therapist talking about what I’m looking for, where I am in this process, if parents are supportive, and talking about costs. She was very friendly and affirming, wants to have a few sessions to get to know me and my situation before writing a letter. Understandable and expected, but frustrating.
May 15th: Primary care appointment: Went to northwell health primary care, parkinglot was a little scary (just a large lot with a lot of cars) but everyone working there’s is super kind. Office is incredibly affirming, pride flags and lgbtq+ art everywhere. Gave my insurance card, filled out some paper work, got called in pretty quickly. I have a needle phobia and medical trauma so I was panicking a bit in the office, nurse was good w me about it and doctor was very kind, I just requested to not have any blood work done that day and that was totally fine, so I could schedule that at a later date and go w a friend. Recommended to get blood work done before scheduling a consult w a surgeon. Also prescribed me a single dose anxiety med for the bloodwork which I was very happy about. I found over time that the anxiety meds unfortunately do little to nothing for my panic attacks personally when it comes to needles but regardless having a doctor acknowledge and respect that fear and listen to me was incredibly helpful and reassuring.
May 30th: Got blood work done in a different lab, went w a friend. Scheduling for that is super easy, I think I did it online actually I don’t entirely recall. they do take walk ins but I made an appointment to minimize complications and make sure I could prepare properly. Front desk/lobby area was a little spooky, but I think that is mainly just bc of my social anxiety. They take a urine sample, you give them your prescription, eventually they call you over for blood work. Quick and easy, tech was v nice and having a friend with me was incredibly helpful. Probably the best I’ve ever done with a needle despite the fact that I did still panic and get very lightheaded lol.
Got blood work results back within the next couple days, all looks a-okay! Neat :)
June 15th This day was incredibly difficult. I had my first session with a therapist to establish some ground knowledge around my dysphoria and the way that I view myself. Top surgery is something that I know from research and related experience Can be difficult and expensive to get and can take time, so much of my prep work has been on the understanding of taking things a step at a time and just knowing that the current way things are doesn’t have to be forever. It allowed me to be able to live with myself while prioritizing my health better. This read to the therapist as “not having the level of dysphoria [she’s] come to expect and look for in someone who is trans” and was largely based off the fact that I don’t want to go on hrt. Past that point I started to break down because now my method of learning to live with myself felt like it was actively going to work against me and prevent me from getting top surgery. I’m not good at talking about my dysphoria, I can’t imagine it’s easy for anyone, especially to a stranger I just met. It was rough, and I felt incredibly mentally drained after ending the session.
June 19th Called it quits with the first therapist, I felt incredibly disrespected and the one session we had put me in a mental spiral for days. It can feel some times in this process like the people you have to get permission from need you to be severely depressed and unable to wait another second for this procedure just in order to take you seriously.
After I left that therapist, I immediately got back to the list to find someone new. Spoke to a new therapist via email, but my insurance is kinda weird (Blue Cross Blue Shield out of state) so its off putting to some people. This therapist recommended I go through the office she started out at (Heart and Soul Counseling)
————- Time Skip ——————
IM BACK its time for some record keeping. Got super overwhelmed and lost the energy to document my process for some time so here goes.
HEART AND SOUL COUNSELING: My experience w/ this therapy office was mostly good. The person in charge, Jesse, was absolutely lovely and responsive. Never spoke in person, but any text/email interaction was prompt, respectful, and kind. The office is stellar with email/text communication, so I only ever had to call them once when I was initially inquiring about the office. This is something I wish all therapy/counseling centers did better, eliminated a ton of my anxiety and hesitation to speak to therapists.
I got set up w someone as quickly as possible and established what my goal was (to acquire letter document for my surgery team). I attended multiple session w the therapist, she was a kind lady but the sessions were unfortunately p miserable for me. We didn’t fit well, but I was willing to stick it out rather than backtrack on my process. She also did not invalidate me or accuse me of not being trans which was a major step up from my first therapy experience. Once I acquired my letter I did stop therapy there, I kindly explained to the therapist that it wasn’t a good match, but I may honestly explore my options at the office in the future. Receptionist there was also lovely and they had a cool fish tank.
———- CONSULT STARTS HERE —————
July 19th: CONSULT!!! My mama and I went to Dr. David Whiteheads office for a consult. Parking was a nightmare so I’m super glad I didn’t have to drive for this one (ty mama). Consult went really well, and the staff were all super friendly. Dr. Whitehead is cool, very chill energy and a bit intimidating, but I’m scared of everyone so that’s nothing new. First question he asked me is what I wanted/what he could do for me which caught me more off guard than it should have? I didn’t realize going into this process how many times people ask you what you’re having done even if it’s already written down, because there’s so much variety in what you can look for in the results.
We talked about the procedure, went through a slideshow n stuff, and discussed how I wanted a flat chest w/ no nipple preservation. They made sure to specify that my mental health professional letter had to include that I did not want nipple preservation because thats technically a “non-standard” appearance. Also had the first breast exam I’ve ever had in my life. Can’t say i’m a fan (not that I need to worry about that anymore!) Took pictures n measurements n such, and also discussed recovery supplies and care w me and my mom.
August 9th: After a plethora of painfully awkward therapy sessions, a decent amount of crying, and a couple breakdowns in friends cars/backyards, I got my therapist letter and sent it to the surgeons office. It ended up needing minor revisions to which I contacted Jesse from Heart and Soul and he got me the revised letter immediately. Unfortunately the surgical coordinator was out of office for the rest of the month the next day ;w;. Is how it be.
September 12th: Got a call from Surgical coordinator mid-painting class that I stepped out to take. Started discussing surgical dates!! She was kind enough to email the dates to me which was lovely because I was absolutely shaking/mind blank haha. There was an option for January 8th which felt like an absolute miracle the way it would work with my school schedule. It would give me a solid two weeks recovery time before spring semester began. Because it would be a couple months out, I was asked to contact her in the second week of October to submit documents to insurance.
(Timeline note: earliest date offered was in early December)
October 10th: Documents sent to insurance, predetermination started
October 30th: Received mail from my insurance approving my procedure as medically necessary (YAY) But! This is also where things get,,, fun! Dr Whitehead’s surgical coordinator, Alyssa, is a blessing and was very helpful and prompt with me despite the fact that I had to email her pretty constantly during this general time which I still feel bad about.
Around this time, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, which I reported to the surgical coordinator because it influences my family history (grandmother also had breast cancer). It was asked that I get genetic testing done because this could impact my surgical procedure. Now I’m handling the setup on this between helping my mom in her process setting up consults and considering her options because there of course is a lot of crossover to the steps I’ve already completed and am familiar with.
November 1st: Very kind person at cancer genetics calls me, sends me a family history questionnaire to fill out before I can be scheduled to see a genetic counselor. Filled out the questionnaire the same day.
November 8th: Called cancer genetics to check about scheduling, office was not open so left a message. Got a call back later in the day. I have a virtual appointment with a Genetic counselor Tuesday the 14th. Current plan is a mailed saliva genetic test but I’m going to ask if theres anything I can do to get results/materials quicker. If I can’t get results/feedback by December 8th my surgery date may get deferred.
Trying not to stress too much because there is little to nothing I can do about this, and I just don’t want to be sad. I’ve kept telling myself throughout this process to not get excited and not let myself believe anything is solid because something could happen at any time that might mess up my schedule or plan, and If I convince myself I’m in the clear, those changes will hurt a lot more. So far I think thats been a good move, because this really sucks.
My surgery date is still officially scheduled as of now as well as my first post-op. I will also ideally have pre-surgical testing done December 18th should I be cleared by genetics in time (Fingers crossed!)
ALSO! Def lean on friends if/when you can during this process. It can absolutely be challenging, and having a support system is incredibly important and helpful. I’m super lucky to have really lovely and supportive friends that are around to listen to me and send me pictures of stupid little animals.
November 9th: My mama is scheduled for her double mastectomy on December 4th
November 10th: Did some shopping with my mama for recovery supplies for double mastectomy/top surgery. Having watched a million and a half transition/top surgery videos and tiktoks and having read all the blogs and posts and tweets makes you a great support for someone suddenly faced with an upcoming double mastectomy! We might go shopping this weekend for some button ups and zip ups for her, clothes shopping is better done when you can try stuff on
November 14th: Meeting w genetic counselor: Victoria Webb, one of the loveliest medical care workers I’ve ever met. Had a virtual appointment with her to discuss and set up genetic testing. I explained to her about my situation w the proximity of my surgery and tight deadline as well as my willingness to do a blood test instead of a saliva kit to get results quicker. She was so incredibly kind and good with me, ended up being able to do a saliva kit and get results in time she deserves every good thing in life.
December 18th: pre-surgical testing: This was at the main hospital, everyone was really nice but I had a really bad panic attack despite being on Xanax.
The process is sort of like getting a physical. Measurements like weight and blood pressure get taken, lots of preliminary health questions. The people working with me were really kind and I was very open with them about my anxiety, it was visually apparent though anyway because I started crying the second we even started talking about the blood draw.
Once the equipment was actually brought into the room I started to panic. Both of the women working with me were really kind and helpful and tried to distract me and keep me talking the entire time, but I did still have a really horrible panic attack. Every muscle in my body locked up and I lost all my color, took a bit to get back to a spot where I could move and talk properly because my speech was affected too. It was a bit scary but funny to think about in post. Thanked the medical staff for being patient w me as always, a good portion of the anxiety is also guilt about making things harder for them. Got through it tho. Def eat before presurgical if allowed, I didn’t and that probably didn’t help!!
———- SURGERY DAY ————-
January 8th:
Ok so surgery day:
This day was very scary. Got my phone call the Friday prior for my surgery time which ended up being 1pm and I was asked to arrive around 11. Got there at 10 and went in at 10:30.
Called up to check in then in waiting room till someone brought me back to change. I told her right away about my anxiety with the iv bc that’s legit all I could think about. Got changed right after. I was generally shaky and a little disoriented the entire time because I was panicking but everyone was very patient with me. Clothes and belongings go in a bag in a locker and you get two gowns one that faces back and one that faces front. I was given underwear and a pad as well because lucky me I got my period a couple days before my surgery.
The pre-op area is a lot of little cubicles with curtain divider things, blue soft chairs, and medical equipment. Everyone I met and spoke to was very kind, but any time someone even suggested starting my iv I would panic. I was informed it would have to be placed in my hand and that terrified me, I’m especially anxious and sensitive about my hands and fingers. I think doctors and nurses tend to misunderstand exactly where my fear is with needles and ivs. It isn’t the pain that scares me, but the concept of veins and and anything being in them. Even writing this right now is horrible so I’m going to stop w any further detail. I spent the entire two-ish hours of pre-op absolutely terrified about this iv.
I wasn’t really keeping track of time but dr whitehead came in to do markings for surgery. They had cool rainbow socks on,big fan. Having your chest drawn on and just like, moved around n shit is such an experience. Felt bad because I kept losing my balance but doctor Whitehead is cool and I am 98% less scared about them now.
Probably my most favorite person I met during my entire hospital experience was the anesthesiologist. I know he told me what his name was but I couldn’t focus on or retain information at the time. He told me we could essentially put me to sleep with gas before putting the iv in and for the first time in probably a solid week I felt like I could calm down a little. He took a look at my hand and arm to check my veins which always does freak me out a bit but I’m more used to that kind of thing at this point and I know nothing bad is going to happen. One of the nurses came in with the iv equipment and he let her know that were going to wait till in the or which was also incredibly helpful because I absolutely panicked when I saw that little supply kit again.
V nice lady brought me into the or, I’d never been in one before it was cool. They had a little music speaker which was really cool. Took off blue jacket gown and they helped me onto the table. They put a warm blanket over my legs and my chest to help me calm down. Before long they gave me a mask w fun happy sleepy time gas, they let me keep my arms on my chest for a while which was really nice because I was still scared. I started getting loopy pretty fast but I still heard when someone mentioned where the iv equipment was and panicked a little because of that. I remember feeling them take my hand for that but never actually felt anything happen. Just some fear but the gas was v helpful obvi. Someone said they would see me in a little bit, and then I was groggily waking up in recovery.
Recovery was a little rough bc the iv was still there (fully wrapped up so I couldn’t see it though which was rad) but I was still really anxious about it until it was taken out and when it was taken out. For anyone that struggles w this i did not feel them remove it, just the tape. Everything was mentally much easier after that. After a while, going over instructions w parents, a cracker , some ginger ale and some juice, my dad helped me Get dressed and I was helped out to the car in a wheel chair. Ride was smooth bc of remaining numbness and meds except a few Bumps in the road
TOP SURGERY GOTTEN
My post op date was scheduled for Jan 17th and that’s the day I got my drains out followed by several post op check-ins. First week of recovery was miserable but things exponentially approved each day past that, and I went back to school in person two weeks post-op with driving and item-carrying assistance from friends!
Will upload recovery notes at a later date! Feel free to message me with any questions, more than happy to answer and give info! I’m a bit over four months out from surgery now and thriving 🥳

Last week in a post-deleted by the OP, there was discussion about how there is no point in stockpiling antibiotics and any attemps for lay people to practice any form of health care in a widespread grid down disaster was a waste of time
Myself and some colleagues wrote: Survival and Austere Medicine
Edit. New link. in a post below.
We are slowing working on a 4th edition with some new material and minor corrections - but it is taking longer than we thought!
But I thought given the above post, I would take the opportunity to post the introduction - which address the "why bother" question for a major long-term grid down situation. Apologies for the formatting and length
"There is a sense, when considering the issues around survival medicine practice, that everything is overwhelming, that it is impossible for lay people to provide a high level of medical care and maintain a high level of population health.
We don’t think this is the case at all. We believe that intelligent lay people with some basic medical knowledge, skills, and equipment can deliver high quality health care. While it is obviously impossible for lay people to safely and competently deal with every medical problem, and there remain many complicated diagnoses requiring equally complicated or technologically advanced treatments, for 80- 90% of the health problems afflicting humanity, simple things done well are all that is required to preserve life and limb and help alleviate suffering.
Consider the following:
1. Remote Medicine Practice:
Below are the results of one of our author’s experience in the provision of health care in various remote and austere locations (some third world, some first world) to nearly four thousand people over a cumulative 30-month period (spread over 18 years) – with more data there are few minor changes from the 2005 2nd edition, but the list is essentially the same – which is interesting. The record keeping was a bit unreliable at times, but the following summary is reasonably accurate.
Top 20 presentations (representing > 95% of consultations):
1. Minor musculoskeletal injuries - ankle sprains most common, included many minor fractures which didn’t require more than diagnosis and simple care
2. Upper respiratory tract infections
3. Allergic reactions/Hay feveAnaphylactic reactions/Rashes
4. Minor open wounds – included a mix of lacerations needing closure, many needing
cleaning and advice only, and some infected wounds
5. Gastroenteritis/Vomiting/Diarrhoea
6. Mental health problems
7. Sexual health/Contraceptive problems
8. Skin infections/Cellulitis
9. Dental problems
10. Abdominal pain - 4 confirmed acute appendix (2 treated with IV antibiotics and
subsequent delayed appendix removal / 2 required evacuation) + 1 gangrenous gall bladder. Many were "no cause found". Of the remainder with a clear diagnosis the most common were renal or biliary colic)
11. Fever /Viral illness
12. Chest infections
13. Major musculoskeletal injuries (fractures/dislocations)
14. Asthma
15. Ear infections
16. Urinary tract infections
17. Burns – mostly partial thickness within the realms of management in the environment the
patient was in. Several required evacuations. Several required rehabilitation due to location and sub-optimal initial treatment.
18. Chest pain
19. Syncope/Collapse/Faints
20. Early pregnancy problems
Major trauma was uncommon but was seen including several fractured femurs and a dozen cases of multi-system severe trauma resulting in a mix of in-country surgery and evacuations
Top 12 prescribed drugs (representing >90% of medications prescribed):
1. Paracetamol (Acetaminophen)
2. Loratadine (and other assorted antihistamines)
3. Diclofenac (and other assorted antiinflammatories)
4. Combined oral contraceptive
5. Flucloxacillin
6. Throat lozenges
7. Augmentin (Amoxycillin + clavulanic acid)
8. Loperamide
9. Nystatin (and other antifungals)
10. Hydrocortisonecream
11. Ventolininhalers(Salbutamol/Albuterol)
12. Morphine
What is of note here is that the clear majority of problems dealt with are simple and straight forward – there is still potential for serious consequences but there is scope for a well-informed lay person with a basic knowledge and access to a reasonable collection of reference books to provide reasonable care. Equally the vast majority of medication prescribed are from a very narrow well defined list – despite the fact 1000’s of drugs are on the market – the list of core lifesaving or comfort preserving ones is relatively brief.
2. Why children die
The World Health Organization (WHO) has identified the following conditions as having contributed to >75% of worldwide deaths in the under 5-year age group (in no particular order):
Pneumonia Pneumonia is an infection of lungs. Prevention of this condition is somewhat limited – although good nutrition, clean and warm housing, and a reduction in the exposure to respiratory irritants (smoke) all can help. However, the most common bacteria which cause pneumonia are frequently sensitive to penicillin – which is discussed later in the book and can be produced in a low-tech environment.
Diarrhea Death from diarrhea (dehydration) is almost 100% preventable with appropriate use of oral rehydration therapy. Dirty water or poor food handling causes much diarrhea – this can be virtually eliminated by proper hygiene practices and care with drinking water.


Pre-term delivery While we are limited in the direct interventions available in an austere environment to mitigate this problem contributing factors to early labor are young age, malnutrition, smoking, poor maternal health, so there is scope for indirect intervention based on optimizing mum’s health and environment. For babies who are born prematurely the necessities of life are warmth and breast milk. With attention to detail for both things, it is possible for infants as young as 33-34 weeks to survive without high-tech intervention.
Malaria. Prevention is better than a cure, knowledge about clearing stagnant water, mosquito nets and long sleeved clothes can significantly reduce the risk. Equally quinine is derived from the bark of the Chincona tree and the Chinese have been using the herb, Artemisinin, effectively for the treatment of Malaria for years. So, while not as easy to treat or prevent as diarrhea, there is still scope for significant reduction in death rates in low-tech ways.
Blood infection Blood infection or septicemia is rapidly fatal. The ability to intervene depends on the cause of the infection and antibiotics available. Broadly, infections causing septicemia can originate from the skin, the lungs, the kidneys or bladder, and the abdominal contents. While specific treatments for these may be lacking in an austere environment – all have prevention strategies and basic low-tech treatments that can be lifesaving when applied appropriately.
Lack of oxygen at birth Of these problems, this is the one with probably the least scope for impact. Unfortunately, even if foetal distress is detected during labor (with heart beat monitoring or signs of distress like meconium), without the ability to deliver the baby quickly options are limited. That said, a caesarian section is not a massively complicated operation (and discussed in Chapter 10), and in parts of the third world is performed by trained lay people with safety and success.
Measles Again, there is limited scope to intervene directly with the disease. Measles is always around and while vaccination reduced the incidence of epidemics, sporadic cases still occur. In the absence of vaccinations epidemics of measles every few years will be inevitable. There is however some scope to minimize the spread during an epidemic with isolation and respiratory precautions during outbreaks. While some of the serious neurological complications are unavoidable in a
Prevention is better than a cure, knowledge about clearing stagnant water, mosquito nets and long sleeved clothes can significantly reduce the risk. Equally quinine is derived from the bark of the Chincona tree and the Chinese have been using the herb, Artemisinin, effectively for the treatment of Malaria for years. So, while not as easy to treat or prevent as diarrhea, there is still scope for significant reduction in death rates in low-tech ways. small number of patients, basic care such as maintaining hydration can also prevent complications such as dehydration.
Neonatal tetanus The prevention of neonatal tetanus is easy. You don’t let the site where the umbilical cord attaches to the baby get dirty. It is as simple as that.
HIV/AIDS Prevention of maternal infection is the key to prevention of infection of newborns. The steps required to prevent exposure to the HIV virus are widely known: abstinence (not undertaking sexual activity), monogamy (maintaining a single sex partner rather than multiple) and if neither is a palatable option, then safe sexual practices.
Most the conditions above have an element of either preventability or the ability to be treated to some degree in an austere environment and significant improvements in mortality and morbidity can be made.

3. The greatest advances in medicine
Several years ago the British Medical Journal ran a poll trying to identify top medical advances of the last 200 years. The following is the top 12 from that poll:
Sanitation 1st Antibiotics 2nd Anaesthesia 3rd Vaccines 4th DNA 5th Germ theory 6th = The oral contraceptive 6^th = Evidence based medicine 8th Imaging 9th Computers 10th Oral rehydration therapy 11th Smoking cessation 12th =
Just as with our discussion above about the causes of childhood deaths, this list is introduced to show just how much impact a very basic health care knowledge can have in terms of optimising health in a post-disaster or austere situation.
Of the biggest advances of medicine in the last 200 years, between 7 to 9 (depending on your knowledge and available resources) of the 12 can be applied to care in a austere situation. In particular, the knowledge of sanitation, germ theory, oral rehydration therapy, and simple manufactured antibiotics and anaesthetic agents all have the potential to be able to be continued to be applied in a post-disaster situation and to continue to contribute to a high quality of low-tech health care. In the same way that we can substantially reduce childhood death rates in a low tech post-disaster situation, we can still continue to have access to some of the biggest advances in medicine even at the end of the world.
4. Surgery in the third world
A non-specialist surgeon working at a isolated bush hospital in Papua New Guinea published his experience of Emergency Surgery over a 14 month period (similar articles have been published with similar data):
Emergency Surgery 243
Tendon repair 33 Open orthopaedics 32 Dilation and curettage 31 General surgery 29 Incision and drainage 26 Laceration repair 26 Obstetrics 23 Manipulation under anaesthesia 15 Urology 15 Gynaecology 9 Ear, nose and throat 2
Emergency anaesthesia 243
Ketamine – spontaneous breathing 166 Local anaesthesia 33 Ketamine – ventilated 16 Spinal anaesthesia 12 Propofol / thiopentone 10 Epidural 5 Epidural / GA 1
The point of this reference is to help illustrate what someone can achieve in primitive conditions with no formal surgical training and no dedicated anaesthetist. We are not suggesting that the average layperson can safely practice to this extent or breadth of surgery, but it does demonstrate that a non-surgeon can achieve much. It also shows that most anaesthetics for surgery in an austere situation can be done under local or ketamine anaesthetics.
Why this is relevant?
Each of these four references gives you insights, one way or another, into low-tech austere health care. First, it gives you an insight into the likely clinical problems that you may see in a survival situation, and how much can be dealt with in that sort of austere environment. Second, it demonstrates how medically speaking it is the small things and simple knowledge which save lives and some of the biggest killers can be mitigated with these relatively low level interventions or strategies.
In our opening summary – “Medicine at that end of the world”, we describe a pretty bleak medical reality post-SHTF. Will million’s really die from lack of access to modern heath care as we have alleged?
The short answer is yes – many will die much sooner than they otherwise would have, from disease and injury, which currently are not immediately fatal. But the answer is not nearly that simple nor bleak. The reality is that while cancer, diabetes, malnutrition or serious injury may claim many of its victim’s sooner than with today’s health care, most health problems can be treated or mitigated to a degree in a low- tech environment, with a narrow range of medications and interventions – including some cancers, non- insulin requiring diabetes and many major traumatic injuries.
Most medical problems are relatively mundane and not life threatening. Truly catastrophic problems in medicine are fortunately rare. You should focus on learning and preparing to deal with the common problems, and doing common procedures well, and you will save lives, and possibly also improve the quality of those lives.
There will be a significant change to health care but with knowledge and some preparation it isn’t quite as dire as many (including our own opening paragraph) predict. "

I'm still a teenager..Still trying to find my way into a good highschool, I go to an all girls school, the first arrival was when I came for 6th grade two years ago, I was a skinny, scrawny girl in a school with thick, big boobs, and nice curvy girls. They shamed me for my body and it started my insecurities about my body and how flat in the chest I was compared to them, I had began an eating disorder...Over eating just to gain weight...I wore dresses to show my curves more since I had an hourglass figure.. it just wasn't a slim thick type. I was an easy girl, looking for attention and gullible and unfortunately I'm still struggling with my over sexualization of myself, I wasn't girly at all, and my uniform usually looked 'ugly' on me because of my flat body..So when the summer came I tried showing off and eating as much as possible, I didn't understand why my body was so flat, my mom was thick, busty, yet my dad was tall and had a high metabolism...You think it would put me in the middle, but no..I was very insecure.. editing myself in pictures and stuffing my bras, crying to myself and trying to get with anyone just so they would give me attention, I usually got that wanted attention from older men, 20 year olds...And I liked it, i knew it was wrong but didn't care, I liked older men because it helped me with my trauma. When 7th grade started, I was thicker, not all the way but I had thicker thighs and a plumpy ass, yet my tits were still small, I tried to ignore it but I hear songs, see posts and hear people talking about how they only want a girl with big tits... I was still slim and hard when People called me skinny, it hurt me a lot..I also started getting more desperate as my mom wouldn't let me go outside AT ALL, so whenever I saw a boy, I'd lose my mind and start crying wishing they would be with me, my mom said that how desperate I was, it was very unattractive. But I couldn't help it...My anxiety got worse, everything was getting worse..I keep trying to make my breasts grow, I understand people with big breasts have struggles and I'm sorry, It sucks, I know, my mom talks about it..But I just want them so badly, My mom makes it worse she talks about how I always wear jackets because of how insecure I am, I even would stuff my pants with bras just to have a bigger ass, I hate having to see other people with bigger hips, blessing body's ALL OVER MY SCHOOL, and I understand that comes with struggles too, but I can't help but ache for it...I'm going to 8th grade, and my insecurities just get worse...What do I do?!. I already read other people's posts about their body but nothing helps...I just want to sit in a corner to cry..This shit sucks.

I have a really nice waist to hip ratio, and it’s something I’d like to show off more often, but my breasts get in the way. My breasts make me look bigger than I actually am because they drop a little above the waistline, and it just makes me look like I have a boxy figure especially when I wear any type of top.
However, whenever I stretch my arms or lift up my breasts, my figure looks really good. Do any of you have any suggestions for push-up bras that could give me the same effect? I’m willing to send pictures if someone asks for a better consultation.
Thank you!