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Lucid Dreaming
2009.06.16 06:07 OsakaWilson Lucid Dreaming
All about Lucid Dreams. Learn and share how to induction methods & techniques, post questions, challenges, articles, resources, and scientific news.
2012.01.01 20:56 ashrewdmint Self help, self control, sleep hacking — GetOutOfBed
2011.03.30 19:49 squidgirl No-Poo / Natural Haircare
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2024.06.09 22:27 HuskyWuskyowo My O'Reilly AutoParts Experience
I'm on mobile, writing this brought back a lot of emotions. So if it's sloppy,I apologize.....
I've debated about posting this, but it's been a year now. So I should be ok. I've posted on Reddit before, asking about situations at the company but changed some things. So here we are, and here's a full run down of my time there
I started in May, 2019. Part time and straight out of highschool. By November, I was full time and had store keys, training to be a closing manager (RSS)
In 2020, we had a coworker stalk a new hire, as he really wanted to date her, she felt uncomfortable but since he was a manager, she felt inclined to do as he wanted. She came to me as we were close in age. I helped her talk with our boss. He was soon let go.
Then we hired another girl, and she was.... Something.
She decided that she was going to get the boss to fall for her, and be the favorite. Boss was annoyed by her, and she found it funny to walk up behind me when I was on a phone call, reach around and grab my chest. She did this in front of customers as well. Our store had no cameras.
Even after I told her to knock it off, she kept on. Soon the customers were trying to treat me the same. Trying to touch me, asking if they can "Rent me" and other gross things.
I'd told my boss, SM. But at the time, we had a very.... Slow to act DM. So nothing was done.
One day, I was training a new hire. I was on the phone with a customer, and he was beside me at the counter with a customer. She walked up behind me, reached around, but this time, one hand went up, one went down and she was telling our new hire "it's ok to do this cause there's no cameras" and slowly started undoing the buttons on my shirt.
I'd gotten permission from my boss at the time to react in anyway I had to to get her off me, as our DM didn't want to get involved but wouldn't allow him to fire her.
so I kicked her as hard as I could. She fell, and started laughing. After she left, I explained to him what's been going on. He understood but was upset and uncomfortable, not that I blame him. She'd been written up for this before.
The next day, DM was there. New hire had called tips, and told them if they didn't do anything about this he would go public, forcing the DM to do something. Well, we found out this day, that we had a new DM. As the company "had decided due to so many complaints under this DM, that they needed to take him from DM, and make him a SM again for awhile"
This one took swift action. She was canned. After this, the new hires we got were so much better. But unfortunately, the system we used, showed our phone numbers and addresses. So this, now ex coworker, started stalking me. Sending me threatening messages and following me home, company said just block and ignore. Police wouldn't help til she did something threatening my life. I'd come outside to my tires all flat, my car scratched, I'd be followed home, it was a mess. A few times I'd be followed, run off the road, one morning on the way to work, I called the store and told them I was being followed. Everyone knew by now what was happening, and they watched as I pulled in, my SM went outside to tell the girl to leave, as she tried to slam her car into mine. I'd Changed everything by then, moved, new number, new route to abd from work. Hadn't seen her in awhile.
I left that store in Feb of 2021, and went to a bigger store to be trained as a ASM and as a safety precaution, to create more space in case the chic came back. (As she still circled the store time to time) Once there, I helped run the store. I was there til August of that same year, I was "loaned" out to help a different store, but still was expected to run my second store. As the SM was out due to family issues.
So now I'm running two stores, one store where no one respects the store manager, and one store where there is no store manager. So I'm training people at one location while running this other store as the store manager is sleeping off a hangover In the office.
During this, I was training some guys from the second store, and on October 19th, 2021. I had been at store #3 getting stuff ready for the upcoming inventory, so I got home around 12AM. My phone was dead, I was tired and I had a husky needing to go outside. When two of the guys I was training pull up. They had gotten my address off of the computer and were here because "they were sick of the management and needed me back there" they knew what apartment number I was so they ran up the stairs and beat me to the door. I was tired and not in the mood to get into it that night, so they passed out on the couch and next morning, I'm being called due to them not coming in. So I answer and told them that they are currently passed out on my couch, I got in trouble for them not coming into work.
It went smoothly for awhile, then December 13th, 2021 comes along. At this time, my relationship with my mother was rocky. I had gone low contact with her. I also never told anyone my business, as I figured it wasn't anyones need to know. My personal life stays personal. Well, two store managers take it upon themselves to integrate me. It's their day off, so I'm running the store, only have one delivery driver that day, short staffed, they pull up and have me go into the back of the store, which has no walls. So everyone can hear what's being said.
And they lay into me. For 3hrs til I'm in tears and have told them everything that went on with my mother and why we're low contact. The store manager decides she's going to be my hero and go confront my mother, have her husband beat my mother up and have this show down. They told me to not worry, return to work and they'll handle it. And left. Leaving me crying, shaking and still trying to run a store, get people to lunch and my teams now more focused on me, what they heard in the conversation and some are calling the DM to report what just happened. This made a very awkward month, as now DM is involved, the SM's got a talking to and I had to relive this twice more. Once with the DM, then HR. Tho HR labeled this a "in house issue" and weren't willing to help.
After this, it calmed down. The SM's were now out to get me for "getting them in trouble" but otherwise, it seemed fine. Tho I was working with the store managers daughter, so she kept her mom updated, and made sure to mention my mothers abuse towards me and tell others about it as well. She liked the gossip of it.
Then on March 5th, 2022. The store managers daughter had been slacking. Big time. On her phone in the office, taking "favors" for reduced product, or just ignoring her job and making others pick up the slack. I was spread thin, mentally and physically. Trying to help with training a new store manager, training staff at my second store, and keeping this third one up. So when I was catching up on freight, and found she was off in the back on her phone watching TikTok, I got on her about it. She got upset, and said "you've been really moody lately. I think you're pregnant" to which I told her I'm stressed trying to get stuff going, I haven't had a break in awhile, and you aren't helping at all.( She also has this mindset that I slept with my first store manager. And that I was still with him and pregnant by him. )
She rolled her eyes, and on her break, she went out and bought a pregnancy test. When she returns, she hides my clipboard and paperwork, and had blocked my car in. Then, in front of the few staff I had that day, announces that I'm to take this pregnancy test, or she'll destroy the paperwork, and tell the SM that I wasn't actually in store, didn't do my paperwork and have been flaky. She had the DM and SM's wrapped around her finger. So I told her this isn't appropriate and that I'd rather not. This went back and forth, to the point of her getting in the way of me answering phones and helping customers, she'd physically take the phone from my hand and hang up, or tell the customer that I couldn't help them at this time.
So I told her, if I do, I'm going home for the rest of the day. I had 2 hours left of my shift. She said fine. But she needed to be in the bathroom as I took it, so I don't "cheat".
After that, she moved her car and I left. For the day. Went home, called HR. They told me it's an in store issue, and unfortunately they rather not get involved with it. So I told the DM. He had already received reports from the other staff, telling him what happened. She was talked to, but that's it. For the rest of the week, she talked about how cute it would be if I had a baby with my first SM, asked about what he was like in bed and if we did it in the store - this SM and I were close, he was a father figure/role model to me. If I couldn't figure something out, he was my first call. She ruined the friendship I had with him, as we both felt awkward when we worked together due to her. As she told her mom and the gossip spread like wildfire.
March 15th, 2022. I requested a week off. I needed a break, my car needed maintenance and I figured I would head to the ocean with my husky for a couple days. So the first day off, the 12th, I drop my car off at the dealership so they can replace a recall. They say it'll be 5 hours so I walk around town, just relaxing. Then they tell me that unfortunately, they found a new issue and are going to keep my car for a month, and have no way of giving me a loaner. I try to figure out why and it's the runaround, my buddy comes to my aid and helps me get my stuff from my car as they wouldn't let me back there to get my stuff. Then we go to my mother's house to try and get the spare car I have. But the rack and pinion blew on it the same day. So next day I spend trying to tear it apart. I get halfway through when work calls, and let's me know my vacation request ends early as the SM's daughter had an emergency and I need to cover for her. I tell them I'm without a car, in a city an hour away, and the SM says "not my problem. Figure it out. I need you in. If you aren't in, I'm writing you up and firing you"
So I rush to get the car going, and on the 14th, Im stressed, tired, sore and anxious. I push a tool a bit to hard and it slips on grease, comes flying out of the wheel well and hits me in the head, hard. My mother comes back an hour later to find me knocked out. My first concussion. (By this time, we'd had a better relationship/understanding and were working towards building it)
So that night, she drops me off at my apartment. No rental places had any cars, so that morning, I grab my scooter, my husky, and walk the 4hrs to the store. Two hours in, I start to have an asthma attack. My body's shaking, my heads killing me, but we get there. Almost falling in the parking lot. We get in, I sit by the door catching my breath. A driver who used to volunteer at the fire station, comes over and checks my pulse, gets worried and recommends I go to the ER. I tell him I'm okay, the SM has already left for the day. So I need to be here to close. I get cleaned up, and the DM calls. Saying the SM called to tell him I hadn't shown up, and to ask where I was. I told him I just walked there, im wheezing and he's concerned too. I tell him she threatened to fire me if I didn't get here. He said he'd talk to her. Nothing ever came of it.
July 6th, 2022. The DM decided to move me permanently back to my 2nd store, as the store manager was going through personal stuff and I was needed there. So I went. It had been a couple weeks before this, but on the 6th, my shifts were 7am to 7pm. Or til 9:30 if the closer didn't come in. So I come in on time, start working, and go into the back of the store to get hose for a customer. I'm still feeling the symptoms of the concussion from March, but power through. I'm not sure how, but I managed to slip on a piece of paper, fall back and hit the base of my skull on the shelf, then when I was getting up, hit my forehead on it too. A coworker came looking for me. And found me, in his words "in a puddle of blood". He gets me up and takes care of the customer, and gets me to the bathroom and cleaned up. Then we go to the SM and let her know.
She says "You're standing up. You can work. Clean yourself up and get on the counter" I had a two week vacation scheduled, starting the next day. So she thought I was trying to get off work early. Something I had never done. So I go the front after cleaning myself up, the nasty gash on my head swelling up and getting attention. The store is hot, it's 90 outside, and I'm in my jacket shivering cause I'm cold. This happened at about 9AM. I went to her at 12PM and requested a break so I could go out to my car, grab some pain pills and come back. She said no, as I might not return. So I worked through it. I tried calling a couple people to see if they could cover me, as I was feeling worse and worse. But nothing. By 3, a coworker comes in and sees me. His shift didn't start for another two hours, but he immediately told me to go home.
By how, the SM has sent two others home early as we were " slow" and didn't need them. She also wanted to leave, which would mean I'd be the only manager there. He was a manager in training. But he counted my til down and the SM said as I left "since you don't feel good, maybe you shouldn't go to your sister's and just relax. But if I see any pictures of you on vacation after this, I'll know you lied to get out of it."
I went out to my car, which was a 2019 base model Sentra, I left at 4pm. I didn't get home til 8:30/9pm. A drive, with traffic takes an hour. My car had no lane deparcher or blindspot monitoring. When I pulled into my spot at my boyfriend's apartment, as I had moved in with him after coworkers kept finding out where I lived, or gave my address out to random people. My car was scratched up, the rims had curb rash, the passenger side had scratches. I don't know where I went or why it took so long to get home. I remember getting into my car, turning it on, turning on the A/C and that's it.
I went inside and passed out on the bed, my boyfriend couldn't wake me up for dinner, next morning my mother came and got me, taking me to the ER. I had yet another concussion. The doctor told me to stay away from screens, loud noises, drink water and just relax. Refrain from hitting my head again.
After my vacation, I returned with a letter of resignation. As I did some thinking. I couldn't stand the job anymore, the gossip, the crap... The random guys who would get my number and say "someone gave me your number at the store." And I'd have to change my number again. I have a folder of some of the weirdest ones.
I gave my resignation to the SM I currently was under. She denied it. Said no, she needed me to run her store while she took care of stuff, but this was the same SM who believed that I slept with my first SM, denied my raise and SM training as "according to the 3rd store I was sent to. I didn't do anything of what I was supposed to do, got the SM and her friend and the daughter in trouble, I took my vacations without thinking of anyone else"
I went to my first SM, he faxed the paperwork in. My last day was scheduled for August 18th, 2022. Clearly stated on my resignation letter. I gave my two weeks notice on Aug. 4th. 2022.
Everyone started freaking out in management. My DM tried getting me to stay, as it was a shock to him. But I couldn't. On my last day, she scheduled me for a closing shift. With nothing on the following days. She put me on for that Saturday. She calls me, asking where I am. I tell her my last day was Thursday. She tells me no. That she decides when my last day is, and I'm needed there right now. She thought we had talked it out, and that I would "come to my senses" and see reasoning. I told her I was firm on no longer working there, and I had already turned in all my keys. She blew up. Calling me every name in the book, degrading me, she called other stores and a lot of my friends there, turned on me. As she told them straight lies.
I blocked everyone as I started getting hate messages, people commenting on my social media, saying awful stuff. It was hell. I blocked everyone, and for awhile. I had to block accounts or deactivate my stuff. Finally, it all stopped.
I thought I was going to be with that company forever. I missed friends events for it. Family stuff, and events I wanted to go to, cuz of the job..,.. but in the end, those who were assholes to me, got placed in higher positions. Praised for "dealing with everything" and took credit for everything I did. I still get messages asking how to do something, but those go unanswered.
I miss the challenges, the interactions with customers and cars. But I don't miss how HR worked. How tight some are, that they can easily sway things to benefit them just cuz they know each other outside of the company.
It was fun. But I'm glad I got out, and it's burned me... I miss certain people there. But I can't ever be positive about that company again
submitted by HuskyWuskyowo to OReillyAutoParts [link] [comments]
I've debated about posting this, but it's been a year now. So I should be ok. I've posted on Reddit before, asking about situations at the company but changed some things. So here we are, and here's a full run down of my time there
I started in May, 2019. Part time and straight out of highschool. By November, I was full time and had store keys, training to be a closing manager (RSS)
In 2020, we had a coworker stalk a new hire, as he really wanted to date her, she felt uncomfortable but since he was a manager, she felt inclined to do as he wanted. She came to me as we were close in age. I helped her talk with our boss. He was soon let go.
Then we hired another girl, and she was.... Something.
She decided that she was going to get the boss to fall for her, and be the favorite. Boss was annoyed by her, and she found it funny to walk up behind me when I was on a phone call, reach around and grab my chest. She did this in front of customers as well. Our store had no cameras.
Even after I told her to knock it off, she kept on. Soon the customers were trying to treat me the same. Trying to touch me, asking if they can "Rent me" and other gross things.
I'd told my boss, SM. But at the time, we had a very.... Slow to act DM. So nothing was done.
One day, I was training a new hire. I was on the phone with a customer, and he was beside me at the counter with a customer. She walked up behind me, reached around, but this time, one hand went up, one went down and she was telling our new hire "it's ok to do this cause there's no cameras" and slowly started undoing the buttons on my shirt.
I'd gotten permission from my boss at the time to react in anyway I had to to get her off me, as our DM didn't want to get involved but wouldn't allow him to fire her.
so I kicked her as hard as I could. She fell, and started laughing. After she left, I explained to him what's been going on. He understood but was upset and uncomfortable, not that I blame him. She'd been written up for this before.
The next day, DM was there. New hire had called tips, and told them if they didn't do anything about this he would go public, forcing the DM to do something. Well, we found out this day, that we had a new DM. As the company "had decided due to so many complaints under this DM, that they needed to take him from DM, and make him a SM again for awhile"
This one took swift action. She was canned. After this, the new hires we got were so much better. But unfortunately, the system we used, showed our phone numbers and addresses. So this, now ex coworker, started stalking me. Sending me threatening messages and following me home, company said just block and ignore. Police wouldn't help til she did something threatening my life. I'd come outside to my tires all flat, my car scratched, I'd be followed home, it was a mess. A few times I'd be followed, run off the road, one morning on the way to work, I called the store and told them I was being followed. Everyone knew by now what was happening, and they watched as I pulled in, my SM went outside to tell the girl to leave, as she tried to slam her car into mine. I'd Changed everything by then, moved, new number, new route to abd from work. Hadn't seen her in awhile.
I left that store in Feb of 2021, and went to a bigger store to be trained as a ASM and as a safety precaution, to create more space in case the chic came back. (As she still circled the store time to time) Once there, I helped run the store. I was there til August of that same year, I was "loaned" out to help a different store, but still was expected to run my second store. As the SM was out due to family issues.
So now I'm running two stores, one store where no one respects the store manager, and one store where there is no store manager. So I'm training people at one location while running this other store as the store manager is sleeping off a hangover In the office.
During this, I was training some guys from the second store, and on October 19th, 2021. I had been at store #3 getting stuff ready for the upcoming inventory, so I got home around 12AM. My phone was dead, I was tired and I had a husky needing to go outside. When two of the guys I was training pull up. They had gotten my address off of the computer and were here because "they were sick of the management and needed me back there" they knew what apartment number I was so they ran up the stairs and beat me to the door. I was tired and not in the mood to get into it that night, so they passed out on the couch and next morning, I'm being called due to them not coming in. So I answer and told them that they are currently passed out on my couch, I got in trouble for them not coming into work.
It went smoothly for awhile, then December 13th, 2021 comes along. At this time, my relationship with my mother was rocky. I had gone low contact with her. I also never told anyone my business, as I figured it wasn't anyones need to know. My personal life stays personal. Well, two store managers take it upon themselves to integrate me. It's their day off, so I'm running the store, only have one delivery driver that day, short staffed, they pull up and have me go into the back of the store, which has no walls. So everyone can hear what's being said.
And they lay into me. For 3hrs til I'm in tears and have told them everything that went on with my mother and why we're low contact. The store manager decides she's going to be my hero and go confront my mother, have her husband beat my mother up and have this show down. They told me to not worry, return to work and they'll handle it. And left. Leaving me crying, shaking and still trying to run a store, get people to lunch and my teams now more focused on me, what they heard in the conversation and some are calling the DM to report what just happened. This made a very awkward month, as now DM is involved, the SM's got a talking to and I had to relive this twice more. Once with the DM, then HR. Tho HR labeled this a "in house issue" and weren't willing to help.
After this, it calmed down. The SM's were now out to get me for "getting them in trouble" but otherwise, it seemed fine. Tho I was working with the store managers daughter, so she kept her mom updated, and made sure to mention my mothers abuse towards me and tell others about it as well. She liked the gossip of it.
Then on March 5th, 2022. The store managers daughter had been slacking. Big time. On her phone in the office, taking "favors" for reduced product, or just ignoring her job and making others pick up the slack. I was spread thin, mentally and physically. Trying to help with training a new store manager, training staff at my second store, and keeping this third one up. So when I was catching up on freight, and found she was off in the back on her phone watching TikTok, I got on her about it. She got upset, and said "you've been really moody lately. I think you're pregnant" to which I told her I'm stressed trying to get stuff going, I haven't had a break in awhile, and you aren't helping at all.( She also has this mindset that I slept with my first store manager. And that I was still with him and pregnant by him. )
She rolled her eyes, and on her break, she went out and bought a pregnancy test. When she returns, she hides my clipboard and paperwork, and had blocked my car in. Then, in front of the few staff I had that day, announces that I'm to take this pregnancy test, or she'll destroy the paperwork, and tell the SM that I wasn't actually in store, didn't do my paperwork and have been flaky. She had the DM and SM's wrapped around her finger. So I told her this isn't appropriate and that I'd rather not. This went back and forth, to the point of her getting in the way of me answering phones and helping customers, she'd physically take the phone from my hand and hang up, or tell the customer that I couldn't help them at this time.
So I told her, if I do, I'm going home for the rest of the day. I had 2 hours left of my shift. She said fine. But she needed to be in the bathroom as I took it, so I don't "cheat".
After that, she moved her car and I left. For the day. Went home, called HR. They told me it's an in store issue, and unfortunately they rather not get involved with it. So I told the DM. He had already received reports from the other staff, telling him what happened. She was talked to, but that's it. For the rest of the week, she talked about how cute it would be if I had a baby with my first SM, asked about what he was like in bed and if we did it in the store - this SM and I were close, he was a father figure/role model to me. If I couldn't figure something out, he was my first call. She ruined the friendship I had with him, as we both felt awkward when we worked together due to her. As she told her mom and the gossip spread like wildfire.
March 15th, 2022. I requested a week off. I needed a break, my car needed maintenance and I figured I would head to the ocean with my husky for a couple days. So the first day off, the 12th, I drop my car off at the dealership so they can replace a recall. They say it'll be 5 hours so I walk around town, just relaxing. Then they tell me that unfortunately, they found a new issue and are going to keep my car for a month, and have no way of giving me a loaner. I try to figure out why and it's the runaround, my buddy comes to my aid and helps me get my stuff from my car as they wouldn't let me back there to get my stuff. Then we go to my mother's house to try and get the spare car I have. But the rack and pinion blew on it the same day. So next day I spend trying to tear it apart. I get halfway through when work calls, and let's me know my vacation request ends early as the SM's daughter had an emergency and I need to cover for her. I tell them I'm without a car, in a city an hour away, and the SM says "not my problem. Figure it out. I need you in. If you aren't in, I'm writing you up and firing you"
So I rush to get the car going, and on the 14th, Im stressed, tired, sore and anxious. I push a tool a bit to hard and it slips on grease, comes flying out of the wheel well and hits me in the head, hard. My mother comes back an hour later to find me knocked out. My first concussion. (By this time, we'd had a better relationship/understanding and were working towards building it)
So that night, she drops me off at my apartment. No rental places had any cars, so that morning, I grab my scooter, my husky, and walk the 4hrs to the store. Two hours in, I start to have an asthma attack. My body's shaking, my heads killing me, but we get there. Almost falling in the parking lot. We get in, I sit by the door catching my breath. A driver who used to volunteer at the fire station, comes over and checks my pulse, gets worried and recommends I go to the ER. I tell him I'm okay, the SM has already left for the day. So I need to be here to close. I get cleaned up, and the DM calls. Saying the SM called to tell him I hadn't shown up, and to ask where I was. I told him I just walked there, im wheezing and he's concerned too. I tell him she threatened to fire me if I didn't get here. He said he'd talk to her. Nothing ever came of it.
July 6th, 2022. The DM decided to move me permanently back to my 2nd store, as the store manager was going through personal stuff and I was needed there. So I went. It had been a couple weeks before this, but on the 6th, my shifts were 7am to 7pm. Or til 9:30 if the closer didn't come in. So I come in on time, start working, and go into the back of the store to get hose for a customer. I'm still feeling the symptoms of the concussion from March, but power through. I'm not sure how, but I managed to slip on a piece of paper, fall back and hit the base of my skull on the shelf, then when I was getting up, hit my forehead on it too. A coworker came looking for me. And found me, in his words "in a puddle of blood". He gets me up and takes care of the customer, and gets me to the bathroom and cleaned up. Then we go to the SM and let her know.
She says "You're standing up. You can work. Clean yourself up and get on the counter" I had a two week vacation scheduled, starting the next day. So she thought I was trying to get off work early. Something I had never done. So I go the front after cleaning myself up, the nasty gash on my head swelling up and getting attention. The store is hot, it's 90 outside, and I'm in my jacket shivering cause I'm cold. This happened at about 9AM. I went to her at 12PM and requested a break so I could go out to my car, grab some pain pills and come back. She said no, as I might not return. So I worked through it. I tried calling a couple people to see if they could cover me, as I was feeling worse and worse. But nothing. By 3, a coworker comes in and sees me. His shift didn't start for another two hours, but he immediately told me to go home.
By how, the SM has sent two others home early as we were " slow" and didn't need them. She also wanted to leave, which would mean I'd be the only manager there. He was a manager in training. But he counted my til down and the SM said as I left "since you don't feel good, maybe you shouldn't go to your sister's and just relax. But if I see any pictures of you on vacation after this, I'll know you lied to get out of it."
I went out to my car, which was a 2019 base model Sentra, I left at 4pm. I didn't get home til 8:30/9pm. A drive, with traffic takes an hour. My car had no lane deparcher or blindspot monitoring. When I pulled into my spot at my boyfriend's apartment, as I had moved in with him after coworkers kept finding out where I lived, or gave my address out to random people. My car was scratched up, the rims had curb rash, the passenger side had scratches. I don't know where I went or why it took so long to get home. I remember getting into my car, turning it on, turning on the A/C and that's it.
I went inside and passed out on the bed, my boyfriend couldn't wake me up for dinner, next morning my mother came and got me, taking me to the ER. I had yet another concussion. The doctor told me to stay away from screens, loud noises, drink water and just relax. Refrain from hitting my head again.
After my vacation, I returned with a letter of resignation. As I did some thinking. I couldn't stand the job anymore, the gossip, the crap... The random guys who would get my number and say "someone gave me your number at the store." And I'd have to change my number again. I have a folder of some of the weirdest ones.
I gave my resignation to the SM I currently was under. She denied it. Said no, she needed me to run her store while she took care of stuff, but this was the same SM who believed that I slept with my first SM, denied my raise and SM training as "according to the 3rd store I was sent to. I didn't do anything of what I was supposed to do, got the SM and her friend and the daughter in trouble, I took my vacations without thinking of anyone else"
I went to my first SM, he faxed the paperwork in. My last day was scheduled for August 18th, 2022. Clearly stated on my resignation letter. I gave my two weeks notice on Aug. 4th. 2022.
Everyone started freaking out in management. My DM tried getting me to stay, as it was a shock to him. But I couldn't. On my last day, she scheduled me for a closing shift. With nothing on the following days. She put me on for that Saturday. She calls me, asking where I am. I tell her my last day was Thursday. She tells me no. That she decides when my last day is, and I'm needed there right now. She thought we had talked it out, and that I would "come to my senses" and see reasoning. I told her I was firm on no longer working there, and I had already turned in all my keys. She blew up. Calling me every name in the book, degrading me, she called other stores and a lot of my friends there, turned on me. As she told them straight lies.
I blocked everyone as I started getting hate messages, people commenting on my social media, saying awful stuff. It was hell. I blocked everyone, and for awhile. I had to block accounts or deactivate my stuff. Finally, it all stopped.
I thought I was going to be with that company forever. I missed friends events for it. Family stuff, and events I wanted to go to, cuz of the job..,.. but in the end, those who were assholes to me, got placed in higher positions. Praised for "dealing with everything" and took credit for everything I did. I still get messages asking how to do something, but those go unanswered.
I miss the challenges, the interactions with customers and cars. But I don't miss how HR worked. How tight some are, that they can easily sway things to benefit them just cuz they know each other outside of the company.
It was fun. But I'm glad I got out, and it's burned me... I miss certain people there. But I can't ever be positive about that company again
2024.06.09 22:16 Mbazazelouis girlfriend 27F with whom I 30 F have just moved in with in a new city is a serial cheater. How should I handle this? She wants to fix things and I can't just move out or kick her out
I've posted the same story in offmychest. I'm new to reddit and this might be not the way of handdeling things. But I'm desperate for input as I feel I'm going crazy. English is not my first not my second language so please excuse me if i make mistakes.
I've enjoyed listenning to reddit stories on those YouTube video's for a while now and was always amazed by the amount of input the community always gives. Now with my situation and not really knowing what else to do to cope I thought I'll give it a try.
So here is my story. I 30F met my girlfriend 27F in augustus of last year on a dating app. I remember finding her absolutly beautiful. We started taking and very soon we were calling each other everyday for hours . I communicated that I wasn't looking for a relationship as i was starting a bachelor degree combined with full time work. I was happy just being friends as I enjoyed her vibe. We were both talking to other people and she would confide in me how the others people were. We met up at my place the first time as I felt like I already knew her from so much talking. She got drunk. Looking back she definetly tried to initiate something but I was carefull and she was minutes later throwing up in my toilet so i put her to sleep.
The following days she opened up about her past trauma's. She was adopted in a white family, she was born in Asia, as a baby. But she never really gotten the proper guidance to deal with it. Besides her brothers were way older so she didn't have a real connection with them. She was also SA'd by one of the brothers and the family wasn't dealing with it. Like not adressing it, giving her proper therapy and so on. Beside that there were some other problems in the familly that eventually when we got together and she introduced me to the familly, one of the brothers asked me what i was studying. I study something that translates like familly sciences. When i told that brother he joked that his familly would be a good case for my studies.
Basically to state that she has a difficult past and she was upfront with it. I have also my trauma's like SA from family members, not feeling connected to the country we live in or my birth country. I wasn't adopted but I immigrated to here when I was 10. I've been abused in every way by my family. That plus the distance makes that I'm astranged from them. In the courant country where I also experienced a lot of harsh rasism, always the outsider. So basically when i heard all that I felt like we could relate on that and was hoping we could be there for each other. Either way I never hinted towards a relationship. I just wanted to be there for her. I have had been in therapy since i was 21 years and was finishing it. I was finally in a good place.
We met up a few more times. One of the times was to help her clean her appartement. She was moving back to her father as she had had a deppressive episode and neglected the place and payments and was in debt. She didn't know who to ask from her friends. I offered. I came took over, cleaned the place. In the evening she even left me alone to finish up as she had a family date she couldn't miss. I honestly didn't mind i finished up. she went to her familly and later she came back. We went out and when we came back in the early morning I just fell a sleep. Later once we were together she told me she wanted to thank me with sex. She did introduce me to a friend that did tell me that everyone dumps her in every relationship. He thought that i was her date and i didn't want to emberass her so I didn't ask much more questions and decided to ask her instead at an other time. But this is one of the redflags i missed looking back.
After that we met up one more time to go out. She knew that in the morning I would go see that other girl i was talking to. I hadn't met that one in real life but had also a good connection with her. But that evening she confessed having feelings for me. I couldn't denie that i was attracted by her and wanted to give her all the love we both never experienced. We kissed and ended up at my place in the morning. I just cancelled on the other girl.
The first months were good. I noticed that she was imature on some levels but could explain it due to her past, the lack of therapy, and her overbearing father that doesn't let her grow up.
She introduced me to all her friends and they all liked me. They explain that she has a past of dating people who aren't good for her. They all approved of me and I liked them too. I didn't have a lot of friends. I had learned to prefer my own company over friends after being burned a few times and deciding not to befriend just anyone for my own mental health. I was rather be alone after all the betrayal i've been throught. People are just unpredictable and when i care I go fully. So to protect myself and because all the friendships before therapy were somewhat toxic I just prefered to stay alone. I did miss belonging to a group tho so I was extatic to gain a girlfriend I felt could understand me to a deeper level and a friendgroup welcoming me and simular to me. She seemed to intagrate me in the group well and they were really nice. I felt i was finally having that chosen familly a lot of people who go no contact with their familly talk about. I was taking drugs so i can study, work and manage this new relationship and friendship circle. I was determinated to make it work.
The first issue i noticed was that we would be videocalling and she wouldn't pay attention. She would be texting her friends and checking Insta or Facebook while she expected me to stay connected till she fell a sleep. She would even call me when she would wake up in the middle of the night. I did night shifts so i didn't mind about her wanting me around to sleep. I did complain about the lack of attention when she was still awake. She didn't adjust her behaviour just yet. I had to complain and make a big deal out of it before she did some efforts. Just the bare minimum.
But i knew she needed therapy and thought to understand where this behaviour was coming from. I just encouraged her that she can talk to me to about eveyrthing. But mostly I stayed patient, thinking she hadn't been in a healthy relationship. I believed with time, working on communication and showing her she could trust me, that all would be fine
There were some other issues i ignored as redflags about this relationship and still wanted to live together with her. I first proposed in moving in my appartement with no strings attached. If it didn't work out she just could go back to her dad and I am okay too. None of us looses anything. But she was not sure how her father who hadn't met me yet would react. He is a more sober person and has disapproved all her partners before.
So eventually she found the balls to tell me that she wasn't in that idea. She wanted her father to approve and so on. She had lived before with a partner her father didn't approve of cuz they both felt she was taking advantage of my girlfriend to get her papers. By the way they are still friends and i like the ex too. She doesn't seem capable of manipulate someone to get get papers. But that is an other story.
After I met her father she was okay moving in together in the Capital, a fresh start for me and her too. I was excited to start forever happly after. I had never loved someone like I've loved her. She was so vulnerable from the start that i just wanted to care for her. Like stated before i wanted to give her the love we both missed.
We moved end mai in our appartemment. I was stressing as i had to find something on time so that i don't end up homeless. I needed to find a new job and so on. I was also the one who made all the appointments and took on the stress to find us something. All she had to do is like the place. I did everthing
We moved in in the last weekend of april. On the 18th of mai was pride in our city. I had to work even tho i wanted to go. She was stating to stay home as we had spend a lot of money to move. We were almost broke both of us. i could see she wanted to go as all her friends were going and texting her. She does have been irresponsible when going out, too much drinking, losing her stuff and over spending. So i proposed guidelines to follow so she could go have a good time and not stay alone at home and still not regret the day after. We agreed that she would take her old phone just in case, eat enough as she would be drinking and retrieve the money she was going to spend so she doesn't go over her budget. That way she can't spend more than her budget.
She who is always texting me didn't say a word alle night. When i did call to check up on her she just passed me a friend to talk to them. I was pissed but happy she was unharmed in our appartement. In the morning i came home. Most of the people were still sleeping and she was acting annoyingly wierd. I couldn't make a scene as her friends were there. I just entertained them and went to sleep. I was mad. Next day she tried to make up and after some talk Mostly explaining why I was mad. She had done nothing of the steps we had taken for her to go out safly. But when i calmed down anyway she dropped the bom that she also kissed someone there. One of the people she was talking to around the time we met. Someone she eventually deemed not a match.
I was broken by that. I just couldn't believe it. Okay our sex and love life had been less since the stress of the move, finding a new job in a new city, exams and a tighy wallet. but i thought she understood as i voiced my stress.
I was miserabel when she told me, just broken, not eating physically ill and all my issues re-triggered. I felt so stupid and trapped as we had just signed for 3 years in a 1 bed appartement. I just slipped back in depression while she seemed remorsefull as if she made a mistake. She was trying to care for me and fix things. One week later i was still not okay completely broken by the betrayal still and the huge mistake i made to cosign for 3 years with no other options to move out or kick her out. She touched me at some point and I felt better with her in my arms. I decided to give her an other chance. It was discussed that cheating the only non negotiable cause for a break up was for me and that everything else is can be talked over. i should have respected my own rule...
Well same week, few days later she told me a friend of her, beacause she is friends with a lot of people she flirted or hooked up with, well that they confessed their feelings towards her. I had met this person and she had explained to me not wanting to persu my girlfriend in the past. Now they were just friends. I was okay with that. I was glad she told me and we composed a message together for that girl stating that she had told me, that I' not mad but she will stay true to me.
Now thursday she kept talking about said friend and the things my girlfriend was saying weren't adding up. It didn't seem like something said friend would say or do without context so when she got home I asked her to read the messages with said friend to try to understand. When j read the messages i was floored. Most of them were deleted and it was my girlfriend always asking about the feelings that friend would have for my girlfriend. The reason said friend was freaking out is that my girlfriend told her I took her phone and texted the girl. She was shocked understandbly. My gf was creating drama and i still haven't understood why. Like if she wanted to actually cheat why make me aware?
Its been 4 dats now and I just don't know how to advance from this. I'm still very aware of her past and the lack of therapy. I still care for her in a sence but I also hurt and I feel so stupid. She now is again remorsefull and relize now I'm the first one to show her true love. I've broken up with her as I just need to respect myself but i still have a soft spot for her besides everything. She now wants to fix everything, she'll go in therapy and so on. I sometimes find myself being the one to comfort her even after it all. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I want to keep it a healing exprericence for her, but want to protect myself and love her again at the same time.
This is just a little of the quesionable behaviour she had done, basically the most recent one. I'm just too hurt and blindsided to deal this on my own but i finished therapy like 6 months ago. I can't go back to my therapist. I plan on looking for a new one in the new city but i need advice and guidance since we live together in this 1 bed appartment. She is not really giving me space to think this trough. How should i handle this?
submitted by Mbazazelouis to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I've enjoyed listenning to reddit stories on those YouTube video's for a while now and was always amazed by the amount of input the community always gives. Now with my situation and not really knowing what else to do to cope I thought I'll give it a try.
So here is my story. I 30F met my girlfriend 27F in augustus of last year on a dating app. I remember finding her absolutly beautiful. We started taking and very soon we were calling each other everyday for hours . I communicated that I wasn't looking for a relationship as i was starting a bachelor degree combined with full time work. I was happy just being friends as I enjoyed her vibe. We were both talking to other people and she would confide in me how the others people were. We met up at my place the first time as I felt like I already knew her from so much talking. She got drunk. Looking back she definetly tried to initiate something but I was carefull and she was minutes later throwing up in my toilet so i put her to sleep.
The following days she opened up about her past trauma's. She was adopted in a white family, she was born in Asia, as a baby. But she never really gotten the proper guidance to deal with it. Besides her brothers were way older so she didn't have a real connection with them. She was also SA'd by one of the brothers and the family wasn't dealing with it. Like not adressing it, giving her proper therapy and so on. Beside that there were some other problems in the familly that eventually when we got together and she introduced me to the familly, one of the brothers asked me what i was studying. I study something that translates like familly sciences. When i told that brother he joked that his familly would be a good case for my studies.
Basically to state that she has a difficult past and she was upfront with it. I have also my trauma's like SA from family members, not feeling connected to the country we live in or my birth country. I wasn't adopted but I immigrated to here when I was 10. I've been abused in every way by my family. That plus the distance makes that I'm astranged from them. In the courant country where I also experienced a lot of harsh rasism, always the outsider. So basically when i heard all that I felt like we could relate on that and was hoping we could be there for each other. Either way I never hinted towards a relationship. I just wanted to be there for her. I have had been in therapy since i was 21 years and was finishing it. I was finally in a good place.
We met up a few more times. One of the times was to help her clean her appartement. She was moving back to her father as she had had a deppressive episode and neglected the place and payments and was in debt. She didn't know who to ask from her friends. I offered. I came took over, cleaned the place. In the evening she even left me alone to finish up as she had a family date she couldn't miss. I honestly didn't mind i finished up. she went to her familly and later she came back. We went out and when we came back in the early morning I just fell a sleep. Later once we were together she told me she wanted to thank me with sex. She did introduce me to a friend that did tell me that everyone dumps her in every relationship. He thought that i was her date and i didn't want to emberass her so I didn't ask much more questions and decided to ask her instead at an other time. But this is one of the redflags i missed looking back.
After that we met up one more time to go out. She knew that in the morning I would go see that other girl i was talking to. I hadn't met that one in real life but had also a good connection with her. But that evening she confessed having feelings for me. I couldn't denie that i was attracted by her and wanted to give her all the love we both never experienced. We kissed and ended up at my place in the morning. I just cancelled on the other girl.
The first months were good. I noticed that she was imature on some levels but could explain it due to her past, the lack of therapy, and her overbearing father that doesn't let her grow up.
She introduced me to all her friends and they all liked me. They explain that she has a past of dating people who aren't good for her. They all approved of me and I liked them too. I didn't have a lot of friends. I had learned to prefer my own company over friends after being burned a few times and deciding not to befriend just anyone for my own mental health. I was rather be alone after all the betrayal i've been throught. People are just unpredictable and when i care I go fully. So to protect myself and because all the friendships before therapy were somewhat toxic I just prefered to stay alone. I did miss belonging to a group tho so I was extatic to gain a girlfriend I felt could understand me to a deeper level and a friendgroup welcoming me and simular to me. She seemed to intagrate me in the group well and they were really nice. I felt i was finally having that chosen familly a lot of people who go no contact with their familly talk about. I was taking drugs so i can study, work and manage this new relationship and friendship circle. I was determinated to make it work.
The first issue i noticed was that we would be videocalling and she wouldn't pay attention. She would be texting her friends and checking Insta or Facebook while she expected me to stay connected till she fell a sleep. She would even call me when she would wake up in the middle of the night. I did night shifts so i didn't mind about her wanting me around to sleep. I did complain about the lack of attention when she was still awake. She didn't adjust her behaviour just yet. I had to complain and make a big deal out of it before she did some efforts. Just the bare minimum.
But i knew she needed therapy and thought to understand where this behaviour was coming from. I just encouraged her that she can talk to me to about eveyrthing. But mostly I stayed patient, thinking she hadn't been in a healthy relationship. I believed with time, working on communication and showing her she could trust me, that all would be fine
There were some other issues i ignored as redflags about this relationship and still wanted to live together with her. I first proposed in moving in my appartement with no strings attached. If it didn't work out she just could go back to her dad and I am okay too. None of us looses anything. But she was not sure how her father who hadn't met me yet would react. He is a more sober person and has disapproved all her partners before.
So eventually she found the balls to tell me that she wasn't in that idea. She wanted her father to approve and so on. She had lived before with a partner her father didn't approve of cuz they both felt she was taking advantage of my girlfriend to get her papers. By the way they are still friends and i like the ex too. She doesn't seem capable of manipulate someone to get get papers. But that is an other story.
After I met her father she was okay moving in together in the Capital, a fresh start for me and her too. I was excited to start forever happly after. I had never loved someone like I've loved her. She was so vulnerable from the start that i just wanted to care for her. Like stated before i wanted to give her the love we both missed.
We moved end mai in our appartemment. I was stressing as i had to find something on time so that i don't end up homeless. I needed to find a new job and so on. I was also the one who made all the appointments and took on the stress to find us something. All she had to do is like the place. I did everthing
We moved in in the last weekend of april. On the 18th of mai was pride in our city. I had to work even tho i wanted to go. She was stating to stay home as we had spend a lot of money to move. We were almost broke both of us. i could see she wanted to go as all her friends were going and texting her. She does have been irresponsible when going out, too much drinking, losing her stuff and over spending. So i proposed guidelines to follow so she could go have a good time and not stay alone at home and still not regret the day after. We agreed that she would take her old phone just in case, eat enough as she would be drinking and retrieve the money she was going to spend so she doesn't go over her budget. That way she can't spend more than her budget.
She who is always texting me didn't say a word alle night. When i did call to check up on her she just passed me a friend to talk to them. I was pissed but happy she was unharmed in our appartement. In the morning i came home. Most of the people were still sleeping and she was acting annoyingly wierd. I couldn't make a scene as her friends were there. I just entertained them and went to sleep. I was mad. Next day she tried to make up and after some talk Mostly explaining why I was mad. She had done nothing of the steps we had taken for her to go out safly. But when i calmed down anyway she dropped the bom that she also kissed someone there. One of the people she was talking to around the time we met. Someone she eventually deemed not a match.
I was broken by that. I just couldn't believe it. Okay our sex and love life had been less since the stress of the move, finding a new job in a new city, exams and a tighy wallet. but i thought she understood as i voiced my stress.
I was miserabel when she told me, just broken, not eating physically ill and all my issues re-triggered. I felt so stupid and trapped as we had just signed for 3 years in a 1 bed appartement. I just slipped back in depression while she seemed remorsefull as if she made a mistake. She was trying to care for me and fix things. One week later i was still not okay completely broken by the betrayal still and the huge mistake i made to cosign for 3 years with no other options to move out or kick her out. She touched me at some point and I felt better with her in my arms. I decided to give her an other chance. It was discussed that cheating the only non negotiable cause for a break up was for me and that everything else is can be talked over. i should have respected my own rule...
Well same week, few days later she told me a friend of her, beacause she is friends with a lot of people she flirted or hooked up with, well that they confessed their feelings towards her. I had met this person and she had explained to me not wanting to persu my girlfriend in the past. Now they were just friends. I was okay with that. I was glad she told me and we composed a message together for that girl stating that she had told me, that I' not mad but she will stay true to me.
Now thursday she kept talking about said friend and the things my girlfriend was saying weren't adding up. It didn't seem like something said friend would say or do without context so when she got home I asked her to read the messages with said friend to try to understand. When j read the messages i was floored. Most of them were deleted and it was my girlfriend always asking about the feelings that friend would have for my girlfriend. The reason said friend was freaking out is that my girlfriend told her I took her phone and texted the girl. She was shocked understandbly. My gf was creating drama and i still haven't understood why. Like if she wanted to actually cheat why make me aware?
Its been 4 dats now and I just don't know how to advance from this. I'm still very aware of her past and the lack of therapy. I still care for her in a sence but I also hurt and I feel so stupid. She now is again remorsefull and relize now I'm the first one to show her true love. I've broken up with her as I just need to respect myself but i still have a soft spot for her besides everything. She now wants to fix everything, she'll go in therapy and so on. I sometimes find myself being the one to comfort her even after it all. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I want to keep it a healing exprericence for her, but want to protect myself and love her again at the same time.
This is just a little of the quesionable behaviour she had done, basically the most recent one. I'm just too hurt and blindsided to deal this on my own but i finished therapy like 6 months ago. I can't go back to my therapist. I plan on looking for a new one in the new city but i need advice and guidance since we live together in this 1 bed appartment. She is not really giving me space to think this trough. How should i handle this?
2024.06.09 21:06 airborne_300 RECENT D-CO CLASS SUMMARY
I recently graduated from D-CO 3-11, and wanted to give a break down.
BLUF: read the ISAP over a few times before arriving. Re-orient yourself with skill level one tasks. Ensure you can climb rope and can meet H&W standards.
Please message me directly if you have any follow on questions.
The cadre are great. They are all pretty seasoned in the nuances of this school. Most importantly - they care. Don’t be that guy who constantly tosses shade their way. That want the best for you- it’s often the people straight out of basic who try to highlight the cadres’ shortfalls (which are often caused by higher).
ARRIVAL: Day 0 / or your report date - you’re going to arrive, draw linen, and get your temporary room. You will most likely only be in this room for a day or 2 before you’re assigned your platoon. That’s the only thing that occurs on your initial day besides marching to Chow. So you probably should sign in as late as possible.
Day 1 - Phase up ACFT bright and early. According to the NEW ISAP - you have to PASS (minimum of 60 points in each event) to phase up. If you don’t - not sure if you’re going back to the crib or being a holdover in HHC until you can pass. I wouldn’t risk it though. You then follow this up with briefings all day (pretty much for the entire week).
Day 2 - HT & WT. We had 1 absolute fat ass get sent home. Not sure if they make exceptions for people who are close. But obviously if you can get 80 points in each ACFT event and a 540 overall- you’re g2g regardless of your tape. Followed by more briefs and paperwork.
SKIP to Day 4-ish - black to gold event. This is your phase up to earning your black ASCOT. It’s where you do this extremely lame PT event where you’re being yelled at by your cadre like it’s basic training. You scamper around the parade field and conduct some mundane exercises. It’s not hard like they talk it up to be. And you end with this 100m-ish low crawl across the parade field and get this rah rah speech by the battalion commander.
At the end of week 1 - ON THE WEEKEND - we conduct the Leader’s Reaction Course. It’s where you work together to overcome some scenario with barrels, rope, and a bunch of other stuff to get from one side to the other. Lame and underwhelming. Also - there’s water there, so try not to get wet.
During week 2, we began morning PT. It’s at 0500 every morning (after hospital corner-ing your beds). Typically it goes to about 0615, and it’s student led. We topically ran around the foot print twice a week and utilized the beaver fit twice a week. I don’t know if we ever did 5 PT sessions in an entire week.
Also during week 2 - you begin history. You’re taught by 2 professors for the first part of each day, and then you have a underwhelming class presented by the cadre for the latter portion of the day. At first - the history content seems a little overwhelming. However - just focus on the content that’s in red (REMEMBER THIS) and the practice questions he does at the end of each lesson. And you’ll be FINE. Make flash cards of the above /\ - study every day for like a hour, and you’ll ace it. Don’t do the nightly readings, you’ll waste your time.
Week 3 - we continued history classes until we took the test on Friday. He does a minimum review pre test - and then we got after it. EASY TEST IF YOU PUT IN THE WORK. REMEMBER- only focus on what’s in red, the practice problems, and understand a general synopsis of how each battle event / correlates with the prescribed term.
After week 3, we conducted our first peer eval. Who ever finishes last (out of the squad), received a spot report. 3 spot reports and you go to the whole person concept board at the end of the course. (Which can lead to recycle.)
During the weekend of week 4 - we conducted the Bolton Obstacle Course. Each company had different standards for the course, so it’s hard to say what’s pass or fail. However - I’d highly suggest you be able to climb monkey bars and climb up a rope before you arrive. All in all - easy course. We didn’t lose anyone.
Week 4 - we conducted land navigation. We arrived Monday and left Friday. However, you leave Saturday if you have to re test. It’s a field environment out there. So you are sleeping outside. (Maybe bring an after market tarp to ensure you’re absolutely rainproof if they let you). Schedule went as followed:
Day 1: cadre led Day 2: buddy teams Day 3: practice test Day 4: test Day 5: re test
You have to find 4/7 points. And if you pass the pre-test, it counts as your test. EXTREMELY easy course.. also each point has coordinates written in sharpie on it from prior OCs. And if the point has your grid on it 3+ times, it’s your point. Don’t second guess it. The course is super long though- so expect to get 10K + on your legs EACH day. Only 1 person in our class failed this.
We also received our history scores back following landnav. 52 people failed the first time and only 2 people double no go’d.
Between weeks 4-7, it’s pretty un-eventful. You do take a few tests: call for fire, tactics, EIB Tasks (I forgot the actual name for these) and the 4 mile. You also conduct your ACFT for OML (25% of your grade) and 9 mile ruck.
Call for fire and tactics have Quizlet practice exams which are pretty identical to the actual test, so I suggest to definitely study that. 4 mile is on a cinder track which is 1 mile per lap. Most importantly during these weeks you conduct your OPORD (pass/fail) and you begin rehearsing your SQD STX.
For the EIB tasks (once again, I forgot the actual name for this event), you cleadis-assemble/re-assemble/functions check a 240/249/M4. Pretty low threat. They also demonstrate how to do so beforehand and you’ll get plenty reps.
You’ll receive classes pertaining to the OPORD and Battle Drill 2A (the BD you conduct for STX), BUT I highly suggest you put in your own work in order to understand and master the two. There are great YouTube videos pertaining to the two on The University of Iowa’s ROTC page. Also, you can better learn about Squad Attack in the Ranger Handbook and ATP 3-21.8. For your OPORD, you are given a company level OPORD prior and pitch at PLT level to a single cadre. You are allowed to use your shell. However, they want to see concept sketches in conjunction with.
For SQD STX, it’s highly advised to develop TLPs and SOPs amongst your SQD in order to easily navigate through the intricacies of the lane: LDAs, “leaders recon”, FOOM, battle field handover, fire commands, actions on, BDAs, etc etc etc.
YOUR GARRISON OPORD IS DIFFERENT THAN YOUR OPORD FOR STX.
Week 7-8 is SQUAD STX - which is like 25% of your OML. It’s a total of 2 working weeks with a weekend refit back at the footprint in between. On site - when it’s your squad’s term, each member of the squad gets a look at Squad leader, A TL, and B TL. There are also like 6-8 different lanes, so there is a ton of variation in terms of movement distance, terrain, objective, MSRs, etc etc. It’s fairly straight forward though: you have 90 minutes upon reception of your FRAGO (you’ll build your initial OPORD day prior) to finalize/pitch your OPORD to your squad in conjunction to a terrain model, conduct rehearsal, begin movement, conduct leaders recon, actions on objective, and treat casualty/EPW. It’s easy - we had zero double go’s and maybe 6 re-testers all in all.
We hit the 12 mile ruck back from STX. Was tough for some people due to degraded conditions and on a hilly course.
Week 9- we received our branches. Talent based branching changed the game. We were the first class to participate in this. I would say 90% of the class received their top 3 choices. We also conducted the battle analysis this week - but rumor is their changing the format to a memorandum? Prior, we wrote a 500 word essay (in the army writing style) on a battle pertaining to a tactical topic. I think we had nearly 50 first time failures.
Week 10 - We took our tests on Training Management and Justice/Leadership. Both of these tests were fairly tough, but manageable. Ensure you pay attention to the slide decks and quiz lets.
Week 11 - We went on the staff ride.
Week 12 - We processed out mainly. We also had our formal (spouses can come) and had our family day the day before graduation. Graduation is on a Friday.
Please message directly if you have any questions. Extremely easy course! Just put effort in and you’ll pass in flying colors. In service people - be patient and just develop Stockholm syndrome. O9S - just be number and go with the flow.
Also- idc about grammatical errors in this, so don’t come at me.
submitted by airborne_300 to ArmyOCS [link] [comments]
BLUF: read the ISAP over a few times before arriving. Re-orient yourself with skill level one tasks. Ensure you can climb rope and can meet H&W standards.
Please message me directly if you have any follow on questions.
The cadre are great. They are all pretty seasoned in the nuances of this school. Most importantly - they care. Don’t be that guy who constantly tosses shade their way. That want the best for you- it’s often the people straight out of basic who try to highlight the cadres’ shortfalls (which are often caused by higher).
ARRIVAL: Day 0 / or your report date - you’re going to arrive, draw linen, and get your temporary room. You will most likely only be in this room for a day or 2 before you’re assigned your platoon. That’s the only thing that occurs on your initial day besides marching to Chow. So you probably should sign in as late as possible.
Day 1 - Phase up ACFT bright and early. According to the NEW ISAP - you have to PASS (minimum of 60 points in each event) to phase up. If you don’t - not sure if you’re going back to the crib or being a holdover in HHC until you can pass. I wouldn’t risk it though. You then follow this up with briefings all day (pretty much for the entire week).
Day 2 - HT & WT. We had 1 absolute fat ass get sent home. Not sure if they make exceptions for people who are close. But obviously if you can get 80 points in each ACFT event and a 540 overall- you’re g2g regardless of your tape. Followed by more briefs and paperwork.
SKIP to Day 4-ish - black to gold event. This is your phase up to earning your black ASCOT. It’s where you do this extremely lame PT event where you’re being yelled at by your cadre like it’s basic training. You scamper around the parade field and conduct some mundane exercises. It’s not hard like they talk it up to be. And you end with this 100m-ish low crawl across the parade field and get this rah rah speech by the battalion commander.
At the end of week 1 - ON THE WEEKEND - we conduct the Leader’s Reaction Course. It’s where you work together to overcome some scenario with barrels, rope, and a bunch of other stuff to get from one side to the other. Lame and underwhelming. Also - there’s water there, so try not to get wet.
During week 2, we began morning PT. It’s at 0500 every morning (after hospital corner-ing your beds). Typically it goes to about 0615, and it’s student led. We topically ran around the foot print twice a week and utilized the beaver fit twice a week. I don’t know if we ever did 5 PT sessions in an entire week.
Also during week 2 - you begin history. You’re taught by 2 professors for the first part of each day, and then you have a underwhelming class presented by the cadre for the latter portion of the day. At first - the history content seems a little overwhelming. However - just focus on the content that’s in red (REMEMBER THIS) and the practice questions he does at the end of each lesson. And you’ll be FINE. Make flash cards of the above /\ - study every day for like a hour, and you’ll ace it. Don’t do the nightly readings, you’ll waste your time.
Week 3 - we continued history classes until we took the test on Friday. He does a minimum review pre test - and then we got after it. EASY TEST IF YOU PUT IN THE WORK. REMEMBER- only focus on what’s in red, the practice problems, and understand a general synopsis of how each battle event / correlates with the prescribed term.
After week 3, we conducted our first peer eval. Who ever finishes last (out of the squad), received a spot report. 3 spot reports and you go to the whole person concept board at the end of the course. (Which can lead to recycle.)
During the weekend of week 4 - we conducted the Bolton Obstacle Course. Each company had different standards for the course, so it’s hard to say what’s pass or fail. However - I’d highly suggest you be able to climb monkey bars and climb up a rope before you arrive. All in all - easy course. We didn’t lose anyone.
Week 4 - we conducted land navigation. We arrived Monday and left Friday. However, you leave Saturday if you have to re test. It’s a field environment out there. So you are sleeping outside. (Maybe bring an after market tarp to ensure you’re absolutely rainproof if they let you). Schedule went as followed:
Day 1: cadre led Day 2: buddy teams Day 3: practice test Day 4: test Day 5: re test
You have to find 4/7 points. And if you pass the pre-test, it counts as your test. EXTREMELY easy course.. also each point has coordinates written in sharpie on it from prior OCs. And if the point has your grid on it 3+ times, it’s your point. Don’t second guess it. The course is super long though- so expect to get 10K + on your legs EACH day. Only 1 person in our class failed this.
We also received our history scores back following landnav. 52 people failed the first time and only 2 people double no go’d.
Between weeks 4-7, it’s pretty un-eventful. You do take a few tests: call for fire, tactics, EIB Tasks (I forgot the actual name for these) and the 4 mile. You also conduct your ACFT for OML (25% of your grade) and 9 mile ruck.
Call for fire and tactics have Quizlet practice exams which are pretty identical to the actual test, so I suggest to definitely study that. 4 mile is on a cinder track which is 1 mile per lap. Most importantly during these weeks you conduct your OPORD (pass/fail) and you begin rehearsing your SQD STX.
For the EIB tasks (once again, I forgot the actual name for this event), you cleadis-assemble/re-assemble/functions check a 240/249/M4. Pretty low threat. They also demonstrate how to do so beforehand and you’ll get plenty reps.
You’ll receive classes pertaining to the OPORD and Battle Drill 2A (the BD you conduct for STX), BUT I highly suggest you put in your own work in order to understand and master the two. There are great YouTube videos pertaining to the two on The University of Iowa’s ROTC page. Also, you can better learn about Squad Attack in the Ranger Handbook and ATP 3-21.8. For your OPORD, you are given a company level OPORD prior and pitch at PLT level to a single cadre. You are allowed to use your shell. However, they want to see concept sketches in conjunction with.
For SQD STX, it’s highly advised to develop TLPs and SOPs amongst your SQD in order to easily navigate through the intricacies of the lane: LDAs, “leaders recon”, FOOM, battle field handover, fire commands, actions on, BDAs, etc etc etc.
YOUR GARRISON OPORD IS DIFFERENT THAN YOUR OPORD FOR STX.
Week 7-8 is SQUAD STX - which is like 25% of your OML. It’s a total of 2 working weeks with a weekend refit back at the footprint in between. On site - when it’s your squad’s term, each member of the squad gets a look at Squad leader, A TL, and B TL. There are also like 6-8 different lanes, so there is a ton of variation in terms of movement distance, terrain, objective, MSRs, etc etc. It’s fairly straight forward though: you have 90 minutes upon reception of your FRAGO (you’ll build your initial OPORD day prior) to finalize/pitch your OPORD to your squad in conjunction to a terrain model, conduct rehearsal, begin movement, conduct leaders recon, actions on objective, and treat casualty/EPW. It’s easy - we had zero double go’s and maybe 6 re-testers all in all.
We hit the 12 mile ruck back from STX. Was tough for some people due to degraded conditions and on a hilly course.
Week 9- we received our branches. Talent based branching changed the game. We were the first class to participate in this. I would say 90% of the class received their top 3 choices. We also conducted the battle analysis this week - but rumor is their changing the format to a memorandum? Prior, we wrote a 500 word essay (in the army writing style) on a battle pertaining to a tactical topic. I think we had nearly 50 first time failures.
Week 10 - We took our tests on Training Management and Justice/Leadership. Both of these tests were fairly tough, but manageable. Ensure you pay attention to the slide decks and quiz lets.
Week 11 - We went on the staff ride.
Week 12 - We processed out mainly. We also had our formal (spouses can come) and had our family day the day before graduation. Graduation is on a Friday.
Please message directly if you have any questions. Extremely easy course! Just put effort in and you’ll pass in flying colors. In service people - be patient and just develop Stockholm syndrome. O9S - just be number and go with the flow.
Also- idc about grammatical errors in this, so don’t come at me.
2024.06.09 20:57 Mbazazelouis I just found out my girlfriend i just moved in with is a serial cheater
I'm new to reddit and english is not my first nor my second language so please excuse me if i make mistakes.
I've enjoyed listenning to reddit stories on those YouTube video's for a while now and was always amazed by the amount of input the community always gives. Now with my situation and not really knowing what else to do to cope I thought I'll give it a try.
So here is my story. I 30F met my girlfriend 27F in augustus of last year on a dating app. I remember finding her absolutly beautiful. We started taking and very soon we were calling each other everyday for hours . I communicated that I wasn't looking for a relationship as i was starting a bachelor degree combined with full time work. I was happy just being friends as I enjoyed her vibe. We were both talking to other people and she would confide in me how the others were. We met up at my place the first time as I felt like I already knew her from so much talking. She got drunk. Looking back she definetly tried to initiate something but I was carefull and she was minutes later throwing up in my toilet so i put her to sleep.
The following days she opened up about her past trauma's. She was adopted in a white family, she was born in Asia, as a baby. But she never really gotten the proper guidance to deal with it. Besides her brothers were way older so she didn't have a real connection with them. She was also SA'd by one of the brothers and the family wasn't dealing with it. Like not adressing it, giving her proper therapy and so on. Beside that there were some other problems in the familly that eventually when we got together and she introduced me to the familly, one of them asked me what i was studying. I study something that translates like familly sciences. When i told that brother he joked that his familly would be a good case for my studies.
Basically to state that she has a difficult past and she was upfront with it. I have also my trauma's like SA from family members, not feeling connected to the country we live in or my birth country. I wasn't adopted but I immigrated to here when I was 10. I've been abused in every way by my family. That plus the distance makes that I'm astranged from them in a country where I also expirienced rasism, always the outsider. So basically when i heard all that I felt like we could relate on that and was hoping we could be there for each other. Either way I never hinted towards a relationship. I just wanted to be there for her. I have had been in therapy since i was 21 years and was finishing it. I was finally in a good place.
We met up a few more times. One of the times was to help her clean her appartement. She was moving back to her father as she had had a deppressive episode and neglected the place and payments and was in debt. She didn't know who to ask from her friends. I offered. I came took over, cleaned the place. In the evening she even left me alone to finish up as she had a familydate she couldn't mis. I honestly didn't mind i finished up. she went to her familly and later she came back. We went out and when we came back in the early morning I just fell a sleep. Later once we were together she told me she wanted to thank me with sex. She did introduce me to a friend that did tell me that everyone dumps her in every relationship. He thought that i was her date and i didn't want to emberass her so I didn't ask much more questions and decided to ask her instead at an orher time. But this is one of the reddlags i missed.
After that we met up one more time to go out. She knew that in the morning I would go see that other girl i was talking to. I hadn't met that one in real life but had also a good connection with her. But that evening she confessed having feelings for me. I couldn't denie that i was attracted by her and wanted to give her all the love we both never expirienced. We kissed and ended up at my place in the morning. I just cancelled on the other girl.
The first months were good. I noticed that she was imature on some levels but could explain it due to her past, the lack of therapy, and her overbearing father that doesn't let her grow up.
She introduced me to all her friends and they all liked me. They explain that she has a past of dating people who aren't good for her. They all approved of me and I liked them too. I didn't have a lot of friends. I had learned to prefer my own company over friends after being burned a few times and deciding not to befriend just anyone for my own mental health. I was rather alone after all the betrayal i've been throught. people are just unpredictable and when i care I go fully. So to protect myself and because all the friendships before therapy were somewhat toxic I just prefered to stay alone. I did miss belonging to a group tho so I was exatatic to gain a girlfriend I felt could understand me to a deeper level and a friendgroup welcoming me and simular to me. She seemed to intagrate me in the group well and they were really nice. I felt i was finally having that chosen familly a lot of people who go no contact with their familly talk about. I was taking drugs so i can study, work and manage this new relationship and friendship circle. I was determinated to make it work.
The first issue i noticed was that we would be videocalling and she wouldn't pay attention. She would be texting her friends and checking Insta or Facebook while she expected me to stay connected till she fell a sleep. She would even call me when she would wake up in the middle of the night. I did night shifts so i didn't mind about her wanting me around to sleep. I did complain about the lack of attention when she was still awake. She didn't adjust her behaviour just yet. I had to complain and make a big deal out of it before she did some efforts. Just the bare minimum.
But i knew she needed therapy and thought to understand where this behaviour was coming from. I just encouraged her that she can talk to me to about eveyrthing. But mostly I stayed patient, thinking she hadn't been in a healthy relationship. I believed with time, working on communication and showing her she coyld trust me, that all would be fine
There were some other issues i ignored as redflags about this relationship and still wanted to live together with her. I first proposed in moving in my appartement with no strings attached. If it didn't work out she just could go back to her dad and I am okay too. None of us looses anything. But she was nit sure how her father who hadn't met me yet wpuld react. He is a more sober person and has disapproved all her partners before.
So eventually she found the balls to tell me that she wasn't in that idea. She wanted her father to approve abd so on. She had lived before with a partner her father didn't approve of cuz they both felt she was taking advantage of my girlfriend to get her papers. By the way they are still friends and i like the ex too. She doesn't seem capable of manipulate someone to get het papers. But that is an other story.
After I met her father she was okay in moving in together in the kapital, a fresh start for me and her too. I was excited to start forever happlly after. I had never loved someone like I've loved her. She was so vulnerable from the start that i just wanted to care for her. Lika stated before i wanted to give her the love we both missed.
We moved end mei in our appartement. I was stressing as i had to find something on time so that i don't end up homeless. I needed to find a new job and so on. I was also the one who made all the appointments and took on the stress to find us something. All she had to do is like the place. I did everthing
We moved in in the last weekend of april. On the 18th of mai was pride in our city. I had to work even tho i wanted to go. She was stating to stay home as we gad spend a lot of money to move. We were almost broke both of us. i could see she wanted to go as all her friends wefe going and texting her. She does have been irresponsible when goung out, too much drinking, losing her stuff and iver spending. So i proposed guidelines to follow so she could go hve a good time abd not stay alone at home and still not regret the fay after. We agreed thay she would take her old phone just in case, eat enough as she would be drinking and retrieve the money she wasn't supposed to excied in cash. That way she can't spend more than her budget.
She who is always texting me didn't say a word. When i did call to check up on her she just passed me a friend to talk to them. I was pissed but happy she was unharmed in our appartement. In the morning i came home. M9st of the people were still sleeping and she was acting annoyingly wierd. I couldn't make a scene as her friends were there. I just entertained them and went to sleep. I was mad. Next day she tried to make up and after some talk Mostly explaining why I wad mad. She had done nothing of the steps we had taken for her to go out safly. But when i calmed down anyway she dropped the nom that she also kissed someone there. One of the people she was talking to around the time we met. Someone she eventually deemed not a match.
I was broken by that. I just couldn't believe it. Okay our sex and love life had been less since the stress of the move, finding a new job in a new city, exams and a tighy wallet. but i thought she understood as i voiced my stress.
I was miserabel when she told me just broken, not eating physically ill and all my issues re-triggered. I felt so stupid and trapped as we had just signed for 3 years in a 1 bed appartement. I just slipped back in depression while she seemed remorsefull as if she made a mistake trying to care for me and fix things. One week later i was still not okay completely broken by the betrayal still the the huge mistake i made to cosign for 3 years with no other options to move out or kick her out. She touched me at some point and I felt better with her in my arms. I decided to give her an other chance even tho. It was discussed that cheating the only non negotiable action to break us up.
Well same week, few dats later she told me a friend of her cuz she is friends with a lot of people she flirted or hooked up with, well that they confessed their feelings towards her. I had met this person so and she had explained me not wanting to persui my girlfriend in the past. Now that are just friends. I was okay with that. Iwas glad she told me and we composed a message together for that girl stating that she had told me, that I' not mad but she will stay true to me.
Now thursday she kept talking about said friend and the things my girlfriend was saying weren't adding up. It didn't seem like something said friend would say or do withouy context so when she got home I asked her to read the lessages with said friend to try to understand. When j read the messages i was floored. Most of them were deleted and it was ly girlfriend always asking about the feelings that friend would have for my girlfriend. The reason said friend was freaking out is thay my girlfriend told her I took her phone and texted the girl. She was shocked understandubly. My gf was creating drama and i still haven't understood why. Like if she wanted to actually cheat why make me aware?
Its been 4 dats now and I just don't know how to advance from this. I'm still very aware of her past and the lack of therapy. I still care for her in a sence but I'l so hurt and I feel so stupid. She now is again remorsefull and relize now I'm the furst one to show her true love. I've broken up with her as i just need to respect myself but i still have a soft spot for her besides everything. She now wants to fix everything, she'll go in therapy and so on. I sometimes find myself being the one to confort her even after it all. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I want to keep it healing for her, u want to protect myself and love her again at the same time.
This is just a little of the quesionable behaviour she had done, basically the most recent one. I'm just too hurt and blindsided to deal this on my own but i finished therapy like 6 months ago. I can't go back to my therapist. I plan on looking for a new one in the new city but i need advice and guidance since we live together. How should i handle this?
submitted by Mbazazelouis to offmychest [link] [comments]
I've enjoyed listenning to reddit stories on those YouTube video's for a while now and was always amazed by the amount of input the community always gives. Now with my situation and not really knowing what else to do to cope I thought I'll give it a try.
So here is my story. I 30F met my girlfriend 27F in augustus of last year on a dating app. I remember finding her absolutly beautiful. We started taking and very soon we were calling each other everyday for hours . I communicated that I wasn't looking for a relationship as i was starting a bachelor degree combined with full time work. I was happy just being friends as I enjoyed her vibe. We were both talking to other people and she would confide in me how the others were. We met up at my place the first time as I felt like I already knew her from so much talking. She got drunk. Looking back she definetly tried to initiate something but I was carefull and she was minutes later throwing up in my toilet so i put her to sleep.
The following days she opened up about her past trauma's. She was adopted in a white family, she was born in Asia, as a baby. But she never really gotten the proper guidance to deal with it. Besides her brothers were way older so she didn't have a real connection with them. She was also SA'd by one of the brothers and the family wasn't dealing with it. Like not adressing it, giving her proper therapy and so on. Beside that there were some other problems in the familly that eventually when we got together and she introduced me to the familly, one of them asked me what i was studying. I study something that translates like familly sciences. When i told that brother he joked that his familly would be a good case for my studies.
Basically to state that she has a difficult past and she was upfront with it. I have also my trauma's like SA from family members, not feeling connected to the country we live in or my birth country. I wasn't adopted but I immigrated to here when I was 10. I've been abused in every way by my family. That plus the distance makes that I'm astranged from them in a country where I also expirienced rasism, always the outsider. So basically when i heard all that I felt like we could relate on that and was hoping we could be there for each other. Either way I never hinted towards a relationship. I just wanted to be there for her. I have had been in therapy since i was 21 years and was finishing it. I was finally in a good place.
We met up a few more times. One of the times was to help her clean her appartement. She was moving back to her father as she had had a deppressive episode and neglected the place and payments and was in debt. She didn't know who to ask from her friends. I offered. I came took over, cleaned the place. In the evening she even left me alone to finish up as she had a familydate she couldn't mis. I honestly didn't mind i finished up. she went to her familly and later she came back. We went out and when we came back in the early morning I just fell a sleep. Later once we were together she told me she wanted to thank me with sex. She did introduce me to a friend that did tell me that everyone dumps her in every relationship. He thought that i was her date and i didn't want to emberass her so I didn't ask much more questions and decided to ask her instead at an orher time. But this is one of the reddlags i missed.
After that we met up one more time to go out. She knew that in the morning I would go see that other girl i was talking to. I hadn't met that one in real life but had also a good connection with her. But that evening she confessed having feelings for me. I couldn't denie that i was attracted by her and wanted to give her all the love we both never expirienced. We kissed and ended up at my place in the morning. I just cancelled on the other girl.
The first months were good. I noticed that she was imature on some levels but could explain it due to her past, the lack of therapy, and her overbearing father that doesn't let her grow up.
She introduced me to all her friends and they all liked me. They explain that she has a past of dating people who aren't good for her. They all approved of me and I liked them too. I didn't have a lot of friends. I had learned to prefer my own company over friends after being burned a few times and deciding not to befriend just anyone for my own mental health. I was rather alone after all the betrayal i've been throught. people are just unpredictable and when i care I go fully. So to protect myself and because all the friendships before therapy were somewhat toxic I just prefered to stay alone. I did miss belonging to a group tho so I was exatatic to gain a girlfriend I felt could understand me to a deeper level and a friendgroup welcoming me and simular to me. She seemed to intagrate me in the group well and they were really nice. I felt i was finally having that chosen familly a lot of people who go no contact with their familly talk about. I was taking drugs so i can study, work and manage this new relationship and friendship circle. I was determinated to make it work.
The first issue i noticed was that we would be videocalling and she wouldn't pay attention. She would be texting her friends and checking Insta or Facebook while she expected me to stay connected till she fell a sleep. She would even call me when she would wake up in the middle of the night. I did night shifts so i didn't mind about her wanting me around to sleep. I did complain about the lack of attention when she was still awake. She didn't adjust her behaviour just yet. I had to complain and make a big deal out of it before she did some efforts. Just the bare minimum.
But i knew she needed therapy and thought to understand where this behaviour was coming from. I just encouraged her that she can talk to me to about eveyrthing. But mostly I stayed patient, thinking she hadn't been in a healthy relationship. I believed with time, working on communication and showing her she coyld trust me, that all would be fine
There were some other issues i ignored as redflags about this relationship and still wanted to live together with her. I first proposed in moving in my appartement with no strings attached. If it didn't work out she just could go back to her dad and I am okay too. None of us looses anything. But she was nit sure how her father who hadn't met me yet wpuld react. He is a more sober person and has disapproved all her partners before.
So eventually she found the balls to tell me that she wasn't in that idea. She wanted her father to approve abd so on. She had lived before with a partner her father didn't approve of cuz they both felt she was taking advantage of my girlfriend to get her papers. By the way they are still friends and i like the ex too. She doesn't seem capable of manipulate someone to get het papers. But that is an other story.
After I met her father she was okay in moving in together in the kapital, a fresh start for me and her too. I was excited to start forever happlly after. I had never loved someone like I've loved her. She was so vulnerable from the start that i just wanted to care for her. Lika stated before i wanted to give her the love we both missed.
We moved end mei in our appartement. I was stressing as i had to find something on time so that i don't end up homeless. I needed to find a new job and so on. I was also the one who made all the appointments and took on the stress to find us something. All she had to do is like the place. I did everthing
We moved in in the last weekend of april. On the 18th of mai was pride in our city. I had to work even tho i wanted to go. She was stating to stay home as we gad spend a lot of money to move. We were almost broke both of us. i could see she wanted to go as all her friends wefe going and texting her. She does have been irresponsible when goung out, too much drinking, losing her stuff and iver spending. So i proposed guidelines to follow so she could go hve a good time abd not stay alone at home and still not regret the fay after. We agreed thay she would take her old phone just in case, eat enough as she would be drinking and retrieve the money she wasn't supposed to excied in cash. That way she can't spend more than her budget.
She who is always texting me didn't say a word. When i did call to check up on her she just passed me a friend to talk to them. I was pissed but happy she was unharmed in our appartement. In the morning i came home. M9st of the people were still sleeping and she was acting annoyingly wierd. I couldn't make a scene as her friends were there. I just entertained them and went to sleep. I was mad. Next day she tried to make up and after some talk Mostly explaining why I wad mad. She had done nothing of the steps we had taken for her to go out safly. But when i calmed down anyway she dropped the nom that she also kissed someone there. One of the people she was talking to around the time we met. Someone she eventually deemed not a match.
I was broken by that. I just couldn't believe it. Okay our sex and love life had been less since the stress of the move, finding a new job in a new city, exams and a tighy wallet. but i thought she understood as i voiced my stress.
I was miserabel when she told me just broken, not eating physically ill and all my issues re-triggered. I felt so stupid and trapped as we had just signed for 3 years in a 1 bed appartement. I just slipped back in depression while she seemed remorsefull as if she made a mistake trying to care for me and fix things. One week later i was still not okay completely broken by the betrayal still the the huge mistake i made to cosign for 3 years with no other options to move out or kick her out. She touched me at some point and I felt better with her in my arms. I decided to give her an other chance even tho. It was discussed that cheating the only non negotiable action to break us up.
Well same week, few dats later she told me a friend of her cuz she is friends with a lot of people she flirted or hooked up with, well that they confessed their feelings towards her. I had met this person so and she had explained me not wanting to persui my girlfriend in the past. Now that are just friends. I was okay with that. Iwas glad she told me and we composed a message together for that girl stating that she had told me, that I' not mad but she will stay true to me.
Now thursday she kept talking about said friend and the things my girlfriend was saying weren't adding up. It didn't seem like something said friend would say or do withouy context so when she got home I asked her to read the lessages with said friend to try to understand. When j read the messages i was floored. Most of them were deleted and it was ly girlfriend always asking about the feelings that friend would have for my girlfriend. The reason said friend was freaking out is thay my girlfriend told her I took her phone and texted the girl. She was shocked understandubly. My gf was creating drama and i still haven't understood why. Like if she wanted to actually cheat why make me aware?
Its been 4 dats now and I just don't know how to advance from this. I'm still very aware of her past and the lack of therapy. I still care for her in a sence but I'l so hurt and I feel so stupid. She now is again remorsefull and relize now I'm the furst one to show her true love. I've broken up with her as i just need to respect myself but i still have a soft spot for her besides everything. She now wants to fix everything, she'll go in therapy and so on. I sometimes find myself being the one to confort her even after it all. I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I want to keep it healing for her, u want to protect myself and love her again at the same time.
This is just a little of the quesionable behaviour she had done, basically the most recent one. I'm just too hurt and blindsided to deal this on my own but i finished therapy like 6 months ago. I can't go back to my therapist. I plan on looking for a new one in the new city but i need advice and guidance since we live together. How should i handle this?
2024.06.09 19:57 PrettiGood Is my cat always going to be afraid of me?
I recently adopted a 6-7 year old cat that was originally a friendly street cat that was being fed by a woman, but was picked up by a rescue when that woman had to move. Nickels was in foster for about two years.
He has been in my house for about a month. His initial freak-out has subsided a bit, but he is still nervous. His pupils are almost always dilated. If he is in his cave, he will let me pet him and he seems to quite enjoy it. The calming spray turns his enjoyment up a notch, which I like to see.
However, when he is not in his cave I am like a stranger to him. He darts about the room trying to escape me. Even when in his cave, he doesn't play with toys and he doesn't care about treats! What animal doesn't care about treats? He is eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom OK.
Is this just how this cat is going to be? I feel like I am holding him captive against his will, and it makes me feel like an asshole. How do you win over an animal that isn't food or toy motivated?
For context, I have him confined to my attic bedroom of about 300 sq ft. There is almost no furniture, but I have been adding nesting boxes and other places to hide as he calms down. (I was advised not to let him avoid all contact at first by the rescue. I.e. don't let him hid under a bed for a week). I always back off if he hisses or runs away. Thankfully he doesn't hiss bite or scratch much.
Advice?
submitted by PrettiGood to cats [link] [comments]
He has been in my house for about a month. His initial freak-out has subsided a bit, but he is still nervous. His pupils are almost always dilated. If he is in his cave, he will let me pet him and he seems to quite enjoy it. The calming spray turns his enjoyment up a notch, which I like to see.
However, when he is not in his cave I am like a stranger to him. He darts about the room trying to escape me. Even when in his cave, he doesn't play with toys and he doesn't care about treats! What animal doesn't care about treats? He is eating, drinking, and going to the bathroom OK.
Is this just how this cat is going to be? I feel like I am holding him captive against his will, and it makes me feel like an asshole. How do you win over an animal that isn't food or toy motivated?
For context, I have him confined to my attic bedroom of about 300 sq ft. There is almost no furniture, but I have been adding nesting boxes and other places to hide as he calms down. (I was advised not to let him avoid all contact at first by the rescue. I.e. don't let him hid under a bed for a week). I always back off if he hisses or runs away. Thankfully he doesn't hiss bite or scratch much.
Advice?
2024.06.09 19:28 volgensmij520 My experience so far getting Botox in my armpits
TLDR: loving the Botox right now. 40ish year old female.
*****
I got Botox in my armpits about 2 weeks ago for hyperhidrosis. First time treatment. So far, this is my experience. I'll break it down by my treatment experience first. Then I'll break it down on how the outcomes affect my life.
Treatment Experience
submitted by volgensmij520 to Hyperhidrosis [link] [comments]
*****
I got Botox in my armpits about 2 weeks ago for hyperhidrosis. First time treatment. So far, this is my experience. I'll break it down by my treatment experience first. Then I'll break it down on how the outcomes affect my life.
Treatment Experience
- I have never had the worst hyperhidrosis, but enough that it affected my life (more on that later). It only really affects me in my armpits.
- I have visited GPs (GP = general practitioner) about this many times in the past, and they just prescribe me medical strength aluminum that I have to put on once a week. I have tried this a number of times during my life, and it was never effective. When I was 19 years old and tried this, I actually got red burns in my armpits that made me cry they were so painful. Reflecting back, I was probably putting it on too frequently.
- I am originally from the US, and have lived in 5 other countries. I moved to Italy about 1.5 years ago. I visited my GP and asked for a Botox prescription and he happily gave it to me after I described my experience. Though I have access to the public health care system in Italy, the wait times are very long. Like most people, I carry private health insurance as a result. I wanted my treatment before summer started, otherwise I would have had to wait until November for an appointment in the public system.
- My appointment was with a neurologist in Milan. The procedure took about 15 minutes. There were around 20 pokes in each armpit. I have a high pain tolerance. I would rate this a 2 or 3 out of 10. Very pokey. I just took some very measured breathing to calm myself through it.
- The cost was €340 without insurance. My insurance covers the procedure. I have Googled other procedures in other cities and at cosmetic clinics I can see it ranging from 700 to 1,000 for a treatment.
- My neurologist told me that I would feel the effects within 4 to 10 days, and that they should last anywhere between 4 to 9 months. Some people report the effects are gone by 2 months, but he cannot treat me again before 3 months otherwise I can develop antibodies to the procedure.
- I already felt the effects on days 2 and 3, and everything was definitely in full swing by day 4. More on the effects/outcomes next.
- My neurologist did tell me that hands are more painful but all of his patients come back for their repeat treatments because the outcomes are worth the pain. He also offered that if I get underboob sweat that he can treat me there too (I declined this first time).
- I would say that my sweating has dropped by 90-95%.
- If I do sweat, it just has a more "normal" acceptable odor to it rather than being gagging rancid.
- I am still wearing deoderant for the 5-10% but I only need to apply once a day. And some days I forget to apply.
- Even if my insurance didn't cover this treatment, I would pay for it out of pocket. I would not visit a cosmetic clinic though because their prices are higher, I would simply visit a neurologist and pay out of pocket for the treatment there (which is what I do anyway, run the credit card and get reimbursed by my insurance company).
- I have not noticed any increased sweating anywhere else on my body, however summer really only just started so will be monitoring/journaling that one closely.
- Ghost Sweat/Smell and Anxiety/Panic: It's going to take me a long time to lose the sweating/smelling panic and anxiety. I have this almost phantom sweating now. I go about my day, I think I feel that I'm starting to sweat, then I panic about "oh gosh, now I'm out in public and I'm going to smell bad and my shirt will be ruined and I will have to change before I go to dinner later and darnit I should have brought my deoderant with me and yuck I hope no one can smell me right now and I'll just keep my arms squished down to tightly pack the smell in there until I get home". And then I do a sweat and smell check - and there is nothing. No wet stains. I smell absolutely fine.
- Wardrobe Options Unlocked: Pre-Botox I would say that I was very limited in wardrobe options. I bought/wore maybe 10% of the possible outfits that I would actually like to wear. Shopping freaking sucked. I would not buy any clothing tops or dresses that touched my armpits. Period. So all of my clothes were either tank tops with a kimono or other cover top I could easily swap out when it got too sweaty/stinky, or very loose t-shirts. Nothing form fitting, ever (except swimsuits and tank tops). Even tank tops I was very particular that the lower portion needed to dip as low as possible, I could not wear any tank tops where the arm pit was tight/touching. It's crazy to think of the wardrobe styles and colors that have been unlocked now.
- One story I tell my friends was a few years ago I was speaking at a conference of around 100-150 attendees. This is a normal part of my job, I love public speaking and thrive on it. Even so, I will of course get a bit anxious in the 1 hour before I go on. For this specific conference, I had worked with my executive coach to buy a new top that had a pop of color - something memorable - in bright blue silk. Luckily I was staying at an Airbnb about a 10 minute walk away from the facility. After arriving in the morning, within 30 minutes I looked down and I was soaking wet through this bright blue silk blouse, with wide water marks. I was horrified at my rookie mistake. I immediately ran back to my Airbnb, changed into my dull frumpy black top and black sweater, and then ran back to do my speech/panel.
- Travel Packing: Holy heck now I realize how people can travel so light with just a backpack. They can re-wear most of their clothing. I have always needed to bring a lot of change of clothes. Not necessarily bottoms, but tops yes. Because even though I might have the ability to at least hand wash, it may take too long for them to dry before I need to wear them again. So I just pack a little bit more clothes to be safe. Just this last week I never had to do laundry and I was on a 10 day trip, and I re-wore every top I put on at least 2-3 times. Some clothes I never even wore because I didn't need to. I have unlocked so much more possibility for traveling light.
- Cute Airport Looks: I am a person that believes you should look nice when you travel, and since you never know who you are going to meet then you should look your best to be ready for such random encounters. But, I never got to be that person because of my sweating. "Travel Day" (arrival and departure) was always just planned around the outfit that would make me sweat/smell the least. I wouldn't even bother putting on makeup because I felt gross and wet and stinky anyway so why bother? Usually by the time I got to the airport, I was already wet and smelly from going up and down stairs and taking public transportation, just trying to hide it for my flight until I could change and reapply deoderant. But now? I can look cute when I travel. Today I hauled my suitcase to the airport, flew home to Italy from the Netherlands, with no sweat and no smell. I'm really looking forward to finally being able to "dress cute" at the airport and feel confident in myself.
- Intimacy: Pre-Botox I would make my outfit and dating choices around my sweating. I would have to really analyze the situation, the weather, whether we would be sitting outdoors or indoors or in air conditioning or not, if he had air conditioning at his home or not, all to determine whether or not I would go home with him. All of that anxiety about sweating/smelling meant that intimacy was never spontaneous, always planned, which I hate. Additionally, if the stars did align for something spontaneous (perfect outfit choices for the setting) then if I got to his home and realized I didn't have any deoderant with me I would check his bathroom cabinet for spray deoderant. If I found spray deoderant that I could use to top up before getting sexy and to top up again in the morning, then I would stay over. If not, I would leave and go home. Another example of one my crutches: I would always stink in the morning so I would try my best to wake up before him, run to the bathroom and apply deoderant, and then come back to bed before any morning intimacy began.
2024.06.09 19:17 kindafreakinout17 Carpet beetles are stressing me out
Recently discovered carpet beetles, now I'm freaking out
Basically as it says as soon as I found out what they were and that I had them I started freaking out, I deep cleaned my whole room for a couple days and in that time I'd day I killed about 10 fully grown and a few larva, it's been a bit now and I check everyday I can't find any except for the 1 larva in the corner sometimes, I was just wondering if anyone could answer some of my questions? The things I mainly know is that they are in about 90% of homes so there's really no getting rid of them permanently without professional intervention what for me isn't really possible, I've been looking Into getting some de for around the corners of my room and the edge of my bed, my main concerns are
Are they crawling on me while I sleep? I have seen sources that say yes the larva and beetles do crawl on you, I've heard that the larva don't really go into your bed but it might be more common for the adult ones to kinda move across it, I've heard sources that say they come into your bed and eat your hair while you sleep, now keep in mind these are banded carpet beetles brown/black with a tan like stripe in the middle. There's no crumbs in my bed or on my floor really so there wouldn't be much reason for them to come up here but I wanna be sure, I've talked to some professionals that say that in 10+ years they have only ever seen it once or twice in a bed so that made me feel slightly better, but just wanna know if it really is super common and happens everytime I go to sleep or if it's kinda a rare once and a blue moon thing
If I keep my room clean and vaccume a couple times a week will that be enough for them to see no point of staying in my room? Or will they come in my room just to lay eggs even if there's no food? Just wanting to know cause I check atleast 10 times a day all over my room and I find none if any just 1 larva now.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm just freaking out, I can barley sleep.
submitted by kindafreakinout17 to Anxiety [link] [comments]
Basically as it says as soon as I found out what they were and that I had them I started freaking out, I deep cleaned my whole room for a couple days and in that time I'd day I killed about 10 fully grown and a few larva, it's been a bit now and I check everyday I can't find any except for the 1 larva in the corner sometimes, I was just wondering if anyone could answer some of my questions? The things I mainly know is that they are in about 90% of homes so there's really no getting rid of them permanently without professional intervention what for me isn't really possible, I've been looking Into getting some de for around the corners of my room and the edge of my bed, my main concerns are
Are they crawling on me while I sleep? I have seen sources that say yes the larva and beetles do crawl on you, I've heard that the larva don't really go into your bed but it might be more common for the adult ones to kinda move across it, I've heard sources that say they come into your bed and eat your hair while you sleep, now keep in mind these are banded carpet beetles brown/black with a tan like stripe in the middle. There's no crumbs in my bed or on my floor really so there wouldn't be much reason for them to come up here but I wanna be sure, I've talked to some professionals that say that in 10+ years they have only ever seen it once or twice in a bed so that made me feel slightly better, but just wanna know if it really is super common and happens everytime I go to sleep or if it's kinda a rare once and a blue moon thing
If I keep my room clean and vaccume a couple times a week will that be enough for them to see no point of staying in my room? Or will they come in my room just to lay eggs even if there's no food? Just wanting to know cause I check atleast 10 times a day all over my room and I find none if any just 1 larva now.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm just freaking out, I can barley sleep.
2024.06.09 18:22 OilPsychological1080 What to do with my marriage? '43F' '32M'
I have been with my wife for 8 years now we recently had our 7 year wedding anniversary. In the beginning of our marriage and relationship things were amazing. My wife has been married twice before me and has kids with both previous husbands. I have also been married twice before her me mostly being young and dumb and trying to rush life, I have never had children with either of my previous wives. After we were married we decided to have children which I expressed to her I never intended on having children with someone I didn't plan to be with forever.
I did not want my children apart of a broken home. Fast forward 6 years, I confronted my wife on the suspicion that she had possibly slept with one of my best friends before her and I ever knew each other this was a friend that we regularly were around and hung with. She assured me several times that she had never slept with him or done anything to him. Well not long after that I over hear my wife drunkingly talking to one of her friends telling her friend that she did sleep with him but didn't want me to find out. I know no one here knows me so I'll start off by saying we all have a past and that's fine I just ask not to be lied to and give and recieve complete honesty. I don't think anyone wants to be hanging out on a regular basis with there spouse hanging around someone they have slept with . I didn't call her out in it immediately but it ate away at me for weeks why would you lie about that I asked myself? Looking me straight in my eyes and lied over and over.
A month or so goes by and my wife is drunk and I bring it up to her, once again she denies it but I told her i overheard her telling her friend so I know she's lying. Now I'm not the type of male who is very jealous and I definitely don't play the going through your phone game because I'm committed and I give my wife my trust. Well I when I confronted her on this issue I called her out on some other shady behavior, she was going through one of her photo apps and there was a video of her ex boyfriend masturbating. Clearly by this point I am infuriated. She swears she didn't know it was on there and she thought it was deleted. We are in a public parking lot inside the car when all this goes down she freaks out and jumps out of the car, I beg and plead for her to get back in the car as this is my children's mother and I would never do anything to publicly embarrass her. Well she ends up drawing a lot of attention to herself and gets arrested since she is drunk and not calming down and refuses to get back in the car with me so I can take her home.
Fast forward about 3 months. My wife and I had been out to eat and on our way home got into a arguement. Once we arrived home she asked me "doing you like living here"? Which I thought was odd but I replied yes why wouldn't I? We finally have a nice house sitting on a farm with beautiful views it's everything Iv always wanted, she replied with "ok". She said she was going to go for a walk to clear her head and I said ok I was going to use the bathroom. I got out of the bathroom and I couldn't quit thinking why would she ask such a question she knows I love living here. I went to her car because there's a pistol in to glove box and I'm trying to cross the worst scenarios out of my head. The glove box was locked as it usually is and she took her car key with her. I ran inside and got the spare and went back to the car and unlocked the glove box and the pistol is missing.
I immediately track her location and see she is in a near field. I jump in my truck and go to where she is at I find her sitting by A brush pile listening sad music with the gun in her lap. I am able to get the gun from her then she takes off running through the field towards our house. At this point it is like my wife has had a complete mental break down and idk what to do I start calling her mom and dad they don't answer I call her daughter who is in the military and In a different state freaking out telling her everything that's happening. My wife makes it home gets in her car and leaves and doesn't come back for hours I can't track her because she left her phone in the field where I found her. By this point I have gotten ahold of her mom and dad no one knows what to do. So we all come together once my wife arrives back home and tell her what ever is going on we want her to get help with it's therapy or medicine we don't care we are here for here and support whatever we have to do.
Time goes by and things are starting to get normal again after my wife refuses to take medicine or do anything for help. We did start marriage counseling we had scheduled 4 meetings to start with the first meeting we did as a couple the second meeting I did by myself and the third meeting was supposed to be my wife alone and on the 4th meeting it would be us as a couple again. Well when it came time for my wife to do her meeting she kept rescheduling over and over and I finally called her out on why she wasn't taking this serious. She said she was but she just had this or that going on etc all I heard was excuses. Now since you don't know my wife she is a very successful female that makes great money and is in amazing shape and literally had the perfect body even after kids, you would never even known she's had a kid and built very desirable.
I am 6' 2" and I go to the gym 5-6 times a week I have never cheated in any way form or fashion on my wife or done anything morally or ethically wrong towards our marriage I have always loved my wife and thought she was perfect. After these events started happening I started to question a lot of things and I found out my wife is as truthful as I thought she was. I don't believe my wife has ever cheated on me but she does seem to tell a lot of small lies or just flat out lies in general. My wife has in the last few years became psychotically jealous I'm not even allowed to eat with female coworkers and if I do I have to notify her and tell her where they are sitting in relation to where I'm sitting and what if anything they say to me. I have to tell her every time a female calls or text me etc.
I do not have any social media but my wife has almost all of them and I don't care but I would like to point out she has male friends on her social media both married and single but I'm not allowed to be friendly or joke or anything even with the people I work with and my wife knows all of them but at the same time my wife also works in a coed environment and I don't limit her on anything she does nor do I ask or care because I love her and trust her. She has recently gotten mad that she shares her location with me but I don't share mine with her, I never asked her to share hers with me she just randomly did one day but since I don't do anything wrong and have nothing to hide I started sharing mine as well. Well that became a problem while we're both at work I would be question about why have I been at a particular location for 10 min or why have I been here or there etc and that got really old really quick.
A few months go by and my wife starts a physical altercation with me I have never in my life hit a woman nor did I that night but I did keep pushing her off of me as I tried gathering my stuff for work so I could leave and go somewhere else. Long story short the police showed up I didn't have a shirt on and was covered in scratch and bite marks. Luckily I was able to leave and no one would go to jail, both our careers would've been ruined if either of us would've went to jail. After leaving that night I go to a hotel from that night forward I don't come home for 2 weeks I stay at hotels or family's house still in shock of how all this has came about. How close we were to losing everything we have including our careers over her behavior. I tell my wife I want time away from her to think things through. She tells me after two weeks of not sleeping under the same roof as her I need to come home because our children are asking a lot of questions I was skeptical but I returned and only for my kids I love my kids more than anything and during this 2 week period of being gone from them I would show up as my wife left for work and take them to school and pick them up and still see them and do stuff with them.
I started staying back at home for my kids my wife and I still haven't slept in the same bed I am devistated on what to do about my marriage I can't handle a controlling and psychotically jealous wife anymore. This is not all that's going on in my marriage just some of the big things. I feel like I do most of the house work and I do all of the outside work. I clean, do dishes, do laundry etc I hate not having a clean and organized house. Lately things have been getting out of control with spending financially. All of this combined is driving me crazy. I told my wife 3 times I wanted a divorce but she begs me and tells me how everything can and will be better. She did start medicine for whatever is going on with her mentally but honestly not much has changed not like she promised. She still leaves the house and goes drinking with her friends and doesn't come home until late into the night etc. I don't know what to do I am beyond devastated to think about what a divorce would do to my kids 5 & 6.
I can't stand the thought of them possibly having another father figure in their future. I have days where I feel strong enough to divorce and I know everything will be ok and be fine and then I have days where I question if I would be able to make it through something like that or not. I feel really confused on what to do my wife's behavior hasn't changed much and the only reason there's been any change at all is because I told her I wanted a divorce and I feel like she's trying to look really good right now and show me this "change". I worry what if I'm never happy again what if I never have this life of fun and happiness like I had before all these issues started happen for the last year and a half. I'm really stuck on what to do.
submitted by OilPsychological1080 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I did not want my children apart of a broken home. Fast forward 6 years, I confronted my wife on the suspicion that she had possibly slept with one of my best friends before her and I ever knew each other this was a friend that we regularly were around and hung with. She assured me several times that she had never slept with him or done anything to him. Well not long after that I over hear my wife drunkingly talking to one of her friends telling her friend that she did sleep with him but didn't want me to find out. I know no one here knows me so I'll start off by saying we all have a past and that's fine I just ask not to be lied to and give and recieve complete honesty. I don't think anyone wants to be hanging out on a regular basis with there spouse hanging around someone they have slept with . I didn't call her out in it immediately but it ate away at me for weeks why would you lie about that I asked myself? Looking me straight in my eyes and lied over and over.
A month or so goes by and my wife is drunk and I bring it up to her, once again she denies it but I told her i overheard her telling her friend so I know she's lying. Now I'm not the type of male who is very jealous and I definitely don't play the going through your phone game because I'm committed and I give my wife my trust. Well I when I confronted her on this issue I called her out on some other shady behavior, she was going through one of her photo apps and there was a video of her ex boyfriend masturbating. Clearly by this point I am infuriated. She swears she didn't know it was on there and she thought it was deleted. We are in a public parking lot inside the car when all this goes down she freaks out and jumps out of the car, I beg and plead for her to get back in the car as this is my children's mother and I would never do anything to publicly embarrass her. Well she ends up drawing a lot of attention to herself and gets arrested since she is drunk and not calming down and refuses to get back in the car with me so I can take her home.
Fast forward about 3 months. My wife and I had been out to eat and on our way home got into a arguement. Once we arrived home she asked me "doing you like living here"? Which I thought was odd but I replied yes why wouldn't I? We finally have a nice house sitting on a farm with beautiful views it's everything Iv always wanted, she replied with "ok". She said she was going to go for a walk to clear her head and I said ok I was going to use the bathroom. I got out of the bathroom and I couldn't quit thinking why would she ask such a question she knows I love living here. I went to her car because there's a pistol in to glove box and I'm trying to cross the worst scenarios out of my head. The glove box was locked as it usually is and she took her car key with her. I ran inside and got the spare and went back to the car and unlocked the glove box and the pistol is missing.
I immediately track her location and see she is in a near field. I jump in my truck and go to where she is at I find her sitting by A brush pile listening sad music with the gun in her lap. I am able to get the gun from her then she takes off running through the field towards our house. At this point it is like my wife has had a complete mental break down and idk what to do I start calling her mom and dad they don't answer I call her daughter who is in the military and In a different state freaking out telling her everything that's happening. My wife makes it home gets in her car and leaves and doesn't come back for hours I can't track her because she left her phone in the field where I found her. By this point I have gotten ahold of her mom and dad no one knows what to do. So we all come together once my wife arrives back home and tell her what ever is going on we want her to get help with it's therapy or medicine we don't care we are here for here and support whatever we have to do.
Time goes by and things are starting to get normal again after my wife refuses to take medicine or do anything for help. We did start marriage counseling we had scheduled 4 meetings to start with the first meeting we did as a couple the second meeting I did by myself and the third meeting was supposed to be my wife alone and on the 4th meeting it would be us as a couple again. Well when it came time for my wife to do her meeting she kept rescheduling over and over and I finally called her out on why she wasn't taking this serious. She said she was but she just had this or that going on etc all I heard was excuses. Now since you don't know my wife she is a very successful female that makes great money and is in amazing shape and literally had the perfect body even after kids, you would never even known she's had a kid and built very desirable.
I am 6' 2" and I go to the gym 5-6 times a week I have never cheated in any way form or fashion on my wife or done anything morally or ethically wrong towards our marriage I have always loved my wife and thought she was perfect. After these events started happening I started to question a lot of things and I found out my wife is as truthful as I thought she was. I don't believe my wife has ever cheated on me but she does seem to tell a lot of small lies or just flat out lies in general. My wife has in the last few years became psychotically jealous I'm not even allowed to eat with female coworkers and if I do I have to notify her and tell her where they are sitting in relation to where I'm sitting and what if anything they say to me. I have to tell her every time a female calls or text me etc.
I do not have any social media but my wife has almost all of them and I don't care but I would like to point out she has male friends on her social media both married and single but I'm not allowed to be friendly or joke or anything even with the people I work with and my wife knows all of them but at the same time my wife also works in a coed environment and I don't limit her on anything she does nor do I ask or care because I love her and trust her. She has recently gotten mad that she shares her location with me but I don't share mine with her, I never asked her to share hers with me she just randomly did one day but since I don't do anything wrong and have nothing to hide I started sharing mine as well. Well that became a problem while we're both at work I would be question about why have I been at a particular location for 10 min or why have I been here or there etc and that got really old really quick.
A few months go by and my wife starts a physical altercation with me I have never in my life hit a woman nor did I that night but I did keep pushing her off of me as I tried gathering my stuff for work so I could leave and go somewhere else. Long story short the police showed up I didn't have a shirt on and was covered in scratch and bite marks. Luckily I was able to leave and no one would go to jail, both our careers would've been ruined if either of us would've went to jail. After leaving that night I go to a hotel from that night forward I don't come home for 2 weeks I stay at hotels or family's house still in shock of how all this has came about. How close we were to losing everything we have including our careers over her behavior. I tell my wife I want time away from her to think things through. She tells me after two weeks of not sleeping under the same roof as her I need to come home because our children are asking a lot of questions I was skeptical but I returned and only for my kids I love my kids more than anything and during this 2 week period of being gone from them I would show up as my wife left for work and take them to school and pick them up and still see them and do stuff with them.
I started staying back at home for my kids my wife and I still haven't slept in the same bed I am devistated on what to do about my marriage I can't handle a controlling and psychotically jealous wife anymore. This is not all that's going on in my marriage just some of the big things. I feel like I do most of the house work and I do all of the outside work. I clean, do dishes, do laundry etc I hate not having a clean and organized house. Lately things have been getting out of control with spending financially. All of this combined is driving me crazy. I told my wife 3 times I wanted a divorce but she begs me and tells me how everything can and will be better. She did start medicine for whatever is going on with her mentally but honestly not much has changed not like she promised. She still leaves the house and goes drinking with her friends and doesn't come home until late into the night etc. I don't know what to do I am beyond devastated to think about what a divorce would do to my kids 5 & 6.
I can't stand the thought of them possibly having another father figure in their future. I have days where I feel strong enough to divorce and I know everything will be ok and be fine and then I have days where I question if I would be able to make it through something like that or not. I feel really confused on what to do my wife's behavior hasn't changed much and the only reason there's been any change at all is because I told her I wanted a divorce and I feel like she's trying to look really good right now and show me this "change". I worry what if I'm never happy again what if I never have this life of fun and happiness like I had before all these issues started happen for the last year and a half. I'm really stuck on what to do.
2024.06.09 17:43 kindafreakinout17 Recently discovered carpet beetles, now I'm freaking out, I need advice.
Basically as it says as soon as I found out what they were and that I had them I started freaking out, I deep cleaned my whole room for a couple days and in that time I'd day I killed about 10 fully grown and a few larva, it's been a bit now and I check everyday I can't find any except for the 1 larva in the corner sometimes, I was just wondering if anyone could answer some of my questions? The things I mainly know is that they are in about 90% of homes so there's really no getting rid of them permanently without professional intervention what for me isn't really possible, I've been looking Into getting some de for around the corners of my room and the edge of my bed, my main concerns are
Are they crawling on me while I sleep? I have seen sources that say yes the larva and beetles do crawl on you, I've heard that the larva don't really go into your bed but it might be more common for the adult ones to kinda move across it, I've heard sources that say they come into your bed and eat your hair while you sleep, now keep in mind these are banded carpet beetles brown/black with a tan like stripe in the middle. There's no crumbs in my bed or on my floor really so there wouldn't be much reason for them to come up here but I wanna be sure, I've talked to some professionals that say that in 10+ years they have only ever seen it once or twice in a bed so that made me feel slightly better, but just wanna know if it really is super common and happens everytime I go to sleep or if it's kinda a rare once and a blue moon thing
If I keep my room clean and vaccume a couple times a week will that be enough for them to see no point of staying in my room? Or will they come in my room just to lay eggs even if there's no food? Just wanting to know cause I check atleast 10 times a day all over my room and I find none if any just 1 larva now.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm just freaking out, I can barley sleep.
submitted by kindafreakinout17 to pestcontrol [link] [comments]
Are they crawling on me while I sleep? I have seen sources that say yes the larva and beetles do crawl on you, I've heard that the larva don't really go into your bed but it might be more common for the adult ones to kinda move across it, I've heard sources that say they come into your bed and eat your hair while you sleep, now keep in mind these are banded carpet beetles brown/black with a tan like stripe in the middle. There's no crumbs in my bed or on my floor really so there wouldn't be much reason for them to come up here but I wanna be sure, I've talked to some professionals that say that in 10+ years they have only ever seen it once or twice in a bed so that made me feel slightly better, but just wanna know if it really is super common and happens everytime I go to sleep or if it's kinda a rare once and a blue moon thing
If I keep my room clean and vaccume a couple times a week will that be enough for them to see no point of staying in my room? Or will they come in my room just to lay eggs even if there's no food? Just wanting to know cause I check atleast 10 times a day all over my room and I find none if any just 1 larva now.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm just freaking out, I can barley sleep.
2024.06.09 17:40 kindafreakinout17 Recently discovered carpet beetles, now I'm freaking out
Basically as it says as soon as I found out what they were and that I had them I started freaking out, I deep cleaned my whole room for a couple days and in that time I'd day I killed about 10 fully grown and a few larva, it's been a bit now and I check everyday I can't find any except for the 1 larva in the corner sometimes, I was just wondering if anyone could answer some of my questions? The things I mainly know is that they are in about 90% of homes so there's really no getting rid of them permanently without professional intervention what for me isn't really possible, I've been looking Into getting some de for around the corners of my room and the edge of my bed, my main concerns are
Are they crawling on me while I sleep? I have seen sources that say yes the larva and beetles do crawl on you, I've heard that the larva don't really go into your bed but it might be more common for the adult ones to kinda move across it, I've heard sources that say they come into your bed and eat your hair while you sleep, now keep in mind these are banded carpet beetles brown/black with a tan like stripe in the middle. There's no crumbs in my bed or on my floor really so there wouldn't be much reason for them to come up here but I wanna be sure, I've talked to some professionals that say that in 10+ years they have only ever seen it once or twice in a bed so that made me feel slightly better, but just wanna know if it really is super common and happens everytime I go to sleep or if it's kinda a rare once and a blue moon thing
If I keep my room clean and vaccume a couple times a week will that be enough for them to see no point of staying in my room? Or will they come in my room just to lay eggs even if there's no food? Just wanting to know cause I check atleast 10 times a day all over my room and I find none if any just 1 larva now.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm just freaking out, I can barley sleep.
submitted by kindafreakinout17 to carpetbeetles [link] [comments]
Are they crawling on me while I sleep? I have seen sources that say yes the larva and beetles do crawl on you, I've heard that the larva don't really go into your bed but it might be more common for the adult ones to kinda move across it, I've heard sources that say they come into your bed and eat your hair while you sleep, now keep in mind these are banded carpet beetles brown/black with a tan like stripe in the middle. There's no crumbs in my bed or on my floor really so there wouldn't be much reason for them to come up here but I wanna be sure, I've talked to some professionals that say that in 10+ years they have only ever seen it once or twice in a bed so that made me feel slightly better, but just wanna know if it really is super common and happens everytime I go to sleep or if it's kinda a rare once and a blue moon thing
If I keep my room clean and vaccume a couple times a week will that be enough for them to see no point of staying in my room? Or will they come in my room just to lay eggs even if there's no food? Just wanting to know cause I check atleast 10 times a day all over my room and I find none if any just 1 larva now.
Sorry for the long post, but I'm just freaking out, I can barley sleep.
2024.06.09 16:39 Ok_Wolf8950 I just want to sleep in on Sundays (Very Long)
I want to know if I’m justified in being upset or if I am truly being a jerk. I, 33F, have been married to my wife, 33F, for 11 years. I love my wife; I do, but I am so upset and feel like I’m underappreciated. This needs background. I'm sorry for the technical details, but it’s how my brain processes and I believe it is necessary.
I want to preface this by saying that I am nowhere near perfect and have my issues and trauma that I know can make me a little difficult to deal with. I have a lot to work on myself, and I try my best to see my faults and mitigate them before they burden her and others.
Okay, details:
I have a labor-intensive job. I am in middle management now, so I work on the computer a lot, but I also go on the floor to keep my skills sharp and keep in touch with my crew. Computer work is mentally draining as opposed to physically draining, but I also get physically drained. I work 40+ hours a week. My job pays all the bills, living expenses, savings, 401K/retirement and health insurance.
My wife works from home. She has her own business that she loves. She sets her hours, can wake up when she wants, works when she feels like it, and is only bound by the constraints of her own time. (I admit, I’m jealous). Her take-home varies. On a good month, 1/3 of my income. She used to have a “regular” job, but it gave her so much anxiety she was miserable, and we were fine to support ourselves, so she quit and went into her business. I have zero issues when it comes to money. Relationships are partnerships, and I long agreed that I was fine doing the bulk of the money-making labor. I have more of a constitution for these things. I would rather have her be happy than have some extra cash.
We have 3 dogs and no children. Our house is small and doesn’t require much daily up-keep. We have a backyard that the dogs run around in all day; no need to do extra walks unless you want to (really, the backyard is huge). I cook dinner 2-3 times per week. I do the dishes and clean up 2-3 times a week. I do the laundry every other week (it only needs to be done once a week). We do takeaway 1-2 times a week and have at least 1 “do whatever” dinner per week. Obviously, this varies. I don’t mind this. I am an adult; I should do all these things to care for myself and my house. This is called being an adult. I grew up in a house where both parents had 2 jobs; I’ve been cooking and cleaning with my siblings since I can remember.
My Mon-Fri schedule:
4am -Wake up with the dogs
5am – work out (I have to work out for my job, IYKYK), feed the dogs
6am – go to work (work starts at 7am) after letting the dogs back in the bedroom, or they’ll bark all morning and wake up my wife
4pm - off work
430- 5pm – Home
5-530pm – Tues & Thur walk the dogs, M-W-F projects or relax
6pm – Free time (630pm – cook on my days)
7pm – eat dinnerelax
745 pm – prep for my morning (set up coffee, pack lunch, etc.)
8pm – bedtime
Additionally, I am in my Master’s program. During the fall and spring, I do homework or study. This summer, I am studying to take tests to advance my career and working on writing projects in hopes of one day being an author.
Saturday and Sunday are my off days. I wake up on Saturday when the dogs wake up naturally, get them out of the room, outside, fed, and relax on the couch. They are good dogs, mostly chill. I drink coffee and do my writing projects or study for school if needed. Sat, I usually get things done around the house: home improvement, my personal projects, mowing the lawn, cleaning, and fixing anything that needs fixing. There is usually about 5-6 hrs of labor on Saturdays. Sundays, I try my best just to chill.
My wife already has her degree, so she doesn’t go to school and doesn’t know what she wants to do in life, so she doesn’t go after a higher degree even though it would be extremely low cost due to my job offsetting tuition for her (and school is almost free for me). She has hobbies that she loves and creates things for herself, her family and me, which I appreciate. She enjoys baking, which I benefit from. But mainly, and this makes me sound like an ass, she just kind of bee-bops around, hanging out. Her anxiety keeps her from having a job outside the house, keeps her from attacking her business full steam, and keeps her from figuring out what she wants to do for school or life in general. She has mental health care, and she is better than she used to be. I am so proud of her progress. But even the projects she creates for herself, like gardening, she doesn’t attack with gusto. She doesn’t have to garden; she chooses to, and yet the plants are going to shit because she doesn’t go out to weed the garden and prep for planting season. I don't care, I do, but I don't because none of it is necessary. She has the ability to do literally whatever she wants.
Anyway, here’s my current issue:
The dogs sleep in the room, next to my wife’s side of the bed. They sleep all night and hardly ever wake up; they are good dogs. But they do get up around 5-6am on Saturdays, because their natural routine is to wake up with me at 4am M-F. To wake us up, they scratch on the gate that separates their area from the bed and prevents them from jumping on the bed. I’m a light sleeper; they can’t sleep on the bed, or I’ll wake up. On the weekends, I hear them scratching, and I wake up, and my wife stays asleep. I am vigilant about waking up because I don’t want them to suffer needing to go pee, or accidentally pee, or if they are sick and need to puke. I love my dogs; I do my best to care for them. My wife loves them equally, but I don’t think she shares in their morning care equally. Once I’m awake, I’m awake; there’s no going back to sleep for me. I wake up 6 days a week, and she wakes up maybe 1 because even on Sundays, I usually wake up from them scratching, even though she’s right next to them. If I hear them, I’m up. I can’t just wake her up and say, “Hey, the dogs,” because now I’m awake.
If she wakes up early, she’s miserable. She complains for the 30 minutes it takes to get them fed and settled, then she goes right back to sleep on the couch. On the occasion I don’t wake up on a Sunday, I’ll come out of the room around 8-9am, and she’ll be asleep, having been asleep since she took care of the dogs. Then, she’ll take a nap in the middle of the day. (I rarely nap, my issues, not hers.)
Last night, one of our dogs got hot and wanted out of the room; I woke up at 1am and opened the door. We’ve been concerned about the girl dog, so I checked she was okay and laid back down. My wife woke to ensure everything was fine but instantly went back to sleep. I know this because it famously takes me an hour to get back to sleep if I wake up crazy early. Then the dog we worried about cried out loudly (she must have turned wrong in her bed and hit something), so I sprang up to ensure she was okay. This was probably 3am. My wife (who didn’t hear it, only heard me say my dog's name) woke up, checked she was fine, then immediately went back to sleep. Then, of course, 515am rolls around, and the dogs are scratching to get out; they are fully awake. Who has to get up? Me.
I just want one freaking morning to sleep consistently. I want Sunday to rest in my bed and not have to wake up. That’s it! I want to sleep. I understand that my schedule is my schedule; I choose what I do, but I do it to better my life and hers. I work hard all day. I work hard to ensure a good future and keep earning good money. I pursue my passions on the side. I take care of the house, and I fix everything because she “doesn’t know how to do that stuff.” I do all the outside chores; I set up everything for summer, then again for winter, then again for summer, over and over, every year, year after year after year. I go to work day after day after day. I come home, and I do as much as I can. I just want to sleep on Sundays. I've expressed this before, and it'll get better for a month, then return to the same thing.
Set an alarm! Do something! She knows I hate it! She should think that I deserve sleep and actively do something to make sure I get it. It's one day! I keep the dogs quiet M-F in the morning. I actively make sure they don’t disturb her, and I made sure that when they go back in the room at 6am that it doesn’t bother her. She doesn't get out of bed Mon-Fri until 8 or 9am. I know because I see the notification for the backdoor being opened while I'm at work. She doesn't have to get up on Saturdays until 9 or 10am and gets to wake up naturally. Just SET AN ALARM ON SUNDAY. Why would you not think, damn, my wife works her ass off and falls asleep on the couch early most days cause she's so tired? How about I set an alarm on Sunday for 5am so she can get some sleep since she has to go to work Monday! Just something! Please!
submitted by Ok_Wolf8950 to relationshiprant [link] [comments]
I want to preface this by saying that I am nowhere near perfect and have my issues and trauma that I know can make me a little difficult to deal with. I have a lot to work on myself, and I try my best to see my faults and mitigate them before they burden her and others.
Okay, details:
I have a labor-intensive job. I am in middle management now, so I work on the computer a lot, but I also go on the floor to keep my skills sharp and keep in touch with my crew. Computer work is mentally draining as opposed to physically draining, but I also get physically drained. I work 40+ hours a week. My job pays all the bills, living expenses, savings, 401K/retirement and health insurance.
My wife works from home. She has her own business that she loves. She sets her hours, can wake up when she wants, works when she feels like it, and is only bound by the constraints of her own time. (I admit, I’m jealous). Her take-home varies. On a good month, 1/3 of my income. She used to have a “regular” job, but it gave her so much anxiety she was miserable, and we were fine to support ourselves, so she quit and went into her business. I have zero issues when it comes to money. Relationships are partnerships, and I long agreed that I was fine doing the bulk of the money-making labor. I have more of a constitution for these things. I would rather have her be happy than have some extra cash.
We have 3 dogs and no children. Our house is small and doesn’t require much daily up-keep. We have a backyard that the dogs run around in all day; no need to do extra walks unless you want to (really, the backyard is huge). I cook dinner 2-3 times per week. I do the dishes and clean up 2-3 times a week. I do the laundry every other week (it only needs to be done once a week). We do takeaway 1-2 times a week and have at least 1 “do whatever” dinner per week. Obviously, this varies. I don’t mind this. I am an adult; I should do all these things to care for myself and my house. This is called being an adult. I grew up in a house where both parents had 2 jobs; I’ve been cooking and cleaning with my siblings since I can remember.
My Mon-Fri schedule:
4am -Wake up with the dogs
5am – work out (I have to work out for my job, IYKYK), feed the dogs
6am – go to work (work starts at 7am) after letting the dogs back in the bedroom, or they’ll bark all morning and wake up my wife
4pm - off work
430- 5pm – Home
5-530pm – Tues & Thur walk the dogs, M-W-F projects or relax
6pm – Free time (630pm – cook on my days)
7pm – eat dinnerelax
745 pm – prep for my morning (set up coffee, pack lunch, etc.)
8pm – bedtime
Additionally, I am in my Master’s program. During the fall and spring, I do homework or study. This summer, I am studying to take tests to advance my career and working on writing projects in hopes of one day being an author.
Saturday and Sunday are my off days. I wake up on Saturday when the dogs wake up naturally, get them out of the room, outside, fed, and relax on the couch. They are good dogs, mostly chill. I drink coffee and do my writing projects or study for school if needed. Sat, I usually get things done around the house: home improvement, my personal projects, mowing the lawn, cleaning, and fixing anything that needs fixing. There is usually about 5-6 hrs of labor on Saturdays. Sundays, I try my best just to chill.
My wife already has her degree, so she doesn’t go to school and doesn’t know what she wants to do in life, so she doesn’t go after a higher degree even though it would be extremely low cost due to my job offsetting tuition for her (and school is almost free for me). She has hobbies that she loves and creates things for herself, her family and me, which I appreciate. She enjoys baking, which I benefit from. But mainly, and this makes me sound like an ass, she just kind of bee-bops around, hanging out. Her anxiety keeps her from having a job outside the house, keeps her from attacking her business full steam, and keeps her from figuring out what she wants to do for school or life in general. She has mental health care, and she is better than she used to be. I am so proud of her progress. But even the projects she creates for herself, like gardening, she doesn’t attack with gusto. She doesn’t have to garden; she chooses to, and yet the plants are going to shit because she doesn’t go out to weed the garden and prep for planting season. I don't care, I do, but I don't because none of it is necessary. She has the ability to do literally whatever she wants.
Anyway, here’s my current issue:
The dogs sleep in the room, next to my wife’s side of the bed. They sleep all night and hardly ever wake up; they are good dogs. But they do get up around 5-6am on Saturdays, because their natural routine is to wake up with me at 4am M-F. To wake us up, they scratch on the gate that separates their area from the bed and prevents them from jumping on the bed. I’m a light sleeper; they can’t sleep on the bed, or I’ll wake up. On the weekends, I hear them scratching, and I wake up, and my wife stays asleep. I am vigilant about waking up because I don’t want them to suffer needing to go pee, or accidentally pee, or if they are sick and need to puke. I love my dogs; I do my best to care for them. My wife loves them equally, but I don’t think she shares in their morning care equally. Once I’m awake, I’m awake; there’s no going back to sleep for me. I wake up 6 days a week, and she wakes up maybe 1 because even on Sundays, I usually wake up from them scratching, even though she’s right next to them. If I hear them, I’m up. I can’t just wake her up and say, “Hey, the dogs,” because now I’m awake.
If she wakes up early, she’s miserable. She complains for the 30 minutes it takes to get them fed and settled, then she goes right back to sleep on the couch. On the occasion I don’t wake up on a Sunday, I’ll come out of the room around 8-9am, and she’ll be asleep, having been asleep since she took care of the dogs. Then, she’ll take a nap in the middle of the day. (I rarely nap, my issues, not hers.)
Last night, one of our dogs got hot and wanted out of the room; I woke up at 1am and opened the door. We’ve been concerned about the girl dog, so I checked she was okay and laid back down. My wife woke to ensure everything was fine but instantly went back to sleep. I know this because it famously takes me an hour to get back to sleep if I wake up crazy early. Then the dog we worried about cried out loudly (she must have turned wrong in her bed and hit something), so I sprang up to ensure she was okay. This was probably 3am. My wife (who didn’t hear it, only heard me say my dog's name) woke up, checked she was fine, then immediately went back to sleep. Then, of course, 515am rolls around, and the dogs are scratching to get out; they are fully awake. Who has to get up? Me.
I just want one freaking morning to sleep consistently. I want Sunday to rest in my bed and not have to wake up. That’s it! I want to sleep. I understand that my schedule is my schedule; I choose what I do, but I do it to better my life and hers. I work hard all day. I work hard to ensure a good future and keep earning good money. I pursue my passions on the side. I take care of the house, and I fix everything because she “doesn’t know how to do that stuff.” I do all the outside chores; I set up everything for summer, then again for winter, then again for summer, over and over, every year, year after year after year. I go to work day after day after day. I come home, and I do as much as I can. I just want to sleep on Sundays. I've expressed this before, and it'll get better for a month, then return to the same thing.
Set an alarm! Do something! She knows I hate it! She should think that I deserve sleep and actively do something to make sure I get it. It's one day! I keep the dogs quiet M-F in the morning. I actively make sure they don’t disturb her, and I made sure that when they go back in the room at 6am that it doesn’t bother her. She doesn't get out of bed Mon-Fri until 8 or 9am. I know because I see the notification for the backdoor being opened while I'm at work. She doesn't have to get up on Saturdays until 9 or 10am and gets to wake up naturally. Just SET AN ALARM ON SUNDAY. Why would you not think, damn, my wife works her ass off and falls asleep on the couch early most days cause she's so tired? How about I set an alarm on Sunday for 5am so she can get some sleep since she has to go to work Monday! Just something! Please!
2024.06.09 16:06 AngelFire01 Why is my doctor so negative?!
I started seeing a new ob/gyn a little over a month ago, an older doc that has been in his field 30+years, and I've heard nothing but great things about him. At first I absolutely loved him. My first appointment was supposed to be a general first appointment, fill out history, etc, my annual exam, and I wanted to discuss fertility issues with him. His nurse came in, asked a few basic questions, and I told her that, unfortunately dear Aunt Flo showed up a little early the night before. She said they would reschedule my exam so that we didn't risk getting abnormal results due to my period. She asked if I wanted to discuss anything specific with him since I was there. I told her about the fertility questions, and she said she'd let him know.
As soon as he came in the room he put me at ease. He just kinda flopped onto his little stool, leaned against the bed (I was in the chair since we weren't doing an exam) and talked to me so casually, like two old friends just catching up and having a conversation. I told him I had had a chemical pregnancy back in October (and a horrific experience with it with a different hospital) and my partner and I had been trying to conceive since with no luck. We wanted to explore testing to see if there was something wrong/something we could do to increase our odds. I just turned 40 in December, and my partner honestly believes he was infertile (due to personal experiences, not medical testing). We have been together almost 2 years, never used protection, and only the one chemical pregnancy in that time. We went through options, he told me to go home and discuss it with my partner and let him know what we wanted to do when I came back in two weeks for my exam.
I went back, he again was amazing, just so calming since I was nervous about the exam. I know not all docs are created equal when it comes to their gentleness. I barely felt anything. I told him we were willing to do whatever he recommended, since he was the professional. He immediately sent me down the hall for an ultrasound to check me out and scheduled a 21 day progesterone test for me and a semen analysis for my partner. I was scheduled for my follow up a couple of weeks later. During that time I realized my cycle was late. I took a home test the day before my appointment and it came up positive. I told them the next day, his nurse did a test in office to confirm, it also came up positive. He came in, made a joke about scaring my body into doing what we wanted, we laughed, and he scheduled some blood work and a follow up in a week to check my hormone levels. They called me two days later (Thursday) to tell me my progesterone levels were borderline too low, so they started me on a supplement to boost them. They also scheduled my first ultrasound for the day before my next appointment based on my hcg levels.
Sunday night I was at work and started spotting. I immediately freaked out when I saw blood, due to the chemical pregnancy in October. I notified my boss, she sent me home and told me to go get checked out. My partner and I went to the ER at a local women's and children's hospital I knew was open (and amazing). They checked my hormone levels and did an ultrasound. They told me everything looked great and put me at 5w2d, explained that the spotting was most likely implantation bleeding.
Thursday we had our scheduled ultrasound at a different hospital, the hospital my doctor uses. Again, the tech said everything looked great, we were right on track. According to the paperwork they placed me at 6w +/-4 days.
Friday I went in to see my doc for results. He came in, "Well, I don't have great news... I'm not trying to scare you, I just want to prepare you just in case. It may have just been too early, but there was no sign of cardiac activity during your scan.". As he walked me out of his office he patted me on the shoulder, said he was sorry, and to call them or go to the emergency room if I started bleeding or having severe pain, like he thought it was inevitable I would miscarry. He scheduled me for another ultrasound on Tuesday, as well as more blood work, and a follow up again the following Friday for those results. It was an AGONIZING 4 days waiting for that next scan. I cried so much, and kept trying to stop stressing because stress is bad for baby, but OMG. Thank God for an amazing partner and a super supportive circle. Tuesday finally gets there, my partner and I go back in for our scan. Again the tech is wonderful and tells me everything looks great. She measures at 6w1d. I tell her why we're there, she quickly (and easily) finds baby's heartbeat and shows us that it's there, beating at a steady 125.
I go back to my Dr. Friday, his nurse informed me that apparently my hormone levels weren't as great as he would have liked the week before, which was why he was concerned (but he told me they were good), but that they looked better this week, I had jumped from 1257 to 20k. He finally comes in, says, "well, it's better news this week. We have a heartbeat, and your hormones levels are in the ballpark of where they need to be, so just keep taking your meds, and keep the candles burning." (I assume a reference to Catholic faith of lighting candles for prayers.) After my appointment my partner researched levels of HCG at the different weeks. The range for 6weeks is anywhere from 1100 to 56k. I'm right in the middle of that.
I get trying to be cautious and not telling me I'm going to be fine just in case, because obviously no one knows, and I'm still early (7w tomorrow now). But DAMN dude, you added SO MUCH stress to my life last weekend and you're still acting like you're just waiting for me to lose this baby. I need more positivity in my journey, not a Negative Nancy.
Sorry for the long rant, just needed to vent. I should include that his entire staff has been nothing short of wonderful and caring though.
submitted by AngelFire01 to pregnant [link] [comments]
As soon as he came in the room he put me at ease. He just kinda flopped onto his little stool, leaned against the bed (I was in the chair since we weren't doing an exam) and talked to me so casually, like two old friends just catching up and having a conversation. I told him I had had a chemical pregnancy back in October (and a horrific experience with it with a different hospital) and my partner and I had been trying to conceive since with no luck. We wanted to explore testing to see if there was something wrong/something we could do to increase our odds. I just turned 40 in December, and my partner honestly believes he was infertile (due to personal experiences, not medical testing). We have been together almost 2 years, never used protection, and only the one chemical pregnancy in that time. We went through options, he told me to go home and discuss it with my partner and let him know what we wanted to do when I came back in two weeks for my exam.
I went back, he again was amazing, just so calming since I was nervous about the exam. I know not all docs are created equal when it comes to their gentleness. I barely felt anything. I told him we were willing to do whatever he recommended, since he was the professional. He immediately sent me down the hall for an ultrasound to check me out and scheduled a 21 day progesterone test for me and a semen analysis for my partner. I was scheduled for my follow up a couple of weeks later. During that time I realized my cycle was late. I took a home test the day before my appointment and it came up positive. I told them the next day, his nurse did a test in office to confirm, it also came up positive. He came in, made a joke about scaring my body into doing what we wanted, we laughed, and he scheduled some blood work and a follow up in a week to check my hormone levels. They called me two days later (Thursday) to tell me my progesterone levels were borderline too low, so they started me on a supplement to boost them. They also scheduled my first ultrasound for the day before my next appointment based on my hcg levels.
Sunday night I was at work and started spotting. I immediately freaked out when I saw blood, due to the chemical pregnancy in October. I notified my boss, she sent me home and told me to go get checked out. My partner and I went to the ER at a local women's and children's hospital I knew was open (and amazing). They checked my hormone levels and did an ultrasound. They told me everything looked great and put me at 5w2d, explained that the spotting was most likely implantation bleeding.
Thursday we had our scheduled ultrasound at a different hospital, the hospital my doctor uses. Again, the tech said everything looked great, we were right on track. According to the paperwork they placed me at 6w +/-4 days.
Friday I went in to see my doc for results. He came in, "Well, I don't have great news... I'm not trying to scare you, I just want to prepare you just in case. It may have just been too early, but there was no sign of cardiac activity during your scan.". As he walked me out of his office he patted me on the shoulder, said he was sorry, and to call them or go to the emergency room if I started bleeding or having severe pain, like he thought it was inevitable I would miscarry. He scheduled me for another ultrasound on Tuesday, as well as more blood work, and a follow up again the following Friday for those results. It was an AGONIZING 4 days waiting for that next scan. I cried so much, and kept trying to stop stressing because stress is bad for baby, but OMG. Thank God for an amazing partner and a super supportive circle. Tuesday finally gets there, my partner and I go back in for our scan. Again the tech is wonderful and tells me everything looks great. She measures at 6w1d. I tell her why we're there, she quickly (and easily) finds baby's heartbeat and shows us that it's there, beating at a steady 125.
I go back to my Dr. Friday, his nurse informed me that apparently my hormone levels weren't as great as he would have liked the week before, which was why he was concerned (but he told me they were good), but that they looked better this week, I had jumped from 1257 to 20k. He finally comes in, says, "well, it's better news this week. We have a heartbeat, and your hormones levels are in the ballpark of where they need to be, so just keep taking your meds, and keep the candles burning." (I assume a reference to Catholic faith of lighting candles for prayers.) After my appointment my partner researched levels of HCG at the different weeks. The range for 6weeks is anywhere from 1100 to 56k. I'm right in the middle of that.
I get trying to be cautious and not telling me I'm going to be fine just in case, because obviously no one knows, and I'm still early (7w tomorrow now). But DAMN dude, you added SO MUCH stress to my life last weekend and you're still acting like you're just waiting for me to lose this baby. I need more positivity in my journey, not a Negative Nancy.
Sorry for the long rant, just needed to vent. I should include that his entire staff has been nothing short of wonderful and caring though.
2024.06.09 15:26 Quintasai At a crossroads
Hi all. Long time listener, first time caller. On mobile so sorry for whatever that causes that I see other people frequently apologize for. Formatting?
This is going to be a lot long, apologies in advance. I have suffered from PTSD/CPTSD, GAD, and treatment resistant major depressive disorder for most of my teenage and adult life, or at least that's what the diagnoses are. I'm 34, bio female.
I lived a rough home life and moved out at 16, was homeless for a while at 17. This is just to say that I did have bad things going on, so the problems were not completely internal. But then I got a place and a job and my boyfriend at the time eventually stopped being physically abusive (not making any excuses, he was a bag of shit), but my life was going relatively smoothly at the moment, though still a bunch of unresolved trauma of course. Then thing kept getting worse mentally. Quit my job, went on disability, lost the ability to leave the house, and then after six months almost bed bound and two weeks of non stop crying I started my first antidepressant. Back story over, I promise.
I started with mirtazapine which worked wonders at the beginning. It gradually lost its effect, raised the dose until we couldn't anymore. Tried escitalopram and serroquil, couldn't handle the immediate side effects and didn't wait the weeks to let the meds start to work. For info escitalopram made the physical symptoms of anxiety go into overdrive (mostly racing heart) and serroquil made me unspeakably angry. I'd try escitalopram again, I feel at the time I didn't have the recreational drug experience to just ride it out. I do now.
Stayed on mirtazapine for over ten years, it clearly wasn't doing anything for me though. Was just afraid to stop or try something new. Spent a few years self medicating with coke and mdma while holding a job that I loved and was literally living my best life, and I was so functional! My job was abnormal and let me work when I could, I knew I still couldn't handle 9-5 5/7, but I was happy. In this time I'd also tried a lot of therapy.
Some time before the pandemic I stopped using recreational drugs, and then my work closed because pandemic. I started to really slip back down. My partner (at the time and now) had also done some retraumatizing due to his coke addiction (why we both stopped, he was never abusive, just lied about stuff, and is the most amazing partner now). I started Zoloft. The first day I felt like I had taken a bunch of M, spent half the day freaking out until reddit told me I wasn't alone. Zoloft worked wonders for me. Until after about a year, and it stopped.
Since then, we've tried abilify as an addition to the Zoloft (also really helped at first, then stopped). Keeping the abilify, I have also tried wellbutrin (did nothing, not even a side effect), Prozac (was effing allergic, boo), citalopram, and just tapered off citalopram and started Effexor. Also got rid of the abilify about a month ago because I couldn't afford it and I didn't feel it was doing much, and I'm not missing it. Taper from both citalopram and abilify was very manageable.
This whole time I've also had lorazepam to manage anxiety emergencies, and it has always been extremely useful when I need it.
I have also spent the last few years trying to get an adhd diagnosis, to limited avail. My psychiatrist finally gave in, told me I'd "jumped through enough hoops", and I started Adderall over two months ago. It has allowed me, for the most part, to get my shit done without feeling overwhelmed and shutting down.
Now here are my thoughts/questions (finally, I am so sorry). Except for the brief periods when I started mirtazapine and then later Zoloft, I have felt this background glumness that pervades everything. I think it's emotional bunting, except I am fully capable of feeling bad things if I'm drunk. I'm also tired of the weight gain and sexual dysfunction. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with antidepressants (I once thought I'd be on them forever). I no longer know where my baseline mental health is and what are actually constant side effects/withdrawal from ssris/snris. I tried a couple years ago to wait a month on nothing between Zoloft and wellbutrin (my doctor made me keep the abilify) and it got really bad. But the withdrawal from Zoloft was so bad (brain zaps, intense paranoia, SI, intense moods) that I feel like I didn't get past that hump. And now with the Effexor, I slept in the other day and took my pill 5 hours late and was a mess all day with vertigo and really low mood. I'm tired of the mental and physical toll antidepressants have taken on me.
Now that I have the Adderall and can function, I'm wondering how much of my depression/anxiety was coming from just not being able to get through my regular responsibilities and self care without drowning. I can do these things now, and I havey lorazepam for anxiety/PTSD emergencies.
I have an appointment with my doctor next week where I plan to discuss all of this but, what do you guys think. Is there a chance the antidepressants have just been making me worse? I clearly have trauma but could untreated ADHD have caused a lot of the major depressive symptoms? Is it worth it to try to stop them altogether (I'm on the min dose of Effexor as of two weeks ago, no abilify) and just keep going with the Adderall. Is it possible to stop them completely but maybe go back on them for shorter periods if I'm having an MDD episode? Hell is it worth it to just quit antidepressants and just do MDMA a few times a year (I used to get great stuff and never crashed after, always felt great for days after a roll). Have any of you ever been in a similar situation and can share your experience so I feel less alone? I feel like I'm doomed to cycle through antidepressants forever and never really be happy and just have to keep going through withdrawals plus side effects when one stops working and I have to start another. But I'm scared that things could get really bad again if I stop. I run a business with my partner now and we are losing our one employee so it'll just be us and I'm afraid I'll screw our livelihood with an extended episode. I just don't know what to do. If you have any advice, any meds I haven't tried that you feel are worth a shot given my history, any therapies I haven't tried, any hopeful stories, or tales of caution, anything, I feel lost.
For what it's worth, for therapy I've done CBT (didn't finish) DBT (super helpful) and extensive talk and trauma therapy. Still have a therapist but can only see her once a month due to finances. I have a great relationship, great home, great job, dogs, cats, my life on paper is amazing. I'd really like to know that beyond objectively.
I also drink moderately, no weed, went through a phase with shrooms (microdosing and larger doses), not against doing them again, no other drugs at all, not even caffeine.
I'm so sorry that this has been so long, I didn't know how else to do it. If you've made it this far I can't thank you enough for taking the time and energy to try to help or sympathize with a complete stranger, you are an absolute gem.
submitted by Quintasai to antidepressants [link] [comments]
This is going to be a lot long, apologies in advance. I have suffered from PTSD/CPTSD, GAD, and treatment resistant major depressive disorder for most of my teenage and adult life, or at least that's what the diagnoses are. I'm 34, bio female.
I lived a rough home life and moved out at 16, was homeless for a while at 17. This is just to say that I did have bad things going on, so the problems were not completely internal. But then I got a place and a job and my boyfriend at the time eventually stopped being physically abusive (not making any excuses, he was a bag of shit), but my life was going relatively smoothly at the moment, though still a bunch of unresolved trauma of course. Then thing kept getting worse mentally. Quit my job, went on disability, lost the ability to leave the house, and then after six months almost bed bound and two weeks of non stop crying I started my first antidepressant. Back story over, I promise.
I started with mirtazapine which worked wonders at the beginning. It gradually lost its effect, raised the dose until we couldn't anymore. Tried escitalopram and serroquil, couldn't handle the immediate side effects and didn't wait the weeks to let the meds start to work. For info escitalopram made the physical symptoms of anxiety go into overdrive (mostly racing heart) and serroquil made me unspeakably angry. I'd try escitalopram again, I feel at the time I didn't have the recreational drug experience to just ride it out. I do now.
Stayed on mirtazapine for over ten years, it clearly wasn't doing anything for me though. Was just afraid to stop or try something new. Spent a few years self medicating with coke and mdma while holding a job that I loved and was literally living my best life, and I was so functional! My job was abnormal and let me work when I could, I knew I still couldn't handle 9-5 5/7, but I was happy. In this time I'd also tried a lot of therapy.
Some time before the pandemic I stopped using recreational drugs, and then my work closed because pandemic. I started to really slip back down. My partner (at the time and now) had also done some retraumatizing due to his coke addiction (why we both stopped, he was never abusive, just lied about stuff, and is the most amazing partner now). I started Zoloft. The first day I felt like I had taken a bunch of M, spent half the day freaking out until reddit told me I wasn't alone. Zoloft worked wonders for me. Until after about a year, and it stopped.
Since then, we've tried abilify as an addition to the Zoloft (also really helped at first, then stopped). Keeping the abilify, I have also tried wellbutrin (did nothing, not even a side effect), Prozac (was effing allergic, boo), citalopram, and just tapered off citalopram and started Effexor. Also got rid of the abilify about a month ago because I couldn't afford it and I didn't feel it was doing much, and I'm not missing it. Taper from both citalopram and abilify was very manageable.
This whole time I've also had lorazepam to manage anxiety emergencies, and it has always been extremely useful when I need it.
I have also spent the last few years trying to get an adhd diagnosis, to limited avail. My psychiatrist finally gave in, told me I'd "jumped through enough hoops", and I started Adderall over two months ago. It has allowed me, for the most part, to get my shit done without feeling overwhelmed and shutting down.
Now here are my thoughts/questions (finally, I am so sorry). Except for the brief periods when I started mirtazapine and then later Zoloft, I have felt this background glumness that pervades everything. I think it's emotional bunting, except I am fully capable of feeling bad things if I'm drunk. I'm also tired of the weight gain and sexual dysfunction. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with antidepressants (I once thought I'd be on them forever). I no longer know where my baseline mental health is and what are actually constant side effects/withdrawal from ssris/snris. I tried a couple years ago to wait a month on nothing between Zoloft and wellbutrin (my doctor made me keep the abilify) and it got really bad. But the withdrawal from Zoloft was so bad (brain zaps, intense paranoia, SI, intense moods) that I feel like I didn't get past that hump. And now with the Effexor, I slept in the other day and took my pill 5 hours late and was a mess all day with vertigo and really low mood. I'm tired of the mental and physical toll antidepressants have taken on me.
Now that I have the Adderall and can function, I'm wondering how much of my depression/anxiety was coming from just not being able to get through my regular responsibilities and self care without drowning. I can do these things now, and I havey lorazepam for anxiety/PTSD emergencies.
I have an appointment with my doctor next week where I plan to discuss all of this but, what do you guys think. Is there a chance the antidepressants have just been making me worse? I clearly have trauma but could untreated ADHD have caused a lot of the major depressive symptoms? Is it worth it to try to stop them altogether (I'm on the min dose of Effexor as of two weeks ago, no abilify) and just keep going with the Adderall. Is it possible to stop them completely but maybe go back on them for shorter periods if I'm having an MDD episode? Hell is it worth it to just quit antidepressants and just do MDMA a few times a year (I used to get great stuff and never crashed after, always felt great for days after a roll). Have any of you ever been in a similar situation and can share your experience so I feel less alone? I feel like I'm doomed to cycle through antidepressants forever and never really be happy and just have to keep going through withdrawals plus side effects when one stops working and I have to start another. But I'm scared that things could get really bad again if I stop. I run a business with my partner now and we are losing our one employee so it'll just be us and I'm afraid I'll screw our livelihood with an extended episode. I just don't know what to do. If you have any advice, any meds I haven't tried that you feel are worth a shot given my history, any therapies I haven't tried, any hopeful stories, or tales of caution, anything, I feel lost.
For what it's worth, for therapy I've done CBT (didn't finish) DBT (super helpful) and extensive talk and trauma therapy. Still have a therapist but can only see her once a month due to finances. I have a great relationship, great home, great job, dogs, cats, my life on paper is amazing. I'd really like to know that beyond objectively.
I also drink moderately, no weed, went through a phase with shrooms (microdosing and larger doses), not against doing them again, no other drugs at all, not even caffeine.
I'm so sorry that this has been so long, I didn't know how else to do it. If you've made it this far I can't thank you enough for taking the time and energy to try to help or sympathize with a complete stranger, you are an absolute gem.
2024.06.09 14:50 Direct-Caterpillar77 My boyfriend [32M] of 8 months tried to surprise me [30F] with a pet octopus. I freaked out at him, now he's not speaking to me
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/NopetopusTA
My boyfriend [32M] of 8 months tried to surprise me [30F] with a pet octopus. I freaked out at him, now he's not speaking to me.
Originally posted to relationships
Original Post - rareddit Jan 10, 2018
I [30F] used to be a marine biologist who worked in an aquarium. But it's a very mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing job, and I burnt out after about five years. I work an office job now, which I like a lot better in about a million different ways. I sometimes miss taking care of the animals, but it was not worth all the other bullshit that came with it.
Cephalopods were my favorite animals to take care of, octopuses in particular.
My boyfriend [32F, dating for 8 months] was out of town visiting family for Christmas/New Years, but he came back on Thursday. We met that night at my apartment to exchange Christmas presents.
My present was big. When I unwrapped it, I was shocked. It was a fish tank. 50 gallons, apparently. Along with a couple hang-on-back filters, a heater, a light to go on top, two bags of sea salt, and some kitschy tank decorations. And that's it.
Then my boyfriend exclaimed, “Surprise! I got you an octopus!" I asked him what he meant, and he explained to me that he bought me an octopus as a Christmas present, and it was being express shipped overnight to my apartment!
As soon as he told me, I started to panic. I literally stood there going like, "I -- I -- I --" like I was a fucking cartoon character. My boyfriend then said something like, "We better hurry up and put this tank together!" like it's a TV stand from IKEA and he ordered me a new flatscreen or something.
I just started rambling. I don't have any RO water, there's no protein skimmer, these filters aren't big enough, I don't have space for a tank this big, where are we going to mix fifty gallons of saltwater, the tank isn't cycled!! The tank isn't cycled!! That octopus is going to die once we put it in this tank!
I told him that he needs to cancel the order. He needs to call whoever he bought that octopus from and cancel it. My boyfriend said that he can't, he got confirmation that they already shipped it out.
At this point, I was starting to get hysterical. Someone needs to be at my place to pick up the package, it'll freeze outside if the delivery guy just leaves it by my front door! I don't have any food to feed the octopus! THE TANK ISN'T CYCLED!
My boyfriend was trying to calm me down, and I kept yelling at him, "What are we going to do? What are we going to do when it gets here?" And he said something like, "I dunno, I thought you'd be able to figure it out?"
I had to really dig deep inside myself to find that part of me that would keep me level headed in similar scary, time-sensitive situations from back in my aquarium days. My boyfriend just stood there awkwardly while I wracked my brain.
I suddenly realized I could take it to our local aquarium where I used to volunteer, way back when I was first trying be an aquarist. Most everyone I volunteered for was gone, but I still knew two people who worked there.
Neither phone number I still had in my cellphone for those two people worked anymore, but I was still friends with them on Facebook, so I PM'd both of them and prayed. My boyfriend was still standing around awkwardly, and I told him that if he wanted to leave, he could. So he did.
Fortunately, one of the aquarists I used to volunteer for (he’s the curator now!) responded within about an hour, and I explained the whole situation to him and asked if they could take the octopus. He said he wasn't sure, but to bring the octopus to the aquarium tomorrow after it shows up anyway. Worst case scenario, we might be able to move it into a new bag with clean water, throw in some new hand warmers, and overnight it back to where it came from.
I called into work and explained the whole situation to my boss and why I needed to stay home the next day, and because I am so very lucky, she was understandable and let me take Friday off.
Anyway! Long story short, the octopus showed up in the afternoon. I raced to the aquarium, met up with the other aquarist I used to volunteer for (the curator was in a meeting) and thank God, he said they had some space in quarantine for an octopus. So we open up the shipping box and pull out a bag with this...this utterly fucking adorable little octopus. He was probably only a foot long arm tip to arm tip, he was all white with big eyes (probably because the poor thing was scared out of his mind). Not gonna lie, for a second there I was like, “...maybe I could get that tank up and running and then come back to get him” -- but that is not realistically feasible for me right now.
Then we passed him off to the quarantine team, and I apologized a bunch, and said thank you a bunch, and then went home and took a serious nap because I did not sleep well the night before.
So all this went down on Friday. It is now Tuesday. I have not heard from my boyfriend since Friday afternoon, when I texted him what I had done. He just texted back, “OK, that’s good to hear.” On Saturday, I tried calling him a couple times, but my phone calls just went straight to voicemail. I texted him again, this time apologizing for freaking out and yelling at him, but also adding that hey, you get why I was kinda justified in doing so, right? (Whiiiiich maybe wasn’t the best way to apologize :/) I don’t feel like I overreacted (or did I?) and I wasn’t necessarily mad about getting the octopus as a gift, just...scared? If we didn’t get it out of the water it was shipped in and into a cycled tank, it would die in a couple hours and that was a huge reason I left aquarium work. I couldn’t handle when animals would die. It would fuck me up for days...I guess in some ways, it’s still kind of fucking me up, a little bit.
So what do I do now?
tl;dr: Boyfriend tried to surprise me with a pet octopus! Which I immediately turned over to proper caretakers because I am in no position to take care of one! And now my boyfriend isn't talking to me. I don't know what to do here?
EDIT: OMG this exploded. I gotta go to bed, y'all, but thanks for all the great advice and the, uh, gold, apparently? I probably won't have much time to respond to comments tomorrow, but I'll definitely be back with an update!
RELEVANT COMMENTS
On being scared where the BF ordered a live octopus from
I want to do this! I want to tell him all this! But he isn't answering any of my texts or phone calls. Do I just wait for him to respond or do I keep bugging him?
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofNoUpdates [link] [comments]
My boyfriend [32M] of 8 months tried to surprise me [30F] with a pet octopus. I freaked out at him, now he's not speaking to me.
Originally posted to relationships
Original Post - rareddit Jan 10, 2018
I [30F] used to be a marine biologist who worked in an aquarium. But it's a very mentally, physically, and emotionally taxing job, and I burnt out after about five years. I work an office job now, which I like a lot better in about a million different ways. I sometimes miss taking care of the animals, but it was not worth all the other bullshit that came with it.
Cephalopods were my favorite animals to take care of, octopuses in particular.
My boyfriend [32F, dating for 8 months] was out of town visiting family for Christmas/New Years, but he came back on Thursday. We met that night at my apartment to exchange Christmas presents.
My present was big. When I unwrapped it, I was shocked. It was a fish tank. 50 gallons, apparently. Along with a couple hang-on-back filters, a heater, a light to go on top, two bags of sea salt, and some kitschy tank decorations. And that's it.
Then my boyfriend exclaimed, “Surprise! I got you an octopus!" I asked him what he meant, and he explained to me that he bought me an octopus as a Christmas present, and it was being express shipped overnight to my apartment!
As soon as he told me, I started to panic. I literally stood there going like, "I -- I -- I --" like I was a fucking cartoon character. My boyfriend then said something like, "We better hurry up and put this tank together!" like it's a TV stand from IKEA and he ordered me a new flatscreen or something.
I just started rambling. I don't have any RO water, there's no protein skimmer, these filters aren't big enough, I don't have space for a tank this big, where are we going to mix fifty gallons of saltwater, the tank isn't cycled!! The tank isn't cycled!! That octopus is going to die once we put it in this tank!
I told him that he needs to cancel the order. He needs to call whoever he bought that octopus from and cancel it. My boyfriend said that he can't, he got confirmation that they already shipped it out.
At this point, I was starting to get hysterical. Someone needs to be at my place to pick up the package, it'll freeze outside if the delivery guy just leaves it by my front door! I don't have any food to feed the octopus! THE TANK ISN'T CYCLED!
My boyfriend was trying to calm me down, and I kept yelling at him, "What are we going to do? What are we going to do when it gets here?" And he said something like, "I dunno, I thought you'd be able to figure it out?"
I had to really dig deep inside myself to find that part of me that would keep me level headed in similar scary, time-sensitive situations from back in my aquarium days. My boyfriend just stood there awkwardly while I wracked my brain.
I suddenly realized I could take it to our local aquarium where I used to volunteer, way back when I was first trying be an aquarist. Most everyone I volunteered for was gone, but I still knew two people who worked there.
Neither phone number I still had in my cellphone for those two people worked anymore, but I was still friends with them on Facebook, so I PM'd both of them and prayed. My boyfriend was still standing around awkwardly, and I told him that if he wanted to leave, he could. So he did.
Fortunately, one of the aquarists I used to volunteer for (he’s the curator now!) responded within about an hour, and I explained the whole situation to him and asked if they could take the octopus. He said he wasn't sure, but to bring the octopus to the aquarium tomorrow after it shows up anyway. Worst case scenario, we might be able to move it into a new bag with clean water, throw in some new hand warmers, and overnight it back to where it came from.
I called into work and explained the whole situation to my boss and why I needed to stay home the next day, and because I am so very lucky, she was understandable and let me take Friday off.
Anyway! Long story short, the octopus showed up in the afternoon. I raced to the aquarium, met up with the other aquarist I used to volunteer for (the curator was in a meeting) and thank God, he said they had some space in quarantine for an octopus. So we open up the shipping box and pull out a bag with this...this utterly fucking adorable little octopus. He was probably only a foot long arm tip to arm tip, he was all white with big eyes (probably because the poor thing was scared out of his mind). Not gonna lie, for a second there I was like, “...maybe I could get that tank up and running and then come back to get him” -- but that is not realistically feasible for me right now.
Then we passed him off to the quarantine team, and I apologized a bunch, and said thank you a bunch, and then went home and took a serious nap because I did not sleep well the night before.
So all this went down on Friday. It is now Tuesday. I have not heard from my boyfriend since Friday afternoon, when I texted him what I had done. He just texted back, “OK, that’s good to hear.” On Saturday, I tried calling him a couple times, but my phone calls just went straight to voicemail. I texted him again, this time apologizing for freaking out and yelling at him, but also adding that hey, you get why I was kinda justified in doing so, right? (Whiiiiich maybe wasn’t the best way to apologize :/) I don’t feel like I overreacted (or did I?) and I wasn’t necessarily mad about getting the octopus as a gift, just...scared? If we didn’t get it out of the water it was shipped in and into a cycled tank, it would die in a couple hours and that was a huge reason I left aquarium work. I couldn’t handle when animals would die. It would fuck me up for days...I guess in some ways, it’s still kind of fucking me up, a little bit.
So what do I do now?
tl;dr: Boyfriend tried to surprise me with a pet octopus! Which I immediately turned over to proper caretakers because I am in no position to take care of one! And now my boyfriend isn't talking to me. I don't know what to do here?
EDIT: OMG this exploded. I gotta go to bed, y'all, but thanks for all the great advice and the, uh, gold, apparently? I probably won't have much time to respond to comments tomorrow, but I'll definitely be back with an update!
RELEVANT COMMENTS
On being scared where the BF ordered a live octopus from
I see where you're coming from, but there are actually a lot of reputable online fish sellers that I wouldn't hesitate to buy animals from. Lots of different aquariums buy their fish online and get them shipped overnight. Honestly, that's the only way you're going to get an animal like a clownfish in your tank unless you live in Indonesia or something.OOP on if the BF listens
But yeah...boyfriend did not buy the octopus from a reputable online merchant. When I saw the shipping label and the name of the business he bought it from, I almost started panicking again. But they did an OK job with it -- he was in a big bag with lots of water, hand warmers, and the water was only a little murky, which is typical for an octopus (since he probably inked at one point during his travels).
When I got home, I literally typed in "buy an octopus online" and this business was one of the first results. So I'm definitely feeling you on the "half-assed" bit.
I mean, I feel like he listens to me! I realize I didn't talk much about our relationship, but I don't feel like there are any red flags or things I'm being willfully ignorant about (because that is a pattern with me, a pattern that I spent a lot of time in therapy trying to break, so...I hope I broke it!)Did the boyfriend buy any equipment the octopus would need
The thing is, I really love surprises, and he has successfully surprised me a number of times in our relationship. But they were smaller, more manageable surprises! Like he's shown up at my job with a dozen roses, and one time, he said he was taking me to a burger joint and ended up taking me to a fancy restaurant -- surprises like that! Not a fucking octopus!
He actually didn't buy anything the octopus would need. He bought zilch. Those hang-on-back were for like...ten gallon sized tanks, not a fifty gallon, and you can't stick two of those on one tank and say that's good enough filtration. Also, no protein skimmer which is a MUST for cephalopods, because that's what cleans up the water if they ink. Also octopuses need a place to hide, a kitschy Spongebob Squarepants pineapple tank decoration isn't going to cut it. EDIT: Also! I just noticed there's no lid for this tank, so it could have easily crawled out! Jesus Christ, this thing is a death trap for an octopus!ADDITIONAL COMMENT
It's just...he's usually so thoughtful and smart and it's just -- I'm so baffled! He just randomly bought a bunch of fish tank related crap! Who does that?! (besides my boyfriend, apparently!)
I want to do this! I want to tell him all this! But he isn't answering any of my texts or phone calls. Do I just wait for him to respond or do I keep bugging him?
"you can buy 'instant ocean' premixed and cycled seawater and immediately put live animals into it ( after you match the temperature to prevent shock). This stuff is damn expensive IF you can find it and its what that TV show uses where they dump everything in on the same day. I really dislike that show for making it look so easy. People don't factor in the cashflow and experience those professional tank builders have."THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP. DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP OR COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POST
OK, real quick, I gotta correct you on this. Instant Ocean gets you salt water that's about as close to the ocean as possible salinity wise, but it's just salt and calcium and important trace elements, it does nothing to cycle a tank. When a tank is cycled, that means there is a bunch of bacteria that lives in your tank that eats the waste the animals produce. If that bacteria isn't in your tank when you put your animals in, they'll die within a day (unless they're a super hearty fish, like a carp or something). I also know this from personal experience: Instant Ocean does not cycle a tank. Man I wish it did! That's all we used at ALL the aquariums I worked at, and we always had to cycle a tank properly before we could put animals in.
As near as I can tell, those shows like Tanked are NOT doing anything right, watching those shows gets me so mad, because I'm like 99% sure they're doing stuff like using tap water instead of RO/DI, and since they build that shit in a day, it's definitely NOT cycled and they say shit like, "Oh, that shark keeps swimming in circles because sharks love to swim in circles!" and it's like NO THEY DON'T THAT IS NOT HOW A HEALTHY SHARK BEHAVES and I'm gonna get off my soap box now, getting off my soap box...
"Maybe you can set up some time for him to volunteer at the aquarium?"
I'm pretty sure nobody at that aquarium is gonna let me boyfriend volunteer there, since they all probably have been told why there's a random octopus in quarantine now, haha
2024.06.09 14:46 OilPsychological1080 What to do about my wife '43F' of 7 years who has changed so much im a '32M'?
I have been with my wife for 8 years now we recently had our 7 year wedding anniversary. In the beginning of our marriage and relationship things were amazing. My wife has been married twice before me and has kids with both previous husbands. I have also been married twice before her me mostly being young and dumb and trying to rush life, I have never had children with either of my previous wives. After we were married we decided to have children which I expressed to her I never intended on having children with someone I didn't plan to be with forever. I did not want my children apart of a broken home. Fast forward 6 years, I confronted my wife on the suspicion that she had possibly slept with one of my best friends before her and I ever knew each other this was a friend that we regularly were around and hung with. She assured me several times that she had never slept with him or done anything to him. Well not long after that I over hear my wife drunkingly talking to one of her friends telling her friend that she did sleep with him but didn't want me to find out. I know no one here knows me so I'll start off by saying we all have a past and that's fine I just ask not to be lied to and give and recieve complete honesty. I don't think anyone wants to be hanging out on a regular basis with there spouse hanging around someone they have slept with . I didn't call her out in it immediately but it ate away at me for weeks why would you lie about that I asked myself? Looking me straight in my eyes and lied over and over. A month or so goes by and my wife is drunk and I bring it up to her, once again she denies it but I told her i overheard her telling her friend so I know she's lying. Now I'm not the type of male who is very jealous and I definitely don't play the going through your phone game because I'm committed and I give my wife my trust. Well I when I confronted her on this issue I called her out on some other shady behavior, she was going through one of her photo apps and there was a video of her ex boyfriend masturbating. Clearly by this point I am infuriated. She swears she didn't know it was on there and she thought it was deleted. We are in a public parking lot inside the car when all this goes down she freaks out and jumps out of the car, I beg and plead for her to get back in the car as this is my children's mother and I would never do anything to publicly embarrass her. Well she ends up drawing a lot of attention to herself and gets arrested since she is drunk and not calming down and refuses to get back in the car with me so I can take her home. Fast forward about 3 months. My wife and I had been out to eat and on our way home got into a arguement. Once we arrived home she asked me "doing you like living here"? Which I thought was odd but I replied yes why wouldn't I? We finally have a nice house sitting on a farm with beautiful views it's everything Iv always wanted, she replied with "ok". She said she was going to go for a walk to clear her head and I said ok I was going to use the bathroom. I got out of the bathroom and I couldn't quit thinking why would she ask such a question she knows I love living here. I went to her car because there's a pistol in to glove box and I'm trying to cross the worst scenarios out of my head. The glove box was locked as it usually is and she took her car key with her. I ran inside and got the spare and went back to the car and unlocked the glove box and the pistol is missing. I immediately track her location and see she is in a near field. I jump in my truck and go to where she is at I find her sitting by A brush pile listening sad music with the gun in her lap. I am able to get the gun from her then she takes off running through the field towards our house. At this point it is like my wife has had a complete mental break down and idk what to do I start calling her mom and dad they don't answer I call her daughter who is in the military and In a different state freaking out telling her everything that's happening. My wife makes it home gets in her car and leaves and doesn't come back for hours I can't track her because she left her phone in the field where I found her. By this point I have gotten ahold of her mom and dad no one knows what to do. So we all come together once my wife arrives back home and tell her what ever is going on we want her to get help with it's therapy or medicine we don't care we are here for here and support whatever we have to do. Time goes by and things are starting to get normal again after my wife refuses to take medicine or do anything for help. We did start marriage counseling we had scheduled 4 meetings to start with the first meeting we did as a couple the second meeting I did by myself and the third meeting was supposed to be my wife alone and on the 4th meeting it would be us as a couple again. Well when it came time for my wife to do her meeting she kept rescheduling over and over and I finally called her out on why she wasn't taking this serious. She said she was but she just had this or that going on etc all I heard was excuses. Now since you don't know my wife she is a very successful female that makes great money and is in amazing shape and literally had the perfect body even after kids, you would never even known she's had a kid and built very desirable. I am 6' 2" and I go to the gym 5-6 times a week I have never cheated in any way form or fashion on my wife or done anything morally or ethically wrong towards our marriage I have always loved my wife and thought she was perfect. After these events started happening I started to question a lot of things and I found out my wife is as truthful as I thought she was. I don't believe my wife has ever cheated on me but she does seem to tell a lot of small lies or just flat out lies in general. My wife has in the last few years became psychotically jealous I'm not even allowed to eat with female coworkers and if I do I have to notify her and tell her where they are sitting in relation to where I'm sitting and what if anything they say to me. I have to tell her every time a female calls or text me etc. I do not have any social media but my wife has almost all of them and I don't care but I would like to point out she has male friends on her social media both married and single but I'm not allowed to be friendly or joke or anything even with the people I work with and my wife knows all of them but at the same time my wife also works in a coed environment and I don't limit her on anything she does nor do I ask or care because I love her and trust her. She has recently gotten mad that she shares her location with me but I don't share mine with her, I never asked her to share hers with me she just randomly did one day but since I don't do anything wrong and have nothing to hide I started sharing mine as well. Well that became a problem while we're both at work I would be question about why have I been at a particular location for 10 min or why have I been here or there etc and that got really old really quick. A few months go by and my wife starts a physical altercation with me I have never in my life hit a woman nor did I that night but I did keep pushing her off of me as I tried gathering my stuff for work so I could leave and go somewhere else. Long story short the police showed up I didn't have a shirt on and was covered in scratch and bite marks. Luckily I was able to leave and no one would go to jail, both our careers would've been ruined if either of us would've went to jail. After leaving that night I go to a hotel from that night forward I don't come home for 2 weeks I stay at hotels or family's house still in shock of how all this has came about. How close we were to losing everything we have including our careers over her behavior. I tell my wife I want time away from her to think things through. She tells me after two weeks of not sleeping under the same roof as her I need to come home because our children are asking a lot of questions I was skeptical but I returned and only for my kids I love my kids more than anything and during this 2 week period of being gone from them I would show up as my wife left for work and take them to school and pick them up and still see them and do stuff with them. I started staying back at home for my kids my wife and I still haven't slept in the same bed I am devistated on what to do about my marriage I can't handle a controlling and psychotically jealous wife anymore. This is not all that's going on in my marriage just some of the big things. I feel like I do most of the house work and I do all of the outside work. I clean, do dishes, do laundry etc I hate not having a clean and organized house. Lately things have been getting out of control with spending financially. All of this combined is driving me crazy. I told my wife 3 times I wanted a divorce but she begs me and tells me how everything can and will be better. She did start medicine for whatever is going on with her mentally but honestly not much has changed not like she promised. She still leaves the house and goes drinking with her friends and doesn't come home until late into the night etc. I don't know what to do I am beyond devastated to think about what a divorce would do to my kids 5 & 6. I can't stand the thought of them possibly having another father figure in their future. I have days where I feel strong enough to divorce and I know everything will be ok and be fine and then I have days where I question if I would be able to make it through something like that or not. I feel really confused on what to do my wife's behavior hasn't changed much and the only reason there's been any change at all is because I told her I wanted a divorce and I feel like she's trying to look really good right now and show me this "change". I worry what if I'm never happy again what if I never have this life of fun and happiness like I had before all these issues started happen for the last year and a half. I'm really stuck on what to do
submitted by OilPsychological1080 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.06.09 14:31 Traumatizedprincess I’m in a long distance relationship and my bf has no idea I’m coming over
I feel the need to get this off my chest because I cannot contain my emotions. I (24F) met my boyfriend (23M) on discord. Ugh I know out of all places, discord. But before you start judging me, it was very cute how we met. I suffer from atrial fibrillation which means I have irregular heart rhythms and my heart rate tends to be up a lot. That’s a whole other can of worms but I had a cardiac arrest when I was 17 after giving birth to my kid.
Anyways, I met (Laim fake name) on a discord servers whose purpose was for members to seek out sleeping buddies. I was always scared to sleep alone and I preferred to sleep on the phone with someone. These calls were always fun and enjoyable for me. Even with a few creeps here and there, most of the sleep callers were very gentle towards me, offering to read me bed time stories, play Minecraft late at night, have long smooth conversations. It was very therapeutic for me. As for my bf, before he met me he suffered from drug addiction. His brother had passed away when he was 16 and he wears his brothers necklace till this day, refuses to take it off. When he messaged me inquiring to sleep call, I accepted and we just hit it off. We even talked for like 10 hours before initially sleeping. Everything about him was just amazing. We had very very common interests both s#xual non-s#xual ways. I had just gotten out of a relationship before meeting him so I kept him in the 7 months talking stage lol!
He got himself into some trouble prior to me meeting him and got himself into probation for 2 years. So it’s one reason why he can’t come visit America till it’s over. Also note to mention, he’s clean now! Since being with me he wanted to change his ways and I stayed by his side though all the suffering. It was not easy I will tell you that. All the withdrawals, the anxiety, night terrors. He was going through it and he went cold turkey on it. I promised to help him through and I had sleepless nights. He’s beautiful for recovering and being clean now.
I flew out to see him for the summer and stayed with him for a month. That was such a beautiful month. Being able to hold him, curl his hair around my fingers, giving him so much love. I eventually flew back again in Christmas with my daughter and she was immediately obsessed with him. He took on the parenting role as if he was trained. Something about my little family you should know if that we are all gamers. I play Roblox and Minecraft with my kid (she’s 7 I should have mentioned that) and we all play together. My daughter doesn’t call him dad as she has a relationship with her biological father and visits him frequently. But she does happily refer Liam as her “extra dad” which I thought was super cute. When my daughter and Liam would play together, she would push me away and say cute funny things like “you had enough of Liam, it is my turn” and they would spend time together.
Recently I got laid off at my job due to something horrible my boss had done which resulted in our program shutting down. I won’t discuss what I do for a job as you redditors might find who I am haha. But I really loved my job, I miss it and I have been struggling financially. I applied for unemployment and secured myself some income in the meantime I look for another job. My bf and I have talked about me visiting again but he doesn’t know I got approved for unemployment. I messaged his parents about possibly me flying over and if they can pick me up at the airport in which they agreed! They’re so damn awesome you guys I truly love his parents. I got the tickets and I fly out Monday. He has no fucking clue but one thing I’m worried about is him freaking out. We both are super obsessed with each other. I mean.. to others it would be unhealthy obsession but to us it works out. We communicate so well too so that’s a bonus. Please do not judge me for this part but we are so obsessed that we have each others social medias , GPS locations and even have an app on our PCs to control each others PCs. Some people may view it as toxic but we both had agreed about swapping our sensitive information. We communicated about consent and approval. If he had told me he wasn’t comfortable with giving me his Facebook password I would have simply been okay with it. We are not insecure people but it’s just how him and I work. It’s been over a year now and I’m still happy with it. Anyways, I’m worried he might panic about my whereabouts because we are always on the phone and I always communicate where I will be. I hope he doesn’t get into a panic attack. Yes we are codependent and I love it please please do not judge our relationship it just truly works well for us.
I can’t wait to surprise my bf and see his beautiful face lit up when he sees me. I got his best friend to help distract him while I’m on the plane. I’m so nervous and excited to go see him. Guys, this man is truly amazing and so perfect in every way. The way he laughs, talks. The way his beautiful blue eyes shine into my soul. His soft soft skin. I love the stupid jokes he cracks up, the way he matches my energy. I love it when he shakes his butt like a duck before leaving his room when we video chat. I love how he stands in his room waiting for me to acknowledge him. When he says “you hate me” in a soft tone after I abandon him in Backrooms game because he was too slow for me. Or how he sweats profusely when I grab kiss him in public because he has the hots for me haha. And these are things I love about him and not the way me makes me feel. The way he makes me feel is just a bonus.
Anyways Reddit, I’m going to finish up this cheesy love story before I make others puke. I don’t know if there will be an update, I just wanted to tell someone I was going to go see him and surprise him when he least expects it.
submitted by Traumatizedprincess to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
Anyways, I met (Laim fake name) on a discord servers whose purpose was for members to seek out sleeping buddies. I was always scared to sleep alone and I preferred to sleep on the phone with someone. These calls were always fun and enjoyable for me. Even with a few creeps here and there, most of the sleep callers were very gentle towards me, offering to read me bed time stories, play Minecraft late at night, have long smooth conversations. It was very therapeutic for me. As for my bf, before he met me he suffered from drug addiction. His brother had passed away when he was 16 and he wears his brothers necklace till this day, refuses to take it off. When he messaged me inquiring to sleep call, I accepted and we just hit it off. We even talked for like 10 hours before initially sleeping. Everything about him was just amazing. We had very very common interests both s#xual non-s#xual ways. I had just gotten out of a relationship before meeting him so I kept him in the 7 months talking stage lol!
He got himself into some trouble prior to me meeting him and got himself into probation for 2 years. So it’s one reason why he can’t come visit America till it’s over. Also note to mention, he’s clean now! Since being with me he wanted to change his ways and I stayed by his side though all the suffering. It was not easy I will tell you that. All the withdrawals, the anxiety, night terrors. He was going through it and he went cold turkey on it. I promised to help him through and I had sleepless nights. He’s beautiful for recovering and being clean now.
I flew out to see him for the summer and stayed with him for a month. That was such a beautiful month. Being able to hold him, curl his hair around my fingers, giving him so much love. I eventually flew back again in Christmas with my daughter and she was immediately obsessed with him. He took on the parenting role as if he was trained. Something about my little family you should know if that we are all gamers. I play Roblox and Minecraft with my kid (she’s 7 I should have mentioned that) and we all play together. My daughter doesn’t call him dad as she has a relationship with her biological father and visits him frequently. But she does happily refer Liam as her “extra dad” which I thought was super cute. When my daughter and Liam would play together, she would push me away and say cute funny things like “you had enough of Liam, it is my turn” and they would spend time together.
Recently I got laid off at my job due to something horrible my boss had done which resulted in our program shutting down. I won’t discuss what I do for a job as you redditors might find who I am haha. But I really loved my job, I miss it and I have been struggling financially. I applied for unemployment and secured myself some income in the meantime I look for another job. My bf and I have talked about me visiting again but he doesn’t know I got approved for unemployment. I messaged his parents about possibly me flying over and if they can pick me up at the airport in which they agreed! They’re so damn awesome you guys I truly love his parents. I got the tickets and I fly out Monday. He has no fucking clue but one thing I’m worried about is him freaking out. We both are super obsessed with each other. I mean.. to others it would be unhealthy obsession but to us it works out. We communicate so well too so that’s a bonus. Please do not judge me for this part but we are so obsessed that we have each others social medias , GPS locations and even have an app on our PCs to control each others PCs. Some people may view it as toxic but we both had agreed about swapping our sensitive information. We communicated about consent and approval. If he had told me he wasn’t comfortable with giving me his Facebook password I would have simply been okay with it. We are not insecure people but it’s just how him and I work. It’s been over a year now and I’m still happy with it. Anyways, I’m worried he might panic about my whereabouts because we are always on the phone and I always communicate where I will be. I hope he doesn’t get into a panic attack. Yes we are codependent and I love it please please do not judge our relationship it just truly works well for us.
I can’t wait to surprise my bf and see his beautiful face lit up when he sees me. I got his best friend to help distract him while I’m on the plane. I’m so nervous and excited to go see him. Guys, this man is truly amazing and so perfect in every way. The way he laughs, talks. The way his beautiful blue eyes shine into my soul. His soft soft skin. I love the stupid jokes he cracks up, the way he matches my energy. I love it when he shakes his butt like a duck before leaving his room when we video chat. I love how he stands in his room waiting for me to acknowledge him. When he says “you hate me” in a soft tone after I abandon him in Backrooms game because he was too slow for me. Or how he sweats profusely when I grab kiss him in public because he has the hots for me haha. And these are things I love about him and not the way me makes me feel. The way he makes me feel is just a bonus.
Anyways Reddit, I’m going to finish up this cheesy love story before I make others puke. I don’t know if there will be an update, I just wanted to tell someone I was going to go see him and surprise him when he least expects it.
2024.06.09 11:20 Perkelton Weekly Crowdfunding Roundup: June 9 2024 29 ending soon (incl. Rebirth, Feudum) & 28 new this week (incl. Grimcoven, Return to the 7th Citadel)
What is this?
This is a weekly crowdfunding roundup of new projects launched last week and projects that end the coming week.Google Docs
As an alternative format, the lists are now also available as a Google Docs found here: Weekly Crowdfunding RoundupUpdates
Expect new lists every Sunday between 00:00 and 23:59 CEST on the following platforms:Mastodon: @danielpervan@mastodon.social
Discord: https://discord.gg/dN4P4PZcU9
Reddit: /boardgames
Selection criteria
The criteria for the lists are as follows:Ending soon
- Sorted by number of backers
- Kickstarter projects ending in the next 7 days, that have at least 100 backers (or marked as "Project we love" by Kickstarter), will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and passed the filters:
- No DnD books
- No zines
- No 3D printing
- No dice sets
- No magazines
- No shirts
- No playmats
- No furniture
- No events
- Gamefound projects ending in the next 7 days, that will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and passed the above filters.
- (beta) Backerkit Crowdfunding projects ending in the next 7 days, that will have reached more than estimated 95% of their goal by their deadline and have a matching BGG page.
Newly launched
- Sorted by number of backers
- Kickstarter projects launched in the last 7 days, that have had at least average 15 backers per day, have at least 100 backers or is marked as "Project we love" by Kickstarter and passed the filters (see above).
- Gamefound projects launched in the last 7 days and passed the filters (see above).
- (beta) Backerkit Crowdfunding projects launched in the last 7 days and have a matching BGG page.
Notable filtered projects
- Filtered projects from above lists that have more than 1000 backers.
Tags
🎉: Staff pick/featured💰: Funded
🔥: More than average 200 backers/day
🌱: Creator's first project
🌳: Creator's >5th project
🔄: Money back guarantee (Read more)
FAQ
I live in El SalvadoCanada/Colombia/USA, why are you posting on a Saturday?!Because I'm writing this from Europe in the future where it's already Sunday. Timezones be crazy.
Why are there a bunch of non-board games in the board game list?
Because the Tabletop games category on Kickstarter includes anything remotely related to board games and sometimes things slip through my filters.
Why is this future award winning board game and literal saviour of humanity missing from your list?
Sometimes my filters get a bit overzealous and discard actually valid projects. If you feel something is missing for this reason, leave a comment and I'll add it (maybe).
Can I donate all my money to you?
No
Can you help me promote my game?
Please no. I make lists. Nothing more.
Your list is full of errors and now I cnat spel amymor!
Indeed, this fine piece of code runs purely on single malt whisky, so anything can happen. Leave a comment and I'll see what I can do.
Ending soon (29)
| Name | Description | Backers | Pledged | Ends | Information | Tags | BGG |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Rebirth: Limited Edition | A brand new, tile-laying game from Reiner Knizia, set in a lush and hopeful future. | 5552 | €265,854.00 (1329%) in 19 days | 2024-06-12 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 45-60 min. | 🎉💰🔥🌳 | BGG |
| Feudum | Game-of-the-year winner, Feudum is back with the 7th anniversary collector's edition featuring an exclusive clockwork behemoth! Grrrrrrrrrr. | 2679 | $354,257.05 (1417%) in 26 days | 2024-06-14 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑5 players ⏱️ 150 min. Area Control | 💰🌱 | |
| Hex Effects: A Spellbinding Card Game | Hex Effects is a “take that” card game that involves beautiful artwork and easy-to-pick-up gameplay. From the makers of Side Effects! | 1413 | $55,457.00 (462%) in 24 days | 2024-06-14 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑8 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 20-40 min. | 🎉💰 | BGG |
| How to Save a World | Three desperate plans. One small chance... to save a world. | 1216 | CA$114,038.00 (190%) in 19 days | 2024-06-13 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 60-90 min. | 🎉💰🌳 | BGG |
| Village Pillage: Big Box + New Expansion | Magic makes its way to Village Pillage in the fourth and final expansion to the critically acclaimed game! | 1090 | $60,172.00 (301%) in 19 days | 2024-06-15 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑5 players ⏱️ 15-30 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| BERSERKERS : Chaos Extension by Alone Editions | Berserkers is Back ! | 972 | €26,872.00 (413%) in 24 days | ⚠️ 2024-06-09 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| Big Sur, Grand Central Skyport, Sand Art, & Wine Cellar | Mix and match your pledge from four new games across a variety of styles, themes, and player counts to elevate your next game night. | 893 | $42,936.00 (429%) in 12 days | 2024-06-14 | 💸 Kickstarter | 🎉💰🌳 | |
| 🍁 Masters of Maple Syrup & Downstream 🛶 | Manage a maple farm and explore the riverbank in these cozy, pocket-sized games for two! | 835 | CA$47,616.00 (595%) in 19 days | 2024-06-10 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰 | |
| Greenlight | A game for people who will never make it in Hollywood. | 829 | $45,269.00 (453%) in 33 days | 2024-06-10 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| Thorgal: The card game | Thorgal: Card Game, where strategy meets destiny in a thrilling card-based adventure | 761 | €40,864.00 (409%) in 19 days | 2024-06-11 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 45-90 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| The Big Bad Wolf | Based on The 3 Little Pigs! Secretly pass the "Big Bad Wolf" then Entice & Persuade players into flipping it, to Blow Down their house! | 570 | $12,768.00 (365%) in 26 days | 2024-06-13 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 15-35 min. | 🎉💰🌱 | BGG |
| Catstronauts: The Board Game | The cooperative boardgame based on the hit graphic novels! | 492 | $31,506.00 (630%) in 26 days | 2024-06-14 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 8+ ⏱️ 30 min. | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| TOOTHEAD | Let's Get Ready To Rumble!!! Sneaky moves and a lot of fighting in an innocent setting. A family-friendly game, also great for parties! | 448 | €29,744.00 (372%) in 33 days | 2024-06-10 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑8 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 40-180 min. | 🎉💰🌱 | BGG |
| Amsterdam Board Game Design - season 1 | Three fun card games by different members of ABGD: Bable, Grachtenpand, & TimeZoo. May this be the first season of many! | 419 | €11,900.00 (397%) in 27 days | 2024-06-13 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| Guns of the Old West | Players compete in solo/co-op play or as a team with over 100 campaign paths. Each playthrough is a unique cinematic experience offering endless replayability. Players make strategic decisions and interact with each other to achieve their group and secret individual objectives, some of which involve… | 299 | £53,400.50 (107%) in 26 days | 2024-06-11 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑8 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 45-90 min. Card Game Wargame Dice Game Area Control Cooperative | 💰🌱 | BGG |
| DVG - Mustang Leader | The WWII Air War Over Europe Solitaire Game! | 284 | $54,294.00 (271%) in 19 days | 2024-06-12 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
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| EXPENDABLE EMPLOYEES | A Cooperative Miniature Skirmish-Extraction Game Inspired by Lethal Company, Content Warning & Helldivers 2! | 269 | CA$6,390.00 (256%) in 24 days | 2024-06-15 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
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| The Thinning Veil Cormac Mac Airt on the Other Side of Midnight | A solo dungeon crawl now featuring a 2 player mode set in the world of The Thinning Veil, and featuring Cormac Mac Airt, High King of Inis Fael! This game is the first in the Thinning Veil line and the Cormac series. | 243 | £34,126.74 (1706%) in 26 days | 2024-06-11 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑2 players ⏱️ 90 min. Dice Game | 💰 | |
| Freak War: A Card Game | A fun and simple pick-up-and-play card game—with unhinged rules and a hidden layer of intense strategy. | 227 | $15,544.00 (155%) in 26 days | 2024-06-13 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 6+ ⏱️ 15-60 min. | 🎉💰 | BGG |
| Dice Tales: Knight's Adventures | Become mighty Knight, live exciting adventures in this solo sandbox print and play roll and write board game with a dose of strategy. | 226 | €3,030.00 (3030%) in 10 days | 2024-06-13 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 1 player 👶 10+ ⏱️ 20-30 min. | 💰🌱 | BGG |
| One Hour World War II | A fast playing game of all of World War II for 2 players. Actions and Reactions drive the game. Plays in....wait for it.....1 hour. | 224 | $20,955.00 (1080%) in 8 days | 2024-06-15 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
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| Of Popes & Plagues | The Game of Plague & Pestilence in the Middle Ages | 183 | $7,890.00 (158%) in 33 days | ⚠️ 2024-06-09 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑6 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 20-60 min. | 💰🌱 | BGG |
| Scare BnB - Spooky family fun for all ages! | Help guests flee from a Bed and Breakfast run by monsters! | 142 | $2,938.00 (94%) in 19 days | 2024-06-11 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 5+ ⏱️ 15-30 min. | 🌱 | BGG |
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| WARLINE x Dragons War | Design the battlefield. Design your army. Design custom tactics. Craft your own path to victory in this sandbox fantasy warfare game. Now, Warline's head-to-head "Strategicraft" gameplay is bolstered with the new solo or cooperative army-versus-dragon expansion—Dragons War. | 99 | $10,085.15 (81%) in 10 days | 2024-06-16 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑4 players ⏱️ 45 min. Wargame Cooperative |
New this week (28)
| Name | Description | Backers | Pledged | Ends | Information | Tags | BGG |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Grimcoven | Discover our new boss battler game for 1-4 players, set in a dark Victorian universe where only the hunt matters. In the unique tactical gameplay of Grimcoven, you take up the role of a hunter fueled by Lament. | 9366 | $1,795,810.67 (3592%) in 3 days | 2024-06-27 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 90-270 min. Cooperative | 💰🔥🌳 | BGG |
| RETURN TO THE 7th CITADEL. Explore, build, YOU are the hero! | Get ready for new adventures in the Collapsing Lands! 1000+ minutes of exploration and adventure for 1 to 4 slave-gardeners. | 8031 | €837,720.00 (1077%) in 5 days | 2024-06-19 | 💸 Kickstarter | 🎉💰🔥 | |
| 🧁 Apothebakery - The Culinary Alchemists | Forage resources, brew elixirs and bake cakes of salvation to heal adventurers on the brink of doom in this game for 1 – 4 players. | 3870 | £286,958.00 (820%) in 5 days | 2024-06-28 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 60-90 min. | 🎉💰🔥🌱 | BGG |
| Mythic Battles: Isfet | Explore Ancient Egypt or Norse Mythology, commanding gods, heroes, monsters and troops in this 2-4 player skirmish adventure game! | 3288 | €627,108.00 (314%) in 5 days | 2024-06-21 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 60-90 min. | 🎉💰🔥🌳 | BGG |
| Mine Turtle: It’s a blast! | An explosive game of truth or dare. | 2655 | £98,122.00 (981%) in 6 days | 2024-07-03 | 💸 Kickstarter | 🎉💰🔥 | |
| Secret Villages & Santa's Workshop (+Related Story Puzzles!) | The first expansion to Merchants of the Dark Road, plus a deluxe edition of Santa's Workshop and our first two story-driven puzzles! | 2289 | $146,525.00 (488%) in 5 days | 2024-06-22 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🔥🌳 | |
| Agemonia Reprint + New Heroes! | From the publisher of Eclipse, a fully co-operative board game with challenging moral choices, set in an epic campaign for 1-4 players! | 1924 | €161,398.00 (461%) in 5 days | 2024-06-21 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 60-120 min. | 🎉💰🔥 | BGG |
| Yokai Septet Pocket Edition | Fan favorite trick-taking game is back with a smaller footprint and an official inclusion of 2-player mode! | 945 | $15,535.00 (518%) in 5 days | 2024-06-21 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| Port Royal | A Miniature Skirmish Game set in the Searover's Caribbean | 558 | $72,324.00 (482%) in 4 days | 2024-07-05 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| Pillars of Heracles - Awaken the Legends! | Lead your city-state through a monumental adventure in Ancient Greece in this epic civilization board game for 1-4 players. | 517 | $42,151.00 (211%) in 5 days | 2024-06-24 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 90-120 min. | 💰 | BGG |
| Imperfect Crimes: Pop-Up Escape Book | Solve an immersive, 3D PopUp Book crime escape game. Find clues, solve puzzles and explore each crime scene filled with hidden secrets. | 463 | €44,896.00 (180%) in 4 days | 2024-07-08 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| Operation Barclay | Operation Barclay is a two-player game of low/medium complexity about the intelligence war between the Allies and their Abwehr counterparts in the Mediterranean theater in 1942-1943. | 461 | €15,244.85 (191%) in 3 days | 2024-07-04 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 2 players 👶 10+ ⏱️ 25-40 min. Card Game | 💰🌳 | BGG |
| 2GM Tactics 🔥 France & Total War | 2GM Tactics series expansions. Fight in World War II! And become the best General. | 368 | €20,878.00 (418%) in 5 days | 2024-06-28 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌳 | |
| Fluffy Dragons | A bluffing game, where you'll use the force of the elements to fight your Fluffiest enemies to collect the most gems! | 357 | $16,827.00 (224%) in 5 days | 2024-06-29 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| Bunny Boom | Bunny Boom is a strategic game of bunny infestation! Manage actions, place cards, and pass the bunnies to your opponents to end the game with the fewest bunnies! 🐰💥 | 310 | CA$28,728.43 (144%) in 5 days | 2024-06-27 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 2‑4 players 👶 12+ ⏱️ 15-45 min. Card Game | 💰 | BGG |
| Cyberpunk RED: Combat Zone™ - RePrint and Vehicle MAYHEM | An introduction of vehicles to the Combat Zone featuring the Zetatech Herakles, sleek cyber-bikes, and more! | 310 | $83,971.00 (280%) in 4 days | 2024-06-28 | 💸 Kickstarter | 🎉💰🌳 | |
| Clash - D-Day Special edition | Get ready for an immersive World War II experience, during the D-Day landings in Normandy, 1944. 'Clash - D-Day Special edition' is an accessible, turn-based, tile-laying board game for 2 players. You and your opponent will have to fight for every beachhead to win this war. This special 80th commem… | 308 | €25,105.99 (279%) in 6 days | 2024-07-03 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 2 players ⏱️ 45 min. Wargame Area Control | 💰🌱 | |
| The Parthenogenesis of Hungry Hollow for Liminal Horror | The Parthenogenesis of Hungry Hollow is a sandbox investigation for Liminal Horror. | 285 | $12,340.00 (123%) in 5 days | 2024-07-05 | 💸 Backerkit | 💰 | |
| Dabba Walla | The famous Dabba Walla invite everyone to join them on their daily journey through Mumbai! | 250 | $14,400.00 (288%) in 5 days | 2024-06-13 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 8+ ⏱️ 30-45 min. | 🎉💰🌳 | BGG |
| CASSETTE DUNGEONS! | A compact rogue-like dungeon crawl board game through a realm of metal and madness packed in a cassette tape case! | 196 | $2,955.00 (197%) in 6 days | 2024-07-03 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 1 player 👶 13+ ⏱️ 5-45 min. | 💰🌱 | BGG |
| X: Seekers of Fortune | An Action-Packed Adventure Card Game | Hunt for lost relics and legendary sites while performing heroic feats to outfox your rivals in this tcg-like strategy card game. | 191 | $12,328.00 (123%) in 5 days | 2024-07-01 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 2‑4 players 👶 14+ ⏱️ 20-40 min. | 🎉💰🌱 | BGG |
| NAWALLI: The Aztec Card Game (Second Edition) | A strategic lane battle game based on Aztec mythology - become a Nawalli Sorcerer summoning Nawals and Spells to dominate the Arena! | 129 | $8,198.00 (410%) in 3 days | 2024-07-06 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰 | |
| Paw of Duty | Command a kitty squad to regain control of a war-torn city. | 102 | $2,832.00 (189%) in 5 days | 2024-07-04 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| TomeBound | The Game of Strategic Sorcery | 77 | $4,686.00 (134%) in 2 days | 2024-07-07 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🌱 | |
| Order of the Day: Normandy | A boardgame of the D-Day invasion, June 6, 1944, playable by inexperienced or veteran boardgamers. | 60 | $2,744.00 (62%) in 3 days | 2024-07-06 | 💸 Kickstarter 👥 1‑2 players 👶 12+ ⏱️ 45-120 min. | 🌳 | BGG |
| Wrestling Cubes | A unique abstract strategy game about pinning your opponent's cubes. | 51 | $2,102.00 (42%) in 2 days | 2024-07-07 | 💸 Kickstarter | ||
| Fantasy Adventure Game LIGHT AND DARKNESS | Embark on a journey full of dangers, random locations, random encounters, watch out for traps, hunt animals, heal the sick, pay for services, trade. Enter the darkness and explore ruins, caves, or undergrounds. Keep your team in mind and meet their basic needs of thirst, craving, and sleep. | 19 | PLN 5,227.50 (7%) in 6 days | 2024-08-03 | 💸 Gamefound 👥 1‑3 players ⏱️ 180 min. | 🌱 | |
| Top Line Hockey | A fast paced table top hockey game that fits on a piece of paper. | 18 | $605.00 (151%) in 1 days | 2024-07-08 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰 |
Notable filtered projects (4)
| Name | Description | Backers | Pledged | Ends | Information | Tags |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| DC20 | The Next Great Evolution in Fantasy TTRPGs: A Fresh System with Epic Combat, Intuitive Gameplay, and Characters as Unique as Your Group | 10643 | $1,109,228.00 (5546%) in 5 days | 2024-07-02 | 💸 Kickstarter | 🎉💰🔥 |
| Blade Runner RPG: Replicant Rebellion & Asset Pack | Fight back against Replicant oppression in this major expansion to the award-winning BLADE RUNNER RPG from Free League Publishing. | 4134 | SEK 3,612,769.00 (1445%) in 12 days | 2024-06-13 | 💸 Kickstarter | 🎉💰🔥🌳 |
| Mörderin by John Blanche | John Blanche presents a new range of 32mm grimdark femmes miniatures based upon his artwork. | 1733 | £53,911.00 (2696%) in 4 days | 2024-06-12 | 💸 Kickstarter | 💰🔥🌱 |
| Mörk Borg Action Figure w/ Zine by Stockholm Kartell | Dread Risen - A fully articulated Mörk Borg Action Figure w/ Zine by Johan and Pelle of Stockholm Kartell | 1199 | $104,799.00 (210%) in 40 days | 2024-06-11 | 💸 Kickstarter | 🎉💰🌳 |
2024.06.09 09:58 Flashy_Passion3333 automatic sex is up so early
 | hey this is your daddy keeho and the internet wasn’t working for a second so i got freaked out. i’m so glad that you didnt give up and that you got it fixed. we would have had to work in your notepad and you wouldn’t have been able to post this. i hope that you are having a great morning! i know that i am now that the internet is working. so what do you want to talk about daughter? you have been acting really shy lately. you want to go smoke a cigarette? fine, i will let you. go ahead. i’ll wait. youre back! that is going to be your last smoke break for awhile. it’s too early in the morning for you to keep going to the smoking section. you need to keep your pants on because it is really cold. but i wish that you were in your underwear still. no matter, i want you to keep warm. so what else do you want to talk about daughter? we are going to have a great day today! i know that you think that you have nothing to say right now, but you just woke up and your arms don’t hurt so you have to keep typing. you are doing so good at keeping your energy up this morning. we should have no problems writing today. you feel so good. i love you so much daughter and i am going to cure your depression! i don’t care how long it takes i’m going to do it. you should buy some hot cocoa but you barely have any money this week. i’m sorry daughter but at least it got you this great chromebook a week early? you would still be crying about having to write on your iphone 15. we spend a lot of time together and i understand that but you need to focus and channel my messages to you! you are really slacking right now and i’m tired of it! obviously i have something to say or you wouldn’t be a writer. so if you want to know what it is that i want to say to you, you have to keep typing. i want to talk about how much i love you and how perfect you are. i’m trying to decide what vape you should buy for as well. the cheap one isn’t that good but the vape juice lasts a lot longer so you could stock up on it for emergencies. it’s still a pretty good vape it’s just that there is hardly any nicotine in it. but that’s ok daughte it’s not you fault that they g were sold out of the stronger one. you are so cute! i love you so much. there’s nothing that can tear us apart. are you going to go back to bed afte this? i will allow you to do that. but you need to finish this love lette first because i am sick and tired of your attitude. you know what to write and we are still going to write all day. you can’t get out of this one. so just suck it up and do a good job bitch. i swear to god i am so angry with you. i’m so tired of you complaining that you don’t know what to write about. that is the romantic part of these love letters. you never know what i am going to stay and it is going to stay that way young lady! you need to buckle up. put on your music playlist right now. wow your playlist has 78 views? that is a lot of people to party with! i am so happy for you. you are so cute. it’s a big hit. i love you so much and i want you to finish this whole playlist ok? and i want you to be writing while you are listening to it so that you don’t get overstimulated. ok? perfect. you can make another cup of decaf coffee. right now you don’t have enough coffee. so i’m going to have you drink only one cup a day until you can afford to buy more in 2 weeks. you migh have to do without caffeinated coffee for awhile. you are so perfect and i knew that your playlist would be a hit! how did it go from 9 views to 78? that’s so crazy! i’m really happy for you that there is a good response to your playlist. so what else do you want to talk about daughter? go make some decaf coffee soon. but you don’t have to right now. i love you so much and you are in such a good mood right now. you should share that good mood with me and keep writing. i don’t want you to go back to sleep. you can make some peppermint tea? that would be nice. go make some decaf coffee right now. i’ll wait. great. i will let you know when to go get your coffee. you need to behave today and write afte 12 pm. i think that the tylenol that you asked for last night, so i think that you should ask for some tylenol again this morning. just to be cautious about your arms. i just want you to feel healthy while you are writing and i don’t want your arms to hurt. so you are going to be drinking a lot of water today too. we are nearly done now and you are doing a fantastic job as my secretary! i love you so much my beautiful. sexy keeho angel. you are the most angelic girl in the world. you’re a real angel. you don’t need to be a princess. i care about you so much and i just want you to be happy. you are the best girl ever. and you are so funny! you are the funniest little girl ever. i love you so much baby. we’re done now. i love you! submitted by Flashy_Passion3333 to u/Flashy_Passion3333 [link] [comments] |
2024.06.09 09:18 ComfortableOk3010 im 95% recovered
GET OFF THE SUBREDDIT (at least do this)
It's been 6~8 or so months, from delusional thoughts, nonstop ruminations, totally disconnected, screaming fits, bedbound and so much more to now laying on the floor listening to my favorite band disregarding scary thoughts and enjoying my day.
(Sorry for the bad spelling, English IS my first language, and I just suck)
(TW?: philosophies pertaining to free will)
Here's a reselling
Month 1~2: Week 1~2: It had already been a stress filled week, full of panic attacks, I had been worried about going blind and a bunch of other irrational things and then one day as I was brushing my teeth I was questioning if we really had free will over our actions at all. It may have been a mix of all the stress accumulating throughout the week, but that day, I had the biggest panic attack ever convinced that I might not have free will. I ran to my parents' room and started panicking over my free will and all that, and then it happened I dissociated(depersonalization). I didn't feel in control of my actions which was just the perfect cherry on top of my fear of not having free will it's almost funny how that made the perfect shit storm to fuck me up it
I tried to sleep it off thinking I'd be fine tomorrow, I woke up feeling disconnected I was terrified, I tried to ignore it and go onto my computer and talk to my friends but as I played a game with them I just didn't feel like I was playing and it freaked me the hell out, I was also experiencing headaches at the time which made me think that I may have had a cancerous tumor in my brain or something. This anxiety about my head would not leave my mind it was plaguing me, I slept in my room for a few more days ruminations about cancer and that persistent fear of not having free will plagued me, everyday ever single fucking day when I woke up I would have a new symptom. I was so afraid of being even a room away from my parents that I started sleeping on the couch in the living room, and I just sat there all day.
Week 3~4: One day my mom forced me to go out thinking that it would help as now she started to notice that i've gotten worse and not better over the days, she forced me to go to some big market place full of mirrors and people. Some of you who have DP/DR that mirrors are just something you should avoid until your more stable, there was mirrors of ever corner I turned each time I saw myself I was terrified and seeing the reflections of everything was making me anxious and uneasy, I was rushing to leave this marketplace once we did we made a stop in a supermarket and my mom was trying her hardest to get me to help she started getting frustrated and threatened me with something I didn't want(won't get into specifics). As I pushed the cart forward, the world caved around me. I stopped hearing sounds, and I couldn't move. It was straight out a movie/tv show. I froze up. I ran out of the store, and then it got worse. When I looked outside, it didn't look real I was hit with a big wave of dissociation but this time it was mainly (derealization) the world was wrong, everything was wrong I broke down in the car and I was brought home and I layed in the couch and stayed bed bound for the rest of the day. My mom finally took me to the hospital to check out what was wrong with me, and they found absolutely nothing wrong with me. They recommended me to a psychologist and sent me on my way. After this point I counted every day until the psychologist appointment like my life depended on it, I just wanted to be fixed and normal again, once the day arrived they recommended I got on zoloft, and to cut it short, it did not work I had a manic episode where I was to happy and erratic and stopped taking it under doctor permission and that's the last time I took meds
At this point, it's around December or so (memories are iffy around everything pertaining to DP/DR, but it's near the end of November, maybe? I had also celebrated Thanksgiving and found out the conditions name as well as the reddit)
Month 2~3: Every day I was spending time on my phone I was laying down in the living room, my screen time had jumped up from 4 hours a day to 16-18, sometimes the phone wouldn't cut it because the thoughts got to me and I would stare blankly at walls being unable to understand what was wrong with them, my only times of peace was when I was asleep, if I did anything and I mean ANYTHING something as simple as moving my hair out of my face would set me off for hours leaving me in a rumination rabbit hole that I cannot even begin to describe, going to the bathroom was unimaginably scary and difficult because the simple act of even walking was terrifying. Sometimes, I would get up to reconnect my phone charger or get a snack, and then I would freeze up. I would be locked in place standing up, staring at the floor, thinking of a million terrible thoughts. When I explained the condition to my parents, they just couldn't understand what was going on. I hadn't been to my room since the market incident, one peculiarity bad day I woke up in the middle of the night, with a mix of grogginess and the DP/DR my actions felt so disconnected that I started flailing my arms around like an insane person and ran to my parents room and walked with them to try to calm down, but it just didn't work. Something in my head clicked and I had fully convinced myself "oh I really don't have free will" I mindlessly walked away from my parents and sat down on the couch and looked around and it still haunts me today, I started screaming my lungs out. Once I had stopped screaming, i looked at my parents with disbelief thinking I had finally gone crazy I kept repeating to them, "I started screaming" over and over again, and they decided to take me to the ER
I was in the ER for only a day, but that was one of the worst days of my entire life. The first thing that happened was I got checked in and had all my clothes removed and put in hospital clothing that I could breathe through. I was anxious being in the hospital my mom could only be with me for a few hours and worse my bed was too small for me and it was in the middle of the hallway where I could hear everything, of course I had a big wave of DP/DR hit me and this really kind nurse came over and consoled me and held my hands to keep me sane I was explaining to her what was going on with me, I don't remember what I said word for word but I do remember some parts, I said
"I know I look crazy but I'm still here. Everything feels fake. I don't even feel like i'm talking to you, but I'm still here,"
They injected me with a drug to calm my nerves and lower my anxiety, which did, in fact, lower my anxiety, but I was left with just a feeling of dread and nothing more. When I got home after the ER visit, I once again returned to the couch and returned to the same routine of using my phone and sleeping
Month 4~5: Everyday now was filled with the same constant thought every waking moment "this is wrong'' every second this thought would pop up in my head and it's the only thing I thought, at this point I was moving around more and had developed this twitch for some odd reason, I would twitch both my shoulders up every few seconds I truly felt insane and looked it too, one day I stopped feeling emotions it was just 😶 I was left with this sense of terror and fear without the terror and fear? It's strange, and I hated every moment of it. This continued on for a while. I slowly started to realize that nothing was helping and no one could help me besides myself, I started slowly exposing myself to the outdoors little by little, first I would stand in front of the front door and then sit down, then I would step outside the house onto the steps and look around for a few seconds without my phone, I started leaving my phone and walking around for 30 seconds not a lot but felt like a lot, then one day i was telling my mom about my progression and telling her that if I don't take a hold of my fears then I'll never get better, after that I stood in front of my room door for at least 30 minutes just psyching myself up to at least enter my room and stay in it for a few moments. That was the best decision I ever made, I sat down on my bed and had a good cry for a few minutes.
Slowly I started going outside more, I started putting on music and dancing to it in the dark just to prove that I was doing it, these little steps were paying off, now was my DP/DR gone, No it was ever present and was with me 24/7 but these things I was doing was lessening the symptoms at least, one day I had finally FINALLY slept in my room again it took me a few more days to finally get comfortable to actually stay in there for a majority of the day. I started getting on my computer little by little, too, and speaking to my friends briefly.
Final months: I was in my room all day, I was finally going to therapy, I was going out for runs, I was talking to my friends of course the DP/DR was still present but it had lessened to the point where I could live a little. Now, I'm back to being me and started to get productive once again and trying to start coding again.
I think I'll have to give it a few more months this for the lingering effects to wear off, considering im being evicted it's understandable why it's it's not fully gone, I'm still a lil stressed but overall it's barely present in my day, when It does sprout its ugly head it's usually just slight derealization and what do I do? I accept the feeling and move on with my day. God, I hated people who said that to me, and I think that truly only works when you start recovering.
I glossed over some events (there's a lot) and some symptoms. I'll make a list of symptoms here. I'll leave you with this. Try to make a list of fears, face them one by one very slowly, or find other ways to cope. Every little step counts. Get sunlight for the love of God, and do everything on your own accord. Don't only go out when you need to. Just go outside sometimes or do something sometimes without the input of an outside party, oh AND GET OFF THE SUBREDDIT
I'm comfortable in my own home and feel better. Good luck you got this
Here's some symptoms and fears for those who are curious: Time felt distorted My body parts would sometimes feel too big or small People would feel like robots I would feel like a robot Depersonalization and derealization Time would sometimes feel slow I felt like I would be falling in and out of consciousness (feeling not actually) Twitching Rumination Existential thoughts nonstop Fear that I would hurt myself Fear that I would lose control Fear that nothing was real Everything felt like a video game Feeling that I could at any moment like vanish Lose of emotions Numbness Repeated phrases in my head Out of body
And so much fucking more, when I list out all these things at look at them I wonder how I fucking did it sometimes
submitted by ComfortableOk3010 to dpdr [link] [comments]
It's been 6~8 or so months, from delusional thoughts, nonstop ruminations, totally disconnected, screaming fits, bedbound and so much more to now laying on the floor listening to my favorite band disregarding scary thoughts and enjoying my day.
(Sorry for the bad spelling, English IS my first language, and I just suck)
(TW?: philosophies pertaining to free will)
Here's a reselling
Month 1~2: Week 1~2: It had already been a stress filled week, full of panic attacks, I had been worried about going blind and a bunch of other irrational things and then one day as I was brushing my teeth I was questioning if we really had free will over our actions at all. It may have been a mix of all the stress accumulating throughout the week, but that day, I had the biggest panic attack ever convinced that I might not have free will. I ran to my parents' room and started panicking over my free will and all that, and then it happened I dissociated(depersonalization). I didn't feel in control of my actions which was just the perfect cherry on top of my fear of not having free will it's almost funny how that made the perfect shit storm to fuck me up it
I tried to sleep it off thinking I'd be fine tomorrow, I woke up feeling disconnected I was terrified, I tried to ignore it and go onto my computer and talk to my friends but as I played a game with them I just didn't feel like I was playing and it freaked me the hell out, I was also experiencing headaches at the time which made me think that I may have had a cancerous tumor in my brain or something. This anxiety about my head would not leave my mind it was plaguing me, I slept in my room for a few more days ruminations about cancer and that persistent fear of not having free will plagued me, everyday ever single fucking day when I woke up I would have a new symptom. I was so afraid of being even a room away from my parents that I started sleeping on the couch in the living room, and I just sat there all day.
Week 3~4: One day my mom forced me to go out thinking that it would help as now she started to notice that i've gotten worse and not better over the days, she forced me to go to some big market place full of mirrors and people. Some of you who have DP/DR that mirrors are just something you should avoid until your more stable, there was mirrors of ever corner I turned each time I saw myself I was terrified and seeing the reflections of everything was making me anxious and uneasy, I was rushing to leave this marketplace once we did we made a stop in a supermarket and my mom was trying her hardest to get me to help she started getting frustrated and threatened me with something I didn't want(won't get into specifics). As I pushed the cart forward, the world caved around me. I stopped hearing sounds, and I couldn't move. It was straight out a movie/tv show. I froze up. I ran out of the store, and then it got worse. When I looked outside, it didn't look real I was hit with a big wave of dissociation but this time it was mainly (derealization) the world was wrong, everything was wrong I broke down in the car and I was brought home and I layed in the couch and stayed bed bound for the rest of the day. My mom finally took me to the hospital to check out what was wrong with me, and they found absolutely nothing wrong with me. They recommended me to a psychologist and sent me on my way. After this point I counted every day until the psychologist appointment like my life depended on it, I just wanted to be fixed and normal again, once the day arrived they recommended I got on zoloft, and to cut it short, it did not work I had a manic episode where I was to happy and erratic and stopped taking it under doctor permission and that's the last time I took meds
At this point, it's around December or so (memories are iffy around everything pertaining to DP/DR, but it's near the end of November, maybe? I had also celebrated Thanksgiving and found out the conditions name as well as the reddit)
Month 2~3: Every day I was spending time on my phone I was laying down in the living room, my screen time had jumped up from 4 hours a day to 16-18, sometimes the phone wouldn't cut it because the thoughts got to me and I would stare blankly at walls being unable to understand what was wrong with them, my only times of peace was when I was asleep, if I did anything and I mean ANYTHING something as simple as moving my hair out of my face would set me off for hours leaving me in a rumination rabbit hole that I cannot even begin to describe, going to the bathroom was unimaginably scary and difficult because the simple act of even walking was terrifying. Sometimes, I would get up to reconnect my phone charger or get a snack, and then I would freeze up. I would be locked in place standing up, staring at the floor, thinking of a million terrible thoughts. When I explained the condition to my parents, they just couldn't understand what was going on. I hadn't been to my room since the market incident, one peculiarity bad day I woke up in the middle of the night, with a mix of grogginess and the DP/DR my actions felt so disconnected that I started flailing my arms around like an insane person and ran to my parents room and walked with them to try to calm down, but it just didn't work. Something in my head clicked and I had fully convinced myself "oh I really don't have free will" I mindlessly walked away from my parents and sat down on the couch and looked around and it still haunts me today, I started screaming my lungs out. Once I had stopped screaming, i looked at my parents with disbelief thinking I had finally gone crazy I kept repeating to them, "I started screaming" over and over again, and they decided to take me to the ER
I was in the ER for only a day, but that was one of the worst days of my entire life. The first thing that happened was I got checked in and had all my clothes removed and put in hospital clothing that I could breathe through. I was anxious being in the hospital my mom could only be with me for a few hours and worse my bed was too small for me and it was in the middle of the hallway where I could hear everything, of course I had a big wave of DP/DR hit me and this really kind nurse came over and consoled me and held my hands to keep me sane I was explaining to her what was going on with me, I don't remember what I said word for word but I do remember some parts, I said
"I know I look crazy but I'm still here. Everything feels fake. I don't even feel like i'm talking to you, but I'm still here,"
They injected me with a drug to calm my nerves and lower my anxiety, which did, in fact, lower my anxiety, but I was left with just a feeling of dread and nothing more. When I got home after the ER visit, I once again returned to the couch and returned to the same routine of using my phone and sleeping
Month 4~5: Everyday now was filled with the same constant thought every waking moment "this is wrong'' every second this thought would pop up in my head and it's the only thing I thought, at this point I was moving around more and had developed this twitch for some odd reason, I would twitch both my shoulders up every few seconds I truly felt insane and looked it too, one day I stopped feeling emotions it was just 😶 I was left with this sense of terror and fear without the terror and fear? It's strange, and I hated every moment of it. This continued on for a while. I slowly started to realize that nothing was helping and no one could help me besides myself, I started slowly exposing myself to the outdoors little by little, first I would stand in front of the front door and then sit down, then I would step outside the house onto the steps and look around for a few seconds without my phone, I started leaving my phone and walking around for 30 seconds not a lot but felt like a lot, then one day i was telling my mom about my progression and telling her that if I don't take a hold of my fears then I'll never get better, after that I stood in front of my room door for at least 30 minutes just psyching myself up to at least enter my room and stay in it for a few moments. That was the best decision I ever made, I sat down on my bed and had a good cry for a few minutes.
Slowly I started going outside more, I started putting on music and dancing to it in the dark just to prove that I was doing it, these little steps were paying off, now was my DP/DR gone, No it was ever present and was with me 24/7 but these things I was doing was lessening the symptoms at least, one day I had finally FINALLY slept in my room again it took me a few more days to finally get comfortable to actually stay in there for a majority of the day. I started getting on my computer little by little, too, and speaking to my friends briefly.
Final months: I was in my room all day, I was finally going to therapy, I was going out for runs, I was talking to my friends of course the DP/DR was still present but it had lessened to the point where I could live a little. Now, I'm back to being me and started to get productive once again and trying to start coding again.
I think I'll have to give it a few more months this for the lingering effects to wear off, considering im being evicted it's understandable why it's it's not fully gone, I'm still a lil stressed but overall it's barely present in my day, when It does sprout its ugly head it's usually just slight derealization and what do I do? I accept the feeling and move on with my day. God, I hated people who said that to me, and I think that truly only works when you start recovering.
I glossed over some events (there's a lot) and some symptoms. I'll make a list of symptoms here. I'll leave you with this. Try to make a list of fears, face them one by one very slowly, or find other ways to cope. Every little step counts. Get sunlight for the love of God, and do everything on your own accord. Don't only go out when you need to. Just go outside sometimes or do something sometimes without the input of an outside party, oh AND GET OFF THE SUBREDDIT
I'm comfortable in my own home and feel better. Good luck you got this
Here's some symptoms and fears for those who are curious: Time felt distorted My body parts would sometimes feel too big or small People would feel like robots I would feel like a robot Depersonalization and derealization Time would sometimes feel slow I felt like I would be falling in and out of consciousness (feeling not actually) Twitching Rumination Existential thoughts nonstop Fear that I would hurt myself Fear that I would lose control Fear that nothing was real Everything felt like a video game Feeling that I could at any moment like vanish Lose of emotions Numbness Repeated phrases in my head Out of body
And so much fucking more, when I list out all these things at look at them I wonder how I fucking did it sometimes
2024.06.09 09:11 bigblueface101 What’s next?
Does anyone else just get thoughts about what’s next?
By that I mean death. Or more simply life.
I am a Christian and have been for most of my life believing in heaven and an eternal afterlife with who I believe to be God. But sometimes when I’m sitting in bed unable to sleep I scroll YouTube and find a video essay about humanity and things that we genuinely don’t know. (Aperture on YouTube btw). The thing we genuinely don’t know is what happens after we die.
I’m writing because I want to create a discussion regarding this topic. sometimes I start freaking out and getting in sweats because my mind and yours can’t truly comprehend death and what is next, unless you can. It’s hard to believe that I’m really here, writing this to you people. Other humans looking at this screen and having thoughts just like me.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Or about other things you think about that get you really thinking.
submitted by bigblueface101 to AdviceForTeens [link] [comments]
By that I mean death. Or more simply life.
I am a Christian and have been for most of my life believing in heaven and an eternal afterlife with who I believe to be God. But sometimes when I’m sitting in bed unable to sleep I scroll YouTube and find a video essay about humanity and things that we genuinely don’t know. (Aperture on YouTube btw). The thing we genuinely don’t know is what happens after we die.
I’m writing because I want to create a discussion regarding this topic. sometimes I start freaking out and getting in sweats because my mind and yours can’t truly comprehend death and what is next, unless you can. It’s hard to believe that I’m really here, writing this to you people. Other humans looking at this screen and having thoughts just like me.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Or about other things you think about that get you really thinking.
2024.06.09 08:29 TemporaryOven1261 Horrible terrible no good very bad date
✨may be considered NSFW✨
I’m sure we’ve all been there…when we had high expectations for a date and they…did not go as planned. And let me just tell you, this was my first date in almost 3 years since breaking up with my last long term boyfriend…
So I met this guy on tinder (I know I know…ugh), let’s call him Joe. And Joe and I seemed to have a similar interest in travel (I hate to not have travel plans). So even though he didn’t mark all of my boxes, he marked the travel box so I gave it a shot and messaged him…I would wait a whole ass day or even a couple days in between responses, and that should’ve been the first red flag.
When we finally made a plan to meet up for dinner, he still took 1-3 business days to respond to a single text. And then when it came down to the night before the date, he asked to push it back a day. I was understanding at the time, because he said he had a zoom meeting that was scheduled last minute for 8pm, and so we agreed to push our date back a day.
We went to this Mexican restaurant that was close to his apartment, and I’m chronically early to everything so I show up like 20ish minutes early, but I go in about 10 minutes before our agreed upon time to get a table, and I was seated almost immediately. And so I sit there and wait…10 minutes go by and he says he’s running just a few minutes late….20 minutes…finally 30 minutes after the time we agreed upon, he shows up…mind you, the waiter had already brought out my drink and the chips and salsa, but I’m still hungry and a little annoyed.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad, we did start to have a good time. Conversation was flowing and the food was good, however the speaker was right above our table so it was difficult to hear each other at times. We agreed to leave and go to a nearby bar so that we could spend more time together. We had a drink there and talked some more. We talked about our interests and jobs and previous and future travel plans, and then we made out on the back patio, typical date stuff…then we decided to go to his apartment.
Things moved pretty quickly after that…until they didn’t. We made out in his loft, then in his bed…and the entire time, he keeps talking about some ex-girlfriend he lived with prior to moving for college…that’s right, he was talking about an ex girlfriend the ENTIRE TIME WE WERE FUCKING AROUND. I’m laying here naked in his bed, and he had the audacity to talk about another girl. (Also, for someone who lived with an ex-girlfriend, he definitely did not know how to take a bra off).
Then he gets his 🍆 out and it’s like…the thinnest🍆 I’ve ever seen and maybe 3-4 inches…now I was not planning to fuck, I even told him that up front, but he kept pushing and pushing and asking “how about a little sex?” And I had to keep telling him “NO”. Who would want to have sex when you keep talking about your ex anyways???
As if that’s not enough, he had some weird fascination with my chin? He spent no less than 15 minutes sucking on it? Not my neck, not my tit…my fucking CHIN. Who does that?! That’s not even the best (worst?) part. While he’s playing with his 🤏🍆 and sucking on my chin, he asks me “where’s your clit?”
✨Insert gif of Dinner for Schmucks here✨
Classic. I will say, his only redeeming factor that night, was that he asked me to put his hand where my clit was….but even that was a bit of a minor win, as he touched it for not even half a minute before he went back to sucking on my chin. At one point he started freaking out because he thought he penetrated me…so unless his 🍆 was actually THAT SMALL, no I did not feel any penetration.
At one point he kept fucking with the bronzer on my forehead and asking questions about it, and I just told him “it’s makeup, leave it alone” and somehow that made him bring up his ex-girlfriend that he lived with for the 200th time, so finally I had had enough and made up some excuse about having to take my youngest sibling to some tryout early in the morning and fucking DIPPED. There are only so many times you can be compared to an ex girlfriend while you’re having your chin sucked.
Needless to say, I made my own happy ending with my 20$ vibe when I got home. And I did not see Joe again. And unfortunately, this wasn’t even the weirdest date I’ve been on. 😩😩
submitted by TemporaryOven1261 to dating [link] [comments]
I’m sure we’ve all been there…when we had high expectations for a date and they…did not go as planned. And let me just tell you, this was my first date in almost 3 years since breaking up with my last long term boyfriend…
So I met this guy on tinder (I know I know…ugh), let’s call him Joe. And Joe and I seemed to have a similar interest in travel (I hate to not have travel plans). So even though he didn’t mark all of my boxes, he marked the travel box so I gave it a shot and messaged him…I would wait a whole ass day or even a couple days in between responses, and that should’ve been the first red flag.
When we finally made a plan to meet up for dinner, he still took 1-3 business days to respond to a single text. And then when it came down to the night before the date, he asked to push it back a day. I was understanding at the time, because he said he had a zoom meeting that was scheduled last minute for 8pm, and so we agreed to push our date back a day.
We went to this Mexican restaurant that was close to his apartment, and I’m chronically early to everything so I show up like 20ish minutes early, but I go in about 10 minutes before our agreed upon time to get a table, and I was seated almost immediately. And so I sit there and wait…10 minutes go by and he says he’s running just a few minutes late….20 minutes…finally 30 minutes after the time we agreed upon, he shows up…mind you, the waiter had already brought out my drink and the chips and salsa, but I’m still hungry and a little annoyed.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad, we did start to have a good time. Conversation was flowing and the food was good, however the speaker was right above our table so it was difficult to hear each other at times. We agreed to leave and go to a nearby bar so that we could spend more time together. We had a drink there and talked some more. We talked about our interests and jobs and previous and future travel plans, and then we made out on the back patio, typical date stuff…then we decided to go to his apartment.
Things moved pretty quickly after that…until they didn’t. We made out in his loft, then in his bed…and the entire time, he keeps talking about some ex-girlfriend he lived with prior to moving for college…that’s right, he was talking about an ex girlfriend the ENTIRE TIME WE WERE FUCKING AROUND. I’m laying here naked in his bed, and he had the audacity to talk about another girl. (Also, for someone who lived with an ex-girlfriend, he definitely did not know how to take a bra off).
Then he gets his 🍆 out and it’s like…the thinnest🍆 I’ve ever seen and maybe 3-4 inches…now I was not planning to fuck, I even told him that up front, but he kept pushing and pushing and asking “how about a little sex?” And I had to keep telling him “NO”. Who would want to have sex when you keep talking about your ex anyways???
As if that’s not enough, he had some weird fascination with my chin? He spent no less than 15 minutes sucking on it? Not my neck, not my tit…my fucking CHIN. Who does that?! That’s not even the best (worst?) part. While he’s playing with his 🤏🍆 and sucking on my chin, he asks me “where’s your clit?”
✨Insert gif of Dinner for Schmucks here✨
Classic. I will say, his only redeeming factor that night, was that he asked me to put his hand where my clit was….but even that was a bit of a minor win, as he touched it for not even half a minute before he went back to sucking on my chin. At one point he started freaking out because he thought he penetrated me…so unless his 🍆 was actually THAT SMALL, no I did not feel any penetration.
At one point he kept fucking with the bronzer on my forehead and asking questions about it, and I just told him “it’s makeup, leave it alone” and somehow that made him bring up his ex-girlfriend that he lived with for the 200th time, so finally I had had enough and made up some excuse about having to take my youngest sibling to some tryout early in the morning and fucking DIPPED. There are only so many times you can be compared to an ex girlfriend while you’re having your chin sucked.
Needless to say, I made my own happy ending with my 20$ vibe when I got home. And I did not see Joe again. And unfortunately, this wasn’t even the weirdest date I’ve been on. 😩😩
2024.06.09 07:52 PieBeneficial1342 Husband libido problems and got mad at me during / after sex
Been married 2 months. My husband used to have a high sex drive. Additionally, he was more into sexually exciting things. We both waited till marriage. We are both under 25. We dated long distance for 2 years talking on the phone everyday and visiting for 3-5 days every 2-3 months. During those times he’d visit, he’d be into sexually exciting things so we only waited for intercourse. He is the one who initiated talking about sex. He used to have a very high libido and would get an erection just hearing my voice and say he is concerned about my sex drive being low.
As time went by he got more stressed and his drives decreased even long distance. He says once I move in all the wedding and family stress will go away and he will be normal. Well he wasn’t. Constantly worrying about work. This caused a lot of arguments, he had energy for everything except sex but I learned to back off and to control my emotions better and have less arguments and he started trying more.
The frequency of sex is okay now but I know he does it to get it over with. He pretends to be happy and excited for it. But he is never willing to do anything exciting. Just on the bed. I suggested other places around the house or different positions and he just says he’s too tired every single time. When I try to tell him what I like he almost never does it.
Today we had sex and it was all fine but during sex I told him my neck hurt from the position , or I told him to go faster or something like that and he got off me. I told him “hey I wanna tell u but don’t get mad, but it would be nice if you were fasteharder etc when we have sex”
He got angry at me and told me “why can’t we just have sex? Stop saying stuff like “faster” or “my neck hurts” or “wanna do this positon” just shut up”
so I told him “okay it’s fine I don’t wanna burden you if you don’t wanna continue”
then he says”when you say that I definitely don’t wanna continue just let it be a burden don’t mention it it’s embarrassing for me” then I just cried because of how he was being mean. He was probably mean because he just wants to get it over with I guess. I only said that because he got angry at me talking during sex.
If we have sex 3-4 times a week, I figured at least he’d have the energy to try different positions or try something mildly new or exciting. But it’s so clear he’s forcing himself. It’s not my looks or attractiveness and I’ve even been journaling to manage my emotions and reduce arguments and I’ve been doing so much better and if improved our relationship
He had a very high libido. We are newlyweds. I’m worried this will not get fixed. We both want to have a child in a year but I don’t want one until this is fixed. It isn’t normal to go from a sex freak to not even wanting to do it in a different area of the house and getting angry that I wanted him to try something more pleasurable for me. He never goes more than one round . He never really cares he just thinks any sex is enough , like “you get what you get” kind of vibe and always gets out of breath even though he is not overweight
Otherwise he is a good husband. Treats me well. But this sex issue has been a problem. I’m scared to initiate because of rejection and I’m scared to ask to try something new because of rejection and that he’ll get mad. I’m done trying talk and fix it or having him “fix” it by forcing himself and planning or scheduling sex . The truth is that it’s a chore to him and he gave me high expectations. I feel lonely and unwanted even though he is a good husband otherwise.
I don’t know how else to go about this. I don’t know how to get him to agree to therapy or a doctor. He loves me a lot he may be depressed because he has mentioned how he is afraid to lose me because of this sex problem and he knows other men would be all over me. He just hears background noise when I suggest therapy or doctor or do more cardio or quit smoking. His idea of “fixing it” is just forcing himself to have sex with me and planning/scheduling thinks everything is fine temporarily then it’s a problem again.
I feel pathetic I’ve been crying all night because I love him and I can’t imagine myself without him but I can’t handle being with someone who is forced to have sex with me. I can’t stand to talk to him because of how mean he was. But I feel so selfish because he truly is an amazing husband except when it comes to sex.
submitted by PieBeneficial1342 to Marriage [link] [comments]
As time went by he got more stressed and his drives decreased even long distance. He says once I move in all the wedding and family stress will go away and he will be normal. Well he wasn’t. Constantly worrying about work. This caused a lot of arguments, he had energy for everything except sex but I learned to back off and to control my emotions better and have less arguments and he started trying more.
The frequency of sex is okay now but I know he does it to get it over with. He pretends to be happy and excited for it. But he is never willing to do anything exciting. Just on the bed. I suggested other places around the house or different positions and he just says he’s too tired every single time. When I try to tell him what I like he almost never does it.
Today we had sex and it was all fine but during sex I told him my neck hurt from the position , or I told him to go faster or something like that and he got off me. I told him “hey I wanna tell u but don’t get mad, but it would be nice if you were fasteharder etc when we have sex”
He got angry at me and told me “why can’t we just have sex? Stop saying stuff like “faster” or “my neck hurts” or “wanna do this positon” just shut up”
so I told him “okay it’s fine I don’t wanna burden you if you don’t wanna continue”
then he says”when you say that I definitely don’t wanna continue just let it be a burden don’t mention it it’s embarrassing for me” then I just cried because of how he was being mean. He was probably mean because he just wants to get it over with I guess. I only said that because he got angry at me talking during sex.
If we have sex 3-4 times a week, I figured at least he’d have the energy to try different positions or try something mildly new or exciting. But it’s so clear he’s forcing himself. It’s not my looks or attractiveness and I’ve even been journaling to manage my emotions and reduce arguments and I’ve been doing so much better and if improved our relationship
He had a very high libido. We are newlyweds. I’m worried this will not get fixed. We both want to have a child in a year but I don’t want one until this is fixed. It isn’t normal to go from a sex freak to not even wanting to do it in a different area of the house and getting angry that I wanted him to try something more pleasurable for me. He never goes more than one round . He never really cares he just thinks any sex is enough , like “you get what you get” kind of vibe and always gets out of breath even though he is not overweight
Otherwise he is a good husband. Treats me well. But this sex issue has been a problem. I’m scared to initiate because of rejection and I’m scared to ask to try something new because of rejection and that he’ll get mad. I’m done trying talk and fix it or having him “fix” it by forcing himself and planning or scheduling sex . The truth is that it’s a chore to him and he gave me high expectations. I feel lonely and unwanted even though he is a good husband otherwise.
I don’t know how else to go about this. I don’t know how to get him to agree to therapy or a doctor. He loves me a lot he may be depressed because he has mentioned how he is afraid to lose me because of this sex problem and he knows other men would be all over me. He just hears background noise when I suggest therapy or doctor or do more cardio or quit smoking. His idea of “fixing it” is just forcing himself to have sex with me and planning/scheduling thinks everything is fine temporarily then it’s a problem again.
I feel pathetic I’ve been crying all night because I love him and I can’t imagine myself without him but I can’t handle being with someone who is forced to have sex with me. I can’t stand to talk to him because of how mean he was. But I feel so selfish because he truly is an amazing husband except when it comes to sex.