34 Female 5 ft 8 in 150lbs
Meds: pregablin 200mg 3x a day 10mg flexeril 3x a day meloxicam 15mg 1x daily cymbalta 60mg 1x daily
medical marijuana nightly but stopped two months ago per request of the gastroenterologist
Im in pain management due two having some type of mass in my condyle in my early 20s. I eventually had both tmj replaced.
Relevant information: After these surgeries I unfortunately became very addicted to opiates. I went from prescribed morphine to oxy then heroin then fentanyl. Luckily I’m 2.5 years off of illegal opioids. I was prescribed oxy for quite some time and thought I could take it as prescribed but eventually realized I couldn’t. I began vomiting frequently during the drug use however it has only gotten worse this last 12 months. Last night I vomited 9 times between getting off work and going to bed. In the middle of the night I woke up and vomited 3x and so far today I have vomited maybe 15 times. Last week I had the camera down the throat thing to check it out and was diagnosed with Barrett’s esophagus as well as some inflammation in my stomach and a hiatal hernia. The gastroenterologist says that it’s “heavy marijuana use”and wants me to quit for at least 6 months before he wants to try anything else and I’m so miserable I’m definitely going to listen. Is there anything else I can do to try to vomit less? I’m already on a very bland diet, white rice, white bread, bananas, water, applesauce etc. I’ve cut out coffee but still do drink sprite and Gatorade as it is one of the only things that sound good. I’ve lost 15lbs in the last two months and I’m just miserable.

Hello!

The primary aim of gathering these communities is to foster an environment dedicated to reducing harm and providing assistance to individuals seeking recovery or navigating withdrawal.

Our focus is on spreading harm reduction practices and educational content to support those in need, If anyone identifies a subreddit that deviates from this central purpose, we encourage them to bring it to our attention. Additionally, if anyone has other subreddits they believe would contribute positively to our mission, we're eager to hear their suggestions and incorporate their contributions. Together, we strive to create a network of support and resources aimed at helping individuals on their journey toward recovery and withdrawal management.

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Hello!

The primary aim of gathering these communities is to foster an environment dedicated to reducing harm and providing assistance to individuals seeking recovery or navigating withdrawal.

Our focus is on spreading harm reduction practices and educational content to support those in need, If anyone identifies a subreddit that deviates from this central purpose, we encourage them to bring it to our attention. Additionally, if anyone has other subreddits they believe would contribute positively to our mission, we're eager to hear their suggestions and incorporate their contributions. Together, we strive to create a network of support and resources aimed at helping individuals on their journey toward recovery and withdrawal management.

Hallucinogens

• Marijuana:
• HPPD
• leaves
• Petioles
• WeedPAWS
• WeedRecovery
• WeedWithdrawalSupport

Dissociative Anesthetics

• Ketamine:
• Ketamineaddiction
• TherapeuticKetamine
• KetamineTherapy
• Other Dissociatives:
• GHB_info

Opioid Medication

• OpiatesRecovery
• DihydrocodeineWD
• orphenadrine
• Amitriptyline
• suboxone

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*Last Update*
23rd April 2024

To clarify, I’m grasping for straws through this post - anything that makes sense. 20F, 59 kg with no history of smoking, drinking or anything of that sort. My weight has been a stagnant 57 kg past 6 years. Perfect balanced diet since I was a child {veggies, protein, carbs} I mostly cook homemade food and have eliminated any and all junkfood or snacks, sodas. Although i come from an abusive family, I’ve had a normal childhood, sometimes bad but mostly good. I was physically abused 4 times but nothing too bad. Dancer as a child and throughout my life, though i don’t workout, i walk 4-6 km daily, run and do pilates often. When i was around 11-12 years old, i started having pain in my chest which would make me dread P.E. First few years, i ignored it until it reached a point where i could not stand for more than couple minutes in a day. At 14 years old, started having prickly pain (pins and needles i think?) along my hands, neck, etc. It would happen every few days and still does. Migraines are something i’m accustomed to. Unable to walk straight if it starts, nausea and crushing pain in my right side of the head or the back. As i grew older, i realized i can walk for hours but i cant stand. Now this is where it gets confusing, whenever i stand stationary or in a line for more than 20-25 minutes, i get excruciating pain in the middle of my chest. A knife twisting inside and it slowly travels to the right side of my chest but only by couple inches. The pain dulls if i sit down but only completely vanishes if i fall asleep. Countless blood tests and my doctors tell me it’s all clear. Although, i was a good student in high school, this affected my attendance and the only reason i was still allowed was because i’d win debate championship for my school. I spent two years in bed, dreading going out with friends because i couldn’t stand for long which meant they had to adjust their plans for me which i had no reason to make them do so. University didn’t seem plausible as well. Everyone thought i’m faking it. Mornings are hard. need an hour to get out of the bed. Achy all over. 2022 in uni, extreme pain in my wrists, mostly right one. Physician says tendonitis so i took some meds but the pain continued. when it occurs, sharp pain from my palm to wrists sometimes to elbows. some nights, i’d let out screams because of how bad the pain was. Was taken to ER after uni because of the chest pain that was particularly worse because i was standing for way too long, after x ray, ER diagnosed me with costochondritis and gave me some anti inflammatory. Again, pain didn’t subside. 2022 i visited a dermatologist for my persistent acne and he suggested i go to a rheumatologist first to check for SAPHO syndrome. Ultrasounds all clear. Tenderness on my chest. and some points of my body. Same year, rheumatologist says everything’s clear but i have fibromyalgia. Noticed muscle tightness in legs, could never completely stretch them- extremely painful. Started physio and wore better shoes to avoid swollen feet. everything is okay except the pain. Started cymbalta (60 mg) vomited everyday for 3 months, seizures in class, tremors, started feeling more lightheaded, heart palpitations worsened. First few weeks of being on cymbalta, i fainted in middle of the road. not sure if fainting was caused by meds or because i had started being more active. when i was brought to ER, it was all fuzzy, extreme pain in my leg, my whole lower bod, shifted from extreme pain to numbness. consciousness in n out. was administered fentanyl and discharged next evening. Had to skip two semesters of uni, convinced my rheumatologist to submit medical report to my university, stating difficulty in attending 100% of my classes. got a title of “accommodations student” while still treated as a student who has no real health issue. physio for 6 months, no improvement in chest pain. rheumatologist says chest pain is fibromyalgia but i see no correlation. Cymbalta worked for sometime i think (my wrist pain got significantly better sometimes) but the side effects confused me to the point that i don’t know if i was getting better or worse. rheumatologist said nausea is not caused by cymbalta so i tried taking it again 2023. rheumo psychiatrist suggested i take 30 mg for a week then 60 mg, tried and vomiting didn’t stop. Not to mention this year i keep getting suicidal because of how much pain i’m in every minute of my life with no possible end to it. contrary to last year where i was feeling low but not suicidal. last year psychiatrist said i don’t have any mental illness. This year, got diagnosed with depression. 2023 august cardio checkup everything is clear. echo holter all is fine. Last week i saw neurologist who i was referred to due to fainting. And his opinion is by far the most funny thing i’ve heard in a while. “There is no physical pain, it is all in your head. Stress caused responses. I’ll refer you to psychology in mental health hospital.” He doesn’t think i’ve fibromyalgia and gave me cipralex 10 mg, a lot of vitamin b12 and D. He mentioned something about gastric but doesn’t think i have it. He thinks there’s nothing medically or physically wrong with me. i’m back at square one. A+ student but can’t attend class daily, which my instructors aren’t so happy about. people still think i’m faking it. Now, can someone please tell me what do i have? what should i do? is this a disability? is this all in my head? will this standing chest pain ever go away? should i try cymbalta again? or should i take cipralex?

To clarify, I’m grasping for straws through this post - anything that makes sense. 20F, 59 kg with no history of smoking, drinking or anything of that sort. My weight has been a stagnant 57 kg past 6 years. Perfect balanced diet since I was a child {veggies, protein, carbs} I mostly cook homemade food and have eliminated any and all junkfood or snacks, sodas. Although i come from an abusive family, I’ve had a normal childhood, sometimes bad but mostly good. I was physically abused 4 times but nothing too bad. Dancer as a child and throughout my life, though i don’t workout, i walk 4-6 km daily, run and do pilates often. When i was around 11-12 years old, i started having pain in my chest which would make me dread P.E. First few years, i ignored it until it reached a point where i could not stand for more than couple minutes in a day. At 14 years old, started having prickly pain (pins and needles i think?) along my hands, neck, etc. It would happen every few days and still does. Migraines are something i’m accustomed to. Unable to walk straight if it starts, nausea and crushing pain in my right side of the head or the back. As i grew older, i realized i can walk for hours but i cant stand. Now this is where it gets confusing, whenever i stand stationary or in a line for more than 20-25 minutes, i get excruciating pain in the middle of my chest. A knife twisting inside and it slowly travels to the right side of my chest but only by couple inches. The pain dulls if i sit down but only completely vanishes if i fall asleep. Countless blood tests and my doctors tell me it’s all clear. Although, i was a good student in high school, this affected my attendance and the only reason i was still allowed was because i’d win debate championship for my school. I spent two years in bed, dreading going out with friends because i couldn’t stand for long which meant they had to adjust their plans for me which i had no reason to make them do so. University didn’t seem plausible as well. Everyone thought i’m faking it. Mornings are hard. need an hour to get out of the bed. Achy all over. 2022 in uni, extreme pain in my wrists, mostly right one. Physician says tendonitis so i took some meds but the pain continued. when it occurs, sharp pain from my palm to wrists sometimes to elbows. some nights, i’d let out screams because of how bad the pain was. Was taken to ER after uni because of the chest pain that was particularly worse because i was standing for way too long, after x ray, ER diagnosed me with costochondritis and gave me some anti inflammatory. Again, pain didn’t subside. 2022 i visited a dermatologist for my persistent acne and he suggested i go to a rheumatologist first to check for SAPHO syndrome. Ultrasounds all clear. Tenderness on my chest. and some points of my body. Same year, rheumatologist says everything’s clear but i have fibromyalgia. Noticed muscle tightness in legs, could never completely stretch them- extremely painful. Started physio and wore better shoes to avoid swollen feet. everything is okay except the pain. Started cymbalta (60 mg) vomited everyday for 3 months, seizures in class, tremors, started feeling more lightheaded, heart palpitations worsened. First few weeks of being on cymbalta, i fainted in middle of the road. not sure if fainting was caused by meds or because i had started being more active. when i was brought to ER, it was all fuzzy, extreme pain in my leg, my whole lower bod, shifted from extreme pain to numbness. consciousness in n out. was administered fentanyl and discharged next evening. Had to skip two semesters of uni, convinced my rheumatologist to submit medical report to my university, stating difficulty in attending 100% of my classes. got a title of “accommodations student” while still treated as a student who has no real health issue. physio for 6 months, no improvement in chest pain. rheumatologist says chest pain is fibromyalgia but i see no correlation. Cymbalta worked for sometime i think (my wrist pain got significantly better sometimes) but the side effects confused me to the point that i don’t know if i was getting better or worse. rheumatologist said nausea is not caused by cymbalta so i tried taking it again 2023. rheumo psychiatrist suggested i take 30 mg for a week then 60 mg, tried and vomiting didn’t stop. Not to mention this year i keep getting suicidal because of how much pain i’m in every minute of my life with no possible end to it. contrary to last year where i was feeling low but not suicidal. last year psychiatrist said i don’t have any mental illness. This year, got diagnosed with depression. 2023 august cardio checkup everything is clear. echo holter all is fine. Last week i saw neurologist who i was referred to due to fainting. And his opinion is by far the most funny thing i’ve heard in a while. “There is no physical pain, it is all in your head. Stress caused responses. I’ll refer you to psychology in mental health hospital.” He doesn’t think i’ve fibromyalgia and gave me cipralex 10 mg, a lot of vitamin b12 and D. He mentioned something about gastric but doesn’t think i have it. He thinks there’s nothing medically or physically wrong with me. i’m back at square one. A+ student but can’t attend class daily, which my instructors aren’t so happy about. people still think i’m faking it. Now, can someone please tell me what do i have? what should i do? is this a disability? is this all in my head? will this standing chest pain ever go away? should i try cymbalta again? or should i take cipralex?

I’m 21NB. I got diagnosed with BPD a little over a year ago. Before that, I was diagnosed with CPTSD with strong cluster B traits from ages 18-20, and before that, depression with strong cluster B traits at 11 years old. I’ve been medicated (Previously: Prozac, Abilify, Celexa, Adderall. Currently: Wellbutrin, Cymbalta, Hydroxyzine) 24/7 (besides brief periods of running away/homelessness as a teen) for almost 10 years now, as well as been in DBT based talk therapy for 10 years. I was in residential treatment in Utah ages 16-18.
Do I have even a little bit of a shot at living a normal life? I moved out of my parents at 19 with a full time job, and I’ve had brief periods of stability, but I feel like my life will never go anywhere.
I feel like everyone else I know in their 20s has it so much more together than me. I don’t have any friends, and I can’t figure out why. I mask BPD symptoms very well in my social life, to the point people don’t know anythings wrong with me until they see my SH scars or I tell them about my mental illness situation.
I’m worried I’ve reached my limit, for how much “better” I can get from BPD. I’m a million times better than i was as a teenager. I have honest and loving relationships with all my family members, but I still can’t figure out how to keep a friend or a partner. Can’t figure out how to eat, budget money, or keep my apartment clean. I just feel so lost. I’m CONSTANTLY (10+ times a day) thinking about my parents and sister dying and leaving me alone. I haven’t clung to my mom the way I do now since I was 4. I feel pressure to meet someone and settle down so I’m prepared for when my parents and sister die. I fell in love for a little bit, but they were addicted to meth, crack, and fentanyl and couldn’t stay clean. I feel like I’m running out of time.
Has anyone, especially young adults, felt like this? I feel like I’m going insane.

I went to see a new rheumatologist last week to discuss my pain. He agrees that I have pain from my hypermobility but apparently they don’t prescribe pain meds. He wants me to see pain management (already in the works) but he specifically mentioned pain patches like Fentanyl or Butrans.
I’m F27 and currently just on Gabapentin at night to help me sleep. I can’t take any NSAIDS due to severe GERD so my options are limited. I’m already on Cymbalta. I have taken narcotics after surgeries and found that my overall pain is reduced but obviously I’m hesitant to take long term narcotics especially in my 20s. I’ve been in pain for years but I’m definitely progressing and getting worse, and I’m barely able to socialize or leave the house for long periods of time due to pain.
Does anyone else have experience with these pain patches specifically or with pain management in general?

33f 5’8 130lbs
Prescribed meds Lyrica 600mg daily cymbalta 60mg daily oxycodone 5mg 3x a day
Several years ago I had some type of mass in my jaw. I was on and off opioids and had several surgeries. I was wired shut for a long time and was on liquid morphine and I never abused the morphine and did well on it. Then when I had surgery to get the titanium in my jaw they switched me to oxy. I did ok on oxy for maybe a week and then I’d do the whole months worth in a day or two. Then I’d get heroin or fentanyl. I was in and out of detox last year and every time I’d go for 5 days but I was never prescribed suboxone or any plan for afterwards and I’d start using again basically immediately. I have a pain team that handles my meds and somehow they are unaware of the detox or heroin use. I’m going Wednesday and it’s refill day and I’m so nervous to start again. I’m sober right now but am already getting that itch knowing refill is two days away. My question is, will I loose my lyrica and cymbalta is I’m honest with my pain team? I’m basically unable to handle the pain without it. Does suboxone help with pain? Any ideas appreciated as I really am so burnt out on this whole cycle. How would I communicate this to my pain doctors? Or would it be better to see my primary care?

Hi Team CP 👋 My pain Dolores is really making herself known atm. I have adenomyosis and possibly some other stuff but I've managed well for almost 3 years on targin 100 mg a day plus palexia 400mg a day, cymbalta, ibuprofen and paracetamol. Yes it's a lot but I've been able to work (HS Teacher), keep my house semi tidy and family (3 kids) going. Recently she's got heaps worse. I have a hysterectomy scheduled for 7 June. It honestly can't come soon enough. My life is falling apart. The house is untidy, my mental health is suffering. About 3 weeks ago it got to the point where I needed to up my pain meds. The doc put me on buprenorphine patch plus targin 10 twice a day. It did not control her. Each step I take it's like someone is pushing me up into my uterus. So he put me on fentanyl 100. So they work OK, but I can still feel her sometimes. And the mind fog is so strong now I can't function at work. I had to stop working about 3 weeks ago. I just feel like everything is coming to a head. I've been on the patches about 3 weeks and the breakthrough Dolores is becoming more frequent and intense. What can I do? I can't up this dose anymore. Any advice on how to get through until the hysterectomy is greatly appreciated. OMG I hope it works. I need Dolores out of my life 🙄🙏

F28 Caucasian. 5'4" 205 lbs. Daily user of nicotine vape. Occasional alcohol (not mixed with opioids). Apologies in advance for the length.
I have had pain near my right ovary since getting PID from an IUD in 2016. It was removed but the infection badly scarred my fallopian tubes. On Feb 28 this year, I decided to try another IUD (Mirena). We took precautions to ensure no infection was present and the strings were cut short. Since then, the pain started to increase. They thought scar tissue had formed adhesions. Surgery on March 17 (ex lap) showed stage two endometriosis with partial obliteration of the cul-de-sac instead. I was on Percocet and 600 mg ibuprofen, alternating every three hours. Pain lessened until I got a UTI. Then a few days after that, the right kidney pain started. Took my last two Percocet to deal with the kidney and pelvic pain (I hadn't needed any in over a week) and wound up in the ER April 4 to rule out an infected kidney stone (I've had stones before). Three doses of fentanyl barely touched the pain, just made it so I wasn't crying from it anymore and I didn't care as much.
CT was clean, and they sent me home with tramadol saying it was surgical pain. My OBGYN saw me a couple days later at my post op. Prescribed more Percocet since the tramadol wasn't helping at all, and added continuous NuvaRing to see if that would help. Since then, when it gets bad, it takes 2 Percocet, an extra 500-650 mg Tylenol, and 600 mg ibuprofen all at the same time is the only thing that takes the edge off. And it gets bad daily, worsening as the day goes on. I've had ultrasounds, CBC, urine cultures, and vaginal swabs to rule out infection. Yesterday I didn't notice that my Dr had messaged me on MyChart around 12:30 asking about the pain. When I did notice, it was after office hours.
I have two Percocet left and the pain is starting to get intense again. I've been trying to stick with Tylenol and the 600 mg ibuprofen but I'm not sure how long I can keep this up. I've not had any Percocet today. It's the weekend. Urgent care and the walk in clinic won't prescribe opioids, plus I don't wanna seem like I'm doctor shopping. I also don't want to come across as drug seeking if I end up back in the ER. I have a lot of chronic health issues and they know me well, but still. I'm not sure what to do. Percocet isn't cutting it but I don't want to become dependent on opioids either. Next step is a referral to the pain clinic but that could take weeks. I'm in tears by the end of the day most days, especially if the pain starts early. I'm not sure how to go about treating my pain in the meantime. Heating pads don't help. Hot baths don't help. Nothing is helping.
Diagnoses: (physical) hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, SVT, chronic gastritis and GERD, fibromyalgia, neuropathy, occipital neuralgia, Trigeminal Neuralgia (currently not flaring), asthma (mild), obstructive sleep apnea (moderate), central sleep apnea (variable), arthritis (mild), hyperhidrosis (thanks dysautonomia), chronic migraines, pre-diabetes. Also had a back injury in 2021 that flares up, and am in remission from Gastroparesis.
(Mental) GAD, major depression, OCD, ADHD, BPD (borderline), cPTSD, ASD (awaiting appt for testing), and some type of dissociative disorder that my therapist is trying to figure out how to code (not quite OSDD 1a, not quite OSDD 1b).
Current meds: Morning: COQ10 200 mg. Fish oil 500 mg. B6 complex. Vitamin B12. Vitamin D. Pindolol 5 mg. Protonix 40 mg? Metformin 1000 mg. Vyvanse 60 mg. Glycopyrrolate 2 mg. Probiotic.
Afternoon: Gabapentin 300 mg.
Evening: Metformin 1000 mg.
Night: Fish oil 500 mg. Magnesium 250 mg. Melatonin 5 mg. Trazodone 25 mg. Unisom 25 mg. Cymbalta 120 mg. Prazosin 5 mg. Guanfacine 3 mg. Latuda 40 mg. Glycopyrrolate 2 mg. Protonix 40 mg? Amitriptyline HCI 25 mg. Gabapentin 600 mg. Baclofen 20 mg. (I don't take within 6 hrs of taking Percocet)
Weekly: ozempic injection, 1 mg
PRN. Zofran 4 mg. Klonopin 0.5-1 mg. Rizatriptan Benzoate ODT 10 mg. Lidoderm patches. Baclofen 20 mg.
Also have a Mirena IUD and continuous NuvaRing for birth control and endometriosis.
Edit to add: my most recent ultrasound showed a small ovarian cyst on my left ovary, and said my right ovary has a polycystic appearance. They removed a fallopian cyst on my right tube during surgery.

F24, 180lbs, taking Abilify, Trileptal, Vyvanse, Clonidine, Cymbalta
I’m horrified right now. I thought I’d been doing cocaine, but come to find out after a trip to the ER it was Fentanyl. I did it for about a week- about five times total.
Will there be any long term effects? It’s been about 24 hours since I last did it and I don’t feel any lingering effects, but I’m terrified now.

33f meds oxycodone 20mg 4x a day lyrica 200mg 3x a day cymbalta 60mg 1x a day and usually 1200mg ibuprofen daily.
When I was a child I fell down the stairs and broke my face. I had several surgeries over my young life and eventually had tmj custom prosthetics when I was 29. I really thought the pain would stop but it really hasn’t. I started on opioids around the time I was 27 full time but before that I had been in a terrible car accident at 19 where I was on them for about a year and then two c sections and a few other small surgeries where I was also prescribed them. So anyways I get 98 oxy every 28 days and usually am out within 3-4 days. I always save 4 so I can take two the night before the drug test and two the morning of the drug test. I’ve been doing this since about 1 year after I was first prescribed them at 27. Up until last year when I would run out I would switch to heroin then when that became impossible to find I would switch to fentanyl then about a week before my drug test I’d go cold Turkey withdrawal and then repeat the cycle. About a year ago I made it up in my mind I’d stop switching to fentanyl and just do my prescription which has caused fights with my husband so I know longer ask him to “be in charge” I do have pretty extreme pain but obviously if I’m only treating it for 3-4 days a month I’m not sure why I even bother as this whole cycle is soo hard on me and my teenage daughters. I really want to stop but I’m so afraid of what happens next. I also do have a screw loose in my Mandible and need surgery for that currently just waiting on finding out how much they will replace this time. So my question is, how will my doctors react and how will pain be treated after these surgeries? It’s just so scary but I really think I’m so done with it all. I will also add I am totally content keeping my pain at a 5-6 I’m not expecting a 0 with any type of treatment.

41yo female, 5'11" 180lbs, non-smoker, cannabis user.
Weekly alcoholic beverages: 5 or 6
Daily meds: gabapentin, Cymbalta, flexeril.
Occasionally I also take Atarax for anxiety and a low-dose Norco for chronic pain.
My feet and ankles are extremely swollen. When I got up this morning, I noticed that my legs were stiff and my feet ached, but I figured it would get better with movement throughout the day. It didn't. Just a few days ago, I had very bony ankles but now they have been swallowed up in the swelling to the pont that I can't even see them My range of motion has been affected, and I can not flex my ankle or bend my knee normally.
I asked Google before I asked you guys, and two of the top conditions listed were cirrhosis of the liver and kidney disease. I do drink regularly. Sometimes i just have a few beers, sometimes I polish off a bottle of wine. About three years ago, my liver enzymes were checked as part of a pre-op blood panel and I was told that it was "within the normal range." Could a liver go from healthy to cirrhosis in 3 years?
Relevant medical history;
In the early '00s, I injured my lower back and was put on a prescription regimen that included soma, Norco, and fentanyl topical patches (omg I know, right?! Wtf were they thinking?), among other things. I think this went on for close to 3 years.
Along the way, one of my kidneys got infected and I nearly died because I didn't seek help earlier. I'm trying not to make the same mistake but also trying not to be a drama queen hypochondriac.I have pics but it looks like i can't port them here. Thanks so much.

I am in pain management and currently take 2x 10mg oxy ir ,25mg amitriptyline, 30mg flexiril a day for a slew of autoimmune diseases, and skeletal issues. So heres the thing that 2x 10mg of oxy is not cutting it for a full 24 hours after a nasty car wreck i had in October (wasnt at fault). I told the nurse practitioner at my appointment and he tried to push buprenorphine strips and i do not want that cause it doesn't do crap for me,gives me headaches, i know it rots your teeth out,and i have enough issues with retaining my teeth for my other health b.s.Also i have tried the patch and i had an allergic reaction same with the fentanyl patch. so i have two issues:one being that at my docs office you NEVER see the same dr twice so everytime i go they try to push buprenorphine because thats what they are contracted to do apparently(one nurse straight told.me this). The other issue is im trying to figure out a way to get them to understand that my medication was fine prior to the car accident but now its not helping as much. It does give me relief for about 8 hours a day but the other 16 is a struggle. Its to the point im only taking medication at night so i can sleep. I was on cymbalta for nerve pain but the pills are constantly getting stuck in my throat and it burns to the point i have to vomit.

Female, 35, 145lb, 5'1". I'm 3 months postpartum and breastfeeding. I have fibromyalgia and chronic migraines and take 60mg of Cymbalta daily.
I was at a carnival with my family and took my 4yo on a ride that ended in a slide. I went down the slide just fine. The bottom of the slide was cushioned. I stood up on the cushion and my foot sunk in and buckled under me. I felt some intense pain but it didn't feel too bad since my unmedicated labor is still fresh in my mind. I hopped off the cushion, and found that my right foot was angled inward at about 90 degrees. We called 911. The paramedics couldn't find a pulse in my foot and decided to reduce the dislocation on site. They administered some fentanyl and successfully reduced the dislocation. I was then transported to the ER. They took x-rays of my right leg knee down. The x-rays didn't show any fractures so they told me I had a sprain, put my foot in a boot, gave me crutches and sent me home to follow up with my doctor. This happened on Wednesday at 7pm, in Houston, TX. It is now Friday night.
I'd like to know what my prognosis is? Google tells me ankle dislocations without fractures are rare. Is it possible a fracture was missed? I'm going to make an appointment with an Ortho this week. What questions should I ask? How do I get the report from the paramedic? I'm worried I won't be believed about the extent of the dislocation without any broken bones.
The radiology report reads:
EXAM: XR RIGHT KNEE 3 VIEWS
EXAM: XR RIGHT TIBIA-FIBULA 2 VIEWS
EXAM: XR RIGHT ANKLE 3 VIEWS
EXAM: XR RIGHT FOOT 3 VIEWS
DATE: 12/28/2022 at 2211 hours
INDICATION:- ankle dislocation
COMPARISON: None.
UT SECTION: ER
TECHNIQUE: 3 views of the knee, 2 views of the tibia-fibula, 3 views of the ankle, 3 views of the foot.
FINDINGS: Knee: No acute fracture or malalignment is identified. No knee joint effusion is present.
Tibia-fibula: No acute fracture or malalignment is identified.
Ankle: No acute fracture or malalignment is identified. The ankle mortise is congruent.
Foot: No acute fracture or malalignment is identified.
Soft tissues: Soft tissue swelling of the ankle, greatest laterally
IMPRESSION:

1. There is no acute osseous abnormality of the right knee, tibia, fibula, ankle nor foot.
   
2. Convex soft tissue swelling is present at the right ankle, greatest laterally.
   

I'm sick of pretending these people have the slightest clue what they are doing.
I'm in pain literally every day. I'm in my 40s and this started in my teens. I don't know anything else. Every fucking day I hurt. Doctors don't give two shits. The only way I can get any relief at all is to buy opiates illegally and pop azo like candy. It doesn't even really work, it just makes it a little bit better.
Alpha blockers don't work. Aleve doesn't work. Physical therapy doesn't work. OAB meds don't work. Cialis doesn't work. Special diets don't work. I haven't eaten a meal with flavor in fucking months. Exercise doesn't work. I'm in perfect physical condition and my symptoms are still here. Cymbalta didn't work. Marijuana doesn't fucking work. Does kinda take the edge of I guess. I've tried damn near everything I can think of. None of this shit works.
Just cut this fucking organ out of my body. If that doesn't fix it, then cut more shit out until it's fucking fixed. I don't care. I don't want to fucking live with this another goddamn day, let alone another 40 years.
None of these doctor's give a shit. "Oh you shouldn't be taking opiates you might get addicted" bitch I don't CARE if I'm addicted. I don't CARE if I fucking overdose. I'm sick and fucking tired of feeling this way. NOTHING you have done has ever worked. I've spent my entire goddamn life saving up money and spending it on medical care that doesn't work.
I can't hold a fucking relationship, I can't hold a job, I can barely maintain friendships because who the fuck wants to spend time with someone who can't do anything? Traveling? HAH I can't even drive an hour.
Once upon a time I wanted a family, a wife to take care of, a pretty house in the hills somewhere. That dream is dead and buried.
I can't even get pain management. Pain Management doctors want to give me injections into my spine that don't do anything. They won't give me opiates. They all think I'm just some junkie. I'm not a fucking junkie. I monitor my doses religiously and the fact I haven't OD'd already is a goddamn miracle because half the shit I buy is re-pressed with fentanyl. I don't want to be high. I want a clear head. I want to live my life like a normal person. I want to go to a movie theater. I want to go to an amusement park. I want to go on road trips. I want to canoe and hike and kayak and rock climb and do all the other shit people like to do but I can't fucking do ANY of it without being in agony the entire fucking time.
I'm not saying a proper pain management routine would help. Maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would make shit worse for all I know. But it's the only thing I haven't tried yet because there is no doctor who will just help me manage my pain and give it to me straight up. If I take oxycontin every day how long will I live? What will my end of life look like? Will I be able to get 30 years of a decent quality of life?
I even tried to get in on some clinical trials and research. None of them wanted men in their study. Even the fucking people researching this shit don't care.
I'm sorry, this rant is all over the place and it adds literally nothing of value. I'm just so tired of feeling this way and I needed to let off steam.

Hey everyone! I have a couple questions abour medication response, based on previous responses to medication.
I just had my first two ketamine infusions, one being 0.4mg/kg, and the one this morning being 0.5mg/kg. I’ve has the strongest response from this treatment than from any i’ve had at all. This morning i went through an event after my infusion that reminded me of a traumatic event, it really scared me, not knowing why i was upset because of the effect of the ketamine.
My psychiatrist walked into the room and saw me crying, and i told her the situation that had occurred, she started to ask me a few questions, ending in a realization it made me remember a traumatic event, and since she helped me through it during, and made my reaction seem normal, i think it’s not going to bother me anymore.
I’d usual get mad at a person not involved in what triggered me, but rhis time i had a natural reaction and cryed, feeling pure pain without a hostile reaction. I’m so proud of myself and i’m so happy ketamine is working for me. Yes i’m on a fairly low dose, but it’s already working very well. It’s helping with my anxiety, depression, and drug cravings since the first infusion, and now trauma.
My question is, is there any medications that you can take daily that working on the same receptors as ketamine without the psychoactive effect? Anything that i could use so the periods between infusions where my symptoms come back, or somerhing i could use for maintenance so i wouldn’t have to get infusions as regularly as the usual one month?
I’m thinking about maybe selegiline, patch form, 6mg so no dietary restrictions or hypertensive crisis (yes i know it’s not that bad but i’d rather not go through it or risk it), if you have any recommendations please share!
Diagnosis i have: • Treatment Resistant Generalized Anxiety Disorder • Traatment Resistant Depression • Social Phobia • Panic Disorder • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder • Substance/Opioid Use Disorder • Attention Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder Type 2 • Chronic Insomnia • Irritable Bowel Syndrome Type M • Gastroesophageal Reflux Disorder • Gilbert’s Syndrome • Was Misdiagnosed With Bipolar 1 Disorder During Substance Abuse, Now Not Diagnosed
I’ve trialed 30 medications as of now. Those being: • Benzos: 2mg qd + 2mg did Lorazepam (Ativan), 0.25mg prn Alprazolam (Xanax), 0.25mg qd + 0.5mg did Clonazepam ODT (Klonopin Wafers), and 1.75-5mg a day Clonazepam (Klonipin) • Z-Drugs: 5mg Sonata (Zaleplon) • Gabapentinoids: 300-3,600mg a day Neurontin (Gabapentin) • Antidepressant: 5-20mg qd Escitalopram (Lexapro), 30-60mg qd Duloxetine (Cymbalta DR), 12.5-50mg qd Trazodone (Desyrel), 150mg qd Bupropion (Wellbutrin XL), and 7.5mg qd Mirtazapine (Remeron) • Antipsychotics: 25-400mg qd + 25mg tid Quetiapine (Seroquel), 300mg qd Quetiapine ER (Seroquel ER) 5mg qd Olanzapine ODT (Zyprexa Zydus), 2.5-10mg a day Asenapine Maleate (Saphris) • Mood Stabilizers: 250-750mg a day Sodium Valproate DR (Depakote DR), 1,000mg qd Sodium Valproate ER (Depakote ER), 300mg did Lithium Carbonate ER (Lithobid) • Stimulants: 20-30mg qd Mixed Amphetamine Salts ER (Adderall XR), 7.5-15mg qd Mixed Amphetamine Salts IR (Adderall IR), 20-35mg a day Dextroamphetamine Sulfate SR (Dexedrine Spansules) • Medication Assisted Treatment: 25mg qd Naltrexone (Revia), 2-12mg a day Buprenorphine/Naloxone (Suboxone), 8.6/2.1mg qd Buprenorphine/Naloxone (Zubsolv) • Atypical Anxiolytics: 187-266mg a day Medical Marijuana, 50mg tid Hydroxyzine HCL (Atarax), 10-40mg qd Propranolol (Inderal), 5mg did Buspirone (Buspar), 50mcg qd Clonidine (Catapres) • Dissociative Anesthetics: 0.4-0.5mg/kg Intravenous Ketamine (Ketalar)
As well as these medications for anxiety-related ibs: Antiemetics: 4-12mg tid Ondansetron (Zofran), 2-4mg a day Lorazepam (Ativan), 4-8mg tid Ondansetron ODT (Zofran ODT), 25mg did Promethazine (Phenergan), 1mg did Granisetron (Kytril), and 300mg qd Trimethobenzamide (Tigan) Antacids: 1g did Sucralfate (Carafate), 40mg qd Omeprazole (Prilosec), and 40mg qd Famotidine (Pepcid) Gut Antispasmodics: 20mg did Dicyclomine (Bentyl), and 0.125mg did Hyoscyamine Sulfate (Levsin SL)
I’m currently on the following: 20mg Dexedrine Spansules q8am 15mg Dexedrine Spansules q12pm 8.6/2.1mg Zubsolv q3pm 50mcg Catapres qhs 40mg Famotidine qhs
I currently have these meds as prn: 0.125mg Levsin SL did 300mg Tigan
“Recreational” Drugs I Use: Caffeine Vaping Smoking (Cigarettes)
Drugs I Mainly Used When I Active Abused Drugs: (Three Months Sober Tomorrow • Fentanyl (Smoked) (Daily) • Meth (Smoked) (Daily) • Cocaine (Insufflated) (Daily) • Weed (Smoked/Vaped/Oral) (Daily) • Klonopin (Insufflated) (Daily) • Alcohol (Oral) (Daily) • Dilaudid(Insufflated) (Weekly) • Opana (Insufflated) (Weekly) • Phenobarbital (Oral/IN) (Weekly) • Propylhexedrine (PO) (Weekly) • MDMA (Snorted/Bombed) (Biweekly) • LSD (Sublingual) (Biweek/monthly)
Drugs I Used When I Started Using: • Soma (Oral) (Daily) • Flexeril (Oral) (Twice Weekly) • Hycodan (Oral) (Every Other Day) • Ultram (Oral) (Every Other Day) • Oxycodone (Oral) (Daily) • Meth (Insufflated/Smoked) (Weekly) • Vyvanse (Oral) (Weekly) • Ambien (Oral) (2-3x Weekly) • Weed (Vaped/Smoked/Oral) (Daily) • Alcohol (Oral) (Weekly) • Xanax (Oral/Ate) (Daily) • LSD (Sublingual) (Every 2 Months)

I’ve (69f) had severe pain from ibs-c and later diverticular disease off and on for decades. I get spasms, gas pain, and I’m not sure what else. I’m asking about pain management because it might help me understand what type of pain I’m having. I’m currently under the care of a sympathetic and kind colorectal surgeon who didn’t want to operate on me and who is really trying to help me. He just did a colonoscopy and I think he might want to operate now.. I also have fibromyalgia, ckd 3, hashimoto’s controlled by synthroid, and anxiety/depression, also controlled by cymbalta and gabapentin as needed. History of endometriosis with total hysterectomy. Also interstitial cystitis.
I have long used meds like bentyl and now levsin. A few years ago gabapentin was added to my personal pharmacy. If I catch the pain quickly enough, a sublingual levsin might take care of it. I think of this pain as spasms. It is critical for me not to get constipated, and because my body seems to want to be constipated, I take miralax currently, but have tried many other things, including Trulance (nothing, but longer trial might have been better. It’s too expensive though.) I also have tried linzess (gave me terrible bloating and more pain). Fiber in food sometimes helps, but I cannot add fiber through things like citrusel etc because that makes me worse.
If it comes quickly and forcefully, I can tell levsin will not handle it alone, so I also take gabapentin. The key for me seems always to be to stop the spasms before they get too bad. If I lie down and relax while the meds work, I can frequently get through it without too much pain and will be able to pass gas and have bms.
However, there are occasionally times when those meds don’t work. Those times the pain I so bad that I don’t think I can stand it. I have to have air blowing on me and cool water on me and I suffer for hours like this. I sweat and writhe. Sometimes I can get through it ok, but sometimes the pain is too much. Those are the times that only opioids help, and I mean like fentanyl. I’m in an ambulance or at er when I have those meds, and they instantly start calming and then remove my pain. I also think these are spasms because the pain usually on needs relieving like that for a few hours and I’m better.
The last time was a few days ago after a colonoscopy. I had to get three doses of fentanyl before I could get past the pain. This was a normal colonoscopy without any issues other than I have a tortuous and narrowed bowel. No biopsies.
*So, they say opioids don’t help with ibs pain, but they help me. What does this say about my type of pain?
(I don’t want to take these meds unless I’m in that kind of pain. I don’t have any opiod prescriptions and I know they slow bowels and increase constipation.)
Anyone have ideas? I think knowing this might help treatment. I think the surgeon is going to want to do a partial colectomy after the degree of diverticulosis and narrowing he saw in the colonoscopy, but I don’t want to do it unless I know it will help. He has said it doesn’t cure ibs (otherwise everyone would just have the surgery). I had a hysterectomy at age 32 for endometriosis on my bowels to cure my severe bowel pain (didn’t work and caused more problems), so I’m skeptical. Still, this pain has been wrecking my life for the past year or so and I worry as I get into advanced years what will happen. My mother suffered, really suffered with a similar problem to the end of her life, and it was on her mind every waking hour. I don’t want that for me or my child. So will surgery help? I see him in a few days and I want to have done my research as much as I can.
Sorry for the long post, but that’s just me. I so appreciate your time and anything you might know that could help. Thanks!

49F with bad neck pain for the past week. Back of neck on right side but very close to middle. It’s worst when I’m sitting (especially driving) or standing. I get some comfort laying flat on back but can’t lay on side like I usually do to sleep.
Started a week ago while on vacation. Didn’t do anything except sleep on a different bed but with my regular pillow. Have rx for Methocarbamol (I get back pains some) but that and Aleve didn’t help at all. Neither did PT exercises I’d learned several years ago (other side was mildly irritated for awhile due to work desk but I work from home now). Also tried heat, biofreeze, capzasin and salonpas.
I thought pulled muscle but have weird stabbing pain up into base of skull almost. Went to ER in the town I was in and they gave me a shot of Orphenadrine and rx for oral Tizanidine. Took for a few days but it did nothing.
Got back into town Sat and went to local ER because pain was now a 7 out of 10. They thought maybe pinched nerve. X-rays clear except for this: “Mild disc space narrowing at C3-C4. Scattered osteophytes. C3-C4 facet hypertrophy and C6-C7 facet hypertrophy.”
She gave me a Valium, shot of Toradol and a shot of Dexmethasone. Hurt the same but I didn’t care as much so she gave me a shot of Fentanyl. No further relief. She sent me home with rx for Tylenol 3 and Prednisone and said to take with prior muscle relaxers from other ER.
It’s now Monday evening and the pain is still very much there. PCP can’t see me until Thur but his nurse already said just a referral to spine dr or pain mgmt probably.
I’ve got high bp that’s under control with metoprolol (well except it’s been high cause of this), diabetes 2 that’s under control with diet and Metformin, I take Cymbalta for anxiety and general pains from osteoarthritis in feet and back, and hydroxyzine to help me sleep. I’ve lost about 30lbs since March with about 70 more to lose (I’ve got PCOS and almost thru menopause so I have Mirena IUD and estradiol patch too).
Just looking for suggestions on what the issue might be or what other tests I could ask for.

So when I (23F) was 18 a psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar type 2 after taking Cymbalta seemed to make me hypomanic. I took all sorts of Bipolar meds for 4-5 years and the only one that ever helped me was Seroquel. Then, around a year ago, I was told that I’m actually not Bipolar and I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which supposedly looked a lot like Bipolar Disorder when it was combined with my ADHD. Then, I had to quit Seroquel cold turkey about 4 months ago because after taking it for years suddenly it was giving me a hard time breathing and swallowing. I was on the max dose. The withdrawals were awful. I was puking for about 2 weeks and only weed and Xanax helped. 4 months later and I still don’t really have an appetite and I can hardly sleep. Maybe 3 1/2 months ago I was put on Mirtazapine and I thought I finally struck gold in the medication department. I really thought I was getting better so I went and got a job and moved to a nearby city so I would have more opportunities than in the country.
But, as it turns out, that was just the beginning of what I can only describe as a full-blown manic episode. Before that happened, though, I stopped seeing my long-term psychiatrist because he started refusing to give me Xanax after he found out (from a treatment center I was at) that I drank alcohol one time. I wasn’t ready to quit Xanax because my panic attacks are VERY severe and without it I frequently end up in an ambulance because I think I’m having a heart attack, stroke, or pulmonary embolism. But anyways, I wasn’t able to find a psychiatrist to establish long-term care with so I’ve been getting meds from my primary care doctor. But she wouldn’t prescribe a medication for the mania because I hadn’t already been taking something for that. I know, it wasn’t smart to abruptly stop seeing my psychiatrist, but he really was awful for a lot of reasons. He had me on almost 10 separate medications at one time. I’ve never felt so horrible.
Anyways, 2-3 months ago, I got pretty manic. I ended up in the ER at least 5 or 6 times (in the past two months or so) either for panic attacks or for a psych eval, but there was no hospital that would let me voluntarily admit (because I wasn’t suicidal). I repeatedly told them I believed I was manic and COMPLETELY unable to take care of myself. They refused to even give me any medication at all, until the last time I went when a doctor agreed to give me Zyprexa, which I had been on in the past. Now I finally found a nurse practitioner who will see me, but she says she won’t prescribe anything new for 6 weeks so we can really tell what is and isn’t working. The problem is, I kind of had a meltdown and took a month’s worth of Xanax in 3 days, so now I have nothing to help me eat or sleep. She did restart my Adderall yesterday, which makes me feel chiller and less restless, but I know stimulants can start or exacerbate mania. It certainly doesn’t help me sleep (besides short naps) or eat. Nothing else calms me down.
EXCEPT my old 100mg Seroquel. I decided to try taking some during a really bad panic attack and it WORKED (I chewed it up so that it would work faster). I’ve taken it every day for 5 days now and I think it’s the only thing keeping me sane. I feel hypomanic, but as if it’s about to get more severe. The problem is my new PNP won’t even prescribe me a small dose of Seroquel, when before, the issues with breathing/swallowing happened at 800mg. I told her how I felt, and that the Zyprexa doesn’t seem to have an effect at all, but she wants me to wait 6 weeks even though I’m not eating or sleeping and I have started to have suicidal thoughts.
So I’m just taking this expired Seroquel whenever I get too anxious or feel like self-harming. I know I shouldn’t, but to me it’s better than the Fentanyl I was snorting/smoking when I first became manic and again when I first ran out of Xanax. I actually overdosed and almost died.
My mom really wants me to go back to a residential treatment facility for mental health, substance abuse, and what is most likely an Anorexia Nervosa relapse. I was against this at first, because I’ve been around 13 times, plus the psych ward 4 times. But now I don’t see what choice I have because I really am not coping well and I feel like I’m about to lose control again.
So I guess I just need advice and support. I feel really alone and trapped. I’m losing hope. I’ve been on a over 30 different psych meds and for the most part, the last 3-4 years have been one long major depressive episode. Now I feel up and down at the same time and I’m scared of what I might do.
TLDR: HELP PLS

Hey Everyone!
Here’s some background information before I start the post.
I’ve used Medical Marijuana, 2-4mg Ativan, 0.25mg Xanax, 0.25-5mg Klonopin, 5mg Sonata, 5-20mg Lexapro, 30-60mg Cymbalta DR, 50mg Desyrel, 150mg Wellbutrin XL, 300mg Seroquel ER, 25-400mg Seroquel, 5mg Zyprexa Zydus, 2.5-5mg Saphris, 300-600mg Lithobid, 250-750mg Depakote DR, 1,000mg Depakote ER, 2-8mg Suboxone, 8.6/2.1mg Zubsolv, 25mg Revia, 600-3,600mg Neurontin, 10-40mg Inderal, 150mg Vistaril, 10-20mg Buspar and finally Adderall XR 20-30mg and Adderall 10mg
I currently take: 30mg Adderall XR QD 6AM 5mg Saphris QD 9PM 8.6mg Zubsolv QD 8AM
I’m diagnosed with: Substance Use Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Phobia, GAD, TRD, ADHD-2, C-PTSD, and Bipolar 1.
I’ve finally gotten to a good place with my addiction… I had 7 weeks sober after going to rehab, relapsed 3 weeks ago and haven’t even thought about using since. I was addicting to cocaine using around a ball a day, meth using around 1/2 a gram a day and fentanyl every 30-60 minutes. My ROA for Fet and Ice was smoking and my ROA for coke was insuff. I also mixed them with LSD, MDMA, Crack, Kpins, Pheno and some others occasionally but was using weed alcohol and dxm to keep my tolerance down daily.
Anyways time for my question. Sorry I got sidetracked I love thinking about my progress it makes me so happy :).
I’m wanting to switch off of Adderall XR and go on Vyvanse, Dexedrine Spansules or even say fuck it and switch to Focalin XR. Once my psychiatrist took off my instant release Adderall after I got out of rehab i’ve been a mess in the afternoon and my morning dose hardly works anymore either.
If anyone has experience with Vyvanse + Dexedrine Spansule booster, Dexedrine Spansule twice daily or Focalin XR 30-40mg QD or Focalin XR twice daily let me know how you like/liked it. I’d love to hear everyones opinions because switching right now is really worrying me and it’s been causing me to be really anxious. Also if any stimulant helped lift your depression would be useful too.
Thank you so much for reading and potentially commenting and helping me out y’all are the best. Take it one day at a time!!

(this is very long and I'm very sorry! I'd appreciate it if you stayed for the whole thing, though)
I usually start my posts like this, so here it is: I've posted here quite a few times, and each time I post my health gets a little worse. If anyone is curious, you can go and see some of my history. Very quick overview: I'm a Chernobyl baby (mother was pregnant with me and in the area) and was born incredibly sick. After many surgeries, I had my left kidney removed. I've had between 19 and 21 surgeries (I lost count), last one being removing a tumor on my finger less than a year ago (my second tumor; both benign), I have an autoimmune disease, a bleeding disorder, had several reproductive disorders before my hysterectomy (they were bad), etc. Basically, I'm not healthy. Pain has been a part of my life since I was born. But it's never been this bad.
My pain has been so, so, SO incredibly bad lately. My lower back hurts SO BAD when I'm on my feet; it travels down my legs, numbing them and I collapse within two minutes if I don't use my cane and/or rollator. Under my right shoulder blade there's an area that feels like I'm being constantly stabbed to the point where it gets painful to even move my arm. I have to contort myself into an incredibly uncomfortable position just to get pressure off of it and to feel semi-comfortable.
Well, I just had imaging done (MRI and X-Ray... and the MRI was so painful because I had to be on my back for 1.5 hours) that was ordered by a doctor at a pain clinic.
This was the worst doctors appointment in my entire life. I've never left an appointment feeling worse than this--ever. I'll explain. Also, I would like to ask you guys for some help, if that's alright.
Even before I went to see this doctor--AT A PAIN CLINIC, I remind you--I had to fill out new patient paperwork. All normal. But it was so degrading. It was mostly about pain, but then the last two pages were filled with questions like "how often do you think about wanting opioids?" and "how often do you ask others for opioids?" Not "DO YOU think about [...]" but "HOW OFTEN". And the only options were "rarely", "sometimes", "often"... I had to write in "never" for most of the options, myself. Because yes, it's true; I think about wanting opioids--TO MANAGE MY PAIN.
So yesterday when I go to see the doc (with my husband as he goes everywhere with me, plus helps support me when I walk), he told me that the images were all fine and there was nothing there. I'd asked if it was possible to run more tests but he said he didn't think it was necessary because there's nothing there and would be a waste of time. And I believe I have finally alienated a doctor because I went off on him. At first, I burst out crying because I was so frustrated (honestly, I'm crying right now) and asked him what am I supposed to do?
He told me that he'll refer me to a psychologist who will help me manage the pain. Because it all starts in the mind, he says. I mean, yeah, sure, but can I get some help meanwhile? I said that I can't understand why I can't get some help while I'm also seeing the psychologist with my pain. He's like "oh, I can give you pain medicine, I can prescribe Meloxicam, Cymbalta..." and I just felt like punching him. He knew what I meant. And I said that. I said "you know what I mean; I mean opioids. Why can't I get help with pain there?" And he got all "oh, no, absolutely not, those are too dangerous". Earlier I had told him that I feel like no one listens to pain patients. This time he said "plus, you're on Suboxone to get off opioids" and I tried to tell him that no, actually, that's not why I'm on it! And it's not Suboxone, it's the buprenorphine, without the antagonist because it's the only opiate that my other doctor could prescribe that is able to offer even any modicum of relief even if it's practically imperceptible. So I repeated myself and said "No one listens to pain patients" and he got annoyed and said "yes, you already said that, but I'm here listening to you". I repeated myself BECAUSE YOU JUST IGNORED WHAT I SAID TO YOU.
Then he said that science says that opioids won't help manage chronic pain and it'll just make it worse in the long run. I told him that there's actually peer reviewed work on both sides that shows evidence for both arguments which just means that they haven't come to a consensus yet. He straight out told me that I'm wrong. "I hear you, but I don't agree with you because you're wrong" is what he said. He then demanded that I produce these studies even though I was at an appointment and obviously have none memorized off the top of my head nor have any saved on my phone or computer. They're simply not something I think of as important enough as information to keep at hand.
And then when I told him about how bad the pain gets, about how I can't function, and how my life has literally stopped... that I am feeling like I'm being stabbed in the back and the numbing... And he said that the scans don't show that I should be feeling any of that so I should be telling myself that I have a healthy back and that should make the pain better. Because he "hears what [I'm] saying, but he disagrees with [my] opinion".
HOW? How can you disagree with "my opinion" on how my body hurts? Because that's what we were talking about at that point.
I've never felt so insulted, so degraded, and so de-humanized in my entire life.
But here's where I need your guys' help, if you don't mind. He did say that if I can find a peer-reviewed article from a reputable scientific journal (not sensationalist articles) about the efficacy of long-term opioid use in chronic pain patients and I give it to him that he will read it. I don't know if that's true, but I do want to do whatever I can to try to at least help whatever other unfortunate soul that comes to him for help with their unmanageable pain. I tried looking some up and I did find quite a few but I've been crying all day yesterday and today and honestly I can hardly focus so I want to make sure I'm reading them correctly. I don't want to accidently hand him something that I misunderstood. I'll read whatever I'm given, too.
Also, his example for the reason that he'd give someone morphine? And only morphine, btw... nothing stronger. He chose having your freaking leg amputated. Not even a regular surgery. "If you have your leg amputated, maybe I'd give your morphine for a couple weeks, but for this? No way."
So that's what it takes, huh?
My husband says "well, now he definitely thinks you're a drug seeker" with disgust.
So... let's all just think our pain away. Go to a psychologist and say collectively that it all starts in the mind and it can stop in the mind. Treating it physically is bollocks, after all. And doing both at the same time is totally unrealistic. Because you can't have the best of both worlds and start of strong painkillers, start on the psychotherapy, work on that and as you're getting better, perhaps see if you can start lowering your opioid dose. Because I'll tell most doctors a secret: pain patients don't care about getting a high. And after being on a manageable dose for years, there is no high. All we care about is being FUNCTIONAL.
WHY, tell me, is that so hard to understand and process? You guys seem to have access to medication that would help us. We want that. We ask for it. You label us druggies for that and bad guys. We get punished for being in pain.
How is that fair? I bet if most of these doctors had their roles reversed, they'd be crying for pain meds and be pulling strings to get their own. I truly do.
...I'm very sorry for the really angry tone of this post. I'm just so lost right now and after the way I was treated yesterday, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so, so, so insulted. And now I'm just suffering and am I going to continue to suffer my entire life? I'm only 34. I've two young children. If one of my pets were in this condition, you bet your ass I'd have them put down; it's simply cruel to have them exist like this. But I'm going to be ignored and vilified any time I go for help, aren't I? I have one awesome doctor I go to once a week that prescribes the buprenorphine (used to prescribe fentanyl but isn't allowed to anymore and is pissed about it) and gives me ketamine injects which help a bit, but it's not enough.
Thank you guys so much for being there for me and others like me. I appreciate it so much.
Oh! And I also mentioned that when I said that no one listens to pain patients that I meant that no one actually goes to just listen to pain patients on their forums and support groups (like this) and he rolled his eyes and said "well... forums... people aren't always honest on them".
So... yeah.