Happy belated birthday sayings

why do I act like a jealous controlling psychopath?
Even if she supports a male sports team and cries if they loose a game I feel a bit overwhelmed and now if she says I love that sports then it just clicks something in me and makes me mad..
why do I tend to think only negative
scenarios related to her? but some things mentioned earlier s'he
also feels? is s'he also having these
problems but on small extent?
what can be the traumatic experience that
led my behaviour to this? I can't remember
any
I do need to do my work but how can I?? if I keep getting stuck in this loop of feelings bad and working things out (discussing) and then feeling bad and repeat and repeat... I have big dreamsss!! and all I do is just fking lie thinking how will the mess between us will get solved... not able to concentrate on my work/studies.
how to fix myself and stop building unnecessary walls around him? (trust issues)?
how to be happy independent and self sufficient...self confident is this the solution to all of this?
All of this is getting worse over time.
not able to enjoy a person (joke) or a thing together because I feel scared on what if
she likes or begins to like him.
I wish I could be the only person all the time in her mind (don't want her to admire a person based off what he's good at and whenever she does admire some other guy I compare myself with him trying to be like him)
how to accept the fact that you can't be
the centre of focus all of the time?
how to try to accept things that go beyond my mind's comprehension or understanding (how to be open minded)?
how to control anger and let go of things?
how to stay stay calm in situations that (or seem to) go against me and are repeatedly annoying.
why can't I stand her laughing solefully at other guys jokes ? I feel jealous
TL:DR - I have given all the things I have wrote to myself for the last 1.5-2 months, kindly analyse them and help me find what's the real problem here so that I can work on something because I am lost rn ..

TW- Gross boyfriend behavior I am a junior (next year) in a relatively small marching band of 70 playing the mellophone in a section of 3. I started playing mellophone during my freshman year in basketball band but not in our marching band. I had no previous experience playing an instrument when I joined but I joined because of one certain friend named X. Very soon into my mellophone playing career \ X and I started dating, then not so soon after we broke up.
Our relationship was very turbulent seeing as though we got back together, he cheated with someone who was blackmailing him, and I stayed with him. The relationship was not healthy in the slightest seeing as though he would tell me that it was good to lose weight ect. And somewhere in here he quit his previous instrument and picked up the mellophone. Even while were dating I was very unhappy about this decision, he was taking something I loved doing and making it his own.
Then came leadership auditions, I tried out for section leader and so did he, despite his less than 1 month on mellophone (coming from woodwinds). And my 4 months and had also picked up French horn to get better. He got the role, I believe solely because of his marching band experience because I had a long list of leadership roles to back up my application.
Then came our first marching band season, he would touch my butt in sectionals without permission, make me play to the point of panic attacks, and yell at me for any mistake that I made. Continued I would be the punchline of every other joke in the stands at games, with no one standing up for me. For further context X and the trumpets are best friends and I'm the only girl in high brass.
After I broke off our relationship due to his lack of communication, and generally taking his anger out on me, I thought we could continue being friends. He later called off the friendship due to me "not caring".
Since then I have discussed with our band director about his behavior in general including but not limited to: Making inappropriate jokes about little kids Making fun of other kids Making a kid say the N-Word (The kid was white) Saying the N-Word (He is white) Making fun of me at every convenience Repeatedly telling me how to play french horn and telling me I have no shot of getting into our top ensemble. Off topic but being unfaithful in multiple relationships
My only goal was for him not to be our section leader and perhaps combine with the Euphonium or Trombone group. But alas, that wasn't the case. Now he is making plans for sectionals on days he knows I'm not free and not communicating about them until 36 hours before. My band director will not let me switch instruments under the logic of "If everyone did this would we be better or worse", and my counterclaim is "if everyone did what he was doing I wouldn't be in the band". There is no real solution here, I'm just mad I lost the one thing that made high school fun for me, and since I play the horn the only instrument that my teacher will allow me to play is mellophone. P.S the reason he swapped to mellophone is to quote "I saw it made you happy and I wanted to be happy too"

Hi. English is not my native language so I'm sorry for any mistake I made writing it. Hope I can make it to your YT video and know your reaction cause it kinda bothers me for years. Sooooo I had a classmate. Let's call her Stef. I can't call her a friend. We were 13-14 years old. She dated a guy one year older than us for almost 2 months. I'll call him James. It was her first intimate relationship so she couldn't shut up about that guy and every day talked about their s@x life in every detail with anyone who would listen (most of the time it was me cause I tried to be around with anyone in my class and she was the popular girl. I didn't like her at all but she had a pretty nice group of friends, who I liked more than her). Stef always told me "you should try it too"," stop being so negative about boys and s@x". She was Regina George type of girl. Really pretty but really passive aggressive. She talked about everyone she knew behind their back. Even her best friends. She called one of them "too boring" cause she was a good girl really well mannered. And other best friend "too manly" cause she played sports. Stef every day found something about them boring or too stressful and complained to me. But she always played a game worm-cold and one day was nice to me but the next day react like I'm the worst human ever. James went to the same school as us and I saw him sometimes but never talked to him. After a month of her talking about their s@x life, they broke up. I can't really remember why. She was really upset but never cried. Month passed and he suddenly approached me. I listened to him about how their relationship were bad and based on s@x. Then James tried to hug me, then kiss me and day after day "conquered" a new territory. We've never had devil's tango tho, but we had some things. First hug/kiss I asked "and what about Stef? " and he told me it's okay and they've broke up and never getting back together. It was my first relationship even though none of us called it that. Stef continued talking about their s@x life in school and how good he was in bed. Honestly I never liked him, he's not my type but he was the first guy who actually tried to win me over. James was shorter than me and looked like a m@th addict. He was really pushy in everything. It almost felt like a r@pe even though I was going there myself. I can't describe why or how, but he had a sedusive behavior and I was a moth to the flame. He always wanted more and more, without askinge if I'm ready. I didn't liked Stef as a friend and never liked him but her non-stop bragging about him made me think "ok, I'll try it too". Now I think I was NOT ready for any of this. And I thought that this not-relationship sh!t going too long (for almost 2 months)and if I don't like a guy I should talk to him and end it. As I walked to his house my phone rang. My mom screamed at the top of her lungs "are you a wh0re? You did all of that with James? ". She's a religious woman and I can't remember her being more mad at me. She received a phone call 10 min ago telling her all the things we've done and laughing hysterically. I called him and he didn't pick up and blocked my number. In the morning in school I found out Stef and James are dating again. And she was really smiley (I can't call her happy cause her smile was more sadistic than happy). I talked about all that happened to another girl in school which I knew from childhood. I talked about James being pushy and me wanting to break up with him and mom's phone call. Than next day James caught me in women's locker room, grabbed me by my shoulders, pinned me to the wall and told me he's heard that he almost r@pe me. I just left. The friend I told that story before told that to Stef. Next years she always made fun of me liking someone and told my crushes "it's too bad you're liked by her". Other people saw her treating me and treated me the same. Always making fun of everything I do. I know I sound weird saying I did that because Stef always talked about him and said I should try being in the relationship too. And him approaching me all of the sudden and his pushy behavior. Later I've heard the rumor that I was Stef's and James's bet. I have no idea who is an A hole in that story. Please tell me what you think. P.S. she married him in the 11th grade when she was 18 and now they have two kids. P.S.S. she didn't talked to me or anything just made my life a living hell. P.S.S.S. they didn't break up when she was told our story. And he proposed to her 3 months later. So the only person, who was portrayed as bad is only me. P.S.S.S.S. in one month all our school knew that story and no one (I mean NO ONE) treated him worse, Stef's friends and other people portrayed me as a villain and thought he is the best person ever.

I’m in love with a dude, he sees me as a dude 100% but he’s scared of surgeries and has a bad image, thinks people that get surgery tend to do many cause they’re never satisfied etc doesn’t want me to change cause he loves me like this. But he also says he wants me happy and could obviously get around it if I had a surgery to make me feel better on a daily basis. There’s also the religious aspect where we both think that maybe I shouldn’t change my body like that etc. I don’t want to lose my family so I don’t think I’ll ever medically transition, that’s my choice, but I might have top surgery one day. He sees me struggling with dysphoria and is very understanding but i feel like he gets uncomfortable when I say I want to change my body. I don’t know how to make him understand that I can’t just accept it, it’s not a insecurity that I can work on. Maybe he’s uncomfortable because he knows I need to learn how to live with it since it’s my choice that I won’t do anything to change it and wants to help me face it but I dont see it like that cause I’m just in the dark, idk

Hey im 23f, my girlfriend (28yrs old) and I have been together for about 6 months now. We met three years ago where we were fwb for a couple of months but she ghosted me.
We got back in touch in January and she explained her reasons and they made sense (she’s five years older than me and at the time we were on very different paths although she liked me she couldn’t continue with us).
We never intended to end up dating but the connection and attraction to one and other led us here. My girlfriend has bipolar, she doesn’t talk about it and although I’ve done my research in to the disorder I don’t know how it affects her personally.
I believe things have been going well up until now, although we live a little over an hour away from each other i see her once a week for a couple days and that’s seemed to be really working for us, recently she’s started going out more and seeing her friends (which I’m really happy about because otherwise she just stays at home all day and I know the importance of social interaction).
I was due to see her today and she hadn’t messaged me all morning, and then when I messaged her she responded a good few hours late saying how; she needs some space as she’s feeling quite overwhelmed with everything.
I wanted to clarify what she meant by this as I know she had been out to see a friend in the morning and thought that maybe her social battery levels were running low. She then stated she doesn’t know what she wants and that the relationship had been off for the past couple weeks. Which honestly I just can’t see being the case as the last time we saw each other it was so lovely and I really felt like the relationship was developing even further.
So my question is, I know it’s a little amount of information and there’s things missing but, does it sound like she’s potentially having an episode and is feeling overwhelmed by this? She’s making an effort to see friends and be social…I just can’t see the relationship being the reason for her acting so strange. I told her that she needs to get back to me by tomorrow afternoon as I need to know where I stand.
I have left her to it given her the space she wants but I’m worried, that if this is genuinely an episode or she is feeling low I want to be there for her although I know she’s not one to ask for her help.
Anyway I guess I just want advice on how to approach the situation. Tia

I’ve been with my fiancé for about two years. he was so loving running to the door when I get home from work but all changed all of a sudden he sent me a text message saying he wanted space at first I thought I just could pick up two days so I wouldn’t be home only just be there to sleep, just had a little bit more context I do all the chores around the house clean make sure he has food and not interrupt him when he’s playing video games or D&D but he told me want me out of the studio completely. he seems not to care at all and he knows I have no family but I’m very close with his family. I asked how long do you think you need so I may stay at a hotel till then but he couldn’t guarantee or give anything estimate. he just told me he needed time and not explained to anything to me or understanding the situation that he put me in. he told me not to talk to his family not to involved. I asked him if he could stay with his family and being around by himself, but he said he doesn’t wanna leave the studio that we both have our name on. when he finally opened up, he said when I asked him what can we do to work on a relationship to make it stronger? it woke him up inside and he couldn’t explain it to me. He said that he always made other people happy before himself. just today he talked to me saying he doesn’t know what kind of person he’s going to be when he comes out of this and he doesn’t even know what love is and and would I be OK? Being a girl with benefits literally was speechless. Since previously, he said he wanted to be married and have kids and a house together. I think he saw this expression on my face when I got sad and and he said that he cares for me more than he cared for anyone. He only feels happy around me and cares when I’m sad, but he doesn’t know if it’s love. I decided to still give him some time, but I also need time to think now so I went to his grandparents house since they didn’t want me to go to shelter. Family is up-to-date on him or ask him questions unless he seems to be shrinking into a depression. am I in the wrong for going to the only place that I felt safe to go?
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My parents broke up when I was a teenager, as my Dad left my Mom for another woman. This completely destroyed her even though their relationship in many ways was very emotionally abusive (my dad towards my mom) and my dad in some ways filled a father role to my mom. It would take a month to explain the intricacies so I’ll stop there.
Anyway, my brother who is 5 years older was already gone to another city in university and I was left to “pick up the pieces” of my mom. She tried very hard not to show me how broken she was, but I heard her crying each night in the tub, saw her lose an alarming amount of weight out of grief and trying to become more attractive to him, I saw her pine for him for up to 20 years. She never moved on. She has never dated another man.
She has moved to where my husband and child live to be near us (across canada) and has been an incredible support. We adore my mom and she has always been very healthy for the most part (always drank too much in my opinion to cope with worry and sadness)and active, joining us on the daily.
I always talk to her when I walk to work, and one morning she didn’t pick up. I instinctively felt like something was wrong and called until she picked up, sounding very groggy and disoriented. I initially thought she had a stroke as she sounded confused and barely made sense. I called an ambulance and ran home, my husband and I drove to her house. She had sepsis, and was covered in purple bruising. To make a long story short, her organs were shutting down, and she almost died many times in the month she was in the hospital. If I hadn’t called her she likely would’ve died .
She is back home now, however I am constantly worried for her, as many time I felt I had to advocate for her in the hospital. I worry as she lives alone and keeps experiencing issues with her heart, kidneys, etc. She is a different person now; walks hunched over, has lost 30 lbs, even sounds different but she is trying her best to feel stronger, exercise and following doctor’s orders.
My question is, do you ever trust the doctors and draw a line for yourself worrying nonstop or is this the way it is? I lost a baby at 38 weeks 2 years ago, so I definitely have trauma, but almost losing my mom many times in a month was horrific too, and I’m not sure what I should do. She is independent and doesn’t like to “bother” us, which is why she got sepsis in the first place; being very sick for a day and not telling us, thinking it was just the flu.
I’m having difficulties letting her live her life and not being controlled by me, ensuring everythjng is being taken care of.
I’m rambling but I’m feeling very scared when each day it seems something new pops up. Now she is saying her back hurts and is worried it is her kidneys. When does the worrying end and trust in the doctors start?
Thanks for anyone who read this long ramble.
I love my mom but have always felt very responsible for her happiness and safety since my dad left. My worry is seeping into everything in my life and I feel alone in this.
Thanks again ❤️

I just think it’s crazy people, particularly the cast mates, want to speak up now as if these aren’t the same people who supported her through losing a child for the second time after chasing him with a mf machete. Like, why was Briana ok sitting up with a deadbeat mother until now? Did Amber calling her child a “dick” really strike a nerve more than her physically and verbally abusing literally everyone else? ON CAMERA? This is the most TM has been talked about in years outside of the usual audience, so I feel like people are just going with the audience to avoid backlash. Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter truthfully. I hope Amber is sulking in guilt (she’s not).

A long read, may have posted bits of this already months back but still struggling. I really appreciate anyone who has the time to read and comment.
Last year I was seeing a “trauma informed integrative creative arts therapist” at $225 a week out of pocket. I was only able to swing it because my insurance offers 80% reimbursement for out of network benefits, and I was in dire straights and needed specialized help. I chose her because her Psychology Today profile, website and public social media made her seem more sophisticated and knowledgeable than the vast majority of therapists in my area by a long shot. I was already using art as a means of therapeutic self expression so I was excited to try her integrative art therapy approach. Through her professional (?) social media I was able to see that we both liked the same kinds of plants, music, similar political leanings, interest in ecology and environmentalism, and fashion. She’s very beautiful, well read, well spoken and charismatic. Prior to seeing her I had a string of therapists that were utterly useless and couldn’t help me, and I felt like I’d finally found the one. She said some things during our first session that stood out to me. “I’m not here to pass judgement.” Good! But then, “Well, I mean, everyone passes judgment, we’re all human.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that but I just overlooked it. Then she said, unprompted “people just come up to me and tell me about their lives” with a very self congratulatory tone. My immediate thought was that this woman must have some kind of magic touch. Surely she’d help me.
And she did! Somehow during that time I felt significantly better, which baffles me because she also hurt me badly. I spent the next 18 months on a rollercoaster ride with her. She contradicted herself often. She self disclosed needlessly, and seemed to be imposing her worldview. We misunderstood each other to a degree I’ve never experienced with anyone else in my entire life, but I figured I must just be stupid or crazy. She made unprompted statements like “I’m reeeeally good at what I do”, “I’ve had many clients who are extremely wealthy”, and when she heard what my salary is she audibly gasped and said “I pay my babysitters more than that! Oh my god!”. She was exceptionally ignorant on matters of economic class, though she would say otherwise. It was very clear to me through her unprompted self disclosures that she is wealthy, traveled the world several times over since childhood, and only had a very superficial awareness of how the other half lives. All of her statements regarding money made me feel smaller than an ant. I told her that I hope to own a home one day because my partner has the privilege of getting an inheritance someday. When I said a number she flat out said “that’s not feasible.” It actually is, she just couldn’t imagine it. When I spoke of my desire to be a mom all she did was talk about how expensive kids are because they need camp and a good pre school etc. I described to her that I grew up lower class and lack of camp is not what fucked me up (lol) and that lots of kids are still happy and healthy even without rich parents. She got really weird after that, like she didn’t know how to respond. She also said “we started ours at 2 because we value early education” as though people who can’t afford to send their kids to fancy private preschools don’t value early education just as much. It’s just inaccessible to them. I forget the context but she once said about me and my husband “I know you guys are like socialists or whatever, but…” while rolling her eyes, but I’d never once mentioned my political affiliation. During one session, she went on this weird monologue about how “scientists are proving that reality isn’t real” and “reality is different for everyone” when I tried talking about the gaslighting I experienced as a child. It was so bizarre. I asked her if she thought I had BPD and she said no because if I did I’d be using a lot more black and red colors in my art….!!??!??! She had me read The Untethered Soul, which was okay but to truly implement its teachings one would have to have basic financial stability. She acknowledged this but used the example of “a mom with five kids in the Bronx” as the kind of person who wouldn’t get much out of the books contents. I felt like saying “or young people who live right here in our town like me and most of my friends, actually.” I am sure I was her poorest client, just lucky enough to have a government job that provided insurance with OON benefits. Still, the reimbursements came in very slow, and I regularly gave her my very last dime until the next pay day. I relied on her to email me receipts to submit to my insurance company which I needed to remind her to do literally every time.
Now here’s where it gets real bad. I was having issues with my husband so she had us sign waivers so she could talk to his therapist. She told me she wouldn’t be able to tell me the contents of their discussions, which makes perfect sense. Except she did. A lot. And it turned out she exaggerated and possibly outright lied. The advice she gave me always lead to further conflict with my husband. I was confused because what she said his therapist said didn’t match up with what HE said his therapist was saying to him. It got to a point where I was put in a position to have to lie to my husband: either I tell him what his therapist allegedly said about him to my therapist, destroying his trust in him, or I lie. I wasn’t willing to do either of those things.
I decided I’d had enough, so I wrote her an email that was very direct but not unkind in any way. I needed to make her aware that the dynamic she created with my husband and his therapist was harmful, that her remarks about money alienated me, and that I had reminded her a total of three times to send me a receipt for reimbursement and that I should not be responsible for having to remind her again. We had our session the following day, and it left me in tears and feeling crazy. She denied that she broke confidentiality (I have it in a text message so nice try), said “who are you to school me on economics” with a really mean tone, and basically berated me for an hour while I sat there crying. It was INSANE. I never went back. I never reported her.
Since then I haven’t been able to shake it despite working with a wonderful new therapist. I am stuck on how strangely charismatic she was, that I never regretted giving her my last dime even though she made me feel bad, and somehow she also made me feel sort of high? I thought she was so cool, and she seemed to think I was cool. I am sure there was countetransference to a degree. In hindsight there were a lot more red flags. She would talk about “clean eating” and remark that American food is poisoned and gluten is bad etc. all unprompted and out of her scope of practice. She used a lot of new age lingo despite me telling her that didn’t resonate. Made a lot of comments about her own opinions and worldview on various topics. Her social media is very much all her, photos and videos of her, it just seems like she wants to be somebody’s guru. Her history doesn’t line up either - she claims she has 21 years experience as a therapist but told me she’d left the field for a while and worked in fashion for a time, but she’s not old enough for that to add up unless she literally only took a few months hiatus which I guess is possible.
The weird thing is, I spent months thinking she was the best person. I did feel better in terms of my self confidence when it came to expressing myself… but in hindsight it wasn’t her, it was me. I did all that work. Maybe it was the art. But why did I give her so much of what little money I had for so long? Why did I stay on that roller coaster? Put up with her contradictions and unethical behavior? I literally feel like I left a tiny cult.
The contrast between her and my current therapist is wildly stark. My current therapist is refreshingly boring and I know next to nothing about her. She has no public social media presence. She never makes me feel judged or bad about myself, ever. Shes also out of network but SHE submits the receipts to my insurance company FOR ME and waits for them to pay her the full amount…. And I just give her my copay. I didn’t even know an out of network provider could do that. Now therapy is truly accessible to me.
I still don’t know what to make of what happened. Unfortunately I have to see my ex-therapist as she is a frequent patron where I work, and I found out she has a new office literally a block from my home. It’s in a little cottage on the grounds of the Unitarian church I used to belong to and was thinking of going back… welp, not anymore. Ugh.
She fucked with my mind and I am still messed up from it. Her public persona is somehow troubling to me, like it’s fake and she’s trying to reel people in. Something about her “coolness” and palpable overconfidence is very off-putting. Cult leader-like. I’m embarrassed to keep bringing it up to my current therapist because I have so many other BIG issues to work on, and I feel like I should have let this go.

TLDR: I am contemplating to quit since my girlfriend is not at all reciprocative of my efforts. I have traveled 5 times to meet her in the last 10 months, travelled to meet her on my own birthday so that I could be with her only to hear shit.
I have been in a very serious relationship for the past one year with this extremely gorgeous, smart, ambitious lady I met over bumble. She was here for some work when we matched. Just to give you some hint we are in an LDR since the beginning and I live in Jaipur and she lives in Hyderabad. We are doing fairly well in our careers and although she’s in banking, she still manages to squeeze sometime for me.
We met for the first time in may last year and since then I’ve been flying all the way to Hyderabad every 2nd month to meet her. We decided to do this since I live with my parents and she lives alone and hence would be easy on the pocket as well. The flight tickets were split initially but after a couple of times we stopped discussing this (stay with me on why did I bring this point out). We would have our fights but they were the normal ones where she’d point out that I’d not give her apt time.
Things which actually hurt me a lot:
When I went to celebrate my birthday with her, she had mentioned that she has planned a plethora of things which I liked but deep down I knew this wasn’t possible and I jokingly mentioned the same and she brought hell on earth when I said this, she mentioned that I think very low of her and shows the mindset I have towards here. Ff to my birthday, I was greeted with a couple of cupcakes at midnight and a watch and a hug and a birthday kiss. On my birthday, I just asked her if she could take half a day off so that we could spend sometime together but since she was working on a very important deal, she couldn’t take the time out and hence nothing happened, we stayed home the whole day while she’d work and I’d sit on the couch wondering what to do. She took out a couple of hours in the evening and we did go out but that was it, her dear laptop accompanied us there as well.
A couple of months later (we hadn’t met bc I was busy with work with some important projects and hence I could not fly to Hyderabad), I took 10 days off since I really missed her a lot and I flew on a friday night to surprise her, I reached her place at 2:30 am, although she was happy, after 15-20 minutes or so she mentioned that I have spoiled her weekend plans by my abrupt arrival (I was supposed to meet her on a Sunday afternoon but I arrived on Friday night at 3) and I felt extremely horrible about this. We had decided to head for dinner but she never showed any interest, all we did was have sex and order in food and I didn’t like it a bit. I finally confronted her on Wednesday and told her that I am not liking this where she mentioned that I cannot dictate what to do and I cannot ask her to take an off from work and be with me, she mentioned that she doesn’t have the time to go out and rather likes staying in with me. She did realise her mistakes and we did go out the next few days but that was it.
The final nail in the coffin was when I again went to meet her and we went shopping, both of us like this one particular jacket and while I usually pay, I got an impromptu call and I had to take it, I was in a very chirpy mood since this was one of the very few things my girlfriend had gifted me so I was on cloud 9. A couple of months passed by and we were having a very serious fight and she mentioned that she does not like a lot of things about me and that I assume a lot, she mentioned that she never gifted me that jacket and it was a mere assumption and asked me to return the money which I immediately did
There are a lot of other things she said which I’ll avoid. She’s been an amazing partner barring these things, she’s smart ambitious and I love how logical she is about everything but this just hurt me a lot and I am contemplating if it’s even worth it

Hey everyone,
I’m struggling with some issues in my long-distance relationship and could really use some advice or insight. My boyfriend and I have been together for a 8 months now, and we try to see each other at least once every two months. We’re constantly on call with each other, so I know he isn’t cheating. However, things have changed a lot since we first got together, and I’m feeling really neglected and unsure of what to do.
When we first started dating, he was incredibly loving and attentive. It was his idea to celebrate our month anniversaries with bouquets of flowers, long paragraphs expressing his love, and showering me with snacks and gifts. I would send him gifts too. But as time went on, these gestures dwindled. Our last month anniversary, I didn’t receive any gifts or a paragraph. He had promised to buy me food, but I ended up buying it myself after feeling light-headed from hunger and repeatedly telling him I was starving. He later claimed I turned down his offer to buy food, which I never did, and then said he was going to pay for the food I had already bought. I turned him down because I was already upset.
He hasn’t given me flowers in over five months, and the last time he did, it was a fake flower he gave me after realizing I had bought him a gift for our anniversary and he hadn’t gotten me anything. I haven’t received a compliment from him in ages, whereas I get more compliments from random people at work. We haven’t been intimate in two months, which used to be a daily thing, because he says it’s something that gets in his way and he deals with the health side of it on his own time.
I’ve noticed that after each of our visits, he becomes more distant and less romantic and sexual with me. I’ve confronted him about this and asked if he’s still attracted to me, and he insists that he loves me and is insanely attracted to me. We usually play games together, which is how we met, but recently, I’ve had to ask him if he wants to play, and he prefers watching shows instead. When we do play games, he often watches shows or listens to music to distract himself. We used to just sit and chat or hang out, but now he can’t even do that without starting a show.
What really stung was when I was at work and saw him playing games with his friends on Xbox. He had his fun, silly personality back and was actually engaging with them without a show on in the background. He recently told me that I come second to his job at the moment. It’s starting to feel like I’m more of a friend who’s always available rather than a partner.
The last time I tried to communicate with him about this he said I need to start making myself happy, and that he can't keep trying to make me happy. I’ve started trying to live for myself more. I’ve lost 20 pounds, and I’m spending more time outside, with my family, and playing with my dog. He has constantly stated communication is key in a relationship, but I’ve stopped talking about being upset with him due to the lack of changes, and he seems to be in better moods now, but nothing has changed for me.
I’m at a loss for what to do. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for reading.

Interestingly I was just in the middle of a 'should I reach out' post since it is feeling like I should/time is right.
Abbreviated story is 18 month relationship which was at its height, giddy happy both of us (and of course like anyone had issues), a month away from birthday I was being asked to by her basically get her an engagement ring. Whirlwind of events around the city, strangers commenting on our connection, one guy tapped us in the shoulder at a bar and said "I've been watching you two, your connection is amazing, you can feel your happiness all the way across the bar, you two look like you've loved one another since you were little children". Which was in fact exactly what it felt like. She made sure I didn't miss the significance "see babe. EVERYONE knows we belong together".
There is a significant age difference which was neither impediment or impetus. We just ... connected. The only times it was brought up was 1) after I met her mom she told me she told her mother the only thing that worried her was the age difference her mom said with the kind of love you found it won't matter and 2) once when we were laying in bed just laughing and vibing she started sobbing uncontrollably "I just realized you are going to die before me and I will miss you sooo much!" (meaning in 30-40 years of being with me).
She was torn between wanting a future with me and being terrified of commitment. She has reached early/mid 30s w/o having more than 8 mos relationship, most shorter. This from a tall pretty very social girl that lived alone for almsot two decades in 4 continents i.e no lack of opportunities. At 8 most told me I was the longest relationship officialy and first man she ever wanted to build a future with., She introduced me to each of her 3 besties whom she said she'd never introduced anyone to in the 5 years she lived her. Met each individually each turned to her independently and said the same 4 words while with us "You are so lucky". Told me one of them waited for the door to close after i walked them home to whirl around and say 'that is the nicest man I ever met and your connection with him is unbelievable'.
At around year mark she started texting me 'Babe do you stlll like me?" and I'd reply "Still? I like you more every moment I spend with you" and she'd break my heart replying "Reeealllllyyy???? 😍😍😍" as in not just happy but SHOCKED I still did.
Pushing for living together, pushing for what amounted to an engatement rind very hard for upcoming birthday after the final 3 months of our 18 mos relationship, 3 magical magical months where I was not only happy for the first time in years but happier than I'd ever imagined. Her as well. She'd text me at 3am about mising me, telling me how comfortable I made her, heck she'd fall asleep in my arms in 30 seconds, she'd facetime me so she could hear my voice while she fell asleep and know i was watching over her. Even up to the last hour I knew her she was pushing for her birthday 'ring'.
Broke up with me via text 2 days later, wanted 'distance' said 'do you think we'll stay in contact'. This girl I was joined to the hip with, 100,00 texts in 18 months, couldn't sleep wo my voice. The more I think about it the more I think SHE was convinced I did not love her and would not get her the ring since she'd repeat it over and over what she wanted.
In any event gave her the space BUT not NC style; texted every couple weeks, knew she was a mess, so just did a hey hope all if going well. After 3 MONTHS of this she broke and started texting me again like she used to; facetimes from bed in PJs, every day everything she did, subways when going to see friends, pics of her food, etc. She was very happy with changed I made. BUT was somehow terrrified to see me even though she'd reach out clearly wanting to then find some reason to back out.
Finally after 3 months of this and close to 3 THOUSAND textss from her and dozens of midnight facetimes she chased me down to my local coffee shop, fisr time I'd seen her in months. She want AWOL the next day basically. When I texted two weeks later she sent me a' sorry been busy at work plus started seeing someone and work is busy'. Last time we spoke. I didn't really buy the 'seeing somoene' since didnt gibe with gathering the courage to see me in person for first time in 6 months right then. Also I'd posted on FB something she could have easily misconstrued as very romantic first date which was not a date at all and might have been bushwacked after finaly gathering courage to see me.
So this brings us to this weekend, exactly 4mos No Contact, two people that shared 100k texts and woman who would hardly keep herself from texting me even after we parted company after 18 hours together. I was thinking of her all day yesterday, posted on FB a day trip I took.
I saw her this am on 'my' avenue where she has not shown her face for 10 mos. Ostensbily lost in texting and didnt see me though I'm sure she had to know. I went back to same cafe later on KNOWING she'd show up. And.. .voila. She did. Sat down, super affectionate funny vibe we always had.
Not sure of next move. Let her reach out. A huge component of our relationship was her always being sure she liked me more, I didn't want to be with her, I wasn't gooing to get her 'ring', she missed me more etc.
Not sure what i want except her back in my life, we made each other quite happy. I could text or wait for her. Sorta sure she showed up to see if I still had feelings or at least didn't hate her. Funny thing is turned out she had read my FB post from yesterday, she inadverntently made a comment making it clear not only she had but had knowledge of my other posts too.

Im 20 hours in and mildly getting into the crucible now. I died many times on my run so far and i can say that about 70-80% of my deaths were me falling down somewhere. Maybe it's me to some degree, but i never had this with any other game so far. Its not even while in combat, well that too, but so so many times just when im just exporing.
I want to climb down a ladder or some roots, even without sprinting sometimes I just jump down. I am a bit impacient but damn sprinting has killed way to many times even for my stupidity. I accidentally jumped down more ledges than i killed enemies at this point. Its also when doing jumping puzzles, the movement doesn't seem to be omnidirectional so a little move one the stick and im facing the complete wrong direction right before i do a jump and miss my target and die.
Please please make the jump less trigger happy.
Also some bullshit moment where a witch will teleport mid weapon swing, my character makes a 100° turn and swings themself of a ledge into death.
So far this game was a lot of fun, but this was the only thing that made me roll my eyes many times.
Also attacks are a bit too sticky imo.

I'm not entirely sure she has full blown BPD, she won't go to a therapist so really I have no way of knowing. But she exhibits mostly every sign.
I loved this girl, and I thought she loved me. The first time she broke up with me it seemed like it came out of nowhere. Just all of a sudden she didn't want to be together and "I deserved someone better." Two days later she comes back and tells me she wants to be a better partner and get therapy. That of course never happened, she was too busy for it a couple weeks later. She told me I was her rock, that she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Over the course of the relationship (only 6 months, so I don't even know why this is affecting me as much as it is) after the first break up we'd get in fights, break up, and get back together within a few days. Usually the fights were over nothing. She started wanting less time together. She started to text me less, but would still act the same or close to the same when we did have time together. Still said I love you, still talked on the phone.
The break up before last was days before her daughter's birthday. It started over nothing and she flew into a rage about how controlling I was, how I judged her. Just yelling about things that I wasn't even aware she thought. We ended things that night. Two days later she asked if I was still coming to the birthday. We talked on the phone and made up. I went to the birthday party, everything seemed fine. That week was probably the best week of the relationship. We took her daughter out, we went out on a date, and it seemed like we were really getting closer than ever before. I came to her work on a Sunday and she came and hugged me tight, told me how much she missed me and loved me, and said she wished she could see me again sooner than she could. Three days later we had plans to see each other. She ignored me for 6 hours and when I finally got a hold of her she tiptoed around being at some other guy's house for a pool party. When I asked her why she did it she just said that we never defined the relationship. I refuted that and then she said that she had said previously she didn't know if she wanted to be in a relationship. She did, the first time we broke up and she came back saying she didn't want to lose me and wanted to be a better partner. She said she loved me every day, how could she think we weren't together? None of it made any sense.
After that day I haven't heard from her. She was watching my instagram stories the days following, I had to remove her, I couldn't stand to see her. I reached out two weeks later to talk and crickets. She's ignoring our mutual friends too. I don't understand it. I don't understand how she could seemingly feel so deeply for me and then throw me away in an instant.
My question is how long does it hurt like this? I keep spiraling over the same thoughts every day. It's been 5 weeks and I'm not sure I really feel any better at all. I don't want to accept this is over for some reason. I feel like I'm just waiting for her to try and come back even though I know she was terrible to me. Does anyone have any similar experiences or just something to help me understand what the process of getting over this looks like? I'm in therapy, but it seems like I'll feel better for a couple days and then everything starts again. It just hurts terribly, and I'm struggling daily.

Hello! I'm a mostly killer main with almost 2k hours. I'm at the point now that using my typical perk build, no matter what killer I'm using or what survivors I'm fighting (even a max-season-rank streamer bully squad with perfectly syncing perks) I always get 2 hooks on all of them and have time to waste before they all escape. Not to mention that happening was also my first game after months.
Now, I understand that in the game you're supposed to actually kill as a technical "win" but hear me out--
When you get a kill, it slows everyone down and makes it easier with each kill. They have less survivors doing gens, and thus slower gen progression. So, leaving more survivors alive means faster gen progress. If all are alive, they finish much faster, making the game harder for you as killer. On top of this, It also feels bad to lose, and people like receiving points. If everyone plays hard all the way to the end but just doesn't get killed after, everyone gets a great game out of it, pushes the limits of their skills, and still walks away with full points happy. (I've made friends instead of toxic post-chat fights)
That being said, a SWF (survive with friends) group vs a killer with equally good perks and skill levels will always end in the killer winning. As survivor, I often get destroyed by someone evidently less experienced just because that's how the game is designed in its current state. (this isn't me being butthurt or anything, I've been analyzing this objectively for over a year)
I'm also not saying this is a bad thing, as feeling powerful when using killer is important for keeping new players, but it's a little too unbalanced for me to ever really want to play survivor unless I feel too OP. I've had many conversations with people who are survivor mains saying "killer is way too stressful" or "killer is too hard for me, that's why I play survivor," and after training them, every single one who started killer with me understood what I meant about the game being killer-sided and multiple times easier when not surv.
As a killer, I've hooked all survivors to the maximum thousands of times in a row, sometimes without perks, of course with exceptions of cheaters, ragequitters, and only actually failing to do so under 30 times over multiple years. I like the game a lot, but I always give feedback saying "please give survivors more viable chase perks like creating scratch marks and throwing off the linear chase, which actually make the game a little less killer-sided. (this would be much more fun for me to fight as and experienced killer too as I don't have to just stand and wait for the last 4m of the 13m game)
Do you feel like the game is survivor sided instead? Maybe killer sided like me? I'm curious to see if others completely disagree with this Please remember to not get too angry about others' opinions, we're just looking at a game design, thanks!

The ending… very bittersweet but on point imo.
I know that there’s the saying that goes like “don’t be sad it ended, be happy it happened “ or something like this. But I still feel kinda sad that it’s over. What a ride. So many funny little moments. So many memorable jokes and one liners. This is the best “sitcom tv” show I’ve ever seen, no joke.
Season 1 remains to be my favourite, with the best episodes - 1x8 and 1x6 are top.
I’m gonna miss these guys. This is one of the few shows or movies I for sure will be rewatching multiple times.

In one week it will be not only our anniversary but the anniversary of telling him I knew. I keep listening to pink's All out of fight and Carly Pearce's we don't fight anymore... and it's mostly true, we don't fight he gets snappy over something stupid and I just shut up, he acts like everything is fine and "he doesn't understand why I seem so sad" while I drag myself through my trauma in my head every day like a wounded soldier in a war zone. So many fights, so many tears, so much biting my tongue and so little progress, so little hope. He gaslighted me every step of the way and made sure I knew I was in the wrong, I was the bad guy every time. I accepted any blame he put on me and added more myself because atleast then I had an explanation of sorts. I accepted every vague response, given him anything he's asked, I followed every request like "not starting a fight" which is ridiculously hard when you're not supposed to hold whats bothering you in but if you say anything he gets defensive or angry, not hurting myself to soothe the pain, not telling anyone "our business". I put everything I have into fixing us, saving our family but it will never be enough. Not when I've been the only one fighting. Every rare chance that I get to check I find something else, like how he followed an Instagram link to onlyfans on my birthday last month, then went back to another OF through Google two days later then wiped his history a few days later. He's keeping his phone close again, taking extra long(20-40min) bathroom visits that he swears was maybe 10 mins and isn't touching me for 2-3 weeks at a time and doesn't seem to notice then blames being tired or the kids or says I didn't seem to want to... it's been a week since the last time already. It sounds so bad and I hate the thought of leaving my kids but I just want to start walking and not stop, no shoes, no coat, no phone, just walk until my feet bleed or I collapse. How long would I be gone before he noticed? Probably when the kids say something or he wants something. I fight the urge to cut myself and numb the pain for a little while but I'll lose that battle too eventually. The kids seem to be taking after him with ignoring me unless they want something so is there any reason to stay? I know I'm too weak to leave anyway so it's all in my head like every letter I'll never send. Not sure why I even bothered writing this so sorry for wasting anyone's time.