This is a cautionary tale and - unlike most of the other reviews on this product - this is a true story and its authenticity can be qualified by a small news item that appeared in the Toronto Star's local news section during the month of April in 2013, much to my chagrin.
I would consider myself a prudent man. Not given to bouts of outspokenness or craving attention, and certainly not one to rock the boat. On any given day I can be found reading a crime novel on a park bench in the middle of the city, soaking in the opulence of nature while nibbling on my tuna fish sandwiches and fending off the voracious gulls and squirrels that threaten to spoil my repose. This is me. Law-abiding and introspective. Which is why it came as a shock to me to find myself incarcerated because of the Devil's Confectionery, Satan's Sweetmeat, Lucifer's Lozenges - the horror that is known as 'Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears".
I'll set the scene: It was late winter / early spring in Toronto and the city had just been digging itself out from a late season snow-storm. I was heading to Pearson International Airport for a redeye flight to Amsterdam in order to give the Dutch arm of our company some training on the new software that had been installed (I'm deliberately being vague to prevent my place of work from being linked in any way to the incident that occurred). I had just finished packing, checked the time and found I was running late, my flight was at 7:10 PM and it was now almost 5:00 PM. Cursing softly, I ran out to the car and threw my bags in the trunk, hitting the gas a little harder than usual in my haste to make it to the Long Term Parking Lot as soon as possible. Luckily traffic was light on the 401 and I made it to the airport in record time, but knew that my chances of making the flight were still at risk if I didn't use my time wisely.
I hadn't eaten since lunch, and I was feeling a bit hungry, my stomach rumbling loudly in protestation, which caused me to look around at the other travellers rushing past me in the busy terminal, mortified that my bodily noises might be heard by others. I briskly checked my watch and decided that I had enough time to grab a quick snack before going through the baggage check and security, and would get something more substantial once I was checked through security. I spotted a vending machine nestled in a relatively low-traffic corner of the terminal and rushed over, already pulling out my credit-card and mentally assessing what I had a craving for so as to save time interacting with the machine. My eyes scanned the colourful array of confection quickly, coming to rest on a tantalizing, rainbow-coloured bag of gummy bears with the simple white and red logo "Haribo" emblazoned across the bag in what appeared to be a slightly tweaked Helvetica Rounded font.
Now I'd to pause here in the story for a moment to underscore the importance of making proper choices. I was hungry. When you're hungry, you should eat FOOD. FOOD is defined as "a nutritious substance that people consume to maintain life", this is what food is. These days, the definition of the word 'food' has been bastardized and the meaning has been broadened to include veritably any material that can be digested, or rather, chewed and swallowed without causing death or severe illness. "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" are NOT food. They aren't even from this planet. I imagine their origins being conceived in a boardroom in hell by a top team of Creative Pain Administers, with senior level Demons rubbing their hands together in ghoulish delight as Hell's Chief Chemist slowly lifts the veil on their new creation.
The point here being, I made a very, very, very poor choice. I pushed the button and the vending machine ejected the brightly coloured bag into my awaiting hands. I had always liked gummy bears - they were bright but rather innocuous, they weren't overly sweet so as to become cloying and - of course - each candy came in the visage of a rather happy, docile bear reminiscent of the picture one's mind's eye holds of all anthropomorphic bears from Yogi to Winnie.
The way I figured it, I was taking a bit of a holiday from life, so I could relax my fastidiously regimented daily schedule a little to allow for some frivolity. After all, I was going to be in Amsterdam come morning with 16 hours to kill before I had to be training the Dutch employees, maybe I would take a trip down to one of the Coffee Shops in the Red-Light District and really let my hair down! No, I wouldn't do that. I would see that area of the city from the bus as I went to the hotel where I would eat at the hotel restaurant and drink sparkling water. So I'd better enjoy the gummy bears, my one extravagance to commemorate my break from routine.
I joined the queue in the KLM line, which was mercifully short, most likely because all of the passengers for my flight had already been checked through as the flight was scheduled to depart in an hour. I checked my watch again, frowned, and absent-mindedly opened the bag of "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" and began to munch on them as the line slowly advanced. To be fair, they tasted fine - just like every other manufacturer's brand of the colourful candy, and they were sugar-free to boot. This is what made the whole incident that followed so baffling - if they had tasted 'off' or 'different' I most likely wouldn't have continued to shovel them into my mouth absent-mindedly while daydreaming about what I would order to eat from room-service in my hotel in Amsterdam.
As I gave the attendant my e-ticket and she weighed my bags, the first of the pains began in my stomach. I thought nothing of it at first, chalking it up to the fact that I needed something more substantial than gummy worms to tackle my hunger, but over the course of the next five-minutes the shooting pain began to come in more rapid succession. At this point, I had my boarding pass printed and rubbing my stomach a little, I proceeded to security. I briefly entertained the thought of trying to find a restroom before going through security, but at that point my discomfort was manageable and I didn't think it was get any worse, certainly not within the amount of time it would take to clear security.
I joined the line and started fishing for my passport to present to the agent checking tickets, I felt a thin sheen of sweat break out on my forehead and underarms, and my features flushed for a moment as a wave of heat washed over me. I didn't pay it much heed as going through security always caused me great anxiety and I chalked it up to pre-flight jitters. It was only as I stood face to face with the agent and handed her my passport and ticket that I had a glimpse of the agony that was about to begin. It felt like time rippled for a moment, as if my consciousness buckled so intense was the pain that fired through my bowels. I grimaced spastically and emitted a low moan, and felt myself take an involuntary step sideways. Stars shot though my head briefly and my vision blurred and then snapped back into focus. The agent was staring at me with slight consternation and asked me if I was alright. I pulled myself together, stood up straight and declared that I was fine, mortified that I had had a lapse of decorum not only in public but at the security clearance in an airport!
As I fumbled off my belt to go through the metal detector, the pain in my stomach increased and I practically had to sit on the floor to take my shoes off, terrified of what would happen if I bent at the middle to do it. It was becoming increasingly more evident to me that this wasn't just a stomach ache. No, this was something much worse. As a child I had had a bout of diarrhea after a trip to Mexico with my family, I remember the feeling of nausea that swept through me before my child self had surrendered to the gas pains and parked myself on the toilet for an hour, shitting until I felt like I didn't have any bones left. And that was how I was feeling now, with several key differences - the pain was worse, the sense of an impending bowel movement was so formidable it gave me temporary amnesia, and it took all of my will-power, all of it, to clench my butt cheeks together to prevent my sphincter from exploding.
A sudden shock of pain racked my body, and I half wondered if I was going to give birth to a Tasmanian Devil. The crazy, fever-induced image of said cartoon animal chasing Bugs Bunny through the splashy, volcanic shit-kettle that was my stomach, caused me to illicit a short, maniacal bark of laughter as I approached the Metal detector, a wild, distant look in my eyes, sweat now beginning to poor off of my like a long-distance runner in Kenya. The security agent on the other side of the detector shot a quick glance over to her co-worker who narrowed his eyes and made a subtle movement towards his holster. My breathing became uneven as I entered the metal detector and I realized with alarm that I had taken off my socks without even registering it, and one of my shirt tails was untucked at the front. I held my breath, my eyes bulging dangerously from my head as the machine scanned me. As I shakily moved forward towards the agent for a pat down, my stomach began to illicit sounds that can only be described as otherworldly. It started off a sort-off bubbling sound heard from afar and grew in pitch and intensity at an alarming rate. My jaw dropped in shock as what I can only describe as the sound of an agonized wailing alley-cat in heat with a persistent Doppler effect added to it's voice emitted from some nether-region of my intestines. The officer's eyes widened in alarm, and she kept her eyes glued to my stomach as she thoroughly patted me down. As she reached my shins, I felt my innards suddenly expand, and plummet towards my rectum. With cat-like reflexes I squeezed my sphincter shut with what seemed like nano-seconds to spare, and I knew, I KNEW that if I didn't get the bathroom immediately I would shit myself.
With a Herculean effort and all of the strength that I could muster, I forced my buttcheeks together knowing that one false move would open the floodgates. I began to walk like a duck, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible, not even caring now what other people were seeing in front of them - a disheveled, barefoot 40-year-old business man, red-faced and bulgy-eyed, sweating profusely, shaking slightly and walking without bending his knees. With single-minded intensity I grabbed my carry-on, shoes and socks from out of the plastic tub that had passed the x-ray inspection, and without putting anything back on, I turned on my heels with the intention of finding the nearest restroom and slowly dying there one squirt at a time.
But that's not what happened.
I turned to go and found myself staring at three armed agents who stopped me and asked if I would follow them. "Why, what's the matter?" I stammered, wincing slightly as the act of speech seemed to strain the tenuous and extremely fragile truce I had negotiated between my bowels and the tempest that raged within. "I have to go the bathroom, RIGHT NOW" I pleaded. "Just follow us please", they said, leaving no room for argument. The other travellers clearing the security check stared with curiosity and revulsion at the spectacle unfolding before them, whispering amongst themselves and hurrying to pack up their belongings and get as far away from me as possible, no doubt assuming that the airport had nabbed some sort of domestic terrorist. If I hadn't been feverishly trying to hold back the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, I likely would have died of shame.
With each step I took towards the room that they ushered me into, I felt that my legs would give way. I marvelled at how strong the human will could be. Marvelled at what was essentially patching a hole in the Hoover Dam with bubblegum could actually be sustained indefinitely. Maybe I would make it through this ordeal after all. The room they brought me into was an examination room. I had pretty much stopped registering details of my environment as my consciousness closed off all but the absolutely necessary functions - breathing, ability to walk - but I snapped back to reality when I heard the snap of rubber. The slow dawning of realization poked through my agony and stoic resolve as I turned to face an agent dawning rubber gloves.
"Sir, we are going to perform a cavity search on you", a young fresh-faced agent stated in a firm but emotionless voice. His short-cropped, blond hair was immaculate and for a crazy moment I wondered if he was an actor and this was all some sort of elaborate practical joke done to amuse bored kids watching Youtube. He must have taken my tortured silence for resistance because he looked at me sharply and said "Lower your pants and underwear please, and face the desk". Panic started to grip me in it's icy grasp and the sudden adrenaline threatened to destroy my sphincters bulwarks and rend my anus in two. I inhaled sharply and with a pained gasp I doubled up my efforts to clench my cheeks together. "Sir, please", I begged deferring to this kid in an act of desperation, "I have to go to the bathroom. You can follow me into the stall if you need to but I had some bad "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" and now I feel like'", but they had stopped listening and smirked at each other, two of the other agents - a tall, dark-haired female and a shorter, balding fat man - looked away from me and I could see them shaking a little as they stifled their laughs. "Sir, face the wall, put your hands on the desk and spread your cheeks" the young agent stated, a lop-sided grin on his face. "But'", I began to protest, and then a fresh shock of pain forced me to stop and lean on the table for support as an ungodly howling rose from my stomach, something between the dying moans of a Wholly Mammoth, and the sound of bubble-wrap popping underwater. I exhaled shakily and my focus began to narrow, as I rallied for the final battle. Shaking uncontrollably and sweat literally raining down onto the tabletop in from of me, I turned to face the wall and heard a meek childlike voice, pleading from somewhere in the room. "Please", it said, and then again, "Please". From somewhere within me my mind recognized that this sound had issued from me, although my consciousness had now begun to separate from my body and I held my breath and prayed to God for strength.
"He probably has some heroin or something up there that opened up", the female guard said as a part of me that hadn't escaped into the ether yet acknowledged that she was behind me to my left, "probably high as a kite, LOOK at him", she said. The shorter guard agreed with a snort, off to my right.
"Spread your cheeks" the young agent said, his voice directly behind me and lower than the other two, "and bend over".
"Pleasegodpleasegodpleasegodpleasegod", I whispered in a desperate, maniacal mantra, not even aware of my surroundings anymore. I felt like I was lost in an opium fog with half-snatched images and sounds filtering through to create a nonsensical version of reality. Another volley of pain tore through me and I involuntarily leaned forward over the desk, my focus completely narrowed now to a spot on the wall two feet in front of me, a curious imperfection in the what seemed to be white-washed stone wall. It was a dark blotch about five millimetres long and shaped like a smiling bear, a yellow dancing bear. No, a green bear. No, red. It was all the colours of the rainbow. My god, it was beautiful.
It just took something as simple as a slight breeze to trigger Armegeddon. That's all. No trumpets, no fanfare, no fire raining from the heavens, no dogs and cats living together in harmony, no finger on the button, no prophet to predict it, no nothing. As I stared at the rainbow bear smiling and dancing in front of me, my mouth agape, drooling, eyes glazed and blood-shot, face coated with a sheen of sweat, I heard the softest sound, an exhalation from the young agent behind me, and then at the same instant the warm air of his breath feather across my butt cheeks. For just a moment, maybe less, maybe a split second, even a nanosecond, I felt the presence of God there with me in that room as neurons began to misfire at a blinding rate, nerve ending bristled and muscles twitched reflexively. I stood on the brink with one foot hovering over the edge, and then without taking a step, I found myself plummeting.
With a sound like an extra large plastic ketchup bottle being run over by a Mac truck, my sphincter released. The pressure of the blast pushed me hard into the desk and the legs of the desk screeched as they scraped across the floor. My body remained rigid for a moment and I experienced a relief that can only be described as orgasmic in it's purity. My eyes rolled back in my head and my tongue lolled out of my head like a half-retarded dog and I emitted a low, sustained groan that grew in pitch as the filthy torrent pushed its way out of my body. Tremors wracked my body and I must have looked like a fish out of water with an endless stream of shit firing out of its ass. Other sounds and sensations started to filter in now as my consciousness began to materialize once more. The muffled scream of a dungeon filled with prisoners near death radiated from my stomach, the rushing sound of litres of liquid trying to escape through an aperture too small to accommodate it all at the same time, the omnipresent sound of chunky liquid spattering against a hard surface with great force, the high-pitched screaming of a woman's voice calling out to God, another voice sobbing uncontrollably imploring to "make it stop!!!" and my own ecstatic, monotone wail.
When my ordeal had eventually run its course, I was left panting for breath and wobbly legged, half-crying, half-laughing with relief, barely lucid and feeling as if I had birthed an elephant. My colon felt like someone had poured chile sauce all over it and then sent in a colony of fire ants to eat it. Through my sobs I heard the sound of dripping, like when the sprinklers are eventually turned off after an office fire, or after a thunderstorm when the willow that overhangs a pond continues to rain down long after the sky has stopped. From behind me, the sobbing continued and I heard someone trying to speak into a walkie-talkie but nonsensical words were all that the man could speak, which sounded like the ravings of a lunatic.
With great relief, I slowly pulled myself off the table, legs trembling, my stomach eliciting one last sound, a loud prolonged gas bubbling that eerily resembled a pig orgasm. I slowly turned my head to survey the devastation and in that instant, if I had had a pencil or some other sharp object, I probably would have gouged my eyes out in revulsion. And the smell. The smell was enough to drive a man insane. It was the stench of rotting potatoes mixed with sulphur and ammonia, cooked in a broth of chicken feces and left to age for two weeks in a yeasty stew at the bottom of a French outhouse. After half a whiff of this ghoulish brine, I immediately stopped breathing through my nose but the taste was to remain in the back of my throat for months to come.
The young agent had taken the brunt of the foul witch's brew, and at first I couldn't process what I was seeing. I thought somehow the young blond kid had been spirited away and replaced by a brown Golem, or a ATV rider that had spent the better part of a day driving through every mud puddle he could find after a torrential downpour. With some degree of compartmentalization I came to understand that for some unfathomable reason this kid hadn't moved - or hadn't been able to move - through the entire fecal deluge. He had weathered the entire assault head-on like some sort of hero from Greek Mythology. I had given this poor schmuck a one-man shit bukkake that would make a Brazillian pornographer retch with disgust, and he was still in the same position he must have been from the moment of first impact. I tried to comprehend how he must be feeling, what he must be going through psychologically, but it became evident very quickly that he had become very broken. No doubt forced so deeply within himself once the firehose has been turned on that there was little to no hope of him ever coming back from it, certainly not without extensive psychotherapy or a lobotomy. I looked beyond his quivering, catatonic crouched form to see a perfect outline of him cutout on the white wall behind him, either side filled in with a dripping, opaque layer of alternately pulpy and runny fecal stew. I noticed two quivering masses at either extremes of the room and realized they were humanoid in form, although the caterwauling that was coming from these broken creatures was just blubbering gibberish. And this was the tableau that was burnt into my mind's eye for eternity.
Needless to say, I missed my flight.
In fact the next week is a blur. I have vague recollections of an army of Hazmat clad figures looming through the brown landscape of the soiled room, the slopping sounds of rubber boats squelching in puddles of fetid detritus, uncontrollable wailing and animal-like sounds issuing from the mouths of creatures that had been traumatized beyond their capacity for being put back together, the complete loss of sensation from my waist down as I was rolled through the room on a waterproof gurney, it's wheels struggling to surf on top of the shit-soaked floor. I spent a week or so in the hospital enclosed in a well ventilated, sealed room, with suited doctor coming in on the hour to monitor my vital signs as they tried to rehydrate my body. I had apparently expelled every available drop of water from my body that was possible to sustain life without for a short period of time. All of my clothes were incinerated in the hospital's crematorium, and the soiled bag of "Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears" was never recovered.
This is my story. It is inconceivable to think that this kind of product can be sold legally and be misrepresented as 'food'. I was lucky, I survived. But as for the families of the survivors, and the survivors themselves, they will forever live with the trauma of the events that took place at Pearson International Airport on that snowy day in April 2013.

I really liked Rorschach. Issue #11 is my personal favorite but I can understand why a lot of people don't like the series such as the ethical dilemma of using Otto Binder's real life séance as a plot point, using a character whose just Steve Ditko but he has a different name and liberal ideology, and how overly meta it can get at times. I really liked the Detective though that's probably because he's the standard "literally me" quiet badass archetype that appeals to most dudes (myself included) though I feel he was kinda underdeveloped like we literally don't know anything about him other than that he's clearly mentally ill and that he liked pirates as a kid. I headcanon that his name is Rex though that isn't entirely relevant to this discussion.
I would say the best thing about Rorschach is how Tom King and Jorge Fornés use panel grids and panel structure. Issue #8 is an excellent example of this with the three men, who worked for Myerson, that the Detective interrogates. We get to see three testimonies concurrently that are presented in an unusual format of panels that are together as odd Tetris-esque patterns which only show partial parts of the artwork with the empty space being where the testimony is located.
Each of the three testimonies are color coded in red, green, and purple respectively (each color matches something of the three men's outfit; Testimony #1 is red like Testifier #1's red tie. Testimony #2 is green like Testifier #2's sweater, and Testimony #3 is blue like Testifier #3's cap)
We see the three different men have similar experiences concurrently on the same page such as Page 6 which shows three different points in time where each man slept in a bed with the "camera" zooming closer to the bed as we go through these sections Testimony 1, 2, and 3.
This theme of showing Testifier #1 at the start of an action, such as walking to the farmhouse, and Testifier #2 in the middle of the action, walking up the steps of the farmhouse, and Testifier #3 at the end of the action, knocking on the door. Another clever thing that acts as a subtle hint to the true intentions of the three men is their speech bubbles which are jagged and coarse like the Rorschach's or like Myerson's and later Frank Miller (lol).
A huge example of this is the massive double spread page showing the three men, individually and at different times, taking turns firing Laura's sniper rifle at the seemingly impossible to hit target. With the men and Laura & the stage that holds the target being enclosed in white negative space and panel borders; a visual technique that causes the reader to be drawn to the two important moments in the double page spread.
Another amazing visual way to show the end of the tri-testimonial sequence is that on the last page after it ends, the first panel is the Detective scratching his head. This panel is a square and only shows the upper half of the scene while the next panel is a rectangle that shows the upper and lower half of the scene. It's also a clever way to visually focus the viewer on the Detective's hands being upward and then being downward in the next panel.
After the first panel, the comic goes back into a traditional panel structure as the testimonies end and the Detective's ranting begins. Then after the Detective breaks several police brutality laws, we have a page featuring the three panels, one for each man, of three men smiling as they drop the act of innocence and let their true personalities be revealed. And for each panel, the "camera" zooms in closer as the three men separately say "Oh" - "It is you" - "I've been waiting for you". The Detective lost his cool and violently assaulted them in order to get to the truth; he's the perfect successor to Laura and Wil and as we later on in Issues #11 and #12, he becomes the newest Rorschach.
And even after the tri-testimony ends, the final page shows the Detective pull a red cup from a cup holder attached to a water cooler despite the fact that all the other cups are green. In the very next panel on the second row, it's now green like the others, and on the first panel on the final row when the cup is in the bin it is now blue. Another little detail is that the first row and the third row of panels are the same panel structure as each other but in reverse order.
I love The Detective's conversation with Laura Cummings and Wil Myerson in his hotel room in Issue #11. The Detective was never in a good headspace mentally but learning that Alan and Turley were fucking him over from the start absolutely didn't help. I know it's visual storytelling 101 but I love the contrast between the dark blues of The Detective's hotel room, the moody yellows of Hanna Cemetery, and the bright lilac purple of the flashbacks. The two pages where The Detective takes off the last of his clothes while Young Wil Myerson and a child Laura Cummings inspect their gunrack. Plus, Wil's speech about how in all his years as an artist he never actually drew a hand, just a bunch of lines and ink that form nonsense patterns which Wil and the rest of the world saw as something coherent. Because at the end of today, art really is just a bunch of random patterns which attempt to represent something.

"All the patterns, I put them there. I am responsible for them. I drew the lines. And looking back... I see only myself."

Wil's comics represent his personal stories, philosophies, and beliefs. The Citizen and The Unthinker was a deeply personal work with his several elements being ripped from his personal problems such as the "14B" on The Unthinker's helmet being the number for Alma and Carl Thompson's apartment and in the final unfinished issue, The Citizen just violently kicks The Unthinker to death while yelling "Fuck you!" multiple times. A scene made in the immediate aftermath of Wil being beaten by Carl after Wil grew sick and tired of his neighbor's constant jabbing about Wil's embarrassing date with Alma.
Wil was a fundamentally lonely person who needed love and affection. His date with Alma being a complete failure for him destroyed him, Wil never got over her. Though unlike a lot of dudes who get rejected, Wil didn't make his whole personality hating women. The worst he ever did was steal the nametag from her mailbox and keep it in a drawer in between his pens and pencils. Due to this intense loneliness, he was a very easy target for Laura Cummings who meaning to or not emotionally manipulated a vulnerable old man into becoming a crazed extremist. This wasn't even the first time she did so, she manipulated the much younger and fitter Muscles into becoming the next Rorschach and he had a way more successful vigilante career than Wil did and their
Rorschach points the gun toward the now naked Detective who meakly says he can't kill Turley. Rorschach says that he will and shoots the Detective in the face. As his corpse falls backwards, Pontius Pirate's theme tune is shown. A theme tune that we first heard the Detective mutters to himself in his hotel room all the way back in Issue #1.

"Yay, Pontius Pirate sailed o'er the Seven Seas. And when he was done he got down on his knees. He prayed, he prayed: Oh Lord, what hast I done? Not enough, God answered, not enough, my son."

The Detective's corpse lies on his bed. His face completely obscured by blood splatter. A blot of red ink. He has been reborn as the newest Rorschach. Naked like a baby when it first emerges from the womb. He gets a call from Alan, gets out of bed, and looks at himself in the mirror. In the very last page of the penultimate issue, the Detective listens as a man talks about a girl he's going to meet up with and how New York has been "The City That Always Sleeps" since the Squid attack and that Los Angeles is just different to New York. The man finishes by asking the Detective feels the same way, all the Detective responds with is a simple "hurm" in a speech bubble that's halfway between a regular one and Rorschach's jagged one.
I love the dichotomy of Walter Kovacs' conservative moral philosophy and Wil Myerson's liberal moral philosophy both having the end result of "Evil must be punished and those who do a large enough amount of evil must be killed". As I wrote this, I just realized something very interesting about all the Rorschachs; they're lonely people. Walter Kovacs was a loner, Muscles was a loner, Wil Myerson was a loner, and the Detective was a loner.
In the end, the Detective kills Alan and Turley in Turley's office and leaves without incident. He drives to a theatre and goes to see the new Pontius Pirate movie, albeit 35 minutes late (teehee), and the series ends with the Detective happily chowing down on some popcorn as he watches the movie. A shadow reflects onto his face, a shadow that resembles a Rorschach inkblot. Though in reality, it's nothing more than a pattern which Tom King and Jorge Fornés and the reader have assigned meaning to. What happens to the Detective next? I leave it entirely in your hands. The End.

Chapter 11: Varg Glornir is the leader of the Bloodsworn. Varg is reminded of the encounter with Leif, and remembers why he wanted the with. Røkia, a blonde woman in the crew, trains Varg to use a shield and be part of the shield wall.
Chapter 12: Orka Virk and Guovarr duel. In these duels, the combatants agree, beforehand, to fight to first blood, submission, or death. They agree to fight to submission. Virk injures Guovarr and Guovarr surrenders. However, they both continue to talk shit and Virk is about to land a killing blow (despite their agreed upon rules), when Guovarr’s second, the crazy ass warrior thrall at Sigrun’s side, jumps in to protect him. She knocks Virk (and Orka - who was also going to try and stop Virk from killing Guovarr) aside, and jumps atop him, stabbing him repeatedly and frothing at the mouth. During this, her eyes turn an amber color and Orka sees that her tooth are very sharp. She also bites at Virk’s face.
Sigrun calls a break to the Althing to allow Virk’s sons, Mord and Lif, to bury him.
Chapter 13: Varg Varg attends a dinner with the Bloodsworn (Røkia, Svik, Glornir, Einar, etc.) and Jarl Logur. Varg meets Torvik, a young Bloodsworn. Tarvik, like Varg, are Bloodsworn but still need to prove themselves to be fully admitted.
Jarl Logur interrupts the feast for a saga-tale from Galinn, the Skáld of Liga. The song is the retelling of Snaka’s death, his children fighting, the imprisonment (I believe?) of Lik-Rifa, and how this breaking of the world allowed vaesen to emerge.
As the song ends, a couple men burst into the mead hall. One of them introduces himself as Sergei Yanasson of Ulaz. He’s from Iskidan (the land to the south, across the “whale road”). Iskidan is under the rule of the Great Khagan, Kirill the Magnificent.
Apparently Logan and Sergei have know each other a while. Along with Sergei are Prince Jaromir, son of the Great Keagan, and two of his druzhina.
Jaromir is there for Sulich (one of the Bloodsworn). Apparently Sulich has committed crimes or something and Jaromir is to take him for trial/justice/whatever. Glornir says no. The Jarl agrees with Glornir - saying it’s not their custom to just hand people over with no evidence and shit. Things almost turn into a fight, with all of the Bloodsworn backing up Glornir’s refusal. Jaromir gives the Jarl a night to think it over - saying he’ll come back tomorrow.
Chapter 14: Elvar About halfway to Snakavik, the Battlegrim stop on shore and come upon an Oathstone near their camp site for the night.
Uspa, Berak’s wife, says there’s an easier way to see what’s inscribed in the stone (they were trying to have Kraka and the Hundur-thrall decipher it). Berak and their son, Bjarn, don’t want her to show them. Uspa has Agnar cut her palm. She places her palm against the granite stone, blood streaking down the face of granite. Her palm starts to glow, and the glowing spreads out - creating a lattice network across the stone, making the stone’s cracks and moss begin to glow, then burn , hiss and peel away, revealing the rock face beneath.
Uspa steps away, now alongside the other Batthegrim. Runes were traced across the granite face: images of a pale dragon caged and raging, locked within a chamber among the roots of a great tree (mentioned in the saga-song a chapter or two ago). A wolf upon a plain, a thick chain binding him, with small figures swarming, stabbing, the wolf’s jaws wide as it howled.
Kraka identies the wolf as Ulfrir, the wolf-god.
Biorr mentions the obvious: it's images from the guofalla (the gods-fall).
Elvar identifies the Gallowa Wood - a scene with figures hanging from the boughs of trees, many of them with skeleton wings spiking from their back.
Elvar remembers how Orna (a god) and Ulfrir had found their firstborn daughter slain, her wings hacked from her back. Lik-Riga had done it, the dragon, Orna’s sister. As vengeance Orna and Ulfrir had hunted Lik-Rifa’s god-touched offspring and slaughtered them. Ripped their backs open and hacked their ribs apart, pulling them out in a parody of wings and hanging the corpora’s from trees - the blood eagle.
The images go on. There’s Berser the bear, Orna the eagle, Hundur the hound, Rotta the rat, and Snaka, the father, snake, making of them all.
Sighvat asks why the gods fought, signaling that this lore-dump isn’t over yet. Uspa responds. Lik-Rifa the dragon thought her sister was plotting her death. Rotta the rat fueled Lik-Rifa’s paranoia. Lik-Rifa murdered Orna and Ulfrir’s daughter, created the vaesen in secret - intending to use them to destroy Orna and all those who supported her. Orna found out and lured Lik-Rifa into the caverns and chambers deep within the roots of Oskutro - the great Ash Tree. With her siblings, she bound Lik-Rida there. This is what caused the war.
Elvar claims that Lik-Rifa is bullshit. Her reasoning: The Tainted are real. They are those who have a remnant of a god’s blood in their veins. Some of this is obvious: Hundur is “inside” the Hundur-thrall. Berser is in the berserker. Snaka is inside Kraka and Uspa - the witches. But, she, nor any other of the battlegrim, have ever met a dragonborn- a Tainted with the blood of Lik-Rifa. Foreshadowing aplenty.
That night, the group is woken by night-wyrms. Night-wyrms suck dude. They’re as thick as your thumb and about 18 inches long. They construct like snacks, and apparently love to burrow into an open mouth. There are thousands of them, wrapping around the group, and they can’t scream - they need to keep their mouths shut.
They fight the worms off. Only one Battlegrim dies, and they can all see a mass of wyrms wriggling inside his neck as they had gotten into his mouth and nose. Ew, bro. Agnar orders them back to the Wave-Jarl. Nobody protests. Elvar wonders if the Oathstone had drawn the wyrms to them…
Chapter 15: Orka Orka, Thorkel, and Breca are back at their steading after helping Mord and Lif. Thorkel and Orka discuss Sigruns crazy new thrall. The thrall is a Ulfheonar (we don’t know what that means yet). Orka is concerned that the thrall is half that, and half Hundur, as the thrall tasted Thorkel’s blood during the skirmish. Apparently, the Tainted are interbred now.
Orka wants to leave. She wants to get away from the growing tensions between and the jarls and shit. She decides to go to the Ash Tree in the morning to speak with the Froa. We also don’t know what this means yet.
Orka gets to the Ash Tree and discovers it has been destroyed and burned. Orka calls for Froa, the spirit of the Ash Tree, a creature of wood and bark and sap. Froa is a guardian of the Forest, born of a seed from Oskutreo - the great tree that had stood at the heart of Vigrio, the battle plain, as the gods-fell had raged. Froa is dead. She’s been hacked at and charred, just like the tree. Her face is frozen in a scream, her arms outstretched towards the Ash Tree. There are signs that many people are responsible for this, and some of them likely died during it - with Froa kicking some ass - but the dead were taken away.
Like the first chapter, Orka again hears screaming off in the distance.
Chapter 16: Varg The Bloodsworn are getting ready to leave Jarl Logur and continue their journey. Varg asks Glornir for a favor: having Vol (the seior-witch) perform an akall. Apparently this allows either the witch, or the person she’s doing it on behalf of, to relive the last moments of a life. Glornir says no. Varg isn’t a full Bloodsworn yet. That little dude told him this exact thing like 2 chapters ago. Pay attention, Varg.
Glornir gives him money to buy “kit”. The request is basically left at “no…for now. Prove yourself first.” Svik is excited to spend the coin with Varg.
Chapter 17: Orka As she gets back to their steading and little village, Orka finds Spert and other vaesen dead. As she gets closer, more bodies - some human. She finds Thorkel in their hall, surrounded by bodies. He’s dying, with two seaxes protruding from his chest. Vesli is there, apparently dead as well. Thorkel tells Orka that “they took Breca.”
She follows their trail - several footprints and drops of blood - until she arrives at a river and spots figures by the shoreline. They’re currently butchering her pony. Orka attacks. It’s a pretty badass fight scene, which ends with her basically torturing one last survivor until he tells her the name of the man who laid them to attack the steading and take Breca. The man’s name is Drekr.
Chapter 18: Varg Varg gets some gear and is given a spear. We find out that the Bloodsworn gave Logur a sliver of the Vackna Horn. The Vackna Horn is a relic that summed the gods to the Battle Plain on the day of guofalla. Relics have power.
Queen Helka had risen to power in such short time because she had unearthed Orna’s skeleton, the wings of the giant eagle spread wide over Helka’s fortress at Darl.
Jaromir shows up again. Fighting breaks out between the Bloodsworn and Jaromir’s peeps. As Logur and his men arrive to help the Bloodsworn (not that they really need it), the fighting stops as everyone sees three ships approaching… Queen Helka has come to Liga.
Chapter 19: Orka Orka goes back to her steading. She talks to Vesli and Spert, and they tell Orka what had happened. They describe the man that fought Thorkel (possibly the same one that took Breca). He has red eyes and sharp claws. He’s “human, but animal, as well.” Orka buries Thorkel, and vows to get vengeance.
Chapter 20: Varg Helka arrives with her Ulfheonar; “tainted thralls, descended from Ulfrir, the wolf-god.” She, Logur, and Jaromir head to Logur’s hall to discuss Jaromir’s grievance. Helka’s son is Hakon. Her skald and Galdurman is Skalk. Apparently there’s a creature eating people in Helka’s land and she in enlisting the support of the Bloodsworn. They all board a ship and set sail.
Chapter 21: Elvar The battlegrim arrive at Snakavik. The description of the town is sick. The Jarl of Snakavik is Jarl Storr. Jarl Storr has Silrio, his seior witch?, validate Berak’s berserker lineage. To do this, she cuts Berak’s arm and feeds the blood to this giant statue the comes to life named Hrung. Agnar and Storr agree on a price, and Berak is sold.
With the sale complete, the meeting is over and everyone is beginning to depart. Then the giant statue, Hrung, yells out “Elvar is here.” Elvar, admits the crowd, lowers her hood and says “Hello, father.” Yo wtf. I wish Elvar’s chapters weren’t so infrequent.
Chapter 22: Orka Still in their village, after burying Thorkel, Orka sees Mord and Lif (Virk’s sons) tied to a post. They must have gone back to the Althing and done something to get in trouble. She sets them free. She then makes her way to Jarl Sigrun’s place. She kills a bodyguard and a lover of the Jarl. She then questions the strange warriothrall that tasted Thorkel’s blood earlier - the one with strange eyes. The thrall’s name is Vafri. Vafri is descended from Ulfrir, the great wolf-god, and Hundur the hound. discloses that her boss is Hakon, son of Queen Helka. Vafri was to report any sign of The Tainted. Vafri says that Hakon was working with/for Drekr, the name she had heard earlier. Vafri guesses that Drekr is taking Breca to Darl (Darl is a location, not a person).
A fight between Orka, Vafri, and Sigrun erupts. The commotion alerts others, such as Guovarr that weasel, and Orka makes a break for it. Mord and Lif are waiting in the boat as she had instructed. She reaches them ahead of her pursuers and they sail off.
Chapter 23: Elvar Thorun is Elvars elder brother. Brooir is her younger brother. We also meet Gytha, Elvar’s father’s champion. Apparently I misread last chapter. Jarl Storr is Elvar’s father, but there was again mention of a giant’s head in this chapter so I’m a little confused. Karl Storr and his sons talk to Elvar. We find out that Elvar fled Snakavik unexpectedly. Storr had asked her to marry Hakon, Helka’s son. This would create an alliance and expand their territory. Jarl Storr offers Elvar a few drengrs- which would make her to leader of her own warband.
Chapter 24: Orka On the boat with Mord & Lif, the crew makes a pact: Orka is to teach them to fight (so they can get vengeance for this father), and they’re going to row her to Darl (so she can get Breca).
Chapter 25: Elvar Elvar continues to weigh her options: stay with the battle-grim or get her own warband back at her father’s side. Agnar tells her that he supports her no matter what; she’ll always have a place in the battle grim. Elvar then goes to talk to Hrung - the giant head thing.
We find out his deal: the serpent god tried to swallow him whole. Hrung’s head was bitten clean off of his body. Some of the serpent god’s power seeped into Hrung, keeping him alive in this state. She asks Hrung if she should take her father’s offer. Hrung responds in a riddle.
Chapter 26: Varg Skalk is Helka’s Galdurman. Olvir and Yrsa are two warriors within Helka’s retinue (Olvir is a man, Yrsa is a woman). Skalk addresses everyone, filling them in on the details of their mission. They’re going to the source of the River Slagen, then to the foothills of Boneback Mountains on the north-western boarder or Helka’s territory. In these foothills is where people are being eaten. At first, people were disappearing from farms and more remote places, so they thought it was on account of raids from Jarl Storr. But, eventually, they found remains of those that had gone missing. It’s clear they these are not victims of raids. It’s vaesen attacks. They don’t know the type of vaesen, though.
Chapter 27: Elvar There’s an attack on a tavern in Snakavik. Grend and Elvar show up midway though, and identify that the attackers are Tainted. There’s bodies and carnage everywhere. After the attack, Elvar notes that they attackers have taken the boy. Elvar believes the attackers are Ilska’s Raven-Feeders.
Ilska and her crew are able to get away. They tell Uspa that her son has been taken. Agnar starts questions Uspa - why would Ilska conduct such a bold, risky raid, starting a blood feud with the Battlegrim over one little dude? Uspa’s theory is that they didn’t really want Bjarn. They wanted Uspa. This is bait. They want Uspa because she knows they way to Oskutreo (we have no idea what that is yet but Agnar seems pretty shocked to hear this).

Chapter 1: Orka Orka is hunting with her son, Breca, and her husband, Thorkel. Orka hears screaming from a nearby village so they head over to investigate. On their way, Thorkel tells Breca the story of Vigrio and the Battle-Plain.
Vigrio is where gods fought and died. Snaka was father to them all, father of the gods; Eldest, they called him. Snaka had grown enormous. His children were no slouches, either; Eagle, Bear, Wolf, Dragon, and others. There was infighting between his children, but they ultimately killed Snaka. In his death the world was shattered. They believe The Boneback mountains are all that’s left of Snaka - his bones covered in earth. In Snaka’s fall, all of the creatures of tooth and claw and power that dwelt in the world below were released into their land of sky and sea.
They arrive at Asgrim’s stealing; the source of the screams they heard earlier. Asgrim is dead. They discover that all of his teeth are gone. Orka assumes Tennur have been at him. Tennur are small, two-legged creatures that love a man’s teeth. They have sharp fingers and teeth. Alone, they don’t pose much of a danger, but they’re deadly in packs.
Then then see Idrun, Asgrim’s wife. She’s nailed to the gate. She has been brutalized and disemboweled. They still haven’t found Harek, Asgrim and Ideun’s son, and Breca’s friend.
Chapter 2: Varg Varg doesn’t know how old he is, but he’s likely middle aged. He was a thrall (slave) on Kolskegg’s farm for most of his life. Varg is running (from what or who we don’t know - possibly just escaping but it seems more than that). He reaches a trading port city, Liga.
Varg buys a bowl of stew from a trader, and asks if there’s a Galdurman (“Galdur” means magic, so it’s basically a conjurer or sorcerer) or Seior-witch in Liga. After a bribe, the trader says that the Bloodsworn docked yesterday. They have a Senior-witch thrall (slave).
The Bloodsworn were famed throughout the whole of Vigrio, most likely even beyond. They’re “a band of mercenary warriors who hired themselves out to the highest bidder. They hunted down vaesen-monsters, searched out god-relics for wealthy jarls, fought in border disputes, and guarded the wealthy and powerful.” The Bloodsworn, in Liga, are guests of Jarl Logur. At the ale house where the Bloodsworn are, Varg learns that one of the Bloodsworn have died, and so there’s an opening in their crew. All of Liga is there to try out for the new position. Varg tells one of the Bloodsworn guards that he wants their Seior-witch to perform an invocation. Their witch is named Vol. The guard dude says no, because Vol is only for the Bloodsworn. So, of course, Varg agrees to fight Einar Half-Troll which is the test of initiation that all the Liga people are going through to join.
Chapter 3: Orka Orka and Breca take the bodies of Asgrim and his wife to Fellur, a nearby fishing village. Meanwhile, Thorkel is going to follow tracks that they found. Orka gets to Fellur and asks for Jarl Sigrun. She’s not there, but her nephew, Guovarr, is.
Virk, a trader that Orka and Thorkel have traded with before, is in town and comes along with Orka. He explains that Jarl Sigrun was summoned to Queen Helka’s court in Darl - so Sigrun has been gone for more than two months.
Guovarr addresses the crowd, saying his aunt, Jarl Sigrun, has sent word that Queen Helka is wise and just and blah blah blah. He basically informs people that Fellur is now under the Queen’s rule. People, mostly Virk, are displeased. Guovarr ‘defends’ this by saying Jarl Storr threatens them from the west and the vaesen are growing bolder - murdering and stealing. Once he’s done, Orka tells him about the killing. Guovarr claims it was vaesen - reinforcing his stance to join with Queen Helka - and Orka quickly dismisses that, noting the sword wounds (not nail, claw, teeth). Tensions are high between her and Guovarr. Thorkel arrives. Thorkel had followed the tracks into the river. It appears as if three boats had been used. There’s still no sign of Harek. Guovarr says he’ll look into it. Orka, Breca, and Thorkel head home.
Chapter 4: Varg Varg fights Einar. He keeps thinking about his sister, Froya. He loses the fight but survives. Froya was raised as a thrall alongside Varg. She’s now dead. Varg is looking for the seior-witch to somehow help him avenge Froya.
Whoever was chasing Varg when we first met him shows up at his campsite that night. One of the pursuers is named Lief. Apparently Varg killed Lief’s father (and quite brutally) because he had promised to free Varg. Varg had earned his freedom, Lief’s father went back on his promise. As a fight between Lief, Lief’s lackeys, and Varg breaks out, Svik (the first Bloodsworn that Varg talked to when he was looking for the witch) and Einar show up and save the day. Einar and Svik accept Varg as a Bloodsworn.
Chapter 5: Elvar Elvar is one of the Battle-Grim. She is the youngest member of Agnar’s warband.
The Battle-Grim arrive at a village, Iskalt, looking for a man named Berak. Elvar is friends with another Battle-Grim, Grend. Sighvat appears to be a fairly high-ranking Battle-Grim, and there’s tension between Sighvat and Elvar. On the beach, Agnar presses the crowd about Berak. Someone takes off running. Our crew follows them.
Chapter 6: Orka Orka wakes up and finds Breca missing. In search of him, she walks through the woods. She asks Spert, a Spertus. Spertus are creatures about as long as a man’s arm, with a chitinous body, and many legs. Almost like a centipede. It slept under a rock in the water but crawled on shore when Orka asked it where Breca is. Spert doesn’t know. Thorkel, with Orka, tracks Breca’s prints. They find him by another river with a tennur in his lap. The tennur sounds like a small dragon (or maybe this one’s a baby dragon). Breca heard it cry, and it appears to be in pain. Tennur like human teeth, so Breca gave it one of his baby teeth to keep it calm. Apparently the Tennur can talk to Breca, and its name is Vesli.
Chapter 7: Elvar Elvar and the Battle-Grim continue their pursuit. They come upon a troll, fighting against a man. Nearby are a woman and child. Theyre all at the side of a molten lake/volcano kinda deal. The woman throws something into the molten lake while the man fights the troll - then the Battle Grim join the fight against the troll. The troll is ultimately killed, and the Battle-Grim surround the man. The man, obviously, is the one there were looking for, Berak Bjornasson. Agnar is convinced he’s a berserker. To prove this, Agnar has Sighvat bring the woman and child (presumably Berak’s wife and son) over. Agnar threatens to cut the boys throat. This causes Berak’s eyes to change, his strength grows, etc. The chapter ends with Agnar stating that Berak has the blood of the dead god Berser in his veins. He is a tainted, a berserker, and he is wanted by three jarls for murder, like-debt, and weregild. Agnar believes he will fetch a fine price.
Chapter 8: Orka Breca has brought Vesli back to their steading. Thorkel and Orka are discussing whether they’ve been too hard on Breca, or too soft, when Breca talks (and feeds) Spert. Spert doesn’t trust Vesli, since it’s a vaesen. Breca reminds Spert that Spert is also a vaesen. Both Spert and Vesli were injured and abandoned by their pack. For saving them both, they owe Breca a blood debt. Out of doubt/caution, Spert has Vesli swear a blood out to Breca. Without hesitation, she does.
Riders approach their stead. Thorkel sends Breca inside (he’s worried about the stories of kids being taken in the area). One of the riders is Guovarr. He informs Orka that Jarl Sigrun has returned, and she’s called an Althing for 6 days from now. They don’t really want to go, but they don’t have a choice. Guovarr is a dick, after all. They decide to join the stupid Althing to see what Sigrun (and by extension, basically Queen Hella) have to say.
Chapter 9: Elvar Elvar is back on the beach at Iskalt. With the capture of Berak and killing of the troll, she has rented herself a good position in the shield wall. Elvar is talking with Grend, and we learn a bit of mythology: Lik-Rifa is a dragon-god, long dead, if she ever lived. She did not die on the day of Guofalla with the other gods. Instead, she was trapped in a chamber beneath the Ash Tree, Oskutreo. Therefore, she could not stand beside her father, Snaka. It it believed that she tears at the souls of warriors as they pass through her chambers on the souls road. For this reason, wilder must die with a weapon in hand, allowing them to fight her as they pass through Vergelmir, her dark chamber. This is considered the last test. Through their conversation, it’s clear that Elvar doesn’t really believe this but Grend does.
On the beach, Elvar and Grend see Agnar and Sighvat escorting Berak, in chains, and his wife and child. Agnar gives Elvar a back lace made from the troll’s tooth. They all board their ship. They’re attacked by a sea snake. The snake knocks the boy into the water. Elvar jumps in after him. Grend jumps in after her. The snake then comes for Elvar & boy. Grend stabs the snake to no avail. Then, the mother (and Berserker’s wife) starts singing from the ship. This puts the snake in a trance and it goes back underneath the surface of the water. Back on board, the woman thanks Elvar. Elvar asks what the women had throwing into the molten lake, but she doesn’t respond. Agnar deduces that the woman is a seior-witch. He tells her that he won’t allow any witch-fuckery on his boat and he’ll kill her son if there is. She nods, and he gets them all dry clothes. He then reprimands Kraka, the thrall onboard tasked with protecting the ship (by singing protection songs).
Agnar gives Elvar a gold arm ring for her courage with the serpent. Wow, big day for her. Agnar then tells her that they’re taking their berserker prize to Jarl Storr. Storr is know for his berserker thrall-guard, so Agnar thinks that’s where they’ll get the best price. Apparently this means Elvar is going back home.
Chapter 10: Orka Thorkell, Breca, and Orka are heading to the Althing with Jarl Sigrun. Talking to Breca, Thorkell gives us a bit more lore: the dead gods “broke the world.” That is why they’re now hated, and why when the few survivors of the Guofalla emerged from the ruin of Snaka’s fall, they hated and hunted the offspring of the gods - those whose blood was tainted with the gods’ bloodlines.
Virk tells Orka that there have been more rumors of kids going missing.
The Althing starts. Sigrun is accompanied by a warrior-thrall that nobody knows. To nobody’s surprise, Sigrun tells the crowd that she’s sworn loyalty to Queen Helka. The crowd is pissed, but Sigrun explains that it’s for their own protection - some of which is protection from Helka herself. Aside from that Jarl Storr is north-west of them and expanding south-east (towards them), Jarl Orlyg is in Svelgarth to their east and has raided their lands.
The crowd (especially Virk) voices their concerns - assuming they’ll now pay taxes for lands that have already been theirs. Falki Torilsson, a wealthy farmer, agrees with Virk. Sigrun shrugs off their concerns by saying it’s the way of the world - it happened in Iskidan in the south. Iskidan is a vast realm ruled over by one city, Gravka, and by one lord, the emperor Kirill. So, she assumes Vigrio is going that route too. It basically boils down to the fact that Vigrio is condensing, and there’s going to be battles for its rule (like in the south), so they may as well pick a side. They can’t stand up to anybody and maintain independence. Storr and Helka are going to face one another, and the winner gets all of Vigrio.
Orka speaks up and says that Helka will demand a hird-offering: basically a draft for all able-bodied people. Sigrun again goes back to ‘it’s better than waiting to be enslaved or murdered by Storr, and she’s doing this for their protection. Virk gets extra snippy now, and busts her chops about “protection” despite the murders and stolen child within their own borders. Tensions are rising. The new mystery thrall tells him to watch it. Virk redirects his attitude to Guovarr (the sketchy ass nephew who will absolutely become a main villain). Wellll…maybe not I guess? Because he challenges Virk to a duel. Virk accepts with Orka as his second. I assume Virk will lose from some sneaky tactic but who knows.

I've recently saved an inmates life. He was attempting to commit suicide by hanging himself with a piece of cloth around a window. I was the person that found him inside his cell. I get told every day i'm a "hero" but inside my mind i dont feel like a hero to be honest i feel like shit. I think my brain is still wrapping my mind around the situation even after almost a month. Sometimes i feel like i should have never found him like that but some part of me feels like it was a weird coincidence. The inmate was fine during the last watch tour but the next he was dead no pulse grey in color. Afterwards i cried harder than i ever had before. This was the first time i've experienced something like this. Sometimes i still feel the weight of it all. The ripping of his jumpsuit when i lifted him up to take the pressure off his neck. I feel like that is going to stick with me for a while. You know when they say moments like these last only seconds long but in your mind it lasts minutes. The responding officer arrived within 30 seconds. It felt like 5 minutes. I didn't really process the event during the moment. I'm pretty sure it was all muscle memory. Admin had to take me out of work for a few days. Honestly i think the recovery is going well to say the least but man it's slow as hell. Do you guys have any good advice for recovery after an incident like this? Thanks for listening to my little rant.

Submission for the June 2024 Concept Creation Contest
Alla fulfills the challenge by having her introduce a new Crowd Control Debuff; Confusion, which causes a player's inputs to be completely randomized for the duration

Lore

Born in Demacia, Alla and her twin sister Anna were raised in a prestigious household that was not only a home to some of the kingdoms wealthier people, but also some of the more skilled Mage Seekers, whom Alla eventually came to fear as her own magic power started to develop.
While she seemed to be a non-mage when she was born, over time she started to develop an affinity to illusionary magic, allowing her to create duplicates of things, from furniture in her room, to animals she passes on her walks with her parents.
Her sister would always cover for her when she played with her magic, warning her of when people were near and distracted and confused the Mage Seekers when they looked for her.
But eventually she got too reckless, using a spell by accident in broad daylight, where everyone near her witnessed it, as well as the Mage Seekers who gave chase, cornering them in an alley where Anna had the idea of switching places with her, parting her hair like her before stepping out into view of the public, allowing the Mage Seekers to take her away.
Alla made a promise to her, saying she'd find a way to get her out and back home, but as time passed, that seemed less and less likely as the Mage Seekers tortured her, trying to get rid of the magic powers she didn't have, which soon resulted in her death.
Alla heard about this and felt a horrible guilt overtake her, she tried to bare it, but it grew worse and worse with each day; she soon got an idea, and created a mirror image of herself, with it's hair parted opposite of hers, and taught it to act like her sister, and while it worked for a short while, it quickly grew even worse for her.
The mirror image started to berate her as it took more after her own psyche, scolding her, asking why she would let her sister be taken away, calling her a terrible sister and a murderer.
It eventually became too much, and she did away with the image before gathering her things and leaving the city, refusing to return home until she could forgive herself, but never expecting to do that, she was prepared to spend the rest of her life in self imposed exile.
A few months had passed since then, and her mental state had only gotten worse; any time she created a mirror image of something, it would always turn into her sister, which would then barrate her until she got rid of it.
She broke down in tears as she prepared to take her own life in penance, but was stopped by another traveler, a girl around her age, with long blonde hair, who was a mage just like her.
The two sat down for a while and talked, giving her a chance to finally get everything off her chest and come clean about what had happened when she was a child, telling the girl that she was a murderer, and was responsible for her sister's death.
The girl comforted her; she told her of her own brother and how close they are, and even how he told her that he would die in her place if it meant keeping her safe, and told her that her sister most likely knew what would happen, and was prepared for the worst when she offered to be captured instead.
Hearing that, she felt the heavy burden on her chest start to lighten, and for the first time in years, she started to feel a bit better and at ease, and as they continued to talk, she felt more and more at peace.
Eventually they parted ways, and Alla continued her exile, thinking more about everything, and started to come to peace with her sister's death, but never let go of it, choosing to remember her, even if it caused her pain.
She also continued to use her magic, getting stronger with each passing day, learning new spells and types of spells, to better defend herself in the wilderness, even using mirror images of herself to her advantage, shough, even now, they still look like her sister instead of her, their hair parted and their eyes heterochromatic on opposite sides, and while it still saddens her, she's come to accept it, thinking of them as a reminder of her, and maybe her being there with her in spirit.
Alla is a thin, yet tall woman, around Lux's age, with long black hair tied in a braid, with her bangs parted to the left of her face and covering her left eye
She wears noble looking clothes, albeit a bit ragged and dirty, her skin is a fair white, her left eye is green and her right eye is blue, and with freckles dotting her cheeks and nose

Stats

Mage / Assassin

• Health: 580 - 1940 ^{+80 P/L}
  
• Mana: 360 - 2740 ^{+140 P/L}
  
• Attack Damage: 54 - 79.5 ^{+1.5 P/L}
  
• Movement Speed: 330 UpS
  
• Attack Speed: 0.654 - 0.959 ^{+2.75% P/L}
  
• Health Regen: 3.2 - 27 ^{+1.4 P/L}
  
• Mana Regen: 2.4 - 22.8 ^{+1.2 P/L}
  
• Armor: 42 - 59 ^{+1 P/L}
  
• Magic Resist: 45 - 101.1 ^{+3.3 P/L}
  
• Attack Type: Ranged
  
• Attack Range: 500 Units
  

Abilities

P Trick of the Eye

When Alla is unseen by the enemy team and exits a brush or enters an enemy units Field of Vision, she will become Invisible for 0.5 seconds
Casting Spells will not break Alla's stealth

Q Psycho Bolt

Alla creates and launches an orb of magic in a straight line, dealing 40 - 200 (+100% AP) Magic Damage to all enemies in its path

• If Psycho Bolt strikes a Confused enemy, it will deal an additional 20% - 100% Magic Damage and refresh itself

Psycho Bolt's Cool Down is reduced by 30% while before dashing back with Doppel-Dash

• Cast Time: 0.25 Seconds
  
• Projectile Range: 500 / 125 Units
  
• Projectile Speed: 800 UpS
  
• Cost: 40 Mana (+5 P/R)
  
• Cooldown: 6 Seconds
  
• Magic Damage: 40 (+40 P/R)
  
• Bonus Damage: 20% (+20% P/R)
  

W Doppel-Dash

Alla dashes a distance away while also creating a Mirror Image of herself that dashes in the opposite direction, both dealing 75 - 375 (+60% AP) Magic Damage

• For the next 4 seconds, Alla will gain an additional 45% Movement Speed and her Mirror Image will move opposite of her, staying in a straight line away from her
  
• • On Recast or after 4 seconds, she and her Mirror Image will dash back to original point Dopple-Dash was casted from, colliding and creating a burst of magic that deals 100 - 500 (+90% AP) Magic Damage and Confuses enemies for 2 seconds

(Confusion: Causes the enemy's movements and ability casts to be completely randomized)
Doppel-Dash deals damage during both the outward and inward dash
Alla's Mirror Image will cast Psycho Bolt and Reflective Wave when she does

• Cast Time: 0.5 Seconds
  
• Dash Range: 500 Units
  
• Dash Speed: 1100 UpS
  
• Effect Radius: 225 Units
  
• Cost: 70 Mana
  
• Cooldown: 16 Seconds (-2 P/R)
  
• Magic Damage (Dash): 75 (+75 P/R)
  
• Magic Damage (Burst): 100 (+100 P/R)
  

E Reflective Wave

Alla sends out a wave of magic that reflects projectiles, sending them back to where they originate from, and knocks enemies back 400 units, dealing 10 - 50 (+40% AP) Magic Damage

• Reflected Projectiles deal 20% - 60% (+0.2% AP) Increased Damage

• Cast Time: 0.25 Seconds
  
• Cast Range: 200 / 300 Units
  
• Cost:50 Mana
  
• Cooldown: 10 Seconds
  
• Magic Damage: 10 (+10 P/R)
  
• Reflected Projectile Bonus Damage: 20% (+10% P/R)
  

R Hall of Mirrors

Alla dashes in a circle as she creates three Mirror Images of herself that all follow at a set distance in a circle pattern for 6 seconds

• Each Mirror Image will cast the same spell Alla does, if one hits it will reduce the cooldown of the ability by 25%

When Hall of Mirrors ends, Alla and her Mirror Images will dash towards the center, creating a burst of magic that Confuses enemies within it for 2 seconds
Alla's Mirror Images will only cast spells when the target is within the circle; they will not cast Doppel-Dash

• Cast Time: 2 Seconds
  
• Effect Radius: 400 Units
  
• Cost: 100 Mana
  
• Cooldown: 130 Seconds (-35 P/R)
  

There was this young man named Hans who was born in eastern germany in 1920. His family was a victim of the times. His father had fought in ww1 and suffered from shell shock. He turned to liquor to soothe his mind. He was a loving father but his drunkenness drove his family deep into economic stress in a time of already hectic economics. Hans grew up knowing something was wrong with the world around him. He saw chaos around him and only wished for something to quell it. His wishes were answered by a political figure we all know today. As Hans grew older he saw Hitler take power and reunite his once chaotic country. Hans had become infected with the fascist bug. He promised to do anything to help this enigmatic leader of his. Once he turned 18 he joined the luftwaffe, the german air force, and he excelled in all his training. He went on to fight for his country over the coast of France. His fellow country men had driven the French and Brits to the sea. He flew his messerschmitt bf 109 on a patrol one day, finding a British RAF p-51 mustang doing the same as him. He engaged to young brit over the french countryside. Over the course of a few minutes, which felt like hours to Hans, the two enemies had flown loops and dives, emptying their guns trying to take eachother out. Hans was low on ammo and was abundantly aware of the consequences of losing this battle. Hans turned his aircraft with all his might and got his nose leading the target. He had aimed perfectly. Hans saw his tracers rip into the young brits cockpit, emphasized by an unholy splatter of blood on the glass, Hans knew he had made his first kill. Low on ammo and fuel he returned to the airfield to contemplate his actions. He struggled with the dichotomy of taking a life to save his country. For weeks he struggled with this, however his country needed him once more. The fuhrer had ordered the bombing of London itself. Hans, now with a kill on his belt, was trusted to guard the bombers as they flew over the English channel and over enemy territory. Night after night he flew, and for the most part he was successful. He protected his friendly airmen, racking up 6 more kills while on his missions. On one foggy night during this campaign, Hans was protecting his squadron as they went on their daring raid. They had flown over London once more, however, Hans could feel this time was different. The searchlights and anti air flak were unusually accurate. He was being tossed around by the blasts below him. Hans tried to ease his mind by telling himself that these rounds alway exploded well short of him. This was if everything went to plan. This night would not go to plan. Hans felt his aircraft being torn from his control as it rotated to the left, Hans looked to his right to see a fiery hole in his left wing. He had been hit. With no ability to control his aircraft, he bailed out. To the Brits on the ground, he was nothing but a small white circle of a parachute. Hans drifted back down to earth, knowing full well death might have been a better option than landing in enemy territory. He landed in a small field just outside of London proper, he took out his German issued sidearm ready to defend himself from the coming onslaught. He crept up to a small farm house on the edge of the field he had landed, he saw no light but a soft glow emanating from what appeared to be a bunker door. Hans reverted to his animalistic instinct of shelter and went to the bunker, only just now noticing a sharp pain on his right side. He had been struck by shrapnel from his own aircraft and was soaking his uniform in blood. As he approached the bunker he grew dizzy and was losing his wherewithal. He collapsed not a foot away from shelter. Hans woke with a startle. He was warm and inside. There was a family staring at him like a zoo animal, startled but intrigued. The middle aged man, presumably the father, spoke to Hans in his native tongue and said “it's ok, you are with a fellow countryman”. Hans had accepted his fate while falling to enemy territory, he knew he would be killed or captured. His fate had changed when he fell into the yard of a sympathetic German family. This family tended to Hans’ wounds, fed him, and kept him safe from the British authorities. They took him into town one day to get him clothes, the German uniform he had was a target on his back for any loyal brit. Now he roamed the streets of London, surrounded by enemies, all people who would wish him dead. The family he has fallen into wished to assimilate him into British culture and save him from the war, however Hans wanted nothing to do with this. He was a faithful servant of the third reich. He knew he had to get back. Hans devised a plan, he would get a fisherman, preferably a drunk who wouldn't be believed by officials, to sail him to his motherland. Hans found this man at a local pub, the fisherman was finishing what had to be his twentieth pint. Absolutely sloshed, Hans approaches the man and tells him he is a British spy that needs to infiltrate the reich and that he will pay the man a great sum. The fisherman believes every word of this story and insists on leaving that night. This was unfortunate for Hans, as there was a thunderstorm over the channel, causing ungodly high swells and a dangerous sailing condition to say the least, however Hans knew this was now or never. The two men go to a small dock on the English coast where the fisherman’s vessel was. It was an old boat, poorly kept with algae and barnacles infesting the sides. They boarded and started their journey. Rocked back and forth by the unrelenting storm, Hans only wished he had stayed in his burning aircraft. A trip that would usually take the fisherman 2 hours took them 4. The early morning sun was now cresting the cliffs that lay ahead of them. The closer they got, the more sober the fisherman got. Now, more than when intoxicated, he was aggressively interrogating the German about his funds and how he would get paid. He grew belligerent, knowing he had been duped. They went into a rage and were yelling and screaming at Hans threatening to kill him. Hans had few options, he needed to get home, however, he did not need this man to get him there. As the fisherman is verbally accosting Hans, Hans drew his service weapon and shot the man in the chest. Seconds after the shot, head and rifles appeared over the cliff, it was the German army, stationed to prevent an invasion. Hans was filled with hope as a German soldier pointed a gun and shouted commands at him. Hans replied to the commands by telling them he is a friend, and was returning to fight for the fuhrer after being shot down over London. The Germans naturally didn't believe him until they radioed the information in. He was quickly picked up by high command and questioned about his ordeal. Command was impressed by his actions and since Hans was injured, they granted him an honorable discharge . Hans was reunited with his family and swore to never leave them again. Hans knew this a lie but wanted to assure his family that he was there for them. A month goes by, Hans has been regarded as a hero, a man who is intensely loyal to his country, a man who at all costs will continue the fight. He meets a high ranking general one day and is told he is receiving a medal for his actions. The general asks Hans if there is anything he can do for him, anything to reward his actions. Hans wants nothing more to serve his country and advance the third reich. He asks the general to rejoin his old squadron of airmen. The general kidly refuses as the country can not risk such a well regarded man on the frontlines. He offers Hans a cushy guard job with the Waffen SS, Hitler’s personal army, the most elite, well trained, and consequently well paid soldiers. Han gratefully accepts, knowing he will be serving his country and have the finances to support his poor family. After some training and time, Hans gets his assignment, he was to be a guard at a concentration camp. Hans knew little of these places but was willing and curious to find out exactly what they were. He arrives for his first day and is met with the stench of death and decay. He is told to watch over the prisoners as they disrobe and throw their clothes into a pile to be burned. Hans is greatly disturbed by this, and questions if this was all worth it. He had fought so bravely, and done so much to stay in the fight, only to be put on guard duty for an evil act that he had been convinced was luxury. As an old man is struggling to take off his undergarment, a fellow SS guard pushes the man down and rips them off, and then throws them to the edge of the pile, just at the feet of Hans. Hans is overwhelmed and all he can think is, I've seen London, I've seen France, now I see someone's underpants

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CHAPTER 11 - OBFUSCATION

DATE POINT: MARCH 20th, 7 A.U. (AFTER UNIFICATION) LOCATION: SOL SYSTEM, ABOARD UTRN INDOMITABLE WILL
CAPTAIN HENRY O'TOOLE
CONTINUE THE MISSION UNTIL YOU REACH THE OORT CLOUD, RESTOCK YOUR WATER SUPPLIES, AND THEN YOU MAY RETURN TO S33 ON AN INBOUND NULL MATTER CURRENT. FIND OUT WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KILLINGS AND RESTORE ORDER OR YOU WILL BE RELIEVED OF YOUR COMMAND UPON RETURN.
Fucking bastards! Henry stared at the line from the new orders again with a groan.
"Looks like the new orders came in after all. Read it for yourself, I can't even right now.” Henry said, as he struggled to grapple with his indignation.
Chantal laid a supportive hand on his back as she read over his shoulder.
“What?! That’s hardly fair of them, they didn’t exactly give you the tools to succeed here. I mean, four murders in three days is really extreme, but still. They only gave us ONE basic forensic kit its supplies already.” Chantal protested.
“I can tell you right now, that kit was an afterthought. Nobody honestly believed there would be murders. The Masters-at-arms requested a kit just to have one, and they clearly were right. Now I'm wishing we'd packed extra consumables for it too. Not like our unsub has left us any clues anyway… At this point we're basically stuck waiting for them to make a mistake.” Paul complained.
“It’s like they were killed by a ghost, or like... a warp demon or something.” Jenkins said with a shudder.
Henry rolled his eyes then shot a warning glance towards Paul right as he seemed primed to comment. Another voice from behind them shocked them all with its biting tone.
“Don't be stupid. This isn’t one of your tabletop games or one of your crappy horror movies, Preston. People have died here.” Ariana snapped.
Paul shot her a look, which she simply ignored as her eyes bored into a sheepish Jenkins.
"Enough already! Fighting amongst ourselves isn't going to solve anything." Chantal cut in with a tone that seemed to have the desired effect in ending the spat.
“Let’s go over this one more time. None of our victims knew one another, the motive genuinely seems political, not personal, and we have no physical evidence that we can trace to any suspects. There has to be something here we can work from, perhaps something in the oddities of the case we've overlooked.” Chantal said with a distant look.
“Well... the DNA sequencing did just come back in. I'm still not sure what to make of it though, as the tissue under Sarah's fingernails was her own. Why would she be scratching at her own arms like that?” Paul asked.
“No idea, each of the victims had been seeing Dr. Amani fairly frequently, so there's a possible link there. While they all had their own reasons, the similarities were extreme stress and anxiety, a lack of quality sleep, intense nightmares, and a few even complained of sudden onset sleep paralysis. We have video in three of the four cases showing that the doctor was working during the window of opportunities to have committed each murder, and his alibi is airtight during the fourth, so it’s clearly not him. Maybe he's feeding information to whoever the killer is?” Henry added in.
“It's certainly possible. You all ask too nicely,” Ariana said, “Give me thirty minutes in a room with him and I'll get him to talk.” She said with a truly disconcerting smile.
“No, we are absolutely not doing that. It would be wise, however, to keep him under more intense scrutiny for the time being.” Henry said, as the lights flickered out, bathing them in emergency lights for nearly a whole minute this time.
“Fucking electrical!” Henry slammed his fists down on the table.
Chantal grabbed his forearm and spoke in a calming tone.
“Honey, getting mad at them isn’t going to help. The electrician’s mates are just as stressed and overworked as we are right now, we need to cut them some slack.”
“Bullshit, I'm with Henry, this is ridiculous. They've had months to sort this out now and it's only getting worse!” Paul said with his arms crossed and a deep scowl growing.
“One problem at a time people!” Ariana shouted. “Paul still has no real leads on these murders, and all I can seem to get out of people is a bunch of superstitious nonsense. You know people are calling this voyage cursed now?”
“This is insane! Grown-ass adults talking about ghosts and curses.” Paul said while he stared daggers at Jenkins.
“It’s because Mr. rocket arm over here failed to break the bottle on the bow. Combine that with everything else that seems to be going wrong? If everything had gone to plan nobody would be talking about a curse, but here we are.” Henry said as he glowered at Paul, who in turn just glared right back at him.
“Looks like we're back at square one. So, what are we going to do about these orders?” Chantal asked, looking concerned.
“I think we should go on the offensive; we can use this to help flush out our murderer.” Paul said.
“Oh? So what’s your plan then?” Henry asked with narrowed eyes.
“We suspect that our murderer is one of the firemen, as all of the victims were found in areas that no other rates would have easy access to. Our unsub is likely male and over six feet tall due to angles of wounds and blood splatter, their ability to overpower their victims, and some other clues. We also know that each murder took place in a camera dead zone, and they all had some variation of turn back written in blood on scene. I say we arrange for a meeting on the parade deck during A shift tomorrow to make an announcement. We have a list of a few dozen possible suspects that we can require to attend under the guise of recognition of their hard work and dedication. Maybe we can even goad them into saying something or acting in some other self-incriminating manner.” Paul said.
“Interesting, but wouldn’t they get suspicious at the invite?” Henry asked.
“Glad you asked! That’s the beauty of the plan, if we fail to invite our murderer, they will likely use the opportunity to strike again while most of the ship’s security and leadership is all in one room. If they do, we can knock dozens of names off the suspect list at once. If we are right and one of the invitees is our murderer, the chances that they will keep a straight face are slim. At the very least, there should be some kind of micro-expression that we can catch with a careful review of the footage.”
“That is a hell of a lot of maybes, Paul.” Henry growled.
“Do you have a better idea? One that can narrow this list faster or have greater odds of catching something suspicious?” Paul fired back.
Henry simply shook his head before replying.
“No.... I don’t. Alright, I approve of the plan. I'll prepare a speech; you go organize and invite everyone from your list. Make sure you get with the section chiefs to see who we can legitimately recognize for their hard work, and invite them as well. This will only work if we can catch them while their guard is down. To do that, this needs to have every appearance of legitimacy.” Henry said.
“I can do that. I wish we had more to go off of than a simple profile, but at this stage I'm stumped as to how else to proceed without narrowing the list down some more.” Paul replied.
“Good, so we have a plan at last. I'll get to work on that speech and get some rack time in while I can.” Henry said.
“Very well, I'll take the helm.” Paul said, “I already slept for a bit after the funeral earlier today.”
“We will reconvene at the start of A shift then. A good night’s sleep will do us some good, hopefully in the meantime someone thinks of an angle we haven’t explored already.” Henry said, dismissing everyone from his quarters.
Chantal stayed behind, as she had every sleep shift since the fire.
“We need to change the dynamic here, get them to react to us instead of us constantly being one step behind. Whomever they are, they might very well be victimizing more people as we speak. What a mess.” Henry said, rubbing his temples.
Together, they worked on an appropriate speech for the better part of an hour until they were satisfied and sleep began to call to them. Chantal pulled him by the hand away from his workstation and into bed, planting kisses to try and pull him out of his black mood any way she could. Henry found that he could not resist for long, not that he particularly wanted to, as they shed their clothes.
The sound of breaking glass killed the mood. Instantly. Henry jumped from the bed to investigate the bathroom.
What the fuck? His mirror had fallen off the wall and glass covered his bathroom floor.
Harry stared dumbfounded at what happened, with fear tickling at the base of his neck. He felt a hand on his back, causing his head to snap and look only to find Chantal looking confused and scared beside him.
“How the hell did that happen? You know what, don’t answer that. Come on, we can clean that in the morning, let’s just go to bed.” Chantal said shakily, her eyes imploring him to agree.
“Okay, that’s fine.” He hugged her close with his jaw set tight.
Henry never liked leaving a mess behind for later, but something in her tone of voice stopped him from arguing. They stood there for a moment longer before he closed the door and returned to bed. Any thoughts of passion were replaced by uneasy silence. Eventually, they both drifted off into a fitful sleep.
Henry awoke bleary and tired, feeling extremely uneasy. He could see the alarm clock read 3:05.
I set that for oh-five hundred... Why am I awake?
He shivered for a minute, as he scanned the freezing cold room with the fuzzy blackness playing tricks on his eyes. In spite of his rationality, he felt like there was something just at the edge of his vision in the dark corner. He struggled to move, as if he was flattened under an oppressive weight. His breath was visible in front of his face as a tingling sensation ran up his spine.
“Henry… turn the ship… around! Time... draws short... danger is near... soon... it will be... too late...” A voice spoke just at the edge of his hearing in a gasping, hollow tone.
The fuzzy blackness in the corner shifted, Henry still couldn’t move as he struggled with himself.
After a moment that stretched on forever, the oppressive feeling evaporated along with the cold. Finally able to move, he swept a light from his phone around the room.
Nothing. There's nothing there...
Slowly he brought his breath back under control, though he remained unnerved in spite of his best attempts to relax. He finally laid back down, playing it off as being all in his head until he rolled over to see Chantal wide eyed with tears streaming down her face.
“Henry, did you hear that?” All of the hair on his arms again stood on end as Henry sat silent, unable to process the impossibility of what had happened.
“You mean the creepy ghost voice telling me to turn the ship around?” Henry asked. Chantal only nodded, sniffing.
Silence reigned for an eternity before Chantal spoke up in a squeaky voice.
“When I was a little girl, we lived in an old house that was haunted, I know that feeling of being watched early in the morning. I am a woman of science, and that demands that I pay attention to evidence when it is there before me, even if it doesn’t seem to fit existing models. Especially when it doesn’t fit... Many of my greatest discoveries started off that way. Usually, It just means you are missing context, or you have a bigger puzzle with more pieces than you initially realized.” Her voice dropped to a very low whisper, and she leaned in close to his ear.
“I also think it wise we check for speakers or bugs that were installed by parties other than Paul, just in case. Someone might be trying to scare us by taking advantage of the ghost talk going around the ship right now.” She then put her finger to her lips and Henry nodded.
Once more, Henry found himself eternally grateful for her brilliant mind. He nodded ever so slightly and then continued the out loud conversation.
“I had a friend who told me stories like that when I was a teenager, but they moved before I could see for myself. I just know I've never experienced anything like that personally. Always left it as sort of an open question though, like it was something we simply didn’t have the science to explain just yet.”
Chantal smiled, clearly pleased that Henry had caught on.
“Let’s go for a walk.” She said as she zipped back into her BDU’s. As soon as they left the room, they both looked at each other and said “We gotta find Paul.”
“Jinx!” She shouted.
Henry ceded the point with a good-humored scowl as they made their way to the quick lift en route to the CIC. They grabbed a loop and rode down one level to find Paul and Jenkins standing over the system map in an animated discussion. Paul looked at Henry and did a double take.
“What the fuck are you doing here awake?” Paul said, stepping on a landmine in classic fashion.
“Mind your tone Paul. Honestly, sometimes I swear you forget that I'm your Captain.” Henry stared him down.
“Fine. What the fuck are you doing here awake, Sir?” Paul doubled down with an infuriatingly smug smile.
“Whatever, cut the crap, spook. Are there any new speakers or bugs installed in my room?”
Paul’s eyes narrowed. “No, at least none that I am aware of.” He shared a look with Jenkins before he looked at Henry. “Why do you look like you've seen a ghost? I mean you have always been pale, bud, but this is a new extreme.”
“Someone tried pranking us with a ghost voice that we both heard telling Henry to turn the ship around.” Chantal said, cutting Paul off and giving him a look.
Paul stared dumbfounded for a second he took on a pensive look.
“Okay, I will personally sweep your room for bugs and check in every last nook and cranny. C’mon Jenkins, let’s go get my kit. Henry, you have the CIC?”
Henry nodded. “Paul, there's something else. Our mirror fell out of the wall right before this happened. Wouldn’t want you to cut yourself in there, so, fair warning.”
“Those are epoxied onto the wall at the corners... The force to rip that down would be.. astronomical. Fucking weird. Thanks for the heads up, I'll look at that too, see what I think." Paul said over his shoulder.
“Hey, Paul, thanks.” Henry said, as much as he hated him at times, he was as loyal to the mission as he was brilliant in his own right.
That made him, somehow, just all the more annoying. Amber lights bathed the CIC and Henry dropped to a lower center of gravity as his magnetic boots activated and the ship pitched hard to starboard and then to port in quick succession. He again found himself thankful for the overlapped TK fields under their feet that acted both as inertial dampeners and artificial gravity in the critical sections of the ship.
In places such as engineering or the ship’s on-board hospital, having constant a constant feeling of gravity was a matter of life and death. The CIC was placed just above them on the second deck so it could also benefit from a sense of increased calm as the fields actively worked to counteract inertial changes. Everyone in the higher decks and farther from the fields simply had to make do with acceleration couches and mag boots.
“When it rains, it pours….” Henry mused, watching as the antimatter hazard report came in from the Fist of the Argonauts out ahead of them in the stream.
That's the third huge antimatter storm this week...
He watched a real time report of the ship’s multi-spectral laser point defense systems worked overtime to deflect smaller antimatter masses away from potential collision courses. Henry gripped tightly to the rail around the map screen as they dodged hard again.
“Fleetwide directive; All crew, stow equipment and prepare for aggressive maneuvers. We’ve hit another antimatter patch. It looks like we should be clear of it in about five minutes. You all know the drill.” Henry resigned himself to yet another long night with little to no sleep.
This trip had been threatening to kill them from the start, he would be damned if he would allow it.
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I tried talking to Cassie about what happened to Laundry Mom. (yes this is basically naming her and I’m changing the name but what if what the devil said means she’s going to come back and what if we can change her) Cassie’s response was “oh thank goodness” when I told her that she’s gone so I decided to end the conversation there and just bury my emotions inside.
Well, not entirely. I’ve been crying myself to sleep. I know I shouldn’t take this as hard as I am. If I think about it logically, it’s not like she cared about me or I cared about her, right? I was just a means to an end. I got rid of the flickering man for her. And I guess she thought I was able to get rid of the thing in the hallway too and that’s why she
dammit I’m crying again brb gonna go sob into my pillow like an idiot for a bit
Okay. Better. I think.
I couldn’t talk to Cassie about it. I was at a loss on who I could talk to… so I called my mom. And then, I don’t know, because I was feeling like someone else was gone and how I feel like it’s me, it’s all because of me, everyone that cares about me or that I care about is doomed to die.
I asked about dad.
If she thought that if he were still here and could do it all over again, knowing he could die out there in the fields, if he’d still do it to provide for his family. For us. Mom was silent for a long moment and then she told me, very quietly, that it wasn’t the money that kept him away from home. That was part of it, of course, but it wasn’t the main reason.
He needed distance from mom. After the affair he didn’t want to be around her because it hurt too much. But neither did he want to divorce her, because of us, so this was the compromise he found. He took a job that kept him away from home for months at a time and when he came home he was happy to see us, just us, the children, and he and mom tried to work on their issues. Like starting the relationship over. Small steps.
It wasn’t meant to be permanent. Either they’d find a way to move forward after what she did or they’d figure out how to separate without traumatizing the youngest of the children.
Instead, he died, and there was no reconciliation, there was no closure, there was nothing. Nothing but his absence.
I told mom I needed some time to work through what she just told me and then I hung up. I screamed. I threw things. Cassie finally intervened and very calmly said it was okay to be upset but Titanosaur was hiding in her closet and I needed to find a healthier way to cope with this. Cassie insisted that I put on gym clothes with her and we went running down the streets and sidewalks until I couldn’t breathe and then we ran some more.
It helped. I don’t want to ever do it again though. Then we sat down back at the apartment and I told her what my mom had said.
Cassie thinks that was a lot to dump on someone and that she shouldn’t have ruined the image I had of my dead father. I think my mom is tired of keeping secrets and thinks I should be able to make up my own mind on how I feel about our family.
I know what it’s like to carry secrets. I feel much better now that I’m sharing most everything with Cassie.
It’s kind of weird to realize your parents are just people too and are doing the best they can and they don’t have it all figured out either and they’re getting things wrong too.
I feel so numb right now. Maybe it doesn’t matter. We can’t go back and change things and we can’t get answers to the questions we have. That’s just how it is.
I wish I could say that things get better. For a short time, it seemed that they would. I focused on my classes and tried to ignore everything else. Rumors about the haunted English building were abundant and people were saying the right things, so at least it seemed unlikely that the thing in the hallway was going to claim another victim despite its increased activity. That felt like all I could do. The thing had killed Laundry Mom. Not even the flickering man had managed that. What could I possibly do against something like that? It felt like I would be trying to stop a force of nature, like squaring off against a tornado and thinking that I, frail flesh and brittle bones, could stop its path of destruction.
I remember how I felt when I looked at it. The despair and the hopelessness and just the utter loathing, like I was dissecting myself in my mind to uncover every flaw and fault inside. I don’t want to feel like that again.
So for the past few weeks I’ve just been keeping my head down and going to class and going to work.
Yeah I’m still working at the dining hall. Money. It’s a thing.
But my manager was getting worse. The incidents where he ate everything in the stockroom were getting more frequent, to the point where he started stocking food in the neighboring dorm’s dining hall and sending us over to fetch what we’d need every morning. That was working out… until it stopped working.
I had the opening shift. I hate being scheduled for mornings, but that’s what happens when you’re reliable I guess. You get tapped for responsibilities that require reliability. And sure I’m super fucking grumpy in the morning, but at least I’m present I guess.
I even show up when it’s raining. Because by now I know what a dangerous rain looks like and if it’s just a steady, normal rain, I grab an umbrella and hustle my ass over there.
So I showed up bright and annoyed with an umbrella still dripping rainwater onto the floor, reminding myself that this job was keeping me from surviving solely off ramen, and I found the kitchen silent and still. This was unusual. He got here before everyone and would start getting the oatmeal going at least before anyone else arrived.
Fearing the worst, I hurried to the stockroom. It was raining, after all, and I think coffee boss’s talk with him about remembering to use his damn umbrella hadn’t sunk in yet.
We didn’t have much in there, but he’d eaten it all. There wasn’t anything left. Nothing. He’d eaten all the boxes, the freezer door hung open and I could see the shelves were clear. There was something unsettling about the barren stockroom too, something that took me a moment to place.
It wasn’t just the food that was gone. Everything was gone. The extra pots and pans. The cleaning supplies. The only thing left were the shelves and from the way they glistened moistly in the dim light of the single overhead bulb, I think he’d even licked the dust off of them.
He stared at me from the middle of the room, his jaw slack and his tongue hanging out like a dog. It almost reached his belly button. One shoulder drooped lower than the other and his head was tilted in the opposite direction. His eyes were wide and hopeless and famished.
“I’m so hungry,” he whispered.
Drool dribbled down his cheek and fell to the ground in thick globs. He shuffled a step towards me and I clamped down hard on my urge to panic. I couldn’t freeze up. I couldn’t run. He needed help… and he needed to revert back to normal before any of the other employees showed up.
“Hey, I’m having trouble getting the oven to light,” I said casually, as if nothing was wrong. “Could you take a look?”
Another step closer. No response, other than a faint whisper, repeating that he was hungry. So hungry.
“I think Susan called out,” I said, trying something else. “Don’t we need to find someone else to come in so we’re not short-handed?”
Still nothing. This wasn’t working anymore. Normally he would have snapped out of it by now. I hurriedly backed away, feeling that mounting panic trying to worm its way up out of my gut and into my chest. I couldn’t let it. I couldn’t let it pour ice into my veins and send me into paralysis as my manager shuffled ever closer, whispering about food.
“How about we try the next dormitory over?” I said in desperation. “They’ve got food.”
He paused. His head tilted further in one direction as he considered. Then his gaze slid off me and towards the door. I gasped in relief. Okay. This was better. The only problem was, he was shuffling towards the exit that would take us downstairs and outside into the rain. I had my umbrella on me, but I couldn’t cover both of us with it. Given a choice I’d rather keep him out of the rain as much as possible, but I kind of don’t want to get myself in it either. And not only that, but I didn’t want to be close to him, just in case he lost control. I’d have to be right next to him to hold the umbrella. Even then, it’s not going to keep the rain completely off. It gets windy during storms. I wasn’t sure what that would do to him and I really didn’t want to find out.
“Let’s try the steam tunnels,” I suggested. “They connect directly to the next dorm over and we won’t go through the rain that way.”
The steam tunnels aren’t safe either. Given the options though, I felt it was best to at least look and see if they were passable or not. If not, I’d say we should risk the rain after all and try to keep him under an umbrella as much as possible. I was formulating plans A, B, and C.
Plan C was running away. Plan C is always running away.
He followed me down the stairs, swaying slightly back and forth with each step. His breathing was labored and his stomach gurgled incessantly, a sharp counterpoint to his rasping lungs. I hurried as much as I dared, afraid that if I went too fast he’d collapse and fall down the stairs and afraid if I went too slow he’d lose his inner battle for control and try to eat me right then and there. My heart pounded and my palms were sweaty from anxiety by the time we got to the steam tunnels. I hastily unlocked it with my copy of the master key and threw open the door.
I swore under my breath. Roots. They clogged the tunnel. Of course they did. It was raining and I always saw them when it was raining.
“Not that way,” I sighed, and I started to close the door.
There was a noise like stones grinding against each other. Like the side of a mountain cleaving in two and sliding apart. It was deafening. I shrieked and stumbled backwards, throwing my hands up to cover my ears. The ground wasn’t where I expected it to be. My ankle rolled sideways and I fell hard.
I caught myself with my elbow.
Not a great thing to do on cement, let me tell you.
I lay there, gasping, as pain shot all the way up my arm and through my shoulder. The ground continued to vibrate beneath my feet. Then I looked up and over, my thoughts moving sluggishly about how I needed to get help for myself now, that I’d hurt myself, that I was bleeding because I could see the blood dripping off the tip of my elbow, and also do something about my manager but there was just me here and -
But there wasn’t just me anymore.
I stared up at the legs of the groundskeeper. The floor of the basement had split in two, pulled apart by thick trunks of roots. They bunched together and then split apart in groups of five. Like fingers, I thought distantly. Like hands holding the ground apart.
And the groundskeeper, his skin like flint, had a hand wrapped around the neck of my manager. He didn’t struggle. He just hung there limply, staring off into the distance with agonized tears running down his cheeks.
“I’m so hungry,” he whispered.
Then the groundskeeper stepped into the crevasse and the roots slithered back after him, the fingers digging gouges into the cement as they dragged the floor back together after them.
I was alone in the basement.
I staggered upstairs, sobbing and dripping blood all over my shirt and jeans. The people at the front desk panicked briefly upon seeing me but one of them realized that it would just be faster to walk down the street to the medical center than to wait for an ambulance to be routed from the local hospital. So that’s what we did. They threw some paper towels at me to keep from dripping blood everywhere and then one of them escorted me there. I got an x-ray that confirmed nothing was broken (thank goodness) and was sent home with a sling and some painkillers.
I didn’t go straight home. (I desperately wanted to go home and take medicine and cry some more, but also I felt I had to do this) I went to the coffee shop first.
My former boss quickly ushered me into the office once an employee let her know that someone named Ashley was here to see her. She eyed the sling my arm was in with alarm.
(I’m doing fine now, I only wore it for like two days)
“It’s fine,” I quickly told her. “But he’s gone.”
And it took a while to tell her what happened, because I kept crying and once I started I couldn’t stop. It’s all too much. I feel like I’m drowning.
“Oh sweetie,” she sighed, coming around the desk so she could pat me on the back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you to deal with that.”
“I shouldn’t have gone into the basement,” I blubbered.
“How were you supposed to know? The groundskeeper has never left the cemetery to my knowledge.”
I went very still and blinked away tears. I had to focus. She knew about the groundskeeper. Quietly, I asked her what, exactly, did she know about that thing?
It’s been here a long time, she said. She found out about it from the person that trained her as manager when she first started working here. It was just another one of those stories passed around campus except this one was mostly circulated among the staff. The groundskeeper didn’t like anyone affiliated with the university, they said. He’d tolerate their presence in the graveyard during visiting hours, but that was all.
But where did he come from, I asked. She shrugged and said the oral tradition didn’t care much about that. It was more interested in horrible, certain demise befalling staff members that strayed into the cemetery.
“But why did he go after my manager?” I asked.
“I have no idea,” she sighed. “You ask too many questions. That’s a bad habit around here.”
The flickering man wasn’t here to rip people’s tongues out anymore, but I didn’t know quite how to explain that to her.
“It’s rare, but we do lose staff on occasion,” she continued. “He’s certainly not the first and he won’t be the last. If the roots are spreading like you say they are, then perhaps there’s no reason other than he happened to be within reach.”
I have my own theory, but I stayed quiet. She clearly wasn’t interested in speculating. She just wanted to do her job, get paid, and stay alive. She wouldn’t care that I wondered if he was getting worse, if he was changing more and more frequently, and that attracted the groundskeeper’s attention. If the groundskeeper and the roots were hostile towards the university, then perhaps that hostility extended to the creatures it created. My poor manager wasn’t the only creature I’d seen them eliminate.
“Besides,” she continued. “Did you see him die?”
“He - the ground -”
“Did you see him die?”
No. I didn’t. He was pulled underground. I was about to bolt out of there and, I don’t know, start digging up graves in the graveyard in the hopes he was inside one, still alive, but the manager’s friendly pat on the back turned into a firm grip on the shoulder.
“Let me deal with this,” she said. “I’ve got friends in campus security. We’ll see if we can find him.”
I’m starting to wonder if my life would be better right now if I’d told my former boss everything that was going on as soon as I met her.
“Why do you stay?” I demanded. “This place isn’t worth it.”
She patted me on the shoulder.
“You’re close to graduation, you’ll get to find out what the job market is like first-hand soon enough.”
I had a horrible thought upon leaving her office. We’ve figured out that the rain changes people so other than putting it in the rules, I haven’t given it much thought since then. It was just another thing to worry about, but it was a distant problem. Not something that directly affects me.
But what if it is?
Those lapses in my memory? What if it’s because I’m changing? We’ve been so focused on the forgetter and Grayson that we’ve ignored the obvious explanation. The rain changed Maria and she didn’t remember what happened to her. So what if I’m changing too. What if I’m me but not-me and that’s why people have seen me around campus in places I normally wouldn’t go.
It’s a horrifying thought. But it makes sense. The rain does change people.
It could change me.
It could have changed Grayson.
Because. Well.
I think some of you are right about him.
I asked Professor Monotone if he had any photos of James. My heart wasn’t really into the investigation, not after what happened to Laundry Mom and my late boss. It was more like I was going through the motions and following up on the things I felt I should. Just wrapping up another loose end and putting a face to James just like we’d put a face to the steam ghost. Professor Monotone said he did have a photo. James was part of a group he’d taken on a summer trip one year and they’d taken some group photos at the site. He’d put them with the other. He had a whole folder full of them, going back from when he first started teaching here.
Which is kind of sweetly sentimental but also very helpful for my purposes. I followed him to his office and he rummaged through the folder for a while. It wasn’t organized in any way. Every now and then he’d toss a photo in my direction and ramble about what trip that was, where they went, what they did, and what the students involved did after graduation. It felt a lot like looking through someone’s family photo album.
“Here it is,” he triumphantly proclaimed, holding aloft a photo. “It wasn’t a big trip. Just went out to dig up some fossils for a week.”
He handed it to me.
“James is second from the right,” he said.
I took the photo. Then I quietly asked him to please confirm, second from the right, and that’s my right, correct? It was. There he was, a little shorter than the other students on the field trip, standing on tiptoes so that he could throw his arms around the shoulders of the two students standing to either side of him. He stared at the camera, his hair messy and maybe a little dirty from messing around in the dirt all day, squinting in the bright sunlight.
I finally knew what James looked like.
I stared at the photo for a long time, until Professor Monotone asked me if everything was okay. I burst into tears at the question and I sobbed so hard that I couldn’t even answer. The professor just waited patiently, mutely handing me the box of tissues, and when I finally calmed down I only shook my head, handed him the photo, and told him I couldn’t talk about it right now. That I needed some time.
Because the face that stared at me from the photo, smiling with his arms around his classmate’s shoulders, was Grayson.

okay so this might be long because i want to provide as much detail as possible so you can get the full picture. i (23NB) have lived in this NYC apartment for 4 years, and lived with one of my roommates (24F) (will be referred to as “A”) for the entirety of the time i’ve been in the city, which is 6 years. we were assigned roommates in college and just kept living together because at the time we were good friends and it worked! we had rotating 3rd roommates throughout the years and dealt with a lot of crazy shit together, including a violent roommate, but that’s a story for a different day. so this roommate and i had been having some issues for the past couple of years because she got addicted to ketamine. i felt responsible for her because it started out as us using recreationally together but she spiraled out of control with it and honestly the entire situation was just a lot on me. throughout her addiction she was doing, at one point, 16 grams in 3 days, so i was really worried that she would die, not to mention she doesn’t really test her drugs and was getting it from a neighborhood that’s notorious for fentanyl. it honestly became my full time job to take care of her, but at the end of the day I was just trying to be a good friend. after some therapy/self work, i now realize how enabling the role I was playing actually was, but it was just the position that I was put in and I had also never dealt with something like this before. I feel like for further context, i should add that A’s parents pay her rent and for a lot of things for her. she had a part time job at the time and was also in school but left due to her addiction. the situation that i am in is very different, my family does not support me financially and i pay for everything for myself and have made my way pretty much on my own. i’m pretty established in my neighborhood because I am a tattoo artist at a local shop and also have worked for 3 other businesses within the same few blocks. i also consistently have multiple jobs at once, now i have 3, and for a long time I was working 6 days a week. not really relevant to the situation but needless to say, i already have a LOT on my plate. anyways, so yeah. for about almost 2 years, i was dealing with my roommates addiction. i watched her overdose and throw up on herself 5-7 times, she projectile vomited all over the house, i have dragged her out of a pool of her own vomit, she would consistently lie to me about whether she was high or had bought ketamine, and our other friends and i would go through her room to make sure she wasn’t hiding it countless times, (to no avail obviously, she would always lie and say she didn’t have any more when she did, hidden in hard to find places.) it affected everyone in our friend group and in her life. but especially me because i was really the only person who was physically present for it all. i tried talking to her about it at first, and was very understanding and patient with her and genuinely was doing my best to help because she was my friend, we were really close, and I didn’t want to see her die or ruin her life. she also expected me to say something to her and would tell me that i should say something if i thought she was high. she would say this when she was sober and it started off an an “accountability partner” thing, but eventually became very codependent and unhealthy. even when i would ask her, she would lie. i made it very clear from the beginning that all of this was damaging our relationship, but i was still doing my best to be her friend and be there for her. at one point, i even took the drugs out of her room and hid them in mine to take to another friends house the next day to dispose of them, and she went into my room and found them. it reached a point where I made her call her parents and tell them what had been going on. calling her parents had honestly been in discussion for a while, and the sober version of her agreed that it needed to happen. she got a slap on the wrist and sent to the mental hospital for a few days, she even convinced them to let her out early! her parents also weren’t really involved in her care at all after because she has never been disciplined in her life, her parents think she can do no wrong. she relapsed soon after she got out and at this point, I started taking a lot more space for myself because I was mentally and emotionally drained and it was clear that all my efforts were in vain. this was after dealing with it for about a year. honestly, i should have definitely started planning on moving out around this point. the reasons I didn’t were the fact that i still considered A to be one of my best friends despite what we had gone through, all of my jobs are like a 5-10 minute walk away, and I also loved my room. i put a lot of time and effort into decorating it and I had also lived there for a long time and for a really great price, $850 for a huge room with a dishwasher, laundry in building, AND a rooftop i can smoke on outside my window with a view of a GREEN backyard with PLANTS. not some concrete bs. that’s UNHEARD OF in nyc. im also not really great with change, even if it’s for the best, and to be honest i was also naive and thought things would eventually go back to normal. this was a person that i previously trusted a lot, i didn’t think she would normally do these things to me. anyways, eventually she got sober and then my, at the time, best friend of 7 years from home, a state across the country, moved in. (22 F, let’s call her “B”) we met in high school and I was in the class above her. we only went to school together for a year before I graduated and moved to NYC, so for the past few years, our friendship had been over facetime/seeing eachother occasionally when I would come visit. B’s background is similar to mine, the state we’re from is very impoverished and we both left the religion we were raised as. another huge reason she moved here was so that she could start medically transitioning and get on estrogen. i was really excited for her and also wanted to support her in her transition, im also non binary and we come from a really transphobic state, so growing up queer in the south was like a huge part of our friendship, and when she moved in, she didn’t have a lot of gender affirming clothes, and i had a ton of clothes, so i gave her a bunch of mine, i sent her resources, lent her books/zines, point is i really was trying to support her, and before she moved in and even throughout us living together we would talk for hours about this stuff. also, normally, i would not feel the need to even mention the fact that someone is trans, but all of this is relevant to the story. i will also add that I know now to never live with friends! at the time, i thought it would be okay because I trusted her and we seemed to have good communication on roommate matters and i think we both had good intentions going into it. we would say things like “i don’t plan on moving out on bad terms” “we can communicate and respect eachothers boundaries!” etc. i also knew that she really wanted to move here because she had talked about it for years and she came and visited before she moved in. so yeah, things were great at first, but not for long. so I am someone who, like I said, am at work most of the time and when i come home from work I just want to relax and smoke weed and chill and if you know me in real life, you know that i’m not a very beefy person and it takes a lot to really make me upset, i’m generally chill about most things, honestly to my detriment. so the first signs of things starting to go south were when B started to say that I was ignoring her. this was confusing to me, as we hung out most days after I got off work, and she even had a job herself at the time, (she’s been fired twice in the past year and was unemployed on and off) so she wasn’t like completely trapped in the house all the time. I would try to inquire further and understand why she thought I was ignoring her, and reassure her that I’m listening. she started telling me that she needs a lot of reassurance, and i told her that I am happy to reassure her whenever needed! we talked it through and i genuinely started to put in a lot of effort into making sure i was being fully present during our time together and also making sure I was hanging out with her enough. this quickly evolved into us having very extensive conversations for hours where she would bring up the fact that she still felt like i was ignoring her, and i would reassure that I was not purposefully ignoring her, im listening and really trying. and almost daily she would bring up a problem that she had with something that I said or did. she even at one point started tweeting about me, saying things like “do u even consider others?”. she also asked me to be on constant emotional monitoring for her, which i told her that i will not do that. i don’t really pick up on subtle social cues or “shade” and also it’s not my job to do that. if something upsets you, you can communicate with me about it instead of being passive aggressive or expecting me to be able to read your mind. plus, real friends don’t have to be responsible for every single emotion! at one point, she told me that she was mad at me because living together wasn’t living up the the idealized version of what she thought it would be. she would also guilt trip me like a LOT. she would be like “as a friend, you should be doing ____ for me” and her requests got more and more ridiculous as time went on, one of them being to basically force myself to start listening to a genre of music that i simply just don’t like or want to listen to during my own time, insinuating that i would be a bad friend if i didn’t like the same music as her. and to that, i tried to explain to her that we don’t have to like the same music in order to be friends and that i don’t care if she listens to music that i don’t particularly listen to on my own, although i am happy to listen to her recommendations, i am picky about the music I listen to. basically i felt like she was trying to find any stupid reason to say i was a bad friend. it started to really annoy me, because i already had a lot on my plate, and honestly i just didn’t have the bandwidth to be fully present all the time, especially after dealing with my other roommates addiction for so long. i needed space and time for myself really badly, and I felt like I was trying really hard to please her to no avail. all of this was incredibly exhausting to deal with. i tried to communicate this to B, but it never got through. during these very tedious conversations, B would say things that were extremely concerning, such as “You need to stop triggering me!!!” to which i responded, “okay let’s make a deal, i will be more mindful of your triggers if you work on managing them.” she would also constantly make accusations at me. for example, she accused me of laughing AT HER when i was not, and I was laughing at something completely unrelated. there were many other times that she accused me of doing and saying things that I never said or did. she would twist my words a lot, things i told her in confidence, and use them against me, adding an entire new meaning to what i was saying. and if i disagreed with her or got even a little defensive she would be like “You just pissed me off!!!!” i honestly felt like she was just picking on me and criticizing me at a lot of points, because I could literally breathe wrong and it would be an issue. i now realize that she actually just needs to create drama, but i didnt want to admit that at the time. again, during this time I was trying to be very calm during our conversations when trying to reassure her and explain myself, but internally I was very stressed out by all of this. at some point during all this, A relapsed. this was a disaster, B knew about the relapse and was lying to me about it. i was especially upset because the way A relapsed was she asked me to unlock the parental password on her phone so she could “update apps”, but instead she downloaded the app she uses to text her plug, so essentially she tricked me into enabling her relapse and took advantage of my trust. i messaged her parents immediately and told them. at this point, i felt like it was expected of me to do that. of course, they basically did nothing for a while, it got really bad. A was basically not functioning at all. she would tell me that she didn’t care how she made me feel. our other friend came over and went through her room and babysat her to make sure she wouldn’t do ketamine but she pretended to go to sleep while he was literally crying next to her and she got up and did it right after he left. a lot of horrible things were said, i would express the fact that i hate that i can’t trust her, and she would scream back “i don’t want you to trust me!”, amongst many other awful things. we would hear loud snorting like every few minutes every single day, which was extremely stressful. she broke the stove because she was high, it was affecting the way she looked and her physical health, and at this point it was a safety concern for her and for B and I, because we did not want to be responsible if something happened to her and this was affecting us tremendously. eventually, B and I called her parents and told them a lot of details and begged them to send her to rehab, I had to send them a long text message being like super blunt about the fact that she needs to get professional help or she will die, and they were basically saying that ultimately it’s up to her, which was bullshit in my opinion, but she did end up going. during the time A was in rehab, things with B got progressively worse. a lot of weird and horrible things started happening, she berated me for like over an hour about one of my closest friendships, that she met once and got “bad vibes from”, i told her that I didn’t want to be put in a position where i have to defend my other friendships to her, especially ones that have nothing to do with her, and that this person is an extremely good friend to me, and that she didn’t have to be around her if she didn’t want to. i was asking her to stop but she wouldn’t! she was pulling bullshit reasons why i shouldn’t hang out with this person anymore out of her ass. for context, B drinks a lot, and she drank the night we all hung out while my other friend and i didn’t really drink. she was like “i actually HAD to drink that night because your friend was making me so uncomfortable!” which, that night was extremely normal and chill, nothing bad happened at all, also don’t blame me or anyone else for your own habits! she would pick fights almost daily. on halloween, we got drunk together with one of the people she was seeing at the time, and she ended up berating me in front of this person for ignoring her, not respecting her, etc and the person had to step in and tell her that she’s making pointed comments at me and not hearing me out, and that she was being horrible to me. (this is not the only time someone hung out with us together and then told her that she was being an asshole to me.) that night, she said a lot of hurtful things, such as “at least i don’t have a bunch of fake friendships!” (as if my friendship with her was the only “real friendship” i could have) and “you don’t have the lesbian experience you claim to have!!!!” (what does that even mean??? i’ve been lesbian since before we met lol) and she also falsely accused me of saying that being a lesbian is worse than being a trans woman, which i never said! i have never even thought that and that is not how i feel at all! at first i tried to explain everything using logic, but eventually i basically told her to stop projecting her insecurities onto me and to stop dragging me into her shit. she slammed the door in my face when we got home. we didn’t talk for like a month. during this month, i really needed some outside support, so i reached out to some trusted people to tell them what was going on and get some advice on what i should do/ how to handle the situation, and to get an outside perspective. honestly, that night was the straw that broke the camels back and sent me into a full mental breakdown from the stress of everything that had been going on in the house. i was like scream crying every single day for the entire month, unable to function at work, not thinking clearly at all. everyone in my life was telling me i should just move out asap. i think i was just extremely upset because I then realized that my relationships with both of them were not healthy, but i really cared about these people. i was extremely disappointed in how things were going, and i was also extremely worried about both of their wellbeings, i didn’t want anything to happen to them or to not have them in my life. and i was also upset that they had been being absolutely horrible to me and i was honestly just sick of being treated like shit by my roommates at this point. honestly i was an asshole when i would talk about it sometimes, but how was i supposed to be kind when everyone was being so cruel to me for no reason? i was honestly really mad, especially because B knew the stress of taking care of A, like why are you adding to the intense stress i already had just experienced?? during this time, i realized that all of this was happening because of B’s untreated BPD. to clarify, i do not care about people having bpd or other mental health disorders as long as you are not hurting other people, which, B was hurting me a lot and honestly our relationship was pretty destructive to my mental health. i also realized that these friendships were wildly codependent and unhealthy, and I needed to set boundaries. i can only take so much abuse!!! and i felt like a scapegoat for both of them and a crutch in the situation. although i still cared for these people, i knew that this was not sustainable long term. i could not handle the weight of A’s life on my back or the way I was being treated by either of them, or the fact that my home was not actually safe. at first, i was going to move out and take a break from the friendships, with the intention of hopefully rekindling when we were all in healthier places, but also the need to move out felt super urgent. the stress from this entire situation had leaked into every area of my life. i was doing poorly at work, every person in my life was telling me how i needed to get out asap because this shit was bad for my health and they had watched my mental health deteriorate because of it but i really didn’t want to move, i had lived there and known these people for so long. after chatting with other people who have bpd who are in therapy and live an emotionally healthy life, they told me that what really helps people with bpd is if you are honest with them and encourage them to seek treatment, as well as setting clear boundaries around their behavior. i was the closest person to her at the time, so i wanted to be honest with her and try to help, i wrote both of my roommates long text messages explaining how i felt and what my boundaries were moving forward. they did not take this well! they started justifying their behavior to eachother, and made me out to be the villain in the story. A told B that i told other people she had bpd, which i did do! but i did that because i needed support and advice, and I also couldn’t handle the horrible treatment i was receiving, the weight of all of this was extremely heavy. not because i was trying to “turn people against her”, as they were trying to make it seem like. this is a real life adult issue, not some petty sides picking bullshit, and i genuinely needed support because everything that was happening was making me feel insane and extremely stressed out. I even previously asked A not to say anything to B to make the situation worse and that at this point I just wanted to have conversations surrounding solution, but i think A was being strategic in telling B things that she knew would make her upset. B was upset that I told people what was going on and accused me of being manipulative. i honestly understand why she would be upset about that, it’s a very stigmatized disorder and it wasn’t really my place to share that information. but i also told these people those things in confidence, i didn’t expect them to tell her i said anything to try to make the situation worse. and i also only told people that i trusted and honestly i just wanted help and support and an outside perspective and to express my feelings. after i sent the long text messages to my roommates, (i let B read hers in person so we could have open dialogue and A hers while she was in rehab so she could talk about it in therapy) (also i know that long text messages are not the best way to communicate and work through issues, im going to avoid doing that in the future) B’s response was basically something like, yeah i have bpd and yes I was projecting my shit onto you and lashing out at you, but I used to do way worse things to people. but thank you for typing this out and i’m gonna start going to therapy and working on it. she also said something like “well. friendships are through the good, the bad, and the ugly. sorry that you saw my ugly side!” like. okay. a real apology would be nice lol. in the days after this, i ended up having a huge mental crisis from all of the overwhelming stress and could not function properly, i had to go to the hospital. once i got back from the hospital, all I wanted to do was work on myself. i started creating distance from them and going back to therapy and al anon, and really started trying to pull my own shit together. i apologized for telling other people and said that I wouldn’t tell anyone again, and i didn’t. A’s sibling and i suggested that we go to family therapy so that we could have healthier relationships, A’s parents even offered to pay for it, but it never actually happened. things were kind of okay for the next few months. i wasn’t as close to either of them, but i was okay with that because I needed space and to be able to focus on myself. i talked about it a lot with a therapist, and i was essentially trying to maintain the friendships in a non codependent way. i honestly just kept to myself for a while and started taking a lot more alone time. forgot to mention, another reason they were mad at me was because I was going to move out on short notice (before i went to the hospital), but I also was going to find someone to fill the room to make the process less stressful for them, and i was vetting people to make sure they would be a good fit, and i wanted A and B to meet and approve of the person. i needed to get out of there as fast as possible, but i wanted to put effort into finding someone compatible with them. i already had a place to go lined up, but it fell through before we found anyone else (the stress of trying to move also contributed to me going to the hospital and the situation i was going to go into seemed great at first but turned out to be a complete mess), and i also felt really guilty and horrible, so i ended up staying and trying to repair and maintain the relationships while also taking adequate alone time and upholding my boundaries. anyways, a few months pass, all i have been doing at this point is working on myself and going to work and coming home and chilling, there hasn’t really been much conflict besides the normal A being a passive aggressive asshole (which she always has been. looking back, i don’t even know how i was friends with someone like this) and B would still say disturbing things every once in a while, such as comparing me to past friendships that didn’t work out, and at one point she even flipped the narrative subtly to make it seem like i “had an outburst for no reason”. (when she is actually the person who had the outbursts towards me), and generally just blame shifting a lot in subtle ways, saying I was the one who “changed the dynamics of the house”, even though all I did was set boundaries and take time for myself, plus, the previous dynamic obviously was not working. but honestly i was just kind of ignoring it. at this point the dynamic has been A and B spending most of their time together, (they also have a codependent friendship) and me mostly keeping to myself, but hanging out occasionally and being cordial in the apartment. I was okay with that because I really just wanted alone time anyways, and I made it clear to them that I need time to work on myself, which i was doing a lot of, and B started therapy so I thought we were all just kind of working on ourselves at this point and trying to move forward. so one day, A and B go back to A’s home state together for a week, i was honestly a bit upset by this because we originally planned to all go together, we have all always gone together in the past, and honestly i thought things were chill now that everyone was in therapy, plus we had hung out on purpose occasionally. nope! once they got back, they told me I had to move out! i was extremely upset by this. honestly i was at my wits end with their bullshit, especially since A had continued to be an asshole to me even when i was still being kind and normal to her. honestly i am glad I had to move out, my life is going to get a lot better now that I don’t have them in it, but I was still just like. pissed because honestly my only objective this entire time has been to exist in my house and also I just felt like it was unfair especially considering the fact that they were the ones who were causing the issues, although I do recognize my part in them. i was codependent AF and trying to fix my friends, enabling horrible things to happen in my life to the point of going actually insane, i had extremely poor boundaries in the name of trying to be a good friend, and i should have left a long long time ago. but anyways, when they told me I had to move out, i basically said that I agreed and that I didn’t want to live with them anymore, i slammed my door and blocked them both on instagram, i also removed all of my personal belongings from the common areas. thankfully, my real friends were all there for me during this time and letting me crash on their couches. i didn’t really want to be in the apartment. within the next few days, i started getting harassed over text by their friends and unfollowed by people who were associated with them. they started going on a smear campaign against me! their friends started harassing me over text, saying “you need the mental hospital. stop pissing in glasses and stop speaking on trans people. seek the maximum amount of help possible” so basically, at this point, they’re basically telling people things that are blatantly untrue. i have never pissed in a glass before, in fact, i know B has pissed in cups in her room for her whole life (probably where she got the idea from) besides, pissing in cups isn’t a crime! also, at this point, i thought we had already talked out and worked through the me telling people about B’s BPD. so i messaged them and I was like. “can you guys please stop slandering me. this has been a traumatizing situation for all of us. honestly i would prefer for this to be as smooth as possible. i have not pissed in a glass and i have no idea what i even said about trans people that was offensive or hurtful” and they responded by saying “we have proof you were misgendering me and the shit we found out was before A’s relapse and before we had a fight”. so basically, while they were on vacation, they went LOOKING for things to use against me. A’s relapse was 8 months ago at this point, why are you digging stuff up from back then to use against me now?? i also have no idea when i misgendered her, and it was obviously a complete accident. i went through every message i sent in the past year that had anything to do with her and couldn’t find any misgendering. at this point, i did not inquire further because I was sick of having to defend myself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding me and also manipulating the situation to make me seem like a bad person. honestly, i don’t care much about the smear campaign, because most of those people i didn’t really like anyway, and the ones i did who believed them, i know now that they’re not my real friends. (even though it’s the same people saying that the way I was treated by A through her addiction was incredibly unfair to me, and asking why she is doing this to me, but how dare I be actually affected?!) although the saying i’m transphobic thing is really frustrating, especially considering the fact that i literally invited you to come here SO THAT YOU COULD TRANSITION and the fact that I am also non binary. but also, how are you going to come into my home after I invited you to move in with me out of the kindness of my heart, start yelling at me and attacking me constantly and disrespecting my boundaries, kick me out of MY OWN HOUSE, and then smear my name, saying things that are blatantly untrue, to people i knew for years BEFORE YOU MOVED IN, who I INTRODUCED YOU TO ???? anyways, B went into my room while i was at work and took all of her artwork off my walls, which i don’t care about the artwork, but her going into my room made me really uncomfortable, so I installed a lock on my door until I could move out. B also ripped my mentor at the tattoo shop’s artwork off of the walls, stole it, and when i demanded it be returned it was returned to me vandalized. (she knows that my mentor wants the best for me and supports me in many areas of my life). so at this point, i’m being harassed and my items are being stolen. i had to get out of there asap, at this point it was a safety concern, it has honestly been a safety concern this entire time. so I ended up finding a place that’s the same amazing price and great quality in the area that’s still close to my jobs with people who are actually healthy and normal!!! and i moved out a month before I was supposed to because my mom and the rest of my support system agreed that it was not safe for me to stay another month, i didn’t tell them that I was moving early because I knew they would damage my things. It took me 2 days to move, and the night in between me moving, they stole my bike and put it out on the street. and A admitted that she did it out of spite because I moved early. so I stole some things back to get even and I also did not repaint or repair the room like I was supposed to, (i was going to originally before my bike was stolen) but I left her my deposit to cover the repainting etc. i also unfortunately dumped old protein shake on the floor out of pettiness and hatefulness. i am not normally like that but I was FUMING. that was definitely that angriest i have ever been in my life. i ended up paying the rent for the month I wasn’t there. But A still decided to message me on facebook, where I forgot to block her and send me an invoice with a bunch of “damages” to the apartment, demanding that I send her $1700 to get the entire floor replaced, new doors, etc. her numbers were ridiculous, it was a bunch of bullshit and I told her that i wasn’t paying it, to never contact me again, and blocked her. her parents pay her rent, it’s not about the money for her it’s about being a vindictive and entitled bully. plus, i really don’t owe her shit at this point. anyways, i have learned a lot of lessons from all this and am working on acknowledging my part in all of these issues and am going to start going to codependents anonymous to start rebuilding my life. obviously i have a lot to learn and work on within myself, and i was not perfect throughout this, even though my only intentions were to be there for my friends and exist in my own house. honestly i never want to see either of these people again! i hate them both so deeply for making my safe space unsafe, and for everything else they’ve done to me, including making my PTSD incredibly worse. and from now on I am going to leave friendships WHEN ITS TIME instead of dragging it out, and hopefully now I can choose better friends and have stronger boundaries, and in the future when tough situations arise i will be more equipped to respond in better ways. hopefully i never have to go through anything like this again!!

They called us The Middleview Four.
Initially, it was just me and the mayor's son, Noah Prestley. We were the first two members. In the second grade, the two of us hated each other. He pulled my hair during naptime, and I scribbled on his drawings when he wasn't looking. When a dastardly crime hit our class, a milk thief, we reluctantly threw aside our differences and came together to catch the evil doer.
Spoiler alert, it was Jessica S.
After a nap time stakeout when we were supposed to be asleep, Noah and I caught her red handed– literally. Jessica's palms were still stained crimson from arts and crafts. Her plan was fool proof: Wait until we were all sleeping, and then drink all of our milk.
Noah and I were hailed heroes.
Well, no.
We actually got in trouble for not sleeping, but our teacher did quietly thank us for catching Jessica before her evil crimes could continue. After the milk incident, Noah Prestley didn't seem that bad anymore. I didn't have any friends.
Instead of playing with the other kids, I spent the entirety of recess examining the dirt on the playground for unusual footprints. Jessica S had been sternly reprimanded for stealing milk, but I had a feeling there were still criminals out there– and I would be the one to find and catch them. Mr Steven’s, the janitor, looked suspicious before lunch. I saw him crouched behind a dumpster with his head down. I thought he was pooping, until I saw the small bag in his hands.
Hiding behind a wall, I watched him open it up and stare at it for a while, before another teacher yelled his name.
I ran away before he could catch me, but I was sure the janitor had run across the playground. Studying the dirt in front of me, I was sure the footprint belonged to Mr Stevens. I had already checked his shoes. Mr Miller, our teacher, asked me to collect everyone's workbooks from the faculty room. I couldn't resist.
After an incident involving a faculty member trailing in animal poop from outside, all students and teachers had to take off their outdoor shoes and wear indoor ones. The janitor’s outdoor shoes were neatly placed under his desk. Before I could hesitate, I checked the bottom of them, memorising their pattern. Swirls and C’s.
Stabbing at the footprints in the dirt, I idly traced the exact same swirly pattern.
“What are you doing, weirdo?”
Noah Prestley knelt next to me, his curious eyes following my fingers that were digging into the dirt. I wanted to trace the footprints with my fingers. Mom told me to keep my dress clean, but it was already filthy, my cheeks smeared with dirt. I didn't look up from my clue. Noah was a good sidekick, admittedly. But he did eat all the snacks during our stake out– and he got distracted easily.
We were almost caught when he freaked out over a moth. “Investigating crime,” I said, grabbing a stick and tracing the shoe pattern for the hundredth time.
The footprint was too blurry, I could barely see any swirls.
Noah sighed, snatching the stick off of me. “You're doing it wrong,” he grumbled. Before I could speak, the boy jumped up, prodding the dirt with the stick. “You need to look at the patterns on the shoe, and then see if they match.”
“Whose shoe?” I said, coughing over my panicked tone. He was onto me. “That's what I've been doing!”
The boy’s lip curled into a smile. He was the mayor's son, so I was careful around him. Even when we worked together to catch the milk thief, I kept my distance. He folded his arms, giggling. “The janitor’s shoe. I saw you spying on him while he was eating white powder.”
I stepped back. “I wasn't spying.”
Noah followed me, mocking my backing away. Another step, and he was standing on my shoes. “You were too. I saw you hiding behind the wall before recess. You were spying on the janitor.”
Urgh. I stuck out my tongue. Boy cooties.
Leaning away from him, I pulled a face. “No I didn't, and you can't prove it.”
“Yes I caaaaan,” he sang. “I can also prove that you were playing with the janitor’s shoes during class time.”
I dropped the stick, stepping on it.
“You wouldn't.”
He danced back, laughing. “I would!”
Noah patted his jeans pocket where a phone was nestled inside. He was the only kid allowed a phone in class, due to him getting special treatment for being the mayor's son. The boy had two incriminating videos that would get me in trouble— maybe in even more trouble than the milk thief. The first one was a clear shot of me playing with the janitor’s shoes in the teachers lounge, and the second exposed me in perfect detail, on my tiptoes trying to peer behind the wall.
Immediately, I tried to grab the phone off of him, but Noah Prestley had an ulterior motive. “I want to help you,” he said, pocketing his phone. When I could only frown at him in confusion, he lowered himself into the dirt. “Old Man Critter is hiding something,” he murmured, tracing the dirt with his fingers. Noah lifted his head, peering at me through dark brown curls hanging in his eyes. His smile was mischievous– definitely not the type I was used to. The mayor's son was more interesting than I thought. “So, let's find out what it is.”
“Old Man Critter?” I questioned.
Noah shrugged. “He looks like a cockroach.”
The mystery white powder was cocaine.
Obviously.
However, to two seven year olds, this so-called white powder was a mind controlling substance, or maybe even something that could end the world.
After all, per Noah’s detective skills, he saw the woman in public, and she was acting a little strange. Noah and I uncovered our janitor's evil plan, after stalking him for weeks, writing our findings in crayon, and staking out his house when we were supposed to be playing in the park. I became a regular visitor to the Prestley household, and Noah’s father wasn't as bad as I thought.
He gave me cookies when I stayed over.
Look, we were seven years old, so our findings weren't exactly concrete.
But we still managed to uncover the clues leading to catching the janitor. There was a strange woman who met up with him outside the school gates at lunchtime. After some digging, we concluded she was buying the white powder from him. We managed to get a picture. Noah told the principal, presenting the evidence, and the janitor was fired for the possession of foreign substances. Noah and I were also reprimanded (again) for sticking our noses into business which wasn't ours.
The adults tried to tell us the white powder was not bad, and was in fact candy. My parents were called, and Noah’s father did not look happy to be there, sending Noah scary death-glares across the principal's desk.
My mother stood up and apologised for my behavior, blaming my imagination on the cartoons I was watching. In front of my Mom, I brought up the argument that a teacher wouldn't be selling candy to a woman. I received the look in return, but I didn't back down.
She shook her head stubbornly, refusing to believe we were onto something, gently grabbing my hand and pulling me into my seat. I was threatened with zero dessert for a week, and no cartoons, which did shut me up eventually.
There was no way I was missing Saturday morning Adventure Time. The adults seemed to have won this silent battle, and the principal began a speech which was basically, Children tend to have vivid imaginations, but will grow out of it…
That was until a bored looking Noah jumped out of his chair and grabbed the seized baggie of white powder, ripping it open, his mouth curling into a grin. “Well, if it's candy, I can eat it, right?”
Following a loud cacophony of, “No!” from the adults who really thought a seven year old was about to down half a pound of cocaine, and my mother almost fainting, our disgruntled parents finally agreed to take our claims seriously.
The principal searched the janitor’s locker, and sure enough, he pulled out multiple bags of white powder.
Old Man Critter had an audience of kids and faculty when he was being led away. Noah and I stood at the front. I remember him twisting around, teeth clenched in a manic snarl, saliva dripping down his chin. “I'll get you! You little brats! I'll fucking find you!”
That was the day we found our third member.
I opened my mouth to shout back at him, but my mother was quick to shut me up.
May Lee, who was standing between me and Noah, nudged me, and then elbowed him hard enough to get a hiss out of the boy. May was half Korean, a tiny girl with orange pigtails who knocked Johnny Summer’s out during reading time for poking her in the face.
May scared me. She scared Noah too, judging from the fearful look he shot me. I had a vague memory of her pigtails hitting me in the face during recess, and were somehow sharp enough to bruise my eye. May’s gaze trailed our school janitor being violently dragged outside. “Do you two even know how to catch bad guys?”
“Yes.” Noah mumbled under his breath. “Obviously.”
He let out another hiss when she hit him again.
“Ow!” Noah shoved her back. “Your elbows are pointy!”
“Well, you're not very good,” May teased, “I can help you catch bad guys.”
He snorted. “Oh, yeah? What makes you think you can help us?”
May proved herself a few weeks later when we were on our second official case. Who stole Mrs Johnson’s award winning carrots? I turned eight years old on the day May officially became part of our gang. We were supposed to be celebrating my birthday in the park, but of course we had work to do.
Mrs Johnson’s award-winning carrots were still missing, and we were determined to find them. After tracking down the missing vegetables to a seedy house at the end of my block, Noah had stupidly decided to check out the inside for himself, leaving me alone with zero help. This was the first time I felt genuine fear striking through me, the first time I wanted to run and crawl under my bed.
The carrot thief was in fact the crazy old woman who screamed at cheese in the store– the one Mom told me to stay away from. Using my dad’s ancient binoculars and my mediocre lip reading skills, I watched the crazy lady hold Noah hostage in her kitchen, armed with an old World War 2 grenade she swore she would detonate.
It's not like I could follow him, I was in danger of getting caught too. Hiding behind the wall in front of her house, I had a perfect view of her kitchen window, and my friend awkwardly sitting at her table eating cookies. Had he switched sides!? my attention flicked to the chocolate cookie in my friend’s hand, my hands growing clammy around the binoculars. Could those cookies be forcing Noah to join the side of evil?
When Noah pointed toward the window, right at me, I ducked, slamming my hand over my mouth, stifling a cry.
I was so close to proving my Mom right, that I was putting myself in danger with this investigative hobby, and calling for her help, when no other than May Lee stepped out of the crazy old woman's house, hand in hand with an embarrassed looking Noah. Immediately, I hugged him. Then I hit him.
“Why did you sell me out, stupid head?!” I yelled. “What did she do to you?”
The boy blinked at me through thick brown hair. “She gave me a cookie.”
“What? But it could be controlling you!”
Noah pushed me away when I tried to check his ears for mind control devices. “Stop hitting me, I was telling her I had a friend waiting for me outside,” he grumbled. The boy refused to look at his rescuer, hiding under his hood. “She wanted the carrots to feed her bunny.”
A proud looking May held up the stolen carrots with a grin. “I snuck in the back window.” she shoved Noah with a giggle, “Sorry, what did you say about not needing me, Mr Know It All?”
Noah groaned, his gaze glued to the ground. Noah Prestley was stubborn. “She was like a thousand years old and was feeding her bunny when you attacked her. She didn't even tie me up, and besides,” he stuck out his tongue. “I didn't even need rescuing. She made me cookies and I got to hold Sir Shrooms.”
“Sir Shrooms?”
Noah giggled. “Her bunny.”
May folded her arms. “Say thank you, dumb butt.”
“I already said thank you!” Noah’s cheeks were burning bright. “You need to clean your ears!”
“No you didn't, I would have heard you.”
“Thank you.” Noah muttered under his breath.
The girl snickered. “What did you say, Noah?”
“I said thank you!” The boy ducked his head and I couldn't resist a giggle. He still refused to acknowledge being rescued by a girl. “You're still stupid.”
Despite Noah making it clear he did not want another member joining our secret gang, we welcomed May into our group with our ritual, which was a chocolate cupcake and pushing her into the town lake. (I did the same to Noah, and the tradition kind of stuck). May wasn't just valuable to us for her fighting skills.
She could talk her way out of a situation too. Noah and I got stuck in the principal's private bathroom investigating a small case of a stolen phone from a classmate. Our prime suspect was the principal himself, who had been the last person with it. I was convinced he'd stuffed the phone in his bathroom trash, after accidentally breaking it. We found numbers for phone repairs on his laptop.
Noah and I were searching the trash when he came back from lunch early. If May wasn't there to interrogate him on his favorite video games, we would have been caught.
That year, we were rewarded a special Junior police award at the Christmas parade for solving the mystery behind the disappearing holiday decorations (a teenage girl, who wanted to ruin Christmas for everyone). I still remember Mom’s scowl in the crowd.
She really did not like my obsession with finding and bringing Middleview criminals to justice.
Starting fourth grade, we became a trio of wannabe detectives, and even earned a name for ourselves. The Middleview Three. Mom tried to keep me inside, but by the age of ten, we were getting tip offs from the sheriff's daughter. We found missing cats, tracked down stolen vegetables, and even found a baby.
When our names started to appear in the local gazette, Mom grounded me for two weeks, and Noah’s father threatened to send him to private school.
May’s mother was strangely supportive, often providing snacks for stake outs, and when Noah cut his knee chasing a run-away dog, stitching him back up, and not telling our parents. We were on our fifth or sixth case when a new kid joined our class halfway through the year.
I wasn't concentrating, already planning out our stakeout in my notebook. It was our first serious case. All of the third grade had gotten food poisoning the previous day, and I was already suspicious of the new lunch lady.
I swore she spat in my lunch, and May came down with the stomach flu after eating slimy looking hamburger helper.
The new kid didn't get my attention until he ignored our teacher’s prompt to tell us three interesting facts about himself, and proudly introduced himself as the fourth member of the Middleview Four.
Noah, who was sitting behind me, kicked my seat, and May threw her workbook at me. They had a habit of resorting to violence when I was daydreaming.
Lifting my head, I blinked at a private school kid standing in front of the class with far too much confidence, a grin stretched across his mouth. Rich, judging by his actual school uniform and the tinge of a British accent. The kid had dark blonde hair and freckles. “My name is Aris Caine,” he announced loudly, “And I want to join The Middleview Four.”
“Middleview Three.” Noah corrected with a scoff, when fifteen pairs of eyes turned to us. I turned in my chair to shoot him a warning look. His death glare was typical. “We don't need anyone else,” he said through a pencil lodged between his teeth. The Mayor’s son had grown fiercely protective of our little gang.
I could already sense his irritation that some random kid was trying to join us.
Our confused teacher ushered the new kid to a seat, but he kept talking. “I was the smartest student in my old school,” Aris folded his arms. “I want to help you with your current case.” the boy cocked his head when I feigned a confused expression. “The food poisoning case?”
He nodded at my notebook. “I'm not stupid, I know you're already working on it.” Aris strolled over to Noah’s desk and pulled out the boy’s notes from under his workbooks. Noah had been studying the footage we salvaged from the faculty lounge. “You're looking at the wrong piece of footage,” he announced. “If you let me join, I'll lead you to the culprit.” he stabbed at Noah’s notes. “Not bad. But you're missing something.”
Noah leaned back on his chair. “Like what, new kid?”
Aris knew he had an audience of intrigued eyes. I think that thrilled him.
“You've been searching in the place most likely to have clues,” he murmured, “Which is the scene of the crime.”
Aris was right.
We were going crazy trying to find anything incriminating in the cafeteria– but all we had found was old custard and a scary amount of recycled pasta. Aris prodded at Noah’s notes again. “Why not look in the place least likely to hold a clue? You might be surprised.”
Something in Noah’s expression lit up, his eyes widening. “The teachers lounge,” he said, just as the thought crossed my mind, May audibly gasping.
“Mr Caine,” Mrs Jacobs was red faced. She had already seized several of our phones, and some earphones Noah had been using to listen to a potential culprit on a missing cat case. “Please take your seat and stop talking about things that do not concern children.”
She put way too much emphasis on the latter word.
I felt like telling her we were ten years old, not six. But that counted as talking back– and my Mom would be informed. So, I kept my mouth shut.
Noah, however, suffered from the doesn't think before he speaks disease.
“Well, maybe if the cops actually did their jobs,” he spoke up, “a group of children wouldn't have to help them.”
“Mr Prestley–”
“You know I'm right, Mrs Jacobs,” he said, with that innocent and yet mocking tone. “We put our old janitor in jail when we were in the second grade,” he laughed, and the rest of the class joined in. “It's not our fault the sheriff is totally incompetitant at his job.”
The laughs grew louder, but this time the class were laughing at him, not with him.
Mrs Jacobs pursed her lips, her hands going to her hips. “I believe the word you are trying to say is incompetent, which makes sense because you are failing at basic English. Perhaps if you focus on actual school work and not your juvenile Scooby Doo fantasies, you might be able to speak basic words.” the teacher’s eyes were far too bright to be mocking a ten year old.
Twisting around in my chair, Noah’s gaze was burning into his desk. The teacher’s attention turned to Aris, who was frowning at Noah. Not with sympathy or pity. No, he was disappointed that a member of the famous Middleview Three, who were known to go against adults, had backed down to a teacher with no snarky remark.
“Aris Caine.” Mrs Jacobs raised her voice. “Sit down.”
Aris slumped into his seat and pretended to zip his lips, before leaning over my desk and dropping a memory drive into my pencil case. “Here is the real footage,” he murmured, shooting Noah a grin. “Thank me later.”
“We’re not going to thank you, because we don't know you,” Noah spat back.
However, the footage the new kid provided was just what we needed, the puzzle piece that put everything together. We were right. The new lunch lady had rushed into the office before lunch time, grabbed a vial of something from her bag, and disappeared back through the door. We had been too busy studying the camera footage from the kitchen, to realise our clue was in fact inside the teachers lounge.
When the four of us stepped into our principals office, he regarded us with a scowl. I wasn't a stranger to his office. I had even picked my own seat, the fluffy beanbag near the door. The Middleview Three were in his office every week.
Usually for breaking into classrooms and the time Noah tried to jump into the vent because he saw it on TV. Principal Maine was drinking something that definitely wasn't coffee or water. His desk was an avalanche of paper, and I swore I could already see steam coming out of his ears.
“You three.” The man leaned forward, raising his brow at Aris, who looked way too comfortable at a school he had just joined. “And you've dragged the new kid into your antics! I can't say I'm surprised when I've been on the phone with four separate reporters who want details on this Middleview Three garbage.”
Noah’s eyes lit up. “Wait, really? What did you tell them?”
Principal Maine’s eyebrows twitched. “I told them the truth,” he leaned back in his chair. This guy had some serious stress-lines. “You are three stubborn children with zero respect for authority, who have broken multiple rules and are very close to acquiring criminal records before reaching the age of eleven. Which, might I say, is a first! The youngest person in this town to get a criminal record was Ellie Daley, back in the 80’s. She was thirteen years old.”
“We haven't broken any rules,” May said, “We’ve been catching bad people.”
The man’s lip curled. “We have a full force of officers whose jobs are to find bad people,” he said. “Middleview does not need the protection of three children who are barely old enough to know right from wrong,” his eyes found Noah. He was always the punching bag for our teachers, and I never understood why.
Like there was this on-going joke between the adults to point fun at him.
“Or left from right for that matter! Mr Prestley has demonstrated that several times. Which is why you are in school, why you three should be learning, instead of playing Sherlock Holmes.”
He shook his head. “Get on with it. Why are you here this time?”
I hated our principal’s condescending tone. He was angry. But I didn't think he'd be this angry. “Go on!” he urged us. “What did you solve this time?”
Principal Maine inclined his head. “Let me guess,” he said. “You've found the Zodiac killer. Well, that's quite the achievement.”
Noah opened his mouth to speak, and the man’s expression darkened. “Choose your next words very carefully, Mr Prestley. Your father may be able to cover up your detective games but I will happily lose my job over suspending you from this school.”
Noah’s eyes widened. “But that's not–”
“One more word.” Maine said, emphasising his threat by picking up his phone, like he was about to make important phone calls. My mom did that too when I refused to shower, or didn't eat my broccoli. “Do not test me.”
The new kid surprised us by stepping forward, the flash drive clutched in his fist.
“It wasn't them, Principal Maine, it was me.” he placed the evidence on the desk. Aris was a good actor. He was playing the innocent kid pretty well, I almost believed him. Until he winked at us. “I went to the Middleview– I mean, to these three because I didn't want to come and see you alone because I'm scared she'll poison me too.” Aris dramatised a sob, and in the corner of my eye, Noah’s eyes rolled to the back of his head.
May, however, was entranced, her eyes wide. The performance was award worthy. The shaking hands, the slight stutter in his words that was subtle enough to be noticeable– but not enough to be faking it.
Aris Caine was already our fourth member, and all of us knew it.
Principal Maine took the flash drive, a frown creasing his expression. He inserted it into his laptop, and just from studying his expression as he watched the footage, widening eyes and slightly parted lips that were definitely stifling bad words— I knew we had him. Aris made sure to give a commentary, which wasn't necessary, but I did enjoy the look on our principal’s shell-shocked face.
“That's the new lunch lady,” Aris pointed out. He started to lean over to prod the screen, but seeing the visible veins pulsing in our principal's forehead, the three of us dragged him back. Aris stumbled, and we tightened our grip.
I was already smiling, and even Noah was trying to hide a grin. This kid was definitely a member of the Middleview Three. “I haven't met her. But as you can see, she is putting something into the third grader’s food.”
“Poison,” May nodded. “Or, according to the police report–”
Maine went deathly pale.
“Salmon Ella.” Noah finished with a smirk.
The man didn't react.
But he did shut his laptop and excuse himself, immediately calling the cops.
I was grounded again after the food poisoning case. Worse still, I got sick for two weeks and was bedridden, so I missed out on two cases involving stolen birthday decorations. Noah was insistent that the new kid was not joining us. I received a multitude of texts cramming up my Mom’s notifications. She ended up muting him.
Hes NOT joynjng
I don't cre now smart he is I don't like him and Im teknicly the first member
May is being stoopid we can talk when your better get well soon OK???
Two weeks later, I stepped into class, and Noah had taken the seat next to Aris, the two of them enveloped in the mountain of pokémon cars on Aris’s desk. May was trying to play, but apparently she needed Pokémon cards to join. When I questioned them, Noah looked up with a grin. “Aris is cool now!”
His announcement stapled our fourth member.
Entering teenagehood made me realise Middleview was not a good town–and its people had masks. Even the ones I thought I knew. At twelve years old, we hunted down a child killer, a sadistic man who turned his victims into angels.
It didn't take us long to realise the people we put away as little kids wanted revenge. And in their heads we were old enough to receive proper punishment. Mom told me we would regret our so-called fame as the town's junior detectives, and I thought she was wrong.
I had spent my childhood chasing bad guys, so I was sure I could catch the real bad ones too. I was fourteen when we ran into our first real criminal who specifically wanted us. Danny Budge was the reason why Noah started going to therapy at fourteen, and why Aris refused to go near the edge of town.
May had taken time off to go see her family abroad, and I was put under house arrest. Seven year old Maisie Eaton had disappeared from her yard, and after searching for her for two nights, alongside the police who had learned to tolerate us working with them, we found her tied up inside an old barn.
Sitting cross legged on a pile of hay, was Maisie.
Awake. I could see her eyes were wide.
But she wasn't moving or struggling, it didn't make sense to me.
“Wait,” I nudged May. “She's not moving.”
Aris rushed forward to untie the little girl, only to trip on a wire, which was connected to a Final Destination style contraption. Aris lifted his head, pointing above him. One more step, and he would have sent a sharpened spear directly through the little girl’s head.
“Fuck!” Aris hissed, already freaking out. He was frozen. “What do I do?!”
“Stay calm,” Noah said from my side, the rest of us hiding behind an old car. The mayor's son had become our unofficial leader. Ever since hitting puberty, he was now our brawn alongside May. Noah jumped forward, watching for trip wires. “I'll save the kid. May! You help Aris.” before I could get a word in, he was dragging me to my feet. “Marin, you're with me.”
I nodded, stumbling in the dark, keeping my flashlight beam on the ground.
“You know what this means, don't you?” Noah said in heavy breaths, his fingers wrapped around my arm. “Maisie was innocent. There was no motive. She was just a distraction.” Noah let out a hiss. “Or even a lure.”
I did. But I didn't want to say it out loud, because then my Mom would be right, and I was admitting that there were multiple people trying to kill us.
Luckily, we saved Maisie. Her kidnapper, Danny Budge turned himself in with no word or explanation.
Later, we would find out he was related to our elementary school janitor.
The little girl was taken back to her mother, and the four of us stayed behind, peering up at the murder contraption specifically made to butcher us. Aris nudged me, and I almost jumped out of my skin. “You should probably keep this… quiet,” he said in a breath, his gaze glued to the long rope expertly tied to the ceiling.
“From your mother,” May added softly. She squeezed my hand. “Your Mom will kill us before they do.”
“We’re going to fucking die,” Noah said in a sing-song. “And I'm not even sixteen.”
He was right.
One year later, our most gruesome and horrific case hit us like a wave of ice water, and I admitted we were just four kids completely out of our depth.
Three townspeople had been found murdered in piles of bloody string.
The photos from the scene made me sick, and I was still recovering from our old janitor’s measly attempt at punishing us for ruining his life. We were stupidly blindsided by the string murders, and thought we were following a clue. The next thing I knew, I was tied up back to back with Aris in my old janitor’s basement while he caressed my cheek with a knife. “Am I supposed to be here?” Aris whispered, struggling in his restraints. “Did he just call me Noah?”
I knocked my head against his. “Don't tell him that! Idiot. What if he kills you?”
Funnily enough, Aris was right. Old Man Critter had mistaken Aris for Noah. The two of them were sandy blonde and reddish brown, one built like a brick wall while the other more wiry. However, to an old man with debilitating sight, I guess I could see it. Maybe if I squinted. So, after an hour or two of empty threats and knife play, Noah and May came to our rescue, tailed by the police, and… my mother.
I think I would have rather been tied up with Old Man Critter than face her wrath.
I was supposed to be at the library studying.
I shot Noah a death glare, and he offered a pitiful, almost puppy-like frown: Sorry! he mouthed. She made us tell her!.
Fast forward to when the others really needed me to investigate the string murders, and I was stuck inside.
Mom had gone as far as taping up my windows to make sure I didn't sneak out. I think me being kind of kidnapped, but not really by Old Man Critter, really set her into panic mode. I did tell her that he didn't hurt us at all, and just wanted to scare us. But Mom was past angry. She was impossible to talk to. May texted me halfway into a horror movie I was forcing myself to watch that another body had been found. Turning on the local news, she was right. This time it was a kid.
May told me to get my ass out of the house.
I knew where Mom hid the door keys, so at midnight when I knew she was sleeping, I snuck out and rode my bike to the rendezvous we had agreed to meet.
May was already there, a flashlight in her mouth, fingers wrapped around her handlebars.
“The boys?” I whispered, joining her.
“They're already there,” she said through a mouthful of flashlight. “Let's go!”
Aris was 99.9% sure we would find a clue inside the old string factory, so that's where we headed. Noah and Aris were already waiting outside, armed with flashlights. The two of them were quieter than normal. They didn't greet me or tease my absence from the gang.
“Okay, so here's what we're going to do,” Noah announced. His voice swam in and out of my mind when I tipped my head back, drinking in the foreboding building in front of us. A shiver crept its way down my spine, and suddenly I felt sick to my stomach, like something had come apart in my mind. I stumbled back, but something pulled me forwards, my mouth filling with phantom bugs skittering on my tongue.
I really didn't want to go in there…
I could sense my body was moving, but I wasn't the one in control. Looking up, there was something there at the corner of my eye. It was above me and around me, everywhere, sliced in between everything. But I couldn't look.
I couldn't look.
I wasn't allowed to look.
“Marin?” Noah twisted around to me, and his face caught in the dull light of the moon. “Hey, are you coming?”
Blinking rapidly, I nodded, despite seeing it with Noah too.
I couldn't look.
I wasn't allowed.
“Dude, are you good?”
My vision was blurring, and a scream was clawing its way up my throat. I took a step back, my eyes following his every movement. “Noah.” I didn't realise his name was slipping from my lips, a rooted fear I didn't understand setting my body into fight or flight.
Why…
I choked back tears. Why do you look… like that?
I held out my own hands, hot tears filling my eyes.
I looked up into the sky, at criss-crosses that didn't make sense.
“Yeah, I'm coming!” my mouth moved for me, and I joined the others, pushing open the large wooden door. I didn't remember anything past the old wooden door we pushed through. Going back to that memory over and over again, all I remembered was pushing the door.
I was found three hours later, inconsolable, screaming on the side of the road, my fingers entangled with…string. It was everywhere. Mom said I blocked out a lot, but I strictly remember blood slicked string covering me, damp in my hands and tangled in my hair.
There was no sign of the others.
Mom put me into the back of her car, and I slept for a while. My mother drove us far away from Middleview. I asked about my friends, but Mom told me they weren't real, that Middleview was a fantasy I had dreamed up as a child. She told me I was in a traumatising incident as a child, and mixed up reality and fiction.
Cartoons and my own life.
But they were real.
No amount of private therapists spewing the same shit could erase my whole life. I was strictly told that I had a head injury, that I imagined The Middleview Four like my own personal fantasy. I didn't start believing it until I grew into an adult and was prescribed some pretty strong meds, so I began to wonder if they were in fact delusions.
Mom’s job was a mystery I couldn't solve, even as a twenty three year old.
So, I followed her one night, hopping into my car when she left our driveway.
Her job was behind a ten foot wall surrounded by barriers.
Security guards were checking a car in, so I took my chance, and slipped through on-foot. What I saw behind the barrier was Middleview. The town I thought I hallucinated. I was immediately blinded by flood lights illuminating the diner from my childhood. Middleview. I took a shaky step forward, my stomach twisting.
It was a TV set.
No, more of a stage.
Inside, bathed in the pretty colours I remembered from my childhood, were my friends sitting in our usual booth, frozen at fifteen years old. The Middleview Four, minus me, were exactly the same as when I left them.
They were even wearing the same clothes.
May. Her orange pigtails bobbed along with her head. Aris was hunched over like usual, picking at his fries and dipping them in his shake. Except how could I take any of this seriously when they were surrounded by cameras?
Noah slammed his hands down on the table with a triumphant grin. “We are so close to cracking this case!”
I noticed his lips weren't moving with his voice.
I started toward them slowly, even when the truth dangled above me, below me, everywhere. I stepped over it, blew it out of my face, reaching shaky hands forward to pull them aside.
Aris laughed, and something moved above him.
“We were kidnapped last week. We are not close. You're just painfully optimistic.”
May nudged him, giggling. “Let him have this. He thinks he's our leader.”
Noah punched the air, and there it was again. Movement. “I am our leader!”
Closer.
I found myself inches away from my best friend, and my blood ran so cold, so painful, poison in my veins. Noah stood up, and I could see the reality of him in front of me. The reality of want I wasn't allowed to see. His head wobbled slightly when he smiled, mouth opening and closing in jerking motions. If I looked closer, his lips had been split apart to perfectly replicate a smile. I forced myself to take all of him in. All of Aris, and May.
The back of Noah had been hollowed out, a startling red cavern where his spine was supposed to be, where flesh and bone was supposed to be. Now, I just saw… strings. Looking closer, I could finally see them. Strings tangled around his arms, his legs, puppeteering his every move as he danced from string to string.
I grabbed Noah’s hand, and it was ice cold, slimy flesh that was long dead. He didn't move, but his eyes somehow found me. Noah’s expression flickered with recognition, before his strings were tugged violently, and he screamed, his eyes going wide, lips twisting.
“Marin?” His artificial eyes blinked, and he slowly moved his head.
“You… left… us.”
Noah’s lips curled, a deep throated whine escaping his throat. “You… left us!”
He twisted around, his lip wobbling.
“Why?!” his frightened eyes flicked from me to his own hands. All those inside jokes our teachers had, I thought dizzily. Was this what it was for? Was Noah Prestley nothing but comedic relief?
“Why… am I… cold?” Noah mumbled.
“Cut!” someone yelled.
I staggered back, words tangled in my throat. Noah opened his mouth, but he was pulled back, this time violently, his strings above jerking, tangling together.
“Allison!” a man shouted from behind me. “Why is your daughter on the stage? Get her out of here!”
I was paralysed, still staring at the hollowed out puppet who had been my best friend, when my mother’s arms wrapped around me so tight, I lost the ability to breathe. I was still staring at the strings cross crossed above me, Noah’s strings pulling him back. Aris’s strings forcing him to laugh. May’s strings bobbing her head in a nodding gesture.
“Marin,” Mom whispered into my back. “You cannot be here.”
“They're here,” was all I managed to whisper.
Her sobs shook against me. I didn't realise my mother was crying until I felt her tears wet on my shoulder. The words were entangled on my tongue, but just like the string above me, they were knotted and contorted. They were here. All this time they were here, and you made me think I was crazy?!
What did you do to them?
What did you DO?
“No, sweetie. No, they're not.” Mom’s voice was breaking, her grip tightening around me. The world was spinning and I was barely aware of myself kicking and screaming while my Mom struggled to shout over me. “I was going to expose them to the world,” she hissed out, dragging me away from Noah– away from his jerking, puppet-like mouth.
I couldn't comprehend that he existed as that, as a conscious thing that had been carved of its insides. “You were the property of an evil and very powerful little girl who owns this town and everyone in it,” my Mom spat in my ear.
“They made me keep my mouth shut, so I begged them to save one of you. Just one. I had to cut one of you down before I went crazy.”
I was still screaming when she calmly dragged me to my car, slipping a shot into the flesh of my neck. I remember the rain pounding against the window, my mother’s pale face shining with tears, her stifled sobs into the wheel.
“And I chose you.”
I woke up the next morning with what was supposed to be a wiped memory.
But I wasn't lucky enough to forget.
I am terrified of her finding out I remember her exact words from the car-ride home. I'm scared she (or her work) will make me forget them for real.
Mom told me that I once had strings too.
Strings that cut through me, cruelly entangling around me, suffocating my mind and controlling my every move. Strings that would soon pierce through me and turn me into a little girl’s doll.
But she saved me, cutting me down, when I was still human.
And now I guess I am a real girl.

I've been slacking on my getting ripped journey and went from 180 to 196 after dropping down from 285 a while back. A big reason is that I've been getting hella validation on my body from my partners that it made me complacent and even lose my own internal motivation that I had before.
At this point though, there's three things I have to remember. I want to live a long and healthy life, I want to be active and consistently fit in the same clothes, and I don't want to frivolously spend money on food.
So today, despite MADLY craving a chicken platter, I ate three apples like a champ and now I'm relatively full. Moving forward, I'll be aiming to mostly only eat fruits and vegetables, and chicken, with the occasional breads here or there, my supplements, and then water and MAYBE some fresca here or diet coke here or there (which is unhealthy af but I'll be weaning off of that too soon again).
Enough is enough.

Part Two
Apollo entered interspace and saw Aquas and Nash at the door. “Are you ready to lose, Aquas?” Helios gloated. “Your arrogance will be your downfall, Helios. I fight for a cause greater than personal glory. You are an obstacle in its way.” Aquas nobly retorted. The two brawlers entered the arena. It was a swampy marsh and fans were screaming wildly. “If you haven’t noticed, my beasts prefer the scenery. Well fight 3v3. Since I challenged, I’ll start us.” He said as he took his blazer off. His chains gleamed in the sunlight. He put an ornate Aquos gauntlet on his wrist. The crowd screamed Nash’s name. Apollo was in a red sleeveless shirt, he wore black jeans with white red and black Jordan 1s and a belt with his clips on. He tapped his glasses and the mask formed around his face. The entire crowd was screaming their names. “Head on, Helios.” Apollo said. “Time to slay this Dragon, Nash.” Aquas said.
“Welcome, Sir. Synchronizing Battle Data. Battle ready, Good Luck.” His AI said to him.
“Bakugan fieeeeeeld Open!” The announcer said
“Gauntlet Power Strike!” The two brawlers each had their Gauntlets glow blue and purple.
“I’ll start!” Nash said “Gate Card Set! Bakugan Brawl! Bakugan Stand! Go Aquos Krakenoid!” Krakenoid rose from the depths and roared. “Bakugan Brawl! Bakugan Stand! Go Pyrus Plitheon!” “Time for a fish fry!” He cackled “Ability Activate! Stash Raider! I now choose seven cards from Krakenoids ability pool to remove from the match. He removed Hydro Tyrant, Abyss Blade, Abyss Rising, Marine Mauler, Tidal Barrier, Screw Serpent, and Tentacular Destroyer Nash laughed as his Gauntlet, a peculiar but extremely ornate take on a Vestal Bakumeter, shined blue. “Ability Activate, Deep Charger! Your Plitheon can’t do stuff like that anymore!” Krakenoids tentacles wrapped around Plitheon and he siphoned his power with blue electricity. “Double Ability Activate! Fly Destroyer plus Fly Blazer!” Plitheon flew at Krakenoid in a flaming tornado and slashed him with his claws, burning him to 500 Gs. “Take that, Squidward!” He cackled. Apollo formed Nukix Gear. “Oh yeah, it’s time. I haven’t worn one of these in forever!” “Ready, Nukix.” His Gauntlet Said “Battle Gear Boost!” Plitheons wingspan doubled in size and four smaller wings formed on top of Nukix main wings as a tower of weapons, each side had missiles and laser guns. “Oh yeah! Sushi time!” He cackled at Krakenoid “Ability Activate! Blitz scoundrel! I can shatter your Gate Card, giving Plitheon a power level with one of my own!” “Give me that, HAH!” Plitheon formed a blazing chain as he threw it into the Gate Card, and slid one of Apollos in. “Re Rigged boss!” “Now Gate Card Open! Pyrus Reactor… My Gate Card!” “So hasty! Consecutive Ability activate! Metal Ripper plus Shark Drake Veiss Plus Wise Deluge Plus Hydro Cannon!” Krakenoid roared with energy and grew double his original size. He let a wave of Aquos light ripple from his body and Plitheon couldn’t respond to abilities. His body became slowly covered in metal as he ripped Nukix from Plitheons body. Then Krakenoid pulsed with energy as he formed a gigantic water ball of energy and fired a torrent of water surrounding a blast of white lance of energy in the similar shape of a stingray at Plitheon, shattering the Gate Card. Neither Brawler had one, and now both players life gauges had 75%. Both Plitheon and Krakenoid were at a power level of two. Plitheon got up, with only 20 Gs remaining. “Boss, I need help.” He pleaded. “Ability Activate! Cunning Inferno!” Plitheon smiled and his eyes turned to flames, he then charged a huge fireball in his chest Diamond and released the energy, Giving Apollo a three turn stall. Krakenoid roared in disapproval and Nash was sarcastically chuckling “You’re stalling, Sayer. You’re actually stalling I must have you on the ropes, heh.” Nash formed Jamsaber on his Gauntlet. “Bakunano Jamsaber! Destroy!” Krakenoids Bakunano appeared and he slashed Plitheon, who now had no Gear, with its shuriken blades. The three turns limit slashed Plitheon each turn to 5 Gs “Now finish him Krakenoid!! Fusion Ability Activate! Shark Drake Leviathan!” Krakenoid quadruples in size and exploded in Aquos power, he was the size of a Skyscraper, as he roared and filled the entire arena with water, electrifying it with powerful energy, and engulfing Plitheon in a gigantic tsunami. His Bakunano and half metal body from metal ripper pulsed with rings of red chaotic Aquos energy as Krakenoid roared in triumph, it was so loud it sounded like a volcano was erupting. Plitheon returned to Ball form, Apollos life gauge went down to 25% and the crowd chanted Nash’s name. Plitheon was steaming. “Boss, im taking a long nap. I got washed..” he said as he returned to ball form “Not so tough, are you now!” He scoffed. Apollo was down, Nash’s lead was extremely large. “We’ll see, fool!” He said “Im done playing! Gate Card set! Bakugan Br…SHIT!” He reached for Pyrus Reptak, but he wasn’t there. Apollo had Twenty Five percent on his life gauge and only Helios left. Nash had all three Bakugan. “Hah! You’re actually missing a Bakugan! I thought this would be challenging!” He sneered. “You have seen nothing yet, Nash. Bakugan BRAWL! Bakugan Stand! End this! Pyrus Infinity Helios!” Helios roared in triumph “You will Burn!” Nash was just as angered “I’ve seen enough, rookie!! Bakugan Brawl Bakugan Stand! Come forth Aquos Krakenoid!” Krakenoid roared, sitting at a power level of two. “Ability Activate! Clamor Quasar!” Helios charged a blast of bolting red energy and shot it at Krakenoid, Burning him for 500 Gs. “There’s the fire! Wise Torrent! I choose to bring in another Aquos Bakugan! Come forth Aquos Frosch!” Krakenoid wriggled his arms and the field turns into water, he dragged The Legendary Aquos soldier Frosch out of the depths and onto the field. Frosch croaked with recognition. “Two on one, what happened to playing fair, hah? Helios! Bolting Breaker plus Battle Warrior!” Apollo pointed at Frosch and Krakenoid. “Time to fry! Aquos foolsl Helios roared and gained 400 gs, then formed a red ball of burning energy and electrocuted each of his opponents. “If you think fighting a legendary soldier will be easy, you’re sorely mistaken! Now Frosch! Consecutive Ability! Swap Frog Plus Neptune Stream plus Elemental Ocean!” Nash was now visibly pressured. The arena then pulsed with water and both players stood on top of a raging ocean. Frosch croaked loudly and Plitheon flew out of Apollos used pile. Froschs G-Power then changed to Plitheons base. “Swap frog allows Frosch to change Gs with a defeated Bakugan:Your Plitheon!” Frosch then opened his mouth and clapped his webbed hands, shooting a gigantic stream of water at Helios. “Reinforce Krakenoid! Dwellers Gaze!” Krakenoid roared in recognition and stared onto the Gate Card, pyrus reactor was forced open and all Bakugan got the same G Bonus. “Now Helios! We can end him!” Helios growled “With Pleasure!”. “You fell into my trap! Strontium Railstar!” Apollo laughed with determination as Helios charged a blast of energy and fired a white hot, straight red laser blast through Krakenoid and into the card. “He just shattered his own Gate Card!” Aquas was confused, but Krakenoid wailed in agony and returned to ball form and Nash’s life gauge went down 25 Percent. “Not only did I just shatter my own Gate Card, but your Krakenoid is now removed from the battle, and we can take Frosch easier! Counter Helios! Darkflare Alloy Plus Deep Fire-Block A!” A purple and red field of energy surrounded Helios as he changed to dual type Pyrus and Darkus, then he spun his back turbine and a constant volley of red and purple energy bullets rained down on the Legendary Soldier. “Deep Fire Block A will also take 300 Gs from Frosch each turn!” Apollo chuckled. “You should be eating your words Neathian! Because we both know that’s what you are!” Helios gloated at Nash. “Well Save proper introductions for later! Double Ability Activate! Dark Growth and Aquos Cyclone!” Frosch croaked and changed to dual type Darkus/Aquos and then the clear watery field turned into a gigantic whirlpool. “Hold on Helios!” Apollo yelled trying to weather the hurricane. “Ability Activate! Ghost Quasar!” Helios formed a spinning white ball of fire that crackled with red lightning and shot it at Frosch. “Choke on this, overrated Frog!” Helios cackled at Frosch as the legendary warrior returned to Ball form, the two brawlers were now at even life gauges. “We’re even now, those words taste any different?” Apollo laughed at Nash. “If you think that’s all I had to offer, you’re stupider than I ever expected.” Nash chuckled as he threw Saint Aquas into the air. “Ready Aquas?” Nash said. “For the ark, partner!” Nash threw his Gate Card “Gate Card Set! Bakugan Brawl!” Saint Aquas rolled onto the card and opened, his wings hadn’t opened yet, signifying some kind of form change. “Bakugan Stand! Come forth, Defender of the Ark! AQUOS SAINT AQUAS!” A dragon with shielded wings and brilliant, shining sapphire scales that reflected sunlight off of them appeared onto the field. “I will defend the Honor of the Kastle Legacy until my last breath!” He roared in triumph, standing at 1000 Gs. “Bakugan Brawl! Bakugan Stand! Finish him Pyrus Infinity Helios!” Helios was standing at a Power Level of 3. “No rain could douse the flames that burn within me!” He roared. “You will find this soon enough, Aquas!” Helios was filled with rage. “Let’s test that, brigand!” Aquas growled. “Aquas!Ability Activate! Deep Beyond!” Nash said as the field turned back into an ocean of blue water. “Only Cowards Stall, Nash!” Helios roared with anger. “You’re on the ropes now, clown! Frenzy Blaster Plus Battle Warrior!” Apollo was also visibly annoyed at the one turn stall. Helios fired a flurry of Pyrus shots from his turbine and then roared as he released a shockwave of flames all over the field. “Counter Aquas! Virtue Stream!” Aquas roared and charged a rainbow energy blast, one eerily similar to the perfect core, and fired a torrent of rainbow energized water at Helios. “Double ability activate! Burner Visor plus Precipice Blades!” Helios charged a high intensity X shaped vortex of fire and released it in an explosion, nullifying Aquas’ ability. He then extended two red energized blades and slashed aquas twice for Krakenoid and Frosch. “Take that!” He roared. “You spoke too soon, Helios! Consecutive Ability Activate! Aqua Reverse, plus Barian Bolster, Plus Crystal Stream, Plus Delta Blue” Nash commanded. Aquas roared as his eyes and symbol on his chest, which is the same Symbol on Nash’s pendant, glowed red as he fired a shining shot of Crystal energy and knocked Helios to the floor and he reversed the effects of Precipice Blades.” Aquas roared as the fans yelled: “Nash! Nash! Nash!”. “Ready Bombaplode.” Apollos gauntlet formed Bombaplode and he threw it into battle. “Bakunano Bombaplode, Destroy!” Helios gained his back blasters, but didn’t get a bonus. “You’re wondering where your boost is? Delta blue took it from you! Meaning your bombaplode starts at zero Gs!” Nash laughed, but Apollo was done playing. “You’re really getting on my nerves now! Consecutive Ability Activate! Infinity Heliopause, Plus Solaris Cannon, Plus Warfire!” Helios let a threatening roar out and an energized pyrus shockwave shook the arena. Nash’s consecutive ability was deleted. “What!!” He said, enraged. “You underestimate the power of Helios! Destroy him! Warfire plus Solaris Cannon!” He then blew a gigantic blast of fire at Aquas, halving his g power and preventing him from countering. Then, Helios chest cannon opened and he charged a huge artificial sun-shaped ball of Pyrus energy and fired it into the air, scorching Aquas. “Choke on this, Aquas!” He was now at 8000 Gs. But Apollo looked at him with a crazed look. “Now! Vexos Infinity! I take your Krakenoid as my own and activate his Fusion Ability to DOUBLE Helios G Power: Abyss Megalo!” Helios roared and the water turned into scalding hot lava as he burned Aquas and drew him closer into a Lava vortex, now at a ridiculous . “Four New Ability Cards Unlocked. Power level over 10,000” his mask said as four new cards appeared in his deck. “Neathian, Legendary Warrior or not, I will destroy all who stand in my way! Including you, Aquas!” He roared as he burned him down past zero. Helios was roaring with victory as Aquas was at certain defeat. But then the smoke cleared. Aquas’ eyes glowed rainbow, and Nash suddenly threw him back into the battle. “Reincarnation! Unveil Mail, Come Forth Saint Aquas!” The crowd roared. But Nash was now no longer human. The ability card he had activated had revealed his Neathian form, and he did not even look neathian. He was purple skinned, adorned with gold and a red cape, his sigil was on his chest. “You are a beast filled with hatred! An agent of chaos and evil! That is why your brawler wears his mask, because it lives in the both of you! I am noble and true and I fight for the prime of life!” Aquas roared, standing at Double his base power. “He resurrected himself!” One of the fans shouted. “Now Ghotic Cosmo, Plus Flood Cry!” Aquas roared and released a white rainbow colored shockwave of watery energy from his chest as he shot a torrent of water into the air, making a huge storm above the field. He prevented Helios from defending himself. “Helios! Mach Blitz!” Helios countered and blasted him with an energy shot that shut his defenses down. But as sense of dread filled the field. Aquas was not fazed. His body was pulsing with heavenly energy, and a gigantic white megastructure appeared over his head, shaped like a cradle and the storm began to send red and rainbow colored lightning bolts down on Helios. “ULTIMATE COMBINATION ACTIVATE! SILENT HONOR ARK, PLUS SILENT HONOR DARK!” Aquas was levitating with power as Nash held the card into the air and he spread his wings at the same time, he grew gigantic in size and pulsed all six attribute colors, despite only triple changing to Darkus and Aurelus, and charged an immense singularity of light and energy. He was now breaking a 40,000 power ceiling. “YOU WILL PERISH HELIOS!” He roared as he opened his wings and released it down into the battlefield, Helios was obliterated by the blast and returned to ball form, Apollo was on his knees, he had been absolutely embarrassed. Helios singed with energy, so much had been released that he was hot to the touch. The worst had happened: Nash had stolen his top three spot. Then, Nash returned to human form, and offered Apollo to stand but he slapped his hand away and got up on his own. “You fought well, but not well enough.” He said cryptically. “Heres some advice. You are a kite dancing in a hurricane Apollo, stop while you’re ahead. You wont be able to withstand this coming storm.” Nash walked away. Apollo was enraged. He would not rest until he beat Nash.
Rankings June 10 2024 Mike Dawn Nash Kastle Apollo Sayer Max Howlet Lucas Alito Blaine
Brawl Log: Nash Vs Apollo Result: Nash W Apollo L Difference: Nash Extreme Diff
Apollo: Plitheon X Infinity Helios(Took two down but fell to Saint Aquas) Nash: Krakenoid X, Frosch X, Saint Aquas
Krakenoid 1200 Gs Plitheon 900

• Deep Charger: Subtract 300 gs from each opponent. If activated after you rolled first, your opponent cannot activate abilities on their roll.
  
• Stash Raider: Plitheon can choose 7 cards belonging to the opponent to delete from the brawl upon roll. This ability cannot be nullified except by a pure Pyrus Ability.
  

Plitheon 600 Krakenoid 1200

• Fly Destroyer: Subtracts 400 Gs from the opponent.
• Fly Blazer: Subtracts 300 Gs from each opponent and adds 300 Gs to Plitheon.

Krakenoid 500 Plitheon 900 + 120 Nukix= 1020

• Blitz Scoundrel: Adds 500 Gs to Plitheon and shatters the opponents gate card. Replace it with an unused Gate. If there is no gate on the field one of your unused Gate Cards will be set at Random.

Shattered Mine Ghost Replaced with Pyrus Reactor Opened Card Shattered by Shark Drake Veiss Plitheon 1720 Krakenoid 500

• Shark Drake Veiss: Transfer 1000 Gs to Krakenoid and shatter the opponents gate card
• Wise Deluge: All Bakugan cannot target Aquos Gate cards with nullification.
• Hydro Cannon: Transfer 700 Gs From the opponent to Krakenoid and Nullify their Ability.

Plitheon 20, Krakenoid 2300 + 300 Jamsaber 2600

• Cunning Inferno: Activate when your opponent would open/nullify a Gate Card or Nullify your ability. Cease activation and skip their turn. After calculation, Plitheon is unaffected by your opponent’s ability and Gate Cards for the next three turns, but has his abilities halved in strength, unless he is Battle Gear level 2.

Plitheon 5, Krakenoid 5600

• Shark Drake Leviathan: Add 3000 Gs to Krakenoid, subtract 3000 Gs from the opponent and clear their board of all Gate Cards support pieces and Bakugan. Fuse with Shark Drake Veiss and Shark Drake to combine effects and triple the amount of power.

-2995 Plitheon, Krakenoid 5600
Helios 1250 Krakenoid Level 2 1200 * Clamor Quasar: Transfer 500 Gs from your opponent to Infinity Helios and bring them back to Base Power and G-Power Levels. Krakenoid 700 L1, Helios 1750 * Wise Torrent: Choose to reuse any 5 Aquos abilities three times or add another Bakugan to the battle Chose Option 2 Krakenoid 700 L1, Helios 1750, Frosch 800 * Bolting Breaker: Transfer 600 gs from each opponent to Infinity Helios. * Battle Warrior: Add 400Gs to Infinity Helios. Infinity Helios 2750 Frosch 200 Krakenoid 100 Frosch: * Swap Frog: If Frosch’s G-Power is Lower than His Opponent, Swap his current G-Power with either any Bakugan in your Unused or Used Pile, or any Bakugan in your Opponents Used or unused Pile. * Neptune Stream: Subtract 600 Gs from the opponent * Elemental Ocean: Adds 500 Gs to Frosch. Krakenoid * Dweller’s Gaze: Add 200gs To Krakenoid and nullify their ability. Then force their Gate Card open and activate it at your command. Apply its effect to all Bakugan presently battling. Frosch (swaps with Plitheon) 200 + 900 Base=1100 Gs, Helios 2750(Nullified)1750-600= 1150, Krakenoid 300 Gs Gate Card Opened by Krakenoid * Pyrus Reactor: Add 500 Gs to a pyrus bakugan Krakenoid 800, Helios 1650, Frosch 1600 * Strontium Railstar: Activate when your opponent opens a gate card. Subtract 900 Gs from the opponent and shatter their Gate Card. Set another Gate Card under both Bakugan, without re rolling, before the ability resolves and prevent its Nullification. Krakenoid Negative 100 X, Infinity Helios 2650, Frosch -900= 700 Set Aquos Spotting Out underneath * Darkfluid Alloy: Change the attribute of Infinity Helios to dual type Darkus and Pyrus. All abilities now apply damage as if they were both Darkus and Pyrus. * Deep Fire - Block A: Negates all of your opponent’s active Support Pieces for 2 turns, and all abilities active presently are nullified. Transfer 300Gs from an opponent of choice to Infinity Helios every half a turn. Helios(Dual Type) +300 1950, Frosch 700-300=400 * Dark Growth: Change Frosch’s Attribute to Dual type Aquos/Darkus and add 400 Gs * Aquos Cyclone: Subtracts 600 Gs from each opponent and adds 600 Gs to Frosch. Helios (Dual) 1350-600= 750+300 = 950 Frosch (Dual Type) 800-300 500 * Ghost Quasar: All opponents lose double the last G-Power addition. Helios(Dual) 950 Frosch (Dual) 500-800-300=-600
Nash Sets Helios 1250 Gs Power Level 3, Rolls Saint Aquas 1000 * Deep Beyond: Add 600 Gs to Hydraxon, and he cannot be targeted by abilities, except those activated by Aquos Bakugan for one turn. Aquas 1600 Helios L3 1250 * Frenzy Blaster: Add 600 Gs to Infinity Helios. * Battle Warrior: Add 400Gs to Infinity Helios. Helios 2250 Aquas 1600 * Virtue Stream: Transfer 600 Gs from each opponent to each ally. Double the transfer to Aquas. Helios 1150 Aquas 2800 * Burner Visor: Nullifies all of the opponent's abilities. * Precipice Blades: Subtract 200 gs from each opponent up to 3 times for each Bakugan Helios has defeated. Aquas 1600-200-200=1200 Helios 2250 * Aqua Reverse: Reflect your Opponent’s Ability at double the Strength if it is Defensive, and if it is offensive, apply the effect to Hydraxon at Double the Strength. * Delta Blue: Prevent the opponent from gaining a support piece bonus. * Barian Bolster: Double Aquas G-Power and halve all offensive abilities that target him for the next two turns. * Crystal Stream: Subtract 400 Gs from the opponent Aquas 1200+200+200 = 1600*2=3600 Helios 2250+ Bombaplode * Infinity Heliopause: Nullify the last consecutive ability your opponent used and return them to that point in the battle. * Warfire: Halve each opponent’s G-Power and add the total amount taken to Infinity Helios. Your opponent cannot activate abilities or gate cards in response to this ability if Helios has any support pieces presently attached to him. * Vexos Infinity: Play after you win a battle with Infinity Helios. Enslave the defeated Bakugan, add half its G-Power to Infinity Helios, and copy three of its abilities as Pyrus abilities. * Solaris Cannon: Helios gains 1000 Gs. Then, Helios gains G-power equal to a bonus the opponent's Bakugan has received during this battle. Aquas 1200/2=600 Helios 2250+1000+3600+600+600= 8000 (Gains new ability Cards from power increase, and Enslaves Krakenoid. Nash must win to get him back, copies abyss megalo, wise wave, and wise deluge.) * (Copy Fusion Ability)Abyss Megalo: Double (Helios)Krakenoids G-Power, Double all Aquos Gate Card effects and add them to (Helios)Krakenoid, and subtract 1000 Gs from the opponent. Helios 16000 Aquas Neg 400(Gains more new abilities) Round resumes, Aquas Resurrected 2400 Helios 16000 * Reincarnate Unveil Mail: Saint Aquas can be revived at double the G-Power if defeated. Aquas Changes his wings to open in his ball form. Aquas 2400 Helios 16000 * Ghotic Cosmo: Call an attribute. That Attribute cannot attack Aquas without losing the Same amount of G-Power on the next activated Ability Card. * Flood Cry: all of your Aquos Bakugan are unaffected by abilities during your opponent’s next turn. Saint Aquas 2400 Helios 16000(Chose Pyrus) * Mach Blitz: Prevents the activation of Defensive abilities by your opponent for the rest of the match. Saint Aquas 2400 Helios 16000 * (Ultimate Ability) Silent Honor Ark: (Fuse with two Aquos Abilities) Activate if Aquas is your only Bakugan remaining, your opponent has more than one Bakugan on the field, all of them are at least 800 Gs stronger than your Aquas at the time of his resurrection, and if Aquas has been resurrected at any time in the battle, but no more than five turns after his resurrection. Double Saint Aquas Base G Power and change him to dual type Aurelus. Then, add each Opponent’s present G-Power to his power level. If you have only Aquos Bakugan in your used pile, Transfer 10,000 Gs from each opponent to Saint Aquas. Cannot Be Nullified reflected absorbed or prevented. (sacred orb) * (Fusion Ability)Silent Honor DArk: Quadruple the effects of Silent Honor Ark if consecutively activated and change him to triple type Aurelus Darkus and Aquos. Saint Aquas cannot be defeated in battle(Ability Cards that defeat Bakugan do not count in this ability). (Sacred Orb) Saint Aquas 47,000, Helios -Negative 26,000 Nash Victory, Krakenoid returned Apollo Defeat
New Abilities added through Helios’ over 10,000 increase of power * Ragnarok Quasar: Subtract 800 Gs from the opponent and Prevent the Activation of abilities. * Mauser Slash: Adds 800 Gs to Infinity Helios. * Infinity Pulsar: Transfers 800 Gs from the opponent to Helios, Return them to Base Power Level and prevents the activation of Abilities. Cannot be nullified. * Destroy Quasar: Return the opponent to Base Power Level and add the lost power to Helios * Inferno Superior: Double Helios G Power and prevent the nullification of your abilities for two turns. * Exploder Dragonwing: Transfers 1000 Gs from the opponent to Helios and prevent the opponent from activating abilities or opening Gate Cards. Return the opponent to Base Power Level and add the difference to Helios and all Allies. Also, skip your opponent’s next turn.

My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had for breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.
"...umm "My family has always been of great minds. I hated it. Growing up and having to study day and night to try and live up to them was extremely exhausting when I couldn't care how things worked as long as I was happy. I gave up but somehow everything kept turning out to be true.
Over my lifetime I have become the Gorden Ramsey of the science world. Known for my temper and also for huge things like curing world hunger using play-doe and cancer with baby powder I got in a back street ally while drunk.
To get my family off my back I started making random ideas so they could see me as a failure and leave me alone but...they keep working. And soon people started to praise me. Fame has left me with nothing but more and more attention. So today I plan to make sure that everyone can just think I'm insane and leave me alone and not some king.
I chuckled like a kid who was opening a Christmas present as I heard the crowd of people chatting and talking loudly as I hid behind my stage in a grey tight suit that my sister had picked out. I sighed and was ready to walk out and make a fool out of myself but my brother stopped me.
" Jack... I just want you to know how proud I am of you. Dad would have loved to see you right now. "
I thought it was ironic because last night while chilling on the couch watching TV and eating chips I made this theory up. He dusted off my shoulders held them tight and looked me in the eyes taking in the moment.
" go give them hell man. "
He had a goofy smile just like Dad but spoke with confidence.
" you got it, man. "
I heard my name being called onto the stage and the uproar startled me for a second but I collected myself and headed out after giving him a nod just to entertain him.
The lights were blinding as I grabbed the mic and looked at the table in front of me with a small box with the ingredients I needed and a chalkboard behind me.
After I stood still for a minute the crowd died down. I had not told anyone what I was presenting so the whole world was watching without a clue of what I was doing this time.
"Hello everyone. Today I believe I have my most important presentation yet..."
The crowd grew silent and hung on every word. And I heard my voice around the room through the speakers.
" Today I have with me a box...and inside is spaghetti I had breakfast. "
The crowd laughed thinking it was a joke
" shut up "
The crowd grew silent once more
"Behind me is a chalkboard and I will now present my new findings to all of you...I have found out how to make portals to other worlds. "
A man in the far back of the audience yelled bullshit in a heavy Indian accent but he was so far it was a faint sound for me. I smiled at that thinking I had finally found something that would make me lose my title and I could go ahead and live a life without people making me feel like an evil man for not helping others.
I opened the box got a handful of the noodles and threw them at the chalkboard. I then grabbed a paper towel on standby to clean myself.
The noodles hit the board and slowly moved and rested on a spot on the board. I made eye contact with my brother backstage and he had a look on his face showing he believed in me.
I spun the board dropping the noodles to the ground I then grabbed the chalk and drew around the sauce and noodles that stuck to the board then drew my attention to the others that had fallen on the floor and drew an outline of that.
After it finished I threw the chalk in the crowd violently hitting an old lady in the face.
" Quickly I want a show of hands who thinks I'm a crazy guy "
Everyone raised their hands and I laughed to myself
I then went behind the board and laid it horizontally. I grabbed a small knife in my pocket and poked my finger with it. The crimson blood fell and hit the chalk and then as more and more blood hit the chalk it started glowing.
" you have got to be joking. "
I said out loud as it started to spark an orange glow and it slowly grew color to the rest of the chalk in orange sparks.
Once the symbol was fully sparking with orange the sauce began to swell and move around in a counterclockwise manner. I stepped away from it in shock as small parts of the blood in my finger began to float to the parts where it fell on the floor I drew my outlines on and started sparking those as well.
It started to smoke and hiss as if lightning could whisper and the orange began to take shape and the sauce made a doorway. The parts that were not on the board began to grow ice around them and started to make designs on the floor circling me and the board. Suddenly it grew in size and a large booming voice was heard through the portal as I felt panic of people start to set in.
A huge claw came out and scrapped the sides of my table trying to crawl out from the world it had been trapped in. Cold winds hit me as they cut my skin and threw around my clothes. As I saw the table was now melting from its touch.
A slimy green claw with mucus like a face-hugger egg from the movie Alien carved through the floor and pulled the rest of its body out slowly. A beast stood at 12 feet tall adjusting to our world as goop grew and shaped its body as people screamed, ran, and stood frozen in fear.
As it looked around it locked its spider-like eyes and swerled around coming out from the portal and twisting and turning around the body as it made its way to its head finding a place to rest. It then locked its eyes with me and its jaw twisted slowly from an ant-like maw to mine and slowly shrunk and it soon took the shape of me and knelt on the floor and spoke to me.
" master. "
I stood in shock as everyone seemed to calm down and watched to see what I would do.

"...umm "

Part two of the noodle demon.
Now that this creature knelt before me I realized that the room I was in was so terrible quietly you could hear everyone's ass get tight in anticipation of what would happen next.
" ...what...are you. "
I spoke carefully to the being that had taken the shape of myself. It still took my breath away and my throat was dry.
The beast was a deep green. The color mixed with shades of grey streaming from it. The longer I looked at it I could see it getting closer to what I looked like shaping itself.
From small flowing green tendrils to an arm they grew as they twisted and made bone then muscle and finally skin.
It locked eyes with me and it smiled deeply at me. As it formed the face finally.
" Your vassle. "
My eyes had not moved to the crowd at all but even though the lights hit the stage so hard it was enveloped in smoke.
The creature's eyes glowed as it answered brightly, not figuratively. This thing's eyes were glowing.
"To serve you, We are bound by blood magic. I am a reflection of your desires, Master, " it said, its voice now a whisper in my mind.
It began to stand up as my grey suit began to form on it and by the time it stood fully up it had copied what I looked like.
" let me explain everything. "
My body frozen in fear woke up with adrenaline as I blinked and a flash of green smoke covered my vision as he teleported right to me face to face.
Its body turned to smoke and went into the slits of my eyes. I felt visions follow me in my peripheral vision but surprisingly no pain followed power filled me and it felt like one hell of a drug.
My body and mind altered.
I was now in a very dark place with no walls or light except my reflection on the floor which waved like water.
I took a step back looking around and back to the reflection of me on the ground.
Soon the water rippled and my reflection fell through the floor like gravity was inverted. he flew upright and water fell off of him as he looked at me as he now stood straight ahead of me. He was just reflecting in the water but now eyed me down.
Collecting my nerves.
I begin to speak.
" what do you want..."
He was still in my form and stood perfectly straight. Now with water dripping from his...my hair.
Slight stubble with hair that hung down and my hazel eyes were not present within him but I was greeted with a swelling acidic green that doubled the size of my pupil.
" to serve you. "
He made no other movement than putting his hands behind his back like a soldier at ease.
I could not tell if it was lying or not.
" ...is that it? "
" I am the embodiment of your fear desires and brilliance. You have shaped me. Your desire for solitude birthed me. I will aid you in shaping the world how you see fit. Your reality becomes mine. "
There was a slight echo in the room as he spoke.
" wait...where are we "
I questioned haphazardly
" your mind. "
An awkward silence was in the air until I spoke
" so...am I just standing on the stage not making a sound? "
He gave me a concerned look.
" no...time has frozen outside for you. You may sleep here without having to in the real world so to others you look as if you never rest and you may think and plan what to do in battle here. For them, it will be about two seconds...Do...do you not have any knowledge of what I am? "
Suddenly I felt bad like I had encountered someone famous and I had no idea who they were. A slap in the face like a popular kid meeting someone who had never heard of them. Ego shattered.
" ok sorry no. I...don't go around reading about...monsters?"
I felt like was I saying the n-word of the demon realm not knowing if that word was offensive.
He folded his arms a little upset.
"Are you not a warrior? "
" well...no I...just watch TV and cook here and there- "
The demon cut me off
" weak. "
" excuse me? "
" look. I am an immortal being and after a while you get bored. So I'm sorry if I may be a little upset after being bonded with some nobody. "
I got quiet and I was a little annoyed that I was being roasted by some demon that I just met.
Its form wavers and eyes begin to open on its skin. Cheeks forhead etc.
"After being a god for so long it's fun to play with limitations. Makes things extremely exciting. "
" what do you mean by that? "
" look. You can only be so entertained by the same things. Life gets boring and now...you are going to help me with this. I get to have pure entertainment while you get every wish you could ever want. A mutual bond no? "
He then closed his eyes annoyed and the other eyes meshed back to his skin.
" though... the TV is not that interesting...life is what gets the blood pumping"
I felt the need to quickly change the topic
"Are there others like you? "
The room began to take shape very slowly as the water floor turned to wood and walls went around us.
" of course. You may meet them one day "
Confused and curious I pressed.
"Meet them? "
" yes. Summoning one of us is considered a threat to them. "
He spoke while opening and closing his newly found hand except backward.
" hm...no that don't look right "
I quickly responded
" Wait! How is doing that a threat! "
"Well, one doesn't just accidentally Summon one of us to suddenly get powers beyond human control. "
I thought back to how I summoned him by accident with some food I made.
" well...funny story but I summoned you using my breakfast..."
I had never regretted speaking so much as in that moment.
" What... "
Acid dripped from his words. Literally. His pupils split in half and his bottom jaw ripped open like an ant and curved giving sharpness to the bone.
"Please don't kill me. "
The room began to look like a cozy cabin with a fireplace and he slowly went back to normal.
" I would if I could. I've never felt so disrespected. We are bonded by your blood. If you die...I die. "
Suddenly I felt at ease by this new information.
Then a thought came to my mind
" ...God's can die? "
" you did hear me, right? "
The SAS from this guy was unneeded and I was starting to miss him being on his knees as weird as that sounds.
" so...all that power gone.... in an instant... "
" well...no actually God's powers don't just disappear they transfer to whoever killed them...wait...hold up."
He suddenly had an epiphany.
A smile grew on his face and he grabbed my shoulders
" you! You are going to help me kill the other gods! "
He sounded proud but I let him down.
" ha! No. "
" oh come on! Don't be like that. "
He did a pout.
"Look, man. I'm not killing gods for you. Just because you are bored. "
" hey...they might send people to kill you because you bonded with me. "
"What did I ever do to them? "
"They have a system to this stuff. They like to build and watch things play out. You're a problem. That can mess it up. So...they kill ya...to be honest, I don't know any other way to explain it, man. You know people normally just use my power to kill people and become a king and know this already. "
"This is outrageous. "
" bro. Look if you do this I will be able to get their powers and you will be able to do so much more than what I offer "
I tilted my head
" what can you do? Know what never mind. I will just talk to them and figure things out. "
He groaned and his form melted down sagging and it shot back up reforming
"Is there not anything that you want? Anything in the world? Gods don't put themselves in physical forms. They give people power and can make beings to hunt you. And if they care enough to come down themself. Ha, good luck."
I stopped and thought about it trying to weigh the options of pissing off higher beings.
Suddenly. I found something.
"Can you bring back the dead..."
He stopped confused.
" well...no "
" then I don't want anything "
" wait! "
He threw his arms out pleading
"I don't...but another God does..."
He crosses his arms smiling. He had left the question hanging letting me reconsider his offer.
I stopped and thought for a while before looking back up to him.
I let out a sigh and looked him in the eyes
" ok...you are going to help me get my father back. "
The demon smirked.

So, I had a dream with an unfamiliar face but in that dream, she was supposedly my aunt. She was fat and has an angry aura. I am in my 20's and she's around 50s. I don't remember much about the first parts of my dream but the last parts was scary before I woke up.
What I remembered was we were on a big event in a province, idk if its a reunion or a burial because there were so many people and all of them are relatives. The place was like a country side and we were from the city so I guess we traveled to go there and attend a gathering. I was looking for a sit and then, that aunt approached me and said let's sit there at the corner. It was so normal like it's real because the pace was slow. I felt how we walked, threw something at the trash while going to the sits and how we moved the chairs to face the stage.
Now, were sitted and that aunt was talking about her trip coming here. The scene was like outside an old house and surrounded with forest. It was so cold so were wearing layered clothes. Until she sent me messages while we were sitting together. The phone I have was the phone in 2000's , which I never had one because I am born in 2000. I knew how to use it and opened the messages, I got curious why did she have to text it. I don't remember the exact words but she was telling me to have sex with her in a disgusting way. I remember how I felt reading it, I just don't remember the exact word she said it. It was so scary and Idk about this but the phone I was using had a feature of showing pictures. So I scrolled and it showed disgusting photos of her in a sexual position with someone and that someone was dead.
Blood was all over the bed, I think it's a guy and his eyes were white, unconscious. Then the scary fat aunt was on top of him looking straight to the camera. She looks like the stalker lady in the Baby reindeer netflix series. It was so scary, my heart started beating so fast, a little sweaty and I got so nervous. But to not make her do something bad, I smiled at her and politely excused myself.
I calmly went to my real aunt in real life. This aunt has been very nice to me so I trusted her. I saw her at the back sitting together with other relatives. I whispered to her "auntie, you have to see this". And I brought out my phone, a relative beside her was trying to "osyoso" (filipino term) or eavesdrop. But I gave aunt a look signaling someone is eavesdropping so my aunt told her off. Then, I opened the phone showed her the message and photo. Then suddenly the phone message became like facebook that can be scrolled down. It led us into more disturbing photos.
I think those were photos on her way here at the province. She was with a group of hikers or travelers. Then as we scroll, there were also sex pictures with 3 person. And their positions, faces, bodies were ugly and disgusting. They're like pigs. We were so shocked with all the pictures we discovered. We have thoughts like "that's not like our aunt" (though it's a new face to me). Then, I looked through the sitting crowd, I saw her staring straight to me with disgusting smile. I got so scared that I woke up from that dream.

"Dreams are the mutiny of the common man."
Verse Ten of The First Binding

In Port Cardica, every streetwise unbound must memorize three rules to survive:
First, no thieving on Sundays. The Sisters bring free food, but if anyone steals, no one eats.
Second, don’t cross the nobles. They need someone to blame for the city’s unrest. It will be you.
Third, a fool’s prayer always follows danger, so if you’re planning to do something dumb, pray first.

Tonight, Callam Quill was breaking all three in a brazen attempt to change his fate.
He dangled from a cliff wall, his fingers straining to bear his weight. The wind battered him as he stretched out his bare feet in search of footing but found none. High above him stood his mark: a coastal manor with the gothic arches and spires popular among the port’s elite.
“Prosper in his light, a heathen outside his sight,” he recited over and over, hoping to calm his nerves and keep his grip on the bluff’s wall. The stanza was one of many prayers shared by the chapel’s Sisters in lieu of lessons or love. Repetition got you fed, but memorization got you seconds, so Callam had learned them all by heart.
If the gods heard Callam’s plea, they cast no magic to save him. Callam did, however, manage to wedge his foot into a small crevice—his toes cramped within a few seconds of anchoring in. That was too close, he thought while hugging the rock face. He dared not look down at the waves and rocks below.
Slow, deep breaths steadied Callam’s pulse. When he could no longer feel the beat of his chest, he pushed off his foothold and leveraged it into another. The wet stones were slick as seaglass, and his muscles soon burned from exertion. Yet he persisted, knowing his best chance for freedom was at the top of this cliff.
Twice more he almost fell, and twice more he repeated the Sisters’ stanzas.
The edge inched closer as Callam climbed, and he’d just passed the halfway point when a gust howled its approach. Bracing himself, he shifted his weight onto his back foot—suddenly, he slipped. His grip flagged, then faltered as the wind pried him from the bluff.
“It isn't written, it isn’t written,” he prayed, while he plummeted. The dockboys would have laughed at his superstition, but he didn’t care; to him, the stanzas were lucky and he needed some luck. Instinctively, he reached out, scrambling to find a hold or catch a ledge. His calluses tore as he traded skin for friction on the rock face.
Callam's stomach lurched. Stone scraped against his abdomen, cloth ripped, and his tunic tightened around his back. The air was forced out of his lungs when he came to an abrupt halt. For a moment he hung like a rag doll, his eyes shut against an avalanche of gravel that peppered him.
The rock shower passed; only then did Callam manage a labored breath. His hands trembled as he lifted his body to unhook his tunic from a rock spur it had snagged on. Once free, he clambered to a nearby perch, then brushed the dirt from his face. Debris fell from his messy brown hair; he always kept it short, and it was slightly uneven, as if it had been shorn by a dull blade. The only part of him that didn’t seem dirty was the tattoo of a feather on his wrist.
“Po–Poet’s hand,” he cursed, his teeth chattering.
He was freezing, reeked of salt, and hurt all over. His palms were raw and scoured with pebbles—they throbbed in the cold air. A cautious flex proved he hadn’t broken any bones, but a cough brought about that sting that every kicked street rat knew so well. Soft prods confirmed Callam’s fears: a bruised rib. He’d seen beggars ignore similar injuries from fights or beatings, only to end up plagued by the stitcher’s cough weeks later.
It was reason enough to consider giving up.
Not happening, Callam thought with a grimace. I promised her. Her faith in him was his stone. A lump formed in his throat. He’d come too far to quit now and doom himself to a lifetime of serving those whose only virtue was being blessed by scripture.
He owed her memory that much, at least.
With renewed vigor, Callam resumed his ascent. He climbed more carefully this time, testing each hold to make sure it was secure, and taking breaks when his body demanded it. If all went well, he’d have a grimoire in hand by morning and would no longer be unbound.
Claiming a spellbook was imperative. Binding Day was coming, and the ceremony would force all unbound seventeen-year-olds into a blind binding, with terrible odds of success. For years, Callam had watched as naïve orphans lined up to receive their spellbooks, only for their expressions to go from hopeful to horrified when the ink failed to take.
That won’t happen to me, Callam swore. His jaw tightened as he remembered the cries of the orphans when their bindings had broken. It was supposed to be “painless,” yet shattered dreams never were. Those who failed the rite forever lost access to grimoires and to the magic the books bestowed.
They became Ruddites.
Callam reached for the next handhold, a knot forming in his stomach. He gripped the stone, fingers stiff, and pulled himself upwards. The sunken stares of Ruddite orphans were burned into his mind. The dark rings beneath their eyes proved that they never lacked for work; there was always a steady business in selling them to the patrons of the port.
The edge was five handspans away when the route Callam had chosen came to an end—there wasn’t a purchase in sight, just a sheer rock face. Shaking out each arm in turn, he weighed his options. He could take a leap of faith, or climb down and find a safer route. It was rumored that the guards rotated at midnight; after that, the grounds would be secure, so he’d—
“That which is written,” a gruff voice stated from above.
Callam flattened himself against the cliff, heart thumping. The words were muffled, so it took him a second to realize their origin. Peeking upwards, he could just make out the silhouette of a guard walking atop the cliff’s edge.
“Is foretold and forbidden,” another voice responded a moment later, completing the greeting. “Alright, alright. Enough formalities. All quiet on the watch?”
“Quiet as it gets. Just sea, stone, and sand for miles. I’ve slept less during sermon.”
“Hah! Better than the warfront or that blasted Tower, though, right? Two years, and I can still taste the stench of those damned barren beasts…”
The conversation was swept up by the wind as the watchmen paced farther down the perimeter. They hadn’t seen him, but he needed to hurry. The guards were rotating now.
Cold sweat covered Callam as he prepared to leap. He clutched the bluff’s face, his knuckles turning white from his trepidation. It’s no different than jumping piers at the harbor, he tried to convince himself, as if he weren’t over a hundred feet in the air.
Now or never. Callam lunged upward, loose stones falling from where he’d kicked off the wall. For a second he was airborne, his hands reaching for the headland, his heart beating wildly. Then he cleared the cliff’s rim and immediately clawed his fingers into the dirt above. His palms burned as he began to slide backwards, before a foothold gave him the support he needed to haul himself over the bluff’s edge. The exertion shot pain through Callam’s ribs. He clenched his teeth until it passed.
“Made it,” he wheezed. Thank the Poet. For a moment, Callam lay on the ground, the drizzle wetting his face. Then, he stood gingerly and winced—he wanted to check his wounds, but there was no time. He needed to locate the four markers he’d memorized in preparation for his heist. They would lead him to the estate's collection of scripted grimoires.
Keeping to the shadows, Callam wound his way through the grounds. The manor loomed in the distance, its stories of ivy-covered granite fading into the darkness. Windows glowed like watchful eyes; one flickered on, and Callam fought the urge to hide. Instead, he sped up, the grass squelching loudly underfoot. He hoped the sound would be muted by the groans and creaks of nearby tree branches.
Callam soon reached an open pavilion. Peering around a hedge, he looked for any guards—the courtyard was empty except for a speaker's lectern, with a marble copy of the Sermon’s Book laid open upon it.
The first marker. A smile tugged at Callam’s lips; he knew the Sisters would have raged at the sight of the relic left to weather outside.
The second marker, a manned tower with sentries on lookout, protruded from above a large brick archway. Unfortunately for Callam, these guards stood vigilant in their watch. One leaned out the tower’s window and held a lantern high against the storm. The other had a cupped hand over his brow to better see the grounds. Both wore breastplates, and neither had the unkempt beards common among the city's constables.
That’s no good, Callam thought, swallowing heavily. Camouflaged behind a topiary, he rubbed his arms to stave off the chill, then waited for any sign that the sentries were distracted. It came in the spark of a flint; one of the guards turned to the other, and both leaned in to light a smoke.
Callam dashed into the passageway. After rounding the first turn, he crouched and listened. No guards came running.
The only sounds were the shifting of leaves and the pattering of rain. Lantern light danced on an arched wall to Callam’s left, causing the stone to vary in hue from amber to ochre. Across the way, lichen grew on columns that led to a manor-side garden. Callam walked over to those pillars, wary of making any noise. The closer he got, the more the air smelled damp and slightly sweet, like a barrel of wine that had been left out in the rain. Some of the tension began to drain from Callam’s shoulders, and he took a moment to wring out his damp shirt.
Then, the wind held still. Silence fell, the type that all prey know. As if ice was pressed against his spine, every hair on Callam’s neck rose. He inhaled shallowly, afraid he’d be heard. Someone was watching—he was sure of it. Shadows filled the corners of his eyes; they stretched and wove and played tricks on his mind.
He needed to run. Now.
Callam shot forward, aiming for the plants that bordered the manor’s exterior. His first step felt like moving lead, but each subsequent one came easier.
He’d made it less than ten paces when the storm picked up. The feeling of being watched passed.
Callam shivered, then took cover amongst the manor’s foliage. There, he waited for his terror to fade. He’d spent years on the streets honing his instincts; those long nights had left him jumpy as well.
‘Fear long enough, and it becomes loud,’ he reminded himself. That stanza carried more weight with the unbound orphans than the Sisters could ever know.
Chapter 1-16 out on RR right now. Once chapter a day until we are caught up <3

So, I had a dream with an unfamiliar face but in that dream, she was supposedly my aunt. She was fat and has an angry aura. I am in my 20's and she's around 50s. I don't remember much about the first parts of my dream but the last parts was scary before I woke up.
What I remembered was we were on a big event in a province, idk if its a reunion or a burial because there were so many people and all of them are relatives. The place was like a country side and we were from the city so I guess we traveled to go there and attend a gathering. I was looking for a sit and then, that aunt approached me and said let's sit there at the corner. It was so normal like it's real because the pace was slow. I felt how we walked, threw something at the trash while going to the sits and how we moved the chairs to face the stage.
Now, were sitted and that aunt was talking about her trip coming here. The scene was like outside an old house and surrounded with forest. It was so cold so were wearing layered clothes. Until she sent me messages while we were sitting together. The phone I have was the phone in 2000's , which I never had one because I am born in 2000. I knew how to use it and opened the messages, I got curious why did she have to text it. I don't remember the exact words but she was telling me to have sex with her in a disgusting way. I remember how I felt reading it, I just don't remember the exact word she said it. It was so scary and Idk about this but the phone I was using had a feature of showing pictures. So I scrolled and it showed disgusting photos of her in a sexual position with someone and that someone was dead.
Blood was all over the bed, I think it's a guy and his eyes were white, unconscious. Then the scary fat aunt was on top of him looking straight to the camera. She looks like the stalker lady in the Baby reindeer netflix series. It was so scary, my heart started beating so fast, a little sweaty and I got so nervous. But to not make her do something bad, I smiled at her and politely excused myself.
I calmly went to my real aunt in real life. This aunt has been very nice to me so I trusted her. I saw her at the back sitting together with other relatives. I whispered to her "auntie, you have to see this". And I brought out my phone, a relative beside her was trying to "osyoso" (filipino term) or eavesdrop. But I gave aunt a look signaling someone is eavesdropping so my aunt told her off. Then, I opened the phone showed her the message and photo. Then suddenly the phone message became like facebook that can be scrolled down. It led us into more disturbing photos.
I think those were photos on her way here at the province. She was with a group of hikers or travelers. Then as we scroll, there were also sex pictures with 3 person. And their positions, faces, bodies were ugly and disgusting. They're like pigs. We were so shocked with all the pictures we discovered. We have thoughts like "that's not like our aunt" (though it's a new face to me). Then, I looked through the sitting crowd, I saw her staring straight to me with disgusting smile. I got so scared that I woke up from that dream.

Yes long story but a lot happened on this date. 😅 this was back in 2019. Six months after I (24F now 19F then) got my heart broken for the very first time. I never was fond of love so when I actually experienced it I was devastated when I lost it. Took a while to get back on my feet but when I did I was immediately reminded of why dating sucks.
When I hit the six month mark from my break up one of my friends suggested I go on tindedating apps to get my mind off of my ex. Rebounding not the best solution but lead me to greater things. So I created a profile and immediately got matches. Back then I was heavily into memes and bonded with one dude let’s call him Dylan (21M then. fake name). We would send our meme collection and make a lot of jokes. Laughing again felt nice, not long after connecting I agreed to go on a date with him.
Now I want to clarify this guy was super nice and a good person. The odds were just not in his favor on how successful the date was considering all the signs pointed to it not working out.
It started with him picking me up. It was raining super hard that day so I waited at my apartment window to see when he arrived. He texted me he was there but I didn’t see any new cars pull up. I went outside on my balcony to get a lay of the land/parking lot. I spotted a jeep Cherokee that matched his description across the lot; two buildings down. I texted him explaining he was at the wrong building. He seemed confused on where to go so I told him to stay put and I would walk over. Unfortunately my sister took the only umbrella we had in the apartment for work. My umbrella was in my car that my sister also took to work. So I was forced to free ball it in the rain. It wouldn’t have been that bad if it Zeus wasn’t bringing his full wrath down on us.
I walked over to his car (couldn’t run due to a knee cap issues) and by the time I got in my make up was heavily smeared. I apologized for the confusion (not sure why) we did our greetings then as he backed out I started fixing my makeup. (This is sign #1)
As we drove I started to look around the vehicle. Some trash here and there but not too bad. There was rust on the car floor with a small hole. I was little anxious about the fact I could see the road underneath but have had my fair share of old cars. I’ve had cars so crappy I’d be on the side of the road so much; now I get anxiety anytime I’m in sketchy vehicles. As I was observing this a loud squeaking sound came from the dash. He laugh and said “sorry she like’s to squeal.” Then he proceeded to bang on the dash until the sound stopped. This encounter made me anxious in his car to and eventually from the date. (Sign #2)
Picking up the fact that he said ‘she’ reminded me of my ex naming his vehicle. He would also refer to the car as she.
So I ask “She? What is her name?.”
Him: “ah you caught that. Yeah this is my baby Megan.”
My smile dropped. Little did this guy know that two weeks prior I just kicked out my ex friend Megan for tons of drama. It was an ugly fallout from friends to roommates to strangers. (Sign #3) I didn’t tell Dylan this. Instead I complimented the name and changed the subject.
This whole time he was driving two towns over for our date (40 min drive). This town is where I actually worked but is also where my ex lived… I asked him where we were going; he responded with a name of my favorite chinese Buffet since he knew I liked chinese food. I was excited at first but then I remembered. My ex and I went there almost every weekend when I would stay nights with him. So many memories came rushing back of us laughing in the booths and getting our grub on. I still kept up the conversation but deep down I was questioning if I was actually ready to move on. (Sign #4)
When we pulled up he decided to park in the very back. So it was a walk to the front. I was a little disappointed since there were closer spots. Like I mentioned earlier knee cap issues. Nonetheless, I sucked it up and we made our way to the door. He saw I was stretching my back as we walked and thought it be a good idea to do the same. In an attempt to pop his back, this dude started twisting his arms/torso super fast, resulting in him accidentally clipping my head. (Sign #5)
He apologized immediately asking if I was okay. I laughed it off and told him I was fine even though I could feel the bump already forming, As we entered the restaurant he went up to the booth and YELLED “HOW MUCH FOR TWO.” I stood there embarrassed because everyone looked at us. I dislike being center of attention especially from a crowd. This will come in play later. The hostess stared at him in confusion then proceeded to explain the menu. We then got escorted to our booth which of course was the same booth my ex and I sat in for our first date. (Sign #6)
Once we got the drinks ordered we made our way to the buffet area. I grabbed my plate and immediately made my way to my favorite dish. Coconut shrimp. The way they made it here was a little bit different it had more of a sauce than the shavings and it was delicious. I started to pile it on my plate. I don’t typically eat out often so when I do I make it worth it knowing I’ll pay for it in the gym later.
Dylan walked over to me saying “wow that’s a lot of shrimp.”
Me replying with a big smile, “oh yeah it’s my favorite. Do you want some?”
Him: “No thank you. I’m allergic to shellfish.”
I look at him confused and my mind was racing: ~Isn’t coming to a chinese buffet a bad decision then? Granted he was being thoughtful doesn’t sound very safe~ I then proceeded to ask how bad was his allergy? He stated very deadly. I look back at my plate making note of everything in that restaurant that was considered shellfish. I knew if I wanted some action I couldn’t have shellfish on my lips. (I don’t know fully how it works) Even if we didn’t go there I didn’t want to accidentally touch him with shellfish residue. So I sadly scooped out the shrimp, put the plate in the dirty bin, and got a new one. I only got non shellfish items on my new plate and missed out on my favorite shrimp. (sign #7)
When we finally sat down to eat, conversation was going fine at first. I did notice that he had a habit of talking very loudly where I kept my voice consistently mellow/low for the restaurant setting. As we talked family’s of 5-6 were being seated around us with kids ranging 5-13. I usually curse like a sailor but with the kids around I tried to hold it back since I dislike public scenes. I let one slip then apologized stating the sailor comment. He said it was fine and he curses a lot too sometimes. Then he started very loudly saying every curse word in the book. I look over at the families and they were all staring at us. The parents with annoyed looks. I put my head down laughing it off then got back to eating. (Sign #8)
We finished our meal, got the ticket; then made our way to pay. As we were walking up to the front counter he moaned “my back” and started to do the arm/torso twist. I immediately stepped back. Unfortunately a waitress was walking by with drinks and she had to duck out of the way to ensure he didn’t smack the tray. Even with her daring escape two drinks did spill. She glared at us as I walked behind him and mouth sorry to her. (Sign #5 repeated)
At this point I decided dating probably wasn’t the best choice for me. However I was still considering doing the deed with him. As shallow as it sounds I’m 6ft he was 6’3”. This is rare for me to find taller guys. I don’t discriminate against short kings. I’m currently dating a short king myself. But as a tall girl sometimes it’s nice to not always being the tall one. Especially back then I never been with a tall guy. So we pay, hop in his car and I ask what’s next?
He told me he bought us a scary movie for us to watch at his apartment since I liked scary movies. Typically I wouldn’t have went but it fell in line with the end goal. His apartment was about 10 minutes away. When we arrived I was amazed how nice the apartment was. Like high quality designer apartment. Ten times nicer than mine; It had a warm cozy vibe. There was so much decoration to look at it even had a beaded curtain going to the laundry room to create a door. Complete 180 from his car. I told him I loved his apartment he responded “thanks my brother decorated it.” Then proceeded to point to where his brother’s room was. Ah was all I could say. Then he escorted me to his room which was straight ahead from the entry door. His room was nothing like the well decorated apartment. It was clutter with large furniture (shelf, bed, full size couch across the room from the bed, big dresser with tv on it) this made the room feel smaller and didn’t help it was little messy with clothes and trash. (Sign #9) this was a sign to me because of past experiences with my mother. She was a hoarder and we also had messy homes growing up so cluttered spaces aren’t ideal.
We sit down on the couch; him to my left and get the movie started. The movie was the Nun which I already seen but didn’t say anything due to not expecting to watch it anyways. He puts his now shoeless feet on the bed across from us to lay back. When he does this I notice his socks were the white and grey socks with a hole in each big toe. I dislike feet but the main problem was the fact my ex step dad use to have socks like that all the time with the holes In them. My step dad was very mean to my family so seeing those socks just made me frown. I hate the look of them and where they take me back too. (Sign #10)
I remind myself that he is cute and tall refocused on the tv. He had his arm around me as I lean into the couch/him. I waited for him to make a move but he never did. We made through the ENTIRE movie without a single move. I thought to myself maybe he was just being respectful to not interrupt it. He asked if I wanted to watch another. I told him yes thinking this one is the one stuff will go down. NOPE. I pushed up my chest giving him a view and even had my hand on his leg close to the goods. Still made it through the whole movie without anything happening. After the second movie he asked if I want to watch another. I responded with a sure thinking I’ll just make the move. 15 mins into the movie I sparked up conversation then kissed him. The kiss was interesting… I had my mouth closed only doing lips. This dude was kind of eating my lips with how wide he was opening his mouth. As we pull back I notice he is smiling ear to ear. I asked what? He then told me “I never done that before.” At this point all the puzzle pieces started falling into place. I was thinking of what to do next because I didn’t want to be this guys first time especially since I knew I wasn’t going to date him. Nor did I want to lead him on. (Sign #11)
So as we made conversation I texted my sister to call me that she locked herself out of the apartment and needed me to come home. Ten minutes later she called with her story of locking her keys in my car and the spare is in the locked apartment. I had the phone turned up so he could hear; he then asked if we needed to go and we did.
What sucked is we had a 40 minute drive all the way back to my apartment (this is why you drive your own vehicles!!!). I was already anxious in the car; however what made the drive hell was the playlist he choose. He was playing the Mary poppins musical playlist from the musical that just came out. What he also didn’t know about me is I dislike musicals. The only one I can stand is Rock of Ages with Tom Cruise. So the whole way back I just sitting there as this guy was jamming to musical music. (Sign #12)
By the time we get to my apartment I’m starting to get a headache from his high pitched singing. He turned off the radio looked at me, then immediately went to kiss me or should I say eat my mouth 😅 I leaned back and asked him to stop doing the mouth motion his was doing. He did and I told him that was better. I thanked him for the evening got out and waved him off.
I talked to him for a couple days after that unsure how to break it off. Then eventually told him I didn’t think I was over my ex and wasn’t ready for anything serious. He understood then we went separate ways.
After going through that date I concluded dating was overrated. I still kept the apps however for my ho phase I had. I know people look down on that type of stuff but during that time I was actually living. Going to parties and having adventures. It healed me in its own way. Then the next year after I met my now boyfriend and we have been together since.
Also to clarify I know some of the things I judge Dylan on were maybe harsh. The recent heartbreak didn’t help, Unfortunately for Dylan he just kept bringing back to places I didn’t want to be. I do hope he is doing well. The ‘signs’ I knowledge were not just on him. I was not emotionally mature back then and did have some stuff to work on. The signs I just took as messages from the universe that pairing wasn’t it 😅. I also hope you enjoyed the story. Would love outside input/thoughts on this interesting date.

Hey guys
So I have struggled with losing weight over the last 5 or so years. I am not severely overweight I am 6 foot and at my heaviest was 105kg. I don't look fat most people are suprised when I tell them my weight and say I "carry it well," but I'd rather not carry it at all.
I was also very lean up until about 22 years old when I started putting on weight. I was always a bit of a sugar addict but I did HEAPS of sports and exercise all through high-school and uni.
It slowed down a bit and I got up to my heaviest at 94kg in 2017. I was training BJJ at the time. A guy there who was an absolute monster on the mats and ripped as hell told me about Keto and I was like hell yeah. So I started Keto and dropped over 4 -5 months down to about 77kg. I stayed on Keto for a total of 11 months. I got quite sick at the end so I can see why they recommend only to do it for 3-6 months. Also, I looked far too gaunt at 77kg I should have aimed for around 85kg but I was competing in under 80kg category. I actually did better when I put on some weight and hit the under 90kg category (competed at 85kg).
ANyway, I came off keto and I slowly put all the weight back on. I knew I wasn't eating the best but weight didn't go on super fast but others at training noticed my weight creeping up. I got all the way up to about 104kg and felt frustrated. I stayed around that for a year and kind of bounced between 98 - 104kg. I'd try and diet normally, get down to around 98 then relapse back to 102 - 104.
Eventually I said enough and went back on Keto. Within 2-3 months I dropped down from 104 to about 91kg and eventually hit my goal of 88kg. I felt great again. I said to myself I would NOT let the weight come back on but I again came off keto and headed back up to 100kg again.
I had to quite BJJ after a few head injuries and then did not much exercise for maybe 1-2 years as I got sad after having to quit BJJ and then I had an FAI hip surgery and had to build up from that.
Recently, about 5 months ago I got into weight lifting, something I have not done much of. I am thoroughly enjoying it and I have been feeling amazing with it.
I also took up Latin and Ballroom dancing to aid my hip recovery and actually ended up loving it.
However, I have been stuck around 99kg. I have been for the last 8 months trying to diet a healthy and slower way to hopefully keep the weight off and while I could keep myself around 98 - 99 and not get up to the 104/105 area, I couldn't get lower. Even with gym and dance and eating way less junk I wasn't moving. I'd still have coffees and maybe I snack thing a day but nothing worked.
So now, 19 days ago, I again said "fuck it" and for the last time I hope I am on keto. I have dropped from 99.8kg to now 93.8kg this morning and I feel amazing. My clothes fit better, I feel healthier and the weight is just flowing off. I am aiming to hit 86kg give or take.
HOWEVER, I want to finally keep the weight off. I am so annoyed I keep rebounding. I need help!
Can anyone offer advice on

1. Why I seem to only lose weight on keto?
   
2. How to keep the weight off after coming off keto?